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		<title>&#034;The Death in Venice (Der Tod in Venedig)&#034; by Thomas Mann (1912)</title>
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		<dc:creator>Thomas Mann</dc:creator>



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&lt;p&gt;We follow the quite famous author Gustav von Aschenbach and his elevated thoughts (at the beginning: they tend to go steadily downhill as the narrative unfolds) from his native Munich to the Adriatic coast and to Venice, where he is plunged into the thralls of physical desire for a very handsome fourteen-year-old boy whose family is staying at the same hotel on the Lido, and who quite innocently (?) sets our man off on dithyrambic meditations on the lessons of Plato's The Banquet and (&#8230;)&lt;/p&gt;


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 <content:encoded>&lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L150xH150/death_in_venice_-_e-book_cover-7cd3a.jpg?1781079211' class='spip_logo spip_logo_right' width='150' height='150' alt=&#034;&#034; /&gt;
		&lt;div class='rss_texte'&gt;&lt;p&gt;We follow the quite famous author Gustav von Aschenbach&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb1&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;whose name is a subtle reference to two of Mann's most important cultural (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh1&#034;&gt;1&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; and his elevated thoughts (at the beginning: they tend to go steadily downhill as the narrative unfolds) from his native Munich to the Adriatic coast and to Venice, where he is plunged into the thralls of physical desire for a very handsome fourteen-year-old boy whose family is staying at the same hotel on the Lido, and who quite innocently (?) sets our man off on dithyrambic meditations on the lessons of Plato's &lt;i&gt;The Banquet&lt;/i&gt; and &lt;i&gt;Phaedrus&lt;/i&gt; and down a long path to moral and physical perdition. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;The Death in Venice&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb2&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;why is &#8220;Der Tot in Venedig&#8221; usually translated as Death in Venice? Mann (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh2&#034;&gt;2&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; is a quite breath-taking literary feat, involving a number of seemingly bizarre but significant background figures, profound moral and artistic themes, myriad literary and philosophical references and a style involving a breathtakingly rich vocabulary and innumerable long, involved, and complex sentences which somehow never seem to have an excess word in them.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;(28,450 words)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Translated by by Kenneth Burke&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;An e-book, with the original German text in an annex, is available for downloading &lt;a href=&#034;#below&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;below&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The origninal German text can also be seen &lt;a href=&#034;#here&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;here&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;&lt;div class='spip_document_10677 spip_document spip_documents spip_document_image spip_documents_center spip_document_center'&gt;
&lt;figure class=&#034;spip_doc_inner&#034;&gt; &lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L429xH599/558ed9cca66158e1-3cfd0a5c-a9f70.png?1781080814' width='429' height='599' alt='' /&gt;
&lt;/figure&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;THE DEATH IN VENICE&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;TABLE OF CONTENTS&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href=&#034;#CHAPTERI&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;CHAPTER I&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#CHAPTERII&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;CHAPTER II&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#CHAPTERIII&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;CHAPTER III&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#CHAPTERIV&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;CHAPTER IV&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#CHAPTERV&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;CHAPTER V&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;CHAPTERI&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;On a spring afternoon of the year 19&#8212;, when our continent lay under such threatening weather for whole months, Gustav Aschenbach, or von Aschenbach as his name read officially after his fiftieth birthday, had left his apartment on the Prinzregentenstrasse in Munich and had gone for a long walk. Overwrought by the trying and precarious work of the forenoon&#8212;which had demanded a maximum wariness, prudence, penetration, and rigour of the will&#8212;the writer had not been able even after the noon meal to break the impetus of the productive mechanism within him, that &lt;i&gt;motus animi continuus&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb3&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;motus animi continuus &#8211; continuous emotional movement&#034; id=&#034;nh3&#034;&gt;3&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; which constitutes, according to Cicero, the foundation of eloquence; and he had not attained the healing sleep which&#8212;what with the increasing exhaustion of his strength&#8212;he needed in the middle of each day. So he had gone outdoors soon after tea, in the hopes that air and movement would restore him and prepare him for a profitable evening.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was the beginning of May, and after cold, damp weeks a false midsummer had set in. The English Gardens, although the foliage was still fresh and sparse, were as pungent as in August, and in the parts nearer the city had been full of conveyances and promenaders. At the Aumeister, which he had reached by quieter and quieter paths, Aschenbach had surveyed for a short time the Wirtsgarten with its lively crowds and its border of cabs and carriages. From here, as the sun was sinking, he had started home, outside the park, across the open fields; and since he felt tired and a storm was threatening from the direction of F&#246;hring, he waited at the North Cemetery for the tram which would take him directly back to the city.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It happened that he found no one in the station or its vicinity. There was not a vehicle to be seen, either on the paved Ungererstrasse, with its solitary glistening rails stretching out towards Schwabing, or on the F&#246;hringer Chaussee. Behind the fences of the stone-masons' establishments, where the crosses, memorial tablets, and monuments standing for sale formed a second, uninhabited burial ground, there was no sign of life; and opposite him the Byzantine structure of the Funeral Hall lay silent in the reflection of the departing day; its fa&#231;ade, ornamented in luminous colours with Greek crosses and hieratic paintings, above which were displayed inscriptions symmetrically arranged in gold letters, and texts chosen to bear on the life beyond; such as, &#034;They enter into the dwelling of the Lord,&#034; or, &#034;The light of eternity shall shine upon them.&#034; And for some time as he stood waiting he found a grave diversion in spelling out the formulas and letting his mind's eye lose itself in their transparent mysticism, when, returning from his reveries, he noticed in the portico, above the two apocalyptic animals guarding the steps, a man whose somewhat unusual appearance gave his thoughts an entirely new direction.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Whether he had just now come out from the inside through the bronze door, or had approached and mounted from the outside unobserved, remained uncertain. Aschenbach, without applying himself especially to the matter, was inclined to believe the former. Of medium height, thin, smooth-shaven, and noticeably pug-nosed, the man belonged to the red-haired type and possessed the appropriate fresh milky complexion. Obviously, he was not of Bavarian extraction, since at least the white and straight-brimmed straw hat that covered his head gave his appearance the stamp of a foreigner, of someone who had come from a long distance. To be sure, he was wearing the customary knapsack strapped across his shoulders, and a belted suit of rough yellow wool; his left arm was resting on his thigh, and his grey storm cape was thrown across it. In his right hand he held a cane with an iron ferrule, which he had stuck diagonally into the ground, and, with his feet crossed, was leaning his hip against the crook. His head was raised so that the Adam's-apple protruded hard and bare on a scrawny neck emerging from a loose sport-shirt. And he was staring sharply off into the distance, with colourless, red-lidded eyes between which stood two strong, vertical wrinkles peculiarly suited to his short, turned-up nose. Thus&#8212;and perhaps his elevated position helped to give the impression&#8212;his bearing had something majestic and commanding about it, something bold, or even savage. For whether he was grimacing because he was blinded by the setting sun, or whether it was a case of a permanent distortion of the physiognomy, his lips seemed too short, they were so completely pulled back from his teeth that these were exposed even to the gums, and stood out white and long.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It is quite possible that Aschenbach, in his half-distracted, half-inquisitive examination of the stranger, had been somewhat inconsiderate, for he suddenly became aware that his look was being answered, and indeed so militantly, so straight in the eye, so plainly with the intention of driving the thing through to the very end and compelling him to capitulate, that he turned away uncomfortably and began walking along by the fences, deciding casually that he would pay no further attention to the man. The next minute he had forgotten him. But perhaps the exotic element in the stranger's appearance had worked on his imagination; or a new physical or spiritual influence of some sort had come into play. He was quite astonished to note a peculiar inner expansion, a kind of roving unrest, a youthful longing after far-off places: a feeling so vivid, so new, or so long dormant and neglected, that, with his hands behind his back and his eyes on the ground, he came to a sudden stop, and examined into the nature and purport of this emotion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was the desire for travel, nothing more; although, to be sure, it had attacked him violently, and was heightened to a passion, even to the point of an hallucination. His yearnings crystallized; his imagination, still in ferment from his hours of work, actually pictured all the marvels and terrors of a manifold world which it was suddenly struggling to conceive. He saw a landscape, a tropical swampland under a heavy, murky sky, damp, luxuriant, and enormous, a kind of prehistoric wilderness of islands, bogs, and arms of water, sluggish with mud; he saw, near him and in the distance, the hairy shafts of palms rising out of a rank lecherous thicket, out of places where the plant-life was fat, swollen, and blossoming exorbitantly; he saw strangely misshapen trees sending their roots into the ground, into stagnant pools with greenish reflections; and here, between floating flowers which were milk-white and large as dishes, birds of a strange nature, high-shouldered, with crooked bills, were standing in the muck, and looking motionlessly to one side; between dense, knotted stalks of bamboo he saw the glint from the eyes of a crouching tiger&#8212;and he felt his heart knocking with fear and with puzzling desires. Then the image disappeared; and with a shake of his head Aschenbach resumed his walk along past the fences of the stone-masons' establishments.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Since the time, at least, when he could command the means to enjoy the advantages of moving about the world as he pleased, he had considered travelling simply as an hygienic precaution which must be complied with now and then despite one's feelings and one's preferences. Too busy with the tasks arranged for him by his interest in his own ego and in the problems of Europe, too burdened with the onus of production, too little prone to diversion, and in no sense an amateur of the varied amusements of the great world, he had been thoroughly satisfied with such knowledge of the earth's surface as any one can get without moving far out of his own circle; and he had never even been tempted to leave Europe. Especially now that his life was slowly on the decline, and that the artist's fear of not having finished&#8212;this uneasiness lest the clock run down before he had done his part and given himself completely&#8212;could no longer be waived aside as a mere whim, he had confined his outer existence almost exclusively to the beautiful city which had become his home and to the rough country house which he had built in the mountains and where he spent the rainy summers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Further, this thing which had laid hold of him so belatedly, but with such suddenness, was very readily moderated and adjusted by the force of his reason and of a discipline which he had practised since youth. He had intended carrying his life work forward to a certain point before removing to the country. And the thought of knocking about the world for months and neglecting his work during this time, seemed much too lax and contrary to his plans; it really could not be considered seriously. Yet he knew only too well what the reasons were for this unexpected temptation. It was the urge to escape&#8212;he admitted to himself&#8212;this yearning for the new and the remote, this appetite for freedom, for unburdening, for forgetfulness; it was a pressure away from his work, from the steady drudgery of a coldly passionate service. To be sure, he loved this work and almost loved the enervating battle that was fought daily between a proud tenacious will&#8212;so often tested&#8212;and this growing weariness which no one was to suspect and which must not betray itself in his productions by any sign of weakness or negligence. But it seemed wise not to draw the bow overtightly, and not to strangle by sheer obstinacy so strongly persistent an appetite. He thought of his work, thought of the place at which yesterday and now again to-day he had been forced to leave off, and which, it seemed, would yield neither to patience and coaxing nor to a definite attack. He examined it again, trying to break through or to circumvent the deadlock, but he gave up with a shudder of repugnance. There was no unusual difficulty here; what balked him were the scruples of aversion, which took the form of a fastidious insatiability. Even as a young man this insatiability had meant to him the very nature, the fullest essence, of talent; and for that reason he had restrained and chilled his emotions, since he was aware that they incline to content themselves with a happy approximation, a state of semi-completion. Were these enslaved emotions now taking their vengeance on him, by leaving him in the lurch, by refusing to forward and lubricate his art; and were they bearing off with them every enjoyment, every live interest in form and expression?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Not that he was producing anything bad; his years gave him at least this advantage, that he felt himself at all times in full and easy possession of his craftsmanship. But while the nation honoured him for this, he himself was not content; and it seemed to him that his work lacked the marks of that fiery and fluctuating emotionalism which is an enormous thing in one's favour, and which, while it argues an enjoyment on the part of the author, also constitutes, more than any depth of content, the enjoyment of the amateur. He feared the summer in the country, alone in the little house with the maid who prepared his meals, and the servant who brought them to him. He feared the familiar view of the mountain peaks and the slopes which would stand about him in his boredom and his discontent. Consequently there was need of a break in some new direction. If the summer was to be endurable and productive, he must attempt something out of his usual orbit; he must relax, get a change of air, bring an element of freshness into the blood. To travel, then&#8212;that much was settled. Not far, not all the way to the tigers. But one night on the sleeper, and a rest of three or four weeks at some pleasant popular resort in the South. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He thought this out while the noise of the electric tram came nearer along the Ungererstrasse; and as he boarded it he decided to devote the evening to the study of maps and time-tables. On the platform it occurred to him to look around for the man in the straw hat, his companion during that most significant time spent waiting at the station. But his whereabouts remained uncertain, as he was not to be seen either at the place where he was formerly standing, or anywhere else in the vicinity of the station, or on the car itself.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;CHAPTERII&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The author of that lucid and powerful prose epic built around the life of Frederick of Prussia; the tenacious artist who, after long application, wove rich, varied strands of human destiny together under one single predominating theme in the fictional tapestry known as Maya; the creator of that stark tale which is called The Wretch and which pointed out for an entire oncoming generation the possibility of some moral certainty beyond pure knowledge; finally, the writer (and this sums up briefly the works of his mature period) of the impassioned treatise on Art and the Spirit, whose capacity for mustering facts, and, further, whose fluency in their presentation, led cautious judges to place this treatise alongside Schiller's conclusions on na&#239;ve and sentimental poetry&#8212;Gustav Aschenbach, then, was the son of a higher law official, and was born in L&#8212;&#8212;, a leading city in the Province of Silesia. His forbears had been officers, magistrates, government functionaries, men who had led severe, steady lives serving their king, their state. A deeper strain of spirituality had been manifest in them once, in the person of a preacher; the preceding generation had brought a brisker, more sensuous blood into the family through the author's mother, daughter of a Bohemian band-master. The traces of foreignness in his features came from her. A marriage of sober painstaking conscientiousness with impulses of a darker, more fiery nature had had an artist as its result, and this particular artist.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Since his whole nature was centred around acquiring a reputation, he showed himself, if not exactly precocious, at least (thanks to the firmness and pithiness of his personality, his accent) ripened and adjusted to the public at an early age. Almost as a schoolboy he had made a name for himself. Within ten years he had learned to face the world through the medium of his writing-table, to discharge the obligations of his fame in a correspondence which (since many claims are pressed on the successful, the trustworthy) had to be brief as well as pleasant and to the point. At forty, wearied by the vicissitudes and the exertion of his own work, he had to manage a daily mail which bore the postmarks of countries in all parts of the world.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Equally removed from the banal and the eccentric, his talents were so constituted as to gain both the confidence of the general public and the stable admiration and sympathy of the critical. Thus even as a young man continually devoted to the pursuit of craftsmanship&#8212;and that of no ordinary kind&#8212;he had never known the careless freedom of youth. When, around thirty-five years of age, he had been taken ill in Vienna, one sharp observer said of him in company, &#034;You see, Aschenbach has always lived like this,&#034; and the speaker contracted the fingers of his left hand into a fist; &#034;never like this,&#034; and he let his open hand droop comfortably from the arm of his chair. That hit the mark; and the heroic, the ethical about it all was that he was not of a strong constitution, and though he was pledged by his nature to these steady efforts, he was not really born to them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Considerations of ill-health had kept him from attending school as a boy, and had compelled him to receive instruction at home. He had grown up alone, without comrades&#8212;and he was forced to realize soon enough that he belonged to a race which often lacked, not talent, but that physical substructure which talent relies on for its fullest fruition: a race accustomed to giving its best early, and seldom extending its faculties over the years. But his favourite phrase was &#034;carrying through&#034;; in his novel on Frederick he saw the pure apotheosis of this command, which struck him as the essential concept of the virtuous in action and passion. Also, he wished earnestly to grow old, since he had always maintained that the only artistry which can be called truly great, comprehensive, yes even truly admirable, is that which is permitted to bear fruits characteristic of each stage in human development.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Since he must carry the responsibilities of his talent on frail shoulders, and wanted to go a long way, the primary requirement was discipline&#8212;and fortunately discipline was his direct inheritance from his father's side. By forty, fifty, or at an earlier age when others are still slashing about with enthusiasm, and are contentedly putting off to some later date the execution of plans on a large scale, he would start the day early, dashing cold water over his chest and back, and then with a couple of tall wax candles in silver candlesticks at the head of his manuscript, he would pay out to his art, in two or three eager, scrupulous morning hours, the strength which he had accumulated in sleep. It was pardonable, indeed it was a direct tribute to the effectiveness of his moral scheme, that the uninitiated took his Maya world, and the massive epic machinery upon which the life of the hero Frederick was unrolled, as evidence of long breath and sustaining power. While actually they had been built up layer by layer, in small daily allotments, through hundreds and hundreds of single inspirations. And if they were so excellent in both composition and texture, it was solely because their creator had held out for years under the strain of one single work, with a steadiness of will and a tenacity comparable to that which conquered his native province; and because, finally, he had turned over his most vital and valuable hours to the problem of minute revision.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In order that a significant work of the mind may exert immediately some broad and deep effect, a secret relationship, or even conformity, must exist between the personal destiny of the author and the common destiny of his contemporaries. People do not know why they raise a work of art to fame. Far from being connoisseurs, they believe that they see in it hundreds of virtues which justify so much interest; but the true reason for their applause is an unconscious sympathy. Aschenbach had once stated quite plainly in some remote place that nearly everything great which comes into being does so in spite of something&#8212;in spite of sorrow or suffering, poverty, destitution, physical weakness, depravity, passion, or a thousand other handicaps. But that was not merely an observation; it was a discovery, the formula of his life and reputation, the key to his work. And what wonder then that it was also the distinguishing moral trait, the dominating gesture, of his most characteristic figures?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Years before, one shrewd analyst had written of the new hero-type to which this author gave preference, and which kept turning up in variations of one sort or another: he called it the conception of &#034;an intellectual and youthful masculinity&#034; which &#034;stands motionless, haughty, ashamed, with jaw set, while swords and spear-points beset the body.&#034; That was beautiful and ingenious; and it was exact, although it may have seemed to suggest too much passivity. For to be poised against fatality, to meet adverse conditions gracefully, is more than simple endurance; it is an act of aggression, a positive triumph&#8212;and the figure of Sebastian is the most beautiful figure, if not of art as a whole, at least of the art of literature. Looking into this fictional world, one saw: a delicate self-mastery by which any inner deterioration, any biological decay was kept concealed from the eyes of the world; a crude, vicious sensuality capable of fanning its rising passions into pure flame, yes, even of mounting to dominance in the realm of beauty; a pallid weakness which draws from the glowing depths of the soul the strength to bow whole arrogant peoples before the foot of the cross, or before the feet of weakness itself; a charming manner maintained in his cold, strict service to form; a false, precarious mode of living, and the keenly enervating melancholy and artifice of the born deceiver&#8212;to observe such trials as this was enough to make one question whether there really was any heroism other than weakness. And in any case, what heroism could be more in keeping with the times? Gustav Aschenbach was the one poet among the many workers on the verge of exhaustion: all those over-burdened, used-up, tenacious moralists of production who, delicately built and destitute of means, can rely for a time at least on will-power and the shrewd husbandry of their resources to secure the effects of greatness. There are many such: they are the heroes of the period. And they all found themselves in his works; here they were indeed, upheld, intensified, applauded; they were grateful to him, they acclaimed him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In his time he had been young and raw; and misled by his age he had blundered in public. He had stumbled, had exposed himself; both in writing and in talk he had offended against caution and tact. But he had acquired the dignity which, as he insisted, is the innate goad and craving of every great talent; in fact, it could be said that his entire development had been a conscious undeviating progression away from the embarrassments of scepticism and irony, and towards dignity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The general masses are satisfied by vigour and tangibility of treatment rather than by any close intellectual processes; but youth, with its passion for the absolute, can be arrested only by the problematical. And Aschenbach had been absolute, problematical, as only a youth could be. He had been a slave to the intellect, had played havoc with knowledge, had ground up his seed crops, had divulged secrets, had discredited talent, had betrayed art&#8212;yes, while his modellings were entertaining the faithful votaries, filling them with enthusiasm, making their lives more keen, this youthful artist was taking the breath away from the generation then in its twenties by his cynicisms on the questionable nature of art, and of artistry itself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But it seems that nothing blunts the edge of a noble, robust mind more quickly and more thoroughly than the sharp and bitter corrosion of knowledge; and certainly the moody radicalism of the youth, no matter how conscientious, was shallow in comparison with his firm determination as an older man and a master to deny knowledge, to reject it, to pass it with raised head, in so far as it is capable of crippling, discouraging, or degrading to the slightest degree, our will, acts, feelings, or even passions. How else could the famous story of The Wretch be understood than as an outburst of repugnance against the disreputable psychologism of the times: embodied in the figure of that soft and stupid half-clown who pilfers a destiny for himself by guiding his wife (from powerlessness, from lasciviousness, from ethical frailty) into the arms of an adolescent, and believes that he may through profundity commit vileness? The verbal pressure with which he here cast out the outcast announced the return from every moral scepticism, from all fellow-feeling with the engulfed: it was the counter-move to the laxity of the sympathetic principle that to understand all is to forgive all&#8212;and the thing that was here well begun, even nearly completed, was that &#034;miracle of reborn ingenuousness&#034; which was taken up a little later in one of the author's dialogues expressly and not without a certain discreet emphasis. Strange coincidences! Was it as a result of this rebirth, this new dignity and sternness, that his feeling for beauty&#8212;a discriminating purity, simplicity, and evenness of attack which henceforth gave his productions such an obvious, even such a deliberate stamp of mastery and classicism&#8212;showed an almost excessive strengthening about this time? But ethical resoluteness in the exclusion of science, of emancipatory and restrictive knowledge&#8212;does this not in turn signify a simplification, a reduction morally of the world to too limited terms, and thus also a strengthened capacity for the forbidden, the evil, the morally impossible? And does not form have two aspects? Is it not moral and unmoral at once&#8212;moral in that it is the result and expression of discipline, but unmoral, and even immoral, in that by nature it contains an indifference to morality, is calculated, in fact, to make morality bend beneath its proud and unencumbered sceptre?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Be that as it may. An evolution is a destiny; and why should his evolution, which had been upheld by the general confidence of a vast public, not run through a different course from one accomplished outside the lustre and the entanglements of fame? Only chronic vagabondage will find it tedious and be inclined to scoff when a great talent outgrows the libertine chrysalis-stage, learns to seize upon and express the dignity of the mind, and superimposes a formal etiquette upon a solitude which had been filled with unchastened and rigidly isolated sufferings and struggles and had brought all this to a point of power and honour among men. Further, how much sport, defiance, indulgence there is in the self-formation of a talent! Gradually something official, didactic crept into Gustav Aschenbach's productions, his style in later life fought shy of any abruptness and boldness, any subtle and unexpected contrasts; he inclined towards the fixed and standardized, the conventionally elegant, the conservative, the formal, the formulated, nearly. And, as is traditionally said of Louis XIV, with the advancing years he came to omit every common word from his vocabulary. At about this time it happened that the educational authorities included selected pages by him in their prescribed school readers. This was deeply sympathetic to his nature, and he did not decline when a German prince who had just mounted to the throne raised the author of the Frederick to nobility on the occasion of his fiftieth birthday. After a few years of unrest, a few tentative stopping-places here and there, he soon chose Munich as his permanent home, and lived there in a state of middle-class respectability such as fits in with the life of the mind in certain individual instances. The marriage which, when still young, he had contracted with a girl of an educated family came to an end with her death after a short period of happiness. He was left with a daughter, now married. He had never had a son.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gustav von Aschenbach was somewhat below average height, dark, and smooth-shaven. His head seemed a bit too large in comparison with his almost dapper figure. His hair was brushed straight back, thinning out towards the crown, but very full about the temples, and strongly marked with grey; it framed a high, ridged forehead. Gold spectacles with rimless lenses cut into the bridge of his bold, heavy nose. The mouth was big, sometimes drooping, sometimes suddenly pinched and firm. His cheeks were thin and wrinkled, his well-formed chin had a slight cleft. This head, usually bent patiently to one side, seemed to have gone through momentous experiences, and yet it was his art which had produced those effects in his face, effects which are elsewhere the result of hard and agitated living. Behind this brow the brilliant repartee of the dialogue on war between Voltaire and the king had been born; these eyes, peering steadily and wearily from behind their glasses, had seen the bloody inferno of the lazaret in the Seven Years' War. Even as it applies to the individual, art is a heightened mode of existence. It gives deeper pleasures, it consumes more quickly. It carves into its servants' faces the marks of imaginary and spiritual adventures, and though their external activities may be as quiet as a cloister, it produces a lasting voluptuousness, over-refinement, fatigue, and curiosity of the nerves such as can barely result from a life filled with illicit passions and enjoyments.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;CHAPTERIII&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Various matters of a literary and social nature delayed his departure until about two weeks after that walk in Munich. Finally he gave orders to have his country house ready for occupancy within a month; and one day between the middle and the end of May he took the night train for Trieste, where he made a stop-over of only twenty-four hours, and embarked the following morning for Pola.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What he was hunting was something foreign and unrelated to himself which would at the same time be quickly within reach; and so he stopped at an island in the Adriatic which had become well-known in recent years. It lay not far off the Istrian coast, with beautifully rugged cliffs fronting the open sea, and natives who dressed in variegated tatters and made strange sounds when they spoke. But rain and a heavy atmosphere, a provincial and exclusively Austrian patronage at the hotel, and the lack of that restfully intimate association with the sea which can be gotten only by a soft, sandy beach, irritated him, and prevented him from feeling that he had found the place he was looking for. Something within was disturbing him, and drawing him he was not sure where. He studied sailing dates, he looked about him questioningly, and of a sudden, as a thing both astounding and self-evident, his goal was before him. If you wanted to reach over night the unique, the fabulously different, where did you go? But that was plain. What was he doing here? He had lost the trail. He had wanted to go there. He did not delay in giving notice of his mistake in stopping here. In the early morning mist, a week and a half after his arrival on the island, a fast motorboat was carrying him and his luggage back over the water to the naval port, and he landed there just long enough to cross the gangplank to the damp deck of a ship which was lying under steam ready for the voyage to Venice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was an old hulk flying the Italian flag, decrepit, sooty, and mournful. In a cave-like, artificially lighted inside cabin where Aschenbach, immediately upon boarding the ship, was conducted by a dirty hunchbacked sailor who smirked politely, there was sitting behind a table, his hat cocked over his forehead and a cigarette stump in the corner of his mouth, a man with a goatee, and with the face of an old-style circus director, who was taking down the particulars of the passengers with professional grimaces and distributing the tickets. &#034;To Venice!&#034; he repeated Aschenbach's request, as he extended his arm and plunged his pen into the pasty dregs of a precariously tilted inkwell. &#034;To Venice, first class! At your service, sir.&#034; And he wrote a generous scrawl, sprinkled it with blue sand out of a box, let the sand run off into a clay bowl, folded the paper with sallow, bony fingers, and began writing again. &#034;A happily chosen destination!&#034; he chatted on. &#034;Ah, Venice! A splendid city! A city of irresistible attractiveness for the educated on account of its history as well as its present-day charms!&#034; The smooth rapidity of his movements and the empty words accompanying them had something anaesthetic and reassuring about them, much as though he feared lest the traveller might still be vacillating in his decision to go to Venice. He handled the cash briskly, and let the change fall on the spotted table-cover with the skill of a croupier. &#034;A pleasant journey, sir!&#034; he said with a theatrical bow. &#034;Gentlemen, I have the honour of serving you!&#034; he called out immediately after, with his arm upraised, and he acted as if business were in full swing, although no one else was there to require his attention. Aschenbach returned to the deck.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With one arm on the railing, he watched the passengers on board and the idlers who loitered around the dock waiting for the ship to sail. The second class passengers, men and women, were huddled together on the foredeck, using boxes and bundles as seats. A group of young people made up the travellers on the first deck, clerks from Pola, it seemed, who had gathered in the greatest excitement for an excursion to Italy. They made a considerable fuss about themselves and their enterprise, chattered, laughed, enjoyed their own antics self-contentedly, and, leaning over the hand-rails, shouted flippantly and mockingly at their comrades who, with portfolios under their arms, were going up and down the waterfront on business and kept threatening the picnickers with their canes. One, in a bright yellow summer suit of ultra-fashionable cut, with a red necktie, and a rakishly tilted panama, surpassed all the others in his crowing good humour. But as soon as Aschenbach looked at him a bit more carefully, he discovered with a kind of horror that the youth was a cheat. He was old, that was unquestionable. There were wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. The faint crimson of the cheeks was paint, the hair under his brilliantly decorated straw hat was a wig; his neck was hollow and stringy, his turned-up moustache and the imperial on his chin were dyed; the full set of yellow teeth which he displayed when he laughed, a cheap artificial plate; and his hands, with signet rings on both index fingers, were those of an old man. Fascinated with loathing, Aschenbach watched him in his intercourse with his friends. Did they not know, did they not observe that he was old, that he was not entitled to wear their bright, foppish clothing, that he was not entitled to play at being one of them? Unquestioningly, and as quite the usual thing, it seemed, they allowed him among them, treating him as one of their own kind and returning his jovial nudges in the ribs without repugnance. How could that be? Aschenbach laid his hand on his forehead and closed his eyes; they were hot, since he had had too little sleep. He felt as though everything were not quite the same as usual, as though some dream-like estrangement, some peculiar distortion of the world, were beginning to take possession of him, and perhaps this could be stopped if he hid his face for a time and then looked around him again. Yet at this moment he felt as though he were swimming; and looking up with an unreasoned fear, he discovered that the heavy, lugubrious body of the ship was separating slowly from the walled bank. Inch by inch, with the driving and reversing of the engine, the strip of dirty glistening water widened between the dock and the side of the ship; and after cumbersome manoeuvring, the steamer finally turned its nose towards the open sea. Aschenbach crossed to the starboard side, where the hunchback had set up a deck-chair for him, and a steward in a spotted dress-coat asked after his wants.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The sky was grey, the wind damp. Harbour and islands had been left behind, and soon all land was lost in the haze. Flakes of coal dust, bloated with moisture, fell over the washed deck, which would not dry. After the first hour an awning was spread, since it had begun to rain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Bundled up in his coat, a book in his lap, the traveller rested, and the hours passed unnoticed. It stopped raining; the canvas awning was removed. The horizon was unbroken. The sea, empty, like an enormous disk, lay stretched under the curve of the sky. But in empty inarticulate space our senses lose also the dimensions of time, and we slip into the incommensurate. As he rested, strange shadowy figures, the old dandy, the goatee from the inside cabin, passed through his mind, with vague gestures, muddled dream-words&#8212;and he was asleep.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
About noon he was called to a meal down in the corridor-like dining-hall into which the doors opened from the sleeping-cabins; he ate near the head of a long table, at the other end of which the clerks including the old man had been drinking with the boisterous captain since ten o'clock. The food was poor, and he finished rapidly. He felt driven outside to look at the sky, to see if it showed signs of being brighter above Venice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had kept thinking that this had to occur, since the city had always received him in full blaze. But sky and sea remained dreary and leaden, at times a misty rain fell, and here he was reaching by water a different Venice than he had ever found when approaching on land. He stood by the forestays, looking in the distance, waiting for land. He thought of the heavy-hearted, enthusiastic poet for whom the domes and bell towers of his dreams had once risen out of these waters; he relived in silence some of that reverence, happiness, and sorrow which had been turned then into cautious song; and easily susceptible to sensations already moulded, he asked himself wearily and earnestly whether some new enchantment and distraction, some belated adventure of the emotions, might still be held in store for this idle traveller.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then the flat coast emerged on the right; the sea was alive with fishing smacks; the bathers' island appeared; it dropped behind to the left, the steamer slowly entered the narrow port which is named after it; and on the lagoon, facing gay ramshackle houses, it stopped completely, since it had to wait for the barque of the health department.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
An hour passed before it appeared. He had arrived, and yet he had not; no one was in any hurry, no one was driven by impatience. The young men from Pola, patriotically attracted by the military bugle calls which rang over the water from the vicinity of the public gardens, had come on deck, and warmed by their Asti, they burst out with cheers for the drilling &lt;i&gt;bersagliere&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb4&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;bersagliere &#8211; elite (Italian) riflemen&#034; id=&#034;nh4&#034;&gt;4&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. But it was repulsive to see what a state the primped-up old man had been brought to by his comradeship with youth. His old head was not able to resist its wine like the young and robust: he was painfully drunk. With glazed eyes, a cigarette between his trembling fingers, he stood in one place, swaying backwards and forwards from giddiness, and balancing himself laboriously. Since he would have fallen at the first step, he did not trust himself from the spot&#8212;yet he showed a deplorable insolence, buttonholed everyone who came near him, stammered, winked, and tittered, lifted his wrinkled, ornamented index finger in a stupid attempt at bantering, while he licked the corers of his mouth with his tongue in the most abominably suggestive manner. Aschenbach observed him darkly, and a feeling of numbness came over him again, as though the world were displaying a faint but irresistible tendency to distort itself into the peculiar and the grotesque: a feeling which circumstances prevented him from surrendering himself to completely, for just then the pounding activity of the engines commenced again, and the ship, resuming a voyage which had been interrupted so near its completion, passed through the San Marco canal.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So he saw it again, the most remarkable of landing places, that blinding composition of fantastic buildings which the Republic lays out before the eyes of approaching seafarers: the soft splendour of the palace, the Bridge of Sighs, on the bank the columns with lion and saint, the advancing, showy flank of the enchanted temple, the glimpse through to the archway, and the huge giant clock. And as he looked on he thought that to reach Venice by land, on the rail-road, was like entering a palace from the rear, and that the most unreal of cities should not be approached except as he was now doing, by ship, over the high seas.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The engine stopped, gondolas pressed in, the gangway was let down, customs officials climbed on board and discharged their duties perfunctorily; the disembarking could begin. Aschenbach made it understood that he wanted a gondola to take him and his luggage to the dock of those little steamers which ply between the city and the Lido, since he intended to locate near the sea. His plans were complied with, his wants were shouted down to the water, where the gondoliers were wrangling with one another in dialect. He was still hindered from descending; he was hindered by his trunk, which was being pulled and dragged with difficulty down the ladder-like steps. So that for some minutes he was not able to avoid the importunities of the atrocious old man, whose drunkenness gave him a sinister desire to do the foreigner parting honours. &#034;We wish you a very agreeable visit,&#034; he bleated as he made an awkward bow. &#034;We leave with pleasant recollections! &lt;i&gt;Au revoir, excusez&lt;/i&gt;, and &lt;i&gt;bon jour&lt;/i&gt;, your excellency!&#034; His mouth watered, he pressed his eyes shut, he licked the corners of his mouth, and the dyed imperial turned up about his senile lips. &#034;Our compliments,&#034; he mumbled, with two fingertips on his mouth, &#034;our compliments to our sweetheart, the dearest prettiest sweetheart . . .&#034; And suddenly his false upper teeth fell down on his lower lip. Aschenbach was able to escape. &#034;To our sweetheart, our handsome sweetheart,&#034; he heard the cooing, hollow, stuttering voice behind him, while supporting himself against the handrail, he went down the gang-way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Who would not have to suppress a fleeting shudder, a vague timidity and uneasiness, if it were a matter of boarding a Venetian gondola for the first time or after several years? The strange craft, an entirely unaltered survival from the times of balladry, with that peculiar blackness which is found elsewhere only in coffins&#8212;it suggests silent, criminal adventures in the rippling night, it suggests even more strongly death itself, the bier and the mournful funeral, and the last silent journey. And has it been observed that the seat of such a barque, this arm-chair of coffin-black veneer and dull black upholstery, is the softest, most luxuriant, most lulling seat in the world? Aschenbach noted this when he had relaxed at the feet of the gondolier, opposite his luggage, which lay neatly assembled on the prow. The rowers were still wrangling, harshly, incomprehensibly, with threatening gestures. But the strange silence of this canal city seemed to soften their voices, to disembody them, and dissipate them over the water. It was warm here in the harbour. Touched faintly by the warm breeze of the sirocco, leaning back against the limber portions of the cushions, the traveller closed his eyes in the enjoyment of a lassitude which was as unusual with him as it was sweet. The trip would be short, he thought; if only it went on for ever! He felt himself glide with a gentle motion away from the crowd and the confusion of voices.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It became quieter and quieter around him! There was nothing to be heard but the splashing of the oar, the hollow slapping of the waves against the prow of the boat as it stood above the water black and bold and armed with its halberd-like tip, and a third sound, of speaking, of whispering&#8212;the whispering of the gondolier, who was talking to himself between his teeth, fitfully, in words that were pressed out by the exertion of his arms. Aschenbach looked up, and was slightly astonished to discover that the lagoon was widening, and he was headed for the open sea. This seemed to indicate that he ought not to rest too much, but should see to it that his wishes were carried out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;To the steamer dock!&#034; he repeated, turning around completely and looking into the face of the gondolier who stood behind on a raised platform and towered up between him and the dun-coloured sky. He was a man of unpleasant, even brutal, appearance, dressed in sailor blue, with a yellow sash; a formless straw hat, its weave partially unravelled, was tilted insolently on his head. The set of his face, the blond curly moustache beneath a curtly turned-up nose, undoubtedly meant that he was not Italian. Although of somewhat frail build, so that one would not have thought him especially well suited to his trade, he handled the oar with great energy, throwing his entire body into each stroke. Occasionally, he drew back his lips from the exertion, and disclosed his white teeth. Wrinkling his reddish brows, he gazed on past his passenger, as he answered deliberately, almost gruffly: &#034;You are going to the Lido.&#034; Aschenbach replied: &#034;Of course. But I have just taken the gondola to get me across to San Marco. I want to use the &lt;i&gt;vaporetto&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb5&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;vaporetto &#8211; Venetian boat-bus&#034; id=&#034;nh5&#034;&gt;5&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You cannot use the &lt;i&gt;vaporetto&lt;/i&gt;, sir.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;And why not?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Because the &lt;i&gt;vaporetto&lt;/i&gt; will not haul luggage.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That was so; Aschenbach remembered. He was silent. But the fellow's harsh, presumptuous manner, so unusual towards a foreigner here, seemed unbearable. He said: &#034;That is my affair. Perhaps I want to put my things in storage. You will turn back.&#034; There was silence. The oar splashed, the water thudded against the bow. And the talking and whispering began again. The gondolier was talking to himself between his teeth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was to be done? This man was strangely insolent, and had an uncanny decisiveness; the traveller, alone with him on the water, saw no way of getting what he wanted. And besides, how softly he could rest, if only he did not become excited! Hadn't he wanted the trip to go on and on for ever? It was wisest to let things take their course, and the main thing was that he was comfortable. The poison of inertia seemed to be issuing from the seat, from this low, black-upholstered arm-chair, so gently cradled by the oar strokes of the imperious gondolier behind him. The notion that he had fallen into the hands of a criminal passed dreamily across Aschenbach's mind&#8212;without the ability to summon his thoughts to an active defence. The possibility that it was all simply a plan for cheating him seemed more abhorrent. A feeling of duty or pride, a kind of recollection that one should prevent such things, gave him the strength to arouse himself once more. He asked: &#034;What are you asking for the trip?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Looking down upon him, the gondolier answered: &#034;You will pay.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was plain how this should be answered. Aschenbach said mechanically: &#034;I shall pay nothing, absolutely nothing, if you don't take me where I want to go.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You want to go to the Lido.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But not with you.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I am rowing you well.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That is so, Aschenbach thought, and relaxed. That is so; you are rowing me well. Even if you do have designs on my cash, and send me down to Pluto with a blow of your oar from behind, you will have rowed me well.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But nothing like that happened. They were even joined by others: a boatload of musical brigands, men and women, who sang to guitar and mandolin, riding persistently side by side with the gondola and filling the silence over the water with their covetous foreign poetry. A hat was held out, and Aschenbach threw in money. Then they stopped singing, and rowed away. And again the muttering of the gondolier could be heard as he talked fitfully and jerkily to himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So they arrived, tossed in the wake of a steamer plying towards the city. Two municipal officers, their hands behind their backs, their faces turned in the direction of the lagoon, were walking back and forth on the bank. Aschenbach left the gondola at the dock, supported by that old man who is stationed with his grappling hook at each one of Venice's landing-places. And since he had no small money, he crossed over to the hotel by the steamer wharf to get change and pay the rower what was due him. He got what he wanted in the lobby, he returned and found his travelling bags in a cart on the dock, and gondola and gondolier had vanished.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;He got out in a hurry,&#034; said the old man with the grappling hook. &#034;A bad man, a man without a license, sir. He is the only gondolier who doesn't have a license. The others telephoned here.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach shrugged his shoulders.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;The gentleman rode for nothing,&#034; the old man said, and held out his hat. Aschenbach tossed in a coin. He gave instructions to have his luggage taken to the beach hotel, and followed the cart through the avenue, the white-blossomed avenue which, lined on both sides with taverns, shops, and boarding houses, runs across the island to the shore.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He entered the spacious hotel from the rear, by the terraced garden, and passed through the vestibule and the lobby until he reached the desk. Since he had been announced, he was received with obliging promptness. A manager, a small frail flatteringly polite man with a black moustache and a French style frock coat, accompanied him to the third floor in the lift, and showed him his room, an agreeable place furnished in cherry wood. It was decorated with strong-smelling flowers, and its high windows afforded a view out across the open sea. He stepped up to one of them after the employee had left; and while his luggage was being brought up and placed in the room behind him, he looked down on the beach (it was comparatively deserted in the afternoon) and on the sunless ocean which was at flood tide and was sending long low waves against the bank in a calm regular rhythm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The experiences of a man who lives alone and in silence are both vaguer and more penetrating than those of people in society; his thoughts are heavier, more odd, and touched always with melancholy. Images and observations which could easily be disposed of by a glance, a smile, an exchange of opinion, will occupy him unbearably, sink deep into the silence, become full of meaning, become life, adventure, emotion. Loneliness ripens the eccentric, the daringly and estrangingly beautiful, the poetic. But loneliness also ripens the perverse, the disproportionate, the absurd, and the illicit.&#8212;So, the things he had met with on the trip, the ugly old fop with his twaddle about sweethearts, the lawbreaking gondolier who was cheated of his pay, still left the traveller uneasy. Without really providing any resistance to the mind, without offering any solid stuff to think over, they were nevertheless profoundly strange, as it seemed to him, and disturbing precisely because of this contradiction. In the meanwhile, he greeted the sea with his eyes, and felt pleasure at the knowledge that Venice was so conveniently near. Finally he turned away, bathed his face, left orders to the chambermaid for a few things he still needed done to make his comfort complete, and let himself be taken to the ground floor by the green-uniformed Swiss who operated the lift.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He took his tea on the terrace facing the ocean, then descended and followed the boardwalk for quite a way in the direction of the Hotel Excelsior. When he returned it seemed time to dress for dinner. He did this with his usual care and slowness, since he was accustomed to working over his toilette. And yet he came down a little early to the lobby where he found a great many of the hotel guests assembled, mixing distantly and with a show of mutual indifference to one another, but all waiting for meal time. He took a paper from the table, dropped into a leather chair, and observed the company; they differed agreeably from the guests where he had first stopped.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A wide and tolerantly inclusive horizon was spread out before him. Sounds of all the principal languages formed a subdued murmur. The accepted evening dress, a uniform of good manners, brought all human varieties into a fitting unity. There were Americans with their long wry features, large Russian families, English ladies, German children with French nurses. The Slavic element seemed to predominate. Polish was being spoken nearby.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a group of children gathered around a little wicker table, under the protection of a teacher or governess: three young girls, apparently fifteen to seventeen, and a long-haired boy about fourteen years old. With astonishment Aschenbach noted that the boy was absolutely beautiful. His face, pale and reserved, framed with honey-coloured hair, the straight sloping nose, the lovely mouth, the expression of sweet and godlike seriousness, recalled Greek sculpture of the noblest period; and the complete purity of the forms was accompanied by such a rare personal charm that, as he watched, he felt that he had never met with anything equally felicitous in nature or the plastic arts. He was further struck by the obviously intentional contrast with the principles of upbringing which showed in the sisters' attire and bearing. The three girls, the eldest of whom could be considered grown up, were dressed with a chasteness and severity bordering on disfigurement. Uniformly cloister-like costumes, of medium length, slate-coloured, sober, and deliberately unbecoming in cut, with white turned-down collars as the only relief, suppressed every possible appeal of shapeliness. Their hair, brushed down flat and tight against the head, gave their faces a nunlike emptiness and lack of character. Surely this was a mother's influence, and it had not even occurred to her to apply the pedagogical strictness to the boy which she seemed to find necessary for her girls. It was clear that in his existence the first factors were gentleness and tenderness. The shears had been resolutely kept from his beautiful hair; like a Prince Charming's, it fell in curls over his forehead, his ears, and still deeper, across his neck. The English sailor suit, with its braids, stitchings, and embroideries, its puffy sleeves narrowing at the ends and fitting snugly about the fine wrists of his still childish but slender hands, gave the delicate figure something rich and luxurious. He was sitting, half profile to the observer, one foot in its black patent-leather shoe placed before the other, an elbow resting on the arm of his wicker chair, a cheek pressed against his fist, in a position of negligent good manners, entirely free of the almost subservient stiffness to which his sisters seemed accustomed. Did he have some illness? For his skin stood out as white as ivory against the golden darkness of the surrounding curls. Or was he simply a pampered favourite child, made this way by a doting and moody love? Aschenbach inclined to believe the latter. Almost every artist is born with a rich and treacherous tendency to recognize injustices which have created beauty, and to meet aristocratic distinction with sympathy and reverence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A waiter passed through and announced in English that the meal was ready. Gradually the guests disappeared through the glass door into the dining hall. Stragglers crossed, coming from the entrance, or the lifts. Inside, they had already begun serving, but the young Poles were still waiting around the little wicker table; and Aschenbach, comfortably propped in his deep chair, and with this beauty before his eyes, stayed with them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The governess, a small corpulent middle-class woman with a red face, finally gave the sign to rise. With lifted brows, she pushed back her chair and bowed, as a large woman dressed in grey and richly jewelled with pearls entered the lobby. This woman was advancing with coolness and precision; her lightly powdered hair and the lines of her dress were arranged with the simplicity which always signifies taste in those quarters where devoutness is taken as one element of dignity. She might have been the wife of some high German official. Except that her jewellery added something fantastically lavish to her appearance; indeed, it was almost priceless, and consisted of ear pendants and a very long triple chain of softly glowing pearls, as large as cherries.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The children had risen promptly. They bent over to kiss the hand of their mother who, with a distant smile on her well preserved though somewhat tired and peaked features, looked over their heads and directed a few words to the governess in French. Then she walked to the glass door. The children followed her: the girls in the order of their age, after them the governess, the boy last. For some reason or other he turned around before crossing the sill, and since no one else was in the lobby his strange dusky eyes met those of Aschenbach who, his newspaper on his knees, lost in thought, was gazing after the group.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What he saw had not been unusual in the slightest detail. They had not preceded the mother to the table; they had waited, greeted her with respect, and observed the customary forms on entering the room. But it had taken place so pointedly, with such an accent of training, duty, and self-respect, that Aschenbach felt peculiarly touched by it all. He delayed for a few moments, then he too crossed into the dining-room, and was assigned to his table, which, as he noted with a brief touch of regret, was very far removed from that of the Polish family.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Weary, and yet intellectually active, he entertained himself during the lengthy meal with abstract, or even transcendental things; he thought over the secret union which the lawful must enter upon with the individual for human beauty to result, from this he passed into general problems of form and art, and at the end he found that his thoughts and discoveries were like the seemingly felicitous promptings of a dream which, when the mind is sobered, are seen to be completely empty and unfit. After the meal, smoking, sitting, taking an occasional turn in the park with its smell of nightfall, he went to bed early and spent the night in a sleep deep and unbroken, but often enlivened with the apparitions of dreams.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;III (continued)&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The weather did not improve any the following day. A land breeze was blowing. Under a cloudy ashen sky, the sea lay in dull peacefulness; it seemed shrivelled up, with a close dreary horizon, and it had retreated from the beach, baring the long ribs of several sandbanks. As Aschenbach opened his window he thought that he could detect the foul smell of the lagoon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He felt depressed. He thought already of leaving. Once, years ago, after several weeks of spring here, this same weather had afflicted him, and impaired his health so seriously that he had to abandon Venice like a fugitive. Was not this old feverish unrest again setting in, the pressure in the temples, the heaviness of the eyelids? It would be annoying to change his residence still another time; but if the wind did not turn, he could not stay here. To be safe, he did not unpack completely. He breakfasted at nine in the buffet-room provided for this purpose between the lobby and the dining-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That formal silence reigned here which is the ambition of large hotels. The waiters who were serving walked about on soft soles. Nothing was audible but the tinkling of the tea-things, a word half-whispered. In one corner, obliquely across from the door, and two tables removed from his own, Aschenbach observed the Polish girls with their governess. Erect and red-eyed, their ash-blond hair freshly smoothed down, dressed in stiff blue linen with little white cuffs and turned-down collars&#8212;they were sitting there, handing around a glass of marmalade. They had almost finished their breakfast. The boy was missing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach smiled. &#034;Well, little Phaeacian!&#034; he thought. &#034;You seem to be enjoying the pleasant privilege of having your sleep out.&#034; And suddenly exhilarated, he recited to himself the line: &#034;A frequent change of dress; warm baths, and rest.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He breakfasted without haste. From the porter, who entered the hall holding his braided cap in his hand, he received some forwarded mail; and while he smoked a cigarette he opened a few letters. In this way it happened that he was present at the entrance of the late sleeper who was being waited for over yonder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He came through the glass door and crossed the room in silence to his sisters' table. His approach&#8212;the way he held the upper part of his body, and bent his knees, the movement of his white-shod feet&#8212;had an extraordinary charm; he walked very lightly, at once timid and proud, and this became still more lovely through the childish embarrassment with which, twice as he proceeded, he turned his face towards the centre of the room, raising and lowering his eyes. Smiling, with something half-muttered in his soft vague tongue, he took his place; and now, as he turned his full profile to the observer, Aschenbach was again astonished, terrified even, by the really godlike beauty of this human child. To-day the boy was wearing a light blouse of blue and white striped cotton goods, with a red silk tie in front, and closed at the neck by a plain white high collar. This collar lacked the distinctiveness of the blouse, but above it the flowering head was poised with an incomparable seductiveness&#8212;the head of an Eros, in blended yellows of Parian marble, with fine serious brows, the temples and ears covered softly by the abrupt encroachment of his curls.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good, good!&#034; Aschenbach thought, with that deliberate expert appraisal which artists sometimes employ as a subterfuge when they have been carried away with delight before a masterwork. And he thought further: &#034;Really, if the sea and the beach weren't waiting for me, I should stay here as long as you stayed!&#034; But he went then, passed through the lobby under the inspection of the servants, down the wide terrace, and straight across the boardwalk to the section of the beach reserved for the hotel guests. The barefoot old man in dungarees and straw hat who was functioning here as bathing master assigned him to the bath house he had rented; a table and a seat were placed on the sandy board platform, and he made himself comfortable in the lounge chair which he had drawn closer to the sea, out into the waxen yellow sand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
More than ever before he was entertained and amused by the sights on the beach, this spectacle of carefree, civilized people getting sensuous enjoyment at the very edge of the elements. The grey flat sea was already alive with wading children, swimmers, a motley of figures lying on the sandbanks with arms bent behind their heads. Others were rowing about in little red and blue striped boats without keels; they were continually upsetting, amid laughter. Before the long stretches of bathing houses, where people were sitting on the platforms as though on small verandahs, there was a play of movement against the line of rest and inertness behind&#8212;visits and chatter, fastidious morning elegance alongside the nakedness which, boldly at ease, was enjoying the freedom which the place afforded. Further in front, on the damp firm sand, people were parading about in white bathing cloaks, in ample, brilliantly coloured wrappers. An elaborate sand pile to the right, erected by children, had flags in the colours of all nations planted around it. Venders of shells, cakes, and fruit spread out their wares, kneeling. To the left, before one of the bathing houses which stood at right angles to the others and to the sea, a Russian family was encamped: men with beards and large teeth, slow delicate women, a Baltic girl sitting by an easel and painting the sea amidst exclamations of despair, two ugly good-natured children, an old maid-servant who wore a kerchief on her head and had the alert scraping manners of a slave. Delighted and appreciative, they were living there, patiently calling the names of the two rowdy disobedient children, using their scanty Italian to joke with the humorous old man from whom they were buying candy, kissing one another on the cheek, and not in the least concerned with any one who might be observing their community.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, I shall stay,&#034; Aschenbach thought. &#034;Where would things be better?&#034; And his hands folded in his lap, he let his eyes lose themselves in the expanses of the sea, his gaze gliding, swimming, and failing in the monotone mist of the wilderness of space. He loved the ocean for deep-seated reasons: because of that yearning for rest, when the hard-pressed artist hungers to shut out the exacting multiplicities of experience and hide himself on the breast of the simple, the vast; and because of a forbidden hankering&#8212;seductive, by virtue of its being directly opposed to his obligations&#8212;after the incommunicable, the incommensurate, the eternal, the non-existent. To be at rest in the face of perfection is the hunger of everyone who is aiming at excellence; and what is the non-existent but a form of perfection? But now, just as his dreams were so far out in vacancy, suddenly the horizontal fringe of the sea was broken by a human figure; and as he brought his eyes back from the unbounded, and focussed them, it was the lovely boy who was there, coming from the left and passing him on the sand. He was barefooted, ready for wading, his slender legs exposed above the knees; he walked slowly, but as lightly and proudly as though it were the customary thing for him to move about without shoes; and he was looking around him towards the line of bathing houses opposite. But as soon as he had noticed the Russian family, occupied with their own harmony and contentment, a cloud of scorn and detestation passed over his face. His brow darkened, his mouth was compressed, he gave his lips an embittered twist to one side so that the cheek was distorted, and the forehead became so heavily furrowed that the eyes seemed sunken beneath its pressure: malicious and glowering, they spoke the language of hate. He looked down, looked back once more threateningly, then with his shoulder made an abrupt gesture of disdain and dismissal, and left the enemy behind him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A kind of pudency or confusion, something like respect and shyness, caused Aschenbach to turn away as though he had seen nothing. For the earnest-minded who have been casual observers of some passion, struggle against making use, even to themselves, of what they have seen. But he was both cheered and unstrung&#8212;which is to say, he was happy. This childish fanaticism, directed against the most good-natured possible aspect of life&#8212;it brought the divinely arbitrary into human relationships; it made a delightful natural picture which had appealed only to the eye now seem worthy of a deeper sympathy; and it gave the figure of this half-grown boy, who had already been important enough by his sheer beauty, something to offset him still further, and to make one take him more seriously than his years justified. Still looking away, Aschenbach could hear the boy's voice, the shrill, somewhat weak voice with which, in the distance now, he was trying to call hello to his playfellows busied around the sand pile. They answered him, shouting back his name, or some affectionate nickname; and Aschenbach listened with a certain curiosity, without being able to catch anything more definite than two melodic syllables like &#034;Adgio,&#034; or still more frequently &#034;Adgiu,&#034; with a ringing u-sound prolonged at the end. He was pleased with the resonance of this; he found it adequate to the subject. He repeated it silently and, satisfied, turned to his letters and manuscripts.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His small portable writing-desk on his knees he began writing with his fountain pen an answer to this or that bit of correspondence. But after the first fifteen minutes he found it a pity to abandon the situation&#8212;the most enjoyable he could think of&#8212;in this manner and waste it in activities which did not interest him. He tossed the writing materials to one side, and he faced the ocean again; soon afterwards, diverted by the childish voices around the sand heap, he revolved his head comfortably along the back of the chair towards the right, to discover where that excellent little Adgio might be and what he was doing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was found at a glance; the red tie on his breast was not to be overlooked. Busied with the others in laying an old plank across the damp moat of the sand castle, he was nodding, and shouting instructions for this work. There were about ten companions with him, boys and girls of his age, and a few younger ones who were chattering with one another in Polish, French, and in several Balkan tongues. But it was his name which rang out most often. He was openly in demand, sought after, admired. One boy especially, like him a Pole, a stocky fellow who was called something like &#034;Jaschu,&#034; with sleek black hair and a belted linen coat, seemed to be his closest vassal and friend. When the work on the sand structure was finished for the time being, they walked aim in arm along the beach, and the boy who was called &#034;Jaschu&#034; kissed the beauty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach was half minded to raise a warning finger. &#034;I advise you, Cristobulus,&#034; he thought, smiling, &#034;to travel for a year! For you need that much time at least to get over it.&#034; And then he breakfasted on large ripe strawberries which he got from a peddler. It had become very warm, although the sun could no longer penetrate the blanket of mist in the sky. Laziness clogged his brain, even while his senses delighted in the numbing, drugging distractions of the ocean's stillness. To guess, to puzzle out just what name it was that sounded something like &#034;Adgio,&#034; seemed to the sober man an appropriate ambition, a thoroughly comprehensive pursuit. And with the aid of a few scrappy recollections of Polish he decided that they must mean Tadzio, the shortened form of Tadeusz, and sounding like Tadziu when it is called.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tadzio was bathing. Aschenbach, who had lost sight of him, spied his head and the arm with which he was propelling himself, far out in the water; for the sea must have been smooth for a long distance out. But already people seemed worried about him; women's voices were calling after him from the bathing houses, uttering this name again and again. It almost dominated the beach like a battle-cry, and with its soft consonants, its long drawn u-note at the end, it had something at once sweet and wild about it: &#034;Tadziu! Tadziu!&#034; He turned back; beating the resistent water into a foam with his legs he hurried, his head bent down over the waves. And to see how this living figure, graceful and clean-cut in its advance, with dripping curls, and lovely as some frail god, came up out of the depths of sky and sea, rose and separated from the elements&#8212;this spectacle aroused a sense of myth, it was like some poet's recovery of time at its beginning, of the origin of forms and the birth of gods. Aschenbach listened with closed eyes to this song ringing within him, and he thought again that it was pleasant here, and that he would like to remain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Later Tadzio was resting from his bath; he lay in the sand, wrapped in his white robe, which was drawn under the right shoulder, his head supported on his bare arm. And even when Aschenbach was not observing him, but was reading a few pages in his book, he hardly ever forgot that this boy was lying there and that it would cost him only a slight turn of his head to the right to behold the mystery. It seemed that he was sitting here just to keep watch over his repose&#8212;busied with his own concerns, and yet constantly aware of this noble picture at his right, not far in the distance. And he was stirred by a paternal affection, the profound leaning which those who have devoted their thoughts to the creation of beauty feel towards those who possess beauty itself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A little past noon he left the beach, returned to the hotel, and was taken up to his room. He stayed there for some time in front of the mirror, looking at his grey hair, his tired sharp features. At this moment he thought of his reputation, and of the fact that he was often recognized on the streets and observed with respect, thanks to the sure aim and the appealing finish of his words. He called up all the exterior successes of his talent which he could think of, remembering also his elevation to the knighthood. Then he went down to the dining-hall for lunch, and ate at his little table. As he was riding up in the lift, after the meal was ended, a group of young people just coming from breakfast pressed into the swaying cage after him, and Tadzio entered too. He stood quite near to Aschenbach, for the first time so near that Aschenbach could see him, not with the aloofness of a picture, but in minute detail, in all his human particularities. The boy was addressed by someone or other, and as he was answering with an indescribably agreeable smile he stepped out again, on the second floor, walking backwards, and with his eyes lowered. &#034;Beauty makes modest,&#034; Aschenbach thought, and he tried insistently to explain why this was so. But he had noticed that Tadzio's teeth were not all they should be; they were somewhat jagged and pale. The enamel did not look healthy; it had a peculiar brittleness and transparency, as is often the case with anaemics. &#034;He is very frail, he is sickly,&#034; Aschenbach thought. &#034;In all probability he will not grow old.&#034; And he refused to reckon with the feeling of gratification or reassurance which accompanied this notion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He spent two hours in his room, and in the afternoon he rode in the &lt;i&gt;vaporetto&lt;/i&gt; across the foul-smelling lagoon to Venice. He got off at San Marco, took tea on the Piazza, and then, in accord with his schedule for the day, he went for a walk through the streets. Yet it was this walk which produced a complete reversal in his attitudes and his plans.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
An offensive sultriness lay over the streets. The air was so heavy that the smells pouring out of homes, stores, and eating houses became mixed with oil, vapours, clouds of perfume, and still other odours&#8212;and these would not blow away, but hung in layers. Cigarette smoke remained suspended, disappearing very slowly. The crush of people along the narrow streets irritated rather than entertained the walker. The farther he went, the more he was depressed by the repulsive condition resulting from the combination of sea air and sirocco, which was at the same time both stimulating and enervating. He broke into an uncomfortable sweat. His eyes failed him, his chest became tight, he had a fever, the blood was pounding in his head. He fled from the crowded business streets across a bridge into the walks of the poor. On a quiet square, one of those forgotten and enchanting places which lie in the interior of Venice, he rested at the brink of a well, dried his forehead, and realized that he would have to leave here.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For the second and last time it had been demonstrated that this city in this kind of weather was decidedly unhealthy for him. It seemed foolish to attempt a stubborn resistance, while the prospects for a change of wind were completely uncertain. A quick decision was called for. It was not possible to go home this soon. Neither summer nor winter quarters were prepared to receive him. But this was not the only place where there were sea and beach; and elsewhere these could be found without the lagoon and its malarial mists. He remembered a little watering place not far from Trieste which had been praised to him. Why not there? And without delay, so that this new change of location would still have time to do him some good. He pronounced this as good as settled, and stood up. At the next gondola station he took a boat back to San Marco, and was led through the dreary labyrinth of canals, under fancy marble balconies flanked with lions, around the corners of smooth walls, past the sorrowing fa&#231;ades of palaces which mirrored large dilapidated business-signs in the pulsing water. He had trouble arriving there, for the gondolier, who was in league with lace-makers and glass-blowers, was always trying to land him for inspections and purchases; and just as the bizarre trip through Venice would begin to cast its spell, the greedy business sense of the sunken Queen did all it could to destroy the illusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When he had returned to the hotel he announced at the office before dinner that unforeseen developments necessitated his departure the following morning. He was assured of their regrets. He settled his accounts. He dined, and spent the warm evening reading the newspapers in a rocking-chair on the rear terrace. Before going to bed he got his luggage all ready for departure.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He did not sleep so well as he might, since the impending break-up made him restless. When he opened the window in the morning the sky was as overcast as ever, but the air seemed fresher, and he was already beginning to repent. Hadn't his decision been somewhat hasty and uncalled for, the result of a passing diffidence and indisposition? If he had delayed a little, if, instead of surrendering so easily, he had made some attempt to adjust himself to the air of Venice or to wait for an improvement in the weather, he would not be so rushed and inconvenienced, but could anticipate another forenoon on the beach like yesterday's. Too late. Now he would have to go on wanting what he had wanted yesterday. He dressed, and at about eight o'clock rode down to the ground floor for breakfast.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As he entered, the buffet-room was still empty of guests. A few came in while he sat waiting for his order. With his tea cup to his lips, he saw the Polish girls and their governess appear: rigid, with morning freshness, their eyes still red, they walked across to their table in the corner by the window. Immediately afterwards, the porter approached him, cap in hand, and warned him that it was time to go. The automobile is ready to take him and the other passengers to the Hotel Excelsior, and from here the motorboat will bring the ladies and gentlemen to the station through the company's private canal. Time is pressing.&#8212;Aschenbach found that it was doing nothing of the sort. It was still over an hour before his train left. He was irritated by this hotel custom of hustling departing guests out of the house, and indicated to the porter that he wished to finish his breakfast in peace. The man retired hesitatingly, to appear again five minutes later. It is impossible for the car to wait any longer. Then he would take a cab, and carry his trunk with him, Aschenbach replied in anger. He would use the public steamboat at the proper time, and he requested that it be left to him personally to worry about his departure. The employee bowed himself away. Pleased with the way he had warded off these importunate warnings, Aschenbach finished his meal at leisure; in fact, he even let the waiter bring him a newspaper. The time had become quite short when he finally arose. It was fitting that at the same moment Tadzio should come through the glass door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the way to his table he walked in the opposite direction to Aschenbach, lowering his eyes modestly before the man with the grey hair and high forehead, only to raise them again, in his delicious manner, soft and full upon him&#8212;and he had passed. &#034;Good-bye, Tadzio!&#034; Aschenbach thought. &#034;I did not see much of you.&#034; He did what was unusual with him, really formed the words on his lips and spoke them to himself; then he added, &#034;God bless you!&#034;&#8212;After this he left, distributed tips, was ushered out by the small gentle manager in the French frock coat, and made off from the hotel on foot, as he had come, going along the white blossoming avenue which crossed the island to the steamer bridge, accompanied by the house servant carrying his hand luggage. He arrived, took his place&#8212;and then followed a painful journey through all the depths of regret.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was the familiar trip across the lagoon, past San Marco, up the Grand Canal. Aschenbach sat on the circular bench at the bow, his arm supported against the railing, shading his eyes with his hand. The public gardens were left behind, the Piazzetta opened up once more in princely splendour and was gone, then came the great flock of palaces, and as the channel made a turn the magnificently slung marble arch of the Rialto came into view. The traveller was watching; his emotions were in conflict. The atmosphere of the city, this slightly foul smell of sea and swamp which he had been so anxious to avoid&#8212;he breathed it now in deep, exquisitely painful draughts. Was it possible that he had not known, had not considered, just how much he was attached to all this? What had been a partial misgiving this morning, a faint doubt as to the advisability of his move, now became a distress, a positive misery, a spiritual hunger, and so bitter that it frequently brought tears to his eyes, while he told himself that he could not possibly have foreseen it. Hardest of all to bear, at times completely insufferable, was the thought that he would never see Venice again, that this was a leave-taking for ever. Since it had been shown for the second time that the city affected his health, since he was compelled for the second time to get away in all haste, from now on he would have to consider it a place impossible and forbidden to him, a place which he was not equal to, and which it would be foolish for him to visit again. Yes, he felt that if he left now, he would be shamefaced and defiant enough never to see again the beloved city which had twice caused him a physical break-down. And of a sudden this struggle between his desires and his physical strength seemed to the aging man so grave and important, his physical defeat seemed so dishonourable, so much a challenge to hold out at any cost, that he could not understand the ready submissiveness of the day before, when he had decided to give in without attempting any serious resistance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Meanwhile the steamboat was nearing the station; pain and perplexity increased, he became distracted. In his affliction, he felt that it was impossible to leave, and just as impossible to turn back. The conflict was intense as he entered the station. It was very late; there was not a moment to lose if he was to catch the train. He wanted to, and he did not want to. But time was pressing; it drove him on. He hurried to get his ticket, and looked about in the tumult of the hall for the officer on duty here from the hotel. The man appeared and announced that the large trunk had been transferred. Transferred already? Yes, thank you&#8212;to Como. To Como? And in the midst of hasty running back and forth, angry questions and confused answers, it came to light that the trunk had already been sent with other foreign baggage from the express office of the Hotel Excelsior in a completely wrong direction.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach had difficulty in preserving the expression which was required under these circumstances. He was almost convulsed with an adventurous delight, an unbelievable hilarity. The employee rushed off to see if it were still possible to stop the trunk, and as was to be expected he returned with nothing accomplished. Aschenbach declared that he did not want to travel without his trunk, but had decided to go back and wait at the beach hotel for its return. Was the company's motorboat still at the station? The man assured him that it was lying at the door. With Italian volubility he persuaded the clerk at the ticket window to redeem the cancelled ticket, he swore that they would act speedily, that no time or money would be spared in recovering the trunk promptly, and&#8212;so the strange thing happened that, twenty minutes after his arrival at the station, the traveller found himself again on the Grand Canal, returning to the Lido.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Here was an adventure, wonderful, abashing, and comically dreamlike beyond belief: places which he had just bid farewell to for ever in the most abject misery&#8212;yet he had been turned and driven back by fate, and was seeing them again in the same hour! The spray from the bow, washing between gondolas and steamers with an absurd agility, shot the speedy little craft ahead to its goal, while the one passenger was hiding the nervousness and ebullience of a truant boy under the mask of resigned anger. From time to time he shook with laughter at this mishap which, as he told himself, could not have turned out better for a child of destiny. There were explanations to be given, expressions of astonishment to be faced&#8212;and then, he told himself, everything would be all right; then a misfortune would be avoided, a grave error rectified. And all that he had thought he was leaving behind him would be open to him again, there at his disposal. . . . And to cap it all, was the rapidity of the ride deceiving him, or was the wind really coming from the sea?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The waves beat against the walls of the narrow canal which runs through the island to the Hotel Excelsior. An automobile omnibus was awaiting his return there, and took him above the rippling sea straight to the beach hotel. The little manager with moustache and long-tailed frock coat came down the stairs to meet him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He ingratiatingly regretted the episode, spoke of it as highly painful to him and the establishment, but firmly approved of Aschenbach's decision to wait here for the baggage. Of course his room had been given up, but there was another one, just as good, which he could occupy immediately. &#034;Pas de chance, Monsieur,&#034; the Swiss elevator boy smiled as they were ascending. And so the fugitive was established again, in a room almost identical to the other in its location and furnishings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tired out by the confusion of this strange forenoon, he distributed the contents of his hand-bag about the room and dropped into an arm-chair by the open window. The sea had become a pale green, the air seemed thinner and purer; the beach, with its cabins and boats, seemed to have colour, although the sky was still grey. Aschenbach looked out, his hands folded in his lap; he was content to be back, but shook his head disapprovingly at his irresolution, his failure to know his own mind. He sat here for the better part of an hour, resting and dreaming vaguely. About noon he saw Tadzio in a striped linen suit with a red tie, coming back from the sea across the private beach and along the boardwalk to the hotel. Aschenbach recognized him from this altitude before he had actually set eyes on him; he was about to think some such words as &#034;Well, Tadzio, there you are again!&#034; but at the same moment he felt this careless greeting go dumb before the truth in his heart. He felt the exhilaration of his blood, a conflict of pain and pleasure, and he realized that it was Tadzio who had made it so difficult for him to leave.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sat very still, entirely unobserved from this height, and looked within himself. His features were alert, his eyebrows raised, and an attentive, keenly inquisitive smile distended his mouth. Then he raised his head; lifted both hands, which had hung relaxed over the arms of the chair, and in a slow twisting movement turned the palms downward&#8212;as though to suggest an opening and spreading outward of his arms. It was a spontaneous act of welcome, of calm acceptance.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;CHAPTERIV&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Day after day now the naked god with the hot cheeks drove his fire-breathing quadriga across the expanses of the sky, and his yellow locks fluttered in the assault of the east wind. A white silk sheen stretched over the slowly simmering Ponto. The sand glowed. Beneath the quaking silver blue of the ether rust-coloured canvasses were spread in front of the beach bathing houses, and the afternoons were spent in the sharply demarcated spots of shade which they cast. But it was also delightful in the evening, when the vegetation in the park had the smell of balsam, and the stars were working through their courses above, and the soft persistent murmur of the sea came up enchantingly through the night. Such evenings contained the cheering promise that more sunny days of casual idleness would follow, dotted with countless closely interspersed possibilities of well-timed accidents.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The guest who was detained here by such an accommodating mishap did not consider the return of his property as sufficient grounds for another departure. He suffered some inconvenience for two days, and had to appear for meals in the large dining-room in his travelling clothes. When the strayed luggage was finally deposited in his room again, he unpacked completely and filled the closet and drawers with his belongings; he had decided to remain here indefinitely, content now that he could pass the hours on the beach in a silk suit and appear for dinner at his little table again in appropriate evening dress.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The comfortable rhythm of this life had already cast its spell over him; he was soon enticed by the ease, the mild splendour, of his programme. Indeed, what a place to be in, when the usual allurement of living in watering places on southern shores was coupled with the immediate nearness of the most wonderful of all cities! Aschenbach was not a lover of pleasure. Whenever that was some call for him to take a holiday, to indulge himself, to have a good time&#8212;and this was especially true at an earlier age&#8212;restlessness and repugnance soon drove him back to his rigorous toil, the faithful sober efforts of his daily routine. Except that this place was bewitching him, relaxing his will, making him happy. In the mornings, under the shelter of his bathing house, letting his eyes roam dreamily in the blue of the southern sea; or on a warm night as he leaned back against the cushions of the gondola carrying him under the broad starry sky home to the Lido from the Piazza di San Marco after long hours of idleness&#8212;and the brilliant lights, the melting notes of the serenade were being left behind&#8212;he often recalled his place in the mountains, the scene of his battles in the summer, where the clouds blew low across his garden, and terrifying storms put out the lamps at night, and the crows which he fed were swinging in the tops of the pine trees. Then everything seemed just right to him, as though he were lifted into the Elysian fields, on the borders of the earth, where man enjoys the easiest life, where there is no snow or winter, nor storms and pouring rains, but where Oceanus continually sends forth gentle cooling breezes, and the days pass in a blessed inactivity, without work, without effort, devoted wholly to the sun and to the feast days of the sun.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach saw the boy Tadzio frequently, almost constantly. Owing to the limited range of territory and the regularity of their lives, the beauty was near him at short intervals throughout the day. He saw him, met him, everywhere: in the lower rooms of the hotel, on the cooling water trips to the city and back, in the arcades of the square, and at times when he was especially lucky ran across him on the streets. But principally, and with the most gratifying regularity, the forenoon on the beach allowed him to admire and study this rare spectacle at his leisure. Yes, it was this guaranty of happiness, this daily recurrence of good fortune, which made his stay here so precious, and gave him such pleasure in the constant procession of sunny days.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was up as early as he used to be when under the driving pressure of work, and was on the beach before most people, when the sun was still mild and the sea lay blinding white in the dreaminess of morning. He spoke amiably to the guard of the private beach, and also spoke familiarly to the barefoot, white-bearded old man who had prepared his place for him, stretching the brown canopy and bringing the furniture of the cabin out on the platform. Then he took his seat. There would now be three or four hours in which the sun mounted and gained terrific strength, the sea a deeper and deeper blue, and he might look at Tadzio.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He saw him approaching from the left, along the edge of the sea; he saw him as he stepped out backwards from among the cabins; or he would suddenly find, with a shock of pleasure, that he had missed his coming, that he was already here in the blue and white bathing suit which was his only garment now while on the beach, that he had already commenced his usual activities in the sun and the sand&#8212;a pleasantly trifling, idle, and unstable manner of living, a mixture of rest and play. Tadzio would saunter about, wade, dig, catch things, lie down, go for a swim, all the while being kept under surveillance by the women on the platform who made his name ring out in their falsetto voices: &#034;Tadziu! Tadziu!&#034; Then he would come running to them with a look of eagerness, to tell them what he had seen, what he had experienced, or to show them what he had found or caught: mussels, sea-horses, jelly-fish, and crabs that ran sideways. Aschenbach did not understand a word he said, and though it might have been the most ordinary thing in the world, it was a vague harmony in his ear. So the foreignness of the boy's speech turned it into music, a wanton sun poured its prodigal splendour down over him, and his figure was always set off against the background of an intense sea-blue.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This piquant body was so freely exhibited that his eyes soon knew every line and posture. He was continually rediscovering with new pleasure all this familiar beauty, and his astonishment at its delicate appeal to his senses was unending. The boy was called to greet a guest who was paying his respects to the ladies at the bathing house. He came running, running wet perhaps out of the water, tossed back his curls, and as he held out his hand, resting on one leg and raising his other foot on the toes, the set of his body was delightful; it had a charming expectancy about it, a well-meaning shyness, a winsomeness which showed his aristocratic training. . . . He lay stretched full length, his bath towel slung across his shoulders, his delicately chiselled arm supported in the sand, his chin in his palm; the boy called Jaschu was squatting near him and making up to him&#8212;and nothing could be more enchanting than the smile of his eyes and lips when the leader glanced up at his inferior, his servant. . . . He stood on the edge of the sea, alone, apart from his people, quite near to Aschenbach&#8212;erect, his hands locked across the back of his neck, he swayed slowly on the balls of his feet, looked dreamily into the blueness of sea and sky, while tiny waves rolled up and bathed his feet. His honey-coloured hair clung in rings about his neck and temples. The sun made the down on his back glitter; the fine etching of the ribs, the symmetry of the chest, were emphasized by the tightness of the suit across the buttocks. His arm-pits were still as smooth as those of a statue; the hollows of his knees glistened, and their bluish veins made his body seem built of some clearer stuff. What rigour, what precision of thought, were expressed in this erect, youthfully perfect body! Yet the pure and strenuous will which, darkly at work, could bring such godlike sculpture to the light&#8212;was not he, the artist, familiar with this? Did it not operate in him too when he, under the press of frugal passions, would free from the marble mass of speech some slender form which he had seen in the mind and which he put before his fellows as a statue and a mirror of intellectual beauty?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Statue and mirror! His eyes took in the noble form there bordered with blue; and with a rush of enthusiasm he felt that in this spectacle he was catching the beautiful itself, form as the thought of God, the one pure perfection which lives in the mind, and which, in this symbol and likeness, had been placed here quietly and simply as an object of devotion. That was drunkenness; and eagerly, without thinking, the aging artist welcomed it. His mind was in travail; all that he had learned, dropped back into flux; his understanding threw up age-old thoughts which he had inherited with youth though they had never before lived with their own fire. Is it not written that the sun diverts our attention from intellectual to sensual things? Reason and understanding, it is said, become so numbed and enchanted that the soul forgets everything out of delight with its immediate circumstances, and in astonishment becomes attached to the most beautiful object shined on by the sun; indeed, only with the aid of a body is it capable then of raising itself to higher considerations. To be sure, Amor did as the instructors of mathematics who show backward children tangible representations of the pure forms&#8212;similarly the god, in order to make the spiritual visible for us, readily utilized the form and colour of man's youth, and as a reminder he adorned these with the reflected splendour of beauty which, when we behold it, makes us flare up in pain and hope.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His enthusiasm suggested these things, put him in the mood for them. And from the noise of the sea and the lustre of the sun he wove himself a charming picture. Here was the old plane-tree, not far from the walls of Athens&#8212;a holy, shadowy place filled with the smell of &lt;i&gt;agnus castus&lt;/i&gt; blossoms and decorated with ornaments and images sacred to Achelous and the Nymphs. Clear and pure, the brook at the foot of the spreading tree fell across the smooth pebbles; the cicadas were fiddling. But on the grass, which was like a pillow gently sloping to the head, two people were stretched out, in hiding from the heat of the day: an older man and a youth, one ugly and one beautiful, wisdom next to loveliness. And amid gallantries and skilfully engaging banter, Socrates was instructing Phaedrus in matters of desire and virtue. He spoke to him of the hot terror which the initiate suffer when their eyes light on an image of the eternal beauty; spoke of the greed of the impious and the wicked who cannot think beauty when they see its likeness, and who are incapable of reverence; spoke of the holy distress which befalls the noble-minded when a godlike countenance, a perfect body, appears before them; they tremble and grow distracted, and hardly dare to raise their eyes, and they honour the man who possesses this beauty, yes, if they were not afraid of being thought downright madmen they would sacrifice to the beloved as to the image of a god. For beauty, my Phaedrus, beauty alone is both lovely and visible at once; it is, mark me, the only form of the spiritual which we can receive through the senses. Else what would become of us if the divine, if reason and virtue and truth, should appear to us through the senses? Should we not perish and be consumed with love, as Semele once was with Zeus? Thus, beauty is the sensitive man's access to the spirit&#8212;but only a road, a means simply, little Phaedrus. . . . And then this crafty suitor made the neatest remark of all; it was this, that the lover is more divine than the beloved, since the god is in the one, but not in the other&#8212;perhaps the most delicate, the most derisive thought which has ever been framed, and the one from which spring all the cunning and the profoundest pleasures of desire.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Writers are happiest with an idea which can become all emotion, and an emotion all idea. Just such a pulsating idea, such a precise emotion, belonged to the lonely man at this moment, was at his call. Nature, it ran, shivers with ecstasy when the spirit bows in homage before beauty. Suddenly he wanted to write. Eros loves idleness, they say, and he is suited only to idleness. But at this point in the crisis the affliction became a stimulus towards productivity. The incentive hardly mattered. A request, an agitation for an open statement on a certain large burning issue of culture and taste, was going about the intellectual world, and had finally caught up with the traveller here. He was familiar with the subject, it had touched his own experience; and suddenly he felt an irresistible desire to display it in the light of his own version. And he even went so far as to prefer working in Tadzio's presence, taking the scope of the boy as a standard for his writing, making his style follow the lines of this body which seemed godlike to him, and carrying his beauty over into the spiritual just as the eagle once carried the Trojan stag up into the ether. Never had his joy in words been more sweet. He had never been so aware that Eros is in the word as during those perilously precious hours when, at his crude table under the canopy, facing the idol and listening to the music of his voice, he followed Tadzio's beauty in the forming of his little tract, a page and a half of choice prose which was soon to excite the admiration of many through its clarity, its poise, and the vigorous curve of its emotion. Certainly it is better for people to know only the beautiful product as finished, and not in its conception, its conditions of origin. For knowledge of the sources from which the artist derives his inspiration would often confuse and alienate, and in this way detract from the effects of his mastery. Strange hours! Strangely enervating efforts! Rare creative intercourse between the spirit and a body! When Aschenbach put away his work and started back from the beach be felt exhausted, or in dispersion even; and it was as though his conscience were complaining after some transgression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The following morning, as he was about to leave the hotel, he looked off from the steps and noticed that Tadzio, who was alone and was already on his way towards the sea, was just approaching the private beach. He was half tempted by the simple notion of seizing this opportunity to strike up a casual friendly acquaintanceship with the boy who had been the unconscious source of so much agitation and upheaval; he wanted to address him, and enjoy the answering look in his eyes. The boy was sauntering along, he could be overtaken; and Aschenbach quickened his pace. He reached him on the boardwalk behind the bathing houses; was about to lay a hand on his head and shoulders; and some word or other, an amiable phrase in French, was on the tip of his tongue. But he felt that his heart, due also perhaps to his rapid stride, was beating like a hammer; and he was so short of breath that his voice would have been tight and trembling. He hesitated, he tried to get himself under control. Suddenly he became afraid that he had been walking too long so close behind the boy. He was afraid of arousing curiosity and causing him to look back questioningly. He made one more spurt, failed, surrendered, and passed with bowed head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Too late!&#034; he thought immediately. Too late! Yet was it too late? This step which he had just been on the verge of taking would very possibly have put things on a sound, free and easy basis, and would have restored him to wholesome soberness. But the fact was that Aschenbach did not want soberness: his intoxication was too precious. Who can explain the stamp and the nature of the artist! Who can understand this deep instinctive welding of discipline and licence? For to be unable to want wholesome soberness, is licence. Aschenbach was no longer given to self-criticism. His tastes, the mental caliber of his years, his self-respect, ripeness, and a belated simplicity made him unwilling to dismember his motives and to debate whether his impulses were the result of conscientiousness or of dissolution and weakness. He was embarrassed, as he feared that someone or other, if only the guard on the beach, must have observed his pursuit and defeat. He was very much afraid of the ridiculous. Further, he joked with himself about his comically pious distress. &#034;Downed,&#034; he thought, &#034;downed like a rooster, with his wings hanging miserably in the battle. It really is a god who can, at one sight of his loveliness, break our courage this way and force down our pride so thoroughly. . . .&#034; He toyed and skirmished with his emotions, and was far too haughty to be afraid of them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had already ceased thinking about the time when the vacation period which he had fixed for himself would expire; the thought of going home never even suggested itself. He had sent for an ample supply of money. His only concern was with the possible departure of the Polish family; by a casual questioning of the hotel barber he had contrived to learn that these people had come here only a short time before his own arrival. The sun browned his face and hands, the invigorating salt breezes made him feel fresher. Once he had been in the habit of expending on his work every bit of nourishment which food, sleep, or nature could provide him; and similarly now he was generous and uneconomical, letting pass off as elation and emotion all the daily strengthening derived from sun, idleness, and sea air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His sleep was fitful; the preciously uniform days were separated by short nights of happy unrest. He did retire early, for at nine o'clock, when Tadzio had disappeared from the scene, the day seemed over. But at the first grey of dawn he was awakened by a gently insistent shock; he suddenly remembered his adventure, he could no longer remain in bed; he arose, and clad lightly against the chill of morning, he sat down by the open window to await the rising of the sun. Revived by his sleep, he watched this miraculous event with reverence. Sky, earth, and sea still lay in glassy, ghost-like twilight; a dying star still floated in the emptiness of space But a breeze started up, a winged message from habitations beyond reach, telling that Eros was rising from beside her husband. And that first sweet reddening in the farthest stretches of sky and sea took place by which the sentiency of creation is announced. The goddess was approaching, the seductress of youth who stole Cleitus and Cephalus, and despite the envy of all the Olympians enjoyed the love of handsome Orion. A strewing of roses began there on the edge of the world, an unutterably pure glowing and blooming. Childish clouds, lighted and shined through, floated like busy little Cupids in the rosy, bluish mist. Purple fell upon the sea, which seemed to be simmering, and washing the colour towards him. Golden spears shot up into the sky from behind. The splendour caught fire, silently, and with godlike power an intense flame of licking tongues broke out&#8212;and with rattling hoofs the brother's sacred chargers mounted the horizon. Lighted by the god's brilliance, he sat there, keeping watch alone. He closed his eyes, letting this glory play against the lids. Past emotions, precious early afflictions and yearnings which had been stifled by his rigorous programme of living, were now returning in such strange new forms. With an embarrassed, astonished smile, he recognized them. He was thinking, dreaming; slowly his lips formed a name. And still smiling, with his face turned upwards, hands folded in his lap, he fell asleep again in his chair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the day which began with such fiery solemnity underwent a strange mythical transformation. Where did the breeze originate which suddenly began playing so gently and insinuatingly, like some whispered suggestion, about his ears and temples? Little white choppy clouds stood in the sky in scattered clumps, like the pasturing herds of the gods. A stronger wind arose, and the steeds of Poseidon came prancing up, and along with them the steers which belonged to the blue-locked god, bellowing and lowering their horns as they ran. Yet among the detritus of the more distant beach waves were hopping forward like agile goats. He was caught in the enchantment of a sacredly distorted world full of Panic life&#8212;and he dreamed delicate legends. Often, when the sun was sinking behind Venice, he would sit on a bench in the park observing Tadzio who was dressed in a white suit with a coloured sash and was playing ball on the smooth gravel&#8212;and it was Hyacinth that he seemed to be watching. Hyacinth who was to die because two gods loved him. Yes, he felt Zephyr's aching jealousy of the rival who forgot the oracle, the bow, and the lyre, in order to play for ever with this beauty. He saw the discus, guided by a pitiless envy, strike the lovely head; he too, growing pale, caught the drooping body&#8212;and the flower, sprung from this sweet blood, bore the inscription of his unending grief.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nothing is more unusual and strained than the relationship between people who know each other only with their eyes, who meet daily, even hourly, and yet are compelled, by force of custom or their own caprices, to say no word or make no move of acknowledgement, but to maintain the appearance of an aloof unconcern. There is a restlessness and a surcharged curiosity existing between them, the hysteria of an unsatisfied, unnaturally repressed desire for acquaintanceship and intercourse; and especially there is a kind of tense respect. For one person loves and honours another so long as he cannot judge him, and desire is an evidence of incomplete knowledge.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Some kind of familiarity had necessarily to form itself between Aschenbach and young Tadzio; and it gave the elderly man keen pleasure to see that his sympathies and interests were not left completely unanswered. For example, when the boy appeared on the beach in the morning and was going towards his family's bathing house, what had induced him never to use the boardwalk on the far side of it any more, but to stroll along the front path, through the sand, past Aschenbach's habitual place, and often unnecessarily close to him, almost touching his table, or his chair even? Did the attraction, the fascination of an overpowering emotion have such an effect upon the frail unthinking object of it? Aschenbach watched daily for Tadzio to approach; and sometimes he acted as though he were occupied when this event was taking place, and he let the boy pass unobserved. But at other times he would look up, and their glances met. They were both in deep earnest when this occurred. Nothing in the elderly man's cultivated and dignified expression betrayed any inner movement; but there was a searching look in Tadzio's eyes, a thoughtful questioning&#8212;he began to falter, looked down, then looked up again charmingly, and when he had passed something in his bearing seemed to indicate that it was only his breeding which kept him from turning around.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Once, however, one evening, things turned out differently. The Polish children and their governess had been missing at dinner in the large hall; Aschenbach had noted this uneasily. After the meal, disturbed by their absence, Aschenbach was walking in evening dress and straw hat in front of the hotel at the foot of the terrace, when suddenly he saw the nunlike sisters appear in the light of the arc-lamp, accompanied by their governess and with Tadzio a few steps behind. Evidently they were coming from the steamer pier after having dined for some reason in the city. It must have been cool on the water; Tadzio was wearing a dark blue sailor overcoat with gold buttons, and on his head he had a cap to match. The sun and sea air had not browned him; his skin still had the same yellow marble colour as at first. It even seemed paler to-day than usual, whether from the coolness or from the blanching moonlight of the lamps. His regular eyebrows showed up more sharply, the darkness of his eyes was deeper. It is hard to say how beautiful he was; and Aschenbach was distressed, as he had often been before, by the thought that words can only evaluate sensuous beauty, but not re-give it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had not been prepared for this rich spectacle; it came unhoped for. He had no time to entrench himself behind an expression of repose and dignity. Pleasure, surprise, admiration must have shown on his face as his eyes met those of the boy&#8212;and at this moment it happened that Tadzio smiled, smiled to him, eloquently, familiarly, charmingly, without concealment; and during the smile his lips slowly opened. It was the smile of Narcissus bent over the reflecting water, that deep, fascinated, magnetic smile with which he stretches out his arms to the image of his own beauty&#8212;a smile distorted ever so little, distorted at the hopelessness of his efforts to kiss the pure lips of the shadow. It was coquettish, inquisitive, and slightly tortured. It was infatuated, and infatuating.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had received this smile, and he hurried away as though he carried a fatal gift. He was so broken up that he was compelled to escape the light of the terrace and the front garden; he hastily hunted out the darkness of the park in the rear. Strangely indignant and tender admonitions wrung themselves out of him: &#034;You dare not smile like that! Listen, no one dare smile like that to another!&#034; He threw himself down on a bench; in a frenzy he breathed the night smell of the vegetation. And leaning back, his arms loose, overwhelmed, with frequent chills running through him, he whispered the fixed formula of desire&#8212;impossible in this case, absurd, abject, ridiculous, and yet holy, even in this case venerable: &#034;I love you!&#034;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;CHAPTERV&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;During his fourth week at the Lido Gustav von Aschenbach made several sinister observations touching on the world about him. First, it seemed to him that as the season progressed the number of guests at the hotel was diminishing rather than increasing; and German especially seemed to be dropping away, so that finally he heard nothing but foreign sounds at table and on the beach. Then one day in conversation with the barber, whom he visited often, he caught a word which startled him. The man had mentioned a German family that left soon after their arrival; he added glibly and flatteringly, &#034;But you are staying, sir. You have no fear of the plague.&#034; Aschenbach looked at him. &#034;The plague?&#034; he repeated. The gossiper was silent, made out as though busy with other things, ignored the question. When it was put more insistently, he declared that he knew nothing, and with embarrassing volubility he tried to change the subject.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That was about noon. In the afternoon there was a calm, and Aschenbach rode to Venice under an intense sun. For he was driven by a mania to follow the Polish children whom he had seen with their governess taking the road to the steamer pier. He did not find the idol at San Marco. But while sitting over his tea at his little round iron table on the shady side of the square, he suddenly detected a peculiar odour in the air which, it seemed to him now, he had noticed for days without being consciously aware of it. The smell was sweetish and drug-like, suggesting sickness, and wounds, and a suspicious cleanliness. He tested and examined it thoughtfully, finished his luncheon, and left the square on the side opposite the church. The smell was stronger where the street narrowed. On the corners printed posters were hung, giving municipal warnings against certain diseases of the gastric system liable to occur at this season, against the eating of oysters and clams, and also against the water of the canals. The euphemistic nature of the announcement was palpable. Groups of people had collected in silence on the bridges and squares; and the foreigner stood among them, scenting and investigating.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At a little shop he inquired about the fatal smell, asking the proprietor, who was leaning against his door surrounded by coral chains and imitation amethyst jewellery. The man measured him with heavy eyes, and brightened up hastily. &#034;A matter of precaution, sir!&#034; he answered with a gesture. &#034;A regulation of the police which must be taken for what it is worth. This weather is oppressive, the sirocco is not good for the health. In short, you understand&#8212;an exaggerated prudence perhaps.&#034; Aschenbach thanked him and went on. Also on the steamer back to the Lido he caught the smell of the disinfectant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Returning to the hotel, he went immediately to the periodical stand in the lobby and ran through the papers. He found nothing in the foreign language press. The domestic press spoke of rumours, produced hazy statistics, repeated official denials and questioned their truthfulness. This explained the departure of the German and Austrian guests. Obviously, the subjects of the other nations knew nothing, suspected nothing, were not yet uneasy. &#034;To keep it quiet!&#034; Aschenbach thought angrily, as he threw the papers back on the table. &#034;To keep that quiet!&#034; But at the same moment he was filled with satisfaction over the adventure that was to befall the world about him. For passion, like crime, is not suited to the secure daily rounds of order and well-being; and every slackening in the bourgeois structure, every disorder and affliction of the world, must be held welcome, since they bring with them a vague promise of advantage. So Aschenbach felt a dark contentment with what was taking place, under cover of the authorities, in the dirty alleys of Venice. This wicked secret of the city was welded with his own secret, and he too was involved in keeping it hidden. For in his infatuation he cared about nothing but the possibility of Tadzio's leaving, and he realized with something like terror that he would not know how to go on living if this occurred.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lately he had not been relying simply on good luck and the daily routine for his chances to be near the boy and look at him. He pursued him, stalked him. On Sundays, for instance, the Poles never appeared on the beach. He guessed that they must be attending mass at San Marco. He hurried there; and stepping from the heat of the square into the golden twilight of the church, he found the boy he was hunting, bowed over a &lt;i&gt;prie-dieu&lt;/i&gt;, praying. Then he stood in the background, on the cracked mosaic floor, with people on all sides kneeling, murmuring, and making the sign of the cross. And the compact grandeur of this oriental temple weighed heavily on his senses. In front, the richly ornamented priest was conducting the office, moving about and singing; incense poured forth, clouding the weak little flame of the candle on the altar&#8212;and with the sweet, stuffy sacrificial odour another seemed to commingle faintly: the smell of the infested city. But through the smoke and the sparkle Aschenbach saw how the boy there in front turned his head, hunted him out, and looked at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the crowd was streaming out through the opened portals into the brilliant square with its swarms of pigeons, the lover hid in the vestibule; he kept trader cover, he lay in wait. He saw the Poles quit the church, saw how the children took ceremonious leave of their mother, and how she turned towards the Piazzetta on her way home. He made sure that the boy, the nunlike sisters, and the governess took the road to the right through the gateway of the dock tower and into the Merceria. And after giving them a slight start, he followed, followed them furtively on their walk through Venice. He had to stand still when they stopped, had to take flight in shops and courts to let them pass when they turned back. He lost them; hot and exhausted, he hunted them over bridges and down dirty blind-alleys&#8212;and he underwent minutes of deadly agony when suddenly he saw them coming towards him in a narrow passage where escape was impossible. Yet it could not be said that he suffered. He was drunk, and his steps followed the promptings of the demon who delights in treading human reason and dignity under foot.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In one place Tadzio and his companions took a gondola; and shortly after they had pushed off from the shore, Aschenbach, who had hidden behind some structure, a well, while they were climbing in, now did the same. He spoke in a hurried undertone as he directed the rower, with the promise of a generous tip, to follow unnoticed and at a distance that gondola which was just rounding the corner. And he thrilled when the man, with the roguish willingness of an accomplice, assured him in the same tone that his wishes would be carried out, carried out faithfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Leaning back against the soft black cushions, he rocked and glided towards the other black-beaked craft where his passion was drawing him. At times it escaped; then he felt worried and uneasy. But his pilot, as though skilled in such commissions, was always able through sly manoeuvres, speedy diagonals and shortcuts, to bring the quest into view again. The air was quiet and smelly, the sun burned down strong through the slate-coloured mist. Water slapped against the wood and stone. The call of the gondolier, half warning, half greeting, was answered with a strange obedience far away in the silence of the labyrinth. White and purple umbels with the scent of almonds hung down from little elevated gardens over crumbling walls. Arabian window-casings were outlined through the murkiness. The marble steps of a church descended into the water; a beggar squatted there, protesting his misery, holding out his hat, and showing the whites of his eyes as though he were blind. An antiquarian in front of his den fawned on the passer-by and invited him to stop in the hopes of swindling him. That was Venice, the flatteringly and suspiciously beautiful&#8212;this city, half legend, half snare for strangers; in its foul air art once flourished gluttonously, and had suggested to its musicians seductive notes which cradle and lull. The adventurer felt as though his eyes were taking in this same luxury, as though his ears were being won by just such melodies. He recalled too that the city was diseased and was concealing this through greed&#8212;and he peered more eagerly after the retreating gondola.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus, in his infatuation, he wanted simply to pursue uninterrupted the object that aroused him, to dream of it when it was not there, and, after the fashion of lovers, to speak softly to its mere outline. Loneliness, strangeness, and the joy of a deep belated intoxication encouraged him and prompted him to accept even the remotest things without reserve or shame&#8212;with the result that as he returned late in the evening from Venice, he stopped on the second floor of the hotel before the door of the boy's room, laid his head in utter drunkenness against the hinge of the door, and for a long time could not drag himself away despite the danger of being caught and embarrassed in such a mad situation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yet there were still moments of relief when he came partly to his senses. &#034;Where to!&#034; he would think, alarmed. &#034;Where to!&#034; Like every man whose natural abilities stimulate an aristocratic interest in his ancestry, he was accustomed to think of his forbears in connexion with the accomplishments and successes of his life, to assure himself of their approval, their satisfaction, their undeniable respect. He thought of them now, entangled as he was in such an illicit experience, caught in such exotic transgressions. He thought of their characteristic rigidity of principle, their scrupulous masculinity&#8212;and he smiled dejectedly. What would they say? But then, what would they have said to his whole life, which was almost degenerate in its departure from theirs, this life under the bane of art&#8212;a life against which he himself had once issued such youthful mockeries out of loyalty to his fathers, but which at bottom had been so much like theirs! He too had served, he too had been a soldier and a warrior like many of them&#8212;for art was a war, a destructive battle, and one was not equal to it for long these days. A life of self-conquest and of in-spite-offs, a rigid, sober, and unyielding life which he had formed into the symbol of a delicate and timely heroism. He might well call it masculine, or brave; and it almost seemed as though the Eros mastering him were somehow peculiarly adapted and inclined to such a life. Had not this Eros stood in high repute among the bravest of peoples; was it not true that precisely through bravery he had flourished in their cities? Numerous war heroes of antiquity had willingly borne his yoke, for nothing was deemed a disgrace which the god imposed; and acts which would Have been rebuked as the sign of cowardice if they had been done for other purposes&#8212;prostrations, oaths, entreaties, abjectness&#8212;such things did not bring shame upon the lover, but rather he reaped praise for them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In this way his infatuation determined the course of his thoughts, in this way he tried to uphold himself, to preserve his respect. But at the same time, selfish and calculating, he turned his attention to the unclean transactions here in Venice, this adventure of the outer world which conspired darkly with his own and which fed his passion with vague lawless hopes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Bent on getting reliable news of the condition and progress of the pestilence, he ransacked the local papers in the city caf&#233;s, as they had been missing from the reading table of the hotel lobby for several days now. Statements alternated with disavowals. The number of the sick and dead was supposed to reach twenty, forty, or even a hundred and more&#8212;and immediately afterwards every instance of the plague would be either flatly denied or attributed to completely isolated cases which had crept in from the outside. There were scattered admonitions, protests against the dangerous conduct of foreign authorities. Certainty was impossible. Nevertheless the lone man felt especially entitled to participate in the secret; and although he was excluded, he derived a grotesque satisfaction from putting embarrassing questions to those who did know, and as they were pledged to silence, forcing them into deliberate lies. One day at breakfast in the large dining-hall he entered into a conversation with the manager, that softly-treading little man in the French frock coat who was moving amiably and solicitously about among the diners and had stopped at Aschenbach's table for a few passing words. Just why, the guest asked negligently and casually, had disinfectants become so prevalent in Venice recently? &#034;It has to do,&#034; was the evasive answer, &#034;with a police regulation, and is intended to prevent any inconveniences or disturbances to the public health which might result from the exceptionally warm and threatening weather.&#034; . . . &#034;The police are to be congratulated,&#034; Aschenbach answered; and after the exchange of a few remarks on the weather, the manager left.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yet that same day, in the evening, after dinner, it happened that a little band of strolling singers from the city gave a performance in the front garden of the hotel. Two men and two women, they stood by the iron post of an arc-lamp and turned their whitened faces up towards the large terrace where the guests were enjoying this folk-recital over their coffee and cooling drinks. The hotel personnel, bell boys, waiters, and clerks from the office, could be seen listening by the doors of the vestibule. The Russian family, eager and precise in their amusements, had had wicker chairs placed in the garden in order to be nearer the performers; and they were sitting here in an appreciative semi-circle. Behind the ladies and gentlemen, in her turban-like kerchief, stood the old slave.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mandolin, guitar, harmonica, and a squeaky violin were responding to the touch of the virtuoso beggars. Instrumental numbers alternated with songs, as when the younger of the women, with a sharp trembling voice, joined with the sweetly falsetto tenor in a languishing love duet. But the real talent and leader of the group was undoubtedly the other of the two men, the one with the guitar. He was a kind of &lt;i&gt;buffo&lt;/i&gt; baritone, with not much of a voice, although he did have a gift for pantomime, and a remarkable comic energy. Often, with his large instrument under his arm, he would leave the rest of the group and, still acting, would intrude on the platform, where his antics were rewarded with encouraging laughter. Especially the Russians in their seats down front seemed to be enchanted with so much southern mobility, and their applause incited him to let himself out more and more boldly and assertively.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach sat on the balustrade, cooling his lips now and then with a mixture of pomegranate juice and soda which glowed ruby red in his glass in front of him. His nerves took in the miserable notes, the vulgar crooning melodies; for passion lames the sense of discrimination, and surrenders in all seriousness to appeals which, in sober moments, are either humorously allowed for or rejected with annoyance. At the clown's antics his features bad twisted into a set painful smile. He sat there relaxed, although inwardly he was intensely awake; for six paces from him Tadzio was leaning against the stone hand-rail.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the white belted coat which he often wore at meal times, he was standing in a position of spontaneous and inborn gracefulness, his left forearm on the railing, feet crossed, the right hand on a supporting hip; and he looked down at the street-singers with an expression which was hardly a smile, but only an aloof curiosity, a polite amiability. Often he would stand erect and, expanding his chest, would draw the white smock down under his leather belt with a beautiful gesture. And then too, the aging man observed with a tumult of fright and triumph how he would often turn his head over the left shoulder in the direction of his admirer, carefully and hesitatingly, or even with abruptness as though to attack by surprise. He did not meet Aschenbach's eyes, for a mean precaution compelled the transgressor to keep from staring at him: in the background of the terrace the women who guarded Tadzio were sitting, and things had reached a point where the lover had to fear that he might be noticed and suspected. Yes, he had often observed with a kind of numbness how, when Tadzio was near him, on the beach, in the hotel lobby, in the Piazza San Marco, they called him back, they were set on keeping him at a distance&#8212;and this wounded him frightfully, causing his pride unknown tortures which his conscience would not permit him to evade.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Meanwhile the guitar-player had begun a solo to his own accompaniment, a street-ballad popular throughout Italy. It had several strophes, and the entire company joined each time in the refrain, all singing and playing, while he managed to give a plastic and dramatic twist to the performance. Of slight build, with thin and impoverished features, he stood on the gravel, apart from his companions, in an attitude of insolent bravado, his shabby felt hat on the back of his head so that a bunch of his red hair jutted out from under the brim. And to the thrumming of the strings he flung his jokes up at the terrace in a penetrating recitative; while the veins were swelling on his forehead from the exertion of his performance. He did not seem of Venetian stock, but rather of the race of Neapolitan comedians, half pimp, half entertainer, brutal and audacious, dangerous and amusing. His song was stupid enough so far as the words went; but in his mouth, by his gestures, the movements of his body, his way of blinking significantly and letting the tongue play across his lips, it acquired something ambiguous, something vaguely repulsive. In addition to the customary civilian dress, he was wearing a sport shirt; and his skinny neck protruded above the soft collar, baring a noticeably large and active Adam's-apple. He was pale and snub-nosed. It was hard to fix an age to his beardless features, which seemed furrowed with grimaces and depravity; and the two wrinkles standing arrogantly, harshly, almost savagely between his reddish eyebrows were strangely suited to the smirk on his mobile lips. Yet what really prompted the lonely man to pay him keen attention was the observation that the questionable figure seemed also to provide its own questionable atmosphere. For each time they came to the refrain the singer, amid buffoonery and familiar handshakes, began a grotesque circular march which brought him immediately beneath Aschenbach's place; and each time this happened there blew up to the terrace from his clothes and body a strong carbolic smell.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After the song was ended, he began collecting money. He started with the Russians, who were evidently willing to spend, and then came up the stairs. Up here he showed himself just as humble as he had been bold during the performance. Cringing and bowing, he stole about among the tables, and a smile of obsequious cunning exposed his strong teeth, while the two wrinkles still stood ominously between his red eyebrows. This singular character collecting money to live on&#8212;they eyed him with a curiosity and a kind of repugnance, they tossed coins into his felt hat with the tips of their fingers, and were careful not to touch him. The elimination of the physical distance between the comedian and the audience, no matter how great the enjoyment may have been, always causes a certain uneasiness. He felt it, and tried to excuse it by grovelling. He came up to Aschenbach, and along with him the smell, which no one else seemed concerned about.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Listen!&#034; the recluse said in an undertone, almost mechanically. &#034;They are disinfecting Venice. Why?&#034; The jester answered hoarsely, &#034;On account of the police. That is a precaution, sir, with such heat, and the sirocco. The sirocco is oppressive. It is not good for the health.&#034; He spoke as though astonished that any one could ask such things, and demonstrated with his open hand how oppressive the sirocco was. &#034;Then there is no plague in Venice?&#034; Aschenbach asked quietly, between his teeth. The clown's muscular features fell into a grimace of comical embarrassment. &#034;A plague? What kind of plague? Perhaps our police are a plague? You like to joke! A plague! Of all things! A precautionary measure, you understand! A police regulation against the effects of the oppressive weather.&#034; He gesticulated. &#034;Very well,&#034; Aschenbach said several times curtly and quietly; and he quickly dropped an unduly large coin into the hat. Then with his eyes he signalled the man to leave. He obeyed, smirking and bowing. But he had not reached the stairs before two hotel employees threw themselves upon him, and with their faces close to his began a whispered cross-examination. He shrugged his shoulders; he gave assurances, he swore that he had kept quiet&#8212;that was evident. He was released, and he returned to the garden; then after a short conference with his companions, he stepped out once more for a final song of thanks and leave-taking.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a rousing song which the recluse never recalled having heard before, a &#034;big number&#034; in incomprehensible dialect, with a laugh refrain in which the troupe joined regularly at the tops of their voices. At this point both the words and the accompaniment of the instruments stopped, with nothing left but a laugh which was somehow arranged rhythmically although very naturally done&#8212;and the soloist especially showed great talent in giving it a most deceptive vitality. At the renewal of his professional distance from the audience he had recovered all his boldness again, and the artificial laugh that he directed up towards the terrace was derisive. Even before the end of the articulate portion of the strophe, he seemed to struggle against an irresistible tickling. He gulped, his voice trembled, he pressed his hand over his mouth, he contorted his shoulders; and at the proper moment the ungovernable laugh broke out of him, burst into such real cackles that it was infectious and communicated itself to the audience, so that on the terrace also an unfounded hilarity, living off itself alone, started up. But this seemed to double the singer's exuberance. He bent his knees, he slapped his thighs, he nearly split himself; he no longer laughed, he shrieked. He pointed up with his finger, as though nothing were more comic than the laughing guests there, and finally everyone in the garden and on the verandah was laughing, even to the waiters, bell boys, and house-servants in the doorways.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach was no longer resting in his chair; he sat upright, as if attempting to defend himself, or to escape. But the laughter, the whiffs of the hospital smell, and the boy's nearness combined to put him into a trance that held his mind and his senses hopelessly captive. In the general movement and distraction he ventured to glance across at Tadzio, and as he did so he dared observe that the boy, in reply to his glance, was equally serious, much as though he had modelled his conduct and expression after those of one man, and the prevalent mood had no effect on him since this one man was not part of it. This portentous childish obedience had something so disarming and overpowering about it that the grey-haired man could hardly restrain himself from burying his face in his hands. It had also seemed to him that Tadzio's occasional stretching and quick breathing indicated a complaint, a congestion, of the lungs. &#034;He is sickly, he will probably not grow old,&#034; he thought repeatedly with that positiveness which is often a peculiar relief to desire and passion. And along with pure solitude he had a feeling of rakish gratification.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Meanwhile the Venetians had ended and were leaving. Applause accompanied them, and their leader did not miss the opportunity to cover his retreat with further jests. His bows, the kisses he blew, were laughed at&#8212;and so he doubled them. When his companions were already gone, he acted as though he had hurt himself by backing into a lamp-post, and he crept through the gate seemingly crippled with pain. Then he suddenly threw off the mask of comic hard luck, stood upright, hurried away jauntily, stuck out his tongue insolently at the guests on the terrace, and slipped into the darkness. The company was breaking up; Tadzio had been missing from the balustrade for some time. But, to the displeasure of the waiters, the lonely man sat for a long while over the remains of his pomegranate drink. Night advanced. Time was crumbling. In the house of his parents many years back there had been an hour glass&#8212;of a sudden he saw the fragile and expressive instrument again, as though it were standing in front of him. Fine and noiseless the rust-red sand was running through the glass neck; and since it was getting low in the upper half, a speedy little vortex had been formed there.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As early as the following day, in the afternoon, he had made new progress in his obstinate baiting of the people he met&#8212;and this time he had all possible success. He walked from the Piazza of St. Mark's into the English travelling bureau located there; and after changing some money at the cash desk, he put on the expression of a distrustful foreigner and launched his fatal question at the attendant clerk. He was a Britisher; he wore a woollen suit, and was still young, with close-set eyes, and had that characteristic stolid reliability which is so peculiarly and strikingly appealing in the tricky, nimble-witted South. He began, &#034;No reason for alarm, sir. A regulation without any serious significance. Such measures are often taken to anticipate the unhealthy effects of the heat and the sirocco . . .&#034; But as he raised his blue eyes, he met the stare of the foreigner, a tired and somewhat unhappy stare focussed on his lips with a touch of scorn. Then the Englishman blushed. &#034;At least,&#034; he continued in an emotional undertone, &#034;that is the official explanation which people here are content to accept. I will admit that there is something more behind it.&#034; And then in his frank and leisurely manner he told the truth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For several years now Indian cholera had shown a heightened tendency to spread and migrate. Hatched in the warm swamps of the Ganges delta, rising with the noxious breath of that luxuriant, unfit primitive world and island wilderness which is shunned by humans and where the tiger crouches in the bamboo thickets, the plague had raged continuously and with unusual strength in Hindustan, had reached eastwards to China, westwards to Afghanistan and Persia, and following the chief caravan routes, had carried its terrors to Astrachan, and even to Moscow. But while Europe was trembling lest the spectre continue its advance from there across the country, it had been transported over the sea by Syrian merchantmen, and had turned up almost simultaneously in several Mediterranean ports, had raised its head in Toulon and Malaga, had showed its mask several times in Palermo and Naples, and seemed permanently entrenched through Calabria and Apulia. The north of the peninsula had been spared. Yet in the middle of this May in Venice the frightful vibrions were found on one and the same day in the blackish wasted bodies of a cabin boy and a woman who sold greengroceries. The cases were kept secret. But within a week there were ten, twenty, thirty more, and in various sections. A man from the Austrian provinces who had made a pleasure trip to Venice for a few days, returned to his home town and died with unmistakable symptoms&#8212;and that is how the first reports of the pestilence in the lagoon city got into the German newspapers. The Venetian authorities answered that the city's health conditions had never been better, and took the most necessary preventive measures. But probably the food supply had been infected. Denied and glossed over, death was eating its way along the narrow streets, and its dissemination was especially favoured by the premature summer heat which made the water of the canals lukewarm. Yes, it seemed as though the plague had got renewed strength, as though the tenacity and fruitfulness of its stimuli had doubled. Cases of recovery were rare. Out of a hundred attacks, eighty were fatal, and in the most horrible manner. For the plague moved with utter savagery, and often showed that most dangerous form, which is called &#034;the drying.&#034; Water from the blood vessels collected in pockets, and the blood was unable to carry this off. Within a few hours the victim was parched, his blood became as thick as glue, and he stifled amid cramps and hoarse groans. Lucky for him if, as sometimes happened, the attack took the form of a light discomfiture followed by a profound coma from which he seldom or never awakened. At the beginning of June the pesthouse of the Ospedale Civico had quietly filled; there was not much room left in the two orphan asylums, and a frightfully active commerce was kept up between the wharf of the Fondamenta Nuove and San Michele, the burial island. But there was the fear of a general drop in prosperity. The recently opened art exhibit in the public gardens was to be considered, along with the heavy losses which in case of panic or unfavourable rumours, would threaten business, the hotels, the entire elaborate system for exploiting foreigners&#8212;and as these considerations evidently carried more weight than love of truth or respect for international agreements, the city authorities upheld obstinately their policy of silence and denial. The chief health officer had resigned from his post in indignation, and been promptly replaced by a more tractable personality. The people knew this; and the corruption of their superiors, together with the predominating insecurity, the exceptional condition into which the prevalence of death had plunged the city, induced a certain demoralization of the lower classes, encouraging shady and anti-social impulses which manifested themselves in licence, profligacy, and a rising crime wave. Contrary to custom, many drunkards were seen in the evenings; it was said that at night nasty mobs made the streets unsafe. Burglaries and even murders became frequent, for it had already been proved on two occasions that persons who had presumably fallen victim to the plague had in reality been dispatched with poison by their own relatives. And professional debauchery assumed abnormal and obtrusive proportions such as had never been known here before, and to an extent which is usually found only in the southern parts of the country and in the Orient.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Englishman pronounced the final verdict on these facts. &#034;You would do well,&#034; he concluded, &#034;to leave to-day rather than to-morrow. It cannot be much more than a couple of days before a quarantine zone is declared.&#034; &#034;Thank you,&#034; Aschenbach said, and left the office.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The square lay sunless and stifling. Unsuspecting foreigners sat in front of the caf&#233;s, or stood among the pigeons in front of the church and watched the swarms of birds flapping their wings, crowding one another, and pecking at grains of corn offered them in open palms. The recluse was feverishly excited, triumphant in his possession of the truth. But it had left him with a bad taste in his mouth, and a weird horror in his heart. As he walked up and down the flagstones of the gorgeous court he was weighing an action which would meet the situation and would absolve him. This evening after dinner he could approach the woman with the pearls and make her a speech; he had figured it out word for word: &#034;Permit a foreigner, madam, to give you some useful advice, a warning, which is being withheld from you through self-interest. Leave immediately with Tadzio and your daughters! Venice is full of the plague.&#034; Then he could lay a farewell hand on the head of this tool of a mocking divinity, turn away, and flee this morass. But he felt at the same time that he was very far from seriously desiring such a move. He would retract it, would disengage himself from it. . . . But when we are distracted we loathe most the thought of retracing our steps. He recalled a white building, ornamented with inscriptions which glistened in the evening and in whose transparent mysticism his mind's eye had lost itself&#8212;and then that strange wanderer's form which had awakened in the aging man the roving hankerings of youth after the foreign and the remote. And the thought of return, the thought of prudence and soberness, effort, mastery, disgusted him to such an extent that his face was distorted with an expression of physical nausea. &#034;It must be kept silent!&#034; he whispered heavily. And: &#034;I will keep silent!&#034; The consciousness of his share in the facts and the guilt intoxicated him, much as a little wine intoxicates a tired brain. The picture of the diseased and neglected city hovering desolately before him aroused vague hopes beyond the bounds of reason, but with an egregious sweetness. What was the scant happiness he had dreamed of a moment ago, compared with these expectations? What were art and virtue worth to him, over against the advantages of chaos? He kept silent, and remained in Venice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This same night he had a frightful dream, if one can designate as a dream a bodily and mental experience which occurred to him in the deepest sleep, completely independent of him, and with a physical realness, although he never saw himself present or moving about among the incidents; but their stage rather was his soul itself, and they broke in from without, trampling down his resistance&#8212;a profound and spiritual resistance&#8212;by sheer force; and when they had passed through, they left his substance, the culture of his lifetime, crushed and annihilated behind them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It began with anguish, anguish and desire, and a frightened curiosity as to what was coming. It was night, and his senses were on the watch. From far off a grumble, an uproar, was approaching, a jumble of noises. Clanking, blaring, and dull thunder, with shrill shouts and a definite whine in a long drawn out u-sound&#8212;all this was sweetly, ominously interspersed and dominated by the deep cooing of wickedly persistent flutes which charmed the bowels in a shamelessly penetrative manner. But he knew one word; it was veiled, and yet would name what was approaching: &#034;The foreign god!&#034; Vaporous fire began to glow; then he recognized mountains like those about his summer house. And in the scattered light, from high up in the woods, among tree trunks and crumbling moss-grown rocks&#8212;people, beasts, a throng, a raging mob plunged twisting and whirling downwards, and made the hill swarm with bodies, flames, tumult, and a riotous round dance. Women, tripped by over-long fur draperies which hung from their waists, were holding up tambourines and beating on them, their groaning heads flung back. Others swung sparking firebrands and bare daggers, or wore hissing snakes about the middle of their bodies, or shrieking held their breasts in their two hands. Men with horns on their foreheads, shaggy-haired, girded with hides, bent back their necks and raised their arms and thighs, clashed brass cymbals and beat furiously at kettledrums, while smooth boys prodded he-goats with wreathed sticks, climbing on their horns and falling off with shouts when they bounded. And the bacchantes wailed the word with the soft consonants and the drawn out u-sound, at once sweet and savage, like nothing ever heard before. In one place it rang out as though piped into the air by stags, and it was echoed in another by many voices, in wild triumph&#8212;with it they incited one another to dance and to fling out their arms and legs, and it was never silent. But everything was pierced and dominated by the deep coaxing flute. He who was fighting against this experience&#8212;did it not coax him too with its shameless penetration, into the feast and the excesses of the extreme sacrifice? His repugnance, his fear, were keen&#8212;he was honourably set on defending himself to the very last against the barbarian, the foe to intellectual poise and dignity. But the noise, the howling, multiplied by the resonant walls of the hills, grew, took the upper hand, swelled to a fury of rapture. Odours oppressed the senses, the pungent smell of the bucks, the scent of moist bodies, and a waft of stagnant water, with another smell, something familiar, the smell of wounds and prevalent disease. At the beating of the drum his heart fluttered, his head was spinning, he was caught in a frenzy, in a blinding deafening lewdness&#8212;and he yearned to join the ranks of the god. The obscene symbol, huge, wooden, was uncovered and raised up; then they howled the magic word with more abandon. Foaming at the mouth, they raged, teased one another with ruttish gestures and caressing hands; laughing and groaning, they stuck the goads into one another's flesh and licked the blood from their limbs. But the dreamer now was with them, in them, and he belonged to the foreign god. Yes, they were he himself, as they hurled themselves biting and tearing upon the animals, got entangled in steaming rags, and fell in promiscuous unions on the torn moss, in sacrifice to their god. And his soul tasted the unchastity and fury of decay.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When he awakened from the affliction of this dream he was unnerved, shattered, and hopelessly under the power of the demon. He no longer avoided the inquisitive glances of other people; he did not care if he was exciting their suspicions. And as a matter of fact they were fleeing, travelling elsewhere. Numerous bathing houses stood empty, the occupants of the dining-hall became more and more scattered, and in the city now one rarely saw a foreigner. The truth seemed to have leaked out; the panic, despite the reticence of those whose interests were involved, seemed no longer avoidable. But the woman with the pearls remained with her family, either because the rumours had not yet reached her, or because she was too proud and fearless to heed them. Tadzio remained. And to Aschenbach, in his infatuation, it seemed at times as though flight and death might remove all the disturbing elements of life around them, and he stay here alone with the boy. Yes, by the sea in the forenoon when his eyes rested heavily, irresponsibly, unwaveringly on the thing he coveted, or when, as the day was ending, he followed shamelessly after him through streets where the hideous death lurked in secret&#8212;at such times the atrocious seemed to him rich in possibilities, and laws of morality had dropped away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Like any lover, he wanted to please; and he felt a bitter anguish lest it might not be possible. He added bright youthful details to his dress, he put on jewels, and used perfumes. During the day he often spent much time over his toilet, and came to the table strikingly dressed, excited, and in suspense. In the light of the sweet youthfulness which had done this to him, he detested his aging body. The sight of his grey hair, his sharp features, plunged him into shame and hopelessness. It induced him to attempt rejuvenating his body and appearance. He often visited the hotel barber.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Beneath the barber's apron, leaning back in the chair under the gossiper's expert hands, he winced to observe his reflection in the mirror.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Grey,&#034; he said, making a wry face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;A little,&#034; the man answered. &#034;Due entirely to a slight neglect, an indifference to outward things, which is conceivable in people of importance, but it is not exactly praiseworthy. And all the less so since such persons are above prejudice in matters of nature or art. If the moral objections of certain people to the art of cosmetics were to be logically extended to the care of the teeth, they would give no slight offence. And after all, we are just as old as we feel, and under some circumstances grey hair would actually stand for more of an untruth than the despised correction. In your case, sir, you are entitled to the natural colour of your hair. Will you permit me simply to return what belongs to you?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;How is that?&#034; Aschenbach asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then the orator washed his client's hair with two kinds of water, one clear and one dark, and it was as black as in youth. Following this, he curled it with irons into soft waves, stepped back, and eyed his work.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;All that is left now,&#034; he said, &#034;would be to freshen up the skin a little.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And like someone who cannot finish, cannot satisfy himself, he passed with quickening energy from one manipulation to another. Aschenbach rested comfortably, incapable of resistance, or rather his hopes aroused by what was taking place. In the glass he saw his brows arch more evenly and decisively. His eyes became longer; their brilliance was heightened by a light touching-up of the lids. A little lower, where the skin had been a leatherish brown, he saw a delicate crimson tint grow beneath a deft application of colour. His lips, bloodless a little while past, became full, and as red as raspberries. The furrows in the cheeks and about the mouth, the wrinkles of the eyes, disappeared beneath lotions and cream. With a knocking heart he beheld a blossoming youth. Finally the beauty specialist declared himself content, after the manner of such people, by obsequiously thanking the man he had been serving. &#034;A trifling assistance,&#034; he said, as he applied one parting touch. &#034;Now the gentleman can fall in love unhesitatingly.&#034; He walked away, fascinated; he was happy as in a dream, timid and bewildered. His necktie was red, his broad-brimmed straw hat was trimmed with a variegated band.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A tepid storm wind had risen. It was raining sparsely and at intervals, but the air was damp, thick, and filled with the smell of things rotting. All around him he heard a fluttering, pattering, and swishing; and under the fever of his cosmetics it seemed to him as though evil wind-spirits were haunting the place, impure sea birds which rooted and gnawed at the food of the condemned and befouled it with their droppings. For the sultriness destroyed his appetite, and the fancy suggested itself that the foods were poisoned with contaminating substances. Tracking the boy one afternoon, Aschenbach had plunged deep into the tangled centre of the diseased city. He was becoming uncertain of where he was, since the alleys, waterways, bridges, and little squares of the labyrinth were all so much alike, and he was no longer even sure of directions. He was absorbed with the problem of keeping the pursued figure in sight. And, driven to disgraceful subterfuges, flattening himself against walls, hiding behind the backs of other people, for a long time he did not notice the weariness, the exhaustion, with which emotion and the continual suspense had taxed his mind and his body. Tadzio walked behind his companions. He always allowed the governess and the nunlike sisters to precede him in the narrow places; and loitering behind alone, he would turn his head occasionally to look over his shoulder and make sure by a glance of his peculiarly dark-grey eyes that his admirer was following. He saw him, and did not betray him. Drunk with the knowledge of this, lured forward by those eyes, led meekly by his passion, the lover stole after his unseemly hope&#8212;but finally he was cheated and lost sight of him. The Poles had crossed a short arching bridge; the height of the curve hid them from the pursuer, and when he himself had arrived there he no longer saw them. He hunted for them vainly in three directions, straight ahead and to either side along the narrow dirty wharf. In the end he was so tired and unnerved that he had to give up the search.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His head was on fire, his body was covered with a sticky sweat, his knees trembled. He could no longer endure the thirst that was torturing him, and he looked around for some immediate relief. From a little vegetable store he bought some fruit&#8212;strawberries, soft and overly ripe&#8212;and he ate them as he walked. A very charming, forsaken little square opened up before him. He recognized it; here he had made his frustrated plans for flight weeks ago. He let himself sink down on the steps of the cistern in the middle of the square, and laid his head against the stone cylinder. It was quiet; grass was growing up through the pavement; refuse was scattered about. Among the weather-beaten, unusually tall houses surrounding him there was one like a palace, with little lion-covered balconies, and Gothic windows with blank emptiness behind them. On the ground floor of another house was a drug store. Warm gusts of wind occasionally carried the smell of carbolic acid.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sat there, he, the master, the artist of dignity, the author of The Wretch, a work which had, in such accurate symbols, renounced vagabondage and the depths of misery, had denied all sympathy with the engulfed, and had cast out the outcast; the man who had arrived and, victor over his own knowledge, had outgrown all irony and acclimatized himself to the obligations of public confidence; whose reputation was official, whose name had been knighted, and on whose style boys were urged to pattern themselves&#8212;he sat there. His eyelids were shut; only now and then a mocking uneasy side-glance slipped out from beneath them. And his loose lips, set off by the cosmetics, formed isolated words of the strange dream-logic created by his half-slumbering brain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;For beauty, Phaedrus, mark me, beauty alone is both divine and visible at once; and thus it is the road of the sensuous; it is, little Phaedrus, the road of the artist to the spiritual. But do you now believe, my dear, that they can ever attain wisdom and true human dignity for whom the road to the spiritual leads through the senses? Or do you believe rather (I leave the choice to you) that this is a pleasant but perilous road, a really wrong and sinful road, which necessarily leads astray? For you must know that we poets cannot take the road of beauty without having Eros join us and set himself up as our leader. Indeed, we may even be heroes after our fashion, and hardened warriors, though we be like women, for passion is our exaltation, and our desire must remain love&#8212;that is our pleasure and our disgrace. You now see, do you not, that we poets cannot be wise and dignified? That we necessarily go astray, necessarily remain lascivious, and adventurers in emotion? The mastery of our style is all lies and foolishness, our renown and honour are a farce, the confidence of the masses in us is highly ridiculous, and the training of the public and of youth through art is a precarious undertaking which should be forbidden. For how indeed could he be a fit instructor who is born with a natural leaning towards the precipice? We might well disavow it and reach after dignity, but wherever we turn it attracts us. Let us, say, renounce the dissolvent of knowledge, since knowledge, Phaedrus, has no dignity or strength. It is aware, it understands and pardons, but without reserve and form. It feels sympathy with the precipice, it is the precipice. This then we abandon with firmness, and from now on our efforts matter only by their yield of beauty, or in other words, simplicity, greatness, and new rigour, form, and a second type of openness. But form and openness, Phaedrus, lead to intoxication and to desire, lead the noble perhaps into sinister revels of emotion which his own beautiful rigour rejects as infamous, lead to the precipice, yes they too lead to the precipice. They lead us poets there, I say, since we cannot force ourselves, since we can merely let ourselves out And now I am going, Phaedrus. You stay here; and when you no longer see me, then you go too.&#034;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;A few days later, as Gustav von Aschenbach was not feeling well, he left the beach hotel at a later hour in the morning than usual. He had to fight against certain attacks of vertigo which were only partially physical and were accompanied by a pronounced malaise, a feeling of bafflement and hopelessness&#8212;while he was not certain whether this had to do with conditions outside him or with his own nature. In the lobby he noticed a large pile of luggage ready for shipment; he asked the door-keeper who it was that was leaving, and heard in answer the Polish title which he had learned secretly. He accepted this without any alteration of his sunken features, with that curt elevation of the head by which one acknowledges something he does not need to know. Then he asked, &#034;When?&#034; The answer was, &#034;After lunch.&#034; He nodded, and went to the beach.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was not very inviting. Rippling patches of rain retreated across the wide flat water separating the beach from the first long sand-bank. An air of autumn, of things past their prime, seemed to lie over the pleasure spot which had once been so alive with colour and was now almost abandoned. The sand was no longer kept clean. A camera, seemingly without an owner, stood on its tripod by the edge of the sea; and a black cloth thrown over it was flapping noisily in the wind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tadzio, with the three or four companions still left, was moving about to the right in front of his family's cabin. And midway between the sea and the row of bathing houses, lying back in his chair with a robe over his knees, Aschenbach looked at him once more. The game, which was not being supervised since the women were probably occupied with preparations for the journey, seemed to have no rules, and it was degenerating. The stocky boy with the sleek black hair who was called Jaschu had been angered and blinded by sand flung in his face. He forced Tadzio into a wrestling match which quickly ended in the fall of the beauty, who was weaker. But as though in the hour of parting the servile feelings of the inferior had turned to merciless brutality and were trying to get vengeance for a long period of slavery, the victor did not let go of the boy underneath, but knelt on his back and pressed his face so persistently into the sand that Tadzio, already breathless from the struggle, was in danger of strangling. His attempts to shake off the weight were fitful; for moments they stopped entirely and were resumed again as mere twitchings. Enraged, Aschenbach was about to spring to the rescue, when the torturer finally released his victim. Tadzio, very pale, raised himself halfway and sat motionless for several minutes, resting on one arm, with rumpled hair and glowering eyes. Then he stood up completely, and moved slowly away. They called him, cheerfully at first, then anxiously and imploringly; he did not listen. The swarthy boy, who seemed to regret his excesses immediately afterwards, caught up with him and tried to placate him. A movement of the shoulder put him at his distance. Tadzio went down obliquely to the water. He was barefoot, and wore his striped linen suit with the red bow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He lingered on the edge of the water with his head down, drawing figures in the wet sand with one toe; then he went into the shallows, which did not cover his knees in the deepest place, crossed them leisurely, and arrived at the sand-bank. He stood there a moment, his face turned to the open sea; soon after, he began stepping slowly to the left along the narrow stretch of exposed ground. Separated from the mainland by the expanse of water, separated from his companions by a proud moodiness, he moved along, a strongly isolated and unrelated figure with fluttering hair&#8212;placed out there in the sea, the wind, against the vague mists. He stopped once more to look around. And suddenly, as though at some recollection, some impulse, with one hand on his hip he turned the upper part of his body in a beautiful twist which began from the base&#8212;and he looked over his shoulder towards the shore. The watcher sat there, as he had sat once before when for the first time these twilight-grey eyes had turned at the doorway and met his own. His head, against the back of the chair, had slowly followed the movements of the boy walking yonder. Now, simultaneously with this glance it rose and sank on his breast, so that his eyes looked out from underneath, while his face took on the loose, inwardly relaxed expression of deep sleep. But it seemed to him as though the pale and lovely lure out there were smiling to him, nodding to him; as though, removing his hand from his hip, he were signalling to come out, were vaguely guiding towards egregious promises. And, as often before, he stood up to follow him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Some minutes passed before any one hurried to the aid of the man who had collapsed into one corner of his chair. He was brought to his room. And on the same day a respectfully shocked world received the news of his death.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;THE END&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;/div&gt;&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;DER TOD IN VENEDIG&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Erstes Kapitel&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Gustav Aschenbach oder von Aschenbach, wie seit seinem f&#252;nfzigsten Geburtstag amtlich sein Name lautete, hatte an einem Fr&#252;hlingsnachmittag des Jahres 19.., das unserem Kontinent monatelang eine so gefahrdrohende Miene zeigte, von seiner Wohnung in der Prinz-Regentenstra&#223;e zu M&#252;nchen aus, allein einen weiteren Spaziergang unternommen. &#220;berreizt von der schwierigen und gef&#228;hrlichen, eben jetzt eine h&#246;chste Behutsamkeit, Umsicht, Eindringlichkeit und Genauigkeit des Willens erfordernden Arbeit der Vormittagsstunden, hatte der Schriftsteller dem Fortschwingen des produzierenden Triebwerks in seinem Innern, jenem &#187;motus animi continuus&#171;, worin nach Cicero das Wesen der Beredsamkeit besteht, auch nach der Mittagsmahlzeit nicht Einhalt zu tun vermocht und den entlastenden Schlummer nicht gefunden, der ihm, bei zunehmender Abnutzbarkeit seiner Kr&#228;fte, einmal untertags so n&#246;tig war. So hatte er bald nach dem Tee das Freie gesucht, in der Hoffnung, da&#223; Luft und Bewegung ihn wieder herstellen und ihm zu einem ersprie&#223;lichen Abend verhelfen w&#252;rden.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Es war Anfang Mai und, nach na&#223;kalten Wochen, ein falscher Hochsommer eingefallen. Der Englische Garten, obgleich nur erst zart belaubt, war dumpfig wie im August und in der N&#228;he der Stadt voller Wagen und Spazierg&#228;nger gewesen. Beim Aumeister, wohin stillere und stillere Wege ihn gef&#252;hrt, hatte Aschenbach eine kleine Weile den volkst&#252;mlich belebten Wirtsgarten &#252;berblickt, an dessen Rande einige Droschken und Equipagen hielten, hatte von dort bei sinkender Sonne seinen Heimweg au&#223;erhalb des Parks &#252;ber die offene Flur genommen und erwartete, da er sich m&#252;de f&#252;hlte und &#252;ber F&#246;hring Gewitter drohte, am N&#246;rdlichen Friedhof die Tram, die ihn in gerader Linie zur Stadt zur&#252;ckbringen sollte. Zuf&#228;llig fand er den Halteplatz und seine Umgebung von Menschen leer. Weder auf der gepflasterten Ungererstra&#223;e, deren Schienengeleise sich einsam glei&#223;end gegen Schwabing erstreckten, noch auf der F&#246;hringer Chaussee war ein Fuhrwerk zu sehen; hinter den Z&#228;unen der Steinmetzereien, wo zu Kauf stehende Kreuze, Ged&#228;chtnistafeln und Monumente ein zweites, unbehaustes Gr&#228;berfeld bilden, regte sich nichts, und das byzantinische Bauwerk der Aussegnungshalle gegen&#252;ber lag schweigend im Abglanz des scheidenden Tages. Ihre Stirnseite, mit griechischen Kreuzen und hieratischen Schildereien in lichten Farben geschm&#252;ckt, weist &#252;berdies symmetrisch angeordnete Inschriften in Goldlettern auf, ausgew&#228;hlte, das jenseitige Leben betreffende Schriftworte wie etwa: &#187;Sie gehen ein in die Wohnung Gottes&#171; oder: &#187;Das ewige Licht leuchte ihnen&#171;; und der Wartende hatte w&#228;hrend einiger Minuten eine ernste Zerstreuung darin gefunden, die Formeln abzulesen und sein geistiges Auge in ihrer durchscheinenden Mystik sich verlieren zu lassen, als er, aus seinen Tr&#228;umereien zur&#252;ckkehrend, im Portikus, oberhalb der beiden apokalyptischen Tiere, welche die Freitreppe bewachen, einen Mann bemerkte, dessen nicht ganz gew&#246;hnliche Erscheinung seinen Gedanken eine v&#246;llig andere Richtung gab.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ob er nun aus dem Innern der Halle durch das bronzene Tor hervorgetreten oder von au&#223;en unversehens heran und hinauf gelangt war, blieb ungewi&#223;. Aschenbach, ohne sich sonderlich in die Frage zu vertiefen, neigte zur ersteren Annahme. M&#228;&#223;ig hochgewachsen, mager, bartlos und auffallend stumpfn&#228;sig, geh&#246;rte der Mann zum rothaarigen Typ und besa&#223; dessen milchige und sommersprossige Haut. Offenbar war er durchaus nicht bajuwarischen Schlages: wie denn wenigstens der breit und gerade gerandete Basthut, der ihm den Kopf bedeckte, seinem Aussehen ein Gepr&#228;ge des Fremdl&#228;ndischen und Weitherkommenden verlieh. Freilich trug er dazu den landes&#252;blichen Rucksack um die Schultern geschnallt, einen gelblichen Gurtanzug aus Lodenstoff, wie es schien, einen grauen Wetterkragen &#252;ber dem linken Unterarm, den er in die Weiche gest&#252;tzt hielt, und in der Rechten einen mit eiserner Spitze versehenen Stock, welchen er schr&#228;g gegen den Boden stemmte und auf dessen Kr&#252;cke er, bei gekreuzten F&#252;&#223;en, die H&#252;fte lehnte. Erhobenen Hauptes, so da&#223; an seinem hager dem losen Sporthemd entwachsenden Halse der Adamsapfel stark und nackt hervortrat, blickte er mit farblosen, rot bewimperten Augen, zwischen denen, sonderbar genug zu seiner kurz aufgeworfenen Nase passend, zwei senkrechte, energische Furchen standen, scharf sp&#228;hend ins Weite. So&#8212;und vielleicht trug sein erh&#246;hter und erh&#246;hender Standort zu diesem Eindruck bei&#8212;hatte seine Haltung etwas herrisch &#220;berschauendes, K&#252;hnes oder selbst Wildes; denn sei es, da&#223; er, geblendet, gegen die untergehende Sonne grimassierte oder da&#223; es sich um eine dauernde physiognomische Entstellung handelte: seine Lippen schienen zu kurz, sie waren v&#246;llig von den Z&#228;hnen zur&#252;ckgezogen, dergestalt, da&#223; diese, bis zum Zahnfleisch blo&#223;gelegt, wei&#223; und lang dazwischen hervorbleckten.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Wohl m&#246;glich, da&#223; Aschenbach es bei seiner halb zerstreuten, halb inquisitiven Musterung des Fremden an R&#252;cksicht hatte fehlen lassen; denn pl&#246;tzlich ward er gewahr, da&#223; jener seinen Blick erwiderte und zwar so kriegerisch, so gerade ins Auge hinein, so offenkundig gesonnen, die Sache aufs &#196;u&#223;erste zu treiben und den Blick des andern zum Abzug zu zwingen, da&#223; Aschenbach, peinlich ber&#252;hrt, sich abwandte und einen Gang die Z&#228;une entlang begann, mit dem beil&#228;ufigen Entschlu&#223;, des Menschen nicht weiter achtzuhaben. Er hatte ihn in der n&#228;chsten Minute vergessen. Mochte nun aber das Wandererhafte in der Erscheinung des Fremden auf seine Einbildungskraft gewirkt haben oder sonst irgendein physischer oder seelischer Einflu&#223; im Spiele sein: eine seltsame Ausweitung seines Innern ward ihm ganz &#252;berraschend bewu&#223;t, eine Art schweifender Unruhe, ein jugendlich durstiges Verlangen in die Ferne, ein Gef&#252;hl, so lebhaft, so neu oder doch so l&#228;ngst entw&#246;hnt und verlernt, da&#223; er, die H&#228;nde auf dem R&#252;cken und den Blick am Boden, gefesselt stehen blieb, um die Empfindung auf Wesen und Ziel zu pr&#252;fen. Es war Reiselust, nichts weiter; aber wahrhaft als Anfall auftretend und ins Leidenschaftliche, ja bis zur Sinnest&#228;uschung gesteigert. Er sah n&#228;mlich, als Beispiel gleichsam f&#252;r alle Wunder und Schrecken der mannigfaltigen Erde, die seine Begierde sich auf einmal vorzustellen trachtete,&#8212;sah wie mit leiblichem Auge eine ungeheuere Landschaft, ein tropisches Sumpfgebiet unter dickdunstigem Himmel, feucht, &#252;ppig und ungesund, eine von Menschen gemiedene Urweltwildnis aus Inseln, Mor&#228;sten und Schlamm f&#252;hrenden Wasserarmen. Die flachen Eilande, deren Boden mit Bl&#228;ttern, so dick wie H&#228;nde, mit riesigen Farnen, mit fettem, gequollenem und abenteuerlich bl&#252;hendem Pflanzenwerk &#252;berwuchert war, sandten haarige Palmensch&#228;fte empor, und wunderlich ungestalte B&#228;ume, deren Wurzeln dem Stamm entwuchsen und sich durch die Luft in den Boden, ins Wasser senkten, bildeten verworrene Waldungen. Auf der stockenden, gr&#252;nschattig spiegelnden Flut schwammen, wie Sch&#252;sseln gro&#223;, milchwei&#223;e Blumen; V&#246;gel von fremder Art, hochschultrig, mit unf&#246;rmigen Schn&#228;beln, standen auf hohen Beinen im Seichten und blickten unbeweglich zur Seite, w&#228;hrend durch ausgedehnte Schilffelder ein klapperndes Wetzen und Rauschen ging, wie durch Heere von Geharnischten; dem Schauenden war es, als hauchte der laue, mephitische Odem dieser geilen und untauglichen &#214;de ihn an, die in einem ungeheuerlichen Zustande von Werden oder Vergehen zu schweben schien, zwischen den knotigen Rohrst&#228;mmen eines Bambusdickichts glaubte er einen Augenblick die phosphoreszierenden Lichter des Tigers funkeln zu sehen&#8212;und f&#252;hlte sein Herz pochen vor Entsetzen und r&#228;tselhaftem Verlangen. Dann wich das Gesicht; und mit einem Kopfsch&#252;tteln nahm Aschenbach seine Promenade an den Z&#228;unen der Grabsteinmetzereien wieder auf.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er hatte, zum mindesten seit ihm die Mittel zu Gebote gewesen w&#228;ren, die Vorteile des Weltverkehrs beliebig zu genie&#223;en, das Reisen nicht anders denn als eine hygienische Ma&#223;regel betrachtet, die gegen Sinn und Neigung dann und wann hatte getroffen werden m&#252;ssen. Zu besch&#228;ftigt mit den Aufgaben, welche sein Ich und die europ&#228;ische Seele ihm stellten, zu belastet von der Verpflichtung zur Produktion, der Zerstreuung zu abgeneigt, um zum Liebhaber der bunten Au&#223;enwelt zu taugen, hatte er sich durchaus mit der Anschauung begn&#252;gt, die heute jedermann, ohne sich weit aus seinem Kreise zu r&#252;hren, von der Oberfl&#228;che der Erde gewinnen kann, und war niemals auch nur versucht gewesen, Europa zu verlassen. Zumal seit sein Leben sich langsam neigte, seit seine K&#252;nstlerfurcht, nicht fertig zu werden,&#8212;diese Besorgnis, die Uhr m&#246;chte abgelaufen sein, bevor er das Seine getan und v&#246;llig sich selbst gegeben, nicht mehr als blo&#223;e Grille von der Hand zu weisen war, hatte sein &#228;u&#223;eres Dasein sich fast ausschlie&#223;lich auf die sch&#246;ne Stadt, die ihm zur Heimat geworden, und auf den rauhen Landsitz beschr&#228;nkt, den er sich im Gebirge errichtet und wo er die regnerischen Sommer verbrachte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Auch wurde denn, was ihn da eben so sp&#228;t und pl&#246;tzlich angewandelt, sehr bald durch Vernunft und von jung auf ge&#252;bte Selbstzucht gem&#228;&#223;igt und richtig gestellt. Er hatte beabsichtigt, das Werk, f&#252;r welches er lebte, bis zu einem gewissen Punkte zu f&#246;rdern, bevor er aufs Land &#252;bersiedelte, und der Gedanke einer Weltbummelei, die ihn auf Monate seiner Arbeit entf&#252;hren w&#252;rde, schien allzu locker und planwidrig, er durfte nicht ernstlich in Frage kommen. Und doch wu&#223;te er nur zu wohl, aus welchem Grunde die Anfechtung so unversehens hervorgegangen war. Fluchtdrang war sie, da&#223; er es sich eingestand, diese Sehnsucht ins Ferne und Neue, diese Begierde nach Befreiung, Entb&#252;rdung und Vergessen,&#8212;der Drang hinweg vom Werke, von der Alltagsst&#228;tte eines starren, kalten und leidenschaftlichen Dienstes. Zwar liebte er ihn und liebte auch fast schon den entnervenden, sich t&#228;glich erneuernden Kampf zwischen seinem z&#228;hen und stolzen, so oft erprobten Willen und dieser wachsenden M&#252;digkeit, von der niemand wissen und die das Produkt auf keine Weise, durch kein Anzeichen des Versagens und der La&#223;heit verraten durfte. Aber verst&#228;ndig schien es, den Bogen nicht zu &#252;berspannen und ein so lebhaft ausbrechendes Bed&#252;rfnis nicht eigensinnig zu ersticken. Er dachte an seine Arbeit, dachte an die Stelle, an der er sie auch heute wieder, wie gestern schon, hatte verlassen m&#252;ssen und die weder geduldiger Pflege noch einem raschen Handstreich sich f&#252;gen zu wollen schien. Er pr&#252;fte sie aufs neue, versuchte die Hemmung zu durchbrechen oder aufzul&#246;sen und lie&#223; mit einem Schauder des Widerwillens vom Angriff ab. Hier bot sich keine au&#223;erordentliche Schwierigkeit, sondern was ihn l&#228;hmte, waren die Skrupeln der Unlust, die sich als eine durch nichts mehr zu befriedigende Ungen&#252;gsamkeit darstellte. Ungen&#252;gsamkeit freilich hatte schon dem J&#252;ngling als Wesen und innerste Natur des Talentes gegolten, und um ihretwillen hatte er das Gef&#252;hl gez&#252;gelt und erk&#228;ltet, weil er wu&#223;te, da&#223; es geneigt ist, sich mit einem fr&#246;hlichen Ungef&#228;hr und mit einer halben Vollkommenheit zu begn&#252;gen. R&#228;chte sich nun also die geknechtete Empfindung, indem sie ihn verlie&#223;, indem sie seine Kunst f&#252;rder zu tragen und zu befl&#252;geln sich weigerte und alle Lust, alles Entz&#252;cken an der Form und am Ausdruck mit sich hinwegnahm? Nicht, da&#223; er Schlechtes herstellte: Dies wenigstens war der Vorteil seiner Jahre, da&#223; er sich seiner Meisterschaft jeden Augenblick in Gelassenheit sicher f&#252;hlte. Aber er selbst, w&#228;hrend die Nation sie ehrte, er ward ihrer nicht froh, und es schien ihm, als ermangle sein Werk jener Merkmale feurig spielender Laune, die, ein Erzeugnis der Freude, mehr als irgend ein innerer Gehalt, ein gewichtigerer Vorzug, die Freude der genie&#223;enden Welt bildeten. Er f&#252;rchtete sich vor dem Sommer auf dem Lande, allein in dem kleinen Hause mit der Magd, die ihm das Essen bereitete, und dem Diener, der es ihm auftrug; f&#252;rchtete sich vor den vertrauten Angesichten der Berggipfel und-w&#228;nde, die wiederum seine unzufriedene Langsamkeit umstehen w&#252;rden. Und so tat denn eine Einschaltung not, etwas Stegreifdasein, Tagdieberei, Fernluft und Zufuhr neuen Blutes, damit der Sommer ertr&#228;glich und ergiebig werde. Reisen also,&#8212;er war es zufrieden. Nicht gar weit, nicht gerade bis zu den Tigern. Eine Nacht im Schlafwagen und eine Siesta von drei, vier Wochen an irgend einem Allerweltsferienplatze im liebensw&#252;rdigen S&#252;den&#8230;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So dachte er, w&#228;hrend der L&#228;rm der elektrischen Tram die Ungererstra&#223;e daher sich n&#228;herte, und einsteigend beschlo&#223; er, diesen Abend dem Studium von Karte und Kursbuch zu widmen. Auf der Plattform fiel ihm ein, nach dem Manne im Basthut, dem Genossen dieses immerhin folgereichen Aufenthaltes, Umschau zu halten. Doch wurde ihm dessen Verbleib nicht deutlich, da er weder an seinem vorherigen Standort, noch auf dem weiteren Halteplatz, noch auch im Wagen ausfindig zu machen war.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Zweites Kapitel&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Der Autor der klaren und m&#228;chtigen Prosa-Epop&#246;e vom Leben Friedrichs von Preu&#223;en; der geduldige K&#252;nstler, der in langem Flei&#223; den figurenreichen, so vielerlei Menschenschicksal im Schatten einer Idee versammelnden Romanteppich, &#187;Maja&#171; mit Namen, wob; der Sch&#246;pfer jener starken Erz&#228;hlung, die &#187;Ein Elender&#171; &#252;berschrieben ist und einer ganzen dankbaren Jugend die M&#246;glichkeit sittlicher Entschlossenheit jenseits der tiefsten Erkenntnis zeigte; der Verfasser endlich (und damit sind die Werke seiner Reifezeit kurz bezeichnet) der leidenschaftlichen Abhandlung &#252;ber &#187;Geist und Kunst&#171;, deren ordnende Kraft und antithetische Beredsamkeit ernste Beurteiler vermochte, sie unmittelbar neben Schillers Raisonnement &#252;ber naive und sentimentalische Dichtung zu stellen: Gustav Aschenbach also war zu L., einer Kreisstadt der Provinz Schlesien, als Sohn eines h&#246;heren Justizbeamten geboren. Seine Vorfahren waren Offiziere, Richter, Verwaltungsfunktion&#228;re gewesen, M&#228;nner, die im Dienste des K&#246;nigs, des Staates, ihr straffes, anst&#228;ndig karges Leben gef&#252;hrt hatten. Innigere Geistigkeit hatte sich einmal, in der Person eines Predigers, unter ihnen verk&#246;rpert; rascheres, sinnlicheres Blut war der Familie in der vorigen Generation durch die Mutter des Dichters, Tochter eines b&#246;hmischen Kapellmeisters, zugekommen. Von ihr stammten die Merkmale fremder Rasse in seinem &#196;u&#223;ern. Die Verm&#228;hlung dienstlich n&#252;chterner Gewissenhaftigkeit mit dunkleren, feurigeren Impulsen lie&#223; einen K&#252;nstler und diesen besonderen K&#252;nstler erstehen. Da sein ganzes Wesen auf Ruhm gestellt war, zeigte er sich, wenn nicht eigentlich fr&#252;h reif, so doch, dank der Entschiedenheit und pers&#246;nlichen Pr&#228;gnanz seines Tonfalls fr&#252;h f&#252;r die &#214;ffentlichkeit reif und geschickt. Beinahe noch Gymnasiast, besa&#223; er einen Namen. Zehn Jahre sp&#228;ter hatte er gelernt, von seinem Schreibtische aus zu repr&#228;sentieren, seinen Ruhm zu verwalten in einem Briefsatz, der kurz sein mu&#223;te (denn viele Anspr&#252;che dr&#228;ngen auf den Erfolgreichen, den Vertrauensw&#252;rdigen ein), g&#252;tig und bedeutend zu sein. Der Vierziger hatte, ermattet von den Strapazen und Wechself&#228;llen der eigentlichen Arbeit, allt&#228;glich eine Post zu bew&#228;ltigen, die Wertzeichen aus aller Herren L&#228;ndern trug.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ebensoweit entfernt vom Banalen wie vom Exzentrischen, war sein Talent geschaffen, den Glauben des breiten Publikums und die bewundernde, fordernde Teilnahme der W&#228;hlerischen zugleich zu gewinnen. So, schon als J&#252;ngling von allen Seiten auf die Leistung&#8212;und zwar die au&#223;erordentliche&#8212;verpflichtet, hatte er niemals den M&#252;&#223;iggang, niemals die Fahrl&#228;ssigkeit der Jugend gekannt. Als er um sein f&#252;nfunddrei&#223;igstes Jahr in Wien erkrankte, &#228;u&#223;erte ein feiner Beobachter &#252;ber ihn in Gesellschaft: &#187;Sehen Sie, Aschenbach hat von jeher nur so gelebt&#171;&#8212;und der Sprecher schlo&#223; die Finger seiner Linken fest zur Faust&#8212;; &#187;niemals so&#171;&#8212;und er lie&#223; die ge&#246;ffnete Hand bequem von der Lehne des Sessels h&#228;ngen. Das traf zu; und das Tapfer-Sittliche daran war, da&#223; seine Natur von nichts weniger als robuster Verfassung und zur st&#228;ndigen Anspannung nur berufen, nicht eigentlich geboren war.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#196;rztliche F&#252;rsorge hatte den Knaben vom Schulbesuch ausgeschlossen und auf h&#228;uslichen Unterricht gedrungen. Einzeln, ohne Kameradschaft war er aufgewachsen und hatte doch zeitig erkennen m&#252;ssen, da&#223; er einem Geschlecht angeh&#246;rte, in dem nicht das Talent, wohl aber die physische Basis eine Seltenheit war, deren das Talent zu seiner Erf&#252;llung bedarf,&#8212;einem Geschlechte, das fr&#252;h sein Bestes zu geben pflegt und in dem das K&#246;nnen es selten zu Jahren bringt. Aber sein Lieblingswort war &#187;Durchhalten&#171;,&#8212;er sah in seinem Friedrich-Roman nichts anderes als die Apotheose dieses Befehlswortes, das ihm als der Inbegriff-leitend-t&#228;tiger Tugend erschien. Auch w&#252;nschte er sehnlichst, alt zu werden, denn er hatte von jeher daf&#252;r gehalten, da&#223; wahrhaft gro&#223;, umfassend, ja wahrhaft ehrenwert nur das K&#252;nstlertum zu nennen sei, dem es beschieden war, auf allen Stufen des Menschlichen charakteristisch fruchtbar zu sein.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Da er also die Aufgaben, mit denen sein Talent ihn belud, auf zarten Schultern tragen und weit gehen wollte, so bedurfte er h&#246;chlich der Zucht,&#8212;und Zucht war ja zum Gl&#252;cke sein eingeborenes Erbteil von v&#228;terlicher Seite. Mit vierzig, mit f&#252;nfzig Jahren wie schon in einem Alter, wo andere verschwenden, schw&#228;rmen, die Ausf&#252;hrung gro&#223;er Pl&#228;ne getrost verschieben, begann er seinen Tag beizeiten mit St&#252;rzen kalten Wassers &#252;ber Brust und R&#252;cken und brachte dann, ein Paar hoher Wachskerzen in silbernen Leuchtern zu H&#228;upten des Manuskripts, die Kr&#228;fte, die er im Schlaf gesammelt, in zwei oder drei inbr&#252;nstig gewissenhaften Morgenstunden der Kunst zum Opfer dar. Es war verzeihlich, ja, es bedeutete recht eigentlich den Sieg seiner Moralit&#228;t, wenn Unkundige die Maja-Welt oder die epischen Massen, in denen sich Friedrichs Heldenleben entrollte, f&#252;r das Erzeugnis gedrungener Kraft und eines langen Atems hielten, w&#228;hrend sie vielmehr in kleinen Tagewerken aus hundert Einzelinspirationen zur Gr&#246;&#223;e emporgeschichtet und nur darum so durchaus und an jedem Punkte vortrefflich waren, weil ihr Sch&#246;pfer mit einer Willensdauer und Z&#228;higkeit, derjenigen &#228;hnlich, die seine Heimatprovinz eroberte, jahrelang unter der Spannung eines und desselben Werkes ausgehalten und an die eigentliche Herstellung ausschlie&#223;lich seine st&#228;rksten und w&#252;rdigsten Stunden gewandt hatte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Damit ein bedeutendes Geistesprodukt auf der Stelle eine breite und tiefe Wirkung zu &#252;ben verm&#246;ge, mu&#223; eine tiefe Verwandtschaft, ja &#220;bereinstimmung zwischen dem pers&#246;nlichen Schicksal seines Urhebers und dem allgemeinen des mitlebenden Geschlechtes bestehen. Die Menschen wissen nicht, warum sie einem Kunstwerk Ruhm bereiten. Weit entfernt von Kennerschaft, glauben sie hundert Vorz&#252;ge daran zu entdecken, um so viel Teilnahme zu rechtfertigen; aber der eigentliche Grund ihres Beifalls ist ein Unw&#228;gbares, ist Sympathie. Aschenbach hatte es einmal an wenig sichtbarer Stelle unmittelbar ausgesprochen, da&#223; beinahe alles Gro&#223;e, was dastehe, als ein Trotzdem dastehe, trotz Kummer und Qual, Armut, Verlassenheit, K&#246;rperschw&#228;che, Laster, Leidenschaft und tausend Hemmnissen zustande gekommen sei. Aber das war mehr als eine Bemerkung, es war eine Erfahrung, war geradezu die Formel seines Lebens und Ruhmes, der Schl&#252;ssel zu seinem Werk; und was Wunder also, wenn es auch der sittliche Charakter, die &#228;u&#223;ere Geb&#228;rde seiner eigent&#252;mlichsten Figuren war?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#220;ber den neuen, in mannigfach individuellen Erscheinungen wiederkehrenden Heldentyp, den dieser Schriftsteller bevorzugte, hatte schon fr&#252;hzeitig ein kluger Zergliederer geschrieben: da&#223; er die Konzeption &#187;einer intellektuellen und j&#252;nglinghaften M&#228;nnlichkeit&#171; sei, &#187;die in stolzer Scham die Z&#228;hne aufeinanderbei&#223;t und ruhig dasteht, w&#228;hrend ihr die Schwerter und Speere durch den Leib gehen&#171;. Das war sch&#246;n, geistreich und exakt, trotz seiner scheinbar allzu passivischen Pr&#228;gung. Denn Haltung im Schicksal, Anmut in der Qual bedeutet nicht nur ein Dulden; sie ist eine aktive Leistung, ein positiver Triumph, und die Sebastian-Gestalt ist das sch&#246;nste Sinnbild, wenn nicht der Kunst &#252;berhaupt, so doch gewi&#223; der in Rede stehenden Kunst. Blickte man hinein in diese erz&#228;hlte Welt, sah man die elegante Selbstbeherrschung, die bis zum letzten Augenblick eine innere Unterh&#246;hlung, den biologischen Verfall vor den Augen der Welt verbirgt; die gelbe, sinnlich benachteiligte H&#228;&#223;lichkeit, die es vermag, ihre schwelende Brunst zur reinen Flamme zu entfachen, ja, sich zur Herrschaft im Reiche der Sch&#246;nheit aufzuschwingen; die bleiche Ohnmacht, welche aus den gl&#252;henden Tiefen des Geistes die Kraft holt, ein ganzes &#252;berm&#252;tiges Volk zu F&#252;&#223;en des Kreuzes, zu ihren F&#252;&#223;en niederzuwerfen; die liebensw&#252;rdige Haltung im leeren und strengen Dienste der Form; das falsche, gef&#228;hrliche Leben, die rasch entnervende Sehnsucht und Kunst des gebornen Betr&#252;gers: betrachtete man all dies Schicksal und wieviel gleichartiges noch, so konnte man zweifeln, ob es &#252;berhaupt einen anderen Heroismus g&#228;be, als denjenigen der Schw&#228;che. Welches Heldentum aber jedenfalls w&#228;re zeitgem&#228;&#223;er als dieses? Gustav Aschenbach war der Dichter all derer, die am Rande der Ersch&#246;pfung arbeiten, der &#220;berb&#252;rdeten, schon Aufgeriebenen, sich noch Aufrechthaltenden, all dieser Moralisten der Leistung, die, schm&#228;chtig von Wuchs und spr&#246;de von Mitteln, durch Willensverz&#252;ckung und kluge Verwaltung sich wenigstens eine Zeitlang die Wirkungen der Gr&#246;&#223;e abgewinnen. Ihrer sind viele, sie sind die Helden des Zeitalters. Und sie alle erkannten sich wieder in seinem Werk, sie fanden sich best&#228;tigt, erhoben, besungen darin, sie wu&#223;ten ihm Dank, sie verk&#252;ndeten seinen Namen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er war jung und roh gewesen mit der Zeit und, schlecht beraten von ihr, war er &#246;ffentlich gestrauchelt, hatte Mi&#223;griffe getan, sich blo&#223;gestellt, Verst&#246;&#223;e gegen Takt und Besonnenheit begangen in Wort und Werk. Aber er hatte die W&#252;rde gewonnen, nach welcher, wie er behauptete, jedem gro&#223;en Talente ein nat&#252;rlicher Drang und Stachel eingeboren ist, ja, man kann sagen, da&#223; seine ganze Entwicklung ein bewu&#223;ter und trotziger, alle Hemmungen des Zweifels und der Ironie zur&#252;cklassender Aufstieg zur W&#252;rde gewesen war.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lebendige, geistig unverbindliche Greifbarkeit der Gestaltung bildet das Erg&#246;tzen der b&#252;rgerlichen Massen, aber leidenschaftlich unbedingte Jugend wird nur durch das Problematische gefesselt: und Aschenbach war problematisch, war unbedingt gewesen wie nur irgendein J&#252;ngling. Er hatte dem Geiste gefr&#246;nt, mit der Erkenntnis Raubbau getrieben, Saatfrucht vermahlen, Geheimnisse preisgegeben, das Talent verd&#228;chtigt, die Kunst verraten,&#8212;ja, w&#228;hrend seine Bildwerke die gl&#228;ubig Genie&#223;enden unterhielten, erhoben, belebten, hatte er, der jugendliche K&#252;nstler, die Zwanzigj&#228;hrigen durch seine Zynismen &#252;ber das fragw&#252;rdige Wesen der Kunst, des K&#252;nstlertums selbst in Atem gehalten.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aber es scheint, da&#223; gegen nichts ein edler und t&#252;chtiger Geist sich rascher, sich gr&#252;ndlicher abstumpft als gegen den scharfen und bitteren Reiz der Erkenntnis; und gewi&#223; ist, da&#223; die schwerm&#252;tig gewissenhafteste Gr&#252;ndlichkeit des J&#252;nglings Seichtheit bedeutet im Vergleich mit dem tiefen Entschlusse des Meister gewordenen Mannes, das Wissen zu leugnen, es abzulehnen, erhobenen Hauptes dar&#252;ber hinwegzusehen, sofern es den Willen, die Tat, das Gef&#252;hl und selbst die Leidenschaft im Geringsten zu l&#228;hmen, zu entmutigen, zu entw&#252;rdigen geeignet ist. Wie w&#228;re die ber&#252;hmte Erz&#228;hlung vom &#187;Elenden&#171; wohl anders zu deuten denn als Ausbruch des Ekels gegen den unanst&#228;ndigen Psychologismus der Zeit, verk&#246;rpert in der Figur jenes weichen und albernen Halbschurken, der sich ein Schicksal erschleicht, indem er sein Weib, aus Ohnmacht, aus Lasterhaftigkeit, aus ethischer Velleit&#228;t, in die Arme eines Unb&#228;rtigen treibt und aus Tiefe Nichtsw&#252;rdigkeiten begehen zu d&#252;rfen glaubt? Die Wucht des Wortes, mit welchem hier das Verworfene verworfen wurde, verk&#252;ndete die Abkehr von allem moralischen Zweifelsinn, von jeder Sympathie mit dem Abgrund, die Absage an die Laxheit des Mitleidssatzes, da&#223; alles verstehen alles verzeihen hei&#223;e, und was sich hier vorbereitete, ja schon vollzog, war jenes &#187;Wunder der wiedergeborenen Unbefangenheit&#171;, auf welches ein wenig sp&#228;ter in einem der Dialoge des Autors ausdr&#252;cklich und nicht ohne geheimnisvolle Betonung die Rede kam. Seltsame Zusammenh&#228;nge! War es eine geistige Folge dieser &#187;Wiedergeburt&#171;, dieser neuen W&#252;rde und Strenge, da&#223; man um dieselbe Zeit ein fast &#252;berm&#228;&#223;iges Erstarken seines Sch&#246;nheitssinnes beobachtete, jene adelige Reinheit, Einfachheit und Ebenm&#228;&#223;igkeit der Formgebung, welche seinen Produkten fortan ein so sinnf&#228;lliges, ja gewolltes Gepr&#228;ge der Meisterlichkeit und Klassizit&#228;t verlieh? Aber moralische Entschlossenheit jenseits des Wissens, der aufl&#246;senden und hemmenden Erkenntnis,&#8212;bedeutet sie nicht wiederum eine Vereinfachung, eine sittliche Vereinf&#228;ltigung der Welt und der Seele und also auch ein Erstarken zum B&#246;sen, Verbotenen, zum sittlich Unm&#246;glichen? Und hat Form nicht zweierlei Gesicht? Ist sie nicht sittlich und unsittlich zugleich,&#8212;sittlich als Ergebnis und Ausdruck der Zucht, unsittlich aber und selbst widersittlich, sofern sie von Natur eine moralische Gleichg&#252;ltigkeit in sich schlie&#223;t, ja, wesentlich bestrebt ist, das Moralische unter ihr stolzes und unumschr&#228;nktes Szepter zu beugen?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Wie dem auch sei! Eine Entwicklung ist ein Schicksal; und wie sollte nicht diejenige anders verlaufen, die von der Teilnahme, dem Massenzutrauen einer weiten &#214;ffentlichkeit begleitet wird, als jene, die sich ohne den Glanz und die Verbindlichkeiten des Ruhmes vollzieht? Nur ewiges Zigeunertum findet es langweilig und ist zu spotten geneigt, wenn ein gro&#223;es Talent dem libertinischen Puppenstande entw&#228;chst, die W&#252;rde des Geistes ausdrucksvoll wahrzunehmen sich gew&#246;hnt und die Hofsitten einer Einsamkeit annimmt, die voll unberatener, hart selbst&#228;ndiger Leiden und K&#228;mpfe war und es zu Macht und Ehren unter den Menschen brachte. Wieviel Spiel, Trotz, Genu&#223; ist &#252;brigens in der Selbstgestaltung des Talentes! Etwas Amtlich-Erzieherisches trat mit der Zeit in Gustav Aschenbachs Vorf&#252;hrungen ein, sein Stil entriet in sp&#228;teren Jahren der unmittelbaren K&#252;hnheiten, der subtilen und neuen Abschattungen, er wandelte sich ins Musterg&#252;ltig-Feststehende, Geschliffen-Herk&#246;mmliche, Erhaltende, Formelle, selbst Formelhafte, und wie die &#220;berlieferung es von Ludwig dem Vierzehnten wissen will, so verbannte der Alternde aus seiner Sprachweise jedes gemeine Wort: Damals geschah es, da&#223; die Unterrichtsbeh&#246;rde ausgew&#228;hlte Seiten von ihm in die vorgeschriebenen Schulleseb&#252;cher &#252;bernahm. Es war ihm innerlich gem&#228;&#223;, und er lehnte nicht ab, als ein deutscher F&#252;rst, soeben zum Throne gelangt, dem Dichter des &#187;Friedrich&#171; zu seinem f&#252;nfzigsten Geburtstag den pers&#246;nlichen Adel verlieh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nach einigen Jahren der Unruhe, einigen Versuchsaufenthalten da und dort w&#228;hlte er fr&#252;hzeitig M&#252;nchen zum dauernden Wohnsitz und lebte dort in b&#252;rgerlichem Ehrenstande, wie er dem Geiste in besonderen Einzelf&#228;llen zuteil wird. Die Ehe, die er in noch jugendlichem Alter mit einem M&#228;dchen aus gelehrter Familie eingegangen, wurde nach kurzer Gl&#252;cksfrist durch den Tod getrennt. Eine Tochter, schon Gattin, war ihm geblieben. Einen Sohn hatte er nie besessen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gustav von Aschenbach war ein wenig unter Mittelgr&#246;&#223;e, br&#252;nett, rasiert. Sein Kopf erschien ein wenig zu gro&#223; im Verh&#228;ltnis zu der fast zierlichen Gestalt. Sein r&#252;ckw&#228;rts geb&#252;rstetes Haar, am Scheitel gelichtet, an den Schl&#228;fen sehr voll und stark ergraut, umrahmte eine hohe, zerkl&#252;ftete und gleichsam narbige Stirn. Der B&#252;gel einer Goldbrille mit randlosen Gl&#228;sern schnitt in die Wurzel der gedrungenen, edel gebogenen Nase ein. Der Mund war gro&#223;, oft schlaff, oft pl&#246;tzlich schmal und gespannt; die Wangenpartie mager und gefurcht, das wohlausgebildete Kinn weich gespalten. Bedeutende Schicksale schienen &#252;ber dies meist leidend seitw&#228;rts geneigte Haupt hinweggegangen zu sein, und doch war die Kunst es gewesen, die hier jene physiognomische Durchbildung &#252;bernommen hatte, welche sonst das Werk eines schweren, bewegten Lebens ist. Hinter dieser Stirn waren die blitzenden Repliken des Gespr&#228;chs zwischen Voltaire und dem K&#246;nige &#252;ber den Krieg geboren; diese Augen, m&#252;de und tief durch die Gl&#228;ser blickend, hatten das blutige Inferno der Lazarette des Siebenj&#228;hrigen Krieges gesehen. Auch pers&#246;nlich genommen ist ja die Kunst ein erh&#246;htes Leben. Sie begl&#252;ckt tiefer, sie verzehrt rascher. Sie gr&#228;bt in das Antlitz ihres Dieners die Spuren imagin&#228;rer und geistiger Abenteuer, und sie erzeugt, selbst bei kl&#246;sterlicher Stille des &#228;u&#223;eren Daseins, auf die Dauer eine Verw&#246;hntheit, &#220;berfeinerung, M&#252;digkeit und Neugier der Nerven, wie ein Leben voll ausschweifendster Leidenschaften und Gen&#252;sse sie kaum hervorzubringen vermag.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Drittes Kapitel&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Mehrere Gesch&#228;fte weltlicher und literarischer Natur hielten den Reiselustigen noch etwa zwei Wochen nach jenem Spaziergang in M&#252;nchen zur&#252;ck. Er gab endlich Auftrag, sein Landhaus binnen vier Wochen zum Einzuge instandzusetzen und reiste an einem Tage zwischen Mitte und Ende des Mai mit dem Nachtzuge nach Triest, wo er nur vierundzwanzig Stunden verweilte und sich am n&#228;chstfolgenden Morgen nach Pola einschiffte. Was er suchte, war das Fremdartige und Bezuglose, welches jedoch rasch zu erreichen w&#228;re, und so nahm er Aufenthalt auf einer seit einigen Jahren ger&#252;hmten Insel der Adria, unfern der istrischen K&#252;ste gelegen, mit farbig zerlumptem, in wildfremden Lauten redendem Landvolk und sch&#246;n zerrissenen Klippenpartien dort, wo das Meer offen war. Allein Regen und schwere Luft, eine kleinweltliche, geschlossen &#246;sterreichische Hotelgesellschaft und der Mangel jenes ruhevoll innigen Verh&#228;ltnisses zum Meere, das nur ein sanfter, sandiger Strand gew&#228;hrt, verdrossen ihn, lie&#223;en ihn nicht das Bewu&#223;tsein gewinnen, den Ort seiner Bestimmung getroffen zu haben; ein Zug seines Innern, ihm war noch nicht deutlich, wohin, beunruhigte ihn, er studierte Schiffsverbindungen, er blickte suchend umher, und auf einmal, zugleich &#252;berraschend und selbstverst&#228;ndlich, stand ihm sein Ziel vor Augen. Wenn man &#252;ber Nacht das Unvergleichliche, das m&#228;rchenhaft Abweichende zu erreichen w&#252;nschte, wohin ging man? Aber das war klar. Was sollte er hier? Er war fehlgegangen. Dorthin hatte er reisen wollen. Er s&#228;umte nicht, den irrigen Aufenthalt zu k&#252;ndigen. Anderthalb Wochen nach seiner Ankunft auf der Insel trug ein geschwindes Motorboot ihn und sein Gep&#228;ck in dunstiger Fr&#252;he &#252;ber die Wasser in den Kriegshafen zur&#252;ck, und er ging dort nur an Land, um sogleich &#252;ber einen Brettersteg das feuchte Verdeck eines Schiffes zu beschreiten, das unter Dampf zur Fahrt nach Venedig lag.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Es war ein betagtes Fahrzeug italienischer Nationalit&#228;t, veraltet, ru&#223;ig und d&#252;ster. In einer h&#246;hlenartigen, k&#252;nstlich erleuchteten Koje des inneren Raumes, wohin Aschenbach sofort nach Betreten des Schiffes von einem buckligen und unreinlichen Matrosen mit grinsender H&#246;flichkeit gen&#246;tigt wurde, sa&#223; hinter einem Tische, den Hut schief in der Stirn und einen Zigarettenstummel im Mundwinkel, ein ziegenb&#228;rtiger Mann von der Physiognomie eines altmodischen Zirkusdirektors, der mit grimassenhaft leichtem Gesch&#228;ftsgebaren die Personalien der Reisenden aufnahm und ihnen die Fahrscheine ausstellte. &#187;Nach Venedig!&#171; wiederholte er Aschenbachs Ansuchen, indem er den Arm reckte und die Feder in den breiigen Restinhalt eines schr&#228;g geneigten Tintenfasses stie&#223;. &#187;Nach Venedig erster Klasse! Sie sind bedient, mein Herr!&#171; Und er schrieb gro&#223;e Kr&#228;henf&#252;&#223;e, streute aus einer B&#252;chse blauen Sand auf die Schrift, lie&#223; ihn in eine t&#246;nerne Schale ablaufen, faltete das Papier mit gelben und knochigen Fingern und schrieb aufs neue. &#187;Ein gl&#252;cklich gew&#228;hltes Reiseziel!&#171; schwatzte er unterdessen. &#187;Ah, Venedig! Eine herrliche Stadt! Eine Stadt von unwiderstehlicher Anziehungskraft f&#252;r den Gebildeten, ihrer Geschichte sowohl wie ihrer gegenw&#228;rtigen Reize wegen!&#171; Die glatte Raschheit seiner Bewegungen und das leere Gerede, womit er sie begleitete, hatten etwas Bet&#228;ubendes und Ablenkendes, etwa als besorgte er, der Reisende m&#246;chte in seinem Entschlu&#223;, nach Venedig zu fahren, noch wankend werden. Er kassierte eilig und lie&#223; mit Croupiergewandtheit den Differenzbetrag auf den fleckigen Tuchbezug des Tisches fallen. &#187;Gute Unterhaltung, mein Herr!&#171; sagte er mit schauspielerischer Verbeugung. &#187;Es ist mir eine Ehre, Sie zu bef&#246;rdern&#8230; Meine Herren!&#171; rief er sogleich mit erhobenem Arm und tat, als sei das Gesch&#228;ft im flottesten Gange, obgleich niemand mehr da war, der nach Abfertigung verlangt h&#228;tte. Aschenbach kehrte auf das Verdeck zur&#252;ck.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Einen Arm auf die Br&#252;stung gelehnt, betrachtete er das m&#252;&#223;ige Volk, das, der Abfahrt des Schiffes beizuwohnen, am Quai lungerte, und die Passagiere an Bord. Diejenigen der zweiten Klasse kauerten, M&#228;nner und Weiber, auf dem Vorderdeck, indem sie Kisten und B&#252;ndel als Sitze benutzten. Eine Gruppe junger Leute bildete die Reisegesellschaft des ersten Verdecks, Polenser Handelsgeh&#252;lfen, wie es schien, die sich in angeregter Laune zu einem Ausflug nach Italien vereinigt hatten. Sie machten nicht wenig Aufhebens von sich und ihrem Unternehmen, schwatzten, lachten, genossen selbstgef&#228;llig das eigene Geb&#228;rdenspiel und riefen den Kameraden, die, Portefeuilles unterm Arm, in Gesch&#228;ften die Hafenstra&#223;e entlang gingen und den Feiernden mit dem St&#246;ckchen drohten, &#252;ber das Gel&#228;nder gebeugt, zungengel&#228;ufige Spottreden nach. Einer, in hellgelbem, &#252;bermodisch geschnittenem Sommeranzug, roter Krawatte und k&#252;hn aufgebogenem Panama, tat sich mit kr&#228;hender Stimme an Aufger&#228;umtheit vor allen andern hervor. Kaum aber hatte Aschenbach ihn genauer ins Auge gefa&#223;t, als er mit einer Art von Entsetzen erkannte, da&#223; der J&#252;ngling falsch war. Er war alt, man konnte nicht zweifeln. Runzeln umgaben ihm Augen und Mund. Das matte Karmesin der Wangen war Schminke, das braune Haar unter dem farbig umwundenen Strohhut Per&#252;cke, sein Hals verfallen und sehnig, sein aufgesetztes Schnurrb&#228;rtchen und die Fliege am Kinn gef&#228;rbt, sein gelbes und vollz&#228;hliges Gebi&#223;, das er lachend zeigte, ein billiger Ersatz, und seine H&#228;nde, mit Siegelringen an beiden Zeigefingern, waren die eines Greises. Schauerlich angemutet sah Aschenbach ihm und seiner Gemeinschaft mit den Freunden zu. Wu&#223;ten, bemerkten sie nicht, da&#223; er alt war, da&#223; er zu Unrecht ihre stutzerhafte und bunte Kleidung trug, zu Unrecht einen der Ihren spielte? Selbstverst&#228;ndlich und gewohnheitsm&#228;&#223;ig, wie es schien, duldeten sie ihn in ihrer Mitte, behandelten ihn als ihresgleichen, erwiderten ohne Abscheu seine neckischen Rippenst&#246;&#223;e. Wie ging das zu? Aschenbach bedeckte seine Stirn mit der Hand und schlo&#223; die Augen, die hei&#223; waren, da er zu wenig geschlafen hatte. Ihm war, als lasse nicht alles sich ganz gew&#246;hnlich an, als beginne eine tr&#228;umerische Entfremdung, eine Entstellung der Welt ins Sonderbare um sich zu greifen, der vielleicht Einhalt zu tun w&#228;re, wenn er sein Gesicht ein wenig verdunkelte und aufs neue um sich schaute. In diesem Augenblick jedoch ber&#252;hrte ihn das Gef&#252;hl des Schwimmens, und mit unvern&#252;nftigem Erschrecken aufsehend, gewahrte er, da&#223; der schwere und d&#252;stere K&#246;rper des Schiffes sich langsam vom gemauerten Ufer l&#246;ste. Zollweise, unter dem Vorw&#228;rts-und R&#252;ckw&#228;rtsarbeiten der Maschine, verbreitete sich der Streifen schmutzig schillernden Wassers zwischen Quai und Schiffswand, und nach schwerf&#228;lligen Man&#246;vern kehrte der Dampfer seinen Bugspriet dem offenen Meere zu. Aschenbach ging nach der Steuerbordseite hin&#252;ber, wo der Bucklige ihm einen Liegestuhl aufgeschlagen hatte und ein Steward in fleckigem Frack nach seinen Befehlen fragte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Der Himmel war grau, der Wind feucht; Hafen und Inseln waren zur&#252;ckgeblieben, und rasch verlor sich aus dem dunstigen Gesichtskreise alles Land. Flocken von Kohlenstaub gingen, gedunsen von N&#228;sse, auf das gewaschene Deck nieder, das nicht trocknen wollte. Schon nach einer Stunde spannte man ein Segeldach aus, da es zu regnen begann.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In seinen Mantel geschlossen, ein Buch im Scho&#223;e, ruhte der Reisende, und die Stunden verrannen ihm unversehens. Es hatte zu regnen aufgeh&#246;rt; man entfernte das leinene Dach. Der Horizont war vollkommen. Unter der breiten Kuppel des Himmels dehnte sich rings die ungeheure Scheibe des &#246;den Meeres; aber im leeren, ungegliederten Raume fehlt unserem Sinn auch das Ma&#223; der Zeit, und wir d&#228;mmern im Ungemessenen. Schattenhaft sonderbare Gestalten, der greise Geck, der Ziegenbart aus dem Schiffsinnern, gingen mit unbestimmten Geb&#228;rden, mit verwirrten Traumworten durch den Geist des Ruhenden, und er schlief ein.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Um Mittag n&#246;tigte man ihn hinab, damit er in dem korridorartigen Speisesaal, auf den die T&#252;ren der Schlafkojen m&#252;ndeten, zu H&#228;upten eines langen Tisches, an dessen unterem Ende die Handelsgeh&#252;lfen, einschlie&#223;lich des Alten, seit zehn Uhr mit dem munteren Kapit&#228;n pokulierten, die bestellte Mahlzeit n&#228;hme. Sie war armselig, und er beendete sie rasch. Es trieb ihn ins Freie, nach dem Himmel zu sehen: ob er denn nicht &#252;ber Venedig sich erhellen wollte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er hatte nicht anders gedacht, als da&#223; dies geschehen m&#252;sse, denn stets hatte die Stadt ihn im Glanze empfangen. Aber Himmel und Meer blieben tr&#252;b und bleiern, zeitweilig ging neblichter Regen nieder, und er fand sich darein, auf dem Wasserwege ein anderes Venedig zu erreichen, als er, zu Lande sich n&#228;hernd, je angetroffen hatte. Er stand am Fockmast, den Blick im Weiten, das Land erwartend. Er gedachte des schwerm&#252;tig-enthusiastischen Dichters, dem vormals die Kuppeln und Glockent&#252;rme seines Traumes aus diesen Fluten gestiegen waren, er wiederholte im Stillen einiges von dem, was damals an Ehrfurcht, Gl&#252;ck und Trauer zu ma&#223;vollem Gesange geworden, und von schon gestalteter Empfindung m&#252;helos bewegt, pr&#252;fte er sein ernstes und m&#252;des Herz, ob eine erneuernde Begeisterung und Verwirrung, ein sp&#228;tes Abenteuer des Gef&#252;hles dem fahrenden M&#252;&#223;igg&#228;nger vielleicht noch vorbehalten sein k&#246;nne.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Da tauchte zur Rechten die flache K&#252;ste auf, Fischerboote belebten das Meer, die B&#228;derinsel erschien, der Dampfer lie&#223; sie zur Linken, glitt verlangsamten Ganges durch den schmalen Port, der nach ihr benannt ist, und auf der Lagune, angesichts bunt armseliger Behausungen hielt er ganz, da die Barke des Sanit&#228;tsdienstes erwartet werden mu&#223;te.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Eine Stunde verging, bis sie erschien. Man war angekommen und war es nicht; man hatte keine Eile und f&#252;hlte sich doch von Ungeduld getrieben. Die jungen Polenser, patriotisch angezogen auch wohl von den milit&#228;rischen Hornsignalen, die aus der Gegend der &#246;ffentlichen G&#228;rten her &#252;ber das Wasser klangen, waren auf Deck gekommen, und, vom Asti begeistert, brachten sie Lebehochs auf die dr&#252;ben exerzierenden Bersaglieri aus. Aber widerlich war es zu sehen, in welchen Zustand den aufgestutzten Greisen seine falsche Gemeinschaft mit der Jugend gebracht hatte. Sein altes Hirn hatte dem Weine nicht wie die jugendlich r&#252;stigen Stand zu halten vermocht, er war kl&#228;glich betrunken. Verbl&#246;deten Blicks, eine Zigarette zwischen den zitternden Fingern, schwankte er, m&#252;hsam das Gleichgewicht haltend, auf der Stelle, vom Rausche vorw&#228;rts und r&#252;ckw&#228;rts gezogen. Da er beim ersten Schritte gefallen w&#228;re, getraute er sich nicht vom Fleck, doch zeigte er einen jammervollen &#220;bermut, hielt jeden, der sich ihm n&#228;herte, am Knopfe fest, lallte, zwinkerte, kicherte, hob seinen beringten, runzeligen Zeigefinger zu alberner Neckerei und leckte auf abscheulich zweideutige Art mit der Zungenspitze die Mundwinkel. Aschenbach sah ihm mit finsteren Brauen zu, und wiederum kam ein Gef&#252;hl von Benommenheit ihn an, so, als zeige die Welt eine leichte, doch nicht zu hemmende Neigung, sich ins Sonderbare und Fratzenhafte zu entstellen; ein Gef&#252;hl, dem nachzuh&#228;ngen freilich die Umst&#228;nde ihn abhielten, da eben die stampfende T&#228;tigkeit der Maschine aufs neue begann und das Schiff seine so nah dem Ziel unterbrochene Fahrt durch den Kanal von San Marco wieder aufnahm. So sah er ihn denn wieder, den erstaunlichsten Landungsplatz, jene blendende Komposition phantastischen Bauwerks, welche die Republik den ehrf&#252;rchtigen Blicken nahender Seefahrer entgegenstellte: die leichte Herrlichkeit des Palastes und die Seufzerbr&#252;cke, die S&#228;ulen mit L&#246;w' und Heiligem am Ufer, die prunkend vortretende Flanke des M&#228;rchentempels, den Durchblick auf Torweg und Riesenuhr, und anschauend bedachte er, da&#223; zu Lande, auf dem Bahnhof in Venedig anlangen, einen Palast durch eine Hintert&#252;r betreten hei&#223;e, und da&#223; man nicht anders als wie nun er, als zu Schiffe, als &#252;ber das hohe Meer die unwahrscheinlichste der St&#228;dte erreichen sollte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Die Maschine stoppte, Gondeln dr&#228;ngten herzu, die Fallreepstreppe ward herabgelassen, Zollbeamte stiegen an Bord und walteten obenhin ihres Amtes; die Ausschiffung konnte beginnen. Aschenbach gab zu verstehen, da&#223; er eine Gondel w&#252;nsche, die ihn und sein Gep&#228;ck zur Station jener kleinen Dampfer bringen solle, welche zwischen der Stadt und dem Lido verkehren; denn er gedachte am Meere Wohnung zu nehmen. Man billigt sein Vorhaben, man schreit seinen Wunsch zur Wasserfl&#228;che hinab, wo die Gondelf&#252;hrer im Dialekt mit einander zanken. Er ist noch gehindert, hinabzusteigen, sein Koffer hindert ihn, der eben mit M&#252;hsal die leiterartige Treppe hinunter gezerrt und geschleppt wird. So sieht er sich minutenlang au&#223;erstande, den Zudringlichkeiten des schauderhaften Alten zu entkommen, den die Trunkenheit dunkel antreibt, dem Fremden Abschiedshonneurs zu machen. &#187;Wir w&#252;nschen den gl&#252;cklichsten Aufenthalt&#171;, meckert er unter Kratzf&#252;&#223;en. &#187;Man empfiehlt sich geneigter Erinnerung! Au revoir, excusez und bon jour, Euer Exzellenz!&#171; Sein Mund w&#228;ssert, er dr&#252;ckt die Augen ein, er leckt die Mundwinkel, und die gef&#228;rbte Bartfliege an seiner Greisenlippe str&#228;ubt sich empor. &#187;Unsere Komplimente&#171;, lallt er, zwei Fingerspitzen am Munde, &#187;unsere Komplimente dem Liebchen, dem allerliebsten, dem sch&#246;nsten Liebchen&#8230;&#171; Und pl&#246;tzlich f&#228;llt ihm das falsche Obergebi&#223; vom Kiefer auf die Unterlippe. Aschenbach konnte entweichen. &#187;Dem Liebchen, dem feinen Liebchen&#171;, h&#246;rte er in girrenden, hohlen und behinderten Lauten in seinem R&#252;cken, w&#228;hrend er, am Strickgel&#228;nder sich haltend, die Fallreepstreppe hinabklomm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Wer h&#228;tte nicht einen fl&#252;chtigen Schauder, eine geheime Scheu und Beklommenheit zu bek&#228;mpfen gehabt, wenn es zum ersten Male oder nach langer Entw&#246;hnung galt, eine venezianische Gondel zu besteigen? Das seltsame Fahrzeug, aus balladesken Zeiten ganz unver&#228;ndert &#252;berkommen und so eigent&#252;mlich schwarz, wie sonst unter allen Dingen nur S&#228;rge sind, es erinnert an lautlose und verbrecherische Abenteuer in pl&#228;tschernder Nacht, es erinnert noch mehr an den Tod selbst, an Bahre und d&#252;steres Beg&#228;ngnis und letzte, schweigsame Fahrt. Und hat man bemerkt, da&#223; der Sitz einer solchen Barke, dieser sargschwarz lackierte, mattschwarz gepolsterte Armstuhl, der weichste, &#252;ppigste, der erschlaffendste Sitz von der Welt ist? Aschenbach ward es gewahr, als er zu F&#252;&#223;en des Gondoliers, seinem Gep&#228;ck gegen&#252;ber, das am Schnabel reinlich beisammen lag, sich niedergelassen hatte. Die Ruderer zankten immer noch, rauh, unverst&#228;ndlich, mit drohenden Geb&#228;rden. Aber die besondere Stille der Wasserstadt schien ihre Stimmen sanft aufzunehmen, zu entk&#246;rpern, &#252;ber der Flut zu zerstreuen. Es war warm hier im Hafen. Lau anger&#252;hrt vom Hauch des Scirocco, auf dem nachgiebigen Element in Kissen gelehnt, schlo&#223; der Reisende die Augen im Genu&#223; einer so ungewohnten als s&#252;&#223;en L&#228;ssigkeit. Die Fahrt wird kurz sein, dachte er; m&#246;chte sie immer w&#228;hren! In leisem Schwanken f&#252;hlte er sich dem Gedr&#228;nge, dem Stimmengewirr entgleiten.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Wie still und stiller es um ihn wurde! Nichts war zu vernehmen als das Pl&#228;tschern des Ruders, das hohle Aufschlagen der Wellen gegen den Schnabel der Barke, der steil, schwarz und an der Spitze hellebardenartig bewehrt &#252;ber dem Wasser stand und noch ein Drittes, ein Reden, ein Raunen,&#8212;das Fl&#252;stern des Gondoliers, der zwischen den Z&#228;hnen, sto&#223;weise, in Lauten, die von der Arbeit seiner Arme gepre&#223;t waren, zu sich selber sprach. Aschenbach blickte auf, und mit leichter Befremdung gewahrte er, da&#223; um ihn her die Lagune sich weitete und seine Fahrt dem offenen Meere zugekehrt war. Es schien folglich, da&#223; er nicht allzu sehr ruhen d&#252;rfe, sondern auf den Vollzug seines Willens ein wenig bedacht sein m&#252;sse.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Zur Dampferstation also! sagte er mit einer halben Wendung r&#252;ckw&#228;rts. Das Raunen verstummte. Er erhielt keine Antwort.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Zur Dampferstation also! wiederholte er, indem er sich vollends umwandte und in das Gesicht des Gondoliers emporblickte, der hinter ihm, auf erh&#246;htem Borde stehend, vor dem fahlen Himmel aufragte. Es war ein Mann von ungef&#228;lliger, ja brutaler Physiognomie, seem&#228;nnisch blau gekleidet, mit einer gelben Sch&#228;rpe geg&#252;rtet und einen formlosen Strohhut, dessen Geflecht sich aufzul&#246;sen begann, verwegen schief auf dem Kopfe. Seine Gesichtsbildung, sein blonder, lockiger Schnurrbart unter der kurz aufgeworfenen Nase lie&#223;en ihn durchaus nicht italienischen Schlages erscheinen. Obgleich eher schm&#228;chtig von Leibesbeschaffenheit, so da&#223; man ihn f&#252;r seinen Beruf nicht sonderlich geschickt geglaubt h&#228;tte, f&#252;hrte er das Ruder, bei jedem Schlage den ganzen K&#246;rper einsetzend, mit gro&#223;er Energie. Ein paarmal zog er vor Anstrengung die Lippen zur&#252;ck und entbl&#246;&#223;te seine wei&#223;en Z&#228;hne. Die r&#246;tlichen Brauen gerunzelt, blickte er &#252;ber den Gast hinweg, indem er bestimmten, fast groben Tones erwiderte:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Sie fahren zum Lido.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach entgegnete:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Allerdings. Aber ich habe die Gondel nur genommen, um mich nach San&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Marco &#252;bersetzen zu lassen. Ich w&#252;nsche den Vaporetto zu benutzen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Sie k&#246;nnen den Vaporetto nicht benutzen, mein Herr.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Und warum nicht?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Weil der Vaporetto kein Gep&#228;ck bef&#246;rdert.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Das war richtig; Aschenbach erinnerte sich. Er schwieg. Aber die schroffe, &#252;berhebliche, einem Fremden gegen&#252;ber so wenig landes&#252;bliche Art des Menschen schien unleidlich. Er sagte:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Das ist meine Sache. Vielleicht will ich mein Gep&#228;ck in Verwahrung geben. Sie werden umkehren. Er blieb still. Das Ruder pl&#228;tscherte, das Wasser schlug dumpf an den Bug. Und das Reden und Raunen begann wieder: der Gondolier sprach zwischen den Z&#228;hnen mit sich selbst.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Was war zu tun? Allein auf der Flut mit dem sonderbar unbotm&#228;&#223;igen, unheimlich entschlossenen Menschen, sah der Reisende kein Mittel, seinen Willen durchzusetzen. Wie weich er &#252;brigens ruhen durfte, wenn er sich nicht emp&#246;rte. Hatte er nicht gew&#252;nscht, da&#223; die Fahrt lange, da&#223; sie immer dauern m&#246;ge? Es war das Kl&#252;gste, den Dingen ihren Lauf zu lassen, und es war haupts&#228;chlich h&#246;chst angenehm. Ein Bann der Tr&#228;gheit schien auszugehen von seinem Sitz, von diesem niedrigen, schwarzgepolsterten Armstuhl, so sanft gewiegt von den Ruderschl&#228;gen des eigenm&#228;chtigen Gondoliers in seinem R&#252;cken. Die Vorstellung, einem Verbrecher in die H&#228;nde gefallen zu sein, streifte tr&#228;umerisch Aschenbachs Sinn,&#8212;unverm&#246;gend, seine Gedanken zu t&#228;tiger Abwehr aufzurufen. Verdrie&#223;licher schien die M&#246;glichkeit, da&#223; alles auf simple Geldschneiderei angelegt sei. Eine Art Pflichtgef&#252;hl oder Stolz, die Erinnerung gleichsam, da&#223; man dem vorbeugen m&#252;sse, vermochte ihn, sich noch einmal aufzuraffen. Er fragte:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Was fordern Sie f&#252;r die Fahrt?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Und &#252;ber ihn hinsehend antwortete der Gondolier:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Sie werden bezahlen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Es stand fest, was hierauf zur&#252;ckzugeben war. Aschenbach sagte mechanisch:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Ich werde nichts bezahlen, durchaus nichts, wenn Sie mich fahren, wohin ich nicht will.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Sie wollen zum Lido.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Aber nicht mit Ihnen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Ich fahre Sie gut.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Das ist wahr, dachte Aschenbach und spannte sich ab. Das ist wahr, du f&#228;hrst mich gut. Selbst, wenn du es auf meine Barschaft abgesehen hast und mich hinterr&#252;cks mit einem Ruderschlage ins Haus des Aides schickst, wirst du mich gut gefahren haben. Allein nichts dergleichen geschah. Sogar Gesellschaft stellte sich ein, ein Boot mit musikalischen Wegelagerern, M&#228;nnern und Weibern, die zur Guitarre, zur Mandoline sangen, aufdringlich Bord an Bord mit der Gondel fuhren und die Stille &#252;ber den Wassern mit ihrer gewinns&#252;chtigen Fremdenpoesie erf&#252;llten. Aschenbach warf Geld in den hingehaltenen Hut. Sie schwiegen dann und fuhren davon. Und das Fl&#252;stern des Gondoliers war wieder wahrnehmbar, der sto&#223;weise und abgerissen mit sich selber sprach.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So kam man denn an, geschaukelt vom Kielwasser eines zur Stadt fahrenden Dampfers. Zwei Munizipalbeamte, die H&#228;nde auf dem R&#252;cken, die Gesichter der Lagune zugewandt, gingen am Ufer auf und ab. Aschenbach verlie&#223; am Stege die Gondel, unterst&#252;tzt von jenem Alten, der an jedem Landungsplatze Venedigs mit seinem Enterhaken zur Stelle ist; und da es ihm an kleinerem Gelde fehlte, ging er hin&#252;ber in das der Dampferbr&#252;cke benachbarte Hotel, um dort zu wechseln und den Ruderer nach Gutd&#252;nken abzulohnen. Er wird in der Halle bedient, er kehrt zur&#252;ck, er findet sein Reisegut auf einem Karren am Quai, und Gondel und Gondolier sind verschwunden.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Er hat sich fortgemacht, sagte der Alte mit dem Enterhaken. Ein schlechter Mann, ein Mann ohne Konzession, gn&#228;diger Herr. Er ist der einzige Gondolier, der keine Konzession besitzt. Die andern haben hierher telephoniert. Er sah, da&#223; er erwartet wurde. Da hat er sich fortgemacht.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach zuckte die Achseln.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;Der Herr ist umsonst gefahren, sagte der Alte und hielt den Hut hin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach warf M&#252;nzen hinein. Er gab Weisung, sein Gep&#228;ck ins&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
B&#228;der-Hotel zu bringen, und folgte dem Karren durch die Allee, die&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
wei&#223;bl&#252;hende Allee, welche, Tavernen, Bazare, Pensionen zu beiden&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seiten, quer &#252;ber die Insel zum Strande l&#228;uft.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er betrat das weitl&#228;ufige Hotel von hinten, von der Gartenterrasse aus und begab sich durch die gro&#223;e Halle und die Vorhalle ins Office. Da er angemeldet war, wurde er mit dienstfertigem Einverst&#228;ndnis empfangen. Ein Manager, ein kleiner, leiser, schmeichelnd h&#246;flicher Mann mit schwarzem Schnurrbart und in franz&#246;sisch geschnittenem Gehrock, begleitete ihn im Lift zum zweiten Stockwerk hinauf und wies ihm sein Zimmer an, einen angenehmen, in Kirschholz m&#246;blierten Raum, den man mit starkduftenden Blumen geschm&#252;ckt hatte und dessen hohe Fenster die Aussicht aufs offene Meer gew&#228;hrten. Er trat an eines davon, nachdem der Angestellte sich zur&#252;ckgezogen, und w&#228;hrend man hinter ihm sein Gep&#228;ck hereinschaffte und im Zimmer unterbrachte, blickte er hinaus auf den nachmitt&#228;glich menschenarmen Strand und die unbesonnte See, die Flutzeit hatte und niedrige, gestreckte Wellen in ruhigem Gleichtakt gegen das Ufer sandte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Die Beobachtungen und Begegnisse des Einsam-Stummen sind zugleich verschwommener und eindringlicher als die des Geselligen, seine Gedanken schwerer, wunderlicher und nie ohne einen Anflug von Traurigkeit. Bilder und Wahrnehmungen, die mit einem Blick, einem Lachen, einem Urteilsaustausch leichthin abzutun w&#228;ren, besch&#228;ftigen ihn &#252;ber Geb&#252;hr, vertiefen sich im Schweigen, werden bedeutsam, Erlebnis, Abenteuer, Gef&#252;hl. Einsamkeit zeitigt das Originale, das gewagt und befremdend Sch&#246;ne, das Gedicht. Einsamkeit zeitigt aber auch das Verkehrte, das Unverh&#228;ltnism&#228;&#223;ige, das Absurde und Unerlaubte.&#8212;So beunruhigten die Erscheinungen der Herreise, der gr&#228;&#223;liche alte Stutzer mit seinem Gefasel vom Liebchen, der verp&#246;nte, um seinen Lohn geprellte Gondolier, noch jetzt das Gem&#252;t des Reisenden. Ohne der Vernunft Schwierigkeiten zu bieten, ohne eigentlich Stoff zum Nachdenken zu geben, waren sie dennoch grundsonderbar von Natur, wie es ihm schien, und beunruhigend wohl eben durch diesen Widerspruch. Dazwischen gr&#252;&#223;te er das Meer mit den Augen und empfand Freude, Venedig in so leicht erreichbarer Nahe zu wissen. Er wandte sich endlich, badete sein Gesicht, traf gegen das Zimmerm&#228;dchen einige Anordnungen zur Vervollst&#228;ndigung seiner Bequemlichkeit und lie&#223; sich von dem gr&#252;n gekleideten Schweizer, der den Lift bediente, ins Erdgescho&#223; hinunterfahren.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er nahm seinen Tee auf der Terrasse der Seeseite, stieg dann hinab und verfolgte den Promenaden-Quai eine gute Strecke in der Richtung auf das Hotel Excelsior. Als er zur&#252;ckkehrte, schien es schon an der Zeit, sich zur Abendmahlzeit umzukleiden. Er tat es langsam und genau, nach seiner Art, da er bei der Toilette zu arbeiten gew&#246;hnt war, und fand sich trotzdem ein wenig verfr&#252;ht in der Halle ein, wo er einen gro&#223;en Teil der Hotelg&#228;ste, fremd untereinander und in gespielter gegenseitiger Teilnahmslosigkeit, aber in der gemeinsamen Erwartung des Essens, versammelt fand. Er nahm eine Zeitung vom Tische, lie&#223; sich in einen Ledersessel nieder und betrachtete die Gesellschaft, die sich von derjenigen seines ersten Aufenthaltes in einer ihm angenehmen Weise unterschied.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ein weiter, duldsam vieles umfassender Horizont tat sich auf. Ged&#228;mpft, vermischten sich die Laute der gro&#223;en Sprachen. Der weltg&#252;ltige Abendanzug, eine Uniform der Gesittung, fa&#223;te &#228;u&#223;erlich die Spielarten des Menschlichen zu anst&#228;ndiger Einheit zusammen. Man sah die trockene und lange Miene des Amerikaners, die vielgliedrige russische Familie, englische Damen, deutsche Kinder mit franz&#246;sischen Bonnen. Der slavische Bestandteil schien vorzuherrschen. Gleich in der N&#228;he ward polnisch gesprochen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Es war eine Gruppe halb und kaum Erwachsener, unter der Obhut einer Erzieherin oder Gesellschafterin um ein Rohrtischchen versammelt: drei junge M&#228;dchen, f&#252;nfzehn-bis siebzehnj&#228;hrig, wie es schien, und ein langhaariger Knabe von vielleicht vierzehn Jahren. Mit Erstaunen bemerkte Aschenbach, da&#223; der Knabe vollkommen sch&#246;n war. Sein Antlitz,&#8212;bleich und anmutig verschlossen, von honigfarbenem Haar umringelt, mit der gerade abfallenden Nase, dem lieblichen Munde, dem Ausdruck von holdem und g&#246;ttlichem Ernst, erinnerte an griechische Bildwerke aus edelster Zeit, und bei reinster Vollendung der Form war es von so einmalig-pers&#246;nlichem Reiz, da&#223; der Schauende weder in Natur noch bildender Kunst etwas &#228;hnlich Gegl&#252;cktes angetroffen zu haben glaubte. Was ferner auffiel, war ein offenbar grunds&#228;tzlicher Kontrast zwischen den erzieherischen Gesichtspunkten, nach denen die Geschwister gekleidet und allgemein gehalten schienen. Die Herrichtung der drei M&#228;dchen, von denen die &#196;lteste f&#252;r erwachsen gelten konnte, war bis zum Entstellenden herb und keusch. Eine gleichm&#228;&#223;ig kl&#246;sterliche Tracht, schieferfarben, halblang, n&#252;chtern und gewollt unkleidsam von Schnitt, mit wei&#223;en Fallkr&#228;gen als einziger Aufhellung, unterdr&#252;ckte und verhinderte jede Gef&#228;lligkeit der Gestalt. Das glatt und fest an den Kopf geklebte Haar lie&#223; die Gesichter nonnenhaft leer und nichtssagend erscheinen. Gewi&#223;, es war eine Mutter, die hier waltete, und sie dachte nicht einmal daran, auch auf den Knaben die p&#228;dagogische Strenge anzuwenden, die ihr den M&#228;dchen gegen&#252;ber geboten schien. Weichheit und Z&#228;rtlichkeit bestimmten ersichtlich seine Existenz. Man hatte sich geh&#252;tet, die Schere an sein sch&#246;nes Haar zu legen; wie beim Dornauszieher lockte es sich in die Stirn, &#252;ber die Ohren und tiefer noch in den Nacken. Ein englisches Matrosenkost&#252;m, dessen bauschige &#196;rmel sich nach unten verengerten und die feinen Gelenke seiner noch kindlichen, aber schmalen H&#228;nde knapp umspannten, verlieh mit seinen Schn&#252;ren, Maschen und Stickereien der zarten Gestalt etwas Reiches und Verw&#246;hntes. Er sa&#223;, im Halbprofil gegen den Betrachtenden, einen Fu&#223; im schwarzen Lackschuh vor den andern gestellt, einen Ellenbogen auf die Armlehne seines Korbsessels gest&#252;tzt, die Wange an die geschlossene Hand geschmiegt, in einer Haltung von l&#228;ssigem Anstand und ganz ohne die fast untergeordnete Steifheit, an die seine weiblichen Geschwister gew&#246;hnt schienen. War er leidend? Denn die Haut seines Gesichtes stach wei&#223; wie Elfenbein gegen das goldige Dunkel der umrahmenden Locken ab. Oder war er einfach ein verz&#228;rteltes Vorzugskind, von parteilicher und launischer Liebe getragen? Aschenbach war geneigt, dies zu glauben. Fast jedem K&#252;nstlernaturell ist ein &#252;ppiger und verr&#228;terischer Hang eingeboren, Sch&#246;nheit schaffende Ungerechtigkeit anzuerkennen und aristokratischer Bevorzugung Teilnahme und Huldigung entgegenzubringen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ein Kellner ging umher und meldete auf englisch, da&#223; die Mahlzeit bereit sei. Allm&#228;hlich verlor sich die Gesellschaft durch die Glast&#252;r in den Speisesaal. Nachz&#252;gler, vom Vestib&#252;l, von den Lifts kommend, gingen vor&#252;ber. Man hatte drinnen zu servieren begonnen, aber die jungen Polen verharrten noch um ihr Rohrtischchen, und Aschenbach, in tiefem Sessel behaglich aufgehoben und &#252;brigens das Sch&#246;ne vor Augen, wartete mit ihnen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Die Gouvernante, eine kleine und korpulente Halbdame mit rotem&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gesicht, gab endlich das Zeichen, sich zu erheben. Mit hochgezogenen&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Brauen schob sie ihren Stuhl zur&#252;ck und verneigte sich, als eine gro&#223;e&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau, grau-wei&#223; gekleidet und sehr reich mit Perlen geschm&#252;ckt, die&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Halle betrat. Die Haltung dieser Frau war k&#252;hl und gemessen, die&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anordnung ihres leicht gepuderten Haares sowohl wie die Machart ihres&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kleides von jener Einfachheit, die &#252;berall da den Geschmack bestimmt,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
wo Fr&#246;mmigkeit als Bestandteil der Vornehmheit gilt. Sie h&#228;tte die&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau eines hohen deutschen Beamten sein k&#246;nnen. Etwas von&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
phantastischem Aufwand kam in ihre Erscheinung einzig durch ihren&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Schmuck, der in der Tat kaum sch&#228;tzbar war und aus Ohrgeh&#228;ngen, sowie&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
einer dreifachen, sehr langen Kette kirschengro&#223;er, mild schimmernder&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Perlen bestand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Die Geschwister waren rasch aufgestanden. Sie beugten sich zum Ku&#223; &#252;ber die Hand ihrer Mutter, die mit einem zur&#252;ckhaltenden L&#228;cheln ihres gepflegten, doch etwas m&#252;den und spitzn&#228;sigen Gesichtes &#252;ber ihre K&#246;pfe hinwegblickte und einige Worte in franz&#246;sischer Sprache an die Erzieherin richtete. Dann schritt sie zur Glast&#252;r. Die Geschwister folgten ihr: die M&#228;dchen in der Reihenfolge ihres Alters, nach ihnen die Gouvernante, zuletzt der Knabe. Aus irgend einem Grunde wandte er sich um, bevor er die Schwelle &#252;berschritt, und da niemand sonst mehr in der Halle sich aufhielt, begegneten seine eigent&#252;mlich d&#228;mmergrauen Augen denen Aschenbachs, der, seine Zeitung auf den Knien, in Anschauung versunken, der Gruppe nachblickte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Was er gesehen, war gewi&#223; in keiner Einzelheit auffallend gewesen. Man war nicht vor der Mutter zu Tische gegangen, man hatte sie erwartet, sie ehrerbietig begr&#252;&#223;t und beim Eintritt in den Saal gebr&#228;uchliche Formen beobachtet. Allein das alles hatte sich so ausdr&#252;cklich, mit einem solchen Akzent von Zucht, Verpflichtung und Selbstachtung dargestellt, da&#223; Aschenbach sich sonderbar ergriffen f&#252;hlte. Er z&#246;gerte noch einige Augenblicke, ging dann auch seinerseits in den Speisesaal hin&#252;ber und lie&#223; sich sein Tischchen anweisen, das, wie er mit einer kurzen Regung des Bedauerns feststellte, sehr weit von dem der polnischen Familie entfernt war.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
M&#252;de und dennoch geistig bewegt, unterhielt er sich w&#228;hrend der langwierigen Mahlzeit mit abstrakten, ja transzendenten Dingen, sann nach &#252;ber die geheimnisvolle Verbindung, welche das Gesetzm&#228;&#223;ige mit dem Individuellen eingehen m&#252;sse, damit menschliche Sch&#246;nheit entstehe, kam von da aus auf allgemeine Probleme der Form und der Kunst und fand am Ende, da&#223; seine Gedanken und Funde gewissen scheinbar gl&#252;cklichen Einfl&#252;sterungen des Traumes glichen, die sich bei ern&#252;chtertem Sinn als vollst&#228;ndig schal und untauglich erweisen. Er hielt sich nach Tische rauchend, sitzend, umherwandelnd, in dem abendlich duftenden Parke auf, ging zeitig zur Ruhe und verbrachte die Nacht in anhaltend tiefem, aber von Traumbildern verschiedentlich belebtem Schlaf.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Das Wetter lie&#223; sich am folgenden Tage nicht g&#252;nstiger an. Landwind ging. Unter fahlem, bedecktem Himmel lag das Meer in stumpfer Ruhe, verschrumpft gleichsam, mit n&#252;chtern nahem Horizont und so weit vom Strande zur&#252;ckgetreten, da&#223; es mehrere Reihen langer Sandb&#228;nke freilie&#223;. Als Aschenbach sein Fenster &#246;ffnete, glaubte er den fauligen Geruch der Lagune zu sp&#252;ren.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Verstimmung befiel ihn. Schon in diesem Augenblick dachte er an Abreise. Einmal, vor Jahren, hatte nach zwei heiteren Fr&#252;hlingswochen hier dies Wetter ihn heimgesucht und sein Befinden so schwer gesch&#228;digt, da&#223; er Venedig wie ein Fliehender hatte verlassen m&#252;ssen. Stellte nicht schon wieder die fiebrige Unlust von damals, der Druck in den Schl&#228;fen, die Schwere der Augenlider sich ein? Noch einmal den Aufenthalt zu wechseln w&#252;rde l&#228;stig sein; wenn aber der Wind nicht umschlug, so war seines Bleibens hier nicht. Er packte zur Sicherheit nicht v&#246;llig aus. Um neun Uhr fr&#252;hst&#252;ckte er in dem hierf&#252;r vorbehaltenen B&#252;fettzimmer zwischen Halle und Speisesaal.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In dem Raum herrschte die feierliche Stille, die zum Ehrgeiz der gro&#223;en Hotels geh&#246;rt. Die bedienenden Kellner gingen auf leisen Sohlen umher. Ein Klappern des Teeger&#228;tes, ein halbgefl&#252;stertes Wort war alles, was man vernahm. In einem Winkel, schr&#228;g gegen&#252;ber der T&#252;r und zwei Tische von seinem entfernt, bemerkte Aschenbach die polnischen M&#228;dchen mit ihrer Erzieherin. Sehr aufrecht, das aschblonde Haar neu gegl&#228;ttet und mit ger&#246;teten Augen, in steifen blauleinenen Kleidern mit kleinen wei&#223;en Fallkr&#228;gen und Manschetten sa&#223;en sie da und reichten einander ein Glas mit Eingemachtem. Sie waren mit ihrem Fr&#252;hst&#252;ck fast fertig. Der Knabe fehlte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach l&#228;chelte. Nun kleiner Ph&#228;ake! dachte er. Du scheinst vor diesen das Vorrecht beliebigen Ausschlafens zu genie&#223;en. Und pl&#246;tzlich aufgeheitert rezitierte er bei sich selbst den Vers:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#187;Oft ver&#228;nderten Schmuck und warme B&#228;der und Ruhe.&#171;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er fr&#252;hst&#252;ckte ohne Eile, empfing aus der Hand des Portiers, der mit gezogener Tressenm&#252;tze in den Saal kam, einige nachgesandte Post und &#246;ffnete, eine Zigarette rauchend, ein paar Briefe. So geschah es, da&#223; er dem Eintritt des Langschl&#228;fers noch beiwohnte, den man dort dr&#252;ben erwartete.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er kam durch die Glast&#252;r und ging in der Stille schr&#228;g durch den Raum zum Tisch seiner Schwestern. Sein Gehen war sowohl in der Haltung des Oberk&#246;rpers wie in der Bewegung der Kniee, dem Aufsetzen des wei&#223;beschuhten Fu&#223;es von au&#223;erordentlicher Anmut, sehr leicht, zugleich zart und stolz und versch&#246;nt noch durch die kindliche Versch&#228;mtheit, in welcher er zweimal unterwegs, mit einer Kopfwendung in den Saal, die Augen aufschlug und senkte. L&#228;chelnd, mit einem halblauten Wort in seiner weich verschwommenen Sprache nahm er seinen Platz ein, und jetzt zumal, da er dem Schauenden sein genaues Profil zuwandte, erstaunte dieser aufs neue, ja erschrak &#252;ber die wahrhaft gott&#228;hnliche Sch&#246;nheit des Menschenkindes. Der Knabe trug heute einen leichten Blusenanzug aus blau und wei&#223; gestreiftem Waschstoff mit rotseidener Masche auf der Brust und am Halse von einem einfachen wei&#223;en Stehkragen abgeschlossen. Auf diesem Kragen aber, der nicht einmal sonderlich elegant zum Charakter des Anzugs passen wollte, ruhte die Bl&#252;te des Hauptes in unvergleichlichem Liebreiz,&#8212;das Haupt des Eros, vom gelblichen Schmelze parischen Marmors, mit feinen und ernsten Brauen, Schl&#228;fen und Ohr vom rechtwinklig einspringenden Geringel des Haares dunkel und weich bedeckt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gut, gut, dachte Aschenbach mit jener fachm&#228;nnisch k&#252;hlen Billigung, in welche K&#252;nstler zuweilen einem Meisterwerk gegen&#252;ber ihr Entz&#252;cken, ihre Hingerissenheit kleiden. Und weiter dachte er: Wahrhaftig, erwarteten mich nicht Meer und Strand, ich bliebe hier, so lange du bleibst! So aber ging er denn, ging unter den Aufmerksamkeiten des Personals durch die Halle, die gro&#223;e Terrasse hinab und gerade aus &#252;ber den Brettersteg zum abgesperrten Strand der Hotelg&#228;ste. Er lie&#223; sich von dem barf&#252;&#223;igen Alten, der sich in Leinwandhose, Matrosenbluse und Strohhut dort unten als Bademeister t&#228;tig zeigte, die gemietete Strandh&#252;tte zuweisen, lie&#223; Tisch und Sessel hinaus auf die sandig bretterne Plattform stellen und machte sich's bequem in dem Liegestuhl, den er weiter zum Meere hin in den wachsgelben Sand gezogen hatte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Das Strandbild, dieser Anblick sorglos sinnlich genie&#223;ender Kultur am Rande des Elementes, unterhielt und erfreute ihn wie nur je. Schon war die graue und flache See belebt von watenden Kindern, Schwimmern, bunten Gestalten, welche, die Arme unter dem Kopf verschr&#228;nkt, auf den Sandb&#228;nken lagen. Andere ruderten in kleinen rot und blau gestrichenen Booten ohne Kiel und kenterten lachend. Vor der gedehnten Zeile der Capannen, auf deren Plattformen man wie auf kleinen Veranden sa&#223;, gab es spielende Bewegung und tr&#228;g hingestreckte Ruhe, Besuche und Geplauder, sorgf&#228;ltige Morgeneleganz neben der Nacktheit, die keck-behaglich die Freiheiten des Ortes geno&#223;. Vorn auf dem feuchten und festen Sande lustwandelten Einzelne in wei&#223;en Badem&#228;nteln, in weiten, starkfarbigen Hemdgew&#228;ndern. Eine vielf&#228;ltige Sandburg zur Rechten, von Kindern hergestellt, war rings mit kleinen Flaggen in den Farben aller L&#228;nder besteckt. Verk&#228;ufer von Muscheln, Kuchen und Fr&#252;chten breiteten kniend ihre Waren aus. Links, vor einer der H&#252;tten, die quer zur Reihe der &#252;brigen und zum Meere standen und auf dieser Seite einen Abschlu&#223; des Strandes bildeten, kampierte eine russische Familie: M&#228;nner mit B&#228;rten und gro&#223;en Z&#228;hnen, m&#252;rbe und tr&#228;ge Frauen, ein baltisches Fr&#228;ulein, das an einer Staffelei sitzend unter Ausrufen der Verzweiflung das Meer malte, zwei gutm&#252;tig-h&#228;&#223;liche Kinder, eine alte Magd im Kopftuch und mit z&#228;rtlich unterw&#252;rfigen Sklavenmanieren. Dankbar genie&#223;end lebten sie dort, riefen unerm&#252;dlich die Namen der unfolgsam sich tummelnden Kinder, scherzten vermittelst weniger italienischer Worte lange mit dem humoristischen Alten, von dem sie Zuckerwerk kauften, k&#252;&#223;ten einander auf die Wangen und k&#252;mmerten sich um keinen Beobachter ihrer menschlichen Gemeinschaft.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ich will also bleiben, dachte Aschenbach. Wo w&#228;re es besser? Und die H&#228;nde im Scho&#223; gefaltet, lie&#223; er seine Augen sich in den Weiten des Meeres verlieren, seinen Blick entgleiten, verschwimmen, sich brechen im eint&#246;nigen Dunst der Raumesw&#252;ste. Er liebte das Meer aus tiefen Gr&#252;nden: aus dem Ruheverlangen des schwer arbeitenden K&#252;nstlers, der von der anspruchsvollen Vielgestalt der Erscheinungen an der Brust des Einfachen, Ungeheueren sich zu bergen begehrt; aus einem verbotenen, seiner Aufgabe gerade entgegengesetzten und eben darum verf&#252;hrerischen Hange zum Ungegliederten, Ma&#223;losen, Ewigen, zum Nichts. Am Vollkommenen zu ruhen, ist die Sehnsucht dessen, der sich um das Vortreffliche m&#252;ht; und ist nicht das Nichts eine Form des Vollkommenen? Wie er nun aber so tief ins Leere tr&#228;umte, ward pl&#246;tzlich die Horizontale des Ufersaumes von einer menschlichen Gestalt &#252;berschnitten, und als er seinen Blick aus dem Unbegrenzten einholte und sammelte, da war es der sch&#246;ne Knabe, der von links kommend vor ihm im Sande vor&#252;berging. Er ging barfu&#223;, zum Waten bereit, die schlanken Beine bis &#252;ber die Knie entbl&#246;&#223;t, langsam, aber so leicht und stolz, als sei er ohne Schuhwerk sich zu bewegen ganz gew&#246;hnt, und schaute sich nach den querstehenden H&#252;tten um. Kaum aber hatte er die russische Familie bemerkt, die dort in dankbarer Eintracht ihr Wesen trieb, als ein Unwetter zorniger Verachtung sein Gesicht &#252;berzog. Seine Stirn verfinsterte sich, sein Mund ward emporgehoben, von den Lippen nach einer Seite ging ein erbittertes Zerren, da&#223; die Wange zerri&#223;, und seine Brauen waren so schwer gerunzelt, da&#223; unter ihrem Druck die Augen eingesunken schienen und b&#246;se und dunkel darunter hervor die Sprache des Hasses f&#252;hrten. Er blickte zu Boden, blickte noch einmal drohend zur&#252;ck, tat dann mit der Schulter eine heftig wegwerfende Bewegung und lie&#223; die Feinde im R&#252;cken.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Eine Art Zartgef&#252;hl oder Erschrockenheit, etwas wie Achtung und Scham, veranla&#223;te Aschenbach, sich abzuwenden, als ob er nichts gesehen h&#228;tte; denn dem ernsten Zufallsbeobachter der Leidenschaft widerstrebt es, von seinen Wahrnehmungen auch nur vor sich selber Gebrauch zu machen. Er war aber erheitert und ersch&#252;ttert zugleich, das hei&#223;t: begl&#252;ckt. Dieser kindische Fanatismus, gerichtet gegen das gutm&#252;tigste St&#252;ck Leben,&#8212;er stellte das G&#246;ttlich-Nichtssagende in menschliche Beziehungen; er lie&#223; ein kostbares Bildwerk der Natur, das nur zur Augenweide getaugt hatte, einer tieferen Teilnahme wert erscheinen; und er verlieh der ohnehin durch Sch&#246;nheit bedeutenden Gestalt des Halbw&#252;chsigen eine politisch-geschichtliche Folie, die gestattete, ihn &#252;ber seine Jahre ernst zu nehmen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Noch abgewandt, lauschte Aschenbach auf die Stimme des Knaben, seine helle, ein wenig schwache Stimme, mit der er sich von weitem schon den um die Sandburg besch&#228;ftigten Gespielen gr&#252;&#223;end anzuk&#252;ndigen suchte. Man antwortete ihm, indem man ihm seinen Namen oder eine Koseform seines Namens mehrfach entgegenrief, und Aschenbach horchte mit einer gewissen Neugier darauf, ohne Genaueres erfassen zu k&#246;nnen, als zwei melodische Silben wie &#187;Adgio&#171; oder &#246;fter noch &#187;Adgiu&#171; mit rufend gedehntem u-Laut am Ende. Er freute sich des Klanges, er fand ihn in seinem Wohllaut dem Gegenstande angemessen, wiederholte ihn im Stillen und wandte sich befriedigt seinen Briefen und Papieren zu.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seine kleine Reiseschreibmappe auf den Knien, begann er, mit dem F&#252;llfederhalter diese und jene Korrespondenz zu erledigen. Aber nach einer Viertelstunde schon fand er es schade, die Situation, die genie&#223;enswerteste, die er kannte, so im Geist zu verlassen und durch gleichg&#252;ltige T&#228;tigkeit zu vers&#228;umen. Er warf das Schreibzeug beiseite, er kehrte zum Meere zur&#252;ck, und nicht lange, so wandte er, abgelenkt von den Stimmen der Jugend am Sandbau, den Kopf bequem an der Lehne des Stuhles nach rechts, um sich nach dem Treiben und Bleiben des trefflichen Adgio wieder umzutun.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Der erste Blick fand ihn; die rote Masche auf seiner Brust war nicht zu verfehlen. Mit anderen besch&#228;ftigt, eine alte Planke als Br&#252;cke &#252;ber den feuchten Graben der Sandburg zu legen, gab er rufend und mit dem Kopfe winkend seine Anweisungen zu diesem Werk. Es waren da mit ihm ungef&#228;hr zehn Genossen, Knaben und M&#228;dchen, von seinem Alter und einige j&#252;nger, die in Zungen, polnisch, franz&#246;sisch und auch in Balkan-Idiomen durcheinander schwatzten. Aber sein Name war es, der am &#246;ftesten erklang. Offenbar war er begehrt, umworben, bewundert. Einer namentlich, Pole gleich ihm, ein st&#228;mmiger Bursche, der &#228;hnlich wie &#187;Jaschu&#171; gerufen wurde, mit schwarzem, pomadisiertem Haar und leinenem G&#252;rtelanzug, schien sein n&#228;chster Vasall und Freund. Sie gingen, als f&#252;r diesmal die Arbeit am Sandbau beendigt war, umschlungen den Strand entlang, und der, welcher &#187;Jaschu&#171; gerufen wurde, k&#252;&#223;te den Sch&#246;nen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach war versucht, ihm mit dem Finger zu drohen. &#187;Dir aber rat ich Kritobulos&#171;, dachte er l&#228;chelnd, &#187;geh ein Jahr auf Reisen! Denn soviel brauchst du mindestens Zeit zur Genesung.&#171; Und dann fr&#252;hst&#252;ckte er gro&#223;e, vollreife Erdbeeren, die er von einem H&#228;ndler erstand. Es war sehr warm geworden, obgleich die Sonne die Dunstschicht des Himmels nicht zu durchdringen vermochte. Tr&#228;gheit fesselte den Geist, indes die Sinne die ungeheure und bet&#228;ubende Unterhaltung der Meeresstille genossen. Zu erraten, zu erforschen, welcher Name es sei, der ungef&#228;hr &#187;Adgio&#171; lautete, schien dem ernsten Mann eine angemessene, vollkommen ausf&#252;llende Aufgabe und Besch&#228;ftigung. Und mit Hilfe einiger polnischer Erinnerungen stellte er fest, da&#223; &#187;Tadzio&#171; gemeint sein m&#252;sse, die Abk&#252;rzung von &#187;Tadeusz&#171; und im Anrufe &#187;Tadziu&#171; lautend. Tadzio badete. Aschenbach, der ihn aus den Augen verloren hatte, entdeckte seinen Kopf, seinen Arm, mit dem er rudernd ausholte, weit drau&#223;en im Meer; denn das Meer mochte flach sein bis weit hinaus. Aber schon schien man besorgt um ihn, schon riefen Frauenstimmen nach ihm von den H&#252;tten, stie&#223;en wiederum diesen Namen aus, der den Strand beinahe wie eine Losung beherrschte und mit seinen weichen Mitlauten, seinem gezogenen u-Ruf am Ende, etwas zugleich S&#252;&#223;es und Wildes hatte: &#187;Tadziu, Tadziu!&#171; Er gehorchte, er lief, das widerstrebende Wasser mit den Beinen zu Schaum schlagend, zur&#252;ckgeworfenen Kopfes durch die Flut; und zu sehen, wie die lebendige Gestalt, vorm&#228;nnlich hold und herb, mit triefenden Locken und sch&#246;n wie ein zarter Gott, herkommend aus den Tiefen von Himmel und Meer, dem Elemente entstieg und entrann: Dieser Anblick gab mythische Vorstellungen ein, er war wie Dichterkunde von anf&#228;nglichen Zeiten, vom Ursprung der Form und von der Geburt der G&#246;tter. Aschenbach lauschte mit geschlossenen Augen auf diesen in seinem Innern ant&#246;nenden Gesang; und abermals dachte er, da&#223; es hier gut sei und da&#223; er bleiben wolle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sp&#228;ter lag Tadzio, vom Bade ausruhend, im Sande, geh&#252;llt in sein wei&#223;es Laken, das unter der rechten Schulter durchgezogen war, den Kopf auf den blo&#223;en Arm gebettet; und auch wenn Aschenbach ihn nicht betrachtete, sondern einige Seiten in seinem Buche las, verga&#223; er fast niemals, da&#223; jener dort lag und da&#223; es ihn nur eine leichte Wendung des Kopfes nach rechts kostete, um das Bewunderungsw&#252;rdige zu erblicken. Beinahe schien es ihm, als s&#228;&#223;e er hier, um den Ruhenden zu beh&#252;ten,&#8212;mit eigenen Angelegenheiten besch&#228;ftigt und dabei doch in best&#228;ndiger Wachsamkeit f&#252;r das edle Menschenbild dort zur Rechten, nicht weit von ihm. Und eine v&#228;terliche Huld, die ger&#252;hrte Hinneigung dessen, der sich opfernd im Geiste das Sch&#246;ne zeugt, zu dem, der die Sch&#246;nheit hat, erf&#252;llte und bewegte sein Herz.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nach Mittag verlie&#223; er den Strand, kehrte ins Hotel zur&#252;ck und lie&#223; sich hinauf vor sein Zimmer fahren. Er verweilte dort drinnen l&#228;ngere Zeit vor dem Spiegel und betrachtete sein graues Haar, sein m&#252;des und scharfes Gesicht. In diesem Augenblick dachte er an seinen Ruhm und daran, da&#223; Viele ihn auf den Stra&#223;en kannten und ehrerbietig betrachteten, um seines sicher treffenden und mit Anmut gekr&#246;nten Wortes willen,&#8212;rief alle, &#228;u&#223;eren Erfolge seines Talentes auf, die ihm irgend einfallen wollten und gedachte sogar seiner Nobilitierung. Er begab sich dann zum Lunch hinab in den Saal und speiste an seinem Tischchen. Als er nach beendeter Mahlzeit den Lift bestieg, dr&#228;ngte junges Volk, das gleichfalls vom Fr&#252;hst&#252;ck kam, ihm nach in das schwebende K&#228;mmerchen, und auch Tadzio trat ein. Er stand ganz nahe bei Aschenbach, zum ersten Male so nah, da&#223; dieser ihn nicht in bildm&#228;&#223;igem Abstand, sondern genau, mit den Einzelheiten seiner Menschlichkeit wahrnahm und erkannte. Der Knabe ward angeredet von irgend jemandem, und w&#228;hrend er mit unbeschreiblich lieblichem L&#228;cheln antwortete, trat er schon wieder aus, im ersten Stockwerk, r&#252;ckw&#228;rts, mit niedergeschlagenen Augen. Sch&#246;nheit macht schamhaft, dachte Aschenbach und bedachte sehr eindringlich, warum. Er hatte jedoch bemerkt, da&#223; Tadzios Z&#228;hne nicht recht erfreulich waren: etwas zackig und bla&#223;, ohne den Schmelz der Gesundheit und von eigent&#252;mlich spr&#246;der Durchsichtigkeit wie zuweilen bei Bleichs&#252;chtigen. Er ist sehr zart, er ist kr&#228;nklich, dachte Aschenbach. Er wird wahrscheinlich nicht alt werden. Und er verzichtete darauf, sich Rechenschaft &#252;ber ein Gef&#252;hl der Genugtuung oder Beruhigung zu geben, das diesen Gedanken begleitete.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er verbrachte zwei Stunden auf seinem Zimmer und fuhr am Nachmittag mit dem Vaporetto &#252;ber die faulriechende Lagune nach Venedig. Er stieg aus bei San Marco, nahm den Tee auf dem Platze und trat dann, seiner hiesigen Tagesordnung gem&#228;&#223;, einen Spaziergang durch die Stra&#223;en an. Es war jedoch dieser Gang, der einen v&#246;lligen Umschwung seiner Stimmung, seiner Entschl&#252;sse herbeif&#252;hrte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Eine widerliche Schw&#252;le lag in den Gassen, die Luft war so dick, da&#223; die Ger&#252;che, die aus Wohnungen, L&#228;den, Gark&#252;chen quollen, &#214;ldunst, Wolken von Parf&#252;m und viele andere in Schwaden standen, ohne sich zu zerstreuen. Zigarettenrauch hing an seinem Orte und entwich nur langsam. Das Menschengeschiebe in der Enge bel&#228;stigte den Spazierg&#228;nger, statt ihn zu unterhalten. Je l&#228;nger er ging, desto qu&#228;lender bem&#228;chtigte sich seiner der abscheuliche Zustand, den die Seeluft zusammen mit dem Scirocco hervorbringen kann, und der zugleich Erregung und Erschlaffung ist. Peinlicher Schwei&#223; brach ihm aus. Die Augen versagten den Dienst, die Brust war beklommen, er fieberte, das Blut pochte im Kopf. Er floh aus den drangvollen Gesch&#228;ftsgassen &#252;ber Br&#252;cken in die G&#228;nge der Armen: dort behelligten ihn Bettler, und die &#252;blen Ausd&#252;nstungen der Kan&#228;le verleideten das Atmen. Auf stillem Platz, einer jener vergessen und verwunschen anmutenden &#214;rtlichkeiten, die sich im Innern Venedigs finden, am Rande eines Brunnens rastend, trocknete er die Stirn und sah ein, da&#223; er reisen m&#252;sse.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Zum zweitenmal und nun endg&#252;ltig war es erwiesen, da&#223; diese Stadt bei dieser Witterung ihm h&#246;chst sch&#228;dlich war. Eigensinniges Ausharren erschien vernunftwidrig, die Aussicht auf ein Umschlagen des Windes ganz ungewi&#223;. Es galt rasche Entscheidung. Schon jetzt nach Hause zur&#252;ckzukehren, verbot sich. Weder Sommer-noch Winterquartier war bereit, ihn aufzunehmen. Aber nicht nur hier gab es Meer und Strand, und anderw&#228;rts fanden sie sich ohne die b&#246;se Zutat der Lagune und ihres Fieberdunstes. Er erinnerte sich eines kleinen Seebades nicht weit von Triest, das man ihm r&#252;hmlich genannt hatte. Warum nicht dorthin? Und zwar ohne Verzug, damit der abermalige Aufenthaltswechsel sich noch lohne. Er erkl&#228;rte sich f&#252;r entschlossen und stand auf. Am n&#228;chsten Gondelhalteplatz nahm er ein Fahrzeug und lie&#223; sich durch das tr&#252;be Labyrinth der Kan&#228;le, unter zierlichen Marmorbalkonen hin, die von L&#246;wenbildern flankiert waren, um glitschige Mauerecken, vorbei an trauernden Palastfassaden, die gro&#223;e Firmenschilder im Abfall schaukelnden Wasser spiegelten, nach San Marco leiten. Er hatte M&#252;he, dorthin zu gelangen, denn der Gondolier, der mit Spitzenfabriken und Glasbl&#228;sereien im Bunde stand, versuchte &#252;berall, ihn zu Besichtigung und Einkauf abzusetzen, und wenn die bizarre Fahrt durch Venedig ihren Zauber zu &#252;ben begann, so tat der beutelschneiderische Gesch&#228;ftsgeist der gesunkenen K&#246;nigin das seine, den Sinn wieder verdrie&#223;lich zu ern&#252;chtern.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ins Hotel zur&#252;ckgekehrt, gab er noch vor dem Diner im Bureau die Erkl&#228;rung ab, da&#223; unvorhergesehene Umst&#228;nde ihn n&#246;tigten, morgen fr&#252;h abzureisen. Man bedauerte, man quittierte seine Rechnung. Er speiste und verbrachte den lauen Abend, Journale lesend, in einem Schaukelstuhl auf der r&#252;ckw&#228;rtigen Terrasse. Bevor er zur Ruhe ging, machte er sein Gep&#228;ck vollkommen zur Abreise fertig.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er schlief nicht zum besten, da der bevorstehende Wiederaufbruch ihn beunruhigte. Als er am Morgen die Fenster &#246;ffnete, war der Himmel bezogen nach wie vor, aber die Luft schien frischer, und&#8212;es begann auch schon seine Reue. War diese K&#252;ndigung nicht &#252;berst&#252;rzt und irrt&#252;mlich, die Handlung eines kranken und unma&#223;geblichen Zustandes gewesen? H&#228;tte er sie ein wenig zur&#252;ckbehalten, h&#228;tte er es, ohne so rasch zu verzagen, auf den Versuch einer Anpassung an die venezianische Luft oder auf Besserung des Wetters ankommen lassen, so stand ihm jetzt, statt Hast und Last, ein Vormittag am Strande gleich dem gestrigen bevor. Zu sp&#228;t. Nun mu&#223;te er fortfahren, zu wollen, was er gestern gewollt hatte. Er kleidete sich an und fuhr um acht Uhr zum Fr&#252;hst&#252;ck ins Erdgescho&#223; hinab.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Der B&#252;fettraum war, als er eintrat, noch leer von G&#228;sten. Einzelne kamen, w&#228;hrend er sa&#223; und das Bestellte erwartete. Die Teetasse am Munde, sah er die polnischen M&#228;dchen nebst ihrer Begleiterin sich einfinden; streng und morgenfrisch, mit ger&#246;teten Augen schritten sie zu ihrem Tisch in der Fensterecke. Gleich darauf n&#228;herte sich ihm der Portier mit gezogener M&#252;tze und mahnte zum Aufbruch. Das Automobil stehe bereit, ihn und andere Reisende nach dem Hotel &#034;Excelsior&#034; zu bringen, von wo das Motorboot die Herrschaften durch den Privatkanal der Gesellschaft zum Bahnhof bef&#246;rdern werde. Die Zeit dr&#228;nge. &#8212;Aschenbach fand, da&#223; sie das nicht im mindesten tue. Mehr als eine Stunde blieb bis zur Abfahrt seines Zuges. Er &#228;rgerte sich an der Gasthofsitte, den Abreisenden vorzeitig aus dem Hause zu schaffen und bedeutete dem Portier, da&#223; er in Ruhe zu fr&#252;hst&#252;cken w&#252;nsche. Der Mann zog sich z&#246;gernd zur&#252;ck, um nach f&#252;nf Minuten wieder aufzutreten. Unm&#246;glich, da&#223; der Wagen l&#228;nger warte. Dann m&#246;ge er fahren und seinen Koffer mitnehmen, entgegnete Aschenbach gereizt. Er selbst wolle zur gegebenen Zeit das &#246;ffentliche Dampfboot benutzen und bitte, die Sorge um sein Fortkommen ihm selber zu &#252;berlassen. Der Angestellte verbeugte sich. Aschenbach, froh, die l&#228;stigen Mahnungen abgewehrt zu haben, beendete seinen Imbi&#223; ohne Eile, ja lie&#223; sich sogar noch vom Kellner Tagesbl&#228;tter reichen. Die Zeit war recht knapp geworden, als er aufstand. Es f&#252;gte sich, da&#223; im selben Augenblick Tadzio durch die Glast&#252;r hereinkam.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er kreuzte, zum Tische der Seinen gehend, den Weg des Aufbrechenden, schlug vor dem grauhaarigen, hochgestirnten Mann bescheiden die Augen nieder, um sie nach seiner lieblichen Art sogleich wieder weich und voll zu ihm aufzuschlagen und war vor&#252;ber. Adieu, Tadzio! dachte Aschenbach. Ich sah dich kurz. Und indem er gegen seine Gewohnheit das Gedachte wirklich mit den Lippen ausbildete und vor sich hinsprach, f&#252;gte er hinzu: Sei gesegnet!&#8212;Er hielt dann Abreise, verteilte Trinkgelder, ward von dem kleinen leisen Manager im franz&#246;sischen Gehrock verabschiedet und verlie&#223; das Hotel zu Fu&#223;, wie er gekommen, um sich, gefolgt von dem Handgep&#228;ck tragenden Hausdiener, durch die wei&#223; bl&#252;hende Allee quer &#252;ber die Insel zur Dampferbr&#252;cke zu begeben. Er erreicht sie, er nimmt Platz,&#8212;und was folgte, war eine Leidensfahrt, kummervoll, durch alle Tiefen der Reue.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Es war die vertraute Fahrt &#252;ber die Lagune, an San Marco vorbei, den gro&#223;en Kanal hinauf. Aschenbach sa&#223; auf der Rundbank am Buge, den Arm aufs Gel&#228;nder gest&#252;tzt, mit der Hand die Augen beschattend. Die &#246;ffentlichen G&#228;rten blieben zur&#252;ck, die Piazzetta er&#246;ffnete sich noch einmal in f&#252;rstlicher Anmut und ward verlassen, es kam die gro&#223;e Flucht der Pal&#228;ste, und als die Wasserstra&#223;e sich wendete, erschien des Rialto pr&#228;chtig gespannter Marmorbogen. Der Abschiednehmende schaute, und seine Brust war zerrissen. Die Atmosph&#228;re der Stadt, diesen leis fauligen Geruch von Meer und Sumpf, den zu fliehen es ihn so sehr gedr&#228;ngt hatte,&#8212;er atmete ihn jetzt in tiefen, z&#228;rtlich schmerzlichen Z&#252;gen. War es m&#246;glich, da&#223; er nicht gewu&#223;t, nicht bedacht hatte, wie sehr sein Herz an dem allen hing? Was heute morgen ein halbes Bedauern, ein leiser Zweifel an der Richtigkeit seines Tuns gewesen war, das wurde jetzt zum Harm, zum wirklichen Weh, zu einer Seelennot, so bitter, da&#223; sie ihm mehrmals Tr&#228;nen in die Augen trieb, und von der er sich sagte, da&#223; er sie unm&#246;glich habe vorhersehen k&#246;nnen. Was er als so schwer ertr&#228;glich, ja, zuweilen als v&#246;llig unleidlich empfand, war offenbar der Gedanke, da&#223; er Venedig nie wieder sehen solle, da&#223; dies ein Abschied f&#252;r immer sei. Denn da sich zum zweiten Male gezeigt hatte, da&#223; die Stadt ihn krank mache, da er sie zum zweiten Male j&#228;h zu verlassen gezwungen war, so hatte er sie ja fortan als einen ihm unm&#246;glichen und verbotenen Aufenthalt zu betrachten, dem er nicht gewachsen war und den wieder aufzusuchen sinnlos gewesen w&#228;re. Ja, er empfand, da&#223;, wenn er jetzt abreise, Scham und Trotz ihn hindern m&#252;&#223;ten, die geliebte Stadt je wieder zu sehen, der gegen&#252;ber er zweimal k&#246;rperlich versagt hatte; und dieser Streitfall zwischen seelischer Neigung und k&#246;rperlichem Verm&#246;gen schien dem Alternden auf einmal so schwer und wichtig, die physische Niederlage so schm&#228;hlich, so um jeden Preis hintanzuhalten, da&#223; er die leichtfertige Ergebung nicht begriff, mit welcher er gestern, ohne ernstlichen Kampf, sie zu tragen und anzuerkennen beschlossen hatte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Unterdessen n&#228;hert sich das Dampfboot dem Bahnhof, und Schmerz und Ratlosigkeit steigen bis zur Verwirrung. Die Abreise d&#252;nkt dem Gequ&#228;lten unm&#246;glich, die Umkehr nicht minder. So ganz zerrissen betritt er die Station. Es ist sehr sp&#228;t, er hat keinen Augenblick zu verlieren, wenn er den Zug erreichen will. Er will es und will es nicht. Aber die Zeit dr&#228;ngt, sie gei&#223;elt ihn vorw&#228;rts; er eilt, sich sein Billett zu verschaffen und sieht sich im Tumult der Halle nach dem hier stationierten Beamten der Hotelgesellschaft um. Der Mensch zeigt sich und meldet, der gro&#223;e Koffer sei aufgegeben. Schon aufgegeben? Ja, bestens,&#8212;nach Como. Nach Como? Und aus einem hastigen Hin und Her, aus zornigen Fragen und betretenen Antworten kommt zu Tage, da&#223; der Koffer, schon im Gep&#228;ckbef&#246;rderungs-Amt des Hotels &#187;Excelsior&#171; zusammen mit anderer, fremder Bagage, in v&#246;llig falsche Richtung geleitet wurde.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach hatte M&#252;he, die Miene zu bewahren, die unter diesen Umst&#228;nden einzig begreiflich war. Eine abenteuerliche Freude, eine unglaubliche Heiterkeit ersch&#252;tterte von innen fast krampfhaft seine Brust. Der Angestellte st&#252;rzte davon, um m&#246;glicherweise den Koffer noch anzuhalten und kehrte, wie zu erwarten gewesen, unverrichteter Dinge zur&#252;ck. Da erkl&#228;rte denn Aschenbach, da&#223; er ohne sein Gep&#228;ck nicht zu reisen w&#252;nsche, sondern umzukehren und das Wiedereintreffen des St&#252;ckes im B&#228;derhotel zu erwarten entschlossen sei. Ob das Motorboot der Gesellschaft am Bahnhof liege. Der Mann beteuerte, es liege vor der T&#252;r. Er bestimmte in italienischer Suade den Schalterbeamten, den gel&#246;sten Fahrschein zur&#252;ckzunehmen, er schwor, da&#223; depeschiert werden, da&#223; nichts gespart und vers&#228;umt werden solle, um den Koffer in B&#228;lde zur&#252;ckzugewinnen, und&#8212;so fand das Seltsame statt, da&#223; der Reisende, zwanzig Minuten nach seiner Ankunft am Bahnhof, sich wieder im Gro&#223;en Kanal auf dem R&#252;ckweg zum Lido sah.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Wunderlich unglaubhaftes, besch&#228;mendes, komisch traumartiges Abenteuer: St&#228;tten, von denen man eben in tiefster Wehmut Abschied auf immer genommen, vom Schicksal umgewandt und zur&#252;ckverschlagen, in derselben Stunde noch wiederzusehen! Schaum vor dem Buge, drollig behend zwischen Gondeln und Dampfern lavierend, scho&#223; das kleine, eilfertige Fahrzeug seinem Ziele zu, indes sein Passagier unter der Maske &#228;rgerlicher Resignation die &#228;ngstlich-&#252;berm&#252;tige Erregung eines entlaufenen Knaben verbarg. Noch immer, von Zeit zu Zeit, ward seine Brust bewegt von Lachen &#252;ber dies Mi&#223;geschick, das, wie er sich sagte, ein Sonntagskind nicht gef&#228;lliger h&#228;tte heimsuchen k&#246;nnen. Es waren Erkl&#228;rungen zu geben, erstaunte Gesichter zu bestehen,&#8212;dann war, so sagte er sich, alles wieder gut, dann war ein Ungl&#252;ck verh&#252;tet, ein schwerer Irrtum richtig gestellt, und alles, was er im R&#252;cken zu lassen geglaubt hatte, er&#246;ffnete sich ihm wieder, war auf beliebige Zeit wieder sein&#8230; T&#228;uschte ihn &#252;brigens die rasche Fahrt oder kam wirklich zum &#220;berflu&#223; der Wind nun dennoch vom Meere her?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Die Wellen schlugen gegen die betonierten W&#228;nde des schmalen Kanals, der durch die Insel zum Hotel &#187;Excelsior&#171; gelegt ist. Ein automobiler Omnibus erwartete dort den Wiederkehrenden und f&#252;hrte ihn oberhalb des gekr&#228;uselten Meeres auf geradem Wege zum B&#228;der-Hotel. Der kleine schnurrb&#228;rtige Manager im geschweiften Gehrock kam zur Begr&#252;&#223;ung die Freitreppe herab.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Leise schmeichelnd bedauerte er den Zwischenfall, nannte ihn &#228;u&#223;erst peinlich f&#252;r ihn und das Institut, billigte aber mit &#220;berzeugung Aschenbachs Entschlu&#223;, das Gep&#228;ckst&#252;ck hier zu erwarten. Freilich sei sein Zimmer vergeben, ein anderes jedoch, nicht schlechter, sogleich zur Verf&#252;gung. &#187;Pas de chance, monsieur&#171;, sagte der schweizerische Liftf&#252;hrer l&#228;chelnd, als man hinaufglitt. Und so wurde der Fl&#252;chtling wieder einquartiert, in einem Zimmer, das dem vorigen nach Lage und Einrichtung fast vollkommen glich.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Erm&#252;det, bet&#228;ubt von dem Wirbel dieses seltsamen Vormittags, lie&#223; er sich, nachdem er den Inhalt seiner Handtasche im Zimmer verteilt, in einem Lehnstuhl am offenen Fenster nieder. Das Meer hatte eine bla&#223;gr&#252;ne F&#228;rbung angenommen, die Luft schien d&#252;nner und reiner, der Strand mit seinen H&#252;tten und Booten farbiger, obgleich der Himmel noch grau war. Aschenbach blickte hinaus, die H&#228;nde im Scho&#223; gefaltet, zufrieden, wieder hier zu sein, kopfsch&#252;ttelnd unzufrieden &#252;ber seinen Wankelmut, seine Unkenntnis der eigenen W&#252;nsche. So sa&#223; er wohl eine Stunde, ruhend und gedankenlos tr&#228;umend. Um Mittag erblickte er Tadzio, der in gestreiftem Leinenanzug mit roter Masche, vom Meere her, durch die Strandsperre und die Bretterwege entlang zum Hotel zur&#252;ckkehrte. Aschenbach erkannte ihn aus seiner H&#246;he sofort, bevor er ihn eigentlich ins Auge gefa&#223;t, und wollte etwas denken, wie: &#187;Sieh, Tadzio, da bist ja auch du wieder!&#171; Aber im gleichen Augenblick f&#252;hlte er, wie der l&#228;ssige Gru&#223; vor der Wahrheit seines Herzens hinsank und verstummte,&#8212;f&#252;hlte die Begeisterung seines Blutes, die Freude, den Schmerz seiner Seele und erkannte, da&#223; ihm um Tadzios willen der Abschied so schwer geworden war.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er sa&#223; ganz still, ganz ungesehen an seinem hohen Platze und blickte in sich hinein. Seine Z&#252;ge waren erwacht, seine Brauen stiegen, ein aufmerksames, neugierig geistreiches L&#228;cheln spannte seinen Mund. Dann hob er den Kopf und beschrieb mit beiden, schlaff &#252;ber die Lehne des Sessels hinabh&#228;ngenden Armen eine langsam drehende und hebende Bewegung, die Handfl&#228;chen vorw&#228;rts kehrend, so, als deute er ein &#214;ffnen und Ausbreiten der Arme an. Es war eine bereitwillig willkommen hei&#223;ende, gelassen aufnehmende Geb&#228;rde.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Viertes Kapitel&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Nun lenkte Tag f&#252;r Tag der Gott mit den hitzigen Wangen nackend sein gluthauchendes Viergespann durch die R&#228;ume des Himmels und sein gelbes Gelock flatterte im zugleich ausst&#252;rmenden Ostwind. Wei&#223;lich seidiger Glanz lag auf den Weiten des tr&#228;ge wallenden Pontos. Der Sand gl&#252;hte. Unter der silbrig flirrenden Bl&#228;ue des &#196;thers waren rostfarbene Segelt&#252;cher vor den Strandh&#252;tten ausgespannt, und auf dem scharf umgrenzten Schattenfleck, den sie boten, verbrachte man die Vormittagsstunden. Aber k&#246;stlich war auch der Abend, wenn die Pflanzen des Parks balsamisch dufteten, die Gestirne droben ihren Reigen schritten und das Murmeln des umnachteten Meeres, leise heraufdringend, die Seele besprach. Solch ein Abend trug in sich die freudige Gew&#228;hr eines neuen Sonnentages von leicht geordneter Mu&#223;e und geschm&#252;ckt mit zahllosen, dicht beieinander liegenden M&#246;glichkeiten lieblichen Zufalls.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Der Gast, den ein so gef&#252;giges Mi&#223;geschick hier festgehalten, war weit entfernt, in der R&#252;ckgewinnung seiner Habe einen Grund zu erneutem Aufbruch zu sehen. Er hatte zwei Tage lang einige Entbehrung dulden und zu den Mahlzeiten im gro&#223;en Speisesaal im Reiseanzug erscheinen m&#252;ssen. Dann, als man endlich die verirrte Last wieder in seinem Zimmer niedersetzte, packte er gr&#252;ndlich aus und f&#252;llte Schrank und Schubf&#228;cher mit dem Seinen, entschlossen zu vorl&#228;ufig unabsehbarem Verweilen, vergn&#252;gt, die Stunden des Strandes in seidenem Anzug verbringen und beim Diner sich wieder in schicklicher Abendtracht an seinem Tischchen zeigen zu k&#246;nnen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Der wohlige Gleichtakt dieses Daseins hatte ihn schon in seinen Bann gezogen, die weiche und gl&#228;nzende Milde dieser Lebensf&#252;hrung ihn rasch ber&#252;ckt. Welch ein Aufenthalt in der Tat, der die Reize eines gepflegten Badelebens an s&#252;dlichem Strande mit der traulich bereiten N&#228;he der wunderlich-wundersamen Stadt verbindet! Aschenbach liebte nicht den Genu&#223;. Wann immer und wo es galt, zu feiern, der Ruhe zu pflegen, sich gute Tage zu machen, verlangte ihn bald&#8212;und namentlich in j&#252;ngeren Jahren war dies so gewesen&#8212;mit Unruhe und Widerwillen zur&#252;ck in die hohe M&#252;hsal, den heilig n&#252;chternen Dienst seines Alltags. Nur dieser Ort verzauberte ihn, entspannte sein Wollen, machte ihn gl&#252;cklich. Manchmal vormittags, unter dem Schattentuch seiner H&#252;tte, hintr&#228;umend &#252;ber die Bl&#228;ue des S&#252;dmeers, oder bei lauer Nacht auch wohl, gelehnt in die Kissen der Gondel, die ihn vom Markusplatz, wo er sich lange verweilt, unter dem gro&#223; gestirnten Himmel heimw&#228;rts zum Lido f&#252;hrte&#8212;und die bunten Lichter, die schmelzenden Kl&#228;nge der Serenade blieben zur&#252;ck,&#8212;erinnerte er sich seines Landsitzes in den Bergen, der St&#228;tte seines sommerlichen Ringens, wo die Wolken tief durch den Garten zogen, f&#252;rchterliche Gewitter am Abend das Licht des Hauses l&#246;schten und die Raben, die er f&#252;tterte, sich in den Wipfeln der Fichten schwangen. Dann schien es ihm wohl, als sei er entr&#252;ckt ins elysische Land, an die Grenzen der Erde, wo leichtestes Leben den Menschen beschert ist, wo nicht Schnee ist und Winter noch Sturm und str&#246;mender Regen, sondern immer sanft k&#252;hlenden Anhauch Okeanos aufsteigen l&#228;&#223;t und in seliger Mu&#223;e die Tage verrinnen, m&#252;helos, kampflos und ganz nur der Sonne und ihren Festen geweiht.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Viel, fast best&#228;ndig sah Aschenbach den Knaben Tadzio; ein beschr&#228;nkter Raum, eine jedem gegebene Lebensordnung brachten es mit sich, da&#223; der Sch&#246;ne ihm tag&#252;ber mit kurzen Unterbrechungen nahe war. Er sah, er traf ihn &#252;berall: in den unteren R&#228;umen des Hotels, auf den k&#252;hlenden Wasserfahrten zur Stadt und von dort zur&#252;ck, im Gepr&#228;nge des Platzes selbst und oft noch zwischenein auf Wegen und Stegen, wenn der Zufall ein &#220;briges tat. Haupts&#228;chlich aber und mit der gl&#252;cklichsten Regelm&#228;&#223;igkeit bot ihm der Vormittag am Strande ausgedehnte Gelegenheit, der holden Erscheinung Andacht und Studium zu widmen. Ja, diese Gebundenheit des Gl&#252;ckes, diese t&#228;glich-gleichm&#228;&#223;ig wieder anbrechende Gunst der Umst&#228;nde war es so recht, was ihn mit Zufriedenheit und Lebensfreude erf&#252;llte, was ihm den Aufenthalt teuer machte und einen Sonnentag so gef&#228;llig hinhaltend sich an den anderen reihen lie&#223;.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er war fr&#252;h auf, wie sonst wohl bei pochendem Arbeitsdrange, und vor den meisten am Strand, wenn die Sonne noch milde war und das Meer wei&#223; blendend in Morgentr&#228;umen lag. Er gr&#252;&#223;te menschenfreundlich den W&#228;chter der Sperre, gr&#252;&#223;te auch vertraulich den barf&#252;&#223;igen Wei&#223;bart, der ihm die St&#228;tte bereitet, das braune Schattentuch ausgespannt, die M&#246;bel der H&#252;tte hinaus auf die Plattform ger&#252;ckt hatte, und lie&#223; sich nieder. Drei Stunden oder vier waren dann sein, in denen die Sonne zur H&#246;he stieg und furchtbare Macht gewann, in denen das Meer tiefer und tiefer blaute und in denen er Tadzio sehen durfte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er sah ihn kommen, von links, am Rande des Meeres daher, sah ihn von r&#252;ckw&#228;rts zwischen den H&#252;tten hervortreten oder fand auch wohl pl&#246;tzlich und nicht ohne ein frohes Erschrecken, da&#223; er sein Kommen vers&#228;umt und da&#223; er schon da war, schon in dem blau und wei&#223;en Badeanzug, der jetzt am Strand seine einzige Kleidung war, sein gewohntes Treiben in Sonne und Sand wieder aufgenommen hatte,&#8212;dies lieblich nichtige, m&#252;&#223;ig unstete Leben, das Spiel war und Ruhe, ein Schlendern, Waten, Graben, Haschen, Lagern und Schwimmen, bewacht, berufen von den Frauen auf der Plattform, die mit Kopfstimmen seinen Namen ert&#246;nen lie&#223;en: &#187;Tadziu! Tadziu!&#171; und zu denen er mit eifrigem Geb&#228;rdenspiel gelaufen kam, ihnen zu erz&#228;hlen, was er erlebt, ihnen zu zeigen, was er gefunden, gefangen: Muscheln, Seepferdchen, Quallen und seitlich laufende Krebse. Aschenbach verstand nicht ein Wort von dem, was er sagte, und mochte es das Allt&#228;glichste sein, es war verschwommener Wohllaut in seinem Ohr. So erhob Fremdheit des Knaben Rede zur Musik, eine &#252;berm&#252;tige Sonne go&#223; verschwenderischen Glanz &#252;ber ihn aus, und die erhabene Tiefsicht des Meeres war immer seiner Erscheinung Folie und Hintergrund.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Bald kannte der Betrachtende jede Linie und Pose dieses so gehobenen, so frei sich darstellenden K&#246;rpers, begr&#252;&#223;te freudig jede schon vertraute Sch&#246;nheit aufs Neue und fand der Bewunderung, der zarten Sinneslust kein Ende. Man rief den Knaben, einen Gast zu begr&#252;&#223;en, der den Frauen bei der H&#252;tte aufwartete; er lief herbei, lief na&#223; vielleicht aus der Flut, er warf die Locken, und indem er die Hand reichte, auf einem Beine ruhend, den anderen Fu&#223; auf die Zehenspitzen gestellt, hatte er eine reizende Drehung und Wendung des K&#246;rpers, anmutig spannungsvoll, versch&#228;mt aus Liebensw&#252;rdigkeit, gefalls&#252;chtig aus adeliger Pflicht. Er lag ausgestreckt, das Badetuch um die Brust geschlungen, den zart gemei&#223;elten Arm in den Sand gest&#252;tzt, das Kinn in der hohlen Hand; der, welcher &#187;Jaschu&#171; gerufen wurde, sa&#223; kauernd bei ihm und tat ihm sch&#246;n, und nichts konnte bezaubernder sein, als das L&#228;cheln der Augen und Lippen, mit dem der Ausgezeichnete zu dem Geringeren, Dienenden aufblickte. Er stand am Rande der See, allein, abseits von den Seinen, ganz nahe bei Aschenbach,&#8212;aufrecht, die H&#228;nde im Nacken verschlungen, langsam sich auf den Fu&#223;ballen schaukelnd, und tr&#228;umte ins Blaue, w&#228;hrend kleine Wellen, die anliefen, seine Zehen badeten. Sein honigfarbenes Haar schmiegte sich in Ringeln an die Schl&#228;fen und in den Nacken, die Sonne erleuchtete den Flaum des oberen R&#252;ckgrates, die feine Zeichnung der Rippen, das Gleichma&#223; der Brust traten durch die knappe Umh&#252;llung des Rumpfes hervor, seine Achselh&#246;hlen waren noch glatt wie bei einer Statue, seine Kniekehlen gl&#228;nzten, und ihr bl&#228;uliches Ge&#228;der lie&#223; seinen K&#246;rper wie aus klarerem Stoffe gebildet erscheinen. Welch eine Zucht, welche Pr&#228;zision des Gedankens war ausgedr&#252;ckt in diesem gestreckten und jugendlich vollkommenen Leibe! Der strenge und reine Wille jedoch, der, dunkel t&#228;tig, dies g&#246;ttliche Bildwerk ans Licht zu treiben vermocht hatte,&#8212;war er nicht ihm, dem K&#252;nstler, bekannt und vertraut? Wirkte er nicht auch in ihm, wenn er, besonnener Leidenschaft voll, aus der Marmormasse der Sprache die schlanke Form befreite, die er im Geiste geschaut und die er als Standbild und Spiegel geistiger Sch&#246;nheit den Menschen darstellte?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Standbild und Spiegel! Seine Augen umfa&#223;ten die edle Gestalt dort am Rande des Blauen, und in aufschw&#228;rmendem Entz&#252;cken glaubte er mit diesem Blick das Sch&#246;ne selbst zu begreifen, die Form als Gottesgedanken, die eine und reine Vollkommenheit, die im Geiste lebt und von der ein menschliches Abbild und Gleichnis hier leicht und hold zur Anbetung aufgerichtet war. Das war der Rausch; und unbedenklich, ja gierig, hie&#223; der alternde K&#252;nstler ihn willkommen. Sein Geist kreiste, seine Bildung geriet ins Wallen, sein Ged&#228;chtnis warf uralte, seiner Jugend &#252;berlieferte und bis dahin niemals von eigenem Feuer belebte Gedanken auf. Stand nicht geschrieben, da&#223; die Sonne unsere Aufmerksamkeit von den intellektuellen auf die sinnlichen Dinge wendet? Sie bet&#228;ube und bezaubere, hie&#223; es, Verstand und Ged&#228;chtnis, dergestalt, da&#223; die Seele vor Vergn&#252;gen ihres eigentlichen Zustandes ganz vergesse und mit staunender Bewunderung an dem sch&#246;nsten der besonnten Gegenst&#228;nde h&#228;ngen bleibe: ja, nur mit H&#252;lfe eines K&#246;rpers verm&#246;ge sie dann noch zu h&#246;herer Betrachtung sich zu erheben. Amor f&#252;rwahr tat es den Mathematikern gleich, die unf&#228;higen Kindern greifbare Bilder der reinen Formen vorzeigen: So auch bediente der Gott sich, um uns das Geistige sichtbar zu machen, gern der Gestalt und Farbe menschlicher Jugend, die er zum Werkzeug der Erinnerung mit allem Abglanz der Sch&#246;nheit schm&#252;ckte und bei deren Anblick wir dann wohl in Schmerz und Hoffnung entbrannten.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So dachte der Enthusiasmierte; so vermochte er zu empfinden. Und aus Meerrausch und Sonnenglast spann sich ihm ein reizendes Bild. Es war die alte Platane unfern den Mauern Athens,&#8212;war jener heilig-schattige, vom Dufte der Kirschbaumbl&#252;ten erf&#252;llte Ort, den Weihbilder und fromme Gaben schm&#252;ckten zu Ehren der Nymphen und des Acheloos. Ganz klar fiel der Bach zu F&#252;&#223;en des breitge&#228;steten Baums &#252;ber glatte Kiesel; die Grillen geigten. Auf dem Rasen aber, der sanft abfiel, so, da&#223; man im Liegen den Kopf hoch halten konnte, lagerten Zwei, geborgen hier vor der Glut des Tages: ein &#196;ltlicher und ein Junger, ein H&#228;&#223;licher und ein Sch&#246;ner, der Weise beim Liebensw&#252;rdigen. Und unter Artigkeiten und geistreich werbenden Scherzen belehrte Sokrates den Phaidros &#252;ber Sehnsucht und Tugend. Er sprach ihm von dem hei&#223;en Erschrecken, das der F&#252;hlende leidet, wenn sein Auge ein Gleichnis der ewigen Sch&#246;nheit erblickt; sprach ihm von den Begierden des Weihelosen und Schlechten, der die Sch&#246;nheit nicht denken kann, wenn er ihr Abbild sieht, und der Ehrfurcht nicht f&#228;hig ist; sprach von der heiligen Angst, die den Edlen bef&#228;llt, wenn ein gottgleiches Antlitz, ein vollkommener Leib ihm erscheint, er dann aufbebt und au&#223;er sich ist und hinzusehen sich kaum getraut und den verehrt, der die Sch&#246;nheit hat, ja, ihm opfern w&#252;rde, wie einer Bilds&#228;ule, wenn er nicht f&#252;rchten m&#252;&#223;te, den Menschen n&#228;rrisch zu scheinen. Denn die Sch&#246;nheit, mein Phaidros, nur sie, ist liebensw&#252;rdig und sichtbar zugleich: sie ist, merke das wohl! die einzige Form des Geistigen, welche wir sinnlich empfangen, sinnlich ertragen k&#246;nnen. Oder was w&#252;rde aus uns, wenn das G&#246;ttliche sonst, wenn Vernunft und Tugend und Wahrheit uns sinnlich erscheinen wollten? W&#252;rden wir nicht vergehen und verbrennen vor Liebe, wie Semele einstmals vor Zeus? So ist die Sch&#246;nheit der Weg des F&#252;hlenden zum Geiste,&#8212;nur der Weg, ein Mittel nur, kleiner Phaidros&#8230; Und dann sprach er das Feinste aus, der verschlagene Hofmacher: Dies, da&#223; der Liebende g&#246;ttlicher sei, als der Geliebte, weil in jenem der Gott sei nicht aber im andern,&#8212;diesen z&#228;rtlichsten, sp&#246;ttischsten Gedanken vielleicht, der jemals gedacht ward, und dem alle Schalkheit und heimlichste Wollust der Sehnsucht entspringt. Gl&#252;ck des Schriftstellers ist der Gedanke, der ganz Gef&#252;hl, ist das Gef&#252;hl, das ganz Gedanke zu werden vermag. Solch ein pulsender Gedanke, solch genaues Gef&#252;hl geh&#246;rte und gehorchte dem Einsamen damals: n&#228;mlich, da&#223; die Natur vor Wonne erschaure, wenn der Geist sich huldigend vor der Sch&#246;nheit neige. Er w&#252;nschte pl&#246;tzlich, zu schreiben. Zwar liebt Eros, hei&#223;t es, den M&#252;&#223;iggang, und f&#252;r solchen nur ist er geschaffen. Aber an diesem Punkte der Krisis war die Erregung des Heimgesuchten auf Produktion gerichtet. Fast gleichg&#252;ltig der Anla&#223;. Eine Frage, eine Anregung, &#252;ber ein gewisses gro&#223;es und brennendes Problem der Kultur und des Geschmackes sich bekennend vernehmen zu lassen, war in die geistige Welt ergangen und bei dem Verreisten eingelaufen. Der Gegenstand war ihm gel&#228;ufig, war ihm Erlebnis; sein Gel&#252;st, ihn im Licht seines Wortes ergl&#228;nzen zu lassen, auf einmal unwiderstehlich. Und zwar ging sein Verlangen dahin, in Tadzios Gegenwart zu arbeiten, beim Schreiben den Wuchs des Knaben zum Muster zu nehmen, seinen Stil den Linien dieses K&#246;rpers folgen zu lassen, der ihm g&#246;ttlich schien, und seine Sch&#246;nheit ins Geistige zu tragen, wie der Adler einst den troischen Hirten zum &#196;ther trug. Nie hatte er die Lust des Wortes s&#252;&#223;er empfunden, nie so gewu&#223;t, da&#223; Eros im Worte sei, wie w&#228;hrend der gef&#228;hrlich k&#246;stlichen Stunden, in denen er, an seinem rohen Tische unter dem Schattentuch, im Angesicht des Idols und die Musik seiner Stimme im Ohr, nach Tadzios Sch&#246;nheit seine kleine Abhandlung,&#8212;jene anderthalb Seiten erlesener Prosa formte, deren Lauterkeit, Adel und schwingende Gef&#252;hlsspannung binnen kurzem die Bewunderung vieler erregen sollte. Es ist sicher gut, da&#223; die Welt nur das sch&#246;ne Werk, nicht auch seine Urspr&#252;nge, nicht seine Entstehungsbedingungen kennt; denn die Kenntnis der Quellen, aus denen dem K&#252;nstler Eingebung flo&#223;, w&#252;rde sie oftmals verwirren, abschrecken und so die Wirkungen des Vortrefflichen aufheben. Sonderbare Stunden! Sonderbar entnervende M&#252;he! Seltsam zeugender Verkehr des Geistes mit einem K&#246;rper! Als Aschenbach seine Arbeit verwahrte und vom Strande aufbrach, f&#252;hlte er sich ersch&#246;pft, ja zerr&#252;ttet, und ihm war, als ob sein Gewissen wie nach einer Ausschweifung Klage f&#252;hre.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Es war am folgenden Morgen, da&#223; er, im Begriff das Hotel zu verlassen, von der Freitreppe aus gewahrte, wie Tadzio, schon unterwegs zum Meere&#8212;und zwar allein,&#8212;sich eben der Strandsperre n&#228;herte. Der Wunsch, der einfache Gedanke, die Gelegenheit zu nutzen und mit dem, der ihm unwissentlich so viel Erhebung und Bewegung bereitet, leichte, heitere Bekanntschaft zu machen, ihn anzureden, sich seiner Antwort, seines Blickes zu erfreuen, lag nahe und dr&#228;ngte sich auf. Der Sch&#246;ne ging schlendernd, er war einzuholen, und Aschenbach beschleunigte seine Schritte. Er erreicht ihn auf dem Brettersteig hinter den H&#252;tten, er will ihm die Hand aufs Haupt, auf die Schulter legen und irgend ein Wort, eine freundliche franz&#246;sische Phrase schwebt ihm auf den Lippen: da f&#252;hlt er, da&#223; sein Herz, vielleicht auch vom schnellen Gang, wie ein Hammer schl&#228;gt, da&#223; er, so knapp bei Atem, nur gepre&#223;t und bebend wird sprechen k&#246;nnen; er z&#246;gert, er sucht sich zu beherrschen, er f&#252;rchtet pl&#246;tzlich, schon zu lange dicht hinter dem Sch&#246;nen zu gehen, f&#252;rchtet sein Aufmerksamwerden, sein fragendes Umschauen, nimmt noch einen Anlauf, versagt, verzichtet und geht gesenkten Hauptes vor&#252;ber.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Zu sp&#228;t! dachte er in diesem Augenblick. Zu sp&#228;t! Jedoch war es zu sp&#228;t? Dieser Schritt, den zu tun er vers&#228;umte, er h&#228;tte sehr m&#246;glicherweise zum Guten, Leichten und Frohen, zu heilsamer Ern&#252;chterung gef&#252;hrt. Allein es war wohl an dem, da&#223; der Alternde die Ern&#252;chterung nicht wollte, da&#223; der Rausch ihm zu teuer war. Wer entr&#228;tselt Wesen und Gepr&#228;ge des K&#252;nstlertums! Wer begreift die tiefe Instinktverschmelzung von Zucht und Z&#252;gellosigkeit, worin es beruht! Denn heilsame Ern&#252;chterung nicht wollen zu k&#246;nnen, ist Z&#252;gellosigkeit. Aschenbach war zur Selbstkritik nicht mehr aufgelegt; der Geschmack, die geistige Verfassung seiner Jahre, Selbstachtung, Reife und sp&#228;te Einfachheit machten ihn nicht geneigt, Beweggr&#252;nde zu zergliedern und zu entscheiden, ob er aus Gewissen, ob aus Liederlichkeit und Schw&#228;che sein Vorhaben nicht ausgef&#252;hrt habe. Er war verwirrt, er f&#252;rchtete, da&#223; irgend jemand, wenn auch der Strandw&#228;chter nur, seinen Lauf, seine Niederlage beobachtet haben m&#246;chte, f&#252;rchtete sehr die L&#228;cherlichkeit. Im &#252;brigen scherzte er bei sich selbst &#252;ber seine komisch-heilige Angst. &#187;Best&#252;rzt&#171;, dachte er, &#187;best&#252;rzt wie ein Hahn, der angstvoll seine Fl&#252;gel im Kampfe h&#228;ngen l&#228;&#223;t. Das ist wahrlich der Gott, der beim Anblick des Liebensw&#252;rdigen so unseren Mut bricht und unsern stolzen Sinn so g&#228;nzlich zu Boden dr&#252;ckt&#8230;&#171; Er spielte, schw&#228;rmte und war viel zu hochm&#252;tig, um ein Gef&#252;hl zu f&#252;rchten.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Schon &#252;berwachte er nicht mehr den Ablauf der Mu&#223;ezeit, die er sich selber gew&#228;hrt; der Gedanke an Heimkehr ber&#252;hrte ihn nicht einmal. Er hatte sich reichlich Geld verschrieben. Seine Besorgnis galt einzig der m&#246;glichen Abreise der polnischen Familie; doch hatte er unter der Hand, durch beil&#228;ufige Erkundigung beim Coiffeur des Hotels, erfahren, da&#223; diese Herrschaften ganz kurz vor seiner eigenen Ankunft hier abgestiegen seien. Die Sonne br&#228;unte ihm Antlitz und H&#228;nde, der erregende Salzhauch st&#228;rkte ihn zum Gef&#252;hl, und wie er sonst jede Erquickung, die Schlaf, Nahrung oder Natur ihm gespendet, sogleich an ein Werk zu verausgaben gewohnt war, so lie&#223; er nun alles, was Sonne, Mu&#223;e und Meerluft ihm an t&#228;glicher Kr&#228;ftigung zuf&#252;hrten, hochherzig-unwirtschaftlich aufgehen in Rausch und Empfindung.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sein Schlaf war fl&#252;chtig; die k&#246;stlich einf&#246;rmigen Tage waren getrennt durch kurze N&#228;chte voll gl&#252;cklicher Unruhe. Zwar zog er sich zeitig zur&#252;ck, denn um neun Uhr, wenn Tadzio vom Schauplatz verschwunden war, schien der Tag ihm beendet. Aber ums erste Morgengrauen weckte ihn ein zart durchdringendes Erschrecken, sein Herz erinnerte sich seines Abenteuers, es litt ihn nicht mehr in den Kissen, er erhob sich, und leicht eingeh&#252;llt gegen die Schauer der Fr&#252;he setzte er sich ans offene Fenster, den Aufgang der Sonne zu erwarten. Das wundervolle Ereignis erf&#252;llte seine vom Schlafe geweihte Seele mit Andacht. Noch lagen Himmel, Erde und Meer in geisterhaft glasiger D&#228;mmerbl&#228;sse; noch schwamm ein vergehender Stern im Wesenlosen. Aber ein Wehen kam, eine beschwingte Kunde von unnahbaren Wohnpl&#228;tzen, da&#223; Eos sich von der Seite des Gatten erhebe, und jenes erste, s&#252;&#223;e Err&#246;ten der fernsten Himmels-und Meeresstriche geschah, durch welches das Sinnlichwerden der Sch&#246;pfung sich anzeigt. Die G&#246;ttin nahte, die J&#252;nglingsentf&#252;hrerin, die den Kleitos, den Kephalos raubte und dem Neide aller Olympischen trotzend die Liebe des sch&#246;nen Orion geno&#223;. Ein Rosenstreuen begann da am Rande der Welt, ein uns&#228;glich holdes Scheinen und Bl&#252;hen, kindliche Wolken, verkl&#228;rt, durchleuchtet, schwebten gleich dienenden Amoretten im rosigen, bl&#228;ulichen Duft, Purpur fiel auf das Meer, das ihn wallend vorw&#228;rts zu schwemmen schien, goldene Speere zuckten von unten zur H&#246;he des Himmels hinauf, der Glanz ward zum Brande, lautlos, mit g&#246;ttlicher &#220;bergewalt w&#228;lzten sich Glut und Brunst und lodernde Flammen herauf, und mit raffenden Hufen stiegen des Bruders heilige Renner &#252;ber den Erdkreis empor. Angestrahlt von der Pracht des Gottes sa&#223; der Einsam-Wache, er schlo&#223; die Augen und lie&#223; von der Glorie seine Lider k&#252;ssen. Ehemalige Gef&#252;hle, fr&#252;he, k&#246;stliche Drangsale des Herzens, die im strengen Dienst seines Lebens erstorben waren und nun so sonderbar gewandelt zur&#252;ckkehrten,&#8212;er erkannte sie mit verwirrtem, verwundertem L&#228;cheln. Er sann, er tr&#228;umte, langsam bildeten seine Lippen einen Namen, und noch immer l&#228;chelnd, mit aufw&#228;rts gekehrtem Antlitz, die H&#228;nde im Sch&#246;&#223;e gefaltet, entschlummerte er in seinem Sessel noch einmal.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aber der Tag, der so feurig-festlich begann, war im ganzen seltsam gehoben und mythisch verwandelt. Woher kam und stammte der Hauch, der auf einmal so sanft und bedeutend, h&#246;herer Einfl&#252;sterung gleich, Schl&#228;fe und Ohr umspielte? Wei&#223;e Federw&#246;lkchen standen in verbreiteten Scharen am Himmel, gleich weidenden Herden der G&#246;tter. St&#228;rkerer Wind erhob sich, und die Rosse Poseidons liefen, sich b&#228;umend, daher, Stiere auch wohl, dem Bl&#228;ulichgelockten geh&#246;rig, welche mit Br&#252;llen anrennend die H&#246;rner senkten. Zwischen dem Felsenger&#246;ll des entfernteren Strandes jedoch h&#252;pften die Wellen empor als springende Ziegen. Eine heilig entstellte Welt voll panischen Lebens schlo&#223; den Ber&#252;ckten ein, und sein Herz tr&#228;umte zarte Fabeln. Mehrmals, wenn hinter Venedig die Sonne sank, sa&#223; er auf einer Bank im Park, um Tadzio zuzuschauen, der sich, wei&#223; gekleidet und farbig geg&#252;rtet, auf dem gewalzten Kiesplatz mit Ballspiel vergn&#252;gte, und Hyakinthos war es, den er zu sehen glaubte, und der sterben mu&#223;te, weil zwei G&#246;tter ihn liebten. Ja, er empfand Zephyrs schmerzenden Neid auf den Nebenbuhler, der des Orakels, des Bogens und der Kithara verga&#223;, um immer mit dem Sch&#246;nen zu spielen; er sah die Wurfscheibe, von grausamer Eifersucht gelenkt, das liebliche Haupt treffen, er empfing, erblassend auch er, den geknickten Leib, und die Blume, dem s&#252;&#223;en Blute entsprossen, trug die Inschrift seiner unendlichen Klage&#8230;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seltsamer, heikler ist nichts als das Verh&#228;ltnis von Menschen, die sich nur mit den Augen kennen,&#8212;die t&#228;glich, ja st&#252;ndlich einander begegnen, beobachten und dabei den Schein gleichg&#252;ltiger Fremdheit gru&#223;los und wortlos aufrecht zu halten durch Sittenzwang oder eigene Grille gen&#246;tigt sind. Zwischen ihnen ist Unruhe und &#252;berreizte Neugier, die Hysterie eines unbefriedigten, unnat&#252;rlich unterdr&#252;ckten Erkenntnis-und Austauschbed&#252;rfnisses und namentlich auch eine Art von gespannter Achtung. Denn der Mensch liebt und ehrt den Menschen, so lange er ihn nicht zu beurteilen vermag, und die Sehnsucht ist ein Erzeugnis mangelhafter Erkenntnis.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Irgend eine Beziehung und Bekanntschaft mu&#223;te sich notwendig ausbilden zwischen Aschenbach und dem jungen Tadzio, und mit durchdringender Freude konnte der &#196;ltere feststellen, da&#223; Teilnahme und Aufmerksamkeit nicht v&#246;llig unerwidert blieben. Was bewog zum Beispiel den Sch&#246;nen, niemals mehr, wenn er morgens am Strande erschien, den Brettersteg an der R&#252;ckseite der H&#252;tten zu ben&#252;tzen, sondern nur noch auf dem vorderen Wege, durch den Sand, an Aschenbachs Wohnplatz vorbei und manchmal unn&#246;tig dicht an ihm vorbei, seinen Tisch, seinen Stuhl fast streifend, zur H&#252;tte der Seinen zu schlendern? Wirkte so die Anziehung, die Faszination eines &#252;berlegenen Gef&#252;hls auf seinen zarten und gedankenlosen Gegenstand? Aschenbach erwartete t&#228;glich Tadzios Auftreten, und zuweilen tat er, als sei er besch&#228;ftigt, wenn es sich vollzog, und lie&#223; den Sch&#246;nen scheinbar unbeachtet vor&#252;bergehen. Zuweilen aber auch blickte er auf, und ihre Blicke trafen sich. Sie waren beide tief ernst, wenn das geschah. In der gebildeten und w&#252;rdevollen Miene des &#196;lteren verriet nichts eine innere Bewegung; aber in Tadzios Augen war ein Forschen, ein nachdenkliches Fragen, in seinen Gang kam ein Z&#246;gern, er blickte zu Boden, er blickte lieblich wieder auf, und wenn er vor&#252;ber war, so schien ein Etwas in seiner Haltung auszudr&#252;cken, da&#223; nur Erziehung ihn hinderte, sich umzuwenden.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Einmal jedoch, eines Abends, begab es sich anders. Die polnischen Geschwister hatten nebst ihrer Gouvernante bei der Hauptmahlzeit im gro&#223;en Saale gefehlt,&#8212;mit Besorgnis hatte Aschenbach es wahrgenommen. Er erging sich nach Tische, sehr unruhig &#252;ber ihren Verbleib, in Abendanzug und Strohhut vor dem Hotel, zu F&#252;&#223;en der Terrasse, als er pl&#246;tzlich die nonnen&#228;hnlichen Schwestern mit der Erzieherin und vier Schritte hinter ihnen Tadzio im Lichte der Bogenlampen auftauchen sah. Offenbar kamen sie von der Dampferbr&#252;cke, nachdem sie aus irgendeinem Grunde in der Stadt gespeist. Auf dem Wasser war es wohl k&#252;hl gewesen; Tadzio trug eine dunkelblaue Seemanns-&#220;berjacke mit goldenen Kn&#246;pfen und auf dem Kopf eine zugeh&#246;rige M&#252;tze. Sonne und Seeluft verbrannten ihn nicht, seine Hautfarbe war marmorhaft gelblich geblieben wie zu Beginn; doch schien er bl&#228;sser heute als sonst, sei es infolge der K&#252;hle oder durch den bleichenden Mondschein der Lampen. Seine ebenm&#228;&#223;igen Brauen zeichneten sich sch&#228;rfer ab, seine Augen dunkelten tief. Er war sch&#246;ner, als es sich sagen l&#228;&#223;t, und Aschenbach empfand wie schon oftmals mit Schmerzen, da&#223; das Wort die sinnliche Sch&#246;nheit nur zu preisen, nicht wiederzugeben vermag.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er war der teuren Erscheinung nicht gew&#228;rtig gewesen, sie kam unverhofft, er hatte nicht Zeit gehabt, seine Miene zu Ruhe und W&#252;rde zu befestigen. Freude, &#220;berraschung, Bewunderung mochten sich offen darin malen, als sein Blick dem des Vermi&#223;ten begegnete,&#8212;und in dieser Sekunde geschah es, da&#223; Tadzio l&#228;chelte: ihn anl&#228;chelte, sprechend, vertraut, liebreizend und unverhohlen, mit Lippen, die sich im L&#228;cheln erst langsam &#246;ffneten. Es war das L&#228;cheln des Narzi&#223;, der sich &#252;ber das spiegelnde Wasser neigt, jenes tiefe, bezauberte, hingezogene L&#228;cheln, mit dem er nach dem Widerschein der eigenen Sch&#246;nheit die Arme streckt,&#8212;ein ganz wenig verzerrtes L&#228;cheln, verzerrt von der Aussichtslosigkeit seines Trachtens, die holden Lippen seines Schattens zu k&#252;ssen, kokett, neugierig und leise gequ&#228;lt, bet&#246;rt und bet&#246;rend.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Der, welcher dies L&#228;cheln empfangen, enteilte damit wie mit einem verh&#228;ngnisvollen Geschenk. Er war so sehr ersch&#252;ttert, da&#223; er das Licht der Terrasse, des Vorgartens, zu fliehen gezwungen war und mit hastigen Schritten das Dunkel des r&#252;ckw&#228;rtigen Parkes suchte. Sonderbar entr&#252;stete und z&#228;rtliche Vermahnungen entrangen sich ihm: &#187;Du darfst so nicht l&#228;cheln! H&#246;re, man darf so niemandem l&#228;cheln!&#171; Er warf sich auf eine Bank, er atmete au&#223;er sich den n&#228;chtlichen Duft der Pflanzen. Und zur&#252;ckgelehnt, mit h&#228;ngenden Armen, &#252;berw&#228;ltigt und mehrfach von Schauern &#252;berlaufen, fl&#252;sterte er die stehende Formel der Sehnsucht,&#8212;unm&#246;glich hier, absurd, verworfen, l&#228;cherlich und heilig doch, ehrw&#252;rdig auch hier noch: &#187;Ich liebe dich!&#171;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;F&#252;nftes Kapitel&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In der vierten Woche seines Aufenthalts auf dem Lido machte Gustav von Aschenbach einige die Au&#223;enwelt betreffende unheimliche Wahrnehmungen. Erstens schien es ihm, als ob bei steigender Jahreszeit die Frequenz seines Gasthofes eher ab-als zun&#228;hme, und, insbesondere, als ob die deutsche Sprache um ihn her versiege und verstumme, so da&#223; bei Tisch und am Strand endlich nur noch fremde Laute sein Ohr trafen. Eines Tages dann fing er beim Coiffeur, den er jetzt h&#228;ufig besuchte, im Gespr&#228;che ein Wort auf, das ihn stutzig machte. Der Mann hatte einer deutschen Familie erw&#228;hnt, die soeben nach kurzem Verweilen abgereist war und setzte plaudernd und schmeichelnd hinzu: &#187;Sie bleiben, mein Herr; Sie haben keine Furcht vor dem &#220;bel.&#171; Aschenbach sah ihn an. &#187;Dem &#220;bel?&#171; wiederholte er. Der Schw&#228;tzer verstummte, tat besch&#228;ftigt, &#252;berh&#246;rte die Frage, und als sie dringlicher gestellt ward, erkl&#228;rte er, er wisse von nichts und suchte mit verlegener Beredsamkeit abzulenken.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Das war um Mittag. Nachmittags fuhr Aschenbach bei Windstille und schwerem Sonnenbrand nach Venedig; denn ihn trieb die Manie, den polnischen Geschwistern zu folgen, die er mit ihrer Begleiterin den Weg zur Dampferbr&#252;cke hatte einschlagen sehen. Er fand den Abgott nicht bei San Marco. Aber beim Tee, an seinem eisernen Rundtischchen auf der Schattenseite des Platzes sitzend, witterte er pl&#246;tzlich in der Luft ein eigent&#252;mliches Arom, von dem ihm jetzt schien, als habe es schon seit Tagen, ohne ihm ins Bewu&#223;tsein zu dringen, seinen Sinn ber&#252;hrt,&#8212;einen s&#252;&#223;lich-offizinellen Geruch, der an Elend und Wunden und verd&#228;chtige Reinlichkeit erinnerte. Er pr&#252;fte und erkannte ihn nachdenklich, beendete seinen Imbi&#223; und verlie&#223; den Platz auf der dem Tempel gegen&#252;berliegenden Seite. In der Enge verst&#228;rkte sich der Geruch. An den Stra&#223;enecken hafteten gedruckte Anschl&#228;ge, durch welche die Bev&#246;lkerung wegen gewisser Erkrankungen des gastrischen Systems, die bei dieser Witterung an der Tagesordnung seien, vor dem Genusse von Austern und Muscheln, auch vor dem Wasser der Kan&#228;le stadtv&#228;terlich gewarnt wurde. Die besch&#246;nigende Natur des Erlasses war deutlich. Volksgruppen standen schweigsam auf Br&#252;cken und Pl&#228;tzen beisammen; und der Fremde stand sp&#252;rend und gr&#252;belnd unter ihnen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Einen Ladeninhaber, der zwischen Korallenschn&#252;ren und falschen Amethyst-Geschmeiden in der T&#252;re seines Gew&#246;lbes lehnte, bat er um Auskunft &#252;ber den fatalen Geruch. Der Mann ma&#223; ihn mit schweren Augen und ermunterte sich hastig. &#187;Eine vorbeugende Ma&#223;regel, mein Herr!&#171; antwortete er mit Geb&#228;rdenspiel. &#187;Eine Verf&#252;gung der Polizei, die man billigen mu&#223;. Diese Witterung dr&#252;ckt, der Scirocco ist der Gesundheit nicht zutr&#228;glich. Kurz, Sie verstehen,&#8212;eine vielleicht &#252;bertriebene Vorsicht&#8230;&#171; Aschenbach dankte ihm und ging weiter. Auch auf dem Dampfer, der ihn zum Lido zur&#252;cktrug, sp&#252;rte er jetzt den Geruch des keimbek&#228;mpfenden Mittels.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ins Hotel zur&#252;ckgekehrt, begab er sich sogleich in die Halle zum Zeitungstisch und hielt in den Bl&#228;ttern Umschau. Er fand in den fremdsprachigen nichts. Die heimatlichen verzeichneten Ger&#252;chte, f&#252;hrten schwankende Ziffern an, gaben amtliche Ableugnungen wieder und bezweifelten deren Wahrhaftigkeit. So erkl&#228;rte sich der Abzug des deutschen und &#246;sterreichischen Elementes. Die Angeh&#246;rigen der &#252;brigen Nationen wu&#223;ten offenbar nichts, ahnten nichts, waren noch nicht beunruhigt. &#187;Man soll schweigen!&#171; dachte Aschenbach erregt, indem er die Journale auf den Tisch zur&#252;ckwarf. &#187;Man soll das verschweigen!&#171; Aber zugleich f&#252;llte sein Herz sich mit Genugtuung &#252;ber das Abenteuer, in welches die Au&#223;enwelt geraten wollte. Denn der Leidenschaft ist, wie dem Verbrechen, die gesicherte Ordnung und Wohlfahrt des Alltags nicht gem&#228;&#223;, und jede Lockerung des b&#252;rgerlichen Gef&#252;ges, jede Verwirrung und Heimsuchung der Welt mu&#223; ihr willkommen sein, weil sie ihren Vorteil dabei zu finden unbestimmt hoffen kann. So empfand Aschenbach eine dunkle Zufriedenheit &#252;ber die obrigkeitlich bem&#228;ntelten Vorg&#228;nge in den schmutzigen G&#228;&#223;chen Venedigs,&#8212;dieses schlimme Geheimnis der Stadt, das mit seinem eigensten Geheimnis verschmolz, und an dessen Bewahrung auch ihm so sehr gelegen war. Denn der Verliebte besorgte nichts, als da&#223; Tadzio abreisen k&#246;nnte und erkannte nicht ohne Entsetzen, da&#223; er nicht mehr zu leben wissen werde, wenn das gesch&#228;he.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Neuerdings begn&#252;gte er sich nicht damit, N&#228;he und Anblick des Sch&#246;nen der Tagesregel und dem Gl&#252;cke zu danken; er verfolgte ihn, er stellte ihm nach. Sonntags zum Beispiel erschienen die Polen niemals am Strande; er erriet, da&#223; sie die Messe in San Marco besuchten, er eilte dorthin, und aus der Glut des Platzes in die goldene D&#228;mmerung des Heiligtums eintretend, fand er den Entbehrten, &#252;ber ein Betpult gebeugt beim Gottesdienst. Dann stand er im Hintergrunde, auf zerkl&#252;ftetem Mosaikboden, inmitten knieenden, murmelnden, kreuzschlagenden Volkes, und die gedrungene Pracht des morgenl&#228;ndischen Tempels lastete &#252;ppig auf seinen Sinnen. Vorn wandelte, hantierte und sang der schwergeschm&#252;ckte Priester, Weihrauch quoll auf, er umnebelte die kraftlosen Fl&#228;mmchen der Altarkerzen, und in den dumpfs&#252;&#223;en Opferduft schien sich leise ein anderer zu mischen: der Geruch der erkrankten Stadt. Aber durch Dunst und Gefunkel sah Aschenbach, wie der Sch&#246;ne dort vorn den Kopf wandte, ihn suchte und ihn erblickte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Wenn dann die Menge durch die ge&#246;ffneten Portale hinausstr&#246;mte auf den leuchtenden, von Tauben wimmelnden Platz, verbarg sich der Bet&#246;rte in der Vorhalle, er versteckte sich, er legte sich auf die Lauer. Er sah die Polen die Kirche verlassen, sah, wie die Geschwister sich auf zeremoni&#246;se Art von der Mutter verabschiedeten und wie diese sich heimkehrend zur Piazzetta wandte; er stellte fest, da&#223; der Sch&#246;ne, die kl&#246;sterlichen Schwestern und die Gouvernante den Weg zur Rechten durch das Tor des Uhrturmes und in die Merceria einschlugen, und nachdem er sie einigen Vorsprung hatte gewinnen lassen, folgte er ihnen, folgte ihnen verstohlen auf ihrem Spaziergang durch Venedig.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er mu&#223;te stehen bleiben, wenn sie sich verweilten, mu&#223;te in Gark&#252;chen und H&#246;fe fl&#252;chten, um die Umkehrenden vor&#252;ber zu lassen; er verlor sie, suchte erhitzt und ersch&#246;pft nach ihnen &#252;ber Br&#252;cken und in schmutzigen Sackgassen und erduldete Minuten t&#246;dlicher Pein, wenn er sie pl&#246;tzlich in enger Passage, wo kein Ausweichen m&#246;glich war, sich entgegenkommen sah. Dennoch kann man nicht sagen, da&#223; er litt. Haupt und Herz waren ihm trunken, und seine Schritte folgten den Weisungen des D&#228;mons, dem es Lust ist, des Menschen Vernunft und W&#252;rde unter seine F&#252;&#223;e zu treten.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Irgendwo nahmen Tadzio und die Seinen dann wohl eine Gondel, und Aschenbach, den, w&#228;hrend sie einstiegen, ein Vorbau, ein Brunnen verborgen gehalten hatte, tat, kurz nachdem sie vom Ufer abgesto&#223;en, ein Gleiches. Er sprach hastig und ged&#228;mpft, wenn er den Ruderer, unter dem Versprechen eines reichlichen Trinkgeldes, anwies, jener Gondel, die eben dort um die Ecke biege, unauff&#228;llig in einigem Abstand zu folgen; und es &#252;berrieselte ihn, wenn der Mensch, mit der spitzb&#252;bischen Erb&#246;tigkeit eines Gelegenheitsmachers, ihm in demselben Tone versicherte, da&#223; er bedient, da&#223; er gewissenhaft bedient werden solle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So glitt und schwankte er denn, in weiche, schwarze Kissen gelehnt, der anderen schwarzen, geschnabelten Barke nach, an deren Spur die Passion ihn fesselte. Zuweilen entschwand sie ihm: dann f&#252;hlte er Kummer und Unruhe. Aber sein F&#252;hrer, als sei er in solchen Auftr&#228;gen wohl ge&#252;bt, wu&#223;te ihm stets durch schlaue Man&#246;ver, durch rasche Querfahrten und Abk&#252;rzungen das Begehrte wieder vor Augen zu bringen. Die Luft war still und riechend, schwer brannte die Sonne durch den Dunst, der den Himmel schieferig f&#228;rbte. Wasser schlug glucksend gegen Holz und Stein. Der Ruf des Gondoliers, halb Warnung, halb Gru&#223;, ward fernher aus der Stille des Labyrinths nach sonderbarer &#220;bereinkunft beantwortet. Aus kleinen, hochliegenden G&#228;rten hingen Bl&#252;tendolden, wei&#223; und purpurn, nach Mandeln duftend, &#252;ber morsches Gem&#228;uer. Arabische Fensterumrahmungen bildeten sich im Tr&#252;ben ab. Die Marmorstufen einer Kirche stiegen in die Flut; ein Bettler, darauf kauernd, sein Elend beteuernd, hielt seinen Hut hin und zeigte das Wei&#223;e der Augen, als sei er blind, ein Altertumsh&#228;ndler, vor seiner Spelunke, lud den Vor&#252;berziehenden mit kriecherischen Geb&#228;rden zum Aufenthalt ein, in der Hoffnung, ihn zu betr&#252;gen. Das war Venedig, die schmeichlerische und verd&#228;chtige Sch&#246;ne,&#8212;diese Stadt, halb M&#228;rchen, halb Fremdenfalle, in deren fauliger Luft die Kunst einst schwelgerisch aufwucherte und welche den Musikern Kl&#228;nge eingab, die wiegen und buhlerisch einlullen. Dem Abenteuernden war es, als tr&#228;nke sein Auge dergleichen &#220;ppigkeit, als w&#252;rde sein Ohr von solchen Melodien umworben; er erinnerte sich auch, da&#223; die Stadt krank sei und es aus Gewinnsucht verheimliche, und er sp&#228;hte ungez&#252;gelter aus nach der voranschwebenden Gondel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So wu&#223;te und wollte denn der Verwirrte nichts anderes mehr, als den Gegenstand, der ihn entz&#252;ndete, ohne Unterla&#223; zu verfolgen, von ihm zu tr&#228;umen, wenn er abwesend war, und, nach der Weise der Liebenden, seinem blo&#223;en Schattenbild z&#228;rtliche Worte zu geben. Einsamkeit, Fremde und das Gl&#252;ck eines sp&#228;ten und tiefen Rausches ermutigten und &#252;berredeten ihn, sich auch das Befremdlichste ohne Scheu und Err&#246;ten durchgehen zu lassen, wie es denn vorgekommen war, da&#223; er, sp&#228;t abends von Venedig heimkehrend, im ersten Stock des Hotels an des Sch&#246;nen Zimmert&#252;r Halt gemacht, seine Stirn in v&#246;lliger Trunkenheit an die Angel der T&#252;r gelehnt und sich lange von dort nicht zu trennen vermocht hatte, auf die Gefahr, in einer so wahnsinnigen Lage ertappt und betroffen zu werden.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dennoch fehlte es nicht an Augenblicken des Innehaltens und der halben Besinnung. Auf welchen Wegen! dachte er dann mit Best&#252;rzung. Auf welchen Wegen! Wie jeder Mann, dem nat&#252;rliche Verdienste ein aristokratisches Interesse f&#252;r seine Abstammung einfl&#246;&#223;en, war er gewohnt, bei den Leistungen und Erfolgen seines Lebens der Vorfahren zu gedenken, sich ihrer Zustimmung, ihrer Genugtuung, ihrer notgedrungenen Achtung im Geiste zu versichern. Er dachte ihrer auch jetzt und hier, verstrickt in ein so unstatthaftes Erlebnis, begriffen in so exotischen Ausschweifungen des Gef&#252;hls; gedachte der haltungsvollen Strenge, der anst&#228;ndigen M&#228;nnlichkeit ihres Wesens und l&#228;chelte schwerm&#252;tig. Was w&#252;rden sie sagen? Aber freilich, was h&#228;tten sie zu seinem ganzen Leben gesagt, das von dem ihren so bis zur Entartung abgewichen war, zu diesem Leben im Banne der Kunst, &#252;ber das er selbst einst, im B&#252;rgersinne der V&#228;ter, so sp&#246;ttische J&#252;nglingserkenntnisse hatte verlauten lassen und das dem ihren im Grunde so &#228;hnlich gewesen war! Auch er hatte gedient, auch er sich in harter Zucht ge&#252;bt; auch er war Soldat und Kriegsmann gewesen, gleich manchen von ihnen,&#8212;denn die Kunst war ein Krieg, ein aufreibender Kampf, f&#252;r welchen man heute nicht lange taugte. Ein Leben der Selbst&#252;berwindung und des Trotzdem, ein herbes, standhaftes und enthaltsames Leben, das er zum Sinnbild f&#252;r einen zarten und zeitgem&#228;&#223;en Heroismus gestaltet hatte,&#8212;wohl durfte er es m&#228;nnlich, durfte es tapfer nennen, und es wollte ihm scheinen, als sei der Eros, der sich seiner bemeistert, einem solchen Leben auf irgendeine Weise besonders gem&#228;&#223; und geneigt. Hatte er nicht bei den tapfersten V&#246;lkern vorz&#252;glich in Ansehen gestanden, ja, hie&#223; es nicht, da&#223; er durch Tapferkeit in ihren St&#228;dten gebl&#252;ht habe? Zahlreiche Kriegshelden der Vorzeit hatten willig sein Joch getragen, denn gar keine Erniedrigung galt, die der Gott verh&#228;ngte, und Taten, die als Merkmale der Feigheit w&#228;ren gescholten worden, wenn sie um anderer Zwecke willen geschehen w&#228;ren: Fu&#223;f&#228;lle, Schw&#252;re, inst&#228;ndige Bitten und sklavisches Wesen, solche gereichten dem Liebenden nicht zur Schande, sondern er erntete vielmehr noch Lob daf&#252;r.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So war des Bet&#246;rten Denkweise bestimmt, so suchte er sich zu st&#252;tzen, seine W&#252;rde zu wahren. Aber zugleich wandte er best&#228;ndig eine sp&#252;rende und eigensinnige Aufmerksamkeit den unsauberen Vorg&#228;ngen im Innern Venedigs zu, jenem Abenteuer der Au&#223;enwelt, das mit dem seines Herzens dunkel zusammenflo&#223; und seine Leidenschaft mit unbestimmten, gesetzlosen Hoffnungen n&#228;hrte. Versessen darauf, Neues und Sicheres &#252;ber Stand oder Fortschritt des &#220;bels zu erfahren, durchst&#246;berte er in den Kaffeeh&#228;usern der Stadt die heimatlichen Bl&#228;tter, da sie vom Lesetisch der Hotelhalle seit mehreren Tagen verschwunden waren. Behauptungen und Widerrufe wechselten darin. Die Zahl der Erkrankungs-, der Todesf&#228;lle sollte sich auf zwanzig, auf vierzig, ja hundert und mehr belaufen, und gleich darauf wurde jedes Auftreten der Seuche wenn nicht rundweg in Abrede gestellt, so doch auf v&#246;llig vereinzelte, von au&#223;en eingeschleppte F&#228;lle zur&#252;ckgef&#252;hrt. Warnende Bedenken, Proteste gegen das gef&#228;hrliche Spiel der welschen Beh&#246;rden waren eingestreut. Gewi&#223;heit war nicht zu erlangen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dennoch war sich der Einsame eines besonderen Anrechtes bewu&#223;t, an dem Geheimnis teil zu haben, und, gleichwohl ausgeschlossen, fand er eine bizarre Genugtuung darin, die Wissenden mit verf&#228;nglichen Fragen anzugehen und sie, die zum Schweigen verb&#252;ndet waren, zur ausdr&#252;cklichen L&#252;ge zu n&#246;tigen. Eines Tages beim Fr&#252;hst&#252;ck im gro&#223;en Speisesaal stellte er so den Gesch&#228;ftsf&#252;hrer zur Rede, jenen kleinen, leise auftretenden Menschen im franz&#246;sischen Gehrock, der sich gr&#252;&#223;end und beaufsichtigend zwischen den Speisenden bewegte und auch an Aschenbachs Tischchen zu einigen Plauderworten Halt machte. Warum man denn eigentlich, fragte der Gast in l&#228;ssiger und beil&#228;ufiger Weise, warum in aller Welt, man seit einiger Zeit Venedig desinfiziere?&#8212;&#187;Es handelt sich&#171;, antwortete der Schleicher, &#187;um eine Ma&#223;nahme der Polizei, bestimmt, allerlei Unzutr&#228;glichkeiten oder St&#246;rungen der &#246;ffentlichen Gesundheit, welche durch die br&#252;tende und ausnehmend warme Witterung erzeugt werden m&#246;chten, pflichtgem&#228;&#223; und beizeiten hintanzuhalten.&#171;&#8212;&#187;Die Polizei ist zu loben&#171;, erwiderte Aschenbach, und nach Austausch einiger meteorologischer Bemerkungen empfahl sich der Manager.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Selbigen Tages noch, abends nach dem Diner, geschah es, da&#223; eine kleine Bande von Stra&#223;ens&#228;ngern aus der Stadt sich im Vorgarten des Gasthofes h&#246;ren lie&#223;. Sie standen, zwei M&#228;nner und zwei Weiber, an dem eisernen Mast einer Bogenlampe und wandten ihre wei&#223;beschienenen Gesichter zur gro&#223;en Terrasse empor, wo die Kurgesellschaft sich bei Kaffee und k&#252;hlenden Getr&#228;nken die volkst&#252;mliche Darbietung gefallen lie&#223;. Das Hotelpersonal, Liftboys, Kellner und Angestellte der Office, zeigte sich lauschend an den T&#252;ren zur Halle. Die russische Familie, eifrig und genau im Genu&#223;, hatte sich Rohrst&#252;hle in den Garten hinabstellen lassen, um den Aus&#252;benden n&#228;her zu sein, und sa&#223; dort dankbar im Halbkreise. Hinter der Herrschaft, in turbanartigem Kopftuch, stand ihre alte Sklavin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mandoline, Guitarre, Harmonika und eine quinkelierende Geige waren unter den H&#228;nden der Bettelvirtuosen in T&#228;tigkeit. Mit instrumentalen Durchf&#252;hrungen wechselten Gesangsnummern, wie denn das j&#252;ngere der Weiber, scharf und qu&#228;kend von Stimme, sich mit dem s&#252;&#223; falsettierenden Tenor zu einem verlangenden Liebesduett zusammentat. Aber als das eigentliche Talent und Haupt der Vereinigung zeigte sich unzweideutig der andere der M&#228;nner, Inhaber der Guitarre und im Charakter eine Art Baryton-Buffo, fast ohne Stimme dabei, aber mimisch begabt und von bemerkenswerter komischer Energie. Oftmals l&#246;ste er sich, sein gro&#223;es Instrument im Arm, von der Gruppe der anderen los und drang agierend gegen die Rampe vor, wo man seine Eulenspiegeleien mit aufmunterndem Lachen belohnte. Namentlich die Russen, in ihrem Parterre, zeigten sich entz&#252;ckt &#252;ber soviel s&#252;dliche Beweglichkeit und ermutigten ihn durch Beifall und Zurufe, immer kecker und sicherer aus sich heraus zu gehen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach sa&#223; an der Balustrade und k&#252;hlte zuweilen die Lippen mit einem Gemisch aus Granatapfelsaft und Soda, das vor ihm rubinrot im Glase funkelte. Seine Nerven nahmen die dudelnden Kl&#228;nge, die vulg&#228;ren und schmachtenden Melodien begierig auf, denn die Leidenschaft l&#228;hmt den w&#228;hlerischen Sinn und l&#228;&#223;t sich allen Ernstes mit Reizen ein, welche die N&#252;chternheit humoristisch aufnehmen oder unwillig ablehnen w&#252;rde. Seine Z&#252;ge waren durch die Spr&#252;nge des Gauklers zu einem fix gewordenen und schon schmerzenden L&#228;cheln verrenkt. Er sa&#223; l&#228;ssig da, w&#228;hrend eine &#228;u&#223;erste Aufmerksamkeit sein Inneres spannte, denn sechs Schritte von ihm lehnte Tadzio am Steingel&#228;nder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er stand dort in dem wei&#223;en G&#252;rtelanzug, den er zuweilen zur Hauptmahlzeit anlegte, in unvermeidlicher und anerschaffener Grazie, den linken Unterarm auf der Br&#252;stung, die F&#252;&#223;e gekreuzt, die rechte Hand in der tragenden H&#252;fte, und blickte mit einem Ausdruck, der kaum ein L&#228;cheln, nur eine entfernte Neugier, ein h&#246;fliches Entgegennehmen war, zu den B&#228;nkels&#228;ngern hinab. Manchmal richtete er sich gerade auf und zog, indem er die Brust dehnte, mit einer sch&#246;nen Bewegung beider Arme den wei&#223;en Kittel durch den Lederg&#252;rtel hinunter. Manchmal aber auch, und der Alternde gewahrte es mit Triumph, mit einem Taumeln seiner Vernunft und auch mit Entsetzen, wandte er z&#246;gernd und behutsam oder auch rasch und pl&#246;tzlich, als gelte es eine &#220;berrumpelung, den Kopf &#252;ber die linke Schulter gegen den Platz seines Liebhabers. Er fand nicht dessen Augen, denn eine schm&#228;hliche Besorgnis zwang den Verwirrten, seine Blicke &#228;ngstlich im Zaum zu halten. Im Grund der Terrasse sa&#223;en die Frauen, die Tadzio beh&#252;teten, und es war dahin gekommen, da&#223; der Verliebte f&#252;rchten mu&#223;te, auff&#228;llig geworden und beargw&#246;hnt zu sein. Ja, mit einer Art von Erstarrung hatte er mehrmals, am Strande, in der Hotelhalle und auf der Piazza San Marco, zu bemerken gehabt, da&#223; man Tadzio aus seiner N&#228;he zur&#252;ckrief, ihn von ihm fernzuhalten bedacht war&#8212;und eine furchtbare Beleidigung daraus entnehmen m&#252;ssen, unter der sein Stolz sich in ungekannten Qualen wand, und welche von sich zu weisen sein Gewissen ihn hinderte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Unterdessen hatte der Guitarrist zu eigener Begleitung ein Solo begonnen, einen mehrstrophigen, eben in ganz Italien florierenden Gassenhauer, in dessen Kehrreim seine Gesellschaft jedesmal mit Gesang und s&#228;mtlichem Musikzeug einfiel und den er auf eine plastisch-dramatische Art zum Vortrag zu bringen wu&#223;te. Schm&#228;chtig gebaut und auch von Antlitz mager und ausgemergelt, stand er, abgetrennt von den Seinen, den sch&#228;bigen Filz im Nacken, so da&#223; ein Wulst seines roten Haars unter der Krempe hervorquoll, in einer Haltung von frecher Bravour auf dem Kies und schleuderte zum Schollern der Saiten in eindringlichem Sprechgesang seine Sp&#228;&#223;e zur Terrasse empor, indes vor produzierender Anstrengung die Adern auf seiner Stirne schwollen. Er schien nicht venezianischen Schlages, vielmehr von der Rasse der neapolitanischen Komiker, halb Zuh&#228;lter, halb Kom&#246;diant, brutal und verwegen, gef&#228;hrlich und unterhaltend. Sein Lied, lediglich albern dem Wortlaut nach, gewann in seinem Munde, durch sein Mienenspiel, seine K&#246;rperbewegungen, seine Art, andeutend zu blinzeln und die Zunge schl&#252;pfrig im Mundwinkel spielen zu lassen, etwas Zweideutiges, unbestimmt Anst&#246;&#223;iges. Dem weichen Kragen des Sporthemdes, das er zu &#252;brigens st&#228;dtischer Kleidung trug, entwuchs sein hagerer Hals mit auffallend gro&#223; und nackt wirkendem Adamsapfel. Sein bleiches, stumpfn&#228;siges Gesicht, aus dessen bartlosen Z&#252;gen schwer auf sein Alter zu schlie&#223;en war, schien durchpfl&#252;gt von Grimassen und Laster, und sonderbar wollten zum Grinsen seines beweglichen Mundes die beiden Furchen passen, die trotzig, herrisch, fast wild zwischen seinen r&#246;tlichen Brauen standen. Was jedoch des Einsamen tiefe Achtsamkeit eigentlich auf ihn lenkte, war die Bemerkung, da&#223; die verd&#228;chtige Figur auch ihre eigene verd&#228;chtige Atmosph&#228;re mit sich zu f&#252;hren schien. Jedesmal n&#228;mlich, wenn der Refrain wieder einsetzte, unternahm der S&#228;nger unter Faxen und gr&#252;&#223;endem Handsch&#252;tteln einen grotesken Rundmarsch, der ihn unmittelbar unter Aschenbachs Platz vor&#252;berf&#252;hrte, und jedesmal, wenn das geschah, wehte, von seinen Kleidern, seinem K&#246;rper ausgehend, ein Schwaden starken Karbolgeruchs zur Terrasse empor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nach geendigtem Couplet begann er, Geld einzuziehen. Er fing bei den Russen an, die man bereitwillig spenden sah, und kam dann die Stufen herauf. So frech er sich bei der Produktion benommen, so dem&#252;tig zeigte er sich hier oben. Katzbuckelnd, unter Kratzf&#252;&#223;en schlich er zwischen den Tischen umher, und ein L&#228;cheln t&#252;ckischer Unterw&#252;rfigkeit entbl&#246;&#223;te seine starken Z&#228;hne, w&#228;hrend doch immer noch die beiden Furchen drohend zwischen seinen roten Brauen standen. Man musterte das fremdartige, seinen Unterhalt einsammelnde Wesen mit Neugier und einigem Abscheu, man warf mit spitzen Fingern M&#252;nzen in seinen Filz und h&#252;tete sich, ihn zu ber&#252;hren. Die Aufhebung der physischen Distanz zwischen dem Kom&#246;dianten und den Anst&#228;ndigen erzeugt, und war das Vergn&#252;gen noch so gro&#223;, stets eine gewisse Verlegenheit. Er f&#252;hlte sie und suchte, sich durch Kriecherei zu entschuldigen. Er kam zu Aschenbach und mit ihm der Geruch, &#252;ber den niemand ringsum sich Gedanken zu machen schien.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#187;H&#246;re!&#171; sagte der Einsame ged&#228;mpft und fast mechanisch. &#187;Man desinfiziert Venedig. Warum?&#171;&#8212;Der Spa&#223;macher antwortete heiser: &#187;Von wegen der Polizei! Das ist Vorschrift, mein Herr, bei solcher Hitze und bei Scirocco. Der Scirocco dr&#252;ckt. Er ist der Gesundheit nicht zutr&#228;glich&#8230;&#171; Er sprach wie verwundert dar&#252;ber, da&#223; man dergleichen fragen k&#246;nne und demonstrierte mit der flachen Hand, wie sehr der Scirocco dr&#252;cke.&#8212;&#187;Es ist also kein &#220;bel in Venedig?&#171; fragte Aschenbach sehr leise und zwischen den Z&#228;hnen.&#8212;Die muskul&#246;sen Z&#252;ge des Possenrei&#223;ers fielen in eine Grimasse komischer Ratlosigkeit. &#187;Ein &#220;bel? Aber was f&#252;r ein &#220;bel? Ist der Scirocco ein &#220;bel? Ist vielleicht unsere Polizei ein &#220;bel? Sie belieben zu scherzen! Ein &#220;bel! Warum nicht gar! Eine vorbeugende Ma&#223;regel, verstehen Sie doch! Eine polizeiliche Anordnung gegen die Wirkungen der dr&#252;ckenden Witterung&#8230;&#171; Er gestikulierte.&#8212;&#187;Es ist gut&#171;, sagte Aschenbach wiederum kurz und leise und lie&#223; rasch ein ungeb&#252;hrlich bedeutendes Geldst&#252;ck in den Hut fallen. Dann winkte er dem Menschen mit den Augen, zu gehen. Er gehorchte grinsend, unter B&#252;cklingen; aber er hatte noch nicht die Treppe erreicht, als zwei Hotelangestellte sich auf ihn warfen und ihn, ihre Gesichter dicht an dem seinen, in ein gefl&#252;stertes Kreuzverh&#246;r nahmen. Er zuckte die Achseln, er gab Beteuerungen, er schwor, verschwiegen gewesen zu sein; man sah es. Entlassen, kehrte er in den Garten zur&#252;ck, und, nach einer kurzen Verabredung mit den Seinen unter der Bogenlampe, trat er zu einem Dank-und Abschiedsliede noch einmal vor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Es war ein Lied, das jemals geh&#246;rt zu haben der Einsame sich nicht erinnerte; ein dreister Schlager in unverst&#228;ndlichem Dialekt und ausgestattet mit einem Lach-Refrain, in den die Bande regelm&#228;&#223;ig aus vollem Halse einfiel. Es h&#246;rten hierbei sowohl die Worte wie auch die Begleitung der Instrumente auf, und nichts blieb &#252;brig als ein rhythmisch irgendwie geordnetes, aber sehr nat&#252;rlich behandeltes Lachen, das namentlich der Solist mit gro&#223;em Talent zu t&#228;uschendster Lebendigkeit zu gestalten wu&#223;te. Er hatte bei wiederhergestelltem k&#252;nstlerischen Abstand zwischen ihm und den Herrschaften seine ganze Frechheit wiedergefunden, und sein Kunstlachen, unversch&#228;mt zur Terrasse emporgesandt, war Hohngel&#228;chter. Schon gegen das Ende des artikulierten Teiles der Strophe schien er mit einem unwiderstehlichen Kitzel zu k&#228;mpfen. Er schluchzte, seine Stimme schwankte, er pre&#223;te die Hand gegen den Mund, er verzog die Schultern, und im gegebenen Augenblick brach, heulte und platzte das unb&#228;ndige Lachen aus ihm hervor, mit solcher Wahrheit, da&#223; es ansteckend wirkte und sich den Zuh&#246;rern mitteilte, da&#223; auch auf der Terrasse eine gegenstandslose und nur von sich selbst lebende Heiterkeit um sich griff. Dies aber eben schien des S&#228;ngers Ausgelassenheit zu verdoppeln. Er beugte die Knie, er schlug die Schenkel, er hielt sich die Seiten, er wollte sich aussch&#252;tten, er lachte nicht mehr, er schrie; er wies mit dem Finger hinauf, als g&#228;be es nichts Komischeres, als die lachende Gesellschaft dort oben, und endlich lachte dann alles im Garten und auf der Veranda, bis zu den Kellnern, Liftboys und Hausdienern in den T&#252;ren.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aschenbach ruhte nicht mehr im Stuhl, er sa&#223; aufgerichtet wie zum Versuche der Abwehr oder der Flucht. Aber das Gel&#228;chter, der heraufwehende Hospitalgeruch und die N&#228;he des Sch&#246;nen verwoben sich ihm zu einem Traumbann, der unzerrei&#223;bar und unentrinnbar sein Haupt, seinen Sinn umfangen hielt. In der allgemeinen Bewegung und Zerstreuung wagte er es, zu Tadzio hin&#252;berzublicken, und indem er es tat, durfte er bemerken, da&#223; der Sch&#246;ne, in Erwiderung seines Blickes ebenfalls ernst blieb, ganz so, als richte er Verhalten und Miene nach der des Anderen und als verm&#246;ge die allgemeine Stimmung nichts &#252;ber ihn, da jener sich ihr entzog. Diese kindliche und beziehungsvolle Folgsamkeit hatte etwas so Entwaffnendes, &#220;berw&#228;ltigendes, da&#223; der Grauhaarige sich mit M&#252;he enthielt, sein Gesicht in den H&#228;nden zu verbergen. Auch hatte es ihm geschienen, als bedeute Tadzios gelegentliches Sichaufrichten und Aufatmen ein Seufzen, eine Beklemmung der Brust. &#187;Er ist kr&#228;nklich, er wird wahrscheinlich nicht alt werden&#171;, dachte er wiederum mit jener Sachlichkeit, zu welcher Rausch und Sehnsucht bisweilen sich sonderbar emanzipieren, und reine F&#252;rsorge zugleich mit einer ausschweifenden Genugtuung erf&#252;llte sein Herz.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Die Venezianer unterdessen hatten geendigt und zogen ab. Beifall begleitete sie, und ihr Anf&#252;hrer vers&#228;umte nicht, noch seinen Abgang mit Spa&#223;en auszuschm&#252;cken. Seine Kratzf&#252;&#223;e, seine Ku&#223;h&#228;nde wurden belacht, und er verdoppelte sie daher. Als die Seinen schon drau&#223;en waren, tat er noch, als renne er r&#252;ckw&#228;rts empfindlich gegen einen Lampenmast und schlich scheinbar krumm vor Schmerzen zur Pforte. Dort endlich warf er auf einmal die Maske des komischen Pechvogels ab, richtete sich, ja schnellte elastisch auf, bleckte den G&#228;sten auf der Terrasse frech die Zunge heraus und schl&#252;pfte ins Dunkel. Die Badegesellschaft verlor sich; Tadzio stand l&#228;ngst nicht mehr an der Balustrade. Aber der Einsame sa&#223; noch lange, zum Befremden der Kellner, bei dem Rest seines Granatapfelgetr&#228;nkes an seinem Tischchen. Die Nacht schritt vor, die Zeit zerfiel. Im Hause seiner Eltern, vor vielen Jahren, hatte es eine Sanduhr gegeben,&#8212;er sah das gebrechliche und bedeutende Ger&#228;tchen auf einmal wieder, als st&#252;nde es vor ihm. Lautlos und fein rann der rostrot gef&#228;rbte Sand durch die gl&#228;serne Enge, und da er in der oberen H&#246;hlung zur Neige ging, hatte sich dort ein kleiner, rei&#223;ender Strudel gebildet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Schon am folgenden Tage, nachmittags, tat der Starrsinnige einen neuen Schritt zur Versuchung der Au&#223;enwelt und diesmal mit allem m&#246;glichen Erfolge. Er trat n&#228;mlich vom Markusplatz in das dort gelegene englische Reisebureau, und nachdem er an der Kasse einiges Geld gewechselt, richtete er mit der Miene des mi&#223;trauischen Fremden an den ihn bedienenden Clerk seine fatale Frage. Es war ein wollig gekleideter Brite, noch jung, mit in der Mitte geteiltem Haar, nahe bei einander liegenden Augen und von jener gesetzten Loyalit&#228;t des Wesens, die im spitzb&#252;bisch behenden S&#252;den so fremd, so merkw&#252;rdig anmutet. Er fing an: &#187;Kein Grund zur Besorgnis, Sir. Eine Ma&#223;regel ohne ernste Bedeutung. Solche Anordnungen werden h&#228;ufig getroffen, um gesundheitssch&#228;dlichen Wirkungen der Hitze und des Scirocco vorzubeugen&#8230;&#171; Aber seine blauen Augen aufschlagend, begegnete er dem Blicke des Fremden, einem m&#252;den und etwas traurigen Blick, der mit leichter Verachtung auf seine Lippen gerichtet war. Da err&#246;tete der Engl&#228;nder. &#187;Dies ist&#171;, fuhr er halblaut und in einiger Bewegung fort, &#187;die amtliche Erkl&#228;rung, auf der zu bestehen man hier f&#252;r gut befindet. Ich werde Ihnen sagen, da&#223; noch etwas anderes dahinter steckt.&#171; Und dann sagte er in seiner redlichen und bequemen Sprache die Wahrheit.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seit mehreren Jahren schon hatte die indische Cholera eine verst&#228;rkte Neigung zur Ausbreitung und Wanderung an den Tag gelegt. Erzeugt aus den warmen Mor&#228;sten des Ganges-Deltas, aufgestiegen mit dem mephitischen Odem jener &#252;ppig-untauglichen, von Menschen gemiedenen Urwelt-und Inselwildnis, in deren Bambusdickichten der Tiger kauert, hatte die Seuche in ganz Hindustan andauernd und ungew&#246;hnlich heftig gew&#252;tet, hatte &#246;stlich nach China, westlich nach Afghanistan und Persien &#252;bergegriffen und, den Hauptstra&#223;en des Karawanenverkehrs folgend, ihre Schrecken bis Astrachan, ja selbst bis Moskau getragen. Aber w&#228;hrend Europa zitterte, das Gespenst m&#246;chte von dort aus und zu Lande seinen Einzug halten, war es, von syrischen Kauffahrern &#252;bers Meer verschleppt, fast gleichzeitig in mehreren Mittelmeerh&#228;fen aufgetaucht, hatte in Toulon und Malaga sein Haupt erhoben, in Palermo und Neapel mehrfach seine Maske gezeigt und schien aus ganz Calabrien und Apulien nicht mehr weichen zu wollen. Der Norden der Halbinsel war verschont geblieben. Jedoch Mitte Mai dieses Jahres fand man zu Venedig an ein und demselben Tage die furchtbaren Vibrionen in den ausgemergelten, schw&#228;rzlichen Leichnamen eines Schifferknechtes und einer Gr&#252;nwarenh&#228;ndlerin. Die F&#228;lle wurden verheimlicht. Aber nach einer Woche waren es deren zehn, waren es zwanzig, drei&#223;ig und zwar in verschiedenen Quartieren. Ein Mann aus der &#246;sterreichischen Provinz, der sich zu seinem Vergn&#252;gen einige Tage in Venedig aufgehalten, starb, in sein Heimatst&#228;dtchen zur&#252;ckgekehrt, unter unzweideutigen Anzeichen, und so kam es, da&#223; die ersten Ger&#252;chte von der Heimsuchung der Lagunenstadt in deutsche Tagesbl&#228;tter gelangten. Venedigs Obrigkeit lie&#223; antworten, da&#223; die Gesundheitsverh&#228;ltnisse der Stadt nie besser gewesen seien und traf die notwendigsten Ma&#223;regeln zur Bek&#228;mpfung. Aber wahrscheinlich waren Nahrungsmittel infiziert worden. Gem&#252;se, Fleisch oder Milch, denn geleugnet und vertuscht, fra&#223; das Sterben in der Enge der G&#228;&#223;chen um sich, und die vorzeitig eingefallene Sommerhitze, welche das Wasser der Kan&#228;le laulich erw&#228;rmte, war der Verbreitung besonders g&#252;nstig. Ja, es schien, als ob die Seuche eine Neubelebung ihrer Kr&#228;fte erfahren, als ob die Tenazit&#228;t und Fruchtbarkeit ihrer Erreger sich verdoppelt h&#228;tte. F&#228;lle der Genesung waren sehr selten; achtzig vom Hundert der Befallenen starben und zwar auf entsetzliche Weise, denn das &#220;bel trat mit &#228;u&#223;erster Wildheit auf und zeigte h&#228;ufig jene gef&#228;hrlichste Form, welche &#187;die trockene&#171; benannt ist. Hierbei vermochte der K&#246;rper das aus den Blutgef&#228;&#223;en massenhaft abgesonderte Wasser nicht einmal auszutreiben. Binnen wenigen Stunden verdorrte der Kranke und erstickte am pechartig z&#228;he gewordenen Blut unter Kr&#228;mpfen und heiseren Klagen. Wohl ihm, wenn, was zuweilen geschah, der Ausbruch nach leichtem &#220;belbefinden in Gestalt einer tiefen Ohnmacht erfolgte, aus der er nicht mehr oder kaum noch erwachte. Anfang Juni f&#252;llten sich in der Stille die Isolierbaracken des Ospedale civico, in den beiden Waisenh&#228;usern begann es an Platz zu mangeln, und ein schauerlich reger Verkehr herrschte zwischen dem Kai der neuen Fundamente und San Michele, der Friedhofsinsel. Aber die Furcht vor allgemeiner Sch&#228;digung, die R&#252;cksicht auf die k&#252;rzlich er&#246;ffnete Gem&#228;ldeausstellung in den &#246;ffentlichen G&#228;rten, auf die gewaltigen Ausf&#228;lle, von denen im Falle der Panik und des Verrufes die Hotels, die Gesch&#228;fte, das ganze vielf&#228;ltige Fremdengewerbe bedroht waren, zeigte sich m&#228;chtiger in der Stadt als Wahrheitsliebe und Achtung vor internationalen Abmachungen; sie vermochte die Beh&#246;rde, ihre Politik des Verschweigens und des Ableugnens hartn&#228;ckig aufrecht zu erhalten. Der oberste Medizinalbeamte Venedigs, ein verdienter Mann, war entr&#252;stet von seinem Posten zur&#252;ckgetreten und unter der Hand durch eine gef&#252;gigere Pers&#246;nlichkeit ersetzt worden. Das Volk wu&#223;te das; und die Korruption der Oberen zusammen mit der herrschenden Unsicherheit, dem Ausnahmezustand, in welchen der umgehende Tod die Stadt versetzte, brachte eine gewisse Entsittlichung der unteren Schichten hervor, eine Ermutigung lichtscheuer und antisozialer Triebe, die sich in Unm&#228;&#223;igkeit, Schamlosigkeit und wachsender Kriminalit&#228;t bekundete. Gegen die Regel bemerkte man abends viele Betrunkene; b&#246;sartiges Gesindel machte, so hie&#223; es, nachts die Stra&#223;en unsicher; r&#228;uberische Anf&#228;lle und selbst Mordtaten wiederholten sich, denn schon zweimal hatte sich erwiesen, da&#223; angeblich der Seuche zum Opfer gefallene Personen vielmehr von ihren eigenen Anverwandten mit Gift aus dem Leben ger&#228;umt worden waren; und die gewerbsm&#228;&#223;ige Liederlichkeit nahm aufdringliche und ausschweifende Formen an, wie sie sonst hier nicht bekannt und nur im S&#252;den des Landes und im Orient zu Hause gewesen waren.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Von diesen Dingen sprach der Engl&#228;nder das Entscheidende aus. &#187;Sie t&#228;ten gut&#171;, schlo&#223; er, &#187;lieber heute als morgen zu reisen. L&#228;nger, als ein paar Tage noch, kann die Verh&#228;ngung der Sperre kaum auf sich warten lassen.&#171;&#8212;&#187;Danke Ihnen&#171;, sagte Aschenbach und verlie&#223; das Amt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Der Platz lag in sonnenloser Schw&#252;le. Unwissende Fremde sa&#223;en vor den Caf&#233;s oder standen, ganz von Tauben bedeckt, vor der Kirche und sahen zu, wie die Tiere, wimmelnd, fl&#252;gelschlagend, einander verdr&#228;ngend, nach den in hohlen H&#228;nden dargebotenen Maisk&#246;rnern pickten. In fiebriger Erregung, triumphierend im Besitze der Wahrheit, einen Geschmack von Ekel dabei auf der Zunge und ein phantastisches Grauen im Herzen, schritt der Einsame die Fliesen des Prachthofes auf und nieder. Er erwog eine reinigende und anst&#228;ndige Handlung. Er konnte heute Abend nach dem Diner der perlengeschm&#252;ckten Frau sich n&#228;hern und zu ihr sprechen, was er w&#246;rtlich entwarf: &#187;Gestatten Sie dem Fremden, Madame, Ihnen mit einem Rat, einer Warnung zu dienen, die der Eigennutz Ihnen vorenth&#228;lt. Reisen Sie ab, sogleich, mit Tadzio und Ihren T&#246;chtern! Venedig ist verseucht.&#171; Er konnte dann dem Werkzeug einer h&#246;hnischen Gottheit zum Abschied die Hand aufs Haupt legen, sich wegwenden und diesem Sumpfe entfliehen. Aber er f&#252;hlte zugleich, da&#223; er unendlich weit entfernt war, einen solchen Schritt im Ernste zu wollen. Er w&#252;rde ihn zur&#252;ckf&#252;hren, w&#252;rde ihn sich selber wiedergeben; aber wer au&#223;er sich ist, verabscheut nichts mehr, als wieder in sich zu gehen. Er erinnerte sich eines wei&#223;en Bauwerks, geschm&#252;ckt mit abendlich glei&#223;enden Inschriften, in deren durchscheinender Mystik das Auge seines Geistes sich verloren hatte; jener seltsamen Wandrergestalt sodann, die dem Alternden schweifende J&#252;nglingssehnsucht ins Weite und Fremde erweckt hatte; und der Gedanke an Heimkehr, an Besonnenheit, N&#252;chternheit, M&#252;hsal und Meisterschaft, widerte ihn in solchem Ma&#223;e, da&#223; sein Gesicht sich zum Ausdruck physischer &#220;belkeit verzerrte. &#187;Man soll schweigen!&#171; fl&#252;sterte er heftig. Und: &#187;Ich werde schweigen!&#171; Das Bewu&#223;tsein seiner Mitwisserschaft, seiner Mitschuld berauschte ihn, wie geringe Mengen Weines ein m&#252;des Hirn berauschen. Das Bild der heimgesuchten und verwahrlosten Stadt, w&#252;st seinem Geiste vorschwebend, entz&#252;ndete in ihm Hoffnungen, unsagbar, die Vernunft &#252;berschreitend, und von ungeheuerlicher S&#252;&#223;igkeit. Was war ihm das zarte Gl&#252;ck, von dem er vorhin einen Augenblick getr&#228;umt, verglichen mit diesen Erwartungen? Was galt ihm noch Kunst und Tugend gegen&#252;ber den Vorteilen des Chaos? Er schwieg und blieb.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In dieser Nacht hatte er einen furchtbaren Traum,&#8212;wenn man als Traum ein k&#246;rperhaft-geistiges Erlebnis bezeichnen kann, das ihm zwar im tiefsten Schlaf und in v&#246;lligster Unabh&#228;ngigkeit und sinnlicher Gegenwart widerfuhr, aber ohne da&#223; er sich au&#223;er den Geschehnissen im Raume wandelnd und anwesend sah; sondern ihr Schauplatz war vielmehr seine Seele selbst, und sie brachen von au&#223;en herein, seinen Widerstand&#8212;einen tiefen und geistigen Widerstand&#8212;gewaltt&#228;tig niederwerfend, gingen hindurch und lie&#223;en seine Existenz, lie&#223;en die Kultur seines Lebens verheert, vernichtet zur&#252;ck.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Angst war der Anfang, Angst und Lust und eine entsetzte Neugier nach dem, was kommen wollte. Nacht herrschte, und seine Sinne lauschten; denn weither n&#228;herte sich Get&#252;mmel, Get&#246;se, ein Gemisch von L&#228;rm: Rasseln, Schmettern und dumpfes Donnern, schrilles Jauchzen dazu und ein bestimmtes Geheul im gezogenen u-Laut, alles durchsetzt und grauenhaft s&#252;&#223; &#252;bert&#246;nt von tief girrendem, ruchlos beharrlichen Fl&#246;tenspiel, welches auf schamlos zudringende Art die Eingeweide bezauberte. Aber er wu&#223;te ein Wort, dunkel, doch das benennend was kam: &#187;Der fremde Gott!&#171; Qualmige Glut glomm auf: da erkannte er Bergland, &#228;hnlich dem um sein Sommerhaus. Und in zerrissenem Licht, von bewaldeter H&#246;he, zwischen St&#228;mmen und moosigen Felstr&#252;mmern w&#228;lzte es sich und st&#252;rzte wirbelnd herab: Menschen, Tiere, ein Schwarm, eine tobende Rotte, und &#252;berschwemmte die Halde mit Leibern, Flammen, Tumult und taumelndem Rundtanz. Weiber, strauchelnd &#252;ber zu lange Fellgew&#228;nder, die ihnen vom G&#252;rtel hingen, sch&#252;ttelten Schellentrommeln &#252;ber ihren st&#246;hnend zur&#252;ckgeworfenen H&#228;uptern, schwangen stiebende Fackelbr&#228;nde und nackte Dolche, hielten z&#252;ngelnde Schlangen in der Mitte des Leibes erfa&#223;t oder trugen schreiend ihre Br&#252;ste in beiden H&#228;nden. M&#228;nner, H&#246;rner &#252;ber den Stirnen, mit Pelzwerk gesch&#252;rzt und zottig von Haut, beugten die Nacken und hoben Arme und Schenkel, lie&#223;en eherne Becken erdr&#246;hnen und schlugen w&#252;tend auf Pauken, w&#228;hrend glatte Knaben mit umlaubten St&#228;ben B&#246;cke stachelten, an deren H&#246;rner sie sich klammerten und von deren Spr&#252;ngen sie sich jauchzend schleifen lie&#223;en. Und die Begeisterten heulten den Ruf aus weichen Mitlauten und gezogenem u-Ruf am Ende, s&#252;&#223; und wild zugleich, wie kein jemals erh&#246;rter: hier klang er auf, in die L&#252;fte ger&#246;hrt, wie von Hirschen, und dort gab man ihn wieder, vielstimmig, in w&#252;stem Triumph, hetzte einander damit zum Tanz und Schleudern der Glieder und lie&#223; ihn niemals verstummen. Aber alles durchdrang und beherrschte der tiefe, lockende Fl&#246;tenton. Lockte er nicht auch ihn, den widerstrebend Erlebenden, schamlos beharrlich zum Fest und Unma&#223; des &#228;u&#223;ersten Opfers? Gro&#223; war sein Abscheu, gro&#223; seine Furcht, redlich sein Wille, bis zuletzt das Seine zu sch&#252;tzen gegen den Fremden, den Feind des gefa&#223;ten und w&#252;rdigen Geistes. Aber der L&#228;rm, das Geheul, vervielfacht von hallender Bergwand, wuchs, nahm &#220;berhand, schwoll zu hinrei&#223;endem Wahnsinn. D&#252;nste bedr&#228;ngten den Sinn, der beizende Ruch der B&#246;cke, Witterung keuchender Leiber und ein Hauch wie von faulenden Wassern, dazu ein anderer noch, vertraut: nach Wunden und umlaufender Krankheit. Mit den Paukenschl&#228;gen dr&#246;hnte sein Herz, sein Gehirn kreiste, Wut ergriff ihn, Verblendung, bet&#228;ubende Wollust, und seine Seele begehrte, sich anzuschlie&#223;en dem Reigen des Gottes. Das obsz&#246;ne Symbol, riesig, aus Holz, ward enth&#252;llt und erh&#246;ht: da heulten sie z&#252;gelloser die Losung. Schaum vor den Lippen tobten sie, reizten einander mit geilen Geb&#228;rden und buhlenden H&#228;nden, lachend und &#228;chzend,&#8212;stie&#223;en die Stachelst&#228;be einander ins Fleisch und leckten das Blut von den Gliedern. Aber mit ihnen, in ihnen war der Tr&#228;umende nun und dem fremden Gotte geh&#246;rig. Ja, sie waren er selbst, als sie rei&#223;end und mordend sich auf die Tiere hinwarfen und dampfende Fetzen verschlangen, als auf zerw&#252;hltem Moosgrund grenzenlose Vermischung begann, dem Gotte zum Opfer. Und seine Seele kostete Unzucht und Raserei des Unterganges.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aus diesem Traum erwachte der Heimgesuchte entnervt, zerr&#252;ttet und kraftlos dem D&#228;mon verfallen. Er scheute nicht mehr die beobachtenden Blicke der Menschen; ob er sich ihrem Verdacht aussetze, k&#252;mmerte ihn nicht. Auch flohen sie ja, reisten ab; zahlreiche Strandh&#252;tten standen leer, die Besetzung des Speisesaals wies gr&#246;&#223;ere L&#252;cken auf, und in der Stadt sah man selten noch einen Fremden. Die Wahrheit schien durchgesickert, die Panik, trotz z&#228;hen Zusammenhaltens der Interessenten, nicht l&#228;nger hintanzuhalten. Aber die Frau im Perlenschmuck blieb mit den Ihren, sei es, weil die Ger&#252;chte nicht zu ihr drangen, oder weil sie zu stolz und furchtlos war, um ihnen zu weichen: Tadzio blieb; und jenem, in seiner Umfangenheit, war es zuweilen, als k&#246;nne Flucht und Tod alles st&#246;rende Leben in der Runde entfernen und er allein mit dem Sch&#246;nen auf dieser Insel zur&#252;ckbleiben,&#8212;ja, wenn vormittags am Meere sein Blick schwer, unverantwortlich, unverwandt auf dem Begehrten ruhte, wenn er bei sinkendem Tage durch Gassen, in denen verheimlichterweise das ekle Sterben umging, ihm unw&#252;rdig nachfolgte, so schien das Ungeheuerliche ihm aussichtsreich und hinf&#228;llig das Sittengesetz.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Wie irgend ein Liebender w&#252;nschte er, zu gefallen und empfand bittere Angst, da&#223; es nicht m&#246;glich sein m&#246;chte. Er f&#252;gte seinem Anz&#252;ge jugendlich aufheiternde Einzelheiten hinzu, er legte Edelsteine an und benutzte Parf&#252;ms, er brauchte mehrmals am Tage viel Zeit f&#252;r seine Toilette und kam geschm&#252;ckt, erregt und gespannt zu Tische. Angesichts der s&#252;&#223;en Jugend, die es ihm angetan, ekelte ihn sein alternder Leib, der Anblick seines grauen Haares, seiner scharfen Gesichtsz&#252;ge st&#252;rzte ihn in Scham und Hoffnungslosigkeit. Es trieb ihn, sich k&#246;rperlich zu erquicken und wiederherzustellen; er besuchte h&#228;ufig den Coiffeur des Hauses.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Im Frisiermantel, unter den pflegenden H&#228;nden des Schw&#228;tzers im Stuhle zur&#252;ckgelehnt, betrachtete er gequ&#228;lten Blickes sein Spiegelbild.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#187;Grau&#171;, sagte er mit verzerrtem Munde.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#187;Ein wenig&#171;, antwortete der Mensch. &#187;N&#228;mlich durch Schuld einer kleinen Vernachl&#228;ssigung, einer Indifferenz in &#228;u&#223;erlichen Dingen, die bei bedeutenden Personen begreiflich ist, die man aber doch nicht unbedingt loben kann und zwar umso weniger, als gerade solchen Personen Vorurteile in Sachen des Nat&#252;rlichen oder K&#252;nstlichen wenig angemessen sind. W&#252;rde sich die Sittenstrenge gewisser Leute gegen&#252;ber der kosmetischen Kunst logischerweise auch auf ihre Z&#228;hne erstrecken, so w&#252;rden sie nicht wenig Ansto&#223; erregen. Schlie&#223;lich sind wir so alt, wie unser Geist, unser Herz sich f&#252;hlen, und graues Haar bedeutet unter Umst&#228;nden eine wirklichere Unwahrheit, als die verschm&#228;hte Korrektur bedeuten w&#252;rde. In Ihrem Falle, mein Herr, hat man ein Recht auf seine nat&#252;rliche Haarfarbe. Sie erlauben mir, Ihnen die Ihrige einfach zur&#252;ckzugeben?&#171;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#187;Wie das?&#171; fragte Aschenbach.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Da wusch der Beredte das Haar des Gastes mit zweierlei Wasser, einem klaren und einem dunklen, und es war schwarz wie in jungen Jahren. Er bog es hierauf mit der Brennscheere in weiche Lagen, trat r&#252;ckw&#228;rts und musterte das behandelte Haupt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#187;Es w&#228;re nun nur noch&#171;, sagte er, &#187;die Gesichtshaut ein wenig aufzufrischen.&#171;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Und wie jemand, der nicht enden, sich nicht genug tun kann, ging er mit immer neu belebter Gesch&#228;ftigkeit von einer Hantierung zur anderen &#252;ber. Aschenbach, bequem ruhend, der Abwehr nicht f&#228;hig, hoffnungsvoll erregt vielmehr von dem, was geschah, sah im Glase seine Brauen sich entschiedener und ebenm&#228;&#223;iger w&#246;lben, den Schnitt seiner Augen sich verl&#228;ngern, ihren Glanz durch eine leichte Untermalung des Lides sich heben, sah weiter unten, wo die Haut br&#228;unlich-ledern gewesen, weich aufgetragen, ein zartes Karmin erwachen, seine Lippen, blutarm soeben noch, himbeerfarben schwellen, die Furchen der Wangen, des Mundes, die Runzeln der Augen unter Cr&#232;me und Jugendhauch verschwinden,&#8212;erblickte mit Herzklopfen einen bl&#252;henden J&#252;ngling. Der Kosmetiker gab sich endlich zufrieden, indem er nach Art solcher Leute dem, den er bedient hatte, mit kriechender H&#246;flichkeit dankte. &#187;Eine unbedeutende Nachhilfe&#171;, sagte er, indem er eine letzte Hand an Aschenbachs &#196;u&#223;eres legte. &#187;Nun kann der Herr sich unbedenklich verlieben.&#171; Der Ber&#252;ckte ging, traumgl&#252;cklich, verwirrt und furchtsam. Seine Krawatte war rot, sein breitschattender Strohhut mit einem mehrfarbigen Bande umwunden.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lauwarmer Sturmwind war aufgekommen; es regnete selten und sp&#228;rlich, aber die Luft war feucht, dick und von F&#228;ulnisd&#252;nsten erf&#252;llt. Flattern, Klatschen und Sausen umgab das Geh&#246;r, und dem unter der Schminke Fiebernden schienen Windgeister &#252;blen Geschlechts im Raume ihr Wesen zu treiben, unholdes Gev&#246;gel des Meeres, das des Verurteilten Mahl zerw&#252;hlt, zernagt und mit Unrat sch&#228;ndet. Denn die Schw&#252;le wehrte der E&#223;lust, und die Vorstellung dr&#228;ngte sich auf, da&#223; die Speisen mit Ansteckungsstoffen vergiftet seien.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Auf den Spuren des Sch&#246;nen hatte Aschenbach sich eines Nachmittags in das innere Gewirr der kranken Stadt vertieft. Mit versagendem Ortssinn, da die G&#228;&#223;chen, Gew&#228;sser, Br&#252;cken und Pl&#228;tzchen des Labyrinthes zu sehr einander gleichen, auch der Himmelsgegenden nicht mehr sicher, war er durchaus darauf bedacht, das sehnlich verfolgte Bild nicht aus den Augen zu verlieren, und zu schm&#228;hlicher Behutsamkeit gen&#246;tigt, an Mauern gedr&#252;ckt, hinter dem R&#252;cken Vorangehender Schutz suchend, ward er sich lange nicht der M&#252;digkeit, der Ersch&#246;pfung bewu&#223;t, welche Gef&#252;hl und immerw&#228;hrende Spannung seinem K&#246;rper, seinem Geiste zugef&#252;gt hatten. Tadzio ging hinter den Seinen, er lie&#223; der Pflegerin und den nonnen&#228;hnlichen Schwestern in der Enge gew&#246;hnlich den Vortritt, und einzeln schlendernd wandte er zuweilen das Haupt, um sich &#252;ber die Schulter hinweg der Gefolgschaft seines Liebhabers mit einem Blick seiner eigent&#252;mlich d&#228;mmergrauen Augen zu versichern. Er sah ihn, und er verriet ihn nicht. Berauscht von dieser Erkenntnis, von diesen Augen vorw&#228;rts gelockt, am Narrenseile geleitet von der Passion, stahl der Verliebte sich seiner unziemlichen Hoffnung nach&#8212;und sah sich schlie&#223;lich dennoch um ihren Anblick betrogen. Die Polen hatten eine kurz gew&#246;lbte Br&#252;cke &#252;berschritten, die H&#246;he des Bogens verbarg sie dem Nachfolgenden, und seinerseits hinaufgelangt, entdeckte er sie nicht mehr. Er forschte nach ihnen in drei Richtungen, geradeaus und nach beiden Seiten den schmalen und schmutzigen Quai entlang, vergebens. Entnervung, Hinf&#228;lligkeit n&#246;tigten ihn endlich, vom Suchen abzulassen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sein Kopf brannte, sein K&#246;rper war mit klebrigem Schwei&#223; bedeckt, sein Genick zitterte, ein nicht mehr ertr&#228;glicher Durst peinigte ihn, er sah sich nach irgendwelcher, nach augenblicklicher Labung um. Vor einem kleinen Gem&#252;seladen kaufte er einige Fr&#252;chte, Erdbeeren, &#252;berreife und weiche Ware und a&#223; im Gehen davon. Ein kleiner Platz, verlassen, verwunschen anmutend, &#246;ffnete sich vor ihm, er erkannte ihn, es war hier gewesen, wo er vor Wochen den vereitelten Fluchtplan gefa&#223;t hatte. Auf den Stufen der Zisterne, inmitten des Ortes, lie&#223; er sich niedersinken und lehnte den Kopf an das steinerne Rund. Es war still, Gras wuchs zwischen dem Pflaster. Abf&#228;lle lagen umher. Unter den verwitterten, unregelm&#228;&#223;ig hohen H&#228;usern in der Runde erschien eines palastartig, mit Spitzbogenfenstern, hinter denen die Leere wohnte, und kleinen L&#246;wenbalkonen. Im Erdgescho&#223; eines anderen befand sich eine Apotheke. Warme Windst&#246;&#223;e brachten zuweilen Karbolgeruch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Er sa&#223; dort, der Meister, der w&#252;rdig gewordene K&#252;nstler, der Autor des &#187;Elenden&#171;, der in so vorbildlich reiner Form dem Zigeunertum und der tr&#252;ben Tiefe abgesagt, dem Abgrunde die Sympathie gek&#252;ndigt und das Verworfene verworfen hatte, der Hochgestiegene, der, &#220;berwinder seines Wissens und aller Ironie entwachsen, in die Verbindlichkeiten des Massenzutrauens sich gew&#246;hnt hatte, er, dessen Ruhm amtlich, dessen Name geadelt war und an dessen Styl die Knaben sich zu bilden angehalten wurden,&#8212;er sa&#223; dort, seine Lider waren geschlossen, nur zuweilen glitt, rasch sich wieder verbergend, ein sp&#246;ttischer und betretener Blick seitlich darunter hervor, und seine schlaffen Lippen, kosmetisch aufgeh&#246;ht, bildeten einzelne Worte aus von dem, was sein halb schlummerndes Hirn an seltsamer Traumlogik hervorbrachte.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#187;Denn die Sch&#246;nheit, Phaidros, merke das wohl! nur die Sch&#246;nheit ist g&#246;ttlich und sichtbar zugleich, und so ist sie denn also des Sinnlichen Weg, ist, kleiner Phaidros, der Weg des K&#252;nstlers zum Geiste. Glaubst du nun aber, mein Lieber, da&#223; derjenige jemals Weisheit und wahre Mannesw&#252;rde gewinnen k&#246;nne, f&#252;r den der Weg zum Geistigen durch die Sinne f&#252;hrt? Oder glaubst du vielmehr (ich stelle dir die Entscheidung frei), da&#223; dies ein gef&#228;hrlich-lieblicher Weg sei, wahrhaft ein Irr-und S&#252;ndenweg, der mit Notwendigkeit in die Irre leitet? Denn du mu&#223;t wissen, da&#223; wir Dichter den Weg der Sch&#246;nheit nicht gehen k&#246;nnen, ohne da&#223; Eros sich zugesellt und sich zum F&#252;hrer aufwirft; ja, m&#246;gen wir auch Helden auf unsere Art und z&#252;chtige Kriegsleute sein, so sind wir wie Weiber, denn Leidenschaft ist unsere Erhebung, und unsere Sehnsucht mu&#223; Liebe bleiben,&#8212;das ist unsere Lust und unsere Schande. Siehst du nun wohl, da&#223; wir Dichter nicht weise noch w&#252;rdig sein k&#246;nnen? Da&#223; wir notwendig in die Irre gehen, notwendig liederlich und Abenteurer des Gef&#252;hles bleiben? Die Meisterhaltung unseres Styls ist L&#252;ge und Narrentum, unser Ruhm und Ehrenstand eine Posse, das Vertrauen der Menge zu uns h&#246;chst l&#228;cherlich, Volks-und Jugenderziehung durch die Kunst ein gewagtes, zu verbietendes Unternehmen. Denn wie sollte wohl der zum Erzieher taugen, dem eine unverbesserliche und nat&#252;rliche Richtung zum Abgrunde eingeboren ist? Wir m&#246;chten ihn wohl verleugnen und W&#252;rde gewinnen, aber wie wir uns auch wenden m&#246;gen, er zieht uns an. So sagen wir etwa der aufl&#246;senden Erkenntnis ab, denn die Erkenntnis, Phaidros, hat keine W&#252;rde und Strenge: sie ist wissend, verstehend, verzeihend, ohne Haltung und Form; sie hat Sympathie mit dem Abgrund, sie ist der Abgrund. Diese also verwerfen wir mit Entschlossenheit, und fortan gilt unser Trachten einzig der Sch&#246;nheit, das will sagen der Einfachheit, Gr&#246;&#223;e und neuen Strenge, der zweiten Unbefangenheit und der Form. Aber Form und Unbefangenheit, Phaidros, f&#252;hren zum Rausch und zur Begierde, f&#252;hren den Edlen vielleicht zu grauenhaftem Gef&#252;hlsfrevel, den seine eigene sch&#246;ne Strenge als infam verwirft, f&#252;hren zum Abgrund, zum Abgrund auch sie. Uns Dichter, sage ich, f&#252;hren sie dahin, denn wir verm&#246;gen nicht, uns aufzuschwingen, wir verm&#246;gen nur auszuschweifen. Und nun gehe ich, Phaidros, bleibe du hier; und erst wenn du mich nicht mehr siehst, so gehe auch du.&#171;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
* * * * *&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Einige Tage sp&#228;ter verlie&#223; Gustav von Aschenbach, da er sich leidend f&#252;hlte, das B&#228;der-Hotel zu sp&#228;terer Morgenstunde als gew&#246;hnlich. Er hatte mit gewissen, nur halb k&#246;rperlichen Schwindelanf&#228;llen zu k&#228;mpfen, die von einer heftig aufsteigenden Angst und Ratlosigkeit begleitet waren, einem Gef&#252;hl der Ausweg-und Aussichtslosigkeit, von dem nicht klar wurde, ob es sich auf die &#228;u&#223;ere Welt oder auf seine eigene Existenz bezog. In der Halle bemerkte er eine gro&#223;e Menge zum Transport bereitliegenden Gep&#228;cks, fragte einen T&#252;rh&#252;ter, wer es sei, der reise, und erhielt zur Antwort den polnischen Adelsnamen, dessen er insgeheim gew&#228;rtig gewesen war. Er empfing ihn, ohne da&#223; seine verfallenen Gesichtsz&#252;ge sich ver&#228;ndert h&#228;tten, mit jener kurzen Hebung des Kopfes, mit der man etwas, was man nicht zu wissen brauchte, beil&#228;ufig zur Kenntnis nimmt, und fragte noch: &#187;Wann?&#171; Man antwortete ihm: &#187;Nach dem Lunch.&#171; Er nickte und ging zum Meere.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Es war unwirtlich dort. &#220;ber das weite, flache Gew&#228;sser, das den Strand von der ersten gestreckten Sandbank trennte, liefen kr&#228;uselnde Schauer von vorn nach hinten. Herbstlichkeit, &#220;berlebtheit schien &#252;ber dem einst so farbig belebten, nun fast verlassenen Lustorte zu liegen, dessen Sand nicht mehr reinlich gehalten wurde. Ein photographischer Apparat, scheinbar herrenlos, stand auf seinem dreibeinigen Stativ am Rande der See, und ein schwarzes Tuch, dar&#252;ber gebreitet, flatterte klatschend im k&#228;lteren Winde.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tadzio, mit drei oder vier Gespielen, die ihm geblieben waren, bewegte sich zur Rechten vor der H&#252;tte der Seinen, und, eine Decke &#252;ber den Knieen, etwa in der Mitte zwischen dem Meer und der Reihe der Strandh&#252;tten in seinem Liegestuhl ruhend, sah Aschenbach ihm noch einmal zu. Das Spiel, das unbeaufsichtigt war, denn die Frauen mochten mit Reisevorbereitungen besch&#228;ftigt sein, schien regellos und artete aus. Jener St&#228;mmige, im G&#252;rtelanzug und mit schwarzem, pomadisiertem Haar, der &#187;Jaschu&#171; gerufen wurde, durch einen Sandwurf ins Gesicht gereizt und geblendet, zwang Tadzio zum Ringkampf, der rasch mit dem Fall des schw&#228;cheren Sch&#246;nen endete. Aber als ob in der Abschiedsstunde das dienende Gef&#252;hl des Geringeren sich in grausame Roheit verkehre und f&#252;r eine lange Sklaverei Rache zu nehmen trachte, lie&#223; der Sieger auch dann noch nicht von dem Unterlegenen ab, sondern dr&#252;ckte, auf seinem R&#252;cken knieend, dessen Gesicht so anhaltend in den Sand, da&#223; Tadzio, ohnedies vom Kampf au&#223;er Atem, zu ersticken drohte. Seine Versuche, den Lastenden abzusch&#252;tteln, waren krampfhaft, sie unterblieben auf Augenblicke ganz und wiederholten sich nur noch als ein Zucken. Entsetzt wollte Aschenbach zur Rettung aufspringen, als der Gewaltt&#228;tige endlich sein Opfer freigab. Tadzio, sehr bleich, richtete sich zur H&#228;lfte auf und sa&#223;, auf einen Arm gest&#252;tzt, mehrere Minuten lang unbeweglich, mit verwirrtem Haar und dunkelnden Augen. Dann stand er vollends auf und entfernte sich langsam. Man rief ihn, anf&#228;nglich munter, dann b&#228;nglich und bittend; er h&#246;rte nicht. Der Schwarze, den Reue &#252;ber seine Ausschreitung sogleich erfa&#223;t haben mochte, holte ihn ein und suchte ihn zu vers&#246;hnen. Eine Schulterbewegung wies ihn zur&#252;ck. Tadzio ging schr&#228;g hinunter zum Wasser. Er war barfu&#223; und trug seinen gestreiften Leinenanzug mit roter Schleife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Am Rande der Flut verweilte er sich, gesenkten Hauptes mit einer Fu&#223;spitze Figuren im feuchten Sande zeichnend, und ging dann in die seichte Vorsee, die an ihrer tiefsten Stelle noch nicht seine Knie benetzte, durchschritt sie, l&#228;ssig vordringend, und gelangte zur Sandbank. Dort stand er einen Augenblick, das Gesicht der Weite zugekehrt, und begann hierauf, die lange und schmale Strecke entbl&#246;&#223;ten Grundes nach links hin langsam abzuschreiten. Vom Festlande geschieden durch breite Wasser, geschieden von den Genossen durch stolze Laune, wandelte er, eine h&#246;chst abgesonderte und verbindungslose Erscheinung, mit flatterndem Haar dort drau&#223;en im Meere, im Winde, vorm Nebelhaft-Grenzenlosen. Abermals blieb er zur Ausschau stehen. Und pl&#246;tzlich, wie unter einer Erinnerung, einem Impuls, wandte er den Oberk&#246;rper, eine Hand in der H&#252;fte, in sch&#246;ner Drehung aus seiner Grundpositur und blickte &#252;ber die Schulter zum Ufer. Der Schauende dort sa&#223; wie er einst gesessen, als zuerst, von jener Schwelle zur&#252;ckgesandt, dieser d&#228;mmergraue Blick dem seinen begegnet war. Sein Haupt war an der Lehne des Stuhles langsam der Bewegung des drau&#223;en Schreitenden gefolgt; nun hob es sich, gleichsam dem Blicke entgegen, und sank auf die Brust, so da&#223; seine Augen von unten sahen, indes sein Antlitz den schlaffen, innig versunkenen Ausdruck tiefen Schlummers zeigte. Ihm war aber, als ob der bleiche und liebliche Psychagog dort drau&#223;en ihm l&#228;chle, ihm winke; als ob er, die Hand aus der H&#252;fte l&#246;send, hinausdeute, voranschwebe ins Verhei&#223;ungsvoll-Ungeheure. Und wie so oft machte er sich auf, ihm zu folgen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Minuten vergingen, bis man dem seitlich im Stuhle Hinabgesunkenen zur&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hilfe eilte. Man brachte ihn auf sein Zimmer. Und noch desselben Tages&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
empfing eine respektvoll ersch&#252;tterte Welt die Nachricht von seinem&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tode.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;below&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;E-BOOK&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;div class='spip_document_10697 spip_document spip_documents spip_document_file spip_documents_center spip_document_center spip_document_avec_legende' data-legende-len=&#034;30&#034; data-legende-lenx=&#034;&#034;
&gt;
&lt;figure class=&#034;spip_doc_inner&#034;&gt;
&lt;a href='https://www.prosperosisle.org/IMG/epub/the_death_in_venice.epub?10697/77de0bfb2443108d8466b34150c89d511f88cfed77e1e2e60df2b3f0db0b1748' class=&#034; spip_doc_lien&#034; title='EPUB - 253.7 KiB' type=&#034;application/epub+zip&#034;&gt;&lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L64xH64/epub-e5bbb.svg?1777976333' width='64' height='64' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;
&lt;figcaption class='spip_doc_legende'&gt; &lt;div class='spip_doc_descriptif '&gt;&#034;The Death in Venice&#034; e-book
&lt;/div&gt; &lt;/figcaption&gt;&lt;/figure&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;FOOTNOTES&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The translation-footnotes below have been added for this edition.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/div&gt;
		&lt;hr /&gt;
		&lt;div class='rss_notes'&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb1&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh1&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 1&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;1&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;whose name is a subtle reference to two of Mann's most important cultural models, Gustav Mahler and Wagner (whose celebrated opera &lt;i&gt;Tannh&#228;user&lt;/i&gt; features the knight Wolfram von Eschenbach), both of whom died in Venice.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb2&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh2&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 2&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;2&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;why is &lt;i&gt;&#8220;Der Tot in Venedig&#8221;&lt;/i&gt; usually translated as &lt;i&gt;Death in Venice&lt;/i&gt;? Mann wanted a singular definite article in there and who are we to take it out?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb3&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh3&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 3&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;3&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;motus animi continuus&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; continuous emotional movement&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb4&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh4&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 4&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;4&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;bersagliere&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; elite (Italian) riflemen&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb5&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh5&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 5&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;5&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;vaporetto&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; Venetian boat-bus&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;
		
		</content:encoded>


		

	</item>
<item xml:lang="en">
		<title>&#034;Buddenbrooks&#034; by Thomas Mann (1900)</title>
		<link>https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?article1453</link>
		<guid isPermaLink="true">https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?article1453</guid>
		<dc:date>2026-07-07T05:10:50Z</dc:date>
		<dc:format>text/html</dc:format>
		<dc:language>en</dc:language>
		<dc:creator>Thomas Mann</dc:creator>



		<description>
&lt;p&gt;The saga of the rise and fall of a family in the Hanseatic (Baltic) town of L&#252;beck, written when Mann was only 25, an enormous best-seller at the time and afterwards. Splendidly recounting in many memorable chapters and passages &#8211; notably an unforgettable chapter about a catastrophic day at school of the young Hanno Buddenbreooks &#8211; the ups and especially downs of a once-distinguished and wealthy family, this masterwork was cited by the jury as the main reason for awarding the distinguished (&#8230;)&lt;/p&gt;


-
&lt;a href="https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?rubrique36" rel="directory"&gt;Novels&lt;/a&gt;


		</description>


 <content:encoded>&lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L95xH150/buddenbrooks_-_cover-b4b06.png?1783402716' class='spip_logo spip_logo_right' width='95' height='150' alt=&#034;&#034; /&gt;
		&lt;div class='rss_texte'&gt;&lt;p&gt;The saga of the rise and fall of a family in the Hanseatic (Baltic) town of L&#252;beck, written when Mann was only 25, an enormous best-seller at the time and afterwards. Splendidly recounting in many memorable chapters and passages &#8211; notably an unforgettable chapter about a catastrophic day at school of the young Hanno Buddenbreooks &#8211; the ups and especially downs of a once-distinguished and wealthy family, this masterwork was cited by the jury as the main reason for awarding the distinguished author of &lt;a href='https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?article31#MagicMountain' class=&#034;spip_in&#034;&gt;&lt;i&gt;The Magic Mountain&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/a&gt; the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1929.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Translated from the German by H. T. Lowe-Porter for Alfred&#183;A&#183;Knopf&#183;New York, 1927&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;(232,000 words)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;An e-book is available for downloading &lt;a href=&#034;#below&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;below&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;&lt;div class='spip_document_10692 spip_document spip_documents spip_document_image spip_documents_center spip_document_center'&gt;
&lt;figure class=&#034;spip_doc_inner&#034;&gt; &lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L350xH550/98b3a6bf60553336-67eacfe0-52bfb.png?1783401760' width='350' height='550' alt='' /&gt;
&lt;/figure&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;BUDDENBROOKS&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;TABLE OF CONTENTS&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTONE&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART ONE&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTTWO&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART TWO&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTTHREE&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART THREE&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTFOUR&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART FOUR&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTFIVE&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART FIVE&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTSIX&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART SIX&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTSEVEN&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART SEVEN&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTEIGHT&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART EIGHT&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTNINE&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART NINE&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTTEN&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART TEN&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTELEVEN&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART ELEVEN&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTONE&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART ONE&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;And&#8212;and&#8212;what comes next?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, yes, what the dickens does come next? &lt;i&gt;C'est la question, ma tr&#232;s ch&#232;re demoiselle&lt;/i&gt;!&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb1&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;C'est la question, ma tr&#232;s ch&#232;re demoiselle! &#8211; that's the question, my dear (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh1&#034;&gt;1&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Consul Buddenbrook shot a glance at her husband and came to the rescue of her little daughter. She sat with her mother-in-law on a straight white-enamelled sofa with yellow cushions and a gilded lion's head at the top. The Consul was in his easy-chair beside her, and the child perched on her grandfather's knee in the window.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tony,&#8221; prompted the Frau Consul, &#8220;&#8216;I believe that God'&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dainty little eight-year-old Antonie, in her light shot-silk frock, turned her head away from her grandfather and stared aimlessly about the room with her blue-grey eyes, trying hard to remember. Once more she repeated &#8220;What comes next?&#8221; and went on slowly: &#8220;&#8216;I believe that God'&#8212;&#8221; and then, her face brightening, briskly finished the sentence: &#8220;&#8216;created me, together with all living creatures.'&#8221; She was in smooth waters now, and rattled away, beaming with joy, through the whole Article, reproducing it word for word from the Catechism just promulgated, with the approval of an omniscient Senate, in that very year of grace 1835. When you were once fairly started, she thought, it was very like going down &#8220;Mount Jerusalem&#8221; with your brothers on the little sled: you had no time to think, and you couldn't stop even if you wanted to.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;And clothes and shoes,'&#8221; she said, &#8220;&#8216;meat and drink, hearth and home, wife and child, acre and cow....'&#8221; But old Johann Buddenbrook could hold in no longer. He burst out laughing, in a high, half-smothered titter, in his glee at being able to make fun of the Catechism. He had probably put the child through this little examination with no other end in view. He inquired after Tony's acre and cow, asked how much she wanted for a sack of wheat, and tried to drive a bargain with her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His round, rosy, benevolent face, which never would look cross no matter how hard he tried, was set in a frame of snow-white powdered hair, and the suggestion of a pigtail fell over the broad collar of his mouse-coloured coat. His double chin rested comfortably on a white lace frill. He still, in his seventies, adhered to the fashions of his youth: only the lace frogs and the big pockets were missing. And never in all his life had he worn a pair of trousers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They had all joined in his laughter, but largely as a mark of respect for the head of the family. Madame Antoinette Buddenbrook, born Duchamps, tittered in precisely the same way as her husband. She was a stout lady, with thick white curls over her ears, dressed in a plain gown of striped black and grey stuff which betrayed the native quiet simplicity of her character. Her hands were still white and lovely, and she held a little velvet work-bag on her lap. It was strange to see how she had grown, in time, to look like her husband. Only her dark eyes, by their shape and their liveliness, suggested her half-Latin origin. On her grandfather's side Madame Buddenbrook was of French-Swiss stock, though born in Hamburg.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her daughter-in-law, Frau Consul Elizabeth Buddenbrook, born Kr&#246;ger, laughed the sputtering Kr&#246;ger laugh and tucked in her chin as the Kr&#246;gers did. She could not be called a beauty, but, like all the Kr&#246;gers, she looked distinguished; she moved with graceful deliberation and had a clear, well-modulated voice. People liked her and felt confidence in her. Her reddish hair curled over her ears and was piled in a crown on top of her head; and she had the brilliant white complexion that goes with such hair, set off with a tiny freckle here and there. Her nose was rather too long, her mouth somewhat small; her most striking facial peculiarity was the shape of her lower lip, which ran straight into the chin without a curve. She had on a short bodice with high puffed sleeves, that left exposed a flawlessly modelled neck adorned with a spray of diamonds on a satin ribbon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul was leaning forward in his easy-chair, rather fidgety. He wore a cinnamon-coloured coat with wide lapels and leg-of-mutton sleeves close-fitting at the wrists, and white linen trousers with black stripes up the outside seams. His chin nestled in a stiff choker collar, around which was folded a silk cravat that flowed down amply over his flowered waistcoat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had his father's deep-set blue observant eyes, though their expression was perhaps more dreamy; but his features were clearer-cut and more serious, his nose was prominent and aquiline, and his cheeks, half-covered with a fair curling beard, were not so plump as the old man's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Buddenbrook put her hand on her daughter-in-law's arm and looked down at her lap with a giggle. &#8220;Oh, &lt;i&gt;mon vieux&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;he's always the same, isn't he, Betsy?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul's wife only made a motion with her delicate hand, so that her gold bangles tinkled slightly. Then, with a gesture habitual to her, she drew her finger across her face from the corner of her mouth to her forehead, as if she were smoothing back a stray hair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the Consul said, half-smiling, yet with mild reproach: &#8220;There you go again, Father, making fun of sacred things.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were sitting in the &#8220;landscape-room&#8221; on the first floor of the rambling old house in Meng Street, which the firm of Johann Buddenbrook had acquired some time since, though the family had not lived in it long. The room was hung with heavy resilient tapestries put up in such a way that they stood well out from the walls. They were woven in soft tones to harmonize with the carpet, and they depicted idyllic landscapes in the style of the eighteenth century, with merry vine-dressers, busy husbandmen, and gaily beribboned shepherdesses who sat beside crystal streams with spotless lambs in their laps or exchanged kisses with amorous shepherds. These scenes were usually lighted by a pale yellow sunset to match the yellow coverings on the white-enamelled furniture and the yellow silk curtains at the two windows.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For the size of the room, the furniture was rather scant. A round table, its slender legs decorated with fine lines of gilding, stood, not in front of the sofa, but by the wall opposite the little harmonium, on which lay a flute-case; some stiff arm-chairs were ranged in a row round the walls; there was a sewing-table by the window, and a flimsy ornamental writing-desk laden with knick-knacks.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the other side of the room from the windows was a glass door, through which one looked into the semi-darkness of a pillared hall; and on the left were the lofty white folding doors that led to the dining-room. A semi-circular niche in the remaining wall was occupied by the stove, which crackled away behind a polished wrought-iron screen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For cold weather had set in early. The leaves of the little lime-trees around the churchyard of St. Mary's, across the way, had turned yellow, though it was but mid-October. The wind whistled around the corners of the massive Gothic pile, and a cold, thin rain was falling. On Madame Buddenbrook's account, the double windows had already been put in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was Thursday, the day on which all the members of the family living in town assembled every second week, by established custom. To-day, however, a few intimate friends as well had been bidden to a family dinner; and now, towards four o'clock in the afternoon, the Buddenbrooks sat in the gathering twilight and awaited their guests.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Little Antonie had not let her grandfather interfere with her toboggan-ride. She merely pouted, sticking out her already prominent upper lip still further over the lower one. She was at the bottom of her Mount Jerusalem, but not knowing how to stop herself, she shot over the mark. &#8220;Amen,&#8221; she said. &#8220;I know something, Grandfather.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Tiens&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; cried the old gentleman. &#8220;She knows something!&#8221; He made as if he were itching all over with curiosity. &#8220;Did you hear, Mamma? She knows something. Can any one tell me&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If the lightning,&#8221; uttered Tony, nodding her head with every word, &#8220;sets something on fire, then it's the lightning that strikes. If it doesn't, why, then it's the thunder!&#8221; She folded her arms and looked around her like one sure of applause. But old Buddenbrook was annoyed by this display of wisdom. He demanded to know who had taught her such nonsense. It turned out that the culprit was the nursery governess, Ida Jungmann, who had lately been engaged from Marienwerder. The Consul had to come to her defence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are too strict, Papa. Why shouldn't the child have her own little ideas about such things, at her age?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Excusez, mon cher!... Mais c'est une folie&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb2&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Excusez, mon cher!... Mais c'est une folie &#8211; excuse me, my dear &#8230; but that's (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh2&#034;&gt;2&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;! You know I don't like the children's heads muddled with such things. &#8216;The thunder strikes,' does it? Oh, very well, let it strike, and get along with your Prussian woman!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The truth was, the old gentleman hadn't a good word to say for Ida Jungmann. Not that he was narrow-minded. He had seen something of the world, having travelled by coach to Southern Germany in 1813 to buy up wheat for the Prussian army; he had been to Amsterdam and Paris, and was too enlightened to condemn everything that lay beyond the gabled roofs of his native town. But in social intercourse he was more apt than his son to draw the line rigidly and give the cold shoulder to strangers. So when this young girl&#8212;she was then only twenty&#8212;had come back with his children from a visit to Western Prussia, as a sort of charity-child, the old man had made his son a scene for the act of piety, in which he spoke hardly anything but French and low German. Ida was the daughter of an inn-keeper who had died just before the Buddenbrooks' arrival in Marienwerder. She had proved to be capable in the household and with the children, and her rigid honesty and Prussian notions of caste made her perfectly suited to her position in the family. She was a person of aristocratic principles, drawing hair-line distinctions between class and class, and very proud of her position as servant of the higher orders. She objected to Tony's making friends with any schoolmate whom she reckoned as belonging only to the respectable middle class.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And now the Prussian woman herself came from the pillared hall through the glass door&#8212;a fairly tall, big-boned girl in a black frock, with smooth hair and an honest face. She held by the hand an extraordinarily thin small child, dressed in a flowered print frock, with lustreless ash-coloured hair and the manner of a little old maid. This was Clothilde, the daughter of a nephew of old Buddenbrook who belonged to a penniless branch of the family and was in business at Rostock as an estates agent. Clothilde was being brought up with Antonie, being about the same age and a docile little creature.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Everything is ready,&#8221; Mamsell Jungmann said. She had had a hard time learning to pronounce her &lt;i&gt;r&lt;/i&gt;'s, so now she rolled them tremendously in her throat. &#8220;Clothilde helped very well in the kitchen, so there was not much for cook to do.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Monsieur Buddenbrook sneered behind his lace frill at Ida's accent. The Consul patted his little niece's cheek and said: &#8220;That's right, Tilda. Work and pray. Tony ought to take a pattern from you; she's far too likely to be saucy and idle.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony dropped her head and looked at her grandfather from under her eyebrows. She knew he would defend her&#8212;he always did.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no,&#8221; he said, &#8220;hold your head up, Tony. Don't let them frighten you. We can't all be alike. Each according to his lights. Tilda is a good girl&#8212;but we're not so bad, either. Hey, Betsy?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He turned to his daughter-in-law, who generally deferred to his views. Madame Antoinette, probably more from shrewdness than conviction, sided with the Consul; and thus the older and the younger generation crossed hands in the dance of life.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are very kind, Papa,&#8221; the Consul's wife said. &#8220;Tony will try her best to grow up a clever and industrious woman.... Have the boys come home from school?&#8221; she asked Ida.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony, who from her perch on her grandfather's knee was looking out the window, called out in the same breath: &#8220;Tom and Christian are coming up Johannes Street ... and Herr Hoffstede ... and Uncle Doctor....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The bells of St. Mary's began to chime, ding-dong, ding-dong&#8212;rather out of time, so that one could hardly tell what they were playing; still, it was very impressive. The big and the little bell announced, the one in lively, the other in dignified tones, that it was four o'clock; and at the same time a shrill peal from the bell over the vestibule door went ringing through the entry, and Tom and Christian entered, together with the first guests, Jean Jacques Hoffstede, the poet, and Doctor Grabow, the family physician.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Herr Jean Jacques Hoffstede was the town poet. He undoubtedly had a few verses in his pocket for the present occasion. He was nearly as old as Johann Buddenbrook, and dressed in much the same style except that his coat was green instead of mouse-coloured. But he was thinner and more active than his old friend, with bright little greenish eyes and a long pointed nose.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Many thanks,&#8221; he said, shaking hands with the gentlemen and bowing before the ladies&#8212;especially the Frau Consul, for whom he entertained a deep regard. Such bows as his it was not given to the younger generation to perform; and he accompanied them with his pleasant quiet smile. &#8220;Many thanks for your kind invitation, my dear good people. We met these two young ones, the Doctor and I&#8221;&#8212;he pointed to Tom and Christian, in their blue tunics and leather belts&#8212;&#8220;in King Street, coming home from school. Fine lads, eh, Frau Consul? Tom is a very solid chap. He'll have to go into the business, no doubt of that. But Christian is a devil of a fellow&#8212;a young &lt;i&gt;incroyable&lt;/i&gt;, hey? I will not conceal my &lt;i&gt;engouement&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb3&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;engouement &#8211; enthusiasm, keen interest&#034; id=&#034;nh3&#034;&gt;3&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. He must study, I think&#8212;he is witty and brilliant.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Old Buddenbrook used his gold snuff-box. &#8220;He's a young monkey, that's what he is. Why not say at once that he is to be a poet, Hoffstede?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mamsell Jungmann drew the curtains, and soon the room was bathed in mellow flickering light from the candles in the crystal chandelier and the sconces on the writing-desk. It lighted up golden gleams in the Frau Consul's hair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Christian,&#8221; she said, &#8220;what did you learn to-day?&#8221; It appeared that Christian had had writing, arithmetic, and singing lessons. He was a boy of seven, who already resembled his father to an almost comic extent. He had the same rather small round deep-set eyes and the same prominent aquiline nose; the lines of his face below the cheek-bones showed that it would not always retain its present childlike fulness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We've been laughing dreadfully,&#8221; he began to prattle, his eyes darting from one to another of the circle. &#8220;What do you think Herr Stengel said to Siegmund Kostermann?&#8221; He bent his back, shook his head, and declaimed impressively: &#8220;&#8216;Outwardly, outwardly, my dear child, you are sleek and smooth; but inwardly, my dear child, you are black and foul.'...&#8221; He mimicked with indescribably funny effect not only the master's odd pronunciation but the look of disgust on his face at the &#8220;outward sleekness&#8221; he described. The whole company burst out laughing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Young monkey!&#8221; repeated old Buddenbrook. But Herr Hoffstede was in ecstasies. &#8220;Charmant!&#8221; he cried. &#8220;If you know Marcellus Stengel&#8212;that's he, to the life. Oh, that's too good!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas, to whom the gift of mimicry had been denied, stood near his younger brother and laughed heartily, without a trace of envy. His teeth were not very good, being small and yellowish. His nose was finely chiselled, and he strikingly resembled his grandfather in the eyes and the shape of the face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The company had for the most part seated themselves on the chairs and the sofa. They talked with the children or discussed the unseasonable cold and the new house. Herr Hoffstede admired a beautiful S&#232;vres inkstand, in the shape of a black and white hunting dog, that stood on the secretary. Doctor Grabow, a man of about the Consul's age, with a long mild face between thin whiskers, was looking at the table, set out with cakes and currant bread and saltcellars in different shapes. This was the &#8220;bread and salt&#8221; that had been sent by friends for the house-warming; but the &#8220;bread&#8221; consisted of rich, heavy pastries, and the salt came in dishes of massive gold, that the senders might not seem to be mean in their gifts.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There will be work for me here,&#8221; said the Doctor, pointing to the sweetmeats and threatening the children with his glance. Shaking his head, he picked up a heavy salt and pepper stand from the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger,&#8221; said old Buddenbrook, with a grimace. &#8220;Our dear kinsman is always open-handed. I did not spend as much on him when he built his summer house outside the Castle Gate. But he has always been like that&#8212;very lordly, very free with his money, a real cavalier &#224;-la-mode....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The bell had rung several times. Pastor Wunderlich was announced; a stout old gentleman in a long black coat and powdered hair. He had twinkling grey eyes set in a face that was jovial if rather pale. He had been a widower for many years, and considered himself a bachelor of the old school, like Herr Gratjens, the broker, who entered with him. Herr Gratjens was a tall man who went around with one of his thin hands up to his eye like a telescope, as if he were examining a painting. He was a well-known art connoisseur.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Among the other guests were Senator Doctor Langhals and his wife, both friends of many years' standing; and K&#246;ppen the wine-merchant, with his great crimson face between enormous padded sleeves. His wife, who came with him, was nearly as stout as he.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was after half-past four when the Kr&#246;gers put in an appearance&#8212;the elders together with their children; the Consul Kr&#246;gers with their sons Jacob and J&#252;rgen, who were about the age of Tom and Christian. On their heels came the parents of Frau Consul Kr&#246;ger, the lumber-dealer &#214;verdieck and his wife, a fond old pair who still addressed each other in public with nicknames from the days of their early love.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fine people come late,&#8221; said Consul Buddenbrook, and kissed his mother-in-law's hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But look at them when they do come!&#8221; and Johann Buddenbrook included the whole Kr&#246;ger connection with a sweeping gesture, and shook the elder Kr&#246;ger by the hand. Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger, the cavalier &#224;-la-mode, was a tall, distinguished figure. He wore his hair slightly powdered, but dressed in the height of fashion, with a double row of jewelled buttons on his velvet waistcoat. His son Justus, with his turned-up mustache and small beard, was very like the father in figure and manner, even to the graceful easy motions of the hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The guests did not sit down, but stood about awaiting the principal event of the evening and passing the time in casual talk. At length, Johann Buddenbrook the older offered his arm to Madame K&#246;ppen and said in an elevated voice, &#8220;Well, &lt;i&gt;mesdames et messieurs&lt;/i&gt;, if you are hungry....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mamsell Jungmann and the servant had opened the folding doors into the dining-room; and the company made its way with studied ease to table. One could be sure of a good square meal at the Buddenbrooks'.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;As the party began to move toward the dining-room, Consul Buddenbrook's hand went to his left breast-pocket and fingered a paper that was inside. The polite smile had left his face, giving place to a strained and care-worn look, and the muscles stood out on his temples as he clenched his teeth. For appearance's sake he made a few steps toward the dining-room, but stopped and sought his mother's eye as she was leaving the room on Pastor Wunderlich's arm, among the last of her guests.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pardon me, dear Herr Pastor ... just a word with you, Mamma.&#8221; The Pastor nodded gaily, and the Consul drew his Mother over to the window of the landscape-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here is a letter from Gotthold,&#8221; he said in low, rapid tones. He took out the sealed and folded paper and looked into her dark eyes. &#8220;That is his writing. It is the third one, and Papa answered only the first. What shall I do? It came at two o'clock, and I ought to have given it to him already, but I do not like to upset him to-day. What do you think? I could call him out here....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you are right, Jean; it is better to wait,&#8221; said Madame Buddenbrook. She grasped her son's arm with a quick, habitual movement. &#8220;What do you suppose is in it?&#8221; she added uneasily. &#8220;The boy won't give in. He's taken it into his head he must be compensated for his share in the house.... No, no, Jean. Not now. To-night, perhaps, before we go to bed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What am I to do?&#8221; repeated the Consul, shaking his bent head. &#8220;I have often wanted to ask Papa to give in. I don't like it to look as if I had schemed against Gotthold and worked myself into a snug place. I don't want Father to look at it like that, either. But, to be honest ... I am a partner, after all. And Betsy and I pay a fair rent for the second storey. It is all arranged with my sister in Frankfort: her husband gets compensation already, in Papa's life-time&#8212;a quarter of the purchase price of the house. That is good business: Papa arranged it very cleverly, and it is very satisfactory from the point of view of the firm. And if Papa acts so unfriendly to Gotthold&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nonsense, Jean. Your position in the matter is quite clear. But it is painful for me to have Gotthold think that his step-mother looks out after her own children and deliberately makes bad blood between him and his father!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But it is his own fault,&#8221; the Consul almost shouted, and then, with a glance at the dining-room door, lowered his voice. &#8220;It is his fault, the whole wretched thing. You can judge for yourself. Why couldn't he be reasonable? Why did he have to go and marry that St&#252;wing girl and ... the shop....&#8221; The Consul gave an angry, embarrassed laugh at the last word. &#8220;It's a weakness of Father's, that prejudice against the shop; but Gotthold ought to have respected it....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Jean, it would be best if Papa would give in.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But ought I to advise him to?&#8221; whispered the Consul excitedly, clapping his hand to his forehead. &#8220;I am an interested party, so I ought to say, Pay it. But I am also a partner. And if Papa thinks he is under no obligation to a disobedient and rebellious son to draw the money out of the working capital of the firm.... It is a matter of eleven thousand thaler, a good bit of money. No, no, I cannot advise him either for or against. I'd rather wash my hands of the whole affair. But the scene with Papa is so &lt;i&gt;d&#233;sagr&#233;able&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Late this evening, Jean. Come now; they are waiting.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul put the paper back into his breast-pocket, offered his arm to his mother, and led her over the threshold into the brightly lighted dining-room, where the company had already taken their places at the long table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The tapestries in this room had a sky-blue background, against which, between slender columns, white figures of gods and goddesses stood out with plastic effect. The heavy red damask window-curtains were drawn; stiff, massive sofas in red damask stood ranged against the walls; and in each corner stood a tall gilt candelabrum with eight flaming candles, besides those in silver sconces on the table. Above the heavy sideboard, on the wall opposite the landscape-room, hung a large painting of an Italian bay, the misty blue atmosphere of which was most effective in the candle-light.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Every trace of care or disquiet had vanished from Madame Buddenbrook's face. She sat down between Pastor Wunderlich and the elder Kr&#246;ger, who presided on the window side.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bon app&#233;tit!&#8221; she said, with her short, quick, hearty nod, flashing a glance down the whole length of the table till it reached the children at the bottom.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Our best respects to you, Buddenbrook&#8212;I repeat, our best respects!&#8221; Herr K&#246;ppen's powerful voice drowned the general conversation as the maid-servant, in her heavy striped petticoat, her fat arms bare and a little white cap on the back of her head, passed the cabbage soup and toast, assisted by Mamsell Jungmann and the Frau Consul's maid from upstairs. The guests began to use their soup-spoons.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Such plenty, such elegance! I must say, you know how to do things!&#8212;I must say&#8212;&#8221; Herr K&#246;ppen had never visited the house in its former owner's time. He did not come of a patrician family, and had only lately become a man of means. He could never quite get rid of certain vulgar tricks of speech&#8212;like the repetition of &#8220;I must say&#8221;; and he said &#8220;respecks&#8221; for &#8220;respects.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It didn't cost anything, either,&#8221; remarked Herr Gratjens drily&#8212;he certainly ought to have known&#8212;and studied the wall-painting through the hollow of his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As far as possible, ladies and gentlemen had been paired off, and members of the family placed between friends of the house. But the arrangement could not be carried out in every case; the two &#214;verdiecks were sitting, as usual, nearly on each other's laps, nodding affectionately at one another. The elder Kr&#246;ger was bolt upright, enthroned between Madame Antoinette and Frau Senator Langhals, dividing his pet jokes and his flourishes between the two ladies.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When was the house built?&#8221; asked Herr Hoffstede diagonally across the table of old Buddenbrook, who was talking in a gay chaffing tone with Madame K&#246;ppen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anno ... let me see ... about 1680, if I am not mistaken. My son is better at dates than I am.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Eighty-two,&#8221; said the Consul, leaning forward. He was sitting at the foot of the table, without a partner, next to Senator Langhals. &#8220;It was finished in the winter of 1682. Ratenkamp and Company were just getting to the top of their form.... Sad, how the firm broke down in the last twenty years!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A general pause in the conversation ensued, lasting for half a minute, while the company looked down at their plates and pondered on the fortunes of the brilliant family who had built and lived in the house and then, broken and impoverished, had left it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; said Broker Gratjens, &#8220;it's sad, when you think of the madness that led to their ruin. If Dietrich Ratenkamp had not taken that fellow Geelmaack for a partner! I flung up my hands, I know, when he came into the management. I have it on the best authority, gentlemen, that he speculated disgracefully behind Ratenkamp's back, and gave notes and acceptances right and left in the firm's name.... Finally the game was up. The banks got suspicious, the firm couldn't give security.... You haven't the least idea ... who looked after the warehouse, even? Geelmaack, perhaps? It was a perfect rats' nest there, year in, year out. But Ratenkamp never troubled himself about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He was like a man paralysed,&#8221; the Consul said. A gloomy, taciturn look came on his face. He leaned over and stirred his soup, now and then giving a quick glance, with his little round deep-set eyes, at the upper end of the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He went about like a man with a load on his mind; I think one can understand his burden. What made him take Geelmaack into the business&#8212;a man who brought painfully little capital, and had not the best of reputations? He must have felt the need of sharing his heavy responsibility with some one, not much matter who, because he realized that the end was inevitable. The firm was ruined, the old family &lt;i&gt;pass&#233;e&lt;/i&gt;. Geelmaack only gave it the last push over the edge.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pastor Wunderlich filled his own and his neighbour's wineglass. &#8220;So you think my dear Consul,&#8221; he said with a discreet smile, &#8220;that even without Geelmaack, things would have turned out just as they did?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, probably not,&#8221; the Consul said thoughtfully, not addressing anybody in particular. &#8220;But I do think that Dietrich Ratenkamp was driven by fate when he took Geelmaack into partnership. That was the way his destiny was to be fulfilled.... He acted under the pressure of inexorable necessity. I think he knew more or less what his partner was doing, and what the state of affairs was at the warehouse. But he was paralyzed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Assez, Jean,&#8221; interposed old Buddenbrook, laying down his spoon. &#8220;That's one of your &lt;i&gt;id&#233;es&lt;/i&gt;....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul rather absently lifted his glass to his father. Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger broke in: &#8220;Let's stick by the jolly present!&#8221; He took up a bottle of white wine that had a little silver stag on the stopper; and with one of his fastidious, elegant motions he held it on its side and examined the label. &#8220;C. F. K&#246;ppen,&#8221; he read, and nodded to the wine-merchant. &#8220;Ah, yes, where should we be without you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Antoinette kept a sharp eye on the servants while they changed the gilt-edged Meissen plates; Mamsell Jungmann called orders through the speaking-tube into the kitchen, and the fish was brought in. Pastor Wunderlich remarked, as he helped himself:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This &#8216;jolly present' isn't such a matter of course as it seems, either. The young folk here can hardly realize, I suppose, that things could ever have been different from what they are now. But I think I may fairly claim to have had a personal share, more than once, in the fortunes of the Buddenbrook family. Whenever I see one of these, for instance&#8212;&#8221; he picked up one of the heavy silver spoons and turned to Madame Antoinette&#8212;&#8220;I can't help wondering whether they belong to the set that our friend the philosopher Lenoir, Sergeant under his Majesty the Emperor Napoleon, had in his hands in the year 1806&#8212;and I think of our meeting in Alf Street, Madame.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Buddenbrook looked down at her plate with a smile half of memory, half of embarrassment. Tom and Tony, at the bottom of the table, cried out almost with one voice, &#8220;Oh, yes, tell about it, Grandmama!&#8221; They did not want the fish, and they had been listening attentively to the conversation of their elders. But the Pastor knew that she would not care to speak herself of an incident that had been rather painful to her. He came to her rescue and launched out once more upon the old story. It was new, perhaps, to one or two of the present company. As for the children, they could have listened to it a hundred times.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, imagine a November afternoon, cold and rainy, a wretched day; and me coming back down Alf Street from some parochial duty. I was thinking of the hard times we were having. Prince Bl&#252;cher had gone, and the French were in the town. There was little outward sign of the excitement that reigned everywhere: the streets were quiet, and people stopped close in their houses. Prahl the master-butcher had been shot through the head, just for standing at the door of his shop with his hands in his pockets and making a menacing remark about its being hard to stand. Well, thought I to myself, I'll just have a look in at the Buddenbrooks'. Herr Buddenbrook is down with erysipelas, and Madame has a great deal to do, on account of the billeting.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At that very moment, whom should I see coming towards me but our honored Madame Buddenbrook herself? What a state she was in! hurrying through the rain hatless, stumbling rather than walking, with a shawl flung over her shoulders, and her hair falling down&#8212;yes, Madame, it is quite true, it &lt;i&gt;was&lt;/i&gt; falling down!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;This is a pleasant surprise,' I said. She never saw me, and I made bold to lay my hand on her sleeve, for my mind misgave me about the state of things. &#8216;Where are you off to in such a hurry, my dear?' She realized who I was, looked at me, and burst out: &#8216;Farewell, farewell! All is over&#8212;I'm going into the river!'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;God forbid,' cried I&#8212;I could feel that I went white. &#8216;That is no place for you, my dear.' And I held her as tightly as decorum permitted. &#8216;What has happened?' &#8216;What has happened!' she cried, all trembling. &#8216;They've got at the silver, Wunderlich! That's what has happened! And Jean lies there with erysipelas and can't do anything&#8212;he couldn't even if he were up. They are stealing my spoons, Wunderlich, and I am going into the river!'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I kept holding her, and I said what one would in such cases: &#8216;Courage, dear lady. It will be all right. Control yourself, I beg of you. We will go and speak with them. Let us go.' And I got her to go back up the street to her house. The soldiery were up in the dining-room, where Madame had left them, some twenty of them, at the great silver-chest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;Gentlemen,' I say politely, &#8216;with which one of you may I have the pleasure of a little conversation?' &#8216;They begin to laugh, and they say: &#8216;With all of us, Papa.' But one of them steps out and presents himself, a fellow as tall as a tree, with a black waxed moustache and big red hands sticking out of his braided cuffs. &#8216;Lenoir,' he said, and saluted with his left hand, for he had five or six spoons in his right. &#8216;Sergeant Lenoir. What can I do for you?'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;Herr Officer,' I say, appealing to his sense of honour, &#8216;after your magnificent charge, how can you stoop to this sort of thing? The town has not closed its gates to the Emperor.'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;What do you expect?' he answered. &#8216;War is war. The people need these things....'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;But you ought to be careful,' I interrupted him, for an idea had come into my head. &#8216;This lady,' I said&#8212;one will say anything at a time like that&#8212;&#8216;the lady of the house, she isn't a German. She is almost a compatriot of yours&#8212;she is a Frenchwoman....' &#8216;Oh, a Frenchwoman,' he repeated. And then what do you suppose he said, this big swashbuckler? &#8216;Oh, an &lt;i&gt;emigr&#233;e&lt;/i&gt;? Then she is an enemy of philosophy!'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was quite taken aback, but I managed not to laugh. &#8216;You are a man of intellect, I see,' said I. &#8216;I repeat that I consider your conduct unworthy.' He was silent for a moment. Then he got red, tossed his half-dozen spoons back into the chest, and exclaimed, &#8216;Who told you I was going to do anything with these things but look at them? It's fine silver. If one or two of my men take a piece as a souvenir....'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, in the end, they took plenty of souvenirs, of course. No use appealing to justice, either human or divine. I suppose they knew no other god than that terrible little Corsican....&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Did you ever see him, Herr Pastor?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The plates were being changed again. An enormous brick-red boiled ham appeared, strewn with crumbs and served with a sour brown onion sauce, and so many vegetables that the company could have satisfied their appetites from that one vegetable-dish. Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger undertook the carving, and skilfully cut the succulent slices, with his elbows slightly elevated and his two long forefingers laid out along the back of the knife and fork. With the ham went the Frau Consul's celebrated &#8220;Russian jam,&#8221; a pungent fruit conserve flavoured with spirits.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No, Pastor Wunderlich regretted to say that he had never set eyes on Bonaparte. Old Buddenbrook and Jean Jacques Hoffstede had both seen him face to face, one in Paris just before the Russian campaign, reviewing the troops at the Tuileries; the other in Dantzig.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must say, he wasn't a very cheerful person to look at,&#8221; said the poet, raising his brows, as he disposed of a forkful of ham, potato, and sprouts. &#8220;But they say he was in a lively mood, at Dantzig. There was a story they used to tell, about how he would gamble all day with the Germans, and make them pay up too, and then spend the evening playing with his generals. Once he swept a handful of gold off the table, and said: &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Les Allemands aiment beaucoup ces petits Napol&#233;ons, n'est-ce pas&lt;/i&gt;, Rapp?' &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Oui, Sire, plus que le Grand&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb4&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Les Allemands aiment beaucoup ces petits Napol&#233;ons, n'est-ce pas? &#8230; Oui, (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh4&#034;&gt;4&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;!' Rapp answered.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was general laughter&#8212;Hoffstede had told the story very prettily, even mimicking the Emperor's manner. Old Buddenbrook said: &#8220;Well, joking aside, one can't help having respect for his personal greatness.... What a nature!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul shook his head gravely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no&#8212;we of the younger generation do not see why we should revere the man who murdered the Duc d'Engien, and butchered eight hundred prisoners in Egypt....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All that is probably exaggerated and overdrawn,&#8221; said Pastor Wunderlich. &#8220;The Duke was very likely a feather-brained and seditious person, and as for the prisoners, their execution was probably the deliberate and necessary policy of a council of war.&#8221; And he went on to speak of a book at which he had been looking, by one of the Emperor's secretaries, which had appeared some years before and was well worth reading.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All the same,&#8221; persisted the Consul, snuffing a flickering candle in the sconce in front of him, &#8220;I cannot understand it&#8212;I cannot understand the admiration people have for this monster. As a Christian, as a religious man, I can find no room in my heart for such a feeling.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had, as he spoke, the slightly inclined head and the rapt look of a man in a vision. His father and Pastor Wunderlich could be seen to exchange the smallest of smiles.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, anyhow,&#8221; grinned the old man, &#8220;the little napoleons aren't so bad, eh? My son has more enthusiasm for Louis Philippe,&#8221; he said to the company in general.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Enthusiasm?&#8221; repeated Jean Jacques Hoffstede, rather sarcastically.... &#8220;That is a curious juxtaposition, Philippe &#201;galit&#233; and enthusiasm....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God knows, I feel we have much to learn from the July Monarchy,&#8221; the Consul said, with serious zeal. &#8220;The friendly and helpful attitude of French constitutionalism toward the new, practical ideals and interests of our time ... is something we should be deeply thankful for....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Practical ideals&#8212;well, ye-es&#8212;&#8221; The elder Buddenbrook gave his jaws a moment's rest and played with his gold snuff-box. &#8220;Practical ideals&#8212;well&#8212;h'm&#8212;they don't appeal to me in the least.&#8221; He dropped into dialect, out of sheer vexation. &#8220;We have trade schools and technical schools and commercial schools springing up on every corner; the high schools and the classical education suddenly turn out to be all foolishness, and the whole world thinks of nothing but mines and factories and making money.... That's all very fine, of course. But in the long run, pretty stupid, isn't it?... I don't know why, but it irritates me like the deuce.... I don't mean, Jean, that the July Monarchy is not an admirable r&#233;gime....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Senator Langhals, as well as Gratjens and K&#246;ppen, stood by the Consul.... They felt that high praise was due to the French government, and to similar efforts that were being made in Germany. It was worthy of all respect&#8212;Herr K&#246;ppen called it &#8220;respeck.&#8221; He had grown more and more crimson from eating, and puffed audibly as he spoke. Pastor Wunderlich had not changed colour; he looked as pale, refined, and alert as ever, while drinking down glass after glass of wine.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The candles burned down slowly in their sockets. Now and then they flickered in a draught and dispersed a faint smell of wax over the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There they all sat, on heavy, high-backed chairs, consuming good heavy food from good heavy silver plate, drinking full-bodied wines and expressing their views freely on all subjects. When they began to talk shop, they slipped unconsciously more and more into dialect, and used the clumsy but comfortable idioms that seemed to embody to them the business efficiency and the easy well-being of their community. Sometimes they even used an overdrawn pronunciation by way of making fun of themselves and each other, and relished their clipped phrases and exaggerated vowels with the same heartiness as they did their food.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The ladies had not long followed the discussion. Madame Kr&#246;ger gave them the cue by setting forth a tempting method of boiling carp in red wine. &#8220;You cut it into nice pieces, my dear, and put it in the saucepan, add some cloves, and onions, and a few rusks, a little sugar, and a spoonful of butter, and set it on the fire.... But don't wash it, on any account. All the blood must remain in it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The elder Kr&#246;ger was telling the most delightful stories; and his son Justus, who sat with Dr. Grabow down at the bottom of the table, near the children, was chaffing Mamsell Jungmann. She screwed up her brown eyes and stood her knife and fork upright on the table and moved them back and forth. Even the &#214;verdiecks were very lively. Old Frau &#214;verdieck had a new pet name for her husband: &#8220;You good old bell-wether,&#8221; she said, and laughed so hard that her cap bobbed up and down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But all the various conversations around the table flowed together in one stream when Jean Jacques Hoffstede embarked upon his favourite theme, and began to describe the Italian journey which he had taken fifteen years before with a rich Hamburg relative. He told of Venice, Rome, and Vesuvius, of the Villa Borghese, where Goethe had written part of his Faust; he waxed enthusiastic over the beautiful Renaissance fountains that wafted coolness upon the warm Italian air, and the formal gardens through the avenues of which it was so enchanting to stroll. Some one mentioned the big wilderness of a garden outside the Castle Gate, that belonged to the Buddenbrooks.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Upon my word,&#8221; the old man said, &#8220;I still feel angry with myself that I have never put it into some kind of order. I was out there the other day&#8212;and it is really a disgrace, a perfect primeval forest. It would be a pretty bit of property, if the grass were cut and the trees trimmed into formal shapes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul protested strenuously. &#8220;Oh, no, Papa! I love to go out there in the summer and walk in the undergrowth; it would quite spoil the place to trim and prune its free natural beauty.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, deuce take it, the free natural beauty belongs to me&#8212;haven't I the right to put it in order if I like?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, Father, when I go out there and lie in the long grass among the undergrowth, I have a feeling that I belong to nature and not she to me....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Krishan, don't eat too much,&#8221; the old man suddenly called out, in dialect. &#8220;Never mind about Tilda&#8212;it doesn't hurt her. She can put it away like a dozen harvest hands, that child!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And truly it was amazing, the prowess of this scraggy child with the long, old-maidish face. Asked if she wanted more soup, she answered in a meek drawling voice: &#8220;Ye-es, ple-ase.&#8221; She had two large helpings both of fish and ham, with piles of vegetables; and she bent short-sightedly over her plate, completely absorbed in the food, which she chewed ruminantly, in large mouthfuls. &#8220;Oh, Un-cle,&#8221; she replied, with amiable simplicity, to the old man's gibe, which did not in the least disconcert her. She ate: whether it tasted good or not, whether they teased her or not, she smiled and kept on, heaping her plate with good things, with the instinctive, insensitive voracity of a poor relation&#8212;patient, persevering, hungry, and lean.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And now came, in two great cut-glass dishes, the &#8220;Plettenpudding.&#8221; It was made of layers of macaroons, raspberries, lady-fingers, and custard. At the same time, at the other end of the table, appeared the blazing plum-pudding which was the children's favourite sweet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thomas, my son, come here a minute,&#8221; said Johann Buddenbrook, taking his great bunch of keys from his trousers pocket. &#8220;In the second cellar to the right, the second bin, behind the red Bordeaux, two bottles&#8212;you understand?&#8221; Thomas, to whom such orders were familiar, ran off and soon came back with the two bottles, covered with dust and cobwebs; and the little dessert-glasses were filled with sweet, golden-yellow malmsey from these unsightly receptacles. Now the moment came when Pastor Wunderlich rose, glass in hand, to propose a toast; and the company fell silent to listen. He spoke in the pleasant, conversational tone which he liked to use in the pulpit; his head a little on one side, a subtle, humorous smile on his pale face, gesturing easily with his free hand. &#8220;Come, my honest friends, let us honour ourselves by drinking a glass of this excellent liquor to the health of our host and hostess in their beautiful new home. Come, then&#8212;to the health of the Buddenbrook family, present and absent! May they live long and prosper!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Absent?&#8221; thought the Consul to himself, bowing as the company lifted their glasses. &#8220;Is he referring to the Frankfort Buddenbrooks, or perhaps the Duchamps in Hamburg&#8212;or did old Wunderlich really mean something by that?&#8221; He stood up and clinked glasses with his father, looking him affectionately in the eye.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Broker Gratjens got up next, and his speech was rather long-winded; he ended by proposing in his high-pitched voice a health to the firm of Johann Buddenbrook, that it might continue to grow and prosper and do honour to the town.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Johann Buddenbrook thanked them all for their kindness, first as head of the family and then as senior partner of the firm&#8212;and sent Thomas for another bottle of Malmsey. It had been a mistake to suppose that two would be enough.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger spoke too. He took the liberty of remaining seated, because it looked less formal, and gestured with his head and hands most charmingly as he proposed a toast to the two ladies of the family, Madame Antoinette and the Frau Consul. As he finished, the Plettenpudding was nearly consumed, and the Malmsey nearing its end; and then, to a universal, long-drawn &#8220;Ah-h!&#8221; Jean Jacques Hoffstede rose up slowly, clearing his throat. The children clapped their hands with delight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Excusez&lt;/i&gt;! I really couldn't help it,&#8221; he began. He put his finger to his long sharp nose and drew a paper from his coat pocket.... A profound silence reigned throughout the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His paper was gaily parti-coloured. On the outside of it was written, in an oval border surrounded by red flowers and a profusion of gilt flourishes:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;&lt;i&gt;On the occasion of my friendly participation in a delightful house-warming party given by the Buddenbrook family. October 1835.&lt;/i&gt;&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;He read this aloud first; then turning the paper over, he began, in a voice that was already somewhat tremulous:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Honoured friends, my modest lay&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hastes to greet you in these walls:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
May kind Heaven grant to-day&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Blessing on their spacious halls.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Thee, my friend with silver hair,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And thy faithful, loving spouse,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And your children young and fair&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I salute you, and your house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Industry and beauty chaste&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
See we linked in marriage band:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Venus Anadyomene&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And cunning Vulcan's busy hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
May no future storms dismay&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With unkind blast the joyful hour;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
May each new returning day&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Blessings on your pathway shower.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ceaselessly shall I rejoice&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
O'er the fortune that is yours:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As to-day I lift my voice,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
May I still, while life endures.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In your splendid walls live well,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And cherish with affection true&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Him who in his humble cell&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Penned to-day these lines for you&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;He bowed to a unanimous outburst of applause.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Charming, Hoffstede,&#8221; cried old Buddenbrook. &#8220;It was too charming for words. I drink your health.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But when the Frau Consul touched glasses with the poet, a delicate blush mantled her cheek; for she had seen the courtly bow he made in her direction when he came to the part about the Venus Anadyomene.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The general merriment had now reached its height. Herr K&#246;ppen felt a great need to unfasten a few buttons of his waistcoat; but it obviously wouldn't do, for not even the elderly gentlemen were permitting themselves the liberty. Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger sat up as straight as he did at the beginning; Pastor Wunderlich's face was as pale as ever, his manner as correct. The elder Buddenbrook had indeed sat back a little in his chair, but he maintained perfect decorum. There was only Justus Kr&#246;ger&#8212;he was plainly a little overtaken.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But where was Dr. Grabow? The butter, cheese and fruit had just been handed round; and the Frau Consul rose from her chair and unobtrusively followed the waitress from the room; for the Doctor, Mamsell Jungmann, and Christian were no longer in their places, and a smothered wail was proceeding from the hall. There in the dim light, little Christian was half-lying, half-crouching on the round settee that encircled the central pillar. He was uttering heart-breaking groans. Ida and the Doctor stood beside him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh dear, oh dear,&#8221; said she, &#8220;the poor child is very bad!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm ill, Mamma, damned ill,&#8221; whimpered Christian, his little deep-set eyes darting back and forth, and his big nose looking bigger than ever. The &#8220;damned&#8221; came out in a tone of utter despair; but the Frau Consul said: &#8220;If we use such words, God will punish us by making us suffer still more!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Doctor Grabow felt the lad's pulse. His kindly face grew longer and gentler.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's nothing much, Frau Consul,&#8221; he reassured her. &#8220;A touch of indigestion.&#8221; He prescribed in his best bed-side manner: &#8220;Better put him to bed and give him a Dover powder&#8212;perhaps a cup of camomile tea, to bring out the perspiration.... And a rigorous diet, you know, Frau Consul. A little pigeon, a little French bread....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't want any pigeon,&#8221; bellowed Christian angrily. &#8220;I don't want to eat anything, ever any more. I'm ill, I tell you, damned ill!&#8221; The fervour with which he uttered the bad word seemed to bring him relief.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Doctor Grabow smiled to himself&#8212;a thoughtful, almost a melancholy smile. He would soon eat again, this young man. He would do as the rest of the world did&#8212;his father, and all their relatives and friends: he would lead a sedentary life and eat four good, rich, satisfying meals a day. Well, God bless us all! He, Friedrich Grabow, was not the man to upset the habits of these prosperous, comfortable tradesmen and their families. He would come when he was sent for, prescribe a few days' diet&#8212;a little pigeon, a slice of French bread&#8212;yes, yes, and assure the family that it was nothing serious this time. Young as he was, he had held the head of many an honest burgher who had eaten his last joint of smoked meat, his last stuffed turkey, and, whether overtaken unaware in his counting-house or after a brief illness in his solid old four-poster, had commended his soul to God. Then it was called paralysis, a &#8220;stroke,&#8221; a sudden death. And he, Friedrich Grabow, could have predicted it, on all of these occasions when it was &#8220;nothing serious this time&#8221;&#8212;or perhaps at the times when he had not even been summoned, when there had only been a slight giddiness after luncheon. Well, God bless us all! He, Friedrich Grabow, was not the man to despise a roast turkey himself. That ham with onion sauce had been delicious, hang it! And the Plettenpudding, when they were already stuffed full&#8212;macaroons, raspberries, custard.... &#8220;A rigorous diet, Frau Consul, as I say. A little pigeon, a little French bread....&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;They were rising from table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, ladies and gentlemen, &lt;i&gt;gesegnete Mahlzeit&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb5&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;gesegnete Mahlzeit &#8211; bless this meal&#034; id=&#034;nh5&#034;&gt;5&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;! Cigars and coffee in the next room, and a liqueur if Madame feels generous.... Billiards for whoever chooses. Jean, you will show them the way back to the billiard-room? Madame K&#246;ppen, may I have the honour?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Full of well-being, laughing and chattering, the company trooped back through the folding doors into the landscape-room. The Consul remained behind, and collected about him the gentlemen who wanted to play billiards.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You won't try a game, Father?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No, Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger would stop with the ladies, but Justus might go if he liked.... Senator Langhals, K&#246;ppen, Gratjens, and Doctor Grabow went with the Consul, and Jean Jacques Hoffstede said he would join them later. &#8220;Johann Buddenbrook is going to play the flute,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I must stop for that. &lt;i&gt;Au revoir, messieurs&lt;/i&gt;.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As the gentlemen passed through the hall, they could hear from the landscape-room the first notes of the flute, accompanied by the Frau Consul on the harmonium: an airy, charming little melody that floated sweetly through the lofty rooms. The Consul listened as long as he could. He would have liked to stop behind in an easy-chair in the landscape-room and indulge the reveries that the music conjured up; but his duties as host....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bring some coffee and cigars into the billiard-room,&#8221; he said to the maid whom he met in the entry.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Line, coffee!&#8221; Herr K&#246;ppen echoed, in a rich, well-fed voice, trying to pinch the girl's red arm. The &lt;i&gt;c&lt;/i&gt; came from far back in his throat, as if he were already swallowing the coffee.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm sure Madame K&#246;ppen saw you through the glass,&#8221; Consul Kr&#246;ger remarked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you live up there, Buddenbrook?&#8221; asked Senator Langhals. To the right a broad white staircase with a carved baluster led up to the sleeping-chambers of the Consul's family in the second storey; to the left came another row of rooms. The party descended the stairs, smoking, and the Consul halted at the landing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The entresol has three rooms,&#8221; he explained&#8212;&#8220;the breakfast-room, my parents' sleeping-chamber, and a third room which is seldom used. A corridor runs along all three.... This way, please. The wagons drive through the entry; they can go all the way out to Bakers' Alley at the back.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The broad echoing passageway below was paved with great square flagstones. At either end of it were several offices. The odour of the onion sauce still floated out from the kitchen, which, with the entrance to the cellars, lay on the left of the steps. On the right, at the height of a storey above the passageway, a scaffolding of ungainly but neatly varnished rafters thrust out from the wall, supporting the servants' quarters above. A sort of ladder which led up to them from the passage was their only means of ingress or egress. Below the scaffolding were some enormous old cupboards and a carved chest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Two low, worn steps led through a glass door out to the courtyard and the small wash-house. From here you could look into the pretty little garden, which was well laid out, though just now brown and sodden with the autumn rains, its beds protected with straw mats against the cold. At the other end of the garden rose the &#8220;portal,&#8221; the rococo fa&#231;ade of the summer house. From the courtyard, however, the party took the path to the left, leading between two walls through another courtyard to the annexe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They entered by slippery steps into a cellar-like vault with an earthen floor, which was used as a granary and provided with a rope for hauling up the sacks. A pair of stairs led up to the first storey, where the Consul opened a white door and admitted his guests to the billiard-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a bare, severe-looking room, with stiff chairs ranged round the sides. Herr K&#246;ppen flung himself exhausted into one of them. &#8220;I'll look on for a while,&#8221; said he, brushing the wet from his coat. &#8220;It's the devil of a Sabbath day's journey through your house, Buddenbrook!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Here too the stove was burning merrily, behind a brass lattice. Through the three high, narrow windows one looked out over red roofs gleaming with the wet, grey gables and courtyards.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul took the cues out of the rack. &#8220;Shall we play a &lt;i&gt;carambolage&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb6&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;carambolage &#8211; a card game (vehicle crash)&#034; id=&#034;nh6&#034;&gt;6&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, Senator?&#8221; he asked. He went around and closed the pockets on both tables. &#8220;Who is playing with us? Gratjens? The Doctor? All right. Then will you take the other table, Gratjens and Justus? K&#246;ppen, you'll have to play.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The wine-merchant stood up and listened, with his mouth full of smoke. A violent gust of wind whistled between the houses, lashed the window-panes with rain, and howled down the chimney.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good Lord!&#8221; he said, blowing out the smoke. &#8220;Do you think the &lt;i&gt;Wullenwewer&lt;/i&gt; will get into port, Buddenbrook? What abominable weather!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, and the news from Travem&#252;nde was not of the best, Consul Kr&#246;ger agreed, chalking his cue. Storms everywhere on the coast. Nearly as bad as in 1824, the year of the great flood in St. Petersburg. Well, here was the coffee.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They poured it out and drank a little and began their game. The talk turned upon the Customs Union, and Consul Buddenbrook waxed enthusiastic.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;An inspiration, gentlemen,&#8221; he said. He finished a shot and turned to the other table, where the topic had begun. &#8220;We ought to join at the earliest opportunity.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr K&#246;ppen disagreed. He fairly snorted in opposition. &#8220;How about our independence?&#8221; he asked incensed, supporting himself belligerently on his cue. &#8220;How about our self-determination? Would Hamburg consent to be a party to this Prussian scheme? We might as well be annexed at once! Heaven save us, what do we want of a customs union? Aren't we well enough as we are?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, you and your red wine, K&#246;ppen. And the Russian products are all right. But there is little or nothing else imported. As for exports, well, we send a little corn to Holland and England, it is true. But I think we are far from being well enough as we are. In days gone by a very different business went on. Now, with the Customs Union, the Mecklenburgs and Schleswig-Holstein would be opened up&#8212;and private business would increase beyond all reckoning....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But look here, Buddenbrook,&#8221; Gratjens broke in, leaning far over the table and shifting his cue in his bony hand as he took careful aim, &#8220;I don't get the idea. Certainly our own system is perfectly simple and practical. Clearing on the security of a civic oath&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A fine old institution,&#8221; the Consul admitted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you call it fine, Herr Consul?&#8221; Senator Langhals spoke with some heat. &#8220;I am not a merchant; but to speak frankly&#8212;well, I think this civic oath business has become little short of a farce: everybody makes light of it, and the State pockets the loss. One hears things that are simply scandalous. I am convinced that our entry into the Customs Union, so far as the Senate is concerned&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr K&#246;ppen flung down his cue. &#8220;Then there will be a conflick,&#8221; he said heatedly, forgetting to be careful with his pronunciation. &#8220;I know what I'm sayin'&#8212;God help you, but you don't know what you're talkin' about, beggin' your pardon.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, thank goodness! thought the rest of the company, as Jean Jacques entered at this point. He and Pastor Wunderlich came together, arm in arm, two cheerful, unaffected old men from another and less troubled age.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here, my friends,&#8221; he began. &#8220;I have something for you: a little rhymed epigram from the French.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sat down comfortably opposite the billiard-players, who leaned upon their cues across the tables. Drawing a paper from his pocket and laying his long finger with the signet ring to the side of his pointed nose, he read aloud, with a mock-heroic intonation:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When the Mar&#233;chal Saxe and the proud Pompadour&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Were driving out gaily in gilt coach and four,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frelon spied the pair: &#8216;Oh, see them,' he cried:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8216;The sword of our king&#8212;and his sheath, side by side.'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr K&#246;ppen looked disconcerted for a minute. Then he dropped the &#8220;conflick&#8221; where it was and joined in the hearty laughter that echoed to the ceiling of the billiard-room. Pastor Wunderlich withdrew to the window, but the movement of his shoulders betrayed that he was chuckling to himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Hoffstede had more ammunition of the same sort in his pocket, and the gentlemen remained for some time in the billiard-room. Herr K&#246;ppen unbuttoned his waistcoat all the way down, and felt much more at ease here than in the dining-room. He gave vent to droll low-German expressions at every turn, and at frequent intervals began reciting to himself with enormous relish:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When the Mar&#233;chal Saxe....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It sounded quite different in his harsh bass.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IX&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It was rather late, nearly eleven, when the party began to break up. They had reassembled in the landscape-room, and they all made their adieux at the same time. The Frau Consul, as soon as her hand had been kissed in farewell, went upstairs to see how Christian was doing. To Mamsell Jungmann was left the supervision of the maids as they set things to rights and put away the silver. Madame Antoinette retired to the entresol. But the Consul accompanied his guests downstairs, across the entry, and outside the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A high wind was driving the rain slantwise through the streets as the old Kr&#246;gers, wrapped in heavy fur mantles, slipped as fast as they could into their carriage. It had been waiting for hours before the door. The street was lighted by the flickering yellow rays from oil lamps hanging on posts before the houses or suspended on heavy chains across the streets. The projecting fronts of some of the houses jutted out into the roadway; others had porticos or raised benches added on. The street ran steeply down to the River Trave; it was badly paved, and sodden grass sprang up between the cracks. The church of St. Mary's was entirely shrouded in rain and darkness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Merci,&#8221; said Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger, shaking the Consul's hand as he stood by the carriage door. &#8220;Merci, Jean; it was too charming!&#8221; The door slammed, and the carriage drove off. Pastor Wunderlich and Broker Gratjens expressed their thanks and went their way. Herr K&#246;ppen, in a mantle with a five-fold cape and a broad grey hat, took his plump wife on his arm and said in his gruff bass: &#8220;G'night, Buddenbrook. Go in, go in; don't catch cold. Best thanks for everything&#8212;don't know when I've fed so well! So you like my red wine at four marks? Well, g'night, again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The K&#246;ppens went in the same direction as the Kr&#246;gers, down toward the river; Senator Langhals, Doctor Grabow, and Jean Jacques Hoffstede turned the other way. Consul Buddenbrook stood with his hands in his trousers pockets and listened to their footsteps as they died away down the empty, damp, dimly-lighted street. He shivered a little in his light clothes as he stood there a few paces from his own house, and turned to look up at its grey gabled fa&#231;ade. His eyes lingered upon the motto carved in the stone over the entrance, in antique lettering: &lt;i&gt;Dominus providebit&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;&#8220;The Lord will provide.&#8221; He bowed his head a little and went in, bolting the door carefully behind him. Then he locked the vestibule door and walked slowly across the echoing floor of the great entry. The cook was coming down the stairs with a tray of glasses in her hands, and he asked her, &#8220;Where's the master, Trina?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the dining-room, Herr Consul,&#8221; said she, and her face went as red as her arms, for she came from the country and was very bashful.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As he passed through the dark hall, he felt in his pocket for the letter. Then he went quickly into the dining-room, where a few small candle-ends in one of the candelabra cast a dim light over the empty table. The sour smell of the onion sauce still hung on the air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Over by the windows Johann Buddenbrook was pacing comfortably up and down, with his hands behind his back.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER X&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Well, Johann, my son, where are you going?&#8221; He stood still and put his hand out to his son&#8212;his white Buddenbrook hand, a little too short, though finely modelled. His active figure showed indistinctly against the dark-red curtains, the only gleams of white being from his powdered hair and the lace frill at his throat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aren't you sleepy? I've been here listening to the wind; the weather is something fearful. Captain Kloot is on his way from Riga....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Father, with God's help all will be well.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, do you think I can depend on that? I know you are on intimate terms with the Almighty&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul felt his courage rise at this display of good humour.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, to get to the point,&#8221; he began, &#8220;I came in here not to bid you good night, but to&#8212;you won't be angry, will you, Papa?... I didn't want to disturb you with this letter on such a festive occasion ... it came this afternoon....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Monsieur Gotthold, voil&#224;!&#8221; The old man affected to be quite unmoved as he took the sealed blue paper. &#8220;Herr Johann Buddenbrook, Senior. Personal. A careful man, your step-brother, Jean! Have I answered his second letter, that came the other day? And so now he writes me a third.&#8221; The old man's rosy face grew sterner as he opened the seal with one finger, unfolded the thin paper, and gave it a smart rap with the back of his hand as he turned about to catch the light from the candles. The very handwriting of this letter seemed to express revolt and disloyalty. All the Buddenbrooks wrote a fine, flowing hand; but these tall straight letters were full of heavy strokes, and many of the words were hastily underlined.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul had drawn back a little to where the row of chairs stood against the wall; he did not sit down, as his father did not; but he grasped one of the high chair-backs nervously and watched the old man while he read, his lips moving rapidly, his brows drawn together, and his head on one side.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Father,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I am probably mistaken in entertaining any further hope of your sense of justice or any appreciation of my feelings at receiving no reply from my second pressing letter concerning the matter in question. I do not comment again on the character of the reply I received to my first one. I feel compelled to say, however, that the way in which you, by your lamentable obstinacy, are widening the rift between us, is a sin for which you will one day have to answer grievously before the judgment seat of God. It is sad enough that when I followed the dictates of my heart and married against your wishes, and further wounded your insensate pride by taking over a shop, you should have repulsed me so cruelly and remorselessly; but the way in which you now treat me cries out to Heaven, and you are utterly mistaken if you imagine that I intend to accept your silence without a struggle. The purchase price of your newly acquired house in the Mengstrasse was a hundred thousand marks; and I am aware that Johann, your business partner and your son by your second marriage, is living with you as your tenant, and after your death will become the sole proprietor of both house and business. With my step-sister in Frankfort, you have entered into agreements which are no concern of mine. But what does concern me, your eldest son, is that you carry your un-Christian spirit so far as to refuse me a penny of compensation for my share in the house. When you gave me a hundred thousand marks on my marriage and to set me up in business, and told me that a similar sum and no more should be bequeathed me by will, I said nothing, for I was not at the time sufficiently informed as to the amount of your fortune. Now I know more: and not regarding myself as disinherited in principle, I claim as my right the sum of thirty-three thousand and three hundred and thirty-three marks current, or a third of the purchase price. I make no comment on the damnable influences which are responsible for the treatment I have received. But I protest against them with my whole sense of justice as a Christian and a business man. Let me tell you for the last time that, if you cannot bring yourself to recognize the justice of my claims, I shall no longer be able to respect you as a Christian, a parent, or a man of business.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Gotthold Buddenbrook.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;You will excuse me for saying that I don't get much pleasure out of reading that rigmarole all over again.&#8212;&lt;i&gt;Voil&#224;&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; And Johann Buddenbrook tossed the letter to his son, with a contemptuous gesture. The Consul picked it up as it fluttered to his feet, and looked at his father with troubled eyes, while the old man took the long candle-snuffers from their place by the window and with angry strides crossed the room to the candelabrum in the corner.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Assez&lt;/i&gt;, I say. &lt;i&gt;N'en parlons plus&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb7&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Assez, I say. N'en parlons plus &#8211; Enough, I say! Let's dismiss the matter.&#034; id=&#034;nh7&#034;&gt;7&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;! To bed with you&#8212;&lt;i&gt;en avant&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; He quenched one flame after another under the little metal cap. There were only two candles left when the elder turned again to his son, whom he could hardly see at the far end of the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Eh bien&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;what are you standing there for? Why don't you say something?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What shall I say, Father? I am thoroughly taken aback.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are pretty easily taken aback, then,&#8221; Johann Buddenbrook rapped out irritably, though he knew that the reproach was far from being a just one. His son was in fact often his superior when it came to a quick decision upon the advantageous course.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;Damnable influences,'&#8221; the Consul quoted. &#8220;That is the first line I can make out. Do you know how it makes me feel, Father? And he reproaches us with &#8216;unchristian behaviour!'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'll let yourself be bluffed by this miserable scribble, will you?&#8221; Johann Buddenbrook strode across to his son, dragging the extinguisher on its long stick behind him. &#8220;&#8216;Unchristian behaviour!' Ha! He shows good taste, doesn't he, this canting money-grabber? I don't know what to make of you young people! Your heads are full of fantastic religious humbug&#8212;practical idealism, the July Monarchy, and what not: and we old folk are supposed to be wretched cynics. And then you abuse your poor old Father in the coarsest way rather than give up a few thousand thaler.... So he deigns to look down upon me as a business man, does he? Well, as a business man, I know what &lt;i&gt;faux-frais&lt;/i&gt; are!&#8212;&lt;i&gt;Faux-frais&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb8&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;faux-frais &#8211; false expenses&#034; id=&#034;nh8&#034;&gt;8&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;,&#8221; he repeated, rolling the &lt;i&gt;r&lt;/i&gt; in his throat. &#8220;I sha'n't make this high-falutin scamp of a son any fonder of me by giving him what he asks for, it seems to me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What can I say, Father? I don't care to feel that he has any justification when he talks of &#8216;influences.' As an interested party I don't like to tell you to stick out, but&#8212; It seems to me I'm as good a Christian as Gotthold ... but still....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;Still'&#8212;that is exactly it, Jean, you are right to say &#8216;still.' What is the real state of the case? He got infatuated with his Mademoiselle St&#252;wing and wouldn't listen to reason; he made scene after scene, and finally he married her, after I had absolutely refused to give my consent. Then I wrote to him: &#8216;Mon tr&#232;s cher fils: you are marrying our shop&#8212;very well, that's an end of it. We cease to be on friendly terms from now on. I won't cut you off, or do anything melodramatic. I am sending you a hundred thousand marks as a wedding present, and I'll leave you another hundred thousand in my will. But that is absolutely all you'll get, not another shilling!' That shut his mouth.&#8212;What have our arrangements got to do with him? Suppose you and your sister do get a bit more, and the house has been bought out of your share?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father, surely you can understand how painful my position is! I ought to advise you in the interest of family harmony&#8212;but....&#8221; The Consul sighed. Johann Buddenbrook peered at him, in the dim light, to see what his expression was. One of the two candles had gone out of itself; the other was flickering. Every now and then a tall, smiling white figure seemed to step momentarily out of the tapestry and then back again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father,&#8221; said the Consul softly. &#8220;This affair with Gotthold depresses me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's all this sentimentality, Jean? How does it depress you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We were all so happy here to-day, Father; we had a glorious celebration, and we felt proud and glad of what we have accomplished, and of having raised the family and firm to a position of honour and respect.... But this bitter feud with my own brother, with your eldest son, is like a hidden crack in the building we have erected. A family should be united, Father. It must keep together. &#8216;A house divided against itself will fall.'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There you are with your milk-and-water stuff, Jean! All I say is, he's an insolent young puppy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A pause ensued. The last candle burned lower and lower.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you doing, Jean?&#8221; asked Johann Buddenbrook. &#8220;I can't see you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul said shortly, &#8220;I'm calculating.&#8221; He was standing erect, and the expression in his eyes had changed. They had looked dreamy all the evening; but now they stared into the candle-flame with a cold sharp gaze. &#8220;Either you give thirty-three thousand, three hundred and thirty-three marks to Gotthold, and fifteen thousand to the family in Frankfort&#8212;that makes forty-eight thousand, three hundred and thirty-five in all&#8212;or, you give nothing to Gotthold, and twenty-five thousand to the family in Frankfort. That means a gain of twenty-three thousand, three hundred and thirty-five for the firm. But there is more to it than that. If you give Gotthold a compensation for the house, you've started the ball rolling. He is likely to demand equal shares with my sister and me after your death, which would mean a loss of hundreds of thousands to the firm. The firm could not face it, and I, as sole head, could not face it either.&#8221; He made a vigorous gesture and drew himself more erect than before. &#8220;No, Papa,&#8221; he said, and his tone bespoke finality, &#8220;I must advise you not to give in.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bravo!&#8221; cried the old man. &#8220;There's an end of it! &lt;i&gt;N'en parlons plus! En avant&lt;/i&gt;! Let's get to bed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he extinguished the last candle. They groped through the pitch-dark hall, and at the foot of the stairs they stopped and shook hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good night, Jean. And cheer up. These little worries aren't anything. See you at breakfast!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul went up to his rooms, and the old man felt his way along the baluster and down to the entresol. Soon the rambling old house lay wrapped in darkness and silence. Hopes, fears, and ambitions all slumbered, while the rain fell and the autumn wind whistled around gables and street corners.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTTWO&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART TWO&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It was mid-April, two and a half years later. The spring was more advanced than usual, and with the spring had come to the Buddenbrook family a joy that made old Johann sing about the house and moved his son to the depths of his heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul sat at the big roll-top writing-desk in the window of the breakfast-room, at nine o'clock one Sunday morning. He had before him a stout leather portfolio stuffed with papers, from among which he had drawn a gilt-edged notebook with an embossed cover, and was busily writing in it in his small, thin, flowing script. His hand hurried over the paper, never pausing except to dip his quill in the ink.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Both the windows were open, and the spring breeze wafted delicate odours into the room, lifting the curtains gently. The garden was full of young buds and bathed in tender sunshine; a pair of birds called and answered each other pertly. The sunshine was strong, too, on the white linen of the breakfast-table and the gilt-borders of the old china.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The folding doors into the bedroom were open, and the voice of old Johann could be heard inside, singing softly to a quaint and ancient tune:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;A kind papa, a worthy man,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He rocks the baby in the cradle,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He feeds the children sugar-plums&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And stirs the porridge with a ladle.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;He sat beside the little green-curtained cradle, close to the Frau Consul's lofty bed, and rocked it softly with one hand. Madame Antoinette, in a white lace cap and an apron over her striped frock, was busy with flannel and linen at the table. The old couple had given up their bedroom to the Frau Consul for the time being, to make things easier for the servants, and were sleeping in the unused room in the entresol.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Consul Buddenbrook gave scarcely a glance at the adjoining room, so absorbed was he in his work. His face wore an expression of earnest, almost suffering piety, his mouth slightly open, the chin a little dropped; his eyes filled from time to time. He wrote:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To-day, April 14, 1838, at six o'clock in the morning, my dear wife, Elizabeth Buddenbrook, born Kr&#246;ger, was, by God's gracious help, happily delivered of a daughter, who will receive the name of Clara in Holy Baptism. Yea, the Lord hath holpen mightily; for according to Doctor Grabow, the birth was somewhat premature, and her condition not of the best. She suffered great pain. Oh, Lord God of Sabaoth, where is there any other God save Thee? who helpest us in all our times of need and danger, and teachest us to know Thy will aright, that we may fear Thee and obey Thy commandments! O Lord, lead us and guide us all, so long as we live upon this earth....&#8221; The pen hurried glibly over the paper, with here and there a commercial flourish, talking with God in every line. Two pages further on: &#8220;I have taken out,&#8221; it said, &#8220;an insurance policy for my youngest daughter, of one hundred and fifty thaler current. Lead her, O Lord, in Thy ways, give her a pure heart, O God, that she may one day enter into the mansions of eternal peace. For inasmuch as our weak human hearts are prone to forget Thy priceless gift of the sweet, blessed Jesus....&#8221; And so on for three pages. Then he wrote &#8220;Amen.&#8221; But still the faint scratching sound of the pen went on, over several more pages. It wrote of the precious spring that refreshes the tired wanderer, of the Saviour's holy wounds gushing blood, of the broad way and the narrow way, and the glory of the Eternal God. It is true that after a while the Consul began to feel that he had written enough; that he might let well enough alone, and go in to see his wife, or out to the counting-house. Oh, fie, fie! Did one so soon weary of communion with his Lord and Saviour? Was it not robbing his God to scant Him of this service? No, he would go on, as a chastisement for these unholy impulses. He cited whole pages of Scripture, he prayed for his parents, his wife, his children, and himself, he prayed even for his brother Gotthold. And then, with a last quotation and three final &#8220;Amens,&#8221; he strewed sand on the paper and leaned back with a sigh of relief.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He crossed one leg over the other and slowly turned the pages of the notebook, reading dates and entries here and there, written in his own hand, and thanking the Lord afresh as he saw how in every time of need and danger He had stretched out His hand to aid. Once he had lain so ill of small-pox that his life had been despaired of&#8212;yet it had been saved. And once, when he was a boy, a beer-vat had fallen on him. A large quantity of beer was being brewed for a wedding, in the old days when the brewing was done at home; and a vat had fallen over, pinning the boy beneath it. It had taken six people to lift it up again, and his head had been crushed so that the blood ran down in streams. He was carried into a shop, and, as he still breathed, the doctor and the surgeon were sent for. They told the father to prepare for the worst and to bow to the will of God. But the Almighty had blessed the work of healing, and the boy was saved and restored to health. The Consul dwelt a while upon this account, re-living the accident in his mind. Then he took his pen again and wrote after his last &#8220;Amen&#8221;: &#8220;Yea, O God, I will eternally praise Thee!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Another time, his life had been saved from danger by water, when he had gone to Bergen, as a young man. The account read:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At high water, when the freight boats of the Northern Line are in, we have great difficulty getting through the press to our landing. I was standing on the edge of the scow, with my feet on the thole-pins, leaning my back against the sailboat, trying to get the scow nearer in, when, as luck would have it, the oak thole-pins broke, and I went head over heels into the water. The first time I came up, nobody was near enough to get hold of me; the second time, the scow went over my head. There were plenty of people there anxious to save me, but they had to keep the sailboat and the scow off, so that I should not come up under them; and all their shoving would probably have been in vain if a rope had not suddenly broken on one of the sailboats belonging to the Line, so that she swung further out; and this, by the grace of God, gave me room enough to come up in free water. It was only the top of my head, with the hair, that they saw; but it was enough, for they were all lying on their stomachs with their heads sticking out over the scow, and the man at the bow grabbed me by the hair, and I got hold of his arm. He was in an unsafe position himself and could not hold me, but he gave a yell, and they all took hold of him around the waist and pulled. I hung on, though he bit me to make me let go. So they got me in at last.&#8221; There followed a long prayer of thanksgiving, which the Consul re-read with tear-wet eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On another page he had said: &#8220;I could write much more, were I minded to reveal the passions of my youth....&#8221; The Consul passed over this, and began to read here and there from the period of his marriage and the birth of his first child. The union, to be frank, could hardly be called a love-match. His father had tapped him on the shoulder and pointed out to him the daughter of the wealthy Kr&#246;ger, who could bring the firm a splendid marriage portion. He had accepted the situation with alacrity; and from the first moment had honoured his wife as the mate entrusted to him by God.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After all, his father's second marriage had been of much the same kind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;A kind Papa, a worthy man.'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He could still hear old Johann softly humming in the bedroom. What a pity he had so little taste for those old records! He stood with both feet firmly planted in the present, and concerned himself seldom with the past of his family. Yet in times gone by he too had made a few entries in the gilt-edged book. The Consul turned to those pages, written in a florid hand on rather coarse paper that was already yellowing with age. They were chiefly about his first marriage. Ah, Johann Buddenbrook must have adored his first wife, the daughter of a Bremen merchant! The one brief year it had been granted him to live with her was the happiest of his life&#8212;&#8220;l'ann&#233;e la plus heureuse de ma vie,&#8221; he had written there. The words were underlined with a wavy line, for all the world, even Madame Antoinette, to see.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then Gotthold had come, and Josephine had died. And here some strange things had been written on the rough paper. Johann Buddenbrook must have openly and bitterly hated his child, even when, while still in the womb, it had caused its mother to faint and agonize under the lusty burden. It was born strong and active, while Josephine buried her bloodless face deeper in the pillows and passed away. Johann never forgave the ruthless intruder. He grew up vigorous and pushing, and Johann thought of him as his mother's murderer. This was, to the Consul's mind, incomprehensible. She had died, he thought, fulfilling the holy duty of a woman: &#8220;the love I bore to her would have passed over in all its tenderness to her child,&#8221; he said to himself. It had not been so. Later the father married again, his bride being Antoinette Duchamps, the daughter of a rich and much-esteemed Hamburg family, and the two had dwelt together with mutual respect and deference.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul went on turning over the pages. There at the end were written the small histories of his own children: how Tom had had the measles, and Antonie jaundice, and Christian chicken-pox. There were accounts of various journeys he had taken with his wife, to Paris, Switzerland, Marienbad. Then the Consul turned back to the front of the book, to some pages written in bluish ink, in a hand full of flourishes, on paper that was like parchment, but tattered and spotted with age. Here his grandfather Johann had set down the genealogy of the main branch of the Buddenbrooks. At the end of the sixteenth century, the first Buddenbrook of whom they had knowledge lived in Parchim, and his son had been a Senator of Grabau. Another Buddenbrook, a tailor by trade, and &#8220;very well-to-do&#8221; (this was underlined) had married in Rostock and begotten an extraordinary number of children, who lived or died, as the case might be. And again, another, this time a Johann, had lived in Rostock as a merchant, from whom the Consul's grandfather had descended, who had left Rostock to settle himself in this very town, and was the founder of the present grain business. There was much about him set down in detail: when he had had the purples, and when genuine small-pox; when he had fallen out of the malt-kiln and been miraculously saved, when he might have fallen against the beams and been crushed; how he had had fever and been delirious&#8212;all these events were meticulously described. He had also written down wise admonitions for the benefit of his descendants, like the following, which was carefully painted and framed, in a tall Gothic script set off with a border: &#8220;My son, attend with zeal to thy business by day; but do none that hinders thee from thy sleep by night.&#8221; He had also stated that his old Wittenberg Bible was to descend to his eldest son, and thence from first-born to first-born in each generation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Consul Buddenbrook reached for the old leather portfolio and took out the remaining documents. There were letters, on torn and yellow paper, written by anxious mothers to their sons abroad&#8212;which the sons had docketed: &#8220;Received and contents duly noted.&#8221; There were citizens' papers, with the seal and crest of the free Hansa town; insurance policies; letters inviting this or that Buddenbrook to become god-father for a colleague's child; congratulatory epistles and occasional poems. Sons travelling for the firm to Stockholm or Amsterdam had written back, to the parent or partner at home, letters in which business was touchingly mingled with inquiries after wife and child. There was a separate diary of the Consul's journey through England and Brabant; the cover had an engraving of Edinburgh Castle and the Grass-market. Lastly, there were Gotthold's late angry letters to his father&#8212;painful documents, to offset which was the poem written by Jean Jacques Hoffstede to celebrate the house-warming.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A faint, rapid chime came from above the secretary, where there hung a dull-looking painting of an old market square, with a church-tower that possessed a real clock of its own. It was now striking the hour, in authentic if tiny tones. The Consul closed the portfolio and stowed it away carefully in a drawer at the back of the desk. Then he went into the bed-chamber.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Here the walls and the high old bed were hung with dark-flowered chintz, and there was in the air a feeling of repose, of convalescence&#8212;of calm after an anxious and painful ordeal. A mingled odour of cologne and drugs hung in the mild, dim-lighted atmosphere. The old pair bent over the cradle side by side and watched the slumbering child; and the Consul's wife lay pale and happy, in an exquisite lace jacket, her hair carefully dressed. As she put out her hand to her husband, her gold bracelets tinkled slightly. She had a characteristic way of stretching out her hand with the palm upward, in a sweeping gesture that gave it added graciousness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Betsy, how are you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Splendid, splendid, my dear Jean.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He still held her hand as he bent over and looked at the child, whose rapid little breaths were distinctly audible. For a moment he inhaled the tender warmth and the indescribable odour of well-being and cherishing care that came up from the cradle. Then he kissed the little creature on the brow and said softly: &#8220;God bless you!&#8221; He noticed how like to a bird's claws were the tiny yellow, crumpled fingers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She eats splendidly,&#8221; Madame Antoinette said. &#8220;See how she has gained.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I believe, on my soul, she looks like Netta,&#8221; old Johann said, beaming with pride and pleasure. &#8220;See what coal-black eyes she has!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old lady waved him away. &#8220;How can anybody tell who she looks like yet?&#8221; she said. &#8220;Are you going to church, Jean?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it is ten o'clock now, and high time. I am only waiting for the children.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The children were already making an unseemly noise on the stairs, and Clothilde could be heard telling them to hush. They came in in their fur tippets&#8212;for it would still be wintry in St. Mary's&#8212;trying to be soft and gentle in the sick-room. They wanted to see the little sister, and then go to church. Their faces were rosy with excitement. This was a wonderful red-letter day, for the stork had brought not only the baby sister, but all sorts of presents as well. How tremendously strong the stork must be, to carry all that! There was a new seal-skin school-bag for Tom, a big doll for Antonie, that had real hair&#8212;imagine that!&#8212;for Christian a complete toy theatre, with the Sultan, Death, and the Devil; and a book with pictures for demure Clothilde, who accepted it with thanks, but was more interested in the bag of sweeties that fell to her lot as well.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They kissed their mother, and were allowed a peep under the green curtains of the baby's bed. Then off they went with their father, who had put on his fur coat and taken the hymn book. They were followed by the piercing cry of the new member of the family, who had just waked up.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Early in the summer, sometimes as early as May or June, Tony Buddenbrook always went on a visit to her grandparents, who lived outside the Castle Gate. This was a great pleasure.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For life was delightful out there in the country, in the luxurious villa with its many outbuildings, servants' quarters and stables, and its great parterres, orchards, and kitchen-gardens, which ran steeply down to the river Trave. The Kr&#246;gers lived in the grand style; there was a difference between their brilliant establishment and the solid, somewhat heavy comfort of the paternal home, which was obvious at a glance, and which impressed very much the young Demoiselle Buddenbrook.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Here there was no thought of duties in house or kitchen. In the Mengstrasse, though her Mother and Grandfather did not seem to think it important, her Father and her Grandmother were always telling her to remember her dusting, and holding up Clothilde as an example. The old feudal feeling of her Mother's side of the family came out strongly in the little maid: one could see how she issued her orders to the footman or the abigail&#8212;and to her Grandmother's servants and her Grandfather's coachman as well.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Say what you will, it is pleasant to awake every morning in a large, gaily tapestried bed-chamber, and with one's first movements to feel the soft satin of the coverlet under one's hand; to take early breakfast in the balcony room, with the sweet fresh air coming up from the garden through the open glass door; to drink, instead of coffee, a cup of chocolate handed one on a tray&#8212;yes, proper birthday chocolate, with a thick slice of fresh cup-cake! True, she had to eat her breakfast alone, except on Sundays, for her grandparents never came down until long after she had gone to school. When she had munched her cake and drunk her chocolate, she would snatch up her satchel and trip down the terrace and through the well-kept front garden.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was very dainty, this little Tony Buddenbrook. Under her straw hat curled a wealth of blonde hair, slowly darkening with the years. Lively grey-blue eyes and a pouting upper lip gave her fresh face a roguish look, borne out by the poise of her graceful little figure; even the slender legs, in their immaculate white stockings, trotted along over the ground with an unmistakable air of ease and assurance. People knew and greeted the young daughter of Consul Buddenbrook as she came out of the garden gate and up the chestnut-bordered avenue. Perhaps an old market-woman, driving her little cart in from the village, would nod her head in its big flat straw hat with its light-green ribbons, and call out &#8220;Mornin', little missy!&#8221; Or Matthiesen the porter, in his wide knee-breeches, white hose, and buckled shoes, would respectfully take off his hat as she passed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony always waited for her neighbour, little Julie Hagenstr&#246;m; the two children went to school together. Julie was a high-shouldered child, with large, staring black eyes, who lived close by in a vine-covered house. Her people had not been long in the neighbourhood. The father, Herr Hagenstr&#246;m, had married a wife from Hamburg, with thick, heavy black hair and larger diamonds in her ears than any one had ever seen before. Her name was Semlinger. Hagenstr&#246;m was partner in the export firm of Strunck and Hagenstr&#246;m. He showed great zeal and ambition in municipal affairs, and was always acting on boards and committees and administrative bodies. But he was not very popular. His marriage had rather affronted the rigid traditions of the older families, like the M&#246;llendorpfs, Langhals, and Buddenbrooks; and, for another thing, he seemed to enjoy thwarting their ideas at every turn&#8212;he would go to work in an underhand way to oppose their interests, in order to show his own superior foresight and energy. &#8220;Heinrich Hagenstr&#246;m makes trouble the whole time,&#8221; the Consul would say. &#8220;He seems to take a personal pleasure in thwarting me. To-day he made a scene at the sitting of the Central Paupers' Deputation; and a few days ago in the Finance Department....&#8221; &#8220;The old skunk!&#8221; Johann Buddenbrook interjected. Another time, father and son sat down to table angry and depressed. What was the matter? Oh, nothing. They had lost a big consignment of rye for Holland: Strunck and Hagenstr&#246;m had snapped it up under their noses. He was a fox, Heinrich Hagenstr&#246;m.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony had often heard such remarks, and she was not too well disposed toward Julie Hagenstr&#246;m; the two children walked together because they were neighbours, but usually they quarrelled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My Father owns a thousand thalers,&#8221; said Julchen. She thought she was uttering the most terrible falsehood. &#8220;How much does yours?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony was speechless with envy and humiliation. Then she said, with a quiet, off-hand manner: &#8220;My chocolate tasted delicious this morning. What do you have for breakfast, Julie?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Before I forget it,&#8221; Julie would rejoin, &#8220;would you like one of my apples? Well, I won't give you any!&#8221; She pursed up her lips, and her black eyes watered with satisfaction.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sometimes Julie's brother Hermann went to school at the same time with the two girls. There was another brother too, named Moritz, but he was sickly and did his lessons at home. Hermann was fair-haired and snub-nosed. He breathed through his mouth and was always smacking his lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stuff and nonsense!&#8221; he would say. &#8220;Papa has a lot more than a thousand thaler.&#8221; He interested Tony because of the luncheon he took to school: not bread, but a soft sort of lemon bun with currants in it, and sausage or smoked goose between. It seemed to be his favourite luncheon. Tony had never seen anything like it before. Lemon bun, with smoked goose&#8212;it must be wonderful! He let her look into his box, and she asked if she might have some. Hermann said: &#8220;Not to-day, Tony, because I can't spare any. But to-morrow I'll bring another piece for you, if you'll give me something.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Next morning, Tony came out into the avenue, but there was no Julie. She waited five minutes, but there was no sign. Another minute&#8212;there came Hermann alone, swinging his lunch-box by the strap and smacking his lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now,&#8221; he said, &#8220;here's a bun, with some goose between&#8212;all lean; there's not a bit of fat to it. What will you give me for it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A shilling?&#8221; suggested Tony. They were standing in the middle of the avenue.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A shilling?&#8221; repeated Hermann. Then he gave a gulp and said, &#8220;No, I want something else.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What?&#8221; demanded Tony; for she was prepared to pay a good price for the dainty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A kiss!&#8221; shouted Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m. He flung his arms around Tony, and began kissing at random, never once touching her face, for she flung her head back with surprising agility, pushed him back with her left hand&#8212;it was holding her satchel&#8212;against his breast, while with her right hand she dealt him three or four blows in the face with all her strength. He stumbled backward; but at that moment sister Julie appeared from behind a tree, like a little black demon, and, falling upon Tony, tore off her hat and scratched her cheeks unmercifully. After this affair, naturally, the friendship was about at an end.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was hardly out of shyness that Tony had refused the kiss. She was on the whole a forward damsel, and had given the Consul no little disquiet with her tomboy ways. She had a good little head, and did as well in the school as one could desire; but her conduct in other ways was far from satisfactory. Things even went so far that one day the school-mistress, a certain Fr&#228;ulein Agathe Vermehren, felt obliged to call upon the Frau Consul, and, flushed with embarrassment, to suggest with all due politeness that the child should receive a paternal admonition. It seemed that Tony, despite frequent correction, had been guilty, not for the first time, of creating a disturbance in the street!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was, of course, no harm in the fact that the child knew everybody in town. The Consul quite approved of this, and argued that it displayed love of one's neighbour, a sense of human fellowship, and a lack of snobbishness. So Tony, on her way through the streets, chattered with all and sundry. She and Tom would clamber about in the granaries on the water-side, among the piles of oats and wheat, prattling to the labourers and the clerks in the dark little ground-floor offices; they would even help haul up the sacks of grain. She knew the butchers with their trays and aprons, when she met them in Broad Street; she accosted the dairy women when they came in from the country, and made them take her a little way in their carts. She knew the grey-bearded craftsmen who sat in the narrow goldsmiths' shops built into the arcades in the market square; and she knew the fish-wives, the fruit- and vegetable-women, and the porters that stood on the street corners chewing their tobacco.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So far, this was very well. But it was not all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a pale, beardless man, of no particular age, who was often seen wandering up and down Broad Street with a wistful smile on his face. This man was so nervous that he jumped every time he heard a sudden noise behind him; and Tony delighted in making him jump every time she set eyes on him. Then there was an odd, tiny little woman with a large head, who put up a huge tattered umbrella at every sign of a storm. Tony would harass this poor soul with cries of &#8220;Mushroom!&#8221; whenever she had the chance. Moreover, she and two or three more of her ilk would go to the door of a tiny house in an alley off John Street, where there lived an old woman who did a tiny trade in worsted dolls; they would ring the bell and, when the old dame appeared, inquire with deceptive courtesy, if Herr and Frau Spittoon were at home&#8212;and then run away screaming with laughter. All these ragamuffinly tricks Tony Buddenbrook was guilty of&#8212;indeed, she seemed to perform them with the best conscience in the world. If one of her victims threatened her, she would step back a pace or two, toss her pretty head, pout with her pretty lip, and say &#8220;Pooh!&#8221; in a half mocking, half angry tone which meant: &#8220;Try it if you like. I am Consul Buddenbrook's daughter, if you don't know!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus she went about in the town like a little queen; and like a queen, she was kind or cruel to her subjects, as the whim seized her.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Jean Jacques Hoffstede's verdict on the two sons of Consul Buddenbrook undoubtedly hit the mark.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas had been marked from the cradle as a merchant and future member of the firm. He was on the modern side of the old school which the boys attended; an able, quick-witted, intelligent lad, always ready to laugh when his brother Christian mimicked the masters, which he did with uncanny facility. Christian, on the classical side, was not less gifted than Tom, but he was less serious. His special and particular joy in life was the imitation, in speech and manner, of a certain worthy Marcellus Stengel, who taught drawing, singing, and some other of the lighter branches.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This Herr Marcellus Stengel always had a round half-dozen beautifully sharpened pencils sticking out of his pocket. He wore a red wig and a light-brown coat that reached nearly down to his ankles; also a choker collar that came up almost to his temples. He was quite a wit, and loved to play with verbal distinctions, as: &#8220;You were to make a line, my child, and what have you made? You have made a dash!&#8221; In singing-class, his favourite lesson was &#8220;The Forest Green.&#8221; When they sang this, some of the pupils would go outside in the corridor; and then, when the chorus rose inside: &#8220;We ramble so gaily through field and wood,&#8221; those outside would repeat the last word very softly, as an echo. Once Christian Buddenbrook, his cousin J&#252;rgen Kr&#246;ger, and his chum Andreas Gieseke, the son of the Fire Commissioner, were deputed as echo; but when the moment came, they threw the coal-scuttle downstairs instead, and were kept in after school by Herr Stengel in consequence. But alas, by that time Herr Stengel had forgotten their crime. He bade his housekeeper give them each a cup of coffee, and then dismissed them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In truth, they were all admirable scholars, the masters who taught in the cloisters of the old school&#8212;once a monastic foundation&#8212;under the guidance of a kindly, snuff-taking old head. They were, to a man, well-meaning and sweet-humoured; and they were one in the belief that knowledge and good cheer are not mutually exclusive. The Latin classes in the middle forms were heard by a former preacher, one Pastor Shepherd, a tall man with brown whiskers and a twinkling eye, who joyed extremely in the happy coincidence of his name and calling, and missed no chance of having the boys translate the word &lt;i&gt;pastor&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb9&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;pastor &#8211; shepherd (Latin)&#034; id=&#034;nh9&#034;&gt;9&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. His favourite expression was &#8220;boundlessly limited&#8221;; but it was never quite clear whether this was actually meant for a joke or not! When he wanted to dumbfound his pupils altogether, he would draw in his lips and blow them quickly out again, with a noise like the popping of a champagne cork. He would go up and down with long strides in his class-room, prophesying to one boy or another, with great vividness, the course which his life would take. He did this avowedly with the purpose of stimulating their imaginations; and then he would set to work seriously on the business in hand, which was to repeat certain verses on the rules of gender and difficult constructions. He had composed these verses himself, with no little skill, and took much pride in declaiming them, with great attention to rhyme and rhythm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus passed Tom's and Christian's boyhood, with no great events to mark its course. There was sunshine in the Buddenbrook family, and in the office everything went famously. Only now and again there would be a sudden storm, a trifling mishap, like the following:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Stuht the tailor had made a new suit for each of the Buddenbrook lads. Herr Stuht lived in Bell-Founders' Street. He was a master tailor, and his wife bought and sold old clothes, and thus moved in the best circles of society. Herr Stuht himself had an enormous belly, which hung down over his legs, wrapped in a flannel shirt. The suits he made for the young Masters Buddenbrook were at the combined cost of seventy marks; but at the boys' request he had consented to put them down in the bill at eighty marks and to hand them the difference. It was just a little arrangement among themselves&#8212;not very honourable, indeed, but then, not very uncommon either. However, fate was unkind, and the bargain came to light. Herr Stuht was sent for to the Consul's office, whither he came, with a black coat over his woollen shirt, and stood there while the Consul subjected Tom and Christian to a severe cross-examination. His head was bowed and his legs far apart, his manner vastly respectful. He tried to smooth things over as much as he could for the young gentlemen, and said that what was done was done, and he would be satisfied with the seventy marks. But the Consul was greatly incensed by the trick. He gave it long and serious consideration; yet finally ended by increasing the lads' pocket-money&#8212;for was it not written: &#8220;Lead us not into temptation?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It seemed probable that more might be expected from Thomas Buddenbrook than from his brother Christian. He was even-tempered, and his high spirits never crossed the bounds of discretion. Christian, on the other hand, was inclined to be moody: guilty at times of the most extravagant silliness, at others he would be seized by a whim which could terrify the rest of them in the most astonishing way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The family are at table eating dessert and conversing pleasantly the while. Suddenly Christian turns pale and puts back on his plate the peach into which he has just bitten. His round, deep-set eyes, above the too-large nose, have opened wider.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will never eat another peach,&#8221; he says.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not, Christian? What nonsense! What's the matter?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Suppose I accidentally&#8212;suppose I swallowed the stone, and it stuck in my throat, so I couldn't breathe, and I jumped up, strangling horribly&#8212;and all of you jump up&#8212; Ugh...!&#8221; and he suddenly gives a short groan, full of horror and affright, starts up in his chair, and acts as if he were trying to escape.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul and Ida Jungmann actually do jump up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Heavens, Christian!&#8212;you haven't swallowed it, have you?&#8221; For his whole appearance suggests that he has.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; says Christian slowly. &#8220;No&#8221;&#8212;he is gradually quieting down&#8212;&#8220;I only mean, suppose I actually &lt;i&gt;had&lt;/i&gt; swallowed it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul has been pale with fright, but he recovers and begins to scold. Old Johann bangs his fist on the table and forbids any more of these idiotic practical jokes. But Christian, for a long, long time, eats no more peaches.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It was not simply the weakness of age that made Madame Antoinette Buddenbrook take to her lofty bed in the bed-chamber of the entresol, one cold January day after they had dwelt some six years in Meng Street. The old lady had remained hale and active, and carried her head, with its clustering white side-curls, proudly erect to the very last. She had gone with her husband and children to most of the large dinners given in the town, and presided no whit less elegantly than her daughter-in-law when the Buddenbrooks themselves entertained. But one day an indefinable malady had suddenly made itself felt&#8212;at first in the form of a slight intestinal catarrh, for which Dr. Grabow prescribed a mild diet of pigeon and French bread. This had been followed by colic and vomiting, which reduced her strength so rapidly as to bring about an alarming decline.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dr. Grabow held hurried speech with the Consul, outside on the landing, and another doctor was called in consultation&#8212;a stout, black-bearded, gloomy-looking man who began going in and out with Dr. Grabow. And now the whole atmosphere of the house changed. They went about on their tip-toes and spoke in whispers. The wagons were no longer allowed to roll through the great entry-way below. They looked in each others' eyes and saw there something strange. It was the idea of death that had entered, and was holding silent sway in the spacious rooms.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But there was no idle watching, for visitors came: old Senator Duchamps, the dying woman's brother, from Hamburg, with his daughter; and a few days later, the Consul's sister from Frankfort and her husband, who was a banker. The illness lasted fourteen or fifteen days, during which the guests lived in the house, and Ida Jungmann had her hands full attending to the bedrooms and providing heavy breakfasts, with shrimps and port wine. Much roasting and baking went on in the kitchen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Upstairs, Johann Buddenbrook sat by the sick-bed, his old Netta's limp hand in his, and stared into space with his brows knitted and his lower lip hanging. A clock hung on the wall and ticked dully, with long pauses between; not so long, however, as the pauses between the dying woman's fluttering breaths. A black-robed sister of mercy busied herself about the beef-tea which they still sought to make the patient take. Now and then some member of the family would appear at the door and disappear again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Perhaps the old man was thinking how he had sat at the death-bed of his first wife, forty-six years before. Perhaps he recalled his frenzy of despair and contrasted it with the gentle melancholy which he felt now, as an old man, gazing into the face of his old wife&#8212;a face so changed, so listless, so void of expression. She had never given him either a great joy or a great sorrow; but she had decorously played her part beside him for many a long year&#8212;and now her life was ebbing away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was not thinking a great deal. He was only looking with fixed gaze back into his own past life and at life in general. It all seemed to him now quite strange and far away, and he shook his head a little. That empty noise and bustle, in the midst of which he had once stood, had flowed away imperceptibly and left him standing there, listening in wonder to sounds that died upon his ear. &#8220;Strange, strange,&#8221; he murmured.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Buddenbrook breathed her last brief, effortless sigh; and they prayed by her side in the dining-room, where the service was held; and the bearers lifted the flower-covered coffin to carry it away. But old Johann did not weep. He only gave the same gentle, bewildered head-shake, and said, with the same half-smiling look: &#8220;Strange, strange!&#8221; It became his most frequent expression. Plainly, the time for old Johann too was near at hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He would sit silent and absent in the family circle; sometimes with little Clara on his knee, to whom he would sing one of his droll catches, like&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The omnibus drives through the town&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
or perhaps&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Look at the blue-fly a-buzzin' on the wall.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But he might suddenly stop in the middle, like one aroused out of a train of thought, put the child down on the floor, and move away, with his little head-shake and murmur &#8220;Strange, strange!&#8221; One day he said: &#8220;Jean&#8212;it's about time, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was soon afterward that neatly printed notices signed by father and son were sent about through the town, in which Johann Buddenbrook senior respectfully begged leave to announce that his increasing years obliged him to give up his former business activities, and that in consequence the firm of Johann Buddenbrook, founded by his late father anno 1768, would as from that day be transferred, with its assets and liabilities, to his son and former partner Johann Buddenbrook as sole proprietor; for whom he solicited a continuance of the confidence so widely bestowed upon him. Signed, with deep respect, Johann Buddenbrook&#8212;who would from now on cease to append his signature to business papers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
These announcements were no sooner sent out than the old man refused to set foot in the office; and his apathy so increased that it took only the most trifling cold to send him to bed, one March day two months after the death of his wife. One night more&#8212;then came the hour when the family gathered round his bed and he spoke to them: first to the Consul: &#8220;Good luck, Jean, and keep your courage up!&#8221; And then to Thomas: &#8220;Be a help to your Father, Tom!&#8221; And to Christian: &#8220;Be something worth while!&#8221; Then he was silent, gazing at them all; and finally, with a last murmured &#8220;Strange!&#8221; he turned his face to the wall....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To the very end, he did not speak of Gotthold, and the latter encountered with silence the Consul's written summons to his father's death-bed. But early the next morning, before the announcements were sent out, as the Consul was about to go into the office to attend to some necessary business, Gotthold Buddenbrook, proprietor of the linen firm of Siegmund St&#252;wing and Company, came with rapid steps through the entry. He was forty-six years old, broad and stocky, and had thick ash-blond whiskers streaked with grey. His short legs were cased in baggy trousers of rough checked material. On the steps he met the Consul, and his eyebrows went up under the brim of his grey hat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He did not put out his hand. &#8220;Johann,&#8221; he said, in a high-pitched, rather agreeable voice, &#8220;how is he?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He passed away last night,&#8221; the Consul said, with deep emotion, grasping his brother's hand, which held an umbrella. &#8220;The best of fathers!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gotthold drew down his brows now, so low that the lids nearly closed. After a silence, he said pointedly: &#8220;Nothing was changed up to the end?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul let his hand drop and stepped back. His round, deep-set blue eyes flashed as he answered, &#8220;Nothing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gotthold's eyebrows went up again under his hat, and his eyes fixed themselves on his brother with an expression of suspense.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what have I to expect from your sense of justice?&#8221; he asked in a lower voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was the Consul's turn to look away. Then, without lifting his eyes, he made that downward gesture with his hand that always betokened decision; and in a quiet voice, but firmly, he answered:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In this sad and solemn moment I have offered you my brotherly hand. But if it is your intention to speak of business matters, then I can only reply in my capacity as head of the honourable firm whose sole proprietor I have to-day become. You can expect from me nothing that runs counter to the duties I have to-day assumed; all other feelings must be silent.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gotthold went away. But he came to the funeral, among the host of relatives, friends, business associates, deputies, clerks, porters, and labourers that filled the house, the stairs, and the corridors to overflowing and assembled all the hired coaches in town in a long row all the way down the Mengstrasse. Gotthold came, to the sincere joy of the Consul. He even brought his wife, born St&#252;wing, and his three grown daughters: Friederike and Henriette, who were too tall and thin, and Pfiffi, who was eighteen, and too short and fat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pastor K&#246;lling of St. Mary's, a heavy man with a bullet head and a rough manner of speaking, held the service at the grave, in the Buddenbrook family burying-ground, outside the Castle Gate, at the edge of the cemetery grove. He extolled the godly, temperate life of the deceased and compared it with that of &#8220;gluttons, drunkards, and profligates&#8221;&#8212;over which strong language some of the congregation shook their heads, thinking of the tact and moderation of their old Pastor Wunderlich, who had lately died. When the service and the burial were over, and the seventy or eighty hired coaches began to roll back to town, Gotthold Buddenbrook asked the Consul's permission to go with him, that they might speak together in private. He sat with his brother on the back seat of the high, ungainly old coach, one short leg crossed over the other&#8212;and, wonderful to relate, he was gentle and conciliatory. He realized more and more, he said, that the Consul was bound to act as he was doing; and he was determined to cherish no bitter memories of his father. He renounced the claims he had put forward, the more readily that he had decided to retire from business and live upon his inheritance and what capital he had left; for he had no joy of the linen business, and it was going so indifferently that he could not bring himself to put any more money into it.... &#8220;His spite against our Father brought him no blessing,&#8221; the Consul thought piously. Probably Gotthold thought so too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When they got back, he went with his brother up to the breakfast-room; and as both gentlemen felt rather chilly, after standing so long in their dress-coats in the early spring air, they drank a glass of old cognac together. Then Gotthold exchanged a few courteous words with his sister-in-law, stroked the children's heads, and went away. But he appeared at the next &#8220;children's day,&#8221; which took place at the Kr&#246;gers', outside the Castle Gate. And he began to wind up his business at once.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It grieved the Consul sorely that the grandfather had not lived to see the entry of his grandson into the business&#8212;an event which took place at Easter-time of the same year.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas had left school at sixteen. He was grown strong and sturdy, and his manly clothes made him look still older. He had been confirmed, and Pastor K&#246;lling, in stentorian tones, had enjoined upon him to practice the virtues of moderation. A gold chain, bequeathed him by his grandfather, now hung about his neck, with the family arms on a medallion at the end&#8212;a rather dismal design, showing on an irregularly hatched surface a flat stretch of marshy country with one solitary, leafless willow tree. The old seal ring with the green stone, once worn, in all probability, by the well-to-do tailor in Rostock, had descended to the Consul, together with the great Bible.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas's likeness to his grandfather was as strong as Christian's to his father. The firm round chin was the old man's, and the straight, well-chiselled nose. Thomas wore his hair parted on one side, and it receded in two bays from his narrow veined temples. His eyelashes were colourless by contrast, and so were the eyebrows, one of which he had a habit of lifting expressively. His speech, his movements, even his laugh, which showed his rather defective teeth, were all quiet and adequate. He already looked forward seriously and eagerly to his career.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was indeed a solemn moment when, after early breakfast, the Consul led him down into the office and introduced him to Herr Marcus the confidential clerk, Herr Havermann the cashier, and the rest of the staff, with all of whom, naturally, he had long been on the best of terms. For the first time he sat at his desk, in his own revolving chair, absorbed in copying, stamping, and arranging papers. In the afternoon his father took him through the magazines on the Trave, each one of which had a special name, like the &#8220;Linden,&#8221; the &#8220;Oak,&#8221; the &#8220;Lion,&#8221; the &#8220;Whale.&#8221; Tom was thoroughly at home in every one of them, of course, but now for the first time he entered them to be formally introduced as a fellow worker.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He entered upon his tasks with devotion, imitating the quiet, tenacious industry of his father, who was working with his jaws set, and writing down many a prayer for help in his private diary. For the Consul had set himself the task of making good the sums paid out by the firm on the occasion of his father's death. It was a conception ... an ideal.... He explained the position quite fully to his wife late one evening in the landscape-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was half-past eleven, and Mamsell Jungmann and the children were already asleep in the corridor rooms. No one slept in the second storey now&#8212;it was empty save for an occasional guest. The Frau Consul sat on the yellow sofa beside her husband, and he, cigar in mouth, was reading the financial columns of the local paper. She bent over her embroidery, moving her lips as she counted a row of stitches with her needle. Six candles burned in a candelabrum on the slender sewing-table beside her, and the chandelier was unlighted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Johann Buddenbrook was nearing the middle forties, and had visibly altered in the last years. His little round eyes seemed to have sunk deeper in his head, his cheek-bones and his large aquiline nose stood out more prominently than ever, and the ash-blond hair seemed to have been just touched with a powder-puff where it parted on the temples. The Frau Consul was at the end of her thirties, but, while never beautiful, was as brilliant as ever; her dead-white skin, with a single freckle here and there, had lost none of its splendour, and the candle-light shone on the rich red-blond hair that was as wonderfully dressed as ever. Giving her husband a sidelong glance with her clear blue eyes, she said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Jean, I wanted to ask you to consider something: if it would not perhaps be advisable to engage a man-servant. I have just been coming to that conclusion. When I think of my parents&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul let his paper drop on his knee and took his cigar out of his mouth. A shrewd look came into his eyes: here was a question of money to be paid out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear Betsy,&#8221; he said&#8212;and he spoke as deliberately as possible, to gain time to muster his excuses&#8212;&#8220;do you think we need a man-servant? Since my parents' death we have kept on all three maids, not counting Mamsell Jungmann. It seems to me&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, but the house is so big, Jean. We can hardly get along as it is. I say to Line, &#8216;Line, it's a fearfully long time since the rooms in the annexe were dusted'; but I don't like to drive the girls too hard; they have their work cut out to keep everything clean and tidy here in the front. And a man-servant would be so useful for errands and so on. We could find some honest man from the country, who wouldn't expect much.... Oh, before I forget it&#8212;Louise M&#246;llendorpf is letting her Anton go. I've seen him serve nicely at table.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To tell you the truth,&#8221; said the Consul, and shuffled about a little uneasily, &#8220;it is a new idea to me. We aren't either entertaining or going out just now&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, but we have visitors very often&#8212;for which I am not responsible, Jean, as you know, though of course I am always glad to see them. You have a business friend from somewhere, and you invite him to dinner. Then he has not taken a room at a hotel, so we ask him to stop the night. A missionary comes, and stops the week with us. Week after next, Pastor Mathias is coming from Kannstadt. And the wages amount to so little&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But they mount up, Betsy! We have four people here in the house&#8212;and think of the pay-roll the firm has!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So we really can't afford a man-servant?&#8221; the Frau Consul asked. She smiled as she spoke, and looked at her husband with her head on one side. &#8220;When I think of all the servants my Father and Mother had&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear Betsy! Your parents&#8212; I really must ask you if you understand our financial position?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Jean, I must admit I do not. I'm afraid I have only a vague idea&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I can tell you in a few words,&#8221; the Consul said. He sat up straight on the sofa, with one knee crossed over the other, puffed at his cigar, knit his brows a little, and marshalled his figures with wonderful fluency.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To put it briefly, my Father had, before my sister's marriage, a round sum of nine hundred thousand marks net, not counting, of course, real estate, and the stock and good will of the firm. Eighty thousand went to Frankfort as dowry, and a hundred thousand to set Gotthold up in business. That leaves seven hundred and twenty thousand. The price of this house, reckoning off what we got for the little one in Alf Street, and counting all the improvements and new furnishings, came to a good hundred thousand. That brings it down to six hundred and twenty thousand. Twenty-five thousand to Frankfort, as compensation on the house, leaves five hundred and ninety-five thousand&#8212;which is what we should have had at Father's death if we hadn't partly made up for all these expenses through years, by a profit of some two hundred thousand marks current. The entire capital amounted to seven hundred and ninety-five thousand marks, of which another hundred thousand went to Gotthold, and a few thousand marks for the minor legacies that Father left to the Holy Ghost Hospital, the Fund for Tradesmen's Widows, and so on. That brings us down to around four hundred and twenty thousand, or another hundred thousand with your own dowry. There is the position, in round figures, aside from small fluctuations in the capital. You see, my dear Betsy, we are not rich. And while the capital has grown smaller, the running expenses have not; for the whole business is established on a certain scale, which it costs about so much to maintain. Have you followed me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul's wife, her needlework in her lap, nodded with some hesitation. &#8220;Quite so, my dear Jean,&#8221; she said, though she was far from having understood everything, least of all what these big figures had to do with her engaging a man-servant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul puffed at his cigar till it glowed, threw back his head and blew out the smoke, and then went on:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are thinking, of course, that when God calls your dear parents unto Himself, we shall have a considerable sum to look forward to&#8212;and so we shall. But we must not reckon too blindly on it. Your Father has had some heavy losses, due, we all know, to your brother Justus. Justus is certainly a charming personality, but business is not his strong point, and he has had bad luck too. According to all accounts he has had to pay up pretty heavily, and transactions with bankers make dear money. Your Father has come to the rescue several times, to prevent a smash. That sort of thing may happen again&#8212;to speak frankly, I am afraid it will. You will forgive me, Betsy, for my plain speaking, but you know that the style of living which is so proper and pleasing in your Father is not at all suitable for a business man. Your Father has nothing to do with business any more; but Justus&#8212;you know what I mean&#8212;he isn't very careful, is he? His ideas are too large, he is too impulsive. And your parents aren't saving anything. They live a lordly life&#8212;as their circumstances permit them to.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul smiled forbearingly. She well knew her husband's opinion of the luxurious Kr&#246;ger tastes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's all,&#8221; he said, and put his cigar into the ash-receiver. &#8220;As far as I'm concerned, I live in the hope that God will preserve my powers unimpaired, and that by His gracious help I may succeed in re&#235;stablishing the firm on its old basis.... I hope you see the thing more clearly now, Betsy?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quite, quite, my dear Jean,&#8221; the Frau Consul hastened to reply; for she had given up the man-servant, for the evening. &#8220;Shall we go to bed? It is very late&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A few days later, when the Consul came in to dinner in an unusually good mood, they decided at the table to engage the M&#246;llendorpfs' Anton.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;We shall put Tony into Fr&#228;ulein Weichbrodt's boarding-school,&#8221; said the Consul. He said it with such decision that so it was.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas was applying himself with talent to the business; Clara was a thriving, lively child; and the appetite of the good Clothilde must have pleased any heart alive. But Tony and Christian were hardly so satisfactory. It was not only that Christian had to stop nearly every afternoon for coffee with Herr Stengel&#8212;though even this became at length too much for the Frau Consul, and she sent a dainty missive to the master, summoning him to conference in Meng Street. Herr Stengel appeared in his Sunday wig and his tallest choker, bristling with lead-pencils like lance-heads, and they sat on the sofa in the landscape-room, while Christian hid in the dining-room and listened. The excellent man set out his views, with eloquence if some embarrassment: spoke of the difference between &#8220;line&#8221; and &#8220;dash,&#8221; told the tale of &#8220;The Forest Green&#8221; and the scuttle of coals, and made use in every other sentence of the phrase &#8220;in consequence.&#8221; It probably seemed to him a circumlocution suitable to the elegant surroundings in which he found himself. After a while the Consul came and drove Christian away. He expressed to Herr Stengel his lively regret that a son of his should give cause for dissatisfaction. &#8220;Oh, Herr Consul, God forbid! Buddenbrook minor has a wide-awake mind, he is a lively chap, and in consequence&#8212; Just a little &lt;i&gt;too&lt;/i&gt; lively, if I might say so; and in consequence&#8212;&#8221; The Consul politely went with him through the hall to the entry, and Herr Stengel took his leave.... Ah, no, this was far from being the worst!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The worst, when it became known, was as follows: Young Christian Buddenbrook had leave one evening to go to the theatre in company with a friend. The performance was Schiller's Wilhelm Tell; and the r&#244;le of Tell's son Walter was played by a young lady, a certain Mademoiselle Meyer-de-la-Grange. Christian's worst, then, had to do with this young person. She wore when on the stage, whether it suited her part or not, a diamond brooch, which was notoriously genuine; for, as everybody knew, it was the gift of young Consul D&#246;hlmann&#8212;Peter D&#246;hlmann, son of the deceased wholesale dealer in Wall Street outside Holsten Gate. Consul Peter, like Justus Kr&#246;ger, belonged to the group of young men whom the town called &#8220;fast.&#8221; His way of life, that is to say, was rather loose! He had married, and had one child, a little daughter; but he had long ago quarrelled with his wife, and he led the life of a bachelor. His father had left him a considerable inheritance, and he carried on the business, after a fashion; but people said he was already living on his capital. He lived mostly at the Club or the Rathskeller, was often to be met somewhere in the street at four o'clock in the morning; and made frequent business trips to Hamburg. Above all, he was a zealous patron of the drama, and took a strong personal interest in the cast. Mademoiselle Meyer-de-la-Grange was the latest of a line of young ladies whom he had, in the past, distinguished by a gift of diamonds.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, to arrive at the point, this young lady looked so charming as Walter Tell, wore her brooch and spoke her lines with such effect, that Christian felt his heart swell with enthusiasm, and tears rose to his eyes. He was moved by his transports to a course that only the very violence of emotion could pursue. He ran during the entr'acte to a flower-shop opposite, where, for the sum of one mark eight and a half shillings, he got at a bargain a bunch of flowers; and then this fourteen-year-old sprat, with his big nose and his deep-lying eyes, took his way to the green-room, since nobody stopped him, and came upon Fr&#228;ulein Meyer-de-la-Grange, talking with Consul Peter D&#246;hlmann at her dressing-room door. Peter D&#246;hlmann nearly fell over with laughing when he saw Christian with the bouquet. But the new wooer, with a solemn face, bowed in his best manner before Walter Tell, handed her the bouquet, and, nodding his head, said in a voice of well-nigh tearful conviction: &#8220;Ah, Fr&#228;ulein, how &lt;i&gt;beautifully&lt;/i&gt; you act!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, hang me if it ain't Krishan Buddenbrook!&#8221; Consul D&#246;hlmann cried out, in his broadest accent. Fr&#228;ulein Meyer-de-la-Grange lifted her pretty brows and asked: &#8220;The son of Consul Buddenbrook?&#8221; And she stroked the cheek of her young admirer with all the favour in the world.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Such was the story that Consul Peter D&#246;hlmann told at the Club that night; it flew about the town like lightning, and reached the ears of the head master, who asked for an audience with Consul Buddenbrook. And how did the Father take this affair? He was, in truth, less angry than overwhelmed. He sat almost like a broken man, after telling the Frau Consul the story in the landscape-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And this is our son,&#8221; he said. &#8220;So is he growing up&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But Jean! Good heavens, your Father would have laughed at it. Tell it to my Father and Mother on Thursday&#8212;you will see how Papa will enjoy it&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But here the Consul rose up in anger. &#8220;Ah, yes, yes! I am sure he will enjoy it, Betsy. He will be glad to know that his light blood and impious desires live on, not only in a rake like Justus, his own son, but also in a grandson of his as well! Good God, you drive me to say these things!&#8212; He goes to this&#8212;person; he spends his pocket-money on flowers for this&#8212;lorette! I don't say he knows what he is doing&#8212;yet. But the inclination shows itself&#8212;it shows itself, Betsy!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ah, yes, this was all very painful indeed. The Consul was perhaps the more beside himself for the added reason that Tony's behaviour, too, had not been of the best. She had given up, it is true, shouting at the nervous stranger to make him dance; and she no longer rang the doorbell of the tiny old woman who sold worsted dolls. But she threw back her head more pertly than ever, and showed, especially after the summer visits with her grandparents, a very strong tendency to vanity and arrogance of spirit.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
One day the Consul surprised her and Mamsell Jungmann reading together. The book was Clauren's &#8220;Mimili&#8221;; the Consul turned over some of the leaves, and then silently closed it&#8212;and it was opened no more. Soon afterward it came to light that Tony&#8212;Antonie Buddenbrook, no less a person&#8212;had been seen walking outside the City wall with a young student, a friend of her brother. Frau Stuht, she who moved in the best circles, had seen the pair, and had remarked at the M&#246;llendorpfs', whither she had gone to buy some cast-off clothing, that really Mademoiselle Buddenbrook was getting to the age where&#8212; And Frau Senator M&#246;llendorpf had lightly repeated the story to the Consul. The pleasant strolls came to an end. Later it came out that Fr&#228;ulein Antonie had made a post-office of the old hollow tree that stood near the Castle Gate, and not only posted therein letters addressed to the same student, but received letters from him as well by that means. When these facts came to light, they seemed to indicate the need of a more watchful oversight over the young lady, now fifteen years old; and she was accordingly, as we have already said, sent to boarding-school at Fr&#228;ulein Weichbrodt's, Number seven, Millbank.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Therese Weichbrodt was humpbacked. So humpbacked that she was not much higher than a table. She was forty-one years old. But as she had never put her faith in outward seeming, she dressed like an old lady of sixty or seventy. Upon her padded grey locks rested a cap the green ribbons of which fell down over shoulders narrow as a child's. Nothing like an ornament ever graced her shabby black frock&#8212;only the large oval brooch with her mother's miniature in it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Little Miss Weichbrodt had shrewd, sharp brown eyes, a slightly hooked nose, and thin lips which she could compress with extraordinary firmness. In her whole insignificant figure, in her every movement, there indwelt a force which was, to be sure, somewhat comic, yet exacted respect. And her mode of speech helped to heighten the effect. She spoke with brisk, jerky motions of the lower jaw and quick, emphatic nods. She used no dialect, but enunciated clearly and with precision, stressing the consonants. Vowel-sounds, however, she exaggerated so much that she said, for instance, &#8220;botter&#8221; instead of &#8220;butter&#8221;&#8212;or even &#8220;batter!&#8221; Her little dog that was forever yelping she called Babby instead of Bobby. She would say to a pupil: &#8220;Don-n't be so stu-upid, child,&#8221; and give two quick knocks on the table with her knuckle. It was very impressive&#8212;no doubt whatever about that! And when Mlle. Popinet, the Frenchwoman, took too much sugar to her coffee, Miss Weichbrodt had a way of gazing at the ceiling and drumming on the cloth with one hand while she said: &#8220;Why not take the who-ole sugar-basin? I would!&#8221; It always made Mlle. Popinet redden furiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As a child&#8212;heavens, what a tiny child she must have been!&#8212;Therese Weichbrodt had given herself the nickname of Sesemi, and she still kept it, even letting the best and most favoured of the day as well as of the boarding-pupils use it. &#8220;Call me Sesemi, child,&#8221; she said on the first day to Tony Buddenbrook, kissing her briefly, with a sound as of a small explosion, on the forehead. &#8220;I like it.&#8221; Her elder sister, however, Madame Kethelsen, was called Nelly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Kethelsen was about forty-eight years old. She had been left penniless when her husband died, and now lived in a little upstairs bedroom in her sister's house. She dressed like Sesemi, but by contrast was very tall. She wore woollen wristlets on her thin wrists. She was not a mistress, and knew nothing of discipline. A sort of inoffensive and placid cheerfulness was all her being. When one of the pupils played a prank, she would laugh so heartily that she nearly cried, and then Sesemi would rap on the table and call out &#8220;Nelly!&#8221; very sharply&#8212;it sounded like &#8220;Nally&#8221;&#8212;and Madame Kethelsen would shrink into herself and be mute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Kethelsen obeyed her younger sister, who scolded her as if she were a child. Sesemi, in fact, despised her warmly. Therese Weichbrodt was a well-read, almost a literary woman. She struggled endlessly to keep her childhood faith, her religious assurance that somewhere in the beyond she was to be recompensed for the hard, dull present. But Madame Kethelsen, innocent, uninstructed, was all simplicity of nature. &#8220;Dear, good Nelly, what a child she is! She never doubts or struggles, she is always happy.&#8221; In such remarks there was always as much contempt as envy. Contempt was a weakness of Sesemi's&#8212;perhaps a pardonable one.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The small red-brick suburban house was surrounded by a neatly kept garden. Its lofty ground floor was entirely taken up by schoolrooms and dining-room; the bedrooms were in the upper storey and the attic. Miss Weichbrodt did not have a large number of pupils. As boarders she received only older girls, while the day-school consisted of but three classes, the lowest ones. Sesemi took care to have only the daughters of irreproachably refined families in her house. Tony Buddenbrook, as we have seen, she welcomed most tenderly. She even made &#8220;bishop&#8221; for supper&#8212;a sort of sweet red punch to be taken cold, in the making of which she was a past mistress. &#8220;A little more beeshop,&#8221; she urged with a hearty nod. It sounded so tempting; nobody could resist!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fr&#228;ulein Weichbrodt sat on two sofa-cushions at the top of the table and presided over the meal with tact and discretion. She held her stunted figure stiffly erect, tapped vigilantly on the table, cried &#8220;Nally&#8221; or &#8220;Babby,&#8221; and subdued Mlle. Popinet with a glance whenever the latter seemed about to take unto herself all the cold veal jelly. Tony had been allotted a place between two other boarders, Armgard von Schilling, the strapping blond daughter of a Mecklenburg landowner, and Gerda Arnoldsen, whose home was in Amsterdam&#8212;an unusual, elegant figure, with dark-red hair, brown eyes close together, and a lovely, pale, haughty face. Opposite her sat a chattering French girl who looked like a negress, with huge gold earrings. The lean English Miss Brown, with her sourish smile, sat at the bottom of the table. She was a boarder too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was not hard, with the help of Sesemi's bishop, to get acquainted. Mlle. Popinet had had nightmares again last night&#8212;&lt;i&gt;ah, quel horreur&lt;/i&gt;! She usually screamed &#8220;Help, thieves; help, thieves!&#8221; until everybody jumped out of bed. Next, it appeared that Gerda Arnoldsen did not take piano like the rest of them, but the violin, and that Papa&#8212;her Mother was dead&#8212;had promised her a real Stradivarius. Tony was not musical&#8212;hardly any of the Buddenbrooks and none of the Kr&#246;gers were. She could not even recognize the chorals they played at St. Mary's.&#8212;Oh, the organ in the new Church at Amsterdam had a &lt;i&gt;vox humana&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;a human voice&#8212;that was just wonderful. Armgard von Schilling talked about the cows at home.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was Armgard who from the earliest moment had made a great impression on Tony. She was the first person from a noble family whom Tony had ever known. What luck, to be called &lt;i&gt;von&lt;/i&gt; Schilling! Her own parents had the most beautiful old house in the town, and her grandparents belonged to the best families; still, they were called plain Buddenbrook and Kr&#246;ger&#8212;which was a pity, to be sure. The granddaughter of the proud Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger glowed with reverence for Armgard's noble birth. Privately, she sometimes thought that the splendid &#8220;von&#8221; went with her better than it did with Armgard; for Armgard did not appreciate her good luck, dear, no! She had a thick pigtail, good-natured blue eyes, and a broad Mecklenburg accent, and went about thinking just nothing at all on the subject. She made absolutely no pretentions to being aristocratic; in fact, she did not know what it was. But the word &#8220;aristocratic&#8221; stuck in Tony's small head; and she emphatically applied it to Gerda Arnoldsen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gerda was rather exclusive, and had something foreign and queer about her. She liked to do up her splendid red hair in striking ways, despite Sesemi's protests. Some of the girls thought it was &#8220;silly&#8221; of her to play the violin instead of the piano&#8212;and, be it known, &#8220;silly&#8221; was a term of very severe condemnation. Still, the girls mostly agreed with Tony that Gerda was aristocratic&#8212;in her figure, well-developed for her years; in her ways, her small possessions, everything. There was the ivory toilet set from Paris, for instance; that Tony could appreciate, for her own parents and grandparents also had treasures which had been brought from Paris.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The three girls soon made friends. They were in the same class and slept together in the same large room at the top of the house. What delightful, cosy times they had going to bed! They gossiped while they undressed&#8212;in undertones, however, for it was ten o'clock and next door Mlle. Popinet had gone to bed to dream of burglars. Eva Ewers slept with her. Eva was a little Hamburger, whose father, an amateur painter and collector, had settled in Munich.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The striped brown blinds were down, the low, red-shaded lamp burned on the table, there was a faint smell of violets and fresh wash, and a delicious atmosphere of laziness and dreams.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Heavens,&#8221; said Armgard, half undressed, sitting on her bed, &#8220;how Dr. Newmann can talk! He comes into the class and stands by the table and tells about Racine&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He has a lovely high forehead,&#8221; remarked Gerda, standing before the mirror between the windows and combing her hair by the light of two candles.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, hasn't he?&#8221; Armgard said eagerly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you are taking the course just on his account, Armgard; you gaze at him all the time with your blue eyes, as if&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you in love with him?&#8221; asked Tony. &#8220;I can't undo my shoe-lace; please, Gerda. Thanks. Why don't you marry him? He is a good match&#8212;he will get to be a High School Professor.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think you are both horrid. I'm not in love with him, and I would not marry a teacher, anyhow. I shall marry a country gentleman.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A nobleman?&#8221; Tony dropped her stocking and looked thoughtfully into Armgard's face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know, yet. But he must have a large estate. Oh, girls, I just love that sort of thing! I shall get up at five o'clock every morning, and attend to everything....&#8221; She pulled up the bed-covers and stared dreamily at the ceiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Five hundred cows are before your mind's eye,&#8221; said Gerda, looking at her in the mirror.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony was not ready yet; but she let her head fall on the pillow, tucked her hands behind her neck, and gazed dreamily at the ceiling in her turn.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course,&#8221; she said, &#8220;I shall marry a business man. He must have a lot of money, so we can furnish elegantly. I owe that to my family and the firm,&#8221; she added earnestly. &#8220;Yes, you'll see, that's what I shall do.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gerda had finished her hair for the night and was brushing her big white teeth, using the ivory-backed hand-mirror to see them better.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall &lt;i&gt;probably&lt;/i&gt; not marry at all,&#8221; she said, speaking with some difficulty on account of the tooth-powder. &#8220;I don't see why I should. I am not anxious. I'll go back to Amsterdam and play duets with Daddy and afterwards live with my married sister.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a pity,&#8221; Tony said briskly. &#8220;What a pity! You ought to marry here and stay here for always. Listen: you could marry one of my brothers&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The one with the big nose?&#8221; asked Gerda, and gave a dainty little yawn, holding the hand-mirror before her face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Or the other; it doesn't matter. You could furnish beautifully. Jacobs could do it&#8212;the upholsterer in Fish Street. He has lovely taste. I'd come to see you every day&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But then there came the voice of Mlle. Popinet. It said: &#8220;Oh, mademoiselles! Please go to bed. It is too late to get married any more this evening!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sundays and holidays Tony spent in Meng Street or outside the town with her grandparents. How lovely, when it was fine on Easter Sunday, hunting for eggs and marzipan hares in the enormous Kr&#246;ger garden! Then there were the summer holidays at the seashore; they lived in the Kurhouse, ate at the table-d'h&#244;te, bathed, and went donkey-riding. Some seasons when the Consul had business, there were long journeys. But Christmases were best of all. There were three present-givings: at home, at the grandparents', and at Sesemi's, where bishop flowed in streams. The one at home was the grandest, for the Consul believed in keeping the holy feast with pomp and ceremony. They gathered in the landscape-room with due solemnity. The servants and the crowd of poor people thronged into the pillared hall, where the Consul went about shaking their purple hands. Then outside rose the voices of the choir-boys from St. Mary's in a quartette, and one's heart beat loudly with awe and expectation. The smell of the Christmas tree was already coming through the crack in the great white folding doors; and the Frau Consul took the old family Bible with the funny big letters, and slowly read aloud the Christmas chapter; and after the choir-boys had sung another carol, everybody joined in &#8220;O Tannenbaum&#8221; and went in solemn procession through the hall into the great salon, hung with tapestries that had statuary woven into them. There the tree rose to the ceiling, decorated with white lilies, twinkling and sparkling and pouring out light and fragrance; and the table with the presents on it stretched from the windows to the door. Outside, the Italians with the barrel-organ were making music in the frozen, snowy streets, and a great hubbub came over from the Christmas market in Market Square. All the children except little Clara stopped up to late supper in the salon, and there were mountains of carp and stuffed turkey.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In these years Tony Buddenbrook visited two Mecklenburg estates. She stopped for two weeks one summer with her friend Armgard, on Herr von Schilling's property, which lay on the coast across the bay from Travem&#252;nde. And another time she went with Cousin Tilda to a place where Bernard Buddenbrook was inspector. This estate was called &#8220;Thankless,&#8221; because it did not bring in a penny's income; but for a summer holiday it was not to be despised.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus the years went on. It was, take it all in all, a happy youth for Tony.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTTHREE&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART THREE&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;On a June afternoon, not long after five o'clock, the family were sitting before the &#8220;portal&#8221; in the garden, where they had drunk coffee. They had pulled the rustic furniture outside, for it was too close in the whitewashed garden house, with its tall mirror decorated with painted birds and its varnished folding doors, which were really not folding doors at all and had only painted latches.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul, his wife, Tony, Tom, and Clothilde sat in a half-circle around the table, which was laid with its usual shining service. Christian, sitting a little to one side, conned the second oration of Cicero against Catiline. He looked unhappy. The Consul smoked his cigar and read the &lt;i&gt;Advertiser&lt;/i&gt;. His wife had let her embroidery fall into her lap and sat smiling at little Clara; the child, with Ida Jungmann, was looking for violets in the grass-plot. Tony, her head propped on both hands, was deep in Hoffman's &#8220;Serapion Brethren,&#8221; while Tom tickled her in the back of the neck with a grass-blade, an attention which she very wisely ignored. And Clothilde, looking thin and old-maidish in her flowered cotton frock, was reading a story called &#8220;Blind, Deaf, Dumb, and Still Happy.&#8221; As she read, she scraped up the biscuit-crumbs carefully with all five fingers from the cloth and ate them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A few white clouds stood motionless in the slowly paling sky. The small town garden, with its carefully laid-out paths and beds, looked gay and tidy in the afternoon sun. The scent of the mignonette borders floated up now and then.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Tom,&#8221; said the Consul expansively, and took the cigar out of his mouth, &#8220;we are arranging that rye sale I told you about, with van Henkdom and Company.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is he giving?&#8221; Tom asked with interest, ceasing to tickle Tony.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sixty thaler for a thousand kilo&#8212;not bad, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's very good.&#8221; Tom knew this was excellent business.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tony, your position is not &lt;i&gt;comme il faut&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb10&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;comme il faut &#8211; proper, as it shoud be&#034; id=&#034;nh10&#034;&gt;10&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;,&#8221; remarked the Frau Consul. Whereat Tony, without raising her eyes from her book, took one elbow off the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never mind,&#8221; Tom said. &#8220;She can sit how she likes, she will always be Tony Buddenbrook. Tilda and she are certainly the beauties of the family.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Clothilde was astonished almost to death. &#8220;Good gracious, Tom,&#8221; she said. It was inconceivable how she could drawl out the syllables. Tony bore the jeer in silence. It was never any use, Tom was more than a match for her. He could always get the last word and have the laugh on his side. Her nostrils dilated a little, and she shrugged her shoulders. But when the Consul's wife began to talk of the coming dance at the house of Consul Huneus, and let fall something about new patent leather shoes, Tony took the other elbow off the table and displayed a lively interest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You keep talking and talking,&#8221; complained Christian fretfully, &#8220;and I'm having such a hard time. I wish I were a business man.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, you're always wanting something different,&#8221; said Tom. Anton came across the garden with a card on his tray. They all looked at him expectantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gr&#252;nlich, Agent,&#8221; read the Consul. &#8220;He is from Hamburg&#8212;an agreeable man, and well recommended, the son of a clergyman. I have business dealings with him. There is a piece of business now.&#8212;Is it all right, Betsy, if I ask him to come out here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A middle-sized man, his head thrust a little forward of his body, carrying his hat and stick in one hand, came across the garden. He was some two-and-thirty years old; he wore a fuzzy greenish-yellow suit with a long-skirted coat, and grey worsted gloves. His face, beneath the sparse light hair, was rosy and smiling; but there was an undeniable wart on one side of his nose. His chin and upper lip were smooth-shaven; he wore long, drooping side-whiskers, in the English fashion, and these adornments were conspicuously golden-yellow in colour. Even at a distance, he began making obsequious gestures with his broad-brimmed grey hat, and as he drew near he took one last very long step, and arrived describing a half-circle with the upper part of his body, by this means bowing to them all at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am afraid I am disturbing the family circle,&#8221; he said in a soft voice, with the utmost delicacy of manner. &#8220;You are conversing, you are indulging in literary pursuits&#8212;I must really beg your pardon for my intrusion.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;By no means, my dear Herr Gr&#252;nlich,&#8221; said the Consul. He and his sons got up and shook hands with the stranger. &#8220;You are very welcome. I am delighted to see you outside the office and in my family circle. Herr Gr&#252;nlich, Betsy&#8212;a friend of mine and a keen man of business. This is my daughter Antonie, and my niece Clothilde. Thomas you know already, and this is my second son, Christian, in High School.&#8221; Herr Gr&#252;nlich responded to each name with an inclination of the body.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must repeat,&#8221; he said, &#8220;that I have no desire to intrude. I came on business. If the Herr Consul would be so good as to take a walk with me round the gardens&#8212;&#8221; The Consul's wife answered: &#8220;It will give us pleasure to have you sit down with us for a little before you begin to talk business with my husband. Do sit down.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A thousand thanks,&#8221; said Herr Gr&#252;nlich, apparently quite flattered. He sat down on the edge of the chair which Tom brought, laid his hat and stick on his knees, and settled himself, running his hand over his long beard with a little hemming and hawing, as if to say, &#8220;Well, now we've got past the introduction&#8212;what next?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul began the conversation. &#8220;You live in Hamburg?&#8221; she asked, inclining her head and letting her work fall into her lap.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Frau Consul,&#8221; responded Herr Gr&#252;nlich with a fresh bow. &#8220;At least, my house is in Hamburg, but I am on the road a good deal. My business is very flourishing&#8212;ahem&#8212;if I may be permitted to say so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul lifted her eyebrows and made respectful motions with her mouth, as if she were saying &#8220;Ah&#8212;indeed?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ceaseless activity is a condition of my being,&#8221; added he, half turning to the Consul. He coughed again as he noticed that Fr&#228;ulein Antonie's glance rested upon him. She gave him, in fact, the cold, calculating stare with which a maiden measures a strange young man&#8212;a stare which seems always on the point of passing over into actual contempt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We have relatives in Hamburg,&#8221; said she, in order to be saying something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The Duchamps,&#8221; explained the Consul. &#8220;The family of my late Mother.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes,&#8221; Herr Gr&#252;nlich hastened to say. &#8220;I have the honour of a slight acquaintance with the family. They are very fine people, in mind and heart. Ahem! This would be a better world if there were more families like them in it. They have religion, benevolence, and genuine piety; in short, they are my ideal of the true Christlike spirit. And in them it is united to a rare degree with a brilliant cosmopolitanism, an elegance, an aristocratic bearing, which I find most attractive, Frau Consul.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony thought: &#8220;How can he know my Father and Mother so well? He is saying exactly what they like best to hear.&#8221; The Consul responded approvingly, &#8220;The combination is one that is becoming in everybody.&#8221; And the Frau Consul could not resist stretching out her hand to their guest with her sweeping gesture, palm upward, while the bracelets gave a little jingle. &#8220;You speak as though you read my inmost thoughts, dear Herr Gr&#252;nlich,&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Upon which, Herr Gr&#252;nlich made another deep bow, settled himself again, stroked his beard, and coughed as if to say: &#8220;Well, let us get on.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul mentioned the disastrous fire which had swept Hamburg in May of the year 1842. &#8220;Yes, indeed,&#8221; said Herr Gr&#252;nlich, &#8220;truly a fearful misfortune. A distressing visitation. The loss amounted to one hundred and thirty-five millions, at a rough estimate. I am grateful to Providence that I came off without any loss whatever. The fire raged chiefly in the parishes of St. Peter and St. Nicholas.&#8212;What a charming garden!&#8221; he interrupted himself, taking the cigar which the Consul offered. &#8220;It is so large for a town garden, and the beds of colour are magnificent. I confess my weakness for flowers, and for nature in general. Those climbing roses over there trim up the garden uncommonly well.&#8221; He went on, praising the refinement of the location, praising the town itself, praising the Consul's cigar. He had a pleasant word for each member of the circle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;May I venture to inquire what you are reading, Fr&#228;ulein Antonie?&#8221; he said smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony drew her brows together sharply at this, for some reason, and answered without looking at him, &#8220;Hoffmann's &#8216;Serapion Brethren.'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Really! He is a wonderful writer, is he not? Ah, pardon me&#8212;I forget the name of your younger son, Frau Consul?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Christian.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A beautiful name. If I may so express myself&#8221;&#8212;here he turned again to the Consul&#8212;&#8220;I like best the names which show that the bearer is a Christian. The name of Johann, I know, is hereditary in your family&#8212;a name which always recalls the beloved disciple. My own name&#8212;if I may be permitted to mention it,&#8221; he continued, waxing eloquent, &#8220;is that of most of my forefathers&#8212;Bendix. It can only be regarded as a shortened form of Benedict. And you, Herr Buddenbrook, are reading&#8212;? ah, Cicero. The works of this great Roman orator make pretty difficult reading, eh? &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Quousque tandem&#8212;Catalina&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb11&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Quousque tandem&#8212;Catalina &#8211; how long, Catalina&#034; id=&#034;nh11&#034;&gt;11&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;' ... ahem. Oh, I have not forgotten quite all my Latin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I disagree with my late Father on this point,&#8221; the Consul said. &#8220;I have always objected to the perpetual occupation of young heads with Greek and Latin. When there are so many other important subjects, necessary as a preparation for the practical affairs of life&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You take the words out of my mouth,&#8221; Herr Gr&#252;nlich hastened to say. &#8220;It is hard reading, and not by any means always unexceptionable&#8212;I forgot to mention that point. Everything else aside, I can recall passages that were positively offensive&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There came a pause, and Tony thought &#8220;Now it's my turn.&#8221; Herr Gr&#252;nlich had turned his gaze upon her. And, sure enough: he suddenly started in his chair, made a spasmodic but always highly elegant gesture toward the Frau Consul, and whispered ardently, &#8220;Pray look, Frau Consul, I beg of you.&#8212;Fr&#228;ulein, I implore you,&#8221; he interrupted himself aloud, just as if Tony could not hear the rest of what he said, &#8220;to keep in that same position for just a moment. Do you see,&#8221; he began whispering again, &#8220;how the sunshine is playing in your daughter's hair? Never,&#8221; he said solemnly, as if transported, speaking to nobody in particular, &#8220;have I seen more beautiful hair.&#8221; It was as if he were addressing his remarks to God or to his own soul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul's wife smiled, well pleased. The Consul said, &#8220;Don't be putting notions into the girl's head.&#8221; And again Tony drew her brows together without speaking. After a short pause, Herr Gr&#252;nlich got up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I won't disturb you any longer now&#8212;no, Frau Consul, I refuse to disturb you any longer,&#8221; he repeated. &#8220;I only came on business, but I could not resist&#8212;indeed, who could resist you? Now duty calls. May I ask the Consul&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I hope I do not need to assure you that it would give us pleasure if you would let us put you up while you are here,&#8221; said the Frau Consul. Herr Gr&#252;nlich appeared for the moment struck dumb with gratitude. &#8220;From my soul I am grateful, Frau Consul,&#8221; he said, and his look was indeed eloquent with emotion. &#8220;But I must not abuse your kindness. I have a couple of rooms at the City of Hamburg&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A &lt;i&gt;couple&lt;/i&gt; of rooms,&#8221; thought the Frau Consul&#8212;which was just what Herr Gr&#252;nlich meant her to think.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And, in any case,&#8221; he said, as she offered her hand cordially, &#8220;I hope we have not seen each other for the last time.&#8221; He kissed her hand, waited a moment for Antonie to extend hers&#8212;which she did not do&#8212;described another half-circle with his upper torso, made a long step backward and another bow, threw back his head and put his hat on with a flourish, then walked away in company with the Consul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A pleasant man,&#8221; the Father said later, when he came back and took his place again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think he's silly,&#8221; Tony permitted herself to remark with some emphasis.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tony! Heavens and earth, what an idea!&#8221; said the Consul's wife, displeased. &#8220;Such a Christian young man!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So well brought up, and so cosmopolitan,&#8221; went on the Consul. &#8220;You don't know what you are talking about.&#8221; He and his wife had a way of taking each other's side like this, out of sheer politeness. It made them the more likely to agree.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian wrinkled up his long nose and said, &#8220;He was so important. &#8216;You are conversing'&#8212;when we weren't at all. And the roses over there &#8216;trim things up uncommonly.' He acted some of the time as if he were talking to himself. &#8216;I am disturbing you'&#8212;&#8216;I beg pardon'&#8212;&#8216;I have never seen more beautiful hair.'&#8221; Christian mocked Herr Gr&#252;nlich so cleverly that they all had to laugh, even the Consul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he gave himself too many airs,&#8221; Tony went on. &#8220;He talked the whole time about himself&#8212;&lt;i&gt;his&lt;/i&gt; business is good, and &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt; is fond of nature, and &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt; likes such-and-such names, and &lt;i&gt;his&lt;/i&gt; name is Bendix&#8212;what is all that to us, I'd like to know? Everything he said was just to spread himself.&#8221; Her voice was growing louder all the time with vexation. &#8220;He said all the very things you like to hear, Mamma and Papa, and he said them just to make a fine impression on you both.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is no reproach, Tony,&#8221; the Consul said sternly. &#8220;Everybody puts his best foot foremost before strangers. We all take care to say what will be pleasant to hear. That is a commonplace.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think he is a good man,&#8221; Clothilde pronounced with drawling serenity&#8212;she was the only person in the circle about whom Herr Gr&#252;nlich had not troubled himself at all. Thomas refrained from giving an opinion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Enough,&#8221; concluded the Consul. &#8220;He is a capable, cultured, and energetic Christian man, and you, Tony, should try to bridle your tongue&#8212;a great girl of eighteen or nineteen years old, like you! And after he was so polite and gallant to you, too. We are all weak creatures; and you, let me say, are one of the last to have a right to throw stones. Tom, we'll get to work.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pert little Tony muttered to herself &#8220;A golden goat's beard!&#8221; and scowled as before.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Tony, coming back from a walk some days later, met Herr Gr&#252;nlich at the corner of Meng Street. &#8220;I was most grieved to have missed you, Fr&#228;ulein,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I took the liberty of paying my respects to your Mother the other day, and I regretted your absence more than I can say. How delightful that I should meet you like this!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fr&#228;ulein Buddenbrook had paused as he began to speak; but her half-shut eyes looked no further up than the height of Herr Gr&#252;nlich's chest. On her lips rested the mocking, merciless smile with which a young girl measures and rejects a man. Her lips moved&#8212;what should she say? It must be something that would demolish this Herr Bendix Gr&#252;nlich once and for all&#8212;simply annihilate him. It must be clever, witty, and effective, must at one and the same time wound him to the quick and impress him tremendously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The pleasure is not mutual, Herr Gr&#252;nlich,&#8221; said she, keeping her gaze meanwhile levelled at his chest. And after she had shot this poisoned arrow, she left him standing there and went home, her head in the air, her face red with pride in her own powers of repartee&#8212;to learn that Herr Gr&#252;nlich had been invited to dinner next Sunday.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he came. He came in a not quite new-fashioned, rather wrinkled, but still handsome bell-shaped frock-coat which gave him a solid, respectable look. He was rosy and smiling, his scant hair carefully parted, his whiskers curled and scented. He ate a ragout of shell-fish, julienne soup, fried soles, roast veal with creamed potatoes and cauliflower, maraschino pudding, and pumpernickel with roquefort; and he found a fresh and delicate compliment for each fresh course. Over the sweet he lifted his dessert-spoon, gazed at one of the tapestry statues, and spoke aloud to himself, thus: &#8220;God forgive me, I have eaten far too well already. But this pudding&#8212;! It is &lt;i&gt;too&lt;/i&gt; wonderful! I must beg my good hostess for another slice.&#8221; And he looked roguishly at the Consul's wife. With the Consul he talked business and politics, and spoke soundly and weightily. He discussed the theatre and the fashions with the Frau Consul, and he had a good word for Tom and Christian and Clothilde, and even for little Clara and Ida Jungmann. Tony sat in silence, and he did not undertake to engage her; only gazing at her now and then, with his head a little tilted, his face looking dejected and encouraged by turns.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Herr Gr&#252;nlich took his leave that evening, he had only strengthened the impressions left by his first visit. &#8220;A thoroughly well-bred man,&#8221; said the Frau Consul. &#8220;An estimable Christian gentleman&#8221; was the Consul's opinion. Christian imitated his speech and actions even better than before; and Tony said her good nights to them all with a frowning brow, for something told her that she had not yet seen the last of this gentleman who had won the hearts of her parents with such astonishing ease and rapidity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And, sure enough, coming back one afternoon from a visit with some girl friends, she found Herr Gr&#252;nlich cosily established in the landscape-room, reading aloud to the Frau Consul out of Sir Walter Scott's &#8220;Waverly.&#8221; His pronunciation was perfect, for, as he explained, his business trips had taken him to England. Tony sat down apart with another book, and Herr Gr&#252;nlich softly questioned: &#8220;Our book is not to your taste, Fr&#228;ulein?&#8221; To which she replied, with her head in the air, something in a sarcastic vein, like &#8220;Not in the very least.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But he was not taken aback. He began to talk about his long-dead parents and communicated the fact that his father had been a clergyman, a Christian, and at the same time a highly cosmopolitan gentleman.&#8212;After this visit, he departed for Hamburg. Tony was not there when he called to take leave. &#8220;Ida,&#8221; she said to Mamsell Jungmann, &#8220;Ida, the man has gone.&#8221; But Mamsell Jungmann only replied, &#8220;You'll see, child.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And eight days later, in fact, came that scene in the breakfast room. Tony came down at nine o'clock and found her father and mother still at table. She let her forehead be kissed and sat down, fresh and hungry, her eyes still red with sleep, and helped herself to sugar, butter, and herb cheese.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How nice to find you still here, for once, Papa,&#8221; she said as she held her egg in her napkin and opened it with her spoon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But to-day I have been waiting for our slug-a-bed,&#8221; said the Consul. He was smoking and tapping on the table with his folded newspaper. His wife finished her breakfast with her slow, graceful motions, and leaned back in the sofa.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tilda is already busy in the kitchen,&#8221; went on the Consul, &#8220;and I should have been long since at work myself, if your Mother and I had not been speaking seriously about a matter that concerns our little daughter.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony, her mouth full of bread and butter, looked first at her father and then her mother, with a mixture of fear and curiosity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Eat your breakfast, my child,&#8221; said the Frau Consul. But Tony laid down her knife and cried, &#8220;Out with it quickly, Papa&#8212;please.&#8221; Her father only answered: &#8220;Eat your breakfast first.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So Tony drank her coffee and ate her egg and bread and cheese silently, her appetite quite gone. She began to guess. The fresh morning bloom disappeared from her cheek, and she even grew a little pale. She said &#8220;Thank you&#8221; for the honey, and soon after announced in a subdued voice that she had finished.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear child,&#8221; said the Consul, &#8220;the matter we desire to talk over with you is contained in this letter.&#8221; He was tapping the table now with a big blue envelope instead of the newspaper. &#8220;To be brief: Bendix Gr&#252;nlich, whom we have learned, during his short stay here, to regard as a good and a charming man, writes to me that he has conceived a strong inclination for our daughter, and he here makes a request in form for her hand. What does my child say?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony was leaning back in her seat, her head bent, her right hand slowly twirling the silver napkin-ring round and round. But suddenly she looked up, and her eyes had grown quite dark with tears. She said, her voice full of distress: &#8220;What does this man want of me? What have I done to him?&#8221; And she burst into weeping.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul shot a glance at his wife and then regarded his empty cup, embarrassed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tony dear,&#8221; said the Frau Consul gently, &#8220;why this&#8212;&#233;chauffement? You know quite well your parents can only desire your good. And they cannot counsel you to reject forthwith the position offered you. I know you feel so far no particular inclination for Herr Gr&#252;nlich, but that will come; I assure you it comes, with time. Such a young thing as you is never sure what she wants. The mind is as confused as the heart. One must just give the heart time&#8212;and keep the mind open to the advice of experienced people who think and plan only for our good.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know him the least little bit,&#8221; Tony said in a dejected tone, wiping her eyes on the little white batiste serviette, stained with egg. &#8220;All I know is, he has a yellow beard, like a goat's, and a flourishing business&#8212;&#8221; Her upper lip, trembling on the verge of tears, had an expression that was indescribably touching.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With a movement of sudden tenderness the Consul jerked his chair nearer hers and stroked her hair, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My little Tony, what should you like to know of him? You are still a very young girl, you know. You would know him no better if he had been here for fifty-two weeks instead of four. You are a child, with no eyes yet for the world, and you must trust other people who mean well by you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't understand&#8212;I don't understand,&#8221; Tony sobbed helplessly, and put down her head as a kitten does beneath the hand that strokes it. &#8220;He comes here and says something pleasant to everybody, and then goes away again; and then he writes to you that he&#8212;that I&#8212;I don't understand. What made him? What have I done to him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul smiled again. &#8220;You said that once before, Tony; and it illustrates so well your childish way of reasoning. My little daughter must not feel that people mean to urge or torment her. We can consider it all very quietly; in fact, we must consider it all very quietly and calmly, for it is a very serious matter. Meanwhile I will write an answer to Herr Gr&#252;nlich's letter, without either consenting or refusing. There is much to be thought of.&#8212;Well, is that agreed? What do you say?&#8212;And now Papa can go back to his work, can't he?&#8212;Adieu, Betsy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Au revoir, dear Jean.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do take a little more honey, Tony,&#8221; said the Frau Consul to her daughter, who sat in her place motionless, with her head bent. &#8220;One must eat.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony's tears gradually dried. Her head felt hot and heavy with her thoughts. Good gracious, what a business! She had always known, of course, that she should one day marry, and be the wife of a business man, and embark upon a solid and advantageous married life, commensurate with the position of the family and the firm. But suddenly, for the first time in her life, somebody, some actual person, in serious earnest, wanted to marry her. How did people act? To her, her, Tony Buddenbrook, were now applicable all those tremendous words and phrases which she had hitherto met with only in books: her &#8220;hand,&#8221; her &#8220;consent,&#8221; &#8220;as long as life shall last!&#8221; Goodness gracious, what a step to take, all at once!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you, Mamma? Do you too advise me to&#8212;to&#8212;to yield my consent?&#8221; She hesitated a little before the &#8220;yield my consent.&#8221; It sounded high-flown and awkward. But then, this was the first occasion in her life that was worthy of fine language. She began to blush for her earlier lack of self-control. It seemed to her now not less unreasonable than it had ten minutes ago that she should marry Herr Gr&#252;nlich; but the dignity of her situation began to fill her with a sense of importance which was satisfying indeed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;I&lt;/i&gt; advise you to accept, my child? Has Papa advised you to do so? He has only not advised you not to, that is all. It would be very irresponsible of either of us to do that. The connection offered you is a very good one, my dear Tony. You would go to Hamburg on an excellent footing and live there in great style.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony sat motionless. She was having a sort of vision of silk porti&#232;res, like those in grandfather's salon. And, as Madame Gr&#252;nlich, should she drink morning chocolate? She thought it would not be seemly to ask.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As your Father says, you have time to consider,&#8221; the Frau Consul continued. &#8220;But we are obliged to tell you that such an offer does not come every day, that it would make your fortune, and that it is exactly the marriage which duty and vocation prescribe. This, my child, it is my business to tell you. You know yourself that the path which opens before you to-day is the prescribed one which your life ought to follow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; Tony said thoughtfully. She was well aware of her responsibilities toward the family and the firm, and she was proud of them. She was saturated with her family history&#8212;she, Tony Buddenbrook, who, as the daughter of Consul Buddenbrook, went about the town like a little queen, before whom Matthiesen the porter took off his hat and made a low bow! The Rostock tailor had been very well off, to begin with; but since his time, the family fortunes had advanced by leaps and bounds. It was her vocation to enhance the brilliance of family and firm in her allotted way, by making a rich and aristocratic marriage. To the same end, Tom worked in the office. Yes, the marriage was undoubtedly precisely the right one. But&#8212;but&#8212; She saw him before her, saw his gold-yellow whiskers, his rosy, smiling face, the wart on his nose, his mincing walk. She could feel his woolly suit, hear his soft voice....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I felt sure,&#8221; the Consul's wife said, &#8220;that we were accessible to quiet reason. Have we perhaps already made up our mind?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, goodness, &lt;i&gt;no&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; cried Tony, suddenly. She uttered the &#8220;Oh&#8221; with an outburst of irritation. &#8220;What nonsense! Why should I marry him? I have always made fun of him. I never did anything else. I can't understand how he can possibly endure me. The man must have some sort of pride in his bones!&#8221; She began to drip honey upon a slice of bread.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This year the Buddenbrooks took no holiday during Christian's and Clara's vacation. The Consul said he was too busy; but it was Tony's unsettled affair as well, that kept them lingering in Mengstrasse. A very diplomatic letter, written by the Consul himself, had been dispatched to Herr Gr&#252;nlich; but the progress of the wooing was hindered by Tony's obstinacy. She expressed herself in the most childish way. &#8220;Heaven forbid, Mamma,&#8221; she would say. &#8220;I simply can't en&lt;i&gt;dure&lt;/i&gt; him!&#8221; with tremendous emphasis on the second syllable. Or she would explain solemnly, &#8220;Father&#8221; (Tony never otherwise said anything but &#8220;Papa&#8221;), &#8220;I can never yield him my consent.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And at this point the matter would assuredly have stuck, had it not been for events that occurred some ten days after the talk in the breakfast-room&#8212;in other words, about the middle of July.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was afternoon&#8212;a hot blue afternoon. The Frau Consul was out, and Tony sat with a book alone at the window of the landscape-room, when Anton brought her a card. Before she had time to read the name, a young man in a bell-skirted coat and pea-green pantaloons entered the room. It was, of course, Herr Gr&#252;nlich, with an expression of imploring tenderness upon his face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony started up indignantly and made a movement to flee into the next room. How could one possibly talk to a man who had proposed for one's hand? Her heart was in her throat and she had gone very pale. While he had been at a safe distance she had hugely enjoyed the solemn conferences with her Father and Mother and the suddenly enhanced importance of her own person and destiny. But now, here he was&#8212;he stood before her. What was going to happen? And again she felt that she was going to weep.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At a rapid stride, his head tipped on one side, his arms outstretched, with the air of a man who says: &#8220;Here I am, kill me if you will!&#8221; he approached. &#8220;What a providence!&#8221; he cried. &#8220;I find you here, Antonie&#8212;&#8221; (He said &#8220;Antonie&#8221;!)&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony stood erect, her novel in her right hand. She stuck out her lips and gave her head a series of little jerks upward, relieving her irritation by stressing, in that manner, each word as she spoke it. She got out &#8220;What is the matter with you?&#8221;&#8212;But the tears were already rising. And Herr Gr&#252;nlich's own excitement was too great for him to realize the check.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How could I wait longer? Was I not driven to return?&#8221; he said in impassioned tones. &#8220;A week ago I had your Father's letter, which filled me with hope. I could bear it no longer. Could I thus linger on in half-certainty? I threw myself into a carriage, I hastened hither, I have taken a couple of rooms at the City of Hamburg&#8212;and here I am, Antonie, to hear from your lips the final word which will make me happier than I can express.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony was stunned. Her tears retreated abashed. This, then, was the effect of her Father's careful letter, which had indefinitely postponed the decision. Two or three times she stammered: &#8220;You are mistaken&#8212;you are mistaken.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich had drawn an arm-chair close to her seat in the window. He sat down, he obliged her to sit as well, and, bowing over her hand, which, limp with indecision, she resigned to him, he went on in a trembling voice: &#8220;Fr&#228;ulein Antonie, since first I saw you, that afternoon,&#8212;do you remember that afternoon, when I saw you, a vision of loveliness, in your own family circle?&#8212;Since then, your name has been indelibly written on my heart.&#8221; He went back, corrected himself, and said &#8220;graven&#8221;: &#8220;Since that day, Fr&#228;ulein Antonie, it has been my only, my most ardent wish, to win your beautiful hand. What your Father's letter permitted me only to hope, that I implore you to confirm to me now in all certainty. I may feel sure of your consent&#8212;I may be assured of it?&#8221; He took her other hand in his and looked deep into her wide-open, frightened eyes. He had left off his worsted gloves to-day, and his hands were long and white, marked with blue veins. Tony stared at his pink face, at his wart, at his eyes, which were as blue as a goose's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, no,&#8221; she broke out, rapidly, in terror. And then she added, &#8220;No, I will never yield my consent.&#8221; She took great pains to speak firmly, but she was already in tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How have I deserved this doubt and hesitation?&#8221; he asked in a lower, well-nigh reproachful tone. &#8220;I know you are a maiden cherished and sheltered by the most loving care. But I swear to you, I pledge you my word of honour as a man, that I would carry you in my arms, that as my wife you would lack nothing, that you would live in Hamburg a life altogether worthy of you&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony sprang up. She freed her hand and, with the tears rolling down her cheeks, cried out in desperation, &#8220;No, no! I said &lt;i&gt;no&lt;/i&gt;! I am refusing you&#8212;for heaven's sake, can't you understand?&#8221; Then Herr Gr&#252;nlich rose up too. He took one backward step and stretched out his arms toward her, palms up. Seriously, like a man of honour and resolution, he spoke.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mademoiselle Buddenbrook, you understand that I cannot permit myself to be insulted?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I am not insulting you, Herr Gr&#252;nlich,&#8221; said Tony, repenting her brusqueness. Oh, dear, oh dear, &lt;i&gt;why&lt;/i&gt; did all this have to happen to her? Such a wooing as this she had never imagined. She had supposed that one only had to say: &#8220;Your offer does me great honour, but I cannot accept it,&#8221; and that would be an end of the matter. &#8220;Your offer does me great honour,&#8221; she said, as calmly as she could, &#8220;but I cannot accept it. And now I must go; please excuse me&#8212;I am busy&#8212;&#8221; But Herr Gr&#252;nlich stood in front of her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You reject me?&#8221; he said gloomily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; Tony said; adding with tact, &#8220;unfortunately.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich gave a gusty sigh. He took two big steps backward, bent his torso to one side, pointed with his forefinger to the carpet and said in an awful voice: &#8220;Antonie!&#8221; Thus for the space of a moment they stood, he in a posture of commanding rage, Tony pale, weepy, and trembling, her damp handkerchief to her mouth. Then he turned from her and, with his hands on his back, measured the room twice through, as if he were at home. He paused at the window and looked out into the early dusk. Tony moved cautiously toward the glass doors, but she got only as far as the middle of the room when he stood beside her again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tony!&#8221; he murmured, and gently took her hand. Then he sank, yes, he sank slowly upon his knees beside her! His two gold whiskers lay across her hand!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tony!&#8221; he repeated. &#8220;You behold me here&#8212;you see to what you have brought me. Have you a heart to feel what I endure? Listen. You behold a man condemned to death, devoted to destruction, a man who&#8212;who will certainly die of grief,&#8221; he interrupted himself, &#8220;if you scorn his love. Here I lie. Can you find it in your heart to say: &#8216;I despise you'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no,&#8221; Tony said quickly in a consoling tone. Her tears were conquered, pity stirred. Heavens, how he must adore her, to go on like that, while she herself felt completely indifferent! Was it to her, Tony Buddenbrook, that all this was happening? One read of it in the novels. But here in real life was a man in a frock-coat, on his knees in front of her, weeping, imploring. The idea of marrying him was simply idiotic, because she had found him silly; but just at this moment he did not seem silly; heavens, no! Honourable, upright, desperate entreaty were in his voice and face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no,&#8221; she repeated, bending over him quite touched. &#8220;I don't despise you, Herr Gr&#252;nlich. How can you say such a thing? Do get up&#8212;please do!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then you will not kill me?&#8221; he asked again; and she answered, in a consoling, almost motherly tone, &#8220;No, no.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is a promise!&#8221; he cried, springing to his feet. But when he saw Tony's frightened face he got down again and went on in a wheedling tone: &#8220;Good, good, say no more, Antonie. Enough, for this time. We shall speak of this again. No more now&#8212;farewell. I will return&#8212;farewell!&#8221; He had got quickly to his feet. He took his broad grey hat from the table, kissed her hand, and was out through the glass doors in a twinkling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony saw him take his stick from the hall and disappear down the corridor. She stood, bewildered and worn out, in the middle of the room, with the damp handkerchief in one of her limp hands.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Consul Buddenbrook said to his wife: &#8220;If I thought Tony had a motive in refusing this match&#8212; But she is a child, Betsy. She enjoys going to balls and being courted by the young fellows; she is quite aware that she is pretty and from a good family. Of course, it is possible that she is consciously or unconsciously seeking a mate herself&#8212;but I know the child, and I feel sure she has never yet found her heart, as the saying goes. If you asked her, she would turn this way and that way, and consider&#8212;but she would find nobody. She is a child, a little bird, a hoyden. Directly she once says yes, she will find her place. She will have &lt;i&gt;carte blanche&lt;/i&gt; to set herself up, and she will love her husband, after a few days. He is no beau, God knows. But he is perfectly presentable. One mustn't ask for five legs on a sheep, as we say in business. If she waits for somebody to come along who is an Adonis and a good match to boot&#8212;well, God bless us, Tony Buddenbrook could always find a husband, but it's a risk, after all. Every day is fishing-day, but not every day catching-day, to use another homely phrase&#8212;. Yesterday I had a long talk with Gr&#252;nlich. He is a most constant wooer. He showed me all his books. They are good enough to frame. I told him I was completely satisfied. The business is young, but in fine condition&#8212;assets must be somewhere about a hundred and twenty thousand thaler, and that is obviously only the situation at the moment, for he makes a good slice every year. I asked the Duchamps. What they said doesn't sound at all bad. They don't know his connections, but he lives like a gentleman, mingles in society, and his business is known to be expanding. And some other people in Hamburg have told me things&#8212;a banker named Kesselmeyer, for instance&#8212;that I feel pleased with. In short, as you know, Betsy, I can only wish for the consummation of this match, which would be highly advantageous for the family and the firm. I am heartily sorry the child feels so pressed. She hardly speaks at all, and acts as if she were in a state of siege. But I can't bring myself to refuse him out and out. You know, Betsy, there is another thing I can't emphasize often enough: in these last years we haven't been doing any too brilliantly. Not that there's anything to complain of. Oh, no. Faithful work always finds its reward. Business goes quietly on&#8212;but a bit too quietly for me. And it only does that because I am eternally vigilant. We haven't perceptibly advanced since Father was taken away. The times aren't good for merchants. No, our prospects are not too bright. Our daughter is in a position to make a marriage that would undoubtedly be honourable and advantageous; she is of an age to marry, and she ought to do it. Delay isn't advisable&#8212;it isn't advisable, Betsy. Speak to her again. I said all I could, this afternoon.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony was besieged, as the Consul said. She no longer said no&#8212;but she could not bring herself to say yes. She could not wring a &#8220;yes&#8221; out of herself&#8212;God knew why; she did not.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Meanwhile, first her Father would draw her aside and speak seriously, and then her Mother would take up the tale, both pressing for a decision. Uncle Gotthold and family were not brought into the affair; their attitude toward the Mengstrasse was not exactly sympathetic. But Sesemi Weichbrodt got wind of it and came to give good advice, with correct enunciation. Even Mademoiselle Jungmann said, &#8220;Tony, my little one, why should you worry? You will always be in the best society.&#8221; And Tony could not pay a visit to the admired silken salon outside the Castle Gate without getting a dose from old Madame Kr&#246;ger: &#8220;&#192; propos, little one, I hear there is an affair! I hope you are going to listen to reason, child.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
One Sunday, as she sat in St. Mary's with her parents and brothers, Pastor K&#246;lling began preaching from the text about the wife leaving father and mother and cleaving only to her husband. His language was so violent that she began listening with a jump, staring up to see if he were looking at her. No, thank goodness, his head was turned in the other direction, and he seemed to be preaching in general to all the faithful. Still, it was plain that this was a new attack upon her,&#8212;every word struck home. A young, a still childish girl, he said, could have as yet no will and no wisdom; and if she set herself up against the loving advice of her parents she was as deserving of punishment as the guilty are; she was one of those whom the Lord spews out of his mouth. With this phrase, which the kind Pastor K&#246;lling adored, she encountered a piercing glance from his eyes, as he made a threatening gesture with his right arm. Tony saw how her Father, sitting next to her, raised his hand, as though he would say, &#8220;Not so hard.&#8221; But it was perfectly plain that either he or her Mother had let the Pastor into the secret. Tony crouched in her place with her face like fire, and felt the eyes of all the world upon her. Next Sunday she flatly refused to go to church.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She moved dumbly about the house, she laughed no more, she lost her appetite. Sometimes she gave such heart-breaking sighs as would move a stone to pity. She was growing thinner too, and would soon lose her freshness. It would not do. At length the Consul said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This cannot go on, Betsy. We must not ill-use the child. She must get away a bit, to rest and be able to think quietly. You'll see she will listen to reason then. I can't leave, and the holidays are almost over. But there is no need for us to go. Yesterday old Schwarzkopf from Travem&#252;nde was here, and I spoke to him. He said he would be glad to take the child for a while. I'd give them something for it. She would have a good home, where she could bathe and be in the fresh air and get clear in her mind. Tom can take her&#8212;so it's all arranged. Better to-morrow than day after.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony was much pleased with this idea. True, she hardly ever saw Herr Gr&#252;nlich, but she knew he was in town, in touch with her parents. Any day he might appear before her and begin shrieking and importuning. She would feel safer at Travem&#252;nde, in a strange house. So she packed her trunk with alacrity, and on one of the last days in July she mounted with Tom into the majestic Kr&#246;ger equipage. She said good-bye in the best of spirits; and breathed more freely as they drove out of the Castle Gate.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The road to Travem&#252;nde first crosses the ferry and then goes straight ahead. The grey high-road glided away under the hoofs of Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger's fat brown Mecklenburgs. The sound of their trotting was hollow and rhythmical, the sun burned hot, and dust concealed the meagre view. The family had eaten at one o'clock, an hour earlier than usual, and the brother and sister set out punctually at two. They would arrive shortly after four; for what a hired carriage could do in three hours, the Kr&#246;ger pair were mettlesome enough to make in two.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony sat half asleep, nodding under her broad straw hat and her lace-trimmed parasol, which she held tipped back against the hood of the chaise. The parasol was twine-grey, with cream-coloured lace, and matched her neat, simply cut frock. She reclined in the luxurious ease proper to the equipage, with her feet, in their white stockings and strap shoes, daintily crossed before her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tom was already twenty years old. He wore an extremely well-cut blue suit, and sat smoking Russian cigarettes, with his hat on the back of his head. He was not very tall; but already he boasted a considerable moustache, darker in tone than his brows and eyelashes. He had one eyebrow lifted a trifle&#8212;a habit with him&#8212;and sat looking at the dust and the trees that fled away behind them as the carriage rolled on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony said: &#8220;I was never so glad to come to Travem&#252;nde before&#8212;for various reasons. You needn't laugh, Tom. I wish I could leave a certain pair of yellow mutton-chops even further behind! And then, it will be an entirely different Travem&#252;nde at the Schwarzkopfs', on the sea front. I shan't be bothered with the Kurhouse society, I can tell you that much. I am not in the mood for it. Besides, that&#8212;that man could come there too as well as not. He has nerve enough&#8212;it wouldn't trouble him at all. Some day he'd be bobbing up in front of me and putting on all his airs and graces.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tom threw away the stub of his cigarette and took a fresh one out of the box, a pretty little affair with an inlaid picture inside the lid, of an overturned troika being set upon by wolves. It was a present from a Russian customer of the Consul. The cigarettes, those biting little trifles with the yellow mouthpiece, were Tom's passion. He smoked quantities of them, and had the bad habit of inhaling the smoke, breathing it slowly out again as he talked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; he said. &#8220;As far as that goes, the garden of the Kurhouse is alive with Hamburgers. Consul Fritsche, who has bought it, is a Hamburger himself. He must be doing a wonderful business now, Papa says. But you'll miss something if you don't take part in it a bit. Peter D&#246;hlmann is there&#8212;he never stops in town this time of year. His business goes on at a jog-trot, all by itself, I suppose. Funny! Well&#8212;and Uncle Justus comes out for a little on a Sunday, of course, to visit the roulette table. Then there are the M&#246;llendorpfs and the Kistenmakers, I suppose, in full strength, and the Hagenstr&#246;ms&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;H'm. Yes, of course. They couldn't get on without Sarah Semlinger!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Her name is Laura, my child. Let us be accurate.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And Julchen with her, of course. Julchen ought to get engaged to August M&#246;llendorpf this summer&#8212;and she will do it, too. After all, they belong together. Disgusting, isn't it, Tom? This adventurer's family&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but good heavens, they are the firm of Strunck and Hagenstr&#246;m. That is the point.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Naturally, they make the firm. Of course. And everybody knows &lt;i&gt;how&lt;/i&gt; they do it. With their &lt;i&gt;elbows&lt;/i&gt;. Pushing and shoving&#8212;entirely without courtesy or elegance. Grandfather said that Heinrich Hagenstr&#246;m could coin money out of paving-stones. Those were his very words.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, that is exactly it. It is money talks. And this match is perfectly good business. Julchen will be a M&#246;llendorpf, and August will get a snug position&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, you just want to make me angry, Tom, that's all. You know how I despise that lot.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tom began to laugh. &#8220;Goodness, one has to get along with them,&#8221; he replied. &#8220;As Papa said the other day, they are the coming people; while the M&#246;llendorpfs, for example&#8212; And one can't deny that the Hagenstr&#246;ms are clever. Hermann is already useful in the business, and Moritz is very able. He finished school brilliantly, in spite of his weak chest; and he is going to study law.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's all very well, Tom, but all the same I am glad there are families that don't have to knuckle down to them. For instance, we Buddenbrooks&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh,&#8221; Tom said, &#8220;don't let's begin to boast. Every family has its own skeleton,&#8221; he went on in a lower voice, with a glance at Jock's broad back. &#8220;For instance, God knows what state Uncle Julius' affairs are in. Papa shakes his head when he speaks of him, and Grandfather Kr&#246;ger has had to come forward once or twice with large sums, I hear. The cousins aren't just the thing, either. J&#252;rgen wants to study, but he still hasn't come up for his finals; and they are not very well satisfied with Jacob, at Dalbeck and Company. He is always in debt, even with a good allowance, and when Uncle Justus refuses to send any more, Aunt Rosalie does&#8212; No, I find it doesn't do to throw stones. If you want to balance the scale with the Hagenstr&#246;ms, you'd better marry Gr&#252;nlich.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did we get into this wagon to discuss that subject?&#8212;Oh, yes, I suppose you're right. I ought to marry him&#8212;but I won't think about it now! I want to forget it. We are going to the Schwarzkopfs'. I've never seen them to know them: are they nice people?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, old Diederich Schwarzkopf&#8212;he's not such a bad old chap. Doesn't speak such atrocious dialect, unless he's had more than five glasses of grog. Once he was at the office, and we went together to the Ships' Company. He drank like a tank. His father was born on a Norwegian freighter and grew up to be captain on the very same line. Diederich has had a good education; the pilot command is a responsible office, and pretty well paid. Diederich is an old bear&#8212;but very gallant with the ladies. Look out: he'll flirt with you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah&#8212;well, and his wife?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know her, myself. She must be nice, I should think. There is a son, too. He was in first or second, in my time at school, and is a student now, I expect. Look, there's the sea. We shall be there inside a quarter of an hour.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They drove for a while along the shore on an avenue bordered with young beech-trees. There was the water, blue and peaceful in the sunshine; the round yellow light-house tower came into view, then the bay and the breakwater, the red roofs of the little town, the harbour with its sails, tackle, and shipping. They drove between the first houses, passed the church, and rolled along the front close to the water and up to a pretty little house, the verandah of which was overhung with vines.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pilot-Captain Schwarzkopf stood before his door and took off his seaman's cap as the cal&#232;che drove up. He was a broad, stocky man with a red face, sea-blue eyes, and a bristling grizzled beard that ran fan-shaped from one ear to the other. His mouth turned down at the corners, in one of which he held a wooden pipe. His smooth-shaven, red upper lip was hard and prominent; he looked thoroughly solid and respectable, with big bones and well-rounded paunch; and he wore a coat decorated with gold braid, underneath which a white piqu&#233; waistcoat was visible.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Servant, Mademoiselle,&#8221; he said, as he carefully lifted Tony from the cal&#232;che. &#8220;We know it's an honour you do us, coming to stop with us like this. Servant, Herr Buddenbrook. Papa well? And the honoured Frau Consul? Come in, come in! My wife has some sort of a bite ready, I suppose. Drive over to Peddersen's Inn,&#8221; he said in his broadest dialect to the coachman, who was carrying in the trunk. &#8220;You'll find they take good care of the horses there.&#8221; Then, turning to Thomas, &#8220;you'll stop the night with us, Herr Buddenbrook? Oh, yes, you must. The horses want a bait and a rest, and you wouldn't get home until after dark.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Upon my word, one lives at least as well here as at the Kurhouse,&#8221; Tony said a quarter of an hour later, as they sat around the coffee-table in the verandah. &#8220;What wonderful air! You can smell the sea-weed from here. How frightfully glad I am to be in Travem&#252;nde again!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Between the vine-clad columns of the verandah one could look out on the broad river-mouths, glittering in the sun; there were the piers and the boats, and the ferry-house on the &#8220;Prival&#8221; opposite, the projecting peninsula of Mecklenburg.&#8212; The clumsy, blue-bordered cups on the table were almost like basins. How different from the delicate old porcelain at home! But there was a bunch of flowers at Tony's place, the food looked inviting, and the drive had whetted her appetite.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Mademoiselle will see, she will pick up here fast enough,&#8221; the housewife said. &#8220;She looks a little poorly, if I might say so. That is the town air, and the parties.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Schwarzkopf was the daughter of a Schlutup pastor. She was a head shorter than Tony, rather thin, and looked to be about fifty. Her hair was still black, and neatly dressed in a large-meshed net. She wore a dark brown dress with white crocheted collar and cuffs. She was spotless, gentle, and hospitable, urging upon her guests the currant bread that lay in a boat-shaped basket surrounded by cream, butter, sugar, and honeycomb. This basket had a border of bead-work embroidery, done by little Meta, the eight-year-old daughter, who now sat next her mother, dressed in a plaid frock, her flaxen hair in a thick pigtail.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Schwarzkopf made excuses for Tony's room, whither she had already been to make herself tidy after the journey. It was so very simple&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, all the better,&#8221; Tony said. It had a view of the ocean, which was the main thing. And she dipped her fourth piece of currant bread into her coffee. Tom talked with the pilot-captain about the &lt;i&gt;Wullenwewer,&lt;/i&gt; now undergoing repairs in the town.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There came suddenly into the verandah a young man of some twenty years. He took off his grey felt hat, blushed, and bowed rather awkwardly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, my son,&#8221; said Herr Schwarzkopf, &#8220;you are late.&#8221; He presented him to the guests: &#8220;This is my son, studying to be a doctor. He is spending his vacation with us.&#8221; He had mentioned the young man's name, but Tony failed to understand it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pleased to meet you,&#8221; said Tony, primly. Tom rose and shook hands. Young Schwarzkopf bowed again, put down his book, and took his place at the table, blushing afresh. He was of medium height, very slender, and as fair as he could possibly be. His youthful moustaches, colourless as the hair which covered his long head, were scarcely visible; and he had a complexion to match, a tint like translucent porcelain, which grew pink on the slightest provocation. His eyes, slightly darker than his father's, had the same not very animated but good-natured quizzical expression; and his features were regular and rather pleasing. When he began to eat he displayed unusually regular teeth, glistening in close ranks of polished ivory. For the rest, he wore a grey jacket buttoned up, with flaps on the pockets, and an elastic belt at the back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I am sorry I am late,&#8221; he said. His speech was somewhat slow and grating. &#8220;I was reading on the beach, and did not look soon enough at my watch.&#8221; Then he ate silently, looking up now and then to glance at Tom and Tony.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Later on, Tony being again urged by the housewife to take something, he said, &#8220;You can rely on the honey, Fr&#228;ulein Buddenbrook; it is a pure nature product&#8212;one knows what one is eating. You must eat, you know. The air here consumes one&#8212;it accelerates the process of metabolism. If you do not eat well, you will get thin.&#8221; He had a pleasant, na&#239;ve, way of now and then bending forward as he spoke and looking at some other person than the one whom he addressed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His mother listened to him tenderly and watched Tony's face to see the impression he made. But old Schwarzkopf said, &#8220;Now, now, Herr Doctor. Don't be blowing off about your metabolism &lt;i&gt;we&lt;/i&gt; don't know anything about that sort of talk.&#8221; Whereupon the young man laughed, blushed again, and looked at Tony's plate.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The pilot-captain mentioned more than once his son's Christian name, but Tony could never quite catch what it was. It sounded like Moor&#8212;or Mort; but the Father's broad, flat pronunciation was impossible to understand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They finished their meal. Herr Diederich sat blinking in the sun, his coat flung wide open over his white waistcoat, and he and his son took out their short pipes. Tom smoked his cigarettes, and the young people began a lively conversation, the subject of which was their old school and all the old school recollections. Tony took part gaily. They quoted Herr Stengel: &#8220;What! You were to make a line, and what are you making? A dash!&#8221; What a pity Christian was not here! he could imitate him so much better.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Once Tom pointed to the flowers at Tony's place and said to his sister: &#8220;That trims things up uncommonly well, as Herr Gr&#252;nlich would say!&#8221; Whereat Tony, red with anger, gave him a push and darted an embarrassed glance at young Schwarzkopf.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The coffee-hour had been unusually late, and they had prolonged it. It was already half-past six, and twilight was beginning to descend over the Prival, when the captain got up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The company will excuse me,&#8221; he said; &#8220;I've some work down at the pilot-house. We'll have supper at eight o'clock, if that suits the young folk. Or even a little later to-night, eh, Meta? And you&#8221; (here he used his son's name again), &#8220;don't be lolling about here. Just go and dig up your bones again. Fr&#228;ulein Buddenbrook will want to unpack. Or perhaps the guests would like to go down on the beach. Only don't get in the way.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Diederich, for pity's sake, why shouldn't he sit still a bit?&#8221; Frau Schwarzkopf said, with mild reproach. &#8220;And if our guests like to go down on the beach, why shouldn't he go along? Is he to see nothing at all of our visitors?&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In her neat little room with the flower-covered furniture, Tony woke next morning with the fresh, happy feeling which one has at the beginning of a new chapter. She sat up in bed and, with her hands clasped round her knees and her tousled head flung back, blinked at the stream of light that poured through the closed shutters into the room. She began to sort out the experiences of the previous day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her thoughts scarcely touched upon the Gr&#252;nlich affair. The town, his hateful apparition in the landscape-room, the exhortations of her family and Pastor K&#246;lling&#8212;all that lay far behind her. Here, every morning, there would be a care-free waking. These Schwarzkopfs were splendid people. Last night there had been pineapple punch, and they had made part of a happy family circle. It had been very jolly. Herr Schwarzkopf had told his best sea tales, and young Schwarzkopf stories about student life at G&#246;ttingen. How odd it was, that she still did not know his first name! And she had strained her ear to hear too, but even at dinner she did not succeed, and somehow it did not seem proper to ask. She tried feverishly to think how it sounded&#8212;was it Moor&#8212;Mord&#8212;? Anyhow, she had liked him pretty well, this young Moor or Mord. He had such a sly, good-natured laugh when he asked for the water and called it by letters and numbers, so that his father got quite furious. But it was only the scientific formula for water&#8212;that is, for ordinary water, for the Travem&#252;nde product was a much more complicated affair, of course. Why, one could find a jelly-fish in it, any time! The authorities, of course, might have what notions they chose about fresh water. For this he only got another scolding from his father, for speaking slightingly of the authorities. But Frau Schwarzkopf watched Tony all the time, to see how much she admired the young man&#8212;and really, it was most interesting, he was so learned and so jolly, all at the same time. He had given her considerable attention. She had complained that her head felt hot, while eating, and that she must have too much blood. What had he replied? He had given her a careful scrutiny, and then said, Yes, the arteries in the temples might be full; but that did not prove that she had too much blood. Perhaps, instead, it meant she had too little&#8212;or rather, that there were too few red corpuscles in it. In fact, she was perhaps a little an&#230;mic.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The cuckoo sprang out of his carven house on the wall and cuckooed several times, clear and loud. &#8220;Seven, eight, nine,&#8221; counted Tony. &#8220;Up with you!&#8221; She jumped out of bed and opened the blinds. The sky was partly overcast, but the sun was visible. She looked out over the Leuchtenfeld with its tower, to the ruffled sea beyond. On the right it was bounded by the curve of the Mecklenburg coast; but before her it stretched on and on till its blue and green streaks mingled with the misty horizon. &#8220;I'll bathe afterwards,&#8221; she thought, &#8220;but first I'll eat a big breakfast, so as not to be consumed by my metabolism.&#8221; She washed and dressed with quick, eager movements.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was shortly after half-past nine when she left her room. The door of the chamber in which Tom had slept stood open; he had risen early and driven back to town. Even up here in the upper storey, it smelled of coffee&#8212;that seemed to be the characteristic odour of the little house, for it grew stronger as she descended the simple staircase with its plain board baluster and went down the corridor, where lay the living-room, which was also the dining-room and the office of the pilot-captain. She went out into the verandah, looking, in her white piqu&#233; frock, perfectly fresh, and in the gayest of tempers. Frau Schwarzkopf sat with her son at the table. It was already partly cleared away, and the housewife wore a blue-checked kitchen apron over her brown frock. A key-basket stood beside her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A thousand pardons for not waiting,&#8221; she said, as she stood up. &#8220;We simple folk rise early. There is so much to be done! Schwarzkopf is in his office. I hope you don't take it ill?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony excused herself in her turn. &#8220;You must not think I always sleep so late as this,&#8221; she said. &#8220;I feel very guilty. But the punch last night&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The young man began to laugh. He stood behind the table with his short pipe in his hand and a newspaper before him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good morning,&#8221; Tony said. &#8220;Yes, it is your fault. You kept urging me. Now I deserve only cold coffee. I ought to have had breakfast and a bathe as well, by this time.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, that would be rather too early, for a young lady. At seven o'clock the water was rather cold&#8212;eleven degrees. That's pretty sharp, after a warm bed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you know I wanted a warm bath, monsieur?&#8221; and Tony sat down beside Frau Schwarzkopf. &#8220;Oh, you have kept the coffee hot for me, Frau Schwarzkopf! But I will pour it out myself, thank you so much.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The housewife looked on as her guest began to eat. &#8220;Fr&#228;ulein slept well, the first night? The mattress, dear knows, is only stuffed with sea-weed&#8212;we are simple folk! And now, good appetite, and a good morning. You will surely find many friends on the beach. If you like, my son shall bear you company. Pardon me for not sitting longer, but I must look after the dinner. The joint is in the oven. We will feed you as well as we can.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall stick to the honeycomb,&#8221; Tony said when the two were alone. &#8220;You know what you are getting.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Young Schwarzkopf laid his pipe on the verandah rail.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But please smoke. I don't mind it at all. At home, when I come down to breakfast, Papa's cigar-smoke is already in the room. Tell me,&#8221; she said suddenly. &#8220;Is it true that an egg is as good as a quarter of a pound of meat?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He grew red all over. &#8220;Are you making fun of me?&#8221; he asked, partly laughing but partly vexed. &#8220;I got another wigging from my Father last night for what he calls my silly professional airs.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, really, I was asking because I wanted to know.&#8221; Tony stopped eating in consternation. &#8220;How could anybody call them airs? I should be so glad to learn something. I'm such a goose, you see. At Sesemi Weichbrodt's I was always one of the very laziest. I'm sure you know a great deal.&#8221; Inwardly her thoughts ran: &#8220;Everybody puts his best foot foremost, before strangers. We all take care to say what will be pleasant to hear&#8212;that is a commonplace....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you see they are the same thing, in a way. The chemical constituents of food-stuffs&#8212;&#8221; And so on, while Tony breakfasted. Next they talked about Tony's boarding-school days, and Sesemi Weichbrodt, and Gerda Arnoldsen, who had gone back to Amsterdam, and Armgard von Schelling, whose home, a large white house, could be seen from the beach here, at least in clear weather. Tony finished eating, wiped her mouth, and asked, pointing to the paper, &#8220;Is there any news?&#8221; Young Schwarzkopf shook his head and laughed cynically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no. What would there be? You know these little provincial news-sheets are wretched affairs.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, are they? Papa and Mamma always take it in.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He reddened again. &#8220;Oh, well, you see I always read it, too. Because I can't get anything else. But it is not very thrilling to hear that So-and-So, the merchant prince, is about to celebrate his silver wedding. Yes, you laugh. But you ought to read other papers&#8212;the &lt;i&gt;K&#246;nigsberg Gazette&lt;/i&gt;, for instance, or the &lt;i&gt;Rhenish Gazette&lt;/i&gt;. You'd find a different story there, entirely. There it's what the King of Prussia says.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What does he say?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well&#8212;er&#8212;I really couldn't repeat it to a lady.&#8221; He got red again. &#8220;He expressed himself rather strongly on the subject of this same press,&#8221; he went on with another cynical laugh, which, for a moment, made a painful impression on Tony. &#8220;The press, you know, doesn't feel any too friendly toward the government or the nobility or the parsons and junkers. It knows pretty well how to lead the censor by the nose.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and you? Aren't you any too friendly with the nobility, either?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I?&#8221; he asked, and looked very embarrassed. Tony rose.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Shall we talk about this again another time?&#8221; she suggested. &#8220;Suppose I go down to the beach now. Look, the sky is blue nearly all over. It won't rain any more. I am simply longing to jump into the water. Will you go down with me?&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;She had put on her big straw hat, and she raised her sunshade; for it was very hot, though there was a little seabreeze. Young Schwarzkopf, in his grey felt, book in hand, walked beside her and sometimes gave her a shy side-glance. They went along the front and walked through the garden of the Kurhouse, which lay there in the sun shadeless and still, with its rose-bushes and pebbly paths. The music pavilion, hidden among pine trees, stood opposite the Kurhouse, the pastry-cook's, and the two Swiss cottages, which were connected by a long gallery. It was about half-past eleven, and the hotel guests were probably down on the beach.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They crossed the playground, where there were many benches and a large swing, passed close to the building where one took the hot baths, and strolled slowly across the Leuchtenfeld. The sun brooded over the grass, and there rose up a spicy smell from the warm weeds and clover; blue-bottle flies buzzed and droned about. A dull, booming roar came up from the ocean, whose waters now and then lifted a crested head of spray in the distance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is that you are reading?&#8221; Tony asked. The young man took the book in both hands and ran it quickly through, from cover to cover.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, that is nothing for you, Fr&#228;ulein Buddenbrook. Nothing but blood and entrails and such awful things. This part treats of nodes in the lungs. What we call pulmonary catarrh. The lungs get filled up with a watery fluid. It is a very dangerous condition, and occurs in inflammation of the lungs. In bad cases, the patient simply chokes to death. And that is all described with perfect coolness, from a scientific point of view.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, horrors! But if one wants to be a doctor&#8212;I will see that you become our family physician, when old Grabow retires. You'll see!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ha, ha! And what are you reading, if I may ask, Fr&#228;ulein Buddenbrook?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know Hoffmann?&#8221; Tony asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;About the choir-master, and the gold pot? Yes, that's very pretty. But it is more for ladies. Men want something different, you know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must ask you one thing,&#8221; Tony said, taking a sudden resolution, after they had gone a few steps. &#8220;And that is, do, I beg of you, tell me your first name. I haven't been able to understand it a single time I've heard it, and it is making me dreadfully nervous. I've simply been racking my brains&#8212;I have, quite.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have been racking your brains?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now don't make it worse&#8212;I'm sure it couldn't have been proper for me to ask, only I'm naturally curious. There's really no reason whatever why I should know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, my name is Morten,&#8221; said he, and became redder than ever.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Morten? That is a nice name.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh&#8212;nice!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, indeed. At least, it's prettier than to be called something like Hinz, or Kunz. It is unusual; it sounds foreign.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are romantic, Fr&#228;ulein Buddenbrook. You have read too much Hoffmann. My grandfather was half Norwegian, and I was named after him. That is all there is to it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony picked her way through the rushes on the edge of the beach. In front of them was a row of round-topped wooden pavilions, and beyond they could see the basket-chairs at the water's edge and people camped by families on the warm sand&#8212;ladies with blue sun-spectacles and books out of the loan-library; gentlemen in light suits idly drawing pictures in the sand with their walking-sticks; sun-burnt children in enormous straw hats, tumbling about, shovelling sand, digging for water, baking with wooden moulds, paddling bare-legged in the shallow pools, floating little ships. To the right, the wooden bathing-pavilion ran out into the water.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We are going straight across to M&#246;llendorpf's pier,&#8221; said Tony. &#8220;Let's turn off.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly; but don't you want to meet your friends? I can sit down yonder on those boulders.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I suppose I ought to just greet them. But I don't want to, you know. I came here to be in peace and quiet.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Peace? From what?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why&#8212;from&#8212;from&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, Fr&#228;ulein Buddenbrook. I must ask you something. No, I'll wait till another day&#8212;till we have more time. Now I will say au revoir and go and sit down there on the rocks.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't you want me to introduce you, then?&#8221; Tony asked, importantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no,&#8221; Morten said, hastily. &#8220;Thanks, but I don't fit very well with those people, you see. I'll just sit down over there on the rocks.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a rather large company which Tony was approaching while Morten Schwarzkopf betook himself to the great heap of boulders on the right, near to the bathing-house and washed by the waves. The party was encamped before the M&#246;llendorpfs' pier, and was composed of the M&#246;llendorpf, Hagenstr&#246;m, Kistenmaker, and Fritsche families. Except for Herr Fritsche, the owner, from Hamburg, and Peter D&#246;hlmann, the idler, the group consisted of women, for it was a week-day, and most of the men were in their offices. Consul Fritsche, an elderly, smooth-shaven gentleman with a distinguished face, was up on the open pier, busy with a telescope, which he trained upon a sailboat visible in the distance. Peter D&#246;hlmann, with a broad-brimmed straw hat and a beard with a nautical cut, stood chatting with the ladies perched on camp-stools or stretched out on rugs on the sand. There were Frau Senator M&#246;llendorpf, born Langhals, with her long-handled lorgnon and untidy grey hair; Frau Hagenstr&#246;m, with Julchen, who had not grown much, but already wore diamonds in her ears, like her mother; Frau Consul Kistenmaker and her daughters; and Frau Consul Fritsche, a wrinkled little lady in a cap, who performed the duties of hospitality at the bath and went about perpetually hot and tired, thinking only about balls and routs and raffles, children's parties and sailboat excursions. At a little distance sat her paid companion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kistenmaker and Son was the new firm of wine-merchants which had, in the last few years, managed to put C. F. K&#246;ppen rather in the shade. The two sons, Edouard and Stephan, worked in their father's office. Consul D&#246;hlmann possessed none of those graces of manner upon which Justus Kr&#246;ger laid such stress. He was an idler pure and simple, whose special characteristic was a sort of rough good humour. He could and did take a good many liberties in society, being quite aware that his loud, brusque voice and bluff ways caused the ladies to set him down as an original. Once at a dinner at the Buddenbrooks, when a course failed to come in promptly and the guests grew dull and the hostess flustered, he came to the rescue and put them into a good humour by bellowing in his big voice the whole length of the table: &#8220;Please don't wait for me, Frau Consul!&#8221; Just now, in this same reverberating voice, he was relating questionable anecdotes seasoned with low-German idioms. Frau Senator M&#246;llendorpf, in paroxysms of laughter, was crying out over and over again: &#8220;Stop, Herr D&#246;hlmann, stop! for heaven's sake, don't tell any more.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They greeted Tony&#8212;the Hagenstr&#246;ms coldly, the others with great cordiality. Consul Fritsche even came down the steps of the pier, for he hoped that the Buddenbrooks would return next year to swell the population of the baths.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yours to command, Fr&#228;ulein Buddenbrook,&#8221; said Consul D&#246;hlmann, with his very best pronunciation; for he was aware that Mademoiselle did not especially care for his manners.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mademoiselle Buddenbrook!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How lovely!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When did you come?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a sweet frock!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where are you stopping?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At the Schwarzkopfs'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;With the pilot-captain? How original!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How &lt;i&gt;frightfully&lt;/i&gt; original.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are stopping in the town?&#8221; asked Consul Fritsche, the owner of the baths. He did not betray that he felt the blow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Will you come to our next assembly?&#8221; his wife asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, you are only here for a short time?&#8221;&#8212;this from another lady.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't you think, darling, the Buddenbrooks rather give themselves airs?&#8221; Frau Hagenstr&#246;m whispered to Frau Senator M&#246;llendorpf.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you been in yet?&#8221; somebody asked. &#8220;Which of the rest of you hasn't bathed yet, young ladies? Marie? Julie, Louise? Your friends will go bathing with you, of course, Fr&#228;ulein Antonie.&#8221; Some of the young girls rose, and Peter D&#246;hlmann insisted on accompanying them up the beach.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you remember how we used to go back and forth to school together?&#8221; Tony asked Julie Hagenstr&#246;m.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, and you were always the one that got into mischief,&#8221; Julie said, joining in her laugh. They went across the beach on a foot-bridge made of a few boards, and reached the bathhouse. As they passed the boulders where Morten Schwarzkopf sat, Tony nodded to him from a distance, and somebody asked, &#8220;who is that you are bowing to, Tony?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That was young Schwarzkopf,&#8221; Tony answered. &#8220;He walked down here with me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The son of the pilot-captain?&#8221; Julchen asked, and peered across at Morten with her staring black eyes. He on his side watched the gay troop with rather a melancholy air. Tony said in a loud voice: &#8220;What a pity August is not here. It must be stupid on the beach.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And now began for Tony Buddenbrook a stretch of beautiful summer weeks, briefer, lovelier, than any she had ever spent in Travem&#252;nde. She bloomed as she felt her burden no longer upon her; her gay, pert, careless manner had come back. The Consul looked at her with satisfaction when he came on Sundays with Tom and Christian. On those days they ate at the table-d'h&#244;te, sat under the awnings at the pastry-cook's, drinking coffee and listening to the band, and peeped into the roulette-room at the gay folk there, like Justus Kr&#246;ger and Peter D&#246;hlmann. The Consul himself never played. Tony sunned herself, took baths, ate sausages with ginger-nut sauce, and took long walks with Morten. They went out on the high-road to the next village, or along the beach to the &#8220;ocean temple&#8221; on its height, whence a wide view was to be had over land and sea; or to the woods behind the Kurhouse, where was a great bell used to call the guests to the table-d'h&#244;te. Sometimes they rowed across the Trave to the Prival, to look for amber.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Morten made an entertaining companion, though his opinions were often dogmatic, not to say heated. He had a severe and righteous judgment for everything, and he expressed it with finality, blushing all the time. It saddened Tony to hear him call the nobility idiots and wretches and to see the contemptuous if awkward gesture that accompanied the words. She scolded him, but she was proud to have him express so freely in her presence the views and opinions which she knew he concealed from his parents. Once he confided in her: &#8220;I'll tell you something: I've a skeleton in my room at G&#246;ttingen&#8212;a whole set of bones, you know, held together by wire. I've put an old policeman's uniform on it. Ha, ha! Isn't that great? But don't say anything to my Father about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony was naturally often in the society of her town friends, or drawn into some assembly or boating party. Then Morten &#8220;sat on the rocks.&#8221; And after their first day this phrase became a convenient one. To &#8220;sit on the rocks&#8221; meant to feel bored and lonely. When a rainy day came and a grey mist covered the sea far and wide till it was one with the deep sky; when the beach was drenched and the roads streaming with wet, Tony would say: &#8220;To-day we shall both have to sit on the rocks&#8212;that is, in the verandah or sitting-room. There is nothing left to do but for you to play me some of your student songs, Morten&#8212;even if they do bore me horribly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; Morten said, &#8220;come and sit down. But you know that when you are here, there are no rocks!&#8221; He never said such things when his father was present. His mother he did not mind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what now?&#8221; asked the pilot-captain, as Tony and Morten both rose from table and were about to take their leave. &#8220;Where are the young folk off to?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was going to take a little walk with Fr&#228;ulein Antonie, as far as the temple.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, is that it? Well, my son Filius, what do you say to going up to your room and conning over your nerves? You'll lose everything out of your head before you get back to G&#246;ttingen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Frau Schwarzkopf would intervene: &#8220;Now, Diederich, aren't these his holidays? Why shouldn't he take a walk? Is he to have nothing of our visitor?&#8221; So Morten went.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They paced along the beach close to the water, on the smooth, hard sand that made walking easy. It was strewn with common tiny white mussel-shells, and others too, pale opalescent and longish in shape; yellow-green wet sea-weed with hollow round fruit that snapped when you squeezed it; and pale, translucent, reddish-yellow jelly-fish, which were poisonous and burned your leg when you touched one bathing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I used to be frightfully stupid, you know,&#8221; Tony said. &#8220;I wanted the bright star out of the jelly-fish, so I brought a lot home in my pocket-handkerchief and put them on the balcony, to dry in the sunshine. When I looked at them again, of course there was just a big wet spot that smelled of sea-weed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The waves whispered rhythmically beside them as they walked, and the salt wind blew full in their faces, streaming over and about them, closing their ears to other sounds and causing a pleasant slight giddiness. They walked in this hushed, whispering peacefulness by the sea, whose every faint murmur, near or far, seemed to have a deep significance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To their left was a precipitous cliff of lime and boulders, with jutting corners that came into view as they rounded the bay. When the beach was too stony to go on, they began to climb, and continued upward through the wood until they reached the temple. It was a round pavilion, built of rough timbers and boards, the inside of which was covered with scribbled inscriptions and poetry, carved hearts and initials. Tony and Morten seated themselves in one of the little rooms facing the sea; it smelled of wood, like the cabins at the bathhouse. It was very quiet, even solemn, up here at this hour of the afternoon. A pair of birds chattered, and the faint rustling of the leaves mingled with the sound of the sea spread out below them. In the distance they could see the rigging of a ship. Sheltered now from the wind that had been thrumming at their ears, they suddenly experienced a quiet, almost pensive mood.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony said, &#8220;Is it coming or going?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What?&#8221; asked Morten, his subdued voice sounding as if he were coming back from a far distance. &#8220;Oh&#8212;going&#8212; That is the &lt;i&gt;Burgermeister Steenbock&lt;/i&gt;, for Russia.&#8221; He added after a pause: &#8220;I shouldn't like to be going with it. It must be worse there than here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now,&#8221; Tony said, &#8220;you are going to begin again on the nobility. I see it in your face. And it's not at all nice of you. Tell me, did you ever know a single one of them?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No!&#8221; Morten shouted, quite insulted. &#8220;Thank God, no.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, there, then, I have&#8212;Armgard von Schilling over there, that I told you about. She was much better-natured than either of us; she hardly knew she was a &lt;i&gt;von&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;she ate sausage-meat and talked about her cows.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, of course. There are naturally exceptions. Listen, Fr&#228;ulein Tony. You are a woman, you see, so you take everything personally. You happen to know a single member of the nobility, and you say she is a good creature&#8212;certainly! But one does not need to know any of them to be able to judge them all. It is a question of the principle, you understand&#8212;of&#8212;the organization of the state. You can't answer that, can you? They need only to be born to be the pick of everything, and look down on all the rest of us. While we, however hard we strive, cannot climb to their level.&#8221; Morten spoke with a na&#239;ve, honest irritation. He tried to fit his speech with gestures, then perceived that they were awkward, and gave it up. But he was in the vein to talk, and he went on, sitting bent forward, with his thumb between the buttons of his jacket, a defiant expression in his usually good-natured eyes. &#8220;We, the bourgeoisie&#8212;the Third Estate, as we have been called&#8212;we recognize only that nobility which consists of merit; we refuse to admit any longer the rights of the indolent aristocracy, we repudiate the class distinctions of the present day, we desire that all men should be free and equal, that no person shall be subject to another, but all subject to the law. There shall be no more privilege and arbitrary rule. All shall be sovereign children of the state; and as no middlemen exist any longer between the people and almighty God, so shall the citizen stand in direct relation to the State. We will have freedom of the press, of trade and industry, so that all men, without distinction, shall be able to strive together and receive their reward according to their merit. We are enslaved, muzzled!&#8212;What was it I wanted to say? Oh, yes! Four years ago they renewed the laws of the Confederation touching the universities and the press. Fine laws they are! No truth may be written or taught which might not agree with the established order of things. Do you understand? The truth is suppressed&#8212;forbidden to be spoken. Why? For the sake of an obsolete, idiotic, decadent class which everybody knows will be destroyed some day, anyhow. I do not think you can comprehend such meanness. It is the stupid, brutal application of force, the immediate physical strength of the police, without the slightest understanding of new, spiritual forces. And apart from all that, there is the final fact of the great wrong the King of Prussia has done us. In 1813, when the French were in the country, he called us together and promised us a Constitution. We came to the rescue, we freed Germany from the invader&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony, chin in hand, stole a look at him and wondered for a moment if he could have actually helped to drive out Napoleon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8212;but do you think he kept his promise? Oh, no! The present king is a fine orator, a dreamer; a romantic, like you, Fr&#228;ulein Tony. But I'll tell you something: take any general principle or conception of life. It always happens that, directly it has been found wanting and discarded by the poets and philosophers, there comes along a King to whom it is a perfectly new idea, and who makes it a guiding principle. That is what kings are like. It is not only that kings are men&#8212;they are even very distinctly average men; they are always a good way in the rear. Oh, yes, Germany is just like a students' society; it had its brave and spirited youth at the time of the great revolution, but now it is just a lot of fretful Philistines.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ye&#8212;es,&#8221; Tony said. &#8220;But let me ask you this: Why are you so interested in Prussia? You aren't a Prussian.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, it is all the same thing, Fr&#228;ulein Buddenbrook. Yes, I said Fr&#228;ulein Buddenbrook on purpose, I ought even to have said Demoiselle Buddenbrook, and given you your entire title. Are the men here freer, more brotherly, more equal than in Prussia? Conventions, classes, aristocracy, here as there. You have sympathy for the nobility. Shall I tell you why? Because you belong to it yourself. Yes, yes, didn't you know it? Your father is a great gentleman, and you are a princess. There is a gulf between you and us, because we do not belong to your circle of ruling families. You can walk on the beach with one of us for the sake of your health, but when you get back into your own class, then the rest of us can go and sit on the rocks.&#8221; His voice had grown quite strangely excited.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Morten,&#8221; said Tony, sadly. &#8220;You have been angry all the time, then, when you were sitting on the rocks! And I always begged you to come and be introduced.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now you are taking the affair personally again, like a young lady, Fr&#228;ulein Tony, I'm only speaking of the principle. I say that there is no more fellowship of humanity with us than in Prussia.&#8212;And even if I were speaking personally,&#8221; he went on, after a little pause, with a softer tone, out of which, however, the strange excitement had not disappeared, &#8220;I shouldn't be speaking of the present, but rather, perhaps, of the future. When you as Madame So-and-So finally vanish into your proper sphere, one is left to sit on the rocks all the rest of one's life.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was silent, and Tony too. She did not look at him, but in the other direction, at the wooden partition. There was an uneasy stillness for some time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you remember,&#8221; Morten began again, &#8220;I once said to you that there was a question I wanted to ask you? Yes, I have wanted to know, since the first afternoon you came. Don't guess. You couldn't guess what I mean. I am going to ask you another time; there is no hurry; it has really nothing to do with me; it is only curiosity. No, to-day I will only show you one thing. Look.&#8221; He drew out of the pocket of his jacket the end of a narrow gaily-striped ribbon, and looked with a mixture of expectation and triumph into Tony's eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How pretty,&#8221; she said uncomprehendingly. &#8220;What is it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Morten spoke solemnly: &#8220;That means that I belong to a students' fraternity in G&#246;ttingen.&#8212;Now you know. I have a cap in the same colours, but my skeleton in the policeman's uniform is wearing it for the holidays. I couldn't be seen with it here, you understand. I can count on your saying nothing, can't I? Because it would be very unfortunate if my father were to hear of it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not a word, Morten. You can rely on me. But I don't understand&#8212;have you all taken a vow against the nobility? What is it you want?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We want freedom,&#8221; Morten said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Freedom?&#8221; she asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, freedom, you know&#8212;Freedom!&#8221; he repeated; and he made a vague, awkward, fervent gesture outward and downward, not toward the side where the coast of Mecklenburg narrowed the bay, but in the direction of the open sea, whose rippling blue, green, yellow, and grey stripes rolled as far as eye could see out to the misty horizon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony followed his gesture with her eye; they sat, their hands lying close together on the bench, and looked into the distance. Thus they remained in silence a long time, while the sea sent up to them its soft enchanting whispers.... Tony suddenly felt herself one with Morten in a great, vague yearning comprehension of this portentous something which he called &#8220;Freedom.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IX&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;It is wonderful how one doesn't get bored, here at the seashore, Morten. Imagine lying anywhere else for hours at a time, flat on your back, doing nothing, not even thinking&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. But I must confess that I used to be bored sometimes&#8212;only not in the last few weeks.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Autumn was at hand. The first strong wind had risen. Thin, tattered grey clouds raced across the sky. The dreary, tossing sea was covered far and wide with foam. Great, powerful waves rolled silently in, relentless, awesome; towered majestically, in a metallic dark-green curve, then crashed thundering on the sand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The season was quite at an end. On that part of the beach usually occupied by the throng of bathers, the pavilions were already partly dismantled, and it lay as quiet as the grave, with only a very few basket-chairs. But Tony and Morten spent the afternoon in a distant spot, at the edge of the yellow loam, where the waves hurled their spray as far up as Sea-gull Rock. Morten had made her a solid sand fortress, and she leaned against it with her back, her feet in their strap shoes and white stockings crossed in front of her. Morten lay turned toward her, his chin in his hands. Now and then a sea-gull flew past them, shrieking. They looked at the green wall of wave, streaked with sea-weed, that came threateningly on and on and then broke against the opposing boulders, with the eternal, confused tumult that deafens and silences and destroys all sense of time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Finally Morten made a movement as though rousing himself from deep thought, and said, &#8220;Well, you will soon be leaving us, Fr&#228;ulein Tony.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; why?&#8221; Tony said absently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, it is the tenth of September. My holidays are nearly at an end, anyhow. How much longer can it last? Shall you be glad to get back to the society of your own kind? Tell me&#8212;I suppose the gentlemen you dance with are very agreeable?&#8212;No, no, that was not what I wanted to say. Now you must answer me,&#8221; he said, with a sudden resolution, shifting his chin in his hands and looking at her. &#8220;Here is the question I have been waiting so long to ask. Now: who is Herr Gr&#252;nlich?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony sat up, looking at him quickly, her eyes shifting back and forth like those of a person recollecting himself on coming out of a dream. She was feeling again the sense of increased personal importance first experienced when Herr Gr&#252;nlich proposed for her hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, is that what you want to know, Morten?&#8221; she said weightily. &#8220;Well, I will tell you. It was really very painful for me to have Thomas mention his name like that, the first afternoon; but since you have already heard of him&#8212;well, Herr Gr&#252;nlich, Bendix Gr&#252;nlich, is a business friend of my father, a well-to-do Hamburg merchant, who has asked for my hand. No, no,&#8221; she replied quickly to a movement of Morten's, &#8220;I have refused him; I have never been able to make up my mind to yield him my consent for life.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And why not?&#8212;if I may ask,&#8221; said Morten awkwardly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why? Oh, good heavens, because I couldn't endure him,&#8221; she cried out in a passion. &#8220;You ought to have seen him, how he looked and how he acted. Among other things, he had yellow whiskers&#8212;dreadfully unnatural. I'm sure he curled them and put on gold powder, like the stuff we use for the Christmas nuts. And he was underhanded. He fawned on my Father and Mother and chimed in with them in the most shameful way&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Morten interrupted her. &#8220;But what does this mean: &#8216;That trims it up uncommonly.'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony broke into a nervous giggle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, he talked like that, Morten. He wouldn't say &#8216;That looks very well' or &#8216;It goes very well with the room.' He was frightfully silly, I tell you. And very persistent; he simply wouldn't be put off, although I never gave him anything but sarcasm. Once he made such a scene&#8212;he nearly wept&#8212;imagine a man weeping!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He must have worshipped you,&#8221; Morten said softly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what affair was that of mine?&#8221; she cried out, astonished, turning around on her sand-heap.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are cruel, Fr&#228;ulein Tony. Are you always cruel? Tell me: You didn't like this Herr Gr&#252;nlich. But is there any one to whom you have been more gracious? Sometimes I think: Has she a cold heart? Let me tell you something: a man is not idiotic simply because he weeps when you won't look at him. I swear it. I am not sure, not at all, that I wouldn't do the same thing. You see, you are such a dainty, spoilt thing. Do you always make fun of people that lie at your feet? Have you really a cold heart?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After the first giggle, Tony's lip began to quiver. She turned on him a pair of great distressed eyes, which slowly filled with tears as she said softly: &#8220;No, Morten, you should not think that of me&#8212;you must not think that of me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't; indeed I don't,&#8221; he cried, with a laugh of mingled emotion and hardly suppressed exultation. He turned fully about, so that he lay supporting himself on his elbows, took her hands in both his, and looked straight into hers with his kind steel-blue eyes, which were excited and dreamy and exalted all at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then you&#8212;you won't mock at me if I tell you&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know, Morten,&#8221; she answered gently, looking away from him at the fine white sand sifting through the fingers of her free hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know&#8212;and you&#8212;oh, Fr&#228;ulein Tony!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Morten. I care a great deal for you. More than for any one else I know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He started up, making awkward gestures with his arms, like a man bewildered. Then he got to his feet, only to throw himself down again by her side and cry in a voice that stammered, wavered, died away and rose again, out of sheer joy: &#8220;Oh, thank you, thank you! I am so happy! more than I ever was in all my life!&#8221; And he fell to kissing her hands. After a moment he said more quietly; &#8220;You will be going back to town soon, Tony, and my holidays will be over in two weeks; then I must return to G&#246;ttingen. But will you promise me that you will never forget this afternoon here on the beach&#8212;till I come back again with my degree, and can ask your Father&#8212;however hard that's going to be? And you won't listen to any Herr Gr&#252;nlich meantime? Oh, it won't be so long&#8212;I will work like a&#8212;like anything! it will be so easy!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Morten,&#8221; she said dreamily, looking at his eyes, his mouth, his hands holding hers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He drew her hand close to his breast and asked very softly and imploringly: &#8220;And won't you&#8212;may I&#8212;seal the promise?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She did not answer, she did not look at him, but moved nearer to him on the sand-heap, and Morten kissed her slowly and solemnly on the mouth. Then they stared in different directions across the sand, and both felt furiously embarrassed.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER X&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Dearest Mademoiselle Buddenbrook,&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;For how long must the undersigned exist without a glimpse of his enchantress? These few lines will tell you that the vision has never ceased to hover before his spiritual eye; that never has he during these interminably anxious months ceased to think of the precious afternoon in your parental salon, when you let fall a blushing promise which filled me with bliss unspeakable! Since then long weeks have flown, during which you have retired from the world for the sake of calm and self-examination. May I now hope that the period of probation is past? The undersigned permits himself, dearest Mademoiselle, to send the enclosed ring as an earnest of his undying tenderness. With the most tender compliments, and devotedly kissing your hand, I remain,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Your obedient servant,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gr&#252;nlich.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Dear Papa,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
How angry I've been! I had the enclosed letter and ring just now from Gr&#252;nlich, and my head aches fearfully from excitement. I don't know what else to do but send them both to you. He simply will not understand me, and what he so poetically writes about the promise isn't in the least true, and I beg you emphatically to make it immediately perfectly clear to him that I am a thousand times less able to say yes to him than I was before, and that he must leave me in peace. He makes himself ridiculous. To you, my dearest Father, I can say that I have bound myself elsewhere, to one who adores me and whom I love more than I can say. Oh, Papa! I could write pages to you! I mean Herr Morten Schwarzkopf, who is studying to be a physician, and who as soon as that happens will ask for my hand. I know that it is the rule of the family to marry a business man, but Morten belongs to the other section of respectable men, the scholars. He is not rich, which I know is important to you and Mamma: but I must tell you that, young as I am, I have learned that riches do not make every one happy. With a thousand kisses,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Your obedient daughter,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Antonie.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;P.S. I find the ring very poor gold, and too narrow.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;My dear Tony,&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Your letter duly received. As regards its contents, I must tell you that I did not fail to communicate them to Herr Gr&#252;nlich: the result was of such a nature as to shock me very much. You are a grown girl, and at a serious time of life, so I need not scruple to tell you the consequences that a frivolous step of yours may draw after it. Herr Gr&#252;nlich, then, burst into despair at my announcement, declaring that he loved you so dearly, and could so little console himself for your loss, that he would be in a state to take his own life if you remain firm in your resolve. As I cannot take seriously what you write me of another attachment, I must beg you to master your excitement over the ring, and consider everything again very carefully. It is my Christian conviction, my dear daughter, that one must have regard for the feelings of others. We do not know that you may not be made responsible by the most high Judge if a man whose feelings you have coldly and obstinately scorned should trespass against his own life. But the thing I have so often told you by word of mouth, I must recall again to your remembrance, and I am glad to have the occasion to repeat it in writing; for though speech is more vivid and has the more immediate effect, the written word has the advantage that it can be chosen with pains and fixed in a form well-weighed and calculated by the writer, to be read over and over again, with proportionate effect.&#8212;My child, we are not born for that which, with our short-sighted vision, we reckon to be our own small personal happiness. We are not free, separate, and independent entities, but like links in a chain, and we could not by any means be what we are without those who went before us and showed us the way, by following the straight and narrow path, not looking to right or left. Your path, it seems to me, has lain all these weeks sharply marked out for you, and you would not be my daughter, nor the granddaughter of your Grandfather who rests in God, nor a worthy member of our own family, if you really have it in your heart, alone, wilfully, and light-headedly to choose your own unregulated path. Your Mother, Thomas, Christian, and I beg you, my dear Antonie, to weigh all this in your heart. Mlle. Jungmann and Clara greet you affectionately, likewise Clothilde, who has been the last several weeks with her father at Thankless. We all rejoice at the thought of embracing you once more.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;With unfailing affection,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Your loving Father.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER XI&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It rained in streams. Heaven, earth, and sea were in flood, while the driving wind took the rain and flung it against the panes as though not drops but brooks were flowing down and making them impossible to see through. Complaining and despairing voices sounded in the chimney.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Morten Schwarzkopf went out into the verandah with his pipe shortly after dinner to look at the sky, he found there a gentleman with a long, narrow yellow-checked ulster and a grey hat. A closed carriage, its top glistening with wet, its wheels clogged with mud, was before the door. Morten stared irresolutely into the rosy face of the gentleman. He had mutton-chop whiskers that looked as though they had been dressed with gold paint.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The gentleman in the ulster looked at Morten as one looks at a servant, blinking gently without seeing him, and said in a soft voice: &#8220;Is Herr Pilot-Captain Schwarzkopf at home?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; stammered Morten, &#8220;I think my Father&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hereupon the gentleman fixed his eyes upon him; they were as blue as a goose's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you Herr Morten Schwarzkopf?&#8221; he asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, sir,&#8221; answered Morten, trying to keep his face straight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah&#8212;indeed!&#8221; remarked the gentleman in the ulster, and went on, &#8220;Have the goodness to announce me to your Father, young man. My name is Gr&#252;nlich.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Morten led the gentleman through the verandah, opened for him the right-hand door that led into the office, and went back into the sitting-room to tell his Father. Then the youth sat down at the round table, resting his elbow on it, and seemed, without noticing his Mother, who was sitting at the dark window mending stockings, to busy himself with the &#8220;wretched news-sheet&#8221; which had nothing in it except the announcements of the silver wedding of Consul So-and-So. Tony was resting in her room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The pilot-captain entered his office with the air of a man satisfied with his meal. His uniform-coat stood open over the usual white waistcoat. His face was red, and his ice-grey beard coldly set off against it; his tongue travelled about agreeably among his teeth, making his good mouth take the most extraordinary shapes. He bowed shortly, jerkily, with the air of one conforming to the conventions as he understood them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good afternoon,&#8221; he said. &#8220;At your service.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich, on his side, bowed with deliberation, although one corner of his mouth seemed to go down. He said softly: &#8220;Ahem!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The office was rather a small room, the walls of which had wainscoting for a few feet and then simple plaster. Curtains, yellow with smoke, hung before the window, on whose panes the rain beat unceasingly. On the right of the door was a rough table covered with papers, above it a large map of Europe, and a smaller one of the Baltic Sea fastened to the wall. From the middle of the ceiling hung the well-cut model of a ship under full sail.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Captain made his guest take the sloping sofa, covered with cracked oil-cloth, that stood opposite the door, and made himself comfortable in a wooden arm-chair, folding his hands across his stomach; while Herr Gr&#252;nlich, his ulster tightly buttoned up, his hat on his knees, sat bolt upright on the edge of the sofa.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My name is, I repeat, Gr&#252;nlich,&#8221; he said; &#8220;from Hamburg. I may say by way of introduction that I am a close business friend of Herr Buddenbrook.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Servant, Herr Gr&#252;nlich; pleased to make your acquaintance. Won't you make yourself comfortable? Have a glass of grog after your journey? I'll send right into the kitchen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must permit myself to remark that my time is limited, my carriage is waiting, and I am really obliged to ask for the favour of a few words with you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At your service,&#8221; repeated Herr Schwarzkopf, taken aback. There was a pause.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Herr Captain,&#8221; began Herr Gr&#252;nlich, wagging his head with determination and throwing himself back on his seat. After this he was silent again; and by way of enhancing the effect of his address he shut his mouth tight, like a purse drawn together with strings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Herr Captain,&#8221; he repeated, and went on without further pause, &#8220;The matter about which I have come to you directly concerns the young lady who has been for some weeks stopping in your house.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mademoiselle Buddenbrook?&#8221; asked the Consul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Precisely,&#8221; assented Herr Gr&#252;nlich. He looked down at the floor, and spoke in a voice devoid of expression. Hard lines came out at the corners of his mouth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am obliged to inform you,&#8221; he went on in a sing-song tone, his sharp eyes jumping from one point in the room to another and then to the window, &#8220;that some time ago I proposed for the hand of Mademoiselle Buddenbrook. I am in possession of the fullest confidence of both parents, and the young lady herself has unmistakably given me a claim to her hand, though no betrothal has taken place in form.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't say&#8212;God keep us!&#8221; said Herr Schwarzkopf, in a sprightly tone. &#8220;I never heard that before! Congratulations, Herr&#8212;er&#8212;Gr&#252;nlich. She's a good girl&#8212;genuine good stuff.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank you for the compliment,&#8221; said Herr Gr&#252;nlich, coldly. He went on in his high sing-song: &#8220;What brings me to you on this occasion, my good Herr Captain, is the circumstance that certain difficulties have just arisen&#8212;and these difficulties&#8212;appear to have their source in your house&#8212;?&#8221; He spoke the last words in a questioning tone, as if to say, &#8220;Can this disgraceful state of things be true, or have my ears deceived me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Schwarzkopf answered only by lifting his eyebrows as high as they would go, and clutching the arms of his chair with his brown, blond-felled fisherman's hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. This is the fact. So I am informed,&#8221; Herr Gr&#252;nlich said, with dreary certitude. &#8220;I hear that your son&#8212;studiosus medicinae, I am led to understand&#8212;has allowed himself&#8212;of course unconsciously&#8212;to encroach upon my rights. I hear that he has taken advantage of the present visit of the young lady to extract certain promises from her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What?&#8221; shouted the pilot-captain, gripping the arms of his chair and springing up. &#8220;That we shall soon&#8212;we can soon see&#8212;!&#8221; With two steps he was at the door, tore it open, and shouted down the corridor in a voice that would have out-roared the wildest seas: &#8220;Meta, Morten! Come in here, both of you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall regret it exceedingly if the assertion of my prior rights runs counter to your fatherly hopes, Herr Captain.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Diederich Schwarzkopf turned and stared, with his sharp blue eyes in their wrinkled setting, straight into the stranger's face, as though he strove in vain to comprehend his words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sir!&#8221; he said. Then, with a voice that sounded as though he had just burnt his throat with hot grog, &#8220;I'm a simple sort of a man, and don't know much about landlubber's tricks and skin games; but if you mean, maybe, that&#8212;well, sir, you can just set it down right away that you've got on the wrong tack, and are making a pretty bad miscalculation about my fatherly hopes. I know who my son is, and I know who Mademoiselle Buddenbrook is, and there's too much respect and too much pride in my carcase to be making any plans of the sort you've mentioned.&#8212;And now,&#8221; he roared, jerking his head toward the door, &#8220;it's your turn to talk, boy. You tell me what this affair is; what is this I hear&#8212;hey?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Schwarzkopf and her son stood in the doorway, she innocently arranging her apron, he with the air of a hardened sinner. Herr Gr&#252;nlich did not rise at their entrance. He waited, erect and composed, on the edge of the sofa, buttoned up tight in his ulster.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you've been behaving like a silly fool?&#8221; bellowed the captain to Morten.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The young man had his thumb stuck between the buttons of his jacket. He scowled and puffed out his cheeks defiantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Father,&#8221; he said, &#8220;Fr&#228;ulein Buddenbrook and I&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, then, I'll just tell you you're a perfect Tom-fool, a young ninny, and you'll be packed off to-morrow for G&#246;ttingen&#8212;to-morrow, understand? It's all damned childish nonsense, and rascality into the bargain.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good heavens, Diederich,&#8221; said Frau Schwarzkopf, folding her hands, &#8220;you can't just say that, you know. Who knows&#8212;?&#8221; She stopped, she said no more; but it was plain from her face that a mother's beautiful dream had been shattered in that moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Would the gentleman like to see the young lady?&#8221; Schwarzkopf turned to Herr Gr&#252;nlich and spoke in a harsh voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She is upstairs in her room asleep,&#8221; Frau Schwarzkopf said with feeling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I regret,&#8221; said Herr Gr&#252;nlich, and he got up, obviously relieved. &#8220;But I repeat that my time is limited, and the carriage waits. I permit myself,&#8221; he went on, describing with his hat a motion in the direction of Herr Schwarzkopf, &#8220;to acknowledge to you, Herr Captain, my entire recognition of your manly and high-principled bearing. I salute you. Good-bye.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Diederich Schwarzkopf did not offer to shake hands with him. He merely gave a jerky bow with the upper part of his heavy figure, that had an air of saying: &#8220;This is the proper thing, I suppose.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich, with measured tread, passed between Morten and his mother and went out the door.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER XII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Thomas appeared with the Kr&#246;ger cal&#232;che. The day was at hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The young man arrived at ten o'clock in the forenoon and took a bite with the family in the living-room. They sat together as on the first day, except that now summer was over; it was too cold and windy to sit in the verandah; and&#8212;Morten was not there. He was in G&#246;ttingen. Tony and he had not even been able to say good-bye. The Captain had stood there and said, &#8220;Well, so that's the end of that, eh!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At eleven the brother and sister mounted into the wagon, where Tony's trunk was already fastened at the back. She was pale and shivered in her soft autumn coat&#8212;from cold, weariness, excitement, and a grief that now and then rose up suddenly and filled her breast with a painful oppression. She kissed little Meta, pressed the house-wife's hand, and nodded to Herr Schwarzkopf when he said, &#8220;Well, you won't forget us, little Miss, will you? And no bad feeling, eh? And a safe journey and best greetings to your honoured Father and the Frau Consul.&#8221; Then the coach door slammed, the fat brown horses pulled at their traces, and the three Schwarzkopfs waved their handkerchiefs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony crooked her neck in the corner of the coach, in order to peer out of the window. The sky was covered with white cloud-flakes; the Trave broke into little waves that hurried before the wind. Now and then drops of rain pattered against the glass. At the end of the front people sat in the doors of their cottages and mended nets; barefoot children came running to look curiously at the carriage. &lt;i&gt;They&lt;/i&gt; did not have to go away!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As they left the last houses behind, Tony bent forward to look at the light-house; then she leaned back and closed her tired and burning eyes. She had hardly slept for excitement. She had risen early to finish her packing, and discovered no desire for breakfast. There was a dull taste in her mouth, and she felt so weak that she made no effort to dry the slow, hot tears that kept rising every minute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But directly her eyes were shut, she found herself again in Travem&#252;nde, on the verandah. She saw Morten in the flesh before her; he seemed to speak and to lean toward her as he always did, and then look good-naturedly and searchingly at the next person, unconsciously showing his beautiful teeth as he smiled. Slowly her mind grew calm and peaceful again. She recalled everything that she had heard and learned from him in many a talk, and it solaced her to promise herself that she would preserve all this as a secret holy and inviolate and cherish it in her heart. That the King of Prussia had committed a great wrong against his people; that the local newspaper was a lamentable sheet; yes, that the laws of the League concerning universities had been renewed four years ago&#8212;all these were from now on consoling and edifying truths, a hidden treasure which she might store up within herself and contemplate whenever she chose. On the street, in the family circle, at the table she would think of them. Who knew? Perhaps she might even go on in the path prescribed for her and marry Herr Gr&#252;nlich&#8212;that was a detail, after all&#8212;but when he spoke to her she could always say to herself, &#8220;I know something you don't: the nobility is in principle despicable.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She smiled to herself and was assuaged. But suddenly, in the noise of the wheels, she heard Morten's voice with miraculous clearness. She distinguished every nuance of his kindly, dragging speech as he said: &#8220;To-day we must both &#8216;sit on the rocks,' Fr&#228;ulein Tony,&#8221; and this little memory overpowered her. Her breast contracted with her grief, and she let the tears flow down unopposed. Bowed in her corner, she held her handkerchief before her face and wept bitterly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas, his cigarette in his mouth, looked somewhat blankly at the high-road. &#8220;Poor Tony,&#8221; he said at last, stroking her jacket. &#8220;I feel so sorry&#8212;I understand so well, you know. But what can you do? One has to bear these things. Believe me, I do understand what you feel.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, you don't understand at all, Tom,&#8221; sobbed Tony.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't say that. Did you know it is decided that I am to go to Amsterdam at the beginning of next year? Papa has obtained a place for me with van der Kellen and Company. That means I must say good-bye for a long, long time.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Tom! Saying good-bye to your father and mother and sisters and brothers&#8212;that isn't anything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ye-es,&#8221; he said, slowly. He sighed, as if he did not wish to say more, and was silent. He let the cigarette rove from one corner of his mouth to the other, lifted one eyebrow, and turned his head away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, it doesn't last for ever,&#8221; he began again after a while. &#8220;Naturally one forgets.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I don't want to forget,&#8221; Tony cried out in desperation. &#8220;Forgetting&#8212;is that any consolation?&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER XIII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Then came the ferry, and Israelsdorf Avenue, Jerusalem Hill, the Castle Field. The wagon passed the Castle Gate, with the walls of the prison rising on the right, and rolled along Castle Street and over the Koberg. Tony looked at the grey gables, the oil lamps hung across the streets, Holy Ghost Hospital with the already almost bare lindens in front of it. Oh, how everything was exactly as it had been! It had been standing here, in immovable dignity, while she had thought of it as a dream worthy only to be forgotten. These grey gables were the old, the accustomed, the traditional, to which she was returning, in the midst of which she must live. She wept no more. She looked about curiously. The pain of parting was almost dulled at the sight of these well-known streets and faces. At that moment&#8212;the wagon was rolling through Broad Street&#8212;the porter Matthiesen passed and took off his stove-pipe hat so obsequiously that it seemed he must be thinking, &#8220;Bow, you dog of a porter&#8212;you can't bow low enough.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The equipage turned into the Mengstrasse, and the fat brown horses stood snorting and stamping before the Buddenbrook door. Tom was very attentive in helping his sister out, while Anton and Line hastened up to unfasten the trunk. But they had to wait before they could enter the house. Three great lorries were being driven through, one close behind another, piled high with full corn sacks, with the firm name written on them in big black letters. They jolted along over the great boards and down the shallow steps to the cart-yard with a heavy rumbling noise. Part of the corn was evidently to be unloaded at the back of the house and the rest taken to the &#8220;Walrus,&#8221; the &#8220;Lion,&#8221; or the &#8220;Oak.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul came out of the office with his pen behind his ear as the brother and sister reached the entry, and stretched out his arms to his daughter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Welcome home, my dear Tony!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She kissed him, looking a little shame-faced, her eyes still red with weeping. But he was very tactful; he made no allusions; he only said: &#8220;It is late, but we waited with the second breakfast.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul, Christian, Clothilde, Clara, and Ida Jungmann stood above on the landing to greet her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony slept soundly and well the first night in Mengstrasse. She rose the next morning, the twenty-second of September, refreshed and calmed, and went down into the breakfast-room. It was still quite early, hardly seven o'clock. Only Mamsell Jungmann was there, making the morning coffee.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, well, Tony, my little child,&#8221; she said, looking round with her small, blinking brown eyes. &#8220;Up so early?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony sat down at the open desk, clasped her hands behind her head, and looked for a while at the pavement of the court, gleaming black with wet, and at the damp, yellow garden. Then she began to rummage curiously among the visiting-cards and letters on the desk. Close by the inkstand lay the well-known large copy-book with the stamped cover, gilt edges, and leaves of various qualities and colours. It must have been used the evening before, and it was strange that Papa had not put it back in its leather portfolio and laid it in its special drawer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She took it and turned over the pages, began to read, and became absorbed. What she read were mostly simple facts well-known to her; but each successive writer had followed his predecessor in a stately but simple chronicle style which was no bad mirror of the family attitude, its modest but honourable self-respect, and its reverence for tradition and history. The book was not new to Tony; she had sometimes been allowed to read in it. But its contents had never made the impression upon her that they did this morning. She was thrilled by the reverent particularity with which the simplest facts pertinent to the family were here treated. She propped herself on her elbows and read with growing absorption, seriousness and pride.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No point in her own tiny past was lacking. Her birth, her childish illnesses, her first school, her boarding-school days at Mademoiselle Weichbrodt's, her confirmation&#8212;everything was carefully entered, with an almost reverent observation of facts, in the Consul's small, flowing business hand; for was not the least of them the will and work of God, who wonderfully guided the destinies of the family? What, she mused, would there be entered here in the future after her name, which she had received from her grandmother Antoinette? All that was yet to be written there would be conned by later members of the family with a piety equal to her own.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She leaned back sighing; her heart beat solemnly. She was filled with reverence for herself: the familiar feeling of personal importance possessed her, heightened by all she had been reading. She felt thrilled and shuddery. &#8220;Like a link in a chain,&#8221; Papa had written. Yes, yes. She was important precisely as a link in this chain. Such was her significance and her responsibility, such her task: to share by deed and word in the history of her family.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She turned back to the end of the great volume, where on a rough folio page was entered the genealogy of the whole Buddenbrook family, with parentheses and rubrics, indicated in the Consul's hand, and all the dates set down: from the marriage of the earliest scion of the family with Brigitta Schuren, the pastor's daughter, down to the wedding of Consul Johann Buddenbrook with Elizabeth Kr&#246;ger in 1825. From this marriage, it said, four children had resulted: whereupon these were all entered, with the days and years of their birth, and their baptismal names, one after another. Under that of the eldest son it was recorded that he had entered as apprentice in his father's business in the Easter of 1842.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony looked a long time at her name and at the blank space next it. Then, suddenly, with a jerk, with a nervous, feverish accompaniment of sobbing breaths and quick-moving lips&#8212;she clutched the pen, plunged it rather than dipped it into the ink, and wrote, with her forefinger crooked, her hot head bent far over on her shoulder, in her awkward handwriting that climbed up the page from left to right: &#8220;Betrothed, on Sept. 22, 1845, to Herr Bendix Gr&#252;nlich, Merchant, of Hamburg.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER XIV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;I entirely agree with you, my good friend. This important matter must be settled. In short, then: the usual dowry of a young girl of our family is seventy thousand marks.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich cast at his future father-in-law a shrewd, calculating glance&#8212;the glance of the genuine man of business.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As a matter of fact,&#8221; he said&#8212;and this &#8220;matter of fact&#8221; was of precisely the same length as his left-hand whisker, which he was drawing reflectively through his fingers; he let go of the end just as &#8220;of fact&#8221; was finished.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know, my honoured father,&#8221; he began again, &#8220;the deep respect I have for traditions and principles. Only&#8212;in the present case is not this consideration for the tradition a little exaggerated? A business increases&#8212;a family prospers&#8212;in short, conditions change and improve.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My good friend,&#8221; said the Consul, &#8220;you see in me a fair-dealing merchant. You have not let me finish, or you would have heard that I am ready and willing to meet you in the circumstances, and add ten thousand marks to the seventy thousand without more ado.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Eighty thousand, then,&#8221; said Herr Gr&#252;nlich, making motions with his mouth, as though to say: &#8220;Not &lt;i&gt;too&lt;/i&gt; much; but it will do.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus they came to an affectionate settlement; the Consul jingled his keys like a man satisfied as he got up. And, in fact, his satisfaction was justified; for it was only with the eighty thousand marks that they had arrived at the dowry traditional in the family.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich now said good-bye and departed for Hamburg. Tony as yet realized but little of her new estate. She still went to dances at the M&#246;llendorpfs', Kistenmakers', and Langhals', and in her own home; she skated on the Burgfield and the meadows of the Trave, and permitted the attentions of the young gentlemen of the town. In the middle of October she went to the betrothal feast at the M&#246;llendorpfs' for the oldest son of the house and Juliet Hagenstr&#246;m. &#8220;Tom,&#8221; she said, &#8220;I won't go. It is disgusting.&#8221; But she went, and enjoyed herself hugely. And, as for the rest, by the entry with the pen in the family history-book, she had won the privilege of going, with the Frau Consul or alone, into all the shops in town and making purchases in a grand style for her trousseau. It was to be a brilliant trousseau. Two seamstresses sat all day in the breakfast-room window, sewing, embroidering monograms, and eating quantities of house-bread and green cheese.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is the linen come from Lentf&#246;hr, Mamma?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, but here are two dozen tea-serviettes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is nice. But he promised it by this afternoon. My goodness, the sheets still have to be hemmed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamsell Bitterlich wants to know about the lace for the pillow-cases, Ida.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is in the right-hand cupboard in the entry, Tony, my child.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Line&#8212;!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You could go yourself, my dear.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, if I'm marrying for the privilege of running up and down stairs&#8212;!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you made up your mind yet about the material for the wedding-dress, Tony?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Moir&#233; antique, Mamma&#8212;I won't marry without moir&#233; antique!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So passed October and November. At Christmas time Herr Gr&#252;nlich appeared, to spend Christmas in the Buddenbrook family circle and also to take part in the celebration at the Kr&#246;gers'. His conduct toward his bride showed all the delicacy one would have expected from him. No unnecessary formality, no importunity, no tactless tenderness. A light, discreet kiss upon the forehead, in the presence of the parents, sealed the betrothal. Tony sometimes puzzled over this, the least in the world. Why, she wondered, did his present happiness seem not quite commensurate with the despair into which her refusal had thrown him? He regarded her with the air of a satisfied possessor. Now and then, indeed, if they happened to be alone, a jesting and teasing mood seemed to overcome him; once he attempted to fall on his knees and approach his whiskers to her face, while he asked in a voice apparently trembling with joy, &#8220;Have I indeed captured you? Have I won you for my own?&#8221; To which Tony answered, &#8220;You are forgetting yourself,&#8221; and got away with all possible speed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Soon after the holidays Herr Gr&#252;nlich went back to Hamburg, for his flourishing business demanded his personal attention; and the Buddenbrooks agreed with him that Tony had had time enough before the betrothal to make his acquaintance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The question of a house was quickly arranged. Tony, who looked forward extravagantly to life in a large city, had expressed the wish to settle in Hamburg itself, and indeed in the Spitalstrasse, where Herr Gr&#252;nlich's office was. But the bridegroom, by manly persistence, won her over to the purchase of a villa outside the city, near Eimsb&#252;ttel, a romantic and retired spot, an ideal nest for a newly-wedded pair&#8212;&#8220;procul negotiis.&#8221;&#8212;Ah, he had not yet forgotten quite all his Latin!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus December passed, and at the beginning of the year '46 the wedding was celebrated. There was a splendid wedding feast, to which half the town was bidden. Tony's friends&#8212;among them Armgard von Schilling, who arrived in a towering coach&#8212;danced with Tom's and Christian's friends, among them Andreas Gieseke, son of the Fire Commissioner and now &lt;i&gt;studiosus juris&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb12&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;studiosus juris &#8211; student of law&#034; id=&#034;nh12&#034;&gt;12&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;; also Stephan and Edward Kistenmacher, of Kistenmacher and Son. They danced in the dining-room and the hall, which had been strewn with talc for the occasion. Among the liveliest of the lively was Consul Peter D&#246;hlmann; he got hold of all the earthenware crocks he could find and broke them on the flags of the big passage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Stuht from Bell-Founders' Street had another opportunity to mingle in the society of the great; for it was she who helped Mamsell Jungmann and the two seamstresses to adjust Tony's toilette on the great day. She had, as God was her judge, never seen a more beautiful bride. Fat as she was, she went on her knees; and, with her eyes rolled up in admiration, fastened the myrtle twigs on the white moir&#233; antique. This was in the breakfast-room. Herr Gr&#252;nlich, in his long-skirted frock-coat and silk waistcoat, waited at the door. His rosy face had a correct and serious expression, his wart was powdered, and his gold-yellow whiskers carefully curled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Above in the hall, where the marriage was to take place, the family gathered&#8212;a stately assemblage. There sat the old Kr&#246;gers, a little ailing both of them, but distinguished figures always. There was Consul Kr&#246;ger with his sons J&#252;rgen and Jacob, the latter having come from Hamburg, like the Duchamps. There were Gottfried Buddenbrook and his wife, born St&#252;wing, with their three offspring, Friederike, Henriette, and Pfiffi, none of whom was, unfortunately, likely to marry. There was the Mecklenburg branch, represented by Clothilde's father, Herr Bernhard Buddenbrook, who had come in from Thankless and looked with large eyes at the seignorial house of his rich relations. The relatives from Frankfort had contented themselves with sending presents; the journey was too arduous. In their place were the only guests not members of the family. Dr. Grabow, the family physician, and Mlle. Weichbrodt, Tony's motherly friend&#8212;Sesemi Weichbrodt, with fresh ribbons on her cap over the side-curls, and a little black dress. &#8220;Be happy, you good child,&#8221; she said, when Tony appeared at Herr Gr&#252;nlich's side in the hall. She reached up and kissed her with a little explosion on the forehead. The family was satisfied with the bride: Tony looked pretty, gay, and at her ease, if a little pale from excitement and tension.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The hall had been decorated with flowers and an altar arranged on the right side. Pastor K&#246;lling of St. Mary's performed the service, and laid special stress upon moderation. Everything went according to custom and arrangement, Tony brought out a hearty yes, and Herr Gr&#252;nlich gave his little ahem, beforehand, to clear his throat. Afterward, everybody ate long and well.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
While the guests continued to eat in the salon, with the pastor in their midst, the Consul and his wife accompanied the young pair, who had dressed for their journey, out into the snowy, misty air, where the great travelling coach stood before the door, packed with boxes and bags.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After Tony had expressed many times her conviction that she should soon be back again on a visit, and that they too would not delay long to come to Hamburg to see her, she climbed in good spirits into the coach and let herself be carefully wrapped up by the Consul in the warm fur rug. Her husband took his place by her side.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And, Gr&#252;nlich,&#8221; said the Consul, &#8220;the new laces are in the small satchel, on top. You take a little in under your overcoat, don't you? This excise&#8212;one has to get around it the best one can. Farewell, farewell! Farewell, dear Tony. God bless you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You will find good accommodation in Arensburg, won't you?&#8221; asked the Frau Consul. &#8220;Already reserved, my dear Mamma,&#8221; answered Herr Gr&#252;nlich.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anton, Line, Trine, and Sophie took leave of Ma'am Gr&#252;nlich. The coach door was about to be slammed, when Tony was overtaken by a sudden impulse. Despite all the trouble it took, she unwound herself again from her wrappings, climbed ruthlessly over Herr Gr&#252;nlich, who began to grumble, and embraced her Father with passion. &#8220;Adieu, Papa, adieu, my good Papa.&#8221; And then she whispered softly: &#8220;Are you satisfied with me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul pressed her without words to his heart, then put her from him and shook her hands with deep feeling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now everything was ready. The coach door slammed, the coachman cracked his whip, the horses dashed away so that the coach windows rattled; the Frau Consul let fly her little white handkerchief; and the carriage, rolling down the street, disappeared in the mist.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul stood thoughtfully next to his wife, who drew her cloak about her shoulders with a graceful movement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There she goes, Betsy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Jean, the first to leave us. Do you think she is happy with him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Betsy, she is satisfied with herself, which is better; it is the most solid happiness we can have on this earth.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They went back to their guests.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER XV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Thomas Buddenbrook went down Meng Street as far as the &#8220;Five Houses.&#8221; He avoided Broad Street so as not to be accosted by acquaintances and obliged to greet them. With his hands deep in the big pockets of his warm dark grey overcoat, he walked, sunk in thought, over the hard, sparkling snow, which crunched under his boots. He went his own way, and whither it led no one knew but himself. The sky was pale blue and clear, the air biting and crisp&#8212;a still, severe, clear weather, with five degrees of frost; in short, a matchless February day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas walked down the &#8220;Five Houses,&#8221; crossed Bakers' Alley, and went along a narrow cross-street into Fishers' Lane. He followed this street, which led down to the Trave parallel to Meng Street, for a few steps, and paused before a small house, a modest flower-shop, with a narrow door and dingy show-window, where a few pots of onions stood on a pane of green glass.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He went in, whereupon the bell above the door began to give tongue, like a little watch-dog. Within, before the counter, talking to the young saleswoman, was a little fat elderly lady in a Turkey shawl. She was choosing a pot of flowers, examining, smelling, criticizing, chattering, and constantly obliged to wipe her mouth with her handkerchief. Thomas Buddenbrook greeted her politely and stepped to one side. She was a poor relation of the Langhals', a good-natured garrulous old maid who bore the name of one of the best families without herself belonging to their set: that is, she was not asked to the large dinners, but to the small coffee circles. She was known to almost all the world as Aunt Lottchen. She turned toward the door, with her pot of flowers, wrapped up in tissue paper, under her arm; and Thomas, after greeting her again, said in an elevated voice to the shop girl, &#8220;Give me a couple of roses, please. Never mind the kind&#8212;well, La France.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then, after Aunt Lottchen had shut the door behind her and gone away, he said in a lower voice, &#8220;Put them away again, Anna. How are you, little Anna? Here I am&#8212;and I've come with a heavy heart.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna wore a white apron over her simple black frock. She was wonderfully pretty. Delicately built as a fawn, she had an almost mongol type of face, somewhat prominent cheek-bones, narrow black eyes full of a soft gleam, and a pale yellow skin the like of which is rare anywhere. Her hands, of the same tint, were narrow, and more beautiful than a shop girl's are wont to be.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She went behind the counter at the right end, so that she could not be seen through the shop-window. Thomas followed on the outside of the counter and, bending over, kissed her on the lips and the eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are quite frozen, poor boy,&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Five degrees,&#8221; said Tom. &#8220;I didn't notice it, I've felt so sad coming over.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sat down on the table, keeping her hand in his, and went on: &#8220;Listen, Anna; we'll be sensible to-day, won't we? The time has come.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, dear,&#8221; she said miserably, and lifted her apron to her eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It had to happen sometime, Anna. No, don't weep. We were going to be reasonable, weren't we? What else is there to do? One has to bear such things.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When?&#8221; asked Anna, sobbing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Day after to-morrow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, God, no! Why to-morrow? A week longer&#8212;five days! Please, oh, please!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Impossible, dear Anna. Everything is arranged and in order. They are expecting me in Amsterdam. I couldn't make it a day longer, no matter how much I wanted.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And that is so far away&#8212;so far away!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Amsterdam? Nonsense, that isn't far. We can always think of each other, can't we? And I'll write to you. You'll see, I'll write directly I've got there.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you remember,&#8221; she said, &#8220;a year and a half ago, at the Rifle-club fair?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He interrupted her ardently. &#8220;Do I remember? Yes, a year and a half ago! I took you for an Italian. I bought a pink and put it in my button-hole.&#8212;I still have it&#8212;I am taking it with me to Amsterdam.&#8212;What a heat: how hot and dusty it was on the meadow!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, you bought me a glass of lemonade from the next booth. I remember it like yesterday. Everything smelled of fatty-cakes and people.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But it was fine! We knew right away how we felt&#8212;about each other!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You wanted to take me on the carroussel, but I couldn't go; I had to be in the shop. The old woman would have scolded.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I know it wouldn't have done, Anna.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She said softly and clearly, &#8220;But that is the only thing I've refused you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He kissed her again, on the lips and the eyes. &#8220;Adieu, darling little Anna. We must begin to say good-bye.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, you will come back to-morrow?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, of course, and day after to-morrow early, if I can get away.&#8212;But there is one thing I want to say to you, Anna. I am going, after all, rather far away. Amsterdam &lt;i&gt;is&lt;/i&gt; a long way off&#8212;and you are staying here. But&#8212;don't throw yourself away, I tell you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She wept into her apron, holding it up with her free hand to her face. &#8220;And you&#8212;and you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God knows, Anna, what will happen. One isn't young for ever&#8212;you are a sensible girl, you have never said anything about marriage and that sort of thing&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God forbid&#8212;that I should ask such a thing of you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One is carried along&#8212;you see. If I live, I shall take over the business, and make a good match&#8212;you see, I am open with you at parting, Anna. I wish you every happiness, darling, darling little Anna. But don't throw yourself away, do you hear? For you haven't done that&#8212;with me&#8212;I swear it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was warm in the shop. A moist scent of earth and flowers was in the air. Outside, the winter sun was hurrying to its repose, and a pure delicate sunset, like one painted on porcelain, beautified the sky across the river. People hurried past the window, their chins tucked into their turned-up collars; no one gave a glance into the corner of the little flower-shop, at the two who stood there saying their last farewells.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTFOUR&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART FOUR&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;April 30, 1846&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My dear Mamma,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A thousand thanks for your letter, in which you tell me of Armgard von Schilling's betrothal to Herr von Maiboom of P&#246;ppenrade. Armgard herself sent me an invitation (very fine, with a gilt edge), and also a letter in which she expresses herself as enchanted with her bridegroom. He sounds like a very handsome and refined man. How happy she must be! Everybody is getting married. I have had a card from Munich too, from Eva Ewers. I hear she's getting a director of a brewery.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now I must ask you something, dearest Mamma: Why do I hear nothing of a visit from the Buddenbrooks? Are you waiting for an official invitation from Gr&#252;nlich? If so, it isn't necessary; and besides, when I remind him to ask you, he says, &#8220;Yes, yes, child, your Father has something else to do.&#8221; Or do you think you would be disturbing me? Oh, dear me, no; quite the contrary! Perhaps you think you would make me homesick again? But don't you know I am a reasonable woman, already middle-aged and experienced?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I've just been to coffee at Madame K&#228;selau's, a neighbour of mine. They are pleasant people, and our left-hand neighbours, the Gussmanns (but there is a good deal of space between the houses) are sociable people too. We have two friends who are at the house a good deal, both of whom live out here: Doctor Klaasen, of whom I must tell you more later, and Kesselmeyer, the banker, Gr&#252;nlich's intimate friend. You don't know what a funny old man he is. He has a stubbly white beard and thin black and white hair on his head, that looks like down and waves in the breeze. He makes funny motions with his head, like a bird, and talks all the time, so I call him the magpie, but Gr&#252;nlich has forbidden me to say that, because magpies steal, and Herr Kesselmeyer is an honourable man. He stoops when he walks, and rows along with his arms. His fuzz only reaches half-way down his head in the back, and from there on his neck is all red and seamy. There is something so awfully sprightly about him! Sometimes he pats me on the cheek and says, &#8220;You good little wifey! what a blessing for Gr&#252;nlich that he has got you.&#8221; Then he takes out his eye-glasses (he always wears three of them, on long cords, that are forever getting tangled up in his white waistcoat) and sticks them on his nose, which he wrinkles up to make them stop on, and looks at me with his mouth open, until I have to laugh, right in his face. But he takes no offence at that.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gr&#252;nlich is very busy; he drives into town in the morning in our little yellow wagon and often does not come back till late. Sometimes he sits down with me and reads the paper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When we go into society&#8212;for example, to Kesselmeyer's, or to Consul Goudstikker on the Alster Dam, or Senator Bock in City Hall Street&#8212;we have to take a hired coach. I have begged Gr&#252;nlich again and again to get a coup&#233;, for it is really a necessity out here. He has half promised, but, strange to say, he does not like to go into society with me and is evidently displeased when I visit people in the town. Do you suppose he is jealous?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Our villa, which I've already described to you in detail, dear Mamma, is really very pretty, and is much prettier by reason of the new furnishings. You could not find a flaw in the upstairs sitting-room&#8212;all in brown silk. The dining-room next is prettily wainscoted. The chairs cost twenty-five marks apiece. I sit in the &#8220;pens&#233;e-room,&#8221; which we use as a sitting-room. There is also a little room for smoking and playing cards. The salon, which takes up the whole other half of the parterre, has new yellow blinds now and looks very well. Above are the bed, bath, and dressing-rooms and the servants' quarters. We have a little groom for the yellow wagon. I am fairly well satisfied with the two maidservants. I am not sure they are quite honest, but thank God I don't have to look after every kreuzer. In short, everything is really worthy of the family and the firm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And now, dear Mamma, comes the most important part of my letter, which I have kept till the last. A while ago I was feeling rather queer&#8212;not exactly ill and yet not quite well. I told Dr. Klaasen about it when I had the chance. He is a little bit of a man with a big head and a still bigger hat. He carries a cane with a flat round handle made of a piece of bone, and walks with it pressed against his whiskers, which are almost light-green from being dyed so many years. Well, you should have seen him! he did not answer my questions at all, but jerked his eye-glasses, twinkled his little eyes, wrinkled his nose at me&#8212;it looks like a potato&#8212;snickered, giggled, and stared so impertinently that I did not know what to do. Then he examined me, and said everything was going on well, only I must drink mineral water, because I am perhaps a little an&#230;mic. Oh, Mamma, do tell Papa about it, so he can put it in the family book. I will write you again as soon as possible, you may be sure.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Give my love to Papa, Christian, Clara, Clothilde and Ida Jungmann. I wrote to Thomas just lately.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Your dutiful daughter,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Antonie.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;August 2, 1846&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My dear Thomas,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I have read with pleasure the news of your meeting with Christian in Amsterdam. It must have been a happy few days for both of you. I have no word as yet of your brother's further journey to England via Ostende, but I hope that with God's mercy it has been safely accomplished. It may not be too late, since Christian has decided to give up a professional career, for him to learn much that is valuable from his chief, Mr. Richardson; may he prosper and find blessing in the mercantile line! Mr. Richardson, Threadneedle Street, is, as you know, a close business friend of our house; I consider myself lucky to have placed both my sons with such friendly-disposed firms. You are now experiencing the good result of such a policy; and I feel profound satisfaction that Herr van der Kellen has already raised your salary in the quarter of a year you have been with him, and that he will continue to give you advancement. I am convinced that you have shown and will continue to show yourself, by your industry and good behaviour, worthy of these favours.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I regret to hear that your health is not so good as it should be. What you write me of nervousness reminds me of my own youth, when I was working in Antwerp and had to go to Ems to take a cure. If anything of the sort seems best for you, my son, I am ready to encourage you with advice and assistance, although I am avoiding such expense for the rest of us in these times of political unrest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
However, your Mother and I took a trip to Hamburg in the middle of June to visit your sister Tony. Her husband had not invited us, but he received us with the greatest cordiality and devoted himself to us so entirely during the two days of our visit, that he neglected his business and hardly left me time for a visit to Duchamps in the town. Antonie is in her fifth month, and her physician assures her that everything is going on in a normal and satisfactory way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I have still to mention a letter from Herr van der Kellen, from which I was pleased to learn that you are a favoured guest in his family circle. You are now, my son, at an age to begin to harvest the fruits of the upbringing your parents gave you. It may be helpful to you if I tell you that at your age, both in Antwerp and Bergen, I formed a habit of making myself useful and agreeable to my principals; and this was of the greatest service to me. Aside from the honour of association with the family of the head of the firm, one acquires an advocate in the person of the principal's wife; and she may prove invaluable in the undesirable contingency of an oversight at the office or the dissatisfaction of your chief for some slight cause or other.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As regards your business plans for the future, my son, I rejoice in the lively interest they indicate, without being able entirely to agree with them. You start with the idea that the market for our native products&#8212;for instance, grain, rapeseed, hides and skins, wool, oil, oil-cake, bones, etc.&#8212;is our chief concern; and you think it would be of advantage for you to turn yourself to the commission branch of the business. I once occupied myself with these ideas, at a time when the competition was small (it has since distinctly increased), and I made some experiments in them. My journey to England had for its chief purpose to look out connections there for my undertakings. To this end I went as far as Scotland, and made many valuable acquaintances; but I soon recognized the precarious nature of an export trade hither, and decided to discourage further expansion in that direction. Thus I kept in mind the warning of our forefather, the founder of the firm, which he bequeathed to us, his descendants: &#8220;My son, attend with zeal to thy business by day, but do none that hinders thee from thy sleep at night.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This principle I intend to keep sacred, now as in the past, though one is sometimes forced to entertain a doubt, on contemplating the operations of people who seem to get on better without it. I am thinking of Strunk and Hagenstr&#246;m, who have made such notable progress while our own business seems almost at a stand-still. You know that the house has not enlarged its business since the set-back consequent upon the death of your grandfather; and I pray to God that I shall be able to turn over the business to you in its present state. I have an experienced and cautious adviser in our head clerk Marcus. If only your Mother's family would hang on to their groschen a little better! The inheritance is a matter of real importance for us.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I am unusually full of business and civic work. I have been made alderman of the Board of the Bergen Line; also city deputy for the Finance Department, the Chamber of Commerce, the Auditing Commission, and the Almshouse of St. Anne, one after the other.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Your Mother, Clara and Clothilde send greetings. Also several gentlemen&#8212;Senator M&#246;llendorpf, Doctor &#214;verdieck, Consul Kistenmaker, Gosch the broker, C. F. K&#246;ppen, and Herr Marcus in the office, have asked to be remembered. God's blessing on you, my dear son. Work, pray, and save.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;With affectionate regards,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Your Father.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;October 8, 1846&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Dear and honoured Parents,&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The undersigned is overjoyed to be able to advise you of the happy &lt;i&gt;accouchement&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb13&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;accouchement &#8211; birth&#034; id=&#034;nh13&#034;&gt;13&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, half an hour ago, of your daughter, my beloved wife Antonie. It is, by God's will, a daughter; I can find no words to express my joyful emotion. The health of the dear patient, as well as of the infant, is unexceptionable. Dr. Klaasen is entirely satisfied with the way things have gone; and Frau Grossgeorgis, the midwife, says it was simply nothing at all. Excitement obliges me to lay down my pen. I commend myself to my worthy parents with the most respectful affection.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
B. Gr&#252;nlich.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;If it had been a boy, I had a very pretty name. As it is, I wanted to name her Meta, but Gr&#252;nlich is for Erica.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;What is the matter, Betsy?&#8221; said the Consul, as he came to the table and lifted up the plate with which his soup was covered. &#8220;Aren't you well? You don't look just right to me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The round table in the great dining-room was grown very small. Around it there gathered in these days, besides the parents, only little Clara, now ten years old, Mamsell Jungmann, and Clothilde, as humble, lean, and hungry as ever. The Consul looked about him: every face was long and gloomy. What had happened? He himself was troubled and anxious; for the Bourse was unsteady, owing to this complicated Schleswig-Holstein affair. And still another source of disquiet was in the air; when Anton had gone to fetch in the meat course, the Consul heard what had happened. Trina, the cook, who had never before been anything but loyal and dutiful to her mistress, had suddenly shown clear signs of revolt. To the Frau Consul's great vexation, she had been maintaining relations&#8212;a sort of spiritual affinity, it seemed&#8212;with the butcher's apprentice; and that man of blood must have influenced her political views in a most regrettable way. The Consul's wife had addressed some reproach to her in the matter of an unsuccessful sauce, and she had put her naked arms akimbo and delivered herself as follows: &#8220;You jus' wait, Frau Consul; 'tain' goin' t' be much longer&#8212;there'll come another order inter the world. 'N' then &lt;i&gt;I'll&lt;/i&gt; be sittin' on the sofa in a silk gownd, an' you'll be servin' me.&#8221; Naturally, she received summary notice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul shook his head. He himself had had similar troubles. The old porters and labourers were of course respectful enough, and had no notions in their heads; but several here and there among the young ones had shown by their bearing that the new spirit of revolt had entered into them. In the spring there had been a street riot, although a constitution corresponding to the demands of the new time had already been drafted; which, a little later, despite the opposition of Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger and other stubborn old gentlemen, became law by a decree of the Senate. The citizens met together and representatives of the people were elected. But there was no rest. The world was upside down. Every one wanted to revise the constitution and the franchise, and the citizens grumbled. &#8220;Voting by estates,&#8221; said some&#8212;Consul Johann Buddenbrook among them. &#8220;Universal franchise,&#8221; said the others; Heinrich Hagenstr&#246;m was one of these. Still others cried &#8220;Universal voting by estates&#8221;&#8212;and dear knew what they meant by that! All sorts of ideas were in the air; for instance, the abolition of disabilities and the general extension of the rights of citizenship&#8212;even to non-Christians! No wonder Buddenbrook's Trina had imbibed such ideas about sofas and silk gowns! Oh, there was worse to come! Things threatened to take a fearful turn.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was an early October day of the year 1848. The sky was blue, with a few light floating clouds in it, silvered by the rays of the sun, the strength of which was indeed not so great but that the stove was already going, behind the polished screen in the landscape-room. Little Clara, whose hair had grown darker and whose eyes had a rather severe expression, sat with some embroidery before the sewing-table, while Clothilde, busy likewise with her needlework, had the sofa-place near the Frau Consul. Although Clothilde Buddenbrook was not much older than her married cousin&#8212;that is to say, only twenty-one years&#8212;her long face already showed pronounced lines; and with her smooth hair, which had never been blond, but always a dull greyish colour, she presented an ideal portrait of a typical old maid. But she was content; she did nothing to alter her condition. Perhaps she thought it best to grow old early and thus to make a quick end of all doubts and hopes. As she did not own a single sou, she knew that she would find nobody in all the wide world to marry her, and she looked with humility into her future, which would surely consist of consuming a tiny income in some tiny room which her influential uncle would procure for her out of the funds of some charitable establishment for maidens of good family.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul's wife was busy reading two letters. Tony related the good progress of the little Erica, and Christian wrote eagerly of his life and doings in London. He did not give any details of his industry with Mr. Richardson of Threadneedle Street. The Frau Consul, who was approaching the middle forties, complained bitterly of the tendency of blond women to grow old too soon. The delicate tint which corresponded to her reddish hair had grown dulled despite all cosmetics; and the hair itself began relentlessly to grey, or would have done so but for a Parisian tincture of which the Frau Consul had the receipt. She was determined never to grow white. When the dye would no longer perform its office, she would wear a blond wig. On top of her still artistic coiffure was a silk scarf bordered with white lace, the beginning, the first adumbration of a cap. Her silk frock was wide and flowing, its bell-shaped sleeves lined with the softest mull. A pair of gold circlets tinkled as usual on her wrist.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was three o'clock in the afternoon. Suddenly there was a noise of running and shouting: a sort of insolent hooting and cat-calling, the stamping of feet on the pavement, a hubbub that grew louder and came nearer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is that noise, Mamma?&#8221; said Clara, looking out of the window and into the gossip's glass. &#8220;Look at the people! What is the matter with them? What are they so pleased about?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My God!&#8221; shouted the Frau Consul, throwing down her letters and springing to the window. &#8220;Is it&#8212;? My God, it is the Revolution! It is the people!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The truth was that the town had been the whole day in a state of unrest. In the morning the windows of Benthien the draper's shop in Broad Street had been broken by stones&#8212;although God knew what the owner had to do with politics!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anton,&#8221; the Consul's wife called with a trembling voice into the dining-room, where the servants were bustling about with the silver. &#8220;Anton! Go below! Shut the outside doors. Make everything fast. It is a mob.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Frau Consul,&#8221; said Anton. &#8220;Is it safe for me to do that? I am a servant. If they see my livery&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What wicked people,&#8221; Clothilde drawled without putting down her work. Just then the Consul crossed the entrance hall and came in through the glass door. He carried his coat over his arm and his hat in his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are going out, Jean?&#8221; asked the Frau Consul in great excitement and trepidation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, my dear, I must go to the meeting.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But the mob, Jean, the Revolution&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, dear me, Betsy, it isn't so serious as that! We are in God's hand. They have gone past the house already. I'll go down the back way.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Jean, if you love me&#8212;do you want to expose yourself to this danger? Will you leave us here unprotected? I am afraid, I tell you&#8212;I am afraid.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear, I beg of you, don't work yourself up like this. They will only make a bit of a row in front of the Town Hall or in the market. It may cost the government a few window-panes&#8212;but that's all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where are you going, Jean?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To the Assembly. I am late already. I was detained by business. It would be a shame not to be there to-day. Do you think your Father is stepping away, old as he is?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then go, in God's name, Jean. But be careful, I beg of you. And keep an eye on my Father. If anything hit him&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly, my dear.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When will you be back?&#8221; the Frau Consul called after him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, about half-past four or five o'clock. Depends. There is a good deal of importance on the agenda, so I can't exactly tell.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I'm frightened, I'm frightened,&#8221; repeated the Frau Consul, walking up and down restlessly.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Consul Buddenbrook crossed his spacious ground floor in haste. Coming out into Bakers' Alley, he heard steps behind him and saw Gosch the broker, a picturesque figure in his long cloak and Jesuit hat, also climbing the narrow street to the meeting. He lifted his hat with one thin long hand, and with the other made a deferential gesture, as he said, &#8220;Well, Herr Consul&#8212;how are you?&#8221; His voice sounded sinister.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This broker, Siegismund Gosch, a bachelor of some forty years, was, despite his demeanour, the best and most honest soul in the world; but he was a wit and an oddity. His smooth-shaven face was distinguished by a Roman nose, a protruding pointed chin, sharp features, and a wide mouth drooping at the corners, whose narrow lips he was in the habit of pressing together in the most taciturn and forbidding manner. His grey hair fell thick and sombre over his brow, and he actually regretted not being humpbacked. It was his whim to assume the r&#244;le of a wild, witty, and reckless intrigant&#8212;a cross between Mephistopheles and Napoleon, something very malevolent and yet fascinating too; and he was not entirely unsuccessful in his pose. He was a strange yet attractive figure among the citizens of the old city; still, he belonged among them, for he carried on a small brokerage business in the most modest, respectable sort of way. In his narrow, dark little office, however, he had a large book-case filled with poetry in every language, and there was a story that he had been engaged since his twentieth year on a translation of Lope de Vega's collected dramas. Once he had played the r&#244;le of Domingo in an amateur performance of Schiller's &#8220;Don Carlos&#8221;&#8212;this was the culmination of his career. A common word never crossed his lips; and the most ordinary business expressions he would hiss between his clenched teeth, as if he were saying &#8220;Curses on you, villain,&#8221; instead of some commonplace about stocks and commissions. He was, in many ways, the heir and successor to Jean Jacques Hoffstede of blessed memory, except that his character had certain elements of the sombre and pathetic, with none of the playful liveliness of that old 18th century friend of Johann Buddenbrook. One day he lost at a single blow, on the Bourse, six and a half thaler on two or three papers which he had bought as a speculation. This was enough. He sank upon a bench; he struck an attitude which looked as though he had lost the Battle of Waterloo; he struck his clenched fist against his forehead and repeated several times, with a blasphemous roll of the eyes: &#8220;Ha, accursed, accursed!&#8221; He must have been, at bottom, cruelly bored by the small, safe business he did and the petty transfer of this or that bit of property; for this loss, this tragic blow with which Heaven had stricken him down&#8212;him, the schemer Gosch&#8212;delighted his inmost soul. He fed on it for weeks. Some one would say, &#8220;So you've had a loss, Herr Gosch, I'm sorry to hear.&#8221; To which he would answer: &#8220;Oh, my good friend, &#8216;uomo non educato dal dolore riman sempre bambino'!&#8221; Probably nobody understood that. Was it, possibly, Lope da Vega? Anyhow, there was no doubt that this Siegismund Gosch was a remarkable and learned man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What times we live in,&#8221; he said, limping up the street with the Consul, supported by his stick. &#8220;Times of storm and unrest.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are right,&#8221; replied the Consul. &#8220;The times are unquiet. This morning's sitting will be exciting. The principle of the estates&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, now,&#8221; Herr Gosch went on, &#8220;I have been about all day in the streets, and I have been looking at the mob. There are some fine fellows in it, their eyes flaming with excitement and hatred&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Johann Buddenbrook began to laugh. &#8220;You like that, don't you? But you have the right end of it after all, let me tell you. It is all childishness! What do these men want? A lot of uneducated rowdies who see a chance for a bit of a scrimmage.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course. Though I can't deny&#8212;I was in the crowd when Berkemeyer, the journeyman butcher, smashed Herr Benthien's window. He was like a panther.&#8221; Herr Gosch spoke the last word with his teeth particularly close together, and went on: &#8220;Oh, the thing has its fine side, that's certain. It is a change, at least, you know; something that doesn't happen every day. Storm, stress, violence&#8212;the tempest! Oh, the people are ignorant, I know&#8212;still, my heart, this heart of mine&#8212;it beats with theirs!&#8221; They were already before the simple yellow-painted house on the ground floor of which the sittings of the Assembly took place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The room belonged to the beer-hall and dance-establishment of a widow named Suerkringel; but on certain days it was at the service of the gentlemen burgesses. The entrance was through a narrow whitewashed corridor opening into the restaurant on the right side, where it smelled of beer and cooking, and thence through a handleless, lockless green door so small and narrow that no one could have supposed such a large room lay behind it. The room was empty, cold, and barnlike, with a whitewashed roof in which the beams showed, and whitewashed walls. The three rather high windows had green-painted bars, but no curtains. Opposite them were the benches, rising in rows like an amphitheatre, with a table at the bottom for the chairman, the recording clerk, and the Committee of the Senate. It was covered with a green cloth and had a clock, documents, and writing materials on it. On the wall opposite the door were several tall hat-racks with hats and coats.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The sound of voices met the Consul and his companion as they entered through the narrow door. They were the last to come. The room was filled with burgesses, hands in their trousers pockets, on their hips, or in the air, as they stood together in groups and discussed. Of the hundred and thirty members of the body at least a hundred were present. A number of delegates from the country districts had been obliged by circumstances to stop at home.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Near the entrance stood a group composed of two or three small business men, a high-school teacher, the orphan asylum &#8220;father,&#8221; Herr Mindermann, and Herr Wenzel, the popular barber. Herr Wenzel, a powerful little man with a black moustache, an intelligent face, and red hands, had shaved the Consul that very morning; here, however, he stood on an equality with him. He shaved only in the best circles; he shaved almost exclusively the M&#246;llendorpfs, Langhals, Buddenbrooks, and &#214;verdiecks, and he owed his vote in the Assembly to his omniscience in city affairs, his sociability and ease, and his remarkable power of decision at a division.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you heard the latest, Herr Consul?&#8221; he asked with round-eyed eagerness as his patron came up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is there to hear, my dear Wenzel?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nobody knew it this morning. Well, permit me to tell you, Herr Consul, the latest is that the crowd are not going to collect before the Town Hall, or in the market&#8212;they are coming here to threaten the burgesses. Editor R&#252;bsam has stirred them up.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is it possible?&#8221; said the Consul. He pressed through the various groups to the middle of the room, where he saw his father-in-law with Senators Dr. Langhals and James M&#246;llendorpf. &#8220;Is it true, gentlemen?&#8221; he asked, shaking hands with them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But there was no need to answer. The whole assemblage was full of it: the peace-breakers were coming; they could be heard already in the distance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Canaille&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb14&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;canaille &#8211; (low) scoundrel/rat/skunk&#034; id=&#034;nh14&#034;&gt;14&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;!&#8221; said Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger with cold scorn. He had driven hither in his carriage. On an ordinary day the tall, distinguished figure of the once famous cavalier showed the burden of his eighty years; but to-day he stood quite erect with his eyes half-closed, the corners of his mouth contemptuously drawn down, and the points of his white moustaches sticking straight up. Two rows of jewelled buttons sparkled on his black velvet waistcoat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Not far from this group was Heinrich Hagenstr&#246;m, a square-built, fleshy man with a reddish beard sprinkled with grey, a heavy watch-chain across his blue-checked waistcoat, and his coat open over it. He was standing with his partner Herr Strunck, and did not greet the Consul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Benthien, the draper, a prosperous looking man, had a large group of gentlemen around him, to whom he was circumstantially describing what had happened to his show-window. &#8220;A brick, gentlemen, a brick, or at least half a brick&#8212;&lt;i&gt;crack&lt;/i&gt;! through it went and landed on a roll of green rep. The rascally mob! Oh, the Government will have to take it up! It's their affair!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And in every corner of the room unceasingly resounded the voice of Herr Stuht from Bell-Founders' Street. He had on a black coat over his woollen shirt; and he so deeply sympathized with the narrative of Herr Benthien that he never stopped saying, in outraged accents, &#8220;Infamous, un-heard-of!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Johann Buddenbrook found and greeted his old friend G. F. K&#246;ppen, and then K&#246;ppen's rival, Consul Kistenmaker. He moved about in the crowd, pressed Dr. Grabow's hand, and exchanged a few words with Herr Gieseke the Fire Commissioner, Contractor Voigt, Dr. Langhals, the Chairman, brother of the Senator, and several merchants, lawyers, and teachers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The sitting was not yet opened, but debate was already lively. Everybody was cursing that pestilential scribbler, Editor R&#252;bsam; everybody knew he had stirred up the crowd&#8212;and what for? The business in hand was to decide whether they were to go on with the method of selecting representatives by estates, or whether there was to be universal and equal franchise. The Senate had already proposed the latter. But what did the people want? They wanted these gentlemen by the throats&#8212;no more and no less. It was the worst hole they had ever found themselves in, devil take it! The Senatorial Committee was surrounded, its members' opinion eagerly sought. They approached Consul Buddenbrook, as one who should know the attitude of Burgomaster &#214;verdieck; for since Senator Doctor &#214;verdieck, Consul Justus Kr&#246;ger's brother-in-law, had been made President last year, the Buddenbrooks were related to the Burgomaster; which had distinctly enhanced the regard in which they were held.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All of a sudden the tumult began outside. Revolution had arrived under the windows of the Sitting. The excited exchange of opinions inside ceased simultaneously. Every man, dumb with the shock, folded his hands upon his stomach and looked at his fellows or at the windows, where fists were being shaken in the air and the crowd was giving vent to deafening and frantic yelling. But then, most astonishingly, as though the offenders themselves had suddenly grown aghast at their own behaviour, it became just as still outside as in the hall; and in that deep hush, one word from the neighbourhood of the lowest benches, where Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger was sitting, was distinctly audible. It rang through the hall, cold, emphatic, and deliberate&#8212;the word &#8220;Canaille!&#8221; And, like an echo, came the word &#8220;Infamous,&#8221; in a fat, outraged voice from the other corner of the hall. Then the hurried, trembling, whispering utterance of the draper Benthien: &#8220;Gentlemen, gentlemen! Listen! I know the house. There is a trap-door on to the roof from the attic. I used to shoot cats through it when I was a lad. We can climb on to the next roof and get down safely.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Cowardice,&#8221; hissed Gosch the broker between his teeth. He leaned against the table with his arms folded and head bent, directing a blood-curdling glance through the window.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Cowardice, do you say? How cowardice? In God's name, sir, aren't they throwing bricks? I've had enough of that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The noise outside had begun again, but without reaching its former stormy height. It sounded quieter and more continuous, a prolonged, patient, almost comfortable hum, rising and falling; now and then one heard whistles, and sometimes single words like &#8220;principle&#8221; and &#8220;rights of citizens.&#8221; The assembly listened respectfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After a while the chairman, Herr Dr. Langhals, spoke in a subdued tone: &#8220;Gentlemen, I think we could come to some agreement if we opened the meeting.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But this humble suggestion did not meet with the slightest support from anybody.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No good in that,&#8221; somebody said, with a simple decisiveness that permitted no appeal. It was a peasant sort of man, named Pfahl, from the Ritzerau district, deputy for the village of Little Schretstaken. Nobody remembered ever to have heard his voice raised before in a meeting, but its very simplicity made it weighty at the present crisis. Unafraid and with sure political insight, Herr Pfahl had voiced the feeling of the entire assemblage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God keep us,&#8221; Herr Benthien said despondently. &#8220;If we sit on the benches we can be seen from outside. They're throwing stones&#8212;I've had enough of that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the cursed door is so narrow,&#8221; burst out K&#246;ppen the wine-merchant, in despair. &#8220;If we start to go out, we'll probably get crushed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Infamous, un-heard-of,&#8221; Herr Stuht intoned.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen,&#8221; began the Chairman urgently once more. &#8220;I have to put before the Burgomaster in the next three days a draft of to-day's protocol, and the town expects its publication through the press. I should at least like to get a vote on that subject, if the sitting would come to order&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But with the exception of a few citizens who supported the chairman, nobody seemed ready to come to the consideration of the agenda. A vote would have been useless anyhow&#8212;they must not irritate the people. Nobody knew what they wanted, so it was no good to offend them by a vote, in whatever direction. They must wait and control themselves. The clock of St. Mary's struck half-past four.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They confirmed themselves and each other in this resolve of patient waiting. They began to get used to the noise that rose and fell outside, to feel quieter; to make themselves more comfortable, to sit down on the lower benches and chairs. The natural instinct toward industry, common to all these good burghers, began to assert itself: they ventured to bargain a little, to pick up a little business here and there. The brokers sat down by the wholesale dealers. These beleaguered gentlemen talked together like people shut in by a sudden storm, who speak of other things, and now and then pause to listen with respectful faces to the thunder. It was five o'clock&#8212;half-past five. It was getting dark. Now and then somebody sighed and said that the wife would be waiting with the coffee&#8212;and then Herr Benthien would venture to mention the trap-door. But most of them were like Herr Stuht, who said fatalistically, shaking his head, &#8220;I'm too fat.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mindful of his wife's request Johann Buddenbrook had kept an eye on his father-in-law. He said to him: &#8220;This little adventure isn't disturbing you, is it, Father?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger's forehead showed two swollen blue veins under his white wig. He looked ill. One aristocratic old hand played with the opalescent buttons on his waistcoat; the other, with its great diamond ring, trembled on his knee.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fiddlesticks, Buddenbrook,&#8221; he said; but his voice showed extreme fatigue. &#8220;I am sick of it, that's all.&#8221; Then he betrayed himself by suddenly hissing out: &#8220;Parbleu, Jean, this infamous rabble ought to be taught some respect with a little powder and shot. &lt;i&gt;Canaille&lt;/i&gt;! Scum!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul hummed assent. &#8220;Yes, yes, you are right; it is a pretty undignified affair. But what can we do? We must keep our tempers. It's getting late. They'll go away after a bit.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where is my carriage? I desire my carriage,&#8221; said the old man in a tone of command, suddenly quite beside himself. His anger exploded; he trembled all over. &#8220;I ordered it for five o'clock: where is it? This sitting will never be held. Why should I stop any longer? I don't care about being made a fool of. My carriage! What are they doing to my coachman? Go see after it, Buddenbrook.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear Father-in-Law, for heaven's sake be calm. You are getting excited. It will be bad for you. Of course I will go and see after the carriage. I think myself we have had enough of this. I will speak to the people and tell them to go home.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Close by the little green door he was accosted by Siegismund Gosch, who grasped his arm with a bony hand and asked in a gruesome whisper: &#8220;Whither away, Herr Consul?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The broker's face was furrowed with a thousand lines. His pointed chin rose almost up to his nose, his face expressed the most desperate resolution; his grey hair streamed distractedly over brow and temples; his head was so drawn in between his shoulders that he really almost achieved his ambition of looking like a dwarf&#8212;and he rapped out: &#8220;You behold me resolved to speak to the people.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul said: &#8220;No, let me do it, Gosch. I really know more of them than you do.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Be it so,&#8221; answered the broker tonelessly. &#8220;You are a bigger man than I.&#8221; And, lifting his voice, he went on: &#8220;But I will accompany you, I will stand at your side, Consul Buddenbrook. Let the wrath of the outraged people tear me in pieces&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a day, what a night!&#8221; he said as they went out. There is no doubt he had never felt so happy before in his life. &#8220;Ha, Herr Consul! Here are the people.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They had gone down the corridor and outside the outer door, where they stood at the top of three little steps that went down to the pavement. The street was indeed a strange sight. It was as still as the grave. At the open and lighted windows of the houses round, stood the curious, looking down upon the black mass of the insurgents before the Burgesses' House. The crowd was not much bigger than that inside the hall. It consisted of young labourers from the harbour and granaries, servants, school pupils, sailors from the merchant ships, and other people from the little streets, alleys, courts, and rabbit-hutches round about. There were even two or three women&#8212;who had probably promised themselves the same millennium as the Buddenbrooks' cook. A few of the insurrectionists, weary of standing, had sat down with their feet in the gutter and were eating sandwiches.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was nearly six o'clock. Though twilight was well advanced, the oil lamps hung unlighted above the street. This fact, this open and unheard-of interruption of the regular order, was the first thing that really made Consul Buddenbrook's temper rise, and was responsible for his beginning to speak in a rather short and angry tone and the broadest of pronunciations:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now then, all of you, what is the meaning of this foolishness?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The picnickers sprang up from the sidewalk. Those in the back ranks, beyond the foot-pavement, stood on their tip-toes. Some navvies, in the service of the Consul, took off their caps. They stood at attention, nudged each other, and muttered in low tones, &#8220;'Tis Consul Buddenbrook. He be goin' to talk. Hold yer jaw, there, Chrishan; he can jaw like the devil himself! Ther's Broker Gosch&#8212;look! What a monkey he is! Isn't he gettin' o'erwrought!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Carl Smolt!&#8221; began the Consul again, picking out and fastening his small, deep-set eyes upon a bow-legged young labourer of about two-and-twenty, with his cap in his hand and his mouth full of bread, standing in front of the steps. &#8220;Here, speak up, Carl Smolt! Now's the time! I've been here the whole afternoon&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Herr Consul,&#8221; brought out Carl Smolt, chewing violently. &#8220;The thing is&#8212;ower&#8212;it's a soart o'&#8212;we're makkin' a rivolution.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What kind of nonsense is that, then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lord, Herr Consul, ye knaw what that is. We're not satisfied wi' things as they be. We demand another order o' things; tain't any more'n that&#8212;that's what it is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, listen, Carl Smolt and the rest of you. Whoever's got any sense will go home and not bother himself over any revolutions, disturbing the regular order of things&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The sacred order,&#8221; interrupted Herr Gosch dramatically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The regular order, I say,&#8221; finished the Consul. &#8220;Why, even the lamps aren't lighted. That's going too far with the revolution.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Carl Smolt had swallowed his mouthful by now, and, with the people at his back, stood his ground and made some objections.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Herr Consul, ye may say that. But we're only agin the principle of the voate&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God in heaven, you ninny,&#8221; shouted the Consul, forgetting, in his excitement, to speak dialect. &#8220;You're talking the sheerest nonsense&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lord, Herr Consul,&#8221; said Carl Smolt, somewhat abashed, &#8220;thet's oall as it is. Rivolution it has to be. Ther's rivolution iverywheer, in Berlin, in Paris&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, Smolt, what do you want? Just tell me that, if you can.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lord, Herr Consul, I say we wants a republic; that's wat I be sayin'.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, you fool, you've got one already.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Herr Consul, then we wants another.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Some of the bystanders, who understood the matter better, began to laugh rudely and heartily; and although few even heard Carl's answer, the laughter spread until the whole crowd of republicans stood shaking good-naturedly. Some of the gentlemen from inside the hall appeared at the window with curious faces and beer-mugs in their hands. The only person disappointed and pained by this turn of affairs was Siegismund Gosch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, people,&#8221; shouted Consul Buddenbrook finally, &#8220;I think the best thing for you all to do is to go home.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Carl Smolt, quite crestfallen over the result he had brought about, answered &#8220;That's right, Herr Consul. Then things'll be quieted down. And Herr Consul doesn't take it ill of me, do'e, now? Good-bye, Herr Consul!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The crowd began to disperse, in the best of humours.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wait a minute, Smolt,&#8221; shouted the Consul. &#8220;Have you seen the Kr&#246;ger carriage? the cal&#232;che from outside the Castle Gate?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, sir, Herr Consul. He's here; he be driven up in some court somewhere.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then run quick and say he's to come at once; his master wants to go home.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Servant, Herr Consul,&#8221; and, throwing his cap on his head and pulling the leather visor well down over his brows, Carl Smolt ran with great swinging strides down the street.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When the Consul and Siegismund Gosch returned to the hall, the scene was a more comfortable one than it had been a quarter of an hour before. It was lighted by two large oil lamps standing on the Committee table, in whose yellow light the gentlemen sat or stood together, pouring out beer into shining tankards, touching glasses and talking loudly, in the gayest of humours. Frau Suerkringel, the widow, had consoled them. She had loyally taken on her enforced guests and given them good advice, recommending that they fortify themselves for the siege, which might endure some while yet. And thus she had profitably employed the time by selling a considerable quantity of her light yet exhilarating beer. As the others entered, the house-boy, in shirt-sleeves and good-natured grin, was just bringing in a fresh supply of bottles. While it was certainly late, too late to consider further the revision of the Constitution, nobody seemed inclined to interrupt the meeting and go home. It was too late for coffee, in any case.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After the Consul had received congratulatory handshakes on his success, he went up to his father-in-law. Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger was the only man in the room whose mood had not improved. He sat in his place, cold, remote, and lofty, and answered the information that the carriage would be around at once by saying scornfully, in a voice that trembled more with bitterness than age: &#8220;Then the mob permits me to go home?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With stiff movements that no longer had in them anything of the charm that had been his, he had his fur mantle put about his shoulders, and laid his arm, with a careless &#8220;&lt;i&gt;Merci&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; on that of the Consul, who offered to accompany him home. The majestic coach, with two large lanterns on the box, stood in the street, where, to the Consul's great satisfaction, the lamps were now being lighted. They both got in. Silent and stiffly erect, with his eyes half-closed, Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger sat with the rug over his knees, the Consul at his right hand, while the carriage rolled through the streets. Beneath the points of the old man's white moustaches two lines ran down perpendicularly from the corners of his mouth to his chin. He was gnawed by chagrin at the insult that had been offered him, and he stared, weary and chilled, at the cushions opposite.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was more gayety in the streets than on a Sunday evening. Obviously a holiday temper reigned. The people, delighted at the successful outcome of the revolution, were out in the gayest mood. There was singing. Here and there youngsters shouted &#8220;Hurrah!&#8221; as the carriage drove past, and threw their caps into the air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I really think, Father, you let the matter affect you too much,&#8221; the Consul said. &#8220;When one thinks of it, what a tom-fool business the whole thing was&#8212;simply a farce.&#8221; In order to get some reply from the old man he went on to talk about the revolution in lively tones. &#8220;When the propertyless class begin to realize how little they serve their own ends&#8212;why, good heavens, it's the same everywhere. I was talking this afternoon with Gosch the broker, a wonderful man, looking at everything with the eyes of a poet and writer. You see, Father, this revolution was made at the &#230;sthetic tea-tables of Berlin. Then the people take their own skin to market&#8212;for, of course, they will be the ones to pay for it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It would be a good thing if you would open the window on your side,&#8221; said Herr Kr&#246;ger.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Johann Buddenbrook gave him a quick glance and let the glass down hastily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aren't you feeling well, dear Father?&#8221; he asked anxiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not at all,&#8221; answered Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger severely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You need food and rest,&#8221; the Consul said; and in order to be doing something he drew up the fur rug closer about his father-in-law's knees.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly&#8212;the carriage was rolling through Castle Street&#8212;a wretched thing happened. Fifteen paces from the Castle Gate, in the half-dark, they passed a group of noisy and happy street urchins, and a stone flew through the open window. It was a harmless little stone, the size of a hen's egg, flung by the hand of some Chris Snut or Heine Voss to celebrate the revolution; certainly not with any bad intent, and probably not directed toward the carriage at all. It came noiselessly through the window and struck Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger in his chest, which was covered with the thick fur rug. Then it rolled down over the cover and fell upon the floor of the coach.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Clumsy fools!&#8221; said the Consul angrily. &#8220;Is everybody out of their senses this evening? It didn't hurt you, did it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Old Kr&#246;ger was silent&#8212;alarmingly silent. It was too dark in the carriage to see his expression. He sat straighter, higher, stiffer than ever, without touching the cushions. Then, from deep within him, slowly, coldly, dully, came the single word: &#8220;Canaille.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For fear of angering him further, the Consul made no answer. The carriage clattered through the gate, and three minutes later was in the broad avenue before the gilt-tipped railings that bounded the Kr&#246;ger domain. A drive bordered with chestnut trees went from the garden gate up to the terrace; and on either side of the gate a gilt-topped lantern was burning brightly. The Consul saw his father-in-law's face by this light&#8212;it was yellow and wrinkled; the firm, contemptuous set of the mouth had given way: it had changed to the lax, silly, distorted expression of a very old man. The carriage stopped before the terrace.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Help me out,&#8221; said Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger; but the Consul was already out, had thrown back the rug, and offered his arm and shoulder as a support. He led the old man slowly for a few paces across the gravel to the white stone steps that went up to the dining-room. At the foot of these, the old man bent at the knee-joints. His head fell so heavily on his breast that the lower jaw clashed against the upper. His eyes rolled&#8212;grew dim; Lebrecht Kr&#246;ger, the gallant, the cavalier &#224;-la-mode, had joined his fathers.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;A year and two months later, on a misty, snowy morning in January of the year 1850, Herr and Madame Gr&#252;nlich sat at breakfast with their little three-year-old daughter, in the brown wainscoted dining-room, on chairs that cost twenty-five marks apiece.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The panes of both windows were opaque with mist; behind them one had vague glimpses of bare trees and bushes. A red glow and a gentle, scented warmth came from the low, green-tiled stove standing in a corner. Through the open door next to it one could see the foliage-plants in the &#8220;pens&#233;e-room.&#8221; On the other wall, half-drawn green stuff porti&#232;res gave a view of the brown satin salon and of a lofty glass door leading on to a little terrace beyond. The cracks in this door were carefully stopped with cotton-wool, and there was nothing to be seen through its panes but the whitish-grey mist beyond.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The snow-white cloth of woven damask on the round table had an embroidered green runner across it, laid with gold-bordered porcelain so translucent that it gleamed like mother-of-pearl. The tea-kettle was humming. There was a finely worked silver bread-basket in the shape of a curling leaf, with slices and rolls of fine bread; under one crystal bell were little balls of butter, under another different sorts of cheese, white, yellow, and green. There was even a bottle of wine standing before the master of the house; for Herr Gr&#252;nlich had a full breakfast every morning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His whiskers were freshly curled, and at this early hour his rosy face was rosier than ever. He sat with his back to the salon, already arrayed in a black coat and light trousers with a pattern of large checks, eating a grilled chop, in the English manner. His wife thought this very elegant, but also very disgusting&#8212;she had never brought herself to take it instead of her usual breakfast of bread and butter and an egg.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony was in her dressing-gown. She adored dressing-gowns. Nothing seemed more elegant to her than a handsome neglig&#233;e, and as she had not been allowed to indulge this passion in the parental house she was the more given to it as a wife. She had three of these dainty clinging garments, to the fashioning of which can go so much more taste and fantasy than to a ball-gown. To-day she wore her dark-red one. Its colour toned beautifully with the paper above the wainscoting, and its large-flowered stuff, of a beautiful soft texture, was embroidered all over with sprays of tiny glass beads of the same colour, while row after row of red velvet ribbons ran from neck to hem.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her thick ash-blonde hair, with its dark-red velvet band, curled about her brows. She had now, as she was herself well aware, reached the highest point of her physical bloom; yet her pretty, pouting upper lip retained just the na&#239;ve, provocative expression of her childhood. The lids of her grey-blue eyes were reddened with cold water. Her hands, the white Buddenbrook hands, finely shaped if a little stumpy, their delicate wrists caressed by the velvet cuffs of her dressing-gown, handled her knife and fork and tea-cup with motions that were to-day, for some reason or other, rather jerky and abrupt. Her little daughter Erica sat near her in a high chair. She was a plump child with short blonde hair, in a funny, shapeless, knitted frock of pale-blue wool. She held a large cup in both tiny hands, entirely concealing her face, and drank her milk with little sighs of satisfaction.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Gr&#252;nlich rang, and Tinka, the housemaid, came from the entry to take the child from her high chair and carry her upstairs into the play-room. &#8220;You may take her walking outside for a half-hour, Tinka,&#8221; said Tony. &#8220;But not longer; and put on her thick jacket. It is very damp and foggy.&#8221; She remained alone with her husband.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You only make yourself seem absurd,&#8221; she said then, after a silence, obviously continuing an interrupted conversation. &#8220;What are your objections? Give me some reason. I can't be always attending to the child.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are not fond of children, Antonie.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fond of children, indeed! I have no time. I am taken up with the housekeeping. I wake up with twenty things that must be done, and I go to bed with forty that have not been done.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There are two servants. A young woman like you&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Two servants. Good. Tinka has to wash up, to clean, to serve. The cook is busy all the time. You have chops early in the morning. Think it over, Gr&#252;nlich. Sooner or later, Erica must have a &lt;i&gt;bonne&lt;/i&gt;, a governess.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But to get a governess for her so soon is not suited to our means.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Our means! Goodness, you &lt;i&gt;are&lt;/i&gt; absurd! Are we beggars? Are we forced to live within the smallest limits we can? I think I brought you in eighty thousand marks&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, you and your eighty thousand marks&#8212;!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I know you like to make light of them. They were of no importance to you because you married me for love! Good. But do you still love me? You deliberately disregard my wishes. The child is not to have a governess. And I don't even speak any more of the coup&#233;, which we need quite as much as we need food and drink. And why do you insist on our living out here in the country, if it isn't in accordance with our means to keep a carriage so that we can go into society respectably? Why do you never like it when I go in to town? You would always rather just have me bury myself out here, so I should never see a living soul. I think you are very ill-tempered.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich poured some wine into his glass, lifted up one of the crystal bells, and began on the cheese. He made no reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't you love me any more?&#8221; repeated Tony. &#8220;Your silence is so insulting, it drives me to remind you of a certain day when you entered our landscape-room. You made a fine figure of yourself! But from the very first day after our marriage you have sat with me only in the evening, and that only to read the paper. Just at first you showed some little regard for my wishes. But that's been over with for a long while now. You neglect me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you? You are ruining me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I? I am ruining you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, you are ruining me with your indolence, your extravagance, and love of luxury.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, pray don't reproach me with my good upbringing! In my parents' house I never had to lift a finger. Now I have hard work to get accustomed to the housekeeping; but I have at least a right to demand that you do not refuse me the ordinary assistance. Father is a rich man; he would never dream that I could lack for service.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then wait for this third servant until we get hold of some of those riches.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, you are wishing for my Father's death. But I mean that we are well-to-do people in our own right. I did not come to you with empty hands.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich smiled an embarrassed and dejected smile, although he was in the act of chewing his breakfast. He made no other reply, and his silence bewildered Tony.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gr&#252;nlich,&#8221; she said more quietly, &#8220;why do you smile and talk about our &#8216;means'? Am I mistaken? Has business been bad? Have you&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Just then somebody drummed on the corridor door, and Herr Kesselmeyer walked in.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Herr Kesselmeyer entered unannounced, as a friend of the house, without hat or coat. He paused, however, near the door. His looks corresponded exactly to the description Tony had given to her Mother. He was slightly thick-set as to figure, but neither fat nor lean. He wore a black, already somewhat shiny coat, short tight trousers of the same material, and a white waistcoat, over which went a long thin watch-chain and two or three eye-glass cords. His clipped white beard was in sharp contrast with his red face. It covered his cheeks and left his chin and lips free. His mouth was small and mobile, with two yellowish pointed teeth in the otherwise vacant gum of his lower jaw, and he was pressing these into his upper lip, as he stood absently by the door with his hands in his trousers pockets and the black and white down on his head waving slightly, although there was not the least perceptible draught.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Finally he drew his hands out of his pockets, bowed, released his lip, and with difficulty freed one of the eye-glass cords from the confusion on his waistcoat. He lifted his pince-nez and put it with a single gesture astride his nose. Then he made the most astonishing grimaces, looked at the husband and wife, and remarked: &#8220;Ah, ha!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He used this expression with extraordinary frequency and a surprising variety of inflections. He might say it with his head thrown back, his nose wrinkled up, mouth wide open, hands swishing about in the air, with a long-drawn-out, nasal, metallic sound, like a Chinese gong; or he might, with still funnier effect, toss it out, gently, &lt;i&gt;en passant&lt;/i&gt;; or with any one of a thousand different shades of tone and meaning. His &lt;i&gt;a&lt;/i&gt; was very clouded and nasal. To-day it was a hurried, lively &#8220;Ah ha!&#8221; accompanied with a jerk of the head, that seemed to arise from an unusually pleasant mood, and yet might not be trusted to be so; for the fact was, Banker Kesselmeyer never behaved more gaily than when he was dangerous. When he jumped about emitting a thousand &#8220;Ah ha's,&#8221; lifting his glasses to his nose and letting them fall again, waving his arms, chattering, plainly quite beside himself with light-headedness, then you might be sure that evil was gnawing at his inwards. Herr Gr&#252;nlich looked at him blinking, with unconcealed mistrust.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Already&#8212;so early?&#8221; he asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, ha!&#8221; answered Herr Kesselmeyer, and waved one of his small, red, wrinkled hands in the air, as if to say: &#8220;Patience, there is a surprise coming.&#8221; &#8220;I must speak with you, without any delay; I must speak with you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The words sounded irresistibly comic as he rolled each one about before giving it out, with exaggerated movements of his little toothless, mobile mouth. He rolled his &lt;i&gt;r&lt;/i&gt;'s as if his palate were greased. Herr Gr&#252;nlich blinked more and more suspiciously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come and sit down, Herr Kesselmeyer,&#8221; said Tony. &#8220;I'm glad you've come. Listen. You can decide between us. Gr&#252;nlich and I have been disagreeing. Now tell me: ought a three-year-old child to have a governess or not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Herr Kesselmeyer seemed not to be attending. He had seated himself and was rubbing his stubbly beard with his forefinger, making a rasping sound, his mouth as wide open as possible, nose as wrinkled, while he stared over his glasses with an indescribably sprightly air at the elegantly appointed breakfast-table, the silver bread-basket, the label on the wine-bottle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gr&#252;nlich says I am ruining him,&#8221; Tony continued.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Kesselmeyer looked at her; then he looked at Herr Gr&#252;nlich; then he burst out into an astonishing fit of laughter. &#8220;You are ruining him?&#8212;you? &lt;i&gt;You&lt;/i&gt; are ruining him&#8212;that's it, is it? Oh good gracious, heavens and earth, you don't say! That &lt;i&gt;is&lt;/i&gt; a joke. That is a tre-men-dous, tre-men-dous joke.&#8221; He let out a stream of ha ha's all run in together.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich was plainly nervous. He squirmed on his seat. He ran his long finger down between his collar and his neck and let his golden whiskers glide through his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kesselmeyer,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Control yourself, man. Are you out of your head? Stop laughing! Will you have some wine? Or a cigar? What are you laughing at?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What am I laughing at? Yes, yes, give me a glass of wine, give me a cigar. Why am I laughing? So you think your wife is ruining you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She is very luxuriously inclined,&#8221; Herr Gr&#252;nlich said irritably.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony did not contradict him. She leaned calmly back, her hands in her lap on the velvet ribbons of her frock and her pert upper lip in evidence: &#8220;Yes, I am, I know. I have it from Mamma. All the Kr&#246;gers are fond of luxury.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She would have admitted in the same calm way that she was frivolous, revengeful, or quick-tempered. Her strongly developed family sense was instinctively hostile to conceptions of free will and self-development; it inclined her rather to recognize and accept her own characteristics wholesale, with fatalistic indifference and toleration. She had, unconsciously, the feeling that any trait of hers, no matter of what kind, was a family tradition and therefore worthy of respect.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich had finished breakfast, and the fragrance of the two cigars mingled with the warm air from the stove. &#8220;Will you take another, Kesselmeyer?&#8221; said the host. &#8220;I'll pour you out another glass of wine.&#8212;You want to see me? Anything pressing? Is it important?&#8212;Too warm here, is it? We'll drive into town together afterward. It is cooler in the smoking-room.&#8221; To all this Herr Kesselmeyer simply shook his hand in the air, as if to say: &#8220;This won't get us anywhere, my dear friend.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At length they got up; and, while Tony remained in the dining-room to see that the servant-maid cleared away, Herr Gr&#252;nlich led his colleague through the &#8220;pens&#233;e-room,&#8221; with his head bent, drawing his long beard reflectively through his fingers. Herr Kesselmeyer rowed into the room with his arms and disappeared behind him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ten minutes passed. Tony had gone into the salon to give the polished nut-wood secretary and the curved table-legs her personal attention with the aid of a gay little feather duster. Then she moved slowly through the dining-room into the living-room with dignity and marked self-respect. The Demoiselle Buddenbrook had plainly not grown less important in her own eyes since becoming Madame Gr&#252;nlich. She held herself very erect, chin in, and looked down at the world from above. She carried in one hand her little lacquered key-basket; the other was in the pocket of her gown, whose soft folds played about her. The na&#239;ve expression of her mouth betrayed that the whole of her dignity and importance were a part of a beautiful, childlike, innocent game which she was constantly playing with herself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the &#8220;pens&#233;e-room&#8221; she busied herself with a little brass sprinkler, watering the black earth around her plants. She loved her palms, they gave so much elegance to the room. She touched carefully a young shoot on one of the thick round stems, examined the majestically unfolded fans, and cut away a yellow tip here and there with the scissors. Suddenly she stopped. The conversation in the next room, which had for several minutes been assuming a livelier tone, became so loud that she could hear every word, though the door and the porti&#232;res were both heavy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't shriek like that&#8212;control yourself, for God's sake!&#8221; she heard Herr Gr&#252;nlich say. His weak voice could not stand the strain, and went off in a squeak. &#8220;Take another cigar,&#8221; he went on, with desperate mildness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, thanks, with the greatest pleasure,&#8221; answered the banker, and there was a pause while he presumably helped himself. Then he said: &#8220;In short, will you or won't you: one or the other?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kesselmeyer, give me an extension.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, ha! No, no, my friend. There is no question of an extension. That's not the point now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not? What is stirring you up to this? Be reasonable, for heaven's sake. You've waited this long.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not a day longer, my friend. Yes, we'll say eight days, but not an hour longer. But can't we rely any longer on&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No names, Kesselmeyer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No names. Good. But doesn't some one rely any longer on his estimable Herr Pa&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No hints, either. My God, don't be a fool.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very good; no hints, either. But have we no claim any longer on the well-known firm with whom our credit stands and falls, my friend? How much did it lose by the Bremen failure? Fifty thousand? Seventy thousand? A hundred thousand? More? The sparrows on the housetops know that it was involved, heavily involved. Yesterday&#8212;well, no names. Yesterday the well-known firm was good, and it was unconsciously protecting you against pressure. To-day its stock is flat&#8212;and B. Gr&#252;nlich's stock is the flattest of the flat. Is that clear? Do you grasp it? You are the first man to notice a thing like that. How are people treating you? How do they look at you? Beck and Goudstikker are perfectly agreeable, give you the same terms as usual? And the bank?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They will extend.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You aren't lying, are you? Oh, no! I know they gave you a jolt yesterday&#8212;a very, very stimulating jolt eh? You see? Oh, don't be embarrassed. It is to your interest, of course, to pull the wool over my eyes, so that the others will be quiet. Hey, my dear friend? Well, you'd better write to the Consul. I'll wait a week.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A part payment, Kesselmeyer!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Part payment, rubbish! One accepts part payment to convince oneself for the time of a debtor's ability to pay. Do I need to make experiments of that kind on you? I am perfectly well-informed about your ability to pay. Ah, ha, ah, ha! Part payment! That's a very good joke.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Moderate your voice, Kesselmeyer. Don't laugh all the time in that cursed way. My position is so serious&#8212;yes, I admit, it is serious. But I have such-and-such business in hand&#8212;everything may still come out all right. Listen, wait a minute: Give me an extension and I'll sign it for twenty per cent.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing in it, nothing in it, my friend. Very funny, very amusing. Oh, yes, I'm in favour of selling at the right time. You promised me eight per cent, and I extended. You promised me twelve and sixteen per cent, and I extended, every time. Now, you might offer me forty per cent, and I shouldn't consider it&#8212;not for a moment. Since Brother Westfall in Bremen fell on his nose, everybody is for the moment freeing himself from the well-known firm and getting on a sound basis. As I say, I'm for selling at the right time. I've held your signatures as long as Johann Buddenbrook was good&#8212;in the meantime I could write up the interest on the capital and increase the per cent. But one only keeps a thing so long as it is rising or at least keeping steady. When it begins to fall, one sells&#8212;which is the same as saying I want my capital.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kesselmeyer, you are shameless.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, ha, a-ha! Shameless, am I? That's very charming, very funny. What do you want? You must apply to your father-in-law. The Credit Bank is raging&#8212;and you know you are not exactly spotless.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Kesselmeyer. I adjure you to hear me quietly. I'll be perfectly frank. I confess that my situation is serious. You and the Credit Bank are not the only ones&#8212;there are notes of hand&#8212;everything seems to have gone to pieces at once!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course&#8212;naturally. It is certainly a clean-up&#8212;a liquidation.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Kesselmeyer; hear me out. Do take another cigar.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This one is not half finished. Leave me alone with your cigars. Pay up.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kesselmeyer, don't let me smash!&#8212;You are a friend of mine&#8212;you have eaten at my table.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And maybe you haven't eaten at mine?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes&#8212;but don't refuse me credit now, Kesselmeyer!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Credit? It's credit, now, is it? Are you in your senses? A new loan?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Kesselmeyer, I swear to you&#8212; A little&#8212;a trifle. I only need to make a few payments and advances here and there to get on my feet again and restore confidence. Help me and you will be doing a big business. As I said, I have a number of affairs on hand. They may still all come out right. You know how shrewd and resourceful I am.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know what a numbskull you are! A dolt, a nincompoop, my dear friend! Will you have the goodness to tell me what your resourcefulness can accomplish at this stage? Perhaps there is a bank somewhere in the wide world that will lend you a shilling? Or another father-in-law? Ah, no; you have already played your best card. You can't play it twice.&#8212;With all due respect, my dear fellow, and my highest regards.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Speak lower, devil take you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are a fool. Shrewd and resourceful, are you? Yes, to the other chap's advantage. You're not scrupulous, I'll say that for you, but much good it's done you! You have played tricks, and wormed capital out of people by hook or crook, just to pay me my twelve or sixteen per cent. You threw your honour overboard without getting any return. You have a conscience like a butcher's dog, and yet you are nothing but a ninny, a scapegoat. There are always such people&#8212;they are too funny for words. Why is it you are so afraid to apply to the person we mean with the whole story? Isn't it because there was crooked work four years ago? Perhaps it wasn't all quite straight&#8212;what? Are you afraid that certain things&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well, Kesselmeyer; I will write. But suppose he refuses? Suppose he lets me down?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh&#8212;ah, ha! Then we will just have a bankruptcy, a highly amusing little bankruptcy. That doesn't bother me at all. So far as I am concerned, I have about covered my expenses with the interest you have scratched together, and I have the priority with the assets. Oh, you wait; I shan't come short. I know everything pretty well, my good friend; I have an inventory already in my pocket. Ah, ha! We shall see that no dressing-gown and no silver bread-basket gets away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kesselmeyer, you have sat at my table&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, be quiet with your table! In eight days I'll be back for the answer. I shall walk in to town&#8212;the fresh air will do me good. Good morning, my friend, good morning!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Herr Kesselmeyer seemed to depart&#8212;yes, he went. She heard his odd, shuffling walk in the corridor, and imagined him rowing along with his arms....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich entered the &#8220;pens&#233;e-room&#8221; and saw Tony standing there with the little watering-can in her hand. She looked him in the face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you looking at? Why are you staring like that?&#8221; he said to her. He showed his teeth, and made vague movements in the air with his hands, and wiggled his body from side to side. His rosy face could not become actually pale; but it was spotted red and white like a scarlet-fever patient's.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Consul Johann Buddenbrook arrived at the villa at two o'clock in the afternoon. He entered the Gr&#252;nlich salon in a grey travelling-cloak and embraced his daughter with painful intensity. He was pale and seemed older. His small eyes were deep in their sockets, his large pointed nose stuck out between the fallen cheeks, his lips seemed to have grown thinner, and the beard under his chin and jaws half-covered by his stiff choker and high neck-band,&#8212;he had lately ceased to wear the two locks running from the temples half-way down the cheeks&#8212;was as grey as the hair on his head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul had hard, nerve-racking days behind him. Thomas had had a haemorrhage; the Father had learned of the misfortune in a letter from Herr van der Kellen. He had left his business in the careful hands of his clerk and hurried off to Amsterdam. He found nothing immediately dangerous about his son's illness, but an open-air cure was necessary, in the South, in Southern France; and as it fortunately happened that a journey of convalescence had been prescribed for the young son of the head of the firm, the two young men had left for Pau as soon as Thomas was able to travel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul had scarcely reached home again when he was attacked by a fresh misfortune, which had for the moment shaken his firm to its foundations and by which it had lost eighty thousand marks at one blow. How? Discounted cheques drawn on Westfall Brothers had come back to the firm, liquidation having begun. He had not failed to cover them. The firm had at once showed what it could do, without hesitation or embarrassment. But that could not prevent the Consul from experiencing all the sudden coldness, the reserve, the mistrust at the banks, with &#8220;friends,&#8221; and among firms abroad, which such an event, such a weakening of working capital, was sure to bring in its train.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, he had pulled himself together, and had reviewed the whole situation; had reassured, reinforced, made head. And then, in the midst of the struggle, among telegrams, letters, and calculations, this last blow broke upon him as well: B. Gr&#252;nlich, his daughter's husband, was insolvent. In a long, whining, confused letter he had implored, begged, and prayed for an assistance of a hundred to a hundred and twenty thousand marks. The Consul replied curtly and non-committally that he would come to Hamburg to meet Herr Gr&#252;nlich and Kesselmeyer the banker, made a brief, soothing explanation to his wife, and started off.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony received him in the salon. She was fond of receiving visits in her brown silk salon, and she made no exception now; particularly as she had a very profound impression of the importance of the present occasion, without comprehending in the least what it was about. She looked blooming and yet becomingly serious, in her pale grey frock with its laces at breast and wrists, its bell-shaped sleeves and long train, and little diamond clasp at the throat. &#8220;How are you, Papa? At last you have come to see us again. How is Mamma? Is there good news from Tom? Take off your things, Father dear. Will you dress? The guest-room is ready for you. Gr&#252;nlich is dressing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't call him, my child. I will wait for him here. You know I have come for a talk with your husband&#8212;a very, very serious talk, my dear Tony. Is Herr Kesselmeyer here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he is in the pens&#233;e-room looking at the album.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where is Erica?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Up in the nursery with Tinka. She is very well. She is bathing her doll&#8212;of course, not in real water; I mean&#8212;she is a wax-doll, she only&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course.&#8221; The Consul drew a deep breath and went on: &#8220;Evidently you have not been informed as to&#8212;to the state of affairs with your husband.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had sat down in an arm-chair near the large table, and Tony placed herself at his feet on a little seat made of three cushions on top of one another. The finger of her right hand toyed gently with the diamond at her throat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Papa,&#8221; answered Tony. &#8220;I must confess I know nothing. Heavens, I am a goose!&#8212;I have no understanding at all. I heard Kesselmeyer talking lately to Gr&#252;nlich&#8212;at the end it seemed to me he was just joking again&#8212;he always talks so drolly. I heard your name once or twice&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You heard my name? In what connection?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I know nothing of the connection, Papa. Gr&#252;nlich has been insufferably sulky ever since that day, I must say. Until yesterday&#8212;yesterday he was in a good mood, and asked me a dozen times if I loved him, and if I would put in a good word for him with you if he had something to ask you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he told me he had written you and that you were coming here. It is good you have. Everything is so queer. Gr&#252;nlich had the card-table put in here. There are a lot of paper and pencils on it&#8212;for you to sit at, and hold a council together.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, my dear child,&#8221; said the Consul, stroking her hair. &#8220;I want to ask you something very serious. Tell me: you love your husband with your whole heart, don't you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course, Papa,&#8221; said Tony with a face of childlike hypocrisy&#8212;precisely the face of the child Tony when she was asked: &#8220;You won't tease the old doll-woman again, Tony?&#8221; The Consul was silent a minute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You love him so much,&#8221; he asked again, &#8220;that you could not live without him, under any circumstances, even if by God's will your situation should alter so that he could no longer surround you with all these things?&#8221; And his hand described a quick movement over the furniture and porti&#232;res, over the gilt clock on the &#233;tag&#232;re, and finally over her own frock.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly, Papa,&#8221; repeated Tony, in the soothing tone she nearly always used when any one spoke seriously to her. She looked past her father out of the window, where a heavy veil of rain was silently descending. Her face had the expression children wear when some one tells them a fairy story and then tactlessly introduces a generalization about conduct and duty&#8212;a mixture of embarrassment and impatience, piety and boredom.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul looked at her without speaking for a minute. Was he satisfied with her response? He had weighed everything thoroughly, at home and during the journey.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It is comprehensible that Johann Buddenbrook's first impulse was to refuse his son-in-law any considerable payment. But when he remembered how pressing&#8212;to use a mild word&#8212;he had been about this marriage; when he looked back into the past, and recalled the words: &#8220;Are you satisfied with me?&#8221; with which his child had taken leave of him after the wedding, he gave way to a burdensome sense of guilt against her and said to himself that the thing must be decided according to her feelings. He knew perfectly that she had not made the marriage out of love, but he was obliged to reckon with the possibility that these four years of life together and the birth of the child had changed matters; that Tony now felt bound body and soul to her husband and would be driven by considerations both spiritual and worldly to shrink from a separation. In such a case, the Consul argued, he must accommodate himself to the surrender of whatever sum was necessary. Christian duty and wifely feeling did indeed demand that Tony should follow her husband into misfortune; and if she actually took this resolve, he did not feel justified in letting her be deprived of all the ease and comfort to which she had been accustomed since childhood. He would feel himself obliged to avert the catastrophe, and to support B. Gr&#252;nlich at any price. Yet the final result of his considerations was the desire to take his daughter and her child home with him and let Gr&#252;nlich go his own way. God forbid that the worst should happen!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In any case, the Consul invoked the pronouncement of the law that a continued inability to provide for wife and children justified a separation. But, before everything, he must find out his daughter's real feelings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I see,&#8221; he said, &#8220;my dear child, that you are actuated by good and praiseworthy motives. But&#8212;I cannot believe that you are seeing the thing as, unhappily, it really is&#8212;namely, as actual fact. I have not asked what you would do in this or that case, but what you to-day, now, will do. I do not know how much of the situation you know or suspect. It is my painful duty to tell you that your husband is obliged to call his creditors together; that he cannot carry on his business any longer. I hope you understand me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gr&#252;nlich is bankrupt?&#8221; Tony asked under her breath, half rising from the cushions and seizing the Consul's hand quickly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, my child,&#8221; he said seriously. &#8220;You did not know it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My suspicions were not definite,&#8221; she stammered. &#8220;Then Kesselmeyer was not joking?&#8221; she went on, staring before her at the brown carpet. &#8220;Oh, my God!&#8221; she suddenly uttered, and sank back on her seat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In that minute all that was involved in the word &#8220;bankrupt&#8221; rose clearly before her: all the vague and fearful hints which she had heard as a child. &#8220;Bankrupt&#8221;&#8212;that was more dreadful than death, that was catastrophe, ruin, shame, disgrace, misery, despair. &#8220;He is bankrupt,&#8221; she repeated. She was so cast down and shaken by the fatal word that the idea of escape, of assistance from her father, never occurred to her. He looked at her with raised eyebrows, out of his small deep-set eyes, which were tired and sad and full of an unusual suspense. &#8220;I am asking you,&#8221; he said gently, &#8220;my dear Tony, if you are ready to follow your husband into misery?&#8221; He realized at once that he had used the hard word instinctively to frighten her, and he added: &#8220;He can work himself up again, of course.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly, Papa,&#8221; answered she. But it did not prevent her from bursting into tears. She sobbed into her batiste handkerchief, trimmed with lace and with the monogram A. G. She still wept just like a child; quite unaffectedly and without embarrassment. Her upper lip had the most touching expression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her father continued to probe her with his eyes. &#8220;That is your serious feeling, my child?&#8221; he asked. He was as simple as she.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must, mustn't I?&#8221; she sobbed. &#8220;Don't I have to&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly not,&#8221; he said. But with a guilty feeling he added: &#8220;I would not force you to it, my dear Tony. If it should be the case that your feelings did not bind you indissolubly to your husband&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She looked at him with uncomprehending, tear-streaming eyes. &#8220;How, Papa?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul twisted and turned, and found a compromise. &#8220;My dear child, you can understand how painful it would be for me to have to tell you all the hardships and suffering that would come about through the misfortune of your husband, the breaking-up of the business and of your household. I desire to spare you these first unpleasantnesses by taking you and little Erica home with me. You would be glad of that, I think?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony was silent a moment, drying her tears. She carefully breathed on her handkerchief and pressed it against her eyes to heal their inflammation. Then she asked in a firm tone, without lifting her voice: &#8220;Papa, is Gr&#252;nlich to blame? Is it his folly and lack of uprightness that has brought him to this?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very probably,&#8221; said the Consul. &#8220;That is&#8212;no, I don't know, my child. The explanation with him and the banker has not taken place yet.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She seemed not to be listening. She sat crouched on her three silk cushions, her elbow on her knee, her chin in her hand, and with her head bowed looked dreamily into the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, Papa,&#8221; she said softly, almost without moving her lips, &#8220;wouldn't it have been better&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul could not see her face&#8212;but it had the expression it often wore those summer evenings at Travem&#252;nde, as she leaned at the window of her little room. One arm rested on her Father's knee, the hand hanging down limply. This very hand was expressive of a sad and tender abandonment, a sweet, pensive longing, travelling back into the past.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Better?&#8221; asked Consul Buddenbrook. &#8220;If what, my child?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was thoroughly prepared for the confession that it would have been better had this marriage not taken place; but Tony only answered with a sigh: &#8220;Oh, nothing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She seemed rapt by her thoughts, which had borne her so far away that she had almost forgotten the &#8220;bankrupt.&#8221; The Consul felt himself obliged to utter what he would rather only have confirmed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think I guess your thoughts, Tony,&#8221; he said, &#8220;and I don't on my side hesitate to confess that in this hour I regret the step that seemed to me four years ago so wise and advisable. I believe, before God, I am not responsible. I think I did my duty in trying to give you an existence suitable to your station. Heaven has willed otherwise. You will not believe that your Father played lightly and unreflectingly with your happiness in those days! Gr&#252;nlich came to us with the best recommendations, a minister's son, a Christian and a cosmopolitan man. Later I made business inquiries, and it all sounded as favourable as possible. I examined the connections. All that is still very dark; and the explanation is yet to come. But you don't blame me&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Papa&#8212;how can you say such a thing? Come, don't take it to heart, poor Papa! You look pale. Shall I give you a little cordial?&#8221; She put her arm around his neck and kissed his cheek.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank you, no,&#8221; he said. &#8220;There, there! It is all right. Yes, I have bad days behind me. I have had much to try me. These are all trials sent from God. But that does not help my feeling a little guilty toward you, my child. Everything depends on the question I have already asked you. Speak openly, Tony. Have you learned to love your husband in these years of marriage?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony wept afresh; and covering her eyes with both hands, in which she held the batiste handkerchief, she sobbed out: &#8220;Oh, what are you asking me, Papa? I have never loved him&#8212;he has always been repulsive to me. You know that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It would be hard to say what went on in Johann Buddenbrook. His eyes looked shocked and sad; but he bit his lips hard together, and great wrinkles came in his cheeks, as they did when he had brought a piece of business to a successful conclusion. He said softly: &#8220;Four years&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony's tears ceased suddenly. With her damp handkerchief in her hand, she sat up straight on her seat and said angrily: &#8220;Four years! Yes! Sometimes, in those four years, he sat with me in the evening and read the paper.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God gave you a child,&#8221; said the Father, moved.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Papa. And I love Erica very much, although Gr&#252;nlich says I am not fond of children. I would not be parted from her, that is certain. But Gr&#252;nlich&#8212;no! Gr&#252;nlich, no. And now he is bankrupt. Ah, Papa, if you will take Erica and me home&#8212;oh, gladly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul compressed his lips again. He was extremely well satisfied. But the main point had yet to be touched upon; though, by the decision Tony showed, he did not risk much by asking.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You seem not to have thought it might be possible to do something, to get help. I have already said to you that I do not feel myself altogether innocent of the situation, and&#8212;in case you should expect&#8212;hope&#8212;I might intervene, to prevent the failure and cover your husband's debts, the best I could, and float his business&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He watched her keenly, and her bearing filled him with satisfaction. It expressed disappointment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How much is it?&#8221; she asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is that to the point, my child? A very large sum.&#8221; And Consul Buddenbrook nodded several times, as though the weight of the very thought of such a sum swung his head back and forth. &#8220;I should not conceal from you,&#8221; he went on, &#8220;that the firm has suffered losses already quite apart from this affair, and that the surrender of a sum like this would be a blow from which it would recover with difficulty. I do not in any way say this to&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He did not finish. Tony had sprung up, had even taken a few steps backward, and with the wet handkerchief still in her hand she cried: &#8220;Good! Enough! Never!&#8221; She looked almost heroic. The words &#8220;the firm&#8221; had struck home. It is highly probable that they had more effect than even her dislike of Herr Gr&#252;nlich. &#8220;You shall not do that, Papa,&#8221; she went on, quite beside herself. &#8220;Do you want to be bankrupt too? Never, never!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At this moment the hall door opened a little uncertainly and Herr Gr&#252;nlich entered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Johann Buddenbrook rose, with a movement that meant: &#8220;That's settled.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Herr Gr&#252;nlich's face was all mottled with red; but he had dressed carefully in a respectable-looking black coat and pea-green trousers like those in which he had made his first visits in Meng Street. He stood still, with his head down, looking very limp, and said in a weak exhausted sort of voice: &#8220;Father?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul bowed, not too cordially, and straightened his neck-cloth with an energetic movement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank you for coming,&#8221; said Herr Gr&#252;nlich.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was my duty, my friend,&#8221; replied the Consul. &#8220;But I am afraid it will be about all I can do for you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich threw him a quick look and seemed to grow still more limp.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I hear,&#8221; the Consul went on, &#8220;that your banker, Herr Kesselmeyer, is awaiting us&#8212;where shall the conference be held? I am at your service.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you will be so good as to follow me,&#8221; Herr Gr&#252;nlich murmured. Consul Buddenbrook kissed his daughter on the forehead and said, &#8220;Go up to your child, Antonie.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then he went, with Herr Gr&#252;nlich fluttering in front of and behind him to open the porti&#232;res, through the dining-room into the living-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Kesselmeyer stood at the window, the black and white down softly rising and falling upon his cranium.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Herr Kesselmeyer, Herr Consul Buddenbrook, my father-in-law,&#8221; said Herr Gr&#252;nlich, meekly. The Consul's face was impassive. Herr Kesselmeyer bowed with his arms hanging down, both yellow teeth against his upper lip, and said &#8220;Pleasure to meet you, Herr Consul.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Please excuse us for keeping you waiting, Kesselmeyer,&#8221; said Herr Gr&#252;nlich. He was not more polite to one than to the other. &#8220;Pray sit down.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As they went into the smoking-room, Herr Kesselmeyer said vivaciously: &#8220;Have you had a pleasant journey? Ah, rain? Yes, it is a bad time of year, a dirty time. If we had a little frost, or snow, now&#8212;but rain, filth&#8212;very, very unpleasant.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a queer creature!&#8221; thought the Consul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the centre of the little room with its dark-flowered wall-paper stood a sizable square table covered with green baize. It rained harder and harder; it was so dark that the first thing Herr Gr&#252;nlich did was to light the three candles on the table. Business letters on blue paper, stamped with the names of various firms, torn and soiled papers with dates and signatures, lay on the green cloth. There were a thick ledger and a metal inkstand and sand-holder, full of well-sharpened pencils and goose-quills.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich did the honours with the subdued and tactful mien of a man greeting guests at a funeral. &#8220;Dear Father, do take the easy-chair,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Herr Kesselmeyer, will you be so kind as to sit here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last they were settled. The banker sat opposite the host, the Consul presided on the long side of the table. The back of his chair was against the hall door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Kesselmeyer bent over, released his upper lip, disentangled a glass from his waistcoat and stuck it on his nose, which he wrinkled for the purpose, and opened his mouth wide. Then he scratched his stubbly beard with an ugly rasping noise, put his hands on his knees, and remarked in a sprightly tone, jerking his head toward the piles of papers: &#8220;Well, there we have the whole boiling.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;May I look into matters a little more closely?&#8221; asked the Consul, taking up the ledger. But Herr Gr&#252;nlich suddenly stretched out his hands over the table&#8212;long, trembling hands marked with high blue veins&#8212;and cried out in a voice that trembled too: &#8220;A moment, Father. Just a moment. Let me make just a few explanations. Yes, you will get an insight into everything&#8212;nothing will escape your glance; but, believe me, you will get an insight into the situation of an unfortunate, not a guilty man. You see in me a man who fought unwearied against fate, but was finally struck down. I am innocent of all&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We shall see, my friend, we shall see,&#8221; said the Consul, with obvious impatience; and Herr Gr&#252;nlich took his hands away and resigned himself to his fate.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then there were long dreadful minutes of silence. The three gentlemen sat close together in the flickering candle-light, shut in by the four dark walls. There was not a sound but the rustling of the Consul's papers and the falling rain outside.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Kesselmeyer stuck his thumbs in the arm-holes of his waistcoat and played piano on his shoulders with his fingers, looking with indescribable jocosity from one to the other. Herr Gr&#252;nlich sat upright in his chair, hands on the table, staring gloomily before him, and now and then stealing an anxious glance at his father-in-law out of the tail of his eye. The Consul examined the ledger, followed columns of figures with his finger, compared dates, and did indecipherable little sums in lead-pencil on a scrap of paper. His worn features expressed astonishment and dismay at the conditions into which he now &#8220;gained an insight.&#8221; Finally he laid his left arm on Herr Gr&#252;nlich's and said with evident emotion: &#8220;You poor man!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father,&#8221; Herr Gr&#252;nlich broke out. Two great tears rolled down his cheeks and ran into the golden whiskers. Herr Kesselmeyer followed their course with the greatest interest. He even raised himself a little, bent over, and looked his vis-&#224;-vis in the face, with his mouth open. Consul Buddenbrook was moved. Softened by his own recent misfortunes, he felt himself carried away by sympathy; but he controlled his feelings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How is it possible?&#8221; he said, with a sad head-shake. &#8220;In so few years&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, that's simple,&#8221; answered Herr Kesselmeyer, good-temperedly. &#8220;One can easily ruin oneself in four years. When we remember that it took an even shorter time for Westfall Brothers in Bremen to go smash&#8212;&#8221; The Consul stared at him, but without either seeing or hearing him. He himself had not expressed his own actual thoughts, his real misgivings. Why, he asked himself with puzzled suspicion, why was this happening now? It was as clear as daylight that, just where he stood to-day, B. Gr&#252;nlich had stood two years, three years before. But his credit had been inexhaustible, he had had capital from the banks, and for his undertakings continual endorsement from sound houses like Senator Bock and Consul Goudstikker. His paper had passed as current as banknotes. Why now, precisely now&#8212;and the head of the firm of Johann Buddenbrook knew well what he meant by this &#8220;now&#8221;&#8212;had there come this crash on all sides, this complete withdrawal of credit as if by common consent, this unanimous descent upon B. Gr&#252;nlich, this disregard of all consideration, all ordinary business courtesy? The Consul would have been na&#239;ve indeed had he not realized that the good standing of his own firm was to the advantage of his son-in-law. But had the son-in-law's credit so entirely, so strikingly, so exclusively depended upon his own? Had Gr&#252;nlich himself been nothing at all? And the information the Consul had had, the books he had examined&#8212;? Well, however the thing stood, his resolution was firmer than ever not to lift a finger. They had reckoned without their host.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Apparently B. Gr&#252;nlich had known how to make it appear that he was connected with the firm of Buddenbrook&#8212;well, this widely-circulated error should be set right once for all. And this Kesselmeyer&#8212;he was going to get a shock too. The clown! Had he no conscience whatever? It was very plain how shamelessly he had speculated on the probability that he, Johann Buddenbrook, would not let his daughter's husband be ruined; how he had continued to finance Gr&#252;nlich long after he was unsound, and exacted from him an ever crueller rate of interest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now,&#8221; he said shortly, &#8220;let us get to the point. If I am asked as a merchant to say frankly what I think, I am obliged to say that if the situation is that of an unfortunate man, it is also in a great degree that of a guilty one.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father!&#8221; stammered Herr Gr&#252;nlich.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The name does not come well to my ears,&#8221; said the Consul, quickly and harshly. &#8220;Your demands on Herr Gr&#252;nlich amount, sir&#8221;&#8212;turning for a moment to the banker&#8212;&#8220;to sixty thousand marks, I believe?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;With the back interest they come to sixty-eight thousand seven hundred and fifty-five marks and fifteen shillings,&#8221; answered Herr Kesselmeyer pleasantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very good. And you would not be inclined under any circumstances to be patient for a longer time?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Kesselmeyer simply began to laugh. He laughed with his mouth open, in spasms, without a trace of scorn, even good-naturedly, looking at the Consul as though he were inviting him to join in the fun.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Johann Buddenbrook's little deep eyes clouded over and began to show red rims around them that ran down to the cheek-bones. He had only asked for form's sake, being aware that a postponement on the part of one creditor would not materially alter the situation. But the manner of this man's refusal was mortifying indeed. With a motion of the hand he pushed away everything from in front of him, laid the pencil down with a jerk on the table, and said, &#8220;Then I must express myself as unwilling to concern myself any further with this affair.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, ha!&#8221; cried Herr Kesselmeyer, shaking his hands in the air. &#8220;That's the way to talk. The Herr Consul will settle everything out of hand&#8212;we shan't have any long speeches. Without more ado.&#8221; Johann Buddenbrook did not even look at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I cannot help you, my friend.&#8221; He turned calmly to Herr Gr&#252;nlich. &#8220;Things must go on as they have begun. Pull yourself together, and God will give you strength and consolation. I must consider our interview at an end.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Kesselmeyer's face took on a serious expression which was vastly becoming to it. But then he nodded encouragingly to Herr Gr&#252;nlich. The latter sat motionless at the table, only wringing his hands so hard that the fingers cracked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father&#8212;Herr Consul,&#8221; he said, with a trembling voice. &#8220;You will not&#8212;you cannot desire my ruin. Listen. It is a matter of a hundred and twenty thousand marks in all&#8212;you can save me! You are a rich man. Regard it as you like&#8212;as a final arrangement, as your daughter's inheritance, as a loan subject to interest. I will work&#8212;you know I am keen and resourceful&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have spoken my last word,&#8221; said the Consul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Permit me&#8212;may I ask whether you could if you would?&#8221; asked Herr Kesselmeyer, looking at him through his glasses, with his nose wrinkled up. &#8220;I suggest to the Consul that this would be a most advantageous time to display the strength of the firm of Buddenbrook.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You would do well, sir, to leave the good name of my house to me. I do not need to throw my money in the nearest ditch in order to show how good my credit is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dear me, no, of course not&#8212;ditch, ah, ha!&#8212;Ditch is very funny. But doesn't the gentleman think the failure of his son-in-law places his own credit in a bad light&#8212;er&#8212;ah&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can only recommend you again to remember that my credit in the business world is entirely my own affair,&#8221; said the Consul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich looked at his banker helplessly and began afresh: &#8220;Father! I implore you again: think what you are doing. Is it a question of me alone? I&#8212;oh, I myself might be allowed to perish. But your daughter, my wife, whom I love, whom I won after such a struggle&#8212;and our child&#8212;both innocent children&#8212;are they to be brought low as well? No, Father, I will not bear it; I will kill myself. Yes, I would kill myself with this hand. Believe me&#8212;and may heaven pardon you if it will.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Johann Buddenbrook leaned back in his arm-chair quite white, with a fast-beating heart. For the second time the emotions of this man played upon him, and their expression had the stamp of truth; again he heard, as when he told Herr Gr&#252;nlich the contents of his daughter's letter from Travem&#252;nde, the same terrible threat, and again there shuddered through him all the fanatical reverence of his generation for human feelings, which yet had always been in conflict with his own hard practical sense. But the attack lasted no longer than a moment. &#8220;A hundred thousand marks,&#8221; he repeated to himself; and then he said quietly and decisively: &#8220;Antonie is my daughter. I shall know how to protect her from unmerited suffering.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean by that?&#8221; asked Herr Gr&#252;nlich, slowly stiffening.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That you will see,&#8221; answered the Consul. &#8220;For the present I have nothing to add.&#8221; And he got up, pushed back his chair, and turned toward the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gr&#252;nlich sat silent, stiff, irresolute; his mouth opened and closed without a word coming out. But the sprightliness of Herr Kesselmeyer returned at this conclusive action of the Consul. Yes, it got the upper hand entirely, it passed all bounds, it became frightful. The glasses fell from his nose, which went skyward, while his little mouth, with the two triangular yellow teeth, looked as though it were splitting. He rowed with his little red hands in the air, the fuzz on his head waved up and down, his whole face, with its bristly white beard distorted and grotesque with uncontrolled hilarity&#8212;had grown the colour of cinnamon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, ha, ha, ah, ha!&#8221; he yelled, his voice cracking. &#8220;I find that in the last&#8212;degree&#8212;funny! You ought to consider, Consul Buddenbrook, before you consign to the grave such a valuable&#8212;such a supreme specimen of a son-in-law. Anything so shrewd, so resourceful as he is, won't be born upon God's wide earth a second time. Aha! Four years ago&#8212;when the knife was at our throat, the rope around our neck&#8212;suddenly we made a match with Fr&#228;ulein Buddenbrook, and spread the news on 'Change, even before it had actually come off! Congratulations, my dear friend; my best respects!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kesselmeyer,&#8221; groaned Herr Gr&#252;nlich, making spasmodic motions with his hands, as though waving off an evil spirit. He rushed into one corner of the room, where he sat down and buried his face in his hands. The ends of his whiskers lay on his shanks, and he rocked his knees up and down in his emotion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How did we do that?&#8221; went on Herr Kesselmeyer. &#8220;How did we actually manage to catch the little daughter and the eighty thousand marks? O-ho, ah, ha! That is easy. Even if one has no more shrewdness and resourcefulness than a tallow candle, it is easy! You show the saviour Papa nice, pretty, clean books, in which everything is put in the right way&#8212;only that they don't quite correspond with the plain fact&#8212;for the plain fact is that three-quarters of the dowry is already debts.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul stood at the door deathly pale, the handle in his hand. Shivers ran up and down his back. He seemed to be standing in this little room lighted by the flickering candles, between a swindler and an ape gone mad with spite.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I despise your words, sir,&#8221; he brought out with uncertain emphasis. &#8220;I despise your wild utterances the more that they concern me as well. I did not hand my daughter over light-headedly to misfortune; I informed myself as to my son-in-law's prospects. The rest was God's will.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He turned&#8212;he would not hear any more&#8212;he opened the door. But Herr Kesselmeyer shrieked after him: &#8220;Aha, inquiries? Where? Of Bock? Of Goudstikker? Of Petersen? Of Massmann and Timm? They were all in it. They were all in it up to their necks. They were all uncommonly pleased to be secured by the wedding&#8212;&#8221; The Consul slammed the door behind him.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IX&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Dora the cook, about whose honesty Tony had had her doubts, was busy in the dining-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ask Madame Gr&#252;nlich to come down,&#8221; ordered the Consul. &#8220;Get yourself ready, my child,&#8221; he said as Tony appeared. He went with her into the salon. &#8220;Get ready as soon as possible, and get Erica ready too. We are going to the city. We shall sleep to-night in a hotel and travel home to-morrow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Papa,&#8221; Tony said. Her face was red; she was distracted and bewildered. She made unnecessary and hurried motions about her waist, as if not knowing where to begin and not grasping the actuality of the occasion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What shall I take, Papa?&#8221; she asked distractedly. &#8220;Everything? All our clothes? One trunk or two? Is Gr&#252;nlich really bankrupt? Oh, my God! But can I take my jewelry, then? Papa, the servants must leave&#8212;I cannot pay them. Gr&#252;nlich was to have given me housekeeping money to-day or to-morrow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never mind, my child; things will all be arranged here. Just take what is necessary in a small trunk. They can send your own things after you. Hurry, do you hear?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Just then the porti&#232;res were parted and Herr Gr&#252;nlich came into the salon. With quick steps, his arms outstretched, his head on one side, with the bearing of a man who says: &#8220;Here I am; kill me if you will,&#8221; he hurried to his wife and sank down on his knees right in front of her. His appearance was pitiable. His golden whiskers were dishevelled, his coat crumpled, his neck-cloth askew, his collar open; little drops stood upon his forehead.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Antonie!&#8221; he said. &#8220;Have you a heart that can feel? Hear me. You see before you a man who will be utterly ruined, if&#8212;yes, who will die of grief, if you deny him your love. Here I lie; can you find it in your heart to say to me: &#8216;I despise you&#8212;I am leaving you'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony wept. It was just the same as that time in the landscape-room. Once more she saw his anguished face, his imploring eyes directed upon her; again she saw, and was moved to see, that this pleading, this anguish, were real and unfeigned.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Get up, Gr&#252;nlich,&#8221; she said, sobbing. &#8220;Please, please get up.&#8221; She tried to raise his shoulders. &#8220;I do not despise you. How can you say such a thing?&#8221; Without knowing what else she should say, she turned helplessly to her father. The Consul took her hand, bowed to his son-in-law, and moved with her toward the hall door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are going?&#8221; cried Herr Gr&#252;nlich, springing to his feet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have told you already,&#8221; said the Consul, &#8220;that I cannot be responsible for leaving my innocent child in misfortune&#8212;and I might add that you cannot, either. No, sir, you have misprized the possession of my daughter. You may thank your Creator that the child's heart is so pure and unsuspicious that she parts from you without repulsion. Farewell.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But here Herr Gr&#252;nlich lost his head. He could have borne to hear of a brief parting&#8212;of a return and a new life and perhaps the saving of the inheritance. But this was too much for his powers of self-command, his shrewdness and resource. He might have taken the large bronze plaque that stood on the &#233;tag&#232;re, but he seized instead a thin painted vase with flowers that stood next it, and threw it on the ground so that it smashed into a thousand bits.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ha, good, good!&#8221; he screamed. &#8220;Get along with you! Did you think I'd whine after you, you goose? You are very much mistaken, my darling. I only married you for your money; and it was not nearly enough, so you may as well go home. I'm through with you&#8212;through&#8212;through&#8212;through!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Johann Buddenbrook ushered his daughter silently out. Then he turned, went up to Herr Gr&#252;nlich, who was standing in the window with his hands behind his back staring out at the rain, touched him softly on the shoulder, and spoke with soft admonishment. &#8220;Pull yourself together. &lt;i&gt;Pray&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER X&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;A chastened mood reigned for some time at the old house in Meng Street after Madame Gr&#252;nlich and her little daughter returned thither to take up their abode. The family went about rather subdued and did not speak much about &#8220;it,&#8221; with the exception of the chief actor in the affair, who, on the contrary, talked about &#8220;it&#8221; inexhaustibly, and was entirely in her element.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony had moved with Erica into the rooms in the second storey which her parents had occupied in the time of the elder Buddenbrooks. She was a little disappointed to find that it did not occur to her Papa to engage a servant for her, and she had rather a pensive half-hour when he gently explained that it would be fitting for her to live a retired life and give up the society of the town: for though, he said, according to human judgments she was an innocent victim of the fate which God had sent to try her, still her position as a divorced wife made a very quiet life advisable, particularly at first. But Tony possessed the gift of adaptability. She could adjust herself with ease and cheerfulness to any situation. She soon grew charmed with her r&#244;le of the injured wife returned to the house of her fathers; wore dark frocks, dressed her ash-blonde hair primly like a young girl's, and felt richly repaid for her lack of society by the weight she had acquired in the household, the seriousness and dignity of her new position, and above all by the immense pleasure of being able to talk about Herr Gr&#252;nlich and her marriage and to make general observations about life and destiny, which she did with the utmost gusto.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Not everybody gave her this opportunity, it is true. The Frau Consul was convinced that her husband had acted correctly and out of a sense of duty; but when Tony began to talk, she would put up her lovely white hand and say: &#8220;Assez, my child; I do not like to hear about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Clara, now twelve years old, understood nothing, and Cousin Clothilde was just as stupid. &#8220;Oh, Tony!&#8221;&#8212;that was all she could say, with drawling astonishment. But the young wife found an attentive listener in Mamsell Jungmann, who was now thirty-five years old and could boast of having grown grey in the service of the best society. &#8220;You don't need to worry, Tony, my child,&#8221; she would say. &#8220;You are young; you will marry again.&#8221; And she devoted herself to the upbringing of little Erica, telling her the same stories, the same memories of her youth, to which the Consul's children had listened fifteen years before; and, in particular, of that uncle who died of hiccoughs at Marienwerder &#8220;because his heart was broken.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But it was with her father that Tony talked most and longest. She liked to catch him after the noonday meal or in the morning at early breakfast. Their relations had grown closer and warmer; for her feeling had been heretofore one of awe and respect rather than affection, on account of his high position in the town, his piety, his solid, stern ability and industry. During that talk in her own salon he had come humanly near to her, and it had filled her with pride and emotion to be found worthy of that serious and confidential consultation. He, the infallible parent, had put the decision into her hands: he had confessed, almost humbly, to a sense of guilt. Such an idea would never have entered Tony's head of itself; but since he said it, she believed it, and her feeling for him had thereby grown warmer and tenderer. As for the Consul, he believed himself bound to make up to his daughter for her misfortune by redoubled love and care.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Johann Buddenbrook had himself taken no steps against his untrustworthy son-in-law. Tony and her Mother did hear from him, in the course of conversation, what dishonourable means Gr&#252;nlich had used to get hold of the eighty thousand marks; but the Consul was careful to give the matter no publicity. He did not even consider going to the courts with it. He felt wounded in his pride as a merchant, and he wrestled silently with the disgrace of having been so thoroughly taken in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But he pressed the divorce suit energetically as soon as the failure of Gr&#252;nlich came out, which it soon did, thereby causing no inconsiderable losses to certain Hamburg firms.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was this suit, and the thought that she herself was a principal in it, that gave Tony her most delicious and indescribable feelings of importance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father,&#8221; she said&#8212;for in these conversations she never called him &#8220;Papa&#8221;&#8212;&#8220;Father, how is our affair going on? Do you think it will be all right? The paragraph is perfectly clear; I have studied it. &#8216;Incapacity of the husband to provide for his family': surely they will say that is quite plain. If there were a son, Gr&#252;nlich would keep him&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Another time she said: &#8220;I have thought a great deal about the four years of my marriage, Father. That was certainly the reason the man never wanted us to live in the town, which I was so anxious to do. That was the reason he never liked me even to be in the town or go into society. The danger was much greater there than in Eimsb&#252;ttel, of my hearing somehow or other how things stood. What a scoundrel!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We must not judge, my child,&#8221; answered the Consul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Or, when the divorce was finally pronounced: &#8220;Have you entered it in the family papers, Father? No? Then I'd better do it. Please give me the key to the secretary.&#8221; With bustling pride she wrote, beneath the lines she had set there four years ago under her name: &#8220;This marriage was dissolved by law in February, 1850.&#8221; Then she put away the pen and reflected a minute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father,&#8221; she said, &#8220;I understand very well that this affair is a blot on our family history. I have thought about it a great deal. It is exactly as if there were a spot of ink in the book here. But never mind. That is my affair. I will erase it. I am still young. Don't you think I am still quite pretty? Though Frau Stuht, when she saw me again, said to me: &#8216;Oh, Heavens, Mme. Gr&#252;nlich, how old you've grown!' Well, I certainly couldn't remain all my life the goose I was four years ago! Life takes one along with it. Anyhow, I shall marry again. You will see, everything can be put right by a good marriage.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is in God's hand, my child. It is most unfitting to speak of such things.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony began at this time to use very frequently the expression &#8220;Such is life&#8221;; and with the word &#8220;life&#8221; she would open her eyes wide with a charming serious look, indicating the deep insight she had acquired into human affairs and human destinies.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas returned from Pau in August of that year. The dining-table was opened out again, and Tony had a fresh audience for her tale. She loved and looked up to her brother, who had felt for her pain in that departure from Travem&#252;nde, and she respected him as the future head of the firm and the family.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes,&#8221; he said; &#8220;we've both of us gone through things, Tony.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The corner of his eyebrow went up, and his cigarette moved from one corner of his mouth to the other: his thoughts were probably with the little flower-girl with the Malay face, who had lately married the son of her employer and now herself carried on the shop in Fishers' Lane.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook, though still a little pale, was strikingly elegant. The last few years had entirely completed his education. His hair was brushed so that it stood out in two clumps above his ears, and his moustache was trimmed in the French mode, with sharp points that were stiffened with the tongs and stuck straight out. His stocky broad-shouldered figure had an almost military air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His constitution was not of the best; the blue veins showed too plainly at the narrow temples, and he had a slight tendency to chills, which good Dr. Grabow struggled with in vain. In the details of his physical appearance&#8212;the chin, the nose, and especially the hands, which were wonderfully true to the Buddenbrook type&#8212;his likeness to his grandfather was more pronounced than ever.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He spoke French with a distinctly Spanish accent, and astonished everybody by his enthusiasm for certain modern writers of a satiric and polemic character. Broker Gosch was the only person in town who sympathized with his tastes. His father strongly reprehended them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the Father's pride and joy in his eldest son were plain to be seen; they shone in the Consul's eyes. He welcomed him joyfully home as his colleague in the firm, and himself began to work with increased satisfaction in his office&#8212;especially after the death of old Madame Kr&#246;ger, which took place at the end of the year.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old lady's loss was one to be borne with resignation. She had grown very old, and lived quite alone at the end. She went to God, and the firm of Buddenbrooks received a large sum of money, a round hundred thousand thaler, which strengthened the working capital of the business in a highly desirable way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul's brother-in-law Justus, weary of continual business disappointments, as soon as he had his hands on his inheritance settled his business and retired. The gay son of the cavalier &#224;-la-mode was not a happy man. He had been too careless, too generous to attain a solid position in the mercantile world. But he had already spent a considerable part of his inheritance; and now Jacob, his eldest son, was the source of fresh cares to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The young man had become addicted to light, not to say disreputable, society in the great city of Hamburg. He had cost his father a huge sum in the course of years, and when Consul Kr&#246;ger refused to give him more, the mother, a weak, sickly woman, sent money secretly to the son, and wretched clouds had sprung up between husband and wife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The final blow came at the very time when B. Gr&#252;nlich was making his failure: something happened at Dalbeck and Company in Hamburg, where Jacob Kr&#246;ger worked. There had been some kind of dishonesty. It was not talked about; no questions were asked of Justus Kr&#246;ger; but it got about that Jacob had a position as travelling man in New York and was about to sail. He was seen once in the town before his boat left, a foppishly dressed, unwholesome-looking youth. He had probably come hither to get more money out of his mother, besides the passage money his father sent him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It finally came about that Justus spoke exclusively of &#8220;my son,&#8221; as though he had none but the one heir, his second son, J&#252;rgen, who would certainly never be guilty of a false step, but who seemed on the other hand to be mentally limited. He had had difficulty getting through the High School; after which he spent some time in Jena, studying law&#8212;evidently without either pleasure or profit.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Johann Buddenbrook felt keenly the cloud on his wife's family and looked with the more anxiety to the future of his own children. He was justified in placing the utmost confidence in the ability and earnestness of his older son. As for Christian, Mr. Richardson had written that he showed an unusual gift for acquiring English, but no genuine interest in the business. He had a great weakness for the theatre and for other distractions of the great city. Christian himself wrote that he had a longing to travel and see the world. He begged eagerly to be allowed to take a position &#8220;over there&#8221;&#8212;which meant in South America, perhaps in Chile. &#8220;That's simply love of adventure,&#8221; the Consul said, and told him to remain with Mr. Richardson for another year and acquire mercantile experience. There followed an exchange of letters on the subject, with the result that in the summer of 1851 Christian Buddenbrook sailed for Valparaiso, where he had hunted up a position. He travelled direct from England, without coming home.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So much for his two sons. As for Tony, the Consul was gratified to see with what self-possession she defended her position in the town as a Buddenbrook born; for as a divorced wife she had naturally to overcome all sorts of prejudice on the part of the other families.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh!&#8221; she said, coming back with flushed cheeks from a walk and throwing her hat on the sofa in the landscape-room. &#8220;This Juliet M&#246;llendorpf, or Hagenstr&#246;m&#8212;or Semmlinger&#8212;whatever she is, the creature!&#8212;Imagine, Mamma! She doesn't speak. She doesn't say &#8216;How do you do': She waits for me to speak first. What do you say to that? I passed her in Broad Street with my head up and looked straight at her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You go too far, Tony. There is a limit to everything. Why shouldn't you speak first? You are the same age, and she is a married woman, just as you were.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never, Mamma! Never under the shining sun! Such rag-tag and bob-tail!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Assez, my love. Such vulgar expressions&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, it makes me feel perfectly beside myself!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her hatred of the upstart family was fed by the mere thought that the Hagenstr&#246;ms might now feel justified in looking down on her&#8212;especially considering the present good fortune of the clan. Old Heinrich had died at the beginning of 1851, and his son Hermann&#8212;he of the lemon buns and the boxes on the ear&#8212;was doing a very brilliant business with Herr Strunk as partner. He had married, less than a year later, the daughter of Consul Huneus, the richest man in town, who had made enough out of his business to leave each of his three children two million marks. Hermann's brother Moritz, despite his lung trouble, had a brilliant career as student, and had now settled down in the town to practise law. He had a reputation for being able, witty, and literary, and soon acquired a considerable business. He did not look like the Semmlingers, having a yellow face and pointed teeth with wide spaces between.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Even in the family Tony had to take care to hold her head up. Uncle Gotthold's temper toward his fortunate step-brother had grown more mild and resigned now that he had given up business and spent his time care-free in his modest house, munching lozenges out of a tin box&#8212;he loved sweets. Still, considering his three unmarried daughters, he could not have failed to feel a quiet satisfaction over Tony's unfortunate venture; and his wife, born St&#252;wing, and his three daughters, twenty-six, twenty-seven, and twenty-eight years old, showed an exaggerated interest in their cousin's misfortune and the divorce proceedings; more, in fact, than they had in her betrothal and wedding. When the &#8220;children's Thursdays&#8221; began again in Meng Street after old Madame Kr&#246;ger's death, Tony found it no easy work to defend herself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, heavens, you poor thing!&#8221; said Pfiffi, the youngest, who was little and plump, with a droll way of shaking herself at every word. A drop of water always came in the corner of her mouth when she spoke. &#8220;Has the decree been pronounced? Are you exactly as you were before?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, on the contrary,&#8221; said Henriette, who like her elder sister, was extraordinarily tall and withered-looking. &#8220;You are much worse off than if you had never married at all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; Friederike chimed in. &#8220;Then it is ever so much better never to have married at all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, dear Friederike,&#8221; said Tony, erecting her head, while she bethought herself of a telling and clever retort. &#8220;You make a mistake there. Marriage teaches one to know life, you see. One is no longer a silly goose. And then I have more prospect of marrying again than those who have never married at all!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh!&#8221; cried the others with one voice. They said it with a long hissing intake of breath which made it sound very sceptical indeed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sesemi Weichbrodt was too good and tactful even to mention the subject. Tony sometimes visited her former teacher in the little red house at Millbrink No. 7. It was still occupied by a troop of girls, though the boarding-school was slowly falling out of fashion. The lively old maid was also invited to Meng Street on occasion to partake of a haunch of venison or a stuffed goose. She always raised herself on tip-toe to kiss Tony on the forehead, with a little exploding noise. Madame Kethelsen, her simple sister, had grown rapidly deaf and had understood almost nothing of Tony's affair. She still laughed her painfully hearty laugh on the most unsuitable occasions, and Sesemi still felt it necessary to rap on the table and cry &#8220;Nally!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The years went on. Gradually people forgot their feelings over Tony's affair. She herself would only think now and then of her married life, when she saw on Erica's healthy, hearty little face some expression that reminded her of Bendix Gr&#252;nlich. She dressed again in colours, wore her hair in the old way, and made the same old visits into society.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Still, she was always glad that she had the chance to be away from the town for some time in the summer. The Consul's health made it necessary for him to visit various cures.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, what it is to grow old!&#8221; he said. &#8220;If I get a spot of coffee on my trousers and put a drop of cold water on it, I have rheumatism. When one is young, one can do anything.&#8221; He suffered at times also from spells of dizziness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They went to Obersalzbrunn, to Ems and Baden-Baden, to Kissingen, whence they made a delightful and edifying journey to Nuremberg and Munich and the Salzburg neighbourhood, to Ischl and Vienna, Prague, Dresden, Berlin, and home again. Madame Gr&#252;nlich had been suffering from a nervous affection of the digestion, and was obliged to take a strenuous cure at the baths; but nevertheless she found the journey a highly desirable change, for she did not conceal her opinion that it was a little slow at home.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Heavens, yes&#8212;you know how it is, Father,&#8221; she would say, regarding the ceiling with a thoughtful air. &#8220;Of course, I have learned what life is like&#8212;but just for that reason it is rather a dull prospect for me to be always sitting here at home like a stupid goose. I hope you don't think I mean I do not like to be with you, Papa. I ought to be whipped if I did, it would be so ungrateful. But I only mean life is like that, you know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The hardest thing she had to bear was the increasing piety of her parents' home. The Consul's religious fervour grew upon him in proportion as he himself felt the weight of years and infirmity; and his wife too, as she got older, began to find the spiritual side to her taste. Prayers had always been customary in the Buddenbrook house, but now for some time the family and the servants had assembled mornings and evenings in the breakfast-room to hear the Master read the Bible. And the visits of ministers and missionaries increased more and more from year to year. The godly patrician house in Meng Street, where, by the way, such good dinners were to be had, had been known for years as a spiritual haven to the Lutheran and reformed clergy and to both foreign and home missions. From all quarters of the Fatherland came long-haired, black-coated gentlemen, to enjoy the pious intercourse and the nourishing meals, and to be furnished with the sinews of their spiritual warfare. The ministers of the town went in and out as friends of the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tom was much too discreet and prudent even to let any one see him smile; but Tony mocked quite openly. She even, sad to say, made fun of these pious worthies whenever she had a chance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sometimes when the Frau Consul had a headache, it was Tony's turn to play the housekeeper and order the dinner. One day, when a strange clergyman whose appetite was the subject of general hilarity, was a guest, Tony mischievously ordered &#8220;bacon broth,&#8221; the famous local dish: a bouillon made with sour cabbage, in which was served the entire meal&#8212;ham, potatoes, beet-root, cauliflower, peas, beans, pears, sour plums, and goodness knows what, juice and all&#8212;a dish which nobody except those born to it could possibly eat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I do hope you are enjoying the soup, Herr Pastor,&#8221; she said several times. &#8220;No? Oh, dear, who would have thought it?&#8221; And she made a very roguish face, and ran her tongue over her lips, a trick she had when she thought of some prank or other.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The fat man laid down his spoon resignedly and said mildly: &#8220;I will wait till the next course.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; the Frau Consul said hastily, &#8220;there is a little something afterwards.&#8221; But a &#8220;next course&#8221; was unthinkable, after this mighty dish; and despite the French toast and apple jelly which finished the meal, the reverend guest had to rise hungry from table, while Tony tittered, and Tom, with fine self-control, lifted one eyebrow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Another time Tony stood with Stina, the cook, in domestic discourse in the entry, when Pastor Mathias from Kannstadt, who was stopping a few days in the house, came back from a walk and rang at the outer door. Stina ran to open, with her peasant waddle, and the Pastor, with the view of saying an edifying word and testing her a little, asked in a friendly tone: &#8220;Do you love the Master?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Perhaps he had the idea of giving her a tip if she professed herself on the side of the Saviour.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lord, Herr Pastor,&#8221; said Stina, trembling and blushing, with wide eyes. &#8220;Which one do Herr Pastor mean? T' old un or t' young un?&#8221; Madame Gr&#252;nlich did not fail to tell the story at the table, so that even the Frau Consul burst out into her sputtering Kr&#246;ger laugh. The Consul, however, looked down in displeasure at his plate.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A misunderstanding,&#8221; said Herr Mathias, highly embarrassed.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER XI&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;What follows happened in the late summer of 1855, on a Sunday afternoon. The Buddenbrooks were sitting in the landscape-room waiting for the Consul, who was below dressing himself. They had arranged to take a holiday walk to a pleasure garden outside the City Gate, where, all except Clara and Clothilde, they were to drink coffee and, if the weather permitted, go for a row on the river. Clara and Clothilde went always on Sunday evenings to the house of a friend, where they knitted stockings for little negro children.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Papa is ridiculous,&#8221; Tony said, using her habitual strong language. &#8220;Can he never be ready on time? He sits and sits and sits at his desk: something or other &lt;i&gt;must&lt;/i&gt; be finished&#8212;good heavens, perhaps it is something really necessary, I don't know. But I don't believe we should actually become bankrupt if he put down his pen a quarter of an hour sooner. Well, when it is already ten minutes too late, he remembers his appointment and comes upstairs, always two steps at a time, although he knows he will get palpitation at the top. And it is like that at every company, before every expedition. Isn't it possible for him to leave himself time enough? And stop soon enough? It's so irresponsible of him; you ought to talk to him about it, Mamma.&#8221; She sat on the sofa beside her Mother, dressed in the changeable silk that was fashionable that summer; while the Frau Consul wore a heavy grey ribbed silk trimmed with black lace, and a cap of lace and stiffened tulle, tied under her chin with a satin bow. The lappets of her cap fell down on her breast. Her smooth hair was still inexorably reddish-blond in colour, and she held a work-bag in both her white delicately veined hands. Tom was lounging in an easy-chair beside her smoking his cigarette, while Clara and Clothilde sat opposite each other at the window. It was a mystery how much good and nourishing food that poor Clothilde could absorb daily without any result whatever! She grew thinner and thinner, and her shapeless black frock did not conceal the fact. Her face was as long, straight, and expressionless as ever, her hair as smooth and ash-coloured, her nose as straight, but full of large pores and getting thick at the end.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't you think it will rain?&#8221; said Clara. The young girl had the habit of not elevating her voice at the end of a question and of looking everybody straight in the face with a pronounced and rather forbidding look. Her brown frock was relieved only by a little stiff turn-over collar and cuffs. She sat straight up, her hands in her lap. The servants had more respect for her than for any one else in the family; it was she who held the services morning and evening now, for the Consul could not read aloud without getting a feeling of oppression in the head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Shall you take your new Baschlik?&#8221; she asked again. &#8220;The rain will spoil it. It would be a pity. I think it would be better to put off the party.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; said Tom. &#8220;The Kistenmakers are coming. It doesn't matter. The barometer went down so suddenly&#8212;. There will be a storm&#8212;it will pour, but not last long. Papa is not ready yet; so we can wait till it is over.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul raised a protesting hand. &#8220;You think there will be a severe storm, Tom? You know I am afraid of them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; Tom answered. &#8220;I was down at the harbour this morning talking to Captain Kloot. He is infallible. There will be a heavy rain, but no wind.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The second week in September had brought belated hot weather with it. There was a south-west wind, and the city suffered more than in July. A strange-looking dark blue sky hung above the roof-tops, pale on the skyline as it is in the desert. After sunset a sultry breath, like a hot blast from an oven, streamed out of the small houses and up from the pavement of the narrow streets. To-day the wind had gone round to the west, and at the same time the barometer had fallen sharply. A large part of the sky was still blue, but it was slowly being overcast by heavy grey-blue clouds that looked like feather pillows.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tom added: &#8220;It would be a good thing if it did rain, I think. We should collapse if we had to walk in this atmosphere. It is an unnatural heat. Hotter than it ever was in Pau.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ida Jungmann, with little Erica's hand in hers, came into the room. The child looked a droll little figure in her stiffly starched cotton frock; she smelled of starch and soap. She had Herr Gr&#252;nlich's eyes and his rosy skin, but the upper lip was Tony's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The good Ida was already quite grey, almost white, although not out of the forties. It was a trait of her family: the uncle that died had had white hair at thirty. But her little brown eyes looked as shrewd and faithful as ever. She had been now for twenty years with the Buddenbrooks, and she realized with pride that she was indispensable. She oversaw kitchen, larders, linen and china cupboards, she made the most important purchases, she read to little Erica, made clothes for her dolls, and fetched her from school, with a slice of French bread, to take her walking on the Mill-wall. Every lady said to Frau Consul or her daughter: &#8220;What a treasure your Mamsell is, my dear! Goodness, she is worth her weight in gold! Twenty years&#8212;and she will be useful at sixty and more; these wiry people are. What faithful eyes she has! I envy you, my love.&#8221; But Ida Jungmann was very reserved. She knew her own position, and when some ordinary nurse-girl came and sat down with her charge on the same bench and tried to enter into conversation, Ida Jungmann would say: &#8220;There is a draught here, Erica,&#8221; and get up and go.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony drew her little daughter to her and kissed the rosy cheeks, and the Frau Consul stretched out her hand with rather an absent smile; for she was looking anxiously at the sky, which grew darker and darker. Her left hand fingered the sofa pillows nervously, and her light eyes wandered restlessly to the window.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Erica was allowed to sit next her Grandmother, and Ida sat up straight on a chair and began to knit. Thus all waited silently for the Consul. The air was heavy. The last bit of blue had disappeared; the dark grey sky lowered heavy and swollen over them. The colours in the room changed, the yellow of furniture and hangings and the tones of the landscapes on the walls were all quenched, like the gay shades in Tony's frock and the brightness of their eyes. Even the west wind, which had been playing in the churchyard of St. Mary's and whirling the dust around in the darkening street, was suddenly quiet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This breathless moment of absolute calm came without warning, like some unexpected, soundless, awful event. The sultriness grew heavier, the atmosphere seemed to increase its weight in a second; it oppressed the brain, it rested on the heart, it prevented the breathing. A swallow flew so low over the pavement that its wings touched. And this pressure that one could not lift, this tension, this growing weight on the whole organism, would have become unbearable had it lasted even the smallest part of a second longer, if at its height there had not come a relief, a release&#8212;a little break somewhere, soundless, yet perceptible; and at the same moment, without any premonitory drops, the rain fell down in sheets, filling the gutters and overflowing the pavements.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas, whose illness had taught him to pay attention to his nerves, bent over in this second, made a motion toward his head, and flung away his cigarette. He looked around the circle to see if the others had felt anything. He thought his Mother had, perhaps; the others did not seem to be aware. The Frau Consul was looking out now into the thick-streaming rain, which quite hid the church from view; she sighed &#8220;Thank God.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There,&#8221; said Tony, &#8220;that will cool the air in two minutes. But the drops will be hanging on the trees outside&#8212;we can drink coffee in the verandah. Open the window, Tilda.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The noise of the rain grew louder. It almost roared. Everything pattered, streamed, rushed, foamed. The wind came up and blew the thick veils of water, tore them apart, and flung them about. It grew cooler every minute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lina, the maid-servant, came running through the hall and burst so suddenly into the room that Ida Jungmann called out sharply: &#8220;I say, what do you mean&#8212;?&#8221; Lina's expressionless blue eyes were wide open, her jaws worked without making a sound&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Frau Consul,&#8221; she got out, at last. &#8220;Come, come quick! oh, what a scare&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; Tony said, &#8220;she's probably broken something again. Very likely the good porcelain. Oh, these servants of yours, Mamma!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the girl burst out: &#8220;Oh, no, Ma'am Gr&#252;nlich&#8212;if that's all it was!&#8212;It's the Master&#8212;I were bringing him his boots, and there he sits and can't speak, on his chair, and I says to myself, there's something wrong there; the Herr Consul&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Get Grabow,&#8221; cried Thomas and ran out of the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My God&#8212;oh, my God!&#8221; cried the Frau Consul, putting her hands to her face and hurrying out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quick, get a wagon and fetch Grabow,&#8221; Tony repeated breathlessly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everybody flew downstairs and through the breakfast-room into the bedroom.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Johann Buddenbrook was already dead.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTFIVE&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART FIVE&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Good evening, Justus,&#8221; said the Frau Consul. &#8220;How are you? Sit down.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Consul Kr&#246;ger embraced her tenderly and shook hands with his elder niece, who was also present in the dining-room. He was now about fifty-five years old, and wore a heavy round whisker as well as his moustache, leaving his chin free. It was quite grey. His scanty hair was carefully combed over the broad pink expanse of his skull. The sleeve of his elegant frock-coat had a broad mourning band.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know the latest, Betsy?&#8221; he asked. &#8220;Yes, Tony, this will particularly interest you. To put it briefly, our property outside the Castle Gate is sold&#8212;guess to whom? Not to one man, but to two: for the house is to be pulled down, and a hedge run through diagonally, and Benthien will build himself a dog-kennel on the right side, and Sorenson one on the left. God bless us!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Whoever heard the like?&#8221; said Frau Gr&#252;nlich, folding her hands in her lap and gazing up at the ceiling. &#8220;Grandfather's property! Well, now the estate is all haggled up. Its great charm was its extent: there was really too much of it, but that was what made it elegant. The large garden, all the way down to the Trave, the house set far back with the drive, and the chestnut avenue. So it is to be divided. Benthien will stand in front of one door and Sorenson in front of the other. I say, &#8216;God bless us,' too, Uncle Justus! I suppose there is nobody grand enough these days to occupy the whole thing. It is good that Grandpapa is not here to see it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The sense of mourning still lay too heavily on the air for Tony to give expression to her outraged feelings in livelier or stronger terms. It was the day on which the will had been read, two weeks after the death of the Consul, at half-past five in the afternoon. Frau Consul Buddenbrook had invited her brother to Meng Street, in order that he might talk over the provisions made by the deceased with Thomas and with Herr Marcus the confidential clerk. Tony had announced her intention to be present at the settlements. This attention, she said, she owed to the firm as well as to the family, and she took pains to give the meeting the character of a family council. She had closed the curtains, and despite the two oil lamps on the green-covered dining-table, drawn out to its full extent, she had lighted all the candles in the great gilded candelabrum as well. And, though there was no particular need of them, she had put on the table a quantity of writing paper and sharpened pencils.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony's black frock gave her figure a maidenly slimness. She, of them all, was perhaps most deeply moved by the death of the Consul, to whom she had drawn so close in the last months that even to-day the thought of him made her burst out twice in bitter weeping; yet the prospect of this family council, this solemn little conference in which she could bear a worthy part, had power to flush her pretty cheek, brighten her glance, and give her motions dignity and even joy. The Frau Consul, on the other hand, worn with anxiety and grief and the thousand formalities of the funeral and the mourning, looked ailing. Her face, framed in the black lace of her cap-strings, seemed paler, and her light-blue eyes were tired and dull. But there was not a single white hair to be seen in her smooth red-blonde coiffure. Was this still the Parisian tonic, or was it the wig? Mamsell Jungmann alone knew, and she would not have betrayed the secret even to the other ladies of the family.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They sat at the end of the table and waited for Herr Marcus and Thomas to come out of the office. The painted statues seemed to stand out white and proud on their pedestals against the sky-blue background.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul said: &#8220;The thing is&#8212;I bade you come, my dear Justus&#8212;in short, it is about Clara, the child. My beloved husband left to me the choice of a guardian for her&#8212;she will need one for three years. I know you do not want to be overburdened with responsibilities. You have duties to your wife and sons&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My son, Betsy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, we must be Christlike and merciful, Justus. As we forgive our debtors, it says. Think of our gracious Father in Heaven.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her brother looked at her, a little aggrieved. Such turns of phrase had come in the past only from the mouth of the Consul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Enough,&#8221; she went on. &#8220;There are as good as no obligations connected with this service of love. I should like to ask you to accept it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gladly, Betsy; of course, I'll do it with pleasure. May I not see my ward? A little too serious, isn't she, the good child&#8212;?&#8221; Clara was called. She slowly appeared, all black and pallid, her movements melancholy and full of restraint. She had spent the time since her father's death in her room praying almost without ceasing. Her dark eyes were immobile; she seemed frozen with grief and awe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Uncle Justus the gallant stepped up to her, bowed as he pressed her hand, and murmured something appropriate. She went out, after receiving the Frau Consul's kiss on her stiff lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How is J&#252;rgen?&#8221; began the Frau Consul again. &#8220;Does it agree with him in Wismar?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well,&#8221; answered Justus Kr&#246;ger, sitting down again with a shrug of the shoulders. &#8220;I think he has found his place now. He is a good lad, Betsy, a lad of principle, but&#8212;after he had failed twice in the examination, it seemed best&#8212; He did not like the law himself, and the position in the post-office at Wismar is quite suitable. Tell me&#8212;I hear Christian is coming?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Justus, he is coming. May God watch over him on the seas! I wrote to him the next day after Jean's death, but he hasn't even had the letter yet, and then he will take about two months with the sailing-vessel after that. But he must come, Justus; I must see him. Tom says Jean would never have been willing for Christian to give up his position in Valparaiso; but I ask you&#8212;nearly eight years since I have seen him! And then, under the circumstances! No, I must have them all about me in this painful time&#8212;that is a natural feeling for a mother.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Surely, surely,&#8221; said Consul Kr&#246;ger; for she had begun to weep.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thomas agrees with me now, too,&#8221; she went on; &#8220;for where will Christian be better off than in his own father's business, in Tom's business? He can stay here, work here. I have been in constant fear that the climate over there might be bad for him&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook, accompanied by Herr Marcus, came into the room. Friederich Wilhelm Marcus, for years the dead Consul's confidential clerk, was a tall man in a brown-skirted coat with a mourning band. He spoke softly, hesitatingly, stammering a little and considering each word before he uttered it. He had a habit of slowly and cautiously stroking the red-brown moustache that grew over his mouth with the extended middle and index fingers of his left hand; or he would rub his hands together and let his round brown eyes wander so aimlessly about that he gave the impression of complete confusion and absent-mindedness, though he was always most watchfully bent on the matter in hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook, now the youthful head of the great house, displayed real dignity in manner and bearing. But he was pale. His hands in particular, on one of which shone the Consul's signet ring with the green stone, were as white as the cuffs beneath his black sleeves&#8212;a frozen whiteness which showed that they were quite dry and cold. He had extraordinarily sensitive hands, with beautifully cared-for oval bluish fingernails. Sometimes, in a difficult situation, they would take positions or make little nervous movements that were indescribably expressive of shrinking sensibility and painful reserve. This was an individual trait strange heretofore to the rather broad, though finely articulated Buddenbrook hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tom's first care was to open the folding doors into the landscape-room in order to get the benefit of the warmth from the stove burning there behind the wrought-iron lattice. Then he shook hands with Consul Kr&#246;ger and sat down at the table with Herr Marcus opposite him. He looked at his sister Tony, and his eyebrow went up in surprise. But she flung her head back and tucked in her chin in a way that warned him to suppress any comment on her presence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and one may not say Herr Consul?&#8221; asked Justus Kr&#246;ger. &#8220;The Netherlands hope in vain that you should represent them, Tom, my dear chap?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Uncle Justus, I thought it was better. You see, I could have taken over the Consulate along with so many other responsibilities, but in the first place I am a little too young&#8212;and then I spoke to Uncle Gotthold, and he was very pleased to accept it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very sensible, my lad; very politic. And very gentlemanly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Herr Marcus,&#8221; said the Frau Consul, &#8220;my dear Herr Marcus!&#8221; And with her usual sweeping gesture she reached out her hand, which he took slowly, with a respectful side-glance: &#8220;I have asked you to come up&#8212;you know what the affair is; and I know that you are agreed with us. My beloved husband expressed in his final arrangements the wish that after his death you would put your loyal and well-tried powers at the service of the firm, not as an outsider but as partner.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly, Frau Consul,&#8221; said Herr Marcus, &#8220;I must protest that I know how to value the honour your offer does me, being aware, as I am, that the resources I can bring to the firm are but small. In God's name, I know nothing better to do than thankfully to accept the offer you and your son make me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Marcus. And I thank you in my turn, most warmly, for your willingness to share with me the great responsibilities which would perhaps be too heavy for me alone.&#8221; Thomas Buddenbrook spoke quickly and whole-heartedly, reaching his hand across the table to his partner; for they were already long since agreed on the subject, and this was only the formal expression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Company is trumpery&#8212;you will spoil our chat, between you,&#8221; said Consul Kr&#246;ger. &#8220;And now, shall we run through the provisions, my children? All I have to look out for is the dowry of my ward. The rest is not my affair. Have you a copy of the will here, Betsy? And have you made a rough calculation, Tom?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have it in my head,&#8221; said Thomas; and he began, leaning back, looking into the landscape-room, and moving his gold pencil back and forth on the table, to explain how matters stood. The truth was that the Consul's estate was more considerable than any one had supposed. The dowry of his oldest daughter, indeed, was gone, and the losses which the firm had suffered in the Bremen failure in 1851 had been a heavy blow. And the year '48, as well as the present year '55, with their unrest and interval of war, had brought losses. But the Buddenbrook share of the Kr&#246;ger estate of four hundred thousand current marks had been full three hundred thousand, for Justus had already had much of his beforehand. Johann Buddenbrook had continually complained, as a merchant will; but the losses of the firm had been made good by the accrued profits of some fifteen years, amounting to thirty thousand thaler, and thus the property, aside from real estate, amounted in round figures, to seven hundred thousand marks.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas himself, with all his knowledge of the business, had been left in ignorance by his father of this total. The Frau Consul took the announcement with discreet calm; Tony put on an adorable expression of pride and ignorance, and then could not repress an anxious mental query: Is that a lot? Are we very rich now? Herr Marcus slowly rubbed his hands, apparently in absence of mind, and Consul Kr&#246;ger was obviously bored. But the sum filled Tom himself, as he stated it, with such a rush of excited pride that the effort at self-control made him seem dejected. &#8220;We must have already passed the million,&#8221; he said. He controlled his voice, but his hands trembled. &#8220;Grandfather could command nine hundred thousand marks in his best time; and we've made great efforts since then, and had successes, and made fine &lt;i&gt;coups&lt;/i&gt; here and there. And Mamma's dowry, and Mamma's inheritance! There was the constant breaking-up&#8212;well, good heavens, that lay in the nature of things! Please forgive me if I speak just now in the sense of the firm and not of the family. These dowries and payments to Uncle Gotthold and to Frankfort, these hundreds of thousands which had to be drawn out of the business&#8212;and then there were only two heirs beside the head of the firm. Good; we have our work cut out for us, Marcus.&#8221; The thirst for action, for power and success, the longing to force fortune to her knees, sprang up quick and passionate in his eyes. He felt all the world looking at him expectantly, questioning if he would know how to command prestige for the firm and the family and protect its name. On exchange he had been meeting measuring side-looks out of jovial, mocking old eyes, that seemed to be saying &#8220;So you're taking it on, my son!&#8221; &#8220;I &lt;i&gt;am&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; he thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Friederich Wilhelm Marcus rubbed his hands circumspectly, and Justus Kr&#246;ger said: &#8220;Quietly, quietly, my dear chap. Times aren't what they were when your grandfather was a Prussian army contractor.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There began now a detailed conversation upon the provisions of the will, in which they all joined, and Consul Kr&#246;ger took a lighter tone, referring to Thomas as &#8220;his Highness the reigning Prince&#8221; and saying, &#8220;The warehouses will go with the crown, according to tradition.&#8221; In general, of course, it was decided that as far as possible everything should be left together, that Frau Elizabeth Buddenbrook should be considered the sole heir, and that the entire property should remain in the business. Herr Marcus announced that as partner he should be able to strengthen the working capital by a hundred and twenty thousand marks current. A sum of fifty thousand marks was set aside as a private fortune for Thomas, and the same for Christian, in case he wished to establish himself separately. Justus Kr&#246;ger paid close attention to the passage that ran: &#8220;The fixing of the dowry of my beloved daughter Clara I leave to the discretion of my dear wife.&#8221; &#8220;Shall we say a hundred thousand?&#8221; he suggested, leaning back, one leg crossed over the other, and turning up his short grey moustache with both hands. He was affability itself. But the sum was fixed at eighty thousand. &#8220;In case of a second marriage of my dearly loved older daughter Antonie, in view of the fact that eighty thousand marks have already been applied to her first marriage, the sum of seventeen thousand thaler current must not be exceeded.&#8221; Frau Antonie waved her arm with a graceful but excited gesture which tossed back her flowing sleeve; she looked at the ceiling and said loudly: &#8220;Gr&#252;nlich, indeed!&#8221; It sounded like a challenge, like a little trumpet-call. &#8220;You know, Herr Marcus,&#8221; she said, &#8220;about that man. We are sitting, one fine afternoon, perfectly innocent, in the garden, in front of the door&#8212;you know the portal, Herr Marcus. Well! Who appears? a person with gold-coloured whiskers&#8212;the scoundrel!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; Thomas said. &#8220;We will talk about Herr Gr&#252;nlich afterward.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well; but you are a clever creature, and you will admit, Tom, that in this life things don't always happen fairly and squarely. That's been my experience, though a short time ago I was too simple to realize it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; Tom said. They went into detail, noting the Consul's instructions about the great family Bible, about his diamond buttons, and many, many other matters.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Justus Kr&#246;ger and Herr Marcus stopped for supper.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In the beginning of February, 1856, after eight years' absence, Christian Buddenbrook returned to the home of his fathers. He arrived in the post-coach from Hamburg, wearing a yellow suit with a pattern of large checks, that had a distinctly exotic look. He brought the bill of a swordfish and a great sugar-cane, and received the embraces of his mother with a half-embarrassed, half absent air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He wore the same air when, on the next afternoon after his arrival, the family went to the cemetery outside the Castle Gate to lay a wreath on the grave. They stood together on the snowy path in front of the large tablet on which were the names of those resting there, surrounding the family arms cut in the stone. Before them was the upright marble cross that stood at the edge of the bare little churchyard grove. They were all there except Clothilde, who was at Thankless, nursing her ailing father.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony laid the wreath on the tablet, where her father's name stood on the stone in fresh gold letters: then, despite the snow, she knelt down by the grave to pray. Her black veil played about her, and her full skirt lay spread out in picturesque folds. God alone knew how much grief and religious emotion&#8212;and, on the other hand, how much of a pretty woman's self-conscious pleasure&#8212;there was in the bowed attitude. Thomas was not in the mood to think about it. But Christian looked sidewise at his sister with a mixture of mockery and misgiving, as if to say: &#8220;Can you really carry that off? Shan't you feel silly when you get up? How uncomfortable!&#8221; Tony caught this look as she rose, but she was not in the least put out. She tossed her head back, arranged her veil and skirt, and turned with dignified assurance to go; whereupon Christian was obviously relieved.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The deceased Consul's fanatical love of God and of the Saviour had been an emotion foreign to his forebears, who never cherished other than the normal, every-day sentiments proper to good citizens. The two living Buddenbrooks had in their turn their own idiosyncrasies. One of these appeared to be a nervous distaste for the expression of feeling. Thomas had certainly felt the death of his father with painful acuteness, much as his grandfather had felt the loss of his. But he could not sink on his knees by his grave. He had never, like his sister Tony, flung himself across the table sobbing like a child; and he shrank from hearing the heart-broken words in which Madame Gr&#252;nlich, from roast to dessert, loved to celebrate the character and person of her dead father. Such outbursts he met with composed silence or a reserved nod. And yet, when nobody had mentioned or was thinking of the dead, it would be just then that his eyes would fill with slow tears, although his facial expression remained unchanged.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was different with Christian. He unfortunately did not succeed in preserving his composure at the na&#239;ve and childish outpourings of his sister. He bent over his plate, turned his head away, and looked as though he wanted to sink through the floor; and several times he interrupted her with a low, tormented &#8220;Good God, Tony!&#8221; his large nose screwed into countless tiny wrinkles.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In fact, he showed disquiet and embarrassment whenever the conversation turned to the dead. It seemed as though he feared and avoided not only the indelicate expression of deep and solemn feeling, but even the feeling itself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No one had seen him shed a tear over the death of his father; and his long absence alone hardly explained this fact. A more remarkable thing, however, was that he took his sister Tony aside again and again to hear in vivid detail the events of that fatal afternoon; for Madame Gr&#252;nlich had a gift of lively narration.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He looked yellow?&#8221; he asked for the fifth time. &#8220;What was it the girl shrieked when she came running in to you? He looked quite yellow, and died without saying another word? What did the girl say? What sort of sound was it he made?&#8221; Then he would be silent&#8212;silent a long time&#8212;while his small deep-set eyes travelled round the room in thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Horrible,&#8221; he said suddenly, and a visible shudder ran over him as he got up. He would walk up and down with the same unquiet and brooding eyes. Madame Gr&#252;nlich felt astonished to see that her brother, who for some unknown reason was so embarrassed when she bewailed her father aloud, liked to reproduce with a sort of dreadful relish the dying efforts to speak which he had inquired about in detail of Lina the maid-servant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian had certainly not grown better looking. He was lean and pallid. The skin was stretched over his skull very tightly; his large nose, with a distinct hump, stuck out fleshless and sharp between his cheek-bones, and his hair was already noticeably scantier. His neck was too thin and long and his lean legs decidedly bowed. His London period seemed to have made a lasting impression upon him. In Valparaiso, too, he had mostly associated with Englishmen; and his whole appearance had something English about it which somehow seemed rather appropriate. It was partly the comfortable cut and durable wool material of his clothing, the broad, solid elegance of his boots, his crotchety expression, and the way in which his red-blond moustache drooped over his mouth. Even his hands had an English look: they were a dull porous white from the hot climate, with round, clean, short-trimmed nails.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me,&#8221; he said, abruptly, &#8220;do you know that feeling&#8212;it is hard to describe&#8212;when you swallow something hard, the wrong way, and it hurts all the way down your spine?&#8221; His whole nose wrinkled as he spoke.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; said Tony; &#8220;that is quite common. You take a drink of water&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh,&#8221; he said in a dissatisfied tone. &#8220;No, I don't think we mean the same thing.&#8221; And a restless look floated across his face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was the first one in the house to shake off his mourning and re-assume a natural attitude. He had not lost the art of imitating the deceased Marcellus Stengel, and he often spoke for hours in his voice. At the table he asked about the theatre&#8212;if there were a good company and what they were giving.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know,&#8221; said Tom, with a tone that was exaggeratedly indifferent, in order not to seem irritated. &#8220;I haven't noticed lately.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Christian missed this altogether and went on to talk about the theatre. &#8220;I am too happy for words in the theatre. Even the &lt;i&gt;word&lt;/i&gt; &#8216;theatre' makes me feel happy. I don't know whether any of you have that feeling. I could sit for hours and just look at the curtain. I feel as I used to when I was a child and we went in to the Christmas party here. Even the sound of the orchestra beforehand! I would go if only to hear that and nothing more. I like the love scenes best. Some of the heroines have such a fetching way of taking their lovers' heads between their hands. But the actors&#8212;in London and Valparaiso I have known a lot of actors. At first I was very proud to get to know them in ordinary life. In the theatre I watched their every movement. It is fascinating. One of them says his last speech and turns around quietly and goes deliberately, without the least embarrassment, to the door, although he knows that the eyes of the whole audience are on his back. How can he do that? I used to be continually thinking about going behind the scenes. But now I am pretty much at home there, I must say. Imagine: once, in an operetta&#8212;it was in London&#8212;the curtain went up one evening when I was on the stage! I was talking with Miss Waterhouse, a very pretty girl. Well, suddenly there was the whole audience! Good Lord, I don't know how I got off the stage.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Gr&#252;nlich was the only one who laughed, to speak of, in the circle round the table. But Christian went on, his eyes wandering back and forth. He talked about English &lt;i&gt;caf&#233;-chantant&lt;/i&gt; singers; about an actress who came on in powdered wig, and knocked with a long cane on the ground and sang a song called: &#8220;That's Maria.&#8221; &#8220;Maria, you know&#8212;Maria is the most scandalous of the lot. When somebody does something perfectly shocking, why&#8212;&#8216;that's Maria'&#8212;the bad lot, you know&#8212;utterly depraved!&#8221; He said this last with a frightful expression and raised his right hand with the fingers formed into a ring.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Assez, Christian,&#8221; said the Frau Consul. &#8220;That does not interest us in the least.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Christian's gaze flickered absently over her head; he would probably have stopped without her suggestion, for he seemed to be sunk in a profound, disquieting dream of Maria and her depravity, while his little round deep eyes wandered back and forth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly he said: &#8220;Strange&#8212;sometimes I can't swallow. Oh, it's no joke. I find it very serious. It enters my head that perhaps I can't swallow, and then all of a sudden I can't. The food is already swallowed, but the muscles&#8212;right here&#8212;they simply refuse. It isn't a question of will-power. Or rather, the thing is, I don't dare really will it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony cried out, quite beside herself: &#8220;Christian! Good Lord, what nonsense! You don't dare to make up your mind to swallow! What are you talking about? You are absurd!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas was silent. But the Frau Consul said: &#8220;That is nerves, Christian. Yes, it was high time you came home; the climate over there would have killed you in the end.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After the meal Christian sat down at the little harmonium that stood in the dining-room and imitated a piano virtuoso. He pretended to toss back his hair, rubbed his hands, and looked around the room; then, without a sound, without touching the bellows&#8212;for he could not play in the least, and was entirely unmusical, like all the Buddenbrooks&#8212;he bent quite over and began to belabour the bass, played unbelievable passages, threw himself back, looked in ecstasy at the ceiling, and banged the key-board in a triumphant finale. Even Clara burst out laughing. The illusion was convincing; full of assurance and charlatanry and irresistible comicality of the burlesque, eccentric English-American kind; so certain of its own effect that the result was not in the least unpleasant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have gone a great deal to concerts,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I like to watch how the people behave with their instruments. It is really beautiful to be an artist.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then he began to play again, but broke off suddenly and became serious, as though a mask had fallen over his features. He got up, ran his hand through his scanty hair, moved away, and stood silent, obviously fallen into a bad mood, with unquiet eyes and an expression as though he were listening to some kind of uncanny noise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sometimes I find Christian a little strange,&#8221; said Madame Gr&#252;nlich to her brother Thomas, one evening, when they were alone. &#8220;He talks so, somehow. He goes so unnaturally into detail, seems to me&#8212;or what shall I say? He looks at things in such a strange way; don't you think so?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; said Tom, &#8220;I understand what you mean very well, Tony. Christian is very incautious&#8212;undignified&#8212;it is difficult to express what I mean. Something is lacking in him&#8212;what people call equilibrium, mental poise. On the one hand, he does not know how to keep his countenance when other people make na&#239;ve or tactless remarks&#8212;he does not understand how to cover it up, and he just loses his self-possession altogether. But the same thing happens when he begins to be garrulous himself, in the unpleasant way he has, and tells his most intimate thoughts. It gives one such an uncanny feeling&#8212;it is just the way people speak in a fever, isn't it? Self-control and personal reserve are both lacking in the same way. Oh, the thing is quite simple: Christian busies himself too much with himself, with what goes on in his own insides. Sometimes he has a regular mania for bringing out the deepest and the pettiest of these experiences&#8212;things a reasonable man does not trouble himself about or even want to know about, for the simple reason that he would not like to tell them to any one else. There is such a lack of modesty in so much communicativeness. You see, Tony, anybody, except Christian, may say that he loves the theatre. But he would say it in a different tone, more &lt;i&gt;en passant&lt;/i&gt;, more modestly, in short. Christian says it in a tone that says: &#8216;Is not my passion for the stage something very marvellous and interesting?' He struggles, he behaves as if he were really wrestling to express something supremely delicate and difficult.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll tell you,&#8221; he went on after a pause, throwing his cigarette through the wrought-iron lattice into the stove: &#8220;I have thought a great deal about this curious and useless self-preoccupation, because I had once an inclination to it myself. But I observed that it made me unsteady, hare-brained, and incapable&#8212;and control, equilibrium, is, at least for me, the important thing. There will always be men who are justified in this interest in themselves, this detailed observation of their own emotions; poets who can express with clarity and beauty their privileged inner life, and thereby enrich the emotional world of other people. But the likes of us are simple merchants, my child; our self-observations are decidedly inconsiderable. We can sometimes go so far as to say that the sound of orchestra instruments gives us unspeakable pleasure, and that we sometimes do not dare try to swallow&#8212;but it would be much better, deuce take it, if we sat down and accomplished something, as our fathers did before us.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tom, you express my views exactly. When I think of the airs those Hagenstr&#246;ms put on&#8212;oh, Heavens, what truck! Mother doesn't like the words I use, but I find they are the only right ones. Do you suppose they think they are the only good family in town? I have to laugh, you know; I really do.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The head of the firm of Johann Buddenbrook had measured his brother on his arrival with a long, scrutinizing gaze. He had given him passing and unobtrusive observation during several days; and then, though he did not allow any sign of his opinion to appear upon his calm and discreet face, his curiosity was satisfied, his mind made up. He talked with him in the family circle in a casual tone on casual subjects and enjoyed himself like the others when Christian gave a performance. A week later he said to him: &#8220;Well, shall we work together, young man? So far as I know, you consent to Mamma's wish, do you not? As you know, Marcus has become my partner, in proportion to the quota he has paid in. I should think that, as my brother, you could ostensibly take the place he had&#8212;that of confidential clerk. What your work would be&#8212;I do not know how much mercantile experience you have really had. You have been loafing a bit, so far&#8212;am I right? Well, in any case, the English correspondence will suit you. But I must beg one thing of you, my dear chap. In your position as brother of the head of the house, you will actually have a superior position to the others; but I do not need to tell you that you will impress them far more by behaving like their equal and doing your duty, than you will by making use of privileges and taking liberties. Are you willing to keep office hours and observe appearances?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And then he made a proposal in respect of salary, which Christian accepted without consideration, with an embarrassed and inattentive face that betrayed very little love of gain and a great zeal to settle the matter quickly. Next day Thomas led him into the office; and Christian's labours for the old firm began.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The business had taken its uninterrupted and solid course after the Consul's death. But soon after Thomas Buddenbrook seized the reins, a fresher and more enterprising spirit began to be noticeable in the management. Risks were taken now and then. The credit of the house, formerly a conception, a theory, a luxury, was consciously strained and utilized. The gentlemen on 'Change nodded at each other. &#8220;Buddenbrook wants to make money with both hands,&#8221; they said. They thought it was a good thing that Thomas had to carry the upright Friederich Wilhelm Marcus along with him, like a ball and chain on his foot. Herr Marcus' influence was the conservative force in the business. He stroked his moustache with his two fingers, punctiliously arranged his writing materials and glass of water on his desk, looked at everything on both sides and top and bottom; and, five or six times in the day, would go out through the courtyard into the wash-kitchen and hold his head under the tap to refresh himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They complement each other,&#8221; said the heads of the great houses to each other; Consul Huneus said it to Consul Kistenmaker. The small families echoed them; and the dockyard and warehouse hands repeated the same opinion. The whole town was interested in the way young Buddenbrook would &#8220;take hold.&#8221; Herr Stuht in Bell-Founders' Street would say to his wife, who knew the best families: &#8220;They balance each other, you see.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the personality of the business was plainly the younger partner. He knew how to handle the personnel, the ship-captains, the heads in the warehouse offices, the drivers and the yard hands. He could speak their language with ease and yet keep a distance between himself and them. But when Herr Marcus spoke in dialect to some faithful servant it sounded so outlandish that his partner would simply begin to laugh, and the whole office would dissolve in merriment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook's desire to protect and increase the prestige of the old firm made him love to be present in the daily struggle for success. He well knew that his assured and elegant bearing, his tact and winning manners were responsible for a great deal of good trade.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A business man cannot be a bureaucrat,&#8221; he said to Stephan Kistenmaker, of Kistenmaker and Sons, his former school-fellow. He had remained the oracle of this old playmate, who listened to his every word in order to give it out later as his own. &#8220;It takes personality&#8212;that is my view. I don't think any great success is to be had from the office alone&#8212;at least, I shouldn't care for it. I always want to direct the course of things on the spot, with a look, a word, a gesture&#8212;to govern it with the immediate influence of my will and my talent&#8212;my luck, as you call it. But, unfortunately, personal contact is going out of fashion. The times move on, but it seems to me they leave the best behind. Relations are easier and easier; the connections better and better; the risk gets smaller&#8212;but the profits do too. Yes, the old people were better off. My grandfather, for example&#8212;he drove in a four-horse coach to Southern Germany, as commissary to the Prussian army&#8212;an old man in pumps, with his head powdered. And there he played his charms and his talents and made an astonishing amount of money, Kistenmaker. Oh, I'm afraid the merchant's life will get duller and duller as time goes on.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was feelings like these that made him relish most the trade he came by through his own personal efforts. Sometimes, entirely by accident, perhaps on a walk with the family, he would go into a mill for a chat with the miller, who would feel himself much honoured by the visit; and quite &lt;i&gt;en passant&lt;/i&gt;, in the best of moods, he would conclude a good bargain. His partner was incapable of that sort of thing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As for Christian, he seemed at first to devote himself to his task with real zest and enjoyment, and to feel exceptionally well and contented. For several days he ate with appetite, smoked his short pipe, and squared his shoulders in the English jacket, giving expression to his sense of ease and well-being. In the morning he went to the office at about the same time as Thomas, and sat opposite his brother and Herr Marcus in a revolving arm-chair like theirs. First he read the paper, while he comfortably smoked his morning cigarette. Then he would fetch out an old cognac from his bottom desk drawer, stretch out his arms in order to feel himself free to move, say &#8220;Well!&#8221; and go to work good-naturedly, his tongue roving about among his teeth. His English letters were extraordinarily able and effective, for he wrote English as he spoke it, simply and fluently, without effort.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He gave expression to his mood in his own way in the family circle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Business is really a fine, gratifying calling,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Respectable, satisfying, industrious, comfortable. I was really born to it&#8212;fact! And as a member of the house!&#8212;well, I've never felt so good before. You come fresh into the office in the morning, and look through the paper, smoke, think about this and that, take some cognac, and then go to work. Comes midday; you eat with your family, take a rest, then to work again. You write, on smooth, good business paper, with a good pen, rule, paper-knife, stamp&#8212;everything first-class and all in order. You keep at it, get things done one after the other, and finish up. To-morrow is another day. When you go home to supper, you feel thoroughly satisfied&#8212;satisfied in every limb. Even your hands&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Heavens, Christian,&#8221; cried Tony. &#8220;What rubbish! How can your hands feel satisfied?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, yes, of course&#8212;can't you understand that? I mean&#8212;&#8221; he made a painstaking effort to express and explain. &#8220;You can shut your fist, you see. You don't make a violent effort, of course, because you are tired from your work. But it isn't flabby; it doesn't make you feel irritable. You have a sense of satisfaction in it; you feel easy and comfortable&#8212;you can sit quite still without feeling bored.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Every one was silent. Then Thomas said in a casual tone, so as not to show that he disagreed: &#8220;It seems to me that one doesn't work for the sake of&#8212;&#8221; He broke off and did not continue. &#8220;At least, I have different reasons,&#8221; he added after a minute. But Christian did not hear. His eyes roamed about, sunk in thought; and he soon began to tell a story of Valparaiso, a tale of assault and murder of which he had personal knowledge. &#8220;Then the fellow ripped out his knife&#8212;&#8221; For some reason Thomas never applauded these tales. Christian was full of them, and Madame Gr&#252;nlich found them vastly entertaining. The Frau Consul, Clara, and Clothilde sat aghast, and Mamsell Jungmann and Erica listened with their mouths open. Thomas used to make cool sarcastic comments and act as if he thought Christian was exaggerating or hoaxing&#8212;which was certainly not the case. He narrated with colour and vividness. Perhaps Thomas found unpleasant the reflection that his younger brother had been about and seen more of the world than he! Or were his feelings of repulsion due to the glorification of disorder, the exotic violence of these knife- and revolver-tales? Christian certainly did not trouble himself over his brother's failure to appreciate his stories. He was always too much absorbed in his narrative to notice its success or lack of success with his audience, and when he had finished he would look pensively or absently about the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But if in time the relations between the two brothers came to be not of the best, Christian was not the one who thought of showing or feeling any animosity against his brother. He silently took for granted the pre-eminence of his elder, his superior capacity, earnestness, and respectability. But precisely this casual, indiscriminate acknowledgment irritated Thomas, for it had the appearance of setting no value upon superior capacity, earnestness, or respectability.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian appeared not to notice the growing dislike of the head of the firm. Thomas's feelings were indeed quite justifiable; for unfortunately Christian's zeal for business visibly decreased, even after the first week, though more after the second. His little preparations for work, which, in the beginning, wore the air of a prolonged and refined anticipation: the reading of the paper, the after-breakfast cigarette, the cognac, began to take more and more time, and finally used up the whole morning. It gradually came about that Christian freed himself largely from the constraint of office hours. He appeared later and later with his breakfast cigarette to begin his preparations for work; he went at midday to eat at the Club, and came back late or not at all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This Club, to which mostly unmarried business men belonged, occupied comfortable rooms in the first storey of a restaurant, where one could eat and meet in unrestrained and sometimes not altogether harmless conversation&#8212;for there was a roulette table. Even some of the more light-minded fathers of families, like Justus Kr&#246;ger and, of course, Peter D&#246;hlmann, were members, and police senator Crema was here &#8220;the first man at the hose.&#8221; That was the expression of Dr. Gieseke&#8212;Andreas Gieseke, the son of the Fire Commissioner and Christian's old schoolmate. He had settled as a lawyer in the town, and Christian renewed the friendship with him, though he ranked as rather a wild fellow. Christian&#8212;or, as he was called everywhere, Chris&#8212;had known them all more or less in the old days, for nearly all of them had been pupils of Marcellus Stengel. They received him into the Club with open arms; for, while neither business men nor scholars found him a genius, they recognized his amusing social gifts. It was here that he gave his best performances and told his best stories. He did the virtuoso at the club piano and imitated English and transatlantic actors and opera singers. But the best things he did were stories of his affairs with women, related in the most harmless and entertaining way imaginable&#8212;adventures that had befallen him on shipboard, on trains, in St. Paul's, in Whitechapel, in the virgin forest. There was no doubt that Christian's weakness was for women. He narrated with a fluency and power that entranced his listeners, in an exhaustless stream, with his somewhat plaintive, drawling voice, burlesque and innocent, like an English humourist. He told a story about a dog that had been sent in a satchel from Valparaiso to San Francisco and was mangy to boot. Goodness knew what was the point of the anecdote&#8212;in his mouth it was indescribably comic. And while everybody about him writhed with laughter, unable to leave off, he himself sat there cross-legged, a strange, uneasy seriousness in his face with its great hooked nose, his thin, long neck, his sparse light-red hair and little round deep-set eyes. It almost seemed as if the laugh were at his expense, as if they were laughing at him. But that never occurred to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At home his favourite tales were about his office in Valparaiso. He told of the extreme heat there, and about a young Londoner, named Johnny Thunderstorm, a ne'er-do-well, an extraordinary chap, whom he had &#8220;never seen do a stroke of work, God damn me,&#8221; and who yet was a remarkable business man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good God, the heat!&#8221; he said. &#8220;Well, the chief came into the office&#8212;there we all lay, eight of us, like flies, and smoked cigarettes to keep the mosquitoes away. Good God! Well, the chief said: &#8216;You are not working, gentlemen?' &#8216;No, sir,' says Johnny Thunderstorm, &#8216;as you see, sir!' And we all blew our cigarette-smoke in his face. Good God!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why do you keep saying &#8216;good God'?&#8221; asked Thomas irritably. But his irritation was at bottom because he felt that Christian told this story with particular relish just because it gave him a chance to sneer at honest work.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Mother would discreetly change the subject. There were many hateful things in the world, thought the Frau Consul, born Kr&#246;ger. Brothers could despise and dislike each other, dreadful as it sounded; but one didn't mention such things. They had to be covered up and ignored.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In May it happened that Uncle Gotthold&#8212;Consul Gotthold Buddenbrook, now sixty years old&#8212;was seized with a heart attack one night and died in the arms of his wife, born St&#252;wing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The son of poor Madame Josephine had had the worst of it in life, compared with the younger and stronger brother and sister born of Madame Antoinette. But he had long since resigned himself to his fortunes; and in his later years, especially after his nephew turned over to him the Consulate of the Netherlands, he ate his lozenges out of his tin box and harboured the friendliest feelings. It was his ladies who kept up the feud now: not so much his good-natured wife as the three elderly damsels, who could not look at Frau Consul, or Antonie, or Thomas, without a spark in their eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the traditional &#8220;children's day,&#8221; at four o'clock, they all gathered in the big house in Meng Street, to eat dinner and spend the evening. Sometimes Consul Kr&#246;ger or Sesemi Weichbrodt came too, with her simple sister. On these occasions the three Miss Buddenbrooks from Broad Street loved to turn the conversation to Tony's former marriage and to dart sharp glances at each other while they egged Madame Gr&#252;nlich on to use strong language. Or they would make general remarks on the subject of the undignified vanity of dyeing one's hair. Or they would enquire particularly after Jacob Kr&#246;ger, the Frau Consul's nephew. They made jokes at the expense of poor, innocent, Clothilde&#8212;jokes not so harmless as those which the charity girl received in good part every day from Tom and Tony. They made fun of Clara's austerity and bigotry. They were quick to find out that Tom and Christian were not on the best of terms; also, that they did not need to pay much attention to Christian anyhow, for he was a sort of Tom-fool. As for Thomas himself, who had no weak point for them to ferret out, and who always met them with a good-humoured indulgence, that signified &#8220;I understand what you mean, and I am very sorry&#8221;&#8212;him they treated with respect tinctured with bitterness. Next came the turn of little Erica. Rosy and plump as she was, they found her alarmingly backward in her growth. And Pfiffi in a series of little shakes drew attention several times to the child's shocking resemblance to the deceiver Gr&#252;nlich.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But now they stood with their mother about their Father's death-bed, weeping; and a message was sent to Meng Street, though the feeling was not entirely wanting that their rich relations were somehow or other to blame for this misfortune too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the middle of the night the great bell downstairs rang; and as Christian had come home very late and was not feeling up to much, Tom set out alone in the spring rain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He came just in time to see the last convulsive motions of the old gentleman. Then he stood a long time in the death-chamber and looked at the short figure under the covers, at the dead face with the mild features and white whiskers. &#8220;You haven't had a very good time, Uncle Gotthold,&#8221; he thought. &#8220;You learned too late to make concessions and show consideration. But that is what one has to do. If I had been like you, I should have married a shop girl years ago. But for the sake of appearances&#8212;! I wonder if you really wanted anything different? You were proud, and probably felt that your pride was something idealistic; but your spirit had little power to rise. To cherish the vision of an abstract good; to carry in your heart, like a hidden love, only far sweeter, the dream of preserving an ancient name, an old family, an old business, of carrying it on, and adding to it more and more honour and lustre&#8212;ah, that takes imagination, Uncle Gotthold, and imagination you didn't have. The sense of poetry escaped you, though you were brave enough to love and marry against the will of your father. And you had no ambition, Uncle Gotthold. The old name is only a burgher name, it is true, and one cherishes it by making the grain business flourish, and oneself beloved and powerful in a little corner of the earth. Did you think: &#8216;I will marry her whom I love, and pay no attention to practical considerations, for they are petty and provincial?' Oh, we are travelled and educated enough to realize that the limits set to our ambition are small and petty enough, looked at from outside and above. But everything in this world is comparative, Uncle Gotthold. Did you know one can be a great man, even in a small place; a C&#230;sar even in a little commercial town on the Baltic? But that takes imagination and idealism&#8212;and you didn't have it, whatever you may have thought yourself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook turned away. He went to the window and looked out at the dim grey gothic fa&#231;ade of the Town Hall opposite, shrouded in rain. He had his hands behind his back and a smile on his intelligent face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The office and title of the Royal Consulate of the Netherlands, which Thomas Buddenbrook might have taken after his father's death, went back to him now, to the boundless satisfaction of Tony Gr&#252;nlich; and the curving shield with the lions, the arms, and the crown was once more to be seen on the gabled front of the house in Meng Street, under the &#8220;Dominus providebit.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Soon after this was accomplished, in June of the same year, the young Consul set out to Amsterdam on a business journey the duration of which he did not know.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Deaths in the family usually induce a religious mood. It was not surprising, after the decease of the Consul, to hear from the mouth of his widow expressions which she had not been accustomed to use.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But it was soon apparent that this was no passing phase. Even in the last years of the Consul's life, his wife had more and more sympathized with his spiritual cravings; and it now became plain that she was determined to honour the memory of her dead by adopting as her own all his pious conceptions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She strove to fill the great house with the spirit of the deceased&#8212;that mild and Christlike spirit which yet had not excluded a certain dignified and hearty good cheer. The morning and evening prayers were continued and lengthened. The family gathered in the dining-room, and the servants in the hall, to hear the Frau Consul or Clara read a chapter out of the great family Bible with the big letters. They also sang a few verses out of the hymn-book, accompanied by the Frau Consul on the little organ. Or, often, in place of the chapter from the Bible, they had a reading from one of those edifying or devotional books with the black binding and gilt edges&#8212;those Little Treasuries, Jewel-Caskets, Holy Hours, Morning Chimes, Pilgrims' Staffs, and the like, whose common trait was a sickly and languishing tenderness for the little Jesus, and of which there were all too many in the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian did not often appear at these devotions. Thomas once chose a favourable moment to disparage the practice, half-jestingly; but his objection met with a gentle rebuff. As for Madame Gr&#252;nlich, she did not, unfortunately, always conduct herself correctly at the exercises. One morning when there was a strange clergyman stopping with the Buddenbrooks, they were invited to sing to a solemn and devout melody the following words:&#8212;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I am a reprobate,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A warped and hardened sinner;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I gobble evil down&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Just like the joint for dinner.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lord, fling thy cur a bone&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Of righteousness to chew&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And take my carcass home&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To Heaven and to you.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Whereat Frau Gr&#252;nlich threw down her book and left the room, bursting with suppressed giggles.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the Frau Consul made more demands upon herself than upon her children. She instituted a Sunday School, and on Sunday afternoon only little board-school pupils rang at the door of the house in Meng Street. Stine Voss, who lived by the city wall, and Mike Stuht from Bell-Founders' Street, and Fike Snut from the river-bank or Groping Alley, their straw-coloured locks smoothed back with a wet comb, crossed the entry into the garden-room, which for a long time now had not been used as an office, and in which rows of benches had been arranged and Frau Consul Buddenbrook, born Kr&#246;ger, in a gown of heavy black satin, with her white refined face and still whiter lace cap, sat opposite to them at a little table with a glass of sugar-water and catechized them for an hour.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Also, she founded the &#8220;Jerusalem evenings,&#8221; which not only Clara and Clothilde but also Tony were obliged to attend, willy-nilly. Once a week they sat at the extension-table in the dining-room by the light of lamps and candles. Some twenty ladies, all of an age when it is profitable to begin to look after a good place in heaven, drank tea or bishop, ate delicate sandwiches and puddings, read hymns and sermons aloud to each other, and did embroidery, which at the end of the year was sold at a bazaar and the proceeds sent to the mission in Jerusalem.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This pious society was formed in the main from ladies of the Frau Consul's own social rank: Frau Senator Langhals, Frau Consul M&#246;llendorpf, and old Frau Consul Kistenmaker belonged; but other, more worldly and profane old ladies, like Mme. K&#246;ppen, made fun of their friend Betsy. The wives of the clergymen of the town were all members, likewise the widowed Frau Consul Buddenbrook, born St&#252;wing, and Sesemi Weichbrodt and her simple sister. There is, however, no rank and no discrimination before Jesus; and so certain humble oddities were also guests at the Jerusalem evenings&#8212;for example, a little wrinkled creature, rich in the grace of God and knitting-patterns, who lived in the Holy Ghost Hospital and was named Himmelsburger. She was the last of her name&#8212;&#8220;the last Himmelsburger,&#8221; she called herself humbly, and ran her knitting-needle under her cap to scratch her head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But far more remarkable were two other extraordinary old creatures, twins, who went about hand in hand through the town doing good deeds, in shepherdess hats out of the eighteenth century and faded clothes out of the long, long ago. They were named Gerhardt, and asserted that they descended in a direct line from Paul Gerhardt. People said they were by no means poor; but they lived wretchedly and gave away all they had. &#8220;My dears,&#8221; remarked the Frau Consul, who was sometimes rather ashamed of them, &#8220;God sees the heart, I know; but your clothes are really a little&#8212;one must take some thought for oneself.&#8221; But she could not prevent them kissing their elegant friend on the brow with the forebearing, yearning, pitying superiority of the poor in heart over the worldly great who seek salvation. They were not at all stupid. In their homely shrivelled heads&#8212;for all the world like ancient parrots&#8212;; they had bright soft brown eyes and they looked out at the world with a wonderful expression of gentleness and understanding. Their hearts were full of amazing wisdom. They knew that in the last day all our beloved gone before us to God will come with song and salvation to fetch us home. They spoke the words &#8220;the Lord&#8221; with the fluent authority of early Christians, as if they had heard out of the Master's own mouth the words, &#8220;Yet a little while and ye shall see me.&#8221; They possessed the most remarkable theories concerning inner light and intuition and the transmission of thought. One of them, named Lea, was deaf, and yet she nearly always knew what was being talked about!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was usually the deaf Gerhardt who read aloud at the Jerusalem evenings, and the ladies found that she read beautifully and very affectingly. She took out of her bag an old book of a very disproportionate shape, much taller than it was broad, with an inhumanly chubby presentment of her ancestor in the front. She held it in both hands and read in a tremendous voice, in order to catch a little herself of what she read. It sounded as if the wind were imprisoned in the chimney:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If Satan me would swallow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Goodness!&#8221; thought Tony Gr&#252;nlich, &#8220;how could Satan want to swallow her?&#8221; But she said nothing and devoted herself to the pudding, wondering if she herself would ever become as ugly as the two Miss Gerhardts.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was not happy. She felt bored and out of patience with all the pastors and missionaries, whose visits had increased ever since the death of the Consul. According to Tony they had too much to say in the house and received entirely too much money. But this last was Tom's affair, and he said nothing, while his sister now and then murmured something about people who consumed widows' homes and made long prayers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She hated these black gentlemen bitterly. As a mature woman who knew life and was no longer a silly innocent, she found herself unable to believe in their irreproachable sanctity. &#8220;Mother,&#8221; she said, &#8220;oh dear, I know I must not speak evil of my neighbours. But one thing I must say, and I should be surprised if life had not taught you that too, and that is that not all those who wear a long coat and say &#8216;Lord, Lord' are always entirely without blemish.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
History does not say what Tom thought of his sister's opinion on this point. Christian had no opinion at all. He confined himself to watching the gentlemen with his nose wrinkled up, in order to imitate them afterward at the club or in the family circle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But it is true that Tony was the chief sufferer from the pious visitants. One day it actually happened that a missionary named Jonathan, who had been in Arabia and Syria&#8212;a man with great, reproachful eyes and baggy cheeks was stopping in the house, and challenged her to assert that the curls she wore on her forehead were consistent with true Christian humility. He had not reckoned with Tony Gr&#252;nlich's skill at repartee. She was silent a moment, while her mind worked rapidly; and then out it came. &#8220;May I ask you, Herr Pastor, to concern yourself with your own curls?&#8221; With that she rustled out, shoulders up, head back, and chin well tucked in. Pastor Jonathan had very few curls on his head&#8212;it would be nearer truth to say that he was quite bald.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And once she had an even greater triumph. There was a certain Pastor Trieschke from Berlin. His nickname was Teary Trieschke, because every Sunday he began to weep at an appropriate place in his sermon. Teary Trieschke had a pale face, red eyes, and cheek-bones like a horse's. He had been stopping for eight or ten days with the Buddenbrooks, conducting devotions and holding eating contests with poor Clothilde, turn about. He happened to fall in love with Tony&#8212;not with her immortal soul, oh no, but with her upper lip, her thick hair, her pretty eyes and charming figure. And the man of God, who had a wife and numerous children in Berlin, was not ashamed to have Anton leave a letter in Madame Gr&#252;nlich's bedroom in the upper storey, wherein Bible texts and a kind of fawning sentimentality were surpassingly mingled. She found it when she went to bed, read it, and went with a firm step downstairs into the Frau Consul's bedroom, where by the candle-light she read aloud the words of the soul-saver to her Mother, quite unembarrassed and in a loud voice; so that Teary Trieschke became impossible in Meng Street.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They are all alike,&#8221; said Madame Gr&#252;nlich; &#8220;ah, they are all alike. Oh, heavens, what a goose I was once! But life has destroyed my faith in men. Most of them are scoundrels&#8212;alas, it is the truth. Gr&#252;nlich&#8212;&#8221; The name was, as always, like a summons to battle. She uttered it with her shoulders lifted and her eyes rolled up.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Sievert Tiburtius was a small, narrow man with a large head and a thin, long, blond beard parted in the middle, so that he sometimes put the ends back over his shoulders. A quantity of little woolly ringlets covered his round head. His ears were large and outstanding, very much curled up at the edges and pointed at the tips like the ears of a fox. His nose sat like a tiny flat button in his face, his cheek-bones stood out, and his grey eyes, usually drawn close together and blinking about rather stupidly, could at certain moments widen quite extraordinarily, and get larger and larger, protruding more and more until they almost sprang out of their sockets.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This Pastor Tiburtius, who came from Riga, had preached for some years in central Germany, and now touched at the town on his way back home, where a living had been offered to him. Armed with the recommendation of a brother of the cloth who had eaten at least once in Meng Street of mock-turtle soup and ham with onion sauce, he waited upon the Frau Consul and was invited to be her guest for a few days. He occupied the spacious guest-chamber off the corridor in the first storey. But he stopped longer than he had expected. Eight days passed, and still there was this or that to be seen: the dance of death and the apostle-clock in St. Mary's, the Town Hall, the ancient Ships' Company, the Cathedral clock with the movable eyes. Ten days passed, and he spoke repeatedly of his departure, but at the first word of demur from anybody would postpone anew.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was a better man than Herr Jonathan or Teary Trieschke. He thought not at all about Frau Antonie's curls and wrote her no letters. Strange to say, he paid his attentions to Clara, her younger and more serious sister. In her presence, when she spoke, entered or left the room, his eyes would grow surprisingly larger and larger and open out until they nearly jumped out of his head. He would spend almost the entire day in her company, in spiritual or worldly converse or reading aloud to her in his high voice and with the droll, jerky pronunciation of his Baltic home.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Even on the first day he said: &#8220;Permit me to say, Frau Consul, what a treasure and blessing from God you have in your daughter Clara. She is certainly a wonderful child.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are right,&#8221; replied the Frau Consul. But he repeated his opinion so often that she began looking him over with her pale-blue eyes, and led him on to speak of his home, his connections, and his prospects. She learned that he came of a mercantile family, that his mother was with God, that he had no brothers and sisters, and that his old father had retired and lived on his income in Riga&#8212;an income which would sometime fall to him, Pastor Tiburtius. He also had a sufficient living from his calling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Clara Buddenbrook was now in her nineteenth year. She had grown to be a young lady of an austere and peculiar beauty, with a tall, slender figure, dark, smooth hair, and stern yet dreamy eyes. Her nose was slightly hooked, her mouth a little too firmly closed. In the household she was most intimate with her poor and pious cousin Clothilde, whose father had lately died, and whose idea it was to &#8220;establish herself&#8221; soon&#8212;which meant to go into a pension somewhere with the money and furniture which she had inherited. Clara had nothing of Clothilde's meek and hungry submissiveness. On the contrary, with the servants and even with her brothers and sister and mother, a commanding tone was usual with her. Her low voice, which seemed only to drop with decision and never to rise with a question, had an imperious sound and could often take on a short, hard, impatient, haughty quality&#8212;on days, for example, when Clara had a headache.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Before the father's death had shrouded the family in mourning, she had taken part with irreproachable dignity in the society of her parents' house and other houses of like rank. But when the Frau Consul looked at her, she could not deny that, despite the stately dowry and Clara's domestic prowess, it would not be easy to marry her off. None of the godless, jovial, claret-drinking merchants of their circle would answer in the least; a clergyman would be the only suitable partner for this earnest and God-fearing maiden. After the Frau Consul had conceived this joyful idea, she responded with friendliness to the delicate advances of Pastor Tiburtius.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And truly the affair developed with precision. On a warm, cloudless July afternoon the family took a walk: the Frau Consul, Antonie, Christian, Clara, Clothilde, Erica Gr&#252;nlich, and Mamsell Jungmann, with Pastor Tiburtius in their midst, went out far beyond the Castle Gate to eat strawberries and clotted milk or porridge at a wooden table laid out-of-doors, going after the meal into the large nut-garden which ran down to the river, in the shade of all sorts of fruit-trees, between currant and gooseberry bushes, asparagus and potato patches.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sievert Tiburtius and Clara Buddenbrook stopped a little behind the others. He, much the smaller of the two, with his beard parted back over his shoulders, had taken off his broad-brimmed black hat from his big head; and he wiped his brow now and then with his handkerchief. His eyes were larger than usual and he carried on with her a long and gentle conversation, in the course of which they both stood still, and Clara, with a serious, calm voice said her &#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After they returned, the Frau Consul, a little tired and overheated, was sitting alone in the landscape-room, when Pastor Tiburtius came and sat beside her. Outside there reigned the pensive calm of the Sabbath afternoon; and they sat inside and held, in the brightness of the summer evening, a long, low conversation, at the end of which the Frau Consul said: &#8220;Enough, my dear Herr Pastor. Your offer coincides with my motherly plans for my daughter; and you on your side have not chosen badly&#8212;that I can assure you. Who would have thought that your coming and your stay here in our house would be so wonderfully blest! I will not speak my final word to-day, for I must write first to my son, the Consul, who is at present, as you know, away. You will travel to-morrow, if you live and have your health, to Riga, to take up your work; and we expect to go for some weeks to the seashore. You will receive word from me soon, and God grant that we shall have a happy meeting.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Amsterdam, July 30th, 1856&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
HOTEL HET HASSJE&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;My dear Mother,&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I have just received your important letter, and hasten to thank you for the consideration you show me in asking for my consent in the affair under discussion. I send you, of course, not only my hearty agreement, but add my warmest good-wishes, being thoroughly convinced that you and Clara have made a good choice. The fine name Tiburtius is known to me, and I feel sure that Papa had business relations with the father. Clara comes into pleasant connections, in any case, and the position as pastor's wife will be very suited to her temperament.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Tiburtius has gone back to Riga, and will visit his bride again in August? Well, it will be a gay time then with us in Meng Street&#8212;gayer than you realize, for you do not know the reason why I was so joyfully surprised by Mademoiselle Clara's betrothal, nor what a charming company it is likely to be. Yes, my dear good Mother: I am complying with the request to send my solemn consent to Clara's betrothal from the Amstel to the Baltic. But I do so on condition that you send me a similar consent by return of post! I would give three solid gulden to see your face, and even more that of our honest Tony, when you read these lines. But I will come to the point.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My clean little hotel is in the centre of the town with a pretty view of the canal. It is not far from the Bourse; and the business on which I came here&#8212;a question of a new and valuable connection, which you know I prefer to look after in person&#8212;has gone successfully from the first day. I have still considerable acquaintance here from the days of my apprenticeship; so, although many families are at the shore now, I have been invited out a good deal. I have been at small evening companies at the Van Henkdoms and the Moelens, and on the third day after my arrival I had to put on my dress clothes to go to a dinner at the house of my former chief, van der Kellen, which he had arranged out of season in my honour. Whom did I take in to dinner? Should you like to guess? Fr&#228;ulein Arnoldsen, Tony's old school-fellow. Her father, the great merchant and almost greater violin artist, and his married daughter and her husband were also of the party.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I well remember that Gerda&#8212;if I may call her so&#8212;from the beginning, even when she was a young girl at school at Fr&#228;ulein Weichbrodt's on the Millbrink, made a strong impression on me, never quite obliterated. But now I saw her again, taller, more developed, lovelier, more animated. Please spare me a description, which might so easily sound overdrawn&#8212;and you will soon see each other face to face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
You can imagine we had much to talk about at the table, but we had left the old memories behind by the end of the soup, and went on to more serious and fascinating matters. In music I could not hold my own with her, for we poor Buddenbrooks know all too little of that, but in the art of the Netherlands I was more at home, and in literature we were fully agreed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Truly the time flew. After dinner I had myself presented to old Herr Arnoldsen, who received me with especial cordiality. Later, in the salon, he played several concert pieces, and Gerda also performed. She looked wonderful as she played, and although I have no notion of violin playing, I know that she knew how to sing upon her instrument (a real Stradivarius) so that the tears nearly came into my eyes. Next day I went to call on the Arnoldsens. I was received at first by an elderly companion, with whom I spoke French, but then Gerda came, and we talked as on the day before for perhaps an hour, only that this time we drew nearer together and made still more effort to understand and know each other. The talk was of you, Mamma, of Tony, of our good old town, and of my work.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And on that day I had already taken the firm resolve: this one or no one, now or never! I met her again by chance at a garden party at my friend van Svindren's, and I was invited to a musical evening at the Arnoldsens', in the course of which I sounded the young lady by a half-declaration, which was received encouragingly. Five days ago I went to Herr Arnoldsen to ask for permission to win his daughter's hand. He received me in his private office. &#8220;My dear Consul,&#8221; he said, &#8220;you are very welcome, hard as it will be for an old widower to part from his daughter. But what does she say? She has already held firmly to her resolve never to marry. Have you a chance?&#8221; He was extremely surprised when I told him that Fr&#228;ulein Gerda had actually given me ground for hope.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He left her some time for reflection, and I imagine that out of pure selfishness he dissuaded her. But it was useless. She had chosen me&#8212;since yesterday evening the betrothal is an accomplished fact.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No, my dear Mother, I am not asking a written answer to this letter, for I am leaving to-morrow. But I am bringing with me the Arnoldsens' promise that father, daughter, and married sister will visit us in August, and then you will be obliged to confess that she is the very wife for me. I hope you see no objection in the fact that Gerda is only three years younger than I? I am sure you never thought I would marry a chit out of the M&#246;llendorpf-Langhals, Kistenmaker-Hagenstr&#246;m circle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And now for the dowry. I am almost frightened to think how Stephan Kistenmaker and Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m and Peter D&#246;hlmann and Uncle Justus and the whole town will blink at me when they hear of the dowry. For my future father-in-law is a millionaire. Heavens, what is there to say? We are such complex, contradictory creatures! I deeply love and respect Gerda Arnoldsen; and I simply will not delve deep down enough in myself to find out how much the thought of the dowry, which was whispered into my ear that first evening, contributed to my feeling. I love her: but it crowns my happiness and pride to think that when she becomes mine, our firm will at the same time gain a very considerable increase of capital.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I must close this letter, dear Mother; considering that in a few days, we shall be talking over my good fortune together, it is already too long. I wish you a pleasant and beneficial stay at the baths, and beg you to greet all the family most heartily for me. Your loving and obedient son,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
T.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;That year there was indeed a merry midsummer holiday in the Buddenbrook home. At the end of July Thomas returned to Meng Street and visited his family at the shore several times, like the other business men in the town. Christian had allotted full holidays unto himself, as he complained of an indefinite ache in his left leg. Dr. Grabow did not seem to treat it successfully, and Christian thought of it so much the more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is not a pain&#8212;one can't call it a pain,&#8221; he expatiated, rubbing his hand up and down his leg, wrinkling his big nose, and letting his eyes roam about. &#8220;It is a sort of ache, a continuous, slight, uneasy ache in the whole leg and on the left side, the side where the heart is. Strange. I find it strange&#8212;what do you think about it, Tom?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, well,&#8221; said Tom, &#8220;you can have a rest and the sea-baths.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So Christian went down to the shore to tell stories to his fellow-guests, and the beach resounded with their laughter. Or he played roulette with Peter D&#246;hlmann, Uncle Justus, Dr. Gieseke, and other Hamburg high-fliers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Consul Buddenbrook went with Tony, as always when they were in Travem&#252;nde, to see the old Schwarzkopfs on the front. &#8220;Good day, Ma'am Gr&#252;nlich,&#8221; said the pilot-captain, and spoke low German out of pure good feeling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, well, what a long time ago that was! And Morten, he's a doctor in Breslau and has all the practice in the town, the rascal.&#8221; Frau Schwarzkopf ran off and made coffee, and they supped in the green verandah as they used to&#8212;only all of them were a good ten years older, and Morten and little Meta were not there, she having married the magistrate of Haffkrug. And the captain, already white-haired and rather deaf, had retired from his office&#8212;and Madame Gr&#252;nlich was not a goose any more! Which did not prevent her from eating a great many slices of bread and honey, for, as she said: &#8220;Honey is a pure nature product&#8212;one knows what one is getting.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the beginning of August the Buddenbrooks, like most of the other families, returned to town; and then came the great moment when, almost at the same time, Pastor Tiburtius from Prussia and the Arnoldsens from Holland arrived for a long visit in Meng Street.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a very pretty scene when the Consul led his bride for the first time into the landscape-room and took her to his mother, who received her with outstretched arms. Gerda had grown tall and splendid. She walked with a free and gracious bearing; with her heavy dark-red hair, her close-set brown eyes with the blue shadows round them, her large, gleaming teeth which showed when she smiled, her straight strong nose and nobly formed mouth, this maiden of seven-and-twenty years had a strange, aristocratic, haunting beauty. Her face was white and a little haughty, but she bowed her head as the Frau Consul with gentle feeling took it between her hands and kissed the pure, snowy forehead. &#8220;Yes, you are welcome to our house and to our family, you dear, beautiful, blessed creature,&#8221; she said. &#8220;You will make him happy. Do I not see already how happy you make him?&#8221; And she drew Thomas forward with her other arm, to kiss him also.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Never, except perhaps in Grandfather's time, was there more gay society in the great house, which accommodated its guests with ease. Pastor Tiburtius had modestly chosen a bed-chamber in the back building next the billiard-room. But the rest divided the unoccupied space on the ground floor next the hall and in the first storey: Gerda; Herr Arnoldsen, a quick, clever man at the end of the fifties, with a pointed grey beard and a pleasant impetuosity in every motion; his oldest daughter, an ailing-looking woman; and his son-in-law, an elegant man of the world, who was turned over to Christian for entertainment in the town and at the club.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Antonie was overjoyed that Sievert Tiburtius was the only parson in the house. The betrothal of her adored brother rejoiced her heart. Aside from Gerda's being her friend, the parti was a brilliant one, gilding the family name and the firm with such new glory! And the three-hundred-thousand mark dowry and the thought of what the town and particularly the Hagenstr&#246;ms would say to it, put her in a state of prolonged and delightful enchantment. Three times daily, at least, she passionately embraced her future sister-in-law.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Gerda,&#8221; she cried, &#8220;I love you&#8212;you know I always did love you. I know you can't stand me&#8212;you used to hate me; but&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, Tony!&#8221; said Fr&#228;ulein Arnoldsen. &#8220;How could I have hated you? Did you ever do anything to me?&#8221; For some reason, however&#8212;probably out of mere wantonness and love of talking&#8212;Tony asserted stoutly that Gerda had always hated her, while she on her side had always returned the hate with love. She took Thomas aside and told him: &#8220;You have done very well, Tom. Oh, heavens, how well you have done! If Father could only see this&#8212;it is just dreadful that he cannot! Yes, this wipes out a lot of things&#8212;not least the affair with that person whose name I do not even like to speak.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Which put it into her head to take Gerda into an empty room and tell her with awful detail the story of her married life with Bendix Gr&#252;nlich. Then they talked for hours about boarding-school days and the bed-time gossip; of Armgard von Schilling in Mecklenburg and Eva Ewers in Munich. Tony paid little or no attention to Sievert Tiburtius and his betrothed&#8212;which troubled them not at all. The lovers sat quietly together hand in hand, and spoke gently and earnestly of the beautiful future before them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As the year of mourning was not quite over, the two betrothals were celebrated only in the family. But Gerda quickly became a celebrity in the town. Her person formed the chief subject of conversation on the Bourse, at the club, at the theatre, and in society. &#8220;Tip-top,&#8221; said the gallants, and clucked their tongues, for that was the latest Hamburg slang for a superior article, whether a brand of claret, a cigar, or a &#8220;deal.&#8221; But among the solid, respectable citizens there was much head-shaking. &#8220;Something queer about her,&#8221; they said. &#8220;Her hair, her face, the way she dresses&#8212;a little too unusual.&#8221; Sorenson expressed it: &#8220;She has a certain something about her!&#8221; He made a face as if he were on the Bourse and somebody had made him a doubtful proposition. But it was all just like Consul Buddenbrook: a little pretentious, not like his forebears. Everybody knew&#8212;not least Benthien the draper&#8212;that he ordered his clothes from Hamburg: not only the fine new-fashioned materials for his suits&#8212;and he had a great many of them, cloaks, coats, waistcoats, and trousers&#8212;but his hats and cravats and linen as well. He changed his shirt every day, sometimes twice a day, and perfumed his handkerchief and his moustache, which he wore cut like Napoleon III. All this was not for the sake of the firm, of course&#8212;the house of Johann Buddenbrook did not need that sort of thing&#8212;but to gratify his own personal taste for the superfine and aristocratic&#8212;or whatever you might call it. And then the quotations from Heine and other poets which he dropped sometimes in the most practical connections, in business or civic matters! And now, his bride&#8212;well, Consul Buddenbrook himself had &#8220;a certain something&#8221; about him! All this, of course, with the greatest respect; for the family was highly esteemed, the firm very, very &#8220;good,&#8221; and the head of it an able and charming man who loved his city and would still serve her well. It was really a devilishly fine match for him; there was talk of a hundred thousand thaler down; but of course.... Among the ladies there were some who found Gerda &#8220;silly&#8221;; which, it will be recalled, was a very severe judgment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the man who gazed with furious ardour at Thomas Buddenbrook's bride, the first time he saw her on the street, was Gosch the broker. &#8220;Ah!&#8221; he said in the club or the Ships' Company, lifting his glass and screwing up his face absurdly, &#8220;what a woman! Hera and Aphrodite, Brunhilda and Melusine all in one! Oh, how wonderful life is!&#8221; he would add. And not one of the citizens who sat about with their beer on the hard wooden benches of the old guild-house, under the models of sailing vessels and big stuffed fish hanging down from the ceiling, had the least idea what the advent of Gerda Arnoldsen meant in the yearning life of Gosch the broker.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The little company in Meng Street, not committed, as we have seen, to large entertainments, had the more leisure for intimacy with each other. Sievert Tiburtius, with Clara's hand in his, talked about his parents, his childhood, and his future plans. The Arnoldsens told of their people, who came from Dresden, only one branch of them having been transplanted to Holland.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Gr&#252;nlich asked her brother for the key of the secretary in the landscape-room, and brought out the portfolio with the family papers, in which Thomas had already entered the new events. She proudly related the Buddenbrook history, from the Rostock tailor on; and when she read out the old festival verses:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Industry and beauty chaste&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
See we linked in marriage band:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Venus Anadyomene,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And cunning Vulcan's busy hand&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;she looked at Tom and Gerda and let her tongue play over her lips. Regard for historical veracity also caused her to narrate events connected with a certain person whose name she did not like to mention!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On Thursday at four o'clock the usual guests came. Uncle Justus brought his feeble wife, with whom he lived an unhappy existence. The wretched mother continued to scrape together money out of the housekeeping to send to the degenerate and disinherited Jacob in America, while she and her husband subsisted on almost nothing but porridge. The Buddenbrook ladies from Broad Street also came; and their love of truth compelled them to say, as usual, that Erica Gr&#252;nlich was not growing well and that she looked more than ever like her wretched father. Also that the Consul's bride wore a rather conspicuous coiffure. And Sesemi Weichbrodt came too, and standing on her tip-toes, kissed Gerda with her little explosive kiss on the forehead and said with emotion: &#8220;Be happy, my dear child.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At table Herr Arnoldsen gave one of his witty and fanciful toasts in honour of the two bridal pairs. While the rest drank their coffee he played the violin, like a gipsy, passionately, with abandonment&#8212;and with what dexterity!... Gerda fetched her Stradivarius and accompanied him in his passages with her sweet cantilena. They performed magnificent duets at the little organ in the landscape-room, where once the Consul's grandfather had played his simple melodies on the flute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sublime!&#8221; said Tony, lolling back in her easy-chair. &#8220;Oh, heavens, how sublime that is!&#8221; And she rolled up her eyes to the ceiling to express her emotions. &#8220;You know how it is in life,&#8221; she went on, weightily. &#8220;Not everybody is given such a gift. Heaven has unfortunately denied it to me, though I used to pray for it at night. I am a goose, a silly creature. You know, Gerda&#8212;I am the elder and have learned to know life&#8212;let me tell you, you ought to thank your Creator every day on your knees, for being such a gifted creature!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, please,&#8221; said Gerda, with a laugh, showing her beautiful large white teeth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Later they all ate wine jelly and discussed their plans for the near future. At the end of that month or the beginning of September, it was decided, Sievert Tiburtius and the Arnoldsens would go home. Then, directly after Christmas, Clara's wedding would be celebrated with due solemnity in the great hall. The Frau Consul, health permitting, would attend Tom's wedding in Amsterdam. But it must be put off until the beginning of the next year, that there might be a little pause for rest between. It was no use for Thomas to protest. &#8220;Please,&#8221; said the Frau Consul, and laid her hand on his sleeve. &#8220;Sievert should have the precedence, I think.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Pastor and his bride had decided against a wedding journey. Gerda and Thomas, however, were to take a trip to northern Italy, as far as Florence, and be gone about two months. In the meantime Tony, with the help of the upholsterer Jacobs in Fish Street, was to make ready the charming little house in Broad Street, the property of a bachelor who had moved to Hamburg. The Consul was already arranging for its purchase. Oh, Tony would furnish it to the Queen's taste. &#8220;It will be perfect,&#8221; she said. They were all sure it would.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian looked on while the two bridal pairs held hands, and listened to the talk about weddings and trousseaux and bridal journeys. His nose looked bigger and his legs more crooked than ever. He felt an indefinite sort of pain in the left one, and stared solemnly at them all out of his little round deep-set eyes. Finally, in the accents of Marcellus Stengel, he said to his cousin Clothilde, who sat elderly, dried-up, silent, and hungry, at table among the happy throng: &#8220;Well, Tilda, let's &lt;i&gt;us&lt;/i&gt; get married too&#8212;I mean, of course each one for himself.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IX&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Some six months later Consul Buddenbrook returned with his bride from Italy. The March snows lay in Broad Street as the carriage drove up at five o'clock before the front door of their simple painted fa&#231;ade. A few children and grown folk had stopped to watch the home-coming pair descend. Frau Antonie Gr&#252;nlich stood proudly in the doorway, behind her the two servant-maids, with white caps, bare arms, and thick striped skirts&#8212;she had engaged them beforehand for her sister-in-law. Flushed with pleasure and industry, she ran impetuously down the steps; Gerda and Thomas climbed out of the trunk-laden carriage wrapped in their furs; and she drew them into the house in her embrace.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here you are! You lucky people, to have travelled so far in the world. &#8216;Knowest thou the house? High-pillared are its walls!' Gerda, you are more beautiful than ever; here, I must kiss you&#8212;no, so, on the mouth. How are you, Tom, old fellow?&#8212;yes, I must kiss you too. Marcus says everything has gone well here. Mother is waiting for you at home, but you can first just make yourselves comfortable. Will you have some tea? Or a bath? Everything is ready&#8212;you won't complain. Jacobs did his best&#8212;and I have done all I could, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They went together into the vestibule, and the servants brought in the luggage with the help of the coachman. Tony said: &#8220;The rooms here in the parterre you will probably not need for the present. &lt;i&gt;For the present&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; she repeated, running her tongue over her upper lip. &#8220;Look, this is pretty,&#8221; and she opened a door directly next the vestibule. &#8220;Simple oak furniture, ivy at the windows. Over there, the other side of the corridor, is another room, a larger one. Here on the right are the kitchen and larder. But let's go up. I will show you everything.&#8221; They went up the stairs, which were covered with a dark-red runner. Above, behind a glass partition, was a narrow corridor which led to the dining-room. This had dark-red damask wall-paper, a heavy round table upon which the samovar was steaming, a massive sideboard, and chairs of carved nut-wood, with rush seats. Then there was a comfortable sitting-room upholstered in grey, separated by porti&#232;res from a small salon with a bay-window and furniture in green striped rep. A fourth of this whole storey was occupied by a large hall with three windows.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then they went into the sleeping-room, on the right of the corridor. It had flowered hangings and solid mahogany beds. Tony passed on to a small door with open-work carving in the opposite wall, and displayed a winding stair leading from the bedroom to the lower floors, the bathroom, and the servants' quarters.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is pretty here. I shall stop here,&#8221; said Gerda, and sank with a deep breath into the reclining-chair beside one of the beds.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul bent over and kissed her forehead. &#8220;Tired? I feel like that too. I should like to tidy up a bit.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll look after the tea,&#8221; said Tony Gr&#252;nlich, &#8220;and wait for you in the dining-room.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The tea stood steaming in the Meissenware cups when Thomas entered. &#8220;Here I am,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Gerda would like to rest a little. She has a headache. Afterward we will go to Meng Street. Well, how is everything, my dear Tony&#8212;all right? Mother, Erica, Christian? But now,&#8221; he went on with his most charming manner, &#8220;our warmest thanks&#8212;Gerda's too&#8212;for all your trouble, you good soul. How pretty you have made everything! Nothing is missing.&#8212;I only need a few palms for my wife's bay-window; and I must look about for some suitable oil paintings. But tell me, now, how are you? What have you been doing all this time?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had drawn up a chair for his sister beside himself, and slowly drank his tea and ate a biscuit as they talked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Tom,&#8221; she answered. &#8220;What should I be doing? My life is over.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nonsense, Tony&#8212;you and your life! But it &lt;i&gt;is&lt;/i&gt; pretty tiresome, is it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tom, it is very tiresome. Sometimes I just have to shriek, out of sheer boredom. It has been nice to be busy with this house, and you don't know how happy I am at your return. But I am not happy here&#8212;God forgive me, if that is a sin. I am in the thirties now, but I'm still not quite old enough to make intimate friends with the last of the Himmelsburgers, or the Miss Gerhardts, or any of mother's black friends that come and consume widows' homes. I don't believe in them, Tom; they are wolves in sheep's clothing&#8212;a generation of vipers. We are all weak creatures with sinful hearts, and when they begin to look down on me for a poor worldling I laugh in their faces. I've always thought that all men are the same, and that we don't need any intercessors between us and God. You know my political beliefs. I think the citizens&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then you feel lonely?&#8221; Tom asked, to bring her back to her starting-point. &#8220;But you have Erica.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tom, and I love the child with my whole heart&#8212;although a certain person did use to declare that I am not fond of children. But you see&#8212;I am perfectly frank; I am an honest woman and speak as I think, without making words&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Which is splendid of you, Tony.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, in short&#8212;it is sad, but the child reminds me too much of Gr&#252;nlich. The Buddenbrooks in Broad Street think she is very like him too. And then, when I see her before me I always think: &#8216;You are an old woman with a big daughter, and your life is over. Once for a few years you were alive; but now you can grow to be seventy or eighty years old, sitting here and listening to Lea Gerhardt read aloud.' That is such an awful thought, Tom, that a lump comes in my throat. Because I still feel so young, and still long to see life again. And besides, I don't feel comfortable&#8212;not only in the house; but in the town. You know I haven't been struck blind. I have my eyes in my head and see how things are; I am not a stupid goose any more, I am a divorced woman&#8212;and I am made to feel it, that's certain. Believe me, Tom, it lies like a weight on my heart, to know that I have besmirched our name, even if it was not any fault of mine. You can do whatever you will, you can earn money and be the first man in the town&#8212;but people will still say: &#8216;Yes, but his sister is a divorced woman.' Julchen M&#246;llendorpf, the Hagenstr&#246;m girl&#8212;she doesn't speak to me! Oh, well, she is a goose. It is the same with all families. And yet I can't get rid of the hope that I could make it all good again. I am still young&#8212;don't you think I am still rather pretty? Mamma cannot give me very much again, but even what she can give is an acceptable sum of money. Suppose I were to marry again? To confess the truth, Tom, it is my most fervent wish. Then everything would be put right and the stain wiped out. Oh, if I could only make a match worthy of our name, and set myself up again&#8212;do you think it is entirely out of the question?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not in the least, Tony. Heaven forbid! I have always thought of it. But it seems to me that in the first place you must get out a little, have a little change, and brighten up a bit.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that's it,&#8221; she cried eagerly. &#8220;Now I must tell you a little story.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas was well pleased. He leaned back in his chair and smoked his second cigarette. The twilight was coming on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, then, while you were away, I almost took a situation&#8212;a position as companion in Liverpool! Would you have thought it was shocking? Oh, I know it would have been undignified! But I was so wildly anxious to get away. The plan came to nothing. I sent my photograph to the lady, and she wrote that she must decline my services, because I was too pretty&#8212;there was a grown son in the house. &#8216;You are too pretty,' she wrote! I don't know when I have been so pleased.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They both laughed heartily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But now I have something else in mind,&#8221; went on Tony. &#8220;I have had an invitation, from Eva Ewers, to go to Munich. Her name is Eva Niederpaur now; her husband is superintendent of a brewery. Well, she has asked me to visit her, and I think I will take advantage of the invitation. Of course, Erica could not go with me. I would put her in Sesemi Weichbrodt's pension. She would be well taken care of. Have you any objection?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not at all. It is necessary, in any case, that you should make some new connections.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that's it,&#8221; she said gratefully. &#8220;But now, Tom. I have been talking the whole time about myself; I am a selfish thing. Now, tell me your affairs. Oh, Heavens, how happy you must be.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tony,&#8221; he said with emphasis. There was a pause. He blew out the smoke across the table and continued: &#8220;In the first place, I am very glad to be married and set up an establishment. You know I should not make a good bachelor. It has a side to it that suggests loneliness and also laziness&#8212;and I am ambitious, as you know. I don't feel that my career is finished, either in business or&#8212;to speak half-jestingly&#8212;in politics. And a man gains the confidence of the world better if he is a family man and a father. Though I came within an ace of not doing it, after all! I am a bit fastidious. For a long time I thought it would not be possible to find the right person. But the sight of Gerda decided me. I felt at once that she was the only one for me: though I know there are people in town who don't care for my taste. She is a wonderful creature; there are few like her in the world. She is nothing like you, Tony, to be sure. You are simpler, and more natural too. My lady sister is simply more temperamental,&#8221; he continued, suddenly taking a lighter tone. &#8220;Oh, Gerda has temperament too&#8212;her playing shows that; but she can sometimes be a little cold. In short, she is not to be measured by the ordinary standards. She is an artist, an individual, a puzzling, fascinating creature.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes,&#8221; Tony said. She had given her brother the closest attention. It was nearly dark, and she had not thought of lighting the lamps.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The corridor door opened, and there stood before them in the twilight, in a pleated piqu&#233; house-frock, white as snow, a slender figure. The heavy dark-red hair framed her white face, and blue shadows lay about her close-set brown eyes. It was Gerda, mother of future Buddenbrooks.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTSIX&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART SIX&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Thomas Buddenbrook took a solitary early breakfast in his pretty dining-room. His wife usually left her room late, as she was subject to headaches and vapours in the morning. The Consul went at once to Meng Street, where the offices still were, took his second breakfast with his mother, Christian and Ida Jungmann in the entresol, and met Gerda only at dinner, at four in the afternoon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The ground floor of the old house still preserved the life and movement of a great business; but the upper storeys were empty and lonely. Little Erica had been received as a boarder by Mademoiselle Weichbrodt, and poor Clothilde had moved with her few sticks of furniture into a cheap pension with the widow of a high-school teacher, a Frau Dr. Krauseminz. Even Anton had left the house, and gone over to the young pair, where he was more needed. When Christian was at the club, the Frau Consul and Ida Jungmann sat at four o'clock dinner alone at the round table, in which there was now not a single extra leaf. It looked quite lost in the great spaces of the dining-temple with its images of the gods.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The social life of Meng Street had been extinguished with the death of Consul Johann Buddenbrook. Except for the visits of this or that man of God, the Frau Consul saw no guests but the members of her family, who still came on Thursday afternoons. But the first great dinner had already been given by the young pair in Broad Street. Tables were laid in both dining- and living-room, and there were a hired cook and waiters and Kistenmaker wines. It began at five o'clock, and its sounds and smells were still in the air at eleven. All the business and professional men were present, married pairs and bachelors as well: all the tribe of Langhals, Hagenstr&#246;ms, Huneus', Kistenmakers, &#214;verdiecks, and M&#246;llendorpfs. It finished off with whist and music. They talked about it in glowing terms on the Bourse for a whole week. The young Frau Consul certainly knew how to entertain! When she and the Consul were alone, in the room lighted by burned-down candles, with the furniture disarranged and the air thick with heavy odours of rich food, wine, cigars, coffee, perfume, and the scent of the flowers from the ladies' toilettes and the table decorations, he pressed her hand and said: &#8220;Very good, Gerda. We do not need to be ashamed. This sort of thing is necessary. I have no great fondness for balls, and having the young people jumping about here; and, besides, there is not room. But we must entertain the settled people. A dinner like that costs a bit more&#8212;but it is well spent.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are right,&#8221; she had answered, and arranged the laces through which her bosom shimmered like marble. &#8220;I much prefer the dinners to the balls myself. A dinner is so soothing. I had been playing this afternoon, and felt a little queer. My brain feels quite dead now. If I were to be struck by lightning I should not change colour.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Next morning at half-past eleven the Consul sat down beside his Mother at the breakfast-table, and she read a letter aloud to him:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Munich, April 2, 1857&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
MARIENPLATZ 5&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;My dear Mother,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I must beg your pardon&#8212;it is a shame that I have not written before in the eight days I have been here. My time has been so taken up with all the things there are to see&#8212;I'll tell you about them afterwards. Now I must ask if all the dear ones, you and Tom and Gerda and Erica and Christian and Tilda and Ida, are well&#8212;that is the most important thing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ah, what all I have seen in these days!&#8212;the Pinakothek and the Glyptothek and the Hofbr&#228;uhaus and the Court Theatre and the churches, and quantities of other things! I must tell you of them when I see you; otherwise I should kill myself writing. We have also had a drive in the Isar valley, and for to-morrow an excursion to the Wurmsee is arranged. So it goes on. Eva is very sweet to me, and her husband, Herr Niederpaur, the brewery superintendent, is an agreeable man. We live in a very pretty square in the town, with a fountain in the middle, like ours at home in the market place, and the house is quite near the Town Hall. I have never seen such a house. It is painted from top to bottom, in all colours&#8212;St. Georges killing dragons, and old Bavarian princes in full robes and arms. Imagine!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, I like Munich extremely. The air is very strengthening to the nerves, and for the moment I am quite in order with my stomach trouble. I enjoy drinking the beer&#8212;I drink a good deal, the more so as the water is not very good. But I cannot quite get used to the food. There are too few vegetables and too much flour, for instance in the sauces, which are pathetic. They have no idea of a proper joint of veal, for the butchers cut everything very badly. And I miss the fish. It is quite mad to be eating so much cucumber and potato salad with the beer&#8212;my tummy rebels audibly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, one has to get used to a great deal. It is a real foreign country. The strange currency, the difficulty of understanding the common people&#8212;I speak too fast to them and they seem to talk gibberish to me&#8212;and then the Catholicism. I hate it, as you know; I have no respect for it&#8212;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Here the Consul began to laugh, leaning back in the sofa with a piece of bread and herb cheese in his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tom, you are laughing,&#8221; said his Mother, and tapped with her middle finger on the table. &#8220;But it pleases me very much that she holds fast to the faith of her fathers and shuns the unevangelical gim-crackery. I know that you felt a certain sympathy for the papal church, while you were in France and Italy: but that is not religion in you, Tom&#8212;it is something else, and I understand what. We must be forbearing; yet in these things a frivolous feeling of fascination is very much to be regretted. I pray God that you and your Gerda,&#8212;for I well know that she does not belong to those firm in the faith&#8212;will in the course of time feel the necessary seriousness. You will forgive your mother her words, I know.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;On top of the fountain (she continued reading) there is a Madonna, and sometimes she is crowned with a wreath, and the common people come with rose garlands and kneel down and pray&#8212;which looks very pretty, but it is written: &#8220;Go into your chamber.&#8221; You often see monks here in the street; they look very respectable. But&#8212;imagine, Mamma!&#8212;yesterday in Theatiner Street some high dignitary of the church was driving past me in his coach; perhaps it was an archbishop; anyhow, an elderly man&#8212;well, this gentleman throws me an ogling look out of the window, like a lieutenant of the Guard! You know, Mother, I've no great opinion of your friends the ministers and missionaries, but Teary Trieschke was certainly nothing compared to this rakish old prince of the Church.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Horrors!&#8221; interjected the Frau Consul, shocked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's Tony, to the life,&#8221; said the Consul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How is that, Tom?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, perhaps she just invited him a trifle&#8212;to try him, you know. I know Tony. And I am sure the &#8216;ogling look' delighted her hugely, which was probably what the old gentleman wanted.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul did not take this up, but continued to read:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Day before yesterday the Niederpaurs entertained in the evening. It was lovely, though I could not always follow the conversation, and I found the tone sometimes rather questionable. There was a singer there from the Court opera, who sang songs, and a young artist, who asked me to sit for him, which I refused, as I thought it not suitable. I enjoyed myself most with a Herr Permaneder. Would you ever think there could be such a name? He is a hop dealer, a nice, jolly man, in middle life and a bachelor. I had him at table, and stuck to him, for he was the only Protestant in the party. He is a citizen of Munich, but his family comes from Nuremberg. He assured me that he knew our firm very well by name, and you can imagine how it pleased me, Tom, to hear the respectful tone in which he said that. He asked how many there are of us, and things like that. He asked about Erica and Gr&#252;nlich too. He comes sometimes to the Niederpaurs', and is probably going to-morrow to Wurmsee with us.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, adieu, dear Mamma; I can write no more. If I live and prosper, as you always say, I shall stop here three or four weeks more, and when I come back I will tell you more of Munich, for in a letter it is hard to know where to begin. I like it very much; that I must say&#8212;though one would have to train a cook to make decent sauces. You see, I am an old woman, with my life behind me, and I have nothing more to look forward to on earth. But if, for example, Erica should&#8212;if she lives and prospers&#8212;marry here, I should have nothing against it; that I must say.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Again the Consul was obliged to stop eating and lean back in his chair to laugh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She is simply priceless, Mother. And when she tries to dissimulate, she is incomparable. She is a thousand miles away from being able to carry it off.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tom,&#8221; said the Frau Consul, &#8220;she is a good child, and deserves good fortune.&#8221; And she finished the letter.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;At the end of April Frau Gr&#252;nlich returned home. Another epoch was behind her, and the old existence began again&#8212;attending the daily devotions and the Jerusalem evenings and hearing Lea Gerhardt read aloud. Yet she was obviously in a gay and hopeful mood.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her brother, the Consul, fetched her from the station&#8212;she had come from Buchen&#8212;and drove her through the Holsten Gate into the town. He could not resist paying her the old compliment&#8212;how, next to Clothilde, she was the prettiest one in the family; and she answered: &#8220;Oh, Tom, I hate you! To make fun of an old lady like that&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But he was right, nevertheless: Madame Gr&#252;nlich kept her good looks remarkably. You looked at the thick ash-blonde hair, rolled at the sides, drawn back above the little ears, and fastened on the top of the head with a broad tortoise-shell comb; at the soft expression of her grey-blue eyes, her pretty upper lip, the fine oval and delicate colour of her face&#8212;and you thought of three-and-twenty, perhaps; never of thirty. She wore elegant hanging gold earrings, which, in a somewhat different form, her grandmother had worn before her. A loose bodice of soft dark silk, with satin revers and flat lace epaulettes, gave her pretty bosom an enchanting look of softness and fulness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was in the best of tempers. On Thursday, when Consul Buddenbrook and the ladies from Broad Street, Consul Kr&#246;ger, Clothilde, Sesemi Wiechbrodt and Erica came to tea, she talked vividly about Munich. The beer, the noodles, the artist who wanted to paint her, and the court coaches had made the greatest impressions. She mentioned Herr Permaneder in passing; and Pfiffi Buddenbrook let fall a word or two to the effect that such a journey might be very agreeable, but did not seem to have any practical results. Frau Gr&#252;nlich passed this by with dignity, though she put back her head and tucked in her chin. She fell into the habit now, whenever the vestibule bell rang through the entry, of hurrying to the landing to see who had come. What might that mean? Probably only Ida Jungmann, Tony's governess and year-long confidante, knew that. Ida would say, &#8220;Tony, my child, you will see: he'll come.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The family was grateful to the returned traveller for her cheering presence; for the atmosphere of the house sadly needed brightening. The relations between the head of the firm and his younger brother had not improved. Indeed, they had grown sadly worse. Their Mother, the Frau Consul, followed with anxious misgivings the course of events and had enough to do to mediate between the two. Her hints to visit the office more regularly were received in absent silence by Christian. He met his brother's remonstrances with a mortified air, making no defence, and for a few days would apply himself with somewhat more zeal to the English correspondence. But there developed more and more in the elder an irritated contempt for the younger brother, not decreased by the fact that Christian received his occasional rebukes without seeming offence, only looking at him with the usual absent disquiet in his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tom's irritable activity and the condition of his nerves would not let him listen sympathetically or even patiently to Christian's detailed accounts of his increasing symptoms. To his mother or sister, he referred to them with disgust as &#8220;the silly phenomena of an obstinate introspection.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The ache, the indefinite ache in Christian's left leg, had yielded by now to treatment; but the trouble in swallowing came on often at table, and there was lately a difficulty in breathing, an asthmatic trouble, which Christian thought for several weeks was consumption. He explained its nature and activity at length to his family, his nose wrinkled up the while. Dr. Grabow was called in. He said the heart and lungs were operating soundly, but the occasional difficulty in breathing was due to muscular sluggishness, and ordered first the use of a fan and secondly that of a green powder which one burned, inhaling the smoke. Christian used the fan in the office, and to a remonstrance on the part of the chief answered that in Valparaiso every man in the office was provided with a fan on account of the heat: &#8220;Johnny Thunderstorm&#8212;good God!&#8221; But one day, after he had been wriggling about on his chair for some time, nervous and restless, he took his powder out of his pocket and made such a strong and violent-smelling reek in the room that some of the men began to cough violently, and Herr Marcus grew quite pale. There was an open explosion, a scandal, a dreadful talking-to which would have led to a break at once, but that the Frau Consul once more covered everything all up, reasoned them out of it, and set things going again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But this was not all. The life Christian led outside the house, mainly with his old schoolmate Lawyer Gieseke, was observed by the Consul with disgust. He was no prig, no spoil-sport. He knew very well that his native town, this port and trading city, where men walked the streets proud of their irreproachable reputation as business men, was by no means of spotless morality. They made up to themselves for the tedious hours spent in their offices, by dinners with heavy wines and heavy dishes&#8212;and by other things. But the broad mantle of civic respectability concealed this side of their life. Thomas Buddenbrook's first law was to preserve &#8220;the &lt;i&gt;dehors&lt;/i&gt;&#8221;; wherein he showed himself not so different from his fellow burghers. Lawyer Gieseke was a member of the professional class, whose habits of life were much like those of the merchants. That he was also a &#8220;good fellow,&#8221; anybody could see who looked at him. But, like the other easy men of pleasure in the community, he knew how to avoid trouble by wearing the proper expression and saying the proper thing. And in political and professional matters, he had a reputation of irreproachable respectability. His betrothal to Fr&#228;ulein Huneus had just been announced; whereby he married a considerable dowry and a place in the best society. He was active in civic affairs, and he had his eye on a seat in the Council&#8212;even, ultimately, on the seat of old Burgomaster &#214;verdieck.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But his friend Christian Buddenbrook&#8212;the same who could go calmly up to Mlle. Meyer-de-la-Grange, present her his bouquet, and say, &#8220;Oh, Fr&#228;ulein, how beautifully you act!&#8221;&#8212;Christian had been developed by character and circumstances into a free-liver of the na&#239;ve and untrammeled type. In affairs of the heart, as in all others, he was disinclined to govern his feelings or to practise discretion for the sake of preserving his dignity. The whole town had laughed over his affair with an obscure actress at the summer theatre. Frau Stuht in Bell Founders' Street&#8212;the same who moved in the best society&#8212;told everybody who would listen how Chris had been seen again walking by daylight in the open street with the person from the Tivoli.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Even that did not actually offend people. There was too much candid cynicism in the community to permit a display of serious moral disapproval. Christian Buddenbrook, like Consul Peter D&#246;hlmann&#8212;whose declining business put him into somewhat the same artless class&#8212;was a popular entertainer and indispensable to gentlemen's companions. But neither was taken seriously. In important matters they simply did not count. It was a significant fact that the whole town, the Bourse, the docks, the club, and the street called them by their first names&#8212;Peter and Chris. And enemies, like the Hagenstr&#246;ms, laughed not only at Chris's stories and jokes; but at Chris himself, too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He thought little or nothing of this. If he noticed it, it passed out of his mind again after a momentary disquiet. But his brother the Consul knew it. Thomas knew that Christian afforded a point of attack to the enemies of the family&#8212;and there were already too many such points. The connection with the &#214;verdiecks was distant and would be quite worthless after the Burgomaster's death. The Kr&#246;gers played no r&#244;le now; they lived retired, after the misfortunes with their son. The marriage of the deceased uncle Gotthold was always unpleasant. The Consul's sister was a divorced wife, even if one did not quite give up hope of her re-marrying. And his brother was a laughing-stock in the town, a man with whose clownishness industrious men amused their leisure and then laughed good-naturedly or maliciously. He contracted debts, too, and at the end of the quarter, when he had no more money, would quite openly let Dr. Gieseke pay for him&#8212;which was a direct reflection on the firm. Thomas's contemptuous ill will, which Christian bore with quiet indifference, expressed itself in all the trifling situations that come up between members of a family. If the conversation turned upon the Buddenbrook family history, Christian might be in the mood to speak with serious love and admiration of his native town and of his ancestors. It sat rather oddly on him, to be sure, and the Consul could not stand it: he would cut short the conversation with some cold remark. He despised his brother so much that he could not even permit him to love where he did. If Christian had uttered the same sentiments in the dialect of Marcellus Stengel, Tom could have borne it better. He had read a book, a historical work, which had made such a strong impression on him that he spoke about it and praised it in the family. Christian would by himself never have found out the book; but he was impressionable and accessible to every influence; so he also read it, found it wonderful, and described his reactions with all possible detail. That book was spoiled for Thomas for ever. He spoke of it with cold and critical detachment. He pretended hardly to have read it. He completely gave it over to his brother, to admire all by himself.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Consul Buddenbrook came from the &#8220;Harmony&#8221;&#8212;a reading-club for men, where he had spent the hour after second breakfast&#8212;back into Meng Street. He crossed the yard from behind, entered the side of the garden by the passage which ran between vine-covered walls and connected the back and front courtyards, and called into the kitchen to ask if his brother were at home. They should let him know when he came in. Then he passed through the office (where the men at the desks bent more closely over their work) into the private room; he laid aside his hat and stick, put on his working coat, and sat down in his place by the window, opposite Herr Marcus. Between his pale eyebrows were two deep wrinkles. The yellow end of a Russian cigarette roamed from one corner of his mouth to the other. The movements with which he took up paper and writing materials were so short and jerky that Herr Marcus ran his two fingers up and down his beard and gave his colleague a long, scrutinizing look. The younger men glanced at him with raised eyebrows. The Head was angry.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After half an hour, during which nothing was heard but the scratching of pens and the sound of Herr Marcus discreetly clearing his throat, the Consul looked over the green half-blind and saw Christian coming down the street. He was smoking. He came from the club, where he had eaten and also played a bit. He wore his hat a little awry on his head, and swung his yellow stick, which had come from &#8220;over there&#8221; and had the bust of a nun for a handle. He was obviously in good health and the best of tempers. He came humming into the office, said &#8220;Good morning, gentlemen,&#8221; although it was a bright spring afternoon, and took his place to &#8220;do a bit of work.&#8221; But the Consul got up and, passing him, said without looking at him, &#8220;Oh, may I have a few words with you?&#8221; Christian followed him. They walked rather rapidly through the entry. Thomas held his hands behind his back, and Christian involuntarily did the same, turning his big bony hooked nose toward his brother. The red-blond moustache drooped, English fashion, over his mouth. While they went across the court, Thomas said: &#8220;We will walk a few steps up and down the garden, my friend.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good,&#8221; answered Christian. Then there was a long silence again, while they turned to the left and walked, by the outside way, past the rococo &#8220;portal&#8221; right round the garden, where the buds were beginning to swell. Finally the Consul said in a loud voice, with a long breath, &#8220;I have just been very angry, on account of your behaviour.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. I heard in the &#8216;Harmony' about a remark of yours that you dropped in the club last evening. It was so obnoxious, so incredibly tactless, that I can find no words&#8212;the stupidity called down a sharp snub on you at once. Do you care to recall what it was?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know now what you mean. Who told you that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What has that to do with it? D&#246;hlmann.&#8212;In a voice loud enough so that all the people who did not already know the story could laugh at the joke.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Tom, I must say I was ashamed of Hagenstr&#246;m.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You were ashamed&#8212;&lt;i&gt;you were&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;! Listen to me,&#8221; shouted the Consul, stretching out both hands in front of him and shaking them in excitement. &#8220;In a company consisting of business as well as professional men, you make the remark, for everybody to hear, that, when one really considers it, every business man is a swindler&#8212;you, a business man yourself, belonging to a firm that strains every nerve and muscle to preserve its perfect integrity and spotless reputation!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good heavens, Thomas, it was a joke!&#8212;although, really&#8212;&#8221; Christian hesitated, wrinkling his nose and stooping a little. In this position he took a few steps.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A joke!&#8221; shouted the Consul. &#8220;I think I can understand a joke, but you see how your joke was understood. &#8216;For my part, I have the greatest respect for my calling.' That was what Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m answered you. And there you sat, a good-for-nothing, with no respect for yours&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tom, you don't know what you are talking about. I assure you he spoiled the whole joke. After everybody laughed, as if they agreed with me, there sat this Hagenstr&#246;m and brought out with ridiculous solemnity, &#8216;For my part&#8212;' Stupid fool! I was really ashamed for him. I thought about it a long time in bed last night, and I had a quite remarkable feeling&#8212;you know how it feels&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stop chattering, stop chattering, I beg you,&#8221; interrupted the Consul. He trembled with disgust in his whole body. &#8220;I agree&#8212;I agree with you that his answer was not in the right key, and that it was tasteless. But that is just the kind of people you pick out to say such things to!&#8212;if it is necessary to say them at all&#8212;and so you lay yourself open to an insolent snub like that. Hagenstr&#246;m took the opening to&#8212;give not only you but us a slap. Do you understand what &#8216;for my part' meant? It meant: &#8216;You may have such ideas going about in your brother's office, Herr Buddenbrook.' That's what it meant, you idiot.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Idiot&#8212;?&#8221; said Christian. He looked disturbed and embarrassed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And finally, you belong not to yourself alone; I'm supposed to be indifferent when you make yourself personally ridiculous&#8212;and when don't you make yourself personally ridiculous?&#8221; Thomas cried. He was pale, and the blue veins stood out on his narrow temples, from which the hair went back in two bays. One of his light eyebrows was raised; even the long, stiff pointed ends of his moustache looked angry as he threw his words down at Christian's feet on the gravel with quick sidewise gestures. &#8220;You make yourself a laughing-stock with your love affairs, your harlequinades, your diseases and your remedies.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian shook his head vehemently and put up a warning finger. &#8220;As far as that goes, Tom, you don't understand very well, you know. The thing is&#8212;every one must attend to his own conscience, so to speak. I don't know if you understand that.&#8212;Grabow has ordered me a salve for the throat muscles. Well&#8212;if I don't use it, if I neglect it, I am quite lost and helpless, I am restless and uncertain and worried and upset, and I can't swallow. But if I have been using it, I feel that I have done my duty, I have a good conscience, I am quiet and calm and can swallow famously. The salve does not do it, you know, but the thing is that an idea like that, you understand, can only be destroyed by another idea, an opposite one. I don't know whether you understand me&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes&#8212;oh, yes!&#8221; cried the Consul, holding his head for a moment with both hands. &#8220;Do it, do it, but don't talk about it&#8212;don't gabble about it. Leave other people alone with your horrible nuances. You make yourself ridiculous with your absurd chatter from morning to night. I must tell you, and I repeat it, I am not interested in how much you make a fool of yourself personally. But I forbid your compromising the firm in the way you did yesterday evening.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian did not answer, except to run his hand slowly over his sparse red-brown locks, while his eyes roamed unsteadily and absently, and unrest sat upon his face. Undoubtedly he was still busy with the idea which he had just been expressing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a pause. Thomas stalked along with the calmness of despair. &#8220;All business men are swindlers, you say,&#8221; he began afresh. &#8220;Good. Are you tired of it? Are you sorry you are a business man? You once got permission from Father&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, Tom,&#8221; said Christian reflectively, &#8220;I would really rather study. It must be nice to be in the university. One attends when one likes, at one's own free will, sits down and listens, as in the theatre&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As in the theatre! Yes, I think your right place is that of a comedian in a caf&#233; chantant. I am not joking. I am perfectly convinced that is your secret ideal.&#8221; Christian did not deny it; he merely gazed aimlessly about. &#8220;And you have the cheek to make such a remark&#8212;when you haven't the slightest notion of work, and spend your days storing up a lot of feelings and sensations and episodes you hear in the theatre and when you are loafing about, God knows where; you take these and pet them and study them and chatter about them shamelessly!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tom,&#8221; said Christian. He was a little depressed, and rubbed his hand again over his head. &#8220;That is true: you have expressed it quite correctly. That is the difference between us. You enjoy the theatre yourself; and you had your little affairs too, once on a time, between ourselves! And there was a time when you preferred novels and poetry and all that. But you have always known how to reconcile it with regular work and a serious life. I haven't that. I am quite used up with the other; I have nothing left over for the regular life&#8212; I don't know whether you understand&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, so you see that?&#8221; cried Thomas, standing still and folding his arms on his breast. &#8220;You humbly admit that, and still you go on the same old way? Are you a dog, Christian? A man has some pride, by God! One doesn't live a life that one may not know how to defend oneself. But so you are. That is your character. If you can only see a thing and understand and describe it&#8212;. No, my patience is at an end, Christian.&#8221; And the Consul took a quick backward step and made a gesture with his arms straight out. &#8220;It is at an end, I tell you.&#8212;You draw your pay, and stay away from the office. That isn't what irritates me. Go and trifle your life away, as you have been doing, if you choose. But you compromise us, all of us, wherever you are. You are a growth, a fester, on the body of our family. You are a disgrace to us here in this town, and if this house were mine, I'd show you the door!&#8221; he screamed, making a wild sweeping gesture over the garden, the court, and the whole property. He had no more control of himself. A long-stored-up well of hatred poured itself out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is the matter with you, Thomas?&#8221; said Christian. He was seized with unaccustomed anger, standing there in a position common to bow-legged people, like a questionmark, with head, stomach, and knees all prominent. His little deep eyes were wide open and surrounded by red rims down to the cheek-bones, as his Father's used to be in anger. &#8220;How are you speaking to me? What have I done to you? I'll go, without being thrown out. Shame on you!&#8221; he added with downright reproach, accompanying the word with a short, snapping motion in front of him, as if he were catching a fly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Strange to say, Thomas did not meet this outburst by more anger. He bent his head and slowly took his way around the garden. It seemed to quiet him, actually to do him good to have made his brother angry at last&#8212;to have pushed him finally to the energy of a protest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Believe me,&#8221; he said quietly, putting his hands behind his back again, &#8220;this conversation is truly painful to me. But it had to take place. Such scenes in the family are frightful, but we must speak out once for all. Let us talk the thing over quietly, young one. You do not like your present position, it seems?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Tom; you are right about that. You see, at first I was very well satisfied. I know I'm better off here than in a stranger's business. But what I want is the independence, I think. I have always envied you when I saw you sit there and work, for it is really no work at all for you. You work not because you must, but as master and head, and let others work for you, and you have the control, make your calculations, and are free. It is quite different.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good, Christian. Why couldn't you have said that before? You can make yourself free, or freer, if you like. You know Father left you as well as me an immediate inheritance of fifty thousand marks current; and I am ready at any moment to pay out this sum for a reasonable and sound purpose. In Hamburg, or anywhere else you like, there are plenty of safe but limited firms where they could use an increase of capital, and where you could enter as a partner. Let us think the matter over quietly, each by himself, and also speak to Mother at a good opportunity. I must get to work, and you could for the present go on with the English correspondence.&#8221; As they crossed the entry, he added, &#8220;What do you say, for instance, to H. C. F. Burmeester and Company in Hamburg? Import and export. I know the man. I am certain he would snap at it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That was in the end of May of the year 1857. At the beginning of June Christian travelled via Buchen to Hamburg&#8212;a heavy loss to the club, the theatre, the Tivoli, and the liberal livers of the town. All the &#8220;good fellows,&#8221; among them Dr. Gieseke and Peter D&#246;hlmann, took leave of him at the station, and brought him flowers and cigars, and laughed to split their sides&#8212;recalling, no doubt, all the stories Christian had told them. And Lawyer Gieseke, amidst general applause, fastened to Christian's overcoat a great favour made out of gold paper. This favour came from a sort of inn in the neighbourhood of the port, a place of free and easy resort where a red lantern burned above the door at night, and it was always very lively. The favour was awarded to the departing Chris Buddenbrook for his distinguished services.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The outer bell rang, and Frau Gr&#252;nlich appeared on the landing to look down into the court&#8212;a habit she had lately formed. The door was hardly opened below when she started, leaned over still more, and then sprang back with one hand pressing her handkerchief to her mouth and the other holding up her gown. She hurried upstairs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the steps to the second storey she met Ida Jungmann, to whom she whispered in a suffocated voice. Ida gave a joyous shriek and answered with some Polish gibberish.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul was sitting in the landscape-room, crocheting a shawl or some such article with two large wooden needles. It was eleven o'clock in the morning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The servant came through the hall, knocked on the glass door, and waddled in to bring the Frau Consul a visiting-card. She took the card, got out her sewing-glasses, and read it. Then she looked again at the girl's red face; then read again; then looked up again at the girl. Finally she said calmly but firmly:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What &lt;i&gt;is&lt;/i&gt; this, my dear? What does it mean?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the card was printed: &#8220;X. Noppe and Company.&#8221; The &#8220;X. Noppe&#8221; and the &#8220;and&#8221; were crossed out with a lead-pencil, so that only the &#8220;Company&#8221; was left. &#8220;Oh, Frau Consul,&#8221; said the maid, &#8220;there's a gentleman, but he doesn't speak German, and he do go on so&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ask the gentleman in,&#8221; said the Frau Consul; for she understood now that it was the &#8220;Company&#8221; who desired admittance. The maid went. Then the glass door was opened again to let in a stocky figure, who remained in the shadowy background of the room for a moment and said with a drawling pronunciation something that seemed as if it might have been: &#8220;I have the honour&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good morning,&#8221; said the Frau Consul. &#8220;Will you not come in?&#8221; And she supported herself on the sofa-cushion and rose a little; for she did not know yet whether she ought to rise all the way or not.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I take the liberty,&#8221; replied the gentleman in a pleasant sing-song; while he bowed in the politest manner, and took two steps forward. Then he stood still again and looked around as if searching for something&#8212;perhaps for a place to put his hat and stick, for he had brought both&#8212;the stick being a horn crutch with the top shaped like a claw and a good foot and a half long&#8212;into the room with him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was a man of forty years. Short-legged and chubby, he wore a wide-open coat of brown frieze and a light flowered waistcoat which covered the gentle protuberant curve of his stomach and supported a gold watch-chain with a whole bouquet of charms made of horn, bone, silver, and coral. His trousers were of an indefinite grey-green colour and too short. The material must have been extraordinarily stiff, for the edges stood out in a circle around the legs of his short, broad boots. He had a bullet head, untidy hair, and a stubby nose, and the light-blond curly moustache drooping over his mouth made him look like a walrus. By way of contrast, the imperial between his chin and his underlip stood out rather bristly. His cheeks were extremely fat and puffy, crowding his eyes into two narrow light-blue cracks with wrinkles at the corners. The whole face looked swollen and had a funny expression of fierceness, mingled with an almost touching good nature. Directly below his tiny chin a steep line ran into the white neck-cloth: his goiterous neck could not have endured a choker. In fact, the whole lower part of his face and his neck, the back of his head, his cheeks and nose, all ran rather formlessly in together. The whole skin of the face was stretched to an immoderate tightness and showed a roughness at the ear-joinings and the sides of the nose. In one of his short fat white hands the visitor held his stick; in the other his green Tyrolese hat, decorated with a chamois beard.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul had taken off her glasses and was still rising from her sofa-pillow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What can I do for you?&#8221; she asked politely but pointedly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The gentleman, with a movement of decision, laid his hat and stick on the lid of the harmonium. He rubbed his free hands with satisfaction and looked at the Frau Consul out of his kindly, light-blue eyes. &#8220;I beg the gracious lady's pardon for the card,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I had no other by me. My name is Permaneder&#8212;Alois Permaneder, from Munich. Perhaps you might have heard my name from your daughter.&#8221; He said all this in a puzzling dialect with a rather loud, coarse voice; but there was a confidential gleam from the cracks of his eyes, which seemed to say: &#8220;I'm sure we understand each other already.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul had now risen entirely and went forward with her hand outstretched and her head inclined in greeting.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Herr Permaneder! Is it you? Certainly my daughter has spoken of you. I know how much you contributed to make her visit in Munich pleasant and entertaining. And so some wind has blown you all the way up here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's it; you're just right there,&#8221; said Herr Permaneder. He sat down by the Frau Consul in the arm-chair which she gracefully indicated to him, and began to rub his short round thighs comfortably with both hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I beg your pardon?&#8221; asked the Frau Consul. She had not understood a single word of his remark.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've guessed it, that's the point,&#8221; answered Herr Permaneder, as he stopped rubbing his knees.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How nice!&#8221; said the Frau Consul blankly. She leaned back in her chair with feigned satisfaction and folded her hands. Actually, she was quite as much at sea as before, and inly wondering if Antonie were really able to follow the windings of the Bavarian tongue. But Herr Permaneder&#8212;though his appearance hardly led one to expect that he possessed acute sensibilities&#8212;saw through her at once. He bent forward, making&#8212;God knows why&#8212;circles in the air with his hand, and, struggling after clarity, enunciated the words: &#8220;The gracious lady is surprised?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Herr Permaneder, yes!&#8221; she cried, with disproportionate joy, for she had really understood him. Perhaps they could manage after all! But now there came a pause. To fill it out, Herr Permaneder gave a sort of groan, and followed it up by an exclamation in the broadest of dialect: something that shocked the Frau Consul because it sounded so like swearing, though it probably wasn't&#8212;at least, she hoped not! Should she ask him to repeat it?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah&#8212;what did you say?&#8221; she ventured, turning her light eyes a little away, that he might not see the bewilderment they expressed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Permaneder obliged by repeating, with extraordinary loudness and coarseness. Surely it was something about a crucifix! Horrors!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How nice!&#8221; she stammered again, with desperate finality; and thus this subject also was disposed of. It might be better to talk a little oneself. &#8220;May one ask,&#8221; she went on, &#8220;what brings you so far, Herr Permaneder? It is a good long journey from Munich!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A little business,&#8221; said Herr Permaneder, as before, and waved his broad hand in the air. It was really touching, the efforts he made. &#8220;A little business, my dear lady, with the brewery at Walkmill.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes&#8212;you are hop merchants, of course, my dear Herr Permaneder: Noppe and Company, isn't it? I am sure I have heard good things of your firm from my son,&#8221; said the Frau Consul cordially. Again she felt as if she were almost upon firm ground. Herr Permaneder waved away the compliment. That was nothing to mention. No, the main thing was, he wanted to pay his respects to the Frau Consul and&#8212;see Frau Gr&#252;nlich again. That was enough to make the journey repay the trouble it cost.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul did not understand it all, but she got the general drift, and was glad. &#8220;Oh, thank you,&#8221; she said, with the utmost heartiness, and again offered him her hand, with the palm outstretched.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But we must call my daughter,&#8221; she added, and stood up and went toward the embroidered bell-pull near the glass door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Lord, yes, I'll be glad to see her!&#8221; cried the hop merchant, and turned his chair and himself toward the door at one and the same time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul said to the servant: &#8220;Ask Madame Gr&#252;nlich to come down, my dear.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then she went back to her sofa, and Herr Permaneder turned himself and his chair around again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lord, yes, I'll be glad!&#8221; he repeated, while he stared at the hangings and the furniture and the great S&#232;vres inkstand on the secretary. But then he sighed heavily, several times over, rubbed his knees, and gave vent to his favourite outlandish phrase. The Frau Consul thought it more discreet not to inquire again into his meaning; besides, he muttered it under his breath, with a sort of groan, though his mood, otherwise, appeared to be anything but despondent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And now Frau Gr&#252;nlich appeared. She had made a little toilette, put on a light blouse, and dressed her hair. Her face looked fresher and prettier than ever, and the tip of her tongue played in the corner of her mouth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Scarcely had she entered when Herr Permaneder sprang up and went to meet her with tremendous enthusiasm. He vibrated all over. He seized both her hands, shook them and cried: &#8220;Well, Frau Gr&#252;nlich! Well, well, &lt;i&gt;gr&#252;ss Gott&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb15&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;gr&#252;ss Gott &#8211; greetings, good day&#034; id=&#034;nh15&#034;&gt;15&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;! Well, and how's it been going with you? What you been doing up here? Yes, yes! Gr&#252;ss Gott! Lord, I'm just silly glad to see you. Do you think sometimes of little old Munich and what a gay time we had? Oh, my, oh my! And here we are again. Who would 'a' thought it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony, on her side, greeted him with great vivacity, drew up a chair, and began to chat with him about her weeks in Munich. Now the conversation went on without hitches, and the Frau Consul followed it, smiling and nodding encouragingly at Herr Permaneder. She would translate this or that expression into her own tongue, and then lean back into the sofa again, well pleased with her own intelligence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Permaneder had to explain to Frau Antonie in her turn the reason of his appearance. But he laid small stress on the &#8220;little business&#8221; with the brewery, and it was obviously not the occasion of his visit at all. He asked with interest after the second daughter and the sons of the Frau Consul, and regretted loudly the absence of Clara and Christian, as he had always wanted to get acquainted with the whole family.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He said his stay in the town was of indefinite length, but when the Frau Consul said: &#8220;I am expecting my son for second breakfast at any moment, Herr Permaneder. Will you give us the pleasure of your company?&#8221; he accepted the invitation almost before she gave it, with such alacrity that it was plain he had expected it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul came. He had found the breakfast-room empty, and appeared in his office coat, tired and preoccupied, to take a hasty bite. But when he saw the strange guest with the frieze jacket and the fantastic watch-chain, he became all charm. He had heard his name often enough from Frau Antonie, and he threw a quick glance at his sister as he greeted Herr Permaneder in his most fascinating manner. He did not sit down. They went directly down to the entresol, where Mamsell Jungmann had laid the table and set the samovar&#8212;a real samovar, a present from Pastor Tiburtius and Clara.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've got it good here,&#8221; said Herr Permaneder, as he let himself down in his chair and looked at the variety of cold meats on the table. His grammar, now and then, was of the most artless and disarming quality.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It isn't Munich beer, of course, Herr Permaneder, but still it is better than our domestic brew.&#8221; And the Consul poured him a glass of the brown foaming porter, which he was accustomed to drink himself at midday.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank you kindly, neighbour,&#8221; said Herr Permaneder, quite unaware of the outraged look Mamsell Jungmann cast at him. But he drank so moderately of the porter that the Frau Consul had a bottle of red wine brought up; whereat he grew visibly gayer and began to talk with Frau Gr&#252;nlich again. He sat, on account of his prominent stomach, well away from the table, with his legs far apart, and one of his arms, with the plump white hand, hanging down over the chair-back. He put his round head with its walrus moustache on one side and blinked out of the cracks of his eyes na&#239;vely as he listened to Tony's conversation. He looked offensively comfortable. As he had had no experience with sprats, she daintily dismembered them for him, commenting the while on life in general.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh Heavens, how sad it is, Herr Permaneder, that everything good and lovely in this world is so fleeting,&#8221; she said, referring to her Munich visit. She laid down her knife and fork a moment and looked earnestly up at the ceiling. She made charming if unsuccessful efforts to speak Bavarian.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
During the meal there was a knock at the door, and the office boy brought in a telegram. The Consul read it, letting the long ends of his moustache run through his fingers. He was plainly preoccupied with the contents of the message; but, even as he read it, he asked in the easiest tone: &#8220;Well, how is business, Herr Permaneder?&#8212;That will do,&#8221; he said immediately to the apprentice, who disappeared.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well, neighbour,&#8221; answered Herr Permaneder, turning himself about toward the Consul's side with the awkwardness of a man who has a thick, stiff neck, and letting his other arm hang over the chair-back. &#8220;There's naught to speak of&#8212;it's a fair plague. You see, Munich&#8221;&#8212;he pronounced the name of his native city in such a way that one could only guess what he meant&#8212;&#8220;Munich is no commercial town. Everybody wants his peace and quiet and his beer&#8212;nobody gets despatches while he's eating; not there. You're a different cut up here&#8212;Holy Sacrament! Yes, thank you kindly, I'll take another glass. Tough luck, that's what it is; tough luck. My partner, Noppe, wanted to go to Nuremberg, because they have a Bourse there and are keen on business, but I won't forsake my Munich. Not me! That would be a fine thing to do! You see, there's no competition, and the export trade is just silly. Even in Russia they'll be beginning soon to plant and build for themselves.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then he suddenly threw the Consul a quick, shrewd look and said: &#8220;Oh, well, neighbour, 'tain't so bad as it sounds. Yon's a fair little business. We make money with the joint-stock brewery, that Niederpaur is director of. That was just a small affair, but we've put it on its legs and lent it credit&#8212;cash too, four per cent on security&#8212;and now we can do business at a profit, and we've collared a blame good trade already.&#8221; Herr Permaneder declined cigars and cigarettes and asked leave to smoke his pipe. He drew the long horn bowl out of his pocket, enveloped himself in a reek of smoke, and entered upon a business conversation with the Consul, which glided into politics, and Bavaria's relations with Prussia, and King Max, and the Emperor Napoleon. He garnished his views with disjointed sighs and some perfectly unintelligible Munich phrases.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mamsell Jungmann, out of sheer astonishment, continually forgot to chew, even when she had food in her mouth. She blinked speechlessly at the guest out of her bright brown eyes, standing her knife and fork perpendicularly on the table and swaying them back and forth. This room had never before beheld Herr Permaneder's like. Never had it been filled by such reeking pipe-smoke; such unpleasantly easy manners were foreign to it. The Frau Consul abode in cordial miscomprehension, after she had made inquiries and received information as to the sufferings of the little protestant oasis among the Munich papists. Tony seemed to grow somewhat absent and restive in the course of the meal. But the Consul was highly entertained, asked his mother to order up another bottle of wine, and cordially invited Herr Permaneder to a visit in Broad Street&#8212;his wife would be charmed. A good three hours after his arrival the hop dealer began to show signs of leaving&#8212;emptied his glass, knocked out his pipe, called something or other &#8220;bad luck,&#8221; and got up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have the honour, madame. Good day, Frau Gr&#252;nli' and Herr Consul&#8212;servant, servant.&#8221; At this Ida Jungmann actually shivered and changed colour. &#8220;Good day, Freilein,&#8221; he said to her, and he repeated &#8220;Good day&#8221; at the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul and her son exchanged a glance. Herr Permaneder had announced his intention of stopping at the modest inn on the Trave whither he had gone on arrival. The Frau Consul went toward him again. &#8220;My daughter's Munich friend,&#8221; she began, &#8220;lives so far away that we shall have no opportunity to repay her hospitality. But if you, my dear sir, would give us the pleasure of your company while you are in town&#8212;you would be very welcome.&#8221; She held her hand out to him; and lo! Herr Permaneder accepted this invitation as blithely as he had the one to dinner. He kissed the hands of both ladies&#8212;and a funny sight he was as he did so&#8212;fetched his hat and stick from the landscape-room, and promised to have his trunk brought at once and to be on the spot at four o'clock, after transacting his business. Then he allowed the Consul to convoy him down the stairs. But even at the vestibule door he turned again and shook hands violently. &#8220;No offence, neighbour,&#8221; he said&#8212;&#8220;your sister is certainly a great girl&#8212;no doubt about it. Good day,&#8221; and he disappeared, still wagging his head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul felt an irresistible drawing to go up again and see the ladies. Ida Jungmann had gone to look after the linen for the guest-room. The Frau Consul still sat at the breakfast-table, her light eyes fixed on a spot on the ceiling. She was lightly drumming with her white fingers on the cloth. Tony sat at the window, her arms folded, gazing straight ahead of her with a severe air. Silence reigned.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well?&#8221; said Thomas, standing in the door and taking a cigarette out of the box ornamented with the troika. His shoulders shook with laughter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A pleasant man,&#8221; commented the Frau Consul innocently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quite my opinion.&#8221; The Consul made a quick, humorous turn toward Tony, as if he were asking her in the most respectful manner for her opinion as well. She was silent, and looked neither to the right nor to the left.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I think, Tom, he ought to stop swearing,&#8221; went on the Frau Consul with mild disapproval. &#8220;If I understood him correctly, he kept using the words Sacrament and Cross.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, that's nothing, Mother&#8212;he doesn't mean anything by that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And perhaps a little too easy-mannered, Tom?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes; that is south-German,&#8221; said the Consul, breathing the smoke slowly out into the room. He smiled at his mother and stole glances at Tony. His mother saw the glances not at all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You will come to dinner to-day with Gerda. Please do me the favour, Tom.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly, Mother, with the greatest of pleasure. To tell the truth, I promise myself much pleasure from this guest, don't you? He is something different from your ministers, in any case.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Everybody to his taste, Tom.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course. I must go now.&#8212;Oh, Tony,&#8221; he said, the door-handle in his hand, &#8220;you have made a great impression on him. No, no joke. Do you know what he called you down there just now? A great girl! Those were his very words.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But here Frau Gr&#252;nlich turned around and said clearly: &#8220;Very good, Tom. You are repeating his words&#8212;and I don't know that he would mind; but even so I am not sure it was just the nicest thing to do. But this much I do know: and this much I am going to say: that in this life it does not depend on how things are said and expressed, but on how they are felt and meant in the heart; and if you make fun of Herr Permaneder's language and find him ridiculous&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who? Why? Tony, what an idea! Why are you getting excited&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Assez,&#8221; said the Frau Consul, casting an imploring glance at her son. It meant &#8220;Spare her!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Please don't be angry, Tony,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I didn't mean to provoke you. And now I will go and see that somebody from the warehouse brings Herr Permaneder's trunk. Au revoir.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Herr Permaneder moved into Meng Street; he ate dinner with Thomas Buddenbrook and his wife the following day; and on the third, a Thursday, he made the acquaintance of Justus Kr&#246;ger and his wife, the three ladies from Broad Street, who found him &#8220;frightfully funny&#8221; (they said fr-right-fully), Sesemi Weichbrodt, who was rather stern with him, and poor Clothilde and little Erica, to whom he gave a bag of bonbons.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The man was invincibly good-humoured. His sighs, in fact, meant nothing, and seemed to arise out of an excess of comfort. He smoked his pipe, talked in his curious dialect, and displayed an inexhaustible power of sitting still. He kept his place long after the meal was finished, in the most easy attitude possible, and smoked, drank, and chatted. His presence gave to the life in the old home a new and strange tone; his very being brought something unharmonious into the room. But he disturbed none of the traditional customs of the house. He was faithful to morning and evening prayers, asked permission to attend one of the Frau Consul's Sunday School classes, and even appeared on a Jerusalem evening in the drawing-room and was presented to the guests, but withdrew affrighted when Lea Gerhardt began to read aloud.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was soon known in the town. They spoke in the great houses about the Buddenbrooks' guest from Bavaria; but neither in the family nor on the Bourse did he make connections, and as it was already the time when people were making ready to go to the shore, the Consul refrained from introducing Herr Permaneder into society. But he devoted himself with zeal to the guest, taking time from his business and civic engagements to show him about the town and point out the medi&#230;val monuments&#8212;churches, gates, fountains, market, Town Hall, and Ship Company. He made him acquainted with his own nearest friends on Exchange and entertained him in every way. His mother took occasion one day to thank him for his self-sacrifice; but he only remarked drily: &#8220;Why, ye-es, Mother&#8212;what wouldn't one do?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul left this unanswered. She did not even smile or move her eyelids, but shifted the gaze of her light eyes and changed the subject.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She preserved an even, hearty friendliness toward Herr Permaneder&#8212;which could hardly be said of her daughter. On the third or fourth day after his arrival the hop dealer let it be known that he had concluded his business with the local brewery. But a week and a half had passed since then, and he had been present for two children's afternoons. On these occasions, Frau Gr&#252;nlich had sat blushing and watching his every motion, casting quick embarrassed glances at Thomas and the three Buddenbrook cousins. She talked hardly at all, sat for long minutes stiff and speechless, or even got up and left the room.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The green blinds in Frau Gr&#252;nlich's sleeping-room were gently stirred by the mild air of a June night, for the windows were open. It was a large room, with simple furniture covered in grey linen. On the night-table at the side of the high bed several little wicks burned in a glass with oil and water in it, filling the room with faint, even light. Frau Gr&#252;nlich was in bed. Her pretty head was sunk softly in the lace-edged pillow, and her hands lay folded on the quilted coverlet. But her eyes, too thoughtful to close themselves, slowly followed the movements of a large insect with a long body, which perpetually besieged the glass with a million soundless motions of his wings. Near the bed there was a framed text hanging on the wall, between two old copper-plate views of the town in the Middle Ages. It said: &#8220;Commit your ways unto the Lord.&#8221; But what good is a text like that when you are lying awake at midnight, and you have to decide for your whole life, and other people's too, whether it shall be yes or no?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was very still. The clock ticked away on the wall, and the only other sound was Mamsell Jungmann's occasional cough. Her room was next to Tony's, divided only by curtains from it. She still had a light. The born-and-bred Prussian was sitting under the hanging lamp at her extension-table, darning stockings for little Erica. The child's deep, peaceful breathing could be heard in the room, for Sesemi's pupils were having summer holidays and Erica was at home again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Gr&#252;nlich sighed and sat up a little, propping her head on her hand. &#8220;Ida,&#8221; she called softly, &#8220;are you still sitting there mending?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, Tony, my child,&#8221; Ida answered. &#8220;Sleep now; you will be getting up early in the morning, and you won't get enough rest.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right, Ida. You will wake me at six o'clock?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Half-past is early enough, child. The carriage is ordered for eight. Go on sleeping, so you will look fresh and pretty.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I haven't slept at all yet.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, Tony, that is a bad child. Do you want to look all knocked up for the picnic? Drink seven swallows of water, and then lie down and count a thousand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Ida, do come here a minute. I can't sleep, I tell you, and my head aches for thinking. Feel&#8212;I think I have some fever, and there is something the matter with my tummy again. Or is it because I am an&#230;mic? The veins in my temples are all swollen and they beat so that it hurts; but still, there may be too little blood in my head.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A chair was pushed back, and Ida Jungmann's lean, vigorous figure, in her unfashionable brown gown, appeared between the porti&#232;res.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, now, Tony&#8212;fever? Let me feel, my child&#8212;I'll make you a compress.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She went with her long firm masculine tread to the chest for a handkerchief, dipped it into the water-basin, and, going back to the bed, laid it on Tony's forehead, stroking her brow a few times with both hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank you, Ida; that feels good.&#8212;Oh, please sit down a few minutes, good old Ida. Sit down on the edge of the bed. You see, I keep thinking the whole time about to-morrow. What shall I do? My head is going round and round.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ida sat down beside her, with her needle and the stocking drawn over the darner again in her hand, and bent over them the smooth grey head and the indefatigable bright brown eyes. &#8220;Do you think he is going to propose to-morrow?&#8221; she asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No doubt of it at all. He won't lose this opportunity. It happened with Clara on just such an expedition. I could avoid it, of course, I could keep with the others all the time and not let him get near me. But then, that would settle it! He is leaving day after to-morrow, he said, and he cannot stay any longer if nothing comes of it to-day. It &lt;i&gt;must&lt;/i&gt; be decided to-day.&#8212;But what shall I say, Ida, when he asks me? You've never been married, so of course you know nothing about life, &lt;i&gt;really&lt;/i&gt;; but you are a truthful woman, and you have some sense&#8212;and you are forty-two years old! Do tell me what you think.&#8212;I do so need advice!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ida Jungmann let the stocking fall into her lap.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, Tony child, I have thought a great deal about it. But what I think is, there is nothing to advise about. He can't go away without speaking to you and your Mamma, and if you didn't want him, you should have sent him away before now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are right there, Ida; but I could not do it&#8212;I suppose because it &lt;i&gt;is to be&lt;/i&gt;! But now I keep thinking: &#8216;It isn't too late yet; I can still draw back!' So I am living here tormenting myself&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you like him, Tony? Tell me straight out.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Ida. It would not be the truth if I should say no. He is not handsome&#8212;but that isn't the important thing in this life; and he is as good as gold, and couldn't do anything mean&#8212;at least, he seems so to me. When I think about Gr&#252;nlich&#8212;oh, goodness! He was all the time saying how clever and resourceful he was, and all the time hiding his villainy. Permaneder is not in the least like that. You might say he is too easy-going and takes life too comfortably&#8212;and that is a fault too; because he will never be a millionaire that way, and he really is too much inclined to let things go and muddle along&#8212;as they say down there. They are all like that down there, Ida&#8212;that is what I mean. In Munich, where he was among his own kind and everybody spoke and looked as he does, I fairly loved him, he seemed so nice and faithful and comfy. And I noticed it was mutual&#8212;but part of that, I dare say, was that he takes me for a rich woman, richer probably than I am; because Mother cannot do much more for me, as you know. But I hardly think that will make much difference to him&#8212;a great lot of money would not be to his taste.&#8212;But&#8212;what was I saying, Ida?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is in Munich, Tony. But here&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, here, Ida! You know how it was already: up here he was torn right out of his own element and set against everybody here, and they are all ever so much stiffer, and&#8212;more dignified and serious. Here I really often blush for him, though it may be unworthy of me. You know&#8212;it even happened several times that he said &#8216;me' instead of &#8216;I.' But they say that down there; even the most cultured people do, and it doesn't hurt anything&#8212;it slips out once in a while and nobody minds. But up here&#8212;here sits Mother on one side and Tom on the other, looking at him and lifting their eyebrows, and Uncle Justus gives a start and fairly snorts, the way the Kr&#246;gers do, and Pfiffi Buddenbrook gives her Mother a look, or Friederike or Henriette, and I feel so mortified I want to run out of the room, and it doesn't seem as if I &lt;i&gt;could&lt;/i&gt; marry him&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, childie&#8212;it would be Munich that you would live in with him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are right, Ida. But the engagement!&#8212;and if I have to feel the whole time mortified to death before the family and the Kistenmakers and the M&#246;llendorpfs, because they think he is common&#8212; Oh, Gr&#252;nlich was much more refined, though he was certainly black within, as Herr Stengel would have said.&#8212;Oh, Ida, my head! do wet the compress again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But it must be so, in the end,&#8221; she went on again, drawing a long breath as the compress went on; &#8220;for the main point is and remains that I must get married again, and not stick about here any longer as a divorced woman. Ah, Ida, I think so much about the past these days: about the time when Gr&#252;nlich first appeared, and the scenes he made me&#8212;scandalous, Ida!&#8212;and then about Travem&#252;nde and the Schwarzkopfs&#8212;&#8221; She spoke slowly, and her eyes rested for a while dreamily on a darn in Erica's stocking. &#8220;And then the betrothal, and Eimsb&#252;ttel, and our house. It was quite elegant, Ida. When I think of my morning-gowns&#8212; It would not be like that with Permaneder; one gets more modest as life goes on&#8212; And Dr. Klaasen and the baby, and Banker Kesselmeyer&#8212;and then the end. It was frightful; you can't imagine how frightful it was. And when you have had such dreadful experiences in life&#8212; But Permaneder would never go in for anything filthy like that. That is the last thing in the world I should expect of him, and we can rely on him too in a business way, for I really think he makes a good deal with Noppe at the Niederpaur brewery. And when I am his wife, you'll see, Ida, I will take care that he has ambition and gets ahead and makes an effort and is a credit to me and all of us. &lt;i&gt;That&lt;/i&gt;, at least, he takes upon himself when he marries a Buddenbrook!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She folded her hands under her head and looked at the ceiling. &#8220;Yes, ten years ago and more, I married Gr&#252;nlich. Ten years! And here I am at the same place again, saying yes to somebody else. You know, Ida, life is very, very serious. Only the difference is that then it was a great affair, and they all pressed me and tormented me, whereas now they are all perfectly quiet and take it for granted that I am going to say yes. Of course you know, Ida, that this engagement to Alois&#8212;I say Alois, because of course it is to be&#8212;has nothing very gay or festive about it, and it isn't really a question of my happiness at all. I am making this second marriage with my eyes open, to make good the mistake of my first one, as a duty which I owe our name. Mother thinks so, and so does Tom.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But oh, dear, Tony&#8212;if you don't like him, and if he won't make you happy&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ida, I know life, and I am not a little goose any more. I have the use of my senses. I don't say that Mother would actually insist on it&#8212;when there is a dispute over anything she usually avoids it and says &#8216;Assez!' But Tom wants it. I know Tom. He thinks: &#8216;Anybody! Anybody who isn't absolutely impossible.' For this time it is not a question of a brilliant match, but just one that will make good the other one. That is what he thinks. As soon as Permaneder appeared, you may be sure that Tom made all the proper inquiries about his business, and found it was all right&#8212;and then, as far as he was concerned, the matter was settled. Tom is a politician&#8212;he knows what he wants. Who was it threw Christian out? That is strong language, Ida, but that was really the truth of it. And why? Because he was compromising the firm and the family. And in his eyes I do the same thing&#8212;not with words or acts, but by my very existence as a divorced woman. He wants that put an end to, and he is right. I love him none the less for that&#8212;nor, I hope, does he me. In all these years, I have always longed to be out in the world again; it is so dull here in this house. God punish me if that is a sin: but I am not much more than thirty, and I still feel young. People differ about that. You had grey hair at thirty, like all your family and that uncle that died at Marienwerder.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
More and more observations of the same kind followed as the night wore on; and every now and again she would say: &#8220;It is to be, after all.&#8221; But at length she went to sleep, and slept for five hours on end, deeply and peacefully.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;A mist lay over the town. But&#8212;or so said Herr Longuet, the livery man in John Street, as he himself drove the covered char-&#224;-banc up to the door of the house in Meng Street: &#8220;The sun will be out before an hour is over&#8221;&#8212;which was most encouraging.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul, Antonie, Herr Permaneder, Erica, and Ida had breakfast together and gathered one after another, ready for the expedition, in the great entry, to wait for Gerda and Tom. Frau Gr&#252;nlich, in a cream-coloured frock with a satin tie, looked her best, despite the loss of sleep the night before. Her doubts and fears seemed to be laid to rest, and her manner was assured, calm, and almost formal as she talked with their guest and fastened her glove-button. She had regained the tone of the old days. The well-known conviction of her own importance, of the weightiness of her own decisions, the consciousness that once more a day had come when she was to inscribe herself decisively in the family history&#8212;all this filled her heart and made it beat higher. She had dreamed of seeing that page in the family papers on which she would write down the fact of her betrothal&#8212;the fact that should obliterate and make void the black spot which the page contained. She looked forward to the moment when Tom would appear and she would greet him with a meaning nod.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He came with his wife, somewhat tardily, for the young Frau Consul was not used to make such an early toilette. He looked well and happy in his light-brown checked suit, the broad revers of which showed the white waistcoat beneath; and his eyes had a smile in them as he noted Tony's incomparably dignified mien. Gerda, with her slightly exotic, even morbid beauty, which was always in great contrast to her sister-in-law's healthy prettiness, was not in a holiday mood. Probably she had risen too early. The deep lilac background of her frock suited oddly with her dark-red hair and made her skin look whiter and more even-toned than ever, and the bluish shadows deeper and darker in the corners of her close-set brown eyes. She rather coldly offered her mother-in-law her brow to kiss, gave her hand to Herr Permaneder with an almost ironical expression on her face, and answered only by a deprecating smile when Tony clapped her hands and cried out in her hearty way: &#8220;Oh, Gerda, how &lt;i&gt;lovely&lt;/i&gt; you always look!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She had a real distaste for expeditions like to-day's, especially in summer and most especially on Sunday. She lived in the twilight of her curtained living-rooms, and dreaded the sun, the dust, the crowds of townsfolk in their holiday clothes, the smell of coffee, beer, and tobacco; and above everything else in the world she hated getting hot and upset. When the expedition to Swartau and the &#8220;Giant Bush&#8221; was arranged, in order to give the Munich guest a glimpse of the surroundings of the old town, Gerda said lightly to her husband &#8220;Dearest, you know how I am made: I only like peace and quiet. I was not meant for change and excitement. You'll let me off, won't you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She would not have married him if she had not felt sure of his essential agreement with her in these matters.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, heavens, yes; you are right, of course, Gerda. It is mostly imagination that one enjoys oneself on such parties. Still, one goes, because one does not like to seem odd, either to oneself or to the others. Everybody has that kind of vanity; don't you think so? People get the idea that you are solitary or else unhappy, and they have less respect for you. And then, there is something else, Gerda dear. We all want to pay a little court to Herr Permaneder. Of course you see what the situation is. Something is going on; it would be a real pity if it came to nothing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I do not see, my dear friend, why my presence&#8212;but no matter. Let it be as you wish. Let us indulge.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They went into the street. And the sun actually began at that moment to pierce the morning mist. The bells of St. Mary's were ringing for Sunday, and the twittering of birds filled the air. The coachman took off his hat, and the Frau Consul greeted him with the patriarchal kindness which sometimes put Thomas a little on edge: &#8220;Good morning, my friend!&#8212;Well, get in now, my dears. It is just time for early service, but to-day we will praise God with full hearts in his own free out-of-doors; shall we not, Herr Permaneder?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's right, Frau Consul.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They climbed one after another up the steps through the narrow back door of the wagon and made themselves comfortable on the cushioned seats, which&#8212;doubtless in honour of Herr Permaneder&#8212;were striped blue and white, the Bavarian colours. The door slammed, Herr Longuet clucked to the horses and shouted &#8220;Gee&#8221; and &#8220;Haw,&#8221; the strong brown beasts tugged at the harness, and the wagon rolled down Meng Street along the Trave and out the Holsten gate and then to the right along the Swartau Road.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fields, meadows, tree-clumps, farmyards. They stared up into the high, thin blue mist above them for the larks they heard singing there. Thomas, smoking his cigarette, looked about keenly, and when they came to the grain he called Herr Permaneder's attention to its condition. The hop dealer was in a mood of childlike anticipation. He had perched his green hat with the goat's beard on the side of his head, and was balancing his big stick with the horn handle on the palm of his broad white hand and even on his underlip&#8212;a feat which, though he never quite succeeded in accomplishing it, was always greeted with applause from little Erica. He repeated over and over remarks like: &#8220;'Twon't be the Zugspitz, but we'll climb a bit and have a little lark&#8212;kind of a little old spree, hey, Frau Gr&#252;nli'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then he began to relate with much liveliness stories of mountain-climbing with knapsack and alpenstock, the Frau Consul rewarding him with many an admiring &#8220;You don't say!&#8221; He came by some train of thought or other to Christian, and expressed the most lively regret for his absence&#8212;he had heard what a jolly chap he was.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He varies,&#8221; the Consul said drily. &#8220;On a party like this he is inimitable, it is true.&#8212;We shall have crabs to eat, Herr Permaneder,&#8221; he said in a livelier tone; &#8220;crabs and Baltic shrimps! You have had them a few times already at my Mother's, but friend Dieckmann, the owner of the &#8216;Giant Bush,' serves especially fine ones. And ginger-nuts, the famous ginger-nuts of these parts. Has their fame reached even as far as the Isar? Well, you shall try them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Two or three times Frau Gr&#252;nlich stopped the wagon to pick poppies and corn-flowers by the roadside, and each time Herr Permaneder testified to his desire to get out and help her, if it were not for his slight nervousness at climbing in and out of the wagon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Erica rejoiced at every crow she saw; and Ida Jungmann, wearing her mackintosh and carrying her umbrella, as she always did even in the most settled weather, rejoiced with her like a good governess who shares not only outwardly but inwardly in the childish emotions of her charge. She entered heartily into Erica's pleasure, with her rather loud laugh that sounded like a horse neighing. Gerda, who had not seen her growing grey in the family service, looked at her repeatedly with cold surprise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were in Oldenberg. The beech groves came in sight. They drove through the village, across the market square with its well, and out again into the country, over the bridge that spanned the little river Au, and finally drew up in front of the one-storey inn, &#8220;The Giant Bush.&#8221; It stood at the side of a flat open space laid out with lawns and sandy paths and country flower-beds; beyond it, the forest rose gradually like an amphitheatre. Each stage was reached by rude steps formed from the natural rocks and tree roots; and on each one white-painted tables, benches, and chairs stood placed among the trees.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Buddenbrooks were by no means the first guests. A couple of plump maids and a waiter in a greasy dress-coat were hurrying about the square carrying cold meat, lemonades, milk, and beer up to the tables, even the more remote ones, which were already occupied by several families with children.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Dieckmann, the landlord, appeared personally, in shirt-sleeves and a little yellow-embroidered cap, to help the guests dismount, and Longuet drove off to unhitch. The Frau Consul said: &#8220;My good man, we will take our walk first, and after an hour or so we should like luncheon served up above&#8212;but not too high up; say perhaps at the second landing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You must show what you are made of, Herr Dieckmann,&#8221; added the Consul. &#8220;We have a guest who is used to good living.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no such thing,&#8221; Herr Permaneder protested. &#8220;A beer and cheese&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Herr Dieckmann could not understand him, and began with great fluency: &#8220;Everything we have, Herr Consul: crabs, shrimps, all sorts of sausages, all sorts of cheese, smoked eel, smoked salmon, smoked sturgeon&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fine, Dieckmann; give us what you have. And then&#8212;six glasses of milk and a glass of beer&#8212;if I am not mistaken, Herr Permaneder?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One beer, six milks&#8212;sweet milk, buttermilk, sour milk, clotted milk, Herr Consul?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Half and half, Herr Dieckmann: sweet milk and buttermilk. In an hour, then.&#8221; They went across the square.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;First, Herr Permaneder, it is our duty to visit the spring,&#8221; said Thomas. &#8220;The spring, that is to say, is the source of the Au; and the Au is the tiny little river on which Swartau lies, and on which, in the grey Middle Ages, our own town was situated&#8212;until it burned down. There was probably nothing very permanent about it at that time, and it was rebuilt again, on the Trave. But there are painful recollections connected with the Au. When we were schoolboys we used to pinch each other's arms and say: &#8216;What is the name of the river at Swartau?' Of course, it hurt, and the involuntary answer was the right one.&#8212;Look!&#8221; he interrupted himself suddenly, ten steps from the ascent, &#8220;they've got ahead of us.&#8221; It was the M&#246;llendorpfs and the Hagenstr&#246;ms.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There, on the third landing of the wooded terrace, sat the principal members of those affiliated families, at two tables shoved close together, eating and talking with the greatest gusto. Old Senator M&#246;llendorpf presided, a pallid gentleman with thin, pointed white mutton-chops; he suffered from diabetes. His wife, born Langhals, wielded her lorgnon; and, as usual, her hair stood up untidily all over her head. Her son Augustus was a blond young man with a prosperous exterior, and there was Julie his wife, born Hagenstr&#246;m, little and lively, with great blank black eyes and diamond earrings that were nearly as large. She sat between her brothers, Hermann and Moritz. Consul Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m had begun to get very stout with good living: people said he began the day with &lt;i&gt;pat&#233; de foie gras&lt;/i&gt;. He wore a full, short reddish-blond beard, and he had his mother's nose, which came down quite flat on the upper lip. Dr. Morris was narrow-chested and yellow-skinned, and he talked very gaily, showing pointed teeth with gaps between them. Both brothers had their ladies with them&#8212;for the lawyer had married, some years since, a Fr&#228;ulein Puttfarken from Hamburg, a lady with butter-coloured hair and wonderful cold, regular, English features of more than common beauty; Dr. Hagenstr&#246;m had not been able to reconcile with his reputation as connoisseur the idea of taking a plain wife. And, finally, there were the little daughter of Hermann and the little son of Moritz, two white-frocked children, already as good as betrothed to each other, for the Huneus-Hagenstr&#246;m money must be kept together, of course. They all sat there eating ham and scrambled eggs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Greetings were exchanged when the Buddenbrook party passed at a little distance the company seated at the table. The Frau Consul bowed confusedly; Thomas lifted his hat, his lips moving in a courteous and conventional greeting, and Gerda inclined her head with formal politeness. But Herr Permaneder, stimulated by the climb, swung his green hat unaffectedly and shouted in a loud, hearty voice: &#8220;Hearty good morning to all of you!&#8221; whereat Frau Senator M&#246;llendorpf made use of her lorgnon. Tony, for her part, flung back her head and tucked in her chin as much as possible, while her shoulders went up ever so slightly, and she greeted the party as if from some remote height&#8212;which meant that she stared straight ahead directly over the broad brim of Julie M&#246;llendorpf's elegant hat. Precisely at this moment, her decision of the night before became fixed, unalterable resolve.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thanks be to goodness, Tom, we are not going to eat for another hour. I'd hate to have that Julie watching us. Did you see how she spoke? Hardly at all. I only had a glimpse of her hat, but it looked frightfully bad taste.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, as far as that goes, I don't know about the hat&#8212;but you were certainly not much more cordial than she was, my love. And don't get irritated&#8212;it makes for wrinkles.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Irritated, Tom? Not at all. If these people think they are the first and foremost, why, one can only laugh at them, that's all. What difference is there between this Julie and me, if it comes to that? She only drew a fool, instead of a knave, for a husband; and if she were in my position now, we should see if she would find another one.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How can you tell that you will find another one?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A fool, Thomas?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very much better than a knave.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It doesn't have to be either. But it is not a fit subject for discussion.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quite right. The others are ahead of us&#8212;Herr Permaneder is climbing lustily.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The shady forest road grew level, and it was not long before they reached the &#8220;spring,&#8221; a pretty, romantic spot with a wooden bridge over a little ravine, steep cliffs, and overhanging trees with their roots in the air. The Frau Consul had brought a silver collapsible cup, and they scooped up the water from the little stone basin directly under the source and refreshed themselves with the iron-impregnated spring. And here Herr Permaneder had a slight attack of gallantry, and insisted on Frau Gr&#252;nlich tasting his cup before presenting it to him. He ran over with friendliness and displayed great tact in chatting with the Frau Consul and Thomas, as well as with Gerda and Tony, and even with little Erica. Gerda, who had up to now been suffering from the heat and a kind of silent and rigid nervousness, began to feel like herself again. They came back to the inn by a shorter way, and sat down at a groaning table on the second of the wooded terraces; and it was Gerda who gave expression in friendly terms to the general regret over Herr Permaneder's early departure, now that they were just becoming a little acquainted and finding less and less difficulty with the language. She was ready to swear that she had heard her friend and sister-in-law, Tony, use several times the most unadulterated Munich dialect!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Permaneder forebore to commit himself on the subject of his departure. Instead, he devoted himself for the time to the dainties that weighted down the table&#8212;dainties such as he seldom saw the other side of the Danube.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They sat and consumed the good things at their leisure&#8212;what little Erica liked far better than anything else were the serviettes made of tissue paper, much nicer than the big linen ones at home. With the waiter's permission she put a few in her pocket as a souvenir. When they had finished, they still sat; Herr Permaneder smoked several very black cigars with his beer, Thomas smoked cigarettes, and the whole family chatted a long time with their guest. It was noticeable that Herr Permaneder's leaving was not mentioned again; in fact, the future was left shrouded in darkness. Rather, they turned to memories of the past or talked of the political events of recent years. Herr Permaneder shook with laughter over some dozens of stories of the late Herr Consul, which his widow related, and then in his turn told about the Munich Revolution, and about Lola Montez, in whom Frau Gr&#252;nlich displayed an unbounded interest. The hour after luncheon slowly wore on, and little Erica came back laden with daisies, grasses, and ladies' smocks from an expedition with Ida Jungmann, and recalled the fact that the ginger-nuts were still to be bought. They started on their walk down to the village, not before the Frau Consul, who was the hostess of the occasion, had paid the bill with a good-sized gold-piece.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They gave orders at the inn that the wagon should be ready in half an hour, so that there would be time for a rest in town before dinner, and then they rambled slowly down, in the dusty sunshine, to the handful of cottages that formed the village.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After they crossed the bridge they fell naturally into little groups, in which they continued after that to walk: Mamsell Jungmann with her long stride in the van, with little Erica jumping tirelessly alongside, hunting for butterflies; then the Frau Consul, Thomas, and Gerda together; and lastly, at some distance, Frau Gr&#252;nlich and Herr Permaneder. The first pair made considerable noise, for the child shouted for joy, and Ida joined in with her neighing, good-natured laugh. In the middle, all three were silent; for the dust had driven Gerda into another fit of depression, and the old Frau Consul, and her son as well, were plunged in thought. The couple behind were quiet too, but their quietness was only apparent, for in reality Tony and her Bavarian guest were conversing in subdued and intimate tones. And what was the subject of their discourse? It was Herr Gr&#252;nlich....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Permaneder had made the pointed remark that little Erica was a dear and pretty child, but that she had not the slightest resemblance to her mother. To which Tony had answered: &#8220;She is altogether like her father in looks, and one may say that it is not at all to her disadvantage, for as far as looks go, Gr&#252;nlich was a gentleman. He had golden-yellow whiskers&#8212;very uncommon; I never saw anything like them.&#8221; When Tony visited the Niederpaurs in Munich, she had already told Herr Permaneder in considerable detail the story of her first marriage; but now he asked again all the particulars of it, listening with anxiously sympathetic blinks to the details of the bankruptcy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He was a bad man, Herr Permaneder, or Father would never have taken me away from him&#8212;of that you may be sure. Life has taught me that not everybody in the world has a good heart. I have learned that, young as I am for a person who, as you might say, has been a widow for ten years. He was a bad man, and his banker, Kesselmeyer, was a worse one&#8212;and a silly puppy into the bargain. I won't say that I consider myself an angel and perfectly free from all blame&#8212;don't misunderstand me. Gr&#252;nlich neglected me, and even when he was with me he just sat and read the paper; and he deceived me, and kept me in Eimsb&#252;ttel, because he was afraid if I went to town I would find out the mess he was in. But I am a weak woman, and I have my faults too, and I've no doubt I did not always go the right way to work. I know I gave him cause to worry and complain over my extravagance and silliness and my new dressing-gowns. But it is only fair to say one thing: I was just a child when I was married, a perfect goose, a silly little thing. Just imagine: only a short time before I was engaged, I didn't even so much as know that the Confederation decrees concerning the universities and the press had been renewed four years before! And fine decrees they were, too! Ah, me, Herr Permaneder! The sad thing is that one lives but once&#8212;one can't begin life over again. And one would know so much better the second time!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was silent; she looked down at the road&#8212;but she was very intent on the reply Herr Permaneder would make, for she had not unskilfully left him an opening, it being only a step to the idea that, even though it was impossible to begin life anew, yet a new and better married life was not out of the question. Herr Permaneder let the chance slip and confined himself to laying the blame on Herr Gr&#252;nlich, with such violence that his very chin-whiskers bristled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Silly ass! If I had the fool here I'd give it to him! What a swine!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fie, Herr Permaneder! No, you really mustn't. We must forgive and forget&#8212;&#8216;Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.' Ask Mother. Heaven forbid&#8212;I don't know where Gr&#252;nlich is, nor what state his affairs are in, but I wish him the best of fortune, even though he doesn't deserve it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They had reached the village and stood before the little house which was at the same time the bakery. They had stopped walking, almost without knowing it, and were hardly aware that Ida, Erica, the Frau Consul, Thomas, and Gerda had disappeared through the funny, tiny little door, so low that they had to stoop to enter. They were absorbed in their conversation, though it had not got beyond these trifling preliminaries.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They stood by a hedge with a long narrow flower-bed beneath it, in which some mignonette was growing. Frau Gr&#252;nlich, rather hot, bent her head and poked industriously with her parasol in the black loam. Herr Permaneder stood close to her, now and then assisting her excavations with his walking-stick. His little green hat with the tuft of goat's beard had slid back on his forehead. He was stooping over the bed too, but his small, bulging pale-blue eyes, quite blank and even a little reddish, gazed up at her with a mixture of devotion, distress, and expectancy. It was odd to see how his very moustache, drooping down over his mouth, took the same expression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Likely, now,&#8221; he ventured, &#8220;likely, now, ye've taken a silly fright, and are too damned scared of marriage ever to try it again&#8212;hey, Frau Gr&#252;nlich?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How clumsy!&#8221; thought she. &#8220;Must I say yes to that?&#8221; Aloud she answered: &#8220;Well, dear Herr Permaneder, I must confess that it would be hard for me to yield anybody my consent for life; for life has taught me, you see, what a serious step that is. One needs to be sure that the man in question is a thoroughly noble, good, kind soul&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And now he actually ventured the question whether she could consider him such a man&#8212;to which she answered: &#8220;Yes, Herr Permaneder, I do.&#8221; Upon which there followed the few short murmured words which clinched the betrothal and gave Herr Permaneder the assurance that he might speak to Thomas and the Frau Consul when they reached home.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the other members of the party came forth, laden with bags of ginger-nuts, Thomas let his eye rove discreetly over the heads of the two standing outside, for they were embarrassed to the last degree. Herr Permaneder simply made no effort to conceal the fact, but Tony was hiding her embarrassment under a well-nigh majestic dignity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They hurried back to the wagon, for the sky had clouded over and some drops began to fall.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Tony was right: her brother had, soon after Herr Permaneder appeared, made proper inquiries as to his situation in life. He learned that X. Noppe and Company did a thoroughly sound if somewhat restricted business, operating with the joint-stock brewery managed by Herr Niederpaur as director. It showed a nice little income, Herr Permaneder's share of which, with the help of Tony's seventeen thousand, would suffice for a comfortable if modest life. The Frau Consul heard the news, and there was a long and particular conversation among her, Herr Permaneder, Antonie, and Thomas, in the landscape-room that very evening, and everything was arranged. It was decided that little Erica should go to Munich too, this being her Mother's wish, to which her betrothed warmly agreed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Two days later the hop dealer left for home&#8212;&#8220;Noppe will be raising the deuce if I don't,&#8221; he said. But in July Frau Gr&#252;nlich was again in his native town, accompanied by Tom and Gerda. They were to spend four or five weeks at Bad Kreuth, while the Frau Consul with Erica and Ida were on the Baltic coast. While in Munich, the four had time to see the house in Kaufinger Street which Herr Permaneder was about to buy. It was in the neighbourhood of the Niederpaurs'&#8212;a perfectly remarkable old house, a large part of which Herr Permaneder thought to let. It had a steep, ladderlike pair of stairs which ran without a turning from the front door straight up to the first floor, where a corridor led on each side back to the front rooms.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony went home the middle of August to devote herself to her trousseau. She had considerable left from her earlier equipment, but new purchases were necessary to complete it. One day several things arrived from Hamburg, among them a morning-gown&#8212;this time not trimmed with velvet but with bands of cloth instead.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Permaneder returned to Meng Street well on in the autumn. They thought best to delay no longer. As for the wedding festivities, they went off just as Tony expected and desired, no great fuss being made over them. &#8220;Let us leave out the formalities,&#8221; said the Consul. &#8220;You are married again, and it is simply as if you always had been.&#8221; Only a few announcements were sent&#8212;Madame Gr&#252;nlich saw to it that Julie M&#246;llendorpf, born Hagenstr&#246;m, received one&#8212;and there was no wedding journey. Herr Permaneder objected to making &#8220;such a fuss,&#8221; and Tony, just back from the summer trip, found even the journey to Munich too long. The wedding took place, not in the hall this time, but in the church of St. Mary's, in the presence of the family only. Tony wore the orange-blossom, which replaced the myrtle, with great dignity, and Doctor K&#246;lling preached on moderation, with as strong language as ever, but in a weaker voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian came from Hamburg, very elegantly dressed, looking a little ailing but very lively. He said his business with Burmeester was &#8220;top-top&#8221;; thought that he and Tilda would probably get married &#8220;up there&#8221;&#8212;that is to say, &#8220;each one for himself, of course&#8221;; and came very late to the wedding from the visit he paid at the club. Uncle Justus was much moved by the occasion, and with his usual lavishness presented the newly-wedded pair with a beautiful heavy silver epergne. He and his wife practically starved themselves at home, for the weak woman was still paying the disinherited and outcast Jacob's debts with the housekeeping money. Jacob was rumoured to be in Paris at present. The Buddenbrook ladies from Broad Street made the remark: &#8220;Well, let's hope it will last, this time.&#8221; The unpleasant part of this lay in the doubt whether they really hoped it. Sesemi Weichbrodt stood on her tip-toes, kissed her pupil, now Frau Permaneder, explosively on the forehead, and said with her most pronounced vowels: &#8220;Be happy, you go-od che-ild!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In the morning at eight o'clock Consul Buddenbrook, so soon as he had left his bed, stolen through the little door and down the winding stair into the bathroom, taken a bath, and put on his night-shirt again&#8212;Consul Buddenbrook, we say, began to busy himself with public affairs. For then Herr Wenzel, barber and member of the Assembly, appeared, with his intelligent face and his red hands, his razors and other tools, and the basin of warm water which he had fetched from the kitchen; and the Consul sat in a reclining-chair and leaned his head back, and Herr Wenzel began to make a lather; and there ensued almost always a conversation that began with the weather and how you had slept the night before, went on to politics and the great world, thence to domestic affairs in the city itself, and closed in an intimate and familiar key on business and family matters. All this prolonged very much the process in hand, for every time the Consul said anything Herr Wenzel had to stop shaving.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hope you slept well, Herr Consul?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, thanks, Wenzel. Is it fine to-day?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Frost and a bit of snow, Herr Consul. In front of St. James's the boys have made another slide, more than ten yards long&#8212;I nearly sat down, when I came from the Burgomaster's. The young wretches!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Seen the papers?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The &lt;i&gt;Advertiser&lt;/i&gt; and the &lt;i&gt;Hamburg News&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;yes. Nothing in them but the Orsini bombs. Horrible. It happened on the way to the opera. Oh, they must be a fine lot over there.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, it doesn't signify much, I should think. It has nothing to do with the people, and the only effect will be that the police will be doubled and there will be twice as much interference with the press. He is on his guard. Yes, it must be a perpetual strain, for he has to introduce new projects all the time, to keep himself in power. But I respect him, all the same. At all events, he can't be a fool, with his traditions, and I was very much impressed with the cheap bread affair. There is no doubt he does a great deal for the people.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Herr Kistenmaker says so too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stephan? We were talking about it yesterday.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It looks bad for Frederick William of Prussia. Things won't last much longer as they are. They say already that the prince will be made Regent in time.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It will be interesting to see what happens then. He has already shown that he has liberal ideas and does not feel his brother's secret disgust for the Constitution. It is just the chagrin that upsets him, poor man. What is the news from Copenhagen?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing new, Herr Consul. They simply won't. The Confederation has declared that a united government for Holstein and Lauenburg is illegal&#8212;they won't have it at any price.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it is unheard-of, Wenzel. They dare the Bundestag to put it into operation&#8212;and if it were a little more lively&#8212;oh, these Danes!&#8212;Careful with that chapped place, Wenzel.&#8212;There's our direct-line Hamburg railway, too. That has cost some diplomatic battles, and will cost more before they get the concession from Copenhagen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Herr Consul. The stupid thing is that the Altona-Kiel Railway Company is against it&#8212;and, in fact, all Holstein is. Dr. &#214;verdieck, the Burgomaster, was saying so just now. They are dreadfully afraid of Kiel prospering much.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course, Wenzel. A new connection between the North Sea and the Baltic.&#8212;You'll see, the Kiel-Altona line will keep on intriguing. They are in a position to build a rival railway: East Holstein, Neuminster, Neustadt&#8212;yes, that is quite on the cards. But we must not let ourselves be bullied, and we must have a direct route to Hamburg.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Herr Consul must take the matter up himself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly, so far as my powers go, and wherever I have any influence. I am interested in the development of our railways&#8212;it is a tradition with us from 1851 on. My Father was a director of the Buchen line, which is probably the reason why I was elected so young. I am only thirty-three years old, and my services so far have been very inconsiderable.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Herr Consul! How can the Herr Consul say that after his speech in the Assembly&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that made an impression, and I've certainly shown my good will, at least. I can only be grateful that my Father, Grandfather, and great-Grandfather prepared the way for me, and that I inherited so much of the respect and confidence they received from the town; for without it I could not move as I am now able to. For instance, after '48 and the beginning of this decade, what did my Father not do towards the reform of our postal service? Think how he urged in the Assembly the union of the Hamburg diligences with the postal service; and how in 1850 he forced the Senate by continuous pressure to join the German-Austrian Postal Union! If we have cheap letter postage now, and stamps and book post, and letter-boxes, and telegraphic connection with Hamburg and Travem&#252;nde, he is not the last one to be grateful to. Why, if he and a few other people had not kept at the Senate continually, we should most likely still be behind the Danish and the Thurn-and-Taxis postal service! So when I have an opinion nowadays on these subjects, people listen to me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The Herr Consul is speaking God's truth. About the Hamburg line, Doctor &#214;verdieck was saying to me only three days ago: &#8216;When we get where we can buy a suitable site for the station in Hamburg, we will send Consul Buddenbrook to help transact the business, for in such dealings he is better than most lawyers.' Those were his very words.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, that is very flattering to me, Wenzel.&#8212;Just put a little more lather on my chin, will you? It wants a bit more cleaning up.&#8212;Yes, the truth is, we mustn't let the grass grow under our feet. I am saying nothing against &#214;verdieck, but he is getting on. If I were Burgomaster I'd make things move a little faster. I can't tell you how pleased I am that they are installing gas for the street-lighting, and the miserable old oil lamps are disappearing&#8212;I admit I had a little something to do with that change. Oh, how much there is to do! Times are changing, Wenzel, and we have many responsibilities toward the new age. When I think back to my boyhood&#8212;you know better than I do what the town looked like then: the streets without sidewalks, grass growing a foot high between the paving-stones, and the houses with porticos and benches sticking out into the streets&#8212;and our buildings from the time of the Middle Ages spoilt with clumsy additions, and all tumbling down because, while individuals had money and nobody went hungry, the town had none at all and just muddled along, as my brother-in-law calls it, without ever thinking of repairs. That was a happy and comfortable generation, when my grandfather's crony, the good Jean Jacques Hofstede, strolled about the town and translated improper little French poems. They had to end, those good old times; they have changed, and they will have to change still more. Then the population was thirty-seven thousand: now it is fifty, you know, and the whole character of the place is altering. There is so much building, and the suburbs are spreading out, and we are able to have good streets and restore the old monuments out of our great period. Yet even all that is merely superficial. The most important matter is still outstanding, my dear Wenzel. I mean, of course, the &lt;i&gt;ceterum censeo&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb16&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;ceterum censeo &#8211; I think, nevertheless&#034; id=&#034;nh16&#034;&gt;16&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; of my dear Father: the customs union. We must join, Wenzel; there should be no longer any question about it, and you must all help me fight for it. As a business man, believe me, I am better informed than the diplomats, and the fear that we should lose independence and freedom of action is simply laughable in this case. The Mecklenburg and Schleswig-Holstein Inland would take us in, which is the more desirable for the reason that we do not control the northern trade quite to the extent that we once did.&#8212;That's enough. Please give me the towel, Wenzel,&#8221; concluded the Consul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then the market price of rye, which stood at fifty-five thaler and showed disquieting signs of falling still further, was talked about, and perhaps there was a mention of some event or other in the town; and then Herr Wenzel vanished by the basement route and emptied the lather out of his shiny basin on to the pavement in the street. And the Consul mounted the winding stair into the bedroom, and found Gerda awake, and kissed her on the forehead. Then he dressed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
These little morning sessions with the lively barber formed the introduction to busy days, full to running over with thinking, talking, writing, reckoning, doing business, going about in the town. Thanks to his travel, his interests, and his knowledge of affairs, Thomas Buddenbrook's mind was the least provincial in the district; and he was certainly the first to realize the limitations of his lot. The lively interest in public affairs which the years of the Revolution had brought in, was suffering throughout the whole country from a period of prostration and arrest, and that field was too sterile to occupy a vigorous talent; but Thomas Buddenbrook possessed the spirit to take to himself that wise old saying that all human achievement is of a merely symbolic value, and thus to devote all that he had of capacity, enthusiasm, energy, and strength of will to the service of the community as well as to the service of his own name and firm. He stood in the front rank of his small society and was seriously ambitious to give his city greatness and power within her sphere&#8212;though he had the intellect too, to smile at himself for the ambition even while he cherished it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He ate his breakfast, served by Anton, and went to the office in Meng Street, where he remained about an hour, writing two or three pressing letters and telegrams, giving this or that instruction, imparting to the wheels of industry a small push, and then leaving them to revolve under the cautious eye of Herr Marcus.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He went to assemblies and committee meetings, visited the Bourse, which was held under the Gothic arcades in the Market square, inspected dockyards and warehouses, talked with the captains of the ships he owned, and transacted much and various business all day long until evening, interrupted only by the hasty luncheon with his Mother and dinner with Gerda; after which he took a half-hour's rest on the sofa with his cigarette and the newspaper. Customs, rates, construction, railways, posts, almonry&#8212;all this as well as his own business occupied him; and even in matters commonly left to professionals he acquired insight and judgment, especially in finance, where he early showed himself extremely gifted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was careful not to neglect the social side. True, he was not always punctual, and usually appeared at the very last minute, when the carriage waited below and his wife sat in full toilette. &#8220;I'm sorry, Gerda,&#8221; he would say; &#8220;I was detained&#8221;; and he would dash upstairs to don his evening clothes. But when he arrived at a dinner, a ball, or an evening company, he showed lively interest and ranked as a charming &lt;i&gt;causeur&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb17&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;causeur &#8211; conversationalist&#034; id=&#034;nh17&#034;&gt;17&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. And in entertaining he and his wife were not behind the other rich houses. In kitchen and cellar everything was &#8220;tip-top,&#8221; and he himself was considered a most courteous and tactful host, whose toasts were wittier than the common run. His quiet evenings he spent at home with Gerda alone, smoking, listening to her music, or reading with her some book of her selection.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus his labours enforced success, his consequence grew in the town, and the firm had excellent years, despite the sums drawn out to settle Christian and to pay Tony's second dowry. And yet there were troubles which had, at times, the power to lame his courage for hours, weaken his elasticity, and depress his mood.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was Christian in Hamburg. His partner, Herr Burmeester, had died quite suddenly of an apoplectic stroke, in the spring of the year 1858. His heirs drew their money out of the business, and the Consul strongly advised Christian against trying to continue it with his own means, for he knew how difficult it is to carry on a business already established on definite lines if the working capital be suddenly diminished. But Christian insisted upon the continuation of his independence. He took over the assets and the liabilities of H. C. F. Burmeester and Company, and trouble was to be looked for.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then there was the Consul's sister Clara in Riga. Her marriage with Pastor Tiburtius had remained unblest with children&#8212;but then, as Clara Buddenbrook she had never wanted children, and probably had very little talent for motherhood. Now her husband wrote that her health left much to be desired. The severe headaches from which she had suffered even as a girl were now recurring periodically, to an almost unbearable extent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That was disquieting. And even here at home there was another source of worry&#8212;for, as yet, there was no certainty whatever that the family name would live. Gerda treated the subject with sovereign indifference which came very near to being repugnance. Thomas concealed his anxiety. But the old Frau Consul took the matter in hand and consulted Grabow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Doctor&#8212;just between ourselves&#8212;something is bound to happen &lt;i&gt;sometime&lt;/i&gt;, isn't it? A little mountain air at Kreuth, a little seashore at Glucksberg or Travem&#252;nde&#8212;but they don't seem to work. What do you advise?&#8221; Dr. Grabow's pleasant old prescription: &#8220;a nourishing diet, a little pigeon, a slice of French bread,&#8221; didn't seem strong enough, either, to fit the case. He ordered Pyrmont and Schlangenbad.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Those were three worries. And Tony? Poor Tony!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;She wrote: &#8220;... And when I say &#8216;croquettes,' she doesn't understand me, because here they are called &#8216;meaties'; and when she says &#8216;broccoli,' how could any Christian know she means cauliflower? When I say &#8216;baked potatoes,' she screams &#8216;How?' at me, until I remember to say &#8216;roast potatoes,' which is what they call them here. &#8216;How' means &#8216;What did you say?' And she is the second one I've had&#8212;I sent away the first one, named Katy, because she was so impertinent&#8212;or at least, I thought she was. I'm getting to see now that I may have been mistaken, for I'm never quite sure whether people here mean to be rude or friendly. This one's name is Babette. She has a very pleasing exterior, with something southern, the way of some of them have here; black hair and eyes, and teeth that any one might envy. She is willing, too, and I am teaching her how to make some of our home dishes. Yesterday we had sorrel and currants, but I wish I hadn't, for Permaneder objected so much to the sorrel&#8212;he picked the currants out with a fork&#8212;that he would not speak to me the whole afternoon, but just growled; and I can tell you, Mother, that life is not so easy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alas, it was not only the sorrel and the &#8220;meaties&#8221; that were embittering Tony's life. Before the honeymoon was over she had had a blow so unforeseen, so unexpected, so incomprehensible, that it took away all her joy in life. She could not get over it. And here it was.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Not until after the Permaneder couple had been some weeks in Munich had Consul Buddenbrook liquidated the sum fixed by his Father's will as his sister's second marriage portion. That sum, translated into gulden, had at last safely reached Herr Permaneder's hands, and Herr Permaneder had invested it securely and not unprofitably. But then, what he had said, quite unblushingly and without embarrassment, to his wife, was this: &#8220;Tonerl&#8221;&#8212;he called her &#8220;Tonerl&#8221;&#8212;&#8220;Tonerl, that's good enough for me. What do we want of more? I been working my hide off all my days; now I'd like to sit down and have a little peace and quiet, damned if I wouldn't. Let's rent the parterre and the second floor, and still we'll have a good house, where we can sit and eat our bit of pig's meat without screwing ourselves up and putting on so much lug. And in the evening I can go to the Hofbr&#228;u house. I'm no swell&#8212;I don't care about scraping money together. I want my comfort. I quit to-morrow and go into private life.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Permaneder!&#8221; she had cried; and for the first time she had spoken his name with that peculiar throaty sound which her voice always had when she uttered the name of Gr&#252;nlich.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, shut up! Don't take on!&#8221; was all he answered. There had followed, thus early in their life together, a quarrel, serious and violent enough to endanger the happiness of any marriage. He came off victorious. Her passionate resistance was shattered upon his urgent longing for &#8220;peace and quiet.&#8221; It ended in Herr Permaneder's withdrawing the capital he had in the hop business, so that now Herr Noppe, in his turn, could strike the &#8220;and Company&#8221; off his card. After which Tony's husband, like most of the friends whom he met around the table in the Hofbr&#228;u House, to play cards and drink his regular three litres of beer, limited his activities to the raising of rents in his capacity of landlord, and to an undisturbed cutting of coupons.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul was notified quite simply of this fact. But Frau Permaneder's distress was evident in the letters which she wrote to her brother. Poor Tony! Her worst fears were more than realized. She had always known that Herr Permaneder possessed none of that &#8220;resourcefulness&#8221; of which her first husband had had so much; but that he would so entirely confound the expectations she had expressed to Mamsell Jungmann on the eve of her betrothal&#8212;that he would so completely fail to recognize the duties he had taken upon himself when he married a Buddenbrook&#8212;that she had never dreamed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But these feelings must be overcome; and her family at home saw from her letters how she resigned herself. She lived on rather monotonously with her husband and Erica, who went to school; she attended to her housekeeping, kept up friendly relations with the people who rented the parterre and the first storey and with the Niederpaur family in Marienplatz; and she wrote now and then of going to the theatre with her friend Eva. Herr Permaneder did not care for the theatre. And it came out that he had grown to more than forty years of age in his beloved Munich without ever having seen the inside of the Pinakothek.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Time passed. But Tony could feel no longer any true happiness in her new life, since the day when Herr Permaneder received her dowry and settled himself down to enjoy his ease. Hope was no more. She would never be able to write home to announce new ventures and new successes. Just as life was now&#8212;free from cares, it was true, but so limited, so lamentably &#8220;unrefined,&#8221;&#8212;just so it would remain until the end. It weighed upon her. It was plain from her letters that this very lowness of tone was making it harder for her to adapt herself to the south-German surroundings. In small matters, of course, things grew easier. She learned to make herself understood by the servants and errand-boys, to say &#8220;meaties&#8221; instead of &#8220;croquettes,&#8221; and to set no more fruit soup before her husband after the one he had called a &#8220;sickening mess.&#8221; But, in general, she remained a stranger in her new home; and she never ceased to taste the bitterness of the knowledge that to be a born Buddenbrook was not to enjoy any particular prestige in her adopted home. She once related in a letter the story of how she met in the street a mason's apprentice, carrying a mug of beer in one hand and holding a large white radish by its tail in the other; who, waving his beer, said jovially: &#8220;Neighbour, can ye tell us the time?&#8221; She made a joke of it, in the telling; yet even so, a strong undercurrent of irritation betrayed itself. You might be quite certain that she threw back her head and vouchsafed to the poor man neither answer nor glance in his direction. But it was not alone this lack of formality and absence of distinctions that made her feel strange and unsympathetic. She did not live deeply, it is true, into the life or affairs of her new home; but she breathed the Munich air, the air of a great city, full of artists and citizens who habitually did nothing: an air with something about it a little demoralizing, which she sometimes found it hard to take good-humouredly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The days passed. And then it seemed that there was after all a joy in store&#8212;in fact, the very one which was longed for in vain in Broad Street and Meng Street. For not long after the New Year of 1859 Tony felt certain that she was again to become a mother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The joy of it trembled in her letters, which were full of the old childish gaiety and sense of importance. The Frau Consul, who, with the exception of the summer holiday, confined her journeyings more and more to the Baltic coast, lamented that she could not be with her daughter at this time. Tom and Gerda made plans to go to the christening, and Tony's head was full of giving them an elegant reception. Alas, poor Tony! The visit which took place was sad indeed, and the christening&#8212;Tony had cherished visions of a ravishing little feast, with flowers, sweetmeats, and chocolate&#8212;never took place at all. The child, a little girl, only entered into life for a tiny quarter of an hour; then, though the doctor did his best to set the pathetic little mechanism going, it faded out of being.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Consul Buddenbrook and his wife arrived in Munich to find Tony herself not out of danger. She was far more ill than before, and a nervous weakness from which she had already suffered prevented her from taking any nourishment at all for several days. Then she began to eat, and on their departure, the Buddenbrooks felt reassured as far as her health was concerned. But in other ways there was much reason for anxiety; for it had been all too plain, especially to the Consul's observant eye, that not even their common loss would suffice to bring husband and wife together again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was nothing against Herr Permaneder's good heart. He was truly shaken by the death of the child; big tears rolled down out of his bulging eyes upon his puffy cheeks and on into his frizzled beard. Many times he sighed deeply and gave vent to his favourite expression. But, after all, Tony felt that his &#8220;peace and quiet&#8221; had not suffered any long interruption. After a few evenings, he sought the Hofbr&#228;u House for consolation, and was soon, as he always said, &#8220;muddling along&#8221; again in his old, good-natured, comfortable, grumbling way, with the easy fatalism natural to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But from now on Tony's letters never lost their hopeless, even complaining tone. &#8220;Oh, Mother,&#8221; she wrote, &#8220;why do I have to bear everything like this? First Gr&#252;nlich and the bankruptcy, and then Permaneder going out of business&#8212;and then the baby! How have I deserved all these misfortunes?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the Consul read these outpourings, he could never quite forego a little smile: for, nothwithstanding all the real pain they showed, he heard an undertone of almost comic pride, and he knew that Tony Buddenbrook, as Madame Gr&#252;nlich or as Madame Permaneder, was and would remain a child. She bore all her mature experiences almost with a child's unbelief in their reality, yet with a child's seriousness, a child's self-importance, and, above all, with a child's power to throw them off at will.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She could not understand how she had deserved her misfortunes; for even while she mocked at her mother's piety, she herself was so full of it that she fervently believed in justice and righteousness on this earth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Poor Tony! The death of her second child was neither the last nor the hardest blow that fell upon her. As the year 1859 drew to a close, something frightful indeed happened.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IX&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It was a day toward the end of November&#8212;a cold autumn day with a hazy sky. It looked almost as if there would be snow, and a mist was rising, pierced through every now and then by the sun. It was one of those days, common in a seaport town, when a sharp north-east wind whistled round the massive church corners and influenzas were to be had cheap.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Consul Thomas Buddenbrook entered the breakfast-room toward midday, to find his Mother, with her spectacles on her nose, bent over a paper on the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tom,&#8221; she said; and she looked at him, holding the paper with both hands, as if she hesitated to show it to him. &#8220;Don't be startled. But it is not very good news. I don't understand&#8212; It is from Berlin. Something must have happened.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give it to me, please,&#8221; he said shortly. He lost colour, and the muscles stood out on his temples as he clenched his teeth. His gesture as he stretched out his hand was so full of decision that it was as if he said aloud: &#8220;Just tell me quickly. Don't prepare me for it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He read the lines still standing; one of his light eyebrows went up, and he drew the long ends of his moustache through his fingers. It was a telegram, and it said: &#8220;Don't be frightened. Am coming at once with Erica. All is over. Your unhappy Antonie.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;At once ... at once,'&#8221; he said, with irritation, looking at the Frau Consul and giving his head a quick shake. &#8220;What does she mean by &#8216;at once'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is just a way of putting it, Tom; it doesn't mean anything particular. She means by the next train, or something like that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And from Berlin! What is she doing in Berlin? How did she get to Berlin?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know, Tom; I don't understand it. The dispatch only came ten minutes ago. But something must have happened, and we must just wait to see what it is. God in his mercy will turn it all to good. Sit down, my son, and eat your luncheon.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He took his chair, and mechanically he poured out a glass of porter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;All is over,'&#8221; he repeated. And then &#8220;&#8216;Antonie.' How childish!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He ate and drank in silence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After a while the Frau Consul ventured to say: &#8220;It must be something about Permaneder, don't you think, Tom?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He shrugged his shoulders without looking up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As he went away he said, with his hand on the doorknob, &#8220;Well, we must wait and see. As she is not likely to burst into the house in the middle of the night, she will probably reach here sometime to-morrow. You will let me know, won't you?&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The Frau Consul waited from hour to hour. She had slept very badly, and in the night she rang for Ida Jungmann, who now slept in the back room of the entresol. She had Ida make her some &lt;i&gt;eau sucr&#233;e&lt;/i&gt;; and she sat up in bed for a long time and embroidered. And now the forenoon passed in nervous expectancy. When the Consul came to second breakfast, he said that Tony could not arrive before the three-thirty-three train from Buchen. At that hour the Frau Consul seated herself in the landscape-room and tried to read, out of a book with a black leather cover decorated with a gold palm-leaf.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a day like its predecessor: cold, mist, wind. The stove crackled away behind its wrought-iron screen. The old lady trembled and looked out of the window whenever she heard a wagon. At four o'clock, when she had stopped watching and almost stopped thinking about her daughter, there was a stir below in the house. She hastily turned toward the window and wiped away the damp with her handkerchief. Yes, a carriage had stopped below, and some one was coming up the steps.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She grasped the arms of her chair with both hands to rise. But then she thought better of it and sank back. She only turned her head as her daughter entered, and her face wore an almost defensive expression. Tony burst impetuously into the room: Erica remained outside at the glass door, with her hand in Ida Jungmann's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder wore a fur wrap and a large felt hat with a veil. She looked very pale and ailing, and her upper lip trembled as it used to when the little Tony was about to weep. Her eyes were red. She raised her arms and let them drop, and then she fell on her knees at her Mother's side, burying her face in the folds of her gown and sobbing bitterly. It was as though she had rushed straight hither from Munich all in one breath, and now lay there, having gained the goal of her headlong flight, exhausted but safe. The Frau Consul sat a moment quite still.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tony!&#8221; she said then, with gentle remonstrance. She drew the long hatpins out of Frau Permaneder's hat and laid it on the window-seat; then she stroked gently and soothingly her daughter's thick ash-blonde hair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it, my child? What has happened?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But she saw that patience was her only weapon; for it was long before her question drew out any reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mother!&#8221; uttered Frau Permaneder. &#8220;Mamma!&#8221; But that was all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul looked toward the glass door and, still embracing her daughter, stretched out her hand to her grandchild, who stood there shyly with her finger to her mouth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, child; come here and say how do you do. You have grown so big, and you look so strong and well, for which God be thanked. How old are you now, Erica?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thirteen, Grandmama.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good gracious! A young lady!&#8221; She kissed the little maiden over Tony's head and told her: &#8220;Go up with Ida now&#8212;we shall soon have dinner. Just now Mamma and I want to talk.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were alone.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, my dear Tony? Can you not stop crying? When God sends us a heavy trial, we must bear it with composure. &#8216;Take your cross upon you,' we are told. Would you like to go up first and rest a little and refresh yourself, and then come down to me again? Our good Jungmann has your room ready. Thanks for your telegram&#8212;of course, it shocked us a good deal&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She stopped. For Tony's voice came, all trembling and smothered, out of the folds of her gown: &#8220;He is a wicked man&#8212;a wicked man! Oh, he is&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder seemed not able to get away from this dreadful phrase. It possessed her altogether. She buried her face deeper and deeper in the Frau Consul's lap and clenched her fist beside the Frau Consul's chair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you mean your husband, my child?&#8221; asked the old lady, after a pause. &#8220;It ought not to be possible for me to have such a thought in my mind, I know; but you leave me nothing else to think, Tony. Has Herr Permaneder done you an injury? Are you making a complaint of him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Babette&#8221; Frau Permaneder brought out. &#8220;Babette&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Babette?&#8221; repeated the Frau Consul, inquiringly. Then she leaned back in her chair, and her pale eyes wandered toward the window. She understood now. There was a pause, broken by Tony's gradually decreasing sobs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tony,&#8221; said the Frau Consul after a little space, &#8220;I see now that there has been an injury done you&#8212;that you have cause to complain. But was it necessary to give the sense of injury such violent expression? Was it necessary to travel here from Munich, with Erica, and to make it appear&#8212;for other people will not be so sensible as we are&#8212;that you have left him permanently; that you will not go back to him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I won't go back to him&#8212;never!&#8221; cried Frau Permaneder, and she lifted up her head with a jerk and looked at her Mother wildly with tear-stained eyes, and then buried her face again. The Frau Consul affected not to have heard.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But now,&#8221; she went on, in a louder key, slowly nodding her head from one side to the other, &#8220;now that you are here, I am glad you are. For you can unburden your heart, and tell me everything, and then we shall see how we can put things right, by taking thought, and by mutual forbearance and affection.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never,&#8221; Tony said again. &#8220;Never!&#8221; And then she told her story. It was not all intelligible, for she spoke into the folds of her Mother's stuff gown, and broke into her own narrative with explosions of passionate anger. But what had happened was somewhat as follows:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the night of the twenty-fourth of the month, Madame Permaneder had gone to sleep very late, having been disturbed during the day by the nervous digestive trouble to which she was subject. She had been awakened about midnight, out of a light slumber, by a confused and continuous noise outside on the landing&#8212;a half-suppressed, mysterious noise, in which one distinguished the creaking of the stairs, a sort of giggling cough, smothered, protesting words, and, mixed with these, the most singular snarling sounds. But there was no doubt whence they proceeded. Frau Permaneder had hardly, with her sleepy senses, taken them in before she interpreted them as well, in such a way that she felt the blood leave her cheeks and rush to her heart, which contracted and then went on beating with heavy, oppressed pulsations. For a long, dreadful minute she lay among the pillows as if stunned, as if paralysed. Then, as the shameless disturbance did not stop, she had with trembling hands kindled a light, had left her bed, thrilling with horror, repulsion, and despair, had opened the door and hurried out on to the landing in her slippers, the light in her hand&#8212;to the top of the &#8220;ladder&#8221; that went straight up from the house door to the first storey. And there, on the upper steps, in all its actuality, was indeed the very scene she had pictured in her mind's eye as she listened to the compromising noises. It was an unseemly and indecent scuffle, a sort of wrestling match between Babette the cook and Herr Permaneder. The girl must have been busied late about the house, for she had her bunch of keys and her candle in her hand as she swayed back and forth in the effort to fend her master off. He, with his hat on the back of his head, held her round the body and kept making essays, now and then successfully, to press his face, with its great walrus moustache, against hers. As Antonie appeared, Babette exclaimed something that sounded like &#8220;Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!&#8221;&#8212;and &#8220;Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!&#8221; echoed Herr Permaneder likewise, as he let go. Almost in the same second the girl vanished, and there was Herr Permaneder left standing before his wife, with drooping head, drooping arms, drooping moustaches too; and all he could get out was some idiotic remark like &#8220;Holy Cross, what a mess!&#8221; When he ventured to lift his eyes, she was no longer there. She was in the bed-chamber, half-sitting, half-lying on the bed, repeating over and over again with frantic sobbing, &#8220;Shame, shame!&#8221; He leaned rather flabbily in the doorway and jerked his shoulder in her direction&#8212;had he been closer, the gesture would have been a nudge in the ribs. &#8220;Hey, Tonerl&#8212;don't be a fool, you know. Say&#8212;you know Franz, the Ramsau Franz, he had his name-day to-day, and we're all half-seas over.&#8221; Strong alcoholic fumes pervaded the room as he spoke; and they brought Frau Permaneder's excitement to a climax. She sobbed no more, she was no longer weak and faint. Carried away by frenzy, incapable of measuring her words, she poured out her disgust, her abhorrence, her complete and utter contempt and loathing of him and all his ways. Herr Permaneder did not take it meekly. His head was hot; for he had treated his friend Franz not only to many beers, but to &#8220;champagne wine&#8221; as well. He answered and answered wildly&#8212;the quarrel reached a height far greater than the one that had signalized Herr Permaneder's retirement into private life, and it ended in Frau Antonie gathering her clothes together and withdrawing into the living-room for the night. And at the end he had flung at her a word&#8212;a word which she would not repeat&#8212;a word that should never pass her lips&#8212;a word....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This was the major content of the confession which Frau Permaneder had sobbed into the folds of her mother's gown. But the &#8220;word,&#8221; the word that in that fearful night had sunk into her very depths&#8212;no, she would not repeat it; no, she would not, she asseverated,&#8212;although her mother had not in the least pressed her to do so, but only nodded her head, slowly, almost imperceptibly, as she looked down on Tony's lovely ash-blond hair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes,&#8221; she said; &#8220;this is very sad, Tony. And I understand it all, my dear little one, because I am not only your Mamma, but I am a woman like you as well. I see now how fully your grief is justified, and how completely your husband, in a moment of weakness, forgot what he owed to you and&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In a moment&#8212;?&#8221; cried Tony. She sprang up. She made two steps backward and feverishly dried her eyes. &#8220;A moment, Mamma! He &lt;i&gt;forgot&lt;/i&gt; what he owed to me and to our name? He never &lt;i&gt;knew&lt;/i&gt; it, from the very beginning! A man that quietly sits down with his wife's dowry&#8212;a man without ambition or energy or will-power! A man that has some kind of thick soup made out of hops in his veins instead of blood&#8212;and I verily believe he has! And to let himself down to such common doings as this with Babette&#8212;and when I reproached him with his good-for-nothingness, to answer with a word that&#8212;a word&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And, arrived once more at the word, the word she would not repeat, quite suddenly she took a step forward and said, in a completely altered, a quieter, milder, interested tone: &#8220;How perfectly sweet! Where did you get that, Mamma?&#8221; She motioned with her chin toward a little receptacle, a charming basket-work stand woven out of reeds and decorated with ribbon bows, in which the Frau Consul kept her fancy-work.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I bought it, some time ago,&#8221; answered the old lady. &#8220;I needed it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very smart,&#8221; Tony said, looking at it with her head on one side. The Frau Consul looked at it too, but without seeing it, for she was in deep thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, my dear daughter,&#8221; she said at last, putting out her hand again, &#8220;however things are, you are here, and welcome a hundred times to your old home. We can talk everything over when we are calmer. Take your things off in your room and make yourself comfortable. Ida!&#8221; she called into the dining-room, lifting her voice, &#8220;lay a place for Madame Permaneder, and one for Erica, my dear.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER X&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Tony returned to her bed-chamber after dinner. During the meal her Mother had told her that Thomas was aware of her expected arrival; and she did not seem particularly anxious to meet him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul came at six o'clock. He went into the landscape-room and had a long talk with his Mother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How is she?&#8221; he asked. &#8220;How does she seem?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Tom, I am afraid she is very determined. She is terribly wrought up. And this word&#8212;if I only knew what it was he said&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will go up and see her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, do, Tom. But knock softly, so as not to startle her, and be very calm, will you? Her nerves are upset. That is the trouble she has with her digestion&#8212;she has eaten nothing. Do talk quietly with her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He went up quickly, skipping a step in his usual way. He was thinking, and twisting the ends of his moustache, but as he knocked his face cleared&#8212;he was resolved to handle the situation as long as possible with humour.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A suffering voice said &#8220;Come in,&#8221; and he opened the door, to find Frau Permaneder lying on the bed fully dressed. The bed curtains were flung back, the down quilt was underneath her back, and a medicine bottle stood on the night-table. She turned round a little and propped her head on her hand, looking at him with her pouting smile. He made a deep bow and spread out his hands in a solemn gesture.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, dear lady! To what are we indebted for the honour of a visit from this personage from the royal city of&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, give me a kiss, Tom,&#8221; she said, sat up to offer him her cheek, and then sank back again. &#8220;Well, how are you, my dear boy? Quite unchanged, I see, since I saw you in Munich.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You can't tell much about it with the blinds down, my dear. And you ought not to steal my thunder like that, either. It is more suitable for me to say&#8212;&#8221; he held her hand in his, and at the same time drew up a chair beside the bed&#8212;&#8220;as I so often have, that you and Tilda&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, for shame, Tom!&#8212;How is Tilda?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, of course. Madame Krauseminz sees she doesn't starve. Which doesn't prevent her eating for the week ahead when she comes here on Thursday.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She laughed very heartily&#8212;as she had not for a long time back, in fact. Then she broke off with a sigh, and asked &#8220;And how is business?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, we get on. Mustn't complain.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank goodness, here everything is as it should be. Oh, Tom, I don't feel much like chatting pleasantly about trifles!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pity. One should preserve one's sense of humour, &lt;i&gt;quand m&#234;me&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb18&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;quand m&#234;me - nevertheless&#034; id=&#034;nh18&#034;&gt;18&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All that is at an end, Tom.&#8212;You know all?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;You know all'!&#8221; he repeated. He dropped her hand and pushed back his chair. &#8220;Goodness gracious, how that sounds! &#8216;All'! What-all lies in that &#8216;all'? &#8216;My love and grief I gave thee,' eh? No, listen!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was silent. She swept him with an astonished and deeply offended glance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I expected that look,&#8221; he said, &#8220;for without that look you would not be here. But, dear Tony, let me take the thing as much too lightly as you take it too seriously. You will see we shall complement each other very nicely&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Too seriously, Thomas? &lt;i&gt;I&lt;/i&gt; take it too seriously?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8212;For heaven's sake, don't let's make a tragedy of it! Let us take it in a lower key, not with &#8216;all is at an end' and &#8216;your unhappy Antonie.' Don't misunderstand me, Tony. You well know that no one can be gladder than I that you have come. I have long wished you would come to us on a visit by yourself, without your husband, so that we could be &lt;i&gt;en famille&lt;/i&gt; together once more. But to come now, like this&#8212;my dear child, I beg your pardon, but it was&#8212;foolish. Yes&#8212;let me finish! Permaneder has certainly behaved very badly, as I will give him to understand pretty clearly&#8212;don't be afraid of that&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As to how he has behaved himself, Thomas,&#8221; she interrupted him, raising herself up to lay a hand upon her breast, &#8220;as far as that goes, I have already given him to understand that&#8212;and not only &#8216;given him to understand,' I can tell you! I am convinced that further discussion with that man is entirely out of place.&#8221; And she let herself fall back again and looked sternly and fixedly at the ceiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He bowed, as if under the weight of her words, and kept on looking down at his knee and smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, then, I won't send him a stiff letter. It is just as you say. In the end it is after all your affair, and it is quite enough if you put him in his place&#8212;it is your duty as his wife. After all, there are some extenuating circumstances. There was a birthday celebration, and he came home a little bit exalted, so to speak, and was guilty of a false step, an unseemly blunder&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thomas,&#8221; said she, &#8220;I do not understand you. I do not understand your tone. You&#8212;a man with your principles! But you did not see him. You did not see how drunk he looked&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He looked ridiculous enough, I'm sure. But that is it, Tony. You will not see how comic it was&#8212;but probably that is the fault of your bad digestion. You caught your husband in a moment of weakness, and you have seen him make himself look ridiculous. But that ought not to outrage you to such an extent. It ought to amuse you a little, perhaps, but bring you closer together as human beings. I will say that I don't mean you could have just let it pass with a laugh and said nothing about it&#8212;not at all. You left home; that was a demonstration of a rather extreme kind, perhaps&#8212;a bit too severe&#8212;but, after all, he deserved it. I imagine he is feeling pretty down in the mouth. I only mean that you must get to take the thing differently&#8212;not so insulted&#8212;a little more politic point of view. We are just between ourselves. Let me tell you something, Tony. In any marriage, the important thing is, on which side the moral ascendency lies. Understand? Your husband has laid himself open, there is no doubt of that. He compromised himself and made a laughable spectacle&#8212;laughable, precisely because what he did was actually so harmless, so impossible to take seriously. But, after all, his dignity is impaired&#8212;and the moral advantage has passed over to you. If you know how to use it wisely, your happiness is assured. If you go back, say in a couple of weeks&#8212;certainly I must insist on keeping you for ourselves as long as that&#8212;if you go back to Munich in a couple of weeks, you will see&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will not go back to Munich, Thomas.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I beg your pardon?&#8221; he asked, putting his hand to his ear and screwing up his face as he bent forward.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was lying on her back with her head sunk in the pillow, so that her chin stood out with an effect of severity. &#8220;Never,&#8221; she said. And she gave a long, audible outward breath and cleared her throat, also at length and deliberately. It was like a dry cough, which had of late become almost a habit with her, and had probably to do with her digestive trouble. There followed a pause.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tony,&#8221; he said suddenly, getting up and slapping his hand on the arm of his chair, &#8220;you aren't going to make a scandal!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She gave a side-glance and saw him all pale, with the muscles standing out on his temples. Her position was no longer tenable. She bestirred herself and, to hide the fear she really felt of him, grew angry in her turn. She sat up quickly and put her feet to the floor. With glowing cheeks and a frowning brow, making hasty motions of the head and hands, she began: &#8220;Scandal, Thomas! You want to tell me not to make a scandal, when I have been insulted, and people spit in my face? Is that worthy of a brother, you will permit me to ask? Circumspection, tact&#8212;they are very well in their place. But there are limits, Tom&#8212;I know just as much of life as you do, and I tell you there is a point where the care for appearances leaves off, and cowardice begins! I am astonished that such a stupid goose as I am have to tell you this&#8212;yes, I am a stupid goose, and I should not be surprised if Permaneder never loved me at all, for I am an ugly old woman, very likely, and Babette is certainly prettier than I am! But did that give him a right to forget the respect he owed to my family, and my upbringing, and all my feelings? You did not see the way he forgot himself, Tom; and since you did not see it, you cannot understand, for I can never tell you how disgusting he was. You did not hear the word that he called after me, your sister, when I took my things and went out of the room, to sleep on the sofa in the living-room. But &lt;i&gt;I&lt;/i&gt; heard it, and it was a word that&#8212;a word&#8212; Oh, it was that word, let me tell you, Thomas, that caused me, to spend the whole night packing my trunk, to wake Erica early in the morning, and to leave the place, rather than to remain in the neighbourhood of a man who could utter such words. And to such a man, as I said before, I will never, never return, not so long as I have any self-respect, or care in the least what becomes of me in my life on this earth.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And will you now have the goodness, to tell me what this cursed word was? Yes or no?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never, Thomas! Never would I permit that word to cross my lips. I know too well what I owe to you and to myself within these walls.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then it's no use talking with you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That may easily be. I am sure I do not want to discuss it any further.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you expect to do? Get a divorce?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tom; such is my firm determination. I feel that I owe it to myself, my child, and my family.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is all nonsense, of course,&#8221; he said in a dispassionate tone. He turned on his heel and moved away, as if his words had settled the matter. &#8220;It takes two to make a divorce, my child. Do you think Permaneder will just say yes and thank you kindly? The idea is absurd.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, you can leave that to me,&#8221; she said, quite undismayed. &#8220;You mean he will refuse on account of the seventeen thousand marks current. But Gr&#252;nlich wasn't willing, either, and they made him. There are ways and means, I'm sure. I'll go to Dr. Gieseke. He is Christian's friend, and he will help me. Oh, yes, of course, I know it was not the same thing then. It was &#8216;incapacity of the husband to provide for his family.' You see, I know my way about in these affairs. Dear me, you act as if this were the first time in my life that I got a divorce! But even so, Tom. Perhaps there is nothing that applies to this case. Perhaps it is impossible&#8212;you may be right. But it is all the same; my resolve is fixed. Let him keep the money. There are higher things in life. He will never see me again, either way.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She coughed again. She had left the bed and seated herself in an easy-chair, resting one elbow on its arm. Her chin was so deeply buried in her hand that her four bent fingers clutched her under lip. She sat with her body turned to the right, staring with red, excited eyes out of the window.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul walked up and down, sighed, shook his head, shrugged his shoulders. He paused in front of her, fairly wringing his hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are a child, Tony, a child,&#8221; said he in a discouraged, almost pleading tone. &#8220;Every word you have spoken is the most utter childish nonsense. Will you make an effort, now, if I beg you, to think about the thing for just one minute like a grown woman? Don't you see that you are acting as if something very serious and dreadful had happened to you&#8212;as if your husband had cruelly betrayed you and heaped insults on you before all the world? Do try to realize that nothing of the sort has happened! Not a single soul in the world knows anything about that silly affair that happened at the top of your staircase in Kaufinger Street. Your dignity, and ours, will suffer no slightest diminution if you go calmly and composedly back to Permaneder&#8212;of course, with your nose in the air! But, on the other hand, if you don't go back, if you give this nonsense so much importance as to make a scandal out of it, then you will be wounding our dignity indeed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She jerked her chin out of her hand and stared him in the face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's enough, Thomas Buddenbrook. Be quiet now; it's my turn. Listen. So you think there is no shame and no scandal so long as people don't get to hear it? Ah, no! The shame that gnaws at us secretly and eats away our self-respect&#8212;that is far, far worse. Are we Buddenbrooks the sort of people to be satisfied if everything looks &#8216;tip-top,' as you say here, on the outside, no matter how much mortification we have to choke down, inside our four walls? I cannot help feeling astonished at you, Tom. Think of our Father and how he would act to-day&#8212;and then judge as he would! No, no! Clean and open dealings must be the rule. Why, you can open your books any day, for all the world to see, and say, &#8216;Here they are, look at them.' We should all of us be just the same. I know how God has made me. I am not afraid. Let Julchen M&#246;llendorpf pass me in the street and not speak, if she wants to. Let Pfiffi Buddenbrook sit here on Thursday afternoons and shake all over with spite, and say, &#8216;Well, that is the second time! But, &lt;i&gt;of course&lt;/i&gt;, both times the men were to blame!' I feel so far above all that now, Thomas&#8212;farther than I can tell you! I know I have done what I thought was right. But if I am to be so afraid of Julchen M&#246;llendorpf and Pfiffi Buddenbrook as to swallow down all sorts of insults and let myself be cursed out in a drunken dialect that isn't even grammar&#8212;to stop with a man in a town where I have to get used to that kind of language and the kind of scenes I saw that night at the top of the stairs&#8212;where I have to forget my origin and my upbringing and everything that I am, and learn to disown it altogether in order to act as if I were satisfied and happy&#8212;&lt;i&gt;that&lt;/i&gt; is what &lt;i&gt;I&lt;/i&gt; call undignified&#8212;&lt;i&gt;that&lt;/i&gt; is what &lt;i&gt;I&lt;/i&gt; call scandalous, I tell you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She broke off, buried her chin once more in her hand, and stared out of the window. He stood before her, his weight on one leg, his hands in his trousers pockets. His eyes rested on her unseeing, for he was in deep thought, and slowly moving his head from side to side.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tony,&#8221; he said. &#8220;You're telling the truth. I knew it all along; but you betrayed yourself just now. It is not the man at all. It is the place. It isn't this other idiotic business&#8212;it is the whole thing all together. You couldn't get used to it. Tell the truth.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thomas,&#8221; she cried, &#8220;it is the truth!&#8221; She sprang up as she spoke, and pointed straight into his face with her outstretched hand. Her own face was red. She stood there in a warlike pose, one hand grasping the chair, gesticulating with the other, and made a long, agitated, passionate speech that welled up in a resistless tide. The Consul stared at her amazed. Scarcely would she pause to draw breath, when new words would come gushing and bubbling forth. Yes, she found words for everything; she gave full expression to all the accumulated disgust of her Munich years. Unassorted, confused, she poured it all out, one thing after another; she kept nothing back. It was like the bursting of a dam&#8212;an assertion of desperate integrity; something elemental, a force of nature, that brooked no restraint.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is the truth!&#8221; she cried. &#8220;Say it again, Thomas! Oh, I can tell you plainly, I am no stupid goose any longer; I know what I have to expect. I don't faint away at my time of life, to hear that dirty work goes on now and then. I've known people like Teary Trieschke, and I was married to Bendix Gr&#252;nlich, and I know the dissipated creatures there are here in this town. I am no country innocent, I tell you; and the affair with Babette wouldn't have made me go off the handle like that, just by itself. No, Thomas, the thing was that it filled the cup to overflowing&#8212;and that didn't take much, for it was full already, and had been for a long time&#8212;a long time. It would have taken very little to make it run over. And then this happened! The knowledge that I could not depend on Permaneder even in that way&#8212;that put the top on everything. It knocked the bottom out of the cask. It brought to a head all at once my intention to get away from Munich, that had been slowly growing in my mind a long time before that, Tom; for I cannot live down there&#8212;I swear it before God and all His heavenly hosts! How wretched I have been, Thomas, you can never know. When you were there on a visit, I concealed everything, for I am a tactful woman and do not burden others with my complainings, nor wear my heart on my sleeve on a week-day. I have always been rather reserved. But I have suffered, Tom, suffered with my entire being&#8212;with my whole personality, so to speak. Like a plant, a flower that has been transplanted into a foreign soil&#8212;if I may make such a comparison. You will probably find it a most unsuitable one, for I am really an ugly old woman&#8212;but I could not be planted in a more foreign soil than that, and I would just as lief go and live in Turkey! Oh, we should never be transplanted, we northern folk! We should stick to the shore of our own bay; we can only really thrive upon our native soil! You all used to laugh at my taste for the nobility. Yes, in these years I have often thought of what somebody said to me once, in times gone by. A very clever man. &#8216;Your sympathies are with the nobility,' he said. &#8216;Shall I tell you why? Because you yourself belong to the nobility. Your father is a great gentleman, and you are a princess. A gulf lies between you and the rest of us who do not belong to the governing classes.' Yes, Tom. We feel like the nobility, and we realize the difference; we should never try to live where we are not known, where no one understands our worth, for we shall have nothing but chagrin, and be laughed at for our arrogance. Yes, they all found me ridiculously arrogant. They did not say so, but I felt it every minute, and that made me suffer, too. Do you think I feel arrogant, Tom&#8212;in a place where they eat cake with a knife, and the very princes speak bad grammar, and if a gentleman picks up a lady's fan it is supposed to be a love-affair. Get used to it? To people without dignity, morals, energy, ambition, self-respect, or good manners, lazy and frivolous, stupid and shallow at the same time?&#8212;no, never, never, as long as I am a Buddenbrook and your sister! Eva Ewers managed it&#8212;but Eva is not a Buddenbrook, and she has a husband that amounts to something. It was different with me. You think back, Tom, from the very beginning: I come from a home where people work and get things accomplished and have a purpose in life, and I go down there to Permaneder&#8212;and he sits himself down with my dowry&#8212; Oh, that was genuine enough, that was characteristic&#8212;but it was the only good thing there was about it! And then? I was going to have a baby; that would have made everything up to me. And what happens? It dies. I don't blame Permaneder for that, of course; I don't mean that. God forbid. He did everything he could&#8212;and he didn't go to the caf&#233; for several days. But, after all, it belonged to the same thing. It made me no happier, as you can well believe. But I didn't give in, and I didn't grumble. I was alone, and misunderstood, and pointed at for being arrogant; but I said to myself: &#8216;You yielded him your consent for life. He is lumpy and lazy, and he caused you a cruel disappointment. But his heart is pure, and he means well.' And then I had to bear the sight of him in that last unspeakable minute. And I said to myself: &#8216;He understands you no better and respects you no more and no less than the others do, and he calls you names that one of our workmen up here wouldn't throw at a dog!' I knew then that nothing bound me to him any more, and that it was an indignity for me to stay. When I was driving from the station this afternoon, I passed Nielsen the porter, and he took off his hat and made me a deep bow, and I bowed back to him&#8212;not arrogantly, not a bit&#8212;I waved my hand, just the way Father used to. And here I am. You can do what you like: you can harness up all your work-horses&#8212;but you can never drag me back to Munich again. And to-morrow I go to Gieseke!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus she spoke; and, finishing, sank back exhausted in her chair and stared again out of the window.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tom was alarmed, shaken, stupefied. He stood before her and found no words. He raised his arms up shoulder-high, drawing a long breath. Then he let them fall against his thighs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, that's an end of it,&#8221; he said. His voice was calm, and he turned and went toward the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her face wore now the same expression, the same half-pouting, half-injured smile, as when he entered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tom?&#8221; she said, with a rising inflection. &#8220;Are you vexed with me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He held the oval doorknob in one hand and made a gesture of weary protest with the other. &#8220;Oh, no. Not at all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She put out her hand and tipped her head on one side. &#8220;Come here, Tom. Your poor sister has had a hard time. Life is hard on her. She has much to bear. And at this minute she has nobody, in all the world&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He came back; he took her hand; but wearily, indifferently, not looking at her face. Suddenly her lip began to quiver.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You must go on alone now,&#8221; she said. &#8220;There's nothing good to be looked for from Christian, and I am finished. Failed. Gone to pieces. I can do no more. I am a poor, useless woman, dependent on you all for my living. I could never have dreamed, Tom, that I should be no help to you at all. Now you stand quite alone, and upon you it depends to keep up the honour and dignity of the family. May God help you in the task.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Two large, clear, childish tears rolled down over her cheeks, which were beginning to show, very faintly, the first signs of age.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER XI&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Tony lost no time. She went resolutely about her affair. In the hope of quieting her, of bringing her slowly to a different frame of mind, the Consul said but little. He asked only one thing: that she should be very quiet and stop entirely in the house&#8212;and Erica as well. Perhaps it would blow over. The town did not need to know. The family Thursday afternoon was put off on some pretext.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But on the very next day she wrote to Dr. Gieseke and summoned him to Meng Street. She received him alone, in the middle corridor room on the first floor, where a fire was laid, and she had arranged a heavy table with ink and writing materials and a quantity of foolscap paper from the office. They sat down in two easy-chairs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Doctor Gieseke,&#8221; said Tony. She folded her arms, flung back her head, and looked at the ceiling while she spoke. &#8220;You are a man of experience, both professionally and personally. I can speak openly with you.&#8221; And thereupon she revealed to him the whole story about Babette and what had happened in her sleeping-chamber. Dr. Gieseke regretted being obliged to explain to her that neither the affair on the stairs nor the insult she had undoubtedly received, the precise nature of which she hesitated to divulge, was sufficient ground for a divorce.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very good,&#8221; she said. &#8220;Thank you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And then, at her request, he gave an exposition of the existing legal grounds for divorce, and an even longer discourse after it, which had for its subject-matter the law touching dowry rights. She listened with open mind and strained attention; and then, with cordial thanks, dismissed Dr. Gieseke for the time being.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She went downstairs and demanded audience of her brother in his private office.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thomas,&#8221; she said, &#8220;please write to the man at once&#8212;I do not like to mention his name. As far as the money goes, I am perfectly informed on that subject. Let him speak. Me he shall never see again, whatever he decides. If he agrees to a divorce, we will ask him to give an accounting and restore my &lt;i&gt;dos&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb19&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;dos &#8211; dowry (Latin)&#034; id=&#034;nh19&#034;&gt;19&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. If he refuses, we need not be discouraged. For, as you probably know, Permaneder's right to my &lt;i&gt;dos&lt;/i&gt;, is, legally speaking a property right. We grant that. But on the other hand, thank goodness, I have certain material rights on my side&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul walked up and down with his hands behind his back, his shoulders twitching nervously. Tony's face, as she uttered the word &lt;i&gt;dos&lt;/i&gt; was too unutterably self-satisfied!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had no time. Heaven knew he had no time. Let her have patience, and wait, and bethink herself a hundred times. His nearest duty was a journey to Hamburg&#8212;indeed, he must go the very next day, for the purpose of a personal interview with Christian. Christian had written for help, for money which would have to come out of the Frau Consul's inheritance. His business was in frightful condition; he was in constant difficulties. Yet he seemed to amuse himself royally and went everywhere, to theatres, restaurants, and concert halls. To judge from the debts now coming to light, which he had been able to pile up on the credit of his family name, he had been living far, far beyond his means. And they knew in Meng Street, and at the club&#8212;yes, the whole town knew&#8212;who was responsible. It was a certain female, a certain Aline Puvogel, who lived alone with her two pretty children. Christian was not the only Hamburg business man who possessed her favours and spent money on her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In short, Tony's intentions in the matter of her divorce were not the only dark spot in the Consul's sky; and the journey to Hamburg was pressing. Besides, it was altogether likely that they would hear from Herr Permaneder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Consul went to Hamburg, and came back angry and depressed. No word had come from Munich, and he felt obliged to take the first step. He wrote; wrote rather coldly, with curt condescension, to this effect: Antonie, during her life with Permaneder, had been subjected to great disappointments&#8212;that would not be denied. Without going into detail, it was evident that she could never find happiness in this marriage. Her wish that it should be dissolved must be justified, to the mind of any reasonable person; and her determination not to return to Munich was entirely unshakable. And he put the question as to what were Herr Permaneder's feelings in view of the facts which he had just stated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There were more days of suspense. And then came Herr Permaneder's reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He answered as no one had expected him to answer&#8212;not Dr. Gieseke, nor the Frau Consul, not Thomas, nor Antonie herself. He agreed, quite simply, to a divorce.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He wrote that he deeply regretted what had happened, but that he respected Antonie's wishes, as he saw that he and she had &#8220;never hit it off.&#8221; If it were true that she had suffered during those years through him, he begged her to forget and forgive. As he would probably never see her and Erica again, he sent them both his hearty good-wishes for all happiness on this earth. And he signed himself, Alois Permaneder. In a postscript he offered to make immediate restitution of the dowry. He had enough without it to lead a life free from care. He did not require to have notice given, for business there was none to wind up, the house belonged to him, and the money was ready any time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tony felt a slight twinge of shame, and was almost inclined, for the first time, to admit that Herr Permaneder's indifference to money matters might have something good about it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now it was Dr. Gieseke's turn again. He communicated with the husband, and a plea of &#8220;mutual incompatibility&#8221; was set up as ground for the divorce. The hearing began&#8212;Tony's second divorce case. She talked about it night and day, and the Consul lost his temper several times. Tony was in no state to share his feelings. She was entirely taken up with words like &#8220;tangibilities,&#8221; &#8220;improvabilities,&#8221; &#8220;accessions,&#8221; &#8220;productivity,&#8221; &#8220;dowry rights,&#8221; and the like, which she used in season and out of season, with marvellous fluency, her shoulders slightly raised. One point in Dr. Gieseke's long disquisitions had made a great impression on her: it had to do with &#8220;treasure&#8221; found in any piece of property that has constituted part of a dowry, which was to be regarded as a component part of the dowry, to be liquidated if the marriage came to an end. About this &#8220;treasure&#8221;&#8212;which was, of course, non-existent&#8212;she talked to every soul she knew: Ida Jungmann, Uncle Justus, poor Clothilde, the Broad Street Buddenbrooks&#8212;and they, when they heard how matters stood, just folded their hands in their laps and looked at each other in speechless joy that this satisfaction, too, had been vouchsafed them. Therese Weichbrodt was told of it&#8212;Erica had gone to stay at the pension again&#8212;and Madame Kethelsen too, though this last, for more than one reason, understood not a single word.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then came the day when the divorce was pronounced; when the last formalities were gone through, and Tony asked Thomas for the family papers and set down this last event with her own hand. Yes, it was done. All that remained was to get used to it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She did it gallantly. She bore, with unscathed dignity, the tiny dagger-thrusts of the ladies from Broad Street; she met the Hagenstr&#246;ms and M&#246;llendorpfs on the street and looked with chilling indifference straight over their heads; and she quite gave up going into society&#8212;the more easily that it had for some years past forsaken her Mother's house for her brother's. She had her own immediate family, the Frau Consul, Tom, and Gerda; she had Ida Jungmann and her motherly friend Sesemi Weichbrodt; and she had Erica, upon whose future she probably built her own last secret hopes, and upon whose aristocratic upbringing she expended much care and thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus she lived, and thus time went on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Later, in some way that was never quite clear, there came to certain members of the family knowledge of that &#8220;word,&#8221; the desperate word which had escaped from Herr Permaneder on that never-to-be-forgotten night.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was it, then, that he had said?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go to the devil, you filthy sprat-eating slut!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And thus Tony Buddenbrook's second marriage came to an end.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTSEVEN&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART SEVEN&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;A christening&#8212;a christening in Broad Street!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All, everything is there that was dreamed of by Madame Permaneder in the days of her expectancy. In the dining-room, the maid-servant, moving noiselessly so as not to disturb the services in the next room, is filling the cups with steaming hot chocolate and whipped cream. There are quantities of cups, crowded together on the great round tray with the gilded shell-shaped handles. And Anton the butler is cutting a towering layer-cake into slices, and Mamsell Jungmann is arranging flowers and sweets in silver dessert-dishes, with her head on one side, and both little fingers stuck out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Soon the company will have seated themselves in the salon and sitting-room, and all these delicacies will be handed round. It is to be hoped they will hold out, since it is the whole family which has gathered here, in the broader, if not quite in the broadest sense of the word. For it is, through the &#214;verdiecks, connected distantly with the Kistenmakers, and through them with the M&#246;llendorpfs&#8212;and so on. One simply must draw the line somewhere! But the &#214;verdiecks are represented, and, indeed, by no less a personage than the head of the family, the venerable Doctor Kaspar &#214;verdieck, reigning Burgomaster, more than eighty years old.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He came in a carriage, and mounted the steps leaning on his staff and Thomas Buddenbrook's arm. His presence enhances the dignity of the occasion&#8212;and, beyond a question, this occasion is worthy of every dignity!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For within, in the salon, there is a flower-decked small table, serving as an altar, with a young priest in black vestments and a stiff snowy ruff like a millstone round his neck, reciting the service; and there is a great, strapping, particularly well-nourished person, richly arrayed in red and gold, bearing upon her billowing arms a small something, half smothered in laces and satin bows: an heir&#8212;a first-born son! A Buddenbrook! Do we really grasp the meaning of the fact?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Can we realize the thrill of that first whisper, that first little hint that travelled from Broad Street to Mengstrasse? Or Frau Permaneder's speechless ecstasy, as she embraced her mother, her brother, and&#8212;very gently&#8212;her sister-in-law? And now, with the spring&#8212;the spring of the year 1861&#8212;he has come: he, the heir of so many hopes, whom they have expected for so many years, talked of him, longed for him, prayed to God and tormented Dr. Grabow for him; at length he has come&#8212;and looks most unimposing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His tiny hands play among the gilt trimmings of his nurse's waist; his head, in a lace cap trimmed with pale blue ribbons, lies sidewise on the pillow, turned heedlessly away from the preacher; he stares out into the room, at all his relatives, with an old, knowing look. Those eyes, under their long-lashed lids, blend the light blue of the Father's and the brown of the Mother's iris into a pale, indefinite, changeful golden-brown; but bluish shadows lie in the deep corners on both sides of the nose, and these give the little face, which is hardly yet a face at all, an aged look not suited to its four weeks of existence. But, please God, they mean nothing&#8212;for has not his Mother the same? And she is in perfectly good health. And anyhow, he lives&#8212;he lives, and is a son; which was the cause, four weeks ago, for great rejoicing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He lives&#8212;and it might have been otherwise. The Consul will never forget the grip of good Dr. Grabow's hand, as he said to him, four weeks ago, when he could leave the mother and child: &#8220;Give thanks to God, my dear friend&#8212;there wasn't much to spare.&#8221; The Consul has not dared to ask his meaning. He put from him in horror the thought that his son&#8212;this tiny creature, yearned for in vain so many years&#8212;had slipped into the world without breath to cry out, almost&#8212;almost&#8212;like Antonie's second daughter. But he knows that that hour, four weeks ago, was a desperate one for mother and child; and he bends tenderly over Gerda, who reclines in an easy-chair in front of him, next his Mother, her feet, in patent-leather shoes, crossed before her on a velvet cushion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
How pale she still is! And how strangely lovely in her pallor, with that heavy dark-red hair and those mysterious eyes that rest upon the preacher in half-veiled mockery! Herr Andreas Pringsheim, &lt;i&gt;pastor marianus&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb20&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;pastor marianus &#8211; marial shepherd&#034; id=&#034;nh20&#034;&gt;20&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, succeeded thus young to the headship of St. Mary's after old K&#246;lling's sudden death. He holds his chin in the air and his hands prayerfully folded beneath it. He has short, curly blond hair and a smooth-shaven, bony face, with a somewhat theatrical range of expression, from fanatical zeal to an exalted serenity. He comes from Franconia, where he has been for some years, serving a small Lutheran community among Catholics; and his effort after a clear and moving delivery has resulted in exaggerated mannerisms; an &lt;i&gt;r&lt;/i&gt; rolled upon his front teeth and long, obscure, or crudely accented vowel-sounds.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He gives thanks to God, in a voice now low and soft, now loud and swelling&#8212;and the family listen: Frau Permaneder, clothed in a dignity that hides her pride and her delight; Erica Gr&#252;nlich, now almost fifteen years old, a blooming young girl with a long braid and her father's rosy skin; and Christian, who has arrived that morning, and sits letting his deep-set eyes rove from side to side all over the room. Pastor Tiburtius and his wife have not shrunk from the long journey, but have come from Riga to be present at the ceremony. The ends of Sievert Tiburtius' long, thin whiskers are parted over his shoulders, and his small grey eyes now and then open wider and wider, most unexpectedly, and grow larger and more prominent till they almost jump out of his head. Clara's gaze is dark and solemn and severe, and she sometimes lifts her hand to a head that always seems to ache. But they have brought a splendid present to the Buddenbrooks: a huge brown bear stuffed in a standing position. A relative of the Pastor's shot him somewhere in the heart of Russia, and now he stands below in the vestibule with a card-tray between his paws.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Kr&#246;gers have their son J&#252;rgen visiting them; he is a post-office official in Rostock, a quiet, simply-dressed man. Where Jacob is, nobody knows but his mother, who was an &#214;verdieck. She, poor, weak woman, secretly sells the household silver to send money to the disinherited son. And the ladies Buddenbrook are there, deeply rejoiced over the happy family event&#8212;which does not prevent Pfiffi from remarking that the child looks rather unhealthy: a view which the Frau Consul, born St&#252;wing, and likewise Friederike and Henriette, feel bound to endorse. But poor Clothilde, lean, grey, resigned, and hungry, is moved by the words of Pastor Pringsheim and the prospect of layer-cake and chocolate. The guests not belonging to the family are Herr Friedrich Wilhelm Marcus and Sesemi Weichbrodt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now the Pastor turns to the god-parents and instructs them in their duty. Justus Kr&#246;ger is one. Consul Buddenbrook refused at first to ask him. &#8220;Why invite the old man to commit a piece of folly?&#8221; he says. &#8220;He has frightful scenes with his wife every day over Jacob; their little property is slowly melting away&#8212;out of pure worry he is even beginning to be careless in his dress! But you know what will happen: if we ask him, he will send the child a heavy gold service and refuse to be thanked for it!&#8221; But when Uncle Justus heard who was to be asked in his place&#8212;Stephan Kistenmaker had been mentioned&#8212;he was so enormously piqued that they had to ask him after all. The gold mug he presented was, to Thomas's great relief, not exaggeratedly heavy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the second god-father? It is this dignified old gentleman with the snow-white hair, high neck-band, and soft black broadcloth coat with the red handkerchief sticking out of the back pocket, sitting here bent over his stick, in the most comfortable arm-chair in the house. It is, of course, Burgomaster Dr. &#214;verdieck. It is a great event&#8212;a triumph! Good heavens, how could it have come about? he is hardly even a relative! The Buddenbrooks must have dragged the old man in by the hair! In fact, it &lt;i&gt;is&lt;/i&gt; rather a feat: a little intrigue planned by the Consul and Madame Permaneder. At first it was merely a joke, born of the great relief of knowing that mother and child were safe. &#8220;A boy, Tony,&#8221; cried the Consul. &#8220;He ought to have the Burgomaster for god-father!&#8221; But she took it up in earnest, whereupon he considered the matter seriously and agreed to make a trial. They hid behind Uncle Justus, and got him to send his wife to her sister-in-law, the wife of &#214;verdieck the lumber dealer. She accepted the task of preparing the old father-in-law; then Thomas Buddenbrook made a visit to the head of the state and paid his respects&#8212;and the thing was done.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now the nurse lifts up the child's cap, and the Pastor cautiously sprinkles two or three drops out of the gilt-lined silver basin in front of him, upon the few hairs of little Buddenbrook, as he slowly and impressively names the names with which he is baptizing him: Justus, Johann, Kaspar. Follows a short prayer, and then the relatives file by to bestow a kiss upon the brow of the unconcerned little creature. Therese Weichbrodt comes last, to whom the nurse has to stoop with her burden; in return for which Sesemi gives him two kisses, that go off with small explosions, and says, between them: &#8220;You good che-ild!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Three minutes later, the guests have disposed themselves in salon and living-room, and the sweets are passed. Even Pastor Pringsheim, the toes of his broad, shiny boots showing under his black vestments, sits and sips the cool whipped cream off his hot chocolate, chatting easily the while, and wearing his serene expression, which is most effective by way of contrast with his sermon. His manner says, as plainly as words: &#8220;See how I can lay aside the priest and become the jolly ordinary guest!&#8221; He is a versatile, an accommodating sort of man. To the Frau Consul he speaks rather unctuously, to Thomas and Gerda like a man of the world, and with Frau Permaneder he is downright jocose, making jokes and gesturing fluently. Now and then, whenever he thinks of it, he folds his hands in his lap, tips back his head, glooms his brows, and makes a long face. When he laughs he draws the air in through his teeth in little jerks.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly there is a stir in the corridor, the servants are heard laughing, and in the doorway appears a singular figure, come to offer congratulations. It is Grobleben: Grobleben, from whose thin nose, no matter what the time of year, there ever hangs a drop, which never falls. Grobleben is a workman in one of the Consul's granaries, and he has an extra job, too, at the house, as boots. Every morning early he appears in Broad Street, takes the boots from before the door, and cleans them below in the court. At family feasts he always appears in holiday attire, presents flowers, and makes a speech, in a whining, unctuous voice, with the drop pendent from his nose. For this, he always gets a piece of money&#8212;but that is &lt;i&gt;not&lt;/i&gt; why he does it!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He wears a black coat&#8212;an old one of the Consul's&#8212;greased leather top-boots, and a blue woollen scarf round his neck. In his wizened red hand he holds a bunch of pale-coloured roses, which are a little past their best, and slowly shed their petals on the carpet. He blinks with his small red eyes, but apparently sees nothing. He stands still in the doorway, with his flowers held out in front of him, and begins straightway to speak. The old Frau Consul nods to him encouragingly and makes soothing little noises, the Consul regards him with one eyebrow lifted, and some of the family&#8212;Frau Permaneder, for instance&#8212;put their handkerchiefs to their mouths.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I be a poor man, yer honour 'n' ladies 'n' gentlemen, but I've a feelin' hairt; 'n' the happiness of my master comes home to me, it do, seein's he's allus been so good t' me; 'n' so I've come, yer honour 'n' ladies 'n' gentlemen, to congratulate the Herr Consul 'n' the Frau Consul, 'n' the whole respected family, from a full hairt, 'n' that the child may prosper, for that they desarve fr'm God 'n' man, for such a master as Consul Buddenbrook there aren't so many, he's a noble gentleman, 'n' our Lord will reward him for all....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Splendid, Grobleben! That was a beautiful speech. Thank you very much, Grobleben. What are the roses for?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Grobleben has not nearly done. He strains his whining voice and drowns the Consul out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;... 'n' I say th' Lord will reward him, him and the whole respected family; 'n' when his time has come to stan' before His throne, for stan' we all must, rich &lt;i&gt;and&lt;/i&gt; poor, 'n' one'll have a fine polished hard-wood coffin 'n' 'tother 'n old box, yet all on us must come to mother earth at th' last, yes, we must all come to her at th' last&#8212;to mother earth&#8212;to mother&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, come, come, Grobleben! This isn't a funeral, it's a christening. Get along with your mother earth!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;... 'n' these be a few flowers,&#8221; concludes Grobleben.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank you, Grobleben, thank you. This is too much&#8212;what did you pay for them, man? But I haven't heard such a speech as that for a long time! Wait a minute&#8212;here, go out and give yourself a treat, in honour of the day!&#8221; And the Consul puts his hand on the old man's shoulder and gives him a thaler.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here, my good man,&#8221; says the Frau Consul. &#8220;And I hope you love our blessed Lord?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I be lovin' him from my hairt, Frau Consul, thet's the holy truth!&#8221; And Grobleben gets another thaler from her, and a third from Frau Permaneder, and retires with a bow and a scrape, taking the roses with him by mistake, except for those already fallen on the carpet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Burgomaster takes his leave now, and the Consul accompanies him down to his carriage. This is the signal for the party to break up&#8212;for Gerda Buddenbrook must rest. The old Frau Consul, Tony, Erica, and Mamsell Jungmann are the last to go.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Ida,&#8221; says the Consul, &#8220;I have been thinking it over: you took care of us all, and when little Johann gets a bit older&#8212; He still has the monthly nurse now, and after that he will still need a day-nurse, I suppose&#8212;but will you be willing to move over to us when the time comes?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, indeed, Herr Consul, if your wife is satisfied.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gerda is content to have it so, and thus it is settled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the act of leaving, however, and already at the door, Frau Permaneder turns. She comes back to her brother and kisses him on both cheeks, and says: &#8220;It has been a lovely day, Tom. I am happier than I have been for years. We Buddenbrooks aren't quite at the last gasp yet, thank God, and whoever thinks we are is mightily mistaken. Now that we have little Johann&#8212;it is so beautiful that he is christened Johann&#8212;it looks to me as if quite a new day will dawn for us all!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Christian Buddenbrook, proprietor of the firm of H. C. F. Purmeister and Company of Hamburg, came into his brother's living-room, holding in his hand his modish grey hat and his walking-stick with the nun's bust. Tom and Gerda sat reading together. It was half-past nine on the evening of the christening day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good evening,&#8221; said Christian. &#8220;Oh, Thomas, I must speak with you at once.&#8212;Please excuse me, Gerda.&#8212;It is urgent, Thomas.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They went into the dark dining-room, where the Consul lighted a gas-jet on the wall, and looked at his brother. He expected nothing good. Except for the first greeting, he had had no opportunity to speak with Christian, but he had looked at him, during the service, and noted that he seemed unusually serious, and even more restless than common: in the course of Pastor Pringsheim's discourse he had left the room for several minutes. Thomas had not written him since the day in Hamburg when he had paid over into his brother's hands an advance of 10,000 marks current on his inheritance, to settle his indebtedness. &#8220;Just go on as you are going,&#8221; he had said, &#8220;and you'll soon run through all your money. As far as I am concerned, I hope you will cross my path very little in future. You have put my friendship to too hard a test in these three years.&#8221; Why was he here now? Something must be driving him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well?&#8221; asked the Consul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm done,&#8221; Christian said. He let himself down sidewise on one of the high-backed chairs around the dining-table, and held his hat and stick between his thin knees.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;May I ask what it is you are done with, and what brings you to me?&#8221; said the Consul. He remained standing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm done,&#8221; repeated Christian, shaking his head from side to side with frightful earnestness and letting his little round eyes stray restlessly back and forth. He was now thirty-three years old, but he looked much older. His reddish-blond hair was grown so thin that nearly all the cranium was bare. His cheeks were sunken, the cheek-bones protruded sharply, and between them, naked, fleshless, and gaunt, stood the huge hooked nose.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If it were only this&#8212;!&#8221; he went on, and ran his hand down the whole of his left side, very close, but not touching it. &#8220;It isn't a pain, you know&#8212;it is a misery, a continuous, indefinite ache. Dr. Dr&#246;gemuller in Hamburg tells me that my nerves on this side are all too short. Imagine, on my whole left side, my nerves aren't long enough! Sometimes I think I shall surely have a stroke here, on this side, a permanent paralysis. You have no idea. I never go to sleep properly. My heart doesn't beat, and I start up suddenly, in a perfectly terrible fright. That happens not once but ten times before I get to sleep. I don't know if you know what it is. I'll tell you about it more precisely. It is&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not now,&#8221; the Consul said coldly. &#8220;Am I to understand that you have come here to tell me this? I suppose not.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Thomas. If it were only that&#8212;but it is not that&#8212;alone. It is the business. I can't go on with it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your affairs are in confusion again?&#8221; The Consul did not start, he did not raise his voice. He asked the question quite calmly, and looked sidewise at his brother, with a cold, weary glance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Thomas. For to tell you the truth&#8212;it is all the same now&#8212;I never really was in order, even with the ten thousand, as you know yourself. They only saved me from putting up the shutters at once. The thing is&#8212;I had more losses at once, in coffee&#8212;and with the failure in Antwerp&#8212; That's the truth. So then I didn't do any more business; I just sat still. But one has to live&#8212;so now there are notes and other debts&#8212;five thousand thaler. You don't know the hole I'm in. And on top of everything else, this agony&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, so you just sat still, did you?&#8221; cried the Consul, beside himself. His self-control was gone now. &#8220;You let the wagon stick in the mud and went off to enjoy yourself! You think I don't know the kind of life you've been living&#8212;theatres and circus and clubs&#8212;and women&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You mean Aline. Yes, Thomas, you have very little understanding for that sort of thing, and it's my misfortune, perhaps, that I have so much. You are right when you say it has cost me too much; and it will cost me a goodish bit more, for&#8212;I'll tell you something, just here between two brothers&#8212;the third child, the little girl, six months old, she is my child.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You fool, you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't say that, Thomas. You should be just, even if you are angry, to her and to&#8212;why shouldn't it be my child? And as for Aline, she isn't in the least worthless, and you ought not to say she is. She is not at all promiscuous; she broke with Consul Holm on my account, and he has much more money than I have. That's how decent she is. No, Thomas, you simply can't understand what a splendid creature she is&#8212;and &lt;i&gt;healthy&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;she is as &lt;i&gt;healthy&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;!&#8221; He repeated the word, and held up one hand before his face with the fingers crooked, in the same gesture as when he used to tell about &#8220;Maria&#8221; and the depravity of London. &#8220;You should see her teeth when she laughs. I've never found any other teeth to compare with them, not in Valparaiso, or London, or anywhere else in the world. I'll never forget the evening I first met her, in the oyster-room, at Uhlich's. She was living with Consul Holm then. Well, I told her a story or so, and was a bit friendly; and when I went home with her afterwards&#8212;well, Thomas, that's a different sort of feeling from the one you have when you do a good stroke of business! But you don't like to hear about such things&#8212;I can see that already&#8212;and anyhow, it's over with. I'm saying good-bye to her, though I shall keep in touch with her on account of the child. I'll pay up everything I owe in Hamburg, and shut up shop. I can't go on. I've talked with Mother, and she is willing to give me the five thousand thaler to start with, so I can put things in order; and I hope you will agree to it, for it is much better to say quite simply that Christian Buddenbrook is winding up his business and going abroad, than for me to make a failure. You think so too, don't you? I intend to go to London again, Thomas, and take a position. It isn't good for me to be independent&#8212;I can see that more and more. The responsibility&#8212;whereas in a situation one just goes home quite care-free, at the end of the day. And I liked living in London. Do you object?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
During this exposition, the Consul had turned his back on his brother, and stood with his hands in his pockets, describing figures on the floor with his foot.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very good, go to London,&#8221; he said, shortly, and without turning more than half-way toward his brother, he passed into the living-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Christian followed him. He went up to Gerda, who sat there alone, reading, and put out his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good night, Gerda. Well, Gerda, I'm off for London. Yes, it's remarkable how one gets tossed about hither and yon. Now it's again into the unknown, into a great city, you know, where one meets an adventure at every third step, and sees so much of life. Strange&#8212;do you know the feeling? One gets it here&#8212;sort of in the pit of the stomach&#8212;it's very odd.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;James M&#246;llendorpf, the oldest of the merchant senators, died in a grotesque and horrible way. The instinct of self-preservation became very weak in this diabetic old man; and in the last years of his life he fell a victim to a passion for cakes and pastries. Dr. Grabow, as the M&#246;llendorpf family physician, had protested energetically, and the distressed relatives employed gentle constraint to keep the head of the family from committing suicide with sweet bake-stuffs. But the old Senator, mental wreck as he was, rented a room somewhere, in some convenient street, like Little Groping Alley, or Angelswick, or Behind-the-Wall&#8212;a little hole of a room, whither he would secretly betake himself to consume sweets. And there they found his lifeless body, the mouth still full of half-masticated cake, the crumbs upon his coat and upon the wretched table. A mortal stroke had supervened, and put a stop to slow dissolution.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The horrid details of the death were kept as much as possible from the family, but they flew about the town, and were discussed at length on the Bourse, in the club, and at the Harmony, in all the business offices, in the Assembly of Burgesses&#8212;likewise at all the balls, dinners, and evening parties, for the death occurred in February of the year '62, and the season was in full swing. Even the Frau Consul's friends talked about it, on the Jerusalem evenings, in the pauses of Lea Gerhardt's reading aloud; the little Sunday-school children discussed it in awesome whispers as they crossed the Buddenbrook entry; and Herr Stuht, in Bell-Founders' Street, went into ample detail over it with his wife, who moved in the highest circles.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But interest could not long remain concentrated upon the past. And even with the first rumour of the old man's death, the great question had at once sprung up: who was to succeed him?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What suspense, what subterranean activity! A stranger, intent on the sights of the mediaeval town, would have noticed nothing; but beneath the surface there was unimaginable bustle and commotion, as one firm and unassailable honest conviction after another was exploded; and slowly, slowly the while, divergent views approached each other! Passions are stirred, Ambition and Vanity wrestle together in silence. Dead and buried hopes spring once more to life&#8212;and again are blasted. Old Kurz, the merchant, in Bakers' Alley, who gets three or four votes at every election, will sit quaking at home on the fatal day, and listen to the shouting, but he will not be elected this time either. He will continue to take his walks abroad, displaying outwardly his usual mingling of civic pride and self-satisfaction: but he will bear down with him into the grave the secret chagrin of never having been elected Senator.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
James M&#246;llendorpf's death was discussed at the Buddenbrook Thursday dinner-table; and Frau Permaneder, after the proper expressions of sympathy, began to let her tongue play upon her upper lip and look across artfully at her brother. The Buddenbrook ladies marked the look. They exchanged piercing glances, and with one accord shut their eyes and their lips tightly together. The Consul had, for a second, responded to the sly smile his sister gave him, and then given the talk another turn. He knew that the thought which Tony hugged to her breast in secret was being spoken in the street.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Names were suggested and rejected, others came up and were sifted out. Henning Kurz in Bakers' Alley was too old. They needed new blood. Consul Huneus, the lumber dealer, whose millions would have weighted the scale heavily in his favour, was constitutionally ineligible, as his brother already sat in the Senate. Consul Eduard Kistenmaker, the wine dealer, and Consul Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m were names that kept their places on the list. But from the very first was heard the name of Thomas Buddenbrook; and as election-day approached, it grew constantly plainer that he and Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m were the favoured candidates.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m had his admirers and hangers-on&#8212;there was no doubt of that. His zeal in public affairs, the spectacular rise of the firm of Strunck and Hagenstr&#246;m, the showy house the Consul kept, the luxurious life he led, the p&#226;t&#233;s-de-foie-gras he ate for breakfast&#8212;all these could not fail to make an impression. This large, rather over-stout man with the short, full, reddish beard and the snub nose coming down flat on his upper lip, this man whose grandfather nobody knew, not even himself, and whose father had made himself socially impossible by a rich but doubtful marriage; this man had become a brother-in-law of the Huneus' and the M&#246;llendorpfs, had ranged his name alongside those of the five or six reigning families in the town, and was undeniably a remarkable and a respected figure. The novel and therewith the attractive element in his personality&#8212;that which singled him out for a leading position in the eyes of many&#8212;was its liberal and tolerant strain. His light, large way of making money and spending it again differed fundamentally from the patient, persistent toil and the inherited principles of his fellow merchants. This man stood on his own feet, free from the fetters of tradition and ancestral piety; and all the old ways were foreign to him. His house was not one of the ancient patrician mansions, built with senseless waste of space, in tall white galleries mounting above a stone-paved ground floor. His home on Sand Street, the southern extension of Broad Street, was a modern dwelling, not conforming to any set style of architecture, with a simple painted fa&#231;ade, but furnished inside with every luxury and planned with the cleverest economy of space. Recently, on the occasion of one of his large evening parties, he had invited a prima donna from the government theatre, to sing after dinner to his guests&#8212;among them his witty, art-loving brother&#8212;and had paid her an enormous fee for her services. Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m was not the man to vote in the Assembly for the application of large sums of money to preserve and restore the town's mediaeval monuments. But it was a fact that he was the first, absolutely the first man in town to light his house and his offices with gas. Yes, if Consul Hagenstr&#246;m could be said to represent any tradition whatever, it was the free, progressive, tolerant, unprejudiced habit of thought which he had inherited from his father, old Heinrich&#8212;and on this was based all the admiration people undoubtedly felt for him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook's prestige was of a different kind. People honoured in him not only his own personality, but the personalities of his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather as well: quite apart from his own business and public achievement, he was the representative of a hundred years of honourable tradition. And the easy, charming way, indeed, with which he carried the family standard made no small part of his success. What distinguished him, even among his professional fellow-citizens, was an unusual degree of formal culture, which, wherever he went, aroused both wonder and respect in about equal degrees.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On Thursdays at the Buddenbrooks', the coming election received only brief and passing comment in the presence of the Consul. Whenever it was mentioned, the old Frau Consul discreetly averted her light eyes. But Frau Permaneder, now and then, could not refrain from displaying her astonishing knowledge of the Constitution. She had gone very thoroughly into the decrees touching the election of a member of the Senate, precisely as once she thoroughly informed herself on the laws governing divorce. She talked about voting chambers, ballots, and electors, she weighed all the possible eventualities, she could recite verbatim and glibly the oath taken by the voters. She spoke of the &#8220;free and frank discussion&#8221; which the Constitution ordains must be held over each name upon the list of candidates, and vivaciously wished she might be present when Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m's character was being pulled to pieces! A moment later she leaned over and began to count the prune-pits on her brother's dessert-plate: tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor&#8212;finishing triumphantly with &#8220;senator&#8221; when she came to the last pit. But after dinner she could not hold in any longer. She took her brother's arm and drew him into the bow-window.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Tom! &lt;i&gt;Tom&lt;/i&gt;! Suppose you are really elected&#8212;if our coat-of-arms is put up in the Senate-chamber at the Town Hall I shall just die of joy, I know I shall. I shall fall dead at the news&#8212;you'll see!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, Tony dear! Have a little self-control, a little dignity, I beg of you. You are not usually lacking in dignity. Am I going around like Henning Kurz? We amount to something even without the &#8216;Senator.' And I hope you won't die, whichever way it turns out!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the agitations, the consultations, the struggles of opinion took their course. Consul Peter D&#246;hlmann, the rake with a business now entirely ruined, which existed only in name, and the twenty-seven-year-old daughter whose inheritance he was eating up, played his part by attending two dinners, one given by Thomas Buddenbrook and the other by Herman Hagenstr&#246;m, and both times addressing his host, in his loud, resounding voice, as &#8220;Senator.&#8221; But Siegismund Gosch, old Gosch the broker, went about like a raging lion, and engaged to throttle anybody, out of hand, who wasn't minded to vote for Consul Buddenbrook.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Consul Buddenbrook, gentlemen&#8212;ah, there's a man for you! I stood at his father's side in the '48, when, with a word, he tamed the unleashed fury of the mob. His father, and his father's father before him, would have been Senator were there any justice on this earth!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But at bottom it was not so much Consul Buddenbrook himself whose personality fired Gosch's soul to its innermost depths. It was rather the young Frau Consul, Gerda Arnoldsen. Not that the broker had ever exchanged a word with her. He did not belong to her circle of wealthy merchant families, nor sit at their tables, nor pay visits to them. But, as we have seen, Gerda Buddenbrook had but to arrive in the town to be singled out by the roving fancy of the sinister broker, ever on the look-out for the unusual. With unerring instinct he divined that this figure was calculated to add content to his unsatisfied existence, and he made himself the slave of one who had scarcely ever heard his name. Since then he encompassed in his reveries this nervous, exceedingly reserved lady, to whom he had not even been presented: he lifted his Jesuit hat to her, on the street, to her great surprise, and treated her to a pantomime of cringing treachery, gloating over her the while in his thoughts as a tiger might over his trainer. This dull existence would afford him no chance of committing atrocities for this woman's sake&#8212;ah, if it only would, with what devilish indifference would he answer for them! Its stupid conventions prevented him from raising her, by deeds of blood and horror, to an imperial throne!&#8212;And thus, nothing was left but for him to go to the Town Hall and cast his vote in favour of her furiously respected husband&#8212;and, perhaps, one day, to dedicate to her his forthcoming transition of Lope de Vega.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Every vacant seat in the Senate must, according to the Constitution, be filled within four weeks. Three of them have passed, and this is election-day&#8212;a day of thaw, at the end of February.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It is about one o'clock, and people are thronging into Broad Street. They are thronging before the Town Hall, with its ornamental glazed-brick fa&#231;ade, its pointed towers and turrets mounting toward a whitish grey sky, its covered steps supported on outstanding columns, its pointed arcades, through which there is a glimpse of the market-place and the fountain. The crowd stands steadfastly in the dirty slush that melts beneath their feet; they look into each other's faces and then straight ahead again, and crane their necks. For beyond that portal, in the Council Room, in fourteen arm-chairs arranged in a semicircle sit the electors, who have been chosen from the Senate and the Assembly and await the proposals of the voting chambers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The affair has spun itself out. It appears that the debate in the chambers will not die down; the struggle is so bitter that up to now not one single unanimous choice has been put before the Council&#8212;otherwise the Burgomaster would at once announce an election. Extraordinary! Rumours&#8212;nobody knows whence, nobody knows how&#8212;come from within the building and circulate in the street. Perhaps Herr Kaspersen, the elder of the two beadles, who always refers to himself as a &#8220;servant of the State,&#8221; is standing inside there and telling what he hears, out of the corner of his mouth, through his shut teeth, with his eyes turned the other way! The story goes that proposals have been laid before the sitting, but that each of the three chambers has turned in a different name: namely Hagenstr&#246;m, Kistenmaker, and Buddenbrook. A secret ballot must now be taken, with ballot-papers&#8212;it is to be hoped that it will show a clear plurality! For people without overshoes are suffering, and stamping their feet to warm them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The waiting crowd is made up of all sorts and conditions. There are sea-faring characters, with bare tattoed necks and their hands in the pockets of their sailor trousers; grain-porters with their incomparably respectable countenances, and their blouses and knee-breeches of black glazed calico; drivers who have clambered down from their wagons of piled-up sacks, and stand whip in hand to wait for the decision; servant-maids in neckerchiefs, aprons and thick striped petticoats with little white caps perched on the backs of their heads and market-baskets hanging on their bare arms; fish and vegetable women with their flat straw baskets&#8212;even a couple of pretty farm girls with Dutch caps, short skirts, and long flowing sleeves coming out from their gaily-embroidered stay-bodies. Mingled among these, burghers, shop-keepers who have come out hatless from neighbouring shops to exchange their views, sprucely-dressed young men who are apprentices in the business of their fathers or their fathers' friends&#8212;and schoolboys with satchels and bundles of books.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Two labourers with bristling sailor beards, stand chewing their tobacco; behind them is an excited lady, craning her neck this way and that to get a glimpse of the Town Hall between their powerful shoulders. She wears a long evening cloak trimmed with brown fur, which she holds together from the inside with both hands. Her face is well covered with a thick brown veil. She shifts her feet about in the melting snow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gawd! Kurz bain't gettin' it this time, nuther, be he?&#8221; says the one labourer to the other.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Naw, ye mutton-head, 'tis certain he bain't. There's no more talk o' him. Th' votin's between Hagenstr&#246;m, Buddenbrook, 'n' Kistenmaker. 'Tis all about they,&#8212;now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;'Tis whether which one o' th' three be ahead o' the others, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So 'tis; yes, they do say so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then I'm minded they'll be choosin' Hagenstr&#246;m.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Eh, smarty&#8212;so they'll be choosin' Hagenstr&#246;m? Ye can tell that to yer grandmother!&#8221; And therewith he spits his tobacco-juice on the ground close to his own feet, the crowd being too dense to admit of a trajectory. He takes hold of his trousers in both hands and pulls them up higher under his belt, and goes on: &#8220;Hagenstr&#246;m, he's a great pig&#8212;he be so fat he can't breathe through his own nose! If so be it's all o'er wi' Kurz then I'm fer Buddenbrook. 'Tis a very shrewd chap.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So 'tis, so 'tis. But Hagenstr&#246;m, he's got the money.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That bain't the question&#8212;'tis no matter o' riches.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;'n' then this Buddenbrook&#8212;he be so devilish fine wi' his cuffs 'n' his silk tie 'n' his stickin'-out moustaches; hast seen him walk? He hops along like a bird.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ye ninny, that bain't the question, no more'n th' other.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They say his sister've put away two men a'ready.&#8221; The lady in the fur cloak trembles visibly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Eh, that soart o' thing&#8212;what do we know about it? Likely the Consul he couldn't help it hisself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The lady in the veil thinks to herself, &#8220;He couldn't, indeed! Thank God for that,&#8221; and presses her hands together, inside her cloak.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;'n' then,&#8221; adds the Buddenbrook partisan, &#8220;didn't the Burgomaster his own self stan' godfeyther to his son? Can't ye tell somethin' by that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, can't you indeed?&#8221; thinks the lady. &#8220;Thank heaven, that did do some good.&#8221; She starts. A fresh rumour from the Town Hall, running zigzag through the crowd, has reached her ears. The balloting, it seems, has not been decisive. Eduard Kistenmaker, indeed, has received fewer votes than the other two candidates, and his name has been dropped. But the struggle goes on between Buddenbrook and Hagenstr&#246;m. A sapient citizen remarks that if the voting continues to be even, it will be necessary to appoint five arbitrators.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A voice, down in front at the entrance steps, shouts suddenly: &#8220;Heine Seehas is 'lected&#8212;'rah for Heine Seehas!&#8221; Heine Seehas, be it known, is an habitual drunkard, who peddles hot bread on a little wagon through the streets. Everybody roars with laughter, and stands on tip-toe to see the wag who is responsible for the joke. The lady in the veil is seized with a nervous giggle; her shoulders shake for a moment, and then give a shrug which expresses as plainly as words: &#8220;Is this the time for tom-foolery like that?&#8221; She collects herself again, and stares with intensity between the two labourers at the Town Hall. But almost at the same moment her hands slip from her cloak, so that it opens in front, her figure relaxes, her shoulders droop, she stands there entirely crushed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hagenstr&#246;m!&#8212;The word seems to have come from nobody knows where&#8212;down from the sky, or up from the earth. It is everywhere at once. There is no contradiction. So it is decided. Hagenstr&#246;m! Hagenstr&#246;m it is, then. One may as well go home. The lady in the veil might have known. It was ever thus. She will go home&#8212;she feels the tears rising in her throat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This state of things has lasted a second or so, when there occurs a shouting and a backward jostling of the throng. It runs through the whole assemblage, as those in front press back those behind, and at the same time something red appears in the doorway. It is the coats of the beadles Kaspersen and Uhlefeldt. They are in full-dress uniform, with white riding breeches, three-cornered hats, yellow gauntlet gloves, and short dress swords. They appear side by side, and make their way through the crowd, which falls back before them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They move like fate: silent, resolved, inexorable, not looking to right or left, with gaze directed toward the ground. They take, according to instructions, the route marked out by the election. And it is &lt;i&gt;not&lt;/i&gt; in the direction of Sand Street! They have turned to the right&#8212;they are going down Broad Street!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The lady in the veil cannot believe her eyes. However, all about her, people are seeing just what she sees; they are pushing on after the beadles, and saying to each other: &#8220;It isn't Hagenstr&#246;m, it's Buddenbrook!&#8221; And a group of gentlemen emerge from the portal, in excited conversation, and hurry with rapid steps down Broad Street, to be the first to offer congratulations.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then the lady holds her cloak together and runs for it. She runs, indeed, as seldom lady runs. Her veil blows up, revealing her flushed face&#8212;no matter for that; and one of her furred goloshes keeps flapping open in the sloppy snow and hindering her frightfully: yet she outruns them all! She gains the house at the corner of Bakers' Street, she rings the alarm-bell at the vestibule door&#8212;fire, murder, thieves!&#8212;she shouts at the maid who opens: &#8220;They're coming, Kathrin, they're coming,&#8221; takes the stairs, and storms into the living-room. Her brother himself sits there, certainly a little pale. He puts down his paper and makes a gesture, almost as if to ward her off. But she puts her arms about him, and repeats: &#8220;They're coming, Tom, they're coming! You are the man&#8212;and Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m is out!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That was Friday. On the following day, Senator Buddenbrook stood in the Council Hall, in the seat of the deceased James M&#246;llendorpf, and in the presence of the City Fathers there assembled, and the Delegation of Burgesses, he took the oath: &#8220;I will conscientiously perform the duties of my office, strive with all my power for the good of the State, faithfully obey the Constitution, honourably pursue the public weal, and in the discharge of my office, regard neither my own advantage nor that of my relatives and friends. I will support the laws of the State and do justice on all alike, whether rich or poor. In all things where secrecy is needful, I will not speak, and especially will I not reveal what is given me to keep silent. So help me God!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Our desires and our performance are conditioned by certain needs of our nervous systems which are very hard to define in words. What people called Thomas Buddenbrook's &#8220;vanity&#8221;&#8212;his care for his personal appearance, his extravagant dressing&#8212;was at bottom not vanity but something else entirely. It was, originally, no more than the effort of a man of action to be certain, from head to toe, of the adequacy and correctness of his bearing. But the demands made by himself and by others upon his talents and his capacities were constantly increased. He was overwhelmed by public and private affairs. When the Senate sat to appoint its committees, one of the main departments, the administration of the taxes, fell to his lot. But tolls, railways, and other administrative business claimed his time as well; and he presided at hundreds of committees that called into play all the capacities he possessed: he had to summon every ounce of his flexibility, his foresight, his power to charm, in order not to wound the sensibilities of his elders, to defer constantly to them, and yet to keep the reins in his own hands. If his so-called vanity notably increased at the same time, if he felt a greater and greater need to refresh himself bodily, to renew himself, to change his clothing several times a day, all this meant simply that Thomas Buddenbrook, though he was barely thirty-seven years old, was losing his elasticity, was wearing himself out fast.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When good Dr. Grabow begged him to relax a little, he answered, &#8220;Oh, my dear Doctor, I haven't reached that point yet!&#8221; By which he meant that he still had an interminable deal of work to do before he arrived at the goal and could settle back to enjoy himself. The truth was, he hardly believed himself in such a condition. Yet it drove him on, it left him no peace. Even when he seemed to rest, as he sat with the paper after dinner, a thousand ideas whirled about in his brain, while the veins stood out on his temples, and he twisted the ends of his moustaches with a certain still intensity of passion. He concentrated with equal violence whether the subject of his thought was a business man&#339;uvre, a public speech, or a decision to renew his entire stock of body linen, in order to be sure that he had enough, for a while, at least.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If such wholesale buying afforded him passing relief and satisfaction, he could indulge himself in it without scruple, for his business at this time was as brilliant as ever it had been in his grandfather's day. The repute of the firm grew, not only in the town but round about, and throughout the whole community he continued to be held in ever greater regard. His talents were admitted on all hands, with admiration or envy as the case might be; while he himself wrestled ceaselessly, at times despairingly, to evolve an order and method of work which should enable him to overtake the flights of his own restless imagination.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus, when, in the summer of 1863, Senator Buddenbrook went about with his mind full of plans for the building of a great new house, it was not arrogance which impelled him. He was driven by his own inability to be quiet&#8212;which his fellow-burghers would have been right in ascribing to his &#8220;vanity&#8221;&#8212;for it was another manifestation of the same thing. To make a new home, and a radical change in his outward life; to pack up, to re-install himself afresh, to weed out all the accumulations of bygone years and set aside everything old or superfluous: all this, even in imagination, gave him feelings of freshness, newness, spotlessness, stimulation. All of which he must have craved indeed, for he attacked the plan with great enthusiasm, and already had his eye on a suitable location.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a property of considerable extent at the lower end of Fishers' Lane. The house, grey with age, in bad repair, was offered for sale on the death of its owner, an ancient spinster, the relic of a forgotten family, who had dwelt there alone. On this piece of land the Senator thought to build his house; and he surveyed it with a speculative eye when he passed the spot on his way to the harbour. The neighbourhood was pleasant enough&#8212;good burgher-houses, the most modest among them being the narrow little fa&#231;ade opposite, with a small flower-shop on the ground floor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He threw himself into the affair. He made a rough estimate of the expense involved, and though the sum he fixed provisionally was by no means a small one, he felt he could compass it without undue effort. But then he would suddenly have the thought that the whole thing was a senseless folly, and confess to himself that his present house had plenty of room for himself, his wife, their child, and their servants. But the half-conscious cravings were stronger; and in the desire to have them strengthened and justified from outside, he first revealed his plan to his sister.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Tony, what do you say to it? The whole house is a sort of hand-box, isn't it?&#8212;and the winding stair is really a joke. It isn't quite the thing, is it? and now that you've had me made Senator&#8212;in a word, don't you think I owe it to myself?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ah, in the eyes of Madame Permaneder, what was there he did not owe to himself? She was full of practical enthusiasm. She crossed her arms on her breast and walked up and down with her shoulders raised and her head in the air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course you do, Tom; goodness gracious, yes! What possible objection could there be? And when you have married an Arnoldsen, with a hundred thousand thaler to boot&#8212; I'm very proud to be the first you've told it to. It was lovely of you. And if you do do it, Tom, why, you must do it well, that's what I say. It must be grand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;H'm, well, yes, I agree with you. I'm willing to spend something on it. I'll have Voigt, and we'll go over the plans together. Voigt has a great deal of taste.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The second opinion which Thomas called in was Gerda's. She praised the idea unreservedly. The confusion of moving would not be pleasant, but the prospect of a large music-room with good acoustic properties impressed her most happily. As for the old Frau Consul, she was quite prepared to think of the new house as a logical consequence of all the other blessings which had fallen to her lot, and to give thanks to God therefor, accordingly. Since the birth of the heir, and the recent election, she gave freer expression to her motherly pride, and had a way of saying &#8220;my son, the Senator,&#8221; which the Broad Street Buddenbrooks found most offensive.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
These aging spinsters felt that all too little shadow set off the sunshine through which Thomas's outward life ran its brilliant course. It was no great consolation&#8212;at the Thursday family gatherings&#8212;to pour contempt on poor, good-natured Clothilde. As for Christian&#8212;Christian, through the good offices of Mr. Richardson, his former chief, had found a situation in London, whence he had lately telegraphed a fantastic desire to marry Fr&#228;ulein Puvogel, an idea upon which his mother had firmly set her foot&#8212;Christian now belonged, quite simply, to Jacob Kr&#246;ger's class, and was, as it were, a dead issue. They consoled themselves, to some extent, with the little weaknesses of the old Frau Consul and Frau Permaneder. They would bring the conversation round to the subject of coiffures: the Frau Consul was capable of saying, in the blandest way, that she always wore &#8220;her&#8221; hair very simply, whereas it was plain to any one gifted by God with intelligence, and certainly to the Misses Buddenbrook, that the immutable red-blonde hair under the old lady's cap could no longer by any stretch be called &#8220;her&#8221; hair. Still more gratifying was it to get Cousin Tony started on the subject of those nefarious persons who had formerly had an influence on her life. Teary Trietschke! Gr&#252;nlich! Permaneder! Hagenstr&#246;m!&#8212;Tony, when she was egged on to it, would utter these names into the air like so many little trumpetings of disgust, with her shoulders well up. They had a sweet sound in the ears of the daughters of Uncle Gotthold.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They could not dissimulate, and they would accept no responsibility for omitting to say that little Johann was frightfully slow about learning to walk and talk. They were really quite right: it was an admitted fact that Hanno&#8212;this was the nickname adopted by the Frau Senator for her son&#8212;at a time when he was able to call all the members of his family by name with fair correctness, was incapable of pronouncing the names Friederike, Henriette, and Pfiffi so that any one could understand what he said. And at fifteen months he had not taken a single step alone. The Misses Buddenbrook, shaking their heads pessimistically, declared that the child would be halt and tongue-tied to the end of his days.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They later admitted the error of their gloomy prophecy; but nobody, in fact, denied that Hanno was a little backward. His early infancy was a struggle for life, and his family was in constant anxiety. At birth he had been too feeble to cry out; and soon after the christening a three-day attack of cholera-infantum was almost enough to still for ever the little heart set pumping, in the first place, with such difficulty. But he survived; and good Dr. Grabow did his best, by the most painstaking care and nourishment, to strengthen him for the difficult period of teething. The first tiny white point had barely pricked through the gum, when the child was attacked by convulsions, which repeated themselves with greater and greater violence, until again the worst was to be feared. Once more the old doctor speechlessly pressed the parents' hands. The child lay in profound exhaustion, and the vacant look in the shadowy eyes indicated an affection of the brain. The end seemed almost to be wished for.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Hanno regained some little strength, consciousness returned; and though the crisis which he had survived greatly hindered his progress in walking and talking, there was no longer any immediate danger to be feared.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The child was slender of limb, and rather tall for his age. His hair, pale brown and very soft, began to grow rapidly, and fell waving over the shoulders of his full, pinafore-like frocks. The family likenesses were abundantly clear, even now. From the first he possessed the Buddenbrook hand, broad, a little too short, but finely articulated, and his nose was precisely the nose of his father and great-grandfather, though the nostrils would probably remain more delicate. But the whole lower part of his face, longish and narrow, was neither Buddenbrook nor Kr&#246;ger, but from the mother's side of the house. This was true of the mouth in particular, which, when closed, began very early to wear an anxious, woebegone expression that later matched the look of his strange, gold-brown, blue-shadowed eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So he began to live: brooded over by his father's reserved tenderness, clothed and nurtured under his mother's watchful eye; prayed over by Aunt Antonie, presented with tops and hobby-horses by the Frau Consul and Uncle Justus; and when his charming little perambulator appeared on the streets, it was looked after with interest and expectation. Madame Decho, the stately nurse, had attended the child up to now; but it had been settled that when they moved into the new house, not she, but Ida Jungmann, should move in with them, and the latter's place with the old Frau Consul be filled by somebody else.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Senator Buddenbrook carried out his plans. He had no difficulty in obtaining title to the property in Fishers' Lane. The Broad Street house was turned over to Gosch the broker, who dramatically declared himself prepared to assume the task of disposing of it. Stephan Kistenmaker, who had a growing family, and, with his brother Eduard, made good money in the wine business, bought it at once. Herr Voigt undertook the new building, and soon there was a clean plan to unroll before the eyes of the family on Thursday afternoons, when they could, in fancy, see the fa&#231;ade already before them: an imposing brick fa&#231;ade with sandstone caryatides supporting the bow-window, and a flat roof, of which Clothilde remarked, in her pleasant drawl, that one might drink afternoon coffee there. The Senator planned to transfer the business offices to his new building, which would, of course, leave empty the ground floor of the house in Meng Street. But here also things turned out well: for it appeared that the City Fire Insurance Company wanted to rent the rooms by the month for their offices&#8212;which was quickly arranged.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Autumn came, and the grey walls crumbled to heaps of rubbish, and Thomas Buddenbrook's new house rose above its roomy cellars, while winter set in and slowly waned again. In all the town there was no pleasanter topic of conversation. It was &#8220;tip-top&#8221;&#8212;it was the finest dwelling-house far and wide. But it must cost like the deuce&#8212;the old Consul would never have spent money so recklessly. Thus the neighbours, the middle-class dwellers in the gabled houses, looking out at the workmen on the scaffoldings, enjoying the sight of the rising walls, and speculating on the date of the carpenters' feast.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It came at length, and was celebrated with due circumstance. Up on the flat-topped roof an old master mason made the festal speech and flung the champagne bottle over his shoulder, while the tremendous wreath, woven of roses, green garlands, and gay-coloured leaves, swayed between standards, heavily in the breeze. The workmen's feast was held at a neighbouring inn, at long tables, with beer, sandwiches, and cigars; and Senator Buddenbrook and his wife and his little son on Madame Decho's arm, walked through the narrow space between the tables and bowed his thanks at the cheers they gave him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When they got outside, they put little Hanno back into his carriage, and Thomas and Gerda crossed the road to have another look at the red fa&#231;ade with the white caryatides. They stood before the flower-shop with the narrow door and the poor little show-window, in which only a few pots of onions stood on a green glass slab. Iwersen, the proprietor, a blond giant of a man, in a woollen jacket, was in the doorway with his wife. She was of a quite different build, slender and delicate, with a dark, southern-looking face. She held a four- or five-year-old boy by one hand, while with the other she was pushing a little carriage back and forth, in which a younger child lay asleep; and she was plainly expecting a third blessing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Iwersen made a low, awkward bow; his wife, continuing to push the little carriage back and forth, looked calmly and observantly at the Frau Senator with her narrow black eyes, as the lady approached them on her husband's arm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas paused and pointed with his walking-stick at the great garland far above them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You did a good job, Iwersen,&#8221; said he.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Herr Sen'tor. That's the wife's work. She's the one fer these affairs.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh,&#8221; said the Senator, raised his head with a little jerk, and gave, for a second, a clear friendly look straight into Frau Iwersen's face. Then, without adding a word, he courteously waved his hand, and they moved on their way.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;One Sunday at the beginning of July&#8212;Senator Buddenbrook had moved some four weeks before&#8212;Frau Permaneder appeared at her brother's house toward evening. She crossed the cool ground floor, paved with flags and decorated with reliefs by Thorwaldsen, whence there was a door leading into the bureau; she rang at the vestibule door&#8212;it could be opened from the kitchen by pressing on a rubber bulb&#8212;and entered the spacious lobby, where, at the foot of the steps, stood the bear presented by Tiburtius and Clara. Here she learned from Anton that the Senator was still at work.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very good, Anton,&#8221; she said. &#8220;I will go to him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yet she did not go at once into the office, but passed the door that led into it and stood at the bottom of the splendid staircase, which as far as the first storey had a cast-iron balustrade, but at the distance of the second storey became a wide pillared balcony in white and gold, with a great gilt chandelier hanging down from the skylight's dizzy height.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very elegant,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder, softly, in a tone of great satisfaction, gazing up into this spacious magnificence. To her it meant, quite simply, the power, the brilliance, and the triumph of the Buddenbrook family. But now it occurred to her that she was not, in fact, come upon a very cheerful errand, and she slowly turned away and passed through the door into the office.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas sat there quite alone, in his place by the window, writing a letter. He glanced up, raised an eyebrow, and put out his hand to his sister.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;'Evening, Tony. What's the good word?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, nothing very good, Tom. Oh, your staircase&#8212;it's just &lt;i&gt;too&lt;/i&gt; splendid! Why are you sitting here writing in the dark?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was a pressing letter. Well&#8212;nothing very good, eh? Come into the garden, a little. It is pleasanter out there.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As they crossed the entry, a violin adagio came trillingly down from the storey above.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen,&#8221; said Tony, and paused a moment. &#8220;Gerda is playing. How heavenly! What a woman! She isn't a woman, she's a fairy. How is Hanno, Tom?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just having his supper, with Jungmann. Too bad he is so slow about walking&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, that will come, Tom, that will come. Are you pleased with Ida?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They crossed the flags at the back, leaving the kitchen on the right, went through a glass door and up two steps into the lovely, scented flower-garden.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well?&#8221; the Senator asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was warm and still. The fragrance from the neat beds and borders hung in the evening air, and the fountain, surrounded by tall pale purple iris, sent its stream gently plashing heavenward, where the first stars began to gleam. In the background, an open flight of steps flanked by low obelisks, led up to a gravelled terrace, with an open wooden pavilion, a closed marquee, and some garden chairs. On the left hand was the property wall between them and the next garden; on the right the side-wall of the next house was covered with a wooden trellis intended for climbing plants. There were a few currant and gooseberry bushes at the sides of the terrace steps, but there was only one tree, a large, gnarled walnut by the left-hand wall.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The thing is this,&#8221; answered Frau Permaneder, with some hesitation, as the brother and sister began to pace the gravel path of the fore part of the garden. &#8220;Tiburtius has written&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Clara?&#8221; questioned Thomas. &#8220;Please don't make a long story of it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tom. She is in bed; she is very bad&#8212;the doctor is afraid of tuberculosis&#8212;of the brain.&#8212;I can hardly speak the words. Here is the letter Tiburtius wrote me, and enclosed another for Mother, which we are to give her when we have prepared her a little. It tells the same story. And there is this second enclosure, to Mother, from Clara herself&#8212;written in pencil, in a shaky hand. And Tiburtius wrote that she herself said they were the last she should write, for it seems the sad thing is she makes no effort to live. She was always longing for Heaven&#8212;&#8221; finished Frau Permaneder, and wiped her eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator walked at her side, his hands behind his back, his head bowed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are so quiet, Tom. But you are right&#8212;what is there to say? Just now, too, when Christian lies ill in Hamburg&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For this was, in fact, the state of things. Christian's &#8220;misery&#8221; in the left side had increased so much of late that it had become actual pain, severe enough to make him forget all smaller woes. He was quite helpless, and had written to his mother from London that he was coming home, for her to take care of him. He quit his situation in London and started off; but at Hamburg had been obliged to take to his bed; the doctor diagnosed his ailment as rheumatism of the joints, and he had been removed from his hotel to a hospital. Any further journey was for the time impossible. There he lay, and dictated to his attendant letters that betrayed extreme depression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; said the Senator, quietly. &#8220;It seems as if one thing just followed on another.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She put her arm for an instant across his shoulders.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But&lt;i&gt;you&lt;/i&gt; musn't give way, Tom. This is no time for you to be down-hearted. You need all your courage&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, God knows I need it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean, Tom? Tell me, why were you so quiet Thursday afternoon at dinner, if I may ask?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh&#8212;business, my child. I had to sell no very small quantity of grain not very advantageously&#8212;or, rather, I had to sell a large quantity very much at a loss.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, that happens, Tom. You sell at a loss to-day, and to-morrow you make it good again. To get discouraged over a thing of that kind&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wrong, Tony,&#8221; he said, and shook his head. &#8220;My courage does not go down to zero because I have a piece of bad luck. It's the other way on. I believe in that, and events show it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what is the matter with it, then?&#8221; she asked, surprised and alarmed. &#8220;One would think you have enough to make you happy, Tom. Clara is alive, and with God's help she will get better. And as for everything else&#8212;here we are, walking about, in your own garden, and it all smells so sweet&#8212;and yonder is your house, a dream of a house&#8212;Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m's is a dog-kennel beside it! And you have done all that&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it is almost too beautiful, Tony. I'll tell you&#8212;it is too new. It jars on me a little&#8212;perhaps that is what is the matter with me. It may be responsible for the bad mood that comes over me and spoils everything. I looked forward immensely to all this; but the anticipation was the best part of it&#8212;it always is. Everything gets done too slowly&#8212;so when it is finished the pleasure is already gone.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The pleasure is gone, Tom? At your age?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A man is as young, or as old, as he feels. And when one gets one's wish too late, or works too hard for it, it comes already weighted with all sorts of small vexatious drawbacks&#8212;with all the dust of reality upon it, that one did not reckon with in fancy. It is so irritating&#8212;so &lt;i&gt;irritating&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh yes.&#8212;But what do you mean by &#8216;as old as you feel'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, Tony&#8212;it is a mood, certainly. It may pass. But just now I feel older than I am. I have business cares. And at the Directors' meeting of the Buchen Railway yesterday, Consul Hagenstr&#246;m simply talked me down, refuted my contentions, nearly made me appear ridiculous. I feel that could not have happened to me before. It is as though something had begun to slip&#8212;as though I haven't the firm grip I had on events.&#8212;What is success? It is an inner, an indescribable force, resourcefulness, power of vision; a consciousness that I am, by my mere existence, exerting pressure on the movement of life about me. It is my belief in the adaptability of life to my own ends. Fortune and success lie with ourselves. We must hold them firmly&#8212;deep within us. For as soon as something begins to slip, to relax, to get tired, &lt;i&gt;within us&lt;/i&gt;, then everything without us will rebel and struggle to withdraw from our influence. One thing follows another, blow after blow&#8212;and the man is finished. Often and often, in these days, I have thought of a Turkish proverb; it says, &#8216;When the house is finished, death comes.' It doesn't need to be death. But the decline, the falling-off, the beginning of the end. You know, Tony,&#8221; he went on, in a still lower voice, putting his arm underneath his sister's, &#8220;when Hanno was christened, you said: &#8216;It looks as if quite a new life would dawn for us all!' I can still hear you say it, and I thought then that you were right, for I was elected Senator, and was fortunate in my business, and this house seemed to spring up out of the ground. But the &#8216;Senator' and this house are superficial after all. I know, from life and from history, something you have not thought of: often, the outward and visible material signs and symbols of happiness and success only show themselves when the process of decline has already set in. The outer manifestations take time&#8212;like the light of that star up there, which may in reality be already quenched, when it looks to us to be shining its brightest.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He ceased to speak, and they walked for a while in silence, while the fountain gently murmured, and a whispering sounded from the top of the walnut tree. Then Frau Permaneder breathed such a heavy sigh that it sounded like a sob.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How sadly you talk, Tom. You never spoke so sadly before. But it is good to speak out, and it will help you to put all that kind of thoughts out of your mind.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tony, I must try to do that, I know, as well as I can. And now give me the enclosures from Clara and the Pastor. It will be best, won't it, for me to take over the matter, and speak to-morrow morning with Mother? Poor Mother! If it is really tuberculosis, one may as well give up hope.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;You don't even ask me? You go right over my head?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have done as I had to do.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have acted like a distracted person, in a perfectly unreasonable way.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Reason is not the highest thing on earth.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Please don't make phrases. The question is one of the most ordinary justice, which you have most astonishingly ignored.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let me suggest to you, my son, that you yourself are ignoring the duty and respect which you owe to your mother.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I answer you, my dear Mother, by telling you that I have never for a moment forgotten the respect I owe you; but that my attributes as a son became void when I took my father's place as head of the family and of the firm.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I desire you to be silent, Thomas!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I will not be silent, so long as you fail to realize the extent of your own weakness and folly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have a right to dispose of my own property as I choose!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Within the limits of justice and reason.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I could never have believed you would have the heart to wound me like this!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I could never have believed that my own Mother would slap me in the face!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tom! Why, Tom!&#8221; Frau Permaneder's anguished voice got itself a hearing at last. She sat at the window of the landscape-room, wringing her hands, while her brother paced up and down in a state of high excitement, and the Frau Consul, beside herself with angry grief, sat on the sofa, leaning with one hand on its upholstered arm, while the other struck the table to emphasize her words. All three wore mourning for Clara, who was now no longer of this earth; and all three were pale and excited.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was going on? Something amazing, something dreadful, something at which the very actors in the scene themselves stood aghast and incredulous. A quarrel, an embittered disagreement between mother and son!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a sultry August afternoon. Only ten days after the Senator had gently prepared his mother and given her the letters from Clara and Tiburtius, the blow fell, and he had the harder task of breaking to the old lady the news of death itself. He travelled to Riga for the funeral, and returned with his brother-in-law, who spent a few days with the family of his deceased wife, and also visited Christian in the hospital at Hamburg. And now, two days after the Pastor had departed for home, the Frau Consul, with obvious hesitation, made a certain revelation to her son.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One hundred and twenty-seven thousand, five hundred marks current,&#8221; cried he, and shook his clasped hands in front of him. &#8220;If it were the dowry, even! If he wanted to keep the eighty thousand marks! Though, considering there's no heir, even that&#8212;! But to promise him Clara's whole inheritance, right over my head! Without saying aye, yes, or no!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thomas, for our blessed Lord's sake, do me some sort of justice, at least. Could I act otherwise? Tell me, could I? She who has been taken from us, and is now with God, she wrote me from her death-bed, with faltering hand, a pencilled letter. &#8216;Mother,' she wrote, &#8216;we shall see each other no more on this earth, and these are, I know, my dying words to you. With my last conscious thoughts, I appeal to you for my husband. God gave us no children; but when you follow me, let what would have been mine if I had lived go to him to enjoy during his lifetime. Mother, it is my last request&#8212;my dying prayer. You will not refuse it.'&#8212;No, Thomas, I did not refuse it&#8212;I could not. I sent a dispatch to her, and she died in peace.&#8221; The Frau Consul wept violently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you never told me a syllable. Everybody conceals things from me, and acts without my authority,&#8221; repeated the Senator.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Thomas, I have kept silent. For I felt I &lt;i&gt;must&lt;/i&gt; fulfil the last wish of my dying child, and I knew you would have tried to prevent me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes! By God, I would have!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You would have had no right to, for three of my children would have been on my side.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think my opinion has enough weight to balance that of two women and a degenerate fool.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You speak of your brother and sisters as heartlessly as you do to me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Clara was a pious, ignorant woman, Mother. And Tony is a child&#8212;and, anyhow, she knew nothing about the affair at all until now&#8212;or she might have talked at the wrong time, eh? And Christian? Oh, he got Christian's consent, did Tibertius! Who would have thought it of him? Do you know now, or don't you grasp it yet&#8212;what he is, this ingenious pastor? He is a rogue, and a fortune-hunter!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sons-in-law are always rogues,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder, in a hollow voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is a fortune-hunter! What does he do? He travels to Hamburg, and sits down by Christian's bed. He talks to him&#8212;&#8216;Yes,' says Christian, &#8216;yes, Tibertius, God bless you! Have you any idea of the pain I suffer in my left side?'&#8212;Oh, the idiots, the scoundrels! They joined hands against me!&#8221; And the Senator, perfectly beside himself, leaned against the wrought-iron fire-screen and pressed his clenched hands to his temples.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This paroxysm of anger was out of proportion to the circumstances. No, it was not the hundred and twenty-seven thousand marks that had brought him to this unprecedented state of rage. It was rather that his irritated senses connected this case with the series of rebuffs and misfortunes which had lately attended him in both public and private business. Nothing went well any more. Nothing turned out as he intended it should. And now, had it come to this, that in the house of his fathers they &#8220;went over his head&#8221; in matters of the highest importance? That a pastor from Riga could thus bamboozle him behind his back? He could have prevented it if he had only been told! But events had taken their course without him. It was this which he felt could not have happened earlier&#8212;would not have dared to happen earlier! Again his faith tottered&#8212;his faith in himself, his luck, his power, his future. And it was nothing but his own inward weakness and despair that broke out in this scene before mother and sister.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder stood up and embraced her brother. &#8220;Tom,&#8221; she said, &#8220;do control yourself. Try to be calm. You will make yourself ill. Are things so very bad? Tibertius doesn't need to live so very long, perhaps, and the money would come back after he dies. And if you want it to, it can be altered&#8212;can it not be altered, Mamma?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul answered only with sobs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, no,&#8221; said the Consul, pulling himself together, and making a weak gesture of dissent. &#8220;Let it be as it is. Do you think I would carry it into court and sue my own mother, and add a public scandal to the family one? It may go as it is,&#8221; he concluded, and walked lifelessly to the glass door, where he paused and stood.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you need not imagine,&#8221; he said in a suppressed voice, &#8220;that things are going so brilliantly with us. Tony lost eighty thousand marks, and Christian, beside the setting up of fifty thousand that he has run through with, has already had thirty thousand in advance, and will need more, as he is not earning anything, and will have to take a cure at &#214;ynhausen. And now Clara's dowry is permanently lost, and her whole inheritance besides for an indefinite period. And business is poor; it seems to have gone to the devil precisely since the time when I spent more than a hundred thousand marks on my house. No, things are not going well in a family where there are such scenes as this to-day. Let me tell you one thing; if Father were alive, if he were here in this room, he would fold his hands and commend us to the mercy of God.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Wars and rumours of war, billeting and bustle! Prussian officers tread the parquetry floors of Senator Buddenbrook's bel-&#233;tage, kiss the hand of the lady of the house, and frequent the club with Christian, who is back from &#214;ynhausen. In Meng Street Mamsell Severin, Riekchen Severin, the Frau Consul's new companion, helps the maids to drag piles of mattresses into the old garden-house, which is full of soldiers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Confusion, disorder, and suspense reign. Troops march off through the gate, new ones come in. They overrun the town; they eat, sleep, fill the ears of the citizens with the noise of rolling drums, commands, and trumpet calls&#8212;and march off again. Royal princes are f&#234;ted, entry follows entry. Then quiet again&#8212;and suspense.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the late autumn and winter the victorious troops return. Again they are billeted in the town for a time, are mustered out and go home&#8212;to the great relief of the cheering citizens. Peace comes&#8212;the brief peace, heavy with destiny, of the year 1865.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And between two wars, little Johann played. Unconscious and tranquil, with his soft curling hair and voluminous pinafore frocks, he played in the garden by the fountain, or in the little gallery partitioned off for his use by a pillared railing from the vestibule of the second storey&#8212;played the plays of his four and a half years&#8212;those plays whose meaning and charm no grown person can possibly grasp: which need no more than a few pebbles, or a stick of wood with a dandelion for a helmet, since they command the pure, powerful, glowing, untaught and unintimidated fancy of those blissful years before life touches us, when neither duty nor remorse dares to lay upon us a finger's weight, when we may see, hear, laugh, dream, and feel amazement, when the world yet makes upon us not one single demand; when the impatience of those whom we should like so much to love does not yet torment us for evidence of our ability to succeed in the impending struggle. Ah, only a little while, and that struggle will be upon us&#8212;and they will do their best to bend us to their will and cut us to their pattern, to exercise us, to lengthen us, to shorten us, to corrupt us....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Great things happened while little Hanno played. The war flamed up, and its fortunes swayed this way and that, then inclined to the side of the victors; and Hanno Buddenbrook's native city, which had shrewdly stuck to Prussia, looked on not without satisfaction at wealthy Frankfort, which had to pay with her independence for her faith in Austria.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But with the failure in July of a large firm of Frankfort wholesale dealers, immediately before the armistice, the firm of Johann Buddenbrook lost at one fell sweep the round sum of twenty thousand thaler.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTEIGHT&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART EIGHT&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When Herr Hugo Weinschenk&#8212;in his buttoned-up frock-coat, with his drooping lower lip and his narrow black moustaches, which grew, in the most masculine way imaginable, right into the corners of his mouth; with both his fists held out in front of him, and making little motions with his elbows at about the height of his waist&#8212;when Herr Hugo Weinschenk, now for some time Director of the City Fire Insurance Company, crossed the great entry in Meng Street and passed, with a swinging, pompous stride, from his front to his back office, he gave an impressive impersonation of an energetic and prosperous man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Erica Gr&#252;nlich, on the other hand, was now twenty years old: a tall, blooming girl, fresh-coloured and pretty, full of health and strength. If chance took her up or down the stairs just as Herr Weinschenk passed that way&#8212;and chance did this not seldom&#8212;the Director took off his top-hat, displaying his short black hair, which was already greying at the temples, minced rather more than ever at the waist of his frock-coat, and greeted the young girl with an admiring glance from his bold and roving brown eye. Whereat Erica ran away, sat down somewhere in a window, and wept for hours out of sheer helpless confusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fr&#228;ulein Gr&#252;nlich had grown up under Therese Weichbrodt's care and correction: her thoughts did not fly far afield. She wept over Herr Weinschenk's top-hat, the way he raised his eyebrows at sight of her and let them fall; over his regal bearing and his balancing fists. Her mother, Frau Permaneder, saw further.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her daughter's future had troubled her for years; for Erica was at a disadvantage compared with other young girls of her age. Frau Permaneder not only did not go into society, she was actually at war with it. The conviction that the &#8220;best people&#8221; thought slightingly of her because of her two divorces, had become almost a fixed idea; and she read contempt and aversion where probably there was only indifference. Consul Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m, for instance, simple and liberal-minded man that he was, would very likely have been perfectly glad to greet her on the street; his money had only increased his joviality and good nature. But she stared, with her head flung back, past his &#8220;goose-liver-pat&#233;&#8221; face, which, to use her own strong language, she &#8220;hated like the plague&#8221;&#8212;and her look, of course, distinctly forbade him. So Erica grew up outside her uncle's social circle; she frequented no balls, and had small chance of meeting eligible young gentlemen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yet it was Frau Antonie's most ardent hope, especially after she herself had &#8220;failed in business,&#8221; as she said, that her daughter might realize her own unfulfilled dream of a happy and advantageous marriage, which should redound to the glory of the family and sink the mother's failure in final oblivion. Tony longed for this beyond everything, and chiefly now for her brother's sake, who had latterly shown so little optimism, as a sign to him that the luck of the family was not yet lost, that they were by no means &#8220;at the end of their rope.&#8221; Her second dowry, the eighteen thousand thaler so magnanimously returned by Herr Permaneder, lay waiting for Erica; and directly Frau Antonie's practiced glance marked the budding tenderness between her daughter and the Director, she began to trouble Heaven with a prayer that Herr Weinschenk might be led to visit them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was. He appeared in the first storey, where he was received by the three ladies, mother, daughter, and granddaughter, talked for ten minutes, and promised to return another day for coffee and more leisurely conversation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This too came to pass, and the acquaintance progressed. The Director was a Silesian by birth. His old father, in fact, still lived in Silesia; but the family seemed not to come into consideration, Hugo being, evidently, a &#8220;self-made man.&#8221; He had the self-consciousness of such men: a not quite native, rather insecure, mistrustful, exaggerated air. His grammar was not perfect, and his conversation was distinctly clumsy. And his countrified frock-coat had shiny spots; his cuffs, with large jet cuff-buttons, were not quite fresh; and the nail on the middle finger of his left hand had been crushed in some accident, and was shrivelled and blackened. The impression, on the whole, was rather unpleasing; yet it did not prevent Hugo Weinschenk from being a highly worthy young man, industrious and energetic, with a yearly salary of twelve thousand marks current; nor from being, in Erica Gr&#252;nlich's eyes, handsome to boot.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder quickly looked him over and summed him up. She talked freely with her mother and the Senator. It was clear to her that here was a case of two interests meeting and complementing each other. Director Weinschenk was, like Erica, devoid of every social connection: the two were thus, in a manner, marked out for each other&#8212;it was plainly the hand of God himself. If the Director, who was nearing the forties, his hair already sprinkled with grey, desired to found a family appropriate to his station and connections, here was an opening for him into one of the best circles in town, calculated to advance him in his calling and consolidate his position. As for Erica's welfare, Frau Permaneder could feel confident that at least her own lot would be out of the question. Herr Weinschenk had not the faintest resemblance to Herr Permaneder; and he was differentiated from Bendix Gr&#252;nlich by his position as an old-established official with a fixed salary&#8212;which, of course, did not preclude a further career.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In a word, much good will was shown on both sides. Herr Weinschenk's visits followed each other in quick succession, and by January&#8212;January of the year 1867&#8212;he permitted himself to make a brief and manly offer for Erica Gr&#252;nlich's hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
From now on he belonged to the family. He came on children's day, and was received civilly by the relatives of his betrothed. He must soon have seen that he did not fit in very well; but he concealed the fact under an increased assurance of manner, while the Frau Consul, Uncle Justus, and the Senator&#8212;though hardly the Broad Street Buddenbrooks&#8212;practised a tactful complaisance toward the socially awkward, hard-working official.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And tact was needed. For pauses would come at the family table, when Director Weinschenk tried to make conversation by asking if &#8220;orange marmalade&#8221; was a &#8220;pudden&#8221;; when he gave out the opinion that Romeo and Juliet was a piece by Schiller; when his manner with Erica's cheek or arm became too roguish. He uttered his views frankly and cheerfully, rubbing his hands like a man whose mind is free from care, and leaning back sidewise against the arm of his chair. Some one always needed to fill in the pause by a sprightly or diverting remark.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He got on best with the Senator, who knew how to steer a safe course between politics and business. His relations with Gerda Buddenbrook were hopeless. This lady's personality put him off to such a degree that he was incapable of finding anything to talk about with her for two minutes on end. The fact that she played the violin made a strong impression upon him; and he finally confined himself, on each Thursday afternoon encounter, to the jovial enquiry, &#8220;Well, how's the fiddle?&#8221; After the third time, however, the Frau Senator refrained from reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian, on the other hand, used to look at his new relative down his nose, and the next day imitate him and his conversation with full details. The second son of the deceased Consul Buddenbrook had been relieved of his rheumatism in &#214;ynhausen; but a certain stiffness of the joints was left, as well as the periodic misery in the left side, where all the nerves were too short, and sundry other ills to which he was heir, as difficulty in breathing and swallowing, irregularity of the heart action, and a tendency to paralysis&#8212;or at least to a fear of it. He did not look like a man at the end of the thirties. His head was entirely bald except for vestiges of reddish hair at the back of the neck and on the temples; and his small round roving eyes lay deeper than ever in their sockets. And his great bony nose and his lean, sallow cheeks were startlingly prominent above his heavy drooping red moustaches. His trousers, of beautiful and lasting English stuff, flapped about his crooked emaciated legs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had come back once more to his mother's house, and had a room on the corridor of the first storey. But he spent more of his time at the club than in Meng Street, for life there was not made any too pleasant for him. Riekchen Severin, Ida Jungmann's successor, who now reigned over the Frau Consul's household and managed the servants, had a peasant's instinct for hard facts. She was a thick-set country-bred creature, with coarse lips and fat red cheeks. She perceived directly that it was not worth while to put herself out for this idle story-teller, who was silly and ill by turns, whom his brother, the Senator&#8212;the real head of the family&#8212;ignored with lifted eyebrows. So she quite calmly neglected Christian's wants. &#8220;Gracious, Herr Buddenbrook,&#8221; she would say, &#8220;you needn't think as I've got time for the likes of you!&#8221; Christian would look at her with his nose all wrinkled up, as if to say &#8220;Aren't you ashamed of yourself?&#8221; and go his stiff-kneed way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you think,&#8221; he said to Tony, &#8220;that I have a candle to go to bed by? Very seldom. I generally take a match.&#8221; The sum his mother could allow him was small. &#8220;Hard times,&#8221; he would say. &#8220;Yes, things were different once. Why, what do you suppose? Sometimes I've had to borrow money for tooth-powder!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Christian!&#8221; cried Frau Permaneder. &#8220;How undignified! And going to bed with a match!&#8221; She was shocked and outraged in her deepest sensibilities&#8212;but that did not mend matters.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The tooth-powder money Christian borrowed from his old friend Andreas Gieseke, Doctor of Civil and Criminal Jurisprudence. He was fortunate in this friendship, and it did him credit; for Dr. Gieseke, though as much of a rake as Christian, knew how to keep his dignity. He had been elected Senator the preceding winter, for Dr. &#214;verdieck had sunk gently to his long rest, and Dr. Langhals sat in his place. His elevation did not affect Andreas Gieseke's mode of life. Since his marriage with Fr&#228;ulein Huneus, he had acquired a spacious house in the centre of the town; but as everybody knew, he also owned a certain comfortable little vine-clad villa in the suburb of St. Gertrude, which was charmingly furnished, and occupied quite alone by a still young and uncommonly pretty person of unknown origin. Above the house door, in ornamental gilt lettering, was the word &#8220;Quisisana,&#8221; by which name the retired little dwelling was known throughout the town, where they pronounced it with a very soft &lt;i&gt;s&lt;/i&gt; and a very broad &lt;i&gt;a&lt;/i&gt;. Christian Buddenbrook, as Senator Gieseke's best friend, had obtained entry into Quisisana, and been successful there, as formerly with Aline Puvogel in Hamburg, and on other occasions in London, Valparaiso, and sundry other parts of the world. He &#8220;told a few stories,&#8221; and was &#8220;a little friendly&#8221;; and now he visited the little vine-clad house on the same footing as Senator Gieseke himself. Whether this happened with the latter's knowledge and consent, is of course doubtful. What is certain is, that Christian found there, without money and without price, the same friendly relaxation as Dr. Gieseke, who, however, had to pay for the same with his wife's money.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A short time after the betrothal of Hugo Weinschenk and Erica Gr&#252;nlich, the Director proposed to his relative that he should enter the Insurance office; and Christian actually worked for two weeks in the service of the Company. But the misery in his side began to get worse, and his other, indefinable ills as well; and the Director proved to be a domineering superior, who did not hesitate, on the occasion of a little misunderstanding, to call his relative a booby. So Christian felt constrained to leave this post too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Permaneder, at this period of the family's history, was in such a joyful mood that her happiness found vent in shrewd observations about life: how, when all was said and done, it had its good side. Truly, she bloomed anew in these weeks; and their invigorating activity, the manifold plans, the search for suitable quarters, and the feverish preoccupation with furnishings brought back with such force the memories of her first betrothal that she could not but feel young again&#8212;young and boundlessly hopeful. Much of the graceful high spirits of girlhood returned to her ways, and movements; indeed, she profaned the mood of one entire Jerusalem evening by such uncontrollable hilarity that even Lea Gerhardt let the book of her ancestor fall in her lap and stared about the room with the great, innocent, startled eyes of the deaf.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Erica was not to be parted from her mother. The Director agreed&#8212;nay, it was even his wish,&#8212;that Frau Antonie should live with the Weinschenks, at least at first, and help the inexperienced Erica with her housekeeping. And it was precisely this which called up in her the most priceless feeling, as though no Bendix Gr&#252;nlich or Alois Permaneder had ever existed, and all the trials, disappointments, and sufferings of her life were as nothing, and she might begin anew and with fresh hopes. She bade Erica be grateful to God, who bestowed upon her the one man of her desire, whereas the mother had been obliged to offer up her first and dearest choice on the altar of duty and reason. It was Erica's name which, with a hand trembling with joy, she inscribed in the family book next the Director's. But she, Tony Buddenbrook, was the real bride. It was she who might once more ransack furniture and upholstery shops and test hangings and carpets with a practised hand; she who once more found and rented a truly &#8220;elegant&#8221; apartment. It was she who was once more to leave the pious and roomy parental mansion and cease to be a divorced wife; she who might once more lift her head and begin a new life, calculated to arouse general remark and enhance the prestige of the family. Even&#8212;was it a dream?&#8212;dressing-gowns appeared upon the horizon: two dressing-gowns, for Erica and herself, of soft, woven stuff, with close rows of velvet trimming from neck to hem!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The weeks fled by&#8212;the last weeks of Erica Gr&#252;nlich's maidenhood. The young pair had made calls in only a few houses; for the Director, a serious and preoccupied man, with no social experience, intended to devote what leisure he had to intimate domesticity. There was a betrothal dinner in the great salon of the house in Fishers' Lane, at which, besides Thomas and Gerda, there were present the bridal pair and Henriette, Friederike and Pfiffi Buddenbrook, and some close friends of the Senator; and the Director continually pinched the bare shoulders of his fianc&#233;e, rather to the disgust of the other guests. And the wedding day drew near.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The marriage was solemnized in the columned hall, as on that other occasion when it was Frau Gr&#252;nlich who wore the myrtle. Frau Stuht from Bell-Founders' Street, the same who moved in the best circles, helped to arrange the folds of the bride's white satin gown and pin on the decorations. The Senator gave away the bride, supported by Christian's friend Senator Gieseke, and two school friends of Erica's acted as bridesmaids. Director Hugo Weinschenk looked imposing and manly, and only trod once on Erica's flowing veil on the way to the improvised altar. Pastor Pringsheim held his hands clasped beneath his chin, and performed the service with his accustomed air of sweet exaltation; and everything went off with dignity and according to rule. When the rings were exchanged, and the deep and the treble &#8220;yes&#8221; sounded in the hush (both a trifle husky), Frau Permaneder, overpowered by the past, the present, and the future, burst into audible sobs: just the unthinking, unembarrassed tears of her childhood. And the sisters Buddenbrook&#8212;Pfiffi, in honour of the day, was wearing a gold chain to her pince-nez&#8212;smiled a little sourly, as always on such occasions. But Mademoiselle Weichbrodt, who had grown shorter with the lengthening years, and had the oval brooch with the miniature of her mother around her thin neck&#8212;Sesemi said, with the disproportionate solemnity which hides deep emotion: &#8220;Be happy, you good che-ild!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Followed a banquet, as solemn as solid, beneath the eyes of the white Olympians, looking down composedly from their blue background. As it drew toward its end, the newly wedded pair disappeared, to begin their wedding journey, which was to include visits to several large cities. All this was at the middle of April; and in the next two weeks, Frau Permaneder, assisted by the upholsterer Jacobs, accomplished one of her masterpieces: she moved into and settled the spacious first storey which she had rented in a house half-way down Baker Alley. There, in a bower of flowers, she welcomed the married pair on their return.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And thus began Tony Buddenbrook's third marriage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, this was really the right way to put it. The Senator himself, one Thursday afternoon when the Weinschenks were not present, had called it that, and Frau Permaneder quite relished the joke. All the cares of the new household fell upon her, but she reaped her reward in pride and pleasure. One day she happened to meet on the street Frau Consul Julchen M&#246;llendorpf, born Hagenstr&#246;m, into whose face she looked with a challenging, triumphant glance; it actually dawned upon Frau M&#246;llendorpf that she had better speak first, and she did. Tony waxed so important in her pride and joy, when she showed off the new house to visiting relatives, that little Erica, beside her, seemed but a guest herself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Antonie displayed the house to their guests, the train of her morning gown dragging behind her, her shoulders up and her head thrown back, carrying on her arm the key-basket with its bow of satin ribbon. She displayed the furniture, the hangings, the translucent porcelain, the gleaming silver, the large oil paintings. These last had been purchased by the Director, and were nearly all still-lifes of edibles or nude figures of women, for such was Hugo Weinschenk's taste. Tony's every movement seemed to say: &#8220;See, I have managed all this for the third time in my life! It is almost as fine as Gr&#252;nlich's, and much finer than Permaneder's!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old Frau Consul came, in a black-and-grey striped silk, giving out a discreet odour of patchouli. She surveyed everything with her pale, calm eyes and, without any loud expressions of admiration, professed herself pleased with the effect. The Senator came, with his wife and child; he and Gerda hugely enjoyed Tony's blissful self-satisfaction, and with difficulty prevented her from killing her adored little Johann with currant bread and port wine. The Misses Buddenbrook came, and were unanimously of opinion that it was all very fine&#8212;of course, being modest people themselves, they would not care to live in it. Poor, lean, grey, patient, hungry Clothilde came, submitted to the usual teasing, and drank four cups of coffee, praising everything the while, in her usual friendly drawl. Even Christian appeared now and then, when there was nobody at the club, drank a little glass of Benedictine, and talked about a project he had of opening an agency for champagne and brandy. He knew the business, and it was a light, agreeable job, in which a man could be his own master, write now and then in a notebook, and make thirty thaler by turning over his hand. Then he borrowed a little money from Frau Permaneder to buy a bouquet for the leading lady at the theatre; came, by God knows what train of thought, to Maria and the depravity in London; and then lighted upon the story of the mangy dog that travelled all the way from Valparaiso to San Francisco in a hand-satchel. By this time he was in full swing, and narrated with such gusto, verve, and irresistible drollery that he would have held a large audience spell-bound.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He narrated like one inspired; he possessed the gift of tongues. He narrated in English, Spanish, low German, and Hamburgese; he depicted stabbing affrays in Chile and pick-pocketings in Whitechapel. He drew upon his repertory of comic songs, and half sang, half recited, with incomparable pantomime and highly suggestive gesture:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;I sauntered out one day,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In an idle sort o' way,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And chanced to see a maid, ahead o' me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She'd such a charmin' air,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her back&#8212;was French&#8212;I'd swear,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And she wore her 'at as rakish as could be.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I says, &#8216;My pretty dear,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Since you an' I are 'ere,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Perhaps you'd take me arm and walk along?'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She turned her pretty 'ead,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And looked&#8212;at me&#8212;and said,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8216;You just get on, my lad, and hold your tongue!'&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;From this he went off on an account of a performance at the Renz Circus, in Hamburg, and reproduced a turn by a troupe of English vaudeville artists, in such a way that you felt you were actually present. There was the usual hubbub behind the curtain, shouts of &#8220;Open the door, will you!&#8221; quarrels with the ring-master; and then, in a broad, lugubrious English-German, a whole string of stories: the one about the man who swallowed a mouse in his sleep, and went to the vet., who advised him to swallow a cat; and the one about &#8220;my grandmother&#8212;lively old girl, she was&#8221;&#8212;who, on her way to the railway station, encounters all sorts of adventures, ending with the train pulling out of the station in front of the nose of the &#8220;lively old girl.&#8221; And then Christian broke off with a triumphant &#8220;Orchestra!&#8221; and made as if he had just waked up and was very surprised that no music was forthcoming.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But, quite suddenly, he stopped. His face changed, his motions relaxed. His little deep round eyes began to stray moodily about; he rubbed his left side with his hand, and seemed to be listening to uncanny sounds within himself. He drank another glass of liqueur, which relieved him a little. Then he tried to tell another story, but broke down in a fit of depression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder, who in these days was uncommonly prone to laugh and had enjoyed the performance hugely, accompanied her brother to the door, in rather a prankish mood. &#8220;Adieu, Herr Agent,&#8221; said she. &#8220;Minnesinger&#8212;Ninnysinger! Old goose! Come again soon!&#8221; She laughed full-throatedly behind him and went back into her house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Christian did not mind. He did not even hear her, so deep was he in thought. &#8220;Well,&#8221; he said to himself, &#8220;I'll go over to Quisisana for a bit.&#8221; His hat a little awry, leaning on his stick with the nun's bust for a handle, he went slowly and stiffly down the steps.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In the spring of 1868, one evening towards ten o'clock, Frau Permaneder entered the first story of her brother's house. Senator Buddenbrook sat alone in the living-room, which was done in olive-green rep, with a large round centre-table and a great gas-lamp hanging down over it from the ceiling. He had the &lt;i&gt;Berlin Financial Gazette&lt;/i&gt; spread out in front of him on the table, and was reading it, with a cigarette held between the first and second fingers of his left hand, and a gold pince-nez on his nose&#8212;he had now for some time been obliged to use glasses for reading. He heard his sister's footsteps as she passed through the dining-room, took off his glasses, and peered into the darkness until Tony appeared between the porti&#232;res and in the circle of light from the lamp.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, it is you? How are you? Back from P&#246;ppenrade? How are your friends?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Evening, Tom. Thanks, Armgard is very well. Are you here alone?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; I'm glad you have come. I ate my dinner all alone to-night like the Pope. I don't count Mamsell Jungmann, because she is always popping up to look after Hanno. Gerda is at the Casino. Christian fetched her, to hear Tamayo play the violin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bless and save us&#8212;as Mother says.&#8212;Yes, I've noticed lately that Gerda and Christian get on quite well together.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I have too. Since he came back for good, she seems to have taken to him. She sits and listens to him when he tells about his troubles&#8212;dear me, I suppose he entertains her. She said to me lately: &#8216;There is nothing of the burgher about Christian, Thomas&#8212;he is even less of a burgher than you are, yourself!'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Burgher, Tom? What did she mean? Why, it seems to me there is no better burgher on top of the earth than you are!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well&#8212;she didn't mean it just in that sense. Take off your things and sit down a while, my child. How splendid you look! The country air did you good.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm in very good form,&#8221; she said, as she took off her mantle and the hood with lilac silk ribbons and sat down with dignity in an easy-chair by the table. &#8220;My sleep and my digestion both improved very much in this short time. The fresh milk, and the farm sausages and hams&#8212;one thrives like the cattle and the crops. And the honey, Tom, I have always considered honey one of the very best of foods. A pure nature product&#8212;one knows just what one's eating. Yes, it was really very sweet of Armgard to remember an old boarding-school friendship and send me the invitation. Herr von Maiboom was very polite, too. They urged me to stay a couple of weeks longer, but I know Erica is rather helpless without me, especially now, with little Elisabeth&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How is the child?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Doing nicely, Tom. She is really not bad at all, for four months, even if Henriette and Friederike and Pfiffi did say she wouldn't live.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And Weinschenk? How does he like being a father? I never see him except on Thursdays&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, he is just the same. You know he is a very good, hard-working man, and in a way a model husband; he never stops in anywhere, but comes straight home from the office and spends all his free time with us. But&#8212;you see, Tom&#8212;we can speak quite openly, just between ourselves&#8212;he requires Erica to be always lively, always laughing and talking, because when he comes home tired and worried from the office, he needs cheering up, and his wife must amuse him and divert him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Idiot!&#8221; murmured the Senator.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What? Well, the bad thing about it is, that Erica is a little bit inclined to be melancholy. She must get it from me, Tom. Sometimes she is very serious and quiet and thoughtful; and then he scolds and grumbles and complains, and really, to tell the truth, is not at all sympathetic. You can't help seeing that he is a man of no family, and never enjoyed what one would call a refined bringing-up. To be quite frank&#8212;a few days before I went to P&#246;ppenrade, he threw the lid of the soup-tureen on the floor and broke it, because the soup was too salt.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How charming!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, it wasn't, not at all! But we must not judge. God knows, we are all weak creatures&#8212;and a good, capable, industrious man like that&#8212;Heaven forbid! No, Tom, a rough shell with a sound kernel inside is not the worst thing in this life. I've just come from something far sadder than that, I can tell you! Armgard wept bitterly, when she was alone with me&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't say! Is Herr von Maiboom&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tom&#8212;that is what I wanted to tell you. We sit here visiting, but I really came to-night on a serious and important errand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what is the trouble with Herr von Maiboom?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is a very charming man, Ralf von Maiboom, Thomas; but he is very wild&#8212;a hail-fellow-well-met with everybody. He gambles in Rostock, and he gambles in Warnem&#252;nde, and his debts are like the sands of the sea. Nobody could believe it, just living a couple of weeks at P&#246;ppenrade. The house is lovely, everything looks flourishing, there is milk and sausage and ham and all that, in great abundance. So it is hard to measure the actual situation. But their affairs are in frightful disorder&#8212;Armgard confessed it to me, with heart-breaking sobs.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very sad.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You may well say so. But, as I had already suspected, it turned out that I was not invited over there just for the sake of my &lt;i&gt;beaux yeux&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb21&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;beaux yeux &#8211; beautiful eyes&#034; id=&#034;nh21&#034;&gt;21&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How so?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will tell you, Tom. Herr von Maiboom needs a large sum of money immediately. He knew the old friendship between his wife and me, and he knew that I am your sister. So, in his extremity, he put his wife up to it, and she put me up to it.&#8212;You understand?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator passed his finger-tips across his hair and screwed up his face a little.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think so,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Your serious and important business evidently concerns an advance on the P&#246;ppenrade harvest&#8212;if I am not mistaken. But you have come to the wrong man, I think, you and your friends. In the first place, I have never done any business with Herr von Maiboom, and this would be a rather strange way to begin. In the second place&#8212;though, in the past, Grandfather, Father, and I myself have made advances on occasion to the landed gentry, it was always when they offered a certain security, either personally or through their connections. But to judge from the way you have just characterized Herr von Maiboom and his prospects, I should say there can be no security in his case.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are mistaken, Tom. I have let you have your say, but you are mistaken. It is not a question of an advance, at all. Maiboom has to have thirty-five thousand marks current&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Heavens and earth!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8212;five-and-thirty thousand marks current, to be paid within two weeks. The knife is at his throat&#8212;to be plain, he has to sell at once, immediately.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the blade&#8212;oh, the poor chap!&#8221; The Senator shook his head as he stood, playing with his pince-nez on the table-cloth. &#8220;That is a rather unheard-of thing for our sort of business,&#8221; he went on. &#8220;I have heard of such things, mostly in Hesse, where a few of the landed gentry are in the hands of the Jews. Who knows what sort of cut-throat it is that has poor Herr von Maiboom in his clutches?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Jews? Cut-throats?&#8221; cried Frau Permaneder, astonished beyond measure. &#8220;But it's &lt;i&gt;you&lt;/i&gt; we are talking about, Tom!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook suddenly threw down his pince-nez on the table so that it slid along on top of the newspaper, and turned toward his sister with a jerk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Me?&#8221; he said, but only with his lips, for he made no sound. Then he added aloud: &#8220;Go to bed, Tony. You are tired out.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, Tom, that is what Ida Jungmann used to say to us, when we were just beginning to have a good time. But I assure you I was never wider awake in my life than now, coming over here in the dead of night to make Armgard's offer to you&#8212;or rather, indirectly, Ralf von Maiboom's&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I will forgive you for making a proposal which is the product of your na&#239;vet&#233; and the Maibooms' helplessness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Helplessness? Na&#239;vet&#233;, Thomas? I don't understand you&#8212;I am very far from understanding you. You are offered an opportunity to do a good deed, and at the same time the best stroke of business you ever did in your life&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, my darling child, you are talking the sheerest nonsense,&#8221; cried the Senator, throwing himself back impatiently in his chair. &#8220;I beg your pardon, but you make me angry with your ridiculous innocence. Can't you understand that you are asking me to do something discreditable, to engage in underhand man&#339;uvres? Why should I go fishing in troubled waters? Why should I fleece this poor land-owner? Why should I take advantage of his necessity to do him out of a year's harvest at a usurious profit to myself?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, is that the way you look at it!&#8221; said Frau Permaneder, quite taken aback and thoughtful. But she recovered in a moment and went on: &#8220;But it is not at all necessary to look at it like that, Tom. How are you forcing him, when it is he who comes to you? He needs the money, and would like the matter arranged in a friendly way, and under the rose. That is why he traced out the connection between us, and invited me to visit.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In short, he has made a mistake in his calculations about me and the character of my firm. I have my own traditions. We have been in business a hundred years without touching that sort of transaction, and I have no idea of beginning at this late day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly, Tom, you have your traditions, and nobody respects them more than I do. And I know Father would not have done it&#8212;God forbid! Who says he would? But, silly as I am, I know enough to know that you are quite a different sort of man from Father, and since you took over the business it has been different from what it was before. That is because you were young and had enterprise and brains. But lately I am afraid you have let yourself get discouraged by this or that piece of bad luck. And if you are no longer having the same success you once did, it is because you have been too cautious and conscientious, and let slip your chances for good &lt;i&gt;coups&lt;/i&gt; when you had them&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, my dear child, stop, please; you irritate me!&#8221; said the Senator sharply, and turned away. &#8220;Let us change the subject.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, you are vexed, Tom, I can see it. You were from the beginning, and I have kept on, on purpose, to show you you are wrong to feel yourself insulted. But I know the real reason why you are vexed: it is because you are not so firmly decided not to touch the business. I know I am silly; but I have noticed about myself&#8212;and about other people too&#8212;that we are most likely to get angry and excited in our opposition to some idea when we ourselves are not quite certain of our own position, and are inwardly tempted to take the other side.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very fine,&#8221; said the Senator, bit his cigarette-holder, and was silent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fine? No, it's very simple&#8212;one of the simplest things life has taught me. But let it go, Tom. I won't urge you. Don't imagine that I think I could persuade you&#8212;I know I don't know enough. I'm only a silly female. It's a pity. Well, never mind.&#8212;It interested me very much. On the one hand I was shocked and upset about the Maibooms, but on the other I was pleased for you. I said to myself: &#8216;Tom has been going about lately feeling very down in the mouth. He used to complain, but now he does not even complain any more. He has been losing money, and times are poor&#8212;and all that just now, when God has been good to me, and I am feeling happier than I have for a long time.' So I thought, &#8216;This would be something for him: a stroke of luck, a good &lt;i&gt;coup&lt;/i&gt;. It would offset a good deal of misfortune, and show people that luck is still on the side of the firm of Johann Buddenbrook.' And if you had undertaken it, I should have been so proud to have been the means&#8212;for you know it has always been my dream and my one desire, to be of some good to the family name.&#8212;Well, never mind. It is settled now. What I feel vexed about is that Maiboom has to sell, in any case, and if he looks around in the town here, he will find a purchaser&#8212;and it will be that rascal Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes&#8212;he probably would not refuse it,&#8221; the Senator said bitterly; and Frau Permaneder answered, three times, one after the other: &#8220;You see, you see, you see!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook suddenly began to shake his head and laugh angrily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We are silly. We sit here and work ourselves up&#8212;at least, you do&#8212;over something that is neither here nor there. So far as I know, I have not even asked what the thing is about&#8212;what Herr von Maiboom actually has to sell. I do not know P&#246;ppenrade.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, you would have had to go there,&#8221; she said eagerly. &#8220;It's not far from here to Rostock&#8212;and from there it is no distance at all. And as for what he has to sell&#8212;P&#246;ppenrade is a large estate, I know for a fact that it grows more than a thousand sacks of wheat. But I don't know details. About rye, oats, or barley, there might be five hundred sacks of them, more or less. Everything is of the best, I can say that. But I can't give you any figures, I am such a goose, Tom. You would have to go over.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A pause ensued.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it is not worth wasting words over,&#8221; the Senator said decidedly. He folded his pince-nez and put it into his pocket, buttoned up his coat, and began to walk up and down the room with firm and rapid strides, which studiously betrayed no sign that he was giving the subject any further consideration.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He paused by the table and turned toward his sister, drumming lightly on the surface with his bent forefinger as he said: &#8220;I'll tell you a little story, my dear Tony, which will illustrate my attitude toward this affair. I know your weakness for the nobility, and the Mecklenburg nobility in particular&#8212;please don't mind if one of these gentry gets rapped a bit. You know, there is now and then one among them who doesn't treat the merchant classes with any great respect, though perfectly aware that he can't do without them. Such a man is too much inclined to lay stress on the superiority&#8212;to a certain extent undeniable&#8212;of the producer over the middleman. In short, he sometimes acts as if the merchant were like a peddling Jew to whom one sells old clothes, quite conscious that one is being over-reached. I flatter myself that in my dealings with these gentry I have not usually made the impression of a morally inferior exploiter; to tell the truth, the boot has sometimes been on the other foot&#8212;I've run across men who were far less scrupulous than I am! But in one case, it only needed a single bold stroke to bring me into social relations. The man was the lord of Gross-Poggendorf, of whom you have surely heard. I had considerable dealings with him some while back: Count Strelitz, a very smart-appearing man, with a square eye-glass (I could never make out why he did not cut himself), patent-leather top-boots, and a riding-whip with a gold handle. He had a way of looking down at me from a great height, with his eyes half-shut and his mouth half open. My first visit to him was very telling. We had had some correspondence. I drove over, and was ushered by a servant into the study, where Count Strelitz was sitting at his writing-table. He returns my bow, half gets up, finishes the last lines of a letter; then he turns to me and begins to talk business, looking over the top of my head. I lean on the sofa-table, cross my arms and my legs, and enjoy myself. I stand five minutes talking. After another five minutes, I sit down on the table and swing my leg. We get on with our business, and at the end of fifteen minutes he says to me, very graciously, &#8216;won't you sit down?' &#8216;Beg pardon?' I say. &#8216;Oh, don't mention it&#8212;I've been sitting for some time!'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did you say that? Really?&#8221; cried Frau Permaneder, enchanted. She had straightway forgotten all that had gone before, and lived for the moment entirely in the anecdote.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;I've been sitting for some time'&#8212;oh, that is too good!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and I assure you that the Count altered his tune at once. He shook hands when I came, and asked me to sit down&#8212;in the course of time we became very friendly. But I have told you this in order to ask you if you think I should have the right, or the courage, or the inner self-confidence to behave in the same way to Herr von Maiboom if, when we met to discuss the bargain, he were to forget to offer me a chair?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder was silent. &#8220;Good,&#8221; she said then, and got up. &#8220;You may be right; and, as I said, I'm not going to press you. You know what you must do and what leave undone, and that's an end of it. If you only feel that I spoke in good part&#8212;you do, don't you? All right. Good night, Tom. Or&#8212;no, wait&#8212;I must go and say &#8216;How do you do' to the good Ida and give Hanno a little kiss. I'll look in again on my way out.&#8221; With that she went.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;She mounted the stairs to the second storey, left the little balcony on her right, went along the white-and-gold balustrade and through an ante-chamber, the door of which stood open on the corridor, and from which a second exit to the left led into the Senator's dressing-room. Here she softly turned the handle of the door opposite and went in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was an unusually large chamber, the windows of which were draped with flowered curtains. The walls were rather bare: aside from a large black-framed engraving above Ida's bed, representing Giacomo Meyerbeer surrounded by the characters in his operas, there was nothing but a few English coloured prints of children with yellow hair and little red frocks, pinned to the window hangings. Ida Jungman sat at the large extension-table in the middle of the room, darning Hanno's stockings. The faithful Prussian was now at the beginning of the fifties. She had begun early to grow grey, but her hair had never become quite white, having remained a mixture of black and grey; her erect bony figure was as sturdy, and her brown eyes as bright, clear, and unwearied as twenty years ago.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Ida, you good soul,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder, in a low but lively voice, for her brother's little story had put her in good spirits, &#8220;and how are you, you old stand-by, you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's that, Tony&#8212;stand-by, is it? And how do you come to be here so late?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've been with my brother&#8212;on pressing business. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out.&#8212;Is he asleep?&#8221; she asked, and gestured with her chin toward the little bed on the left wall, its head close to the door that led into the parents' sleeping chamber.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sh-h!&#8221; said Ida. &#8220;Yes, he is asleep.&#8221; Frau Permaneder went on her tip-toes toward the little bed, cautiously raised the curtain, and bent to look down at her sleeping nephew's face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The small Johann Buddenbrook lay on his back, his little face, in its frame of long light-brown hair, turned toward the room. He was breathing softly but audibly into the pillow. Only the fingers showed beneath the too long, too wide sleeves of his nightgown: one of his hands lay on his breast, the other on the coverlet, with the bent fingers jerking slightly now and then. The half-parted lips moved a little too, as if forming words. From time to time a pained expression mounted over the little face, beginning with a trembling of the chin, making the lips and the delicate nostrils quiver and the muscles of the narrow forehead contract. The long dark eyelashes did not hide the blue shadows that lay in the corners of the eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is dreaming,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder, moved.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She bent over the child and gently kissed his slumbering cheek; then she composed the curtains and went back to the table, where Ida, in the golden light from the lamp, drew a fresh stocking over her darning-ball, looked at the hole, and began to fill it in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are darning, Ida&#8212;funny, I can't imagine you doing anything else.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, Tony. The boy tears everything, now he has begun to go to school.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But he is such a quiet, gentle child.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ye-s, he is. But even so&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Does he like going to school?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no-o, Tony. He would far rather have gone on here with me. And I should have liked it better too. The masters haven't known him since he was a baby, the way I have&#8212;they don't know how to take him, when they are teaching him. It is often hard for him to pay attention, and he gets tired so easily&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Poor darling! Have they whipped him yet?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, indeed. Sakes alive, how could they have the heart, if the boy once looked at them&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How was it the first time he went? Did he cry?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, indeed, he did. He cries so easily&#8212;not loud, but sort of to himself. And he held your brother by the coat and begged to be allowed to stop at home&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, my brother took him, did he?&#8212;Yes, that is a hard moment, Ida. I remember it like yesterday. I &lt;i&gt;howled&lt;/i&gt;, I do assure you. I howled like a chained-up dog; I felt dreadfully. And why? Because I had had such a good time at home. I noticed at once that all the children from the nice houses wept, and the others not at all&#8212;they just stared and grinned at us.&#8212;Goodness, what is the matter with him, Ida?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She turned in alarm toward the little bed, where a cry had interrupted her chatter. It was a frightened cry, and it repeated itself in an even more anguished tone the next minute; and then three, four, five times more, one after another. &#8220;Oh, oh, &lt;i&gt;oh&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; It became a loud, desperate protest against something which he saw or which was happening to him. The next moment little Johann sat upright in bed, stammering incomprehensibly, and staring with wide-open, strange golden-brown eyes into a world which he, and he alone, could see.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's nothing,&#8221; said Ida. &#8220;It is the &lt;i&gt;pavor&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb22&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;pavor &#8211; terror&#034; id=&#034;nh22&#034;&gt;22&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. It is sometimes much worse than that.&#8221; She put her work down calmly and crossed the room, with her long heavy stride, to Hanno's bed. She spoke to him in a low, quieting voice, laid him down, and covered him again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I see&#8212;the &lt;i&gt;pavor&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; repeated Frau Permaneder. &#8220;What will he do now? Will he wake up?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Hanno did not waken at all, though his eyes were wide and staring, and his lips still moved.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;In my&#8212;little&#8212;garden&#8212;go&#8212;,'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
said Hanno, mumblingly,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;All&#8212;my&#8212;onions&#8212;water&#8212;'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is saying his piece,&#8221; explained Ida Jungmann, shaking her head. &#8220;There, there, little darling&#8212;go to sleep now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;Little man stands&#8212;stands there&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He begins&#8212;to&#8212;sneeze&#8212;'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sighed. Suddenly his face changed, his eyes half-closed; he moved his head back and forth on the pillow and said in a low, plaintive sing-song:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;The moon it shines,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The baby cries,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The clock strikes twelve,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
God help all suff'ring folk to close their eyes.'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But with the words came so deep a sob that tears rolled out from under his lashes and down his cheeks and wakened him. He put his arms around Ida, looked about him with tear-wet eyes, murmured something in a satisfied tone about &#8220;Aunt Tony,&#8221; turned himself a little in his bed, and then went quietly off to sleep.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How very strange,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder, as Ida sat down at the table once more. &#8220;What was all that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They are in his reader,&#8221; answered Fr&#228;ulein Jungmann. &#8220;It says underneath &#8216;The Boys' Magic Horn.' They are all rather queer. He has been having to learn them, and he talks a great deal about that one with the little man. Do you know it? It is really rather frightening. It is a little dwarf that gets into everything: eats up the broth and breaks the pot, steals the wood, stops the spinning-wheel, teases everybody&#8212;and then, at the end, he asks to be prayed for! It touched the child very much. He has thought about it day in and day out; and two or three times he said: &#8216;You know, Ida, he doesn't do that to be wicked, but only because he is unhappy, and it only makes him more unhappy still.... But if one prays for him, then he does not need to do it any more!' Even to-night, when his Mama kissed him good night before she went to the concert, he asked her to &#8216;pray for the little man.'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And did he pray too?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not aloud, but probably to himself.&#8212;He hasn't said much about the other poem&#8212;it is called &#8216;The Nursery Clock'&#8212;he has only wept. He weeps so easy, poor little lad, and it is so hard for him to stop.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what is there so sad about it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do I know? He has never been able to say any more than the beginning of it, the part that makes him cry in his sleep. And that about the waggoner, who gets up at three from his bed of straw&#8212;that always made him weep too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder laughed emotionally, and then looked serious.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll tell you, Ida, it's no good. It isn't good for him to feel everything so much. &#8216;The waggoner gets up at three from his bed of straw'&#8212;why, of course he does! That's why he is a waggoner. I can see already that the child takes everything too much to heart&#8212;it consumes him, I feel sure. We must speak seriously with Grabow. But there, that is just what it is,&#8221; she went on, folding her arms, putting her head on one side, and tapping the floor nervously with her foot. &#8220;Grabow is getting old; and aside from that, good as he is&#8212;and he really is a very good man, a perfect angel&#8212;so far as his skill is concerned, I have no such great opinion of it, Ida, and may God forgive me if I am wrong. Take this nervousness of Hanno's, his starting up at night and having such frights in his sleep. Grabow knows what it is, and all he does is to tell us the Latin name of it&#8212;pavor nocturnus. Dear knows, that is very enlightening, of course! No, he is a dear good man, and a great friend of the family and all that&#8212;but he is no great light. An important man looks different&#8212;he shows when he is young that there is something in him. Grabow lived through the '48. He was a young man then. Do you imagine he was the least bit thrilled over it&#8212;over freedom and justice, and the downfall of privilege and arbitrary power? He is a cultivated man; but I am convinced that the unheard-of laws concerning the press and the universities did not interest him in the least. He has never behaved even the least little bit wild, never jumped over the traces. He has always had just the same long, mild face, and always prescribed pigeon and French bread, and when anything is serious, a teaspoon of tincture of althaea.&#8212;Good night, Ida. No, I think there are other doctors in the world! Too bad I have missed Gerda. Yes, thanks, there is a light in the corridor. Good night.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Frau Permaneder opened the dining-room door in passing, to call a good night to her brother in the living-room, she saw that the whole storey was lighted up, and that Thomas was walking up and down with his hands behind his back.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The Senator, when he was alone again, sat down at the table, took out his glasses, and tried to resume his reading. But in a few minutes his eyes had roved from the printed page, and he sat for a long time without changing his position, gazing straight ahead of him between the porti&#232;res into the darkness of the salon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His face, when he was alone, changed so that it was hardly recognizable. The muscles of his mouth and cheeks, otherwise obedient to his will, relaxed and became flabby. Like a mask the look of vigour, alertness, and amiability, which now for a long time had been preserved only by constant effort, fell from his face, and betrayed an anguished weariness instead. The tired, worried eyes gazed at objects without seeing them; they became red and watery. He made no effort to deceive even himself; and of all the dull, confused, and rambling thoughts that filled his mind he clung to only one: the single, despairing thought that Thomas Buddenbrook, at forty-three years, was an old, worn-out man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He rubbed his hand over his eyes and forehead, drawing a long, deep breath, mechanically lighted another cigarette, though he knew they were bad for him, and continued to gaze through the smoke-haze into the darkness. What a contrast between that relaxed and suffering face and the elegant, almost military style of his hair and beard! the stiffened and perfumed mustaches, the meticulously shaven cheeks and chin, and the careful hair-dressing which sedulously hid a beginning thinness. The hair ran back in two longish bays from the delicate temples, with a narrow parting on top; over the ears it was not long and waving, but kept short-cut now, in order not to betray how grey it had grown. He himself felt the change and knew it could not have escaped the eyes of others: the contrast between his active, elastic movements and the dull pallor of his face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Not that he was in reality less of an important and indispensable personage than he always had been. His friends said, and his enemies could not deny, that Senator Buddenbrook was the Burgomaster's right hand: Burgomaster Langhals was even more emphatic on that point than his predecessor &#214;verdieck had been. But the firm of Johann Buddenbrook was no longer what it had been&#8212;this seemed to be common property, so much so that Herr Stuht discussed it with his wife over their bacon broth&#8212;and Thomas Buddenbrook groaned over the fact.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the same time, it was true that he himself was mainly responsible. He was still a rich man, and none of the losses he had suffered, even the severe one of the year '66, had seriously undermined the existence of the firm. But the notion that his luck and his consequence had fled, based though it was more upon inward feelings than upon outward facts, brought him to a state of lowness and suspicion. He entertained, of course, as before, and set before his guests the normal and expected number of courses. But, as never before, he began to cling to money and, in his private life, to save in small and petty ways. He had a hundred times regretted the building of his new house, which he felt had brought him nothing but bad luck. The summer holidays were given up, and the little city garden had to take the place of mountains or seashore. The family meals were, by his express and emphatic command, of such simplicity as to seem absurd by contrast with the lofty, splendid dining-room, with its extent of parquetry floors and its imposing oak furniture. For a long time now, there had been dessert only on Sundays. His own appearance was as elegant as ever; but the old servant, Anton, carried to the kitchen the news that the master only changed his shirt now every &lt;i&gt;other&lt;/i&gt; day, as the washing was too hard on the fine linen. He knew more than that. He knew that he was to be dismissed. Gerda protested: three servants were few enough to do the work of so large a house as it should be done. But it was no use: old Anton, who had so long sat on the box when Thomas Buddenbrook drove down to the Senate, was sent away with a suitable present.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Such decrees as these were in harmony with the joyless state of affairs in the firm. That fresh enterprising spirit with which young Thomas Buddenbrook had taken up the reins&#8212;that was all gone, now; and his partner, Herr Friedrich Wilhelm Marcus&#8212;who, with his small capital, could not have had a prepondering influence in any case&#8212;was by nature lacking in initiative.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Marcus' pedantry had so increased in the course of years that it had become a distinct eccentricity. It took him a quarter of an hour of stroking his moustaches, casting side-glances, and giving little coughs, just to cut his cigar and put the tip in his pocket-book. Evenings, when the gas-light made every corner of the office as bright as day, he still used a tallow candle on his own desk. Every half-hour he would get up and go to the tap and put water on his head. One morning there had been an empty sack untidily left under his desk. He took it for a cat and began to shoo it out with loud imprecations, to the joy of the office staff. No, he was not the man to give any quickening impulse to the business in the face of his partner's present lassitude. Mortification and a sort of desperate irritation often seized upon the Senator: as now, when he sat and stared wearily into the darkness, bringing home to himself the petty retail transactions and the pennywise policies to which the firm of Johann Buddenbrook had lately sunk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But, after all, was it not best thus? Misfortune too has its time, he thought. Is it not better, while it holds sway, to keep oneself still, to wait in quiet and assemble one's inner powers? Why must this proposition come up just now, to shake him untimely out of his canny resignation and make him a prey to doubts and suspicions? Was the time come? Was this a sign? Should he feel encouraged to stand up and strike a blow? He had refused with all the decisiveness he could put into his voice, to think of the proposition; but had that settled it? It seemed not, since here he sat and brooded over it. &#8220;We are most likely to get angry in our opposition to some idea when we ourselves are not quite certain of our own position.&#8221; A deucedly sly little person, Tony was!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What had he answered her? He had spoken very impressively, he recollected, about &#8220;underhand man&#339;uvres,&#8221; &#8220;fishing in troubled waters,&#8221; &#8220;fleecing the poor land-owner,&#8221; &#8220;usury,&#8221; and so on. Very fine! But really one might ask if this were just the right time for so many large words. Consul Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m would not have thought of them, and would not have used them. Was he, Thomas Buddenbrook, a man of action, a business man&#8212;or was he a finicking dreamer?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, that was the question. It had always been, as far back as he could remember, the question. Life was harsh: and business, with its ruthless unsentimentality, was an epitome of life. Did Thomas Buddenbrook, like his father, stand firmly on his two feet, in face of this hard practicality of life? Often enough, even far back in the past, he had seen reason to doubt it. Often enough, from his youth onwards, he had sternly brought his feelings into line. To inflict punishment, to take punishment, and not to think of it as punishment, but as something to be taken for granted&#8212;should he never completely learn that lesson?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He recalled the catastrophe of the year 1866, and the inexpressibly painful emotions which had then overpowered him. He had lost a large sum of money in the affair&#8212;but that had not been the unbearable thing about it. For the first time in his career he had fully and personally experienced the ruthless brutality of business life and seen how all better, gentler, and kindlier sentiments creep away and hide themselves before the one raw, naked, dominating instinct of self-preservation. He had seen that when one suffers a misfortune in business, one is met by one's friends&#8212;and one's best friends&#8212;not with sympathy, not with compassion, but with suspicion&#8212;cold, cruel, hostile suspicion. But he had known all this before; why should he be surprised at it? And in stronger and hardier hours he had blushed for his own weakness, for his own distress and sleepless nights, for his revulsion and disgust at the hateful and shameless harshness of life!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
How foolish all that was! How ridiculous such feelings had been! How could he entertain them?&#8212;unless, indeed, he were a feeble visionary and not a practical business man at all! Ah, how many times had he asked himself that question? And how many times had he answered it: in strong and purposeful hours with one answer, in weak and discouraged ones with another! But he was too shrewd and too honest not to admit, after all, that he was a mixture of both.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All his life, he had made the impression on others of a practical man of action. But in so far as he legitimately passed for one&#8212;he, with his fondness for quotations from Goethe&#8212;was it not because he deliberately set out to do so? He had been successful in the past, but was that not because of the enthusiasm and impetus drawn from reflection? And if he were now discouraged, if his powers were lamed&#8212;God grant it was only for a time&#8212;was not his depression the natural consequence of the conflict that went on within himself? Whether his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather would have bought the P&#246;ppenrade harvest in the blade was not the point after all. The thing was that they were practical men, more naturally, more vigorously, more impeccably practical than he was himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was seized by a great unrest, by a need for movement, space, and light. He shoved back his chair, went into the salon, and lighted several burners of the chandelier over the centre-table. He stood there, pulling slowly and spasmodically at the long ends of his moustaches and vacantly gazing about the luxurious room. Together with the living-room it occupied the whole front of the house; it had light, ornate furniture and looked like a music-room, with the great grand piano, Gerda's violin-case, the &#233;tag&#232;re with music books, the carved music-stand, and the bas-reliefs of singing cupids over the doors. The bow-window was filled with palms.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Senator Buddenbrook stood for two or three minutes motionless. Then he went back through the living-room into the dining-room and made light there also. He stopped at the sideboard and poured a glass of water, either to be doing something or to quiet his heart. Then he moved quickly on through the house, lighting up as he went. The smoking-room was furnished in dark colours and wainscoted. He absently opened the door of the cigar cabinet and shut it again, and at the table lifted the lid of a little oak box which had playing-cards, score-cards, and other such things in it. He let some of the bone counters glide through his fingers with a rattling sound, clapped the lid shut, and began again to walk up and down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A little room with a small stained-glass window opened into the smoking-room. It was empty except for some small light serving-tables of the kind which fit one within another. On one of them a liqueur cabinet stood. From here one entered the dining-room, with its great extent of parquetry flooring and its four high windows, hung with wine-coloured curtains, looking out into the garden. It also occupied the whole breadth of the house. It was furnished by two low, heavy sofas, covered with the same wine-coloured material as the curtains, and by a number of high-backed chairs standing stiffly along the walls. Behind the fire-screen was a chimney-place, its artificial coals covered with shining red paper to make them look glowing. On the marble mantel-shelf in front of the mirror stood two towering Chinese vases.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The whole storey was now lighted by the flame of single gas-jets, and looked like a party the moment after the last guest is gone. The Senator measured the room throughout its length, and then stood at one of the windows and looked down into the garden.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The moon stood high and small between fleecy clouds, and the little fountain splashed in the stillness over the overhanging boughs of the walnut tree. Thomas looked down on the pavilion which enclosed his view, on the little glistening white terrace with the two obelisks, the regular gravel paths, and the freshly turned earth of the neat borders and beds. But this whole minute and punctilious symmetry, far from soothing him, only made him feel the more exasperated. He held the catch of the window, leaned his forehead on it, and gave rein to his tormenting thoughts again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was he coming to? He thought of a remark he had let fall to his sister&#8212;something he had felt vexed with himself the next minute for saying, it seemed so unnecessary. He was speaking of Count Strelitz and the landed aristocracy, and he had expressed the view that the producer had a social advantage over the middleman. What was the point of that? It might be true and it might not; but was he, Thomas Buddenbrook, called upon to express such ideas&#8212;was he called upon even to think them? Should he have been able to explain to the satisfaction of his father, his grandfather&#8212;or any of his fellow townsmen&#8212;how he came to be expressing, or indulging in, such thoughts? A man who stands firm and confident in his own calling, whatever it may be, recognizes only it, understands only it, values only it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then he suddenly felt the blood rushing to his face as he recalled another memory, from farther back in the past. He saw himself and his brother Christian, walking around the garden of the Meng Street house, involved in a quarrel&#8212;one of those painful, regrettable, heated discussions. Christian, with artless indiscretion, had made a highly undesirable, a compromising remark, which a number of people had heard; and Thomas, furiously angry, irritated to the last degree, had called him to account. At bottom, Christian had said, at bottom every business man was a rascal. Well! was that foolish and trifling remark, in point of fact, so different from what he himself had just said to his sister? He had been furiously angry then, had protested violently&#8212;but what was it that sly little Tony said? &#8220;When we ourselves are not quite certain of our own position....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; said the Senator, suddenly, aloud, lifted his head with a jerk, and let go the window fastening. He fairly pushed himself away from it. &#8220;That settles it,&#8221; he said. He coughed, for the sound of his own voice in the emptiness made him feel unpleasant. He turned and began to walk quickly through all the rooms, his hands behind his back and his head bowed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That settles it,&#8221; he repeated. &#8220;It will have to settle it. I am wasting time, I am sinking into a morass, I'm getting worse than Christian.&#8221; It was something to be glad of, at least, that he was in no doubt where he stood. It lay, then, in his own hands to apply the corrective. Relentlessly. Let us see, now&#8212;let us see&#8212;what sort of offer was it they had made? The P&#246;ppenrade harvest, in the blade? &#8220;I will do it!&#8221; he said in a passionate whisper, even stretching out one hand and shaking the forefinger. &#8220;I will do it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It would be, he supposed, what one would call a &lt;i&gt;coup&lt;/i&gt;: an opportunity to double a capital of, say, forty thousand marks current&#8212;though that was probably an exaggeration.&#8212;Yes, it was a sign&#8212;a signal to him that he should rouse himself! It was the first step, the beginning, that counted; and the risk connected with it was a sort of offset to his moral scruples. If it succeeded, then he was himself again, then he would venture once more, then he would know how to hold fortune and influence fast within his grip.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No, Messrs. Strunck and Hagenstr&#246;m would not be able to profit by this occasion, unfortunately for them. There was another firm in the place, which, thanks to personal connections, had the upper hand. In fact, the personal was here the decisive factor. It was no ordinary business, to be carried out in the ordinary way. Coming through Tony, as it had, it bore more the character of a private transaction, and would need to be carried out with discretion and tact. Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m would hardly have been the man for the job. He, Thomas Buddenbrook, as a business man, was taking advantage of the market&#8212;and he would, by God, when he sold, know how to do the same. On the other hand, he was doing the hard-pressed land-owner a favour which he was called upon to do, by reason of Tony's connection with the Maibooms. The thing to do was to write, to write this evening&#8212;not on the business paper with the firm name, but on his own personal letter-paper with &#8220;Senator Buddenbrook&#8221; stamped across it. He would write in a courteous tone and ask if a visit in the next few days would be agreeable. But it was a difficult business, none the less&#8212;slippery ground, upon which one needed to move with care.&#8212; Well, so much the better for him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His step grew quicker, his breathing deeper. He sat down a moment, sprang up again, and began roaming about through all the rooms. He thought it all out again; he thought about Herr Marcus, Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m, Christian, and Tony; he saw the golden harvests of P&#246;ppenrade wave in the breeze, and dreamed of the upward bound the old firm would take after this coup; scornfully repulsed all his scruples and hesitations, put out his hand and said &#8220;I'll do it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder opened the door and called out &#8220;Good-bye!&#8221; He answered her without knowing it. Gerda said good night to Christian at the house door and came upstairs, her strange deep-set eyes wearing the expression that music always gave them. The Senator stopped mechanically in his walk, asked mechanically about the concert and the Spanish virtuoso, and said he was ready to go to bed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But he did not go. He took up his wanderings again. He thought about the sacks of wheat and rye and oats and barley which should fill the lofts of the Lion, the Walrus, the Oak, and the Linden; he thought about the price he intended to ask&#8212;of course it should not be an extravagant price. He went softly at midnight down into the counting-house and, by the light of Herr Marcus' tallow candle, wrote a letter to Herr von Maiboom of P&#246;ppenrade&#8212;a letter which, as he read it through, his head feeling feverish and heavy, he thought was the best and most tactful he had ever written.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That was the night of May 27. The next day he indicated to his sister, treating the affair in a light, semi-humorous way, that he had thought it all over and decided that he could not just refuse Herr von Maiboom out of hand and leave him at the mercy of the nearest swindler. On the thirtieth of May he went to Rostock, whence he drove in a hired wagon out to the country.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His mood for the next few days was of the best, his step elastic and free, his manners easy. He teased Clothilde, laughed heartily at Christian, joked with Tony, and played with Hanno in the little gallery for a whole hour on Sunday, helping him to hoist up miniature sacks of grain into a little brick-red granary, and imitating the hollow, drawling shouts of the workmen. And at the Burgesses' meeting of the third of June he made a speech on the most tiresome subject in the world, something connected with taxation, which was so brilliant and witty that everybody agreed with it unanimously, and Consul Hagenstr&#246;m, who had opposed him, became almost a laughing-stock.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Was it forgetfulness, or was it intention, which would have made Senator Buddenbrook pass over in silence a certain fact, had not his sister Tony, the devotee of the family papers, announced it to all the world: the fact, namely, that in those documents the founding of the firm of Johann Buddenbrook was ascribed to the date of the 7th of July, 1768, the hundredth anniversary of which was now at hand?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas seemed almost disturbed when Tony, in a moving voice, called his attention to the fact. His good mood had not lasted. All too soon he had fallen silent again, more silent than before. He would leave the office in the midst of work, seized with unrest, and roam about the garden, sometimes pausing as if he felt confined in his movements, sighing, and covering his eyes with his hand. He said nothing, gave his feelings no vent&#8212;to whom should he speak, then? When he told his partner of the P&#246;ppenrade matter, Herr Marcus had for the first time in his life been angry with him, and had washed his hands of the whole affair. But Thomas betrayed himself to his sister Tony, when they said good-bye on the street one Thursday evening, and she alluded to the P&#246;ppenrade harvest. He gave her hand a single quick squeeze, and added passionately &#8220;Oh, Tony, if I had only sold it already!&#8221; He broke off abruptly, and they parted, leaving Frau Permaneder dismayed and anxious. The sudden hand-pressure had something despairing, the low words betrayed pent-up feeling. But when Tony, as chance offered, tried to come back to the subject, he wrapped himself in silence, the more forbidding because of his inward mortification over having given way&#8212;his inward bitterness at being, as he felt, feeble and inadequate to the situation in hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He said now, slowly and fretfully: &#8220;Oh, my dear child, I wish we might ignore the whole affair!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ignore it, Tom? Impossible! Unthinkable! Do you think you could suppress the fact? Do you imagine the whole town would forget the meaning of the day?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't say it is possible&#8212;I only say I wish it were. It is pleasant to celebrate the past, when one is gratified with the present and the future. It is agreeable to think of one's forefathers when one feels at one with them and conscious of having acted as they would have done. If the jubilee came at a better time&#8212;but just now, I feel small inclination to celebrate it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You must not talk like that, Tom. You don't mean it; you know perfectly that it would be a shame to let the hundredth anniversary of the firm of Johann Buddenbrook go by without a sign or a sound of rejoicing. You are a little nervous now, and I know why, though there is really no reason for it. But when the day comes, you will be as moved as all the rest of us.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was right; the day could not be passed over in silence. It was not long before a notice appeared in the papers, calling attention to the coming anniversary and giving a detailed history of the old and estimable firm&#8212;but it was really hardly necessary. In the family, Justus Kr&#246;ger was the first to mention the approaching event, on the Thursday afternoon; and Frau Permaneder saw to it that the venerable leather portfolio was solemnly brought out after dessert was cleared away, and the whole family, by way of foretaste, perused the dates and events in the life of the first Johann Buddenbrook, Hanno's great-great-grandfather: when he had varioloid and when genuine smallpox, when he fell out of the third-storey window on to the floor of the drying-house, and when he had fever and delirium&#8212;she read all that aloud with pious fervour. Not content with that, she must go back into the 16th century, to the oldest Buddenbrook of whom there was knowledge, to the one who was Councillor in Grabau, and the Rostock tailor who had been &#8220;very well off&#8221; and had so many children, living and dead. &#8220;What a splendid man!&#8221; she cried; and began to rummage through yellow papers and read letters and poems aloud.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the morning of the seventh of July, Herr Wenzel was naturally the first with his congratulations.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Herr Sen'ter, many happy returns!&#8221; he said, gesturing freely with razor and strop in his red hands. &#8220;A hundred years! And nearly half of it, I may say, I have been shaving in the respected family&#8212;oh, yes, one goes through a deal with the family, when one sees the head of it the first thing in the morning! The deceased Herr Consul was always the most talkative in the morning, too: &#8216;Wenzel,' he would ask me, &#8216;Wenzel, what do you think about the rye? Should I sell or do you think it will go up again?'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Wenzel, and I cannot think of these years without you, either. Your calling, as I've often said to you, has a certain charm about it. When you have made your rounds, you are wiser than anybody: you have had the heads of nearly all the great houses under your hand, and know the mood of each one. All the others can envy you that, for it is really valuable information.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;'s a good bit of truth in that, Herr Sen'ter. But what about the Herr Sen'ter's own mood, if I may be so bold to ask? Herr Sen'ter's looking a trifle pale again this morning.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Am I? Well, I have a headache&#8212;and so far as I can see, it will get worse before it gets better, for I suspect they'll put a good deal of strain on it to-day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm afraid so, Herr Sen'ter. The interest is great&#8212;the interest is very great. Just look out o' window when I've done with you. Hosts of flags! And down at the bottom of the Street the &#8216;Wullenwewer' and the &#8216;Friederike &#214;verdieck' with all their pennons flying.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, let's be quick, then, Wenzel; there's no time to lose, evidently.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator did not don his office jacket, as he usually did of a morning, but put on at once a black cutaway coat with a white waistcoat and light-coloured trousers. There would certainly be visits. He gave a last glance in the mirror, a last pressure of the tongs to his moustache, and turned with a little sigh to go. The dance was beginning. If only the day were well over! Would he have a single minute to himself, a single minute to relax the muscles of his face? All day long he should certainly have to receive, with tact and dignity, the congratulations of a host of people, find just the right word and just the right tone for everybody, be serious, hearty, ironic, jocose, and respectful by turns; and from afternoon late into the night there would be the dinner at the Ratskeller.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was not true that his head ached. He was only tired. Already, though he had just risen, with his nerves refreshed by sleep, he felt his old, indefinable burden upon him. Why had he said his head ached&#8212;as though he always had a bad conscience where his own health was concerned? Why? Why? However, there was no time now to brood over the question.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He went into the dining-room, where Gerda met him gaily. She too was already arrayed to meet their guests, in a plaid skirt, a white blouse, and a thin silk zouave jacket over it, the colour of her heavy hair. She smiled and showed her white teeth, so large and regular, whiter than her white face; her eyes, those close-set, enigmatic brown eyes, were smiling too, to-day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've been up for hours&#8212;you can tell from that how excited I am,&#8221; she said, &#8220;and how hearty my congratulations are.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, well! So the hundred years make an impression on you too?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tremendous. But perhaps it is only the excitement of the celebration. What a day! Look at that, for instance.&#8221; She pointed to the breakfast-table, all garlanded with garden flowers. &#8220;That is Fr&#228;ulein Jungmann's work. But you are mistaken if you think you can drink tea now. The family is in the drawing-room already, waiting to make a presentation&#8212;something in which I too have had a share. Listen, Thomas. This is, of course, only the beginning of a stream of callers. At first I can stand it, but at about midday I shall have to withdraw, I am sure. The barometer has fallen a little, but the sky is still the most staring blue. It makes the flags look lovely, of course, and the whole town is flagged&#8212;but it will be frightfully hot. Come into the salon. Breakfast must wait. You should have been up before. Now the first excitement will have to come on an empty stomach.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul, Christian, Clothilde, Ida Jungmann, Frau Permaneder, and Hanno were assembled in the salon, the last two supporting, not without difficulty, the family present, a great commemorative tablet. The Frau Consul, deeply moved, embraced her eldest-born.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is a wonderful day, my dear son&#8212;a wonderful day,&#8221; she repeated. &#8220;We must thank God unceasingly, with all our hearts, for His mercies&#8212;for all His mercies.&#8221; She wept.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator was attacked by weakness in her embrace. He felt as though something within him freed itself and flew away. His lips trembled. An overwhelming need possessed him to lay his head upon his mother's breast, to close his eyes in her arms, to breathe in the delicate perfume that rose from the soft silk of her gown, to lie there at rest, seeing nothing more, saying nothing more. He kissed her and stood erect, putting out his hand to his brother, who greeted him with the absent-minded embarrassment which was his usual bearing on such occasions. Clothilde drawled out something kindly. Ida Jungmann confined herself to making a deep bow, while she played with the silver watch-chain on her flat bosom.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come here, Tom,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder uncertainly. &#8220;We can't hold it any longer, can we, Hanno?&#8221; She was holding it almost alone, for Hanno's little arms were not much help; and she looked, what with her enthusiasm and her effort, like an enraptured martyr. Her eyes were moist, her cheeks burned, and her tongue played, with a mixture of mischief and nervousness, on her upper lip.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here I am,&#8221; said the Senator. &#8220;What in the world is this? Come, let me have it; we'll lean it against the wall.&#8221; He propped it up next to the piano and stood looking at it, surrounded by the family.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In a large, heavy frame of carved nut-wood were the portraits of the four owners of the firm, under glass. There was the founder, Johann Buddenbrook, taken from an old oil painting&#8212;a tall, grave old gentleman, with his lips firmly closed, looking severe and determined above his lace jabot. There was the broad and jovial countenance of Johann Buddenbrook, the friend of Jean Jacques Hoffstede. There was Consul Johann Buddenbrook, in a stiff choker collar, with his wide, wrinkled mouth and large aquiline nose, his eyes full of religious fervour. And finally there was Thomas Buddenbrook himself, as a somewhat younger man. The four portraits were divided by conventionalized blades of wheat, heavily gilded, and beneath, likewise in figures of brilliant gilt, the dates 1768-1868. Above the whole, in the tall, Gothic hand of him who had left it to his descendants, was the quotation: &#8220;My son, attend with zeal, to thy business by day; but do none that hinders thee from thy sleep at night.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator, his hands behind his back gazed for a long time at the tablet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes,&#8221; he said abruptly, and his tone was rather mocking, &#8220;an undisturbed night's rest is a very good thing.&#8221; Then, seriously, if perhaps a little perfunctorily, &#8220;Thank you very much, my dear family. It is indeed a most thoughtful and beautiful gift. What do you think&#8212;where shall we put it? Shall we hang it in my private office?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tom, over the desk in your office,&#8221; answered Frau Permaneder, and embraced her brother. Then she drew him into the bow-window and pointed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Under a deep blue sky, the two-coloured flag floated above all the houses, right down Fishers' Lane, from Broad Street to the wharf, where the &#8220;Wullenwewer&#8221; and the &#8220;Friederike &#214;verdieck&#8221; lay under full flag, in their owner's honour.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The whole town is the same,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder, and her voice trembled. &#8220;I've been out and about already. Even the Hagenstr&#246;ms have a flag. They couldn't do otherwise.&#8212;I'd smash in their window!&#8221; He smiled, and they went back to the table together. &#8220;And here are the telegrams, Tom, the first ones to come&#8212;the personal ones, of course; the others have been sent to the office.&#8221; They opened a few of the dispatches: from the family in Hamburg, from the Frankfort Buddenbrooks, from Herr Arnoldsen in Amsterdam, from J&#252;rgen Kr&#246;ger in Wismar. Suddenly Frau Permaneder flushed deeply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is a good man, in his way,&#8221; she said, and pushed across to her brother the telegram she had just opened: it was signed Permaneder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But time is passing,&#8221; said the Senator, and looked at his watch. &#8220;I'd like my tea. Will you come in with me? The house will be like a bee-hive after a while.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His wife, who had given a sign to Ida Jungmann, held him back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just a moment, Thomas. You know Hanno has to go to his lessons. He wants to say a poem to you first. Come here, Hanno. And now, just as if no one else were here&#8212;you remember? Don't be excited.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was the summer holidays, of course, but little Hanno had private lessons in arithmetic, in order to keep up with his class. Somewhere out in the suburb of St. Gertrude, in a little ill-smelling room, a man in a red beard, with dirty fingernails, was waiting to discipline him in the detested &#8220;tables.&#8221; But first he was to recite to Papa a poem painfully learned by heart, with Ida Jungmann's help, in the little balcony on the second floor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He leaned against the piano, in his blue sailor suit with the white V front and the wide linen collar with a big sailor's knot coming out beneath. His thin legs were crossed, his body and head a little inclined in an attitude of shy, unconscious grace. Two or three weeks before, his hair had been cut, as not only his fellow-pupils, but the master as well, had laughed at it; but his head was still covered with soft abundant ringlets, growing down over the forehead and temples. His eyelids drooped, so that the long brown lashes lay over the deep blue shadows; and his closed lips were a little wry.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He knew well what would happen. He would begin to cry, would not be able to finish for crying; and his heart would contract, as it did on Sundays in St. Mary's, when Herr Pf&#252;hl played on the organ in a certain piercingly solemn way. It always turned out that he wept when they wanted him to do something&#8212;when they examined him and tried to find out what he knew, as Papa so loved to do. If only Mamma had not spoken of getting excited! She meant to be encouraging, but he felt it was a mistake. There they stood, and looked at him. They expected, and feared, that he would break down&#8212;so how was it possible &lt;i&gt;not&lt;/i&gt; to? He lifted his lashes and sought Ida's eyes. She was playing with her watch-chain, and nodded to him in her usual honest, crabbed way. He would have liked to cling to her and have her take him away; to hear nothing but her low, soothing voice, saying &#8220;There, little Hanno, be quiet, you need not say it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, my son, let us hear it,&#8221; said the Senator, shortly. He had sat down in an easy-chair by the table and was waiting. He did not smile&#8212;he seldom did on such occasions. Very serious, with one eyebrow lifted, he measured little Hanno with cold and scrutinizing glance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno straightened up. He rubbed one hand over the piano's polished surface, gave a shy look at the company, and, somewhat emboldened by the gentle looks of Grandmamma and Aunt Tony, brought out, in a low, almost a hard voice: &#8220;&#8216;The Shepherd's Sunday Hymn,' by Uhland.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, my dear child, not like that,&#8221; called out the Senator. &#8220;Don't stick there by the piano and cross your hands on your tummy like that! Stand up! Speak out! That's the first thing. Here, stand here between the curtains. Now, hold your head up&#8212;let your arms hang down quietly at your sides.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno took up his position on the threshold of the living-room and let his arms hang down. Obediently he raised his head, but his eyes&#8212;the lashes drooped so low that they were invisible. They were probably already swimming in tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;This is the day of our&#8212;'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
he began, very low. His father's voice sounded loud by contrast when he interrupted: &#8220;One begins with a bow, my son. And then, much louder. Begin again, please: &#8216;Shepherd's Sunday Hymn'&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was cruel. The Senator was probably aware that he was robbing the child of the last remnant of his self-control. But the boy should not let himself be robbed. He should have more manliness by now. &#8220;&#8216;Shepherd's Sunday Hymn,'&#8221; he repeated encouragingly, remorselessly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But it was all up with Hanno. His head sank on his breast, and the small, blue-veined right hand tugged spasmodically at the brocaded porti&#232;re.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;I stand alone on the vacant plain,'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
he said, but could get no further. The mood of the verse possessed him. An overmastering self-pity took away his voice, and the tears could not be kept back: they rolled out from beneath his lashes. Suddenly the thought came into his mind: if he were only ill, a little ill, as on those nights when he lay in bed with a slight fever and sore throat, and Ida came and gave him a drink, and put a compress on his head, and was kind&#8212; He put his head down on the arm with which he clung to the porti&#232;re, and sobbed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well,&#8221; said the Senator, harshly, &#8220;there is no pleasure in that.&#8221; He stood up, irritated. &#8220;What are you crying about? Though it is certainly a good enough reason for tears, that you haven't the courage to do anything, even for the sake of giving me a little pleasure! Are you a little girl? What will become of you if you go on like that? Will you always be drowning yourself in tears, every time you have to speak to people?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I never &lt;i&gt;will&lt;/i&gt; speak to people, never!&#8221; thought Hanno in despair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Think it over till this afternoon,&#8221; finished the Senator, and went into the dining-room. Ida Jungmann knelt by her fledgling and dried his eyes, and spoke to him, half consoling, half reproachful.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator breakfasted hurriedly, and the Frau Consul, Tony, Clothilde, and Christian meanwhile took their leave. They were to dine with Gerda, as likewise were the Kr&#246;gers, the Weinschenks, and the three Misses Buddenbrook from Broad Street, while the Senator, willy-nilly, must be present at the dinner in the Ratskeller. He hoped to leave in time to see his family again at his own house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sitting at the be-garlanded table, he drank his hot tea out of a saucer, hurriedly ate an egg, and on the steps took two or three puffs of a cigarette. Grobleben, wearing his woollen scarf in defiance of the July heat, with a boot over his left forearm and the polish-brush in his right, a long drop pendent from his nose, came from the garden into the front entry and accosted his master at the foot of the stairs, where the brown bear stood with his tray.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Many happy returns, Herr Sen'ter, many happy&#8212;'n' one is rich 'n' great, 'n' t'other's pore&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, Grobleben, you're right, that's just how it is!&#8221; And the Senator slipped a piece of money into the hand with the brush, and crossed the entry into the anteroom of the office. In the office the cashier came up to him, a tall man with honest, faithful eyes, to convey, in carefully selected phrases, the good wishes of the staff. The Senator thanked him in a few words, and went on to his place by the window. He had hardly opened his letters and glanced into the morning paper lying there ready for him, when a knock came on the door leading into the front entry, and the first visitors appeared with their congratulations.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a delegation of granary labourers, who came straddling in like bears, the corners of their mouths drawn down with befitting solemnity and their caps in their hands. Their spokesman spat tobacco-juice on the floor, pulled up his trousers, and talked in great excitement about &#8220;a hun'erd year&#8221; and &#8220;many more hun'erd year.&#8221; The Senator proposed to them a considerable increase in their pay for the week, and dismissed them. The office staff of the revenue department came in a body to congratulate their chief. As they left, they met in the doorway a number of sailors, with two pilots at the head, from the &#8220;Wullenwewer&#8221; and the &#8220;Friederike &#214;verdieck,&#8221; the two ships belonging to the firm which happened at the time to be in port. Then there was a deputation of grain-porters, in black blouses, knee-breeches, and top-hats. And single citizens, too, were announced from time to time: Herr Stuht from Bell-Founders' Street came, with a black coat over his flannel shirt, and Iwersen the florist, and sundry other neighbours. There was an old postman, with watery eyes, earrings, and a white beard&#8212;an ancient oddity whom the Senator used to salute on the street and call him Herr Postmaster: he came, stood in the doorway, and cried out &#8220;Ah bain't come fer &lt;i&gt;that&lt;/i&gt;, Herr Sen'ter! Ah knows as iverybody gits summat as comes here to-day, but ah bain't come fer that, an' so ah tells ye!&#8221; He received his piece of money with gratitude, none the less. There was simply no end to it. At half-past ten the servant came from the house to announce that the Frau Senator was receiving guests in the salon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook left his office and hurried upstairs. At the door of the salon he paused a moment for a glance into the mirror to order his cravat, and to refresh himself with a whiff of the eau-de-cologne on his handkerchief. His body was wet with perspiration, but his face was pale, his hands and feet cold. The reception in the office had nearly used him up already. He drew a long breath and entered the sunlit room, to be greeted at once by Consul Huneus, the lumber dealer and multi-millionaire, his wife, their daughter, and the latter's husband, Senator Dr. Gieseke. These had all driven in from Travem&#252;nde, like many others of the first families of the town, who were spending July in a cure which they interrupted only for the Buddenbrook jubilee.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They had not been sitting for three minutes in the elegant arm-chairs of the salon when Consul &#214;verdieck, son of the deceased Burgomaster, and his wife, who was a Kistenmaker, were announced. When Consul Huneus made his adieux, his place was taken by his brother, who had a million less money than he, but made up for it by being a senator.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now the ball was open. The tall white door, with the relief of the singing cupids above it, was scarcely closed for a moment; there was a constant view from within of the great staircase, upon which the light streamed down from the skylight far above, and of the stairs themselves, full of guests either entering or taking their leave. But the salon was spacious, the guests lingered in groups to talk, and the number of those who came was for some time far greater than the number of those who went away. Soon the maid-servant gave up opening and shutting the door that led into the salon and left it wide open, so that the guests stood in the corridor as well. There was the drone and buzz of conversation in masculine and feminine voices, there were handshakings, bows, jests, and loud, jolly laughter, which reverberated among the columns of the staircase and echoed from the great glass panes of the skylight. Senator Buddenbrook stood by turns at the top of the stairs and in the bow-window, receiving the congratulations, which were sometimes mere formal murmurs and sometimes loud and hearty expressions of good will. Burgomaster Dr. Langhals, a heavily built man of elegant appearance, with a shaven chin nestling in a white neck-cloth, short grey mutton-chops, and a languid diplomatic air, was received with general marks of respect. Consul Eduard Kistenmaker, the wine-merchant, his wife, who was a M&#246;llendorpf, and his brother and partner Stephan, Senator Buddenbrook's loyal friend and supporter, with his wife, the rudely healthy daughter of a landed proprietor, arrive and pay their respects. The widowed Frau Senator M&#246;llendorpf sits throned in the centre of the sofa in the salon, while her children, Consul August M&#246;llendorpf and his wife Julchen, born Hagenstr&#246;m, mingle with the crowd. Consul Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m supports his considerable weight on the balustrade, breathes heavily into his red beard, and talks with Senator Dr. Cremer, the Chief of Police, whose brown beard, mixed with grey, frames a smiling face expressive of a sort of gentle slyness. State Attorney Moritz Hagenstr&#246;m, smiling and showing his defective teeth, is there with his beautiful wife, the former Fr&#228;ulein Puttfarken of Hamburg. Good old Dr. Grabow may be seen pressing Senator Buddenbrook's hand for a moment in both of his, to be displaced next moment by Contractor Voigt. Pastor Pringsheim, in secular garb, only betraying his dignity by the length of his frock-coat, comes up the steps with outstretched arms and a beaming face. And Herr Friedrich Wilhelm Marcus is present, of course. Those gentlemen who come as delegates from any body such as the Senate, the Board of Trade, or the Assembly of Burgesses, appear in frock-coats. It is half-past eleven. The heat is intense. The lady of the house withdrew a quarter of an hour ago.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly there is a hubbub below the vestibule door, a stamping and shuffling of feet, as of many people entering together; and a ringing, noisy voice echoes through the whole house. Everybody rushes to the landing, blocks up the doors to the salon, the dining-room, and the smoking-room, and peers down. Below is a group of fifteen or twenty men with musical instruments, headed by a gentleman in a brown wig, with a grey nautical beard and yellow artificial teeth, which he shows when he talks. What is happening? It is Consul Peter D&#246;hlmann, of course: he is bringing the band from the theatre, and mounts the stairs in triumph, swinging a packet of programmes in his hand!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The serenade in honour of the hundredth anniversary of the firm of Johann Buddenbrook begins: in these impossible conditions, with the notes all running together, the chords drowning each other, the loud grunting and snarling of the big bass trumpet heard above everything else. It begins with &#8220;Now let us all thank God,&#8221; goes over into the adaptation of Offenbach's &#8220;La Belle H&#233;l&#232;ne,&#8221; and winds up with a &lt;i&gt;pot-pourri&lt;/i&gt; of folk-songs&#8212;quite an extensive programme! And a pretty idea of D&#246;hlmann's! They congratulate him on it; and nobody feels inclined to break up until the concert is finished. They stand or sit in the salon and the corridor; they listen and talk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook stood with Stephan Kistenmaker, Senator Dr. Gieseke, and Contractor Voigt, beyond the staircase, near the open door of the smoking-room and the flight of stairs up to the second storey. He leaned against the wall, now and then contributing a word to the conversation, and for the rest looking out into space across the balustrade. It was hotter than ever, and more oppressive; but it would probably rain. To judge from the shadows that drove across the skylight there must be clouds in the sky. They were so many and moved so rapidly that the changeful, flickering light on the staircase came in time to hurt the eyes. Every other minute the brilliance of the gilt chandelier and the brass instruments below was quenched, to blaze out the next minute as before. Once the shadows lasted a little longer, and six or seven times something fell with a slight crackling sound upon the panes of the skylight&#8212;hail-stones, no doubt. Then the sunlight streamed down again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There is a mood of depression in which everything that would ordinarily irritate us and call up a healthy reaction, merely weighs us down with a nameless, heavy burden of dull chagrin. Thus Thomas brooded over the break-down of little Johann, over the feelings which the whole celebration aroused in him, and still more over those which he would have liked to feel but could not. He sought again and again to pull himself together, to clear his countenance, to tell himself that this was a great day which was bound to heighten and exhilarate his mood. And indeed the noise which the band was making, the buzz of voices, the sight of all these people gathered in his honour, did shake his nerves; did, together with his memories of the past and of his father, give rise in him to a sort of weak emotionalism. But a sense of the ridiculous, of the disagreeable, hung over it all&#8212;the trumpery music, spoiled by the bad acoustics, the banal company chattering about dinners and the stock market&#8212;and this very mingling of emotion and disgust heightened his inward sense of exhaustion and despair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At a quarter after twelve, when the musical program was drawing to a close, an incident occurred which in no wise interfered with the prevailing good feeling, but which obliged the master of the house to leave his guests for a short time. It was of a business nature. At a pause in the music the youngest apprentice in the firm appeared, coming up the great staircase, overcome with embarrassment at sight of so many people. He was a little, stunted fellow; and he drew his red face down as far as possible between his shoulders and swung one long, thin arm violently back and forth to show that he was perfectly at his ease. In the other hand he had a telegram. He mounted the steps, looking everywhere for his master, and when he had discovered him he passed with blushes and murmured excuses through the crowds that blocked his way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His blushes were superfluous&#8212;nobody saw him. Without looking at him or breaking off their talk, they slightly made way, and they hardly noticed when he gave his telegram to the Senator, with a scrape, and the latter turned a little away from Kistenmaker, Voigt, and Gieseke to read it. Nearly all the telegrams that came to-day were messages of congratulation; still, during business hours, they had to be delivered at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The corridor made a bend at the point where the stairs mounted to the second storey, and then went on to the back stairs, where there was another, a side entrance into the dining-room. Opposite the stairs was the shaft of the dumbwaiter, and at this point there was a sizable table, where the maids usually polished the silver. The Senator paused here, turned his back to the apprentice, and opened the dispatch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly his eyes opened so wide that any one seeing him would have started in astonishment, and he gave a deep, gasping intake of breath which dried his throat and made him cough.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He tried to say &#8220;Very well,&#8221; but his voice was inaudible in the clamour behind him. &#8220;Very well,&#8221; he repeated; but the second word was only a whisper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As his master did not move or turn round or make any sign, the hump-backed apprentice shifted from one foot to the other, then made his outlandish scrape again and went down the back stairs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Senator Buddenbrook still stood at the table. His hands, holding the dispatch, hung weakly down in front of him; he breathed in difficult, short breaths through his mouth; his body swayed back and forth, and he shook his head meaninglessly, as if stunned. &#8220;That little bit of hail,&#8221; he said, &#8220;that little bit of hail.&#8221; He repeated it stupidly. But gradually his breathing grew longer and quieter, the movement of his body less; his half-shut eyes clouded over with a weary, broken expression, and he turned around, slowly nodding his head, opened the door into the dining-room, and went in. With bent head he crossed the wide polished floor and sat down on one of the dark-red sofas by the window. Here it was quiet and cool. The sound of the fountain came up from the garden, and a fly buzzed on the pane. There was only a dull murmur from the front of the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He laid his weary head on the cushion and closed his eyes. &#8220;That's good, that's good,&#8221; he muttered, half aloud, drawing a deep breath of relief and satisfaction; &#8220;Oh, that &lt;i&gt;is&lt;/i&gt; good!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He lay five minutes thus, with limbs relaxed and a look of peace upon his face. Then he sat up, folded the telegram, put it in his breast pocket, and rose to rejoin his guests.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But in the same minute he sank back with a disgusted groan upon the sofa. The music&#8212;it was beginning again; an idiotic racket, meant to be a galop, with the drum and cymbals marking a rhythm in which the other instruments all joined either ahead of or behind time; a na&#239;ve, insistent, intolerable hullabaloo of snarling, crashing, and feebly piping noises, punctuated by the silly tootling of the piccolo.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Oh, Bach, Sebastian Bach, dear lady!&#8221; cried Edmund Pf&#252;hl, Herr Edmund Pf&#252;hl, the organist of St. Mary's, as he strode up and down the salon with great activity, while Gerda, smiling, her head on her hand, sat at the piano; and Hanno listened from a big chair, his hands clasped round his knees. &#8220;Certainly, as you say, it was he through whom the victory was achieved by harmony over counterpoint. He invented modern harmony, assuredly. But how? Need I tell you how? By progressive development of the contrapuntal style&#8212;you know it as well as I do. Harmony? Ah, no! By no means. Counterpoint, my dear lady, counterpoint! Whither, I ask you, would experiments in harmony have led? While I have breath to speak, I will warn you against mere experiments in harmony!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His zeal as he spoke was great, and he gave it free rein, for he felt at home in the house. Every Wednesday afternoon there appeared on the threshold his bulky, square, high-shouldered figure, in a coffee-coloured coat, whereof the skirts hung down over his knees. While awaiting his partner, he would open lovingly the Bechstein grand piano, arrange the violin parts on the stand, and then prelude a little, softly and artistically, with his head sunk, in high contentment, on one shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
An astonishing growth of hair, a wilderness of tight little curls, red-brown mixed with grey, made his head look big and heavy, though it was poised easily upon a long neck with an extremely large Adam's apple that showed above his low collar. The straight, bunchy moustaches, of the same colour as the hair, were more prominent than the small snub nose. His eyes were brown and bright, with puffs of flesh beneath them; when he played they looked as though their gaze passed through whatever was in their way and rested on the other side. His face was not striking, but it had at least the stamp of a strong and lively intelligence. His eyelids were usually half drooped, and he had a way of relaxing his lower jaw without opening his mouth, which gave him a flabby, resigned expression like that sometimes seen on the face of a sleeping person.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The softness of his outward seeming, however, contrasted strongly with the actual strength and self-respect of his character. Edmund Pf&#252;hl was an organist of no small repute, whose reputation for contrapuntal learning was not confined within the walls of his native town. His little book on Church Music was recommended for private study in several conservatories, and his fugues and chorals were played now and then where an organ sounded to the glory of God. These compositions, as well as the voluntaries he played on Sundays at Saint Mary's, were flawless, impeccable, full of the relentless, severe logicality of the &lt;i&gt;Strenge Satz&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb23&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Strenge Satz &#8211; strict adherence to the rules&#034; id=&#034;nh23&#034;&gt;23&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. Such beauty as they had was not of this earth, and made no appeal to the ordinary layman's human feeling. What spoke in them, what gloriously triumphed in them, was a technique amounting to an ascetic religion, a technique elevated to a lofty sacrament, to an absolute end in itself. Edmund Pf&#252;hl had small use for the pleasant and the agreeable, and spoke of melody, it must be confessed, in slighting terms. But he was no dry pedant, notwithstanding. He would utter the name of Palestrina in the most dogmatic, awe-inspiring tone. But even while he made his instrument give out a succession of archaistic virtuosities, his face would be all aglow with feeling, with rapt enthusiasm, and his gaze would rest upon the distance as though he saw there the ultimate logicality of all events, issuing in reality. This was the musician's look; vague and vacant precisely because it abode in the kingdom of a purer, profounder, more absolute logic than that which shapes our verbal conceptions and thoughts.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His hands were large and soft, apparently boneless, and covered with freckles. His voice, when he greeted Gerda Buddenbrook, was low and hollow, as though a bite were stuck in his throat: &#8220;Good morning, honoured lady!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He rose a little from his seat, bowed, and respectfully took the hand she offered, while with his own left he struck the fifths on the piano, so firmly and clear that she seized her Stradivarius and began to tune the strings with practised ear.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The G minor concerto of Bach, Herr Pf&#252;hl. The whole adagio still goes badly, I think.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the organist began to play. But hardly were the first chords struck, when it invariably happened that the corridor door would open gently, and without a sound little Johann would steal across the carpet to an easy-chair, where he would sit, his hands clasped round his knees, motionless, and listen to the music and the conversation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Hanno, so you want a little taste of music, do you?&#8221; said Gerda in a pause, and looked at her son with her shadowy eyes, in which the music had kindled a soft radiance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then he would stand up and put out his hand to Herr Pf&#252;hl with a silent bow, and Herr Pf&#252;hl would stroke with gentle affection the soft light-brown hair that hung gracefully about brow and temples.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, now, my child,&#8221; he would say, with mild impressiveness; and the boy would look at the Adam's apple that went up and down as the organist spoke, and then go back to his place with his quick, light steps, as though he could hardly wait for the music to begin again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They played a movement of Haydn, some pages of Mozart, a sonata of Beethoven. Then, while Gerda was picking out some music, with her violin under her arm, a surprising thing happened: Herr Pf&#252;hl, Edmund Pf&#252;hl, organist at St. Mary's, glided over from his easy interlude into music of an extraordinary style; while a sort of shame-faced enjoyment showed upon his absent countenance. A burgeoning and blooming, a weaving and singing rose beneath his fingers; then, softly and dreamily at first, but ever clearer and clearer, there emerged in artistic counterpoint the ancestral, grandiose, magnificent march motif&#8212;a mounting to a climax, a complication, a transition; and at the resolution of the dominant the violin chimed in, fortissimo. It was the overture to &lt;i&gt;Die Meistersinger.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gerda Buddenbrook was an impassioned Wagnerite. But Herr Pf&#252;hl was an equally impassioned opponent&#8212;so much so that in the beginning she had despaired of winning him over.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the day when she first laid some piano arrangements from &lt;i&gt;Tristan&lt;/i&gt; on the music-rack, he played some twenty-five beats and then sprung up from the music-stool to stride up and down the room with disgust painted upon his face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I cannot play that, my dear lady! I am your most devoted servant&#8212;but I cannot. That is not music&#8212;believe me! I have always flattered myself I knew something about music&#8212;but this is chaos! This is demagogy, blasphemy, insanity, madness! It is a perfumed-fog, shot through with lightning! It is the end of all honesty in art. I will not play it!&#8221; And with the words he had thrown himself again on the stool, and with his Adam's apple working furiously up and down, with coughs and sighs, had accomplished another twenty-five beats. But then he shut the piano and cried out:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, fie, fie! No, this is going too far. Forgive me, dear lady, if I speak frankly what I feel. You have honoured me for years, and paid me for my services; and I am a man of modest means. But I must lay down my office, I assure you, if you drive me to it by asking me to play these atrocities! Look, the child sits there listening&#8212;would you then utterly corrupt his soul?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But let him gesture as furiously as he would, she brought him over&#8212;slowly, by easy stages, by persistent playing and persuasion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pf&#252;hl,&#8221; she would say, &#8220;be reasonable, take the thing calmly. You are put off by his original use of harmony. Beethoven seems to you so pure, clear, and natural, by contrast. But remember how Beethoven himself affronted his contemporaries, who were brought up in the old way. And Bach&#8212;why, good Heavens, you know how he was reproached for his want of melody and clearness! You talk about honesty&#8212;but what do you mean by honesty in art? Is it not the antithesis of hedonism? And, if so, then that is what you have here. Just as much as in Bach. I tell you, Pf&#252;hl, this music is less foreign to your inner self than you think!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is all juggling and sophistry&#8212;begging your pardon,&#8221; he grumbled. But she was right, after all: the music was not so impossible as he thought at first. He never, it is true, quite reconciled himself to &lt;i&gt;Tristan&lt;/i&gt;, though he eventually carried out Gerda's wish and made a very clever arrangement of the Liebestod for violin and piano. He was first won over by certain parts of &lt;i&gt;Die Meistersinger&lt;/i&gt;; and slowly a love for this new art began to stir within him. He would not confess it&#8212;he was himself aghast at the fact, and would pettishly deny it when the subject was mentioned. But after the old masters had had their due, Gerda no longer needed to urge him to respond to a more complex demand upon his virtuosity; with an expression of shame-faced pleasure, he would glide into the weaving harmonies of the &lt;i&gt;Leitmotiv&lt;/i&gt;. After the music, however, there would be a long explanation of the relation of this style of music to that of the &lt;i&gt;Strenge Satz&lt;/i&gt;; and one day Herr Pf&#252;hl admitted that, while not personally interested in the theme, he saw himself obliged to add a chapter to his book on Church Music, the subject of which would be the application of the old key-system to the church- and folk-music of Richard Wagner.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno sat quite still, his small hands clasped round his knees, his mouth, as usual, a little twisted as his tongue felt out the hole in a back tooth. He watched his mother and Herr Pf&#252;hl with large quiet eyes; and thus, so early, he became aware of music as an extraordinarily serious, important, and profound thing in life. He understood only now and then what they were saying, and the music itself was mostly far above his childish understanding. Yet he came again, and sat absorbed for hours&#8212;a feat which surely faith, love, and reverence alone enabled him to perform.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When only seven, he began to repeat with one hand on the piano certain combinations of sound that made an impression on him. His mother watched him smiling, improved his chords, and showed him how certain tones would be necessary to carry one chord over into another. And his ear confirmed what she told him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After Gerda Buddenbrook had watched her son a little, she decided that he must have piano lessons.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I hardly think,&#8221; she told Herr Pf&#252;hl, &#8220;that he is suited for solo work; and on the whole I am glad, for it has its bad side apart from the dependence of the soloist upon his accompanist, which can be very serious too;&#8212;if I did not have you, for instance!&#8212;there is always the danger of yielding to more or less complete virtuosity. You see, I know whereof I speak. I tell you frankly that, for the soloist, a high degree of ability is only the first step. The concentration on the tone and phrasing of the treble, which reduces the whole polyphony to something vague and indefinite in the consciousness, must surely spoil the feeling for harmony&#8212;unless the person is more than usually gifted&#8212;and the memory as well, which is most difficult to correct later on. I love my violin, and I have accomplished a good deal with it; but to tell the truth, I place the piano higher. What I mean is this: familiarity with the piano, as a means of summarizing the richest and most varied structures, as an incomparable instrument for musical reproduction, means for me a clearer, more intimate and comprehensive intercourse with music. Listen, Pf&#252;hl. I would like to have you take him, if you will be so good. I know there are two or three people here in the town who give lessons&#8212;women, I think. But they are simply piano-teachers. You know what I mean. I feel that it matters so little whether one is trained upon an instrument, and so much whether one knows something about music. I depend upon you. And you will see, you will succeed with him. He has the Buddenbrook hand. The Buddenbrooks can all strike the ninths and tenths&#8212;only they have never set any store by it,&#8221; she concluded, laughing. And Herr Pf&#252;hl declared himself ready to undertake the lessons.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
From now on, he came on Mondays as well as Wednesdays, and gave little Hanno lessons, while Gerda sat beside them. He went at it in an unusual way, for he felt that he owed more to his pupil's dumb and passionate zeal than merely to employ it in playing the piano a little. The first elementary difficulties were hardly got over when he began to theorize, in a simple way, with graphic illustrations, and to give his pupil the foundations of the theory of harmony. And Hanno understood. For it was all only a confirmation of what he had always known.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As far as possible, Herr Pf&#252;hl took into consideration the eager ambition of the child. He spent much thought upon the problem, how best to lighten the material load that weighed down the wings of his fancy. He did not demand too much finger dexterity or practice of scales. What he had in mind, and soon achieved, was a clear and lively grasp of the key-system on Hanno's part, an inward, comprehensive understanding of its relationships, out of which would come, at no distant day, the quick eye for possible combinations, the intuitive mastery over the piano, which would lead to improvisation and composition. He appreciated with a touching delicacy of feeling the spiritual needs of this young pupil, who had already heard so much, and directed it toward the acquisition of a serious style. He would not disillusionize the deep solemnity of his mood by making him practise commonplaces. He gave him chorals to play, and pointed out the laws controlling the development of one chord into another.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gerda, sitting with her embroidery or her book, just beyond the porti&#232;res, followed the course of the lessons.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You outstrip all my expectations,&#8221; she told Herr Pf&#252;hl, later on. &#8220;But are you not going too fast? Aren't you getting too far ahead? Your method seems to me eminently creative&#8212;he has already begun to try to improvise a little. But if the method is beyond him, if he hasn't enough gift, he will learn absolutely nothing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He has enough gift,&#8221; Herr Pf&#252;hl said, and nodded. &#8220;Sometimes I look into his eyes, and see so much lying there&#8212;but he holds his mouth tight shut. In later life, when his mouth will probably be shut even tighter, he must have some kind of outlet&#8212;a way of speaking&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She looked at him&#8212;at this square-built musician with the red-brown hair, the pouches under the eyes, the bushy moustaches, and the inordinate Adam's apple&#8212;and then she put out her hand and said: &#8220;Thank you, Pf&#252;hl. You mean well by him. And who knows, yet, how much you are doing for him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno's feeling for his teacher was one of boundless gratitude and devotion. At school he sat heavy and hopeless, unable, despite strenuous coaching, to understand his tables. But he grasped without effort all that Herr Pf&#252;hl told him, and made it his own&#8212;if he could make more his own that which he had already owned before. Edmund Pf&#252;hl, like a stout angel in a tail-coat, took him in his arms every Monday afternoon and transported him above all his daily misery, into the mild, sweet, grave, consoling kingdom of sound.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The lessons sometimes took place at Herr Pf&#252;hl's own house, a roomy old gabled dwelling full of cool passages and crannies, in which the organist lived alone with an elderly housekeeper. Sometimes, too, little Buddenbrook was allowed to sit up with the organist at the Sunday service in St. Mary's&#8212;which was quite a different matter from stopping below with the other people, in the nave. High above the congregation, high above Pastor Pringsheim in his pulpit, the two sat alone, in the midst of a mighty tempest of rolling sound, which at once set them free from the earth and dominated them by its own power; and Hanno was sometimes blissfully permitted to help his master control the stops.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the choral was finished, Herr Pf&#252;hl would slowly lift his fingers from the keyboard, so that only the bass and the fundamental would still be heard, in lingering solemnity; and after a meaningful pause, the well-modulated voice of Pastor Pringsheim would rise up from under the sounding-board in the pulpit. Then it happened not infrequently that Herr Pf&#252;hl would, quite simply, begin to make fun of the preacher: his artificial enunciation, his long, exaggerated vowels, his sighs, his crude transitions from sanctity to gloom. Hanno would laugh too, softly but with heart-felt glee; for those two up there were both of the opinion&#8212;which neither of them expressed&#8212;that the sermon was silly twaddle, and that the real service consisted in that which the Pastor and his congregation regarded merely as a devotional accessory: namely, the music.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Pf&#252;hl, in fact, had a constant grievance in the small understanding there was for his accomplishments down there among the Senators, Consuls, citizens, and their families. And thus, he liked to have his small pupil by him, to whom he could point out the extraordinary difficulties of the passages he had just played. He performed marvels of technique. He had composed a melody which was just the same read forward or backward, and based upon it a fugue which was to be played &#8220;crab-fashion.&#8221; But after performing this wonder: &#8220;Nobody knows the difference,&#8221; he said, and folded his hands in his lap with a dreary look, shaking his head hopelessly. While Pastor Pringsheim was delivering his sermon, he whispered to Hanno: &#8220;That was a crab-fashion imitation, Johann. You don't know what that is yet. It is the imitation of a theme composed backward instead of forward&#8212;a very, very difficult thing. Later on, I will show you what an imitation in the &lt;i&gt;Strenge Satz&lt;/i&gt; involves. As for the &#8216;crab,' I would never ask you to try that. It isn't necessary. But do not believe those who tell you that such things are trifles, without any musical value. You will find the crab in musicians of all ages. But exercises like that are the scorn of the mediocre and the superficial musician. Humility, Hanno, &lt;i&gt;humility&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;is the feeling one should have. Don't forget it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On his eighth birthday, April 15th, 1869, Hanno played before the assembled family a fantasy of his own composition. It was a simple affair, a motif entirely of his own invention, which he had slightly developed. When he showed it to Herr Pf&#252;hl, the organist, of course, had some criticism to make.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What sort of theatrical ending is that, Johann? It doesn't go with the rest of it. In the beginning it is all pretty good; but why do you suddenly fall from B major into the six-four chord on the fourth note with a minor third? These are tricks; and you tremolo here, too&#8212;where did you pick that up? I know, of course: you have been listening when I played certain things for your mother. Change the end, child: then it will be quite a clean little piece of work.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But it appeared that Hanno laid the greatest stress precisely on this minor chord and this finale; and his mother was so very pleased with it that it remained as it was. She took her violin and played the upper part, and varied it with runs in demi-semi-quavers. That sounded gorgeous: Hanno kissed her out of sheer happiness, and they played it together to the family on the 15th of April.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul, Frau Permaneder, Christian, Clothilde, Herr and Frau Consul Kr&#246;ger, Herr and Frau Director Weinschenk, the Broad Street Buddenbrooks, and Therese Weichbrodt were all bidden to dinner at four o'clock, with the Senator and his wife, in honour of Hanno's birthday; and now they sat in the salon and looked at the child, perched on the music-stool in his sailor suit, and at the elegant, foreign appearance his mother made as she played a wonderful cantilena on the G string, and then, with profound virtuosity, developed a stream of purling, foaming cadences. The silver on the end of her bow gleamed in the gas-light.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno was pale with excitement, and had hardly eaten any dinner. But now he forgot all else in his absorbed devotion to his task, which would, alas, be all over in ten minutes! The little melody he had invented was more harmonic than rhythmic in its structure; there was an extraordinary contrast between the simple primitive material which the child had at his command, and the impressive, impassioned, almost over-refined method with which that material was employed. He brought out each leading note with a forward inclination of the little head; he sat far forward on the music-stool, and strove by the use of both pedals to give each new harmony an emotional value. In truth, when Hanno concentrated upon an effect, the result was likely to be emotional rather than merely sentimental. He gave every simple harmonic device a special and mysterious significance by means of retardation and accentuation; his surprising skill in effects was displayed in each chord, each new harmony, by a suddenly introduced pianissimo. And he sat with lifted eyebrows, swaying back and forth with the whole upper part of his body. Then came the finale, Hanno's beloved finale, which crowned the elevated simplicity of the whole piece. Soft and clear as a bell sounded the E minor chord, tremolo pianissimo, amid the purling, flowing notes of the violin. It swelled, it broadened, it slowly, slowly rose: suddenly, in the forte, he introduced the discord C sharp, which led back to the original key, and the Stradivarius ornamented it with its welling and singing. He dwelt on the dissonance until it became fortissimo. But he denied himself and his audience the resolution; he kept it back. What would it be, this resolution, this enchanting, satisfying absorption into the B major chord? A joy beyond compare, a gratification of overpowering sweetness! Peace! Bliss! The kingdom of Heaven: only not yet&#8212;not yet! A moment more of striving, hesitation, suspense, that must become well-nigh intolerable in order to heighten the ultimate moment of joy.&#8212;Once more&#8212;a last, a final tasting of this striving and yearning, this craving of the entire being, this last forcing of the will to deny oneself the fulfilment and the conclusion, in the knowledge that joy, when it comes, lasts only for the moment. The whole upper part of Hanno's little body straightened, his eyes grew larger, his closed lips trembled, he breathed short, spasmodic breaths through his nose. At last, at last, joy would no longer be denied. It came, it poured over him; he resisted no more. His muscles relaxed, his head sank weakly on his shoulder, his eyes closed, and a pathetic, almost an anguished smile of speechless rapture hovered about his mouth; while his tremolo, among the rippling and rustling runs from the violin, to which he now added runs in the bass, glided over into B major, swelled up suddenly into forte, and after one brief, resounding burst, broke off.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was impossible that all the effect which this had upon Hanno should pass over into his audience. Frau Permaneder, for instance, had not the slightest idea what it was all about. But she had seen the child's smile, the rhythm of his body, the beloved little head swaying enraptured from side to side&#8212;and the sight had penetrated to the depths of her easily moved nature.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How the child can play! Oh, how he can play!&#8221; she cried, hurrying to him half-weeping and folding him in her arms. &#8220;Gerda, Tom, he will be a Meyerbeer, a Mozart, a&#8212;&#8221; As no third name of equal significance occurred to her, she confined herself to showering kisses on her nephew, who sat there, still quite exhausted, with an absent look in his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's enough, Tony,&#8221; the Senator said softly. &#8220;Please don't put such ideas into the child's head.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Thomas Buddenbrook was, in his heart, far from pleased with the development of little Johann.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Long ago he had led Gerda Arnoldsen to the altar, and all the Philistines had shaken their heads. He had felt strong and bold enough then to display a distinguished taste without harming his position as a citizen. But now, the long-awaited heir, who showed so many physical traits of the paternal inheritance&#8212;did he, after all, belong entirely to the mother's side? He had hoped that one day his son would take up the work of the father's lifetime in his stronger, more fortunate hands, and carry it forward. But now it almost seemed that the son was hostile, not only to the surroundings and the life in which his lot was cast, but even to his father as well.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gerda's violin-playing had always added to her strange eyes, which he loved, to her heavy, dark-red hair and her whole exotic appearance, one charm the more. But now that he saw how her passion for music, strange to his own nature, utterly, even at this early age, possessed the child, he felt in it a hostile force that came between him and his son, of whom his hopes would make a Buddenbrook&#8212;a strong and practical-minded man, with definite impulses after power and conquest. In his present irritable state it seemed to him that this hostile force was making him a stranger in his own house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He could not, himself, approach any nearer to the music practised by Gerda and her friend Herr Pf&#252;hl; Gerda herself, exclusive and impatient where her art was concerned, made it cruelly hard for him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Never had he dreamed that music was so essentially foreign to his family as now it seemed. His grandfather had enjoyed playing the flute, and he himself always listened with pleasure to melodies that possessed a graceful charm, a lively swing, or a tender melancholy. But if he happened to express his liking for any such composition, Gerda would be sure to shrug her shoulders and say with a pitying smile, &#8220;How can you, my friend? A thing like that, without any musical value whatever!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He hated this &#8220;musical value.&#8221; It was a phrase which had no meaning for him save a certain chilling arrogance. It drove him on, in Hanno's presence, to self-assertion. More than once he remonstrated angrily, &#8220;This constant harping on musical values, my dear, strikes me as rather tasteless and opinionated.&#8221; To which she rejoined: &#8220;Thomas, once for all, you will never understand anything about music as an art, and, intelligent as you are, you will never see that it is more than an after-dinner pleasure and a feast for the ears. In every other field you have a perception of the banal&#8212;in music not. But it is the test of musical comprehension. What pleases you in music? A sort of insipid optimism, which, if you met with it in literature, would make you throw down the book with an angry or sarcastic comment. Easy gratification of each unformed wish, prompt satisfaction before the will is even roused&#8212;that is what pretty music is like&#8212;and it is like nothing else in the world. It is mere flabby idealism.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He understood her; that is, he understood what she said. But he could not follow her: could not comprehend why melodies which touched or stirred him were cheap and worthless, while compositions which left him cold and bewildered possessed the highest musical value. He stood before a temple from whose threshold Gerda sternly waved him back&#8212;and he watched while she and the child vanished within.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He betrayed none of his grief over this estrangement, though the gulf seemed to widen between him and his little son. The idea of suing for his child's favour seemed frightful to him. During the day he had small time to spare; at meals he treated him with a friendly cordiality that had at times a tonic severity. &#8220;Well, comrade,&#8221; he would say, giving him a tap or two on the back of the head and seating himself opposite his wife, &#8220;well, and how are you? Studying? And playing the piano, eh? Good! But not too much piano, else you won't want to do your task, and then you won't go up at Easter.&#8221; Not a muscle betrayed the anxious suspense with which he waited to see how Hanno took his greeting and what his reply would be. Nothing revealed his painful inward shrinking when the child merely gave him a shy glance of the gold-brown, shadowy eyes&#8212;a glance that did not even reach his father's face&#8212;and bent again over his plate.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was monstrous for him to brood over this childish clumsiness. It was his fatherly duty to occupy himself a little with the child: so, while the plates were changed, he would examine him and try to stimulate his sense for facts. How many inhabitants were there in the town? What streets led from the Trave to the upper town? What were the names of the granaries that belonged to the firm? Out with it, now; speak up! But Hanno was silent. Not with any idea of wounding or annoying his father! But these inhabitants, these streets and granaries, which were normally a matter of complete indifference to him, became positively hateful when they were made the subject of an examination. However lively he was beforehand, however gaily he had laughed and talked with his father, his mood would go down to zero at the first symptom of an examination, and his resistance would collapse entirely. His eyes would cloud over, his mouth take on a despondent droop, and he would be possessed by a feeling of profound regret at the thoughtlessness of Papa, who surely knew that such tests came to nothing and only spoiled the whole meal time for everybody! With eyes swimming in tears he looked down at his plate. Ida would nudge him and whisper to him: the streets, the granaries. Oh, that was all useless, perfectly useless. She did not understand. He did know the names&#8212;at least some of them. It would have been easy to do what Papa asked&#8212;if only he were not possessed and prevented by an overpowering sadness! A severe word from his father and a tap with the fork against the knife rest brought him to himself with a start. He cast a glance at his mother and Ida and tried to speak. But the first syllables were already drowned in sobs. &#8220;That's enough,&#8221; shouted the Senator, angrily. &#8220;Keep still&#8212;you needn't tell me! You can sit there dumb and silly all the rest of your life!&#8221; And the meal would be finished in uncomfortable silence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the Senator felt troubled about Hanno's passionate preoccupation with his music, it was this dreaminess, this weeping, this total lack of freshness and energy, that he fixed upon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All his life the boy had been delicate. His teeth had been particularly bad, and had been the cause of many painful illnesses and difficulties. It had nearly cost him his life to cut his first set; the gums showed a constant tendency to inflammation, and there were abscesses, which Mamsell Jungmann used to open with a needle at the proper time. Now his second teeth were beginning to come in, and the suffering was even greater. He had almost more pain than he could bear, and he spent many sleepless, feverish nights. His teeth, when they came, were as white and beautiful as his mother's; but they were soft and brittle, and crowded each other out of shape when they came in; so that little Hanno was obliged, for the correction of all these evils, to make the acquaintance early in life of a very dreadful man&#8212;no less than Herr Brecht, the dentist, in Mill Street.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Even this man's name was significant: it suggested the frightful sensation in Hanno's jaw when the roots of a tooth were pulled, lifted, and wrenched out; the sound of it made Hanno's heart contract, just as it did when he cowered in an easy-chair in Herr Brecht's waiting-room, with the faithful Jungmann sitting opposite, and looked at the pictures in a magazine, while he breathed in the sharp-smelling air of the room and waited for the dentist to open the door of the operating-room, with his polite and horrible &#8220;Won't you come in, please?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This operating-room possessed one strange attraction, a gorgeous parrot with venomous little eyes, which sat in a brass cage in the corner and was called, for unknown reasons, Josephus. He used to say &#8220;Sit down; one moment, please,&#8221; in a voice like an old fish-wife's; and though the hideous circumstances made this sound like mockery, yet Hanno felt for the bird a curious mixture of fear and affection. Imagine&#8212;a parrot, a big, bright-coloured bird, that could talk and was called Josephus! He was like something out of an enchanted forest; like Grimm's fairy tales, which Ida read aloud to him. And when Herr Brecht opened the door, his invitation was repeated by Josephus in such a way that somehow Hanno was laughing when he went into the operating-room and sat down in the queer big chair by the window, next the treadle machine.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Brecht looked a good deal like Josephus. His nose was of the same shape, above his grizzled moustaches. The bad thing about him was that he was nervous, and dreaded the tortures he was obliged to inflict. &#8220;We must proceed to extraction, Fr&#228;ulein,&#8221; he would say, growing pale. Hanno himself was in a pale cold sweat, with staring eyes, incapable of protesting or running away; in short, in much the same condition as a condemned criminal. He saw Herr Brecht, with the forceps in his sleeve, bend over him, and noticed that little beads were standing out on his bald brow, and that his mouth was twisted. When it was all over, and Hanno, pale and trembling, spat blood into the blue basin at his side, Herr Brecht too had to sit down, and wipe his forehead and take a drink of water.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They assured little Johann that this man would do him good and save him suffering in the end. But when Hanno weighed his present pains against the positive good that had accrued from them, he felt that the former far outweighed the latter; and he regarded these visits to Mill Street as so much unnecessary torture. They removed four beautiful white molars which had just come in, to make room for the wisdom teeth expected later: this required four weeks of visits, in order not to subject the boy to too great a strain. It was a fearful time!&#8212;a long drawn-out martyrdom, in which dread of the next visit began before the last one, with its attendant exhaustion, was fairly over. When the last tooth was drawn, Hanno was quite worn out, and was ill in bed for a week.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This trouble with his teeth affected not only his spirits but also the functioning of all his other organs. What he could not chew he did not digest, and there came attacks of gastric fever, accompanied by fitful heart action, according as the heart was either weakened or too strongly stimulated. And there were spells of giddiness, while the &lt;i&gt;pavor nocturnus&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb24&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;pavor nocturnus &#8211; night terror&#034; id=&#034;nh24&#034;&gt;24&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, that strange affliction beloved of Dr. Grabow, continued unabated. Hardly a night passed that little Johann did not start up in bed, wringing his hands with every mark of unbearable anguish, and crying out piteously for help, as though some one were trying to choke him or some other awful thing were happening. In the morning he had forgotten it all. Dr. Grabow's treatment consisted of giving fruit-juice before the child went to bed; which had absolutely no effect.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The physical arrests and the pains which Hanno suffered made him old for his age; he was what is called precocious; and though this was not very obvious, being restrained in him, as it were, by his own unconscious good taste, still it expressed itself at times in the form of a melancholy superiority. &#8220;How are you, Hanno?&#8221; somebody would ask: his grandmother or one of the Broad Street Buddenbrooks. A little resigned curl of the lip, or a shrug of the shoulders in their blue sailor suit, would be the only answer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you like to go to school?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; answered Hanno, with quiet candour&#8212;he did not consider it worth while to try to tell a lie in such cases.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No? But one has to learn writing, reading, arithmetic&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And so on,&#8221; said little Johann.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No, he did not like going to school&#8212;the old monastic school with its cloisters and vaulted classrooms. He was hampered by his illnesses, and often absent-minded, for his thoughts would linger among his harmonic combinations, or upon the still unravelled marvel of some piece which he had heard his mother and Herr Pf&#252;hl playing; and all this did not help him on in the sciences. These lower classes were taught by assistant masters and seminarists, for whom he entertained mingled feelings: a dread of possible future punishments and a secret contempt for their social inferiority, their spiritual limitations, and their physical unkemptness. Herr Tietge, a little grey man in a greasy black coat, who had taught in the school even in the time of the deceased Marcellus Stengel; who squinted abominably and sought to remedy this defect by wearing glasses as thick and round as a ship's port-holes&#8212;Herr Tietge told little Johann how quick and industrious his father had been at figures. Herr Tietge had severe fits of coughing, and spat all over the floor of his platform.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno had, among his schoolmates, no intimates save one. But this single bond was very close, even from his earliest school days. His friend was a child of aristocratic birth but neglected appearance, a certain Count M&#246;lln, whose first name was Kai.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kai was a lad of about Hanno's height, dressed not in a sailor suit, but in shabby clothes of uncertain colour, with here and there a button missing, and a great patch in the seat. His arms were too long for the sleeves of his coat, and his hands seemed impregnated with dust and earth to a permanent grey colour; but they were unusually narrow and elegant, with long fingers and tapering nails. His head was to match: neglected, uncombed, and none too clean, but endowed by nature with all the marks of pure and noble birth. The carelessly parted hair, reddish-blond in colour, waved back from a white brow, and a pair of light-blue eyes gleamed bright and keen from beneath. The cheek-bones were slightly prominent: while the nose, with its delicate nostrils and slightly aquiline curve, and the mouth, with its short upper lip, were already quite unmistakable and characteristic.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno Buddenbrook had seen the little count once or twice, even before they met at school, when he took his walks with Ida northward from the Castle Gate. Some distance outside the town, nearly as far as the first outlying village, lay a small farm, a tiny, almost valueless property without even a name. The passer-by got the impression of a dunghill, a quantity of chickens, a dog-hut, and a wretched, kennel-like building with a sloping red roof. This was the manor-house, and therein dwelt Kai's father, Count Eberhard M&#246;lln.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was an eccentric, hardly ever seen by anybody, busy on his dunghill with his dogs, his chickens, and his vegetable-patch: a large man in top-boots, with a green frieze jacket. He had a bald head and a huge grey beard like the tail of a turnip; he carried a riding-whip in his hand, though he had no horse to his name, and wore a monocle stuck into his eye under the bushy eyebrow. Except him and his son, there was no Count M&#246;lln in all the length and breadth of the land any more: the various branches of a once rich, proud, and powerful family had gradually withered off, until now there was only an aunt, with whom Kai's father was not on terms. She wrote romances for the family story-papers, under a dashing pseudonym. The story was told of Count Eberhard that when he first withdrew to his little farm, he devised a means of protecting himself from the importunities of peddlers, beggars, and busy-bodies. He put up a sign which read: &#8220;Here lives Count M&#246;lln. He wants nothing, buys nothing, and gives nothing away.&#8221; When the sign had served its purpose, he removed it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Motherless&#8212;for the Countess had died when her child was born, and the housework was done by an elderly female&#8212;little Kai grew up like a wild animal, among the dogs and chickens; and here Hanno Buddenbrook had looked at him shyly from a distance, as he leaped like a rabbit among the cabbages, romped with the dogs, and frightened the fowls by turning somersaults.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They met again in the schoolroom, where Hanno probably felt again his first alarm at the little Count's unkempt exterior. But not for long. A sure instinct had led him to pay no heed to the outward negligence; had shown him instead the white brow, the delicate mouth, the finely shaped blue eyes, which looked with a sort of resentful hostility into his own; and Hanno felt sympathy for this one alone among all his fellows. But he would never, by himself, have taken the first steps; he was too timid for that. Without the ruthless impetuosity of little Kai they might have remained strangers, after all. The passionate rapidity of his approach even frightened Hanno, at first. The neglected little count sued for the favour of the quiet, elegantly dressed Hanno with a fiery, aggressive masculinity impossible to resist. Kai could not, it is true, help Hanno with his lessons. His untamed spirits were as hostile to the &#8220;tables&#8221; as was little Buddenbrook's dreamy abstractedness. But he gave him everything he had: glass bullets, wooden tops, even a broken lead pistol which was his dearest treasure. During the recess he told him about his home and the puppies and chickens, and walked with him at midday as far as he dared, though Ida Jungmann, with a packet of sandwiches, was always waiting for her fledgling at the school gate. It was from Ida that Kai heard little Buddenbrook's nickname; he took it up, and never called him henceforth by anything else.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
One day he demanded that Hanno, instead of going to the Mill-wall, should take a walk with him to his father's house to see the baby guinea-pigs. Fr&#228;ulein Jungmann finally yielded to the teasing of the two children. They strolled out to the noble domain, viewed the dunghill, the vegetables, the fowls, dogs, and guinea-pigs, and even went into the house, where in a long low room on the ground floor, Count Eberhard sat in defiant isolation, reading at a clumsy table. He asked crossly what they wanted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ida Jungmann could not be brought to repeat the visit. She insisted that, if the two children wished to be together, Kai could visit Hanno instead. So for the first time, with honest admiration, but no trace of shyness, Kai entered Hanno's beautiful home. After that he went often. Soon nothing but the deep winter snows prevented him from making the long way back again for the sake of a few hours with his friend.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They sat in the large play-room in the second storey and did their lessons together. There were long sums that covered both sides of the slate with additions, subtractions, multiplications, and divisions, and had to come out to zero in the end; otherwise there was a mistake, and they must hunt and hunt till they had found the little beast and exterminated him. Then they had to study grammar, and learn the rules of comparison, and write down very neat, tidy examples underneath. Thus: &#8220;Horn is transparent, glass is more transparent, light is most transparent.&#8221; They took their exercise-books and conned sentences like the following: &#8220;I received a letter, saying that he felt aggrieved because he believed that you had deceived him.&#8221; The fell intent of this sentence, so full of pitfalls, was that you should write &lt;i&gt;ei&lt;/i&gt; where you ought to write &lt;i&gt;ie&lt;/i&gt;, and contrariwise. They had, in fact, done that very thing, and now it must be corrected. But when all was finished they might put their books aside and sit on the window-ledge while Ida read to them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The good soul read about Cinderella, about the prince who could not shiver and shake, about Rumpelstiltskin, about Rapunzel and the Frog Prince&#8212;in her deep, patient voice, her eyes half-shut, for she knew the stories by heart, she had read them so often. She wet her finger and turned the page automatically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But after a while Kai, who possessed the constant craving to do something himself, to have some effect on his surroundings, would close the book and begin to tell stories himself. It was a good idea, for they knew all the printed ones, and Ida needed a rest sometimes, too. Kai's stories were short and simple at first, but they expanded and grew bolder and more complicated with time. The interesting thing about them was that they never stood quite in the air, but were based upon a reality which he presented in a new and mysterious light. Hanno particularly liked the one about the wicked enchanter who tortured all human beings by his malignant art; who had captured a beautiful prince named Josephus and turned him into a green-and-red parrot, which he kept in a gilded cage. But in a far distant land the chosen hero was growing up, who should one day fearlessly advance at the head of an invincible army of dogs, chickens, and guinea-pigs and slay the base enchanter with a single sword-thrust, and deliver all the world&#8212;in particular, Hanno Buddenbrook&#8212;from his clutches. Then Josephus would be restored to his proper form and return to his kingdom, in which Kai and Hanno would be appointed to high offices.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Senator Buddenbrook saw the two friends together now and then, as he passed the door of the play-room. He had nothing against the intimacy, for it was clear that the two lads did each other good. Hanno gentled, tamed, and ennobled Kai, who loved him tenderly, admired his white hands, and, for his sake, let Ida Jungmann wash his own with soap and a nail-brush. And if Hanno could absorb some of his friend's wild energy and spirits, it would be welcome, for the Senator realized keenly the constant feminine influence that surrounded the boy, and knew that it was not the best means for developing his manly qualities.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The faithful devotion of the good Ida could not be repaid with gold. She had been in the family now for more than thirty years. She had cared for the previous generations with self-abnegation; but Hanno she carried in her arms, lapped him in tender care, and loved him to idolatry. She had a na&#239;ve, unshakable belief in his privileged station in life, which sometimes went to the length of absurdity. In whatever touched him she showed a surprising, even an unpleasant effrontery. Suppose, for instance, she took him with her to buy cakes at the pastry-shop: she would poke among the sweets on the counter and select a piece for Hanno, which she would coolly hand him without paying for it&#8212;the man should feel himself honoured, indeed! And before a crowded show-window she would ask the people in front, in her west-Prussian dialect, pleasantly enough, but with decision, to make a place for her charge. He was so uncommon in her eyes that she felt there was hardly another child in the world worthy to touch him. In little Kai's case, the mutual preference of the two children had been too strong for her. Possibly she was a little taken by his name, too. But if other children came up to them on the Mill-wall, as she sat with Hanno on a bench, Fr&#228;ulein Jungmann would get up almost at once, make some excuse or other&#8212;it was late, or there was a draught&#8212;and take her charge away. The pretexts she gave to little Johann would have led him to believe that all his contemporaries were either scrofulous of full of &#8220;evil humours,&#8221; and that he himself was a solitary exception; which did not tend to increase his already deficient confidence and ease of manner.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Senator Buddenbrook did not know all the details; but he saw enough to convince him that his son's development was not taking the desired course. If he could only take his upbringing in his own hands, and mould his spirit by daily and hourly contact! But he had not the time. He perceived the lamentable failure of his occasional efforts: he knew they only strained the relations between father and son. In his mind was a picture which he longed to reproduce: it was a picture of Hanno's great-grandfather, whom he himself had known as a boy: a clear-sighted man, jovial, simple, sturdy, humorous&#8212;why could not little Johann grow up like that? If only he could suppress or forbid the music, which was surely not good for the lad's physical development, absorbed his powers, and took his mind from the practical affairs of life! That dreamy nature&#8212;did it not almost, at times, border on irresponsibility?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
One day, some three quarters of an hour before dinner, Hanno had gone down alone to the first storey. He had practised for a long time on the piano, and now was idling about in the living-room. He half lay, half sat, on the chaise-longue, tying and untying his sailor's knot, and his eyes, roving aimlessly about, caught sight of an open portfolio on his mother's nut-wood writing-table. It was the leather case with the family papers. He rested his elbow on the sofa-cushion, and his chin in his hand, and looked at the things for a while from a distance. Papa must have had them out after second breakfast, and left them there because he was not finished with them. Some of the papers were sticking in the portfolio, some loose sheets lying outside were weighted with a metal ruler, and the large gilt-edged notebook with the motley paper lay there open.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno slipped idly down from the sofa and went to the writing-table. The book was open at the Buddenbrook family tree, set forth in the hand of his various forbears, including his father; complete, with rubrics, parentheses, and plainly marked dates. Kneeling with one knee on the desk-chair, leaning his head with its soft waves of brown hair on the palm of his hand, Hanno looked at the manuscript sidewise, carelessly critical, a little contemptuous, and supremely indifferent, letting his free hand toy with Mamma's gold-and-ebony pen. His eyes roved all over these names, masculine and feminine, some of them in queer old-fashioned writing with great flourishes, written in faded yellow or thick black ink, to which little grains of sand were sticking. At the very bottom, in Papa's small, neat handwriting that ran so fast over the page, he read his own name, under that of his parents: Justus, Johann, Kaspar, born April 15, 1861. He liked looking at it. He straightened up a little, and took the ruler and pen, still rather idly; let his eye travel once more over the whole genealogical host; then, with absent care, mechanically and dreamily, he made with the gold pen a beautiful, clean double line diagonally across the entire page, the upper one heavier than the lower, just as he had been taught to embellish the page of his arithmetic book. He looked at his work with his head on one side, and then moved away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After dinner the Senator called him up and surveyed him with his eyebrows drawn together.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is this? Where did it come from? Did you do it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno had to think a minute, whether he really had done it; and then he answered &#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What for? What is the matter with you? Answer me! What possessed you, to do such a mischievous thing?&#8221; cried the Senator, and struck Hanno's cheek lightly with the rolled-up notebook.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And little Johann stammered, retreating, with his hand to his cheek, &#8220;I thought&#8212;I thought&#8212;there was nothing else coming.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Nowadays, when the family gathered at table on Thursdays, under the calmly smiling gaze of the immortals on the walls, they had a new and serious theme. It called out on the faces of the female Buddenbrooks, at least the Broad Street ones, an expression of cold restraint. But it highly excited Frau Permaneder, as her manner and gestures betrayed. She tossed back her head, stretched out her arms before her, or flung them above her head as she talked; and her voice showed by turns anger and dismay, passionate opposition and deep feeling. She would pass over from the particular to the general, and talk in her throaty voice about wicked people, interrupting herself with the little cough that was due to poor digestion. Or she would utter little trumpetings of disgust: Teary Trietschke, Gr&#252;nlich, Permaneder! A new name had now been added to these, and she pronounced it in a tone of indescribable scorn and hatred: &#8220;The District Attorney!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But when Director Hugo Weinschenk entered&#8212;late, as usual, for he was overwhelmed with work; balancing his two fists and weaving about more than ever at the waist of his frock-coat&#8212;and sat down at table, his lower lip hanging down with its impudent expression under his moustaches, then the conversation would come to a full stop, and heavy silence would brood over the table until the Senator came to the rescue by asking the Director how his affair was going on&#8212;as if it were an ordinary business dealing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hugo Weinschenk would answer that things were going very well, very well indeed, they could not go otherwise; and then he would blithely change the subject. He was much more sprightly than he used to be; there was a certain lack of restraint in his roving eye, and he would ask ever so many times about Gerda Buddenbrook's fiddle without getting any reply. He talked freely and gaily&#8212;only it was a pity his flow of spirits prevented him from guarding his tongue; for he now and then told anecdotes which were not at all suited to the company. One, in particular, was about a wet-nurse who prejudiced the health of her charge by the fact that she suffered from flatulence. Too late, or not at all, he remarked that his wife was flushing rosy red, that Thomas, the Frau Consul and Gerda were sitting like statues, and the Misses Buddenbrook exchanging glances that were fairly boring holes in each other. Even Riekchen Severin was looking insulted at the bottom of the table, and old Consul Kr&#246;ger was the single one of the company who gave even a subdued snort.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was the trouble with Director Weinschenk? This industrious, solid citizen with the rough exterior and no social graces, who devoted himself with an obstinate sense of duty to his work alone&#8212;this man was supposed to have been guilty, not once but repeatedly, of a serious fault: he was accused of, he had been indicted for, performing a business man&#339;uvre which was not only questionable, but directly dishonest and criminal. There would be a trial, the outcome of which was not easy to guess. What was he accused of? It was this: certain fires of considerable extent had taken place in different localities, which would have cost his company large sums of money. Director Weinschenk was accused of having received private information of such accidents through his agents, and then, in wrongful possession of this information, of having transferred the back insurance to another firm, thus saving his own the loss. The matter was now in the hands of the State Attorney, Dr. Moritz Hagenstr&#246;m.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thomas,&#8221; said the Frau Consul in private to her son, &#8220;please explain it to me. I do not understand. What do you make of the affair?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, my dear Mother,&#8221; he answered, &#8220;what is there to say? It does not look as though things were quite as they should be&#8212;unfortunately. It seems unlikely to me that Weinschenk is as guilty as people think. In the modern style of doing business, there is a thing they call usance. And usance&#8212;well, imagine a sort of man&#339;uvre, not exactly open and above-board, something that looks dishonest to the man in the street, yet perhaps quite customary and taken for granted in the business world: that is usance. The boundary line between usance and actual dishonesty is extremely hard to draw. Well&#8212;if Weinschenk has done anything he shouldn't, he has probably done no more than a good many of his colleagues who will not get caught. But&#8212;I don't see much chance of his being cleared. Perhaps in a larger city he might be, but here everything depends on cliques and personal motives. He should have borne that in mind in selecting his lawyer. It is true that we have no really eminent lawyer in the whole town, nobody with superior oratorical talent, who knows all the ropes and is versed in dubious transactions. All our jurists hang together; they have family connections, in many cases; they eat together; they work together, and they are accustomed to considering each other. In my opinion, it would have been clever to take a town lawyer. But what did Weinschenk do? He thought it necessary&#8212;and this in itself makes his innocence look doubtful&#8212;to get a lawyer from Berlin, a Dr. Breslauer, who is a regular rake, an accomplished orator and up to all the tricks of the trade. He has the reputation of having got so-and-so many dishonest bankrupts off scot-free. He will conduct this affair with the same cleverness&#8212;for a consideration. But will it do any good? I can see already that our town lawyers will band together to fight him tooth and nail, and that Dr. Hagenstr&#246;m's hearers will already be prepossessed in his favour. As for the witnesses: well, Weinschenk's own staff won't be any too friendly to him, I'm afraid. What we indulgently call his rough exterior&#8212;he would call it that, himself, too&#8212;has not made him many friends. In short, Mother, I am looking forward to trouble. It will be a pity for Erica, if it turns out badly; but I feel most for Tony. You see, she is quite right in saying that Hagenstr&#246;m is glad of the chance. The thing concerns all of us, and the disgrace will fall on us too; for Weinschenk belongs to the family and eats at our table. As far as I am concerned, I can manage. I know what I have to do: in public, I shall act as if I had nothing whatever to do with the affair. I will not go to the trial&#8212;although I am sorry not to, for Breslauer is sure to be interesting. And in general I must behave with complete indifference, to protect myself from the imputation of wanting to use my influence. But Tony? I don't like to think what a sad business a conviction will be for her. She protests vehemently against envious intrigues and calumniators and all that; but what really moves her is her anxiety lest, after all her other troubles, she may see her daughter's honourable position lost as well. It is the last blow. She will protest her belief in Weinschenk's innocence the more loudly the more she is forced to doubt it. Well, he may be innocent, after all. We can only wait and see, Mother, and be very tactful with him and Tony and Erica. But I'm afraid&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was under these circumstances that the Christmas feast drew near, to which little Hanno was counting the days, with a beating heart and the help of a calendar manufactured by Ida Jungmann, with a Christmas tree on the last leaf.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The signs of festivity increased. Ever since the first Sunday in Advent a great gaily coloured picture of a certain Ruprecht had been hanging on the wall in grandmama's dining-room. And one morning Hanno found his covers and the rug beside his bed sprinkled with gold tinsel. A few days later, as Papa was lying with his newspaper on the living-room sofa, and Hanno was reading &#8220;The Witch of Endor&#8221; out of Gerock's &#8220;Palm Leaves,&#8221; an &#8220;old man&#8221; was announced. This had happened every year since Hanno was a baby&#8212;and yet was always a surprise. They asked him in, this &#8220;old man,&#8221; and he came shuffling along in a big coat with the fur side out, sprinkled with bits of cotton-wool and tinsel. He wore a fur cap, and his face had black smudges on it, and his beard was long and white. The beard and the big, bushy eyebrows were also sprinkled with tinsel. He explained&#8212;as he did every year&#8212;in a harsh voice, that &lt;i&gt;this&lt;/i&gt; sack (on his left shoulder) was for good children, who said their prayers (it contained apples and gilded nuts); but that &lt;i&gt;this&lt;/i&gt; sack (on his right shoulder) was for naughty children. The &#8220;old man&#8221; was, of course, Ruprecht; perhaps not actually the real Ruprecht&#8212;it might even be Wenzel the barber, dressed up in Papa's coat turned fur side out&#8212;but it was as much Ruprecht as possible. Hanno, greatly impressed, said Our Father for him, as he had last year&#8212;both times interrupting himself now and again with a little nervous sob&#8212;and was permitted to put his hand into the sack for good children, which the &#8220;old man&#8221; forgot to take away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The holidays came, and there was not much trouble over the report, which had to be presented for Papa to read, even at Christmas-time. The great dining-room was closed and mysterious, and there were marzipan and gingerbread to eat&#8212;and in the streets, Christmas had already come. Snow fell, the weather was frosty, and on the sharp clear air were borne the notes of the barrel-organ, for the Italians, with their velvet jackets and their black moustaches, had arrived for the Christmas feast. The shop-windows were gay with toys and goodies; the booths for the Christmas fair had been erected in the market-place; and wherever you went you breathed in the fresh, spicy odour of the Christmas trees set out for sale.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The evening of the twenty-third came at last, and with it the present-giving in the house in Fishers' Lane. This was attended by the family only&#8212;it was a sort of dress rehearsal for the Christmas Eve party given by the Frau Consul in Meng Street. She clung to the old customs, and reserved the twenty-fourth for a celebration to which the whole family group was bidden; which, accordingly, in the late afternoon, assembled in the landscape-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old lady, flushed of cheek, and with feverish eyes, arrayed in a heavy black-and-grey striped silk that gave out a faint scent of patchouli, received her guests as they entered, and embraced them silently, her gold bracelets tinkling. She was strangely excited this evening&#8212; &#8220;Why, Mother, you're fairly trembling,&#8221; the Senator said when he came in with Gerda and Hanno. &#8220;Everything will go off very easily.&#8221; But she only whispered, kissing all three of them, &#8220;For Jesus Christ's sake&#8212;and my blessed Jean's.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Indeed, the whole consecrated programme instituted by the deceased Consul had to be carried out to the smallest detail; and the poor lady fluttered about, driven by her sense of responsibility for the fitting accomplishment of the evening's performance, which must be pervaded with a deep and fervent joy. She went restlessly back and forth, from the pillared hall where the choir-boys from St. Mary's were already assembled, to the dining-room, where Riekchen Severin was putting the finishing touches to the tree and the table-full of presents, to the corridor full of shrinking old people&#8212;the &#8220;poor&#8221; who were to share in the presents&#8212;and back into the landscape-room, where she rebuked every unnecessary word or sound with one of her mild sidelong glances. It was so still that the sound of a distant hand-organ, faint and clear like a toy music-box, came across to them through the snowy streets. Some twenty persons or more were sitting or standing about in the room; yet it was stiller than a church&#8212;so still that, as the Senator cautiously whispered to Uncle Justus, it reminded one more of a funeral!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was really no danger that the solemnity of the feast would be rudely broken in upon by youthful high spirits. A glance showed that almost all the persons in the room were arrived at an age when the forms of expression are already long ago fixed. Senator Thomas Buddenbrook, whose pallor gave the lie to his alert, energetic, humorous expression; Gerda, his wife, leaning back in her chair, the gleaming, blue-ringed eyes in her pale face gazing fixedly at the crystal prisms in the chandelier; his sister, Frau Permaneder; his cousin, J&#252;rgen Kr&#246;ger, a quiet, neatly-dressed official; Friederike, Henriette, and Pfiffi, the first two more long and lean, the third smaller and plumper than ever, but all three wearing their stereotyped expression, their sharp, spiteful smile at everything and everybody, as though they were perpetually saying &#8220;Really&#8212;it seems incredible!&#8221; Lastly, there was poor, ashen-grey Clothilde, whose thoughts were probably fixed upon the coming meal.&#8212;Every one of these persons was past forty. The hostess herself, her brother Justus and his wife, and little Therese Weichbrodt were all well past sixty; while old Frau Consul Buddenbrook, Uncle Gotthold's widow, born St&#252;wing, as well as Madame Kethelsen, now, alas almost entirely deaf, were already in the seventies.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Erica Weinschenk was the only person present in the bloom of youth; she was much younger than her husband, whose cropped, greying head stood out against the idyllic landscape behind him. When her eyes&#8212;the light-blue eyes of Herr Gr&#252;nlich&#8212;rested upon him, you could see how her full bosom rose and fell without a sound, and how she was beset with anxious, bewildered thoughts about usance and book-keeping, witnesses, prosecuting attorneys, defence, and judges. Thoughts like these, un-Christmaslike though they were, troubled everybody in the room. They all felt uncanny at the presence in their midst of a member of the family who was actually accused of an offence against the law, the civic weal, and business probity, and who would probably be visited by shame and imprisonment. Here was a Christmas family party at the Buddenbrooks'&#8212;with an accused man in the circle! Frau Permaneder's dignity became majestic, and the smile of the Misses Buddenbrook more and more pointed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And what of the children, the scant posterity upon whom rested the family hopes? Were they conscious too of the slightly uncanny atmosphere? The state of mind of the little Elisabeth could not be fathomed. She sat on her bonne's lap in a frock trimmed by Frau Permaneder with satin bows, folded her small hands into fists, sucked her tongue, and stared straight ahead of her. Now and then she would utter a brief sound, like a grunt, and the nurse would rock her a little on her arm. But Hanno sat still on his footstool at his mother's knee and stared up, like her, into the chandelier.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian was missing&#8212;where was he? At the last minute they noticed his absence. The Frau Consul's characteristic gesture, from the corner of her mouth up to her temple, as though putting back a refractory hair, became frequent and feverish. She gave an order to Mamsell Severin, and the spinster went out through the hall, past the choir-boys and the &#8220;poor&#8221; and down the corridor to Christian's room, where she knocked on the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian appeared straightway; he limped casually into the landscape-room, rubbing his bald brow. &#8220;Good gracious, children,&#8221; he said, &#8220;I nearly forgot the party!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You nearly forgot&#8212;&#8221; his mother repeated, and stiffened.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I really forgot it was Christmas. I was reading a book of travel, about South America.&#8212;Dear me, I've seen such a lot of Christmases!&#8221; he added, and was about to launch out upon a description of a Christmas in a fifth-rate variety theatre in London&#8212;when all at once the church-like hush of the room began to work upon him, and he moved on tip-toe to his place, wrinkling up his nose.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Rejoice, O Daughter of Zion!&#8221; sang the choir-boys. They had previously been indulging in such audible practical jokes that the Senator had to get up and stand in the doorway to inspire respect. But now they sang beautifully. The clear treble, sustained by the deeper voices, soared up in pure, exultant, glorifying tones, bearing all hearts along with them: softening the smiles of the spinsters, making the old folk look in upon themselves and back upon the past; easing the hearts of those still in the midst of life's tribulations, and helping them to forget for a little while.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno unclasped his hands from about his knees. He looked very pale, and cold, played with the fringe of his stool, and twisted his tongue about among his teeth. He had to draw a deep breath every little while, for his heart contracted with a joy almost painful at the exquisite bell-like purity of the chorale. The white folding doors were still tightly closed, but the spicy poignant odour drifted through the cracks and whetted one's appetite for the wonder within. Each year with throbbing pulses he awaited this vision of ineffable, unearthly splendour. What would there be for him, in there? What he had wished for, of course; there was always that&#8212;unless he had been persuaded out of it beforehand. The theatre, then, the long-desired toy theatre, would spring at him as the door opened, and show him the way to his place. This was the suggestion which had stood heavily underlined at the top of his list, ever since he had seen &lt;i&gt;Fidelio&lt;/i&gt;; indeed, since then, it had been almost his single thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had been taken to the opera as compensation for a particularly painful visit to Herr Brecht; sitting beside his mother, in the dress circle, he had followed breathless a performance of &lt;i&gt;Fidelio&lt;/i&gt;, and since that time he had heard nothing, seen nothing, thought of nothing but opera, and a passion for the theatre filled him and almost kept him sleepless. He looked enviously at people like Uncle Christian, who was known as a regular frequenter and might go every night if he liked: Consul D&#246;hlmann, Gosch the broker&#8212;how could they endure the joy of seeing it every night? He himself would ask no more than to look once a week into the hall, before the performance: hear the voices of the instruments being tuned, and gaze for a while at the curtain! For he loved it all, the seats, the musicians, the drop-curtain&#8212;even the smell of gas.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Would his theatre be large? What sort of curtain would it have? A tiny hole must be cut in it at once&#8212;there was a peep-hole in the curtain at the theatre. Had Grandmamma, or rather had Mamsell Severin&#8212;for Grandmamma could not see to everything herself&#8212;been able to find all the necessary scenery for &lt;i&gt;Fidelio&lt;/i&gt;? He determined to shut himself up to-morrow and give a performance all by himself, and already in fancy he heard his little figures singing: for he was approaching the theatre by way of his music.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Exult, Jerusalem!&#8221; finished the choir; and their voices, following one another in fugue form, united joyously in the last syllable. The clear accord died away; deep silence reigned in the pillared hall and the landscape-room. The elders looked down, oppressed by the pause; only Director Weinschenk's eyes roved boldly about, and Frau Permaneder coughed her dry cough, which she could not suppress. Now the Frau Consul moved slowly to the table and sat among her family. She turned up the lamp and took in her hands the great Bible with its edges of faded gold-leaf. She stuck her glasses on her nose, unfastened the two great leather hasps of the book, opened it to the place where there was a bookmark, took a sip of &lt;i&gt;eau sucr&#233;e&lt;/i&gt;, and began to read, from the yellowed page with the large print, the Christmas chapter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She read the old familiar words with a simple, heart-felt accent that sounded clear and moving in the pious hush. &#8220;&#8216;And to men good will,'&#8221; she finished, and from the pillared hall came a trio of voices: &#8220;Holy night, peaceful night!&#8221; The family in the landscape-room joined in. They did so cautiously, for most of them were unmusical, as a tone now and then betrayed. But that in no wise impaired the effect of the old hymn. Frau Permaneder sang with trembling lips; it sounded sweetest and most touching to the heart of her who had a troubled life behind her, and looked back upon it in the brief peace of this holy hour. Madame Kethelsen wept softly, but comprehended nothing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now the Frau Consul rose. She grasped the hands of her grandson Johann and her granddaughter Elisabeth, and proceeded through the room. The elders of the family fell in behind, and the younger brought up the rear; the servants and poor joined in from the hall; and so they marched, singing with one accord &#8220;Oh, Evergreen&#8221;&#8212;Uncle Christian sang &#8220;Oh, Everblue,&#8221; and made the children laugh by lifting up his legs like a jumping-jack&#8212;through the wide-open, lofty folding doors, and straight into Paradise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The whole great room was filled with the fragrance of slightly singed evergreen twigs and glowing with light from countless tiny flames. The sky-blue hangings with the white figures on them added to the brilliance. There stood the mighty tree, between the dark-red window-curtains, towering nearly to the ceiling, decorated with silver tinsel and large white lilies, with a shining angel at the top and the manger at the foot. Its candles twinkled in the general flood of light like far-off stars. And a row of tiny trees, also full of stars and hung with comfits, stood on the long white table, laden with presents, that stretched from the window to the door. All the gas-brackets on the wall were lighted too, and thick candles burned in all four of the gilded candelabra in the corners of the room. Large objects, too large to stand upon the table, were arranged upon the floor, and two smaller tables, likewise adorned with tiny trees and covered with gifts for the servants and the poor, stood on either side of the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dazzled by the light and the unfamiliar look of the room, they marched once around it, singing, filed past the manger where lay the little wax figure of the Christ-child, and then moved to their places and stood silent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno was quite dazed. His fevered glance had soon sought out the theatre, which, as it stood there upon the table, seemed larger and grander than anything he had dared to dream of. But his place had been changed&#8212;it was now opposite to where he had stood last year, and this made him doubtful whether the theatre was really his. And on the floor beneath it was something else, a large, mysterious something, which had surely not been on his list; a piece of furniture, that looked like a commode&#8212;could it be meant for him?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come here, my dear child,&#8221; said the Frau Consul, &#8220;and look at this.&#8221; She lifted the lid. &#8220;I know you like to play chorals. Herr Pf&#252;hl will show you how. You must tread all the time, sometimes more and sometimes less; and then, not lift up the hands, but change the fingers so, &lt;i&gt;peu &#224; peu&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb25&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;peu &#224; peu &#8211; little by little&#034; id=&#034;nh25&#034;&gt;25&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a harmonium&#8212;a pretty little thing of polished brown wood, with metal handles at the sides, gay bellows worked with a treadle, and a neat revolving stool. Hanno struck a chord. A soft organ tone released itself and made the others look up from their presents. He hugged his grandmother, who pressed him tenderly to her, and then left him to receive the thanks of her other guests.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He turned to his theatre. The harmonium was an overpowering dream&#8212;which just now he had no time to indulge. There was a superfluity of joy; and he lost sight of single gifts in trying to see and notice everything at once. Ah, here was the prompter's box, a shell-shaped one, and a beautiful red and gold curtain rolled up and down behind it. The stage was set for the last act of &lt;i&gt;Fidelio&lt;/i&gt;. The poor prisoners stood with folded hands. Don Pizarro, in enormous puffed sleeves, was striking a permanent and awesome attitude, and the minister, in black velvet, approached from behind with hasty strides, to turn all to happiness. It was just as in the theatre, only almost more beautiful. The Jubilee chorus, the finale, echoed in Hanno's ears, and he sat down at the harmonium to play a fragment which stuck in his memory. But he got up again, almost at once, to take up the book he had wished for, a mythology, in a red binding with a gold Pallas Athene on the cover. He ate some of the sweetmeats from his plate full of marzipan, gingerbread, and other goodies, looked through various small articles like writing utensils and school-bag&#8212;and for the moment forgot everything else, to examine a penholder with a tiny glass bulb on it: when you held this up to your eye, you saw, like magic, a broad Swiss landscape.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mamsell Severin and the maid passed tea and biscuits; and while Hanno dipped and ate, he had time to look about. Every one stood talking and laughing; they all showed each other their presents and admired the presents of others. Objects of porcelain, silver, gold, nickel, wood, silk, cloth, and every other conceivable material lay on the table. Huge loaves of decorated gingerbread, alternating with loaves of marzipan, stood in long rows, still moist and fresh. All the presents made by Frau Permaneder were decorated with huge satin bows.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now and then some one came up to little Johann, put an arm across his shoulders, and looked at his presents with the overdone, cynical admiration which people manufacture for the treasures of children. Uncle Christian was the only person who did not display this grown-up arrogance. He sauntered over to his nephew's place, with a diamond ring on his finger, a present from his mother; and his pleasure in the toy theatre was as unaffected as Hanno's own.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;By George, that's fine,&#8221; he said, letting the curtain up and down, and stepping back for a view of the scenery. &#8220;Did you ask for it? Oh, so you did ask for it!&#8221; he suddenly said after a pause, during which his eyes had roved about the room as though he were full of unquiet thoughts. &#8220;Why did you ask for it? What made you think of it? Have you been in the theatre? &lt;i&gt;Fidelio&lt;/i&gt;, eh? Yes, they give that well. And you want to imitate it, do you? Do opera yourself, eh? Did it make such an impression on you? Listen, son&#8212;take my advice: don't think too much about such things&#8212;theatre, and that sort of thing. It's no good. Believe your old uncle. I've always spent too much time on them, and that is why I haven't come to much good. I've made great mistakes, you know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus he held forth to his nephew, while Hanno looked up at him curiously. He paused, and his bony, emaciated face cleared up as he regarded the little theatre. Then he suddenly moved forward one of the figures on the stage, and sang, in a cracked and hollow tremolo, &#8220;Ha, what terrible transgression!&#8221; He sat down on the piano-stool, which he shoved up in front of the theatre, and began to give a performance, singing all the r&#244;les and the accompaniment as well, and gesticulating furiously. The family gathered at his back, laughed, nodded their heads, and enjoyed it immensely. As for Hanno, his pleasure was profound. Christian broke off, after a while, very abruptly. His face clouded, he rubbed his hand over his skull and down his left side, and turned to his audience with his nose wrinkled and his face quite drawn.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There it is again,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I never have a little fun without having to pay for it. It is not an ordinary pain, you know, it is a misery, down all this left side, because the nerves are too short.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But his relatives took his complaints as little seriously as they had his entertainment. They hardly answered him, but indifferently dispersed, leaving Christian sitting before the little theatre in silence. He blinked rapidly for a bit and then got up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, child,&#8221; said he, stroking Hanno's head: &#8220;amuse yourself with it, but not too much, you know: don't neglect your work for it, do you hear? I have made a great many mistakes.&#8212;I think I'll go over to the club for a while,&#8221; he said to the elders. &#8220;They are celebrating there to-day, too. Good-bye for the present.&#8221; And he went off across the hall, on his stiff, crooked legs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They had all eaten the midday meal earlier than usual to-day, and been hungry for the tea and biscuits. But they had scarcely finished when great crystal bowls were handed round full of a yellow, grainy substance which turned out to be almond cream. It was a mixture of eggs, ground almonds, and rose-water, tasting perfectly delicious; but if you ate even a tiny spoonful too much, the result was an attack of indigestion. However, the company was not restrained by fear of consequences&#8212;even though Frau Consul begged them to &#8220;leave a little corner for supper.&#8221; Clothilde, in particular, performed miracles with the almond cream, and lapped it up like so much porridge, with heart-felt gratitude. There was also wine jelly in glasses, and English plum-cake. Gradually they all moved over to the landscape-room, where they sat with their plates round the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno remained alone in the dining-room. Little Elisabeth Weinschenk had already been taken home; but he was to stop up for supper, for the first time in his life. The servants and the poor folk had had their presents and gone; Ida Jungmann was chattering with Riekchen Severin in the hall&#8212;although generally, as a governess, she preserved a proper distance between herself and the Frau Consul's maid.&#8212;The lights of the great tree were burnt down and extinguished, the manger was in darkness. But a few candles still burned on the small trees, and now and then a twig came within reach of the flame and crackled up, increasing the pungent smell in the room. Every breath of air that stirred the trees stirred the pieces of tinsel too, and made them give out a delicate metallic whisper. It was still enough to hear the hand-organ again, sounding through the frosty air from a distant street.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno abandoned himself to the enjoyment of the Christmas sounds and smells. He propped his head on his hand and read in his mythology book, munching mechanically the while, because that was proper to the day: marzipan, sweetmeats, almond cream, and plum-cake; until the chest-oppression caused by an over-loaded stomach mingled with the sweet excitation of the evening and gave him a feeling of pensive felicity. He read about the struggles of Zeus before he arrived at the headship of the gods; and every now and then he listened into the other room, where they were going at length into the future of poor Aunt Clothilde.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Clothilde, on this evening, was far and away the happiest of them all. A smile lighted up her colourless face as she received congratulations and teasing from all sides; her voice even broke now and then out of joyful emotion. She had at last been made a member of the Order of St. John. The Senator had succeeded by subterranean methods in getting her admitted, not without some private grumblings about nepotism, on the part of certain gentlemen. Now the family all discussed the excellent institution, which was similar to the homes in Mecklenburg, Dobberthien, and Ribnitz, for ladies from noble families. The object of these establishments was the suitable care of portionless women from old and worthy families. Poor Clothilde was now assured of a small but certain income, which would increase with the years, and finally, when she had succeeded to the highest class, would secure her a decent home in the cloister itself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Little Hanno stopped awhile with the grown-ups, but soon strayed back to the dining-room, which displayed a new charm now that the brilliant light did not fairly dazzle one with its splendours. It was an extraordinary pleasure to roam about there, as if on a half-darkened stage after the performance, and see a little behind the scenes. He touched the lilies on the big fir-tree, with their golden stamens; handled the tiny figures of people and animals in the manger, found the candles that lighted the transparency for the star of Bethlehem over the stable; lifted up the long cloth that covered the present-table, and saw quantities of wrapping-paper and pasteboard boxes stacked beneath.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The conversation in the landscape-room was growing less and less agreeable. Inevitably, irresistibly, it had arrived at the one dismal theme which had been in everybody's mind, but which they had thus far avoided, as a tribute to the festal evening. Hugo Weinschenk himself dilated upon it, with a wild levity of manner and gesture. He explained certain details of the procedure&#8212;the examination of witnesses had now been interrupted by the Christmas recess&#8212;condemned the very obvious bias of the President, Dr. Philander, and poured scorn on the attitude which the Public Prosecutor, Dr. Hagenstr&#246;m, thought it proper to assume toward himself and the witnesses for the defence. Breslauer had succeeded in drawing the sting of several of his most slanderous remarks; and he had assured the Director that, for the present, there need be no fear of a conviction. The Senator threw in a question now and then, out of courtesy; and Frau Permaneder, sitting on the sofa with elevated shoulders, would utter fearful imprecations against Dr. Moritz Hagenstr&#246;m. But the others were silent: so profoundly silent that the Director at length fell silent too. For little Hanno, over in the dining-room, the time sped by on angels' wings; but in the landscape-room there reigned an oppressive silence, which dragged on till Christian came back from the club, where he had celebrated Christmas with the bachelors and good fellows.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The cold stump of a cigar hung between his lips, and his haggard cheeks were flushed. He came through the dining-room and said, as he entered the landscape-room, &#8220;Well, children, the tree was simply gorgeous. Weinschenk, we ought to have had Breslauer come to see it. He has never seen anything like it, I am sure.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He encountered one of his mother's quiet, reproachful side-glances, and returned it with an easy, unembarrassed questioning look. At nine o'clock the party sat down to supper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was laid, as always on these occasions, in the pillared hall. The Frau Consul recited the ancient grace with sincere conviction:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And bless the bread thou gavest us&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8212;to which, as usual on the holy evening, she added a brief prayer, the substance of which was an admonition to remember those who, on this blessed night, did not fare so well as the Buddenbrook family. This accomplished, they all sat down with good consciences to a lengthy repast, beginning with carp and butter sauce and old Rhine wine.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator put two fish-scales into his pocket, to help him save money during the coming year. Christian, however, ruefully remarked that he hadn't much faith in the prescription; and Consul Kr&#246;ger had no need of it. His pittance had long since been invested securely, beyond the reach of fluctuations in the exchange. The old man sat as far away as possible from his wife, to whom he hardly ever spoke nowadays. She persisted in sending money to Jacob, who was still roaming about, nobody knew where, unless his mother did. Uncle Justus scowled forbiddingly when the conversation, with the advent of the second course, turned upon the absent members of the family, and he saw the foolish mother wipe her eyes. They spoke of the Frankfort Buddenbrooks and the Duchamps in Hamburg, and of Pastor Tibertius in Riga, too, without any ill-will. And the Senator and his sister touched glasses in silence to the health of Messrs Gr&#252;nlich and Permaneder&#8212;for, after all, did they not in a sense belong to the family too?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The turkey, stuffed with chestnuts, raisins, and apples, was universally praised. They compared it with other years, and decided that this one was the largest for a long time. With the turkey came roast potatoes and two kinds of compote, and each dish held enough to satisfy the appetite of a family all by itself. The old red wine came from the firm of M&#246;llendorpf.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Little Johann sat between his parents and choked down with difficulty a small piece of white meat with stuffing. He could not begin to compete with Aunt Tilda, and he felt tired and out of sorts. But it was a great thing none the less to be dining with the grown-ups, and to have one of the beautiful little rolls with poppy-seed in his elaborately folded serviette, and three wine-glasses in front of his place. He usually drank out of the little gold mug which Uncle Justus gave him. But when the red, white, and brown meringues appeared, and Uncle Justus poured some oily, yellow Greek wine into the smallest of the three glasses, his appetite revived. He ate a whole red ice, then half a white one, then a little piece of the chocolate, his teeth hurting horribly all the while. Then he sipped his sweet wine gingerly and listened to Uncle Christian, who had begun to talk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He told about the Christmas celebration at the club, which had been very jolly, it seemed. &#8220;Good God!&#8221; he said, just as if he were about to relate the story of Johnny Thunderstorm, &#8220;those fellows drank Swedish punch just like water.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ugh!&#8221; said the Frau Consul shortly, and cast down her eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But he paid no heed. His eyes began to wander&#8212;and thought and memory became so vivid that they flickered like shadows across his haggard face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do any of you know,&#8221; he asked, &#8220;how it feels to drink too much Swedish punch? I don't mean getting drunk: I mean the feeling you have the next day&#8212;the after-effects. They are very queer and unpleasant; yes, queer and unpleasant at the same time.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Reason enough for describing them,&#8221; said the Senator.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Assez, Christian. That does not interest us in the least,&#8221; said the Frau Consul. But he paid no attention. It was his peculiarity that at such times nothing made any impression on him. He was silent awhile, and then it seemed that the thing which moved him was ripe for speech.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You go about feeling ghastly,&#8221; he said, turning to his brother and wrinkling up his nose. &#8220;Headache, and upset stomach&#8212;oh, well, you have that with other things, too. But you feel &lt;i&gt;filthy&lt;/i&gt;&#8221;&#8212;here he rubbed his hands together, his face entirely distorted. &#8220;You wash your hands, but it does no good; they feel dirty and clammy, and there is grease under the nails. You take a bath: no good, your whole body is sticky and unclean. You itch all over, and you feel disgusted with yourself. Do you know the feeling, Thomas? you do know it, don't you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes,&#8221; said the Senator, making a gesture of repulsion with his hand. But Christian's extraordinary tactlessness had so increased with the years that he never perceived how unpleasant he was making himself to the company, nor how out of place his conversation was in these surroundings and on this evening. He continued to describe the evil effects of too much Swedish punch; and when he felt that he had exhausted the subject, he gradually subsided.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Before they arrived at the butter and cheese, the Frau Consul found occasion for another little speech to her family. If, she said, not quite everything in the course of the years had gone as we, in our short-sightedness, desired, there remained such manifold blessings as should fill our hearts with gratitude and love. For it was precisely this mingling of trials with blessings which showed that God never lifted his hand from the family, but ever guided its destinies according to His wise design, which we might not seek to question. And now, with hopeful hearts, we might drink together to the family health and to its future&#8212;that future when all the old and elderly of the present company would be laid to rest; and to the children, to whom the Christmas feast most properly belonged.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As Director Weinschenk's small daughter was no longer present, little Johann had to make the round of the table alone and drink severally with all the company, from Grandmamma to Mamsell Severin. When he came to his father, the Senator touched the child's glass with his and gently lifted Hanno's chin to look into his eyes. But his son did not meet his glance: the long, gold-brown lashes lay deep, deep upon the delicate bluish shadows beneath his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Therese Weichbrodt took his head in both her hands, kissed him explosively on both cheeks, and said with such a hearty emphasis that surely God must have heeded it, &#8220;Be happy, you good che-ild!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
An hour later Hanno lay in his little bed, which now stood in the ante-chamber next to the Senator's dressing-room. He lay on his back, out of regard for his stomach, which feeling was far from pleasant over all the things he had put into it that evening. Ida came out of her room in her dressing-gown, waving a glass about in circles in the air in order to dissolve its contents. He drank the carbonate of soda down quickly, made a wry face, and fell back again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think I'll just have to give it all up, Ida,&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, nonsense, Hanno. Just lie still on your back. You see, now: who was it kept making signs to you to stop eating, and who was it that wouldn't do it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, perhaps I'll be all right. When will the things come, Ida?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To-morrow morning, first thing, my dearie.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I wish they were here&#8212;I wish I had them now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, my dearie&#8212;but just have a good sleep now.&#8221; She kissed him, put out the light, and went away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He lay quietly, giving himself up to the operation of the soda he had taken. But before his eyes gleamed the dazzling brilliance of the Christmas tree. He saw his theatre and his harmonium, and his book of mythology; he heard the choir-boys singing in the distance: &#8220;Rejoice, Jerusalem!&#8221; Everything sparkled and glittered. His head felt dull and feverish; his heart, affected by the rebellious stomach, beat strong and irregularly. He lay for long, in a condition of mingled discomfort, excitement, and reminiscent bliss, and could not fall asleep.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Next day there would be a third Christmas party, at Fr&#228;ulein Weichbrodt's. He looked forward to it as to a comic performance in the theatre. Therese Weichbrodt had given up her &lt;i&gt;pensionnat&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb26&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;pensionnat &#8211; boarding-house&#034; id=&#034;nh26&#034;&gt;26&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; in the past year. Madame Kethelsen now occupied the first storey of the house on the Mill Brink, and she herself the ground floor, and there they lived alone. The burden of her deformed little body grew heavier with the years, and she concluded, with Christian humility and submission, that the end was not far off. For some years now she had believed that each Christmas was her last; and she strove with all the powers at her command to give a departing brilliance to the feast that was held in her small overheated rooms. Her means were very narrow, and she gave away each year a part of her possessions to swell the heap of gifts under the tree: knick-knacks, paper-weights, emery-bags, needle-cushions, glass vases, and fragments of her library, miscellaneous books of every shape and size. Books like &#8220;The Secret Journal of a Student of Himself,&#8221; Hebel's &#8220;Alemannian Poems,&#8221; Krummacher's &#8220;Parables&#8221;&#8212;Hanno had once received an edition of the &#8220;Pens&#233;es de Blaise Pascal,&#8221; in such tiny print that it had to be read with a glass.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Bishop flowed in streams, and Sesemi's gingerbread was very spicy. But Fr&#228;ulein Weichbrodt abandoned herself with such trembling emotion to the joys of each Christmas party that none of them ever went off without a mishap. There was always some small catastrophe or other to make the guests laugh and enhance the silent fervour of the hostess' mien. A jug of bishop would be upset and overwhelm everything in a spicy, sticky red flood. Or the decorated tree would topple off its wooden support just as they solemnly entered the room. Hanno fell asleep with the mishap of the previous year before his eyes. It had happened just before the gifts were given out. Therese Weichbrodt had read the Christmas chapter, in such impressive accents that all the vowels got inextricably commingled, and then retreated before her guests to the door, where she made a little speech. She stood upon the threshold, humped and tiny, her old hands clasped before her childish bosom, the green silk cap-ribbons falling over her fragile shoulders. Above her head, over the door, was a transparency, garlanded with evergreen, that said &#8220;Glory to God in the Highest.&#8221; And Sesemi spoke of God's mercy; she mentioned that this was her last Christmas, and ended by reminding them that the words of the apostle commended them all to joy&#8212;wherewith she trembled from head to foot, so much did her whole poor little body share in her emotions. &#8220;Rejoice!&#8221; said she, laying her head on one side and nodding violently: &#8220;and again I say unto you, rejoice!&#8221; But at this moment the whole transparency, with a puffing, crackling, spitting noise, went up in flames, and Mademoiselle Weichbrodt gave a little shriek and a side-spring of unexpected picturesqueness and agility, and got herself out of the way of the rain of flying sparks.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As Hanno recalled the leap which the old spinster performed, he giggled nervously for several minutes into his pillow.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IX&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Frau Permaneder was going along Broad Street in a great hurry. There was something abandoned about her air: she showed almost none of the impressive bearing usual to her on the street. Hunted and harassed, in almost violent haste, she had as it were been able to save only a remnant of her dignity&#8212;like a beaten king who gathers what is left of his army about him to seek safety in the arms of flight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She looked pitiable indeed. Her upper lip, that arched upper lip that had always done its share to give charm to her face, was quivering now, and the eyes were large with apprehension. They were very bright and stared fixedly ahead of her, as though they too were hurrying onward. Her hair came in disorder from under her close hat, and her face showed the pale yellow tint which it always had when her digestion took a turn for the worse.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her digestion was obviously worse in these days. The family noticed that on Thursdays. And no matter how hard every one tried to keep off the rocks, the conversation always made straight for them and stuck there: on the subject of Hugo Weinschenk's trial. Frau Permaneder herself led up to it. She would call on God and her fellow men to tell her how Public Prosecutor Moritz Hagenstr&#246;m could sleep of nights. For her part, she could not understand it&#8212;she never would! Her agitation increased with every word. &#8220;Thank you, I can't eat,&#8221; she would say, and push away her plate. She would elevate her shoulders, toss her head, and in the height of her passion fall back upon the practice, acquired in her Munich years, of taking nothing but beer, cold Bavarian beer, poured into an empty stomach, the nerves of which were in rebellion and would revenge themselves bitterly. Toward the end of the meal she always had to get up and go down to the garden or the court, where she suffered the most dreadful fits of nausea, leaning upon Ida Jungmann or Riekchen Severin. Her stomach would finally relieve itself of its contents, and contract with spasms of pain, which sometimes lasted for minutes and would continue at intervals for a long time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was about three in the afternoon, a windy, rainy January day. Frau Permaneder turned the corner at Fishers' Lane and hurried down the steep declivity to her brother's house. After a hasty knock she went from the court straight into the bureau, her eye flying across the desks to where the Senator sat in his seat by the window. She made such an imploring motion with her head that he put down his pen without more ado and went to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well?&#8221; he said, one eyebrow lifted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A moment, Thomas&#8212;it's very pressing; there's no time to waste.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He opened the baize door of his private office, closed it behind him when they were both inside, and looked at his sister inquiringly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tom,&#8221; she said, her voice quavering, wringing her hands inside her muff, &#8220;you must give it to us&#8212;lay it out for us&#8212;you will, won't you?&#8212;the money for the bond, I mean. We haven't it&#8212;where should we get twenty-five thousand marks from, I should like to know? You will get them back&#8212;you'll get them back all too soon, I'm afraid. You understand&#8212;the thing is this: in short, they have reached a point where Hagenstr&#246;m demands immediate arrest or else a bond of twenty-five thousand marks. And Weinschenk will give you his word not to stir from the spot&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Has it really come to that?&#8221; the Senator said, shaking his head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, they have succeeded in getting that far, the villains!&#8221; Frau Permaneder sank upon the sofa with an impotent sob. &#8220;And they will go on; they will go on to the end, Tom.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tony,&#8221; he said, and sat down sidewise by his mahogany desk, crossing one leg over the other and leaning his head on his hand, &#8220;tell me straight out, do you still have faith in his innocence?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She sobbed once or twice before she answered, hopelessly: &#8220;Oh, no, Tom. How could I? I've seen so much evil in the world. I haven't believed in it from the beginning, even, though I tried my very best. Life makes it so very hard, you know, to believe in any one's innocence. Oh, no&#8212;I've had doubts of his good conscience for a long time, and Erica has not known what to make of him&#8212;she confessed it to me, with tears&#8212;on account of his behaviour at home. We haven't talked about it, of course. He got ruder and ruder, and kept demanding all the time that Erica should be lively and divert his mind and make him forget his troubles. And he broke the dishes when she wasn't. You can't imagine what it was like, when he shut himself up evenings with his papers: when anybody knocked, you could hear him jump up and shout &#8216;Who's there?'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were silent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But suppose he &lt;i&gt;is&lt;/i&gt; guilty, Tom. Suppose he did do it,&#8221; began Frau Permaneder afresh, and her voice gathered strength. &#8220;He wasn't working for his own pocket, but for the company&#8212;and then&#8212;good Heavens, in this life, people have to realize&#8212;there are other things to be taken into consideration. He married into our family&#8212;he is one of us, now. They can't just go and stick him into prison like that!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He shrugged his shoulders.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you shrugging your shoulders for, Tom? Do you mean that you are willing to sit down under the last and crowning insult these adventurers think they can offer us? We must do something! He mustn't be convicted! Aren't you the Burgomaster's right hand? My God, can't the Senate just pardon him if it likes? You know, before I came to you, I nearly went to Cremer, to get him&#8212;to implore him to intervene and take a stand in the matter&#8212;he is Chief of Police&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, child, that is all just nonsense.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nonsense, Tom? And Erica? And the child?&#8221; said she, lifting up her muff, with her two imploring hands inside. She was still a moment, she let her arms fall, her chin began to quiver, and two great tears ran down from under her drooping lids. She added softly, &#8220;And me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Tony, be brave,&#8221; said the Senator. Her helplessness went through him. He pushed his chair up to hers and stroked her hair, in an effort to console her. &#8220;Everything isn't over, yet. Perhaps it will come out all right. Of course I will give you the money&#8212;that goes without saying&#8212;and Breslauer's very clever.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She shook her head, weeping.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Tom, it will not come out all right. I've no hope that it will. They will convict him, and put him in prison&#8212;and then the hard time will come for Erica and me. Her dowry is gone: it all went to the setting-out, the furniture and pictures; we sha'n't get a quarter of it back by selling. And the salary was always spent. We never put a penny by. We will go back to Mother, if she will take us, until he is free. And then where can we go? We'll just have to sit on the rocks.&#8221; She sobbed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;On the rocks?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, that's just an expression&#8212;a figure. What I mean is, it won't turn out all right. I've had too much to bear&#8212;I don't know how I came to deserve it all&#8212;but I can't hope any more. Erica will be like me&#8212;with Gr&#252;nlich and Permaneder. But now you can see just how it is&#8212;and how it all comes over you! Could I help it? Could any one help it, I ask you, Tom?&#8221; she repeated drearily, and looked at him with her tear-swimming eyes. &#8220;Everything I've ever undertaken has gone wrong and turned to misfortune&#8212;and I've meant everything so well. God knows I have! And now this too&#8212; This is the last straw&#8212;the very last.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She wept, leaning on the arm which he gently put about her: wept over her ruined life and the quenching of this last hope.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A week later, Herr Director Hugo Weinschenk was sentenced to three and a half years' imprisonment, and arrested at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a very large crowd at the final session. Lawyer Breslauer of Berlin made a speech for the defence the like of which had never been heard before. Gosch the broker went about for weeks afterward bursting with enthusiasm for the masterly pathos and irony it displayed. Christian Buddenbrook heard it too, and afterward got behind a table at the club, with a pile of newspapers in front of him, and reproduced the whole speech. At home he declared that jurisprudence was the finest profession there was, and he thought it would just have suited him. The Public Prosecutor himself, Dr. Moritz Hagenstr&#246;m, who was a great connoisseur, said in private that the speech had been a genuine treat to him. But the famous advocate's talents did not prevent his colleagues from thumping him on the back and telling him he had not pulled the wool over their eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The necessary sale followed upon the disappearance of the Director; and when it was over, people in town began gradually to forget about Hugo Weinschenk. But the Misses Buddenbrook, sitting on Thursday at the family table, declared that they had known the first moment, from the man's eyes, that he was not straight, that his conscience was bad, and that there would be trouble in the end. Certain considerations, which they wished now they had not regarded, had led them to suppress these painful observations.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTNINE&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART NINE&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Senator Buddenbrook followed the two gentlemen, old Dr. Grabow and young Dr. Langhals, out of the Frau Consul's bed-chamber into the breakfast-room and closed the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;May I ask you to give me a moment, gentlemen?&#8221; he said, and led them up the steps, through the corridor, and into the landscape-room, where, on account of the raw, damp weather, the stove was already burning. &#8220;You will understand my anxiety,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Sit down and tell me something reassuring, if possible.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Zounds, my dear Senator,&#8221; answered Dr. Grabow, leaning back comfortably, his chin in his neck-cloth, his hat-brim propped in both hands against his stomach. Dr. Langhals put his top-hat down on the carpet beside him and regarded his hands, which were exceptionally small and covered with hair. He was a heavy dark man with a pointed beard, a pompadour hair-cut, beautiful eyes, and a vain expression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is positively no reason for serious disquiet at present,&#8221; Dr. Grabow went on. &#8220;When we take into consideration our honoured patient's powers of resistance&#8212;my word, I think, as an old and tried councillor, I ought to know what that resistance is&#8212;it is simply astonishing, for her years, I must say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, precisely: for her years,&#8221; said the Senator, uneasily, twisting his moustaches.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't say,&#8221; went on Dr. Grabow, in his gentle voice, &#8220;that your dear Mother will be walking out to-morrow. You can tell that by looking at her, of course. There is no denying that the inflammation has taken a disappointing turn in the last twenty-four hours. The chill yesterday afternoon did not please me at all, and to-day there is actually pain in the side. And some fever&#8212;oh, nothing to speak of, but still&#8212; In short, my dear Senator, we shall probably have to reckon with the troublesome fact that the lung is slightly affected.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Inflammation of the lungs then?&#8221; asked the Senator, and looked from one physician to the other.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes&#8212;pneumonia,&#8221; said Dr. Langhals, with a solemn and correct bow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A slight inflammation, however, and confined to the right side,&#8221; answered the family physician. &#8220;We will do our best to localize it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then there is ground for serious concern, after all?&#8221; The Senator sat quite still and looked the speaker full in the face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Concern&#8212;oh, we must be concerned to limit the affection. We must ease the cough, and go at the fever energetically. The quinine will see to that. And by the by, my dear Senator, let me warn you against feeling alarm over single symptoms, you know. If the difficulty in breathing increases, or there should be a little delirium in the night, or a good deal of discharge to-morrow&#8212;a sort of rusty-looking mucous, with a little blood in it&#8212;well, all that is to be expected, entirely regular and normal. Do reassure dear Madame Permaneder on this point too&#8212;she is nursing the patient with such devotion.&#8212;How is she feeling? I quite forgot to ask how she has been, in the last few days.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She is about as usual,&#8221; the Senator said. &#8220;I have not heard of anything new. She is not taking much thought for her own condition, these days&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course, of course. And, apropos: your sister needs rest, especially at night, and Mamsell Severin has not time to give her all the rest she needs. What about a nurse, my dear Senator? Why not have one of our good Grey Sisters, in whom you feel such an interest? The Mother Superior would be glad to send you one.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You consider it necessary?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am only suggesting it. The sisters are invaluable&#8212;their experience and calmness are always so soothing to the patient, especially in an illness like this, where there is a succession of disquieting symptoms. Well&#8212;let me repeat, no anxiety, my dear Senator. And we shall see, we shall see. We will have another talk this evening.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Positively,&#8221; said Dr. Langhals, took his hat and got up, with his colleague. But the Senator had not finished: he had another question, another test to make.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen,&#8221; he said, &#8220;one word more. My brother Christian is a nervous man. He cannot stand much. Do you advise me to send him word? Should I suggest to him to come home?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your brother Christian is not in town?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, he is in Hamburg&#8212;for a short time, on business, I understand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dr. Grabow gave his colleague a glance. Then he laughingly shook the Senator's hand and said, &#8220;Well, we'll let him attend to his business in peace. No use upsetting him unnecessarily. If any change comes which seems to make it advisable, to quiet the patient, or to raise her spirits&#8212;well, there is plenty of time still, plenty of time.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The gentlemen traversed the pillared hall and stood on the steps awhile, talking about other matters: politics, and the agitations and changes due to the war just then ended.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, good times will be coming now, eh, Herr Senator? Money in the country, and fresh confidence everywhere.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the Senator partially agreed with him. He said that the grain trade with Russia had been greatly stimulated since the outbreak of war, and mentioned the dimensions to which the import trade in oats had attained&#8212;though the profit, it was true, had been very unevenly divided.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The physicians took their leave, and Senator Buddenbrook turned to go back to the sick-room. He revolved what Dr. Grabow had said. He had spoken with reserve&#8212;he gave the impression of avoiding anything definite. The single plain word was &#8220;inflammation of the lungs&#8221;; which became no more reassuring after Dr. Langhals added the scientific terminology. Pneumonia&#8212;at the Frau Consul's age. The fact that there were two physicians coming and going was in itself disquieting. Grabow had arranged that very unobtrusively. He intended to retire before long, and as young Dr. Langhals would then be taking over the practice, he, Dr. Grabow, would be pleased if he might bring him in now and again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the Senator entered the darkened room, his mien appeared alert and his bearing energetic. He was used to hiding his cares and weariness under an air of calmness and poise; and the mask glided over his features as he opened the door, almost as though by a single act of will.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder sat by the high bed, the hangings of which were thrust back, and held her mother's hand. The old lady was propped up on pillows. She turned her head as her son came in, and looked searchingly with her pale blue eyes into his face&#8212;a look of calm self-control, yet of deliberate insistence. Coming as it did, slightly sidewise, there was almost something sinister about it, too. Two red spots stood out upon the pallor of her cheeks, but there were no signs of weakness or exhaustion. The old lady was very wide awake, more so in fact than those around her&#8212;for, after all, she was the person most concerned. And she mistrusted this illness; she was not at all disposed to lie down and let it have its own way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What did they say, Thomas?&#8221; she asked in a brisk, decided voice which made her cough directly. She tried to keep the cough behind her closed lips, but it burst out and made her put her hand to her side.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They said,&#8221; answered the Senator, when the spasm was over, stroking her hand, &#8220;they said that our dear, good mother will be up again in a few days. The wretched cough is responsible for your lying here. The lung is of course slightly affected&#8212;it is not exactly inflammation,&#8221; he hastened to say, as he saw her narrowing gaze, &#8220;but even if it were, that needn't necessarily be so bad. It might be much worse,&#8221; he finished. &#8220;In short, the lung is somewhat irritated, and they may be right&#8212;where is Mamsell Severin?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gone to the chemist's,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, you see. She has gone to the chemist's again, and you look as though you might go to sleep any minute, Tony. No, it isn't good enough. If only for a day or so, we should have a nurse in, don't you think so? I will find out if my Mother Superior up at the Grey Sisters has any one free.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thomas,&#8221; said the Frau Consul, this time in a more cautious voice, so as not to let loose another cough, &#8220;believe me, you cause a good deal of feeling by your protection of the Catholic order against the black Protestant Sisters. You have shown the Catholics a distinct preference. Pastor Pringsheim complained to me about it very strenuously a little time ago.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, he needn't. I am convinced that the Grey Sisters are more faithful, devoted, and self-sacrificing than the Black ones are. The Protestants aren't the real thing. They all marry the first chance they get. They are worldly, egotistical, and ordinary, while the Grey Sisters are perfectly disinterested. I am sure they are much nearer Heaven. And they are better for us for the very reason that they owe me some gratitude. What should we have done without Sister Leandra when Hanno had convulsions? I only hope she is free!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Sister Leandra came. She put down her cloak and little handbag, took off the grey veil which she wore on the street over her white one, and went softly about her work, in her gentle, friendly way, the rosary at her waist clicking as she moved. She remained a day and a night with the querulous, not always patient sufferer, and then withdrew, almost apologetic over the human weakness that enforced a little repose. She was replaced by another sister, but came back again after she had slept.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul required constant attendance at her bedside. The worse her condition grew, the more she bent all her thoughts and all her energies upon her illness, for which she felt a na&#239;ve hatred. Nearly all her life she had been a woman of the world, with a quiet, native, and permanent love of life and good living. Yet she had filled her latter years with piety and charitable deeds: largely out of loyalty toward her dead husband, but also, perhaps, by reason of an unconscious impulse which bade her make her peace with Heaven for her own strong vitality, and induce it to grant her a gentle death despite the tenacious clutch she had always had on life. But the gentle death was not to be hers. Despite many a sore trial, her form was quite unbowed, her eyes still clear. She still loved to set a good table, to dress well and richly, to ignore events that were unpleasant, and to share with complacency in the high regard that was everywhere felt for her son. And now this illness, this inflammation of the lungs, had attacked her erect form without any previous warning, without any preparation to soften the blow. There had been no spiritual anticipation, none of that mining and sapping of the forces which slowly, painfully estranges us from life and rouses in us the sweet longing for a better world, for the end, for peace. No, the old Frau Consul, despite the spiritual courses of her latter years, felt scarce prepared to die; and she was filled with agony of spirit at the thought that if this were indeed the end, then this illness, of itself, in awful haste, in the last hour, must, with bodily torments, break down her spirit and bring her to surrender.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She prayed much; but almost more she watched, as often as she was conscious, over her own condition: felt her pulse, took her temperature, and fought her cough. But the pulse was poor, the temperature mounted after falling a little, and she passed from chills to fever and delirium; her cough increased, bringing up a blood-impregnated mucous, and she was alarmed by the difficulty she had in breathing. It was accounted for by the fact that now not only a lobe of the right lung, but the whole right lung, was affected, with even distinct traces of a process in the left, which Dr. Langhals, looking at his nails, called hepatization, and about which Dr. Grabow said nothing at all. The fever wasted the patient relentlessly. The digestion failed. Slowly, inexorably, the decline of strength went on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She followed it. She took eagerly, whenever she could, the concentrated nourishment which they gave her. She knew the hours for her medicines better than the nurse; and she was so absorbed in watching the progress of her case that she hardly spoke to any one but the physicians, and displayed actual interest only when talking with them. Callers had been admitted in the beginning, and the old ladies of her social circle, pastors' wives and members of the Jerusalem evenings, came to see her; but she received them with apathy and soon dismissed them. Her relatives felt the difference in the old lady's greeting: it was almost disdainful, as though she were saying to them: &#8220;You can't do anything for me.&#8221; Even when little Hanno came, in a good hour, she only stroked his cheek and turned away. Her manner said more plainly than words: &#8220;Children, you are all very good&#8212;but&#8212;perhaps&#8212;I may be dying!&#8221; She received the two physicians, on the other hand, with very lively interest, and went into the details of her condition.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
One day the Gerhardt ladies appeared, the descendants of Paul Gerhardt. They came in their mantles, with their flat shepherdess hats and their provision-baskets, from visiting the poor, and could not be prevented from seeing their sick friend. They were left alone with her, and God only knows what they said as they sat at her bedside. But when they departed, their eyes and their faces were more gentle, more radiant, more blissfully remote than ever; while the Frau Consul lay within, with just such eyes and just such an expression, quite still, quite peaceful, more peaceful than ever before; her breath came very softly and at long intervals, and she was visibly declining from weakness to weakness. Frau Permaneder murmured a strong word in the wake of the Gerhardt ladies, and sent at once for the physicians. The two gentlemen had barely entered the sick-chamber when a surprising alteration took place in the patient. She stirred, she moved, she almost sat up. The sight of her trusted and faithful professional advisers brought her back to earth at a bound. She put out her hands to them and began: &#8220;Welcome, gentlemen. To-day, in the course of the day&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The illness had attacked both lungs&#8212;of that there was no more room for doubt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, my dear Senator,&#8221; Dr. Grabow said, and took Thomas Buddenbrook by the hand, &#8220;it is now both lungs&#8212;we have not been able to prevent it. That is always serious, you know as well as I do. I should not attempt to deceive you. No matter what the age of the patient, the condition is serious; and if you ask me again to-day whether in my opinion your brother should be written to&#8212;or perhaps a telegram would be better&#8212;I should hesitate to deter you from it. How is he, by the way? A good fellow, Christian; I've always liked him immensely.&#8212;But for Heaven's sake, my dear Senator, don't draw any exaggerated conclusions from what I say. There is no immediate danger&#8212;I am foolish to take the word in my mouth! But still&#8212;under the circumstances, you know, one must reckon with the unexpected. We are very well satisfied with your mother as a patient. She helps all she can, she doesn't leave us in the lurch; no, on my word, she is an incomparable patient! So there is still great hope, my dear sir. And we must hope for the best.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But there is a moment when hope becomes something artificial and insincere. There is a change in the patient. He alters&#8212;there is something strange about him&#8212;he is not as he was in life. He speaks, but we do not know how to reply: what he says is strange, it seems to cut off his retreat back to life, it condemns him to death. And when that moment comes, even if he is our dearest upon this earth, we do not know how to wish him back. If we could bid him arise and walk, he would be as frightful as one risen from his coffin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dreadful symptoms of the coming dissolution showed themselves, even though the organs, still in command of a tenacious will, continued to function. It had now been weeks since Frau Consul first took to her bed with a cold; and she began to have bed sores. They would not heal, and grew worse and worse. She could not sleep, because of pain, coughing and shortness of breath, and also because she herself clung to consciousness with all her might. Only for minutes at a time did she lose herself in fever; but now she began, even when she was conscious, to talk to people who had long been dead. One afternoon, in the twilight, she said suddenly, in a loud, fervent, anxious voice, &#8220;Yes, my dear Jean, I am coming!&#8221; And the immediacy of the reply was such that one almost thought to hear the voice of the deceased Consul calling her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian arrived. He came from Hamburg, where he had been, he said, on business. He only stopped a short time in the sick-room, and left it, his eyes roving wildly, rubbing his forehead, and saying &#8220;It's frightful&#8212;it's frightful&#8212;I can't stand it any longer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pastor Pringsheim came, measured Sister Leandra with a chilling glance, and prayed with a beautifully modulated voice at the bedside.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then came the brief &#8220;lightening&#8221;: the flickering up of the dying flame. The fever slackened; there was a deceptive return of strength, and a few plain, hopeful words, that brought tears of joy to the eyes of the watchers at the bedside.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Children, we shall keep her; you'll see, we shall keep her after all!&#8221; cried Thomas Buddenbrook. &#8220;She will be with us next Christmas!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But even in the next night, shortly after Gerda and her husband had gone to bed, they were summoned back to Meng Street by Frau Permaneder, for the mother was struggling with death. A cold rain was falling, and a high wind drove it against the window-panes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The bed-chamber, as the Senator and his wife entered it, was lighted by two sconces burning on the table; and both physicians were present. Christian too had been summoned from his room, and sat with his back to the bed and his forehead bowed in his hands. They had sent for the dying woman's brother, Justus Kr&#246;ger, and he would shortly be here. Frau Permaneder and Erica were sobbing softly at the foot of the bed. Sister Leandra and Mamsell Severin had nothing more to do, and stood gazing in sadness on the face of the dying.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Frau Consul lay on her back, supported by a quantity of pillows. With both her blue-veined hands, once so beautiful, now so emaciated, she ceaselessly stroked the coverlet in trembling haste. Her head in the white nightcap moved from side to side with dreadful regularity. Her lips were drawn inward, and opened and closed with a snap at every tortured effort to breathe, while the sunken eyes roved back and forth or rested with an envious look on those who stood about her bed, up and dressed and able to breathe. They were alive, they belonged to life; but they could help her no more than this, to make the sacrifice that consisted in watching her die.... And the night wore on, without any change.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How long can it go on, like this?&#8221; asked Thomas Buddenbrook, in a low tone, drawing Dr. Grabow away to the bottom of the room, while Dr. Langhals was undertaking some sort of injection to give relief to the patient. Frau Permaneder, her handkerchief in her hand, followed her brother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can't tell, my dear Senator,&#8221; answered Dr. Grabow. &#8220;Your dear mother may be released in the next few minutes, or she may live for hours. It is a process of strangulation: an oedema&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder, and nodded while the tears ran down her cheeks. &#8220;It often happens in cases of inflammation of the lungs&#8212;a sort of watery fluid forms, and when it gets very bad the patient cannot breathe any more. Yes, I know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator, his hands folded, looked over at the bed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How frightfully she must suffer,&#8221; he whispered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; Dr. Grabow said, just as softly, but in a tone of authority, while his long, mild countenance wrinkled more than ever. &#8220;That is a mistake, my dear friend, believe me. The consciousness is very clouded. These are largely reflex motions which you see; depend upon it.&#8221; And Thomas answered: &#8220;God grant it&#8221;&#8212;but a child could have seen from the Frau Consul's eyes that she was entirely conscious and realized everything.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They took their places again. Consul Kr&#246;ger came and sat bowed over his cane at the bedside, with reddened eyelids.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The movements of the patient increased. This body, delivered over to death, was possessed by a terrible unrest, an unspeakable craving, an abandonment of helplessness, from head to foot. The pathetic, imploring eyes now closed with the rustling movement of the head from side to side, now opened with a heart-breaking expression, so wide that the little veins of the eyeballs stood out blood-red. And she was still conscious!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A little after three, Christian got up. &#8220;I can't stand it any more,&#8221; he said, and went out, limping, and supporting himself on the furniture on his way to the door. Erica Weinschenk and Mamsell Severin had fallen asleep to the monotonous sound of the raucous breathing, and sat rosy with slumber on their chairs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
About four it grew much worse. They lifted the patient and wiped the perspiration from her brow. Her breathing threatened to stop altogether. &#8220;Let me sleep,&#8221; she managed to say. &#8220;Give me a sleeping-draught.&#8221; Alas, they could give her nothing to make her sleep.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly she began again to reply to voices which the others could not hear. &#8220;Yes, Jean, not much longer now.&#8221; And then, &#8220;Yes, dear Clara, I am coming.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The struggle began afresh. Was this a wrestling with death? Ah, no, for it had become a wrestling with life for death, on the part of the dying woman. &#8220;I want&#8212;,&#8221; she panted, &#8220;I want&#8212;I cannot&#8212;let me sleep! Have mercy, gentlemen&#8212;let me sleep!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder sobbed aloud as she listened, and Thomas groaned softly, clutching his head a moment with both hands. But the physicians knew their duty: they were obliged, under all circumstances, to preserve life just as long as possible; and a narcotic would have effected an unresisting and immediate giving-up of the ghost. Doctors were not made to bring death into the world, but to preserve life at any cost. There was a religious and moral basis for this law, which they had known, once, though they did not have it in mind at the moment. So they strengthened the heart action by various devices, and even improved the breathing by causing the patient to retch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
By five the struggle was at its height. The Frau Consul, erect in convulsions, with staring eyes, thrust wildly about her with her arms as though trying to clutch after some support or to reach the hands which she felt stretching toward her. She was answering constantly in every direction to voices which she alone heard, and which evidently became more numerous and urgent. Not only her dead husband and daughter, but her parents, parents-in-law, and other relatives who had passed before her into death, seemed to summon her; and she called them all by name&#8212;though the names were some of them not familiar to her children. &#8220;Yes,&#8221; she cried, &#8220;yes, I am coming now&#8212;at once&#8212;a moment&#8212;I cannot&#8212;oh, let me sleep!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At half-past five there was a moment of quiet. And then over her aged and distorted features there passed a look of ineffable joy, a profound and quivering tenderness; like lightning she stretched up her arms and cried out, with an immediate suddenness swift as a blow, so that one felt there was not a second's space between what she heard and what she answered, with an expression of absolute submission and a boundless and fervid devotion: &#8220;Here I am!&#8221; and parted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were all amazed. What was it? Who had called her? To whose summons had she responded thus instantly?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Some one drew back the curtains and put out the candles, and Dr. Grabow gently closed the eyes of the dead.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They all shivered in the autumn dawn that filled the room with its sallow light. Sister Leandra covered the mirror of the toilet table with a cloth.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Through the open door Frau Permaneder could be seen praying in the chamber of death. She knelt there alone, at a chair near the bed, with her mourning garments flowing about her on the floor. While she prayed, her hands folded before her on the seat of the chair, she could hear her brother and sister-in-law in the breakfast-room, where they stood and waited for the prayer to come to an end. But she did not hurry on that account. She finished, coughed her usual little dry cough, gathered her gown about her, and rose from the chair, then moved toward her relatives with a perfectly dignified bearing in which there was no trace of confusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thomas,&#8221; she said, with a note of asperity in her voice, &#8220;it strikes me, that as far as Severin is concerned, our blessed mother was cherishing a viper in her bosom.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What makes you think that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am perfectly furious with her. I shall try to behave with dignity, but&#8212;has the woman any right to disturb us at this solemn moment by her common ways?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What has she been doing?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well in the first place, she is outrageously greedy. She goes to the wardrobe and takes out Mother's silk gowns, folds them over her arm, and starts to retire. &#8216;Why, Riekchen,' I say, &#8216;what are you doing with those?' &#8216;Frau Consul promised me.' &#8216;My dear Severin!' I say, and show her, in a perfectly ladylike way, what I think of her unseemly haste. Do you think it did any good? She took not only the silk gowns, but a bundle of underwear as well, and went out. I can't come to blows with her, can I? And it isn't Severin alone. There are wash-baskets full of stuff going out of the house. The servants divide up things before my face&#8212;Severin has the keys to the cupboards. I said to her: &#8216;Fr&#228;ulein Severin, I shall be much obliged for the keys.' And she told me, in good set terms, that I've nothing to say to her, she's not in my service, I didn't engage her, and she will keep the keys until she leaves!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you the keys to the silver-chest? Good. Let the rest go. That sort of thing is inevitable when a household breaks up, especially when the rule has been rather lax already. I don't want to make any scenes. The linen is old and worn. We can see what there is there. Have you the lists? Good. We'll have a look at them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They went into the bed-chamber and stood a while in silence by the bed; Frau Antonie removed the white cloth from the face of the dead. The Frau Consul was arrayed in the silk garment in which she would that afternoon lie upon her bier in the hall. Twenty-eight hours had passed since she drew her last breath. The mouth and chin, without the false teeth, looked sunken and senile, and the pointed chin projected sharply. All three tried their best to recognize their mother's face in this sunken countenance before them, with its eyelids inexorably closed. But under the old lady's Sunday cap there showed, as in life, the smooth, reddish-brown wig over which the Misses Buddenbrook had so often made merry. Flowers were strewn on the coverlet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The most beautiful wreaths have come,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder. &#8220;From all the families in town, simply from everybody. I had everything carried up to the corridor. You must look at them afterwards, Gerda and Tom. They are heart-breakingly lovely.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How are they progressing down in the hall?&#8221; asked the Senator.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They will soon be done, Tom. Jacobs has taken the greatest pains. And the&#8212;&#8221; she choked down a sob&#8212;&#8220;the coffin has come. But you must take off your things, my dears,&#8221; she went on, carefully replacing the white cloth over the face of the dead. &#8220;It is cold in here, but there is a little fire in the breakfast-room. Let me help you, Gerda. Such an elegant mantle, one must be careful with it. Let me give you a kiss&#8212;you know I love you, even if you have always despised me. No, I won't make your hair untidy when I take off your hat&#8212; Your lovely hair! Such hair Mother had too, when she was young. She was never so splendid as you are, but there was a time, and since I was born, too, when she was really beautiful. How true it is, isn't it, what your old Grobleben always says: we must all return to earth at last: such a simple man, too. Here, Tom. These are the most important lists.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They returned to the next room and sat down at the round table, while the Senator took up the paper, on which was a list of the objects to be divided among the nearest heirs. Frau Permaneder's eyes never left her brother's face, and her own wore a strained, excited look. There was something in her mind, a question hard to put, upon which, nevertheless, all her thoughts were bent, and which must, in the next few hours, come up for discussion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think,&#8221; said the Senator, &#8220;we may as well keep to the usual rule, that presents go back; so&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His wife interrupted him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pardon me, Thomas. It seems to me&#8212;where is Christian?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, goodness, yes, Christian!&#8221; cried Frau Permaneder. &#8220;We've forgotten him!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She went to ring the bell. But at the same moment Christian opened the door. He entered rather quickly, closed it behind him with a slight bang, and stood there frowning, his little deep round eyes not resting on anybody, but rolling from side to side. His mouth opened and shut under the bushy red moustaches. His mood seemed irritated and defiant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I heard you were here,&#8221; he said. &#8220;If the things are to be talked about, it is proper that I should be told.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We were just about to call you,&#8221; the Senator said indifferently. &#8220;Sit down.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His eyes rested, as he spoke, on the white studs in Christian's shirt. He himself was in irreproachable mourning: a black cloth coat, blinding white shirt set off at the collar with a black tie, and black studs instead of the gold ones he usually wore. Christian saw his glance. He drew up a chair to the table and sat down, saying as he did so, with a gesture toward his shirt, &#8220;I know I have on white studs. I haven't got round to buying black&#8212;or rather, I haven't bothered. In the last few years I've seen times when I had to borrow money for tooth-powder, and go to bed by the light of a match. I don't know that I am altogether and entirely to blame. Anyhow, there are other things in the world more important than black studs. I don't set much store by appearances&#8212;I never have.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gerda looked at him as he spoke, and now she gave a little laugh. The Senator remarked: &#8220;I doubt if you could bear out the truth of that last statement.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No? Perhaps you know better than I do, Thomas. I say I don't set much store by them. I've seen too much of the world, and lived with too many different sorts of men, with too many different ways, to care what&#8212;and anyhow, I am a grown man&#8221;&#8212;his voice grew suddenly loud&#8212;&#8220;I am forty-three years old, and my own master and in a position to warn everybody not to mix in my affairs.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator was quite astonished. &#8220;It seems to me you have something on your mind, my friend,&#8221; he said. &#8220;As far as the studs go, I haven't so much as mentioned them, if my memory serves me. Wear whatever mourning you choose, or none at all if that pleases you; but don't imagine you make any impression on me with your cheap broad-mindedness&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am not trying to make an impression on you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tom&#8212;Christian!&#8221; said Frau Permaneder. &#8220;Don't let us have any hard words&#8212;not to-day&#8212;when in the next room&#8212; Just go on, Thomas. Presents are to be returned? That is only right.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Thomas went on. He began with the large things, and wrote down for himself the articles he could use in his own house: the candelabra in the dining-room, the great carved chest that stood in the downstairs entry. Frau Permaneder paid extraordinarily close attention. No matter what the article was, the future possession of which was at the moment in question, she would say with an incomparable air, &#8220;Oh, well, I'm willing to take it&#8221;&#8212;as if the whole world owed her thanks for her act of self-sacrifice. She accepted for herself, her daughter, and her granddaughter far and away the largest share of the furnishings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian had some pieces of furniture, an Empire table-clock and the harmonium. He seemed satisfied enough. But when they came to dividing the table-linen and silver and the sets of dishes, he displayed, to the great astonishment of the others, an eagerness that was almost avidity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What about me?&#8221; he would say. &#8220;I must ask you not to forget me, please.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who is forgetting you? Look: I've put a whole tea-service and a silver tray down to you. I've taken the gilt Sunday service, as we are probably the only ones who would have a use for it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm willing to take the everyday onion pattern,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what about me?&#8221; cried Christian. He was possessed now by that excitement which sometimes seized him and sat so extraordinarily on his haggard cheek. &#8220;I certainly want a share in the dishes. And how many forks and spoons do I get? Almost none at all, it seems to me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, my dear man, what do you want of them? You have no use for them at all. I don't understand. It is better the things should continue in the family&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But suppose I say I want them&#8212;if only in remembrance of Mother,&#8221; Christian cried defiantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To which the Senator impatiently replied, &#8220;I don't feel much like making jokes; but am I to judge from your words that you would like to put a soup-tureen on your chest of drawers and keep it there in memory of Mother? Please don't get the idea that we want to cheat you out of your share. If you get less of the effects, you will get more elsewhere. The same is true of the linen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't want the money. I want the linen and dishes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Whatever for?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian's reply to this was one that made Gerda Buddenbrook turn and gaze at him with an enigmatic expression in her eyes. The Senator hastily donned his pince-nez to look the better, and Frau Permaneder simply folded her hands. He said: &#8220;Well, I am thinking of getting married, sooner or later.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He said this rather low and quickly, with a short gesture, as though he were tossing something to his brother across the table. Then he leaned back, avoiding their eyes, looking surly, defiant, and yet extremely embarrassed. There was a long pause. At last the Senator broke it by saying:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must say, Christian, your ideas come rather late. That is, of course, if this really is anything serious, and not the same kind of thing you proposed to Mother a while ago.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My intentions have remained what they were,&#8221; Christian said. He did not look at anybody or change his expression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is impossible, I should think. Were you waiting for Mother's death&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I had that amount of consideration, yes. You seem to think, Thomas, that you have a monopoly of all the tact and feeling in the world&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know what justifies you in making remarks like that. And, moreover, I must admire the extent of your consideration. On the day after Mother's death, you propose to display your lack of filial feeling by&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Only because the subject came up. But the point is that now Mother cannot be affected by any step I may take&#8212;no more to-day than she would be a year from now. Good Lord, Thomas, Mother couldn't have any actual &lt;i&gt;right&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;but I saw it from her point of view, and had consideration for that, as long as she lived. She was an old woman, a woman of a past generation, with different views about life&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can only say that I concur with her absolutely in this particular view.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I cannot be bothered about that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you will be bothered about it, my dear sir.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian looked at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; he shouted. &#8220;I won't! I can't do it. Suppose I tell you I can't? I must know what I have to do, mustn't I? I am a grown man&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't in the least know what you have to do. Your being what you call a grown man is only very external.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know very well what I have to do. In the first place, I have to act like a man of honour! You don't know how the thing stands. With Tony and Gerda here we can't really talk&#8212;but I have already told you I have responsibilities&#8212; The last child, little Gisela&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know nothing about any little Gisela&#8212;and I don't care to. I am perfectly convinced they are making a fool of you. In any case, what sort of responsibility can you have toward a person like the one you have in mind&#8212;other than the legal one, which you can perform as before&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Person, Thomas, &lt;i&gt;person&lt;/i&gt;? You are making a mistake about her. Aline&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Silence!&#8221; roared Senator Buddenbrook in a voice like thunder. The two brothers glared across the table into each other's faces. Thomas was pale and trembling with scorn; the rims of Christian's deep little eyes had got suddenly red, his mouth and eyes spread wide open, his lean cheeks seemed nothing but hollows, and a pair of red patches showed just under the cheek-bones. Gerda looked rather disdainfully from one to the other, and Tony wrung her hands, imploring&#8212;&#8220;Tom, Christian! And Mother lying there in the next room!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have no sense of shame,&#8221; went on the Senator. &#8220;How can you bring yourself&#8212;what must it cost you&#8212;to mention that name, on this spot, under these circumstances? You have a lack of feeling that amounts to a disease!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Will you tell me why I should not mention Aline's name?&#8221; Christian was so beside himself that Gerda looked at him with increasing intentness. &#8220;I do mention it, as you hear, Thomas; I intend to marry her&#8212;for I have a longing for a home, and for peace and quiet&#8212;and I insist&#8212;you hear the word I use&#8212;I insist that you keep out of my affairs. I am free. I am my own master!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, you fool, you! When you hear the will read, you will see just how much you are your own master! You won't get the chance to squander Mother's inheritance as you have run through with the thirty thousand marks already! I have been made the guardian of your affairs, and I will see to it that you never get your hands on more than a monthly sum at a time&#8212;that I swear!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you know better than I who it was that instigated Mother to make such a will! But I am surprised, very much so, that Mother did not give the office to somebody that had a little more brotherly feeling for me than you have.&#8221; Christian no longer knew what he was saying; he leaned over the table, knocking on it all the while with his knuckle, glaring up, red-eyed, his moustaches bristling, at his brother, who, on his side, stood looking down at him, pale, and with half-closed lids.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian went on, and his voice was hollow and rasping. &#8220;Your heart is full of coldness and ill-will toward me, all the while. As far back as I can remember I have felt cold in your presence&#8212;you freeze me with a perfect stream of icy contempt. You may think that is a strange expression, but what I feel is just like that. You repulse me, just by looking at me&#8212;and you hardly ever even so much as look at me. How have you got a right to treat me like that? You are a man too, you have your own weaknesses. You have always been a better son to our parents; but if you really stood so much closer to them than I do, you might have absorbed a little of their Christian charity. If you have no brotherly love to spare for me, you might have had some Christlike love. But you are entirely without affection. You never came near me in the hospital, when I lay there and suffered with rheumatism&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have more serious things to think about than your illnesses. And my own health&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, come, Thomas, your health is magnificent. You wouldn't be sitting here for what you are, if your health weren't far and away better than mine.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I may be perhaps worse off than you are!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Worse than I am&#8212;come, that's too much! Gerda, Tony! He says he is worse off than I am. Perhaps it was you that came near dying, in Hamburg, of rheumatism. Perhaps you have had to endure torments in your left side, perfectly indescribable torments, for every little trifling irregularity! Perhaps all your nerves are short on the left side! All the authorities say that is what is the matter with me. Perhaps it happens to you that you come into your room when it is getting dark and see a man sitting on the sofa, nodding at you, when there is no man there?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Christian!&#8221; Frau Permaneder burst out in horror. &#8220;What are you saying? And, my God! what are you quarrelling about? Is it an honour for one to be worse off than the other? If it were, Gerda and I might have something to say, too.&#8212;And with Mother lying in there! How can you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't you realize, you fool,&#8221; cried Thomas Buddenbrook, in a passion, &#8220;that all these horrors are the consequence and effect of your vices, your idleness, and your self-tormenting? Go to work! Stop petting your condition and talking about it! If you do go crazy&#8212;and I tell you plainly I don't think it at all unlikely&#8212;I shan't be able to shed a tear; for it will be entirely your own fault.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, and when I die you won't shed any tears either.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You won't die,&#8221; said the Senator bitingly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shan't die? Very good, I shan't die, then. We'll see who dies first. Work! Suppose I can't work? My God! I can't do the same thing long at a time! It kills me. If you have been able to, and are able to, thank God for it, but don't sit in judgment on others, for it isn't a virtue. God gives strength to one, and not to another. But that is the way you are made, Thomas. You are self-righteous. Oh, wait, that is not what I am going to say, nor what I accuse you of. I don't know where to begin, and however much I can say is only a millionth part of the feeling I have in my heart against you. You have made a position for yourself in life; and there you stand, and push everything away which might possibly disturb your equilibrium for a moment&#8212;for your equilibrium is the most precious thing in the world to you. But it isn't the most precious thing in life, Thomas&#8212;no, before God, it is not. You are an egotist, that is what you are. I am still fond of you, even when you are angry, and tread on me, and thunder me down. But when you get silent: when somebody says something and you are suddenly dumb, and withdraw yourself, quite elegant and remote, and repulse people like a wall and leave the other fellow to his shame, without any chance of justifying himself&#8212;! Yes, you are without pity, without love, without humility.&#8212;Oh,&#8221; he cried, and stretched both arms in front of him, palms outward, as though pushing everything away from him, &#8220;Oh, how sick I am of all this tact and propriety, this poise and refinement&#8212;sick to death of it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The outburst was so genuine, so heart-felt, it sounded so full of loathing and satiety, that it was actually crushing. Thomas shrank a little and looked down in front of him, weary and without a word.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last he said, and his voice had a ring of feeling, &#8220;I have become what I am because I did not want to become what you are. If I have inwardly shrunk from you, it has been because I needed to guard myself&#8212;your being, and your existence, are a danger to me&#8212;that is the truth.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was another pause, and then he went on, in a crisper tone: &#8220;Well, we have wandered far away from the subject. You have read me a lecture on my character&#8212;a somewhat muddled lecture, with a grain of truth in it. But we are not talking about me, but about you. You are thinking of marrying; and I should like to convince you that it is impossible for you to carry out your plan. In the first place, the interest I shall be able to pay you on your capital will not be a very encouraging sum&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aline has put some away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator swallowed, and controlled himself. &#8220;You mean you would mingle your mother's inheritance with the&#8212;savings of this lady?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. I want a home, and somebody who will be sympathetic when I am ill. And we suit each other very well. We are both rather damaged goods, so to speak&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you intend, further, to adopt the existing children and legitimize them?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So that after your death your inheritance would pass to them?&#8221; As the Senator said this, Frau Permaneder laid her hand on his arm and murmured adjuringly, &#8220;Thomas! Mother is lying in the next room!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; answered Christian. &#8220;That would be the way it would be.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you shan't do it, then,&#8221; shouted the Senator, and sprang up. Christian got behind his chair, which he clutched with one hand. His chin went down on his breast; he looked apprehensive as well as angry.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You shan't do it,&#8221; repeated Thomas, almost senseless with anger; pale, trembling, jerking convulsively. &#8220;As long as I am alive it won't happen. I swear it&#8212;so take care! There's enough money gone already, what with bad luck and foolishness and rascality, without your throwing a quarter of Mother's inheritance into this creature's lap&#8212;and her bastards'&#8212;and that after another quarter has been snapped up by Tiburtius! You've brought enough disgrace on the family already, without bringing us home a courtesan for a sister-in-law, and giving our name to her children. I forbid it, do you hear? I forbid it!&#8221; he shouted, in a voice that made the room ring, and Frau Permaneder squeeze herself weeping into the corner of the sofa. &#8220;And I advise you not to attempt to defy me! Up to now I have only despised you and ignored you: but if you try any tricks, if you bring the worse to the worst, we'll see who will come out ahead! You can look out for yourself! I shan't have any mercy! I'll have you declared incompetent, I'll get you shut up, I'll ruin you&#8212;I'll ruin you, you understand?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I tell &lt;i&gt;you&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;&#8221; Thus it all began over again, and went on and on: a battle of words, destructive, futile, lamentable, without any purpose other than to insult, to wound, to cut one another to the quick. Christian came back to his brother's character and cited examples of Thomas's egotism&#8212;painful anecdotes out of the distant past, which he, Christian, had never forgotten, but carried about with him to feed his bitterness. And the Senator retorted with scorn, and with threats which he regretted a moment later. Gerda leaned her head on her hand and watched them, with an expression in her eyes impossible to read. Frau Permaneder repeated over and over again, in her despair: &#8220;And Mother lying there in the next room!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian, who at the end had been walking up and down in the room, at last forsook the field.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very good, we shall see!&#8221; he shouted. With his eyes red, his moustaches ruffled, his handkerchief in his hand, his coat wide open, hot and beside himself, he went out of the door and slammed it behind him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the sudden stillness the Senator stood for a moment upright and gazed after his brother. Then he sat down without a word and took up the papers jerkily. He went curtly through the remaining business, then leaned back and twisted his moustaches through his fingers, lost in thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder's anxiety made her heart beat loudly. The question, the great question, could now not be put off any longer. It must come up, and he must answer; but was her brother now in a mood to be governed by gentleness and filial piety? Alas, she feared not.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And&#8212;Tom&#8212;,&#8221; she began, looking down into her lap, and then up, as she made a timid effort to read his thoughts. &#8220;The furniture&#8212;you have taken everything into consideration of course&#8212;the things that belong to us, I mean to Erica and me and the little one, they remain here with us? In short, the house&#8212;what about it?&#8221; she finished, and furtively wrung her hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator did not answer at once. He went on for a while twisting his moustaches and drearily meditating. Then he drew a deep breath and sat up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The house?&#8221; he said. &#8220;Of course it belongs to all of us, to you and me, and Christian&#8212;and, queerly enough, to Pastor Tiburtius too. I can't decide anything about it by myself. I have to get your consent. But obviously the thing to do is to sell as soon as possible,&#8221; he concluded, shrugging his shoulders. Yet something crossed his face, after all, as though he were startled by his own words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder's head sank deep on her breast; her hands stopped pressing themselves together; she relaxed all over.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Our consent,&#8221; she repeated after a pause, sadly, and rather bitterly as well. &#8220;Dear me, Tom, you know you will do whatever you think best&#8212;the rest of us are not likely to withhold our consent for long. But if we might put in a word&#8212;to beg you,&#8221; she, went on, almost dully, but her lip was trembling too&#8212;&#8220;the house&#8212;Mother's house&#8212;the family home, in which we have all been so happy! We must sell it&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator shrugged his shoulders again. &#8220;Child, you will believe me when I tell you that I feel everything you can say, as much as you do yourself. But those are only our feelings; they aren't actual objections. What has to be done, remains the problem. Here we have this great piece of property&#8212;what shall we do with it? For years back, ever since Father's death, the whole back part has been going to pieces. A family of cats is living rent-free in the billiard-room, and you can't walk there for fear of going through the floor. Of course, if I did not have my house in Fishers' Lane&#8212; But I have, and what should I do with it? Do you think I might sell that instead? Tell me yourself, to whom? I should lose half the money I put into it. We have property enough, Tony; we have far too much, in fact. The granary buildings, and two great houses. The invested capital is out of all proportion to the value of the property. No, no, we must sell.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Frau Permaneder was not listening. She was sitting bent over on the sofa, withdrawn into herself with her own thoughts.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Our house,&#8221; she murmured. &#8220;I remember the housewarming. We were no bigger than that. The whole family was there. And Uncle Hoffstede read a poem. It is in the family papers. I know it by heart. Venus Anadyomene. The landscape-room. The dining-hall! And strange people&#8212;!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tony. They must have felt the same&#8212;the family of whom Grandfather bought the house. They had lost their money and had to give up their home, and they are all dead and gone now. Everything has its time. We ought to be grateful to God that we are better off than the Ratenkamps, and are not saying good-bye to the house under such sorry circumstances as theirs.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sobs, long, painful sobs, interrupted him. Frau Permaneder so abandoned herself to her grief that she did not even dry the tears that ran down her cheeks. She sat bent over, and the warm drops fell unheeded upon the hands lying limp in her lap.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tom,&#8221; said she, and there was a gentle, touching decision in her voice, which, a moment before her sobs had threatened to choke, &#8220;you can't understand how I feel at this hour&#8212;you cannot understand your sister's feelings! Things have not gone well with her in this life.&#8212;I have had everything to bear that fate could think of to inflict upon me. But I have borne it all without flinching, Tom: all my troubles with Gr&#252;nlich and Permaneder and Weinschenk. For, however my life seemed to go awry, I was never quite lost. I had always a safe haven to fly to. Even this last time, when everything came to an end, when they took away Weinschenk to prison, &#8216;Mother,' I said, &#8216;may we come to you?' And she said, &#8216;Yes, my children, come!' Do you remember, Tom, when we were little, and played war, there was always a little spot marked off for us to run to, where we could be safe and not be touched until we were rested again? Mother's house, this house, was my little spot, my refuge in life, Tom. And now&#8212;it must be sold&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She leaned back, buried her face in her handkerchief, and wept unrestrainedly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He drew down one of her hands and held it in his own.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know, dear Tony, I know it all. But we must be sensible. Our dear good Mother is gone. We cannot bring her back. And so&#8212; It is madness to keep the house as dead capital. Shall we turn it into a tenement-house? I know it is painful to think of strangers living here; but after all it is better you should &lt;i&gt;not&lt;/i&gt; see it. You must take a nice, pretty little house or flat somewhere for yourself and your family&#8212;outside the Castle Gate, for example. Or would you rather stop on here and let out floors to different families? And you still have the family: Gerda and me, and the Buddenbrooks in Broad Street, and the Kr&#246;gers, and Therese Weichbrodt, and Clothilde&#8212;that is, if Clothilde will condescend to associate with us, now that she's become a lady of the Order of St. John&#8212;it's so very exclusive, you know!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She gave a sigh that was already partly a laugh, and mopped her eyes with her handkerchief, looking like a hurt child whom somebody is helping, with a jest, to forget its pain. Then she resolutely cleared her face and put herself to rights, tossing her head with the characteristic gesture and bringing her chin down on her breast.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Tom,&#8221; she said, and blinked with her tear-reddened eyes, &#8220;I'll be good now; I am already. You must forgive me&#8212;and you too, Gerda&#8212;for breaking down like that. But it may happen to any one, you know. It is a weakness. But, believe me, it is only outward. I am a woman steeled by misfortunes. And that about the dead capital is very convincing to me, Tom&#8212;I've enough intelligence to understand that much, anyhow. I can only repeat that you must do what you think best. You must think and act for us all; for Gerda and I are only women, and Christian&#8212;well, God help him, poor soul! We cannot oppose you, for whatever we could say would be only sentiment, not real objections, it is very plain. To whom will you sell it, Tom? Do you think it will go off right away?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, child&#8212;how do I know? But I talked a little this morning with old Gosch the broker; he did not seem disinclined to undertake the business.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is a good idea, Tom. Siegismund Gosch has his weaknesses, of course. That thing about his translation from the Spanish&#8212;I can't remember the man's name, but it is very odd, one must admit. However, he was Father's friend, and he is an honest man through and through.&#8212;What shall you ask? A hundred thousand marks would be the least, I should think.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And &#8220;A hundred thousand marks would be the least, wouldn't it, Tom?&#8221; she was still asking, the door-knob in her hand, as the Senator and his wife went down the steps. Then she was alone, and stood there in the middle of the room with her hands clasped palms down in front of her, looking all around with large, helpless eyes. Her head, heavy with the weight of her thoughts, adorned with the little black lace cap, sank slowly, shaking all the while, deeper and deeper on one shoulder.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Little Johann was to go to take his farewell of his grandmother's mortal remains. His father so arranged it, and, though Hanno was afraid, he made not a syllable of objection. At table, the day after the Frau Consul's dying struggle, the Senator, in his son's presence and apparently with design, had commented harshly upon the conduct of Uncle Christian, who had slipped away and gone to bed when the patient's suffering was at its height. &#8220;That was his nerves, Thomas,&#8221; Gerda had answered. But with a glance at Hanno, which had not escaped the child, the Senator had severely retorted that an excuse was not in place. The agony of their departed mother had been so sore that one had felt ashamed even to be sitting there free from pain&#8212;not to mention entertaining the cowardly thought of trying to escape any suffering of mind called up by the sight. From which, Hanno had gathered that it would not be safe to object to the visit to the open coffin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The room looked as strange to him as it had at Christmas, when, on the day before the funeral, between his father and his mother, he entered it from the hall. There was a half-circle of potted plants, arranged alternately with high silver candelabra; and against the dark green leaves gleamed from a black pedestal the marble copy of Thorwaldsen's Christ, which belonged in the corridor outside. Black crape hangings fluttered everywhere in the draught, hiding the sky-blue tapestries and the smiling immortals who had looked down from these walls upon so many festive dinner-tables. Little Johann stood beside the bier among his black-clad relatives. He had a broad mourning band on his own sailor suit, and his senses felt misty with the scent from countless bouquets and wreaths&#8212;and with another odour that came wafted now and then on a current of air, and smelled strange, yet somehow familiar.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He stood beside the bier and looked at the motionless white figure stretched out there severe and solemn, amid white satin. This was not Grandmamma. There was her Sunday cap with the white silk ribbons, and her red-brown hair beneath it. But the pinched nose was not hers, nor the drawn lips, nor the sharp chin, nor the yellow, translucent hands, whose coldness and stiffness one could see. This was a wax-doll&#8212;to dress it up and lay it out like that seemed rather horrible. He looked across to the landscape-room, as though the real Grandmamma might appear there the next minute. But she did not come: she was dead. Death had turned her for ever into this wax figure that kept its lids and lips so forbiddingly closed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He stood resting on his left leg, the right knee bent, balancing lightly on the toe, and clutched his sailor knot with one hand, the other hanging down. He held his head on one side, the curly light-brown locks swaying over the temples, and looked with his gold-brown, blue-encircled eyes in brooding repugnance upon the face of the dead. His breath came long and shuddering, for he kept expecting that strange, puzzling odour which all the scent of the flowers sometimes failed to disguise. When the odour came, and he perceived it, he drew his brows still more together, his lip trembled, and the long sigh which he gave was so like a tearless sob that Frau Permaneder bent over and kissed him and took him away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And after the Senator and his wife, and Frau Permaneder and Erica, had received for long hours the condolences of the entire town, Elisabeth Buddenbrook, born Kr&#246;ger, was consigned to earth. The out-of-town families, from Hamburg and Frankfort, came to the funeral and, for the last time, received hospitality in Meng Street. And the hosts of the sympathizers filled the hall and the landscape-room, the corridor and the pillared hall; and Pastor Pringsheim of St. Mary's, erect among burning tapers at the head of the coffin, turning his face up to heaven, his hands folded beneath his chin, preached the funeral sermon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He praised in resounding tones the qualities of the departed: he praised her refinement and humility, her piety and cheer, her mildness and her charity. He spoke of the Jerusalem evenings and the Sunday-school; he gilded with matchless oratory the whole long rich and happy earthly course of her who had left them; and when he came to the end, since the word &#8220;end&#8221; needed some sort of qualifying adjective, he spoke of her &#8220;peaceful end.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder was quite aware of the dignity, the representative bearing, which she owed to herself and the community in this hour. She, her daughter Erica, and her granddaughter Elisabeth occupied the most conspicuous places of honour, close to the pastor at the head of the coffin; while Thomas, Gerda, Clothilde, and little Johann, as likewise old Consul Kr&#246;ger, who had a chair to sit in, were content, as were the relatives of the second class, to occupy less prominent places. Frau Permaneder stood there, very erect, her shoulders elevated, her black-bordered handkerchief between her folded hands; and her pride in the chief r&#244;le which it fell to her lot to perform was so great as sometimes entirely to obscure her grief. Conscious of being the focus of all eyes, she kept her own discreetly cast down; yet now and again she could not resist letting them stray over the assembly, in which she noted the presence of Julchen M&#246;llendorpf, born Hagenstr&#246;m, and her husband. Yes, they had all had to come: M&#246;llendorpfs, Kistenmakers, Langhals, &#214;verdiecks&#8212;before Tony Buddenbrook left her parental roof for ever, they had all gathered here, to offer her, despite Gr&#252;nlich, despite Permaneder, despite Hugo Weinschenk, their sympathy and condolences.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pastor Pringsheim's sermon went on, turning the knife in the wound that death had made: he caused each person present to remember his own dead, he knew how to make tears flow where none would have flowed of themselves&#8212;and for this the weeping ones were grateful to him. When he mentioned the Jerusalem evenings, all the old friends of the dead began to sob&#8212;excepting Madame Kethelsen, who did not hear a word he said, but stared straight before her with the remote air of the deaf, and the Gerhardt sisters, the descendants of Paul, who stood hand in hand in a corner, their eyes glowing. They were glad for the death of their friend, and could have envied her but that envy and unkindness were foreign to their natures.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Poor Mademoiselle Weichbrodt blew her nose all the time, with a short, emphatic sound. The Misses Buddenbrook did not weep. It was not their habit. Their bearing, less angular than usual, expressed a mild satisfaction with the impartial justice of death.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pastor Pringsheim's last &#8220;amen&#8221; resounded, and the four bearers, in their black three-cornered hats, their black cloaks billowing out behind them with the swiftness of their advance, came softly in and put their hands upon the coffin. They were four lackeys, known to everybody, who were engaged to hand the heavy dishes at every large dinner in the best circles, and who drank M&#246;llendorpf's claret out of the carafes, between the courses. But, also, they were indispensable at every funeral of the first or second class, being of large experience in this kind of work. They knew that the harshness of this moment, when the coffin was laid hold upon by strange hands and borne away from the survivors, must be ameliorated by tact and swiftness. Their movements were quick, agile, and noiseless; hardly had any one time to be sensible of the pain of the situation, before they had lifted the burden from the bier to their shoulders, and the flower-covered casket swayed away smoothly and with decorum through the pillared hall.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The ladies pressed tenderly about Frau Permaneder and her daughter to offer their sympathy. They took her hand and murmured, with drooping eyes, precisely no more and no less than what on such occasions must be murmured; while the gentlemen made ready to go down to the carriages.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then came, in a long, black procession, the slow drive through the grey, misty streets out through the Burg Thor, along the leafless avenue in a cold driving rain, to the cemetery, where the funeral march sounded behind half-bare shrubbery on the edge of the little grove, and the great sandstone cross marked the Buddenbrook family lot. The stone lid of the grave, carven with the family arms, lay close to the black hole framed in dripping greens.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A place had been prepared down below for the new-comer. In the last few days, the Senator had supervised the work of pushing aside the remains of a few early Buddenbrooks. The music sounded, the coffin swayed on the ropes above the open depth of masonry; with a gentle commotion it glided down. Pastor Pringsheim, who had put on pulse-warmers, began to speak afresh, his voice ringing fervid and emotional above the open grave. He bent over the grave and spoke to the dead, calling her by her full name, and blessed her with the sign of the cross. His voice ceased; all the gentlemen held their top-hats in front of their faces with their black-gloved hands; and the sun came out a little. It had stopped raining, and into the sound of the single drops that fell from the trees and bushes there broke now and then the short, fine, questioning twitter of a bird.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All the gentlemen turned a moment to press the hands of the sons and brother of the dead once more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook, as the others filed by, stood between his brother Christian and his uncle Justus. His thick dark woollen overcoat was dewed with fine silver drops. He had begun of late to grow a little stout, the single sign of age in his carefully preserved exterior, and his cheeks, behind the pointed protruding ends of his moustaches, looked rounder than they used; but it was a pale and sallow roundness, without blood or life. He held each man's hand a moment in his own, and his slightly reddened eyes looked them all, with weary politeness, in the face.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;A week later there sat in Senator Buddenbrook's private office, in the leather chair beside the writing-desk, a little smooth-shaven old man with snow-white hair falling over his brow and temples. He sat in a crouching position, supporting both hands on the white top of his crutch-cane, and his pointed chin on his hands; while he directed at the Senator a look of such malevolence, such a crafty, penetrating glance, that one wondered why the latter did not avoid contact with such a man as this. But the Senator sat apparently at ease, leaning back in his chair, talking to this baleful apparition as to a harmless ordinary citizen. Broker Siegismund Gosch and the head of the firm of Johann Buddenbrook were discussing the price of the Meng Street house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It took a long time. The offer of twenty-eight thousand thaler made by Herr Gosch seemed too low to the Senator, and the broker called heaven to witness that it would be an act of madness to add a single groschen to the sum. Thomas Buddenbrook spoke of the central position and unusual extent of the property; but Herr Gosch, with picturesque gestures, in low and sibilant tones, expatiated upon the criminal risk he would be running. He waxed almost poetic. Ha! Could his honoured friend tell him when, to whom, for how much, he would be able to get rid of the house again? How often, in the course of the century, would there be a demand for such a house? Perhaps his friend and patron could assure him that to-morrow, on the train from Buchen, there was arriving an Indian nabob who wished to establish himself in the Buddenbrook mansion? He, Siegismund Gosch, would have it on his hands, simply on his hands, and it would be the ruin of him. He would be a beaten man, his race would be run, his grave dug&#8212;yes, it would be dug&#8212;and, as the phrase enchanted him, he repeated it, and added something more about chattering apes and clods of earth falling upon the lid of his coffin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the Senator was not satisfied. He spoke of the ease with which the property could be divided, emphasized his responsibility toward his sister, and remained by the sum of thirty thousand thaler. After which he had to listen, with a mixture of enjoyment and impatience, to a rejoinder from Herr Gosch, which lasted some two hours, during which the broker sounded, as it were, all the registers of his character. He played two r&#244;les at once: first, the hypocritical villain, with a sweet voice, his head on one side, and a smile of open-hearted simplicity. Stretching out his large, white hand, with the long, trembling fingers, he said &#8220;Agree, my dear young patron: eighty-four thousand marks&#8212;it is the offer of an honest old man.&#8221; But a child could have seen that this was all lies and treachery&#8212;a deceiving mask, behind which the man's deep villainy peeped forth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook finally declared that he must take time to think, and that in any case he must consult his sister, before he accepted the twenty-eight thousand thaler&#8212;which was unlikely. Then he turned the conversation to indifferent topics and asked Herr Gosch about business and his health.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Things were going badly with Herr Gosch. He made a fine, sweeping gesture to wave away the imputation that he was a prosperous man. The burdens of old age approached, they were at hand even now; as aforesaid, his grave was dug. He could not even carry his glass of grog to his lips without spilling half of it, his arm trembled so like the devil. It did no good to curse. The will no longer availed. And yet&#8212;! He had his life behind him&#8212;not such a poor life, after all. He had looked at the world with his eyes open. Revolutions had thundered by, their waves had beat upon his heart&#8212;so to speak. Ha! Those were other times, when he had stood at the side of Consul Johann Buddenbrook, the Senator's father, at that historic sitting, and defied the fury of the raging mob. A frightful experience! No, his life had not been poor, either outwardly or inwardly. Hang it&#8212;he had been conscious of powers&#8212;and as the power is, so is the ideal&#8212;as Feuerbach says. And even now&#8212;even now, his soul was not impoverished, his heart was still young: it had never ceased, and would never cease, to be capable of great emotions, to live fervently in and for his ideals. They would go with him to his grave.&#8212;But were ideals, after all, meant to be realized? No, a thousand times no! We might long for the stars, but should we ever reach them? No, hope, not realization, was the most beautiful thing in life: &#8220;L'esp&#233;rance, tout trompeuse qu'elle est, sert au moins &#224; nous mener &#224; la fin de la vie par un chemin agr&#233;able.&#8221; La Rochefoucauld said that, and it was fine, wasn't it? Oh, yes, his honoured friend and patron, of course, did not need to console himself with that sort of thing. The waves of life had lifted him high on their shoulders, and fortune played about his brow. But for the lonely and submerged, who dreamed alone in the darkness&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly&#8212;&#8220;&lt;i&gt;You&lt;/i&gt; are happy,&#8221; he said, laying his hand on the Senator's knee, and looking up at him with swimming eyes. &#8220;Don't deny it&#8212;it would be sacrilege. You are happy. You hold fortune in your arms. You have reached out your strong arms and conquered her&#8212;your strong hands,&#8221; he corrected himself, not liking the sound of &#8220;arms&#8221; twice so close together. He was silent, and the Senator's deprecating, patient reply went unheard. He seemed to be darkly dreaming for a moment; then he got up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We have been chatting,&#8221; he said, &#8220;but we came together on business. Time is money. Let us not waste it in hesitation. Listen to me. Since it is you: since it is you, you understand&#8212;&#8221; here it almost looked as though Herr Gosch was about to give way again to another rhapsody; but he restrained himself. He made a wide, sweeping gesture, and cried: &#8220;Twenty-nine thousand thaler, eighty-seven thousand marks current, for your mother's house! Is it a bargain?&#8221; And Senator Buddenbrook agreed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder, of course, found the sum ridiculously small. Considering the memories that clung about it, she would have thought a million down no more than an honest price for their old home. But she rapidly adjusted herself&#8212;the more readily that her thoughts and efforts were soon taken up by plans for the future.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She rejoiced from the bottom of her heart over all the good furniture that had fallen to her share. And though there was no idea of bustling her away from under the parental roof, she plunged at once, with the greatest zest, into the business of finding and renting a new home. The leave-taking would be hard&#8212;the very thought of it brought tears to her eyes. But the prospect of a change was not without its own charm too. It was almost like another setting-out&#8212;the fourth one! And so again she looked at houses and visited Jacob's; again she bargained for porti&#232;res and stair-carpets. And while she did all that, her heart beat faster&#8212;yes, even the heart of this old woman who was steeled by the misfortunes of life!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Weeks passed like this: four, five, six weeks. The first snow fell, the stoves crackled. Winter was here again; and the Buddenbrooks began to consider sadly what sort of Christmas feast they should have this year. But now something happened: something surprising and dramatic beyond all words, something that simply knocked you off your feet. Frau Permaneder paused in the midst of her business, like one paralyzed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thomas,&#8221; she said, &#8220;am I crazy? Is Gosch dreaming? It is too absurd, too outlandish&#8212;&#8221; She held her temples with both her hands. The Senator shrugged his shoulders.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear child, nothing at all is decided yet. But there is the possibility&#8212;and if you think it over quietly, you will see that there is nothing so extraordinary about it, after all. It is a little startling, I admit. It gave me a start when Gosch first told me. But absurd? What makes it absurd?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should die,&#8221; said she. She sat down in a chair and stopped there without moving.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was going on? Simply that a buyer had appeared for the house; or, rather, a possible purchaser showed a desire to go over it, with a view to negotiations. And this possible purchaser was&#8212;Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m, wholesale dealer and Consul for the Kingdom of Portugal.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the first rumour reached Frau Permaneder, she was stunned, incredulous, incapable of grasping the idea. But when the rumour became concrete, when it actually took shape in the person of Consul Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m, standing, as it were, before the door, then she pulled herself together, and animation came back to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This must not happen, Thomas. As long as I live, it must not happen. When one sells one's house, one is bound to look out for the sort of master it gets. Our Mother's house! Our house! The landscape-room!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what stands in the way?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What stands in the way? Heavens, Thomas! Mountains stand in the way&#8212;or they ought to! But he doesn't see them, this fat man with the snub nose! He doesn't care about them. He has no delicacy and no feeling&#8212;he is like the beasts that perish. From time immemorial the Hagenstr&#246;ms and we have been rivals. Old Heinrich played Father and Grandfather some dirty tricks; and if Hermann hasn't tripped you up yet, it is only because he hasn't had a chance. When we were children, I boxed his ears in the open street, for very good reasons; and his precious little sister Julchen nearly scratched me to pieces for it. That was all childishness, then. But they have always looked on and enjoyed it whenever we had a piece of bad luck&#8212;and it was mostly I myself who gave them the pleasure. God willed it so. Whatever the Consul did to injure you or overreach you in a business way, that I can't speak of, Tom. You must know better than I. But the last straw was when Erica made a good marriage and he wormed around and wormed around until he managed to spoil it and get her husband shut up, through his brother, who is a cat! And now they have the nerve&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, Tony. In the first place, we have nothing more to say in the matter. We made our bargain with Gosch, and he has the right to deal with whomever he likes. But there is a sort of irony about it, after all&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Irony? Well, if you like to call it that&#8212;but what I call it is a disgrace, a slap in the face; because that is just what it would be. You don't realize what it would be like, in the least. But it would mean to everybody that the Buddenbrook family are finished and done for: they clear out, and the Hagenstr&#246;ms squeeze into their place, rattlety-bang! No, Thomas, never will I consent to sit by while this goes on. I will never stir a finger in such baseness. Let him come here if he dares. I won't receive him, you may be sure of that. I will sit in my room with my daughter and my granddaughter, and turn the key in the door, and forbid him to enter.&#8212;That is just what I will do.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know, Tony, you will do what you think best; and you will probably consider well beforehand if it will be wise not to preserve the ordinary social forms. For of course you don't imagine that Consul Hagenstr&#246;m would feel wounded by your conduct? Not in the least, my child. It would neither please nor displease him&#8212;he would simply be mildly surprised, that is all. The trouble is, you imagine he has the same feelings toward you that you have toward him. That is a mistake, Tony. He does not hate us in the least. He doesn't hate anybody. He is highly successful and extremely good-natured. As I've told you more than ten times already, he would speak to you on the street with the utmost cordiality if you didn't put on such a belligerent air. I'm sure he is surprised at it&#8212;for two minutes; of course not enough to upset the equilibrium of a man to whom nobody can do any harm. What is it you reproach him with? Suppose he has outstripped me in business, and even now and then got ahead of me in some public affair? That only means he is a better business man and a cleverer politician than I am.&#8212;There's no reason at all for you to laugh in that scornful way.&#8212;But to come back to the house. The truth is, it has lost most of its old significance for us&#8212;that has gradually passed over to mine. I say this to console you in advance; on the other hand, it is plain why Consul Hagenstr&#246;m is thinking of buying. These people have come up in the world, their family is growing, they have married into the M&#246;llendorpf family, and become equal to the best in money and position. But so far, there has been something lacking, the outward sign of their position, which they were evidently willing to do without: the historic consecration&#8212;the legitimization, so to speak. But now they seem to have made up their minds to have that too; and some of it they will get by moving into a house like this one. You wait and see: mark my words, the Consul will preserve everything as much as possible as it is, he will even keep the &#8216;Dominus providebit' over the door&#8212;though, to do him justice, it hasn't been the Lord at all, but Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m himself, single-handed, that has put the family and the firm where they are!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bravo, Tom! Oh, it does do me good to hear you say something spiteful about them once in a while! That's really all I want! Oh, if I only had your head! Wouldn't I just give it to him! But there you stand&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see, my head doesn't really do me much good.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There you stand, I say, with that awful calmness, which I simply don't understand at all, and tell me how Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m does things. Ah, you may talk as you like, but you have a heart in your body, the same as I have myself, and I simply don't believe you feel as calm inside as you make out. All the things you say are nothing but your own efforts to console yourself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, Tony, you are getting pert. What I &lt;i&gt;do&lt;/i&gt; is all you have anything to do with&#8212;what I think is my own affair.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me one thing, Tom: wouldn't it be like a nightmare to you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Exactly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Like something you dreamed in a fever?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Like the most ridiculous kind of farce?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There, there, now, that's enough!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Consul Hagenstr&#246;m appeared in Meng Street, accompanied by Herr Gosch, who held his Jesuit hat in his hand, crouched over like a conspirator, and peered past the maid into the landscape-room even while he handed her his card.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m looked the City man to the life: an imposing Stock Exchange figure, in a coat the fur of which seemed a foot long, standing open over an English winter suit of good fuzzy yellow-green tweed. He was so uncommonly fat that not only his chin, but the whole lower part of his face, was double&#8212;a fact which his full short-trimmed blond beard could not disguise. When he moved his forehead or eyebrows, deep folds came even in the smoothly shorn skin of his skull. His nose lay flatter upon his upper lip than ever, and breathed down into his moustaches. Now and then his mouth had to come to the rescue and fly open for a deep breath. When it did this it always made a little smacking noise, as the tongue came away from the roof of his mouth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder coloured when she heard this once well-known sound. A vision of lemon-buns with truffled sausage on top, almost threatened, for a moment, the stony dignity of her bearing. She sat on the sofa, her arms crossed and her shoulders lifted, in an exquisitely fitting black gown with flounces up to the waist, and a dainty mourning cap on her smooth hair. As the two gentlemen entered, she made a remark to her brother the Senator, in a calm, indifferent tone. He had not had the heart to leave her in the lurch at this hour; and he now walked to the middle of the room to meet their guests, while Tony remained on the sofa. He exchanged a hearty greeting with Herr Gosch and a correct and courteous one with the Consul; then Tony rose of her own accord, performed a measured bow to both of them at once, and, without any excess of zeal, associated herself with her brother's invitation to the two gentlemen to be seated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They all sat down, and the Consul and the broker talked by turns for the next few minutes. Herr Gosch's voice was offensively obsequious as he begged them to pardon the intrusion on their privacy&#8212;you could hear a malign undercurrent in it none the less&#8212;but Herr Consul Hagenstr&#246;m was anxious to go through the house with a view to possible purchase. And the Consul, in a voice that again called up visions of lemon-bun and goose-liver, said the same thing in different words. Yes, in fact, this was the idea he had in mind and hoped to be able to carry out&#8212;provided the broker did not try to drive too hard a bargain with him, ha, ha! He did not doubt but the matter could be settled to the satisfaction of everybody concerned.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His manner was free and easy and like a man of the world's, which did not fail to make a certain impression on Madame Permaneder; the more so that he nearly always turned to her as he spoke. His tone was almost apologetic when he went into detail upon the grounds for his desire to purchase. &#8220;Room!&#8221; he said. &#8220;We need more room. My house in Sand Street&#8212;you wouldn't believe it, my dear madam, nor you, Herr Senator, but in fact, it is getting so small we can't turn round in it. I'm not speaking of company. It only takes the family, and the Huneus, and the M&#246;llendorpfs and my brother Moritz's family, and there we are&#8212;in fact, packed in like sardines. So, then&#8212;well, why should we, you know!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He spoke in an almost fretful tone, while manner and gestures expressed: &#8220;You see for yourselves, there's no reason why I should put up with that sort of thing, when there is plenty of money to do what we like!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I thought of waiting,&#8221; he went on, &#8220;till Zerline and Bob should want a house. Then they could take mine, and I could find something larger for myself. But in fact&#8212;you know,&#8221; he interrupted himself, &#8220;my daughter Zerline has been engaged to Bob, my brother the attorney's eldest, for years. The wedding won't be put off much longer&#8212;two years at most. They are young&#8212;so much the better. Well&#8212;in fact&#8212;why should I wait for them and let slip a good chance when it offers? There would be no sense in that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everybody agreed. The conversation paused for a while on the subject of the approaching wedding. Marriages&#8212;advantageous marriages&#8212;between first cousins were not uncommon in the town, and this one excited no disapproval. The plans of the young pair were inquired into&#8212;with reference to the wedding journey. They thought of going to the Riviera, to Nice and so on. That was what they seemed to want to do&#8212;and why shouldn't they, you know? The younger children were mentioned, and the Consul spoke of them with easy satisfaction, shrugging his shoulders. He himself had five children, and his brother Moritz had four sons and daughters. Yes, they were all flourishing, thanks. Why shouldn't they be,&#8212;you know? In fact, they were all very well. And he came back to the growing up of the family, and to their narrow quarters. &#8220;Yes, this is something else entirely,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I've seen that already, on the way upstairs. This house is a pearl, certainly a pearl&#8212;if you can compare anything so large with anything so small, ha, ha! Why, even the hangings here&#8212;I own up to having had my eye on the hangings all the time I've been talking. A most charming room&#8212;in fact. When I think that you have passed all your life in these surroundings&#8212;in fact&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;With some interruptions,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder, in that extraordinarily throaty voice of which she sometimes availed herself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, interruptions,&#8221; repeated the Consul, with a civil smile. Then he glanced at Senator Buddenbrook and the broker; and, as those gentlemen were in conversation together, he drew up his chair to Frau Permaneder's sofa and leaned toward her, so that she felt his heavy breathing close under her nose. Being too polite to turn away, she sat as stiff and erect as possible and looked down at him under her drooping lids. But he was quite unconscious of her discomfort.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let me see, my dear Madame Permaneder,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Seems to me we've done business together before now. In fact&#8212;what was it we were dickering over then? Sweetmeats, wasn't it, or tit-bits of some sort&#8212;and now a whole house!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't remember,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder. She held her neck as stiff as she could, for his face was really disgustingly, indecently near.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't remember?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, really, I don't remember anything at all about sweetmeats. I have a sort of hazy recollection of lemon-buns, with sausage on top&#8212;some disgusting sort of school luncheon&#8212;I don't know whether it was yours or mine. We were all children then.&#8212;But this matter of the house is entirely Herr Gosch's affair. I have nothing to do with it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She gave her brother a quick, grateful look, for he had seen her need and come to her rescue by asking if the gentlemen were ready to make the round of the house. They were quite ready, and took temporary leave of Frau Permaneder, expressing the hope of seeing her again when they had finished. The Senator led the two gentlemen out through the dining-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He took them upstairs and down, and showed them the rooms in the second storey as well as those on the corridor of the first, and the ground floor, including the kitchen and cellars. As the visit fell in business hours, they refrained from visiting the offices of the Insurance Company. But the new Director was mentioned, and Consul Hagenstr&#246;m declared him to be a very honest chap&#8212;a remark which was received by the Senator in silence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They went through the garden, lying bare and wretched under half-melting snow, looked at the Portal, and returned to the laundry, in the front courtyard; and thence by the narrow paved walk that led between walls to the back courtyard with the oak-tree, and the &#8220;back-building.&#8221; Here there was nothing but old age, neglect, and dilapidation. Grass and moss grew between the paving-stones, the steps were in a state of advanced decay, and they could only look into the billiard-room without entering,&#8212;the floor was so bad&#8212;so the family of cats that lived there rent-free was not disturbed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Consul Hagenstr&#246;m said very little&#8212;he was obviously planning. &#8220;Well, yes,&#8221; he kept saying, as he looked and turned away, suggesting by his manner that in case he bought the house all this would of course be different. He stood, with the same air, on the ground floor of the back building and looked up at the empty attic. &#8220;Yes, well,&#8221; he repeated, and set in motion the thick, rotting cable with a rusty iron hook on the end that had been hanging there for years. Then he turned on his heel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Best thanks for your trouble, Herr Senator,&#8221; he said. &#8220;We're at the end, I suppose.&#8221; He scarcely uttered a word on the rapid return to the front building, or later when the two gentlemen paid their respects to Frau Permaneder in the landscape-room and the Senator accompanied them down the steps and across the entry. But hardly had they said good-bye and Consul Hagenstr&#246;m turned with his companion to walk down the street, when it was seen that a very lively conversation began at once between the two.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator returned to the room where Frau Permaneder, with her severest manner, sat bolt upright in the window, knitting with two huge wooden needles a black worsted frock for her granddaughter Elisabeth, and now and then casting a glance into the gossip's glass. Thomas walked up and down a while in silence, with his hands in his trousers pockets.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, we have put it in the broker's hands,&#8221; he said at length. &#8220;We must wait and see what comes of it. My opinion is that he will buy the whole property, live here in the front, and utilize the back part in some other way.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She did not look at him, or change her position, or cease to knit. On the contrary, the needles flew back and forth faster than ever.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, certainly&#8212;of course he'll buy it. He'll buy the whole thing,&#8221; she said, and it was her throaty voice she used. &#8220;Why shouldn't he buy it&#8212;you know? In fact, there would be no sense in that at all!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She raised her eyebrows and looked severely through her pince-nez&#8212;which she now used for sewing, but never managed to put on straight&#8212;at her knitting-needles. They flew like lightning round and round each other, clacking all the while.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Christmas came: the first Christmas without the Frau Consul. They spent the evening of the twenty-fourth at the Senator's house, without the old Kr&#246;gers and without the Misses Buddenbrook; for the old children's day had now ceased to exist, and Thomas Buddenbrook did not feel like making presents to everybody who used to attend the Frau Consul's celebration. Only Frau Permaneder and Erica, with little Elisabeth, Christian, Clothilde, and Mademoiselle Weichbrodt, were invited. The latter insisted on holding the customary present-giving on the twenty-fifth, in her own stuffy little rooms, where it was attended with the usual mishap.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was no troop of poor retainers to receive shoes and woollen underwear, and there were no choir-boys, when they assembled in Fishers' Lane on the twenty-fourth. They joined quite simply together in &#8220;Holy Night,&#8221; and Therese Weichbrodt read the Christmas chapter instead of the Frau Senator, who did not particularly care for such things. Then they went through the suite of rooms into the hall, singing in a subdued way the first stanza of &#8220;O Evergreen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was no special ground for rejoicing. Nobody's face was beaming with joy, there was no lively conversation. What was there to talk about? They thought of the departed mother, discussed the sale of the house and the well-lighted apartment which Frau Permaneder had rented in a pleasant house outside Holsten Gate, with a view on the green square of Linden Place, and what would happen when Hugo Weinschenk came out of prison. At intervals little Johann played on the piano something which he had been learning with Herr Pf&#252;hl, or accompanied his mother, not faultlessly, but with a lovely singing tone, in a Mozart sonata. He was praised and kissed, but had to be taken off to bed by Ida Jungmann, for he was pale and tired on account of a recent stomach upset.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Even Christian was disinclined to talk or joke. After the violent altercation in the breakfast-room he had not let fall another syllable about getting married. He lived on in the old way, on terms with his brother which were not very honourable to himself. He made a brief effort, rolling his eyes about, to awaken sympathy in the company for the misery in his side; went early to the club; and came back to supper, which was held after the prescribed traditions. And then the Buddenbrooks had this Christmas too behind them, and were glad of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the beginning of the year 1872, the household of the deceased Frau Consul was broken up. The servants went, and Frau Permaneder thanked God to see the last of Mamsell Severin, who had continued to question her authority in the most unpleasant manner, and now departed with the silk gowns and linen which she had accumulated. Furniture wagons stood before the door, and the old house was emptied of its contents. The great carved chest, the gilt candelabra, and the other things that had fallen to his share, the Senator took to his house in Fishers' Lane; Christian moved with his into a three-room bachelor apartment near the club; and the little Permaneder-Weinschenk family took possession with theirs of the well-lighted flat in Linden Place, which was after all not without some claims to elegance. It was a pretty little apartment, and the front door of it had a bright copper plate with the name A. Permaneder-Buddenbrook, Widow, in ornamental lettering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The house in Meng Street was hardly emptied when a host of workmen appeared and began to tear down the back-building; the dust from the old mortar darkened the air. The property had passed into the hands of Consul Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m. He had set his heart upon it, and had outbid an offer which Sigmund Gosch received for it from Bremen. He immediately began to turn it to the best advantage, in the ingenious way for which he had been so long admired. In the spring he moved with his family into the front house, where he left everything almost untouched, save for the necessary renovations and certain very modern improvements. For instance, he had the old bell-pulls taken out and the house fitted throughout with electric bells. And hardly had the back-building been demolished when a new, neat, and airy structure rose in its place, which fronted on Bakers' Alley and was intended for shops and warehouses.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder had frequently sworn to her brother that no power on earth could bring her ever to look at the parental home again. But it was hardly possible to carry out this threat. Her way sometimes led her of necessity past the shops which had been quickly and advantageously rented, and past the show-windows of the back-building, or the dignified gable front on the other side, where now, beneath the &#8220;Dominus Providebit,&#8221; was to be read the name of Consul Hermann Hagenstr&#246;m. When she saw that, Frau Permaneder, on the open street, before ever so many people, simply began to weep aloud. She put back her head like a bird beginning to sing, pressed her handkerchief to her eyes, uttered a wail of mingled protest and lament, and, giving no heed to the passers-by or to the remonstrances of her daughter, gave her tears free vent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were the unashamed, refreshing tears of her childhood, which she still retained despite all the storms and shipwrecks of her life.&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART TEN&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Often, in an hour of depression, Thomas Buddenbrook asked himself what he was, or what there was about him to make him think even a little better of himself than he did of his honest, limited, provincial fellow-burghers. The imaginative grasp, the brave idealism of his youth was gone. To work at his play, to play at his work, to bend an ambition that was half-earnest, half-whimsical, toward the accomplishment of aims that even to himself possessed but a symbolic value&#8212;for such blithe scepticism and such an enlightened spirit of compromise, a great deal of vitality is necessary, as well as a sense of humour. And Thomas Buddenbrook felt inexpressibly weary and disgusted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What there was in life for him to reach, he had reached. He was well aware that the high-water mark of his life&#8212;if that were a possible way to speak of such a commonplace, humdrum sort of existence&#8212;had long since passed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As for money matters, his estate was much reduced and the business, in general, on the decline. Counting his mother's inheritance and his share of the Meng Street property, he was still worth more than six hundred thousand marks. But the working capital of the firm had lain fallow for years, under the pennywise policies of which the Senator had complained at the time of the affair of the P&#246;ppenrade harvest. Since the blow he had then received, they had grown worse instead of better; until now, at a time when prospects were brighter than ever&#8212;when everybody was flushed with victory, the city had at last joined the Customs Union, and small retail firms all over the country were growing within a few years into large wholesale ones&#8212;the firm of Johann Buddenbrook rested on its oars and reaped no advantage from the favourable time. If the head of the firm were asked after his business, he would answer, with a deprecating wave of the hand, &#8220;Oh, it's not much good, these days.&#8221; As a lively rival, a close friend of the Hagenstr&#246;ms, once put it, Thomas Buddenbrook's function on 'Change was now largely decorative! The jest had for its point a jeer at the Senator's carefully preserved and faultless exterior&#8212;and it was received as a masterpiece of wit by his fellow-citizens.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus the Senator's services to the old firm were no longer what they had been in the time of his strength and enthusiasm; while his labours for the good of the community had at the same time reached a point where they were circumscribed by limitations from without. When he was elected to the Senate, in fact, he had reached those limitations. There were thereafter only places to keep, offices to hold, but nothing further that he could achieve: nothing but the present, the narrow reality; never any grandiose plans to be carried out in the future. He had, indeed, known how to make his position and his power mean more than others had made them mean in his place: even his enemies did not deny that he was &#8220;the Burgomaster's right hand.&#8221; But Burgomaster himself Thomas Buddenbrook could never become. He was a merchant, not a professional man; he had not taken the classical course at the gymnasium, he was not a lawyer. He had always done a great deal of historical and literary reading in his spare time, and he was conscious of being superior to his circle in mind and understanding, in inward as well as outward culture; so he did not waste much time in lamenting the lack of external qualifications which made it impossible for him to succeed to the first place in his little community. &#8220;How foolish we were,&#8221; he said to Stephan Kistenmaker&#8212;but he really only meant himself by &#8220;we&#8221;&#8212;&#8220;that we went into the office so young, and did not finish our schooling instead.&#8221; And Stephan Kistenmaker answered: &#8220;You're right there. But how do you mean?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator now chiefly worked alone at the great mahogany writing-desk in his private office. No one could see him there when he leaned his head on his hand and brooded, with his eyes closed. But he preferred it, also, because the hair-splitting pedantries of Herr Marcus had become unendurable to him. The way the man for ever straightened his writing-materials and stroked his beard would in itself have driven Thomas Buddenbrook from his seat in the counting-room. The fussiness of the old man had increased with the years to a positive mania; but what made it intolerable to the Senator was the fact that of late he had begun to notice something of the same sort in himself. He, who had once so hated all smallness and pettiness, was developing a pedantry which seemed to him the outgrowth of anybody else's character rather than his own.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was empty within. There was no stimulus, no absorbing task into which he could throw himself. But his nervous activity, his inability to be quiet, which was something entirely different from his father's natural and permanent fondness for work, had not lessened, but increased&#8212;it had indeed taken the upper hand and become his master. It was something artificial, a pressure on the nerves, a depressant, in fact, like the pungent little Russian cigarettes which he was perpetually smoking. This craving for activity had become a martyrdom; but it was dissipated in a host of trivialities. He was harassed by a thousand trifles, most of which had actually to do with the upkeep of his house and his wardrobe; small matters which he could not keep in his head, over which he procrastinated out of disgust, and upon which he spent an utterly disproportionate amount of time and thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What outsiders called his vanity had lately increased in a way of which he was himself ashamed, though he was without the power to shake off the habits he had formed. Nowadays it was nine o'clock before he appeared to Herr Wenzel, in his nightshirt, after hours of heavy, unrefreshing sleep; and quite an hour and a half later before he felt himself ready and panoplied to begin the day, and could descend to drink his tea in the first storey. His toilette was a ritual consisting of a succession of countless details which drove him half mad: from the cold douche in the bathroom to the last brushing of the last speck of dust off his coat, and the last pressure of the tongs on his moustache. But it would have been impossible for him to leave his dressing-room with the consciousness of having neglected a single one of these details, for fear he might lose thereby his sense of immaculate integrity&#8212;which, however, would be dissipated in the course of the next hour and have to be renewed again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He saved in everything, so far as he could&#8212;without subjecting himself to gossip. But he did not save where his clothes were concerned&#8212;he still had them made by the best Hamburg tailor, and spared no expense in the care and replenishing of his wardrobe. A spacious cabinet, like another room, was built into the wall of his dressing-room; and here, on long rows of hooks, on wooden hangers, were coats, smoking jackets, frock-coats, evening clothes, clothes for all occasions, all seasons, and all grades of formality; the carefully creased trousers were arranged on chairs beneath. The top of his chest of drawers was covered with combs, brushes, and toilet preparations for hair and beard; while within it was the supply of body linen of all possible kinds, which was constantly changed, washed, worn out, and renewed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He spent in this dressing-room not only the early hours of each morning, but also a long time before every dinner, every sitting of the Senate, every public appearance&#8212;in short, before every occasion on which he had to show himself among his fellow men&#8212;even before the daily dinner with his wife, little Johann, and Ida Jungmann. And when he left it, the fresh underwear on his body, the faultless elegance of his clothing, the smell of the brilliantine on his moustache, and the cool, astringent taste of the mouth-wash he used&#8212;all this gave him a feeling of satisfaction and adequacy, like that of an actor who has adjusted every detail of his costume and make-up and now steps out upon the stage. And, in truth, Thomas Buddenbrook's existence was no different from that of an actor&#8212;an actor whose whole life has become one long production, which, but for a few brief hours for relaxation, consumes him unceasingly. In the absence of any ardent objective interest, his inward impoverishment oppressed him almost without any relief, with a constant, dull chagrin; while he stubbornly clung to the determination to be worthily representative, to conceal his inward decline, and to preserve &#8220;the &lt;i&gt;dehors&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb27&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;dehors &#8211; outward appearance&#034; id=&#034;nh27&#034;&gt;27&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;&#8221; whatever it cost him. All this made of his life, his every word, his every motion, a constant irritating pretence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And this state of things showed itself by peculiar symptoms and strange whims, which he observed with surprise and disgust. People who have no r&#244;le to perform before the public, who do not conceive themselves as acting a part, but as standing unobserved to watch the performance of others, like to stand with the light at their backs. But Thomas Buddenbrook could not endure the feeling of standing in the shadow while the light streamed full upon the faces of those whom he wished to impress. He wanted his audience, before whom he was to act the r&#244;le of a social light, a public orator, or a representative business man, to stand before him in a confused and shadowy mass while a blinding light played upon his own face. Only this gave him a feeling of separation and safety, an intoxicating sense of self-production, which was the atmosphere in which he achieved success. It had come to be the case that precisely this intoxication was the most bearable condition he knew. When he stood up at table, wine-glass in hand, to reply to a toast, with his charming manner, easy gestures, and witty turns of phrase, which struck unerringly home and released waves of merriment down the length of the table, then he might feel, as well as seem, the Thomas Buddenbrook of former days. It was much harder to keep the mastery over himself when he was sitting idle. For then his weariness and disgust rose up within him, clouded his eyes, relaxed his bearing and his facial muscles. At such times, he was possessed by one desire: to steal away, to be alone, to lie in silence, with his head resting on a cool pillow.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Frau Permaneder had dined that evening in Fishers' Lane. She was the only guest, for her daughter, who was to have gone, had visited her husband that afternoon in the prison, and felt, as she usually did, exhausted and incapable of further effort. So she had stayed at home.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Antonie had spoken at table of the mental condition of her son-in-law, which, it appeared, was very bad; and the question arose whether one might not, with some hope of success, petition the Senate for a pardon. After dinner the three relatives sat in the living-room, at the round table beneath the great gas-lamp. The Frau Senator bent her lovely face over some embroidery, and the gas-light lit up gleams in her dark hair; Frau Permaneder, with careful fingers, fastened an enormous red satin bow on to a tiny yellow basket, intended as a birthday present for a friend. Her glasses were stuck absolutely awry and useless on her nose. The Senator sat with his legs crossed, partly turned away from the table, in a large upholstered easy-chair, reading the paper; he drew in the smoke of his Russian cigarette and let it out again in a light grey stream between his moustaches.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a warm summer Sunday evening. The lofty window was open, and the lifeless, rather damp air flowed into the room. From where they sat at the table they could look between the grey gables of intervening houses at the stars and the slowly moving clouds. There was still light in Iwersen's little flower-shop across the way. Further on in the quiet street a concertina was being played with a good many false notes, probably by the son of Dankwart the driver. But sometimes the street was noisy with a troop of sailors, singing, smoking, arm in arm, going, no doubt, from one doubtful waterside public-house to another still more doubtful one, and obviously in a jovial mood. Their rough voices and swinging tread would die off down a cross-street.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator laid down his newspaper, put his glasses in his waistcoat pocket, and rubbed his hand over his eyes and forehead.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Feeble&#8212;very feeble indeed, this paper,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I always think when I read it of what Grandfather used to say about a dish that had no particular taste or consistency: it tastes as if you were hanging your tongue out of the window. One, two, three, and you've finished with the whole stupid thing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are certainly right about that, Tom,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder, letting fall her work and looking at her brother sidewise, past her glasses but not through them. &#8220;What is there in it? I've always said, ever since I was a mere slip of a girl, that this town paper is a wretched sheet! I read it too, of course, for want of a better one; but it isn't so very thrilling to hear that wholesale dealer Consul So-and-so is going to celebrate his silver wedding! We ought to read other papers: the &lt;i&gt;K&#246;nigsberg Gazette&lt;/i&gt;, or the &lt;i&gt;Rhenish Gazette&lt;/i&gt;; then we'd&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She interrupted herself. She had taken up the paper as she spoke, and let her eye run contemptuously down the columns. But her glance was arrested by a short notice of four or five lines, which she read through, clutching her eye-glasses, her mouth slowly opening. Then she uttered two shrieks, with the palms of her hands pressed against her cheeks, and her elbows held out straight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, impossible&#8212;impossible! Imagine your not seeing that at all. It is frightful! Oh, &lt;i&gt;poor&lt;/i&gt; Armgard! It had to come to her like that!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gerda had lifted her head from her work, and Thomas, startled, looked at his sister. Much upset, Frau Permaneder read the notice aloud, in a guttural, portentous tone. It came from Rostock, and it said that, the night before, Herr Ralf von Maiboom, owner of the P&#246;ppenrade estate, had committed suicide by shooting himself with a revolver, in the study of the manor-house. &#8220;Pecuniary difficulties seem to have been the cause of the act. Herr von Maiboom leaves a wife and three children.&#8221; She finished and let the paper fall in her lap, then leaned back and looked at her brother and sister with wide, piteous eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook had turned away while he listened, and looked past his sister between the porti&#232;res, into the dark salon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;With a revolver?&#8221; he asked, after silence had reigned some two minutes. And then, after another pause, he said in a low voice, slowly and mockingly: &#8220;That is the nobility for you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then he fell again to musing, and the rapidity with which he drew the ends of his moustaches through his fingers was in remarkable contrast to the vacant fixity of his gaze. He did not listen to the lamentations of his sister, or to her speculations on what poor Armgard would do now. Nor did he notice that Gerda, without turning her head in his direction, was fixing him with a searching and steady gaze from her close-set, blue-shadowed eyes.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Thomas Buddenbrook did not contemplate the future of little Johann with the weary dejection which was now his settled mood when he thought about his own life and his own end. The family feeling which led him to cherish the past history of his house extended itself even more strongly into its future; and he was influenced, too, by the loving and expectant curiosity concentrated upon his son by his family and his friends and acquaintances, even by the Buddenbrook ladies in Broad Street. He said to himself that, however hopeless and thwarted he himself felt, he was still, wherever his son was concerned, capable of inexhaustible streams of energy, endurance, achievement, success&#8212;yes, that at this one spot his chilled and artificial life could still be warmed into a genuine and glowing warmth of hopes and fears and affections.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Perhaps, some day, it would be granted to him to look back upon his past from a quiet corner and watch the renascence of the old time, the time of Hanno's great-grandfather! Was such a hope, after all, entirely vain? He had felt that the music was his enemy; but it had almost begun to look as if it had no such important bearing upon the situation. Granted that the child's fondness for improvising, without notes, was evidence of a not quite common gift; in the systematic lessons with Herr Pf&#252;hl he had not showed by any means extraordinary progress. The preoccupation with music was no doubt due to his mother's influence; and it was not surprising that during his early years this influence had been preponderant. But the time was close at hand when it would be the father's turn to influence his son, to draw him over to his side, to neutralize the feminine influence by introducing a masculine one in its place. And the Senator determined not to let any such opportunities pass without improving them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno was now eleven years old. The preceding Easter, he had, by the skin of his teeth and by dint of two extra examinations in mathematics and geography, been passed into the fourth form&#8212;as had likewise his young friend Count M&#246;lln. It had been settled that he should attend the mercantile side of the school&#8212;for it went without saying that he would be a merchant and take over the family business. When his father asked him if he felt any inclination toward his future career, he answered yes&#8212;a simple, unadorned, embarrassed &#8220;yes,&#8221; which the Senator tried to make a little more convincing by asking leading questions, but mostly without success.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If the Senator had had two sons, he would assuredly have allowed the second to go through the gymnasium and study. But the firm demanded a successor. And, besides, he was convinced he was doing the boy a kindness in relieving him of the unnecessary Greek. He was of opinion that the mercantile course was the easier to master, and that Hanno would therefore come through with greater credit and less strain if he took it, considering his defects&#8212;his slowness of comprehension, his absent, dreaming ways, and his physical delicacy, which often obliged him to be absent from school. If little Johann Buddenbrook were to achieve the position in life to which he was called, they must be mindful before everything else, by care and cherishing on the one hand, by sensible toughening on the other, to strengthen his far from robust constitution.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno had grown sturdier in the past year; but, despite his blue sailor suit, he still looked a little strange in the playground of the school, by contrast with the blond Scandinavian type that predominated there. He now wore his brown hair parted on the side and brushed away from his white forehead. But it still inclined to fall in soft ringlets over the temples; and his eyes were as golden-brown as ever, and as veiled with their brown lashes. His legs, in long black stockings, and his arms, in the loose quilted blue sleeves of his suit, were small and soft like a girl's, and he had, like his mother, the blue shadows under his eyes. And still, in those eyes, especially when they gave a side glance, as they often did, there was that timid and defensive look; while the mouth closed with the old, woebegone expression which he had had even as a baby, or went slightly crooked when he explored the recesses of his mouth for a defective tooth. And there would come upon his face when he did this a look as if he were cold.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dr. Langhals had now entirely taken over Dr. Grabow's practice and had become the Buddenbrook family physician. From him they learned the reason why the child's skin was so pale and his strength so inadequate. It seemed that Hanno's organism did not produce red corpuscles in sufficient number. But there was a remedy for this defect: cod-liver oil, which, accordingly, Dr. Langhals prescribed in great quantities: good, thick, greasy, yellow cod-liver oil, to be taken from a porcelain spoon twice a day. The Senator gave the order, and Ida Jungmann, with stern affection, saw it carried out. In the beginning, to be sure, Hanno threw up after each spoonful. His stomach seemed to have a prejudice against the good cod-liver oil. But he got used to it in the end&#8212;and if you held your breath and chewed a piece of rye bread immediately after, the nausea was not so severe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His other troubles were all consequent upon this lack of red corpuscles, it appeared: secondary phenomena, Dr. Langhals called them, looking at his fingernails. But it was necessary to attack these other enemies ruthlessly. As for the teeth, for these Herr Brecht and his Josephus lived in Mill Street: to take care of them, to fill them; when necessary, to extract them. And for the digestion there was castor-oil, thick, clear castor-oil that slipped down your throat like a lizard, after which you smelled and tasted it for three days, sleeping and waking. Oh, why were all these remedies of such surpassing nastiness? One single time&#8212;Hanno had been rather ill, and his heart action had shown unusual irregularity&#8212;Dr. Langhals had with some misgiving prescribed a remedy which little Hanno had actually enjoyed, and which had done him a world of good. These were arsenic pills. But however much he asked to have the dose repeated&#8212;for he felt almost a yearning for these sweet, soothing little pills&#8212;Dr. Langhals never prescribed them again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Castor-oil and cod-liver oil were excellent things. But Dr. Langhals was quite at one with the Senator in the view that they could not of themselves make a sound and sturdy citizen of little Johann if he did not do his part. There was gymnasium drill once a week in the summer, out on the Castle Field, where the youth of the city were given the opportunity to develop their strength and courage, their skill and presence of mind, under the guidance of Herr Fritsche, the drill-master. But to his father's annoyance, Hanno showed a distinct distaste for the manly sports&#8212;a silent, pronounced, almost haughty opposition. Why was it that he cared so little for playmates of his own class and age, with whom he would have to live, and was for ever sticking about with this little unwashed Kai, who was a good child, of course, but not precisely a proper friend for the future? Somehow or other a boy must know from the beginning how to gain the confidence and respect of his comrades, upon whose good opinion of him he will be dependent for the rest of his life! There were, on the other hand, the two sons of Consul Hagenstr&#246;m, two fine strapping boys, twelve and fourteen years old, strong and full of spirits, who instituted prize-fights in the neighbouring woods, were the best gymnasts in the school, swam like otters, smoked cigars, and were ready for any deviltry. They were popular, feared, and respected. Their cousins, the two sons of Dr. Moritz Hagenstr&#246;m, the State Attorney, were of a more delicate build, and gentler ways. They distinguished themselves in scholarship, and were model pupils: zealous, industrious, quiet, attentive, devoured by the ambition to bring home a report card marked &#8220;Number 1.&#8221; They achieved their ambition, and were respected by their stupider and lazier colleagues. But&#8212;not to speak of his masters&#8212;what must his fellow-pupils think of Hanno, who was not only a very mediocre scholar, but a weakling into the bargain; who tried to get out of everything for which a scrap of courage, strength, skill, and energy were needed? When Senator Buddenbrook passed the little balcony on his way to his dressing-room, he would hear from Hanno's room, which was the middle one of the three on that floor since he had grown too large to sleep with Ida Jungmann, the notes of the harmonium, or the hushed and mysterious voice of Kai, Count M&#246;lln telling a story.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kai avoided the drill classes, because he detested the discipline which had to be observed there. &#8220;No, Hanno,&#8221; he said, &#8220;I'm not going. Are you? Deuce take it! Anything that would be any fun is forbidden.&#8221; Expressions like &#8220;deuce take it&#8221; he got from his father. Hanno answered: &#8220;If Herr Fritsche ever one single day smelled of anything but beer and sweat, I might consider it. Don't talk about it, Kai. Go on. Tell that one about the ring you got out of the bog&#8212;you didn't finish it.&#8221; &#8220;Very good,&#8221; said Kai. &#8220;But when I nod, then you must play.&#8221; And he went on with his story.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If he was to be believed, he had once, on a warm evening, in a strange, unrecognizable region, slid down a slippery, immeasurable cliff, at the foot of which, by the flickering, livid light from will-o'-the-wisps, he saw a black marsh, from which silvery bubbles mounted with a hollow gurgling sound. One of these bubbles, which kept coming up near the bank, took the form of a ring when it burst; and he had succeeded in seizing it, after long and dangerous efforts&#8212;after which it burst no more, but remained in his grasp, a firm and solid ring, which he put on his finger. He rightly ascribed unusual powers to this ring; for by its help he climbed up the slippery cliff and saw, a little way off in the rosy mist, a black castle. It was guarded to the teeth, but he had forced an entrance, always by the help of the ring, and performed miracles of rescue and deliverance. All this Hanno accompanied with sweet chords on his harmonium. Sometimes, if the difficulties were not too great, these stories were acted in the marionette theatre, to musical accompaniment. But Hanno attended the drill class only on his father's express command&#8212;and then Kai went too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was the same with the skating in the wintertime, and with the bathing in summer at the wooden bathing establishment of Herr Asmussen, down on the river. &#8220;Bathing and swimming&#8212;let the boy have bathing and swimming&#8212;he must bathe and swim,&#8221; Dr. Langhals had said. And the Senator was entirely of the same opinion. But Hanno had a reason for absenting himself from the bathing, as well as from the skating and the drill class. The two sons of Consul Hagenstr&#246;m, who took part in all such exercises with great skill and credit, singled Hanno out at once. And though they lived in his own grandmother's house, that fact did not prevent them from making his life miserable. They lost no opportunity of tormenting him. At drill they pinched him and derided him. They rolled him in the dirty snow at the ice-rink; and in the water they came up to him with horrid noises. Hanno did not try to escape. It would have been useless anyhow. He stood, with his girlish arms, up to his middle in the turbid water of the pool, which had large patches of duck-weed growing on it, and awaited his tormentors with a scowl&#8212;a dark look and twisted lips. They, sure of their prey, came on with long splashing strides. They had muscular arms, these two young Hagenstr&#246;ms, and they clutched him round his body and ducked him&#8212;ducked him a good long time, so that he swallowed rather a lot of the dirty water and gasped for breath a long time after. One single time he was a little avenged. One afternoon the two Hagenstr&#246;ms were holding him down under the water, when one of them suddenly gave a shriek of pain and fury and lifted his plump leg, from which drops of blood were oozing. Beside him rose the head of Kai, Count M&#246;lln, who had somehow got hold of the price of admission, swum up invisible in the water, and bitten young Hagenstr&#246;m&#8212;bitten with all his teeth into his leg, like a furious little dog. His blue eyes flashed through the red-blond hair that hung down wet all over his face. He paid richly for the deed, did the little Count, and left the swimming-pool much the worse for the encounter. But Consul Hagenstr&#246;m's son limped perceptibly when he went home.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nourishing remedies and physical exercise were the basis of the treatment calculated to turn Senator Buddenbrook's son into a strong and healthy lad. But no less painstakingly did the Senator strive to influence his mind and give him lively impressions of the practical world in which he was to live.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He began gradually to introduce him into the sphere of his future activities. He took him on business expeditions down to the harbour and let him stand by on the quay while he spoke to the dockers in a mixture of Danish and dialect or gave orders to the men who with hollow, long-drawn cries were hauling up the sacks to the granary floor. He took him into dark little warehouse offices to confer with superintendents. All this life of the harbours, ships, sheds, and granaries, where it smelled of butter, fish, sea-water, tar, and greasy iron, had been to Thomas Buddenbrook from childhood up the most fascinating thing on earth. But his son gave no spontaneous expression of his own enchantment with the sight; and so the father was fain to arouse it in him. &#8220;What are the names of the boats that ply to Copenhagen? The &lt;i&gt;Naiad&lt;/i&gt;, the &lt;i&gt;Halmstadt&lt;/i&gt;, the &lt;i&gt;Friederike &#214;verdieck&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;why, if you know those, my son, at least that's something! You'll soon learn the others. Some of those people over there hauling up the grain have the same name as you&#8212;they were named after your grandfather, as you were. And their children are often named after me&#8212;or Mamma. We give them little presents every year.&#8212;Now this next granary&#8212;we don't stop at it; we go past and don't talk to the men; it is a rival business.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Should you like to come, Hanno?&#8221; he said another time. &#8220;There is a ship of our line being launched to-day, and I shall christen it. Do you want to go?&#8221; And Hanno signified that he wanted to go. He went with his father, listened to his speech, and saw him break a bottle of champagne on the prow of the ship; saw how she glided down the ways, which had been smeared with green soap, and into the water.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On certain days of the year, as New Year's and Palm Sunday, when there were confirmations, Senator Buddenbrook drove out on a round of visits to particular houses in which he had social relations. His wife did not like these visits, and excused herself on the ground of headache and nervousness, so Hanno would be asked to go along in her place; and here, too, he signified his desire to go. He climbed into the carriage beside his father, and sat silent by his side in the reception-rooms, watching his easy, tactful, assured, and carefully graduated manner toward their hosts. He heard District Commander Colonel Herr von Rinnlingen tell his father how greatly he appreciated the honour of his visit, and saw how his father, in reply, put on an air of amiable depreciation and laid his arm an instant across the Colonel's shoulders. In another place the same remark was made, and he received it with quiet seriousness, and in a third with an ironically exaggerated compliment in return. All this with a floridity of speech and gesture which he obviously liked to produce for the admiration of his son, and from which he promised himself the most edifying results.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the little boy saw more than he should have seen; the shy, gold-brown, blue-shadowy eyes observed too well. He saw not only the unerring charm which his father exercised upon everybody: he saw as well, with strange and anguished penetration, how cruelly hard it was upon him. He saw how his father, paler and more silent after each visit, would lean back in his corner of the carriage with closed eyes and reddened eyelids; he realized with a sort of horror that on the threshold of the next house a mask would glide over his face, a galvanized activity take hold of the weary frame. Thus the visits, the social intercourse with one's kind, instead of giving little Johann, quite simply, the idea that one has practical interests in common with one's fellow men, which one looks after oneself, expecting others to do the same, appeared to him like an end in themselves; instead of straightforward and single-minded participation in the common business, he saw his father perform an artificial and complicated part, by dint of a fearful effort and an exaggerated, consuming virtuosity. And when he thought that some day he should be expected to perform the same part, under the gaze of the whole community, Hanno shut his eyes and shivered with rebellion and disgust.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ah, that was not the effect Thomas Buddenbrook looked for from the influence of his own personality upon his son's! What he had hoped to do was to stimulate self-confidence in the boy, and a sense of the practical side of life. This was what he had in mind&#8212;and nothing else.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You seem to enjoy good living, my boy,&#8221; said he, when Hanno asked for a second portion of the sweet or a half-cup of coffee after dinner. &#8220;Well, then, you must become a merchant and earn a lot of money. Should you like to do that?&#8221; Little Johann said he would.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sometimes when the family were invited to dinner, Aunt Antonie or Uncle Christian would begin to tease Aunt Clothilde and imitate her meek, drawling accents. Then little Johann, stimulated by the heavy red wine which they gave him, would ape his elders and make some remarks to Aunt Clothilde in the same vein. And then how Thomas Buddenbrook would laugh! He would give a loud, hearty, jovial roar, like a man put in high spirits by some unexpected piece of good luck, and join in on his son's side against poor Aunt Clothilde, though for his own part he had long since given up these witticisms at the expense of his poor relative. It was so easy, so safe, to tease poor, limited, modest, lean and hungry Clothilde, that, harmless though it was, he felt it rather beneath him. But he wished he did not, for it was the same story over again: too many considerations, too many scruples. Why must he be for ever opposing these scruples against the hard, practical affairs of life? Why could he never learn that it was possible to grasp a situation, to see around it, as it were, and still to turn it to one's own advantage without any feeling of shame? For precisely this, he said to himself, is the essence of a capacity for practical life!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And thus, how happy, how delighted, how hopeful he felt whenever he saw even the least small sign in little Johann of a capacity for practical life!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The extended summer trip which had once been customary with the Buddenbrooks had now been given up for some years. Indeed, when the Frau Senator, in the previous spring, had wished to make her old father in Amsterdam a visit and play a few duets with him, the Senator had given his consent rather curtly. But it had become the rule for Gerda, little Johann, and Fr&#228;ulein Jungmann to spend the holidays at the Kurhouse, in Travem&#252;nde, for the sake of Hanno's health.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Summer holidays at the seashore! Did anybody really understand the joy of that? After the dragging monotony and worry of the endless school terms came four weeks of peaceful, care-free seclusion, full of the good smell of seaweed and the whispering of the gentle surf. Four weeks! At the beginning it seemed endless; you could not believe that it would end; it was almost indelicate to suggest such a thing! Little Johann could not comprehend the crudity of a master who could say: &#8220;After the holidays we shall take up our work at&#8212;&#8221; this or that point! After the holidays! He appeared to be already rejoicing in the thought, this strange man in the shiny worsted suit! After the holidays! What a thought! And how far, far off in the grey distance lay everything that was on the other side of the holidays, on the other side of those four weeks!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The inspection of the school report, with its record of examinations well or badly got through, would be at last over, and the journey in the overcrowded carriage. Hanno would wake the first morning in his room at the Kurhouse, in one of the Swiss cottages that were united by a small gallery to the main building and the pastry-shop. He would have a vague feeling of happiness that mounted in his brain and made his heart contract. He would open his eyes and look with eager pleasure at the old-fashioned furniture of the cleanly little room. A moment of dazed and sleepy bliss: then he would be conscious that he was in Travem&#252;nde&#8212;for four immeasurable weeks in Travem&#252;nde. He did not stir. He lay on his back in the narrow yellow wooden bed, the linen of which was extremely thin and soft with age. He even shut his eyes again and felt his chest rising in deep, slow breaths of happy anticipation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The room lay in yellow daylight that came in through the striped blind. Everything was still&#8212;Mamma and Ida Jungmann were asleep. Nothing was to be heard but a measured, peaceful sound which meant that the boy was raking the gravelled paths of the Kurgarden below, and the buzzing of a fly that had got between the blind and the window and was storming the pane&#8212;you could see his shadow shooting about in long zigzag lines. Peace! Only the sound of the rake and the dull buzzing noise. This gently animated quiet filled little Johann with a priceless sensation: the feeling of quiet, well-cared-for, elegant repose which was the atmosphere of the resort, and which he loved better than anything else. Thank God, none of the shiny worsted-coats who were the chosen representatives of grammar and the rule of three on this earth was in the least likely to come here&#8212;for here it was rather exclusive and expensive.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
An access of joy made him spring up and run barefoot to the window. He put up the blind and unfastened the white-painted hook of the window; and as he opened it the fly escaped and flew away over the flower-beds and the gravelled paths. The music pavilion, standing in a half-circle of beech-trees opposite the main building, was still empty and quiet. The Leuchtenfield, which took its name from the lighthouse that stood on it, somewhere off to the right, stretched its extent of short sparse grass under the pale sky, to a point where the grass passed into a growth of tall, coarse water-plants; and then came the sand, with its rows of little wooden huts and tall wicker beach-chairs looking out to the sea. It lay there, the sea, in peaceful morning light, striped blue and green; and a steamer came in from Copenhagen, between the two red buoys that marked its course, and one did not need to know whether it was the &lt;i&gt;Naiad&lt;/i&gt; or the &lt;i&gt;Friederike &#214;verdieck&lt;/i&gt;. Hanno Buddenbrook drew in a deep, quiet, blissful breath of the spicy air from the sea and greeted her tenderly, with a loving, speechless, grateful look.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then the day began, the first of those paltry twenty-eight days, which seemed in the beginning like an eternity of bliss, and which flew by with such desperate haste after the first two or three. They breakfasted on the balcony or under the great chestnut tree near the children's playground, where the swing hung. Everything&#8212;the smell of the freshly washed table-cloth when the waiter shook it out, the tissue paper serviettes, the unaccustomed bread, the eggs they ate out of little metal cups, with ordinary spoons instead of bone ones like those at home&#8212;all this, and everything, enchanted little Johann.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And all that followed was so easy and care-free&#8212;such a wonderfully idle and protected life. There was the forenoon on the beach, while the Kurhouse band gave its morning programme; the lying and resting at the foot of the beach-chair, the delicious, dreamy play with the soft sand that did not make you dirty, while you let your eyes rove idly and lose themselves in the green and blue infinity beyond. There was the air that swept in from that infinity&#8212;strong, free, wild, gently sighing and deliciously scented; it seemed to enfold you round, to veil your hearing and make you pleasantly giddy, and blessedly submerge all consciousness of time and space. And the bathing here was a different affair altogether from that in Herr Asmussen's establishment. There was no duck-weed here, and the light green water foamed away in crystalline clearness when you stirred it up. Instead of a slimy wooden floor there was soft sand to caress the foot&#8212;and Consul Hagenstr&#246;m's sons were far away, in Norway or the Tyrol. The Consul loved to make an extended journey in the holidays, and&#8212;why shouldn't he?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A walk followed, to warm oneself up, along the beach to Sea-gull Rock or Ocean Temple, a little lunch by the beach-chair; then the time came to go up to one's room for an hour's rest, before making a toilette for the table-d'h&#244;te. The table-d'h&#244;te was very gay, for this was a good season at the baths, and the great dining-room was filled with acquaintances of the Buddenbrooks, Hamburg families, and even some Russians and English people. A black-clad gentleman sat at a tiny table and served the soup out of a silver tureen. There were four courses, and the food tasted nicer and more seasoned than that at home, and many people drank champagne. These were the single gentlemen who did not allow their business to keep them chained in town all the week, and who got up some little games of roulette after dinner: Consul Peter D&#246;hlmann, who had left his daughter at home, and told such extremely funny stories that the ladies from Hamburg laughed till their sides ached and they begged him for mercy; Senator Dr. Cremer, the old Superintendent of Police; Uncle Christian, and his friend Dr. Gieseke, who was also without his family, and paid everything for Uncle Christian. After dinner, the grown-ups drank coffee under the awnings of the pastry-shop, and the band played, and Hanno sat on a chair close to the steps of the pavilion and listened unwearied. He was settled for the afternoon. There was a shooting-gallery in the Kurgarden, and at the right of the Swiss cottage were the stables, with horses and donkeys, and the cows whose foaming, fragrant milk one drank warm every evening. One could go walking in the little town or along the front; one could go out to the Prival in a boat and look for amber on the beach, or play croquet in the children's playground, or listen to Ida Jungmann reading aloud, sitting on a bench on the wooded hillside where hung the great bell for the table-d'h&#244;te. But best of all was it to go back to the beach and sit in the twilight on the end of the breakwater, with your face turned to the open horizon. Great ships passed by, and you signalled them with your handkerchief; and you listened to the little waves slapping softly against the stones; and the whole space about you was filled with a soft and mighty sighing. It spoke so benignly to little Johann! it bade him close his eyes, it told him that all was well. But just then Ida would say, &#8220;Come, little Hanno. It's supper-time. We must go. If you were to sit here and go to sleep, you'd die.&#8221; How calm his heart felt, how evenly it beat, after a visit to the sea! Then he had his supper in his room&#8212;for his mother ate later, down in the glass verandah&#8212;and drank milk or malt extract, and lay down in his little bed, between the soft old linen sheets, and almost at once sleep overcame him, and he slept, to the subdued rhythm of the evening concert and the regular pulsations of his quiet heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On Sunday the Senator appeared, with the other gentlemen who had stopped in town during the week, and remained until Monday morning. Ices and champagne were served at the table-d'h&#244;te, and there were donkey-rides and sailing-parties out to the open sea. Still, little Johann did not care much for these Sundays. The peaceful isolation of the bathing-place was broken in upon. A crowd of townsfolk&#8212;good middle-class trippers, Ida Jungmann called them&#8212;populated the Kurgarden and crowded the beach, drank coffee and listened to the music. Hanno would have liked to stay in his room until these kill-joys in their Sunday clothes went away again. No, he was glad when everything returned to its regular course on Monday&#8212;and he felt relieved to feel his father's eyes no more upon him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Two weeks had passed; and Hanno said to himself, and to every one who would listen to him, that there was still as much time left as the whole of the Michaelmas holidays amounted to. It consoled him to say this, but after all it was a specious consolation, for the crest of the holidays had been reached, and from now on they were going downhill&#8212;so quickly, so frightfully quickly, that he would have liked to cling to every moment, not to let it escape; to lengthen every breath he drew of the sea air; to taste every second of his joy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the time went on, relentless: in rain and sun, sea-wind and land-wind, long spells of brooding warmth and endless noisy storms that could not get away out to sea and went on for ever so long. There were days on which the north-east wind filled the bay with dark green floods, covered the beach with seaweed, mussels, and jelly-fish, and threatened the bathing-huts. The turbid, heavy sea was covered far and wide with foam. The mighty waves came on in awful, awe-inspiring calm, and the under side of each was a sharp metallic green; then they crashed with an ear-splitting roar, hissing and thundering along the sand. There were other days when the west wind drove back the sea for a long distance, exposing a gently rolling beach and naked sand-banks everywhere, while the rain came down in torrents. Heaven, earth, and sea flowed into each other, and the driving wind carried the rain against the panes so that not drops but rivers flowed down, and made them impossible to see through. Then Hanno stayed in the salon of the Kurhouse and played on the little piano that was used to play waltzes and schottisches for the balls and was not so good for improvising on as the piano at home: still one could sometimes get amusing effects out of its muffled and clacking keys. And there were still other days, dreamy, blue, windless, broodingly warm, when the blue flies buzzed in the sun above the Leuchtenfield, and the sea lay silent and like a mirror, without stir or breath. When there were only three days left Hanno said to himself, and to everybody else, that the time remaining was just as long as a Whitsuntide holiday; but, incontestable as this reckoning was, it did not convince even himself. He knew now that the man in the worsted coat was right, and that they would, in very truth, begin again where they had left off, and go on to this and that.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The laden carriage stood before the door. The day had come. Early in the morning Hanno had said good-bye to sea and strand. Now he said it to the waiters as they received their fees, to the music pavilion, the rose-beds, and the whole long summer as well. And amid the bows of the hotel servants the carriage drove off.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They passed the avenue that led to the little town, and rolled along the front. Ida Jungmann sat, white-haired, bright-eyed, and angular, opposite Hanno on the back seat, and he squeezed his head into the corner and looked past her out of the window. The morning sky was overcast; the Trave was full of little waves that hurried before the wind. Now and then rain-drops spattered the pane. At the farther end of the front, people sat before their house doors and mended nets; barefoot children ran past, and stared inquisitively at the occupants of the carriage. &lt;i&gt;They&lt;/i&gt; did not need to go away!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As they left the last houses behind, Hanno bent forward once more to look after the lighthouse; then he leaned back and closed his eyes. &#8220;We'll come back again next year, darling,&#8221; Ida Jungmann said in her grave, soothing voice. It needed only that to make Hanno's chin tremble and the tears run down beneath his long dark lashes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His face and hands were brown from the sea air. But if his stay at the baths had been intended to harden him, to give him more resistance, more energy, more endurance, then it had failed of its purpose; and Hanno himself was aware of this lamentable fact. These four weeks of sheltered peace and adoration of the sea had not hardened him: they had made him softer than ever, more dreamy and more sensitive. He would be no better able to endure the rigours of Herr Tietge's class. The thought of the rules and history dates which he had to get by heart had not lost its power to make him shudder; he knew the feeling too well, and how he would fling them away in desperation and go to bed, and suffer next day the torments of the unprepared. And he would be exactly as much afraid of catastrophes at the recitation hour, of his enemies the Hagenstr&#246;ms, and of his father's injunctions not to be faint-hearted whatever else he was.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But he felt cheered a little by the fresh morning drive through flooded country roads, amid the twitterings of birds. He thought of seeing Kai again, and Herr Pf&#252;hl; of his music lessons, the piano and his harmonium. And as the morrow was Sunday, a whole day still intervened between him and the first lesson-hour. He could feel a few grains of sand from the beach, still inside his buttoned boot&#8212;how lovely! He would ask old Grobleben to leave them there. Let it all begin again&#8212;the worsted-coats, the Hagenstr&#246;ms, and the rest. He had what he had. When the waves of tribulation went over him once more he would think of the sea and of the Kurgarden, and of the sound made by the little waves, coming hither out of the mysterious slumbering distance. One single memory of the sound they made as they plashed against the breakwater could make him oppose an invincible front to all the pains and penalties of his life.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then came the ferry, and Israelsdorfer Avenue, Jerusalem Hill, and the Castle Field, on the right side of which rose the walls of the prison where Uncle Weinschenk was. Then the carriage rolled along Castle Street and over the Koberg, crossed Broad Street, and braked down the steep decline of Fishers' Lane. There was the red house-front with the bow-window and the white caryatides; and as they went from the midday warmth of the street into the coolness of the stone-flagged entry the Senator, with his pen in his hand, came out of the office to greet them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Slowly, slowly, with secret tears, little Johann learned to live without the sea; to lead an existence that was frightened and bored by turns; to keep out of the way of the Hagenstr&#246;ms; to console himself with Kai and Herr Pf&#252;hl and his music.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Broad Street Buddenbrooks and Aunt Clothilde, directly they saw him again, asked him how he liked school after the holidays. They asked it teasingly, with that curiously superior and slighting air which grown people assume toward children, as if none of their affairs could possibly be worthy of serious consideration; but Hanno was proof against their questions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Three or four days after the home-coming, Dr. Langhals, the family physician, appeared in Fishers' Lane to observe the results of the cure. He had a long consultation with the Frau Senator, and then Hanno was summoned and put, half undressed, through a long examination of his &#8220;status praesens,&#8221; as Dr. Langhals called it, looking at his fingernails. He tested Hanno's heart action and measured his chest and his lamentable muscular development. He inquired particularly after all his functions, and lastly, with a hypodermic syringe, took a drop of blood from Hanno's slender arm to be tested at home. He seemed, in general, not very well satisfied.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We've got rather brown,&#8221; he said, putting his arm around Hanno as he stood before him. He arranged his small black-felled hand upon the boy's shoulder, and looked up at the Frau Senator and Ida Jungmann. &#8220;But we still look very down in the mouth.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is homesick for the sea,&#8221; said Gerda Buddenbrook.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, so you like being there?&#8221; asked Dr. Langhals, looking with his shallow eyes into Hanno's face. Hanno coloured. What did Dr. Langhals mean by his question, to which he plainly expected an answer? A fantastic hope rose up in him, inspired by the belief that nothing was impossible to God&#8212;despite all the worsted-coated men there were in the world.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; he brought out, with his wide eyes full upon Dr. Langhals' face. But after all, it seemed, the physician had nothing particular in mind when he asked the question.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, the effect of the bathing and the good air is bound to show itself in time,&#8221; Dr. Langhals said. He tapped little Johann on the shoulder and then put him away, with a nod toward the Frau Senator and Ida Jungmann&#8212;a superior, benevolent nod, the nod of the omniscient physician, used to have people hanging on his lips. He got up, and the consultation was at an end.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was Aunt Antonie who best understood his yearning for the sea, and the wound in his heart that healed so slowly and was so likely to bleed afresh under the strain of everyday life. Aunt Antonie loved to hear him talk about Travem&#252;nde, and entered freely into his longings and enthusiasm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Hanno,&#8221; she said, &#8220;the truth is the truth, and Travem&#252;nde is and always will be a beautiful spot. Till I go down to my grave I shall remember the weeks I spent there when I was a slip of a girl&#8212;and such a silly young girl! I lived with people I was fond of, and who seemed to care for me; I was a pretty young thing in those days,&#8212;though I'm an old woman now&#8212;and full of life and high spirits. They were splendid people, I can tell you, respectable and kind-hearted and straight-thinking; and they were cleverer and better educated, too, than any I've known since, and they had more enthusiasm. Yes, my life seemed very full when I lived with them, and I learned a great deal which I've never forgotten&#8212;information, beliefs, opinions, ways of looking at things. If other things hadn't interfered&#8212;as all sorts of things did, the way life does, you know&#8212;I might have learned a great deal more from them. Shall I tell you how silly I was in those days? I thought I could get the pretty star out of the jelly-fish, and I carried a quantity home with me and spread them in the sun on the balcony to dry. But when I looked at them again, of course there was nothing but a big wet spot, and a smell of rotten seaweed.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In the beginning of the year 1873 the Senate pardoned Hugo Weinschenk, and the former Director left prison, six months before his time was up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder, if she had told the truth, would have admitted that she was not so very glad. She had been living peacefully with her daughter and granddaughter in Linden Place, and had for society the house in Fishers' Lane and her friend Armgard von Maiboom, who had lived in the town since her husband's death. Frau Antonie had long been aware that there was no place for her outside the walls of her native city. She had her Munich memories, her weak digestion, and an increasing need of quiet and repose; and she felt not the least inclination to move to a large city of the united Fatherland, still less to migrate to another country.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear child,&#8221; she said to her daughter, &#8220;I must ask you something very serious. Do you still love your husband with your whole heart? Would you follow him with your child wherever he went in the wide world&#8212;as, unfortunately, it is not possible for him to remain here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Frau Erica Weinschenk, amid tears that might have meant anything at all, replied just as dutifully as Tony herself, in similar circumstances, had once replied to the same question, in the villa outside Hamburg. So it was necessary to contemplate a parting in the near future.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On a day almost as dreadful as the day when he had been arrested, Frau Permaneder brought her son-in-law from the prison, in a closed carriage, to her house in Linden Place. And there he stayed, after he had greeted his wife and child in a dazed, helpless way, in the room that had been prepared for him, smoking from early to late, without going out, without even taking his meals with his family&#8212;a broken grey-haired man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had always had a very strong constitution, and the prison life could hardly have impaired his physical health. But his condition was, none the less, pitiable in the extreme. This man had in all probability done no more than his business colleagues did every day and thought nothing of; if he had not been caught, he would have gone on his way with head erect and conscience clear. Yet it was dreadful to see how his ruin as a citizen, the judicial correction, and the three years' imprisonment, had operated to break down his morale. His testimony before the court had been given with the most sincere conviction; and people who understood the technicalities of the case supported his contention that he had merely executed a bold man&#339;uvre for the credit of his firm and himself&#8212;a man&#339;uvre known in the business world as usance. The lawyers who had convicted him knew, in his opinion, nothing whatever about such things and lived in quite a different world. But their conviction, endorsed by the governing power of the state, had shattered his self-esteem to such a degree that he could not look anybody in the face. Gone was his elastic tread, the way he had of wriggling at the waist of his frock-coat and balancing with his fists and rolling his eyes about. Gone was the ignorant self-assurance with which he had delivered his uninformed opinions and put his questions. The change was such that his family shuddered at it&#8212;and indeed it was frightful to see such cowardice, dejection, and lack of self-respect.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Hugo Weinschenk spent eight or ten days doing nothing but smoking: then he began to read the papers and write letters. The consequence of the letters was that after another eight or ten days he explained vaguely that there seemed to be a position for him in London, whither he wished to travel alone to arrange matters personally, and then to send for wife and child.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Accompanied by Erica, he drove to the station in a closed carriage and departed without having once seen any other members of the family.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Some days later a letter addressed to his wife arrived from Hamburg. It said that he had made up his mind not to send for his wife and child, or even to communicate with them, until such time as he could offer them a life fitting for them to live. And this letter was the very last sign of life from Hugo Weinschenk. No one from then henceforward heard anything from him. The experienced Frau Permaneder made several energetic attempts to get into touch with him, in order, as she importantly explained, to get evidence upon which to sue him for divorce on the ground of wilful desertion. But he was, and remained, missing. And thus it came about that Erica Weinschenk and her small daughter Elisabeth remained now, as before, with Erica's mother, in the light and airy apartment in Linden Place.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The marriage of which little Johann had been the issue had never lost charm in the town as a subject for conversation. Since both of the parties to it were still felt to have something queer about them, the union itself must partake of that character of the strange and uncanny which they each possessed. To get behind it even a little, to look beneath the scanty outward facts to the bottom of this relation, seemed a difficult, but certainly a stimulating task. And in bedrooms and sitting-rooms, in clubs and casinos, yes, even on 'Change itself, people still talked about Gerda and Thomas Buddenbrook.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
How had these two come to marry, and what sort of relationship was theirs? Everybody remembered the sudden resolve of Thomas Buddenbrook eighteen years ago, when he was thirty years old. &#8220;This one or no one,&#8221; he had said. It must have been something of the same sort with Gerda, for it was well known that she had refused everybody up to her twenty-seventh year, and then forthwith lent an ear to this particular wooer. It must have been a love match, people said: they granted that the three hundred thousand thaler had probably not played much of a r&#244;le. But of that which any ordinary person would call love, there was very little to be seen between the pair. They had displayed from the very beginning a correct, respectful politeness, quite extraordinary between husband and wife. And what was still more odd it seemed not to proceed out of any inner estrangement, but out of a peculiar, silent, deep mutual knowledge. This had not at all altered with the years. The one change due to the passage of time was an outward one. It was only this: that the difference in years began to make itself plainly visible.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When you saw them together you felt that here was a rapidly aging man, already a little heavy, with his young wife at his side. Thomas Buddenbrook was going off very much, and this despite the now almost laughable vanity by which he kept himself up. On the other hand, Gerda had scarcely altered in these eighteen years. She seemed to be, as it were, conserved in the nervous coldness which was the essence of her being. Her lovely dark-red hair had kept its colour, the white skin its smooth texture, the figure its lofty aristocratic slimness. In the corners of her rather too small and close-set brown eyes were the same blue shadows. You could not trust those eyes. Their look was strange, and what was written in it impossible to decipher. This woman's personality was so cool, so reserved, so repressed, so distant, she showed so little human warmth for anything but her music&#8212;how could one help feeling a vague mistrust? People unearthed wise old saws on the subject of human nature and applied them to Senator Buddenbrook's wife. Still waters were known to run deep. Some people were slyer than foxes. And as they searched for an explanation, their limited imaginations soon led them to the theory that the lovely Gerda was deceiving her aging husband.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They watched, and before long they felt sure that Gerda's conduct, to put it mildly, passed the bounds of propriety in her relations with Herr Lieutenant von Throta.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ren&#233;e Maria von Throta came from the Rhineland. He was second lieutenant of one of the infantry battalions quartered in the town. The red collar went well with his black hair, which he wore parted on the side and combed back in a high, thick curling crest from his white forehead. He looked big and strong enough, but was most unmilitary in speech and manner. He had a way of running one hand in between the buttons of his half-open undress coat and of sitting with his head supported on the back of his hand. His bows were devoid of military stiffness, and you could not hear his heels click together as he made them. And he had no more respect for his uniform than for ordinary clothes. Even the slim youthful moustaches that ran slantwise down to the corners of his mouth had neither point nor consistency; they only confirmed the unmartial impression he gave. The most remarkable thing about him was his eyes, so large, black, and extraordinarily brilliant that they seemed like glowing bottomless depths when he visited anything or anybody with his glance which was sparkling, ardent, or languishing by turns.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had probably gone into the army against his will, or at least without any inclination for it; and despite his physique he was no good in the service. He was unregarded by his comrades, and shared but little in their interests&#8212;the interests and pleasures of young officers lately back from a victorious campaign. And they found him a disagreeable oddity, who did not care for horses or hunting or play or women. All his thoughts were bent on music. He was to be seen at all the concerts, with his languishing eyes and his lax, unmilitary, theatrical attitudes; on the other hand he despised the club and the casino and never went near them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He made the duty calls which his position demanded; but the Buddenbrook house was the only one at which he visited&#8212;too much, people thought, and the Senator himself thought so too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No one dreamed what went on in Thomas Buddenbrook. No one must guess. But it was just this keeping everybody in ignorance of his mortification, his hatred, his powerlessness, that was so cruelly hard! People were beginning to find him a little ludicrous; but perhaps their laugh would have turned to pity if they had even dimly suspected how much he was on his guard against their laughter! He had seen it coming long before, he had felt it beforehand, before any one else had such an idea in his head. His much-carped-at vanity had its source largely in this fear. He had been first to see, with dismay, the growing disparity between himself and his lovely wife, on whom the years had not laid a finger. And now, since the advent of Herr von Throta, he had to fight with the last remnant of his strength to dissimulate his own misgivings, in order that they might not make him a laughing-stock in the eyes of the community.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gerda Buddenbrook and the eccentric young officer met each other, naturally, in the world of music. Herr von Throta played the piano, violin, viola, cello, and flute, and played them all unusually well. Often the Senator became aware of an impending visit when Herr von Throta's man passed the office-door with his master's cello-case on his back. Thomas Buddenbrook would sit at his desk and watch until he saw his wife's friend enter the house. Then, overhead in the salon, the harmonies would rise and surge like waves, with singing, lamenting, unearthly jubilation; would lift like clasped hands outstretched toward Heaven; would float in vague ecstasies; would sink and die away into sobbing, into night and silence. But they might roll and seethe, weep and exult, foam up and enfold each other, as unnaturally as they liked! They were not the worst. The worst, the actually torturing thing, was the silence. It would sometimes reign so long, so long, and so profoundly, above there in the salon, that it was impossible not to feel afraid of it. There would be no tread upon the ceiling, not even a chair would move&#8212;simply a soundless, speechless, deceiving, &lt;i&gt;secret&lt;/i&gt; silence. Thomas Buddenbrook would sit there, and the torture was such that he sometimes softly groaned.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was it that he feared? Once more people had seen Herr von Throta enter his house. And with their eyes he beheld the picture just as they saw it: Below, an aging man, worn out and crotchety, sat at his window in the office; above, his beautiful wife made music with her lover. &lt;i&gt;And not that alone&lt;/i&gt;. Yes, that was the way the thing looked to them. He knew it. He was aware, too, that the word &#8220;lover&#8221; was not really descriptive of Herr von Throta. It would have been almost a relief if it were. If he could have understood and despised him as an empty-headed, ordinary youth who worked off his average endowment of high spirits in a little music, and thus beguiled the feminine heart! He tried to think of him like that. He tried to summon up the instincts of his father to meet the case: the instincts of the thrifty merchant against the frivolous, adventurous, unreliable military caste. He called Herr von Throta &#8220;the lieutenant,&#8221; and tried to think of him as that; but in his heart he was conscious that the name was inappropriate.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was it that Thomas Buddenbrook feared? Nothing&#8212;nothing to put a name to. If there had only been something tangible, some simple, brutal fact, something to defend himself against! He envied people the simplicity of their conceptions. For while he sat there in torments, with his head in his hands, he knew all too well that &#8220;betrayal,&#8221; &#8220;adultery,&#8221; were not words to describe the singing things, the abysmally silent things, that were happening up there.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He looked up sometimes at the grey gables, at the people passing by, at the jubilee present hanging above his desk with the portraits of his forefathers: he thought of the history of his house, and said to himself that this was all that was wanting: that his person should become a byword, his name and family life a scandal among the people. This was all that was lacking to set the crown upon the whole. And the thought, again, almost did him good, because it was a simple, comprehensible, normal thought, that one could think and express&#8212;quite another matter from this brooding over a mysterious disgrace, a blot upon his family 'scutcheon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He could bear it no more. He shoved back his chair, left the office, and went upstairs. Whither should he go? Into the salon, to be greeted with unembarrassed slight condescension by Herr von Throta, to ask him to supper and be refused? For one of the worst features of the case was that the lieutenant avoided him, refused all official invitations from the head of the house, and confined himself to the free and private intercourse with its mistress.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Should he wait? Sit down somewhere, perhaps in the smoking-room, until the lieutenant went, and then go to Gerda and speak out, and call her to account? Ah, one did not speak out with Gerda, one did not call her to account. Why should one? Their alliance was based on mutual consideration, tact, and silence. To become a laughing-stock before her, too&#8212;no, surely he was not called upon to do that. To play the jealous husband would be to grant that outsiders were right, to proclaim a scandal, to cry it aloud. Was he jealous? Of whom? Of what? Alas, no! Jealousy&#8212;the word meant action: mistaken, crazy, wrong action, perhaps, but at least action, energetic, fearless, and conclusive. No, he only felt a slight anxiety, a harassing worry, over the whole thing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He went into his dressing-room and bathed his face with eau-de-cologne. Then he descended to the music-room, determined to break the silence there, cost what it would. He laid his hand on the door-knob&#8212;but now the music struck up again with a stormy outburst of sound, and he shrank back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
One day in such an hour, he was leaning over the balcony of the second floor, looking down the well of the staircase. Everything was quite still. Little Johann came out of his room, down the gallery steps, and across the corridor, on his way to Ida Jungmann's room. He slipped along the wall with his book, and would have passed his father with lowered eyes, and a murmured greeting; but the Senator spoke to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Hanno, and what are you doing?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Studying my lessons, Papa. I am going to Ida, to have her hear my translation&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and what do you have to-morrow?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno, still looking down, made an obvious effort to give a prompt, alert, and correct answer to the question. He swallowed once and said, &#8220;We have Cornelius Nepos, some accounts to copy, French grammar, the rivers of North America, German theme-correcting&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He stopped and felt provoked with himself; he could not remember any more, and wished he had said&lt;i&gt;and&lt;/i&gt; and let his voice fall, it sounded so abrupt and unfinished. &#8220;Nothing else,&#8221; he said as decidedly as he could, without looking up. But his father did not seem to be listening. He held Hanno's free hand and played with it absently, unconsciously fingering the slim fingers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And then Hanno heard something that had nothing to do with the lessons at all: his father's voice, in a tone he had never heard before, low, distressed, almost imploring: &#8220;Hanno&#8212;the lieutenant has been more than two hours with Mamma&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Little Hanno opened wide his gold-brown eyes at the sound: and they looked, as never before, clear, large, and loving, straight into his father's face, with its reddened eyelids under the light brows, its white puffy cheeks and long stiff moustaches. God knows how much he understood. But one thing they both felt: in the long second when their eyes met, all constraint, coldness, and misunderstanding melted away. Hanno might fail his father in all that demanded vitality, energy and strength. But where fear and suffering were in question, there Thomas Buddenbrook could count on the devotion of his son. On that common ground they met as one.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He did not realize this&#8212;he tried not to realize it. In the days that followed, he urged Hanno on more sternly than ever to practical preparations for his future career. He tested his mental powers, pressed him to commit himself upon the subject of his calling, and grew irritated at every sign of rebellion or fatigue. For the truth was that Thomas Buddenbrook, at the age of forty-eight, began to feel that his days were numbered, and to reckon with his own approaching death.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His health had failed. Loss of appetite, sleeplessness, dizziness, and the chills to which he had always been subject forced him several times to call in Dr. Langhals. But he did not follow the doctor's orders. His will-power had grown flabby in these years of idleness or petty activity. He slept late in the morning, though every evening he made an angry resolve to rise early and take the prescribed walk before breakfast. Only two or three times did he actually carry out the resolve; and it was the same with everything else. And the constant effort to spur on his will, with the constant failure to do so, consumed his self-respect and made him a prey to despair. He never even tried to give up his cigarettes; he could not do without the pleasant narcotic effect; he had smoked them from his youth up. He told Dr. Langhals to his vapid face: &#8220;You see, Doctor, it is your duty to forbid me cigarettes&#8212;a very easy and agreeable duty. But I have to obey the order&#8212;that is my share, and you can look on at it. No, we will work together over my health; but I find the work unevenly divided&#8212;too much of yours falls to me. Don't laugh; it is no joke. One is so frightfully alone&#8212;well, I smoke. Will you have one?&#8221; He offered his case.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All his powers were on the decline. What strengthened in him was the conviction that it could not last long, that the end was close at hand. He suffered from strange apprehensive fancies. Sometimes at table it seemed to him that he was no longer sitting with his family, but hovering above them somewhere and looking down upon them from a great distance. &#8220;I am going to die,&#8221; he said to himself. And he would call Hanno to him repeatedly and say: &#8220;My son, I may be taken away from you sooner than you think. And then you will be called upon to take my place. I was called upon very young myself. Can you understand that I am troubled by your indifference? Are you now resolved in your mind? Yes? Oh, &#8216;yes' is no answer! Again you won't answer me! What I ask you is, have you resolved, bravely and joyfully, to take up your burden? Do you imagine that you won't have to work, that you will have enough money without? You will have nothing, or very, very little; you will be thrown upon your own resources. If you want to live, and live well, you will have to work hard, harder even than I did.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But this was not all. It was not only the burden of his son's future, the future of his house, that weighed him down. There was another thought that took command, that mastered him and spurred on his weary thoughts. And it was this: As soon as he began to think of his mortal end not as an indefinite remote event, almost a contingency, but as something near and tangible for which it behoved him to prepare, he began to investigate himself, to examine his relations to death and questions of another world. And his earliest researches in this kind discovered in himself an irremediable unpreparedness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His father had united with his hard practical sense a literal faith, a fanatic Bible-Christianity which his mother, in her latter years, had adhered to as well; but to himself it had always been rather repellant. The worldly scepticism of his grandfather had been more nearly his own attitude. But the comfortable superficiality of old Johann could not satisfy his metaphysical and spiritual needs, and he ended by finding in evolution the answer to all his questions about eternity and immortality. He said to himself that he had lived in his forbears and would live on in his descendants. And this line which he had taken coincided not only with his sense of family, his patrician self-consciousness, his ancestor-worship, as it were; it had also strengthened his ambitions and through them the whole course of his existence. But now, before the near and penetrating eye of death, it fell away; it was nothing, it gave him not one single hour of calm, of readiness for the end.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook had played now and then throughout his life with an inclination to Catholicism. But he was at bottom, none the less, the born Protestant: full of the true Protestant's passionate, relentless sense of personal responsibility. No, in the ultimate things there was, there could be, no help from outside, no mediation, no absolution, no soothing-syrup, no panacea. Each one of us, alone, unaided, of his own powers, must unravel the riddle before it was too late, must wring for himself a pious readiness before the hour of death, or else part in despair. Thomas Buddenbrook turned away, desperate and hopeless, from his only son, in whom he had once hoped to live on, renewed and strong, and began in fear and haste to seek for the truth which must somewhere exist for him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was high summer of the year 1874. Silvery, high-piled clouds drifted across the deep blue sky above the garden's dainty symmetry. The birds twittered in the boughs of the walnut tree, the fountain splashed among the irises, and the scent of the lilacs floated on the breeze, mingled, alas, with the smell of hot syrup from a sugar-factory nearby. To the astonishment of the staff, the Senator now often left his work during office hours, to pace up and down in the garden with his hands behind his back, or to work about, raking the gravel paths, tying up the rose-bushes, or dredging mud out of the fountain. His face, with its light eyebrows, seemed serious and attentive as he worked; but his thoughts travelled far away in the dark on their lonely, painful path.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sometimes he seated himself on the little terrace, in the pavilion now entirely overgrown with green, and stared across the garden at the red brick rear wall of the house. The air was warm and sweet; it seemed as though the peaceful sounds about him strove to lull him to sleep. Weary of loneliness and silence and staring into space, he would close his eyes now and then, only to snatch them open and harshly frighten peace away. &#8220;I must think,&#8221; he said, almost aloud. &#8220;I must arrange everything before it is too late.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sat here one day, in the pavilion, in the little reed rocking-chair, and read for four hours, with growing absorption, in a book which had, partly by chance, come into his hands. After second breakfast, cigarette in mouth, he had unearthed it in the smoking-room, from behind some stately volumes in the corner of a bookcase, and recalled that he had bought it at a bargain one day years ago. It was a large volume, poorly printed on cheap paper and poorly sewed; the second part, only, of a famous philosophical system. He had brought it out with him into the garden, and now he turned the pages, profoundly interested.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was filled with a great, surpassing satisfaction. It soothed him to see how a master-mind could lay hold on this strong, cruel, mocking thing called life and enforce it and condemn it. His was the gratification of the sufferer who has always had a bad conscience about his sufferings and concealed them from the gaze of a harsh, unsympathetic world, until suddenly, from the hand of an authority, he receives, as it were, justification and license for his suffering&#8212;justification before the world, this best of all possible worlds which the master-mind scornfully demonstrates to be the worst of all possible ones!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He did not understand it all. Principles and premises remained unclear, and his mind, unpractised in such readings, was not able to follow certain trains of thought. But this very alternation of vagueness and clarity, of dull incomprehension with sudden bursts of light, kept him enthralled and breathless, and the hours vanished without his looking up from his book or changing his position in his chair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had left some pages unread in the beginning of the book, and hurried on, clutching rapidly after the main thesis, reading only this or that section which held his attention. Then he struck on a comprehensive chapter and read it from beginning to end, his lips tightly closed and his brows drawn together with a concentration which had long been strange to him, completely withdrawn from the life about him. The chapter was called &#8220;On Death, and its Relation to our Personal Immortality.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Only a few lines remained when the servant came through the garden at four o'clock to call him to dinner. He nodded, read the remaining sentences, closed the book, and looked about him. He felt that his whole being had unaccountably expanded, and at the same time there clung about his senses a profound intoxication, a strange, sweet, vague allurement which somehow resembled the feelings of early love and longing. He put away the book in the drawer of the garden table. His hands were cold and unsteady, his head was burning, and he felt in it a strange pressure and strain, as though something were about to snap. He was not capable of consecutive thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was this? He asked himself the question as he mounted the stairs and sat down to table with his family. What is it? Have I had a revelation? What has happened to me, Thomas Buddenbrook, Councillor of this government, head of the grain firm of Johann Buddenbrook? Was this message meant for me? Can I bear it? I don't know what it was: I only know it is too much for my poor brain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He remained the rest of the day in this condition, this heavy lethargy and intoxication, overpowered by the heady draught he had drunk, incapable of thought. Evening came. His head was heavy, and since he could hold it up no longer, he went early to bed. He slept for three hours, more profoundly than ever before in his life. And, then, suddenly, abruptly, with a start, he awoke and felt as one feels on realizing, suddenly, a budding love in the heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was alone in the large sleeping chamber; for Gerda slept now in Ida Jungmann's room, and the latter had moved into one of the three balcony rooms to be nearer little Johann. It was dark, for the curtains of both high windows were tightly closed. He lay on his back, feeling the oppression of the stillness and of the heavy, warm air, and looked up into the darkness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And behold, it was as though the darkness were rent from before his eyes, as if the whole wall of the night parted wide and disclosed an immeasurable, boundless prospect of light. &#8220;I shall live!&#8221; said Thomas Buddenbrook, almost aloud, and felt his breast shaken with inward sobs. &#8220;This is the revelation: that I shall live! For &lt;i&gt;it&lt;/i&gt; will live&#8212;and that this &lt;i&gt;it&lt;/i&gt; is not I is only an illusion, an error which death will make plain. This is it, this is it! Why?&#8221; But at this question the night closed in again upon him. He saw, he knew, he understood, no least particle more; he let himself sink deep in the pillows, quite blinded and exhausted by the morsel of truth which had been vouchsafed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He lay still and waited fervently, feeling himself tempted to pray that it would come again and irradiate his darkness. And it came. With folded hands, not daring to move, he lay and looked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What &lt;i&gt;was&lt;/i&gt; Death? The answer came, not in poor, large-sounding words: he felt it within him, he possessed it. Death was a joy, so great, so deep that it could be dreamed of only in moments of revelation like the present. It was the return from an unspeakably painful wandering, the correction of a grave mistake, the loosening of chains, the opening of doors&#8212;it put right again a lamentable mischance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
End, dissolution! These were pitiable words, and thrice pitiable he who used them! What would end, what would dissolve? Why, this his body, this heavy, faulty, hateful incumbrance, which &lt;i&gt;prevented him from being something other and better&lt;/i&gt;.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Was not every human being a mistake and a blunder? Was he not in painful arrest from the hour of his birth? Prison, prison, bonds and limitations everywhere! The human being stares hopelessly through the barred window of his personality at the high walls of outward circumstance, till Death comes and calls him home to freedom!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Individuality?&#8212;All, all that one is, can, and has, seems poor, grey, inadequate, wearisome; what one is not, can not, has not, that is what one looks at with a longing desire that becomes love because it fears to become hate.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I bear in myself the seed, the tendency, the possibility of all capacity and all achievement. Where should I be were I not here? Who, what, how could I be, if I were not I&#8212;if this my external self, my consciousness, did not cut me off from those who are not I? Organism! Blind, thoughtless, pitiful eruption of the urging will! Better, indeed, for the will to float free in spaceless, timeless night than for it to languish in prison, illumined by the feeble, flickering light of the intellect!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Have I hoped to live on in my son? In a personality yet more feeble, flickering, and timorous than my own? Blind, childish folly! What can my son do for me&#8212;what need have I of a son? Where shall I be when I am dead? Ah, it is so brilliantly clear, so overwhelmingly simple! I shall be in all those who have ever, do ever, or ever shall say &#8220;I&#8221;&#8212;especially, however, in all those who say it most fully, potently, and gladly!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Somewhere in the world a child is growing up, strong, well-grown, adequate, able to develop its powers, gifted, untroubled, pure, joyous, relentless, one of those beings whose glance heightens the joy of the joyous and drives the unhappy to despair. &lt;i&gt;He&lt;/i&gt; is my son. He is I, myself, soon, soon; as soon as Death frees me from the wretched delusion that I am not he as well as myself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Have I ever hated life&#8212;pure, strong, relentless life? Folly and misconception! I have but hated myself, because I could not bear it. I love you, I love you all, you blessed, and soon, soon, I shall cease to be cut off from you all by the narrow bonds of myself; soon will that in me which loves you be free and be in and with you&#8212;in and with you all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He wept, he pressed his face into the pillows and wept, shaken through and through, lifted up in transports by a joy without compare for its exquisite sweetness. This it was which since yesterday had filled him as if with a heady, intoxicating draught, had worked in his heart in the darkness of the night and roused him like a budding love! And in so far as he could now understand and recognize&#8212;not in words and consecutive thoughts, but in sudden rapturous illuminations of his inmost being&#8212;he was already free, already actually released and free of all natural as well as artificial limitations. The walls of his native town, in which he had wilfully and consciously shut himself up, opened out; they opened and disclosed to his view the entire world, of which he had in his youth seen this or that small portion, and of which Death now promised him the whole. The deceptive perceptions of space, time and history, the preoccupation with a glorious historical continuity of life in the person of his own descendants, the dread of some future final dissolution and decomposition&#8212;all this his spirit now put aside. He was no longer prevented from grasping eternity. Nothing began, nothing left off. There was only an endless present; and that power in him which loved life with a love so exquisitely sweet and yearning&#8212;the power of which his person was only the unsuccessful expression&#8212;that power would always know how to find access to this present.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall live,&#8221; he whispered into his pillow. He wept, and in the next moment knew not why. His brain stood still, the vision was quenched. Suddenly there was nothing more&#8212;he lay in dumb darkness. &#8220;It will come back,&#8221; he assured himself. And before sleep inexorably wrapped him round, he swore to himself never to let go this precious treasure, but to read and study, to learn its powers, and to make inalienably his own the whole conception of the universe out of which his vision sprang.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But that could not be. Even the next day, as he woke with a faint feeling of shame at the emotional extravagances of the night, he suspected that it would be hard to put these beautiful designs into practice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He rose late and had to go at once to take part in the debate at an assembly of burgesses. Public business, the civic life that went on in the gabled narrow streets of this middle-sized trading city, consumed his energies once more. He still planned to take up the wonderful reading again where he had left it off. But he questioned of himself whether the events of that night had been anything firm and permanent; whether, when Death approached, they would be found to hold their ground.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His middle-class instincts rose against them&#8212;and his vanity, too: the fear of being eccentric, of playing a laughable r&#244;le. Had he really seen these things? And did they really become him&#8212;him, Thomas Buddenbrook, head of the firm of Johann Buddenbrook?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He never succeeded in looking again into the precious volume&#8212;to say nothing of buying its other parts. His days were consumed by nervous pedantry: harassed by a thousand details, all of them unimportant, he was too weak-willed to arrive at a reasonable and fruitful arrangement of his time. Nearly two weeks after that memorable afternoon he gave it up&#8212;and ordered the maid-servant to fetch the book from the drawer in the garden table and replace it in the bookcase.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And thus Thomas Buddenbrook, who had held his hands stretched imploringly upward toward the high ultimate truth, sank now weakly back to the images and conceptions of his childhood. He strove to call back that personal God, the Father of all human beings, who had sent a part of Himself upon earth to suffer and bleed for our sins, and who, on the final day, would come to judge the quick and the dead; at whose feet the justified, in the course of the eternity then beginning, would be recompensed for the sorrows they had borne in this vale of tears. Yes, he strove to subscribe to the whole confused unconvincing story, which required no intelligence, only obedient credulity; and which, when the last anguish came, would sustain one in a firm and childlike faith.&#8212; But would it, really?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ah, even here there was no peace. This poor, well-nigh exhausted man, consumed with gnawing fears for the honour of his house, his wife, his child, his name, his family, this man who spent painful effort even to keep his body artificially erect and well-preserved&#8212;this poor man tortured himself for days with thoughts upon the moment and manner of death. How would it really be? Did the soul go to Heaven immediately after death, or did bliss first begin with the resurrection of the flesh? And, if so, where did the soul stay until that time? He did not remember ever having been taught this. Why had he not been told this important fact in school or in church? How was it justifiable for them to leave people in such uncertainty? He considered visiting Pastor Pringsheim and seeking advice and counsel; but he gave it up in the end for fear of being ridiculous.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And finally he gave it all up&#8212;he left it all to God. But having come to such an unsatisfactory ending of his attempts to set his spiritual affairs in order, he determined at least to spare no pains over his earthly ones, and to carry out a plan which he had long entertained.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
One day little Johann heard his father tell his mother, as they drank their coffee in the living-room after the midday meal, that he expected Lawyer So-and-So to make his will. He really ought not to keep on putting it off. Later, in the afternoon, Hanno practised his music for an hour. When he went down the corridor after that, he met, coming up the stairs, his father and a gentleman in a long black overcoat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hanno,&#8221; said the Senator, curtly. And little Johann stopped, swallowed, and said quickly and softly: &#8220;Yes, Papa.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have some important business with this gentleman,&#8221; his father went on. &#8220;Will you stand before the door into the smoking-room and take care that nobody&#8212;absolutely nobody, you understand&#8212;disturbs us?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Papa,&#8221; said little Johann, and took up his post before the door, which closed after the two gentlemen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He stood there, clutching his sailor's knot with one hand, felt with his tongue for a doubtful tooth, and listened to the earnest subdued voices which could be heard from inside. His head, with the curling light-brown hair, he held on one side, and his face with the frowning brows and blue-shadowed, gold-brown eyes, wore that same displeased and brooding look with which he had inhaled the odour of the flowers, and that other strange, yet half-familiar odour, by his grandmother's bier.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ida Jungmann passed and said, &#8220;Well, little Hanno, why are you hanging about here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the hump-backed apprentice came out of the office with a telegram, and asked for the Senator.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But, both times, little Johann put his arm in its blue sailor sleeve with the anchor on it horizontally across the door; both times he shook his head and said softly, after a pause, &#8220;No one may go in. Papa is making his will.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In the autumn Dr. Langhals said, making play like a woman with his beautiful eyes: &#8220;It is the nerves, Senator; the nerves are to blame for everything. And once in a while the circulation is not what it should be. May I venture to make a suggestion? You need another little rest. These few Sundays by the sea, during the summer, haven't amounted to much, of course. It's the end of September, Travem&#252;nde is still open, there are still a few people there. Drive over, Senator, and sit on the beach a little. Two or three weeks will do you a great deal of good.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Thomas Buddenbrook said &#8220;yes&#8221; and &#8220;amen.&#8221; But when he told his family of the arrangement, Christian suggested going with him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll go with you, Thomas,&#8221; he said, quite simply. &#8220;You don't mind, I suppose.&#8221; And the Senator, though he did mind very much, said &#8220;yes&#8221; and &#8220;amen&#8221; to this arrangement as well.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian was now more than ever master of his own time. His fluctuating health had constrained him to give up his last undertaking, the champagne and spirit agency. The man who used to come and sit on his sofa and nod at him in the twilight had happily not recurred of late. But the misery in the side had, if anything, grown worse, and added to this was a whole list of other infirmities of which Christian kept the closest watch, and which he described in all companies, with his nose wrinkled up. He often suffered from that long-standing dread of paralysis of the tongue, throat, and &#339;sophagus, even of the extremities and of the brain&#8212;of which there were no actual symptoms, but the fear in itself was almost worse. He told in detail how, one day when he was making tea, he had held the lighted match not over the spirit-lamp, but over the open bottle of methylated spirit instead; so that not only himself, but the people in his own and the adjacent buildings, nearly went up in flames. And he dwelt in particular detail, straining every resource he had at his command to make himself perfectly clear, upon a certain ghastly anomaly which he had of late observed in himself. It was this: that on certain days, i.e., under certain weather conditions, and in certain states of mind, he could not see an open window without having a horrible and inexplicable impulse to jump out. It was a mad and almost uncontrollable desire, a sort of desperate foolhardiness. The family were dining on Sunday in Fishers' Lane, and he described how he had to summon all his powers, and crawl on hands and knees to the window to shut it. At this point everybody shrieked; his audience rebelled, and would listen no more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He told these and similar things with a certain horrible satisfaction. But the thing about himself which he did not know, which he never studied and described, but which none the less grew worse and worse, was his singular lack of tact. He told in the family circle anecdotes of such a nature that the club was the only possible place for them. And even his sense of personal modesty seemed to be breaking down. He was on friendly terms with his sister-in-law, Gerda. But when he displayed to her the beautiful weave and texture of his English socks, he did not stop at that, but rolled up his wide, checkered trouser-leg to far above the knee: &#8220;Look,&#8221; he said, wrinkling his nose in distress: &#8220;Look how thin I'm getting. Isn't it striking and unusual?&#8221; And there he sat, sadly gazing at his crooked, bony leg and the gaunt knee visible through his white woollen drawers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His mercantile activity then, was a thing of the past. But such hours as he did not spend at the club he liked to fill in with one sort of occupation or another; and he would proudly point out that he had never actually ceased to work. He extended his knowledge of languages and embarked upon a study of Chinese&#8212;though this was for the sake of acquiring knowledge, simply, with no practical purpose in view. He worked at it industriously for two weeks. He was also, just at this time, occupied with a project of enlarging an English-German dictionary which he had found inadequate. But he really needed a little change, and it would be better too for the Senator to have somebody with him; so he did not allow his business to keep him in town.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The two brothers drove out together to the sea along the turnpike, which was nothing but a puddle. The rain drummed on the carriage-top, and they hardly spoke. Christian's eyes roved hither and yon; he was as if listening to uncanny noises. Thomas sat muffled in his cloak, shivering, gazing with bloodshot eyes, his moustaches stiffly sticking out beyond his white cheeks. They drove up to the Kurhouse in the afternoon, their wheels grating in the wet gravel. Old Broker Gosch sat in the glass verandah, drinking rum punch. He stood up, whistling through his teeth, and they all sat down together to have a little something warm while the trunks were being carried up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gosch was a late guest at the cure, and there were a few other people as well: an English family, a Dutch maiden lady, and a Hamburg bachelor, all of them presumably taking their rest before table-d'h&#244;te, for it was like the grave everywhere but for the sound of the rain. Let them sleep! As for Herr Gosch, he was not in the habit of sleeping in the daytime. He was glad enough to get a few hours' sleep at night. He was far from well; he was taking a late cure for the benefit of this trembling which he suffered from in all his limbs. Hang it, he could hardly hold his glass of grog; and more often than not he could not write at all&#8212;so that the translation of Lope da Vega got on but slowly. He was in a very low mood indeed, and even his curses lacked relish. &#8220;Let it go hang!&#8221; was his constant phrase, which he repeated on every occasion and often on none at all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the Senator? How was he feeling? How long were the gentlemen thinking of stopping?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Oh, Dr. Langhals had sent him out on account of his nerves. He had obeyed orders, of course, despite the frightful weather&#8212;what doesn't one do out of fear of one's physician? He was really feeling more or less miserable, and they would probably remain till there was a little improvement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I'm pretty wretched too,&#8221; said Christian, irritated at Thomas's speaking only of himself. He was about to fetch out his repertoire&#8212;the nodding man, the spirit-bottle, the open window&#8212;when the Senator interrupted him by going to engage the rooms.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The rain did not stop. It washed away the earth, it danced upon the sea, which was driven back by the south-west wind and left the beaches bare. Everything was shrouded in grey. The steamers went by like wraiths and vanished on the dim horizon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They met the strange guests only at table. The Senator, in mackintosh and goloshes, went walking with Gosch; Christian drank Swedish punch with the barmaid in the pastry-shop.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Two or three times in the afternoon it looked as though the sun were coming out; and a few acquaintances from town appeared&#8212;people who enjoyed a holiday away from their families: Senator Dr. Gieseke, Christian's friend, and Consul Peter D&#246;hlmann, who looked very ill indeed, and was killing himself with Hunyadi-Janos water. The gentlemen sat together in their overcoats, under the awnings of the pastry-shop, opposite the empty bandstand, drinking their coffee, digesting their five courses, and talking desultorily as they gazed over the empty garden.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The news of the town&#8212;the last high water, which had gone into the cellars and been so deep that in the lower part of the town people had to go about in boats; a fire in the dockyard sheds; a senatorial election&#8212;these were the topics of conversation. Alfred Lauritzen, of the firm of St&#252;rmann &amp; Lauritzen, tea, coffee, and spice merchants, had been elected, and Senator Buddenbrook had not approved of the choice. He sat smoking cigarettes, wrapped in his cloak, almost silent except for a few remarks on this particular subject. One thing was certain, he said, and that was that &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt; had not voted for Herr Lauritzen. Lauritzen was an honest fellow and a good man of business. There was no doubt of that; but he was middle-class, respectable middle-class. His father had fished herrings out of the barrel and handed them across the counter to servant-maids with his own hands&#8212;and now they had in the Senate the proprietor of a retail business. His, Thomas Buddenbrook's father had disowned his eldest son for &#8220;marrying a shop&#8221;; but that was in the good old days. &#8220;The standard is being lowered,&#8221; he said. &#8220;The social level is not so high as it was; the Senate is being democratized, my dear Gieseke, and that is no good. Business ability is one thing&#8212;but it is not everything. In my view we should demand something more. Alfred Lauritzen, with his big feet and his boatswain's face&#8212;it is offensive to me to think of him in the Senate-house. It offends something in me, I don't know what. It goes against my sense of form&#8212;it is a piece of bad taste, in short.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Senator Gieseke demurred. He was rather piqued by this expression of opinion. After all, he himself was only the son of a Fire Commissioner. No, the labourer was worthy of his hire. That was what being a republican meant. &#8220;You ought not to smoke so much, Buddenbrook,&#8221; he ended. &#8220;You won't get any sea air.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll stop now,&#8221; said Thomas Buddenbrook, flung away the end of his cigarette, and closed his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The conversation dragged on; the rain set in again and veiled the prospect. They began to talk about the latest town scandal&#8212;about P. Philipp Kassbaum, who had been falsifying bills of exchange and now sat behind locks and bars. No one felt outraged over the dishonesty: they spoke of it as an act of folly, laughed a bit, and shrugged their shoulders. Senator Dr. Gieseke said that the convicted man had not lost his spirits. He had asked for a mirror, it seemed, there being none in his cell. &#8220;I'll need a looking-glass,&#8221; he was reported to have said: &#8220;I shall be here for some time.&#8221; He had been, like Christian and Dr. Gieseke, a pupil of the lamented Marcellus Stengel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They all laughed again at this, through their noses, without a sign of feeling. Siegismund Gosch ordered another grog in a tone of voice that was as good as saying, &#8220;What's the use of living?&#8221; Consul D&#246;hlmann sent for a bottle of brandy. Christian felt inclined to more Swedish punch, so Dr. Gieseke ordered some for both of them. Before long Thomas Buddenbrook began to smoke again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the idle, cynical, indifferent talk went on, heavy with the food they had eaten, the wine they drank, and the damp that depressed their spirits. They talked about business, the business of each one of those present; but even this subject roused no great enthusiasm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, there's nothing very good about mine,&#8221; said Thomas Buddenbrook heavily, and leaned his head against the back of his chair with an air of disgust.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and you, D&#246;hlmann,&#8221; asked Senator Gieseke, and yawned. &#8220;You've been devoting yourself entirely to brandy, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The chimney can't smoke, unless there's a fire,&#8221; the Consul retorted. &#8220;I look into the office every few days. Short hairs are soon combed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And Strunck and Hagenstr&#246;m have all the business in their hands anyhow,&#8221; the broker said morosely, with his elbows sprawled out on the table and his wicked old grey head in his hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, nothing can compete with a dung-heap, for smell,&#8221; D&#246;hlmann said, with a deliberately coarse pronunciation, which must have depressed everybody's spirits the more by its hopeless cynicism. &#8220;Well, and you, Buddenbrook&#8212;what are you doing now? Nothing, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; answered Christian, &#8220;I can't, any more.&#8221; And without more ado, having perceived the mood of the hour, he proceeded to accentuate it. He began, his hat on one side, to talk about his Valparaiso office and Johnny Thunderstorm. &#8220;Well, in that heat&#8212;&#8216;Good God! Work, Sir? No, Sir. As you see, Sir.' And they puffed their cigarette-smoke right in his face. Good God!&#8221; It was, as always, an incomparable expression of dissolute, impudent, lazy good-nature. His brother sat motionless.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Gosch tried to lift his glass to his thin lips, put it back on the table again, cursing through his shut teeth, and struck the offending arm with his fist. Then he lifted the glass once more, and spilled half its contents, draining the remainder furiously at a gulp.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, you and your shaking, Gosch!&#8221; Peter D&#246;hlmann exclaimed. &#8220;Why don't you just let yourself go, like me? I'll croak if I don't drink my bottle every day&#8212;I've got as far as that; and I'll croak if I do. How would you feel if you couldn't get rid of your dinner, not a single day&#8212;I mean, after you've got it in your stomach?&#8221; And he favoured them with some repulsive details of his condition, to which Christian listened with dreadful interest, wrinkling his nose as far as it could go and countering with a brief and forcible account of his &#8220;misery.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It rained harder than ever. It came straight down in sheets and filled the silence of the Kurgarden with its ceaseless, forlorn, and desolate murmur.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, life's pretty rotten,&#8221; said Senator Gieseke. He had been drinking heavily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'd just as lief quit,&#8221; said Christian.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let it go hang,&#8221; said Herr Gosch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There comes Fike Dahlbeck,&#8221; said Senator Gieseke. The proprietress of the cow-stalls, a heavy, bold-faced woman in the forties, came by with a pail of milk and smiled at the gentlemen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Senator Gieseke let his eyes rove after her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a bosom,&#8221; he said. Consul D&#246;hlmann added a lewd witticism, with the result that all the gentlemen laughed once more, through their noses.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The waiter was summoned.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've finished the bottle, Schr&#246;der,&#8221; said Consul D&#246;hlmann. &#8220;May as well pay&#8212;we have to some time or other. You, Christian? Gieseke pays for you, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Senator Buddenbrook roused himself at this. He had been sitting there, hardly speaking, wrapped in his cloak, his hands in his lap and his cigarette in the corner of his mouth. Now he suddenly started up and said sharply, &#8220;Have you no money with you, Christian? Then I'll lend it to you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They put up their umbrellas and emerged from their shelter to take a little stroll.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder came out once in a while to see her brother. They would walk as far as Sea-Gull Rock or the little Ocean Temple; and here Tony Buddenbrook, for some reason or other, was always seized by a mood of vague excitement and rebellion. She would repeatedly emphasize the independence and equality of all human beings, summarily repudiate all distinctions of rank or class, use some very strong language on the subject of privilege and arbitrary power, and demand in set terms that merit should receive its just reward. And then she talked about her own life. She talked well, she entertained her brother capitally. This child of fortune, so long as she walked upon this earth, had never once needed to suppress an emotion, to choke down or swallow anything she felt. She had never received in silence either the blows or the caresses of fate. And whatever she had received, of joy or sorrow, she had straightway given forth again, in a flow of childish, self-important trivialities. Her digestion was not perfect, it is true. But her heart&#8212;ah, her heart was light, her spirit was free; freer than she herself comprehended. She was not consumed by the inexpressible. No sorrow weighed her down, or strove to speak but could not. And thus it was that her past left no mark upon her. She knew that she had led a troubled life&#8212;she knew it, that is, but at bottom she never believed in it herself. She recognized it as a fact, since everybody else believed it&#8212;and she utilized it to her own advantage, talking of it and making herself great with it in her own eyes and those of others. With outraged virtue and dignity she would call by name all those persons who had played havoc with her life and, in consequence, with the prestige of the Buddenbrook family; the list had grown long with time: Teary Trietschke! Gr&#252;nlich! Permaneder! Tiburtius! Weinschenk! the Hagenstr&#246;ms! the State Attorney! Severin!&#8212;&#8220;What &lt;i&gt;filoux&lt;/i&gt;, all of them, Thomas! God will punish them&#8212;that is my firm belief.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Twilight was falling as they came up to the Ocean Temple, for the autumn was far advanced. They stood in one of the little chambers facing the bay&#8212;it smelled of wood, like the bathing cabins at the Kur, and its walls were scribbled over with mottoes, initials, hearts and rhymes. They stood and looked out over the dripping slope across the narrow, stony strip of beach, out to the turbid, restless sea.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Great waves,&#8221; said Thomas Buddenbrook. &#8220;How they come on and break, come on and break, one after another, endlessly, idly, empty and vast! And yet, like all the simple, inevitable things, they soothe, they console, after all. I have learned to love the sea more and more. Once, I think, I cared more for the mountains&#8212;because they lay farther off. Now I do not long for them. They would only frighten and abash me. They are too capricious, too manifold, too anomalous&#8212;I know I should feel myself vanquished in their presence. What sort of men prefer the monotony of the sea? Those, I think, who have looked so long and deeply into the complexities of the spirit, that they ask of outward things merely that they should possess one quality above all: simplicity. It is true that in the mountains one clambers briskly about, while beside the sea one sits quietly on the shore. This is a difference, but a superficial one. The real difference is in the look with which one pays homage to the one and to the other. It is a strong, challenging gaze, full of enterprise, that can soar from peak to peak; but the eyes that rest on the wide ocean and are soothed by the sight of its waves rolling on forever, mystically, relentlessly, are those that are already wearied by looking too deep into the solemn perplexities of life.&#8212;Health and illness, that is the difference. The man whose strength is unexhausted climbs boldly up into the lofty multiplicity of the mountain heights. But it is when one is worn out with turning one's eyes inward upon the bewildering complexity of the human heart, that one finds peace in resting them on the wideness of the sea.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder was silent and uncomfortable,&#8212;as simple people are when a profound truth is suddenly expressed in the middle of a conventional conversation. People don't say such things, she thought to herself; and looked out to sea so as not to show her feeling by meeting his eyes. Then, in the silence, to make amends for an embarrassment which she could not help, she drew his arm through hers.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Winter had come, Christmas had passed. It was January, 1875. The snow, which covered the foot-walks in a firm-trodden mass, mingled with sand and ashes, was piled on either side of the road in high mounds that were growing greyer and more porous all the time, for the temperature was rising. The pavements were wet and dirty, the grey gables dripped. But above all stretched the heavens, a cloudless tender blue, while millions of light atoms seemed to dance like crystal motes in the air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a lively sight in the centre of the town, for this was Saturday, and market-day as well. Under the pointed arches of the Town Hall arcades the butchers had their stalls and weighed out their wares red-handed. The fish-market, however, was held around the fountain in the market-square itself. Here fat old women, with their hands in muffs from which most of the fur was worn off, warming their feet at little coal-braziers, guarded their slippery wares and tried to cajole the servants and housewives into making purchases. There was no fear of being cheated. The fish would certainly be fresh, for the most of them were still alive. The luckiest ones were even swimming about in pails of water, rather cramped for space, but perfectly lively. Others lay with dreadfully goggling eyes and labouring gills, clinging to life and slapping the marble slab desperately with their tails&#8212;until such time as their fate was at hand, when somebody would seize them and cut their throats with a crunching sound. Great fat eels writhed and wreathed about in extraordinary shapes. There were deep vats full of black masses of crabs from the Baltic. Once in a while a big flounder gave such a desperate leap that he sprang right off his slab and fell down upon the slippery pavement, among all the refuse, and had to be picked up and severely admonished by his possessor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Broad Street, at midday, was full of life. Schoolchildren with knapsacks on their backs came along the street, filling it with laughter and chatter, snowballing each other with the half-melting snow. Smart young apprentices passed, with Danish sailor caps or suits cut after the English model, carrying their portfolios and obviously pleased with themselves for having escaped from school. Among the crowd were settled, grey-bearded, highly respectable citizens, wearing the most irreproachable national-liberal expression on their faces, and tapping their sticks along the pavement. These looked across with interest to the glazed-brick front of the Town Hall, where the double guard was stationed; for the Senate was in session. The sentries trod their beat, wearing their cloaks, their guns on their shoulders, phlegmatically stamping their feet in the dirty half-melted snow. They met in the centre of their beat, looked at each other, exchanged a word, turned, and moved away each to his own side. Sometimes a lieutenant would pass, his coat-collar turned up, his hands in his pockets, on the track of some grisette, yet at the same time permitting himself to be admired by young ladies of good family; and then each sentry would stand at attention in front of his box, look at himself from head to foot, and present arms. It would be a little time yet before they would perform the same salute before the members of the Senate, the sitting lasted some three quarters of an hour, it would probably adjourn before that.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But one of the sentries suddenly heard a short, discreet whistle from within the building. At the same moment the entrance was illumined by the red uniform of Uhlefeldt the beadle, with his dress sword and cocked hat. His air of preoccupation was simply enormous as he uttered a stealthy &#8220;Look out&#8221; and hastily withdrew. At the same moment approaching steps were heard on the echoing flags within.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The sentries front-faced, inflated their chests, stiffened their necks, grounded their arms, and then, with a couple of rapid motions, presented arms. Between them there had appeared, lifting his top-hat, a gentleman of scarcely medium height, with one light eyebrow higher than the other and the pointed ends of his moustaches extending beyond his pallid cheeks. Senator Thomas Buddenbrook was leaving the Town Hall to-day long before the end of the sitting. He did not take the street to his own house, but turned to the right instead. He looked correct, spotless, and elegant as, with the rather hopping step peculiar to him, he walked along Broad Street, constantly saluting people whom he met. He wore white kid gloves, and he had his stick with the silver handle under his left arm. A white dress tie peeped forth from between the lapels of his fur coat. But his head and face, despite their careful grooming, looked rather seedy. People who passed him noticed that his eyes were watering and that he held his mouth shut in a peculiar cautious way; it was twisted a little to one side, and one could see by the muscles of his cheeks and temples that he was clenching his jaw. Sometimes he swallowed, as if a liquid kept rising in his mouth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Buddenbrook, so you are cutting the session? That is something new,&#8221; somebody said unexpectedly to him at the beginning of Mill Street. It was his friend and admirer Stephan Kistenmaker, whose opinion on all subjects was the echo of his own. Stephan Kistenmaker had a full greying beard, bushy eyebrows, and a long nose full of large pores. He had retired from the wine business a few years back with a comfortable sum, and his brother Eduard carried it on by himself. He lived now the life of a private gentleman; but, being rather ashamed of the fact, he always pretended to be overwhelmed with work. &#8220;I'm wearing myself out,&#8221; he would say, stroking his grey hair, which he curled with the tongs. &#8220;But what's a man good for, but to wear himself out?&#8221; He stood hours on 'Change, gesturing imposingly, but doing no business. He held a number of unimportant offices, the latest one being Director of the city bathing establishments; but he also functioned as juror, broker, and executor, and laboured with such zeal that the perspiration dripped from his brow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's a session, isn't there, Buddenbrook&#8212;and you are taking a walk?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, it's you,&#8221; said the Senator in a low voice, moving his lips cautiously. &#8220;I'm suffering frightfully&#8212;I'm nearly blind with pain.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pain? Where?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Toothache. Since yesterday. I did not close my eyes last night. I have not been to the dentist yet, because I had business in the office this morning, and then I did not like to miss the sitting. But I couldn't stand it any longer. I'm on my way to Brecht.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where is it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here on the left side, the lower jaw. A back tooth. It is decayed, of course. The pain is simply unbearable. Good-bye, Kistenmaker. You can understand that I am in a good deal of a hurry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, of course&#8212;don't you think I am, too? Awful lot to do. Good-bye. Good luck! Have it out&#8212;get it over with at once&#8212;always the best way.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook went on, biting his jaws together, though it made the pain worse to do so. It was a furious burning, boring pain, starting from the infected back tooth and affecting the whole side of the jaw. The inflammation throbbed like red-hot hammers; it made his face burn and his eyes water. His nerves were terribly affected by the sleepless night he had spent. He had had to control himself just now, lest his voice break as he spoke.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He entered a yellow-brown house in Mill Street and went up to the first storey, where a brass plate on the door said, &#8220;Brecht, Dentist.&#8221; He did not see the servant who opened the door. The corridor was warm and smelled of beefsteak and cauliflower. Then he suddenly inhaled the sharp odour of the waiting-room into which he was ushered. &#8220;Sit down! One moment!&#8221; shrieked the voice of an old woman. It was Josephus, who sat in his shining cage at the end of the room and regarded him sidewise out of his venomous little eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator sat down at the round table and tried to read the jokes in a volume of &lt;i&gt;Fliegende Bl&#228;tter&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb28&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Fliegende Bl&#228;tter &#8211; the Flying Gazette&#034; id=&#034;nh28&#034;&gt;28&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, flung down the book, and pressed the cool silver handle of his walking-stick against his cheek. He closed his burning eyes and groaned. There was not a sound, except for the noise made by Josephus as he bit and clawed at the bars of his cage. Herr Brecht might not be busy; but he owed it to himself to make his patient wait a little.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook stood up precipitately and drank a glass of water from the bottle on the table. It tasted and smelled of chloroform. Then he opened the door into the corridor and called out in an irritated voice: if there were nothing very important to prevent it, would Herr Brecht kindly make haste&#8212;he was suffering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And immediately the bald forehead, hooked nose, and grizzled moustaches of the dentist appeared in the door of the operating-room. &#8220;If you please,&#8221; he said. &#8220;If you please,&#8221; shrieked Josephus. The Senator followed on the invitation. He was not smiling. &#8220;A bad case,&#8221; thought Herr Brecht, and turned pale.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They passed through the large light room to the operating-chair in front of one of the two largest windows. It was an adjustable chair with an upholstered head-rest and green plush arms. As he sat down, Thomas Buddenbrook briefly explained what the trouble was. Then he leaned back his head and closed his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Brecht screwed up the chair a bit and got to work on the tooth with a tiny mirror and a pointed steel instrument. His hands smelled of almond soap, his breath of cauliflower and beefsteak.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We must proceed to extraction,&#8221; he said, after a while, and turned still paler.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well, proceed, then,&#8221; said the Senator, and shut his eyes more tightly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a pause. Herr Brecht prepared something at his chest of drawers and got out his instruments. Then he approached the chair again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll paint it a little,&#8221; he said; and began at once to apply a strong-smelling liquid in generous quantities. Then he gently implored the patient to sit very still and open his mouth very wide&#8212;and then he began.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook clutched the plush arm-rests with both his hands. He scarcely felt the forceps close around his tooth; but from the grinding sensation in his mouth, and the increasingly painful, really agonizing pressure on his whole head, he was made amply aware that the thing was under way. Thank God, he thought, now it can't last long. The pain grew and grew, to limitless, incredible heights; it grew to an insane, shrieking, inhuman torture, tearing his entire brain. It approached the catastrophe. &#8216;Here we are, he thought. Now I must just bear it.'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It lasted three or four seconds. Herr Brecht's nervous exertions communicated themselves to Thomas Buddenbrook's whole body, he was even lifted up a little on his chair, and he heard a soft, squeaking noise coming from the dentist's throat. Suddenly there was a fearful blow, a violent shaking as if his neck were broken, accompanied by a quick cracking, crackling noise. The pressure was gone, but his head buzzed, the pain throbbed madly in the inflamed and ill-used jaw; and he had the clearest impression that the thing had not been successful: that the extraction of the tooth was not the solution of the difficulty, but merely a premature catastrophe which only made matters worse.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Brecht had retreated. He was leaning against his instrument-cupboard, and he looked like death. He said: &#8220;The crown&#8212;I thought so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thomas Buddenbrook spat a little blood into the blue basin at his side, for the gum was lacerated. He asked, half-dazed: &#8220;What did you think? What about the crown?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The crown broke off, Herr Senator. I was afraid of it.&#8212;The tooth was in very bad condition. But it was my duty to make the experiment.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What next?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Leave it to me, Herr Senator.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What will you have to do now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Take out the roots. With a lever. There are four of them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Four. Then you must take hold and lift four times.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes&#8212;unfortunately.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, this is enough for to-day,&#8221; said the Senator. He started to rise, but remained seated and put his head back instead.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear Sir, you mustn't demand the impossible of me,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I'm not very strong on my legs, just now. I have had enough for to-day. Will you be so kind as to open the window a little?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Brecht did so. &#8220;It will be perfectly agreeable to me, Herr Senator, if you come in to-morrow or next day, at whatever hour you like, and we can go on with the operation. If you will permit me, I will just do a little more rinsing and pencilling, to reduce the pain somewhat.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He did the rinsing and pencilling, and then the Senator went. Herr Brecht accompanied him to the door, pale as death, expending his last remnant of strength in sympathetic shoulder-shruggings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One moment, please!&#8221; shrieked Josephus as they passed through the waiting-room. He still shrieked as Thomas Buddenbrook went down the steps.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With a lever&#8212;yes, yes, that was to-morrow. What should he do now? Go home and rest, sleep, if he could. The actual pain in the nerve seemed deadened; in his mouth was only a dull, heavy burning sensation. Home, then. He went slowly through the streets, mechanically exchanging greetings with those whom he met; his look was absent and wandering, as though he were absorbed in thinking how he felt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He got as far as Fishers' Lane and began to descend the left-hand sidewalk. After twenty paces he felt nauseated. &#8220;I'll go over to the public-house and take a drink of brandy,&#8221; he thought, and began to cross the road. But just as he reached the middle, something happened to him. It was precisely as if his brain was seized and swung around, faster and faster, in circles that grew smaller and smaller, until it crashed with enormous, brutal, pitiless force against a stony centre. He performed a half-turn, fell, and struck the wet pavement, his arms outstretched.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As the street ran steeply downhill, his body lay much lower than his feet. He fell upon his face, beneath which, presently, a little pool of blood began to form. His hat rolled a little way off down the road; his fur coat was wet with mud and slush; his hands, in their white kid gloves, lay outstretched in a puddle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus he lay, and thus he remained, until some people came down the street and turned him over.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Frau Permaneder mounted the main staircase, holding up her gown in front of her with one hand and with the other pressing her muff to her cheek. She tripped and stumbled more than she walked; her cheeks were flushed, her capote sat crooked on her head, and little beads stood on her upper lip.... Though she met no one, she talked continually as she hurried up, in whispers out of which now and then a word rose clear and audible and emphasized her fear. &#8220;It's nothing,&#8221; she said. &#8220;It doesn't mean anything. God wouldn't let anything happen. He knows what he's doing, I'm very sure of that.... Oh, my God, I'll pray every day&#8212;&#8221; She prattled senselessly in her fear, as she rushed up to the second storey and down the corridor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The door of the ante-chamber opened, and her sister-in-law came toward her. Gerda Buddenbrook's lovely white face was quite distorted with horror and disgust; and her close-set, blue-shadowed brown eyes opened and shut with a look of anger, distraction, and shrinking. As she recognized Frau Permaneder, she beckoned quickly with outstretched arms and embraced her, putting her head on her sister-in-law's shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gerda! Gerda! What is it?&#8221; Frau Permaneder cried. &#8220;What has happened? What does it mean? They said he fell&#8212;unconscious? How is he?&#8212;God won't let the worst happen, I know. Tell me, for pity's sake!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the reply did not come at once. She only felt how Gerda's whole form was shaken. Then she heard a whisper at her shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How he looked,&#8221; she heard, &#8220;when they brought him! His whole life long, he never let any one see even a speck of dust on him.&#8212;Oh, it is insulting, it is vile, for the end to have come like that!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Subdued voices came out to them. The dressing-room door opened, and Ida Jungmann stood in the doorway in a white apron, a basin in her hands. Her eyes were red. She looked at Frau Permaneder and made way, her head bent. Her chin was trembling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The high flowered curtains stirred in the draught as Tony, followed by her sister-in-law, entered the chamber. The smell of carbolic, ether, and other drugs met them. In the wide mahogany bed, under the red down coverlet, lay Thomas Buddenbrook, on his back, undressed and clad in an embroidered nightshirt. His half-open eyes were rolled up; his lips were moving under the disordered moustaches, and babbling, gurgling sounds came out. Young Dr. Langhals was bending over him, changing a bloody bandage for a fresh one, which he dipped into a basin at the bedside. Then he listened at the patient's chest and felt his pulse.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the bed-clothes at the foot of the bed sat little Johann, clutching his sailor's knot and listening broodingly to the sounds behind him, which his father was making. The Senator's bemired clothing hung over a chair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder cowered down at the bedside, seized one of her brother's hands&#8212;it was cold and heavy&#8212;and stared wildly into his face. She began to understand that, whether God knew what he was doing or not, he was at all events bent on &#8220;the worst&#8221;!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tom!&#8221; she clamoured, &#8220;do you know me? How are you? You aren't going to leave us? You won't go away from us? Oh, it &lt;i&gt;can't&lt;/i&gt; be!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nothing answered her, that could be called an answer. She looked imploringly up at Dr. Langhals. He stood there with his beautiful eyes cast down; and his manner, not without a certain self-satisfaction, expressed the will of God.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ida Jungmann came back into the room, to make herself useful if she could. Old Dr. Grabow appeared in person, looked at the patient with his long, mild face, shook his head, pressed all their hands, and then stood as Dr. Langhals stood. The news had gone like the wind through the whole town. The vestibule door rang constantly, and inquiries after the Senator's condition came up into the sick-chamber. It was unchanged&#8212;unchanged. Every one received the same answer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The two physicians were in favour of sending for a sister of charity&#8212;at least for the night. They sent for Sister Leandra, and she came. There was no trace of surprise or alarm in her face as she entered. Again she laid aside her leather bag, her outer hood and cloak, and again she set to work in her gentle way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Little Johann sat hour after hour on the bed-clothes, watching everything and listening to the gurgling noises. He was to have gone to an arithmetic lesson; but he understood perfectly that what was happening here was something over which the worsted-coats had no jurisdiction. He thought of his lessons only for a moment, and with scorn. He wept, sometimes, when Frau Permaneder came up and pressed him to her; but mostly he sat dry-eyed, with a shrinking, brooding gaze, and his breath came irregularly and cautiously, as if he expected any moment to smell that strange and yet familiar smell.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Toward four o'clock Frau Permaneder took a sudden resolve. She asked Dr. Langhals to come with her into the next room; and there she folded her arms and laid back her head, with the chin dropped.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Herr Doctor,&#8221; she said, &#8220;there is one thing you can do, and I beg you to do it. Tell me the truth. I am a woman steeled by adversity; I have learned to bear the truth. You may depend upon me. Please tell me plainly: Will my brother be alive to-morrow?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dr. Langhals turned his beautiful eyes aside, looked at his fingernails, and spoke of our human powerlessness, and the impossibility of knowing whether Frau Permaneder's brother would outlive the night, or whether he would be called away the next minute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then I know what I have to do,&#8221; said she; went out of the room; and sent for Pastor Pringsheim.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pastor Pringsheim appeared, without his vestments or neck-ruff, in a long black gown. He swept Sister Leandra with an icy stare, and seated himself in the chair which they placed for him by the bedside. He asked the patient to recognize and hear him. Then, as this appeal was unsuccessful, he addressed himself at once to God and prayed in carefully modulated tones, with his Frankish pronunciation, with emphasis now solemn and now abrupt, while waves of fanaticism and sanctimony followed each other across his face. He pronounced his &lt;i&gt;r&lt;/i&gt; in a sleek and oily way peculiar to himself alone, and little Johann received an irresistible impression that he had just been eating rolls and coffee.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He said that he and the family there present no longer importuned God for the life of this dear and beloved sufferer, for they saw plainly that it was God's will to take him to Himself. They only begged Him for the mercy of a gentle death. And then he recited, appropriately and with effect, two of the prayers customary on such occasions. Then he got up. He pressed Gerda Buddenbrook's hand, and Frau Permaneder's, and held little Johann's head for a moment between both his hands, regarding the drooping eyelashes with an expression of the most fervent pity. He saluted Ida Jungmann, stared again at Sister Leandra, and took his leave.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dr. Langhals had gone home for a little. When he came back there had been no change. He spoke with the nurse, and went again. Dr. Grabow came once more, to see that everything was being done. Thomas Buddenbrook went on babbling and gurgling, with his eyes rolled up. Twilight was falling. There was a pale winter glow at sunset, and it shone through the window upon the soiled clothing lying across the chair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At five o'clock Frau Permaneder let herself be carried away by her feelings, and committed an indiscretion. She suddenly began to sing, in her throaty voice, her hands folded before her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, Lord,&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
she sang, quite loud, and they all listened without stirring.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, Lord, receive his failing breath;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Strengthen his hands and feet, and lead him unto death.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But in the devoutness of her prayer, she thought only of the words as they welled up from her heart, and forgot that she did not know the whole stanza; after the third line she was left hanging in the air, and had to make up for her abrupt end by the increased dignity of her manner. Everybody shivered with embarrassment. Little Johann coughed so hard that the coughs sounded like sobs. And then, in the sudden pause, there was no sound but the agonizing gurgles of Thomas Buddenbrook.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a relief when the servant announced that there was something to eat in the next room. But they had only begun, sitting in Gerda's bedroom, to take a little soup, when Sister Leandra appeared in the doorway and quietly beckoned.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Senator was dying. He hiccoughed gently two or three times, was silent, and ceased to move his lips. That was the only change. His eyes had been quite dead before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dr. Langhals, who was on the spot a few minutes later, put the black stethoscope to the heart, listened, and, after this scientific test, said &#8220;Yes, it is over.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Sister Leandra, with the forefinger of her gentle white hand, softly closed the eyes of the dead.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then Frau Permaneder flung herself down on her knees by the bed, pressed her face into the coverlet, and wept aloud, surrendering herself utterly and without restraint to one of those refreshing bursts of feeling which her happy nature had always at its command. Her face still streamed with tears, but she was soothed and comforted and entirely herself as she rose to her feet and began straightway to occupy her mind with the announcements of the death&#8212;an enormous number of elegant cards, which must be ordered at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian appeared. He had heard the news of the Senator's stroke in the club, which he had left at once. But he was so afraid of seeing some awful sight that he went instead for a long walk outside the walls, and was not to be found. Now, however, he came in, and on the threshold heard of his brother's death.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It isn't possible,&#8221; he said, and limped up the stairs, his eyes rolling wildly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He stood at the bedside between his sister and his sister-in-law; with his bald head, his sunken cheeks, his drooping moustaches, and his huge beaked nose, he stood there on his bent legs, looking a little like an interrogation-point, and gazed with his little round deep eyes into his brother's face, as it lay so silent, so cold, so detached and inaccessible. The corners of Thomas's mouth were drawn down in an expression almost scornful. Here he lay, at whom once Christian had flung the reproach that he was too heartless to weep at a brother's death. He was dead now himself: he had simply withdrawn, silent, elegant, and irreproachable, into the hereafter. He had, as so often in his life, left it to others to feel put in the wrong. No matter now, whether he had been right or wrong in his cold and scornful indifference toward his brother's afflictions, the &#8220;misery,&#8221; the nodding man, the spirit-bottle, the open window. None of that mattered now; for death, with arbitrary and incomprehensible partiality, had singled him out, and taken him up, and given him an awesome dignity and importance. And yet Death had rejected Christian, had held him off, and would not have him at any price&#8212;would only keep on making game of him and mocking him with all these tricks and antics which nobody took seriously. Never in his life had Thomas Buddenbrook so impressed his brother as at this hour. Success is so definite, so conclusive! Death alone can make others respect our sufferings; and through death the most pitiable sufferings acquire dignity. &#8220;You have won&#8212;I give in,&#8221; Christian thought. He knelt on one knee, with a sudden awkward gesture, and kissed the cold hand on the coverlet. Then he stepped back and moved about the room, his eyes darting back and forth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Other visitors came&#8212;the old Kr&#246;gers, the Misses Buddenbrook, old Herr Marcus. Poor Clothilde, lean and ashen, stood by the bed; her face was apathetic, and she folded her hands in their worsted gloves. &#8220;You must not think, Tony and Gerda,&#8221; said she, and her voice dragged very much, &#8220;that I've no feeling because I don't weep. The truth is, I have no more tears.&#8221; And as she stood there, incredibly dry and withered, it was evident that she spoke the truth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then they all left the room to make way for an elderly female, an unpleasant old creature with a toothless, mumbling jaw, who had come to help Sister Leandra wash and dress the corpse.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gerda Buddenbrook, Frau Permaneder, Christian, and little Johann sat under the big gas-lamp around the centre-table in the living-room, and worked industriously until far on into the evening. They were addressing envelopes and making a list of people who ought to receive announcements. Now and then somebody thought of another name. Hanno had to help, too; his handwriting was plain, and there was need of haste.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was still in the house and in the street. The gas-lamp made a soft hissing noise; somebody murmured a name; the papers rustled. Sometimes they looked at each other and remembered what had happened.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder scratched busily. But regularly once every five minutes she would put down her pen, lift her clasped hands up to her mouth, and break out in lamentations. &#8220;I can't realize it!&#8221; she would cry&#8212;meaning that she was gradually beginning to realize. &#8220;It is the end of everything,&#8221; she burst out another time, in sheer despair, and flung her arms around her sister-in-law's neck with loud weeping. After each outburst she was strengthened, and took up her work again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With Christian it was as with poor Clothilde. He had not shed a tear&#8212;which fact rather mortified him. It was true, too, that his constant preoccupation with his own condition had used him up emotionally and made him insensitive. Now and then he would start up, rub his hand over his bald brow, and murmur, &#8220;Yes, it's frightfully sad.&#8221; He said it to himself, with strong self-reproach, and did his best to make his eyes water.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly something happened to startle them all: little Johann began to laugh. He was copying a list of names, and had found one with such a funny sound that he could not resist it. He said it aloud and snorted through his nose, bent over, sobbed, and could not control himself. The grown people looked at him in bewildered incredulity; and his mother sent him up to bed.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IX&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Senator Buddenbrook had died of a bad tooth. So it was said in the town. But goodness, people don't die of a bad tooth! He had had a toothache; Herr Brecht had broken off the crown; and thereupon the Senator had simply fallen in the street. Was ever the like heard?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But however it had happened, that was no longer the point. What had next to be done was to send wreaths&#8212;large, expensive wreaths which would do the givers credit and be mentioned in the paper: wreaths which showed that they came from people with sympathetic hearts and long purses. They were sent. They poured in from all sides, from organizations, from families and individuals: laurel wreaths, wreaths of heavily-scented flowers, silver wreaths, wreaths with black bows or bows with the colours of the City on them, or dedications printed in heavy black type or gilt lettering. And palms&#8212;simply quantities of palms.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The flower-shops did an enormous business, not least among them being Iwersen's, opposite the Buddenbrook mansion. Frau Iwersen rang many times in the day at the vestibule door, and handed in arrangements in all shapes and styles, from Senator This or That, or Consul So-and-So, from office staffs and civil servants. On one of these visits she asked if she might go up and see the Senator a minute. Yes, of course, she was told; and she followed Frau Permaneder up the main staircase, gazing silently at its magnificence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She went up heavily, for she was, as usual, expecting. Her looks had grown a little common with the years; but the narrow black eyes and the Malay cheek-bones had not lost their charm. One could still see that she must once have been exceedingly pretty. She was admitted into the salon, where Thomas Buddenbrook lay upon his bier.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He lay in the centre of the large, light room, the furniture of which had been removed, amid the white silk linings of his coffin, dressed in white silk, shrouded in white silk, in a thick and stupefying mingling of odours from the tube-roses, violets, roses, and other flowers with which he was surrounded. At his head, in a half-circle of silver candelabra, stood the pedestal draped in mourning, supporting the marble copy of Thorwaldsen's Christ. The wreaths, garlands, baskets, and bunches stood or lay along the walls, on the floor, and on the coverlet. Palms stood around the bier and drooped over the feet of the dead. The skin of his face was abraded in spots, and the nose was bruised. But his hair was dressed with the tongs, as in life, and his moustache, too, had been drawn through the tongs for the last time by old Herr Wenzel, and stuck out stiff and straight beyond his white cheeks. His head was turned a little to one side, and an ivory cross was stuck between the folded hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Iwersen remained near the door, and looked thence, blinking, over to the bier. Only when Frau Permaneder, in deep black, with a cold in her head from much weeping, came from the living-room through the porti&#232;res and invited Frau Iwersen to come nearer, did she dare to venture a little farther forward on the parquetry floor. She stood with her hands folded across her prominent abdomen, and looked about her with her narrow black eyes: at the plants, the candelabra, the bows and the wreaths, the white silk, and Thomas Buddenbrook's face. It would be hard to describe the expression on the pale, blurred features of the pregnant woman. Finally she said &#8220;Yes&#8212;&#8221; sobbed just once, a brief confused sound, and turned away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Permaneder loved these visits. She never stirred from the house, but superintended with tireless zeal the homage that pressed about the earthly husk of her departed brother. She read the newspaper articles aloud many times in her throaty voice: those same newspapers which at the time of the jubilee had paid tribute to her brother's merits, now mourned the irreparable loss of his personality. She stood at Gerda's side to receive the visits of condolence in the living-room and there was no end of these; their name was legion. She held conferences with various people about the funeral, which must of course be conducted in the most refined manner. She arranged farewells: she had the office staff come in a body to bid their chief good-bye. The workmen from the granaries came too. They shuffled their huge feet along the parquetry floor, drew down the corners of their mouths to show their respect, and emanated an odour of chewing tobacco, spirits, and physical exertion. They looked at the dead lying in his splendid state, twirled their caps, first admired and then grew restive, until at length one of them found courage to go, and the whole troop followed shuffling on his heels. Frau Permaneder was enchanted. She asserted that some of them had tears running down into their beards. This simply was not the fact; but she saw it, and it made her happy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The day of the funeral dawned. The metal casket was hermetically sealed and covered with flowers, the candles burned in their silver holders, the house filled with people, and, surrounded by mourners from near and far, Pastor Pringsheim stood at the head of the coffin in upright majesty, his impressive head resting upon his ruff as on a dish.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A high-shouldered functionary, a brisk intermediate something between a waiter and a major-domo, had in charge the outward ordering of the solemnity. He ran with the softest speed down the staircase and called in a penetrating whisper across the entry, which was filled to overflowing with tax-commissioners in uniform and grain-porters in blouses, knee-breeches, and tall hats: &#8220;The rooms are full, but there is a little room left in the corridor.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then everything was hushed. Pastor Pringsheim began to speak. He filled the whole house with the rolling periods of his exquisitely modulated, sonorous voice. He stood there near the figure of Thorwaldsen's Christ and wrung his hands before his face or spread them out in blessing; while below in the street, before the house door, beneath a white wintry sky, stood the hearse drawn by four black horses, with the other carriages in a long row behind it. A company of soldiers with grounded arms stood in two rows opposite the house door, with Lieutenant von Throta at their head. He held his drawn sword on his arm and looked up at the bow-window with his brilliant eyes. Many people were craning their necks from windows nearby or standing on the pavements to look.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At length there was a stir in the vestibule, the lieutenant's muffled word of command sounded, the soldiers presented arms with a rattle of weapons, Herr von Throta let his sword sink, and the coffin appeared. It swayed cautiously forth of the house door, borne by the four men in black cloaks and cocked hats, and a gust of perfume came with it, wafted over the heads of bystanders. The breeze ruffled the black plumes on top of the hearse, tossed the manes of the horses standing in line down to the river, and dishevelled the mourning hat-scarves of the coachmen and grooms. Enormous single flakes of snow drifted down from the sky in long slanting curves.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The horses attached to the hearse, all in black trappings so that only their restless rolling eyeballs could be seen, now slowly got in motion. The hearse moved off, led by the four black servants. The company of soldiers fell in behind, and one after another the coaches followed on. Christian Buddenbrook and the pastor got into the first; little Johann sat in the second, with a well-fed Hamburg relative. And slowly, slowly, with mournful long-drawn pomp, Thomas Buddenbrook's funeral train wound away, while the flags at half-mast on all the houses flapped before the wind. The office staff and the grain-porters followed on foot.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The casket, with the mourners behind, followed the well-known cemetery paths, past crosses and statues and chapels and bare weeping-willows, to the Buddenbrook family lot, where the military guard of honour already stood, and presented arms again. A funeral march sounded in subdued and solemn strains from behind the shrubbery.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Once more the heavy gravestone, with the family arms in relief, had been moved to one side; and once more the gentlemen of the town stood there, on the edge of the little grove, beside the abyss walled in with masonry into which Thomas Buddenbrook was now lowered to join his fathers. They stood there with bent heads, these worthy and well-to-do citizens: prominent among them were the Senators, in white gloves and cravats. Beyond them was the throng of officials, clerks, grain-porters, and warehouse labourers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The music stopped. Pastor Pringsheim spoke. While his voice, raised in blessing, still lingered on the air, everybody pressed round to shake hands with the brother and son of the deceased.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The ceremony was long and tedious. Christian Buddenbrook received all the condolences with his usual absent, embarrassed air. Little Johann stood by his side, in his heavy reefer jacket with the gilt buttons, and looked at the ground with his blue-shadowed eyes. He never looked up, but bent his head against the wind with a sensitive twist of all his features.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTELEVEN&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART ELEVEN&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It sometimes happens that we may recall this or that person whom we have not lately seen and wonder how he is. And then, with a start, we remember that he has disappeared from the stage, that his voice no longer swells the general concert&#8212;that he is, in short, departed from among us, and lies somewhere outside the walls, beneath the sod.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frau Consul Buddenbrook, she that was a St&#252;wing, Uncle Gotthold's widow, passed away. Death set his reconciling and atoning seal upon the brow of her who in her life had been the cause of such violent discord; and her three daughters, Friederike, Henriette, and Pfiffi, received the condolences of their relatives with an affronted air which seemed to say: &#8220;You see, your persecutions have at last brought her down to her grave!&#8221; As if the Frau Consul were not as old as the hills already!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Madame Kethelsen had gone to her long rest. In her later years she had suffered much from gout; but she died gently and simply, resting upon a childlike faith which was much envied by her educated sister, who had always had her periodic attacks of rationalistic doubt, and who, though she grew constantly smaller and more bent, was relentlessly bound by an iron constitution to this sinful earth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Consul Peter D&#246;hlmann was called away. He had eaten up all his money, and finally fell a prey to Hunyadi-Janos, leaving his daughter an income of two hundred marks a year. He depended upon the respect felt in the community for the name of D&#246;hlmann to insure her being admitted into the Order of St. John.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Justus Kr&#246;ger also departed this life, which was a loss, for now nobody was left to prevent his wife selling everything she owned to send money to the wretched Jacob, who was still leading a dissolute existence somewhere in the world.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Christian Buddenbrook had likewise disappeared from the streets of his native city. He would have been sought in vain within her walls. He had moved to Hamburg, less than a year after his brother's death, and there he united himself, before God and men, with Fr&#228;ulein Aline Puvogel, a lady with whom he had long stood in a close relationship. No one could now stop him. His inheritance from his mother, indeed, half the interest of which had always found its way to Hamburg, was managed by Herr Stephan Kistenmaker&#8212;in so far as it was not already spent in advance. Herr Kistenmaker, in fact, had been appointed administrator by the terms of his deceased friend's will. But in all other respects Christian was his own master. Directly the marriage became known, Frau Permaneder addressed to Frau Aline Buddenbrook in Hamburg a long and extraordinarily violent letter, beginning &#8220;Madame!&#8221; and declaring in carefully poisoned words that she had absolutely no intention of recognizing as a relative either the person addressed or any of her children.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Kistenmaker was executor and administrator of the Buddenbrook estate and guardian of little Johann. He held these offices in high regard. They were an important activity which justified him in rubbing his head on the Bourse with every indication of overwork and telling everybody that he was simply wearing himself out. Besides, he received two per cent. of the revenues, very punctually. But he was not too successful in the performance of his duties, and Gerda Buddenbrook soon had reason to feel dissatisfied.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The business was to close, the firm to go into liquidation, and the estate to be settled within a year. This was Thomas Buddenbrook's wish, as expressed in his will. Frau Permaneder felt much upset. &#8220;And Hanno? And little Johann&#8212;what about Hanno?&#8221; She was disappointed and grieved that her brother had passed over his son and heir and had not wished to keep the firm alive for him to step into. She wept for hours to think that one should dispose thus summarily of that honourable shield, that jewel cherished by four generations of Buddenbrooks: that the history of the firm was now to close, while yet there existed a direct heir to carry it on. But she finally consoled herself by thinking that the end of the firm was not, after all, the end of the family, and that her nephew might as easily, in a new and different career, perform the high task allotted to him&#8212;that task being to carry on the family name and add fresh lustre to the family reputation. It could not be in vain that he possessed so much likeness to his great-grandfather.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The liquidation of the business began, under the auspices of Herr Kistenmaker and old Herr Marcus; and it took a most deplorable course. The time was short, and it must be punctiliously kept to. The pending business was disposed of on hurried and unfavourable terms. One precipitate and disadvantageous sale followed another. The granaries and warehouses were turned into money at a great loss; and what was not lost by Herr Kistenmaker's over-zealousness was wasted by the procrastination of old Herr Marcus. In town they said that the old man, before he left his house in winter warmed not only his coat and hat, but his walking-stick as well. If ever a favourable opportunity arose, he invariably let it slip through his fingers. And so the losses piled up. Thomas Buddenbrook had left, on paper, an estate of six hundred and fifty thousand marks. A year after the will was opened it had become abundantly clear that there was no question of such a sum.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Indefinite, exaggerated rumours of the unfavourable liquidation got about, and were fed by the news that Gerda Buddenbrook meant to sell the great house. Wonderful stories flew about, of the reasons which obliged her to take such a step; of the collapse of the Buddenbrook fortune. Things were thought to look very badly: and a feeling began to grow up in the town, of which the widowed Frau Senator became aware, at first with surprise and astonishment, and then with growing anger. When she told her sister-in-law, one day, that she had been pressed in an unpleasant way for the payment of some considerable accounts, Frau Permaneder had at first been speechless, and then had burst out into frightful laughter. Gerda Buddenbrook was so outraged that she expressed a half-determination to leave the city for ever with little Johann and go back to Amsterdam to play duets with her old father. But this called forth such a storm of protest from Frau Permaneder that she was obliged to give up the plan for the time being.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As was to be expected, Frau Permaneder protested against the sale of the house which her brother had built. She bewailed the bad impression it would make and complained of the blow it would deal the family prestige. But she had to grant that it would be folly to continue to keep up the spacious and splendid dwelling that had been Thomas Buddenbrook's costly hobby, and that Gerda's idea of a comfortable little villa outside the wall, in the country, had, after all, much to commend it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A great day dawned for Siegismund Gosch the broker. His old age was illumined by an event so stupendous that for many hours it held his knees from trembling. It came about that he sat in Gerda Buddenbrook's salon, in an easy-chair, opposite her and discussed t&#234;te-&#224;-t&#234;te the price of her house. His snow-white locks streamed over his face, his chin protruded grimly, he succeeded for once in looking thoroughly hump-backed. He hissed when he talked, but his manners were cold and businesslike, and nothing betrayed the emotions of his soul. He bound himself to take over the house, stretched out his hand, smiled cunningly, and bid eighty-five thousand marks&#8212;which was a possible offer, for some loss would certainly have to be taken in this sale. But Herr Kistenmaker's opinion must be heard; and Gerda Buddenbrook had to let Herr Gosch go without making the bargain. Then it appeared that Herr Kistenmaker was not minded to allow any interference in what he considered his prerogative. He mistrusted Herr Gosch's offer; he laughed at it, and swore that he could easily get much more. He continued to swear this, until at length he was forced to dispose of the property for seventy-five thousand marks to an elderly spinster who had returned from extended travel and decided to settle in the town.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Kistenmaker also arranged for the purchase of the new house, a pleasant little villa for which he paid rather too high a price, but which was about what Gerda Buddenbrook wanted. It lay outside the Castle Gate, on a chestnut-bordered avenue; and thither, in the autumn of the year 1876, the Frau Senator moved with her son, her servants, and a part of her household goods&#8212;the remainder, to Frau Permaneder's great distress, being left behind to pass into the possession of the elderly gentlewoman.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As if these were not changes enough, Mamsell Jungmann, after forty years in the service of the Buddenbrook family, left it to return to her native West Prussia to live out the evening of her life. To tell the truth, she was dismissed by the Frau Senator. This good soul had taken up with little Johann when the previous generation had outgrown her. She had cherished him fondly, read him fairy stories, and told him about the uncle who died of hiccoughs. But now little Johann was no longer small. He was a lad of fifteen years, to whom, despite his lack of strength, she could no longer be of much service; and with his mother her relations had not for a long time been on a very comfortable footing. She had never been able to think of this lady, who had entered the family so much later than herself, as a proper Buddenbrook; and of late she had begun, with the freedom of an old servant, to arrogate to herself exaggerated authority. She stirred up dissension in the household by this or that encroachment; the position became untenable; there were disagreements&#8212;and though Frau Permaneder made an impassioned plea in her behalf, as for the old house and the furniture, old Ida had to go.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She wept bitterly when the hour came to bid little Johann farewell. He put his arms about her and embraced her. Then, with his hands behind his back, resting his weight on one leg while the other poised on the tips of the toes, he watched her out of sight; his face wore the same brooding, introspective look with which he had stood at his father's death-bed, and his grandmother's bier, witnessed the breaking-up of the great household, and shared in so many events of the same kind, though of lesser outward significance. The departure of old Ida belonged to the same category as other events with which he was already familiar: breakings-up, closings, endings, disintegrations&#8212;he had seen them all. Such events did not disturb him&#8212;they had never disturbed him. But he would lift his head, with the curling light-brown hair, inflate one delicate nostril, and it was as if he cautiously sniffed the air about him, expecting to perceive that odour, that strange and yet familiar odour which, at his grandmother's bier, not all the scent of the flowers had been able to disguise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Frau Permaneder visited her sister-in-law, she would draw her nephew to her and tell him of the Buddenbrook family past, and of that future for which, next to the mercy of God, they would have to thank little Johann. The more depressing the present appeared, the more she strove to depict the elegance of the life that went on in the houses of her parents and grandparents; and she would tell Hanno how his great-grandfather had driven all over the country with his carriage and four horses. One day she had a severe attack of cramps in the stomach because Friederike, Henriette, and Pfiffi had asserted that the Hagenstr&#246;ms were the cr&#234;me de la cr&#234;me of town society.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Bad news came of Christian. His marriage seemed not to have improved his health. He had become more and more subject to uncanny delusions and morbid hallucinations, until finally his wife had acted upon the advice of a physician and had him put into an institution. He was unhappy there, and wrote pathetic letters to his relatives, expressive of a fervent desire to leave the establishment, where, it seemed, he was none too well treated. But they kept him shut up, and it was probably the best thing for him. It also put his wife in a position to continue her former independent existence without prejudice to her status as a married woman or to the practical advantages accruing from her marriage.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The alarm-clock went off with cruel alacrity. It was a hoarse rattling and clattering that it made, rather than a ringing, for it was old and worn out; but it kept on for a painfully long time, for it had been thoroughly wound up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno Buddenbrook was startled to his inmost depths. It was like this every morning. His very entrails rebelled, in rage, protest, and despair, at the onslaught of this at once cruel and faithful monitor standing on the bedside table close to his ear. However, he did not get up, or even change his position in the bed; he only wrenched himself away from some blurred dream of the early morning and opened his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was perfectly dark in the wintry room. He could distinguish nothing, not even the hands on the clock. But he knew it was six o'clock, because last night he had set his alarm for six. Last night&#8212; And as he lay on his back, with his nerves rasped by the shock of waking, struggling for sufficient resolution to make a light and jump out of bed, everything that had filled his mind yesterday came gradually back into his consciousness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was Sunday evening; and after having been maltreated by Herr Brecht for several days on end, he had been taken as a reward to a performance of &lt;i&gt;Lohengrin&lt;/i&gt;. He had looked forward for a whole week to this evening with a joy which absorbed his entire existence. Only, it was a pity that on such occasions the full pleasure of the anticipation had to be marred by disagreeable commonplaces that went on up to the very last minute. But at length Saturday came, school was over for the week, and Herr Brecht's little drill had bored and buzzed away in the mouth for the last time. Now everything was out of the way and done with&#8212;for he had obstinately put off his preparation for Monday until after the opera. What was Monday to him? Was it likely it would ever dawn? Who believes in Monday, when he is to hear &lt;i&gt;Lohengrin&lt;/i&gt; on Sunday evening? He would get up early on Monday and get the wretched stuff done&#8212;and that was all there was to it. Thus he went about free from care, fondled the coming joy in his heart, dreamed at his piano, and forgot all unpleasantness to come.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And then the dream became reality. It came over him with all its enchantment and consecration, all its secret revelations and tremors, its sudden inner emotion, its extravagant, unquenchable intoxication. It was true that the music of the overture was rather too much for the cheap violins in the orchestra; and the fat conceited-looking Lohengrin with straw-coloured hair came in rather hind side foremost in his little boat. And his guardian, Herr Stephan Kistenmaker, had sat in the next box and grumbled about the boy's being taken away from his lessons and having his mind distracted like that. But the sweet, exalted splendour of the music had borne him away upon its wings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The end had come at length. The singing, shimmering joy was quenched and silent. He had found himself back home in his room, with a burning head and the consciousness that only a few hours of sleep, there in his bed, separated him from dull everyday existence. And he had been overpowered by an attack of the complete despondency which was all too familiar an experience. Again he had learned that beauty can pierce one like a pain, and that it can sink profoundly into shame and a longing despair that utterly consume the courage and energy necessary to the life of every day. His despondency weighed him down like mountains, and once more he told himself, as he had done before, that this was more than his own individual burden of weaknesses that rested upon him: that his burden was one which he had borne upon his soul from the beginning of time, and must one day sink under at last.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had wound the alarm-clock and gone to sleep&#8212;and slept that dead and heavy sleep that comes when one wishes never to awake again. And now Monday was here, and he had not prepared a single lesson.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sat up and lighted the bedside candle. But his arms and shoulders felt so cold that he lay down again and pulled up the covers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The hand pointed to ten minutes after six. Oh, it was absurd to get up now! He should hardly have time to make a beginning, for there was preparation in nearly every lesson. And the time he had fixed was already past. Was it as certain, then, as it had seemed to him yesterday that he would be called up in Latin and Chemistry? It was certainly to be expected&#8212;in all human probability it would happen. The names at the end of the alphabet had lately been called in the Ovid class, and presumably they would begin again at the beginning. But, after all, it wasn't so absolutely certain, beyond a peradventure&#8212;there were exceptions to every rule. Chance sometimes worked wonders, he knew. He sank deeper and deeper into these false and plausible speculations; his thoughts began to run in together&#8212;he was asleep.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The little schoolboy bed-chamber, cold and bare, with the copper-plate of the Sistine Madonna over the bed, the extension-table in the middle, the untidy book-shelf, a stiff-legged mahogany desk, the harmonium, and the small wash-hand stand, lay silent in the flickering light of the candle. The window was covered with ice-crystals, and the blind was up in order that the light might come earlier. And Hanno slept, his cheek pressed into the pillow, his lips closed, the eyelashes lying close upon his cheek; he slept with an expression of the most utter abandonment to slumber, the soft, light-brown hair clustering about his temples. And slowly the candle-flame lost its reddish-yellow glow, as the pale, dun-coloured dawn stole into the room through the icy coating on the window-pane.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At seven he woke once more, with a start of fear. He must get up and take upon himself the burden of the day. There was no way out of it. Only a short hour now remained before school would begin. Time pressed; there was no thought of preparation now. And yet he continued to lie, full of exasperation and rebellion against this brutal compulsion that was upon him to forsake his warm bed in the frosty dawning and go out into the world, into contact with harsh and unfriendly people. &#8220;Oh, only two little tiny minutes more,&#8221; he begged of his pillow, in overwhelming tenderness. And then he gave himself a full five minutes more, out of sheer bravado, and closed his eyes, opening one from time to time to stare despairingly at the clock, which went stupidly on in its insensate, accurate way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ten minutes after seven o'clock, he tore himself out of bed and began to move about the room with frantic haste. He let the candle burn, for the daylight was not enough by itself. He breathed upon a crystal and, looking out, saw a thick mist abroad.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was unutterably cold, and a shiver sometimes shook his entire body. The ends of his fingers burned; they were so swollen that he could do nothing with the nail-brush. As he washed the upper parts of his body, his almost lifeless hand let fall the sponge, and he stood a moment stiff and helpless, steaming like a sweating horse.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last he was dressed. Dull-eyed and breathless, he stood at the table, collected his despairing senses with a jerk, and began to put together the books he was likely to need to-day, murmuring in an anguished voice: &#8220;Religion, Latin, chemistry,&#8221; and shuffling together the wretched ink-spotted paper volumes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, he was already quite tall, was little Johann. He was more than fifteen years old, and no longer wore a sailor costume, but a light-brown jacket suit with a blue-and-white spotted cravat. Over his waistcoat he wore a long, thin gold chain that had belonged to his grandfather, and on the fourth finger of his broad but delicately articulated right hand was the old seal ring with the green stone. It was his now. He pulled on his heavy winter jacket, put on his hat, snatched his school-bag, extinguished the candle, and dashed down the stair to the ground floor, past the stuffed bear, and into the dining-room on the right.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fr&#228;ulein Clementine, his mother's new factotum, a thin girl with curls on her forehead, a pointed nose, and short-sighted eyes, already sat at the breakfast-table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How late is it, really?&#8221; he asked between his teeth, though he already knew with great precision.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A quarter before eight,&#8221; she answered, pointing with a thin, red, rheumatic-looking hand at the clock on the wall. &#8220;You must get along, Hanno.&#8221; She set a steaming cup of cocoa before him, and pushed the bread and butter, salt, and an egg-cup toward his place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He said no more, clutched a roll, and began, standing, with his hat on and his bag under his arm, to swallow his cocoa. The hot drink hurt the back tooth which Herr Brecht had just been working at. He let half of it stand, pushed away the egg, and with a sound intended for an adieu ran out of the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was ten minutes to eight when he left the garden and the little brick villa behind him and dashed along the wintry avenue. Ten, nine, eight minutes more. And it was a long way. He could scarcely see for the fog. He drew it in with his breath and breathed it out again, this thick, icy cold fog, with all the power of his narrow chest; he stopped his still throbbing tooth with his tongue, and did fearful violence to his leg muscles. He was bathed in perspiration; yet he felt frozen in every limb. He began to have a stitch in his side. The morsel of breakfast revolted in his stomach against this morning jaunt which it was taking; he felt nauseated, and his heart fluttered and trembled so that it took away his breath.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Castle Gate&#8212;only the Castle Gate&#8212;and it was four minutes to eight! As he panted on through the streets, in an extremity of mingled pain, perspiration, and nausea, he looked on all sides for his fellow-pupils. No, there was no one else; they were all on the spot&#8212;and now it was beginning to strike eight. Bells were ringing all over the town, and the chimes of St. Mary's were playing, in celebration of this moment, &#8220;now let us all thank God.&#8221; They played half the notes falsely; they had no idea of rhythm, and they were badly in want of tuning. Thus Hanno, in the madness of despair. But what was that to him? He was late; there was no longer any room for doubt. The school clock was usually a little behind, but not enough to help him this time. He stared hopelessly into people's faces as they passed him. They were going to their offices or about their business; they were in no particular hurry; nothing was threatening them. Some of them looked at him and smiled at his distracted appearance and sulky looks. He was beside himself at these smiles. What were they smiling at, these comfortable, unhurried people? He wanted to shout after them and tell them their smiling was very uncivil. Perhaps &lt;i&gt;they&lt;/i&gt; would just enjoy falling down dead in front of the closed entrance gate of the school!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prolonged shrill ringing which was the signal for morning prayers struck on his ear while he was still twenty paces from the long red wall with the two cast-iron gates, which separated the court of the school-building from the street. He felt that his legs had no more power to advance: he simply let his body fall forward, the legs moved willy-nilly to prevent his stumbling, and thus he staggered on and arrived at the gate just as the bell had ceased ringing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Schlemiel, the porter, a heavy man with the face and rough beard of a labourer, was just about to close the gate. &#8220;Well!&#8221; he said, and let Buddenbrook slip through. Perhaps, perhaps, he might still be saved! What he had to do now was to slip unobserved into his classroom and wait there until the end of prayers, which were held in the drill-hall, and to act as if everything were in order. Panting, exhausted, in a cold perspiration, he slunk across the courtyard and through the folding doors with glass panes that divided it from the interior.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everything in the establishment was now new, clean, and adequate. The time had been ripe; and the grey, crumbling walls of the ancient monastic school had been levelled to the ground to make room for the spacious, airy, and imposing new building. The style of the whole had been preserved, and corridors and cloisters were still spanned by the fine old Gothic vaulting. But the lighting and heating arrangements, the ventilation of the classrooms, the comfort of the masters' rooms, the equipment of the halls for the teaching of chemistry, physics and design, all this had been carried out on the most modern lines with respect to comfort and sanitation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The exhausted Hanno stuck close to the wall and kept his eyes open as he stole along. Heaven be praised, the corridors were empty. He heard distantly the hubbub made by the hosts of masters and pupils going into the drill-hall, to receive there a little spiritual strengthening for the labours of the week. But here everything was empty and still, and his road up the broad linoleum-covered stairs lay free. He stole up cautiously on his tip-toes, holding his breath, straining his ears for sounds from above. His classroom, the lower second of the &lt;i&gt;Realschule&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb29&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Realschule &#8211; secondary school, high school&#034; id=&#034;nh29&#034;&gt;29&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, was in the first storey, opposite the stairs, and the door was open. Crouched on the top step, he peered down the long corridor, on both sides of which were the entrances to the various classrooms, with porcelain signs above them. Three rapid, noiseless steps forward&#8212;and he was in his own room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was empty. The curtains of the three large windows were still drawn, and the gas was burning in the chandelier with a soft hissing noise. Green shades diffused the light over the three rows of desks. These desks each had room for two pupils; they were made of light-coloured wood, and opposite them, in remote and edifying austerity, stood the master's platform with a blackboard behind it. A yellow wainscoting ran round the lower part of the wall, and above it the bare white-washed surface was decorated with a few maps. A second blackboard stood on an easel by the master's chair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno went to his place, which was nearly in the centre of the room. He stuffed his bag into the desk, sank upon the hard seat, laid his arms on the sloping lid, and rested his head upon them. He had a sensation of unspeakable relief. The room was bare, hard, hateful, and ugly; and the burden of the whole threatening forenoon, with its numerous perils, lay before him. But for the moment he was safe; he had saved his skin, and could take things as they came. The first lesson, Herr Ballerstedt's class in religious instruction, was comparatively harmless. He could see, by the vibration of the little strips of paper over the ventilator next the ceiling, that warm air was streaming in, and the gas, too, did its share to heat the room. He could actually stretch out here and feel his stiffened limbs slowly thawing. The heat mounted to his head: it was very pleasant, but not quite healthful; it made his ears buzz and his eyes heavy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A sudden noise behind him made him start and turn around. And behold, from behind the last bench rose the head and shoulders of Kai, Count M&#246;lln. He crawled out, did this young man, got up, shook himself, slapped his hands together to get the dust off, and came up to Hanno with a beaming face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, it's you, Hanno,&#8221; he said. &#8220;And I crawled back there because I took you for a piece of the faculty when you came in.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His voice cracked as he spoke, because it was changing, which Hanno's had not yet begun to do. He had kept pace with Hanno in his growth, but his looks had not altered, and he still wore a dingy suit of no particular colour, with a button or so missing and a big patch in the seat. His hands, too, were not quite clean; narrow and aristocratic-looking though they were, with long, slender fingers and tapering nails. But his brow was still pure as alabaster beneath the carelessly parted reddish-yellow hair that fell over it, and the glance of the sparkling blue eyes was as keen and as profound as ever. In fact, the contrast was even more striking between his neglected toilette and the racial purity of his face, with its delicate bony structure, slightly aquiline nose, and short upper lip, upon which the down was beginning to show.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Kai,&#8221; said Hanno, with a wry face, putting his hand to his heart. &#8220;How can you frighten me like that? What are you doing up here? Why are you hiding? Did you come late too?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dear me, no,&#8221; Kai said. &#8220;I've been here a long time. Though one doesn't much look forward to getting back to the old place, when Monday morning comes round. &lt;i&gt;You&lt;/i&gt; must know that yourself, old fellow. No, I only stopped up here to have a little game. The deep one seems to be able to reconcile it with his religion to hunt people down to prayers. Well, I get behind him, and I manage to keep close behind his back whichever way he turns, the old mystic! So in the end he goes off, and I can stop up here. But what about you?&#8221; he said sympathetically, sitting down beside Hanno on the bench. &#8220;You had to run, didn't you? Poor old chap! You look perfectly worn out. Your hair is sticking to your forehead.&#8221; He took a ruler from the table and carefully combed little Johann's hair with it. &#8220;You overslept, didn't you? Look,&#8221; he interrupted himself, &#8220;here I am sitting in the sacred seat of number one&#8212;Adolf Todtenhaupt's place! Well, it won't hurt me for once, I suppose. You overslept, didn't you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno had put his head down on his arms again. &#8220;I was at the opera last night,&#8221; he said, heaving a long sigh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Right&#8212;I'd forgot that. Well, was it beautiful?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He got no answer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are a lucky fellow, after all,&#8221; went on Kai perseveringly. &#8220;I've never been in the theatre, not a single time in my whole life, and there isn't the smallest prospect of my going&#8212;at least, not for years.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If only one did not have to pay for it afterwards,&#8221; said Hanno gloomily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The headache next morning&#8212;well, I know how that feels, anyhow.&#8221; Kai stooped and picked up his friend's coat and hat, which lay on the floor beside the bench, and carried them quietly out into the corridor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then I take for granted you haven't done the verses from the &lt;i&gt;Metamorphoses&lt;/i&gt;?&#8221; he asked as he came back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; said Hanno.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you prepared for the geography test?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I haven't done anything, and I don't know anything,&#8221; said Hanno.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not the chemistry nor the English, either? &lt;i&gt;Benissimo&lt;/i&gt;! Then there's a pair of us&#8212;brothers-in-arms,&#8221; said Kai, with obvious gratification. &#8220;I'm in exactly the same boat,&#8221; he announced jauntily. &#8220;I did no work Saturday, because the next day was Sunday; and I did no work on Sunday, because it was Sunday! No, nonsense, it was mostly because I'd something better to do.&#8221; He spoke with sudden earnestness, and a slight flush spread over his face. &#8220;Yes, perhaps it may be rather lively to-day, Hanno.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If I get only one more bad mark, I shan't go up,&#8221; said Johann; &#8220;and I'm sure to get it when I'm called up for Latin. The letter B comes next, Kai, so there's not much help for it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We shall see: What does Caesar say? &#8216;Dangers may threaten me in the rear; but when they see the front of Caesar&#8212;'&#8221; But Kai did not finish. He was feeling rather out of sorts himself; he went to the platform and sat down in the master's chair, where he began to rock back and forth, scowling. Hanno still sat with his forehead resting on his arms. So they remained for a while in silence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then, somewhere in the distance, a dull humming was heard, which quickly swelled to a tumult of voices, approaching, imminent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The mob,&#8221; said Kai, in an exasperated tone. &#8220;Goodness, how fast they got through. They haven't taken up ten minutes of the period!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He got down from the platform and went to the door to mingle with the incoming stream. Hanno, for his part, lifted up his head for a minute, screwed up his mouth, and remained seated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stamping, shuffling, with a confusion of masculine voices, treble and falsetto, they flooded up the steps and over the corridor. The classroom suddenly became full of noise and movement. This was the lower second form of the &lt;i&gt;Realschule&lt;/i&gt;, some twenty-five strong, comrades of Hanno and Kai. They loitered to their places with their hands in their pockets or dangling their arms, sat down, and opened their Bibles. Some of the faces were pleasant, strong, and healthy; others were doubtful or suspicious-looking. Here were tall, stout, lusty rascals who would soon go to sea or else begin a mercantile career, and who had no further interest in their school life; and small, ambitious lads, far ahead of their age, who were brilliant in subjects that could be got by heart. Adolf Todtenhaupt was the head boy. He knew everything. In all his school career he had never failed to answer a question. Part of his reputation was due to his silent, impassioned industry; but part was also due to the fact that the masters were careful not to ask him anything he might not know. It would have pained and mortified them and shaken their faith in human perfectibility to have Adolf Todtenhaupt fail to answer. He had a head full of remarkable bumps, to which his blond hair clung as smooth as glass; grey eyes with black rings beneath them, and long brown hands that stuck out beneath the too short sleeves of his neatly brushed jacket. He sat down next Hanno Buddenbrook with a mild, rather sly smile, and bade his neighbour good morning in the customary jargon, which reduced the greeting to a single careless monosyllable. Then he began to employ himself silently with the class register, holding his pen in a way that was incomparably correct, with the slender fingers outstretched; while about him people yawned, laughed, conned their lessons, and chattered half aloud.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After two minutes there were steps outside. The front rows of pupils rose, and some of those seated farther back followed their example. The rest scarcely interrupted what they were doing as Herr Ballerstedt came into the room, hung his hat on the door, and betook himself to the platform.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was a man in the forties, with a pleasant &lt;i&gt;embonpoint&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb30&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;embonpoint &#8211; portliness&#034; id=&#034;nh30&#034;&gt;30&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, a large bald spot, a short beard, a rosy complexion, and a mingled expression of unctuousness and sensuality on his humid lips. He took out his notebook and turned over the leaves in silence; but as the order in the classroom left much to be desired, he lifted his head, stretched out his arm over the desk, and waved his flabby white fist a few times powerlessly in the air. His face grew slowly red&#8212;such a dark red that his beard looked pale-yellow by contrast. He moved his lips and struggled spasmodically and fruitlessly for half a minute to speak, and finally brought out a single syllable, a short, suppressed grunt that sounded like &#8220;Well!&#8221; He still struggled after further expression, but in the end gave it up, returned to his notebook, calmed down, and became quite composed once more. This was Herr Ballerstedt's way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had intended to be a priest; but on account of his tendency to stutter and his leaning toward the good things of life he had become a pedagogue instead. He was a bachelor of some means, wore a small diamond on his finger, and was much given to eating and drinking. He was the head master who associated with his fellow masters only in working hours; and outside them he spent his time chiefly with the bachelor society of the town&#8212;yes, even with the officers of the garrison. He ate twice a day in the best hotel and was a member of the club. If he met any of his elder pupils in the streets, late at night or at two or three o'clock in the morning, he would puff up the way he did in the classroom, fetch out a &#8220;Good morning,&#8221; and let the matter rest there, on both sides. From this master Hanno Buddenbrook had nothing to fear and was almost never called up by him. Herr Ballerstedt had been too often associated with Hanno's Uncle Christian in all too purely human affairs, to make him inclined to conflict with Johann in an official capacity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well,&#8221; he said, looked about him once more, waved his flabby fist with the diamond upon it, and glanced into his notebook. &#8220;Perlemann, the synopsis.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Somewhere in the class, up rose Perlemann. One could hardly see that he had risen; he was one of the small and forward ones. &#8220;The synopsis,&#8221; he said, softly and politely, craning his neck forward with a nervous smile. &#8220;The Book of Job falls into three sections. First, the condition of Job before he fell under the chastening of the Lord: Chapter One, Verses one to six: second, the chastening itself, and its consequences, Chapter&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Right, Perlemann,&#8221; interrupted Herr Ballerstedt, touched by so much modesty and obligingness. He put down a good mark in his book. &#8220;Continue, Heinricy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Heinricy was one of the tall rascals who gave themselves no trouble over anything. He shoved the knife he had been playing with into his pocket, and got up noisily, with his lower lip hanging, and coughing in a gruff voice. Nobody was pleased to have him called up after the gentle Perlemann. The pupils sat drowsing in the warm room, some of them half asleep, soothed by the purring sound of the gas. They were all tired after the holiday; they had all crawled out of warm beds that morning with their teeth chattering, groaning in spirit. And they would have preferred to have the gentle Perlemann drone on for the remainder of the period. Heinricy was almost sure to make trouble.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I wasn't here when we had this,&#8221; he said, none too respectfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Ballerstedt puffed himself up, waved his fist, struggled to speak, and stared young Heinricy in the face with his eyebrows raised. His head shook with the effort he made; but he finally managed to bring out a &#8220;Well!&#8221; and the spell was broken. He went on with perfect fluency. &#8220;There is never any work to be got out of you, and you always have an excuse ready, Heinricy. If you were ill the last time, you could have had help in that part; besides, if the first part dealt with the condition before the tribulation, and the second part with the tribulation itself, you could have told by counting on your fingers that the third part must deal with the condition after the tribulation! But you have no application or interest whatever; you are not only a poor creature, but you are always ready to excuse and defend your mistakes. But so long as this is the case, Heinricy, you cannot expect to make any improvement, and so I warn you. Sit down, Heinricy. Go on, Wasservogel.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Heinricy, thick-skinned and defiant, sat down with much shuffling and scraping, whispered some sort of saucy comment in his neighbour's ear, and took out his jack-knife again. Wasservogel stood up: a boy with inflamed eyes, a snub nose, prominent ears, and bitten fingernails. He finished the summary in a rather whining voice, and began to relate the story of Job, the man from the land of Uz, and what happened to him. He had simply opened his Bible, behind the back of the pupil ahead of him; and he read from it with an air of utter innocence and concentration, staring then at a point on the wall and translated what he read, coughing the while, into awkward and hesitating modern German. There was something positively repulsive about Wasservogel; but Herr Ballerstedt gave him a large meed of praise. Wasservogel had the knack of making the masters like him; and they praised him in order to show that they were incapable of being led away by his ugliness to blame him unjustly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The lesson continued. Various pupils were called up to display their knowledge touching Job, the man from the land of Uz. Gottlob Kassbaum, son of the unfortunate merchant P. Philipp Kassbaum, got an excellent mark, despite the late distressing circumstances of his family, because he knew that Job had seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen, five hundred asses, and a large number of servants.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then the Bibles, which were already open, were permitted to be opened, and they went on reading. Wherever Herr Ballerstedt thought explanation necessary, he puffed himself up, said &#8220;Well!&#8221; and after these customary preliminaries made a little speech upon the point in question, interspersed with abstract moral observations. Not a soul listened. A slumberous peace reigned in the room. The heat, with the continuous influx of warm air and the still lighted gas burners, had become oppressive, and the air was well-nigh exhausted by these twenty-five breathing and steaming organisms. The warmth, the purring of the gas, and the drone of the reader's voice lulled them all to a point where they were more asleep than awake. Kai, Count M&#246;lln, however, had a volume of Edgar Allan Poe's &lt;i&gt;Tales&lt;/i&gt; inside his Bible, and read in it, supporting his head on his hand. Hanno Buddenbrook leaned back, sank down in his seat, and looked with relaxed mouth and hot, swimming eyes at the Book of Job, in which all the lines ran together into a black haze. Now and then, as the Grail &lt;i&gt;motif&lt;/i&gt; or the Wedding March came into his mind, his lids drooped and he felt an inward soothing; and then he would wish that this safe and peaceful morning hour might go on for ever.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yet it ended, as all things must end. The shrill sound of the bell, clanging and echoing through the corridor, shook the twenty-five brains out of their slumberous calm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is all,&#8221; said Herr Ballerstedt. The register was handed up to him and he signed his name in it, as evidence that he had performed his office.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno Buddenbrook closed his Bible and stretched himself, yawning. It was a nervous yawn; and as he dropped his arms and relaxed his limbs he had to take a long, deep breath to bring his heart back to a steady pulsation, for it weakly refused its office for a second. Latin came next. He cast a beseeching glance at Kai, who still sat there reading and seemed not to have remarked the end of the lesson. Then he drew out his Ovid, in stitched covers of marbled paper, and opened it at the lines that were to have been learned by heart for to-day. No, it was no use now trying to memorize any of it: the regular lines, full of pencil marks, numbered by fives all the way down the page, looked hopelessly unfamiliar. He barely understood the sense of them, let alone trying to say a single one of them by heart. And of those in to-day's preparation he had not puzzled out even the first sentence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What does that mean&#8212;&#8216;deciderant, patula Jovis arbore glandes'?&#8221; he asked in a despairing voice, turning to Adolf Todtenhaupt, who sat beside him working on the register.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What?&#8221; asked Todtenhaupt, continuing to write. &#8220;The acorns from the tree of Jupiter&#8212;that is the oak; no, I don't quite know myself&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me a bit, Todtenhaupt, when it comes my turn, will you?&#8221; begged Hanno, and pushed the book away. He scowled at the cool and careless nod Todtenhaupt gave by way of reply; then he slid sidewise off the bench and stood up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The scene had changed. Herr Ballerstedt had left the room, and his place was taken by a small, weak enervated little man who stood straight and severe on the platform. He had a sparse white beard and a thin red neck that rose out of a narrow turned-down collar. He held his top-hat upside down in front of him, clasped in two small hands covered with white hair. His real name was Professor H&#252;ckopp, but he was called &#8220;Spider&#8221; by the pupils. He was in charge of classrooms and corridors during the recess. &#8220;Out with the gas! Up with the blinds! Up with the windows!&#8221; he said, and gave his voice as commanding a tone as possible, moving his little arm in the air with an awkward, energetic gesture, as if he were turning a crank. &#8220;Everybody downstairs, into the fresh air, as quick as possible!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The gas went out, the blinds flew up, the sallow daylight filled the room. The cold mist rushed in through the wide-open windows, and the lower second crowded past Professor H&#252;ckopp to the exit. Only the head boy might remain upstairs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno and Kai met at the door and went down the stairs together, and across the architecturally correct vestibule. They were silent. Hanno looked pathetically unwell, and Kai was deep in thought. They reached the courtyard and began to stroll up and down across the wet red tiles, among school companions of all ages and sizes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A youthful looking man with a blond pointed beard kept order down here: Dr. Goldener, the &#8220;dressy one.&#8221; He kept a &lt;i&gt;pensionnat&lt;/i&gt; for the sons of the rich landowners from Mecklenburg and Holstein, and dressed, on account of these aristocratic youths, with an elegance not apparent in the other masters. He wore silk cravats, a dandified coat, and pale-coloured trousers fastened down with straps under the soles of his boots, and used perfumed handkerchiefs with coloured borders. He came of rather simple people, and all this elegance was not very becoming&#8212;his huge feet, for example, looked absurd in the pointed buttoned boots he wore. He was vain of his plump red hands, too, and kept rubbing them together, clasping them before him, and regarding them with every mark of admiration. He carried his head laid far back on one side, and constantly made faces by blinking, screwing up his nose, and half-opening his mouth, as though he were about to say: &#8220;What's the matter now?&#8221; But his refinement led him to overlook all sorts of small infractions of the rules. He overlooked this or that pupil who had brought a book with him into the courtyard to prepare a little at the eleventh hour; he overlooked the fact that one of his boarding-pupils handed money to the porter, Herr Schlemiel, and asked him to get some pastry; he overlooked a small trial of strength between two third-form pupils, which resulted in a beating of one by the other, and around which a ring of connoisseurs was quickly formed; and he overlooked certain sounds behind him which indicated that a pupil who had made himself unpopular by cheating, cowardice, or other weakness was being forcibly escorted to the pump.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a lusty, not too gentle race, that of these comrades of Hanno and Kai among whom they walked up and down. The ideals of the victorious, united fatherland were those of a somewhat rude masculinity; its youth talked in a jargon at once brisk and slovenly; the most despised vices were softness and dandyism, the most admired virtues those displayed by prowess in drinking and smoking, bodily strength and skill in athletics. Whoever went out with his coat-collar turned up incurred a visit to the pump; while he who let himself be seen in the streets with a walking-stick must expect a public and ignominious correction administered in the drill-hall.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno's and Kai's conversation was in striking contrast to that which went on around them among their fellows. This friendship had been recognized in the school for a long time. The masters suffered it grudgingly, suspecting that it meant disaffection and future trouble. The pupils could not understand it, but had settled down to regarding it with a sort of embarrassed dislike, and to thinking of the two friends as outlaws and eccentrics who must be left to their own devices. They recognized, it is true, the wildness and insubordination of Kai, Count M&#246;lln, and respected him accordingly. As for Hanno Buddenbrook, big Heinricy, who thrashed everybody, could not make up his mind to lay a finger on him by way of chastisement for dandyism or cowardice. He refrained out of an indefinite respect and awe for the softness of Hanno's hair, the delicacy of his limbs, and his sad, shy, cold glance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm scared,&#8221; Hanno said to Kai. He leaned against the wall of the school, drawing his jacket closer about him, yawning and shivering, &#8220;I'm so scared, Kai, that it hurts me all over my body. Now just tell me this: is Herr Mantelsack the sort of person one ought to be afraid of? Tell me yourself! If this beastly Ovid lesson were only over! If I just had my bad mark, in peace, and stopped where I am, and everything was in order! I'm not afraid of that. It is the row that goes beforehand that I hate!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kai was still deep in thought. &#8220;This Roderick Usher is the most remarkable character ever conceived,&#8221; he said suddenly and abruptly. &#8220;I have read the whole lesson-hour. If ever I could write a tale like that!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kai was absorbed in his writing. It was to this he had referred when he said that he had something better to do than his preparation, and Hanno had understood him. Attempts at composition had developed out of his old propensity for inventing tales; and he had lately completed a composition in the form of a fantastic fairy tale, a narrative of symbolic adventure, which went forward in the depths of the earth among glowing metals and mysterious fires, and at the same time in the souls of men: a tale in which the primeval forces of nature and of the soul were interchanged and mingled, transformed and refined&#8212;the whole conceived and written in a vein of extravagant and even sentimental symbolism, fervid with passion and longing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno knew the tale well, and loved it; but he was not now in a frame of mind to think of Kai's work or of Edgar Allan Poe. He yawned again, and then sighed, humming to himself a&lt;i&gt;motif&lt;/i&gt; he had lately composed on the piano. This was a habit with him. He would often give a long sigh, a deep indrawn breath, from the instinct to calm the fluctuating and irregular action of his heart; and he had accustomed himself to set the deep breathing to a musical theme of his own or some one else's invention.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Look, there comes the Lord God,&#8221; said Kai. &#8220;He is walking in his garden.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fine garden,&#8221; said Hanno. He began to laugh nervously, and could not stop; putting his handkerchief to his mouth the while and looking across the courtyard at him whom Kai called the Lord God.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This was Director Wulicke, the head of the school, who had appeared in the courtyard: an extremely tall man with a slouch hat, a short heavy beard, a prominent abdomen, trousers that were far too short, and very dirty funnel-shaped cuffs. He strode across the flagstones with a face so angry in its expression that he seemed to be actually suffering, and pointed at the pump with outstretched arm. The water was running! A train of pupils ran before him and stumbled in their zeal to repair the damage. Then they stood about, looking first at the pump and then at the Director, their faces pictures of distress; and the Director, meanwhile, had turned to Dr. Goldener, who hurried up with a very red face and spoke to him in a deep hollow voice, fairly babbling with excitement between the words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This Director Wulicke was a most formidable man. He had succeeded to the headship of the school after the death, soon after 1871, of the genial and benevolent old gentleman under whose guidance Hanno's father and uncle had pursued their studies. Dr. Wulicke was summoned from a professorship in a Prussian high school; and with his advent an entirely new spirit entered the school. In the old days the classical course had been thought of as an end in itself, to be pursued at one's ease, with a sense of joyous idealism. But now the leading conceptions were authority, duty, power, service, the career; &#8220;the categorical imperative of our philosopher Kant&#8221; was inscribed upon the banner which Dr. Wulicke in every official speech unfurled to the breeze. The school became a state within a state, in which not only the masters but the pupils regarded themselves as officials, whose main concern was the advancement they could make, and who must therefore take care to stand well with the authorities. Soon after the new Director was installed in his office the tearing down of the old school began, and the new one was built up on the most approved hygienic and aesthetic principles, and everything went swimmingly. But it remained an open question whether the old school, as an institution, with its smaller endowment of modern comfort and its larger share of gay good nature, courage, charm, and good feeling, had not been more blest and blessing than the new.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As for Dr. Wulicke himself personally, he had all the awful mystery, duplicity, obstinacy, and jealousy of the Old Testament God. He was as frightful in his smiles as in his anger. The result of the enormous authority that lay in his hands was that he grew more and more arbitrary and moody&#8212;he was even capable of making a joke and then visiting with his wrath anybody who dared to laugh. Not one of his trembling creatures knew how to act before him. They found it safest to honour him in the dust, and to protect themselves by a frantic abasement from the fate of being whirled up in the cloud of his wrath and crushed for ever under the weight of his righteous displeasure.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The name Kai had given Dr. Wulicke was known only to himself and Hanno, and they took the greatest pains not to let any of the others overhear it, for they could not possibly understand. No, there was not one single point on which those two stood on common ground with their schoolfellows. Even the methods of revenge, of &#8220;getting even,&#8221; which obtained in the school were foreign to Hanno and Kai; and they utterly disdained the current nicknames, which did not in the least appeal to their more subtle sense of humour. It was so poor, it showed such a paucity of invention, to call thin Professor H&#252;ckopp &#8220;Spider&#8221; and Herr Ballerstedt &#8220;Cocky.&#8221; It was such scant compensation for their compulsory service to the state! No, Kai, Count M&#246;lln, flattered himself that he was not so feeble as that! He invented, for his own and Hanno's use, a method of alluding to all their masters by their actual names, with the simple prefix, thus: Herr Ballerstedt, Herr H&#252;ckopp. The irony of this, its chilly remoteness and mockery, pleased him very much. He liked to speak of the &#8220;teaching body&#8221;; and would amuse himself for whole recesses with imagining it as an actual creature, a sort of monster, with a repulsively fantastic form. And they spoke in general of the &#8220;Institution&#8221; as if it were similar to that which harboured Hanno's Uncle Christian.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kai's mood improved at sight of the Lord God, who still pervaded the playground and put everybody in a pallid fright by pointing, with fearful rumblings, to the wrapping papers from the luncheons which strewed the courtyard. The two lads went off to one of the gates, through which the masters in charge of the second period were now entering. Kai began to make bows of exaggerated respect before the red-eyed, pale, shabby-looking seminarists, who crossed over to go to their sixth and seventh form pupils in the back court. And when the grey-haired mathematics master, Herr Tietge, appeared, holding a bundle of books on his back with a shaking hand, bent, yellow, cross-eyed, spitting as he walked along, Kai said, &#8220;Good morning, old dead man.&#8221; He said this, in a loud voice and gazed straight up into the air with his bright, sharp gaze.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then the bell clanged loudly, and the pupils began to stream through the entrances into the building. Hanno could not stop laughing. He was still laughing so hard on the stairs that his classmates looked at him and Kai with wonder and cold hostility, and even with a slight disgust at such frivolity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a sudden hush in the classroom, and everybody stood up, as Herr Professor Mantelsack entered. He was the Professor &lt;i&gt;ordinarius&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb31&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;ordinarius &#8211; regular&#034; id=&#034;nh31&#034;&gt;31&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, for whom it was usual to show respect. He pulled the door to after him, bowed, craned his neck to see if all the class were standing up, hung his hat on its nail, and went quickly to the platform, moving his head rapidly up and down as he went. He took his place and stood for a while looking out the window and, running his forefinger, with a large seal ring on it, around inside his collar. He was a man of medium size, with thin grey hair, a curled Olympian beard, and short-sighted prominent sapphire-blue eyes gleaming behind his spectacles. He was dressed in an open frock-coat of soft grey material, which he habitually settled at the waist with his short-fingered, wrinkled hand. His trousers were, like all the other masters', even the elegant Dr. Goldener's, far too short, and showed the legs of a pair of very broad and shiny boots.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He turned sharply away from the window and gave vent to a little good-natured sigh, smiling familiarly at several pupils. His mood was obviously good, and a wave of relief ran through the classroom. So much&#8212;everything, in fact&#8212;depended on whether Dr. Mantelsack was in a good mood! For the whole form was aware that he gave way to the feeling of the moment, whatever that might happen to be, without the slightest restraint. He was most extraordinarily, boundlessly, na&#239;vely unjust, and his favour was as inconstant as that of fortune herself. He had always a few favourites&#8212;two or three&#8212;whom he called by their given names, and these lived in paradise. They might say almost anything they liked; and after the lesson Dr. Mantelsack would talk with them just like a human being. But a day would come&#8212;perhaps after the holidays&#8212;when for no apparent reason they were dethroned, cast out, rejected, and others elevated to their place. The mistakes of these favourites would be passed over with neat, careful corrections, so that their work retained a respectable appearance, no matter how bad it was; whereas he would attack the other copy-books with heavy, ruthless pen, and fairly flood them with red ink, so that their appearance was shocking indeed. And as he never troubled to count the mistakes, but distributed bad marks in proportion to the red ink he had expended, his favourites always emerged with great credit from these exercises. He was not even aware of the rank injustice of this conduct. And if anybody had ever had the temerity to call his attention to it, that person would have been for ever deprived of even the chance of becoming a favourite and being called by his first name. There was nobody who was willing to let slip the chance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now Dr. Mantelsack crossed his legs, still standing, and began to turn over the leaves of his notebook. Hanno Buddenbrook wrung his hands under the desk. B, the letter B, came next. Now he would hear his name, he would get up, he would not know a line, and there would be a row, a loud, frightful catastrophe&#8212;no matter how good a mood Dr. Mantelsack might be in. The seconds dragged out, each a martyrdom. &#8220;Buddenbrook&#8221;&#8212; Now he would say &#8220;Buddenbrook.&#8221; &#8220;Edgar,&#8221; said Dr. Mantelsack, closing his notebook with his finger in it. He sat down, as if all were in the best of order.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What? Who? Edgar? That was L&#252;ders, the fat L&#252;ders boy over there by the window. Letter L, which was not next at all! No! Was it possible? Dr. Mantelsack's mood was so good that he simply selected one of his favourites, without troubling in the least about whose turn it was.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
L&#252;ders stood up. He had a face like a pug dog, and dull brown eyes. He had an advantageous seat, and could easily have read it off, but he was too lazy. He felt too secure in his paradise, and answered simply, &#8220;I had a headache yesterday, and couldn't study.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, so you are leaving me in the lurch, Edgar,&#8221; said Dr. Mantelsack with tender reproach. &#8220;You cannot say the lines on the Golden Age? What a shocking pity, my friend! You had a headache? It seems to me you should have told me before the lesson began, instead of waiting till I called you up. Didn't you have a headache just lately, Edgar? You should do something for them, for otherwise there is danger of your not passing. Timm, will you take his place?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
L&#252;ders sat down. At this moment he was the object of universal hatred. It was plain that the master's mood had altered for the worse, and that L&#252;ders, perhaps in the very next lesson, would be called by his last name. Timm stood up in one of the back seats. He was a blond country-looking lad with a light-brown jacket and short, broad fingers. He held his mouth open in a funnel shape, and hastily found the place, looking straight ahead the while with the most idiotic expression. Then he put down his head and began to read, in long-drawn-out, monotonous, hesitating accents, like a child with a first lesson-book: &#8220;&lt;i&gt;Aurea prima sata est &#230;tas&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb32&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Aurea prima sata est &#230;tas &#8211; The golden age is first sown&#034; id=&#034;nh32&#034;&gt;32&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was plain that Dr. Mantelsack was calling up quite at random, without reference to the alphabet. And thus it was no longer so imminently likely that Hanno would be called on, though this might happen through unlucky chance. He exchanged a joyful glance with Kai and began to relax somewhat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But now Timm's reading was interrupted. Whether Dr. Mantelsack could not hear him, or whether he stood in need of exercise, is not to be known. But he left his platform and walked slowly down through the room. He paused near Timm, with his book in his hand; Timm meanwhile had succeeded in getting his own book out of sight, but was now entirely helpless. His funnel-shaped mouth emitted a gasp, he looked at the &lt;i&gt;Ordinarius&lt;/i&gt; with honest, troubled blue eyes, and could not fetch out another syllable.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Timm,&#8221; said Dr. Mantelsack. &#8220;Can't you get on?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Timm clutched his brow, rolled up his eyes, sighed windily, and said with a dazed smile: &#8220;I get all mixed up, Herr Doctor, when you stand so close to me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dr. Mantelsack smiled too. He smiled in a very flattered way and said &#8220;Well, pull yourself together and get on.&#8221; And he strolled back to his place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Timm pulled himself together. He drew out and opened his book again, all the time apparently wrestling to recover his self-control and staring about the room. Then he dropped his head and was himself again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very good,&#8221; said the master, when he had finished. &#8220;It is clear that you have studied to some purpose. But you sacrifice the rhythm too much, Timm. You seem to understand the elisions; yet you have not been really reading hexameters at all. I have an impression as if you had learned the whole thing by heart, like prose. But, as I say, you have been diligent, you have done your best&#8212;and whoever does his best&#8212;; you may sit down.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Timm sat down, proud and beaming, and Dr. Mantelsack gave him a good mark in his book. And the extraordinary thing was that at this moment not only the master, but also Timm himself and all his classmates, sincerely felt that Timm was a good industrious pupil who had fully deserved the mark he got. Hanno Buddenbrook, even, thought the same, though something within him revolted against the thought. He listened with strained attention to the next name.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mumme,&#8221; said Dr. Mantelsack. &#8220;Again: &lt;i&gt;aurea prima&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mumme! Well! Thank Heaven! Hanno was now in probable safety. The lines would hardly be asked for a third time, and in the sight-reading the letter B had just been called up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mumme got up. He was tall and pale, with trembling hands and extraordinarily large round glasses. He had trouble with his eyes, and was so short-sighted that he could not possibly read standing up from a book on the desk before him. He had to learn, and he had learned. But to-day he had not expected to be called up; he was, besides, painfully ungifted; and he stuck after the first few words. Dr. Mantelsack helped him, he helped him again in a sharper tone, and for the third time with intense irritation. But when Mumme came to a final stop, the &lt;i&gt;Ordinarius&lt;/i&gt; was mastered by indignation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is entirely insufficient, Mumme. Sit down. You cut a disgraceful figure, let me tell you, sir. A &lt;i&gt;cretin&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb33&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;cretin &#8211; idiot&#034; id=&#034;nh33&#034;&gt;33&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;! Stupid and lazy both&#8212;it is really too much.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mumme was overwhelmed. He looked the child of calamity, and at this moment everybody in the room despised him. A sort of disgust, almost like nausea, mounted again in Hanno Buddenbrook's throat; but at the same time he observed with horrid clarity all that was going forward. Dr. Mantelsack made a mark of sinister meaning after Mumme's name, and then looked through his notebook with frowning brows. He went over, in his disgust, to the order of the day, and looked to see whose turn it really was. There was no doubt that this was the case: and just as Hanno was overpowered by this knowledge, he heard his name&#8212;as if in a bad dream.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Buddenbrook!&#8221; Dr. Mantelsack had said &#8220;Buddenbrook.&#8221; The scale was in the air again. Hanno could not believe his senses. There was a buzzing in his ears. He sat still.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Herr Buddenbrook!&#8221; said Dr. Mantelsack, and stared at him sharply through his glasses with his prominent sapphire-blue eyes. &#8220;Will you have the goodness?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Very well, then. It was to be. It had to come. It had come differently from his expectations, but still, here it was, and he was none the less lost. But he was calm. Would it be a very big row? He rose in his place and was about to utter some forlorn and absurd excuse to the effect that he had &#8220;forgotten&#8221; to study the lines, when he became aware that the boy ahead of him was offering him his open book.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This boy, Hans Hermann Kilian, was a small brown lad with oily hair and broad shoulders. He had set his heart on becoming an officer, and was so possessed by an ideal of comradeship that he would not leave in the lurch even little Buddenbrook, whom he did not like. He pointed with his finger to the place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno gazed down upon it and began to read. With trembling voice, his face working, he read of the Golden Age, when truth and justice flourished of their own free will, without laws or compulsions. &#8220;Punishment and fear did not exist,&#8221; he said, in Latin. &#8220;No threats were graven upon the bronze tablets, nor did those who came to petition fear the countenance of the judges....&#8221; He read in fear and trembling, read with design badly and disjointedly, purposely omitted some of the elisions that were marked with pencil in Kilian's book, made mistakes in the lines, progressed with apparent difficulty, and constantly expected the master to discover the fraud and pounce upon him. The guilty satisfaction of seeing the open book in front of him gave him a pricking sensation in his skin; but at the same time he had such a feeling of disgust that he intentionally deceived as badly as possible, simply to make the deceit seem less vulgar to himself. He came to the end, and a pause ensued, during which he did not dare look up. He felt convinced that Dr. Mantelsack had seen all, and his lips were perfectly white. But at length the master sighed and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Buddenbrook! &lt;i&gt;Si tacuisses&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb34&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Si tacuisses &#8211; if you had been silent&#034; id=&#034;nh34&#034;&gt;34&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;! You will permit me the classical thou, for this once. Do you know what you have done? You have conducted yourself like a vandal, a barbarian. You are a humourist, Buddenbrook; I can see that by your face. If I ask myself whether you have been coughing or whether you have been reciting this noble verse, I should incline to the former. Timm showed small feeling for rhythm, but compared to you he is a genius, a rhapsodist! Sit down, unhappy wretch! You have studied the lines, I cannot deny it, and I am constrained to give you a good mark. You have probably done your best. But tell me&#8212;have I not been told that you are musical, that you play the piano? How is it possible? Well, very well, sit down. You have worked hard&#8212;that must suffice.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He put a good mark down in his book, and Hanno Buddenbrook took his seat. He felt as Timm, the rhapsodist had felt before him&#8212;that he really deserved the praise which Dr. Mantelsack gave him. Yes, at the moment he was of the opinion that he was, if rather a dull, yet an industrious pupil, who had come off with honour, comparatively speaking. He was conscious that all his schoolmates, not excepting Hans Hermann Kilian, had the same view. Yet he felt at the same time somewhat nauseated. Pale, trembling, too exhausted to think about what had happened, he closed his eyes and sank back in lethargy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dr. Mantelsack, however, went on with the lesson. He came to the verses that were to have been prepared for to-day, and called up Petersen. Petersen rose, fresh, lively, sanguine, in a stout attitude, ready for the fray. Yet to-day, even to-day, was destined to see his fall. Yes, the lesson-hour was not to pass without a catastrophe far worse than that which had befallen the hapless, short-sighted Mumme.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Petersen translated, glancing now and then at the other page of his book, which should have had nothing on it. He did it quite cleverly: he acted as though something there distracted him&#8212;a speck of dust, perhaps, which he brushed with his hand or tried to blow away. And yet&#8212;there followed the catastrophe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dr. Mantelsack made a sudden violent movement, which was responded to on Petersen's part by a similar movement. And in the same moment the master left his seat, dashed headlong down from his platform, and approached Petersen with long, impetuous strides.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have a crib in your book,&#8221; he said as he came up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A crib&#8212;I&#8212;no,&#8221; stammered Petersen. He was a charming lad, with a great wave of blond hair on his forehead and lovely blue eyes which now flickered in a frightened way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have no crib in your book?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A crib, Herr Doctor? No, really, I haven't. You are mistaken. You are accusing me falsely.&#8221; Petersen betrayed himself by the unnatural correctness of his language, which he used in order to intimidate the master. &#8220;I am not deceiving you,&#8221; he repeated, in the greatness of his need. &#8220;I have always been honourable, my whole life long.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Dr. Mantelsack was all too certain of the painful fact.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give me your book,&#8221; he said coldly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Petersen clung to his book; he raised it up in both hands and went on protesting. He stammered, his tongue grew thick. &#8220;Believe me, Herr Doctor. There is nothing in the book&#8212;I have no crib&#8212;I have not deceived you&#8212;I have always been honourable&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give me your book,&#8221; repeated the master, stamping his foot.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then Petersen collapsed, and his face grew grey.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well,&#8221; said he, and delivered up his book. &#8220;Here it is. Yes, there is a crib in it. You can see for yourself; there it is. But I haven't used it,&#8221; he suddenly shrieked, quite at random.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dr. Mantelsack ignored this idiotic lie, which was rooted in despair. He drew out the crib, looked at it with an expression of extreme disgust, as if it were a piece of decaying offal, thrust it into his pocket, and threw the volume of Ovid contemptuously back on Petersen's desk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give me the class register,&#8221; he said in a hollow voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Adolf Todtenhaupt dutifully fetched it, and Petersen received a mark for dishonesty which effectually demolished his chances of being sent up at Easter. &#8220;You are the shame of the class,&#8221; said Dr. Mantelsack.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Petersen sat down. He was condemned. His neighbour avoided contact with him. Every one looked at him with a mixture of pity, aversion, and disgust. He had fallen, utterly and completely, because he had been found out. There was but one opinion as to Petersen, and that was that he was, in very truth, the shame of the class. They recognized and accepted his fall, as they had the rise of Timm and Buddenbrook and the unhappy Mumme's mischance. And Petersen did too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thus most of this class of twenty-five young folk, being of sound and strong constitution, armed and prepared to wage the battle of life as it is, took things just as they found them, and did not at this moment feel any offence or uneasiness. Everything seemed to them to be quite in order. But one pair of eyes, little Johann's, which stared gloomily at a point on Hans Hermann Kilian's broad back, were filled, in their blue-shadowed depths, with abhorrence, fear, and revulsion. The lesson went on. Dr. Mantelsack called on somebody, anybody&#8212;he had lost all desire to test any one. And after Adolf Todtenhaupt, another pupil, who was but moderately prepared, and did not even know what &#8220;patula Jovis arbore&#8221; meant, had been called on, Buddenbrook had to say it. He said it in a low voice, without looking up, because Dr. Mantelsack asked him, and he received a nod of the head for the answer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And now that the performance of the pupils was over, the lesson had lost all interest. Dr. Mantelsack had one of the best scholars read at his own sweet will, and listened just as little as the twenty-four others, who began to get ready for the next class. This one was finished, in effect. No one could be marked on it, nor his interest or industry judged. And the bell would soon ring. It did ring. It rang for Hanno, and he had received a nod of approbation. Thus it was.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well!&#8221; said Kai to Hanno, as they walked down the Gothic corridor with their classmates, to go to the chemistry class, &#8220;what do you say now about the brow of Caesar? You had wonderful luck!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I feel sick, Kai,&#8221; said little Johann, &#8220;I don't like that kind of luck. It makes me sick.&#8221; Kai knew he would have felt the same in Hanno's place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The chemistry hall was a vaulted chamber like an amphitheatre with benches rising in tiers, a long table for the experiments, and two glass cases of phials. The air in the classroom had grown very hot and heavy again; but here it was saturated with an odour of sulphuretted hydrogen from a just-completed experiment, and smelled abominable. Kai flung up the window and then stole Adolf Todtenhaupt's copy-book and began in great haste to copy down the lesson for the day. Hanno and several others did the same. This occupied the entire pause till the bell rang, and Dr. Marotzke came in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This was the &#8220;deep one,&#8221; as Kai and Hanno called him. He was a medium-sized dark man with a very yellow skin, two large lumps on his brow, a stiff smeary beard, and hair of the same kind. He always looked unwashed and unkempt, but his appearance probably belied him. He taught the natural sciences, but his own field was mathematics, in which subject he had the reputation of being an original thinker. He liked to hold forth on the subject of metaphysical passages from the Bible; and when in a good-natured or discursive mood, he would entertain the boys of the first and second forms with marvellous interpretations of mysterious passages. He was, besides all this, a reserve officer, and very enthusiastic over the service. As an official who was also in the army, he stood very well with Director Wulicke. He set more store by discipline than any of the other masters: he would review the ranks of sturdy youngsters with a professional eye, and he insisted on short, brisk answers to questions. This mixture of mysticism and severity was not, on the whole, attractive.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The copy-books were shown, and Dr. Marotzke went around and touched each one with his finger. Some of the pupils who had not done theirs at all, put down other books or turned this one back to an old lesson; but he never noticed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then the lesson began, and the twenty-five boys had to display their industry and interest with respect to boric acid, and chlorine, and strontium, as in the previous period they had displayed it with respect to Ovid. Hans Hermann Kilian was commended because he knew that BaSO4, or barytes, was the metal most commonly used in counterfeiting. He was the best in the class, anyhow, because of his desire to be an officer. Kai and Hanno knew nothing at all, and fared very badly in Dr. Marotzke's notebook.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And when the tests, recitation, and marking were over, the interest in chemistry was about exhausted too. Dr. Marotzke began to make a few experiments; there were a few pops, a few coloured gases; but that was only to fill out the hour. He dictated the next lesson; and then the third period, too, was a thing of the past.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everybody was in good spirits now&#8212;even Petersen, despite the blow he had received. For the next hour was likely to be a jolly one. Not a soul felt any qualms before it, and it even promised occasion for entertainment and mischief. This was English, with Candidate Modersohn, a young philologian who had been for a few weeks on trial in the faculty&#8212;or, as Kai, Count M&#246;lln, put it, he was filling a limited engagement with the company. There was little prospect, however, of his being re-engaged. His classes were much too entertaining.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Some of the form remained in the chemistry hall, others went up to the classroom; nobody needed to go down and freeze in the courtyard, because Herr Modersohn was in charge up in the corridors, and he never dared send any one down. Moreover, there were preparations to be made for his reception.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The room did not become in the least quieter when it rang for the fourth hour. Everybody chattered and laughed and prepared to see some fun. Count M&#246;lln, his head in his hands, went on reading Roderick Usher. Hanno was audience. Some of the boys imitated the voices of animals; there was the shrill crowing of a cock; and Wasservogel, in the back row, grunted like a pig without anybody's being able to see that the noise came from his inside. On the blackboard was a huge chalk drawing, a caricature, with squinting eyes, drawn by Timm the rhapsodist. And when Herr Modersohn entered he could not shut the door, even with the most violent efforts, because there was a thick fir-cone in the crack; Adolf Todtenhaupt had to take it away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Candidate Modersohn was an undersized, insignificant looking man. His face was always contorted with a sour, peevish expression, and he walked with one shoulder thrust forward. He was frightfully self-conscious, blinked, drew in his breath, and kept opening his mouth as if he wanted to say something if he could only think of it. Three steps from the door he trod on a cracker of such exceptional quality that it made a noise like dynamite. He jumped violently; then, in these straits, he smiled exactly as though nothing had happened and took his place before the middle row of benches, stooping sideways, in his customary attitude, and resting one palm on the desk in front of him. But this posture of his was familiar to everybody; somebody had put some ink on the right spot, and Herr Modersohn's small clumsy hand got all inky. He acted as though he had not noticed, laid his wet black hand on his back, blinked, and said in a soft, weak voice: &#8220;The order in the classroom leaves something to be desired.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno Buddenbrook loved him in that moment, sat quite still, and looked up into his worried, helpless face. But Wasservogel grunted louder than ever, and a handful of peas went rattling against the window and bounced back into the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's hailing,&#8221; somebody said, quite loudly. Herr Modersohn appeared to believe this, for he went without more ado to the platform and asked for the register. He needed it to call the names from, for, though he had been teaching the class for five or six weeks, he hardly knew any of them by name.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Feddermann,&#8221; he said, &#8220;will you please recite the poem?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Absent,&#8221; shouted a chorus of voices. And there sat Feddermann, large as life, in his place, shooting peas with great skill and accuracy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Modersohn blinked again and selected a new name. &#8220;Wasservogel,&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dead,&#8221; shouted Petersen, attacked by a grim humour. And the chorus, grunting, crowing, and with shouts of derision, asseverated that Wasservogel was dead.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Modersohn blinked afresh. He looked about him, drew down his mouth, and put his finger on another name in the register. &#8220;Perlemann,&#8221; he said, without much confidence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Unfortunately, gone mad,&#8221; uttered Kai, Count M&#246;lln, with great clarity and precision. And this also was confirmed by the chorus amid an ever-increasing tumult.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then Herr Modersohn stood up and shouted in to the hubbub: &#8220;Buddenbrook, you will do me a hundred lines imposition. If you laugh again, I shall be obliged to mark you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then he sat down again. It was true that Hanno had laughed. He had been seized by a quiet but violent spasm of laughter, and went on because he could not stop. He had found Kai's joke so good&#8212;the &#8220;unfortunately&#8221; had especially appealed to him. But he became quiet when Herr Modersohn attacked him, and sat looking solemnly into the Candidate's face. He observed at that moment every detail of the man's appearance: saw every pathetic little hair in his scanty beard, which showed the skin through it; saw his brown, empty, disconsolate eyes; saw that he had on what appeared to be two pairs of cuffs, because the sleeves of his shirt came down so long; saw the whole pathetic, inadequate figure he made. He saw more: he saw into the man's inner self. Hanno Buddenbrook was almost the only pupil whom Herr Modersohn knew by name, and he availed himself of the knowledge to call him constantly to order, give him impositions, and tyrannize over him. He had distinguished Buddenbrook from the others simply because of his quieter behaviour&#8212;and of this he took advantage to make him feel his authority, an authority he did not dare exert upon the real offenders. Hanno looked at him and reflected that Herr Modersohn's lack of fine feeling made it almost impossible even to pity him! &#8220;I don't bully you,&#8221; he addressed the Candidate, in his thoughts: &#8220;I don't share in the general tormenting like the others&#8212;and how do you repay me? But so it is, and so will it be, always and everywhere,&#8221; he thought; and fear, and that sensation almost amounting to physical nausea, rose again in him. &#8220;And the most dreadful thing is that I can't help seeing through you with such disgusting clearness!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last Herr Modersohn found some one who was neither dead nor crazy, and who would take it upon himself to repeat the English verse. This was a poem called &#8220;The Monkey,&#8221; a poor childish composition, required to be committed to memory by these growing lads whose thoughts were already mostly bent on business, on the sea, on the coming conflicts of actual life.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Monkey, little, merry fellow,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thou art nature's punchinello.&#8230;&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;There were endless verses&#8212;Kassbaum read them, quite simply, out of his book. Nobody needed to trouble himself about what Herr Modersohn thought. The noise grew worse and worse, the feet shuffled and scraped on the dusty floor, the cock crowed, the pig grunted, peas filled the air. The five-and-twenty were drunk with disorder. And the unregulated instincts of their years awoke. They drew obscene pictures on pieces of paper, passed them about, and laughed at them greedily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All at once everything was still. The pupil who was then reciting interrupted himself; even Herr Modersohn got up and listened. They heard something charming: a pure, bell-like sound, coming from the bottom of the room and flowing sweetly, sensuously, with indescribably tender effect, on the sudden silence. It was a music-box which somebody had brought, playing &#8220;&lt;i&gt;Du, du, liegst mir am Herzen&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb35&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Du, du, liegst mir am Herzen &#8211; you are dear to my heart&#034; id=&#034;nh35&#034;&gt;35&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;&#8221; in the middle of the English lesson. But precisely at that moment when the little melody died away, something frightful ensued. It broke like a sudden storm over the heads of the class, unexpected, cruel, overwhelming, paralyzing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Without anybody's having knocked, the door opened wide with a great shove, and a presence came in, high and huge, growled, and stood with a single stride in front of the benches. It was the Lord God.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Herr Modersohn grew ashy pale and dragged down the chair from the platform, dusting it with his handkerchief. The pupils had sprung up like one man. They pressed their arms to their sides, stood on their tip-toes, bent their heads, and bit their tongues in the fervour of their devotion. The deepest silence reigned. Somebody gasped with the effort he made&#8212;then all was still again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Director Wulicke measured the saluting columns for a while with his eye. He lifted his arm with its dirty funnel-shaped cuff, and let it fall with the fingers spread out, as if he were attacking a keyboard. &#8220;Sit down,&#8221; he said in his double-bass voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The pupils sank back into their seats. Herr Modersohn pulled up the chair with trembling hands, and the Director sat down beside the dais. &#8220;Please proceed,&#8221; he said. That was all, but it sounded as frightful as if the words he uttered had been &#8220;Now we shall see, and woe to him who&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The reason for his coming was clear. Herr Modersohn was to give evidence of his ability to teach, to show what the lower second had learned in the six or seven hours he had been with them. It was a question of Herr Modersohn's existence and future. The Candidate was a sorry figure as he stood on the platform and called again on somebody to recite &#8220;The Monkey.&#8221; Up to now it had been only the pupils who were examined, but now it was the master as well. Alas, it went badly on both sides! Herr Director Wulicke's appearance was entirely unexpected, and only two or three of the pupils were prepared. It was impossible for Herr Modersohn to call up Adolf Todtenhaupt for the whole hour on end; after &#8220;The Monkey&#8221; had been recited once, it could not be asked for again, and so things were in a bad way. When the reading from Ivanhoe began, young Count M&#246;lln was the only person who could translate it at all, he having a personal interest in the novel. The others hemmed and hawed, stuttered, and got hopelessly stuck. Hanno Buddenbrook was called up and could not do a line. Director Wulicke gave utterance to a sound that was as though the lowest string of his double-bass had been violently plucked, and Herr Modersohn wrung his small, clumsy, inky hands repeating plaintively over and over. &#8220;And it went so well&#8212;it always went so well!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was still saying it, half to the pupils and half to the Director, when the bell rang. But the Lord God stood erect with folded arms before his chair and stared in front of him over the heads of the class. Then he commanded that the register be brought, and slowly marked down for laziness all those pupils whose performances of the morning had been deficient&#8212;or entirely lacking&#8212;six or seven marks at one fell swoop. He could not put down a mark for Herr Modersohn, but he was much worse than the others. He stood there with a face like chalk, broken, done for. Hanno Buddenbrook was among those marked down. And Director Wulicke said besides, &#8220;I will spoil all your careers for you.&#8221; Then he went.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The bell rang; class was over. It was always like that. When you expected trouble it did not come. When you thought all was well&#8212;then, the catastrophe. It was now impossible for Hanno to go up at Easter. He rose from his seat and went drearily out of the room, seeking the aching back tooth with his tongue.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kai came up to him and put his arm across his shoulders. Together they walked down to the courtyard, among the crowd of excited comrades, all of whom were discussing the extraordinary event. He looked with loving anxiety into Hanno's face and said, &#8220;Please forgive, Hanno, for translating. It would have been better to keep still and get a mark. It's so cheap&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Didn't I say what &#8216;&lt;i&gt;patula Jovis arbore&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb36&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;patula Jovis arbore &#8211; Jupiter's tree spread out&#034; id=&#034;nh36&#034;&gt;36&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/i&gt;' meant?&#8221; answered Hanno. &#8220;Don't mind, Kai. That doesn't matter. One just mustn't mind.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I suppose that's true. Well, the Lord God is going to ruin your career. You may as well resign yourself, Hanno, because if it is His inscrutable will&#8212;. Career&#8212;what a lovely word &#8216;career' is! Herr Modersohn's career is spoilt too. He will never get to be a master, poor chap! There are assistant masters, you may know, and there are head masters; but never by any chance a plain master. This is a mystery not to be revealed to youthful minds; it is only intended for grown-ups and persons of mature experience. An ordinary intelligence might say that either one is a master or one is not. I might go up to the Lord God or Herr Marotzke and explain this to him. But what would be the result? They would consider it an insult, and I should be punished for insubordination&#8212;all for having discovered for them a much higher significance in their calling than they themselves were aware of! No, let's not talk about them&#8212;they're all thick-skinned brutes!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They walked about the court; Kai made jokes to help Hanno forget his bad mark, and Hanno listened and enjoyed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Look, here is a door, an outer door. It is open, and outside there is the street. How would it be if we were to go out and take a little walk? It is recess, and we have still six minutes. We could easily be back in time. But it is perfectly impossible. You see what I mean? Here is the door. It is open, there is no grating, there is nothing, nothing whatever to prevent us. And yet it is impossible for us to step outside for even a second&#8212;it is even impossible for us to think of doing so. Well, let's not think of it, then. Let's take another example: we don't say, for instance, that it is nearly half-past twelve. No, we say, &#8216;It's nearly time for the geography period'! You see? Now, I ask, is this any sort of a life to lead? Everything is wrong. Oh, Lord, if the institution would just once let us out of her loving embrace!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and what then? No, Kai, we should just have to do something then; here, at least we are taken care of. Since my Father died Herr Stephan Kistenmaker and Pastor Pringsheim have taken over the business of asking me every day what I want to be. I don't know. I can't answer. I can't be anything. I'm afraid of everything&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How can anybody talk so dismally? What about your music?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What about my music, Kai? There is nothing to it. Shall I travel round and give concerts? In the first place, they wouldn't let me; and in the second place, I should never really know enough. I can play very little. I can only improvise a little when I am alone. And then, the travelling about must be dreadful, I imagine. It is different with you. You have more courage. You go about laughing at it all&#8212;you have something to set against it. You want to write, to tell wonderful stories. Well, that &lt;i&gt;is&lt;/i&gt; something. You will surely become famous, you are so clever. The thing is, you are so much livelier. Sometimes in class we look at each other, the way we did when Petersen got marked because he read out of a crib, when all the rest of us did the same. The same thought is in both our minds&#8212;but you know how to make a face and let it pass. I can't. I get so tired of things. I'd like to sleep and never wake up. I'd like to die, Kai! No, I am no good. I can't want anything. I don't even want to be famous. I'm afraid of it, just as much as if it were a wrong thing to do. Nothing can come of me, that is perfectly sure. One day, after confirmation-class, I heard Pastor Pringsheim tell somebody that one must just give me up, because I come of a decayed family.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did he say that?&#8221; Kai asked with deep interest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; he meant my Uncle Christian, in the institution in Hamburg. One must just give me up&#8212;oh, I'd be so happy if they would! I have so many worries; everything is so hard for me. If I give myself a little cut or bruise anywhere, and make a wound that would heal in a week with anybody else, it takes a month with me. It gets inflamed and infected and makes me all sorts of trouble. Herr Brecht told me lately that all my teeth are in a dreadful condition&#8212;not to mention the ones that have been pulled already. If they are like that now, what will they be when I am thirty or forty years old? I am completely discouraged.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, come,&#8221; Kai said, and struck into a livelier gait. &#8220;Now you must tell me something about your playing. I want to write something marvellous&#8212;perhaps I'll begin it to-day, in drawing period. Will you play this afternoon?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno was silent a moment. A flush came upon his face, and a painful, confused look.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I'll play&#8212;I suppose&#8212;though I ought not. I ought to practise my sonatas and &#233;tudes and then stop. But I suppose I'll play; I cannot help it, though it only makes everything worse.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Worse?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno was silent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know what you mean,&#8221; said Kai after a bit, and then neither of the lads spoke again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were both at the same difficult age. Kai's face burned, and he cast down his eyes. Hanno looked pale and serious; his eyes had clouded over, and he kept giving sideways glances.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then the bell rang, and they went up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The geography period came next, and an important test on the kingdom of Hesse-Nassau. A man with a red beard and brown tail-coat came in. His face was pale, and his hands were very full of pores, but without a single hair. This was &#8220;the clever one,&#8221; Dr. M&#252;hsam. He suffered from occasional haemorrhages, and always spoke in an ironic tone, because it was his pose to be considered as witty as he was ailing. He possessed a Heine collection, a quantity of papers and objects connected with that cynical and sickly poet. He proceeded to mark the boundaries of Hesse-Nassau on the map that hung on the wall, and then asked, with a melancholy, mocking smile, if the gentlemen would indicate in their books the important features of the country. It was as though he meant to make game of the class and of Hesse-Nassau as well; yet this was an important test, and much dreaded by the entire form.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno Buddenbrook knew next to nothing about Hesse-Nassau. He tried to look on Adolf Todtenhaupt's book; but Heinrich Heine, who had a penetrating observation despite his suffering, melancholy air, pounced on him at once and said: &#8220;Herr Buddenbrook, I am tempted to ask you to close your book, but that I suspect you would be glad to have me do so. Go on with your work.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The remark contained two witticisms. First, that Dr. M&#252;hsam addressed Hanno as Herr Buddenbrook, and, second, that about the copy-book. Hanno continued to brood over his book, and handed it in almost empty when he went out with Kai.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The difficulties were now over with for the day. The fortunate ones who had come through without marks, had light and easy consciences, and life seemed like play to them as they betook themselves to the large well-lighted room where they might sit and draw under the supervision of Herr Dr&#228;gem&#252;ller. Plaster casts from the antique stood about the room, and there was a great cupboard containing divers pieces of wood and doll-furniture which served as models. Herr Dr&#228;gem&#252;ller was a thick-set man with a full round beard and a smooth, cheap brown wig which stood out in the back of the neck and betrayed itself. He possessed two wigs, one with longer hair, the other with shorter; if he had had his beard cut he would don the shorter wig as well. He was a man with some droll peculiarities of speech. For instance, he called a lead pencil a &#8220;lead.&#8221; He gave out an oily-alcoholic odour; and it was said of him that he drank petroleum. It always delighted him to have an opportunity to take a class in something besides drawing. On such occasions he would lecture on the policy of Bismarck, accompanying himself with impressive spiral gestures from his nose to his shoulder. Social democracy was his bugbear&#8212;he spoke of it with fear and loathing. &#8220;We must keep together,&#8221; he used to say to refractory pupils, pinching them on the arm. &#8220;Social democracy is at the door!&#8221; He was possessed by a sort of spasmodic activity: would sit down next a pupil, exhaling a strong spirituous odour, tap him on the forehead with his seal ring, shoot out certain isolated words and phrases like &#8220;Perspective! Light and shade! The lead! Social democracy! Stick together!&#8221;&#8212;and then dash off again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kai worked at his new literary project during this period, and Hanno occupied himself with conducting, in fancy, an overture with full orchestra. Then school was over, they fetched down their things, the gate was opened, they were free to pass, and they went home.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno and Kai went the same road together as far as the little red villa, their books under their arms. Young Count M&#246;lln had a good distance farther to go alone before he reached the paternal dwelling. He never wore an overcoat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The morning's fog had turned to snow, which came down in great white flocks and rapidly became slush. They parted at the Buddenbrook gate; but when Hanno was half-way up the garden Kai came back to put his arm about his neck. &#8220;Don't give up&#8212;better not play!&#8221; he said gently. Then his slender, careless figure disappeared in the whirling snow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno put down his books on the bear's tray in the corridor and went into the living-room to see his mother. She sat on the sofa reading a book with a yellow paper cover, and looked up as he crossed the room. She gazed at him with her brown, close-set, blue-shadowed eyes; as he stood before her, she took his head in both her hands and kissed him on the brow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He went upstairs, where Fr&#228;ulein Clementine had some luncheon ready for him, washed, and ate. When he was done he took out of his desk a packet of little biting Russian cigarettes and began to smoke. He was no stranger to their use by now. Then he sat down at the harmonium and played something from Bach: something very severe and difficult, in fugue form. At length he clasped his hands behind his head and looked out the window at the snow noiselessly tumbling down. Nothing else was to be seen; for there was no longer a charming little garden with a plashing fountain beneath his window. The view was cut off by the grey side-wall of the neighbouring villa.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dinner was at four o'clock, and Hanno, his mother, and Fr&#228;ulein Clementine sat down to it. Afterward Hanno saw that there were preparations for music in the salon, and awaited his mother at the piano. They played the Sonata Opus 24 of Beethoven. In the adagio the violin sang like an angel; but Gerda took the instrument from her chin with a dissatisfied air, looked at it in irritation, and said it was not in time. She played no more, but went up to rest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno remained in the salon. He went to the glass door that led out on the small verandah and looked into the drenched garden. But suddenly he took a step back and jerked the cream-coloured curtains across the door, so that the room lay in a soft yellow twilight. Then he went to the piano. He stood for a while, and his gaze, directed fixed and unseeing upon a distant point, altered slowly, grew blurred and vague and shadowy. He sat down at the instrument and began to improvise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a simple &lt;i&gt;motif&lt;/i&gt; which he employed&#8212;a mere trifle, an unfinished fragment of melody in one bar and a half. He brought it out first, with unsuspected power, in the bass, as a single voice: indicating it as the source and fount of all that was to come, and announcing it, with a commanding entry, by a burst of trumpets. It was not quite easy to grasp his intention; but when he repeated and harmonized it in the treble, with a timbre like dull silver, it proved to consist essentially of a single resolution, a yearning and painful melting of one tone into another&#8212;a short-winded, pitiful invention, which nevertheless gained a strange, mysterious, and significant value precisely by means of the meticulous and solemn precision with which it was defined and produced. And now there began more lively passages, a restless coming and going of syncopated sound, seeking, wandering, torn by shrieks like a soul in unrest and tormented by some knowledge it possesses and cannot conceal, but must repeat in ever different harmonies, questioning, complaining, protesting, demanding, dying away. The syncopation increased, grew more pronounced, driven hither and thither by scampering triplets; the shrieks of fear recurred, they took form and became melody. There was a moment when they dominated, in a mounting, imploring chorus of wind-instruments that conquered the endlessly thronging, welling, wandering, vanishing harmonies, and swelled out in unmistakable simple rhythms&#8212;a crushed, childlike, imposing, imploring chorale. This concluded with a sort of ecclesiastical cadence. A &lt;i&gt;fermate&lt;/i&gt; followed, a silence. And then, quite softly, in a timbre of dull silver, there came the first &lt;i&gt;motif&lt;/i&gt; again, the paltry invention, a figure either tiresome or obscure, a sweet, sentimental dying-away of one tone into another. This was followed by a tremendous uproar, a wild activity, punctuated by notes like fanfares, expressive of violent resolve. What was coming? Then came horns again, sounding the march; there was an assembling, a concentrating, firm, consolidated rhythms; and a new figure began, a bold improvisation, a sort of lively, stormy hunting song. There was no joy in this hunting song; its note was one of defiant despair. Signals sounded through it; yet they were not only signals but cries of fear; while throughout, winding through it all, through all the writhen, bizarre harmonies, came again that mysterious first &lt;i&gt;motif&lt;/i&gt;, wandering in despair, torturingly sweet. And now began a ceaseless hurry of events whose sense and meaning could not be guessed, a restless flood of sound-adventures, rhythms, harmonies, welling up uncontrolled from the keyboard, as they shaped themselves under Hanno's labouring fingers. He experienced them, as it were; he did not know them beforehand. He sat a little bent over the keys, with parted lips and deep, far gaze, his brown hair covering his forehead with its soft curls. What was the meaning of what he played? Were these images of fearful difficulties surmounted flames passed through and torrents swum, castles stormed and dragons slain? But always&#8212;now like a yelling laugh, now like an ineffably sweet promise&#8212;the original &lt;i&gt;motif&lt;/i&gt; wound through it all, the pitiful phrase with its notes melting into one another! Now the music seemed to rouse itself to new and gigantic efforts: wild runs in octaves followed, sounding like shrieks; an irresistible mounting, a chromatic upward struggle, a wild relentless longing, abruptly broken by startling, arresting pianissimi which gave a sensation as if the ground were disappearing from beneath one's feet, or like a sudden abandonment and sinking into a gulf of desire. Once, far off and softly warning, sounded the first chords of the imploring prayer; but the flood of rising cacophonies overwhelmed them with their rolling, streaming, clinging, sinking, and struggling up again, as they fought on toward the end that must come, must come this very moment, at the height of this fearful climax&#8212;for the pressure of longing had become intolerable. And it came; it could no longer be kept back&#8212;those spasms of yearning could not be prolonged. And it came as though curtains were rent apart, doors sprang open, thorn-hedges parted of themselves, walls of flame sank down. The resolution, the redemption, the complete fulfilment&#8212;a chorus of jubilation burst forth, and everything resolved itself in a harmony&#8212;and the harmony, in sweet &lt;i&gt;ritardando&lt;/i&gt;, at once sank into another. It was the &lt;i&gt;motif&lt;/i&gt;, the &lt;i&gt;first motif&lt;/i&gt;! And now began a festival, a triumph, an unbounded orgy of this very figure, which now displayed a wealth of dynamic colour which passed through every octave, wept and shivered in tremolo, sang, rejoiced, and sobbed in exultation, triumphantly adorned with all the bursting, tinkling, foaming, purling resources of orchestral pomp. The fanatical worship of this worthless trifle, this scrap of melody, this brief, childish harmonic invention only a bar and a half in length, had about it something stupid and gross, and at the same time something ascetic and religious&#8212;something that contained the essence of faith and renunciation. There was a quality of the perverse in the insatiability with which it was produced and revelled in: there was a sort of cynical despair; there was a longing for joy, a yielding to desire, in the way the last drop of sweetness was, as it were, extracted from the melody, till exhaustion, disgust, and satiety supervened. Then, at last; at last, in the weariness after excess, a long, soft arpeggio in the minor trickled through, mounted a tone, resolved itself in the major, and died in mournful lingering away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hanno sat still a moment, his chin on his breast, his hands in his lap. Then he got up and closed the instrument. He was very pale, there was no strength in his knees, and his eyes were burning. He went into the next room, stretched himself on the chaise-lounge, and remained for a long time motionless.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Later there was supper, and he played a game of chess with his mother, at which neither side won. But until after midnight he still sat in his room, before his harmonium, and played&#8212;played in thought only, for he must make no noise. He did this despite his firm intention to get up the next morning at half-past five, to do some most necessary preparation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This was one day in the life of little Johann.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Cases of typhoid fever take the following course.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The patient feels depressed and moody&#8212;a condition which grows rapidly worse until it amounts to acute despondency. At the same time he is overpowered by physical weariness, not only of the muscles and sinews, but also of the organic functions, in particular of the digestion&#8212;so that the stomach refuses food. There is a great desire for sleep, but even in conditions of extreme fatigue the sleep is restless and superficial and not refreshing. There is pain in the head, the brain feels dull and confused, and there are spells of giddiness. An indefinite ache is felt in all the bones. There is blood from the nose now and then, without apparent cause.&#8212; This is the onset.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then comes a violent chill which seizes the whole body and makes the teeth chatter; the fever sets in, and is immediately at its height. Little red spots appear on the breast and abdomen, about the size of a lentil. They go away when pressed by the finger, but return at once. The pulse is unsteady; there are about a hundred pulsations to the minute. The temperature goes up to 104&#176;. Thus passes the first week.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the second week the patient is free from pain in the head and limbs; but the giddiness is distinctly worse, and there is so much humming in the ears that he is practically deaf. The facial expression becomes dull, the mouth stands open, the eyes are without life. The consciousness is blurred, desire for sleep takes entire possession of the patient, and he often sinks, not into actual sleep, but into a leaden lethargy. At other intervals there are the loud and excited ravings of delirium. The patient's helplessness is complete, and his uncleanliness becomes repulsive. His gums, teeth, and tongue are covered with a blackish deposit which makes his breath foul. He lies motionless on his back, with distended abdomen. He has sunk down in the bed, with his knees wide apart. Pulse and breathing are rapid, jerky, superficial and laboured; the pulse is fluttering, and gallops one hundred and twenty to the minute. The eyelids are half-closed, the cheeks are no longer glowing, but have assumed a bluish colour. The red spots on breast and abdomen are more numerous. The temperature reaches 105.8&#176;.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the third week the weakness is at its height. The patient raves no longer: who can say whether his spirit is sunk in empty night or whether it lingers, remote from the flesh, in far, deep, quiet dreams, of which he gives no sound and no sign? He lies in total insensibility. This is the crisis of the disease.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In individual cases the diagnosis is sometimes rendered more difficult; as, for example, when the early symptoms&#8212;depression, weariness, lack of appetite, headache and unquiet sleep&#8212;are nearly all present while the patient is still going about in his usual health; when they are scarcely noticeable as anything out of the common, even if they are suddenly and definitely increased. But a clever doctor, of real scientific acumen&#8212;like, for example, Dr. Langhals, the good-looking Dr. Langhals with the small, hairy hands&#8212;will still be in a position to call the case by its right name; and the appearance of the red spots on the chest and abdomen will be conclusive evidence that his diagnosis was correct. He will know what measures to take and what remedies to apply. He will arrange for a large, well-aired room, the temperature of which must not be higher than 70&#176;. He will insist on absolute cleanliness, and by means of frequent shifting and changes of linen will keep the patient free from bedsores&#8212;if possible; in some cases it is not possible. He will have the mouth frequently cleansed with moist linen rags. As for treatment, preparations of iodine, potash, quinine, and antipyrin are indicated&#8212;with a diet as light and nourishing as possible, for the patient's stomach and bowels are profoundly attacked by the disease. He will treat the consuming fever by means of frequent baths, into which the patient will often be put every three hours, day and night, cooling them gradually from the foot end of the tub, and always, after each bath, administering something stimulating, like brandy or champagne.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But all these remedies he uses entirely at random, in the hope that they may be of some use in the case; ignorant whether any one of them will have the slightest effect. For there is one thing which he does not know at all; with respect to one fact, he labours in complete darkness. Up to the third week, up to the very crisis of the disease, he cannot possibly tell whether this illness, which he calls typhoid, is an unfortunate accident, the disagreeable consequence of an infection which might perhaps have been avoided, and which can be combated with the resources of medical science; or whether it is, quite simply, a form of dissolution, the garment, as it were, of death. And then, whether death choose to assume this form or another is all the same&#8212;against him there is no remedy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Cases of typhoid take the following course:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the fever is at its height, life calls to the patient: calls out to him as he wanders in his distant dream, and summons him in no uncertain voice. The harsh, imperious call reaches the spirit on that remote path that leads into the shadows, the coolness and peace. He hears the call of life, the clear, fresh, mocking summons to return to that distant scene which he has already left so far behind him, and already forgotten. And there may well up in him something like a feeling of shame for a neglected duty; a sense of renewed energy, courage, and hope; he may recognize a bond existing still between him and that stirring, colourful, callous existence which he thought he had left so far behind him. Then, however far he may have wandered on his distant path, he will turn back&#8212;and live. But if he shudders when he hears life's voice, if the memory of that vanished scene and the sound of that lusty summons make him shake his head, make him put out his hand to ward it off as he flies forward in the way of escape that has opened to him&#8212;then it is clear that the patient will die.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;It is not right, it is not right, Gerda,&#8221; said old Fr&#228;ulein Weichbrodt, perhaps for the hundredth time. Her voice was full of reproach and distress. She had a sofa place to-day in the circle that sat round the centre-table in the drawing-room of her former pupil. Gerda Buddenbrook, Frau Permaneder, her daughter Erica, poor Clothilde, and the three Misses Buddenbrook made up the group. The green cap-strings still fell down upon the old lady's childish shoulders; but she had grown so tiny, with her seventy-five years of life, that she could scarcely raise her elbow high enough to gesticulate above the surface of the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it is not right, and so I tell you, Gerda,&#8221; she repeated. She spoke with such warmth that her voice trembled. &#8220;I have one foot in the grave, my time is short&#8212;and you can think of leaving me&#8212;of leaving us all&#8212;for ever! If it were just a visit to Amsterdam that you were thinking of&#8212;but to leave us for ever&#8212;!&#8221; She shook her bird-like old head vigorously, and her brown eyes were clouded with her distress. &#8220;It is true, you have lost a great deal&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, she has not lost a great deal, she has lost everything,&#8221; said Frau Permaneder. &#8220;We must not be selfish, Therese. Gerda wishes to go, and she is going&#8212;that is all. She came with Thomas, one-and-twenty years ago; and we all loved her, though she very likely didn't like any of us.&#8212;No, you didn't, Gerda; don't deny it!&#8212;But Thomas is no more&#8212;and nothing is any more. What are we to her? Nothing. We feel it very much, we cannot help feeling it; but yet I say, go, with God's blessing, Gerda, and thanks for not going before, when Thomas died.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was an autumn evening, after supper. Little Johann (Justus, Johann, Kaspar) had been lying for nearly six months, equipped with the blessing of Pastor Pringsheim, out there at the edge of the little grove, beneath the sandstone cross, beneath the family arms. The rain rustled the half-leafless trees in the avenue, and sometimes gusts of wind drove it against the window-panes. All eight ladies were dressed in black.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The little family had gathered to take leave of Gerda Buddenbrook, who was about to leave the town and return to Amsterdam, to play duets once more with her old father. No duties now restrained her. Frau Permaneder could no longer oppose her decision. She said it was right, she knew it must be so; but in her heart she mourned over her sister-in-law's departure. If the Senator's widow had remained in the town, and kept her station and her place in society, and left her property where it was, there would still have remained a little prestige to the family name. But let that be as it must, Frau Antonie was determined to hold her head high while she lived and there were people to look at her. Had not her grandfather driven with four horses all over the country?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Despite the stormy life that lay behind her, and despite her weak digestion, she did not look her fifty years. Her skin was a little faded and downy, and a few hairs grew on her upper lip&#8212;the pretty upper lip of Tony Buddenbrook. But there was not a white hair in the smooth coiffure beneath the mourning cap.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Poor Clothilde bore up under the departure of her relative, as one must bear up under the afflictions of this life. She took it with patience and tranquillity. She had done wonders at the supper table, and now she sat among the others, lean and grey as of yore, and her words were drawling and friendly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Erica Weinschenk, now thirty-one years old, was likewise not one to excite herself unduly over her aunt's departure. She had lived through worse things, and had early learned resignation. Submission was her strongest characteristic: one read it in her weary light-blue eyes&#8212;the eyes of Bendix Gr&#252;nlich&#8212;and heard it in the tones of her patient, sometimes plaintive voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The three Misses Buddenbrook, Uncle Gotthold's daughters, wore their old affronted and critical air; Friederike and Henriette, the eldest, had grown leaner and more angular with the years; while Pfiffi, the youngest, now fifty-three years old, was much too little and fat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Old Frau Consul Kr&#246;ger, Uncle Justus' widow, had been asked too, but she was rather ailing&#8212;or perhaps she had no suitable gown to put on: one couldn't tell which.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They talked about Gerda's journey and the train she was to take; about the sale of the villa and its furnishings, which Herr Gosch had undertaken. For Gerda was taking nothing with her&#8212;she was going away as she had come.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then Frau Permaneder began to talk about life. She was very serious and made observations upon the past and the future&#8212;though of the future there was in truth almost nothing to be said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When I am dead,&#8221; she declared, &#8220;Erica may move away if she likes. But as for me, I cannot live anywhere else; and so long as I am on earth, we will come together here, we who are left. Once a week you will come to dinner with me&#8212;and we will read the family papers.&#8221; She put her hand on the portfolio that lay before her on the table. &#8220;Yes, Gerda, I will take them over, and be glad to have them. Well, that is settled. Do you hear, Tilda? Though it might exactly as well be you who should invite us, for you are just as well off as we are now. Yes&#8212;so it goes. I've struggled against fate, and done my best, and you have just sat there and waited for everything to come round. But you are a goose, you know, all the same&#8212;please don't mind if I say so&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Tony,&#8221; Clothilde said, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am sorry I cannot say good-bye to Christian,&#8221; said Gerda, and the talk turned aside to that subject. There was small prospect of his ever coming out of the institution in which he was confined, although he was probably not too bad to go about in freedom. But the present state of things was very agreeable for his wife. She was, Frau Permaneder asserted, in league with the doctor; and Christian would, in all probability, end his days where he was.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a pause. They touched delicately and with hesitation upon recent events, and when one of them let fall little Johann's name, it was still in the room, except for the sound of the rain, which fell faster than before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This silence lay like a heavy secret over the events of Hanno's last illness. It must have been a frightful onslaught. They did not look in each other's eyes as they talked; their voices were hushed, and their words were broken. But they spoke of one last episode&#8212;the visit of the little ragged count who had almost forced his way to Hanno's bedside. Hanno had smiled when he heard his voice, though he hardly knew any one; and Kai had kissed his hands again and again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He kissed his hands?&#8221; asked the Buddenbrook ladies.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, over and over.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They all thought for a while of this strange thing, and then suddenly Frau Permaneder burst into tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I loved him so much,&#8221; she sobbed. &#8220;You don't any of you know how much&#8212;more than any of you&#8212;yes, forgive me, Gerda&#8212;you are his mother.&#8212;Oh, he was an angel.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is an angel, now,&#8221; corrected Sesemi.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hanno, little Hanno,&#8221; went on Frau Permaneder, the tears flowing down over her soft faded cheeks. &#8220;Tom, Father, Grandfather, and all the rest! Where are they? We shall see them no more. Oh, it is so sad, so hard!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There will be a reunion,&#8221; said Friederike Buddenbrook. She folded her hands in her lap, cast down her eyes, and put her nose in the air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes&#8212;they say so.&#8212;Oh, there are times, Friederike, when that is no consolation, God forgive me! When one begins to doubt&#8212;doubt justice and goodness&#8212;and everything. Life crushes so much in us, it destroys so many of our beliefs&#8212;! A reunion&#8212;if that were so&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But now Sesemi Weichbrodt stood up, as tall as ever she could. She stood on tip-toe, rapped on the table; the cap shook on her old head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It &lt;i&gt;is so&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; she said, with her whole strength; and looked at them all with a challenge in her eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She stood there, a victor in the good fight which all her life she had waged against the assaults of Reason: hump-backed, tiny, quivering with the strength of her convictions, a little prophetess, admonishing and inspired.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;THE END&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;below&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;E-BOOK&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;div class='spip_document_10673 spip_document spip_documents spip_document_file spip_documents_center spip_document_center spip_document_avec_legende' data-legende-len=&#034;23&#034; data-legende-lenx=&#034;&#034;
&gt;
&lt;figure class=&#034;spip_doc_inner&#034;&gt;
&lt;a href='https://www.prosperosisle.org/IMG/epub/buddenbrooks.epub?10673/2420cdf3368ca24aee9b3c978a19cd1091a82d871647b3c04ef9d64dec648201' class=&#034; spip_doc_lien&#034; title='EPUB - 668.2 KiB' type=&#034;application/epub+zip&#034;&gt;&lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L64xH64/epub-e5bbb.svg?1777976333' width='64' height='64' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;
&lt;figcaption class='spip_doc_legende'&gt; &lt;div class='spip_doc_titre '&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&#034;Buddenbrooks&#034; e-book
&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/div&gt; &lt;/figcaption&gt;&lt;/figure&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;FOOTNOTES&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;All of the footnotes have been added specially for this edition&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/div&gt;
		&lt;hr /&gt;
		&lt;div class='rss_notes'&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb1&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh1&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 1&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;1&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;C'est la question, ma tr&#232;s ch&#232;re demoiselle&lt;/i&gt;! &#8211; that's the question, my dear girl!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb2&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh2&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 2&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;2&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Excusez, mon cher!... Mais c'est une folie&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; excuse me, my dear &#8230; but that's crazy!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb3&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh3&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 3&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;3&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;engouement&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; enthusiasm, keen interest&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb4&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh4&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 4&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;4&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Les Allemands aiment beaucoup ces petits Napol&#233;ons, n'est-ce pas? &#8230; Oui, Sire, plus que le Grand&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; the Germans like these little Napoleons a lot, don't they?...Yes, Sir, more thand the big one!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb5&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh5&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 5&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;5&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;gesegnete Mahlzeit&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; bless this meal&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb6&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh6&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 6&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;6&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;carambolage&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; a card game (vehicle crash)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb7&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh7&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 7&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;7&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Assez&lt;/i&gt;, I say. &lt;i&gt;N'en parlons plus&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; Enough, I say! Let's dismiss the matter.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb8&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh8&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 8&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;8&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;faux-frais &#8211; false expenses&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb9&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh9&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 9&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;9&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;pastor&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; shepherd (Latin)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb10&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh10&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 10&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;10&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;comme il faut&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; proper, as it shoud be&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb11&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh11&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 11&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;11&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Quousque tandem&#8212;Catalina&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; how long, Catalina&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb12&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh12&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 12&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;12&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;studiosus juris&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; student of law&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb13&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh13&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 13&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;13&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;accouchement&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; birth&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb14&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh14&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 14&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;14&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;canaille&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; (low) scoundrel/rat/skunk&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb15&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh15&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 15&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;15&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;gr&#252;ss Gott&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; greetings, good day&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb16&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh16&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 16&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;16&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;ceterum censeo&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; I think, nevertheless&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb17&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh17&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 17&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;17&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;causeur&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; conversationalist&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb18&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh18&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 18&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;18&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;quand m&#234;me&lt;/i&gt; - nevertheless&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb19&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh19&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 19&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;19&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;dos&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; dowry (Latin)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb20&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh20&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 20&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;20&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;pastor marianus&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; marial shepherd&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb21&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh21&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 21&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;21&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;beaux yeux&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; beautiful eyes&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb22&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh22&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 22&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;22&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;pavor&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; terror&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb23&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh23&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 23&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;23&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Strenge Satz&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; strict adherence to the rules&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb24&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh24&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 24&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;24&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;pavor nocturnus&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; night terror&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb25&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh25&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 25&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;25&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;peu &#224; peu&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; little by little&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb26&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh26&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 26&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;26&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;pensionnat&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; boarding-house&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb27&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh27&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 27&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;27&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;dehors&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; outward appearance&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb28&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh28&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 28&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;28&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Fliegende Bl&#228;tter&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; the Flying Gazette&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb29&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh29&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 29&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;29&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Realschule&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; secondary school, high school&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb30&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh30&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 30&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;30&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;embonpoint&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; portliness&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb31&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh31&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 31&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;31&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;ordinarius&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; regular&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb32&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh32&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 32&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;32&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Aurea prima sata est &#230;tas&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; The golden age is first sown&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb33&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh33&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 33&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;33&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;cretin&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; idiot&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb34&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh34&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 34&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;34&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Si tacuisses&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; if you had been silent&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb35&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh35&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 35&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;35&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Du, du, liegst mir am Herzen&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; you are dear to my heart&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb36&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh36&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 36&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;36&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;patula Jovis arbore&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; Jupiter's tree spread out&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;
		
		</content:encoded>


		

	</item>
<item xml:lang="en">
		<title>&#034;Hunger&#034; by Knut Hamsun (1890)</title>
		<link>https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?article1448</link>
		<guid isPermaLink="true">https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?article1448</guid>
		<dc:date>2026-06-30T06:28:26Z</dc:date>
		<dc:format>text/html</dc:format>
		<dc:language>en</dc:language>
		<dc:creator>Knut Hamsun</dc:creator>



		<description>
&lt;p&gt;This was the great Norwegian writer's first novel published under his own name &#8211; and what a novel! No doubt somewhat autobiographical, it describes the fight against hunger of a penniless young journalist-writer in the poverty-stricken northern Norwegian town of Christiana who is slowly starving to death for want of food. His fight against the pangs of hunger and his whole relationship with life via the need for nourishment is described in a most effective factual and laconic way that (&#8230;)&lt;/p&gt;


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&lt;a href="https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?rubrique36" rel="directory"&gt;Novels&lt;/a&gt;


		</description>


 <content:encoded>&lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L88xH150/hunger_-_e-book_cover-e4b29.png?1782805686' class='spip_logo spip_logo_right' width='88' height='150' alt=&#034;&#034; /&gt;
		&lt;div class='rss_texte'&gt;&lt;p&gt;This was the great Norwegian writer's first novel published under his own name &#8211; and what a novel! No doubt somewhat autobiographical, it describes the fight against hunger of a penniless young journalist-writer in the poverty-stricken northern Norwegian town of Christiana who is slowly starving to death for want of food. His fight against the pangs of hunger and his whole relationship with life via the need for nourishment is described in a most effective factual and laconic way that carries all the more weight because of its understatement tone.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Never before or since &#8211; with the possible exception of Kafka's memorable story &lt;a href='https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?article1099' class=&#034;spip_in&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt; &lt;i&gt;The Hunger Artist&lt;/i&gt; &lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt; on the same theme &#8211; has the vital act of eating been explored in such a powerful, profound way. This is a book both for weight-watchers &#8211; if he can get by with so little food for so long, why can't I cut down a bit? - and gourmets, who are sometimes almost as passionate about the act of eating as the hero of this book.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;An enriching reading experience indeed.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;(66,000 words)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Translated from the Norwegian by George Egerton, London, 1899.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;An e-book is available for downloading &lt;a href=&#034;#below&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;below&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;&lt;div class='spip_document_10655 spip_document spip_documents spip_document_image spip_documents_center spip_document_center'&gt;
&lt;figure class=&#034;spip_doc_inner&#034;&gt; &lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L304xH500/7f5293de20da44a5-16b693b5-88e26.jpg?1779715318' width='304' height='500' alt='' /&gt;
&lt;/figure&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;TABLE OF CONTENTS&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTI&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART I&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&#8288;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTII&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART II&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&#8288;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTIII&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART III&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&#8288;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTIV&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART IV&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&#8288;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTI&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It was during the time I wandered about and starved in Christiania: Christiania, this singular city, from which no man departs without carrying away the traces of his sojourn there.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I was lying awake in my attic and I heard a clock below strike six. It was already broad daylight, and people had begun to go up and down the stairs. By the door where the wall of the room was papered with old numbers of the &lt;i&gt;Morgenbladet&lt;/i&gt;, I could distinguish clearly a notice from the Director of Lighthouses, and a little to the left of that an inflated advertisement of Fabian Olsens' new-baked bread.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The instant I opened my eyes I began, from sheer force of habit, to think if I had anything to rejoice over that day. I had been somewhat hard-up lately, and one after the other of my belongings had been taken to my &#034;Uncle.&#034; I had grown nervous and irritable. A few times I had kept my bed for the day with vertigo. Now and then, when luck had favoured me, I had managed to get five shillings for a &lt;i&gt;feuilleton&lt;/i&gt; from some newspaper or other.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It grew lighter and lighter, and I took to reading the advertisements near the door. I could even make out the grinning lean letters of &#034;winding-sheets to be had at Miss Andersens&#034; on the right of it. That occupied me for a long while. I heard the clock below strike eight as I got up and put on my clothes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I opened the window and looked out. From where I was standing I had a view of a clothesline and an open field. Farther away lay the ruins of a burnt-out smithy, which some labourers were busy clearing away. I leant with my elbows resting on the window-frame and gazed into open space. It promised to be a clear day&#8212;autumn, that tender, cool time of the year, when all things change their colour, and die, had come to us. The ever-increasing noise in the streets lured me out. The bare room, the floor of which rocked up and down with every step I took across it, seemed like a gaping sinister coffin. There was no proper fastening to the door, either, and no stove. I used to lie on my socks at night to dry them a little by the morning. The only thing I had to divert myself with was a little red rocking-chair, in which I used to sit in the evenings and doze and muse on all manner of things. When it blew hard, and the door below stood open, all kinds of eerie sounds moaned up through the floor and from out the walls, and the &lt;i&gt;Morgenbladet&lt;/i&gt; near the door was rent in strips a span long.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stood up and searched through a bundle in the corner by the bed for a bite for breakfast, but finding nothing, went back to the window.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
God knows, thought I, if looking for employment will ever again avail me aught. The frequent repulses, half-promises, and curt noes, the cherished, deluded hopes, and fresh endeavours that always resulted in nothing had done my courage to death. As a last resource, I had applied for a place as debt collector, but I was too late, and, besides, I could not have found the fifty shillings demanded as security. There was always something or another in my way. I had even offered to enlist in the Fire Brigade. There we stood and waited in the vestibule, some half-hundred men, thrusting our chests out to give an idea of strength and bravery, whilst an inspector walked up and down and scanned the applicants, felt their arms, and put one question or another to them. Me, he passed by, merely shaking his head, saying I was rejected on account of my sight. I applied again without my glasses, stood there with knitted brows, and made my eyes as sharp as needles, but the man passed me by again with a smile; he had recognised me. And, worse than all, I could no longer apply for a situation in the garb of a respectable man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
How regularly and steadily things had gone down-hill with me for a long time, till, in the end, I was so curiously bared of every conceivable thing. I had not even a comb left, not even a book to read, when things grew all too sad with me. All through the summer, up in the churchyards or parks, where I used to sit and write my articles for the newspapers, I had thought out column after column on the most miscellaneous subjects. Strange ideas, quaint fancies, conceits of my restless brain; in despair I had often chosen the most remote themes, that cost me long hours of intense effort, and never were accepted. When one piece was finished I set to work at another. I was not often discouraged by the editors' &#034;no.&#034; I used to tell myself constantly that some day I was bound to succeed; and really occasionally when I was in luck's way, and made a hit with something, I could get five shillings for an afternoon's work.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Once again I raised myself from the window, went over to the washing-stand, and sprinkled some water on the shiny knees of my trousers to dull them a little and make them look a trifle newer. Having done this, I pocketed paper and pencil as usual and went out. I stole very quietly down the stairs in order not to attract my landlady's attention (a few days had elapsed since my rent had fallen due, and I had no longer anything wherewith to raise it).&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was nine o'clock. The roll of vehicles and hum of voices filled the air, a mighty morning-choir mingled with the footsteps of the pedestrians and the crack of the hack-drivers' whips. The clamorous traffic everywhere exhilarated me at once, and I began to feel more and more contented. Nothing was farther from my intention than to merely take a morning walk in the open air. What had the air to do with my lungs? I was strong as a giant; could stop a dray with my shoulders. A sweet, unwonted mood, a feeling of lightsome happy-go-luckiness took possession of me. I fell to observing the people I met and who passed me, to reading the placards on the wall, noted even the impression of a glance thrown at me from a passing tram-car, let each bagatelle, each trifling incident that crossed or vanished from my path impress me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If one only had just a little to eat on such a lightsome day! The sense of the glad morning overwhelmed me; my satisfaction became ill-regulated, and for no definite reason I began to hum joyfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At a butcher's stall a woman stood speculating on sausage for dinner. As I passed her she looked up at me. She had but one tooth in the front of her head. I had become so nervous and easily affected in the last few days that the woman's face made a loathsome impression upon me. The long yellow snag looked like a little finger pointing out of her gum, and her gaze was still full of sausage as she turned it upon me. I immediately lost all appetite, and a feeling of nausea came over me. When I reached the market-place I went to the fountain and drank a little. I looked up; the dial marked ten on Our Saviour's tower.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I went on through the streets, listlessly, without troubling myself about anything at all, stopped aimlessly at a corner, turned off into a side street without having any errand there. I simply let myself go, wandered about in the pleasant morning, swinging myself care-free to and fro amongst other happy human beings. The air was clear and bright, and my mind too was without a shadow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For quite ten minutes I had had an old lame man ahead of me. He carried a bundle in one hand and exerted his whole body, using all his strength in his endeavours to get along speedily. I could hear how he panted from the exertion, and it occurred to me that I might offer to bear his bundle for him, but yet I made no effort to overtake him. Up in Graendsen I met Hans Pauli, who nodded and hurried past me. Why was he in such a hurry? I had not the slightest intention of asking him for a shilling, and, more than that, I intended at the very first opportunity to return him a blanket which I had borrowed from him some weeks before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Just wait until I could get my foot on the ladder, I would be beholden to no man, not even for a blanket. Perhaps even this very day I might commence an article on the &#034;Crimes of Futurity,&#034; &#034;Freedom of Will,&#034; or what not, at any rate, something worth reading, something for which I would at least get ten shillings . . .&#8288;And at the thought of this article I felt myself fired with a desire to set to work immediately and to draw from the contents of my overflowing brain. I would find a suitable place to write in the park and not rest till I had completed my article.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the old cripple was still making the same sprawling movements ahead of me up the street. The sight of this infirm creature constantly in front of me, commenced to irritate me&#8212;his journey seemed endless; perhaps he had made up his mind to go to exactly the same place as I had, and I must needs have him before my eyes the whole way. In my irritation it seemed to me that he slackened his pace a little at every cross street, as if waiting to see which direction I intended to take, upon which he would again swing his bundle in the air and peg away with all his might to keep ahead of me. I follow and watch this tiresome creature and get more and more exasperated with him, I am conscious that he has, little by little, destroyed my happy mood and dragged the pure beautiful morning down to the level of his own ugliness. He looks like a great sprawling reptile striving with might and main to win a place in the world and reserve the footpath for himself. When we reached the top of the hill I determined to put up with it no longer. I turned to a shop window and stopped in order to give him an opportunity of getting ahead, but when, after a lapse of some minutes, I again walked on there was the man still in front of me&#8212;he too had stood stock still,&#8212;without stopping to reflect I made three or four furious onward strides, caught him up, and slapped him on the shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He stopped directly, and we both stared at one another fixedly. &#034;A halfpenny for milk!&#034; he whined, twisting his head askew.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So that was how the wind blew. I felt in my pockets and said: &#034;For milk, eh? Hum-m&#8212;money's scarce these times, and I don't really know how much you are in need of it.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I haven't eaten a morsel since yesterday in Drammen; I haven't got a farthing, nor have I got any work yet!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Are you an artisan?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; a binder.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;A what?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;A shoe-binder; for that matter, I can make shoes too.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah, that alters the case,&#034; said I, &#034;you wait here for some minutes and I shall go and get a little money for you; just a few pence.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I hurried as fast as I could down Pyle Street, where I knew of a pawnbroker on a second-floor (one, besides, to whom I had never been before). When I got inside the hall I hastily took off my waistcoat, rolled it up, and put it under my arm; after which I went upstairs and knocked at the office door. I bowed on entering, and threw the waistcoat on the counter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;One-and-six,&#034; said the man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, yes, thanks,&#034; I replied. &#034;If it weren't that it was beginning to be a little tight for me, of course I wouldn't part with it.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I got the money and the ticket, and went back. Considering all things, pawning that waistcoat was a capital notion. I would have money enough over for a plentiful breakfast, and before evening my thesis on the &#034;Crimes of Futurity&#034; would be ready. I began to find existence more alluring; and I hurried back to the man to get rid of him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;There it is,&#034; said I. &#034;I am glad you applied to me first.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The man took the money and scrutinised me closely. At what was he standing there staring? I had a feeling that he particularly examined the knees of my trousers, and his shameless effrontery bored me. Did the scoundrel imagine that I really was as poor as I looked? Had I not as good as begun to write an article for half-a-sovereign? Besides, I had no fear whatever for the future. I had many irons in the fire. What on earth business was it of an utter stranger if I chose to stand him a drink on such a lovely day? The man's look annoyed me, and I made up my mind to give him a good dressing-down before I left him. I threw back my shoulders, and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;My good fellow, you have adopted a most unpleasant habit of staring at a man's knees when he gives you a shilling.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He leant his head back against the wall and opened his mouth widely; something was working in that empty pate of his, and he evidently came to the conclusion that I meant to best him in some way, for he handed me back the money. I stamped on the pavement, and, swearing at him, told him to keep it. Did he imagine I was going to all that trouble for nothing? If all came to all, perhaps I owed him this shilling; I had just recollected an old debt; he was standing before an honest man, honourable to his finger-tips&#8212;in short, the money was his. Oh, no thanks were needed; it had been a pleasure to me. Good-bye!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I went on. At last I was freed from this work-ridden plague, and I could go my way in peace. I turned down Pyle Street again, and stopped before a grocer's shop. The whole window was filled with eatables, and I decided to go in and get something to take with me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;A piece of cheese and a French roll,&#034; I said, and threw my sixpence on to the counter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Bread and cheese for the whole of it?&#034; asked the woman, ironically, without looking up at me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;For the whole sixpence? Yes,&#034; I answer, unruffled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I took them up, bade the fat old woman good-morning, with the utmost politeness, and sped, full tilt, up Castle Hill to the park.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I found a bench to myself, and began to bite greedily into my provender. It did me good; it was a long time since I had had such a square meal, and, by degrees, I felt the same sated quiet steal over me that one feels after a good long cry. My courage rose mightily. I could no longer be satisfied with writing an article about anything so simple and straight-ahead as the &#034;Crimes of Futurity,&#034; that any ass might arrive at, ay, simply deduct from history. I felt capable of a much greater effort than that; I was in a fitting mood to overcome difficulties, and I decided on a treatise, in three sections, on &#034;Philosophical Cognition.&#034; This would, naturally, give me an opportunity of crushing pitiably some of Kant's sophistries . . . but, on taking out my writing materials to commence work, I discovered that I no longer owned a pencil: I had forgotten it in the pawn-office. My pencil was lying in my waistcoat pocket.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Good Lord! how everything seems to take a delight in thwarting me to-day! I swore a few times, rose from the seat, and took a couple of turns up and down the path. It was very quiet all around me; down near the Queen's arbour two nursemaids were trundling their perambulators; otherwise, there was not a creature anywhere in sight. I was in a thoroughly embittered temper; I paced up and down before my seat like a maniac. How strangely awry things seemed to go! To think that an article in three sections should be downright stranded by the simple fact of my not having a pennyworth of pencil in my pocket. Supposing I were to return to Pyle Street and ask to get my pencil back? There would be still time to get a good piece finished before the promenading public commenced to fill the parks. So much, too, depended on this treatise on &#034;Philosophical Cognition&#034;&#8212;may-hap many human beings' welfare, no one could say; and I told myself it might be of the greatest possible help to many young people. On second thoughts, I would not lay violent hands on Kant; I might easily avoid doing that; I would only need to make an almost imperceptible gliding over when I came to query Time and Space; but I would not answer for Renan, old Parson Renan. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At all events, an article of so-and-so many columns has to be completed. For the unpaid rent, and the landlady's inquiring look in the morning when I met her on the stairs, tormented me the whole day; it rose up and confronted me again and again, even in my pleasant hours, when I had otherwise not a gloomy thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I must put an end to it, so I left the park hurriedly to fetch my pencil from the pawnbroker's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As I arrived at the foot of the hill I overtook two ladies, whom I passed. As I did so, I brushed one of them accidently on the arm. I looked up; she had a full, rather pale, face. But she blushes, and becomes suddenly surprisingly lovely. I know not why she blushes; maybe at some word she hears from a passer-by, maybe only at some lurking thought of her own. Or can it be because I touched her arm? Her high, full bosom heaves violently several times, and she closes her hand tightly about the handle of her parasol. What has come to her?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stopped, and let her pass ahead again. I could, for the moment, go no farther; the whole thing struck me as being so singular. I was in a tantalising mood, annoyed with myself on account of the pencil incident, and in a high degree disturbed by all the food I had taken on a totally empty stomach. Suddenly my thoughts, as if whimsically inspired, take a singular direction. I feel myself seized with an odd desire to make this lady afraid; to follow her, and annoy her in some way. I overtake her again, pass her by, turn quickly round, and meet her face-to-face in order to be able to observe her well. I stand and gaze into her eyes, and hit, on the spur of the moment, on a name which I have never heard before a name with a gliding, nervous sound, Ylajali! When she is quite close to me I draw myself up and say impressively:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You are losing your book, madam!&#034; I could hear my heart beat audibly as I said it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;My book?&#034; she asks her companion, and she walks on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My devilment waxed apace, and I followed them. At the same time, I was fully conscious that I was playing a mad prank without being able to stop myself. My disordered condition ran away with me; I was inspired with the craziest notions, which I followed blindly as they came to me. I couldn't help it, no matter how much I told myself that I was playing the fool. I made the most idiotic grimaces behind the lady's back, and coughed frantically as I passed her by. Walking on in this manner&#8212;very slowly, and always a few steps in advance&#8212;I felt her eyes on my back, and involuntarily put down my head with shame for having caused her annoyance. By degrees, a wonderful feeling stole over me of being far, far away in other places; I had a half-undefined sense that it was not I who was going along over the gravel hanging my head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A few minutes later, they reached Pascha's book-shop. I had already stopped at the first window, and as they go by I step forward and repeat:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You are losing your book, madam!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; what book?&#034; she asks, affrightedly. &#034;Can you make out what book it is he is talking about?&#034; and she comes to a stop.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I hug myself with delight at her confusion; the irresolute perplexity in her eyes positively fascinates me. Her mind cannot grasp my short, passionate address. She has no book with her; not a single page of a book, and yet she fumbles in her pockets, looks down repeatedly at her hands, turns her head and scrutinises the streets behind her, exerts her sensitive little brain to the utmost in trying to discover what book it is I am talking about. Her face changes colour, has now one, now another expression, and she is breathing quite audibly&#8212;even the very buttons on her gown seem to stare at me, like a row of frightened eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Don't bother about him!&#034; says her companion, taking her by the arm. &#034;He is drunk; can't you see that the man is drunk?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Strange as I was at this instant to myself, so absolutely a prey to peculiar invisible inner influences, nothing occurred around me without my observing it. A large, brown dog sprang right across the street towards the shrubbery, and then down towards the Tivoli; he had on a very narrow collar of German silver. Farther up the street a window opened on the second floor, and a servant-maid leant out of it, with her sleeves turned up, and began to clean the panes on the outside. Nothing escaped my notice; I was clear-headed and ready-witted. Everything rushed in upon me with a gleaming distinctness, as if I were suddenly surrounded by a strong light. The ladies before me had each a blue bird's wing in their hats, and a plaid silk ribbon round their necks. It struck me that they were sisters.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They turned, stopped at Cisler's music-shop, and spoke together. I stopped also. Thereupon they both came back, went the same road as they had come, passed me again, and turned the corner of University Street and up towards St Olav's Place. I was all the time as close at their heels as I dared to be. They turned round once, and sent me a half-fearful, half-questioning look, and I saw no resentment nor any trace of a frown in it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This forbearance with my annoyance shamed me thoroughly and made me lower my eyes. I would no longer be a trouble to them, out of sheer gratitude I would follow them with my gaze, not lose sight of them until they entered some place safely, and disappeared.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Outside No. 2, a large four-storeyed house, they turned again before going in. I leant against a lamp-post near the fountain and listened for their footsteps on the stairs. They died away on the second floor. I advanced from the lamp-post and looked up at the house. Then something odd happened. The curtains above were stirred, and a second after a window opened, a head popped out, and two singular-looking eyes dwelt on me. &#034;Ylajali!&#034; I muttered, half-aloud, and I felt I grew red.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Why does she not call for help, or push over one of those flower-pots and strike me on the head, or send someone down to drive me away? We stand and look into one another's eyes without moving; it lasts a minute. Thoughts dart between the window and the street, and not a word is spoken. She turns round, I feel a wrench in me, a delicate shock through my senses; I see a shoulder that turns, a back that disappears across the floor. That reluctant turning from the window, the accentuation in that movement of the shoulders, was like a nod to me. My blood was sensible of the delicate, dainty greeting, and I felt all at once rarely glad. Then I wheeled round and went down the street.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I dared not look back, and knew not if she had returned to the window. The more I considered this question the more nervous and restless I became. Probably at this very moment she was standing watching closely all my movements. It is by no means comfortable to know that you are being watched from behind your back. I pulled myself together as well as I could and proceeded on my way; my legs began to jerk under me, my gait became unsteady just because I purposely tried to make it look well. In order to appear at ease and indifferent, I flung my arms about, spat out, and threw my head well back&#8212;all without avail, for I continually felt the pursuing eyes on my neck, and a cold shiver ran down my back. At length I escaped down a side street, from which I took the road to Pyle Street to get my pencil.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had no difficulty in recovering it; the man brought me the waistcoat himself, and as he did so, begged me to search through all the pockets. I found also a couple of pawn-tickets which I pocketed as I thanked the obliging little man for his civility. I was more and more taken with him, and grew all of a sudden extremely anxious to make a favourable impression on this person. I took a turn towards the door and then back again to the counter as if I had forgotten something. It struck me that I owed him an explanation, that I ought to elucidate matters a little. I began to hum in order to attract his attention. Then, taking the pencil in my hand, I held it up and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It would never have entered my head to come such a long way for any and every bit of pencil, but with this one it was quite a different matter; there was another reason, a special reason. Insignificant as it looked, this stump of pencil had simply made me what I was in the world, so to say, placed me in life.&#034; I said no more. The man had come right over to the counter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Indeed!&#034; said he, and he looked inquiringly at me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It was with this pencil,&#034; I continued, in cold blood, &#034;that I wrote my dissertation on 'Philosophical Cognition,' in three volumes.&#034; Had he never heard mention of it?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, he did seem to remember having heard the name, rather the title.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes,&#034; said I, &#034;that was by me, so it was.&#034; So he must really not be astonished that I should be desirous of having the little bit of pencil back again. I valued it far too highly to lose it; why, it was almost as much to me as a little human creature. For the rest I was honestly grateful to him for his civility, and I would bear him in mind for it. Yes, truly, I really would. A promise was a promise; that was the sort of man I was, and he really deserved it. &#034;Good-bye!&#034; I walked to the door with the bearing of one who had it in his power to place a man in a high position, say, in the fire-office. The honest pawnbroker bowed twice profoundly to me as I withdrew. I turned again and repeated my good-bye.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the stairs I met a woman with a travelling-bag in her hand, who squeezed diffidently against the wall to make room for me, and I voluntarily thrust my hand in my pocket for something to give her, and looked foolish as I found nothing and passed on with my head down. I heard her knock at the office door; there was an alarm over it, and I recognised the jingling sound it gave when any one rapped on the door with their knuckles.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The sun stood in the south; it was about twelve. The whole town began to get on its legs as it approached the fashionable hour for promenading. Bowing and laughing folk walked up and down Carl Johann Street. I stuck my elbows closely to my sides, tried to make myself look small, and slipped unperceived past some acquaintances who had taken up their stand at the corner of University Street to gaze at the passers-by. I wandered up Castle Hill and fell into a reverie.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
How gaily and lightly these people I met carried their radiant heads, and swung themselves through life as through a ball-room. There was no sorrow in a single look I met, no burden on any shoulder, perhaps not even a clouded thought, not a little hidden pain in any of these happy souls. And I, walking in the very midst of these people, young and newly-fledged as I was, had already forgotten the very look of happiness. I hugged these thoughts to myself as I went on, and found that a great injustice had been done me. Why had the last months pressed so strangely hard on me? I failed to recognise my own happy temperament, and I met with the most singular annoyances from all quarters. I could not sit down on a bench by myself or set my foot any place without being assailed by insignificant accidents, miserable details, that forced their way into my imagination and scattered my powers to all the four winds. A dog that dashed by me, a yellow rose in a man's buttonhole, had the power to set my thoughts vibrating and occupy me for a length of time.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;What was it that ailed me? Was the hand of the Lord turned against me? But why just against me? Why, for that matter, not just as well against a man in South America? When I considered the matter over, it grew more and more incomprehensible to me that I of all others should be selected as an experiment for a Creator's whims. It was, to say the least of it, a peculiar mode of procedure to pass over a whole world of other humans in order to reach me. Why not select just as well Bookseller Pascha, or Hennechen the steam agent?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As I went my way I sifted this thing, and could not get quit of it. I found the most weighty arguments against the Creator's arbitrariness in letting me pay for all the others' sins. Even after I had found a seat and sat down, the query persisted in occupying me, and prevented me from thinking of aught else. From the day in May when my ill-luck began I could so clearly notice my gradually increasing debility; I had become, as it were, too languid to control or lead myself whither I would go. A swarm of tiny noxious animals had bored a way into my inner man and hollowed me out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Supposing God Almighty simply intended to annihilate me? I got up and paced backwards and forwards before the seat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My whole being was at this moment in the highest degree of torture, I had pains in my arms, and could hardly bear to hold them in the usual way. I experienced also great discomfort from my last full meal; I was over-sated, and walked backwards and forwards without looking up. The people who came and went around me glided past me like faint gleams. At last my seat was taken up by two men, who lit cigars and began to talk loudly together. I got angry and was on the point of addressing them, but turned on my heel and went right to the other end of the Park, and found another seat. I sat down.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The thought of God began to occupy me. It seemed to me in the highest degree indefensible of Him to interfere every time I sought for a place, and to upset the whole thing, while all the time I was but imploring enough for a daily meal.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had remarked so plainly that, whenever I had been hungry for any length of time, it was just as if my brains ran quite gently out of my head and left me with a vacuum&#8212;my head grew light and far off, I no longer felt its weight on my shoulders, and I had a consciousness that my eyes stared far too widely open when I looked at anything.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sat there on the seat and pondered over all this, and grew more and more bitter against God for His prolonged inflictions. If He meant to draw me nearer to Him, and make me better by exhausting me and placing obstacle after obstacle in my way, I could assure Him He made a slight mistake. And, almost crying with defiance, I looked up towards Heaven and told Him so mentally, once and for all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fragments of the teachings of my childhood ran through my memory. The rhythmical sound of Biblical language sang in my ears, and I talked quite softly to myself, and held my head sneeringly askew. Wherefore should I sorrow for what I eat, for what I drink, or for what I may array this miserable food for worms called my earthly body? Hath not my Heavenly Father provided for me, even as for the sparrow on the house-top, and hath He not in His graciousness pointed towards His lowly servitor. The Lord stuck His finger in the net of my nerves gently&#8212;yea, verily, in desultory fashion&#8212;and brought slight disorder among the threads. And then the Lord withdrew His finger, and there were fibres and delicate root-like filaments adhering to the finger, and they were the nerve-threads of the filaments. And there was a gaping hole after the finger, which was God's finger, and a wound in my brain in the track of His finger. But when God had touched me with His finger, He let me be, and touched me no more, and let no evil befall me; but let me depart in peace, and let me depart with the gaping hole. And no evil hath befallen me from the God who is the Lord God of all Eternity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The sound of music was borne up on the wind to me from the Students' All&#233;e. It was therefore past two o'clock. I took out my writing materials to try to write something, and at the same time my book of shaving-tickets&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb1&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;my book of shaving-tickets - issued by the barbers at cheaper rates, as few (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh1&#034;&gt;1&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; fell out of my pocket. I opened it, and counted the tickets; there were six. &#034;The Lord be praised,&#034; I exclaimed involuntarily; &#034;I can still get shaved for a couple of weeks, and look a little decent&#034;; and I immediately fell into a better frame of mind on account of this little property which still remained to me. I smoothed the leaves out carefully, and put the book safely into my pocket.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But write I could not. After a few lines nothing seemed to occur to me; my thoughts ran in other directions, and I could not pull myself together enough for any special exertion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everything influenced and distracted me; everything I saw made a fresh impression on me. Flies and tiny mosquitoes stick fast to the paper and disturb me. I blow at them to get rid of them&#8212;blow harder and harder; to no purpose, the little pests throw themselves on their backs, make themselves heavy, and fight against me until their slender legs bend. They are not to be moved from the spot; they find something to hook on to, set their heels against a comma or an unevenness in the paper, or stand immovably still until they themselves think fit to go their way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
These insects continued to busy me for a long time, and I crossed my legs to observe them at leisure. All at once a couple of high clarionet notes wavered up to me from the bandstand, and gave my thoughts a new impulse.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Despondent at not being able to put my article together, I replaced the paper in my pocket, and leant back in the seat At this instant my head is so clear that I can follow the most delicate train of thought without tiring. As I lie in this position, and let my eyes glide down my breast and along my legs, I notice the jerking movement my foot makes each time my pulse beats. I half rise and look down at my feet, and I experience at this moment a fantastic and singular feeling that I have never felt before&#8212;a delicate, wonderful shock through my nerves, as if sparks of cold light quivered through them&#8212;it was as if in catching sight of my shoes I had met with a kind old acquaintance, or got back a part of myself that had been riven loose. A feeling of recognition trembles through my senses; the tears well up in my eyes, and I have a feeling as if my shoes are a soft, murmuring strain rising towards me. &#034;Weakness!&#034; I cried harshly to myself, and I clenched my fists and I repeated &#034;Weakness!&#034; I laughed at myself, for this ridiculous feeling, made fun of myself, with a perfect consciousness of doing so, talked very severely and sensibly, and closed my eyes very tightly to get rid of the tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As if I had never seen my shoes before, I set myself to study their looks, their characteristics, and, when I stir my foot, their shape and their worn uppers. I discover that their creases and white seams give them expression&#8212;impart a physiognomy to them. Something of my own nature had gone over into these shoes; they affected me, like a ghost of my other I&#8212;a breathing portion of my very self.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sat and toyed with these fancies a long time, perhaps an entire hour. A little, old man came and took up the other end of the seat; as he seated himself he panted after his walk, and muttered:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay; very true!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As soon as I heard his voice, I felt as if a wind had swept through my head. I let shoes be shoes, and it seemed to me that the distracted phase of mind I had just experienced dated from a long-vanished period, maybe a year or two back, and was about to be quietly effaced from my memory. I began to observe the old fellow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Did this little man concern me in any way? Not in the least, not in the very slightest degree! Only that he held a newspaper in his hand, an old number (with the advertisement sheet on the outside), in which something or other seemed to be rolled up; my curiosity was aroused, and I could not take my eyes away from this paper. The insane idea entered my head that it might be a quite peculiar newspaper&#8212;unique of its kind. My curiosity increased, and I began to move backwards and forwards on the seat. It might contain deeds, dangerous documents stolen from some archives or other; something floated before me about a secret treaty&#8212;a conspiracy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The man sat quietly, and pondered. Why did he not carry his newspaper as every other person carries a paper, with its name out? What species of cunning lurked under that? He did not seem either to like letting his package out of his hands, not for anything in the world; perhaps he did not even dare trust it into his own pocket. I could stake my life there was something at the bottom of that package&#8212;I considered a bit. Just the fact of finding it so impossible to penetrate this mysterious affair distracted me with curiosity. I searched my pockets for something to offer the man in order to enter into conversation with him, took hold of my shaving-book, but put it back again. Suddenly it entered my head to be utterly audacious; I slapped my empty breast-pocket, and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;May I offer you a cigarette?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Thank you!&#034; The man did not smoke; he had to give it up to spare his eyes; he was nearly blind. Thank you very much all the same. Was it long since his eyes got bad? In that case, perhaps, he could not read either, not even a paper?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No, not even the newspaper, more's the pity. The man looked at me; his weak eyes were each covered with a film which gave them a glassy appearance; his gaze grew bleary, and made a disgusting impression on me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You are a stranger here?&#034; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes.&#034; Could he not even read the name of the paper he held in his hand?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Barely.&#034; For that matter, he could hear directly that I was a stranger. There was something in my accent which told him. It did not need much; he could hear so well. At night, when everyone slept, he could hear people in the next room breathing. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What I was going to say was, 'where do you live?'&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the spur of the moment a lie stood, ready-made, in my head. I lied involuntarily, without any object, without any arri&#232;re pens&#233;e, and I answered&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;St Olav's Place, No. 2.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Really?&#034; He knew every stone in St Olav's Place. There was a fountain, some lamp-posts, a few trees; he remembered all of it. &#034;What number do you live in?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Desirous to put an end to this, I got up. But my notion about the newspaper had driven me to my wits' end; I resolved to clear the thing up, at no matter what cost.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;When you cannot read the paper, why&#8212;&#8212;&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;In No. 2, I think you said,&#034; continued the man, without noticing my disturbance. &#034;There was a time I knew every person in No. 2; what is your landlord's name?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I quickly found a name to get rid of him; invented one on the spur of the moment, and blurted it out to stop my tormentor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Happolati!&#034; said I.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Happolati, ay!&#034; nodded the man; and he never missed a syllable in this difficult name.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I looked at him with amazement; there he sat, gravely, with a considering air. Before I had well given utterance to the stupid name which jumped into my head the man had accommodated himself to it, and pretended to have heard it before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the meantime, he had laid his package on the seat, and I felt my curiosity quiver through my nerves. I noticed there were a few grease spots on the paper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Isn't he a sea-faring man, your landlord?&#034; queried he, and there was not a trace of suppressed irony in his voice; &#034;I seem to remember he was.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Sea-faring man? Excuse me, it must be the brother you know; this man is namely J. A. Happolati, the agent.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I thought this would finish him; but he willingly fell in with everything I said. If I had found a name like Barrabas Rosebud it would not have roused his suspicions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;He is an able man, I have heard?&#034; he said, feeling his way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, a clever fellow!&#034; answered I; &#034;a thorough business head; agent for every possible thing going. Cranberries from China; feathers and down from Russia; hides, pulp, writing-ink&#8212;&#8212;&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;He, he! the devil he is?&#034; interrupted the old chap, highly excited.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This began to get interesting. The situation ran away with me, and one lie after another engendered in my head. I sat down again, forgot the newspaper, and the remarkable documents, grew lively, and cut short the old fellow's talk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The little goblin's unsuspecting simplicity made me foolhardy; I would stuff him recklessly full of lies; rout him out o' field grandly, and stop his mouth from sheer amazement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Had he heard of the electric psalm-book that Happolati had invented?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What? Elec&#8212;&#8212;&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;With electric letters that could give light in the dark! a perfectly extraordinary enterprise. A million crowns to be put in circulation; foundries and printing-presses at work, and shoals of regular mechanics to be employed; I had heard as many as seven hundred men.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ay, isn't it just what I say?&#034; drawled out the man, calmly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He said no more, he believed every word I related, and for all that, he was not taken aback. This disappointed me a little; I had expected to see him utterly bewildered by my inventions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I searched my brain for a couple of desperate lies, went the whole hog, hinted that Happolati had been Minister of State for nine years in Persia. &#034;You perhaps have no conception of what it means to be Minister of State in Persia?&#034; I asked. It was more than king here, or about the same as Sultan, if he knew what that meant, but Happolati had managed the whole thing, and was never at a loss. And I related about his daughter Ylajali, a fairy, a princess, who had three hundred slaves, and who reclined on a couch of yellow roses. She was the loveliest creature I had ever seen; I had, may the Lord strike me, never seen her match for looks in my life!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;So&#8212;o; was she so lovely?&#034; remarked the old fellow, with an absent air, as he gazed at the ground.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Lovely? She was beauteous, she was sinfully fascinating. Eyes like raw silk, arms of amber! Just one glance from her was as seductive as a kiss; and when she called me, her voice darted like a wine-ray right into my soul's phosphor. And why shouldn't she be so beautiful?&#034; Did he imagine she was a messenger or something in the fire brigade? She was simply a Heaven's wonder, I could just inform him, a fairy tale.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, to be sure!&#034; said he, not a little bewildered. His quiet bored me; I was excited by the sound of my own voice and spoke in utter seriousness; the stolen archives, treaties with some foreign power or other, no longer occupied my thoughts; the little flat bundle of paper lay on the seat between us, and I had no longer the smallest desire to examine it or see what it contained. I was entirely absorbed in stories of my own which floated in singular visions across my mental eye. The blood flew to my head, and I roared with laughter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At this moment the little man seemed about to go. He stretched himself, and in order not to break off too abruptly, added: &#034;He is said to own much property, this Happolati?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
How dared this bleary-eyed, disgusting old man toss about the rare name I had invented as if it were a common name stuck up over every huckster-shop in the town? He never stumbled over a letter or forgot a syllable. The name had bitten fast in his brain and struck root on the instant. I got annoyed; an inward exasperation surged up in me against this creature whom nothing had the power to disturb and nothing render suspicious.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I therefore replied shortly, &#034;I know nothing about that! I know absolutely nothing whatever about that! Let me inform you once for all that his name is Johann Arendt Happolati, if you go by his own initials.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Johann Arendt Happolati!&#034; repeated the man, a little astonished at my vehemence; and with that he grew silent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You should see his wife!&#034; I said, beside myself. &#034;A fatter creature . . . Eh? what? Perhaps you don't even believe she is really fat?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, indeed he did not see his way to deny that such a man might perhaps have a rather stout wife. The old fellow answered quite gently and meekly to each of my assertions, and sought for words as if he feared to offend and perhaps make me furious.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Hell and fire, man! Do you imagine that I am sitting here stuffing you chock-full of lies?&#034; I roared furiously. &#034;Perhaps you don't even believe that a man of the name of Happolati exists! I never saw your match for obstinacy and malice in any old man. What the devil ails you? Perhaps, too, into the bargain, you have been all this while thinking to yourself I am a poverty-stricken fellow, sitting here in my Sunday-best without even a case full of cigarettes in my pocket. Let me tell you such treatment as yours is a thing I am not accustomed to, and I won't endure it, the Lord strike me dead if I will&#8212;neither from you nor anyone else, do you know that?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The man had risen with his mouth agape; he stood tongue-tied and listened to my outbreak until the end. Then he snatched his parcel from off the seat and went, ay, nearly ran, down the path, with the short, tottering steps of an old man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I leant back and looked at the retreating figure that seemed to shrink at each step as it passed away. I do not know from where the impression came, but it appeared to me that I had never in my life seen a more vile back than this one, and I did not regret that I had abused the creature before he left me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The day began to decline, the sun sank, it commenced to rustle lightly in the trees around, and the nursemaids who sat in groups near the parallel bars made ready to wheel their perambulators home. I was calmed and in good spirits. The excitement I had just laboured under quieted down little by little, and I grew weaker, more languid, and began to feel drowsy. Neither did the quantity of bread I had eaten cause me any longer any particular distress. I leant against the back of the seat in the best of humours, closed my eyes, and got more and more sleepy. I dozed, and was just on the point of falling asleep, when a park-keeper put his hand on my shoulder and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You must not sit here and go to sleep!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No?&#034; I said, and sprang immediately up, my unfortunate position rising all at once vividly before my eyes. I must do something; find some way or another out of it. To look for situations had been of no avail to me. Even the recommendations I showed had grown a little old, and were written by people all too little known to be of much use; besides that, constant refusals all through the summer had somewhat disheartened me. At all events, my rent was due, and I must raise the wind for that; the rest would have to wait a little.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Quite involuntarily I had got paper and pencil into my hand again, and I sat and wrote mechanically the date, 1848, in each corner. If only now one single effervescing thought would grip me powerfully, and put words into my mouth. Why, I had known hours when I could write a long piece, without the least exertion, and turn it off capitally, too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I am sitting on the seat, and I write, scores of times, 1848. I write this date criss-cross, in all possible fashions, and wait until a workable idea shall occur to me. A swarm of loose thoughts flutter about in my head. The feeling of declining day makes me downcast, sentimental; autumn is here, and has already begun to hush everything into sleep and torpor. The flies and insects have received their first warning. Up in the trees and down in the fields the sounds of struggling life can be heard rustling, murmuring, restless; labouring not to perish. The down-trodden existence of the whole insect world is astir for yet a little while. They poke their yellow heads up from the turf, lift their legs, feel their way with long feelers and then collapse suddenly, roll over, and turn their bellies in the air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Every growing thing has received its peculiar impress: the delicately blown breath of the first cold. The stubbles straggle wanly sunwards, and the falling leaves rustle to the earth, with a sound as of errant silkworms.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It is the reign of Autumn, the height of the Carnival of Decay, the roses have got inflammation in their blushes, an uncanny hectic tinge, through their soft damask.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I felt myself like a creeping thing on the verge of destruction, gripped by ruin in the midst of a whole world ready for lethargic sleep. I rose, oppressed by weird terrors, and took some furious strides down the path. &#034;No!&#034; I cried out, clutching both my hands; &#034;there must be an end to this,&#034; and I reseated myself, grasped the pencil, and set seriously to work at an article.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was no possible use in giving way, with the unpaid rent staring me straight in the face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Slowly, quite slowly, my thoughts collected. I paid attention to them, and wrote quietly and well; wrote a couple of pages as an introduction. It would serve as a beginning to anything. A description of travel, a political leader, just as I thought fit&#8212;it was a perfectly splendid commencement for something or anything. So I took to seeking for some particular subject to handle, a person or a thing, that I might grapple with, and I could find nothing. Along with this fruitless exertion, disorder began to hold its sway again in my thoughts. I felt how my brain positively snapped and my head emptied, until it sat at last, light, buoyant, and void on my shoulders. I was conscious of the gaping vacuum in my skull with every fibre of my being. I seemed to myself to be hollowed out from top and toe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In my pain I cried: &#034;Lord, my God and Father!&#034; and repeated this cry many times at a stretch, without adding one word more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The wind soughed through the trees; a storm was brewing. I sat a while longer, and gazed at my paper, lost in thought, then folded it up and put it slowly into my pocket. It got chilly; and I no longer owned a waistcoat. I buttoned my coat right up to my throat and thrust my hands in my pockets; thereupon I rose and went on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If I had only succeeded this time, just this once! Twice my landlady had asked me with her eyes for payment, and I was obliged to hang my head and slink past her with a shamefaced air. I could not do it again: the very next time I met those eyes I would give warning and account for myself honestly. Well, any way, things could not last long at this rate.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On coming to the exit of the park I saw the old chap I had put to flight. The mysterious newspaper parcel lay opened on the seat next him, filled with different sorts of victuals, of which he ate as he sat. I immediately wanted to go over and ask pardon for my conduct, but the sight of his food repelled me. The decrepit fingers looked like ten claws as they clutched loathsomely at the greasy bread and butter; I felt qualmish, and passed by without addressing him. He did not recognise me; his eyes stared at me, dry as horn, and his face did not move a muscle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And so I went on my way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As customary, I halted before every newspaper placard I came to, to read the announcements of situations vacant, and was lucky enough to find one that I might try for.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A grocer in Groenlandsleret wanted a man every week for a couple of hours' book-keeping; remuneration according to agreement. I noted my man's address, and prayed to God in silence for this place. I would demand less than any one else for my work; sixpence was ample, or perhaps fivepence. That would not matter in the least.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On going home, a slip of paper from my landlady lay on my table, in which she begged me to pay my rent in advance, or else move as soon as I could. I must not be offended, it was absolutely a necessary request. Friendlily Mrs Gundersen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I wrote an application to Christy the grocer, No. 13 Groenlandsleret, put it in an envelope, and took it to the pillar at the corner. Then I returned to my room and sat down in the rocking-chair to think, whilst the darkness grew closer and closer. Sitting up late began to be difficult now.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I woke very early in the morning. It was still quite dark as I opened my eyes, and it was not till long after that I heard five strokes of the clock down-stairs. I turned round to doze again, but sleep had flown. I grew more and more wakeful, and lay and thought of a thousand things.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly a few good sentences fitted for a sketch or story strike me, delicate linguistic hits of which I have never before found the equal. I lie and repeat these words over to myself, and find that they are capital. Little by little others come and fit themselves to the preceding ones. I grow keenly wakeful. I get up and snatch paper and pencil from the table behind my bed. It was as if a vein had burst in me; one word follows another, and they fit themselves together harmoniously with telling effect. Scene piles on scene, actions and speeches bubble up in my brain, and a wonderful sense of pleasure empowers me. I write as one possessed, and fill page after page without a moment's pause.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thoughts come so swiftly to me and continue to flow so richly that I miss a number of telling bits, that I cannot set down quickly enough, although I work with all my might. They continue to invade me; I am full of my subject, and every word I write is inspired.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This strange period lasts&#8212;lasts such a blessedly long time before it comes to an end. I have fifteen&#8212;twenty written pages lying on my knees before me, when at last I cease and lay my pencil aside. So sure as there is any worth in these pages, so sure am I saved. I jump out of bed and dress myself. It grows lighter. I can half distinguish the lighthouse director's announcement down near the door, and near the window it is already so light that I could, in case of necessity, see to write. I set to work immediately to make a fair copy of what I have written.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
An intense, peculiar exhalation of light and colour emanates from these fantasies of mine. I start with surprise as I note one good thing after another, and tell myself that this is the best thing I have ever read. My head swims with a sense of satisfaction; delight inflates me; I grow grandiose.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I weigh my writing in my hand, and value it, at a loose guess, for five shillings on the spot.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It could never enter any one's head to chaffer about five shillings; on the contrary, getting it for half-a-sovereign might be considered dirt-cheap, considering the quality of the thing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had no intention of turning off such special work gratis. As far as I was aware, one did not pick up stories of that kind on the wayside, and I decided on half-a-sovereign.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The room brightened and brightened. I threw a glance towards the door, and could distinguish without particular trouble the skeleton-like letters of Miss Andersen's winding-sheet advertisement to the right of it. It was also a good while since the clock had struck seven.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I rose and came to a standstill in the middle of the floor. Everything well considered, Mrs Gundersen's warning came rather opportunely. This was, properly speaking, no fit room for me; there were only common enough green curtains at the windows, and neither were there any pegs too many on the wall. The poor little rocking-chair over in the corner was in reality a mere attempt at a rocking-chair; with the smallest sense of humour, one might easily split one's sides with laughter at it. It was far too low for a grown man, and besides that, one needed, so to speak, the aid of a boot-jack to get out of it. To cut it short, the room was not adapted for the pursuit of things intellectual, and I did not intend to keep it any longer. On no account would I keep it. I had held my peace, and endured and lived far too long in such a den.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Buoyed up by hope and satisfaction, constantly occupied with my remarkable sketch, which I drew forth every moment from my pocket and re-read, I determined to set seriously to work with my flitting. I took out my bundle, a red handkerchief that contained a few clean collars and some crumpled newspapers, in which I had occasionally carried home bread. I rolled my blanket up and pocketed my reserve of white writing-paper. Then I ransacked every corner to assure myself that I had left nothing behind, and as I could not find anything, went over to the window and looked out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The morning was gloomy and wet; there was no one about at the burnt-out smithy, and the clothes-line down in the yard stretched tightly from wall to wall shrunken by the wet. It was all familiar to me, so I stepped back from the window, took the blanket under my arm, and made a low bow to the lighthouse director's announcement, bowed again to Miss Andersen's winding-sheet advertisement, and opened the door. Suddenly the thought of my landlady struck me; she really ought to be informed of my leaving, so that she could see she had had an honest soul to deal with.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I wanted also to thank her in writing for the few days' overtime in which I occupied the room. The certainty that I was now saved for some time to come increased so strongly in me that I even promised her five shillings. I would call in some day when passing by.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Besides that, I wanted to prove to her what an upright sort of person her roof had sheltered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I left the note behind me on the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Once again I stopped at the door and turned round, the buoyant feeling of having risen once again to the surface charmed me, and made me feel grateful towards God and all creation, and I knelt down at the bedside and thanked God aloud for His great goodness to me that morning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I knew it; ah! I knew that the rapture of inspiration I had just felt and noted down was a miraculous heaven-brew in my spirit in answer to my yesterday's cry for aid.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It was God! It was God!&#034; I cried to myself, and I wept for enthusiasm over my own words; now and then I had to stop and listen if any one was on the stairs. At last I rose up and prepared to go. I stole noiselessly down each flight and reached the door unseen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The streets were glistening from the rain which had fallen in the early morning. The sky hung damp and heavy over the town, and there was no glint of sunlight visible. I wondered what the day would bring forth? I went as usual in the direction of the Town Hall, and saw that it was half-past eight. I had yet a few hours to walk about; there was no use in going to the newspaper office before ten, perhaps eleven. I must lounge about so long, and think, in the meantime, over some expedient to raise breakfast. For that matter, I had no fear of going to bed hungry that day; those times were over, God be praised! That was a thing of the past, an evil dream. Henceforth, Excelsior!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But, in the meanwhile, the green blanket was a trouble to me. Neither could I well make myself conspicuous by carrying such a thing about right under people's eyes. What would anyone think of me? And as I went on I tried to think of a place where I could have it kept till later on. It occurred to me that I might go into Semb's and get it wrapped up in paper; not only would it look better, but I need no longer be ashamed of carrying it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I entered the shop, and stated my errand to one of the shop boys.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He looked first at the blanket, then at me. It struck me that he shrugged his shoulders to himself a little contemptuously as he took it; this annoyed me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Young man,&#034; I cried, &#034;do be a little careful! There are two costly glass vases in that; the parcel has to go to Smyrna.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This had a famous effect. The fellow apologised with every movement he made for not having guessed that there was something out of the common in this blanket. When he had finished packing it up I thanked him with the air of a man who had sent precious goods to Smyrna before now. He held the door open for me, and bowed twice as I left.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I began to wander about amongst the people in the market place, kept from choice near the woman who had potted plants for sale. The heavy crimson roses&#8212;the leaves of which glowed blood-like and moist in the damp morning&#8212;made me envious, and tempted me sinfully to snatch one, and I inquired the price of them merely as an excuse to approach as near to them as possible.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If I had any money over I would buy one, no matter how things went; indeed, I might well save a little now and then out of my way of living to balance things again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was ten o'clock, and I went up to the newspaper office. &#034;Scissors&#034; is running through a lot of old papers. The editor has not come yet. On being asked my business, I deliver my weighty manuscript, lead him to suppose that it is something of more than uncommon importance, and impress upon his memory gravely that he is to give it into the editor's own hands as soon as he arrives.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I would myself call later on in the day for an answer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;All right,&#034; replied &#034;Scissors,&#034; and busied himself again with his papers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It seemed to me that he treated the matter somewhat too coolly; but I said nothing, only nodded rather carelessly to him, and left.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had now time on hand! If it would only clear up! It was perfectly wretched weather, without either wind or freshness. Ladies carried their umbrellas, to be on the safe side, and the woollen caps of the men looked limp and depressing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I took another turn across the market and looked at the vegetables and roses. I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn round&#8212;&#034;Missy&#034; bids me good-morning! &#034;Good-morning!&#034; I say in return, a little questioningly. I never cared particularly for &#034;Missy.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He looks inquisitively at the large bran-new parcel under my arm, and asks:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What have you got there?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, I have been down to Semb and got some cloth for a suit,&#034; I reply, in a careless tone. &#034;I didn't think I could rub on any longer; there's such a thing as treating oneself too shabbily.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He looks at me with an amazed start.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;By the way, how are you getting on?&#034; he asks it slowly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, beyond all expectation!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Then you have got something to do now?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Something to do?&#034; I answer and seem surprised. &#034;Rather! Why, I am book-keeper at Christensen's&#8212;a wholesale house.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, indeed!&#034; he remarks and draws back a little.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, God knows I am the first to be pleased at your success. If only you don't let people beg the money from you that you earn. Good-day!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A second after he wheels round and comes back and, pointing with his cane to my parcel, says:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I would recommend my tailor to you for the suit of clothes. You won't find a better tailor than Isaksen&#8212;just say I sent you, that's all!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This was really rather more than I could swallow. What did he want to poke his nose in my affairs for? Was it any concern of his which tailor I employed? The sight of this empty-headed dandified &#034;masher&#034; embittered me, and I reminded him rather brutally of ten shillings he had borrowed from me. But before he could reply I regretted that I had asked for it. I got ashamed and avoided meeting his eyes, and, as a lady came by just then, I stepped hastily aside to let her pass, and seized the opportunity to proceed on my way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What should I do with myself whilst I waited? I could not visit a caf&#233; with empty pockets, and I knew of no acquaintance that I could call on at this time of day. I wended my way instinctively up town, killed a good deal of time between the market-place and Graendsen, read the &lt;i&gt;Aftenpost&lt;/i&gt;, which was newly pasted up on the board outside the office, took a turn down Karl Johann, wheeled round and went straight on to Our Saviour's Cemetery, where I found a quiet seat on the slope near the Mortuary Chapel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sat there in complete quietness, dozed in the damp air, mused, half-slept and shivered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And time passed. Now, was it certain that the story really was a little masterpiece of inspired art? God knows if it might not have its faults here and there. All things well weighed, it was not certain that it would be accepted; no, simply not even accepted. It was perhaps mediocre enough in its way, perhaps downright worthless. What security had I that it was not already at this moment lying in the waste-paper basket? . . . My confidence was shaken. I sprang up and stormed out of the graveyard.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Down in Akersgaden I peeped into a shop window, and saw that it was only a little past noon. There was no use in looking up the editor before four. The fate of my story filled me with gloomy forebodings; the more I thought about it the more absurd it seemed to me that I could have written anything useable with such suddenness, half-asleep, with my brain full of fever and dreams. Of course I had deceived myself and been happy all through the long morning for nothing! . . . Of course! . . . I rushed with hurried strides up Ullavoldsveien, past St Han's Hill, until I came to the open fields; on through the narrow quaint lanes in Sagene, past waste plots and small tilled fields, and found myself at last on a country road, the end of which I could not see.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Here I halted and decided to turn.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was warm from the walk, and returned slowly and very downcast. I met two hay-carts. The drivers were lying flat upon the top of their loads, and sang. Both were bare-headed, and both had round, care-free faces. I passed them and thought to myself that they were sure to accost me, sure to fling some taunt or other at me, play me some trick; and as I got near enough, one of them called out and asked what I had under my arm?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;A blanket!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What o'clock is it?&#034; he asked then.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I don't know rightly; about three, I think!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Whereupon they both laughed and drove on. I felt at the same moment the lash of a whip curl round one of my ears, and my hat was jerked off. They couldn't let me pass without playing me a trick. I raised my hand to my head more or less confusedly, picked my hat out of the ditch, and continued my way. Down at St Han's Hill I met a man who told me it was past four. Past four! already past four! I mended my pace, nearly ran down to the town, turned off towards the news office. Perhaps the editor had been there hours ago, and had left the office by now. I ran, jostled against folk, stumbled, knocked against cars, left everybody behind me, competed with the very horses, struggled like a madman to arrive there in time. I wrenched through the door, took the stairs in four bounds, and knocked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No answer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;He has left, he has left,&#034; I think. I try the door which is open, knock once again, and enter. The editor is sitting at his table, his face towards the window, pen in hand, about to write. When he hears my breathless greeting he turns half round, steals a quick look at me, shakes his head, and says:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, I haven't found time to read your sketch yet.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I am so delighted, because in that case he has not rejected it, that I answer:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, pray, sir, don't mention it. I quite understand&#8212;there is no hurry; in a few days, perhaps&#8212;&#8212;&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, I shall see; besides, I have your address.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I forget to inform him that I no longer had an address, and the interview is over. I bow myself out, and leave. Hope flames up again in me; as yet, nothing is lost&#8212;on the contrary, I might, for that matter, yet win all. And my brain began to spin a romance about a great council in Heaven, in which it had just been resolved that I should win&#8212;ay, triumphantly win ten shillings for a story.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If I only had some place in which to take refuge for the night! I consider where I can stow myself away, and am so absorbed in this query that I come to a standstill in the middle of the street. I forget where I am, and pose like a solitary beacon on a rock in mid-sea, whilst the tides rush and roar about it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A newspaper boy offers me &lt;i&gt;The Viking&lt;/i&gt;.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It's real good value, sir!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I look up, and start; I am outside Semb's shop again. I quickly turn to the right-about, holding the parcel in front of me, and hurry down Kirkegaden, ashamed and afraid that anyone might have seen me from the window. I pass by Ingebret's and the theatre, turn round by the box-office, and go towards the sea, near the fortress. I find a seat once more, and begin to consider afresh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Where in the world shall I find a shelter for the night?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Was there a hole to be found where I could creep in and hide myself till morning. My pride forbade my returning to my lodging&#8212;besides, it could never really occur to me to go back on my word; I rejected this thought with great scorn, and I smiled superciliously as I thought of the little red rocking-chair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
By some association of ideas, I find myself suddenly transported to a large, double room I once occupied in Haegdehaugen. I could see a tray on the table, filled with great slices of bread-and-butter. The vision changed; it was transformed into beef&#8212;a seductive piece of beef&#8212;a snow-white napkin, bread in plenty, a silver fork. The door opened; enter my landlady, offering me more tea. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Visions; senseless dreams! I tell myself that were I to get food now my head would become dizzy once more, fever would fill my brain, and I would have to fight again against many mad fancies. I could not stomach food, my inclination did not lie that way; that was peculiar to me&#8212;an idiosyncrasy of mine.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Maybe as night drew on a way could be found to procure shelter. There was no hurry; at the worst, I could seek a place out in the woods. I had the entire environs of the city at my disposal; as yet, there was no degree of cold worth speaking of in the weather.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And outside there the sea rocked in drowsy rest; ships and clumsy, broad-nosed prams ploughed graves in its bluish surface, and scattered rays to the right and left, and glided on, whilst the smoke rolled up in downy masses from the chimney-stacks, and the stroke of the engine pistons pierced the clammy air with a dull sound. There was no sun and no wind; the trees behind me were almost wet, and the seat upon which I sat was cold and damp.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Time went. I settled down to doze, waxed tired, and a little shiver ran down my back. A while after I felt that my eyelids began to droop, and I let them droop. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When I awoke it was dark all around me. I started up, bewildered and freezing. I seized my parcel, and commenced to walk. I went faster and faster in order to get warm, slapped my arms, chafed my legs&#8212;which by now I could hardly feel under me&#8212;and thus reached the watch-house of the fire brigade. It was nine o'clock; I had been asleep for several hours.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Whatever shall I do with myself? I must go to some place. I stand there and stare up at the watch-house, and query if it would not be possible to succeed in getting into one of the passages if I were to watch for a moment when the watchman's back was turned. I ascend the steps, and prepare to open a conversation with the man. He lifts his axe in salute, and waits for what I may have to say. The uplifted axe, with its edge turned against me, darts like a cold slash through my nerves. I stand dumb with terror before this armed man, and draw involuntarily back. I say nothing, only glide farther and farther away from him. To save appearances I draw my hand over my forehead, as if I had forgotten something or other, and slink away. When I reached the pavement again I felt as much saved as if I had just escaped a great peril, and I hurried away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Cold and famished, more and more miserable in spirit, I flew up Carl Johann. I began to swear out aloud, troubling myself not a whit as to whether anyone heard me or not. Arrived at Parliament House, just near the first trees, I suddenly, by some association of ideas, bethought myself of a young artist I knew, a stripling I had once saved from an assault in the Tivoli, and upon whom I had called later on. I snap my fingers gleefully, and wend my way to Tordenskjiolds Street, find the door, on which is fastened a card with C. Zacharias Bartel on it, and knock.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He came out himself, and smelt so fearfully of ale and tobacco that it was horrible.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-evening!&#034; I say.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-evening! is that you? Now, why the deuce do you come so late? It doesn't look at all its best by lamplight. I have added a hayrick to it since, and have made a few other alterations. You must see it by daylight; there is no use our trying to see it now!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Let me have a look at it now, all the same,&#034; said I; though, for that matter, I did not in the least remember what picture he was talking about.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Absolutely impossible,&#034; he replied; &#034;the whole thing will look yellow; and, besides, there's another thing&#034;&#8212;and he came towards me, whispering: &#034;I have a little girl inside this evening, so it's clearly impracticable.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, in that case, of course there's no question about it.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I drew back, said good-night, and went away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So there was no way out of it but to seek some place out in the woods. If only the fields were not so damp. I patted my blanket, and felt more and more at home at the thought of sleeping out. I had worried myself so long trying to find a shelter in town that I was wearied and bored with the whole affair. It would be a positive pleasure to get to rest, to resign myself; so I loaf down the street without a thought in my head. At a place in Haegdehaugen I halted outside a provision shop where some food was displayed in the window. A cat lay there and slept beside a round French roll. There was a basin of lard and several basins of meal in the background. I stood a while and gazed at these eatables; but as I had no money wherewith to buy, I turned quickly away and continued my tramp. I went very slowly, passed by Majorstuen, went on, always on&#8212;it seemed to me for hours,&#8212;and came at length to Bogstad's wood.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I turned off the road here, and sat down to rest. Then I began to look about for a place to suit me, to gather together heather and juniper leaves, and make up a bed on a little declivity where it was a bit dry. I opened the parcel and took out the blanket; I was tired and exhausted with the long walk, and lay down at once. I turned and twisted many times before I could get settled. My ear pained me a little&#8212;it was slightly swollen from the whip-lash&#8212;and I could not lie on it. I pulled off my shoes and put them under my head, with the paper from Semb on top.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the great spirit of darkness spread a shroud over me . . . everything was silent&#8212;everything. But up in the heights soughed the everlasting song, the voice of the air, the distant, toneless humming which is never silent. I listened so long to this ceaseless faint murmur that it began to bewilder me; it was surely a symphony from the rolling spheres above. Stars that intone a song. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I am damned if it is, though,&#034; I exclaimed; and I laughed aloud to collect my wits. &#034;They're night-owls hooting in Canaan!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I rose again, pulled on my shoes, and wandered about in the gloom, only to lay down once more. I fought and wrestled with anger and fear until nearly dawn, then fell asleep at last.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was broad daylight when I opened my eyes, and I had a feeling that it was going on towards noon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I pulled on my shoes, packed up the blanket again, and set out for town. There was no sun to be seen to-day either; I shivered like a dog, my feet were benumbed, and water commenced to run from my eyes, as if they could not bear the daylight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was three o'clock. Hunger began to assail me downright in earnest. I was faint, and now and again I had to retch furtively. I swung round by the Dampk&#246;kken,&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb2&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Dampk&#246;kken &#8211; steam cooking-kitchen and famous cheap eating-house.&#034; id=&#034;nh2&#034;&gt;2&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; read the bill of fare, and shrugged my shoulders in a way to attract attention, as if corned beef or salt pork was not meet food for me. After that I went towards the railway station.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A singular sense of confusion suddenly darted through my head. I stumbled on, determined not to heed it; but I grew worse and worse, and was forced at last to sit down on a step. My whole being underwent a change, as if something had slid aside in my inner self, or as if a curtain or tissue of my brain was rent in two.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was not unconscious; I felt that my ear was gathering a little, and, as an acquaintance passed by, I recognised him at once and got up and bowed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What sort of fresh, painful perception was this that was being added to the rest? Was it a consequence of sleeping in the sodden fields, or did it arise from my not having had any breakfast yet? Looking the whole thing squarely in the face, there was no meaning in living on in this manner, by Christ's holy pains, there wasn't. I failed to see either how I had made myself deserving of this special persecution; and it suddenly entered my head that I might just as well turn rogue at once and go to my &#034;Uncle's&#034; with the blanket. I could pawn it for a shilling, and get three full meals, and so keep myself going until I thought of something else. 'Tis true I would have to swindle Hans Pauli. I was already on my way to the pawn-shop, but stopped outside the door, shook my head irresolutely, then turned back. The farther away I got the more gladsome, ay, delighted I became, that I had conquered this strong temptation. The consciousness that I was yet pure and honourable rose to my head, filled me with a splendid sense of having principle, character, of being a shining white beacon in a muddy, human sea amidst floating wreck.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pawn another man's property for the sake of a meal, eat and drink one's self to perdition, brand one's soul with the first little sear, set the first black mark against one's honour, call one's self a blackguard to one's own face, and needs must cast one's eyes down before one's self? Never! never! It could never have been my serious intention&#8212;it had really never seriously taken hold of me; in fact, I could not be answerable for every loose, fleeting, desultory thought, particularly with such a headache as I had, and nearly killed carrying a blanket, too, that belonged to another fellow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There would surely be some way or another of getting help when the right time came! Now, there was the grocer in Groenlandsleret. Had I importuned him every hour in the day since I sent in my application? Had I rung the bell early and late, and been turned away? Why, I had not even applied personally to him or sought an answer! It did not follow, surely, that it must needs be an absolutely vain attempt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Maybe I had luck with me this time. Luck often took such a devious course, and I started for Groenlandsleret.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The last spasm that had darted through my head had exhausted me a little, and I walked very slowly and thought over what I would say to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Perhaps he was a good soul; if the whim seized him he might pay me for my work a shilling in advance, even without my asking for it. People of that sort had sometimes the most capital ideas.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stole into a doorway and blackened the knees of my trousers with spittle to try and make them look a little respectable, left the parcel behind me in a dark corner at the back of a chest, and entered the little shop.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A man is standing pasting together bags made of old newspaper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I would like to see Mr Christie,&#034; I said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;That's me!&#034; replied the man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Indeed!&#034; Well my name was so-and-so. I had taken the liberty of sending him an application. I did not know if it had been of any use.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He repeated my name a couple of times and commenced to laugh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well now, you shall see,&#034; he said, taking my letter out of his breast-pocket, &#034;if you will just be good enough to see how you deal with dates, sir. You dated your letter 1848,&#034; and the man roared with laughter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, that was rather a mistake,&#034; I said abashed&#8212;a distraction, a want of thought; I admitted it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You see I must have a man who, as a matter of fact, makes no mistakes in figures,&#034; said he. &#034;I regret it, your handwriting is clear, and I like your letter, too, but&#8212;&#8212;&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I waited a while; this could not possibly be the man's final say. He busied himself again with the bags.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, it was a pity,&#034; I said; &#034;really an awful pity, but of course it would not occur again; and, after all, surely this little error could not have rendered me quite unfit to keep books?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, I didn't say that,&#034; he answered, &#034;but in the meantime it had so much weight with me that I decided at once upon another man.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;So the place is filled?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;A&#8212;h well, then there's nothing more to be said about it!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No! I'm sorry, but&#8212;&#8212;&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-evening!&#034; said I.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fury welled up in me, blazing with brutal strength. I fetched my parcel from the entry, set my teeth together, jostled against the peaceful folk on the footpath, and never once asked their pardon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As one man stopped and set me to rights rather sharply for my behaviour, I turned round and screamed a single meaningless word in his ear, clenched my fist right under his nose, and stumbled on, hardened by a blind rage that I could not control.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He called a policeman, and I desired nothing better than to have one between my hands just for one moment. I slackened my pace intentionally in order to give him an opportunity of overtaking me; but he did not come. Was there now any reason whatever that absolutely every one of one's most earnest and most persevering efforts should fail? Why, too, had I written 1848? In what way did that infernal date concern me? Here I was going about starving, so that my entrails wriggle together in me like worms, and it was, as far as I knew, not decreed in the book of fate that anything in the shape of food would turn up later on in the day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was becoming mentally and physically more and more prostrate; I was letting myself down each day to less and less honest actions, so that I lied on each day without blushing, cheated poor people out of their rent, struggled with the meanest thoughts of making away with other men's blankets&#8212;all without remorse or prick of conscience.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Foul places began to gather in my inner being, black spores which spread more and more. And up in Heaven God Almighty sat and kept a watchful eye on me, and took heed that my destruction proceeded in accordance with all the rules of art, uniformly and gradually, without a break in the measure.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But in the abysses of hell the angriest devils bristled with rage because it lasted such a long time until I committed a mortal sin, an unpardonable offence for which God in His justice must cast me&#8212;down. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I quickened my pace, hurried faster and faster, turned suddenly to the left and found myself, excited and angry, in a light ornate doorway. I did not pause, not for one second, but the whole peculiar ornamentation of the entrance struck on my perception in a flash; every detail of the decoration and the tiling of the floor stood clear on my mental vision as I sprang up the stairs. I rang violently on the second floor. Why should I stop exactly on the second floor? And why just seize hold of this bell which was some little way from the stairs?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A young lady in a grey gown with black trimming came out and opened the door. She looked for a moment in astonishment at me, then shook her head and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, we have not got anything to-day,&#034; and she made a feint to close the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What induced me to thrust myself in this creature's way? She took me without further ado for a beggar.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I got cool and collected at once. I raised my hat, made a respectful bow, and, as if I had not caught her words, said, with the utmost politeness:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I hope you will excuse me, madam, for ringing so hard, the bell was new to me. Is it not here that an invalid gentleman lives who has advertised for a man to wheel him about in a chair?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She stood awhile and digested this mendacious invention, and seemed to be irresolute in her summing up of my person.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No!&#034; she said at length; &#034;no, there is no invalid gentleman living here.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Not really? An elderly gentleman&#8212;two hours a day&#8212;sixpence an hour?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah! in that case, I again ask pardon,&#034; said I. &#034;It is perhaps on the first floor. I only wanted, in any case, to recommend a man I know, in whom I am interested; my name is Wedel-Jarlsberg&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb3&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Wedel-Jarlsberg &#8211; the last family bearing the title of nobility in Norway.&#034; id=&#034;nh3&#034;&gt;3&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; and I bowed again and drew back. The young lady blushed crimson, and in her embarrassment could not stir from the spot, but stood and stared after me as I descended the stairs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My calm had returned to me, and my head was clear. The lady's saying that she had nothing for me to-day had acted upon me like an icy shower. So it had gone so far with me that any one might point at me, and say to himself, &#034;There goes a beggar&#8212;one of those people who get their food handed out to them at folk's back-doors!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I halted outside an eating-house in M&#246;ller Street, and sniffed the fresh smell of meat roasting inside; my hand was already upon the door-handle, and I was on the point of entering, without any fixed purpose, when I bethought myself in time, and left the spot. On reaching the market, and seeking for a place to rest for a little, I found all the benches occupied, and I sought in vain all round outside the church for a quiet seat, where I could sit down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Naturally. I told myself, gloomily&#8212;naturally, naturally; and I commenced to walk again. I took a turn round the fountain at the corner of the bazaar, and swallowed a mouthful of water. On again, dragging one foot after the other; stopped for a long time before each shop window; halted, and watched every vehicle that drove by. I felt a scorching heat in my head, and something pulsated strangely in my temples. The water I had drunk disagreed with me fearfully, and I retched, stopping here and there to escape being noticed in the open street. In this manner I came up to Our Saviour's Cemetery.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sat down here, with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. In this cramped position I was more at ease, and I no longer felt the little gnawing in my chest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A stone-cutter lay on his stomach on a large slab of granite, at the side of me, and cut inscriptions. He had blue spectacles on, and reminded me of an acquaintance of mine whom I had almost forgotten.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If I could only knock all shame on the head and apply to him. Tell him the truth right out, that things were getting awfully tight with me now; ay, that I found it hard enough to keep alive. I could give him my shaving-tickets.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Zounds! my shaving-tickets; tickets for nearly a shilling. I search nervously for this precious treasure. As I do not find them quickly enough, I spring to my feet and search, in a sweat of fear. I discover them at last in the bottom of my breast-pocket, together with other papers&#8212;some clean, some written on&#8212;of no value.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I count these six tickets over many times, backwards and forwards; I had not much use for them; it might pass for a whim&#8212;a notion of mine&#8212;that I no longer cared to get shaved.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was saved to the extent of sixpence&#8212;a white sixpence, of Kongsberg silver. The bank closed at six; I could watch for my man outside the Opland Caf&#233; between seven and eight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sat, and was for a long time pleased with this thought. Time went. The wind blew lustily through the chestnut trees around me, and the day declined.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After all, was it not rather petty to come slinking up with six shaving-tickets to a young gentleman holding a good position in a bank? Perhaps he had already a book, maybe two, quite full of spick and span tickets, a contrast to the crumpled ones I held.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Who could tell? I felt in all my pockets for anything else I could let go with them, but found nothing. If I could only offer him my tie? I could well do without it if I buttoned my coat tightly up, which, by the way, I was already obliged to do, as I had no waistcoat. I untied it&#8212;it was a large overlapping bow which hid half my chest,&#8212;brushed it carefully, and folded it up in a piece of clean white writing-paper, together with the tickets. Then I left the churchyard and took the road leading to the Opland.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was seven by the Town Hall clock. I walked up and down hard by the caf&#233;, kept close to the iron railings, and kept a sharp watch on all who went in and came out of the door. At last, about eight o'clock, I saw the young fellow, fresh, elegantly dressed, coming up the hill and across to the caf&#233; door. My heart fluttered like a little bird in my breast as I caught sight of him, and I blurted out, without even a greeting:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Sixpence, old friend!&#034; I said, putting on cheek; &#034;here is the worth of it,&#034; and I thrust the little packet into his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Haven't got it,&#034; he exclaimed. &#034;God knows if I have!&#034; and he turned his purse inside out right before my eyes. &#034;I was out last night and got totally cleared out! You must believe me, I literally haven't got it.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, no, my dear fellow; I suppose it is so,&#034; I answered, and I took his word for it. There was, indeed, no reason why he should lie about such a trifling matter. It struck me, too, that his blue eyes were moist whilst he ransacked his pockets and found nothing. I drew back. &#034;Excuse me,&#034; I said; &#034;it was only just that I was a bit hard up.&#034; I was already a piece down the street, when he called after me about the little packet. &#034;Keep it! keep it,&#034; I answered; &#034;you are welcome to it. There are only a few trifles in it&#8212;a bagatelle; about all I own in the world,&#034; and I became so touched at my own words, they sounded so pathetic in the twilight, and I fell a-weeping. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The wind freshened, the clouds chased madly across the heavens, and it grew cooler and cooler as it got darker. I walked, and cried as I walked, down the whole street; felt more and more commiseration with myself, and repeated, time after time, a few words, an ejaculation, which called forth fresh tears whenever they were on the point of ceasing: &#034;Lord God, I feel so wretched! Lord God, I feel so wretched!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
An hour passed; passed with such strange slowness, such weariness. I spent a long time in Market Street; sat on steps, stole into doorways, and when any one approached, stood and stared absently into the shops where people bustled about with wares or money. At last I found myself a sheltered place, behind a deal hoarding, between the church and the bazaar.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No; I couldn't go out into the wood again this evening. Things must take their course. I had not strength enough to go, and it was such an endless way there. I would kill the night as best I could, and remain where I was; if it got all too cold, well, I could walk round the church. I would not in any case worry myself any more about that, and I leant back and dozed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The noise around me diminished; the shops closed. The steps of the pedestrians sounded more and more rarely, and in all the windows about the lights went out. I opened my eyes, and became aware of a figure standing in front of me. The flash of shining buttons told me it was a policeman, though I could not see the man's face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-night,&#034; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-night,&#034; I answered, and got afraid.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Where do you live?&#034; he queried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I name, from habit and without thought, my old address, the little attic.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He stood for a while.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Have I done anything wrong?&#034; I asked, anxiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, not at all!&#034; he replied; &#034;but you had perhaps better be getting home now; it's cold lying here.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ay, that's true; I feel it is a little chilly.&#034; I said good-night, and instinctively took the road to my old abode. If I only set about it carefully, I might be able to get upstairs without being heard; there were eight steps in all, and only the two top ones creaked under my tread. Down at the door I took off my shoes, and ascended. It was quiet everywhere. I could hear the slow tick-tack of a clock, and a child crying a little. After that I heard nothing. I found my door, lifted the latch as I was accustomed to do, entered the room, and shut the door noiselessly after me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everything was as I had left it. The curtains were pulled aside from the windows, and the bed stood empty. I caught a glimpse of a note lying on the table; perhaps it was my note to the landlady&#8212;she might never have been up here since I went away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I fumbled with my hands over the white spot, and felt, to my astonishment, that it was a letter. I take it over to the window, examine as well as it is possible in the dark the badly-written letters of the address, and make out at least my own name. Ah, I thought, an answer from my landlady, forbidding me to enter the room again if I were for sneaking back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Slowly, quite slowly I left the room, carrying my shoes in one hand, the letter in the other, and the blanket under my arm. I draw myself up, set my teeth as I tread on the creaking steps, get happily down the stairs, and stand once more at the door. I put on my shoes, take my time with the laces, sit a while quietly after I'm ready, and stare vacantly before me, holding the letter in my hand. Then I get up and go.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The flickering ray of a gas lamp gleams up the street. I make straight for the light, lean my parcel against the lamp-post and open the letter. All this with the utmost deliberation. A stream of light, as it were, darts through my breast, and I hear that I give a little cry&#8212;a meaningless sound of joy. The letter was from the editor. My story was accepted&#8212;had been set in type immediately, straight off! A few slight alterations. . . . A couple of errors in writing amended. . . . Worked out with talent . . . be printed to-morrow . . . half-a-sovereign.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I laughed and cried, took to jumping and running down the street, stopped, slapped my thighs, swore loudly and solemnly into space at nothing in particular. And time went.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All through the night until the bright dawn I &#034;jodled&#034; about the streets and repeated&#8212;&#034;Worked out with talent&#8212;therefore a little masterpiece&#8212;a stroke of genius&#8212;and half-a-sovereign.&#034;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTII&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;A few weeks later I was out one evening.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Once more I had sat out in a churchyard and worked at an article for one of the newspapers. But whilst I was struggling with it eight o'clock struck, and darkness closed in, and time for shutting the gates.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was hungry&#8212;very hungry. The ten shillings had, worse luck, lasted all too short. It was now two, ay, nearly three days since I had eaten anything, and I felt somewhat faint; holding the pencil even had taxed me a little. I had half a penknife and a bunch of keys in my pocket, but not a farthing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the churchyard gate shut I meant to have gone straight home, but, from an instinctive dread of my room&#8212;a vacant tinker's workshop, where all was dark and barren, and which, in fact, I had got permission to occupy for the present&#8212;I stumbled on, passed, not caring where I went, the Town Hall, right to the sea, and over to a seat near the railway bridge.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At this moment not a sad thought troubled me. I forgot my distress, and felt calmed by the view of the sea, which lay peaceful and lovely in the murkiness. For old habit's sake I would please myself by reading through the bit I had just written, and which seemed to my suffering head the best thing I had ever done.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I took my manuscript out of my pocket to try and decipher it, held it close up to my eyes, and ran through it, one line after the other. At last I got tired, and put the papers back in my pocket. Everything was still. The sea stretched away in pearly blueness, and little birds flitted noiselessly by me from place to place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A policeman patrols in the distance; otherwise there is not a soul visible, and the whole harbour is hushed in quiet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I count my belongings once more&#8212;half a penknife, a bunch of keys, but not a farthing. Suddenly I dive into my pocket and take the papers out again. It was a mechanical movement, an unconscious nervous twitch. I selected a white unwritten page, and&#8212;God knows where I got the notion from&#8212;but I made a cornet, closed it carefully, so that it looked as if it were filled with something, and threw it far out on to the pavement. The breeze blew it onward a little, and then it lay still.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
By this time hunger had begun to assail me in earnest. I sat and looked at the white paper cornet, which seemed as if it might be bursting with shining silver pieces, and incited myself to believe that it really did contain something. I sat and coaxed myself quite audibly to guess the sum; if I guessed aright, it was to be mine.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I imagined the tiny, pretty penny bits at the bottom and the thick fluted shillings on top&#8212;a whole paper cornet full of money! I sat and gazed at it with wide opened eyes, and urged myself to go and steal it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then I hear the constable cough. What puts it into my head to do the same? I rise up from the seat and repeat the cough three times so that he may hear it. Won't he jump at the cornet when he comes. I sat and laughed at this trick, rubbed my hands with glee, and swore with rollicking recklessness. What a disappointment he will get, the dog! Wouldn't this piece of villainy make him inclined to sink into hell's hottest pool of torment! I was drunk with starvation; my hunger had made me tipsy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A few minutes later the policeman comes by, clinking his iron heels on the pavement, peering on all sides. He takes his time; he has the whole night before him; he does not notice the paper bag&#8212;not till he comes quite close to it. Then he stops and stares at it. It looks so white and so full as it lies there; perhaps a little sum&#8212;what? A little sum of silver money? . . . and he picks it up. Hum . . . it is light&#8212;very light; maybe an expensive feather; some hat trimming. . . . He opened it carefully with his big hands, and looked in. I laughed, laughed, slapped my thighs, and laughed like a maniac. And not a sound issued from my throat; my laughter was hushed and feverish to the intensity of tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Clink, clink again over the paving-stones, and the policeman took a turn towards the landing-stage. I sat there, with tears in my eyes, and hiccoughed for breath, quite beside myself with feverish merriment. I commenced to talk aloud, related to myself all about the cornet, imitated the poor policeman's movements, peeped into my hollow hand, and repeated over and over again to myself, &#034;He coughed as he threw it away&#8212;he coughed as he threw it away.&#034; I added new words to these, gave them additional point, changed the whole sentence, and made it catching and piquant. He coughed once&#8212;Kheu heu!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I exhausted myself in weaving variations on these words, and the evening was far advanced before my mirth ceased. Then a drowsy quiet overcame me; a pleasant languor which I did not attempt to resist. The darkness had intensified, and a slight breeze furrowed the pearl-blue sea. The ships, the masts of which I could see outlined against the sky, looked with their black hulls like voiceless monsters that bristled and lay in wait for me. I had no pain&#8212;my hunger had taken the edge off it. In its stead I felt pleasantly empty, untouched by everything around me, and glad not to be noticed by any one. I put my feet up on the seat and leant back. Thus I could best appreciate the well-being of perfect isolation. There was not a cloud on my mind, not a feeling of discomfort, and, so far as my thought reached, I had not a whim, not a desire unsatisfied. I lay with open eyes, in a state of utter absence of mind. I felt myself charmed away. Moreover, not a sound disturbed me. Soft darkness had hidden the whole world from my sight, and buried me in ideal rest. Only the lonely, crooning voice of silence strikes in monotones on my ear, and the dark monsters out there will draw me to them when night comes, and they will bear me far across the sea, through strange lands where no man dwells, and they will bear me to Princess Ylajali's palace, where an undreamt of grandeur awaits me, greater than that of any other man. And she herself will be sitting in a dazzling hall where all is of amethyst, on a throne of yellow roses, and will stretch out her hands to me when I alight; will smile and call as I approach and kneel: &#034;Welcome, welcome, knight, to me and my land! I have waited twenty summers for you, and called for you on all bright nights. And when you sorrowed I have wept here, and when you slept I have breathed sweet dreams in you!&#034; . . . And the fair one clasps my hand and, holding it, leads me through long corridors where great crowds of people cry, &#034;Hurrah!&#034; through bright gardens where three hundred tender maidens laugh and play; and through another hall where all is of emerald; and here the sun shines.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the corridors and galleries choirs of musicians march by, and rills of perfume are wafted towards me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I clasp her hand in mine; I feel the wild witchery of enchantment shiver through my blood, and I fold my arms around her, and she whispers, &#034;Not here; come yet farther!&#034; and we enter a crimson room, where all is of ruby, a foaming glory, in which I faint.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then I feel her arms encircle me; her breath fans my face with a whispered &#034;Welcome, loved one! Kiss me . . . more . . . more. . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I see from my seat stars shooting before my eyes, and my thoughts are swept away in a hurricane of light. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had fallen asleep where I lay, and was awakened by the policeman. There I sat, recalled mercilessly to life and misery. My first feeling was of stupid amazement at finding myself in the open air; but this was quickly replaced by a bitter despondency. I was near crying with sorrow at being still alive. It had rained whilst I slept, and my clothes were soaked through and through, and I felt a damp cold in my limbs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The darkness was denser; it was with difficulty that I could distinguish the policeman's face in front of me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;So, that's right,&#034; he said; &#034;get up now.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I got up at once; if he had commanded me to lie down again I would have obeyed too. I was fearfully dejected, and utterly without strength; added to that, I was almost instantly aware of the pangs of hunger again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Hold on there!&#034; the policeman shouted after me; &#034;why, you're walking off without your hat, you Juggins! So&#8212;h there; now, go on.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I indeed thought there was something&#8212;something I had forgotten,&#034; I stammered, absently. &#034;Thanks, good-night!&#034; and I stumbled away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If one only had a little bread to eat; one of those delicious little brown loaves that one could bite into as one walked along the street; and as I went on I thought over the particular sort of brown bread that would be so unspeakably good to munch. I was bitterly hungry; wished myself dead and buried; I got maudlin, and wept.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There never was any end to my misery. Suddenly I stopped in the street, stamped on the pavement, and cursed loudly. What was it he called me? A &#034;Juggins&#034;? I would just show him what calling me a &#034;Juggins&#034; means. I turned round and ran back. I felt red-hot with anger. Down the street I stumbled, and fell, but I paid no heed to it, jumped up again, and ran on. But by the time I reached the railway station I had become so tired that I did not feel able to proceed all the way to the landing-stage; besides, my anger had cooled down with the run. At length I pulled up and drew breath. Was it not, after all, a matter of perfect indifference to me what such a policeman said? Yes; but one couldn't stand everything. Right enough, I interrupted myself; but he knew no better. And I found this argument satisfactory. I repeated twice to myself, &#034;He knew no better&#034;; and with that I returned again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good Lord!&#034; thought I, wrathfully, &#034;what things you do take into your head: running about like a madman through the soaking wet streets on dark nights.&#034; My hunger was now tormenting me excruciatingly, and gave me no rest. Again and again I swallowed saliva to try and satisfy myself a little; I fancied it helped.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had been pinched, too, for food for ever so many weeks before this last period set in, and my strength had diminished considerably of late. When I had been lucky enough to raise five shillings by some man&#339;uvre or another they only lasted any time with difficulty; not long enough for me to be restored to health before a new hunger period set in and reduced me again. My back and shoulders caused me the worst trouble. I could stop the little gnawing I had in my chest by coughing hard, or bending well forward as I walked, but I had no remedy for back and shoulders. Whatever was the reason that things would not brighten up for me? Was I not just as much entitled to live as anyone else? for example, as Bookseller Pascha or Steam Agent Hennechen? Had I not two shoulders like a giant, and two strong hands to work with? and had I not, in sooth, even applied for a place as wood-chopper in M&#246;llergaden in order to earn my daily bread? Was I lazy? Had I not applied for situations, attended lectures, written articles, and worked day and night like a man possessed? Had I not lived like a miser, eaten bread and milk when I had plenty, bread alone when I had little, and starved when I had nothing? Did I live in an hotel? Had I a suite of rooms on the first floor? Why, I am living in a loft over a tinker's workshop, a loft already forsaken by God and man last winter, because the snow blew in. So I could not understand the whole thing; not a bit of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I slouched on, and dwelt upon all this, and there was not as much as a spark of bitterness or malice or envy in my mind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I halted at a paint-shop and gazed into the window. I tried to read the labels on a couple of the tins, but it was too dark. Vexed with myself over this new whim, and excited&#8212;almost angry at not being able to make out what these tins held,&#8212;I rapped twice sharply on the window and went on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Up the street I saw a policeman. I quickened my pace, went close up to him, and said, without the slightest provocation, &#034;It is ten o'clock.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, it's two,&#034; he answered, amazed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, it's ten,&#034; I persisted; &#034;it is ten o'clock!&#034; and, groaning with anger, I stepped yet a pace or two nearer, clenched my fist, and said, &#034;Listen, do you know what, it's ten o'clock!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He stood and considered a while, summed up my appearance, stared aghast at me, and at last said, quite gently, &#034;In any case, it's about time ye were getting home. Would ye like me to go with ye a bit?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was completely disarmed by this man's unexpected friendliness. I felt that tears sprang up to my eyes, and I hastened to reply:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, thank you! I have only been out a little too late in a caf&#233;. Thank you very much all the same!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He saluted with his hand to his helmet as I turned away. His friendliness had overwhelmed me, and I cried weakly, because I had not even a little coin to give him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I halted, and looked after him as he went slowly on his way. I struck my forehead, and, in measure, as he disappeared from my sight, I cried more violently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I railed at myself for my poverty, called myself abusive names, invented furious designations&#8212;rich, rough nuggets&#8212;in a vein of abuse with which I overwhelmed myself. I kept on at this until I was nearly home. On coming to the door I discovered I had dropped my keys.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, of course,&#034; I muttered to myself, &#034;why shouldn't I lose my keys? Here I am, living in a yard where there is a stable underneath and a tinker's workshop up above. The door is locked at night, and no one, no one can open it; therefore, why should I not lose my keys?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I am as wet as a dog&#8212;a little hungry&#8212;oh, just ever such a little hungry, and slightly, ay, absurdly tired about my knees; therefore, why should I not lose them?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Why, for that matter, had not the whole house flitted out to Aker by the time I came home and wished to enter it?&#034; . . . and I laughed to myself, hardened by hunger and exhaustion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I could hear the horses stamp in the stables, and I could see my window above, but I could not open the door, and I could not get in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It had begun to rain again, and I felt the water soak through to my shoulders. At the Town Hall I was seized by a bright idea. I would ask the policeman to open the door. I applied at once to a constable, and earnestly begged him to accompany me and let me in, if he could.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, if he could, yes! But he couldn't; he had no key. The police keys were not there; they were kept in the Detective Department.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was I to do then?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, I could go to an hotel and get a bed!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But I really couldn't go to an hotel and get a bed; I had no money, I had been out&#8212;in a caf&#233; . . . he knew . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We stood a while on the Town Hall steps. He considered and examined my personal appearance. The rain fell in torrents outside.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well then, you must go to the guard-house and report yourself as homeless!&#034; said he.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Homeless? I hadn't thought of that. Yes, by Jove, that was a capital idea; and I thanked the constable on the spot for the suggestion. Could I simply go in and say I was homeless?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Just that.&#034; . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Your name?&#034; inquired the guard.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Tangen&#8212;Andreas Tangen!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I don't know why I lied; my thoughts fluttered about disconnectedly and inspired me with many singular whims, more than I knew what to do with. I hit upon this out-of-the-way name on the spur of the moment, and blurted it out without any calculation. I lied without any occasion for doing so.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Occupation?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This was driving me into a corner with a vengeance. Occupation! what was my occupation? I thought first of turning myself into a tinker&#8212;but I dared not; firstly, I had given myself a name that was not common to every and any tinker&#8212;besides, I wore pince-nez. It suddenly entered my head to be foolhardy. I took a step forward and said firmly, almost solemnly:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;A journalist.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The guard gave a start before he wrote it down, whilst I stood as important as a homeless Cabinet Minister before the barrier. It roused no suspicions. The guard understood quite well why I hesitated a little before answering. What did it look like to see a journalist in the night guard-house without a roof over his head?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;On what paper, Herr Tangen?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;&lt;i&gt;Morgenbladet&lt;/i&gt;!&#034; said I. &#034;I have been out a little too late this evening, more's the shame!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, we won't mention that,&#034; he interrupted, with a smile; &#034;when young people are out . . . we understand!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Turning to a policeman, he said, as he rose and bowed politely to me, &#034;Show this gentleman up to the reserved section. Good-night!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I felt ice run down my back at my own boldness, and I clenched my hands to steady myself a bit. If I only hadn't dragged in the Morgenbladet. I knew Friele could show his teeth when he liked, and I was reminded of that by the grinding of the key turning in the lock.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;The gas will burn for ten minutes,&#034; remarked the policeman at the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;And then does it go out?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Then it goes out!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sat on the bed and listened to the turning of the key. The bright cell had a friendly air; I felt comfortably and well sheltered; and listened with pleasure to the rain outside&#8212;I couldn't wish myself anything better than such a cosy cell. My contentment increased. Sitting on the bed, hat in hand, and with eyes fastened on the gas jet over in the wall, I gave myself up to thinking over the minutes of my first interview with the police. This was the first time, and how hadn't I fooled them? &#034;Journalist!&#8212;Tangen! if you please! and then Morgenbladet!&#034; Didn't I appeal straight to his heart with &lt;i&gt;Morgenbladet&lt;/i&gt;? &#034;We won't mention that! Eh? Sat in state in the Stiftsgaarden till two o'clock; forgot door-key and a pocket-book with a thousand kroner at home. Show this gentleman up to the reserved section!&#034; . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All at once out goes the gas with a strange suddenness, without diminishing or flickering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sit in the deepest darkness; I cannot see my hand, nor the white walls&#8212;nothing. There was nothing for it but to go to bed, and I undressed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But I was not tired from want of sleep, and it would not come to me. I lay a while gazing into the darkness, this dense mass of gloom that had no bottom&#8212;my thoughts could not fathom it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It seemed beyond all measure dense to me, and I felt its presence oppress me. I closed my eyes, commenced to sing half under my breath, and tossed to and fro, in order to distract myself, but to no purpose. The darkness had taken possession of my thoughts and left me not a moment in peace. Supposing I were myself to be absorbed in darkness; made one with it?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I raise myself up in bed and fling out my arms. My nervous condition has got the upper hand of me, and nothing availed, no matter how much I tried to work against it. There I sat, a prey to the most singular fantasies, listening to myself crooning lullabies, sweating with the exertion of striving to hush myself to rest. I peered into the gloom, and I never in all the days of my life felt such darkness. There was no doubt that I found myself here, in face of a peculiar kind of darkness; a desperate element to which no one had hitherto paid attention. The most ludicrous thoughts busied me, and everything made me afraid.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A little hole in the wall at the head of my bed occupies me greatly&#8212;a nail hole. I find the marks in the wall&#8212;I feel it, blow into it, and try to guess its depth. That was no innocent hole&#8212;not at all. It was a downright intricate and mysterious hole, which I must guard against! Possessed by the thought of this hole, entirely beside myself with curiosity and fear, I get out of bed and seize hold of my half penknife in order to gauge its depth, and convince myself that it does not reach right into the next wall.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I lay down once more to try and fall asleep, but in reality to wrestle again with the darkness. The rain had ceased outside, and I could not hear a sound. I continued for a long time to listen for footsteps in the street, and got no peace until I heard a pedestrian go by&#8212;to judge from the sound, a constable. Suddenly I snap my fingers many times and laugh: &#034;That was the very deuce! Ha&#8212;ha!&#034; I imagined I had discovered a new word. I rise up in bed and say, &#034;It is not in the language; I have discovered it. 'Kuboa.' It has letters as a word has. By the benign God, man, you have discovered a word! . . . 'Kuboa' . . . a word of profound import.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sit with open eyes, amazed at my own find, and laugh for joy. Then I begin to whisper; some one might spy on me, and I intended to keep my discovery secret. I entered into the joyous frenzy of hunger. I was empty and free from pain, and I gave free rein to my thoughts.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In all calmness I revolve things in my mind. With the most singular jerks in my chain of ideas I seek to explain the meaning of my new word. There was no occasion for it to mean either God or the Tivoli&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb4&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;the Tivoli &#8211; Theatre of Varieties, etc., and Garden in Christiania.&#034; id=&#034;nh4&#034;&gt;4&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;; and who said that it was to signify cattle show? I clench my hands fiercely, and repeat once again, &#034;Who said that it was to signify cattle show?&#034; No; on second thoughts, it was not absolutely necessary that it should mean padlock, or sunrise. It was not difficult to find a meaning for such a word as this. I would wait and see. In the meantime I could sleep on it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I lie there on the stretcher-bed and laugh slily, but say nothing; give vent to no opinion one way or the other. Some minutes pass over, and I wax nervous; this new word torments me unceasingly, returns again and again, takes up my thoughts, and makes me serious. I had fully formed an opinion as to what it should &lt;i&gt;not&lt;/i&gt; signify, but had come to no conclusion as to what it should signify. &#034;That is quite a matter of detail,&#034; I said aloud to myself, and I clutched my arm and reiterated: &#034;That is quite a matter of detail.&#034; The word was found, God be praised! and that was the principal thing. But ideas worry me without end and hinder me from falling asleep. Nothing seemed good enough to me for this unusually rare word. At length I sit up in bed again, grasp my head in both hands, and say, &#034;No! it is just this, it is impossible to let it signify emigration or tobacco factory. If it could have meant anything like that I would have decided upon it long since and taken the consequences.&#034; No; in reality the word is fitted to signify something psychical, a feeling, a state. Could I not apprehend it? and I reflect profoundly in order to find something psychical. Then it seems to me that someone is interposing, interrupting my confab. I answer angrily, &#034;Beg pardon! Your match in idiotcy is not to be found; no, sir! Knitting cotton? Ah! go to hell!&#034; Well, really I had to laugh. Might I ask why should I be forced to let it signify knitting cotton, when I had a special dislike to its signifying knitting cotton? I had discovered the word myself, so, for that matter, I was perfectly within my right in letting it signify whatsoever I pleased. As far as I was aware, I had not yet expressed an opinion as to . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But my brain got more and more confused. At last I sprang out of bed to look for the water-tap. I was not thirsty, but my head was in a fever, and I felt an instinctive longing for water. When I had drunk some I got into bed again, and determined with all my might to settle to sleep. I closed my eyes and forced myself to keep quiet. I lay thus for some minutes without making a movement. I sweated and felt my blood jerk violently through my veins. No, it was really too delicious the way he thought to find money in the paper cornet! He only coughed once, too! I wonder if he is pacing up and down there yet! Sitting on my bench? the pearly blue sea . . . the ships . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I opened my eyes; how could I keep them shut when I could not sleep? The same darkness brooded over me; the same unfathomable black eternity which my thoughts strove against and could not understand. I made the most despairing efforts to find a word black enough to characterise this darkness; a word so horribly black that it would darken my lips if I named it. Lord! how dark it was! and I am carried back in thought to the sea and the dark monsters that lay in wait for me. They would draw me to them, and clutch me tightly and bear me away by land and sea, through dark realms that no soul has seen. I feel myself on board, drawn through waters, hovering in clouds, sinking&#8212;sinking.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I give a hoarse cry of terror, clutch the bed tightly&#8212;I had made such a perilous journey, whizzing down through space like a bolt. Oh, did I not feel that I was saved as I struck my hands against the wooden frame! &#034;This is the way one dies!&#034; said I to myself. &#034;Now you will die!&#034; and I lay for a while and thought over that I was to die.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then I start up in bed and ask severely, &#034;If I found the word, am I not absolutely within my right to decide myself what it is to signify?&#034; . . I could hear myself that I was raving; I could hear it now whilst I was talking. My madness was a delirium of weakness and prostration, but I was not out of my senses. All at once the thought darted through my brain that I was insane. Seized with terror, I spring out of bed again, I stagger to the door, which I try to open, fling myself against it a couple of times to burst it, strike my head against the wall, bewail loudly, bite my fingers, cry and curse . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All was quiet; only my own voice echoed from the walls. I had fallen to the floor, incapable of stumbling about the cell any longer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lying there I catch a glimpse, high up, straight before my eyes, of a greyish square in the wall, a suggestion of white, a presage&#8212;it must be of daylight. I felt it must be daylight, felt it through every pore in my body. Oh, did I not draw a breath of delighted relief! I flung myself flat on the floor and cried for very joy over this blessed glimpse of light, sobbed for very gratitude, blew a kiss to the window, and conducted myself like a maniac. And at this moment I was perfectly conscious of what I was doing. All my dejection had vanished; all despair and pain had ceased, and I had at this moment, at least as far as my thought reached, not a wish unfulfilled. I sat up on the floor, folded my hands, and waited patiently for the dawn.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What a night this had been!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That they had not heard any noise! I thought with astonishment. But then I was in the reserved section, high above all the prisoners. A homeless Cabinet Minister, if I might say so.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Still in the best of humours, with eyes turned towards the lighter, ever lighter square in the wall, I amused myself acting Cabinet Minister; called myself Von Tangen, and clothed my speech in a dress of red-tape. My fancies had not ceased, but I was far less nervous. If I only had not been thoughtless enough to leave my pocket-book at home! Might I not have the honour of assisting his Right Honourable the Prime Minister to bed? And in all seriousness, and with much ceremony I went over to the stretcher and lay down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
By this it was so light that I could distinguish in some degree the outlines of the cell and, little by little, the heavy handle of the door. This diverted me; the monotonous darkness so irritating in its impenetrability that it prevented me from seeing myself was broken; my blood flowed more quietly; I soon felt my eyes close.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was aroused by a couple of knocks on my door. I jumped up in all haste, and clad myself hurriedly; my clothes were still wet through from last night.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You'll report yourself downstairs to the officer on duty,&#034; said the constable.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Were there more formalities to be gone through, then? I thought with fear.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Below I entered a large room, where thirty or forty people sat, all homeless. They were called up one by one by the registering clerk, and one by one they received a ticket for breakfast. The officer on duty repeated constantly to the policeman at his side, &#034;Did he get a ticket? Don't forget to give them tickets; they look as if they want a meal!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And I stood and looked at these tickets, and wished I had one.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Andreas Tangen&#8212;journalist.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I advanced and bowed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But, my dear fellow, how did you come here?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I explained the whole state of the case, repeated the same story as last night, lied without winking, lied with frankness&#8212;had been out rather late, worse luck . . . caf&#233; . . . lost door-key . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes,&#034; he said, and he smiled; &#034;that's the way! Did you sleep well then?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I answered, &#034;Like a Cabinet Minister&#8212;like a Cabinet Minister!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I am glad to hear it,&#034; he said, and he stood up. &#034;Good-morning.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And I went!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A ticket! a ticket for me too! I have not eaten for more than three long days and nights. A loaf! But no one offered me a ticket, and I dared not demand one. It would have roused suspicion at once. They would begin to poke their noses into my private affairs, and discover who I really was; they might arrest me for false pretences; and so, with elevated head, the carriage of a millionaire, and hands thrust under my coat-tails, I stride out of the guard-house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The sun shone warmly, early as it was. It was ten o'clock, and the traffic in Young's Market was in full swing. Which way should I take? I slapped my pockets and felt for my manuscript. At eleven I would try and see the editor. I stand a while on the balustrade, and watch the bustle under me. Meanwhile, my clothes commenced to steam. Hunger put in its appearance afresh, gnawed at my breast, clutched me, and gave small, sharp stabs that caused me pain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Had I not a friend&#8212;an acquaintance whom I could apply to? I ransack my memory to find a man good for a penny piece, and fail to find him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, it was a lovely day, anyway! Sunlight bright and warm surrounded me. The sky stretched away like a beautiful sea over the Lier mountains.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Without knowing it, I was on my way home. I hungered sorely. I found a chip of wood in the street to chew&#8212;that helped a bit. To think that I hadn't thought of that sooner! The door was open; the stable-boy bade me good-morning as usual.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Fine weather,&#034; said he.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes,&#034; I replied. That was all I found to say. Could I ask for the loan of a shilling? He would be sure to lend it willingly if he could; besides that, I had written a letter for him once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He stood and turned something over in his mind before he ventured on saying it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Fine weather! Ahem! I ought to pay my landlady to-day; you wouldn't be so kind as to lend me five shillings, would you? Only for a few days, sir. You did me a service once before, so you did.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; I really can't do it, Jens Olaj,&#034; I answered. &#034;Not now perhaps later on, maybe in the afternooon,&#034; and I staggered up the stairs to my room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I flung myself on my bed, and laughed. How confoundedly lucky it was that he had forestalled me; my self-respect was saved. Five shillings! God bless you, man, you might just as well have asked me for five shares in the Dampk&#246;kken, or an estate out in Aker.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the thought of these five shillings made me laugh louder and louder. Wasn't I a devil of a fellow, eh? Five shillings! My mirth increased, and I gave way to it. Ugh! what a shocking smell of cooking there was here&#8212;a downright disgustingly strong smell of chops for dinner, phew! and I flung open the window to let out this beastly smell. &#034;Waiter, a plate of beef!&#034; Turning to the table&#8212;this miserable table that I was forced to support with my knees when I wrote&#8212;I bowed profoundly, and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;May I ask will you take a glass of wine? No? I am Tangen&#8212;Tangen, the Cabinet Minister. I&#8212;more's the pity&#8212;I was out a little late . . . the door-key.&#034; Once more my thoughts ran without rein in intricate paths. I was continually conscious that I talked at random, and yet I gave utterance to no word without hearing and understanding it. I said to myself, &#034;Now you are talking at random again,&#034; and yet I could not help myself. It was as if one were lying awake, and yet talking in one's sleep.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My head was light, without pain and without pressure, and my mood was unshadowed. It sailed away with me, and I made no effort.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Come in! Yes, only come right in! As you see, everything is of ruby&#8212;Ylajali, Ylajali! that swelling crimson silken divan! Ah, how passionately she breathes. Kiss me&#8212;loved one&#8212;more&#8212;more! Your arms are like pale amber, your mouth blushes. . . . Waiter, I asked for a plate of beef!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The sun gleamed in through the window, and I could hear the horses below chewing oats. I sat and mumbled over my chip gaily, glad at heart as a child.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I kept all the time feeling for my manuscript. It wasn't really in my thoughts, but instinct told me it was there&#8212;'twas in my blood to remember it, and I took it out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It had got wet, and I spread it out in the sun to dry; then I took to wandering up and down the room. How depressing everything looked! Small scraps of tin shavings were trodden into the floor; there was not a chair to sit upon, not even a nail in the bare walls. Everything had been brought to my &#034;Uncle's,&#034; and consumed. A few sheets of paper lying on the table, covered with thick dust, were my sole possession; the old green blanket on the bed was lent to me by Hans Pauli some months ago. . . . Hans Pauli! I snap my fingers. Hans Pauli Pettersen shall help me! He would certainly be very angry that I had not appealed to him at once. I put on my hat in haste, gather up the manuscript, thrust it into my pocket, and hurry downstairs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Listen, Jens Olaj!&#034; I called into the stable, &#034;I am nearly certain I can help you in the afternoon.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Arrived at the Town Hall I saw that it was past eleven, and I determined on going to the editor at once. I stopped outside the office door to see if my sheets were paged rightly, smoothed them carefully out, put them back in my pocket, and knocked. My heart beat audibly as I entered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Scissors&#034; is there as usual. I inquire timorously for the editor. No answer. The man sits and probes for minor items of news amongst the provincial papers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I repeat my question, and advance a little farther.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;The editor has not come yet!&#034; said &#034;Scissors&#034; at length, without looking up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
How soon would he come?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Couldn't say&#8212;couldn't say at all!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
How long would the office be open?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To this I received no answer, so I was forced to leave. &#034;Scissors&#034; had not once looked up at me during all this scene; he had heard my voice, and recognised me by it. You are in such bad odour here, thought I, that he doesn't even take the trouble to answer you. I wonder if that is an order of the editor's. I had, 'tis true enough, right from the day my celebrated story was accepted for ten shillings, overwhelmed him with work, rushed to his door nearly every day with unsuitable things that he was obliged to peruse only to return them to me. Perhaps he wished to put an end to this&#8212;take stringent measures. . . . I took the road to Homandsbyen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hans Pauli Pettersen was a peasant-farmer's son, a student, living in the attic of a five-storeyed house; therefore, Hans Pauli Pettersen was a poor man. But if he had a shilling he wouldn't stint it. I would get it just as sure as if I already held it in my hand. And I rejoiced the whole time, as I went, over the shilling, and felt confident I would get it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When I got to the street door it was closed and I had to ring.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I want to see Student Pettersen,&#034; I said, and was about to step inside. &#034;I know his room.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Student Pettersen,&#034; repeats the girl. &#034;Was it he who had the attic?&#034; He had moved.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, she didn't know the address; but he had asked his letters to be sent to Hermansen in Tolbodgaden, and she mentioned the number.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I go, full of trust and hope, all the way to Tolbodgaden to ask Hans Pauli's address; being my last chance, I must turn it to account. On the way I came to a newly-built house, where a couple of joiners stood planing outside. I picked up a few satiny shavings from the heap, stuck one in my mouth, and the other in my pocket for by-and-by, and continued my journey.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I groaned with hunger. I had seen a marvellously large penny loaf at a baker's&#8212;the largest I could possibly get for the price.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I come to find out Student Pettersen's address!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Bernt Akers Street, No. 10, in the attic.&#034; Was I going out there? Well, would I perhaps be kind enough to take out a couple of letters that had come for him?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I trudge up town again, along the same road, pass by the joiners&#8212;who are sitting with their cans between their knees, eating their good warm dinner from the Dampk&#246;kken&#8212;pass the bakers, where the loaf is still in its place, and at length reach Bernt Akers Street, half dead with fatigue. The door is open, and I mount all the weary stairs to the attic. I take the letters out of my pocket in order to put Hans Pauli into a good humour on the moment of my entrance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He would be certain not to refuse to give me a helping hand when I explained how things were with me; no, certainly not; Hans Pauli had such a big heart I had always said that of him. . . . I discovered his card fastened to the door&#8212;&#034;H. P. Pettersen, Theological Student, 'gone home.'&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sat down without more ado&#8212;sat down on the bare floor, dulled with fatigue, fairly beaten with exhaustion. I mechanically mutter, a couple of times, &#034;Gone home&#8212;gone home!&#034; then I keep perfectly quiet. There was not a tear in my eyes; I had not a thought, not a feeling of any kind. I sat and stared, with wide-open eyes, at the letters, without coming to any conclusion. Ten minutes went over&#8212;perhaps twenty or more. I sat stolidly on the one spot, and did not move a finger. This numb feeling of drowsiness was almost like a brief slumber. I hear someone come up the stairs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It was Student Pettersen, I . . . I have two letters for him.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;He has gone home,&#034; replies the woman; &#034;but he will return after the holidays. I could take the letters if you like!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, thanks! that was all right,&#034; said I. &#034;He could get them then when he came back; they might contain matters of importance. Good-morning.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When I got outside, I came to a standstill and said loudly in the open street, as I clenched my hands: &#034;I will tell you one thing, my good Lord God, you are a bungler!&#034; and I nod furiously, with set teeth, up to the clouds; &#034;I will be hanged if you are not a bungler.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then I took a few strides, and stopped again. Suddenly, changing my attitude, I fold my hands, hold my head on one side, and ask, with an unctuous, sanctimonious tone of voice: &#034;Hast thou appealed also to him, my child?&#034; It did not sound right!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With a large H, I say, with an H as big as a cathedral! once again, &#034;Hast thou invoked Him, my child?&#034; and I incline my head, and I make my voice whine, and answer, No!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That didn't sound right either.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
You can't play the hypocrite, you idiot! Yes, you should say, I have invoked God my Father! and you must set your words to the most piteous tune you have ever heard in your life. So&#8212;o! Once again! Come, that was better! But you must sigh like a horse down with the colic. So&#8212;o! that's right. Thus I go, drilling myself in hypocrisy; stamp impatiently in the street when I fail to succeed; rail at myself for being such a blockhead, whilst the astonished passers-by turn round and stare at me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I chewed uninterruptedly at my shaving, and proceeded, as steadily as I could, along the street. Before I realised it, I was at the railway square. The clock on Our Saviour's pointed to half-past one. I stood for a bit and considered. A faint sweat forced itself out on my face, and trickled down my eyelids. Accompany me down to the bridge, said I to myself&#8212;that is to say, if you have spare time!&#8212;and I made a bow to myself, and turned towards the railway bridge near the wharf.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The ships lay there, and the sea rocked in the sunshine. There was bustle and movement everywhere, shrieking steam-whistles, quay porters with cases on their shoulders, lively &#034;shanties&#034; coming from the prams. An old woman, a vendor of cakes, sits near me, and bends her brown nose down over her wares. The little table before her is sinfully full of nice things, and I turn away with distaste. She is filling the whole quay with her smell of cakes&#8212;phew! up with the windows!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I accosted a gentleman sitting at my side, and represented forcibly to him the nuisance of having cake-sellers here, cake-sellers there. . . . Eh? Yes; but he must really admit that. . . . But the good man smelt a rat, and did not give me time to finish speaking, for he got up and left. I rose, too, and followed him, firmly determined to convince him of his mistake.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;If it was only out of consideration for sanitary conditions,&#034; said I; and I slapped him on the shoulders.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Excuse me, I am a stranger here, and know nothing of the sanitary conditions,&#034; he replied, and stared at me with positive fear.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Oh, that alters the case! if he was a stranger. . . . Could I not render him a service in any way? show him about? Really not? because it would be a pleasure to me, and it would cost him nothing. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the man wanted absolutely to get rid of me, and he sheered off, in all haste, to the other side of the street.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I returned to the bench and sat down. I was fearfully disturbed, and the big street organ that had begun to grind a tune a little farther away made me still worse&#8212;a regular metallic music, a fragment of Weber, to which a little girl is singing a mournful strain. The flute-like sorrowfulness of the organ thrills through my blood; my nerves vibrate in responsive echo. A moment later, and I fall back on the seat, whimpering and crooning in time to it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Oh, what strange freaks one's thoughts are guilty of when one is starving. I feel myself lifted up by these notes, dissolved in tones, and I float out, I feel so clearly. How I float out, soaring high above the mountains, dancing through zones of light!. . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;A halfpenny,&#034; whines the little organ-girl, reaching forth her little tin plate; &#034;only a halfpenny.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes,&#034; I said, unthinkingly, and I sprang to my feet and ransacked all my pockets. But the child thinks I only want to make fun of her, and she goes away at once without saying a word.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This dumb forbearance was too much for me. If she had abused me, it would have been more endurable. I was stung with pain, and recalled her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I don't possess a farthing; but I will remember you later on, maybe to-morrow. What is your name? Yes, that is a pretty name; I won't forget it. Till to-morrow, then. . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But I understood quite well that she did not believe me, although she never said one word; and I cried with despair because this little street wench would not believe in me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Once again I called her back, tore open my coat, and was about to give her my waistcoat. &#034;I will make up to you for it,&#034; said I; &#034;wait only a moment&#034; . . . and lo! I had no waistcoat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What in the world made me look for it? Weeks had gone by since it was in my possession. What was the matter with me, anyway? The astonished child waited no longer, but withdrew fearsomely, and I was compelled to let her go. People throng round me and laugh aloud, and a policeman thrusts his way through to me, and wants to know what is the row.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Nothing!&#034; I reply, &#034;nothing at all; I only wanted to give the little girl over there my waistcoat . . . for her father . . . you needn't stand there and laugh at that . . . I have only to go home and put on another.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No disturbance in the street,&#034; says the constable; &#034;so, march,&#034; and he gives me a shove on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Is them your papers?&#034; he calls after me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, by Jove! my newspaper leader; many important papers? How ever could I be so careless?&#034; I snatch up my manuscript, convince myself that it is lying in order, and go, without stopping a second or looking about me, towards the editor's office.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was now four by the clock of Our Saviour's Church. The office is shut. I steal noiselessly down the stairs, frightened as a thief, and stand irresolutely outside the door. What should I do now? I lean up against the wall, stare down at the stones, and consider. A pin is lying glistening at my feet; I stoop and pick it up. Supposing I were to cut the buttons off my coat, how much could I get for them? Perhaps it would be no use, though buttons are buttons; but yet, I look and examine them, and find them as good as new&#8212;that was a lucky idea all the same; I could cut them off with my penknife and take them to the pawn-office. The hope of being able to sell these five buttons cheered me immediately, and I cried, &#034;See, see; it will all come right!&#034; My delight got the upper hand of me, and I at once set to to cut off the buttons one by one. Whilst thus occupied, I held the following hushed soliloquy:&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, you see one has become a little impoverished; a momentary embarrassment . . . worn out, do you say? You must not make slips when you speak. I would like to see the person who wears out less buttons than I do, I can tell you? I always go with my coat open; it is a habit of mine, an idiosyncrasy. . . . No, no; of course, if you won't, well! But I must have a penny for them, at the least. . . . No indeed! who said you were obliged to do it? You can hold your tongue, and leave me in peace. . . . Yes, well, you can fetch a policeman, can't you? I'll wait here whilst you are out looking for him, and I won't steal anything from you. Well, good-day! Good-day! My name, by the way, is Tangen; have been out a little late. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Some one comes up the stairs. I am recalled at once to reality. I recognise &#034;Scissors,&#034; and put the buttons carefully into my pocket. He attempts to pass; doesn't even acknowledge my nod; is suddenly intently busied with his nails. I stop him, and inquire for the editor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Not in, do you hear.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You lie,&#034; I said, and, with a cheek that fairly amazed myself, I continued, &#034;I must have a word with him; it is a necessary errand&#8212;communications from the Stiftsgaarden&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb5&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Stiftsgaarden &#8211; dwelling of the civil governor of a Stift or diocese.&#034; id=&#034;nh5&#034;&gt;5&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, can't you tell me what it is, then?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Tell you?&#034; and I looked &#034;Scissors&#034; up and down. This had the desired effect. He accompanied me at once, and opened the door. My heart was in my mouth now; I set my teeth, to try and revive my courage, knocked, and entered the editor's private office.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-day! Is it you?&#034; he asked, kindly; &#034;sit down.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If he had shown me the door it would have been almost as acceptable. I felt as if I were on the point of crying, and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I beg you will excuse . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Pray, sit down,&#034; he repeated. And I sat down, and explained that I again had an article which I was extremely anxious to get into his paper. I had taken such pains with it; it had cost me much effort.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I will read it,&#034; said he, and he took it. &#034;Everything you write is certain to cost you effort, but you are far too impetuous; if you could only be a little more sober. There's too much fever. In the meantime, I will read it,&#034; and he turned to the table again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There I sat. Dared I ask for a shilling? explain to him why there was always fever? He would be sure to aid me; it was not the first time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stood up. Hum! But the last time I was with him he had complained about money, and had sent a messenger out to scrape some together for me. Maybe it might be the same case now. No; it should not occur! Could I not see then that he was sitting at work?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Was there otherwise anything? he inquired.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No,&#034; I answered, and I compelled my voice to sound steady. &#034;About how soon shall I call in again?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, any time you are passing&#8212;in a couple of days or so.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I could not get my request over my lips. This man's friendliness seemed to me beyond bounds, and I ought to know how to appreciate it. Rather die of hunger! I went. Not even when I was outside the door, and felt once more the pangs of hunger, did I repent having left the office without having asked for that shilling. I took the other shaving out of my pocket and stuck it into my mouth. It helped. Why hadn't I done so before? &#034;You ought to be ashamed of yourself,&#034; I said aloud. &#034;Could it really have entered your head to ask the man for a shilling and put him to inconvenience again?&#034; and I got downright angry with myself for the effrontery of which I had almost been guilty. &#034;That is, by God! the shabbiest thing I ever heard,&#034; said I, &#034;to rush at a man and nearly tear the eyes out of his head just because you happen to need a shilling, you miserable dog! So&#8212;o, march! quicker! quicker! you big thumping lout; I'll teach you.&#034; I commenced to run to punish myself, left one street after the other behind me at a bound, goaded myself on with suppressed cries, and shrieked dumbly and furiously at myself whenever I was about to halt. Thus I arrived a long way up Pyle Street, when at last I stood still, almost ready to cry with vexation at not being able to run any farther. I was trembling over my whole body, and I flung myself down on a step. &#034;No; stop!&#034; I said, and, in order to torture myself rightly, I arose again, and forced myself to keep standing. I jeered at myself, and hugged myself with pleasure at the spectacle of my own exhaustion. At length, after the lapse of a few moments, I gave myself, with a nod, permission to be seated, though, even then, I chose the most uncomfortable place on the steps.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lord! how delicious it was to rest! I dried the sweat off my face, and drew great refreshing breaths. How had I not run! But I was not sorry; I had richly deserved it. Why did I want to ask for that shilling? Now I could see the consequences, and I began to talk mildly to myself, dealing out admonitions as a mother might have done. I grew more and more moved, and tired and weak as I was, I fell a-crying. A quiet, heart-felt cry; an inner sobbing without a tear.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sat for the space of a quarter of an hour, or more, in the same place. People came and went, and no one molested me. Little children played about around me, and a small bird sang on a tree on the other side of the street.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A policeman came towards me. &#034;Why do you sit here?&#034; said he.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Why do I sit here?&#034; I replied; &#034;for pleasure.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I have been watching you for the last half-hour. You've sat here now half-an-hour.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;About that,&#034; I replied; &#034;anything more?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I got up in a temper and walked on. Arrived at the market-place, I stopped and gazed down the street. For pleasure. Now, was that an answer to give? For weariness, you should have replied, and made your voice whining. You are a booby; you will never learn to dissemble. From exhaustion, and you should have gasped like a horse.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When I got to the fire look-out, I halted afresh, seized by a new idea. I snapped my fingers, burst into a loud laugh that confounded the passers-by, and said: &#034;Now you shall just go to Levion the parson. You shall, as sure as death&#8212;ay, just for a try. What have you got to lose by it? and it is such glorious weather!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I entered Pascha's book-shop, found Pastor Levion's address in the directory, and started for it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now for it! said I. Play no pranks. Conscience, did you say? No rubbish, if you please. You are too poor to support a conscience. You are hungry; you have come on important business&#8212;the first thing needful. But you shall hold your head askew, and set your words to a sing-song. You won't! What? Well then, I won't go a step farther. Do you hear that? Indeed, you are in a sorely tempted condition, fighting with the powers of darkness and great voiceless monsters at night, so that it is a horror to think of; you hunger and thirst for wine and milk, and don't get them. It has gone so far with you. Here you stand and haven't as much as a halfpenny to bless yourself with. But you believe in grace, the Lord be praised; you haven't yet lost your faith; and then you must clasp your hands together, and look a very Satan of a fellow for believing in grace. As far as Mammon was concerned, why, you hated Mammon with all its pomps in any form. Now it's quite another thing with a psalm-book&#8212;a souvenir to the extent of a few shillings. . . . I stopped at the pastor's door, and read, &#034;Office hours, 12 to 4.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mind, no fudge, I said; now we'll go ahead in earnest! So hang your head a little more, and I rang at the private entrance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I want to see the pastor,&#034; said I to the maid; but it was not possible for me to get in God's name yet awhile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;He has gone out.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gone out, gone out! That destroyed my whole plan; scattered all I had intended to say to the four winds. What had I gained then by the long walk? There I stood.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Was it anything particular?&#034; questioned the maid.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Not at all,&#034; I replied, &#034;not at all.&#034; It was only just that it was such glorious God's weather that I thought I would come out and make a call.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There I stood, and there she stood. I purposely thrust out my chest to attract her attention to the pin that held my coat together. I implored her with a look to see what I had come for, but the poor creature didn't understand it at all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lovely God's weather. Was not the mistress at home either?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes; but she had gout, and lay on a sofa without being able to move herself. . . . Perhaps I would leave a message or something?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No, not at all; I only just took walks like this now and again, just for exercise; it was so wholesome after dinner. . . . I set out on the road back&#8212;what would gossiping longer lead to? Besides, I commenced to feel dizzy. There was no mistake about it; I was about to break down in earnest. Office hours from 12 to 4. I had knocked at the door an hour too late. The time of grace was over. I sat down on one of the benches near the church in the market. Lord! how black things began to look for me now! I did not cry; I was too utterly tired, worn to the last degree. I sat there without trying to arrive at any conclusion, sad, motionless, and starving. My chest was much inflamed; it smarted most strangely and sorely&#8212;nor would chewing shavings help me much longer. My jaws were tired of that barren work, and I let them rest. I simply gave up. A brown orange-peel, too, I had found in the street, and which I had at once commenced to chew, had given me nausea. I was ill&#8212;the veins swelled up bluely on my wrists. What was it I had really sought after? Run about the whole live-long day for a shilling, that would but keep life in me for a few hours longer. Considering all, was it not a matter of indifference if the inevitable took place one day earlier or one day later? If I had conducted myself like an ordinary being I should have gone home long ago, and laid myself down to rest, and given in. My mind was clear for a moment. Now I was to die. It was in the time of the fall, and all things were hushed to sleep. I had tried every means, exhausted every resource of which I knew. I fondled this thought sentimentally, and each time I still hoped for a possible succour I whispered repudiatingly: &#034;You fool, you have already begun to die.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I ought to write a couple of letters, make all ready&#8212;prepare myself. I would wash myself carefully, and tidy my bed nicely. I would lay my head upon the sheets of white paper, the cleanest things I had left, and the green blanket. I . . . The green blanket! Like a shot I was wide awake. The blood mounted to my head, and I got violent palpitation of the heart. I arise from the seat, and start to walk. Life stirs again in all my fibres, and time after time I repeat disconnectedly, &#034;The green blanket&#8212;the green blanket.&#034; I go faster and faster, as if it is a case of fetching something, and stand after a little time in my tinker's workshop. Without pausing a moment, or wavering in my resolution, I go over to the bed, and roll up Hans Pauli's blanket. It was a strange thing if this bright idea of mine couldn't save me. I rose infinitely superior to the stupid scruples which sprang up in me&#8212;half inward cries about a certain stain on my honour. I bade good-bye to the whole of them. I was no hero&#8212;no virtuous idiot. I had my senses left.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So I took the blanket under my arm and went to No 5 Stener's Street. I knocked, and entered the big, strange room for the first time. The bell on the door above my head gave a lot of violent jerks. A man enters from a side room, chewing, his mouth is full of food, and stands behind the counter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Eh, lend me sixpence on my eye-glasses?&#034; said I. &#034;I shall release them in a couple of days, without fail&#8212;eh?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No! they're steel, aren't they?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; can't do it.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah, no, I suppose you can't. Well, it was really at best only a joke. Well, I have a blanket with me for which, properly speaking, I have no longer any use, and it struck me that you might take it off my hands.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I have&#8212;more's the pity&#8212;a whole store full of bed-clothes,&#034; he replied; and when I had opened it he just cast one glance over it and said, &#034;No, excuse me, but I haven't any use for that, either.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I wanted to show you the worst side first,&#034; said I; &#034;it's much better on the other side.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ay, ay; it's no good. I wouldn't own it; and you wouldn't raise a penny on it anywhere.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, it's clear it isn't worth anything,&#034; I said; &#034;but I thought it might go with another old blanket at an auction.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, no; it's no use.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Three pence?&#034; said I.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; I won't have it all, man! I wouldn't have it in the house!&#034; I took it under my arm and went home.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I acted as if nothing had passed, spread it over the bed again, smoothed it well out, as was my custom, and tried to wipe away every trace of my late action. I could not possibly have been in my right mind at the moment when I came to the conclusion to commit this rascally trick. The more I thought over it the more unreasonable it seemed to me. It must have been an attack of weakness; some relaxation in my inner self that had surprised me when off my guard. Neither had I fallen straight into the trap. I had half felt that I was going the wrong road, and I expressly offered my glasses first, and I rejoiced greatly that I had not had the opportunity of carrying into effect this fault which would have sullied the last hours I had to live.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I wandered out into the city again. I let myself sink upon one of the seats by Our Saviour's Church; dozed with my head on my breast, apathetic after my last excitement, sick and famished with hunger. And time went by.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I should have to sit out this hour, too. It was a little lighter outside than in the house, and it seemed to me that my chest did not pain quite so badly out in the open air. I should get home, too, soon enough&#8212;and I dozed, and thought, and suffered fearfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had found a little pebble; I wiped it clean on my coat sleeve and put it into my mouth so that I might have something to mumble. Otherwise I did not stir, and didn't even wink an eyelid. People came and went; the noise of cars, the tramp of hoofs, and chatter of tongues filled the air. I might try with the buttons. Of course there would be no use in trying; and besides, I was now in a rather bad way; but when I came to consider the matter closely, I would be obliged, as it were, to pass in the direction of my &#034;Uncle's&#034; as I went home. At last I got up, dragging myself slowly to my feet, and reeled down the streets. It began to burn over my eyebrows&#8212;fever was setting in, and I hurried as fast as I could. Once more I passed the baker's shop where the little loaf lay. &#034;Well, we must stop here!&#034; I said, with affected decision. But supposing I were to go in and beg for a bit of bread? Surely that was a fleeting thought, a flash; it could never really have occurred to me seriously. &#034;Fie!&#034; I whispered to myself, and shook my head, and held on my way. In Rebslager a pair of lovers stood in a doorway and talked together softly; a little farther up a girl popped her head out of a window. I walked so slowly and thoughtfully, that I looked as if I might be deep in meditation on nothing in particular, and the wench came out into the street. &#034;How is the world treating you, old fellow? Eh, what, are you ill? Nay, the Lord preserve us, what a face!&#034; and she drew away frightened. I pulled up at once: What's amiss with my face? Had I really begun to die? I felt over my cheeks with my hand; thin&#8212;naturally, I was thin&#8212;my cheeks were like two hollowed bowls; but Lord . . . I reeled along again, but again came to a standstill; I must be quite inconceivably thin. Who knows but that my eyes were sinking right into my head? How did I look in reality? It was the very deuce that one must let oneself turn into a living deformity for sheer hunger's sake. Once more I was seized by fury, a last flaring up, a final spasm. &#034;Preserve me, what a face. Eh?&#034; Here I was, with a head that couldn't be matched in the whole country, with a pair of fists that, by the Lord, could grind a navvy into finest dust, and yet I went and hungered myself into a deformity, right in the town of Christiania. Was there any rhyme or reason in that? I had sat in saddle, toiled day and night like a carrier's horse.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had read my eyes out of their sockets, had starved the brains out of my head, and what the devil had I gained by it? Even a street hussy prayed God to deliver her from the sight of me. Well, now, there should be a stop to it. Do you understand that? Stop it shall, or the devil take a worse hold of me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With steadily increasing fury, grinding my teeth under the consciousness of my impotence, with tears and oaths I raged on, without looking at the people who passed me by. I commenced once more to martyr myself, ran my forehead against lamp-posts on purpose, dug my nails deep into my palms, bit my tongue with frenzy when it didn't articulate clearly, and laughed insanely each time it hurt much.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes; but what shall I do? I asked myself at last, and I stamped many times on the pavement and repeated, What shall I do? A gentleman just going by remarks, with a smile, &#034;You ought to go and ask to be locked up.&#034; I looked after him. One of our well-known lady's doctors, nicknamed &#034;The Duke.&#034; Not even he understood my real condition&#8212;a man I knew; whose hand I had shaken. I grew quiet. Locked up? Yes, I was mad; he was right. I felt madness in my blood; felt its darting pain through my brain. So that was to be the end of me! Yes, yes; and I resume my wearisome painful walk. There was the haven in which I was to find rest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly I stop again. But not locked up! I say, not that; and I grew almost hoarse with fear. I implored grace for myself; begged to the wind and weather not to be locked up. I should have to be brought to the guard-house again, imprisoned in a dark cell which had not a spark of light in it. Not that! There must be other channels yet open that I had not tried, and I would try them. I would be so earnestly painstaking; would take good time for it, and go indefatigably round from house to house. For example, there was Cisler the music-seller; I hadn't been to him at all. Some remedy would turn up! . . . Thus I stumbled on, and talked until I brought myself to weep with emotion. Cisler! Was that perchance a hint from on high? His name had struck me for no reason, and he lived so far away; but I would look him up all the same, go slowly, and rest between times. I knew the place well; I had been there often, when times were good had bought much music from him. Should I ask him for sixpence? Perhaps that might make him feel uncomfortable. I would ask for a shilling. I went into the shop, and asked for the chief. They showed me into his office; there he sat handsome, well-dressed in the latest style running down some accounts. I stammered through an excuse, and set forth my errand. Compelled by need to apply to him . . . it should not be very long till I could pay it back . . . when I got paid for my newspaper article . . . He would confer such a great benefit on me. . . . Even as I was speaking he turned about to his desk, and resumed his work. When I had finished, he glanced sideways at me, shook his handsome head, and said, &#034;No&#034;; simply &#034;no&#034;&#8212;no explanation&#8212;not another word.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My knees trembled fearfully, and I supported myself against the little polished barrier. I must try once more. Why should just his name have occurred to me as I stood far away from there in Vaterland? Something in my left side jerked a couple of times, and I broke out into a sweat. I said I was really awfully run down, and rather ill, worse luck. It would certainly be no longer than a few days when I could repay it. If he would be so kind?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;My dear fellow, why do you come to me?&#034; he queried; &#034;you are a perfect stranger off the street to me; go to the paper where you are known.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But only for this evening,&#034; said I; &#034;the office is already shut up, and I am very hungry.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He shook his head persistently; kept on shaking it after I had seized the handle of the door. &#034;Good-evening,&#034; I said. It was not any hint from on high, thought I, and I smiled bitterly. If it came to that, I could give as good a hint as that myself. I dragged on one block after the other; now and then I rested on a step. If only I could escape being locked up. The terror of that cell pursued me all the time; left me no peace. Whenever I caught sight of a policeman in my path I staggered into a side street to avoid meeting him. Now, then, we will count a hundred steps, and try our luck again! There must be a remedy sometime. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a little yarn-shop&#8212;a place in which I had never before set foot; a solitary man behind the counter (there was an office beyond, with a china plate on the door) was arranging things on the shelves and counter. I waited till the last customer had left the shop&#8212;a young lady with dimples. How happy she looked! I was not backward in trying to make an impression with the pin holding my coat together. I turned, and my chest heaved.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Do you wish for anything?&#034; queried the shopman.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Is the chief in?&#034; I asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;He is gone for a mountain tour in Jotunhejmen,&#034; he replied. Was it anything very particular, eh?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It concerns a couple of pence for food,&#034; I said, and I tried to smile. &#034;I am hungry, and haven't a fraction.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Then you're just about as rich as I am,&#034; he remarked, and began to tidy some packages of wool.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah, don't turn me away&#8212;not now!&#034; I said on the moment, with a cold feeling over my whole body. &#034;I am really nearly dead with hunger; it is now many days since I have eaten anything.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With perfect gravity, without saying a word, he began to turn his pockets inside out, one by one. Would I not believe him, upon his word? What?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Only a halfpenny,&#034; said I, &#034;and you shall have a penny back in a couple of days.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;My dear man, do you want me to steal out of the till?&#034; he queried, impatiently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes,&#034; said I. &#034;Yes; take a halfpenny out of the till.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It won't be I that will do that,&#034; he observed; adding, &#034;and let me tell you, at the same time, I've had about enough of this.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I tore myself out, sick with hunger, and boiling with shame. I had turned myself into a dog for the sake of a miserable bone, and I had not got it. Nay, now there must be an end of this! It had really gone all too far with me. I had held myself up for many years, stood erect through so many hard hours, and now, all at once, I had sunk to the lowest form of begging. This one day had coarsened my whole mind, bespattered my soul with shamelessness. I had not been too abashed to stand and whine in the pettiest huckster's shop, and what had it availed me?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But was I not then without the veriest atom of bread to put inside my mouth? I had succeeded in rendering myself a thing loathsome to myself. Yes, yes; but it must come to an end. Presently they would lock the outer door at home? I must hurry unless I wished to lie in the guard-house again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This gave me strength. Lie in that cell again I would not. With body bent forward, and my hands pressed hard against my left ribs to deaden the stings a little, I struggled on, keeping my eyes fastened upon the paving-stones that I might not be forced to bow to possible acquaintances, and hastened to the fire look-out. God be praised! it was only seven o'clock by the dial on Our Saviour's; I had three hours yet before the door would be locked. What a fright I had been in!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, there was not a stone left unturned. I had done all I could. To think that I really could not succeed once in a whole day! If I told it no one could believe it; if I were to write it down they would say I had invented it. Not in a single place! Well, well, there is no help for it. Before all, don't go and get pathetic again. Bah! how disgusting! I can assure you, it makes me have a loathing for you. If all hope is over, why, there is an end of it. Couldn't I, for that matter, steal a handful of oats in the stable. A streak of light&#8212;a ray&#8212;yet I knew the stable was shut.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I took my ease, and crept home at a slow, snail's pace. I felt thirsty, luckily for the first time through the whole day, and I went and sought about for a place where I could get a drink. I was a long distance away from the bazaar, and I would not ask at a private house. Perhaps, though, I could wait till I got home; it would take a quarter of an hour. It was not at all so certain that I could keep down a draught of water, either; my stomach no longer suffered in any way&#8212;I even felt nausea at the spittle I swallowed. But the buttons! I had not tried the buttons at all yet. There I stood, stock-still, and commenced to smile. Maybe there was a remedy, in spite of all! I wasn't totally doomed. I should certainly get a penny for them; to-morrow I might raise another some place or other, and Thursday I might be paid for my newspaper article. I should just see it would come out all right. To think that I could really go and forget the buttons. I took them out of my pocket, and inspected them as I walked on again. My eyes grew dazed with joy. I did not see the street; I simply went on. Didn't I know exactly the big pawn-shop&#8212;my refuge in the dark evenings, with my blood-sucking friend? One by one my possessions had vanished there&#8212;my little things from home&#8212;my last book. I liked to go there on auction days, to look on, and rejoice each time my books seemed likely to fall into good hands. Magelsen, the actor, had my watch; I was almost proud of that. A diary, in which I had written my first small poetical attempt, had been bought by an acquaintance, and my topcoat had found a haven with a photographer, to be used in the studio. So there was no cause to grumble about any of them. I held my buttons ready in my hand; &#034;Uncle&#034; is sitting at his desk, writing. &#034;I am not in a hurry,&#034; I say, afraid of disturbing him, and making him impatient at my application. My voice sounded so curiously hollow I hardly recognised it again, and my heart beat like a sledge-hammer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He came smilingly over to me, as was his wont, laid both his hands flat on the counter, and looked at my face without saying anything. Yes, I had brought something of which I would ask him if he could make any use; something which is only in my way at home, assure you of it&#8212;are quite an annoyance&#8212;some buttons. Well, what then? what was there about the buttons? and he thrusts his eyes down close to my hand. Couldn't he give me a couple of halfpence for them?&#8212;whatever he thought himself&#8212;quite according to his own judgment. &#034;For the buttons?&#034;&#8212;and &#034;Uncle&#034; stares astonishedly at me&#8212;&#034;for these buttons?&#034; Only for a cigar or whatever he liked himself; I was just passing, and thought I would look in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Upon this, the old pawnbroker burst out laughing, and returned to his desk without saying a word. There I stood; I had not hoped for much, yet, all the same, I had thought of a possibility of being helped. This laughter was my death-warrant. It couldn't, I suppose, be of any use trying with my eye-glasses either? Of course, I would let my glasses go in with them; that was a matter of course, said I, and I took them off. Only a penny, or, if he wished, a halfpenny.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You know quite well I can't lend you anything on your glasses,&#034; said &#034;Uncle&#034;; &#034;I told you that once before.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But I want a stamp,&#034; I said, dully. &#034;I can't even send off the letters I have written; a penny or a halfpenny stamp, just as you will.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, God help you, go your way!&#034; he replied, and motioned me off with his hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, yes; well, it must be so, I said to myself. Mechanically I put on my glasses again, took the buttons in my hand, and, turning away, bade him good-night, and closed the door after me as usual. Well, now, there was nothing more to be done! To think he would not take them at any price, I muttered. They are almost new buttons; I can't understand it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Whilst I stood, lost in thought, a man passed by and entered the office. He had given me a little shove in his hurry. We both made excuses, and I turned round and looked after him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What! is that you?&#034; he said, suddenly, when half-way up the steps. He came back, and I recognised him. &#034;God bless me, man, what on earth do you look like? What were you doing in there?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, I had business. You are going in too, I see.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; what were you in with?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My knees trembled; I supported myself against the wall, and stretched out my hand with the buttons in it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What the deuce!&#034; he cried. &#034;No; this is really going too far.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-night!&#034; said I, and was about to go; I felt the tears choking my breast.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; wait a minute,&#034; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was I to wait for? Was he not himself on the road to my &#034;Uncle,&#034; bringing, perhaps, his engagement ring&#8212;had been hungry, perhaps, for several days&#8212;owed his landlady.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes,&#034; I replied; &#034;if you will be out soon. . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Of course,&#034; he broke in, seizing hold of my arm; &#034;but I may as well tell you I don't believe you. You are such an idiot, that it's better you come in along with me.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I understood what he meant, suddenly felt a little spark of pride, and answered:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I can't; I promised to be in Bernt Akers Street at half-past seven, and . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Half-past seven, quite so; but it's eight now. Here I am, standing with the watch in my hand that I'm going to pawn. So, in with you, you hungry sinner! I'll get you five shillings, anyhow,&#034; and he pushed me in.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTIII&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;A week passed in glory and gladness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had got over the worst this time, too. I had had food every day, and my courage rose, and I thrust one iron after the other into the fire.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was working at three or four articles, that plundered my poor brain of every spark, every thought that rose in it; and yet I fancied that I wrote with more facility than before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The last article with which I had raced about so much, and upon which I had built such hopes, had already been returned to me by the editor; and, angry and wounded as I was, I had destroyed it immediately, without even re-reading it again. In future, I would try another paper in order to open up more fields for my work.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Supposing that writing were to fail, and the worst were to come to the worst, I still had the ships to take to. The &lt;i&gt;Nun&lt;/i&gt; lay alongside the wharf, ready to sail, and I might, perhaps, work my way out to Archangel, or wherever else she might be bound; there was no lack of openings on many sides. The last crisis had dealt rather roughly with me. My hair fell out in masses, and I was much troubled with headaches, particularly in the morning, and my nervousness died a hard death. I sat and wrote during the day with my hands bound up in rags, simply because I could not endure the touch of my own breath upon them. If Jens Olaj banged the stable door underneath me, or if a dog came into the yard and commenced to bark, it thrilled through my very marrow like icy stabs piercing me from every side. I was pretty well played out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Day after day I strove at my work, begrudging myself the short time it took to swallow my food before I sat down again to write. At this time both the bed and the little rickety table were strewn over with notes and written pages, upon which I worked turn about, added any new ideas which might have occurred to me during the day, erased, or quickened here and there the dull points by a word full of colour&#8212;fagged, and toiled at sentence after sentence, with the greatest pains. One afternoon, one of my articles being at length finished, I thrust it, contented and happy, into my pocket, and betook myself to the &#034;commandor.&#034; It was high time I made some arrangement towards getting a little money again; I had only a few pence left.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The &#034;commandor&#034; requested me to sit down for a moment; he would be disengaged immediately, and he continued writing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I looked about the little office&#8212;busts, prints, cuttings, and an enormous paper-basket, that looked as if it might swallow a man, bones and all. I felt sad at heart at the sight of this monstrous chasm, this dragon's mouth, that always stood open, always ready to receive rejected work, newly crushed hopes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What day of the month is it?&#034; queried the &#034;commandor&#034; from the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;The 28th,&#034; I reply, pleased that I can be of service to him, &#034;the 28th,&#034; and he continues writing. At last he encloses a couple of letters in their envelopes, tosses some papers into the basket, and lays down his pen. Then he swings round on his chair, and looks at me. Observing that I am still standing near the door, he makes a half-serious, half-playful motion with his hand, and points to a chair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I turn aside, so that he may not see that I have no waistcoat on, when I open my coat to take the manuscript out of my pocket.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It is only a little character sketch of &lt;i&gt;Correggio&lt;/i&gt;,&#034; I say; &#034;but perhaps it is, worse luck, not written in such a way that . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He takes the papers out of my hand, and commences to go through them. His face is turned towards me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And so it is thus he looks at close quarters, this man, whose name I had already heard in my earliest youth, and whose paper had exercised the greatest influence upon me as the years advanced? His hair is curly, and his beautiful brown eyes are a little restless. He has a habit of tweaking his nose now and then. No Scotch minister could look milder than this truculent writer, whose pen always left bleeding scars wherever it attacked. A peculiar feeling of awe and admiration comes over me in the presence of this man. The tears are on the point of coming to my eyes, and I advanced a step to tell him how heartily I appreciated him, for all he had taught me, and to beg him not to hurt me; I was only a poor bungling wretch, who had had a sorry enough time of it as it was. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He looked up, and placed my manuscript slowly together, whilst he sat and considered. To make it easier for him to give me a refusal, I stretch out my hand a little, and say:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah, well, of course, it is not of any use to you,&#034; and I smile to give him the impression that I take it easily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Everything has to be of such a popular nature to be of any use to us,&#034; he replies; &#034;you know the kind of public we have. But can't you try and write something a little more commonplace, or hit upon something that people understand better?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His forbearance astonishes me. I understand that my article is rejected, and yet I could not have received a prettier refusal. Not to take up his time any longer, I reply:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh yes, I daresay I can.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I go towards the door. Hem&#8212;he must pray forgive me for having taken up his time with this . . . I bow, and turn the door handle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;If you need it,&#034; he says, &#034;you are welcome to draw a little in advance; you can write for it, you know.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now, as he had just seen that I was not capable of writing, this offer humiliated me somewhat, and I answered:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, thanks; I can pull through yet a while, thanking you very much, all the same. Good-day!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-day!&#034; replies the &#034;commandor,&#034; turning at the same time to his desk again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had none the less treated me with undeserved kindness, and I was grateful to him for it&#8212;and I would know how to appreciate it too. I made a resolution not to return to him until I could take something with me, that satisfied me perfectly; something that would astonish the &#034;commandor&#034; a bit, and make him order me to be paid half-a-sovereign without a moment's hesitation. I went home, and tackled my writing once more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
During the following evenings, as soon as it got near eight o'clock and the gas was lit, the following thing happened regularly to me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As I come out of my room to take a walk in the streets after the labour and troubles of the day, a lady, dressed in black, stands under the lamp-post exactly opposite my door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She turns her face towards me and follows me with her eyes when I pass her by&#8212;I remark that she always has the same dress on, always the same thick veil that conceals her face and falls over her breast, and that she carries in her hand a small umbrella with an ivory ring in the handle. This was already the third evening I had seen her there, always in the same place. As soon as I have passed her by she turns slowly and goes down the street away from me. My nervous brain vibrated with curiosity, and I became at once possessed by the unreasonable feeling that I was the object of her visit. At last I was almost on the point of addressing her, of asking her if she was looking for anyone, if she needed my assistance in any way, or if I might accompany her home. Badly dressed, as I unfortunately was, I might protect her through the dark streets; but I had an undefined fear that it perhaps might cost me something; a glass of wine, or a drive, and I had no money left at all. My distressingly empty pockets acted in a far too depressing way upon me, and I had not even the courage to scrutinise her sharply as I passed her by. Hunger had once more taken up its abode in my breast, and I had not tasted food since yesterday evening. This, 'tis true, was not a long period; I had often been able to hold out for a couple of days at a time, but latterly I had commenced to fall off seriously; I could not go hungry one quarter as well as I used to do. A single day made me feel dazed, and I suffered from perpetual retching the moment I tasted water. Added to this was the fact that I lay and shivered all night, lay fully dressed as I stood and walked in the daytime, lay blue with the cold, lay and froze every night with fits of icy shivering, and grew stiff during my sleep. The old blanket could not keep out the draughts, and I woke in the mornings with my nose stopped by the sharp outside frosty air which forced its way into the dilapidated room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I go down the street and think over what I am to do to keep myself alive until I get my next article finished. If I only had a candle I would try to fag on through the night; it would only take a couple of hours if I once warmed to my work, and then tomorrow I could call on the &#034;commandor.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I go without further ado into the Opland Caf&#233; and look for my young acquaintance in the bank, in order to procure a penny for a candle. I passed unhindered through all the rooms; I passed a dozen tables at which men sat chatting, eating, and drinking; I passed into the back of the caf&#233;, ay, even into the red alcove, without succeeding in finding my man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Crestfallen and annoyed I dragged myself out again into the street and took the direction to the Palace.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Wasn't it now the very hottest eternal devil existing to think that my hardships never would come to an end! Taking long, furious strides, with the collar of my coat hunched savagely up round my ears, and my hands thrust in my breeches pockets, I strode along, cursing my unlucky stars the whole way. Not one real untroubled hour in seven or eight months, not the common food necessary to hold body and soul together for the space of one short week, before want stared me in the face again. Here I had, into the bargain gone and kept straight and honourable all through my misery&#8212;Ha, ha! straight and honourable to the heart's core. God preserve me, what a fool I had been! And I commenced to tell myself how I had even gone about conscience-stricken because I had once brought Hans Pauli's blanket to the pawnbroker's. I laughed sarcastically at my delicate rectitude, spat contemptuously in the street, and could not find words half strong enough to mock myself for my stupidity. Let it only happen now! Were I to find at this moment a schoolgirl's savings or a poor widow's only penny, I would snatch it up and pocket it; steal it deliberately, and sleep the whole night through like a top. I had not suffered so unspeakably much for nothing&#8212;my patience was gone&#8212;I was prepared to do anything.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I walked round the palace three, perhaps four, times, then came to the conclusion that I would go home, took yet one little turn in the park and went back down Carl Johann. It was now about eleven. The streets were fairly dark, and people roamed about in all directions, quiet pairs and noisy groups mixed with one another. The great hour had commenced, the pairing time when the mystic traffic is in full swing&#8212;and the hour of merry adventures sets in. Rustling petticoats, one or two still short, sensual laughter, heaving bosoms, passionate, panting breaths, and far down near the Grand Hotel a voice calling &#034;Emma!&#034; The whole street was a swamp, from which hot vapours exuded.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I feel involuntarily in my pockets for a few shillings. The passion that thrills through the movements of every one of the passers-by, the dim light of the gas lamps, the quiet pregnant night, all commence to affect me&#8212;this air, that is laden with whispers, embraces, trembling admissions, concessions, half-uttered words and suppressed cries. A number of cats are declaring their love with loud yells in Blomquist's doorway. And I did not possess even a florin! It was a misery, a wretchedness without parallel to be so impoverished. What humiliation, too; what disgrace! I began again to think about the poor widow's last mite, that I would have stolen a schoolboy's cap or handkerchief, or a beggar's wallet, that I would have brought to a rag-dealer without more ado, and caroused with the proceeds.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In order to console myself&#8212;to indemnify myself in some measure&#8212;I take to picking all possible faults in the people who glide by. I shrug my shoulders contemptuously, and look slightingly at them according as they pass. These easily-pleased, confectionery-eating students, who fancy they are sowing their wild oats in truly Continental style if they tickle a sempstress under the ribs! These young bucks, bank clerks, merchants, fl&#226;neurs&#8212;who would not disdain a sailor's wife; blowsy Molls, ready to fall down in the first doorway for a glass of beer! What sirens! The place at their side still warm from the last night's embrace of a watchman or a stable-boy! The throne always vacant, always open to newcomers! Pray, mount!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I spat far out over the pavement, without troubling if it hit anyone. I felt enraged; filled with contempt for these people who scraped acquaintanceship with one another, and paired off right before my eyes. I lifted my head, and felt in myself the blessing of being able to keep my own sty clean. At Stortingsplads (Parliament Place) I met a girl who looked fixedly at me as I came close to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-night!&#034; said I.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-night!&#034; She stopped.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hum! was she out walking so late? Did not a young lady run rather a risk in being in Carl Johann at this time of night? Really not? Yes; but was she never spoken to, molested, I meant; to speak plainly, asked to go along home with anyone?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She stared at me with astonishment, scanned my face closely, to see what I really meant by this, then thrust her hand suddenly under my arm, and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, and we went too!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I walked on with her. But when we had gone a few paces past the car-stand I came to a standstill, freed my arm, and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Listen, my dear, I don't own a farthing!&#034; and with that I went on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At first she would not believe me; but after she had searched all my pockets, and found nothing, she got vexed, tossed her head, and called me a dry cod.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-night!&#034; said I.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Wait a minute,&#034; she called;&#034; are those eye-glasses that you've got gold?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Then go to blazes with you!&#034; and I went.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A few seconds after she came running behind me, and called out to me:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You can come with me all the same!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I felt humiliated by this offer from an unfortunate street wench, and I said &#034;No.&#034; Besides, it was growing late at night, and I was due at a place. Neither could she afford to make sacrifices of that kind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; but now I will have you come with me.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But I won't go with you in this way.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, naturally; you are going with some one else.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No,&#034; I answered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But I was conscious that I stood in a sorry plight in face of this unique street jade, and I made up my mind to save appearances at least.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What is your name?&#034; I inquired. &#034;Mary, eh? Well, listen to me now, Mary!&#034; and I set about explaining my behaviour. The girl grew more and more astonished in measure as I proceeded. Had she then believed that I, too, was one of those who went about the street at night and ran after little girls? Did she really think so badly of me? Had I perhaps said anything rude to her from the beginning? Did one behave as I had done when one was actuated by any bad motive? Briefly, in so many words, I had accosted her, and accompanied her those few paces, to see how far she would go on with it. For the rest, my name was So-and-so&#8212;Pastor So-and-so. &#034;Goodnight; depart, and sin no more!&#034; With these words I left her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I rubbed my hands with delight over my happy notion, and soliloquised aloud, &#034;What a joy there is in going about doing good actions.&#034; Perhaps I had given this fallen creature an upward impulse for her whole life; saved her, once for all, from destruction, and she would appreciate it when she came to think over it; remember me yet in her hour of death with thankful heart. Ah! in truth, it paid to be honourable, upright, and righteous!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My spirits were effervescing. I felt fresh and courageous enough to face anything that might turn up. If I only had a candle, I might perhaps complete my article. I walked on, jingling my new door-key in my hand; hummed, and whistled, and speculated as to means of procuring a candle. There was no other way out of it. I would have to take my writing materials with me into the street, under a lamp-post. I opened the door, and went up to get my papers. When I descended once more I locked the door from the outside, and planted myself under the light. All around was quiet; I heard only the heavy clanking footstep of a constable down in T&#230;rgade, and far away in the direction of St Han's Hill a dog barked. There was nothing to disturb me. I pulled my coat collar up round my ears, and commenced to think with all my might.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It would be such an extraordinary help to me if I were lucky enough to find a suitable winding up for this little essay. I had stuck just at a rather difficult point in it, where there ought to be a quite imperceptible transition to something fresh, then a subdued gliding finale, a prolonged murmur, ending at last in a climax as bold and as startling as a shot, or the sound of a mountain avalanche&#8212;full stop. But the words would not come to me. I read over the whole piece from the commencement; read every sentence aloud, and yet failed absolutely to crystallise my thoughts, in order to produce this scintillating climax. And into the bargain, whilst I was standing labouring away at this, the constable came and, planting himself a little distance away from me, spoilt my whole mood. Now, what concern was it of his if I stood and strove for a striking climax to an article for the &lt;i&gt;Commandor&lt;/i&gt;? Lord, how utterly impossible it was for me to keep my head above water, no matter how much I tried! I stayed there for the space of an hour. The constable went his way. The cold began to get too intense for me to keep still. Disheartened and despondent over this abortive effort, I opened the door again, and went up to my room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was cold up there, and I could barely see my window for the intense darkness. I felt my way towards the bed, pulled off my shoes, and set about warming my feet between my hands. Then I lay down, as I had done for a long time now, with all my clothes on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The following morning I sat up in bed as soon as it got light, and set to work at the essay once more. I sat thus till noon; I had succeeded by then in getting ten, perhaps twenty, lines down, and still I had not found an ending.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I rose, put on my shoes, and began to walk up and down the floor to try and warm myself. I looked out; there was rime on the window; it was snowing. Down in the yard a thick layer of snow covered the paving-stones and the top of the pump. I bustled about the room, took aimless turns to and fro, scratched the wall with my nail, leant my head carefully against the door for a while, tapped with my forefinger on the floor, and then listened attentively, all without any object, but quietly and pensively as if it were some matter of importance in which I was engaged; and all the while I murmured aloud, time upon time, so that I could hear my own voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But, great God, surely this is madness! and yet I kept on just as before. After a long time, perhaps a couple of hours, I pulled myself sharply together, bit my lips, and manned myself as well as I could. There must be an end to this! I found a splinter to chew, and set myself resolutely to write again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A couple of short sentences formed themselves with much trouble, a score of poor words which I tortured forth with might and main to try and advance a little. Then I stopped, my head was barren; I was incapable of more. And, as I could positively not go on, I set myself to gaze with wide open eyes at these last words, this unfinished sheet of paper; I stared at these strange, shaky letters that bristled up from the paper like small hairy creeping things, till at last I could neither make head nor tail of any of it. I thought on nothing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Time went; I heard the traffic in the street, the rattle of cars and tramp of hoofs. Jens Olaj's voice ascended towards me from the stables as he chid the horses. I was perfectly stunned. I sat and moistened my lips a little, but otherwise made no effort to do anything: my chest was in a pitiful state. The dusk closed in; I sank more and more together, grew weary, and lay down on the bed again. In order to warm my fingers a little I stroked them through my hair backwards and forwards and crosswise. Small loose tufts came away, flakes that got between my fingers, and scattered over the pillow. I did not think anything about it just then; it was as if it did not concern me. I had hair enough left, anyway. I tried afresh to shake myself out of this strange daze that enveloped my whole being like a mist. I sat up, struck my knees with my flat hands, laughed as hard as my sore chest permitted me&#8212;only to collapse again. Nought availed; I was dying helplessly, with my eyes wide open&#8212;staring straight up at the roof. At length I stuck my forefinger in my mouth, and took to sucking it. Something stirred in my brain, a thought that bored its way in there&#8212;a stark-mad notion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Supposing I were to take a bite? And without a moment's reflection, I shut my eyes, and clenched my teeth on it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sprang up. At last I was thoroughly awake. A little blood trickled from it, and I licked it as it came. It didn't hurt very much, neither was the wound large, but I was brought at one bound to my senses. I shook my head, went to the window, where I found a rag, and wound it round the sore place. As I stood and busied myself with this, my eyes filled with tears; I cried softly to myself. This poor thin finger looked so utterly pitiable. God in Heaven! what a pass it had come to now with me! The gloom grew closer. It was, maybe, not impossible that I might work up my finale through the course of the evening, if I only had a candle. My head was clear once more. Thoughts came and went as usual, and I did not suffer particularly; I did not even feel hunger so badly as some hours previously. I could hold out well till the next day. Perhaps I might be able to get a candle on credit, if I applied to the provision shop and explained my situation&#8212;I was so well known in there; in the good old days, when I had the means to do it, I used to buy many a loaf there. There was no doubt I could raise a candle on the strength of my honest name; and for the first time for ages I took to brushing my clothes a little, got rid as well as the darkness allowed me of the loose hairs on my collar, and felt my way down the stairs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When I got outside in the street it occurred to me that I might perhaps rather ask for a loaf. I grew irresolute, and stopped to consider. &#034;On no account,&#034; I replied to myself at last; I was unfortunately not in a condition to bear food. It would only be a repetition of the same old story&#8212;visions, and presentiments, and mad notions. My article would never get finished, and it was a question of going to the &#034;Commandor&#034; before he had time to forget me. On no account whatever! and I decided upon the candle. With that I entered the shop.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A woman is standing at the counter making purchases; several small parcels in different sorts of paper are lying in front of her. The shopman, who knows me, and knows what I usually buy, leaves the woman, and packs without much ado a loaf in a piece of paper and shoves it over to me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, thank you, it was really a candle I wanted this evening,&#034; I say. I say it very quietly and humbly, in order not to vex him and spoil my chance of getting what I want.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My answer confuses him; he turns quite cross at my unexpected words; it was the first time I had ever demanded anything but a loaf from him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well then, you must wait a while,&#034; he says at last, and busies himself with the woman's parcels again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She receives her wares and pays for them&#8212;gives him a florin, out of which she gets the change, and goes out. Now the shop-boy and I are alone. He says:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;So it was a candle you wanted, eh!&#034; He tears open a package, and takes one out for me. He looks at me, and I look at him; I can't get my request over my lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh yes, that's true; you paid, though!&#034; he says suddenly. He simply asserts that I had paid. I heard every word, and he begins to count some silver out of the till, coin after coin, shining stout pieces. He gives me back change for a crown.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Much obliged,&#034; he says. Now I stand and look at these pieces of money for a second. I am conscious something is wrong somewhere. I do not reflect; do not think about anything at all&#8212;I am simply struck of a heap by all this wealth which is lying glittering before my eyes&#8212;and I gather up the money mechanically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stand outside the counter, stupid with amazement, dumb, paralysed. I take a stride towards the door, and stop again. I turn my eyes upon a certain spot in the wall, where a little bell is suspended to a leather collar, and underneath this a bundle of string, and I stand and stare at these things.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The shop-boy is struck by the idea that I want to have a chat as I take my time so leisurely, and says, as he tidies a lot of wrapping-papers strewn over the counter:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It looks as if we were going to have winter now!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Humph! Yes,&#034; I reply; &#034;it looks as if we were going to have winter in earnest now; it looks like it,&#034; and a while after, I add: &#034;Ah, well, it is none too soon.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I could hear myself speak, but each word I uttered struck my ear as if it were coming from another person. I spoke absolutely unwittingly, involuntarily, without being conscious of myself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, do you think so?&#034; says the boy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I thrust the hand with the money into my pocket, turned the door-handle, and left. I could hear that I said good-night, and that the shop-boy replied to me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had gone a few paces away from the shop when the shop-door was torn open, and the boy called after me. I turned round without any astonishment, without a trace of fear; I only collected the money into my hand, and prepared to give it back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Beg pardon, you've forgotten your candle,&#034; says the boy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah, thanks,&#034; I answer quietly. &#034;Thanks, thanks&#034;; and I strolled on, down the street, bearing it in my hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My first sensible thought referred to the money. I went over to a lamp-post, counted it, weighed it in my hand, and smiled. So, in spite of all, I was helped&#8212;extraordinarily, grandly, incredibly helped&#8212;helped for a long, long time; and I thrust my hand with the money into my pocket, and walked on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Outside an eating-house in Grand Street I stopped, and turned over in my mind, calmly and quietly, if I should venture so soon to take a little refreshment. I could hear the rattle of knives and plates inside, and the sound of meat being pounded. The temptation was too strong for me&#8212;I entered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;A helping of beef,&#034; I say.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;One beef!&#034; calls the waitress down through the door of the lift.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sat down by myself at a little table next to the door, and prepared to wait. It was somewhat dark where I was sitting, and I felt tolerably well concealed, and set myself to have a serious think. Every now and then the waitress glanced over at me inquiringly. My first downright dishonesty was accomplished&#8212;my first theft. Compared to this, all my earlier escapades were as nothing&#8212;my first great fall. . . . Well and good! There was no help for it. For that matter, it was open to me to settle it with the shopkeeper later on, on a more opportune occasion. It need not go any farther with me. Besides that, I had not taken upon myself to live more honourably than all the other folk; there was no contract that . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Do you think that beef will soon be here?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; immediately&#034;; the waitress opens the trap-door, and looks down into the kitchen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But suppose the affair did crop up some day? If the shop-boy were to get suspicious and begin to think over the transaction about the bread, and the florin of which the woman got the change? It was not impossible that he would discover it some day, perhaps the next time I went there. Well, then, Lord! . . . I shrugged my shoulders unobserved.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;If you please,&#034; says the waitress, kindly, placing the beef on the table, &#034;wouldn't you rather go to another compartment, it's so dark here?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, thanks; just let me be here,&#034; I reply; her kindliness touches me at once. I pay for the beef on the spot, put whatever change remains into her hand, close her fingers over it. She smiles, and I say in fun, with the tears near my ears, &#034;There, you're to have the balance to buy yourself a farm. . . . Ah, you're very welcome to it.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I commenced to eat, got more and more greedy as I did so, swallowed whole pieces without chewing them, enjoyed myself in an animal-like way at every mouthful, and tore at the meat like a cannibal.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The waitress came over to me again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Will you have anything to drink?&#034; she asks, bending down a little towards me. I looked at her. She spoke very low, almost shyly, and dropped her eyes. &#034;I mean a glass of ale, or whatever you like best . . . from me . . . without . . . that is, if you will . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; many thanks,&#034; I answer. &#034;Not now; I shall come back another time.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She drew back, and sat down at the desk. I could only see her head. What a singular creature!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When finished, I made at once for the door. I felt nausea already. The waitress got up. I was afraid to go near the light&#8212;afraid to show myself too plainly to the young girl, who never for a moment suspected the depth of my misery; so I wished her a hasty goodnight, bowed to her, and left.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The food commenced to take effect. I suffered much from it, and could not keep it down for any length of time. I had to empty my mouth a little at every dark corner I came to. I struggled to master this nausea which threatened to hollow me out anew, clenched my hands, and tried to fight it down; stamped on the pavement, and gulped down furiously whatever sought to come up. All in vain. I sprang at last into a doorway, doubled up, head foremost, blinded with the water which gushed from my eyes, and vomited once more. I was seized with bitterness, and wept as I went along the street. . . . I cursed the cruel powers, whoever they might be, that persecuted me so, consigned them to hell's damnation and eternal torments for their petty persecution. There was but little chivalry in fate, really little enough chivalry; one was forced to admit that.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I went over to a man staring into a shop-window, and asked him in great haste what, according to his opinion, should one give a man who had been starving for a long time. It was a matter of life and death, I said; he couldn't even keep beef down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I have heard say that milk is a good thing&#8212;hot milk,&#034; answered the man, astonished. &#034;Who is it, by the way, you are asking for?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Thanks, thanks,&#034; I say; &#034;that idea of hot milk might not be half a bad notion&#034;; and I go.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I entered the first caf&#233; I came to going along, and asked for some boiled milk. I got the milk, drank it down, hot as it was, swallowed it greedily, every drop, paid for it, and went out again. I took the road home.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now something singular happened. Outside my door, leaning against the lamp-post, and right under the glare of it, stands a person of whom I get a glimpse from a long distance&#8212;it is the lady dressed in black again. The same black-clad lady of the other evenings. There could be no mistake about it; she had turned up at the same spot for the fourth time. She is standing perfectly motionless. I find this so peculiar that I involuntarily slacken my pace. At this moment my thoughts are in good working order, but I am much excited; my nerves are irritated by my last meal. I pass her by as usual; am almost at the door and on the point of entering. There I stop. All of a sudden an inspiration seizes me. Without rendering myself any account of it, I turn round and go straight up to the lady, look her in the face, and bow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-evening.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-evening,&#034; she answers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Excuse me, was she looking for anything? I had noticed her before; could I be of assistance to her in any way? begged pardon, by-the-way, so earnestly for inquiring.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes; she didn't quite know. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No one lived inside that door besides three or four horses and myself; it was, for that matter, only a stable and a tinker's workshop. . . . She was certainly on a wrong track if she was seeking anyone there.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At this she turns her head away, and says: &#034;I am not seeking for anybody. I am only standing here; it was really only a whim. I&#034; . . . she stops.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Indeed, really, she only stood there, just stood there, evening after evening, just for a whim's sake!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That was a little odd. I stood and pondered over it, and it perplexed me more and more. I made up my mind to be daring; I jingled my money in my pocket, and asked her, without further ado, to come and have a glass of wine some place or another . . . in consideration that winter had come, ha, ha! . . . it needn't take very long . . . but perhaps she would scarcely. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ah, no, thanks; she couldn't well do that. No! she couldn't do that; but would I be so kind as to accompany her a little way? She . . . it was rather dark to go home now, and she was rather nervous about going up Carl Johann after it got so late.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We moved on; she walked at my right side. A strange, beautiful feeling empowered me; the certainty of being near a young girl. I looked at her the whole way along. The scent of her hair; the warmth that irradiated from her body; the perfume of woman that accompanied her; the sweet breath every time she turned her face towards me&#8212;everything penetrated in an ungovernable way through all my senses. So far, I just caught a glimpse of a full, rather pale, face behind the veil, and a high bosom that curved out against her cape. The thought of all the hidden beauty which I surmised lay sheltered under the cloak and veil bewildered me, making me idiotically happy without any reasonable grounds. I could not endure it any longer; I touched her with my hand, passed my fingers over her shoulder, and smiled imbecilely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;How queer you are,&#034; said I.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Am I, really; in what way?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, in the first place, simply, she had a habit of standing outside a stable door, evening after evening, without any object whatever, just for a whim's sake. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Oh, well, she might have her reason for doing so; besides, she liked staying up late at night; it was a thing she had always had a great fancy for. Did I care about going to bed before twelve?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I? If there was anything in the world I hated it was to go to bed before twelve o'clock at night.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ah, there, you see! She, too, was just the same; she took this little tour in the evenings when she had nothing to lose by doing so. She lived up in St Olav's Place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ylajali,&#034; I cried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I beg pardon?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I only said 'Ylajali' . . . it's all right. Continue . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She lived up in St Olav's Place, lonely enough, together with her mother, to whom one couldn't talk because she was so deaf. Was there anything odd in her liking to get out for a little?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, not at all,&#034; I replied.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No? well, what then?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I could hear by her voice that she was smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hadn't she a sister?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes; an older sister. But, by-the-way, how did I know that? She had gone to Hamburg.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Lately?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; five weeks ago.&#034; From where did I learn that she had a sister?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I didn't learn it at all; I only asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We kept silence. A man passes us, with a pair of shoes under his arm; otherwise, the street is empty as far as we can see. Over at the Tivoli a long row of coloured lamps are burning. It no longer snows; the sky is clear.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Gracious! don't you freeze without an overcoat?&#034; inquires the lady, suddenly looking at me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Should I tell her why I had no overcoat; make my sorry condition known at once, and frighten her away? As well first as last. Still, it was delightful to walk here at her side and keep her in ignorance yet a while longer. So I lied. I answered:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, not at all&#034;; and, in order to change the subject, I asked, &#034;Have you seen the menagerie in the Tivoli?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No,&#034; she answered; &#034;is there really anything to see?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suppose she were to take it into her head to wish to go there? Into that blaze of light, with the crowd of people. Why, she would be filled with shame; I would drive her out again, with my shabby clothes, and lean face; perhaps she might even notice that I had no waistcoat on. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah, no; there is sure to be nothing worth seeing!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And a lot of happy ideas occurred to me, of which I at once made use; a few sparse words, fragments left in my dessicated brain. What could one expect from such a small menagerie? On the whole, it did not interest me in the least to see animals in cages. These animals know that one is standing staring at them; they feel hundreds of inquisitive looks upon them; are conscious of them. No; I would prefer to see animals that didn't know one observed them; shy creatures that nestle in their lair, and lie with sluggish green eyes, and lick their claws, and muse, eh?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes; I was certainly right in that.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was only animals in all their peculiar fearfulness and peculiar savagery that possessed a charm. The soundless, stealthy tread in the total darkness of night; the hidden monsters of the woods; the shrieks of a bird flying past; the wind, the smell of blood, the rumbling in space; in short, the reigning spirit of the kingdom of savage creatures hovering over savagery . . . the unconscious poetry! . . . But I was afraid this bored her. The consciousness of my great poverty seized me anew, and crushed me. If I had only been in any way well-enough dressed to have given her the pleasure of this little tour in the Tivoli! I could not make out this creature, who could find pleasure in letting herself be accompanied up the whole of Carl Johann Street by a half-naked beggar. What, in the name of God, was she thinking of? And why was I walking there, giving myself airs, and smiling idiotically at nothing? Had I any reasonable cause, either, for letting myself be worried into a long walk by this dainty, silken-clad bird? Mayhap it did not cost me an effort? Did I not feel the ice of death go right into my heart at even the gentlest puff of wind that blew against us? Was not madness running riot in my brain, just for lack of food for many months at a stretch? Yet she hindered me from going home to get even a little milk into my parched mouth; a spoonful of sweet milk, that I might perhaps be able to keep down. Why didn't she turn her back on me, and let me go to the deuce? . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I became distracted; my despair reduced me to the last extremity. I said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Considering all things, you ought not to walk with me. I disgrace you right under everyone's eyes, if only with my clothes. Yes, it is positively true; I mean it.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She starts, looks up quickly at me, and is silent; then she exclaims suddenly:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Indeed, though!&#034; More she doesn't say.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What do you mean by that?&#034; I queried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ugh, no; you make me feel ashamed. . . . We have not got very far now&#034;; and she walked on a little faster.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We turned up University Street, and could already see the lights in St Olav's Place. Then she commenced to walk slowly again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I have no wish to be indiscreet,&#034; I say; &#034;but won't you tell me your name before we part? and won't you, just for one second, lift up your veil so that I can see you? I would be really so grateful.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A pause. I walked on in expectation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You have seen me before,&#034; she replies.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ylajali,&#034; I say again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Beg pardon. You followed me once for half-a-day, almost right home. Were you tipsy that time?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I could hear again that she smiled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes,&#034; I said. &#034;Yes, worse luck, I was tipsy that time.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;That was horrid of you!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And I admitted contritely that it was horrid of me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We reached the fountains; we stop and look up at the many lighted windows of No. 2.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Now, you mustn't come any farther with me,&#034; she says. &#034;Thank you for coming so far.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I bowed; I daren't say anything; I took off my hat and stood bareheaded. I wonder if she will give me her hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Why don't you ask me to go back a little way with you?&#034; she asks, in a low voice, looking down at the toe of her shoe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Great Heavens!&#034; I reply, beside myself, &#034;Great Heavens, if you only would!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; but only a little way.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And we turned round.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was fearfully confused. I absolutely did not know if I were on my head or my heels. This creature upset all my chain of reasoning; turned it topsy-turvy. I was bewitched and extraordinarily happy. It seemed to me as if I were being dragged enchantingly to destruction. She had expressly willed to go back; it wasn't my notion, it was her own desire. I walk on and look at her, and get more and more bold. She encourages me, draws me to her by each word she speaks. I forget for a moment my poverty, my humble position, my whole miserable condition. I feel my blood course madly through my whole body, as in the old days before I caved in, and resolved to feel my way by a little ruse.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;By-the-way, it wasn't you I followed that time,&#034; said I. &#034;It was your sister.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Was it my sister?&#034; she questions, in the highest degree amazed. She stands still, looks up at me, and positively waits for an answer. She puts the question in all sober earnest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes,&#034; I replied. &#034;Hum&#8212;m, that is to say, it was the younger of the two ladies who went on in front of me.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;The youngest, eh? eh? a-a-ha!&#034; she laughed out all at once, loudly, heartily, like a child. &#034;Oh, how sly you are; you only said that just to get me to raise my veil, didn't you? Ah, I thought so; but you may just wait till you are blue first . . . just for punishment.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We began to laugh and jest; we talked incessantly all the time. I do not know what I said, I was so happy. She told me that she had seen me once before, a long time ago, in the theatre. I had then comrades with me, and I behaved like a madman; I must certainly have been tipsy that time too, more's the shame.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Why did she think that?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Oh, I had laughed so.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Really, a-ah yes; I used to laugh a lot in those days.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But now not any more?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh yes; now too. It is a splendid thing to exist sometimes.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We reached Carl Johann. She said: &#034;Now we won't go any farther,&#034; and we returned through University Street. When we arrived at the fountain once more I slackened my pace a little; I knew that I could not go any farther with her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, now you must turn back here,&#034; she said, and stopped.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, I suppose I must.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But a second after she thought I might as well go as far as the door with her. Gracious me, there couldn't be anything wrong in that, could there?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No,&#034; I replied.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But when we were standing at the door all my misery confronted me clearly. How was one to keep up one's courage when one was so broken down? Here I stood before a young lady, dirty, ragged, torn, disfigured by hunger, unwashed, and only half-clad; it was enough to make one sink into the earth. I shrank into myself, bent my head involuntarily, and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;May I not meet you any more then?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had no hope of being permitted to see her again. I almost wished for a sharp No, that would pull me together a bit and render me callous.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes,&#034; she whispered softly, almost inaudibly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;When?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I don't know.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A pause. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Won't you be so kind as to lift your veil, only just for a minute,&#034; I asked. &#034;So that I can see whom I have been talking to. Just for one moment, for indeed I must see whom I have been talking to.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Another pause. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You can meet me outside here on Tuesday evening,&#034; she said. &#034;Will you?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, dear lady, if I have permission to.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;At eight o'clock.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Very well.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stroked down her cloak with my hand, merely to have an excuse for touching her. It was a delight to me to be so near her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;And you mustn't think all too badly of me,&#034; she added; she was smiling again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly she made a resolute movement and drew her veil up over her forehead; we stood and gazed at one another for a second.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ylajali!&#034; I cried. She stretched herself up, flung her arms round my neck and kissed me right on the mouth&#8212;only once, swiftly, bewilderingly swiftly, right on the mouth. I could feel how her bosom heaved; she was breathing violently. She wrenched herself suddenly out of my clasp, called a good-night, breathlessly, whisperingly, and turned and ran up the stairs without a word more. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The hall door shut.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It snowed still more the next day, a heavy snow mingled with rain; great wet flakes that fell to earth and were turned to mud. The air was raw and icy. I woke somewhat late, with my head in a strange state of confusion, my heart intoxicated from the foregone evening by the agitation of that delightful meeting. In my rapture (I had lain a while awake and fancied Ylajali at my side) I spread out my arms and embraced myself and kissed the air. At length I dragged myself out of bed and procured a fresh cup of milk, and straight on top of that a plate of beef. I was no longer hungry, but my nerves were in a highly-strung condition.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I went off to the clothes-shop in the bazaar. It occurred to me that I might pick up a second-hand waistcoat cheaply, something to put on under my coat; it didn't matter what.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I went up the steps to the bazaar and took hold of one and began to examine it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
While I was thus engaged an acquaintance came by, he nodded and called up to me. I let the waistcoat hang and went down to him. He was a designer, and was on the way to his office.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Come with me and have a glass of beer,&#034; he said. &#034;But hurry up, I haven't much time. . . . What lady was that you were walking with yesterday evening?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Listen here now,&#034; said I, jealous of his bare thought. &#034;Supposing it was my &lt;i&gt;fianc&#233;e&lt;/i&gt;.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;By Jove!&#034; he exclaimed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; it was all settled yesterday evening.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This nonplussed him completely. He believed me implicitly. I lied in the most accomplished manner to get rid of him. We ordered the beer, drank it, and left.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, good-bye! Oh, listen,&#034; he said suddenly. &#034;I owe you a few shillings. It is a shame, too, that I haven't paid you long ago, but now you shall have them during the next few days.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, thanks,&#034; I replied; but I knew that he would never pay me back the few shillings. The beer, I am sorry to say, went almost immediately to my head. The thought of the previous evening's adventure overwhelmed me&#8212;made me delirious. Supposing she were not to meet me on Tuesday! Supposing she were to begin to think things over, to get suspicious . . . get suspicious of what? . . . My thoughts gave a jerk and dwelt upon the money. I grew afraid; deadly afraid of myself. The theft rushed in upon me in all its details. I saw the little shop, the counter, my lean hands as I seized the money, and I pictured to myself the line of action the police would adopt when they would come to arrest me. Irons on my hands and feet; no, only on my hands; perhaps only on one hand. The dock, the clerk taking down the evidence, the scratch of his pen&#8212;perhaps he might take a new one for the occasion&#8212;his look, his threatening look. There, Herr Tangen, to the cell, the eternally dark . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Humph! I clenched my hands tightly to try and summon courage, walked faster and faster, and came to the market-place. There I sat down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now, no child's play. How in the wide world could anyone prove that I had stolen? Besides, the huckster's boy dare not give an alarm, even if it should occur to him some day how it had all happened. He valued his situation far too dearly for that. No noise, no scenes, may I beg!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But all the same, this money weighed in my pocket sinfully, and gave me no peace. I began to question myself, and I became clearly convinced that I had been happier before, during the period in which I had suffered in all honour. And Ylajali? Had I, too, not polluted her with the touch of my sinful hands? Lord, O Lord my God, Ylajali! I felt as drunk as a bat, jumped up suddenly, and went straight over to the cake woman who was sitting near the chemist's under the sign of the elephant. I might even yet lift myself above dishonour; it was far from being too late; I would show the whole world that I was capable of doing so.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the way over I got the money in readiness, held every farthing of it in my hand, bent down over the old woman's table as if I wanted something, and clapped the money without further ado into her hands. I spoke not a word, turned on my heel, and went my way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What a wonderful savour there was in feeling oneself an honest man once more! My empty pockets troubled me no longer; it was simply a delightful feeling to me to be cleaned out. When I weighed the whole matter thoroughly, this money had in reality cost me much secret anguish; I had really thought about it with dread and shuddering time upon time. I was no hardened soul; my honourable nature rebelled against such a low action. God be praised, I had raised myself in my own estimation again! &#034;Do as I have done!&#034; I said to myself, looking across the thronged market-place&#8212;&#034;only just do as I have done!&#034; I had gladdened a poor old cake vendor to such good purpose that she was perfectly dumfounded. To-night her children wouldn't go hungry to bed. . . . I buoyed myself up with these reflections and considered that I had behaved in a most exemplary manner. God be praised! The money was out of my hands now!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tipsy and nervous, I wandered down the street, and swelled with satisfaction. The joy of being able to meet Ylajali cleanly and honourably, and of feeling I could look her in the face, ran away with me. I was not conscious of any pain. My head was clear and buoyant; it was as if it were a head of mere light that rested and gleamed on my shoulders. I felt inclined to play the wildest pranks, to do something astounding, to set the whole town in a ferment. All up through Graendsen I conducted myself like a madman. There was a buzzing in my ears, and intoxication ran riot in my brains. The whim seized me to go and tell my age to a commissionaire, who, by-the-way, had not addressed a word to me; to take hold of his hands, and gaze impressively in his face, and leave him again, without any explanation. I distinguished every nuance in the voice and laughter of the passers-by, observed some little birds that hopped before me in the street, took to studying the expression of the paving-stones, and discovered all sorts of tokens and signs in them. Thus occupied, I arrive at length at Parliament Place. I stand all at once stock-still, and look at the droskes; the drivers are wandering about, chatting and laughing. The horses hang their heads and cower in the bitter weather. &#034;Go ahead!&#034; I say, giving myself a dig with my elbow. I went hurriedly over to the first vehicle, and got in. &#034;Ullevoldsveien, No. 37,&#034; I called out, and we rolled off.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the way the driver looked round, stooped and peeped several times into the trap, where I sat, sheltered underneath the hood. Had he, too, grown suspicious? There was no doubt of it; my miserable attire had attracted his attention.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I want to meet a man,&#034; I called to him, in order to be beforehand with him, and I explained gravely that I must really meet this man. We stop outside 37, and I jump out, spring up the stairs right to the third storey, seize a bell, and pull it. It gives six or seven fearful peals inside.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A maid comes out and opens the door. I notice that she has round, gold drops in her ears, and black stuff buttons on her grey bodice. She looks at me with a frightened air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I inquire for Kierulf&#8212;Joachim Kierulf, if I might add further&#8212;a wool-dealer; in short, not a man one could make a mistake about. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The girl shook her head. &#034;No Kierulf lives here,&#034; said she.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She stared at me, and held the door ready to close it. She made no effort to find the man for me. She really looked as if she knew the person I inquired for, if she would only take the trouble to reflect a bit. The lazy jade! I got vexed, turned my back on her, and ran downstairs again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;He wasn't there,&#034; I called to the driver.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Wasn't he there?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No. Drive to Tomtegaden, No. 11.&#034; I was in a state of the most violent excitement, and imparted something of the same feeling to the driver. He evidently thought it was a matter of life and death, and he drove on, without further ado. He whipped up the horse sharply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What's the man's name?&#034; he inquired, turning round on the box.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Kierulf, a dealer in wool&#8212;Kierulf.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the driver, too, thought this was a man one would not be likely to make any mistake about.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Didn't he generally wear a light morning-coat?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What!&#034; I cried; &#034;a light morning-coat? Are you mad? Do you think it is a tea-cup I am inquiring about?&#034; This light morning-coat came most inopportunely; it spoilt the whole man for me, such as I had fancied him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What was it you said he was called?&#8212;Kierulf?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Of course,&#034; I replied. &#034;Is there anything wonderful in that? The name doesn't disgrace anyone.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Hasn't he red hair?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, it was quite possible that he had red hair, and now that the driver mentioned the matter, I was suddenly convinced that he was right. I felt grateful to the poor driver, and hastened to inform him that he had hit the man off to a T&#8212;he really was just as he described him,&#8212;and I remarked, in addition, that it would be a phenomenon to see such a man without red hair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It must be him I drove a couple of times,&#034; said the driver; &#034;he had a knobbed stick.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This brought the man vividly before me, and I said, &#034;Ha, ha! I suppose no one has ever yet seen the man without a knobbed stick in his hand, of that you can be certain, quite certain.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, it was clear that it was the same man he had driven. He recognised him&#8212;and he drove so that the horse's shoes struck sparks as they touched the stones.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All through this phase of excitement I had not for one second lost my presence of mind. We pass a policeman, and I notice his number is 69. This number struck me with such vivid clearness that it penetrated like a splint into my brain&#8212;69&#8212;accurately 69. I wouldn't forget it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I leant back in the vehicle, a prey to the wildest fancies; crouched under the hood so that no one could see me. I moved my lips and commenced to talk idiotically to myself. Madness rages through my brain, and I let it rage. I am fully conscious that I am succumbing to influences over which I have no control. I begin to laugh, silently, passionately, without a trace of cause, still merry and intoxicated from the couple of glasses of ale I have drunk. Little by little my excitement abates, my calm returns more and more to me. I feel the cold in my sore finger, and I stick it down inside my collar to warm it a little. At length we reach Tomtegaden. The driver pulls up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I alight, without any haste, absently, listlessly, with my head heavy. I go through a gateway and come into a yard across which I pass. I come to a door which I open and pass through; I find myself in a lobby, a sort of anteroom, with two windows. There are two boxes in it, one on top of the other, in one corner, and against the wall an old, painted sofa-bed over which a rug is spread. To the right, in the next room, I hear voices and the cry of a child, and above me, on the second floor, the sound of an iron plate being hammered. All this I notice the moment as I enter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I step quietly across the room to the opposite door, without any haste, without any thought of flight; open it, too, and come out in Vognmansgaden. I look up at the house through which I have passed. &#034;Refreshment and lodgings for travellers.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It is not my intention to escape, to steal away from the driver who is waiting for me. I go very coolly down Vognmansgaden, without fear, and without being conscious of doing any wrong. Kierulf, this dealer in wool, who has spooked in my brain so long&#8212;this creature in whose existence I believed, and whom it was of vital importance that I should meet&#8212;had vanished from my memory; was wiped out with many other mad whims which came and went in turns. I recalled him no longer, except as a reminiscence&#8212;a phantom.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In measure, as I walked on, I became more and more sober; felt languid and weary, and dragged my legs after me. The snow still fell in great moist flakes. At last I reached Gronland; far out, near the church, I sat down to rest on a seat. All the passers-by looked at me with much astonishment. I fell a-thinking.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Thou good God, what a miserable plight I have come to! I was so heartily tired and weary of all my miserable life that I did not find it worth the trouble of fighting any longer to preserve it. &#913;dversity had gained the upper hand; it had been too strong for me. I had become so strangely poverty-stricken and broken, a mere shadow of what I once had been; my shoulders were sunken right down on one side, and I had contracted a habit of stooping forward fearfully as I walked, in order to spare my chest what little I could. I had examined my body a few days ago, one noon up in my room, and I had stood and cried over it the whole time. I had worn the same shirt for many weeks, and it was quite stiff with stale sweat, and had chafed my skin. A little blood and water ran out of the sore place; it did not hurt much, but it was very tiresome to have this tender place in the middle of my stomach. I had no remedy for it, and it wouldn't heal of its own accord. I washed it, dried it carefully, and put on the same shirt. There was no help for it, it . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sit there on the bench and ponder over all this, and am sad enough. I loathe myself. My very hands seem distasteful to me; the loose, almost coarse, expression of the backs of them pains me, disgusts me. I feel myself rudely affected by the sight of my lean fingers. I hate the whole of my gaunt, shrunken body, and shrink from bearing it, from feeling it envelop me. Lord, if the whole thing would come to an end now, I would heartily, gladly die!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Completely worsted, soiled, defiled, and debased in my own estimation, I rose mechanically and commenced to turn my steps homewards. On the way I passed a door, upon which the following was to be read on a plate&#8212;&#034;Winding-sheets to be had at Miss Andersen's, door to the right.&#034; Old memories! I muttered, as my thoughts flew back to my former room in Hammersborg. The little rocking-chair, the newspapers near the door, the lighthouse director's announcement, and Fabian Olsen, the baker's new-baked bread. Ah yes; times were better with me then than now; one night I had written a tale for ten shillings, now I couldn't write anything. My head grew light as soon as ever I attempted it. Yes, I would put an end to it now; and I went on and on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As I got nearer and nearer to the provision shop, I had the half-conscious feeling of approaching a danger, but I determined to stick to my purpose; I would give myself up. I ran quickly up the steps. At the door I met a little girl who was carrying a cup in her hands, and I slipped past her and opened the door. The shop boy and I stand face to face alone for the second time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well!&#034; he exclaims; &#034;fearfully bad weather now, isn't it?&#034; What did this going round the bush signify? Why didn't he seize me at once? I got furious, and cried:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, I haven't come to prate about the weather.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This violent preliminary takes him aback; his little huckster brain fails him. It has never even occurred to him that I have cheated him of five shillings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Don't you know, then, that I have swindled you?&#034; I query impatiently, and I breathe quickly with the excitement; I tremble and am ready to use force if he doesn't come to the point.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the poor man has no misgivings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, bless my soul, what stupid creatures one has to mix with in this world! I abuse him, explain to him every detail as to how it had all happened, show him where the fact was accomplished, where the money had lain; how I had gathered it up in my hand and closed my fingers over it&#8212;and he takes it all in and does nothing. He shifts uneasily from one foot to the other, listens for footsteps in the next room, make signs to hush me, to try and make me speak lower, and says at last:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It was a mean enough thing of you to do!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; hold on,&#034; I explained in my desire to contradict him&#8212;to aggravate him. It wasn't quite so mean as he imagined it to be, in his huckster head. Naturally, I didn't keep the money; that could never have entered my head. I, for my part, scorned to derive any benefit from it&#8212;that was opposed to my thoroughly honest nature.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What did you do with it, then?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I gave it away to a poor old woman every farthing of it.&#034; He must understand that that was the sort of person I was; I didn't forget the poor so. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He stands and thinks over this a while, becomes manifestly very dubious as to how far I am an honest man or not. At last he says:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oughtn't you rather to have brought it back again?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Now, listen here,&#034; I reply; &#034;I didn't want to get you into trouble in any way; but that is the thanks one gets for being generous. Here I stand and explain the whole thing to you, and you simply, instead of being ashamed as a dog, make no effort to settle the dispute with me. Therefore I wash my hands of you, and as for the rest, I say, 'The devil take you!' Good-day.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I left, slamming the door behind me. But when I got home to my room, into the melancholy hole, wet through from the soft snow, trembling in my knees from the day's wanderings, I dismounted instantly from my high horse, and sank together once more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I regretted my attack upon the poor shop-boy, wept, clutched myself by the throat to punish myself for my miserable trick, and behaved like a lunatic. He had naturally been in the most deadly terror for the sake of his situation; he had not dared to make any fuss about the five shillings that were lost to the business, and I had taken advantage of his fear, had tortured him with my violent address, stabbed him with every loud word that I had roared out. And the master himself had perhaps been sitting inside the inner room, almost within an ace of feeling called upon to come out and inquire what was the row. No, there was no longer any limit to the low things I might be tempted to do.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Well, why hadn't I been locked up? then it would have come to an end. I would almost have stretched out my wrists for the handcuffs. I would not have offered the slightest resistance; on the contrary, I would have assisted them. Lord of Heaven and Earth! one day of my life for one happy second again! My whole life for a mess of lentils! Hear me only this once! . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I laid down in the wet clothes I had on, with a vague idea that I might die during the night. And I used my last strength to tidy up my bed a little, so that it might appear a little orderly about me in the morning. I folded my hands and chose my position.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All at once I remember Ylajali. To think that I could have forgotten her the entire evening through! And light forces its way ever so faintly into my spirit again&#8212;a little ray of sunshine that makes me so blessedly warm; and gradually more sun comes, a rare, silken, balmy light that caresses me with soothing loveliness. And the sun grows stronger and stronger, burns sharply in my temples, seethes fiercely and glowingly in my emaciated brain. And at last, a maddening pyre of rays flames up before my eyes; a heaven and earth in conflagration, men and beasts of fire, mountains of fire, devils of fire, an abyss, a wilderness, a hurricane, a universe in brazen ignition, a smoking, smouldering day of doom!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And I saw and heard no more. . . .&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I woke in a sweat the next morning, moist all over, my whole body bathed in dampness. The fever had laid violent hands on me. At first I had no clear idea of what had happened to me; I looked about me in amazement, felt a complete transformation of my being, absolutely failed to recognise myself again. I felt along my own arms and down my legs, was struck with astonishment that the window was where it was, and not in the opposite wall; and I could hear the tramp of the horses' feet in the yard below as if it came from above me. I felt rather sick, too&#8212;qualmish.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My hair clung wet and cold about my forehead. I raised myself on my elbow and looked at the pillow; damp hair lay on it, too, in patches. My feet had swelled up in my shoes during the night, but they caused me no pain, only I could not move my toes much, they were too stiff.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As the afternoon closed in, and it had already begun to grow a little dusk, I got up out of bed and commenced to move about the room a little. I felt my way with short, careful steps, taking care to keep my balance and spare my feet as much as possible. I did not suffer much, and I did not cry; neither was I, taking all into consideration, sad. On the contrary, I was blissfully content. It did not strike me just then that anything could be otherwise than it was.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then I went out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The only thing that troubled me a little, in spite of the nausea that the thought of food inspired in me, was hunger. I commenced to be sensible of a shameless appetite again; a ravenous lust of food, which grew steadily worse and worse. It gnawed unmercifully in my breast; carrying on a silent, mysterious work in there. It was as if a score of diminutive gnome-like insects set their heads on one side and gnawed for a little, then laid their heads on the other side and gnawed a little more, then lay quite still for a moment's space, and then began afresh, boring noiselessly in, and without any haste, and left empty spaces everywhere after them as they went on. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was not ill, but faint; I broke into a sweat. I thought of going to the market-place to rest a while, but the way was long and wearisome; at last I had almost reached it. I stood at the corner of the market and Market Street; the sweat ran down into my eyes and blinded me, and I had just stopped in order to wipe it away a little. I did not notice the place I was standing in; in fact, I did not think about it; the noise around me was something frightful.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly a call rings out, a cold, sharp warning. I hear this cry&#8212;hear it quite well, and I start nervously to one side, stepping as quickly as my bad foot allows me to. A monster of a bread-van brushes past me, and the wheel grazes my coat; I might perhaps have been a little quicker if I had exerted myself. Well, there was no help for it; one foot pained me, a couple of toes were crunched. I felt that they, as it were, curled up in my shoes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The driver reins in his horse with all his might. He turns round on the van and inquires in a fright how it fares with me. Oh! it might have been worse, far worse. . . . It was perhaps not so dangerous. . . . I didn't think any bones were broken. Oh, pray . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I rushed over as quickly as I could to a seat; all these people who stopped and stared at me abashed me. After all, it was no mortal blow; comparatively speaking, I had got off luckily enough, as misfortune was bound to come in my way. The worst thing was that my shoe was crushed to pieces; the sole was torn loose at the toe. I held up my foot, and saw blood inside the gap. Well, it wasn't intentional on either side; it was not the man's purpose to make things worse for me than they were; he looked much concerned about it. It was quite certain that if I had begged him for a piece of bread out of his cart he would have given it to me. He would certainly have given it to me gladly God bless him in return, wherever he is! . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was terribly hungry, and I did not know what to do with myself and my shameless appetite. I writhed from side to side on the seat, and bowed my chest right down to my knees; I was almost distracted. When it got dark I jogged along to the Town Hall&#8212;God knows how I got there&#8212;and sat on the edge of the balustrade. I tore a pocket out of my coat and took to chewing it; not with any defined object, but with dour mien and unseeing eyes, staring straight into space. I could hear a group of little children playing around near me, and perceive, in an instinctive sort of way, some pedestrian pass me by; otherwise, I observed nothing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All at once, it enters my head to go to one of the meat bazaars underneath me, and beg a piece of raw meat. I go straight along the balustrade to the other side of the bazaar buildings, and descend the steps. When I had nearly reached the stalls on the lower floor, I called up the archway leading to the stairs, and made a threatening backward gesture, as if I were talking to a dog up there, and boldly addressed the first butcher I met.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah, will you be kind enough to give me a bone for my dog?&#034; I said; &#034;only a bone. There needn't be anything on it; it's just to give him something to carry in his mouth.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I got the bone, a capital little bone, on which there still remained a morsel of meat, and hid it under my coat. I thanked the man so heartily that he looked at me in amazement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, no need of thanks,&#034; said he.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh yes; don't say that,&#034; I mumbled; &#034;it is kindly done of you,&#034; and I ascended the steps again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My heart was throbbing violently in my breast. I sneaked into one of the passages, where the forges are, as far in as I could go, and stopped outside a dilapidated door leading to a back-yard. There was no light to be seen anywhere, only blessed darkness all around me; and I began to gnaw at the bone.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It had no taste; a rank smell of blood oozed from it, and I was forced to vomit almost immediately. I tried anew. If I could only keep it down, it would, in spite of all, have some effect. It was simply a matter of forcing it to remain down there. But I vomited again. I grew wild, bit angrily into the meat, tore off a morsel, and gulped it down by sheer strength of will; and yet it was of no use. Just as soon as the little fragments of meat became warm in my stomach up they came again, worse luck. I clenched my hands in frenzy, burst into tears from sheer helplessness, and gnawed away as one possessed. I cried, so that the bone got wet and dirty with my tears, vomited, cursed and groaned again, cried as if my heart would break, and vomited anew. I consigned all the powers that be to the lowermost torture in the loudest voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Quiet&#8212;not a soul about&#8212;no light, no noise; I am in a state of the most fearful excitement; I breathe hardly and audibly, and I cry, with gnashing teeth, each time that the morsel of meat, which might satisfy me a little, comes up. As I find that, in spite of all my efforts, it avails me nought, I cast the bone at the door. I am filled with the most impotent hate; shriek, and menace with my fists towards Heaven; yell God's name hoarsely, and bend my fingers like claws, with ill-suppressed fury. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I tell you, you Heaven's Holy Baal, you don't exist; but that, if you did, I would curse you so that your Heaven would quiver with the fire of hell! I tell you, I have offered you my service, and you repulsed me; and I turn my back on you for all eternity, because you did not know your time of visitation! I tell you that I am about to die, and yet I mock you! You Heaven God and Apis! with death staring me in the face&#8212;I tell you, I would rather be a bondsman in hell than a freedman in your mansions! I tell you, I am filled with a blissful contempt for your divine paltriness; and I choose the abyss of destruction for a perpetual resort, where the devils Judas and Pharaoh are cast down!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I tell you your Heaven is full of the kingdom of the earth's most crass-headed idiots and poverty-stricken in spirit! I tell you, you have filled your Heaven with the grossest and most cherished harlots from here below, who have bent their knees piteously before you at their hour of death! I tell you, you have used force against me, and you know not, you omniscient nullity, that I never bend in opposition! I tell you, all my life, every cell in my body, every power of my soul, gasps to mock you, you Gracious Monster on High. I tell you, I would, if I could, breathe it into every human soul, every flower, every leaf, every dewdrop in the garden! I tell you, I would scoff you on the day of doom, and curse the teeth out of my mouth for the sake of your Deity's boundless miserableness! I tell you, from this hour I renounce all thy works and all thy pomps! I will execrate my thought if it dwell on you again, and tear out my lips if they even utter your name! I tell you, if you exist, my last word in life or in death&#8212;I bid you farewell, for all time and eternity&#8212;I bid you farewell with heart and reins. I bid you the last irrevocable farewell, and I am silent, and turn my back on you and go my way. . . . Quiet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I tremble with excitement and exhaustion, and stand on the same spot, still whispering oaths and abusive epithets, hiccoughing after the violent crying fit, broken down and apathetic after my frenzied outburst of rage. I stand there for maybe an hour, hiccough and whisper, and hold on to the door. Then I hear voices&#8212;a conversation between two men who are coming down the passage. I slink away from the door, drag myself along the walls of the houses, and come out again into the light streets. As I jog along Young's Hill my brain begins to work in a most peculiar direction. It occurs to me that the wretched hovels down at the corner of the market-place, the stores for loose materials, the old booths for second-hand clothes, are really a disgrace to the place&#8212;they spoilt the whole appearance of the market, and were a blot on the town. Fie! away with the rubbish! And I turned over in my mind as I walked on what it would cost to remove the Geographical Survey down there&#8212;that handsome building which had always attracted me so much each time I passed it. It would perhaps not be possible to undertake a removal of that kind under two or three hundred pounds. A pretty sum&#8212;three hundred pounds! One must admit, a tidy enough little sum for pocket-money! Ha, ha! just to make a start with, eh? and I nodded my head, and conceded that it was a tidy enough bit of pocket money to make a start with. I was still trembling over my whole body, and hiccoughed now and then violently after my cry. I had a feeling that there was not much life left in me&#8212;that I was really singing my last verse. It was almost a matter of indifference to me; it did not trouble me in the least. On the contrary, I wended my way down town, down to the wharf, farther and farther away from my room. I would, for that matter, have willingly laid myself down flat in the street to die. My sufferings were rendering me more and more callous. My sore foot throbbed violently; I had a sensation as if the pain was creeping up through my whole leg. But not even that caused me any particular distress; I had endured worse sensations.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In this manner, I reached the railway wharf. There was no traffic, no noise&#8212;only here and there a person to be seen, a labourer or sailor slinking round with their hands in their pockets. I took notice of a lame man, who looked sharply at me as we passed one another. I stopped him instinctively, touched my hat, and inquired if he knew if the &lt;i&gt;Nun&lt;/i&gt; had sailed. Someway, I couldn't help snapping my fingers right under the man's nose, and saying, &#034;Ay, by Jove, the &lt;i&gt;Nun&lt;/i&gt;; yes, the &lt;i&gt;Nun&lt;/i&gt;!&#034; which I had totally forgotten. All the same, the thought of her had been smouldering in me. I had carried it about unconsciously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, bless me, the &lt;i&gt;Nun&lt;/i&gt; had sailed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He couldn't tell me where she had sailed to?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The man reflects, stands on his long leg, keeps the other up in the air; it dangles a little.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No,&#034; he replies. &#034;Do you know what cargo she was taking in here?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No,&#034; I answer. But by this time I had already lost interest in the &lt;i&gt;Nun&lt;/i&gt;, and I asked the man how far it might be to Holmestrand, reckoned in good old geographical miles.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;To Holmestrand? I should think . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Or to V&#339;blungsnaess?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What was I going to say? I should think to Holmestrand . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, never mind; I have just remembered it,&#034; I interrupted him again. &#034;You wouldn't perhaps be so kind as to give me a small bit of tobacco&#8212;only just a tiny scrap?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I received the tobacco, thanked the man heartily, and went on. I made no use of the tobacco; I put it into my pocket. He still kept his eye on me&#8212;perhaps I had aroused his suspicions in some way or another. Whether I stood still or walked on, I felt his suspicious look following me. I had no mind to be persecuted by this creature. I turn round, and, dragging myself back to him, say:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Binder&#034;&#8212;only this one word, &#034;Binder!&#034; no more. I looked fixedly at him as I say it, indeed I was conscious of staring fearfully at him. It was as if I saw him with my entire body instead of only with my eyes. I stare for a little while after I give utterance to this word, and then I jog along again to the railway square. The man does not utter a syllable, he only keeps his gaze fixed upon me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Binder!&#034; I stood suddenly still. Yes, wasn't that just what I had a feeling of the moment I met the old chap; a feeling that I had met him before! One bright morning up in Graendsen, when I pawned my waistcoat. It seemed to me an eternity since that day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Whilst I stand and ponder over this, I lean and support myself against a house wall at the corner of the railway square and Harbour Street. Suddenly, I start quickly and make an effort to crawl away. As I do not succeed in it, I stare case-hardened ahead of me and fling all shame to the winds. There is no help for it. I am standing face to face with the &#034;Commandor.&#034; I get devil-may-care&#8212;brazen. I take yet a step farther from the wall in order to make him notice me. I do not do it to awake his compassion, but to mortify myself, place myself, as it were, on the pillory. I could have flung myself down in the street and begged him to walk over me, tread on my face. I don't even bid him good-evening.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Perhaps the &#034;Commandor&#034; guesses that something is amiss with me. He slackens his pace a little, and I say, in order to stop him, &#034;I would have called upon you long ago with something, but nothing has come yet!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Indeed?&#034; he replies in an interrogative tone. &#034;You haven't got it finished, then?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, it didn't get finished.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My eyes by this time are filled with tears at his friendliness, and I cough with a bitter effort to regain my composure. The &#034;Commandor&#034; tweaks his nose and looks at me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Have you anything to live on in the meantime?&#034; he questions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No,&#034; I reply. &#034;I haven't that either; I haven't eaten anything to-day, but . . . &#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;The Lord preserve you, man, it will never do for you to go and starve yourself to death,&#034; he exclaims, feeling in his pocket.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This causes a feeling of shame to awake in me, and I stagger over to the wall and hold on to it. I see him finger in his purse, and he hands me half-a-sovereign.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He makes no fuss about it, simply gives me half-a-sovereign, reiterating at the same time that it would never do to let me starve to death. I stammered an objection and did not take it all at once. It is shameful of me to . . . it was really too much. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Hurry up,&#034; he says, looking at his watch. &#034;I have been waiting for the train; I hear it coming now.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I took the money; I was dumb with joy, and never said a word; I didn't even thank him once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It isn't worth while feeling put out about it,&#034; said the &#034;Commandor&#034; at last. &#034;I know you can write for it.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And so off he went.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When he had gone a few steps, I remembered all at once that I had not thanked him for this great assistance. I tried to overtake him, but could not get on quickly enough; my legs failed me, and I came near tumbling on my face. He went farther and farther away from me. I gave up the attempt; thought of calling after him, but dared not; and when after all I did muster up courage enough and called once or twice, he was already at too great a distance, and my voice had become too weak.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was left standing on the pavement, gazing after him. I wept quietly and silently. &#034;I never saw the like!&#034; I said to myself. &#034;He gave me half-a-sovereign.&#034; I walked back and placed myself where he had stood, imitated all his movements, held the half-sovereign up to my moistened eyes, inspected it on both sides, and began to swear&#8212;to swear at the top of my voice, that there was no manner of doubt that what I held in my hand was half-a-sovereign. An hour after, maybe&#8212;a very long hour, for it had grown very silent all around me&#8212;I stood, singularly enough, outside No. 11, Tomtegaden. After I had stood and collected my wits for a moment and wondered thereat, I went through the door for the second time, right into the &#034;Entertainment and lodgings for travellers.&#034; Here I asked for shelter, and was immediately supplied with a bed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&#8288;&#8226;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tuesday.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sunshine and quiet&#8212;a strangely bright day. The snow had disappeared. There was life and joy, and glad faces, smiles, and laughter everywhere. The fountains threw up sprays of water in jets, golden-tinted from the sunlight, azure from the sky. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At noon I left my lodgings in Tomtegaden, where I still lived and found fairly comfortable, and set out for town. I was in the merriest humour, and lazied about the whole afternoon through the most frequented streets and looked at the people. Even before seven o'clock I took a turn up St Olav's Place and took a furtive look up at the window of No. 2. In an hour I would see her. I went about the whole time in a state of tremulous, delicious dread. What would happen? What should I say when she came down the stairs? Good-evening? or only smile? I concluded to let it rest with the smile. Of course I would bow profoundly to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stole away, a little ashamed to be there so early, wandered up Carl Johann for a while, and kept my eyes on University Street. When the clocks struck eight I walked once more towards St Olav's Place. On the way it struck me that perhaps I might arrive a few minutes too late, and I quickened my pace as much as I could. My foot was very sore, otherwise nothing ailed me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I took up my place at the fountain and drew breath. I stood there a long while and gazed up at the window of No. 2, but she did not come. Well, I would wait; I was in no hurry. She might be delayed, and I waited on. It couldn't well be that I had dreamt the whole thing! Had my first meeting with her only existed in imagination the night I lay in delirium? I began in perplexity to think over it, and wasn't at all sure.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Hem!&#034; came from behind me. I heard this, and I also heard light steps near me, but I did not turn round, I only stared up at the wide staircase before me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-evening,&#034; came then. I forget to smile; I don't even take off my hat at first, I am so taken aback to see her come this way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Have you been waiting long?&#034; she asks. She is breathing a little quickly after her walk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, not at all; I only came a little while ago,&#034; I reply. &#034;And besides, would it matter if I had waited long? I expected, by-the-way, that you would come from another direction.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I accompanied mamma to some people. Mamma is spending the evening with them.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, indeed,&#034; I say.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We had begun to walk on involuntarily. A policeman is standing at the corner, looking at us.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But, after all, where are we going to?&#034; she asks, and stops.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Wherever you wish; only where &lt;i&gt;you&lt;/i&gt; wish.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ugh, yes! but it's such a bore to have to decide oneself.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A pause.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then I say, merely for the sake of saying something:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I see it's dark up in your windows.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, it is,&#034; she replies gaily; &#034;the servant has an evening off, too, so I am all alone at home.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We both stand and look up at the windows of No. 2 as if neither of us had seen them before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Can't we go up to your place, then?&#034; I say; &#034;I shall sit down at the door the whole time if you like.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But then I trembled with emotion, and regretted greatly that I had perhaps been too forward. Supposing she were to get angry, and leave me. Suppose I were never to see her again. Ah, that miserable attire of mine! I waited despairingly for her reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You shall certainly not sit down by the door,&#034; she says. She says it right down tenderly, and says accurately these words: &#034;You shall certainly not sit down by the door.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We went up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Out on the lobby, where it was dark, she took hold of my hand, and led me on. There was no necessity for my being so quiet, she said, I could very well talk. We entered. Whilst she lit the candle&#8212;it was not a lamp she lit, but a candle&#8212;whilst she lit the candle, she said, with a little laugh:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But now you mustn't look at me. Ugh! I am so ashamed, but I will never do it again.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What will you never do again?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I will never . . . ugh . . . no . . . good gracious . . . I will never kiss you again!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Won't you?&#034; I said, and we both laughed. I stretched out my arms to her, and she glided away; slipped round to the other side of the table. We stood a while and gazed at one another; the candle stood right between us.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Try and catch me,&#034; she said; and with much laughter I tried to seize hold of her. Whilst she sprang about, she loosened her veil, and took off her hat; her sparkling eyes hung on mine, and watched my movements. I made a fresh sortie, and tripped on the carpet and fell, my sore foot refusing to bear me up any longer. I rose in extreme confusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Lord, how red you did get!&#034; she said. &#034;Well, it was awfully awkward of you.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, it was,&#034; I agreed, and we began the chase afresh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It seems to me you limp.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; perhaps I do&#8212;just a little&#8212;only just a little, for that matter.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Last time you had a sore finger, now you have got a sore foot; it is awful the number of afflictions you have.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah, yes. I was run over slightly, a few days ago.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Run over! Tipsy again? Why, good Heavens! what a life you lead, young man!&#034; and she threatened me with her fore-finger, and tried to appear grave. &#034;Well, let us sit down, then; no, not down there by the door; you are far too reserved! Come here&#8212;you there, and I here&#8212;so, that's it . . . ugh, it's such a bore with reticent people! One has to say and do everything oneself; one gets no help to do anything. Now, for example, you might just as well put your arm over the back of my chair; you could easily have thought of that much out of your own head, couldn't you? But if I say anything like that, you open your eyes as wide as if you couldn't believe what was being said. Yes, it is really true; I have noticed it several times; you are doing it now, too; but you needn't try to persuade me that you are always so modest; it is only when you don't dare to be otherwise than quiet. You were daring enough the day you were tipsy&#8212;when you followed me straight home and worried me with your witticisms. 'You are losing your book, madam; you are quite certainly losing your book, madam!' Ha, ha, ha! it was really shameless of you.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sat dejectedly and looked at her; my heart beat violently, my blood raced quickly through my veins, there was a singular sense of enjoyment in it!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Why don't you say something?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What a darling you are,&#034; I cried. &#034;I am simply sitting here getting thoroughly fascinated by you&#8212;here this very moment thoroughly fascinated. . . . There is no help for it. . . . You are the most extraordinary creature that . . . sometimes your eyes gleam so, that I never saw their match; they look like flowers . . . eh? No, well no, perhaps not like flowers, either, but . . . I am so desperately in love with you, and it is so preposterous . . . for, great Scott! there is naturally not an atom of chance for me. . . . What is your name? Now, you really must tell me what you are called.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; what is &lt;i&gt;your&lt;/i&gt; name? Gracious, I was nearly forgetting that again! I thought about it all yesterday, that I meant to ask you&#8212;yes, that is to say, not &lt;i&gt;all&lt;/i&gt; yesterday, but&#8212;&#8212;&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Do you know what I named you? I named you Ylajali. How do you like that? It has a gliding sound. . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ylajali?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Is that a foreign language?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Humph&#8212;no, it isn't that either!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, it isn't ugly!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After a long discussion we told one another our names. She seated herself close to my side on the sofa, and shoved the chair away with her foot, and we began to chatter afresh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You are shaved this evening, too,&#034; she said; &#034;look on the whole a little better than the last time&#8212;that is to say, only just a scrap better. Don't imagine . . . no; the last time you were really shabby, and you had a dirty rag round your finger into the bargain; and in that state you absolutely wanted me to go to some place, and take wine with you&#8212;thanks, not me!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;So it was, after all, because of my miserable appearance that you would not go with me?&#034; I said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No,&#034; she replied and looked down. &#034;No; God knows it wasn't. I didn't even think about it.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Listen,&#034; said I; &#034;you are evidently sitting here labouring under the delusion that I can dress and live exactly as I choose, aren't you? And that is just what I can't do; I am very, very poor.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She looked at me. &#034;Are you?&#034; she queried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, worse luck, I am.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After an interval.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, gracious, so am I, too,&#034; she said, with a cheerful movement of her head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everyone of her words intoxicated me, fell on my heart like drops of wine. She enchanted me with the trick she had of putting her head a little on one side, and listening when I said anything, and I could feel her breath brush my face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Do you know,&#034; I said, &#034;that . . . but, now, you mustn't get angry&#8212;when I went to bed last night I settled this arm for you . . . so . . . as if you lay on it . . . and then I went to sleep.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Did you? That was lovely!&#034; A pause. &#034;But of course it could only be from a distance that you would venture to do such a thing, for otherwise . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Don't you believe I could do it otherwise?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, I don't believe it.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah, from me you may expect everything,&#034; I said, and I put my arm around her waist.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Can I?&#034; was all she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It annoyed me, almost wounded me, that she should look upon me as being so utterly inoffensive. I braced myself up, steeled my heart, and seized her hand; but she withdrew it softly, and moved a little away from me. That just put an end to my courage again; I felt ashamed, and looked out through the window. I was, in spite of all, in far too wretched a condition; I must, above all, not try to imagine myself anyone in particular. It would have been another matter if I had met her during the time that I still looked like a respectable human being&#8212;in my old, well-off days when I had sufficient to make an appearance; and I felt fearfully downcast!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;There now, one can see!&#034; she said, &#034;now one can just see one can snub you with just the tiniest frown&#8212;make you look sheepish by just moving a little away from you&#034; . . . she laughed, tantalisingly, roguishly, with tightly-closed eyes, as if she could not stand being looked at, either.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, upon my soul!&#034; I blurted out, &#034;now you shall just see,&#034; and I flung my arms violently around her shoulder. I was mortified. Was the girl out of her senses? Did she think I was totally inexperienced! Ha! Then I would, by the living . . . No one should say of me that I was backward on that score. The creature was possessed by the devil himself! If it were only a matter of going at it, well . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She sat quite quietly, and still kept her eyes closed; neither of us spoke. I crushed her fiercely to me, pressed her body greedily against my breast, and she spoke never a word. I heard her heart's beat, both hers and mine; they sounded like hurrying hoof-beats.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I kissed her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I no longer knew myself. I uttered some nonsense, that she laughed at, whispered pet names into her mouth, caressed her cheek, kissed her many times. I undid a couple of buttons in her bodice and I caught a glimpse of her breasts inside&#8212;white rounded breasts, that peeped out like two sweet wonders behind her linen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;May I see?&#034; I say, and I try to undo more buttons to make the opening wider, but my movements are too rough, I make no way with the lower buttons; besides, the bodice tightened there.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;May I just see a little . . . a little?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She winds her arms about my neck, quite slowly, tenderly, the breath of her pink quivering nostrils fans me right in the face; with one hand she begins herself to undo the buttons one by one. She laughs embarrassedly, laughs shortly, and looks up at me several times, to see if I notice that she is afraid. She loosens strings, unclasps her stays, is fascinated and frightened&#8212;and I finger with my clumsy hands at these buttons and strings. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To divert my attention from what she is doing, she strokes down my shoulders with her left hand, and says, &#034;What a lot of loose hair there is.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes,&#034; I reply, and I try to penetrate into her breast with my mouth. She is lying at this moment with completely loosened clothes. Suddenly, as if she changes her mind, as if she thinks she has gone too far, she covers herself again and rises up a little, and, to hide her confusion at the state of her clothes, she begins to remark anew on the mass of loose hair that covers my shoulders.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What can be the reason that your hair falls out so?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Don't know.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah, of course, because you drink too much, and perhaps . . . fie, I won't say it. You ought to be ashamed. No, I wouldn't have believed that of you! To think that you, who are so young, already should lose your hair! Now, do please just tell me what sort of way you really spend you life&#8212;I am certain it is dreadful! But only the truth, do you hear; no evasions. Anyway, I shall see by you if you hide anything&#8212;there, tell now!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; but let me kiss you on your breast first, then.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Are you mad? Well, begin now.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, dear; do give me leave, now, to do that first.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Humph, no; not first; . . . maybe afterwards. . . . I want to hear what kind of a man you are. . . . Ah, I am sure it is dreadful.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It hurt me that she should believe the worst of me; I was afraid of thrusting her away entirely, and I could not endure the misgivings she had as to my way of life. I would clear myself in her eyes, make myself worthy of her, show her that she was sitting at the side of a person almost angelically disposed. Why, bless me, I could count my falls up to date on my fingers. I related&#8212;related all&#8212;and I only related truth. I made out nothing any worse than it was; it was not my intention to rouse her compassion. I told her also that I had stolen five shillings one evening. She sat and listened, with open mouth, pale, frightened, her shining eyes completely bewildered. I desired to make it good again, to disperse the sad impression I had made, and I pulled myself up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, it is all over now!&#034; I said; &#034;there can be no talk of such a thing happening again; I am saved now. . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But she was much dispirited, &#034;The Lord preserve me!&#034; was all she said, then kept silent. She repeated this at short intervals, and kept silent after each &#034;the Lord preserve me.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I began to jest, caught hold of her, tried to tickle her, lifted her up to my breast. She had buttoned up her frock again. This irritated me not a little&#8212;indeed, downright hurt me. Why should she button up her frock again? Was I more unworthy in her eyes now, than if I had myself been instrumental in causing the falling out of my hair? Would she have thought more of me if I had made myself out to be a &lt;i&gt;rou&#233;&lt;/i&gt;? . . . No nonsense now; . . . it was just a matter of going at it; and if it was only just a matter of going at it, so, by the living . . . I laid her down simply laid her down on the sofa. She struggled quite feebly, by-the-way, and looked astonished.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; . . . what do you want?&#034; she queried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What do I want?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ha! she asked me what I wanted. Go at it was what I wanted&#8212;go right at it. It was not only from a distance that I was able to go at it. That was not the sort and condition of man I was&#8212;I would have to prove I was not the sort of fellow to be trifled with, and not to be snubbed by a frown. No, no, forsooth; I had never yet gone forth from such an affair as this without having effected my purpose . . . and I went at it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No! . . . no, but . . . ?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, rather; that was just my intention.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; do listen!&#034; she cried, and she added these hurtful words, &#034;I can't be sure that you are not insane!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I checked myself involuntarily, and I said: &#034;You don't mean that!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Indeed, God knows I do! you look so strangely. And the forenoon you followed me&#8212;after all, you weren't tipsy that time?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; but I wasn't hungry then, either; I had just eaten. . . . &#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; but that made it so much the worse.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Would you rather I had been tipsy?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes . . . ugh . . . I am afraid of you! Lord, can't you let me be now!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I considered a moment. No, I couldn't let her be. No damned nonsense late in the evening on a sofa. &#034;Off with that petticoat!&#034; Ha, what odd excuses one could hit upon in such a moment, as if I didn't know it was just half-coyness, mock modesty all the time. I would indeed be green! &#034;There, be quiet! No bosh! Live king and country!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She fought and struggled against me with unusual strength&#8212;far too strongly to only do so from coyness. I happened, as if inadvertently, to knock over the light, so that it went out. She made a despairing struggle&#8212;gave vent at last to a little whimper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, not that&#8212;oh, not that! If you like, you may rather kiss me on my breast, oh, dear, kind . . . &#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stopped instantly. Her words sounded so terrified, so helpless, I was struck to the heart. She meant to offer me a compensation by giving me leave to kiss her breast! How charming, how charmingly na&#239;ve. I could have fallen down and knelt before her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But, dear pretty one,&#034; I said, completely bewildered, &#034;I don't understand . . . I really can't conceive what sort of a game this is . . . &#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She rose, lit the candle again with trembling hands. I leant back on the sofa and did nothing. What would happen now? I was in reality very ill at ease.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She cast a look over at the clock on the wall, and started.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ugh, the girl will soon come now!&#034; she said; this was the first thing she said. I took the hint, and rose. She took up her jacket as if to put it on, bethought herself, and let it lie, and went over to the fireplace. So that it should not appear as if she had shown me the door, I said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Was your father in the army?&#034; and at the same time I prepared to leave.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; he was an officer. How did you know?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I didn't know; it just came into my head.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;That was odd.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah, yes; there were some places I came to where I got a kind of presentiment. Ha, ha!&#8212;a part of my insanity, eh?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She looked quickly up, but didn't answer. I felt I worried her with my presence, and determined to make short work of it. I went towards the door. Would she not kiss me any more now? not even give me her hand? I stood and waited.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Are you going now, then?&#034; she said, and yet she remained quietly standing over near the fireplace.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I did not reply. I stood humbly in confusion, and looked at her without saying anything. Why hadn't she left me in peace, when nothing was to come of it? What was the matter with her now? It didn't seem to put her out that I stood prepared to leave. She was all at once completely lost to me, and I searched for something to say to her in farewell&#8212;a weighty, cutting word that would strike her, and perhaps impress her a little. And in the face of my first resolve, hurt as I was, instead of being proud and cold, disturbed and offended, I began right off to talk of trifles. The telling word would not come; I conducted myself in an exceedingly aimless fashion. Why couldn't she just as well tell me plainly and straightly to go my way? I queried. Yes, indeed, why not? There was no need of feeling embarrassed about it. Instead of reminding me that the girl would soon come home, she could have simply said as follows: &#034;Now you must run, for I must go and fetch my mother, and I won't have your escort through the street.&#034; So it was not that she had been thinking about? Ah, yes; it was that all the same she had thought about; I understood that at once. It did not require much to put me on the right track; only, just the way she had taken up her jacket, and left it down again, had convinced me immediately. As I said before, I had presentiments; and it was not altogether insanity that was at the root of it. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But, great heavens! do forgive me for that word! It slipped out of my mouth,&#034; she cried; but yet she stood quite quietly, and did not come over to me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was inflexible, and went on. I stood there and prattled, with the painful consciousness that I bored her, that not one of my words went home, and all the same I did not cease.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At bottom one might be a fairly sensitive nature, even if one were not insane, I ventured to say. There were natures that fed on trifles, and died just for one hard word's sake; and I implied that I had such a nature. The fact was, that my poverty had in that degree sharpened certain powers in me, so that they caused me unpleasantness. Yes, I assure you honestly, unpleasantness; worse luck! But this had also its advantages. It helped me in certain situations in life. The poor intelligent man is a far nicer observer than the rich intelligent man. The poor man looks about him at every step he takes, listens suspiciously to every word he hears from the people he meets, every step he takes affords in this way a task for his thoughts and feelings&#8212;an occupation. He is quick of hearing, and sensitive; he is an experienced man, his soul bears the sears of the fire. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And I talked a long time over these sears my soul had. But the longer I talked, the more troubled she grew. At last she muttered, &#034;My God!&#034; a couple of times in despair, and wrung her hands. I could see well that I tormented her, and I had no wish to torment her&#8212;but did it, all the same. At last, being of the opinion that I had succeeded in telling her in rude enough terms the essentials of what I had to say, I was touched by her heart-stricken expression. I cried:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Now I am going, now I am going. Can't you see that I already have my hand on the handle of the door? Good-bye, good-bye,&#034; I say. &#034;You might answer me when I say good-bye twice, and stand on the point of going. I don't even ask to meet you again, for it would torment you. But tell me, why didn't you leave me in peace? What had I done to you? I didn't get in your way, now, did I? Why did you turn away from me all at once, as if you didn't know me any longer? You have plucked me now so thoroughly bare, made me even more wretched than I ever was at any time before; but, indeed, I am not insane. You know well, if you think it over, that nothing is the matter with me now. Come over, then, and give me your hand&#8212;or give me leave to go to you, will you? I won't do you any harm; I will only kneel before you, only for a minute&#8212;kneel down on the floor before you, only for a minute, may I? No, no; there, I am not to do it then, I see. You are getting afraid. I &lt;i&gt;will&lt;/i&gt; not, I &lt;i&gt;will not&lt;/i&gt; do it; do you hear? Lord, why do you get so terrified? I am standing quite still; I am not moving. I would have knelt down on the carpet for a moment&#8212;just there, upon that patch of red, at your feet; but you got frightened&#8212;I could see it at once in your eyes that you got frightened, that was why I stood still. I didn't move a step when I asked you might I, did I? I stood just as immovable as I stand now when I point out the place to you where I would have knelt before you, over there on the crimson rose in the carpet. I don't even point with my finger. I don't point at all; I let it be, not to frighten you. I only nod and look over at it, like this! and you know perfectly well which rose I mean, but you won't let me kneel there. You are afraid of me, and dare not come near to me. I cannot conceive how you could have the heart to call me insane. It isn't true; you don't believe it, either, any longer? It was once in the summer, a long time ago, I was mad; I worked too hard, and forgot to go to dine at the right hour, when I had too much to think about. That happened day after day. I ought to have remembered it; but I went on forgetting it&#8212;by God in Heaven, it is true! God keep me from ever coming alive from this spot if I lie. There, you can see, you do me an injustice. It was not out of need I did it; I can get credit, much credit, at Ingebret's or Gravesen's. I often, too, had a good deal of money in my pocket, and did not buy food, all the same, because I forgot it. Do you hear? You don't say anything; you don't answer; you don't stir a bit from the fire; you just stand and wait for me to go. . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She came hurriedly over to me, and stretched out her hand. I looked at her, full of mistrust. Did she do it with any true heartiness, or did she only do it to get rid of me? She wound her arms round my neck; she had tears in her eyes; I only stood and looked at her. She offered her mouth; I couldn't believe in her; it was quite certain she was making a sacrifice as a means of putting an end to all this.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She said something; it sounded to me like, &#034;I am fond of you, in spite of all.&#034; She said it very lowly and indistinctly; maybe I did not hear aright. She may not have said just those words; but she cast herself impetuously against my breast, clasped both her arms about my neck for a little while, stretched even up a bit on her toes to get a good hold, and stood so for perhaps a whole minute. I was afraid that she was forcing herself to show me this tenderness, and I only said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What a darling you are now!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
More I didn't say. I crushed her in my arms, stepped back, rushed to the door, and went out backwards. She remained in there, behind me.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTIV&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Winter had set in&#8212;a raw, wet winter, almost without snow. A foggy, dark, and everlasting night, without a single blast of fresh wind the whole week through. The gas was lighted almost all the day in the streets, and yet people jostled one another in the fog. Every sound, the clang of the church bells, the jingling of the harness of the &lt;i&gt;droske&lt;/i&gt; horses, the people's voices, the beat of the hoofs, everything, sounded choked and jangling through the close air, that penetrated and muffled everything.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Week followed week, and the weather was, and remained, still the same.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And I stayed steadily down in Vaterland. I grew more and more closely bound to this inn, this lodging-house for travellers, where I had found shelter, in spite of my starving condition. My money was exhausted long since; and yet I continued to come and go in this place as if I had a right to it, and was at home there. The landlady had, as yet, said nothing; but it worried me all the same that I could not pay her. In this way three weeks went by. I had already, many days ago, taken to writing again; but I could not succeed in putting anything together that satisfied me. I had no longer any luck, although I was very painstaking, and strove early and late; no matter what I attempted, it was useless. Good fortune had flown; and I exerted myself in vain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was in a room on the second floor, the best guest-room, that I sat and made these attempts. I had been undisturbed up there since the first evening when I had money and was able to settle for what I got. All the time I was buoyed up by the hope of at last succeeding in getting together an article on some subject or another, so that I could pay for my room, and for whatever else I owed. That was the reason I worked on so persistently. I had, in particular, commenced a piece from which I expected great things&#8212;an allegory about a fire&#8212;a profound thought upon which I intended to expend all my energy, and bring it to the &#034;Commandor&#034; in payment. The &#034;Commandor&#034; should see that he had helped a talent this time. I had no doubt but that he would eventually see that; it only was a matter of waiting till the spirit moved me; and why shouldn't the spirit move me? Why should it not come over me even now, at a very early date? There was no longer anything the matter with me. My landlady gave me a little food every day, some bread and butter, mornings and evenings, and my nervousness had almost flown. I no longer used cloths round my hands when I wrote; and I could stare down into the street from my window on the second floor without getting giddy. I was much better in every way, and it was becoming a matter of astonishment to me that I had not already finished my allegory. I couldn't understand why it was. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But a day came when I was at last to get a clear idea of how weak I had really become; with what incapacity my dull brain acted. Namely, on this day my landlady came up to me with a reckoning which she asked me to look over. There must be something wrong in this reckoning, she said; it didn't agree with her own book; but she had not been able to find out the mistake.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I set to work to add up. My landlady sat right opposite and looked at me. I totted up these score of figures first once down, and found the total right; then once up again, and arrived at the same result. I looked at the woman sitting opposite me, waiting on my words. I noticed at the same time that she was pregnant; it did not escape my attention, and yet I did not stare in any way scrutinisingly at her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;The total is right,&#034; said I.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; go over each figure now,&#034; she answered. &#034;I am sure it can't be so much; I am positive of it.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And I commenced to check each line&#8212;2 loaves at 212d., 1 lamp chimney, 3d., soap, 4d., butter, 5d. . . . It did not require any particularly shrewd head to run up these rows of figures&#8212;this little huckster account in which nothing very complex occurred. I tried honestly to find the error that the woman spoke about, but couldn't succeed. After I had muddled about with these figures for some minutes I felt that, unfortunately, everything commenced to dance about in my head; I could no longer distinguish debit or credit; I mixed the whole thing up. Finally, I came to a dead stop at the following entry&#8212;&#034;3. 516ths of a pound of cheese at 9d.&#034; My brain failed me completely; I stared stupidly down at the cheese, and got no farther.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It is really too confoundedly crabbed writing,&#034; I exclaimed, in despair. &#034;Why, God bless me, here is 516ths of a pound of cheese entered&#8212;ha, ha! did anyone ever hear the like? Yes, look here; you can see for yourself.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes,&#034; she said; &#034;it is often put down like that; it is a kind of Dutch cheese. Yes, that is all right&#8212;five-sixteenths is in this case five ounces.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, yes; I understand that well enough,&#034; I interrupted, although in truth I understand nothing more whatever.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I tried once more to get this little account right, that I could have totted up in a second some months ago. I sweated fearfully, and thought over these enigmatical figures with all my might, and I blinked my eyes reflectingly, as if I was studying this matter sharply, but I had to give it up. These five ounces of cheese finished me completely; it was as if something snapped within my forehead. But yet, to give the impression that I still worked out my calculation, I moved my lips and muttered a number aloud, all the while sliding farther and farther down the reckoning as if I were steadily coming to a result. She sat and waited. At last I said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, now, I have gone through it from first to last, and there is really no mistake, as far as I can see.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Isn't there?&#034; replied the woman, &#034;isn't there really?&#034; But I saw well that she did not believe me, and she seemed all at once to throw a dash of contempt into her words, a slightly careless tone that I had never heard from her before. She remarked that perhaps I was not accustomed to reckon in sixteenths; she mentioned also that she must only apply to some one who had a knowledge of sixteenths, to get the account properly revised. She said all this, not in any hurtful way to make me feel ashamed, but thoughtfully and seriously. When she got as far as the door, she said, without looking at me:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Excuse me for taking up your time then.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Off she went.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A moment after, the door opened again, and she re-entered. She could hardly have gone much farther than the stairs before she had turned back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;That's true,&#034; said she; &#034;you mustn't take it amiss; but there is a little owing to me from you now, isn't there? Wasn't it three weeks yesterday since you came?&#034; Yes, I thought it was. &#034;It isn't so easy to keep things going with such a big family, so that I can't give lodging on credit, more's the . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stopped her. &#034;I am working at an article that I think I told you about before,&#034; said I, &#034;and as soon as ever that is finished, you shall have your money; you can make yourself quite easy. . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; but you'll never get that article finished, though.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Do you think that? Maybe the spirit will move me to-morrow, or perhaps already, to-night; it isn't at all impossible but that it may move me some time to-night, and then my article will be completed in a quarter of an hour at the outside. You see, it isn't with my work as with other people's; I can't sit down and get a certain amount finished in a day. I have just to wait for the right moment, and no one can tell the day or hour when the spirit may move one&#8212;it must have its own time. . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My landlady went, but her confidence in me was evidently much shaken.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As soon as I was left alone I jumped up and tore my hair in despair. No, in spite of all, there was really no salvation for me&#8212;no salvation! My brain was bankrupt! Had I then really turned into a complete dolt since I could not even add up the price of a piece of Dutch cheese? But could it be possible I had lost my senses when I could stand and put such questions to myself? Had not I, into the bargain, right in the midst of my efforts with the reckoning, made the lucid observation that my landlady was in the family way? I had no reason for knowing it, no one had told me anything about it, neither had it occurred to me gratuitously. I sat and saw it with my own eyes, and I understood it at once, right at a despairing moment where I sat and added up sixteenths. How could I explain this to myself?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I went to the window and gazed out; it looked out into Vognmandsgade. Some children were playing down on the pavement; poorly dressed children in the middle of a poor street. They tossed an empty bottle between them and screamed shrilly. A load of furniture rolled slowly by; it must belong to some dislodged family, forced to change residence between &#034;flitting time&#8221;.&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb6&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;&#034;flitting time&#8221; &#8211; in Norway, 14th of March and October.&#034; id=&#034;nh6&#034;&gt;6&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; This struck me at once. Bed-clothes and furniture were heaped on the float, moth-eaten beds and chests of drawers, red-painted chairs with three legs, mats, old iron, and tin-ware. A little girl&#8212;a mere child, a downright ugly youngster, with a running cold in her nose&#8212;sat up on top of the load, and held fast with her poor little blue hands in order not to tumble off. She sat on a heap of frightfully stained mattresses, that children must have lain on, and looked down at the urchins who were tossing the empty bottle to one another. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stood gazing at all this; I had no difficulty in apprehending everything that passed before me. Whilst I stood there at the window and observed this, I could hear my landlady's servant singing in the kitchen right alongside of my room. I knew the air she was singing, and I listened to hear if she would sing false, and I said to myself that an idiot could not have done all this. I was, God be praised, as right in my senses as any man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly, I saw two of the children down in the street fire up and begin to abuse one another. Two little boys; I recognised one of them; he was my landlady's son. I open the window to hear what they are saying to one another, and immediately a flock of children crowded together under my window, and looked wistfully up. What did they expect? That something would be thrown down? Withered flowers, bones, cigar ends, or one thing or another, that they could amuse themselves with? They looked up with their frost-pinched faces and unspeakably wistful eyes. In the meantime, the two small foes continued to revile one another.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Words like great buzzing noxious insects swarm out of their childish mouths; frightful nicknames, thieves' slang, sailors' oaths, that they perhaps had learnt down on the wharf; and they are both so engaged that they do not notice my landlady, who rushes out to see what is going on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes,&#034; explains her son, &#034;he catched me by the throat; I couldn't breathe for ever so long,&#034; and turning upon the little man who is the cause of the quarrel, and who is standing grinning maliciously at him, he gets perfectly furious, and yells, &#034;Go to hell, Chaldean ass that you are! To think such vermin as you should catch folk by the throat I will, may the Lord . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the mother, this pregnant woman, who dominates the whole street with her size, answers the ten-year-old child, as she seizes him by the arm and tries to drag him in:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Sh&#8212;sh. Hold your jaw! I just like to hear the way you swear, too, as if you had been in a brothel for years. Now, in with you.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, I won't&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, you will.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, I won't&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stand up in the window and see that the mother's temper is rising; this disagreeable scene excites me frightfully. I can't endure it any longer. I call down to the boy to come up to me for a minute; I call twice, just to distract them&#8212;to change the scene. The last time I call very loudly, and the mother turns round flurriedly and looks up at me. She regains her self-possession at once, looks insolently at me, nay, downright maliciously, and enters the house with a chiding remark to her offspring. She talks loudly, so that I may hear it, and says to him, &#034;Fie, you ought to be ashamed of yourself to let people see how naughty you are.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Of all this that I stood there and observed not one thing, not even one little accessory detail, was lost on me; my attention was acutely keen; I absorbed carefully every little thing as I stood and thought out my own thought, about each thing according as it occurred. So it was impossible that there could be anything the matter with my brain. How could there, in this case, be anything the matter with it?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Listen; do you know what, said I all at once to myself, that you have been worrying yourself long enough about your brain, giving yourself no end of worry in this matter? Now, there must be an end to this tomfoolery. Is it a sign of insanity to notice and apprehend everything as accurately as you do? You make me almost laugh at you, I reply. To my mind it is not without its humorous side, if I am any judge of such a case. Why, it happens to every man that he once in a way sticks fast, and that, too, just with the simplest question. It is of no significance, it is often a pure accident. As I have remarked before, I am on the point of having a good laugh at your expense. As far as that huckster account is concerned, that paltry five-sixteenths of man's cheese, I can happily dub it so. Ha, ha!&#8212;a cheese with cloves and pepper in it; upon my word, a cheese in which, to put the matter plainly, one could breed maggots. As far as that ridiculous cheese is concerned, it might happen to the cleverest fellow in the world to be puzzled over it! Why, the smell of the cheese was enough to finish a man; . . . and I made the greatest fun of this and all other Dutch cheeses. . . . No; set me to reckon up something really eatable, said I&#8212;set me, if you like, at five-sixteenths of good dairy butter. That is another matter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I laughed feverishly at my own whim, and found it peculiarly diverting. There was positively no longer anything the matter with me. I was in good form&#8212;was, so to say, still in the best of form; I had a level head, nothing was wanting there, God be praised and thanked! My mirth rose in measure as I paced the floor and communed with myself. I laughed aloud, and felt amazingly glad. Besides, it really seemed, too, as if I only needed this little happy hour, this moment of airy rapture, without a care on any side, to get my head into working order once more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I seated myself at the table, and set to work at my allegory; it progressed swimmingly, better than it had done for a long time; not very fast, 'tis true, but it seemed to me that what I did was altogether first-rate. I worked, too, for the space of an hour without getting tired.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I am sitting working at a most crucial point in this Allegory of a Conflagration in a Bookshop. It appears to me so momentous a point, that all the rest I have written counted as nothing in comparison. I was, namely, just about to weave in, in a downright profound way, this thought. It was not books that were burning, it was brains, human brains; and I intended to make a perfect Bartholomew's night of these burning brains.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly my door was flung open with a jerk and in much haste; my landlady came sailing in. She came straight over to the middle of the room, she did not even pause on the threshold.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I gave a little hoarse cry; it was just as if I had received a blow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What?&#034; said she, &#034;I thought you said something. We have got a traveller, and we must have this room for him. You will have to sleep downstairs with us to-night. Yes; you can have a bed to yourself there too.&#034; And before she got my answer, she began, without further ceremony, to bundle my papers together on the table, and put the whole of them into a state of dire confusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My happy mood was blown to the winds; I stood up at once, in anger and despair. I let her tidy the table, and said nothing, never uttered a syllable. She thrust all the papers into my hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was nothing else for me to do. I was forced to leave the room. And so this precious moment was spoilt also. I met the new traveller already on the stairs: a young man with great blue anchors tatooed on the backs of his hands. A quay porter followed him, bearing a sea-chest on his shoulders. He was evidently a sailor, a casual traveller for the night; he would therefore not occupy my room for any lengthened period. Perhaps, too, I might be lucky to-morrow when the man had left, and have one of my moments again; I only needed an inspiration for five minutes, and my essay on the conflagration would be completed. Well, I should have to submit to fate.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had not been inside the family rooms before, this one common room in which they all lived, both day and night the husband, wife, wife's father, and four children. The servant lived in the kitchen, where she also slept at night. I approached the door with much repugnance, and knocked. No one answered, yet I heard voices inside.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The husband did not speak as I stepped in, did not acknowledge my nod even, merely glanced at me carelessly, as if I were no concern of his. Besides, he was sitting playing cards with a person I had seen down on the quays, with the by-name of &#034;Pane o' glass.&#034; An infant lay and prattled to itself over in the bed, and an old man, the landlady's father, sat doubled together on a settle-bed, and bent his head down over his hands as if his chest or stomach pained him. His hair was almost white, and he looked in his crouching position like a poke-necked reptile that sat cocking its ears at something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I come, worse luck, to beg for house-room down here to-night,&#034; I said to the man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Did my wife say so?&#034; he inquired.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; a new lodger came to my room.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To this the man made no reply, but proceeded to finger the cards. There this man sat, day after day, and played cards with anybody who happened to come in&#8212;played for nothing, only just to kill time, and have something in hand. He never did anything else, only moved just as much as his lazy limbs felt inclined, whilst his wife bustled up and down stairs, was occupied on all sides, and took care to draw customers to the house. She had put herself in connection with quay-porters and dock-men, to whom she paid a certain sum for every new lodger they brought her, and she often gave them, in addition, a shelter for the night. This time it was &#034;Pane o' glass&#034; that had just brought along the new lodger.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A couple of the children came in&#8212;two little girls, with thin, freckled, gutter-snipe faces; their clothes were positively wretched. A while after the landlady herself entered. I asked her where she intended to put me up for the night, and she replied that I could lie in here together with the others, or out in the ante-room on the sofa, as I thought fit. Whilst she answered me she fussed about the room and busied herself with different things that she set in order, and she never once looked at me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My spirits were crushed by her reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stood down near the door, and made myself small, tried to make it appear as if I were quite content all the same to change my room for another for one night's sake. I put on a friendly face on purpose not to irritate her and perhaps be hustled right out of the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah, yes,&#034; I said, &#034;there is sure to be some way!&#034; and then held my tongue.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She still bustled about the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;For that matter, I may as well just tell you that I can't afford to give people credit for their board and lodging,&#034; said she, &#034;and I told you that before, too.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; but, my dear woman, it is only for these few days, until I get my article finished,&#034; I answered, &#034;and I will willingly give you an extra five shillings&#8212;willingly.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But she had evidently no faith in my article, I could see that; and I could not afford to be proud, and leave the house, just for a slight mortification; I knew what awaited me if I went out.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#183;	&#183;	&#183;	&#183;	&#183;	&#183;	&#183;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A few days passed over.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I still associated with the family below, for it was too cold in the ante-room where there was no stove. I slept, too, at night on the floor of the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The strange sailor continued to lodge in my room, and did not seem like moving very quickly. At noon, too, my landlady came in and related how he had paid her a month in advance, and, besides, he was going to take his first-mate's examination before leaving, that was why he was staying in town. I stood and listened to this, and understood that my room was lost to me for ever.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I went out to the ante-room, and sat down. If I were lucky enough to get anything written, it would have perforce to be here where it was quiet. It was no longer the allegory that occupied me; I had got a new idea, a perfectly splendid plot; I would compose a one-act drama&#8212;&#034;The Sign of the Cross.&#034; Subject taken from the Middle Ages. I had especially thought out everything in connection with the principal characters: a magnificently fanatical harlot who had sinned in the temple, not from weakness or desire, but for hate against heaven; sinned right at the foot of the altar, with the altar-cloth under her head, just out of delicious contempt for heaven.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I grew more and more obsessed by this creation as the hours went on. She stood at last, palpably, vividly embodied before my eyes, and was exactly as I wished her to appear. Her body was to be deformed and repulsive, tall, very lean, and rather dark; and, when she walked, her long limbs should gleam through her draperies at every stride she took. She was also to have large outstanding ears. Curtly, she was nothing for the eye to dwell upon, barely endurable to look at. What interested me in her was her wonderful shamelessness, the desperately full measure of calculated sin which she had committed. She really occupied me too much, my brain was absolutely inflated by this singular monstrosity of a creature, and I worked for two hours, without a pause, at my drama. When I had finished half-a-score of pages, perhaps twelve, often with much effort, at times with long intervals, in which I wrote in vain and had to tear the page in two, I had become tired, quite stiff with cold and fatigue, and I arose and went out into the street. For the last half-hour, too, I had been disturbed by the crying of the children inside the family room, so that I could not, in any case, have written any more just then. So I took a long time up over Drammensveien, and stayed away till the evening, pondering incessantly, as I walked along, as to how I would continue my drama. Before I came home in the evening of this day, the following happened:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stood outside a shoemaker's shop far down in Carl Johann Street, almost at the railway square. God knows why I stood just outside this shoemaker's shop. I looked into the window as I stood there, but did not, by the way, remember that I needed shoes then; my thoughts were far away in other parts of the world. A swarm of people talking together passed behind my back, and I heard nothing of what was said. Then a voice greeted me loudly:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-evening.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was &#034;Missy&#034; who bade me good-evening! I answered at random, I looked at him, too, for a while, before I recognised him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, how are you getting along?&#034; he inquired.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, always well &#8230; as usual.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;By the way, tell me,&#034; said he, &#034;are you, then, still with Christie?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Christie?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I thought you once said you were book-keeper at Christie's?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ah, yes. No; that is done with. It was impossible to get along with that fellow; that came to an end very quickly of its own accord.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Why so?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, I happened to make a mis-entry one day, and so&#8212;&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;A false entry, eh?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
False entry! There stood &#034;Missy,&#034; and asked me straight in the face if I had done this thing. He even asked eagerly, and evidently with much interest. I looked at him, felt deeply insulted, and made no reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, well, Lord! that might happen to the best fellow,&#034; he said, as if to console me. He still believed I had made a false entry designedly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What is it that, 'Yes, well, Lord! indeed might happen to the best fellow'?&#034; I inquired. &#034;To do that. Listen, my good man. Do you stand there and really believe that I could for a moment be guilty of such a mean trick as that? I!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But, my dear fellow, I thought I heard you distinctly say that.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; I said that I had made a mis-entry once, a bagatelle; if you want to know, a false date on a letter, a single stroke of the pen wrong&#8212;that was my whole crime. No, God be praised, I can tell right from wrong yet a while. How would it fare with me if I were, into the bargain, to sully my honour? It is simply my sense of honour that keeps me afloat now. But it is strong enough too; at least, it has kept me up to date.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I threw back my head, turned away from &#034;Missy,&#034; and looked down the street. My eyes rested on a red dress that came towards us; on a woman at a man's side. If I had not had this conversation with &#034;Missy,&#034; I would not have been hurt by his coarse suspicion, and I would not have given this toss of my head, as I turned away in offence; and so perhaps this red dress would have passed me without my having noticed it. And at bottom what did it concern me? What was it to me if it were the dress of the Hon. Miss Nagel, the lady-in-waiting? &#034;Missy&#034; stood and talked, and tried to make good his mistake again. I did not listen to him at all; I stood the whole time and stared at the red dress that was coming nearer up the street, and a stir thrilled through my breast, a gliding delicate dart, I whispered in thought without moving my lips:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ylajali!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now &#034;Missy&#034; turned round also and noticed the two&#8212;the lady and the man with her,&#8212;raised his hat to them, and followed them with his eyes. I did not raise my hat, or perhaps I did unconsciously. The red dress glided up Carl Johann, and disappeared.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Who was it was with her?&#034; asked &#034;Missy.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;The Duke, didn't you see? The so-called 'Duke.' Did you know the lady?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, in a sort of way. Didn't &lt;i&gt;you&lt;/i&gt; know her?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No,&#034; I replied.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;It appears to me you saluted profoundly enough.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Did I?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Ha, ha! perhaps you didn't,&#034; said &#034;Missy.&#034; &#034;Well, that is odd. Why, it was only at you she looked, too, the whole time.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;When did you get to know her?&#034; I asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He did not really know her. It dated from an evening in autumn. It was late; they were three jovial souls together, they came out late from the Grand, and met this being going along alone past Cammermeyers, and they addressed her. At first she answered rebuffingly; but one of the jovial spirits, a man who neither feared fire nor water, asked her right to her face if he might not have the civilised enjoyment of accompanying her home? He would, by the Lord, not hurt a hair on her head, as the saying goes&#8211;only go with her to her door, reassure himself that she reached home in safety, otherwise he could not rest all night. He talked incessantly as they went along, hit upon one thing or another, dubbed himself Waldemar Atterdag, and represented himself as a photographer. At last she was obliged to laugh at this merry soul who refused to be rebuffed by her coldness, and it finally ended by his going with her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Indeed, did it? and what came of it?&#034; I inquired; and I held my breath for his reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Came of it? Oh, stop there; there is a lady in question.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We both kept silent a moment, both &#034;Missy&#034; and I.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, I'm hanged, was that 'the Duke'? So that's what he looks like,&#034; he added, reflectively. &#034;Well, if she is in contact with that fellow; well, then, I wouldn't like to answer for her.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I still kept silent. Yes, of course &#034;the Duke&#034; would make the pace with her. Well, what odds? How did it concern me? I bade her good-day with all her wiles: a good-day I bade her; and I tried to console myself by thinking the worst thoughts about her; took a downright pleasure in dragging her through the mire. It only annoyed me to think that I had doffed my hat to the pair, if I really had done so. Why should I raise my hat to such people? I did not care for her any longer, certainly not; she was no longer in the very slightest degree lovely to me; she had fallen off. Ah, the devil knows how soiled I found her! It might easily have been the case that it was only me she looked at; I was not in the least astounded at that; it might be regret that began to stir in her. But that was no reason for me to go and lower myself and salute, like a fool, especially when she had become so seriously besmirched of late. &#034;The Duke&#034; was welcome to her; I wish him joy! The day might come when I would just take into my head to pass her haughtily by without glancing once towards her. Ay, it might happen that I would venture to do this, even if she were to gaze straight into my eyes, and have a blood-red gown on into the bargain. It might very easily happen! Ha, ha! that would be a triumph. If I knew myself aright, I was quite capable of completing my drama during the course of the night, and, before eight days had flown, I would have brought this young lady to her knees&#8212;with all her charms, ha, ha! with all her charms. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-bye,&#034; I muttered, shortly; but &#034;Missy&#034; held me back. He queried:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But what do you do all day now?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Do? I write, naturally. What else should I do? Is it not that I live by? For the moment, I am working at a great drama, 'The Sign of the Cross.' Theme taken from the Middle Ages.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;By Jove!&#034; exclaimed &#034;Missy,&#034; seriously. &#034;Well, if you succeed with that, why . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I have no great anxiety on that score,&#034; I replied. &#034;In eight days' time or so, I think you and all the other folks will have heard a little more of me.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With that I left him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When I got home I applied at once to my landlady, and requested a lamp. It was of the utmost importance to me to get this lamp; I would not go to bed to-night; my drama was raging in my brain, and I hoped so surely to be able to write a good portion of it before morning. I put forward my request very humbly to her, as I had noticed that she made a dissatisfied face on my re-entering the sitting-room. I said that I had almost completed a remarkable drama, only a couple of scenes were wanting; and I hinted that it might be produced in some theatre or another, in no time. If she would only just render me this great service now. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But madam had no lamp. She considered a bit, but could not call to mind that she had a lamp in any place. If I liked to wait until after twelve o'clock, I might perhaps get the kitchen lamp. Why didn't I buy myself a candle?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I held my tongue. I hadn't a farthing to buy a candle, and she knew that right well. Of course I was foiled again! The servant-girl sat inside with us&#8212;simply sat in the sitting-room, and was not in the kitchen at all; so that the lamp up there was not even lit. And I stood and thought over this, but said no more. Suddenly the girl remarked to me:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I thought I saw you come out of the palace a while ago; were you at a dinner party?&#034; and she laughed loudly at this jest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sat down, took out my papers, and attempted to write something here, in the meantime. I held the paper on my knees, and gazed persistently at the floor to avoid being distracted by anything; but it helped not a whit; nothing helped me; I got no farther. The landlady's two little girls came in and made a row with a cat&#8212;a queer, sick cat that had scarcely a hair on it; they blew into its eyes until water sprang out of them and trickled down its nose. The landlord and a couple of others sat at a table and played &lt;i&gt;cent et un&lt;/i&gt;. The wife alone was busy as ever, and sat and sewed at some garment. She saw well that I could not write anything in the midst of all this disturbance; but she troubled herself no more about me; she even smiled when the servant-girl asked me if I had been out to dine. The whole household had become hostile towards me. It was as if I had only needed the disgrace of being obliged to resign my room to a stranger to be treated as a man of no account. Even the servant, a little, brown-eyed street-wench, with a big fringe over her forehead, and a perfectly flat bosom, poked fun at me in the evening when I got my ration of bread and butter. She inquired perpetually where, then, was I in the habit of dining, as she had never seen me picking my teeth outside the Grand? It was clear that she was aware of my wretched circumstances, and took a pleasure in letting me know of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I fall suddenly into thought over all this, and am not able to find a solitary speech for my drama. Time upon time I seek in vain; a strange buzzing begins inside my head, and I give it up. I thrust the papers into my pocket, and look up. The girl is sitting straight opposite me. I look at her&#8212;look at her narrow back and drooping shoulders, that are not yet fully developed. What business was it of hers to fly at me? Even supposing I did come out of the palace, what then? Did it harm her in any way? She had laughed insolently in the past few days at me, when I was a bit awkward and stumbled on the stairs, or caught fast on a nail and tore my coat. It was no later than yesterday that she gathered up my rough copy, that I had thrown aside in the ante-room&#8212;stolen these rejected fragments of my drama, and read them aloud in the room here; made fun of them in everyone's hearing, just to amuse herself at my expense. I had never molested her in any way, and could not recall that I had ever asked her to do me a service. On the contrary, I made up my bed on the floor in the ante-room myself, in order not to give her any trouble with it. She made fun of me, too, because my hair fell out. Hair lay and floated about in the basin I washed in in the mornings, and she made merry over it. Then my shoes, too, had grown rather shabby of late, particularly the one that had been run over by the bread-van, and she found subject for jesting in them. &#034;God bless you and your shoes!&#034; said she, looking at them; &#034;they are as wide as a dog's house.&#034; And she was right; they were trodden out. But then I couldn't procure myself any others just at present.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Whilst I sit and call all this to mind, and marvel over the evident malice of the servant, the little girls have begun to tease the old man over in the bed; they are jumping around him, fully bent on this diversion. They both found a straw, which they poked into his ears. I looked on at this for a while, and refrained from interfering. The old fellow did not move a finger to defend himself; he only looked at his tormentors with furious eyes each time they prodded him, and jerked his head to escape when the straws were already in his ears. I got more and more irritated at this sight, and could not keep my eyes away from it. The father looked up from his cards, and laughed at the youngsters; he also drew the attention of his comrades at play to what was going on. Why didn't the old fellow move? Why didn't he fling the children aside with his arms? I took a stride, and approached the bed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Let them alone! let them alone! he is paralysed,&#034; called the landlord.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And out of fear to be shown the door for the night, simply out of fear of rousing the man's displeasure by interfering with this scene, I stepped back silently to my old place and kept myself quiet. Why should I risk my lodging and my portion of bread and butter by poking my nose into the family squabbles? No idiotic pranks for the sake of a half-dying old man, and I stood and felt as delightfully hard as a flint.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The little urchins did not cease their plaguing; it amused them that the old chap could not hold his head quiet, and they aimed at his eyes and nostrils. He stared at them with a ludicrous expression; he said nothing, and could not stir his arms. Suddenly he raised the upper part of his body a little and spat in the face of one of the little girls, drew himself up again and spat at the other, but did not reach her. I stood and looked on, saw that the landlord flung the cards on the table at which he sat, and sprang over towards the bed. His face was flushed, and he shouted:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Will you sit and spit right into people's eyes, you old boar?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But, good Lord, he got no peace from them!&#034; I cried, beside myself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But all the time I stood in fear of being turned out, and I certainly did not utter my protest with any particular force; I only trembled over my whole body with irritation. He turned towards me, and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Eh, listen to him, then. What the devil is it to you? You just keep your tongue in your jaw, you&#8212;just mark what I tell you, 'twill serve you best.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But now the wife's voice made itself heard, and the house was filled with scolding and railing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;May God help me, but I think you are mad or possessed, the whole pack of you!&#034; she shrieked. &#034;If you want to stay in here you'll have to be quiet, both of you! Humph! it isn't enough that one is to keep open house and food for vermin, but one is to have sparring and rowing and the devil's own to-do in the sitting-room as well. But I won't have any more of it, not if I know it. Sh&#8212;h! Hold your tongues, you brats there, and wipe your noses, too; if you don't, I'll come and do it. I never saw the like of such people. Here they walk in out of the street, without even a penny to buy flea-powder, and begin to kick up rows in the middle of the night and quarrel with the people who own the house. I don't mean to have any more of it, do you understand that? and you can go your way, everyone who doesn't belong home here. I am going to have peace in my own quarters, I am.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I said nothing, I never opened my mouth once. I sat down again next the door and listened to the noise. They all screamed together, even the children, and the girl who wanted to explain how the whole disturbance commenced. If I only kept quiet, it would all blow over sometime; it would surely not come to the worst if I only did not utter a word; and what word after all could I have to say? Was it not perhaps winter outside, and far advanced into the night, besides? Was that a time to strike a blow, and show one could hold one's own? No folly now! . . . So I sat still and made no attempt to leave the house; I never even blushed at keeping silent, never felt ashamed, although I had almost been shown the door. I stared coolly, case-hardened, at the wall where Christ hung in an oleograph, and held my tongue obstinately during all the landlady's attack.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, if it is me you want to get quit of, ma'am, there will be nothing in the way as far as I am concerned,&#034; said one of the card-players as he stood up. The other card-players rose as well.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, I didn't mean you&#8212;nor you either,&#034; replied the landlady to them. &#034;If there's any need to, I will show well enough who I mean, if there's the least need to, if I know myself rightly. Oh, it will be shown quick enough who it is. . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She talked with pauses, gave me these thrusts at short intervals, and spun it out to make it clearer and clearer that it was me she meant. &#034;Quiet,&#034; said I to myself; &#034;only keep quiet!&#034; She had not asked me to go&#8212;not expressly, not in plain words. Just no putting on side on my part&#8212;no untimely pride! Brave it out! . . . That was really most singular green hair on that Christ in the oleograph. It was not too unlike green grass, or expressed with exquisite exactitude thick meadow grass. Ha! a perfectly correct remark&#8212;unusually thick meadow grass. . . . A train of fleeting ideas darts at this moment through my head. From green grass to the text, Each life is like unto grass that is kindled; from that to the Day of Judgment, when all will be consumed; then a little detour down to the earthquake in Lisbon, about which something floated before me in reference to a brass Spanish spitoon and an ebony pen handle that I had seen down at Ylajali's. Ah, yes, all was transitory, just like grass that was kindled. It all ended in four planks and a winding-sheet. &#034;Winding-sheets to be had from Miss Andersen's, on the right of the door.&#034; . . . And all this was tossed about in my head during the despairing moment when my landlady was about to thrust me from her door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;He doesn't hear,&#034; she yelled. &#034;I tell you, you'll quit this house. Now you know it! I believe, God blast me, that the man is mad, I do! Now, out you go, on the blessed spot, and so no more chat about it.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I looked towards the door, not in order to leave&#8212;no, certainly not in order to leave. An audacious notion seized me&#8212;if there had been a key in the door, I would have turned it and locked myself in along with the rest to escape going. I had a perfectly hysterical dread of going out into the streets again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But there was no key in the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then, suddenly my landlord's voice mingled with that of his wife, I stood still with amazement. The same man who had threatened me a while ago took my part, strangely enough, now. He said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, it won't do to turn folk out at night; do you know one can be punished for doing that?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I didn't know if there was a punishment for that; I couldn't say, but perhaps it was so,&#034; and the wife bethought herself quickly, grew quiet, and spoke no more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She placed two pieces of bread and butter before me for supper, but I did not touch them, just out of gratitude to the man; so I pretended that I had had a little food in town.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When at length I took myself off to the ante-room to go to bed, she came out after me, stopped on the threshold, and said loudly, whilst her unsightly figure seemed to strut out towards me:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;But this is the last night you sleep here, so now you know it.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, yes,&#034; I replied.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There would perhaps be some way of finding a shelter to-morrow, if I tried hard for it. I would surely be able to find some hiding-place. For the time being I would rejoice that I was not obliged to go out to-night.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I slept till between five and six in the morning&#8212;it was not yet light when I awoke&#8212;but all the same I got up at once. I had lain in all my clothes on account of the cold, and had no dressing to do. When I had drunk a little cold water and opened the door quietly, I went out directly, for I was afraid to face my landlady again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A couple of policemen who had been on watch all night were the only living beings I saw in the street. A while after, some men began to extinguish the lamps. I wandered about without aim or end, reached Kirkegade and the road down towards the fortress. Cold and still sleepy, weak in the knees and back after my long walk, and very hungry, I sat down on a seat and dozed for a long time. For three weeks I had lived exclusively on the bread and butter that my landlady had given me morning and evening. Now it was twenty-four hours since I had had my last meal. Hunger began to gnaw badly at me again; I must seek a help for it right quickly. With this thought I fell asleep again upon the seat &#8230;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was aroused by the sound of people speaking near me, and when I had collected myself a little, I saw that it was broad day, and that everyone was up and about. I got up and walked away. The sun burst over the heights, the sky was pale and tender, and in my delight over the lovely morning, after the many dark gloomy weeks, I forgot all cares, and it seemed to me as if I had fared worse on other occasions. I clapped myself on the chest and sang a little snatch for myself. My voice sounded so wretched, downright exhausted it sounded, and I moved myself to tears with it. This magnificent day, the white heavens swimming in light, had far too mighty an effect upon me, and I burst into loud weeping.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What is the matter with you?&#034; inquired a man. I did not answer, but hurried away, hiding my face from all men. I reached the bridge. A large barque with the Russian flag lay and discharged coal. I read her name, &lt;i&gt;Cop&#233;goro&lt;/i&gt;, on her side. It distracted me for a time to watch what took place on board this foreign ship. She must be almost discharged; she lay with IX foot visible on her side, in spite of all the ballast she had already taken in, and there was a hollow boom through the whole ship whenever the coal-heavers stamped on the deck with their heavy boots.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The sun, the light, and the salt breath from the sea, all this busy, merry life pulled me together a bit, and caused my blood to run lustily. Suddenly it entered my head that I could work at a few scenes of my drama whilst I sat here, and I took my papers out of my pocket.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I tried to place a speech into a monk's mouth&#8212;a speech that ought to swell with pride and intolerance, but it was of no use; so I skipped over the monk and tried to work out an oration&#8212;the Deemster's oration to the violator of the Temple,&#8212;and I wrote half-a-page of this oration, upon which I stopped. The right local colour would not tinge my words, the bustle about me, the shanties, the noise of the gangways, and the ceaseless rattle of the iron chains, fitted in so little with the atmosphere of the musty air of the dim Middle Ages, that was to envelop my drama as with a mist.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I bundled my papers together and got up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All the same, I had got into a happy vein&#8212;a grand vein,&#8212;and I felt convinced that I could effect something if all went well.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If I only had a place to go to. I thought over it&#8212;stopped right there in the street and pondered, but I could not bring to mind a single quiet spot in the town where I could seat myself for an hour. There was no other way open; I would have to go back to the lodging-house in Vaterland. I shrank at the thought of it, and I told myself all the while that it would not do. I went ahead all the same, and approached nearer and nearer to the forbidden spot. Of course it was wretched. I admitted to myself that it was degrading&#8211;downright degrading, but there was no help for it. I was not in the least proud; I dared make the assertion roundly, that I was one of the least arrogant beings up to date. I went ahead.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I pulled up at the door and weighed it over once more. Yes, no matter what the result was, I would have to dare it. After all said and done, what a bagatelle to make such a fuss about. For the first, it was only a matter of a couple of hours; for the second, the Lord forbid that I should ever seek refuge in such a house again. I entered the yard. Even whilst I was crossing the uneven stones I was irresolute, and almost turned round at the very door. I clenched my teeth. No! no pride! At the worst I could excuse myself by saying I had come to say good-bye, to make a proper adieu, and come to a clear understanding about my debt to the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I opened the door of the long room. I entered and stood stock-still when I got inside. Right in front of me, only a few paces away, stood the landlord himself. He was without hat or coat, and was peeping through the keyhole into the family room. He made a sign, a warning sign with his hand to me to keep quiet, and peeped again through the hole.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Come here,&#034; he whispered. I approached on tip-toe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Look there,&#034; he said, and laughed with a quiet, eager laugh. &#034;Peep in! Hi, hi! there they are! Look at the old chap! Can you see the old chap?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the bed under the Christ in oleograph I saw two figures, the landlady and the strange sailor: her legs gleamed whitely against the dark coverlid, and in bed against the wall sat her father, the paralysed old man, and looked on, bending over his hands, crouched together as always, without being able to move.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I turned round towards my landlord. He had the greatest trouble to keep himself from laughing out loudly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Did you see the old chap?&#034; he whispered. &#034;Ah Lord! did you see the old chap? He is sitting looking on,&#034; and he placed himself once more before the keyhole.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I went over to the window, and sat down. This sight had brought all my thoughts into merciless disorder, and put an end to my bright mood. Well, what concern was it of mine? When the husband himself agreed to it, ay, even found his greatest diversion in it, there was no reason why I should take it to heart. And as far as the old fellow was concerned, well, the old fellow was, once for all, an old fellow, and no more. Perhaps he didn't even notice it. Maybe that he just sat and dozed. God knows, he may have been dead; it would not surprise me in the least if he were dead; I would have no scruples of conscience on this score.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I took forth my papers once more, and determined to thrust all irrelevant impressions aside. I had left off right in the middle of a sentence in the inquisitor's address&#8211;&#034;Thus dictate God and the law to me, thus dictates also the counsel of my wise men, thus dictate I and my own conscience &#8230;&#034; I looked out of the window to think over what his conscience should dictate to him. A little row reached me from the room inside. Well, it was no affair of mine, anyway. Besides, the old chap was surely dead&#8211;died perhaps this morning about four; it was therefore entirely and totally indifferent to me what noise arose. Why the devil should I sit thinking about it? Keep quiet now! &#034;Thus dictate I and my own conscience &#8230;&#034; But everything conspired against me; the man over at the keyhole did not stand quiet a second. I could now and then hear his stifled laughter, and see how he shook. Outside in the street, too, something was taking place that disturbed me. A little lad sat and amused himself in the sun on the opposite side of the pavement. He was happy and in fear of no danger&#8212;just sat and knotted together a lot of paper streamers, and injured no one. Suddenly he jumps up and begins to curse; he goes backwards to the middle of the street and catches sight of a man, a grown-up man, with a red beard, who is leaning out of an open window in the second storey, and who spat down on his head. The little chap cried with rage, and swore impatiently up at the window; and the man laughed in his face. Perhaps five minutes passed in this way. I turned aside to avoid seeing the little lad's tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Thus dictate I and my own conscience . . .&#034; I found it impossible to get any farther. At last everything began to get confused; it seemed to me that even that which I had already written was unfit to use, ay, that the whole idea was contemptible rubbish. How could one possibly talk of conscience in the Middle Ages? Conscience was first invented by Dancing-master Shakespeare, consequently my whole address was wrong. Was there, then, nothing of value in these pages? I ran through them anew, and solved my doubt at once. I discovered grand pieces&#8212;downright lengthy pieces of remarkable merit&#8212;and once again the intoxicating desire to set to work again darted through my breast the&#8212;desire to finish my drama.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I got up and went to the door, without paying any attention to my landlord's furious signs to go out quietly; I walked out of the room firmly, and with my mind made up. I went upstairs to the second floor, and entered my former room. The man was not there, and what was to hinder me from sitting here for a moment? I would not touch one of his things. I wouldn't even once use his table; I would just seat myself on a chair near the door, and be happy. I spread the papers hurriedly out on my knees. Things went splendidly for a few minutes. Retort upon retort stood ready in my head, and I wrote uninterruptedly. I filled one page after the other, dashed ahead over stock and stone, chuckled softly in ecstacy over my happy vein, and was scarcely conscious of myself. The only sound I heard in this moment was my own merry chuckle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A singularly happy idea had just struck me about a church bell&#8212;a church bell that was to peal out at a certain point in my drama. All was going ahead with overwhelming rapidity. Then I hear a step on the stairs. I tremble, and am almost beside myself; sit ready to bolt, timorous, watchful, full of fear at everything, and excited by hunger. I listen nervously, just hold the pencil still in my hand, and listen. I cannot write a word more. The door opens, and the pair from below enter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Even before I had time to make an excuse for what I had done, the landlady calls out, as if struck of a heap with amazement:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, God bless and save us, if he isn't sitting here again!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Excuse me,&#034; I said, and I would have added more, but got no farther; the landlady flung open the door, as far as it would go, and shrieked:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;If you don't go out, now, may God blast me, but I'll fetch the police!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I got up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I only wanted to say good-bye to you,&#034; I murmured; &#034;and I had to wait for you. I didn't touch anything; I only just sat here on the chair. . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes, yes; there was no harm in that,&#034; said the man. &#034;What the devil does it matter? Let the man alone; he&#8212;&#8212;&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
By this time I had reached the end of the stairs. All at once I got furious with this fat, swollen woman, who followed close to my heels to get rid of me quickly, and I stood quiet a moment with the worst abusive epithets on my tongue ready to sling at her. But I bethought myself in time, and held my peace, if only out of gratitude to the stranger man, who followed her, and would have to hear them. She trod close on my heels, railing incessantly, and my anger increased with every step I took.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We reached the yard below. I walked very slowly, still debating whether I would not have it out with her. I was at this moment completely blinded with rage, and I searched for the worst word&#8212;an expression that would strike her dead on the spot, like a kick in her stomach. A commissionaire passes me at the entrance. He touches his hat; I take no notice; he applies to her; and I hear that he inquires for me, but I do not turn round. A couple of steps outside the door he overtakes and stops me. He hands me an envelope. I tear it open, roughly and unwillingly. It contains half-a-sovereign&#8212;no note, not a word. I look at the man, and ask:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What tomfoolery is this? Who is the letter from?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Oh, that I can't say!&#034; he replies; &#034;but it was a lady who gave it to me.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stood still. The commissionaire left.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I put the coin into the envelope again, crumple it up, coin and envelope, wheel round and go straight towards the landlady, who is still keeping an eye on me from the doorway, and throw it in her face. I said nothing; I uttered no syllable&#8212;only noticed that she was examining the crumpled paper as I left her. . . . Ha! that is what one might call comporting oneself with dignity. Not to say a word, not to mention the contents, but crumple together, with perfect calmness, a large piece of money, and fling it straight in the face of one's persecutor! One might call that making one's exit with dignity. That was the way to treat such beasts! . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When I got to the corner of Tomtegaden and the railway place, the street commenced suddenly to swim round before my eyes; it buzzed vacantly in my head, and I staggered up against the wall of a house. I could simply go no farther, couldn't even straighten myself from the cramped position I was in. As I fell up against it, so I remained standing, and I felt that I was beginning to lose my senses. My insane anger had augmented this attack of exhaustion. I lifted my foot, and stamped on the pavement. I also tried several other things to try and regain my strength: I clenched my teeth, wrinkled my brows, and rolled my eyes despairingly; it helped a little. My thoughts grew more lucid. It was clear to me that I was about to succumb. I stretched out my hands, and pushed myself back from the wall. The street still danced wildly round me. I began to hiccough with rage, and I wrestled from my very inmost soul with my misery; made a right gallant effort not to sink down. It was not my intention to collapse; no, I would die standing. A dray rolls slowly by, and I notice there are potatoes in it; but out of sheer fury and stubbornness, I take it into my head to assert that they are not potatoes, but cabbages, and I swore frightful oaths that they were cabbages. I heard quite well what I was saying, and I swore this lie wittingly; repeating, time after time, just to have the vicious satisfaction of perjuring myself. I got intoxicated with the thought of this matchless sin of mine. I raised three fingers in the air, and swore, with trembling lips, in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, that they were cabbages.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Time went. I let myself sink down on the steps near me, and dried the sweat from my brow and throat, drew a couple of long breaths, and forced myself into calmness. The sun slid down; it declined towards the afternoon. I began once more to brood over my condition. My hunger was really something disgraceful, and, in a few hours more, night would be here again. The question was, to think of a remedy while there was yet time. My thoughts flew again to the lodging-house from which I had been hunted away. I could on no account return there; but yet one could not help thinking about it. Properly speaking, the woman was acting quite within her rights in turning me out. How could I expect to get lodging with anyone when I could not pay for it? Besides, she had occasionally given me a little food; even yesterday evening, after I had annoyed her, she offered me some bread and butter. She offered it to me out of sheer good nature, because she knew I needed it, so I had no cause to complain. I began, even whilst I sat there on the step, to ask her pardon in my own mind for my behaviour. Particularly, I regretted bitterly that I had shown myself ungrateful to her at the last, and thrown half-a-sovereign in her face. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Half-a-sovereign! I gave a whistle. The letter the messenger brought me, where did it come from? It was only this instant I thought clearly over this, and I divined at once how the whole thing hung together. I grew sick with pain and shame. I whispered &#034;Ylajali&#034; a few times, with hoarse voice, and flung back my head. Was it not I who, no later than yesterday, had decided to pass her proudly by if I met her, to treat her with the greatest indifference? Instead of that, I had only aroused her compassion, and coaxed an alms from her. No, no, no; there would never be an end to my degradation! Not even in her presence could I maintain a decent position. I sank, simply sank, on all sides&#8212;every way I turned; sank to my knees, sank to my waist, dived under in ignominy, never to rise again&#8212;never! This was the climax! To accept half-a-sovereign in alms without being able to fling it back to the secret donor; scramble for half-pence whenever the chance offered, and keep them, use them for lodging money, in spite of one's own intense inner aversion. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Could I not regain the half-sovereign in some way or another? To go back to the landlady and try to get it from her would be of no use. There must be some way, if I were to consider&#8212;if I were only to exert myself right well, and consider it over. It was not, in this case, great God, sufficient to consider in just an ordinary way! I must consider so that it penetrated my whole sentient being; consider and find some way to procure this half-sovereign. And I set to, to consider the answer to this problem.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It might be about four o'clock; in a few hours' time I could perhaps meet the manager of the theatre; if only I had my drama completed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I take out my MSS. there where I am sitting, and resolve, with might and main, to finish the last few scenes. I think until I sweat, and re-read from the beginning, but make no progress. No bosh! I say&#8212;no obstinacy, now! and I write away at my drama&#8212;write down everything that strikes me, just to get finished quickly and be able to go away. I tried to persuade myself that a new supreme moment had seized me; I lied right royally to myself, deceived myself knowingly, and wrote on, as if I had no need to seek for words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That is capital! That is really a find! whispered I, interpolatingly; only just write it down! Halt! they sound questionable; they contrast rather strongly with the speeches in the first scenes; not a trace of the Middle Ages shone through the monk's words. I break my pencil between my teeth, jump to my feet, tear my manuscript in two, tear each page in two, fling my hat down in the street and trample upon it. I am lost! I whisper to myself. Ladies and gentlemen, I am lost! I utter no more than these few words as long as I stand there, and tramp upon my hat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A policeman is standing a few steps away, watching me. He is standing in the middle of the street, and he only pays attention to me. As I lift my head, our eyes meet. Maybe he has been standing there for a long time watching me. I pick up my hat, put it on, and go over to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Do you know what o'clock it is?&#034; I ask.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He pauses a bit as he hauls out his watch, and never takes his eyes off me the whole time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;About four,&#034; he replies.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Accurately,&#034; I say, &#034;about four, perfectly accurate. You know your business, and I'll bear you in mind.&#034; Thereupon I left him. He looked utterly amazed at me, stood and looked at me, with gaping mouth, still holding his watch in his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When I got in front of the Royal Hotel I turned round and looked back. He was still standing in the same position, following me with his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ha, ha! That is the way to treat the brutes! With the most refined effrontery! That impresses the brutes&#8212;puts the fear of God into them. . . . I was peculiarly satisfied with myself, and began to sing a little strain. Every nerve was tense with excitement. Without feeling any more pain, without even being conscious of discomfort of any kind, I walked, light as a feather, across the whole market, turned round at the stalls, and came to a halt&#8212;sat down on a bench near Our Saviour's Church. Might it not just as well be a matter of indifference whether I returned the half-sovereign or not? When once I received it, it was mine; and there was evidently no want where it came from. Besides, I was obliged to take it when it was sent expressly to me; there could be no object in letting the messenger keep it. It wouldn't do, either, to send it back&#8212;a whole half-sovereign that had been sent to me. So there was positively no help for it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I tried to watch the bustle about me in the market, and distract myself with indifferent things, but I did not succeed; the half-sovereign still busied my thoughts. At last I clenched my fists and got angry. It would hurt her if I were to send it back. Why, then, should I do so? Always ready to consider myself too good for everything&#8212;to toss my head and say, No, thanks! I saw now what it led to. I was out in the street again. Even when I had the opportunity I couldn't keep my good warm lodging. No; I must needs be proud, jump up at the first word, and show I wasn't the man to stand trifling, chuck half-sovereigns right and left, and go my way. . . . I took myself sharply to task for having left my lodging and brought myself into the most distressful circumstances.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As for the rest, I consigned the whole affair to the keeping of the yellowest of devils. I hadn't begged for the half-sovereign, and I had barely had it in my hand, but gave it away at once&#8212;paid it away to utterly strange people whom I would never see again. That was the sort of man I was; I always paid out to the last doit whatever I owed. If I knew Ylajali aright, neither did she regret that she had sent me the money, therefore why did I sit there working myself into a rage? To put it plainly, the least she could do was to send me half-a-sovereign now and then. The poor girl was indeed in love with me&#8212;ha! perhaps even fatally in love with me; . . . and I sat and puffed myself up with this notion. There was no doubt that she was in love with me, the poor girl.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It struck five o'clock! Again I sank under the weight of my prolonged nervous excitement. The hollow whirring in my head made itself felt anew. I stared straight ahead, kept my eyes fixed, and gazed at the chemist's under the sign of the elephant. Hunger was waging a fierce battle in me at this moment, and I was suffering greatly. Whilst I sit thus and look out into space, a figure becomes little by little clear to my fixed stare. At last I can distinguish it perfectly plainly, and I recognise it. It is that of the cake-vendor who sits habitually near the chemist's under the sign of the elephant. I give a start, sit half-upright on the seat, and begin to consider. Yes, it was quite correct&#8212;the same woman before the same table on the same spot! I whistle a few times and snap my fingers, rise from my seat, and make for the chemist's. No nonsense at all! What the devil was it to me if it was the wages of sin, or well-earned Norwegian huckster pieces of silver from Kongsberg? I wasn't going to be abused; one might die of too much pride. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I go on to the corner, take stock of the woman, and come to a standstill before her. I smile, nod as to an acquaintance, and shape my words as if it were a foregone conclusion that I would return sometime.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Good-day,&#034; say I; &#034;perhaps you don't recognise me again.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No,&#034; she replied slowly, and looks at me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I smile still more, as if this were only an excellent joke of hers, this pretending not to know me again, and say:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Don't you recollect that I gave you a lot of silver once? I did not say anything on the occasion in question; as far as I can call to mind, I did not; it is not my way to do so. When one has honest folk to deal with, it is unnecessary to make an agreement, so to say, draw up a contract for every trifle. Ha, ha! Yes, it was I who gave you the money!&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No, then, now; was it you? Yes, I remember you, now that I come to think over it. . . .&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I wanted to prevent her from thanking me for the money, so I say, therefore, hastily, whilst I cast my eye over the table in search of something to eat:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; I've come now to get the cakes.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She did not seem to take this in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;The cakes,&#034; I reiterate; &#034;I've come now to get them&#8212;at any rate, the first instalment; I don't need all of them to-day.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;You've come to get them?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; of course I've come to get them,&#034; I reply, and I laugh boisterously, as if it ought to have been self-evident to her from the outset that I came for that purpose. I take, too, a cake up from the table, a sort of white roll that I commenced to eat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the woman sees this, she stirs uneasily inside her bundle of clothes, makes an involuntary movement as if to protect her wares, and gives me to understand that she had not expected me to return to rob her of them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Really not?&#034; I say, &#034;indeed, really not?&#034; She certainly was an extraordinary woman. Had she, then, at any time, had the experience that someone came and gave her a heap of shillings to take care of, without that person returning and demanding them again? No; just look at that now! Did she perhaps run away with the idea that it was stolen money, since I slung it at her in that manner? No; she didn't think that either. Well, that at least was a good thing&#8212;really a good thing. It was, if I might so say, kind of her, in spite of all, to still consider me an honest man. Ha, ha! yes, indeed, she really was good!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But why did I give her the money, then? The woman was exasperated, and called out loudly about it. I explained why I had given her the money, explained it temperately and with emphasis. It was my custom to act in this manner, because I had such a belief in everyone's goodness. Always when anyone offered me an agreement, a receipt, I only shook my head and said: No, thank you! God knows I did.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But still the woman failed to comprehend it. I had recourse to other expedients&#8212;spoke sharply, and bade a truce to all nonsense. Had it never happened to her before that anyone had paid her in advance in this manner? I inquired&#8212;I meant, of course, people who could afford it&#8212;for example, any of the consuls? Never! Well, I could not be expected to suffer because it happened to be a strange mode of procedure to her. It was a common practice abroad. She had perhaps never been outside the boundaries of her own country? No? Just look at that now! In that case, she could of course have no opinion on the subject; . . . and I took several more cakes from the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She grumbled angrily, refused obstinately to give up any more of her stores from off the table, even snatched a piece of cake out of my hand and put it back into its place. I got enraged, banged the table, and threatened to call the police. I wished to be lenient with her, I said. Were I to take all that was lawfully mine, I would clear her whole stand, because it was a big sum of money that I had given to her. But I had no intention of taking so much, I wanted in reality only half the value of the money, and I would, into the bargain, never come back to trouble her again. Might God preserve me from it, seeing that that was the sort of creature she was. . . . At length she shoved some cakes towards me, four or five, at an exorbitant price, the highest possible price she could think of, and bade me take them and begone. I wrangled still with her, persisted that she had at least cheated me to the extent of a shilling, besides robbing me with her exorbitant prices. &#034;Do you know there is a penalty for such rascally trickery,&#034; said I; &#034;God help you, you might get penal servitude for life, you old fool!&#034; She flung another cake to me, and, with almost gnashing teeth, begged me to go.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And I left her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ha! a match for this dishonest cake-vendor was not to be found. The whole time, whilst I walked to and fro in the market-place and ate my cakes, I talked loudly about this creature and her shamelessness, repeated to myself what we both had said to one another, and it seemed to me that I had come out of this affair with flying colours, leaving her nowhere. I ate my cakes in face of everybody, and talked this over to myself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The cakes disappeared one by one; they seemed to go no way; no matter how I ate I was still greedily hungry. Lord, to think they were of no help! I was so ravenous that I was even about to devour the last little cake that I had decided to spare, right from the beginning, to put it aside, in fact, for the little chap down in Vognmandsgade&#8212;the little lad who played with the paper streamers. I thought of him continually&#8212;couldn't forget his face as he jumped and swore. He had turned round towards the window when the man spat down on him, and he had just looked up to see if I was laughing at him. God knows if I should meet him now, even if I went down that way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I exerted myself greatly to try and reach Vognmandsgade, passed quickly by the spot where I had torn my drama into tatters, and where some scraps of paper still lay about; avoided the policeman whom I had amazed by my behaviour, and reached the steps upon which the laddie had been sitting.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was not there. The street was almost deserted&#8212;dusk was gathering in, and I could not see him anywhere. Perhaps he had gone in. I laid the cake down, stood it upright against the door, knocked hard, and hurried away directly. He is sure to find it, I said to myself; the first thing he will do when he comes out will be to find it. And my eyes grew moist with pleasure at the thought of the little chap finding the cake.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I reached the terminus again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now I no longer felt hungry, only the sweet stuff I had eaten began to cause me discomfort. The wildest thoughts, too, surged up anew in my head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Supposing I were in all secretness to cut the hawser mooring of one of those ships? Supposing I were to suddenly yell out &#034;Fire&#034;? I walk farther down the wharf, find a packing-case and sit upon it, fold my hands, and am conscious that my head is growing more and more confused. I do not stir; I simply make no effort whatever to keep up any longer. I just sit there and stare at the &lt;i&gt;Cop&#233;goro&lt;/i&gt;, the barque flying the Russian flag.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I catch a glimpse of a man at the rail; the red lantern slung at the port shines down upon his head, and I get up and talk over to him. I had no object in talking, as I did not expect to get a reply, either. I said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Do you sail to-night, Captain?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Yes; in a short time,&#034; answered the man. He spoke Swedish.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Hem, I suppose you wouldn't happen to need a man?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was at this instant utterly indifferent as to whether I was met by a refusal or not; it was all the same to me what reply the man gave me, so I stood and waited for it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Well, no,&#034; he replied; &#034;unless it chanced to be a young fellow.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;A young fellow!&#034; I pulled myself together, took off my glasses furtively and thrust them into my pocket, stepped up the gangway, and strode on deck.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;I have no experience,&#034; said I; &#034;but I can do anything I am put to. Where are you bound for?&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;We are in ballast for Leith, to fetch coal for Cadiz.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;All right,&#034; said I, forcing myself upon the man; &#034;it's all the same to me where I go; I am prepared to do my work.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Have you never sailed before?&#034; he asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;No; but as I tell you, put me to a task, and I'll do it. I am used to a little of all sorts.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He bethought himself again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had already taken keenly into my head that I was to sail this voyage, and I began to dread being hounded on shore again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;What do you think about it, Captain?&#034; I asked at last. &#034;I can really do anything that turns up. What am I saying? I would be a poor sort of chap if I couldn't do a little more than just what I was put to. I can take two watches at a stretch, if it comes to that. It would only do me good, and I could hold out all the same.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;All right, have a try at it. If it doesn't work, well, we can part in England.&#034;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#034;Of course,&#034; I reply in my delight, and I repeated over again that we could part in England if it didn't work.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he set me to work. . . .&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Out in the fjord I dragged myself up once, wet with fever and exhaustion, and gazed landwards, and bade farewell for the present to the town&#8212;to Christiania, where the windows gleamed so brightly in all the homes.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;below&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;E-BOOK&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;div class='spip_document_10656 spip_document spip_documents spip_document_file spip_documents_left spip_document_left spip_document_avec_legende' data-legende-len=&#034;17&#034; data-legende-lenx=&#034;&#034;
&gt;
&lt;figure class=&#034;spip_doc_inner&#034;&gt;
&lt;a href='https://www.prosperosisle.org/IMG/epub/hunger.epub?10656/af994f235feccb0cdf43a4d8204fd18d86c6b07c4ceec78487d5c0fbed44b114' class=&#034; spip_doc_lien&#034; title='EPUB - 223.6 KiB' type=&#034;application/epub+zip&#034;&gt;&lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L64xH64/epub-e5bbb.svg?1777976333' width='64' height='64' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;
&lt;figcaption class='spip_doc_legende'&gt; &lt;div class='spip_doc_titre '&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&#034;Hunger&#034; e-book
&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/div&gt; &lt;/figcaption&gt;&lt;/figure&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;
		&lt;hr /&gt;
		&lt;div class='rss_notes'&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb1&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh1&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 1&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;1&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;my book of shaving-tickets - issued by the barbers at cheaper rates, as few men in Norway shave themselves.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb2&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh2&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 2&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;2&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;Dampk&#246;kken &#8211; steam cooking-kitchen and famous cheap eating-house.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb3&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh3&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 3&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;3&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;Wedel-Jarlsberg &#8211; the last family bearing the title of nobility in Norway.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb4&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh4&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 4&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;4&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;the Tivoli &#8211; Theatre of Varieties, etc., and Garden in Christiania.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb5&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh5&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 5&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;5&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;Stiftsgaarden &#8211; dwelling of the civil governor of a Stift or diocese.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb6&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh6&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 6&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;6&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&#034;flitting time&#8221; &#8211; in Norway, 14th of March and October.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;
		
		</content:encoded>


		

	</item>
<item xml:lang="en">
		<title>&#034;The Brothers Karamazov&#034; by Fyodor Dostoevsky (1880)</title>
		<link>https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?article1447</link>
		<guid isPermaLink="true">https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?article1447</guid>
		<dc:date>2026-06-24T05:29:42Z</dc:date>
		<dc:format>text/html</dc:format>
		<dc:language>en</dc:language>
		<dc:creator>Fyodor Dostoevsky</dc:creator>



		<description>
&lt;p&gt;Is this Dostoevsky's greatest book? Hard to say in view of the competition but it very well could be. In any case it constantly sends shivers of aesthetic emotion down the spine of the reader with the power of its writing and the scope of its themes and the grandeur of so many of its scenes &#8211; the memoirs of Alyosha Karamazov's mentor Father Zossima, the transformational experience of Alyosha on leaving his mentor for the last time, the extraordinary conversation of Ivan Karamazov with the (&#8230;)&lt;/p&gt;


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&lt;a href="https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?rubrique36" rel="directory"&gt;Novels&lt;/a&gt;


		</description>


 <content:encoded>&lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L103xH150/the_brothers_karamazov_-_cover_image-52434.png?1782280379' class='spip_logo spip_logo_right' width='103' height='150' alt=&#034;&#034; /&gt;
		&lt;div class='rss_texte'&gt;&lt;p&gt;Is this Dostoevsky's greatest book? Hard to say in view of the competition but it very well could be. In any case it constantly sends shivers of aesthetic emotion down the spine of the reader with the power of its writing and the scope of its themes and the grandeur of so many of its scenes &#8211; the memoirs of Alyosha Karamazov's mentor Father Zossima, the transformational experience of Alyosha on leaving his mentor for the last time, the extraordinary conversation of Ivan Karamazov with the devil on the eve of his brother Mitya's trial for the murder of their father, the parting discourse of Alyosha to the classmates of the tormented Ilusha after his funeral &#8230; &#8211; in a way that &lt;i&gt;Crime and Punishment&lt;/i&gt; and &lt;i&gt;The Possessed&lt;/i&gt; don't really do.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Although some of the religious scenes may be hard to relate to for many a modern-day reader, the overwhelming impression that this massive monument leaves one with is awe at the sheer beauty and force of the text and the heights which this masterpiece attains and maintains itself at.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;(a truly massive 351,000 words)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Translated by Constance Garnett in 1912.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;For a selection of citations from this exceptional text, &lt;a href='https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?article243#Karamazov' class=&#034;spip_in&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;click here&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;An e-book is available for downloading &lt;a href=&#034;#below&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;below&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;&lt;div class='spip_document_10648 spip_document spip_documents spip_document_image spip_documents_center spip_document_center'&gt;
&lt;figure class=&#034;spip_doc_inner&#034;&gt; &lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L296xH429/362ff8a5d197c0b2-0d0d08ce-82f37.png?1779604391' width='296' height='429' alt='' /&gt;
&lt;/figure&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CONTENTS&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTI&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART I&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#BOOKI&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;BOOK I. THE HISTORY OF A FAMILY&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#BOOKII&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;BOOK II. AN UNFORTUNATE GATHERING&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#BOOKIII&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;BOOK III. THE SENSUALISTS&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTII&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART II&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#BOOKIV&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;BOOK IV. LACERATIONS&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#BOOKV&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;BOOK V. PRO AND CONTRA&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#BOOKVI&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;BOOK VI. THE RUSSIAN MONK&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTIII&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART III&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#BOOKVII&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;BOOK VII. ALYOSHA&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#BOOKVIII&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;BOOK VIII. MITYA&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#BOOKIX&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;BOOK IX. THE PRELIMINARY INVESTIGATION&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTIV&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART IV&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#BOOKX&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;BOOK X. THE BOYS&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#BOOKXI&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;BOOK XI. IVAN&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#BOOKXII&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;BOOK XII. A JUDICIAL ERROR&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href=&#034;#EPILOGUE&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;EPILOGUE&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href=&#034;#FOOTNOTES&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;FOOTNOTES&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Footnotes with the comment &#8220;TRANSLATOR'S NOTE&#8221; were inserted by the translator. The many other footnotes have been added for this edition.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTI&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART I&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;BOOKI&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;BOOK I. THE HISTORY OF A FAMILY&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I. FYODOR PAVLOVITCH KARAMAZOV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov was the third son of Fyodor Pavlovitch Karamazov, a land owner well known in our district in his own day, and still remembered among us owing to his gloomy and tragic death, which happened thirteen years ago, and which I shall describe in its proper place. For the present I will only say that this &#8220;landowner&#8221;&#8212;for so we used to call him, although he hardly spent a day of his life on his own estate&#8212;was a strange type, yet one pretty frequently to be met with, a type abject and vicious and at the same time senseless. But he was one of those senseless persons who are very well capable of looking after their worldly affairs, and, apparently, after nothing else. Fyodor Pavlovitch, for instance, began with next to nothing; his estate was of the smallest; he ran to dine at other men's tables, and fastened on them as a toady, yet at his death it appeared that he had a hundred thousand roubles in hard cash. At the same time, he was all his life one of the most senseless, fantastical fellows in the whole district. I repeat, it was not stupidity&#8212;the majority of these fantastical fellows are shrewd and intelligent enough&#8212;but just senselessness, and a peculiar national form of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was married twice, and had three sons, the eldest, Dmitri, by his first wife, and two, Ivan and Alexey, by his second. Fyodor Pavlovitch's first wife, Adela&#239;da Ivanovna, belonged to a fairly rich and distinguished noble family, also landowners in our district, the Mi&#252;sovs. How it came to pass that an heiress, who was also a beauty, and moreover one of those vigorous, intelligent girls, so common in this generation, but sometimes also to be found in the last, could have married such a worthless, puny weakling, as we all called him, I won't attempt to explain. I knew a young lady of the last &#8220;romantic&#8221; generation who after some years of an enigmatic passion for a gentleman, whom she might quite easily have married at any moment, invented insuperable obstacles to their union, and ended by throwing herself one stormy night into a rather deep and rapid river from a high bank, almost a precipice, and so perished, entirely to satisfy her own caprice, and to be like Shakespeare's Ophelia. Indeed, if this precipice, a chosen and favorite spot of hers, had been less picturesque, if there had been a prosaic flat bank in its place, most likely the suicide would never have taken place. This is a fact, and probably there have been not a few similar instances in the last two or three generations. Adela&#239;da Ivanovna Mi&#252;sov's action was similarly, no doubt, an echo of other people's ideas, and was due to the irritation caused by lack of mental freedom. She wanted, perhaps, to show her feminine independence, to override class distinctions and the despotism of her family. And a pliable imagination persuaded her, we must suppose, for a brief moment, that Fyodor Pavlovitch, in spite of his parasitic position, was one of the bold and ironical spirits of that progressive epoch, though he was, in fact, an ill-natured buffoon and nothing more. What gave the marriage piquancy was that it was preceded by an elopement, and this greatly captivated Adela&#239;da Ivanovna's fancy. Fyodor Pavlovitch's position at the time made him specially eager for any such enterprise, for he was passionately anxious to make a career in one way or another. To attach himself to a good family and obtain a dowry was an alluring prospect. As for mutual love it did not exist apparently, either in the bride or in him, in spite of Adela&#239;da Ivanovna's beauty. This was, perhaps, a unique case of the kind in the life of Fyodor Pavlovitch, who was always of a voluptuous temper, and ready to run after any petticoat on the slightest encouragement. She seems to have been the only woman who made no particular appeal to his senses.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Immediately after the elopement Adela&#239;da Ivanovna discerned in a flash that she had no feeling for her husband but contempt. The marriage accordingly showed itself in its true colors with extraordinary rapidity. Although the family accepted the event pretty quickly and apportioned the runaway bride her dowry, the husband and wife began to lead a most disorderly life, and there were everlasting scenes between them. It was said that the young wife showed incomparably more generosity and dignity than Fyodor Pavlovitch, who, as is now known, got hold of all her money up to twenty-five thousand roubles as soon as she received it, so that those thousands were lost to her for ever. The little village and the rather fine town house which formed part of her dowry he did his utmost for a long time to transfer to his name, by means of some deed of conveyance. He would probably have succeeded, merely from her moral fatigue and desire to get rid of him, and from the contempt and loathing he aroused by his persistent and shameless importunity. But, fortunately, Adela&#239;da Ivanovna's family intervened and circumvented his greediness. It is known for a fact that frequent fights took place between the husband and wife, but rumor had it that Fyodor Pavlovitch did not beat his wife but was beaten by her, for she was a hot-tempered, bold, dark-browed, impatient woman, possessed of remarkable physical strength. Finally, she left the house and ran away from Fyodor Pavlovitch with a destitute divinity student, leaving Mitya, a child of three years old, in her husband's hands. Immediately Fyodor Pavlovitch introduced a regular harem into the house, and abandoned himself to orgies of drunkenness. In the intervals he used to drive all over the province, complaining tearfully to each and all of Adela&#239;da Ivanovna's having left him, going into details too disgraceful for a husband to mention in regard to his own married life. What seemed to gratify him and flatter his self-love most was to play the ridiculous part of the injured husband, and to parade his woes with embellishments.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One would think that you'd got a promotion, Fyodor Pavlovitch, you seem so pleased in spite of your sorrow,&#8221; scoffers said to him. Many even added that he was glad of a new comic part in which to play the buffoon, and that it was simply to make it funnier that he pretended to be unaware of his ludicrous position. But, who knows, it may have been simplicity. At last he succeeded in getting on the track of his runaway wife. The poor woman turned out to be in Petersburg, where she had gone with her divinity student, and where she had thrown herself into a life of complete emancipation. Fyodor Pavlovitch at once began bustling about, making preparations to go to Petersburg, with what object he could not himself have said. He would perhaps have really gone; but having determined to do so he felt at once entitled to fortify himself for the journey by another bout of reckless drinking. And just at that time his wife's family received the news of her death in Petersburg. She had died quite suddenly in a garret, according to one story, of typhus, or as another version had it, of starvation. Fyodor Pavlovitch was drunk when he heard of his wife's death, and the story is that he ran out into the street and began shouting with joy, raising his hands to Heaven: &#8220;Lord, now lettest Thou Thy servant depart in peace,&#8221; but others say he wept without restraint like a little child, so much so that people were sorry for him, in spite of the repulsion he inspired. It is quite possible that both versions were true, that he rejoiced at his release, and at the same time wept for her who released him. As a general rule, people, even the wicked, are much more na&#239;ve and simple-hearted than we suppose. And we ourselves are, too.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II. HE GETS RID OF HIS ELDEST SON&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;You can easily imagine what a father such a man could be and how he would bring up his children. His behavior as a father was exactly what might be expected. He completely abandoned the child of his marriage with Adela&#239;da Ivanovna, not from malice, nor because of his matrimonial grievances, but simply because he forgot him. While he was wearying every one with his tears and complaints, and turning his house into a sink of debauchery, a faithful servant of the family, Grigory, took the three-year-old Mitya into his care. If he hadn't looked after him there would have been no one even to change the baby's little shirt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It happened moreover that the child's relations on his mother's side forgot him too at first. His grandfather was no longer living, his widow, Mitya's grandmother, had moved to Moscow, and was seriously ill, while his daughters were married, so that Mitya remained for almost a whole year in old Grigory's charge and lived with him in the servant's cottage. But if his father had remembered him (he could not, indeed, have been altogether unaware of his existence) he would have sent him back to the cottage, as the child would only have been in the way of his debaucheries. But a cousin of Mitya's mother, Pyotr Alexandrovitch Mi&#252;sov, happened to return from Paris. He lived for many years afterwards abroad, but was at that time quite a young man, and distinguished among the Mi&#252;sovs as a man of enlightened ideas and of European culture, who had been in the capitals and abroad. Towards the end of his life he became a Liberal of the type common in the forties and fifties. In the course of his career he had come into contact with many of the most Liberal men of his epoch, both in Russia and abroad. He had known Proudhon and Bakunin personally, and in his declining years was very fond of describing the three days of the Paris Revolution of February 1848, hinting that he himself had almost taken part in the fighting on the barricades. This was one of the most grateful recollections of his youth. He had an independent property of about a thousand souls, to reckon in the old style. His splendid estate lay on the outskirts of our little town and bordered on the lands of our famous monastery, with which Pyotr Alexandrovitch began an endless lawsuit, almost as soon as he came into the estate, concerning the rights of fishing in the river or wood-cutting in the forest, I don't know exactly which. He regarded it as his duty as a citizen and a man of culture to open an attack upon the &#8220;clericals.&#8221; Hearing all about Adela&#239;da Ivanovna, whom he, of course, remembered, and in whom he had at one time been interested, and learning of the existence of Mitya, he intervened, in spite of all his youthful indignation and contempt for Fyodor Pavlovitch. He made the latter's acquaintance for the first time, and told him directly that he wished to undertake the child's education. He used long afterwards to tell as a characteristic touch, that when he began to speak of Mitya, Fyodor Pavlovitch looked for some time as though he did not understand what child he was talking about, and even as though he was surprised to hear that he had a little son in the house. The story may have been exaggerated, yet it must have been something like the truth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fyodor Pavlovitch was all his life fond of acting, of suddenly playing an unexpected part, sometimes without any motive for doing so, and even to his own direct disadvantage, as, for instance, in the present case. This habit, however, is characteristic of a very great number of people, some of them very clever ones, not like Fyodor Pavlovitch. Pyotr Alexandrovitch carried the business through vigorously, and was appointed, with Fyodor Pavlovitch, joint guardian of the child, who had a small property, a house and land, left him by his mother. Mitya did, in fact, pass into this cousin's keeping, but as the latter had no family of his own, and after securing the revenues of his estates was in haste to return at once to Paris, he left the boy in charge of one of his cousins, a lady living in Moscow. It came to pass that, settling permanently in Paris he, too, forgot the child, especially when the Revolution of February broke out, making an impression on his mind that he remembered all the rest of his life. The Moscow lady died, and Mitya passed into the care of one of her married daughters. I believe he changed his home a fourth time later on. I won't enlarge upon that now, as I shall have much to tell later of Fyodor Pavlovitch's firstborn, and must confine myself now to the most essential facts about him, without which I could not begin my story.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the first place, this Mitya, or rather Dmitri Fyodorovitch, was the only one of Fyodor Pavlovitch's three sons who grew up in the belief that he had property, and that he would be independent on coming of age. He spent an irregular boyhood and youth. He did not finish his studies at the gymnasium, he got into a military school, then went to the Caucasus, was promoted, fought a duel, and was degraded to the ranks, earned promotion again, led a wild life, and spent a good deal of money. He did not begin to receive any income from Fyodor Pavlovitch until he came of age, and until then got into debt. He saw and knew his father, Fyodor Pavlovitch, for the first time on coming of age, when he visited our neighborhood on purpose to settle with him about his property. He seems not to have liked his father. He did not stay long with him, and made haste to get away, having only succeeded in obtaining a sum of money, and entering into an agreement for future payments from the estate, of the revenues and value of which he was unable (a fact worthy of note), upon this occasion, to get a statement from his father. Fyodor Pavlovitch remarked for the first time then (this, too, should be noted) that Mitya had a vague and exaggerated idea of his property. Fyodor Pavlovitch was very well satisfied with this, as it fell in with his own designs. He gathered only that the young man was frivolous, unruly, of violent passions, impatient, and dissipated, and that if he could only obtain ready money he would be satisfied, although only, of course, for a short time. So Fyodor Pavlovitch began to take advantage of this fact, sending him from time to time small doles, installments. In the end, when four years later, Mitya, losing patience, came a second time to our little town to settle up once for all with his father, it turned out to his amazement that he had nothing, that it was difficult to get an account even, that he had received the whole value of his property in sums of money from Fyodor Pavlovitch, and was perhaps even in debt to him, that by various agreements into which he had, of his own desire, entered at various previous dates, he had no right to expect anything more, and so on, and so on. The young man was overwhelmed, suspected deceit and cheating, and was almost beside himself. And, indeed, this circumstance led to the catastrophe, the account of which forms the subject of my first introductory story, or rather the external side of it. But before I pass to that story I must say a little of Fyodor Pavlovitch's other two sons, and of their origin.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III. THE SECOND MARRIAGE AND THE SECOND FAMILY&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Very shortly after getting his four-year-old Mitya off his hands Fyodor Pavlovitch married a second time. His second marriage lasted eight years. He took this second wife, Sofya Ivanovna, also a very young girl, from another province, where he had gone upon some small piece of business in company with a Jew. Though Fyodor Pavlovitch was a drunkard and a vicious debauchee he never neglected investing his capital, and managed his business affairs very successfully, though, no doubt, not over-scrupulously. Sofya Ivanovna was the daughter of an obscure deacon, and was left from childhood an orphan without relations. She grew up in the house of a general's widow, a wealthy old lady of good position, who was at once her benefactress and tormentor. I do not know the details, but I have only heard that the orphan girl, a meek and gentle creature, was once cut down from a halter in which she was hanging from a nail in the loft, so terrible were her sufferings from the caprice and everlasting nagging of this old woman, who was apparently not bad-hearted but had become an insufferable tyrant through idleness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fyodor Pavlovitch made her an offer; inquiries were made about him and he was refused. But again, as in his first marriage, he proposed an elopement to the orphan girl. There is very little doubt that she would not on any account have married him if she had known a little more about him in time. But she lived in another province; besides, what could a little girl of sixteen know about it, except that she would be better at the bottom of the river than remaining with her benefactress. So the poor child exchanged a benefactress for a benefactor. Fyodor Pavlovitch did not get a penny this time, for the general's widow was furious. She gave them nothing and cursed them both. But he had not reckoned on a dowry; what allured him was the remarkable beauty of the innocent girl, above all her innocent appearance, which had a peculiar attraction for a vicious profligate, who had hitherto admired only the coarser types of feminine beauty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Those innocent eyes slit my soul up like a razor,&#8221; he used to say afterwards, with his loathsome snigger. In a man so depraved this might, of course, mean no more than sensual attraction. As he had received no dowry with his wife, and had, so to speak, taken her &#8220;from the halter,&#8221; he did not stand on ceremony with her. Making her feel that she had &#8220;wronged&#8221; him, he took advantage of her phenomenal meekness and submissiveness to trample on the elementary decencies of marriage. He gathered loose women into his house, and carried on orgies of debauchery in his wife's presence. To show what a pass things had come to, I may mention that Grigory, the gloomy, stupid, obstinate, argumentative servant, who had always hated his first mistress, Adela&#239;da Ivanovna, took the side of his new mistress. He championed her cause, abusing Fyodor Pavlovitch in a manner little befitting a servant, and on one occasion broke up the revels and drove all the disorderly women out of the house. In the end this unhappy young woman, kept in terror from her childhood, fell into that kind of nervous disease which is most frequently found in peasant women who are said to be &#8220;possessed by devils.&#8221; At times after terrible fits of hysterics she even lost her reason. Yet she bore Fyodor Pavlovitch two sons, Ivan and Alexey, the eldest in the first year of marriage and the second three years later. When she died, little Alexey was in his fourth year, and, strange as it seems, I know that he remembered his mother all his life, like a dream, of course. At her death almost exactly the same thing happened to the two little boys as to their elder brother, Mitya. They were completely forgotten and abandoned by their father. They were looked after by the same Grigory and lived in his cottage, where they were found by the tyrannical old lady who had brought up their mother. She was still alive, and had not, all those eight years, forgotten the insult done her. All that time she was obtaining exact information as to her Sofya's manner of life, and hearing of her illness and hideous surroundings she declared aloud two or three times to her retainers:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It serves her right. God has punished her for her ingratitude.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Exactly three months after Sofya Ivanovna's death the general's widow suddenly appeared in our town, and went straight to Fyodor Pavlovitch's house. She spent only half an hour in the town but she did a great deal. It was evening. Fyodor Pavlovitch, whom she had not seen for those eight years, came in to her drunk. The story is that instantly upon seeing him, without any sort of explanation, she gave him two good, resounding slaps on the face, seized him by a tuft of hair, and shook him three times up and down. Then, without a word, she went straight to the cottage to the two boys. Seeing, at the first glance, that they were unwashed and in dirty linen, she promptly gave Grigory, too, a box on the ear, and announcing that she would carry off both the children she wrapped them just as they were in a rug, put them in the carriage, and drove off to her own town. Grigory accepted the blow like a devoted slave, without a word, and when he escorted the old lady to her carriage he made her a low bow and pronounced impressively that, &#8220;God would repay her for the orphans.&#8221; &#8220;You are a blockhead all the same,&#8221; the old lady shouted to him as she drove away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fyodor Pavlovitch, thinking it over, decided that it was a good thing, and did not refuse the general's widow his formal consent to any proposition in regard to his children's education. As for the slaps she had given him, he drove all over the town telling the story.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It happened that the old lady died soon after this, but she left the boys in her will a thousand roubles each &#8220;for their instruction, and so that all be spent on them exclusively, with the condition that it be so portioned out as to last till they are twenty-one, for it is more than adequate provision for such children. If other people think fit to throw away their money, let them.&#8221; I have not read the will myself, but I heard there was something queer of the sort, very whimsically expressed. The principal heir, Yefim Petrovitch Polenov, the Marshal of Nobility of the province, turned out, however, to be an honest man. Writing to Fyodor Pavlovitch, and discerning at once that he could extract nothing from him for his children's education (though the latter never directly refused but only procrastinated as he always did in such cases, and was, indeed, at times effusively sentimental), Yefim Petrovitch took a personal interest in the orphans. He became especially fond of the younger, Alexey, who lived for a long while as one of his family. I beg the reader to note this from the beginning. And to Yefim Petrovitch, a man of a generosity and humanity rarely to be met with, the young people were more indebted for their education and bringing up than to any one. He kept the two thousand roubles left to them by the general's widow intact, so that by the time they came of age their portions had been doubled by the accumulation of interest. He educated them both at his own expense, and certainly spent far more than a thousand roubles upon each of them. I won't enter into a detailed account of their boyhood and youth, but will only mention a few of the most important events. Of the elder, Ivan, I will only say that he grew into a somewhat morose and reserved, though far from timid boy. At ten years old he had realized that they were living not in their own home but on other people's charity, and that their father was a man of whom it was disgraceful to speak. This boy began very early, almost in his infancy (so they say at least), to show a brilliant and unusual aptitude for learning. I don't know precisely why, but he left the family of Yefim Petrovitch when he was hardly thirteen, entering a Moscow gymnasium, and boarding with an experienced and celebrated teacher, an old friend of Yefim Petrovitch. Ivan used to declare afterwards that this was all due to the &#8220;ardor for good works&#8221; of Yefim Petrovitch, who was captivated by the idea that the boy's genius should be trained by a teacher of genius. But neither Yefim Petrovitch nor this teacher was living when the young man finished at the gymnasium and entered the university. As Yefim Petrovitch had made no provision for the payment of the tyrannical old lady's legacy, which had grown from one thousand to two, it was delayed, owing to formalities inevitable in Russia, and the young man was in great straits for the first two years at the university, as he was forced to keep himself all the time he was studying. It must be noted that he did not even attempt to communicate with his father, perhaps from pride, from contempt for him, or perhaps from his cool common sense, which told him that from such a father he would get no real assistance. However that may have been, the young man was by no means despondent and succeeded in getting work, at first giving sixpenny lessons and afterwards getting paragraphs on street incidents into the newspapers under the signature of &#8220;Eye-Witness.&#8221; These paragraphs, it was said, were so interesting and piquant that they were soon taken. This alone showed the young man's practical and intellectual superiority over the masses of needy and unfortunate students of both sexes who hang about the offices of the newspapers and journals, unable to think of anything better than everlasting entreaties for copying and translations from the French. Having once got into touch with the editors Ivan Fyodorovitch always kept up his connection with them, and in his latter years at the university he published brilliant reviews of books upon various special subjects, so that he became well known in literary circles. But only in his last year he suddenly succeeded in attracting the attention of a far wider circle of readers, so that a great many people noticed and remembered him. It was rather a curious incident. When he had just left the university and was preparing to go abroad upon his two thousand roubles, Ivan Fyodorovitch published in one of the more important journals a strange article, which attracted general notice, on a subject of which he might have been supposed to know nothing, as he was a student of natural science. The article dealt with a subject which was being debated everywhere at the time&#8212;the position of the ecclesiastical courts. After discussing several opinions on the subject he went on to explain his own view. What was most striking about the article was its tone, and its unexpected conclusion. Many of the Church party regarded him unquestioningly as on their side. And yet not only the secularists but even atheists joined them in their applause. Finally some sagacious persons opined that the article was nothing but an impudent satirical burlesque. I mention this incident particularly because this article penetrated into the famous monastery in our neighborhood, where the inmates, being particularly interested in the question of the ecclesiastical courts, were completely bewildered by it. Learning the author's name, they were interested in his being a native of the town and the son of &#8220;that Fyodor Pavlovitch.&#8221; And just then it was that the author himself made his appearance among us.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Why Ivan Fyodorovitch had come amongst us I remember asking myself at the time with a certain uneasiness. This fateful visit, which was the first step leading to so many consequences, I never fully explained to myself. It seemed strange on the face of it that a young man so learned, so proud, and apparently so cautious, should suddenly visit such an infamous house and a father who had ignored him all his life, hardly knew him, never thought of him, and would not under any circumstances have given him money, though he was always afraid that his sons Ivan and Alexey would also come to ask him for it. And here the young man was staying in the house of such a father, had been living with him for two months, and they were on the best possible terms. This last fact was a special cause of wonder to many others as well as to me. Pyotr Alexandrovitch Mi&#252;sov, of whom we have spoken already, the cousin of Fyodor Pavlovitch's first wife, happened to be in the neighborhood again on a visit to his estate. He had come from Paris, which was his permanent home. I remember that he was more surprised than anyone when he made the acquaintance of the young man, who interested him extremely, and with whom he sometimes argued and not without an inner pang compared himself in acquirements.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is proud,&#8221; he used to say, &#8220;he will never be in want of pence; he has got money enough to go abroad now. What does he want here? Every one can see that he hasn't come for money, for his father would never give him any. He has no taste for drink and dissipation, and yet his father can't do without him. They get on so well together!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That was the truth; the young man had an unmistakable influence over his father, who positively appeared to be behaving more decently and even seemed at times ready to obey his son, though often extremely and even spitefully perverse.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was only later that we learned that Ivan had come partly at the request of, and in the interests of, his elder brother, Dmitri, whom he saw for the first time on this very visit, though he had before leaving Moscow been in correspondence with him about an important matter of more concern to Dmitri than himself. What that business was the reader will learn fully in due time. Yet even when I did know of this special circumstance I still felt Ivan Fyodorovitch to be an enigmatic figure, and thought his visit rather mysterious.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I may add that Ivan appeared at the time in the light of a mediator between his father and his elder brother Dmitri, who was in open quarrel with his father and even planning to bring an action against him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The family, I repeat, was now united for the first time, and some of its members met for the first time in their lives. The younger brother, Alexey, had been a year already among us, having been the first of the three to arrive. It is of that brother Alexey I find it most difficult to speak in this introduction. Yet I must give some preliminary account of him, if only to explain one queer fact, which is that I have to introduce my hero to the reader wearing the cassock of a novice. Yes, he had been for the last year in our monastery, and seemed willing to be cloistered there for the rest of his life.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV. THE THIRD SON, ALYOSHA&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;He was only twenty, his brother Ivan was in his twenty-fourth year at the time, while their elder brother Dmitri was twenty-seven. First of all, I must explain that this young man, Alyosha, was not a fanatic, and, in my opinion at least, was not even a mystic. I may as well give my full opinion from the beginning. He was simply an early lover of humanity, and that he adopted the monastic life was simply because at that time it struck him, so to say, as the ideal escape for his soul struggling from the darkness of worldly wickedness to the light of love. And the reason this life struck him in this way was that he found in it at that time, as he thought, an extraordinary being, our celebrated elder, Zossima, to whom he became attached with all the warm first love of his ardent heart. But I do not dispute that he was very strange even at that time, and had been so indeed from his cradle. I have mentioned already, by the way, that though he lost his mother in his fourth year he remembered her all his life&#8212;her face, her caresses, &#8220;as though she stood living before me.&#8221; Such memories may persist, as every one knows, from an even earlier age, even from two years old, but scarcely standing out through a whole lifetime like spots of light out of darkness, like a corner torn out of a huge picture, which has all faded and disappeared except that fragment. That is how it was with him. He remembered one still summer evening, an open window, the slanting rays of the setting sun (that he recalled most vividly of all); in a corner of the room the holy image, before it a lighted lamp, and on her knees before the image his mother, sobbing hysterically with cries and moans, snatching him up in both arms, squeezing him close till it hurt, and praying for him to the Mother of God, holding him out in both arms to the image as though to put him under the Mother's protection ... and suddenly a nurse runs in and snatches him from her in terror. That was the picture! And Alyosha remembered his mother's face at that minute. He used to say that it was frenzied but beautiful as he remembered. But he rarely cared to speak of this memory to any one. In his childhood and youth he was by no means expansive, and talked little indeed, but not from shyness or a sullen unsociability; quite the contrary, from something different, from a sort of inner preoccupation entirely personal and unconcerned with other people, but so important to him that he seemed, as it were, to forget others on account of it. But he was fond of people: he seemed throughout his life to put implicit trust in people: yet no one ever looked on him as a simpleton or na&#239;ve person. There was something about him which made one feel at once (and it was so all his life afterwards) that he did not care to be a judge of others&#8212;that he would never take it upon himself to criticize and would never condemn anyone for anything. He seemed, indeed, to accept everything without the least condemnation though often grieving bitterly: and this was so much so that no one could surprise or frighten him even in his earliest youth. Coming at twenty to his father's house, which was a very sink of filthy debauchery, he, chaste and pure as he was, simply withdrew in silence when to look on was unbearable, but without the slightest sign of contempt or condemnation. His father, who had once been in a dependent position, and so was sensitive and ready to take offense, met him at first with distrust and sullenness. &#8220;He does not say much,&#8221; he used to say, &#8220;and thinks the more.&#8221; But soon, within a fortnight indeed, he took to embracing him and kissing him terribly often, with drunken tears, with sottish sentimentality, yet he evidently felt a real and deep affection for him, such as he had never been capable of feeling for anyone before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Every one, indeed, loved this young man wherever he went, and it was so from his earliest childhood. When he entered the household of his patron and benefactor, Yefim Petrovitch Polenov, he gained the hearts of all the family, so that they looked on him quite as their own child. Yet he entered the house at such a tender age that he could not have acted from design nor artfulness in winning affection. So that the gift of making himself loved directly and unconsciously was inherent in him, in his very nature, so to speak. It was the same at school, though he seemed to be just one of those children who are distrusted, sometimes ridiculed, and even disliked by their schoolfellows. He was dreamy, for instance, and rather solitary. From his earliest childhood he was fond of creeping into a corner to read, and yet he was a general favorite all the while he was at school. He was rarely playful or merry, but anyone could see at the first glance that this was not from any sullenness. On the contrary he was bright and good-tempered. He never tried to show off among his schoolfellows. Perhaps because of this, he was never afraid of any one, yet the boys immediately understood that he was not proud of his fearlessness and seemed to be unaware that he was bold and courageous. He never resented an insult. It would happen that an hour after the offense he would address the offender or answer some question with as trustful and candid an expression as though nothing had happened between them. And it was not that he seemed to have forgotten or intentionally forgiven the affront, but simply that he did not regard it as an affront, and this completely conquered and captivated the boys. He had one characteristic which made all his schoolfellows from the bottom class to the top want to mock at him, not from malice but because it amused them. This characteristic was a wild fanatical modesty and chastity. He could not bear to hear certain words and certain conversations about women. There are &#8220;certain&#8221; words and conversations unhappily impossible to eradicate in schools. Boys pure in mind and heart, almost children, are fond of talking in school among themselves, and even aloud, of things, pictures, and images of which even soldiers would sometimes hesitate to speak. More than that, much that soldiers have no knowledge or conception of is familiar to quite young children of our intellectual and higher classes. There is no moral depravity, no real corrupt inner cynicism in it, but there is the appearance of it, and it is often looked upon among them as something refined, subtle, daring, and worthy of imitation. Seeing that Alyosha Karamazov put his fingers in his ears when they talked of &#8220;that,&#8221; they used sometimes to crowd round him, pull his hands away, and shout nastiness into both ears, while he struggled, slipped to the floor, tried to hide himself without uttering one word of abuse, enduring their insults in silence. But at last they left him alone and gave up taunting him with being a &#8220;regular girl,&#8221; and what's more they looked upon it with compassion as a weakness. He was always one of the best in the class but was never first.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the time of Yefim Petrovitch's death Alyosha had two more years to complete at the provincial gymnasium. The inconsolable widow went almost immediately after his death for a long visit to Italy with her whole family, which consisted only of women and girls. Alyosha went to live in the house of two distant relations of Yefim Petrovitch, ladies whom he had never seen before. On what terms he lived with them he did not know himself. It was very characteristic of him, indeed, that he never cared at whose expense he was living. In that respect he was a striking contrast to his elder brother Ivan, who struggled with poverty for his first two years in the university, maintained himself by his own efforts, and had from childhood been bitterly conscious of living at the expense of his benefactor. But this strange trait in Alyosha's character must not, I think, be criticized too severely, for at the slightest acquaintance with him anyone would have perceived that Alyosha was one of those youths, almost of the type of religious enthusiast, who, if they were suddenly to come into possession of a large fortune, would not hesitate to give it away for the asking, either for good works or perhaps to a clever rogue. In general he seemed scarcely to know the value of money, not, of course, in a literal sense. When he was given pocket-money, which he never asked for, he was either terribly careless of it so that it was gone in a moment, or he kept it for weeks together, not knowing what to do with it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In later years Pyotr Alexandrovitch Mi&#252;sov, a man very sensitive on the score of money and bourgeois honesty, pronounced the following judgment, after getting to know Alyosha:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here is perhaps the one man in the world whom you might leave alone without a penny, in the center of an unknown town of a million inhabitants, and he would not come to harm, he would not die of cold and hunger, for he would be fed and sheltered at once; and if he were not, he would find a shelter for himself, and it would cost him no effort or humiliation. And to shelter him would be no burden, but, on the contrary, would probably be looked on as a pleasure.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He did not finish his studies at the gymnasium. A year before the end of the course he suddenly announced to the ladies that he was going to see his father about a plan which had occurred to him. They were sorry and unwilling to let him go. The journey was not an expensive one, and the ladies would not let him pawn his watch, a parting present from his benefactor's family. They provided him liberally with money and even fitted him out with new clothes and linen. But he returned half the money they gave him, saying that he intended to go third class. On his arrival in the town he made no answer to his father's first inquiry why he had come before completing his studies, and seemed, so they say, unusually thoughtful. It soon became apparent that he was looking for his mother's tomb. He practically acknowledged at the time that that was the only object of his visit. But it can hardly have been the whole reason of it. It is more probable that he himself did not understand and could not explain what had suddenly arisen in his soul, and drawn him irresistibly into a new, unknown, but inevitable path. Fyodor Pavlovitch could not show him where his second wife was buried, for he had never visited her grave since he had thrown earth upon her coffin, and in the course of years had entirely forgotten where she was buried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fyodor Pavlovitch, by the way, had for some time previously not been living in our town. Three or four years after his wife's death he had gone to the south of Russia and finally turned up in Odessa, where he spent several years. He made the acquaintance at first, in his own words, &#8220;of a lot of low Jews, Jewesses, and Jewkins,&#8221; and ended by being received by &#8220;Jews high and low alike.&#8221; It may be presumed that at this period he developed a peculiar faculty for making and hoarding money. He finally returned to our town only three years before Alyosha's arrival. His former acquaintances found him looking terribly aged, although he was by no means an old man. He behaved not exactly with more dignity but with more effrontery. The former buffoon showed an insolent propensity for making buffoons of others. His depravity with women was not simply what it used to be, but even more revolting. In a short time he opened a great number of new taverns in the district. It was evident that he had perhaps a hundred thousand roubles or not much less. Many of the inhabitants of the town and district were soon in his debt, and, of course, had given good security. Of late, too, he looked somehow bloated and seemed more irresponsible, more uneven, had sunk into a sort of incoherence, used to begin one thing and go on with another, as though he were letting himself go altogether. He was more and more frequently drunk. And, if it had not been for the same servant Grigory, who by that time had aged considerably too, and used to look after him sometimes almost like a tutor, Fyodor Pavlovitch might have got into terrible scrapes. Alyosha's arrival seemed to affect even his moral side, as though something had awakened in this prematurely old man which had long been dead in his soul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know,&#8221; he used often to say, looking at Alyosha, &#8220;that you are like her, &#8216;the crazy woman' &#8221;&#8212;that was what he used to call his dead wife, Alyosha's mother. Grigory it was who pointed out the &#8220;crazy woman's&#8221; grave to Alyosha. He took him to our town cemetery and showed him in a remote corner a cast-iron tombstone, cheap but decently kept, on which were inscribed the name and age of the deceased and the date of her death, and below a four-lined verse, such as are commonly used on old-fashioned middle-class tombs. To Alyosha's amazement this tomb turned out to be Grigory's doing. He had put it up on the poor &#8220;crazy woman's&#8221; grave at his own expense, after Fyodor Pavlovitch, whom he had often pestered about the grave, had gone to Odessa, abandoning the grave and all his memories. Alyosha showed no particular emotion at the sight of his mother's grave. He only listened to Grigory's minute and solemn account of the erection of the tomb; he stood with bowed head and walked away without uttering a word. It was perhaps a year before he visited the cemetery again. But this little episode was not without an influence upon Fyodor Pavlovitch&#8212;and a very original one. He suddenly took a thousand roubles to our monastery to pay for requiems for the soul of his wife; but not for the second, Alyosha's mother, the &#8220;crazy woman,&#8221; but for the first, Adela&#239;da Ivanovna, who used to thrash him. In the evening of the same day he got drunk and abused the monks to Alyosha. He himself was far from being religious; he had probably never put a penny candle before the image of a saint. Strange impulses of sudden feeling and sudden thought are common in such types.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I have mentioned already that he looked bloated. His countenance at this time bore traces of something that testified unmistakably to the life he had led. Besides the long fleshy bags under his little, always insolent, suspicious, and ironical eyes; besides the multitude of deep wrinkles in his little fat face, the Adam's apple hung below his sharp chin like a great, fleshy goiter, which gave him a peculiar, repulsive, sensual appearance; add to that a long rapacious mouth with full lips, between which could be seen little stumps of black decayed teeth. He slobbered every time he began to speak. He was fond indeed of making fun of his own face, though, I believe, he was well satisfied with it. He used particularly to point to his nose, which was not very large, but very delicate and conspicuously aquiline. &#8220;A regular Roman nose,&#8221; he used to say, &#8220;with my goiter I've quite the countenance of an ancient Roman patrician of the decadent period.&#8221; He seemed proud of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Not long after visiting his mother's grave Alyosha suddenly announced that he wanted to enter the monastery, and that the monks were willing to receive him as a novice. He explained that this was his strong desire, and that he was solemnly asking his consent as his father. The old man knew that the elder Zossima, who was living in the monastery hermitage, had made a special impression upon his &#8220;gentle boy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is the most honest monk among them, of course,&#8221; he observed, after listening in thoughtful silence to Alyosha, and seeming scarcely surprised at his request. &#8220;H'm!... So that's where you want to be, my gentle boy?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was half drunk, and suddenly he grinned his slow half-drunken grin, which was not without a certain cunning and tipsy slyness. &#8220;H'm!... I had a presentiment that you would end in something like this. Would you believe it? You were making straight for it. Well, to be sure you have your own two thousand. That's a dowry for you. And I'll never desert you, my angel. And I'll pay what's wanted for you there, if they ask for it. But, of course, if they don't ask, why should we worry them? What do you say? You know, you spend money like a canary, two grains a week. H'm!... Do you know that near one monastery there's a place outside the town where every baby knows there are none but &#8216;the monks' wives' living, as they are called. Thirty women, I believe. I have been there myself. You know, it's interesting in its own way, of course, as a variety. The worst of it is it's awfully Russian. There are no French women there. Of course they could get them fast enough, they have plenty of money. If they get to hear of it they'll come along. Well, there's nothing of that sort here, no &#8216;monks' wives,' and two hundred monks. They're honest. They keep the fasts. I admit it.... H'm.... So you want to be a monk? And do you know I'm sorry to lose you, Alyosha; would you believe it, I've really grown fond of you? Well, it's a good opportunity. You'll pray for us sinners; we have sinned too much here. I've always been thinking who would pray for me, and whether there's anyone in the world to do it. My dear boy, I'm awfully stupid about that. You wouldn't believe it. Awfully. You see, however stupid I am about it, I keep thinking, I keep thinking&#8212;from time to time, of course, not all the while. It's impossible, I think, for the devils to forget to drag me down to hell with their hooks when I die. Then I wonder&#8212;hooks? Where would they get them? What of? Iron hooks? Where do they forge them? Have they a foundry there of some sort? The monks in the monastery probably believe that there's a ceiling in hell, for instance. Now I'm ready to believe in hell, but without a ceiling. It makes it more refined, more enlightened, more Lutheran that is. And, after all, what does it matter whether it has a ceiling or hasn't? But, do you know, there's a damnable question involved in it? If there's no ceiling there can be no hooks, and if there are no hooks it all breaks down, which is unlikely again, for then there would be none to drag me down to hell, and if they don't drag me down what justice is there in the world? &lt;i&gt;Il faudrait les inventer&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb1&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Il faudrait les inventer &#8211; one would have to invent them&#034; id=&#034;nh1&#034;&gt;1&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, those hooks, on purpose for me alone, for, if you only knew, Alyosha, what a blackguard I am.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But there are no hooks there,&#8221; said Alyosha, looking gently and seriously at his father.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, only the shadows of hooks, I know, I know. That's how a Frenchman described hell: &#8216;&lt;i&gt;J'ai vu l'ombre d'un cocher qui avec l'ombre d'une brosse frottait l'ombre d'une carrosse&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb2&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;J'ai vu l'ombre d'un cocher qui avec l'ombre d'une brosse frottait l'ombre (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh2&#034;&gt;2&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.' How do you know there are no hooks, darling? When you've lived with the monks you'll sing a different tune. But go and get at the truth there, and then come and tell me. Anyway it's easier going to the other world if one knows what there is there. Besides, it will be more seemly for you with the monks than here with me, with a drunken old man and young harlots ... though you're like an angel, nothing touches you. And I dare say nothing will touch you there. That's why I let you go, because I hope for that. You've got all your wits about you. You will burn and you will burn out; you will be healed and come back again. And I will wait for you. I feel that you're the only creature in the world who has not condemned me. My dear boy, I feel it, you know. I can't help feeling it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he even began blubbering. He was sentimental. He was wicked and sentimental.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V. ELDERS&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Some of my readers may imagine that my young man was a sickly, ecstatic, poorly developed creature, a pale, consumptive dreamer. On the contrary, Alyosha was at this time a well-grown, red-cheeked, clear-eyed lad of nineteen, radiant with health. He was very handsome, too, graceful, moderately tall, with hair of a dark brown, with a regular, rather long, oval-shaped face, and wide-set dark gray, shining eyes; he was very thoughtful, and apparently very serene. I shall be told, perhaps, that red cheeks are not incompatible with fanaticism and mysticism; but I fancy that Alyosha was more of a realist than any one. Oh! no doubt, in the monastery he fully believed in miracles, but, to my thinking, miracles are never a stumbling-block to the realist. It is not miracles that dispose realists to belief. The genuine realist, if he is an unbeliever, will always find strength and ability to disbelieve in the miraculous, and if he is confronted with a miracle as an irrefutable fact he would rather disbelieve his own senses than admit the fact. Even if he admits it, he admits it as a fact of nature till then unrecognized by him. Faith does not, in the realist, spring from the miracle but the miracle from faith. If the realist once believes, then he is bound by his very realism to admit the miraculous also. The Apostle Thomas said that he would not believe till he saw, but when he did see he said, &#8220;My Lord and my God!&#8221; Was it the miracle forced him to believe? Most likely not, but he believed solely because he desired to believe and possibly he fully believed in his secret heart even when he said, &#8220;I do not believe till I see.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I shall be told, perhaps, that Alyosha was stupid, undeveloped, had not finished his studies, and so on. That he did not finish his studies is true, but to say that he was stupid or dull would be a great injustice. I'll simply repeat what I have said above. He entered upon this path only because, at that time, it alone struck his imagination and presented itself to him as offering an ideal means of escape for his soul from darkness to light. Add to that that he was to some extent a youth of our last epoch&#8212;that is, honest in nature, desiring the truth, seeking for it and believing in it, and seeking to serve it at once with all the strength of his soul, seeking for immediate action, and ready to sacrifice everything, life itself, for it. Though these young men unhappily fail to understand that the sacrifice of life is, in many cases, the easiest of all sacrifices, and that to sacrifice, for instance, five or six years of their seething youth to hard and tedious study, if only to multiply tenfold their powers of serving the truth and the cause they have set before them as their goal&#8212;such a sacrifice is utterly beyond the strength of many of them. The path Alyosha chose was a path going in the opposite direction, but he chose it with the same thirst for swift achievement. As soon as he reflected seriously he was convinced of the existence of God and immortality, and at once he instinctively said to himself: &#8220;I want to live for immortality, and I will accept no compromise.&#8221; In the same way, if he had decided that God and immortality did not exist, he would at once have become an atheist and a socialist. For socialism is not merely the labor question, it is before all things the atheistic question, the question of the form taken by atheism to-day, the question of the tower of Babel built without God, not to mount to heaven from earth but to set up heaven on earth. Alyosha would have found it strange and impossible to go on living as before. It is written: &#8220;Give all that thou hast to the poor and follow Me, if thou wouldst be perfect.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha said to himself: &#8220;I can't give two roubles instead of &#8216;all,' and only go to mass instead of &#8216;following Him.' &#8221; Perhaps his memories of childhood brought back our monastery, to which his mother may have taken him to mass. Perhaps the slanting sunlight and the holy image to which his poor &#8220;crazy&#8221; mother had held him up still acted upon his imagination. Brooding on these things he may have come to us perhaps only to see whether here he could sacrifice all or only &#8220;two roubles,&#8221; and in the monastery he met this elder. I must digress to explain what an &#8220;elder&#8221; is in Russian monasteries, and I am sorry that I do not feel very competent to do so. I will try, however, to give a superficial account of it in a few words. Authorities on the subject assert that the institution of &#8220;elders&#8221; is of recent date, not more than a hundred years old in our monasteries, though in the orthodox East, especially in Sinai and Athos, it has existed over a thousand years. It is maintained that it existed in ancient times in Russia also, but through the calamities which overtook Russia&#8212;the Tartars, civil war, the interruption of relations with the East after the destruction of Constantinople&#8212;this institution fell into oblivion. It was revived among us towards the end of last century by one of the great &#8220;ascetics,&#8221; as they called him, Pa&#239;ssy Velitchkovsky, and his disciples. But to this day it exists in few monasteries only, and has sometimes been almost persecuted as an innovation in Russia. It flourished especially in the celebrated Kozelski Optin Monastery. When and how it was introduced into our monastery I cannot say. There had already been three such elders and Zossima was the last of them. But he was almost dying of weakness and disease, and they had no one to take his place. The question for our monastery was an important one, for it had not been distinguished by anything in particular till then: they had neither relics of saints, nor wonder-working ikons, nor glorious traditions, nor historical exploits. It had flourished and been glorious all over Russia through its elders, to see and hear whom pilgrims had flocked for thousands of miles from all parts.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was such an elder? An elder was one who took your soul, your will, into his soul and his will. When you choose an elder, you renounce your own will and yield it to him in complete submission, complete self-abnegation. This novitiate, this terrible school of abnegation, is undertaken voluntarily, in the hope of self-conquest, of self-mastery, in order, after a life of obedience, to attain perfect freedom, that is, from self; to escape the lot of those who have lived their whole life without finding their true selves in themselves. This institution of elders is not founded on theory, but was established in the East from the practice of a thousand years. The obligations due to an elder are not the ordinary &#8220;obedience&#8221; which has always existed in our Russian monasteries. The obligation involves confession to the elder by all who have submitted themselves to him, and to the indissoluble bond between him and them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The story is told, for instance, that in the early days of Christianity one such novice, failing to fulfill some command laid upon him by his elder, left his monastery in Syria and went to Egypt. There, after great exploits, he was found worthy at last to suffer torture and a martyr's death for the faith. When the Church, regarding him as a saint, was burying him, suddenly, at the deacon's exhortation, &#8220;Depart all ye unbaptized,&#8221; the coffin containing the martyr's body left its place and was cast forth from the church, and this took place three times. And only at last they learnt that this holy man had broken his vow of obedience and left his elder, and, therefore, could not be forgiven without the elder's absolution in spite of his great deeds. Only after this could the funeral take place. This, of course, is only an old legend. But here is a recent instance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A monk was suddenly commanded by his elder to quit Athos, which he loved as a sacred place and a haven of refuge, and to go first to Jerusalem to do homage to the Holy Places and then to go to the north to Siberia: &#8220;There is the place for thee and not here.&#8221; The monk, overwhelmed with sorrow, went to the &#338;cumenical Patriarch at Constantinople and besought him to release him from his obedience. But the Patriarch replied that not only was he unable to release him, but there was not and could not be on earth a power which could release him except the elder who had himself laid that duty upon him. In this way the elders are endowed in certain cases with unbounded and inexplicable authority. That is why in many of our monasteries the institution was at first resisted almost to persecution. Meantime the elders immediately began to be highly esteemed among the people. Masses of the ignorant people as well as men of distinction flocked, for instance, to the elders of our monastery to confess their doubts, their sins, and their sufferings, and ask for counsel and admonition. Seeing this, the opponents of the elders declared that the sacrament of confession was being arbitrarily and frivolously degraded, though the continual opening of the heart to the elder by the monk or the layman had nothing of the character of the sacrament. In the end, however, the institution of elders has been retained and is becoming established in Russian monasteries. It is true, perhaps, that this instrument which had stood the test of a thousand years for the moral regeneration of a man from slavery to freedom and to moral perfectibility may be a two-edged weapon and it may lead some not to humility and complete self-control but to the most Satanic pride, that is, to bondage and not to freedom.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The elder Zossima was sixty-five. He came of a family of landowners, had been in the army in early youth, and served in the Caucasus as an officer. He had, no doubt, impressed Alyosha by some peculiar quality of his soul. Alyosha lived in the cell of the elder, who was very fond of him and let him wait upon him. It must be noted that Alyosha was bound by no obligation and could go where he pleased and be absent for whole days. Though he wore the monastic dress it was voluntarily, not to be different from others. No doubt he liked to do so. Possibly his youthful imagination was deeply stirred by the power and fame of his elder. It was said that so many people had for years past come to confess their sins to Father Zossima and to entreat him for words of advice and healing, that he had acquired the keenest intuition and could tell from an unknown face what a new-comer wanted, and what was the suffering on his conscience. He sometimes astounded and almost alarmed his visitors by his knowledge of their secrets before they had spoken a word.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha noticed that many, almost all, went in to the elder for the first time with apprehension and uneasiness, but came out with bright and happy faces. Alyosha was particularly struck by the fact that Father Zossima was not at all stern. On the contrary, he was always almost gay. The monks used to say that he was more drawn to those who were more sinful, and the greater the sinner the more he loved him. There were, no doubt, up to the end of his life, among the monks some who hated and envied him, but they were few in number and they were silent, though among them were some of great dignity in the monastery, one, for instance, of the older monks distinguished for his strict keeping of fasts and vows of silence. But the majority were on Father Zossima's side and very many of them loved him with all their hearts, warmly and sincerely. Some were almost fanatically devoted to him, and declared, though not quite aloud, that he was a saint, that there could be no doubt of it, and, seeing that his end was near, they anticipated miracles and great glory to the monastery in the immediate future from his relics. Alyosha had unquestioning faith in the miraculous power of the elder, just as he had unquestioning faith in the story of the coffin that flew out of the church. He saw many who came with sick children or relatives and besought the elder to lay hands on them and to pray over them, return shortly after&#8212;some the next day&#8212;and, falling in tears at the elder's feet, thank him for healing their sick.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Whether they had really been healed or were simply better in the natural course of the disease was a question which did not exist for Alyosha, for he fully believed in the spiritual power of his teacher and rejoiced in his fame, in his glory, as though it were his own triumph. His heart throbbed, and he beamed, as it were, all over when the elder came out to the gates of the hermitage into the waiting crowd of pilgrims of the humbler class who had flocked from all parts of Russia on purpose to see the elder and obtain his blessing. They fell down before him, wept, kissed his feet, kissed the earth on which he stood, and wailed, while the women held up their children to him and brought him the sick &#8220;possessed with devils.&#8221; The elder spoke to them, read a brief prayer over them, blessed them, and dismissed them. Of late he had become so weak through attacks of illness that he was sometimes unable to leave his cell, and the pilgrims waited for him to come out for several days. Alyosha did not wonder why they loved him so, why they fell down before him and wept with emotion merely at seeing his face. Oh! he understood that for the humble soul of the Russian peasant, worn out by grief and toil, and still more by the everlasting injustice and everlasting sin, his own and the world's, it was the greatest need and comfort to find some one or something holy to fall down before and worship.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Among us there is sin, injustice, and temptation, but yet, somewhere on earth there is some one holy and exalted. He has the truth; he knows the truth; so it is not dead upon the earth; so it will come one day to us, too, and rule over all the earth according to the promise.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha knew that this was just how the people felt and even reasoned. He understood it, but that the elder Zossima was this saint and custodian of God's truth&#8212;of that he had no more doubt than the weeping peasants and the sick women who held out their children to the elder. The conviction that after his death the elder would bring extraordinary glory to the monastery was even stronger in Alyosha than in anyone there, and, of late, a kind of deep flame of inner ecstasy burnt more and more strongly in his heart. He was not at all troubled at this elder's standing as a solitary example before him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No matter. He is holy. He carries in his heart the secret of renewal for all: that power which will, at last, establish truth on the earth, and all men will be holy and love one another, and there will be no more rich nor poor, no exalted nor humbled, but all will be as the children of God, and the true Kingdom of Christ will come.&#8221; That was the dream in Alyosha's heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The arrival of his two brothers, whom he had not known till then, seemed to make a great impression on Alyosha. He more quickly made friends with his half-brother Dmitri (though he arrived later) than with his own brother Ivan. He was extremely interested in his brother Ivan, but when the latter had been two months in the town, though they had met fairly often, they were still not intimate. Alyosha was naturally silent, and he seemed to be expecting something, ashamed about something, while his brother Ivan, though Alyosha noticed at first that he looked long and curiously at him, seemed soon to have left off thinking of him. Alyosha noticed it with some embarrassment. He ascribed his brother's indifference at first to the disparity of their age and education. But he also wondered whether the absence of curiosity and sympathy in Ivan might be due to some other cause entirely unknown to him. He kept fancying that Ivan was absorbed in something&#8212;something inward and important&#8212;that he was striving towards some goal, perhaps very hard to attain, and that that was why he had no thought for him. Alyosha wondered, too, whether there was not some contempt on the part of the learned atheist for him&#8212;a foolish novice. He knew for certain that his brother was an atheist. He could not take offense at this contempt, if it existed; yet, with an uneasy embarrassment which he did not himself understand, he waited for his brother to come nearer to him. Dmitri used to speak of Ivan with the deepest respect and with a peculiar earnestness. From him Alyosha learnt all the details of the important affair which had of late formed such a close and remarkable bond between the two elder brothers. Dmitri's enthusiastic references to Ivan were the more striking in Alyosha's eyes since Dmitri was, compared with Ivan, almost uneducated, and the two brothers were such a contrast in personality and character that it would be difficult to find two men more unlike.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was at this time that the meeting, or, rather gathering of the members of this inharmonious family took place in the cell of the elder who had such an extraordinary influence on Alyosha. The pretext for this gathering was a false one. It was at this time that the discord between Dmitri and his father seemed at its acutest stage and their relations had become insufferably strained. Fyodor Pavlovitch seems to have been the first to suggest, apparently in joke, that they should all meet in Father Zossima's cell, and that, without appealing to his direct intervention, they might more decently come to an understanding under the conciliating influence of the elder's presence. Dmitri, who had never seen the elder, naturally supposed that his father was trying to intimidate him, but, as he secretly blamed himself for his outbursts of temper with his father on several recent occasions, he accepted the challenge. It must be noted that he was not, like Ivan, staying with his father, but living apart at the other end of the town. It happened that Pyotr Alexandrovitch Mi&#252;sov, who was staying in the district at the time, caught eagerly at the idea. A Liberal of the forties and fifties, a freethinker and atheist, he may have been led on by boredom or the hope of frivolous diversion. He was suddenly seized with the desire to see the monastery and the holy man. As his lawsuit with the monastery still dragged on, he made it the pretext for seeing the Superior, in order to attempt to settle it amicably. A visitor coming with such laudable intentions might be received with more attention and consideration than if he came from simple curiosity. Influences from within the monastery were brought to bear on the elder, who of late had scarcely left his cell, and had been forced by illness to deny even his ordinary visitors. In the end he consented to see them, and the day was fixed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who has made me a judge over them?&#8221; was all he said, smilingly, to Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha was much perturbed when he heard of the proposed visit. Of all the wrangling, quarrelsome party, Dmitri was the only one who could regard the interview seriously. All the others would come from frivolous motives, perhaps insulting to the elder. Alyosha was well aware of that. Ivan and Mi&#252;sov would come from curiosity, perhaps of the coarsest kind, while his father might be contemplating some piece of buffoonery. Though he said nothing, Alyosha thoroughly understood his father. The boy, I repeat, was far from being so simple as every one thought him. He awaited the day with a heavy heart. No doubt he was always pondering in his mind how the family discord could be ended. But his chief anxiety concerned the elder. He trembled for him, for his glory, and dreaded any affront to him, especially the refined, courteous irony of Mi&#252;sov and the supercilious half-utterances of the highly educated Ivan. He even wanted to venture on warning the elder, telling him something about them, but, on second thoughts, said nothing. He only sent word the day before, through a friend, to his brother Dmitri, that he loved him and expected him to keep his promise. Dmitri wondered, for he could not remember what he had promised, but he answered by letter that he would do his utmost not to let himself be provoked &#8220;by vileness,&#8221; but that, although he had a deep respect for the elder and for his brother Ivan, he was convinced that the meeting was either a trap for him or an unworthy farce.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nevertheless I would rather bite my tongue out than be lacking in respect to the sainted man whom you reverence so highly,&#8221; he wrote in conclusion. Alyosha was not greatly cheered by the letter.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;BOOKII&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;BOOK II. AN UNFORTUNATE GATHERING&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I. THEY ARRIVE AT THE MONASTERY&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It was a warm, bright day at the end of August. The interview with the elder had been fixed for half-past eleven, immediately after late mass. Our visitors did not take part in the service, but arrived just as it was over. First an elegant open carriage, drawn by two valuable horses, drove up with Mi&#252;sov and a distant relative of his, a young man of twenty, called Pyotr Fomitch Kalganov. This young man was preparing to enter the university. Mi&#252;sov, with whom he was staying for the time, was trying to persuade him to go abroad to the university of Zurich or Jena. The young man was still undecided. He was thoughtful and absent-minded. He was nice-looking, strongly built, and rather tall. There was a strange fixity in his gaze at times. Like all very absent-minded people he would sometimes stare at a person without seeing him. He was silent and rather awkward, but sometimes, when he was alone with anyone, he became talkative and effusive, and would laugh at anything or nothing. But his animation vanished as quickly as it appeared. He was always well and even elaborately dressed; he had already some independent fortune and expectations of much more. He was a friend of Alyosha's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In an ancient, jolting, but roomy, hired carriage, with a pair of old pinkish-gray horses, a long way behind Mi&#252;sov's carriage, came Fyodor Pavlovitch, with his son Ivan. Dmitri was late, though he had been informed of the time the evening before. The visitors left their carriage at the hotel, outside the precincts, and went to the gates of the monastery on foot. Except Fyodor Pavlovitch, none of the party had ever seen the monastery, and Mi&#252;sov had probably not even been to church for thirty years. He looked about him with curiosity, together with assumed ease. But, except the church and the domestic buildings, though these too were ordinary enough, he found nothing of interest in the interior of the monastery. The last of the worshippers were coming out of the church, bareheaded and crossing themselves. Among the humbler people were a few of higher rank&#8212;two or three ladies and a very old general. They were all staying at the hotel. Our visitors were at once surrounded by beggars, but none of them gave them anything, except young Kalganov, who took a ten-copeck piece out of his purse, and, nervous and embarrassed&#8212;God knows why!&#8212;hurriedly gave it to an old woman, saying: &#8220;Divide it equally.&#8221; None of his companions made any remark upon it, so that he had no reason to be embarrassed; but, perceiving this, he was even more overcome.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was strange that their arrival did not seem expected, and that they were not received with special honor, though one of them had recently made a donation of a thousand roubles, while another was a very wealthy and highly cultured landowner, upon whom all in the monastery were in a sense dependent, as a decision of the lawsuit might at any moment put their fishing rights in his hands. Yet no official personage met them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mi&#252;sov looked absent-mindedly at the tombstones round the church, and was on the point of saying that the dead buried here must have paid a pretty penny for the right of lying in this &#8220;holy place,&#8221; but refrained. His liberal irony was rapidly changing almost into anger.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who the devil is there to ask in this imbecile place? We must find out, for time is passing,&#8221; he observed suddenly, as though speaking to himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All at once there came up a bald-headed, elderly man with ingratiating little eyes, wearing a full, summer overcoat. Lifting his hat, he introduced himself with a honeyed lisp as Maximov, a landowner of Tula. He at once entered into our visitors' difficulty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father Zossima lives in the hermitage, apart, four hundred paces from the monastery, the other side of the copse.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know it's the other side of the copse,&#8221; observed Fyodor Pavlovitch, &#8220;but we don't remember the way. It is a long time since we've been here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This way, by this gate, and straight across the copse ... the copse. Come with me, won't you? I'll show you. I have to go.... I am going myself. This way, this way.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They came out of the gate and turned towards the copse. Maximov, a man of sixty, ran rather than walked, turning sideways to stare at them all, with an incredible degree of nervous curiosity. His eyes looked starting out of his head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see, we have come to the elder upon business of our own,&#8221; observed Mi&#252;sov severely. &#8220;That personage has granted us an audience, so to speak, and so, though we thank you for showing us the way, we cannot ask you to accompany us.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've been there. I've been already; &lt;i&gt;un chevalier parfait&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb3&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;un chevalier parfait &#8211; a perfect knight&#034; id=&#034;nh3&#034;&gt;3&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;,&#8221; and Maximov snapped his fingers in the air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who is a &lt;i&gt;chevalier&lt;/i&gt;?&#8221; asked Mi&#252;sov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The elder, the splendid elder, the elder! The honor and glory of the monastery, Zossima. Such an elder!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But his incoherent talk was cut short by a very pale, wan-looking monk of medium height, wearing a monk's cap, who overtook them. Fyodor Pavlovitch and Mi&#252;sov stopped.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The monk, with an extremely courteous, profound bow, announced:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The Father Superior invites all of you gentlemen to dine with him after your visit to the hermitage. At one o'clock, not later. And you also,&#8221; he added, addressing Maximov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That I certainly will, without fail,&#8221; cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, hugely delighted at the invitation. &#8220;And, believe me, we've all given our word to behave properly here.... And you, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, will you go, too?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, of course. What have I come for but to study all the customs here? The only obstacle to me is your company....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Dmitri Fyodorovitch is non-existent as yet.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It would be a capital thing if he didn't turn up. Do you suppose I like all this business, and in your company, too? So we will come to dinner. Thank the Father Superior,&#8221; he said to the monk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it is my duty now to conduct you to the elder,&#8221; answered the monk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If so I'll go straight to the Father Superior&#8212;to the Father Superior,&#8221; babbled Maximov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The Father Superior is engaged just now. But as you please&#8212;&#8221; the monk hesitated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Impertinent old man!&#8221; Mi&#252;sov observed aloud, while Maximov ran back to the monastery.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's like von Sohn,&#8221; Fyodor Pavlovitch said suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is that all you can think of?... In what way is he like von Sohn? Have you ever seen von Sohn?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've seen his portrait. It's not the features, but something indefinable. He's a second von Sohn. I can always tell from the physiognomy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, I dare say you are a connoisseur in that. But, look here, Fyodor Pavlovitch, you said just now that we had given our word to behave properly. Remember it. I advise you to control yourself. But, if you begin to play the fool I don't intend to be associated with you here.... You see what a man he is&#8221;&#8212;he turned to the monk&#8212;&#8220;I'm afraid to go among decent people with him.&#8221; A fine smile, not without a certain slyness, came on to the pale, bloodless lips of the monk, but he made no reply, and was evidently silent from a sense of his own dignity. Mi&#252;sov frowned more than ever.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, devil take them all! An outer show elaborated through centuries, and nothing but charlatanism and nonsense underneath,&#8221; flashed through Mi&#252;sov's mind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here's the hermitage. We've arrived,&#8221; cried Fyodor Pavlovitch. &#8220;The gates are shut.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he repeatedly made the sign of the cross to the saints painted above and on the sides of the gates.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When you go to Rome you must do as the Romans do. Here in this hermitage there are twenty-five saints being saved. They look at one another, and eat cabbages. And not one woman goes in at this gate. That's what is remarkable. And that really is so. But I did hear that the elder receives ladies,&#8221; he remarked suddenly to the monk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Women of the people are here too now, lying in the portico there waiting. But for ladies of higher rank two rooms have been built adjoining the portico, but outside the precincts&#8212;you can see the windows&#8212;and the elder goes out to them by an inner passage when he is well enough. They are always outside the precincts. There is a Harkov lady, Madame Hohlakov, waiting there now with her sick daughter. Probably he has promised to come out to her, though of late he has been so weak that he has hardly shown himself even to the people.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So then there are loopholes, after all, to creep out of the hermitage to the ladies. Don't suppose, holy father, that I mean any harm. But do you know that at Athos not only the visits of women are not allowed, but no creature of the female sex&#8212;no hens, nor turkey-hens, nor cows.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fyodor Pavlovitch, I warn you I shall go back and leave you here. They'll turn you out when I'm gone.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I'm not interfering with you, Pyotr Alexandrovitch. Look,&#8221; he cried suddenly, stepping within the precincts, &#8220;what a vale of roses they live in!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though there were no roses now, there were numbers of rare and beautiful autumn flowers growing wherever there was space for them, and evidently tended by a skillful hand; there were flower-beds round the church, and between the tombs; and the one-storied wooden house where the elder lived was also surrounded with flowers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And was it like this in the time of the last elder, Varsonofy? He didn't care for such elegance. They say he used to jump up and thrash even ladies with a stick,&#8221; observed Fyodor Pavlovitch, as he went up the steps.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The elder Varsonofy did sometimes seem rather strange, but a great deal that's told is foolishness. He never thrashed any one,&#8221; answered the monk. &#8220;Now, gentlemen, if you will wait a minute I will announce you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fyodor Pavlovitch, for the last time, your compact, do you hear? Behave properly or I will pay you out!&#8221; Mi&#252;sov had time to mutter again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can't think why you are so agitated,&#8221; Fyodor Pavlovitch observed sarcastically. &#8220;Are you uneasy about your sins? They say he can tell by one's eyes what one has come about. And what a lot you think of their opinion! you, a Parisian, and so advanced. I'm surprised at you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Mi&#252;sov had no time to reply to this sarcasm. They were asked to come in. He walked in, somewhat irritated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, I know myself, I am annoyed, I shall lose my temper and begin to quarrel&#8212;and lower myself and my ideas,&#8221; he reflected.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II. THE OLD BUFFOON&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;They entered the room almost at the same moment that the elder came in from his bedroom. There were already in the cell, awaiting the elder, two monks of the hermitage, one the Father Librarian, and the other Father Pa&#239;ssy, a very learned man, so they said, in delicate health, though not old. There was also a tall young man, who looked about two and twenty, standing in the corner throughout the interview. He had a broad, fresh face, and clever, observant, narrow brown eyes, and was wearing ordinary dress. He was a divinity student, living under the protection of the monastery. His expression was one of unquestioning, but self-respecting, reverence. Being in a subordinate and dependent position, and so not on an equality with the guests, he did not greet them with a bow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Father Zossima was accompanied by a novice, and by Alyosha. The two monks rose and greeted him with a very deep bow, touching the ground with their fingers; then kissed his hand. Blessing them, the elder replied with as deep a reverence to them, and asked their blessing. The whole ceremony was performed very seriously and with an appearance of feeling, not like an everyday rite. But Mi&#252;sov fancied that it was all done with intentional impressiveness. He stood in front of the other visitors. He ought&#8212;he had reflected upon it the evening before&#8212;from simple politeness, since it was the custom here, to have gone up to receive the elder's blessing, even if he did not kiss his hand. But when he saw all this bowing and kissing on the part of the monks he instantly changed his mind. With dignified gravity he made a rather deep, conventional bow, and moved away to a chair. Fyodor Pavlovitch did the same, mimicking Mi&#252;sov like an ape. Ivan bowed with great dignity and courtesy, but he too kept his hands at his sides, while Kalganov was so confused that he did not bow at all. The elder let fall the hand raised to bless them, and bowing to them again, asked them all to sit down. The blood rushed to Alyosha's cheeks. He was ashamed. His forebodings were coming true.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Father Zossima sat down on a very old-fashioned mahogany sofa, covered with leather, and made his visitors sit down in a row along the opposite wall on four mahogany chairs, covered with shabby black leather. The monks sat, one at the door and the other at the window. The divinity student, the novice, and Alyosha remained standing. The cell was not very large and had a faded look. It contained nothing but the most necessary furniture, of coarse and poor quality. There were two pots of flowers in the window, and a number of holy pictures in the corner. Before one huge ancient ikon of the Virgin a lamp was burning. Near it were two other holy pictures in shining settings, and, next them, carved cherubims, china eggs, a Catholic cross of ivory, with a Mater Dolorosa embracing it, and several foreign engravings from the great Italian artists of past centuries. Next to these costly and artistic engravings were several of the roughest Russian prints of saints and martyrs, such as are sold for a few farthings at all the fairs. On the other walls were portraits of Russian bishops, past and present.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mi&#252;sov took a cursory glance at all these &#8220;conventional&#8221; surroundings and bent an intent look upon the elder. He had a high opinion of his own insight, a weakness excusable in him as he was fifty, an age at which a clever man of the world of established position can hardly help taking himself rather seriously. At the first moment he did not like Zossima. There was, indeed, something in the elder's face which many people besides Mi&#252;sov might not have liked. He was a short, bent, little man, with very weak legs, and though he was only sixty-five, he looked at least ten years older. His face was very thin and covered with a network of fine wrinkles, particularly numerous about his eyes, which were small, light-colored, quick, and shining like two bright points. He had a sprinkling of gray hair about his temples. His pointed beard was small and scanty, and his lips, which smiled frequently, were as thin as two threads. His nose was not long, but sharp, like a bird's beak.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To all appearances a malicious soul, full of petty pride,&#8221; thought Mi&#252;sov. He felt altogether dissatisfied with his position.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A cheap little clock on the wall struck twelve hurriedly, and served to begin the conversation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Precisely to our time,&#8221; cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, &#8220;but no sign of my son, Dmitri. I apologize for him, sacred elder!&#8221; (Alyosha shuddered all over at &#8220;sacred elder.&#8221;) &#8220;I am always punctual myself, minute for minute, remembering that punctuality is the courtesy of kings....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you are not a king, anyway,&#8221; Mi&#252;sov muttered, losing his self-restraint at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; that's true. I'm not a king, and, would you believe it, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, I was aware of that myself. But, there! I always say the wrong thing. Your reverence,&#8221; he cried, with sudden pathos, &#8220;you behold before you a buffoon in earnest! I introduce myself as such. It's an old habit, alas! And if I sometimes talk nonsense out of place it's with an object, with the object of amusing people and making myself agreeable. One must be agreeable, mustn't one? I was seven years ago in a little town where I had business, and I made friends with some merchants there. We went to the captain of police because we had to see him about something, and to ask him to dine with us. He was a tall, fat, fair, sulky man, the most dangerous type in such cases. It's their liver. I went straight up to him, and with the ease of a man of the world, you know, &#8216;Mr. Ispravnik,' said I, &#8216;be our Napravnik.' &#8216;What do you mean by Napravnik?' said he. I saw, at the first half-second, that it had missed fire. He stood there so glum. &#8216;I wanted to make a joke,' said I, &#8216;for the general diversion, as Mr. Napravnik is our well-known Russian orchestra conductor and what we need for the harmony of our undertaking is some one of that sort.' And I explained my comparison very reasonably, didn't I? &#8216;Excuse me,' said he, &#8216;I am an Ispravnik, and I do not allow puns to be made on my calling.' He turned and walked away. I followed him, shouting, &#8216;Yes, yes, you are an Ispravnik, not a Napravnik.' &#8216;No,' he said, &#8216;since you called me a Napravnik I am one.' And would you believe it, it ruined our business! And I'm always like that, always like that. Always injuring myself with my politeness. Once, many years ago, I said to an influential person: &#8216;Your wife is a ticklish lady,' in an honorable sense, of the moral qualities, so to speak. But he asked me, &#8216;Why, have you tickled her?' I thought I'd be polite, so I couldn't help saying, &#8216;Yes,' and he gave me a fine tickling on the spot. Only that happened long ago, so I'm not ashamed to tell the story. I'm always injuring myself like that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're doing it now,&#8221; muttered Mi&#252;sov, with disgust.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Father Zossima scrutinized them both in silence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Am I? Would you believe it, I was aware of that, too, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, and let me tell you, indeed, I foresaw I should as soon as I began to speak. And do you know I foresaw, too, that you'd be the first to remark on it. The minute I see my joke isn't coming off, your reverence, both my cheeks feel as though they were drawn down to the lower jaw and there is almost a spasm in them. That's been so since I was young, when I had to make jokes for my living in noblemen's families. I am an inveterate buffoon, and have been from birth up, your reverence, it's as though it were a craze in me. I dare say it's a devil within me. But only a little one. A more serious one would have chosen another lodging. But not your soul, Pyotr Alexandrovitch; you're not a lodging worth having either. But I do believe&#8212;I believe in God, though I have had doubts of late. But now I sit and await words of wisdom. I'm like the philosopher, Diderot, your reverence. Did you ever hear, most Holy Father, how Diderot went to see the Metropolitan Platon, in the time of the Empress Catherine? He went in and said straight out, &#8216;There is no God.' To which the great bishop lifted up his finger and answered, &#8216;The fool hath said in his heart there is no God.' And he fell down at his feet on the spot. &#8216;I believe,' he cried, &#8216;and will be christened.' And so he was. Princess Dashkov was his godmother, and Potyomkin his godfather.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fyodor Pavlovitch, this is unbearable! You know you're telling lies and that that stupid anecdote isn't true. Why are you playing the fool?&#8221; cried Mi&#252;sov in a shaking voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I suspected all my life that it wasn't true,&#8221; Fyodor Pavlovitch cried with conviction. &#8220;But I'll tell you the whole truth, gentlemen. Great elder! Forgive me, the last thing about Diderot's christening I made up just now. I never thought of it before. I made it up to add piquancy. I play the fool, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, to make myself agreeable. Though I really don't know myself, sometimes, what I do it for. And as for Diderot, I heard as far as &#8216;the fool hath said in his heart' twenty times from the gentry about here when I was young. I heard your aunt, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, tell the story. They all believe to this day that the infidel Diderot came to dispute about God with the Metropolitan Platon....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mi&#252;sov got up, forgetting himself in his impatience. He was furious, and conscious of being ridiculous.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was taking place in the cell was really incredible. For forty or fifty years past, from the times of former elders, no visitors had entered that cell without feelings of the profoundest veneration. Almost every one admitted to the cell felt that a great favor was being shown him. Many remained kneeling during the whole visit. Of those visitors, many had been men of high rank and learning, some even freethinkers, attracted by curiosity, but all without exception had shown the profoundest reverence and delicacy, for here there was no question of money, but only, on the one side love and kindness, and on the other penitence and eager desire to decide some spiritual problem or crisis. So that such buffoonery amazed and bewildered the spectators, or at least some of them. The monks, with unchanged countenances, waited, with earnest attention, to hear what the elder would say, but seemed on the point of standing up, like Mi&#252;sov. Alyosha stood, with hanging head, on the verge of tears. What seemed to him strangest of all was that his brother Ivan, on whom alone he had rested his hopes, and who alone had such influence on his father that he could have stopped him, sat now quite unmoved, with downcast eyes, apparently waiting with interest to see how it would end, as though he had nothing to do with it. Alyosha did not dare to look at Rakitin, the divinity student, whom he knew almost intimately. He alone in the monastery knew Rakitin's thoughts.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive me,&#8221; began Mi&#252;sov, addressing Father Zossima, &#8220;for perhaps I seem to be taking part in this shameful foolery. I made a mistake in believing that even a man like Fyodor Pavlovitch would understand what was due on a visit to so honored a personage. I did not suppose I should have to apologize simply for having come with him....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pyotr Alexandrovitch could say no more, and was about to leave the room, overwhelmed with confusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't distress yourself, I beg.&#8221; The elder got on to his feeble legs, and taking Pyotr Alexandrovitch by both hands, made him sit down again. &#8220;I beg you not to disturb yourself. I particularly beg you to be my guest.&#8221; And with a bow he went back and sat down again on his little sofa.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Great elder, speak! Do I annoy you by my vivacity?&#8221; Fyodor Pavlovitch cried suddenly, clutching the arms of his chair in both hands, as though ready to leap up from it if the answer were unfavorable.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I earnestly beg you, too, not to disturb yourself, and not to be uneasy,&#8221; the elder said impressively. &#8220;Do not trouble. Make yourself quite at home. And, above all, do not be so ashamed of yourself, for that is at the root of it all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quite at home? To be my natural self? Oh, that is much too much, but I accept it with grateful joy. Do you know, blessed Father, you'd better not invite me to be my natural self. Don't risk it.... I will not go so far as that myself. I warn you for your own sake. Well, the rest is still plunged in the mists of uncertainty, though there are people who'd be pleased to describe me for you. I mean that for you, Pyotr Alexandrovitch. But as for you, holy being, let me tell you, I am brimming over with ecstasy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He got up, and throwing up his hands, declaimed, &#8220;Blessed be the womb that bare thee, and the paps that gave thee suck&#8212;the paps especially. When you said just now, &#8216;Don't be so ashamed of yourself, for that is at the root of it all,' you pierced right through me by that remark, and read me to the core. Indeed, I always feel when I meet people that I am lower than all, and that they all take me for a buffoon. So I say, &#8216;Let me really play the buffoon. I am not afraid of your opinion, for you are every one of you worse than I am.' That is why I am a buffoon. It is from shame, great elder, from shame; it's simply over-sensitiveness that makes me rowdy. If I had only been sure that every one would accept me as the kindest and wisest of men, oh, Lord, what a good man I should have been then! Teacher!&#8221; he fell suddenly on his knees, &#8220;what must I do to gain eternal life?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was difficult even now to decide whether he was joking or really moved.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Father Zossima, lifting his eyes, looked at him, and said with a smile:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have known for a long time what you must do. You have sense enough: don't give way to drunkenness and incontinence of speech; don't give way to sensual lust; and, above all, to the love of money. And close your taverns. If you can't close all, at least two or three. And, above all&#8212;don't lie.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You mean about Diderot?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, not about Diderot. Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love, and in order to occupy and distract himself without love he gives way to passions and coarse pleasures, and sinks to bestiality in his vices, all from continual lying to other men and to himself. The man who lies to himself can be more easily offended than any one. You know it is sometimes very pleasant to take offense, isn't it? A man may know that nobody has insulted him, but that he has invented the insult for himself, has lied and exaggerated to make it picturesque, has caught at a word and made a mountain out of a molehill&#8212;he knows that himself, yet he will be the first to take offense, and will revel in his resentment till he feels great pleasure in it, and so pass to genuine vindictiveness. But get up, sit down, I beg you. All this, too, is deceitful posturing....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Blessed man! Give me your hand to kiss.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fyodor Pavlovitch skipped up, and imprinted a rapid kiss on the elder's thin hand. &#8220;It is, it is pleasant to take offense. You said that so well, as I never heard it before. Yes, I have been all my life taking offense, to please myself, taking offense on esthetic grounds, for it is not so much pleasant as distinguished sometimes to be insulted&#8212;that you had forgotten, great elder, it is distinguished! I shall make a note of that. But I have been lying, lying positively my whole life long, every day and hour of it. Of a truth, I am a lie, and the father of lies. Though I believe I am not the father of lies. I am getting mixed in my texts. Say, the son of lies, and that will be enough. Only ... my angel ... I may sometimes talk about Diderot! Diderot will do no harm, though sometimes a word will do harm. Great elder, by the way, I was forgetting, though I had been meaning for the last two years to come here on purpose to ask and to find out something. Only do tell Pyotr Alexandrovitch not to interrupt me. Here is my question: Is it true, great Father, that the story is told somewhere in the &lt;i&gt;Lives of the Saints&lt;/i&gt; of a holy saint martyred for his faith who, when his head was cut off at last, stood up, picked up his head, and, &#8216;courteously kissing it,' walked a long way, carrying it in his hands. Is that true or not, honored Father?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it is untrue,&#8221; said the elder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is nothing of the kind in all the lives of the saints. What saint do you say the story is told of?&#8221; asked the Father Librarian.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I do not know what saint. I do not know, and can't tell. I was deceived. I was told the story. I had heard it, and do you know who told it? Pyotr Alexandrovitch Mi&#252;sov here, who was so angry just now about Diderot. He it was who told the story.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have never told it you, I never speak to you at all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is true you did not tell me, but you told it when I was present. It was three years ago. I mentioned it because by that ridiculous story you shook my faith, Pyotr Alexandrovitch. You knew nothing of it, but I went home with my faith shaken, and I have been getting more and more shaken ever since. Yes, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, you were the cause of a great fall. That was not a Diderot!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fyodor Pavlovitch got excited and pathetic, though it was perfectly clear to every one by now that he was playing a part again. Yet Mi&#252;sov was stung by his words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What nonsense, and it is all nonsense,&#8221; he muttered. &#8220;I may really have told it, some time or other ... but not to you. I was told it myself. I heard it in Paris from a Frenchman. He told me it was read at our mass from the &lt;i&gt;Lives of the Saints&lt;/i&gt; ... he was a very learned man who had made a special study of Russian statistics and had lived a long time in Russia.... I have not read the &lt;i&gt;Lives of the Saints&lt;/i&gt; myself, and I am not going to read them ... all sorts of things are said at dinner&#8212;we were dining then.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, you were dining then, and so I lost my faith!&#8221; said Fyodor Pavlovitch, mimicking him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do I care for your faith?&#8221; Mi&#252;sov was on the point of shouting, but he suddenly checked himself, and said with contempt, &#8220;You defile everything you touch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The elder suddenly rose from his seat. &#8220;Excuse me, gentlemen, for leaving you a few minutes,&#8221; he said, addressing all his guests. &#8220;I have visitors awaiting me who arrived before you. But don't you tell lies all the same,&#8221; he added, turning to Fyodor Pavlovitch with a good-humored face. He went out of the cell. Alyosha and the novice flew to escort him down the steps. Alyosha was breathless: he was glad to get away, but he was glad, too, that the elder was good-humored and not offended. Father Zossima was going towards the portico to bless the people waiting for him there. But Fyodor Pavlovitch persisted in stopping him at the door of the cell.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Blessed man!&#8221; he cried, with feeling. &#8220;Allow me to kiss your hand once more. Yes, with you I could still talk, I could still get on. Do you think I always lie and play the fool like this? Believe me, I have been acting like this all the time on purpose to try you. I have been testing you all the time to see whether I could get on with you. Is there room for my humility beside your pride? I am ready to give you a testimonial that one can get on with you! But now, I'll be quiet; I will keep quiet all the time. I'll sit in a chair and hold my tongue. Now it is for you to speak, Pyotr Alexandrovitch. You are the principal person left now&#8212;for ten minutes.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III. PEASANT WOMEN WHO HAVE FAITH&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Near the wooden portico below, built on to the outer wall of the precinct, there was a crowd of about twenty peasant women. They had been told that the elder was at last coming out, and they had gathered together in anticipation. Two ladies, Madame Hohlakov and her daughter, had also come out into the portico to wait for the elder, but in a separate part of it set aside for women of rank.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Hohlakov was a wealthy lady, still young and attractive, and always dressed with taste. She was rather pale, and had lively black eyes. She was not more than thirty-three, and had been five years a widow. Her daughter, a girl of fourteen, was partially paralyzed. The poor child had not been able to walk for the last six months, and was wheeled about in a long reclining chair. She had a charming little face, rather thin from illness, but full of gayety. There was a gleam of mischief in her big dark eyes with their long lashes. Her mother had been intending to take her abroad ever since the spring, but they had been detained all the summer by business connected with their estate. They had been staying a week in our town, where they had come more for purposes of business than devotion, but had visited Father Zossima once already, three days before. Though they knew that the elder scarcely saw any one, they had now suddenly turned up again, and urgently entreated &#8220;the happiness of looking once again on the great healer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The mother was sitting on a chair by the side of her daughter's invalid carriage, and two paces from her stood an old monk, not one of our monastery, but a visitor from an obscure religious house in the far north. He too sought the elder's blessing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Father Zossima, on entering the portico, went first straight to the peasants who were crowded at the foot of the three steps that led up into the portico. Father Zossima stood on the top step, put on his stole, and began blessing the women who thronged about him. One crazy woman was led up to him. As soon as she caught sight of the elder she began shrieking and writhing as though in the pains of childbirth. Laying the stole on her forehead, he read a short prayer over her, and she was at once soothed and quieted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I do not know how it may be now, but in my childhood I often happened to see and hear these &#8220;possessed&#8221; women in the villages and monasteries. They used to be brought to mass; they would squeal and bark like a dog so that they were heard all over the church. But when the sacrament was carried in and they were led up to it, at once the &#8220;possession&#8221; ceased, and the sick women were always soothed for a time. I was greatly impressed and amazed at this as a child; but then I heard from country neighbors and from my town teachers that the whole illness was simulated to avoid work, and that it could always be cured by suitable severity; various anecdotes were told to confirm this. But later on I learnt with astonishment from medical specialists that there is no pretense about it, that it is a terrible illness to which women are subject, specially prevalent among us in Russia, and that it is due to the hard lot of the peasant women. It is a disease, I was told, arising from exhausting toil too soon after hard, abnormal and unassisted labor in childbirth, and from the hopeless misery, from beatings, and so on, which some women were not able to endure like others. The strange and instant healing of the frantic and struggling woman as soon as she was led up to the holy sacrament, which had been explained to me as due to malingering and the trickery of the &#8220;clericals,&#8221; arose probably in the most natural manner. Both the women who supported her and the invalid herself fully believed as a truth beyond question that the evil spirit in possession of her could not hold out if the sick woman were brought to the sacrament and made to bow down before it. And so, with a nervous and psychically deranged woman, a sort of convulsion of the whole organism always took place, and was bound to take place, at the moment of bowing down to the sacrament, aroused by the expectation of the miracle of healing and the implicit belief that it would come to pass; and it did come to pass, though only for a moment. It was exactly the same now as soon as the elder touched the sick woman with the stole.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Many of the women in the crowd were moved to tears of ecstasy by the effect of the moment: some strove to kiss the hem of his garment, others cried out in sing-song voices.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He blessed them all and talked with some of them. The &#8220;possessed&#8221; woman he knew already. She came from a village only six versts from the monastery, and had been brought to him before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But here is one from afar.&#8221; He pointed to a woman by no means old but very thin and wasted, with a face not merely sunburnt but almost blackened by exposure. She was kneeling and gazing with a fixed stare at the elder; there was something almost frenzied in her eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From afar off, Father, from afar off! From two hundred miles from here. From afar off, Father, from afar off!&#8221; the woman began in a sing-song voice as though she were chanting a dirge, swaying her head from side to side with her cheek resting in her hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There is silent and long-suffering sorrow to be met with among the peasantry. It withdraws into itself and is still. But there is a grief that breaks out, and from that minute it bursts into tears and finds vent in wailing. This is particularly common with women. But it is no lighter a grief than the silent. Lamentations comfort only by lacerating the heart still more. Such grief does not desire consolation. It feeds on the sense of its hopelessness. Lamentations spring only from the constant craving to reopen the wound.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are of the tradesman class?&#8221; said Father Zossima, looking curiously at her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Townfolk we are, Father, townfolk. Yet we are peasants though we live in the town. I have come to see you, O Father! We heard of you, Father, we heard of you. I have buried my little son, and I have come on a pilgrimage. I have been in three monasteries, but they told me, &#8216;Go, Nastasya, go to them'&#8212;that is to you. I have come; I was yesterday at the service, and to-day I have come to you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you weeping for?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's my little son I'm grieving for, Father. He was three years old&#8212;three years all but three months. For my little boy, Father, I'm in anguish, for my little boy. He was the last one left. We had four, my Nikita and I, and now we've no children, our dear ones have all gone. I buried the first three without grieving overmuch, and now I have buried the last I can't forget him. He seems always standing before me. He never leaves me. He has withered my heart. I look at his little clothes, his little shirt, his little boots, and I wail. I lay out all that is left of him, all his little things. I look at them and wail. I say to Nikita, my husband, &#8216;Let me go on a pilgrimage, master.' He is a driver. We're not poor people, Father, not poor; he drives our own horse. It's all our own, the horse and the carriage. And what good is it all to us now? My Nikita has begun drinking while I am away. He's sure to. It used to be so before. As soon as I turn my back he gives way to it. But now I don't think about him. It's three months since I left home. I've forgotten him. I've forgotten everything. I don't want to remember. And what would our life be now together? I've done with him, I've done. I've done with them all. I don't care to look upon my house and my goods. I don't care to see anything at all!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, mother,&#8221; said the elder. &#8220;Once in olden times a holy saint saw in the Temple a mother like you weeping for her little one, her only one, whom God had taken. &#8216;Knowest thou not,' said the saint to her, &#8216;how bold these little ones are before the throne of God? Verily there are none bolder than they in the Kingdom of Heaven. &#8220;Thou didst give us life, O Lord,&#8221; they say, &#8220;and scarcely had we looked upon it when Thou didst take it back again.&#8221; And so boldly they ask and ask again that God gives them at once the rank of angels. Therefore,' said the saint, &#8216;thou, too, O mother, rejoice and weep not, for thy little son is with the Lord in the fellowship of the angels.' That's what the saint said to the weeping mother of old. He was a great saint and he could not have spoken falsely. Therefore you too, mother, know that your little one is surely before the throne of God, is rejoicing and happy, and praying to God for you, and therefore weep not, but rejoice.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The woman listened to him, looking down with her cheek in her hand. She sighed deeply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My Nikita tried to comfort me with the same words as you. &#8216;Foolish one,' he said, &#8216;why weep? Our son is no doubt singing with the angels before God.' He says that to me, but he weeps himself. I see that he cries like me. &#8216;I know, Nikita,' said I. &#8216;Where could he be if not with the Lord God? Only, here with us now he is not as he used to sit beside us before.' And if only I could look upon him one little time, if only I could peep at him one little time, without going up to him, without speaking, if I could be hidden in a corner and only see him for one little minute, hear him playing in the yard, calling in his little voice, &#8216;Mammy, where are you?' If only I could hear him pattering with his little feet about the room just once, only once; for so often, so often I remember how he used to run to me and shout and laugh, if only I could hear his little feet I should know him! But he's gone, Father, he's gone, and I shall never hear him again. Here's his little sash, but him I shall never see or hear now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She drew out of her bosom her boy's little embroidered sash, and as soon as she looked at it she began shaking with sobs, hiding her eyes with her fingers through which the tears flowed in a sudden stream.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is Rachel of old,&#8221; said the elder, &#8220;weeping for her children, and will not be comforted because they are not. Such is the lot set on earth for you mothers. Be not comforted. Consolation is not what you need. Weep and be not consoled, but weep. Only every time that you weep be sure to remember that your little son is one of the angels of God, that he looks down from there at you and sees you, and rejoices at your tears, and points at them to the Lord God; and a long while yet will you keep that great mother's grief. But it will turn in the end into quiet joy, and your bitter tears will be only tears of tender sorrow that purifies the heart and delivers it from sin. And I shall pray for the peace of your child's soul. What was his name?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alexey, Father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A sweet name. After Alexey, the man of God?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a saint he was! I will remember him, mother, and your grief in my prayers, and I will pray for your husband's health. It is a sin for you to leave him. Your little one will see from heaven that you have forsaken his father, and will weep over you. Why do you trouble his happiness? He is living, for the soul lives for ever, and though he is not in the house he is near you, unseen. How can he go into the house when you say that the house is hateful to you? To whom is he to go if he find you not together, his father and mother? He comes to you in dreams now, and you grieve. But then he will send you gentle dreams. Go to your husband, mother; go this very day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will go, Father, at your word. I will go. You've gone straight to my heart. My Nikita, my Nikita, you are waiting for me,&#8221; the woman began in a sing-song voice; but the elder had already turned away to a very old woman, dressed like a dweller in the town, not like a pilgrim. Her eyes showed that she had come with an object, and in order to say something. She said she was the widow of a non-commissioned officer, and lived close by in the town. Her son Vasenka was in the commissariat service, and had gone to Irkutsk in Siberia. He had written twice from there, but now a year had passed since he had written. She did inquire about him, but she did not know the proper place to inquire.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Only the other day Stepanida Ilyinishna&#8212;she's a rich merchant's wife&#8212;said to me, &#8216;You go, Prohorovna, and put your son's name down for prayer in the church, and pray for the peace of his soul as though he were dead. His soul will be troubled,' she said, &#8216;and he will write you a letter.' And Stepanida Ilyinishna told me it was a certain thing which had been many times tried. Only I am in doubt.... Oh, you light of ours! is it true or false, and would it be right?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't think of it. It's shameful to ask the question. How is it possible to pray for the peace of a living soul? And his own mother too! It's a great sin, akin to sorcery. Only for your ignorance it is forgiven you. Better pray to the Queen of Heaven, our swift defense and help, for his good health, and that she may forgive you for your error. And another thing I will tell you, Prohorovna. Either he will soon come back to you, your son, or he will be sure to send a letter. Go, and henceforward be in peace. Your son is alive, I tell you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dear Father, God reward you, our benefactor, who prays for all of us and for our sins!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the elder had already noticed in the crowd two glowing eyes fixed upon him. An exhausted, consumptive-looking, though young peasant woman was gazing at him in silence. Her eyes besought him, but she seemed afraid to approach.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it, my child?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Absolve my soul, Father,&#8221; she articulated softly, and slowly sank on her knees and bowed down at his feet. &#8220;I have sinned, Father. I am afraid of my sin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The elder sat down on the lower step. The woman crept closer to him, still on her knees.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am a widow these three years,&#8221; she began in a half-whisper, with a sort of shudder. &#8220;I had a hard life with my husband. He was an old man. He used to beat me cruelly. He lay ill; I thought looking at him, if he were to get well, if he were to get up again, what then? And then the thought came to me&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay!&#8221; said the elder, and he put his ear close to her lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The woman went on in a low whisper, so that it was almost impossible to catch anything. She had soon done.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Three years ago?&#8221; asked the elder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Three years. At first I didn't think about it, but now I've begun to be ill, and the thought never leaves me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you come from far?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Over three hundred miles away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you told it in confession?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have confessed it. Twice I have confessed it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you been admitted to Communion?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. I am afraid. I am afraid to die.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fear nothing and never be afraid; and don't fret. If only your penitence fail not, God will forgive all. There is no sin, and there can be no sin on all the earth, which the Lord will not forgive to the truly repentant! Man cannot commit a sin so great as to exhaust the infinite love of God. Can there be a sin which could exceed the love of God? Think only of repentance, continual repentance, but dismiss fear altogether. Believe that God loves you as you cannot conceive; that He loves you with your sin, in your sin. It has been said of old that over one repentant sinner there is more joy in heaven than over ten righteous men. Go, and fear not. Be not bitter against men. Be not angry if you are wronged. Forgive the dead man in your heart what wrong he did you. Be reconciled with him in truth. If you are penitent, you love. And if you love you are of God. All things are atoned for, all things are saved by love. If I, a sinner, even as you are, am tender with you and have pity on you, how much more will God. Love is such a priceless treasure that you can redeem the whole world by it, and expiate not only your own sins but the sins of others.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He signed her three times with the cross, took from his own neck a little ikon and put it upon her. She bowed down to the earth without speaking.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He got up and looked cheerfully at a healthy peasant woman with a tiny baby in her arms.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From Vyshegorye, dear Father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Five miles you have dragged yourself with the baby. What do you want?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've come to look at you. I have been to you before&#8212;or have you forgotten? You've no great memory if you've forgotten me. They told us you were ill. Thinks I, I'll go and see him for myself. Now I see you, and you're not ill! You'll live another twenty years. God bless you! There are plenty to pray for you; how should you be ill?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I thank you for all, daughter.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;By the way, I have a thing to ask, not a great one. Here are sixty copecks. Give them, dear Father, to some one poorer than me. I thought as I came along, better give through him. He'll know whom to give to.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thanks, my dear, thanks! You are a good woman. I love you. I will do so certainly. Is that your little girl?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My little girl, Father, Lizaveta.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;May the Lord bless you both, you and your babe Lizaveta! You have gladdened my heart, mother. Farewell, dear children, farewell, dear ones.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He blessed them all and bowed low to them.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV. A LADY OF LITTLE FAITH&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;A visitor looking on the scene of his conversation with the peasants and his blessing them shed silent tears and wiped them away with her handkerchief. She was a sentimental society lady of genuinely good disposition in many respects. When the elder went up to her at last she met him enthusiastically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, what I have been feeling, looking on at this touching scene!...&#8221; She could not go on for emotion. &#8220;Oh, I understand the people's love for you. I love the people myself. I want to love them. And who could help loving them, our splendid Russian people, so simple in their greatness!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How is your daughter's health? You wanted to talk to me again?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I have been urgently begging for it, I have prayed for it! I was ready to fall on my knees and kneel for three days at your windows until you let me in. We have come, great healer, to express our ardent gratitude. You have healed my Lise, healed her completely, merely by praying over her last Thursday and laying your hands upon her. We have hastened here to kiss those hands, to pour out our feelings and our homage.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean by healed? But she is still lying down in her chair.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But her night fevers have entirely ceased ever since Thursday,&#8221; said the lady with nervous haste. &#8220;And that's not all. Her legs are stronger. This morning she got up well; she had slept all night. Look at her rosy cheeks, her bright eyes! She used to be always crying, but now she laughs and is gay and happy. This morning she insisted on my letting her stand up, and she stood up for a whole minute without any support. She wagers that in a fortnight she'll be dancing a quadrille. I've called in Doctor Herzenstube. He shrugged his shoulders and said, &#8216;I am amazed; I can make nothing of it.' And would you have us not come here to disturb you, not fly here to thank you? Lise, thank him&#8212;thank him!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lise's pretty little laughing face became suddenly serious. She rose in her chair as far as she could and, looking at the elder, clasped her hands before him, but could not restrain herself and broke into laughter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's at him,&#8221; she said, pointing to Alyosha, with childish vexation at herself for not being able to repress her mirth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If anyone had looked at Alyosha standing a step behind the elder, he would have caught a quick flush crimsoning his cheeks in an instant. His eyes shone and he looked down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She has a message for you, Alexey Fyodorovitch. How are you?&#8221; the mother went on, holding out her exquisitely gloved hand to Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The elder turned round and all at once looked attentively at Alyosha. The latter went nearer to Lise and, smiling in a strangely awkward way, held out his hand to her too. Lise assumed an important air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Katerina Ivanovna has sent you this through me.&#8221; She handed him a little note. &#8220;She particularly begs you to go and see her as soon as possible; that you will not fail her, but will be sure to come.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She asks me to go and see her? Me? What for?&#8221; Alyosha muttered in great astonishment. His face at once looked anxious. &#8220;Oh, it's all to do with Dmitri Fyodorovitch and&#8212;what has happened lately,&#8221; the mother explained hurriedly. &#8220;Katerina Ivanovna has made up her mind, but she must see you about it.... Why, of course, I can't say. But she wants to see you at once. And you will go to her, of course. It is a Christian duty.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have only seen her once,&#8221; Alyosha protested with the same perplexity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, she is such a lofty, incomparable creature! If only for her suffering.... Think what she has gone through, what she is enduring now! Think what awaits her! It's all terrible, terrible!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well, I will come,&#8221; Alyosha decided, after rapidly scanning the brief, enigmatic note, which consisted of an urgent entreaty that he would come, without any sort of explanation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, how sweet and generous that would be of you!&#8221; cried Lise with sudden animation. &#8220;I told mamma you'd be sure not to go. I said you were saving your soul. How splendid you are! I've always thought you were splendid. How glad I am to tell you so!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lise!&#8221; said her mother impressively, though she smiled after she had said it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have quite forgotten us, Alexey Fyodorovitch,&#8221; she said; &#8220;you never come to see us. Yet Lise has told me twice that she is never happy except with you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha raised his downcast eyes and again flushed, and again smiled without knowing why. But the elder was no longer watching him. He had begun talking to a monk who, as mentioned before, had been awaiting his entrance by Lise's chair. He was evidently a monk of the humblest, that is of the peasant, class, of a narrow outlook, but a true believer, and, in his own way, a stubborn one. He announced that he had come from the far north, from Obdorsk, from Saint Sylvester, and was a member of a poor monastery, consisting of only ten monks. The elder gave him his blessing and invited him to come to his cell whenever he liked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How can you presume to do such deeds?&#8221; the monk asked suddenly, pointing solemnly and significantly at Lise. He was referring to her &#8220;healing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's too early, of course, to speak of that. Relief is not complete cure, and may proceed from different causes. But if there has been any healing, it is by no power but God's will. It's all from God. Visit me, Father,&#8221; he added to the monk. &#8220;It's not often I can see visitors. I am ill, and I know that my days are numbered.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, no! God will not take you from us. You will live a long, long time yet,&#8221; cried the lady. &#8220;And in what way are you ill? You look so well, so gay and happy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am extraordinarily better to-day. But I know that it's only for a moment. I understand my disease now thoroughly. If I seem so happy to you, you could never say anything that would please me so much. For men are made for happiness, and anyone who is completely happy has a right to say to himself, &#8216;I am doing God's will on earth.' All the righteous, all the saints, all the holy martyrs were happy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, how you speak! What bold and lofty words!&#8221; cried the lady. &#8220;You seem to pierce with your words. And yet&#8212;happiness, happiness&#8212;where is it? Who can say of himself that he is happy? Oh, since you have been so good as to let us see you once more to-day, let me tell you what I could not utter last time, what I dared not say, all I am suffering and have been for so long! I am suffering! Forgive me! I am suffering!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And in a rush of fervent feeling she clasped her hands before him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From what specially?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I suffer ... from lack of faith.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lack of faith in God?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, no! I dare not even think of that. But the future life&#8212;it is such an enigma! And no one, no one can solve it. Listen! You are a healer, you are deeply versed in the human soul, and of course I dare not expect you to believe me entirely, but I assure you on my word of honor that I am not speaking lightly now. The thought of the life beyond the grave distracts me to anguish, to terror. And I don't know to whom to appeal, and have not dared to all my life. And now I am so bold as to ask you. Oh, God! What will you think of me now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She clasped her hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't distress yourself about my opinion of you,&#8221; said the elder. &#8220;I quite believe in the sincerity of your suffering.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, how thankful I am to you! You see, I shut my eyes and ask myself if every one has faith, where did it come from? And then they do say that it all comes from terror at the menacing phenomena of nature, and that none of it's real. And I say to myself, &#8216;What if I've been believing all my life, and when I come to die there's nothing but the burdocks growing on my grave?' as I read in some author. It's awful! How&#8212;how can I get back my faith? But I only believed when I was a little child, mechanically, without thinking of anything. How, how is one to prove it? I have come now to lay my soul before you and to ask you about it. If I let this chance slip, no one all my life will answer me. How can I prove it? How can I convince myself? Oh, how unhappy I am! I stand and look about me and see that scarcely anyone else cares; no one troubles his head about it, and I'm the only one who can't stand it. It's deadly&#8212;deadly!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No doubt. But there's no proving it, though you can be convinced of it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;By the experience of active love. Strive to love your neighbor actively and indefatigably. In as far as you advance in love you will grow surer of the reality of God and of the immortality of your soul. If you attain to perfect self-forgetfulness in the love of your neighbor, then you will believe without doubt, and no doubt can possibly enter your soul. This has been tried. This is certain.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In active love? There's another question&#8212;and such a question! You see, I so love humanity that&#8212;would you believe it?&#8212;I often dream of forsaking all that I have, leaving Lise, and becoming a sister of mercy. I close my eyes and think and dream, and at that moment I feel full of strength to overcome all obstacles. No wounds, no festering sores could at that moment frighten me. I would bind them up and wash them with my own hands. I would nurse the afflicted. I would be ready to kiss such wounds.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is much, and well that your mind is full of such dreams and not others. Sometime, unawares, you may do a good deed in reality.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. But could I endure such a life for long?&#8221; the lady went on fervently, almost frantically. &#8220;That's the chief question&#8212;that's my most agonizing question. I shut my eyes and ask myself, &#8216;Would you persevere long on that path? And if the patient whose wounds you are washing did not meet you with gratitude, but worried you with his whims, without valuing or remarking your charitable services, began abusing you and rudely commanding you, and complaining to the superior authorities of you (which often happens when people are in great suffering)&#8212;what then? Would you persevere in your love, or not?' And do you know, I came with horror to the conclusion that, if anything could dissipate my love to humanity, it would be ingratitude. In short, I am a hired servant, I expect my payment at once&#8212;that is, praise, and the repayment of love with love. Otherwise I am incapable of loving any one.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was in a very paroxysm of self-castigation, and, concluding, she looked with defiant resolution at the elder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's just the same story as a doctor once told me,&#8221; observed the elder. &#8220;He was a man getting on in years, and undoubtedly clever. He spoke as frankly as you, though in jest, in bitter jest. &#8216;I love humanity,' he said, &#8216;but I wonder at myself. The more I love humanity in general, the less I love man in particular. In my dreams,' he said, &#8216;I have often come to making enthusiastic schemes for the service of humanity, and perhaps I might actually have faced crucifixion if it had been suddenly necessary; and yet I am incapable of living in the same room with anyone for two days together, as I know by experience. As soon as anyone is near me, his personality disturbs my self-complacency and restricts my freedom. In twenty-four hours I begin to hate the best of men: one because he's too long over his dinner; another because he has a cold and keeps on blowing his nose. I become hostile to people the moment they come close to me. But it has always happened that the more I detest men individually the more ardent becomes my love for humanity.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what's to be done? What can one do in such a case? Must one despair?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No. It is enough that you are distressed at it. Do what you can, and it will be reckoned unto you. Much is done already in you since you can so deeply and sincerely know yourself. If you have been talking to me so sincerely, simply to gain approbation for your frankness, as you did from me just now, then of course you will not attain to anything in the achievement of real love; it will all get no further than dreams, and your whole life will slip away like a phantom. In that case you will naturally cease to think of the future life too, and will of yourself grow calmer after a fashion in the end.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have crushed me! Only now, as you speak, I understand that I was really only seeking your approbation for my sincerity when I told you I could not endure ingratitude. You have revealed me to myself. You have seen through me and explained me to myself!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you speaking the truth? Well, now, after such a confession, I believe that you are sincere and good at heart. If you do not attain happiness, always remember that you are on the right road, and try not to leave it. Above all, avoid falsehood, every kind of falsehood, especially falseness to yourself. Watch over your own deceitfulness and look into it every hour, every minute. Avoid being scornful, both to others and to yourself. What seems to you bad within you will grow purer from the very fact of your observing it in yourself. Avoid fear, too, though fear is only the consequence of every sort of falsehood. Never be frightened at your own faint-heartedness in attaining love. Don't be frightened overmuch even at your evil actions. I am sorry I can say nothing more consoling to you, for love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams is greedy for immediate action, rapidly performed and in the sight of all. Men will even give their lives if only the ordeal does not last long but is soon over, with all looking on and applauding as though on the stage. But active love is labor and fortitude, and for some people too, perhaps, a complete science. But I predict that just when you see with horror that in spite of all your efforts you are getting farther from your goal instead of nearer to it&#8212;at that very moment I predict that you will reach it and behold clearly the miraculous power of the Lord who has been all the time loving and mysteriously guiding you. Forgive me for not being able to stay longer with you. They are waiting for me. Good-by.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The lady was weeping.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lise, Lise! Bless her&#8212;bless her!&#8221; she cried, starting up suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She does not deserve to be loved. I have seen her naughtiness all along,&#8221; the elder said jestingly. &#8220;Why have you been laughing at Alexey?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lise had in fact been occupied in mocking at him all the time. She had noticed before that Alyosha was shy and tried not to look at her, and she found this extremely amusing. She waited intently to catch his eye. Alyosha, unable to endure her persistent stare, was irresistibly and suddenly drawn to glance at her, and at once she smiled triumphantly in his face. Alyosha was even more disconcerted and vexed. At last he turned away from her altogether and hid behind the elder's back. After a few minutes, drawn by the same irresistible force, he turned again to see whether he was being looked at or not, and found Lise almost hanging out of her chair to peep sideways at him, eagerly waiting for him to look. Catching his eye, she laughed so that the elder could not help saying, &#8220;Why do you make fun of him like that, naughty girl?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lise suddenly and quite unexpectedly blushed. Her eyes flashed and her face became quite serious. She began speaking quickly and nervously in a warm and resentful voice:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why has he forgotten everything, then? He used to carry me about when I was little. We used to play together. He used to come to teach me to read, do you know. Two years ago, when he went away, he said that he would never forget me, that we were friends for ever, for ever, for ever! And now he's afraid of me all at once. Am I going to eat him? Why doesn't he want to come near me? Why doesn't he talk? Why won't he come and see us? It's not that you won't let him. We know that he goes everywhere. It's not good manners for me to invite him. He ought to have thought of it first, if he hasn't forgotten me. No, now he's saving his soul! Why have you put that long gown on him? If he runs he'll fall.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And suddenly she hid her face in her hand and went off into irresistible, prolonged, nervous, inaudible laughter. The elder listened to her with a smile, and blessed her tenderly. As she kissed his hand she suddenly pressed it to her eyes and began crying.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't be angry with me. I'm silly and good for nothing ... and perhaps Alyosha's right, quite right, in not wanting to come and see such a ridiculous girl.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will certainly send him,&#8221; said the elder.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V. SO BE IT! SO BE IT!&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The elder's absence from his cell had lasted for about twenty-five minutes. It was more than half-past twelve, but Dmitri, on whose account they had all met there, had still not appeared. But he seemed almost to be forgotten, and when the elder entered the cell again, he found his guests engaged in eager conversation. Ivan and the two monks took the leading share in it. Mi&#252;sov, too, was trying to take a part, and apparently very eagerly, in the conversation. But he was unsuccessful in this also. He was evidently in the background, and his remarks were treated with neglect, which increased his irritability. He had had intellectual encounters with Ivan before and he could not endure a certain carelessness Ivan showed him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hitherto at least I have stood in the front ranks of all that is progressive in Europe, and here the new generation positively ignores us,&#8221; he thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fyodor Pavlovitch, who had given his word to sit still and be quiet, had actually been quiet for some time, but he watched his neighbor Mi&#252;sov with an ironical little smile, obviously enjoying his discomfiture. He had been waiting for some time to pay off old scores, and now he could not let the opportunity slip. Bending over his shoulder he began teasing him again in a whisper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why didn't you go away just now, after the &#8216;courteously kissing'? Why did you consent to remain in such unseemly company? It was because you felt insulted and aggrieved, and you remained to vindicate yourself by showing off your intelligence. Now you won't go till you've displayed your intellect to them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You again?... On the contrary, I'm just going.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'll be the last, the last of all to go!&#8221; Fyodor Pavlovitch delivered him another thrust, almost at the moment of Father Zossima's return.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The discussion died down for a moment, but the elder, seating himself in his former place, looked at them all as though cordially inviting them to go on. Alyosha, who knew every expression of his face, saw that he was fearfully exhausted and making a great effort. Of late he had been liable to fainting fits from exhaustion. His face had the pallor that was common before such attacks, and his lips were white. But he evidently did not want to break up the party. He seemed to have some special object of his own in keeping them. What object? Alyosha watched him intently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We are discussing this gentleman's most interesting article,&#8221; said Father Iosif, the librarian, addressing the elder, and indicating Ivan. &#8220;He brings forward much that is new, but I think the argument cuts both ways. It is an article written in answer to a book by an ecclesiastical authority on the question of the ecclesiastical court, and the scope of its jurisdiction.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm sorry I have not read your article, but I've heard of it,&#8221; said the elder, looking keenly and intently at Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He takes up a most interesting position,&#8221; continued the Father Librarian. &#8220;As far as Church jurisdiction is concerned he is apparently quite opposed to the separation of Church from State.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's interesting. But in what sense?&#8221; Father Zossima asked Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The latter, at last, answered him, not condescendingly, as Alyosha had feared, but with modesty and reserve, with evident goodwill and apparently without the slightest &lt;i&gt;arri&#232;re-pens&#233;e&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb4&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;arri&#232;re-pens&#233;e &#8211; hidden intention.&#034; id=&#034;nh4&#034;&gt;4&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I start from the position that this confusion of elements, that is, of the essential principles of Church and State, will, of course, go on for ever, in spite of the fact that it is impossible for them to mingle, and that the confusion of these elements cannot lead to any consistent or even normal results, for there is falsity at the very foundation of it. Compromise between the Church and State in such questions as, for instance, jurisdiction, is, to my thinking, impossible in any real sense. My clerical opponent maintains that the Church holds a precise and defined position in the State. I maintain, on the contrary, that the Church ought to include the whole State, and not simply to occupy a corner in it, and, if this is, for some reason, impossible at present, then it ought, in reality, to be set up as the direct and chief aim of the future development of Christian society!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perfectly true,&#8221; Father Pa&#239;ssy, the silent and learned monk, assented with fervor and decision.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The purest Ultramontanism!&#8221; cried Mi&#252;sov impatiently, crossing and recrossing his legs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well, we have no mountains,&#8221; cried Father Iosif, and turning to the elder he continued: &#8220;Observe the answer he makes to the following &#8216;fundamental and essential' propositions of his opponent, who is, you must note, an ecclesiastic. First, that &#8216;no social organization can or ought to arrogate to itself power to dispose of the civic and political rights of its members.' Secondly, that &#8216;criminal and civil jurisdiction ought not to belong to the Church, and is inconsistent with its nature, both as a divine institution and as an organization of men for religious objects,' and, finally, in the third place, &#8216;the Church is a kingdom not of this world.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A most unworthy play upon words for an ecclesiastic!&#8221; Father Pa&#239;ssy could not refrain from breaking in again. &#8220;I have read the book which you have answered,&#8221; he added, addressing Ivan, &#8220;and was astounded at the words &#8216;the Church is a kingdom not of this world.' If it is not of this world, then it cannot exist on earth at all. In the Gospel, the words &#8216;not of this world' are not used in that sense. To play with such words is indefensible. Our Lord Jesus Christ came to set up the Church upon earth. The Kingdom of Heaven, of course, is not of this world, but in Heaven; but it is only entered through the Church which has been founded and established upon earth. And so a frivolous play upon words in such a connection is unpardonable and improper. The Church is, in truth, a kingdom and ordained to rule, and in the end must undoubtedly become the kingdom ruling over all the earth. For that we have the divine promise.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He ceased speaking suddenly, as though checking himself. After listening attentively and respectfully Ivan went on, addressing the elder with perfect composure and as before with ready cordiality:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The whole point of my article lies in the fact that during the first three centuries Christianity only existed on earth in the Church and was nothing but the Church. When the pagan Roman Empire desired to become Christian, it inevitably happened that, by becoming Christian, it included the Church but remained a pagan State in very many of its departments. In reality this was bound to happen. But Rome as a State retained too much of the pagan civilization and culture, as, for example, in the very objects and fundamental principles of the State. The Christian Church entering into the State could, of course, surrender no part of its fundamental principles&#8212;the rock on which it stands&#8212;and could pursue no other aims than those which have been ordained and revealed by God Himself, and among them that of drawing the whole world, and therefore the ancient pagan State itself, into the Church. In that way (that is, with a view to the future) it is not the Church that should seek a definite position in the State, like &#8216;every social organization,' or as &#8216;an organization of men for religious purposes' (as my opponent calls the Church), but, on the contrary, every earthly State should be, in the end, completely transformed into the Church and should become nothing else but a Church, rejecting every purpose incongruous with the aims of the Church. All this will not degrade it in any way or take from its honor and glory as a great State, nor from the glory of its rulers, but only turns it from a false, still pagan, and mistaken path to the true and rightful path, which alone leads to the eternal goal. This is why the author of the book &lt;i&gt;On the Foundations of Church Jurisdiction&lt;/i&gt; would have judged correctly if, in seeking and laying down those foundations, he had looked upon them as a temporary compromise inevitable in our sinful and imperfect days. But as soon as the author ventures to declare that the foundations which he predicates now, part of which Father Iosif just enumerated, are the permanent, essential, and eternal foundations, he is going directly against the Church and its sacred and eternal vocation. That is the gist of my article.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is, in brief,&#8221; Father Pa&#239;ssy began again, laying stress on each word, &#8220;according to certain theories only too clearly formulated in the nineteenth century, the Church ought to be transformed into the State, as though this would be an advance from a lower to a higher form, so as to disappear into it, making way for science, for the spirit of the age, and civilization. And if the Church resists and is unwilling, some corner will be set apart for her in the State, and even that under control&#8212;and this will be so everywhere in all modern European countries. But Russian hopes and conceptions demand not that the Church should pass as from a lower into a higher type into the State, but, on the contrary, that the State should end by being worthy to become only the Church and nothing else. So be it! So be it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I confess you've reassured me somewhat,&#8221; Mi&#252;sov said smiling, again crossing his legs. &#8220;So far as I understand, then, the realization of such an ideal is infinitely remote, at the second coming of Christ. That's as you please. It's a beautiful Utopian dream of the abolition of war, diplomacy, banks, and so on&#8212;something after the fashion of socialism, indeed. But I imagined that it was all meant seriously, and that the Church might be &lt;i&gt;now&lt;/i&gt; going to try criminals, and sentence them to beating, prison, and even death.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But if there were none but the ecclesiastical court, the Church would not even now sentence a criminal to prison or to death. Crime and the way of regarding it would inevitably change, not all at once of course, but fairly soon,&#8221; Ivan replied calmly, without flinching.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you serious?&#8221; Mi&#252;sov glanced keenly at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If everything became the Church, the Church would exclude all the criminal and disobedient, and would not cut off their heads,&#8221; Ivan went on. &#8220;I ask you, what would become of the excluded? He would be cut off then not only from men, as now, but from Christ. By his crime he would have transgressed not only against men but against the Church of Christ. This is so even now, of course, strictly speaking, but it is not clearly enunciated, and very, very often the criminal of to-day compromises with his conscience: &#8216;I steal,' he says, &#8216;but I don't go against the Church. I'm not an enemy of Christ.' That's what the criminal of to-day is continually saying to himself, but when the Church takes the place of the State it will be difficult for him, in opposition to the Church all over the world, to say: &#8216;All men are mistaken, all in error, all mankind are the false Church. I, a thief and murderer, am the only true Christian Church.' It will be very difficult to say this to himself; it requires a rare combination of unusual circumstances. Now, on the other side, take the Church's own view of crime: is it not bound to renounce the present almost pagan attitude, and to change from a mechanical cutting off of its tainted member for the preservation of society, as at present, into completely and honestly adopting the idea of the regeneration of the man, of his reformation and salvation?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean? I fail to understand again,&#8221; Mi&#252;sov interrupted. &#8220;Some sort of dream again. Something shapeless and even incomprehensible. What is excommunication? What sort of exclusion? I suspect you are simply amusing yourself, Ivan Fyodorovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but you know, in reality it is so now,&#8221; said the elder suddenly, and all turned to him at once. &#8220;If it were not for the Church of Christ there would be nothing to restrain the criminal from evil-doing, no real chastisement for it afterwards; none, that is, but the mechanical punishment spoken of just now, which in the majority of cases only embitters the heart; and not the real punishment, the only effectual one, the only deterrent and softening one, which lies in the recognition of sin by conscience.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How is that, may one inquire?&#8221; asked Mi&#252;sov, with lively curiosity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why,&#8221; began the elder, &#8220;all these sentences to exile with hard labor, and formerly with flogging also, reform no one, and what's more, deter hardly a single criminal, and the number of crimes does not diminish but is continually on the increase. You must admit that. Consequently the security of society is not preserved, for, although the obnoxious member is mechanically cut off and sent far away out of sight, another criminal always comes to take his place at once, and often two of them. If anything does preserve society, even in our time, and does regenerate and transform the criminal, it is only the law of Christ speaking in his conscience. It is only by recognizing his wrong-doing as a son of a Christian society&#8212;that is, of the Church&#8212;that he recognizes his sin against society&#8212;that is, against the Church. So that it is only against the Church, and not against the State, that the criminal of to-day can recognize that he has sinned. If society, as a Church, had jurisdiction, then it would know when to bring back from exclusion and to reunite to itself. Now the Church having no real jurisdiction, but only the power of moral condemnation, withdraws of her own accord from punishing the criminal actively. She does not excommunicate him but simply persists in motherly exhortation of him. What is more, the Church even tries to preserve all Christian communion with the criminal. She admits him to church services, to the holy sacrament, gives him alms, and treats him more as a captive than as a convict. And what would become of the criminal, O Lord, if even the Christian society&#8212;that is, the Church&#8212;were to reject him even as the civil law rejects him and cuts him off? What would become of him if the Church punished him with her excommunication as the direct consequence of the secular law? There could be no more terrible despair, at least for a Russian criminal, for Russian criminals still have faith. Though, who knows, perhaps then a fearful thing would happen, perhaps the despairing heart of the criminal would lose its faith and then what would become of him? But the Church, like a tender, loving mother, holds aloof from active punishment herself, as the sinner is too severely punished already by the civil law, and there must be at least some one to have pity on him. The Church holds aloof, above all, because its judgment is the only one that contains the truth, and therefore cannot practically and morally be united to any other judgment even as a temporary compromise. She can enter into no compact about that. The foreign criminal, they say, rarely repents, for the very doctrines of to-day confirm him in the idea that his crime is not a crime, but only a reaction against an unjustly oppressive force. Society cuts him off completely by a force that triumphs over him mechanically and (so at least they say of themselves in Europe) accompanies this exclusion with hatred, forgetfulness, and the most profound indifference as to the ultimate fate of the erring brother. In this way, it all takes place without the compassionate intervention of the Church, for in many cases there are no churches there at all, for though ecclesiastics and splendid church buildings remain, the churches themselves have long ago striven to pass from Church into State and to disappear in it completely. So it seems at least in Lutheran countries. As for Rome, it was proclaimed a State instead of a Church a thousand years ago. And so the criminal is no longer conscious of being a member of the Church and sinks into despair. If he returns to society, often it is with such hatred that society itself instinctively cuts him off. You can judge for yourself how it must end. In many cases it would seem to be the same with us, but the difference is that besides the established law courts we have the Church too, which always keeps up relations with the criminal as a dear and still precious son. And besides that, there is still preserved, though only in thought, the judgment of the Church, which though no longer existing in practice is still living as a dream for the future, and is, no doubt, instinctively recognized by the criminal in his soul. What was said here just now is true too, that is, that if the jurisdiction of the Church were introduced in practice in its full force, that is, if the whole of the society were changed into the Church, not only the judgment of the Church would have influence on the reformation of the criminal such as it never has now, but possibly also the crimes themselves would be incredibly diminished. And there can be no doubt that the Church would look upon the criminal and the crime of the future in many cases quite differently and would succeed in restoring the excluded, in restraining those who plan evil, and in regenerating the fallen. It is true,&#8221; said Father Zossima, with a smile, &#8220;the Christian society now is not ready and is only resting on some seven righteous men, but as they are never lacking, it will continue still unshaken in expectation of its complete transformation from a society almost heathen in character into a single universal and all-powerful Church. So be it, so be it! Even though at the end of the ages, for it is ordained to come to pass! And there is no need to be troubled about times and seasons, for the secret of the times and seasons is in the wisdom of God, in His foresight, and His love. And what in human reckoning seems still afar off, may by the Divine ordinance be close at hand, on the eve of its appearance. And so be it, so be it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So be it, so be it!&#8221; Father Pa&#239;ssy repeated austerely and reverently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Strange, extremely strange!&#8221; Mi&#252;sov pronounced, not so much with heat as with latent indignation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What strikes you as so strange?&#8221; Father Iosif inquired cautiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, it's beyond anything!&#8221; cried Mi&#252;sov, suddenly breaking out; &#8220;the State is eliminated and the Church is raised to the position of the State. It's not simply Ultramontanism, it's arch-Ultramontanism! It's beyond the dreams of Pope Gregory the Seventh!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are completely misunderstanding it,&#8221; said Father Pa&#239;ssy sternly. &#8220;Understand, the Church is not to be transformed into the State. That is Rome and its dream. That is the third temptation of the devil. On the contrary, the State is transformed into the Church, will ascend and become a Church over the whole world&#8212;which is the complete opposite of Ultramontanism and Rome, and your interpretation, and is only the glorious destiny ordained for the Orthodox Church. This star will arise in the east!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mi&#252;sov was significantly silent. His whole figure expressed extraordinary personal dignity. A supercilious and condescending smile played on his lips. Alyosha watched it all with a throbbing heart. The whole conversation stirred him profoundly. He glanced casually at Rakitin, who was standing immovable in his place by the door listening and watching intently though with downcast eyes. But from the color in his cheeks Alyosha guessed that Rakitin was probably no less excited, and he knew what caused his excitement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Allow me to tell you one little anecdote, gentlemen,&#8221; Mi&#252;sov said impressively, with a peculiarly majestic air. &#8220;Some years ago, soon after the &lt;i&gt;coup d'&#233;tat&lt;/i&gt; of December, I happened to be calling in Paris on an extremely influential personage in the Government, and I met a very interesting man in his house. This individual was not precisely a detective but was a sort of superintendent of a whole regiment of political detectives&#8212;a rather powerful position in its own way. I was prompted by curiosity to seize the opportunity of conversation with him. And as he had not come as a visitor but as a subordinate official bringing a special report, and as he saw the reception given me by his chief, he deigned to speak with some openness, to a certain extent only, of course. He was rather courteous than open, as Frenchmen know how to be courteous, especially to a foreigner. But I thoroughly understood him. The subject was the socialist revolutionaries who were at that time persecuted. I will quote only one most curious remark dropped by this person. &#8216;We are not particularly afraid,' said he, &#8216;of all these socialists, anarchists, infidels, and revolutionists; we keep watch on them and know all their goings on. But there are a few peculiar men among them who believe in God and are Christians, but at the same time are socialists. These are the people we are most afraid of. They are dreadful people! The socialist who is a Christian is more to be dreaded than a socialist who is an atheist.' The words struck me at the time, and now they have suddenly come back to me here, gentlemen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You apply them to us, and look upon us as socialists?&#8221; Father Pa&#239;ssy asked directly, without beating about the bush.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But before Pyotr Alexandrovitch could think what to answer, the door opened, and the guest so long expected, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, came in. They had, in fact, given up expecting him, and his sudden appearance caused some surprise for a moment.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI. WHY IS SUCH A MAN ALIVE?&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Dmitri Fyodorovitch, a young man of eight and twenty, of medium height and agreeable countenance, looked older than his years. He was muscular, and showed signs of considerable physical strength. Yet there was something not healthy in his face. It was rather thin, his cheeks were hollow, and there was an unhealthy sallowness in their color. His rather large, prominent, dark eyes had an expression of firm determination, and yet there was a vague look in them, too. Even when he was excited and talking irritably, his eyes somehow did not follow his mood, but betrayed something else, sometimes quite incongruous with what was passing. &#8220;It's hard to tell what he's thinking,&#8221; those who talked to him sometimes declared. People who saw something pensive and sullen in his eyes were startled by his sudden laugh, which bore witness to mirthful and light-hearted thoughts at the very time when his eyes were so gloomy. A certain strained look in his face was easy to understand at this moment. Every one knew, or had heard of, the extremely restless and dissipated life which he had been leading of late, as well as of the violent anger to which he had been roused in his quarrels with his father. There were several stories current in the town about it. It is true that he was irascible by nature, &#8220;of an unstable and unbalanced mind,&#8221; as our justice of the peace, Katchalnikov, happily described him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was stylishly and irreproachably dressed in a carefully buttoned frock-coat. He wore black gloves and carried a top-hat. Having only lately left the army, he still had mustaches and no beard. His dark brown hair was cropped short, and combed forward on his temples. He had the long, determined stride of a military man. He stood still for a moment on the threshold, and glancing at the whole party went straight up to the elder, guessing him to be their host. He made him a low bow, and asked his blessing. Father Zossima, rising in his chair, blessed him. Dmitri kissed his hand respectfully, and with intense feeling, almost anger, he said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Be so generous as to forgive me for having kept you waiting so long, but Smerdyakov, the valet sent me by my father, in reply to my inquiries, told me twice over that the appointment was for one. Now I suddenly learn&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't disturb yourself,&#8221; interposed the elder. &#8220;No matter. You are a little late. It's of no consequence....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm extremely obliged to you, and expected no less from your goodness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Saying this, Dmitri bowed once more. Then, turning suddenly towards his father, made him, too, a similarly low and respectful bow. He had evidently considered it beforehand, and made this bow in all seriousness, thinking it his duty to show his respect and good intentions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Although Fyodor Pavlovitch was taken unawares, he was equal to the occasion. In response to Dmitri's bow he jumped up from his chair and made his son a bow as low in return. His face was suddenly solemn and impressive, which gave him a positively malignant look. Dmitri bowed generally to all present, and without a word walked to the window with his long, resolute stride, sat down on the only empty chair, near Father Pa&#239;ssy, and, bending forward, prepared to listen to the conversation he had interrupted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dmitri's entrance had taken no more than two minutes, and the conversation was resumed. But this time Mi&#252;sov thought it unnecessary to reply to Father Pa&#239;ssy's persistent and almost irritable question.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Allow me to withdraw from this discussion,&#8221; he observed with a certain well-bred nonchalance. &#8220;It's a subtle question, too. Here Ivan Fyodorovitch is smiling at us. He must have something interesting to say about that also. Ask him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing special, except one little remark,&#8221; Ivan replied at once. &#8220;European Liberals in general, and even our liberal dilettanti, often mix up the final results of socialism with those of Christianity. This wild notion is, of course, a characteristic feature. But it's not only Liberals and dilettanti who mix up socialism and Christianity, but, in many cases, it appears, the police&#8212;the foreign police, of course&#8212;do the same. Your Paris anecdote is rather to the point, Pyotr Alexandrovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I ask your permission to drop this subject altogether,&#8221; Mi&#252;sov repeated. &#8220;I will tell you instead, gentlemen, another interesting and rather characteristic anecdote of Ivan Fyodorovitch himself. Only five days ago, in a gathering here, principally of ladies, he solemnly declared in argument that there was nothing in the whole world to make men love their neighbors. That there was no law of nature that man should love mankind, and that, if there had been any love on earth hitherto, it was not owing to a natural law, but simply because men have believed in immortality. Ivan Fyodorovitch added in parenthesis that the whole natural law lies in that faith, and that if you were to destroy in mankind the belief in immortality, not only love but every living force maintaining the life of the world would at once be dried up. Moreover, nothing then would be immoral, everything would be lawful, even cannibalism. That's not all. He ended by asserting that for every individual, like ourselves, who does not believe in God or immortality, the moral law of nature must immediately be changed into the exact contrary of the former religious law, and that egoism, even to crime, must become not only lawful but even recognized as the inevitable, the most rational, even honorable outcome of his position. From this paradox, gentlemen, you can judge of the rest of our eccentric and paradoxical friend Ivan Fyodorovitch's theories.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me,&#8221; Dmitri cried suddenly; &#8220;if I've heard aright, crime must not only be permitted but even recognized as the inevitable and the most rational outcome of his position for every infidel! Is that so or not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quite so,&#8221; said Father Pa&#239;ssy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll remember it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Having uttered these words Dmitri ceased speaking as suddenly as he had begun. Every one looked at him with curiosity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is that really your conviction as to the consequences of the disappearance of the faith in immortality?&#8221; the elder asked Ivan suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. That was my contention. There is no virtue if there is no immortality.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are blessed in believing that, or else most unhappy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why unhappy?&#8221; Ivan asked smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Because, in all probability you don't believe yourself in the immortality of your soul, nor in what you have written yourself in your article on Church jurisdiction.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps you are right! ... But I wasn't altogether joking,&#8221; Ivan suddenly and strangely confessed, flushing quickly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You were not altogether joking. That's true. The question is still fretting your heart, and not answered. But the martyr likes sometimes to divert himself with his despair, as it were driven to it by despair itself. Meanwhile, in your despair, you, too, divert yourself with magazine articles, and discussions in society, though you don't believe your own arguments, and with an aching heart mock at them inwardly.... That question you have not answered, and it is your great grief, for it clamors for an answer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But can it be answered by me? Answered in the affirmative?&#8221; Ivan went on asking strangely, still looking at the elder with the same inexplicable smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If it can't be decided in the affirmative, it will never be decided in the negative. You know that that is the peculiarity of your heart, and all its suffering is due to it. But thank the Creator who has given you a lofty heart capable of such suffering; of thinking and seeking higher things, for our dwelling is in the heavens. God grant that your heart will attain the answer on earth, and may God bless your path.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The elder raised his hand and would have made the sign of the cross over Ivan from where he stood. But the latter rose from his seat, went up to him, received his blessing, and kissing his hand went back to his place in silence. His face looked firm and earnest. This action and all the preceding conversation, which was so surprising from Ivan, impressed every one by its strangeness and a certain solemnity, so that all were silent for a moment, and there was a look almost of apprehension in Alyosha's face. But Mi&#252;sov suddenly shrugged his shoulders. And at the same moment Fyodor Pavlovitch jumped up from his seat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Most pious and holy elder,&#8221; he cried, pointing to Ivan, &#8220;that is my son, flesh of my flesh, the dearest of my flesh! He is my most dutiful Karl Moor, so to speak, while this son who has just come in, Dmitri, against whom I am seeking justice from you, is the undutiful Franz Moor&#8212;they are both out of Schiller's &lt;i&gt;Robbers&lt;/i&gt;, and so I am the reigning Count von Moor! Judge and save us! We need not only your prayers but your prophecies!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Speak without buffoonery, and don't begin by insulting the members of your family,&#8221; answered the elder, in a faint, exhausted voice. He was obviously getting more and more fatigued, and his strength was failing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;An unseemly farce which I foresaw when I came here!&#8221; cried Dmitri indignantly. He too leapt up. &#8220;Forgive it, reverend Father,&#8221; he added, addressing the elder. &#8220;I am not a cultivated man, and I don't even know how to address you properly, but you have been deceived and you have been too good-natured in letting us meet here. All my father wants is a scandal. Why he wants it only he can tell. He always has some motive. But I believe I know why&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They all blame me, all of them!&#8221; cried Fyodor Pavlovitch in his turn. &#8220;Pyotr Alexandrovitch here blames me too. You have been blaming me, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, you have!&#8221; he turned suddenly to Mi&#252;sov, although the latter was not dreaming of interrupting him. &#8220;They all accuse me of having hidden the children's money in my boots, and cheated them, but isn't there a court of law? There they will reckon out for you, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, from your notes, your letters, and your agreements, how much money you had, how much you have spent, and how much you have left. Why does Pyotr Alexandrovitch refuse to pass judgment? Dmitri is not a stranger to him. Because they are all against me, while Dmitri Fyodorovitch is in debt to me, and not a little, but some thousands of which I have documentary proof. The whole town is echoing with his debaucheries. And where he was stationed before, he several times spent a thousand or two for the seduction of some respectable girl; we know all about that, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, in its most secret details. I'll prove it.... Would you believe it, holy Father, he has captivated the heart of the most honorable of young ladies of good family and fortune, daughter of a gallant colonel, formerly his superior officer, who had received many honors and had the Anna Order on his breast. He compromised the girl by his promise of marriage, now she is an orphan and here; she is betrothed to him, yet before her very eyes he is dancing attendance on a certain enchantress. And although this enchantress has lived in, so to speak, civil marriage with a respectable man, yet she is of an independent character, an unapproachable fortress for everybody, just like a legal wife&#8212;for she is virtuous, yes, holy Fathers, she is virtuous. Dmitri Fyodorovitch wants to open this fortress with a golden key, and that's why he is insolent to me now, trying to get money from me, though he has wasted thousands on this enchantress already. He's continually borrowing money for the purpose. From whom do you think? Shall I say, Mitya?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Be silent!&#8221; cried Dmitri, &#8220;wait till I'm gone. Don't dare in my presence to asperse the good name of an honorable girl! That you should utter a word about her is an outrage, and I won't permit it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was breathless.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mitya! Mitya!&#8221; cried Fyodor Pavlovitch hysterically, squeezing out a tear. &#8220;And is your father's blessing nothing to you? If I curse you, what then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Shameless hypocrite!&#8221; exclaimed Dmitri furiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He says that to his father! his father! What would he be with others? Gentlemen, only fancy; there's a poor but honorable man living here, burdened with a numerous family, a captain who got into trouble and was discharged from the army, but not publicly, not by court-martial, with no slur on his honor. And three weeks ago, Dmitri seized him by the beard in a tavern, dragged him out into the street and beat him publicly, and all because he is an agent in a little business of mine.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's all a lie! Outwardly it's the truth, but inwardly a lie!&#8221; Dmitri was trembling with rage. &#8220;Father, I don't justify my action. Yes, I confess it publicly, I behaved like a brute to that captain, and I regret it now, and I'm disgusted with myself for my brutal rage. But this captain, this agent of yours, went to that lady whom you call an enchantress, and suggested to her from you, that she should take I.O.U.'s of mine which were in your possession, and should sue me for the money so as to get me into prison by means of them, if I persisted in claiming an account from you of my property. Now you reproach me for having a weakness for that lady when you yourself incited her to captivate me! She told me so to my face.... She told me the story and laughed at you.... You wanted to put me in prison because you are jealous of me with her, because you'd begun to force your attentions upon her; and I know all about that, too; she laughed at you for that as well&#8212;you hear&#8212;she laughed at you as she described it. So here you have this man, this father who reproaches his profligate son! Gentlemen, forgive my anger, but I foresaw that this crafty old man would only bring you together to create a scandal. I had come to forgive him if he held out his hand; to forgive him, and ask forgiveness! But as he has just this minute insulted not only me, but an honorable young lady, for whom I feel such reverence that I dare not take her name in vain, I have made up my mind to show up his game, though he is my father....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He could not go on. His eyes were glittering and he breathed with difficulty. But every one in the cell was stirred. All except Father Zossima got up from their seats uneasily. The monks looked austere but waited for guidance from the elder. He sat still, pale, not from excitement but from the weakness of disease. An imploring smile lighted up his face; from time to time he raised his hand, as though to check the storm, and, of course, a gesture from him would have been enough to end the scene; but he seemed to be waiting for something and watched them intently as though trying to make out something which was not perfectly clear to him. At last Mi&#252;sov felt completely humiliated and disgraced.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We are all to blame for this scandalous scene,&#8221; he said hotly. &#8220;But I did not foresee it when I came, though I knew with whom I had to deal. This must be stopped at once! Believe me, your reverence, I had no precise knowledge of the details that have just come to light, I was unwilling to believe them, and I learn for the first time.... A father is jealous of his son's relations with a woman of loose behavior and intrigues with the creature to get his son into prison! This is the company in which I have been forced to be present! I was deceived. I declare to you all that I was as much deceived as any one.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; yelled Fyodor Pavlovitch suddenly, in an unnatural voice, &#8220;if you were not my son I would challenge you this instant to a duel ... with pistols, at three paces ... across a handkerchief,&#8221; he ended, stamping with both feet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With old liars who have been acting all their lives there are moments when they enter so completely into their part that they tremble or shed tears of emotion in earnest, although at that very moment, or a second later, they are able to whisper to themselves, &#8220;You know you are lying, you shameless old sinner! You're acting now, in spite of your &#8216;holy' wrath.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dmitri frowned painfully, and looked with unutterable contempt at his father.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I thought ... I thought,&#8221; he said, in a soft and, as it were, controlled voice, &#8220;that I was coming to my native place with the angel of my heart, my betrothed, to cherish his old age, and I find nothing but a depraved profligate, a despicable clown!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A duel!&#8221; yelled the old wretch again, breathless and spluttering at each syllable. &#8220;And you, Pyotr Alexandrovitch Mi&#252;sov, let me tell you that there has never been in all your family a loftier, and more honest&#8212;you hear&#8212;more honest woman than this &#8216;creature,' as you have dared to call her! And you, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, have abandoned your betrothed for that &#8216;creature,' so you must yourself have thought that your betrothed couldn't hold a candle to her. That's the woman called a &#8216;creature'!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Shameful!&#8221; broke from Father Iosif.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Shameful and disgraceful!&#8221; Kalganov, flushing crimson, cried in a boyish voice, trembling with emotion. He had been silent till that moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why is such a man alive?&#8221; Dmitri, beside himself with rage, growled in a hollow voice, hunching up his shoulders till he looked almost deformed. &#8220;Tell me, can he be allowed to go on defiling the earth?&#8221; He looked round at every one and pointed at the old man. He spoke evenly and deliberately.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, listen, monks, to the parricide!&#8221; cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, rushing up to Father Iosif. &#8220;That's the answer to your &#8216;shameful!' What is shameful? That &#8216;creature,' that &#8216;woman of loose behavior' is perhaps holier than you are yourselves, you monks who are seeking salvation! She fell perhaps in her youth, ruined by her environment. But she loved much, and Christ himself forgave the woman &#8216;who loved much.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was not for such love Christ forgave her,&#8221; broke impatiently from the gentle Father Iosif.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it was for such, monks, it was! You save your souls here, eating cabbage, and think you are the righteous. You eat a gudgeon a day, and you think you bribe God with gudgeon.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is unendurable!&#8221; was heard on all sides in the cell.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But this unseemly scene was cut short in a most unexpected way. Father Zossima rose suddenly from his seat. Almost distracted with anxiety for the elder and every one else, Alyosha succeeded, however, in supporting him by the arm. Father Zossima moved towards Dmitri and reaching him sank on his knees before him. Alyosha thought that he had fallen from weakness, but this was not so. The elder distinctly and deliberately bowed down at Dmitri's feet till his forehead touched the floor. Alyosha was so astounded that he failed to assist him when he got up again. There was a faint smile on his lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by! Forgive me, all of you!&#8221; he said, bowing on all sides to his guests.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dmitri stood for a few moments in amazement. Bowing down to him&#8212;what did it mean? Suddenly he cried aloud, &#8220;Oh, God!&#8221; hid his face in his hands, and rushed out of the room. All the guests flocked out after him, in their confusion not saying good-by, or bowing to their host. Only the monks went up to him again for a blessing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What did it mean, falling at his feet like that? Was it symbolic or what?&#8221; said Fyodor Pavlovitch, suddenly quieted and trying to reopen conversation without venturing to address anybody in particular. They were all passing out of the precincts of the hermitage at the moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can't answer for a madhouse and for madmen,&#8221; Mi&#252;sov answered at once ill-humoredly, &#8220;but I will spare myself your company, Fyodor Pavlovitch, and, trust me, for ever. Where's that monk?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That monk,&#8221; that is, the monk who had invited them to dine with the Superior, did not keep them waiting. He met them as soon as they came down the steps from the elder's cell, as though he had been waiting for them all the time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Reverend Father, kindly do me a favor. Convey my deepest respect to the Father Superior, apologize for me, personally, Mi&#252;sov, to his reverence, telling him that I deeply regret that owing to unforeseen circumstances I am unable to have the honor of being present at his table, greatly as I should desire to do so,&#8221; Mi&#252;sov said irritably to the monk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And that unforeseen circumstance, of course, is myself,&#8221; Fyodor Pavlovitch cut in immediately. &#8220;Do you hear, Father; this gentleman doesn't want to remain in my company or else he'd come at once. And you shall go, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, pray go to the Father Superior and good appetite to you. I will decline, and not you. Home, home, I'll eat at home, I don't feel equal to it here, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, my amiable relative.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am not your relative and never have been, you contemptible man!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I said it on purpose to madden you, because you always disclaim the relationship, though you really are a relation in spite of your shuffling. I'll prove it by the church calendar. As for you, Ivan, stay if you like. I'll send the horses for you later. Propriety requires you to go to the Father Superior, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, to apologize for the disturbance we've been making....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is it true that you are going home? Aren't you lying?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pyotr Alexandrovitch! How could I dare after what's happened! Forgive me, gentlemen, I was carried away! And upset besides! And, indeed, I am ashamed. Gentlemen, one man has the heart of Alexander of Macedon and another the heart of the little dog Fido. Mine is that of the little dog Fido. I am ashamed! After such an escapade how can I go to dinner, to gobble up the monastery's sauces? I am ashamed, I can't. You must excuse me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The devil only knows, what if he deceives us?&#8221; thought Mi&#252;sov, still hesitating, and watching the retreating buffoon with distrustful eyes. The latter turned round, and noticing that Mi&#252;sov was watching him, waved him a kiss.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, are you coming to the Superior?&#8221; Mi&#252;sov asked Ivan abruptly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not? I was especially invited yesterday.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Unfortunately I feel myself compelled to go to this confounded dinner,&#8221; said Mi&#252;sov with the same irritability, regardless of the fact that the monk was listening. &#8220;We ought, at least, to apologize for the disturbance, and explain that it was not our doing. What do you think?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, we must explain that it wasn't our doing. Besides, father won't be there,&#8221; observed Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I should hope not! Confound this dinner!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They all walked on, however. The monk listened in silence. On the road through the copse he made one observation however&#8212;that the Father Superior had been waiting a long time, and that they were more than half an hour late. He received no answer. Mi&#252;sov looked with hatred at Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here he is, going to the dinner as though nothing had happened,&#8221; he thought. &#8220;A brazen face, and the conscience of a Karamazov!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII. A YOUNG MAN BENT ON A CAREER&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Alyosha helped Father Zossima to his bedroom and seated him on his bed. It was a little room furnished with the bare necessities. There was a narrow iron bedstead, with a strip of felt for a mattress. In the corner, under the ikons, was a reading-desk with a cross and the Gospel lying on it. The elder sank exhausted on the bed. His eyes glittered and he breathed hard. He looked intently at Alyosha, as though considering something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go, my dear boy, go. Porfiry is enough for me. Make haste, you are needed there, go and wait at the Father Superior's table.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let me stay here,&#8221; Alyosha entreated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are more needed there. There is no peace there. You will wait, and be of service. If evil spirits rise up, repeat a prayer. And remember, my son&#8221;&#8212;the elder liked to call him that&#8212;&#8220;this is not the place for you in the future. When it is God's will to call me, leave the monastery. Go away for good.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha started.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it? This is not your place for the time. I bless you for great service in the world. Yours will be a long pilgrimage. And you will have to take a wife, too. You will have to bear &lt;i&gt;all&lt;/i&gt; before you come back. There will be much to do. But I don't doubt of you, and so I send you forth. Christ is with you. Do not abandon Him and He will not abandon you. You will see great sorrow, and in that sorrow you will be happy. This is my last message to you: in sorrow seek happiness. Work, work unceasingly. Remember my words, for although I shall talk with you again, not only my days but my hours are numbered.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha's face again betrayed strong emotion. The corners of his mouth quivered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it again?&#8221; Father Zossima asked, smiling gently. &#8220;The worldly may follow the dead with tears, but here we rejoice over the father who is departing. We rejoice and pray for him. Leave me, I must pray. Go, and make haste. Be near your brothers. And not near one only, but near both.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Father Zossima raised his hand to bless him. Alyosha could make no protest, though he had a great longing to remain. He longed, moreover, to ask the significance of his bowing to Dmitri, the question was on the tip of his tongue, but he dared not ask it. He knew that the elder would have explained it unasked if he had thought fit. But evidently it was not his will. That action had made a terrible impression on Alyosha; he believed blindly in its mysterious significance. Mysterious, and perhaps awful.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As he hastened out of the hermitage precincts to reach the monastery in time to serve at the Father Superior's dinner, he felt a sudden pang at his heart, and stopped short. He seemed to hear again Father Zossima's words, foretelling his approaching end. What he had foretold so exactly must infallibly come to pass. Alyosha believed that implicitly. But how could he be left without him? How could he live without seeing and hearing him? Where should he go? He had told him not to weep, and to leave the monastery. Good God! It was long since Alyosha had known such anguish. He hurried through the copse that divided the monastery from the hermitage, and unable to bear the burden of his thoughts, he gazed at the ancient pines beside the path. He had not far to go&#8212;about five hundred paces. He expected to meet no one at that hour, but at the first turn of the path he noticed Rakitin. He was waiting for some one.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you waiting for me?&#8221; asked Alyosha, overtaking him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; grinned Rakitin. &#8220;You are hurrying to the Father Superior, I know; he has a banquet. There's not been such a banquet since the Superior entertained the Bishop and General Pahatov, do you remember? I shan't be there, but you go and hand the sauces. Tell me one thing, Alexey, what does that vision mean? That's what I want to ask you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What vision?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That bowing to your brother, Dmitri. And didn't he tap the ground with his forehead, too!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You speak of Father Zossima?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, of Father Zossima.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tapped the ground?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, an irreverent expression! Well, what of it? Anyway, what does that vision mean?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know what it means, Misha.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I knew he wouldn't explain it to you! There's nothing wonderful about it, of course, only the usual holy mummery. But there was an object in the performance. All the pious people in the town will talk about it and spread the story through the province, wondering what it meant. To my thinking the old man really has a keen nose; he sniffed a crime. Your house stinks of it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What crime?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Rakitin evidently had something he was eager to speak of.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It'll be in your family, this crime. Between your brothers and your rich old father. So Father Zossima flopped down to be ready for what may turn up. If something happens later on, it'll be: &#8216;Ah, the holy man foresaw it, prophesied it!' though it's a poor sort of prophecy, flopping like that. &#8216;Ah, but it was symbolic,' they'll say, &#8216;an allegory,' and the devil knows what all! It'll be remembered to his glory: &#8216;He predicted the crime and marked the criminal!' That's always the way with these crazy fanatics; they cross themselves at the tavern and throw stones at the temple. Like your elder, he takes a stick to a just man and falls at the feet of a murderer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What crime? What murderer? What do you mean?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha stopped dead. Rakitin stopped, too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What murderer? As though you didn't know! I'll bet you've thought of it before. That's interesting, too, by the way. Listen, Alyosha, you always speak the truth, though you're always between two stools. Have you thought of it or not? Answer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have,&#8221; answered Alyosha in a low voice. Even Rakitin was taken aback.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What? Have you really?&#8221; he cried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I ... I've not exactly thought it,&#8221; muttered Alyosha, &#8220;but directly you began speaking so strangely, I fancied I had thought of it myself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see? (And how well you expressed it!) Looking at your father and your brother Mitya to-day you thought of a crime. Then I'm not mistaken?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But wait, wait a minute,&#8221; Alyosha broke in uneasily. &#8220;What has led you to see all this? Why does it interest you? That's the first question.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Two questions, disconnected, but natural. I'll deal with them separately. What led me to see it? I shouldn't have seen it, if I hadn't suddenly understood your brother Dmitri, seen right into the very heart of him all at once. I caught the whole man from one trait. These very honest but passionate people have a line which mustn't be crossed. If it were, he'd run at your father with a knife. But your father's a drunken and abandoned old sinner, who can never draw the line&#8212;if they both let themselves go, they'll both come to grief.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Misha, no. If that's all, you've reassured me. It won't come to that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why are you trembling? Let me tell you; he may be honest, our Mitya (he is stupid, but honest), but he's&#8212;a sensualist. That's the very definition and inner essence of him. It's your father has handed him on his low sensuality. Do you know, I simply wonder at you, Alyosha, how you can have kept your purity. You're a Karamazov too, you know! In your family sensuality is carried to a disease. But now, these three sensualists are watching one another, with their knives in their belts. The three of them are knocking their heads together, and you may be the fourth.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are mistaken about that woman. Dmitri&#8212;despises her,&#8221; said Alyosha, with a sort of shudder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Grushenka? No, brother, he doesn't despise her. Since he has openly abandoned his betrothed for her, he doesn't despise her. There's something here, my dear boy, that you don't understand yet. A man will fall in love with some beauty, with a woman's body, or even with a part of a woman's body (a sensualist can understand that), and he'll abandon his own children for her, sell his father and mother, and his country, Russia, too. If he's honest, he'll steal; if he's humane, he'll murder; if he's faithful, he'll deceive. Pushkin, the poet of women's feet, sung of their feet in his verse. Others don't sing their praises, but they can't look at their feet without a thrill&#8212;and it's not only their feet. Contempt's no help here, brother, even if he did despise Grushenka. He does, but he can't tear himself away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I understand that,&#8221; Alyosha jerked out suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Really? Well, I dare say you do understand, since you blurt it out at the first word,&#8221; said Rakitin, malignantly. &#8220;That escaped you unawares, and the confession's the more precious. So it's a familiar subject; you've thought about it already, about sensuality, I mean! Oh, you virgin soul! You're a quiet one, Alyosha, you're a saint, I know, but the devil only knows what you've thought about, and what you know already! You are pure, but you've been down into the depths.... I've been watching you a long time. You're a Karamazov yourself; you're a thorough Karamazov&#8212;no doubt birth and selection have something to answer for. You're a sensualist from your father, a crazy saint from your mother. Why do you tremble? Is it true, then? Do you know, Grushenka has been begging me to bring you along. &#8216;I'll pull off his cassock,' she says. You can't think how she keeps begging me to bring you. I wondered why she took such an interest in you. Do you know, she's an extraordinary woman, too!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank her and say I'm not coming,&#8221; said Alyosha, with a strained smile. &#8220;Finish what you were saying, Misha. I'll tell you my idea after.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's nothing to finish. It's all clear. It's the same old tune, brother. If even you are a sensualist at heart, what of your brother, Ivan? He's a Karamazov, too. What is at the root of all you Karamazovs is that you're all sensual, grasping and crazy! Your brother Ivan writes theological articles in joke, for some idiotic, unknown motive of his own, though he's an atheist, and he admits it's a fraud himself&#8212;that's your brother Ivan. He's trying to get Mitya's betrothed for himself, and I fancy he'll succeed, too. And what's more, it's with Mitya's consent. For Mitya will surrender his betrothed to him to be rid of her, and escape to Grushenka. And he's ready to do that in spite of all his nobility and disinterestedness. Observe that. Those are the most fatal people! Who the devil can make you out? He recognizes his vileness and goes on with it! Let me tell you, too, the old man, your father, is standing in Mitya's way now. He has suddenly gone crazy over Grushenka. His mouth waters at the sight of her. It's simply on her account he made that scene in the cell just now, simply because Mi&#252;sov called her an &#8216;abandoned creature.' He's worse than a tom-cat in love. At first she was only employed by him in connection with his taverns and in some other shady business, but now he has suddenly realized all she is and has gone wild about her. He keeps pestering her with his offers, not honorable ones, of course. And they'll come into collision, the precious father and son, on that path! But Grushenka favors neither of them, she's still playing with them, and teasing them both, considering which she can get most out of. For though she could filch a lot of money from the papa he wouldn't marry her, and maybe he'll turn stingy in the end, and keep his purse shut. That's where Mitya's value comes in; he has no money, but he's ready to marry her. Yes, ready to marry her! to abandon his betrothed, a rare beauty, Katerina Ivanovna, who's rich, and the daughter of a colonel, and to marry Grushenka, who has been the mistress of a dissolute old merchant, Samsonov, a coarse, uneducated, provincial mayor. Some murderous conflict may well come to pass from all this, and that's what your brother Ivan is waiting for. It would suit him down to the ground. He'll carry off Katerina Ivanovna, for whom he is languishing, and pocket her dowry of sixty thousand. That's very alluring to start with, for a man of no consequence and a beggar. And, take note, he won't be wronging Mitya, but doing him the greatest service. For I know as a fact that Mitya only last week, when he was with some gypsy girls drunk in a tavern, cried out aloud that he was unworthy of his betrothed, Katya, but that his brother Ivan, he was the man who deserved her. And Katerina Ivanovna will not in the end refuse such a fascinating man as Ivan. She's hesitating between the two of them already. And how has that Ivan won you all, so that you all worship him? He is laughing at you, and enjoying himself at your expense.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you know? How can you speak so confidently?&#8221; Alyosha asked sharply, frowning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why do you ask, and are frightened at my answer? It shows that you know I'm speaking the truth.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't like Ivan. Ivan wouldn't be tempted by money.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Really? And the beauty of Katerina Ivanovna? It's not only the money, though a fortune of sixty thousand is an attraction.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan is above that. He wouldn't make up to anyone for thousands. It is not money, it's not comfort Ivan is seeking. Perhaps it's suffering he is seeking.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What wild dream now? Oh, you&#8212;aristocrats!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, Misha, he has a stormy spirit. His mind is in bondage. He is haunted by a great, unsolved doubt. He is one of those who don't want millions, but an answer to their questions.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's plagiarism, Alyosha. You're quoting your elder's phrases. Ah, Ivan has set you a problem!&#8221; cried Rakitin, with undisguised malice. His face changed, and his lips twitched. &#8220;And the problem's a stupid one. It is no good guessing it. Rack your brains&#8212;you'll understand it. His article is absurd and ridiculous. And did you hear his stupid theory just now: if there's no immortality of the soul, then there's no virtue, and everything is lawful. (And by the way, do you remember how your brother Mitya cried out: &#8216;I will remember!') An attractive theory for scoundrels!&#8212;(I'm being abusive, that's stupid.) Not for scoundrels, but for pedantic &lt;i&gt;poseurs&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb5&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;poseurs &#8211; show-offs&#034; id=&#034;nh5&#034;&gt;5&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, &#8216;haunted by profound, unsolved doubts.' He's showing off, and what it all comes to is, &#8216;on the one hand we cannot but admit' and &#8216;on the other it must be confessed!' His whole theory is a fraud! Humanity will find in itself the power to live for virtue even without believing in immortality. It will find it in love for freedom, for equality, for fraternity.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Rakitin could hardly restrain himself in his heat, but, suddenly, as though remembering something, he stopped short.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, that's enough,&#8221; he said, with a still more crooked smile. &#8220;Why are you laughing? Do you think I'm a vulgar fool?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I never dreamed of thinking you a vulgar fool. You are clever but ... never mind, I was silly to smile. I understand your getting hot about it, Misha. I guess from your warmth that you are not indifferent to Katerina Ivanovna yourself; I've suspected that for a long time, brother, that's why you don't like my brother Ivan. Are you jealous of him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And jealous of her money, too? Won't you add that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll say nothing about money. I am not going to insult you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I believe it, since you say so, but confound you, and your brother Ivan with you. Don't you understand that one might very well dislike him, apart from Katerina Ivanovna. And why the devil should I like him? He condescends to abuse me, you know. Why haven't I a right to abuse him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I never heard of his saying anything about you, good or bad. He doesn't speak of you at all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I heard that the day before yesterday at Katerina Ivanovna's he was abusing me for all he was worth&#8212;you see what an interest he takes in your humble servant. And which is the jealous one after that, brother, I can't say. He was so good as to express the opinion that, if I don't go in for the career of an archimandrite in the immediate future and don't become a monk, I shall be sure to go to Petersburg and get on to some solid magazine as a reviewer, that I shall write for the next ten years, and in the end become the owner of the magazine, and bring it out on the liberal and atheistic side, with a socialistic tinge, with a tiny gloss of socialism, but keeping a sharp look out all the time, that is, keeping in with both sides and hoodwinking the fools. According to your brother's account, the tinge of socialism won't hinder me from laying by the proceeds and investing them under the guidance of some Jew, till at the end of my career I build a great house in Petersburg and move my publishing offices to it, and let out the upper stories to lodgers. He has even chosen the place for it, near the new stone bridge across the Neva, which they say is to be built in Petersburg.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, Misha, that's just what will really happen, every word of it,&#8221; cried Alyosha, unable to restrain a good-humored smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are pleased to be sarcastic, too, Alexey Fyodorovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no, I'm joking, forgive me. I've something quite different in my mind. But, excuse me, who can have told you all this? You can't have been at Katerina Ivanovna's yourself when he was talking about you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I wasn't there, but Dmitri Fyodorovitch was; and I heard him tell it with my own ears; if you want to know, he didn't tell me, but I overheard him, unintentionally, of course, for I was sitting in Grushenka's bedroom and I couldn't go away because Dmitri Fyodorovitch was in the next room.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, I'd forgotten she was a relation of yours.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A relation! That Grushenka a relation of mine!&#8221; cried Rakitin, turning crimson. &#8220;Are you mad? You're out of your mind!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, isn't she a relation of yours? I heard so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where can you have heard it? You Karamazovs brag of being an ancient, noble family, though your father used to run about playing the buffoon at other men's tables, and was only admitted to the kitchen as a favor. I may be only a priest's son, and dirt in the eyes of noblemen like you, but don't insult me so lightly and wantonly. I have a sense of honor, too, Alexey Fyodorovitch, I couldn't be a relation of Grushenka, a common harlot. I beg you to understand that!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Rakitin was intensely irritated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive me, for goodness' sake, I had no idea ... besides ... how can you call her a harlot? Is she ... that sort of woman?&#8221; Alyosha flushed suddenly. &#8220;I tell you again, I heard that she was a relation of yours. You often go to see her, and you told me yourself you're not her lover. I never dreamed that you of all people had such contempt for her! Does she really deserve it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I may have reasons of my own for visiting her. That's not your business. But as for relationship, your brother, or even your father, is more likely to make her yours than mine. Well, here we are. You'd better go to the kitchen. Hullo! what's wrong, what is it? Are we late? They can't have finished dinner so soon! Have the Karamazovs been making trouble again? No doubt they have. Here's your father and your brother Ivan after him. They've broken out from the Father Superior's. And look, Father Isidor's shouting out something after them from the steps. And your father's shouting and waving his arms. I expect he's swearing. Bah, and there goes Mi&#252;sov driving away in his carriage. You see, he's going. And there's old Maximov running!&#8212;there must have been a row. There can't have been any dinner. Surely they've not been beating the Father Superior! Or have they, perhaps, been beaten? It would serve them right!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was reason for Rakitin's exclamations. There had been a scandalous, an unprecedented scene. It had all come from the impulse of a moment.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII. THE SCANDALOUS SCENE&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Mi&#252;sov, as a man of breeding and delicacy, could not but feel some inward qualms, when he reached the Father Superior's with Ivan: he felt ashamed of having lost his temper. He felt that he ought to have disdained that despicable wretch, Fyodor Pavlovitch, too much to have been upset by him in Father Zossima's cell, and so to have forgotten himself. &#8220;The monks were not to blame, in any case,&#8221; he reflected, on the steps. &#8220;And if they're decent people here (and the Father Superior, I understand, is a nobleman) why not be friendly and courteous with them? I won't argue, I'll fall in with everything, I'll win them by politeness, and ... and ... show them that I've nothing to do with that &#198;sop, that buffoon, that Pierrot, and have merely been taken in over this affair, just as they have.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He determined to drop his litigation with the monastery, and relinquish his claims to the wood-cutting and fishery rights at once. He was the more ready to do this because the rights had become much less valuable, and he had indeed the vaguest idea where the wood and river in question were.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
These excellent intentions were strengthened when he entered the Father Superior's dining-room, though, strictly speaking, it was not a dining-room, for the Father Superior had only two rooms altogether; they were, however, much larger and more comfortable than Father Zossima's. But there was no great luxury about the furnishing of these rooms either. The furniture was of mahogany, covered with leather, in the old-fashioned style of 1820; the floor was not even stained, but everything was shining with cleanliness, and there were many choice flowers in the windows; the most sumptuous thing in the room at the moment was, of course, the beautifully decorated table. The cloth was clean, the service shone; there were three kinds of well-baked bread, two bottles of wine, two of excellent mead, and a large glass jug of kvas&#8212;both the latter made in the monastery, and famous in the neighborhood. There was no vodka. Rakitin related afterwards that there were five dishes: fish-soup made of sterlets, served with little fish patties; then boiled fish served in a special way; then salmon cutlets, ice pudding and compote, and finally, blanc-mange. Rakitin found out about all these good things, for he could not resist peeping into the kitchen, where he already had a footing. He had a footing everywhere, and got information about everything. He was of an uneasy and envious temper. He was well aware of his own considerable abilities, and nervously exaggerated them in his self-conceit. He knew he would play a prominent part of some sort, but Alyosha, who was attached to him, was distressed to see that his friend Rakitin was dishonorable, and quite unconscious of being so himself, considering, on the contrary, that because he would not steal money left on the table he was a man of the highest integrity. Neither Alyosha nor anyone else could have influenced him in that.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Rakitin, of course, was a person of too little consequence to be invited to the dinner, to which Father Iosif, Father Pa&#239;ssy, and one other monk were the only inmates of the monastery invited. They were already waiting when Mi&#252;sov, Kalganov, and Ivan arrived. The other guest, Maximov, stood a little aside, waiting also. The Father Superior stepped into the middle of the room to receive his guests. He was a tall, thin, but still vigorous old man, with black hair streaked with gray, and a long, grave, ascetic face. He bowed to his guests in silence. But this time they approached to receive his blessing. Mi&#252;sov even tried to kiss his hand, but the Father Superior drew it back in time to avoid the salute. But Ivan and Kalganov went through the ceremony in the most simple-hearted and complete manner, kissing his hand as peasants do.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We must apologize most humbly, your reverence,&#8221; began Mi&#252;sov, simpering affably, and speaking in a dignified and respectful tone. &#8220;Pardon us for having come alone without the gentleman you invited, Fyodor Pavlovitch. He felt obliged to decline the honor of your hospitality, and not without reason. In the reverend Father Zossima's cell he was carried away by the unhappy dissension with his son, and let fall words which were quite out of keeping ... in fact, quite unseemly ... as&#8221;&#8212;he glanced at the monks&#8212;&#8220;your reverence is, no doubt, already aware. And therefore, recognizing that he had been to blame, he felt sincere regret and shame, and begged me, and his son Ivan Fyodorovitch, to convey to you his apologies and regrets. In brief, he hopes and desires to make amends later. He asks your blessing, and begs you to forget what has taken place.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As he uttered the last word of his tirade, Mi&#252;sov completely recovered his self-complacency, and all traces of his former irritation disappeared. He fully and sincerely loved humanity again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Father Superior listened to him with dignity, and, with a slight bend of the head, replied:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I sincerely deplore his absence. Perhaps at our table he might have learnt to like us, and we him. Pray be seated, gentlemen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He stood before the holy image, and began to say grace, aloud. All bent their heads reverently, and Maximov clasped his hands before him, with peculiar fervor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was at this moment that Fyodor Pavlovitch played his last prank. It must be noted that he really had meant to go home, and really had felt the impossibility of going to dine with the Father Superior as though nothing had happened, after his disgraceful behavior in the elder's cell. Not that he was so very much ashamed of himself&#8212;quite the contrary perhaps. But still he felt it would be unseemly to go to dinner. Yet his creaking carriage had hardly been brought to the steps of the hotel, and he had hardly got into it, when he suddenly stopped short. He remembered his own words at the elder's: &#8220;I always feel when I meet people that I am lower than all, and that they all take me for a buffoon; so I say let me play the buffoon, for you are, every one of you, stupider and lower than I.&#8221; He longed to revenge himself on every one for his own unseemliness. He suddenly recalled how he had once in the past been asked, &#8220;Why do you hate so and so, so much?&#8221; And he had answered them, with his shameless impudence, &#8220;I'll tell you. He has done me no harm. But I played him a dirty trick, and ever since I have hated him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Remembering that now, he smiled quietly and malignantly, hesitating for a moment. His eyes gleamed, and his lips positively quivered. &#8220;Well, since I have begun, I may as well go on,&#8221; he decided. His predominant sensation at that moment might be expressed in the following words, &#8220;Well, there is no rehabilitating myself now. So let me shame them for all I am worth. I will show them I don't care what they think&#8212;that's all!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He told the coachman to wait, while with rapid steps he returned to the monastery and straight to the Father Superior's. He had no clear idea what he would do, but he knew that he could not control himself, and that a touch might drive him to the utmost limits of obscenity, but only to obscenity, to nothing criminal, nothing for which he could be legally punished. In the last resort, he could always restrain himself, and had marveled indeed at himself, on that score, sometimes. He appeared in the Father Superior's dining-room, at the moment when the prayer was over, and all were moving to the table. Standing in the doorway, he scanned the company, and laughing his prolonged, impudent, malicious chuckle, looked them all boldly in the face. &#8220;They thought I had gone, and here I am again,&#8221; he cried to the whole room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For one moment every one stared at him without a word; and at once every one felt that something revolting, grotesque, positively scandalous, was about to happen. Mi&#252;sov passed immediately from the most benevolent frame of mind to the most savage. All the feelings that had subsided and died down in his heart revived instantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No! this I cannot endure!&#8221; he cried. &#8220;I absolutely cannot! and ... I certainly cannot!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The blood rushed to his head. He positively stammered; but he was beyond thinking of style, and he seized his hat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it he cannot?&#8221; cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, &#8220;that he absolutely cannot and certainly cannot? Your reverence, am I to come in or not? Will you receive me as your guest?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are welcome with all my heart,&#8221; answered the Superior. &#8220;Gentlemen!&#8221; he added, &#8220;I venture to beg you most earnestly to lay aside your dissensions, and to be united in love and family harmony&#8212;with prayer to the Lord at our humble table.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no, it is impossible!&#8221; cried Mi&#252;sov, beside himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, if it is impossible for Pyotr Alexandrovitch, it is impossible for me, and I won't stop. That is why I came. I will keep with Pyotr Alexandrovitch everywhere now. If you will go away, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, I will go away too, if you remain, I will remain. You stung him by what you said about family harmony, Father Superior, he does not admit he is my relation. That's right, isn't it, von Sohn? Here's von Sohn. How are you, von Sohn?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you mean me?&#8221; muttered Maximov, puzzled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course I mean you,&#8221; cried Fyodor Pavlovitch. &#8220;Who else? The Father Superior could not be von Sohn.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I am not von Sohn either. I am Maximov.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you are von Sohn. Your reverence, do you know who von Sohn was? It was a famous murder case. He was killed in a house of harlotry&#8212;I believe that is what such places are called among you&#8212;he was killed and robbed, and in spite of his venerable age, he was nailed up in a box and sent from Petersburg to Moscow in the luggage van, and while they were nailing him up, the harlots sang songs and played the harp, that is to say, the piano. So this is that very von Sohn. He has risen from the dead, hasn't he, von Sohn?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is happening? What's this?&#8221; voices were heard in the group of monks.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let us go,&#8221; cried Mi&#252;sov, addressing Kalganov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, excuse me,&#8221; Fyodor Pavlovitch broke in shrilly, taking another step into the room. &#8220;Allow me to finish. There in the cell you blamed me for behaving disrespectfully just because I spoke of eating gudgeon, Pyotr Alexandrovitch. Mi&#252;sov, my relation, prefers to have &lt;i&gt;plus de noblesse que de sinc&#233;rit&#233;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb6&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;plus de noblesse que de sinc&#233;rit&#233; &#8211; more nobility than sincerity&#034; id=&#034;nh6&#034;&gt;6&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; in his words, but I prefer in mine &lt;i&gt;plus de sinc&#233;rit&#233; que de noblesse&lt;/i&gt;, and&#8212;damn the &lt;i&gt;noblesse&lt;/i&gt;! That's right, isn't it, von Sohn? Allow me, Father Superior, though I am a buffoon and play the buffoon, yet I am the soul of honor, and I want to speak my mind. Yes, I am the soul of honor, while in Pyotr Alexandrovitch there is wounded vanity and nothing else. I came here perhaps to have a look and speak my mind. My son, Alexey, is here, being saved. I am his father; I care for his welfare, and it is my duty to care. While I've been playing the fool, I have been listening and having a look on the sly; and now I want to give you the last act of the performance. You know how things are with us? As a thing falls, so it lies. As a thing once has fallen, so it must lie for ever. Not a bit of it! I want to get up again. Holy Father, I am indignant with you. Confession is a great sacrament, before which I am ready to bow down reverently; but there in the cell, they all kneel down and confess aloud. Can it be right to confess aloud? It was ordained by the holy Fathers to confess in secret: then only your confession will be a mystery, and so it was of old. But how can I explain to him before every one that I did this and that ... well, you understand what&#8212;sometimes it would not be proper to talk about it&#8212;so it is really a scandal! No, Fathers, one might be carried along with you to the Flagellants, I dare say ... at the first opportunity I shall write to the Synod, and I shall take my son, Alexey, home.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We must note here that Fyodor Pavlovitch knew where to look for the weak spot. There had been at one time malicious rumors which had even reached the Archbishop (not only regarding our monastery, but in others where the institution of elders existed) that too much respect was paid to the elders, even to the detriment of the authority of the Superior, that the elders abused the sacrament of confession and so on and so on&#8212;absurd charges which had died away of themselves everywhere. But the spirit of folly, which had caught up Fyodor Pavlovitch, and was bearing him on the current of his own nerves into lower and lower depths of ignominy, prompted him with this old slander. Fyodor Pavlovitch did not understand a word of it, and he could not even put it sensibly, for on this occasion no one had been kneeling and confessing aloud in the elder's cell, so that he could not have seen anything of the kind. He was only speaking from confused memory of old slanders. But as soon as he had uttered his foolish tirade, he felt he had been talking absurd nonsense, and at once longed to prove to his audience, and above all to himself, that he had not been talking nonsense. And, though he knew perfectly well that with each word he would be adding more and more absurdity, he could not restrain himself, and plunged forward blindly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How disgraceful!&#8221; cried Pyotr Alexandrovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pardon me!&#8221; said the Father Superior. &#8220;It was said of old, &#8216;Many have begun to speak against me and have uttered evil sayings about me. And hearing it I have said to myself: it is the correction of the Lord and He has sent it to heal my vain soul.' And so we humbly thank you, honored guest!&#8221; and he made Fyodor Pavlovitch a low bow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tut&#8212;tut&#8212;tut&#8212;sanctimoniousness and stock phrases! Old phrases and old gestures. The old lies and formal prostrations. We know all about them. A kiss on the lips and a dagger in the heart, as in Schiller's &lt;i&gt;Robbers&lt;/i&gt;. I don't like falsehood, Fathers, I want the truth. But the truth is not to be found in eating gudgeon and that I proclaim aloud! Father monks, why do you fast? Why do you expect reward in heaven for that? Why, for reward like that I will come and fast too! No, saintly monk, you try being virtuous in the world, do good to society, without shutting yourself up in a monastery at other people's expense, and without expecting a reward up aloft for it&#8212;you'll find that a bit harder. I can talk sense, too, Father Superior. What have they got here?&#8221; He went up to the table. &#8220;Old port wine, mead brewed by the Eliseyev Brothers. Fie, fie, fathers! That is something beyond gudgeon. Look at the bottles the fathers have brought out, he he he! And who has provided it all? The Russian peasant, the laborer, brings here the farthing earned by his horny hand, wringing it from his family and the tax-gatherer! You bleed the people, you know, holy fathers.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is too disgraceful!&#8221; said Father Iosif.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Father Pa&#239;ssy kept obstinately silent. Mi&#252;sov rushed from the room, and Kalganov after him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Father, I will follow Pyotr Alexandrovitch! I am not coming to see you again. You may beg me on your knees, I shan't come. I sent you a thousand roubles, so you have begun to keep your eye on me. He he he! No, I'll say no more. I am taking my revenge for my youth, for all the humiliation I endured.&#8221; He thumped the table with his fist in a paroxysm of simulated feeling. &#8220;This monastery has played a great part in my life! It has cost me many bitter tears. You used to set my wife, the crazy one, against me. You cursed me with bell and book, you spread stories about me all over the place. Enough, fathers! This is the age of Liberalism, the age of steamers and railways. Neither a thousand, nor a hundred roubles, no, nor a hundred farthings will you get out of me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It must be noted again that our monastery never had played any great part in his life, and he never had shed a bitter tear owing to it. But he was so carried away by his simulated emotion, that he was for one moment almost believing it himself. He was so touched he was almost weeping. But at that very instant, he felt that it was time to draw back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Father Superior bowed his head at his malicious lie, and again spoke impressively:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is written again, &#8216;Bear circumspectly and gladly dishonor that cometh upon thee by no act of thine own, be not confounded and hate not him who hath dishonored thee.' And so will we.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tut, tut, tut! Bethinking thyself and the rest of the rigmarole. Bethink yourselves, Fathers, I will go. But I will take my son, Alexey, away from here for ever, on my parental authority. Ivan Fyodorovitch, my most dutiful son, permit me to order you to follow me. Von Sohn, what have you to stay for? Come and see me now in the town. It is fun there. It is only one short verst; instead of lenten oil, I will give you sucking-pig and kasha. We will have dinner with some brandy and liqueur to it.... I've cloudberry wine. Hey, von Sohn, don't lose your chance.&#8221; He went out, shouting and gesticulating.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was at that moment Rakitin saw him and pointed him out to Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alexey!&#8221; his father shouted, from far off, catching sight of him. &#8220;You come home to me to-day, for good, and bring your pillow and mattress, and leave no trace behind.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha stood rooted to the spot, watching the scene in silence. Meanwhile, Fyodor Pavlovitch had got into the carriage, and Ivan was about to follow him in grim silence without even turning to say good-by to Alyosha. But at this point another almost incredible scene of grotesque buffoonery gave the finishing touch to the episode. Maximov suddenly appeared by the side of the carriage. He ran up, panting, afraid of being too late. Rakitin and Alyosha saw him running. He was in such a hurry that in his impatience he put his foot on the step on which Ivan's left foot was still resting, and clutching the carriage he kept trying to jump in. &#8220;I am going with you!&#8221; he kept shouting, laughing a thin mirthful laugh with a look of reckless glee in his face. &#8220;Take me, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There!&#8221; cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, delighted. &#8220;Did I not say he was von Sohn. It is von Sohn himself, risen from the dead. Why, how did you tear yourself away? What did you &lt;i&gt;vonsohn&lt;/i&gt; there? And how could you get away from the dinner? You must be a brazen-faced fellow! I am that myself, but I am surprised at you, brother! Jump in, jump in! Let him pass, Ivan. It will be fun. He can lie somewhere at our feet. Will you lie at our feet, von Sohn? Or perch on the box with the coachman. Skip on to the box, von Sohn!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Ivan, who had by now taken his seat, without a word gave Maximov a violent punch in the breast and sent him flying. It was quite by chance he did not fall.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Drive on!&#8221; Ivan shouted angrily to the coachman.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, what are you doing, what are you about? Why did you do that?&#8221; Fyodor Pavlovitch protested.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the carriage had already driven away. Ivan made no reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you are a fellow,&#8221; Fyodor Pavlovitch said again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After a pause of two minutes, looking askance at his son, &#8220;Why, it was you got up all this monastery business. You urged it, you approved of it. Why are you angry now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've talked rot enough. You might rest a bit now,&#8221; Ivan snapped sullenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fyodor Pavlovitch was silent again for two minutes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A drop of brandy would be nice now,&#8221; he observed sententiously, but Ivan made no response.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You shall have some, too, when we get home.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan was still silent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fyodor Pavlovitch waited another two minutes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I shall take Alyosha away from the monastery, though you will dislike it so much, most honored Karl von Moor&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb7&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Karl von Moor &#8211; the central character in Schiller's play &#8220;The Robbers&#8221;&#034; id=&#034;nh7&#034;&gt;7&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan shrugged his shoulders contemptuously, and turning away stared at the road. And they did not speak again all the way home.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;BOOKIII&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;BOOK III. THE SENSUALISTS&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I. IN THE SERVANTS' QUARTERS&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The Karamazovs' house was far from being in the center of the town, but it was not quite outside it. It was a pleasant-looking old house of two stories, painted gray, with a red iron roof. It was roomy and snug, and might still last many years. There were all sorts of unexpected little cupboards and closets and staircases. There were rats in it, but Fyodor Pavlovitch did not altogether dislike them. &#8220;One doesn't feel so solitary when one's left alone in the evening,&#8221; he used to say. It was his habit to send the servants away to the lodge for the night and to lock himself up alone. The lodge was a roomy and solid building in the yard. Fyodor Pavlovitch used to have the cooking done there, although there was a kitchen in the house; he did not like the smell of cooking, and, winter and summer alike, the dishes were carried in across the courtyard. The house was built for a large family; there was room for five times as many, with their servants. But at the time of our story there was no one living in the house but Fyodor Pavlovitch and his son Ivan. And in the lodge there were only three servants: old Grigory, and his old wife Marfa, and a young man called Smerdyakov. Of these three we must say a few words. Of old Grigory we have said something already. He was firm and determined and went blindly and obstinately for his object, if once he had been brought by any reasons (and they were often very illogical ones) to believe that it was immutably right. He was honest and incorruptible. His wife, Marfa Ignatyevna, had obeyed her husband's will implicitly all her life, yet she had pestered him terribly after the emancipation of the serfs. She was set on leaving Fyodor Pavlovitch and opening a little shop in Moscow with their small savings. But Grigory decided then, once for all, that &#8220;the woman's talking nonsense, for every woman is dishonest,&#8221; and that they ought not to leave their old master, whatever he might be, for &#8220;that was now their duty.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you understand what duty is?&#8221; he asked Marfa Ignatyevna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I understand what duty means, Grigory Vassilyevitch, but why it's our duty to stay here I never shall understand,&#8221; Marfa answered firmly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, don't understand then. But so it shall be. And you hold your tongue.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And so it was. They did not go away, and Fyodor Pavlovitch promised them a small sum for wages, and paid it regularly. Grigory knew, too, that he had an indisputable influence over his master. It was true, and he was aware of it. Fyodor Pavlovitch was an obstinate and cunning buffoon, yet, though his will was strong enough &#8220;in some of the affairs of life,&#8221; as he expressed it, he found himself, to his surprise, extremely feeble in facing certain other emergencies. He knew his weaknesses and was afraid of them. There are positions in which one has to keep a sharp look out. And that's not easy without a trustworthy man, and Grigory was a most trustworthy man. Many times in the course of his life Fyodor Pavlovitch had only just escaped a sound thrashing through Grigory's intervention, and on each occasion the old servant gave him a good lecture. But it wasn't only thrashings that Fyodor Pavlovitch was afraid of. There were graver occasions, and very subtle and complicated ones, when Fyodor Pavlovitch could not have explained the extraordinary craving for someone faithful and devoted, which sometimes unaccountably came upon him all in a moment. It was almost a morbid condition. Corrupt and often cruel in his lust, like some noxious insect, Fyodor Pavlovitch was sometimes, in moments of drunkenness, overcome by superstitious terror and a moral convulsion which took an almost physical form. &#8220;My soul's simply quaking in my throat at those times,&#8221; he used to say. At such moments he liked to feel that there was near at hand, in the lodge if not in the room, a strong, faithful man, virtuous and unlike himself, who had seen all his debauchery and knew all his secrets, but was ready in his devotion to overlook all that, not to oppose him, above all, not to reproach him or threaten him with anything, either in this world or in the next, and, in case of need, to defend him&#8212;from whom? From somebody unknown, but terrible and dangerous. What he needed was to feel that there was &lt;i&gt;another&lt;/i&gt; man, an old and tried friend, that he might call him in his sick moments merely to look at his face, or, perhaps, exchange some quite irrelevant words with him. And if the old servant were not angry, he felt comforted, and if he were angry, he was more dejected. It happened even (very rarely however) that Fyodor Pavlovitch went at night to the lodge to wake Grigory and fetch him for a moment. When the old man came, Fyodor Pavlovitch would begin talking about the most trivial matters, and would soon let him go again, sometimes even with a jest. And after he had gone, Fyodor Pavlovitch would get into bed with a curse and sleep the sleep of the just. Something of the same sort had happened to Fyodor Pavlovitch on Alyosha's arrival. Alyosha &#8220;pierced his heart&#8221; by &#8220;living with him, seeing everything and blaming nothing.&#8221; Moreover, Alyosha brought with him something his father had never known before: a complete absence of contempt for him and an invariable kindness, a perfectly natural unaffected devotion to the old man who deserved it so little. All this was a complete surprise to the old profligate, who had dropped all family ties. It was a new and surprising experience for him, who had till then loved nothing but &#8220;evil.&#8221; When Alyosha had left him, he confessed to himself that he had learnt something he had not till then been willing to learn.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I have mentioned already that Grigory had detested Adela&#239;da Ivanovna, the first wife of Fyodor Pavlovitch and the mother of Dmitri, and that he had, on the contrary, protected Sofya Ivanovna, the poor &#8220;crazy woman,&#8221; against his master and anyone who chanced to speak ill or lightly of her. His sympathy for the unhappy wife had become something sacred to him, so that even now, twenty years after, he could not bear a slighting allusion to her from any one, and would at once check the offender. Externally, Grigory was cold, dignified and taciturn, and spoke, weighing his words, without frivolity. It was impossible to tell at first sight whether he loved his meek, obedient wife; but he really did love her, and she knew it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Marfa Ignatyevna was by no means foolish; she was probably, indeed, cleverer than her husband, or, at least, more prudent than he in worldly affairs, and yet she had given in to him in everything without question or complaint ever since her marriage, and respected him for his spiritual superiority. It was remarkable how little they spoke to one another in the course of their lives, and only of the most necessary daily affairs. The grave and dignified Grigory thought over all his cares and duties alone, so that Marfa Ignatyevna had long grown used to knowing that he did not need her advice. She felt that her husband respected her silence, and took it as a sign of her good sense. He had never beaten her but once, and then only slightly. Once during the year after Fyodor Pavlovitch's marriage with Adela&#239;da Ivanovna, the village girls and women&#8212;at that time serfs&#8212;were called together before the house to sing and dance. They were beginning &#8220;In the Green Meadows,&#8221; when Marfa, at that time a young woman, skipped forward and danced &#8220;the Russian Dance,&#8221; not in the village fashion, but as she had danced it when she was a servant in the service of the rich Mi&#252;sov family, in their private theater, where the actors were taught to dance by a dancing master from Moscow. Grigory saw how his wife danced, and, an hour later, at home in their cottage he gave her a lesson, pulling her hair a little. But there it ended: the beating was never repeated, and Marfa Ignatyevna gave up dancing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
God had not blessed them with children. One child was born but it died. Grigory was fond of children, and was not ashamed of showing it. When Adela&#239;da Ivanovna had run away, Grigory took Dmitri, then a child of three years old, combed his hair and washed him in a tub with his own hands, and looked after him for almost a year. Afterwards he had looked after Ivan and Alyosha, for which the general's widow had rewarded him with a slap in the face; but I have already related all that. The only happiness his own child had brought him had been in the anticipation of its birth. When it was born, he was overwhelmed with grief and horror. The baby had six fingers. Grigory was so crushed by this, that he was not only silent till the day of the christening, but kept away in the garden. It was spring, and he spent three days digging the kitchen garden. The third day was fixed for christening the baby: mean-time Grigory had reached a conclusion. Going into the cottage where the clergy were assembled and the visitors had arrived, including Fyodor Pavlovitch, who was to stand god-father, he suddenly announced that the baby &#8220;ought not to be christened at all.&#8221; He announced this quietly, briefly, forcing out his words, and gazing with dull intentness at the priest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not?&#8221; asked the priest with good-humored surprise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Because it's a dragon,&#8221; muttered Grigory.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A dragon? What dragon?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grigory did not speak for some time. &#8220;It's a confusion of nature,&#8221; he muttered vaguely, but firmly, and obviously unwilling to say more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They laughed, and of course christened the poor baby. Grigory prayed earnestly at the font, but his opinion of the new-born child remained unchanged. Yet he did not interfere in any way. As long as the sickly infant lived he scarcely looked at it, tried indeed not to notice it, and for the most part kept out of the cottage. But when, at the end of a fortnight, the baby died of thrush, he himself laid the child in its little coffin, looked at it in profound grief, and when they were filling up the shallow little grave he fell on his knees and bowed down to the earth. He did not for years afterwards mention his child, nor did Marfa speak of the baby before him, and, even if Grigory were not present, she never spoke of it above a whisper. Marfa observed that, from the day of the burial, he devoted himself to &#8220;religion,&#8221; and took to reading the &lt;i&gt;Lives of the Saints&lt;/i&gt;, for the most part sitting alone and in silence, and always putting on his big, round, silver-rimmed spectacles. He rarely read aloud, only perhaps in Lent. He was fond of the Book of Job, and had somehow got hold of a copy of the sayings and sermons of &#8220;the God-fearing Father Isaac the Syrian,&#8221; which he read persistently for years together, understanding very little of it, but perhaps prizing and loving it the more for that. Of late he had begun to listen to the doctrines of the sect of Flagellants settled in the neighborhood. He was evidently shaken by them, but judged it unfitting to go over to the new faith. His habit of theological reading gave him an expression of still greater gravity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was perhaps predisposed to mysticism. And the birth of his deformed child, and its death, had, as though by special design, been accompanied by another strange and marvelous event, which, as he said later, had left a &#8220;stamp&#8221; upon his soul. It happened that, on the very night after the burial of his child, Marfa was awakened by the wail of a new-born baby. She was frightened and waked her husband. He listened and said he thought it was more like some one groaning, &#8220;it might be a woman.&#8221; He got up and dressed. It was a rather warm night in May. As he went down the steps, he distinctly heard groans coming from the garden. But the gate from the yard into the garden was locked at night, and there was no other way of entering it, for it was enclosed all round by a strong, high fence. Going back into the house, Grigory lighted a lantern, took the garden key, and taking no notice of the hysterical fears of his wife, who was still persuaded that she heard a child crying, and that it was her own baby crying and calling for her, went into the garden in silence. There he heard at once that the groans came from the bath-house that stood near the garden gate, and that they were the groans of a woman. Opening the door of the bath-house, he saw a sight which petrified him. An idiot girl, who wandered about the streets and was known to the whole town by the nickname of Lizaveta Smerdyastchaya (Stinking Lizaveta), had got into the bath-house and had just given birth to a child. She lay dying with the baby beside her. She said nothing, for she had never been able to speak. But her story needs a chapter to itself.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II. LIZAVETA&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;There was one circumstance which struck Grigory particularly, and confirmed a very unpleasant and revolting suspicion. This Lizaveta was a dwarfish creature, &#8220;not five foot within a wee bit,&#8221; as many of the pious old women said pathetically about her, after her death. Her broad, healthy, red face had a look of blank idiocy and the fixed stare in her eyes was unpleasant, in spite of their meek expression. She wandered about, summer and winter alike, barefooted, wearing nothing but a hempen smock. Her coarse, almost black hair curled like lamb's wool, and formed a sort of huge cap on her head. It was always crusted with mud, and had leaves, bits of stick, and shavings clinging to it, as she always slept on the ground and in the dirt. Her father, a homeless, sickly drunkard, called Ilya, had lost everything and lived many years as a workman with some well-to-do tradespeople. Her mother had long been dead. Spiteful and diseased, Ilya used to beat Lizaveta inhumanly whenever she returned to him. But she rarely did so, for every one in the town was ready to look after her as being an idiot, and so specially dear to God. Ilya's employers, and many others in the town, especially of the tradespeople, tried to clothe her better, and always rigged her out with high boots and sheepskin coat for the winter. But, although she allowed them to dress her up without resisting, she usually went away, preferably to the cathedral porch, and taking off all that had been given her&#8212;kerchief, sheepskin, skirt or boots&#8212;she left them there and walked away barefoot in her smock as before. It happened on one occasion that a new governor of the province, making a tour of inspection in our town, saw Lizaveta, and was wounded in his tenderest susceptibilities. And though he was told she was an idiot, he pronounced that for a young woman of twenty to wander about in nothing but a smock was a breach of the proprieties, and must not occur again. But the governor went his way, and Lizaveta was left as she was. At last her father died, which made her even more acceptable in the eyes of the religious persons of the town, as an orphan. In fact, every one seemed to like her; even the boys did not tease her, and the boys of our town, especially the schoolboys, are a mischievous set. She would walk into strange houses, and no one drove her away. Every one was kind to her and gave her something. If she were given a copper, she would take it, and at once drop it in the alms-jug of the church or prison. If she were given a roll or bun in the market, she would hand it to the first child she met. Sometimes she would stop one of the richest ladies in the town and give it to her, and the lady would be pleased to take it. She herself never tasted anything but black bread and water. If she went into an expensive shop, where there were costly goods or money lying about, no one kept watch on her, for they knew that if she saw thousands of roubles overlooked by them, she would not have touched a farthing. She scarcely ever went to church. She slept either in the church porch or climbed over a hurdle (there are many hurdles instead of fences to this day in our town) into a kitchen garden. She used at least once a week to turn up &#8220;at home,&#8221; that is at the house of her father's former employers, and in the winter went there every night, and slept either in the passage or the cowhouse. People were amazed that she could stand such a life, but she was accustomed to it, and, although she was so tiny, she was of a robust constitution. Some of the townspeople declared that she did all this only from pride, but that is hardly credible. She could hardly speak, and only from time to time uttered an inarticulate grunt. How could she have been proud?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It happened one clear, warm, moonlight night in September (many years ago) five or six drunken revelers were returning from the club at a very late hour, according to our provincial notions. They passed through the &#8220;back-way,&#8221; which led between the back gardens of the houses, with hurdles on either side. This way leads out on to the bridge over the long, stinking pool which we were accustomed to call a river. Among the nettles and burdocks under the hurdle our revelers saw Lizaveta asleep. They stopped to look at her, laughing, and began jesting with unbridled licentiousness. It occurred to one young gentleman to make the whimsical inquiry whether anyone could possibly look upon such an animal as a woman, and so forth.... They all pronounced with lofty repugnance that it was impossible. But Fyodor Pavlovitch, who was among them, sprang forward and declared that it was by no means impossible, and that, indeed, there was a certain piquancy about it, and so on.... It is true that at that time he was overdoing his part as a buffoon. He liked to put himself forward and entertain the company, ostensibly on equal terms, of course, though in reality he was on a servile footing with them. It was just at the time when he had received the news of his first wife's death in Petersburg, and, with crape upon his hat, was drinking and behaving so shamelessly that even the most reckless among us were shocked at the sight of him. The revelers, of course, laughed at this unexpected opinion; and one of them even began challenging him to act upon it. The others repelled the idea even more emphatically, although still with the utmost hilarity, and at last they went on their way. Later on, Fyodor Pavlovitch swore that he had gone with them, and perhaps it was so, no one knows for certain, and no one ever knew. But five or six months later, all the town was talking, with intense and sincere indignation, of Lizaveta's condition, and trying to find out who was the miscreant who had wronged her. Then suddenly a terrible rumor was all over the town that this miscreant was no other than Fyodor Pavlovitch. Who set the rumor going? Of that drunken band five had left the town and the only one still among us was an elderly and much respected civil councilor, the father of grown-up daughters, who could hardly have spread the tale, even if there had been any foundation for it. But rumor pointed straight at Fyodor Pavlovitch, and persisted in pointing at him. Of course this was no great grievance to him: he would not have troubled to contradict a set of tradespeople. In those days he was proud, and did not condescend to talk except in his own circle of the officials and nobles, whom he entertained so well.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the time, Grigory stood up for his master vigorously. He provoked quarrels and altercations in defense of him and succeeded in bringing some people round to his side. &#8220;It's the wench's own fault,&#8221; he asserted, and the culprit was Karp, a dangerous convict, who had escaped from prison and whose name was well known to us, as he had hidden in our town. This conjecture sounded plausible, for it was remembered that Karp had been in the neighborhood just at that time in the autumn, and had robbed three people. But this affair and all the talk about it did not estrange popular sympathy from the poor idiot. She was better looked after than ever. A well-to-do merchant's widow named Kondratyev arranged to take her into her house at the end of April, meaning not to let her go out until after the confinement. They kept a constant watch over her, but in spite of their vigilance she escaped on the very last day, and made her way into Fyodor Pavlovitch's garden. How, in her condition, she managed to climb over the high, strong fence remained a mystery. Some maintained that she must have been lifted over by somebody; others hinted at something more uncanny. The most likely explanation is that it happened naturally&#8212;that Lizaveta, accustomed to clambering over hurdles to sleep in gardens, had somehow managed to climb this fence, in spite of her condition, and had leapt down, injuring herself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grigory rushed to Marfa and sent her to Lizaveta, while he ran to fetch an old midwife who lived close by. They saved the baby, but Lizaveta died at dawn. Grigory took the baby, brought it home, and making his wife sit down, put it on her lap. &#8220;A child of God&#8212;an orphan is akin to all,&#8221; he said, &#8220;and to us above others. Our little lost one has sent us this, who has come from the devil's son and a holy innocent. Nurse him and weep no more.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So Marfa brought up the child. He was christened Pavel, to which people were not slow in adding Fyodorovitch (son of Fyodor). Fyodor Pavlovitch did not object to any of this, and thought it amusing, though he persisted vigorously in denying his responsibility. The townspeople were pleased at his adopting the foundling. Later on, Fyodor Pavlovitch invented a surname for the child, calling him Smerdyakov, after his mother's nickname.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So this Smerdyakov became Fyodor Pavlovitch's second servant, and was living in the lodge with Grigory and Marfa at the time our story begins. He was employed as cook. I ought to say something of this Smerdyakov, but I am ashamed of keeping my readers' attention so long occupied with these common menials, and I will go back to my story, hoping to say more of Smerdyakov in the course of it.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III. THE CONFESSION OF A PASSIONATE HEART&#8212;IN VERSE&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Alyosha remained for some time irresolute after hearing the command his father shouted to him from the carriage. But in spite of his uneasiness he did not stand still. That was not his way. He went at once to the kitchen to find out what his father had been doing above. Then he set off, trusting that on the way he would find some answer to the doubt tormenting him. I hasten to add that his father's shouts, commanding him to return home &#8220;with his mattress and pillow&#8221; did not frighten him in the least. He understood perfectly that those peremptory shouts were merely &#8220;a flourish&#8221; to produce an effect. In the same way a tradesman in our town who was celebrating his name-day with a party of friends, getting angry at being refused more vodka, smashed up his own crockery and furniture and tore his own and his wife's clothes, and finally broke his windows, all for the sake of effect. Next day, of course, when he was sober, he regretted the broken cups and saucers. Alyosha knew that his father would let him go back to the monastery next day, possibly even that evening. Moreover, he was fully persuaded that his father might hurt anyone else, but would not hurt him. Alyosha was certain that no one in the whole world ever would want to hurt him, and, what is more, he knew that no one could hurt him. This was for him an axiom, assumed once for all without question, and he went his way without hesitation, relying on it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But at that moment an anxiety of a different sort disturbed him, and worried him the more because he could not formulate it. It was the fear of a woman, of Katerina Ivanovna, who had so urgently entreated him in the note handed to him by Madame Hohlakov to come and see her about something. This request and the necessity of going had at once aroused an uneasy feeling in his heart, and this feeling had grown more and more painful all the morning in spite of the scenes at the hermitage and at the Father Superior's. He was not uneasy because he did not know what she would speak of and what he must answer. And he was not afraid of her simply as a woman. Though he knew little of women, he had spent his life, from early childhood till he entered the monastery, entirely with women. He was afraid of that woman, Katerina Ivanovna. He had been afraid of her from the first time he saw her. He had only seen her two or three times, and had only chanced to say a few words to her. He thought of her as a beautiful, proud, imperious girl. It was not her beauty which troubled him, but something else. And the vagueness of his apprehension increased the apprehension itself. The girl's aims were of the noblest, he knew that. She was trying to save his brother Dmitri simply through generosity, though he had already behaved badly to her. Yet, although Alyosha recognized and did justice to all these fine and generous sentiments, a shiver began to run down his back as soon as he drew near her house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He reflected that he would not find Ivan, who was so intimate a friend, with her, for Ivan was certainly now with his father. Dmitri he was even more certain not to find there, and he had a foreboding of the reason. And so his conversation would be with her alone. He had a great longing to run and see his brother Dmitri before that fateful interview. Without showing him the letter, he could talk to him about it. But Dmitri lived a long way off, and he was sure to be away from home too. Standing still for a minute, he reached a final decision. Crossing himself with a rapid and accustomed gesture, and at once smiling, he turned resolutely in the direction of his terrible lady.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He knew her house. If he went by the High Street and then across the market-place, it was a long way round. Though our town is small, it is scattered, and the houses are far apart. And meanwhile his father was expecting him, and perhaps had not yet forgotten his command. He might be unreasonable, and so he had to make haste to get there and back. So he decided to take a short cut by the back-way, for he knew every inch of the ground. This meant skirting fences, climbing over hurdles, and crossing other people's back-yards, where every one he met knew him and greeted him. In this way he could reach the High Street in half the time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had to pass the garden adjoining his father's, and belonging to a little tumbledown house with four windows. The owner of this house, as Alyosha knew, was a bedridden old woman, living with her daughter, who had been a genteel maid-servant in generals' families in Petersburg. Now she had been at home a year, looking after her sick mother. She always dressed up in fine clothes, though her old mother and she had sunk into such poverty that they went every day to Fyodor Pavlovitch's kitchen for soup and bread, which Marfa gave readily. Yet, though the young woman came up for soup, she had never sold any of her dresses, and one of these even had a long train&#8212;a fact which Alyosha had learned from Rakitin, who always knew everything that was going on in the town. He had forgotten it as soon as he heard it, but now, on reaching the garden, he remembered the dress with the train, raised his head, which had been bowed in thought, and came upon something quite unexpected.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Over the hurdle in the garden, Dmitri, mounted on something, was leaning forward, gesticulating violently, beckoning to him, obviously afraid to utter a word for fear of being overheard. Alyosha ran up to the hurdle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's a good thing you looked up. I was nearly shouting to you,&#8221; Mitya said in a joyful, hurried whisper. &#8220;Climb in here quickly! How splendid that you've come! I was just thinking of you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha was delighted too, but he did not know how to get over the hurdle. Mitya put his powerful hand under his elbow to help him jump. Tucking up his cassock, Alyosha leapt over the hurdle with the agility of a bare-legged street urchin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well done! Now come along,&#8221; said Mitya in an enthusiastic whisper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where?&#8221; whispered Alyosha, looking about him and finding himself in a deserted garden with no one near but themselves. The garden was small, but the house was at least fifty paces away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's no one here. Why do you whisper?&#8221; asked Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why do I whisper? Deuce take it!&#8221; cried Dmitri at the top of his voice. &#8220;You see what silly tricks nature plays one. I am here in secret, and on the watch. I'll explain later on, but, knowing it's a secret, I began whispering like a fool, when there's no need. Let us go. Over there. Till then be quiet. I want to kiss you.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Glory to God in the world,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Glory to God in me &#8230;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I was just repeating that, sitting here, before you came.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The garden was about three acres in extent, and planted with trees only along the fence at the four sides. There were apple-trees, maples, limes and birch-trees. The middle of the garden was an empty grass space, from which several hundredweight of hay was carried in the summer. The garden was let out for a few roubles for the summer. There were also plantations of raspberries and currants and gooseberries laid out along the sides; a kitchen garden had been planted lately near the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dmitri led his brother to the most secluded corner of the garden. There, in a thicket of lime-trees and old bushes of black currant, elder, snowball-tree, and lilac, there stood a tumble-down green summer-house, blackened with age. Its walls were of lattice-work, but there was still a roof which could give shelter. God knows when this summer-house was built. There was a tradition that it had been put up some fifty years before by a retired colonel called von Schmidt, who owned the house at that time. It was all in decay, the floor was rotting, the planks were loose, the woodwork smelled musty. In the summer-house there was a green wooden table fixed in the ground, and round it were some green benches upon which it was still possible to sit. Alyosha had at once observed his brother's exhilarated condition, and on entering the arbor he saw half a bottle of brandy and a wineglass on the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's brandy,&#8221; Mitya laughed. &#8220;I see your look: &#8216;He's drinking again!' Distrust the apparition.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Distrust the worthless, lying crowd,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And lay aside thy doubts.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I'm not drinking, I'm only &#8216;indulging,' as that pig, your Rakitin, says. He'll be a civil councilor one day, but he'll always talk about &#8216;indulging.' Sit down. I could take you in my arms, Alyosha, and press you to my bosom till I crush you, for in the whole world&#8212;in reality&#8212;in re-al-i-ty&#8212;(can you take it in?) I love no one but you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He uttered the last words in a sort of exaltation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No one but you and one &#8216;jade' I have fallen in love with, to my ruin. But being in love doesn't mean loving. You may be in love with a woman and yet hate her. Remember that! I can talk about it gayly still. Sit down here by the table and I'll sit beside you and look at you, and go on talking. You shall keep quiet and I'll go on talking, for the time has come. But on reflection, you know, I'd better speak quietly, for here&#8212;here&#8212;you can never tell what ears are listening. I will explain everything; as they say, &#8216;the story will be continued.' Why have I been longing for you? Why have I been thirsting for you all these days, and just now? (It's five days since I've cast anchor here.) Because it's only to you I can tell everything; because I must, because I need you, because to-morrow I shall fly from the clouds, because to-morrow life is ending and beginning. Have you ever felt, have you ever dreamt of falling down a precipice into a pit? That's just how I'm falling, but not in a dream. And I'm not afraid, and don't you be afraid. At least, I am afraid, but I enjoy it. It's not enjoyment though, but ecstasy. Damn it all, whatever it is! A strong spirit, a weak spirit, a womanish spirit&#8212;whatever it is! Let us praise nature: you see what sunshine, how clear the sky is, the leaves are all green, it's still summer; four o'clock in the afternoon and the stillness! Where were you going?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was going to father's, but I meant to go to Katerina Ivanovna's first.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To her, and to father! Oo! what a coincidence! Why was I waiting for you? Hungering and thirsting for you in every cranny of my soul and even in my ribs? Why, to send you to father and to her, Katerina Ivanovna, so as to have done with her and with father. To send an angel. I might have sent any one, but I wanted to send an angel. And here you are on your way to see father and her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did you really mean to send me?&#8221; cried Alyosha with a distressed expression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay! You knew it! And I see you understand it all at once. But be quiet, be quiet for a time. Don't be sorry, and don't cry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dmitri stood up, thought a moment, and put his finger to his forehead.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's asked you, written to you a letter or something, that's why you're going to her? You wouldn't be going except for that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here is her note.&#8221; Alyosha took it out of his pocket. Mitya looked through it quickly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you were going the back-way! Oh, gods, I thank you for sending him by the back-way, and he came to me like the golden fish to the silly old fishermen in the fable! Listen, Alyosha, listen, brother! Now I mean to tell you everything, for I must tell some one. An angel in heaven I've told already; but I want to tell an angel on earth. You are an angel on earth. You will hear and judge and forgive. And that's what I need, that some one above me should forgive. Listen! If two people break away from everything on earth and fly off into the unknown, or at least one of them, and before flying off or going to ruin he comes to some one else and says, &#8216;Do this for me'&#8212;some favor never asked before that could only be asked on one's deathbed&#8212;would that other refuse, if he were a friend or a brother?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will do it, but tell me what it is, and make haste,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Make haste! H'm!... Don't be in a hurry, Alyosha, you hurry and worry yourself. There's no need to hurry now. Now the world has taken a new turning. Ah, Alyosha, what a pity you can't understand ecstasy. But what am I saying to him? As though you didn't understand it. What an ass I am! What am I saying? &#8216;Be noble, O man!'&#8212;who says that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha made up his mind to wait. He felt that, perhaps, indeed, his work lay here. Mitya sank into thought for a moment, with his elbow on the table and his head in his hand. Both were silent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha,&#8221; said Mitya, &#8220;you're the only one who won't laugh. I should like to begin&#8212;my confession&#8212;with Schiller's &lt;i&gt;Hymn to Joy, An die Freude&lt;/i&gt;! I don't know German, I only know it's called that. Don't think I'm talking nonsense because I'm drunk. I'm not a bit drunk. Brandy's all very well, but I need two bottles to make me drunk:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Silenus with his rosy phiz&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Upon his stumbling ass.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But I've not drunk a quarter of a bottle, and I'm not Silenus. I'm not Silenus, though I am strong&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb8&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;strong &#8211; in Russian, &#8220;silen&#8221;. &#8212;TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&#034; id=&#034;nh8&#034;&gt;8&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, for I've made a decision once for all. Forgive me the pun; you'll have to forgive me a lot more than puns to-day. Don't be uneasy. I'm not spinning it out. I'm talking sense, and I'll come to the point in a minute. I won't keep you in suspense. Stay, how does it go?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He raised his head, thought a minute, and began with enthusiasm:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Wild and fearful in his cavern&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hid the naked troglodyte,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the homeless nomad wandered&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Laying waste the fertile plain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Menacing with spear and arrow&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the woods the hunter strayed....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Woe to all poor wretches stranded&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On those cruel and hostile shores!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;From the peak of high Olympus&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Came the mother Ceres down,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seeking in those savage regions&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her lost daughter Proserpine.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the Goddess found no refuge,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Found no kindly welcome there,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And no temple bearing witness&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To the worship of the gods.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;From the fields and from the vineyards&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Came no fruits to deck the feasts,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Only flesh of bloodstained victims&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smoldered on the altar-fires,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And where'er the grieving goddess&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Turns her melancholy gaze,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sunk in vilest degradation&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Man his loathsomeness displays.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Mitya broke into sobs and seized Alyosha's hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear, my dear, in degradation, in degradation now, too. There's a terrible amount of suffering for man on earth, a terrible lot of trouble. Don't think I'm only a brute in an officer's uniform, wallowing in dirt and drink. I hardly think of anything but of that degraded man&#8212;if only I'm not lying. I pray God I'm not lying and showing off. I think about that man because I am that man myself.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Would he purge his soul from vileness&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And attain to light and worth,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He must turn and cling for ever&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To his ancient Mother Earth.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But the difficulty is how am I to cling for ever to Mother Earth. I don't kiss her. I don't cleave to her bosom. Am I to become a peasant or a shepherd? I go on and I don't know whether I'm going to shame or to light and joy. That's the trouble, for everything in the world is a riddle! And whenever I've happened to sink into the vilest degradation (and it's always been happening) I always read that poem about Ceres and man. Has it reformed me? Never! For I'm a Karamazov. For when I do leap into the pit, I go headlong with my heels up, and am pleased to be falling in that degrading attitude, and pride myself upon it. And in the very depths of that degradation I begin a hymn of praise. Let me be accursed. Let me be vile and base, only let me kiss the hem of the veil in which my God is shrouded. Though I may be following the devil, I am Thy son, O Lord, and I love Thee, and I feel the joy without which the world cannot stand.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Joy everlasting fostereth&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The soul of all creation,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It is her secret ferment fires&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The cup of life with flame.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
'Tis at her beck the grass hath turned&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Each blade towards the light&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And solar systems have evolved&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
From chaos and dark night,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Filling the realms of boundless space&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Beyond the sage's sight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At bounteous Nature's kindly breast,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All things that breathe drink Joy,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And birds and beasts and creeping things&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All follow where She leads.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her gifts to man are friends in need,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The wreath, the foaming must,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To angels&#8212;vision of God's throne,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To insects&#8212;sensual lust.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But enough poetry! I am in tears; let me cry. It may be foolishness that every one would laugh at. But you won't laugh. Your eyes are shining, too. Enough poetry. I want to tell you now about the insects to whom God gave &#8220;sensual lust.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;To insects&#8212;sensual lust.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I am that insect, brother, and it is said of me specially. All we Karamazovs are such insects, and, angel as you are, that insect lives in you, too, and will stir up a tempest in your blood. Tempests, because sensual lust is a tempest&#8212;worse than a tempest! Beauty is a terrible and awful thing! It is terrible because it has not been fathomed and never can be fathomed, for God sets us nothing but riddles. Here the boundaries meet and all contradictions exist side by side. I am not a cultivated man, brother, but I've thought a lot about this. It's terrible what mysteries there are! Too many riddles weigh men down on earth. We must solve them as we can, and try to keep a dry skin in the water. Beauty! I can't endure the thought that a man of lofty mind and heart begins with the ideal of the Madonna and ends with the ideal of Sodom. What's still more awful is that a man with the ideal of Sodom in his soul does not renounce the ideal of the Madonna, and his heart may be on fire with that ideal, genuinely on fire, just as in his days of youth and innocence. Yes, man is broad, too broad, indeed. I'd have him narrower. The devil only knows what to make of it! What to the mind is shameful is beauty and nothing else to the heart. Is there beauty in Sodom? Believe me, that for the immense mass of mankind beauty is found in Sodom. Did you know that secret? The awful thing is that beauty is mysterious as well as terrible. God and the devil are fighting there and the battlefield is the heart of man. But a man always talks of his own ache. Listen, now to come to facts.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV. THE CONFESSION OF A PASSIONATE HEART&#8212;IN ANECDOTE&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;I was leading a wild life then. Father said just now that I spent several thousand roubles in seducing young girls. That's a swinish invention, and there was nothing of the sort. And if there was, I didn't need money simply for &lt;i&gt;that&lt;/i&gt;. With me money is an accessory, the overflow of my heart, the framework. To-day she would be my lady, to-morrow a wench out of the streets in her place. I entertained them both. I threw away money by the handful on music, rioting, and gypsies. Sometimes I gave it to the ladies, too, for they'll take it greedily, that must be admitted, and be pleased and thankful for it. Ladies used to be fond of me: not all of them, but it happened, it happened. But I always liked side-paths, little dark back-alleys behind the main road&#8212;there one finds adventures and surprises, and precious metal in the dirt. I am speaking figuratively, brother. In the town I was in, there were no such back-alleys in the literal sense, but morally there were. If you were like me, you'd know what that means. I loved vice, I loved the ignominy of vice. I loved cruelty; am I not a bug, am I not a noxious insect? In fact a Karamazov! Once we went, a whole lot of us, for a picnic, in seven sledges. It was dark, it was winter, and I began squeezing a girl's hand, and forced her to kiss me. She was the daughter of an official, a sweet, gentle, submissive creature. She allowed me, she allowed me much in the dark. She thought, poor thing, that I should come next day to make her an offer (I was looked upon as a good match, too). But I didn't say a word to her for five months. I used to see her in a corner at dances (we were always having dances), her eyes watching me. I saw how they glowed with fire&#8212;a fire of gentle indignation. This game only tickled that insect lust I cherished in my soul. Five months later she married an official and left the town, still angry, and still, perhaps, in love with me. Now they live happily. Observe that I told no one. I didn't boast of it. Though I'm full of low desires, and love what's low, I'm not dishonorable. You're blushing; your eyes flashed. Enough of this filth with you. And all this was nothing much&#8212;wayside blossoms &lt;i&gt;&#224; la&lt;/i&gt; Paul de Kock&#8212;though the cruel insect had already grown strong in my soul. I've a perfect album of reminiscences, brother. God bless them, the darlings. I tried to break it off without quarreling. And I never gave them away. I never bragged of one of them. But that's enough. You can't suppose I brought you here simply to talk of such nonsense. No, I'm going to tell you something more curious; and don't be surprised that I'm glad to tell you, instead of being ashamed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You say that because I blushed,&#8221; Alyosha said suddenly. &#8220;I wasn't blushing at what you were saying or at what you've done. I blushed because I am the same as you are.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You? Come, that's going a little too far!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it's not too far,&#8221; said Alyosha warmly (obviously the idea was not a new one). &#8220;The ladder's the same. I'm at the bottom step, and you're above, somewhere about the thirteenth. That's how I see it. But it's all the same. Absolutely the same in kind. anyone on the bottom step is bound to go up to the top one.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then one ought not to step on at all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;anyone who can help it had better not.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But can you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think not.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hush, Alyosha, hush, darling! I could kiss your hand, you touch me so. That rogue Grushenka has an eye for men. She told me once that she'd devour you one day. There, there, I won't! From this field of corruption fouled by flies, let's pass to my tragedy, also befouled by flies, that is by every sort of vileness. Although the old man told lies about my seducing innocence, there really was something of the sort in my tragedy, though it was only once, and then it did not come off. The old man who has reproached me with what never happened does not even know of this fact; I never told anyone about it. You're the first, except Ivan, of course&#8212;Ivan knows everything. He knew about it long before you. But Ivan's a tomb.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan's a tomb?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha listened with great attention.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was lieutenant in a line regiment, but still I was under supervision, like a kind of convict. Yet I was awfully well received in the little town. I spent money right and left. I was thought to be rich; I thought so myself. But I must have pleased them in other ways as well. Although they shook their heads over me, they liked me. My colonel, who was an old man, took a sudden dislike to me. He was always down upon me, but I had powerful friends, and, moreover, all the town was on my side, so he couldn't do me much harm. I was in fault myself for refusing to treat him with proper respect. I was proud. This obstinate old fellow, who was really a very good sort, kind-hearted and hospitable, had had two wives, both dead. His first wife, who was of a humble family, left a daughter as unpretentious as herself. She was a young woman of four and twenty when I was there, and was living with her father and an aunt, her mother's sister. The aunt was simple and illiterate; the niece was simple but lively. I like to say nice things about people. I never knew a woman of more charming character than Agafya&#8212;fancy, her name was Agafya Ivanovna! And she wasn't bad-looking either, in the Russian style: tall, stout, with a full figure, and beautiful eyes, though a rather coarse face. She had not married, although she had had two suitors. She refused them, but was as cheerful as ever. I was intimate with her, not in &#8216;that' way, it was pure friendship. I have often been friendly with women quite innocently. I used to talk to her with shocking frankness, and she only laughed. Many women like such freedom, and she was a girl too, which made it very amusing. Another thing, one could never think of her as a young lady. She and her aunt lived in her father's house with a sort of voluntary humility, not putting themselves on an equality with other people. She was a general favorite, and of use to every one, for she was a clever dressmaker. She had a talent for it. She gave her services freely without asking for payment, but if anyone offered her payment, she didn't refuse. The colonel, of course, was a very different matter. He was one of the chief personages in the district. He kept open house, entertained the whole town, gave suppers and dances. At the time I arrived and joined the battalion, all the town was talking of the expected return of the colonel's second daughter, a great beauty, who had just left a fashionable school in the capital. This second daughter is Katerina Ivanovna, and she was the child of the second wife, who belonged to a distinguished general's family; although, as I learnt on good authority, she too brought the colonel no money. She had connections, and that was all. There may have been expectations, but they had come to nothing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yet, when the young lady came from boarding-school on a visit, the whole town revived. Our most distinguished ladies&#8212;two &#8216;Excellencies' and a colonel's wife&#8212;and all the rest following their lead, at once took her up and gave entertainments in her honor. She was the belle of the balls and picnics, and they got up &lt;i&gt;tableaux vivants&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb9&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;tableaux vivants &#8211; living pageants&#034; id=&#034;nh9&#034;&gt;9&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; in aid of distressed governesses. I took no notice, I went on as wildly as before, and one of my exploits at the time set all the town talking. I saw her eyes taking my measure one evening at the battery commander's, but I didn't go up to her, as though I disdained her acquaintance. I did go up and speak to her at an evening party not long after. She scarcely looked at me, and compressed her lips scornfully. &#8216;Wait a bit. I'll have my revenge,' thought I. I behaved like an awful fool on many occasions at that time, and I was conscious of it myself. What made it worse was that I felt that &#8216;Katenka' was not an innocent boarding-school miss, but a person of character, proud and really high-principled; above all, she had education and intellect, and I had neither. You think I meant to make her an offer? No, I simply wanted to revenge myself, because I was such a hero and she didn't seem to feel it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Meanwhile, I spent my time in drink and riot, till the lieutenant-colonel put me under arrest for three days. Just at that time father sent me six thousand roubles in return for my sending him a deed giving up all claims upon him&#8212;settling our accounts, so to speak, and saying that I wouldn't expect anything more. I didn't understand a word of it at the time. Until I came here, Alyosha, till the last few days, indeed, perhaps even now, I haven't been able to make head or tail of my money affairs with father. But never mind that, we'll talk of it later.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just as I received the money, I got a letter from a friend telling me something that interested me immensely. The authorities, I learnt, were dissatisfied with our lieutenant-colonel. He was suspected of irregularities; in fact, his enemies were preparing a surprise for him. And then the commander of the division arrived, and kicked up the devil of a shindy. Shortly afterwards he was ordered to retire. I won't tell you how it all happened. He had enemies certainly. Suddenly there was a marked coolness in the town towards him and all his family. His friends all turned their backs on him. Then I took my first step. I met Agafya Ivanovna, with whom I'd always kept up a friendship, and said, &#8216;Do you know there's a deficit of 4,500 roubles of government money in your father's accounts?'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;What do you mean? What makes you say so? The general was here not long ago, and everything was all right.'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;Then it was, but now it isn't.'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She was terribly scared.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;Don't frighten me!' she said. &#8216;Who told you so?'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;Don't be uneasy,' I said, &#8216;I won't tell any one. You know I'm as silent as the tomb. I only wanted, in view of &#8220;possibilities,&#8221; to add, that when they demand that 4,500 roubles from your father, and he can't produce it, he'll be tried, and made to serve as a common soldier in his old age, unless you like to send me your young lady secretly. I've just had money paid me. I'll give her four thousand, if you like, and keep the secret religiously.'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;Ah, you scoundrel!'&#8212;that's what she said. &#8216;You wicked scoundrel! How dare you!'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She went away furiously indignant, while I shouted after her once more that the secret should be kept sacred. Those two simple creatures, Agafya and her aunt, I may as well say at once, behaved like perfect angels all through this business. They genuinely adored their &#8216;Katya,' thought her far above them, and waited on her, hand and foot. But Agafya told her of our conversation. I found that out afterwards. She didn't keep it back, and of course that was all I wanted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Suddenly the new major arrived to take command of the battalion. The old lieutenant-colonel was taken ill at once, couldn't leave his room for two days, and didn't hand over the government money. Dr. Kravchenko declared that he really was ill. But I knew for a fact, and had known for a long time, that for the last four years the money had never been in his hands except when the Commander made his visits of inspection. He used to lend it to a trustworthy person, a merchant of our town called Trifonov, an old widower, with a big beard and gold-rimmed spectacles. He used to go to the fair, do a profitable business with the money, and return the whole sum to the colonel, bringing with it a present from the fair, as well as interest on the loan. But this time (I heard all about it quite by chance from Trifonov's son and heir, a driveling youth and one of the most vicious in the world)&#8212;this time, I say, Trifonov brought nothing back from the fair. The lieutenant-colonel flew to him. &#8216;I've never received any money from you, and couldn't possibly have received any.' That was all the answer he got. So now our lieutenant-colonel is confined to the house, with a towel round his head, while they're all three busy putting ice on it. All at once an orderly arrives on the scene with the book and the order to &#8216;hand over the battalion money immediately, within two hours.' He signed the book (I saw the signature in the book afterwards), stood up, saying he would put on his uniform, ran to his bedroom, loaded his double-barreled gun with a service bullet, took the boot off his right foot, fixed the gun against his chest, and began feeling for the trigger with his foot. But Agafya, remembering what I had told her, had her suspicions. She stole up and peeped into the room just in time. She rushed in, flung herself upon him from behind, threw her arms round him, and the gun went off, hit the ceiling, but hurt no one. The others ran in, took away the gun, and held him by the arms. I heard all about this afterwards. I was at home, it was getting dusk, and I was just preparing to go out. I had dressed, brushed my hair, scented my handkerchief, and taken up my cap, when suddenly the door opened, and facing me in the room stood Katerina Ivanovna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's strange how things happen sometimes. No one had seen her in the street, so that no one knew of it in the town. I lodged with two decrepit old ladies, who looked after me. They were most obliging old things, ready to do anything for me, and at my request were as silent afterwards as two cast-iron posts. Of course I grasped the position at once. She walked in and looked straight at me, her dark eyes determined, even defiant, but on her lips and round her mouth I saw uncertainty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;My sister told me,' she began, &#8216;that you would give me 4,500 roubles if I came to you for it&#8212;myself. I have come ... give me the money!'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She couldn't keep it up. She was breathless, frightened, her voice failed her, and the corners of her mouth and the lines round it quivered. Alyosha, are you listening, or are you asleep?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mitya, I know you will tell the whole truth,&#8221; said Alyosha in agitation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am telling it. If I tell the whole truth just as it happened I shan't spare myself. My first idea was a&#8212;Karamazov one. Once I was bitten by a centipede, brother, and laid up a fortnight with fever from it. Well, I felt a centipede biting at my heart then&#8212;a noxious insect, you understand? I looked her up and down. You've seen her? She's a beauty. But she was beautiful in another way then. At that moment she was beautiful because she was noble, and I was a scoundrel; she in all the grandeur of her generosity and sacrifice for her father, and I&#8212;a bug! And, scoundrel as I was, she was altogether at my mercy, body and soul. She was hemmed in. I tell you frankly, that thought, that venomous thought, so possessed my heart that it almost swooned with suspense. It seemed as if there could be no resisting it; as though I should act like a bug, like a venomous spider, without a spark of pity. I could scarcely breathe. Understand, I should have gone next day to ask for her hand, so that it might end honorably, so to speak, and that nobody would or could know. For though I'm a man of base desires, I'm honest. And at that very second some voice seemed to whisper in my ear, &#8216;But when you come to-morrow to make your proposal, that girl won't even see you; she'll order her coachman to kick you out of the yard. &#8220;Publish it through all the town,&#8221; she would say, &#8220;I'm not afraid of you.&#8221; ' I looked at the young lady, my voice had not deceived me. That is how it would be, not a doubt of it. I could see from her face now that I should be turned out of the house. My spite was roused. I longed to play her the nastiest swinish cad's trick: to look at her with a sneer, and on the spot where she stood before me to stun her with a tone of voice that only a shopman could use.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;Four thousand! What do you mean? I was joking. You've been counting your chickens too easily, madam. Two hundred, if you like, with all my heart. But four thousand is not a sum to throw away on such frivolity. You've put yourself out to no purpose.'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should have lost the game, of course. She'd have run away. But it would have been an infernal revenge. It would have been worth it all. I'd have howled with regret all the rest of my life, only to have played that trick. Would you believe it, it has never happened to me with any other woman, not one, to look at her at such a moment with hatred. But, on my oath, I looked at her for three seconds, or five perhaps, with fearful hatred&#8212;that hate which is only a hair's-breadth from love, from the maddest love!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I went to the window, put my forehead against the frozen pane, and I remember the ice burnt my forehead like fire. I did not keep her long, don't be afraid. I turned round, went up to the table, opened the drawer and took out a banknote for five thousand roubles (it was lying in a French dictionary). Then I showed it her in silence, folded it, handed it to her, opened the door into the passage, and, stepping back, made her a deep bow, a most respectful, a most impressive bow, believe me! She shuddered all over, gazed at me for a second, turned horribly pale&#8212;white as a sheet, in fact&#8212;and all at once, not impetuously but softly, gently, bowed down to my feet&#8212;not a boarding-school curtsey, but a Russian bow, with her forehead to the floor. She jumped up and ran away. I was wearing my sword. I drew it and nearly stabbed myself with it on the spot; why, I don't know. It would have been frightfully stupid, of course. I suppose it was from delight. Can you understand that one might kill oneself from delight? But I didn't stab myself. I only kissed my sword and put it back in the scabbard&#8212;which there was no need to have told you, by the way. And I fancy that in telling you about my inner conflict I have laid it on rather thick to glorify myself. But let it pass, and to hell with all who pry into the human heart! Well, so much for that &#8216;adventure' with Katerina Ivanovna. So now Ivan knows of it, and you&#8212;no one else.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dmitri got up, took a step or two in his excitement, pulled out his handkerchief and mopped his forehead, then sat down again, not in the same place as before, but on the opposite side, so that Alyosha had to turn quite round to face him.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V. THE CONFESSION OF A PASSIONATE HEART&#8212;&#8220;HEELS UP&#8221;&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Now,&#8221; said Alyosha, &#8220;I understand the first half.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You understand the first half. That half is a drama, and it was played out there. The second half is a tragedy, and it is being acted here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I understand nothing of that second half so far,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I? Do you suppose I understand it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stop, Dmitri. There's one important question. Tell me, you were betrothed, you are betrothed still?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We weren't betrothed at once, not for three months after that adventure. The next day I told myself that the incident was closed, concluded, that there would be no sequel. It seemed to me caddish to make her an offer. On her side she gave no sign of life for the six weeks that she remained in the town; except, indeed, for one action. The day after her visit the maid-servant slipped round with an envelope addressed to me. I tore it open: it contained the change out of the banknote. Only four thousand five hundred roubles was needed, but there was a discount of about two hundred on changing it. She only sent me about two hundred and sixty. I don't remember exactly, but not a note, not a word of explanation. I searched the packet for a pencil mark&#8212;n-nothing! Well, I spent the rest of the money on such an orgy that the new major was obliged to reprimand me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, the lieutenant-colonel produced the battalion money, to the astonishment of every one, for nobody believed that he had the money untouched. He'd no sooner paid it than he fell ill, took to his bed, and, three weeks later, softening of the brain set in, and he died five days afterwards. He was buried with military honors, for he had not had time to receive his discharge. Ten days after his funeral, Katerina Ivanovna, with her aunt and sister, went to Moscow. And, behold, on the very day they went away (I hadn't seen them, didn't see them off or take leave) I received a tiny note, a sheet of thin blue paper, and on it only one line in pencil: &#8216;I will write to you. Wait. K.' And that was all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll explain the rest now, in two words. In Moscow their fortunes changed with the swiftness of lightning and the unexpectedness of an Arabian fairy-tale. That general's widow, their nearest relation, suddenly lost the two nieces who were her heiresses and next-of-kin&#8212;both died in the same week of small-pox. The old lady, prostrated with grief, welcomed Katya as a daughter, as her one hope, clutched at her, altered her will in Katya's favor. But that concerned the future. Meanwhile she gave her, for present use, eighty thousand roubles, as a marriage portion, to do what she liked with. She was an hysterical woman. I saw something of her in Moscow, later.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, suddenly I received by post four thousand five hundred roubles. I was speechless with surprise, as you may suppose. Three days later came the promised letter. I have it with me now. You must read it. She offers to be my wife, offers herself to me. &#8216;I love you madly,' she says, &#8216;even if you don't love me, never mind. Be my husband. Don't be afraid. I won't hamper you in any way. I will be your chattel. I will be the carpet under your feet. I want to love you for ever. I want to save you from yourself.' Alyosha, I am not worthy to repeat those lines in my vulgar words and in my vulgar tone, my everlastingly vulgar tone, that I can never cure myself of. That letter stabs me even now. Do you think I don't mind&#8212;that I don't mind still? I wrote her an answer at once, as it was impossible for me to go to Moscow. I wrote to her with tears. One thing I shall be ashamed of for ever. I referred to her being rich and having a dowry while I was only a stuck-up beggar! I mentioned money! I ought to have borne it in silence, but it slipped from my pen. Then I wrote at once to Ivan, and told him all I could about it in a letter of six pages, and sent him to her. Why do you look like that? Why are you staring at me? Yes, Ivan fell in love with her; he's in love with her still. I know that. I did a stupid thing, in the world's opinion; but perhaps that one stupid thing may be the saving of us all now. Oo! Don't you see what a lot she thinks of Ivan, how she respects him? When she compares us, do you suppose she can love a man like me, especially after all that has happened here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I am convinced that she does love a man like you, and not a man like him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She loves her own &lt;i&gt;virtue&lt;/i&gt;, not me.&#8221; The words broke involuntarily, and almost malignantly, from Dmitri. He laughed, but a minute later his eyes gleamed, he flushed crimson and struck the table violently with his fist.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I swear, Alyosha,&#8221; he cried, with intense and genuine anger at himself; &#8220;you may not believe me, but as God is holy, and as Christ is God, I swear that though I smiled at her lofty sentiments just now, I know that I am a million times baser in soul than she, and that these lofty sentiments of hers are as sincere as a heavenly angel's. That's the tragedy of it&#8212;that I know that for certain. What if anyone does show off a bit? Don't I do it myself? And yet I'm sincere, I'm sincere. As for Ivan, I can understand how he must be cursing nature now&#8212;with his intellect, too! To see the preference given&#8212;to whom, to what? To a monster who, though he is betrothed and all eyes are fixed on him, can't restrain his debaucheries&#8212;and before the very eyes of his betrothed! And a man like me is preferred, while he is rejected. And why? Because a girl wants to sacrifice her life and destiny out of gratitude. It's ridiculous! I've never said a word of this to Ivan, and Ivan of course has never dropped a hint of the sort to me. But destiny will be accomplished, and the best man will hold his ground while the undeserving one will vanish into his back-alley for ever&#8212;his filthy back-alley, his beloved back-alley, where he is at home and where he will sink in filth and stench at his own free will and with enjoyment. I've been talking foolishly. I've no words left. I use them at random, but it will be as I have said. I shall drown in the back-alley, and she will marry Ivan.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stop, Dmitri,&#8221; Alyosha interrupted again with great anxiety. &#8220;There's one thing you haven't made clear yet: you are still betrothed all the same, aren't you? How can you break off the engagement if she, your betrothed, doesn't want to?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, formally and solemnly betrothed. It was all done on my arrival in Moscow, with great ceremony, with ikons, all in fine style. The general's wife blessed us, and&#8212;would you believe it?&#8212;congratulated Katya. &#8216;You've made a good choice,' she said, &#8216;I see right through him.' And&#8212;would you believe it?&#8212;she didn't like Ivan, and hardly greeted him. I had a lot of talk with Katya in Moscow. I told her about myself&#8212;sincerely, honorably. She listened to everything.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;There was sweet confusion,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There were tender words.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Though there were proud words, too. She wrung out of me a mighty promise to reform. I gave my promise, and here&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, I called to you and brought you out here to-day, this very day&#8212;remember it&#8212;to send you&#8212;this very day again&#8212;to Katerina Ivanovna, and&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To tell her that I shall never come to see her again. Say, &#8216;He sends you his compliments.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But is that possible?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's just the reason I'm sending you, in my place, because it's impossible. And, how could I tell her myself?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And where are you going?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To the back-alley.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To Grushenka, then!&#8221; Alyosha exclaimed mournfully, clasping his hands. &#8220;Can Rakitin really have told the truth? I thought that you had just visited her, and that was all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Can a betrothed man pay such visits? Is such a thing possible and with such a betrothed, and before the eyes of all the world? Confound it, I have some honor! As soon as I began visiting Grushenka, I ceased to be betrothed, and to be an honest man. I understand that. Why do you look at me? You see, I went in the first place to beat her. I had heard, and I know for a fact now, that that captain, father's agent, had given Grushenka an I.O.U. of mine for her to sue me for payment, so as to put an end to me. They wanted to scare me. I went to beat her. I had had a glimpse of her before. She doesn't strike one at first sight. I knew about her old merchant, who's lying ill now, paralyzed; but he's leaving her a decent little sum. I knew, too, that she was fond of money, that she hoarded it, and lent it at a wicked rate of interest, that she's a merciless cheat and swindler. I went to beat her, and I stayed. The storm broke&#8212;it struck me down like the plague. I'm plague-stricken still, and I know that everything is over, that there will never be anything more for me. The cycle of the ages is accomplished. That's my position. And though I'm a beggar, as fate would have it, I had three thousand just then in my pocket. I drove with Grushenka to Mokroe, a place twenty-five versts from here. I got gypsies there and champagne and made all the peasants there drunk on it, and all the women and girls. I sent the thousands flying. In three days' time I was stripped bare, but a hero. Do you suppose the hero had gained his end? Not a sign of it from her. I tell you that rogue, Grushenka, has a supple curve all over her body. You can see it in her little foot, even in her little toe. I saw it, and kissed it, but that was all, I swear! &#8216;I'll marry you if you like,' she said, &#8216;you're a beggar, you know. Say that you won't beat me, and will let me do anything I choose, and perhaps I will marry you.' She laughed, and she's laughing still!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dmitri leapt up with a sort of fury. He seemed all at once as though he were drunk. His eyes became suddenly bloodshot.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And do you really mean to marry her?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At once, if she will. And if she won't, I shall stay all the same. I'll be the porter at her gate. Alyosha!&#8221; he cried. He stopped short before him, and taking him by the shoulders began shaking him violently. &#8220;Do you know, you innocent boy, that this is all delirium, senseless delirium, for there's a tragedy here. Let me tell you, Alexey, that I may be a low man, with low and degraded passions, but a thief and a pickpocket Dmitri Karamazov never can be. Well, then; let me tell you that I am a thief and a pickpocket. That very morning, just before I went to beat Grushenka, Katerina Ivanovna sent for me, and in strict secrecy (why I don't know, I suppose she had some reason) asked me to go to the chief town of the province and to post three thousand roubles to Agafya Ivanovna in Moscow, so that nothing should be known of it in the town here. So I had that three thousand roubles in my pocket when I went to see Grushenka, and it was that money we spent at Mokroe. Afterwards I pretended I had been to the town, but did not show her the post office receipt. I said I had sent the money and would bring the receipt, and so far I haven't brought it. I've forgotten it. Now what do you think you're going to her to-day to say? &#8216;He sends his compliments,' and she'll ask you, &#8216;What about the money?' You might still have said to her, &#8216;He's a degraded sensualist, and a low creature, with uncontrolled passions. He didn't send your money then, but wasted it, because, like a low brute, he couldn't control himself.' But still you might have added, &#8216;He isn't a thief though. Here is your three thousand; he sends it back. Send it yourself to Agafya Ivanovna. But he told me to say &#8220;he sends his compliments.&#8221; ' But, as it is, she will ask, &#8216;But where is the money?' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mitya, you are unhappy, yes! But not as unhappy as you think. Don't worry yourself to death with despair.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What, do you suppose I'd shoot myself because I can't get three thousand to pay back? That's just it. I shan't shoot myself. I haven't the strength now. Afterwards, perhaps. But now I'm going to Grushenka. I don't care what happens.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll be her husband if she deigns to have me, and when lovers come, I'll go into the next room. I'll clean her friends' goloshes, blow up their samovar, run their errands.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Katerina Ivanovna will understand it all,&#8221; Alyosha said solemnly. &#8220;She'll understand how great this trouble is and will forgive. She has a lofty mind, and no one could be more unhappy than you. She'll see that for herself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She won't forgive everything,&#8221; said Dmitri, with a grin. &#8220;There's something in it, brother, that no woman could forgive. Do you know what would be the best thing to do?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pay back the three thousand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where can we get it from? I say, I have two thousand. Ivan will give you another thousand&#8212;that makes three. Take it and pay it back.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And when would you get it, your three thousand? You're not of age, besides, and you must&#8212;you absolutely must&#8212;take my farewell to her to-day, with the money or without it, for I can't drag on any longer, things have come to such a pass. To-morrow is too late. I shall send you to father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To father?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, to father first. Ask him for three thousand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, Mitya, he won't give it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As though he would! I know he won't. Do you know the meaning of despair, Alexey?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen. Legally he owes me nothing. I've had it all from him, I know that. But morally he owes me something, doesn't he? You know he started with twenty-eight thousand of my mother's money and made a hundred thousand with it. Let him give me back only three out of the twenty-eight thousand, and he'll draw my soul out of hell, and it will atone for many of his sins. For that three thousand&#8212;I give you my solemn word&#8212;I'll make an end of everything, and he shall hear nothing more of me. For the last time I give him the chance to be a father. Tell him God Himself sends him this chance.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mitya, he won't give it for anything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know he won't. I know it perfectly well. Now, especially. That's not all. I know something more. Now, only a few days ago, perhaps only yesterday he found out for the first time &lt;i&gt;in earnest&lt;/i&gt; (underline &lt;i&gt;in earnest&lt;/i&gt;) that Grushenka is really perhaps not joking, and really means to marry me. He knows her nature; he knows the cat. And do you suppose he's going to give me money to help to bring that about when he's crazy about her himself? And that's not all, either. I can tell you more than that. I know that for the last five days he has had three thousand drawn out of the bank, changed into notes of a hundred roubles, packed into a large envelope, sealed with five seals, and tied across with red tape. You see how well I know all about it! On the envelope is written: &#8216;To my angel, Grushenka, when she will come to me.' He scrawled it himself in silence and in secret, and no one knows that the money's there except the valet, Smerdyakov, whom he trusts like himself. So now he has been expecting Grushenka for the last three or four days; he hopes she'll come for the money. He has sent her word of it, and she has sent him word that perhaps she'll come. And if she does go to the old man, can I marry her after that? You understand now why I'm here in secret and what I'm on the watch for.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For her?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, for her. Foma has a room in the house of these sluts here. Foma comes from our parts; he was a soldier in our regiment. He does jobs for them. He's watchman at night and goes grouse-shooting in the day-time; and that's how he lives. I've established myself in his room. Neither he nor the women of the house know the secret&#8212;that is, that I am on the watch here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No one but Smerdyakov knows, then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No one else. He will let me know if she goes to the old man.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was he told you about the money, then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. It's a dead secret. Even Ivan doesn't know about the money, or anything. The old man is sending Ivan to Tchermashnya on a two or three days' journey. A purchaser has turned up for the copse: he'll give eight thousand for the timber. So the old man keeps asking Ivan to help him by going to arrange it. It will take him two or three days. That's what the old man wants, so that Grushenka can come while he's away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then he's expecting Grushenka to-day?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, she won't come to-day; there are signs. She's certain not to come,&#8221; cried Mitya suddenly. &#8220;Smerdyakov thinks so, too. Father's drinking now. He's sitting at table with Ivan. Go to him, Alyosha, and ask for the three thousand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mitya, dear, what's the matter with you?&#8221; cried Alyosha, jumping up from his place, and looking keenly at his brother's frenzied face. For one moment the thought struck him that Dmitri was mad.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it? I'm not insane,&#8221; said Dmitri, looking intently and earnestly at him. &#8220;No fear. I am sending you to father, and I know what I'm saying. I believe in miracles.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In miracles?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In a miracle of Divine Providence. God knows my heart. He sees my despair. He sees the whole picture. Surely He won't let something awful happen. Alyosha, I believe in miracles. Go!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am going. Tell me, will you wait for me here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. I know it will take some time. You can't go at him point blank. He's drunk now. I'll wait three hours&#8212;four, five, six, seven. Only remember you must go to Katerina Ivanovna to-day, if it has to be at midnight, &lt;i&gt;with the money or without the money&lt;/i&gt;, and say, &#8216;He sends his compliments to you.' I want you to say that verse to her: &#8216;He sends his compliments to you.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mitya! And what if Grushenka comes to-day&#8212;if not to-day, to-morrow, or the next day?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Grushenka? I shall see her. I shall rush out and prevent it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And if&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If there's an if, it will be murder. I couldn't endure it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who will be murdered?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The old man. I shan't kill her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother, what are you saying?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I don't know.... I don't know. Perhaps I shan't kill, and perhaps I shall. I'm afraid that he will suddenly become so loathsome to me with his face at that moment. I hate his ugly throat, his nose, his eyes, his shameless snigger. I feel a physical repulsion. That's what I'm afraid of. That's what may be too much for me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll go, Mitya. I believe that God will order things for the best, that nothing awful may happen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I will sit and wait for the miracle. And if it doesn't come to pass&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha went thoughtfully towards his father's house.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI. SMERDYAKOV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;He did in fact find his father still at table. Though there was a dining-room in the house, the table was laid as usual in the drawing-room, which was the largest room, and furnished with old-fashioned ostentation. The furniture was white and very old, upholstered in old, red, silky material. In the spaces between the windows there were mirrors in elaborate white and gilt frames, of old-fashioned carving. On the walls, covered with white paper, which was torn in many places, there hung two large portraits&#8212;one of some prince who had been governor of the district thirty years before, and the other of some bishop, also long since dead. In the corner opposite the door there were several ikons, before which a lamp was lighted at nightfall ... not so much for devotional purposes as to light the room. Fyodor Pavlovitch used to go to bed very late, at three or four o'clock in the morning, and would wander about the room at night or sit in an arm-chair, thinking. This had become a habit with him. He often slept quite alone in the house, sending his servants to the lodge; but usually Smerdyakov remained, sleeping on a bench in the hall.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Alyosha came in, dinner was over, but coffee and preserves had been served. Fyodor Pavlovitch liked sweet things with brandy after dinner. Ivan was also at table, sipping coffee. The servants, Grigory and Smerdyakov, were standing by. Both the gentlemen and the servants seemed in singularly good spirits. Fyodor Pavlovitch was roaring with laughter. Before he entered the room, Alyosha heard the shrill laugh he knew so well, and could tell from the sound of it that his father had only reached the good-humored stage, and was far from being completely drunk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here he is! Here he is!&#8221; yelled Fyodor Pavlovitch, highly delighted at seeing Alyosha. &#8220;Join us. Sit down. Coffee is a lenten dish, but it's hot and good. I don't offer you brandy, you're keeping the fast. But would you like some? No; I'd better give you some of our famous liqueur. Smerdyakov, go to the cupboard, the second shelf on the right. Here are the keys. Look sharp!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha began refusing the liqueur.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never mind. If you won't have it, we will,&#8221; said Fyodor Pavlovitch, beaming. &#8220;But stay&#8212;have you dined?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; answered Alyosha, who had in truth only eaten a piece of bread and drunk a glass of kvas in the Father Superior's kitchen. &#8220;Though I should be pleased to have some hot coffee.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bravo, my darling! He'll have some coffee. Does it want warming? No, it's boiling. It's capital coffee: Smerdyakov's making. My Smerdyakov's an artist at coffee and at fish patties, and at fish soup, too. You must come one day and have some fish soup. Let me know beforehand.... But, stay; didn't I tell you this morning to come home with your mattress and pillow and all? Have you brought your mattress? He he he!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I haven't,&#8221; said Alyosha, smiling, too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, but you were frightened, you were frightened this morning, weren't you? There, my darling, I couldn't do anything to vex you. Do you know, Ivan, I can't resist the way he looks one straight in the face and laughs? It makes me laugh all over. I'm so fond of him. Alyosha, let me give you my blessing&#8212;a father's blessing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha rose, but Fyodor Pavlovitch had already changed his mind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I'll just make the sign of the cross over you, for now. Sit still. Now we've a treat for you, in your own line, too. It'll make you laugh. Balaam's ass has begun talking to us here&#8212;and how he talks! How he talks!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Balaam's ass, it appeared, was the valet, Smerdyakov. He was a young man of about four and twenty, remarkably unsociable and taciturn. Not that he was shy or bashful. On the contrary, he was conceited and seemed to despise everybody.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But we must pause to say a few words about him now. He was brought up by Grigory and Marfa, but the boy grew up &#8220;with no sense of gratitude,&#8221; as Grigory expressed it; he was an unfriendly boy, and seemed to look at the world mistrustfully. In his childhood he was very fond of hanging cats, and burying them with great ceremony. He used to dress up in a sheet as though it were a surplice, and sang, and waved some object over the dead cat as though it were a censer. All this he did on the sly, with the greatest secrecy. Grigory caught him once at this diversion and gave him a sound beating. He shrank into a corner and sulked there for a week. &#8220;He doesn't care for you or me, the monster,&#8221; Grigory used to say to Marfa, &#8220;and he doesn't care for any one. Are you a human being?&#8221; he said, addressing the boy directly. &#8220;You're not a human being. You grew from the mildew in the bath-house&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb10&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;You grew from the mildew in the bath-house &#8211; a proverbial expression in (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh10&#034;&gt;10&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. That's what you are.&#8221; Smerdyakov, it appeared afterwards, could never forgive him those words. Grigory taught him to read and write, and when he was twelve years old, began teaching him the Scriptures. But this teaching came to nothing. At the second or third lesson the boy suddenly grinned.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's that for?&#8221; asked Grigory, looking at him threateningly from under his spectacles.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, nothing. God created light on the first day, and the sun, moon, and stars on the fourth day. Where did the light come from on the first day?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grigory was thunderstruck. The boy looked sarcastically at his teacher. There was something positively condescending in his expression. Grigory could not restrain himself. &#8220;I'll show you where!&#8221; he cried, and gave the boy a violent slap on the cheek. The boy took the slap without a word, but withdrew into his corner again for some days. A week later he had his first attack of the disease to which he was subject all the rest of his life&#8212;epilepsy. When Fyodor Pavlovitch heard of it, his attitude to the boy seemed changed at once. Till then he had taken no notice of him, though he never scolded him, and always gave him a copeck when he met him. Sometimes, when he was in good humor, he would send the boy something sweet from his table. But as soon as he heard of his illness, he showed an active interest in him, sent for a doctor, and tried remedies, but the disease turned out to be incurable. The fits occurred, on an average, once a month, but at various intervals. The fits varied too, in violence: some were light and some were very severe. Fyodor Pavlovitch strictly forbade Grigory to use corporal punishment to the boy, and began allowing him to come upstairs to him. He forbade him to be taught anything whatever for a time, too. One day when the boy was about fifteen, Fyodor Pavlovitch noticed him lingering by the bookcase, and reading the titles through the glass. Fyodor Pavlovitch had a fair number of books&#8212;over a hundred&#8212;but no one ever saw him reading. He at once gave Smerdyakov the key of the bookcase. &#8220;Come, read. You shall be my librarian. You'll be better sitting reading than hanging about the courtyard. Come, read this,&#8221; and Fyodor Pavlovitch gave him &lt;i&gt;Evenings in a Cottage near Dikanka&lt;/i&gt;.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He read a little but didn't like it. He did not once smile, and ended by frowning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why? Isn't it funny?&#8221; asked Fyodor Pavlovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov did not speak.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Answer, stupid!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's all untrue,&#8221; mumbled the boy, with a grin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then go to the devil! You have the soul of a lackey. Stay, here's Smaragdov's &lt;i&gt;Universal History.&lt;/i&gt; That's all true. Read that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Smerdyakov did not get through ten pages of Smaragdov. He thought it dull. So the bookcase was closed again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Shortly afterwards Marfa and Grigory reported to Fyodor Pavlovitch that Smerdyakov was gradually beginning to show an extraordinary fastidiousness. He would sit before his soup, take up his spoon and look into the soup, bend over it, examine it, take a spoonful and hold it to the light.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it? A beetle?&#8221; Grigory would ask.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A fly, perhaps,&#8221; observed Marfa.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The squeamish youth never answered, but he did the same with his bread, his meat, and everything he ate. He would hold a piece on his fork to the light, scrutinize it microscopically, and only after long deliberation decide to put it in his mouth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ach! What fine gentlemen's airs!&#8221; Grigory muttered, looking at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Fyodor Pavlovitch heard of this development in Smerdyakov he determined to make him his cook, and sent him to Moscow to be trained. He spent some years there and came back remarkably changed in appearance. He looked extraordinarily old for his age. His face had grown wrinkled, yellow, and strangely emasculate. In character he seemed almost exactly the same as before he went away. He was just as unsociable, and showed not the slightest inclination for any companionship. In Moscow, too, as we heard afterwards, he had always been silent. Moscow itself had little interest for him; he saw very little there, and took scarcely any notice of anything. He went once to the theater, but returned silent and displeased with it. On the other hand, he came back to us from Moscow well dressed, in a clean coat and clean linen. He brushed his clothes most scrupulously twice a day invariably, and was very fond of cleaning his smart calf boots with a special English polish, so that they shone like mirrors. He turned out a first-rate cook. Fyodor Pavlovitch paid him a salary, almost the whole of which Smerdyakov spent on clothes, pomade, perfumes, and such things. But he seemed to have as much contempt for the female sex as for men; he was discreet, almost unapproachable, with them. Fyodor Pavlovitch began to regard him rather differently. His fits were becoming more frequent, and on the days he was ill Marfa cooked, which did not suit Fyodor Pavlovitch at all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are your fits getting worse?&#8221; asked Fyodor Pavlovitch, looking askance at his new cook. &#8220;Would you like to get married? Shall I find you a wife?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Smerdyakov turned pale with anger, and made no reply. Fyodor Pavlovitch left him with an impatient gesture. The great thing was that he had absolute confidence in his honesty. It happened once, when Fyodor Pavlovitch was drunk, that he dropped in the muddy courtyard three hundred-rouble notes which he had only just received. He only missed them next day, and was just hastening to search his pockets when he saw the notes lying on the table. Where had they come from? Smerdyakov had picked them up and brought them in the day before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, my lad, I've never met anyone like you,&#8221; Fyodor Pavlovitch said shortly, and gave him ten roubles. We may add that he not only believed in his honesty, but had, for some reason, a liking for him, although the young man looked as morosely at him as at every one and was always silent. He rarely spoke. If it had occurred to anyone to wonder at the time what the young man was interested in, and what was in his mind, it would have been impossible to tell by looking at him. Yet he used sometimes to stop suddenly in the house, or even in the yard or street, and would stand still for ten minutes, lost in thought. A physiognomist studying his face would have said that there was no thought in it, no reflection, but only a sort of contemplation. There is a remarkable picture by the painter Kramskoy, called &#8220;Contemplation.&#8221; There is a forest in winter, and on a roadway through the forest, in absolute solitude, stands a peasant in a torn kaftan and bark shoes. He stands, as it were, lost in thought. Yet he is not thinking; he is &#8220;contemplating.&#8221; If anyone touched him he would start and look at one as though awakening and bewildered. It's true he would come to himself immediately; but if he were asked what he had been thinking about, he would remember nothing. Yet probably he has, hidden within himself, the impression which had dominated him during the period of contemplation. Those impressions are dear to him and no doubt he hoards them imperceptibly, and even unconsciously. How and why, of course, he does not know either. He may suddenly, after hoarding impressions for many years, abandon everything and go off to Jerusalem on a pilgrimage for his soul's salvation, or perhaps he will suddenly set fire to his native village, and perhaps do both. There are a good many &#8220;contemplatives&#8221; among the peasantry. Well, Smerdyakov was probably one of them, and he probably was greedily hoarding up his impressions, hardly knowing why.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII. THE CONTROVERSY&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But Balaam's ass had suddenly spoken. The subject was a strange one. Grigory had gone in the morning to make purchases, and had heard from the shopkeeper Lukyanov the story of a Russian soldier which had appeared in the newspaper of that day. This soldier had been taken prisoner in some remote part of Asia, and was threatened with an immediate agonizing death if he did not renounce Christianity and follow Islam. He refused to deny his faith, and was tortured, flayed alive, and died, praising and glorifying Christ. Grigory had related the story at table. Fyodor Pavlovitch always liked, over the dessert after dinner, to laugh and talk, if only with Grigory. This afternoon he was in a particularly good-humored and expansive mood. Sipping his brandy and listening to the story, he observed that they ought to make a saint of a soldier like that, and to take his skin to some monastery. &#8220;That would make the people flock, and bring the money in.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grigory frowned, seeing that Fyodor Pavlovitch was by no means touched, but, as usual, was beginning to scoff. At that moment Smerdyakov, who was standing by the door, smiled. Smerdyakov often waited at table towards the end of dinner, and since Ivan's arrival in our town he had done so every day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you grinning at?&#8221; asked Fyodor Pavlovitch, catching the smile instantly, and knowing that it referred to Grigory.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, my opinion is,&#8221; Smerdyakov began suddenly and unexpectedly in a loud voice, &#8220;that if that laudable soldier's exploit was so very great there would have been, to my thinking, no sin in it if he had on such an emergency renounced, so to speak, the name of Christ and his own christening, to save by that same his life, for good deeds, by which, in the course of years to expiate his cowardice.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How could it not be a sin? You're talking nonsense. For that you'll go straight to hell and be roasted there like mutton,&#8221; put in Fyodor Pavlovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was at this point that Alyosha came in, and Fyodor Pavlovitch, as we have seen, was highly delighted at his appearance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We're on your subject, your subject,&#8221; he chuckled gleefully, making Alyosha sit down to listen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As for mutton, that's not so, and there'll be nothing there for this, and there shouldn't be either, if it's according to justice,&#8221; Smerdyakov maintained stoutly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you mean &#8216;according to justice'?&#8221; Fyodor Pavlovitch cried still more gayly, nudging Alyosha with his knee.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's a rascal, that's what he is!&#8221; burst from Grigory. He looked Smerdyakov wrathfully in the face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As for being a rascal, wait a little, Grigory Vassilyevitch,&#8221; answered Smerdyakov with perfect composure. &#8220;You'd better consider yourself that, once I am taken prisoner by the enemies of the Christian race, and they demand from me to curse the name of God and to renounce my holy christening, I am fully entitled to act by my own reason, since there would be no sin in it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you've said that before. Don't waste words. Prove it,&#8221; cried Fyodor Pavlovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Soup-maker!&#8221; muttered Grigory contemptuously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As for being a soup-maker, wait a bit, too, and consider for yourself, Grigory Vassilyevitch, without abusing me. For as soon as I say to those enemies, &#8216;No, I'm not a Christian, and I curse my true God,' then at once, by God's high judgment, I become immediately and specially anathema accursed, and am cut off from the Holy Church, exactly as though I were a heathen, so that at that very instant, not only when I say it aloud, but when I think of saying it, before a quarter of a second has passed, I am cut off. Is that so or not, Grigory Vassilyevitch?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He addressed Grigory with obvious satisfaction, though he was really answering Fyodor Pavlovitch's questions, and was well aware of it, and intentionally pretending that Grigory had asked the questions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan,&#8221; cried Fyodor Pavlovitch suddenly, &#8220;stoop down for me to whisper. He's got this all up for your benefit. He wants you to praise him. Praise him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan listened with perfect seriousness to his father's excited whisper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay, Smerdyakov, be quiet a minute,&#8221; cried Fyodor Pavlovitch once more. &#8220;Ivan, your ear again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan bent down again with a perfectly grave face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I love you as I do Alyosha. Don't think I don't love you. Some brandy?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8212;But you're rather drunk yourself,&#8221; thought Ivan, looking steadily at his father.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was watching Smerdyakov with great curiosity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're anathema accursed, as it is,&#8221; Grigory suddenly burst out, &#8220;and how dare you argue, you rascal, after that, if&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't scold him, Grigory, don't scold him,&#8221; Fyodor Pavlovitch cut him short.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You should wait, Grigory Vassilyevitch, if only a short time, and listen, for I haven't finished all I had to say. For at the very moment I become accursed, at that same highest moment, I become exactly like a heathen, and my christening is taken off me and becomes of no avail. Isn't that so?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Make haste and finish, my boy,&#8221; Fyodor Pavlovitch urged him, sipping from his wine-glass with relish.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And if I've ceased to be a Christian, then I told no lie to the enemy when they asked whether I was a Christian or not a Christian, seeing I had already been relieved by God Himself of my Christianity by reason of the thought alone, before I had time to utter a word to the enemy. And if I have already been discharged, in what manner and with what sort of justice can I be held responsible as a Christian in the other world for having denied Christ, when, through the very thought alone, before denying Him I had been relieved from my christening? If I'm no longer a Christian, then I can't renounce Christ, for I've nothing then to renounce. Who will hold an unclean Tatar responsible, Grigory Vassilyevitch, even in heaven, for not having been born a Christian? And who would punish him for that, considering that you can't take two skins off one ox? For God Almighty Himself, even if He did make the Tatar responsible, when he dies would give him the smallest possible punishment, I imagine (since he must be punished), judging that he is not to blame if he has come into the world an unclean heathen, from heathen parents. The Lord God can't surely take a Tatar and say he was a Christian? That would mean that the Almighty would tell a real untruth. And can the Lord of Heaven and earth tell a lie, even in one word?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grigory was thunderstruck and looked at the orator, his eyes nearly starting out of his head. Though he did not clearly understand what was said, he had caught something in this rigmarole, and stood, looking like a man who has just hit his head against a wall. Fyodor Pavlovitch emptied his glass and went off into his shrill laugh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha! Alyosha! What do you say to that! Ah, you casuist! He must have been with the Jesuits, somewhere, Ivan. Oh, you stinking Jesuit, who taught you? But you're talking nonsense, you casuist, nonsense, nonsense, nonsense. Don't cry, Grigory, we'll reduce him to smoke and ashes in a moment. Tell me this, O ass; you may be right before your enemies, but you have renounced your faith all the same in your own heart, and you say yourself that in that very hour you became anathema accursed. And if once you're anathema they won't pat you on the head for it in hell. What do you say to that, my fine Jesuit?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is no doubt that I have renounced it in my own heart, but there was no special sin in that. Or if there was sin, it was the most ordinary.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How's that the most ordinary?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You lie, accursed one!&#8221; hissed Grigory.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Consider yourself, Grigory Vassilyevitch,&#8221; Smerdyakov went on, staid and unruffled, conscious of his triumph, but, as it were, generous to the vanquished foe. &#8220;Consider yourself, Grigory Vassilyevitch; it is said in the Scripture that if you have faith, even as a mustard seed, and bid a mountain move into the sea, it will move without the least delay at your bidding. Well, Grigory Vassilyevitch, if I'm without faith and you have so great a faith that you are continually swearing at me, you try yourself telling this mountain, not to move into the sea for that's a long way off, but even to our stinking little river which runs at the bottom of the garden. You'll see for yourself that it won't budge, but will remain just where it is however much you shout at it, and that shows, Grigory Vassilyevitch, that you haven't faith in the proper manner, and only abuse others about it. Again, taking into consideration that no one in our day, not only you, but actually no one, from the highest person to the lowest peasant, can shove mountains into the sea&#8212;except perhaps some one man in the world, or, at most, two, and they most likely are saving their souls in secret somewhere in the Egyptian desert, so you wouldn't find them&#8212;if so it be, if all the rest have no faith, will God curse all the rest? that is, the population of the whole earth, except about two hermits in the desert, and in His well-known mercy will He not forgive one of them? And so I'm persuaded that though I may once have doubted I shall be forgiven if I shed tears of repentance.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay!&#8221; cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, in a transport of delight. &#8220;So you do suppose there are two who can move mountains? Ivan, make a note of it, write it down. There you have the Russian all over!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're quite right in saying it's characteristic of the people's faith,&#8221; Ivan assented, with an approving smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You agree. Then it must be so, if you agree. It's true, isn't it, Alyosha? That's the Russian faith all over, isn't it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Smerdyakov has not the Russian faith at all,&#8221; said Alyosha firmly and gravely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm not talking about his faith. I mean those two in the desert, only that idea. Surely that's Russian, isn't it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that's purely Russian,&#8221; said Alyosha smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your words are worth a gold piece, O ass, and I'll give it to you to-day. But as to the rest you talk nonsense, nonsense, nonsense. Let me tell you, stupid, that we here are all of little faith, only from carelessness, because we haven't time; things are too much for us, and, in the second place, the Lord God has given us so little time, only twenty-four hours in the day, so that one hasn't even time to get sleep enough, much less to repent of one's sins. While you have denied your faith to your enemies when you'd nothing else to think about but to show your faith! So I consider, brother, that it constitutes a sin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Constitute a sin it may, but consider yourself, Grigory Vassilyevitch, that it only extenuates it, if it does constitute. If I had believed then in very truth, as I ought to have believed, then it really would have been sinful if I had not faced tortures for my faith, and had gone over to the pagan Mohammedan faith. But, of course, it wouldn't have come to torture then, because I should only have had to say at that instant to the mountain, &#8216;Move and crush the tormentor,' and it would have moved and at the very instant have crushed him like a black-beetle, and I should have walked away as though nothing had happened, praising and glorifying God. But, suppose at that very moment I had tried all that, and cried to that mountain, &#8216;Crush these tormentors,' and it hadn't crushed them, how could I have helped doubting, pray, at such a time, and at such a dread hour of mortal terror? And apart from that, I should know already that I could not attain to the fullness of the Kingdom of Heaven (for since the mountain had not moved at my word, they could not think very much of my faith up aloft, and there could be no very great reward awaiting me in the world to come). So why should I let them flay the skin off me as well, and to no good purpose? For, even though they had flayed my skin half off my back, even then the mountain would not have moved at my word or at my cry. And at such a moment not only doubt might come over one but one might lose one's reason from fear, so that one would not be able to think at all. And, therefore, how should I be particularly to blame if not seeing my advantage or reward there or here, I should, at least, save my skin. And so trusting fully in the grace of the Lord I should cherish the hope that I might be altogether forgiven.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII. OVER THE BRANDY&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The controversy was over. But, strange to say, Fyodor Pavlovitch, who had been so gay, suddenly began frowning. He frowned and gulped brandy, and it was already a glass too much.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Get along with you, Jesuits!&#8221; he cried to the servants. &#8220;Go away, Smerdyakov. I'll send you the gold piece I promised you to-day, but be off! Don't cry, Grigory. Go to Marfa. She'll comfort you and put you to bed. The rascals won't let us sit in peace after dinner,&#8221; he snapped peevishly, as the servants promptly withdrew at his word.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Smerdyakov always pokes himself in now, after dinner. It's you he's so interested in. What have you done to fascinate him?&#8221; he added to Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing whatever,&#8221; answered Ivan. &#8220;He's pleased to have a high opinion of me; he's a lackey and a mean soul. Raw material for revolution, however, when the time comes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For revolution?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There will be others and better ones. But there will be some like him as well. His kind will come first, and better ones after.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And when will the time come?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The rocket will go off and fizzle out, perhaps. The peasants are not very fond of listening to these soup-makers, so far.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, brother, but a Balaam's ass like that thinks and thinks, and the devil knows where he gets to.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's storing up ideas,&#8221; said Ivan, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see, I know he can't bear me, nor anyone else, even you, though you fancy that he has a high opinion of you. Worse still with Alyosha, he despises Alyosha. But he doesn't steal, that's one thing, and he's not a gossip, he holds his tongue, and doesn't wash our dirty linen in public. He makes capital fish pasties too. But, damn him, is he worth talking about so much?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course he isn't.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And as for the ideas he may be hatching, the Russian peasant, generally speaking, needs thrashing. That I've always maintained. Our peasants are swindlers, and don't deserve to be pitied, and it's a good thing they're still flogged sometimes. Russia is rich in birches. If they destroyed the forests, it would be the ruin of Russia. I stand up for the clever people. We've left off thrashing the peasants, we've grown so clever, but they go on thrashing themselves. And a good thing too. &#8216;For with what measure ye mete it shall be measured to you again,' or how does it go? Anyhow, it will be measured. But Russia's all swinishness. My dear, if you only knew how I hate Russia.... That is, not Russia, but all this vice! But maybe I mean Russia. &lt;i&gt;Tout cela c'est de la cochonnerie&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb11&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Tout cela c'est de la cochonnerie &#8211; that's all a lot of piggishness&#034; id=&#034;nh11&#034;&gt;11&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.... Do you know what I like? I like wit.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've had another glass. That's enough.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wait a bit. I'll have one more, and then another, and then I'll stop. No, stay, you interrupted me. At Mokroe I was talking to an old man, and he told me: &#8216;There's nothing we like so much as sentencing girls to be thrashed, and we always give the lads the job of thrashing them. And the girl he has thrashed to-day, the young man will ask in marriage to-morrow. So it quite suits the girls, too,' he said. There's a set of de Sades for you! But it's clever, anyway. Shall we go over and have a look at it, eh? Alyosha, are you blushing? Don't be bashful, child. I'm sorry I didn't stay to dinner at the Superior's and tell the monks about the girls at Mokroe. Alyosha, don't be angry that I offended your Superior this morning. I lost my temper. If there is a God, if He exists, then, of course, I'm to blame, and I shall have to answer for it. But if there isn't a God at all, what do they deserve, your fathers? It's not enough to cut their heads off, for they keep back progress. Would you believe it, Ivan, that that lacerates my sentiments? No, you don't believe it as I see from your eyes. You believe what people say, that I'm nothing but a buffoon. Alyosha, do you believe that I'm nothing but a buffoon?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I don't believe it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I believe you don't, and that you speak the truth. You look sincere and you speak sincerely. But not Ivan. Ivan's supercilious.... I'd make an end of your monks, though, all the same. I'd take all that mystic stuff and suppress it, once for all, all over Russia, so as to bring all the fools to reason. And the gold and the silver that would flow into the mint!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why suppress it?&#8221; asked Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That Truth may prevail. That's why.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, if Truth were to prevail, you know, you'd be the first to be robbed and suppressed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! I dare say you're right. Ah, I'm an ass!&#8221; burst out Fyodor Pavlovitch, striking himself lightly on the forehead. &#8220;Well, your monastery may stand then, Alyosha, if that's how it is. And we clever people will sit snug and enjoy our brandy. You know, Ivan, it must have been so ordained by the Almighty Himself. Ivan, speak, is there a God or not? Stay, speak the truth, speak seriously. Why are you laughing again?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm laughing that you should have made a clever remark just now about Smerdyakov's belief in the existence of two saints who could move mountains.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, am I like him now, then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very much.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, that shows I'm a Russian, too, and I have a Russian characteristic. And you may be caught in the same way, though you are a philosopher. Shall I catch you? What do you bet that I'll catch you to-morrow. Speak, all the same, is there a God, or not? Only, be serious. I want you to be serious now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, there is no God.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, is there a God?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan, and is there immortality of some sort, just a little, just a tiny bit?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is no immortality either.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;None at all?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;None at all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's absolute nothingness then. Perhaps there is just something? Anything is better than nothing!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Absolute nothingness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, is there immortality?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God and immortality?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God and immortality. In God is immortality.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;H'm! It's more likely Ivan's right. Good Lord! to think what faith, what force of all kinds, man has lavished for nothing, on that dream, and for how many thousand years. Who is it laughing at man? Ivan! For the last time, once for all, is there a God or not? I ask for the last time!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And for the last time there is not.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who is laughing at mankind, Ivan?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It must be the devil,&#8221; said Ivan, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the devil? Does he exist?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, there's no devil either.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's a pity. Damn it all, what wouldn't I do to the man who first invented God! Hanging on a bitter aspen tree would be too good for him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There would have been no civilization if they hadn't invented God.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wouldn't there have been? Without God?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No. And there would have been no brandy either. But I must take your brandy away from you, anyway.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stop, stop, stop, dear boy, one more little glass. I've hurt Alyosha's feelings. You're not angry with me, Alyosha? My dear little Alexey!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I am not angry. I know your thoughts. Your heart is better than your head.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My heart better than my head, is it? Oh, Lord! And that from you. Ivan, do you love Alyosha?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You must love him&#8221; (Fyodor Pavlovitch was by this time very drunk). &#8220;Listen, Alyosha, I was rude to your elder this morning. But I was excited. But there's wit in that elder, don't you think, Ivan?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very likely.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is, there is. &lt;i&gt;Il y a du Piron l&#224;-dedans&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb12&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Il y a du Piron l&#224;-dedans &#8211; it's like something from Piron (the French poet)&#034; id=&#034;nh12&#034;&gt;12&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. He's a Jesuit, a Russian one, that is. As he's an honorable person there's a hidden indignation boiling within him at having to pretend and affect holiness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, of course, he believes in God.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not a bit of it. Didn't you know? Why, he tells every one so, himself. That is, not every one, but all the clever people who come to him. He said straight out to Governor Schultz not long ago: &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Credo&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb13&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Credo &#8211; I believe&#034; id=&#034;nh13&#034;&gt;13&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, but I don't know in what.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Really?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He really did. But I respect him. There's something of Mephistopheles about him, or rather of &#8216;The Hero of Our Time&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb14&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;&#8220;The Hero of Our Time&#8221;&#8211; a novel by Lermontov (1840)&#034; id=&#034;nh14&#034;&gt;14&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;' ... Arbenin, or what's his name?... You see, he's a sensualist. He's such a sensualist that I should be afraid for my daughter or my wife if she went to confess to him. You know, when he begins telling stories.... The year before last he invited us to tea, tea with liqueur (the ladies send him liqueur), and began telling us about old times till we nearly split our sides.... Especially how he once cured a paralyzed woman. &#8216;If my legs were not bad I know a dance I could dance you,' he said. What do you say to that? &#8216;I've plenty of tricks in my time,' said he. He did Dernidov, the merchant, out of sixty thousand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What, he stole it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He brought him the money as a man he could trust, saying, &#8216;Take care of it for me, friend, there'll be a police search at my place to-morrow.' And he kept it. &#8216;You have given it to the Church,' he declared. I said to him: &#8216;You're a scoundrel,' I said. &#8216;No,' said he, &#8216;I'm not a scoundrel, but I'm broad-minded.' But that wasn't he, that was some one else. I've muddled him with some one else ... without noticing it. Come, another glass and that's enough. Take away the bottle, Ivan. I've been telling lies. Why didn't you stop me, Ivan, and tell me I was lying?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I knew you'd stop of yourself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's a lie. You did it from spite, from simple spite against me. You despise me. You have come to me and despised me in my own house.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I'm going away. You've had too much brandy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've begged you for Christ's sake to go to Tchermashnya for a day or two, and you don't go.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll go to-morrow if you're so set upon it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You won't go. You want to keep an eye on me. That's what you want, spiteful fellow. That's why you won't go.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old man persisted. He had reached that state of drunkenness when the drunkard who has till then been inoffensive tries to pick a quarrel and to assert himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are you looking at me? Why do you look like that? Your eyes look at me and say, &#8216;You ugly drunkard!' Your eyes are mistrustful. They're contemptuous.... You've come here with some design. Alyosha, here, looks at me and his eyes shine. Alyosha doesn't despise me. Alexey, you mustn't love Ivan.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't be ill-tempered with my brother. Leave off attacking him,&#8221; Alyosha said emphatically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, all right. Ugh, my head aches. Take away the brandy, Ivan. It's the third time I've told you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He mused, and suddenly a slow, cunning grin spread over his face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't be angry with a feeble old man, Ivan. I know you don't love me, but don't be angry all the same. You've nothing to love me for. You go to Tchermashnya. I'll come to you myself and bring you a present. I'll show you a little wench there. I've had my eye on her a long time. She's still running about bare-foot. Don't be afraid of bare-footed wenches&#8212;don't despise them&#8212;they're pearls!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he kissed his hand with a smack.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To my thinking,&#8221; he revived at once, seeming to grow sober the instant he touched on his favorite topic. &#8220;To my thinking ... Ah, you boys! You children, little sucking-pigs, to my thinking ... I never thought a woman ugly in my life&#8212;that's been my rule! Can you understand that? How could you understand it? You've milk in your veins, not blood. You're not out of your shells yet. My rule has been that you can always find something devilishly interesting in every woman that you wouldn't find in any other. Only, one must know how to find it, that's the point! That's a talent! To my mind there are no ugly women. The very fact that she is a woman is half the battle ... but how could you understand that? Even in &lt;i&gt;vieilles filles&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb15&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;vieilles filles &#8211; spinsters&#034; id=&#034;nh15&#034;&gt;15&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, even in them you may discover something that makes you simply wonder that men have been such fools as to let them grow old without noticing them. Bare-footed girls or unattractive ones, you must take by surprise. Didn't you know that? You must astound them till they're fascinated, upset, ashamed that such a gentleman should fall in love with such a little slut. It's a jolly good thing that there always are and will be masters and slaves in the world, so there always will be a little maid-of-all-work and her master, and you know, that's all that's needed for happiness. Stay ... listen, Alyosha, I always used to surprise your mother, but in a different way. I paid no attention to her at all, but all at once, when the minute came, I'd be all devotion to her, crawl on my knees, kiss her feet, and I always, always&#8212;I remember it as though it were to-day&#8212;reduced her to that tinkling, quiet, nervous, queer little laugh. It was peculiar to her. I knew her attacks always used to begin like that. The next day she would begin shrieking hysterically, and this little laugh was not a sign of delight, though it made a very good counterfeit. That's the great thing, to know how to take every one. Once Belyavsky&#8212;he was a handsome fellow, and rich&#8212;used to like to come here and hang about her&#8212;suddenly gave me a slap in the face in her presence. And she&#8212;such a mild sheep&#8212;why, I thought she would have knocked me down for that blow. How she set on me! &#8216;You're beaten, beaten now,' she said. &#8216;You've taken a blow from him. You have been trying to sell me to him,' she said.... &#8216;And how dared he strike you in my presence! Don't dare come near me again, never, never! Run at once, challenge him to a duel!'... I took her to the monastery then to bring her to her senses. The holy Fathers prayed her back to reason. But I swear, by God, Alyosha, I never insulted the poor crazy girl! Only once, perhaps, in the first year; then she was very fond of praying. She used to keep the feasts of Our Lady particularly and used to turn me out of her room then. I'll knock that mysticism out of her, thought I! &#8216;Here,' said I, &#8216;you see your holy image. Here it is. Here I take it down. You believe it's miraculous, but here, I'll spit on it directly and nothing will happen to me for it!'... When she saw it, good Lord! I thought she would kill me. But she only jumped up, wrung her hands, then suddenly hid her face in them, began trembling all over and fell on the floor ... fell all of a heap. Alyosha, Alyosha, what's the matter?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old man jumped up in alarm. From the time he had begun speaking about his mother, a change had gradually come over Alyosha's face. He flushed crimson, his eyes glowed, his lips quivered. The old sot had gone spluttering on, noticing nothing, till the moment when something very strange happened to Alyosha. Precisely what he was describing in the crazy woman was suddenly repeated with Alyosha. He jumped up from his seat exactly as his mother was said to have done, wrung his hands, hid his face in them, and fell back in his chair, shaking all over in an hysterical paroxysm of sudden violent, silent weeping. His extraordinary resemblance to his mother particularly impressed the old man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan, Ivan! Water, quickly! It's like her, exactly as she used to be then, his mother. Spurt some water on him from your mouth, that's what I used to do to her. He's upset about his mother, his mother,&#8221; he muttered to Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But she was my mother, too, I believe, his mother. Was she not?&#8221; said Ivan, with uncontrolled anger and contempt. The old man shrank before his flashing eyes. But something very strange had happened, though only for a second; it seemed really to have escaped the old man's mind that Alyosha's mother actually was the mother of Ivan too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your mother?&#8221; he muttered, not understanding. &#8220;What do you mean? What mother are you talking about? Was she?... Why, damn it! of course she was yours too! Damn it! My mind has never been so darkened before. Excuse me, why, I was thinking, Ivan.... He he he!&#8221; He stopped. A broad, drunken, half-senseless grin overspread his face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that moment a fearful noise and clamor was heard in the hall, there were violent shouts, the door was flung open, and Dmitri burst into the room. The old man rushed to Ivan in terror.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He'll kill me! He'll kill me! Don't let him get at me!&#8221; he screamed, clinging to the skirt of Ivan's coat.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IX. THE SENSUALISTS&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Grigory and Smerdyakov ran into the room after Dmitri. They had been struggling with him in the passage, refusing to admit him, acting on instructions given them by Fyodor Pavlovitch some days before. Taking advantage of the fact that Dmitri stopped a moment on entering the room to look about him, Grigory ran round the table, closed the double doors on the opposite side of the room leading to the inner apartments, and stood before the closed doors, stretching wide his arms, prepared to defend the entrance, so to speak, with the last drop of his blood. Seeing this, Dmitri uttered a scream rather than a shout and rushed at Grigory.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then she's there! She's hidden there! Out of the way, scoundrel!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He tried to pull Grigory away, but the old servant pushed him back. Beside himself with fury, Dmitri struck out, and hit Grigory with all his might. The old man fell like a log, and Dmitri, leaping over him, broke in the door. Smerdyakov remained pale and trembling at the other end of the room, huddling close to Fyodor Pavlovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's here!&#8221; shouted Dmitri. &#8220;I saw her turn towards the house just now, but I couldn't catch her. Where is she? Where is she?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That shout, &#8220;She's here!&#8221; produced an indescribable effect on Fyodor Pavlovitch. All his terror left him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hold him! Hold him!&#8221; he cried, and dashed after Dmitri. Meanwhile Grigory had got up from the floor, but still seemed stunned. Ivan and Alyosha ran after their father. In the third room something was heard to fall on the floor with a ringing crash: it was a large glass vase&#8212;not an expensive one&#8212;on a marble pedestal which Dmitri had upset as he ran past it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At him!&#8221; shouted the old man. &#8220;Help!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan and Alyosha caught the old man and were forcibly bringing him back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why do you run after him? He'll murder you outright,&#8221; Ivan cried wrathfully at his father.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan! Alyosha! She must be here. Grushenka's here. He said he saw her himself, running.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was choking. He was not expecting Grushenka at the time, and the sudden news that she was here made him beside himself. He was trembling all over. He seemed frantic.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you've seen for yourself that she hasn't come,&#8221; cried Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But she may have come by that other entrance.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know that entrance is locked, and you have the key.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dmitri suddenly reappeared in the drawing-room. He had, of course, found the other entrance locked, and the key actually was in Fyodor Pavlovitch's pocket. The windows of all the rooms were also closed, so Grushenka could not have come in anywhere nor have run out anywhere.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hold him!&#8221; shrieked Fyodor Pavlovitch, as soon as he saw him again. &#8220;He's been stealing money in my bedroom.&#8221; And tearing himself from Ivan he rushed again at Dmitri. But Dmitri threw up both hands and suddenly clutched the old man by the two tufts of hair that remained on his temples, tugged at them, and flung him with a crash on the floor. He kicked him two or three times with his heel in the face. The old man moaned shrilly. Ivan, though not so strong as Dmitri, threw his arms round him, and with all his might pulled him away. Alyosha helped him with his slender strength, holding Dmitri in front.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Madman! You've killed him!&#8221; cried Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Serve him right!&#8221; shouted Dmitri breathlessly. &#8220;If I haven't killed him, I'll come again and kill him. You can't protect him!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dmitri! Go away at once!&#8221; cried Alyosha commandingly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alexey! You tell me. It's only you I can believe; was she here just now, or not? I saw her myself creeping this way by the fence from the lane. I shouted, she ran away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I swear she's not been here, and no one expected her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I saw her.... So she must ... I'll find out at once where she is.... Good-by, Alexey! Not a word to &#198;sop about the money now. But go to Katerina Ivanovna at once and be sure to say, &#8216;He sends his compliments to you!' Compliments, his compliments! Just compliments and farewell! Describe the scene to her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Meanwhile Ivan and Grigory had raised the old man and seated him in an arm-chair. His face was covered with blood, but he was conscious and listened greedily to Dmitri's cries. He was still fancying that Grushenka really was somewhere in the house. Dmitri looked at him with hatred as he went out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't repent shedding your blood!&#8221; he cried. &#8220;Beware, old man, beware of your dream, for I have my dream, too. I curse you, and disown you altogether.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He ran out of the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's here. She must be here. Smerdyakov! Smerdyakov!&#8221; the old man wheezed, scarcely audibly, beckoning to him with his finger.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, she's not here, you old lunatic!&#8221; Ivan shouted at him angrily. &#8220;Here, he's fainting! Water! A towel! Make haste, Smerdyakov!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov ran for water. At last they got the old man undressed, and put him to bed. They wrapped a wet towel round his head. Exhausted by the brandy, by his violent emotion, and the blows he had received, he shut his eyes and fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow. Ivan and Alyosha went back to the drawing-room. Smerdyakov removed the fragments of the broken vase, while Grigory stood by the table looking gloomily at the floor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Shouldn't you put a wet bandage on your head and go to bed, too?&#8221; Alyosha said to him. &#8220;We'll look after him. My brother gave you a terrible blow&#8212;on the head.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's insulted me!&#8221; Grigory articulated gloomily and distinctly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's &#8216;insulted' his father, not only you,&#8221; observed Ivan with a forced smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I used to wash him in his tub. He's insulted me,&#8221; repeated Grigory.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Damn it all, if I hadn't pulled him away perhaps he'd have murdered him. It wouldn't take much to do for Aesop, would it?&#8221; whispered Ivan to Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God forbid!&#8221; cried Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why should He forbid?&#8221; Ivan went on in the same whisper, with a malignant grimace. &#8220;One reptile will devour the other. And serve them both right, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha shuddered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course I won't let him be murdered as I didn't just now. Stay here, Alyosha, I'll go for a turn in the yard. My head's begun to ache.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha went to his father's bedroom and sat by his bedside behind the screen for about an hour. The old man suddenly opened his eyes and gazed for a long while at Alyosha, evidently remembering and meditating. All at once his face betrayed extraordinary excitement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha,&#8221; he whispered apprehensively, &#8220;where's Ivan?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the yard. He's got a headache. He's on the watch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give me that looking-glass. It stands over there. Give it me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha gave him a little round folding looking-glass which stood on the chest of drawers. The old man looked at himself in it; his nose was considerably swollen, and on the left side of his forehead there was a rather large crimson bruise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What does Ivan say? Alyosha, my dear, my only son, I'm afraid of Ivan. I'm more afraid of Ivan than the other. You're the only one I'm not afraid of....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't be afraid of Ivan either. He is angry, but he'll defend you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, and what of the other? He's run to Grushenka. My angel, tell me the truth, was she here just now or not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No one has seen her. It was a mistake. She has not been here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know Mitya wants to marry her, to marry her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She won't marry him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She won't. She won't. She won't. She won't on any account!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old man fairly fluttered with joy, as though nothing more comforting could have been said to him. In his delight he seized Alyosha's hand and pressed it warmly to his heart. Tears positively glittered in his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That image of the Mother of God of which I was telling you just now,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Take it home and keep it for yourself. And I'll let you go back to the monastery.... I was joking this morning, don't be angry with me. My head aches, Alyosha.... Alyosha, comfort my heart. Be an angel and tell me the truth!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're still asking whether she has been here or not?&#8221; Alyosha said sorrowfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no, no. I believe you. I'll tell you what it is: you go to Grushenka yourself, or see her somehow; make haste and ask her; see for yourself, which she means to choose, him or me. Eh? What? Can you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If I see her I'll ask her,&#8221; Alyosha muttered, embarrassed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, she won't tell you,&#8221; the old man interrupted, &#8220;she's a rogue. She'll begin kissing you and say that it's you she wants. She's a deceitful, shameless hussy. You mustn't go to her, you mustn't!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, father, and it wouldn't be suitable, it wouldn't be right at all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where was he sending you just now? He shouted &#8216;Go' as he ran away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To Katerina Ivanovna.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For money? To ask her for money?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No. Not for money.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's no money; not a farthing. I'll settle down for the night, and think things over, and you can go. Perhaps you'll meet her.... Only be sure to come to me to-morrow in the morning. Be sure to. I have a word to say to you to-morrow. Will you come?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When you come, pretend you've come of your own accord to ask after me. Don't tell anyone I told you to. Don't say a word to Ivan.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by, my angel. You stood up for me, just now. I shall never forget it. I've a word to say to you to-morrow&#8212;but I must think about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And how do you feel now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall get up to-morrow and go out, perfectly well, perfectly well!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Crossing the yard Alyosha found Ivan sitting on the bench at the gateway. He was sitting writing something in pencil in his note-book. Alyosha told Ivan that their father had waked up, was conscious, and had let him go back to sleep at the monastery.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, I should be very glad to meet you to-morrow morning,&#8221; said Ivan cordially, standing up. His cordiality was a complete surprise to Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall be at the Hohlakovs' to-morrow,&#8221; answered Alyosha, &#8220;I may be at Katerina Ivanovna's, too, if I don't find her now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you're going to her now, anyway? For that &#8216;compliments and farewell,' &#8221; said Ivan smiling. Alyosha was disconcerted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think I quite understand his exclamations just now, and part of what went before. Dmitri has asked you to go to her and say that he&#8212;well, in fact&#8212;takes his leave of her?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother, how will all this horror end between father and Dmitri?&#8221; exclaimed Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One can't tell for certain. Perhaps in nothing: it may all fizzle out. That woman is a beast. In any case we must keep the old man indoors and not let Dmitri in the house.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother, let me ask one thing more: has any man a right to look at other men and decide which is worthy to live?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why bring in the question of worth? The matter is most often decided in men's hearts on other grounds much more natural. And as for rights&#8212;who has not the right to wish?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not for another man's death?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What even if for another man's death? Why lie to oneself since all men live so and perhaps cannot help living so. Are you referring to what I said just now&#8212;that one reptile will devour the other? In that case let me ask you, do you think me like Dmitri capable of shedding &#198;sop's blood, murdering him, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you saying, Ivan? Such an idea never crossed my mind. I don't think Dmitri is capable of it, either.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thanks, if only for that,&#8221; smiled Ivan. &#8220;Be sure, I should always defend him. But in my wishes I reserve myself full latitude in this case. Good-by till to-morrow. Don't condemn me, and don't look on me as a villain,&#8221; he added with a smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They shook hands warmly as they had never done before. Alyosha felt that his brother had taken the first step towards him, and that he had certainly done this with some definite motive.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER X. BOTH TOGETHER&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Alyosha left his father's house feeling even more exhausted and dejected in spirit than when he had entered it. His mind too seemed shattered and unhinged, while he felt that he was afraid to put together the disjointed fragments and form a general idea from all the agonizing and conflicting experiences of the day. He felt something bordering upon despair, which he had never known till then. Towering like a mountain above all the rest stood the fatal, insoluble question: How would things end between his father and his brother Dmitri with this terrible woman? Now he had himself been a witness of it, he had been present and seen them face to face. Yet only his brother Dmitri could be made unhappy, terribly, completely unhappy: there was trouble awaiting him. It appeared too that there were other people concerned, far more so than Alyosha could have supposed before. There was something positively mysterious in it, too. Ivan had made a step towards him, which was what Alyosha had been long desiring. Yet now he felt for some reason that he was frightened at it. And these women? Strange to say, that morning he had set out for Katerina Ivanovna's in the greatest embarrassment; now he felt nothing of the kind. On the contrary, he was hastening there as though expecting to find guidance from her. Yet to give her this message was obviously more difficult than before. The matter of the three thousand was decided irrevocably, and Dmitri, feeling himself dishonored and losing his last hope, might sink to any depth. He had, moreover, told him to describe to Katerina Ivanovna the scene which had just taken place with his father.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was by now seven o'clock, and it was getting dark as Alyosha entered the very spacious and convenient house in the High Street occupied by Katerina Ivanovna. Alyosha knew that she lived with two aunts. One of them, a woman of little education, was that aunt of her half-sister Agafya Ivanovna who had looked after her in her father's house when she came from boarding-school. The other aunt was a Moscow lady of style and consequence, though in straitened circumstances. It was said that they both gave way in everything to Katerina Ivanovna, and that she only kept them with her as chaperons. Katerina Ivanovna herself gave way to no one but her benefactress, the general's widow, who had been kept by illness in Moscow, and to whom she was obliged to write twice a week a full account of all her doings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Alyosha entered the hall and asked the maid who opened the door to him to take his name up, it was evident that they were already aware of his arrival. Possibly he had been noticed from the window. At least, Alyosha heard a noise, caught the sound of flying footsteps and rustling skirts. Two or three women, perhaps, had run out of the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha thought it strange that his arrival should cause such excitement. He was conducted however to the drawing-room at once. It was a large room, elegantly and amply furnished, not at all in provincial style. There were many sofas, lounges, settees, big and little tables. There were pictures on the walls, vases and lamps on the tables, masses of flowers, and even an aquarium in the window. It was twilight and rather dark. Alyosha made out a silk mantle thrown down on the sofa, where people had evidently just been sitting; and on a table in front of the sofa were two unfinished cups of chocolate, cakes, a glass saucer with blue raisins, and another with sweetmeats. Alyosha saw that he had interrupted visitors, and frowned. But at that instant the porti&#232;re was raised, and with rapid, hurrying footsteps Katerina Ivanovna came in, holding out both hands to Alyosha with a radiant smile of delight. At the same instant a servant brought in two lighted candles and set them on the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank God! At last you have come too! I've been simply praying for you all day! Sit down.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha had been struck by Katerina Ivanovna's beauty when, three weeks before, Dmitri had first brought him, at Katerina Ivanovna's special request, to be introduced to her. There had been no conversation between them at that interview, however. Supposing Alyosha to be very shy, Katerina Ivanovna had talked all the time to Dmitri to spare him. Alyosha had been silent, but he had seen a great deal very clearly. He was struck by the imperiousness, proud ease, and self-confidence of the haughty girl. And all that was certain, Alyosha felt that he was not exaggerating it. He thought her great glowing black eyes were very fine, especially with her pale, even rather sallow, longish face. But in those eyes and in the lines of her exquisite lips there was something with which his brother might well be passionately in love, but which perhaps could not be loved for long. He expressed this thought almost plainly to Dmitri when, after the visit, his brother besought and insisted that he should not conceal his impressions on seeing his betrothed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'll be happy with her, but perhaps&#8212;not tranquilly happy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quite so, brother. Such people remain always the same. They don't yield to fate. So you think I shan't love her for ever.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; perhaps you will love her for ever. But perhaps you won't always be happy with her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha had given his opinion at the time, blushing, and angry with himself for having yielded to his brother's entreaties and put such &#8220;foolish&#8221; ideas into words. For his opinion had struck him as awfully foolish immediately after he had uttered it. He felt ashamed too of having given so confident an opinion about a woman. It was with the more amazement that he felt now, at the first glance at Katerina Ivanovna as she ran in to him, that he had perhaps been utterly mistaken. This time her face was beaming with spontaneous good-natured kindliness, and direct warm-hearted sincerity. The &#8220;pride and haughtiness,&#8221; which had struck Alyosha so much before, was only betrayed now in a frank, generous energy and a sort of bright, strong faith in herself. Alyosha realized at the first glance, at the first word, that all the tragedy of her position in relation to the man she loved so dearly was no secret to her; that she perhaps already knew everything, positively everything. And yet, in spite of that, there was such brightness in her face, such faith in the future. Alyosha felt at once that he had gravely wronged her in his thoughts. He was conquered and captivated immediately. Besides all this, he noticed at her first words that she was in great excitement, an excitement perhaps quite exceptional and almost approaching ecstasy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was so eager to see you, because I can learn from you the whole truth&#8212;from you and no one else.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have come,&#8221; muttered Alyosha confusedly, &#8220;I&#8212;he sent me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, he sent you! I foresaw that. Now I know everything&#8212;everything!&#8221; cried Katerina Ivanovna, her eyes flashing. &#8220;Wait a moment, Alexey Fyodorovitch, I'll tell you why I've been so longing to see you. You see, I know perhaps far more than you do yourself, and there's no need for you to tell me anything. I'll tell you what I want from you. I want to know your own last impression of him. I want you to tell me most directly, plainly, coarsely even (oh, as coarsely as you like!), what you thought of him just now and of his position after your meeting with him to-day. That will perhaps be better than if I had a personal explanation with him, as he does not want to come to me. Do you understand what I want from you? Now, tell me simply, tell me every word of the message he sent you with (I knew he would send you).&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He told me to give you his compliments&#8212;and to say that he would never come again&#8212;but to give you his compliments.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;His compliments? Was that what he said&#8212;his own expression?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Accidentally perhaps he made a mistake in the word, perhaps he did not use the right word?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; he told me precisely to repeat that word. He begged me two or three times not to forget to say so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Katerina Ivanovna flushed hotly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Help me now, Alexey Fyodorovitch. Now I really need your help. I'll tell you what I think, and you must simply say whether it's right or not. Listen! If he had sent me his compliments in passing, without insisting on your repeating the words, without emphasizing them, that would be the end of everything! But if he particularly insisted on those words, if he particularly told you not to forget to repeat them to me, then perhaps he was in excitement, beside himself. He had made his decision and was frightened at it. He wasn't walking away from me with a resolute step, but leaping headlong. The emphasis on that phrase may have been simply bravado.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes!&#8221; cried Alyosha warmly. &#8220;I believe that is it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And, if so, he's not altogether lost. I can still save him. Stay! Did he not tell you anything about money&#8212;about three thousand roubles?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He did speak about it, and it's that more than anything that's crushing him. He said he had lost his honor and that nothing matters now,&#8221; Alyosha answered warmly, feeling a rush of hope in his heart and believing that there really might be a way of escape and salvation for his brother. &#8220;But do you know about the money?&#8221; he added, and suddenly broke off.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've known of it a long time; I telegraphed to Moscow to inquire, and heard long ago that the money had not arrived. He hadn't sent the money, but I said nothing. Last week I learnt that he was still in need of money. My only object in all this was that he should know to whom to turn, and who was his true friend. No, he won't recognize that I am his truest friend; he won't know me, and looks on me merely as a woman. I've been tormented all the week, trying to think how to prevent him from being ashamed to face me because he spent that three thousand. Let him feel ashamed of himself, let him be ashamed of other people's knowing, but not of my knowing. He can tell God everything without shame. Why is it he still does not understand how much I am ready to bear for his sake? Why, why doesn't he know me? How dare he not know me after all that has happened? I want to save him for ever. Let him forget me as his betrothed. And here he fears that he is dishonored in my eyes. Why, he wasn't afraid to be open with you, Alexey Fyodorovitch. How is it that I don't deserve the same?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The last words she uttered in tears. Tears gushed from her eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must tell you,&#8221; Alyosha began, his voice trembling too, &#8220;what happened just now between him and my father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he described the whole scene, how Dmitri had sent him to get the money, how he had broken in, knocked his father down, and after that had again specially and emphatically begged him to take his compliments and farewell. &#8220;He went to that woman,&#8221; Alyosha added softly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And do you suppose that I can't put up with that woman? Does he think I can't? But he won't marry her,&#8221; she suddenly laughed nervously. &#8220;Could such a passion last for ever in a Karamazov? It's passion, not love. He won't marry her because she won't marry him.&#8221; Again Katerina Ivanovna laughed strangely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He may marry her,&#8221; said Alyosha mournfully, looking down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He won't marry her, I tell you. That girl is an angel. Do you know that? Do you know that?&#8221; Katerina Ivanovna exclaimed suddenly with extraordinary warmth. &#8220;She is one of the most fantastic of fantastic creatures. I know how bewitching she is, but I know too that she is kind, firm and noble. Why do you look at me like that, Alexey Fyodorovitch? Perhaps you are wondering at my words, perhaps you don't believe me? Agrafena Alexandrovna&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb16&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Agrafena Alexandrovna &#8211; Grushenka. TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&#034; id=&#034;nh16&#034;&gt;16&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, my angel!&#8221; she cried suddenly to some one, peeping into the next room, &#8220;come in to us. This is a friend. This is Alyosha. He knows all about our affairs. Show yourself to him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've only been waiting behind the curtain for you to call me,&#8221; said a soft, one might even say sugary, feminine voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The porti&#232;re was raised and Grushenka herself, smiling and beaming, came up to the table. A violent revulsion passed over Alyosha. He fixed his eyes on her and could not take them off. Here she was, that awful woman, the &#8220;beast,&#8221; as Ivan had called her half an hour before. And yet one would have thought the creature standing before him most simple and ordinary, a good-natured, kind woman, handsome certainly, but so like other handsome ordinary women! It is true she was very, very good-looking with that Russian beauty so passionately loved by many men. She was a rather tall woman, though a little shorter than Katerina Ivanovna, who was exceptionally tall. She had a full figure, with soft, as it were, noiseless, movements, softened to a peculiar over-sweetness, like her voice. She moved, not like Katerina Ivanovna, with a vigorous, bold step, but noiselessly. Her feet made absolutely no sound on the floor. She sank softly into a low chair, softly rustling her sumptuous black silk dress, and delicately nestling her milk-white neck and broad shoulders in a costly cashmere shawl. She was twenty-two years old, and her face looked exactly that age. She was very white in the face, with a pale pink tint on her cheeks. The modeling of her face might be said to be too broad, and the lower jaw was set a trifle forward. Her upper lip was thin, but the slightly prominent lower lip was at least twice as full, and looked pouting. But her magnificent, abundant dark brown hair, her sable-colored eyebrows and charming gray-blue eyes with their long lashes would have made the most indifferent person, meeting her casually in a crowd in the street, stop at the sight of her face and remember it long after. What struck Alyosha most in that face was its expression of childlike good nature. There was a childlike look in her eyes, a look of childish delight. She came up to the table, beaming with delight and seeming to expect something with childish, impatient, and confiding curiosity. The light in her eyes gladdened the soul&#8212;Alyosha felt that. There was something else in her which he could not understand, or would not have been able to define, and which yet perhaps unconsciously affected him. It was that softness, that voluptuousness of her bodily movements, that catlike noiselessness. Yet it was a vigorous, ample body. Under the shawl could be seen full broad shoulders, a high, still quite girlish bosom. Her figure suggested the lines of the Venus of Milo, though already in somewhat exaggerated proportions. That could be divined. Connoisseurs of Russian beauty could have foretold with certainty that this fresh, still youthful beauty would lose its harmony by the age of thirty, would &#8220;spread&#8221;; that the face would become puffy, and that wrinkles would very soon appear upon her forehead and round the eyes; the complexion would grow coarse and red perhaps&#8212;in fact, that it was the beauty of the moment, the fleeting beauty which is so often met with in Russian women. Alyosha, of course, did not think of this; but though he was fascinated, yet he wondered with an unpleasant sensation, and as it were regretfully, why she drawled in that way and could not speak naturally. She did so evidently feeling there was a charm in the exaggerated, honeyed modulation of the syllables. It was, of course, only a bad, underbred habit that showed bad education and a false idea of good manners. And yet this intonation and manner of speaking impressed Alyosha as almost incredibly incongruous with the childishly simple and happy expression of her face, the soft, babyish joy in her eyes. Katerina Ivanovna at once made her sit down in an arm-chair facing Alyosha, and ecstatically kissed her several times on her smiling lips. She seemed quite in love with her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is the first time we've met, Alexey Fyodorovitch,&#8221; she said rapturously. &#8220;I wanted to know her, to see her. I wanted to go to her, but I'd no sooner expressed the wish than she came to me. I knew we should settle everything together&#8212;everything. My heart told me so&#8212;I was begged not to take the step, but I foresaw it would be a way out of the difficulty, and I was not mistaken. Grushenka has explained everything to me, told me all she means to do. She flew here like an angel of goodness and brought us peace and joy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You did not disdain me, sweet, excellent young lady,&#8221; drawled Grushenka in her sing-song voice, still with the same charming smile of delight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't dare to speak to me like that, you sorceress, you witch! Disdain you! Here, I must kiss your lower lip once more. It looks as though it were swollen, and now it will be more so, and more and more. Look how she laughs, Alexey Fyodorovitch! It does one's heart good to see the angel.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha flushed, and faint, imperceptible shivers kept running down him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You make so much of me, dear young lady, and perhaps I am not at all worthy of your kindness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not worthy! She's not worthy of it!&#8221; Katerina Ivanovna cried again with the same warmth. &#8220;You know, Alexey Fyodorovitch, we're fanciful, we're self-willed, but proudest of the proud in our little heart. We're noble, we're generous, Alexey Fyodorovitch, let me tell you. We have only been unfortunate. We were too ready to make every sacrifice for an unworthy, perhaps, or fickle man. There was one man&#8212;one, an officer too, we loved him, we sacrificed everything to him. That was long ago, five years ago, and he has forgotten us, he has married. Now he is a widower, he has written, he is coming here, and, do you know, we've loved him, none but him, all this time, and we've loved him all our life! He will come, and Grushenka will be happy again. For the last five years she's been wretched. But who can reproach her, who can boast of her favor? Only that bedridden old merchant, but he is more like her father, her friend, her protector. He found her then in despair, in agony, deserted by the man she loved. She was ready to drown herself then, but the old merchant saved her&#8212;saved her!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You defend me very kindly, dear young lady. You are in a great hurry about everything,&#8221; Grushenka drawled again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Defend you! Is it for me to defend you? Should I dare to defend you? Grushenka, angel, give me your hand. Look at that charming soft little hand, Alexey Fyodorovitch! Look at it! It has brought me happiness and has lifted me up, and I'm going to kiss it, outside and inside, here, here, here!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And three times she kissed the certainly charming, though rather fat, hand of Grushenka in a sort of rapture. She held out her hand with a charming musical, nervous little laugh, watched the &#8220;sweet young lady,&#8221; and obviously liked having her hand kissed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps there's rather too much rapture,&#8221; thought Alyosha. He blushed. He felt a peculiar uneasiness at heart the whole time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You won't make me blush, dear young lady, kissing my hand like this before Alexey Fyodorovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you think I meant to make you blush?&#8221; said Katerina Ivanovna, somewhat surprised. &#8220;Ah, my dear, how little you understand me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, and you too perhaps quite misunderstand me, dear young lady. Maybe I'm not so good as I seem to you. I've a bad heart; I will have my own way. I fascinated poor Dmitri Fyodorovitch that day simply for fun.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But now you'll save him. You've given me your word. You'll explain it all to him. You'll break to him that you have long loved another man, who is now offering you his hand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no! I didn't give you my word to do that. It was you kept talking about that. I didn't give you my word.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then I didn't quite understand you,&#8221; said Katerina Ivanovna slowly, turning a little pale. &#8220;You promised&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, angel lady, I've promised nothing,&#8221; Grushenka interrupted softly and evenly, still with the same gay and simple expression. &#8220;You see at once, dear young lady, what a willful wretch I am compared with you. If I want to do a thing I do it. I may have made you some promise just now. But now again I'm thinking: I may take to Mitya again. I liked him very much once&#8212;liked him for almost a whole hour. Now maybe I shall go and tell him to stay with me from this day forward. You see, I'm so changeable.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just now you said&#8212;something quite different,&#8221; Katerina Ivanovna whispered faintly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, just now! But, you know. I'm such a soft-hearted, silly creature. Only think what he's gone through on my account! What if when I go home I feel sorry for him? What then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I never expected&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, young lady, how good and generous you are compared with me! Now perhaps you won't care for a silly creature like me, now you know my character. Give me your sweet little hand, angelic lady,&#8221; she said tenderly, and with a sort of reverence took Katerina Ivanovna's hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here, dear young lady, I'll take your hand and kiss it as you did mine. You kissed mine three times, but I ought to kiss yours three hundred times to be even with you. Well, but let that pass. And then it shall be as God wills. Perhaps I shall be your slave entirely and want to do your bidding like a slave. Let it be as God wills, without any agreements and promises. What a sweet hand&#8212;what a sweet hand you have! You sweet young lady, you incredible beauty!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She slowly raised the hands to her lips, with the strange object indeed of &#8220;being even&#8221; with her in kisses.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Katerina Ivanovna did not take her hand away. She listened with timid hope to the last words, though Grushenka's promise to do her bidding like a slave was very strangely expressed. She looked intently into her eyes; she still saw in those eyes the same simple-hearted, confiding expression, the same bright gayety.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's perhaps too na&#239;ve,&#8221; thought Katerina Ivanovna, with a gleam of hope.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grushenka meanwhile seemed enthusiastic over the &#8220;sweet hand.&#8221; She raised it deliberately to her lips. But she held it for two or three minutes near her lips, as though reconsidering something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know, angel lady,&#8221; she suddenly drawled in an even more soft and sugary voice, &#8220;do you know, after all, I think I won't kiss your hand?&#8221; And she laughed a little merry laugh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As you please. What's the matter with you?&#8221; said Katerina Ivanovna, starting suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So that you may be left to remember that you kissed my hand, but I didn't kiss yours.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a sudden gleam in her eyes. She looked with awful intentness at Katerina Ivanovna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Insolent creature!&#8221; cried Katerina Ivanovna, as though suddenly grasping something. She flushed all over and leapt up from her seat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grushenka too got up, but without haste.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So I shall tell Mitya how you kissed my hand, but I didn't kiss yours at all. And how he will laugh!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Vile slut! Go away!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, for shame, young lady! Ah, for shame! That's unbecoming for you, dear young lady, a word like that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go away! You're a creature for sale!&#8221; screamed Katerina Ivanovna. Every feature was working in her utterly distorted face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For sale indeed! You used to visit gentlemen in the dusk for money once; you brought your beauty for sale. You see, I know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Katerina Ivanovna shrieked, and would have rushed at her, but Alyosha held her with all his strength.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not a step, not a word! Don't speak, don't answer her. She'll go away&#8212;she'll go at once.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that instant Katerina Ivanovna's two aunts ran in at her cry, and with them a maid-servant. All hurried to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will go away,&#8221; said Grushenka, taking up her mantle from the sofa. &#8220;Alyosha, darling, see me home!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go away&#8212;go away, make haste!&#8221; cried Alyosha, clasping his hands imploringly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dear little Alyosha, see me home! I've got a pretty little story to tell you on the way. I got up this scene for your benefit, Alyosha. See me home, dear, you'll be glad of it afterwards.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha turned away, wringing his hands. Grushenka ran out of the house, laughing musically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Katerina Ivanovna went into a fit of hysterics. She sobbed, and was shaken with convulsions. Every one fussed round her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I warned you,&#8221; said the elder of her aunts. &#8220;I tried to prevent your doing this. You're too impulsive. How could you do such a thing? You don't know these creatures, and they say she's worse than any of them. You are too self-willed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's a tigress!&#8221; yelled Katerina Ivanovna. &#8220;Why did you hold me, Alexey Fyodorovitch? I'd have beaten her&#8212;beaten her!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She could not control herself before Alyosha; perhaps she did not care to, indeed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She ought to be flogged in public on a scaffold!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha withdrew towards the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, my God!&#8221; cried Katerina Ivanovna, clasping her hands. &#8220;He! He! He could be so dishonorable, so inhuman! Why, he told that creature what happened on that fatal, accursed day! &#8216;You brought your beauty for sale, dear young lady.' She knows it! Your brother's a scoundrel, Alexey Fyodorovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha wanted to say something, but he couldn't find a word. His heart ached.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go away, Alexey Fyodorovitch! It's shameful, it's awful for me! To-morrow, I beg you on my knees, come to-morrow. Don't condemn me. Forgive me. I don't know what I shall do with myself now!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha walked out into the street reeling. He could have wept as she did. Suddenly he was overtaken by the maid.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The young lady forgot to give you this letter from Madame Hohlakov; it's been left with us since dinner-time.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha took the little pink envelope mechanically and put it, almost unconsciously, into his pocket.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER XI. ANOTHER REPUTATION RUINED&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It was not much more than three-quarters of a mile from the town to the monastery. Alyosha walked quickly along the road, at that hour deserted. It was almost night, and too dark to see anything clearly at thirty paces ahead. There were cross-roads half-way. A figure came into sight under a solitary willow at the cross-roads. As soon as Alyosha reached the crossroads the figure moved out and rushed at him, shouting savagely:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your money or your life!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So it's you, Mitya,&#8221; cried Alyosha, in surprise, violently startled however.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ha ha ha! You didn't expect me? I wondered where to wait for you. By her house? There are three ways from it, and I might have missed you. At last I thought of waiting here, for you had to pass here, there's no other way to the monastery. Come, tell me the truth. Crush me like a beetle. But what's the matter?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing, brother&#8212;it's the fright you gave me. Oh, Dmitri! Father's blood just now.&#8221; (Alyosha began to cry, he had been on the verge of tears for a long time, and now something seemed to snap in his soul.) &#8220;You almost killed him&#8212;cursed him&#8212;and now&#8212;here&#8212;you're making jokes&#8212;&#8216;Your money or your life!' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what of that? It's not seemly&#8212;is that it? Not suitable in my position?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No&#8212;I only&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay. Look at the night. You see what a dark night, what clouds, what a wind has risen. I hid here under the willow waiting for you. And as God's above, I suddenly thought, why go on in misery any longer, what is there to wait for? Here I have a willow, a handkerchief, a shirt, I can twist them into a rope in a minute, and braces besides, and why go on burdening the earth, dishonoring it with my vile presence? And then I heard you coming&#8212;Heavens, it was as though something flew down to me suddenly. So there is a man, then, whom I love. Here he is, that man, my dear little brother, whom I love more than anyone in the world, the only one I love in the world. And I loved you so much, so much at that moment that I thought, &#8216;I'll fall on his neck at once.' Then a stupid idea struck me, to have a joke with you and scare you. I shouted, like a fool, &#8216;Your money!' Forgive my foolery&#8212;it was only nonsense, and there's nothing unseemly in my soul.... Damn it all, tell me what's happened. What did she say? Strike me, crush me, don't spare me! Was she furious?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, not that.... There was nothing like that, Mitya. There&#8212;I found them both there.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Both? Whom?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Grushenka at Katerina Ivanovna's.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dmitri was struck dumb.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Impossible!&#8221; he cried. &#8220;You're raving! Grushenka with her?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha described all that had happened from the moment he went in to Katerina Ivanovna's. He was ten minutes telling his story. He can't be said to have told it fluently and consecutively, but he seemed to make it clear, not omitting any word or action of significance, and vividly describing, often in one word, his own sensations. Dmitri listened in silence, gazing at him with a terrible fixed stare, but it was clear to Alyosha that he understood it all, and had grasped every point. But as the story went on, his face became not merely gloomy, but menacing. He scowled, he clenched his teeth, and his fixed stare became still more rigid, more concentrated, more terrible, when suddenly, with incredible rapidity, his wrathful, savage face changed, his tightly compressed lips parted, and Dmitri Fyodorovitch broke into uncontrolled, spontaneous laughter. He literally shook with laughter. For a long time he could not speak.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So she wouldn't kiss her hand! So she didn't kiss it; so she ran away!&#8221; he kept exclaiming with hysterical delight; insolent delight it might have been called, if it had not been so spontaneous. &#8220;So the other one called her tigress! And a tigress she is! So she ought to be flogged on a scaffold? Yes, yes, so she ought. That's just what I think; she ought to have been long ago. It's like this, brother, let her be punished, but I must get better first. I understand the queen of impudence. That's her all over! You saw her all over in that hand-kissing, the she-devil! She's magnificent in her own line! So she ran home? I'll go&#8212;ah&#8212;I'll run to her! Alyosha, don't blame me, I agree that hanging is too good for her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But Katerina Ivanovna!&#8221; exclaimed Alyosha sorrowfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I see her, too! I see right through her, as I've never done before! It's a regular discovery of the four continents of the world, that is, of the five! What a thing to do! That's just like Katya, who was not afraid to face a coarse, unmannerly officer and risk a deadly insult on a generous impulse to save her father! But the pride, the recklessness, the defiance of fate, the unbounded defiance! You say that aunt tried to stop her? That aunt, you know, is overbearing, herself. She's the sister of the general's widow in Moscow, and even more stuck-up than she. But her husband was caught stealing government money. He lost everything, his estate and all, and the proud wife had to lower her colors, and hasn't raised them since. So she tried to prevent Katya, but she wouldn't listen to her! She thinks she can overcome everything, that everything will give way to her. She thought she could bewitch Grushenka if she liked, and she believed it herself: she plays a part to herself, and whose fault is it? Do you think she kissed Grushenka's hand first, on purpose, with a motive? No, she really was fascinated by Grushenka, that's to say, not by Grushenka, but by her own dream, her own delusion&#8212;because it was &lt;i&gt;her&lt;/i&gt; dream, &lt;i&gt;her&lt;/i&gt; delusion! Alyosha, darling, how did you escape from them, those women? Did you pick up your cassock and run? Ha ha ha!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother, you don't seem to have noticed how you've insulted Katerina Ivanovna by telling Grushenka about that day. And she flung it in her face just now that she had gone to gentlemen in secret to sell her beauty! Brother, what could be worse than that insult?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What worried Alyosha more than anything was that, incredible as it seemed, his brother appeared pleased at Katerina Ivanovna's humiliation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bah!&#8221; Dmitri frowned fiercely, and struck his forehead with his hand. He only now realized it, though Alyosha had just told him of the insult, and Katerina Ivanovna's cry: &#8220;Your brother is a scoundrel!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, perhaps, I really did tell Grushenka about that &#8216;fatal day,' as Katya calls it. Yes, I did tell her, I remember! It was that time at Mokroe. I was drunk, the gypsies were singing.... But I was sobbing. I was sobbing then, kneeling and praying to Katya's image, and Grushenka understood it. She understood it all then. I remember, she cried herself.... Damn it all! But it's bound to be so now.... Then she cried, but now &#8216;the dagger in the heart'! That's how women are.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He looked down and sank into thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I am a scoundrel, a thorough scoundrel!&#8221; he said suddenly, in a gloomy voice. &#8220;It doesn't matter whether I cried or not, I'm a scoundrel! Tell her I accept the name, if that's any comfort. Come, that's enough. Good-by. It's no use talking! It's not amusing. You go your way and I mine. And I don't want to see you again except as a last resource. Good-by, Alexey!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He warmly pressed Alyosha's hand, and still looking down, without raising his head, as though tearing himself away, turned rapidly towards the town.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha looked after him, unable to believe he would go away so abruptly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay, Alexey, one more confession to you alone!&#8221; cried Dmitri, suddenly turning back. &#8220;Look at me. Look at me well. You see here, here&#8212;there's terrible disgrace in store for me.&#8221; (As he said &#8220;here,&#8221; Dmitri struck his chest with his fist with a strange air, as though the dishonor lay precisely on his chest, in some spot, in a pocket, perhaps, or hanging round his neck.) &#8220;You know me now, a scoundrel, an avowed scoundrel, but let me tell you that I've never done anything before and never shall again, anything that can compare in baseness with the dishonor which I bear now at this very minute on my breast, here, here, which will come to pass, though I'm perfectly free to stop it. I can stop it or carry it through, note that. Well, let me tell you, I shall carry it through. I shan't stop it. I told you everything just now, but I didn't tell you this, because even I had not brass enough for it. I can still pull up; if I do, I can give back the full half of my lost honor to-morrow. But I shan't pull up. I shall carry out my base plan, and you can bear witness that I told you so beforehand. Darkness and destruction! No need to explain. You'll find out in due time. The filthy back-alley and the she-devil. Good-by. Don't pray for me, I'm not worth it. And there's no need, no need at all.... I don't need it! Away!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he suddenly retreated, this time finally. Alyosha went towards the monastery.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What? I shall never see him again! What is he saying?&#8221; he wondered wildly. &#8220;Why, I shall certainly see him to-morrow. I shall look him up. I shall make a point of it. What does he mean?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He went round the monastery, and crossed the pine-wood to the hermitage. The door was opened to him, though no one was admitted at that hour. There was a tremor in his heart as he went into Father Zossima's cell.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, why, had he gone forth? Why had he sent him into the world? Here was peace. Here was holiness. But there was confusion, there was darkness in which one lost one's way and went astray at once....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the cell he found the novice Porfiry and Father Pa&#239;ssy, who came every hour to inquire after Father Zossima. Alyosha learnt with alarm that he was getting worse and worse. Even his usual discourse with the brothers could not take place that day. As a rule every evening after service the monks flocked into Father Zossima's cell, and all confessed aloud their sins of the day, their sinful thoughts and temptations; even their disputes, if there had been any. Some confessed kneeling. The elder absolved, reconciled, exhorted, imposed penance, blessed, and dismissed them. It was against this general &#8220;confession&#8221; that the opponents of &#8220;elders&#8221; protested, maintaining that it was a profanation of the sacrament of confession, almost a sacrilege, though this was quite a different thing. They even represented to the diocesan authorities that such confessions attained no good object, but actually to a large extent led to sin and temptation. Many of the brothers disliked going to the elder, and went against their own will because every one went, and for fear they should be accused of pride and rebellious ideas. People said that some of the monks agreed beforehand, saying, &#8220;I'll confess I lost my temper with you this morning, and you confirm it,&#8221; simply in order to have something to say. Alyosha knew that this actually happened sometimes. He knew, too, that there were among the monks some who deeply resented the fact that letters from relations were habitually taken to the elder, to be opened and read by him before those to whom they were addressed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was assumed, of course, that all this was done freely, and in good faith, by way of voluntary submission and salutary guidance. But, in fact, there was sometimes no little insincerity, and much that was false and strained in this practice. Yet the older and more experienced of the monks adhered to their opinion, arguing that &#8220;for those who have come within these walls sincerely seeking salvation, such obedience and sacrifice will certainly be salutary and of great benefit; those, on the other hand, who find it irksome, and repine, are no true monks, and have made a mistake in entering the monastery&#8212;their proper place is in the world. Even in the temple one cannot be safe from sin and the devil. So it was no good taking it too much into account.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is weaker, a drowsiness has come over him,&#8221; Father Pa&#239;ssy whispered to Alyosha, as he blessed him. &#8220;It's difficult to rouse him. And he must not be roused. He waked up for five minutes, sent his blessing to the brothers, and begged their prayers for him at night. He intends to take the sacrament again in the morning. He remembered you, Alexey. He asked whether you had gone away, and was told that you were in the town. &#8216;I blessed him for that work,' he said, &#8216;his place is there, not here, for awhile.' Those were his words about you. He remembered you lovingly, with anxiety; do you understand how he honored you? But how is it that he has decided that you shall spend some time in the world? He must have foreseen something in your destiny! Understand, Alexey, that if you return to the world, it must be to do the duty laid upon you by your elder, and not for frivolous vanity and worldly pleasures.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Father Pa&#239;ssy went out. Alyosha had no doubt that Father Zossima was dying, though he might live another day or two. Alyosha firmly and ardently resolved that in spite of his promises to his father, the Hohlakovs, and Katerina Ivanovna, he would not leave the monastery next day, but would remain with his elder to the end. His heart glowed with love, and he reproached himself bitterly for having been able for one instant to forget him whom he had left in the monastery on his deathbed, and whom he honored above every one in the world. He went into Father Zossima's bedroom, knelt down, and bowed to the ground before the elder, who slept quietly without stirring, with regular, hardly audible breathing and a peaceful face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha returned to the other room, where Father Zossima had received his guests in the morning. Taking off his boots, he lay down on the hard, narrow, leathern sofa, which he had long used as a bed, bringing nothing but a pillow. The mattress, about which his father had shouted to him that morning, he had long forgotten to lie on. He took off his cassock, which he used as a covering. But before going to bed, he fell on his knees and prayed a long time. In his fervent prayer he did not beseech God to lighten his darkness but only thirsted for the joyous emotion, which always visited his soul after the praise and adoration, of which his evening prayer usually consisted. That joy always brought him light untroubled sleep. As he was praying, he suddenly felt in his pocket the little pink note the servant had handed him as he left Katerina Ivanovna's. He was disturbed, but finished his prayer. Then, after some hesitation, he opened the envelope. In it was a letter to him, signed by Lise, the young daughter of Madame Hohlakov, who had laughed at him before the elder in the morning.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Alexey Fyodorovitch,&#8221; she wrote, &#8220;I am writing to you without any one's knowledge, even mamma's, and I know how wrong it is. But I cannot live without telling you the feeling that has sprung up in my heart, and this no one but us two must know for a time. But how am I to say what I want so much to tell you? Paper, they say, does not blush, but I assure you it's not true and that it's blushing just as I am now, all over. Dear Alyosha, I love you, I've loved you from my childhood, since our Moscow days, when you were very different from what you are now, and I shall love you all my life. My heart has chosen you, to unite our lives, and pass them together till our old age. Of course, on condition that you will leave the monastery. As for our age we will wait for the time fixed by the law. By that time I shall certainly be quite strong, I shall be walking and dancing. There can be no doubt of that.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see how I've thought of everything. There's only one thing I can't imagine: what you'll think of me when you read this. I'm always laughing and being naughty. I made you angry this morning, but I assure you before I took up my pen, I prayed before the Image of the Mother of God, and now I'm praying, and almost crying.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My secret is in your hands. When you come to-morrow, I don't know how I shall look at you. Ah, Alexey Fyodorovitch, what if I can't restrain myself like a silly and laugh when I look at you as I did to-day. You'll think I'm a nasty girl making fun of you, and you won't believe my letter. And so I beg you, dear one, if you've any pity for me, when you come to-morrow, don't look me straight in the face, for if I meet your eyes, it will be sure to make me laugh, especially as you'll be in that long gown. I feel cold all over when I think of it, so when you come, don't look at me at all for a time, look at mamma or at the window....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here I've written you a love-letter. Oh, dear, what have I done? Alyosha, don't despise me, and if I've done something very horrid and wounded you, forgive me. Now the secret of my reputation, ruined perhaps for ever, is in your hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall certainly cry to-day. Good-by till our meeting, our &lt;i&gt;awful&lt;/i&gt; meeting.&#8212;LISE.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;P.S.&#8212;Alyosha! You must, must, must come!&#8212;LISE.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Alyosha read the note in amazement, read it through twice, thought a little, and suddenly laughed a soft, sweet laugh. He started. That laugh seemed to him sinful. But a minute later he laughed again just as softly and happily. He slowly replaced the note in the envelope, crossed himself and lay down. The agitation in his heart passed at once. &#8220;God, have mercy upon all of them, have all these unhappy and turbulent souls in Thy keeping, and set them in the right path. All ways are Thine. Save them according to Thy wisdom. Thou art love. Thou wilt send joy to all!&#8221; Alyosha murmured, crossing himself, and falling into peaceful sleep.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTII&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART II&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;BOOKIV&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;BOOK IV. LACERATIONS&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I. FATHER FERAPONT&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Alyosha was roused early, before daybreak. Father Zossima woke up feeling very weak, though he wanted to get out of bed and sit up in a chair. His mind was quite clear; his face looked very tired, yet bright and almost joyful. It wore an expression of gayety, kindness and cordiality. &#8220;Maybe I shall not live through the coming day,&#8221; he said to Alyosha. Then he desired to confess and take the sacrament at once. He always confessed to Father Pa&#239;ssy. After taking the communion, the service of extreme unction followed. The monks assembled and the cell was gradually filled up by the inmates of the hermitage. Meantime it was daylight. People began coming from the monastery. After the service was over the elder desired to kiss and take leave of every one. As the cell was so small the earlier visitors withdrew to make room for others. Alyosha stood beside the elder, who was seated again in his arm-chair. He talked as much as he could. Though his voice was weak, it was fairly steady.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've been teaching you so many years, and therefore I've been talking aloud so many years, that I've got into the habit of talking, and so much so that it's almost more difficult for me to hold my tongue than to talk, even now, in spite of my weakness, dear Fathers and brothers,&#8221; he jested, looking with emotion at the group round him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha remembered afterwards something of what he said to them. But though he spoke out distinctly and his voice was fairly steady, his speech was somewhat disconnected. He spoke of many things, he seemed anxious before the moment of death to say everything he had not said in his life, and not simply for the sake of instructing them, but as though thirsting to share with all men and all creation his joy and ecstasy, and once more in his life to open his whole heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Love one another, Fathers,&#8221; said Father Zossima, as far as Alyosha could remember afterwards. &#8220;Love God's people. Because we have come here and shut ourselves within these walls, we are no holier than those that are outside, but on the contrary, from the very fact of coming here, each of us has confessed to himself that he is worse than others, than all men on earth.... And the longer the monk lives in his seclusion, the more keenly he must recognize that. Else he would have had no reason to come here. When he realizes that he is not only worse than others, but that he is responsible to all men for all and everything, for all human sins, national and individual, only then the aim of our seclusion is attained. For know, dear ones, that every one of us is undoubtedly responsible for all men and everything on earth, not merely through the general sinfulness of creation, but each one personally for all mankind and every individual man. This knowledge is the crown of life for the monk and for every man. For monks are not a special sort of men, but only what all men ought to be. Only through that knowledge, our heart grows soft with infinite, universal, inexhaustible love. Then every one of you will have the power to win over the whole world by love and to wash away the sins of the world with your tears.... Each of you keep watch over your heart and confess your sins to yourself unceasingly. Be not afraid of your sins, even when perceiving them, if only there be penitence, but make no conditions with God. Again I say, Be not proud. Be proud neither to the little nor to the great. Hate not those who reject you, who insult you, who abuse and slander you. Hate not the atheists, the teachers of evil, the materialists&#8212;and I mean not only the good ones&#8212;for there are many good ones among them, especially in our day&#8212;hate not even the wicked ones. Remember them in your prayers thus: Save, O Lord, all those who have none to pray for them, save too all those who will not pray. And add: it is not in pride that I make this prayer, O Lord, for I am lower than all men.... Love God's people, let not strangers draw away the flock, for if you slumber in your slothfulness and disdainful pride, or worse still, in covetousness, they will come from all sides and draw away your flock. Expound the Gospel to the people unceasingly ... be not extortionate.... Do not love gold and silver, do not hoard them.... Have faith. Cling to the banner and raise it on high.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the elder spoke more disconnectedly than Alyosha reported his words afterwards. Sometimes he broke off altogether, as though to take breath, and recover his strength, but he was in a sort of ecstasy. They heard him with emotion, though many wondered at his words and found them obscure.... Afterwards all remembered those words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Alyosha happened for a moment to leave the cell, he was struck by the general excitement and suspense in the monks who were crowding about it. This anticipation showed itself in some by anxiety, in others by devout solemnity. All were expecting that some marvel would happen immediately after the elder's death. Their suspense was, from one point of view, almost frivolous, but even the most austere of the monks were affected by it. Father Pa&#239;ssy's face looked the gravest of all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha was mysteriously summoned by a monk to see Rakitin, who had arrived from town with a singular letter for him from Madame Hohlakov. In it she informed Alyosha of a strange and very opportune incident. It appeared that among the women who had come on the previous day to receive Father Zossima's blessing, there had been an old woman from the town, a sergeant's widow, called Prohorovna. She had inquired whether she might pray for the rest of the soul of her son, Vassenka, who had gone to Irkutsk, and had sent her no news for over a year. To which Father Zossima had answered sternly, forbidding her to do so, and saying that to pray for the living as though they were dead was a kind of sorcery. He afterwards forgave her on account of her ignorance, and added, &#8220;as though reading the book of the future&#8221; (this was Madame Hohlakov's expression), words of comfort: &#8220;that her son Vassya was certainly alive and he would either come himself very shortly or send a letter, and that she was to go home and expect him.&#8221; And &#8220;Would you believe it?&#8221; exclaimed Madame Hohlakov enthusiastically, &#8220;the prophecy has been fulfilled literally indeed, and more than that.&#8221; Scarcely had the old woman reached home when they gave her a letter from Siberia which had been awaiting her. But that was not all; in the letter written on the road from Ekaterinenburg, Vassya informed his mother that he was returning to Russia with an official, and that three weeks after her receiving the letter he hoped &#8220;to embrace his mother.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Hohlakov warmly entreated Alyosha to report this new &#8220;miracle of prediction&#8221; to the Superior and all the brotherhood. &#8220;All, all, ought to know of it!&#8221; she concluded. The letter had been written in haste, the excitement of the writer was apparent in every line of it. But Alyosha had no need to tell the monks, for all knew of it already. Rakitin had commissioned the monk who brought his message &#8220;to inform most respectfully his reverence Father Pa&#239;ssy, that he, Rakitin, has a matter to speak of with him, of such gravity that he dare not defer it for a moment, and humbly begs forgiveness for his presumption.&#8221; As the monk had given the message to Father Pa&#239;ssy before that to Alyosha, the latter found after reading the letter, there was nothing left for him to do but to hand it to Father Pa&#239;ssy in confirmation of the story.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And even that austere and cautious man, though he frowned as he read the news of the &#8220;miracle,&#8221; could not completely restrain some inner emotion. His eyes gleamed, and a grave and solemn smile came into his lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We shall see greater things!&#8221; broke from him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We shall see greater things, greater things yet!&#8221; the monks around repeated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Father Pa&#239;ssy, frowning again, begged all of them, at least for a time, not to speak of the matter &#8220;till it be more fully confirmed, seeing there is so much credulity among those of this world, and indeed this might well have chanced naturally,&#8221; he added, prudently, as it were to satisfy his conscience, though scarcely believing his own disavowal, a fact his listeners very clearly perceived.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Within the hour the &#8220;miracle&#8221; was of course known to the whole monastery, and many visitors who had come for the mass. No one seemed more impressed by it than the monk who had come the day before from St. Sylvester, from the little monastery of Obdorsk in the far North. It was he who had been standing near Madame Hohlakov the previous day and had asked Father Zossima earnestly, referring to the &#8220;healing&#8221; of the lady's daughter, &#8220;How can you presume to do such things?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was now somewhat puzzled and did not know whom to believe. The evening before he had visited Father Ferapont in his cell apart, behind the apiary, and had been greatly impressed and overawed by the visit. This Father Ferapont was that aged monk so devout in fasting and observing silence who has been mentioned already, as antagonistic to Father Zossima and the whole institution of &#8220;elders,&#8221; which he regarded as a pernicious and frivolous innovation. He was a very formidable opponent, although from his practice of silence he scarcely spoke a word to any one. What made him formidable was that a number of monks fully shared his feeling, and many of the visitors looked upon him as a great saint and ascetic, although they had no doubt that he was crazy. But it was just his craziness attracted them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Father Ferapont never went to see the elder. Though he lived in the hermitage they did not worry him to keep its regulations, and this too because he behaved as though he were crazy. He was seventy-five or more, and he lived in a corner beyond the apiary in an old decaying wooden cell which had been built long ago for another great ascetic, Father Iona, who had lived to be a hundred and five, and of whose saintly doings many curious stories were still extant in the monastery and the neighborhood.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Father Ferapont had succeeded in getting himself installed in this same solitary cell seven years previously. It was simply a peasant's hut, though it looked like a chapel, for it contained an extraordinary number of ikons with lamps perpetually burning before them&#8212;which men brought to the monastery as offerings to God. Father Ferapont had been appointed to look after them and keep the lamps burning. It was said (and indeed it was true) that he ate only two pounds of bread in three days. The beekeeper, who lived close by the apiary, used to bring him the bread every three days, and even to this man who waited upon him, Father Ferapont rarely uttered a word. The four pounds of bread, together with the sacrament bread, regularly sent him on Sundays after the late mass by the Father Superior, made up his weekly rations. The water in his jug was changed every day. He rarely appeared at mass. Visitors who came to do him homage saw him sometimes kneeling all day long at prayer without looking round. If he addressed them, he was brief, abrupt, strange, and almost always rude. On very rare occasions, however, he would talk to visitors, but for the most part he would utter some one strange saying which was a complete riddle, and no entreaties would induce him to pronounce a word in explanation. He was not a priest, but a simple monk. There was a strange belief, chiefly however among the most ignorant, that Father Ferapont had communication with heavenly spirits and would only converse with them, and so was silent with men.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The monk from Obdorsk, having been directed to the apiary by the beekeeper, who was also a very silent and surly monk, went to the corner where Father Ferapont's cell stood. &#8220;Maybe he will speak as you are a stranger and maybe you'll get nothing out of him,&#8221; the beekeeper had warned him. The monk, as he related afterwards, approached in the utmost apprehension. It was rather late in the evening. Father Ferapont was sitting at the door of his cell on a low bench. A huge old elm was lightly rustling overhead. There was an evening freshness in the air. The monk from Obdorsk bowed down before the saint and asked his blessing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you want me to bow down to you, monk?&#8221; said Father Ferapont. &#8220;Get up!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The monk got up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Blessing, be blessed! Sit beside me. Where have you come from?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What most struck the poor monk was the fact that in spite of his strict fasting and great age, Father Ferapont still looked a vigorous old man. He was tall, held himself erect, and had a thin, but fresh and healthy face. There was no doubt he still had considerable strength. He was of athletic build. In spite of his great age he was not even quite gray, and still had very thick hair and a full beard, both of which had once been black. His eyes were gray, large and luminous, but strikingly prominent. He spoke with a broad accent. He was dressed in a peasant's long reddish coat of coarse convict cloth (as it used to be called) and had a stout rope round his waist. His throat and chest were bare. Beneath his coat, his shirt of the coarsest linen showed almost black with dirt, not having been changed for months. They said that he wore irons weighing thirty pounds under his coat. His stockingless feet were thrust in old slippers almost dropping to pieces.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From the little Obdorsk monastery, from St. Sylvester,&#8221; the monk answered humbly, whilst his keen and inquisitive, but rather frightened little eyes kept watch on the hermit.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have been at your Sylvester's. I used to stay there. Is Sylvester well?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The monk hesitated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are a senseless lot! How do you keep the fasts?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Our dietary is according to the ancient conventual rules. During Lent there are no meals provided for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. For Tuesday and Thursday we have white bread, stewed fruit with honey, wild berries, or salt cabbage and wholemeal stirabout. On Saturday white cabbage soup, noodles with peas, kasha, all with hemp oil. On weekdays we have dried fish and kasha with the cabbage soup. From Monday till Saturday evening, six whole days in Holy Week, nothing is cooked, and we have only bread and water, and that sparingly; if possible not taking food every day, just the same as is ordered for first week in Lent. On Good Friday nothing is eaten. In the same way on the Saturday we have to fast till three o'clock, and then take a little bread and water and drink a single cup of wine. On Holy Thursday we drink wine and have something cooked without oil or not cooked at all, inasmuch as the Laodicean council lays down for Holy Thursday: &#8216;It is unseemly by remitting the fast on the Holy Thursday to dishonor the whole of Lent!' This is how we keep the fast. But what is that compared with you, holy Father,&#8221; added the monk, growing more confident, &#8220;for all the year round, even at Easter, you take nothing but bread and water, and what we should eat in two days lasts you full seven. It's truly marvelous&#8212;your great abstinence.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And mushrooms?&#8221; asked Father Ferapont, suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mushrooms?&#8221; repeated the surprised monk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. I can give up their bread, not needing it at all, and go away into the forest and live there on the mushrooms or the berries, but they can't give up their bread here, wherefore they are in bondage to the devil. Nowadays the unclean deny that there is need of such fasting. Haughty and unclean is their judgment.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Och, true,&#8221; sighed the monk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And have you seen devils among them?&#8221; asked Ferapont.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Among them? Among whom?&#8221; asked the monk, timidly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I went to the Father Superior on Trinity Sunday last year, I haven't been since. I saw a devil sitting on one man's chest hiding under his cassock, only his horns poked out; another had one peeping out of his pocket with such sharp eyes, he was afraid of me; another settled in the unclean belly of one, another was hanging round a man's neck, and so he was carrying him about without seeing him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You&#8212;can see spirits?&#8221; the monk inquired.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I tell you I can see, I can see through them. When I was coming out from the Superior's I saw one hiding from me behind the door, and a big one, a yard and a half or more high, with a thick long gray tail, and the tip of his tail was in the crack of the door and I was quick and slammed the door, pinching his tail in it. He squealed and began to struggle, and I made the sign of the cross over him three times. And he died on the spot like a crushed spider. He must have rotted there in the corner and be stinking, but they don't see, they don't smell it. It's a year since I have been there. I reveal it to you, as you are a stranger.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your words are terrible! But, holy and blessed Father,&#8221; said the monk, growing bolder and bolder, &#8220;is it true, as they noise abroad even to distant lands about you, that you are in continual communication with the Holy Ghost?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He does fly down at times.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How does he fly down? In what form?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As a bird.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The Holy Ghost in the form of a dove?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's the Holy Ghost and there's the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit can appear as other birds&#8212;sometimes as a swallow, sometimes a goldfinch and sometimes as a blue-tit.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you know him from an ordinary tit?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He speaks.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How does he speak, in what language?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Human language.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what does he tell you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, to-day he told me that a fool would visit me and would ask me unseemly questions. You want to know too much, monk.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Terrible are your words, most holy and blessed Father,&#8221; the monk shook his head. But there was a doubtful look in his frightened little eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you see this tree?&#8221; asked Father Ferapont, after a pause.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I do, blessed Father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You think it's an elm, but for me it has another shape.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What sort of shape?&#8221; inquired the monk, after a pause of vain expectation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It happens at night. You see those two branches? In the night it is Christ holding out His arms to me and seeking me with those arms, I see it clearly and tremble. It's terrible, terrible!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is there terrible if it's Christ Himself?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, He'll snatch me up and carry me away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alive?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the spirit and glory of Elijah, haven't you heard? He will take me in His arms and bear me away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though the monk returned to the cell he was sharing with one of the brothers, in considerable perplexity of mind, he still cherished at heart a greater reverence for Father Ferapont than for Father Zossima. He was strongly in favor of fasting, and it was not strange that one who kept so rigid a fast as Father Ferapont should &#8220;see marvels.&#8221; His words seemed certainly queer, but God only could tell what was hidden in those words, and were not worse words and acts commonly seen in those who have sacrificed their intellects for the glory of God? The pinching of the devil's tail he was ready and eager to believe, and not only in the figurative sense. Besides he had, before visiting the monastery, a strong prejudice against the institution of &#8220;elders,&#8221; which he only knew of by hearsay and believed to be a pernicious innovation. Before he had been long at the monastery, he had detected the secret murmurings of some shallow brothers who disliked the institution. He was, besides, a meddlesome, inquisitive man, who poked his nose into everything. This was why the news of the fresh &#8220;miracle&#8221; performed by Father Zossima reduced him to extreme perplexity. Alyosha remembered afterwards how their inquisitive guest from Obdorsk had been continually flitting to and fro from one group to another, listening and asking questions among the monks that were crowding within and without the elder's cell. But he did not pay much attention to him at the time, and only recollected it afterwards.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had no thought to spare for it indeed, for when Father Zossima, feeling tired again, had gone back to bed, he thought of Alyosha as he was closing his eyes, and sent for him. Alyosha ran at once. There was no one else in the cell but Father Pa&#239;ssy, Father Iosif, and the novice Porfiry. The elder, opening his weary eyes and looking intently at Alyosha, asked him suddenly:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are your people expecting you, my son?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha hesitated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Haven't they need of you? Didn't you promise some one yesterday to see them to-day?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I did promise&#8212;to my father&#8212;my brothers&#8212;others too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see, you must go. Don't grieve. Be sure I shall not die without your being by to hear my last word. To you I will say that word, my son, it will be my last gift to you. To you, dear son, because you love me. But now go to keep your promise.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha immediately obeyed, though it was hard to go. But the promise that he should hear his last word on earth, that it should be the last gift to him, Alyosha, sent a thrill of rapture through his soul. He made haste that he might finish what he had to do in the town and return quickly. Father Pa&#239;ssy, too, uttered some words of exhortation which moved and surprised him greatly. He spoke as they left the cell together.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Remember, young man, unceasingly,&#8221; Father Pa&#239;ssy began, without preface, &#8220;that the science of this world, which has become a great power, has, especially in the last century, analyzed everything divine handed down to us in the holy books. After this cruel analysis the learned of this world have nothing left of all that was sacred of old. But they have only analyzed the parts and overlooked the whole, and indeed their blindness is marvelous. Yet the whole still stands steadfast before their eyes, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. Has it not lasted nineteen centuries, is it not still a living, a moving power in the individual soul and in the masses of people? It is still as strong and living even in the souls of atheists, who have destroyed everything! For even those who have renounced Christianity and attack it, in their inmost being still follow the Christian ideal, for hitherto neither their subtlety nor the ardor of their hearts has been able to create a higher ideal of man and of virtue than the ideal given by Christ of old. When it has been attempted, the result has been only grotesque. Remember this especially, young man, since you are being sent into the world by your departing elder. Maybe, remembering this great day, you will not forget my words, uttered from the heart for your guidance, seeing you are young, and the temptations of the world are great and beyond your strength to endure. Well, now go, my orphan.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With these words Father Pa&#239;ssy blessed him. As Alyosha left the monastery and thought them over, he suddenly realized that he had met a new and unexpected friend, a warmly loving teacher, in this austere monk who had hitherto treated him sternly. It was as though Father Zossima had bequeathed him to him at his death, and &#8220;perhaps that's just what had passed between them,&#8221; Alyosha thought suddenly. The philosophic reflections he had just heard so unexpectedly testified to the warmth of Father Pa&#239;ssy's heart. He was in haste to arm the boy's mind for conflict with temptation and to guard the young soul left in his charge with the strongest defense he could imagine.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II. AT HIS FATHER'S&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;First of all, Alyosha went to his father. On the way he remembered that his father had insisted the day before that he should come without his brother Ivan seeing him. &#8220;Why so?&#8221; Alyosha wondered suddenly. &#8220;Even if my father has something to say to me alone, why should I go in unseen? Most likely in his excitement yesterday he meant to say something different,&#8221; he decided. Yet he was very glad when Marfa Ignatyevna, who opened the garden gate to him (Grigory, it appeared, was ill in bed in the lodge), told him in answer to his question that Ivan Fyodorovitch had gone out two hours ago.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And my father?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is up, taking his coffee,&#8221; Marfa answered somewhat dryly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha went in. The old man was sitting alone at the table wearing slippers and a little old overcoat. He was amusing himself by looking through some accounts, rather inattentively however. He was quite alone in the house, for Smerdyakov too had gone out marketing. Though he had got up early and was trying to put a bold face on it, he looked tired and weak. His forehead, upon which huge purple bruises had come out during the night, was bandaged with a red handkerchief; his nose too had swollen terribly in the night, and some smaller bruises covered it in patches, giving his whole face a peculiarly spiteful and irritable look. The old man was aware of this, and turned a hostile glance on Alyosha as he came in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The coffee is cold,&#8221; he cried harshly; &#8220;I won't offer you any. I've ordered nothing but a Lenten fish soup to-day, and I don't invite anyone to share it. Why have you come?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To find out how you are,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. Besides, I told you to come yesterday. It's all of no consequence. You need not have troubled. But I knew you'd come poking in directly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He said this with almost hostile feeling. At the same time he got up and looked anxiously in the looking-glass (perhaps for the fortieth time that morning) at his nose. He began, too, binding his red handkerchief more becomingly on his forehead.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Red's better. It's just like the hospital in a white one,&#8221; he observed sententiously. &#8220;Well, how are things over there? How is your elder?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is very bad; he may die to-day,&#8221; answered Alyosha. But his father had not listened, and had forgotten his own question at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan's gone out,&#8221; he said suddenly. &#8220;He is doing his utmost to carry off Mitya's betrothed. That's what he is staying here for,&#8221; he added maliciously, and, twisting his mouth, looked at Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Surely he did not tell you so?&#8221; asked Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he did, long ago. Would you believe it, he told me three weeks ago? You don't suppose he too came to murder me, do you? He must have had some object in coming.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean? Why do you say such things?&#8221; said Alyosha, troubled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He doesn't ask for money, it's true, but yet he won't get a farthing from me. I intend living as long as possible, you may as well know, my dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, and so I need every farthing, and the longer I live, the more I shall need it,&#8221; he continued, pacing from one corner of the room to the other, keeping his hands in the pockets of his loose greasy overcoat made of yellow cotton material. &#8220;I can still pass for a man at five and fifty, but I want to pass for one for another twenty years. As I get older, you know, I shan't be a pretty object. The wenches won't come to me of their own accord, so I shall want my money. So I am saving up more and more, simply for myself, my dear son Alexey Fyodorovitch. You may as well know. For I mean to go on in my sins to the end, let me tell you. For sin is sweet; all abuse it, but all men live in it, only others do it on the sly, and I openly. And so all the other sinners fall upon me for being so simple. And your paradise, Alexey Fyodorovitch, is not to my taste, let me tell you that; and it's not the proper place for a gentleman, your paradise, even if it exists. I believe that I fall asleep and don't wake up again, and that's all. You can pray for my soul if you like. And if you don't want to, don't, damn you! That's my philosophy. Ivan talked well here yesterday, though we were all drunk. Ivan is a conceited coxcomb, but he has no particular learning ... nor education either. He sits silent and smiles at one without speaking&#8212;that's what pulls him through.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha listened to him in silence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why won't he talk to me? If he does speak, he gives himself airs. Your Ivan is a scoundrel! And I'll marry Grushenka in a minute if I want to. For if you've money, Alexey Fyodorovitch, you have only to want a thing and you can have it. That's what Ivan is afraid of, he is on the watch to prevent me getting married and that's why he is egging on Mitya to marry Grushenka himself. He hopes to keep me from Grushenka by that (as though I should leave him my money if I don't marry her!). Besides if Mitya marries Grushenka, Ivan will carry off his rich betrothed, that's what he's reckoning on! He is a scoundrel, your Ivan!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How cross you are! It's because of yesterday; you had better lie down,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There! you say that,&#8221; the old man observed suddenly, as though it had struck him for the first time, &#8220;and I am not angry with you. But if Ivan said it, I should be angry with him. It is only with you I have good moments, else you know I am an ill-natured man.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are not ill-natured, but distorted,&#8221; said Alyosha with a smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen. I meant this morning to get that ruffian Mitya locked up and I don't know now what I shall decide about it. Of course in these fashionable days fathers and mothers are looked upon as a prejudice, but even now the law does not allow you to drag your old father about by the hair, to kick him in the face in his own house, and brag of murdering him outright&#8212;all in the presence of witnesses. If I liked, I could crush him and could have him locked up at once for what he did yesterday.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then you don't mean to take proceedings?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan has dissuaded me. I shouldn't care about Ivan, but there's another thing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And bending down to Alyosha, he went on in a confidential half-whisper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If I send the ruffian to prison, she'll hear of it and run to see him at once. But if she hears that he has beaten me, a weak old man, within an inch of my life, she may give him up and come to me.... For that's her way, everything by contraries. I know her through and through! Won't you have a drop of brandy? Take some cold coffee and I'll pour a quarter of a glass of brandy into it, it's delicious, my boy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, thank you. I'll take that roll with me if I may,&#8221; said Alyosha, and taking a halfpenny French roll he put it in the pocket of his cassock. &#8220;And you'd better not have brandy, either,&#8221; he suggested apprehensively, looking into the old man's face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are quite right, it irritates my nerves instead of soothing them. Only one little glass. I'll get it out of the cupboard.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He unlocked the cupboard, poured out a glass, drank it, then locked the cupboard and put the key back in his pocket.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's enough. One glass won't kill me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see you are in a better humor now,&#8221; said Alyosha, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Um! I love you even without the brandy, but with scoundrels I am a scoundrel. Ivan is not going to Tchermashnya&#8212;why is that? He wants to spy how much I give Grushenka if she comes. They are all scoundrels! But I don't recognize Ivan, I don't know him at all. Where does he come from? He is not one of us in soul. As though I'd leave him anything! I shan't leave a will at all, you may as well know. And I'll crush Mitya like a beetle. I squash black-beetles at night with my slipper; they squelch when you tread on them. And your Mitya will squelch too. &lt;i&gt;Your&lt;/i&gt; Mitya, for you love him. Yes, you love him and I am not afraid of your loving him. But if Ivan loved him I should be afraid for myself at his loving him. But Ivan loves nobody. Ivan is not one of us. People like Ivan are not our sort, my boy. They are like a cloud of dust. When the wind blows, the dust will be gone.... I had a silly idea in my head when I told you to come to-day; I wanted to find out from you about Mitya. If I were to hand him over a thousand or maybe two now, would the beggarly wretch agree to take himself off altogether for five years or, better still, thirty-five, and without Grushenka, and give her up once for all, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I&#8212;I'll ask him,&#8221; muttered Alyosha. &#8220;If you would give him three thousand, perhaps he&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's nonsense! You needn't ask him now, no need! I've changed my mind. It was a nonsensical idea of mine. I won't give him anything, not a penny, I want my money myself,&#8221; cried the old man, waving his hand. &#8220;I'll crush him like a beetle without it. Don't say anything to him or else he will begin hoping. There's nothing for you to do here, you needn't stay. Is that betrothed of his, Katerina Ivanovna, whom he has kept so carefully hidden from me all this time, going to marry him or not? You went to see her yesterday, I believe?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing will induce her to abandon him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There you see how dearly these fine young ladies love a rake and a scoundrel. They are poor creatures I tell you, those pale young ladies, very different from&#8212;Ah, if I had his youth and the looks I had then (for I was better-looking than he at eight and twenty) I'd have been a conquering hero just as he is. He is a low cad! But he shan't have Grushenka, anyway, he shan't! I'll crush him!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His anger had returned with the last words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You can go. There's nothing for you to do here to-day,&#8221; he snapped harshly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha went up to say good-by to him, and kissed him on the shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's that for?&#8221; The old man was a little surprised. &#8220;We shall see each other again, or do you think we shan't?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not at all, I didn't mean anything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nor did I, I did not mean anything,&#8221; said the old man, looking at him. &#8220;Listen, listen,&#8221; he shouted after him, &#8220;make haste and come again and I'll have a fish soup for you, a fine one, not like to-day. Be sure to come! Come to-morrow, do you hear, to-morrow!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And as soon as Alyosha had gone out of the door, he went to the cupboard again and poured out another half-glass.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I won't have more!&#8221; he muttered, clearing his throat, and again he locked the cupboard and put the key in his pocket. Then he went into his bedroom, lay down on the bed, exhausted, and in one minute he was asleep.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III. A MEETING WITH THE SCHOOLBOYS&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Thank goodness he did not ask me about Grushenka,&#8221; thought Alyosha, as he left his father's house and turned towards Madame Hohlakov's, &#8220;or I might have to tell him of my meeting with Grushenka yesterday.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha felt painfully that since yesterday both combatants had renewed their energies, and that their hearts had grown hard again. &#8220;Father is spiteful and angry, he's made some plan and will stick to it. And what of Dmitri? He too will be harder than yesterday, he too must be spiteful and angry, and he too, no doubt, has made some plan. Oh, I must succeed in finding him to-day, whatever happens.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Alyosha had not long to meditate. An incident occurred on the road, which, though apparently of little consequence, made a great impression on him. Just after he had crossed the square and turned the corner coming out into Mihailovsky Street, which is divided by a small ditch from the High Street (our whole town is intersected by ditches), he saw a group of schoolboys between the ages of nine and twelve, at the bridge. They were going home from school, some with their bags on their shoulders, others with leather satchels slung across them, some in short jackets, others in little overcoats. Some even had those high boots with creases round the ankles, such as little boys spoilt by rich fathers love to wear. The whole group was talking eagerly about something, apparently holding a council. Alyosha had never from his Moscow days been able to pass children without taking notice of them, and although he was particularly fond of children of three or thereabout, he liked schoolboys of ten and eleven too. And so, anxious as he was to-day, he wanted at once to turn aside to talk to them. He looked into their excited rosy faces, and noticed at once that all the boys had stones in their hands. Behind the ditch some thirty paces away, there was another schoolboy standing by a fence. He too had a satchel at his side. He was about ten years old, pale, delicate-looking and with sparkling black eyes. He kept an attentive and anxious watch on the other six, obviously his schoolfellows with whom he had just come out of school, but with whom he had evidently had a feud.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha went up and, addressing a fair, curly-headed, rosy boy in a black jacket, observed:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When I used to wear a satchel like yours, I always used to carry it on my left side, so as to have my right hand free, but you've got yours on your right side. So it will be awkward for you to get at it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha had no art or premeditation in beginning with this practical remark. But it is the only way for a grown-up person to get at once into confidential relations with a child, or still more with a group of children. One must begin in a serious, businesslike way so as to be on a perfectly equal footing. Alyosha understood it by instinct.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But he is left-handed,&#8221; another, a fine healthy-looking boy of eleven, answered promptly. All the others stared at Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He even throws stones with his left hand,&#8221; observed a third.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that instant a stone flew into the group, but only just grazed the left-handed boy, though it was well and vigorously thrown by the boy standing the other side of the ditch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give it him, hit him back, Smurov,&#8221; they all shouted. But Smurov, the left-handed boy, needed no telling, and at once revenged himself; he threw a stone, but it missed the boy and hit the ground. The boy the other side of the ditch, the pocket of whose coat was visibly bulging with stones, flung another stone at the group; this time it flew straight at Alyosha and hit him painfully on the shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He aimed it at you, he meant it for you. You are Karamazov, Karamazov!&#8221; the boys shouted, laughing. &#8220;Come, all throw at him at once!&#8221; and six stones flew at the boy. One struck the boy on the head and he fell down, but at once leapt up and began ferociously returning their fire. Both sides threw stones incessantly. Many of the group had their pockets full too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you about! Aren't you ashamed? Six against one! Why, you'll kill him,&#8221; cried Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He ran forward and met the flying stones to screen the solitary boy. Three or four ceased throwing for a minute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He began first!&#8221; cried a boy in a red shirt in an angry childish voice. &#8220;He is a beast, he stabbed Krassotkin in class the other day with a penknife. It bled. Krassotkin wouldn't tell tales, but he must be thrashed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what for? I suppose you tease him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There, he sent a stone in your back again, he knows you,&#8221; cried the children. &#8220;It's you he is throwing at now, not us. Come, all of you, at him again, don't miss, Smurov!&#8221; and again a fire of stones, and a very vicious one, began. The boy the other side of the ditch was hit in the chest; he screamed, began to cry and ran away uphill towards Mihailovsky Street. They all shouted: &#8220;Aha, he is funking, he is running away. Wisp of tow!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't know what a beast he is, Karamazov, killing is too good for him,&#8221; said the boy in the jacket, with flashing eyes. He seemed to be the eldest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's wrong with him?&#8221; asked Alyosha, &#8220;is he a tell-tale or what?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The boys looked at one another as though derisively.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you going that way, to Mihailovsky?&#8221; the same boy went on. &#8220;Catch him up.... You see he's stopped again, he is waiting and looking at you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is looking at you,&#8221; the other boys chimed in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You ask him, does he like a disheveled wisp of tow. Do you hear, ask him that!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a general burst of laughter. Alyosha looked at them, and they at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't go near him, he'll hurt you,&#8221; cried Smurov in a warning voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shan't ask him about the wisp of tow, for I expect you tease him with that question somehow. But I'll find out from him why you hate him so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Find out then, find out,&#8221; cried the boys, laughing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha crossed the bridge and walked uphill by the fence, straight towards the boy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'd better look out,&#8221; the boys called after him; &#8220;he won't be afraid of you. He will stab you in a minute, on the sly, as he did Krassotkin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The boy waited for him without budging. Coming up to him, Alyosha saw facing him a child of about nine years old. He was an undersized weakly boy with a thin pale face, with large dark eyes that gazed at him vindictively. He was dressed in a rather shabby old overcoat, which he had monstrously outgrown. His bare arms stuck out beyond his sleeves. There was a large patch on the right knee of his trousers, and in his right boot just at the toe there was a big hole in the leather, carefully blackened with ink. Both the pockets of his great-coat were weighed down with stones. Alyosha stopped two steps in front of him, looking inquiringly at him. The boy, seeing at once from Alyosha's eyes that he wouldn't beat him, became less defiant, and addressed him first.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am alone, and there are six of them. I'll beat them all, alone!&#8221; he said suddenly, with flashing eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think one of the stones must have hurt you badly,&#8221; observed Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I hit Smurov on the head!&#8221; cried the boy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They told me that you know me, and that you threw a stone at me on purpose,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The boy looked darkly at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know you. Do you know me?&#8221; Alyosha continued.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let me alone!&#8221; the boy cried irritably; but he did not move, as though he were expecting something, and again there was a vindictive light in his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well, I am going,&#8221; said Alyosha; &#8220;only I don't know you and I don't tease you. They told me how they tease you, but I don't want to tease you. Good-by!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Monk in silk trousers!&#8221; cried the boy, following Alyosha with the same vindictive and defiant expression, and he threw himself into an attitude of defense, feeling sure that now Alyosha would fall upon him; but Alyosha turned, looked at him, and walked away. He had not gone three steps before the biggest stone the boy had in his pocket hit him a painful blow in the back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you'll hit a man from behind! They tell the truth, then, when they say that you attack on the sly,&#8221; said Alyosha, turning round again. This time the boy threw a stone savagely right into Alyosha's face; but Alyosha just had time to guard himself, and the stone struck him on the elbow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aren't you ashamed? What have I done to you?&#8221; he cried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The boy waited in silent defiance, certain that now Alyosha would attack him. Seeing that even now he would not, his rage was like a little wild beast's; he flew at Alyosha himself, and before Alyosha had time to move, the spiteful child had seized his left hand with both of his and bit his middle finger. He fixed his teeth in it and it was ten seconds before he let go. Alyosha cried out with pain and pulled his finger away with all his might. The child let go at last and retreated to his former distance. Alyosha's finger had been badly bitten to the bone, close to the nail; it began to bleed. Alyosha took out his handkerchief and bound it tightly round his injured hand. He was a full minute bandaging it. The boy stood waiting all the time. At last Alyosha raised his gentle eyes and looked at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well,&#8221; he said, &#8220;you see how badly you've bitten me. That's enough, isn't it? Now tell me, what have I done to you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The boy stared in amazement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Though I don't know you and it's the first time I've seen you,&#8221; Alyosha went on with the same serenity, &#8220;yet I must have done something to you&#8212;you wouldn't have hurt me like this for nothing. So what have I done? How have I wronged you, tell me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Instead of answering, the boy broke into a loud tearful wail and ran away. Alyosha walked slowly after him towards Mihailovsky Street, and for a long time he saw the child running in the distance as fast as ever, not turning his head, and no doubt still keeping up his tearful wail. He made up his mind to find him out as soon as he had time, and to solve this mystery. Just now he had not the time.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV. AT THE HOHLAKOVS'&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Alyosha soon reached Madame Hohlakov's house, a handsome stone house of two stories, one of the finest in our town. Though Madame Hohlakov spent most of her time in another province where she had an estate, or in Moscow, where she had a house of her own, yet she had a house in our town too, inherited from her forefathers. The estate in our district was the largest of her three estates, yet she had been very little in our province before this time. She ran out to Alyosha in the hall.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did you get my letter about the new miracle?&#8221; She spoke rapidly and nervously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did you show it to every one? He restored the son to his mother!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is dying to-day,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have heard, I know, oh, how I long to talk to you, to you or some one, about all this. No, to you, to you! And how sorry I am I can't see him! The whole town is in excitement, they are all suspense. But now&#8212;do you know Katerina Ivanovna is here now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, that's lucky,&#8221; cried Alyosha. &#8220;Then I shall see her here. She told me yesterday to be sure to come and see her to-day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know, I know all. I've heard exactly what happened yesterday&#8212;and the atrocious behavior of that&#8212;creature. &lt;i&gt;C'est tragique&lt;/i&gt;, and if I'd been in her place I don't know what I should have done. And your brother Dmitri Fyodorovitch, what do you think of him?&#8212;my goodness! Alexey Fyodorovitch, I am forgetting, only fancy; your brother is in there with her, not that dreadful brother who was so shocking yesterday, but the other, Ivan Fyodorovitch, he is sitting with her talking; they are having a serious conversation. If you could only imagine what's passing between them now&#8212;it's awful, I tell you it's lacerating, it's like some incredible tale of horror. They are ruining their lives for no reason anyone can see. They both recognize it and revel in it. I've been watching for you! I've been thirsting for you! It's too much for me, that's the worst of it. I'll tell you all about it presently, but now I must speak of something else, the most important thing&#8212;I had quite forgotten what's most important. Tell me, why has Lise been in hysterics? As soon as she heard you were here, she began to be hysterical!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Maman, it's you who are hysterical now, not I,&#8221; Lise's voice caroled through a tiny crack of the door at the side. Her voice sounded as though she wanted to laugh, but was doing her utmost to control it. Alyosha at once noticed the crack, and no doubt Lise was peeping through it, but that he could not see.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And no wonder, Lise, no wonder ... your caprices will make me hysterical too. But she is so ill, Alexey Fyodorovitch, she has been so ill all night, feverish and moaning! I could hardly wait for the morning and for Herzenstube to come. He says that he can make nothing of it, that we must wait. Herzenstube always comes and says that he can make nothing of it. As soon as you approached the house, she screamed, fell into hysterics, and insisted on being wheeled back into this room here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma, I didn't know he had come. It wasn't on his account I wanted to be wheeled into this room.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's not true, Lise, Yulia ran to tell you that Alexey Fyodorovitch was coming. She was on the look-out for you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My darling mamma, it's not at all clever of you. But if you want to make up for it and say something very clever, dear mamma, you'd better tell our honored visitor, Alexey Fyodorovitch, that he has shown his want of wit by venturing to us after what happened yesterday and although every one is laughing at him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lise, you go too far. I declare I shall have to be severe. Who laughs at him? I am so glad he has come, I need him, I can't do without him. Oh, Alexey Fyodorovitch, I am exceedingly unhappy!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what's the matter with you, mamma, darling?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, your caprices, Lise, your fidgetiness, your illness, that awful night of fever, that awful everlasting Herzenstube, everlasting, everlasting, that's the worst of it! Everything, in fact, everything.... Even that miracle, too! Oh, how it has upset me, how it has shattered me, that miracle, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch! And that tragedy in the drawing-room, it's more than I can bear, I warn you. I can't bear it. A comedy, perhaps, not a tragedy. Tell me, will Father Zossima live till to-morrow, will he? Oh, my God! What is happening to me? Every minute I close my eyes and see that it's all nonsense, all nonsense.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should be very grateful,&#8221; Alyosha interrupted suddenly, &#8220;if you could give me a clean rag to bind up my finger with. I have hurt it, and it's very painful.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha unbound his bitten finger. The handkerchief was soaked with blood. Madame Hohlakov screamed and shut her eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good heavens, what a wound, how awful!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But as soon as Lise saw Alyosha's finger through the crack, she flung the door wide open.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, come here,&#8221; she cried, imperiously. &#8220;No nonsense now! Good heavens, why did you stand there saying nothing about it all this time? He might have bled to death, mamma! How did you do it? Water, water! You must wash it first of all, simply hold it in cold water to stop the pain, and keep it there, keep it there.... Make haste, mamma, some water in a slop-basin. But do make haste,&#8221; she finished nervously. She was quite frightened at the sight of Alyosha's wound.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Shouldn't we send for Herzenstube?&#8221; cried Madame Hohlakov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma, you'll be the death of me. Your Herzenstube will come and say that he can make nothing of it! Water, water! Mamma, for goodness' sake go yourself and hurry Yulia, she is such a slowcoach and never can come quickly! Make haste, mamma, or I shall die.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, it's nothing much,&#8221; cried Alyosha, frightened at this alarm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yulia ran in with water and Alyosha put his finger in it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Some lint, mamma, for mercy's sake, bring some lint and that muddy caustic lotion for wounds, what's it called? We've got some. You know where the bottle is, mamma; it's in your bedroom in the right-hand cupboard, there's a big bottle of it there with the lint.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll bring everything in a minute, Lise, only don't scream and don't fuss. You see how bravely Alexey Fyodorovitch bears it. Where did you get such a dreadful wound, Alexey Fyodorovitch?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Hohlakov hastened away. This was all Lise was waiting for.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;First of all, answer the question, where did you get hurt like this?&#8221; she asked Alyosha, quickly. &#8220;And then I'll talk to you about something quite different. Well?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Instinctively feeling that the time of her mother's absence was precious for her, Alyosha hastened to tell her of his enigmatic meeting with the schoolboys in the fewest words possible. Lise clasped her hands at his story.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How can you, and in that dress too, associate with schoolboys?&#8221; she cried angrily, as though she had a right to control him. &#8220;You are nothing but a boy yourself if you can do that, a perfect boy! But you must find out for me about that horrid boy and tell me all about it, for there's some mystery in it. Now for the second thing, but first a question: does the pain prevent you talking about utterly unimportant things, but talking sensibly?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course not, and I don't feel much pain now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's because your finger is in the water. It must be changed directly, for it will get warm in a minute. Yulia, bring some ice from the cellar and another basin of water. Now she is gone, I can speak; will you give me the letter I sent you yesterday, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch&#8212;be quick, for mamma will be back in a minute and I don't want&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I haven't got the letter.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's not true, you have. I knew you would say that. You've got it in that pocket. I've been regretting that joke all night. Give me back the letter at once, give it me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've left it at home.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you can't consider me as a child, a little girl, after that silly joke! I beg your pardon for that silliness, but you must bring me the letter, if you really haven't got it&#8212;bring it to-day, you must, you must.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To-day I can't possibly, for I am going back to the monastery and I shan't come and see you for the next two days&#8212;three or four perhaps&#8212;for Father Zossima&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Four days, what nonsense! Listen. Did you laugh at me very much?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I didn't laugh at all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Because I believed all you said.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are insulting me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not at all. As soon as I read it, I thought that all that would come to pass, for as soon as Father Zossima dies, I am to leave the monastery. Then I shall go back and finish my studies, and when you reach the legal age we will be married. I shall love you. Though I haven't had time to think about it, I believe I couldn't find a better wife than you, and Father Zossima tells me I must marry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I am a cripple, wheeled about in a chair,&#8221; laughed Lise, flushing crimson.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll wheel you about myself, but I'm sure you'll get well by then.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you are mad,&#8221; said Lise, nervously, &#8220;to make all this nonsense out of a joke! Here's mamma, very &lt;i&gt;&#224; propos&lt;/i&gt;, perhaps. Mamma, how slow you always are, how can you be so long! And here's Yulia with the ice!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Lise, don't scream, above all things don't scream. That scream drives me ... How can I help it when you put the lint in another place? I've been hunting and hunting&#8212;I do believe you did it on purpose.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I couldn't tell that he would come with a bad finger, or else perhaps I might have done it on purpose. My darling mamma, you begin to say really witty things.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never mind my being witty, but I must say you show nice feeling for Alexey Fyodorovitch's sufferings! Oh, my dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, what's killing me is no one thing in particular, not Herzenstube, but everything together, that's what is too much for me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's enough, mamma, enough about Herzenstube,&#8221; Lise laughed gayly. &#8220;Make haste with the lint and the lotion, mamma. That's simply Goulard's water, Alexey Fyodorovitch, I remember the name now, but it's a splendid lotion. Would you believe it, mamma, on the way here he had a fight with the boys in the street, and it was a boy bit his finger, isn't he a child, a child himself? Is he fit to be married after that? For only fancy, he wants to be married, mamma. Just think of him married, wouldn't it be funny, wouldn't it be awful?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Lise kept laughing her thin hysterical giggle, looking slyly at Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why married, Lise? What makes you talk of such a thing? It's quite out of place&#8212;and perhaps the boy was rabid.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, mamma! As though there were rabid boys!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not, Lise, as though I had said something stupid! Your boy might have been bitten by a mad dog and he would become mad and bite anyone near him. How well she has bandaged it, Alexey Fyodorovitch! I couldn't have done it. Do you still feel the pain?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's nothing much now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't feel afraid of water?&#8221; asked Lise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, that's enough, Lise, perhaps I really was rather too quick talking of the boy being rabid, and you pounced upon it at once Katerina Ivanovna has only just heard that you are here, Alexey Fyodorovitch, she simply rushed at me, she's dying to see you, dying!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ach, mamma, go to them yourself. He can't go just now, he is in too much pain.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not at all, I can go quite well,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What! You are going away? Is that what you say?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, when I've seen them, I'll come back here and we can talk as much as you like. But I should like to see Katerina Ivanovna at once, for I am very anxious to be back at the monastery as soon as I can.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma, take him away quickly. Alexey Fyodorovitch, don't trouble to come and see me afterwards, but go straight back to your monastery and a good riddance. I want to sleep, I didn't sleep all night.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, Lise, you are only making fun, but how I wish you would sleep!&#8221; cried Madame Hohlakov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know what I've done.... I'll stay another three minutes, five if you like,&#8221; muttered Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Even five! Do take him away quickly, mamma, he is a monster.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lise, you are crazy. Let us go, Alexey Fyodorovitch, she is too capricious to-day. I am afraid to cross her. Oh, the trouble one has with nervous girls! Perhaps she really will be able to sleep after seeing you. How quickly you have made her sleepy, and how fortunate it is!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, mamma, how sweetly you talk! I must kiss you for it, mamma.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I kiss you too, Lise. Listen, Alexey Fyodorovitch,&#8221; Madame Hohlakov began mysteriously and importantly, speaking in a rapid whisper. &#8220;I don't want to suggest anything, I don't want to lift the veil, you will see for yourself what's going on. It's appalling. It's the most fantastic farce. She loves your brother, Ivan, and she is doing her utmost to persuade herself she loves your brother, Dmitri. It's appalling! I'll go in with you, and if they don't turn me out, I'll stay to the end.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V. A LACERATION IN THE DRAWING-ROOM&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But in the drawing-room the conversation was already over. Katerina Ivanovna was greatly excited, though she looked resolute. At the moment Alyosha and Madame Hohlakov entered, Ivan Fyodorovitch stood up to take leave. His face was rather pale, and Alyosha looked at him anxiously. For this moment was to solve a doubt, a harassing enigma which had for some time haunted Alyosha. During the preceding month it had been several times suggested to him that his brother Ivan was in love with Katerina Ivanovna, and, what was more, that he meant &#8220;to carry her off&#8221; from Dmitri. Until quite lately the idea seemed to Alyosha monstrous, though it worried him extremely. He loved both his brothers, and dreaded such rivalry between them. Meantime, Dmitri had said outright on the previous day that he was glad that Ivan was his rival, and that it was a great assistance to him, Dmitri. In what way did it assist him? To marry Grushenka? But that Alyosha considered the worst thing possible. Besides all this, Alyosha had till the evening before implicitly believed that Katerina Ivanovna had a steadfast and passionate love for Dmitri; but he had only believed it till the evening before. He had fancied, too, that she was incapable of loving a man like Ivan, and that she did love Dmitri, and loved him just as he was, in spite of all the strangeness of such a passion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But during yesterday's scene with Grushenka another idea had struck him. The word &#8220;lacerating,&#8221; which Madame Hohlakov had just uttered, almost made him start, because half waking up towards daybreak that night he had cried out &#8220;Laceration, laceration,&#8221; probably applying it to his dream. He had been dreaming all night of the previous day's scene at Katerina Ivanovna's. Now Alyosha was impressed by Madame Hohlakov's blunt and persistent assertion that Katerina Ivanovna was in love with Ivan, and only deceived herself through some sort of pose, from &#8220;self-laceration,&#8221; and tortured herself by her pretended love for Dmitri from some fancied duty of gratitude. &#8220;Yes,&#8221; he thought, &#8220;perhaps the whole truth lies in those words.&#8221; But in that case what was Ivan's position? Alyosha felt instinctively that a character like Katerina Ivanovna's must dominate, and she could only dominate some one like Dmitri, and never a man like Ivan. For Dmitri might at last submit to her domination &#8220;to his own happiness&#8221; (which was what Alyosha would have desired), but Ivan&#8212;no, Ivan could not submit to her, and such submission would not give him happiness. Alyosha could not help believing that of Ivan. And now all these doubts and reflections flitted through his mind as he entered the drawing-room. Another idea, too, forced itself upon him: &#8220;What if she loved neither of them&#8212;neither Ivan nor Dmitri?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It must be noted that Alyosha felt as it were ashamed of his own thoughts and blamed himself when they kept recurring to him during the last month. &#8220;What do I know about love and women and how can I decide such questions?&#8221; he thought reproachfully, after such doubts and surmises. And yet it was impossible not to think about it. He felt instinctively that this rivalry was of immense importance in his brothers' lives and that a great deal depended upon it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One reptile will devour the other,&#8221; Ivan had pronounced the day before, speaking in anger of his father and Dmitri. So Ivan looked upon Dmitri as a reptile, and perhaps had long done so. Was it perhaps since he had known Katerina Ivanovna? That phrase had, of course, escaped Ivan unawares yesterday, but that only made it more important. If he felt like that, what chance was there of peace? Were there not, on the contrary, new grounds for hatred and hostility in their family? And with which of them was Alyosha to sympathize? And what was he to wish for each of them? He loved them both, but what could he desire for each in the midst of these conflicting interests? He might go quite astray in this maze, and Alyosha's heart could not endure uncertainty, because his love was always of an active character. He was incapable of passive love. If he loved any one, he set to work at once to help him. And to do so he must know what he was aiming at; he must know for certain what was best for each, and having ascertained this it was natural for him to help them both. But instead of a definite aim, he found nothing but uncertainty and perplexity on all sides. &#8220;It was lacerating,&#8221; as was said just now. But what could he understand even in this &#8220;laceration&#8221;? He did not understand the first word in this perplexing maze.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seeing Alyosha, Katerina Ivanovna said quickly and joyfully to Ivan, who had already got up to go, &#8220;A minute! Stay another minute! I want to hear the opinion of this person here whom I trust absolutely. Don't go away,&#8221; she added, addressing Madame Hohlakov. She made Alyosha sit down beside her, and Madame Hohlakov sat opposite, by Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are all my friends here, all I have in the world, my dear friends,&#8221; she began warmly, in a voice which quivered with genuine tears of suffering, and Alyosha's heart warmed to her at once. &#8220;You, Alexey Fyodorovitch, were witness yesterday of that abominable scene, and saw what I did. You did not see it, Ivan Fyodorovitch, he did. What he thought of me yesterday I don't know. I only know one thing, that if it were repeated to-day, this minute, I should express the same feelings again as yesterday&#8212;the same feelings, the same words, the same actions. You remember my actions, Alexey Fyodorovitch; you checked me in one of them&#8221; ... (as she said that, she flushed and her eyes shone). &#8220;I must tell you that I can't get over it. Listen, Alexey Fyodorovitch. I don't even know whether I still love &lt;i&gt;him&lt;/i&gt;. I feel &lt;i&gt;pity&lt;/i&gt; for him, and that is a poor sign of love. If I loved him, if I still loved him, perhaps I shouldn't be sorry for him now, but should hate him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her voice quivered, and tears glittered on her eyelashes. Alyosha shuddered inwardly. &#8220;That girl is truthful and sincere,&#8221; he thought, &#8220;and she does not love Dmitri any more.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's true, that's true,&#8221; cried Madame Hohlakov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wait, dear. I haven't told you the chief, the final decision I came to during the night. I feel that perhaps my decision is a terrible one&#8212;for me, but I foresee that nothing will induce me to change it&#8212;nothing. It will be so all my life. My dear, kind, ever-faithful and generous adviser, the one friend I have in the world, Ivan Fyodorovitch, with his deep insight into the heart, approves and commends my decision. He knows it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I approve of it,&#8221; Ivan assented, in a subdued but firm voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I should like Alyosha, too (Ah! Alexey Fyodorovitch, forgive my calling you simply Alyosha), I should like Alexey Fyodorovitch, too, to tell me before my two friends whether I am right. I feel instinctively that you, Alyosha, my dear brother (for you are a dear brother to me),&#8221; she said again ecstatically, taking his cold hand in her hot one, &#8220;I foresee that your decision, your approval, will bring me peace, in spite of all my sufferings, for, after your words, I shall be calm and submit&#8212;I feel that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know what you are asking me,&#8221; said Alyosha, flushing. &#8220;I only know that I love you and at this moment wish for your happiness more than my own!... But I know nothing about such affairs,&#8221; something impelled him to add hurriedly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In such affairs, Alexey Fyodorovitch, in such affairs, the chief thing is honor and duty and something higher&#8212;I don't know what&#8212;but higher perhaps even than duty. I am conscious of this irresistible feeling in my heart, and it compels me irresistibly. But it may all be put in two words. I've already decided, even if he marries that&#8212;creature,&#8221; she began solemnly, &#8220;whom I never, never can forgive, &lt;i&gt;even then I will not abandon him&lt;/i&gt;. Henceforward I will never, never abandon him!&#8221; she cried, breaking into a sort of pale, hysterical ecstasy. &#8220;Not that I would run after him continually, get in his way and worry him. Oh, no! I will go away to another town&#8212;where you like&#8212;but I will watch over him all my life&#8212;I will watch over him all my life unceasingly. When he becomes unhappy with that woman, and that is bound to happen quite soon, let him come to me and he will find a friend, a sister.... Only a sister, of course, and so for ever; but he will learn at least that that sister is really his sister, who loves him and has sacrificed all her life to him. I will gain my point. I will insist on his knowing me and confiding entirely in me, without reserve,&#8221; she cried, in a sort of frenzy. &#8220;I will be a god to whom he can pray&#8212;and that, at least, he owes me for his treachery and for what I suffered yesterday through him. And let him see that all my life I will be true to him and the promise I gave him, in spite of his being untrue and betraying me. I will&#8212;I will become nothing but a means for his happiness, or&#8212;how shall I say?&#8212;an instrument, a machine for his happiness, and that for my whole life, my whole life, and that he may see that all his life! That's my decision. Ivan Fyodorovitch fully approves me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was breathless. She had perhaps intended to express her idea with more dignity, art and naturalness, but her speech was too hurried and crude. It was full of youthful impulsiveness, it betrayed that she was still smarting from yesterday's insult, and that her pride craved satisfaction. She felt this herself. Her face suddenly darkened, an unpleasant look came into her eyes. Alyosha at once saw it and felt a pang of sympathy. His brother Ivan made it worse by adding:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've only expressed my own view,&#8221; he said. &#8220;From anyone else, this would have been affected and overstrained, but from you&#8212;no. Any other woman would have been wrong, but you are right. I don't know how to explain it, but I see that you are absolutely genuine and, therefore, you are right.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But that's only for the moment. And what does this moment stand for? Nothing but yesterday's insult.&#8221; Madame Hohlakov obviously had not intended to interfere, but she could not refrain from this very just comment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quite so, quite so,&#8221; cried Ivan, with peculiar eagerness, obviously annoyed at being interrupted, &#8220;in anyone else this moment would be only due to yesterday's impression and would be only a moment. But with Katerina Ivanovna's character, that moment will last all her life. What for anyone else would be only a promise is for her an everlasting burdensome, grim perhaps, but unflagging duty. And she will be sustained by the feeling of this duty being fulfilled. Your life, Katerina Ivanovna, will henceforth be spent in painful brooding over your own feelings, your own heroism, and your own suffering; but in the end that suffering will be softened and will pass into sweet contemplation of the fulfillment of a bold and proud design. Yes, proud it certainly is, and desperate in any case, but a triumph for you. And the consciousness of it will at last be a source of complete satisfaction and will make you resigned to everything else.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This was unmistakably said with some malice and obviously with intention; even perhaps with no desire to conceal that he spoke ironically and with intention.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, dear, how mistaken it all is!&#8221; Madame Hohlakov cried again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alexey Fyodorovitch, speak! I want dreadfully to know what you will say!&#8221; cried Katerina Ivanovna, and burst into tears. Alyosha got up from the sofa.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's nothing, nothing!&#8221; she went on through her tears. &#8220;I'm upset, I didn't sleep last night. But by the side of two such friends as you and your brother I still feel strong&#8212;for I know&#8212;you two will never desert me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Unluckily I am obliged to return to Moscow&#8212;perhaps to-morrow&#8212;and to leave you for a long time&#8212;And, unluckily, it's unavoidable,&#8221; Ivan said suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To-morrow&#8212;to Moscow!&#8221; her face was suddenly contorted; &#8220;but&#8212;but, dear me, how fortunate!&#8221; she cried in a voice suddenly changed. In one instant there was no trace left of her tears. She underwent an instantaneous transformation, which amazed Alyosha. Instead of a poor, insulted girl, weeping in a sort of &#8220;laceration,&#8221; he saw a woman completely self-possessed and even exceedingly pleased, as though something agreeable had just happened.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, not fortunate that I am losing you, of course not,&#8221; she corrected herself suddenly, with a charming society smile. &#8220;Such a friend as you are could not suppose that. I am only too unhappy at losing you.&#8221; She rushed impulsively at Ivan, and seizing both his hands, pressed them warmly. &#8220;But what is fortunate is that you will be able in Moscow to see auntie and Agafya and to tell them all the horror of my present position. You can speak with complete openness to Agafya, but spare dear auntie. You will know how to do that. You can't think how wretched I was yesterday and this morning, wondering how I could write them that dreadful letter&#8212;for one can never tell such things in a letter.... Now it will be easy for me to write, for you will see them and explain everything. Oh, how glad I am! But I am only glad of that, believe me. Of course, no one can take your place.... I will run at once to write the letter,&#8221; she finished suddenly, and took a step as though to go out of the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what about Alyosha and his opinion, which you were so desperately anxious to hear?&#8221; cried Madame Hohlakov. There was a sarcastic, angry note in her voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I had not forgotten that,&#8221; cried Katerina Ivanovna, coming to a sudden standstill, &#8220;and why are you so antagonistic at such a moment?&#8221; she added, with warm and bitter reproachfulness. &#8220;What I said, I repeat. I must have his opinion. More than that, I must have his decision! As he says, so it shall be. You see how anxious I am for your words, Alexey Fyodorovitch.... But what's the matter?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I couldn't have believed it. I can't understand it!&#8221; Alyosha cried suddenly in distress.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What? What?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is going to Moscow, and you cry out that you are glad. You said that on purpose! And you begin explaining that you are not glad of that but sorry to be&#8212;losing a friend. But that was acting, too&#8212;you were playing a part&#8212;as in a theater!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In a theater? What? What do you mean?&#8221; exclaimed Katerina Ivanovna, profoundly astonished, flushing crimson, and frowning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Though you assure him you are sorry to lose a friend in him, you persist in telling him to his face that it's fortunate he is going,&#8221; said Alyosha breathlessly. He was standing at the table and did not sit down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you talking about? I don't understand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't understand myself.... I seemed to see in a flash ... I know I am not saying it properly, but I'll say it all the same,&#8221; Alyosha went on in the same shaking and broken voice. &#8220;What I see is that perhaps you don't love Dmitri at all ... and never have, from the beginning.... And Dmitri, too, has never loved you ... and only esteems you.... I really don't know how I dare to say all this, but somebody must tell the truth ... for nobody here will tell the truth.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What truth?&#8221; cried Katerina Ivanovna, and there was an hysterical ring in her voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll tell you,&#8221; Alyosha went on with desperate haste, as though he were jumping from the top of a house. &#8220;Call Dmitri; I will fetch him&#8212;and let him come here and take your hand and take Ivan's and join your hands. For you're torturing Ivan, simply because you love him&#8212;and torturing him, because you love Dmitri through &#8216;self-laceration'&#8212;with an unreal love&#8212;because you've persuaded yourself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha broke off and was silent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You ... you ... you are a little religious idiot&#8212;that's what you are!&#8221; Katerina Ivanovna snapped. Her face was white and her lips were moving with anger.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan suddenly laughed and got up. His hat was in his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are mistaken, my good Alyosha,&#8221; he said, with an expression Alyosha had never seen in his face before&#8212;an expression of youthful sincerity and strong, irresistibly frank feeling. &#8220;Katerina Ivanovna has never cared for me! She has known all the time that I cared for her&#8212;though I never said a word of my love to her&#8212;she knew, but she didn't care for me. I have never been her friend either, not for one moment; she is too proud to need my friendship. She kept me at her side as a means of revenge. She revenged with me and on me all the insults which she has been continually receiving from Dmitri ever since their first meeting. For even that first meeting has rankled in her heart as an insult&#8212;that's what her heart is like! She has talked to me of nothing but her love for him. I am going now; but, believe me, Katerina Ivanovna, you really love him. And the more he insults you, the more you love him&#8212;that's your &#8216;laceration.' You love him just as he is; you love him for insulting you. If he reformed, you'd give him up at once and cease to love him. But you need him so as to contemplate continually your heroic fidelity and to reproach him for infidelity. And it all comes from your pride. Oh, there's a great deal of humiliation and self-abasement about it, but it all comes from pride.... I am too young and I've loved you too much. I know that I ought not to say this, that it would be more dignified on my part simply to leave you, and it would be less offensive for you. But I am going far away, and shall never come back.... It is for ever. I don't want to sit beside a &#8216;laceration.'... But I don't know how to speak now. I've said everything.... Good-by, Katerina Ivanovna; you can't be angry with me, for I am a hundred times more severely punished than you, if only by the fact that I shall never see you again. Good-by! I don't want your hand. You have tortured me too deliberately for me to be able to forgive you at this moment. I shall forgive you later, but now I don't want your hand. &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Den Dank, Dame, begehr ich nicht&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb17&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Den Dank, Dame, begehr ich nicht &#8211; I don't want your thanks, dear lady&#034; id=&#034;nh17&#034;&gt;17&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;,' &#8221; he added, with a forced smile, showing, however, that he could read Schiller, and read him till he knew him by heart&#8212;which Alyosha would never have believed. He went out of the room without saying good-by even to his hostess, Madame Hohlakov. Alyosha clasped his hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan!&#8221; he cried desperately after him. &#8220;Come back, Ivan! No, nothing will induce him to come back now!&#8221; he cried again, regretfully realizing it; &#8220;but it's my fault, my fault. I began it! Ivan spoke angrily, wrongly. Unjustly and angrily. He must come back here, come back,&#8221; Alyosha kept exclaiming frantically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Katerina Ivanovna went suddenly into the next room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have done no harm. You behaved beautifully, like an angel,&#8221; Madame Hohlakov whispered rapidly and ecstatically to Alyosha. &#8220;I will do my utmost to prevent Ivan Fyodorovitch from going.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her face beamed with delight, to the great distress of Alyosha, but Katerina Ivanovna suddenly returned. She had two hundred-rouble notes in her hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have a great favor to ask of you, Alexey Fyodorovitch,&#8221; she began, addressing Alyosha with an apparently calm and even voice, as though nothing had happened. &#8220;A week&#8212;yes, I think it was a week ago&#8212;Dmitri Fyodorovitch was guilty of a hasty and unjust action&#8212;a very ugly action. There is a low tavern here, and in it he met that discharged officer, that captain, whom your father used to employ in some business. Dmitri Fyodorovitch somehow lost his temper with this captain, seized him by the beard and dragged him out into the street and for some distance along it, in that insulting fashion. And I am told that his son, a boy, quite a child, who is at the school here, saw it and ran beside them crying and begging for his father, appealing to every one to defend him, while every one laughed. You must forgive me, Alexey Fyodorovitch, I cannot think without indignation of that disgraceful action of &lt;i&gt;his&lt;/i&gt; ... one of those actions of which only Dmitri Fyodorovitch would be capable in his anger ... and in his passions! I can't describe it even.... I can't find my words. I've made inquiries about his victim, and find he is quite a poor man. His name is Snegiryov. He did something wrong in the army and was discharged. I can't tell you what. And now he has sunk into terrible destitution, with his family&#8212;an unhappy family of sick children, and, I believe, an insane wife. He has been living here a long time; he used to work as a copying clerk, but now he is getting nothing. I thought if you ... that is I thought ... I don't know. I am so confused. You see, I wanted to ask you, my dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, to go to him, to find some excuse to go to them&#8212;I mean to that captain&#8212;oh, goodness, how badly I explain it!&#8212;and delicately, carefully, as only you know how to&#8221; (Alyosha blushed), &#8220;manage to give him this assistance, these two hundred roubles. He will be sure to take it.... I mean, persuade him to take it.... Or, rather, what do I mean? You see it's not by way of compensation to prevent him from taking proceedings (for I believe he meant to), but simply a token of sympathy, of a desire to assist him from me, Dmitri Fyodorovitch's betrothed, not from himself.... But you know.... I would go myself, but you'll know how to do it ever so much better. He lives in Lake Street, in the house of a woman called Kalmikov.... For God's sake, Alexey Fyodorovitch, do it for me, and now ... now I am rather ... tired. Good-by!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She turned and disappeared behind the porti&#232;re so quickly that Alyosha had not time to utter a word, though he wanted to speak. He longed to beg her pardon, to blame himself, to say something, for his heart was full and he could not bear to go out of the room without it. But Madame Hohlakov took him by the hand and drew him along with her. In the hall she stopped him again as before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She is proud, she is struggling with herself; but kind, charming, generous,&#8221; she exclaimed, in a half-whisper. &#8220;Oh, how I love her, especially sometimes, and how glad I am again of everything! Dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, you didn't know, but I must tell you, that we all, all&#8212;both her aunts, I and all of us, Lise, even&#8212;have been hoping and praying for nothing for the last month but that she may give up your favorite Dmitri, who takes no notice of her and does not care for her, and may marry Ivan Fyodorovitch&#8212;such an excellent and cultivated young man, who loves her more than anything in the world. We are in a regular plot to bring it about, and I am even staying on here perhaps on that account.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But she has been crying&#8212;she has been wounded again,&#8221; cried Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never trust a woman's tears, Alexey Fyodorovitch. I am never for the women in such cases. I am always on the side of the men.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma, you are spoiling him,&#8221; Lise's little voice cried from behind the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it was all my fault. I am horribly to blame,&#8221; Alyosha repeated unconsoled, hiding his face in his hands in an agony of remorse for his indiscretion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quite the contrary; you behaved like an angel, like an angel. I am ready to say so a thousand times over.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma, how has he behaved like an angel?&#8221; Lise's voice was heard again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I somehow fancied all at once,&#8221; Alyosha went on as though he had not heard Lise, &#8220;that she loved Ivan, and so I said that stupid thing.... What will happen now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To whom, to whom?&#8221; cried Lise. &#8220;Mamma, you really want to be the death of me. I ask you and you don't answer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the moment the maid ran in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Katerina Ivanovna is ill.... She is crying, struggling ... hysterics.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is the matter?&#8221; cried Lise, in a tone of real anxiety. &#8220;Mamma, I shall be having hysterics, and not she!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lise, for mercy's sake, don't scream, don't persecute me. At your age one can't know everything that grown-up people know. I'll come and tell you everything you ought to know. Oh, mercy on us! I am coming, I am coming.... Hysterics is a good sign, Alexey Fyodorovitch; it's an excellent thing that she is hysterical. That's just as it ought to be. In such cases I am always against the woman, against all these feminine tears and hysterics. Run and say, Yulia, that I'll fly to her. As for Ivan Fyodorovitch's going away like that, it's her own fault. But he won't go away. Lise, for mercy's sake, don't scream! Oh, yes; you are not screaming. It's I am screaming. Forgive your mamma; but I am delighted, delighted, delighted! Did you notice, Alexey Fyodorovitch, how young, how young Ivan Fyodorovitch was just now when he went out, when he said all that and went out? I thought he was so learned, such a &lt;i&gt;savant&lt;/i&gt;, and all of a sudden he behaved so warmly, openly, and youthfully, with such youthful inexperience, and it was all so fine, like you.... And the way he repeated that German verse, it was just like you! But I must fly, I must fly! Alexey Fyodorovitch, make haste to carry out her commission, and then make haste back. Lise, do you want anything now? For mercy's sake, don't keep Alexey Fyodorovitch a minute. He will come back to you at once.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Hohlakov at last ran off. Before leaving, Alyosha would have opened the door to see Lise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;On no account,&#8221; cried Lise. &#8220;On no account now. Speak through the door. How have you come to be an angel? That's the only thing I want to know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For an awful piece of stupidity, Lise! Good-by!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't dare to go away like that!&#8221; Lise was beginning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lise, I have a real sorrow! I'll be back directly, but I have a great, great sorrow!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he ran out of the room.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI. A LACERATION IN THE COTTAGE&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;He certainly was really grieved in a way he had seldom been before. He had rushed in like a fool, and meddled in what? In a love-affair. &#8220;But what do I know about it? What can I tell about such things?&#8221; he repeated to himself for the hundredth time, flushing crimson. &#8220;Oh, being ashamed would be nothing; shame is only the punishment I deserve. The trouble is I shall certainly have caused more unhappiness.... And Father Zossima sent me to reconcile and bring them together. Is this the way to bring them together?&#8221; Then he suddenly remembered how he had tried to join their hands, and he felt fearfully ashamed again. &#8220;Though I acted quite sincerely, I must be more sensible in the future,&#8221; he concluded suddenly, and did not even smile at his conclusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Katerina Ivanovna's commission took him to Lake Street, and his brother Dmitri lived close by, in a turning out of Lake Street. Alyosha decided to go to him in any case before going to the captain, though he had a presentiment that he would not find his brother. He suspected that he would intentionally keep out of his way now, but he must find him anyhow. Time was passing: the thought of his dying elder had not left Alyosha for one minute from the time he set off from the monastery.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was one point which interested him particularly about Katerina Ivanovna's commission; when she had mentioned the captain's son, the little schoolboy who had run beside his father crying, the idea had at once struck Alyosha that this must be the schoolboy who had bitten his finger when he, Alyosha, asked him what he had done to hurt him. Now Alyosha felt practically certain of this, though he could not have said why. Thinking of another subject was a relief, and he resolved to think no more about the &#8220;mischief&#8221; he had done, and not to torture himself with remorse, but to do what he had to do, let come what would. At that thought he was completely comforted. Turning to the street where Dmitri lodged, he felt hungry, and taking out of his pocket the roll he had brought from his father's, he ate it. It made him feel stronger.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dmitri was not at home. The people of the house, an old cabinet-maker, his son, and his old wife, looked with positive suspicion at Alyosha. &#8220;He hasn't slept here for the last three nights. Maybe he has gone away,&#8221; the old man said in answer to Alyosha's persistent inquiries. Alyosha saw that he was answering in accordance with instructions. When he asked whether he were not at Grushenka's or in hiding at Foma's (Alyosha spoke so freely on purpose), all three looked at him in alarm. &#8220;They are fond of him, they are doing their best for him,&#8221; thought Alyosha. &#8220;That's good.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last he found the house in Lake Street. It was a decrepit little house, sunk on one side, with three windows looking into the street, and with a muddy yard, in the middle of which stood a solitary cow. He crossed the yard and found the door opening into the passage. On the left of the passage lived the old woman of the house with her old daughter. Both seemed to be deaf. In answer to his repeated inquiry for the captain, one of them at last understood that he was asking for their lodgers, and pointed to a door across the passage. The captain's lodging turned out to be a simple cottage room. Alyosha had his hand on the iron latch to open the door, when he was struck by the strange hush within. Yet he knew from Katerina Ivanovna's words that the man had a family. &#8220;Either they are all asleep or perhaps they have heard me coming and are waiting for me to open the door. I'd better knock first,&#8221; and he knocked. An answer came, but not at once, after an interval of perhaps ten seconds.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who's there?&#8221; shouted some one in a loud and very angry voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then Alyosha opened the door and crossed the threshold. He found himself in a regular peasant's room. Though it was large, it was cumbered up with domestic belongings of all sorts, and there were several people in it. On the left was a large Russian stove. From the stove to the window on the left was a string running across the room, and on it there were rags hanging. There was a bedstead against the wall on each side, right and left, covered with knitted quilts. On the one on the left was a pyramid of four print-covered pillows, each smaller than the one beneath. On the other there was only one very small pillow. The opposite corner was screened off by a curtain or a sheet hung on a string. Behind this curtain could be seen a bed made up on a bench and a chair. The rough square table of plain wood had been moved into the middle window. The three windows, which consisted each of four tiny greenish mildewy panes, gave little light, and were close shut, so that the room was not very light and rather stuffy. On the table was a frying-pan with the remains of some fried eggs, a half-eaten piece of bread, and a small bottle with a few drops of vodka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A woman of genteel appearance, wearing a cotton gown, was sitting on a chair by the bed on the left. Her face was thin and yellow, and her sunken cheeks betrayed at the first glance that she was ill. But what struck Alyosha most was the expression in the poor woman's eyes&#8212;a look of surprised inquiry and yet of haughty pride. And while he was talking to her husband, her big brown eyes moved from one speaker to the other with the same haughty and questioning expression. Beside her at the window stood a young girl, rather plain, with scanty reddish hair, poorly but very neatly dressed. She looked disdainfully at Alyosha as he came in. Beside the other bed was sitting another female figure. She was a very sad sight, a young girl of about twenty, but hunchback and crippled &#8220;with withered legs,&#8221; as Alyosha was told afterwards. Her crutches stood in the corner close by. The strikingly beautiful and gentle eyes of this poor girl looked with mild serenity at Alyosha. A man of forty-five was sitting at the table, finishing the fried eggs. He was spare, small and weakly built. He had reddish hair and a scanty light-colored beard, very much like a wisp of tow (this comparison and the phrase &#8220;a wisp of tow&#8221; flashed at once into Alyosha's mind for some reason, he remembered it afterwards). It was obviously this gentleman who had shouted to him, as there was no other man in the room. But when Alyosha went in, he leapt up from the bench on which he was sitting, and, hastily wiping his mouth with a ragged napkin, darted up to Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's a monk come to beg for the monastery. A nice place to come to!&#8221; the girl standing in the left corner said aloud. The man spun round instantly towards her and answered her in an excited and breaking voice:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Varvara, you are wrong. Allow me to ask,&#8221; he turned again to Alyosha, &#8220;what has brought you to&#8212;our retreat?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha looked attentively at him. It was the first time he had seen him. There was something angular, flurried and irritable about him. Though he had obviously just been drinking, he was not drunk. There was extraordinary impudence in his expression, and yet, strange to say, at the same time there was fear. He looked like a man who had long been kept in subjection and had submitted to it, and now had suddenly turned and was trying to assert himself. Or, better still, like a man who wants dreadfully to hit you but is horribly afraid you will hit him. In his words and in the intonation of his shrill voice there was a sort of crazy humor, at times spiteful and at times cringing, and continually shifting from one tone to another. The question about &#8220;our retreat&#8221; he had asked as it were quivering all over, rolling his eyes, and skipping up so close to Alyosha that he instinctively drew back a step. He was dressed in a very shabby dark cotton coat, patched and spotted. He wore checked trousers of an extremely light color, long out of fashion, and of very thin material. They were so crumpled and so short that he looked as though he had grown out of them like a boy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am Alexey Karamazov,&#8221; Alyosha began in reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I quite understand that, sir,&#8221; the gentleman snapped out at once to assure him that he knew who he was already. &#8220;I am Captain Snegiryov, sir, but I am still desirous to know precisely what has led you&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I've come for nothing special. I wanted to have a word with you&#8212;if only you allow me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In that case, here is a chair, sir; kindly be seated. That's what they used to say in the old comedies, &#8216;kindly be seated,' &#8221; and with a rapid gesture he seized an empty chair (it was a rough wooden chair, not upholstered) and set it for him almost in the middle of the room; then, taking another similar chair for himself, he sat down facing Alyosha, so close to him that their knees almost touched.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nikolay Ilyitch Snegiryov, sir, formerly a captain in the Russian infantry, put to shame for his vices, but still a captain. Though I might not be one now for the way I talk; for the last half of my life I've learnt to say &#8216;sir.' It's a word you use when you've come down in the world.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's very true,&#8221; smiled Alyosha. &#8220;But is it used involuntarily or on purpose?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As God's above, it's involuntary, and I usen't to use it! I didn't use the word &#8216;sir' all my life, but as soon as I sank into low water I began to say &#8216;sir.' It's the work of a higher power. I see you are interested in contemporary questions, but how can I have excited your curiosity, living as I do in surroundings impossible for the exercise of hospitality?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've come&#8212;about that business.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;About what business?&#8221; the captain interrupted impatiently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;About your meeting with my brother Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; Alyosha blurted out awkwardly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What meeting, sir? You don't mean that meeting? About my &#8216;wisp of tow,' then?&#8221; He moved closer so that his knees positively knocked against Alyosha. His lips were strangely compressed like a thread.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What wisp of tow?&#8221; muttered Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is come to complain of me, father!&#8221; cried a voice familiar to Alyosha&#8212;the voice of the schoolboy&#8212;from behind the curtain. &#8220;I bit his finger just now.&#8221; The curtain was pulled, and Alyosha saw his assailant lying on a little bed made up on the bench and the chair in the corner under the ikons. The boy lay covered by his coat and an old wadded quilt. He was evidently unwell, and, judging by his glittering eyes, he was in a fever. He looked at Alyosha without fear, as though he felt he was at home and could not be touched.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What! Did he bite your finger?&#8221; The captain jumped up from his chair. &#8220;Was it your finger he bit?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. He was throwing stones with other schoolboys. There were six of them against him alone. I went up to him, and he threw a stone at me and then another at my head. I asked him what I had done to him. And then he rushed at me and bit my finger badly, I don't know why.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll thrash him, sir, at once&#8212;this minute!&#8221; The captain jumped up from his seat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I am not complaining at all, I am simply telling you ... I don't want him to be thrashed. Besides, he seems to be ill.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And do you suppose I'd thrash him? That I'd take my Ilusha and thrash him before you for your satisfaction? Would you like it done at once, sir?&#8221; said the captain, suddenly turning to Alyosha, as though he were going to attack him. &#8220;I am sorry about your finger, sir; but instead of thrashing Ilusha, would you like me to chop off my four fingers with this knife here before your eyes to satisfy your just wrath? I should think four fingers would be enough to satisfy your thirst for vengeance. You won't ask for the fifth one too?&#8221; He stopped short with a catch in his throat. Every feature in his face was twitching and working; he looked extremely defiant. He was in a sort of frenzy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think I understand it all now,&#8221; said Alyosha gently and sorrowfully, still keeping his seat. &#8220;So your boy is a good boy, he loves his father, and he attacked me as the brother of your assailant.... Now I understand it,&#8221; he repeated thoughtfully. &#8220;But my brother Dmitri Fyodorovitch regrets his action, I know that, and if only it is possible for him to come to you, or better still, to meet you in that same place, he will ask your forgiveness before every one&#8212;if you wish it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;After pulling out my beard, you mean, he will ask my forgiveness? And he thinks that will be a satisfactory finish, doesn't he?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no! On the contrary, he will do anything you like and in any way you like.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So if I were to ask his highness to go down on his knees before me in that very tavern&#8212;&#8216;The Metropolis' it's called&#8212;or in the market-place, he would do it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he would even go down on his knees.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've pierced me to the heart, sir. Touched me to tears and pierced me to the heart! I am only too sensible of your brother's generosity. Allow me to introduce my family, my two daughters and my son&#8212;my litter. If I die, who will care for them, and while I live who but they will care for a wretch like me? That's a great thing the Lord has ordained for every man of my sort, sir. For there must be some one able to love even a man like me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, that's perfectly true!&#8221; exclaimed Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, do leave off playing the fool! Some idiot comes in, and you put us to shame!&#8221; cried the girl by the window, suddenly turning to her father with a disdainful and contemptuous air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wait a little, Varvara!&#8221; cried her father, speaking peremptorily but looking at her quite approvingly. &#8220;That's her character,&#8221; he said, addressing Alyosha again.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;And in all nature there was naught&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That could find favor in his eyes&#8212;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;or rather in the feminine: that could find favor in her eyes. But now let me present you to my wife, Arina Petrovna. She is crippled, she is forty-three; she can move, but very little. She is of humble origin. Arina Petrovna, compose your countenance. This is Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov. Get up, Alexey Fyodorovitch.&#8221; He took him by the hand and with unexpected force pulled him up. &#8220;You must stand up to be introduced to a lady. It's not the Karamazov, mamma, who ... h'm ... etcetera, but his brother, radiant with modest virtues. Come, Arina Petrovna, come, mamma, first your hand to be kissed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he kissed his wife's hand respectfully and even tenderly. The girl at the window turned her back indignantly on the scene; an expression of extraordinary cordiality came over the haughtily inquiring face of the woman.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good morning! Sit down, Mr. Tchernomazov,&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Karamazov, mamma, Karamazov. We are of humble origin,&#8221; he whispered again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Karamazov, or whatever it is, but I always think of Tchernomazov.... Sit down. Why has he pulled you up? He calls me crippled, but I am not, only my legs are swollen like barrels, and I am shriveled up myself. Once I used to be so fat, but now it's as though I had swallowed a needle.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We are of humble origin,&#8221; the captain muttered again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, father, father!&#8221; the hunchback girl, who had till then been silent on her chair, said suddenly, and she hid her eyes in her handkerchief.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Buffoon!&#8221; blurted out the girl at the window.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you heard our news?&#8221; said the mother, pointing at her daughters. &#8220;It's like clouds coming over; the clouds pass and we have music again. When we were with the army, we used to have many such guests. I don't mean to make any comparisons; every one to their taste. The deacon's wife used to come then and say, &#8216;Alexandr Alexandrovitch is a man of the noblest heart, but Nastasya Petrovna,' she would say, &#8216;is of the brood of hell.' &#8216;Well,' I said, &#8216;that's a matter of taste; but you are a little spitfire.' &#8216;And you want keeping in your place,' says she. &#8216;You black sword,' said I, &#8216;who asked you to teach me?' &#8216;But my breath,' says she, &#8216;is clean, and yours is unclean.' &#8216;You ask all the officers whether my breath is unclean.' And ever since then I had it in my mind. Not long ago I was sitting here as I am now, when I saw that very general come in who came here for Easter, and I asked him: &#8216;Your Excellency,' said I, &#8216;can a lady's breath be unpleasant?' &#8216;Yes,' he answered; &#8216;you ought to open a window-pane or open the door, for the air is not fresh here.' And they all go on like that! And what is my breath to them? The dead smell worse still! &#8216;I won't spoil the air,' said I, &#8216;I'll order some slippers and go away.' My darlings, don't blame your own mother! Nikolay Ilyitch, how is it I can't please you? There's only Ilusha who comes home from school and loves me. Yesterday he brought me an apple. Forgive your own mother&#8212;forgive a poor lonely creature! Why has my breath become unpleasant to you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the poor mad woman broke into sobs, and tears streamed down her cheeks. The captain rushed up to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma, mamma, my dear, give over! You are not lonely. Every one loves you, every one adores you.&#8221; He began kissing both her hands again and tenderly stroking her face; taking the dinner-napkin, he began wiping away her tears. Alyosha fancied that he too had tears in his eyes. &#8220;There, you see, you hear?&#8221; he turned with a sort of fury to Alyosha, pointing to the poor imbecile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I see and hear,&#8221; muttered Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father, father, how can you&#8212;with him! Let him alone!&#8221; cried the boy, sitting up in his bed and gazing at his father with glowing eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do give over fooling, showing off your silly antics which never lead to anything!&#8221; shouted Varvara, stamping her foot with passion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your anger is quite just this time, Varvara, and I'll make haste to satisfy you. Come, put on your cap, Alexey Fyodorovitch, and I'll put on mine. We will go out. I have a word to say to you in earnest, but not within these walls. This girl sitting here is my daughter Nina; I forgot to introduce her to you. She is a heavenly angel incarnate ... who has flown down to us mortals,... if you can understand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There he is shaking all over, as though he is in convulsions!&#8221; Varvara went on indignantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And she there stamping her foot at me and calling me a fool just now, she is a heavenly angel incarnate too, and she has good reason to call me so. Come along, Alexey Fyodorovitch, we must make an end.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And, snatching Alyosha's hand, he drew him out of the room into the street.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII. AND IN THE OPEN AIR&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;The air is fresh, but in my apartment it is not so in any sense of the word. Let us walk slowly, sir. I should be glad of your kind interest.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I too have something important to say to you,&#8221; observed Alyosha, &#8220;only I don't know how to begin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be sure you must have business with me. You would never have looked in upon me without some object. Unless you come simply to complain of the boy, and that's hardly likely. And, by the way, about the boy: I could not explain to you in there, but here I will describe that scene to you. My tow was thicker a week ago&#8212;I mean my beard. That's the nickname they give to my beard, the schoolboys most of all. Well, your brother Dmitri Fyodorovitch was pulling me by my beard, I'd done nothing, he was in a towering rage and happened to come upon me. He dragged me out of the tavern into the market-place; at that moment the boys were coming out of school, and with them Ilusha. As soon as he saw me in such a state he rushed up to me. &#8216;Father,' he cried, &#8216;father!' He caught hold of me, hugged me, tried to pull me away, crying to my assailant, &#8216;Let go, let go, it's my father, forgive him!'&#8212;yes, he actually cried &#8216;forgive him.' He clutched at that hand, that very hand, in his little hands and kissed it.... I remember his little face at that moment, I haven't forgotten it and I never shall!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I swear,&#8221; cried Alyosha, &#8220;that my brother will express his most deep and sincere regret, even if he has to go down on his knees in that same market-place.... I'll make him or he is no brother of mine!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aha, then it's only a suggestion! And it does not come from him but simply from the generosity of your own warm heart. You should have said so. No, in that case allow me to tell you of your brother's highly chivalrous soldierly generosity, for he did give expression to it at the time. He left off dragging me by my beard and released me: &#8216;You are an officer,' he said, &#8216;and I am an officer, if you can find a decent man to be your second send me your challenge. I will give satisfaction, though you are a scoundrel.' That's what he said. A chivalrous spirit indeed! I retired with Ilusha, and that scene is a family record imprinted for ever on Ilusha's soul. No, it's not for us to claim the privileges of noblemen. Judge for yourself. You've just been in our mansion, what did you see there? Three ladies, one a cripple and weak-minded, another a cripple and hunchback and the third not crippled but far too clever. She is a student, dying to get back to Petersburg, to work for the emancipation of the Russian woman on the banks of the Neva. I won't speak of Ilusha, he is only nine. I am alone in the world, and if I die, what will become of all of them? I simply ask you that. And if I challenge him and he kills me on the spot, what then? What will become of them? And worse still, if he doesn't kill me but only cripples me: I couldn't work, but I should still be a mouth to feed. Who would feed it and who would feed them all? Must I take Ilusha from school and send him to beg in the streets? That's what it means for me to challenge him to a duel. It's silly talk and nothing else.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He will beg your forgiveness, he will bow down at your feet in the middle of the market-place,&#8221; cried Alyosha again, with glowing eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I did think of prosecuting him,&#8221; the captain went on, &#8220;but look in our code, could I get much compensation for a personal injury? And then Agrafena Alexandrovna sent for me and shouted at me: &#8216;Don't dare to dream of it! If you proceed against him, I'll publish it to all the world that he beat you for your dishonesty, and then you will be prosecuted.' I call God to witness whose was the dishonesty and by whose commands I acted, wasn't it by her own and Fyodor Pavlovitch's? &#8216;And what's more,' she went on, &#8216;I'll dismiss you for good and you'll never earn another penny from me. I'll speak to my merchant too' (that's what she calls her old man) &#8216;and he will dismiss you!' And if he dismisses me, what can I earn then from any one? Those two are all I have to look to, for your Fyodor Pavlovitch has not only given over employing me, for another reason, but he means to make use of papers I've signed to go to law against me. And so I kept quiet, and you have seen our retreat. But now let me ask you: did Ilusha hurt your finger much? I didn't like to go into it in our mansion before him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, very much, and he was in a great fury. He was avenging you on me as a Karamazov, I see that now. But if only you had seen how he was throwing stones at his school-fellows! It's very dangerous. They might kill him. They are children and stupid. A stone may be thrown and break somebody's head.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's just what has happened. He has been bruised by a stone to-day. Not on the head but on the chest, just above the heart. He came home crying and groaning and now he is ill.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you know he attacks them first. He is bitter against them on your account. They say he stabbed a boy called Krassotkin with a pen-knife not long ago.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've heard about that too, it's dangerous. Krassotkin is an official here, we may hear more about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I would advise you,&#8221; Alyosha went on warmly, &#8220;not to send him to school at all for a time till he is calmer ... and his anger is passed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anger!&#8221; the captain repeated, &#8220;that's just what it is. He is a little creature, but it's a mighty anger. You don't know all, sir. Let me tell you more. Since that incident all the boys have been teasing him about the &#8216;wisp of tow.' Schoolboys are a merciless race, individually they are angels, but together, especially in schools, they are often merciless. Their teasing has stirred up a gallant spirit in Ilusha. An ordinary boy, a weak son, would have submitted, have felt ashamed of his father, sir, but he stood up for his father against them all. For his father and for truth and justice. For what he suffered when he kissed your brother's hand and cried to him &#8216;Forgive father, forgive him,'&#8212;that only God knows&#8212;and I, his father. For our children&#8212;not your children, but ours&#8212;the children of the poor gentlemen looked down upon by every one&#8212;know what justice means, sir, even at nine years old. How should the rich know? They don't explore such depths once in their lives. But at that moment in the square when he kissed his hand, at that moment my Ilusha had grasped all that justice means. That truth entered into him and crushed him for ever, sir,&#8221; the captain said hotly again with a sort of frenzy, and he struck his right fist against his left palm as though he wanted to show how &#8220;the truth&#8221; crushed Ilusha. &#8220;That very day, sir, he fell ill with fever and was delirious all night. All that day he hardly said a word to me, but I noticed he kept watching me from the corner, though he turned to the window and pretended to be learning his lessons. But I could see his mind was not on his lessons. Next day I got drunk to forget my troubles, sinful man as I am, and I don't remember much. Mamma began crying, too&#8212;I am very fond of mamma&#8212;well, I spent my last penny drowning my troubles. Don't despise me for that, sir, in Russia men who drink are the best. The best men amongst us are the greatest drunkards. I lay down and I don't remember about Ilusha, though all that day the boys had been jeering at him at school. &#8216;Wisp of tow,' they shouted, &#8216;your father was pulled out of the tavern by his wisp of tow, you ran by and begged forgiveness.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;On the third day when he came back from school, I saw he looked pale and wretched. &#8216;What is it?' I asked. He wouldn't answer. Well, there's no talking in our mansion without mamma and the girls taking part in it. What's more, the girls had heard about it the very first day. Varvara had begun snarling. &#8216;You fools and buffoons, can you ever do anything rational?' &#8216;Quite so,' I said, &#8216;can we ever do anything rational?' For the time I turned it off like that. So in the evening I took the boy out for a walk, for you must know we go for a walk every evening, always the same way, along which we are going now&#8212;from our gate to that great stone which lies alone in the road under the hurdle, which marks the beginning of the town pasture. A beautiful and lonely spot, sir. Ilusha and I walked along hand in hand as usual. He has a little hand, his fingers are thin and cold&#8212;he suffers with his chest, you know. &#8216;Father,' said he, &#8216;father!' &#8216;Well?' said I. I saw his eyes flashing. &#8216;Father, how he treated you then!' &#8216;It can't be helped, Ilusha,' I said. &#8216;Don't forgive him, father, don't forgive him! At school they say that he has paid you ten roubles for it.' &#8216;No, Ilusha,' said I, &#8216;I would not take money from him for anything.' Then he began trembling all over, took my hand in both his and kissed it again. &#8216;Father,' he said, &#8216;father, challenge him to a duel, at school they say you are a coward and won't challenge him, and that you'll accept ten roubles from him.' &#8216;I can't challenge him to a duel, Ilusha,' I answered. And I told briefly what I've just told you. He listened. &#8216;Father,' he said, &#8216;anyway don't forgive it. When I grow up I'll call him out myself and kill him.' His eyes shone and glowed. And of course I am his father, and I had to put in a word: &#8216;It's a sin to kill,' I said, &#8216;even in a duel.' &#8216;Father,' he said, &#8216;when I grow up, I'll knock him down, knock the sword out of his hand, I'll fall on him, wave my sword over him and say: &#8220;I could kill you, but I forgive you, so there!&#8221; ' You see what the workings of his little mind have been during these two days; he must have been planning that vengeance all day, and raving about it at night.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But he began to come home from school badly beaten, I found out about it the day before yesterday, and you are right, I won't send him to that school any more. I heard that he was standing up against all the class alone and defying them all, that his heart was full of resentment, of bitterness&#8212;I was alarmed about him. We went for another walk. &#8216;Father,' he asked, &#8216;are the rich people stronger than anyone else on earth?' &#8216;Yes, Ilusha,' I said, &#8216;there are no people on earth stronger than the rich.' &#8216;Father,' he said, &#8216;I will get rich, I will become an officer and conquer everybody. The Tsar will reward me, I will come back here and then no one will dare&#8212;' Then he was silent and his lips still kept trembling. &#8216;Father,' he said, &#8216;what a horrid town this is.' &#8216;Yes, Ilusha,' I said, &#8216;it isn't a very nice town.' &#8216;Father, let us move into another town, a nice one,' he said, &#8216;where people don't know about us.' &#8216;We will move, we will, Ilusha,' said I, &#8216;only I must save up for it.' I was glad to be able to turn his mind from painful thoughts, and we began to dream of how we would move to another town, how we would buy a horse and cart. &#8216;We will put mamma and your sisters inside, we will cover them up and we'll walk, you shall have a lift now and then, and I'll walk beside, for we must take care of our horse, we can't all ride. That's how we'll go.' He was enchanted at that, most of all at the thought of having a horse and driving him. For of course a Russian boy is born among horses. We chattered a long while. Thank God, I thought, I have diverted his mind and comforted him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That was the day before yesterday, in the evening, but last night everything was changed. He had gone to school in the morning, he came back depressed, terribly depressed. In the evening I took him by the hand and we went for a walk; he would not talk. There was a wind blowing and no sun, and a feeling of autumn; twilight was coming on. We walked along, both of us depressed. &#8216;Well, my boy,' said I, &#8216;how about our setting off on our travels?' I thought I might bring him back to our talk of the day before. He didn't answer, but I felt his fingers trembling in my hand. Ah, I thought, it's a bad job; there's something fresh. We had reached the stone where we are now. I sat down on the stone. And in the air there were lots of kites flapping and whirling. There were as many as thirty in sight. Of course, it's just the season for the kites. &#8216;Look, Ilusha,' said I, &#8216;it's time we got out our last year's kite again. I'll mend it, where have you put it away?' My boy made no answer. He looked away and turned sideways to me. And then a gust of wind blew up the sand. He suddenly fell on me, threw both his little arms round my neck and held me tight. You know, when children are silent and proud, and try to keep back their tears when they are in great trouble and suddenly break down, their tears fall in streams. With those warm streams of tears, he suddenly wetted my face. He sobbed and shook as though he were in convulsions, and squeezed up against me as I sat on the stone. &#8216;Father,' he kept crying, &#8216;dear father, how he insulted you!' And I sobbed too. We sat shaking in each other's arms. &#8216;Ilusha,' I said to him, &#8216;Ilusha darling.' No one saw us then. God alone saw us, I hope He will record it to my credit. You must thank your brother, Alexey Fyodorovitch. No, sir, I won't thrash my boy for your satisfaction.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had gone back to his original tone of resentful buffoonery. Alyosha felt though that he trusted him, and that if there had been some one else in his, Alyosha's place, the man would not have spoken so openly and would not have told what he had just told. This encouraged Alyosha, whose heart was trembling on the verge of tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, how I would like to make friends with your boy!&#8221; he cried. &#8220;If you could arrange it&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly, sir,&#8221; muttered the captain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But now listen to something quite different!&#8221; Alyosha went on. &#8220;I have a message for you. That same brother of mine, Dmitri, has insulted his betrothed, too, a noble-hearted girl of whom you have probably heard. I have a right to tell you of her wrong; I ought to do so, in fact, for hearing of the insult done to you and learning all about your unfortunate position, she commissioned me at once&#8212;just now&#8212;to bring you this help from her&#8212;but only from her alone, not from Dmitri, who has abandoned her. Nor from me, his brother, nor from anyone else, but from her, only from her! She entreats you to accept her help.... You have both been insulted by the same man. She thought of you only when she had just received a similar insult from him&#8212;similar in its cruelty, I mean. She comes like a sister to help a brother in misfortune.... She told me to persuade you to take these two hundred roubles from her, as from a sister, knowing that you are in such need. No one will know of it, it can give rise to no unjust slander. There are the two hundred roubles, and I swear you must take them unless&#8212;unless all men are to be enemies on earth! But there are brothers even on earth.... You have a generous heart ... you must see that, you must,&#8221; and Alyosha held out two new rainbow-colored hundred-rouble notes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were both standing at the time by the great stone close to the fence, and there was no one near. The notes seemed to produce a tremendous impression on the captain. He started, but at first only from astonishment. Such an outcome of their conversation was the last thing he expected. Nothing could have been farther from his dreams than help from any one&#8212;and such a sum!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He took the notes, and for a minute he was almost unable to answer, quite a new expression came into his face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That for me? So much money&#8212;two hundred roubles! Good heavens! Why, I haven't seen so much money for the last four years! Mercy on us! And she says she is a sister.... And is that the truth?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I swear that all I told you is the truth,&#8221; cried Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The captain flushed red.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, my dear, listen. If I take it, I shan't be behaving like a scoundrel? In your eyes, Alexey Fyodorovitch, I shan't be a scoundrel? No, Alexey Fyodorovitch, listen, listen,&#8221; he hurried, touching Alyosha with both his hands. &#8220;You are persuading me to take it, saying that it's a sister sends it, but inwardly, in your heart won't you feel contempt for me if I take it, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no, on my salvation I swear I shan't! And no one will ever know but me&#8212;I, you and she, and one other lady, her great friend.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never mind the lady! Listen, Alexey Fyodorovitch, at a moment like this you must listen, for you can't understand what these two hundred roubles mean to me now.&#8221; The poor fellow went on rising gradually into a sort of incoherent, almost wild enthusiasm. He was thrown off his balance and talked extremely fast, as though afraid he would not be allowed to say all he had to say.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Besides its being honestly acquired from a &#8216;sister,' so highly respected and revered, do you know that now I can look after mamma and Nina, my hunchback angel daughter? Doctor Herzenstube came to me in the kindness of his heart and was examining them both for a whole hour. &#8216;I can make nothing of it,' said he, but he prescribed a mineral water which is kept at a chemist's here. He said it would be sure to do her good, and he ordered baths, too, with some medicine in them. The mineral water costs thirty copecks, and she'd need to drink forty bottles perhaps; so I took the prescription and laid it on the shelf under the ikons, and there it lies. And he ordered hot baths for Nina with something dissolved in them, morning and evening. But how can we carry out such a cure in our mansion, without servants, without help, without a bath, and without water? Nina is rheumatic all over, I don't think I told you that. All her right side aches at night, she is in agony, and, would you believe it, the angel bears it without groaning for fear of waking us. We eat what we can get, and she'll only take the leavings, what you'd scarcely give to a dog. &#8216;I am not worth it, I am taking it from you, I am a burden on you,' that's what her angel eyes try to express. We wait on her, but she doesn't like it. &#8216;I am a useless cripple, no good to any one.' As though she were not worth it, when she is the saving of all of us with her angelic sweetness. Without her, without her gentle word it would be hell among us! She softens even Varvara. And don't judge Varvara harshly either, she is an angel too, she, too, has suffered wrong. She came to us for the summer, and she brought sixteen roubles she had earned by lessons and saved up, to go back with to Petersburg in September, that is now. But we took her money and lived on it, so now she has nothing to go back with. Though indeed she couldn't go back, for she has to work for us like a slave. She is like an overdriven horse with all of us on her back. She waits on us all, mends and washes, sweeps the floor, puts mamma to bed. And mamma is capricious and tearful and insane! And now I can get a servant with this money, you understand, Alexey Fyodorovitch, I can get medicines for the dear creatures, I can send my student to Petersburg, I can buy beef, I can feed them properly. Good Lord, but it's a dream!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha was delighted that he had brought him such happiness and that the poor fellow had consented to be made happy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay, Alexey Fyodorovitch, stay,&#8221; the captain began to talk with frenzied rapidity, carried away by a new day-dream. &#8220;Do you know that Ilusha and I will perhaps really carry out our dream. We will buy a horse and cart, a black horse, he insists on its being black, and we will set off as we pretended the other day. I have an old friend, a lawyer in K. province, and I heard through a trustworthy man that if I were to go he'd give me a place as clerk in his office, so, who knows, maybe he would. So I'd just put mamma and Nina in the cart, and Ilusha could drive, and I'd walk, I'd walk.... Why, if I only succeed in getting one debt paid that's owing me, I should have perhaps enough for that too!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There would be enough!&#8221; cried Alyosha. &#8220;Katerina Ivanovna will send you as much more as you need, and you know, I have money too, take what you want, as you would from a brother, from a friend, you can give it back later.... (You'll get rich, you'll get rich!) And you know you couldn't have a better idea than to move to another province! It would be the saving of you, especially of your boy&#8212;and you ought to go quickly, before the winter, before the cold. You must write to us when you are there, and we will always be brothers.... No, it's not a dream!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha could have hugged him, he was so pleased. But glancing at him he stopped short. The man was standing with his neck outstretched and his lips protruding, with a pale and frenzied face. His lips were moving as though trying to articulate something; no sound came, but still his lips moved. It was uncanny.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it?&#8221; asked Alyosha, startled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alexey Fyodorovitch ... I ... you,&#8221; muttered the captain, faltering, looking at him with a strange, wild, fixed stare, and an air of desperate resolution. At the same time there was a sort of grin on his lips. &#8220;I ... you, sir ... wouldn't you like me to show you a little trick I know?&#8221; he murmured, suddenly, in a firm rapid whisper, his voice no longer faltering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What trick?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A pretty trick,&#8221; whispered the captain. His mouth was twisted on the left side, his left eye was screwed up. He still stared at Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is the matter? What trick?&#8221; Alyosha cried, now thoroughly alarmed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, look,&#8221; squealed the captain suddenly, and showing him the two notes which he had been holding by one corner between his thumb and forefinger during the conversation, he crumpled them up savagely and squeezed them tight in his right hand. &#8220;Do you see, do you see?&#8221; he shrieked, pale and infuriated. And suddenly flinging up his hand, he threw the crumpled notes on the sand. &#8220;Do you see?&#8221; he shrieked again, pointing to them. &#8220;Look there!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And with wild fury he began trampling them under his heel, gasping and exclaiming as he did so:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So much for your money! So much for your money! So much for your money! So much for your money!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly he darted back and drew himself up before Alyosha, and his whole figure expressed unutterable pride.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell those who sent you that the wisp of tow does not sell his honor,&#8221; he cried, raising his arm in the air. Then he turned quickly and began to run; but he had not run five steps before he turned completely round and kissed his hand to Alyosha. He ran another five paces and then turned round for the last time. This time his face was not contorted with laughter, but quivering all over with tears. In a tearful, faltering, sobbing voice he cried:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What should I say to my boy if I took money from you for our shame?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And then he ran on without turning. Alyosha looked after him, inexpressibly grieved. Oh, he saw that till the very last moment the man had not known he would crumple up and fling away the notes. He did not turn back. Alyosha knew he would not. He would not follow him and call him back, he knew why. When he was out of sight, Alyosha picked up the two notes. They were very much crushed and crumpled, and had been pressed into the sand, but were uninjured and even rustled like new ones when Alyosha unfolded them and smoothed them out. After smoothing them out, he folded them up, put them in his pocket and went to Katerina Ivanovna to report on the success of her commission.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;BOOKV&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;BOOK V. PRO AND CONTRA&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I. THE ENGAGEMENT&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Madame Hohlakov was again the first to meet Alyosha. She was flustered; something important had happened. Katerina Ivanovna's hysterics had ended in a fainting fit, and then &#8220;a terrible, awful weakness had followed, she lay with her eyes turned up and was delirious. Now she was in a fever. They had sent for Herzenstube; they had sent for the aunts. The aunts were already here, but Herzenstube had not yet come. They were all sitting in her room, waiting. She was unconscious now, and what if it turned to brain fever!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Hohlakov looked gravely alarmed. &#8220;This is serious, serious,&#8221; she added at every word, as though nothing that had happened to her before had been serious. Alyosha listened with distress, and was beginning to describe his adventures, but she interrupted him at the first words. She had not time to listen. She begged him to sit with Lise and wait for her there.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lise,&#8221; she whispered almost in his ear, &#8220;Lise has greatly surprised me just now, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch. She touched me, too, and so my heart forgives her everything. Only fancy, as soon as you had gone, she began to be truly remorseful for having laughed at you to-day and yesterday, though she was not laughing at you, but only joking. But she was seriously sorry for it, almost ready to cry, so that I was quite surprised. She has never been really sorry for laughing at me, but has only made a joke of it. And you know she is laughing at me every minute. But this time she was in earnest. She thinks a great deal of your opinion, Alexey Fyodorovitch, and don't take offense or be wounded by her if you can help it. I am never hard upon her, for she's such a clever little thing. Would you believe it? She said just now that you were a friend of her childhood, &#8216;the greatest friend of her childhood'&#8212;just think of that&#8212;&#8216;greatest friend'&#8212;and what about me? She has very strong feelings and memories, and, what's more, she uses these phrases, most unexpected words, which come out all of a sudden when you least expect them. She spoke lately about a pine-tree, for instance: there used to be a pine-tree standing in our garden in her early childhood. Very likely it's standing there still; so there's no need to speak in the past tense. Pine-trees are not like people, Alexey Fyodorovitch, they don't change quickly. &#8216;Mamma,' she said, &#8216;I remember this pine-tree as in a dream,' only she said something so original about it that I can't repeat it. Besides, I've forgotten it. Well, good-by! I am so worried I feel I shall go out of my mind. Ah! Alexey Fyodorovitch, I've been out of my mind twice in my life. Go to Lise, cheer her up, as you always can so charmingly. Lise,&#8221; she cried, going to her door, &#8220;here I've brought you Alexey Fyodorovitch, whom you insulted so. He is not at all angry, I assure you; on the contrary, he is surprised that you could suppose so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Merci, maman&lt;/i&gt;. Come in, Alexey Fyodorovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha went in. Lise looked rather embarrassed, and at once flushed crimson. She was evidently ashamed of something, and, as people always do in such cases, she began immediately talking of other things, as though they were of absorbing interest to her at the moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma has just told me all about the two hundred roubles, Alexey Fyodorovitch, and your taking them to that poor officer ... and she told me all the awful story of how he had been insulted ... and you know, although mamma muddles things ... she always rushes from one thing to another ... I cried when I heard. Well, did you give him the money and how is that poor man getting on?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The fact is I didn't give it to him, and it's a long story,&#8221; answered Alyosha, as though he, too, could think of nothing but his regret at having failed, yet Lise saw perfectly well that he, too, looked away, and that he, too, was trying to talk of other things.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha sat down to the table and began to tell his story, but at the first words he lost his embarrassment and gained the whole of Lise's attention as well. He spoke with deep feeling, under the influence of the strong impression he had just received, and he succeeded in telling his story well and circumstantially. In old days in Moscow he had been fond of coming to Lise and describing to her what had just happened to him, what he had read, or what he remembered of his childhood. Sometimes they had made day-dreams and woven whole romances together&#8212;generally cheerful and amusing ones. Now they both felt suddenly transported to the old days in Moscow, two years before. Lise was extremely touched by his story. Alyosha described Ilusha with warm feeling. When he finished describing how the luckless man trampled on the money, Lise could not help clasping her hands and crying out:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you didn't give him the money! So you let him run away! Oh, dear, you ought to have run after him!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Lise; it's better I didn't run after him,&#8221; said Alyosha, getting up from his chair and walking thoughtfully across the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How so? How is it better? Now they are without food and their case is hopeless?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not hopeless, for the two hundred roubles will still come to them. He'll take the money to-morrow. To-morrow he will be sure to take it,&#8221; said Alyosha, pacing up and down, pondering. &#8220;You see, Lise,&#8221; he went on, stopping suddenly before her, &#8220;I made one blunder, but that, even that, is all for the best.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What blunder, and why is it for the best?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll tell you. He is a man of weak and timorous character; he has suffered so much and is very good-natured. I keep wondering why he took offense so suddenly, for I assure you, up to the last minute, he did not know that he was going to trample on the notes. And I think now that there was a great deal to offend him ... and it could not have been otherwise in his position.... To begin with, he was sore at having been so glad of the money in my presence and not having concealed it from me. If he had been pleased, but not so much; if he had not shown it; if he had begun affecting scruples and difficulties, as other people do when they take money, he might still endure to take it. But he was too genuinely delighted, and that was mortifying. Ah, Lise, he is a good and truthful man&#8212;that's the worst of the whole business. All the while he talked, his voice was so weak, so broken, he talked so fast, so fast, he kept laughing such a laugh, or perhaps he was crying&#8212;yes, I am sure he was crying, he was so delighted&#8212;and he talked about his daughters&#8212;and about the situation he could get in another town.... And when he had poured out his heart, he felt ashamed at having shown me his inmost soul like that. So he began to hate me at once. He is one of those awfully sensitive poor people. What had made him feel most ashamed was that he had given in too soon and accepted me as a friend, you see. At first he almost flew at me and tried to intimidate me, but as soon as he saw the money he had begun embracing me; he kept touching me with his hands. This must have been how he came to feel it all so humiliating, and then I made that blunder, a very important one. I suddenly said to him that if he had not money enough to move to another town, we would give it to him, and, indeed, I myself would give him as much as he wanted out of my own money. That struck him all at once. Why, he thought, did I put myself forward to help him? You know, Lise, it's awfully hard for a man who has been injured, when other people look at him as though they were his benefactors.... I've heard that; Father Zossima told me so. I don't know how to put it, but I have often seen it myself. And I feel like that myself, too. And the worst of it was that though he did not know, up to the very last minute, that he would trample on the notes, he had a kind of presentiment of it, I am sure of that. That's just what made him so ecstatic, that he had that presentiment.... And though it's so dreadful, it's all for the best. In fact, I believe nothing better could have happened.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, why could nothing better have happened?&#8221; cried Lise, looking with great surprise at Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Because if he had taken the money, in an hour after getting home, he would be crying with mortification, that's just what would have happened. And most likely he would have come to me early to-morrow, and perhaps have flung the notes at me and trampled upon them as he did just now. But now he has gone home awfully proud and triumphant, though he knows he has &#8216;ruined himself.' So now nothing could be easier than to make him accept the two hundred roubles by to-morrow, for he has already vindicated his honor, tossed away the money, and trampled it under foot.... He couldn't know when he did it that I should bring it to him again to-morrow, and yet he is in terrible need of that money. Though he is proud of himself now, yet even to-day he'll be thinking what a help he has lost. He will think of it more than ever at night, will dream of it, and by to-morrow morning he may be ready to run to me to ask forgiveness. It's just then that I'll appear. &#8216;Here, you are a proud man,' I shall say: &#8216;you have shown it; but now take the money and forgive us!' And then he will take it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha was carried away with joy as he uttered his last words, &#8220;And then he will take it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt; Lise clapped her hands. &#8220;Ah, that's true! I understand that perfectly now. Ah, Alyosha, how do you know all this? So young and yet he knows what's in the heart.... I should never have worked it out.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The great thing now is to persuade him that he is on an equal footing with us, in spite of his taking money from us,&#8221; Alyosha went on in his excitement, &#8220;and not only on an equal, but even on a higher footing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;On a higher footing' is charming, Alexey Fyodorovitch; but go on, go on!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You mean there isn't such an expression as &#8216;on a higher footing'; but that doesn't matter because&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, of course it doesn't matter. Forgive me, Alyosha, dear.... You know, I scarcely respected you till now&#8212;that is I respected you but on an equal footing; but now I shall begin to respect you on a higher footing. Don't be angry, dear, at my joking,&#8221; she put in at once, with strong feeling. &#8220;I am absurd and small, but you, you! Listen, Alexey Fyodorovitch. Isn't there in all our analysis&#8212;I mean your analysis ... no, better call it ours&#8212;aren't we showing contempt for him, for that poor man&#8212;in analyzing his soul like this, as it were, from above, eh? In deciding so certainly that he will take the money?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Lise, it's not contempt,&#8221; Alyosha answered, as though he had prepared himself for the question. &#8220;I was thinking of that on the way here. How can it be contempt when we are all like him, when we are all just the same as he is? For you know we are just the same, no better. If we are better, we should have been just the same in his place.... I don't know about you, Lise, but I consider that I have a sordid soul in many ways, and his soul is not sordid; on the contrary, full of fine feeling.... No, Lise, I have no contempt for him. Do you know, Lise, my elder told me once to care for most people exactly as one would for children, and for some of them as one would for the sick in hospitals.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, Alexey Fyodorovitch, dear, let us care for people as we would for the sick!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let us, Lise; I am ready. Though I am not altogether ready in myself. I am sometimes very impatient and at other times I don't see things. It's different with you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, I don't believe it! Alexey Fyodorovitch, how happy I am!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am so glad you say so, Lise.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alexey Fyodorovitch, you are wonderfully good, but you are sometimes sort of formal.... And yet you are not a bit formal really. Go to the door, open it gently, and see whether mamma is listening,&#8221; said Lise, in a nervous, hurried whisper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha went, opened the door, and reported that no one was listening.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come here, Alexey Fyodorovitch,&#8221; Lise went on, flushing redder and redder. &#8220;Give me your hand&#8212;that's right. I have to make a great confession, I didn't write to you yesterday in joke, but in earnest,&#8221; and she hid her eyes with her hand. It was evident that she was greatly ashamed of the confession.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly she snatched his hand and impulsively kissed it three times.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, Lise, what a good thing!&#8221; cried Alyosha joyfully. &#8220;You know, I was perfectly sure you were in earnest.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sure? Upon my word!&#8221; She put aside his hand, but did not leave go of it, blushing hotly, and laughing a little happy laugh. &#8220;I kiss his hand and he says, &#8216;What a good thing!' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But her reproach was undeserved. Alyosha, too, was greatly overcome.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should like to please you always, Lise, but I don't know how to do it,&#8221; he muttered, blushing too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, dear, you are cold and rude. Do you see? He has chosen me as his wife and is quite settled about it. He is sure I was in earnest. What a thing to say! Why, that's impertinence&#8212;that's what it is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, was it wrong of me to feel sure?&#8221; Alyosha asked, laughing suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, Alyosha, on the contrary, it was delightfully right,&#8221; cried Lise, looking tenderly and happily at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha stood still, holding her hand in his. Suddenly he stooped down and kissed her on her lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, what are you doing?&#8221; cried Lise. Alyosha was terribly abashed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, forgive me if I shouldn't.... Perhaps I'm awfully stupid.... You said I was cold, so I kissed you.... But I see it was stupid.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lise laughed, and hid her face in her hands. &#8220;And in that dress!&#8221; she ejaculated in the midst of her mirth. But she suddenly ceased laughing and became serious, almost stern.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, we must put off kissing. We are not ready for that yet, and we shall have a long time to wait,&#8221; she ended suddenly. &#8220;Tell me rather why you who are so clever, so intellectual, so observant, choose a little idiot, an invalid like me? Ah, Alyosha, I am awfully happy, for I don't deserve you a bit.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You do, Lise. I shall be leaving the monastery altogether in a few days. If I go into the world, I must marry. I know that. &lt;i&gt;He&lt;/i&gt; told me to marry, too. Whom could I marry better than you&#8212;and who would have me except you? I have been thinking it over. In the first place, you've known me from a child and you've a great many qualities I haven't. You are more light-hearted than I am; above all, you are more innocent than I am. I have been brought into contact with many, many things already.... Ah, you don't know, but I, too, am a Karamazov. What does it matter if you do laugh and make jokes, and at me, too? Go on laughing. I am so glad you do. You laugh like a little child, but you think like a martyr.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Like a martyr? How?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Lise, your question just now: whether we weren't showing contempt for that poor man by dissecting his soul&#8212;that was the question of a sufferer.... You see, I don't know how to express it, but anyone who thinks of such questions is capable of suffering. Sitting in your invalid chair you must have thought over many things already.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, give me your hand. Why are you taking it away?&#8221; murmured Lise in a failing voice, weak with happiness. &#8220;Listen, Alyosha. What will you wear when you come out of the monastery? What sort of suit? Don't laugh, don't be angry, it's very, very important to me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I haven't thought about the suit, Lise; but I'll wear whatever you like.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should like you to have a dark blue velvet coat, a white piqu&#233; waistcoat, and a soft gray felt hat.... Tell me, did you believe that I didn't care for you when I said I didn't mean what I wrote?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I didn't believe it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, you insupportable person, you are incorrigible.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see, I knew that you&#8212;seemed to care for me, but I pretended to believe that you didn't care for me to make it&#8212;easier for you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That makes it worse! Worse and better than all! Alyosha, I am awfully fond of you. Just before you came this morning, I tried my fortune. I decided I would ask you for my letter, and if you brought it out calmly and gave it to me (as might have been expected from you) it would mean that you did not love me at all, that you felt nothing, and were simply a stupid boy, good for nothing, and that I am ruined. But you left the letter at home and that cheered me. You left it behind on purpose, so as not to give it back, because you knew I would ask for it? That was it, wasn't it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, Lise, it was not so a bit. The letter is with me now, and it was this morning, in this pocket. Here it is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha pulled the letter out laughing, and showed it her at a distance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I am not going to give it to you. Look at it from here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, then you told a lie? You, a monk, told a lie!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I told a lie if you like,&#8221; Alyosha laughed, too. &#8220;I told a lie so as not to give you back the letter. It's very precious to me,&#8221; he added suddenly, with strong feeling, and again he flushed. &#8220;It always will be, and I won't give it up to any one!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lise looked at him joyfully. &#8220;Alyosha,&#8221; she murmured again, &#8220;look at the door. Isn't mamma listening?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well, Lise, I'll look; but wouldn't it be better not to look? Why suspect your mother of such meanness?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What meanness? As for her spying on her daughter, it's her right, it's not meanness!&#8221; cried Lise, firing up. &#8220;You may be sure, Alexey Fyodorovitch, that when I am a mother, if I have a daughter like myself I shall certainly spy on her!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Really, Lise? That's not right.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, my goodness! What has meanness to do with it? If she were listening to some ordinary worldly conversation, it would be meanness, but when her own daughter is shut up with a young man.... Listen, Alyosha, do you know I shall spy upon you as soon as we are married, and let me tell you I shall open all your letters and read them, so you may as well be prepared.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, of course, if so&#8212;&#8221; muttered Alyosha, &#8220;only it's not right.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, how contemptuous! Alyosha, dear, we won't quarrel the very first day. I'd better tell you the whole truth. Of course, it's very wrong to spy on people, and, of course, I am not right and you are, only I shall spy on you all the same.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do, then; you won't find out anything,&#8221; laughed Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And, Alyosha, will you give in to me? We must decide that too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall be delighted to, Lise, and certain to, only not in the most important things. Even if you don't agree with me, I shall do my duty in the most important things.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's right; but let me tell you I am ready to give in to you not only in the most important matters, but in everything. And I am ready to vow to do so now&#8212;in everything, and for all my life!&#8221; cried Lise fervently, &#8220;and I'll do it gladly, gladly! What's more, I'll swear never to spy on you, never once, never to read one of your letters. For you are right and I am not. And though I shall be awfully tempted to spy, I know that I won't do it since you consider it dishonorable. You are my conscience now.... Listen, Alexey Fyodorovitch, why have you been so sad lately&#8212;both yesterday and to-day? I know you have a lot of anxiety and trouble, but I see you have some special grief besides, some secret one, perhaps?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Lise, I have a secret one, too,&#8221; answered Alyosha mournfully. &#8220;I see you love me, since you guessed that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What grief? What about? Can you tell me?&#8221; asked Lise with timid entreaty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll tell you later, Lise&#8212;afterwards,&#8221; said Alyosha, confused. &#8220;Now you wouldn't understand it perhaps&#8212;and perhaps I couldn't explain it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know your brothers and your father are worrying you, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, my brothers too,&#8221; murmured Alyosha, pondering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't like your brother Ivan, Alyosha,&#8221; said Lise suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He noticed this remark with some surprise, but did not answer it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My brothers are destroying themselves,&#8221; he went on, &#8220;my father, too. And they are destroying others with them. It's &#8216;the primitive force of the Karamazovs,' as Father Pa&#239;ssy said the other day, a crude, unbridled, earthly force. Does the spirit of God move above that force? Even that I don't know. I only know that I, too, am a Karamazov.... Me a monk, a monk! Am I a monk, Lise? You said just now that I was.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I did.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And perhaps I don't even believe in God.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't believe? What is the matter?&#8221; said Lise quietly and gently. But Alyosha did not answer. There was something too mysterious, too subjective in these last words of his, perhaps obscure to himself, but yet torturing him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And now on the top of it all, my friend, the best man in the world, is going, is leaving the earth! If you knew, Lise, how bound up in soul I am with him! And then I shall be left alone.... I shall come to you, Lise.... For the future we will be together.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, together, together! Henceforward we shall be always together, all our lives! Listen, kiss me, I allow you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha kissed her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, now go. Christ be with you!&#8221; and she made the sign of the cross over him. &#8220;Make haste back to &lt;i&gt;him&lt;/i&gt; while he is alive. I see I've kept you cruelly. I'll pray to-day for him and you. Alyosha, we shall be happy! Shall we be happy, shall we?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I believe we shall, Lise.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha thought it better not to go in to Madame Hohlakov and was going out of the house without saying good-by to her. But no sooner had he opened the door than he found Madame Hohlakov standing before him. From the first word Alyosha guessed that she had been waiting on purpose to meet him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alexey Fyodorovitch, this is awful. This is all childish nonsense and ridiculous. I trust you won't dream&#8212;It's foolishness, nothing but foolishness!&#8221; she said, attacking him at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Only don't tell her that,&#8221; said Alyosha, &#8220;or she will be upset, and that's bad for her now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sensible advice from a sensible young man. Am I to understand that you only agreed with her from compassion for her invalid state, because you didn't want to irritate her by contradiction?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, not at all. I was quite serious in what I said,&#8221; Alyosha declared stoutly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be serious about it is impossible, unthinkable, and in the first place I shall never be at home to you again, and I shall take her away, you may be sure of that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why?&#8221; asked Alyosha. &#8220;It's all so far off. We may have to wait another year and a half.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, Alexey Fyodorovitch, that's true, of course, and you'll have time to quarrel and separate a thousand times in a year and a half. But I am so unhappy! Though it's such nonsense, it's a great blow to me. I feel like Famusov in the last scene of &lt;i&gt;Sorrow from Wit&lt;/i&gt;. You are Tchatsky and she is Sofya, and, only fancy, I've run down to meet you on the stairs, and in the play the fatal scene takes place on the staircase. I heard it all; I almost dropped. So this is the explanation of her dreadful night and her hysterics of late! It means love to the daughter but death to the mother. I might as well be in my grave at once. And a more serious matter still, what is this letter she has written? Show it me at once, at once!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, there's no need. Tell me, how is Katerina Ivanovna now? I must know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She still lies in delirium; she has not regained consciousness. Her aunts are here; but they do nothing but sigh and give themselves airs. Herzenstube came, and he was so alarmed that I didn't know what to do for him. I nearly sent for a doctor to look after him. He was driven home in my carriage. And on the top of it all, you and this letter! It's true nothing can happen for a year and a half. In the name of all that's holy, in the name of your dying elder, show me that letter, Alexey Fyodorovitch. I'm her mother. Hold it in your hand, if you like, and I will read it so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I won't show it to you. Even if she sanctioned it, I wouldn't. I am coming to-morrow, and if you like, we can talk over many things, but now good-by!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Alyosha ran downstairs and into the street.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II. SMERDYAKOV WITH A GUITAR&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;He had no time to lose indeed. Even while he was saying good-by to Lise, the thought had struck him that he must attempt some stratagem to find his brother Dmitri, who was evidently keeping out of his way. It was getting late, nearly three o'clock. Alyosha's whole soul turned to the monastery, to his dying saint, but the necessity of seeing Dmitri outweighed everything. The conviction that a great inevitable catastrophe was about to happen grew stronger in Alyosha's mind with every hour. What that catastrophe was, and what he would say at that moment to his brother, he could perhaps not have said definitely. &#8220;Even if my benefactor must die without me, anyway I won't have to reproach myself all my life with the thought that I might have saved something and did not, but passed by and hastened home. If I do as I intend, I shall be following his great precept.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His plan was to catch his brother Dmitri unawares, to climb over the fence, as he had the day before, get into the garden and sit in the summer-house. If Dmitri were not there, thought Alyosha, he would not announce himself to Foma or the women of the house, but would remain hidden in the summer-house, even if he had to wait there till evening. If, as before, Dmitri were lying in wait for Grushenka to come, he would be very likely to come to the summer-house. Alyosha did not, however, give much thought to the details of his plan, but resolved to act upon it, even if it meant not getting back to the monastery that day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everything happened without hindrance, he climbed over the hurdle almost in the same spot as the day before, and stole into the summer-house unseen. He did not want to be noticed. The woman of the house and Foma too, if he were here, might be loyal to his brother and obey his instructions, and so refuse to let Alyosha come into the garden, or might warn Dmitri that he was being sought and inquired for.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was no one in the summer-house. Alyosha sat down and began to wait. He looked round the summer-house, which somehow struck him as a great deal more ancient than before. Though the day was just as fine as yesterday, it seemed a wretched little place this time. There was a circle on the table, left no doubt from the glass of brandy having been spilt the day before. Foolish and irrelevant ideas strayed about his mind, as they always do in a time of tedious waiting. He wondered, for instance, why he had sat down precisely in the same place as before, why not in the other seat. At last he felt very depressed&#8212;depressed by suspense and uncertainty. But he had not sat there more than a quarter of an hour, when he suddenly heard the thrum of a guitar somewhere quite close. People were sitting, or had only just sat down, somewhere in the bushes not more than twenty paces away. Alyosha suddenly recollected that on coming out of the summer-house the day before, he had caught a glimpse of an old green low garden-seat among the bushes on the left, by the fence. The people must be sitting on it now. Who were they?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A man's voice suddenly began singing in a sugary falsetto, accompanying himself on the guitar:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;With invincible force&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I am bound to my dear.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
O Lord, have mercy&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On her and on me!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On her and on me!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On her and on me!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The voice ceased. It was a lackey's tenor and a lackey's song. Another voice, a woman's, suddenly asked insinuatingly and bashfully, though with mincing affectation:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why haven't you been to see us for so long, Pavel Fyodorovitch? Why do you always look down upon us?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not at all,&#8221; answered a man's voice politely, but with emphatic dignity. It was clear that the man had the best of the position, and that the woman was making advances. &#8220;I believe the man must be Smerdyakov,&#8221; thought Alyosha, &#8220;from his voice. And the lady must be the daughter of the house here, who has come from Moscow, the one who wears the dress with a tail and goes to Marfa for soup.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am awfully fond of verses of all kinds, if they rhyme,&#8221; the woman's voice continued. &#8220;Why don't you go on?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The man sang again:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;What do I care for royal wealth&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If but my dear one be in health?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lord have mercy&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On her and on me!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On her and on me!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On her and on me!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;It was even better last time,&#8221; observed the woman's voice. &#8220;You sang &#8216;If my darling be in health'; it sounded more tender. I suppose you've forgotten to-day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Poetry is rubbish!&#8221; said Smerdyakov curtly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no! I am very fond of poetry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So far as it's poetry, it's essential rubbish. Consider yourself, who ever talks in rhyme? And if we were all to talk in rhyme, even though it were decreed by government, we shouldn't say much, should we? Poetry is no good, Marya Kondratyevna.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How clever you are! How is it you've gone so deep into everything?&#8221; The woman's voice was more and more insinuating.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I could have done better than that. I could have known more than that, if it had not been for my destiny from my childhood up. I would have shot a man in a duel if he called me names because I am descended from a filthy beggar and have no father. And they used to throw it in my teeth in Moscow. It had reached them from here, thanks to Grigory Vassilyevitch. Grigory Vassilyevitch blames me for rebelling against my birth, but I would have sanctioned their killing me before I was born that I might not have come into the world at all. They used to say in the market, and your mamma too, with great lack of delicacy, set off telling me that her hair was like a mat on her head, and that she was short of five foot by a wee bit. Why talk of a wee bit while she might have said &#8216;a little bit,' like every one else? She wanted to make it touching, a regular peasant's feeling. Can a Russian peasant be said to feel, in comparison with an educated man? He can't be said to have feeling at all, in his ignorance. From my childhood up when I hear &#8216;a wee bit,' I am ready to burst with rage. I hate all Russia, Marya Kondratyevna.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you'd been a cadet in the army, or a young hussar, you wouldn't have talked like that, but would have drawn your saber to defend all Russia.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't want to be a hussar, Marya Kondratyevna, and, what's more, I should like to abolish all soldiers.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And when an enemy comes, who is going to defend us?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's no need of defense. In 1812 there was a great invasion of Russia by Napoleon, first Emperor of the French, father of the present one, and it would have been a good thing if they had conquered us. A clever nation would have conquered a very stupid one and annexed it. We should have had quite different institutions.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are they so much better in their own country than we are? I wouldn't change a dandy I know of for three young Englishmen,&#8221; observed Marya Kondratyevna tenderly, doubtless accompanying her words with a most languishing glance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's as one prefers.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you are just like a foreigner&#8212;just like a most gentlemanly foreigner. I tell you that, though it makes me bashful.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you care to know, the folks there and ours here are just alike in their vice. They are swindlers, only there the scoundrel wears polished boots and here he grovels in filth and sees no harm in it. The Russian people want thrashing, as Fyodor Pavlovitch said very truly yesterday, though he is mad, and all his children.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You said yourself you had such a respect for Ivan Fyodorovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But he said I was a stinking lackey. He thinks that I might be unruly. He is mistaken there. If I had a certain sum in my pocket, I would have left here long ago. Dmitri Fyodorovitch is lower than any lackey in his behavior, in his mind, and in his poverty. He doesn't know how to do anything, and yet he is respected by every one. I may be only a soup-maker, but with luck I could open a caf&#233; restaurant in Petrovka, in Moscow, for my cookery is something special, and there's no one in Moscow, except the foreigners, whose cookery is anything special. Dmitri Fyodorovitch is a beggar, but if he were to challenge the son of the first count in the country, he'd fight him. Though in what way is he better than I am? For he is ever so much stupider than I am. Look at the money he has wasted without any need!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It must be lovely, a duel,&#8221; Marya Kondratyevna observed suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How so?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It must be so dreadful and so brave, especially when young officers with pistols in their hands pop at one another for the sake of some lady. A perfect picture! Ah, if only girls were allowed to look on, I'd give anything to see one!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's all very well when you are firing at some one, but when he is firing straight in your mug, you must feel pretty silly. You'd be glad to run away, Marya Kondratyevna.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't mean you would run away?&#8221; But Smerdyakov did not deign to reply. After a moment's silence the guitar tinkled again, and he sang again in the same falsetto:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Whatever you may say,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I shall go far away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Life will be bright and gay&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the city far away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I shall not grieve,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I shall not grieve at all,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I don't intend to grieve at all.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Then something unexpected happened. Alyosha suddenly sneezed. They were silent. Alyosha got up and walked towards them. He found Smerdyakov dressed up and wearing polished boots, his hair pomaded, and perhaps curled. The guitar lay on the garden-seat. His companion was the daughter of the house, wearing a light-blue dress with a train two yards long. She was young and would not have been bad-looking, but that her face was so round and terribly freckled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Will my brother Dmitri soon be back?&#8221; asked Alyosha with as much composure as he could.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov got up slowly; Marya Kondratyevna rose too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How am I to know about Dmitri Fyodorovitch? It's not as if I were his keeper,&#8221; answered Smerdyakov quietly, distinctly, and superciliously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I simply asked whether you do know?&#8221; Alyosha explained.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know nothing of his whereabouts and don't want to.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But my brother told me that you let him know all that goes on in the house, and promised to let him know when Agrafena Alexandrovna comes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov turned a deliberate, unmoved glance upon him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And how did you get in this time, since the gate was bolted an hour ago?&#8221; he asked, looking at Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I came in from the back-alley, over the fence, and went straight to the summer-house. I hope you'll forgive me,&#8221; he added, addressing Marya Kondratyevna. &#8220;I was in a hurry to find my brother.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ach, as though we could take it amiss in you!&#8221; drawled Marya Kondratyevna, flattered by Alyosha's apology. &#8220;For Dmitri Fyodorovitch often goes to the summer-house in that way. We don't know he is here and he is sitting in the summer-house.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am very anxious to find him, or to learn from you where he is now. Believe me, it's on business of great importance to him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He never tells us,&#8221; lisped Marya Kondratyevna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Though I used to come here as a friend,&#8221; Smerdyakov began again, &#8220;Dmitri Fyodorovitch has pestered me in a merciless way even here by his incessant questions about the master. &#8216;What news?' he'll ask. &#8216;What's going on in there now? Who's coming and going?' and can't I tell him something more. Twice already he's threatened me with death.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;With death?&#8221; Alyosha exclaimed in surprise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you suppose he'd think much of that, with his temper, which you had a chance of observing yourself yesterday? He says if I let Agrafena Alexandrovna in and she passes the night there, I'll be the first to suffer for it. I am terribly afraid of him, and if I were not even more afraid of doing so, I ought to let the police know. God only knows what he might not do!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;His honor said to him the other day, &#8216;I'll pound you in a mortar!' &#8221; added Marya Kondratyevna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, if it's pounding in a mortar, it may be only talk,&#8221; observed Alyosha. &#8220;If I could meet him, I might speak to him about that too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, the only thing I can tell you is this,&#8221; said Smerdyakov, as though thinking better of it; &#8220;I am here as an old friend and neighbor, and it would be odd if I didn't come. On the other hand, Ivan Fyodorovitch sent me first thing this morning to your brother's lodging in Lake Street, without a letter, but with a message to Dmitri Fyodorovitch to go to dine with him at the restaurant here, in the market-place. I went, but didn't find Dmitri Fyodorovitch at home, though it was eight o'clock. &#8216;He's been here, but he is quite gone,' those were the very words of his landlady. It's as though there was an understanding between them. Perhaps at this moment he is in the restaurant with Ivan Fyodorovitch, for Ivan Fyodorovitch has not been home to dinner and Fyodor Pavlovitch dined alone an hour ago, and is gone to lie down. But I beg you most particularly not to speak of me and of what I have told you, for he'd kill me for nothing at all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother Ivan invited Dmitri to the restaurant to-day?&#8221; repeated Alyosha quickly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The Metropolis tavern in the market-place?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The very same.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's quite likely,&#8221; cried Alyosha, much excited. &#8220;Thank you, Smerdyakov; that's important. I'll go there at once.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't betray me,&#8221; Smerdyakov called after him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, I'll go to the tavern as though by chance. Don't be anxious.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But wait a minute, I'll open the gate to you,&#8221; cried Marya Kondratyevna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; it's a short cut, I'll get over the fence again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What he had heard threw Alyosha into great agitation. He ran to the tavern. It was impossible for him to go into the tavern in his monastic dress, but he could inquire at the entrance for his brothers and call them down. But just as he reached the tavern, a window was flung open, and his brother Ivan called down to him from it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, can't you come up here to me? I shall be awfully grateful.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be sure I can, only I don't quite know whether in this dress&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I am in a room apart. Come up the steps; I'll run down to meet you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A minute later Alyosha was sitting beside his brother. Ivan was alone dining.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III. THE BROTHERS MAKE FRIENDS&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Ivan was not, however, in a separate room, but only in a place shut off by a screen, so that it was unseen by other people in the room. It was the first room from the entrance with a buffet along the wall. Waiters were continually darting to and fro in it. The only customer in the room was an old retired military man drinking tea in a corner. But there was the usual bustle going on in the other rooms of the tavern; there were shouts for the waiters, the sound of popping corks, the click of billiard balls, the drone of the organ. Alyosha knew that Ivan did not usually visit this tavern and disliked taverns in general. So he must have come here, he reflected, simply to meet Dmitri by arrangement. Yet Dmitri was not there.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Shall I order you fish, soup or anything. You don't live on tea alone, I suppose,&#8221; cried Ivan, apparently delighted at having got hold of Alyosha. He had finished dinner and was drinking tea.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let me have soup, and tea afterwards, I am hungry,&#8221; said Alyosha gayly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And cherry jam? They have it here. You remember how you used to love cherry jam when you were little?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You remember that? Let me have jam too, I like it still.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan rang for the waiter and ordered soup, jam and tea.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I remember everything, Alyosha, I remember you till you were eleven, I was nearly fifteen. There's such a difference between fifteen and eleven that brothers are never companions at those ages. I don't know whether I was fond of you even. When I went away to Moscow for the first few years I never thought of you at all. Then, when you came to Moscow yourself, we only met once somewhere, I believe. And now I've been here more than three months, and so far we have scarcely said a word to each other. To-morrow I am going away, and I was just thinking as I sat here how I could see you to say good-by and just then you passed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Were you very anxious to see me, then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very. I want to get to know you once for all, and I want you to know me. And then to say good-by. I believe it's always best to get to know people just before leaving them. I've noticed how you've been looking at me these three months. There has been a continual look of expectation in your eyes, and I can't endure that. That's how it is I've kept away from you. But in the end I have learned to respect you. The little man stands firm, I thought. Though I am laughing, I am serious. You do stand firm, don't you? I like people who are firm like that whatever it is they stand by, even if they are such little fellows as you. Your expectant eyes ceased to annoy me, I grew fond of them in the end, those expectant eyes. You seem to love me for some reason, Alyosha?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I do love you, Ivan. Dmitri says of you&#8212;Ivan is a tomb! I say of you, Ivan is a riddle. You are a riddle to me even now. But I understand something in you, and I did not understand it till this morning.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's that?&#8221; laughed Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You won't be angry?&#8221; Alyosha laughed too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That you are just as young as other young men of three and twenty, that you are just a young and fresh and nice boy, green in fact! Now, have I insulted you dreadfully?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;On the contrary, I am struck by a coincidence,&#8221; cried Ivan, warmly and good-humoredly. &#8220;Would you believe it that ever since that scene with her, I have thought of nothing else but my youthful greenness, and just as though you guessed that, you begin about it. Do you know I've been sitting here thinking to myself: that if I didn't believe in life, if I lost faith in the woman I love, lost faith in the order of things, were convinced in fact that everything is a disorderly, damnable, and perhaps devil-ridden chaos, if I were struck by every horror of man's disillusionment&#8212;still I should want to live and, having once tasted of the cup, I would not turn away from it till I had drained it! At thirty, though, I shall be sure to leave the cup, even if I've not emptied it, and turn away&#8212;where I don't know. But till I am thirty, I know that my youth will triumph over everything&#8212;every disillusionment, every disgust with life. I've asked myself many times whether there is in the world any despair that would overcome this frantic and perhaps unseemly thirst for life in me, and I've come to the conclusion that there isn't, that is till I am thirty, and then I shall lose it of myself, I fancy. Some driveling consumptive moralists&#8212;and poets especially&#8212;often call that thirst for life base. It's a feature of the Karamazovs, it's true, that thirst for life regardless of everything; you have it no doubt too, but why is it base? The centripetal force on our planet is still fearfully strong, Alyosha. I have a longing for life, and I go on living in spite of logic. Though I may not believe in the order of the universe, yet I love the sticky little leaves as they open in spring. I love the blue sky, I love some people, whom one loves you know sometimes without knowing why. I love some great deeds done by men, though I've long ceased perhaps to have faith in them, yet from old habit one's heart prizes them. Here they have brought the soup for you, eat it, it will do you good. It's first-rate soup, they know how to make it here. I want to travel in Europe, Alyosha, I shall set off from here. And yet I know that I am only going to a graveyard, but it's a most precious graveyard, that's what it is! Precious are the dead that lie there, every stone over them speaks of such burning life in the past, of such passionate faith in their work, their truth, their struggle and their science, that I know I shall fall on the ground and kiss those stones and weep over them; though I'm convinced in my heart that it's long been nothing but a graveyard. And I shall not weep from despair, but simply because I shall be happy in my tears, I shall steep my soul in my emotion. I love the sticky leaves in spring, the blue sky&#8212;that's all it is. It's not a matter of intellect or logic, it's loving with one's inside, with one's stomach. One loves the first strength of one's youth. Do you understand anything of my tirade, Alyosha?&#8221; Ivan laughed suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I understand too well, Ivan. One longs to love with one's inside, with one's stomach. You said that so well and I am awfully glad that you have such a longing for life,&#8221; cried Alyosha. &#8220;I think every one should love life above everything in the world.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Love life more than the meaning of it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly, love it, regardless of logic as you say, it must be regardless of logic, and it's only then one will understand the meaning of it. I have thought so a long time. Half your work is done, Ivan, you love life, now you've only to try to do the second half and you are saved.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are trying to save me, but perhaps I am not lost! And what does your second half mean?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, one has to raise up your dead, who perhaps have not died after all. Come, let me have tea. I am so glad of our talk, Ivan.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I see you are feeling inspired. I am awfully fond of such &lt;i&gt;professions de foi&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb18&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;professions de foi &#8211; declaration of beliefs&#034; id=&#034;nh18&#034;&gt;18&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; from such&#8212;novices. You are a steadfast person, Alexey. Is it true that you mean to leave the monastery?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, my elder sends me out into the world.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We shall see each other then in the world. We shall meet before I am thirty, when I shall begin to turn aside from the cup. Father doesn't want to turn aside from his cup till he is seventy, he dreams of hanging on to eighty in fact, so he says. He means it only too seriously, though he is a buffoon. He stands on a firm rock, too, he stands on his sensuality&#8212;though after we are thirty, indeed, there may be nothing else to stand on.... But to hang on to seventy is nasty, better only to thirty; one might retain &#8216;a shadow of nobility' by deceiving oneself. Have you seen Dmitri to-day?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, but I saw Smerdyakov,&#8221; and Alyosha rapidly, though minutely, described his meeting with Smerdyakov. Ivan began listening anxiously and questioned him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But he begged me not to tell Dmitri that he had told me about him,&#8221; added Alyosha. Ivan frowned and pondered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you frowning on Smerdyakov's account?&#8221; asked Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, on his account. Damn him, I certainly did want to see Dmitri, but now there's no need,&#8221; said Ivan reluctantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But are you really going so soon, brother?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What of Dmitri and father? how will it end?&#8221; asked Alyosha anxiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are always harping upon it! What have I to do with it? Am I my brother Dmitri's keeper?&#8221; Ivan snapped irritably, but then he suddenly smiled bitterly. &#8220;Cain's answer about his murdered brother, wasn't it? Perhaps that's what you're thinking at this moment? Well, damn it all, I can't stay here to be their keeper, can I? I've finished what I had to do, and I am going. Do you imagine I am jealous of Dmitri, that I've been trying to steal his beautiful Katerina Ivanovna for the last three months? Nonsense, I had business of my own. I finished it. I am going. I finished it just now, you were witness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At Katerina Ivanovna's?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, and I've released myself once for all. And after all, what have I to do with Dmitri? Dmitri doesn't come in. I had my own business to settle with Katerina Ivanovna. You know, on the contrary, that Dmitri behaved as though there was an understanding between us. I didn't ask him to do it, but he solemnly handed her over to me and gave us his blessing. It's all too funny. Ah, Alyosha, if you only knew how light my heart is now! Would you believe, it, I sat here eating my dinner and was nearly ordering champagne to celebrate my first hour of freedom. Tfoo! It's been going on nearly six months, and all at once I've thrown it off. I could never have guessed even yesterday, how easy it would be to put an end to it if I wanted.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are speaking of your love, Ivan?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of my love, if you like. I fell in love with the young lady, I worried myself over her and she worried me. I sat watching over her ... and all at once it's collapsed! I spoke this morning with inspiration, but I went away and roared with laughter. Would you believe it? Yes, it's the literal truth.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You seem very merry about it now,&#8221; observed Alyosha, looking into his face, which had suddenly grown brighter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But how could I tell that I didn't care for her a bit! Ha ha! It appears after all I didn't. And yet how she attracted me! How attractive she was just now when I made my speech! And do you know she attracts me awfully even now, yet how easy it is to leave her. Do you think I am boasting?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, only perhaps it wasn't love.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha,&#8221; laughed Ivan, &#8220;don't make reflections about love, it's unseemly for you. How you rushed into the discussion this morning! I've forgotten to kiss you for it.... But how she tormented me! It certainly was sitting by a &#8216;laceration.' Ah, she knew how I loved her! She loved me and not Dmitri,&#8221; Ivan insisted gayly. &#8220;Her feeling for Dmitri was simply a self-laceration. All I told her just now was perfectly true, but the worst of it is, it may take her fifteen or twenty years to find out that she doesn't care for Dmitri, and loves me whom she torments, and perhaps she may never find it out at all, in spite of her lesson to-day. Well, it's better so; I can simply go away for good. By the way, how is she now? What happened after I departed?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha told him she had been hysterical, and that she was now, he heard, unconscious and delirious.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Isn't Madame Hohlakov laying it on?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think not.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must find out. Nobody dies of hysterics, though. They don't matter. God gave woman hysterics as a relief. I won't go to her at all. Why push myself forward again?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you told her that she had never cared for you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I did that on purpose. Alyosha, shall I call for some champagne? Let us drink to my freedom. Ah, if only you knew how glad I am!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, brother, we had better not drink,&#8221; said Alyosha suddenly. &#8220;Besides I feel somehow depressed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, you've been depressed a long time, I've noticed it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you settled to go to-morrow morning, then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Morning? I didn't say I should go in the morning.... But perhaps it may be the morning. Would you believe it, I dined here to-day only to avoid dining with the old man, I loathe him so. I should have left long ago, so far as he is concerned. But why are you so worried about my going away? We've plenty of time before I go, an eternity!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you are going away to-morrow, what do you mean by an eternity?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what does it matter to us?&#8221; laughed Ivan. &#8220;We've time enough for our talk, for what brought us here. Why do you look so surprised? Answer: why have we met here? To talk of my love for Katerina Ivanovna, of the old man and Dmitri? of foreign travel? of the fatal position of Russia? Of the Emperor Napoleon? Is that it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then you know what for. It's different for other people; but we in our green youth have to settle the eternal questions first of all. That's what we care about. Young Russia is talking about nothing but the eternal questions now. Just when the old folks are all taken up with practical questions. Why have you been looking at me in expectation for the last three months? To ask me, &#8216;What do you believe, or don't you believe at all?' That's what your eyes have been meaning for these three months, haven't they?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps so,&#8221; smiled Alyosha. &#8220;You are not laughing at me, now, Ivan?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Me laughing! I don't want to wound my little brother who has been watching me with such expectation for three months. Alyosha, look straight at me! Of course I am just such a little boy as you are, only not a novice. And what have Russian boys been doing up till now, some of them, I mean? In this stinking tavern, for instance, here, they meet and sit down in a corner. They've never met in their lives before and, when they go out of the tavern, they won't meet again for forty years. And what do they talk about in that momentary halt in the tavern? Of the eternal questions, of the existence of God and immortality. And those who do not believe in God talk of socialism or anarchism, of the transformation of all humanity on a new pattern, so that it all comes to the same, they're the same questions turned inside out. And masses, masses of the most original Russian boys do nothing but talk of the eternal questions! Isn't it so?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, for real Russians the questions of God's existence and of immortality, or, as you say, the same questions turned inside out, come first and foremost, of course, and so they should,&#8221; said Alyosha, still watching his brother with the same gentle and inquiring smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Alyosha, it's sometimes very unwise to be a Russian at all, but anything stupider than the way Russian boys spend their time one can hardly imagine. But there's one Russian boy called Alyosha I am awfully fond of.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How nicely you put that in!&#8221; Alyosha laughed suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, tell me where to begin, give your orders. The existence of God, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Begin where you like. You declared yesterday at father's that there was no God.&#8221; Alyosha looked searchingly at his brother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I said that yesterday at dinner on purpose to tease you and I saw your eyes glow. But now I've no objection to discussing with you, and I say so very seriously. I want to be friends with you, Alyosha, for I have no friends and want to try it. Well, only fancy, perhaps I too accept God,&#8221; laughed Ivan; &#8220;that's a surprise for you, isn't it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, of course, if you are not joking now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Joking? I was told at the elder's yesterday that I was joking. You know, dear boy, there was an old sinner in the eighteenth century who declared that, if there were no God, he would have to be invented. &lt;i&gt;S'il n'existait pas Dieu, il faudrait l'inventer&lt;/i&gt;. And man has actually invented God. And what's strange, what would be marvelous, is not that God should really exist; the marvel is that such an idea, the idea of the necessity of God, could enter the head of such a savage, vicious beast as man. So holy it is, so touching, so wise and so great a credit it does to man. As for me, I've long resolved not to think whether man created God or God man. And I won't go through all the axioms laid down by Russian boys on that subject, all derived from European hypotheses; for what's a hypothesis there, is an axiom with the Russian boy, and not only with the boys but with their teachers too, for our Russian professors are often just the same boys themselves. And so I omit all the hypotheses. For what are we aiming at now? I am trying to explain as quickly as possible my essential nature, that is what manner of man I am, what I believe in, and for what I hope, that's it, isn't it? And therefore I tell you that I accept God simply. But you must note this: if God exists and if He really did create the world, then, as we all know, He created it according to the geometry of Euclid and the human mind with the conception of only three dimensions in space. Yet there have been and still are geometricians and philosophers, and even some of the most distinguished, who doubt whether the whole universe, or to speak more widely the whole of being, was only created in Euclid's geometry; they even dare to dream that two parallel lines, which according to Euclid can never meet on earth, may meet somewhere in infinity. I have come to the conclusion that, since I can't understand even that, I can't expect to understand about God. I acknowledge humbly that I have no faculty for settling such questions, I have a Euclidian earthly mind, and how could I solve problems that are not of this world? And I advise you never to think about it either, my dear Alyosha, especially about God, whether He exists or not. All such questions are utterly inappropriate for a mind created with an idea of only three dimensions. And so I accept God and am glad to, and what's more, I accept His wisdom, His purpose&#8212;which are utterly beyond our ken; I believe in the underlying order and the meaning of life; I believe in the eternal harmony in which they say we shall one day be blended. I believe in the Word to Which the universe is striving, and Which Itself was &#8216;with God,' and Which Itself is God and so on, and so on, to infinity. There are all sorts of phrases for it. I seem to be on the right path, don't I? Yet would you believe it, in the final result I don't accept this world of God's, and, although I know it exists, I don't accept it at all. It's not that I don't accept God, you must understand, it's the world created by Him I don't and cannot accept. Let me make it plain. I believe like a child that suffering will be healed and made up for, that all the humiliating absurdity of human contradictions will vanish like a pitiful mirage, like the despicable fabrication of the impotent and infinitely small Euclidian mind of man, that in the world's finale, at the moment of eternal harmony, something so precious will come to pass that it will suffice for all hearts, for the comforting of all resentments, for the atonement of all the crimes of humanity, of all the blood they've shed; that it will make it not only possible to forgive but to justify all that has happened with men&#8212;but though all that may come to pass, I don't accept it. I won't accept it. Even if parallel lines do meet and I see it myself, I shall see it and say that they've met, but still I won't accept it. That's what's at the root of me, Alyosha; that's my creed. I am in earnest in what I say. I began our talk as stupidly as I could on purpose, but I've led up to my confession, for that's all you want. You didn't want to hear about God, but only to know what the brother you love lives by. And so I've told you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan concluded his long tirade with marked and unexpected feeling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And why did you begin &#8216;as stupidly as you could'?&#8221; asked Alyosha, looking dreamily at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To begin with, for the sake of being Russian. Russian conversations on such subjects are always carried on inconceivably stupidly. And secondly, the stupider one is, the closer one is to reality. The stupider one is, the clearer one is. Stupidity is brief and artless, while intelligence wriggles and hides itself. Intelligence is a knave, but stupidity is honest and straightforward. I've led the conversation to my despair, and the more stupidly I have presented it, the better for me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You will explain why you don't accept the world?&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be sure I will, it's not a secret, that's what I've been leading up to. Dear little brother, I don't want to corrupt you or to turn you from your stronghold, perhaps I want to be healed by you.&#8221; Ivan smiled suddenly quite like a little gentle child. Alyosha had never seen such a smile on his face before.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV. REBELLION&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;I must make you one confession,&#8221; Ivan began. &#8220;I could never understand how one can love one's neighbors. It's just one's neighbors, to my mind, that one can't love, though one might love those at a distance. I once read somewhere of John the Merciful, a saint, that when a hungry, frozen beggar came to him, he took him into his bed, held him in his arms, and began breathing into his mouth, which was putrid and loathsome from some awful disease. I am convinced that he did that from &#8216;self-laceration,' from the self-laceration of falsity, for the sake of the charity imposed by duty, as a penance laid on him. For anyone to love a man, he must be hidden, for as soon as he shows his face, love is gone.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father Zossima has talked of that more than once,&#8221; observed Alyosha; &#8220;he, too, said that the face of a man often hinders many people not practiced in love, from loving him. But yet there's a great deal of love in mankind, and almost Christ-like love. I know that myself, Ivan.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I know nothing of it so far, and can't understand it, and the innumerable mass of mankind are with me there. The question is, whether that's due to men's bad qualities or whether it's inherent in their nature. To my thinking, Christ-like love for men is a miracle impossible on earth. He was God. But we are not gods. Suppose I, for instance, suffer intensely. Another can never know how much I suffer, because he is another and not I. And what's more, a man is rarely ready to admit another's suffering (as though it were a distinction). Why won't he admit it, do you think? Because I smell unpleasant, because I have a stupid face, because I once trod on his foot. Besides, there is suffering and suffering; degrading, humiliating suffering such as humbles me&#8212;hunger, for instance&#8212;my benefactor will perhaps allow me; but when you come to higher suffering&#8212;for an idea, for instance&#8212;he will very rarely admit that, perhaps because my face strikes him as not at all what he fancies a man should have who suffers for an idea. And so he deprives me instantly of his favor, and not at all from badness of heart. Beggars, especially genteel beggars, ought never to show themselves, but to ask for charity through the newspapers. One can love one's neighbors in the abstract, or even at a distance, but at close quarters it's almost impossible. If it were as on the stage, in the ballet, where if beggars come in, they wear silken rags and tattered lace and beg for alms dancing gracefully, then one might like looking at them. But even then we should not love them. But enough of that. I simply wanted to show you my point of view. I meant to speak of the suffering of mankind generally, but we had better confine ourselves to the sufferings of the children. That reduces the scope of my argument to a tenth of what it would be. Still we'd better keep to the children, though it does weaken my case. But, in the first place, children can be loved even at close quarters, even when they are dirty, even when they are ugly (I fancy, though, children never are ugly). The second reason why I won't speak of grown-up people is that, besides being disgusting and unworthy of love, they have a compensation&#8212;they've eaten the apple and know good and evil, and they have become &#8216;like gods.' They go on eating it still. But the children haven't eaten anything, and are so far innocent. Are you fond of children, Alyosha? I know you are, and you will understand why I prefer to speak of them. If they, too, suffer horribly on earth, they must suffer for their fathers' sins, they must be punished for their fathers, who have eaten the apple; but that reasoning is of the other world and is incomprehensible for the heart of man here on earth. The innocent must not suffer for another's sins, and especially such innocents! You may be surprised at me, Alyosha, but I am awfully fond of children, too. And observe, cruel people, the violent, the rapacious, the Karamazovs are sometimes very fond of children. Children while they are quite little&#8212;up to seven, for instance&#8212;are so remote from grown-up people; they are different creatures, as it were, of a different species. I knew a criminal in prison who had, in the course of his career as a burglar, murdered whole families, including several children. But when he was in prison, he had a strange affection for them. He spent all his time at his window, watching the children playing in the prison yard. He trained one little boy to come up to his window and made great friends with him.... You don't know why I am telling you all this, Alyosha? My head aches and I am sad.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You speak with a strange air,&#8221; observed Alyosha uneasily, &#8220;as though you were not quite yourself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;By the way, a Bulgarian I met lately in Moscow,&#8221; Ivan went on, seeming not to hear his brother's words, &#8220;told me about the crimes committed by Turks and Circassians in all parts of Bulgaria through fear of a general rising of the Slavs. They burn villages, murder, outrage women and children, they nail their prisoners by the ears to the fences, leave them so till morning, and in the morning they hang them&#8212;all sorts of things you can't imagine. People talk sometimes of bestial cruelty, but that's a great injustice and insult to the beasts; a beast can never be so cruel as a man, so artistically cruel. The tiger only tears and gnaws, that's all he can do. He would never think of nailing people by the ears, even if he were able to do it. These Turks took a pleasure in torturing children, too; cutting the unborn child from the mother's womb, and tossing babies up in the air and catching them on the points of their bayonets before their mothers' eyes. Doing it before the mothers' eyes was what gave zest to the amusement. Here is another scene that I thought very interesting. Imagine a trembling mother with her baby in her arms, a circle of invading Turks around her. They've planned a diversion: they pet the baby, laugh to make it laugh. They succeed, the baby laughs. At that moment a Turk points a pistol four inches from the baby's face. The baby laughs with glee, holds out its little hands to the pistol, and he pulls the trigger in the baby's face and blows out its brains. Artistic, wasn't it? By the way, Turks are particularly fond of sweet things, they say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother, what are you driving at?&#8221; asked Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think if the devil doesn't exist, but man has created him, he has created him in his own image and likeness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just as he did God, then?&#8221; observed Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;It's wonderful how you can turn words,' as Polonius says in &lt;i&gt;Hamlet&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; laughed Ivan. &#8220;You turn my words against me. Well, I am glad. Yours must be a fine God, if man created Him in his image and likeness. You asked just now what I was driving at. You see, I am fond of collecting certain facts, and, would you believe, I even copy anecdotes of a certain sort from newspapers and books, and I've already got a fine collection. The Turks, of course, have gone into it, but they are foreigners. I have specimens from home that are even better than those of the Turks. You know we prefer beating&#8212;rods and scourges&#8212;that's our national institution. Nailing ears is unthinkable for us, for we are, after all, Europeans. But the rod and the scourge we have always with us and they cannot be taken from us. Abroad now they scarcely do any beating. Manners are more humane, or laws have been passed, so that they don't dare to flog men now. But they make up for it in another way just as national as ours. And so national that it would be practically impossible among us, though I believe we are being inoculated with it, since the religious movement began in our aristocracy. I have a charming pamphlet, translated from the French, describing how, quite recently, five years ago, a murderer, Richard, was executed&#8212;a young man, I believe, of three and twenty, who repented and was converted to the Christian faith at the very scaffold. This Richard was an illegitimate child who was given as a child of six by his parents to some shepherds on the Swiss mountains. They brought him up to work for them. He grew up like a little wild beast among them. The shepherds taught him nothing, and scarcely fed or clothed him, but sent him out at seven to herd the flock in cold and wet, and no one hesitated or scrupled to treat him so. Quite the contrary, they thought they had every right, for Richard had been given to them as a chattel, and they did not even see the necessity of feeding him. Richard himself describes how in those years, like the Prodigal Son in the Gospel, he longed to eat of the mash given to the pigs, which were fattened for sale. But they wouldn't even give him that, and beat him when he stole from the pigs. And that was how he spent all his childhood and his youth, till he grew up and was strong enough to go away and be a thief. The savage began to earn his living as a day laborer in Geneva. He drank what he earned, he lived like a brute, and finished by killing and robbing an old man. He was caught, tried, and condemned to death. They are not sentimentalists there. And in prison he was immediately surrounded by pastors, members of Christian brotherhoods, philanthropic ladies, and the like. They taught him to read and write in prison, and expounded the Gospel to him. They exhorted him, worked upon him, drummed at him incessantly, till at last he solemnly confessed his crime. He was converted. He wrote to the court himself that he was a monster, but that in the end God had vouchsafed him light and shown grace. All Geneva was in excitement about him&#8212;all philanthropic and religious Geneva. All the aristocratic and well-bred society of the town rushed to the prison, kissed Richard and embraced him; &#8216;You are our brother, you have found grace.' And Richard does nothing but weep with emotion, &#8216;Yes, I've found grace! All my youth and childhood I was glad of pigs' food, but now even I have found grace. I am dying in the Lord.' &#8216;Yes, Richard, die in the Lord; you have shed blood and must die. Though it's not your fault that you knew not the Lord, when you coveted the pigs' food and were beaten for stealing it (which was very wrong of you, for stealing is forbidden); but you've shed blood and you must die.' And on the last day, Richard, perfectly limp, did nothing but cry and repeat every minute: &#8216;This is my happiest day. I am going to the Lord.' &#8216;Yes,' cry the pastors and the judges and philanthropic ladies. &#8216;This is the happiest day of your life, for you are going to the Lord!' They all walk or drive to the scaffold in procession behind the prison van. At the scaffold they call to Richard: &#8216;Die, brother, die in the Lord, for even thou hast found grace!' And so, covered with his brothers' kisses, Richard is dragged on to the scaffold, and led to the guillotine. And they chopped off his head in brotherly fashion, because he had found grace. Yes, that's characteristic. That pamphlet is translated into Russian by some Russian philanthropists of aristocratic rank and evangelical aspirations, and has been distributed gratis for the enlightenment of the people. The case of Richard is interesting because it's national. Though to us it's absurd to cut off a man's head, because he has become our brother and has found grace, yet we have our own speciality, which is all but worse. Our historical pastime is the direct satisfaction of inflicting pain. There are lines in Nekrassov describing how a peasant lashes a horse on the eyes, &#8216;on its meek eyes,' every one must have seen it. It's peculiarly Russian. He describes how a feeble little nag has foundered under too heavy a load and cannot move. The peasant beats it, beats it savagely, beats it at last not knowing what he is doing in the intoxication of cruelty, thrashes it mercilessly over and over again. &#8216;However weak you are, you must pull, if you die for it.' The nag strains, and then he begins lashing the poor defenseless creature on its weeping, on its &#8216;meek eyes.' The frantic beast tugs and draws the load, trembling all over, gasping for breath, moving sideways, with a sort of unnatural spasmodic action&#8212;it's awful in Nekrassov. But that's only a horse, and God has given horses to be beaten. So the Tatars have taught us, and they left us the knout as a remembrance of it. But men, too, can be beaten. A well-educated, cultured gentleman and his wife beat their own child with a birch-rod, a girl of seven. I have an exact account of it. The papa was glad that the birch was covered with twigs. &#8216;It stings more,' said he, and so he began stinging his daughter. I know for a fact there are people who at every blow are worked up to sensuality, to literal sensuality, which increases progressively at every blow they inflict. They beat for a minute, for five minutes, for ten minutes, more often and more savagely. The child screams. At last the child cannot scream, it gasps, &#8216;Daddy! daddy!' By some diabolical unseemly chance the case was brought into court. A counsel is engaged. The Russian people have long called a barrister &#8216;a conscience for hire.' The counsel protests in his client's defense. &#8216;It's such a simple thing,' he says, &#8216;an everyday domestic event. A father corrects his child. To our shame be it said, it is brought into court.' The jury, convinced by him, give a favorable verdict. The public roars with delight that the torturer is acquitted. Ah, pity I wasn't there! I would have proposed to raise a subscription in his honor! Charming pictures.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I've still better things about children. I've collected a great, great deal about Russian children, Alyosha. There was a little girl of five who was hated by her father and mother, &#8216;most worthy and respectable people, of good education and breeding.' You see, I must repeat again, it is a peculiar characteristic of many people, this love of torturing children, and children only. To all other types of humanity these torturers behave mildly and benevolently, like cultivated and humane Europeans; but they are very fond of tormenting children, even fond of children themselves in that sense. It's just their defenselessness that tempts the tormentor, just the angelic confidence of the child who has no refuge and no appeal, that sets his vile blood on fire. In every man, of course, a demon lies hidden&#8212;the demon of rage, the demon of lustful heat at the screams of the tortured victim, the demon of lawlessness let off the chain, the demon of diseases that follow on vice, gout, kidney disease, and so on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This poor child of five was subjected to every possible torture by those cultivated parents. They beat her, thrashed her, kicked her for no reason till her body was one bruise. Then, they went to greater refinements of cruelty&#8212;shut her up all night in the cold and frost in a privy, and because she didn't ask to be taken up at night (as though a child of five sleeping its angelic, sound sleep could be trained to wake and ask), they smeared her face and filled her mouth with excrement, and it was her mother, her mother did this. And that mother could sleep, hearing the poor child's groans! Can you understand why a little creature, who can't even understand what's done to her, should beat her little aching heart with her tiny fist in the dark and the cold, and weep her meek unresentful tears to dear, kind God to protect her? Do you understand that, friend and brother, you pious and humble novice? Do you understand why this infamy must be and is permitted? Without it, I am told, man could not have existed on earth, for he could not have known good and evil. Why should he know that diabolical good and evil when it costs so much? Why, the whole world of knowledge is not worth that child's prayer to &#8216;dear, kind God'! I say nothing of the sufferings of grown-up people, they have eaten the apple, damn them, and the devil take them all! But these little ones! I am making you suffer, Alyosha, you are not yourself. I'll leave off if you like.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never mind. I want to suffer too,&#8221; muttered Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One picture, only one more, because it's so curious, so characteristic, and I have only just read it in some collection of Russian antiquities. I've forgotten the name. I must look it up. It was in the darkest days of serfdom at the beginning of the century, and long live the Liberator of the People! There was in those days a general of aristocratic connections, the owner of great estates, one of those men&#8212;somewhat exceptional, I believe, even then&#8212;who, retiring from the service into a life of leisure, are convinced that they've earned absolute power over the lives of their subjects. There were such men then. So our general, settled on his property of two thousand souls, lives in pomp, and domineers over his poor neighbors as though they were dependents and buffoons. He has kennels of hundreds of hounds and nearly a hundred dog-boys&#8212;all mounted, and in uniform. One day a serf-boy, a little child of eight, threw a stone in play and hurt the paw of the general's favorite hound. &#8216;Why is my favorite dog lame?' He is told that the boy threw a stone that hurt the dog's paw. &#8216;So you did it.' The general looked the child up and down. &#8216;Take him.' He was taken&#8212;taken from his mother and kept shut up all night. Early that morning the general comes out on horseback, with the hounds, his dependents, dog-boys, and huntsmen, all mounted around him in full hunting parade. The servants are summoned for their edification, and in front of them all stands the mother of the child. The child is brought from the lock-up. It's a gloomy, cold, foggy autumn day, a capital day for hunting. The general orders the child to be undressed; the child is stripped naked. He shivers, numb with terror, not daring to cry.... &#8216;Make him run,' commands the general. &#8216;Run! run!' shout the dog-boys. The boy runs.... &#8216;At him!' yells the general, and he sets the whole pack of hounds on the child. The hounds catch him, and tear him to pieces before his mother's eyes!... I believe the general was afterwards declared incapable of administering his estates. Well&#8212;what did he deserve? To be shot? To be shot for the satisfaction of our moral feelings? Speak, Alyosha!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be shot,&#8221; murmured Alyosha, lifting his eyes to Ivan with a pale, twisted smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bravo!&#8221; cried Ivan, delighted. &#8220;If even you say so.... You're a pretty monk! So there is a little devil sitting in your heart, Alyosha Karamazov!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What I said was absurd, but&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's just the point, that &#8216;but'!&#8221; cried Ivan. &#8220;Let me tell you, novice, that the absurd is only too necessary on earth. The world stands on absurdities, and perhaps nothing would have come to pass in it without them. We know what we know!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you know?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I understand nothing,&#8221; Ivan went on, as though in delirium. &#8220;I don't want to understand anything now. I want to stick to the fact. I made up my mind long ago not to understand. If I try to understand anything, I shall be false to the fact, and I have determined to stick to the fact.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are you trying me?&#8221; Alyosha cried, with sudden distress. &#8220;Will you say what you mean at last?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course, I will; that's what I've been leading up to. You are dear to me, I don't want to let you go, and I won't give you up to your Zossima.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan for a minute was silent, his face became all at once very sad.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen! I took the case of children only to make my case clearer. Of the other tears of humanity with which the earth is soaked from its crust to its center, I will say nothing. I have narrowed my subject on purpose. I am a bug, and I recognize in all humility that I cannot understand why the world is arranged as it is. Men are themselves to blame, I suppose; they were given paradise, they wanted freedom, and stole fire from heaven, though they knew they would become unhappy, so there is no need to pity them. With my pitiful, earthly, Euclidian understanding, all I know is that there is suffering and that there are none guilty; that cause follows effect, simply and directly; that everything flows and finds its level&#8212;but that's only Euclidian nonsense, I know that, and I can't consent to live by it! What comfort is it to me that there are none guilty and that cause follows effect simply and directly, and that I know it?&#8212;I must have justice, or I will destroy myself. And not justice in some remote infinite time and space, but here on earth, and that I could see myself. I have believed in it. I want to see it, and if I am dead by then, let me rise again, for if it all happens without me, it will be too unfair. Surely I haven't suffered, simply that I, my crimes and my sufferings, may manure the soil of the future harmony for somebody else. I want to see with my own eyes the hind lie down with the lion and the victim rise up and embrace his murderer. I want to be there when every one suddenly understands what it has all been for. All the religions of the world are built on this longing, and I am a believer. But then there are the children, and what am I to do about them? That's a question I can't answer. For the hundredth time I repeat, there are numbers of questions, but I've only taken the children, because in their case what I mean is so unanswerably clear. Listen! If all must suffer to pay for the eternal harmony, what have children to do with it, tell me, please? It's beyond all comprehension why they should suffer, and why they should pay for the harmony. Why should they, too, furnish material to enrich the soil for the harmony of the future? I understand solidarity in sin among men. I understand solidarity in retribution, too; but there can be no such solidarity with children. And if it is really true that they must share responsibility for all their fathers' crimes, such a truth is not of this world and is beyond my comprehension. Some jester will say, perhaps, that the child would have grown up and have sinned, but you see he didn't grow up, he was torn to pieces by the dogs, at eight years old. Oh, Alyosha, I am not blaspheming! I understand, of course, what an upheaval of the universe it will be, when everything in heaven and earth blends in one hymn of praise and everything that lives and has lived cries aloud: &#8216;Thou art just, O Lord, for Thy ways are revealed.' When the mother embraces the fiend who threw her child to the dogs, and all three cry aloud with tears, &#8216;Thou art just, O Lord!' then, of course, the crown of knowledge will be reached and all will be made clear. But what pulls me up here is that I can't accept that harmony. And while I am on earth, I make haste to take my own measures. You see, Alyosha, perhaps it really may happen that if I live to that moment, or rise again to see it, I, too, perhaps, may cry aloud with the rest, looking at the mother embracing the child's torturer, &#8216;Thou art just, O Lord!' but I don't want to cry aloud then. While there is still time, I hasten to protect myself, and so I renounce the higher harmony altogether. It's not worth the tears of that one tortured child who beat itself on the breast with its little fist and prayed in its stinking outhouse, with its unexpiated tears to &#8216;dear, kind God'! It's not worth it, because those tears are unatoned for. They must be atoned for, or there can be no harmony. But how? How are you going to atone for them? Is it possible? By their being avenged? But what do I care for avenging them? What do I care for a hell for oppressors? What good can hell do, since those children have already been tortured? And what becomes of harmony, if there is hell? I want to forgive. I want to embrace. I don't want more suffering. And if the sufferings of children go to swell the sum of sufferings which was necessary to pay for truth, then I protest that the truth is not worth such a price. I don't want the mother to embrace the oppressor who threw her son to the dogs! She dare not forgive him! Let her forgive him for herself, if she will, let her forgive the torturer for the immeasurable suffering of her mother's heart. But the sufferings of her tortured child she has no right to forgive; she dare not forgive the torturer, even if the child were to forgive him! And if that is so, if they dare not forgive, what becomes of harmony? Is there in the whole world a being who would have the right to forgive and could forgive? I don't want harmony. From love for humanity I don't want it. I would rather be left with the unavenged suffering. I would rather remain with my unavenged suffering and unsatisfied indignation, &lt;i&gt;even if I were wrong&lt;/i&gt;. Besides, too high a price is asked for harmony; it's beyond our means to pay so much to enter on it. And so I hasten to give back my entrance ticket, and if I am an honest man I am bound to give it back as soon as possible. And that I am doing. It's not God that I don't accept, Alyosha, only I most respectfully return Him the ticket.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's rebellion,&#8221; murmured Alyosha, looking down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Rebellion? I am sorry you call it that,&#8221; said Ivan earnestly. &#8220;One can hardly live in rebellion, and I want to live. Tell me yourself, I challenge you&#8212;answer. Imagine that you are creating a fabric of human destiny with the object of making men happy in the end, giving them peace and rest at last, but that it was essential and inevitable to torture to death only one tiny creature&#8212;that baby beating its breast with its fist, for instance&#8212;and to found that edifice on its unavenged tears, would you consent to be the architect on those conditions? Tell me, and tell the truth.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I wouldn't consent,&#8221; said Alyosha softly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And can you admit the idea that men for whom you are building it would agree to accept their happiness on the foundation of the unexpiated blood of a little victim? And accepting it would remain happy for ever?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I can't admit it. Brother,&#8221; said Alyosha suddenly, with flashing eyes, &#8220;you said just now, is there a being in the whole world who would have the right to forgive and could forgive? But there is a Being and He can forgive everything, all and for all, because He gave His innocent blood for all and everything. You have forgotten Him, and on Him is built the edifice, and it is to Him they cry aloud, &#8216;Thou art just, O Lord, for Thy ways are revealed!' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! the One without sin and His blood! No, I have not forgotten Him; on the contrary I've been wondering all the time how it was you did not bring Him in before, for usually all arguments on your side put Him in the foreground. Do you know, Alyosha&#8212;don't laugh! I made a poem about a year ago. If you can waste another ten minutes on me, I'll tell it to you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You wrote a poem?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, I didn't write it,&#8221; laughed Ivan, &#8220;and I've never written two lines of poetry in my life. But I made up this poem in prose and I remembered it. I was carried away when I made it up. You will be my first reader&#8212;that is listener. Why should an author forego even one listener?&#8221; smiled Ivan. &#8220;Shall I tell it to you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am all attention,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My poem is called &#8216;The Grand Inquisitor'; it's a ridiculous thing, but I want to tell it to you.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V. THE GRAND INQUISITOR&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Even this must have a preface&#8212;that is, a literary preface,&#8221; laughed Ivan, &#8220;and I am a poor hand at making one. You see, my action takes place in the sixteenth century, and at that time, as you probably learnt at school, it was customary in poetry to bring down heavenly powers on earth. Not to speak of Dante, in France, clerks, as well as the monks in the monasteries, used to give regular performances in which the Madonna, the saints, the angels, Christ, and God himself were brought on the stage. In those days it was done in all simplicity. In Victor Hugo's &lt;i&gt;Notre Dame de Paris&lt;/i&gt; an edifying and gratuitous spectacle was provided for the people in the H&#244;tel de Ville of Paris in the reign of Louis XI. in honor of the birth of the dauphin. It was called &lt;i&gt;Le bon jugement de la tr&#232;s sainte et gracieuse Vierge Marie&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb19&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Le bon jugement de la tr&#232;s sainte et gracieuse Vierge Marie &#8211; The good (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh19&#034;&gt;19&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, and she appears herself on the stage and pronounces her &lt;i&gt;bon jugement&lt;/i&gt;. Similar plays, chiefly from the Old Testament, were occasionally performed in Moscow too, up to the times of Peter the Great. But besides plays there were all sorts of legends and ballads scattered about the world, in which the saints and angels and all the powers of Heaven took part when required. In our monasteries the monks busied themselves in translating, copying, and even composing such poems&#8212;and even under the Tatars. There is, for instance, one such poem (of course, from the Greek), &lt;i&gt;The Wanderings of Our Lady through Hell&lt;/i&gt;, with descriptions as bold as Dante's. Our Lady visits hell, and the Archangel Michael leads her through the torments. She sees the sinners and their punishment. There she sees among others one noteworthy set of sinners in a burning lake; some of them sink to the bottom of the lake so that they can't swim out, and &#8216;these God forgets'&#8212;an expression of extraordinary depth and force. And so Our Lady, shocked and weeping, falls before the throne of God and begs for mercy for all in hell&#8212;for all she has seen there, indiscriminately. Her conversation with God is immensely interesting. She beseeches Him, she will not desist, and when God points to the hands and feet of her Son, nailed to the Cross, and asks, &#8216;How can I forgive His tormentors?' she bids all the saints, all the martyrs, all the angels and archangels to fall down with her and pray for mercy on all without distinction. It ends by her winning from God a respite of suffering every year from Good Friday till Trinity Day, and the sinners at once raise a cry of thankfulness from hell, chanting, &#8216;Thou art just, O Lord, in this judgment.' Well, my poem would have been of that kind if it had appeared at that time. He comes on the scene in my poem, but He says nothing, only appears and passes on. Fifteen centuries have passed since He promised to come in His glory, fifteen centuries since His prophet wrote, &#8216;Behold, I come quickly'; &#8216;Of that day and that hour knoweth no man, neither the Son, but the Father,' as He Himself predicted on earth. But humanity awaits him with the same faith and with the same love. Oh, with greater faith, for it is fifteen centuries since man has ceased to see signs from heaven.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;No signs from heaven come to-day&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To add to what the heart doth say.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;There was nothing left but faith in what the heart doth say. It is true there were many miracles in those days. There were saints who performed miraculous cures; some holy people, according to their biographies, were visited by the Queen of Heaven herself. But the devil did not slumber, and doubts were already arising among men of the truth of these miracles. And just then there appeared in the north of Germany a terrible new heresy. &#8220;A huge star like to a torch&#8221; (that is, to a church) &#8220;fell on the sources of the waters and they became bitter.&#8221; These heretics began blasphemously denying miracles. But those who remained faithful were all the more ardent in their faith. The tears of humanity rose up to Him as before, awaited His coming, loved Him, hoped for Him, yearned to suffer and die for Him as before. And so many ages mankind had prayed with faith and fervor, &#8220;O Lord our God, hasten Thy coming,&#8221; so many ages called upon Him, that in His infinite mercy He deigned to come down to His servants. Before that day He had come down, He had visited some holy men, martyrs and hermits, as is written in their lives. Among us, Tyutchev, with absolute faith in the truth of his words, bore witness that&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Bearing the Cross, in slavish dress,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Weary and worn, the Heavenly King&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Our mother, Russia, came to bless,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And through our land went wandering.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And that certainly was so, I assure you.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And behold, He deigned to appear for a moment to the people, to the tortured, suffering people, sunk in iniquity, but loving Him like children. My story is laid in Spain, in Seville, in the most terrible time of the Inquisition, when fires were lighted every day to the glory of God, and &#8216;in the splendid &lt;i&gt;auto da f&#233;&lt;/i&gt; the wicked heretics were burnt.' Oh, of course, this was not the coming in which He will appear according to His promise at the end of time in all His heavenly glory, and which will be sudden &#8216;as lightning flashing from east to west.' No, He visited His children only for a moment, and there where the flames were crackling round the heretics. In His infinite mercy He came once more among men in that human shape in which He walked among men for three years fifteen centuries ago. He came down to the &#8216;hot pavements' of the southern town in which on the day before almost a hundred heretics had, &lt;i&gt;ad majorem gloriam Dei&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb20&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;ad majorem gloriam Dei &#8211; for the greater glory of God&#034; id=&#034;nh20&#034;&gt;20&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, been burnt by the cardinal, the Grand Inquisitor, in a magnificent &lt;i&gt;auto da f&#233;&lt;/i&gt;, in the presence of the king, the court, the knights, the cardinals, the most charming ladies of the court, and the whole population of Seville.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He came softly, unobserved, and yet, strange to say, every one recognized Him. That might be one of the best passages in the poem. I mean, why they recognized Him. The people are irresistibly drawn to Him, they surround Him, they flock about Him, follow Him. He moves silently in their midst with a gentle smile of infinite compassion. The sun of love burns in His heart, light and power shine from His eyes, and their radiance, shed on the people, stirs their hearts with responsive love. He holds out His hands to them, blesses them, and a healing virtue comes from contact with Him, even with His garments. An old man in the crowd, blind from childhood, cries out, &#8216;O Lord, heal me and I shall see Thee!' and, as it were, scales fall from his eyes and the blind man sees Him. The crowd weeps and kisses the earth under His feet. Children throw flowers before Him, sing, and cry hosannah. &#8216;It is He&#8212;it is He!' all repeat. &#8216;It must be He, it can be no one but Him!' He stops at the steps of the Seville cathedral at the moment when the weeping mourners are bringing in a little open white coffin. In it lies a child of seven, the only daughter of a prominent citizen. The dead child lies hidden in flowers. &#8216;He will raise your child,' the crowd shouts to the weeping mother. The priest, coming to meet the coffin, looks perplexed, and frowns, but the mother of the dead child throws herself at His feet with a wail. &#8216;If it is Thou, raise my child!' she cries, holding out her hands to Him. The procession halts, the coffin is laid on the steps at His feet. He looks with compassion, and His lips once more softly pronounce, &#8216;Maiden, arise!' and the maiden arises. The little girl sits up in the coffin and looks round, smiling with wide-open wondering eyes, holding a bunch of white roses they had put in her hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There are cries, sobs, confusion among the people, and at that moment the cardinal himself, the Grand Inquisitor, passes by the cathedral. He is an old man, almost ninety, tall and erect, with a withered face and sunken eyes, in which there is still a gleam of light. He is not dressed in his gorgeous cardinal's robes, as he was the day before, when he was burning the enemies of the Roman Church&#8212;at this moment he is wearing his coarse, old, monk's cassock. At a distance behind him come his gloomy assistants and slaves and the &#8216;holy guard.' He stops at the sight of the crowd and watches it from a distance. He sees everything; he sees them set the coffin down at His feet, sees the child rise up, and his face darkens. He knits his thick gray brows and his eyes gleam with a sinister fire. He holds out his finger and bids the guards take Him. And such is his power, so completely are the people cowed into submission and trembling obedience to him, that the crowd immediately makes way for the guards, and in the midst of deathlike silence they lay hands on Him and lead Him away. The crowd instantly bows down to the earth, like one man, before the old Inquisitor. He blesses the people in silence and passes on. The guards lead their prisoner to the close, gloomy vaulted prison in the ancient palace of the Holy Inquisition and shut Him in it. The day passes and is followed by the dark, burning, &#8216;breathless' night of Seville. The air is &#8216;fragrant with laurel and lemon.' In the pitch darkness the iron door of the prison is suddenly opened and the Grand Inquisitor himself comes in with a light in his hand. He is alone; the door is closed at once behind him. He stands in the doorway and for a minute or two gazes into His face. At last he goes up slowly, sets the light on the table and speaks.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;Is it Thou? Thou?' but receiving no answer, he adds at once, &#8216;Don't answer, be silent. What canst Thou say, indeed? I know too well what Thou wouldst say. And Thou hast no right to add anything to what Thou hadst said of old. Why, then, art Thou come to hinder us? For Thou hast come to hinder us, and Thou knowest that. But dost Thou know what will be to-morrow? I know not who Thou art and care not to know whether it is Thou or only a semblance of Him, but to-morrow I shall condemn Thee and burn Thee at the stake as the worst of heretics. And the very people who have to-day kissed Thy feet, to-morrow at the faintest sign from me will rush to heap up the embers of Thy fire. Knowest Thou that? Yes, maybe Thou knowest it,' he added with thoughtful penetration, never for a moment taking his eyes off the Prisoner.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't quite understand, Ivan. What does it mean?&#8221; Alyosha, who had been listening in silence, said with a smile. &#8220;Is it simply a wild fantasy, or a mistake on the part of the old man&#8212;some impossible &lt;i&gt;quiproquo&lt;/i&gt;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Take it as the last,&#8221; said Ivan, laughing, &#8220;if you are so corrupted by modern realism and can't stand anything fantastic. If you like it to be a case of mistaken identity, let it be so. It is true,&#8221; he went on, laughing, &#8220;the old man was ninety, and he might well be crazy over his set idea. He might have been struck by the appearance of the Prisoner. It might, in fact, be simply his ravings, the delusion of an old man of ninety, over-excited by the &lt;i&gt;auto da f&#233;&lt;/i&gt; of a hundred heretics the day before. But does it matter to us after all whether it was a mistake of identity or a wild fantasy? All that matters is that the old man should speak out, should speak openly of what he has thought in silence for ninety years.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the Prisoner too is silent? Does He look at him and not say a word?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's inevitable in any case,&#8221; Ivan laughed again. &#8220;The old man has told Him He hasn't the right to add anything to what He has said of old. One may say it is the most fundamental feature of Roman Catholicism, in my opinion at least. &#8216;All has been given by Thee to the Pope,' they say, &#8216;and all, therefore, is still in the Pope's hands, and there is no need for Thee to come now at all. Thou must not meddle for the time, at least.' That's how they speak and write too&#8212;the Jesuits, at any rate. I have read it myself in the works of their theologians. &#8216;Hast Thou the right to reveal to us one of the mysteries of that world from which Thou hast come?' my old man asks Him, and answers the question for Him. &#8216;No, Thou hast not; that Thou mayest not add to what has been said of old, and mayest not take from men the freedom which Thou didst exalt when Thou wast on earth. Whatsoever Thou revealest anew will encroach on men's freedom of faith; for it will be manifest as a miracle, and the freedom of their faith was dearer to Thee than anything in those days fifteen hundred years ago. Didst Thou not often say then, &#8220;I will make you free&#8221;? But now Thou hast seen these &#8220;free&#8221; men,' the old man adds suddenly, with a pensive smile. &#8216;Yes, we've paid dearly for it,' he goes on, looking sternly at Him, &#8216;but at last we have completed that work in Thy name. For fifteen centuries we have been wrestling with Thy freedom, but now it is ended and over for good. Dost Thou not believe that it's over for good? Thou lookest meekly at me and deignest not even to be wroth with me. But let me tell Thee that now, to-day, people are more persuaded than ever that they have perfect freedom, yet they have brought their freedom to us and laid it humbly at our feet. But that has been our doing. Was this what Thou didst? Was this Thy freedom?' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't understand again,&#8221; Alyosha broke in. &#8220;Is he ironical, is he jesting?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not a bit of it! He claims it as a merit for himself and his Church that at last they have vanquished freedom and have done so to make men happy. &#8216;For now' (he is speaking of the Inquisition, of course) &#8216;for the first time it has become possible to think of the happiness of men. Man was created a rebel; and how can rebels be happy? Thou wast warned,' he says to Him. &#8216;Thou hast had no lack of admonitions and warnings, but Thou didst not listen to those warnings; Thou didst reject the only way by which men might be made happy. But, fortunately, departing Thou didst hand on the work to us. Thou hast promised, Thou hast established by Thy word, Thou hast given to us the right to bind and to unbind, and now, of course, Thou canst not think of taking it away. Why, then, hast Thou come to hinder us?' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what's the meaning of &#8216;no lack of admonitions and warnings'?&#8221; asked Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, that's the chief part of what the old man must say.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;The wise and dread spirit, the spirit of self-destruction and non-existence,' the old man goes on, &#8216;the great spirit talked with Thee in the wilderness, and we are told in the books that he &#8220;tempted&#8221; Thee. Is that so? And could anything truer be said than what he revealed to Thee in three questions and what Thou didst reject, and what in the books is called &#8220;the temptation&#8221;? And yet if there has ever been on earth a real stupendous miracle, it took place on that day, on the day of the three temptations. The statement of those three questions was itself the miracle. If it were possible to imagine simply for the sake of argument that those three questions of the dread spirit had perished utterly from the books, and that we had to restore them and to invent them anew, and to do so had gathered together all the wise men of the earth&#8212;rulers, chief priests, learned men, philosophers, poets&#8212;and had set them the task to invent three questions, such as would not only fit the occasion, but express in three words, three human phrases, the whole future history of the world and of humanity&#8212;dost Thou believe that all the wisdom of the earth united could have invented anything in depth and force equal to the three questions which were actually put to Thee then by the wise and mighty spirit in the wilderness? From those questions alone, from the miracle of their statement, we can see that we have here to do not with the fleeting human intelligence, but with the absolute and eternal. For in those three questions the whole subsequent history of mankind is, as it were, brought together into one whole, and foretold, and in them are united all the unsolved historical contradictions of human nature. At the time it could not be so clear, since the future was unknown; but now that fifteen hundred years have passed, we see that everything in those three questions was so justly divined and foretold, and has been so truly fulfilled, that nothing can be added to them or taken from them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;Judge Thyself who was right&#8212;Thou or he who questioned Thee then? Remember the first question; its meaning, in other words, was this: &#8220;Thou wouldst go into the world, and art going with empty hands, with some promise of freedom which men in their simplicity and their natural unruliness cannot even understand, which they fear and dread&#8212;for nothing has ever been more insupportable for a man and a human society than freedom. But seest Thou these stones in this parched and barren wilderness? Turn them into bread, and mankind will run after Thee like a flock of sheep, grateful and obedient, though for ever trembling, lest Thou withdraw Thy hand and deny them Thy bread.&#8221; But Thou wouldst not deprive man of freedom and didst reject the offer, thinking, what is that freedom worth, if obedience is bought with bread? Thou didst reply that man lives not by bread alone. But dost Thou know that for the sake of that earthly bread the spirit of the earth will rise up against Thee and will strive with Thee and overcome Thee, and all will follow him, crying, &#8220;Who can compare with this beast? He has given us fire from heaven!&#8221; Dost Thou know that the ages will pass, and humanity will proclaim by the lips of their sages that there is no crime, and therefore no sin; there is only hunger? &#8220;Feed men, and then ask of them virtue!&#8221; that's what they'll write on the banner, which they will raise against Thee, and with which they will destroy Thy temple. Where Thy temple stood will rise a new building; the terrible tower of Babel will be built again, and though, like the one of old, it will not be finished, yet Thou mightest have prevented that new tower and have cut short the sufferings of men for a thousand years; for they will come back to us after a thousand years of agony with their tower. They will seek us again, hidden underground in the catacombs, for we shall be again persecuted and tortured. They will find us and cry to us, &#8220;Feed us, for those who have promised us fire from heaven haven't given it!&#8221; And then we shall finish building their tower, for he finishes the building who feeds them. And we alone shall feed them in Thy name, declaring falsely that it is in Thy name. Oh, never, never can they feed themselves without us! No science will give them bread so long as they remain free. In the end they will lay their freedom at our feet, and say to us, &#8220;Make us your slaves, but feed us.&#8221; They will understand themselves, at last, that freedom and bread enough for all are inconceivable together, for never, never will they be able to share between them! They will be convinced, too, that they can never be free, for they are weak, vicious, worthless and rebellious. Thou didst promise them the bread of Heaven, but, I repeat again, can it compare with earthly bread in the eyes of the weak, ever sinful and ignoble race of man? And if for the sake of the bread of Heaven thousands shall follow Thee, what is to become of the millions and tens of thousands of millions of creatures who will not have the strength to forego the earthly bread for the sake of the heavenly? Or dost Thou care only for the tens of thousands of the great and strong, while the millions, numerous as the sands of the sea, who are weak but love Thee, must exist only for the sake of the great and strong? No, we care for the weak too. They are sinful and rebellious, but in the end they too will become obedient. They will marvel at us and look on us as gods, because we are ready to endure the freedom which they have found so dreadful and to rule over them&#8212;so awful it will seem to them to be free. But we shall tell them that we are Thy servants and rule them in Thy name. We shall deceive them again, for we will not let Thee come to us again. That deception will be our suffering, for we shall be forced to lie.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;This is the significance of the first question in the wilderness, and this is what Thou hast rejected for the sake of that freedom which Thou hast exalted above everything. Yet in this question lies hid the great secret of this world. Choosing &#8220;bread,&#8221; Thou wouldst have satisfied the universal and everlasting craving of humanity&#8212;to find some one to worship. So long as man remains free he strives for nothing so incessantly and so painfully as to find some one to worship. But man seeks to worship what is established beyond dispute, so that all men would agree at once to worship it. For these pitiful creatures are concerned not only to find what one or the other can worship, but to find something that all would believe in and worship; what is essential is that all may be &lt;i&gt;together&lt;/i&gt; in it. This craving for &lt;i&gt;community&lt;/i&gt; of worship is the chief misery of every man individually and of all humanity from the beginning of time. For the sake of common worship they've slain each other with the sword. They have set up gods and challenged one another, &#8220;Put away your gods and come and worship ours, or we will kill you and your gods!&#8221; And so it will be to the end of the world, even when gods disappear from the earth; they will fall down before idols just the same. Thou didst know, Thou couldst not but have known, this fundamental secret of human nature, but Thou didst reject the one infallible banner which was offered Thee to make all men bow down to Thee alone&#8212;the banner of earthly bread; and Thou hast rejected it for the sake of freedom and the bread of Heaven. Behold what Thou didst further. And all again in the name of freedom! I tell Thee that man is tormented by no greater anxiety than to find some one quickly to whom he can hand over that gift of freedom with which the ill-fated creature is born. But only one who can appease their conscience can take over their freedom. In bread there was offered Thee an invincible banner; give bread, and man will worship thee, for nothing is more certain than bread. But if some one else gains possession of his conscience&#8212;oh! then he will cast away Thy bread and follow after him who has ensnared his conscience. In that Thou wast right. For the secret of man's being is not only to live but to have something to live for. Without a stable conception of the object of life, man would not consent to go on living, and would rather destroy himself than remain on earth, though he had bread in abundance. That is true. But what happened? Instead of taking men's freedom from them, Thou didst make it greater than ever! Didst Thou forget that man prefers peace, and even death, to freedom of choice in the knowledge of good and evil? Nothing is more seductive for man than his freedom of conscience, but nothing is a greater cause of suffering. And behold, instead of giving a firm foundation for setting the conscience of man at rest for ever, Thou didst choose all that is exceptional, vague and enigmatic; Thou didst choose what was utterly beyond the strength of men, acting as though Thou didst not love them at all&#8212;Thou who didst come to give Thy life for them! Instead of taking possession of men's freedom, Thou didst increase it, and burdened the spiritual kingdom of mankind with its sufferings for ever. Thou didst desire man's free love, that he should follow Thee freely, enticed and taken captive by Thee. In place of the rigid ancient law, man must hereafter with free heart decide for himself what is good and what is evil, having only Thy image before him as his guide. But didst Thou not know that he would at last reject even Thy image and Thy truth, if he is weighed down with the fearful burden of free choice? They will cry aloud at last that the truth is not in Thee, for they could not have been left in greater confusion and suffering than Thou hast caused, laying upon them so many cares and unanswerable problems.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;So that, in truth, Thou didst Thyself lay the foundation for the destruction of Thy kingdom, and no one is more to blame for it. Yet what was offered Thee? There are three powers, three powers alone, able to conquer and to hold captive for ever the conscience of these impotent rebels for their happiness&#8212;those forces are miracle, mystery and authority. Thou hast rejected all three and hast set the example for doing so. When the wise and dread spirit set Thee on the pinnacle of the temple and said to Thee, &#8220;If Thou wouldst know whether Thou art the Son of God then cast Thyself down, for it is written: the angels shall hold him up lest he fall and bruise himself, and Thou shalt know then whether Thou art the Son of God and shalt prove then how great is Thy faith in Thy Father.&#8221; But Thou didst refuse and wouldst not cast Thyself down. Oh, of course, Thou didst proudly and well, like God; but the weak, unruly race of men, are they gods? Oh, Thou didst know then that in taking one step, in making one movement to cast Thyself down, Thou wouldst be tempting God and have lost all Thy faith in Him, and wouldst have been dashed to pieces against that earth which Thou didst come to save. And the wise spirit that tempted Thee would have rejoiced. But I ask again, are there many like Thee? And couldst Thou believe for one moment that men, too, could face such a temptation? Is the nature of men such, that they can reject miracle, and at the great moments of their life, the moments of their deepest, most agonizing spiritual difficulties, cling only to the free verdict of the heart? Oh, Thou didst know that Thy deed would be recorded in books, would be handed down to remote times and the utmost ends of the earth, and Thou didst hope that man, following Thee, would cling to God and not ask for a miracle. But Thou didst not know that when man rejects miracle he rejects God too; for man seeks not so much God as the miraculous. And as man cannot bear to be without the miraculous, he will create new miracles of his own for himself, and will worship deeds of sorcery and witchcraft, though he might be a hundred times over a rebel, heretic and infidel. Thou didst not come down from the Cross when they shouted to Thee, mocking and reviling Thee, &#8220;Come down from the cross and we will believe that Thou art He.&#8221; Thou didst not come down, for again Thou wouldst not enslave man by a miracle, and didst crave faith given freely, not based on miracle. Thou didst crave for free love and not the base raptures of the slave before the might that has overawed him for ever. But Thou didst think too highly of men therein, for they are slaves, of course, though rebellious by nature. Look round and judge; fifteen centuries have passed, look upon them. Whom hast Thou raised up to Thyself? I swear, man is weaker and baser by nature than Thou hast believed him! Can he, can he do what Thou didst? By showing him so much respect, Thou didst, as it were, cease to feel for him, for Thou didst ask far too much from him&#8212;Thou who hast loved him more than Thyself! Respecting him less, Thou wouldst have asked less of him. That would have been more like love, for his burden would have been lighter. He is weak and vile. What though he is everywhere now rebelling against our power, and proud of his rebellion? It is the pride of a child and a schoolboy. They are little children rioting and barring out the teacher at school. But their childish delight will end; it will cost them dear. They will cast down temples and drench the earth with blood. But they will see at last, the foolish children, that, though they are rebels, they are impotent rebels, unable to keep up their own rebellion. Bathed in their foolish tears, they will recognize at last that He who created them rebels must have meant to mock at them. They will say this in despair, and their utterance will be a blasphemy which will make them more unhappy still, for man's nature cannot bear blasphemy, and in the end always avenges it on itself. And so unrest, confusion and unhappiness&#8212;that is the present lot of man after Thou didst bear so much for their freedom! The great prophet tells in vision and in image, that he saw all those who took part in the first resurrection and that there were of each tribe twelve thousand. But if there were so many of them, they must have been not men but gods. They had borne Thy cross, they had endured scores of years in the barren, hungry wilderness, living upon locusts and roots&#8212;and Thou mayest indeed point with pride at those children of freedom, of free love, of free and splendid sacrifice for Thy name. But remember that they were only some thousands; and what of the rest? And how are the other weak ones to blame, because they could not endure what the strong have endured? How is the weak soul to blame that it is unable to receive such terrible gifts? Canst Thou have simply come to the elect and for the elect? But if so, it is a mystery and we cannot understand it. And if it is a mystery, we too have a right to preach a mystery, and to teach them that it's not the free judgment of their hearts, not love that matters, but a mystery which they must follow blindly, even against their conscience. So we have done. We have corrected Thy work and have founded it upon &lt;i&gt;miracle, mystery&lt;/i&gt; and &lt;i&gt;authority&lt;/i&gt;. And men rejoiced that they were again led like sheep, and that the terrible gift that had brought them such suffering was, at last, lifted from their hearts. Were we right teaching them this? Speak! Did we not love mankind, so meekly acknowledging their feebleness, lovingly lightening their burden, and permitting their weak nature even sin with our sanction? Why hast Thou come now to hinder us? And why dost Thou look silently and searchingly at me with Thy mild eyes? Be angry. I don't want Thy love, for I love Thee not. And what use is it for me to hide anything from Thee? Don't I know to Whom I am speaking? All that I can say is known to Thee already. And is it for me to conceal from Thee our mystery? Perhaps it is Thy will to hear it from my lips. Listen, then. We are not working with Thee, but with &lt;i&gt;him&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;that is our mystery. It's long&#8212;eight centuries&#8212;since we have been on &lt;i&gt;his&lt;/i&gt; side and not on Thine. Just eight centuries ago, we took from him what Thou didst reject with scorn, that last gift he offered Thee, showing Thee all the kingdoms of the earth. We took from him Rome and the sword of C&#230;sar, and proclaimed ourselves sole rulers of the earth, though hitherto we have not been able to complete our work. But whose fault is that? Oh, the work is only beginning, but it has begun. It has long to await completion and the earth has yet much to suffer, but we shall triumph and shall be C&#230;sars, and then we shall plan the universal happiness of man. But Thou mightest have taken even then the sword of C&#230;sar. Why didst Thou reject that last gift? Hadst Thou accepted that last counsel of the mighty spirit, Thou wouldst have accomplished all that man seeks on earth&#8212;that is, some one to worship, some one to keep his conscience, and some means of uniting all in one unanimous and harmonious ant-heap, for the craving for universal unity is the third and last anguish of men. Mankind as a whole has always striven to organize a universal state. There have been many great nations with great histories, but the more highly they were developed the more unhappy they were, for they felt more acutely than other people the craving for world-wide union. The great conquerors, Timours and Ghenghis-Khans, whirled like hurricanes over the face of the earth striving to subdue its people, and they too were but the unconscious expression of the same craving for universal unity. Hadst Thou taken the world and C&#230;sar's purple, Thou wouldst have founded the universal state and have given universal peace. For who can rule men if not he who holds their conscience and their bread in his hands? We have taken the sword of C&#230;sar, and in taking it, of course, have rejected Thee and followed &lt;i&gt;him&lt;/i&gt;. Oh, ages are yet to come of the confusion of free thought, of their science and cannibalism. For having begun to build their tower of Babel without us, they will end, of course, with cannibalism. But then the beast will crawl to us and lick our feet and spatter them with tears of blood. And we shall sit upon the beast and raise the cup, and on it will be written, &#8220;Mystery.&#8221; But then, and only then, the reign of peace and happiness will come for men. Thou art proud of Thine elect, but Thou hast only the elect, while we give rest to all. And besides, how many of those elect, those mighty ones who could become elect, have grown weary waiting for Thee, and have transferred and will transfer the powers of their spirit and the warmth of their heart to the other camp, and end by raising their &lt;i&gt;free&lt;/i&gt; banner against Thee. Thou didst Thyself lift up that banner. But with us all will be happy and will no more rebel nor destroy one another as under Thy freedom. Oh, we shall persuade them that they will only become free when they renounce their freedom to us and submit to us. And shall we be right or shall we be lying? They will be convinced that we are right, for they will remember the horrors of slavery and confusion to which Thy freedom brought them. Freedom, free thought and science, will lead them into such straits and will bring them face to face with such marvels and insoluble mysteries, that some of them, the fierce and rebellious, will destroy themselves, others, rebellious but weak, will destroy one another, while the rest, weak and unhappy, will crawl fawning to our feet and whine to us: &#8220;Yes, you were right, you alone possess His mystery, and we come back to you, save us from ourselves!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;Receiving bread from us, they will see clearly that we take the bread made by their hands from them, to give it to them, without any miracle. They will see that we do not change the stones to bread, but in truth they will be more thankful for taking it from our hands than for the bread itself! For they will remember only too well that in old days, without our help, even the bread they made turned to stones in their hands, while since they have come back to us, the very stones have turned to bread in their hands. Too, too well will they know the value of complete submission! And until men know that, they will be unhappy. Who is most to blame for their not knowing it?&#8212;speak! Who scattered the flock and sent it astray on unknown paths? But the flock will come together again and will submit once more, and then it will be once for all. Then we shall give them the quiet humble happiness of weak creatures such as they are by nature. Oh, we shall persuade them at last not to be proud, for Thou didst lift them up and thereby taught them to be proud. We shall show them that they are weak, that they are only pitiful children, but that childlike happiness is the sweetest of all. They will become timid and will look to us and huddle close to us in fear, as chicks to the hen. They will marvel at us and will be awe-stricken before us, and will be proud at our being so powerful and clever, that we have been able to subdue such a turbulent flock of thousands of millions. They will tremble impotently before our wrath, their minds will grow fearful, they will be quick to shed tears like women and children, but they will be just as ready at a sign from us to pass to laughter and rejoicing, to happy mirth and childish song. Yes, we shall set them to work, but in their leisure hours we shall make their life like a child's game, with children's songs and innocent dance. Oh, we shall allow them even sin, they are weak and helpless, and they will love us like children because we allow them to sin. We shall tell them that every sin will be expiated, if it is done with our permission, that we allow them to sin because we love them, and the punishment for these sins we take upon ourselves. And we shall take it upon ourselves, and they will adore us as their saviors who have taken on themselves their sins before God. And they will have no secrets from us. We shall allow or forbid them to live with their wives and mistresses, to have or not to have children&#8212;according to whether they have been obedient or disobedient&#8212;and they will submit to us gladly and cheerfully. The most painful secrets of their conscience, all, all they will bring to us, and we shall have an answer for all. And they will be glad to believe our answer, for it will save them from the great anxiety and terrible agony they endure at present in making a free decision for themselves. And all will be happy, all the millions of creatures except the hundred thousand who rule over them. For only we, we who guard the mystery, shall be unhappy. There will be thousands of millions of happy babes, and a hundred thousand sufferers who have taken upon themselves the curse of the knowledge of good and evil. Peacefully they will die, peacefully they will expire in Thy name, and beyond the grave they will find nothing but death. But we shall keep the secret, and for their happiness we shall allure them with the reward of heaven and eternity. Though if there were anything in the other world, it certainly would not be for such as they. It is prophesied that Thou wilt come again in victory, Thou wilt come with Thy chosen, the proud and strong, but we will say that they have only saved themselves, but we have saved all. We are told that the harlot who sits upon the beast, and holds in her hands the &lt;i&gt;mystery&lt;/i&gt;, shall be put to shame, that the weak will rise up again, and will rend her royal purple and will strip naked her loathsome body. But then I will stand up and point out to Thee the thousand millions of happy children who have known no sin. And we who have taken their sins upon us for their happiness will stand up before Thee and say: &#8220;Judge us if Thou canst and darest.&#8221; Know that I fear Thee not. Know that I too have been in the wilderness, I too have lived on roots and locusts, I too prized the freedom with which Thou hast blessed men, and I too was striving to stand among Thy elect, among the strong and powerful, thirsting &#8220;to make up the number.&#8221; But I awakened and would not serve madness. I turned back and joined the ranks of those &lt;i&gt;who have corrected Thy work&lt;/i&gt;. I left the proud and went back to the humble, for the happiness of the humble. What I say to Thee will come to pass, and our dominion will be built up. I repeat, to-morrow Thou shalt see that obedient flock who at a sign from me will hasten to heap up the hot cinders about the pile on which I shall burn Thee for coming to hinder us. For if anyone has ever deserved our fires, it is Thou. To-morrow I shall burn Thee. &lt;i&gt;Dixi&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb21&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Dixi &#8211; I have spoken&#034; id=&#034;nh21&#034;&gt;21&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan stopped. He was carried away as he talked, and spoke with excitement; when he had finished, he suddenly smiled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha had listened in silence; towards the end he was greatly moved and seemed several times on the point of interrupting, but restrained himself. Now his words came with a rush.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But ... that's absurd!&#8221; he cried, flushing. &#8220;Your poem is in praise of Jesus, not in blame of Him&#8212;as you meant it to be. And who will believe you about freedom? Is that the way to understand it? That's not the idea of it in the Orthodox Church.... That's Rome, and not even the whole of Rome, it's false&#8212;those are the worst of the Catholics, the Inquisitors, the Jesuits!... And there could not be such a fantastic creature as your Inquisitor. What are these sins of mankind they take on themselves? Who are these keepers of the mystery who have taken some curse upon themselves for the happiness of mankind? When have they been seen? We know the Jesuits, they are spoken ill of, but surely they are not what you describe? They are not that at all, not at all.... They are simply the Romish army for the earthly sovereignty of the world in the future, with the Pontiff of Rome for Emperor ... that's their ideal, but there's no sort of mystery or lofty melancholy about it.... It's simple lust of power, of filthy earthly gain, of domination&#8212;something like a universal serfdom with them as masters&#8212;that's all they stand for. They don't even believe in God perhaps. Your suffering Inquisitor is a mere fantasy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay, stay,&#8221; laughed Ivan, &#8220;how hot you are! A fantasy you say, let it be so! Of course it's a fantasy. But allow me to say: do you really think that the Roman Catholic movement of the last centuries is actually nothing but the lust of power, of filthy earthly gain? Is that Father Pa&#239;ssy's teaching?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no, on the contrary, Father Pa&#239;ssy did once say something rather the same as you ... but of course it's not the same, not a bit the same,&#8221; Alyosha hastily corrected himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A precious admission, in spite of your &#8216;not a bit the same.' I ask you why your Jesuits and Inquisitors have united simply for vile material gain? Why can there not be among them one martyr oppressed by great sorrow and loving humanity? You see, only suppose that there was one such man among all those who desire nothing but filthy material gain&#8212;if there's only one like my old Inquisitor, who had himself eaten roots in the desert and made frenzied efforts to subdue his flesh to make himself free and perfect. But yet all his life he loved humanity, and suddenly his eyes were opened, and he saw that it is no great moral blessedness to attain perfection and freedom, if at the same time one gains the conviction that millions of God's creatures have been created as a mockery, that they will never be capable of using their freedom, that these poor rebels can never turn into giants to complete the tower, that it was not for such geese that the great idealist dreamt his dream of harmony. Seeing all that he turned back and joined&#8212;the clever people. Surely that could have happened?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Joined whom, what clever people?&#8221; cried Alyosha, completely carried away. &#8220;They have no such great cleverness and no mysteries and secrets.... Perhaps nothing but Atheism, that's all their secret. Your Inquisitor does not believe in God, that's his secret!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What if it is so! At last you have guessed it. It's perfectly true, it's true that that's the whole secret, but isn't that suffering, at least for a man like that, who has wasted his whole life in the desert and yet could not shake off his incurable love of humanity? In his old age he reached the clear conviction that nothing but the advice of the great dread spirit could build up any tolerable sort of life for the feeble, unruly, &#8216;incomplete, empirical creatures created in jest.' And so, convinced of this, he sees that he must follow the counsel of the wise spirit, the dread spirit of death and destruction, and therefore accept lying and deception, and lead men consciously to death and destruction, and yet deceive them all the way so that they may not notice where they are being led, that the poor blind creatures may at least on the way think themselves happy. And note, the deception is in the name of Him in Whose ideal the old man had so fervently believed all his life long. Is not that tragic? And if only one such stood at the head of the whole army &#8216;filled with the lust of power only for the sake of filthy gain'&#8212;would not one such be enough to make a tragedy? More than that, one such standing at the head is enough to create the actual leading idea of the Roman Church with all its armies and Jesuits, its highest idea. I tell you frankly that I firmly believe that there has always been such a man among those who stood at the head of the movement. Who knows, there may have been some such even among the Roman Popes. Who knows, perhaps the spirit of that accursed old man who loves mankind so obstinately in his own way, is to be found even now in a whole multitude of such old men, existing not by chance but by agreement, as a secret league formed long ago for the guarding of the mystery, to guard it from the weak and the unhappy, so as to make them happy. No doubt it is so, and so it must be indeed. I fancy that even among the Masons there's something of the same mystery at the bottom, and that that's why the Catholics so detest the Masons as their rivals breaking up the unity of the idea, while it is so essential that there should be one flock and one shepherd.... But from the way I defend my idea I might be an author impatient of your criticism. Enough of it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are perhaps a Mason yourself!&#8221; broke suddenly from Alyosha. &#8220;You don't believe in God,&#8221; he added, speaking this time very sorrowfully. He fancied besides that his brother was looking at him ironically. &#8220;How does your poem end?&#8221; he asked, suddenly looking down. &#8220;Or was it the end?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I meant to end it like this. When the Inquisitor ceased speaking he waited some time for his Prisoner to answer him. His silence weighed down upon him. He saw that the Prisoner had listened intently all the time, looking gently in his face and evidently not wishing to reply. The old man longed for Him to say something, however bitter and terrible. But He suddenly approached the old man in silence and softly kissed him on his bloodless aged lips. That was all His answer. The old man shuddered. His lips moved. He went to the door, opened it, and said to Him: &#8216;Go, and come no more ... come not at all, never, never!' And he let Him out into the dark alleys of the town. The Prisoner went away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the old man?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The kiss glows in his heart, but the old man adheres to his idea.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you with him, you too?&#8221; cried Alyosha, mournfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan laughed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, it's all nonsense, Alyosha. It's only a senseless poem of a senseless student, who could never write two lines of verse. Why do you take it so seriously? Surely you don't suppose I am going straight off to the Jesuits, to join the men who are correcting His work? Good Lord, it's no business of mine. I told you, all I want is to live on to thirty, and then ... dash the cup to the ground!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But the little sticky leaves, and the precious tombs, and the blue sky, and the woman you love! How will you live, how will you love them?&#8221; Alyosha cried sorrowfully. &#8220;With such a hell in your heart and your head, how can you? No, that's just what you are going away for, to join them ... if not, you will kill yourself, you can't endure it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is a strength to endure everything,&#8221; Ivan said with a cold smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What strength?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The strength of the Karamazovs&#8212;the strength of the Karamazov baseness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To sink into debauchery, to stifle your soul with corruption, yes?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Possibly even that ... only perhaps till I am thirty I shall escape it, and then&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How will you escape it? By what will you escape it? That's impossible with your ideas.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the Karamazov way, again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;Everything is lawful,' you mean? Everything is lawful, is that it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan scowled, and all at once turned strangely pale.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, you've caught up yesterday's phrase, which so offended Mi&#252;sov&#8212;and which Dmitri pounced upon so na&#239;vely, and paraphrased!&#8221; he smiled queerly. &#8220;Yes, if you like, &#8216;everything is lawful' since the word has been said. I won't deny it. And Mitya's version isn't bad.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha looked at him in silence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I thought that going away from here I have you at least,&#8221; Ivan said suddenly, with unexpected feeling; &#8220;but now I see that there is no place for me even in your heart, my dear hermit. The formula, &#8216;all is lawful,' I won't renounce&#8212;will you renounce me for that, yes?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha got up, went to him and softly kissed him on the lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's plagiarism,&#8221; cried Ivan, highly delighted. &#8220;You stole that from my poem. Thank you though. Get up, Alyosha, it's time we were going, both of us.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They went out, but stopped when they reached the entrance of the restaurant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, Alyosha,&#8221; Ivan began in a resolute voice, &#8220;if I am really able to care for the sticky little leaves I shall only love them, remembering you. It's enough for me that you are somewhere here, and I shan't lose my desire for life yet. Is that enough for you? Take it as a declaration of love if you like. And now you go to the right and I to the left. And it's enough, do you hear, enough. I mean even if I don't go away to-morrow (I think I certainly shall go) and we meet again, don't say a word more on these subjects. I beg that particularly. And about Dmitri too, I ask you specially, never speak to me again,&#8221; he added, with sudden irritation; &#8220;it's all exhausted, it has all been said over and over again, hasn't it? And I'll make you one promise in return for it. When at thirty, I want to &#8216;dash the cup to the ground,' wherever I may be I'll come to have one more talk with you, even though it were from America, you may be sure of that. I'll come on purpose. It will be very interesting to have a look at you, to see what you'll be by that time. It's rather a solemn promise, you see. And we really may be parting for seven years or ten. Come, go now to your Pater Seraphicus, he is dying. If he dies without you, you will be angry with me for having kept you. Good-by, kiss me once more; that's right, now go.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan turned suddenly and went his way without looking back. It was just as Dmitri had left Alyosha the day before, though the parting had been very different. The strange resemblance flashed like an arrow through Alyosha's mind in the distress and dejection of that moment. He waited a little, looking after his brother. He suddenly noticed that Ivan swayed as he walked and that his right shoulder looked lower than his left. He had never noticed it before. But all at once he turned too, and almost ran to the monastery. It was nearly dark, and he felt almost frightened; something new was growing up in him for which he could not account. The wind had risen again as on the previous evening, and the ancient pines murmured gloomily about him when he entered the hermitage copse. He almost ran. &#8220;Pater Seraphicus&#8212;he got that name from somewhere&#8212;where from?&#8221; Alyosha wondered. &#8220;Ivan, poor Ivan, and when shall I see you again?... Here is the hermitage. Yes, yes, that he is, Pater Seraphicus, he will save me&#8212;from him and for ever!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Several times afterwards he wondered how he could on leaving Ivan so completely forget his brother Dmitri, though he had that morning, only a few hours before, so firmly resolved to find him and not to give up doing so, even should he be unable to return to the monastery that night.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI. FOR AWHILE A VERY OBSCURE ONE&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And Ivan, on parting from Alyosha, went home to Fyodor Pavlovitch's house. But, strange to say, he was overcome by insufferable depression, which grew greater at every step he took towards the house. There was nothing strange in his being depressed; what was strange was that Ivan could not have said what was the cause of it. He had often been depressed before, and there was nothing surprising at his feeling so at such a moment, when he had broken off with everything that had brought him here, and was preparing that day to make a new start and enter upon a new, unknown future. He would again be as solitary as ever, and though he had great hopes, and great&#8212;too great&#8212;expectations from life, he could not have given any definite account of his hopes, his expectations, or even his desires.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yet at that moment, though the apprehension of the new and unknown certainly found place in his heart, what was worrying him was something quite different. &#8220;Is it loathing for my father's house?&#8221; he wondered. &#8220;Quite likely; I am so sick of it; and though it's the last time I shall cross its hateful threshold, still I loathe it.... No, it's not that either. Is it the parting with Alyosha and the conversation I had with him? For so many years I've been silent with the whole world and not deigned to speak, and all of a sudden I reel off a rigmarole like that.&#8221; It certainly might have been the youthful vexation of youthful inexperience and vanity&#8212;vexation at having failed to express himself, especially with such a being as Alyosha, on whom his heart had certainly been reckoning. No doubt that came in, that vexation, it must have done indeed; but yet that was not it, that was not it either. &#8220;I feel sick with depression and yet I can't tell what I want. Better not think, perhaps.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan tried &#8220;not to think,&#8221; but that, too, was no use. What made his depression so vexatious and irritating was that it had a kind of casual, external character&#8212;he felt that. Some person or thing seemed to be standing out somewhere, just as something will sometimes obtrude itself upon the eye, and though one may be so busy with work or conversation that for a long time one does not notice it, yet it irritates and almost torments one till at last one realizes, and removes the offending object, often quite a trifling and ridiculous one&#8212;some article left about in the wrong place, a handkerchief on the floor, a book not replaced on the shelf, and so on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last, feeling very cross and ill-humored, Ivan arrived home, and suddenly, about fifteen paces from the garden gate, he guessed what was fretting and worrying him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On a bench in the gateway the valet Smerdyakov was sitting enjoying the coolness of the evening, and at the first glance at him Ivan knew that the valet Smerdyakov was on his mind, and that it was this man that his soul loathed. It all dawned upon him suddenly and became clear. Just before, when Alyosha had been telling him of his meeting with Smerdyakov, he had felt a sudden twinge of gloom and loathing, which had immediately stirred responsive anger in his heart. Afterwards, as he talked, Smerdyakov had been forgotten for the time; but still he had been in his mind, and as soon as Ivan parted with Alyosha and was walking home, the forgotten sensation began to obtrude itself again. &#8220;Is it possible that a miserable, contemptible creature like that can worry me so much?&#8221; he wondered, with insufferable irritation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was true that Ivan had come of late to feel an intense dislike for the man, especially during the last few days. He had even begun to notice in himself a growing feeling that was almost of hatred for the creature. Perhaps this hatred was accentuated by the fact that when Ivan first came to the neighborhood he had felt quite differently. Then he had taken a marked interest in Smerdyakov, and had even thought him very original. He had encouraged him to talk to him, although he had always wondered at a certain incoherence, or rather restlessness, in his mind, and could not understand what it was that so continually and insistently worked upon the brain of &#8220;the contemplative.&#8221; They discussed philosophical questions and even how there could have been light on the first day when the sun, moon, and stars were only created on the fourth day, and how that was to be understood. But Ivan soon saw that, though the sun, moon, and stars might be an interesting subject, yet that it was quite secondary to Smerdyakov, and that he was looking for something altogether different. In one way and another, he began to betray a boundless vanity, and a wounded vanity, too, and that Ivan disliked. It had first given rise to his aversion. Later on, there had been trouble in the house. Grushenka had come on the scene, and there had been the scandals with his brother Dmitri&#8212;they discussed that, too. But though Smerdyakov always talked of that with great excitement, it was impossible to discover what he desired to come of it. There was, in fact, something surprising in the illogicality and incoherence of some of his desires, accidentally betrayed and always vaguely expressed. Smerdyakov was always inquiring, putting certain indirect but obviously premeditated questions, but what his object was he did not explain, and usually at the most important moment he would break off and relapse into silence or pass to another subject. But what finally irritated Ivan most and confirmed his dislike for him was the peculiar, revolting familiarity which Smerdyakov began to show more and more markedly. Not that he forgot himself and was rude; on the contrary, he always spoke very respectfully, yet he had obviously begun to consider&#8212;goodness knows why!&#8212;that there was some sort of understanding between him and Ivan Fyodorovitch. He always spoke in a tone that suggested that those two had some kind of compact, some secret between them, that had at some time been expressed on both sides, only known to them and beyond the comprehension of those around them. But for a long while Ivan did not recognize the real cause of his growing dislike and he had only lately realized what was at the root of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With a feeling of disgust and irritation he tried to pass in at the gate without speaking or looking at Smerdyakov. But Smerdyakov rose from the bench, and from that action alone, Ivan knew instantly that he wanted particularly to talk to him. Ivan looked at him and stopped, and the fact that he did stop, instead of passing by, as he meant to the minute before, drove him to fury. With anger and repulsion he looked at Smerdyakov's emasculate, sickly face, with the little curls combed forward on his forehead. His left eye winked and he grinned as if to say, &#8220;Where are you going? You won't pass by; you see that we two clever people have something to say to each other.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan shook. &#8220;Get away, miserable idiot. What have I to do with you?&#8221; was on the tip of his tongue, but to his profound astonishment he heard himself say, &#8220;Is my father still asleep, or has he waked?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He asked the question softly and meekly, to his own surprise, and at once, again to his own surprise, sat down on the bench. For an instant he felt almost frightened; he remembered it afterwards. Smerdyakov stood facing him, his hands behind his back, looking at him with assurance and almost severity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;His honor is still asleep,&#8221; he articulated deliberately (&#8220;You were the first to speak, not I,&#8221; he seemed to say). &#8220;I am surprised at you, sir,&#8221; he added, after a pause, dropping his eyes affectedly, setting his right foot forward, and playing with the tip of his polished boot.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are you surprised at me?&#8221; Ivan asked abruptly and sullenly, doing his utmost to restrain himself, and suddenly realizing, with disgust, that he was feeling intense curiosity and would not, on any account, have gone away without satisfying it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why don't you go to Tchermashnya, sir?&#8221; Smerdyakov suddenly raised his eyes and smiled familiarly. &#8220;Why I smile you must understand of yourself, if you are a clever man,&#8221; his screwed-up left eye seemed to say.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why should I go to Tchermashnya?&#8221; Ivan asked in surprise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov was silent again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fyodor Pavlovitch himself has so begged you to,&#8221; he said at last, slowly and apparently attaching no significance to his answer. &#8220;I put you off with a secondary reason,&#8221; he seemed to suggest, &#8220;simply to say something.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Damn you! Speak out what you want!&#8221; Ivan cried angrily at last, passing from meekness to violence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov drew his right foot up to his left, pulled himself up, but still looked at him with the same serenity and the same little smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Substantially nothing&#8212;but just by way of conversation.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Another silence followed. They did not speak for nearly a minute. Ivan knew that he ought to get up and show anger, and Smerdyakov stood before him and seemed to be waiting as though to see whether he would be angry or not. So at least it seemed to Ivan. At last he moved to get up. Smerdyakov seemed to seize the moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm in an awful position, Ivan Fyodorovitch. I don't know how to help myself,&#8221; he said resolutely and distinctly, and at his last word he sighed. Ivan Fyodorovitch sat down again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They are both utterly crazy, they are no better than little children,&#8221; Smerdyakov went on. &#8220;I am speaking of your parent and your brother Dmitri Fyodorovitch. Here Fyodor Pavlovitch will get up directly and begin worrying me every minute, &#8216;Has she come? Why hasn't she come?' and so on up till midnight and even after midnight. And if Agrafena Alexandrovna doesn't come (for very likely she does not mean to come at all) then he will be at me again to-morrow morning, &#8216;Why hasn't she come? When will she come?'&#8212;as though I were to blame for it. On the other side it's no better. As soon as it gets dark, or even before, your brother will appear with his gun in his hands: &#8216;Look out, you rogue, you soup-maker. If you miss her and don't let me know she's been&#8212;I'll kill you before any one.' When the night's over, in the morning, he, too, like Fyodor Pavlovitch, begins worrying me to death. &#8216;Why hasn't she come? Will she come soon?' And he, too, thinks me to blame because his lady hasn't come. And every day and every hour they get angrier and angrier, so that I sometimes think I shall kill myself in a fright. I can't depend upon them, sir.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And why have you meddled? Why did you begin to spy for Dmitri Fyodorovitch?&#8221; said Ivan irritably.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How could I help meddling? Though, indeed, I haven't meddled at all, if you want to know the truth of the matter. I kept quiet from the very beginning, not daring to answer; but he pitched on me to be his servant. He has had only one thing to say since: &#8216;I'll kill you, you scoundrel, if you miss her,' I feel certain, sir, that I shall have a long fit to-morrow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean by &#8216;a long fit'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A long fit, lasting a long time&#8212;several hours, or perhaps a day or two. Once it went on for three days. I fell from the garret that time. The struggling ceased and then began again, and for three days I couldn't come back to my senses. Fyodor Pavlovitch sent for Herzenstube, the doctor here, and he put ice on my head and tried another remedy, too.... I might have died.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But they say one can't tell with epilepsy when a fit is coming. What makes you say you will have one to-morrow?&#8221; Ivan inquired, with a peculiar, irritable curiosity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's just so. You can't tell beforehand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Besides, you fell from the garret then.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I climb up to the garret every day. I might fall from the garret again to-morrow. And, if not, I might fall down the cellar steps. I have to go into the cellar every day, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan took a long look at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are talking nonsense, I see, and I don't quite understand you,&#8221; he said softly, but with a sort of menace. &#8220;Do you mean to pretend to be ill to-morrow for three days, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov, who was looking at the ground again, and playing with the toe of his right foot, set the foot down, moved the left one forward, and, grinning, articulated:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If I were able to play such a trick, that is, pretend to have a fit&#8212;and it would not be difficult for a man accustomed to them&#8212;I should have a perfect right to use such a means to save myself from death. For even if Agrafena Alexandrovna comes to see his father while I am ill, his honor can't blame a sick man for not telling him. He'd be ashamed to.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hang it all!&#8221; Ivan cried, his face working with anger, &#8220;why are you always in such a funk for your life? All my brother Dmitri's threats are only hasty words and mean nothing. He won't kill you; it's not you he'll kill!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He'd kill me first of all, like a fly. But even more than that, I am afraid I shall be taken for an accomplice of his when he does something crazy to his father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why should you be taken for an accomplice?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They'll think I am an accomplice, because I let him know the signals as a great secret.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What signals? Whom did you tell? Confound you, speak more plainly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm bound to admit the fact,&#8221; Smerdyakov drawled with pedantic composure, &#8220;that I have a secret with Fyodor Pavlovitch in this business. As you know yourself (if only you do know it) he has for several days past locked himself in as soon as night or even evening comes on. Of late you've been going upstairs to your room early every evening, and yesterday you did not come down at all, and so perhaps you don't know how carefully he has begun to lock himself in at night, and even if Grigory Vassilyevitch comes to the door he won't open to him till he hears his voice. But Grigory Vassilyevitch does not come, because I wait upon him alone in his room now. That's the arrangement he made himself ever since this to-do with Agrafena Alexandrovna began. But at night, by his orders, I go away to the lodge so that I don't get to sleep till midnight, but am on the watch, getting up and walking about the yard, waiting for Agrafena Alexandrovna to come. For the last few days he's been perfectly frantic expecting her. What he argues is, she is afraid of him, Dmitri Fyodorovitch (Mitya, as he calls him), &#8216;and so,' says he, &#8216;she'll come the back-way, late at night, to me. You look out for her,' says he, &#8216;till midnight and later; and if she does come, you run up and knock at my door or at the window from the garden. Knock at first twice, rather gently, and then three times more quickly, then,' says he, &#8216;I shall understand at once that she has come, and will open the door to you quietly.' Another signal he gave me in case anything unexpected happens. At first, two knocks, and then, after an interval, another much louder. Then he will understand that something has happened suddenly and that I must see him, and he will open to me so that I can go and speak to him. That's all in case Agrafena Alexandrovna can't come herself, but sends a message. Besides, Dmitri Fyodorovitch might come, too, so I must let him know he is near. His honor is awfully afraid of Dmitri Fyodorovitch, so that even if Agrafena Alexandrovna had come and were locked in with him, and Dmitri Fyodorovitch were to turn up anywhere near at the time, I should be bound to let him know at once, knocking three times. So that the first signal of five knocks means Agrafena Alexandrovna has come, while the second signal of three knocks means &#8216;something important to tell you.' His honor has shown me them several times and explained them. And as in the whole universe no one knows of these signals but myself and his honor, so he'd open the door without the slightest hesitation and without calling out (he is awfully afraid of calling out aloud). Well, those signals are known to Dmitri Fyodorovitch too, now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How are they known? Did you tell him? How dared you tell him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was through fright I did it. How could I dare to keep it back from him? Dmitri Fyodorovitch kept persisting every day, &#8216;You are deceiving me, you are hiding something from me! I'll break both your legs for you.' So I told him those secret signals that he might see my slavish devotion, and might be satisfied that I was not deceiving him, but was telling him all I could.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you think that he'll make use of those signals and try to get in, don't let him in.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But if I should be laid up with a fit, how can I prevent him coming in then, even if I dared prevent him, knowing how desperate he is?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hang it! How can you be so sure you are going to have a fit, confound you? Are you laughing at me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How could I dare laugh at you? I am in no laughing humor with this fear on me. I feel I am going to have a fit. I have a presentiment. Fright alone will bring it on.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Confound it! If you are laid up, Grigory will be on the watch. Let Grigory know beforehand; he will be sure not to let him in.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should never dare to tell Grigory Vassilyevitch about the signals without orders from my master. And as for Grigory Vassilyevitch hearing him and not admitting him, he has been ill ever since yesterday, and Marfa Ignatyevna intends to give him medicine to-morrow. They've just arranged it. It's a very strange remedy of hers. Marfa Ignatyevna knows of a preparation and always keeps it. It's a strong thing made from some herb. She has the secret of it, and she always gives it to Grigory Vassilyevitch three times a year when his lumbago's so bad he is almost paralyzed by it. Then she takes a towel, wets it with the stuff, and rubs his whole back for half an hour till it's quite red and swollen, and what's left in the bottle she gives him to drink with a special prayer; but not quite all, for on such occasions she leaves some for herself, and drinks it herself. And as they never take strong drink, I assure you they both drop asleep at once and sleep sound a very long time. And when Grigory Vassilyevitch wakes up he is perfectly well after it, but Marfa Ignatyevna always has a headache from it. So, if Marfa Ignatyevna carries out her intention to-morrow, they won't hear anything and hinder Dmitri Fyodorovitch. They'll be asleep.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a rigmarole! And it all seems to happen at once, as though it were planned. You'll have a fit and they'll both be unconscious,&#8221; cried Ivan. &#8220;But aren't you trying to arrange it so?&#8221; broke from him suddenly, and he frowned threateningly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How could I?... And why should I, when it all depends on Dmitri Fyodorovitch and his plans?... If he means to do anything, he'll do it; but if not, I shan't be thrusting him upon his father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And why should he go to father, especially on the sly, if, as you say yourself, Agrafena Alexandrovna won't come at all?&#8221; Ivan went on, turning white with anger. &#8220;You say that yourself, and all the while I've been here, I've felt sure it was all the old man's fancy, and the creature won't come to him. Why should Dmitri break in on him if she doesn't come? Speak, I want to know what you are thinking!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know yourself why he'll come. What's the use of what I think? His honour will come simply because he is in a rage or suspicious on account of my illness perhaps, and he'll dash in, as he did yesterday through impatience to search the rooms, to see whether she hasn't escaped him on the sly. He is perfectly well aware, too, that Fyodor Pavlovitch has a big envelope with three thousand roubles in it, tied up with ribbon and sealed with three seals. On it is written in his own hand, &#8216;To my angel Grushenka, if she will come,' to which he added three days later, &#8216;for my little chicken.' There's no knowing what that might do.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nonsense!&#8221; cried Ivan, almost beside himself. &#8220;Dmitri won't come to steal money and kill my father to do it. He might have killed him yesterday on account of Grushenka, like the frantic, savage fool he is, but he won't steal.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is in very great need of money now&#8212;the greatest need, Ivan Fyodorovitch. You don't know in what need he is,&#8221; Smerdyakov explained, with perfect composure and remarkable distinctness. &#8220;He looks on that three thousand as his own, too. He said so to me himself. &#8216;My father still owes me just three thousand,' he said. And besides that, consider, Ivan Fyodorovitch, there is something else perfectly true. It's as good as certain, so to say, that Agrafena Alexandrovna will force him, if only she cares to, to marry her&#8212;the master himself, I mean, Fyodor Pavlovitch&#8212;if only she cares to, and of course she may care to. All I've said is that she won't come, but maybe she's looking for more than that&#8212;I mean to be mistress here. I know myself that Samsonov, her merchant, was laughing with her about it, telling her quite openly that it would not be at all a stupid thing to do. And she's got plenty of sense. She wouldn't marry a beggar like Dmitri Fyodorovitch. So, taking that into consideration, Ivan Fyodorovitch, reflect that then neither Dmitri Fyodorovitch nor yourself and your brother, Alexey Fyodorovitch, would have anything after the master's death, not a rouble, for Agrafena Alexandrovna would marry him simply to get hold of the whole, all the money there is. But if your father were to die now, there'd be some forty thousand for sure, even for Dmitri Fyodorovitch whom he hates so, for he's made no will.... Dmitri Fyodorovitch knows all that very well.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A sort of shudder passed over Ivan's face. He suddenly flushed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then why on earth,&#8221; he suddenly interrupted Smerdyakov, &#8220;do you advise me to go to Tchermashnya? What did you mean by that? If I go away, you see what will happen here.&#8221; Ivan drew his breath with difficulty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Precisely so,&#8221; said Smerdyakov, softly and reasonably, watching Ivan intently, however.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean by &#8216;precisely so'?&#8221; Ivan questioned him, with a menacing light in his eyes, restraining himself with difficulty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I spoke because I felt sorry for you. If I were in your place I should simply throw it all up ... rather than stay on in such a position,&#8221; answered Smerdyakov, with the most candid air looking at Ivan's flashing eyes. They were both silent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You seem to be a perfect idiot, and what's more ... an awful scoundrel, too.&#8221; Ivan rose suddenly from the bench. He was about to pass straight through the gate, but he stopped short and turned to Smerdyakov. Something strange followed. Ivan, in a sudden paroxysm, bit his lip, clenched his fists, and, in another minute, would have flung himself on Smerdyakov. The latter, anyway, noticed it at the same moment, started, and shrank back. But the moment passed without mischief to Smerdyakov, and Ivan turned in silence, as it seemed in perplexity, to the gate.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am going away to Moscow to-morrow, if you care to know&#8212;early to-morrow morning. That's all!&#8221; he suddenly said aloud angrily, and wondered himself afterwards what need there was to say this then to Smerdyakov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's the best thing you can do,&#8221; he responded, as though he had expected to hear it; &#8220;except that you can always be telegraphed for from Moscow, if anything should happen here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan stopped again, and again turned quickly to Smerdyakov. But a change had passed over him, too. All his familiarity and carelessness had completely disappeared. His face expressed attention and expectation, intent but timid and cringing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Haven't you something more to say&#8212;something to add?&#8221; could be read in the intent gaze he fixed on Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And couldn't I be sent for from Tchermashnya, too&#8212;in case anything happened?&#8221; Ivan shouted suddenly, for some unknown reason raising his voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From Tchermashnya, too ... you could be sent for,&#8221; Smerdyakov muttered, almost in a whisper, looking disconcerted, but gazing intently into Ivan's eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Only Moscow is farther and Tchermashnya is nearer. Is it to save my spending money on the fare, or to save my going so far out of my way, that you insist on Tchermashnya?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Precisely so ...&#8221; muttered Smerdyakov, with a breaking voice. He looked at Ivan with a revolting smile, and again made ready to draw back. But to his astonishment Ivan broke into a laugh, and went through the gate still laughing. anyone who had seen his face at that moment would have known that he was not laughing from lightness of heart, and he could not have explained himself what he was feeling at that instant. He moved and walked as though in a nervous frenzy.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII. &#8220;IT'S ALWAYS WORTH WHILE SPEAKING TO A CLEVER MAN&#8221;&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And in the same nervous frenzy, too, he spoke. Meeting Fyodor Pavlovitch in the drawing-room directly he went in, he shouted to him, waving his hands, &#8220;I am going upstairs to my room, not in to you. Good-by!&#8221; and passed by, trying not even to look at his father. Very possibly the old man was too hateful to him at that moment; but such an unceremonious display of hostility was a surprise even to Fyodor Pavlovitch. And the old man evidently wanted to tell him something at once and had come to meet him in the drawing-room on purpose. Receiving this amiable greeting, he stood still in silence and with an ironical air watched his son going upstairs, till he passed out of sight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's the matter with him?&#8221; he promptly asked Smerdyakov, who had followed Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Angry about something. Who can tell?&#8221; the valet muttered evasively.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Confound him! Let him be angry then. Bring in the samovar, and get along with you. Look sharp! No news?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then followed a series of questions such as Smerdyakov had just complained of to Ivan, all relating to his expected visitor, and these questions we will omit. Half an hour later the house was locked, and the crazy old man was wandering along through the rooms in excited expectation of hearing every minute the five knocks agreed upon. Now and then he peered out into the darkness, seeing nothing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was very late, but Ivan was still awake and reflecting. He sat up late that night, till two o'clock. But we will not give an account of his thoughts, and this is not the place to look into that soul&#8212;its turn will come. And even if one tried, it would be very hard to give an account of them, for there were no thoughts in his brain, but something very vague, and, above all, intense excitement. He felt himself that he had lost his bearings. He was fretted, too, by all sorts of strange and almost surprising desires; for instance, after midnight he suddenly had an intense irresistible inclination to go down, open the door, go to the lodge and beat Smerdyakov. But if he had been asked why, he could not have given any exact reason, except perhaps that he loathed the valet as one who had insulted him more gravely than anyone in the world. On the other hand, he was more than once that night overcome by a sort of inexplicable humiliating terror, which he felt positively paralyzed his physical powers. His head ached and he was giddy. A feeling of hatred was rankling in his heart, as though he meant to avenge himself on someone. He even hated Alyosha, recalling the conversation he had just had with him. At moments he hated himself intensely. Of Katerina Ivanovna he almost forgot to think, and wondered greatly at this afterwards, especially as he remembered perfectly that when he had protested so valiantly to Katerina Ivanovna that he would go away next day to Moscow, something had whispered in his heart, &#8220;That's nonsense, you are not going, and it won't be so easy to tear yourself away as you are boasting now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Remembering that night long afterwards, Ivan recalled with peculiar repulsion how he had suddenly got up from the sofa and had stealthily, as though he were afraid of being watched, opened the door, gone out on the staircase and listened to Fyodor Pavlovitch stirring down below, had listened a long while&#8212;some five minutes&#8212;with a sort of strange curiosity, holding his breath while his heart throbbed. And why he had done all this, why he was listening, he could not have said. That &#8220;action&#8221; all his life afterwards he called &#8220;infamous,&#8221; and at the bottom of his heart, he thought of it as the basest action of his life. For Fyodor Pavlovitch himself he felt no hatred at that moment, but was simply intensely curious to know how he was walking down there below and what he must be doing now. He wondered and imagined how he must be peeping out of the dark windows and stopping in the middle of the room, listening, listening&#8212;for some one to knock. Ivan went out on to the stairs twice to listen like this.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
About two o'clock when everything was quiet, and even Fyodor Pavlovitch had gone to bed, Ivan had got into bed, firmly resolved to fall asleep at once, as he felt fearfully exhausted. And he did fall asleep at once, and slept soundly without dreams, but waked early, at seven o'clock, when it was broad daylight. Opening his eyes, he was surprised to feel himself extraordinarily vigorous. He jumped up at once and dressed quickly; then dragged out his trunk and began packing immediately. His linen had come back from the laundress the previous morning. Ivan positively smiled at the thought that everything was helping his sudden departure. And his departure certainly was sudden. Though Ivan had said the day before (to Katerina Ivanovna, Alyosha, and Smerdyakov) that he was leaving next day, yet he remembered that he had no thought of departure when he went to bed, or, at least, had not dreamed that his first act in the morning would be to pack his trunk. At last his trunk and bag were ready. It was about nine o'clock when Marfa Ignatyevna came in with her usual inquiry, &#8220;Where will your honor take your tea, in your own room or downstairs?&#8221; He looked almost cheerful, but there was about him, about his words and gestures, something hurried and scattered. Greeting his father affably, and even inquiring specially after his health, though he did not wait to hear his answer to the end, he announced that he was starting off in an hour to return to Moscow for good, and begged him to send for the horses. His father heard this announcement with no sign of surprise, and forgot in an unmannerly way to show regret at losing him. Instead of doing so, he flew into a great flutter at the recollection of some important business of his own.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a fellow you are! Not to tell me yesterday! Never mind; we'll manage it all the same. Do me a great service, my dear boy. Go to Tchermashnya on the way. It's only to turn to the left from the station at Volovya, only another twelve versts and you come to Tchermashnya.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm sorry, I can't. It's eighty versts to the railway and the train starts for Moscow at seven o'clock to-night. I can only just catch it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'll catch it to-morrow or the day after, but to-day turn off to Tchermashnya. It won't put you out much to humor your father! If I hadn't had something to keep me here, I would have run over myself long ago, for I've some business there in a hurry. But here I ... it's not the time for me to go now.... You see, I've two pieces of copse land there. The Maslovs, an old merchant and his son, will give eight thousand for the timber. But last year I just missed a purchaser who would have given twelve. There's no getting anyone about here to buy it. The Maslovs have it all their own way. One has to take what they'll give, for no one here dare bid against them. The priest at Ilyinskoe wrote to me last Thursday that a merchant called Gorstkin, a man I know, had turned up. What makes him valuable is that he is not from these parts, so he is not afraid of the Maslovs. He says he will give me eleven thousand for the copse. Do you hear? But he'll only be here, the priest writes, for a week altogether, so you must go at once and make a bargain with him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you write to the priest; he'll make the bargain.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He can't do it. He has no eye for business. He is a perfect treasure, I'd give him twenty thousand to take care of for me without a receipt; but he has no eye for business, he is a perfect child, a crow could deceive him. And yet he is a learned man, would you believe it? This Gorstkin looks like a peasant, he wears a blue kaftan, but he is a regular rogue. That's the common complaint. He is a liar. Sometimes he tells such lies that you wonder why he is doing it. He told me the year before last that his wife was dead and that he had married another, and would you believe it, there was not a word of truth in it? His wife has never died at all, she is alive to this day and gives him a beating twice a week. So what you have to find out is whether he is lying or speaking the truth, when he says he wants to buy it and would give eleven thousand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall be no use in such a business. I have no eye either.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay, wait a bit! You will be of use, for I will tell you the signs by which you can judge about Gorstkin. I've done business with him a long time. You see, you must watch his beard; he has a nasty, thin, red beard. If his beard shakes when he talks and he gets cross, it's all right, he is saying what he means, he wants to do business. But if he strokes his beard with his left hand and grins&#8212;he is trying to cheat you. Don't watch his eyes, you won't find out anything from his eyes, he is a deep one, a rogue&#8212;but watch his beard! I'll give you a note and you show it to him. He's called Gorstkin, though his real name is Lyagavy&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb22&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Lyagavy &#8211; i.e. setter dog. TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&#034; id=&#034;nh22&#034;&gt;22&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;; but don't call him so, he will be offended. If you come to an understanding with him, and see it's all right, write here at once. You need only write: &#8216;He's not lying.' Stand out for eleven thousand; one thousand you can knock off, but not more. Just think! there's a difference between eight thousand and eleven thousand. It's as good as picking up three thousand; it's not so easy to find a purchaser, and I'm in desperate need of money. Only let me know it's serious, and I'll run over and fix it up. I'll snatch the time somehow. But what's the good of my galloping over, if it's all a notion of the priest's? Come, will you go?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I can't spare the time. You must excuse me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, you might oblige your father. I shan't forget it. You've no heart, any of you&#8212;that's what it is? What's a day or two to you? Where are you going now&#8212;to Venice? Your Venice will keep another two days. I would have sent Alyosha, but what use is Alyosha in a thing like that? I send you just because you are a clever fellow. Do you suppose I don't see that? You know nothing about timber, but you've got an eye. All that is wanted is to see whether the man is in earnest. I tell you, watch his beard&#8212;if his beard shakes you know he is in earnest.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You force me to go to that damned Tchermashnya yourself, then?&#8221; cried Ivan, with a malignant smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fyodor Pavlovitch did not catch, or would not catch, the malignancy, but he caught the smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then you'll go, you'll go? I'll scribble the note for you at once.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know whether I shall go. I don't know. I'll decide on the way.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nonsense! Decide at once. My dear fellow, decide! If you settle the matter, write me a line; give it to the priest and he'll send it on to me at once. And I won't delay you more than that. You can go to Venice. The priest will give you horses back to Volovya station.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old man was quite delighted. He wrote the note, and sent for the horses. A light lunch was brought in, with brandy. When Fyodor Pavlovitch was pleased, he usually became expansive, but to-day he seemed to restrain himself. Of Dmitri, for instance, he did not say a word. He was quite unmoved by the parting, and seemed, in fact, at a loss for something to say. Ivan noticed this particularly. &#8220;He must be bored with me,&#8221; he thought. Only when accompanying his son out on to the steps, the old man began to fuss about. He would have kissed him, but Ivan made haste to hold out his hand, obviously avoiding the kiss. His father saw it at once, and instantly pulled himself up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, good luck to you, good luck to you!&#8221; he repeated from the steps. &#8220;You'll come again some time or other? Mind you do come. I shall always be glad to see you. Well, Christ be with you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan got into the carriage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by, Ivan! Don't be too hard on me!&#8221; the father called for the last time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The whole household came out to take leave&#8212;Smerdyakov, Marfa and Grigory. Ivan gave them ten roubles each. When he had seated himself in the carriage, Smerdyakov jumped up to arrange the rug.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see ... I am going to Tchermashnya,&#8221; broke suddenly from Ivan. Again, as the day before, the words seemed to drop of themselves, and he laughed, too, a peculiar, nervous laugh. He remembered it long after.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's a true saying then, that &#8216;it's always worth while speaking to a clever man,' &#8221; answered Smerdyakov firmly, looking significantly at Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The carriage rolled away. Nothing was clear in Ivan's soul, but he looked eagerly around him at the fields, at the hills, at the trees, at a flock of geese flying high overhead in the bright sky. And all of a sudden he felt very happy. He tried to talk to the driver, and he felt intensely interested in an answer the peasant made him; but a minute later he realized that he was not catching anything, and that he had not really even taken in the peasant's answer. He was silent, and it was pleasant even so. The air was fresh, pure and cool, the sky bright. The images of Alyosha and Katerina Ivanovna floated into his mind. But he softly smiled, blew softly on the friendly phantoms, and they flew away. &#8220;There's plenty of time for them,&#8221; he thought. They reached the station quickly, changed horses, and galloped to Volovya. &#8220;Why is it worth while speaking to a clever man? What did he mean by that?&#8221; The thought seemed suddenly to clutch at his breathing. &#8220;And why did I tell him I was going to Tchermashnya?&#8221; They reached Volovya station. Ivan got out of the carriage, and the drivers stood round him bargaining over the journey of twelve versts to Tchermashnya. He told them to harness the horses. He went into the station house, looked round, glanced at the overseer's wife, and suddenly went back to the entrance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I won't go to Tchermashnya. Am I too late to reach the railway by seven, brothers?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We shall just do it. Shall we get the carriage out?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At once. Will anyone of you be going to the town to-morrow?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be sure. Mitri here will.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Can you do me a service, Mitri? Go to my father's, to Fyodor Pavlovitch Karamazov, and tell him I haven't gone to Tchermashnya. Can you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course I can. I've known Fyodor Pavlovitch a long time.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And here's something for you, for I dare say he won't give you anything,&#8221; said Ivan, laughing gayly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You may depend on it he won't.&#8221; Mitya laughed too. &#8220;Thank you, sir. I'll be sure to do it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At seven o'clock Ivan got into the train and set off to Moscow &#8220;Away with the past. I've done with the old world for ever, and may I have no news, no echo, from it. To a new life, new places and no looking back!&#8221; But instead of delight his soul was filled with such gloom, and his heart ached with such anguish, as he had never known in his life before. He was thinking all the night. The train flew on, and only at daybreak, when he was approaching Moscow, he suddenly roused himself from his meditation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am a scoundrel,&#8221; he whispered to himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fyodor Pavlovitch remained well satisfied at having seen his son off. For two hours afterwards he felt almost happy, and sat drinking brandy. But suddenly something happened which was very annoying and unpleasant for every one in the house, and completely upset Fyodor Pavlovitch's equanimity at once. Smerdyakov went to the cellar for something and fell down from the top of the steps. Fortunately, Marfa Ignatyevna was in the yard and heard him in time. She did not see the fall, but heard his scream&#8212;the strange, peculiar scream, long familiar to her&#8212;the scream of the epileptic falling in a fit. They could not tell whether the fit had come on him at the moment he was descending the steps, so that he must have fallen unconscious, or whether it was the fall and the shock that had caused the fit in Smerdyakov, who was known to be liable to them. They found him at the bottom of the cellar steps, writhing in convulsions and foaming at the mouth. It was thought at first that he must have broken something&#8212;an arm or a leg&#8212;and hurt himself, but &#8220;God had preserved him,&#8221; as Marfa Ignatyevna expressed it&#8212;nothing of the kind had happened. But it was difficult to get him out of the cellar. They asked the neighbors to help and managed it somehow. Fyodor Pavlovitch himself was present at the whole ceremony. He helped, evidently alarmed and upset. The sick man did not regain consciousness; the convulsions ceased for a time, but then began again, and every one concluded that the same thing would happen, as had happened a year before, when he accidentally fell from the garret. They remembered that ice had been put on his head then. There was still ice in the cellar, and Marfa Ignatyevna had some brought up. In the evening, Fyodor Pavlovitch sent for Doctor Herzenstube, who arrived at once. He was a most estimable old man, and the most careful and conscientious doctor in the province. After careful examination, he concluded that the fit was a very violent one and might have serious consequences; that meanwhile he, Herzenstube, did not fully understand it, but that by to-morrow morning, if the present remedies were unavailing, he would venture to try something else. The invalid was taken to the lodge, to a room next to Grigory's and Marfa Ignatyevna's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then Fyodor Pavlovitch had one misfortune after another to put up with that day. Marfa Ignatyevna cooked the dinner, and the soup, compared with Smerdyakov's, was &#8220;no better than dish-water,&#8221; and the fowl was so dried up that it was impossible to masticate it. To her master's bitter, though deserved, reproaches, Marfa Ignatyevna replied that the fowl was a very old one to begin with, and that she had never been trained as a cook. In the evening there was another trouble in store for Fyodor Pavlovitch; he was informed that Grigory, who had not been well for the last three days, was completely laid up by his lumbago. Fyodor Pavlovitch finished his tea as early as possible and locked himself up alone in the house. He was in terrible excitement and suspense. That evening he reckoned on Grushenka's coming almost as a certainty. He had received from Smerdyakov that morning an assurance &#8220;that she had promised to come without fail.&#8221; The incorrigible old man's heart throbbed with excitement; he paced up and down his empty rooms listening. He had to be on the alert. Dmitri might be on the watch for her somewhere, and when she knocked on the window (Smerdyakov had informed him two days before that he had told her where and how to knock) the door must be opened at once. She must not be a second in the passage, for fear&#8212;which God forbid!&#8212;that she should be frightened and run away. Fyodor Pavlovitch had much to think of, but never had his heart been steeped in such voluptuous hopes. This time he could say almost certainly that she would come!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;BOOKVI&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;BOOK VI. THE RUSSIAN MONK&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I. FATHER ZOSSIMA AND HIS VISITORS&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When with an anxious and aching heart Alyosha went into his elder's cell, he stood still almost astonished. Instead of a sick man at his last gasp, perhaps unconscious, as he had feared to find him, he saw him sitting up in his chair and, though weak and exhausted, his face was bright and cheerful, he was surrounded by visitors and engaged in a quiet and joyful conversation. But he had only got up from his bed a quarter of an hour before Alyosha's arrival; his visitors had gathered together in his cell earlier, waiting for him to wake, having received a most confident assurance from Father Pa&#239;ssy that &#8220;the teacher would get up, and as he had himself promised in the morning, converse once more with those dear to his heart.&#8221; This promise and indeed every word of the dying elder Father Pa&#239;ssy put implicit trust in. If he had seen him unconscious, if he had seen him breathe his last, and yet had his promise that he would rise up and say good-by to him, he would not have believed perhaps even in death, but would still have expected the dead man to recover and fulfill his promise. In the morning as he lay down to sleep, Father Zossima had told him positively: &#8220;I shall not die without the delight of another conversation with you, beloved of my heart. I shall look once more on your dear face and pour out my heart to you once again.&#8221; The monks, who had gathered for this probably last conversation with Father Zossima, had all been his devoted friends for many years. There were four of them: Father Iosif and Father Pa&#239;ssy, Father Miha&#239;l, the warden of the hermitage, a man not very old and far from being learned. He was of humble origin, of strong will and steadfast faith, of austere appearance, but of deep tenderness, though he obviously concealed it as though he were almost ashamed of it. The fourth, Father Anfim, was a very old and humble little monk of the poorest peasant class. He was almost illiterate, and very quiet, scarcely speaking to any one. He was the humblest of the humble, and looked as though he had been frightened by something great and awful beyond the scope of his intelligence. Father Zossima had a great affection for this timorous man, and always treated him with marked respect, though perhaps there was no one he had known to whom he had said less, in spite of the fact that he had spent years wandering about holy Russia with him. That was very long ago, forty years before, when Father Zossima first began his life as a monk in a poor and little monastery at Kostroma, and when, shortly after, he had accompanied Father Anfim on his pilgrimage to collect alms for their poor monastery.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The whole party were in the bedroom which, as we mentioned before, was very small, so that there was scarcely room for the four of them (in addition to Porfiry, the novice, who stood) to sit round Father Zossima on chairs brought from the sitting-room. It was already beginning to get dark, the room was lighted up by the lamps and the candles before the ikons.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seeing Alyosha standing embarrassed in the doorway, Father Zossima smiled at him joyfully and held out his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Welcome, my quiet one, welcome, my dear, here you are too. I knew you would come.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha went up to him, bowed down before him to the ground and wept. Something surged up from his heart, his soul was quivering, he wanted to sob.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, don't weep over me yet,&#8221; Father Zossima smiled, laying his right hand on his head. &#8220;You see I am sitting up talking; maybe I shall live another twenty years yet, as that dear good woman from Vishegorye, with her little Lizaveta in her arms, wished me yesterday. God bless the mother and the little girl Lizaveta,&#8221; he crossed himself. &#8220;Porfiry, did you take her offering where I told you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He meant the sixty copecks brought him the day before by the good-humored woman to be given &#8220;to some one poorer than me.&#8221; Such offerings, always of money gained by personal toil, are made by way of penance voluntarily undertaken. The elder had sent Porfiry the evening before to a widow, whose house had been burnt down lately, and who after the fire had gone with her children begging alms. Porfiry hastened to reply that he had given the money, as he had been instructed, &#8220;from an unknown benefactress.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Get up, my dear boy,&#8221; the elder went on to Alyosha. &#8220;Let me look at you. Have you been home and seen your brother?&#8221; It seemed strange to Alyosha that he asked so confidently and precisely, about one of his brothers only&#8212;but which one? Then perhaps he had sent him out both yesterday and to-day for the sake of that brother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have seen one of my brothers,&#8221; answered Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I mean the elder one, to whom I bowed down.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I only saw him yesterday and could not find him to-day,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Make haste to find him, go again to-morrow and make haste, leave everything and make haste. Perhaps you may still have time to prevent something terrible. I bowed down yesterday to the great suffering in store for him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was suddenly silent and seemed to be pondering. The words were strange. Father Iosif, who had witnessed the scene yesterday, exchanged glances with Father Pa&#239;ssy. Alyosha could not resist asking:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father and teacher,&#8221; he began with extreme emotion, &#8220;your words are too obscure.... What is this suffering in store for him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't inquire. I seemed to see something terrible yesterday ... as though his whole future were expressed in his eyes. A look came into his eyes&#8212;so that I was instantly horror-stricken at what that man is preparing for himself. Once or twice in my life I've seen such a look in a man's face ... reflecting as it were his future fate, and that fate, alas, came to pass. I sent you to him, Alexey, for I thought your brotherly face would help him. But everything and all our fates are from the Lord. &#8216;Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone; but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.' Remember that. You, Alexey, I've many times silently blessed for your face, know that,&#8221; added the elder with a gentle smile. &#8220;This is what I think of you, you will go forth from these walls, but will live like a monk in the world. You will have many enemies, but even your foes will love you. Life will bring you many misfortunes, but you will find your happiness in them, and will bless life and will make others bless it&#8212;which is what matters most. Well, that is your character. Fathers and teachers,&#8221; he addressed his friends with a tender smile, &#8220;I have never till to-day told even him why the face of this youth is so dear to me. Now I will tell you. His face has been as it were a remembrance and a prophecy for me. At the dawn of my life when I was a child I had an elder brother who died before my eyes at seventeen. And later on in the course of my life I gradually became convinced that that brother had been for a guidance and a sign from on high for me. For had he not come into my life, I should never perhaps, so I fancy at least, have become a monk and entered on this precious path. He appeared first to me in my childhood, and here, at the end of my pilgrimage, he seems to have come to me over again. It is marvelous, fathers and teachers, that Alexey, who has some, though not a great, resemblance in face, seems to me so like him spiritually, that many times I have taken him for that young man, my brother, mysteriously come back to me at the end of my pilgrimage, as a reminder and an inspiration. So that I positively wondered at so strange a dream in myself. Do you hear this, Porfiry?&#8221; he turned to the novice who waited on him. &#8220;Many times I've seen in your face as it were a look of mortification that I love Alexey more than you. Now you know why that was so, but I love you too, know that, and many times I grieved at your mortification. I should like to tell you, dear friends, of that youth, my brother, for there has been no presence in my life more precious, more significant and touching. My heart is full of tenderness, and I look at my whole life at this moment as though living through it again.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Here I must observe that this last conversation of Father Zossima with the friends who visited him on the last day of his life has been partly preserved in writing. Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov wrote it down from memory, some time after his elder's death. But whether this was only the conversation that took place then, or whether he added to it his notes of parts of former conversations with his teacher, I cannot determine. In his account, Father Zossima's talk goes on without interruption, as though he told his life to his friends in the form of a story, though there is no doubt, from other accounts of it, that the conversation that evening was general. Though the guests did not interrupt Father Zossima much, yet they too talked, perhaps even told something themselves. Besides, Father Zossima could not have carried on an uninterrupted narrative, for he was sometimes gasping for breath, his voice failed him, and he even lay down to rest on his bed, though he did not fall asleep and his visitors did not leave their seats. Once or twice the conversation was interrupted by Father Pa&#239;ssy's reading the Gospel. It is worthy of note, too, that no one of them supposed that he would die that night, for on that evening of his life after his deep sleep in the day he seemed suddenly to have found new strength, which kept him up through this long conversation. It was like a last effort of love which gave him marvelous energy; only for a little time, however, for his life was cut short immediately.... But of that later. I will only add now that I have preferred to confine myself to the account given by Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov. It will be shorter and not so fatiguing, though of course, as I must repeat, Alyosha took a great deal from previous conversations and added them to it.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Notes of the Life of the deceased Priest and Monk, the Elder Zossima, taken from his own words by Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;BIOGRAPHICAL NOTES&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;(a) Father Zossima's Brother&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Beloved fathers and teachers, I was born in a distant province in the north, in the town of V. My father was a gentleman by birth, but of no great consequence or position. He died when I was only two years old, and I don't remember him at all. He left my mother a small house built of wood, and a fortune, not large, but sufficient to keep her and her children in comfort. There were two of us, my elder brother Markel and I. He was eight years older than I was, of hasty irritable temperament, but kind-hearted and never ironical. He was remarkably silent, especially at home with me, his mother, and the servants. He did well at school, but did not get on with his schoolfellows, though he never quarreled, at least so my mother has told me. Six months before his death, when he was seventeen, he made friends with a political exile who had been banished from Moscow to our town for freethinking, and led a solitary existence there. He was a good scholar who had gained distinction in philosophy in the university. Something made him take a fancy to Markel, and he used to ask him to see him. The young man would spend whole evenings with him during that winter, till the exile was summoned to Petersburg to take up his post again at his own request, as he had powerful friends.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was the beginning of Lent, and Markel would not fast, he was rude and laughed at it. &#8220;That's all silly twaddle, and there is no God,&#8221; he said, horrifying my mother, the servants, and me too. For though I was only nine, I too was aghast at hearing such words. We had four servants, all serfs. I remember my mother selling one of the four, the cook Afimya, who was lame and elderly, for sixty paper roubles, and hiring a free servant to take her place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the sixth week in Lent, my brother, who was never strong and had a tendency to consumption, was taken ill. He was tall but thin and delicate-looking, and of very pleasing countenance. I suppose he caught cold, anyway the doctor, who came, soon whispered to my mother that it was galloping consumption, that he would not live through the spring. My mother began weeping, and, careful not to alarm my brother, she entreated him to go to church, to confess and take the sacrament, as he was still able to move about. This made him angry, and he said something profane about the church. He grew thoughtful, however; he guessed at once that he was seriously ill, and that that was why his mother was begging him to confess and take the sacrament. He had been aware, indeed, for a long time past, that he was far from well, and had a year before coolly observed at dinner to our mother and me, &#8220;My life won't be long among you, I may not live another year,&#8221; which seemed now like a prophecy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Three days passed and Holy Week had come. And on Tuesday morning my brother began going to church. &#8220;I am doing this simply for your sake, mother, to please and comfort you,&#8221; he said. My mother wept with joy and grief. &#8220;His end must be near,&#8221; she thought, &#8220;if there's such a change in him.&#8221; But he was not able to go to church long, he took to his bed, so he had to confess and take the sacrament at home.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a late Easter, and the days were bright, fine, and full of fragrance. I remember he used to cough all night and sleep badly, but in the morning he dressed and tried to sit up in an arm-chair. That's how I remember him sitting, sweet and gentle, smiling, his face bright and joyous, in spite of his illness. A marvelous change passed over him, his spirit seemed transformed. The old nurse would come in and say, &#8220;Let me light the lamp before the holy image, my dear.&#8221; And once he would not have allowed it and would have blown it out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Light it, light it, dear, I was a wretch to have prevented you doing it. You are praying when you light the lamp, and I am praying when I rejoice seeing you. So we are praying to the same God.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Those words seemed strange to us, and mother would go to her room and weep, but when she went in to him she wiped her eyes and looked cheerful. &#8220;Mother, don't weep, darling,&#8221; he would say, &#8220;I've long to live yet, long to rejoice with you, and life is glad and joyful.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, dear boy, how can you talk of joy when you lie feverish at night, coughing as though you would tear yourself to pieces.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't cry, mother,&#8221; he would answer, &#8220;life is paradise, and we are all in paradise, but we won't see it, if we would, we should have heaven on earth the next day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Every one wondered at his words, he spoke so strangely and positively; we were all touched and wept. Friends came to see us. &#8220;Dear ones,&#8221; he would say to them, &#8220;what have I done that you should love me so, how can you love anyone like me, and how was it I did not know, I did not appreciate it before?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the servants came in to him he would say continually, &#8220;Dear, kind people, why are you doing so much for me, do I deserve to be waited on? If it were God's will for me to live, I would wait on you, for all men should wait on one another.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mother shook her head as she listened. &#8220;My darling, it's your illness makes you talk like that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mother, darling,&#8221; he would say, &#8220;there must be servants and masters, but if so I will be the servant of my servants, the same as they are to me. And another thing, mother, every one of us has sinned against all men, and I more than any.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mother positively smiled at that, smiled through her tears. &#8220;Why, how could you have sinned against all men, more than all? Robbers and murderers have done that, but what sin have you committed yet, that you hold yourself more guilty than all?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mother, little heart of mine,&#8221; he said (he had begun using such strange caressing words at that time), &#8220;little heart of mine, my joy, believe me, every one is really responsible to all men for all men and for everything. I don't know how to explain it to you, but I feel it is so, painfully even. And how is it we went on then living, getting angry and not knowing?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So he would get up every day, more and more sweet and joyous and full of love. When the doctor, an old German called Eisenschmidt, came:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, doctor, have I another day in this world?&#8221; he would ask, joking.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'll live many days yet,&#8221; the doctor would answer, &#8220;and months and years too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Months and years!&#8221; he would exclaim. &#8220;Why reckon the days? One day is enough for a man to know all happiness. My dear ones, why do we quarrel, try to outshine each other and keep grudges against each other? Let's go straight into the garden, walk and play there, love, appreciate, and kiss each other, and glorify life.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your son cannot last long,&#8221; the doctor told my mother, as she accompanied him to the door. &#8220;The disease is affecting his brain.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The windows of his room looked out into the garden, and our garden was a shady one, with old trees in it which were coming into bud. The first birds of spring were flitting in the branches, chirruping and singing at the windows. And looking at them and admiring them, he began suddenly begging their forgiveness too: &#8220;Birds of heaven, happy birds, forgive me, for I have sinned against you too.&#8221; None of us could understand that at the time, but he shed tears of joy. &#8220;Yes,&#8221; he said, &#8220;there was such a glory of God all about me: birds, trees, meadows, sky; only I lived in shame and dishonored it all and did not notice the beauty and glory.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You take too many sins on yourself,&#8221; mother used to say, weeping.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mother, darling, it's for joy, not for grief I am crying. Though I can't explain it to you, I like to humble myself before them, for I don't know how to love them enough. If I have sinned against every one, yet all forgive me, too, and that's heaven. Am I not in heaven now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And there was a great deal more I don't remember. I remember I went once into his room when there was no one else there. It was a bright evening, the sun was setting, and the whole room was lighted up. He beckoned me, and I went up to him. He put his hands on my shoulders and looked into my face tenderly, lovingly; he said nothing for a minute, only looked at me like that.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well,&#8221; he said, &#8220;run and play now, enjoy life for me too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I went out then and ran to play. And many times in my life afterwards I remembered even with tears how he told me to enjoy life for him too. There were many other marvelous and beautiful sayings of his, though we did not understand them at the time. He died the third week after Easter. He was fully conscious though he could not talk; up to his last hour he did not change. He looked happy, his eyes beamed and sought us, he smiled at us, beckoned us. There was a great deal of talk even in the town about his death. I was impressed by all this at the time, but not too much so, though I cried a good deal at his funeral. I was young then, a child, but a lasting impression, a hidden feeling of it all, remained in my heart, ready to rise up and respond when the time came. So indeed it happened.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;(b) Of the Holy Scriptures in the Life of Father Zossima&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I was left alone with my mother. Her friends began advising her to send me to Petersburg as other parents did. &#8220;You have only one son now,&#8221; they said, &#8220;and have a fair income, and you will be depriving him perhaps of a brilliant career if you keep him here.&#8221; They suggested I should be sent to Petersburg to the Cadet Corps, that I might afterwards enter the Imperial Guard. My mother hesitated for a long time, it was awful to part with her only child, but she made up her mind to it at last, though not without many tears, believing she was acting for my happiness. She brought me to Petersburg and put me into the Cadet Corps, and I never saw her again. For she too died three years afterwards. She spent those three years mourning and grieving for both of us.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
From the house of my childhood I have brought nothing but precious memories, for there are no memories more precious than those of early childhood in one's first home. And that is almost always so if there is any love and harmony in the family at all. Indeed, precious memories may remain even of a bad home, if only the heart knows how to find what is precious. With my memories of home I count, too, my memories of the Bible, which, child as I was, I was very eager to read at home. I had a book of Scripture history then with excellent pictures, called &lt;i&gt;A Hundred and Four Stories from the Old and New Testament,&lt;/i&gt; and I learned to read from it. I have it lying on my shelf now, I keep it as a precious relic of the past. But even before I learned to read, I remember first being moved to devotional feeling at eight years old. My mother took me alone to mass (I don't remember where my brother was at the time) on the Monday before Easter. It was a fine day, and I remember to-day, as though I saw it now, how the incense rose from the censer and softly floated upwards and, overhead in the cupola, mingled in rising waves with the sunlight that streamed in at the little window. I was stirred by the sight, and for the first time in my life I consciously received the seed of God's word in my heart. A youth came out into the middle of the church carrying a big book, so large that at the time I fancied he could scarcely carry it. He laid it on the reading desk, opened it, and began reading, and suddenly for the first time I understood something read in the church of God. In the land of Uz, there lived a man, righteous and God-fearing, and he had great wealth, so many camels, so many sheep and asses, and his children feasted, and he loved them very much and prayed for them. &#8220;It may be that my sons have sinned in their feasting.&#8221; Now the devil came before the Lord together with the sons of God, and said to the Lord that he had gone up and down the earth and under the earth. &#8220;And hast thou considered my servant Job?&#8221; God asked of him. And God boasted to the devil, pointing to his great and holy servant. And the devil laughed at God's words. &#8220;Give him over to me and Thou wilt see that Thy servant will murmur against Thee and curse Thy name.&#8221; And God gave up the just man He loved so, to the devil. And the devil smote his children and his cattle and scattered his wealth, all of a sudden like a thunderbolt from heaven. And Job rent his mantle and fell down upon the ground and cried aloud, &#8220;Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return into the earth; the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord for ever and ever.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fathers and teachers, forgive my tears now, for all my childhood rises up again before me, and I breathe now as I breathed then, with the breast of a little child of eight, and I feel as I did then, awe and wonder and gladness. The camels at that time caught my imagination, and Satan, who talked like that with God, and God who gave His servant up to destruction, and His servant crying out: &#8220;Blessed be Thy name although Thou dost punish me,&#8221; and then the soft and sweet singing in the church: &#8220;Let my prayer rise up before Thee,&#8221; and again incense from the priest's censer and the kneeling and the prayer. Ever since then&#8212;only yesterday I took it up&#8212;I've never been able to read that sacred tale without tears. And how much that is great, mysterious and unfathomable there is in it! Afterwards I heard the words of mockery and blame, proud words, &#8220;How could God give up the most loved of His saints for the diversion of the devil, take from him his children, smite him with sore boils so that he cleansed the corruption from his sores with a pot-sherd&#8212;and for no object except to boast to the devil! &#8216;See what My saint can suffer for My sake.' &#8221; But the greatness of it lies just in the fact that it is a mystery&#8212;that the passing earthly show and the eternal verity are brought together in it. In the face of the earthly truth, the eternal truth is accomplished. The Creator, just as on the first days of creation He ended each day with praise: &#8220;That is good that I have created,&#8221; looks upon Job and again praises His creation. And Job, praising the Lord, serves not only Him but all His creation for generations and generations, and for ever and ever, since for that he was ordained. Good heavens, what a book it is, and what lessons there are in it! What a book the Bible is, what a miracle, what strength is given with it to man! It is like a mold cast of the world and man and human nature, everything is there, and a law for everything for all the ages. And what mysteries are solved and revealed! God raises Job again, gives him wealth again. Many years pass by, and he has other children and loves them. But how could he love those new ones when those first children are no more, when he has lost them? Remembering them, how could he be fully happy with those new ones, however dear the new ones might be? But he could, he could. It's the great mystery of human life that old grief passes gradually into quiet, tender joy. The mild serenity of age takes the place of the riotous blood of youth. I bless the rising sun each day, and, as before, my hearts sings to meet it, but now I love even more its setting, its long slanting rays and the soft, tender, gentle memories that come with them, the dear images from the whole of my long, happy life&#8212;and over all the Divine Truth, softening, reconciling, forgiving! My life is ending, I know that well, but every day that is left me I feel how my earthly life is in touch with a new infinite, unknown, that approaching life, the nearness of which sets my soul quivering with rapture, my mind glowing and my heart weeping with joy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Friends and teachers, I have heard more than once, and of late one may hear it more often, that the priests, and above all the village priests, are complaining on all sides of their miserable income and their humiliating lot. They plainly state, even in print&#8212;I've read it myself&#8212;that they are unable to teach the Scriptures to the people because of the smallness of their means, and if Lutherans and heretics come and lead the flock astray, they let them lead them astray because they have so little to live upon. May the Lord increase the sustenance that is so precious to them, for their complaint is just, too. But of a truth I say, if anyone is to blame in the matter, half the fault is ours. For he may be short of time, he may say truly that he is overwhelmed all the while with work and services, but still it's not all the time, even he has an hour a week to remember God. And he does not work the whole year round. Let him gather round him once a week, some hour in the evening, if only the children at first&#8212;the fathers will hear of it and they too will begin to come. There's no need to build halls for this, let him take them into his own cottage. They won't spoil his cottage, they would only be there one hour. Let him open that book and begin reading it without grand words or superciliousness, without condescension to them, but gently and kindly, being glad that he is reading to them and that they are listening with attention, loving the words himself, only stopping from time to time to explain words that are not understood by the peasants. Don't be anxious, they will understand everything, the orthodox heart will understand all! Let him read them about Abraham and Sarah, about Isaac and Rebecca, of how Jacob went to Laban and wrestled with the Lord in his dream and said, &#8220;This place is holy&#8221;&#8212;and he will impress the devout mind of the peasant. Let him read, especially to the children, how the brothers sold Joseph, the tender boy, the dreamer and prophet, into bondage, and told their father that a wild beast had devoured him, and showed him his blood-stained clothes. Let him read them how the brothers afterwards journeyed into Egypt for corn, and Joseph, already a great ruler, unrecognized by them, tormented them, accused them, kept his brother Benjamin, and all through love: &#8220;I love you, and loving you I torment you.&#8221; For he remembered all his life how they had sold him to the merchants in the burning desert by the well, and how, wringing his hands, he had wept and besought his brothers not to sell him as a slave in a strange land. And how, seeing them again after many years, he loved them beyond measure, but he harassed and tormented them in love. He left them at last not able to bear the suffering of his heart, flung himself on his bed and wept. Then, wiping his tears away, he went out to them joyful and told them, &#8220;Brothers, I am your brother Joseph!&#8221; Let him read them further how happy old Jacob was on learning that his darling boy was still alive, and how he went to Egypt leaving his own country, and died in a foreign land, bequeathing his great prophecy that had lain mysteriously hidden in his meek and timid heart all his life, that from his offspring, from Judah, will come the great hope of the world, the Messiah and Saviour.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fathers and teachers, forgive me and don't be angry, that like a little child I've been babbling of what you know long ago, and can teach me a hundred times more skillfully. I only speak from rapture, and forgive my tears, for I love the Bible. Let him too weep, the priest of God, and be sure that the hearts of his listeners will throb in response. Only a little tiny seed is needed&#8212;drop it into the heart of the peasant and it won't die, it will live in his soul all his life, it will be hidden in the midst of his darkness and sin, like a bright spot, like a great reminder. And there's no need of much teaching or explanation, he will understand it all simply. Do you suppose that the peasants don't understand? Try reading them the touching story of the fair Esther and the haughty Vashti; or the miraculous story of Jonah in the whale. Don't forget either the parables of Our Lord, choose especially from the Gospel of St. Luke (that is what I did), and then from the Acts of the Apostles the conversion of St. Paul (that you mustn't leave out on any account), and from the &lt;i&gt;Lives of the Saints&lt;/i&gt;, for instance, the life of Alexey, the man of God and, greatest of all, the happy martyr and the seer of God, Mary of Egypt&#8212;and you will penetrate their hearts with these simple tales. Give one hour a week to it in spite of your poverty, only one little hour. And you will see for yourselves that our people is gracious and grateful, and will repay you a hundred-fold. Mindful of the kindness of their priest and the moving words they have heard from him, they will of their own accord help him in his fields and in his house, and will treat him with more respect than before&#8212;so that it will even increase his worldly well-being too. The thing is so simple that sometimes one is even afraid to put it into words, for fear of being laughed at, and yet how true it is! One who does not believe in God will not believe in God's people. He who believes in God's people will see His Holiness too, even though he had not believed in it till then. Only the people and their future spiritual power will convert our atheists, who have torn themselves away from their native soil.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And what is the use of Christ's words, unless we set an example? The people is lost without the Word of God, for its soul is athirst for the Word and for all that is good.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In my youth, long ago, nearly forty years ago, I traveled all over Russia with Father Anfim, collecting funds for our monastery, and we stayed one night on the bank of a great navigable river with some fishermen. A good-looking peasant lad, about eighteen, joined us; he had to hurry back next morning to pull a merchant's barge along the bank. I noticed him looking straight before him with clear and tender eyes. It was a bright, warm, still, July night, a cool mist rose from the broad river, we could hear the plash of a fish, the birds were still, all was hushed and beautiful, everything praying to God. Only we two were not sleeping, the lad and I, and we talked of the beauty of this world of God's and of the great mystery of it. Every blade of grass, every insect, ant, and golden bee, all so marvelously know their path, though they have not intelligence, they bear witness to the mystery of God and continually accomplish it themselves. I saw the dear lad's heart was moved. He told me that he loved the forest and the forest birds. He was a bird-catcher, knew the note of each of them, could call each bird. &#8220;I know nothing better than to be in the forest,&#8221; said he, &#8220;though all things are good.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Truly,&#8221; I answered him, &#8220;all things are good and fair, because all is truth. Look,&#8221; said I, &#8220;at the horse, that great beast that is so near to man; or the lowly, pensive ox, which feeds him and works for him; look at their faces, what meekness, what devotion to man, who often beats them mercilessly. What gentleness, what confidence and what beauty! It's touching to know that there's no sin in them, for all, all except man, is sinless, and Christ has been with them before us.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why,&#8221; asked the boy, &#8220;is Christ with them too?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It cannot but be so,&#8221; said I, &#8220;since the Word is for all. All creation and all creatures, every leaf is striving to the Word, singing glory to God, weeping to Christ, unconsciously accomplishing this by the mystery of their sinless life. Yonder,&#8221; said I, &#8220;in the forest wanders the dreadful bear, fierce and menacing, and yet innocent in it.&#8221; And I told him how once a bear came to a great saint who had taken refuge in a tiny cell in the wood. And the great saint pitied him, went up to him without fear and gave him a piece of bread. &#8220;Go along,&#8221; said he, &#8220;Christ be with you,&#8221; and the savage beast walked away meekly and obediently, doing no harm. And the lad was delighted that the bear had walked away without hurting the saint, and that Christ was with him too. &#8220;Ah,&#8221; said he, &#8220;how good that is, how good and beautiful is all God's work!&#8221; He sat musing softly and sweetly. I saw he understood. And he slept beside me a light and sinless sleep. May God bless youth! And I prayed for him as I went to sleep. Lord, send peace and light to Thy people!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II. THE DUEL&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;(c) Recollections of Father Zossima's Youth before he became a Monk. The Duel&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I spent a long time, almost eight years, in the military cadet school at Petersburg, and in the novelty of my surroundings there, many of my childish impressions grew dimmer, though I forgot nothing. I picked up so many new habits and opinions that I was transformed into a cruel, absurd, almost savage creature. A surface polish of courtesy and society manners I did acquire together with the French language.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But we all, myself included, looked upon the soldiers in our service as cattle. I was perhaps worse than the rest in that respect, for I was so much more impressionable than my companions. By the time we left the school as officers, we were ready to lay down our lives for the honor of the regiment, but no one of us had any knowledge of the real meaning of honor, and if anyone had known it, he would have been the first to ridicule it. Drunkenness, debauchery and devilry were what we almost prided ourselves on. I don't say that we were bad by nature, all these young men were good fellows, but they behaved badly, and I worst of all. What made it worse for me was that I had come into my own money, and so I flung myself into a life of pleasure, and plunged headlong into all the recklessness of youth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was fond of reading, yet strange to say, the Bible was the one book I never opened at that time, though I always carried it about with me, and I was never separated from it; in very truth I was keeping that book &#8220;for the day and the hour, for the month and the year,&#8221; though I knew it not.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After four years of this life, I chanced to be in the town of K. where our regiment was stationed at the time. We found the people of the town hospitable, rich and fond of entertainments. I met with a cordial reception everywhere, as I was of a lively temperament and was known to be well off, which always goes a long way in the world. And then a circumstance happened which was the beginning of it all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I formed an attachment to a beautiful and intelligent young girl of noble and lofty character, the daughter of people much respected. They were well-to-do people of influence and position. They always gave me a cordial and friendly reception. I fancied that the young lady looked on me with favor and my heart was aflame at such an idea. Later on I saw and fully realized that I perhaps was not so passionately in love with her at all, but only recognized the elevation of her mind and character, which I could not indeed have helped doing. I was prevented, however, from making her an offer at the time by my selfishness, I was loath to part with the allurements of my free and licentious bachelor life in the heyday of my youth, and with my pockets full of money. I did drop some hint as to my feelings however, though I put off taking any decisive step for a time. Then, all of a sudden, we were ordered off for two months to another district.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On my return two months later, I found the young lady already married to a rich neighboring landowner, a very amiable man, still young though older than I was, connected with the best Petersburg society, which I was not, and of excellent education, which I also was not. I was so overwhelmed at this unexpected circumstance that my mind was positively clouded. The worst of it all was that, as I learned then, the young landowner had been a long while betrothed to her, and I had met him indeed many times in her house, but blinded by my conceit I had noticed nothing. And this particularly mortified me; almost everybody had known all about it, while I knew nothing. I was filled with sudden irrepressible fury. With flushed face I began recalling how often I had been on the point of declaring my love to her, and as she had not attempted to stop me or to warn me, she must, I concluded, have been laughing at me all the time. Later on, of course, I reflected and remembered that she had been very far from laughing at me; on the contrary, she used to turn off any love-making on my part with a jest and begin talking of other subjects; but at that moment I was incapable of reflecting and was all eagerness for revenge. I am surprised to remember that my wrath and revengeful feelings were extremely repugnant to my own nature, for being of an easy temper, I found it difficult to be angry with anyone for long, and so I had to work myself up artificially and became at last revolting and absurd.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I waited for an opportunity and succeeded in insulting my &#8220;rival&#8221; in the presence of a large company. I insulted him on a perfectly extraneous pretext, jeering at his opinion upon an important public event&#8212;it was in the year 1826&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb23&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;in the year 1826 &#8211; probably the public event was the Decabrist plot against (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh23&#034;&gt;23&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;&#8212;and my jeer was, so people said, clever and effective. Then I forced him to ask for an explanation, and behaved so rudely that he accepted my challenge in spite of the vast inequality between us, as I was younger, a person of no consequence, and of inferior rank. I learned afterwards for a fact that it was from a jealous feeling on his side also that my challenge was accepted; he had been rather jealous of me on his wife's account before their marriage; he fancied now that if he submitted to be insulted by me and refused to accept my challenge, and if she heard of it, she might begin to despise him and waver in her love for him. I soon found a second in a comrade, an ensign of our regiment. In those days though duels were severely punished, yet dueling was a kind of fashion among the officers&#8212;so strong and deeply rooted will a brutal prejudice sometimes be.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was the end of June, and our meeting was to take place at seven o'clock the next day on the outskirts of the town&#8212;and then something happened that in very truth was the turning-point of my life. In the evening, returning home in a savage and brutal humor, I flew into a rage with my orderly Afanasy, and gave him two blows in the face with all my might, so that it was covered with blood. He had not long been in my service and I had struck him before, but never with such ferocious cruelty. And, believe me, though it's forty years ago, I recall it now with shame and pain. I went to bed and slept for about three hours; when I waked up the day was breaking. I got up&#8212;I did not want to sleep any more&#8212;I went to the window&#8212;opened it, it looked out upon the garden; I saw the sun rising; it was warm and beautiful, the birds were singing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's the meaning of it?&#8221; I thought. &#8220;I feel in my heart as it were something vile and shameful. Is it because I am going to shed blood? No,&#8221; I thought, &#8220;I feel it's not that. Can it be that I am afraid of death, afraid of being killed? No, that's not it, that's not it at all.&#8221;... And all at once I knew what it was: it was because I had beaten Afanasy the evening before! It all rose before my mind, it all was as it were repeated over again; he stood before me and I was beating him straight on the face and he was holding his arms stiffly down, his head erect, his eyes fixed upon me as though on parade. He staggered at every blow and did not even dare to raise his hands to protect himself. That is what a man has been brought to, and that was a man beating a fellow creature! What a crime! It was as though a sharp dagger had pierced me right through. I stood as if I were struck dumb, while the sun was shining, the leaves were rejoicing and the birds were trilling the praise of God.... I hid my face in my hands, fell on my bed and broke into a storm of tears. And then I remembered my brother Markel and what he said on his death-bed to his servants: &#8220;My dear ones, why do you wait on me, why do you love me, am I worth your waiting on me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, am I worth it?&#8221; flashed through my mind. &#8220;After all what am I worth, that another man, a fellow creature, made in the likeness and image of God, should serve me?&#8221; For the first time in my life this question forced itself upon me. He had said, &#8220;Mother, my little heart, in truth we are each responsible to all for all, it's only that men don't know this. If they knew it, the world would be a paradise at once.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God, can that too be false?&#8221; I thought as I wept. &#8220;In truth, perhaps, I am more than all others responsible for all, a greater sinner than all men in the world.&#8221; And all at once the whole truth in its full light appeared to me; what was I going to do? I was going to kill a good, clever, noble man, who had done me no wrong, and by depriving his wife of happiness for the rest of her life, I should be torturing and killing her too. I lay thus in my bed with my face in the pillow, heedless how the time was passing. Suddenly my second, the ensign, came in with the pistols to fetch me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah,&#8221; said he, &#8220;it's a good thing you are up already, it's time we were off, come along!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I did not know what to do and hurried to and fro undecided; we went out to the carriage, however.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wait here a minute,&#8221; I said to him. &#8220;I'll be back directly, I have forgotten my purse.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And I ran back alone, to Afanasy's little room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Afanasy,&#8221; I said, &#8220;I gave you two blows on the face yesterday, forgive me,&#8221; I said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He started as though he were frightened, and looked at me; and I saw that it was not enough, and on the spot, in my full officer's uniform, I dropped at his feet and bowed my head to the ground.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive me,&#8221; I said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then he was completely aghast.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your honor ... sir, what are you doing? Am I worth it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he burst out crying as I had done before, hid this face in his hands, turned to the window and shook all over with his sobs. I flew out to my comrade and jumped into the carriage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ready,&#8221; I cried. &#8220;Have you ever seen a conqueror?&#8221; I asked him. &#8220;Here is one before you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I was in ecstasy, laughing and talking all the way, I don't remember what about.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He looked at me. &#8220;Well, brother, you are a plucky fellow, you'll keep up the honor of the uniform, I can see.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So we reached the place and found them there, waiting us. We were placed twelve paces apart; he had the first shot. I stood gayly, looking him full in the face; I did not twitch an eyelash, I looked lovingly at him, for I knew what I would do. His shot just grazed my cheek and ear.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank God,&#8221; I cried, &#8220;no man has been killed,&#8221; and I seized my pistol, turned back and flung it far away into the wood. &#8220;That's the place for you,&#8221; I cried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I turned to my adversary.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive me, young fool that I am, sir,&#8221; I said, &#8220;for my unprovoked insult to you and for forcing you to fire at me. I am ten times worse than you and more, maybe. Tell that to the person whom you hold dearest in the world.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had no sooner said this than they all three shouted at me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Upon my word,&#8221; cried my adversary, annoyed, &#8220;if you did not want to fight, why did not you let me alone?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yesterday I was a fool, to-day I know better,&#8221; I answered him gayly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As to yesterday, I believe you, but as for to-day, it is difficult to agree with your opinion,&#8221; said he.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bravo,&#8221; I cried, clapping my hands. &#8220;I agree with you there too. I have deserved it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Will you shoot, sir, or not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I won't,&#8221; I said; &#8220;if you like, fire at me again, but it would be better for you not to fire.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The seconds, especially mine, were shouting too: &#8220;Can you disgrace the regiment like this, facing your antagonist and begging his forgiveness! If I'd only known this!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I stood facing them all, not laughing now.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen,&#8221; I said, &#8220;is it really so wonderful in these days to find a man who can repent of his stupidity and publicly confess his wrongdoing?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But not in a duel,&#8221; cried my second again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's what's so strange,&#8221; I said. &#8220;For I ought to have owned my fault as soon as I got here, before he had fired a shot, before leading him into a great and deadly sin; but we have made our life so grotesque, that to act in that way would have been almost impossible, for only after I have faced his shot at the distance of twelve paces could my words have any significance for him, and if I had spoken before, he would have said, &#8216;He is a coward, the sight of the pistols has frightened him, no use to listen to him.' Gentlemen,&#8221; I cried suddenly, speaking straight from my heart, &#8220;look around you at the gifts of God, the clear sky, the pure air, the tender grass, the birds; nature is beautiful and sinless, and we, only we, are sinful and foolish, and we don't understand that life is heaven, for we have only to understand that and it will at once be fulfilled in all its beauty, we shall embrace each other and weep.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I would have said more but I could not; my voice broke with the sweetness and youthful gladness of it, and there was such bliss in my heart as I had never known before in my life.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All this as rational and edifying,&#8221; said my antagonist, &#8220;and in any case you are an original person.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You may laugh,&#8221; I said to him, laughing too, &#8220;but afterwards you will approve of me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I am ready to approve of you now,&#8221; said he; &#8220;will you shake hands? for I believe you are genuinely sincere.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; I said, &#8220;not now, later on when I have grown worthier and deserve your esteem, then shake hands and you will do well.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We went home, my second upbraiding me all the way, while I kissed him. All my comrades heard of the affair at once and gathered together to pass judgment on me the same day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He has disgraced the uniform,&#8221; they said; &#8220;let him resign his commission.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Some stood up for me: &#8220;He faced the shot,&#8221; they said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but he was afraid of his other shot and begged for forgiveness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If he had been afraid of being shot, he would have shot his own pistol first before asking forgiveness, while he flung it loaded into the forest. No, there's something else in this, something original.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I enjoyed listening and looking at them. &#8220;My dear friends and comrades,&#8221; said I, &#8220;don't worry about my resigning my commission, for I have done so already. I have sent in my papers this morning and as soon as I get my discharge I shall go into a monastery&#8212;it's with that object I am leaving the regiment.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When I had said this every one of them burst out laughing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You should have told us of that first, that explains everything, we can't judge a monk.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They laughed and could not stop themselves, and not scornfully, but kindly and merrily. They all felt friendly to me at once, even those who had been sternest in their censure, and all the following month, before my discharge came, they could not make enough of me. &#8220;Ah, you monk,&#8221; they would say. And every one said something kind to me, they began trying to dissuade me, even to pity me: &#8220;What are you doing to yourself?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; they would say, &#8220;he is a brave fellow, he faced fire and could have fired his own pistol too, but he had a dream the night before that he should become a monk, that's why he did it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was the same thing with the society of the town. Till then I had been kindly received, but had not been the object of special attention, and now all came to know me at once and invited me; they laughed at me, but they loved me. I may mention that although everybody talked openly of our duel, the authorities took no notice of it, because my antagonist was a near relation of our general, and as there had been no bloodshed and no serious consequences, and as I resigned my commission, they took it as a joke. And I began then to speak aloud and fearlessly, regardless of their laughter, for it was always kindly and not spiteful laughter. These conversations mostly took place in the evenings, in the company of ladies; women particularly liked listening to me then and they made the men listen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But how can I possibly be responsible for all?&#8221; every one would laugh in my face. &#8220;Can I, for instance, be responsible for you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You may well not know it,&#8221; I would answer, &#8220;since the whole world has long been going on a different line, since we consider the veriest lies as truth and demand the same lies from others. Here I have for once in my life acted sincerely and, well, you all look upon me as a madman. Though you are friendly to me, yet, you see, you all laugh at me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But how can we help being friendly to you?&#8221; said my hostess, laughing. The room was full of people. All of a sudden the young lady rose, on whose account the duel had been fought and whom only lately I had intended to be my future wife. I had not noticed her coming into the room. She got up, came to me and held out her hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let me tell you,&#8221; she said, &#8220;that I am the first not to laugh at you, but on the contrary I thank you with tears and express my respect for you for your action then.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her husband, too, came up and then they all approached me and almost kissed me. My heart was filled with joy, but my attention was especially caught by a middle-aged man who came up to me with the others. I knew him by name already, but had never made his acquaintance nor exchanged a word with him till that evening.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;(d) The Mysterious Visitor&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;He had long been an official in the town; he was in a prominent position, respected by all, rich and had a reputation for benevolence. He subscribed considerable sums to the almshouse and the orphan asylum; he was very charitable, too, in secret, a fact which only became known after his death. He was a man of about fifty, almost stern in appearance and not much given to conversation. He had been married about ten years and his wife, who was still young, had borne him three children. Well, I was sitting alone in my room the following evening, when my door suddenly opened and this gentleman walked in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I must mention, by the way, that I was no longer living in my former quarters. As soon as I resigned my commission, I took rooms with an old lady, the widow of a government clerk. My landlady's servant waited upon me, for I had moved into her rooms simply because on my return from the duel I had sent Afanasy back to the regiment, as I felt ashamed to look him in the face after my last interview with him. So prone is the man of the world to be ashamed of any righteous action.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have,&#8221; said my visitor, &#8220;with great interest listened to you speaking in different houses the last few days and I wanted at last to make your personal acquaintance, so as to talk to you more intimately. Can you, dear sir, grant me this favor?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can, with the greatest pleasure, and I shall look upon it as an honor.&#8221; I said this, though I felt almost dismayed, so greatly was I impressed from the first moment by the appearance of this man. For though other people had listened to me with interest and attention, no one had come to me before with such a serious, stern and concentrated expression. And now he had come to see me in my own rooms. He sat down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are, I see, a man of great strength of character,&#8221; he said; &#8220;as you have dared to serve the truth, even when by doing so you risked incurring the contempt of all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your praise is, perhaps, excessive,&#8221; I replied.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it's not excessive,&#8221; he answered; &#8220;believe me, such a course of action is far more difficult than you think. It is that which has impressed me, and it is only on that account that I have come to you,&#8221; he continued. &#8220;Tell me, please, that is if you are not annoyed by my perhaps unseemly curiosity, what were your exact sensations, if you can recall them, at the moment when you made up your mind to ask forgiveness at the duel. Do not think my question frivolous; on the contrary, I have in asking the question a secret motive of my own, which I will perhaps explain to you later on, if it is God's will that we should become more intimately acquainted.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All the while he was speaking, I was looking at him straight into the face and I felt all at once a complete trust in him and great curiosity on my side also, for I felt that there was some strange secret in his soul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You ask what were my exact sensations at the moment when I asked my opponent's forgiveness,&#8221; I answered; &#8220;but I had better tell you from the beginning what I have not yet told anyone else.&#8221; And I described all that had passed between Afanasy and me, and how I had bowed down to the ground at his feet. &#8220;From that you can see for yourself,&#8221; I concluded, &#8220;that at the time of the duel it was easier for me, for I had made a beginning already at home, and when once I had started on that road, to go farther along it was far from being difficult, but became a source of joy and happiness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I liked the way he looked at me as he listened. &#8220;All that,&#8221; he said, &#8220;is exceedingly interesting. I will come to see you again and again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And from that time forth he came to see me nearly every evening. And we should have become greater friends, if only he had ever talked of himself. But about himself he scarcely ever said a word, yet continually asked me about myself. In spite of that I became very fond of him and spoke with perfect frankness to him about all my feelings; &#8220;for,&#8221; thought I, &#8220;what need have I to know his secrets, since I can see without that that he is a good man? Moreover, though he is such a serious man and my senior, he comes to see a youngster like me and treats me as his equal.&#8221; And I learned a great deal that was profitable from him, for he was a man of lofty mind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That life is heaven,&#8221; he said to me suddenly, &#8220;that I have long been thinking about&#8221;; and all at once he added, &#8220;I think of nothing else indeed.&#8221; He looked at me and smiled. &#8220;I am more convinced of it than you are, I will tell you later why.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I listened to him and thought that he evidently wanted to tell me something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Heaven,&#8221; he went on, &#8220;lies hidden within all of us&#8212;here it lies hidden in me now, and if I will it, it will be revealed to me to-morrow and for all time.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I looked at him; he was speaking with great emotion and gazing mysteriously at me, as if he were questioning me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And that we are all responsible to all for all, apart from our own sins, you were quite right in thinking that, and it is wonderful how you could comprehend it in all its significance at once. And in very truth, so soon as men understand that, the Kingdom of Heaven will be for them not a dream, but a living reality.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And when,&#8221; I cried out to him bitterly, &#8220;when will that come to pass? and will it ever come to pass? Is not it simply a dream of ours?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What then, you don't believe it,&#8221; he said. &#8220;You preach it and don't believe it yourself. Believe me, this dream, as you call it, will come to pass without doubt; it will come, but not now, for every process has its law. It's a spiritual, psychological process. To transform the world, to recreate it afresh, men must turn into another path psychologically. Until you have become really, in actual fact, a brother to every one, brotherhood will not come to pass. No sort of scientific teaching, no kind of common interest, will ever teach men to share property and privileges with equal consideration for all. Every one will think his share too small and they will be always envying, complaining and attacking one another. You ask when it will come to pass; it will come to pass, but first we have to go through the period of isolation.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean by isolation?&#8221; I asked him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, the isolation that prevails everywhere, above all in our age&#8212;it has not fully developed, it has not reached its limit yet. For every one strives to keep his individuality as apart as possible, wishes to secure the greatest possible fullness of life for himself; but meantime all his efforts result not in attaining fullness of life but self-destruction, for instead of self-realization he ends by arriving at complete solitude. All mankind in our age have split up into units, they all keep apart, each in his own groove; each one holds aloof, hides himself and hides what he has, from the rest, and he ends by being repelled by others and repelling them. He heaps up riches by himself and thinks, &#8216;How strong I am now and how secure,' and in his madness he does not understand that the more he heaps up, the more he sinks into self-destructive impotence. For he is accustomed to rely upon himself alone and to cut himself off from the whole; he has trained himself not to believe in the help of others, in men and in humanity, and only trembles for fear he should lose his money and the privileges that he has won for himself. Everywhere in these days men have, in their mockery, ceased to understand that the true security is to be found in social solidarity rather than in isolated individual effort. But this terrible individualism must inevitably have an end, and all will suddenly understand how unnaturally they are separated from one another. It will be the spirit of the time, and people will marvel that they have sat so long in darkness without seeing the light. And then the sign of the Son of Man will be seen in the heavens.... But, until then, we must keep the banner flying. Sometimes even if he has to do it alone, and his conduct seems to be crazy, a man must set an example, and so draw men's souls out of their solitude, and spur them to some act of brotherly love, that the great idea may not die.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Our evenings, one after another, were spent in such stirring and fervent talk. I gave up society and visited my neighbors much less frequently. Besides, my vogue was somewhat over. I say this, not as blame, for they still loved me and treated me good-humoredly, but there's no denying that fashion is a great power in society. I began to regard my mysterious visitor with admiration, for besides enjoying his intelligence, I began to perceive that he was brooding over some plan in his heart, and was preparing himself perhaps for a great deed. Perhaps he liked my not showing curiosity about his secret, not seeking to discover it by direct question nor by insinuation. But I noticed at last, that he seemed to show signs of wanting to tell me something. This had become quite evident, indeed, about a month after he first began to visit me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know,&#8221; he said to me once, &#8220;that people are very inquisitive about us in the town and wonder why I come to see you so often. But let them wonder, for &lt;i&gt;soon all will be explained&lt;/i&gt;.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sometimes an extraordinary agitation would come over him, and almost always on such occasions he would get up and go away. Sometimes he would fix a long piercing look upon me, and I thought, &#8220;He will say something directly now.&#8221; But he would suddenly begin talking of something ordinary and familiar. He often complained of headache too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
One day, quite unexpectedly indeed, after he had been talking with great fervor a long time, I saw him suddenly turn pale, and his face worked convulsively, while he stared persistently at me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's the matter?&#8221; I said; &#8220;do you feel ill?&#8221;&#8212;he had just been complaining of headache.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I ... do you know ... I murdered someone.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He said this and smiled with a face as white as chalk. &#8220;Why is it he is smiling?&#8221; The thought flashed through my mind before I realized anything else. I too turned pale.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you saying?&#8221; I cried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see,&#8221; he said, with a pale smile, &#8220;how much it has cost me to say the first word. Now I have said it, I feel I've taken the first step and shall go on.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For a long while I could not believe him, and I did not believe him at that time, but only after he had been to see me three days running and told me all about it. I thought he was mad, but ended by being convinced, to my great grief and amazement. His crime was a great and terrible one.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fourteen years before, he had murdered the widow of a landowner, a wealthy and handsome young woman who had a house in our town. He fell passionately in love with her, declared his feeling and tried to persuade her to marry him. But she had already given her heart to another man, an officer of noble birth and high rank in the service, who was at that time away at the front, though she was expecting him soon to return. She refused his offer and begged him not to come and see her. After he had ceased to visit her, he took advantage of his knowledge of the house to enter at night through the garden by the roof, at great risk of discovery. But, as often happens, a crime committed with extraordinary audacity is more successful than others.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Entering the garret through the skylight, he went down the ladder, knowing that the door at the bottom of it was sometimes, through the negligence of the servants, left unlocked. He hoped to find it so, and so it was. He made his way in the dark to her bedroom, where a light was burning. As though on purpose, both her maids had gone off to a birthday-party in the same street, without asking leave. The other servants slept in the servants' quarters or in the kitchen on the ground-floor. His passion flamed up at the sight of her asleep, and then vindictive, jealous anger took possession of his heart, and like a drunken man, beside himself, he thrust a knife into her heart, so that she did not even cry out. Then with devilish and criminal cunning he contrived that suspicion should fall on the servants. He was so base as to take her purse, to open her chest with keys from under her pillow, and to take some things from it, doing it all as it might have been done by an ignorant servant, leaving valuable papers and taking only money. He took some of the larger gold things, but left smaller articles that were ten times as valuable. He took with him, too, some things for himself as remembrances, but of that later. Having done this awful deed, he returned by the way he had come.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Neither the next day, when the alarm was raised, nor at any time after in his life, did anyone dream of suspecting that he was the criminal. No one indeed knew of his love for her, for he was always reserved and silent and had no friend to whom he would have opened his heart. He was looked upon simply as an acquaintance, and not a very intimate one, of the murdered woman, as for the previous fortnight he had not even visited her. A serf of hers called Pyotr was at once suspected, and every circumstance confirmed the suspicion. The man knew&#8212;indeed his mistress did not conceal the fact&#8212;that having to send one of her serfs as a recruit she had decided to send him, as he had no relations and his conduct was unsatisfactory. People had heard him angrily threatening to murder her when he was drunk in a tavern. Two days before her death, he had run away, staying no one knew where in the town. The day after the murder, he was found on the road leading out of the town, dead drunk, with a knife in his pocket, and his right hand happened to be stained with blood. He declared that his nose had been bleeding, but no one believed him. The maids confessed that they had gone to a party and that the street-door had been left open till they returned. And a number of similar details came to light, throwing suspicion on the innocent servant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They arrested him, and he was tried for the murder; but a week after the arrest, the prisoner fell sick of a fever and died unconscious in the hospital. There the matter ended and the judges and the authorities and every one in the town remained convinced that the crime had been committed by no one but the servant who had died in the hospital. And after that the punishment began.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My mysterious visitor, now my friend, told me that at first he was not in the least troubled by pangs of conscience. He was miserable a long time, but not for that reason; only from regret that he had killed the woman he loved, that she was no more, that in killing her he had killed his love, while the fire of passion was still in his veins. But of the innocent blood he had shed, of the murder of a fellow creature, he scarcely thought. The thought that his victim might have become the wife of another man was insupportable to him, and so, for a long time, he was convinced in his conscience that he could not have acted otherwise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At first he was worried at the arrest of the servant, but his illness and death soon set his mind at rest, for the man's death was apparently (so he reflected at the time) not owing to his arrest or his fright, but a chill he had taken on the day he ran away, when he had lain all night dead drunk on the damp ground. The theft of the money and other things troubled him little, for he argued that the theft had not been committed for gain but to avert suspicion. The sum stolen was small, and he shortly afterwards subscribed the whole of it, and much more, towards the funds for maintaining an almshouse in the town. He did this on purpose to set his conscience at rest about the theft, and it's a remarkable fact that for a long time he really was at peace&#8212;he told me this himself. He entered then upon a career of great activity in the service, volunteered for a difficult and laborious duty, which occupied him two years, and being a man of strong will almost forgot the past. Whenever he recalled it, he tried not to think of it at all. He became active in philanthropy too, founded and helped to maintain many institutions in the town, did a good deal in the two capitals, and in both Moscow and Petersburg was elected a member of philanthropic societies.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last, however, he began brooding over the past, and the strain of it was too much for him. Then he was attracted by a fine and intelligent girl and soon after married her, hoping that marriage would dispel his lonely depression, and that by entering on a new life and scrupulously doing his duty to his wife and children, he would escape from old memories altogether. But the very opposite of what he expected happened. He began, even in the first month of his marriage, to be continually fretted by the thought, &#8220;My wife loves me&#8212;but what if she knew?&#8221; When she first told him that she would soon bear him a child, he was troubled. &#8220;I am giving life, but I have taken life.&#8221; Children came. &#8220;How dare I love them, teach and educate them, how can I talk to them of virtue? I have shed blood.&#8221; They were splendid children, he longed to caress them; &#8220;and I can't look at their innocent candid faces, I am unworthy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last he began to be bitterly and ominously haunted by the blood of his murdered victim, by the young life he had destroyed, by the blood that cried out for vengeance. He had begun to have awful dreams. But, being a man of fortitude, he bore his suffering a long time, thinking: &#8220;I shall expiate everything by this secret agony.&#8221; But that hope, too, was vain; the longer it went on, the more intense was his suffering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was respected in society for his active benevolence, though every one was overawed by his stern and gloomy character. But the more he was respected, the more intolerable it was for him. He confessed to me that he had thoughts of killing himself. But he began to be haunted by another idea&#8212;an idea which he had at first regarded as impossible and unthinkable, though at last it got such a hold on his heart that he could not shake it off. He dreamed of rising up, going out and confessing in the face of all men that he had committed murder. For three years this dream had pursued him, haunting him in different forms. At last he believed with his whole heart that if he confessed his crime, he would heal his soul and would be at peace for ever. But this belief filled his heart with terror, for how could he carry it out? And then came what happened at my duel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Looking at you, I have made up my mind.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I looked at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is it possible,&#8221; I cried, clasping my hands, &#8220;that such a trivial incident could give rise to such a resolution in you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My resolution has been growing for the last three years,&#8221; he answered, &#8220;and your story only gave the last touch to it. Looking at you, I reproached myself and envied you.&#8221; He said this to me almost sullenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you won't be believed,&#8221; I observed; &#8220;it's fourteen years ago.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have proofs, great proofs. I shall show them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then I cried and kissed him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me one thing, one thing,&#8221; he said (as though it all depended upon me), &#8220;my wife, my children! My wife may die of grief, and though my children won't lose their rank and property, they'll be a convict's children and for ever! And what a memory, what a memory of me I shall leave in their hearts!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I said nothing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And to part from them, to leave them for ever? It's for ever, you know, for ever!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sat still and repeated a silent prayer. I got up at last, I felt afraid.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well?&#8221; He looked at me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go!&#8221; said I, &#8220;confess. Everything passes, only the truth remains. Your children will understand, when they grow up, the nobility of your resolution.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He left me that time as though he had made up his mind. Yet for more than a fortnight afterwards, he came to me every evening, still preparing himself, still unable to bring himself to the point. He made my heart ache. One day he would come determined and say fervently:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know it will be heaven for me, heaven, the moment I confess. Fourteen years I've been in hell. I want to suffer. I will take my punishment and begin to live. You can pass through the world doing wrong, but there's no turning back. Now I dare not love my neighbor nor even my own children. Good God, my children will understand, perhaps, what my punishment has cost me and will not condemn me! God is not in strength but in truth.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All will understand your sacrifice,&#8221; I said to him, &#8220;if not at once, they will understand later; for you have served truth, the higher truth, not of the earth.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he would go away seeming comforted, but next day he would come again, bitter, pale, sarcastic.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Every time I come to you, you look at me so inquisitively as though to say, &#8216;He has still not confessed!' Wait a bit, don't despise me too much. It's not such an easy thing to do, as you would think. Perhaps I shall not do it at all. You won't go and inform against me then, will you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And far from looking at him with indiscreet curiosity, I was afraid to look at him at all. I was quite ill from anxiety, and my heart was full of tears. I could not sleep at night.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have just come from my wife,&#8221; he went on. &#8220;Do you understand what the word &#8216;wife' means? When I went out, the children called to me, &#8216;Good-by, father, make haste back to read &lt;i&gt;The Children's Magazine&lt;/i&gt; with us.' No, you don't understand that! No one is wise from another man's woe.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His eyes were glittering, his lips were twitching. Suddenly he struck the table with his fist so that everything on it danced&#8212;it was the first time he had done such a thing, he was such a mild man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But need I?&#8221; he exclaimed, &#8220;must I? No one has been condemned, no one has been sent to Siberia in my place, the man died of fever. And I've been punished by my sufferings for the blood I shed. And I shan't be believed, they won't believe my proofs. Need I confess, need I? I am ready to go on suffering all my life for the blood I have shed, if only my wife and children may be spared. Will it be just to ruin them with me? Aren't we making a mistake? What is right in this case? And will people recognize it, will they appreciate it, will they respect it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good Lord!&#8221; I thought to myself, &#8220;he is thinking of other people's respect at such a moment!&#8221; And I felt so sorry for him then, that I believe I would have shared his fate if it could have comforted him. I saw he was beside himself. I was aghast, realizing with my heart as well as my mind what such a resolution meant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Decide my fate!&#8221; he exclaimed again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go and confess,&#8221; I whispered to him. My voice failed me, but I whispered it firmly. I took up the New Testament from the table, the Russian translation, and showed him the Gospel of St. John, chapter xii. verse 24:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Verily, verily, I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I had just been reading that verse when he came in. He read it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's true,&#8221; he said, but he smiled bitterly. &#8220;It's terrible the things you find in those books,&#8221; he said, after a pause. &#8220;It's easy enough to thrust them upon one. And who wrote them? Can they have been written by men?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The Holy Spirit wrote them,&#8221; said I.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's easy for you to prate,&#8221; he smiled again, this time almost with hatred.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I took the book again, opened it in another place and showed him the Epistle to the Hebrews, chapter x. verse 31. He read:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He read it and simply flung down the book. He was trembling all over.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;An awful text,&#8221; he said. &#8220;There's no denying you've picked out fitting ones.&#8221; He rose from the chair. &#8220;Well!&#8221; he said, &#8220;good-by, perhaps I shan't come again ... we shall meet in heaven. So I have been for fourteen years &#8216;in the hands of the living God,' that's how one must think of those fourteen years. To-morrow I will beseech those hands to let me go.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I wanted to take him in my arms and kiss him, but I did not dare&#8212;his face was contorted and somber. He went away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good God,&#8221; I thought, &#8220;what has he gone to face!&#8221; I fell on my knees before the ikon and wept for him before the Holy Mother of God, our swift defender and helper. I was half an hour praying in tears, and it was late, about midnight. Suddenly I saw the door open and he came in again. I was surprised.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where have you been?&#8221; I asked him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think,&#8221; he said, &#8220;I've forgotten something ... my handkerchief, I think.... Well, even if I've not forgotten anything, let me stay a little.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sat down. I stood over him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You sit down, too,&#8221; said he.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I sat down. We sat still for two minutes; he looked intently at me and suddenly smiled&#8212;I remembered that&#8212;then he got up, embraced me warmly and kissed me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Remember,&#8221; he said, &#8220;how I came to you a second time. Do you hear, remember it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he went out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To-morrow,&#8221; I thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And so it was. I did not know that evening that the next day was his birthday. I had not been out for the last few days, so I had no chance of hearing it from any one. On that day he always had a great gathering, every one in the town went to it. It was the same this time. After dinner he walked into the middle of the room, with a paper in his hand&#8212;a formal declaration to the chief of his department who was present. This declaration he read aloud to the whole assembly. It contained a full account of the crime, in every detail.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I cut myself off from men as a monster. God has visited me,&#8221; he said in conclusion. &#8220;I want to suffer for my sin!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then he brought out and laid on the table all the things he had been keeping for fourteen years, that he thought would prove his crime, the jewels belonging to the murdered woman which he had stolen to divert suspicion, a cross and a locket taken from her neck with a portrait of her betrothed in the locket, her notebook and two letters; one from her betrothed, telling her that he would soon be with her, and her unfinished answer left on the table to be sent off next day. He carried off these two letters&#8212;what for? Why had he kept them for fourteen years afterwards instead of destroying them as evidence against him?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And this is what happened: every one was amazed and horrified, every one refused to believe it and thought that he was deranged, though all listened with intense curiosity. A few days later it was fully decided and agreed in every house that the unhappy man was mad. The legal authorities could not refuse to take the case up, but they too dropped it. Though the trinkets and letters made them ponder, they decided that even if they did turn out to be authentic, no charge could be based on those alone. Besides, she might have given him those things as a friend, or asked him to take care of them for her. I heard afterwards, however, that the genuineness of the things was proved by the friends and relations of the murdered woman, and that there was no doubt about them. Yet nothing was destined to come of it, after all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Five days later, all had heard that he was ill and that his life was in danger. The nature of his illness I can't explain, they said it was an affection of the heart. But it became known that the doctors had been induced by his wife to investigate his mental condition also, and had come to the conclusion that it was a case of insanity. I betrayed nothing, though people ran to question me. But when I wanted to visit him, I was for a long while forbidden to do so, above all by his wife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's you who have caused his illness,&#8221; she said to me; &#8220;he was always gloomy, but for the last year people noticed that he was peculiarly excited and did strange things, and now you have been the ruin of him. Your preaching has brought him to this; for the last month he was always with you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Indeed, not only his wife but the whole town were down upon me and blamed me. &#8220;It's all your doing,&#8221; they said. I was silent and indeed rejoiced at heart, for I saw plainly God's mercy to the man who had turned against himself and punished himself. I could not believe in his insanity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They let me see him at last, he insisted upon saying good-by to me. I went in to him and saw at once, that not only his days, but his hours were numbered. He was weak, yellow, his hands trembled, he gasped for breath, but his face was full of tender and happy feeling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is done!&#8221; he said. &#8220;I've long been yearning to see you, why didn't you come?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I did not tell him that they would not let me see him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God has had pity on me and is calling me to Himself. I know I am dying, but I feel joy and peace for the first time after so many years. There was heaven in my heart from the moment I had done what I had to do. Now I dare to love my children and to kiss them. Neither my wife nor the judges, nor anyone has believed it. My children will never believe it either. I see in that God's mercy to them. I shall die, and my name will be without a stain for them. And now I feel God near, my heart rejoices as in Heaven ... I have done my duty.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He could not speak, he gasped for breath, he pressed my hand warmly, looking fervently at me. We did not talk for long, his wife kept peeping in at us. But he had time to whisper to me:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you remember how I came back to you that second time, at midnight? I told you to remember it. You know what I came back for? I came to kill you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I started.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I went out from you then into the darkness, I wandered about the streets, struggling with myself. And suddenly I hated you so that I could hardly bear it. Now, I thought, he is all that binds me, and he is my judge. I can't refuse to face my punishment to-morrow, for he knows all. It was not that I was afraid you would betray me (I never even thought of that), but I thought, &#8216;How can I look him in the face if I don't confess?' And if you had been at the other end of the earth, but alive, it would have been all the same, the thought was unendurable that you were alive knowing everything and condemning me. I hated you as though you were the cause, as though you were to blame for everything. I came back to you then, remembering that you had a dagger lying on your table. I sat down and asked you to sit down, and for a whole minute I pondered. If I had killed you, I should have been ruined by that murder even if I had not confessed the other. But I didn't think about that at all, and I didn't want to think of it at that moment. I only hated you and longed to revenge myself on you for everything. The Lord vanquished the devil in my heart. But let me tell you, you were never nearer death.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A week later he died. The whole town followed him to the grave. The chief priest made a speech full of feeling. All lamented the terrible illness that had cut short his days. But all the town was up in arms against me after the funeral, and people even refused to see me. Some, at first a few and afterwards more, began indeed to believe in the truth of his story, and they visited me and questioned me with great interest and eagerness, for man loves to see the downfall and disgrace of the righteous. But I held my tongue, and very shortly after, I left the town, and five months later by God's grace I entered upon the safe and blessed path, praising the unseen finger which had guided me so clearly to it. But I remember in my prayer to this day, the servant of God, Mihail, who suffered so greatly.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III. CONVERSATIONS AND EXHORTATIONS OF FATHER ZOSSIMA&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;(e) The Russian Monk and his possible Significance&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Fathers and teachers, what is the monk? In the cultivated world the word is nowadays pronounced by some people with a jeer, and by others it is used as a term of abuse, and this contempt for the monk is growing. It is true, alas, it is true, that there are many sluggards, gluttons, profligates and insolent beggars among monks. Educated people point to these: &#8220;You are idlers, useless members of society, you live on the labor of others, you are shameless beggars.&#8221; And yet how many meek and humble monks there are, yearning for solitude and fervent prayer in peace! These are less noticed, or passed over in silence. And how surprised men would be if I were to say that from these meek monks, who yearn for solitary prayer, the salvation of Russia will come perhaps once more! For they are in truth made ready in peace and quiet &#8220;for the day and the hour, the month and the year.&#8221; Meanwhile, in their solitude, they keep the image of Christ fair and undefiled, in the purity of God's truth, from the times of the Fathers of old, the Apostles and the martyrs. And when the time comes they will show it to the tottering creeds of the world. That is a great thought. That star will rise out of the East.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That is my view of the monk, and is it false? is it too proud? Look at the worldly and all who set themselves up above the people of God, has not God's image and His truth been distorted in them? They have science; but in science there is nothing but what is the object of sense. The spiritual world, the higher part of man's being is rejected altogether, dismissed with a sort of triumph, even with hatred. The world has proclaimed the reign of freedom, especially of late, but what do we see in this freedom of theirs? Nothing but slavery and self-destruction! For the world says:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have desires and so satisfy them, for you have the same rights as the most rich and powerful. Don't be afraid of satisfying them and even multiply your desires.&#8221; That is the modern doctrine of the world. In that they see freedom. And what follows from this right of multiplication of desires? In the rich, isolation and spiritual suicide; in the poor, envy and murder; for they have been given rights, but have not been shown the means of satisfying their wants. They maintain that the world is getting more and more united, more and more bound together in brotherly community, as it overcomes distance and sets thoughts flying through the air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alas, put no faith in such a bond of union. Interpreting freedom as the multiplication and rapid satisfaction of desires, men distort their own nature, for many senseless and foolish desires and habits and ridiculous fancies are fostered in them. They live only for mutual envy, for luxury and ostentation. To have dinners, visits, carriages, rank and slaves to wait on one is looked upon as a necessity, for which life, honor and human feeling are sacrificed, and men even commit suicide if they are unable to satisfy it. We see the same thing among those who are not rich, while the poor drown their unsatisfied need and their envy in drunkenness. But soon they will drink blood instead of wine, they are being led on to it. I ask you is such a man free? I knew one &#8220;champion of freedom&#8221; who told me himself that, when he was deprived of tobacco in prison, he was so wretched at the privation that he almost went and betrayed his cause for the sake of getting tobacco again! And such a man says, &#8220;I am fighting for the cause of humanity.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
How can such a one fight? what is he fit for? He is capable perhaps of some action quickly over, but he cannot hold out long. And it's no wonder that instead of gaining freedom they have sunk into slavery, and instead of serving the cause of brotherly love and the union of humanity have fallen, on the contrary, into dissension and isolation, as my mysterious visitor and teacher said to me in my youth. And therefore the idea of the service of humanity, of brotherly love and the solidarity of mankind, is more and more dying out in the world, and indeed this idea is sometimes treated with derision. For how can a man shake off his habits? What can become of him if he is in such bondage to the habit of satisfying the innumerable desires he has created for himself? He is isolated, and what concern has he with the rest of humanity? They have succeeded in accumulating a greater mass of objects, but the joy in the world has grown less.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The monastic way is very different. Obedience, fasting and prayer are laughed at, yet only through them lies the way to real, true freedom. I cut off my superfluous and unnecessary desires, I subdue my proud and wanton will and chastise it with obedience, and with God's help I attain freedom of spirit and with it spiritual joy. Which is most capable of conceiving a great idea and serving it&#8212;the rich man in his isolation or the man who has freed himself from the tyranny of material things and habits? The monk is reproached for his solitude, &#8220;You have secluded yourself within the walls of the monastery for your own salvation, and have forgotten the brotherly service of humanity!&#8221; But we shall see which will be most zealous in the cause of brotherly love. For it is not we, but they, who are in isolation, though they don't see that. Of old, leaders of the people came from among us, and why should they not again? The same meek and humble ascetics will rise up and go out to work for the great cause. The salvation of Russia comes from the people. And the Russian monk has always been on the side of the people. We are isolated only if the people are isolated. The people believe as we do, and an unbelieving reformer will never do anything in Russia, even if he is sincere in heart and a genius. Remember that! The people will meet the atheist and overcome him, and Russia will be one and orthodox. Take care of the peasant and guard his heart. Go on educating him quietly. That's your duty as monks, for the peasant has God in his heart.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;(f) Of Masters and Servants, and of whether it is possible for them to be Brothers in the Spirit&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Of course, I don't deny that there is sin in the peasants too. And the fire of corruption is spreading visibly, hourly, working from above downwards. The spirit of isolation is coming upon the people too. Money lenders and devourers of the commune are rising up. Already the merchant grows more and more eager for rank, and strives to show himself cultured though he has not a trace of culture, and to this end meanly despises his old traditions, and is even ashamed of the faith of his fathers. He visits princes, though he is only a peasant corrupted. The peasants are rotting in drunkenness and cannot shake off the habit. And what cruelty to their wives, to their children even! All from drunkenness! I've seen in the factories children of nine years old, frail, rickety, bent and already depraved. The stuffy workshop, the din of machinery, work all day long, the vile language and the drink, the drink&#8212;is that what a little child's heart needs? He needs sunshine, childish play, good examples all about him, and at least a little love. There must be no more of this, monks, no more torturing of children, rise up and preach that, make haste, make haste!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But God will save Russia, for though the peasants are corrupted and cannot renounce their filthy sin, yet they know it is cursed by God and that they do wrong in sinning. So that our people still believe in righteousness, have faith in God and weep tears of devotion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It is different with the upper classes. They, following science, want to base justice on reason alone, but not with Christ, as before, and they have already proclaimed that there is no crime, that there is no sin. And that's consistent, for if you have no God what is the meaning of crime? In Europe the people are already rising up against the rich with violence, and the leaders of the people are everywhere leading them to bloodshed, and teaching them that their wrath is righteous. But their &#8220;wrath is accursed, for it is cruel.&#8221; But God will save Russia as He has saved her many times. Salvation will come from the people, from their faith and their meekness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fathers and teachers, watch over the people's faith and this will not be a dream. I've been struck all my life in our great people by their dignity, their true and seemly dignity. I've seen it myself, I can testify to it, I've seen it and marveled at it, I've seen it in spite of the degraded sins and poverty-stricken appearance of our peasantry. They are not servile, and even after two centuries of serfdom they are free in manner and bearing, yet without insolence, and not revengeful and not envious. &#8220;You are rich and noble, you are clever and talented, well, be so, God bless you. I respect you, but I know that I too am a man. By the very fact that I respect you without envy I prove my dignity as a man.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In truth if they don't say this (for they don't know how to say this yet), that is how they act. I have seen it myself, I have known it myself, and, would you believe it, the poorer our Russian peasant is, the more noticeable is that serene goodness, for the rich among them are for the most part corrupted already, and much of that is due to our carelessness and indifference. But God will save His people, for Russia is great in her humility. I dream of seeing, and seem to see clearly already, our future. It will come to pass, that even the most corrupt of our rich will end by being ashamed of his riches before the poor, and the poor, seeing his humility, will understand and give way before him, will respond joyfully and kindly to his honorable shame. Believe me that it will end in that; things are moving to that. Equality is to be found only in the spiritual dignity of man, and that will only be understood among us. If we were brothers, there would be fraternity, but before that, they will never agree about the division of wealth. We preserve the image of Christ, and it will shine forth like a precious diamond to the whole world. So may it be, so may it be!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fathers and teachers, a touching incident befell me once. In my wanderings I met in the town of K. my old orderly, Afanasy. It was eight years since I had parted from him. He chanced to see me in the market-place, recognized me, ran up to me, and how delighted he was! He simply pounced on me: &#8220;Master dear, is it you? Is it really you I see?&#8221; He took me home with him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was no longer in the army, he was married and already had two little children. He and his wife earned their living as costermongers in the market-place. His room was poor, but bright and clean. He made me sit down, set the samovar, sent for his wife, as though my appearance were a festival for them. He brought me his children: &#8220;Bless them, Father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is it for me to bless them? I am only a humble monk. I will pray for them. And for you, Afanasy Pavlovitch, I have prayed every day since that day, for it all came from you,&#8221; said I. And I explained that to him as well as I could. And what do you think? The man kept gazing at me and could not believe that I, his former master, an officer, was now before him in such a guise and position; it made him shed tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are you weeping?&#8221; said I, &#8220;better rejoice over me, dear friend, whom I can never forget, for my path is a glad and joyful one.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He did not say much, but kept sighing and shaking his head over me tenderly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What has became of your fortune?&#8221; he asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I gave it to the monastery,&#8221; I answered; &#8220;we live in common.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After tea I began saying good-by, and suddenly he brought out half a rouble as an offering to the monastery, and another half-rouble I saw him thrusting hurriedly into my hand: &#8220;That's for you in your wanderings, it may be of use to you, Father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I took his half-rouble, bowed to him and his wife, and went out rejoicing. And on my way I thought: &#8220;Here we are both now, he at home and I on the road, sighing and shaking our heads, no doubt, and yet smiling joyfully in the gladness of our hearts, remembering how God brought about our meeting.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I have never seen him again since then. I had been his master and he my servant, but now when we exchanged a loving kiss with softened hearts, there was a great human bond between us. I have thought a great deal about that, and now what I think is this: Is it so inconceivable that that grand and simple-hearted unity might in due time become universal among the Russian people? I believe that it will come to pass and that the time is at hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And of servants I will add this: In old days when I was young I was often angry with servants; &#8220;the cook had served something too hot, the orderly had not brushed my clothes.&#8221; But what taught me better then was a thought of my dear brother's, which I had heard from him in childhood: &#8220;Am I worth it, that another should serve me and be ordered about by me in his poverty and ignorance?&#8221; And I wondered at the time that such simple and self-evident ideas should be so slow to occur to our minds.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It is impossible that there should be no servants in the world, but act so that your servant may be freer in spirit than if he were not a servant. And why cannot I be a servant to my servant and even let him see it, and that without any pride on my part or any mistrust on his? Why should not my servant be like my own kindred, so that I may take him into my family and rejoice in doing so? Even now this can be done, but it will lead to the grand unity of men in the future, when a man will not seek servants for himself, or desire to turn his fellow creatures into servants as he does now, but on the contrary, will long with his whole heart to be the servant of all, as the Gospel teaches.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And can it be a dream, that in the end man will find his joy only in deeds of light and mercy, and not in cruel pleasures as now, in gluttony, fornication, ostentation, boasting and envious rivalry of one with the other? I firmly believe that it is not and that the time is at hand. People laugh and ask: &#8220;When will that time come and does it look like coming?&#8221; I believe that with Christ's help we shall accomplish this great thing. And how many ideas there have been on earth in the history of man which were unthinkable ten years before they appeared! Yet when their destined hour had come, they came forth and spread over the whole earth. So it will be with us, and our people will shine forth in the world, and all men will say: &#8220;The stone which the builders rejected has become the corner-stone of the building.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And we may ask the scornful themselves: If our hope is a dream, when will you build up your edifice and order things justly by your intellect alone, without Christ? If they declare that it is they who are advancing towards unity, only the most simple-hearted among them believe it, so that one may positively marvel at such simplicity. Of a truth, they have more fantastic dreams than we. They aim at justice, but, denying Christ, they will end by flooding the earth with blood, for blood cries out for blood, and he that taketh up the sword shall perish by the sword. And if it were not for Christ's covenant, they would slaughter one another down to the last two men on earth. And those two last men would not be able to restrain each other in their pride, and the one would slay the other and then himself. And that would come to pass, were it not for the promise of Christ that for the sake of the humble and meek the days shall be shortened.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
While I was still wearing an officer's uniform after my duel, I talked about servants in general society, and I remember every one was amazed at me. &#8220;What!&#8221; they asked, &#8220;are we to make our servants sit down on the sofa and offer them tea?&#8221; And I answered them: &#8220;Why not, sometimes at least?&#8221; Every one laughed. Their question was frivolous and my answer was not clear; but the thought in it was to some extent right.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;(g) Of Prayer, of Love, and of Contact with other Worlds&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Young man, be not forgetful of prayer. Every time you pray, if your prayer is sincere, there will be new feeling and new meaning in it, which will give you fresh courage, and you will understand that prayer is an education. Remember, too, every day, and whenever you can, repeat to yourself, &#8220;Lord, have mercy on all who appear before Thee to-day.&#8221; For every hour and every moment thousands of men leave life on this earth, and their souls appear before God. And how many of them depart in solitude, unknown, sad, dejected that no one mourns for them or even knows whether they have lived or not! And behold, from the other end of the earth perhaps, your prayer for their rest will rise up to God though you knew them not nor they you. How touching it must be to a soul standing in dread before the Lord to feel at that instant that, for him too, there is one to pray, that there is a fellow creature left on earth to love him too! And God will look on you both more graciously, for if you have had so much pity on him, how much will He have pity Who is infinitely more loving and merciful than you! And He will forgive him for your sake.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Brothers, have no fear of men's sin. Love a man even in his sin, for that is the semblance of Divine Love and is the highest love on earth. Love all God's creation, the whole and every grain of sand in it. Love every leaf, every ray of God's light. Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love. Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled. Do not trouble it, don't harass them, don't deprive them of their happiness, don't work against God's intent. Man, do not pride yourself on superiority to the animals; they are without sin, and you, with your greatness, defile the earth by your appearance on it, and leave the traces of your foulness after you&#8212;alas, it is true of almost every one of us! Love children especially, for they too are sinless like the angels; they live to soften and purify our hearts and as it were to guide us. Woe to him who offends a child! Father Anfim taught me to love children. The kind, silent man used often on our wanderings to spend the farthings given us on sweets and cakes for the children. He could not pass by a child without emotion. That's the nature of the man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At some thoughts one stands perplexed, especially at the sight of men's sin, and wonders whether one should use force or humble love. Always decide to use humble love. If you resolve on that once for all, you may subdue the whole world. Loving humility is marvelously strong, the strongest of all things, and there is nothing else like it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Every day and every hour, every minute, walk round yourself and watch yourself, and see that your image is a seemly one. You pass by a little child, you pass by, spiteful, with ugly words, with wrathful heart; you may not have noticed the child, but he has seen you, and your image, unseemly and ignoble, may remain in his defenseless heart. You don't know it, but you may have sown an evil seed in him and it may grow, and all because you were not careful before the child, because you did not foster in yourself a careful, actively benevolent love. Brothers, love is a teacher; but one must know how to acquire it, for it is hard to acquire, it is dearly bought, it is won slowly by long labor. For we must love not only occasionally, for a moment, but for ever. Every one can love occasionally, even the wicked can.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My brother asked the birds to forgive him; that sounds senseless, but it is right; for all is like an ocean, all is flowing and blending; a touch in one place sets up movement at the other end of the earth. It may be senseless to beg forgiveness of the birds, but birds would be happier at your side&#8212;a little happier, anyway&#8212;and children and all animals, if you were nobler than you are now. It's all like an ocean, I tell you. Then you would pray to the birds too, consumed by an all-embracing love, in a sort of transport, and pray that they too will forgive you your sin. Treasure this ecstasy, however senseless it may seem to men.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
My friends, pray to God for gladness. Be glad as children, as the birds of heaven. And let not the sin of men confound you in your doings. Fear not that it will wear away your work and hinder its being accomplished. Do not say, &#8220;Sin is mighty, wickedness is mighty, evil environment is mighty, and we are lonely and helpless, and evil environment is wearing us away and hindering our good work from being done.&#8221; Fly from that dejection, children! There is only one means of salvation, then take yourself and make yourself responsible for all men's sins, that is the truth, you know, friends, for as soon as you sincerely make yourself responsible for everything and for all men, you will see at once that it is really so, and that you are to blame for every one and for all things. But throwing your own indolence and impotence on others you will end by sharing the pride of Satan and murmuring against God.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Of the pride of Satan what I think is this: it is hard for us on earth to comprehend it, and therefore it is so easy to fall into error and to share it, even imagining that we are doing something grand and fine. Indeed, many of the strongest feelings and movements of our nature we cannot comprehend on earth. Let not that be a stumbling-block, and think not that it may serve as a justification to you for anything. For the Eternal Judge asks of you what you can comprehend and not what you cannot. You will know that yourself hereafter, for you will behold all things truly then and will not dispute them. On earth, indeed, we are as it were astray, and if it were not for the precious image of Christ before us, we should be undone and altogether lost, as was the human race before the flood. Much on earth is hidden from us, but to make up for that we have been given a precious mystic sense of our living bond with the other world, with the higher heavenly world, and the roots of our thoughts and feelings are not here but in other worlds. That is why the philosophers say that we cannot apprehend the reality of things on earth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
God took seeds from different worlds and sowed them on this earth, and His garden grew up and everything came up that could come up, but what grows lives and is alive only through the feeling of its contact with other mysterious worlds. If that feeling grows weak or is destroyed in you, the heavenly growth will die away in you. Then you will be indifferent to life and even grow to hate it. That's what I think.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;(h) Can a Man judge his Fellow Creatures? Faith to the End&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Remember particularly that you cannot be a judge of any one. For no one can judge a criminal, until he recognizes that he is just such a criminal as the man standing before him, and that he perhaps is more than all men to blame for that crime. When he understands that, he will be able to be a judge. Though that sounds absurd, it is true. If I had been righteous myself, perhaps there would have been no criminal standing before me. If you can take upon yourself the crime of the criminal your heart is judging, take it at once, suffer for him yourself, and let him go without reproach. And even if the law itself makes you his judge, act in the same spirit so far as possible, for he will go away and condemn himself more bitterly than you have done. If, after your kiss, he goes away untouched, mocking at you, do not let that be a stumbling-block to you. It shows his time has not yet come, but it will come in due course. And if it come not, no matter; if not he, then another in his place will understand and suffer, and judge and condemn himself, and the truth will be fulfilled. Believe that, believe it without doubt; for in that lies all the hope and faith of the saints.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Work without ceasing. If you remember in the night as you go to sleep, &#8220;I have not done what I ought to have done,&#8221; rise up at once and do it. If the people around you are spiteful and callous and will not hear you, fall down before them and beg their forgiveness; for in truth you are to blame for their not wanting to hear you. And if you cannot speak to them in their bitterness, serve them in silence and in humility, never losing hope. If all men abandon you and even drive you away by force, then when you are left alone fall on the earth and kiss it, water it with your tears and it will bring forth fruit even though no one has seen or heard you in your solitude. Believe to the end, even if all men went astray and you were left the only one faithful; bring your offering even then and praise God in your loneliness. And if two of you are gathered together&#8212;then there is a whole world, a world of living love. Embrace each other tenderly and praise God, for if only in you two His truth has been fulfilled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If you sin yourself and grieve even unto death for your sins or for your sudden sin, then rejoice for others, rejoice for the righteous man, rejoice that if you have sinned, he is righteous and has not sinned.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If the evil-doing of men moves you to indignation and overwhelming distress, even to a desire for vengeance on the evil-doers, shun above all things that feeling. Go at once and seek suffering for yourself, as though you were yourself guilty of that wrong. Accept that suffering and bear it and your heart will find comfort, and you will understand that you too are guilty, for you might have been a light to the evil-doers, even as the one man sinless, and you were not a light to them. If you had been a light, you would have lightened the path for others too, and the evil-doer might perhaps have been saved by your light from his sin. And even though your light was shining, yet you see men were not saved by it, hold firm and doubt not the power of the heavenly light. Believe that if they were not saved, they will be saved hereafter. And if they are not saved hereafter, then their sons will be saved, for your light will not die even when you are dead. The righteous man departs, but his light remains. Men are always saved after the death of the deliverer. Men reject their prophets and slay them, but they love their martyrs and honor those whom they have slain. You are working for the whole, you are acting for the future. Seek no reward, for great is your reward on this earth: the spiritual joy which is only vouchsafed to the righteous man. Fear not the great nor the mighty, but be wise and ever serene. Know the measure, know the times, study that. When you are left alone, pray. Love to throw yourself on the earth and kiss it. Kiss the earth and love it with an unceasing, consuming love. Love all men, love everything. Seek that rapture and ecstasy. Water the earth with the tears of your joy and love those tears. Don't be ashamed of that ecstasy, prize it, for it is a gift of God and a great one; it is not given to many but only to the elect.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;(i) Of Hell and Hell Fire, a Mystic Reflection&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Fathers and teachers, I ponder, &#8220;What is hell?&#8221; I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love. Once in infinite existence, immeasurable in time and space, a spiritual creature was given on his coming to earth, the power of saying, &#8220;I am and I love.&#8221; Once, only once, there was given him a moment of active &lt;i&gt;living&lt;/i&gt; love, and for that was earthly life given him, and with it times and seasons. And that happy creature rejected the priceless gift, prized it and loved it not, scorned it and remained callous. Such a one, having left the earth, sees Abraham's bosom and talks with Abraham as we are told in the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, and beholds heaven and can go up to the Lord. But that is just his torment, to rise up to the Lord without ever having loved, to be brought close to those who have loved when he has despised their love. For he sees clearly and says to himself, &#8220;Now I have understanding, and though I now thirst to love, there will be nothing great, no sacrifice in my love, for my earthly life is over, and Abraham will not come even with a drop of living water (that is the gift of earthly active life) to cool the fiery thirst of spiritual love which burns in me now, though I despised it on earth; there is no more life for me and will be no more time! Even though I would gladly give my life for others, it can never be, for that life is passed which can be sacrificed for love, and now there is a gulf fixed between that life and this existence.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They talk of hell fire in the material sense. I don't go into that mystery and I shun it. But I think if there were fire in material sense, they would be glad of it, for I imagine that in material agony, their still greater spiritual agony would be forgotten for a moment. Moreover, that spiritual agony cannot be taken from them, for that suffering is not external but within them. And if it could be taken from them, I think it would be bitterer still for the unhappy creatures. For even if the righteous in Paradise forgave them, beholding their torments, and called them up to heaven in their infinite love, they would only multiply their torments, for they would arouse in them still more keenly a flaming thirst for responsive, active and grateful love which is now impossible. In the timidity of my heart I imagine, however, that the very recognition of this impossibility would serve at last to console them. For accepting the love of the righteous together with the impossibility of repaying it, by this submissiveness and the effect of this humility, they will attain at last, as it were, to a certain semblance of that active love which they scorned in life, to something like its outward expression.... I am sorry, friends and brothers, that I cannot express this clearly. But woe to those who have slain themselves on earth, woe to the suicides! I believe that there can be none more miserable than they. They tell us that it is a sin to pray for them and outwardly the Church, as it were, renounces them, but in my secret heart I believe that we may pray even for them. Love can never be an offense to Christ. For such as those I have prayed inwardly all my life, I confess it, fathers and teachers, and even now I pray for them every day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Oh, there are some who remain proud and fierce even in hell, in spite of their certain knowledge and contemplation of the absolute truth; there are some fearful ones who have given themselves over to Satan and his proud spirit entirely. For such, hell is voluntary and ever consuming; they are tortured by their own choice. For they have cursed themselves, cursing God and life. They live upon their vindictive pride like a starving man in the desert sucking blood out of his own body. But they are never satisfied, and they refuse forgiveness, they curse God Who calls them. They cannot behold the living God without hatred, and they cry out that the God of life should be annihilated, that God should destroy Himself and His own creation. And they will burn in the fire of their own wrath for ever and yearn for death and annihilation. But they will not attain to death....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Here Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov's manuscript ends. I repeat, it is incomplete and fragmentary. Biographical details, for instance, cover only Father Zossima's earliest youth. Of his teaching and opinions we find brought together sayings evidently uttered on very different occasions. His utterances during the last few hours have not been kept separate from the rest, but their general character can be gathered from what we have in Alexey Fyodorovitch's manuscript.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The elder's death came in the end quite unexpectedly. For although those who were gathered about him that last evening realized that his death was approaching, yet it was difficult to imagine that it would come so suddenly. On the contrary, his friends, as I observed already, seeing him that night apparently so cheerful and talkative, were convinced that there was at least a temporary change for the better in his condition. Even five minutes before his death, they said afterwards wonderingly, it was impossible to foresee it. He seemed suddenly to feel an acute pain in his chest, he turned pale and pressed his hands to his heart. All rose from their seats and hastened to him. But though suffering, he still looked at them with a smile, sank slowly from his chair on to his knees, then bowed his face to the ground, stretched out his arms and as though in joyful ecstasy, praying and kissing the ground, quietly and joyfully gave up his soul to God.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The news of his death spread at once through the hermitage and reached the monastery. The nearest friends of the deceased and those whose duty it was from their position began to lay out the corpse according to the ancient ritual, and all the monks gathered together in the church. And before dawn the news of the death reached the town. By the morning all the town was talking of the event, and crowds were flocking from the town to the monastery. But this subject will be treated in the next book; I will only add here that before a day had passed something happened so unexpected, so strange, upsetting, and bewildering in its effect on the monks and the townspeople, that after all these years, that day of general suspense is still vividly remembered in the town.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTIII&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART III&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;BOOKVII&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;BOOK VII. ALYOSHA&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I. THE BREATH OF CORRUPTION&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The body of Father Zossima was prepared for burial according to the established ritual. As is well known, the bodies of dead monks and hermits are not washed. In the words of the Church Ritual: &#8220;If anyone of the monks depart in the Lord, the monk designated (that is, whose office it is) shall wipe the body with warm water, making first the sign of the cross with a sponge on the forehead of the deceased, on the breast, on the hands and feet and on the knees, and that is enough.&#8221; All this was done by Father Pa&#239;ssy, who then clothed the deceased in his monastic garb and wrapped him in his cloak, which was, according to custom, somewhat slit to allow of its being folded about him in the form of a cross. On his head he put a hood with an eight-cornered cross. The hood was left open and the dead man's face was covered with black gauze. In his hands was put an ikon of the Saviour. Towards morning he was put in the coffin which had been made ready long before. It was decided to leave the coffin all day in the cell, in the larger room in which the elder used to receive his visitors and fellow monks. As the deceased was a priest and monk of the strictest rule, the Gospel, not the Psalter, had to be read over his body by monks in holy orders. The reading was begun by Father Iosif immediately after the requiem service. Father Pa&#239;ssy desired later on to read the Gospel all day and night over his dead friend, but for the present he, as well as the Father Superintendent of the Hermitage, was very busy and occupied, for something extraordinary, an unheard-of, even &#8220;unseemly&#8221; excitement and impatient expectation began to be apparent in the monks, and the visitors from the monastery hostels, and the crowds of people flocking from the town. And as time went on, this grew more and more marked. Both the Superintendent and Father Pa&#239;ssy did their utmost to calm the general bustle and agitation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When it was fully daylight, some people began bringing their sick, in most cases children, with them from the town&#8212;as though they had been waiting expressly for this moment to do so, evidently persuaded that the dead elder's remains had a power of healing, which would be immediately made manifest in accordance with their faith. It was only then apparent how unquestionably every one in our town had accepted Father Zossima during his lifetime as a great saint. And those who came were far from being all of the humbler classes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This intense expectation on the part of believers displayed with such haste, such openness, even with impatience and almost insistence, impressed Father Pa&#239;ssy as unseemly. Though he had long foreseen something of the sort, the actual manifestation of the feeling was beyond anything he had looked for. When he came across any of the monks who displayed this excitement, Father Pa&#239;ssy began to reprove them. &#8220;Such immediate expectation of something extraordinary,&#8221; he said, &#8220;shows a levity, possible to worldly people but unseemly in us.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But little attention was paid him and Father Pa&#239;ssy noticed it uneasily. Yet he himself (if the whole truth must be told), secretly at the bottom of his heart, cherished almost the same hopes and could not but be aware of it, though he was indignant at the too impatient expectation around him, and saw in it light-mindedness and vanity. Nevertheless, it was particularly unpleasant to him to meet certain persons, whose presence aroused in him great misgivings. In the crowd in the dead man's cell he noticed with inward aversion (for which he immediately reproached himself) the presence of Rakitin and of the monk from Obdorsk, who was still staying in the monastery. Of both of them Father Pa&#239;ssy felt for some reason suddenly suspicious&#8212;though, indeed, he might well have felt the same about others.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The monk from Obdorsk was conspicuous as the most fussy in the excited crowd. He was to be seen everywhere; everywhere he was asking questions, everywhere he was listening, on all sides he was whispering with a peculiar, mysterious air. His expression showed the greatest impatience and even a sort of irritation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As for Rakitin, he, as appeared later, had come so early to the hermitage at the special request of Madame Hohlakov. As soon as that good-hearted but weak-minded woman, who could not herself have been admitted to the hermitage, waked and heard of the death of Father Zossima, she was overtaken with such intense curiosity that she promptly dispatched Rakitin to the hermitage, to keep a careful look out and report to her by letter every half-hour or so &#8220;everything that takes place.&#8221; She regarded Rakitin as a most religious and devout young man. He was particularly clever in getting round people and assuming whatever part he thought most to their taste, if he detected the slightest advantage to himself from doing so.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a bright, clear day, and many of the visitors were thronging about the tombs, which were particularly numerous round the church and scattered here and there about the hermitage. As he walked round the hermitage, Father Pa&#239;ssy remembered Alyosha and that he had not seen him for some time, not since the night. And he had no sooner thought of him than he at once noticed him in the farthest corner of the hermitage garden, sitting on the tombstone of a monk who had been famous long ago for his saintliness. He sat with his back to the hermitage and his face to the wall, and seemed to be hiding behind the tombstone. Going up to him, Father Pa&#239;ssy saw that he was weeping quietly but bitterly, with his face hidden in his hands, and that his whole frame was shaking with sobs. Father Pa&#239;ssy stood over him for a little.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Enough, dear son, enough, dear,&#8221; he pronounced with feeling at last. &#8220;Why do you weep? Rejoice and weep not. Don't you know that this is the greatest of his days? Think only where he is now, at this moment!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha glanced at him, uncovering his face, which was swollen with crying like a child's, but turned away at once without uttering a word and hid his face in his hands again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Maybe it is well,&#8221; said Father Pa&#239;ssy thoughtfully; &#8220;weep if you must, Christ has sent you those tears.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your touching tears are but a relief to your spirit and will serve to gladden your dear heart,&#8221; he added to himself, walking away from Alyosha, and thinking lovingly of him. He moved away quickly, however, for he felt that he too might weep looking at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Meanwhile the time was passing; the monastery services and the requiems for the dead followed in their due course. Father Pa&#239;ssy again took Father Iosif's place by the coffin and began reading the Gospel. But before three o'clock in the afternoon that something took place to which I alluded at the end of the last book, something so unexpected by all of us and so contrary to the general hope, that, I repeat, this trivial incident has been minutely remembered to this day in our town and all the surrounding neighborhood. I may add here, for myself personally, that I feel it almost repulsive to recall that event which caused such frivolous agitation and was such a stumbling-block to many, though in reality it was the most natural and trivial matter. I should, of course, have omitted all mention of it in my story, if it had not exerted a very strong influence on the heart and soul of the chief, though future, hero of my story, Alyosha, forming a crisis and turning-point in his spiritual development, giving a shock to his intellect, which finally strengthened it for the rest of his life and gave it a definite aim.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And so, to return to our story. When before dawn they laid Father Zossima's body in the coffin and brought it into the front room, the question of opening the windows was raised among those who were around the coffin. But this suggestion made casually by some one was unanswered and almost unnoticed. Some of those present may perhaps have inwardly noticed it, only to reflect that the anticipation of decay and corruption from the body of such a saint was an actual absurdity, calling for compassion (if not a smile) for the lack of faith and the frivolity it implied. For they expected something quite different.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And, behold, soon after midday there were signs of something, at first only observed in silence by those who came in and out and were evidently each afraid to communicate the thought in his mind. But by three o'clock those signs had become so clear and unmistakable, that the news swiftly reached all the monks and visitors in the hermitage, promptly penetrated to the monastery, throwing all the monks into amazement, and finally, in the shortest possible time, spread to the town, exciting every one in it, believers and unbelievers alike. The unbelievers rejoiced, and as for the believers some of them rejoiced even more than the unbelievers, for &#8220;men love the downfall and disgrace of the righteous,&#8221; as the deceased elder had said in one of his exhortations.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The fact is that a smell of decomposition began to come from the coffin, growing gradually more marked, and by three o'clock it was quite unmistakable. In all the past history of our monastery, no such scandal could be recalled, and in no other circumstances could such a scandal have been possible, as showed itself in unseemly disorder immediately after this discovery among the very monks themselves. Afterwards, even many years afterwards, some sensible monks were amazed and horrified, when they recalled that day, that the scandal could have reached such proportions. For in the past, monks of very holy life had died, God-fearing old men, whose saintliness was acknowledged by all, yet from their humble coffins, too, the breath of corruption had come, naturally, as from all dead bodies, but that had caused no scandal nor even the slightest excitement. Of course there had been, in former times, saints in the monastery whose memory was carefully preserved and whose relics, according to tradition, showed no signs of corruption. This fact was regarded by the monks as touching and mysterious, and the tradition of it was cherished as something blessed and miraculous, and as a promise, by God's grace, of still greater glory from their tombs in the future.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
One such, whose memory was particularly cherished, was an old monk, Job, who had died seventy years before at the age of a hundred and five. He had been a celebrated ascetic, rigid in fasting and silence, and his tomb was pointed out to all visitors on their arrival with peculiar respect and mysterious hints of great hopes connected with it. (That was the very tomb on which Father Pa&#239;ssy had found Alyosha sitting in the morning.) Another memory cherished in the monastery was that of the famous Father Varsonofy, who was only recently dead and had preceded Father Zossima in the eldership. He was reverenced during his lifetime as a crazy saint by all the pilgrims to the monastery. There was a tradition that both of these had lain in their coffins as though alive, that they had shown no signs of decomposition when they were buried and that there had been a holy light in their faces. And some people even insisted that a sweet fragrance came from their bodies.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yet, in spite of these edifying memories, it would be difficult to explain the frivolity, absurdity and malice that were manifested beside the coffin of Father Zossima. It is my private opinion that several different causes were simultaneously at work, one of which was the deeply-rooted hostility to the institution of elders as a pernicious innovation, an antipathy hidden deep in the hearts of many of the monks. Even more powerful was jealousy of the dead man's saintliness, so firmly established during his lifetime that it was almost a forbidden thing to question it. For though the late elder had won over many hearts, more by love than by miracles, and had gathered round him a mass of loving adherents, none the less, in fact, rather the more on that account he had awakened jealousy and so had come to have bitter enemies, secret and open, not only in the monastery but in the world outside it. He did no one any harm, but &#8220;Why do they think him so saintly?&#8221; And that question alone, gradually repeated, gave rise at last to an intense, insatiable hatred of him. That, I believe, was why many people were extremely delighted at the smell of decomposition which came so quickly, for not a day had passed since his death. At the same time there were some among those who had been hitherto reverently devoted to the elder, who were almost mortified and personally affronted by this incident. This was how the thing happened.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As soon as signs of decomposition had begun to appear, the whole aspect of the monks betrayed their secret motives in entering the cell. They went in, stayed a little while and hastened out to confirm the news to the crowd of other monks waiting outside. Some of the latter shook their heads mournfully, but others did not even care to conceal the delight which gleamed unmistakably in their malignant eyes. And now no one reproached them for it, no one raised his voice in protest, which was strange, for the majority of the monks had been devoted to the dead elder. But it seemed as though God had in this case let the minority get the upper hand for a time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Visitors from outside, particularly of the educated class, soon went into the cell, too, with the same spying intent. Of the peasantry few went into the cell, though there were crowds of them at the gates of the hermitage. After three o'clock the rush of worldly visitors was greatly increased and this was no doubt owing to the shocking news. People were attracted who would not otherwise have come on that day and had not intended to come, and among them were some personages of high standing. But external decorum was still preserved and Father Pa&#239;ssy, with a stern face, continued firmly and distinctly reading aloud the Gospel, apparently not noticing what was taking place around him, though he had, in fact, observed something unusual long before. But at last the murmurs, first subdued but gradually louder and more confident, reached even him. &#8220;It shows God's judgment is not as man's,&#8221; Father Pa&#239;ssy heard suddenly. The first to give utterance to this sentiment was a layman, an elderly official from the town, known to be a man of great piety. But he only repeated aloud what the monks had long been whispering. They had long before formulated this damning conclusion, and the worst of it was that a sort of triumphant satisfaction at that conclusion became more and more apparent every moment. Soon they began to lay aside even external decorum and almost seemed to feel they had a sort of right to discard it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And for what reason can &lt;i&gt;this&lt;/i&gt; have happened,&#8221; some of the monks said, at first with a show of regret; &#8220;he had a small frame and his flesh was dried up on his bones, what was there to decay?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It must be a sign from heaven,&#8221; others hastened to add, and their opinion was adopted at once without protest. For it was pointed out, too, that if the decomposition had been natural, as in the case of every dead sinner, it would have been apparent later, after a lapse of at least twenty-four hours, but this premature corruption &#8220;was in excess of nature,&#8221; and so the finger of God was evident. It was meant for a sign. This conclusion seemed irresistible.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gentle Father Iosif, the librarian, a great favorite of the dead man's, tried to reply to some of the evil speakers that &#8220;this is not held everywhere alike,&#8221; and that the incorruptibility of the bodies of the just was not a dogma of the Orthodox Church, but only an opinion, and that even in the most Orthodox regions, at Athos for instance, they were not greatly confounded by the smell of corruption, and there the chief sign of the glorification of the saved was not bodily incorruptibility, but the color of the bones when the bodies have lain many years in the earth and have decayed in it. &#8220;And if the bones are yellow as wax, that is the great sign that the Lord has glorified the dead saint, if they are not yellow but black, it shows that God has not deemed him worthy of such glory&#8212;that is the belief in Athos, a great place, where the Orthodox doctrine has been preserved from of old, unbroken and in its greatest purity,&#8221; said Father Iosif in conclusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the meek Father's words had little effect and even provoked a mocking retort. &#8220;That's all pedantry and innovation, no use listening to it,&#8221; the monks decided. &#8220;We stick to the old doctrine, there are all sorts of innovations nowadays, are we to follow them all?&#8221; added others.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We have had as many holy fathers as they had. There they are among the Turks, they have forgotten everything. Their doctrine has long been impure and they have no bells even,&#8221; the most sneering added.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Father Iosif walked away, grieving the more since he had put forward his own opinion with little confidence as though scarcely believing in it himself. He foresaw with distress that something very unseemly was beginning and that there were positive signs of disobedience. Little by little, all the sensible monks were reduced to silence like Father Iosif. And so it came to pass that all who loved the elder and had accepted with devout obedience the institution of the eldership were all at once terribly cast down and glanced timidly in one another's faces, when they met. Those who were hostile to the institution of elders, as a novelty, held up their heads proudly. &#8220;There was no smell of corruption from the late elder Varsonofy, but a sweet fragrance,&#8221; they recalled malignantly. &#8220;But he gained that glory not because he was an elder, but because he was a holy man.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And this was followed by a shower of criticism and even blame of Father Zossima. &#8220;His teaching was false; he taught that life is a great joy and not a vale of tears,&#8221; said some of the more unreasonable. &#8220;He followed the fashionable belief, he did not recognize material fire in hell,&#8221; others, still more unreasonable, added. &#8220;He was not strict in fasting, allowed himself sweet things, ate cherry jam with his tea, ladies used to send it to him. Is it for a monk of strict rule to drink tea?&#8221; could be heard among some of the envious. &#8220;He sat in pride,&#8221; the most malignant declared vindictively; &#8220;he considered himself a saint and he took it as his due when people knelt before him.&#8221; &#8220;He abused the sacrament of confession,&#8221; the fiercest opponents of the institution of elders added in a malicious whisper. And among these were some of the oldest monks, strictest in their devotion, genuine ascetics, who had kept silent during the life of the deceased elder, but now suddenly unsealed their lips. And this was terrible, for their words had great influence on young monks who were not yet firm in their convictions. The monk from Obdorsk heard all this attentively, heaving deep sighs and nodding his head. &#8220;Yes, clearly Father Ferapont was right in his judgment yesterday,&#8221; and at that moment Father Ferapont himself made his appearance, as though on purpose to increase the confusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I have mentioned already that he rarely left his wooden cell by the apiary. He was seldom even seen at church and they overlooked this neglect on the ground of his craziness, and did not keep him to the rules binding on all the rest. But if the whole truth is to be told, they hardly had a choice about it. For it would have been discreditable to insist on burdening with the common regulations so great an ascetic, who prayed day and night (he even dropped asleep on his knees). If they had insisted, the monks would have said, &#8220;He is holier than all of us and he follows a rule harder than ours. And if he does not go to church, it's because he knows when he ought to; he has his own rule.&#8221; It was to avoid the chance of these sinful murmurs that Father Ferapont was left in peace.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As every one was aware, Father Ferapont particularly disliked Father Zossima. And now the news had reached him in his hut that &#8220;God's judgment is not the same as man's,&#8221; and that something had happened which was &#8220;in excess of nature.&#8221; It may well be supposed that among the first to run to him with the news was the monk from Obdorsk, who had visited him the evening before and left his cell terror-stricken.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I have mentioned above, that though Father Pa&#239;ssy, standing firm and immovable reading the Gospel over the coffin, could not hear nor see what was passing outside the cell, he gauged most of it correctly in his heart, for he knew the men surrounding him, well. He was not shaken by it, but awaited what would come next without fear, watching with penetration and insight for the outcome of the general excitement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly an extraordinary uproar in the passage in open defiance of decorum burst on his ears. The door was flung open and Father Ferapont appeared in the doorway. Behind him there could be seen accompanying him a crowd of monks, together with many people from the town. They did not, however, enter the cell, but stood at the bottom of the steps, waiting to see what Father Ferapont would say or do. For they felt with a certain awe, in spite of their audacity, that he had not come for nothing. Standing in the doorway, Father Ferapont raised his arms, and under his right arm the keen inquisitive little eyes of the monk from Obdorsk peeped in. He alone, in his intense curiosity, could not resist running up the steps after Father Ferapont. The others, on the contrary, pressed farther back in sudden alarm when the door was noisily flung open. Holding his hands aloft, Father Ferapont suddenly roared:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Casting out I cast out!&#8221; and, turning in all directions, he began at once making the sign of the cross at each of the four walls and four corners of the cell in succession. All who accompanied Father Ferapont immediately understood his action. For they knew he always did this wherever he went, and that he would not sit down or say a word, till he had driven out the evil spirits.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Satan, go hence! Satan, go hence!&#8221; he repeated at each sign of the cross. &#8220;Casting out I cast out,&#8221; he roared again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was wearing his coarse gown girt with a rope. His bare chest, covered with gray hair, could be seen under his hempen shirt. His feet were bare. As soon as he began waving his arms, the cruel irons he wore under his gown could be heard clanking.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Father Pa&#239;ssy paused in his reading, stepped forward and stood before him waiting.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What have you come for, worthy Father? Why do you offend against good order? Why do you disturb the peace of the flock?&#8221; he said at last, looking sternly at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What have I come for? You ask why? What is your faith?&#8221; shouted Father Ferapont crazily. &#8220;I've come here to drive out your visitors, the unclean devils. I've come to see how many have gathered here while I have been away. I want to sweep them out with a birch broom.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You cast out the evil spirit, but perhaps you are serving him yourself,&#8221; Father Pa&#239;ssy went on fearlessly. &#8220;And who can say of himself &#8216;I am holy'? Can you, Father?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am unclean, not holy. I would not sit in an arm-chair and would not have them bow down to me as an idol,&#8221; thundered Father Ferapont. &#8220;Nowadays folk destroy the true faith. The dead man, your saint,&#8221; he turned to the crowd, pointing with his finger to the coffin, &#8220;did not believe in devils. He gave medicine to keep off the devils. And so they have become as common as spiders in the corners. And now he has begun to stink himself. In that we see a great sign from God.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The incident he referred to was this. One of the monks was haunted in his dreams and, later on, in waking moments, by visions of evil spirits. When in the utmost terror he confided this to Father Zossima, the elder had advised continual prayer and rigid fasting. But when that was of no use, he advised him, while persisting in prayer and fasting, to take a special medicine. Many persons were shocked at the time and wagged their heads as they talked over it&#8212;and most of all Father Ferapont, to whom some of the censorious had hastened to report this &#8220;extraordinary&#8221; counsel on the part of the elder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go away, Father!&#8221; said Father Pa&#239;ssy, in a commanding voice, &#8220;it's not for man to judge but for God. Perhaps we see here a &#8216;sign' which neither you, nor I, nor anyone of us is able to comprehend. Go, Father, and do not trouble the flock!&#8221; he repeated impressively.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He did not keep the fasts according to the rule and therefore the sign has come. That is clear and it's a sin to hide it,&#8221; the fanatic, carried away by a zeal that outstripped his reason, would not be quieted. &#8220;He was seduced by sweetmeats, ladies brought them to him in their pockets, he sipped tea, he worshiped his belly, filling it with sweet things and his mind with haughty thoughts.... And for this he is put to shame....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You speak lightly, Father.&#8221; Father Pa&#239;ssy, too, raised his voice. &#8220;I admire your fasting and severities, but you speak lightly like some frivolous youth, fickle and childish. Go away, Father, I command you!&#8221; Father Pa&#239;ssy thundered in conclusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will go,&#8221; said Ferapont, seeming somewhat taken aback, but still as bitter. &#8220;You learned men! You are so clever you look down upon my humbleness. I came hither with little learning and here I have forgotten what I did know, God Himself has preserved me in my weakness from your subtlety.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Father Pa&#239;ssy stood over him, waiting resolutely. Father Ferapont paused and, suddenly leaning his cheek on his hand despondently, pronounced in a sing-song voice, looking at the coffin of the dead elder:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To-morrow they will sing over him &#8216;Our Helper and Defender'&#8212;a splendid anthem&#8212;and over me when I die all they'll sing will be &#8216;What earthly joy'&#8212;a little canticle,&#8221;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb24&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;&#8216;What earthly joy'&#8212;&#8211; when a monk's body is carried out from the cell to the (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh24&#034;&gt;24&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; he added with tearful regret. &#8220;You are proud and puffed up, this is a vain place!&#8221; he shouted suddenly like a madman, and with a wave of his hand he turned quickly and quickly descended the steps. The crowd awaiting him below wavered; some followed him at once and some lingered, for the cell was still open, and Father Pa&#239;ssy, following Father Ferapont on to the steps, stood watching him. But the excited old fanatic was not completely silenced. Walking twenty steps away, he suddenly turned towards the setting sun, raised both his arms and, as though some one had cut him down, fell to the ground with a loud scream.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My God has conquered! Christ has conquered the setting sun!&#8221; he shouted frantically, stretching up his hands to the sun, and falling face downwards on the ground, he sobbed like a little child, shaken by his tears and spreading out his arms on the ground. Then all rushed up to him; there were exclamations and sympathetic sobs ... a kind of frenzy seemed to take possession of them all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is the one who is a saint! This is the one who is a holy man!&#8221; some cried aloud, losing their fear. &#8220;This is he who should be an elder,&#8221; others added malignantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He wouldn't be an elder ... he would refuse ... he wouldn't serve a cursed innovation ... he wouldn't imitate their foolery,&#8221; other voices chimed in at once. And it is hard to say how far they might have gone, but at that moment the bell rang summoning them to service. All began crossing themselves at once. Father Ferapont, too, got up and crossing himself went back to his cell without looking round, still uttering exclamations which were utterly incoherent. A few followed him, but the greater number dispersed, hastening to service. Father Pa&#239;ssy let Father Iosif read in his place and went down. The frantic outcries of bigots could not shake him, but his heart was suddenly filled with melancholy for some special reason and he felt that. He stood still and suddenly wondered, &#8220;Why am I sad even to dejection?&#8221; and immediately grasped with surprise that his sudden sadness was due to a very small and special cause. In the crowd thronging at the entrance to the cell, he had noticed Alyosha and he remembered that he had felt at once a pang at heart on seeing him. &#8220;Can that boy mean so much to my heart now?&#8221; he asked himself, wondering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that moment Alyosha passed him, hurrying away, but not in the direction of the church. Their eyes met. Alyosha quickly turned away his eyes and dropped them to the ground, and from the boy's look alone, Father Pa&#239;ssy guessed what a great change was taking place in him at that moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you, too, fallen into temptation?&#8221; cried Father Pa&#239;ssy. &#8220;Can you be with those of little faith?&#8221; he added mournfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha stood still and gazed vaguely at Father Pa&#239;ssy, but quickly turned his eyes away again and again looked on the ground. He stood sideways and did not turn his face to Father Pa&#239;ssy, who watched him attentively.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where are you hastening? The bell calls to service,&#8221; he asked again, but again Alyosha gave no answer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you leaving the hermitage? What, without asking leave, without asking a blessing?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha suddenly gave a wry smile, cast a strange, very strange, look at the Father to whom his former guide, the former sovereign of his heart and mind, his beloved elder, had confided him as he lay dying. And suddenly, still without speaking, waved his hand, as though not caring even to be respectful, and with rapid steps walked towards the gates away from the hermitage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You will come back again!&#8221; murmured Father Pa&#239;ssy, looking after him with sorrowful surprise.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II. A CRITICAL MOMENT&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Father Pa&#239;ssy, of course, was not wrong when he decided that his &#8220;dear boy&#8221; would come back again. Perhaps indeed, to some extent, he penetrated with insight into the true meaning of Alyosha's spiritual condition. Yet I must frankly own that it would be very difficult for me to give a clear account of that strange, vague moment in the life of the young hero I love so much. To Father Pa&#239;ssy's sorrowful question, &#8220;Are you too with those of little faith?&#8221; I could of course confidently answer for Alyosha, &#8220;No, he is not with those of little faith. Quite the contrary.&#8221; Indeed, all his trouble came from the fact that he was of great faith. But still the trouble was there and was so agonizing that even long afterwards Alyosha thought of that sorrowful day as one of the bitterest and most fatal days of his life. If the question is asked: &#8220;Could all his grief and disturbance have been only due to the fact that his elder's body had shown signs of premature decomposition instead of at once performing miracles?&#8221; I must answer without beating about the bush, &#8220;Yes, it certainly was.&#8221; I would only beg the reader not to be in too great a hurry to laugh at my young hero's pure heart. I am far from intending to apologize for him or to justify his innocent faith on the ground of his youth, or the little progress he had made in his studies, or any such reason. I must declare, on the contrary, that I have genuine respect for the qualities of his heart. No doubt a youth who received impressions cautiously, whose love was lukewarm, and whose mind was too prudent for his age and so of little value, such a young man might, I admit, have avoided what happened to my hero. But in some cases it is really more creditable to be carried away by an emotion, however unreasonable, which springs from a great love, than to be unmoved. And this is even truer in youth, for a young man who is always sensible is to be suspected and is of little worth&#8212;that's my opinion!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But,&#8221; reasonable people will exclaim perhaps, &#8220;every young man cannot believe in such a superstition and your hero is no model for others.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To this I reply again, &#8220;Yes! my hero had faith, a faith holy and steadfast, but still I am not going to apologize for him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though I declared above, and perhaps too hastily, that I should not explain or justify my hero, I see that some explanation is necessary for the understanding of the rest of my story. Let me say then, it was not a question of miracles. There was no frivolous and impatient expectation of miracles in his mind. And Alyosha needed no miracles at the time, for the triumph of some preconceived idea&#8212;oh, no, not at all&#8212;what he saw before all was one figure&#8212;the figure of his beloved elder, the figure of that holy man whom he revered with such adoration. The fact is that all the love that lay concealed in his pure young heart for every one and everything had, for the past year, been concentrated&#8212;and perhaps wrongly so&#8212;on one being, his beloved elder. It is true that being had for so long been accepted by him as his ideal, that all his young strength and energy could not but turn towards that ideal, even to the forgetting at the moment &#8220;of every one and everything.&#8221; He remembered afterwards how, on that terrible day, he had entirely forgotten his brother Dmitri, about whom he had been so anxious and troubled the day before; he had forgotten, too, to take the two hundred roubles to Ilusha's father, though he had so warmly intended to do so the preceding evening. But again it was not miracles he needed but only &#8220;the higher justice&#8221; which had been in his belief outraged by the blow that had so suddenly and cruelly wounded his heart. And what does it signify that this &#8220;justice&#8221; looked for by Alyosha inevitably took the shape of miracles to be wrought immediately by the ashes of his adored teacher? Why, every one in the monastery cherished the same thought and the same hope, even those whose intellects Alyosha revered, Father Pa&#239;ssy himself, for instance. And so Alyosha, untroubled by doubts, clothed his dreams too in the same form as all the rest. And a whole year of life in the monastery had formed the habit of this expectation in his heart. But it was justice, justice, he thirsted for, not simply miracles.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And now the man who should, he believed, have been exalted above every one in the whole world, that man, instead of receiving the glory that was his due, was suddenly degraded and dishonored! What for? Who had judged him? Who could have decreed this? Those were the questions that wrung his inexperienced and virginal heart. He could not endure without mortification, without resentment even, that the holiest of holy men should have been exposed to the jeering and spiteful mockery of the frivolous crowd so inferior to him. Even had there been no miracles, had there been nothing marvelous to justify his hopes, why this indignity, why this humiliation, why this premature decay, &#8220;in excess of nature,&#8221; as the spiteful monks said? Why this &#8220;sign from heaven,&#8221; which they so triumphantly acclaimed in company with Father Ferapont, and why did they believe they had gained the right to acclaim it? Where is the finger of Providence? Why did Providence hide its face &#8220;at the most critical moment&#8221; (so Alyosha thought it), as though voluntarily submitting to the blind, dumb, pitiless laws of nature?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That was why Alyosha's heart was bleeding, and, of course, as I have said already, the sting of it all was that the man he loved above everything on earth should be put to shame and humiliated! This murmuring may have been shallow and unreasonable in my hero, but I repeat again for the third time&#8212;and am prepared to admit that it might be difficult to defend my feeling&#8212;I am glad that my hero showed himself not too reasonable at that moment, for any man of sense will always come back to reason in time, but, if love does not gain the upper hand in a boy's heart at such an exceptional moment, when will it? I will not, however, omit to mention something strange, which came for a time to the surface of Alyosha's mind at this fatal and obscure moment. This new something was the harassing impression left by the conversation with Ivan, which now persistently haunted Alyosha's mind. At this moment it haunted him. Oh, it was not that something of the fundamental, elemental, so to speak, faith of his soul had been shaken. He loved his God and believed in Him steadfastly, though he was suddenly murmuring against Him. Yet a vague but tormenting and evil impression left by his conversation with Ivan the day before, suddenly revived again now in his soul and seemed forcing its way to the surface of his consciousness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It had begun to get dusk when Rakitin, crossing the pine copse from the hermitage to the monastery, suddenly noticed Alyosha, lying face downwards on the ground under a tree, not moving and apparently asleep. He went up and called him by his name.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You here, Alexey? Can you have&#8212;&#8221; he began wondering but broke off. He had meant to say, &#8220;Can you have come to this?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha did not look at him, but from a slight movement Rakitin at once saw that he heard and understood him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's the matter?&#8221; he went on; but the surprise in his face gradually passed into a smile that became more and more ironical.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I say, I've been looking for you for the last two hours. You suddenly disappeared. What are you about? What foolery is this? You might just look at me...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha raised his head, sat up and leaned his back against the tree. He was not crying, but there was a look of suffering and irritability in his face. He did not look at Rakitin, however, but looked away to one side of him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know your face is quite changed? There's none of your famous mildness to be seen in it. Are you angry with some one? Have they been ill-treating you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let me alone,&#8221; said Alyosha suddenly, with a weary gesture of his hand, still looking away from him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oho! So that's how we are feeling! So you can shout at people like other mortals. That is a come-down from the angels. I say, Alyosha, you have surprised me, do you hear? I mean it. It's long since I've been surprised at anything here. I always took you for an educated man....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha at last looked at him, but vaguely, as though scarcely understanding what he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Can you really be so upset simply because your old man has begun to stink? You don't mean to say you seriously believed that he was going to work miracles?&#8221; exclaimed Rakitin, genuinely surprised again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I believed, I believe, I want to believe, and I will believe, what more do you want?&#8221; cried Alyosha irritably.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing at all, my boy. Damn it all! why, no schoolboy of thirteen believes in that now. But there.... So now you are in a temper with your God, you are rebelling against Him; He hasn't given promotion, He hasn't bestowed the order of merit! Eh, you are a set!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha gazed a long while with his eyes half closed at Rakitin, and there was a sudden gleam in his eyes ... but not of anger with Rakitin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am not rebelling against my God; I simply &#8216;don't accept His world.' &#8221; Alyosha suddenly smiled a forced smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you mean, you don't accept the world?&#8221; Rakitin thought a moment over his answer. &#8220;What idiocy is this?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha did not answer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, enough nonsense, now to business. Have you had anything to eat to-day?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't remember.... I think I have.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You need keeping up, to judge by your face. It makes one sorry to look at you. You didn't sleep all night either, I hear, you had a meeting in there. And then all this bobbery afterwards. Most likely you've had nothing to eat but a mouthful of holy bread. I've got some sausage in my pocket; I've brought it from the town in case of need, only you won't eat sausage....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give me some.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I say! You are going it! Why, it's a regular mutiny, with barricades! Well, my boy, we must make the most of it. Come to my place.... I shouldn't mind a drop of vodka myself, I am tired to death. Vodka is going too far for you, I suppose ... or would you like some?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give me some vodka too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hullo! You surprise me, brother!&#8221; Rakitin looked at him in amazement. &#8220;Well, one way or another, vodka or sausage, this is a jolly fine chance and mustn't be missed. Come along.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha got up in silence and followed Rakitin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If your little brother Ivan could see this&#8212;wouldn't he be surprised! By the way, your brother Ivan set off to Moscow this morning, did you know?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; answered Alyosha listlessly, and suddenly the image of his brother Dmitri rose before his mind. But only for a minute, and though it reminded him of something that must not be put off for a moment, some duty, some terrible obligation, even that reminder made no impression on him, did not reach his heart and instantly faded out of his mind and was forgotten. But, a long while afterwards, Alyosha remembered this.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your brother Ivan declared once that I was a &#8216;liberal booby with no talents whatsoever.' Once you, too, could not resist letting me know I was &#8216;dishonorable.' Well! I should like to see what your talents and sense of honor will do for you now.&#8221; This phrase Rakitin finished to himself in a whisper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen!&#8221; he said aloud, &#8220;let's go by the path beyond the monastery straight to the town. Hm! I ought to go to Madame Hohlakov's by the way. Only fancy, I've written to tell her everything that happened, and would you believe it, she answered me instantly in pencil (the lady has a passion for writing notes) that &#8216;she would never have expected &lt;i&gt;such conduct&lt;/i&gt; from a man of such a reverend character as Father Zossima.' That was her very word: &#8216;conduct.' She is angry too. Eh, you are a set! Stay!&#8221; he cried suddenly again. He suddenly stopped and taking Alyosha by the shoulder made him stop too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know, Alyosha,&#8221; he peeped inquisitively into his eyes, absorbed in a sudden new thought which had dawned on him, and though he was laughing outwardly he was evidently afraid to utter that new idea aloud, so difficult he still found it to believe in the strange and unexpected mood in which he now saw Alyosha. &#8220;Alyosha, do you know where we had better go?&#8221; he brought out at last timidly, and insinuatingly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't care ... where you like.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let's go to Grushenka, eh? Will you come?&#8221; pronounced Rakitin at last, trembling with timid suspense.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let's go to Grushenka,&#8221; Alyosha answered calmly, at once, and this prompt and calm agreement was such a surprise to Rakitin that he almost started back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well! I say!&#8221; he cried in amazement, but seizing Alyosha firmly by the arm he led him along the path, still dreading that he would change his mind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They walked along in silence, Rakitin was positively afraid to talk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And how glad she will be, how delighted!&#8221; he muttered, but lapsed into silence again. And indeed it was not to please Grushenka he was taking Alyosha to her. He was a practical person and never undertook anything without a prospect of gain for himself. His object in this case was twofold, first a revengeful desire to see &#8220;the downfall of the righteous,&#8221; and Alyosha's fall &#8220;from the saints to the sinners,&#8221; over which he was already gloating in his imagination, and in the second place he had in view a certain material gain for himself, of which more will be said later.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So the critical moment has come,&#8221; he thought to himself with spiteful glee, &#8220;and we shall catch it on the hop, for it's just what we want.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III. AN ONION&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Grushenka lived in the busiest part of the town, near the cathedral square, in a small wooden lodge in the courtyard belonging to the house of the widow Morozov. The house was a large stone building of two stories, old and very ugly. The widow led a secluded life with her two unmarried nieces, who were also elderly women. She had no need to let her lodge, but every one knew that she had taken in Grushenka as a lodger, four years before, solely to please her kinsman, the merchant Samsonov, who was known to be the girl's protector. It was said that the jealous old man's object in placing his &#8220;favorite&#8221; with the widow Morozov was that the old woman should keep a sharp eye on her new lodger's conduct. But this sharp eye soon proved to be unnecessary, and in the end the widow Morozov seldom met Grushenka and did not worry her by looking after her in any way. It is true that four years had passed since the old man had brought the slim, delicate, shy, timid, dreamy, and sad girl of eighteen from the chief town of the province, and much had happened since then. Little was known of the girl's history in the town and that little was vague. Nothing more had been learnt during the last four years, even after many persons had become interested in the beautiful young woman into whom Agrafena Alexandrovna had meanwhile developed. There were rumors that she had been at seventeen betrayed by some one, some sort of officer, and immediately afterwards abandoned by him. The officer had gone away and afterwards married, while Grushenka had been left in poverty and disgrace. It was said, however, that though Grushenka had been raised from destitution by the old man, Samsonov, she came of a respectable family belonging to the clerical class, that she was the daughter of a deacon or something of the sort.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And now after four years the sensitive, injured and pathetic little orphan had become a plump, rosy beauty of the Russian type, a woman of bold and determined character, proud and insolent. She had a good head for business, was acquisitive, saving and careful, and by fair means or foul had succeeded, it was said, in amassing a little fortune. There was only one point on which all were agreed. Grushenka was not easily to be approached and except her aged protector there had not been one man who could boast of her favors during those four years. It was a positive fact, for there had been a good many, especially during the last two years, who had attempted to obtain those favors. But all their efforts had been in vain and some of these suitors had been forced to beat an undignified and even comic retreat, owing to the firm and ironical resistance they met from the strong-willed young person. It was known, too, that the young person had, especially of late, been given to what is called &#8220;speculation,&#8221; and that she had shown marked abilities in that direction, so that many people began to say that she was no better than a Jew. It was not that she lent money on interest, but it was known, for instance, that she had for some time past, in partnership with old Karamazov, actually invested in the purchase of bad debts for a trifle, a tenth of their nominal value, and afterwards had made out of them ten times their value.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old widower Samsonov, a man of large fortune, was stingy and merciless. He tyrannized over his grown-up sons, but, for the last year during which he had been ill and lost the use of his swollen legs, he had fallen greatly under the influence of his prot&#233;g&#233;e, whom he had at first kept strictly and in humble surroundings, &#8220;on Lenten fare,&#8221; as the wits said at the time. But Grushenka had succeeded in emancipating herself, while she established in him a boundless belief in her fidelity. The old man, now long since dead, had had a large business in his day and was also a noteworthy character, miserly and hard as flint. Though Grushenka's hold upon him was so strong that he could not live without her (it had been so especially for the last two years), he did not settle any considerable fortune on her and would not have been moved to do so, if she had threatened to leave him. But he had presented her with a small sum, and even that was a surprise to every one when it became known.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are a wench with brains,&#8221; he said to her, when he gave her eight thousand roubles, &#8220;and you must look after yourself, but let me tell you that except your yearly allowance as before, you'll get nothing more from me to the day of my death, and I'll leave you nothing in my will either.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he kept his word; he died and left everything to his sons, whom, with their wives and children, he had treated all his life as servants. Grushenka was not even mentioned in his will. All this became known afterwards. He helped Grushenka with his advice to increase her capital and put business in her way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Fyodor Pavlovitch, who first came into contact with Grushenka over a piece of speculation, ended to his own surprise by falling madly in love with her, old Samsonov, gravely ill as he was, was immensely amused. It is remarkable that throughout their whole acquaintance Grushenka was absolutely and spontaneously open with the old man, and he seems to have been the only person in the world with whom she was so. Of late, when Dmitri too had come on the scene with his love, the old man left off laughing. On the contrary, he once gave Grushenka a stern and earnest piece of advice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you have to choose between the two, father or son, you'd better choose the old man, if only you make sure the old scoundrel will marry you and settle some fortune on you beforehand. But don't keep on with the captain, you'll get no good out of that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
These were the very words of the old profligate, who felt already that his death was not far off and who actually died five months later.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I will note, too, in passing, that although many in our town knew of the grotesque and monstrous rivalry of the Karamazovs, father and son, the object of which was Grushenka, scarcely anyone understood what really underlay her attitude to both of them. Even Grushenka's two servants (after the catastrophe of which we will speak later) testified in court that she received Dmitri Fyodorovitch simply from fear because &#8220;he threatened to murder her.&#8221; These servants were an old cook, invalidish and almost deaf, who came from Grushenka's old home, and her granddaughter, a smart young girl of twenty, who performed the duties of a maid. Grushenka lived very economically and her surroundings were anything but luxurious. Her lodge consisted of three rooms furnished with mahogany furniture in the fashion of 1820, belonging to her landlady.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was quite dark when Rakitin and Alyosha entered her rooms, yet they were not lighted up. Grushenka was lying down in her drawing-room on the big, hard, clumsy sofa, with a mahogany back. The sofa was covered with shabby and ragged leather. Under her head she had two white down pillows taken from her bed. She was lying stretched out motionless on her back with her hands behind her head. She was dressed as though expecting some one, in a black silk dress, with a dainty lace fichu on her head, which was very becoming. Over her shoulders was thrown a lace shawl pinned with a massive gold brooch. She certainly was expecting some one. She lay as though impatient and weary, her face rather pale and her lips and eyes hot, restlessly tapping the arm of the sofa with the tip of her right foot. The appearance of Rakitin and Alyosha caused a slight excitement. From the hall they could hear Grushenka leap up from the sofa and cry out in a frightened voice, &#8220;Who's there?&#8221; But the maid met the visitors and at once called back to her mistress.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not he, it's nothing, only other visitors.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What can be the matter?&#8221; muttered Rakitin, leading Alyosha into the drawing-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grushenka was standing by the sofa as though still alarmed. A thick coil of her dark brown hair escaped from its lace covering and fell on her right shoulder, but she did not notice it and did not put it back till she had gazed at her visitors and recognized them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, it's you, Rakitin? You quite frightened me. Whom have you brought? Who is this with you? Good heavens, you have brought him!&#8221; she exclaimed, recognizing Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do send for candles!&#8221; said Rakitin, with the free-and-easy air of a most intimate friend, who is privileged to give orders in the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Candles ... of course, candles.... Fenya, fetch him a candle.... Well, you have chosen a moment to bring him!&#8221; she exclaimed again, nodding towards Alyosha, and turning to the looking-glass she began quickly fastening up her hair with both hands. She seemed displeased.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Haven't I managed to please you?&#8221; asked Rakitin, instantly almost offended.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You frightened me, Rakitin, that's what it is.&#8221; Grushenka turned with a smile to Alyosha. &#8220;Don't be afraid of me, my dear Alyosha, you cannot think how glad I am to see you, my unexpected visitor. But you frightened me, Rakitin, I thought it was Mitya breaking in. You see, I deceived him just now, I made him promise to believe me and I told him a lie. I told him that I was going to spend the evening with my old man, Kuzma Kuzmitch, and should be there till late counting up his money. I always spend one whole evening a week with him making up his accounts. We lock ourselves in and he counts on the reckoning beads while I sit and put things down in the book. I am the only person he trusts. Mitya believes that I am there, but I came back and have been sitting locked in here, expecting some news. How was it Fenya let you in? Fenya, Fenya, run out to the gate, open it and look about whether the captain is to be seen! Perhaps he is hiding and spying, I am dreadfully frightened.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's no one there, Agrafena Alexandrovna, I've just looked out, I keep running to peep through the crack, I am in fear and trembling myself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are the shutters fastened, Fenya? And we must draw the curtains&#8212;that's better!&#8221; She drew the heavy curtains herself. &#8220;He'd rush in at once if he saw a light. I am afraid of your brother Mitya to-day, Alyosha.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grushenka spoke aloud, and, though she was alarmed, she seemed very happy about something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are you so afraid of Mitya to-day?&#8221; inquired Rakitin. &#8220;I should have thought you were not timid with him, you'd twist him round your little finger.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I tell you, I am expecting news, priceless news, so I don't want Mitya at all. And he didn't believe, I feel he didn't, that I should stay at Kuzma Kuzmitch's. He must be in his ambush now, behind Fyodor Pavlovitch's, in the garden, watching for me. And if he's there, he won't come here, so much the better! But I really have been to Kuzma Kuzmitch's, Mitya escorted me there. I told him I should stay there till midnight, and I asked him to be sure to come at midnight to fetch me home. He went away and I sat ten minutes with Kuzma Kuzmitch and came back here again. Ugh, I was afraid, I ran for fear of meeting him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And why are you so dressed up? What a curious cap you've got on!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How curious you are yourself, Rakitin! I tell you, I am expecting a message. If the message comes, I shall fly, I shall gallop away and you will see no more of me. That's why I am dressed up, so as to be ready.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And where are you flying to?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you know too much, you'll get old too soon.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Upon my word! You are highly delighted ... I've never seen you like this before. You are dressed up as if you were going to a ball.&#8221; Rakitin looked her up and down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Much you know about balls.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And do you know much about them?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have seen a ball. The year before last, Kuzma Kuzmitch's son was married and I looked on from the gallery. Do you suppose I want to be talking to you, Rakitin, while a prince like this is standing here. Such a visitor! Alyosha, my dear boy, I gaze at you and can't believe my eyes. Good heavens, can you have come here to see me! To tell you the truth, I never had a thought of seeing you and I didn't think that you would ever come and see me. Though this is not the moment now, I am awfully glad to see you. Sit down on the sofa, here, that's right, my bright young moon. I really can't take it in even now.... Eh, Rakitin, if only you had brought him yesterday or the day before! But I am glad as it is! Perhaps it's better he has come now, at such a moment, and not the day before yesterday.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She gayly sat down beside Alyosha on the sofa, looking at him with positive delight. And she really was glad, she was not lying when she said so. Her eyes glowed, her lips laughed, but it was a good-hearted merry laugh. Alyosha had not expected to see such a kind expression in her face.... He had hardly met her till the day before, he had formed an alarming idea of her, and had been horribly distressed the day before by the spiteful and treacherous trick she had played on Katerina Ivanovna. He was greatly surprised to find her now altogether different from what he had expected. And, crushed as he was by his own sorrow, his eyes involuntarily rested on her with attention. Her whole manner seemed changed for the better since yesterday, there was scarcely any trace of that mawkish sweetness in her speech, of that voluptuous softness in her movements. Everything was simple and good-natured, her gestures were rapid, direct, confiding, but she was greatly excited.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dear me, how everything comes together to-day!&#8221; she chattered on again. &#8220;And why I am so glad to see you, Alyosha, I couldn't say myself! If you ask me, I couldn't tell you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, don't you know why you're glad?&#8221; said Rakitin, grinning. &#8220;You used to be always pestering me to bring him, you'd some object, I suppose.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I had a different object once, but now that's over, this is not the moment. I say, I want you to have something nice. I am so good-natured now. You sit down, too, Rakitin; why are you standing? You've sat down already? There's no fear of Rakitin's forgetting to look after himself. Look, Alyosha, he's sitting there opposite us, so offended that I didn't ask him to sit down before you. Ugh, Rakitin is such a one to take offense!&#8221; laughed Grushenka. &#8220;Don't be angry, Rakitin, I'm kind to-day. Why are you so depressed, Alyosha? Are you afraid of me?&#8221; She peeped into his eyes with merry mockery&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's sad. The promotion has not been given,&#8221; boomed Rakitin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What promotion?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;His elder stinks.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What? You are talking some nonsense, you want to say something nasty. Be quiet, you stupid! Let me sit on your knee, Alyosha, like this.&#8221; She suddenly skipped forward and jumped, laughing, on his knee, like a nestling kitten, with her right arm about his neck. &#8220;I'll cheer you up, my pious boy. Yes, really, will you let me sit on your knee? You won't be angry? If you tell me, I'll get off?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha did not speak. He sat afraid to move, he heard her words, &#8220;If you tell me, I'll get off,&#8221; but he did not answer. But there was nothing in his heart such as Rakitin, for instance, watching him malignantly from his corner, might have expected or fancied. The great grief in his heart swallowed up every sensation that might have been aroused, and, if only he could have thought clearly at that moment, he would have realized that he had now the strongest armor to protect him from every lust and temptation. Yet in spite of the vague irresponsiveness of his spiritual condition and the sorrow that overwhelmed him, he could not help wondering at a new and strange sensation in his heart. This woman, this &#8220;dreadful&#8221; woman, had no terror for him now, none of that terror that had stirred in his soul at any passing thought of woman. On the contrary, this woman, dreaded above all women, sitting now on his knee, holding him in her arms, aroused in him now a quite different, unexpected, peculiar feeling, a feeling of the intensest and purest interest without a trace of fear, of his former terror. That was what instinctively surprised him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've talked nonsense enough,&#8221; cried Rakitin, &#8220;you'd much better give us some champagne. You owe it me, you know you do!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I really do. Do you know, Alyosha, I promised him champagne on the top of everything, if he'd bring you? I'll have some too! Fenya, Fenya, bring us the bottle Mitya left! Look sharp! Though I am so stingy, I'll stand a bottle, not for you, Rakitin, you're a toadstool, but he is a falcon! And though my heart is full of something very different, so be it, I'll drink with you. I long for some dissipation.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what is the matter with you? And what is this message, may I ask, or is it a secret?&#8221; Rakitin put in inquisitively, doing his best to pretend not to notice the snubs that were being continually aimed at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ech, it's not a secret, and you know it, too,&#8221; Grushenka said, in a voice suddenly anxious, turning her head towards Rakitin, and drawing a little away from Alyosha, though she still sat on his knee with her arm round his neck. &#8220;My officer is coming, Rakitin, my officer is coming.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I heard he was coming, but is he so near?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is at Mokroe now; he'll send a messenger from there, so he wrote; I got a letter from him to-day. I am expecting the messenger every minute.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't say so! Why at Mokroe?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's a long story, I've told you enough.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mitya'll be up to something now&#8212;I say! Does he know or doesn't he?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He know! Of course he doesn't. If he knew, there would be murder. But I am not afraid of that now, I am not afraid of his knife. Be quiet, Rakitin, don't remind me of Dmitri Fyodorovitch, he has bruised my heart. And I don't want to think of that at this moment. I can think of Alyosha here, I can look at Alyosha ... smile at me, dear, cheer up, smile at my foolishness, at my pleasure.... Ah, he's smiling, he's smiling! How kindly he looks at me! And you know, Alyosha, I've been thinking all this time you were angry with me, because of the day before yesterday, because of that young lady. I was a cur, that's the truth.... But it's a good thing it happened so. It was a horrid thing, but a good thing too.&#8221; Grushenka smiled dreamily and a little cruel line showed in her smile. &#8220;Mitya told me that she screamed out that I &#8216;ought to be flogged.' I did insult her dreadfully. She sent for me, she wanted to make a conquest of me, to win me over with her chocolate.... No, it's a good thing it did end like that.&#8221; She smiled again. &#8220;But I am still afraid of your being angry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that's really true,&#8221; Rakitin put in suddenly with genuine surprise. &#8220;Alyosha, she is really afraid of a chicken like you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is a chicken to you, Rakitin ... because you've no conscience, that's what it is! You see, I love him with all my soul, that's how it is! Alyosha, do you believe I love you with all my soul?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, you shameless woman! She is making you a declaration, Alexey!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what of it, I love him!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what about your officer? And the priceless message from Mokroe?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is quite different.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's a woman's way of looking at it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't you make me angry, Rakitin.&#8221; Grushenka caught him up hotly. &#8220;This is quite different. I love Alyosha in a different way. It's true, Alyosha, I had sly designs on you before. For I am a horrid, violent creature. But at other times I've looked upon you, Alyosha, as my conscience. I've kept thinking &#8216;how anyone like that must despise a nasty thing like me.' I thought that the day before yesterday, as I ran home from the young lady's. I have thought of you a long time in that way, Alyosha, and Mitya knows, I've talked to him about it. Mitya understands. Would you believe it, I sometimes look at you and feel ashamed, utterly ashamed of myself.... And how, and since when, I began to think about you like that, I can't say, I don't remember....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fenya came in and put a tray with an uncorked bottle and three glasses of champagne on the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here's the champagne!&#8221; cried Rakitin. &#8220;You're excited, Agrafena Alexandrovna, and not yourself. When you've had a glass of champagne, you'll be ready to dance. Eh, they can't even do that properly,&#8221; he added, looking at the bottle. &#8220;The old woman's poured it out in the kitchen and the bottle's been brought in warm and without a cork. Well, let me have some, anyway.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He went up to the table, took a glass, emptied it at one gulp and poured himself out another.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One doesn't often stumble upon champagne,&#8221; he said, licking his lips. &#8220;Now, Alyosha, take a glass, show what you can do! What shall we drink to? The gates of paradise? Take a glass, Grushenka, you drink to the gates of paradise, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What gates of paradise?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She took a glass, Alyosha took his, tasted it and put it back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I'd better not,&#8221; he smiled gently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you bragged!&#8221; cried Rakitin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, if so, I won't either,&#8221; chimed in Grushenka, &#8220;I really don't want any. You can drink the whole bottle alone, Rakitin. If Alyosha has some, I will.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What touching sentimentality!&#8221; said Rakitin tauntingly; &#8220;and she's sitting on his knee, too! He's got something to grieve over, but what's the matter with you? He is rebelling against his God and ready to eat sausage....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How so?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;His elder died to-day, Father Zossima, the saint.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So Father Zossima is dead,&#8221; cried Grushenka. &#8220;Good God, I did not know!&#8221; She crossed herself devoutly. &#8220;Goodness, what have I been doing, sitting on his knee like this at such a moment!&#8221; She started up as though in dismay, instantly slipped off his knee and sat down on the sofa.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha bent a long wondering look upon her and a light seemed to dawn in his face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Rakitin,&#8221; he said suddenly, in a firm and loud voice; &#8220;don't taunt me with having rebelled against God. I don't want to feel angry with you, so you must be kinder, too, I've lost a treasure such as you have never had, and you cannot judge me now. You had much better look at her&#8212;do you see how she has pity on me? I came here to find a wicked soul&#8212;I felt drawn to evil because I was base and evil myself, and I've found a true sister, I have found a treasure&#8212;a loving heart. She had pity on me just now.... Agrafena Alexandrovna, I am speaking of you. You've raised my soul from the depths.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha's lips were quivering and he caught his breath.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She has saved you, it seems,&#8221; laughed Rakitin spitefully. &#8220;And she meant to get you in her clutches, do you realize that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay, Rakitin.&#8221; Grushenka jumped up. &#8220;Hush, both of you. Now I'll tell you all about it. Hush, Alyosha, your words make me ashamed, for I am bad and not good&#8212;that's what I am. And you hush, Rakitin, because you are telling lies. I had the low idea of trying to get him in my clutches, but now you are lying, now it's all different. And don't let me hear anything more from you, Rakitin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All this Grushenka said with extreme emotion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They are both crazy,&#8221; said Rakitin, looking at them with amazement. &#8220;I feel as though I were in a madhouse. They're both getting so feeble they'll begin crying in a minute.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall begin to cry, I shall,&#8221; repeated Grushenka. &#8220;He called me his sister and I shall never forget that. Only let me tell you, Rakitin, though I am bad, I did give away an onion.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;An onion? Hang it all, you really are crazy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Rakitin wondered at their enthusiasm. He was aggrieved and annoyed, though he might have reflected that each of them was just passing through a spiritual crisis such as does not come often in a lifetime. But though Rakitin was very sensitive about everything that concerned himself, he was very obtuse as regards the feelings and sensations of others&#8212;partly from his youth and inexperience, partly from his intense egoism.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see, Alyosha,&#8221; Grushenka turned to him with a nervous laugh. &#8220;I was boasting when I told Rakitin I had given away an onion, but it's not to boast I tell you about it. It's only a story, but it's a nice story. I used to hear it when I was a child from Matryona, my cook, who is still with me. It's like this. Once upon a time there was a peasant woman and a very wicked woman she was. And she died and did not leave a single good deed behind. The devils caught her and plunged her into the lake of fire. So her guardian angel stood and wondered what good deed of hers he could remember to tell to God; &#8216;She once pulled up an onion in her garden,' said he, &#8216;and gave it to a beggar woman.' And God answered: &#8216;You take that onion then, hold it out to her in the lake, and let her take hold and be pulled out. And if you can pull her out of the lake, let her come to Paradise, but if the onion breaks, then the woman must stay where she is.' The angel ran to the woman and held out the onion to her. &#8216;Come,' said he, &#8216;catch hold and I'll pull you out.' And he began cautiously pulling her out. He had just pulled her right out, when the other sinners in the lake, seeing how she was being drawn out, began catching hold of her so as to be pulled out with her. But she was a very wicked woman and she began kicking them. &#8216;I'm to be pulled out, not you. It's my onion, not yours.' As soon as she said that, the onion broke. And the woman fell into the lake and she is burning there to this day. So the angel wept and went away. So that's the story, Alyosha; I know it by heart, for I am that wicked woman myself. I boasted to Rakitin that I had given away an onion, but to you I'll say: &#8216;I've done nothing but give away one onion all my life, that's the only good deed I've done.' So don't praise me, Alyosha, don't think me good, I am bad, I am a wicked woman and you make me ashamed if you praise me. Eh, I must confess everything. Listen, Alyosha. I was so anxious to get hold of you that I promised Rakitin twenty-five roubles if he would bring you to me. Stay, Rakitin, wait!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She went with rapid steps to the table, opened a drawer, pulled out a purse and took from it a twenty-five rouble note.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What nonsense! What nonsense!&#8221; cried Rakitin, disconcerted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Take it. Rakitin, I owe it you, there's no fear of your refusing it, you asked for it yourself.&#8221; And she threw the note to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Likely I should refuse it,&#8221; boomed Rakitin, obviously abashed, but carrying off his confusion with a swagger. &#8220;That will come in very handy; fools are made for wise men's profit.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And now hold your tongue, Rakitin, what I am going to say now is not for your ears. Sit down in that corner and keep quiet. You don't like us, so hold your tongue.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What should I like you for?&#8221; Rakitin snarled, not concealing his ill-humor. He put the twenty-five rouble note in his pocket and he felt ashamed at Alyosha's seeing it. He had reckoned on receiving his payment later, without Alyosha's knowing of it, and now, feeling ashamed, he lost his temper. Till that moment he had thought it discreet not to contradict Grushenka too flatly in spite of her snubbing, since he had something to get out of her. But now he, too, was angry:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One loves people for some reason, but what have either of you done for me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You should love people without a reason, as Alyosha does.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How does he love you? How has he shown it, that you make such a fuss about it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grushenka was standing in the middle of the room; she spoke with heat and there were hysterical notes in her voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hush, Rakitin, you know nothing about us! And don't dare to speak to me like that again. How dare you be so familiar! Sit in that corner and be quiet, as though you were my footman! And now, Alyosha, I'll tell you the whole truth, that you may see what a wretch I am! I am not talking to Rakitin, but to you. I wanted to ruin you, Alyosha, that's the holy truth; I quite meant to. I wanted to so much, that I bribed Rakitin to bring you. And why did I want to do such a thing? You knew nothing about it, Alyosha, you turned away from me; if you passed me, you dropped your eyes. And I've looked at you a hundred times before to-day; I began asking every one about you. Your face haunted my heart. &#8216;He despises me,' I thought; &#8216;he won't even look at me.' And I felt it so much at last that I wondered at myself for being so frightened of a boy. I'll get him in my clutches and laugh at him. I was full of spite and anger. Would you believe it, nobody here dares talk or think of coming to Agrafena Alexandrovna with any evil purpose. Old Kuzma is the only man I have anything to do with here; I was bound and sold to him; Satan brought us together, but there has been no one else. But looking at you, I thought, I'll get him in my clutches and laugh at him. You see what a spiteful cur I am, and you called me your sister! And now that man who wronged me has come; I sit here waiting for a message from him. And do you know what that man has been to me? Five years ago, when Kuzma brought me here, I used to shut myself up, that no one might have sight or sound of me. I was a silly slip of a girl; I used to sit here sobbing; I used to lie awake all night, thinking: &#8216;Where is he now, the man who wronged me? He is laughing at me with another woman, most likely. If only I could see him, if I could meet him again, I'd pay him out, I'd pay him out!' At night I used to lie sobbing into my pillow in the dark, and I used to brood over it; I used to tear my heart on purpose and gloat over my anger. &#8216;I'll pay him out, I'll pay him out!' That's what I used to cry out in the dark. And when I suddenly thought that I should really do nothing to him, and that he was laughing at me then, or perhaps had utterly forgotten me, I would fling myself on the floor, melt into helpless tears, and lie there shaking till dawn. In the morning I would get up more spiteful than a dog, ready to tear the whole world to pieces. And then what do you think? I began saving money, I became hard-hearted, grew stout&#8212;grew wiser, would you say? No, no one in the whole world sees it, no one knows it, but when night comes on, I sometimes lie as I did five years ago, when I was a silly girl, clenching my teeth and crying all night, thinking, &#8216;I'll pay him out, I'll pay him out!' Do you hear? Well then, now you understand me. A month ago a letter came to me&#8212;he was coming, he was a widower, he wanted to see me. It took my breath away; then I suddenly thought: &#8216;If he comes and whistles to call me, I shall creep back to him like a beaten dog.' I couldn't believe myself. Am I so abject? Shall I run to him or not? And I've been in such a rage with myself all this month that I am worse than I was five years ago. Do you see now, Alyosha, what a violent, vindictive creature I am? I have shown you the whole truth! I played with Mitya to keep me from running to that other. Hush, Rakitin, it's not for you to judge me, I am not speaking to you. Before you came in, I was lying here waiting, brooding, deciding my whole future life, and you can never know what was in my heart. Yes, Alyosha, tell your young lady not to be angry with me for what happened the day before yesterday.... Nobody in the whole world knows what I am going through now, and no one ever can know.... For perhaps I shall take a knife with me to-day, I can't make up my mind ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And at this &#8220;tragic&#8221; phrase Grushenka broke down, hid her face in her hands, flung herself on the sofa pillows, and sobbed like a little child.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha got up and went to Rakitin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Misha,&#8221; he said, &#8220;don't be angry. She wounded you, but don't be angry. You heard what she said just now? You mustn't ask too much of human endurance, one must be merciful.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha said this at the instinctive prompting of his heart. He felt obliged to speak and he turned to Rakitin. If Rakitin had not been there, he would have spoken to the air. But Rakitin looked at him ironically and Alyosha stopped short.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You were so primed up with your elder's teaching last night that now you have to let it off on me, Alexey, man of God!&#8221; said Rakitin, with a smile of hatred.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't laugh, Rakitin, don't smile, don't talk of the dead&#8212;he was better than anyone in the world!&#8221; cried Alyosha, with tears in his voice. &#8220;I didn't speak to you as a judge but as the lowest of the judged. What am I beside her? I came here seeking my ruin, and said to myself, &#8216;What does it matter?' in my cowardliness, but she, after five years in torment, as soon as anyone says a word from the heart to her&#8212;it makes her forget everything, forgive everything, in her tears! The man who has wronged her has come back, he sends for her and she forgives him everything, and hastens joyfully to meet him and she won't take a knife with her. She won't! No, I am not like that. I don't know whether you are, Misha, but I am not like that. It's a lesson to me.... She is more loving than we.... Have you heard her speak before of what she has just told us? No, you haven't; if you had, you'd have understood her long ago ... and the person insulted the day before yesterday must forgive her, too! She will, when she knows ... and she shall know.... This soul is not yet at peace with itself, one must be tender with it ... there may be a treasure in that soul....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha stopped, because he caught his breath. In spite of his ill-humor Rakitin looked at him with astonishment. He had never expected such a tirade from the gentle Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's found some one to plead her cause! Why, are you in love with her? Agrafena Alexandrovna, our monk's really in love with you, you've made a conquest!&#8221; he cried, with a coarse laugh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grushenka lifted her head from the pillow and looked at Alyosha with a tender smile shining on her tear-stained face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let him alone, Alyosha, my cherub; you see what he is, he is not a person for you to speak to. Mihail Osipovitch,&#8221; she turned to Rakitin, &#8220;I meant to beg your pardon for being rude to you, but now I don't want to. Alyosha, come to me, sit down here.&#8221; She beckoned to him with a happy smile. &#8220;That's right, sit here. Tell me,&#8221; she shook him by the hand and peeped into his face, smiling, &#8220;tell me, do I love that man or not? the man who wronged me, do I love him or not? Before you came, I lay here in the dark, asking my heart whether I loved him. Decide for me, Alyosha, the time has come, it shall be as you say. Am I to forgive him or not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you have forgiven him already,&#8221; said Alyosha, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I really have forgiven him,&#8221; Grushenka murmured thoughtfully. &#8220;What an abject heart! To my abject heart!&#8221; She snatched up a glass from the table, emptied it at a gulp, lifted it in the air and flung it on the floor. The glass broke with a crash. A little cruel line came into her smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps I haven't forgiven him, though,&#8221; she said, with a sort of menace in her voice, and she dropped her eyes to the ground as though she were talking to herself. &#8220;Perhaps my heart is only getting ready to forgive. I shall struggle with my heart. You see, Alyosha, I've grown to love my tears in these five years.... Perhaps I only love my resentment, not him ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I shouldn't care to be in his shoes,&#8221; hissed Rakitin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you won't be, Rakitin, you'll never be in his shoes. You shall black my shoes, Rakitin, that's the place you are fit for. You'll never get a woman like me ... and he won't either, perhaps ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Won't he? Then why are you dressed up like that?&#8221; said Rakitin, with a venomous sneer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't taunt me with dressing up, Rakitin, you don't know all that is in my heart! If I choose to tear off my finery, I'll tear it off at once, this minute,&#8221; she cried in a resonant voice. &#8220;You don't know what that finery is for, Rakitin! Perhaps I shall see him and say: &#8216;Have you ever seen me look like this before?' He left me a thin, consumptive cry-baby of seventeen. I'll sit by him, fascinate him and work him up. &#8216;Do you see what I am like now?' I'll say to him; &#8216;well, and that's enough for you, my dear sir, there's many a slip twixt the cup and the lip!' That may be what the finery is for, Rakitin.&#8221; Grushenka finished with a malicious laugh. &#8220;I'm violent and resentful, Alyosha, I'll tear off my finery, I'll destroy my beauty, I'll scorch my face, slash it with a knife, and turn beggar. If I choose, I won't go anywhere now to see any one. If I choose, I'll send Kuzma back all he has ever given me, to-morrow, and all his money and I'll go out charing for the rest of my life. You think I wouldn't do it, Rakitin, that I would not dare to do it? I would, I would, I could do it directly, only don't exasperate me ... and I'll send him about his business, I'll snap my fingers in his face, he shall never see me again!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She uttered the last words in an hysterical scream, but broke down again, hid her face in her hands, buried it in the pillow and shook with sobs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Rakitin got up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's time we were off,&#8221; he said, &#8220;it's late, we shall be shut out of the monastery.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grushenka leapt up from her place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Surely you don't want to go, Alyosha!&#8221; she cried, in mournful surprise. &#8220;What are you doing to me? You've stirred up my feeling, tortured me, and now you'll leave me to face this night alone!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He can hardly spend the night with you! Though if he wants to, let him! I'll go alone,&#8221; Rakitin scoffed jeeringly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hush, evil tongue!&#8221; Grushenka cried angrily at him; &#8220;you never said such words to me as he has come to say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What has he said to you so special?&#8221; asked Rakitin irritably.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can't say, I don't know. I don't know what he said to me, it went straight to my heart; he has wrung my heart.... He is the first, the only one who has pitied me, that's what it is. Why did you not come before, you angel?&#8221; She fell on her knees before him as though in a sudden frenzy. &#8220;I've been waiting all my life for some one like you, I knew that some one like you would come and forgive me. I believed that, nasty as I am, some one would really love me, not only with a shameful love!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What have I done to you?&#8221; answered Alyosha, bending over her with a tender smile, and gently taking her by the hands; &#8220;I only gave you an onion, nothing but a tiny little onion, that was all!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was moved to tears himself as he said it. At that moment there was a sudden noise in the passage, some one came into the hall. Grushenka jumped up, seeming greatly alarmed. Fenya ran noisily into the room, crying out:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mistress, mistress darling, a messenger has galloped up,&#8221; she cried, breathless and joyful. &#8220;A carriage from Mokroe for you, Timofey the driver, with three horses, they are just putting in fresh horses.... A letter, here's the letter, mistress.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A letter was in her hand and she waved it in the air all the while she talked. Grushenka snatched the letter from her and carried it to the candle. It was only a note, a few lines. She read it in one instant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He has sent for me,&#8221; she cried, her face white and distorted, with a wan smile; &#8220;he whistles! Crawl back, little dog!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But only for one instant she stood as though hesitating; suddenly the blood rushed to her head and sent a glow to her cheeks.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will go,&#8221; she cried; &#8220;five years of my life! Good-by! Good-by, Alyosha, my fate is sealed. Go, go, leave me all of you, don't let me see you again! Grushenka is flying to a new life.... Don't you remember evil against me either, Rakitin. I may be going to my death! Ugh! I feel as though I were drunk!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She suddenly left them and ran into her bedroom.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, she has no thoughts for us now!&#8221; grumbled Rakitin. &#8220;Let's go, or we may hear that feminine shriek again. I am sick of all these tears and cries.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha mechanically let himself be led out. In the yard stood a covered cart. Horses were being taken out of the shafts, men were running to and fro with a lantern. Three fresh horses were being led in at the open gate. But when Alyosha and Rakitin reached the bottom of the steps, Grushenka's bedroom window was suddenly opened and she called in a ringing voice after Alyosha:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, give my greetings to your brother Mitya and tell him not to remember evil against me, though I have brought him misery. And tell him, too, in my words: &#8216;Grushenka has fallen to a scoundrel, and not to you, noble heart.' And add, too, that Grushenka loved him only one hour, only one short hour she loved him&#8212;so let him remember that hour all his life&#8212;say, &#8216;Grushenka tells you to!' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She ended in a voice full of sobs. The window was shut with a slam.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;H'm, h'm!&#8221; growled Rakitin, laughing, &#8220;she murders your brother Mitya and then tells him to remember it all his life! What ferocity!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha made no reply, he seemed not to have heard. He walked fast beside Rakitin as though in a terrible hurry. He was lost in thought and moved mechanically. Rakitin felt a sudden twinge as though he had been touched on an open wound. He had expected something quite different by bringing Grushenka and Alyosha together. Something very different from what he had hoped for had happened.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is a Pole, that officer of hers,&#8221; he began again, restraining himself; &#8220;and indeed he is not an officer at all now. He served in the customs in Siberia, somewhere on the Chinese frontier, some puny little beggar of a Pole, I expect. Lost his job, they say. He's heard now that Grushenka's saved a little money, so he's turned up again&#8212;that's the explanation of the mystery.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Again Alyosha seemed not to hear. Rakitin could not control himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, so you've saved the sinner?&#8221; he laughed spitefully. &#8220;Have you turned the Magdalene into the true path? Driven out the seven devils, eh? So you see the miracles you were looking out for just now have come to pass!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hush, Rakitin,&#8221; Alyosha answered with an aching heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you despise me now for those twenty-five roubles? I've sold my friend, you think. But you are not Christ, you know, and I am not Judas.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Rakitin, I assure you I'd forgotten about it,&#8221; cried Alyosha, &#8220;you remind me of it yourself....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But this was the last straw for Rakitin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Damnation take you all and each of you!&#8221; he cried suddenly, &#8220;why the devil did I take you up? I don't want to know you from this time forward. Go alone, there's your road!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he turned abruptly into another street, leaving Alyosha alone in the dark. Alyosha came out of the town and walked across the fields to the monastery.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV. CANA OF GALILEE&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It was very late, according to the monastery ideas, when Alyosha returned to the hermitage; the door-keeper let him in by a special entrance. It had struck nine o'clock&#8212;the hour of rest and repose after a day of such agitation for all. Alyosha timidly opened the door and went into the elder's cell where his coffin was now standing. There was no one in the cell but Father Pa&#239;ssy, reading the Gospel in solitude over the coffin, and the young novice Porfiry, who, exhausted by the previous night's conversation and the disturbing incidents of the day, was sleeping the deep sound sleep of youth on the floor of the other room. Though Father Pa&#239;ssy heard Alyosha come in, he did not even look in his direction. Alyosha turned to the right from the door to the corner, fell on his knees and began to pray.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His soul was overflowing but with mingled feelings; no single sensation stood out distinctly; on the contrary, one drove out another in a slow, continual rotation. But there was a sweetness in his heart and, strange to say, Alyosha was not surprised at it. Again he saw that coffin before him, the hidden dead figure so precious to him, but the weeping and poignant grief of the morning was no longer aching in his soul. As soon as he came in, he fell down before the coffin as before a holy shrine, but joy, joy was glowing in his mind and in his heart. The one window of the cell was open, the air was fresh and cool. &#8220;So the smell must have become stronger, if they opened the window,&#8221; thought Alyosha. But even this thought of the smell of corruption, which had seemed to him so awful and humiliating a few hours before, no longer made him feel miserable or indignant. He began quietly praying, but he soon felt that he was praying almost mechanically. Fragments of thought floated through his soul, flashed like stars and went out again at once, to be succeeded by others. But yet there was reigning in his soul a sense of the wholeness of things&#8212;something steadfast and comforting&#8212;and he was aware of it himself. Sometimes he began praying ardently, he longed to pour out his thankfulness and love....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But when he had begun to pray, he passed suddenly to something else, and sank into thought, forgetting both the prayer and what had interrupted it. He began listening to what Father Pa&#239;ssy was reading, but worn out with exhaustion he gradually began to doze.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee;&#8221; read Father Pa&#239;ssy. &#8220;And the mother of Jesus was there; And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Marriage? What's that?... A marriage!&#8221; floated whirling through Alyosha's mind. &#8220;There is happiness for her, too.... She has gone to the feast.... No, she has not taken the knife.... That was only a tragic phrase.... Well ... tragic phrases should be forgiven, they must be. Tragic phrases comfort the heart.... Without them, sorrow would be too heavy for men to bear. Rakitin has gone off to the back alley. As long as Rakitin broods over his wrongs, he will always go off to the back alley.... But the high road ... The road is wide and straight and bright as crystal, and the sun is at the end of it.... Ah!... What's being read?&#8221;...&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine&#8221; ... Alyosha heard.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, yes, I was missing that, and I didn't want to miss it, I love that passage: it's Cana of Galilee, the first miracle.... Ah, that miracle! Ah, that sweet miracle! It was not men's grief, but their joy Christ visited, He worked His first miracle to help men's gladness.... &#8216;He who loves men loves their gladness, too' ... He was always repeating that, it was one of his leading ideas.... &#8216;There's no living without joy,' Mitya says.... Yes, Mitya.... &#8216;Everything that is true and good is always full of forgiveness,' he used to say that, too&#8221; ...&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what has it to do with thee or me? Mine hour is not yet come.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it&#8221; ...&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do it.... Gladness, the gladness of some poor, very poor, people.... Of course they were poor, since they hadn't wine enough even at a wedding.... The historians write that, in those days, the people living about the Lake of Gennesaret were the poorest that can possibly be imagined ... and another great heart, that other great being, His Mother, knew that He had come not only to make His great terrible sacrifice. She knew that His heart was open even to the simple, artless merrymaking of some obscure and unlearned people, who had warmly bidden Him to their poor wedding. &#8216;Mine hour is not yet come,' He said, with a soft smile (He must have smiled gently to her). And, indeed, was it to make wine abundant at poor weddings He had come down to earth? And yet He went and did as she asked Him.... Ah, he is reading again&#8221;....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And he saith unto them, Draw out now and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was; (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, that which is worse; but thou hast kept the good wine until now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what's this, what's this? Why is the room growing wider?... Ah, yes ... It's the marriage, the wedding ... yes, of course. Here are the guests, here are the young couple sitting, and the merry crowd and ... Where is the wise governor of the feast? But who is this? Who? Again the walls are receding.... Who is getting up there from the great table? What!... He here, too? But he's in the coffin ... but he's here, too. He has stood up, he sees me, he is coming here.... God!&#8221;...&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, he came up to him, to him, he, the little, thin old man, with tiny wrinkles on his face, joyful and laughing softly. There was no coffin now, and he was in the same dress as he had worn yesterday sitting with them, when the visitors had gathered about him. His face was uncovered, his eyes were shining. How was this, then? He, too, had been called to the feast. He, too, at the marriage of Cana in Galilee....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, my dear, I am called, too, called and bidden,&#8221; he heard a soft voice saying over him. &#8220;Why have you hidden yourself here, out of sight? You come and join us too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was his voice, the voice of Father Zossima. And it must be he, since he called him!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The elder raised Alyosha by the hand and he rose from his knees.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We are rejoicing,&#8221; the little, thin old man went on. &#8220;We are drinking the new wine, the wine of new, great gladness; do you see how many guests? Here are the bride and bridegroom, here is the wise governor of the feast, he is tasting the new wine. Why do you wonder at me? I gave an onion to a beggar, so I, too, am here. And many here have given only an onion each&#8212;only one little onion.... What are all our deeds? And you, my gentle one, you, my kind boy, you too have known how to give a famished woman an onion to-day. Begin your work, dear one, begin it, gentle one!... Do you see our Sun, do you see Him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am afraid ... I dare not look,&#8221; whispered Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do not fear Him. He is terrible in His greatness, awful in His sublimity, but infinitely merciful. He has made Himself like unto us from love and rejoices with us. He is changing the water into wine that the gladness of the guests may not be cut short. He is expecting new guests, He is calling new ones unceasingly for ever and ever.... There they are bringing new wine. Do you see they are bringing the vessels....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Something glowed in Alyosha's heart, something filled it till it ached, tears of rapture rose from his soul.... He stretched out his hands, uttered a cry and waked up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Again the coffin, the open window, and the soft, solemn, distinct reading of the Gospel. But Alyosha did not listen to the reading. It was strange, he had fallen asleep on his knees, but now he was on his feet, and suddenly, as though thrown forward, with three firm rapid steps he went right up to the coffin. His shoulder brushed against Father Pa&#239;ssy without his noticing it. Father Pa&#239;ssy raised his eyes for an instant from his book, but looked away again at once, seeing that something strange was happening to the boy. Alyosha gazed for half a minute at the coffin, at the covered, motionless dead man that lay in the coffin, with the ikon on his breast and the peaked cap with the octangular cross, on his head. He had only just been hearing his voice, and that voice was still ringing in his ears. He was listening, still expecting other words, but suddenly he turned sharply and went out of the cell.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He did not stop on the steps either, but went quickly down; his soul, overflowing with rapture, yearned for freedom, space, openness. The vault of heaven, full of soft, shining stars, stretched vast and fathomless above him. The Milky Way ran in two pale streams from the zenith to the horizon. The fresh, motionless, still night enfolded the earth. The white towers and golden domes of the cathedral gleamed out against the sapphire sky. The gorgeous autumn flowers, in the beds round the house, were slumbering till morning. The silence of earth seemed to melt into the silence of the heavens. The mystery of earth was one with the mystery of the stars....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha stood, gazed, and suddenly threw himself down on the earth. He did not know why he embraced it. He could not have told why he longed so irresistibly to kiss it, to kiss it all. But he kissed it weeping, sobbing and watering it with his tears, and vowed passionately to love it, to love it for ever and ever. &#8220;Water the earth with the tears of your joy and love those tears,&#8221; echoed in his soul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was he weeping over?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Oh! in his rapture he was weeping even over those stars, which were shining to him from the abyss of space, and &#8220;he was not ashamed of that ecstasy.&#8221; There seemed to be threads from all those innumerable worlds of God, linking his soul to them, and it was trembling all over &#8220;in contact with other worlds.&#8221; He longed to forgive every one and for everything, and to beg forgiveness. Oh, not for himself, but for all men, for all and for everything. &#8220;And others are praying for me too,&#8221; echoed again in his soul. But with every instant he felt clearly and, as it were, tangibly, that something firm and unshakable as that vault of heaven had entered into his soul. It was as though some idea had seized the sovereignty of his mind&#8212;and it was for all his life and for ever and ever. He had fallen on the earth a weak boy, but he rose up a resolute champion, and he knew and felt it suddenly at the very moment of his ecstasy. And never, never, all his life long, could Alyosha forget that minute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Some one visited my soul in that hour,&#8221; he used to say afterwards, with implicit faith in his words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Within three days he left the monastery in accordance with the words of his elder, who had bidden him &#8220;sojourn in the world.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;BOOKVIII&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;BOOK VIII. MITYA&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I. KUZMA SAMSONOV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But Dmitri, to whom Grushenka, flying away to a new life, had left her last greetings, bidding him remember the hour of her love for ever, knew nothing of what had happened to her, and was at that moment in a condition of feverish agitation and activity. For the last two days he had been in such an inconceivable state of mind that he might easily have fallen ill with brain fever, as he said himself afterwards. Alyosha had not been able to find him the morning before, and Ivan had not succeeded in meeting him at the tavern on the same day. The people at his lodgings, by his orders, concealed his movements.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had spent those two days literally rushing in all directions, &#8220;struggling with his destiny and trying to save himself,&#8221; as he expressed it himself afterwards, and for some hours he even made a dash out of the town on urgent business, terrible as it was to him to lose sight of Grushenka for a moment. All this was explained afterwards in detail, and confirmed by documentary evidence; but for the present we will only note the most essential incidents of those two terrible days immediately preceding the awful catastrophe, that broke so suddenly upon him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though Grushenka had, it is true, loved him for an hour, genuinely and sincerely, yet she tortured him sometimes cruelly and mercilessly. The worst of it was that he could never tell what she meant to do. To prevail upon her by force or kindness was also impossible: she would yield to nothing. She would only have become angry and turned away from him altogether, he knew that well already. He suspected, quite correctly, that she, too, was passing through an inward struggle, and was in a state of extraordinary indecision, that she was making up her mind to something, and unable to determine upon it. And so, not without good reason, he divined, with a sinking heart, that at moments she must simply hate him and his passion. And so, perhaps, it was, but what was distressing Grushenka he did not understand. For him the whole tormenting question lay between him and Fyodor Pavlovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Here, we must note, by the way, one certain fact: he was firmly persuaded that Fyodor Pavlovitch would offer, or perhaps had offered, Grushenka lawful wedlock, and did not for a moment believe that the old voluptuary hoped to gain his object for three thousand roubles. Mitya had reached this conclusion from his knowledge of Grushenka and her character. That was how it was that he could believe at times that all Grushenka's uneasiness rose from not knowing which of them to choose, which was most to her advantage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Strange to say, during those days it never occurred to him to think of the approaching return of the &#8220;officer,&#8221; that is, of the man who had been such a fatal influence in Grushenka's life, and whose arrival she was expecting with such emotion and dread. It is true that of late Grushenka had been very silent about it. Yet he was perfectly aware of a letter she had received a month ago from her seducer, and had heard of it from her own lips. He partly knew, too, what the letter contained. In a moment of spite Grushenka had shown him that letter, but to her astonishment he attached hardly any consequence to it. It would be hard to say why this was. Perhaps, weighed down by all the hideous horror of his struggle with his own father for this woman, he was incapable of imagining any danger more terrible, at any rate for the time. He simply did not believe in a suitor who suddenly turned up again after five years' disappearance, still less in his speedy arrival. Moreover, in the &#8220;officer's&#8221; first letter which had been shown to Mitya, the possibility of his new rival's visit was very vaguely suggested. The letter was very indefinite, high-flown, and full of sentimentality. It must be noted that Grushenka had concealed from him the last lines of the letter, in which his return was alluded to more definitely. He had, besides, noticed at that moment, he remembered afterwards, a certain involuntary proud contempt for this missive from Siberia on Grushenka's face. Grushenka told him nothing of what had passed later between her and this rival; so that by degrees he had completely forgotten the officer's existence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He felt that whatever might come later, whatever turn things might take, his final conflict with Fyodor Pavlovitch was close upon him, and must be decided before anything else. With a sinking heart he was expecting every moment Grushenka's decision, always believing that it would come suddenly, on the impulse of the moment. All of a sudden she would say to him: &#8220;Take me, I'm yours for ever,&#8221; and it would all be over. He would seize her and bear her away at once to the ends of the earth. Oh, then he would bear her away at once, as far, far away as possible; to the farthest end of Russia, if not of the earth, then he would marry her, and settle down with her incognito, so that no one would know anything about them, there, here, or anywhere. Then, oh, then, a new life would begin at once!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Of this different, reformed and &#8220;virtuous&#8221; life (&#8220;it must, it must be virtuous&#8221;) he dreamed feverishly at every moment. He thirsted for that reformation and renewal. The filthy morass, in which he had sunk of his own free will, was too revolting to him, and, like very many men in such cases, he put faith above all in change of place. If only it were not for these people, if only it were not for these circumstances, if only he could fly away from this accursed place&#8212;he would be altogether regenerated, would enter on a new path. That was what he believed in, and what he was yearning for.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But all this could only be on condition of the first, the &lt;i&gt;happy&lt;/i&gt; solution of the question. There was another possibility, a different and awful ending. Suddenly she might say to him: &#8220;Go away. I have just come to terms with Fyodor Pavlovitch. I am going to marry him and don't want you&#8221;&#8212;and then ... but then.... But Mitya did not know what would happen then. Up to the last hour he didn't know. That must be said to his credit. He had no definite intentions, had planned no crime. He was simply watching and spying in agony, while he prepared himself for the first, happy solution of his destiny. He drove away any other idea, in fact. But for that ending a quite different anxiety arose, a new, incidental, but yet fatal and insoluble difficulty presented itself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If she were to say to him: &#8220;I'm yours; take me away,&#8221; how could he take her away? Where had he the means, the money to do it? It was just at this time that all sources of revenue from Fyodor Pavlovitch, doles which had gone on without interruption for so many years, ceased. Grushenka had money, of course, but with regard to this Mitya suddenly evinced extraordinary pride; he wanted to carry her away and begin the new life with her himself, at his own expense, not at hers. He could not conceive of taking her money, and the very idea caused him a pang of intense repulsion. I won't enlarge on this fact or analyze it here, but confine myself to remarking that this was his attitude at the moment. All this may have arisen indirectly and unconsciously from the secret stings of his conscience for the money of Katerina Ivanovna that he had dishonestly appropriated. &#8220;I've been a scoundrel to one of them, and I shall be a scoundrel again to the other directly,&#8221; was his feeling then, as he explained after: &#8220;and when Grushenka knows, she won't care for such a scoundrel.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Where then was he to get the means, where was he to get the fateful money? Without it, all would be lost and nothing could be done, &#8220;and only because I hadn't the money. Oh, the shame of it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To anticipate things: he did, perhaps, know where to get the money, knew, perhaps, where it lay at that moment. I will say no more of this here, as it will all be clear later. But his chief trouble, I must explain however obscurely, lay in the fact that to have that sum he knew of, to &lt;i&gt;have the right&lt;/i&gt; to take it, he must first restore Katerina Ivanovna's three thousand&#8212;if not, &#8220;I'm a common pickpocket, I'm a scoundrel, and I don't want to begin a new life as a scoundrel,&#8221; Mitya decided. And so he made up his mind to move heaven and earth to return Katerina Ivanovna that three thousand, and that &lt;i&gt;first of all&lt;/i&gt;. The final stage of this decision, so to say, had been reached only during the last hours, that is, after his last interview with Alyosha, two days before, on the high-road, on the evening when Grushenka had insulted Katerina Ivanovna, and Mitya, after hearing Alyosha's account of it, had admitted that he was a scoundrel, and told him to tell Katerina Ivanovna so, if it could be any comfort to her. After parting from his brother on that night, he had felt in his frenzy that it would be better &#8220;to murder and rob some one than fail to pay my debt to Katya. I'd rather every one thought me a robber and a murderer, I'd rather go to Siberia than that Katya should have the right to say that I deceived her and stole her money, and used her money to run away with Grushenka and begin a new life! That I can't do!&#8221; So Mitya decided, grinding his teeth, and he might well fancy at times that his brain would give way. But meanwhile he went on struggling....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Strange to say, though one would have supposed there was nothing left for him but despair&#8212;for what chance had he, with nothing in the world, to raise such a sum?&#8212;yet to the very end he persisted in hoping that he would get that three thousand, that the money would somehow come to him of itself, as though it might drop from heaven. That is just how it is with people who, like Dmitri, have never had anything to do with money, except to squander what has come to them by inheritance without any effort of their own, and have no notion how money is obtained. A whirl of the most fantastic notions took possession of his brain immediately after he had parted with Alyosha two days before, and threw his thoughts into a tangle of confusion. This is how it was he pitched first on a perfectly wild enterprise. And perhaps to men of that kind in such circumstances the most impossible, fantastic schemes occur first, and seem most practical.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He suddenly determined to go to Samsonov, the merchant who was Grushenka's protector, and to propose a &#8220;scheme&#8221; to him, and by means of it to obtain from him at once the whole of the sum required. Of the commercial value of his scheme he had no doubt, not the slightest, and was only uncertain how Samsonov would look upon his freak, supposing he were to consider it from any but the commercial point of view. Though Mitya knew the merchant by sight, he was not acquainted with him and had never spoken a word to him. But for some unknown reason he had long entertained the conviction that the old reprobate, who was lying at death's door, would perhaps not at all object now to Grushenka's securing a respectable position, and marrying a man &#8220;to be depended upon.&#8221; And he believed not only that he would not object, but that this was what he desired, and, if opportunity arose, that he would be ready to help. From some rumor, or perhaps from some stray word of Grushenka's, he had gathered further that the old man would perhaps prefer him to Fyodor Pavlovitch for Grushenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Possibly many of the readers of my novel will feel that in reckoning on such assistance, and being ready to take his bride, so to speak, from the hands of her protector, Dmitri showed great coarseness and want of delicacy. I will only observe that Mitya looked upon Grushenka's past as something completely over. He looked on that past with infinite pity and resolved with all the fervor of his passion that when once Grushenka told him she loved him and would marry him, it would mean the beginning of a new Grushenka and a new Dmitri, free from every vice. They would forgive one another and would begin their lives afresh. As for Kuzma Samsonov, Dmitri looked upon him as a man who had exercised a fateful influence in that remote past of Grushenka's, though she had never loved him, and who was now himself a thing of the past, completely done with, and, so to say, non-existent. Besides, Mitya hardly looked upon him as a man at all, for it was known to every one in the town that he was only a shattered wreck, whose relations with Grushenka had changed their character and were now simply paternal, and that this had been so for a long time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In any case there was much simplicity on Mitya's part in all this, for in spite of all his vices, he was a very simple-hearted man. It was an instance of this simplicity that Mitya was seriously persuaded that, being on the eve of his departure for the next world, old Kuzma must sincerely repent of his past relations with Grushenka, and that she had no more devoted friend and protector in the world than this, now harmless old man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After his conversation with Alyosha, at the cross-roads, he hardly slept all night, and at ten o'clock next morning, he was at the house of Samsonov and telling the servant to announce him. It was a very large and gloomy old house of two stories, with a lodge and outhouses. In the lower story lived Samsonov's two married sons with their families, his old sister, and his unmarried daughter. In the lodge lived two of his clerks, one of whom also had a large family. Both the lodge and the lower story were overcrowded, but the old man kept the upper floor to himself, and would not even let the daughter live there with him, though she waited upon him, and in spite of her asthma was obliged at certain fixed hours, and at any time he might call her, to run upstairs to him from below.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This upper floor contained a number of large rooms kept purely for show, furnished in the old-fashioned merchant style, with long monotonous rows of clumsy mahogany chairs along the walls, with glass chandeliers under shades, and gloomy mirrors on the walls. All these rooms were entirely empty and unused, for the old man kept to one room, a small, remote bedroom, where he was waited upon by an old servant with a kerchief on her head, and by a lad, who used to sit on the locker in the passage. Owing to his swollen legs, the old man could hardly walk at all, and was only rarely lifted from his leather arm-chair, when the old woman supporting him led him up and down the room once or twice. He was morose and taciturn even with this old woman.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When he was informed of the arrival of the &#8220;captain,&#8221; he at once refused to see him. But Mitya persisted and sent his name up again. Samsonov questioned the lad minutely: What he looked like? Whether he was drunk? Was he going to make a row? The answer he received was: that he was sober, but wouldn't go away. The old man again refused to see him. Then Mitya, who had foreseen this, and purposely brought pencil and paper with him, wrote clearly on the piece of paper the words: &#8220;On most important business closely concerning Agrafena Alexandrovna,&#8221; and sent it up to the old man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After thinking a little Samsonov told the lad to take the visitor to the drawing-room, and sent the old woman downstairs with a summons to his younger son to come upstairs to him at once. This younger son, a man over six foot and of exceptional physical strength, who was closely-shaven and dressed in the European style, though his father still wore a kaftan and a beard, came at once without a comment. All the family trembled before the father. The old man had sent for this giant, not because he was afraid of the &#8220;captain&#8221; (he was by no means of a timorous temper), but in order to have a witness in case of any emergency. Supported by his son and the servant-lad, he waddled at last into the drawing-room. It may be assumed that he felt considerable curiosity. The drawing-room in which Mitya was awaiting him was a vast, dreary room that laid a weight of depression on the heart. It had a double row of windows, a gallery, marbled walls, and three immense chandeliers with glass lusters covered with shades.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya was sitting on a little chair at the entrance, awaiting his fate with nervous impatience. When the old man appeared at the opposite door, seventy feet away, Mitya jumped up at once, and with his long, military stride walked to meet him. Mitya was well dressed, in a frock-coat, buttoned up, with a round hat and black gloves in his hands, just as he had been three days before at the elder's, at the family meeting with his father and brothers. The old man waited for him, standing dignified and unbending, and Mitya felt at once that he had looked him through and through as he advanced. Mitya was greatly impressed, too, with Samsonov's immensely swollen face. His lower lip, which had always been thick, hung down now, looking like a bun. He bowed to his guest in dignified silence, motioned him to a low chair by the sofa, and, leaning on his son's arm he began lowering himself on to the sofa opposite, groaning painfully, so that Mitya, seeing his painful exertions, immediately felt remorseful and sensitively conscious of his insignificance in the presence of the dignified person he had ventured to disturb.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it you want of me, sir?&#8221; said the old man, deliberately, distinctly, severely, but courteously, when he was at last seated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya started, leapt up, but sat down again. Then he began at once speaking with loud, nervous haste, gesticulating, and in a positive frenzy. He was unmistakably a man driven into a corner, on the brink of ruin, catching at the last straw, ready to sink if he failed. Old Samsonov probably grasped all this in an instant, though his face remained cold and immovable as a statue's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Most honored sir, Kuzma Kuzmitch, you have no doubt heard more than once of my disputes with my father, Fyodor Pavlovitch Karamazov, who robbed me of my inheritance from my mother ... seeing the whole town is gossiping about it ... for here every one's gossiping of what they shouldn't ... and besides, it might have reached you through Grushenka ... I beg your pardon, through Agrafena Alexandrovna ... Agrafena Alexandrovna, the lady for whom I have the highest respect and esteem ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So Mitya began, and broke down at the first sentence. We will not reproduce his speech word for word, but will only summarize the gist of it. Three months ago, he said, he had of express intention (Mitya purposely used these words instead of &#8220;intentionally&#8221;) consulted a lawyer in the chief town of the province, &#8220;a distinguished lawyer, Kuzma Kuzmitch, Pavel Pavlovitch Korneplodov. You have perhaps heard of him? A man of vast intellect, the mind of a statesman ... he knows you, too ... spoke of you in the highest terms ...&#8221; Mitya broke down again. But these breaks did not deter him. He leapt instantly over the gaps, and struggled on and on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This Korneplodov, after questioning him minutely, and inspecting the documents he was able to bring him (Mitya alluded somewhat vaguely to these documents, and slurred over the subject with special haste), reported that they certainly might take proceedings concerning the village of Tchermashnya, which ought, he said, to have come to him, Mitya, from his mother, and so checkmate the old villain, his father ... &#8220;because every door was not closed and justice might still find a loophole.&#8221; In fact, he might reckon on an additional sum of six or even seven thousand roubles from Fyodor Pavlovitch, as Tchermashnya was worth, at least, twenty-five thousand, he might say twenty-eight thousand, in fact, &#8220;thirty, thirty, Kuzma Kuzmitch, and would you believe it, I didn't get seventeen from that heartless man!&#8221; So he, Mitya, had thrown the business up, for the time, knowing nothing about the law, but on coming here was struck dumb by a cross-claim made upon him (here Mitya went adrift again and again took a flying leap forward), &#8220;so will not you, excellent and honored Kuzma Kuzmitch, be willing to take up all my claims against that unnatural monster, and pay me a sum down of only three thousand?... You see, you cannot, in any case, lose over it. On my honor, my honor, I swear that. Quite the contrary, you may make six or seven thousand instead of three.&#8221; Above all, he wanted this concluded that very day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll do the business with you at a notary's, or whatever it is ... in fact, I'm ready to do anything.... I'll hand over all the deeds ... whatever you want, sign anything ... and we could draw up the agreement at once ... and if it were possible, if it were only possible, that very morning.... You could pay me that three thousand, for there isn't a capitalist in this town to compare with you, and so would save me from ... would save me, in fact ... for a good, I might say an honorable action.... For I cherish the most honorable feelings for a certain person, whom you know well, and care for as a father. I would not have come, indeed, if it had not been as a father. And, indeed, it's a struggle of three in this business, for it's fate&#8212;that's a fearful thing, Kuzma Kuzmitch! A tragedy, Kuzma Kuzmitch, a tragedy! And as you've dropped out long ago, it's a tug-of-war between two. I'm expressing it awkwardly, perhaps, but I'm not a literary man. You see, I'm on the one side, and that monster on the other. So you must choose. It's either I or the monster. It all lies in your hands&#8212;the fate of three lives, and the happiness of two.... Excuse me, I'm making a mess of it, but you understand ... I see from your venerable eyes that you understand ... and if you don't understand, I'm done for ... so you see!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya broke off his clumsy speech with that, &#8220;so you see!&#8221; and jumping up from his seat, awaited the answer to his foolish proposal. At the last phrase he had suddenly become hopelessly aware that it had all fallen flat, above all, that he had been talking utter nonsense.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How strange it is! On the way here it seemed all right, and now it's nothing but nonsense.&#8221; The idea suddenly dawned on his despairing mind. All the while he had been talking, the old man sat motionless, watching him with an icy expression in his eyes. After keeping him for a moment in suspense, Kuzma Kuzmitch pronounced at last in the most positive and chilling tone:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me, we don't undertake such business.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya suddenly felt his legs growing weak under him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What am I to do now, Kuzma Kuzmitch?&#8221; he muttered, with a pale smile. &#8220;I suppose it's all up with me&#8212;what do you think?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya remained standing, staring motionless. He suddenly noticed a movement in the old man's face. He started.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see, sir, business of that sort's not in our line,&#8221; said the old man slowly. &#8220;There's the court, and the lawyers&#8212;it's a perfect misery. But if you like, there is a man here you might apply to.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good heavens! Who is it? You're my salvation, Kuzma Kuzmitch,&#8221; faltered Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He doesn't live here, and he's not here just now. He is a peasant, he does business in timber. His name is Lyagavy. He's been haggling with Fyodor Pavlovitch for the last year, over your copse at Tchermashnya. They can't agree on the price, maybe you've heard? Now he's come back again and is staying with the priest at Ilyinskoe, about twelve versts from the Volovya station. He wrote to me, too, about the business of the copse, asking my advice. Fyodor Pavlovitch means to go and see him himself. So if you were to be beforehand with Fyodor Pavlovitch and to make Lyagavy the offer you've made me, he might possibly&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A brilliant idea!&#8221; Mitya interrupted ecstatically. &#8220;He's the very man, it would just suit him. He's haggling with him for it, being asked too much, and here he would have all the documents entitling him to the property itself. Ha ha ha!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Mitya suddenly went off into his short, wooden laugh, startling Samsonov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How can I thank you, Kuzma Kuzmitch?&#8221; cried Mitya effusively.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't mention it,&#8221; said Samsonov, inclining his head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you don't know, you've saved me. Oh, it was a true presentiment brought me to you.... So now to this priest!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No need of thanks.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll make haste and fly there. I'm afraid I've overtaxed your strength. I shall never forget it. It's a Russian says that, Kuzma Kuzmitch, a R-r-russian!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be sure!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya seized his hand to press it, but there was a malignant gleam in the old man's eye. Mitya drew back his hand, but at once blamed himself for his mistrustfulness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's because he's tired,&#8221; he thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For her sake! For her sake, Kuzma Kuzmitch! You understand that it's for her,&#8221; he cried, his voice ringing through the room. He bowed, turned sharply round, and with the same long stride walked to the door without looking back. He was trembling with delight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Everything was on the verge of ruin and my guardian angel saved me,&#8221; was the thought in his mind. And if such a business man as Samsonov (a most worthy old man, and what dignity!) had suggested this course, then ... then success was assured. He would fly off immediately. &#8220;I will be back before night, I shall be back at night and the thing is done. Could the old man have been laughing at me?&#8221; exclaimed Mitya, as he strode towards his lodging. He could, of course, imagine nothing, but that the advice was practical &#8220;from such a business man&#8221; with an understanding of the business, with an understanding of this Lyagavy (curious surname!). Or&#8212;the old man was laughing at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alas! The second alternative was the correct one. Long afterwards, when the catastrophe had happened, old Samsonov himself confessed, laughing, that he had made a fool of the &#8220;captain.&#8221; He was a cold, spiteful and sarcastic man, liable to violent antipathies. Whether it was the &#8220;captain's&#8221; excited face, or the foolish conviction of the &#8220;rake and spendthrift,&#8221; that he, Samsonov, could be taken in by such a cock-and-bull story as his scheme, or his jealousy of Grushenka, in whose name this &#8220;scapegrace&#8221; had rushed in on him with such a tale to get money which worked on the old man, I can't tell. But at the instant when Mitya stood before him, feeling his legs grow weak under him, and frantically exclaiming that he was ruined, at that moment the old man looked at him with intense spite, and resolved to make a laughing-stock of him. When Mitya had gone, Kuzma Kuzmitch, white with rage, turned to his son and bade him see to it that that beggar be never seen again, and never admitted even into the yard, or else he'd&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He did not utter his threat. But even his son, who often saw him enraged, trembled with fear. For a whole hour afterwards, the old man was shaking with anger, and by evening he was worse, and sent for the doctor.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II. LYAGAVY&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So he must drive at full speed, and he had not the money for horses. He had forty kopecks, and that was all, all that was left after so many years of prosperity! But he had at home an old silver watch which had long ceased to go. He snatched it up and carried it to a Jewish watchmaker who had a shop in the market-place. The Jew gave him six roubles for it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I didn't expect that,&#8221; cried Mitya, ecstatically. (He was still in a state of ecstasy.) He seized his six roubles and ran home. At home he borrowed three roubles from the people of the house, who loved him so much that they were pleased to give it him, though it was all they had. Mitya in his excitement told them on the spot that his fate would be decided that day, and he described, in desperate haste, the whole scheme he had put before Samsonov, the latter's decision, his own hopes for the future, and so on. These people had been told many of their lodger's secrets before, and so looked upon him as a gentleman who was not at all proud, and almost one of themselves. Having thus collected nine roubles Mitya sent for posting-horses to take him to the Volovya station. This was how the fact came to be remembered and established that &#8220;at midday, on the day before the event, Mitya had not a farthing, and that he had sold his watch to get money and had borrowed three roubles from his landlord, all in the presence of witnesses.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I note this fact, later on it will be apparent why I do so.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though he was radiant with the joyful anticipation that he would at last solve all his difficulties, yet, as he drew near Volovya station, he trembled at the thought of what Grushenka might be doing in his absence. What if she made up her mind to-day to go to Fyodor Pavlovitch? This was why he had gone off without telling her and why he left orders with his landlady not to let out where he had gone, if anyone came to inquire for him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must, I must get back to-night,&#8221; he repeated, as he was jolted along in the cart, &#8220;and I dare say I shall have to bring this Lyagavy back here ... to draw up the deed.&#8221; So mused Mitya, with a throbbing heart, but alas! his dreams were not fated to be carried out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To begin with, he was late, taking a short cut from Volovya station which turned out to be eighteen versts instead of twelve. Secondly, he did not find the priest at home at Ilyinskoe; he had gone off to a neighboring village. While Mitya, setting off there with the same exhausted horses, was looking for him, it was almost dark.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The priest, a shy and amiable looking little man, informed him at once that though Lyagavy had been staying with him at first, he was now at Suhoy Possyolok, that he was staying the night in the forester's cottage, as he was buying timber there too. At Mitya's urgent request that he would take him to Lyagavy at once, and by so doing &#8220;save him, so to speak,&#8221; the priest agreed, after some demur, to conduct him to Suhoy Possyolok; his curiosity was obviously aroused. But, unluckily, he advised their going on foot, as it would not be &#8220;much over&#8221; a verst. Mitya, of course, agreed, and marched off with his yard-long strides, so that the poor priest almost ran after him. He was a very cautious man, though not old.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya at once began talking to him, too, of his plans, nervously and excitedly asking advice in regard to Lyagavy, and talking all the way. The priest listened attentively, but gave little advice. He turned off Mitya's questions with: &#8220;I don't know. Ah, I can't say. How can I tell?&#8221; and so on. When Mitya began to speak of his quarrel with his father over his inheritance, the priest was positively alarmed, as he was in some way dependent on Fyodor Pavlovitch. He inquired, however, with surprise, why he called the peasant-trader Gorstkin, Lyagavy, and obligingly explained to Mitya that, though the man's name really was Lyagavy, he was never called so, as he would be grievously offended at the name, and that he must be sure to call him Gorstkin, &#8220;or you'll do nothing with him; he won't even listen to you,&#8221; said the priest in conclusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya was somewhat surprised for a moment, and explained that that was what Samsonov had called him. On hearing this fact, the priest dropped the subject, though he would have done well to put into words his doubt whether, if Samsonov had sent him to that peasant, calling him Lyagavy, there was not something wrong about it and he was turning him into ridicule. But Mitya had no time to pause over such trifles. He hurried, striding along, and only when he reached Suhoy Possyolok did he realize that they had come not one verst, nor one and a half, but at least three. This annoyed him, but he controlled himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They went into the hut. The forester lived in one half of the hut, and Gorstkin was lodging in the other, the better room the other side of the passage. They went into that room and lighted a tallow candle. The hut was extremely overheated. On the table there was a samovar that had gone out, a tray with cups, an empty rum bottle, a bottle of vodka partly full, and some half-eaten crusts of wheaten bread. The visitor himself lay stretched at full length on the bench, with his coat crushed up under his head for a pillow, snoring heavily. Mitya stood in perplexity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course I must wake him. My business is too important. I've come in such haste. I'm in a hurry to get back to-day,&#8221; he said in great agitation. But the priest and the forester stood in silence, not giving their opinion. Mitya went up and began trying to wake him himself; he tried vigorously, but the sleeper did not wake.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's drunk,&#8221; Mitya decided. &#8220;Good Lord! What am I to do? What am I to do?&#8221; And, terribly impatient, he began pulling him by the arms, by the legs, shaking his head, lifting him up and making him sit on the bench. Yet, after prolonged exertions, he could only succeed in getting the drunken man to utter absurd grunts, and violent, but inarticulate oaths.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you'd better wait a little,&#8221; the priest pronounced at last, &#8220;for he's obviously not in a fit state.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's been drinking the whole day,&#8221; the forester chimed in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good heavens!&#8221; cried Mitya. &#8220;If only you knew how important it is to me and how desperate I am!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you'd better wait till morning,&#8221; the priest repeated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Till morning? Mercy! that's impossible!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And in his despair he was on the point of attacking the sleeping man again, but stopped short at once, realizing the uselessness of his efforts. The priest said nothing, the sleepy forester looked gloomy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What terrible tragedies real life contrives for people,&#8221; said Mitya, in complete despair. The perspiration was streaming down his face. The priest seized the moment to put before him, very reasonably, that, even if he succeeded in wakening the man, he would still be drunk and incapable of conversation. &#8220;And your business is important,&#8221; he said, &#8220;so you'd certainly better put it off till morning.&#8221; With a gesture of despair Mitya agreed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father, I will stay here with a light, and seize the favorable moment. As soon as he wakes I'll begin. I'll pay you for the light,&#8221; he said to the forester, &#8220;for the night's lodging, too; you'll remember Dmitri Karamazov. Only, Father, I don't know what we're to do with you. Where will you sleep?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I'm going home. I'll take his horse and get home,&#8221; he said, indicating the forester. &#8220;And now I'll say good-by. I wish you all success.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So it was settled. The priest rode off on the forester's horse, delighted to escape, though he shook his head uneasily, wondering whether he ought not next day to inform his benefactor Fyodor Pavlovitch of this curious incident, &#8220;or he may in an unlucky hour hear of it, be angry, and withdraw his favor.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The forester, scratching himself, went back to his room without a word, and Mitya sat on the bench to &#8220;catch the favorable moment,&#8221; as he expressed it. Profound dejection clung about his soul like a heavy mist. A profound, intense dejection! He sat thinking, but could reach no conclusion. The candle burnt dimly, a cricket chirped; it became insufferably close in the overheated room. He suddenly pictured the garden, the path behind the garden, the door of his father's house mysteriously opening and Grushenka running in. He leapt up from the bench.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's a tragedy!&#8221; he said, grinding his teeth. Mechanically he went up to the sleeping man and looked in his face. He was a lean, middle-aged peasant, with a very long face, flaxen curls, and a long, thin, reddish beard, wearing a blue cotton shirt and a black waistcoat, from the pocket of which peeped the chain of a silver watch. Mitya looked at his face with intense hatred, and for some unknown reason his curly hair particularly irritated him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What was insufferably humiliating was, that after leaving things of such importance and making such sacrifices, he, Mitya, utterly worn out, should with business of such urgency be standing over this dolt on whom his whole fate depended, while he snored as though there were nothing the matter, as though he'd dropped from another planet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, the irony of fate!&#8221; cried Mitya, and, quite losing his head, he fell again to rousing the tipsy peasant. He roused him with a sort of ferocity, pulled at him, pushed him, even beat him; but after five minutes of vain exertions, he returned to his bench in helpless despair, and sat down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stupid! Stupid!&#8221; cried Mitya. &#8220;And how dishonorable it all is!&#8221; something made him add. His head began to ache horribly. &#8220;Should he fling it up and go away altogether?&#8221; he wondered. &#8220;No, wait till to-morrow now. I'll stay on purpose. What else did I come for? Besides, I've no means of going. How am I to get away from here now? Oh, the idiocy of it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But his head ached more and more. He sat without moving, and unconsciously dozed off and fell asleep as he sat. He seemed to have slept for two hours or more. He was waked up by his head aching so unbearably that he could have screamed. There was a hammering in his temples, and the top of his head ached. It was a long time before he could wake up fully and understand what had happened to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last he realized that the room was full of charcoal fumes from the stove, and that he might die of suffocation. And the drunken peasant still lay snoring. The candle guttered and was about to go out. Mitya cried out, and ran staggering across the passage into the forester's room. The forester waked up at once, but hearing that the other room was full of fumes, to Mitya's surprise and annoyance, accepted the fact with strange unconcern, though he did go to see to it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But he's dead, he's dead! and ... what am I to do then?&#8221; cried Mitya frantically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They threw open the doors, opened a window and the chimney. Mitya brought a pail of water from the passage. First he wetted his own head, then, finding a rag of some sort, dipped it into the water, and put it on Lyagavy's head. The forester still treated the matter contemptuously, and when he opened the window said grumpily:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It'll be all right, now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He went back to sleep, leaving Mitya a lighted lantern. Mitya fussed about the drunken peasant for half an hour, wetting his head, and gravely resolved not to sleep all night. But he was so worn out that when he sat down for a moment to take breath, he closed his eyes, unconsciously stretched himself full length on the bench and slept like the dead.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was dreadfully late when he waked. It was somewhere about nine o'clock. The sun was shining brightly in the two little windows of the hut. The curly-headed peasant was sitting on the bench and had his coat on. He had another samovar and another bottle in front of him. Yesterday's bottle had already been finished, and the new one was more than half empty. Mitya jumped up and saw at once that the cursed peasant was drunk again, hopelessly and incurably. He stared at him for a moment with wide opened eyes. The peasant was silently and slyly watching him, with insulting composure, and even a sort of contemptuous condescension, so Mitya fancied. He rushed up to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me, you see ... I ... you've most likely heard from the forester here in the hut. I'm Lieutenant Dmitri Karamazov, the son of the old Karamazov whose copse you are buying.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's a lie!&#8221; said the peasant, calmly and confidently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A lie? You know Fyodor Pavlovitch?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know any of your Fyodor Pavlovitches,&#8221; said the peasant, speaking thickly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're bargaining with him for the copse, for the copse. Do wake up, and collect yourself. Father Pavel of Ilyinskoe brought me here. You wrote to Samsonov, and he has sent me to you,&#8221; Mitya gasped breathlessly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're l-lying!&#8221; Lyagavy blurted out again. Mitya's legs went cold.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For mercy's sake! It isn't a joke! You're drunk, perhaps. Yet you can speak and understand ... or else ... I understand nothing!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're a painter!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For mercy's sake! I'm Karamazov, Dmitri Karamazov. I have an offer to make you, an advantageous offer ... very advantageous offer, concerning the copse!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The peasant stroked his beard importantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you've contracted for the job and turned out a scamp. You're a scoundrel!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I assure you you're mistaken,&#8221; cried Mitya, wringing his hands in despair. The peasant still stroked his beard, and suddenly screwed up his eyes cunningly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you show me this: you tell me the law that allows roguery. D'you hear? You're a scoundrel! Do you understand that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya stepped back gloomily, and suddenly &#8220;something seemed to hit him on the head,&#8221; as he said afterwards. In an instant a light seemed to dawn in his mind, &#8220;a light was kindled and I grasped it all.&#8221; He stood, stupefied, wondering how he, after all a man of intelligence, could have yielded to such folly, have been led into such an adventure, and have kept it up for almost twenty-four hours, fussing round this Lyagavy, wetting his head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, the man's drunk, dead drunk, and he'll go on drinking now for a week; what's the use of waiting here? And what if Samsonov sent me here on purpose? What if she&#8212;? Oh, God, what have I done?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The peasant sat watching him and grinning. Another time Mitya might have killed the fool in a fury, but now he felt as weak as a child. He went quietly to the bench, took up his overcoat, put it on without a word, and went out of the hut. He did not find the forester in the next room; there was no one there. He took fifty kopecks in small change out of his pocket and put them on the table for his night's lodging, the candle, and the trouble he had given. Coming out of the hut he saw nothing but forest all round. He walked at hazard, not knowing which way to turn out of the hut, to the right or to the left. Hurrying there the evening before with the priest, he had not noticed the road. He had no revengeful feeling for anybody, even for Samsonov, in his heart. He strode along a narrow forest path, aimless, dazed, without heeding where he was going. A child could have knocked him down, so weak was he in body and soul. He got out of the forest somehow, however, and a vista of fields, bare after the harvest, stretched as far as the eye could see.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What despair! What death all round!&#8221; he repeated, striding on and on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was saved by meeting an old merchant who was being driven across country in a hired trap. When he overtook him, Mitya asked the way, and it turned out that the old merchant, too, was going to Volovya. After some discussion Mitya got into the trap. Three hours later they arrived. At Volovya, Mitya at once ordered posting-horses to drive to the town, and suddenly realized that he was appallingly hungry. While the horses were being harnessed, an omelette was prepared for him. He ate it all in an instant, ate a huge hunk of bread, ate a sausage, and swallowed three glasses of vodka. After eating, his spirits and his heart grew lighter. He flew towards the town, urged on the driver, and suddenly made a new and &#8220;unalterable&#8221; plan to procure that &#8220;accursed money&#8221; before evening. &#8220;And to think, only to think that a man's life should be ruined for the sake of that paltry three thousand!&#8221; he cried, contemptuously. &#8220;I'll settle it to-day.&#8221; And if it had not been for the thought of Grushenka and of what might have happened to her, which never left him, he would perhaps have become quite cheerful again.... But the thought of her was stabbing him to the heart every moment, like a sharp knife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last they arrived, and Mitya at once ran to Grushenka.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III. GOLD-MINES&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This was the visit of Mitya of which Grushenka had spoken to Rakitin with such horror. She was just then expecting the &#8220;message,&#8221; and was much relieved that Mitya had not been to see her that day or the day before. She hoped that &#8220;please God he won't come till I'm gone away,&#8221; and he suddenly burst in on her. The rest we know already. To get him off her hands she suggested at once that he should walk with her to Samsonov's, where she said she absolutely must go &#8220;to settle his accounts,&#8221; and when Mitya accompanied her at once, she said good-by to him at the gate, making him promise to come at twelve o'clock to take her home again. Mitya, too, was delighted at this arrangement. If she was sitting at Samsonov's she could not be going to Fyodor Pavlovitch's, &#8220;if only she's not lying,&#8221; he added at once. But he thought she was not lying from what he saw.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was that sort of jealous man who, in the absence of the beloved woman, at once invents all sorts of awful fancies of what may be happening to her, and how she may be betraying him, but, when shaken, heartbroken, convinced of her faithlessness, he runs back to her; at the first glance at her face, her gay, laughing, affectionate face, he revives at once, lays aside all suspicion and with joyful shame abuses himself for his jealousy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After leaving Grushenka at the gate he rushed home. Oh, he had so much still to do that day! But a load had been lifted from his heart, anyway.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now I must only make haste and find out from Smerdyakov whether anything happened there last night, whether, by any chance, she went to Fyodor Pavlovitch; ough!&#8221; floated through his mind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Before he had time to reach his lodging, jealousy had surged up again in his restless heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Jealousy! &#8220;Othello was not jealous, he was trustful,&#8221; observed Pushkin. And that remark alone is enough to show the deep insight of our great poet. Othello's soul was shattered and his whole outlook clouded simply because &lt;i&gt;his ideal was destroyed&lt;/i&gt;. But Othello did not begin hiding, spying, peeping. He was trustful, on the contrary. He had to be led up, pushed on, excited with great difficulty before he could entertain the idea of deceit. The truly jealous man is not like that. It is impossible to picture to oneself the shame and moral degradation to which the jealous man can descend without a qualm of conscience. And yet it's not as though the jealous were all vulgar and base souls. On the contrary, a man of lofty feelings, whose love is pure and full of self-sacrifice, may yet hide under tables, bribe the vilest people, and be familiar with the lowest ignominy of spying and eavesdropping.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Othello was incapable of making up his mind to faithlessness&#8212;not incapable of forgiving it, but of making up his mind to it&#8212;though his soul was as innocent and free from malice as a babe's. It is not so with the really jealous man. It is hard to imagine what some jealous men can make up their mind to and overlook, and what they can forgive! The jealous are the readiest of all to forgive, and all women know it. The jealous man can forgive extraordinarily quickly (though, of course, after a violent scene), and he is able to forgive infidelity almost conclusively proved, the very kisses and embraces he has seen, if only he can somehow be convinced that it has all been &#8220;for the last time,&#8221; and that his rival will vanish from that day forward, will depart to the ends of the earth, or that he himself will carry her away somewhere, where that dreaded rival will not get near her. Of course the reconciliation is only for an hour. For, even if the rival did disappear next day, he would invent another one and would be jealous of him. And one might wonder what there was in a love that had to be so watched over, what a love could be worth that needed such strenuous guarding. But that the jealous will never understand. And yet among them are men of noble hearts. It is remarkable, too, that those very men of noble hearts, standing hidden in some cupboard, listening and spying, never feel the stings of conscience at that moment, anyway, though they understand clearly enough with their &#8220;noble hearts&#8221; the shameful depths to which they have voluntarily sunk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the sight of Grushenka, Mitya's jealousy vanished, and, for an instant he became trustful and generous, and positively despised himself for his evil feelings. But it only proved that, in his love for the woman, there was an element of something far higher than he himself imagined, that it was not only a sensual passion, not only the &#8220;curve of her body,&#8221; of which he had talked to Alyosha. But, as soon as Grushenka had gone, Mitya began to suspect her of all the low cunning of faithlessness, and he felt no sting of conscience at it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And so jealousy surged up in him again. He had, in any case, to make haste. The first thing to be done was to get hold of at least a small, temporary loan of money. The nine roubles had almost all gone on his expedition. And, as we all know, one can't take a step without money. But he had thought over in the cart where he could get a loan. He had a brace of fine dueling pistols in a case, which he had not pawned till then because he prized them above all his possessions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the &#8220;Metropolis&#8221; tavern he had some time since made acquaintance with a young official and had learnt that this very opulent bachelor was passionately fond of weapons. He used to buy pistols, revolvers, daggers, hang them on his wall and show them to acquaintances. He prided himself on them, and was quite a specialist on the mechanism of the revolver. Mitya, without stopping to think, went straight to him, and offered to pawn his pistols to him for ten roubles. The official, delighted, began trying to persuade him to sell them outright. But Mitya would not consent, so the young man gave him ten roubles, protesting that nothing would induce him to take interest. They parted friends.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya was in haste; he rushed towards Fyodor Pavlovitch's by the back way, to his arbor, to get hold of Smerdyakov as soon as possible. In this way the fact was established that three or four hours before a certain event, of which I shall speak later on, Mitya had not a farthing, and pawned for ten roubles a possession he valued, though, three hours later, he was in possession of thousands.... But I am anticipating. From Marya Kondratyevna (the woman living near Fyodor Pavlovitch's) he learned the very disturbing fact of Smerdyakov's illness. He heard the story of his fall in the cellar, his fit, the doctor's visit, Fyodor Pavlovitch's anxiety; he heard with interest, too, that his brother Ivan had set off that morning for Moscow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then he must have driven through Volovya before me,&#8221; thought Dmitri, but he was terribly distressed about Smerdyakov. &#8220;What will happen now? Who'll keep watch for me? Who'll bring me word?&#8221; he thought. He began greedily questioning the women whether they had seen anything the evening before. They quite understood what he was trying to find out, and completely reassured him. No one had been there. Ivan Fyodorovitch had been there the night; everything had been perfectly as usual. Mitya grew thoughtful. He would certainly have to keep watch to-day, but where? Here or at Samsonov's gate? He decided that he must be on the look out both here and there, and meanwhile ... meanwhile.... The difficulty was that he had to carry out the new plan that he had made on the journey back. He was sure of its success, but he must not delay acting upon it. Mitya resolved to sacrifice an hour to it: &#8220;In an hour I shall know everything, I shall settle everything, and then, then, first of all to Samsonov's. I'll inquire whether Grushenka's there and instantly be back here again, stay till eleven, and then to Samsonov's again to bring her home.&#8221; This was what he decided.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He flew home, washed, combed his hair, brushed his clothes, dressed, and went to Madame Hohlakov's. Alas! he had built his hopes on her. He had resolved to borrow three thousand from that lady. And what was more, he felt suddenly convinced that she would not refuse to lend it to him. It may be wondered why, if he felt so certain, he had not gone to her at first, one of his own sort, so to speak, instead of to Samsonov, a man he did not know, who was not of his own class, and to whom he hardly knew how to speak.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the fact was that he had never known Madame Hohlakov well, and had seen nothing of her for the last month, and that he knew she could not endure him. She had detested him from the first because he was engaged to Katerina Ivanovna, while she had, for some reason, suddenly conceived the desire that Katerina Ivanovna should throw him over, and marry the &#8220;charming, chivalrously refined Ivan, who had such excellent manners.&#8221; Mitya's manners she detested. Mitya positively laughed at her, and had once said about her that she was just as lively and at her ease as she was uncultivated. But that morning in the cart a brilliant idea had struck him: &#8220;If she is so anxious I should not marry Katerina Ivanovna&#8221; (and he knew she was positively hysterical upon the subject) &#8220;why should she refuse me now that three thousand, just to enable me to leave Katya and get away from her for ever. These spoilt fine ladies, if they set their hearts on anything, will spare no expense to satisfy their caprice. Besides, she's so rich,&#8221; Mitya argued.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As for his &#8220;plan&#8221; it was just the same as before; it consisted of the offer of his rights to Tchermashnya&#8212;but not with a commercial object, as it had been with Samsonov, not trying to allure the lady with the possibility of making a profit of six or seven thousand&#8212;but simply as a security for the debt. As he worked out this new idea, Mitya was enchanted with it, but so it always was with him in all his undertakings, in all his sudden decisions. He gave himself up to every new idea with passionate enthusiasm. Yet, when he mounted the steps of Madame Hohlakov's house he felt a shiver of fear run down his spine. At that moment he saw fully, as a mathematical certainty, that this was his last hope, that if this broke down, nothing else was left him in the world, but to &#8220;rob and murder some one for the three thousand.&#8221; It was half-past seven when he rang at the bell.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At first fortune seemed to smile upon him. As soon as he was announced he was received with extraordinary rapidity. &#8220;As though she were waiting for me,&#8221; thought Mitya, and as soon as he had been led to the drawing-room, the lady of the house herself ran in, and declared at once that she was expecting him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was expecting you! I was expecting you! Though I'd no reason to suppose you would come to see me, as you will admit yourself. Yet, I did expect you. You may marvel at my instinct, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, but I was convinced all the morning that you would come.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is certainly wonderful, madam,&#8221; observed Mitya, sitting down limply, &#8220;but I have come to you on a matter of great importance.... On a matter of supreme importance for me, that is, madam ... for me alone ... and I hasten&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know you've come on most important business, Dmitri Fyodorovitch; it's not a case of presentiment, no reactionary harking back to the miraculous (have you heard about Father Zossima?). This is a case of mathematics: you couldn't help coming, after all that has passed with Katerina Ivanovna; you couldn't, you couldn't, that's a mathematical certainty.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The realism of actual life, madam, that's what it is. But allow me to explain&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Realism indeed, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. I'm all for realism now. I've seen too much of miracles. You've heard that Father Zossima is dead?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, madam, it's the first time I've heard of it.&#8221; Mitya was a little surprised. The image of Alyosha rose to his mind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Last night, and only imagine&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Madam,&#8221; said Mitya, &#8220;I can imagine nothing except that I'm in a desperate position, and that if you don't help me, everything will come to grief, and I first of all. Excuse me for the triviality of the expression, but I'm in a fever&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know, I know that you're in a fever. You could hardly fail to be, and whatever you may say to me, I know beforehand. I have long been thinking over your destiny, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, I am watching over it and studying it.... Oh, believe me, I'm an experienced doctor of the soul, Dmitri Fyodorovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Madam, if you are an experienced doctor, I'm certainly an experienced patient,&#8221; said Mitya, with an effort to be polite, &#8220;and I feel that if you are watching over my destiny in this way, you will come to my help in my ruin, and so allow me, at least to explain to you the plan with which I have ventured to come to you ... and what I am hoping of you.... I have come, madam&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't explain it. It's of secondary importance. But as for help, you're not the first I have helped, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. You have most likely heard of my cousin, Madame Belmesov. Her husband was ruined, &#8216;had come to grief,' as you characteristically express it, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. I recommended him to take to horse-breeding, and now he's doing well. Have you any idea of horse-breeding, Dmitri Fyodorovitch?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not the faintest, madam; ah, madam, not the faintest!&#8221; cried Mitya, in nervous impatience, positively starting from his seat. &#8220;I simply implore you, madam, to listen to me. Only give me two minutes of free speech that I may just explain to you everything, the whole plan with which I have come. Besides, I am short of time. I'm in a fearful hurry,&#8221; Mitya cried hysterically, feeling that she was just going to begin talking again, and hoping to cut her short. &#8220;I have come in despair ... in the last gasp of despair, to beg you to lend me the sum of three thousand, a loan, but on safe, most safe security, madam, with the most trustworthy guarantees! Only let me explain&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You must tell me all that afterwards, afterwards!&#8221; Madame Hohlakov with a gesture demanded silence in her turn, &#8220;and whatever you may tell me, I know it all beforehand; I've told you so already. You ask for a certain sum, for three thousand, but I can give you more, immeasurably more, I will save you, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, but you must listen to me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya started from his seat again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Madam, will you really be so good!&#8221; he cried, with strong feeling. &#8220;Good God, you've saved me! You have saved a man from a violent death, from a bullet.... My eternal gratitude&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will give you more, infinitely more than three thousand!&#8221; cried Madame Hohlakov, looking with a radiant smile at Mitya's ecstasy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Infinitely? But I don't need so much. I only need that fatal three thousand, and on my part I can give security for that sum with infinite gratitude, and I propose a plan which&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Enough, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, it's said and done.&#8221; Madame Hohlakov cut him short, with the modest triumph of beneficence: &#8220;I have promised to save you, and I will save you. I will save you as I did Belmesov. What do you think of the gold-mines, Dmitri Fyodorovitch?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of the gold-mines, madam? I have never thought anything about them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I have thought of them for you. Thought of them over and over again. I have been watching you for the last month. I've watched you a hundred times as you've walked past, saying to myself: that's a man of energy who ought to be at the gold-mines. I've studied your gait and come to the conclusion: that's a man who would find gold.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From my gait, madam?&#8221; said Mitya, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, from your gait. You surely don't deny that character can be told from the gait, Dmitri Fyodorovitch? Science supports the idea. I'm all for science and realism now. After all this business with Father Zossima, which has so upset me, from this very day I'm a realist and I want to devote myself to practical usefulness. I'm cured. &#8216;Enough!' as Turgenev says.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, madam, the three thousand you so generously promised to lend me&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is yours, Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; Madame Hohlakov cut in at once. &#8220;The money is as good as in your pocket, not three thousand, but three million, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, in less than no time. I'll make you a present of the idea: you shall find gold-mines, make millions, return and become a leading man, and wake us up and lead us to better things. Are we to leave it all to the Jews? You will found institutions and enterprises of all sorts. You will help the poor, and they will bless you. This is the age of railways, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. You'll become famous and indispensable to the Department of Finance, which is so badly off at present. The depreciation of the rouble keeps me awake at night, Dmitri Fyodorovitch; people don't know that side of me&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Madam, madam!&#8221; Dmitri interrupted with an uneasy presentiment. &#8220;I shall indeed, perhaps, follow your advice, your wise advice, madam.... I shall perhaps set off ... to the gold-mines.... I'll come and see you again about it ... many times, indeed ... but now, that three thousand you so generously ... oh, that would set me free, and if you could to-day ... you see, I haven't a minute, a minute to lose to-day&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Enough, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, enough!&#8221; Madame Hohlakov interrupted emphatically. &#8220;The question is, will you go to the gold-mines or not; have you quite made up your mind? Answer yes or no.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will go, madam, afterwards.... I'll go where you like ... but now&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wait!&#8221; cried Madame Hohlakov. And jumping up and running to a handsome bureau with numerous little drawers, she began pulling out one drawer after another, looking for something with desperate haste.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The three thousand,&#8221; thought Mitya, his heart almost stopping, &#8220;and at the instant ... without any papers or formalities ... that's doing things in gentlemanly style! She's a splendid woman, if only she didn't talk so much!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here!&#8221; cried Madame Hohlakov, running back joyfully to Mitya, &#8220;here is what I was looking for!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a tiny silver ikon on a cord, such as is sometimes worn next the skin with a cross.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is from Kiev, Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; she went on reverently, &#8220;from the relics of the Holy Martyr, Varvara. Let me put it on your neck myself, and with it dedicate you to a new life, to a new career.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And she actually put the cord round his neck, and began arranging it. In extreme embarrassment, Mitya bent down and helped her, and at last he got it under his neck-tie and collar through his shirt to his chest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now you can set off,&#8221; Madame Hohlakov pronounced, sitting down triumphantly in her place again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Madam, I am so touched. I don't know how to thank you, indeed ... for such kindness, but ... If only you knew how precious time is to me.... That sum of money, for which I shall be indebted to your generosity.... Oh, madam, since you are so kind, so touchingly generous to me,&#8221; Mitya exclaimed impulsively, &#8220;then let me reveal to you ... though, of course, you've known it a long time ... that I love somebody here.... I have been false to Katya ... Katerina Ivanovna I should say.... Oh, I've behaved inhumanly, dishonorably to her, but I fell in love here with another woman ... a woman whom you, madam, perhaps, despise, for you know everything already, but whom I cannot leave on any account, and therefore that three thousand now&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Leave everything, Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; Madame Hohlakov interrupted in the most decisive tone. &#8220;Leave everything, especially women. Gold-mines are your goal, and there's no place for women there. Afterwards, when you come back rich and famous, you will find the girl of your heart in the highest society. That will be a modern girl, a girl of education and advanced ideas. By that time the dawning woman question will have gained ground, and the new woman will have appeared.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Madam, that's not the point, not at all....&#8221; Mitya clasped his hands in entreaty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it is, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, just what you need; the very thing you're yearning for, though you don't realize it yourself. I am not at all opposed to the present woman movement, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. The development of woman, and even the political emancipation of woman in the near future&#8212;that's my ideal. I've a daughter myself, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, people don't know that side of me. I wrote a letter to the author, Shtchedrin, on that subject. He has taught me so much, so much about the vocation of woman. So last year I sent him an anonymous letter of two lines: &#8216;I kiss and embrace you, my teacher, for the modern woman. Persevere.' And I signed myself, &#8216;A Mother.' I thought of signing myself &#8216;A contemporary Mother,' and hesitated, but I stuck to the simple &#8216;Mother'; there's more moral beauty in that, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. And the word &#8216;contemporary' might have reminded him of &#8216;The Contemporary'&#8212;a painful recollection owing to the censorship.... Good Heavens, what is the matter!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Madam!&#8221; cried Mitya, jumping up at last, clasping his hands before her in helpless entreaty. &#8220;You will make me weep if you delay what you have so generously&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, do weep, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, do weep! That's a noble feeling ... such a path lies open before you! Tears will ease your heart, and later on you will return rejoicing. You will hasten to me from Siberia on purpose to share your joy with me&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But allow me, too!&#8221; Mitya cried suddenly. &#8220;For the last time I entreat you, tell me, can I have the sum you promised me to-day, if not, when may I come for it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What sum, Dmitri Fyodorovitch?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The three thousand you promised me ... that you so generously&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Three thousand? Roubles? Oh, no, I haven't got three thousand,&#8221; Madame Hohlakov announced with serene amazement. Mitya was stupefied.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, you said just now ... you said ... you said it was as good as in my hands&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, you misunderstood me, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. In that case you misunderstood me. I was talking of the gold-mines. It's true I promised you more, infinitely more than three thousand, I remember it all now, but I was referring to the gold-mines.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But the money? The three thousand?&#8221; Mitya exclaimed, awkwardly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, if you meant money, I haven't any. I haven't a penny, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. I'm quarreling with my steward about it, and I've just borrowed five hundred roubles from Mi&#252;sov, myself. No, no, I've no money. And, do you know, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, if I had, I wouldn't give it to you. In the first place I never lend money. Lending money means losing friends. And I wouldn't give it to you particularly. I wouldn't give it you, because I like you and want to save you, for all you need is the gold-mines, the gold-mines, the gold-mines!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, the devil!&#8221; roared Mitya, and with all his might brought his fist down on the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aie! Aie!&#8221; cried Madame Hohlakov, alarmed, and she flew to the other end of the drawing-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya spat on the ground, and strode rapidly out of the room, out of the house, into the street, into the darkness! He walked like one possessed, and beating himself on the breast, on the spot where he had struck himself two days previously, before Alyosha, the last time he saw him in the dark, on the road. What those blows upon his breast signified, &lt;i&gt;on that spot&lt;/i&gt;, and what he meant by it&#8212;that was, for the time, a secret which was known to no one in the world, and had not been told even to Alyosha. But that secret meant for him more than disgrace; it meant ruin, suicide. So he had determined, if he did not get hold of the three thousand that would pay his debt to Katerina Ivanovna, and so remove from his breast, from &lt;i&gt;that spot on his breast&lt;/i&gt;, the shame he carried upon it, that weighed on his conscience. All this will be fully explained to the reader later on, but now that his last hope had vanished, this man, so strong in appearance, burst out crying like a little child a few steps from the Hohlakovs' house. He walked on, and not knowing what he was doing, wiped away his tears with his fist. In this way he reached the square, and suddenly became aware that he had stumbled against something. He heard a piercing wail from an old woman whom he had almost knocked down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good Lord, you've nearly killed me! Why don't you look where you're going, scapegrace?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, it's you!&#8221; cried Mitya, recognizing the old woman in the dark. It was the old servant who waited on Samsonov, whom Mitya had particularly noticed the day before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And who are you, my good sir?&#8221; said the old woman, in quite a different voice. &#8220;I don't know you in the dark.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You live at Kuzma Kuzmitch's. You're the servant there?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just so, sir, I was only running out to Prohoritch's.... But I don't know you now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me, my good woman, is Agrafena Alexandrovna there now?&#8221; said Mitya, beside himself with suspense. &#8220;I saw her to the house some time ago.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She has been there, sir. She stayed a little while, and went off again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What? Went away?&#8221; cried Mitya. &#8220;When did she go?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, as soon as she came. She only stayed a minute. She only told Kuzma Kuzmitch a tale that made him laugh, and then she ran away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're lying, damn you!&#8221; roared Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aie! Aie!&#8221; shrieked the old woman, but Mitya had vanished.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He ran with all his might to the house where Grushenka lived. At the moment he reached it, Grushenka was on her way to Mokroe. It was not more than a quarter of an hour after her departure.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fenya was sitting with her grandmother, the old cook, Matryona, in the kitchen when &#8220;the captain&#8221; ran in. Fenya uttered a piercing shriek on seeing him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You scream?&#8221; roared Mitya, &#8220;where is she?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But without giving the terror-stricken Fenya time to utter a word, he fell all of a heap at her feet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fenya, for Christ's sake, tell me, where is she?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know. Dmitri Fyodorovitch, my dear, I don't know. You may kill me but I can't tell you.&#8221; Fenya swore and protested. &#8220;You went out with her yourself not long ago&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She came back!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Indeed she didn't. By God I swear she didn't come back.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're lying!&#8221; shouted Mitya. &#8220;From your terror I know where she is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He rushed away. Fenya in her fright was glad she had got off so easily. But she knew very well that it was only that he was in such haste, or she might not have fared so well. But as he ran, he surprised both Fenya and old Matryona by an unexpected action. On the table stood a brass mortar, with a pestle in it, a small brass pestle, not much more than six inches long. Mitya already had opened the door with one hand when, with the other, he snatched up the pestle, and thrust it in his side-pocket.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Lord! He's going to murder some one!&#8221; cried Fenya, flinging up her hands.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV. IN THE DARK&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Where was he running? &#8220;Where could she be except at Fyodor Pavlovitch's? She must have run straight to him from Samsonov's, that was clear now. The whole intrigue, the whole deceit was evident.&#8221; ... It all rushed whirling through his mind. He did not run to Marya Kondratyevna's. &#8220;There was no need to go there ... not the slightest need ... he must raise no alarm ... they would run and tell directly.... Marya Kondratyevna was clearly in the plot, Smerdyakov too, he too, all had been bought over!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He formed another plan of action: he ran a long way round Fyodor Pavlovitch's house, crossing the lane, running down Dmitrovsky Street, then over the little bridge, and so came straight to the deserted alley at the back, which was empty and uninhabited, with, on one side the hurdle fence of a neighbor's kitchen-garden, on the other the strong high fence, that ran all round Fyodor Pavlovitch's garden. Here he chose a spot, apparently the very place, where according to the tradition, he knew Lizaveta had once climbed over it: &#8220;If she could climb over it,&#8221; the thought, God knows why, occurred to him, &#8220;surely I can.&#8221; He did in fact jump up, and instantly contrived to catch hold of the top of the fence. Then he vigorously pulled himself up and sat astride on it. Close by, in the garden stood the bath-house, but from the fence he could see the lighted windows of the house too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, the old man's bedroom is lighted up. She's there!&#8221; and he leapt from the fence into the garden. Though he knew Grigory was ill and very likely Smerdyakov, too, and that there was no one to hear him, he instinctively hid himself, stood still, and began to listen. But there was dead silence on all sides and, as though of design, complete stillness, not the slightest breath of wind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And naught but the whispering silence,&#8221; the line for some reason rose to his mind. &#8220;If only no one heard me jump over the fence! I think not.&#8221; Standing still for a minute, he walked softly over the grass in the garden, avoiding the trees and shrubs. He walked slowly, creeping stealthily at every step, listening to his own footsteps. It took him five minutes to reach the lighted window. He remembered that just under the window there were several thick and high bushes of elder and whitebeam. The door from the house into the garden on the left-hand side, was shut; he had carefully looked on purpose to see, in passing. At last he reached the bushes and hid behind them. He held his breath. &#8220;I must wait now,&#8221; he thought, &#8220;to reassure them, in case they heard my footsteps and are listening ... if only I don't cough or sneeze.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He waited two minutes. His heart was beating violently, and, at moments, he could scarcely breathe. &#8220;No, this throbbing at my heart won't stop,&#8221; he thought. &#8220;I can't wait any longer.&#8221; He was standing behind a bush in the shadow. The light of the window fell on the front part of the bush.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How red the whitebeam berries are!&#8221; he murmured, not knowing why. Softly and noiselessly, step by step, he approached the window, and raised himself on tiptoe. All Fyodor Pavlovitch's bedroom lay open before him. It was not a large room, and was divided in two parts by a red screen, &#8220;Chinese,&#8221; as Fyodor Pavlovitch used to call it. The word &#8220;Chinese&#8221; flashed into Mitya's mind, &#8220;and behind the screen, is Grushenka,&#8221; thought Mitya. He began watching Fyodor Pavlovitch, who was wearing his new striped-silk dressing-gown, which Mitya had never seen, and a silk cord with tassels round the waist. A clean, dandified shirt of fine linen with gold studs peeped out under the collar of the dressing-gown. On his head Fyodor Pavlovitch had the same red bandage which Alyosha had seen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He has got himself up,&#8221; thought Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His father was standing near the window, apparently lost in thought. Suddenly he jerked up his head, listened a moment, and hearing nothing went up to the table, poured out half a glass of brandy from a decanter and drank it off. Then he uttered a deep sigh, again stood still a moment, walked carelessly up to the looking-glass on the wall, with his right hand raised the red bandage on his forehead a little, and began examining his bruises and scars, which had not yet disappeared.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's alone,&#8221; thought Mitya, &#8220;in all probability he's alone.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fyodor Pavlovitch moved away from the looking-glass, turned suddenly to the window and looked out. Mitya instantly slipped away into the shadow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She may be there behind the screen. Perhaps she's asleep by now,&#8221; he thought, with a pang at his heart. Fyodor Pavlovitch moved away from the window. &#8220;He's looking for her out of the window, so she's not there. Why should he stare out into the dark? He's wild with impatience.&#8221; ... Mitya slipped back at once, and fell to gazing in at the window again. The old man was sitting down at the table, apparently disappointed. At last he put his elbow on the table, and laid his right cheek against his hand. Mitya watched him eagerly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's alone, he's alone!&#8221; he repeated again. &#8220;If she were here, his face would be different.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Strange to say, a queer, irrational vexation rose up in his heart that she was not here. &#8220;It's not that she's not here,&#8221; he explained to himself, immediately, &#8220;but that I can't tell for certain whether she is or not.&#8221; Mitya remembered afterwards that his mind was at that moment exceptionally clear, that he took in everything to the slightest detail, and missed no point. But a feeling of misery, the misery of uncertainty and indecision, was growing in his heart with every instant. &#8220;Is she here or not?&#8221; The angry doubt filled his heart, and suddenly, making up his mind, he put out his hand and softly knocked on the window frame. He knocked the signal the old man had agreed upon with Smerdyakov, twice slowly and then three times more quickly, the signal that meant &#8220;Grushenka is here!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old man started, jerked up his head, and, jumping up quickly, ran to the window. Mitya slipped away into the shadow. Fyodor Pavlovitch opened the window and thrust his whole head out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Grushenka, is it you? Is it you?&#8221; he said, in a sort of trembling half-whisper. &#8220;Where are you, my angel, where are you?&#8221; He was fearfully agitated and breathless.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's alone.&#8221; Mitya decided.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where are you?&#8221; cried the old man again; and he thrust his head out farther, thrust it out to the shoulders, gazing in all directions, right and left. &#8220;Come here, I've a little present for you. Come, I'll show you....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He means the three thousand,&#8221; thought Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But where are you? Are you at the door? I'll open it directly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the old man almost climbed out of the window, peering out to the right, where there was a door into the garden, trying to see into the darkness. In another second he would certainly have run out to open the door without waiting for Grushenka's answer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya looked at him from the side without stirring. The old man's profile that he loathed so, his pendent Adam's apple, his hooked nose, his lips that smiled in greedy expectation, were all brightly lighted up by the slanting lamplight falling on the left from the room. A horrible fury of hatred suddenly surged up in Mitya's heart: &#8220;There he was, his rival, the man who had tormented him, had ruined his life!&#8221; It was a rush of that sudden, furious, revengeful anger of which he had spoken, as though foreseeing it, to Alyosha, four days ago in the arbor, when, in answer to Alyosha's question, &#8220;How can you say you'll kill our father?&#8221; &#8220;I don't know, I don't know,&#8221; he had said then. &#8220;Perhaps I shall not kill him, perhaps I shall. I'm afraid he'll suddenly be so loathsome to me at that moment. I hate his double chin, his nose, his eyes, his shameless grin. I feel a personal repulsion. That's what I'm afraid of, that's what may be too much for me.&#8221; ... This personal repulsion was growing unendurable. Mitya was beside himself, he suddenly pulled the brass pestle out of his pocket.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;God was watching over me then,&#8221; Mitya himself said afterwards. At that very moment Grigory waked up on his bed of sickness. Earlier in the evening he had undergone the treatment which Smerdyakov had described to Ivan. He had rubbed himself all over with vodka mixed with a secret, very strong decoction, had drunk what was left of the mixture while his wife repeated a &#8220;certain prayer&#8221; over him, after which he had gone to bed. Marfa Ignatyevna had tasted the stuff, too, and, being unused to strong drink, slept like the dead beside her husband.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Grigory waked up in the night, quite suddenly, and, after a moment's reflection, though he immediately felt a sharp pain in his back, he sat up in bed. Then he deliberated again, got up and dressed hurriedly. Perhaps his conscience was uneasy at the thought of sleeping while the house was unguarded &#8220;in such perilous times.&#8221; Smerdyakov, exhausted by his fit, lay motionless in the next room. Marfa Ignatyevna did not stir. &#8220;The stuff's been too much for the woman,&#8221; Grigory thought, glancing at her, and groaning, he went out on the steps. No doubt he only intended to look out from the steps, for he was hardly able to walk, the pain in his back and his right leg was intolerable. But he suddenly remembered that he had not locked the little gate into the garden that evening. He was the most punctual and precise of men, a man who adhered to an unchangeable routine, and habits that lasted for years. Limping and writhing with pain he went down the steps and towards the garden. Yes, the gate stood wide open. Mechanically he stepped into the garden. Perhaps he fancied something, perhaps caught some sound, and, glancing to the left he saw his master's window open. No one was looking out of it then.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's it open for? It's not summer now,&#8221; thought Grigory, and suddenly, at that very instant he caught a glimpse of something extraordinary before him in the garden. Forty paces in front of him a man seemed to be running in the dark, a sort of shadow was moving very fast.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good Lord!&#8221; cried Grigory beside himself, and forgetting the pain in his back, he hurried to intercept the running figure. He took a short cut, evidently he knew the garden better; the flying figure went towards the bath-house, ran behind it and rushed to the garden fence. Grigory followed, not losing sight of him, and ran, forgetting everything. He reached the fence at the very moment the man was climbing over it. Grigory cried out, beside himself, pounced on him, and clutched his leg in his two hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, his foreboding had not deceived him. He recognized him, it was he, the &#8220;monster,&#8221; the &#8220;parricide.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Parricide!&#8221; the old man shouted so that the whole neighborhood could hear, but he had not time to shout more, he fell at once, as though struck by lightning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya jumped back into the garden and bent over the fallen man. In Mitya's hands was a brass pestle, and he flung it mechanically in the grass. The pestle fell two paces from Grigory, not in the grass but on the path, in a most conspicuous place. For some seconds he examined the prostrate figure before him. The old man's head was covered with blood. Mitya put out his hand and began feeling it. He remembered afterwards clearly, that he had been awfully anxious to make sure whether he had broken the old man's skull, or simply stunned him with the pestle. But the blood was flowing horribly; and in a moment Mitya's fingers were drenched with the hot stream. He remembered taking out of his pocket the clean white handkerchief with which he had provided himself for his visit to Madame Hohlakov, and putting it to the old man's head, senselessly trying to wipe the blood from his face and temples. But the handkerchief was instantly soaked with blood.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good heavens! what am I doing it for?&#8221; thought Mitya, suddenly pulling himself together. &#8220;If I have broken his skull, how can I find out now? And what difference does it make now?&#8221; he added, hopelessly. &#8220;If I've killed him, I've killed him.... You've come to grief, old man, so there you must lie!&#8221; he said aloud. And suddenly turning to the fence, he vaulted over it into the lane and fell to running&#8212;the handkerchief soaked with blood he held, crushed up in his right fist, and as he ran he thrust it into the back pocket of his coat. He ran headlong, and the few passers-by who met him in the dark, in the streets, remembered afterwards that they had met a man running that night. He flew back again to the widow Morozov's house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Immediately after he had left it that evening, Fenya had rushed to the chief porter, Nazar Ivanovitch, and besought him, for Christ's sake, &#8220;not to let the captain in again to-day or to-morrow.&#8221; Nazar Ivanovitch promised, but went upstairs to his mistress who had suddenly sent for him, and meeting his nephew, a boy of twenty, who had recently come from the country, on the way up told him to take his place, but forgot to mention &#8220;the captain.&#8221; Mitya, running up to the gate, knocked. The lad instantly recognized him, for Mitya had more than once tipped him. Opening the gate at once, he let him in, and hastened to inform him with a good-humored smile that &#8220;Agrafena Alexandrovna is not at home now, you know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where is she then, Prohor?&#8221; asked Mitya, stopping short.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She set off this evening, some two hours ago, with Timofey, to Mokroe.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What for?&#8221; cried Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That I can't say. To see some officer. Some one invited her and horses were sent to fetch her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya left him, and ran like a madman to Fenya.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V. A SUDDEN RESOLUTION&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;She was sitting in the kitchen with her grandmother; they were both just going to bed. Relying on Nazar Ivanovitch, they had not locked themselves in. Mitya ran in, pounced on Fenya and seized her by the throat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Speak at once! Where is she? With whom is she now, at Mokroe?&#8221; he roared furiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Both the women squealed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aie! I'll tell you. Aie! Dmitri Fyodorovitch, darling, I'll tell you everything directly, I won't hide anything,&#8221; gabbled Fenya, frightened to death; &#8220;she's gone to Mokroe, to her officer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What officer?&#8221; roared Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To her officer, the same one she used to know, the one who threw her over five years ago,&#8221; cackled Fenya, as fast as she could speak.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya withdrew the hands with which he was squeezing her throat. He stood facing her, pale as death, unable to utter a word, but his eyes showed that he realized it all, all, from the first word, and guessed the whole position. Poor Fenya was not in a condition at that moment to observe whether he understood or not. She remained sitting on the trunk as she had been when he ran into the room, trembling all over, holding her hands out before her as though trying to defend herself. She seemed to have grown rigid in that position. Her wide-opened, scared eyes were fixed immovably upon him. And to make matters worse, both his hands were smeared with blood. On the way, as he ran, he must have touched his forehead with them, wiping off the perspiration, so that on his forehead and his right cheek were blood-stained patches. Fenya was on the verge of hysterics. The old cook had jumped up and was staring at him like a mad woman, almost unconscious with terror.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya stood for a moment, then mechanically sank on to a chair next to Fenya. He sat, not reflecting but, as it were, terror-stricken, benumbed. Yet everything was clear as day: that officer, he knew about him, he knew everything perfectly, he had known it from Grushenka herself, had known that a letter had come from him a month before. So that for a month, for a whole month, this had been going on, a secret from him, till the very arrival of this new man, and he had never thought of him! But how could he, how could he not have thought of him? Why was it he had forgotten this officer, like that, forgotten him as soon as he heard of him? That was the question that faced him like some monstrous thing. And he looked at this monstrous thing with horror, growing cold with horror.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But suddenly, as gently and mildly as a gentle and affectionate child, he began speaking to Fenya as though he had utterly forgotten how he had scared and hurt her just now. He fell to questioning Fenya with an extreme preciseness, astonishing in his position, and though the girl looked wildly at his blood-stained hands, she, too, with wonderful readiness and rapidity, answered every question as though eager to put the whole truth and nothing but the truth before him. Little by little, even with a sort of enjoyment, she began explaining every detail, not wanting to torment him, but, as it were, eager to be of the utmost service to him. She described the whole of that day, in great detail, the visit of Rakitin and Alyosha, how she, Fenya, had stood on the watch, how the mistress had set off, and how she had called out of the window to Alyosha to give him, Mitya, her greetings, and to tell him &#8220;to remember for ever how she had loved him for an hour.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hearing of the message, Mitya suddenly smiled, and there was a flush of color on his pale cheeks. At the same moment Fenya said to him, not a bit afraid now to be inquisitive:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Look at your hands, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. They're all over blood!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; answered Mitya mechanically. He looked carelessly at his hands and at once forgot them and Fenya's question.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sank into silence again. Twenty minutes had passed since he had run in. His first horror was over, but evidently some new fixed determination had taken possession of him. He suddenly stood up, smiling dreamily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What has happened to you, sir?&#8221; said Fenya, pointing to his hands again. She spoke compassionately, as though she felt very near to him now in his grief. Mitya looked at his hands again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's blood, Fenya,&#8221; he said, looking at her with a strange expression. &#8220;That's human blood, and my God! why was it shed? But ... Fenya ... there's a fence here&#8221; (he looked at her as though setting her a riddle), &#8220;a high fence, and terrible to look at. But at dawn to-morrow, when the sun rises, Mitya will leap over that fence.... You don't understand what fence, Fenya, and, never mind.... You'll hear to-morrow and understand ... and now, good-by. I won't stand in her way. I'll step aside, I know how to step aside. Live, my joy.... You loved me for an hour, remember Mityenka Karamazov so for ever.... She always used to call me Mityenka, do you remember?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And with those words he went suddenly out of the kitchen. Fenya was almost more frightened at this sudden departure than she had been when he ran in and attacked her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Just ten minutes later Dmitri went in to Pyotr Ilyitch Perhotin, the young official with whom he had pawned his pistols. It was by now half-past eight, and Pyotr Ilyitch had finished his evening tea, and had just put his coat on again to go to the &#8220;Metropolis&#8221; to play billiards. Mitya caught him coming out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seeing him with his face all smeared with blood, the young man uttered a cry of surprise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good heavens! What is the matter?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've come for my pistols,&#8221; said Mitya, &#8220;and brought you the money. And thanks very much. I'm in a hurry, Pyotr Ilyitch, please make haste.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pyotr Ilyitch grew more and more surprised; he suddenly caught sight of a bundle of bank-notes in Mitya's hand, and what was more, he had walked in holding the notes as no one walks in and no one carries money: he had them in his right hand, and held them outstretched as if to show them. Perhotin's servant-boy, who met Mitya in the passage, said afterwards that he walked into the passage in the same way, with the money outstretched in his hand, so he must have been carrying them like that even in the streets. They were all rainbow-colored hundred-rouble notes, and the fingers holding them were covered with blood.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Pyotr Ilyitch was questioned later on as to the sum of money, he said that it was difficult to judge at a glance, but that it might have been two thousand, or perhaps three, but it was a big, &#8220;fat&#8221; bundle. &#8220;Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; so he testified afterwards, &#8220;seemed unlike himself, too; not drunk, but, as it were, exalted, lost to everything, but at the same time, as it were, absorbed, as though pondering and searching for something and unable to come to a decision. He was in great haste, answered abruptly and very strangely, and at moments seemed not at all dejected but quite cheerful.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what &lt;i&gt;is&lt;/i&gt; the matter with you? What's wrong?&#8221; cried Pyotr Ilyitch, looking wildly at his guest. &#8220;How is it that you're all covered with blood? Have you had a fall? Look at yourself!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He took him by the elbow and led him to the glass.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seeing his blood-stained face, Mitya started and scowled wrathfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Damnation! That's the last straw,&#8221; he muttered angrily, hurriedly changing the notes from his right hand to the left, and impulsively jerked the handkerchief out of his pocket. But the handkerchief turned out to be soaked with blood, too (it was the handkerchief he had used to wipe Grigory's face). There was scarcely a white spot on it, and it had not merely begun to dry, but had stiffened into a crumpled ball and could not be pulled apart. Mitya threw it angrily on the floor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, damn it!&#8221; he said. &#8220;Haven't you a rag of some sort ... to wipe my face?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you're only stained, not wounded? You'd better wash,&#8221; said Pyotr Ilyitch. &#8220;Here's a wash-stand. I'll pour you out some water.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A wash-stand? That's all right ... but where am I to put this?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With the strangest perplexity he indicated his bundle of hundred-rouble notes, looking inquiringly at Pyotr Ilyitch as though it were for him to decide what he, Mitya, was to do with his own money.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In your pocket, or on the table here. They won't be lost.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In my pocket? Yes, in my pocket. All right.... But, I say, that's all nonsense,&#8221; he cried, as though suddenly coming out of his absorption. &#8220;Look here, let's first settle that business of the pistols. Give them back to me. Here's your money ... because I am in great need of them ... and I haven't a minute, a minute to spare.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And taking the topmost note from the bundle he held it out to Pyotr Ilyitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I shan't have change enough. Haven't you less?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; said Mitya, looking again at the bundle, and as though not trusting his own words he turned over two or three of the topmost ones.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, they're all alike,&#8221; he added, and again he looked inquiringly at Pyotr Ilyitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How have you grown so rich?&#8221; the latter asked. &#8220;Wait, I'll send my boy to Plotnikov's, they close late&#8212;to see if they won't change it. Here, Misha!&#8221; he called into the passage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To Plotnikov's shop&#8212;first-rate!&#8221; cried Mitya, as though struck by an idea. &#8220;Misha,&#8221; he turned to the boy as he came in, &#8220;look here, run to Plotnikov's and tell them that Dmitri Fyodorovitch sends his greetings, and will be there directly.... But listen, listen, tell them to have champagne, three dozen bottles, ready before I come, and packed as it was to take to Mokroe. I took four dozen with me then,&#8221; he added (suddenly addressing Pyotr Ilyitch); &#8220;they know all about it, don't you trouble, Misha,&#8221; he turned again to the boy. &#8220;Stay, listen; tell them to put in cheese, Strasburg pies, smoked fish, ham, caviare, and everything, everything they've got, up to a hundred roubles, or a hundred and twenty as before.... But wait: don't let them forget dessert, sweets, pears, water-melons, two or three or four&#8212;no, one melon's enough, and chocolate, candy, toffee, fondants; in fact, everything I took to Mokroe before, three hundred roubles' worth with the champagne ... let it be just the same again. And remember, Misha, if you are called Misha&#8212;His name is Misha, isn't it?&#8221; He turned to Pyotr Ilyitch again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wait a minute,&#8221; Protr Ilyitch intervened, listening and watching him uneasily, &#8220;you'd better go yourself and tell them. He'll muddle it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He will, I see he will! Eh, Misha! Why, I was going to kiss you for the commission.... If you don't make a mistake, there's ten roubles for you, run along, make haste.... Champagne's the chief thing, let them bring up champagne. And brandy, too, and red and white wine, and all I had then.... They know what I had then.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But listen!&#8221; Pyotr Ilyitch interrupted with some impatience. &#8220;I say, let him simply run and change the money and tell them not to close, and you go and tell them.... Give him your note. Be off, Misha! Put your best leg forward!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pyotr Ilyitch seemed to hurry Misha off on purpose, because the boy remained standing with his mouth and eyes wide open, apparently understanding little of Mitya's orders, gazing up with amazement and terror at his blood-stained face and the trembling bloodstained fingers that held the notes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, now come and wash,&#8221; said Pyotr Ilyitch sternly. &#8220;Put the money on the table or else in your pocket.... That's right, come along. But take off your coat.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And beginning to help him off with his coat, he cried out again:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Look, your coat's covered with blood, too!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That ... it's not the coat. It's only a little here on the sleeve.... And that's only here where the handkerchief lay. It must have soaked through. I must have sat on the handkerchief at Fenya's, and the blood's come through,&#8221; Mitya explained at once with a childlike unconsciousness that was astounding. Pyotr Ilyitch listened, frowning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you must have been up to something; you must have been fighting with someone,&#8221; he muttered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They began to wash. Pyotr Ilyitch held the jug and poured out the water. Mitya, in desperate haste, scarcely soaped his hands (they were trembling, and Pyotr Ilyitch remembered it afterwards). But the young official insisted on his soaping them thoroughly and rubbing them more. He seemed to exercise more and more sway over Mitya, as time went on. It may be noted in passing that he was a young man of sturdy character.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Look, you haven't got your nails clean. Now rub your face; here, on your temples, by your ear.... Will you go in that shirt? Where are you going? Look, all the cuff of your right sleeve is covered with blood.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it's all bloody,&#8221; observed Mitya, looking at the cuff of his shirt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then change your shirt.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I haven't time. You see I'll ...&#8221; Mitya went on with the same confiding ingenuousness, drying his face and hands on the towel, and putting on his coat. &#8220;I'll turn it up at the wrist. It won't be seen under the coat.... You see!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me now, what game have you been up to? Have you been fighting with some one? In the tavern again, as before? Have you been beating that captain again?&#8221; Pyotr Ilyitch asked him reproachfully. &#8220;Whom have you been beating now ... or killing, perhaps?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nonsense!&#8221; said Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why &#8216;nonsense'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't worry,&#8221; said Mitya, and he suddenly laughed. &#8220;I smashed an old woman in the market-place just now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Smashed? An old woman?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;An old man!&#8221; cried Mitya, looking Pyotr Ilyitch straight in the face, laughing, and shouting at him as though he were deaf.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Confound it! An old woman, an old man.... Have you killed some one?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We made it up. We had a row&#8212;and made it up. In a place I know of. We parted friends. A fool.... He's forgiven me.... He's sure to have forgiven me by now ... if he had got up, he wouldn't have forgiven me&#8221;&#8212;Mitya suddenly winked&#8212;&#8220;only damn him, you know, I say, Pyotr Ilyitch, damn him! Don't worry about him! I don't want to just now!&#8221; Mitya snapped out, resolutely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Whatever do you want to go picking quarrels with every one for? ... Just as you did with that captain over some nonsense.... You've been fighting and now you're rushing off on the spree&#8212;that's you all over! Three dozen champagne&#8212;what do you want all that for?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bravo! Now give me the pistols. Upon my honor I've no time now. I should like to have a chat with you, my dear boy, but I haven't the time. And there's no need, it's too late for talking. Where's my money? Where have I put it?&#8221; he cried, thrusting his hands into his pockets.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You put it on the table ... yourself.... Here it is. Had you forgotten? Money's like dirt or water to you, it seems. Here are your pistols. It's an odd thing, at six o'clock you pledged them for ten roubles, and now you've got thousands. Two or three I should say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Three, you bet,&#8221; laughed Mitya, stuffing the notes into the side-pocket of his trousers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'll lose it like that. Have you found a gold-mine?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The mines? The gold-mines?&#8221; Mitya shouted at the top of his voice and went off into a roar of laughter. &#8220;Would you like to go to the mines, Perhotin? There's a lady here who'll stump up three thousand for you, if only you'll go. She did it for me, she's so awfully fond of gold-mines. Do you know Madame Hohlakov?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know her, but I've heard of her and seen her. Did she really give you three thousand? Did she really?&#8221; said Pyotr Ilyitch, eyeing him dubiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As soon as the sun rises to-morrow, as soon as Ph&#339;bus, ever young, flies upwards, praising and glorifying God, you go to her, this Madame Hohlakov, and ask her whether she did stump up that three thousand or not. Try and find out.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know on what terms you are ... since you say it so positively, I suppose she did give it to you. You've got the money in your hand, but instead of going to Siberia you're spending it all.... Where are you really off to now, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To Mokroe.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To Mokroe? But it's night!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Once the lad had all, now the lad has naught,&#8221; cried Mitya suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How &#8216;naught'? You say that with all those thousands!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm not talking about thousands. Damn thousands! I'm talking of the female character.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Fickle is the heart of woman&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Treacherous and full of vice;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I agree with Ulysses. That's what he says.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't understand you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Am I drunk?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not drunk, but worse.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm drunk in spirit, Pyotr Ilyitch, drunk in spirit! But that's enough!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you doing, loading the pistol?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm loading the pistol.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Unfastening the pistol-case, Mitya actually opened the powder horn, and carefully sprinkled and rammed in the charge. Then he took the bullet and, before inserting it, held it in two fingers in front of the candle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are you looking at the bullet?&#8221; asked Pyotr Ilyitch, watching him with uneasy curiosity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, a fancy. Why, if you meant to put that bullet in your brain, would you look at it or not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why look at it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's going into my brain, so it's interesting to look and see what it's like. But that's foolishness, a moment's foolishness. Now that's done,&#8221; he added, putting in the bullet and driving it home with the ramrod. &#8220;Pyotr Ilyitch, my dear fellow, that's nonsense, all nonsense, and if only you knew what nonsense! Give me a little piece of paper now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here's some paper.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, a clean new piece, writing-paper. That's right.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And taking a pen from the table, Mitya rapidly wrote two lines, folded the paper in four, and thrust it in his waistcoat pocket. He put the pistols in the case, locked it up, and kept it in his hand. Then he looked at Pyotr Ilyitch with a slow, thoughtful smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, let's go.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where are we going? No, wait a minute.... Are you thinking of putting that bullet in your brain, perhaps?&#8221; Pyotr Ilyitch asked uneasily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was fooling about the bullet! I want to live. I love life! You may be sure of that. I love golden-haired Ph&#339;bus and his warm light.... Dear Pyotr Ilyitch, do you know how to step aside?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean by &#8216;stepping aside'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Making way. Making way for a dear creature, and for one I hate. And to let the one I hate become dear&#8212;that's what making way means! And to say to them: God bless you, go your way, pass on, while I&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;While you&#8212;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's enough, let's go.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Upon my word. I'll tell someone to prevent your going there,&#8221; said Pyotr Ilyitch, looking at him. &#8220;What are you going to Mokroe for, now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's a woman there, a woman. That's enough for you. You shut up.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, though you're such a savage I've always liked you.... I feel anxious.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thanks, old fellow. I'm a savage you say. Savages, savages! That's what I am always saying. Savages! Why, here's Misha! I was forgetting him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Misha ran in, post-haste, with a handful of notes in change, and reported that every one was in a bustle at the Plotnikovs'; &#8220;They're carrying down the bottles, and the fish, and the tea; it will all be ready directly.&#8221; Mitya seized ten roubles and handed it to Pyotr Ilyitch, then tossed another ten-rouble note to Misha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't dare to do such a thing!&#8221; cried Pyotr Ilyitch. &#8220;I won't have it in my house, it's a bad, demoralizing habit. Put your money away. Here, put it here, why waste it? It would come in handy to-morrow, and I dare say you'll be coming to me to borrow ten roubles again. Why do you keep putting the notes in your side-pocket? Ah, you'll lose them!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I say, my dear fellow, let's go to Mokroe together.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What should I go for?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I say, let's open a bottle at once, and drink to life! I want to drink, and especially to drink with you. I've never drunk with you, have I?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well, we can go to the &#8216;Metropolis.' I was just going there.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I haven't time for that. Let's drink at the Plotnikovs', in the back room. Shall I ask you a riddle?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ask away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya took the piece of paper out of his waistcoat pocket, unfolded it and showed it. In a large, distinct hand was written: &#8220;I punish myself for my whole life, my whole life I punish!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will certainly speak to someone, I'll go at once,&#8221; said Pyotr Ilyitch, after reading the paper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You won't have time, dear boy, come and have a drink. March!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Plotnikov's shop was at the corner of the street, next door but one to Pyotr Ilyitch's. It was the largest grocery shop in our town, and by no means a bad one, belonging to some rich merchants. They kept everything that could be got in a Petersburg shop, grocery of all sort, wines &#8220;bottled by the brothers Eliseyev,&#8221; fruits, cigars, tea, coffee, sugar, and so on. There were three shop-assistants and two errand boys always employed. Though our part of the country had grown poorer, the landowners had gone away, and trade had got worse, yet the grocery stores flourished as before, every year with increasing prosperity; there were plenty of purchasers for their goods.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were awaiting Mitya with impatience in the shop. They had vivid recollections of how he had bought, three or four weeks ago, wine and goods of all sorts to the value of several hundred roubles, paid for in cash (they would never have let him have anything on credit, of course). They remembered that then, as now, he had had a bundle of hundred-rouble notes in his hand, and had scattered them at random, without bargaining, without reflecting, or caring to reflect what use so much wine and provisions would be to him. The story was told all over the town that, driving off then with Grushenka to Mokroe, he had &#8220;spent three thousand in one night and the following day, and had come back from the spree without a penny.&#8221; He had picked up a whole troop of gypsies (encamped in our neighborhood at the time), who for two days got money without stint out of him while he was drunk, and drank expensive wine without stint. People used to tell, laughing at Mitya, how he had given champagne to grimy-handed peasants, and feasted the village women and girls on sweets and Strasburg pies. Though to laugh at Mitya to his face was rather a risky proceeding, there was much laughter behind his back, especially in the tavern, at his own ingenuous public avowal that all he had got out of Grushenka by this &#8220;escapade&#8221; was &#8220;permission to kiss her foot, and that was the utmost she had allowed him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
By the time Mitya and Pyotr Ilyitch reached the shop, they found a cart with three horses harnessed abreast with bells, and with Andrey, the driver, ready waiting for Mitya at the entrance. In the shop they had almost entirely finished packing one box of provisions, and were only waiting for Mitya's arrival to nail it down and put it in the cart. Pyotr Ilyitch was astounded.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where did this cart come from in such a hurry?&#8221; he asked Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I met Andrey as I ran to you, and told him to drive straight here to the shop. There's no time to lose. Last time I drove with Timofey, but Timofey now has gone on before me with the witch. Shall we be very late, Andrey?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They'll only get there an hour at most before us, not even that maybe. I got Timofey ready to start. I know how he'll go. Their pace won't be ours, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. How could it be? They won't get there an hour earlier!&#8221; Andrey, a lanky, red-haired, middle-aged driver, wearing a full-skirted coat, and with a kaftan on his arm, replied warmly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fifty roubles for vodka if we're only an hour behind them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I warrant the time, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. Ech, they won't be half an hour before us, let alone an hour.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though Mitya bustled about seeing after things, he gave his orders strangely, as it were disconnectedly, and inconsecutively. He began a sentence and forgot the end of it. Pyotr Ilyitch found himself obliged to come to the rescue.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Four hundred roubles' worth, not less than four hundred roubles' worth, just as it was then,&#8221; commanded Mitya. &#8220;Four dozen champagne, not a bottle less.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you want with so much? What's it for? Stay!&#8221; cried Pyotr Ilyitch. &#8220;What's this box? What's in it? Surely there isn't four hundred roubles' worth here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The officious shopmen began explaining with oily politeness that the first box contained only half a dozen bottles of champagne, and only &#8220;the most indispensable articles,&#8221; such as savories, sweets, toffee, etc. But the main part of the goods ordered would be packed and sent off, as on the previous occasion, in a special cart also with three horses traveling at full speed, so that it would arrive not more than an hour later than Dmitri Fyodorovitch himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not more than an hour! Not more than an hour! And put in more toffee and fondants. The girls there are so fond of it,&#8221; Mitya insisted hotly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The fondants are all right. But what do you want with four dozen of champagne? One would be enough,&#8221; said Pyotr Ilyitch, almost angry. He began bargaining, asking for a bill of the goods, and refused to be satisfied. But he only succeeded in saving a hundred roubles. In the end it was agreed that only three hundred roubles' worth should be sent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you may go to the devil!&#8221; cried Pyotr Ilyitch, on second thoughts. &#8220;What's it to do with me? Throw away your money, since it's cost you nothing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This way, my economist, this way, don't be angry.&#8221; Mitya drew him into a room at the back of the shop. &#8220;They'll give us a bottle here directly. We'll taste it. Ech, Pyotr Ilyitch, come along with me, for you're a nice fellow, the sort I like.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya sat down on a wicker chair, before a little table, covered with a dirty dinner-napkin. Pyotr Ilyitch sat down opposite, and the champagne soon appeared, and oysters were suggested to the gentlemen. &#8220;First-class oysters, the last lot in.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hang the oysters. I don't eat them. And we don't need anything,&#8221; cried Pyotr Ilyitch, almost angrily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's no time for oysters,&#8221; said Mitya. &#8220;And I'm not hungry. Do you know, friend,&#8221; he said suddenly, with feeling, &#8220;I never have liked all this disorder.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who does like it? Three dozen of champagne for peasants, upon my word, that's enough to make anyone angry!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's not what I mean. I'm talking of a higher order. There's no order in me, no higher order. But ... that's all over. There's no need to grieve about it. It's too late, damn it! My whole life has been disorder, and one must set it in order. Is that a pun, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're raving, not making puns!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Glory be to God in Heaven,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Glory be to God in me.&#8230;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;That verse came from my heart once, it's not a verse, but a tear.... I made it myself ... not while I was pulling the captain's beard, though....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why do you bring him in all of a sudden?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why do I bring him in? Foolery! All things come to an end; all things are made equal. That's the long and short of it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know, I keep thinking of your pistols.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's all foolery, too! Drink, and don't be fanciful. I love life. I've loved life too much, shamefully much. Enough! Let's drink to life, dear boy, I propose the toast. Why am I pleased with myself? I'm a scoundrel, but I'm satisfied with myself. And yet I'm tortured by the thought that I'm a scoundrel, but satisfied with myself. I bless the creation. I'm ready to bless God and His creation directly, but ... I must kill one noxious insect for fear it should crawl and spoil life for others.... Let us drink to life, dear brother. What can be more precious than life? Nothing! To life, and to one queen of queens!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let's drink to life and to your queen, too, if you like.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They drank a glass each. Although Mitya was excited and expansive, yet he was melancholy, too. It was as though some heavy, overwhelming anxiety were weighing upon him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Misha ... here's your Misha come! Misha, come here, my boy, drink this glass to Ph&#339;bus, the golden-haired, of to-morrow morn....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you giving it him for?&#8221; cried Pyotr Ilyitch, irritably.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, yes, let me! I want to!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;E&#8212;ech!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Misha emptied the glass, bowed, and ran out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He'll remember it afterwards,&#8221; Mitya remarked. &#8220;Woman, I love woman! What is woman? The queen of creation! My heart is sad, my heart is sad, Pyotr Ilyitch. Do you remember Hamlet? &#8216;I am very sorry, good Horatio! Alas, poor Yorick!' Perhaps that's me, Yorick? Yes, I'm Yorick now, and a skull afterwards.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pyotr Ilyitch listened in silence. Mitya, too, was silent for a while.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What dog's that you've got here?&#8221; he asked the shopman, casually, noticing a pretty little lap-dog with dark eyes, sitting in the corner.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It belongs to Varvara Alexyevna, the mistress,&#8221; answered the clerk. &#8220;She brought it and forgot it here. It must be taken back to her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I saw one like it ... in the regiment ...&#8221; murmured Mitya dreamily, &#8220;only that one had its hind leg broken.... By the way, Pyotr Ilyitch, I wanted to ask you: have you ever stolen anything in your life?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a question!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I didn't mean anything. From somebody's pocket, you know. I don't mean government money, everyone steals that, and no doubt you do, too....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You go to the devil.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm talking of other people's money. Stealing straight out of a pocket? Out of a purse, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I stole twenty copecks from my mother when I was nine years old. I took it off the table on the sly, and held it tight in my hand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and what happened?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, nothing. I kept it three days, then I felt ashamed, confessed, and gave it back.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Naturally I was whipped. But why do you ask? Have you stolen something?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have,&#8221; said Mitya, winking slyly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What have you stolen?&#8221; inquired Pyotr Ilyitch curiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I stole twenty copecks from my mother when I was nine years old, and gave it back three days after.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As he said this, Mitya suddenly got up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dmitri Fyodorovitch, won't you come now?&#8221; called Andrey from the door of the shop.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you ready? We'll come!&#8221; Mitya started. &#8220;A few more last words and&#8212;Andrey, a glass of vodka at starting. Give him some brandy as well! That box&#8221; (the one with the pistols) &#8220;put under my seat. Good-by, Pyotr Ilyitch, don't remember evil against me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you're coming back to-morrow?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Will you settle the little bill now?&#8221; cried the clerk, springing forward.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, the bill. Of course.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He pulled the bundle of notes out of his pocket again, picked out three hundred roubles, threw them on the counter, and ran hurriedly out of the shop. Everyone followed him out, bowing and wishing him good luck. Andrey, coughing from the brandy he had just swallowed, jumped up on the box. But Mitya was only just taking his seat when suddenly to his surprise he saw Fenya before him. She ran up panting, clasped her hands before him with a cry, and plumped down at his feet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dmitri Fyodorovitch, dear good Dmitri Fyodorovitch, don't harm my mistress. And it was I told you all about it.... And don't murder him, he came first, he's hers! He'll marry Agrafena Alexandrovna now. That's why he's come back from Siberia. Dmitri Fyodorovitch, dear, don't take a fellow creature's life!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tut&#8212;tut&#8212;tut! That's it, is it? So you're off there to make trouble!&#8221; muttered Pyotr Ilyitch. &#8220;Now, it's all clear, as clear as daylight. Dmitri Fyodorovitch, give me your pistols at once if you mean to behave like a man,&#8221; he shouted aloud to Mitya. &#8220;Do you hear, Dmitri?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The pistols? Wait a bit, brother, I'll throw them into the pool on the road,&#8221; answered Mitya. &#8220;Fenya, get up, don't kneel to me. Mitya won't hurt any one, the silly fool won't hurt anyone again. But I say, Fenya,&#8221; he shouted, after having taken his seat. &#8220;I hurt you just now, so forgive me and have pity on me, forgive a scoundrel.... But it doesn't matter if you don't. It's all the same now. Now then, Andrey, look alive, fly along full speed!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Andrey whipped up the horses, and the bells began ringing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by, Pyotr Ilyitch! My last tear is for you!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's not drunk, but he keeps babbling like a lunatic,&#8221; Pyotr Ilyitch thought as he watched him go. He had half a mind to stay and see the cart packed with the remaining wines and provisions, knowing that they would deceive and defraud Mitya. But, suddenly feeling vexed with himself, he turned away with a curse and went to the tavern to play billiards.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's a fool, though he's a good fellow,&#8221; he muttered as he went. &#8220;I've heard of that officer, Grushenka's former flame. Well, if he has turned up.... Ech, those pistols! Damn it all! I'm not his nurse! Let them do what they like! Besides, it'll all come to nothing. They're a set of brawlers, that's all. They'll drink and fight, fight and make friends again. They are not men who do anything real. What does he mean by &#8216;I'm stepping aside, I'm punishing myself?' It'll come to nothing! He's shouted such phrases a thousand times, drunk, in the taverns. But now he's not drunk. &#8216;Drunk in spirit'&#8212;they're fond of fine phrases, the villains. Am I his nurse? He must have been fighting, his face was all over blood. With whom? I shall find out at the &#8216;Metropolis.' And his handkerchief was soaked in blood.... It's still lying on my floor.... Hang it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He reached the tavern in a bad humor and at once made up a game. The game cheered him. He played a second game, and suddenly began telling one of his partners that Dmitri Karamazov had come in for some cash again&#8212;something like three thousand roubles, and had gone to Mokroe again to spend it with Grushenka.... This news roused singular interest in his listeners. They all spoke of it, not laughing, but with a strange gravity. They left off playing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Three thousand? But where can he have got three thousand?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Questions were asked. The story of Madame Hohlakov's present was received with skepticism.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hasn't he robbed his old father?&#8212;that's the question.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Three thousand! There's something odd about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He boasted aloud that he would kill his father; we all heard him, here. And it was three thousand he talked about ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pyotr Ilyitch listened. All at once he became short and dry in his answers. He said not a word about the blood on Mitya's face and hands, though he had meant to speak of it at first.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They began a third game, and by degrees the talk about Mitya died away. But by the end of the third game, Pyotr Ilyitch felt no more desire for billiards; he laid down the cue, and without having supper as he had intended, he walked out of the tavern. When he reached the market-place he stood still in perplexity, wondering at himself. He realized that what he wanted was to go to Fyodor Pavlovitch's and find out if anything had happened there. &#8220;On account of some stupid nonsense&#8212;as it's sure to turn out&#8212;am I going to wake up the household and make a scandal? Fooh! damn it, is it my business to look after them?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In a very bad humor he went straight home, and suddenly remembered Fenya. &#8220;Damn it all! I ought to have questioned her just now,&#8221; he thought with vexation, &#8220;I should have heard everything.&#8221; And the desire to speak to her, and so find out, became so pressing and importunate that when he was half-way home he turned abruptly and went towards the house where Grushenka lodged. Going up to the gate he knocked. The sound of the knock in the silence of the night sobered him and made him feel annoyed. And no one answered him; every one in the house was asleep.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I shall be making a fuss!&#8221; he thought, with a feeling of positive discomfort. But instead of going away altogether, he fell to knocking again with all his might, filling the street with clamor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not coming? Well, I will knock them up, I will!&#8221; he muttered at each knock, fuming at himself, but at the same time he redoubled his knocks on the gate.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI. &#8220;I AM COMING, TOO!&#8221;&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But Dmitri Fyodorovitch was speeding along the road. It was a little more than twenty versts to Mokroe, but Andrey's three horses galloped at such a pace that the distance might be covered in an hour and a quarter. The swift motion revived Mitya. The air was fresh and cool, there were big stars shining in the sky. It was the very night, and perhaps the very hour, in which Alyosha fell on the earth, and rapturously swore to love it for ever and ever.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All was confusion, confusion, in Mitya's soul, but although many things were goading his heart, at that moment his whole being was yearning for her, his queen, to whom he was flying to look on her for the last time. One thing I can say for certain; his heart did not waver for one instant. I shall perhaps not be believed when I say that this jealous lover felt not the slightest jealousy of this new rival, who seemed to have sprung out of the earth. If any other had appeared on the scene, he would have been jealous at once, and would perhaps have stained his fierce hands with blood again. But as he flew through the night, he felt no envy, no hostility even, for the man who had been her first lover.... It is true he had not yet seen him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here there was no room for dispute: it was her right and his; this was her first love which, after five years, she had not forgotten; so she had loved him only for those five years, and I, how do I come in? What right have I? Step aside, Mitya, and make way! What am I now? Now everything is over apart from the officer&#8212;even if he had not appeared, everything would be over ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
These words would roughly have expressed his feelings, if he had been capable of reasoning. But he could not reason at that moment. His present plan of action had arisen without reasoning. At Fenya's first words, it had sprung from feeling, and been adopted in a flash, with all its consequences. And yet, in spite of his resolution, there was confusion in his soul, an agonizing confusion: his resolution did not give him peace. There was so much behind that tortured him. And it seemed strange to him, at moments, to think that he had written his own sentence of death with pen and paper: &#8220;I punish myself,&#8221; and the paper was lying there in his pocket, ready; the pistol was loaded; he had already resolved how, next morning, he would meet the first warm ray of &#8220;golden-haired Ph&#339;bus.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And yet he could not be quit of the past, of all that he had left behind and that tortured him. He felt that miserably, and the thought of it sank into his heart with despair. There was one moment when he felt an impulse to stop Andrey, to jump out of the cart, to pull out his loaded pistol, and to make an end of everything without waiting for the dawn. But that moment flew by like a spark. The horses galloped on, &#8220;devouring space,&#8221; and as he drew near his goal, again the thought of her, of her alone, took more and more complete possession of his soul, chasing away the fearful images that had been haunting it. Oh, how he longed to look upon her, if only for a moment, if only from a distance!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's now with &lt;i&gt;him&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; he thought, &#8220;now I shall see what she looks like with him, her first love, and that's all I want.&#8221; Never had this woman, who was such a fateful influence in his life, aroused such love in his breast, such new and unknown feeling, surprising even to himself, a feeling tender to devoutness, to self-effacement before her! &#8220;I will efface myself!&#8221; he said, in a rush of almost hysterical ecstasy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They had been galloping nearly an hour. Mitya was silent, and though Andrey was, as a rule, a talkative peasant, he did not utter a word, either. He seemed afraid to talk, he only whipped up smartly his three lean, but mettlesome, bay horses. Suddenly Mitya cried out in horrible anxiety:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Andrey! What if they're asleep?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This thought fell upon him like a blow. It had not occurred to him before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It may well be that they're gone to bed, by now, Dmitri Fyodorovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya frowned as though in pain. Yes, indeed ... he was rushing there ... with such feelings ... while they were asleep ... she was asleep, perhaps, there too.... An angry feeling surged up in his heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Drive on, Andrey! Whip them up! Look alive!&#8221; he cried, beside himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But maybe they're not in bed!&#8221; Andrey went on after a pause. &#8220;Timofey said they were a lot of them there&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At the station?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not at the posting-station, but at Plastunov's, at the inn, where they let out horses, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know. So you say there are a lot of them? How's that? Who are they?&#8221; cried Mitya, greatly dismayed at this unexpected news.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Timofey was saying they're all gentlefolk. Two from our town&#8212;who they are I can't say&#8212;and there are two others, strangers, maybe more besides. I didn't ask particularly. They've set to playing cards, so Timofey said.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Cards?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So, maybe they're not in bed if they're at cards. It's most likely not more than eleven.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quicker, Andrey! Quicker!&#8221; Mitya cried again, nervously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;May I ask you something, sir?&#8221; said Andrey, after a pause. &#8220;Only I'm afraid of angering you, sir.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, Fenya threw herself at your feet just now, and begged you not to harm her mistress, and some one else, too ... so you see, sir&#8212; It's I am taking you there ... forgive me, sir, it's my conscience ... maybe it's stupid of me to speak of it&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya suddenly seized him by the shoulders from behind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you a driver?&#8221; he asked frantically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, sir.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then you know that one has to make way. What would you say to a driver who wouldn't make way for any one, but would just drive on and crush people? No, a driver mustn't run over people. One can't run over a man. One can't spoil people's lives. And if you have spoilt a life&#8212;punish yourself.... If only you've spoilt, if only you've ruined any one's life&#8212;punish yourself and go away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
These phrases burst from Mitya almost hysterically. Though Andrey was surprised at him, he kept up the conversation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's right, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, you're quite right, one mustn't crush or torment a man, or any kind of creature, for every creature is created by God. Take a horse, for instance, for some folks, even among us drivers, drive anyhow. Nothing will restrain them, they just force it along.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To hell?&#8221; Mitya interrupted, and went off into his abrupt, short laugh. &#8220;Andrey, simple soul,&#8221; he seized him by the shoulders again, &#8220;tell me, will Dmitri Fyodorovitch Karamazov go to hell, or not, what do you think?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know, darling, it depends on you, for you are ... you see, sir, when the Son of God was nailed on the Cross and died, He went straight down to hell from the Cross, and set free all sinners that were in agony. And the devil groaned, because he thought that he would get no more sinners in hell. And God said to him, then, &#8216;Don't groan, for you shall have all the mighty of the earth, the rulers, the chief judges, and the rich men, and shall be filled up as you have been in all the ages till I come again.' Those were His very words ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A peasant legend! Capital! Whip up the left, Andrey!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you see, sir, who it is hell's for,&#8221; said Andrey, whipping up the left horse, &#8220;but you're like a little child ... that's how we look on you ... and though you're hasty-tempered, sir, yet God will forgive you for your kind heart.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you, do you forgive me, Andrey?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What should I forgive you for, sir? You've never done me any harm.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, for every one, for every one, you here alone, on the road, will you forgive me for every one? Speak, simple peasant heart!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, sir! I feel afraid of driving you, your talk is so strange.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Mitya did not hear. He was frantically praying and muttering to himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lord, receive me, with all my lawlessness, and do not condemn me. Let me pass by Thy judgment ... do not condemn me, for I have condemned myself, do not condemn me, for I love Thee, O Lord. I am a wretch, but I love Thee. If Thou sendest me to hell, I shall love Thee there, and from there I shall cry out that I love Thee for ever and ever.... But let me love to the end.... Here and now for just five hours ... till the first light of Thy day ... for I love the queen of my soul ... I love her and I cannot help loving her. Thou seest my whole heart.... I shall gallop up, I shall fall before her and say, &#8216;You are right to pass on and leave me. Farewell and forget your victim ... never fret yourself about me!' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mokroe!&#8221; cried Andrey, pointing ahead with his whip.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Through the pale darkness of the night loomed a solid black mass of buildings, flung down, as it were, in the vast plain. The village of Mokroe numbered two thousand inhabitants, but at that hour all were asleep, and only here and there a few lights still twinkled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Drive on, Andrey, I come!&#8221; Mitya exclaimed, feverishly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They're not asleep,&#8221; said Andrey again, pointing with his whip to the Plastunovs' inn, which was at the entrance to the village. The six windows, looking on the street, were all brightly lighted up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They're not asleep,&#8221; Mitya repeated joyously. &#8220;Quicker, Andrey! Gallop! Drive up with a dash! Set the bells ringing! Let all know that I have come. I'm coming! I'm coming, too!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Andrey lashed his exhausted team into a gallop, drove with a dash and pulled up his steaming, panting horses at the high flight of steps.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya jumped out of the cart just as the innkeeper, on his way to bed, peeped out from the steps curious to see who had arrived.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Trifon Borissovitch, is that you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The innkeeper bent down, looked intently, ran down the steps, and rushed up to the guest with obsequious delight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dmitri Fyodorovitch, your honor! Do I see you again?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Trifon Borissovitch was a thick-set, healthy peasant, of middle height, with a rather fat face. His expression was severe and uncompromising, especially with the peasants of Mokroe, but he had the power of assuming the most obsequious countenance, when he had an inkling that it was to his interest. He dressed in Russian style, with a shirt buttoning down on one side, and a full-skirted coat. He had saved a good sum of money, but was for ever dreaming of improving his position. More than half the peasants were in his clutches, every one in the neighborhood was in debt to him. From the neighboring landowners he bought and rented lands which were worked by the peasants, in payment of debts which they could never shake off. He was a widower, with four grown-up daughters. One of them was already a widow and lived in the inn with her two children, his grandchildren, and worked for him like a charwoman. Another of his daughters was married to a petty official, and in one of the rooms of the inn, on the wall could be seen, among the family photographs, a miniature photograph of this official in uniform and official epaulettes. The two younger daughters used to wear fashionable blue or green dresses, fitting tight at the back, and with trains a yard long, on Church holidays or when they went to pay visits. But next morning they would get up at dawn, as usual, sweep out the rooms with a birch-broom, empty the slops, and clean up after lodgers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In spite of the thousands of roubles he had saved, Trifon Borissovitch was very fond of emptying the pockets of a drunken guest, and remembering that not a month ago he had, in twenty-four hours, made two if not three hundred roubles out of Dmitri, when he had come on his escapade with Grushenka, he met him now with eager welcome, scenting his prey the moment Mitya drove up to the steps.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dmitri Fyodorovitch, dear sir, we see you once more!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay, Trifon Borissovitch,&#8221; began Mitya, &#8220;first and foremost, where is she?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Agrafena Alexandrovna?&#8221; The inn-keeper understood at once, looking sharply into Mitya's face. &#8220;She's here, too ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;With whom? With whom?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Some strangers. One is an official gentleman, a Pole, to judge from his speech. He sent the horses for her from here; and there's another with him, a friend of his, or a fellow traveler, there's no telling. They're dressed like civilians.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, are they feasting? Have they money?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Poor sort of a feast! Nothing to boast of, Dmitri Fyodorovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing to boast of? And who are the others?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They're two gentlemen from the town.... They've come back from Tcherny, and are putting up here. One's quite a young gentleman, a relative of Mr. Mi&#252;sov, he must be, but I've forgotten his name ... and I expect you know the other, too, a gentleman called Maximov. He's been on a pilgrimage, so he says, to the monastery in the town. He's traveling with this young relation of Mr. Mi&#252;sov.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is that all?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay, listen, Trifon Borissovitch. Tell me the chief thing: What of her? How is she?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, she's only just come. She's sitting with them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is she cheerful? Is she laughing?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I think she's not laughing much. She's sitting quite dull. She's combing the young gentleman's hair.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The Pole&#8212;the officer?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's not young, and he's not an officer, either. Not him, sir. It's the young gentleman that's Mr. Mi&#252;sov's relation ... I've forgotten his name.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kalganov.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's it, Kalganov!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right. I'll see for myself. Are they playing cards?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They have been playing, but they've left off. They've been drinking tea, the official gentleman asked for liqueurs.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay, Trifon Borissovitch, stay, my good soul, I'll see for myself. Now answer one more question: are the gypsies here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You can't have the gypsies now, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. The authorities have sent them away. But we've Jews that play the cymbals and the fiddle in the village, so one might send for them. They'd come.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Send for them. Certainly send for them!&#8221; cried Mitya. &#8220;And you can get the girls together as you did then, Marya especially, Stepanida, too, and Arina. Two hundred roubles for a chorus!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, for a sum like that I can get all the village together, though by now they're asleep. Are the peasants here worth such kindness, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, or the girls either? To spend a sum like that on such coarseness and rudeness! What's the good of giving a peasant a cigar to smoke, the stinking ruffian! And the girls are all lousy. Besides, I'll get my daughters up for nothing, let alone a sum like that. They've only just gone to bed, I'll give them a kick and set them singing for you. You gave the peasants champagne to drink the other day, e&#8212;ech!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For all his pretended compassion for Mitya, Trifon Borissovitch had hidden half a dozen bottles of champagne on that last occasion, and had picked up a hundred-rouble note under the table, and it had remained in his clutches.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Trifon Borissovitch, I sent more than one thousand flying last time I was here. Do you remember?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You did send it flying. I may well remember. You must have left three thousand behind you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I've come to do the same again, do you see?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he pulled out his roll of notes, and held them up before the innkeeper's nose.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, listen and remember. In an hour's time the wine will arrive, savories, pies, and sweets&#8212;bring them all up at once. That box Andrey has got is to be brought up at once, too. Open it, and hand champagne immediately. And the girls, we must have the girls, Marya especially.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He turned to the cart and pulled out the box of pistols.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here, Andrey, let's settle. Here's fifteen roubles for the drive, and fifty for vodka ... for your readiness, for your love.... Remember Karamazov!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm afraid, sir,&#8221; faltered Andrey. &#8220;Give me five roubles extra, but more I won't take. Trifon Borissovitch, bear witness. Forgive my foolish words ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you afraid of?&#8221; asked Mitya, scanning him. &#8220;Well, go to the devil, if that's it!&#8221; he cried, flinging him five roubles. &#8220;Now, Trifon Borissovitch, take me up quietly and let me first get a look at them, so that they don't see me. Where are they? In the blue room?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Trifon Borissovitch looked apprehensively at Mitya, but at once obediently did his bidding. Leading him into the passage, he went himself into the first large room, adjoining that in which the visitors were sitting, and took the light away. Then he stealthily led Mitya in, and put him in a corner in the dark, whence he could freely watch the company without being seen. But Mitya did not look long, and, indeed, he could not see them, he saw her, his heart throbbed violently, and all was dark before his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was sitting sideways to the table in a low chair, and beside her, on the sofa, was the pretty youth, Kalganov. She was holding his hand and seemed to be laughing, while he, seeming vexed and not looking at her, was saying something in a loud voice to Maximov, who sat the other side of the table, facing Grushenka. Maximov was laughing violently at something. On the sofa sat &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt;, and on a chair by the sofa there was another stranger. The one on the sofa was lolling backwards, smoking a pipe, and Mitya had an impression of a stoutish, broad-faced, short little man, who was apparently angry about something. His friend, the other stranger, struck Mitya as extraordinarily tall, but he could make out nothing more. He caught his breath. He could not bear it for a minute, he put the pistol-case on a chest, and with a throbbing heart he walked, feeling cold all over, straight into the blue room to face the company.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aie!&#8221; shrieked Grushenka, the first to notice him.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII. THE FIRST AND RIGHTFUL LOVER&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;With his long, rapid strides, Mitya walked straight up to the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen,&#8221; he said in a loud voice, almost shouting, yet stammering at every word, &#8220;I ... I'm all right! Don't be afraid!&#8221; he exclaimed, &#8220;I&#8212;there's nothing the matter,&#8221; he turned suddenly to Grushenka, who had shrunk back in her chair towards Kalganov, and clasped his hand tightly. &#8220;I ... I'm coming, too. I'm here till morning. Gentlemen, may I stay with you till morning? Only till morning, for the last time, in this same room?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So he finished, turning to the fat little man, with the pipe, sitting on the sofa. The latter removed his pipe from his lips with dignity and observed severely:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Panie, we're here in private. There are other rooms.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, it's you, Dmitri Fyodorovitch! What do you mean?&#8221; answered Kalganov suddenly. &#8220;Sit down with us. How are you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Delighted to see you, dear ... and precious fellow, I always thought a lot of you.&#8221; Mitya responded, joyfully and eagerly, at once holding out his hand across the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aie! How tight you squeeze! You've quite broken my fingers,&#8221; laughed Kalganov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He always squeezes like that, always,&#8221; Grushenka put in gayly, with a timid smile, seeming suddenly convinced from Mitya's face that he was not going to make a scene. She was watching him with intense curiosity and still some uneasiness. She was impressed by something about him, and indeed the last thing she expected of him was that he would come in and speak like this at such a moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good evening,&#8221; Maximov ventured blandly on the left. Mitya rushed up to him, too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good evening. You're here, too! How glad I am to find you here, too! Gentlemen, gentlemen, I&#8212;&#8221; (He addressed the Polish gentleman with the pipe again, evidently taking him for the most important person present.) &#8220;I flew here.... I wanted to spend my last day, my last hour in this room, in this very room ... where I, too, adored ... my queen.... Forgive me, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; he cried wildly, &#8220;I flew here and vowed&#8212; Oh, don't be afraid, it's my last night! Let's drink to our good understanding. They'll bring the wine at once.... I brought this with me.&#8221; (Something made him pull out his bundle of notes.) &#8220;Allow me, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;! I want to have music, singing, a revel, as we had before. But the worm, the unnecessary worm, will crawl away, and there'll be no more of him. I will commemorate my day of joy on my last night.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was almost choking. There was so much, so much he wanted to say, but strange exclamations were all that came from his lips. The Pole gazed fixedly at him, at the bundle of notes in his hand; looked at Grushenka, and was in evident perplexity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If my suverin lady is permitting&#8212;&#8221; he was beginning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What does &#8216;suverin' mean? &#8216;Sovereign,' I suppose?&#8221; interrupted Grushenka. &#8220;I can't help laughing at you, the way you talk. Sit down, Mitya, what are you talking about? Don't frighten us, please. You won't frighten us, will you? If you won't, I am glad to see you ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Me, me frighten you?&#8221; cried Mitya, flinging up his hands. &#8220;Oh, pass me by, go your way, I won't hinder you!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And suddenly he surprised them all, and no doubt himself as well, by flinging himself on a chair, and bursting into tears, turning his head away to the opposite wall, while his arms clasped the back of the chair tight, as though embracing it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, come, what a fellow you are!&#8221; cried Grushenka reproachfully. &#8220;That's just how he comes to see me&#8212;he begins talking, and I can't make out what he means. He cried like that once before, and now he's crying again! It's shameful! Why are you crying? &lt;i&gt;As though you had anything to cry for&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; she added enigmatically, emphasizing each word with some irritability.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I ... I'm not crying.... Well, good evening!&#8221; He instantly turned round in his chair, and suddenly laughed, not his abrupt wooden laugh, but a long, quivering, inaudible nervous laugh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, there you are again.... Come, cheer up, cheer up!&#8221; Grushenka said to him persuasively. &#8220;I'm very glad you've come, very glad, Mitya, do you hear, I'm very glad! I want him to stay here with us,&#8221; she said peremptorily, addressing the whole company, though her words were obviously meant for the man sitting on the sofa. &#8220;I wish it, I wish it! And if he goes away I shall go, too!&#8221; she added with flashing eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What my queen commands is law!&#8221; pronounced the Pole, gallantly kissing Grushenka's hand. &#8220;I beg you, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;, to join our company,&#8221; he added politely, addressing Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya was jumping up with the obvious intention of delivering another tirade, but the words did not come.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let's drink, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; he blurted out instead of making a speech. Every one laughed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good heavens! I thought he was going to begin again!&#8221; Grushenka exclaimed nervously. &#8220;Do you hear, Mitya,&#8221; she went on insistently, &#8220;don't prance about, but it's nice you've brought the champagne. I want some myself, and I can't bear liqueurs. And best of all, you've come yourself. We were fearfully dull here.... You've come for a spree again, I suppose? But put your money in your pocket. Where did you get such a lot?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya had been, all this time, holding in his hand the crumpled bundle of notes on which the eyes of all, especially of the Poles, were fixed. In confusion he thrust them hurriedly into his pocket. He flushed. At that moment the innkeeper brought in an uncorked bottle of champagne, and glasses on a tray. Mitya snatched up the bottle, but he was so bewildered that he did not know what to do with it. Kalganov took it from him and poured out the champagne.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Another! Another bottle!&#8221; Mitya cried to the innkeeper, and, forgetting to clink glasses with the Pole whom he had so solemnly invited to drink to their good understanding, he drank off his glass without waiting for anyone else. His whole countenance suddenly changed. The solemn and tragic expression with which he had entered vanished completely, and a look of something childlike came into his face. He seemed to have become suddenly gentle and subdued. He looked shyly and happily at every one, with a continual nervous little laugh, and the blissful expression of a dog who has done wrong, been punished, and forgiven. He seemed to have forgotten everything, and was looking round at every one with a childlike smile of delight. He looked at Grushenka, laughing continually, and bringing his chair close up to her. By degrees he had gained some idea of the two Poles, though he had formed no definite conception of them yet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Pole on the sofa struck him by his dignified demeanor and his Polish accent; and, above all, by his pipe. &#8220;Well, what of it? It's a good thing he's smoking a pipe,&#8221; he reflected. The Pole's puffy, middle-aged face, with its tiny nose and two very thin, pointed, dyed and impudent-looking mustaches, had not so far roused the faintest doubts in Mitya. He was not even particularly struck by the Pole's absurd wig made in Siberia, with love-locks foolishly combed forward over the temples. &#8220;I suppose it's all right since he wears a wig,&#8221; he went on, musing blissfully. The other, younger Pole, who was staring insolently and defiantly at the company and listening to the conversation with silent contempt, still only impressed Mitya by his great height, which was in striking contrast to the Pole on the sofa. &#8220;If he stood up he'd be six foot three.&#8221; The thought flitted through Mitya's mind. It occurred to him, too, that this Pole must be the friend of the other, as it were, a &#8220;bodyguard,&#8221; and no doubt the big Pole was at the disposal of the little Pole with the pipe. But this all seemed to Mitya perfectly right and not to be questioned. In his mood of doglike submissiveness all feeling of rivalry had died away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grushenka's mood and the enigmatic tone of some of her words he completely failed to grasp. All he understood, with thrilling heart, was that she was kind to him, that she had forgiven him, and made him sit by her. He was beside himself with delight, watching her sip her glass of champagne. The silence of the company seemed somehow to strike him, however, and he looked round at every one with expectant eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are we sitting here though, gentlemen? Why don't you begin doing something?&#8221; his smiling eyes seemed to ask.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He keeps talking nonsense, and we were all laughing,&#8221; Kalganov began suddenly, as though divining his thought, and pointing to Maximov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya immediately stared at Kalganov and then at Maximov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's talking nonsense?&#8221; he laughed, his short, wooden laugh, seeming suddenly delighted at something&#8212;&#8220;ha ha!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. Would you believe it, he will have it that all our cavalry officers in the twenties married Polish women. That's awful rot, isn't it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Polish women?&#8221; repeated Mitya, perfectly ecstatic.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kalganov was well aware of Mitya's attitude to Grushenka, and he guessed about the Pole, too, but that did not so much interest him, perhaps did not interest him at all; what he was interested in was Maximov. He had come here with Maximov by chance, and he met the Poles here at the inn for the first time in his life. Grushenka he knew before, and had once been with some one to see her; but she had not taken to him. But here she looked at him very affectionately: before Mitya's arrival, she had been making much of him, but he seemed somehow to be unmoved by it. He was a boy, not over twenty, dressed like a dandy, with a very charming fair-skinned face, and splendid thick, fair hair. From his fair face looked out beautiful pale blue eyes, with an intelligent and sometimes even deep expression, beyond his age indeed, although the young man sometimes looked and talked quite like a child, and was not at all ashamed of it, even when he was aware of it himself. As a rule he was very willful, even capricious, though always friendly. Sometimes there was something fixed and obstinate in his expression. He would look at you and listen, seeming all the while to be persistently dreaming over something else. Often he was listless and lazy, at other times he would grow excited, sometimes, apparently, over the most trivial matters.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Only imagine, I've been taking him about with me for the last four days,&#8221; he went on, indolently drawling his words, quite naturally though, without the slightest affectation. &#8220;Ever since your brother, do you remember, shoved him off the carriage and sent him flying. That made me take an interest in him at the time, and I took him into the country, but he keeps talking such rot I'm ashamed to be with him. I'm taking him back.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The gentleman has not seen Polish ladies, and says what is impossible,&#8221; the Pole with the pipe observed to Maximov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He spoke Russian fairly well, much better, anyway, than he pretended. If he used Russian words, he always distorted them into a Polish form.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I was married to a Polish lady myself,&#8221; tittered Maximov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But did you serve in the cavalry? You were talking about the cavalry. Were you a cavalry officer?&#8221; put in Kalganov at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Was he a cavalry officer indeed? Ha ha!&#8221; cried Mitya, listening eagerly, and turning his inquiring eyes to each as he spoke, as though there were no knowing what he might hear from each.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you see,&#8221; Maximov turned to him. &#8220;What I mean is that those pretty Polish ladies ... when they danced the mazurka with our Uhlans ... when one of them dances a mazurka with a Uhlan she jumps on his knee like a kitten ... a little white one ... and the &lt;i&gt;pan&lt;/i&gt;-father and &lt;i&gt;pan&lt;/i&gt;-mother look on and allow it.... They allow it ... and next day the Uhlan comes and offers her his hand.... That's how it is ... offers her his hand, he he!&#8221; Maximov ended, tittering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The &lt;i&gt;pan&lt;/i&gt; is a &lt;i&gt;lajdak&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; the tall Pole on the chair growled suddenly and crossed one leg over the other. Mitya's eye was caught by his huge greased boot, with its thick, dirty sole. The dress of both the Poles looked rather greasy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, now it's &lt;i&gt;lajdak&lt;/i&gt;! What's he scolding about?&#8221; said Grushenka, suddenly vexed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Pani&lt;/i&gt; Agrippina, what the gentleman saw in Poland were servant girls, and not ladies of good birth,&#8221; the Pole with the pipe observed to Grushenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You can reckon on that,&#8221; the tall Pole snapped contemptuously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What next! Let him talk! People talk, why hinder them? It makes it cheerful,&#8221; Grushenka said crossly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm not hindering them, &lt;i&gt;pani&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; said the Pole in the wig, with a long look at Grushenka, and relapsing into dignified silence he sucked his pipe again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no. The Polish gentleman spoke the truth.&#8221; Kalganov got excited again, as though it were a question of vast import. &#8220;He's never been in Poland, so how can he talk about it? I suppose you weren't married in Poland, were you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, in the Province of Smolensk. Only, a Uhlan had brought her to Russia before that, my future wife, with her mamma and her aunt, and another female relation with a grown-up son. He brought her straight from Poland and gave her up to me. He was a lieutenant in our regiment, a very nice young man. At first he meant to marry her himself. But he didn't marry her, because she turned out to be lame.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you married a lame woman?&#8221; cried Kalganov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. They both deceived me a little bit at the time, and concealed it. I thought she was hopping; she kept hopping.... I thought it was for fun.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So pleased she was going to marry you!&#8221; yelled Kalganov, in a ringing, childish voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, so pleased. But it turned out to be quite a different cause. Afterwards, when we were married, after the wedding, that very evening, she confessed, and very touchingly asked forgiveness. &#8216;I once jumped over a puddle when I was a child,' she said, &#8216;and injured my leg.' He he!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kalganov went off into the most childish laughter, almost falling on the sofa. Grushenka, too, laughed. Mitya was at the pinnacle of happiness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know, that's the truth, he's not lying now,&#8221; exclaimed Kalganov, turning to Mitya; &#8220;and do you know, he's been married twice; it's his first wife he's talking about. But his second wife, do you know, ran away, and is alive now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is it possible?&#8221; said Mitya, turning quickly to Maximov with an expression of the utmost astonishment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. She did run away. I've had that unpleasant experience,&#8221; Maximov modestly assented, &#8220;with a &lt;i&gt;monsieur&lt;/i&gt;. And what was worse, she'd had all my little property transferred to her beforehand. &#8216;You're an educated man,' she said to me. &#8216;You can always get your living.' She settled my business with that. A venerable bishop once said to me: &#8216;One of your wives was lame, but the other was too light-footed.' He he!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, listen!&#8221; cried Kalganov, bubbling over, &#8220;if he's telling lies&#8212;and he often is&#8212;he's only doing it to amuse us all. There's no harm in that, is there? You know, I sometimes like him. He's awfully low, but it's natural to him, eh? Don't you think so? Some people are low from self-interest, but he's simply so, from nature. Only fancy, he claims (he was arguing about it all the way yesterday) that Gogol wrote &lt;i&gt;Dead Souls&lt;/i&gt; about him. Do you remember, there's a landowner called Maximov in it, whom Nozdryov thrashed. He was charged, do you remember, &#8216;for inflicting bodily injury with rods on the landowner Maximov in a drunken condition.' Would you believe it, he claims that he was that Maximov and that he was beaten! Now can it be so? Tchitchikov made his journey, at the very latest, at the beginning of the twenties, so that the dates don't fit. He couldn't have been thrashed then, he couldn't, could he?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was difficult to imagine what Kalganov was excited about, but his excitement was genuine. Mitya followed his lead without protest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, but if they did thrash him!&#8221; he cried, laughing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not that they thrashed me exactly, but what I mean is&#8212;&#8221; put in Maximov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean? Either they thrashed you or they didn't.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What o'clock is it, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;?&#8221; the Pole, with the pipe, asked his tall friend, with a bored expression. The other shrugged his shoulders in reply. Neither of them had a watch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not talk? Let other people talk. Mustn't other people talk because you're bored?&#8221; Grushenka flew at him with evident intention of finding fault. Something seemed for the first time to flash upon Mitya's mind. This time the Pole answered with unmistakable irritability.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pani, I didn't oppose it. I didn't say anything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right then. Come, tell us your story,&#8221; Grushenka cried to Maximov. &#8220;Why are you all silent?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's nothing to tell, it's all so foolish,&#8221; answered Maximov at once, with evident satisfaction, mincing a little. &#8220;Besides, all that's by way of allegory in Gogol, for he's made all the names have a meaning. Nozdryov was really called Nosov, and Kuvshinikov had quite a different name, he was called Shkvornev. Fenardi really was called Fenardi, only he wasn't an Italian but a Russian, and Mamsel Fenardi was a pretty girl with her pretty little legs in tights, and she had a little short skirt with spangles, and she kept turning round and round, only not for four hours but for four minutes only, and she bewitched every one...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what were you beaten for?&#8221; cried Kalganov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For Piron!&#8221; answered Maximov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What Piron?&#8221; cried Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The famous French writer, Piron. We were all drinking then, a big party of us, in a tavern at that very fair. They'd invited me, and first of all I began quoting epigrams. &#8216;Is that you, Boileau? What a funny get-up!' and Boileau answers that he's going to a masquerade, that is to the baths, he he! And they took it to themselves, so I made haste to repeat another, very sarcastic, well known to all educated people:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Yes, Sappho and Phaon are we!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But one grief is weighing on me.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
You don't know your way to the sea!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;They were still more offended and began abusing me in the most unseemly way for it. And as ill-luck would have it, to set things right, I began telling a very cultivated anecdote about Piron, how he was not accepted into the French Academy, and to revenge himself wrote his own epitaph:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Ci-g&#238;t Piron qui ne fut rien,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pas m&#234;me acad&#233;micien.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;They seized me and thrashed me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what for? What for?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For my education. People can thrash a man for anything,&#8221; Maximov concluded, briefly and sententiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Eh, that's enough! That's all stupid, I don't want to listen. I thought it would be amusing,&#8221; Grushenka cut them short, suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya started, and at once left off laughing. The tall Pole rose upon his feet, and with the haughty air of a man, bored and out of his element, began pacing from corner to corner of the room, his hands behind his back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, he can't sit still,&#8221; said Grushenka, looking at him contemptuously. Mitya began to feel anxious. He noticed besides, that the Pole on the sofa was looking at him with an irritable expression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Panie&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; cried Mitya, &#8220;let's drink! and the other &lt;i&gt;pan&lt;/i&gt;, too! Let us drink.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In a flash he had pulled three glasses towards him, and filled them with champagne.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To Poland, &lt;i&gt;panovie&lt;/i&gt;, I drink to your Poland!&#8221; cried Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall be delighted, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; said the Pole on the sofa, with dignity and affable condescension, and he took his glass.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the other &lt;i&gt;pan&lt;/i&gt;, what's his name? Drink, most illustrious, take your glass!&#8221; Mitya urged.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pan Vrublevsky,&#8221; put in the Pole on the sofa.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pan Vrublevsky came up to the table, swaying as he walked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To Poland, &lt;i&gt;panovie&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; cried Mitya, raising his glass. &#8220;Hurrah!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All three drank. Mitya seized the bottle and again poured out three glasses.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now to Russia, &lt;i&gt;panovie&lt;/i&gt;, and let us be brothers!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pour out some for us,&#8221; said Grushenka; &#8220;I'll drink to Russia, too!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So will I,&#8221; said Kalganov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I would, too ... to Russia, the old grandmother!&#8221; tittered Maximov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All! All!&#8221; cried Mitya. &#8220;Trifon Borissovitch, some more bottles!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The other three bottles Mitya had brought with him were put on the table. Mitya filled the glasses.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To Russia! Hurrah!&#8221; he shouted again. All drank the toast except the Poles, and Grushenka tossed off her whole glass at once. The Poles did not touch theirs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How's this, &lt;i&gt;panovie&lt;/i&gt;?&#8221; cried Mitya, &#8220;won't you drink it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pan Vrublevsky took the glass, raised it and said with a resonant voice:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To Russia as she was before 1772.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, that's better!&#8221; cried the other Pole, and they both emptied their glasses at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're fools, you &lt;i&gt;panovie&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; broke suddenly from Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Panie&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; shouted both the Poles, menacingly, setting on Mitya like a couple of cocks. Pan Vrublevsky was specially furious.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Can one help loving one's own country?&#8221; he shouted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Be silent! Don't quarrel! I won't have any quarreling!&#8221; cried Grushenka imperiously, and she stamped her foot on the floor. Her face glowed, her eyes were shining. The effects of the glass she had just drunk were apparent. Mitya was terribly alarmed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Panovie&lt;/i&gt;, forgive me! It was my fault, I'm sorry. Vrublevsky, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt; Vrublevsky, I'm sorry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hold your tongue, you, anyway! Sit down, you stupid!&#8221; Grushenka scolded with angry annoyance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Every one sat down, all were silent, looking at one another.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen, I was the cause of it all,&#8221; Mitya began again, unable to make anything of Grushenka's words. &#8220;Come, why are we sitting here? What shall we do ... to amuse ourselves again?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ach, it's certainly anything but amusing!&#8221; Kalganov mumbled lazily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let's play faro again, as we did just now,&#8221; Maximov tittered suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Faro? Splendid!&#8221; cried Mitya. &#8220;If only the &lt;i&gt;panovie&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's lite, &lt;i&gt;panovie&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; the Pole on the sofa responded, as it were unwillingly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's true,&#8221; assented Pan Vrublevsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lite? What do you mean by &#8216;lite'?&#8221; asked Grushenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Late, &lt;i&gt;pani&lt;/i&gt;! &#8216;a late hour' I mean,&#8221; the Pole on the sofa explained.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's always late with them. They can never do anything!&#8221; Grushenka almost shrieked in her anger. &#8220;They're dull themselves, so they want others to be dull. Before you came, Mitya, they were just as silent and kept turning up their noses at me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My goddess!&#8221; cried the Pole on the sofa, &#8220;I see you're not well-disposed to me, that's why I'm gloomy. I'm ready, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; added he, addressing Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Begin, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; Mitya assented, pulling his notes out of his pocket, and laying two hundred-rouble notes on the table. &#8220;I want to lose a lot to you. Take your cards. Make the bank.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We'll have cards from the landlord, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; said the little Pole, gravely and emphatically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's much the best way,&#8221; chimed in Pan Vrublevsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From the landlord? Very good, I understand, let's get them from him. Cards!&#8221; Mitya shouted to the landlord.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The landlord brought in a new, unopened pack, and informed Mitya that the girls were getting ready, and that the Jews with the cymbals would most likely be here soon; but the cart with the provisions had not yet arrived. Mitya jumped up from the table and ran into the next room to give orders, but only three girls had arrived, and Marya was not there yet. And he did not know himself what orders to give and why he had run out. He only told them to take out of the box the presents for the girls, the sweets, the toffee and the fondants. &#8220;And vodka for Andrey, vodka for Andrey!&#8221; he cried in haste. &#8220;I was rude to Andrey!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly Maximov, who had followed him out, touched him on the shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give me five roubles,&#8221; he whispered to Mitya. &#8220;I'll stake something at faro, too, he he!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Capital! Splendid! Take ten, here!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Again he took all the notes out of his pocket and picked out one for ten roubles. &#8220;And if you lose that, come again, come again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very good,&#8221; Maximov whispered joyfully, and he ran back again. Mitya, too, returned, apologizing for having kept them waiting. The Poles had already sat down, and opened the pack. They looked much more amiable, almost cordial. The Pole on the sofa had lighted another pipe and was preparing to throw. He wore an air of solemnity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To your places, gentlemen,&#8221; cried Pan Vrublevsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I'm not going to play any more,&#8221; observed Kalganov, &#8220;I've lost fifty roubles to them just now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The &lt;i&gt;pan&lt;/i&gt; had no luck, perhaps he'll be lucky this time,&#8221; the Pole on the sofa observed in his direction.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How much in the bank? To correspond?&#8221; asked Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's according, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;, maybe a hundred, maybe two hundred, as much as you will stake.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A million!&#8221; laughed Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The Pan Captain has heard of Pan Podvysotsky, perhaps?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What Podvysotsky?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In Warsaw there was a bank and anyone comes and stakes against it. Podvysotsky comes, sees a thousand gold pieces, stakes against the bank. The banker says, &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Panie&lt;/i&gt; Podvysotsky, are you laying down the gold, or must we trust to your honor?' &#8216;To my honor, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;,' says Podvysotsky. &#8216;So much the better.' The banker throws the dice. Podvysotsky wins. &#8216;Take it, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;,' says the banker, and pulling out the drawer he gives him a million. &#8216;Take it, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;, this is your gain.' There was a million in the bank. &#8216;I didn't know that,' says Podvysotsky. &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Panie&lt;/i&gt; Podvysotsky,' said the banker, &#8216;you pledged your honor and we pledged ours.' Podvysotsky took the million.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's not true,&#8221; said Kalganov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Panie&lt;/i&gt; Kalganov, in gentlemanly society one doesn't say such things.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As if a Polish gambler would give away a million!&#8221; cried Mitya, but checked himself at once. &#8220;Forgive me, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;, it's my fault again, he would, he would give away a million, for honor, for Polish honor. You see how I talk Polish, ha ha! Here, I stake ten roubles, the knave leads.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I put a rouble on the queen, the queen of hearts, the pretty little &lt;i&gt;panienotchka&lt;/i&gt;, he he!&#8221; laughed Maximov, pulling out his queen, and, as though trying to conceal it from every one, he moved right up and crossed himself hurriedly under the table. Mitya won. The rouble won, too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A corner!&#8221; cried Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll bet another rouble, a &#8216;single' stake,&#8221; Maximov muttered gleefully, hugely delighted at having won a rouble.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lost!&#8221; shouted Mitya. &#8220;A &#8216;double' on the seven!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The seven too was trumped.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stop!&#8221; cried Kalganov suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Double! Double!&#8221; Mitya doubled his stakes, and each time he doubled the stake, the card he doubled was trumped by the Poles. The rouble stakes kept winning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;On the double!&#8221; shouted Mitya furiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've lost two hundred, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;. Will you stake another hundred?&#8221; the Pole on the sofa inquired.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What? Lost two hundred already? Then another two hundred! All doubles!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And pulling his money out of his pocket, Mitya was about to fling two hundred roubles on the queen, but Kalganov covered it with his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's enough!&#8221; he shouted in his ringing voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's the matter?&#8221; Mitya stared at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's enough! I don't want you to play any more. Don't!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Because I don't. Hang it, come away. That's why. I won't let you go on playing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya gazed at him in astonishment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give it up, Mitya. He may be right. You've lost a lot as it is,&#8221; said Grushenka, with a curious note in her voice. Both the Poles rose from their seats with a deeply offended air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you joking, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;?&#8221; said the short man, looking severely at Kalganov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How dare you!&#8221; Pan Vrublevsky, too, growled at Kalganov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't dare to shout like that,&#8221; cried Grushenka. &#8220;Ah, you turkey-cocks!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya looked at each of them in turn. But something in Grushenka's face suddenly struck him, and at the same instant something new flashed into his mind&#8212;a strange new thought!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Pani&lt;/i&gt; Agrippina,&#8221; the little Pole was beginning, crimson with anger, when Mitya suddenly went up to him and slapped him on the shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Most illustrious, two words with you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you want?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the next room, I've two words to say to you, something pleasant, very pleasant. You'll be glad to hear it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The little &lt;i&gt;pan&lt;/i&gt; was taken aback and looked apprehensively at Mitya. He agreed at once, however, on condition that Pan Vrublevsky went with them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The bodyguard? Let him come, and I want him, too. I must have him!&#8221; cried Mitya. &#8220;March, &lt;i&gt;panovie&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where are you going?&#8221; asked Grushenka, anxiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We'll be back in one moment,&#8221; answered Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a sort of boldness, a sudden confidence shining in his eyes. His face had looked very different when he entered the room an hour before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He led the Poles, not into the large room where the chorus of girls was assembling and the table was being laid, but into the bedroom on the right, where the trunks and packages were kept, and there were two large beds, with pyramids of cotton pillows on each. There was a lighted candle on a small deal table in the corner. The small man and Mitya sat down to this table, facing each other, while the huge Vrublevsky stood beside them, his hands behind his back. The Poles looked severe but were evidently inquisitive.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What can I do for you, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;?&#8221; lisped the little Pole.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, look here, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;, I won't keep you long. There's money for you,&#8221; he pulled out his notes. &#8220;Would you like three thousand? Take it and go your way.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Pole gazed open-eyed at Mitya, with a searching look.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Three thousand, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;?&#8221; He exchanged glances with Vrublevsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Three, &lt;i&gt;panovie&lt;/i&gt;, three! Listen, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;, I see you're a sensible man. Take three thousand and go to the devil, and Vrublevsky with you&#8212;d'you hear? But, at once, this very minute, and for ever. You understand that, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;, for ever. Here's the door, you go out of it. What have you got there, a great-coat, a fur coat? I'll bring it out to you. They'll get the horses out directly, and then&#8212;good-by, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya awaited an answer with assurance. He had no doubts. An expression of extraordinary resolution passed over the Pole's face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the money, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The money, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;? Five hundred roubles I'll give you this moment for the journey, and as a first installment, and two thousand five hundred to-morrow, in the town&#8212;I swear on my honor, I'll get it, I'll get it at any cost!&#8221; cried Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Poles exchanged glances again. The short man's face looked more forbidding.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Seven hundred, seven hundred, not five hundred, at once, this minute, cash down!&#8221; Mitya added, feeling something wrong. &#8220;What's the matter, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;? Don't you trust me? I can't give you the whole three thousand straight off. If I give it, you may come back to her to-morrow.... Besides, I haven't the three thousand with me. I've got it at home in the town,&#8221; faltered Mitya, his spirit sinking at every word he uttered. &#8220;Upon my word, the money's there, hidden.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In an instant an extraordinary sense of personal dignity showed itself in the little man's face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What next?&#8221; he asked ironically. &#8220;For shame!&#8221; and he spat on the floor. Pan Vrublevsky spat too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You do that, &lt;i&gt;panie&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; said Mitya, recognizing with despair that all was over, &#8220;because you hope to make more out of Grushenka? You're a couple of capons, that's what you are!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is a mortal insult!&#8221; The little Pole turned as red as a crab, and he went out of the room, briskly, as though unwilling to hear another word. Vrublevsky swung out after him, and Mitya followed, confused and crestfallen. He was afraid of Grushenka, afraid that the &lt;i&gt;pan&lt;/i&gt; would at once raise an outcry. And so indeed he did. The Pole walked into the room and threw himself in a theatrical attitude before Grushenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Pani&lt;/i&gt; Agrippina, I have received a mortal insult!&#8221; he exclaimed. But Grushenka suddenly lost all patience, as though they had wounded her in the tenderest spot.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Speak Russian! Speak Russian!&#8221; she cried, &#8220;not another word of Polish! You used to talk Russian. You can't have forgotten it in five years.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was red with passion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Pani&lt;/i&gt; Agrippina&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My name's Agrafena, Grushenka, speak Russian or I won't listen!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Pole gasped with offended dignity, and quickly and pompously delivered himself in broken Russian:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Pani&lt;/i&gt; Agrafena, I came here to forget the past and forgive it, to forget all that has happened till to-day&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive? Came here to forgive me?&#8221; Grushenka cut him short, jumping up from her seat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just so, &lt;i&gt;pani&lt;/i&gt;, I'm not pusillanimous, I'm magnanimous. But I was astounded when I saw your lovers. Pan Mitya offered me three thousand, in the other room to depart. I spat in the &lt;i&gt;pan&lt;/i&gt;'s face.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What? He offered you money for me?&#8221; cried Grushenka, hysterically. &#8220;Is it true, Mitya? How dare you? Am I for sale?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Panie, panie&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; yelled Mitya, &#8220;she's pure and shining, and I have never been her lover! That's a lie....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How dare you defend me to him?&#8221; shrieked Grushenka. &#8220;It wasn't virtue kept me pure, and it wasn't that I was afraid of Kuzma, but that I might hold up my head when I met him, and tell him he's a scoundrel. And he did actually refuse the money?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He took it! He took it!&#8221; cried Mitya; &#8220;only he wanted to get the whole three thousand at once, and I could only give him seven hundred straight off.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I see: he heard I had money, and came here to marry me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Pani&lt;/i&gt; Agrippina!&#8221; cried the little Pole. &#8220;I'm&#8212;a knight, I'm&#8212;a nobleman, and not a &lt;i&gt;lajdak&lt;/i&gt;. I came here to make you my wife and I find you a different woman, perverse and shameless.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, go back where you came from! I'll tell them to turn you out and you'll be turned out,&#8221; cried Grushenka, furious. &#8220;I've been a fool, a fool, to have been miserable these five years! And it wasn't for his sake, it was my anger made me miserable. And this isn't he at all! Was he like this? It might be his father! Where did you get your wig from? He was a falcon, but this is a gander. He used to laugh and sing to me.... And I've been crying for five years, damned fool, abject, shameless I was!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She sank back in her low chair and hid her face in her hands. At that instant the chorus of Mokroe began singing in the room on the left&#8212;a rollicking dance song.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A regular Sodom!&#8221; Vrublevsky roared suddenly. &#8220;Landlord, send the shameless hussies away!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The landlord, who had been for some time past inquisitively peeping in at the door, hearing shouts and guessing that his guests were quarreling, at once entered the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you shouting for? D'you want to split your throat?&#8221; he said, addressing Vrublevsky, with surprising rudeness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Animal!&#8221; bellowed Pan Vrublevsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Animal? And what sort of cards were you playing with just now? I gave you a pack and you hid it. You played with marked cards! I could send you to Siberia for playing with false cards, d'you know that, for it's just the same as false banknotes....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And going up to the sofa he thrust his fingers between the sofa back and the cushion, and pulled out an unopened pack of cards.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here's my pack unopened!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He held it up and showed it to all in the room. &#8220;From where I stood I saw him slip my pack away, and put his in place of it&#8212;you're a cheat and not a gentleman!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I twice saw the &lt;i&gt;pan&lt;/i&gt; change a card!&#8221; cried Kalganov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How shameful! How shameful!&#8221; exclaimed Grushenka, clasping her hands, and blushing for genuine shame. &#8220;Good Lord, he's come to that!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I thought so, too!&#8221; said Mitya. But before he had uttered the words, Vrublevsky, with a confused and infuriated face, shook his fist at Grushenka, shouting:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You low harlot!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya flew at him at once, clutched him in both hands, lifted him in the air, and in one instant had carried him into the room on the right, from which they had just come.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've laid him on the floor, there,&#8221; he announced, returning at once, gasping with excitement. &#8220;He's struggling, the scoundrel! But he won't come back, no fear of that!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He closed one half of the folding doors, and holding the other ajar called out to the little Pole:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Most illustrious, will you be pleased to retire as well?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; said Trifon Borissovitch, &#8220;make them give you back the money you lost. It's as good as stolen from you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't want my fifty roubles back,&#8221; Kalganov declared suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't want my two hundred, either,&#8221; cried Mitya, &#8220;I wouldn't take it for anything! Let him keep it as a consolation.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bravo, Mitya! You're a trump, Mitya!&#8221; cried Grushenka, and there was a note of fierce anger in the exclamation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The little &lt;i&gt;pan&lt;/i&gt;, crimson with fury but still mindful of his dignity, was making for the door, but he stopped short and said suddenly, addressing Grushenka:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Pani&lt;/i&gt;, if you want to come with me, come. If not, good-by.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And swelling with indignation and importance he went to the door. This was a man of character: he had so good an opinion of himself that after all that had passed, he still expected that she would marry him. Mitya slammed the door after him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lock it,&#8221; said Kalganov. But the key clicked on the other side, they had locked it from within.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's capital!&#8221; exclaimed Grushenka relentlessly. &#8220;Serve them right!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII. DELIRIUM&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;What followed was almost an orgy, a feast to which all were welcome. Grushenka was the first to call for wine.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I want to drink. I want to be quite drunk, as we were before. Do you remember, Mitya, do you remember how we made friends here last time!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya himself was almost delirious, feeling that his happiness was at hand. But Grushenka was continually sending him away from her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go and enjoy yourself. Tell them to dance, to make merry, &#8216;let the stove and cottage dance'; as we had it last time,&#8221; she kept exclaiming. She was tremendously excited. And Mitya hastened to obey her. The chorus were in the next room. The room in which they had been sitting till that moment was too small, and was divided in two by cotton curtains, behind which was a huge bed with a puffy feather mattress and a pyramid of cotton pillows. In the four rooms for visitors there were beds. Grushenka settled herself just at the door. Mitya set an easy chair for her. She had sat in the same place to watch the dancing and singing &#8220;the time before,&#8221; when they had made merry there. All the girls who had come had been there then; the Jewish band with fiddles and zithers had come, too, and at last the long expected cart had arrived with the wines and provisions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya bustled about. All sorts of people began coming into the room to look on, peasants and their women, who had been roused from sleep and attracted by the hopes of another marvelous entertainment such as they had enjoyed a month before. Mitya remembered their faces, greeting and embracing every one he knew. He uncorked bottles and poured out wine for every one who presented himself. Only the girls were very eager for the champagne. The men preferred rum, brandy, and, above all, hot punch. Mitya had chocolate made for all the girls, and ordered that three samovars should be kept boiling all night to provide tea and punch for everyone to help himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
An absurd chaotic confusion followed, but Mitya was in his natural element, and the more foolish it became, the more his spirits rose. If the peasants had asked him for money at that moment, he would have pulled out his notes and given them away right and left. This was probably why the landlord, Trifon Borissovitch, kept hovering about Mitya to protect him. He seemed to have given up all idea of going to bed that night; but he drank little, only one glass of punch, and kept a sharp look-out on Mitya's interests after his own fashion. He intervened in the nick of time, civilly and obsequiously persuading Mitya not to give away &#8220;cigars and Rhine wine,&#8221; and, above all, money to the peasants as he had done before. He was very indignant, too, at the peasant girls drinking liqueur, and eating sweets.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They're a lousy lot, Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I'd give them a kick, every one of them, and they'd take it as an honor&#8212;that's all they're worth!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya remembered Andrey again, and ordered punch to be sent out to him. &#8220;I was rude to him just now,&#8221; he repeated with a sinking, softened voice. Kalganov did not want to drink, and at first did not care for the girls' singing; but after he had drunk a couple of glasses of champagne he became extraordinarily lively, strolling about the room, laughing and praising the music and the songs, admiring every one and everything. Maximov, blissfully drunk, never left his side. Grushenka, too, was beginning to get drunk. Pointing to Kalganov, she said to Mitya:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a dear, charming boy he is!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Mitya, delighted, ran to kiss Kalganov and Maximov. Oh, great were his hopes! She had said nothing yet, and seemed, indeed, purposely to refrain from speaking. But she looked at him from time to time with caressing and passionate eyes. At last she suddenly gripped his hand and drew him vigorously to her. She was sitting at the moment in the low chair by the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How was it you came just now, eh? Have you walked in!... I was frightened. So you wanted to give me up to him, did you? Did you really want to?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I didn't want to spoil your happiness!&#8221; Mitya faltered blissfully. But she did not need his answer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, go and enjoy yourself ...&#8221; she sent him away once more. &#8220;Don't cry, I'll call you back again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He would run away, and she listened to the singing and looked at the dancing, though her eyes followed him wherever he went. But in another quarter of an hour she would call him once more and again he would run back to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, sit beside me, tell me, how did you hear about me, and my coming here yesterday? From whom did you first hear it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Mitya began telling her all about it, disconnectedly, incoherently, feverishly. He spoke strangely, often frowning, and stopping abruptly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you frowning at?&#8221; she asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing.... I left a man ill there. I'd give ten years of my life for him to get well, to know he was all right!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, never mind him, if he's ill. So you meant to shoot yourself to-morrow! What a silly boy! What for? I like such reckless fellows as you,&#8221; she lisped, with a rather halting tongue. &#8220;So you would go any length for me, eh? Did you really mean to shoot yourself to-morrow, you stupid? No, wait a little. To-morrow I may have something to say to you.... I won't say it to-day, but to-morrow. You'd like it to be to-day? No, I don't want to to-day. Come, go along now, go and amuse yourself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Once, however, she called him, as it were, puzzled and uneasy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are you sad? I see you're sad.... Yes, I see it,&#8221; she added, looking intently into his eyes. &#8220;Though you keep kissing the peasants and shouting, I see something. No, be merry. I'm merry; you be merry, too.... I love somebody here. Guess who it is. Ah, look, my boy has fallen asleep, poor dear, he's drunk.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She meant Kalganov. He was, in fact, drunk, and had dropped asleep for a moment, sitting on the sofa. But he was not merely drowsy from drink; he felt suddenly dejected, or, as he said, &#8220;bored.&#8221; He was intensely depressed by the girls' songs, which, as the drinking went on, gradually became coarse and more reckless. And the dances were as bad. Two girls dressed up as bears, and a lively girl, called Stepanida, with a stick in her hand, acted the part of keeper, and began to &#8220;show them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Look alive, Marya, or you'll get the stick!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The bears rolled on the ground at last in the most unseemly fashion, amid roars of laughter from the closely-packed crowd of men and women.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, let them! Let them!&#8221; said Grushenka sententiously, with an ecstatic expression on her face. &#8220;When they do get a day to enjoy themselves, why shouldn't folks be happy?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kalganov looked as though he had been besmirched with dirt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's swinish, all this peasant foolery,&#8221; he murmured, moving away; &#8220;it's the game they play when it's light all night in summer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He particularly disliked one &#8220;new&#8221; song to a jaunty dance-tune. It described how a gentleman came and tried his luck with the girls, to see whether they would love him:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The master came to try the girls:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Would they love him, would they not?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But the girls could not love the master:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;He would beat me cruelly&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And such love won't do for me.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Then a gypsy comes along and he, too, tries:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The gypsy came to try the girls:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Would they love him, would they not?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But they couldn't love the gypsy either:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;He would be a thief, I fear,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And would cause me many a tear.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And many more men come to try their luck, among them a soldier:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The soldier came to try the girls:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Would they love him, would they not?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But the soldier is rejected with contempt, in two indecent lines, sung with absolute frankness and producing a furore in the audience. The song ends with a merchant:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The merchant came to try the girls:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Would they love him, would they not?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And it appears that he wins their love because:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The merchant will make gold for me&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And his queen I'll gladly be.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Kalvanov was positively indignant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's just a song of yesterday,&#8221; he said aloud. &#8220;Who writes such things for them? They might just as well have had a railwayman or a Jew come to try his luck with the girls; they'd have carried all before them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And, almost as though it were a personal affront, he declared, on the spot, that he was bored, sat down on the sofa and immediately fell asleep. His pretty little face looked rather pale, as it fell back on the sofa cushion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Look how pretty he is,&#8221; said Grushenka, taking Mitya up to him. &#8220;I was combing his hair just now; his hair's like flax, and so thick....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And, bending over him tenderly, she kissed his forehead. Kalganov instantly opened his eyes, looked at her, stood up, and with the most anxious air inquired where was Maximov?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So that's who it is you want.&#8221; Grushenka laughed. &#8220;Stay with me a minute. Mitya, run and find his Maximov.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Maximov, it appeared, could not tear himself away from the girls, only running away from time to time to pour himself out a glass of liqueur. He had drunk two cups of chocolate. His face was red, and his nose was crimson; his eyes were moist and mawkishly sweet. He ran up and announced that he was going to dance the &#8220;saboti&#232;re.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They taught me all those well-bred, aristocratic dances when I was little....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go, go with him, Mitya, and I'll watch from here how he dances,&#8221; said Grushenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no, I'm coming to look on, too,&#8221; exclaimed Kalganov, brushing aside in the most na&#239;ve way Grushenka's offer to sit with him. They all went to look on. Maximov danced his dance. But it roused no great admiration in anyone but Mitya. It consisted of nothing but skipping and hopping, kicking up the feet, and at every skip Maximov slapped the upturned sole of his foot. Kalganov did not like it at all, but Mitya kissed the dancer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thanks. You're tired perhaps? What are you looking for here? Would you like some sweets? A cigar, perhaps?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A cigarette.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't you want a drink?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll just have a liqueur.... Have you any chocolates?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, there's a heap of them on the table there. Choose one, my dear soul!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I like one with vanilla ... for old people. He he!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, brother, we've none of that special sort.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I say,&#8221; the old man bent down to whisper in Mitya's ear. &#8220;That girl there, little Marya, he he! How would it be if you were to help me make friends with her?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So that's what you're after! No, brother, that won't do!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'd do no harm to any one,&#8221; Maximov muttered disconsolately.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, all right, all right. They only come here to dance and sing, you know, brother. But damn it all, wait a bit!... Eat and drink and be merry, meanwhile. Don't you want money?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Later on, perhaps,&#8221; smiled Maximov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right, all right....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya's head was burning. He went outside to the wooden balcony which ran round the whole building on the inner side, overlooking the courtyard. The fresh air revived him. He stood alone in a dark corner, and suddenly clutched his head in both hands. His scattered thoughts came together; his sensations blended into a whole and threw a sudden light into his mind. A fearful and terrible light! &#8220;If I'm to shoot myself, why not now?&#8221; passed through his mind. &#8220;Why not go for the pistols, bring them here, and here, in this dark dirty corner, make an end?&#8221; Almost a minute he stood, undecided. A few hours earlier, when he had been dashing here, he was pursued by disgrace, by the theft he had committed, and that blood, that blood!... But yet it was easier for him then. Then everything was over: he had lost her, given her up. She was gone, for him&#8212;oh, then his death sentence had been easier for him; at least it had seemed necessary, inevitable, for what had he to stay on earth for?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But now? Was it the same as then? Now one phantom, one terror at least was at an end: that first, rightful lover, that fateful figure had vanished, leaving no trace. The terrible phantom had turned into something so small, so comic; it had been carried into the bedroom and locked in. It would never return. She was ashamed, and from her eyes he could see now whom she loved. Now he had everything to make life happy ... but he could not go on living, he could not; oh, damnation! &#8220;O God! restore to life the man I knocked down at the fence! Let this fearful cup pass from me! Lord, thou hast wrought miracles for such sinners as me! But what, what if the old man's alive? Oh, then the shame of the other disgrace I would wipe away. I would restore the stolen money. I'd give it back; I'd get it somehow.... No trace of that shame will remain except in my heart for ever! But no, no; oh, impossible cowardly dreams! Oh, damnation!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yet there was a ray of light and hope in his darkness. He jumped up and ran back to the room&#8212;to her, to her, his queen for ever! Was not one moment of her love worth all the rest of life, even in the agonies of disgrace? This wild question clutched at his heart. &#8220;To her, to her alone, to see her, to hear her, to think of nothing, to forget everything, if only for that night, for an hour, for a moment!&#8221; Just as he turned from the balcony into the passage, he came upon the landlord, Trifon Borissovitch. He thought he looked gloomy and worried, and fancied he had come to find him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it, Trifon Borissovitch? are you looking for me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, sir.&#8221; The landlord seemed disconcerted. &#8220;Why should I be looking for you? Where have you been?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why do you look so glum? You're not angry, are you? Wait a bit, you shall soon get to bed.... What's the time?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It'll be three o'clock. Past three, it must be.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We'll leave off soon. We'll leave off.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't mention it; it doesn't matter. Keep it up as long as you like....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's the matter with him?&#8221; Mitya wondered for an instant, and he ran back to the room where the girls were dancing. But she was not there. She was not in the blue room either; there was no one but Kalganov asleep on the sofa. Mitya peeped behind the curtain&#8212;she was there. She was sitting in the corner, on a trunk. Bent forward, with her head and arms on the bed close by, she was crying bitterly, doing her utmost to stifle her sobs that she might not be heard. Seeing Mitya, she beckoned him to her, and when he ran to her, she grasped his hand tightly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mitya, Mitya, I loved him, you know. How I have loved him these five years, all that time! Did I love him or only my own anger? No, him, him! It's a lie that it was my anger I loved and not him. Mitya, I was only seventeen then; he was so kind to me, so merry; he used to sing to me.... Or so it seemed to a silly girl like me.... And now, O Lord, it's not the same man. Even his face is not the same; he's different altogether. I shouldn't have known him. I drove here with Timofey, and all the way I was thinking how I should meet him, what I should say to him, how we should look at one another. My soul was faint, and all of a sudden it was just as though he had emptied a pail of dirty water over me. He talked to me like a schoolmaster, all so grave and learned; he met me so solemnly that I was struck dumb. I couldn't get a word in. At first I thought he was ashamed to talk before his great big Pole. I sat staring at him and wondering why I couldn't say a word to him now. It must have been his wife that ruined him; you know he threw me up to get married. She must have changed him like that. Mitya, how shameful it is! Oh, Mitya, I'm ashamed, I'm ashamed for all my life. Curse it, curse it, curse those five years!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And again she burst into tears, but clung tight to Mitya's hand and did not let it go.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mitya, darling, stay, don't go away. I want to say one word to you,&#8221; she whispered, and suddenly raised her face to him. &#8220;Listen, tell me who it is I love? I love one man here. Who is that man? That's what you must tell me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A smile lighted up her face that was swollen with weeping, and her eyes shone in the half darkness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A falcon flew in, and my heart sank. &#8216;Fool! that's the man you love!' That was what my heart whispered to me at once. You came in and all grew bright. What's he afraid of? I wondered. For you were frightened; you couldn't speak. It's not them he's afraid of&#8212;could you be frightened of any one? It's me he's afraid of, I thought, only me. So Fenya told you, you little stupid, how I called to Alyosha out of the window that I'd loved Mityenka for one hour, and that I was going now to love ... another. Mitya, Mitya, how could I be such a fool as to think I could love anyone after you? Do you forgive me, Mitya? Do you forgive me or not? Do you love me? Do you love me?&#8221; She jumped up and held him with both hands on his shoulders. Mitya, dumb with rapture, gazed into her eyes, at her face, at her smile, and suddenly clasped her tightly in his arms and kissed her passionately.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You will forgive me for having tormented you? It was through spite I tormented you all. It was for spite I drove the old man out of his mind.... Do you remember how you drank at my house one day and broke the wine-glass? I remembered that and I broke a glass to-day and drank &#8216;to my vile heart.' Mitya, my falcon, why don't you kiss me? He kissed me once, and now he draws back and looks and listens. Why listen to me? Kiss me, kiss me hard, that's right. If you love, well, then, love! I'll be your slave now, your slave for the rest of my life. It's sweet to be a slave. Kiss me! Beat me, ill-treat me, do what you will with me.... And I do deserve to suffer. Stay, wait, afterwards, I won't have that....&#8221; she suddenly thrust him away. &#8220;Go along, Mitya, I'll come and have some wine, I want to be drunk, I'm going to get drunk and dance; I must, I must!&#8221; She tore herself away from him and disappeared behind the curtain. Mitya followed like a drunken man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, come what may&#8212;whatever may happen now, for one minute I'd give the whole world,&#8221; he thought. Grushenka did, in fact, toss off a whole glass of champagne at one gulp, and became at once very tipsy. She sat down in the same chair as before, with a blissful smile on her face. Her cheeks were glowing, her lips were burning, her flashing eyes were moist; there was passionate appeal in her eyes. Even Kalganov felt a stir at the heart and went up to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did you feel how I kissed you when you were asleep just now?&#8221; she said thickly. &#8220;I'm drunk now, that's what it is.... And aren't you drunk? And why isn't Mitya drinking? Why don't you drink, Mitya? I'm drunk, and you don't drink....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am drunk! I'm drunk as it is ... drunk with you ... and now I'll be drunk with wine, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He drank off another glass, and&#8212;he thought it strange himself&#8212;that glass made him completely drunk. He was suddenly drunk, although till that moment he had been quite sober, he remembered that. From that moment everything whirled about him, as though he were delirious. He walked, laughed, talked to everybody, without knowing what he was doing. Only one persistent burning sensation made itself felt continually, &#8220;like a red-hot coal in his heart,&#8221; he said afterwards. He went up to her, sat beside her, gazed at her, listened to her.... She became very talkative, kept calling every one to her, and beckoned to different girls out of the chorus. When the girl came up, she either kissed her, or made the sign of the cross over her. In another minute she might have cried. She was greatly amused by the &#8220;little old man,&#8221; as she called Maximov. He ran up every minute to kiss her hands, &#8220;each little finger,&#8221; and finally he danced another dance to an old song, which he sang himself. He danced with special vigor to the refrain:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The little pig says&#8212;umph! umph! umph!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The little calf says&#8212;moo, moo, moo,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The little duck says&#8212;quack, quack, quack,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The little goose says&#8212;ga, ga, ga.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The hen goes strutting through the porch;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Troo-roo-roo-roo-roo, she'll say,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Troo-roo-roo-roo-roo, she'll say!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Give him something, Mitya,&#8221; said Grushenka. &#8220;Give him a present, he's poor, you know. Ah, the poor, the insulted!... Do you know, Mitya, I shall go into a nunnery. No, I really shall one day, Alyosha said something to me to-day that I shall remember all my life.... Yes.... But to-day let us dance. To-morrow to the nunnery, but to-day we'll dance. I want to play to-day, good people, and what of it? God will forgive us. If I were God, I'd forgive everyone: &#8216;My dear sinners, from this day forth I forgive you.' I'm going to beg forgiveness: &#8216;Forgive me, good people, a silly wench.' I'm a beast, that's what I am. But I want to pray. I gave a little onion. Wicked as I've been, I want to pray. Mitya, let them dance, don't stop them. Every one in the world is good. Every one&#8212;even the worst of them. The world's a nice place. Though we're bad the world's all right. We're good and bad, good and bad.... Come, tell me, I've something to ask you: come here every one, and I'll ask you: Why am I so good? You know I am good. I'm very good.... Come, why am I so good?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So Grushenka babbled on, getting more and more drunk. At last she announced that she was going to dance, too. She got up from her chair, staggering. &#8220;Mitya, don't give me any more wine&#8212;if I ask you, don't give it to me. Wine doesn't give peace. Everything's going round, the stove, and everything. I want to dance. Let every one see how I dance ... let them see how beautifully I dance....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She really meant it. She pulled a white cambric handkerchief out of her pocket, and took it by one corner in her right hand, to wave it in the dance. Mitya ran to and fro, the girls were quiet, and got ready to break into a dancing song at the first signal. Maximov, hearing that Grushenka wanted to dance, squealed with delight, and ran skipping about in front of her, humming:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;With legs so slim and sides so trim&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And its little tail curled tight.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But Grushenka waved her handkerchief at him and drove him away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sh-h! Mitya, why don't they come? Let every one come ... to look on. Call them in, too, that were locked in.... Why did you lock them in? Tell them I'm going to dance. Let them look on, too....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya walked with a drunken swagger to the locked door, and began knocking to the Poles with his fist.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hi, you ... Podvysotskys! Come, she's going to dance. She calls you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Lajdak&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; one of the Poles shouted in reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're a &lt;i&gt;lajdak&lt;/i&gt; yourself! You're a little scoundrel, that's what you are.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Leave off laughing at Poland,&#8221; said Kalganov sententiously. He too was drunk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Be quiet, boy! If I call him a scoundrel, it doesn't mean that I called all Poland so. One &lt;i&gt;lajdak&lt;/i&gt; doesn't make a Poland. Be quiet, my pretty boy, eat a sweetmeat.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ach, what fellows! As though they were not men. Why won't they make friends?&#8221; said Grushenka, and went forward to dance. The chorus broke into &#8220;Ah, my porch, my new porch!&#8221; Grushenka flung back her head, half opened her lips, smiled, waved her handkerchief, and suddenly, with a violent lurch, stood still in the middle of the room, looking bewildered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm weak....&#8221; she said in an exhausted voice. &#8220;Forgive me.... I'm weak, I can't.... I'm sorry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She bowed to the chorus, and then began bowing in all directions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm sorry.... Forgive me....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The lady's been drinking. The pretty lady has been drinking,&#8221; voices were heard saying.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The lady's drunk too much,&#8221; Maximov explained to the girls, giggling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mitya, lead me away ... take me,&#8221; said Grushenka helplessly. Mitya pounced on her, snatched her up in his arms, and carried the precious burden through the curtains.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, now I'll go,&#8221; thought Kalganov, and walking out of the blue room, he closed the two halves of the door after him. But the orgy in the larger room went on and grew louder and louder. Mitya laid Grushenka on the bed and kissed her on the lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't touch me....&#8221; she faltered, in an imploring voice. &#8220;Don't touch me, till I'm yours.... I've told you I'm yours, but don't touch me ... spare me.... With them here, with them close, you mustn't. He's here. It's nasty here....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll obey you! I won't think of it ... I worship you!&#8221; muttered Mitya. &#8220;Yes, it's nasty here, it's abominable.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And still holding her in his arms, he sank on his knees by the bedside.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know, though you're a brute, you're generous,&#8221; Grushenka articulated with difficulty. &#8220;It must be honorable ... it shall be honorable for the future ... and let us be honest, let us be good, not brutes, but good ... take me away, take me far away, do you hear? I don't want it to be here, but far, far away....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, yes, it must be!&#8221; said Mitya, pressing her in his arms. &#8220;I'll take you and we'll fly away.... Oh, I'd give my whole life for one year only to know about that blood!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What blood?&#8221; asked Grushenka, bewildered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing,&#8221; muttered Mitya, through his teeth. &#8220;Grusha, you wanted to be honest, but I'm a thief. But I've stolen money from Katya.... Disgrace, a disgrace!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From Katya, from that young lady? No, you didn't steal it. Give it her back, take it from me.... Why make a fuss? Now everything of mine is yours. What does money matter? We shall waste it anyway.... Folks like us are bound to waste money. But we'd better go and work the land. I want to dig the earth with my own hands. We must work, do you hear? Alyosha said so. I won't be your mistress, I'll be faithful to you, I'll be your slave, I'll work for you. We'll go to the young lady and bow down to her together, so that she may forgive us, and then we'll go away. And if she won't forgive us, we'll go, anyway. Take her her money and love me.... Don't love her.... Don't love her any more. If you love her, I shall strangle her.... I'll put out both her eyes with a needle....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I love you. I love only you. I'll love you in Siberia....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why Siberia? Never mind, Siberia, if you like. I don't care ... we'll work ... there's snow in Siberia.... I love driving in the snow ... and must have bells.... Do you hear, there's a bell ringing? Where is that bell ringing? There are people coming.... Now it's stopped.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She closed her eyes, exhausted, and suddenly fell asleep for an instant. There had certainly been the sound of a bell in the distance, but the ringing had ceased. Mitya let his head sink on her breast. He did not notice that the bell had ceased ringing, nor did he notice that the songs had ceased, and that instead of singing and drunken clamor there was absolute stillness in the house. Grushenka opened her eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's the matter? Was I asleep? Yes ... a bell ... I've been asleep and dreamt I was driving over the snow with bells, and I dozed. I was with some one I loved, with you. And far, far away. I was holding you and kissing you, nestling close to you. I was cold, and the snow glistened.... You know how the snow glistens at night when the moon shines. It was as though I was not on earth. I woke up, and my dear one is close to me. How sweet that is!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Close to you,&#8221; murmured Mitya, kissing her dress, her bosom, her hands. And suddenly he had a strange fancy: it seemed to him that she was looking straight before her, not at him, not into his face, but over his head, with an intent, almost uncanny fixity. An expression of wonder, almost of alarm, came suddenly into her face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mitya, who is that looking at us?&#8221; she whispered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya turned, and saw that some one had, in fact, parted the curtains and seemed to be watching them. And not one person alone, it seemed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He jumped up and walked quickly to the intruder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here, come to us, come here,&#8221; said a voice, speaking not loudly, but firmly and peremptorily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya passed to the other side of the curtain and stood stock still. The room was filled with people, but not those who had been there before. An instantaneous shiver ran down his back, and he shuddered. He recognized all those people instantly. That tall, stout old man in the overcoat and forage-cap with a cockade&#8212;was the police captain, Mihail Makarovitch. And that &#8220;consumptive-looking&#8221; trim dandy, &#8220;who always has such polished boots&#8221;&#8212;that was the deputy prosecutor. &#8220;He has a chronometer worth four hundred roubles; he showed it to me.&#8221; And that small young man in spectacles.... Mitya forgot his surname though he knew him, had seen him: he was the &#8220;investigating lawyer,&#8221; from the &#8220;school of jurisprudence,&#8221; who had only lately come to the town. And this man&#8212;the inspector of police, Mavriky Mavrikyevitch, a man he knew well. And those fellows with the brass plates on, why are they here? And those other two ... peasants.... And there at the door Kalganov with Trifon Borissovitch....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen! What's this for, gentlemen?&#8221; began Mitya, but suddenly, as though beside himself, not knowing what he was doing, he cried aloud, at the top of his voice:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I un&#8212;der&#8212;stand!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The young man in spectacles moved forward suddenly, and stepping up to Mitya, began with dignity, though hurriedly:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We have to make ... in brief, I beg you to come this way, this way to the sofa.... It is absolutely imperative that you should give an explanation.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The old man!&#8221; cried Mitya frantically. &#8220;The old man and his blood!... I understand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he sank, almost fell, on a chair close by, as though he had been mown down by a scythe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You understand? He understands it! Monster and parricide! Your father's blood cries out against you!&#8221; the old captain of police roared suddenly, stepping up to Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was beside himself, crimson in the face and quivering all over.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is impossible!&#8221; cried the small young man. &#8220;Mihail Makarovitch, Mihail Makarovitch, this won't do!... I beg you'll allow me to speak. I should never have expected such behavior from you....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is delirium, gentlemen, raving delirium,&#8221; cried the captain of police; &#8220;look at him: drunk, at this time of night, in the company of a disreputable woman, with the blood of his father on his hands.... It's delirium!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I beg you most earnestly, dear Mihail Makarovitch, to restrain your feelings,&#8221; the prosecutor said in a rapid whisper to the old police captain, &#8220;or I shall be forced to resort to&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the little lawyer did not allow him to finish. He turned to Mitya, and delivered himself in a loud, firm, dignified voice:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ex-Lieutenant Karamazov, it is my duty to inform you that you are charged with the murder of your father, Fyodor Pavlovitch Karamazov, perpetrated this night....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He said something more, and the prosecutor, too, put in something, but though Mitya heard them he did not understand them. He stared at them all with wild eyes.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;BOOKIX&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;BOOK IX. THE PRELIMINARY INVESTIGATION&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I. THE BEGINNING OF PERHOTIN'S OFFICIAL CAREER&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Pyotr Ilyitch Perhotin, whom we left knocking at the strong locked gates of the widow Morozov's house, ended, of course, by making himself heard. Fenya, who was still excited by the fright she had had two hours before, and too much &#8220;upset&#8221; to go to bed, was almost frightened into hysterics on hearing the furious knocking at the gate. Though she had herself seen him drive away, she fancied that it must be Dmitri Fyodorovitch knocking again, no one else could knock so savagely. She ran to the house-porter, who had already waked up and gone out to the gate, and began imploring him not to open it. But having questioned Pyotr Ilyitch, and learned that he wanted to see Fenya on very &#8220;important business,&#8221; the man made up his mind at last to open. Pyotr Ilyitch was admitted into Fenya's kitchen, but the girl begged him to allow the house-porter to be present, &#8220;because of her misgivings.&#8221; He began questioning her and at once learnt the most vital fact, that is, that when Dmitri Fyodorovitch had run out to look for Grushenka, he had snatched up a pestle from the mortar, and that when he returned, the pestle was not with him and his hands were smeared with blood.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the blood was simply flowing, dripping from him, dripping!&#8221; Fenya kept exclaiming. This horrible detail was simply the product of her disordered imagination. But although not &#8220;dripping,&#8221; Pyotr Ilyitch had himself seen those hands stained with blood, and had helped to wash them. Moreover, the question he had to decide was not how soon the blood had dried, but where Dmitri Fyodorovitch had run with the pestle, or rather, whether it really was to Fyodor Pavlovitch's, and how he could satisfactorily ascertain. Pyotr Ilyitch persisted in returning to this point, and though he found out nothing conclusive, yet he carried away a conviction that Dmitri Fyodorovitch could have gone nowhere but to his father's house, and that therefore something must have happened there.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And when he came back,&#8221; Fenya added with excitement, &#8220;I told him the whole story, and then I began asking him, &#8216;Why have you got blood on your hands, Dmitri Fyodorovitch?' and he answered that that was human blood, and that he had just killed some one. He confessed it all to me, and suddenly ran off like a madman. I sat down and began thinking, where's he run off to now like a madman? He'll go to Mokroe, I thought, and kill my mistress there. I ran out to beg him not to kill her. I was running to his lodgings, but I looked at Plotnikov's shop, and saw him just setting off, and there was no blood on his hands then.&#8221; (Fenya had noticed this and remembered it.) Fenya's old grandmother confirmed her evidence as far as she was capable. After asking some further questions, Pyotr Ilyitch left the house, even more upset and uneasy than he had been when he entered it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The most direct and the easiest thing for him to do would have been to go straight to Fyodor Pavlovitch's, to find out whether anything had happened there, and if so, what; and only to go to the police captain, as Pyotr Ilyitch firmly intended doing, when he had satisfied himself of the fact. But the night was dark, Fyodor Pavlovitch's gates were strong, and he would have to knock again. His acquaintance with Fyodor Pavlovitch was of the slightest, and what if, after he had been knocking, they opened to him, and nothing had happened? Then Fyodor Pavlovitch in his jeering way would go telling the story all over the town, how a stranger, called Perhotin, had broken in upon him at midnight to ask if anyone had killed him. It would make a scandal. And scandal was what Pyotr Ilyitch dreaded more than anything in the world.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yet the feeling that possessed him was so strong, that though he stamped his foot angrily and swore at himself, he set off again, not to Fyodor Pavlovitch's but to Madame Hohlakov's. He decided that if she denied having just given Dmitri Fyodorovitch three thousand roubles, he would go straight to the police captain, but if she admitted having given him the money, he would go home and let the matter rest till next morning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It is, of course, perfectly evident that there was even more likelihood of causing scandal by going at eleven o'clock at night to a fashionable lady, a complete stranger, and perhaps rousing her from her bed to ask her an amazing question, than by going to Fyodor Pavlovitch. But that is just how it is, sometimes, especially in cases like the present one, with the decisions of the most precise and phlegmatic people. Pyotr Ilyitch was by no means phlegmatic at that moment. He remembered all his life how a haunting uneasiness gradually gained possession of him, growing more and more painful and driving him on, against his will. Yet he kept cursing himself, of course, all the way for going to this lady, but &#8220;I will get to the bottom of it, I will!&#8221; he repeated for the tenth time, grinding his teeth, and he carried out his intention.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was exactly eleven o'clock when he entered Madame Hohlakov's house. He was admitted into the yard pretty quickly, but, in response to his inquiry whether the lady was still up, the porter could give no answer, except that she was usually in bed by that time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ask at the top of the stairs. If the lady wants to receive you, she'll receive you. If she won't, she won't.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pyotr Ilyitch went up, but did not find things so easy here. The footman was unwilling to take in his name, but finally called a maid. Pyotr Ilyitch politely but insistently begged her to inform her lady that an official, living in the town, called Perhotin, had called on particular business, and that if it were not of the greatest importance he would not have ventured to come. &#8220;Tell her in those words, in those words exactly,&#8221; he asked the girl.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She went away. He remained waiting in the entry. Madame Hohlakov herself was already in her bedroom, though not yet asleep. She had felt upset ever since Mitya's visit, and had a presentiment that she would not get through the night without the sick headache which always, with her, followed such excitement. She was surprised on hearing the announcement from the maid. She irritably declined to see him, however, though the unexpected visit at such an hour, of an &#8220;official living in the town,&#8221; who was a total stranger, roused her feminine curiosity intensely. But this time Pyotr Ilyitch was as obstinate as a mule. He begged the maid most earnestly to take another message in these very words:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That he had come on business of the greatest importance, and that Madame Hohlakov might have cause to regret it later, if she refused to see him now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I plunged headlong,&#8221; he described it afterwards.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The maid, gazing at him in amazement, went to take his message again. Madame Hohlakov was impressed. She thought a little, asked what he looked like, and learned that he was &#8220;very well dressed, young and so polite.&#8221; We may note, parenthetically, that Pyotr Ilyitch was a rather good-looking young man, and well aware of the fact. Madame Hohlakov made up her mind to see him. She was in her dressing-gown and slippers, but she flung a black shawl over her shoulders. &#8220;The official&#8221; was asked to walk into the drawing-room, the very room in which Mitya had been received shortly before. The lady came to meet her visitor, with a sternly inquiring countenance, and, without asking him to sit down, began at once with the question:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you want?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have ventured to disturb you, madam, on a matter concerning our common acquaintance, Dmitri Fyodorovitch Karamazov,&#8221; Perhotin began.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But he had hardly uttered the name, when the lady's face showed signs of acute irritation. She almost shrieked, and interrupted him in a fury:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How much longer am I to be worried by that awful man?&#8221; she cried hysterically. &#8220;How dare you, sir, how could you venture to disturb a lady who is a stranger to you, in her own house at such an hour!... And to force yourself upon her to talk of a man who came here, to this very drawing-room, only three hours ago, to murder me, and went stamping out of the room, as no one would go out of a decent house. Let me tell you, sir, that I shall lodge a complaint against you, that I will not let it pass. Kindly leave me at once.... I am a mother.... I ... I&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Murder! then he tried to murder you, too?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, has he killed somebody else?&#8221; Madame Hohlakov asked impulsively.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you would kindly listen, madam, for half a moment, I'll explain it all in a couple of words,&#8221; answered Perhotin, firmly. &#8220;At five o'clock this afternoon Dmitri Fyodorovitch borrowed ten roubles from me, and I know for a fact he had no money. Yet at nine o'clock, he came to see me with a bundle of hundred-rouble notes in his hand, about two or three thousand roubles. His hands and face were all covered with blood, and he looked like a madman. When I asked him where he had got so much money, he answered that he had just received it from you, that you had given him a sum of three thousand to go to the gold-mines....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Hohlakov's face assumed an expression of intense and painful excitement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good God! He must have killed his old father!&#8221; she cried, clasping her hands. &#8220;I have never given him money, never! Oh, run, run!... Don't say another word! Save the old man ... run to his father ... run!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me, madam, then you did not give him money? You remember for a fact that you did not give him any money?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I didn't, I didn't! I refused to give it him, for he could not appreciate it. He ran out in a fury, stamping. He rushed at me, but I slipped away.... And let me tell you, as I wish to hide nothing from you now, that he positively spat at me. Can you fancy that! But why are we standing? Ah, sit down.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me, I....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Or better run, run, you must run and save the poor old man from an awful death!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But if he has killed him already?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, good heavens, yes! Then what are we to do now? What do you think we must do now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Meantime she had made Pyotr Ilyitch sit down and sat down herself, facing him. Briefly, but fairly clearly, Pyotr Ilyitch told her the history of the affair, that part of it at least which he had himself witnessed. He described, too, his visit to Fenya, and told her about the pestle. All these details produced an overwhelming effect on the distracted lady, who kept uttering shrieks, and covering her face with her hands....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Would you believe it, I foresaw all this! I have that special faculty, whatever I imagine comes to pass. And how often I've looked at that awful man and always thought, that man will end by murdering me. And now it's happened ... that is, if he hasn't murdered me, but only his own father, it's only because the finger of God preserved me, and what's more, he was ashamed to murder me because, in this very place, I put the holy ikon from the relics of the holy martyr, Saint Varvara, on his neck.... And to think how near I was to death at that minute, I went close up to him and he stretched out his neck to me!... Do you know, Pyotr Ilyitch (I think you said your name was Pyotr Ilyitch), I don't believe in miracles, but that ikon and this unmistakable miracle with me now&#8212;that shakes me, and I'm ready to believe in anything you like. Have you heard about Father Zossima?... But I don't know what I'm saying ... and only fancy, with the ikon on his neck he spat at me.... He only spat, it's true, he didn't murder me and ... he dashed away! But what shall we do, what must we do now? What do you think?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pyotr Ilyitch got up, and announced that he was going straight to the police captain, to tell him all about it, and leave him to do what he thought fit.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, he's an excellent man, excellent! Mihail Makarovitch, I know him. Of course, he's the person to go to. How practical you are, Pyotr Ilyitch! How well you've thought of everything! I should never have thought of it in your place!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Especially as I know the police captain very well, too,&#8221; observed Pyotr Ilyitch, who still continued to stand, and was obviously anxious to escape as quickly as possible from the impulsive lady, who would not let him say good-by and go away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And be sure, be sure,&#8221; she prattled on, &#8220;to come back and tell me what you see there, and what you find out ... what comes to light ... how they'll try him ... and what he's condemned to.... Tell me, we have no capital punishment, have we? But be sure to come, even if it's at three o'clock at night, at four, at half-past four.... Tell them to wake me, to wake me, to shake me, if I don't get up.... But, good heavens, I shan't sleep! But wait, hadn't I better come with you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;N&#8212;no. But if you would write three lines with your own hand, stating that you did not give Dmitri Fyodorovitch money, it might, perhaps, be of use ... in case it's needed....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be sure!&#8221; Madame Hohlakov skipped, delighted, to her bureau. &#8220;And you know I'm simply struck, amazed at your resourcefulness, your good sense in such affairs. Are you in the service here? I'm delighted to think that you're in the service here!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And still speaking, she scribbled on half a sheet of notepaper the following lines:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I've never in my life lent to that unhappy man, Dmitri Fyodorovitch Karamazov (for, in spite of all, he is unhappy), three thousand roubles to-day. I've never given him money, never: That I swear by all that's holy!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
K. HOHLAKOV.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Here's the note!&#8221; she turned quickly to Pyotr Ilyitch. &#8220;Go, save him. It's a noble deed on your part!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And she made the sign of the cross three times over him. She ran out to accompany him to the passage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How grateful I am to you! You can't think how grateful I am to you for having come to me, first. How is it I haven't met you before? I shall feel flattered at seeing you at my house in the future. How delightful it is that you are living here!... Such precision! Such practical ability!... They must appreciate you, they must understand you. If there's anything I can do, believe me ... oh, I love young people! I'm in love with young people! The younger generation are the one prop of our suffering country. Her one hope.... Oh, go, go!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Pyotr Ilyitch had already run away or she would not have let him go so soon. Yet Madame Hohlakov had made a rather agreeable impression on him, which had somewhat softened his anxiety at being drawn into such an unpleasant affair. Tastes differ, as we all know. &#8220;She's by no means so elderly,&#8221; he thought, feeling pleased, &#8220;on the contrary I should have taken her for her daughter.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As for Madame Hohlakov, she was simply enchanted by the young man. &#8220;Such sense! such exactness! in so young a man! in our day! and all that with such manners and appearance! People say the young people of to-day are no good for anything, but here's an example!&#8221; etc. So she simply forgot this &#8220;dreadful affair,&#8221; and it was only as she was getting into bed, that, suddenly recalling &#8220;how near death she had been,&#8221; she exclaimed: &#8220;Ah, it is awful, awful!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But she fell at once into a sound, sweet sleep.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I would not, however, have dwelt on such trivial and irrelevant details, if this eccentric meeting of the young official with the by no means elderly widow had not subsequently turned out to be the foundation of the whole career of that practical and precise young man. His story is remembered to this day with amazement in our town, and I shall perhaps have something to say about it, when I have finished my long history of the Brothers Karamazov.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II. THE ALARM&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Our police captain, Mihail Makarovitch Makarov, a retired lieutenant-colonel, was a widower and an excellent man. He had only come to us three years previously, but had won general esteem, chiefly because he &#8220;knew how to keep society together.&#8221; He was never without visitors, and could not have got on without them. Some one or other was always dining with him; he never sat down to table without guests. He gave regular dinners, too, on all sorts of occasions, sometimes most surprising ones. Though the fare was not &lt;i&gt;recherch&#233;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb25&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;recherch&#233; &#8211; sophisticated&#034; id=&#034;nh25&#034;&gt;25&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, it was abundant. The fish-pies were excellent, and the wine made up in quantity for what it lacked in quality.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The first room his guests entered was a well-fitted billiard-room, with pictures of English race-horses, in black frames on the walls, an essential decoration, as we all know, for a bachelor's billiard-room. There was card-playing every evening at his house, if only at one table. But at frequent intervals, all the society of our town, with the mammas and young ladies, assembled at his house to dance. Though Mihail Makarovitch was a widower, he did not live alone. His widowed daughter lived with him, with her two unmarried daughters, grown-up girls, who had finished their education. They were of agreeable appearance and lively character, and though every one knew they would have no dowry, they attracted all the young men of fashion to their grandfather's house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mihail Makarovitch was by no means very efficient in his work, though he performed his duties no worse than many others. To speak plainly, he was a man of rather narrow education. His understanding of the limits of his administrative power could not always be relied upon. It was not so much that he failed to grasp certain reforms enacted during the present reign, as that he made conspicuous blunders in his interpretation of them. This was not from any special lack of intelligence, but from carelessness, for he was always in too great a hurry to go into the subject.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have the heart of a soldier rather than of a civilian,&#8221; he used to say of himself. He had not even formed a definite idea of the fundamental principles of the reforms connected with the emancipation of the serfs, and only picked it up, so to speak, from year to year, involuntarily increasing his knowledge by practice. And yet he was himself a landowner. Pyotr Ilyitch knew for certain that he would meet some of Mihail Makarovitch's visitors there that evening, but he didn't know which. As it happened, at that moment the prosecutor, and Varvinsky, our district doctor, a young man, who had only just come to us from Petersburg after taking a brilliant degree at the Academy of Medicine, were playing whist at the police captain's. Ippolit Kirillovitch, the prosecutor (he was really the deputy prosecutor, but we always called him the prosecutor), was rather a peculiar man, of about five and thirty, inclined to be consumptive, and married to a fat and childless woman. He was vain and irritable, though he had a good intellect, and even a kind heart. It seemed that all that was wrong with him was that he had a better opinion of himself than his ability warranted. And that made him seem constantly uneasy. He had, moreover, certain higher, even artistic, leanings, towards psychology, for instance, a special study of the human heart, a special knowledge of the criminal and his crime. He cherished a grievance on this ground, considering that he had been passed over in the service, and being firmly persuaded that in higher spheres he had not been properly appreciated, and had enemies. In gloomy moments he even threatened to give up his post, and practice as a barrister in criminal cases. The unexpected Karamazov case agitated him profoundly: &#8220;It was a case that might well be talked about all over Russia.&#8221; But I am anticipating.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nikolay Parfenovitch Nelyudov, the young investigating lawyer, who had only come from Petersburg two months before, was sitting in the next room with the young ladies. People talked about it afterwards and wondered that all the gentlemen should, as though intentionally, on the evening of &#8220;the crime&#8221; have been gathered together at the house of the executive authority. Yet it was perfectly simple and happened quite naturally.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ippolit Kirillovitch's wife had had toothache for the last two days, and he was obliged to go out to escape from her groans. The doctor, from the very nature of his being, could not spend an evening except at cards. Nikolay Parfenovitch Nelyudov had been intending for three days past to drop in that evening at Mihail Makarovitch's, so to speak casually, so as slyly to startle the eldest granddaughter, Olga Mihailovna, by showing that he knew her secret, that he knew it was her birthday, and that she was trying to conceal it on purpose, so as not to be obliged to give a dance. He anticipated a great deal of merriment, many playful jests about her age, and her being afraid to reveal it, about his knowing her secret and telling everybody, and so on. The charming young man was a great adept at such teasing; the ladies had christened him &#8220;the naughty man,&#8221; and he seemed to be delighted at the name. He was extremely well-bred, however, of good family, education and feelings, and, though leading a life of pleasure, his sallies were always innocent and in good taste. He was short, and delicate-looking. On his white, slender, little fingers he always wore a number of big, glittering rings. When he was engaged in his official duties, he always became extraordinarily grave, as though realizing his position and the sanctity of the obligations laid upon him. He had a special gift for mystifying murderers and other criminals of the peasant class during interrogation, and if he did not win their respect, he certainly succeeded in arousing their wonder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pyotr Ilyitch was simply dumbfounded when he went into the police captain's. He saw instantly that every one knew. They had positively thrown down their cards, all were standing up and talking. Even Nikolay Parfenovitch had left the young ladies and run in, looking strenuous and ready for action. Pyotr Ilyitch was met with the astounding news that old Fyodor Pavlovitch really had been murdered that evening in his own house, murdered and robbed. The news had only just reached them in the following manner.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Marfa Ignatyevna, the wife of old Grigory, who had been knocked senseless near the fence, was sleeping soundly in her bed and might well have slept till morning after the draught she had taken. But, all of a sudden she waked up, no doubt roused by a fearful epileptic scream from Smerdyakov, who was lying in the next room unconscious. That scream always preceded his fits, and always terrified and upset Marfa Ignatyevna. She could never get accustomed to it. She jumped up and ran half-awake to Smerdyakov's room. But it was dark there, and she could only hear the invalid beginning to gasp and struggle. Then Marfa Ignatyevna herself screamed out and was going to call her husband, but suddenly realized that when she had got up, he was not beside her in bed. She ran back to the bedstead and began groping with her hands, but the bed was really empty. Then he must have gone out&#8212;where? She ran to the steps and timidly called him. She got no answer, of course, but she caught the sound of groans far away in the garden in the darkness. She listened. The groans were repeated, and it was evident they came from the garden.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good Lord! Just as it was with Lizaveta Smerdyastchaya!&#8221; she thought distractedly. She went timidly down the steps and saw that the gate into the garden was open.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He must be out there, poor dear,&#8221; she thought. She went up to the gate and all at once she distinctly heard Grigory calling her by name, &#8220;Marfa! Marfa!&#8221; in a weak, moaning, dreadful voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lord, preserve us from harm!&#8221; Marfa Ignatyevna murmured, and ran towards the voice, and that was how she found Grigory. But she found him not by the fence where he had been knocked down, but about twenty paces off. It appeared later, that he had crawled away on coming to himself, and probably had been a long time getting so far, losing consciousness several times. She noticed at once that he was covered with blood, and screamed at the top of her voice. Grigory was muttering incoherently:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He has murdered ... his father murdered.... Why scream, silly ... run ... fetch some one....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Marfa continued screaming, and seeing that her master's window was open and that there was a candle alight in the window, she ran there and began calling Fyodor Pavlovitch. But peeping in at the window, she saw a fearful sight. Her master was lying on his back, motionless, on the floor. His light-colored dressing-gown and white shirt were soaked with blood. The candle on the table brightly lighted up the blood and the motionless dead face of Fyodor Pavlovitch. Terror-stricken, Marfa rushed away from the window, ran out of the garden, drew the bolt of the big gate and ran headlong by the back way to the neighbor, Marya Kondratyevna. Both mother and daughter were asleep, but they waked up at Marfa's desperate and persistent screaming and knocking at the shutter. Marfa, shrieking and screaming incoherently, managed to tell them the main fact, and to beg for assistance. It happened that Foma had come back from his wanderings and was staying the night with them. They got him up immediately and all three ran to the scene of the crime. On the way, Marya Kondratyevna remembered that at about eight o'clock she heard a dreadful scream from their garden, and this was no doubt Grigory's scream, &#8220;Parricide!&#8221; uttered when he caught hold of Mitya's leg.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Some one person screamed out and then was silent,&#8221; Marya Kondratyevna explained as she ran. Running to the place where Grigory lay, the two women with the help of Foma carried him to the lodge. They lighted a candle and saw that Smerdyakov was no better, that he was writhing in convulsions, his eyes fixed in a squint, and that foam was flowing from his lips. They moistened Grigory's forehead with water mixed with vinegar, and the water revived him at once. He asked immediately:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is the master murdered?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then Foma and both the women ran to the house and saw this time that not only the window, but also the door into the garden was wide open, though Fyodor Pavlovitch had for the last week locked himself in every night and did not allow even Grigory to come in on any pretext. Seeing that door open, they were afraid to go in to Fyodor Pavlovitch &#8220;for fear anything should happen afterwards.&#8221; And when they returned to Grigory, the old man told them to go straight to the police captain. Marya Kondratyevna ran there and gave the alarm to the whole party at the police captain's. She arrived only five minutes before Pyotr Ilyitch, so that his story came, not as his own surmise and theory, but as the direct confirmation, by a witness, of the theory held by all, as to the identity of the criminal (a theory he had in the bottom of his heart refused to believe till that moment).&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was resolved to act with energy. The deputy police inspector of the town was commissioned to take four witnesses, to enter Fyodor Pavlovitch's house and there to open an inquiry on the spot, according to the regular forms, which I will not go into here. The district doctor, a zealous man, new to his work, almost insisted on accompanying the police captain, the prosecutor, and the investigating lawyer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I will note briefly that Fyodor Pavlovitch was found to be quite dead, with his skull battered in. But with what? Most likely with the same weapon with which Grigory had been attacked. And immediately that weapon was found, Grigory, to whom all possible medical assistance was at once given, described in a weak and breaking voice how he had been knocked down. They began looking with a lantern by the fence and found the brass pestle dropped in a most conspicuous place on the garden path. There were no signs of disturbance in the room where Fyodor Pavlovitch was lying. But by the bed, behind the screen, they picked up from the floor a big and thick envelope with the inscription: &#8220;A present of three thousand roubles for my angel Grushenka, if she is willing to come.&#8221; And below had been added by Fyodor Pavlovitch, &#8220;For my little chicken.&#8221; There were three seals of red sealing-wax on the envelope, but it had been torn open and was empty: the money had been removed. They found also on the floor a piece of narrow pink ribbon, with which the envelope had been tied up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
One piece of Pyotr Ilyitch's evidence made a great impression on the prosecutor and the investigating magistrate, namely, his idea that Dmitri Fyodorovitch would shoot himself before daybreak, that he had resolved to do so, had spoken of it to Ilyitch, had taken the pistols, loaded them before him, written a letter, put it in his pocket, etc. When Pyotr Ilyitch, though still unwilling to believe in it, threatened to tell some one so as to prevent the suicide, Mitya had answered grinning: &#8220;You'll be too late.&#8221; So they must make haste to Mokroe to find the criminal, before he really did shoot himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's clear, that's clear!&#8221; repeated the prosecutor in great excitement. &#8220;That's just the way with mad fellows like that: &#8216;I shall kill myself to-morrow, so I'll make merry till I die!' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The story of how he had bought the wine and provisions excited the prosecutor more than ever.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you remember the fellow that murdered a merchant called Olsufyev, gentlemen? He stole fifteen hundred, went at once to have his hair curled, and then, without even hiding the money, carrying it almost in his hand in the same way, he went off to the girls.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All were delayed, however, by the inquiry, the search, and the formalities, etc., in the house of Fyodor Pavlovitch. It all took time and so, two hours before starting, they sent on ahead to Mokroe the officer of the rural police, Mavriky Mavrikyevitch Schmertsov, who had arrived in the town the morning before to get his pay. He was instructed to avoid raising the alarm when he reached Mokroe, but to keep constant watch over the &#8220;criminal&#8221; till the arrival of the proper authorities, to procure also witnesses for the arrest, police constables, and so on. Mavriky Mavrikyevitch did as he was told, preserving his incognito, and giving no one but his old acquaintance, Trifon Borissovitch, the slightest hint of his secret business. He had spoken to him just before Mitya met the landlord in the balcony, looking for him in the dark, and noticed at once a change in Trifon Borissovitch's face and voice. So neither Mitya nor anyone else knew that he was being watched. The box with the pistols had been carried off by Trifon Borissovitch and put in a suitable place. Only after four o'clock, almost at sunrise, all the officials, the police captain, the prosecutor, the investigating lawyer, drove up in two carriages, each drawn by three horses. The doctor remained at Fyodor Pavlovitch's to make a post-mortem next day on the body. But he was particularly interested in the condition of the servant, Smerdyakov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Such violent and protracted epileptic fits, recurring continually for twenty-four hours, are rarely to be met with, and are of interest to science,&#8221; he declared enthusiastically to his companions, and as they left they laughingly congratulated him on his find. The prosecutor and the investigating lawyer distinctly remembered the doctor's saying that Smerdyakov could not outlive the night.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After these long, but I think necessary explanations, we will return to that moment of our tale at which we broke off.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III. THE SUFFERINGS OF A SOUL, THE FIRST ORDEAL&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And so Mitya sat looking wildly at the people round him, not understanding what was said to him. Suddenly he got up, flung up his hands, and shouted aloud:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm not guilty! I'm not guilty of that blood! I'm not guilty of my father's blood.... I meant to kill him. But I'm not guilty. Not I.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But he had hardly said this, before Grushenka rushed from behind the curtain and flung herself at the police captain's feet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was my fault! Mine! My wickedness!&#8221; she cried, in a heartrending voice, bathed in tears, stretching out her clasped hands towards them. &#8220;He did it through me. I tortured him and drove him to it. I tortured that poor old man that's dead, too, in my wickedness, and brought him to this! It's my fault, mine first, mine most, my fault!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it's your fault! You're the chief criminal! You fury! You harlot! You're the most to blame!&#8221; shouted the police captain, threatening her with his hand. But he was quickly and resolutely suppressed. The prosecutor positively seized hold of him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is absolutely irregular, Mihail Makarovitch!&#8221; he cried. &#8220;You are positively hindering the inquiry.... You're ruining the case....&#8221; he almost gasped.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Follow the regular course! Follow the regular course!&#8221; cried Nikolay Parfenovitch, fearfully excited too, &#8220;otherwise it's absolutely impossible!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Judge us together!&#8221; Grushenka cried frantically, still kneeling. &#8220;Punish us together. I will go with him now, if it's to death!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Grusha, my life, my blood, my holy one!&#8221; Mitya fell on his knees beside her and held her tight in his arms. &#8220;Don't believe her,&#8221; he cried, &#8220;she's not guilty of anything, of any blood, of anything!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He remembered afterwards that he was forcibly dragged away from her by several men, and that she was led out, and that when he recovered himself he was sitting at the table. Beside him and behind him stood the men with metal plates. Facing him on the other side of the table sat Nikolay Parfenovitch, the investigating lawyer. He kept persuading him to drink a little water out of a glass that stood on the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That will refresh you, that will calm you. Be calm, don't be frightened,&#8221; he added, extremely politely. Mitya (he remembered it afterwards) became suddenly intensely interested in his big rings, one with an amethyst, and another with a transparent bright yellow stone, of great brilliance. And long afterwards he remembered with wonder how those rings had riveted his attention through all those terrible hours of interrogation, so that he was utterly unable to tear himself away from them and dismiss them, as things that had nothing to do with his position. On Mitya's left side, in the place where Maximov had been sitting at the beginning of the evening, the prosecutor was now seated, and on Mitya's right hand, where Grushenka had been, was a rosy-cheeked young man in a sort of shabby hunting-jacket, with ink and paper before him. This was the secretary of the investigating lawyer, who had brought him with him. The police captain was now standing by the window at the other end of the room, beside Kalganov, who was sitting there.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Drink some water,&#8221; said the investigating lawyer softly, for the tenth time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have drunk it, gentlemen, I have ... but ... come, gentlemen, crush me, punish me, decide my fate!&#8221; cried Mitya, staring with terribly fixed wide-open eyes at the investigating lawyer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you positively declare that you are not guilty of the death of your father, Fyodor Pavlovitch?&#8221; asked the investigating lawyer, softly but insistently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am not guilty. I am guilty of the blood of another old man but not of my father's. And I weep for it! I killed, I killed the old man and knocked him down.... But it's hard to have to answer for that murder with another, a terrible murder of which I am not guilty.... It's a terrible accusation, gentlemen, a knock-down blow. But who has killed my father, who has killed him? Who can have killed him if I didn't? It's marvelous, extraordinary, impossible.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, who can have killed him?&#8221; the investigating lawyer was beginning, but Ippolit Kirillovitch, the prosecutor, glancing at him, addressed Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You need not worry yourself about the old servant, Grigory Vassilyevitch. He is alive, he has recovered, and in spite of the terrible blows inflicted, according to his own and your evidence, by you, there seems no doubt that he will live, so the doctor says, at least.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alive? He's alive?&#8221; cried Mitya, flinging up his hands. His face beamed. &#8220;Lord, I thank Thee for the miracle Thou has wrought for me, a sinner and evildoer. That's an answer to my prayer. I've been praying all night.&#8221; And he crossed himself three times. He was almost breathless.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So from this Grigory we have received such important evidence concerning you, that&#8212;&#8221; The prosecutor would have continued, but Mitya suddenly jumped up from his chair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One minute, gentlemen, for God's sake, one minute; I will run to her&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me, at this moment it's quite impossible,&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch almost shrieked. He, too, leapt to his feet. Mitya was seized by the men with the metal plates, but he sat down of his own accord....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen, what a pity! I wanted to see her for one minute only; I wanted to tell her that it has been washed away, it has gone, that blood that was weighing on my heart all night, and that I am not a murderer now! Gentlemen, she is my betrothed!&#8221; he said ecstatically and reverently, looking round at them all. &#8220;Oh, thank you, gentlemen! Oh, in one minute you have given me new life, new heart!... That old man used to carry me in his arms, gentlemen. He used to wash me in the tub when I was a baby three years old, abandoned by every one, he was like a father to me!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And so you&#8212;&#8221; the investigating lawyer began.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Allow me, gentlemen, allow me one minute more,&#8221; interposed Mitya, putting his elbows on the table and covering his face with his hands. &#8220;Let me have a moment to think, let me breathe, gentlemen. All this is horribly upsetting, horribly. A man is not a drum, gentlemen!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Drink a little more water,&#8221; murmured Nikolay Parfenovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya took his hands from his face and laughed. His eyes were confident. He seemed completely transformed in a moment. His whole bearing was changed; he was once more the equal of these men, with all of whom he was acquainted, as though they had all met the day before, when nothing had happened, at some social gathering. We may note in passing that, on his first arrival, Mitya had been made very welcome at the police captain's, but later, during the last month especially, Mitya had hardly called at all, and when the police captain met him, in the street, for instance, Mitya noticed that he frowned and only bowed out of politeness. His acquaintance with the prosecutor was less intimate, though he sometimes paid his wife, a nervous and fanciful lady, visits of politeness, without quite knowing why, and she always received him graciously and had, for some reason, taken an interest in him up to the last. He had not had time to get to know the investigating lawyer, though he had met him and talked to him twice, each time about the fair sex.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're a most skillful lawyer, I see, Nikolay Parfenovitch,&#8221; cried Mitya, laughing gayly, &#8220;but I can help you now. Oh, gentlemen, I feel like a new man, and don't be offended at my addressing you so simply and directly. I'm rather drunk, too, I'll tell you that frankly. I believe I've had the honor and pleasure of meeting you, Nikolay Parfenovitch, at my kinsman Mi&#252;sov's. Gentlemen, gentlemen, I don't pretend to be on equal terms with you. I understand, of course, in what character I am sitting before you. Oh, of course, there's a horrible suspicion ... hanging over me ... if Grigory has given evidence.... A horrible suspicion! It's awful, awful, I understand that! But to business, gentlemen, I am ready, and we will make an end of it in one moment; for, listen, listen, gentlemen! Since I know I'm innocent, we can put an end to it in a minute. Can't we? Can't we?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya spoke much and quickly, nervously and effusively, as though he positively took his listeners to be his best friends.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So, for the present, we will write that you absolutely deny the charge brought against you,&#8221; said Nikolay Parfenovitch, impressively, and bending down to the secretary he dictated to him in an undertone what to write.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Write it down? You want to write that down? Well, write it; I consent, I give my full consent, gentlemen, only ... do you see?... Stay, stay, write this. Of disorderly conduct I am guilty, of violence on a poor old man I am guilty. And there is something else at the bottom of my heart, of which I am guilty, too&#8212;but that you need not write down&#8221; (he turned suddenly to the secretary); &#8220;that's my personal life, gentlemen, that doesn't concern you, the bottom of my heart, that's to say.... But of the murder of my old father I'm not guilty. That's a wild idea. It's quite a wild idea!... I will prove you that and you'll be convinced directly.... You will laugh, gentlemen. You'll laugh yourselves at your suspicion!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Be calm, Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; said the investigating lawyer evidently trying to allay Mitya's excitement by his own composure. &#8220;Before we go on with our inquiry, I should like, if you will consent to answer, to hear you confirm the statement that you disliked your father, Fyodor Pavlovitch, that you were involved in continual disputes with him. Here at least, a quarter of an hour ago, you exclaimed that you wanted to kill him: &#8216;I didn't kill him,' you said, &#8216;but I wanted to kill him.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did I exclaim that? Ach, that may be so, gentlemen! Yes, unhappily, I did want to kill him ... many times I wanted to ... unhappily, unhappily!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You wanted to. Would you consent to explain what motives precisely led you to such a sentiment of hatred for your parent?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is there to explain, gentlemen?&#8221; Mitya shrugged his shoulders sullenly, looking down. &#8220;I have never concealed my feelings. All the town knows about it&#8212;every one knows in the tavern. Only lately I declared them in Father Zossima's cell.... And the very same day, in the evening I beat my father. I nearly killed him, and I swore I'd come again and kill him, before witnesses.... Oh, a thousand witnesses! I've been shouting it aloud for the last month, anyone can tell you that!... The fact stares you in the face, it speaks for itself, it cries aloud, but feelings, gentlemen, feelings are another matter. You see, gentlemen&#8221;&#8212;Mitya frowned&#8212;&#8220;it seems to me that about feelings you've no right to question me. I know that you are bound by your office, I quite understand that, but that's my affair, my private, intimate affair, yet ... since I haven't concealed my feelings in the past ... in the tavern, for instance, I've talked to every one, so ... so I won't make a secret of it now. You see, I understand, gentlemen, that there are terrible facts against me in this business. I told every one that I'd kill him, and now, all of a sudden, he's been killed. So it must have been me! Ha ha! I can make allowances for you, gentlemen, I can quite make allowances. I'm struck all of a heap myself, for who can have murdered him, if not I? That's what it comes to, isn't it? If not I, who can it be, who? Gentlemen, I want to know, I insist on knowing!&#8221; he exclaimed suddenly. &#8220;Where was he murdered? How was he murdered? How, and with what? Tell me,&#8221; he asked quickly, looking at the two lawyers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We found him in his study, lying on his back on the floor, with his head battered in,&#8221; said the prosecutor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's horrible!&#8221; Mitya shuddered and, putting his elbows on the table, hid his face in his right hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We will continue,&#8221; interposed Nikolay Parfenovitch. &#8220;So what was it that impelled you to this sentiment of hatred? You have asserted in public, I believe, that it was based upon jealousy?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, yes, jealousy. And not only jealousy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Disputes about money?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, about money, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There was a dispute about three thousand roubles, I think, which you claimed as part of your inheritance?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Three thousand! More, more,&#8221; cried Mitya hotly; &#8220;more than six thousand, more than ten, perhaps. I told every one so, shouted it at them. But I made up my mind to let it go at three thousand. I was desperately in need of that three thousand ... so the bundle of notes for three thousand that I knew he kept under his pillow, ready for Grushenka, I considered as simply stolen from me. Yes, gentlemen, I looked upon it as mine, as my own property....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor looked significantly at the investigating lawyer, and had time to wink at him on the sly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We will return to that subject later,&#8221; said the lawyer promptly. &#8220;You will allow us to note that point and write it down; that you looked upon that money as your own property?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Write it down, by all means. I know that's another fact that tells against me, but I'm not afraid of facts and I tell them against myself. Do you hear? Do you know, gentlemen, you take me for a different sort of man from what I am,&#8221; he added, suddenly gloomy and dejected. &#8220;You have to deal with a man of honor, a man of the highest honor; above all&#8212;don't lose sight of it&#8212;a man who's done a lot of nasty things, but has always been, and still is, honorable at bottom, in his inner being. I don't know how to express it. That's just what's made me wretched all my life, that I yearned to be honorable, that I was, so to say, a martyr to a sense of honor, seeking for it with a lantern, with the lantern of Diogenes, and yet all my life I've been doing filthy things like all of us, gentlemen ... that is like me alone. That was a mistake, like me alone, me alone!... Gentlemen, my head aches ...&#8221; His brows contracted with pain. &#8220;You see, gentlemen, I couldn't bear the look of him, there was something in him ignoble, impudent, trampling on everything sacred, something sneering and irreverent, loathsome, loathsome. But now that he's dead, I feel differently.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you mean?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't feel differently, but I wish I hadn't hated him so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You feel penitent?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, not penitent, don't write that. I'm not much good myself, I'm not very beautiful, so I had no right to consider him repulsive. That's what I mean. Write that down, if you like.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Saying this Mitya became very mournful. He had grown more and more gloomy as the inquiry continued.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that moment another unexpected scene followed. Though Grushenka had been removed, she had not been taken far away, only into the room next but one from the blue room, in which the examination was proceeding. It was a little room with one window, next beyond the large room in which they had danced and feasted so lavishly. She was sitting there with no one by her but Maximov, who was terribly depressed, terribly scared, and clung to her side, as though for security. At their door stood one of the peasants with a metal plate on his breast. Grushenka was crying, and suddenly her grief was too much for her, she jumped up, flung up her arms and, with a loud wail of sorrow, rushed out of the room to him, to her Mitya, and so unexpectedly that they had not time to stop her. Mitya, hearing her cry, trembled, jumped up, and with a yell rushed impetuously to meet her, not knowing what he was doing. But they were not allowed to come together, though they saw one another. He was seized by the arms. He struggled, and tried to tear himself away. It took three or four men to hold him. She was seized too, and he saw her stretching out her arms to him, crying aloud as they carried her away. When the scene was over, he came to himself again, sitting in the same place as before, opposite the investigating lawyer, and crying out to them:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you want with her? Why do you torment her? She's done nothing, nothing!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The lawyers tried to soothe him. About ten minutes passed like this. At last Mihail Makarovitch, who had been absent, came hurriedly into the room, and said in a loud and excited voice to the prosecutor:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's been removed, she's downstairs. Will you allow me to say one word to this unhappy man, gentlemen? In your presence, gentlemen, in your presence.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;By all means, Mihail Makarovitch,&#8221; answered the investigating lawyer. &#8220;In the present case we have nothing against it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, my dear fellow,&#8221; began the police captain, and there was a look of warm, almost fatherly, feeling for the luckless prisoner on his excited face. &#8220;I took your Agrafena Alexandrovna downstairs myself, and confided her to the care of the landlord's daughters, and that old fellow Maximov is with her all the time. And I soothed her, do you hear? I soothed and calmed her. I impressed on her that you have to clear yourself, so she mustn't hinder you, must not depress you, or you may lose your head and say the wrong thing in your evidence. In fact, I talked to her and she understood. She's a sensible girl, my boy, a good-hearted girl, she would have kissed my old hands, begging help for you. She sent me herself, to tell you not to worry about her. And I must go, my dear fellow, I must go and tell her that you are calm and comforted about her. And so you must be calm, do you understand? I was unfair to her; she is a Christian soul, gentlemen, yes, I tell you, she's a gentle soul, and not to blame for anything. So what am I to tell her, Dmitri Fyodorovitch? Will you sit quiet or not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The good-natured police captain said a great deal that was irregular, but Grushenka's suffering, a fellow creature's suffering, touched his good-natured heart, and tears stood in his eyes. Mitya jumped up and rushed towards him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive me, gentlemen, oh, allow me, allow me!&#8221; he cried. &#8220;You've the heart of an angel, an angel, Mihail Makarovitch, I thank you for her. I will, I will be calm, cheerful, in fact. Tell her, in the kindness of your heart, that I am cheerful, quite cheerful, that I shall be laughing in a minute, knowing that she has a guardian angel like you. I shall have done with all this directly, and as soon as I'm free, I'll be with her, she'll see, let her wait. Gentlemen,&#8221; he said, turning to the two lawyers, &#8220;now I'll open my whole soul to you; I'll pour out everything. We'll finish this off directly, finish it off gayly. We shall laugh at it in the end, shan't we? But, gentlemen, that woman is the queen of my heart. Oh, let me tell you that. That one thing I'll tell you now.... I see I'm with honorable men. She is my light, she is my holy one, and if only you knew! Did you hear her cry, &#8216;I'll go to death with you'? And what have I, a penniless beggar, done for her? Why such love for me? How can a clumsy, ugly brute like me, with my ugly face, deserve such love, that she is ready to go to exile with me? And how she fell down at your feet for my sake, just now!... and yet she's proud and has done nothing! How can I help adoring her, how can I help crying out and rushing to her as I did just now? Gentlemen, forgive me! But now, now I am comforted.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he sank back in his chair and, covering his face with his hands, burst into tears. But they were happy tears. He recovered himself instantly. The old police captain seemed much pleased, and the lawyers also. They felt that the examination was passing into a new phase. When the police captain went out, Mitya was positively gay.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, gentlemen, I am at your disposal, entirely at your disposal. And if it were not for all these trivial details, we should understand one another in a minute. I'm at those details again. I'm at your disposal, gentlemen, but I declare that we must have mutual confidence, you in me and I in you, or there'll be no end to it. I speak in your interests. To business, gentlemen, to business, and don't rummage in my soul; don't tease me with trifles, but only ask me about facts and what matters, and I will satisfy you at once. And damn the details!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So spoke Mitya. The interrogation began again.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV. THE SECOND ORDEAL&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;You don't know how you encourage us, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, by your readiness to answer,&#8221; said Nikolay Parfenovitch, with an animated air, and obvious satisfaction beaming in his very prominent, short-sighted, light gray eyes, from which he had removed his spectacles a moment before. &#8220;And you have made a very just remark about the mutual confidence, without which it is sometimes positively impossible to get on in cases of such importance, if the suspected party really hopes and desires to defend himself and is in a position to do so. We, on our side, will do everything in our power, and you can see for yourself how we are conducting the case. You approve, Ippolit Kirillovitch?&#8221; He turned to the prosecutor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, undoubtedly,&#8221; replied the prosecutor. His tone was somewhat cold, compared with Nikolay Parfenovitch's impulsiveness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I will note once for all that Nikolay Parfenovitch, who had but lately arrived among us, had from the first felt marked respect for Ippolit Kirillovitch, our prosecutor, and had become almost his bosom friend. He was almost the only person who put implicit faith in Ippolit Kirillovitch's extraordinary talents as a psychologist and orator and in the justice of his grievance. He had heard of him in Petersburg. On the other hand, young Nikolay Parfenovitch was the only person in the whole world whom our &#8220;unappreciated&#8221; prosecutor genuinely liked. On their way to Mokroe they had time to come to an understanding about the present case. And now as they sat at the table, the sharp-witted junior caught and interpreted every indication on his senior colleague's face&#8212;half a word, a glance, or a wink.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen, only let me tell my own story and don't interrupt me with trivial questions and I'll tell you everything in a moment,&#8221; said Mitya excitedly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excellent! Thank you. But before we proceed to listen to your communication, will you allow me to inquire as to another little fact of great interest to us? I mean the ten roubles you borrowed yesterday at about five o'clock on the security of your pistols, from your friend, Pyotr Ilyitch Perhotin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I pledged them, gentlemen. I pledged them for ten roubles. What more? That's all about it. As soon as I got back to town I pledged them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You got back to town? Then you had been out of town?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I went a journey of forty versts into the country. Didn't you know?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor and Nikolay Parfenovitch exchanged glances.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, how would it be if you began your story with a systematic description of all you did yesterday, from the morning onwards? Allow us, for instance, to inquire why you were absent from the town, and just when you left and when you came back&#8212;all those facts.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You should have asked me like that from the beginning,&#8221; cried Mitya, laughing aloud, &#8220;and, if you like, we won't begin from yesterday, but from the morning of the day before; then you'll understand how, why, and where I went. I went the day before yesterday, gentlemen, to a merchant of the town, called Samsonov, to borrow three thousand roubles from him on safe security. It was a pressing matter, gentlemen, it was a sudden necessity.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Allow me to interrupt you,&#8221; the prosecutor put in politely. &#8220;Why were you in such pressing need for just that sum, three thousand?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, gentlemen, you needn't go into details, how, when and why, and why just so much money, and not so much, and all that rigmarole. Why, it'll run to three volumes, and then you'll want an epilogue!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya said all this with the good-natured but impatient familiarity of a man who is anxious to tell the whole truth and is full of the best intentions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen!&#8221;&#8212;he corrected himself hurriedly&#8212;&#8220;don't be vexed with me for my restiveness, I beg you again. Believe me once more, I feel the greatest respect for you and understand the true position of affairs. Don't think I'm drunk. I'm quite sober now. And, besides, being drunk would be no hindrance. It's with me, you know, like the saying: &#8216;When he is sober, he is a fool; when he is drunk, he is a wise man.' Ha ha! But I see, gentlemen, it's not the proper thing to make jokes to you, till we've had our explanation, I mean. And I've my own dignity to keep up, too. I quite understand the difference for the moment. I am, after all, in the position of a criminal, and so, far from being on equal terms with you. And it's your business to watch me. I can't expect you to pat me on the head for what I did to Grigory, for one can't break old men's heads with impunity. I suppose you'll put me away for him for six months, or a year perhaps, in a house of correction. I don't know what the punishment is&#8212;but it will be without loss of the rights of my rank, without loss of my rank, won't it? So you see, gentlemen, I understand the distinction between us.... But you must see that you could puzzle God Himself with such questions. &#8216;How did you step? Where did you step? When did you step? And on what did you step?' I shall get mixed up, if you go on like this, and you will put it all down against me. And what will that lead to? To nothing! And even if it's nonsense I'm talking now, let me finish, and you, gentlemen, being men of honor and refinement, will forgive me! I'll finish by asking you, gentlemen, to drop that conventional method of questioning. I mean, beginning from some miserable trifle, how I got up, what I had for breakfast, how I spat, and where I spat, and so distracting the attention of the criminal, suddenly stun him with an overwhelming question, &#8216;Whom did you murder? Whom did you rob?' Ha ha! That's your regulation method, that's where all your cunning comes in. You can put peasants off their guard like that, but not me. I know the tricks. I've been in the service, too. Ha ha ha! You're not angry, gentlemen? You forgive my impertinence?&#8221; he cried, looking at them with a good-nature that was almost surprising. &#8220;It's only Mitya Karamazov, you know, so you can overlook it. It would be inexcusable in a sensible man; but you can forgive it in Mitya. Ha ha!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nikolay Parfenovitch listened, and laughed too. Though the prosecutor did not laugh, he kept his eyes fixed keenly on Mitya, as though anxious not to miss the least syllable, the slightest movement, the smallest twitch of any feature of his face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's how we have treated you from the beginning,&#8221; said Nikolay Parfenovitch, still laughing. &#8220;We haven't tried to put you out by asking how you got up in the morning and what you had for breakfast. We began, indeed, with questions of the greatest importance.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I understand. I saw it and appreciated it, and I appreciate still more your present kindness to me, an unprecedented kindness, worthy of your noble hearts. We three here are gentlemen, and let everything be on the footing of mutual confidence between educated, well-bred people, who have the common bond of noble birth and honor. In any case, allow me to look upon you as my best friends at this moment of my life, at this moment when my honor is assailed. That's no offense to you, gentlemen, is it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;On the contrary. You've expressed all that so well, Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch answered with dignified approbation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And enough of those trivial questions, gentlemen, all those tricky questions!&#8221; cried Mitya enthusiastically. &#8220;Or there's simply no knowing where we shall get to! Is there?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will follow your sensible advice entirely,&#8221; the prosecutor interposed, addressing Mitya. &#8220;I don't withdraw my question, however. It is now vitally important for us to know exactly why you needed that sum, I mean precisely three thousand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why I needed it?... Oh, for one thing and another.... Well, it was to pay a debt.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A debt to whom?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That I absolutely refuse to answer, gentlemen. Not because I couldn't, or because I shouldn't dare, or because it would be damaging, for it's all a paltry matter and absolutely trifling, but&#8212;I won't, because it's a matter of principle: that's my private life, and I won't allow any intrusion into my private life. That's my principle. Your question has no bearing on the case, and whatever has nothing to do with the case is my private affair. I wanted to pay a debt. I wanted to pay a debt of honor but to whom I won't say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Allow me to make a note of that,&#8221; said the prosecutor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;By all means. Write down that I won't say, that I won't. Write that I should think it dishonorable to say. Ech! you can write it; you've nothing else to do with your time.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Allow me to caution you, sir, and to remind you once more, if you are unaware of it,&#8221; the prosecutor began, with a peculiar and stern impressiveness, &#8220;that you have a perfect right not to answer the questions put to you now, and we on our side have no right to extort an answer from you, if you decline to give it for one reason or another. That is entirely a matter for your personal decision. But it is our duty, on the other hand, in such cases as the present, to explain and set before you the degree of injury you will be doing yourself by refusing to give this or that piece of evidence. After which I will beg you to continue.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen, I'm not angry ... I ...&#8221; Mitya muttered in a rather disconcerted tone. &#8220;Well, gentlemen, you see, that Samsonov to whom I went then ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
We will, of course, not reproduce his account of what is known to the reader already. Mitya was impatiently anxious not to omit the slightest detail. At the same time he was in a hurry to get it over. But as he gave his evidence it was written down, and therefore they had continually to pull him up. Mitya disliked this, but submitted; got angry, though still good-humoredly. He did, it is true, exclaim, from time to time, &#8220;Gentlemen, that's enough to make an angel out of patience!&#8221; Or, &#8220;Gentlemen, it's no good your irritating me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But even though he exclaimed he still preserved for a time his genially expansive mood. So he told them how Samsonov had made a fool of him two days before. (He had completely realized by now that he had been fooled.) The sale of his watch for six roubles to obtain money for the journey was something new to the lawyers. They were at once greatly interested, and even, to Mitya's intense indignation, thought it necessary to write the fact down as a secondary confirmation of the circumstance that he had hardly a farthing in his pocket at the time. Little by little Mitya began to grow surly. Then, after describing his journey to see Lyagavy, the night spent in the stifling hut, and so on, he came to his return to the town. Here he began, without being particularly urged, to give a minute account of the agonies of jealousy he endured on Grushenka's account.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was heard with silent attention. They inquired particularly into the circumstance of his having a place of ambush in Marya Kondratyevna's house at the back of Fyodor Pavlovitch's garden to keep watch on Grushenka, and of Smerdyakov's bringing him information. They laid particular stress on this, and noted it down. Of his jealousy he spoke warmly and at length, and though inwardly ashamed at exposing his most intimate feelings to &#8220;public ignominy,&#8221; so to speak, he evidently overcame his shame in order to tell the truth. The frigid severity, with which the investigating lawyer, and still more the prosecutor, stared intently at him as he told his story, disconcerted him at last considerably.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That boy, Nikolay Parfenovitch, to whom I was talking nonsense about women only a few days ago, and that sickly prosecutor are not worth my telling this to,&#8221; he reflected mournfully. &#8220;It's ignominious. &#8216;Be patient, humble, hold thy peace.' &#8221; He wound up his reflections with that line. But he pulled himself together to go on again. When he came to telling of his visit to Madame Hohlakov, he regained his spirits and even wished to tell a little anecdote of that lady which had nothing to do with the case. But the investigating lawyer stopped him, and civilly suggested that he should pass on to &#8220;more essential matters.&#8221; At last, when he described his despair and told them how, when he left Madame Hohlakov's, he thought that he'd &#8220;get three thousand if he had to murder some one to do it,&#8221; they stopped him again and noted down that he had &#8220;meant to murder some one.&#8221; Mitya let them write it without protest. At last he reached the point in his story when he learned that Grushenka had deceived him and had returned from Samsonov's as soon as he left her there, though she had said that she would stay there till midnight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If I didn't kill Fenya then, gentlemen, it was only because I hadn't time,&#8221; broke from him suddenly at that point in his story. That, too, was carefully written down. Mitya waited gloomily, and was beginning to tell how he ran into his father's garden when the investigating lawyer suddenly stopped him, and opening the big portfolio that lay on the sofa beside him he brought out the brass pestle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you recognize this object?&#8221; he asked, showing it to Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes,&#8221; he laughed gloomily. &#8220;Of course I recognize it. Let me have a look at it.... Damn it, never mind!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have forgotten to mention it,&#8221; observed the investigating lawyer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hang it all, I shouldn't have concealed it from you. Do you suppose I could have managed without it? It simply escaped my memory.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Be so good as to tell us precisely how you came to arm yourself with it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly I will be so good, gentlemen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Mitya described how he took the pestle and ran.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what object had you in view in arming yourself with such a weapon?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What object? No object. I just picked it up and ran off.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What for, if you had no object?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya's wrath flared up. He looked intently at &#8220;the boy&#8221; and smiled gloomily and malignantly. He was feeling more and more ashamed at having told &#8220;such people&#8221; the story of his jealousy so sincerely and spontaneously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bother the pestle!&#8221; broke from him suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But still&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, to keep off dogs.... Oh, because it was dark.... In case anything turned up.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But have you ever on previous occasions taken a weapon with you when you went out, since you're afraid of the dark?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ugh! damn it all, gentlemen! There's positively no talking to you!&#8221; cried Mitya, exasperated beyond endurance, and turning to the secretary, crimson with anger, he said quickly, with a note of fury in his voice:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Write down at once ... at once ... &#8216;that I snatched up the pestle to go and kill my father ... Fyodor Pavlovitch ... by hitting him on the head with it!' Well, now are you satisfied, gentlemen? Are your minds relieved?&#8221; he said, glaring defiantly at the lawyers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We quite understand that you made that statement just now through exasperation with us and the questions we put to you, which you consider trivial, though they are, in fact, essential,&#8221; the prosecutor remarked dryly in reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, upon my word, gentlemen! Yes, I took the pestle.... What does one pick things up for at such moments? I don't know what for. I snatched it up and ran&#8212;that's all. For to me, gentlemen, &lt;i&gt;passons&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb26&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;passons &#8211; let's pass on (to other things)&#034; id=&#034;nh26&#034;&gt;26&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, or I declare I won't tell you any more.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sat with his elbows on the table and his head in his hand. He sat sideways to them and gazed at the wall, struggling against a feeling of nausea. He had, in fact, an awful inclination to get up and declare that he wouldn't say another word, &#8220;not if you hang me for it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see, gentlemen,&#8221; he said at last, with difficulty controlling himself, &#8220;you see. I listen to you and am haunted by a dream.... It's a dream I have sometimes, you know.... I often dream it&#8212;it's always the same ... that some one is hunting me, some one I'm awfully afraid of ... that he's hunting me in the dark, in the night ... tracking me, and I hide somewhere from him, behind a door or cupboard, hide in a degrading way, and the worst of it is, he always knows where I am, but he pretends not to know where I am on purpose, to prolong my agony, to enjoy my terror.... That's just what you're doing now. It's just like that!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is that the sort of thing you dream about?&#8221; inquired the prosecutor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it is. Don't you want to write it down?&#8221; said Mitya, with a distorted smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; no need to write it down. But still you do have curious dreams.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not a question of dreams now, gentlemen&#8212;this is realism, this is real life! I'm a wolf and you're the hunters. Well, hunt him down!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are wrong to make such comparisons ...&#8221; began Nikolay Parfenovitch, with extraordinary softness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I'm not wrong, not at all!&#8221; Mitya flared up again, though his outburst of wrath had obviously relieved his heart. He grew more good-humored at every word. &#8220;You may not trust a criminal or a man on trial tortured by your questions, but an honorable man, the honorable impulses of the heart (I say that boldly!)&#8212;no! That you must believe you have no right indeed ... but&#8212;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Be silent, heart,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Be patient, humble, hold thy peace.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Well, shall I go on?&#8221; he broke off gloomily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you'll be so kind,&#8221; answered Nikolay Parfenovitch.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V. THE THIRD ORDEAL&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Though Mitya spoke sullenly, it was evident that he was trying more than ever not to forget or miss a single detail of his story. He told them how he had leapt over the fence into his father's garden; how he had gone up to the window; told them all that had passed under the window. Clearly, precisely, distinctly, he described the feelings that troubled him during those moments in the garden when he longed so terribly to know whether Grushenka was with his father or not. But, strange to say, both the lawyers listened now with a sort of awful reserve, looked coldly at him, asked few questions. Mitya could gather nothing from their faces.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They're angry and offended,&#8221; he thought. &#8220;Well, bother them!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When he described how he made up his mind at last to make the &#8220;signal&#8221; to his father that Grushenka had come, so that he should open the window, the lawyers paid no attention to the word &#8220;signal,&#8221; as though they entirely failed to grasp the meaning of the word in this connection: so much so, that Mitya noticed it. Coming at last to the moment when, seeing his father peering out of the window, his hatred flared up and he pulled the pestle out of his pocket, he suddenly, as though of design, stopped short. He sat gazing at the wall and was aware that their eyes were fixed upon him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well?&#8221; said the investigating lawyer. &#8220;You pulled out the weapon and ... and what happened then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then? Why, then I murdered him ... hit him on the head and cracked his skull.... I suppose that's your story. That's it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His eyes suddenly flashed. All his smothered wrath suddenly flamed up with extraordinary violence in his soul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Our story?&#8221; repeated Nikolay Parfenovitch. &#8220;Well&#8212;and yours?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya dropped his eyes and was a long time silent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My story, gentlemen? Well, it was like this,&#8221; he began softly. &#8220;Whether it was some one's tears, or my mother prayed to God, or a good angel kissed me at that instant, I don't know. But the devil was conquered. I rushed from the window and ran to the fence. My father was alarmed and, for the first time, he saw me then, cried out, and sprang back from the window. I remember that very well. I ran across the garden to the fence ... and there Grigory caught me, when I was sitting on the fence.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that point he raised his eyes at last and looked at his listeners. They seemed to be staring at him with perfectly unruffled attention. A sort of paroxysm of indignation seized on Mitya's soul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, you're laughing at me at this moment, gentlemen!&#8221; he broke off suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What makes you think that?&#8221; observed Nikolay Parfenovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't believe one word&#8212;that's why! I understand, of course, that I have come to the vital point. The old man's lying there now with his skull broken, while I&#8212;after dramatically describing how I wanted to kill him, and how I snatched up the pestle&#8212;I suddenly run away from the window. A romance! Poetry! As though one could believe a fellow on his word. Ha ha! You are scoffers, gentlemen!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he swung round on his chair so that it creaked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And did you notice,&#8221; asked the prosecutor suddenly, as though not observing Mitya's excitement, &#8220;did you notice when you ran away from the window, whether the door into the garden was open?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it was not open.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was shut. And who could open it? Bah! the door. Wait a bit!&#8221; he seemed suddenly to bethink himself, and almost with a start:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, did you find the door open?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it was open.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, who could have opened it if you did not open it yourselves?&#8221; cried Mitya, greatly astonished.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The door stood open, and your father's murderer undoubtedly went in at that door, and, having accomplished the crime, went out again by the same door,&#8221; the prosecutor pronounced deliberately, as though chiseling out each word separately. &#8220;That is perfectly clear. The murder was committed in the room and &lt;i&gt;not through the window&lt;/i&gt;; that is absolutely certain from the examination that has been made, from the position of the body and everything. There can be no doubt of that circumstance.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya was absolutely dumbfounded.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But that's utterly impossible!&#8221; he cried, completely at a loss. &#8220;I ... I didn't go in.... I tell you positively, definitely, the door was shut the whole time I was in the garden, and when I ran out of the garden. I only stood at the window and saw him through the window. That's all, that's all.... I remember to the last minute. And if I didn't remember, it would be just the same. I know it, for no one knew the signals except Smerdyakov, and me, and the dead man. And he wouldn't have opened the door to anyone in the world without the signals.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Signals? What signals?&#8221; asked the prosecutor, with greedy, almost hysterical, curiosity. He instantly lost all trace of his reserve and dignity. He asked the question with a sort of cringing timidity. He scented an important fact of which he had known nothing, and was already filled with dread that Mitya might be unwilling to disclose it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you didn't know!&#8221; Mitya winked at him with a malicious and mocking smile. &#8220;What if I won't tell you? From whom could you find out? No one knew about the signals except my father, Smerdyakov, and me: that was all. Heaven knew, too, but it won't tell you. But it's an interesting fact. There's no knowing what you might build on it. Ha ha! Take comfort, gentlemen, I'll reveal it. You've some foolish idea in your hearts. You don't know the man you have to deal with! You have to do with a prisoner who gives evidence against himself, to his own damage! Yes, for I'm a man of honor and you&#8212;are not.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor swallowed this without a murmur. He was trembling with impatience to hear the new fact. Minutely and diffusely Mitya told them everything about the signals invented by Fyodor Pavlovitch for Smerdyakov. He told them exactly what every tap on the window meant, tapped the signals on the table, and when Nikolay Parfenovitch said that he supposed he, Mitya, had tapped the signal &#8220;Grushenka has come,&#8221; when he tapped to his father, he answered precisely that he had tapped that signal, that &#8220;Grushenka had come.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So now you can build up your tower,&#8221; Mitya broke off, and again turned away from them contemptuously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So no one knew of the signals but your dead father, you, and the valet Smerdyakov? And no one else?&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch inquired once more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. The valet Smerdyakov, and Heaven. Write down about Heaven. That may be of use. Besides, you will need God yourselves.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And they had already, of course, begun writing it down. But while they wrote, the prosecutor said suddenly, as though pitching on a new idea:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But if Smerdyakov also knew of these signals and you absolutely deny all responsibility for the death of your father, was it not he, perhaps, who knocked the signal agreed upon, induced your father to open to him, and then ... committed the crime?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya turned upon him a look of profound irony and intense hatred. His silent stare lasted so long that it made the prosecutor blink.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've caught the fox again,&#8221; commented Mitya at last; &#8220;you've got the beast by the tail. Ha ha! I see through you, Mr. Prosecutor. You thought, of course, that I should jump at that, catch at your prompting, and shout with all my might, &#8216;Aie! it's Smerdyakov; he's the murderer.' Confess that's what you thought. Confess, and I'll go on.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the prosecutor did not confess. He held his tongue and waited.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're mistaken. I'm not going to shout &#8216;It's Smerdyakov,' &#8221; said Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you don't even suspect him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, do you suspect him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is suspected, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya fixed his eyes on the floor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Joking apart,&#8221; he brought out gloomily. &#8220;Listen. From the very beginning, almost from the moment when I ran out to you from behind the curtain, I've had the thought of Smerdyakov in my mind. I've been sitting here, shouting that I'm innocent and thinking all the time &#8216;Smerdyakov!' I can't get Smerdyakov out of my head. In fact, I, too, thought of Smerdyakov just now; but only for a second. Almost at once I thought, &#8216;No, it's not Smerdyakov.' It's not his doing, gentlemen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In that case is there anybody else you suspect?&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch inquired cautiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know anyone it could be, whether it's the hand of Heaven or Satan, but ... not Smerdyakov,&#8221; Mitya jerked out with decision.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what makes you affirm so confidently and emphatically that it's not he?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From my conviction&#8212;my impression. Because Smerdyakov is a man of the most abject character and a coward. He's not a coward, he's the epitome of all the cowardice in the world walking on two legs. He has the heart of a chicken. When he talked to me, he was always trembling for fear I should kill him, though I never raised my hand against him. He fell at my feet and blubbered; he has kissed these very boots, literally, beseeching me &#8216;not to frighten him.' Do you hear? &#8216;Not to frighten him.' What a thing to say! Why, I offered him money. He's a puling chicken&#8212;sickly, epileptic, weak-minded&#8212;a child of eight could thrash him. He has no character worth talking about. It's not Smerdyakov, gentlemen. He doesn't care for money; he wouldn't take my presents. Besides, what motive had he for murdering the old man? Why, he's very likely his son, you know&#8212;his natural son. Do you know that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We have heard that legend. But you are your father's son, too, you know; yet you yourself told every one you meant to murder him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's a thrust! And a nasty, mean one, too! I'm not afraid! Oh, gentlemen, isn't it too base of you to say that to my face? It's base, because I told you that myself. I not only wanted to murder him, but I might have done it. And, what's more, I went out of my way to tell you of my own accord that I nearly murdered him. But, you see, I didn't murder him; you see, my guardian angel saved me&#8212;that's what you've not taken into account. And that's why it's so base of you. For I didn't kill him, I didn't kill him! Do you hear, I did not kill him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was almost choking. He had not been so moved before during the whole interrogation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what has he told you, gentlemen&#8212;Smerdyakov, I mean?&#8221; he added suddenly, after a pause. &#8220;May I ask that question?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You may ask any question,&#8221; the prosecutor replied with frigid severity, &#8220;any question relating to the facts of the case, and we are, I repeat, bound to answer every inquiry you make. We found the servant Smerdyakov, concerning whom you inquire, lying unconscious in his bed, in an epileptic fit of extreme severity, that had recurred, possibly, ten times. The doctor who was with us told us, after seeing him, that he may possibly not outlive the night.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, if that's so, the devil must have killed him,&#8221; broke suddenly from Mitya, as though until that moment he had been asking himself: &#8220;Was it Smerdyakov or not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We will come back to this later,&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch decided. &#8220;Now, wouldn't you like to continue your statement?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya asked for a rest. His request was courteously granted. After resting, he went on with his story. But he was evidently depressed. He was exhausted, mortified and morally shaken. To make things worse the prosecutor exasperated him, as though intentionally, by vexatious interruptions about &#8220;trifling points.&#8221; Scarcely had Mitya described how, sitting on the wall, he had struck Grigory on the head with the pestle, while the old man had hold of his left leg, and how he had then jumped down to look at him, when the prosecutor stopped him to ask him to describe exactly how he was sitting on the wall. Mitya was surprised.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I was sitting like this, astride, one leg on one side of the wall and one on the other.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the pestle?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The pestle was in my hand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not in your pocket? Do you remember that precisely? Was it a violent blow you gave him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It must have been a violent one. But why do you ask?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Would you mind sitting on the chair just as you sat on the wall then and showing us just how you moved your arm, and in what direction?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're making fun of me, aren't you?&#8221; asked Mitya, looking haughtily at the speaker; but the latter did not flinch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya turned abruptly, sat astride on his chair, and swung his arm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This was how I struck him! That's how I knocked him down! What more do you want?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank you. May I trouble you now to explain why you jumped down, with what object, and what you had in view?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, hang it!... I jumped down to look at the man I'd hurt ... I don't know what for!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Though you were so excited and were running away?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, though I was excited and running away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You wanted to help him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Help!... Yes, perhaps I did want to help him.... I don't remember.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't remember? Then you didn't quite know what you were doing?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not at all. I remember everything&#8212;every detail. I jumped down to look at him, and wiped his face with my handkerchief.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We have seen your handkerchief. Did you hope to restore him to consciousness?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know whether I hoped it. I simply wanted to make sure whether he was alive or not.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! You wanted to be sure? Well, what then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm not a doctor. I couldn't decide. I ran away thinking I'd killed him. And now he's recovered.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excellent,&#8221; commented the prosecutor. &#8220;Thank you. That's all I wanted. Kindly proceed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alas! it never entered Mitya's head to tell them, though he remembered it, that he had jumped back from pity, and standing over the prostrate figure had even uttered some words of regret: &#8220;You've come to grief, old man&#8212;there's no help for it. Well, there you must lie.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor could only draw one conclusion: that the man had jumped back &#8220;at such a moment and in such excitement simply with the object of ascertaining whether the &lt;i&gt;only&lt;/i&gt; witness of his crime were dead; that he must therefore have been a man of great strength, coolness, decision and foresight even at such a moment,&#8221; ... and so on. The prosecutor was satisfied: &#8220;I've provoked the nervous fellow by &#8216;trifles' and he has said more than he meant to.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With painful effort Mitya went on. But this time he was pulled up immediately by Nikolay Parfenovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How came you to run to the servant, Fedosya Markovna, with your hands so covered with blood, and, as it appears, your face, too?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, I didn't notice the blood at all at the time,&#8221; answered Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's quite likely. It does happen sometimes.&#8221; The prosecutor exchanged glances with Nikolay Parfenovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I simply didn't notice. You're quite right there, prosecutor,&#8221; Mitya assented suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Next came the account of Mitya's sudden determination to &#8220;step aside&#8221; and make way for their happiness. But he could not make up his mind to open his heart to them as before, and tell them about &#8220;the queen of his soul.&#8221; He disliked speaking of her before these chilly persons &#8220;who were fastening on him like bugs.&#8221; And so in response to their reiterated questions he answered briefly and abruptly:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I made up my mind to kill myself. What had I left to live for? That question stared me in the face. Her first rightful lover had come back, the man who wronged her but who'd hurried back to offer his love, after five years, and atone for the wrong with marriage.... So I knew it was all over for me.... And behind me disgrace, and that blood&#8212;Grigory's.... What had I to live for? So I went to redeem the pistols I had pledged, to load them and put a bullet in my brain to-morrow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And a grand feast the night before?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, a grand feast the night before. Damn it all, gentlemen! Do make haste and finish it. I meant to shoot myself not far from here, beyond the village, and I'd planned to do it at five o'clock in the morning. And I had a note in my pocket already. I wrote it at Perhotin's when I loaded my pistols. Here's the letter. Read it! It's not for you I tell it,&#8221; he added contemptuously. He took it from his waistcoat pocket and flung it on the table. The lawyers read it with curiosity, and, as is usual, added it to the papers connected with the case.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you didn't even think of washing your hands at Perhotin's? You were not afraid then of arousing suspicion?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What suspicion? Suspicion or not, I should have galloped here just the same, and shot myself at five o'clock, and you wouldn't have been in time to do anything. If it hadn't been for what's happened to my father, you would have known nothing about it, and wouldn't have come here. Oh, it's the devil's doing. It was the devil murdered father, it was through the devil that you found it out so soon. How did you manage to get here so quick? It's marvelous, a dream!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mr. Perhotin informed us that when you came to him, you held in your hands ... your blood-stained hands ... your money ... a lot of money ... a bundle of hundred-rouble notes, and that his servant-boy saw it too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's true, gentlemen. I remember it was so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, there's one little point presents itself. Can you inform us,&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch began, with extreme gentleness, &#8220;where did you get so much money all of a sudden, when it appears from the facts, from the reckoning of time, that you had not been home?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor's brows contracted at the question being asked so plainly, but he did not interrupt Nikolay Parfenovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I didn't go home,&#8221; answered Mitya, apparently perfectly composed, but looking at the floor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Allow me then to repeat my question,&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch went on as though creeping up to the subject. &#8220;Where were you able to procure such a sum all at once, when by your own confession, at five o'clock the same day you&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was in want of ten roubles and pledged my pistols with Perhotin, and then went to Madame Hohlakov to borrow three thousand which she wouldn't give me, and so on, and all the rest of it,&#8221; Mitya interrupted sharply. &#8220;Yes, gentlemen, I was in want of it, and suddenly thousands turned up, eh? Do you know, gentlemen, you're both afraid now &#8216;what if he won't tell us where he got it?' That's just how it is. I'm not going to tell you, gentlemen. You've guessed right. You'll never know,&#8221; said Mitya, chipping out each word with extraordinary determination. The lawyers were silent for a moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You must understand, Mr. Karamazov, that it is of vital importance for us to know,&#8221; said Nikolay Parfenovitch, softly and suavely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I understand; but still I won't tell you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor, too, intervened, and again reminded the prisoner that he was at liberty to refuse to answer questions, if he thought it to his interest, and so on. But in view of the damage he might do himself by his silence, especially in a case of such importance as&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And so on, gentlemen, and so on. Enough! I've heard that rigmarole before,&#8221; Mitya interrupted again. &#8220;I can see for myself how important it is, and that this is the vital point, and still I won't say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it to us? It's not our business, but yours. You are doing yourself harm,&#8221; observed Nikolay Parfenovitch nervously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see, gentlemen, joking apart&#8221;&#8212;Mitya lifted his eyes and looked firmly at them both&#8212;&#8220;I had an inkling from the first that we should come to loggerheads at this point. But at first when I began to give my evidence, it was all still far away and misty; it was all floating, and I was so simple that I began with the supposition of mutual confidence existing between us. Now I can see for myself that such confidence is out of the question, for in any case we were bound to come to this cursed stumbling-block. And now we've come to it! It's impossible and there's an end of it! But I don't blame you. You can't believe it all simply on my word. I understand that, of course.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He relapsed into gloomy silence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Couldn't you, without abandoning your resolution to be silent about the chief point, could you not, at the same time, give us some slight hint as to the nature of the motives which are strong enough to induce you to refuse to answer, at a crisis so full of danger to you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya smiled mournfully, almost dreamily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm much more good-natured than you think, gentlemen. I'll tell you the reason why and give you that hint, though you don't deserve it. I won't speak of that, gentlemen, because it would be a stain on my honor. The answer to the question where I got the money would expose me to far greater disgrace than the murder and robbing of my father, if I had murdered and robbed him. That's why I can't tell you. I can't for fear of disgrace. What, gentlemen, are you going to write that down?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, we'll write it down,&#8221; lisped Nikolay Parfenovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You ought not to write that down about &#8216;disgrace.' I only told you that in the goodness of my heart. I needn't have told you. I made you a present of it, so to speak, and you pounce upon it at once. Oh, well, write&#8212;write what you like,&#8221; he concluded, with scornful disgust. &#8220;I'm not afraid of you and I can still hold up my head before you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And can't you tell us the nature of that disgrace?&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch hazarded.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor frowned darkly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no,&lt;i&gt;c'est fini&lt;/i&gt;, don't trouble yourselves. It's not worth while soiling one's hands. I have soiled myself enough through you as it is. You're not worth it&#8212;no one is ... Enough, gentlemen. I'm not going on.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This was said too peremptorily. Nikolay Parfenovitch did not insist further, but from Ippolit Kirillovitch's eyes he saw that he had not given up hope.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Can you not, at least, tell us what sum you had in your hands when you went into Mr. Perhotin's&#8212;how many roubles exactly?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can't tell you that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You spoke to Mr. Perhotin, I believe, of having received three thousand from Madame Hohlakov.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps I did. Enough, gentlemen. I won't say how much I had.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Will you be so good then as to tell us how you came here and what you have done since you arrived?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh! you might ask the people here about that. But I'll tell you if you like.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He proceeded to do so, but we won't repeat his story. He told it dryly and curtly. Of the raptures of his love he said nothing, but told them that he abandoned his determination to shoot himself, owing to &#8220;new factors in the case.&#8221; He told the story without going into motives or details. And this time the lawyers did not worry him much. It was obvious that there was no essential point of interest to them here.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We shall verify all that. We will come back to it during the examination of the witnesses, which will, of course, take place in your presence,&#8221; said Nikolay Parfenovitch in conclusion. &#8220;And now allow me to request you to lay on the table everything in your possession, especially all the money you still have about you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My money, gentlemen? Certainly. I understand that that is necessary. I'm surprised, indeed, that you haven't inquired about it before. It's true I couldn't get away anywhere. I'm sitting here where I can be seen. But here's my money&#8212;count it&#8212;take it. That's all, I think.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He turned it all out of his pockets; even the small change&#8212;two pieces of twenty copecks&#8212;he pulled out of his waistcoat pocket. They counted the money, which amounted to eight hundred and thirty-six roubles, and forty copecks.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And is that all?&#8221; asked the investigating lawyer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You stated just now in your evidence that you spent three hundred roubles at Plotnikovs'. You gave Perhotin ten, your driver twenty, here you lost two hundred, then....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nikolay Parfenovitch reckoned it all up. Mitya helped him readily. They recollected every farthing and included it in the reckoning. Nikolay Parfenovitch hurriedly added up the total.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;With this eight hundred you must have had about fifteen hundred at first?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I suppose so,&#8221; snapped Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How is it they all assert there was much more?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let them assert it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you asserted it yourself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I did, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We will compare all this with the evidence of other persons not yet examined. Don't be anxious about your money. It will be properly taken care of and be at your disposal at the conclusion of ... what is beginning ... if it appears, or, so to speak, is proved that you have undisputed right to it. Well, and now....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nikolay Parfenovitch suddenly got up, and informed Mitya firmly that it was his duty and obligation to conduct a minute and thorough search &#8220;of your clothes and everything else....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;By all means, gentlemen. I'll turn out all my pockets, if you like.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he did, in fact, begin turning out his pockets.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It will be necessary to take off your clothes, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What! Undress? Ugh! Damn it! Won't you search me as I am! Can't you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's utterly impossible, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. You must take off your clothes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As you like,&#8221; Mitya submitted gloomily; &#8220;only, please, not here, but behind the curtains. Who will search them?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Behind the curtains, of course.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nikolay Parfenovitch bent his head in assent. His small face wore an expression of peculiar solemnity.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI. THE PROSECUTOR CATCHES MITYA&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Something utterly unexpected and amazing to Mitya followed. He could never, even a minute before, have conceived that anyone could behave like that to him, Mitya Karamazov. What was worst of all, there was something humiliating in it, and on their side something &#8220;supercilious and scornful.&#8221; It was nothing to take off his coat, but he was asked to undress further, or rather not asked but &#8220;commanded,&#8221; he quite understood that. From pride and contempt he submitted without a word. Several peasants accompanied the lawyers and remained on the same side of the curtain. &#8220;To be ready if force is required,&#8221; thought Mitya, &#8220;and perhaps for some other reason, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, must I take off my shirt, too?&#8221; he asked sharply, but Nikolay Parfenovitch did not answer. He was busily engaged with the prosecutor in examining the coat, the trousers, the waistcoat and the cap; and it was evident that they were both much interested in the scrutiny. &#8220;They make no bones about it,&#8221; thought Mitya, &#8220;they don't keep up the most elementary politeness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I ask you for the second time&#8212;need I take off my shirt or not?&#8221; he said, still more sharply and irritably.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't trouble yourself. We will tell you what to do,&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch said, and his voice was positively peremptory, or so it seemed to Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Meantime a consultation was going on in undertones between the lawyers. There turned out to be on the coat, especially on the left side at the back, a huge patch of blood, dry, and still stiff. There were bloodstains on the trousers, too. Nikolay Parfenovitch, moreover, in the presence of the peasant witnesses, passed his fingers along the collar, the cuffs, and all the seams of the coat and trousers, obviously looking for something&#8212;money, of course. He didn't even hide from Mitya his suspicion that he was capable of sewing money up in his clothes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He treats me not as an officer but as a thief,&#8221; Mitya muttered to himself. They communicated their ideas to one another with amazing frankness. The secretary, for instance, who was also behind the curtain, fussing about and listening, called Nikolay Parfenovitch's attention to the cap, which they were also fingering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You remember Gridyenko, the copying-clerk,&#8221; observed the secretary. &#8220;Last summer he received the wages of the whole office, and pretended to have lost the money when he was drunk. And where was it found? Why, in just such pipings in his cap. The hundred-rouble notes were screwed up in little rolls and sewed in the piping.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Both the lawyers remembered Gridyenko's case perfectly, and so laid aside Mitya's cap, and decided that all his clothes must be more thoroughly examined later.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me,&#8221; cried Nikolay Parfenovitch, suddenly, noticing that the right cuff of Mitya's shirt was turned in, and covered with blood, &#8220;excuse me, what's that, blood?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; Mitya jerked out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is, what blood? ... and why is the cuff turned in?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya told him how he had got the sleeve stained with blood looking after Grigory, and had turned it inside when he was washing his hands at Perhotin's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You must take off your shirt, too. That's very important as material evidence.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya flushed red and flew into a rage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What, am I to stay naked?&#8221; he shouted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't disturb yourself. We will arrange something. And meanwhile take off your socks.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're not joking? Is that really necessary?&#8221; Mitya's eyes flashed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We are in no mood for joking,&#8221; answered Nikolay Parfenovitch sternly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, if I must&#8212;&#8221; muttered Mitya, and sitting down on the bed, he took off his socks. He felt unbearably awkward. All were clothed, while he was naked, and strange to say, when he was undressed he felt somehow guilty in their presence, and was almost ready to believe himself that he was inferior to them, and that now they had a perfect right to despise him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When all are undressed, one is somehow not ashamed, but when one's the only one undressed and everybody is looking, it's degrading,&#8221; he kept repeating to himself, again and again. &#8220;It's like a dream, I've sometimes dreamed of being in such degrading positions.&#8221; It was a misery to him to take off his socks. They were very dirty, and so were his underclothes, and now every one could see it. And what was worse, he disliked his feet. All his life he had thought both his big toes hideous. He particularly loathed the coarse, flat, crooked nail on the right one, and now they would all see it. Feeling intolerably ashamed made him, at once and intentionally, rougher. He pulled off his shirt, himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Would you like to look anywhere else if you're not ashamed to?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, there's no need to, at present.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, am I to stay naked like this?&#8221; he added savagely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that can't be helped for the time.... Kindly sit down here for a while. You can wrap yourself in a quilt from the bed, and I ... I'll see to all this.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All the things were shown to the witnesses. The report of the search was drawn up, and at last Nikolay Parfenovitch went out, and the clothes were carried out after him. Ippolit Kirillovitch went out, too. Mitya was left alone with the peasants, who stood in silence, never taking their eyes off him. Mitya wrapped himself up in the quilt. He felt cold. His bare feet stuck out, and he couldn't pull the quilt over so as to cover them. Nikolay Parfenovitch seemed to be gone a long time, &#8220;an insufferable time.&#8221; &#8220;He thinks of me as a puppy,&#8221; thought Mitya, gnashing his teeth. &#8220;That rotten prosecutor has gone, too, contemptuous no doubt, it disgusts him to see me naked!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya imagined, however, that his clothes would be examined and returned to him. But what was his indignation when Nikolay Parfenovitch came back with quite different clothes, brought in behind him by a peasant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here are clothes for you,&#8221; he observed airily, seeming well satisfied with the success of his mission. &#8220;Mr. Kalganov has kindly provided these for this unusual emergency, as well as a clean shirt. Luckily he had them all in his trunk. You can keep your own socks and underclothes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya flew into a passion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I won't have other people's clothes!&#8221; he shouted menacingly, &#8220;give me my own!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's impossible!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give me my own. Damn Kalganov and his clothes, too!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a long time before they could persuade him. But they succeeded somehow in quieting him down. They impressed upon him that his clothes, being stained with blood, must be &#8220;included with the other material evidence,&#8221; and that they &#8220;had not even the right to let him have them now ... taking into consideration the possible outcome of the case.&#8221; Mitya at last understood this. He subsided into gloomy silence and hurriedly dressed himself. He merely observed, as he put them on, that the clothes were much better than his old ones, and that he disliked &#8220;gaining by the change.&#8221; The coat was, besides, &#8220;ridiculously tight. Am I to be dressed up like a fool ... for your amusement?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They urged upon him again that he was exaggerating, that Kalganov was only a little taller, so that only the trousers might be a little too long. But the coat turned out to be really tight in the shoulders.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Damn it all! I can hardly button it,&#8221; Mitya grumbled. &#8220;Be so good as to tell Mr. Kalganov from me that I didn't ask for his clothes, and it's not my doing that they've dressed me up like a clown.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He understands that, and is sorry ... I mean, not sorry to lend you his clothes, but sorry about all this business,&#8221; mumbled Nikolay Parfenovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Confound his sorrow! Well, where now? Am I to go on sitting here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was asked to go back to the &#8220;other room.&#8221; Mitya went in, scowling with anger, and trying to avoid looking at any one. Dressed in another man's clothes he felt himself disgraced, even in the eyes of the peasants, and of Trifon Borissovitch, whose face appeared, for some reason, in the doorway, and vanished immediately. &#8220;He's come to look at me dressed up,&#8221; thought Mitya. He sat down on the same chair as before. He had an absurd nightmarish feeling, as though he were out of his mind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what now? Are you going to flog me? That's all that's left for you,&#8221; he said, clenching his teeth and addressing the prosecutor. He would not turn to Nikolay Parfenovitch, as though he disdained to speak to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He looked too closely at my socks, and turned them inside out on purpose to show every one how dirty they were&#8212;the scoundrel!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, now we must proceed to the examination of witnesses,&#8221; observed Nikolay Parfenovitch, as though in reply to Mitya's question.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; said the prosecutor thoughtfully, as though reflecting on something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We've done what we could in your interest, Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch went on, &#8220;but having received from you such an uncompromising refusal to explain to us the source from which you obtained the money found upon you, we are, at the present moment&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is the stone in your ring?&#8221; Mitya interrupted suddenly, as though awakening from a reverie. He pointed to one of the three large rings adorning Nikolay Parfenovitch's right hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ring?&#8221; repeated Nikolay Parfenovitch with surprise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that one ... on your middle finger, with the little veins in it, what stone is that?&#8221; Mitya persisted, like a peevish child.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's a smoky topaz,&#8221; said Nikolay Parfenovitch, smiling. &#8220;Would you like to look at it? I'll take it off ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, don't take it off,&#8221; cried Mitya furiously, suddenly waking up, and angry with himself. &#8220;Don't take it off ... there's no need.... Damn it!... Gentlemen, you've sullied my heart! Can you suppose that I would conceal it from you, if I had really killed my father, that I would shuffle, lie, and hide myself? No, that's not like Dmitri Karamazov, that he couldn't do, and if I were guilty, I swear I shouldn't have waited for your coming, or for the sunrise as I meant at first, but should have killed myself before this, without waiting for the dawn! I know that about myself now. I couldn't have learnt so much in twenty years as I've found out in this accursed night!... And should I have been like this on this night, and at this moment, sitting with you, could I have talked like this, could I have moved like this, could I have looked at you and at the world like this, if I had really been the murderer of my father, when the very thought of having accidentally killed Grigory gave me no peace all night&#8212;not from fear&#8212;oh, not simply from fear of your punishment! The disgrace of it! And you expect me to be open with such scoffers as you, who see nothing and believe in nothing, blind moles and scoffers, and to tell you another nasty thing I've done, another disgrace, even if that would save me from your accusation! No, better Siberia! The man who opened the door to my father and went in at that door, he killed him, he robbed him. Who was he? I'm racking my brains and can't think who. But I can tell you it was not Dmitri Karamazov, and that's all I can tell you, and that's enough, enough, leave me alone.... Exile me, punish me, but don't bother me any more. I'll say no more. Call your witnesses!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya uttered his sudden monologue as though he were determined to be absolutely silent for the future. The prosecutor watched him the whole time and only when he had ceased speaking, observed, as though it were the most ordinary thing, with the most frigid and composed air:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, about the open door of which you spoke just now, we may as well inform you, by the way, now, of a very interesting piece of evidence of the greatest importance both to you and to us, that has been given us by Grigory, the old man you wounded. On his recovery, he clearly and emphatically stated, in reply to our questions, that when, on coming out to the steps, and hearing a noise in the garden, he made up his mind to go into it through the little gate which stood open, before he noticed you running, as you have told us already, in the dark from the open window where you saw your father, he, Grigory, glanced to the left, and, while noticing the open window, observed at the same time, much nearer to him, the door, standing wide open&#8212;that door which you have stated to have been shut the whole time you were in the garden. I will not conceal from you that Grigory himself confidently affirms and bears witness that you must have run from that door, though, of course, he did not see you do so with his own eyes, since he only noticed you first some distance away in the garden, running towards the fence.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya had leapt up from his chair half-way through this speech.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nonsense!&#8221; he yelled, in a sudden frenzy, &#8220;it's a barefaced lie. He couldn't have seen the door open because it was shut. He's lying!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I consider it my duty to repeat that he is firm in his statement. He does not waver. He adheres to it. We've cross-examined him several times.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Precisely. I have cross-examined him several times,&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch confirmed warmly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's false, false! It's either an attempt to slander me, or the hallucination of a madman,&#8221; Mitya still shouted. &#8220;He's simply raving, from loss of blood, from the wound. He must have fancied it when he came to.... He's raving.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but he noticed the open door, not when he came to after his injuries, but before that, as soon as he went into the garden from the lodge.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But it's false, it's false! It can't be so! He's slandering me from spite.... He couldn't have seen it ... I didn't come from the door,&#8221; gasped Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor turned to Nikolay Parfenovitch and said to him impressively:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Confront him with it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you recognize this object?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nikolay Parfenovitch laid upon the table a large and thick official envelope, on which three seals still remained intact. The envelope was empty, and slit open at one end. Mitya stared at it with open eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It ... it must be that envelope of my father's, the envelope that contained the three thousand roubles ... and if there's inscribed on it, allow me, &#8216;For my little chicken' ... yes&#8212;three thousand!&#8221; he shouted, &#8220;do you see, three thousand, do you see?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course, we see. But we didn't find the money in it. It was empty, and lying on the floor by the bed, behind the screen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For some seconds Mitya stood as though thunderstruck.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen, it's Smerdyakov!&#8221; he shouted suddenly, at the top of his voice. &#8220;It's he who's murdered him! He's robbed him! No one else knew where the old man hid the envelope. It's Smerdyakov, that's clear, now!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you, too, knew of the envelope and that it was under the pillow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I never knew it. I've never seen it. This is the first time I've looked at it. I'd only heard of it from Smerdyakov.... He was the only one who knew where the old man kept it hidden, I didn't know ...&#8221; Mitya was completely breathless.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you told us yourself that the envelope was under your deceased father's pillow. You especially stated that it was under the pillow, so you must have known it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We've got it written down,&#8221; confirmed Nikolay Parfenovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nonsense! It's absurd! I'd no idea it was under the pillow. And perhaps it wasn't under the pillow at all.... It was just a chance guess that it was under the pillow. What does Smerdyakov say? Have you asked him where it was? What does Smerdyakov say? that's the chief point.... And I went out of my way to tell lies against myself.... I told you without thinking that it was under the pillow, and now you&#8212; Oh, you know how one says the wrong thing, without meaning it. No one knew but Smerdyakov, only Smerdyakov, and no one else.... He didn't even tell me where it was! But it's his doing, his doing; there's no doubt about it, he murdered him, that's as clear as daylight now,&#8221; Mitya exclaimed more and more frantically, repeating himself incoherently, and growing more and more exasperated and excited. &#8220;You must understand that, and arrest him at once.... He must have killed him while I was running away and while Grigory was unconscious, that's clear now.... He gave the signal and father opened to him ... for no one but he knew the signal, and without the signal father would never have opened the door....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you're again forgetting the circumstance,&#8221; the prosecutor observed, still speaking with the same restraint, though with a note of triumph, &#8220;that there was no need to give the signal if the door already stood open when you were there, while you were in the garden....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The door, the door,&#8221; muttered Mitya, and he stared speechless at the prosecutor. He sank back helpless in his chair. All were silent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, the door!... It's a nightmare! God is against me!&#8221; he exclaimed, staring before him in complete stupefaction.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, you see,&#8221; the prosecutor went on with dignity, &#8220;and you can judge for yourself, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. On the one hand we have the evidence of the open door from which you ran out, a fact which overwhelms you and us. On the other side your incomprehensible, persistent, and, so to speak, obdurate silence with regard to the source from which you obtained the money which was so suddenly seen in your hands, when only three hours earlier, on your own showing, you pledged your pistols for the sake of ten roubles! In view of all these facts, judge for yourself. What are we to believe, and what can we depend upon? And don't accuse us of being &#8216;frigid, cynical, scoffing people,' who are incapable of believing in the generous impulses of your heart.... Try to enter into our position ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya was indescribably agitated. He turned pale.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well!&#8221; he exclaimed suddenly. &#8220;I will tell you my secret. I'll tell you where I got the money!... I'll reveal my shame, that I may not have to blame myself or you hereafter.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And believe me, Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; put in Nikolay Parfenovitch, in a voice of almost pathetic delight, &#8220;that every sincere and complete confession on your part at this moment may, later on, have an immense influence in your favor, and may, indeed, moreover&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the prosecutor gave him a slight shove under the table, and he checked himself in time. Mitya, it is true, had not heard him.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII. MITYA'S GREAT SECRET. RECEIVED WITH HISSES&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Gentlemen,&#8221; he began, still in the same agitation, &#8220;I want to make a full confession: that money was &lt;i&gt;my own&lt;/i&gt;.&#8221; The lawyers' faces lengthened. That was not at all what they expected.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you mean?&#8221; faltered Nikolay Parfenovitch, &#8220;when at five o'clock on the same day, from your own confession&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Damn five o'clock on the same day and my own confession! That's nothing to do with it now! That money was my own, my own, that is, stolen by me ... not mine, I mean, but stolen by me, and it was fifteen hundred roubles, and I had it on me all the time, all the time ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But where did you get it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I took it off my neck, gentlemen, off this very neck ... it was here, round my neck, sewn up in a rag, and I'd had it round my neck a long time, it's a month since I put it round my neck ... to my shame and disgrace!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And from whom did you ... appropriate it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You mean, &#8216;steal it'? Speak out plainly now. Yes, I consider that I practically stole it, but, if you prefer, I &#8216;appropriated it.' I consider I stole it. And last night I stole it finally.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Last night? But you said that it's a month since you ... obtained it?...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. But not from my father. Not from my father, don't be uneasy. I didn't steal it from my father, but from her. Let me tell you without interrupting. It's hard to do, you know. You see, a month ago, I was sent for by Katerina Ivanovna, formerly my betrothed. Do you know her?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, of course.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know you know her. She's a noble creature, noblest of the noble. But she has hated me ever so long, oh, ever so long ... and hated me with good reason, good reason!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Katerina Ivanovna!&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch exclaimed with wonder. The prosecutor, too, stared.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, don't take her name in vain! I'm a scoundrel to bring her into it. Yes, I've seen that she hated me ... a long while.... From the very first, even that evening at my lodging ... but enough, enough. You're unworthy even to know of that. No need of that at all.... I need only tell you that she sent for me a month ago, gave me three thousand roubles to send off to her sister and another relation in Moscow (as though she couldn't have sent it off herself!) and I ... it was just at that fatal moment in my life when I ... well, in fact, when I'd just come to love another, her, she's sitting down below now, Grushenka. I carried her off here to Mokroe then, and wasted here in two days half that damned three thousand, but the other half I kept on me. Well, I've kept that other half, that fifteen hundred, like a locket round my neck, but yesterday I undid it, and spent it. What's left of it, eight hundred roubles, is in your hands now, Nikolay Parfenovitch. That's the change out of the fifteen hundred I had yesterday.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me. How's that? Why, when you were here a month ago you spent three thousand, not fifteen hundred, everybody knows that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who knows it? Who counted the money? Did I let anyone count it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, you told every one yourself that you'd spent exactly three thousand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's true, I did. I told the whole town so, and the whole town said so. And here, at Mokroe, too, every one reckoned it was three thousand. Yet I didn't spend three thousand, but fifteen hundred. And the other fifteen hundred I sewed into a little bag. That's how it was, gentlemen. That's where I got that money yesterday....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is almost miraculous,&#8221; murmured Nikolay Parfenovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Allow me to inquire,&#8221; observed the prosecutor at last, &#8220;have you informed anyone whatever of this circumstance before, I mean that you had fifteen hundred left about you a month ago?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I told no one.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's strange. Do you mean absolutely no one?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Absolutely no one. No one and nobody.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What was your reason for this reticence? What was your motive for making such a secret of it? To be more precise: You have told us at last your secret, in your words, so &#8216;disgraceful,' though in reality&#8212;that is, of course, comparatively speaking&#8212;this action, that is, the appropriation of three thousand roubles belonging to some one else, and, of course, only for a time is, in my view at least, only an act of the greatest recklessness and not so disgraceful, when one takes into consideration your character.... Even admitting that it was an action in the highest degree discreditable, still, discreditable is not &#8216;disgraceful.'... Many people have already guessed, during this last month, about the three thousand of Katerina Ivanovna's, that you have spent, and I heard the legend myself, apart from your confession.... Mihail Makarovitch, for instance, had heard it, too, so that indeed, it was scarcely a legend, but the gossip of the whole town. There are indications, too, if I am not mistaken, that you confessed this yourself to some one, I mean that the money was Katerina Ivanovna's, and so, it's extremely surprising to me that hitherto, that is, up to the present moment, you have made such an extraordinary secret of the fifteen hundred you say you put by, apparently connecting a feeling of positive horror with that secret.... It's not easy to believe that it could cost you such distress to confess such a secret.... You cried out, just now, that Siberia would be better than confessing it ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor ceased speaking. He was provoked. He did not conceal his vexation, which was almost anger, and gave vent to all his accumulated spleen, disconnectedly and incoherently, without choosing words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not the fifteen hundred that's the disgrace, but that I put it apart from the rest of the three thousand,&#8221; said Mitya firmly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why?&#8221; smiled the prosecutor irritably. &#8220;What is there disgraceful, to your thinking, in your having set aside half of the three thousand you had discreditably, if you prefer, &#8216;disgracefully,' appropriated? Your taking the three thousand is more important than what you did with it. And by the way, why did you do that&#8212;why did you set apart that half, for what purpose, for what object did you do it? Can you explain that to us?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, gentlemen, the purpose is the whole point!&#8221; cried Mitya. &#8220;I put it aside because I was vile, that is, because I was calculating, and to be calculating in such a case is vile ... and that vileness has been going on a whole month.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's incomprehensible.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I wonder at you. But I'll make it clearer. Perhaps it really is incomprehensible. You see, attend to what I say. I appropriate three thousand entrusted to my honor, I spend it on a spree, say I spend it all, and next morning I go to her and say, &#8216;Katya, I've done wrong, I've squandered your three thousand,' well, is that right? No, it's not right&#8212;it's dishonest and cowardly, I'm a beast, with no more self-control than a beast, that's so, isn't it? But still I'm not a thief? Not a downright thief, you'll admit! I squandered it, but I didn't steal it. Now a second, rather more favorable alternative: follow me carefully, or I may get confused again&#8212;my head's going round&#8212;and so, for the second alternative: I spend here only fifteen hundred out of the three thousand, that is, only half. Next day I go and take that half to her: &#8216;Katya, take this fifteen hundred from me, I'm a low beast, and an untrustworthy scoundrel, for I've wasted half the money, and I shall waste this, too, so keep me from temptation!' Well, what of that alternative? I should be a beast and a scoundrel, and whatever you like; but not a thief, not altogether a thief, or I should not have brought back what was left, but have kept that, too. She would see at once that since I brought back half, I should pay back what I'd spent, that I should never give up trying to, that I should work to get it and pay it back. So in that case I should be a scoundrel, but not a thief, you may say what you like, not a thief!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I admit that there is a certain distinction,&#8221; said the prosecutor, with a cold smile. &#8220;But it's strange that you see such a vital difference.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I see a vital difference! Every man may be a scoundrel, and perhaps every man is a scoundrel, but not every one can be a thief, it takes an arch-scoundrel to be that. Oh, of course, I don't know how to make these fine distinctions ... but a thief is lower than a scoundrel, that's my conviction. Listen, I carry the money about me a whole month, I may make up my mind to give it back to-morrow, and I'm a scoundrel no longer, but I cannot make up my mind, you see, though I'm making up my mind every day, and every day spurring myself on to do it, and yet for a whole month I can't bring myself to it, you see. Is that right to your thinking, is that right?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly, that's not right, that I can quite understand, and that I don't dispute,&#8221; answered the prosecutor with reserve. &#8220;And let us give up all discussion of these subtleties and distinctions, and, if you will be so kind, get back to the point. And the point is, that you have still not told us, altogether we've asked you, why, in the first place, you halved the money, squandering one half and hiding the other? For what purpose exactly did you hide it, what did you mean to do with that fifteen hundred? I insist upon that question, Dmitri Fyodorovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, of course!&#8221; cried Mitya, striking himself on the forehead; &#8220;forgive me, I'm worrying you, and am not explaining the chief point, or you'd understand in a minute, for it's just the motive of it that's the disgrace! You see, it was all to do with the old man, my dead father. He was always pestering Agrafena Alexandrovna, and I was jealous; I thought then that she was hesitating between me and him. So I kept thinking every day, suppose she were to make up her mind all of a sudden, suppose she were to leave off tormenting me, and were suddenly to say to me, &#8216;I love you, not him; take me to the other end of the world.' And I'd only forty copecks; how could I take her away, what could I do? Why, I'd be lost. You see, I didn't know her then, I didn't understand her, I thought she wanted money, and that she wouldn't forgive my poverty. And so I fiendishly counted out the half of that three thousand, sewed it up, calculating on it, sewed it up before I was drunk, and after I had sewn it up, I went off to get drunk on the rest. Yes, that was base. Do you understand now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Both the lawyers laughed aloud.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should have called it sensible and moral on your part not to have squandered it all,&#8221; chuckled Nikolay Parfenovitch, &#8220;for after all what does it amount to?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, that I stole it, that's what it amounts to! Oh, God, you horrify me by not understanding! Every day that I had that fifteen hundred sewn up round my neck, every day and every hour I said to myself, &#8216;You're a thief! you're a thief!' Yes, that's why I've been so savage all this month, that's why I fought in the tavern, that's why I attacked my father, it was because I felt I was a thief. I couldn't make up my mind, I didn't dare even to tell Alyosha, my brother, about that fifteen hundred: I felt I was such a scoundrel and such a pickpocket. But, do you know, while I carried it I said to myself at the same time every hour: &#8216;No, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, you may yet not be a thief.' Why? Because I might go next day and pay back that fifteen hundred to Katya. And only yesterday I made up my mind to tear my amulet off my neck, on my way from Fenya's to Perhotin. I hadn't been able till that moment to bring myself to it. And it was only when I tore it off that I became a downright thief, a thief and a dishonest man for the rest of my life. Why? Because, with that I destroyed, too, my dream of going to Katya and saying, &#8216;I'm a scoundrel, but not a thief!' Do you understand now? Do you understand?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What was it made you decide to do it yesterday?&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch interrupted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why? It's absurd to ask. Because I had condemned myself to die at five o'clock this morning, here, at dawn. I thought it made no difference whether I died a thief or a man of honor. But I see it's not so, it turns out that it does make a difference. Believe me, gentlemen, what has tortured me most during this night has not been the thought that I'd killed the old servant, and that I was in danger of Siberia just when my love was being rewarded, and Heaven was open to me again. Oh, that did torture me, but not in the same way: not so much as the damned consciousness that I had torn that damned money off my breast at last and spent it, and had become a downright thief! Oh, gentlemen, I tell you again, with a bleeding heart, I have learnt a great deal this night. I have learnt that it's not only impossible to live a scoundrel, but impossible to die a scoundrel.... No, gentlemen, one must die honest....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya was pale. His face had a haggard and exhausted look, in spite of his being intensely excited.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am beginning to understand you, Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; the prosecutor said slowly, in a soft and almost compassionate tone. &#8220;But all this, if you'll excuse my saying so, is a matter of nerves, in my opinion ... your overwrought nerves, that's what it is. And why, for instance, should you not have saved yourself such misery for almost a month, by going and returning that fifteen hundred to the lady who had entrusted it to you? And why could you not have explained things to her, and in view of your position, which you describe as being so awful, why could you not have had recourse to the plan which would so naturally have occurred to one's mind, that is, after honorably confessing your errors to her, why could you not have asked her to lend you the sum needed for your expenses, which, with her generous heart, she would certainly not have refused you in your distress, especially if it had been with some guarantee, or even on the security you offered to the merchant Samsonov, and to Madame Hohlakov? I suppose you still regard that security as of value?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya suddenly crimsoned.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Surely you don't think me such an out and out scoundrel as that? You can't be speaking in earnest?&#8221; he said, with indignation, looking the prosecutor straight in the face, and seeming unable to believe his ears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I assure you I'm in earnest.... Why do you imagine I'm not serious?&#8221; It was the prosecutor's turn to be surprised.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, how base that would have been! Gentlemen, do you know, you are torturing me! Let me tell you everything, so be it. I'll confess all my infernal wickedness, but to put you to shame, and you'll be surprised yourselves at the depth of ignominy to which a medley of human passions can sink. You must know that I already had that plan myself, that plan you spoke of, just now, prosecutor! Yes, gentlemen, I, too, have had that thought in my mind all this current month, so that I was on the point of deciding to go to Katya&#8212;I was mean enough for that. But to go to her, to tell her of my treachery, and for that very treachery, to carry it out, for the expenses of that treachery, to beg for money from her, Katya (to beg, do you hear, to beg), and go straight from her to run away with the other, the rival, who hated and insulted her&#8212;to think of it! You must be mad, prosecutor!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mad I am not, but I did speak in haste, without thinking ... of that feminine jealousy ... if there could be jealousy in this case, as you assert ... yes, perhaps there is something of the kind,&#8221; said the prosecutor, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But that would have been so infamous!&#8221; Mitya brought his fist down on the table fiercely. &#8220;That would have been filthy beyond everything! Yes, do you know that she might have given me that money, yes, and she would have given it, too; she'd have been certain to give it, to be revenged on me, she'd have given it to satisfy her vengeance, to show her contempt for me, for hers is an infernal nature, too, and she's a woman of great wrath. I'd have taken the money, too, oh, I should have taken it; I should have taken it, and then, for the rest of my life ... oh, God! Forgive me, gentlemen, I'm making such an outcry because I've had that thought in my mind so lately, only the day before yesterday, that night when I was having all that bother with Lyagavy, and afterwards yesterday, all day yesterday, I remember, till that happened ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Till what happened?&#8221; put in Nikolay Parfenovitch inquisitively, but Mitya did not hear it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have made you an awful confession,&#8221; Mitya said gloomily in conclusion. &#8220;You must appreciate it, and what's more, you must respect it, for if not, if that leaves your souls untouched, then you've simply no respect for me, gentlemen, I tell you that, and I shall die of shame at having confessed it to men like you! Oh, I shall shoot myself! Yes, I see, I see already that you don't believe me. What, you want to write that down, too?&#8221; he cried in dismay.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, what you said just now,&#8221; said Nikolay Parfenovitch, looking at him in surprise, &#8220;that is, that up to the last hour you were still contemplating going to Katerina Ivanovna to beg that sum from her.... I assure you, that's a very important piece of evidence for us, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, I mean for the whole case ... and particularly for you, particularly important for you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have mercy, gentlemen!&#8221; Mitya flung up his hands. &#8220;Don't write that, anyway; have some shame. Here I've torn my heart asunder before you, and you seize the opportunity and are fingering the wounds in both halves.... Oh, my God!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In despair he hid his face in his hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't worry yourself so, Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; observed the prosecutor, &#8220;everything that is written down will be read over to you afterwards, and what you don't agree to we'll alter as you like. But now I'll ask you one little question for the second time. Has no one, absolutely no one, heard from you of that money you sewed up? That, I must tell you, is almost impossible to believe.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No one, no one, I told you so before, or you've not understood anything! Let me alone!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well, this matter is bound to be explained, and there's plenty of time for it, but meantime, consider; we have perhaps a dozen witnesses that you yourself spread it abroad, and even shouted almost everywhere about the three thousand you'd spent here; three thousand, not fifteen hundred. And now, too, when you got hold of the money you had yesterday, you gave many people to understand that you had brought three thousand with you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've got not dozens, but hundreds of witnesses, two hundred witnesses, two hundred have heard it, thousands have heard it!&#8221; cried Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you see, all bear witness to it. And the word &lt;i&gt;all&lt;/i&gt; means something.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It means nothing. I talked rot, and every one began repeating it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what need had you to &#8216;talk rot,' as you call it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The devil knows. From bravado perhaps ... at having wasted so much money.... To try and forget that money I had sewn up, perhaps ... yes, that was why ... damn it ... how often will you ask me that question? Well, I told a fib, and that was the end of it, once I'd said it, I didn't care to correct it. What does a man tell lies for sometimes?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's very difficult to decide, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, what makes a man tell lies,&#8221; observed the prosecutor impressively. &#8220;Tell me, though, was that &#8216;amulet,' as you call it, on your neck, a big thing?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, not big.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How big, for instance?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you fold a hundred-rouble note in half, that would be the size.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'd better show us the remains of it. You must have them somewhere.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Damnation, what nonsense! I don't know where they are.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But excuse me: where and when did you take it off your neck? According to your own evidence you didn't go home.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When I was going from Fenya's to Perhotin's, on the way I tore it off my neck and took out the money.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the dark?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What should I want a light for? I did it with my fingers in one minute.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Without scissors, in the street?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the market-place I think it was. Why scissors? It was an old rag. It was torn in a minute.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where did you put it afterwards?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I dropped it there.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where was it, exactly?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the market-place, in the market-place! The devil knows whereabouts. What do you want to know for?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's extremely important, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. It would be material evidence in your favor. How is it you don't understand that? Who helped you to sew it up a month ago?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No one helped me. I did it myself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Can you sew?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A soldier has to know how to sew. No knowledge was needed to do that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where did you get the material, that is, the rag in which you sewed the money?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you laughing at me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not at all. And we are in no mood for laughing, Dmitri Fyodorovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know where I got the rag from&#8212;somewhere, I suppose.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should have thought you couldn't have forgotten it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Upon my word, I don't remember. I might have torn a bit off my linen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's very interesting. We might find in your lodgings to-morrow the shirt or whatever it is from which you tore the rag. What sort of rag was it, cloth or linen?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Goodness only knows what it was. Wait a bit.... I believe I didn't tear it off anything. It was a bit of calico.... I believe I sewed it up in a cap of my landlady's.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In your landlady's cap?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. I took it from her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How did you get it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see, I remember once taking a cap for a rag, perhaps to wipe my pen on. I took it without asking, because it was a worthless rag. I tore it up, and I took the notes and sewed them up in it. I believe it was in that very rag I sewed them. An old piece of calico, washed a thousand times.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you remember that for certain now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know whether for certain. I think it was in the cap. But, hang it, what does it matter?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In that case your landlady will remember that the thing was lost?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, she won't, she didn't miss it. It was an old rag, I tell you, an old rag not worth a farthing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And where did you get the needle and thread?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll stop now. I won't say any more. Enough of it!&#8221; said Mitya, losing his temper at last.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's strange that you should have so completely forgotten where you threw the pieces in the market-place.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give orders for the market-place to be swept to-morrow, and perhaps you'll find it,&#8221; said Mitya, sneering. &#8220;Enough, gentlemen, enough!&#8221; he decided, in an exhausted voice. &#8220;I see you don't believe me! Not for a moment! It's my fault, not yours. I ought not to have been so ready. Why, why did I degrade myself by confessing my secret to you? It's a joke to you. I see that from your eyes. You led me on to it, prosecutor? Sing a hymn of triumph if you can.... Damn you, you torturers!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He bent his head, and hid his face in his hands. The lawyers were silent. A minute later he raised his head and looked at them almost vacantly. His face now expressed complete, hopeless despair, and he sat mute and passive as though hardly conscious of what was happening. In the meantime they had to finish what they were about. They had immediately to begin examining the witnesses. It was by now eight o'clock in the morning. The lights had been extinguished long ago. Mihail Makarovitch and Kalganov, who had been continually in and out of the room all the while the interrogation had been going on, had now both gone out again. The lawyers, too, looked very tired. It was a wretched morning, the whole sky was overcast, and the rain streamed down in bucketfuls. Mitya gazed blankly out of the window.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;May I look out of the window?&#8221; he asked Nikolay Parfenovitch, suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, as much as you like,&#8221; the latter replied.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya got up and went to the window.... The rain lashed against its little greenish panes. He could see the muddy road just below the house, and farther away, in the rain and mist, a row of poor, black, dismal huts, looking even blacker and poorer in the rain. Mitya thought of &#8220;Ph&#339;bus the golden-haired,&#8221; and how he had meant to shoot himself at his first ray. &#8220;Perhaps it would be even better on a morning like this,&#8221; he thought with a smile, and suddenly, flinging his hand downwards, he turned to his &#8220;torturers.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen,&#8221; he cried, &#8220;I see that I am lost! But she? Tell me about her, I beseech you. Surely she need not be ruined with me? She's innocent, you know, she was out of her mind when she cried last night &#8216;It's all my fault!' She's done nothing, nothing! I've been grieving over her all night as I sat with you.... Can't you, won't you tell me what you are going to do with her now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You can set your mind quite at rest on that score, Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; the prosecutor answered at once, with evident alacrity. &#8220;We have, so far, no grounds for interfering with the lady in whom you are so interested. I trust that it may be the same in the later development of the case.... On the contrary, we'll do everything that lies in our power in that matter. Set your mind completely at rest.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen, I thank you. I knew that you were honest, straight-forward people in spite of everything. You've taken a load off my heart.... Well, what are we to do now? I'm ready.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, we ought to make haste. We must pass to examining the witnesses without delay. That must be done in your presence and therefore&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Shouldn't we have some tea first?&#8221; interposed Nikolay Parfenovitch, &#8220;I think we've deserved it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They decided that if tea were ready downstairs (Mihail Makarovitch had, no doubt, gone down to get some) they would have a glass and then &#8220;go on and on,&#8221; putting off their proper breakfast until a more favorable opportunity. Tea really was ready below, and was soon brought up. Mitya at first refused the glass that Nikolay Parfenovitch politely offered him, but afterwards he asked for it himself and drank it greedily. He looked surprisingly exhausted. It might have been supposed from his Herculean strength that one night of carousing, even accompanied by the most violent emotions, could have had little effect on him. But he felt that he could hardly hold his head up, and from time to time all the objects about him seemed heaving and dancing before his eyes. &#8220;A little more and I shall begin raving,&#8221; he said to himself.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII. THE EVIDENCE OF THE WITNESSES. THE BABE&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The examination of the witnesses began. But we will not continue our story in such detail as before. And so we will not dwell on how Nikolay Parfenovitch impressed on every witness called that he must give his evidence in accordance with truth and conscience, and that he would afterwards have to repeat his evidence on oath, how every witness was called upon to sign the protocol of his evidence, and so on. We will only note that the point principally insisted upon in the examination was the question of the three thousand roubles, that is, was the sum spent here, at Mokroe, by Mitya on the first occasion, a month before, three thousand or fifteen hundred? And again had he spent three thousand or fifteen hundred yesterday? Alas, all the evidence given by every one turned out to be against Mitya. There was not one in his favor, and some witnesses introduced new, almost crushing facts, in contradiction of his, Mitya's, story.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The first witness examined was Trifon Borissovitch. He was not in the least abashed as he stood before the lawyers. He had, on the contrary, an air of stern and severe indignation with the accused, which gave him an appearance of truthfulness and personal dignity. He spoke little, and with reserve, waited to be questioned, answered precisely and deliberately. Firmly and unhesitatingly he bore witness that the sum spent a month before could not have been less than three thousand, that all the peasants about here would testify that they had heard the sum of three thousand mentioned by Dmitri Fyodorovitch himself. &#8220;What a lot of money he flung away on the gypsy girls alone! He wasted a thousand, I daresay, on them alone.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't believe I gave them five hundred,&#8221; was Mitya's gloomy comment on this. &#8220;It's a pity I didn't count the money at the time, but I was drunk....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya was sitting sideways with his back to the curtains. He listened gloomily, with a melancholy and exhausted air, as though he would say:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, say what you like. It makes no difference now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;More than a thousand went on them, Dmitri Fyodorovitch,&#8221; retorted Trifon Borissovitch firmly. &#8220;You flung it about at random and they picked it up. They were a rascally, thievish lot, horse-stealers, they've been driven away from here, or maybe they'd bear witness themselves how much they got from you. I saw the sum in your hands, myself&#8212;count it I didn't, you didn't let me, that's true enough&#8212;but by the look of it I should say it was far more than fifteen hundred ... fifteen hundred, indeed! We've seen money too. We can judge of amounts....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As for the sum spent yesterday he asserted that Dmitri Fyodorovitch had told him, as soon as he arrived, that he had brought three thousand with him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come now, is that so, Trifon Borissovitch?&#8221; replied Mitya. &#8220;Surely I didn't declare so positively that I'd brought three thousand?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You did say so, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. You said it before Andrey. Andrey himself is still here. Send for him. And in the hall, when you were treating the chorus, you shouted straight out that you would leave your sixth thousand here&#8212;that is with what you spent before, we must understand. Stepan and Semyon heard it, and Pyotr Fomitch Kalganov, too, was standing beside you at the time. Maybe he'd remember it....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The evidence as to the &#8220;sixth&#8221; thousand made an extraordinary impression on the two lawyers. They were delighted with this new mode of reckoning; three and three made six, three thousand then and three now made six, that was clear.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They questioned all the peasants suggested by Trifon Borissovitch, Stepan and Semyon, the driver Andrey, and Kalganov. The peasants and the driver unhesitatingly confirmed Trifon Borissovitch's evidence. They noted down, with particular care, Andrey's account of the conversation he had had with Mitya on the road: &#8220; &#8216;Where,' says he, &#8216;am I, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, going, to heaven or to hell, and shall I be forgiven in the next world or not?' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The psychological Ippolit Kirillovitch heard this with a subtle smile, and ended by recommending that these remarks as to where Dmitri Fyodorovitch would go should be &#8220;included in the case.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kalganov, when called, came in reluctantly, frowning and ill-humored, and he spoke to the lawyers as though he had never met them before in his life, though they were acquaintances whom he had been meeting every day for a long time past. He began by saying that &#8220;he knew nothing about it and didn't want to.&#8221; But it appeared that he had heard of the &#8220;sixth&#8221; thousand, and he admitted that he had been standing close by at the moment. As far as he could see he &#8220;didn't know&#8221; how much money Mitya had in his hands. He affirmed that the Poles had cheated at cards. In reply to reiterated questions he stated that, after the Poles had been turned out, Mitya's position with Agrafena Alexandrovna had certainly improved, and that she had said that she loved him. He spoke of Agrafena Alexandrovna with reserve and respect, as though she had been a lady of the best society, and did not once allow himself to call her Grushenka. In spite of the young man's obvious repugnance at giving evidence, Ippolit Kirillovitch examined him at great length, and only from him learnt all the details of what made up Mitya's &#8220;romance,&#8221; so to say, on that night. Mitya did not once pull Kalganov up. At last they let the young man go, and he left the room with unconcealed indignation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Poles, too, were examined. Though they had gone to bed in their room, they had not slept all night, and on the arrival of the police officers they hastily dressed and got ready, realizing that they would certainly be sent for. They gave their evidence with dignity, though not without some uneasiness. The little Pole turned out to be a retired official of the twelfth class, who had served in Siberia as a veterinary surgeon. His name was Mussyalovitch. Pan Vrublevsky turned out to be an uncertificated dentist. Although Nikolay Parfenovitch asked them questions on entering the room they both addressed their answers to Mihail Makarovitch, who was standing on one side, taking him in their ignorance for the most important person and in command, and addressed him at every word as &#8220;Pan Colonel.&#8221; Only after several reproofs from Mihail Makarovitch himself, they grasped that they had to address their answers to Nikolay Parfenovitch only. It turned out that they could speak Russian quite correctly except for their accent in some words. Of his relations with Grushenka, past and present, Pan Mussyalovitch spoke proudly and warmly, so that Mitya was roused at once and declared that he would not allow the &#8220;scoundrel&#8221; to speak like that in his presence! Pan Mussyalovitch at once called attention to the word &#8220;scoundrel&#8221; and begged that it should be put down in the protocol. Mitya fumed with rage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's a scoundrel! A scoundrel! You can put that down. And put down, too, that, in spite of the protocol I still declare that he's a scoundrel!&#8221; he cried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though Nikolay Parfenovitch did insert this in the protocol, he showed the most praiseworthy tact and management. After sternly reprimanding Mitya, he cut short all further inquiry into the romantic aspect of the case, and hastened to pass to what was essential. One piece of evidence given by the Poles roused special interest in the lawyers: that was how, in that very room, Mitya had tried to buy off Pan Mussyalovitch, and had offered him three thousand roubles to resign his claims, seven hundred roubles down, and the remaining two thousand three hundred &#8220;to be paid next day in the town.&#8221; He had sworn at the time that he had not the whole sum with him at Mokroe, but that his money was in the town. Mitya observed hotly that he had not said that he would be sure to pay him the remainder next day in the town. But Pan Vrublevsky confirmed the statement, and Mitya, after thinking for a moment admitted, frowning, that it must have been as the Poles stated, that he had been excited at the time, and might indeed have said so.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor positively pounced on this piece of evidence. It seemed to establish for the prosecution (and they did, in fact, base this deduction on it) that half, or a part of, the three thousand that had come into Mitya's hands might really have been left somewhere hidden in the town, or even, perhaps, somewhere here, in Mokroe. This would explain the circumstance, so baffling for the prosecution, that only eight hundred roubles were to be found in Mitya's hands. This circumstance had been the one piece of evidence which, insignificant as it was, had hitherto told, to some extent, in Mitya's favor. Now this one piece of evidence in his favor had broken down. In answer to the prosecutor's inquiry, where he would have got the remaining two thousand three hundred roubles, since he himself had denied having more than fifteen hundred, Mitya confidently replied that he had meant to offer the &#8220;little chap,&#8221; not money, but a formal deed of conveyance of his rights to the village of Tchermashnya, those rights which he had already offered to Samsonov and Madame Hohlakov. The prosecutor positively smiled at the &#8220;innocence of this subterfuge.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you imagine he would have accepted such a deed as a substitute for two thousand three hundred roubles in cash?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He certainly would have accepted it,&#8221; Mitya declared warmly. &#8220;Why, look here, he might have grabbed not two thousand, but four or six, for it. He would have put his lawyers, Poles and Jews, on to the job, and might have got, not three thousand, but the whole property out of the old man.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The evidence of Pan Mussyalovitch was, of course, entered in the protocol in the fullest detail. Then they let the Poles go. The incident of the cheating at cards was hardly touched upon. Nikolay Parfenovitch was too well pleased with them, as it was, and did not want to worry them with trifles, moreover, it was nothing but a foolish, drunken quarrel over cards. There had been drinking and disorder enough, that night.... So the two hundred roubles remained in the pockets of the Poles.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then old Maximov was summoned. He came in timidly, approached with little steps, looking very disheveled and depressed. He had, all this time, taken refuge below with Grushenka, sitting dumbly beside her, and &#8220;now and then he'd begin blubbering over her and wiping his eyes with a blue check handkerchief,&#8221; as Mihail Makarovitch described afterwards. So that she herself began trying to pacify and comfort him. The old man at once confessed that he had done wrong, that he had borrowed &#8220;ten roubles in my poverty,&#8221; from Dmitri Fyodorovitch, and that he was ready to pay it back. To Nikolay Parfenovitch's direct question, had he noticed how much money Dmitri Fyodorovitch held in his hand, as he must have been able to see the sum better than anyone when he took the note from him, Maximov, in the most positive manner, declared that there was twenty thousand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you ever seen so much as twenty thousand before, then?&#8221; inquired Nikolay Parfenovitch, with a smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be sure I have, not twenty, but seven, when my wife mortgaged my little property. She'd only let me look at it from a distance, boasting of it to me. It was a very thick bundle, all rainbow-colored notes. And Dmitri Fyodorovitch's were all rainbow-colored....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was not kept long. At last it was Grushenka's turn. Nikolay Parfenovitch was obviously apprehensive of the effect her appearance might have on Mitya, and he muttered a few words of admonition to him, but Mitya bowed his head in silence, giving him to understand &#8220;that he would not make a scene.&#8221; Mihail Makarovitch himself led Grushenka in. She entered with a stern and gloomy face, that looked almost composed and sat down quietly on the chair offered her by Nikolay Parfenovitch. She was very pale, she seemed to be cold, and wrapped herself closely in her magnificent black shawl. She was suffering from a slight feverish chill&#8212;the first symptom of the long illness which followed that night. Her grave air, her direct earnest look and quiet manner made a very favorable impression on every one. Nikolay Parfenovitch was even a little bit &#8220;fascinated.&#8221; He admitted himself, when talking about it afterwards, that only then had he seen &#8220;how handsome the woman was,&#8221; for, though he had seen her several times before, he had always looked upon her as something of a &#8220;provincial hetaira.&#8221; &#8220;She has the manners of the best society,&#8221; he said enthusiastically, gossiping about her in a circle of ladies. But this was received with positive indignation by the ladies, who immediately called him a &#8220;naughty man,&#8221; to his great satisfaction.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As she entered the room, Grushenka only glanced for an instant at Mitya, who looked at her uneasily. But her face reassured him at once. After the first inevitable inquiries and warnings, Nikolay Parfenovitch asked her, hesitating a little, but preserving the most courteous manner, on what terms she was with the retired lieutenant, Dmitri Fyodorovitch Karamazov. To this Grushenka firmly and quietly replied:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He was an acquaintance. He came to see me as an acquaintance during the last month.&#8221; To further inquisitive questions she answered plainly and with complete frankness, that, though &#8220;at times&#8221; she had thought him attractive, she had not loved him, but had won his heart as well as his old father's &#8220;in my nasty spite,&#8221; that she had seen that Mitya was very jealous of Fyodor Pavlovitch and every one else; but that had only amused her. She had never meant to go to Fyodor Pavlovitch, she had simply been laughing at him. &#8220;I had no thoughts for either of them all this last month. I was expecting another man who had wronged me. But I think,&#8221; she said in conclusion, &#8220;that there's no need for you to inquire about that, nor for me to answer you, for that's my own affair.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nikolay Parfenovitch immediately acted upon this hint. He again dismissed the &#8220;romantic&#8221; aspect of the case and passed to the serious one, that is, to the question of most importance, concerning the three thousand roubles. Grushenka confirmed the statement that three thousand roubles had certainly been spent on the first carousal at Mokroe, and, though she had not counted the money herself, she had heard that it was three thousand from Dmitri Fyodorovitch's own lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did he tell you that alone, or before some one else, or did you only hear him speak of it to others in your presence?&#8221; the prosecutor inquired immediately.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To which Grushenka replied that she had heard him say so before other people, and had heard him say so when they were alone.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did he say it to you alone once, or several times?&#8221; inquired the prosecutor, and learned that he had told Grushenka so several times.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ippolit Kirillovitch was very well satisfied with this piece of evidence. Further examination elicited that Grushenka knew, too, where that money had come from, and that Dmitri Fyodorovitch had got it from Katerina Ivanovna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And did you never, once, hear that the money spent a month ago was not three thousand, but less, and that Dmitri Fyodorovitch had saved half that sum for his own use?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I never heard that,&#8221; answered Grushenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was explained further that Mitya had, on the contrary, often told her that he hadn't a farthing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He was always expecting to get some from his father,&#8221; said Grushenka in conclusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did he never say before you ... casually, or in a moment of irritation,&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch put in suddenly, &#8220;that he intended to make an attempt on his father's life?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ach, he did say so,&#8221; sighed Grushenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Once or several times?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He mentioned it several times, always in anger.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And did you believe he would do it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I never believed it,&#8221; she answered firmly. &#8220;I had faith in his noble heart.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen, allow me,&#8221; cried Mitya suddenly, &#8220;allow me to say one word to Agrafena Alexandrovna, in your presence.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You can speak,&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch assented.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Agrafena Alexandrovna!&#8221; Mitya got up from his chair, &#8220;have faith in God and in me. I am not guilty of my father's murder!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Having uttered these words Mitya sat down again on his chair. Grushenka stood up and crossed herself devoutly before the ikon. &#8220;Thanks be to Thee, O Lord,&#8221; she said, in a voice thrilled with emotion, and still standing, she turned to Nikolay Parfenovitch and added:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As he has spoken now, believe it! I know him. He'll say anything as a joke or from obstinacy, but he'll never deceive you against his conscience. He's telling the whole truth, you may believe it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thanks, Agrafena Alexandrovna, you've given me fresh courage,&#8221; Mitya responded in a quivering voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As to the money spent the previous day, she declared that she did not know what sum it was, but had heard him tell several people that he had three thousand with him. And to the question where he got the money, she said that he had told her that he had &#8220;stolen&#8221; it from Katerina Ivanovna, and that she had replied to that that he hadn't stolen it, and that he must pay the money back next day. On the prosecutor's asking her emphatically whether the money he said he had stolen from Katerina Ivanovna was what he had spent yesterday, or what he had squandered here a month ago, she declared that he meant the money spent a month ago, and that that was how she understood him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grushenka was at last released, and Nikolay Parfenovitch informed her impulsively that she might at once return to the town and that if he could be of any assistance to her, with horses for example, or if she would care for an escort, he ... would be&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I thank you sincerely,&#8221; said Grushenka, bowing to him, &#8220;I'm going with this old gentleman, I am driving him back to town with me, and meanwhile, if you'll allow me, I'll wait below to hear what you decide about Dmitri Fyodorovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She went out. Mitya was calm, and even looked more cheerful, but only for a moment. He felt more and more oppressed by a strange physical weakness. His eyes were closing with fatigue. The examination of the witnesses was, at last, over. They proceeded to a final revision of the protocol. Mitya got up, moved from his chair to the corner by the curtain, lay down on a large chest covered with a rug, and instantly fell asleep.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had a strange dream, utterly out of keeping with the place and the time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was driving somewhere in the steppes, where he had been stationed long ago, and a peasant was driving him in a cart with a pair of horses, through snow and sleet. He was cold, it was early in November, and the snow was falling in big wet flakes, melting as soon as it touched the earth. And the peasant drove him smartly, he had a fair, long beard. He was not an old man, somewhere about fifty, and he had on a gray peasant's smock. Not far off was a village, he could see the black huts, and half the huts were burnt down, there were only the charred beams sticking up. And as they drove in, there were peasant women drawn up along the road, a lot of women, a whole row, all thin and wan, with their faces a sort of brownish color, especially one at the edge, a tall, bony woman, who looked forty, but might have been only twenty, with a long thin face. And in her arms was a little baby crying. And her breasts seemed so dried up that there was not a drop of milk in them. And the child cried and cried, and held out its little bare arms, with its little fists blue from cold.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are they crying? Why are they crying?&#8221; Mitya asked, as they dashed gayly by.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's the babe,&#8221; answered the driver, &#8220;the babe weeping.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Mitya was struck by his saying, in his peasant way, &#8220;the babe,&#8221; and he liked the peasant's calling it a &#8220;babe.&#8221; There seemed more pity in it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why is it weeping?&#8221; Mitya persisted stupidly, &#8220;why are its little arms bare? Why don't they wrap it up?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The babe's cold, its little clothes are frozen and don't warm it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why is it? Why?&#8221; foolish Mitya still persisted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, they're poor people, burnt out. They've no bread. They're begging because they've been burnt out.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no,&#8221; Mitya, as it were, still did not understand. &#8220;Tell me why it is those poor mothers stand there? Why are people poor? Why is the babe poor? Why is the steppe barren? Why don't they hug each other and kiss? Why don't they sing songs of joy? Why are they so dark from black misery? Why don't they feed the babe?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he felt that, though his questions were unreasonable and senseless, yet he wanted to ask just that, and he had to ask it just in that way. And he felt that a passion of pity, such as he had never known before, was rising in his heart, that he wanted to cry, that he wanted to do something for them all, so that the babe should weep no more, so that the dark-faced, dried-up mother should not weep, that no one should shed tears again from that moment, and he wanted to do it at once, at once, regardless of all obstacles, with all the recklessness of the Karamazovs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I'm coming with you. I won't leave you now for the rest of my life, I'm coming with you,&#8221; he heard close beside him Grushenka's tender voice, thrilling with emotion. And his heart glowed, and he struggled forward towards the light, and he longed to live, to live, to go on and on, towards the new, beckoning light, and to hasten, hasten, now, at once!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What! Where?&#8221; he exclaimed opening his eyes, and sitting up on the chest, as though he had revived from a swoon, smiling brightly. Nikolay Parfenovitch was standing over him, suggesting that he should hear the protocol read aloud and sign it. Mitya guessed that he had been asleep an hour or more, but he did not hear Nikolay Parfenovitch. He was suddenly struck by the fact that there was a pillow under his head, which hadn't been there when he had leant back, exhausted, on the chest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who put that pillow under my head? Who was so kind?&#8221; he cried, with a sort of ecstatic gratitude, and tears in his voice, as though some great kindness had been shown him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He never found out who this kind man was; perhaps one of the peasant witnesses, or Nikolay Parfenovitch's little secretary, had compassionately thought to put a pillow under his head; but his whole soul was quivering with tears. He went to the table and said that he would sign whatever they liked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've had a good dream, gentlemen,&#8221; he said in a strange voice, with a new light, as of joy, in his face.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IX. THEY CARRY MITYA AWAY&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When the protocol had been signed, Nikolay Parfenovitch turned solemnly to the prisoner and read him the &#8220;Committal,&#8221; setting forth, that in such a year, on such a day, in such a place, the investigating lawyer of such-and-such a district court, having examined so-and-so (to wit, Mitya) accused of this and of that (all the charges were carefully written out) and having considered that the accused, not pleading guilty to the charges made against him, had brought forward nothing in his defense, while the witnesses, so-and-so, and so-and-so, and the circumstances such-and-such testify against him, acting in accordance with such-and-such articles of the Statute Book, and so on, has ruled, that, in order to preclude so-and-so (Mitya) from all means of evading pursuit and judgment he be detained in such-and-such a prison, which he hereby notifies to the accused and communicates a copy of this same &#8220;Committal&#8221; to the deputy prosecutor, and so on, and so on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In brief, Mitya was informed that he was, from that moment, a prisoner, and that he would be driven at once to the town, and there shut up in a very unpleasant place. Mitya listened attentively, and only shrugged his shoulders.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, gentlemen, I don't blame you. I'm ready.... I understand that there's nothing else for you to do.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nikolay Parfenovitch informed him gently that he would be escorted at once by the rural police officer, Mavriky Mavrikyevitch, who happened to be on the spot....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay,&#8221; Mitya interrupted, suddenly, and impelled by uncontrollable feeling he pronounced, addressing all in the room:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen, we're all cruel, we're all monsters, we all make men weep, and mothers, and babes at the breast, but of all, let it be settled here, now, of all I am the lowest reptile! I've sworn to amend, and every day I've done the same filthy things. I understand now that such men as I need a blow, a blow of destiny to catch them as with a noose, and bind them by a force from without. Never, never should I have risen of myself! But the thunderbolt has fallen. I accept the torture of accusation, and my public shame, I want to suffer and by suffering I shall be purified. Perhaps I shall be purified, gentlemen? But listen, for the last time, I am not guilty of my father's blood. I accept my punishment, not because I killed him, but because I meant to kill him, and perhaps I really might have killed him. Still I mean to fight it out with you. I warn you of that. I'll fight it out with you to the end, and then God will decide. Good-by, gentlemen, don't be vexed with me for having shouted at you during the examination. Oh, I was still such a fool then.... In another minute I shall be a prisoner, but now, for the last time, as a free man, Dmitri Karamazov offers you his hand. Saying good-by to you, I say it to all men.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His voice quivered and he stretched out his hand, but Nikolay Parfenovitch, who happened to stand nearest to him, with a sudden, almost nervous movement, hid his hands behind his back. Mitya instantly noticed this, and started. He let his outstretched hand fall at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The preliminary inquiry is not yet over,&#8221; Nikolay Parfenovitch faltered, somewhat embarrassed. &#8220;We will continue it in the town, and I, for my part, of course, am ready to wish you all success ... in your defense.... As a matter of fact, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, I've always been disposed to regard you as, so to speak, more unfortunate than guilty. All of us here, if I may make bold to speak for all, we are all ready to recognize that you are, at bottom, a young man of honor, but, alas, one who has been carried away by certain passions to a somewhat excessive degree....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nikolay Parfenovitch's little figure was positively majestic by the time he had finished speaking. It struck Mitya that in another minute this &#8220;boy&#8221; would take his arm, lead him to another corner, and renew their conversation about &#8220;girls.&#8221; But many quite irrelevant and inappropriate thoughts sometimes occur even to a prisoner when he is being led out to execution.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen, you are good, you are humane, may I see &lt;i&gt;her&lt;/i&gt; to say &#8216;good-by' for the last time?&#8221; asked Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly, but considering ... in fact, now it's impossible except in the presence of&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well, if it must be so, it must!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grushenka was brought in, but the farewell was brief, and of few words, and did not at all satisfy Nikolay Parfenovitch. Grushenka made a deep bow to Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have told you I am yours, and I will be yours. I will follow you for ever, wherever they may send you. Farewell; you are guiltless, though you've been your own undoing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her lips quivered, tears flowed from her eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive me, Grusha, for my love, for ruining you, too, with my love.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya would have said something more, but he broke off and went out. He was at once surrounded by men who kept a constant watch on him. At the bottom of the steps to which he had driven up with such a dash the day before with Andrey's three horses, two carts stood in readiness. Mavriky Mavrikyevitch, a sturdy, thick-set man with a wrinkled face, was annoyed about something, some sudden irregularity. He was shouting angrily. He asked Mitya to get into the cart with somewhat excessive surliness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When I stood him drinks in the tavern, the man had quite a different face,&#8221; thought Mitya, as he got in. At the gates there was a crowd of people, peasants, women and drivers. Trifon Borissovitch came down the steps too. All stared at Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive me at parting, good people!&#8221; Mitya shouted suddenly from the cart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive us too!&#8221; he heard two or three voices.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by to you, too, Trifon Borissovitch!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Trifon Borissovitch did not even turn round. He was, perhaps, too busy. He, too, was shouting and fussing about something. It appeared that everything was not yet ready in the second cart, in which two constables were to accompany Mavriky Mavrikyevitch. The peasant who had been ordered to drive the second cart was pulling on his smock, stoutly maintaining that it was not his turn to go, but Akim's. But Akim was not to be seen. They ran to look for him. The peasant persisted and besought them to wait.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see what our peasants are, Mavriky Mavrikyevitch. They've no shame!&#8221; exclaimed Trifon Borissovitch. &#8220;Akim gave you twenty-five copecks the day before yesterday. You've drunk it all and now you cry out. I'm simply surprised at your good-nature, with our low peasants, Mavriky Mavrikyevitch, that's all I can say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what do we want a second cart for?&#8221; Mitya put in. &#8220;Let's start with the one, Mavriky Mavrikyevitch. I won't be unruly, I won't run away from you, old fellow. What do we want an escort for?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll trouble you, sir, to learn how to speak to me if you've never been taught. I'm not &#8216;old fellow' to you, and you can keep your advice for another time!&#8221; Mavriky Mavrikyevitch snapped out savagely, as though glad to vent his wrath.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya was reduced to silence. He flushed all over. A moment later he felt suddenly very cold. The rain had ceased, but the dull sky was still overcast with clouds, and a keen wind was blowing straight in his face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've taken a chill,&#8221; thought Mitya, twitching his shoulders.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last Mavriky Mavrikyevitch, too, got into the cart, sat down heavily, and, as though without noticing it, squeezed Mitya into the corner. It is true that he was out of humor and greatly disliked the task that had been laid upon him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by, Trifon Borissovitch!&#8221; Mitya shouted again, and felt himself, that he had not called out this time from good-nature, but involuntarily, from resentment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Trifon Borissovitch stood proudly, with both hands behind his back, and staring straight at Mitya with a stern and angry face, he made no reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, good-by!&#8221; he heard all at once the voice of Kalganov, who had suddenly darted out. Running up to the cart he held out his hand to Mitya. He had no cap on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya had time to seize and press his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by, dear fellow! I shan't forget your generosity,&#8221; he cried warmly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the cart moved and their hands parted. The bell began ringing and Mitya was driven off.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kalganov ran back, sat down in a corner, bent his head, hid his face in his hands, and burst out crying. For a long while he sat like that, crying as though he were a little boy instead of a young man of twenty. Oh, he believed almost without doubt in Mitya's guilt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are these people? What can men be after this?&#8221; he exclaimed incoherently, in bitter despondency, almost despair. At that moment he had no desire to live.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is it worth it? Is it worth it?&#8221; exclaimed the boy in his grief.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTIV&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART IV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;BOOKX&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;BOOK X. THE BOYS &lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I. KOLYA KRASSOTKIN&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It was the beginning of November. There had been a hard frost, eleven degrees R&#233;aumur, without snow, but a little dry snow had fallen on the frozen ground during the night, and a keen dry wind was lifting and blowing it along the dreary streets of our town, especially about the market-place. It was a dull morning, but the snow had ceased.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Not far from the market-place, close to Plotnikov's shop, there stood a small house, very clean both without and within. It belonged to Madame Krassotkin, the widow of a former provincial secretary, who had been dead for fourteen years. His widow, still a nice-looking woman of thirty-two, was living in her neat little house on her private means. She lived in respectable seclusion; she was of a soft but fairly cheerful disposition. She was about eighteen at the time of her husband's death; she had been married only a year and had just borne him a son. From the day of his death she had devoted herself heart and soul to the bringing up of her precious treasure, her boy Kolya. Though she had loved him passionately those fourteen years, he had caused her far more suffering than happiness. She had been trembling and fainting with terror almost every day, afraid he would fall ill, would catch cold, do something naughty, climb on a chair and fall off it, and so on and so on. When Kolya began going to school, the mother devoted herself to studying all the sciences with him so as to help him, and go through his lessons with him. She hastened to make the acquaintance of the teachers and their wives, even made up to Kolya's schoolfellows, and fawned upon them in the hope of thus saving Kolya from being teased, laughed at, or beaten by them. She went so far that the boys actually began to mock at him on her account and taunt him with being a &#8220;mother's darling.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the boy could take his own part. He was a resolute boy, &#8220;tremendously strong,&#8221; as was rumored in his class, and soon proved to be the fact; he was agile, strong-willed, and of an audacious and enterprising temper. He was good at lessons, and there was a rumor in the school that he could beat the teacher, Dardanelov, at arithmetic and universal history. Though he looked down upon every one, he was a good comrade and not supercilious. He accepted his schoolfellows' respect as his due, but was friendly with them. Above all, he knew where to draw the line. He could restrain himself on occasion, and in his relations with the teachers he never overstepped that last mystic limit beyond which a prank becomes an unpardonable breach of discipline. But he was as fond of mischief on every possible occasion as the smallest boy in the school, and not so much for the sake of mischief as for creating a sensation, inventing something, something effective and conspicuous. He was extremely vain. He knew how to make even his mother give way to him; he was almost despotic in his control of her. She gave way to him, oh, she had given way to him for years. The one thought unendurable to her was that her boy had no great love for her. She was always fancying that Kolya was &#8220;unfeeling&#8221; to her, and at times, dissolving into hysterical tears, she used to reproach him with his coldness. The boy disliked this, and the more demonstrations of feeling were demanded of him the more he seemed intentionally to avoid them. Yet it was not intentional on his part but instinctive&#8212;it was his character. His mother was mistaken; he was very fond of her. He only disliked &#8220;sheepish sentimentality,&#8221; as he expressed it in his schoolboy language.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a bookcase in the house containing a few books that had been his father's. Kolya was fond of reading, and had read several of them by himself. His mother did not mind that and only wondered sometimes at seeing the boy stand for hours by the bookcase poring over a book instead of going to play. And in that way Kolya read some things unsuitable for his age.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though the boy, as a rule, knew where to draw the line in his mischief, he had of late begun to play pranks that caused his mother serious alarm. It is true there was nothing vicious in what he did, but a wild mad recklessness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It happened that July, during the summer holidays, that the mother and son went to another district, forty-five miles away, to spend a week with a distant relation, whose husband was an official at the railway station (the very station, the nearest one to our town, from which a month later Ivan Fyodorovitch Karamazov set off for Moscow). There Kolya began by carefully investigating every detail connected with the railways, knowing that he could impress his schoolfellows when he got home with his newly acquired knowledge. But there happened to be some other boys in the place with whom he soon made friends. Some of them were living at the station, others in the neighborhood; there were six or seven of them, all between twelve and fifteen, and two of them came from our town. The boys played together, and on the fourth or fifth day of Kolya's stay at the station, a mad bet was made by the foolish boys. Kolya, who was almost the youngest of the party and rather looked down upon by the others in consequence, was moved by vanity or by reckless bravado to bet them two roubles that he would lie down between the rails at night when the eleven o'clock train was due, and would lie there without moving while the train rolled over him at full speed. It is true they made a preliminary investigation, from which it appeared that it was possible to lie so flat between the rails that the train could pass over without touching, but to lie there was no joke! Kolya maintained stoutly that he would. At first they laughed at him, called him a little liar, a braggart, but that only egged him on. What piqued him most was that these boys of fifteen turned up their noses at him too superciliously, and were at first disposed to treat him as &#8220;a small boy,&#8221; not fit to associate with them, and that was an unendurable insult.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And so it was resolved to go in the evening, half a mile from the station, so that the train might have time to get up full speed after leaving the station. The boys assembled. It was a pitch-dark night without a moon. At the time fixed, Kolya lay down between the rails. The five others who had taken the bet waited among the bushes below the embankment, their hearts beating with suspense, which was followed by alarm and remorse. At last they heard in the distance the rumble of the train leaving the station. Two red lights gleamed out of the darkness; the monster roared as it approached.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Run, run away from the rails,&#8221; the boys cried to Kolya from the bushes, breathless with terror. But it was too late: the train darted up and flew past. The boys rushed to Kolya. He lay without moving. They began pulling at him, lifting him up. He suddenly got up and walked away without a word. Then he explained that he had lain there as though he were insensible to frighten them, but the fact was that he really had lost consciousness, as he confessed long after to his mother. In this way his reputation as &#8220;a desperate character,&#8221; was established for ever. He returned home to the station as white as a sheet. Next day he had a slight attack of nervous fever, but he was in high spirits and well pleased with himself. The incident did not become known at once, but when they came back to the town it penetrated to the school and even reached the ears of the masters. But then Kolya's mother hastened to entreat the masters on her boy's behalf, and in the end Dardanelov, a respected and influential teacher, exerted himself in his favor, and the affair was ignored.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dardanelov was a middle-aged bachelor, who had been passionately in love with Madame Krassotkin for many years past, and had once already, about a year previously, ventured, trembling with fear and the delicacy of his sentiments, to offer her most respectfully his hand in marriage. But she refused him resolutely, feeling that to accept him would be an act of treachery to her son, though Dardanelov had, to judge from certain mysterious symptoms, reason for believing that he was not an object of aversion to the charming but too chaste and tender-hearted widow. Kolya's mad prank seemed to have broken the ice, and Dardanelov was rewarded for his intercession by a suggestion of hope. The suggestion, it is true, was a faint one, but then Dardanelov was such a paragon of purity and delicacy that it was enough for the time being to make him perfectly happy. He was fond of the boy, though he would have felt it beneath him to try and win him over, and was severe and strict with him in class. Kolya, too, kept him at a respectful distance. He learned his lessons perfectly; he was second in his class, was reserved with Dardanelov, and the whole class firmly believed that Kolya was so good at universal history that he could &#8220;beat&#8221; even Dardanelov. Kolya did indeed ask him the question, &#8220;Who founded Troy?&#8221; to which Dardanelov had made a very vague reply, referring to the movements and migrations of races, to the remoteness of the period, to the mythical legends. But the question, &#8220;Who had founded Troy?&#8221; that is, what individuals, he could not answer, and even for some reason regarded the question as idle and frivolous. But the boys remained convinced that Dardanelov did not know who founded Troy. Kolya had read of the founders of Troy in Smaragdov, whose history was among the books in his father's bookcase. In the end all the boys became interested in the question, who it was that had founded Troy, but Krassotkin would not tell his secret, and his reputation for knowledge remained unshaken.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After the incident on the railway a certain change came over Kolya's attitude to his mother. When Anna Fyodorovna (Madame Krassotkin) heard of her son's exploit, she almost went out of her mind with horror. She had such terrible attacks of hysterics, lasting with intervals for several days, that Kolya, seriously alarmed at last, promised on his honor that such pranks should never be repeated. He swore on his knees before the holy image, and swore by the memory of his father, at Madame Krassotkin's instance, and the &#8220;manly&#8221; Kolya burst into tears like a boy of six. And all that day the mother and son were constantly rushing into each other's arms sobbing. Next day Kolya woke up as &#8220;unfeeling&#8221; as before, but he had become more silent, more modest, sterner, and more thoughtful.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Six weeks later, it is true, he got into another scrape, which even brought his name to the ears of our Justice of the Peace, but it was a scrape of quite another kind, amusing, foolish, and he did not, as it turned out, take the leading part in it, but was only implicated in it. But of this later. His mother still fretted and trembled, but the more uneasy she became, the greater were the hopes of Dardanelov. It must be noted that Kolya understood and divined what was in Dardanelov's heart and, of course, despised him profoundly for his &#8220;feelings&#8221;; he had in the past been so tactless as to show this contempt before his mother, hinting vaguely that he knew what Dardanelov was after. But from the time of the railway incident his behavior in this respect also was changed; he did not allow himself the remotest allusion to the subject and began to speak more respectfully of Dardanelov before his mother, which the sensitive woman at once appreciated with boundless gratitude. But at the slightest mention of Dardanelov by a visitor in Kolya's presence, she would flush as pink as a rose. At such moments Kolya would either stare out of the window scowling, or would investigate the state of his boots, or would shout angrily for &#8220;Perezvon,&#8221; the big, shaggy, mangy dog, which he had picked up a month before, brought home, and kept for some reason secretly indoors, not showing him to any of his schoolfellows. He bullied him frightfully, teaching him all sorts of tricks, so that the poor dog howled for him whenever he was absent at school, and when he came in, whined with delight, rushed about as if he were crazy, begged, lay down on the ground pretending to be dead, and so on; in fact, showed all the tricks he had taught him, not at the word of command, but simply from the zeal of his excited and grateful heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I have forgotten, by the way, to mention that Kolya Krassotkin was the boy stabbed with a penknife by the boy already known to the reader as the son of Captain Snegiryov. Ilusha had been defending his father when the schoolboys jeered at him, shouting the nickname &#8220;wisp of tow.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II. CHILDREN&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And so on that frosty, snowy, and windy day in November, Kolya Krassotkin was sitting at home. It was Sunday and there was no school. It had just struck eleven, and he particularly wanted to go out &#8220;on very urgent business,&#8221; but he was left alone in charge of the house, for it so happened that all its elder inmates were absent owing to a sudden and singular event. Madame Krassotkin had let two little rooms, separated from the rest of the house by a passage, to a doctor's wife with her two small children. This lady was the same age as Anna Fyodorovna, and a great friend of hers. Her husband, the doctor, had taken his departure twelve months before, going first to Orenburg and then to Tashkend, and for the last six months she had not heard a word from him. Had it not been for her friendship with Madame Krassotkin, which was some consolation to the forsaken lady, she would certainly have completely dissolved away in tears. And now, to add to her misfortunes, Katerina, her only servant, was suddenly moved the evening before to announce, to her mistress's amazement, that she proposed to bring a child into the world before morning. It seemed almost miraculous to every one that no one had noticed the probability of it before. The astounded doctor's wife decided to move Katerina while there was still time to an establishment in the town kept by a midwife for such emergencies. As she set great store by her servant, she promptly carried out this plan and remained there looking after her. By the morning all Madame Krassotkin's friendly sympathy and energy were called upon to render assistance and appeal to some one for help in the case.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So both the ladies were absent from home, the Krassotkins' servant, Agafya, had gone out to the market, and Kolya was thus left for a time to protect and look after &#8220;the kids,&#8221; that is, the son and daughter of the doctor's wife, who were left alone. Kolya was not afraid of taking care of the house, besides he had Perezvon, who had been told to lie flat, without moving, under the bench in the hall. Every time Kolya, walking to and fro through the rooms, came into the hall, the dog shook his head and gave two loud and insinuating taps on the floor with his tail, but alas! the whistle did not sound to release him. Kolya looked sternly at the luckless dog, who relapsed again into obedient rigidity. The one thing that troubled Kolya was &#8220;the kids.&#8221; He looked, of course, with the utmost scorn on Katerina's unexpected adventure, but he was very fond of the bereaved &#8220;kiddies,&#8221; and had already taken them a picture-book. Nastya, the elder, a girl of eight, could read, and Kostya, the boy, aged seven, was very fond of being read to by her. Krassotkin could, of course, have provided more diverting entertainment for them. He could have made them stand side by side and played soldiers with them, or sent them hiding all over the house. He had done so more than once before and was not above doing it, so much so that a report once spread at school that Krassotkin played horses with the little lodgers at home, prancing with his head on one side like a trace-horse. But Krassotkin haughtily parried this thrust, pointing out that to play horses with boys of one's own age, boys of thirteen, would certainly be disgraceful &#8220;at this date,&#8221; but that he did it for the sake of &#8220;the kids&#8221; because he liked them, and no one had a right to call him to account for his feelings. The two &#8220;kids&#8221; adored him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But on this occasion he was in no mood for games. He had very important business of his own before him, something almost mysterious. Meanwhile time was passing and Agafya, with whom he could have left the children, would not come back from market. He had several times already crossed the passage, opened the door of the lodgers' room and looked anxiously at &#8220;the kids&#8221; who were sitting over the book, as he had bidden them. Every time he opened the door they grinned at him, hoping he would come in and would do something delightful and amusing. But Kolya was bothered and did not go in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last it struck eleven and he made up his mind, once for all, that if that &#8220;damned&#8221; Agafya did not come back within ten minutes he should go out without waiting for her, making &#8220;the kids&#8221; promise, of course, to be brave when he was away, not to be naughty, not to cry from fright. With this idea he put on his wadded winter overcoat with its catskin fur collar, slung his satchel round his shoulder, and, regardless of his mother's constantly reiterated entreaties that he would always put on goloshes in such cold weather, he looked at them contemptuously as he crossed the hall and went out with only his boots on. Perezvon, seeing him in his outdoor clothes, began tapping nervously, yet vigorously, on the floor with his tail. Twitching all over, he even uttered a plaintive whine. But Kolya, seeing his dog's passionate excitement, decided that it was a breach of discipline, kept him for another minute under the bench, and only when he had opened the door into the passage, whistled for him. The dog leapt up like a mad creature and rushed bounding before him rapturously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kolya opened the door to peep at &#8220;the kids.&#8221; They were both sitting as before at the table, not reading but warmly disputing about something. The children often argued together about various exciting problems of life, and Nastya, being the elder, always got the best of it. If Kostya did not agree with her, he almost always appealed to Kolya Krassotkin, and his verdict was regarded as infallible by both of them. This time the &#8220;kids'&#8221; discussion rather interested Krassotkin, and he stood still in the passage to listen. The children saw he was listening and that made them dispute with even greater energy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall never, never believe,&#8221; Nastya prattled, &#8220;that the old women find babies among the cabbages in the kitchen-garden. It's winter now and there are no cabbages, and so the old woman couldn't have taken Katerina a daughter.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kolya whistled to himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Or perhaps they do bring babies from somewhere, but only to those who are married.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kostya stared at Nastya and listened, pondering profoundly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nastya, how silly you are!&#8221; he said at last, firmly and calmly. &#8220;How can Katerina have a baby when she isn't married?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nastya was exasperated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know nothing about it,&#8221; she snapped irritably. &#8220;Perhaps she has a husband, only he is in prison, so now she's got a baby.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But is her husband in prison?&#8221; the matter-of-fact Kostya inquired gravely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Or, I tell you what,&#8221; Nastya interrupted impulsively, completely rejecting and forgetting her first hypothesis. &#8220;She hasn't a husband, you are right there, but she wants to be married, and so she's been thinking of getting married, and thinking and thinking of it till now she's got it, that is, not a husband but a baby.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, perhaps so,&#8221; Kostya agreed, entirely vanquished. &#8220;But you didn't say so before. So how could I tell?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, kiddies,&#8221; said Kolya, stepping into the room. &#8220;You're terrible people, I see.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And Perezvon with you!&#8221; grinned Kostya, and began snapping his fingers and calling Perezvon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am in a difficulty, kids,&#8221; Krassotkin began solemnly, &#8220;and you must help me. Agafya must have broken her leg, since she has not turned up till now, that's certain. I must go out. Will you let me go?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The children looked anxiously at one another. Their smiling faces showed signs of uneasiness, but they did not yet fully grasp what was expected of them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You won't be naughty while I am gone? You won't climb on the cupboard and break your legs? You won't be frightened alone and cry?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A look of profound despondency came into the children's faces.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I could show you something as a reward, a little copper cannon which can be fired with real gunpowder.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The children's faces instantly brightened. &#8220;Show us the cannon,&#8221; said Kostya, beaming all over.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Krassotkin put his hand in his satchel, and pulling out a little bronze cannon stood it on the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, you are bound to ask that! Look, it's on wheels.&#8221; He rolled the toy on along the table. &#8220;And it can be fired off, too. It can be loaded with shot and fired off.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And it could kill any one?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It can kill any one; you've only got to aim at anybody,&#8221; and Krassotkin explained where the powder had to be put, where the shot should be rolled in, showing a tiny hole like a touch-hole, and told them that it kicked when it was fired.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The children listened with intense interest. What particularly struck their imagination was that the cannon kicked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And have you got any powder?&#8221; Nastya inquired.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Show us the powder, too,&#8221; she drawled with a smile of entreaty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Krassotkin dived again into his satchel and pulled out a small flask containing a little real gunpowder. He had some shot, too, in a screw of paper. He even uncorked the flask and shook a little powder into the palm of his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One has to be careful there's no fire about, or it would blow up and kill us all,&#8221; Krassotkin warned them sensationally.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The children gazed at the powder with an awe-stricken alarm that only intensified their enjoyment. But Kostya liked the shot better.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And does the shot burn?&#8221; he inquired.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it doesn't.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give me a little shot,&#8221; he asked in an imploring voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll give you a little shot; here, take it, but don't show it to your mother till I come back, or she'll be sure to think it's gunpowder, and will die of fright and give you a thrashing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mother never does whip us,&#8221; Nastya observed at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know, I only said it to finish the sentence. And don't you ever deceive your mother except just this once, until I come back. And so, kiddies, can I go out? You won't be frightened and cry when I'm gone?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We sha&#8212;all cry,&#8221; drawled Kostya, on the verge of tears already.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We shall cry, we shall be sure to cry,&#8221; Nastya chimed in with timid haste.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, children, children, how fraught with peril are your years! There's no help for it, chickens, I shall have to stay with you I don't know how long. And time is passing, time is passing, oogh!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell Perezvon to pretend to be dead!&#8221; Kostya begged.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's no help for it, we must have recourse to Perezvon. &lt;i&gt;Ici&lt;/i&gt;, Perezvon.&#8221; And Kolya began giving orders to the dog, who performed all his tricks.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was a rough-haired dog, of medium size, with a coat of a sort of lilac-gray color. He was blind in his right eye, and his left ear was torn. He whined and jumped, stood and walked on his hind legs, lay on his back with his paws in the air, rigid as though he were dead. While this last performance was going on, the door opened and Agafya, Madame Krassotkin's servant, a stout woman of forty, marked with small-pox, appeared in the doorway. She had come back from market and had a bag full of provisions in her hand. Holding up the bag of provisions in her left hand she stood still to watch the dog. Though Kolya had been so anxious for her return, he did not cut short the performance, and after keeping Perezvon dead for the usual time, at last he whistled to him. The dog jumped up and began bounding about in his joy at having done his duty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Only think, a dog!&#8221; Agafya observed sententiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are you late, female?&#8221; asked Krassotkin sternly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Female, indeed! Go on with you, you brat.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brat?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, a brat. What is it to you if I'm late; if I'm late, you may be sure I have good reason,&#8221; muttered Agafya, busying herself about the stove, without a trace of anger or displeasure in her voice. She seemed quite pleased, in fact, to enjoy a skirmish with her merry young master.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, you frivolous young woman,&#8221; Krassotkin began, getting up from the sofa, &#8220;can you swear by all you hold sacred in the world and something else besides, that you will watch vigilantly over the kids in my absence? I am going out.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what am I going to swear for?&#8221; laughed Agafya. &#8220;I shall look after them without that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you must swear on your eternal salvation. Else I shan't go.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, don't then. What does it matter to me? It's cold out; stay at home.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kids,&#8221; Kolya turned to the children, &#8220;this woman will stay with you till I come back or till your mother comes, for she ought to have been back long ago. She will give you some lunch, too. You'll give them something, Agafya, won't you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That I can do.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by, chickens, I go with my heart at rest. And you, granny,&#8221; he added gravely, in an undertone, as he passed Agafya, &#8220;I hope you'll spare their tender years and not tell them any of your old woman's nonsense about Katerina. &lt;i&gt;Ici&lt;/i&gt;, Perezvon!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Get along with you!&#8221; retorted Agafya, really angry this time. &#8220;Ridiculous boy! You want a whipping for saying such things, that's what you want!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III. THE SCHOOLBOY&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But Kolya did not hear her. At last he could go out. As he went out at the gate he looked round him, shrugged up his shoulders, and saying &#8220;It is freezing,&#8221; went straight along the street and turned off to the right towards the market-place. When he reached the last house but one before the market-place he stopped at the gate, pulled a whistle out of his pocket, and whistled with all his might as though giving a signal. He had not to wait more than a minute before a rosy-cheeked boy of about eleven, wearing a warm, neat and even stylish coat, darted out to meet him. This was Smurov, a boy in the preparatory class (two classes below Kolya Krassotkin), son of a well-to-do official. Apparently he was forbidden by his parents to associate with Krassotkin, who was well known to be a desperately naughty boy, so Smurov was obviously slipping out on the sly. He was&#8212;if the reader has not forgotten&#8212;one of the group of boys who two months before had thrown stones at Ilusha. He was the one who told Alyosha Karamazov about Ilusha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've been waiting for you for the last hour, Krassotkin,&#8221; said Smurov stolidly, and the boys strode towards the market-place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am late,&#8221; answered Krassotkin. &#8220;I was detained by circumstances. You won't be thrashed for coming with me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, I say, I'm never thrashed! And you've got Perezvon with you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're taking him, too?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! if it were only Zhutchka!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's impossible. Zhutchka's non-existent. Zhutchka is lost in the mists of obscurity.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! couldn't we do this?&#8221; Smurov suddenly stood still. &#8220;You see Ilusha says that Zhutchka was a shaggy, grayish, smoky-looking dog like Perezvon. Couldn't you tell him this is Zhutchka, and he might believe you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Boy, shun a lie, that's one thing; even with a good object&#8212;that's another. Above all, I hope you've not told them anything about my coming.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Heaven forbid! I know what I am about. But you won't comfort him with Perezvon,&#8221; said Smurov, with a sigh. &#8220;You know his father, the captain, &#8216;the wisp of tow,' told us that he was going to bring him a real mastiff pup, with a black nose, to-day. He thinks that would comfort Ilusha; but I doubt it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And how is Ilusha?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, he is bad, very bad! I believe he's in consumption: he is quite conscious, but his breathing! His breathing's gone wrong. The other day he asked to have his boots on to be led round the room. He tried to walk, but he couldn't stand. &#8216;Ah, I told you before, father,' he said, &#8216;that those boots were no good. I could never walk properly in them.' He fancied it was his boots that made him stagger, but it was simply weakness, really. He won't live another week. Herzenstube is looking after him. Now they are rich again&#8212;they've got heaps of money.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They are rogues.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who are rogues?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Doctors and the whole crew of quacks collectively, and also, of course, individually. I don't believe in medicine. It's a useless institution. I mean to go into all that. But what's that sentimentality you've got up there? The whole class seems to be there every day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not the whole class: it's only ten of our fellows who go to see him every day. There's nothing in that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What I don't understand in all this is the part that Alexey Karamazov is taking in it. His brother's going to be tried to-morrow or next day for such a crime, and yet he has so much time to spend on sentimentality with boys.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's no sentimentality about it. You are going yourself now to make it up with Ilusha.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Make it up with him? What an absurd expression! But I allow no one to analyze my actions.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And how pleased Ilusha will be to see you! He has no idea that you are coming. Why was it, why was it you wouldn't come all this time?&#8221; Smurov cried with sudden warmth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear boy, that's my business, not yours. I am going of myself because I choose to, but you've all been hauled there by Alexey Karamazov&#8212;there's a difference, you know. And how do you know? I may not be going to make it up at all. It's a stupid expression.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not Karamazov at all; it's not his doing. Our fellows began going there of themselves. Of course, they went with Karamazov at first. And there's been nothing of that sort&#8212;no silliness. First one went, and then another. His father was awfully pleased to see us. You know he will simply go out of his mind if Ilusha dies. He sees that Ilusha's dying. And he seems so glad we've made it up with Ilusha. Ilusha asked after you, that was all. He just asks and says no more. His father will go out of his mind or hang himself. He behaved like a madman before. You know he is a very decent man. We made a mistake then. It's all the fault of that murderer who beat him then.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Karamazov's a riddle to me all the same. I might have made his acquaintance long ago, but I like to have a proper pride in some cases. Besides, I have a theory about him which I must work out and verify.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kolya subsided into dignified silence. Smurov, too, was silent. Smurov, of course, worshiped Krassotkin and never dreamed of putting himself on a level with him. Now he was tremendously interested at Kolya's saying that he was &#8220;going of himself&#8221; to see Ilusha. He felt that there must be some mystery in Kolya's suddenly taking it into his head to go to him that day. They crossed the market-place, in which at that hour were many loaded wagons from the country and a great number of live fowls. The market women were selling rolls, cottons and threads, etc., in their booths. These Sunday markets were na&#239;vely called &#8220;fairs&#8221; in the town, and there were many such fairs in the year.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Perezvon ran about in the wildest spirits, sniffing about first one side, then the other. When he met other dogs they zealously smelt each other over according to the rules of canine etiquette.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I like to watch such realistic scenes, Smurov,&#8221; said Kolya suddenly. &#8220;Have you noticed how dogs sniff at one another when they meet? It seems to be a law of their nature.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; it's a funny habit.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it's not funny; you are wrong there. There's nothing funny in nature, however funny it may seem to man with his prejudices. If dogs could reason and criticize us they'd be sure to find just as much that would be funny to them, if not far more, in the social relations of men, their masters&#8212;far more, indeed. I repeat that, because I am convinced that there is far more foolishness among us. That's Rakitin's idea&#8212;a remarkable idea. I am a Socialist, Smurov.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what is a Socialist?&#8221; asked Smurov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's when all are equal and all have property in common, there are no marriages, and every one has any religion and laws he likes best, and all the rest of it. You are not old enough to understand that yet. It's cold, though.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, twelve degrees of frost. Father looked at the thermometer just now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you noticed, Smurov, that in the middle of winter we don't feel so cold even when there are fifteen or eighteen degrees of frost as we do now, in the beginning of winter, when there is a sudden frost of twelve degrees, especially when there is not much snow. It's because people are not used to it. Everything is habit with men, everything even in their social and political relations. Habit is the great motive-power. What a funny-looking peasant!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kolya pointed to a tall peasant, with a good-natured countenance in a long sheepskin coat, who was standing by his wagon, clapping together his hands, in their shapeless leather gloves, to warm them. His long fair beard was all white with frost.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That peasant's beard's frozen,&#8221; Kolya cried in a loud provocative voice as he passed him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lots of people's beards are frozen,&#8221; the peasant replied, calmly and sententiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't provoke him,&#8221; observed Smurov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's all right; he won't be cross; he's a nice fellow. Good-by, Matvey.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is your name Matvey?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. Didn't you know?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I didn't. It was a guess.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't say so! You are a schoolboy, I suppose?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You get whipped, I expect?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing to speak of&#8212;sometimes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Does it hurt?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, yes, it does.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ech, what a life!&#8221; The peasant heaved a sigh from the bottom of his heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by, Matvey.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by. You are a nice chap, that you are.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The boys went on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That was a nice peasant,&#8221; Kolya observed to Smurov. &#8220;I like talking to the peasants, and am always glad to do them justice.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why did you tell a lie, pretending we are thrashed?&#8221; asked Smurov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I had to say that to please him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you mean?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know, Smurov, I don't like being asked the same thing twice. I like people to understand at the first word. Some things can't be explained. According to a peasant's notions, schoolboys are whipped, and must be whipped. What would a schoolboy be if he were not whipped? And if I were to tell him we are not, he'd be disappointed. But you don't understand that. One has to know how to talk to the peasants.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Only don't tease them, please, or you'll get into another scrape as you did about that goose.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you're afraid?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't laugh, Kolya. Of course I'm afraid. My father would be awfully cross. I am strictly forbidden to go out with you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't be uneasy, nothing will happen this time. Hallo, Natasha!&#8221; he shouted to a market woman in one of the booths.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Call me Natasha! What next! My name is Marya,&#8221; the middle-aged market woman shouted at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am so glad it's Marya. Good-by!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, you young rascal! A brat like you to carry on so!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm in a hurry. I can't stay now. You shall tell me next Sunday.&#8221; Kolya waved his hand at her, as though she had attacked him and not he her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've nothing to tell you next Sunday. You set upon me, you impudent young monkey. I didn't say anything,&#8221; bawled Marya. &#8220;You want a whipping, that's what you want, you saucy jackanapes!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a roar of laughter among the other market women round her. Suddenly a man in a violent rage darted out from the arcade of shops close by. He was a young man, not a native of the town, with dark, curly hair and a long, pale face, marked with smallpox. He wore a long blue coat and a peaked cap, and looked like a merchant's clerk. He was in a state of stupid excitement and brandished his fist at Kolya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know you!&#8221; he cried angrily, &#8220;I know you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kolya stared at him. He could not recall when he could have had a row with the man. But he had been in so many rows in the street that he could hardly remember them all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you?&#8221; he asked sarcastically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know you! I know you!&#8221; the man repeated idiotically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So much the better for you. Well, it's time I was going. Good-by!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are at your saucy pranks again?&#8221; cried the man. &#8220;You are at your saucy pranks again? I know, you are at it again!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not your business, brother, if I am at my saucy pranks again,&#8221; said Kolya, standing still and scanning him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not my business?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; it's not your business.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Whose then? Whose then? Whose then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's Trifon Nikititch's business, not yours.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What Trifon Nikititch?&#8221; asked the youth, staring with loutish amazement at Kolya, but still as angry as ever.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kolya scanned him gravely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you been to the Church of the Ascension?&#8221; he suddenly asked him, with stern emphasis.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What Church of Ascension? What for? No, I haven't,&#8221; said the young man, somewhat taken aback.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know Sabaneyev?&#8221; Kolya went on even more emphatically and even more severely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What Sabaneyev? No, I don't know him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well then you can go to the devil,&#8221; said Kolya, cutting short the conversation; and turning sharply to the right he strode quickly on his way as though he disdained further conversation with a dolt who did not even know Sabaneyev.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stop, heigh! What Sabaneyev?&#8221; the young man recovered from his momentary stupefaction and was as excited as before. &#8220;What did he say?&#8221; He turned to the market women with a silly stare.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The women laughed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You can never tell what he's after,&#8221; said one of them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What Sabaneyev is it he's talking about?&#8221; the young man repeated, still furious and brandishing his right arm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It must be a Sabaneyev who worked for the Kuzmitchovs, that's who it must be,&#8221; one of the women suggested.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The young man stared at her wildly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For the Kuzmitchovs?&#8221; repeated another woman. &#8220;But his name wasn't Trifon. His name's Kuzma, not Trifon; but the boy said Trifon Nikititch, so it can't be the same.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;His name is not Trifon and not Sabaneyev, it's Tchizhov,&#8221; put in suddenly a third woman, who had hitherto been silent, listening gravely. &#8220;Alexey Ivanitch is his name. Tchizhov, Alexey Ivanitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not a doubt about it, it's Tchizhov,&#8221; a fourth woman emphatically confirmed the statement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The bewildered youth gazed from one to another.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what did he ask for, what did he ask for, good people?&#8221; he cried almost in desperation. &#8220; &#8216;Do you know Sabaneyev?' says he. And who the devil's to know who is Sabaneyev?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're a senseless fellow. I tell you it's not Sabaneyev, but Tchizhov, Alexey Ivanitch Tchizhov, that's who it is!&#8221; one of the women shouted at him impressively.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What Tchizhov? Who is he? Tell me, if you know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That tall, sniveling fellow who used to sit in the market in the summer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what's your Tchizhov to do with me, good people, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How can I tell what he's to do with you?&#8221; put in another. &#8220;You ought to know yourself what you want with him, if you make such a clamor about him. He spoke to you, he did not speak to us, you stupid. Don't you really know him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Know whom?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tchizhov.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The devil take Tchizhov and you with him. I'll give him a hiding, that I will. He was laughing at me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Will give Tchizhov a hiding! More likely he will give you one. You are a fool, that's what you are!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not Tchizhov, not Tchizhov, you spiteful, mischievous woman. I'll give the boy a hiding. Catch him, catch him, he was laughing at me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The woman guffawed. But Kolya was by now a long way off, marching along with a triumphant air. Smurov walked beside him, looking round at the shouting group far behind. He too was in high spirits, though he was still afraid of getting into some scrape in Kolya's company.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What Sabaneyev did you mean?&#8221; he asked Kolya, foreseeing what his answer would be.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do I know? Now there'll be a hubbub among them all day. I like to stir up fools in every class of society. There's another blockhead, that peasant there. You know, they say &#8216;there's no one stupider than a stupid Frenchman,' but a stupid Russian shows it in his face just as much. Can't you see it all over his face that he is a fool, that peasant, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let him alone, Kolya. Let's go on.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing could stop me, now I am once off. Hey, good morning, peasant!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A sturdy-looking peasant, with a round, simple face and grizzled beard, who was walking by, raised his head and looked at the boy. He seemed not quite sober.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good morning, if you are not laughing at me,&#8221; he said deliberately in reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And if I am?&#8221; laughed Kolya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, a joke's a joke. Laugh away. I don't mind. There's no harm in a joke.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I beg your pardon, brother, it was a joke.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, God forgive you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you forgive me, too?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I quite forgive you. Go along.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I say, you seem a clever peasant.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Cleverer than you,&#8221; the peasant answered unexpectedly, with the same gravity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I doubt it,&#8221; said Kolya, somewhat taken aback.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's true, though.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps it is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is, brother.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by, peasant!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There are all sorts of peasants,&#8221; Kolya observed to Smurov after a brief silence. &#8220;How could I tell I had hit on a clever one? I am always ready to recognize intelligence in the peasantry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the distance the cathedral clock struck half-past eleven. The boys made haste and they walked as far as Captain Snegiryov's lodging, a considerable distance, quickly and almost in silence. Twenty paces from the house Kolya stopped and told Smurov to go on ahead and ask Karamazov to come out to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One must sniff round a bit first,&#8221; he observed to Smurov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why ask him to come out?&#8221; Smurov protested. &#8220;You go in; they will be awfully glad to see you. What's the sense of making friends in the frost out here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know why I want to see him out here in the frost,&#8221; Kolya cut him short in the despotic tone he was fond of adopting with &#8220;small boys,&#8221; and Smurov ran to do his bidding.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV. THE LOST DOG&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Kolya leaned against the fence with an air of dignity, waiting for Alyosha to appear. Yes, he had long wanted to meet him. He had heard a great deal about him from the boys, but hitherto he had always maintained an appearance of disdainful indifference when he was mentioned, and he had even &#8220;criticized&#8221; what he heard about Alyosha. But secretly he had a great longing to make his acquaintance; there was something sympathetic and attractive in all he was told about Alyosha. So the present moment was important: to begin with, he had to show himself at his best, to show his independence, &#8220;Or he'll think of me as thirteen and take me for a boy, like the rest of them. And what are these boys to him? I shall ask him when I get to know him. It's a pity I am so short, though. Tuzikov is younger than I am, yet he is half a head taller. But I have a clever face. I am not good-looking. I know I'm hideous, but I've a clever face. I mustn't talk too freely; if I fall into his arms all at once, he may think&#8212;Tfoo! how horrible if he should think&#8212;!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Such were the thoughts that excited Kolya while he was doing his utmost to assume the most independent air. What distressed him most was his being so short; he did not mind so much his &#8220;hideous&#8221; face, as being so short. On the wall in a corner at home he had the year before made a pencil-mark to show his height, and every two months since he anxiously measured himself against it to see how much he had gained. But alas! he grew very slowly, and this sometimes reduced him almost to despair. His face was in reality by no means &#8220;hideous&#8221;; on the contrary, it was rather attractive, with a fair, pale skin, freckled. His small, lively gray eyes had a fearless look, and often glowed with feeling. He had rather high cheekbones; small, very red, but not very thick, lips; his nose was small and unmistakably turned up. &#8220;I've a regular pug nose, a regular pug nose,&#8221; Kolya used to mutter to himself when he looked in the looking-glass, and he always left it with indignation. &#8220;But perhaps I haven't got a clever face?&#8221; he sometimes thought, doubtful even of that. But it must not be supposed that his mind was preoccupied with his face and his height. On the contrary, however bitter the moments before the looking-glass were to him, he quickly forgot them, and forgot them for a long time, &#8220;abandoning himself entirely to ideas and to real life,&#8221; as he formulated it to himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha came out quickly and hastened up to Kolya. Before he reached him, Kolya could see that he looked delighted. &#8220;Can he be so glad to see me?&#8221; Kolya wondered, feeling pleased. We may note here, in passing, that Alyosha's appearance had undergone a complete change since we saw him last. He had abandoned his cassock and was wearing now a well-cut coat, a soft, round hat, and his hair had been cropped short. All this was very becoming to him, and he looked quite handsome. His charming face always had a good-humored expression; but there was a gentleness and serenity in his good-humor. To Kolya's surprise, Alyosha came out to him just as he was, without an overcoat. He had evidently come in haste. He held out his hand to Kolya at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here you are at last! How anxious we've been to see you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There were reasons which you shall know directly. Anyway, I am glad to make your acquaintance. I've long been hoping for an opportunity, and have heard a great deal about you,&#8221; Kolya muttered, a little breathless.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We should have met anyway. I've heard a great deal about you, too; but you've been a long time coming here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me, how are things going?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ilusha is very ill. He is certainly dying.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How awful! You must admit that medicine is a fraud, Karamazov,&#8221; cried Kolya warmly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ilusha has mentioned you often, very often, even in his sleep, in delirium, you know. One can see that you used to be very, very dear to him ... before the incident ... with the knife.... Then there's another reason.... Tell me, is that your dog?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Perezvon.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not Zhutchka?&#8221; Alyosha looked at Kolya with eyes full of pity. &#8220;Is she lost for ever?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know you would all like it to be Zhutchka. I've heard all about it.&#8221; Kolya smiled mysteriously. &#8220;Listen, Karamazov, I'll tell you all about it. That's what I came for; that's what I asked you to come out here for, to explain the whole episode to you before we go in,&#8221; he began with animation. &#8220;You see, Karamazov, Ilusha came into the preparatory class last spring. Well, you know what our preparatory class is&#8212;a lot of small boys. They began teasing Ilusha at once. I am two classes higher up, and, of course, I only look on at them from a distance. I saw the boy was weak and small, but he wouldn't give in to them; he fought with them. I saw he was proud, and his eyes were full of fire. I like children like that. And they teased him all the more. The worst of it was he was horribly dressed at the time, his breeches were too small for him, and there were holes in his boots. They worried him about it; they jeered at him. That I can't stand. I stood up for him at once, and gave it to them hot. I beat them, but they adore me, do you know, Karamazov?&#8221; Kolya boasted impulsively; &#8220;but I am always fond of children. I've two chickens in my hands at home now&#8212;that's what detained me to-day. So they left off beating Ilusha and I took him under my protection. I saw the boy was proud. I tell you that, the boy was proud; but in the end he became slavishly devoted to me: he did my slightest bidding, obeyed me as though I were God, tried to copy me. In the intervals between the classes he used to run to me at once, and I'd go about with him. On Sundays, too. They always laugh when an older boy makes friends with a younger one like that; but that's a prejudice. If it's my fancy, that's enough. I am teaching him, developing him. Why shouldn't I develop him if I like him? Here you, Karamazov, have taken up with all these nestlings. I see you want to influence the younger generation&#8212;to develop them, to be of use to them, and I assure you this trait in your character, which I knew by hearsay, attracted me more than anything. Let us get to the point, though. I noticed that there was a sort of softness and sentimentality coming over the boy, and you know I have a positive hatred of this sheepish sentimentality, and I have had it from a baby. There were contradictions in him, too: he was proud, but he was slavishly devoted to me, and yet all at once his eyes would flash and he'd refuse to agree with me; he'd argue, fly into a rage. I used sometimes to propound certain ideas; I could see that it was not so much that he disagreed with the ideas, but that he was simply rebelling against me, because I was cool in responding to his endearments. And so, in order to train him properly, the tenderer he was, the colder I became. I did it on purpose: that was my idea. My object was to form his character, to lick him into shape, to make a man of him ... and besides ... no doubt, you understand me at a word. Suddenly I noticed for three days in succession he was downcast and dejected, not because of my coldness, but for something else, something more important. I wondered what the tragedy was. I have pumped him and found out that he had somehow got to know Smerdyakov, who was footman to your late father&#8212;it was before his death, of course&#8212;and he taught the little fool a silly trick&#8212;that is, a brutal, nasty trick. He told him to take a piece of bread, to stick a pin in it, and throw it to one of those hungry dogs who snap up anything without biting it, and then to watch and see what would happen. So they prepared a piece of bread like that and threw it to Zhutchka, that shaggy dog there's been such a fuss about. The people of the house it belonged to never fed it at all, though it barked all day. (Do you like that stupid barking, Karamazov? I can't stand it.) So it rushed at the bread, swallowed it, and began to squeal; it turned round and round and ran away, squealing as it ran out of sight. That was Ilusha's own account of it. He confessed it to me, and cried bitterly. He hugged me, shaking all over. He kept on repeating &#8216;He ran away squealing': the sight of that haunted him. He was tormented by remorse, I could see that. I took it seriously. I determined to give him a lesson for other things as well. So I must confess I wasn't quite straightforward, and pretended to be more indignant perhaps than I was. &#8216;You've done a nasty thing,' I said, &#8216;you are a scoundrel. I won't tell of it, of course, but I shall have nothing more to do with you for a time. I'll think it over and let you know through Smurov'&#8212;that's the boy who's just come with me; he's always ready to do anything for me&#8212;&#8216;whether I will have anything to do with you in the future or whether I give you up for good as a scoundrel.' He was tremendously upset. I must own I felt I'd gone too far as I spoke, but there was no help for it. I did what I thought best at the time. A day or two after, I sent Smurov to tell him that I would not speak to him again. That's what we call it when two schoolfellows refuse to have anything more to do with one another. Secretly I only meant to send him to Coventry for a few days and then, if I saw signs of repentance, to hold out my hand to him again. That was my intention. But what do you think happened? He heard Smurov's message, his eyes flashed. &#8216;Tell Krassotkin from me,' he cried, &#8216;that I will throw bread with pins to all the dogs&#8212;all&#8212;all of them!' &#8216;So he's going in for a little temper. We must smoke it out of him.' And I began to treat him with contempt; whenever I met him I turned away or smiled sarcastically. And just then that affair with his father happened. You remember? You must realize that he was fearfully worked up by what had happened already. The boys, seeing I'd given him up, set on him and taunted him, shouting, &#8216;Wisp of tow, wisp of tow!' And he had soon regular skirmishes with them, which I am very sorry for. They seem to have given him one very bad beating. One day he flew at them all as they were coming out of school. I stood a few yards off, looking on. And, I swear, I don't remember that I laughed; it was quite the other way, I felt awfully sorry for him, in another minute I would have run up to take his part. But he suddenly met my eyes. I don't know what he fancied; but he pulled out a penknife, rushed at me, and struck at my thigh, here in my right leg. I didn't move. I don't mind owning I am plucky sometimes, Karamazov. I simply looked at him contemptuously, as though to say, &#8216;This is how you repay all my kindness! Do it again, if you like, I'm at your service.' But he didn't stab me again; he broke down, he was frightened at what he had done, he threw away the knife, burst out crying, and ran away. I did not sneak on him, of course, and I made them all keep quiet, so it shouldn't come to the ears of the masters. I didn't even tell my mother till it had healed up. And the wound was a mere scratch. And then I heard that the same day he'd been throwing stones and had bitten your finger&#8212;but you understand now what a state he was in! Well, it can't be helped: it was stupid of me not to come and forgive him&#8212;that is, to make it up with him&#8212;when he was taken ill. I am sorry for it now. But I had a special reason. So now I've told you all about it ... but I'm afraid it was stupid of me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, what a pity,&#8221; exclaimed Alyosha, with feeling, &#8220;that I didn't know before what terms you were on with him, or I'd have come to you long ago to beg you to go to him with me. Would you believe it, when he was feverish he talked about you in delirium. I didn't know how much you were to him! And you've really not succeeded in finding that dog? His father and the boys have been hunting all over the town for it. Would you believe it, since he's been ill, I've three times heard him repeat with tears, &#8216;It's because I killed Zhutchka, father, that I am ill now. God is punishing me for it.' He can't get that idea out of his head. And if the dog were found and proved to be alive, one might almost fancy the joy would cure him. We have all rested our hopes on you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me, what made you hope that I should be the one to find him?&#8221; Kolya asked, with great curiosity. &#8220;Why did you reckon on me rather than anyone else?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There was a report that you were looking for the dog, and that you would bring it when you'd found it. Smurov said something of the sort. We've all been trying to persuade Ilusha that the dog is alive, that it's been seen. The boys brought him a live hare; he just looked at it, with a faint smile, and asked them to set it free in the fields. And so we did. His father has just this moment come back, bringing him a mastiff pup, hoping to comfort him with that; but I think it only makes it worse.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me, Karamazov, what sort of man is the father? I know him, but what do you make of him&#8212;a mountebank, a buffoon?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no; there are people of deep feeling who have been somehow crushed. Buffoonery in them is a form of resentful irony against those to whom they daren't speak the truth, from having been for years humiliated and intimidated by them. Believe me, Krassotkin, that sort of buffoonery is sometimes tragic in the extreme. His whole life now is centered in Ilusha, and if Ilusha dies, he will either go mad with grief or kill himself. I feel almost certain of that when I look at him now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I understand you, Karamazov. I see you understand human nature,&#8221; Kolya added, with feeling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And as soon as I saw you with a dog, I thought it was Zhutchka you were bringing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wait a bit, Karamazov, perhaps we shall find it yet; but this is Perezvon. I'll let him go in now and perhaps it will amuse Ilusha more than the mastiff pup. Wait a bit, Karamazov, you will know something in a minute. But, I say, I am keeping you here!&#8221; Kolya cried suddenly. &#8220;You've no overcoat on in this bitter cold. You see what an egoist I am. Oh, we are all egoists, Karamazov!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't trouble; it is cold, but I don't often catch cold. Let us go in, though, and, by the way, what is your name? I know you are called Kolya, but what else?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nikolay&#8212;Nikolay Ivanovitch Krassotkin, or, as they say in official documents, &#8216;Krassotkin son.' &#8221; Kolya laughed for some reason, but added suddenly, &#8220;Of course I hate my name Nikolay.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why so?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's so trivial, so ordinary.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are thirteen?&#8221; asked Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, fourteen&#8212;that is, I shall be fourteen very soon, in a fortnight. I'll confess one weakness of mine, Karamazov, just to you, since it's our first meeting, so that you may understand my character at once. I hate being asked my age, more than that ... and in fact ... there's a libelous story going about me, that last week I played robbers with the preparatory boys. It's a fact that I did play with them, but it's a perfect libel to say I did it for my own amusement. I have reasons for believing that you've heard the story; but I wasn't playing for my own amusement, it was for the sake of the children, because they couldn't think of anything to do by themselves. But they've always got some silly tale. This is an awful town for gossip, I can tell you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what if you had been playing for your own amusement, what's the harm?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, I say, for my own amusement! You don't play horses, do you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you must look at it like this,&#8221; said Alyosha, smiling. &#8220;Grown-up people go to the theater and there the adventures of all sorts of heroes are represented&#8212;sometimes there are robbers and battles, too&#8212;and isn't that just the same thing, in a different form, of course? And young people's games of soldiers or robbers in their playtime are also art in its first stage. You know, they spring from the growing artistic instincts of the young. And sometimes these games are much better than performances in the theater, the only difference is that people go there to look at the actors, while in these games the young people are the actors themselves. But that's only natural.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You think so? Is that your idea?&#8221; Kolya looked at him intently. &#8220;Oh, you know, that's rather an interesting view. When I go home, I'll think it over. I'll admit I thought I might learn something from you. I've come to learn of you, Karamazov,&#8221; Kolya concluded, in a voice full of spontaneous feeling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I of you,&#8221; said Alyosha, smiling and pressing his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kolya was much pleased with Alyosha. What struck him most was that he treated him exactly like an equal and that he talked to him just as if he were &#8220;quite grown up.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll show you something directly, Karamazov; it's a theatrical performance, too,&#8221; he said, laughing nervously. &#8220;That's why I've come.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let us go first to the people of the house, on the left. All the boys leave their coats in there, because the room is small and hot.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I'm only coming in for a minute. I'll keep on my overcoat. Perezvon will stay here in the passage and be dead. &lt;i&gt;Ici&lt;/i&gt;, Perezvon, lie down and be dead! You see how he's dead. I'll go in first and explore, then I'll whistle to him when I think fit, and you'll see, he'll dash in like mad. Only Smurov must not forget to open the door at the moment. I'll arrange it all and you'll see something.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V. BY ILUSHA'S BEDSIDE&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The room inhabited by the family of the retired captain Snegiryov is already familiar to the reader. It was close and crowded at that moment with a number of visitors. Several boys were sitting with Ilusha, and though all of them, like Smurov, were prepared to deny that it was Alyosha who had brought them and reconciled them with Ilusha, it was really the fact. All the art he had used had been to take them, one by one, to Ilusha, without &#8220;sheepish sentimentality,&#8221; appearing to do so casually and without design. It was a great consolation to Ilusha in his suffering. He was greatly touched by seeing the almost tender affection and sympathy shown him by these boys, who had been his enemies. Krassotkin was the only one missing and his absence was a heavy load on Ilusha's heart. Perhaps the bitterest of all his bitter memories was his stabbing Krassotkin, who had been his one friend and protector. Clever little Smurov, who was the first to make it up with Ilusha, thought it was so. But when Smurov hinted to Krassotkin that Alyosha wanted to come and see him about something, the latter cut him short, bidding Smurov tell &#8220;Karamazov&#8221; at once that he knew best what to do, that he wanted no one's advice, and that, if he went to see Ilusha, he would choose his own time for he had &#8220;his own reasons.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That was a fortnight before this Sunday. That was why Alyosha had not been to see him, as he had meant to. But though he waited, he sent Smurov to him twice again. Both times Krassotkin met him with a curt, impatient refusal, sending Alyosha a message not to bother him any more, that if he came himself, he, Krassotkin, would not go to Ilusha at all. Up to the very last day, Smurov did not know that Kolya meant to go to Ilusha that morning, and only the evening before, as he parted from Smurov, Kolya abruptly told him to wait at home for him next morning, for he would go with him to the Snegiryovs', but warned him on no account to say he was coming, as he wanted to drop in casually. Smurov obeyed. Smurov's fancy that Kolya would bring back the lost dog was based on the words Kolya had dropped that &#8220;they must be asses not to find the dog, if it was alive.&#8221; When Smurov, waiting for an opportunity, timidly hinted at his guess about the dog, Krassotkin flew into a violent rage. &#8220;I'm not such an ass as to go hunting about the town for other people's dogs when I've got a dog of my own! And how can you imagine a dog could be alive after swallowing a pin? Sheepish sentimentality, that's what it is!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For the last fortnight Ilusha had not left his little bed under the ikons in the corner. He had not been to school since the day he met Alyosha and bit his finger. He was taken ill the same day, though for a month afterwards he was sometimes able to get up and walk about the room and passage. But latterly he had become so weak that he could not move without help from his father. His father was terribly concerned about him. He even gave up drinking and was almost crazy with terror that his boy would die. And often, especially after leading him round the room on his arm and putting him back to bed, he would run to a dark corner in the passage and, leaning his head against the wall, he would break into paroxysms of violent weeping, stifling his sobs that they might not be heard by Ilusha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Returning to the room, he would usually begin doing something to amuse and comfort his precious boy; he would tell him stories, funny anecdotes, or would mimic comic people he had happened to meet, even imitate the howls and cries of animals. But Ilusha could not bear to see his father fooling and playing the buffoon. Though the boy tried not to show how he disliked it, he saw with an aching heart that his father was an object of contempt, and he was continually haunted by the memory of the &#8220;wisp of tow&#8221; and that &#8220;terrible day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nina, Ilusha's gentle, crippled sister, did not like her father's buffoonery either (Varvara had been gone for some time past to Petersburg to study at the university). But the half-imbecile mother was greatly diverted and laughed heartily when her husband began capering about or performing something. It was the only way she could be amused; all the rest of the time she was grumbling and complaining that now every one had forgotten her, that no one treated her with respect, that she was slighted, and so on. But during the last few days she had completely changed. She began looking constantly at Ilusha's bed in the corner and seemed lost in thought. She was more silent, quieter, and, if she cried, she cried quietly so as not to be heard. The captain noticed the change in her with mournful perplexity. The boys' visits at first only angered her, but later on their merry shouts and stories began to divert her, and at last she liked them so much that, if the boys had given up coming, she would have felt dreary without them. When the children told some story or played a game, she laughed and clapped her hands. She called some of them to her and kissed them. She was particularly fond of Smurov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As for the captain, the presence in his room of the children, who came to cheer up Ilusha, filled his heart from the first with ecstatic joy. He even hoped that Ilusha would now get over his depression, and that that would hasten his recovery. In spite of his alarm about Ilusha, he had not, till lately, felt one minute's doubt of his boy's ultimate recovery.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He met his little visitors with homage, waited upon them hand and foot; he was ready to be their horse and even began letting them ride on his back, but Ilusha did not like the game and it was given up. He began buying little things for them, gingerbread and nuts, gave them tea and cut them sandwiches. It must be noted that all this time he had plenty of money. He had taken the two hundred roubles from Katerina Ivanovna just as Alyosha had predicted he would. And afterwards Katerina Ivanovna, learning more about their circumstances and Ilusha's illness, visited them herself, made the acquaintance of the family, and succeeded in fascinating the half-imbecile mother. Since then she had been lavish in helping them, and the captain, terror-stricken at the thought that his boy might be dying, forgot his pride and humbly accepted her assistance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All this time Doctor Herzenstube, who was called in by Katerina Ivanovna, came punctually every other day, but little was gained by his visits and he dosed the invalid mercilessly. But on that Sunday morning a new doctor was expected, who had come from Moscow, where he had a great reputation. Katerina Ivanovna had sent for him from Moscow at great expense, not expressly for Ilusha, but for another object of which more will be said in its place hereafter. But, as he had come, she had asked him to see Ilusha as well, and the captain had been told to expect him. He hadn't the slightest idea that Kolya Krassotkin was coming, though he had long wished for a visit from the boy for whom Ilusha was fretting.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the moment when Krassotkin opened the door and came into the room, the captain and all the boys were round Ilusha's bed, looking at a tiny mastiff pup, which had only been born the day before, though the captain had bespoken it a week ago to comfort and amuse Ilusha, who was still fretting over the lost and probably dead Zhutchka. Ilusha, who had heard three days before that he was to be presented with a puppy, not an ordinary puppy, but a pedigree mastiff (a very important point, of course), tried from delicacy of feeling to pretend that he was pleased. But his father and the boys could not help seeing that the puppy only served to recall to his little heart the thought of the unhappy dog he had killed. The puppy lay beside him feebly moving and he, smiling sadly, stroked it with his thin, pale, wasted hand. Clearly he liked the puppy, but ... it wasn't Zhutchka; if he could have had Zhutchka and the puppy, too, then he would have been completely happy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Krassotkin!&#8221; cried one of the boys suddenly. He was the first to see him come in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Krassotkin's entrance made a general sensation; the boys moved away and stood on each side of the bed, so that he could get a full view of Ilusha. The captain ran eagerly to meet Kolya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Please come in ... you are welcome!&#8221; he said hurriedly. &#8220;Ilusha, Mr. Krassotkin has come to see you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Krassotkin, shaking hands with him hurriedly, instantly showed his complete knowledge of the manners of good society. He turned first to the captain's wife sitting in her arm-chair, who was very ill-humored at the moment, and was grumbling that the boys stood between her and Ilusha's bed and did not let her see the new puppy. With the greatest courtesy he made her a bow, scraping his foot, and turning to Nina, he made her, as the only other lady present, a similar bow. This polite behavior made an extremely favorable impression on the deranged lady.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There, you can see at once he is a young man that has been well brought up,&#8221; she commented aloud, throwing up her hands; &#8220;but as for our other visitors they come in one on the top of another.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you mean, mamma, one on the top of another, how is that?&#8221; muttered the captain affectionately, though a little anxious on her account.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's how they ride in. They get on each other's shoulders in the passage and prance in like that on a respectable family. Strange sort of visitors!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But who's come in like that, mamma?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, that boy came in riding on that one's back and this one on that one's.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kolya was already by Ilusha's bedside. The sick boy turned visibly paler. He raised himself in the bed and looked intently at Kolya. Kolya had not seen his little friend for two months, and he was overwhelmed at the sight of him. He had never imagined that he would see such a wasted, yellow face, such enormous, feverishly glowing eyes and such thin little hands. He saw, with grieved surprise, Ilusha's rapid, hard breathing and dry lips. He stepped close to him, held out his hand, and almost overwhelmed, he said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, old man ... how are you?&#8221; But his voice failed him, he couldn't achieve an appearance of ease; his face suddenly twitched and the corners of his mouth quivered. Ilusha smiled a pitiful little smile, still unable to utter a word. Something moved Kolya to raise his hand and pass it over Ilusha's hair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never mind!&#8221; he murmured softly to him to cheer him up, or perhaps not knowing why he said it. For a minute they were silent again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hallo, so you've got a new puppy?&#8221; Kolya said suddenly, in a most callous voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ye&#8212;es,&#8221; answered Ilusha in a long whisper, gasping for breath.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A black nose, that means he'll be fierce, a good house-dog,&#8221; Kolya observed gravely and stolidly, as if the only thing he cared about was the puppy and its black nose. But in reality he still had to do his utmost to control his feelings not to burst out crying like a child, and do what he would he could not control it. &#8220;When it grows up, you'll have to keep it on the chain, I'm sure.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He'll be a huge dog!&#8221; cried one of the boys.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course he will,&#8221; &#8220;a mastiff,&#8221; &#8220;large,&#8221; &#8220;like this,&#8221; &#8220;as big as a calf,&#8221; shouted several voices.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As big as a calf, as a real calf,&#8221; chimed in the captain. &#8220;I got one like that on purpose, one of the fiercest breed, and his parents are huge and very fierce, they stand as high as this from the floor.... Sit down here, on Ilusha's bed, or here on the bench. You are welcome, we've been hoping to see you a long time.... You were so kind as to come with Alexey Fyodorovitch?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Krassotkin sat on the edge of the bed, at Ilusha's feet. Though he had perhaps prepared a free-and-easy opening for the conversation on his way, now he completely lost the thread of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No ... I came with Perezvon. I've got a dog now, called Perezvon. A Slavonic name. He's out there ... if I whistle, he'll run in. I've brought a dog, too,&#8221; he said, addressing Ilusha all at once. &#8220;Do you remember Zhutchka, old man?&#8221; he suddenly fired the question at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ilusha's little face quivered. He looked with an agonized expression at Kolya. Alyosha, standing at the door, frowned and signed to Kolya not to speak of Zhutchka, but he did not or would not notice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where ... is Zhutchka?&#8221; Ilusha asked in a broken voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well, my boy, your Zhutchka's lost and done for!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ilusha did not speak, but he fixed an intent gaze once more on Kolya. Alyosha, catching Kolya's eye, signed to him vigorously again, but he turned away his eyes pretending not to have noticed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It must have run away and died somewhere. It must have died after a meal like that,&#8221; Kolya pronounced pitilessly, though he seemed a little breathless. &#8220;But I've got a dog, Perezvon ... A Slavonic name.... I've brought him to show you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't want him!&#8221; said Ilusha suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no, you really must see him ... it will amuse you. I brought him on purpose.... He's the same sort of shaggy dog.... You allow me to call in my dog, madam?&#8221; He suddenly addressed Madame Snegiryov, with inexplicable excitement in his manner.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't want him, I don't want him!&#8221; cried Ilusha, with a mournful break in his voice. There was a reproachful light in his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'd better,&#8221; the captain started up from the chest by the wall on which he had just sat down, &#8220;you'd better ... another time,&#8221; he muttered, but Kolya could not be restrained. He hurriedly shouted to Smurov, &#8220;Open the door,&#8221; and as soon as it was open, he blew his whistle. Perezvon dashed headlong into the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Jump, Perezvon, beg! Beg!&#8221; shouted Kolya, jumping up, and the dog stood erect on its hind-legs by Ilusha's bedside. What followed was a surprise to every one: Ilusha started, lurched violently forward, bent over Perezvon and gazed at him, faint with suspense.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's ... Zhutchka!&#8221; he cried suddenly, in a voice breaking with joy and suffering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And who did you think it was?&#8221; Krassotkin shouted with all his might, in a ringing, happy voice, and bending down he seized the dog and lifted him up to Ilusha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Look, old man, you see, blind of one eye and the left ear is torn, just the marks you described to me. It was by that I found him. I found him directly. He did not belong to any one!&#8221; he explained, turning quickly to the captain, to his wife, to Alyosha and then again to Ilusha. &#8220;He used to live in the Fedotovs' back-yard. Though he made his home there, they did not feed him. He was a stray dog that had run away from the village ... I found him.... You see, old man, he couldn't have swallowed what you gave him. If he had, he must have died, he must have! So he must have spat it out, since he is alive. You did not see him do it. But the pin pricked his tongue, that is why he squealed. He ran away squealing and you thought he'd swallowed it. He might well squeal, because the skin of dogs' mouths is so tender ... tenderer than in men, much tenderer!&#8221; Kolya cried impetuously, his face glowing and radiant with delight. Ilusha could not speak. White as a sheet, he gazed open-mouthed at Kolya, with his great eyes almost starting out of his head. And if Krassotkin, who had no suspicion of it, had known what a disastrous and fatal effect such a moment might have on the sick child's health, nothing would have induced him to play such a trick on him. But Alyosha was perhaps the only person in the room who realized it. As for the captain he behaved like a small child.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Zhutchka! It's Zhutchka!&#8221; he cried in a blissful voice, &#8220;Ilusha, this is Zhutchka, your Zhutchka! Mamma, this is Zhutchka!&#8221; He was almost weeping.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I never guessed!&#8221; cried Smurov regretfully. &#8220;Bravo, Krassotkin! I said he'd find the dog and here he's found him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here he's found him!&#8221; another boy repeated gleefully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Krassotkin's a brick!&#8221; cried a third voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's a brick, he's a brick!&#8221; cried the other boys, and they began clapping.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wait, wait,&#8221; Krassotkin did his utmost to shout above them all. &#8220;I'll tell you how it happened, that's the whole point. I found him, I took him home and hid him at once. I kept him locked up at home and did not show him to anyone till to-day. Only Smurov has known for the last fortnight, but I assured him this dog was called Perezvon and he did not guess. And meanwhile I taught the dog all sorts of tricks. You should only see all the things he can do! I trained him so as to bring you a well-trained dog, in good condition, old man, so as to be able to say to you, &#8216;See, old man, what a fine dog your Zhutchka is now!' Haven't you a bit of meat? He'll show you a trick that will make you die with laughing. A piece of meat, haven't you got any?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The captain ran across the passage to the landlady, where their cooking was done. Not to lose precious time, Kolya, in desperate haste, shouted to Perezvon, &#8220;Dead!&#8221; And the dog immediately turned round and lay on his back with its four paws in the air. The boys laughed. Ilusha looked on with the same suffering smile, but the person most delighted with the dog's performance was &#8220;mamma.&#8221; She laughed at the dog and began snapping her fingers and calling it, &#8220;Perezvon, Perezvon!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing will make him get up, nothing!&#8221; Kolya cried triumphantly, proud of his success. &#8220;He won't move for all the shouting in the world, but if I call to him, he'll jump up in a minute. Ici, Perezvon!&#8221; The dog leapt up and bounded about, whining with delight. The captain ran back with a piece of cooked beef.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is it hot?&#8221; Kolya inquired hurriedly, with a business-like air, taking the meat. &#8220;Dogs don't like hot things. No, it's all right. Look, everybody, look, Ilusha, look, old man; why aren't you looking? He does not look at him, now I've brought him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The new trick consisted in making the dog stand motionless with his nose out and putting a tempting morsel of meat just on his nose. The luckless dog had to stand without moving, with the meat on his nose, as long as his master chose to keep him, without a movement, perhaps for half an hour. But he kept Perezvon only for a brief moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Paid for!&#8221; cried Kolya, and the meat passed in a flash from the dog's nose to his mouth. The audience, of course, expressed enthusiasm and surprise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Can you really have put off coming all this time simply to train the dog?&#8221; exclaimed Alyosha, with an involuntary note of reproach in his voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Simply for that!&#8221; answered Kolya, with perfect simplicity. &#8220;I wanted to show him in all his glory.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perezvon! Perezvon,&#8221; called Ilusha suddenly, snapping his thin fingers and beckoning to the dog.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it? Let him jump up on the bed! &lt;i&gt;Ici&lt;/i&gt;, Perezvon!&#8221; Kolya slapped the bed and Perezvon darted up by Ilusha. The boy threw both arms round his head and Perezvon instantly licked his cheek. Ilusha crept close to him, stretched himself out in bed and hid his face in the dog's shaggy coat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dear, dear!&#8221; kept exclaiming the captain. Kolya sat down again on the edge of the bed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ilusha, I can show you another trick. I've brought you a little cannon. You remember, I told you about it before and you said how much you'd like to see it. Well, here, I've brought it to you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Kolya hurriedly pulled out of his satchel the little bronze cannon. He hurried, because he was happy himself. Another time he would have waited till the sensation made by Perezvon had passed off, now he hurried on regardless of all consideration. &#8220;You are all happy now,&#8221; he felt, &#8220;so here's something to make you happier!&#8221; He was perfectly enchanted himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've been coveting this thing for a long while; it's for you, old man, it's for you. It belonged to Morozov, it was no use to him, he had it from his brother. I swopped a book from father's book-case for it, &lt;i&gt;A Kinsman of Mahomet or Salutary Folly&lt;/i&gt;, a scandalous book published in Moscow a hundred years ago, before they had any censorship. And Morozov has a taste for such things. He was grateful to me, too....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kolya held the cannon in his hand so that all could see and admire it. Ilusha raised himself, and, with his right arm still round the dog, he gazed enchanted at the toy. The sensation was even greater when Kolya announced that he had gunpowder too, and that it could be fired off at once &#8220;if it won't alarm the ladies.&#8221; &#8220;Mamma&#8221; immediately asked to look at the toy closer and her request was granted. She was much pleased with the little bronze cannon on wheels and began rolling it to and fro on her lap. She readily gave permission for the cannon to be fired, without any idea of what she had been asked. Kolya showed the powder and the shot. The captain, as a military man, undertook to load it, putting in a minute quantity of powder. He asked that the shot might be put off till another time. The cannon was put on the floor, aiming towards an empty part of the room, three grains of powder were thrust into the touch-hole and a match was put to it. A magnificent explosion followed. Mamma was startled, but at once laughed with delight. The boys gazed in speechless triumph. But the captain, looking at Ilusha, was more enchanted than any of them. Kolya picked up the cannon and immediately presented it to Ilusha, together with the powder and the shot.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I got it for you, for you! I've been keeping it for you a long time,&#8221; he repeated once more in his delight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, give it to me! No, give me the cannon!&#8221; mamma began begging like a little child. Her face showed a piteous fear that she would not get it. Kolya was disconcerted. The captain fidgeted uneasily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma, mamma,&#8221; he ran to her, &#8220;the cannon's yours, of course, but let Ilusha have it, because it's a present to him, but it's just as good as yours. Ilusha will always let you play with it; it shall belong to both of you, both of you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I don't want it to belong to both of us, I want it to be mine altogether, not Ilusha's,&#8221; persisted mamma, on the point of tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Take it, mother, here, keep it!&#8221; Ilusha cried. &#8220;Krassotkin, may I give it to my mother?&#8221; he turned to Krassotkin with an imploring face, as though he were afraid he might be offended at his giving his present to some one else.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course you may,&#8221; Krassotkin assented heartily, and, taking the cannon from Ilusha, he handed it himself to mamma with a polite bow. She was so touched that she cried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ilusha, darling, he's the one who loves his mamma!&#8221; she said tenderly, and at once began wheeling the cannon to and fro on her lap again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma, let me kiss your hand.&#8221; The captain darted up to her at once and did so.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I never saw such a charming fellow as this nice boy,&#8221; said the grateful lady, pointing to Krassotkin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I'll bring you as much powder as you like, Ilusha. We make the powder ourselves now. Borovikov found out how it's made&#8212;twenty-four parts of saltpeter, ten of sulphur and six of birchwood charcoal. It's all pounded together, mixed into a paste with water and rubbed through a tammy sieve&#8212;that's how it's done.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Smurov told me about your powder, only father says it's not real gunpowder,&#8221; responded Ilusha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not real?&#8221; Kolya flushed. &#8220;It burns. I don't know, of course.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I didn't mean that,&#8221; put in the captain with a guilty face. &#8220;I only said that real powder is not made like that, but that's nothing, it can be made so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know, you know best. We lighted some in a pomatum pot, it burned splendidly, it all burnt away leaving only a tiny ash. But that was only the paste, and if you rub it through ... but of course you know best, I don't know.... And Bulkin's father thrashed him on account of our powder, did you hear?&#8221; he turned to Ilusha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; answered Ilusha. He listened to Kolya with immense interest and enjoyment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We had prepared a whole bottle of it and he used to keep it under his bed. His father saw it. He said it might explode, and thrashed him on the spot. He was going to make a complaint against me to the masters. He is not allowed to go about with me now, no one is allowed to go about with me now. Smurov is not allowed to either, I've got a bad name with every one. They say I'm a &#8216;desperate character,' &#8221; Kolya smiled scornfully. &#8220;It all began from what happened on the railway.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, we've heard of that exploit of yours, too,&#8221; cried the captain. &#8220;How could you lie still on the line? Is it possible you weren't the least afraid, lying there under the train? Weren't you frightened?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The captain was abject in his flattery of Kolya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;N&#8212;not particularly,&#8221; answered Kolya carelessly. &#8220;What's blasted my reputation more than anything here was that cursed goose,&#8221; he said, turning again to Ilusha. But though he assumed an unconcerned air as he talked, he still could not control himself and was continually missing the note he tried to keep up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! I heard about the goose!&#8221; Ilusha laughed, beaming all over. &#8220;They told me, but I didn't understand. Did they really take you to the court?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The most stupid, trivial affair, they made a mountain of a molehill as they always do,&#8221; Kolya began carelessly. &#8220;I was walking through the market-place here one day, just when they'd driven in the geese. I stopped and looked at them. All at once a fellow, who is an errand-boy at Plotnikov's now, looked at me and said, &#8216;What are you looking at the geese for?' I looked at him; he was a stupid, moon-faced fellow of twenty. I am always on the side of the peasantry, you know. I like talking to the peasants.... We've dropped behind the peasants&#8212;that's an axiom. I believe you are laughing, Karamazov?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Heaven forbid, I am listening,&#8221; said Alyosha with a most good-natured air, and the sensitive Kolya was immediately reassured.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My theory, Karamazov, is clear and simple,&#8221; he hurried on again, looking pleased. &#8220;I believe in the people and am always glad to give them their due, but I am not for spoiling them, that is a &lt;i&gt;sine qua non&lt;/i&gt; ... But I was telling you about the goose. So I turned to the fool and answered, &#8216;I am wondering what the goose thinks about.' He looked at me quite stupidly, &#8216;And what does the goose think about?' he asked. &#8216;Do you see that cart full of oats?' I said. &#8216;The oats are dropping out of the sack, and the goose has put its neck right under the wheel to gobble them up&#8212;do you see?' &#8216;I see that quite well,' he said. &#8216;Well,' said I, &#8216;if that cart were to move on a little, would it break the goose's neck or not?' &#8216;It'd be sure to break it,' and he grinned all over his face, highly delighted. &#8216;Come on, then,' said I, &#8216;let's try.' &#8216;Let's,' he said. And it did not take us long to arrange: he stood at the bridle without being noticed, and I stood on one side to direct the goose. And the owner wasn't looking, he was talking to some one, so I had nothing to do, the goose thrust its head in after the oats of itself, under the cart, just under the wheel. I winked at the lad, he tugged at the bridle, and crack. The goose's neck was broken in half. And, as luck would have it, all the peasants saw us at that moment and they kicked up a shindy at once. &#8216;You did that on purpose!' &#8216;No, not on purpose.' &#8216;Yes, you did, on purpose!' Well, they shouted, &#8216;Take him to the justice of the peace!' They took me, too. &#8216;You were there, too,' they said, &#8216;you helped, you're known all over the market!' And, for some reason, I really am known all over the market,&#8221; Kolya added conceitedly. &#8220;We all went off to the justice's, they brought the goose, too. The fellow was crying in a great funk, simply blubbering like a woman. And the farmer kept shouting that you could kill any number of geese like that. Well, of course, there were witnesses. The justice of the peace settled it in a minute, that the farmer was to be paid a rouble for the goose, and the fellow to have the goose. And he was warned not to play such pranks again. And the fellow kept blubbering like a woman. &#8216;It wasn't me,' he said, &#8216;it was he egged me on,' and he pointed to me. I answered with the utmost composure that I hadn't egged him on, that I simply stated the general proposition, had spoken hypothetically. The justice of the peace smiled and was vexed with himself at once for having smiled. &#8216;I'll complain to your masters of you, so that for the future you mayn't waste your time on such general propositions, instead of sitting at your books and learning your lessons.' He didn't complain to the masters, that was a joke, but the matter was noised abroad and came to the ears of the masters. Their ears are long, you know! The classical master, Kolbasnikov, was particularly shocked about it, but Dardanelov got me off again. But Kolbasnikov is savage with every one now like a green ass. Did you know, Ilusha, he is just married, got a dowry of a thousand roubles, and his bride's a regular fright of the first rank and the last degree. The third-class fellows wrote an epigram on it:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Astounding news has reached the class,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kolbasnikov has been an ass.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And so on, awfully funny, I'll bring it to you later on. I say nothing against Dardanelov, he is a learned man, there's no doubt about it. I respect men like that and it's not because he stood up for me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you took him down about the founders of Troy!&#8221; Smurov put in suddenly, unmistakably proud of Krassotkin at such a moment. He was particularly pleased with the story of the goose.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did you really take him down?&#8221; the captain inquired, in a flattering way. &#8220;On the question who founded Troy? We heard of it, Ilusha told me about it at the time.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He knows everything, father, he knows more than any of us!&#8221; put in Ilusha; &#8220;he only pretends to be like that, but really he is top in every subject....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ilusha looked at Kolya with infinite happiness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, that's all nonsense about Troy, a trivial matter. I consider this an unimportant question,&#8221; said Kolya with haughty humility. He had by now completely recovered his dignity, though he was still a little uneasy. He felt that he was greatly excited and that he had talked about the goose, for instance, with too little reserve, while Alyosha had looked serious and had not said a word all the time. And the vain boy began by degrees to have a rankling fear that Alyosha was silent because he despised him, and thought he was showing off before him. If he dared to think anything like that Kolya would&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I regard the question as quite a trivial one,&#8221; he rapped out again, proudly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I know who founded Troy,&#8221; a boy, who had not spoken before, said suddenly, to the surprise of every one. He was silent and seemed to be shy. He was a pretty boy of about eleven, called Kartashov. He was sitting near the door. Kolya looked at him with dignified amazement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The fact was that the identity of the founders of Troy had become a secret for the whole school, a secret which could only be discovered by reading Smaragdov, and no one had Smaragdov but Kolya. One day, when Kolya's back was turned, Kartashov hastily opened Smaragdov, which lay among Kolya's books, and immediately lighted on the passage relating to the foundation of Troy. This was a good time ago, but he felt uneasy and could not bring himself to announce publicly that he too knew who had founded Troy, afraid of what might happen and of Krassotkin's somehow putting him to shame over it. But now he couldn't resist saying it. For weeks he had been longing to.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, who did found it?&#8221; asked Kolya, turning to him with haughty superciliousness. He saw from his face that he really did know and at once made up his mind how to take it. There was, so to speak, a discordant note in the general harmony.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Troy was founded by Teucer, Dardanus, Ilius and Tros,&#8221; the boy rapped out at once, and in the same instant he blushed, blushed so, that it was painful to look at him. But the boys stared at him, stared at him for a whole minute, and then all the staring eyes turned at once and were fastened upon Kolya, who was still scanning the audacious boy with disdainful composure.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In what sense did they found it?&#8221; he deigned to comment at last. &#8220;And what is meant by founding a city or a state? What do they do? Did they go and each lay a brick, do you suppose?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was laughter. The offending boy turned from pink to crimson. He was silent and on the point of tears. Kolya held him so for a minute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Before you talk of a historical event like the foundation of a nationality, you must first understand what you mean by it,&#8221; he admonished him in stern, incisive tones. &#8220;But I attach no consequence to these old wives' tales and I don't think much of universal history in general,&#8221; he added carelessly, addressing the company generally.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Universal history?&#8221; the captain inquired, looking almost scared.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, universal history! It's the study of the successive follies of mankind and nothing more. The only subjects I respect are mathematics and natural science,&#8221; said Kolya. He was showing off and he stole a glance at Alyosha; his was the only opinion he was afraid of there. But Alyosha was still silent and still serious as before. If Alyosha had said a word it would have stopped him, but Alyosha was silent and &#8220;it might be the silence of contempt,&#8221; and that finally irritated Kolya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The classical languages, too ... they are simply madness, nothing more. You seem to disagree with me again, Karamazov?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't agree,&#8221; said Alyosha, with a faint smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The study of the classics, if you ask my opinion, is simply a police measure, that's simply why it has been introduced into our schools.&#8221; By degrees Kolya began to get breathless again. &#8220;Latin and Greek were introduced because they are a bore and because they stupefy the intellect. It was dull before, so what could they do to make things duller? It was senseless enough before, so what could they do to make it more senseless? So they thought of Greek and Latin. That's my opinion, I hope I shall never change it,&#8221; Kolya finished abruptly. His cheeks were flushed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's true,&#8221; assented Smurov suddenly, in a ringing tone of conviction. He had listened attentively.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And yet he is first in Latin himself,&#8221; cried one of the group of boys suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, father, he says that and yet he is first in Latin,&#8221; echoed Ilusha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What of it?&#8221; Kolya thought fit to defend himself, though the praise was very sweet to him. &#8220;I am fagging away at Latin because I have to, because I promised my mother to pass my examination, and I think that whatever you do, it's worth doing it well. But in my soul I have a profound contempt for the classics and all that fraud.... You don't agree, Karamazov?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why &#8216;fraud'?&#8221; Alyosha smiled again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, all the classical authors have been translated into all languages, so it was not for the sake of studying the classics they introduced Latin, but solely as a police measure, to stupefy the intelligence. So what can one call it but a fraud?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, who taught you all this?&#8221; cried Alyosha, surprised at last.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the first place I am capable of thinking for myself without being taught. Besides, what I said just now about the classics being translated our teacher Kolbasnikov has said to the whole of the third class.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The doctor has come!&#8221; cried Nina, who had been silent till then.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A carriage belonging to Madame Hohlakov drove up to the gate. The captain, who had been expecting the doctor all the morning, rushed headlong out to meet him. &#8220;Mamma&#8221; pulled herself together and assumed a dignified air. Alyosha went up to Ilusha and began setting his pillows straight. Nina, from her invalid chair, anxiously watched him putting the bed tidy. The boys hurriedly took leave. Some of them promised to come again in the evening. Kolya called Perezvon and the dog jumped off the bed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I won't go away, I won't go away,&#8221; Kolya said hastily to Ilusha. &#8220;I'll wait in the passage and come back when the doctor's gone, I'll come back with Perezvon.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But by now the doctor had entered, an important-looking person with long, dark whiskers and a shiny, shaven chin, wearing a bearskin coat. As he crossed the threshold he stopped, taken aback; he probably fancied he had come to the wrong place. &#8220;How is this? Where am I?&#8221; he muttered, not removing his coat nor his peaked sealskin cap. The crowd, the poverty of the room, the washing hanging on a line in the corner, puzzled him. The captain, bent double, was bowing low before him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's here, sir, here, sir,&#8221; he muttered cringingly; &#8220;it's here, you've come right, you were coming to us...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sne-gi-ryov?&#8221; the doctor said loudly and pompously. &#8220;Mr. Snegiryov&#8212;is that you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's me, sir!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The doctor looked round the room with a squeamish air once more and threw off his coat, displaying to all eyes the grand decoration at his neck. The captain caught the fur coat in the air, and the doctor took off his cap.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where is the patient?&#8221; he asked emphatically.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI. PRECOCITY&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;What do you think the doctor will say to him?&#8221; Kolya asked quickly. &#8220;What a repulsive mug, though, hasn't he? I can't endure medicine!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ilusha is dying. I think that's certain,&#8221; answered Alyosha, mournfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They are rogues! Medicine's a fraud! I am glad to have made your acquaintance, though, Karamazov. I wanted to know you for a long time. I am only sorry we meet in such sad circumstances.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kolya had a great inclination to say something even warmer and more demonstrative, but he felt ill at ease. Alyosha noticed this, smiled, and pressed his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've long learned to respect you as a rare person,&#8221; Kolya muttered again, faltering and uncertain. &#8220;I have heard you are a mystic and have been in the monastery. I know you are a mystic, but ... that hasn't put me off. Contact with real life will cure you.... It's always so with characters like yours.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean by mystic? Cure me of what?&#8221; Alyosha was rather astonished.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, God and all the rest of it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What, don't you believe in God?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I've nothing against God. Of course, God is only a hypothesis, but ... I admit that He is needed ... for the order of the universe and all that ... and that if there were no God He would have to be invented,&#8221; added Kolya, beginning to blush. He suddenly fancied that Alyosha might think he was trying to show off his knowledge and to prove that he was &#8220;grown up.&#8221; &#8220;I haven't the slightest desire to show off my knowledge to him,&#8221; Kolya thought indignantly. And all of a sudden he felt horribly annoyed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must confess I can't endure entering on such discussions,&#8221; he said with a final air. &#8220;It's possible for one who doesn't believe in God to love mankind, don't you think so? Voltaire didn't believe in God and loved mankind?&#8221; (&#8220;I am at it again,&#8221; he thought to himself.)&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Voltaire believed in God, though not very much, I think, and I don't think he loved mankind very much either,&#8221; said Alyosha quietly, gently, and quite naturally, as though he were talking to some one of his own age, or even older. Kolya was particularly struck by Alyosha's apparent diffidence about his opinion of Voltaire. He seemed to be leaving the question for him, little Kolya, to settle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you read Voltaire?&#8221; Alyosha finished.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, not to say read.... But I've read &lt;i&gt;Candide&lt;/i&gt; in the Russian translation ... in an absurd, grotesque, old translation ... (At it again! again!)&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And did you understand it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, everything.... That is ... Why do you suppose I shouldn't understand it? There's a lot of nastiness in it, of course.... Of course I can understand that it's a philosophical novel and written to advocate an idea....&#8221; Kolya was getting mixed by now. &#8220;I am a Socialist, Karamazov, I am an incurable Socialist,&#8221; he announced suddenly, apropos of nothing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A Socialist?&#8221; laughed Alyosha. &#8220;But when have you had time to become one? Why, I thought you were only thirteen?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kolya winced.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the first place I am not thirteen, but fourteen, fourteen in a fortnight,&#8221; he flushed angrily, &#8220;and in the second place I am at a complete loss to understand what my age has to do with it? The question is what are my convictions, not what is my age, isn't it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When you are older, you'll understand for yourself the influence of age on convictions. I fancied, too, that you were not expressing your own ideas,&#8221; Alyosha answered serenely and modestly, but Kolya interrupted him hotly:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, you want obedience and mysticism. You must admit that the Christian religion, for instance, has only been of use to the rich and the powerful to keep the lower classes in slavery. That's so, isn't it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, I know where you read that, and I am sure some one told you so!&#8221; cried Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I say, what makes you think I read it? And certainly no one told me so. I can think for myself.... I am not opposed to Christ, if you like. He was a most humane person, and if He were alive to-day, He would be found in the ranks of the revolutionists, and would perhaps play a conspicuous part.... There's no doubt about that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, where, where did you get that from? What fool have you made friends with?&#8221; exclaimed Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, the truth will out! It has so chanced that I have often talked to Mr. Rakitin, of course, but ... old Byelinsky said that, too, so they say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Byelinsky? I don't remember. He hasn't written that anywhere.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If he didn't write it, they say he said it. I heard that from a ... but never mind.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And have you read Byelinsky?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, no ... I haven't read all of him, but ... I read the passage about Tatyana, why she didn't go off with Onyegin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Didn't go off with Onyegin? Surely you don't ... understand that already?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, you seem to take me for little Smurov,&#8221; said Kolya, with a grin of irritation. &#8220;But please don't suppose I am such a revolutionist. I often disagree with Mr. Rakitin. Though I mention Tatyana, I am not at all for the emancipation of women. I acknowledge that women are a subject race and must obey. &lt;i&gt;Les femmes tricottent&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb27&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;les femmes tricottent &#8211; the women are knitting&#034; id=&#034;nh27&#034;&gt;27&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, as Napoleon said.&#8221; Kolya, for some reason, smiled, &#8220;And on that question at least I am quite of one mind with that pseudo-great man. I think, too, that to leave one's own country and fly to America is mean, worse than mean&#8212;silly. Why go to America when one may be of great service to humanity here? Now especially. There's a perfect mass of fruitful activity open to us. That's what I answered.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean? Answered whom? Has some one suggested your going to America already?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must own, they've been at me to go, but I declined. That's between ourselves, of course, Karamazov; do you hear, not a word to any one. I say this only to you. I am not at all anxious to fall into the clutches of the secret police and take lessons at the Chain bridge.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Long will you remember&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The house at the Chain bridge.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Do you remember? It's splendid. Why are you laughing? You don't suppose I am fibbing, do you?&#8221; (&#8220;What if he should find out that I've only that one number of &lt;i&gt;The Bell&lt;/i&gt; in father's bookcase, and haven't read any more of it?&#8221; Kolya thought with a shudder.)&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, I am not laughing and don't suppose for a moment that you are lying. No, indeed, I can't suppose so, for all this, alas! is perfectly true. But tell me, have you read Pushkin&#8212;Onyegin, for instance?... You spoke just now of Tatyana.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I haven't read it yet, but I want to read it. I have no prejudices, Karamazov; I want to hear both sides. What makes you ask?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, nothing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me, Karamazov, have you an awful contempt for me?&#8221; Kolya rapped out suddenly and drew himself up before Alyosha, as though he were on drill. &#8220;Be so kind as to tell me, without beating about the bush.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have a contempt for you?&#8221; Alyosha looked at him wondering. &#8220;What for? I am only sad that a charming nature such as yours should be perverted by all this crude nonsense before you have begun life.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't be anxious about my nature,&#8221; Kolya interrupted, not without complacency. &#8220;But it's true that I am stupidly sensitive, crudely sensitive. You smiled just now, and I fancied you seemed to&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, my smile meant something quite different. I'll tell you why I smiled. Not long ago I read the criticism made by a German who had lived in Russia, on our students and schoolboys of to-day. &#8216;Show a Russian schoolboy,' he writes, &#8216;a map of the stars, which he knows nothing about, and he will give you back the map next day with corrections on it.' No knowledge and unbounded conceit&#8212;that's what the German meant to say about the Russian schoolboy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that's perfectly right,&#8221; Kolya laughed suddenly, &#8220;exactly so! Bravo the German! But he did not see the good side, what do you think? Conceit may be, that comes from youth, that will be corrected if need be, but, on the other hand, there is an independent spirit almost from childhood, boldness of thought and conviction, and not the spirit of these sausage makers, groveling before authority.... But the German was right all the same. Bravo the German! But Germans want strangling all the same. Though they are so good at science and learning they must be strangled.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Strangled, what for?&#8221; smiled Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, perhaps I am talking nonsense, I agree. I am awfully childish sometimes, and when I am pleased about anything I can't restrain myself and am ready to talk any stuff. But, I say, we are chattering away here about nothing, and that doctor has been a long time in there. But perhaps he's examining the mamma and that poor crippled Nina. I liked that Nina, you know. She whispered to me suddenly as I was coming away, &#8216;Why didn't you come before?' And in such a voice, so reproachfully! I think she is awfully nice and pathetic.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes! Well, you'll be coming often, you will see what she is like. It would do you a great deal of good to know people like that, to learn to value a great deal which you will find out from knowing these people,&#8221; Alyosha observed warmly. &#8220;That would have more effect on you than anything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, how I regret and blame myself for not having come sooner!&#8221; Kolya exclaimed, with bitter feeling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it's a great pity. You saw for yourself how delighted the poor child was to see you. And how he fretted for you to come!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't tell me! You make it worse! But it serves me right. What kept me from coming was my conceit, my egoistic vanity, and the beastly wilfullness, which I never can get rid of, though I've been struggling with it all my life. I see that now. I am a beast in lots of ways, Karamazov!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you have a charming nature, though it's been distorted, and I quite understand why you have had such an influence on this generous, morbidly sensitive boy,&#8221; Alyosha answered warmly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you say that to me!&#8221; cried Kolya; &#8220;and would you believe it, I thought&#8212;I've thought several times since I've been here&#8212;that you despised me! If only you knew how I prize your opinion!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But are you really so sensitive? At your age! Would you believe it, just now, when you were telling your story, I thought, as I watched you, that you must be very sensitive!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You thought so? What an eye you've got, I say! I bet that was when I was talking about the goose. That was just when I was fancying you had a great contempt for me for being in such a hurry to show off, and for a moment I quite hated you for it, and began talking like a fool. Then I fancied&#8212;just now, here&#8212;when I said that if there were no God He would have to be invented, that I was in too great a hurry to display my knowledge, especially as I got that phrase out of a book. But I swear I wasn't showing off out of vanity, though I really don't know why. Because I was so pleased? Yes, I believe it was because I was so pleased ... though it's perfectly disgraceful for anyone to be gushing directly they are pleased, I know that. But I am convinced now that you don't despise me; it was all my imagination. Oh, Karamazov, I am profoundly unhappy. I sometimes fancy all sorts of things, that every one is laughing at me, the whole world, and then I feel ready to overturn the whole order of things.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you worry every one about you,&#8221; smiled Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I worry every one about me, especially my mother. Karamazov, tell me, am I very ridiculous now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't think about that, don't think of it at all!&#8221; cried Alyosha. &#8220;And what does ridiculous mean? Isn't every one constantly being or seeming ridiculous? Besides, nearly all clever people now are fearfully afraid of being ridiculous, and that makes them unhappy. All I am surprised at is that you should be feeling that so early, though I've observed it for some time past, and not only in you. Nowadays the very children have begun to suffer from it. It's almost a sort of insanity. The devil has taken the form of that vanity and entered into the whole generation; it's simply the devil,&#8221; added Alyosha, without a trace of the smile that Kolya, staring at him, expected to see. &#8220;You are like every one else,&#8221; said Alyosha, in conclusion, &#8220;that is, like very many others. Only you must not be like everybody else, that's all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Even if every one is like that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, even if every one is like that. You be the only one not like it. You really are not like every one else, here you are not ashamed to confess to something bad and even ridiculous. And who will admit so much in these days? No one. And people have even ceased to feel the impulse to self-criticism. Don't be like every one else, even if you are the only one.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Splendid! I was not mistaken in you. You know how to console one. Oh, how I have longed to know you, Karamazov! I've long been eager for this meeting. Can you really have thought about me, too? You said just now that you thought of me, too?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I'd heard of you and had thought of you, too ... and if it's partly vanity that makes you ask, it doesn't matter.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know, Karamazov, our talk has been like a declaration of love,&#8221; said Kolya, in a bashful and melting voice. &#8220;That's not ridiculous, is it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not at all ridiculous, and if it were, it wouldn't matter, because it's been a good thing.&#8221; Alyosha smiled brightly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But do you know, Karamazov, you must admit that you are a little ashamed yourself, now.... I see it by your eyes.&#8221; Kolya smiled with a sort of sly happiness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why ashamed?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, why are you blushing?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was you made me blush,&#8221; laughed Alyosha, and he really did blush. &#8220;Oh, well, I am a little, goodness knows why, I don't know...&#8221; he muttered, almost embarrassed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, how I love you and admire you at this moment just because you are rather ashamed! Because you are just like me,&#8221; cried Kolya, in positive ecstasy. His cheeks glowed, his eyes beamed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know, Kolya, you will be very unhappy in your life,&#8221; something made Alyosha say suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know, I know. How you know it all beforehand!&#8221; Kolya agreed at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you will bless life on the whole, all the same.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just so, hurrah! You are a prophet. Oh, we shall get on together, Karamazov! Do you know, what delights me most, is that you treat me quite like an equal. But we are not equals, no, we are not, you are better! But we shall get on. Do you know, all this last month, I've been saying to myself, &#8216;Either we shall be friends at once, for ever, or we shall part enemies to the grave!' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And saying that, of course, you loved me,&#8221; Alyosha laughed gayly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I did. I loved you awfully. I've been loving and dreaming of you. And how do you know it all beforehand? Ah, here's the doctor. Goodness! What will he tell us? Look at his face!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII. ILUSHA&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The doctor came out of the room again, muffled in his fur coat and with his cap on his head. His face looked almost angry and disgusted, as though he were afraid of getting dirty. He cast a cursory glance round the passage, looking sternly at Alyosha and Kolya as he did so. Alyosha waved from the door to the coachman, and the carriage that had brought the doctor drove up. The captain darted out after the doctor, and, bowing apologetically, stopped him to get the last word. The poor fellow looked utterly crushed; there was a scared look in his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your Excellency, your Excellency ... is it possible?&#8221; he began, but could not go on and clasped his hands in despair. Yet he still gazed imploringly at the doctor, as though a word from him might still change the poor boy's fate.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can't help it, I am not God!&#8221; the doctor answered offhand, though with the customary impressiveness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Doctor ... your Excellency ... and will it be soon, soon?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You must be prepared for anything,&#8221; said the doctor in emphatic and incisive tones, and dropping his eyes, he was about to step out to the coach.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your Excellency, for Christ's sake!&#8221; the terror-stricken captain stopped him again. &#8220;Your Excellency! but can nothing, absolutely nothing save him now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not in my hands now,&#8221; said the doctor impatiently, &#8220;but h'm!...&#8221; he stopped suddenly. &#8220;If you could, for instance ... send ... your patient ... at once, without delay&#8221; (the words &#8220;at once, without delay,&#8221; the doctor uttered with an almost wrathful sternness that made the captain start) &#8220;to Syracuse, the change to the new be-ne-ficial climatic conditions might possibly effect&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To Syracuse!&#8221; cried the captain, unable to grasp what was said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Syracuse is in Sicily,&#8221; Kolya jerked out suddenly in explanation. The doctor looked at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sicily! your Excellency,&#8221; faltered the captain, &#8220;but you've seen&#8221;&#8212;he spread out his hands, indicating his surroundings&#8212;&#8220;mamma and my family?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;N&#8212;no, Sicily is not the place for the family, the family should go to Caucasus in the early spring ... your daughter must go to the Caucasus, and your wife ... after a course of the waters in the Caucasus for her rheumatism ... must be sent straight to Paris to the mental specialist Lepelletier; I could give you a note to him, and then ... there might be a change&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Doctor, doctor! But you see!&#8221; The captain flung wide his hands again despairingly, indicating the bare wooden walls of the passage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, that's not my business,&#8221; grinned the doctor. &#8220;I have only told you the answer of medical science to your question as to possible treatment. As for the rest, to my regret&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't be afraid, apothecary, my dog won't bite you,&#8221; Kolya rapped out loudly, noticing the doctor's rather uneasy glance at Perezvon, who was standing in the doorway. There was a wrathful note in Kolya's voice. He used the word apothecary instead of doctor on purpose, and, as he explained afterwards, used it &#8220;to insult him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's that?&#8221; The doctor flung up his head, staring with surprise at Kolya. &#8220;Who's this?&#8221; he addressed Alyosha, as though asking him to explain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's Perezvon's master, don't worry about me,&#8221; Kolya said incisively again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perezvon?&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb28&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;perezvon &#8211; i.e. a chime of bells. &#8212;TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&#034; id=&#034;nh28&#034;&gt;28&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; repeated the doctor, perplexed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He hears the bell, but where it is he cannot tell. Good-by, we shall meet in Syracuse.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who's this? Who's this?&#8221; The doctor flew into a terrible rage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is a schoolboy, doctor, he is a mischievous boy; take no notice of him,&#8221; said Alyosha, frowning and speaking quickly. &#8220;Kolya, hold your tongue!&#8221; he cried to Krassotkin. &#8220;Take no notice of him, doctor,&#8221; he repeated, rather impatiently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He wants a thrashing, a good thrashing!&#8221; The doctor stamped in a perfect fury.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you know, apothecary, my Perezvon might bite!&#8221; said Kolya, turning pale, with quivering voice and flashing eyes. &#8220;Ici, Perezvon!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kolya, if you say another word, I'll have nothing more to do with you,&#8221; Alyosha cried peremptorily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is only one man in the world who can command Nikolay Krassotkin&#8212;this is the man&#8221;; Kolya pointed to Alyosha. &#8220;I obey him, good-by!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He stepped forward, opened the door, and quickly went into the inner room. Perezvon flew after him. The doctor stood still for five seconds in amazement, looking at Alyosha; then, with a curse, he went out quickly to the carriage, repeating aloud, &#8220;This is ... this is ... I don't know what it is!&#8221; The captain darted forward to help him into the carriage. Alyosha followed Kolya into the room. He was already by Ilusha's bedside. The sick boy was holding his hand and calling for his father. A minute later the captain, too, came back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father, father, come ... we ...&#8221; Ilusha faltered in violent excitement, but apparently unable to go on, he flung his wasted arms round his father and Kolya, uniting them in one embrace, and hugging them as tightly as he could. The captain suddenly began to shake with dumb sobs, and Kolya's lips and chin twitched.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father, father! How sorry I am for you!&#8221; Ilusha moaned bitterly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ilusha ... darling ... the doctor said ... you would be all right ... we shall be happy ... the doctor ...&#8221; the captain began.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, father! I know what the new doctor said to you about me.... I saw!&#8221; cried Ilusha, and again he hugged them both with all his strength, hiding his face on his father's shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father, don't cry, and when I die get a good boy, another one ... choose one of them all, a good one, call him Ilusha and love him instead of me....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hush, old man, you'll get well,&#8221; Krassotkin cried suddenly, in a voice that sounded angry.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But don't ever forget me, father,&#8221; Ilusha went on, &#8220;come to my grave ... and, father, bury me by our big stone, where we used to go for our walk, and come to me there with Krassotkin in the evening ... and Perezvon ... I shall expect you.... Father, father!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His voice broke. They were all three silent, still embracing. Nina was crying quietly in her chair, and at last seeing them all crying, &#8220;mamma,&#8221; too, burst into tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ilusha! Ilusha!&#8221; she exclaimed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Krassotkin suddenly released himself from Ilusha's embrace.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by, old man, mother expects me back to dinner,&#8221; he said quickly. &#8220;What a pity I did not tell her! She will be dreadfully anxious.... But after dinner I'll come back to you for the whole day, for the whole evening, and I'll tell you all sorts of things, all sorts of things. And I'll bring Perezvon, but now I will take him with me, because he will begin to howl when I am away and bother you. Good-by!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he ran out into the passage. He didn't want to cry, but in the passage he burst into tears. Alyosha found him crying.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kolya, you must be sure to keep your word and come, or he will be terribly disappointed,&#8221; Alyosha said emphatically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will! Oh, how I curse myself for not having come before!&#8221; muttered Kolya, crying, and no longer ashamed of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that moment the captain flew out of the room, and at once closed the door behind him. His face looked frenzied, his lips were trembling. He stood before the two and flung up his arms.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't want a good boy! I don't want another boy!&#8221; he muttered in a wild whisper, clenching his teeth. &#8220;If I forget thee, Jerusalem, may my tongue&#8212;&#8221; He broke off with a sob and sank on his knees before the wooden bench. Pressing his fists against his head, he began sobbing with absurd whimpering cries, doing his utmost that his cries should not be heard in the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kolya ran out into the street.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by, Karamazov? Will you come yourself?&#8221; he cried sharply and angrily to Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will certainly come in the evening.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What was that he said about Jerusalem?... What did he mean by that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's from the Bible. &#8216;If I forget thee, Jerusalem,' that is, if I forget all that is most precious to me, if I let anything take its place, then may&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I understand, that's enough! Mind you come! &lt;i&gt;Ici&lt;/i&gt;, Perezvon!&#8221; he cried with positive ferocity to the dog, and with rapid strides he went home.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;BOOKXI&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;BOOK XI. IVAN&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I. AT GRUSHENKA'S&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Alyosha went towards the cathedral square to the widow Morozov's house to see Grushenka, who had sent Fenya to him early in the morning with an urgent message begging him to come. Questioning Fenya, Alyosha learned that her mistress had been particularly distressed since the previous day. During the two months that had passed since Mitya's arrest, Alyosha had called frequently at the widow Morozov's house, both from his own inclination and to take messages for Mitya. Three days after Mitya's arrest, Grushenka was taken very ill and was ill for nearly five weeks. For one whole week she was unconscious. She was very much changed&#8212;thinner and a little sallow, though she had for the past fortnight been well enough to go out. But to Alyosha her face was even more attractive than before, and he liked to meet her eyes when he went in to her. A look of firmness and intelligent purpose had developed in her face. There were signs of a spiritual transformation in her, and a steadfast, fine and humble determination that nothing could shake could be discerned in her. There was a small vertical line between her brows which gave her charming face a look of concentrated thought, almost austere at the first glance. There was scarcely a trace of her former frivolity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It seemed strange to Alyosha, too, that in spite of the calamity that had overtaken the poor girl, betrothed to a man who had been arrested for a terrible crime, almost at the instant of their betrothal, in spite of her illness and the almost inevitable sentence hanging over Mitya, Grushenka had not yet lost her youthful cheerfulness. There was a soft light in the once proud eyes, though at times they gleamed with the old vindictive fire when she was visited by one disturbing thought stronger than ever in her heart. The object of that uneasiness was the same as ever&#8212;Katerina Ivanovna, of whom Grushenka had even raved when she lay in delirium. Alyosha knew that she was fearfully jealous of her. Yet Katerina Ivanovna had not once visited Mitya in his prison, though she might have done it whenever she liked. All this made a difficult problem for Alyosha, for he was the only person to whom Grushenka opened her heart and from whom she was continually asking advice. Sometimes he was unable to say anything.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Full of anxiety he entered her lodging. She was at home. She had returned from seeing Mitya half an hour before, and from the rapid movement with which she leapt up from her chair to meet him he saw that she had been expecting him with great impatience. A pack of cards dealt for a game of &#8220;fools&#8221; lay on the table. A bed had been made up on the leather sofa on the other side and Maximov lay, half-reclining, on it. He wore a dressing-gown and a cotton nightcap, and was evidently ill and weak, though he was smiling blissfully. When the homeless old man returned with Grushenka from Mokroe two months before, he had simply stayed on and was still staying with her. He arrived with her in rain and sleet, sat down on the sofa, drenched and scared, and gazed mutely at her with a timid, appealing smile. Grushenka, who was in terrible grief and in the first stage of fever, almost forgot his existence in all she had to do the first half-hour after her arrival. Suddenly she chanced to look at him intently: he laughed a pitiful, helpless little laugh. She called Fenya and told her to give him something to eat. All that day he sat in the same place, almost without stirring. When it got dark and the shutters were closed, Fenya asked her mistress:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is the gentleman going to stay the night, mistress?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; make him a bed on the sofa,&#8221; answered Grushenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Questioning him more in detail, Grushenka learned from him that he had literally nowhere to go, and that &#8220;Mr. Kalganov, my benefactor, told me straight that he wouldn't receive me again and gave me five roubles.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, God bless you, you'd better stay, then,&#8221; Grushenka decided in her grief, smiling compassionately at him. Her smile wrung the old man's heart and his lips twitched with grateful tears. And so the destitute wanderer had stayed with her ever since. He did not leave the house even when she was ill. Fenya and her grandmother, the cook, did not turn him out, but went on serving him meals and making up his bed on the sofa. Grushenka had grown used to him, and coming back from seeing Mitya (whom she had begun to visit in prison before she was really well) she would sit down and begin talking to &#8220;Maximushka&#8221; about trifling matters, to keep her from thinking of her sorrow. The old man turned out to be a good story-teller on occasions, so that at last he became necessary to her. Grushenka saw scarcely anyone else beside Alyosha, who did not come every day and never stayed long. Her old merchant lay seriously ill at this time, &#8220;at his last gasp&#8221; as they said in the town, and he did, in fact, die a week after Mitya's trial. Three weeks before his death, feeling the end approaching, he made his sons, their wives and children, come upstairs to him at last and bade them not leave him again. From that moment he gave strict orders to his servants not to admit Grushenka and to tell her if she came, &#8220;The master wishes you long life and happiness and tells you to forget him.&#8221; But Grushenka sent almost every day to inquire after him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've come at last!&#8221; she cried, flinging down the cards and joyfully greeting Alyosha, &#8220;and Maximushka's been scaring me that perhaps you wouldn't come. Ah, how I need you! Sit down to the table. What will you have&#8212;coffee?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, please,&#8221; said Alyosha, sitting down at the table. &#8220;I am very hungry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's right. Fenya, Fenya, coffee,&#8221; cried Grushenka. &#8220;It's been made a long time ready for you. And bring some little pies, and mind they are hot. Do you know, we've had a storm over those pies to-day. I took them to the prison for him, and would you believe it, he threw them back to me: he would not eat them. He flung one of them on the floor and stamped on it. So I said to him: &#8216;I shall leave them with the warder; if you don't eat them before evening, it will be that your venomous spite is enough for you!' With that I went away. We quarreled again, would you believe it? Whenever I go we quarrel.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grushenka said all this in one breath in her agitation. Maximov, feeling nervous, at once smiled and looked on the floor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What did you quarrel about this time?&#8221; asked Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I didn't expect it in the least. Only fancy, he is jealous of the Pole. &#8216;Why are you keeping him?' he said. &#8216;So you've begun keeping him.' He is jealous, jealous of me all the time, jealous eating and sleeping! He even took it into his head to be jealous of Kuzma last week.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But he knew about the Pole before?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but there it is. He has known about him from the very beginning, but to-day he suddenly got up and began scolding about him. I am ashamed to repeat what he said. Silly fellow! Rakitin went in as I came out. Perhaps Rakitin is egging him on. What do you think?&#8221; she added carelessly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He loves you, that's what it is: he loves you so much. And now he is particularly worried.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should think he might be, with the trial to-morrow. And I went to him to say something about to-morrow, for I dread to think what's going to happen then. You say that he is worried, but how worried I am! And he talks about the Pole! He's too silly! He is not jealous of Maximushka yet, anyway.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My wife was dreadfully jealous over me, too,&#8221; Maximov put in his word.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Jealous of you?&#8221; Grushenka laughed in spite of herself. &#8220;Of whom could she have been jealous?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of the servant girls.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hold your tongue, Maximushka, I am in no laughing mood now; I feel angry. Don't ogle the pies. I shan't give you any; they are not good for you, and I won't give you any vodka either. I have to look after him, too, just as though I kept an almshouse,&#8221; she laughed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't deserve your kindness. I am a worthless creature,&#8221; said Maximov, with tears in his voice. &#8220;You would do better to spend your kindness on people of more use than me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ech, every one is of use, Maximushka, and how can we tell who's of most use? If only that Pole didn't exist, Alyosha. He's taken it into his head to fall ill, too, to-day. I've been to see him also. And I shall send him some pies, too, on purpose. I hadn't sent him any, but Mitya accused me of it, so now I shall send some! Ah, here's Fenya with a letter! Yes, it's from the Poles&#8212;begging again!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pan Mussyalovitch had indeed sent an extremely long and characteristically eloquent letter in which he begged her to lend him three roubles. In the letter was enclosed a receipt for the sum, with a promise to repay it within three months, signed by Pan Vrublevsky as well. Grushenka had received many such letters, accompanied by such receipts, from her former lover during the fortnight of her convalescence. But she knew that the two Poles had been to ask after her health during her illness. The first letter Grushenka got from them was a long one, written on large notepaper and with a big family crest on the seal. It was so obscure and rhetorical that Grushenka put it down before she had read half, unable to make head or tail of it. She could not attend to letters then. The first letter was followed next day by another in which Pan Mussyalovitch begged her for a loan of two thousand roubles for a very short period. Grushenka left that letter, too, unanswered. A whole series of letters had followed&#8212;one every day&#8212;all as pompous and rhetorical, but the loan asked for, gradually diminishing, dropped to a hundred roubles, then to twenty-five, to ten, and finally Grushenka received a letter in which both the Poles begged her for only one rouble and included a receipt signed by both.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then Grushenka suddenly felt sorry for them, and at dusk she went round herself to their lodging. She found the two Poles in great poverty, almost destitution, without food or fuel, without cigarettes, in debt to their landlady. The two hundred roubles they had carried off from Mitya at Mokroe had soon disappeared. But Grushenka was surprised at their meeting her with arrogant dignity and self-assertion, with the greatest punctilio and pompous speeches. Grushenka simply laughed, and gave her former admirer ten roubles. Then, laughing, she told Mitya of it and he was not in the least jealous. But ever since, the Poles had attached themselves to Grushenka and bombarded her daily with requests for money and she had always sent them small sums. And now that day Mitya had taken it into his head to be fearfully jealous.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Like a fool, I went round to him just for a minute, on the way to see Mitya, for he is ill, too, my Pole,&#8221; Grushenka began again with nervous haste. &#8220;I was laughing, telling Mitya about it. &#8216;Fancy,' I said, &#8216;my Pole had the happy thought to sing his old songs to me to the guitar. He thought I would be touched and marry him!' Mitya leapt up swearing.... So, there, I'll send them the pies! Fenya, is it that little girl they've sent? Here, give her three roubles and pack a dozen pies up in a paper and tell her to take them. And you, Alyosha, be sure to tell Mitya that I did send them the pies.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I wouldn't tell him for anything,&#8221; said Alyosha, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ech! You think he is unhappy about it. Why, he's jealous on purpose. He doesn't care,&#8221; said Grushenka bitterly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;On purpose?&#8221; queried Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I tell you you are silly, Alyosha. You know nothing about it, with all your cleverness. I am not offended that he is jealous of a girl like me. I would be offended if he were not jealous. I am like that. I am not offended at jealousy. I have a fierce heart, too. I can be jealous myself. Only what offends me is that he doesn't love me at all. I tell you he is jealous now &lt;i&gt;on purpose&lt;/i&gt;. Am I blind? Don't I see? He began talking to me just now of that woman, of Katerina, saying she was this and that, how she had ordered a doctor from Moscow for him, to try and save him; how she had ordered the best counsel, the most learned one, too. So he loves her, if he'll praise her to my face, more shame to him! He's treated me badly himself, so he attacked me, to make out I am in fault first and to throw it all on me. &#8216;You were with your Pole before me, so I can't be blamed for Katerina,' that's what it amounts to. He wants to throw the whole blame on me. He attacked me on purpose, on purpose, I tell you, but I'll&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grushenka could not finish saying what she would do. She hid her eyes in her handkerchief and sobbed violently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He doesn't love Katerina Ivanovna,&#8221; said Alyosha firmly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, whether he loves her or not, I'll soon find out for myself,&#8221; said Grushenka, with a menacing note in her voice, taking the handkerchief from her eyes. Her face was distorted. Alyosha saw sorrowfully that from being mild and serene, it had become sullen and spiteful.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Enough of this foolishness,&#8221; she said suddenly; &#8220;it's not for that I sent for you. Alyosha, darling, to-morrow&#8212;what will happen to-morrow? That's what worries me! And it's only me it worries! I look at every one and no one is thinking of it. No one cares about it. Are you thinking about it even? To-morrow he'll be tried, you know. Tell me, how will he be tried? You know it's the valet, the valet killed him! Good heavens! Can they condemn him in place of the valet and will no one stand up for him? They haven't troubled the valet at all, have they?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's been severely cross-examined,&#8221; observed Alyosha thoughtfully; &#8220;but every one came to the conclusion it was not he. Now he is lying very ill. He has been ill ever since that attack. Really ill,&#8221; added Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, dear! couldn't you go to that counsel yourself and tell him the whole thing by yourself? He's been brought from Petersburg for three thousand roubles, they say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We gave these three thousand together&#8212;Ivan, Katerina Ivanovna and I&#8212;but she paid two thousand for the doctor from Moscow herself. The counsel Fetyukovitch would have charged more, but the case has become known all over Russia; it's talked of in all the papers and journals. Fetyukovitch agreed to come more for the glory of the thing, because the case has become so notorious. I saw him yesterday.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well? Did you talk to him?&#8221; Grushenka put in eagerly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He listened and said nothing. He told me that he had already formed his opinion. But he promised to give my words consideration.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Consideration! Ah, they are swindlers! They'll ruin him. And why did she send for the doctor?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As an expert. They want to prove that Mitya's mad and committed the murder when he didn't know what he was doing&#8221;; Alyosha smiled gently; &#8220;but Mitya won't agree to that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; but that would be the truth if he had killed him!&#8221; cried Grushenka. &#8220;He was mad then, perfectly mad, and that was my fault, wretch that I am! But, of course, he didn't do it, he didn't do it! And they are all against him, the whole town. Even Fenya's evidence went to prove he had done it. And the people at the shop, and that official, and at the tavern, too, before, people had heard him say so! They are all, all against him, all crying out against him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, there's a fearful accumulation of evidence,&#8221; Alyosha observed grimly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And Grigory&#8212;Grigory Vassilyevitch&#8212;sticks to his story that the door was open, persists that he saw it&#8212;there's no shaking him. I went and talked to him myself. He's rude about it, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that's perhaps the strongest evidence against him,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And as for Mitya's being mad, he certainly seems like it now,&#8221; Grushenka began with a peculiarly anxious and mysterious air. &#8220;Do you know, Alyosha, I've been wanting to talk to you about it for a long time. I go to him every day and simply wonder at him. Tell me, now, what do you suppose he's always talking about? He talks and talks and I can make nothing of it. I fancied he was talking of something intellectual that I couldn't understand in my foolishness. Only he suddenly began talking to me about a babe&#8212;that is, about some child. &#8216;Why is the babe poor?' he said. &#8216;It's for that babe I am going to Siberia now. I am not a murderer, but I must go to Siberia!' What that meant, what babe, I couldn't tell for the life of me. Only I cried when he said it, because he said it so nicely. He cried himself, and I cried, too. He suddenly kissed me and made the sign of the cross over me. What did it mean, Alyosha, tell me? What is this babe?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It must be Rakitin, who's been going to see him lately,&#8221; smiled Alyosha, &#8220;though ... that's not Rakitin's doing. I didn't see Mitya yesterday. I'll see him to-day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it's not Rakitin; it's his brother Ivan Fyodorovitch upsetting him. It's his going to see him, that's what it is,&#8221; Grushenka began, and suddenly broke off. Alyosha gazed at her in amazement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan's going? Has he been to see him? Mitya told me himself that Ivan hasn't been once.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There ... there! What a girl I am! Blurting things out!&#8221; exclaimed Grushenka, confused and suddenly blushing. &#8220;Stay, Alyosha, hush! Since I've said so much I'll tell the whole truth&#8212;he's been to see him twice, the first directly he arrived. He galloped here from Moscow at once, of course, before I was taken ill; and the second time was a week ago. He told Mitya not to tell you about it, under any circumstances; and not to tell any one, in fact. He came secretly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha sat plunged in thought, considering something. The news evidently impressed him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan doesn't talk to me of Mitya's case,&#8221; he said slowly. &#8220;He's said very little to me these last two months. And whenever I go to see him, he seems vexed at my coming, so I've not been to him for the last three weeks. H'm!... if he was there a week ago ... there certainly has been a change in Mitya this week.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There has been a change,&#8221; Grushenka assented quickly. &#8220;They have a secret, they have a secret! Mitya told me himself there was a secret, and such a secret that Mitya can't rest. Before then, he was cheerful&#8212;and, indeed, he is cheerful now&#8212;but when he shakes his head like that, you know, and strides about the room and keeps pulling at the hair on his right temple with his right hand, I know there is something on his mind worrying him.... I know! He was cheerful before, though, indeed, he is cheerful to-day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you said he was worried.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he is worried and yet cheerful. He keeps on being irritable for a minute and then cheerful and then irritable again. And you know, Alyosha, I am constantly wondering at him&#8212;with this awful thing hanging over him, he sometimes laughs at such trifles as though he were a baby himself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And did he really tell you not to tell me about Ivan? Did he say, &#8216;Don't tell him'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he told me, &#8216;Don't tell him.' It's you that Mitya's most afraid of. Because it's a secret: he said himself it was a secret. Alyosha, darling, go to him and find out what their secret is and come and tell me,&#8221; Grushenka besought him with sudden eagerness. &#8220;Set my mind at rest that I may know the worst that's in store for me. That's why I sent for you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You think it's something to do with you? If it were, he wouldn't have told you there was a secret.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know. Perhaps he wants to tell me, but doesn't dare to. He warns me. There is a secret, he tells me, but he won't tell me what it is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you think yourself?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do I think? It's the end for me, that's what I think. They all three have been plotting my end, for Katerina's in it. It's all Katerina, it all comes from her. She is this and that, and that means that I am not. He tells me that beforehand&#8212;warns me. He is planning to throw me over, that's the whole secret. They've planned it together, the three of them&#8212;Mitya, Katerina, and Ivan Fyodorovitch. Alyosha, I've been wanting to ask you a long time. A week ago he suddenly told me that Ivan was in love with Katerina, because he often goes to see her. Did he tell me the truth or not? Tell me, on your conscience, tell me the worst.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I won't tell you a lie. Ivan is not in love with Katerina Ivanovna, I think.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, that's what I thought! He is lying to me, shameless deceiver, that's what it is! And he was jealous of me just now, so as to put the blame on me afterwards. He is stupid, he can't disguise what he is doing; he is so open, you know.... But I'll give it to him, I'll give it to him! &#8216;You believe I did it,' he said. He said that to me, to me. He reproached me with that! God forgive him! You wait, I'll make it hot for Katerina at the trial! I'll just say a word then ... I'll tell everything then!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And again she cried bitterly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This I can tell you for certain, Grushenka,&#8221; Alyosha said, getting up. &#8220;First, that he loves you, loves you more than anyone in the world, and you only, believe me. I know. I do know. The second thing is that I don't want to worm his secret out of him, but if he'll tell me of himself to-day, I shall tell him straight out that I have promised to tell you. Then I'll come to you to-day, and tell you. Only ... I fancy ... Katerina Ivanovna has nothing to do with it, and that the secret is about something else. That's certain. It isn't likely it's about Katerina Ivanovna, it seems to me. Good-by for now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha shook hands with her. Grushenka was still crying. He saw that she put little faith in his consolation, but she was better for having had her sorrow out, for having spoken of it. He was sorry to leave her in such a state of mind, but he was in haste. He had a great many things to do still.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II. THE INJURED FOOT&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The first of these things was at the house of Madame Hohlakov, and he hurried there to get it over as quickly as possible and not be too late for Mitya. Madame Hohlakov had been slightly ailing for the last three weeks: her foot had for some reason swollen up, and though she was not in bed, she lay all day half-reclining on the couch in her boudoir, in a fascinating but decorous &lt;i&gt;d&#233;shabill&#233;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb29&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;d&#233;shabill&#233; &#8211; state of undress.&#034; id=&#034;nh29&#034;&gt;29&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. Alyosha had once noted with innocent amusement that, in spite of her illness, Madame Hohlakov had begun to be rather dressy&#8212;top-knots, ribbons, loose wrappers, had made their appearance, and he had an inkling of the reason, though he dismissed such ideas from his mind as frivolous. During the last two months the young official, Perhotin, had become a regular visitor at the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha had not called for four days and he was in haste to go straight to Lise, as it was with her he had to speak, for Lise had sent a maid to him the previous day, specially asking him to come to her &#8220;about something very important,&#8221; a request which, for certain reasons, had interest for Alyosha. But while the maid went to take his name in to Lise, Madame Hohlakov heard of his arrival from some one, and immediately sent to beg him to come to her &#8220;just for one minute.&#8221; Alyosha reflected that it was better to accede to the mamma's request, or else she would be sending down to Lise's room every minute that he was there. Madame Hohlakov was lying on a couch. She was particularly smartly dressed and was evidently in a state of extreme nervous excitement. She greeted Alyosha with cries of rapture.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's ages, ages, perfect ages since I've seen you! It's a whole week&#8212;only think of it! Ah, but you were here only four days ago, on Wednesday. You have come to see Lise. I'm sure you meant to slip into her room on tiptoe, without my hearing you. My dear, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, if you only knew how worried I am about her! But of that later, though that's the most important thing, of that later. Dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, I trust you implicitly with my Lise. Since the death of Father Zossima&#8212;God rest his soul!&#8221; (she crossed herself)&#8212;&#8220;I look upon you as a monk, though you look charming in your new suit. Where did you find such a tailor in these parts? No, no, that's not the chief thing&#8212;of that later. Forgive me for sometimes calling you Alyosha; an old woman like me may take liberties,&#8221; she smiled coquettishly; &#8220;but that will do later, too. The important thing is that I shouldn't forget what is important. Please remind me of it yourself. As soon as my tongue runs away with me, you just say &#8216;the important thing?' Ach! how do I know now what is of most importance? Ever since Lise took back her promise&#8212;her childish promise, Alexey Fyodorovitch&#8212;to marry you, you've realized, of course, that it was only the playful fancy of a sick child who had been so long confined to her chair&#8212;thank God, she can walk now!... that new doctor Katya sent for from Moscow for your unhappy brother, who will to-morrow&#8212;But why speak of to-morrow? I am ready to die at the very thought of to-morrow. Ready to die of curiosity.... That doctor was with us yesterday and saw Lise.... I paid him fifty roubles for the visit. But that's not the point, that's not the point again. You see, I'm mixing everything up. I am in such a hurry. Why am I in a hurry? I don't understand. It's awful how I seem growing unable to understand anything. Everything seems mixed up in a sort of tangle. I am afraid you are so bored you will jump up and run away, and that will be all I shall see of you. Goodness! Why are we sitting here and no coffee? Yulia, Glafira, coffee!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha made haste to thank her, and said that he had only just had coffee.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At Agrafena Alexandrovna's.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At ... at that woman's? Ah, it's she has brought ruin on every one. I know nothing about it though. They say she has become a saint, though it's rather late in the day. She had better have done it before. What use is it now? Hush, hush, Alexey Fyodorovitch, for I have so much to say to you that I am afraid I shall tell you nothing. This awful trial ... I shall certainly go, I am making arrangements. I shall be carried there in my chair; besides I can sit up. I shall have people with me. And, you know, I am a witness. How shall I speak, how shall I speak? I don't know what I shall say. One has to take an oath, hasn't one?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; but I don't think you will be able to go.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can sit up. Ah, you put me out! Ah! this trial, this savage act, and then they are all going to Siberia, some are getting married, and all this so quickly, so quickly, everything's changing, and at last&#8212;nothing. All grow old and have death to look forward to. Well, so be it! I am weary. This Katya, &lt;i&gt;cette charmante personne&lt;/i&gt;, has disappointed all my hopes. Now she is going to follow one of your brothers to Siberia, and your other brother is going to follow her, and will live in the nearest town, and they will all torment one another. It drives me out of my mind. Worst of all&#8212;the publicity. The story has been told a million times over in all the papers in Moscow and Petersburg. Ah! yes, would you believe it, there's a paragraph that I was &#8216;a dear friend' of your brother's &#8212;&#8212;, I can't repeat the horrid word. Just fancy, just fancy!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Impossible! Where was the paragraph? What did it say?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll show you directly. I got the paper and read it yesterday. Here, in the Petersburg paper &lt;i&gt;Gossip&lt;/i&gt;. The paper began coming out this year. I am awfully fond of gossip, and I take it in, and now it pays me out&#8212;this is what gossip comes to! Here it is, here, this passage. Read it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And she handed Alyosha a sheet of newspaper which had been under her pillow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was not exactly that she was upset, she seemed overwhelmed and perhaps everything really was mixed up in a tangle in her head. The paragraph was very typical, and must have been a great shock to her, but, fortunately perhaps, she was unable to keep her mind fixed on anyone subject at that moment, and so might race off in a minute to something else and quite forget the newspaper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha was well aware that the story of the terrible case had spread all over Russia. And, good heavens! what wild rumors about his brother, about the Karamazovs, and about himself he had read in the course of those two months, among other equally credible items! One paper had even stated that he had gone into a monastery and become a monk, in horror at his brother's crime. Another contradicted this, and stated that he and his elder, Father Zossima, had broken into the monastery chest and &#8220;made tracks from the monastery.&#8221; The present paragraph in the paper &lt;i&gt;Gossip&lt;/i&gt; was under the heading, &#8220;The Karamazov Case at Skotoprigonyevsk.&#8221; (That, alas! was the name of our little town. I had hitherto kept it concealed.) It was brief, and Madame Hohlakov was not directly mentioned in it. No names appeared, in fact. It was merely stated that the criminal, whose approaching trial was making such a sensation&#8212;retired army captain, an idle swaggerer, and reactionary bully&#8212;was continually involved in amorous intrigues, and particularly popular with certain ladies &#8220;who were pining in solitude.&#8221; One such lady, a pining widow, who tried to seem young though she had a grown-up daughter, was so fascinated by him that only two hours before the crime she offered him three thousand roubles, on condition that he would elope with her to the gold mines. But the criminal, counting on escaping punishment, had preferred to murder his father to get the three thousand rather than go off to Siberia with the middle-aged charms of his pining lady. This playful paragraph finished, of course, with an outburst of generous indignation at the wickedness of parricide and at the lately abolished institution of serfdom. Reading it with curiosity, Alyosha folded up the paper and handed it back to Madame Hohlakov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, that must be me,&#8221; she hurried on again. &#8220;Of course I am meant. Scarcely more than an hour before, I suggested gold mines to him, and here they talk of &#8216;middle-aged charms' as though that were my motive! He writes that out of spite! God Almighty forgive him for the middle-aged charms, as I forgive him! You know it's&#8212; Do you know who it is? It's your friend Rakitin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps,&#8221; said Alyosha, &#8220;though I've heard nothing about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's he, it's he! No &#8216;perhaps' about it. You know I turned him out of the house.... You know all that story, don't you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know that you asked him not to visit you for the future, but why it was, I haven't heard ... from you, at least.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, then you've heard it from him! He abuses me, I suppose, abuses me dreadfully?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he does; but then he abuses every one. But why you've given him up I haven't heard from him either. I meet him very seldom now, indeed. We are not friends.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, then, I'll tell you all about it. There's no help for it, I'll confess, for there is one point in which I was perhaps to blame. Only a little, little point, so little that perhaps it doesn't count. You see, my dear boy&#8221;&#8212;Madame Hohlakov suddenly looked arch and a charming, though enigmatic, smile played about her lips&#8212;&#8220;you see, I suspect ... You must forgive me, Alyosha. I am like a mother to you.... No, no; quite the contrary. I speak to you now as though you were my father&#8212;mother's quite out of place. Well, it's as though I were confessing to Father Zossima, that's just it. I called you a monk just now. Well, that poor young man, your friend, Rakitin (Mercy on us! I can't be angry with him. I feel cross, but not very), that frivolous young man, would you believe it, seems to have taken it into his head to fall in love with me. I only noticed it later. At first&#8212;a month ago&#8212;he only began to come oftener to see me, almost every day; though, of course, we were acquainted before. I knew nothing about it ... and suddenly it dawned upon me, and I began to notice things with surprise. You know, two months ago, that modest, charming, excellent young man, Pyotr Ilyitch Perhotin, who's in the service here, began to be a regular visitor at the house. You met him here ever so many times yourself. And he is an excellent, earnest young man, isn't he? He comes once every three days, not every day (though I should be glad to see him every day), and always so well dressed. Altogether, I love young people, Alyosha, talented, modest, like you, and he has almost the mind of a statesman, he talks so charmingly, and I shall certainly, certainly try and get promotion for him. He is a future diplomat. On that awful day he almost saved me from death by coming in the night. And your friend Rakitin comes in such boots, and always stretches them out on the carpet.... He began hinting at his feelings, in fact, and one day, as he was going, he squeezed my hand terribly hard. My foot began to swell directly after he pressed my hand like that. He had met Pyotr Ilyitch here before, and would you believe it, he is always gibing at him, growling at him, for some reason. I simply looked at the way they went on together and laughed inwardly. So I was sitting here alone&#8212;no, I was laid up then. Well, I was lying here alone and suddenly Rakitin comes in, and only fancy! brought me some verses of his own composition&#8212;a short poem, on my bad foot: that is, he described my foot in a poem. Wait a minute&#8212;how did it go?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;A captivating little foot.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It began somehow like that. I can never remember poetry. I've got it here. I'll show it to you later. But it's a charming thing&#8212;charming; and, you know, it's not only about the foot, it had a good moral, too, a charming idea, only I've forgotten it; in fact, it was just the thing for an album. So, of course, I thanked him, and he was evidently flattered. I'd hardly had time to thank him when in comes Pyotr Ilyitch, and Rakitin suddenly looked as black as night. I could see that Pyotr Ilyitch was in the way, for Rakitin certainly wanted to say something after giving me the verses. I had a presentiment of it; but Pyotr Ilyitch came in. I showed Pyotr Ilyitch the verses and didn't say who was the author. But I am convinced that he guessed, though he won't own it to this day, and declares he had no idea. But he says that on purpose. Pyotr Ilyitch began to laugh at once, and fell to criticizing it. &#8216;Wretched doggerel,' he said they were, &#8216;some divinity student must have written them,' and with such vehemence, such vehemence! Then, instead of laughing, your friend flew into a rage. &#8216;Good gracious!' I thought, &#8216;they'll fly at each other.' &#8216;It was I who wrote them,' said he. &#8216;I wrote them as a joke,' he said, &#8216;for I think it degrading to write verses.... But they are good poetry. They want to put a monument to your Pushkin for writing about women's feet, while I wrote with a moral purpose, and you,' said he, &#8216;are an advocate of serfdom. You've no humane ideas,' said he. &#8216;You have no modern enlightened feelings, you are uninfluenced by progress, you are a mere official,' he said, &#8216;and you take bribes.' Then I began screaming and imploring them. And, you know, Pyotr Ilyitch is anything but a coward. He at once took up the most gentlemanly tone, looked at him sarcastically, listened, and apologized. &#8216;I'd no idea,' said he. &#8216;I shouldn't have said it, if I had known. I should have praised it. Poets are all so irritable,' he said. In short, he laughed at him under cover of the most gentlemanly tone. He explained to me afterwards that it was all sarcastic. I thought he was in earnest. Only as I lay there, just as before you now, I thought, &#8216;Would it, or would it not, be the proper thing for me to turn Rakitin out for shouting so rudely at a visitor in my house?' And, would you believe it, I lay here, shut my eyes, and wondered, would it be the proper thing or not. I kept worrying and worrying, and my heart began to beat, and I couldn't make up my mind whether to make an outcry or not. One voice seemed to be telling me, &#8216;Speak,' and the other &#8216;No, don't speak.' And no sooner had the second voice said that than I cried out, and fainted. Of course, there was a fuss. I got up suddenly and said to Rakitin, &#8216;It's painful for me to say it, but I don't wish to see you in my house again.' So I turned him out. Ah! Alexey Fyodorovitch, I know myself I did wrong. I was putting it on. I wasn't angry with him at all, really; but I suddenly fancied&#8212;that was what did it&#8212;that it would be such a fine scene.... And yet, believe me, it was quite natural, for I really shed tears and cried for several days afterwards, and then suddenly, one afternoon, I forgot all about it. So it's a fortnight since he's been here, and I kept wondering whether he would come again. I wondered even yesterday, then suddenly last night came this &lt;i&gt;Gossip&lt;/i&gt;. I read it and gasped. Who could have written it? He must have written it. He went home, sat down, wrote it on the spot, sent it, and they put it in. It was a fortnight ago, you see. But, Alyosha, it's awful how I keep talking and don't say what I want to say. Ah! the words come of themselves!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's very important for me to be in time to see my brother to-day,&#8221; Alyosha faltered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be sure, to be sure! You bring it all back to me. Listen, what is an aberration?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What aberration?&#8221; asked Alyosha, wondering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the legal sense. An aberration in which everything is pardonable. Whatever you do, you will be acquitted at once.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll tell you. This Katya ... Ah! she is a charming, charming creature, only I never can make out who it is she is in love with. She was with me some time ago and I couldn't get anything out of her. Especially as she won't talk to me except on the surface now. She is always talking about my health and nothing else, and she takes up such a tone with me, too. I simply said to myself, &#8216;Well, so be it. I don't care'... Oh, yes. I was talking of aberration. This doctor has come. You know a doctor has come? Of course, you know it&#8212;the one who discovers madmen. You wrote for him. No, it wasn't you, but Katya. It's all Katya's doing. Well, you see, a man may be sitting perfectly sane and suddenly have an aberration. He may be conscious and know what he is doing and yet be in a state of aberration. And there's no doubt that Dmitri Fyodorovitch was suffering from aberration. They found out about aberration as soon as the law courts were reformed. It's all the good effect of the reformed law courts. The doctor has been here and questioned me about that evening, about the gold mines. &#8216;How did he seem then?' he asked me. He must have been in a state of aberration. He came in shouting, &#8216;Money, money, three thousand! Give me three thousand!' and then went away and immediately did the murder. &#8216;I don't want to murder him,' he said, and he suddenly went and murdered him. That's why they'll acquit him, because he struggled against it and yet he murdered him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But he didn't murder him,&#8221; Alyosha interrupted rather sharply. He felt more and more sick with anxiety and impatience.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I know it was that old man Grigory murdered him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Grigory?&#8221; cried Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes; it was Grigory. He lay as Dmitri Fyodorovitch struck him down, and then got up, saw the door open, went in and killed Fyodor Pavlovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why, why?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Suffering from aberration. When he recovered from the blow Dmitri Fyodorovitch gave him on the head, he was suffering from aberration; he went and committed the murder. As for his saying he didn't, he very likely doesn't remember. Only, you know, it'll be better, ever so much better, if Dmitri Fyodorovitch murdered him. And that's how it must have been, though I say it was Grigory. It certainly was Dmitri Fyodorovitch, and that's better, ever so much better! Oh! not better that a son should have killed his father, I don't defend that. Children ought to honor their parents, and yet it would be better if it were he, as you'd have nothing to cry over then, for he did it when he was unconscious or rather when he was conscious, but did not know what he was doing. Let them acquit him&#8212;that's so humane, and would show what a blessing reformed law courts are. I knew nothing about it, but they say they have been so a long time. And when I heard it yesterday, I was so struck by it that I wanted to send for you at once. And if he is acquitted, make him come straight from the law courts to dinner with me, and I'll have a party of friends, and we'll drink to the reformed law courts. I don't believe he'd be dangerous; besides, I'll invite a great many friends, so that he could always be led out if he did anything. And then he might be made a justice of the peace or something in another town, for those who have been in trouble themselves make the best judges. And, besides, who isn't suffering from aberration nowadays?&#8212;you, I, all of us are in a state of aberration, and there are ever so many examples of it: a man sits singing a song, suddenly something annoys him, he takes a pistol and shoots the first person he comes across, and no one blames him for it. I read that lately, and all the doctors confirm it. The doctors are always confirming; they confirm anything. Why, my Lise is in a state of aberration. She made me cry again yesterday, and the day before, too, and to-day I suddenly realized that it's all due to aberration. Oh, Lise grieves me so! I believe she's quite mad. Why did she send for you? Did she send for you or did you come of yourself?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, she sent for me, and I am just going to her.&#8221; Alyosha got up resolutely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, my dear, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, perhaps that's what's most important,&#8221; Madame Hohlakov cried, suddenly bursting into tears. &#8220;God knows I trust Lise to you with all my heart, and it's no matter her sending for you on the sly, without telling her mother. But forgive me, I can't trust my daughter so easily to your brother Ivan Fyodorovitch, though I still consider him the most chivalrous young man. But only fancy, he's been to see Lise and I knew nothing about it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How? What? When?&#8221; Alyosha was exceedingly surprised. He had not sat down again and listened standing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will tell you; that's perhaps why I asked you to come, for I don't know now why I did ask you to come. Well, Ivan Fyodorovitch has been to see me twice, since he came back from Moscow. First time he came as a friend to call on me, and the second time Katya was here and he came because he heard she was here. I didn't, of course, expect him to come often, knowing what a lot he has to do as it is, &lt;i&gt;vous comprenez, cette affaire et la mort terrible de votre papa&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb30&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;vous comprenez, cette affaire et la mort terrible de votre papa &#8211; you (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh30&#034;&gt;30&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. But I suddenly heard he'd been here again, not to see me but to see Lise. That's six days ago now. He came, stayed five minutes, and went away. And I didn't hear of it till three days afterwards, from Glafira, so it was a great shock to me. I sent for Lise directly. She laughed. &#8216;He thought you were asleep,' she said, &#8216;and came in to me to ask after your health.' Of course, that's how it happened. But Lise, Lise, mercy on us, how she distresses me! Would you believe it, one night, four days ago, just after you saw her last time, and had gone away, she suddenly had a fit, screaming, shrieking, hysterics! Why is it I never have hysterics? Then, next day another fit, and the same thing on the third, and yesterday too, and then yesterday that aberration. She suddenly screamed out, &#8216;I hate Ivan Fyodorovitch. I insist on your never letting him come to the house again.' I was struck dumb at these amazing words, and answered, &#8216;On what grounds could I refuse to see such an excellent young man, a young man of such learning too, and so unfortunate?'&#8212;for all this business is a misfortune, isn't it? She suddenly burst out laughing at my words, and so rudely, you know. Well, I was pleased; I thought I had amused her and the fits would pass off, especially as I wanted to refuse to see Ivan Fyodorovitch anyway on account of his strange visits without my knowledge, and meant to ask him for an explanation. But early this morning Lise waked up and flew into a passion with Yulia and, would you believe it, slapped her in the face. That's monstrous; I am always polite to my servants. And an hour later she was hugging Yulia's feet and kissing them. She sent a message to me that she wasn't coming to me at all, and would never come and see me again, and when I dragged myself down to her, she rushed to kiss me, crying, and as she kissed me, she pushed me out of the room without saying a word, so I couldn't find out what was the matter. Now, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, I rest all my hopes on you, and, of course, my whole life is in your hands. I simply beg you to go to Lise and find out everything from her, as you alone can, and come back and tell me&#8212;me, her mother, for you understand it will be the death of me, simply the death of me, if this goes on, or else I shall run away. I can stand no more. I have patience; but I may lose patience, and then ... then something awful will happen. Ah, dear me! At last, Pyotr Ilyitch!&#8221; cried Madame Hohlakov, beaming all over as she saw Perhotin enter the room. &#8220;You are late, you are late! Well, sit down, speak, put us out of suspense. What does the counsel say. Where are you off to, Alexey Fyodorovitch?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To Lise.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes. You won't forget, you won't forget what I asked you? It's a question of life and death!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course, I won't forget, if I can ... but I am so late,&#8221; muttered Alyosha, beating a hasty retreat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, be sure, be sure to come in; don't say &#8216;If you can.' I shall die if you don't,&#8221; Madame Hohlakov called after him, but Alyosha had already left the room.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III. A LITTLE DEMON&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Going in to Lise, he found her half reclining in the invalid-chair, in which she had been wheeled when she was unable to walk. She did not move to meet him, but her sharp, keen eyes were simply riveted on his face. There was a feverish look in her eyes, her face was pale and yellow. Alyosha was amazed at the change that had taken place in her in three days. She was positively thinner. She did not hold out her hand to him. He touched the thin, long fingers which lay motionless on her dress, then he sat down facing her, without a word.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know you are in a hurry to get to the prison,&#8221; Lise said curtly, &#8220;and mamma's kept you there for hours; she's just been telling you about me and Yulia.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you know?&#8221; asked Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've been listening. Why do you stare at me? I want to listen and I do listen, there's no harm in that. I don't apologize.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are upset about something?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;On the contrary, I am very happy. I've only just been reflecting for the thirtieth time what a good thing it is I refused you and shall not be your wife. You are not fit to be a husband. If I were to marry you and give you a note to take to the man I loved after you, you'd take it and be sure to give it to him and bring an answer back, too. If you were forty, you would still go on taking my love-letters for me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She suddenly laughed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is something spiteful and yet open-hearted about you,&#8221; Alyosha smiled to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The open-heartedness consists in my not being ashamed of myself with you. What's more, I don't want to feel ashamed with you, just with you. Alyosha, why is it I don't respect you? I am very fond of you, but I don't respect you. If I respected you, I shouldn't talk to you without shame, should I?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But do you believe that I am not ashamed with you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I don't believe it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lise laughed nervously again; she spoke rapidly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I sent your brother, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, some sweets in prison. Alyosha, you know, you are quite pretty! I shall love you awfully for having so quickly allowed me not to love you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why did you send for me to-day, Lise?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I wanted to tell you of a longing I have. I should like some one to torture me, marry me and then torture me, deceive me and go away. I don't want to be happy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are in love with disorder?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I want disorder. I keep wanting to set fire to the house. I keep imagining how I'll creep up and set fire to the house on the sly; it must be on the sly. They'll try to put it out, but it'll go on burning. And I shall know and say nothing. Ah, what silliness! And how bored I am!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She waved her hand with a look of repulsion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's your luxurious life,&#8221; said Alyosha, softly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is it better, then, to be poor?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it is better.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's what your monk taught you. That's not true. Let me be rich and all the rest poor, I'll eat sweets and drink cream and not give any to anyone else. Ach, don't speak, don't say anything,&#8221; she shook her hand at him, though Alyosha had not opened his mouth. &#8220;You've told me all that before, I know it all by heart. It bores me. If I am ever poor, I shall murder somebody, and even if I am rich, I may murder some one, perhaps&#8212;why do nothing! But do you know, I should like to reap, cut the rye? I'll marry you, and you shall become a peasant, a real peasant; we'll keep a colt, shall we? Do you know Kalganov?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is always wandering about, dreaming. He says, &#8216;Why live in real life? It's better to dream. One can dream the most delightful things, but real life is a bore.' But he'll be married soon for all that; he's been making love to me already. Can you spin tops?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, he's just like a top: he wants to be wound up and set spinning and then to be lashed, lashed, lashed with a whip. If I marry him, I'll keep him spinning all his life. You are not ashamed to be with me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are awfully cross, because I don't talk about holy things. I don't want to be holy. What will they do to one in the next world for the greatest sin? You must know all about that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God will censure you.&#8221; Alyosha was watching her steadily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's just what I should like. I would go up and they would censure me, and I would burst out laughing in their faces. I should dreadfully like to set fire to the house, Alyosha, to our house; you still don't believe me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why? There are children of twelve years old, who have a longing to set fire to something and they do set things on fire, too. It's a sort of disease.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's not true, that's not true; there may be children, but that's not what I mean.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You take evil for good; it's a passing crisis, it's the result of your illness, perhaps.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You do despise me, though! It's simply that I don't want to do good, I want to do evil, and it has nothing to do with illness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why do evil?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So that everything might be destroyed. Ah, how nice it would be if everything were destroyed! You know, Alyosha, I sometimes think of doing a fearful lot of harm and everything bad, and I should do it for a long while on the sly and suddenly every one would find it out. Every one will stand round and point their fingers at me and I would look at them all. That would be awfully nice. Why would it be so nice, Alyosha?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know. It's a craving to destroy something good or, as you say, to set fire to something. It happens sometimes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I not only say it, I shall do it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I believe you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, how I love you for saying you believe me. And you are not lying one little bit. But perhaps you think that I am saying all this on purpose to annoy you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I don't think that ... though perhaps there is a little desire to do that in it, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is a little. I never can tell lies to you,&#8221; she declared, with a strange fire in her eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What struck Alyosha above everything was her earnestness. There was not a trace of humor or jesting in her face now, though, in old days, fun and gayety never deserted her even at her most &#8220;earnest&#8221; moments.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There are moments when people love crime,&#8221; said Alyosha thoughtfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes! You have uttered my thought; they love crime, every one loves crime, they love it always, not at some &#8216;moments.' You know, it's as though people have made an agreement to lie about it and have lied about it ever since. They all declare that they hate evil, but secretly they all love it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And are you still reading nasty books?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I am. Mamma reads them and hides them under her pillow and I steal them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aren't you ashamed to destroy yourself?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I want to destroy myself. There's a boy here, who lay down between the railway lines when the train was passing. Lucky fellow! Listen, your brother is being tried now for murdering his father and every one loves his having killed his father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Loves his having killed his father?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, loves it; every one loves it! Everybody says it's so awful, but secretly they simply love it. I for one love it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is some truth in what you say about every one,&#8221; said Alyosha softly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, what ideas you have!&#8221; Lise shrieked in delight. &#8220;And you a monk, too! You wouldn't believe how I respect you, Alyosha, for never telling lies. Oh, I must tell you a funny dream of mine. I sometimes dream of devils. It's night; I am in my room with a candle and suddenly there are devils all over the place, in all the corners, under the table, and they open the doors; there's a crowd of them behind the doors and they want to come and seize me. And they are just coming, just seizing me. But I suddenly cross myself and they all draw back, though they don't go away altogether, they stand at the doors and in the corners, waiting. And suddenly I have a frightful longing to revile God aloud, and so I begin, and then they come crowding back to me, delighted, and seize me again and I cross myself again and they all draw back. It's awful fun. it takes one's breath away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've had the same dream, too,&#8221; said Alyosha suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Really?&#8221; cried Lise, surprised. &#8220;I say, Alyosha, don't laugh, that's awfully important. Could two different people have the same dream?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It seems they can.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, I tell you, it's awfully important,&#8221; Lise went on, with really excessive amazement. &#8220;It's not the dream that's important, but your having the same dream as me. You never lie to me, don't lie now: is it true? You are not laughing?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's true.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Lise seemed extraordinarily impressed and for half a minute she was silent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, come and see me, come and see me more often,&#8221; she said suddenly, in a supplicating voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll always come to see you, all my life,&#8221; answered Alyosha firmly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are the only person I can talk to, you know,&#8221; Lise began again. &#8220;I talk to no one but myself and you. Only you in the whole world. And to you more readily than to myself. And I am not a bit ashamed with you, not a bit. Alyosha, why am I not ashamed with you, not a bit? Alyosha, is it true that at Easter the Jews steal a child and kill it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's a book here in which I read about the trial of a Jew, who took a child of four years old and cut off the fingers from both hands, and then crucified him on the wall, hammered nails into him and crucified him, and afterwards, when he was tried, he said that the child died soon, within four hours. That was &#8216;soon'! He said the child moaned, kept on moaning and he stood admiring it. That's nice!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nice?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nice; I sometimes imagine that it was I who crucified him. He would hang there moaning and I would sit opposite him eating pineapple &lt;i&gt;compote&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb31&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;compote &#8211; sauce&#034; id=&#034;nh31&#034;&gt;31&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. I am awfully fond of pineapple &lt;i&gt;compote&lt;/i&gt;. Do you like it?&#8221; ]&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha looked at her in silence. Her pale, sallow face was suddenly contorted, her eyes burned.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know, when I read about that Jew I shook with sobs all night. I kept fancying how the little thing cried and moaned (a child of four years old understands, you know), and all the while the thought of pineapple &lt;i&gt;compote&lt;/i&gt; haunted me. In the morning I wrote a letter to a certain person, begging him &lt;i&gt;particularly&lt;/i&gt; to come and see me. He came and I suddenly told him all about the child and the pineapple &lt;i&gt;compote&lt;/i&gt;. &lt;i&gt;All&lt;/i&gt; about it, &lt;i&gt;all&lt;/i&gt;, and said that it was nice. He laughed and said it really was nice. Then he got up and went away. He was only here five minutes. Did he despise me? Did he despise me? Tell me, tell me, Alyosha, did he despise me or not?&#8221; She sat up on the couch, with flashing eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me,&#8221; Alyosha asked anxiously, &#8220;did you send for that person?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I did.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did you send him a letter?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Simply to ask about that, about that child?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, not about that at all. But when he came, I asked him about that at once. He answered, laughed, got up and went away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That person behaved honorably,&#8221; Alyosha murmured.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And did he despise me? Did he laugh at me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, for perhaps he believes in the pineapple &lt;i&gt;compote&lt;/i&gt; himself. He is very ill now, too, Lise.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he does believe in it,&#8221; said Lise, with flashing eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He doesn't despise any one,&#8221; Alyosha went on. &#8220;Only he does not believe any one. If he doesn't believe in people, of course, he does despise them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then he despises me, me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good,&#8221; Lise seemed to grind her teeth. &#8220;When he went out laughing, I felt that it was nice to be despised. The child with fingers cut off is nice, and to be despised is nice....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And she laughed in Alyosha's face, a feverish malicious laugh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know, Alyosha, do you know, I should like&#8212;Alyosha, save me!&#8221; She suddenly jumped from the couch, rushed to him and seized him with both hands. &#8220;Save me!&#8221; she almost groaned. &#8220;Is there anyone in the world I could tell what I've told you? I've told you the truth, the truth. I shall kill myself, because I loathe everything! I don't want to live, because I loathe everything! I loathe everything, everything. Alyosha, why don't you love me in the least?&#8221; she finished in a frenzy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I do love you!&#8221; answered Alyosha warmly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And will you weep over me, will you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not because I won't be your wife, but simply weep for me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank you! It's only your tears I want. Every one else may punish me and trample me under foot, everyone, everyone, not excepting &lt;i&gt;anyone&lt;/i&gt;. For I don't love anyone. Do you hear, not &lt;i&gt;anyone&lt;/i&gt;! On the contrary, I hate him! Go, Alyosha; it's time you went to your brother&#8221;; she tore herself away from him suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How can I leave you like this?&#8221; said Alyosha, almost in alarm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go to your brother, the prison will be shut; go, here's your hat. Give my love to Mitya, go, go!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And she almost forcibly pushed Alyosha out of the door. He looked at her with pained surprise, when he was suddenly aware of a letter in his right hand, a tiny letter folded up tight and sealed. He glanced at it and instantly read the address, &#8220;To Ivan Fyodorovitch Karamazov.&#8221; He looked quickly at Lise. Her face had become almost menacing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give it to him, you must give it to him!&#8221; she ordered him, trembling and beside herself. &#8220;To-day, at once, or I'll poison myself! That's why I sent for you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And she slammed the door quickly. The bolt clicked. Alyosha put the note in his pocket and went straight downstairs, without going back to Madame Hohlakov; forgetting her, in fact. As soon as Alyosha had gone, Lise unbolted the door, opened it a little, put her finger in the crack and slammed the door with all her might, pinching her finger. Ten seconds after, releasing her finger, she walked softly, slowly to her chair, sat up straight in it and looked intently at her blackened finger and at the blood that oozed from under the nail. Her lips were quivering and she kept whispering rapidly to herself:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am a wretch, wretch, wretch, wretch!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV. A HYMN AND A SECRET&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It was quite late (days are short in November) when Alyosha rang at the prison gate. It was beginning to get dusk. But Alyosha knew that he would be admitted without difficulty. Things were managed in our little town, as everywhere else. At first, of course, on the conclusion of the preliminary inquiry, relations and a few other persons could only obtain interviews with Mitya by going through certain inevitable formalities. But later, though the formalities were not relaxed, exceptions were made for some, at least, of Mitya's visitors. So much so, that sometimes the interviews with the prisoner in the room set aside for the purpose were practically &lt;i&gt;t&#234;te-&#224;-t&#234;te&lt;/i&gt;.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
These exceptions, however, were few in number; only Grushenka, Alyosha and Rakitin were treated like this. But the captain of the police, Mihail Mihailovitch, was very favorably disposed to Grushenka. His abuse of her at Mokroe weighed on the old man's conscience, and when he learned the whole story, he completely changed his view of her. And strange to say, though he was firmly persuaded of his guilt, yet after Mitya was once in prison, the old man came to take a more and more lenient view of him. &#8220;He was a man of good heart, perhaps,&#8221; he thought, &#8220;who had come to grief from drinking and dissipation.&#8221; His first horror had been succeeded by pity. As for Alyosha, the police captain was very fond of him and had known him for a long time. Rakitin, who had of late taken to coming very often to see the prisoner, was one of the most intimate acquaintances of the &#8220;police captain's young ladies,&#8221; as he called them, and was always hanging about their house. He gave lessons in the house of the prison superintendent, too, who, though scrupulous in the performance of his duties, was a kind-hearted old man. Alyosha, again, had an intimate acquaintance of long standing with the superintendent, who was fond of talking to him, generally on sacred subjects. He respected Ivan Fyodorovitch, and stood in awe of his opinion, though he was a great philosopher himself; &#8220;self-taught,&#8221; of course. But Alyosha had an irresistible attraction for him. During the last year the old man had taken to studying the Apocryphal Gospels, and constantly talked over his impressions with his young friend. He used to come and see him in the monastery and discussed for hours together with him and with the monks. So even if Alyosha were late at the prison, he had only to go to the superintendent and everything was made easy. Besides, every one in the prison, down to the humblest warder, had grown used to Alyosha. The sentry, of course, did not trouble him so long as the authorities were satisfied.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Mitya was summoned from his cell, he always went downstairs, to the place set aside for interviews. As Alyosha entered the room he came upon Rakitin, who was just taking leave of Mitya. They were both talking loudly. Mitya was laughing heartily as he saw him out, while Rakitin seemed grumbling. Rakitin did not like meeting Alyosha, especially of late. He scarcely spoke to him, and bowed to him stiffly. Seeing Alyosha enter now, he frowned and looked away, as though he were entirely absorbed in buttoning his big, warm, fur-trimmed overcoat. Then he began looking at once for his umbrella.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must mind not to forget my belongings,&#8221; he muttered, simply to say something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mind you don't forget other people's belongings,&#8221; said Mitya, as a joke, and laughed at once at his own wit. Rakitin fired up instantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'd better give that advice to your own family, who've always been a slave-driving lot, and not to Rakitin,&#8221; he cried, suddenly trembling with anger.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's the matter? I was joking,&#8221; cried Mitya. &#8220;Damn it all! They are all like that,&#8221; he turned to Alyosha, nodding towards Rakitin's hurriedly retreating figure. &#8220;He was sitting here, laughing and cheerful, and all at once he boils up like that. He didn't even nod to you. Have you broken with him completely? Why are you so late? I've not been simply waiting, but thirsting for you the whole morning. But never mind. We'll make up for it now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why does he come here so often? Surely you are not such great friends?&#8221; asked Alyosha. He, too, nodded at the door through which Rakitin had disappeared.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Great friends with Rakitin? No, not as much as that. Is it likely&#8212;a pig like that? He considers I am ... a blackguard. They can't understand a joke either, that's the worst of such people. They never understand a joke, and their souls are dry, dry and flat; they remind me of prison walls when I was first brought here. But he is a clever fellow, very clever. Well, Alexey, it's all over with me now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sat down on the bench and made Alyosha sit down beside him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, the trial's to-morrow. Are you so hopeless, brother?&#8221; Alyosha said, with an apprehensive feeling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you talking about?&#8221; said Mitya, looking at him rather uncertainly. &#8220;Oh, you mean the trial! Damn it all! Till now we've been talking of things that don't matter, about this trial, but I haven't said a word to you about the chief thing. Yes, the trial is to-morrow; but it wasn't the trial I meant, when I said it was all over with me. Why do you look at me so critically?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean, Mitya?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ideas, ideas, that's all! Ethics! What is ethics?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ethics?&#8221; asked Alyosha, wondering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; is it a science?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, there is such a science ... but ... I confess I can't explain to you what sort of science it is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Rakitin knows. Rakitin knows a lot, damn him! He's not going to be a monk. He means to go to Petersburg. There he'll go in for criticism of an elevating tendency. Who knows, he may be of use and make his own career, too. Ough! they are first-rate, these people, at making a career! Damn ethics, I am done for, Alexey, I am, you man of God! I love you more than any one. It makes my heart yearn to look at you. Who was Karl Bernard?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Karl Bernard?&#8221; Alyosha was surprised again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, not Karl. Stay, I made a mistake. Claude Bernard. What was he? Chemist or what?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He must be a savant,&#8221; answered Alyosha; &#8220;but I confess I can't tell you much about him, either. I've heard of him as a savant, but what sort I don't know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, damn him, then! I don't know either,&#8221; swore Mitya. &#8220;A scoundrel of some sort, most likely. They are all scoundrels. And Rakitin will make his way. Rakitin will get on anywhere; he is another Bernard. Ugh, these Bernards! They are all over the place.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what is the matter?&#8221; Alyosha asked insistently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He wants to write an article about me, about my case, and so begin his literary career. That's what he comes for; he said so himself. He wants to prove some theory. He wants to say &#8216;he couldn't help murdering his father, he was corrupted by his environment,' and so on. He explained it all to me. He is going to put in a tinge of Socialism, he says. But there, damn the fellow, he can put in a tinge if he likes, I don't care. He can't bear Ivan, he hates him. He's not fond of you, either. But I don't turn him out, for he is a clever fellow. Awfully conceited, though. I said to him just now, &#8216;The Karamazovs are not blackguards, but philosophers; for all true Russians are philosophers, and though you've studied, you are not a philosopher&#8212;you are a low fellow.' He laughed, so maliciously. And I said to him, &#8216;&lt;i&gt;De ideabus non est disputandum&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb32&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;De ideabus non est disputandum &#8211; there's no need to argue about ideas&#034; id=&#034;nh32&#034;&gt;32&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.' Isn't that rather good? I can set up for being a classic, you see!&#8221; Mitya laughed suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why is it all over with you? You said so just now,&#8221; Alyosha interposed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why is it all over with me? H'm!... The fact of it is ... if you take it as a whole, I am sorry to lose God&#8212;that's why it is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean by &#8216;sorry to lose God'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Imagine: inside, in the nerves, in the head&#8212;that is, these nerves are there in the brain ... (damn them!) there are sort of little tails, the little tails of those nerves, and as soon as they begin quivering ... that is, you see, I look at something with my eyes and then they begin quivering, those little tails ... and when they quiver, then an image appears ... it doesn't appear at once, but an instant, a second, passes ... and then something like a moment appears; that is, not a moment&#8212;devil take the moment!&#8212;but an image; that is, an object, or an action, damn it! That's why I see and then think, because of those tails, not at all because I've got a soul, and that I am some sort of image and likeness. All that is nonsense! Rakitin explained it all to me yesterday, brother, and it simply bowled me over. It's magnificent, Alyosha, this science! A new man's arising&#8212;that I understand.... And yet I am sorry to lose God!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, that's a good thing, anyway,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That I am sorry to lose God? It's chemistry, brother, chemistry! There's no help for it, your reverence, you must make way for chemistry. And Rakitin does dislike God. Ough! doesn't he dislike Him! That's the sore point with all of them. But they conceal it. They tell lies. They pretend. &#8216;Will you preach this in your reviews?' I asked him. &#8216;Oh, well, if I did it openly, they won't let it through,' he said. He laughed. &#8216;But what will become of men then?' I asked him, &#8216;without God and immortal life? All things are lawful then, they can do what they like?' &#8216;Didn't you know?' he said laughing, &#8216;a clever man can do what he likes,' he said. &#8216;A clever man knows his way about, but you've put your foot in it, committing a murder, and now you are rotting in prison.' He says that to my face! A regular pig! I used to kick such people out, but now I listen to them. He talks a lot of sense, too. Writes well. He began reading me an article last week. I copied out three lines of it. Wait a minute. Here it is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya hurriedly pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and read:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;In order to determine this question, it is above all essential to put one's personality in contradiction to one's reality.' Do you understand that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I don't,&#8221; said Alyosha. He looked at Mitya and listened to him with curiosity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't understand either. It's dark and obscure, but intellectual. &#8216;Every one writes like that now,' he says, &#8216;it's the effect of their environment.' They are afraid of the environment. He writes poetry, too, the rascal. He's written in honor of Madame Hohlakov's foot. Ha ha ha!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've heard about it,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you? And have you heard the poem?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've got it. Here it is. I'll read it to you. You don't know&#8212;I haven't told you&#8212;there's quite a story about it. He's a rascal! Three weeks ago he began to tease me. &#8216;You've got yourself into a mess, like a fool, for the sake of three thousand, but I'm going to collar a hundred and fifty thousand. I am going to marry a widow and buy a house in Petersburg.' And he told me he was courting Madame Hohlakov. She hadn't much brains in her youth, and now at forty she has lost what she had. &#8216;But she's awfully sentimental,' he says; &#8216;that's how I shall get hold of her. When I marry her, I shall take her to Petersburg and there I shall start a newspaper.' And his mouth was simply watering, the beast, not for the widow, but for the hundred and fifty thousand. And he made me believe it. He came to see me every day. &#8216;She is coming round,' he declared. He was beaming with delight. And then, all of a sudden, he was turned out of the house. Perhotin's carrying everything before him, bravo! I could kiss the silly old noodle for turning him out of the house. And he had written this doggerel. &#8216;It's the first time I've soiled my hands with writing poetry,' he said. &#8216;It's to win her heart, so it's in a good cause. When I get hold of the silly woman's fortune, I can be of great social utility.' They have this social justification for every nasty thing they do! &#8216;Anyway it's better than your Pushkin's poetry,' he said, &#8216;for I've managed to advocate enlightenment even in that.' I understand what he means about Pushkin, I quite see that, if he really was a man of talent and only wrote about women's feet. But wasn't Rakitin stuck up about his doggerel! The vanity of these fellows! &#8216;On the convalescence of the swollen foot of the object of my affections'&#8212;he thought of that for a title. He's a waggish fellow.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;A captivating little foot,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though swollen and red and tender!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The doctors come and plasters put,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But still they cannot mend her.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Yet, 'tis not for her foot I dread&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A theme for Pushkin's muse more fit&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It's not her foot, it is her head:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I tremble for her loss of wit!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;For as her foot swells, strange to say,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her intellect is on the wane&#8212;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Oh, for some remedy I pray&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That may restore both foot and brain!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;He is a pig, a regular pig, but he's very arch, the rascal! And he really has put in a progressive idea. And wasn't he angry when she kicked him out! He was gnashing his teeth!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's taken his revenge already,&#8221; said Alyosha. &#8220;He's written a paragraph about Madame Hohlakov.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Alyosha told him briefly about the paragraph in &lt;i&gt;Gossip&lt;/i&gt;.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's his doing, that's his doing!&#8221; Mitya assented, frowning. &#8220;That's him! These paragraphs ... I know ... the insulting things that have been written about Grushenka, for instance.... And about Katya, too.... H'm!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He walked across the room with a harassed air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother, I cannot stay long,&#8221; Alyosha said, after a pause. &#8220;To-morrow will be a great and awful day for you, the judgment of God will be accomplished ... I am amazed at you, you walk about here, talking of I don't know what ...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, don't be amazed at me,&#8221; Mitya broke in warmly. &#8220;Am I to talk of that stinking dog? Of the murderer? We've talked enough of him. I don't want to say more of the stinking son of Stinking Lizaveta! God will kill him, you will see. Hush!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He went up to Alyosha excitedly and kissed him. His eyes glowed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Rakitin wouldn't understand it,&#8221; he began in a sort of exaltation; &#8220;but you, you'll understand it all. That's why I was thirsting for you. You see, there's so much I've been wanting to tell you for ever so long, here, within these peeling walls, but I haven't said a word about what matters most; the moment never seems to have come. Now I can wait no longer. I must pour out my heart to you. Brother, these last two months I've found in myself a new man. A new man has risen up in me. He was hidden in me, but would never have come to the surface, if it hadn't been for this blow from heaven. I am afraid! And what do I care if I spend twenty years in the mines, breaking ore with a hammer? I am not a bit afraid of that&#8212;it's something else I am afraid of now: that that new man may leave me. Even there, in the mines, under-ground, I may find a human heart in another convict and murderer by my side, and I may make friends with him, for even there one may live and love and suffer. One may thaw and revive a frozen heart in that convict, one may wait upon him for years, and at last bring up from the dark depths a lofty soul, a feeling, suffering creature; one may bring forth an angel, create a hero! There are so many of them, hundreds of them, and we are all to blame for them. Why was it I dreamed of that &#8216;babe' at such a moment? &#8216;Why is the babe so poor?' That was a sign to me at that moment. It's for the babe I'm going. Because we are all responsible for all. For all the &#8216;babes,' for there are big children as well as little children. All are &#8216;babes.' I go for all, because some one must go for all. I didn't kill father, but I've got to go. I accept it. It's all come to me here, here, within these peeling walls. There are numbers of them there, hundreds of them underground, with hammers in their hands. Oh, yes, we shall be in chains and there will be no freedom, but then, in our great sorrow, we shall rise again to joy, without which man cannot live nor God exist, for God gives joy: it's His privilege&#8212;a grand one. Ah, man should be dissolved in prayer! What should I be underground there without God? Rakitin's laughing! If they drive God from the earth, we shall shelter Him underground. One cannot exist in prison without God; it's even more impossible than out of prison. And then we men underground will sing from the bowels of the earth a glorious hymn to God, with Whom is joy. Hail to God and His joy! I love Him!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya was almost gasping for breath as he uttered his wild speech. He turned pale, his lips quivered, and tears rolled down his cheeks.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, life is full, there is life even underground,&#8221; he began again. &#8220;You wouldn't believe, Alexey, how I want to live now, what a thirst for existence and consciousness has sprung up in me within these peeling walls. Rakitin doesn't understand that; all he cares about is building a house and letting flats. But I've been longing for you. And what is suffering? I am not afraid of it, even if it were beyond reckoning. I am not afraid of it now. I was afraid of it before. Do you know, perhaps I won't answer at the trial at all.... And I seem to have such strength in me now, that I think I could stand anything, any suffering, only to be able to say and to repeat to myself every moment, &#8216;I exist.' In thousands of agonies&#8212;I exist. I'm tormented on the rack&#8212;but I exist! Though I sit alone on a pillar&#8212;I exist! I see the sun, and if I don't see the sun, I know it's there. And there's a whole life in that, in knowing that the sun is there. Alyosha, my angel, all these philosophies are the death of me. Damn them! Brother Ivan&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What of brother Ivan?&#8221; interrupted Alyosha, but Mitya did not hear.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see, I never had any of these doubts before, but it was all hidden away in me. It was perhaps just because ideas I did not understand were surging up in me, that I used to drink and fight and rage. It was to stifle them in myself, to still them, to smother them. Ivan is not Rakitin, there is an idea in him. Ivan is a sphinx and is silent; he is always silent. It's God that's worrying me. That's the only thing that's worrying me. What if He doesn't exist? What if Rakitin's right&#8212;that it's an idea made up by men? Then if He doesn't exist, man is the chief of the earth, of the universe. Magnificent! Only how is he going to be good without God? That's the question. I always come back to that. For whom is man going to love then? To whom will he be thankful? To whom will he sing the hymn? Rakitin laughs. Rakitin says that one can love humanity without God. Well, only a sniveling idiot can maintain that. I can't understand it. Life's easy for Rakitin. &#8216;You'd better think about the extension of civic rights, or even of keeping down the price of meat. You will show your love for humanity more simply and directly by that, than by philosophy.' I answered him, &#8216;Well, but you, without a God, are more likely to raise the price of meat, if it suits you, and make a rouble on every copeck.' He lost his temper. But after all, what is goodness? Answer me that, Alexey. Goodness is one thing with me and another with a Chinaman, so it's a relative thing. Or isn't it? Is it not relative? A treacherous question! You won't laugh if I tell you it's kept me awake two nights. I only wonder now how people can live and think nothing about it. Vanity! Ivan has no God. He has an idea. It's beyond me. But he is silent. I believe he is a free-mason. I asked him, but he is silent. I wanted to drink from the springs of his soul&#8212;he was silent. But once he did drop a word.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What did he say?&#8221; Alyosha took it up quickly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I said to him, &#8216;Then everything is lawful, if it is so?' He frowned. &#8216;Fyodor Pavlovitch, our papa,' he said, &#8216;was a pig, but his ideas were right enough.' That was what he dropped. That was all he said. That was going one better than Rakitin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; Alyosha assented bitterly. &#8220;When was he with you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of that later; now I must speak of something else. I have said nothing about Ivan to you before. I put it off to the last. When my business here is over and the verdict has been given, then I'll tell you something. I'll tell you everything. We've something tremendous on hand.... And you shall be my judge in it. But don't begin about that now; be silent. You talk of to-morrow, of the trial; but, would you believe it, I know nothing about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you talked to the counsel?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's the use of the counsel? I told him all about it. He's a soft, city-bred rogue&#8212;a Bernard! But he doesn't believe me&#8212;not a bit of it. Only imagine, he believes I did it. I see it. &#8216;In that case,' I asked him, &#8216;why have you come to defend me?' Hang them all! They've got a doctor down, too, want to prove I'm mad. I won't have that! Katerina Ivanovna wants to do her &#8216;duty' to the end, whatever the strain!&#8221; Mitya smiled bitterly. &#8220;The cat! Hard-hearted creature! She knows that I said of her at Mokroe that she was a woman of &#8216;great wrath.' They repeated it. Yes, the facts against me have grown numerous as the sands of the sea. Grigory sticks to his point. Grigory's honest, but a fool. Many people are honest because they are fools: that's Rakitin's idea. Grigory's my enemy. And there are some people who are better as foes than friends. I mean Katerina Ivanovna. I am afraid, oh, I am afraid she will tell how she bowed to the ground after that four thousand. She'll pay it back to the last farthing. I don't want her sacrifice; they'll put me to shame at the trial. I wonder how I can stand it. Go to her, Alyosha, ask her not to speak of that in the court, can't you? But damn it all, it doesn't matter! I shall get through somehow. I don't pity her. It's her own doing. She deserves what she gets. I shall have my own story to tell, Alexey.&#8221; He smiled bitterly again. &#8220;Only ... only Grusha, Grusha! Good Lord! Why should she have such suffering to bear?&#8221; he exclaimed suddenly, with tears. &#8220;Grusha's killing me; the thought of her's killing me, killing me. She was with me just now....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She told me she was very much grieved by you to-day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know. Confound my temper! It was jealousy. I was sorry, I kissed her as she was going. I didn't ask her forgiveness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why didn't you?&#8221; exclaimed Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly Mitya laughed almost mirthfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God preserve you, my dear boy, from ever asking forgiveness for a fault from a woman you love. From one you love especially, however greatly you may have been in fault. For a woman&#8212;devil only knows what to make of a woman! I know something about them, anyway. But try acknowledging you are in fault to a woman. Say, &#8216;I am sorry, forgive me,' and a shower of reproaches will follow! Nothing will make her forgive you simply and directly, she'll humble you to the dust, bring forward things that have never happened, recall everything, forget nothing, add something of her own, and only then forgive you. And even the best, the best of them do it. She'll scrape up all the scrapings and load them on your head. They are ready to flay you alive, I tell you, every one of them, all these angels without whom we cannot live! I tell you plainly and openly, dear boy, every decent man ought to be under some woman's thumb. That's my conviction&#8212;not conviction, but feeling. A man ought to be magnanimous, and it's no disgrace to a man! No disgrace to a hero, not even a C&#230;sar! But don't ever beg her pardon all the same for anything. Remember that rule given you by your brother Mitya, who's come to ruin through women. No, I'd better make it up to Grusha somehow, without begging pardon. I worship her, Alexey, worship her. Only she doesn't see it. No, she still thinks I don't love her enough. And she tortures me, tortures me with her love. The past was nothing! In the past it was only those infernal curves of hers that tortured me, but now I've taken all her soul into my soul and through her I've become a man myself. Will they marry us? If they don't, I shall die of jealousy. I imagine something every day.... What did she say to you about me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha repeated all Grushenka had said to him that day. Mitya listened, made him repeat things, and seemed pleased.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then she is not angry at my being jealous?&#8221; he exclaimed. &#8220;She is a regular woman! &#8216;I've a fierce heart myself!' Ah, I love such fierce hearts, though I can't bear any one's being jealous of me. I can't endure it. We shall fight. But I shall love her, I shall love her infinitely. Will they marry us? Do they let convicts marry? That's the question. And without her I can't exist....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya walked frowning across the room. It was almost dark. He suddenly seemed terribly worried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So there's a secret, she says, a secret? We have got up a plot against her, and Katya is mixed up in it, she thinks. No, my good Grushenka, that's not it. You are very wide of the mark, in your foolish feminine way. Alyosha, darling, well, here goes! I'll tell you our secret!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He looked round, went close up quickly to Alyosha, who was standing before him, and whispered to him with an air of mystery, though in reality no one could hear them: the old warder was dozing in the corner, and not a word could reach the ears of the soldiers on guard.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will tell you all our secret,&#8221; Mitya whispered hurriedly. &#8220;I meant to tell you later, for how could I decide on anything without you? You are everything to me. Though I say that Ivan is superior to us, you are my angel. It's your decision will decide it. Perhaps it's you that is superior and not Ivan. You see, it's a question of conscience, question of the higher conscience&#8212;the secret is so important that I can't settle it myself, and I've put it off till I could speak to you. But anyway it's too early to decide now, for we must wait for the verdict. As soon as the verdict is given, you shall decide my fate. Don't decide it now. I'll tell you now. You listen, but don't decide. Stand and keep quiet. I won't tell you everything. I'll only tell you the idea, without details, and you keep quiet. Not a question, not a movement. You agree? But, goodness, what shall I do with your eyes? I'm afraid your eyes will tell me your decision, even if you don't speak. Oo! I'm afraid! Alyosha, listen! Ivan suggests my &lt;i&gt;escaping&lt;/i&gt;. I won't tell you the details: it's all been thought out: it can all be arranged. Hush, don't decide. I should go to America with Grusha. You know I can't live without Grusha! What if they won't let her follow me to Siberia? Do they let convicts get married? Ivan thinks not. And without Grusha what should I do there underground with a hammer? I should only smash my skull with the hammer! But, on the other hand, my conscience? I should have run away from suffering. A sign has come, I reject the sign. I have a way of salvation and I turn my back on it. Ivan says that in America, &#8216;with the good-will,' I can be of more use than underground. But what becomes of our hymn from underground? What's America? America is vanity again! And there's a lot of swindling in America, too, I expect. I should have run away from crucifixion! I tell you, you know, Alexey, because you are the only person who can understand this. There's no one else. It's folly, madness to others, all I've told you of the hymn. They'll say I'm out of my mind or a fool. I am not out of my mind and I am not a fool. Ivan understands about the hymn, too. He understands, only he doesn't answer&#8212;he doesn't speak. He doesn't believe in the hymn. Don't speak, don't speak. I see how you look! You have already decided. Don't decide, spare me! I can't live without Grusha. Wait till after the trial!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya ended beside himself. He held Alyosha with both hands on his shoulders, and his yearning, feverish eyes were fixed on his brother's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They don't let convicts marry, do they?&#8221; he repeated for the third time in a supplicating voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha listened with extreme surprise and was deeply moved.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me one thing,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Is Ivan very keen on it, and whose idea was it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;His, his, and he is very keen on it. He didn't come to see me at first, then he suddenly came a week ago and he began about it straight away. He is awfully keen on it. He doesn't ask me, but orders me to escape. He doesn't doubt of my obeying him, though I showed him all my heart as I have to you, and told him about the hymn, too. He told me he'd arrange it; he's found out about everything. But of that later. He's simply set on it. It's all a matter of money: he'll pay ten thousand for escape and give me twenty thousand for America. And he says we can arrange a magnificent escape for ten thousand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And he told you on no account to tell me?&#8221; Alyosha asked again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To tell no one, and especially not you; on no account to tell you. He is afraid, no doubt, that you'll stand before me as my conscience. Don't tell him I told you. Don't tell him, for anything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are right,&#8221; Alyosha pronounced; &#8220;it's impossible to decide anything before the trial is over. After the trial you'll decide of yourself. Then you'll find that new man in yourself and he will decide.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A new man, or a Bernard who'll decide &lt;i&gt;&#224; la&lt;/i&gt; Bernard, for I believe I'm a contemptible Bernard myself,&#8221; said Mitya, with a bitter grin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, brother, have you no hope then of being acquitted?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya shrugged his shoulders nervously and shook his head. &#8220;Alyosha, darling, it's time you were going,&#8221; he said, with a sudden haste. &#8220;There's the superintendent shouting in the yard. He'll be here directly. We are late; it's irregular. Embrace me quickly. Kiss me! Sign me with the cross, darling, for the cross I have to bear to-morrow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They embraced and kissed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan,&#8221; said Mitya suddenly, &#8220;suggests my escaping; but, of course, he believes I did it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A mournful smile came on to his lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you asked him whether he believes it?&#8221; asked Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I haven't. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I hadn't the courage. But I saw it from his eyes. Well, good-by!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Once more they kissed hurriedly, and Alyosha was just going out, when Mitya suddenly called him back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stand facing me! That's right!&#8221; And again he seized Alyosha, putting both hands on his shoulders. His face became suddenly quite pale, so that it was dreadfully apparent, even through the gathering darkness. His lips twitched, his eyes fastened upon Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, tell me the whole truth, as you would before God. Do you believe I did it? Do you, do you in yourself, believe it? The whole truth, don't lie!&#8221; he cried desperately.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everything seemed heaving before Alyosha, and he felt something like a stab at his heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hush! What do you mean?&#8221; he faltered helplessly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The whole truth, the whole, don't lie!&#8221; repeated Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've never for one instant believed that you were the murderer!&#8221; broke in a shaking voice from Alyosha's breast, and he raised his right hand in the air, as though calling God to witness his words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya's whole face was lighted up with bliss.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank you!&#8221; he articulated slowly, as though letting a sigh escape him after fainting. &#8220;Now you have given me new life. Would you believe it, till this moment I've been afraid to ask you, you, even you. Well, go! You've given me strength for to-morrow. God bless you! Come, go along! Love Ivan!&#8221; was Mitya's last word.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha went out in tears. Such distrustfulness in Mitya, such lack of confidence even to him, to Alyosha&#8212;all this suddenly opened before Alyosha an unsuspected depth of hopeless grief and despair in the soul of his unhappy brother. Intense, infinite compassion overwhelmed him instantly. There was a poignant ache in his torn heart. &#8220;Love Ivan!&#8221;&#8212;he suddenly recalled Mitya's words. And he was going to Ivan. He badly wanted to see Ivan all day. He was as much worried about Ivan as about Mitya, and more than ever now.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V. NOT YOU, NOT YOU!&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;On the way to Ivan he had to pass the house where Katerina Ivanovna was living. There was light in the windows. He suddenly stopped and resolved to go in. He had not seen Katerina Ivanovna for more than a week. But now it struck him that Ivan might be with her, especially on the eve of the terrible day. Ringing, and mounting the staircase, which was dimly lighted by a Chinese lantern, he saw a man coming down, and as they met, he recognized him as his brother. So he was just coming from Katerina Ivanovna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, it's only you,&#8221; said Ivan dryly. &#8220;Well, good-by! You are going to her?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't advise you to; she's upset and you'll upset her more.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A door was instantly flung open above, and a voice cried suddenly:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no! Alexey Fyodorovitch, have you come from him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I have been with him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Has he sent me any message? Come up, Alyosha, and you, Ivan Fyodorovitch, you must come back, you must. Do you hear?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was such a peremptory note in Katya's voice that Ivan, after a moment's hesitation, made up his mind to go back with Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She was listening,&#8221; he murmured angrily to himself, but Alyosha heard it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse my keeping my greatcoat on,&#8221; said Ivan, going into the drawing-room. &#8220;I won't sit down. I won't stay more than a minute.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sit down, Alexey Fyodorovitch,&#8221; said Katerina Ivanovna, though she remained standing. She had changed very little during this time, but there was an ominous gleam in her dark eyes. Alyosha remembered afterwards that she had struck him as particularly handsome at that moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What did he ask you to tell me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Only one thing,&#8221; said Alyosha, looking her straight in the face, &#8220;that you would spare yourself and say nothing at the trial of what&#8221; (he was a little confused) &#8220;... passed between you ... at the time of your first acquaintance ... in that town.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! that I bowed down to the ground for that money!&#8221; She broke into a bitter laugh. &#8220;Why, is he afraid for me or for himself? He asks me to spare&#8212;whom? Him or myself? Tell me, Alexey Fyodorovitch!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha watched her intently, trying to understand her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Both yourself and him,&#8221; he answered softly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am glad to hear it,&#8221; she snapped out maliciously, and she suddenly blushed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't know me yet, Alexey Fyodorovitch,&#8221; she said menacingly. &#8220;And I don't know myself yet. Perhaps you'll want to trample me under foot after my examination to-morrow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You will give your evidence honorably,&#8221; said Alyosha; &#8220;that's all that's wanted.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Women are often dishonorable,&#8221; she snarled. &#8220;Only an hour ago I was thinking I felt afraid to touch that monster ... as though he were a reptile ... but no, he is still a human being to me! But did he do it? Is he the murderer?&#8221; she cried, all of a sudden, hysterically, turning quickly to Ivan. Alyosha saw at once that she had asked Ivan that question before, perhaps only a moment before he came in, and not for the first time, but for the hundredth, and that they had ended by quarreling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've been to see Smerdyakov.... It was you, you who persuaded me that he murdered his father. It's only you I believed!&#8221; she continued, still addressing Ivan. He gave her a sort of strained smile. Alyosha started at her tone. He had not suspected such familiar intimacy between them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, that's enough, anyway,&#8221; Ivan cut short the conversation. &#8220;I am going. I'll come to-morrow.&#8221; And turning at once, he walked out of the room and went straight downstairs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With an imperious gesture, Katerina Ivanovna seized Alyosha by both hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Follow him! Overtake him! Don't leave him alone for a minute!&#8221; she said, in a hurried whisper. &#8220;He's mad! Don't you know that he's mad? He is in a fever, nervous fever. The doctor told me so. Go, run after him....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha jumped up and ran after Ivan, who was not fifty paces ahead of him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you want?&#8221; He turned quickly on Alyosha, seeing that he was running after him. &#8220;She told you to catch me up, because I'm mad. I know it all by heart,&#8221; he added irritably.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She is mistaken, of course; but she is right that you are ill,&#8221; said Alyosha. &#8220;I was looking at your face just now. You look very ill, Ivan.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan walked on without stopping. Alyosha followed him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And do you know, Alexey Fyodorovitch, how people do go out of their mind?&#8221; Ivan asked in a voice suddenly quiet, without a trace of irritation, with a note of the simplest curiosity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I don't. I suppose there are all kinds of insanity.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And can one observe that one's going mad oneself?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I imagine one can't see oneself clearly in such circumstances,&#8221; Alyosha answered with surprise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan paused for half a minute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you want to talk to me, please change the subject,&#8221; he said suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, while I think of it, I have a letter for you,&#8221; said Alyosha timidly, and he took Lise's note from his pocket and held it out to Ivan. They were just under a lamp-post. Ivan recognized the handwriting at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, from that little demon!&#8221; he laughed maliciously, and, without opening the envelope, he tore it into bits and threw it in the air. The bits were scattered by the wind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's not sixteen yet, I believe, and already offering herself,&#8221; he said contemptuously, striding along the street again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you mean, offering herself?&#8221; exclaimed Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As wanton women offer themselves, to be sure.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How can you, Ivan, how can you?&#8221; Alyosha cried warmly, in a grieved voice. &#8220;She is a child; you are insulting a child! She is ill; she is very ill, too. She is on the verge of insanity, too, perhaps.... I had hoped to hear something from you ... that would save her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'll hear nothing from me. If she is a child I am not her nurse. Be quiet, Alexey. Don't go on about her. I am not even thinking about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were silent again for a moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She will be praying all night now to the Mother of God to show her how to act to-morrow at the trial,&#8221; he said sharply and angrily again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You ... you mean Katerina Ivanovna?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. Whether she's to save Mitya or ruin him. She'll pray for light from above. She can't make up her mind for herself, you see. She has not had time to decide yet. She takes me for her nurse, too. She wants me to sing lullabies to her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Katerina Ivanovna loves you, brother,&#8221; said Alyosha sadly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps; but I am not very keen on her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She is suffering. Why do you ... sometimes say things to her that give her hope?&#8221; Alyosha went on, with timid reproach. &#8220;I know that you've given her hope. Forgive me for speaking to you like this,&#8221; he added.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can't behave to her as I ought&#8212;break off altogether and tell her so straight out,&#8221; said Ivan, irritably. &#8220;I must wait till sentence is passed on the murderer. If I break off with her now, she will avenge herself on me by ruining that scoundrel to-morrow at the trial, for she hates him and knows she hates him. It's all a lie&#8212;lie upon lie! As long as I don't break off with her, she goes on hoping, and she won't ruin that monster, knowing how I want to get him out of trouble. If only that damned verdict would come!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The words &#8220;murderer&#8221; and &#8220;monster&#8221; echoed painfully in Alyosha's heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But how can she ruin Mitya?&#8221; he asked, pondering on Ivan's words. &#8220;What evidence can she give that would ruin Mitya?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't know that yet. She's got a document in her hands, in Mitya's own writing, that proves conclusively that he did murder Fyodor Pavlovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's impossible!&#8221; cried Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why is it impossible? I've read it myself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There can't be such a document!&#8221; Alyosha repeated warmly. &#8220;There can't be, because he's not the murderer. It's not he murdered father, not he!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan suddenly stopped.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who is the murderer then, according to you?&#8221; he asked, with apparent coldness. There was even a supercilious note in his voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know who,&#8221; Alyosha pronounced in a low, penetrating voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who? You mean the myth about that crazy idiot, the epileptic, Smerdyakov?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha suddenly felt himself trembling all over.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know who,&#8221; broke helplessly from him. He could scarcely breathe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who? Who?&#8221; Ivan cried almost fiercely. All his restraint suddenly vanished.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I only know one thing,&#8221; Alyosha went on, still almost in a whisper, &#8220;&lt;i&gt;it wasn't you&lt;/i&gt; who killed father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;Not you'! What do you mean by &#8216;not you'?&#8221; Ivan was thunderstruck.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was not you killed father, not you!&#8221; Alyosha repeated firmly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The silence lasted for half a minute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know I didn't. Are you raving?&#8221; said Ivan, with a pale, distorted smile. His eyes were riveted on Alyosha. They were standing again under a lamp-post.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Ivan. You've told yourself several times that you are the murderer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When did I say so? I was in Moscow.... When have I said so?&#8221; Ivan faltered helplessly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've said so to yourself many times, when you've been alone during these two dreadful months,&#8221; Alyosha went on softly and distinctly as before. Yet he was speaking now, as it were, not of himself, not of his own will, but obeying some irresistible command. &#8220;You have accused yourself and have confessed to yourself that you are the murderer and no one else. But you didn't do it: you are mistaken: you are not the murderer. Do you hear? It was not you! God has sent me to tell you so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were both silent. The silence lasted a whole long minute. They were both standing still, gazing into each other's eyes. They were both pale. Suddenly Ivan began trembling all over, and clutched Alyosha's shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've been in my room!&#8221; he whispered hoarsely. &#8220;You've been there at night, when he came.... Confess ... have you seen him, have you seen him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Whom do you mean&#8212;Mitya?&#8221; Alyosha asked, bewildered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not him, damn the monster!&#8221; Ivan shouted, in a frenzy. &#8220;Do you know that he visits me? How did you find out? Speak!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who is &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt;! I don't know whom you are talking about,&#8221; Alyosha faltered, beginning to be alarmed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, you do know ... or how could you&#8212;? It's impossible that you don't know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly he seemed to check himself. He stood still and seemed to reflect. A strange grin contorted his lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother,&#8221; Alyosha began again, in a shaking voice, &#8220;I have said this to you, because you'll believe my word, I know that. I tell you once and for all, it's not you. You hear, once for all! God has put it into my heart to say this to you, even though it may make you hate me from this hour.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But by now Ivan had apparently regained his self-control.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alexey Fyodorovitch,&#8221; he said, with a cold smile, &#8220;I can't endure prophets and epileptics&#8212;messengers from God especially&#8212;and you know that only too well. I break off all relations with you from this moment and probably for ever. I beg you to leave me at this turning. It's the way to your lodgings, too. You'd better be particularly careful not to come to me to-day! Do you hear?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He turned and walked on with a firm step, not looking back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother,&#8221; Alyosha called after him, &#8220;if anything happens to you to-day, turn to me before any one!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Ivan made no reply. Alyosha stood under the lamp-post at the cross roads, till Ivan had vanished into the darkness. Then he turned and walked slowly homewards. Both Alyosha and Ivan were living in lodgings; neither of them was willing to live in Fyodor Pavlovitch's empty house. Alyosha had a furnished room in the house of some working people. Ivan lived some distance from him. He had taken a roomy and fairly comfortable lodge attached to a fine house that belonged to a well-to-do lady, the widow of an official. But his only attendant was a deaf and rheumatic old crone who went to bed at six o'clock every evening and got up at six in the morning. Ivan had become remarkably indifferent to his comforts of late, and very fond of being alone. He did everything for himself in the one room he lived in, and rarely entered any of the other rooms in his abode.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He reached the gate of the house and had his hand on the bell, when he suddenly stopped. He felt that he was trembling all over with anger. Suddenly he let go of the bell, turned back with a curse, and walked with rapid steps in the opposite direction. He walked a mile and a half to a tiny, slanting, wooden house, almost a hut, where Marya Kondratyevna, the neighbor who used to come to Fyodor Pavlovitch's kitchen for soup and to whom Smerdyakov had once sung his songs and played on the guitar, was now lodging. She had sold their little house, and was now living here with her mother. Smerdyakov, who was ill&#8212;almost dying&#8212;had been with them ever since Fyodor Pavlovitch's death. It was to him Ivan was going now, drawn by a sudden and irresistible prompting.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI. THE FIRST INTERVIEW WITH SMERDYAKOV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This was the third time that Ivan had been to see Smerdyakov since his return from Moscow. The first time he had seen him and talked to him was on the first day of his arrival, then he had visited him once more, a fortnight later. But his visits had ended with that second one, so that it was now over a month since he had seen him. And he had scarcely heard anything of him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan had only returned five days after his father's death, so that he was not present at the funeral, which took place the day before he came back. The cause of his delay was that Alyosha, not knowing his Moscow address, had to apply to Katerina Ivanovna to telegraph to him, and she, not knowing his address either, telegraphed to her sister and aunt, reckoning on Ivan's going to see them as soon as he arrived in Moscow. But he did not go to them till four days after his arrival. When he got the telegram, he had, of course, set off post-haste to our town. The first to meet him was Alyosha, and Ivan was greatly surprised to find that, in opposition to the general opinion of the town, he refused to entertain a suspicion against Mitya, and spoke openly of Smerdyakov as the murderer. Later on, after seeing the police captain and the prosecutor, and hearing the details of the charge and the arrest, he was still more surprised at Alyosha, and ascribed his opinion only to his exaggerated brotherly feeling and sympathy with Mitya, of whom Alyosha, as Ivan knew, was very fond.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
By the way, let us say a word or two of Ivan's feeling to his brother Dmitri. He positively disliked him; at most, felt sometimes a compassion for him, and even that was mixed with great contempt, almost repugnance. Mitya's whole personality, even his appearance, was extremely unattractive to him. Ivan looked with indignation on Katerina Ivanovna's love for his brother. Yet he went to see Mitya on the first day of his arrival, and that interview, far from shaking Ivan's belief in his guilt, positively strengthened it. He found his brother agitated, nervously excited. Mitya had been talkative, but very absent-minded and incoherent. He used violent language, accused Smerdyakov, and was fearfully muddled. He talked principally about the three thousand roubles, which he said had been &#8220;stolen&#8221; from him by his father.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The money was mine, it was my money,&#8221; Mitya kept repeating. &#8220;Even if I had stolen it, I should have had the right.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He hardly contested the evidence against him, and if he tried to turn a fact to his advantage, it was in an absurd and incoherent way. He hardly seemed to wish to defend himself to Ivan or anyone else. Quite the contrary, he was angry and proudly scornful of the charges against him; he was continually firing up and abusing every one. He only laughed contemptuously at Grigory's evidence about the open door, and declared that it was &#8220;the devil that opened it.&#8221; But he could not bring forward any coherent explanation of the fact. He even succeeded in insulting Ivan during their first interview, telling him sharply that it was not for people who declared that &#8220;everything was lawful,&#8221; to suspect and question him. Altogether he was anything but friendly with Ivan on that occasion. Immediately after that interview with Mitya, Ivan went for the first time to see Smerdyakov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the railway train on his way from Moscow, he kept thinking of Smerdyakov and of his last conversation with him on the evening before he went away. Many things seemed to him puzzling and suspicious. But when he gave his evidence to the investigating lawyer Ivan said nothing, for the time, of that conversation. He put that off till he had seen Smerdyakov, who was at that time in the hospital.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Doctor Herzenstube and Varvinsky, the doctor he met in the hospital, confidently asserted in reply to Ivan's persistent questions, that Smerdyakov's epileptic attack was unmistakably genuine, and were surprised indeed at Ivan asking whether he might not have been shamming on the day of the catastrophe. They gave him to understand that the attack was an exceptional one, the fits persisting and recurring several times, so that the patient's life was positively in danger, and it was only now, after they had applied remedies, that they could assert with confidence that the patient would survive. &#8220;Though it might well be,&#8221; added Doctor Herzenstube, &#8220;that his reason would be impaired for a considerable period, if not permanently.&#8221; On Ivan's asking impatiently whether that meant that he was now mad, they told him that this was not yet the case, in the full sense of the word, but that certain abnormalities were perceptible. Ivan decided to find out for himself what those abnormalities were.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the hospital he was at once allowed to see the patient. Smerdyakov was lying on a truckle-bed in a separate ward. There was only one other bed in the room, and in it lay a tradesman of the town, swollen with dropsy, who was obviously almost dying; he could be no hindrance to their conversation. Smerdyakov grinned uncertainly on seeing Ivan, and for the first instant seemed nervous. So at least Ivan fancied. But that was only momentary. For the rest of the time he was struck, on the contrary, by Smerdyakov's composure. From the first glance Ivan had no doubt that he was very ill. He was very weak; he spoke slowly, seeming to move his tongue with difficulty; he was much thinner and sallower. Throughout the interview, which lasted twenty minutes, he kept complaining of headache and of pain in all his limbs. His thin emasculate face seemed to have become so tiny; his hair was ruffled, and his crest of curls in front stood up in a thin tuft. But in the left eye, which was screwed up and seemed to be insinuating something, Smerdyakov showed himself unchanged. &#8220;It's always worth while speaking to a clever man.&#8221; Ivan was reminded of that at once. He sat down on the stool at his feet. Smerdyakov, with painful effort, shifted his position in bed, but he was not the first to speak. He remained dumb, and did not even look much interested.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Can you talk to me?&#8221; asked Ivan. &#8220;I won't tire you much.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly I can,&#8221; mumbled Smerdyakov, in a faint voice. &#8220;Has your honor been back long?&#8221; he added patronizingly, as though encouraging a nervous visitor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I only arrived to-day.... To see the mess you are in here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov sighed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why do you sigh? You knew of it all along,&#8221; Ivan blurted out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov was stolidly silent for a while.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How could I help knowing? It was clear beforehand. But how could I tell it would turn out like that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What would turn out? Don't prevaricate! You've foretold you'd have a fit; on the way down to the cellar, you know. You mentioned the very spot.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you said so at the examination yet?&#8221; Smerdyakov queried with composure.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan felt suddenly angry.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I haven't yet, but I certainly shall. You must explain a great deal to me, my man; and let me tell you, I am not going to let you play with me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why should I play with you, when I put my whole trust in you, as in God Almighty?&#8221; said Smerdyakov, with the same composure, only for a moment closing his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the first place,&#8221; began Ivan, &#8220;I know that epileptic fits can't be told beforehand. I've inquired; don't try and take me in. You can't foretell the day and the hour. How was it you told me the day and the hour beforehand, and about the cellar, too? How could you tell that you would fall down the cellar stairs in a fit, if you didn't sham a fit on purpose?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I had to go to the cellar anyway, several times a day, indeed,&#8221; Smerdyakov drawled deliberately. &#8220;I fell from the garret just in the same way a year ago. It's quite true you can't tell the day and hour of a fit beforehand, but you can always have a presentiment of it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you did foretell the day and the hour!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In regard to my epilepsy, sir, you had much better inquire of the doctors here. You can ask them whether it was a real fit or a sham; it's no use my saying any more about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the cellar? How could you know beforehand of the cellar?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't seem able to get over that cellar! As I was going down to the cellar, I was in terrible dread and doubt. What frightened me most was losing you and being left without defense in all the world. So I went down into the cellar thinking, &#8216;Here, it'll come on directly, it'll strike me down directly, shall I fall?' And it was through this fear that I suddenly felt the spasm that always comes ... and so I went flying. All that and all my previous conversation with you at the gate the evening before, when I told you how frightened I was and spoke of the cellar, I told all that to Doctor Herzenstube and Nikolay Parfenovitch, the investigating lawyer, and it's all been written down in the protocol. And the doctor here, Mr. Varvinsky, maintained to all of them that it was just the thought of it brought it on, the apprehension that I might fall. It was just then that the fit seized me. And so they've written it down, that it's just how it must have happened, simply from my fear.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As he finished, Smerdyakov drew a deep breath, as though exhausted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then you have said all that in your evidence?&#8221; said Ivan, somewhat taken aback. He had meant to frighten him with the threat of repeating their conversation, and it appeared that Smerdyakov had already reported it all himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What have I to be afraid of? Let them write down the whole truth,&#8221; Smerdyakov pronounced firmly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And have you told them every word of our conversation at the gate?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, not to say every word.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And did you tell them that you can sham fits, as you boasted then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I didn't tell them that either.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me now, why did you send me then to Tchermashnya?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was afraid you'd go away to Moscow; Tchermashnya is nearer, anyway.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are lying; you suggested my going away yourself; you told me to get out of the way of trouble.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That was simply out of affection and my sincere devotion to you, foreseeing trouble in the house, to spare you. Only I wanted to spare myself even more. That's why I told you to get out of harm's way, that you might understand that there would be trouble in the house, and would remain at home to protect your father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You might have said it more directly, you blockhead!&#8221; Ivan suddenly fired up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How could I have said it more directly then? It was simply my fear that made me speak, and you might have been angry, too. I might well have been apprehensive that Dmitri Fyodorovitch would make a scene and carry away that money, for he considered it as good as his own; but who could tell that it would end in a murder like this? I thought that he would only carry off the three thousand that lay under the master's mattress in the envelope, and you see, he's murdered him. How could you guess it either, sir?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But if you say yourself that it couldn't be guessed, how could I have guessed and stayed at home? You contradict yourself!&#8221; said Ivan, pondering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You might have guessed from my sending you to Tchermashnya and not to Moscow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How could I guess it from that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov seemed much exhausted, and again he was silent for a minute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You might have guessed from the fact of my asking you not to go to Moscow, but to Tchermashnya, that I wanted to have you nearer, for Moscow's a long way off, and Dmitri Fyodorovitch, knowing you are not far off, would not be so bold. And if anything had happened, you might have come to protect me, too, for I warned you of Grigory Vassilyevitch's illness, and that I was afraid of having a fit. And when I explained those knocks to you, by means of which one could go in to the deceased, and that Dmitri Fyodorovitch knew them all through me, I thought that you would guess yourself that he would be sure to do something, and so wouldn't go to Tchermashnya even, but would stay.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He talks very coherently,&#8221; thought Ivan, &#8220;though he does mumble; what's the derangement of his faculties that Herzenstube talked of?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are cunning with me, damn you!&#8221; he exclaimed, getting angry.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I thought at the time that you quite guessed,&#8221; Smerdyakov parried with the simplest air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If I'd guessed, I should have stayed,&#8221; cried Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, I thought that it was because you guessed, that you went away in such a hurry, only to get out of trouble, only to run away and save yourself in your fright.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You think that every one is as great a coward as yourself?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive me, I thought you were like me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course, I ought to have guessed,&#8221; Ivan said in agitation; &#8220;and I did guess there was some mischief brewing on your part ... only you are lying, you are lying again,&#8221; he cried, suddenly recollecting. &#8220;Do you remember how you went up to the carriage and said to me, &#8216;It's always worth while speaking to a clever man'? So you were glad I went away, since you praised me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov sighed again and again. A trace of color came into his face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If I was pleased,&#8221; he articulated rather breathlessly, &#8220;it was simply because you agreed not to go to Moscow, but to Tchermashnya. For it was nearer, anyway. Only when I said these words to you, it was not by way of praise, but of reproach. You didn't understand it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What reproach?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, that foreseeing such a calamity you deserted your own father, and would not protect us, for I might have been taken up any time for stealing that three thousand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Damn you!&#8221; Ivan swore again. &#8220;Stay, did you tell the prosecutor and the investigating lawyer about those knocks?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I told them everything just as it was.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan wondered inwardly again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If I thought of anything then,&#8221; he began again, &#8220;it was solely of some wickedness on your part. Dmitri might kill him, but that he would steal&#8212;I did not believe that then.... But I was prepared for any wickedness from you. You told me yourself you could sham a fit. What did you say that for?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was just through my simplicity, and I never have shammed a fit on purpose in my life. And I only said so then to boast to you. It was just foolishness. I liked you so much then, and was open-hearted with you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My brother directly accuses you of the murder and theft.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What else is left for him to do?&#8221; said Smerdyakov, with a bitter grin. &#8220;And who will believe him with all the proofs against him? Grigory Vassilyevitch saw the door open. What can he say after that? But never mind him! He is trembling to save himself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He slowly ceased speaking; then suddenly, as though on reflection, added:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And look here again. He wants to throw it on me and make out that it is the work of my hands&#8212;I've heard that already. But as to my being clever at shamming a fit: should I have told you beforehand that I could sham one, if I really had had such a design against your father? If I had been planning such a murder could I have been such a fool as to give such evidence against myself beforehand? And to his son, too! Upon my word! Is that likely? As if that could be, such a thing has never happened. No one hears this talk of ours now, except Providence itself, and if you were to tell of it to the prosecutor and Nikolay Parfenovitch you might defend me completely by doing so, for who would be likely to be such a criminal, if he is so open-hearted beforehand? anyone can see that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well,&#8221; and Ivan got up to cut short the conversation, struck by Smerdyakov's last argument. &#8220;I don't suspect you at all, and I think it's absurd, indeed, to suspect you. On the contrary, I am grateful to you for setting my mind at rest. Now I am going, but I'll come again. Meanwhile, good-by. Get well. Is there anything you want?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am very thankful for everything. Marfa Ignatyevna does not forget me, and provides me anything I want, according to her kindness. Good people visit me every day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by. But I shan't say anything of your being able to sham a fit, and I don't advise you to, either,&#8221; something made Ivan say suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I quite understand. And if you don't speak of that, I shall say nothing of that conversation of ours at the gate.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then it happened that Ivan went out, and only when he had gone a dozen steps along the corridor, he suddenly felt that there was an insulting significance in Smerdyakov's last words. He was almost on the point of turning back, but it was only a passing impulse, and muttering, &#8220;Nonsense!&#8221; he went out of the hospital.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His chief feeling was one of relief at the fact that it was not Smerdyakov, but Mitya, who had committed the murder, though he might have been expected to feel the opposite. He did not want to analyze the reason for this feeling, and even felt a positive repugnance at prying into his sensations. He felt as though he wanted to make haste to forget something. In the following days he became convinced of Mitya's guilt, as he got to know all the weight of evidence against him. There was evidence of people of no importance, Fenya and her mother, for instance, but the effect of it was almost overpowering. As to Perhotin, the people at the tavern, and at Plotnikov's shop, as well as the witnesses at Mokroe, their evidence seemed conclusive. It was the details that were so damning. The secret of the knocks impressed the lawyers almost as much as Grigory's evidence as to the open door. Grigory's wife, Marfa, in answer to Ivan's questions, declared that Smerdyakov had been lying all night the other side of the partition wall. &#8220;He was not three paces from our bed,&#8221; and that although she was a sound sleeper she waked several times and heard him moaning, &#8220;He was moaning the whole time, moaning continually.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Talking to Herzenstube, and giving it as his opinion that Smerdyakov was not mad, but only rather weak, Ivan only evoked from the old man a subtle smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know how he spends his time now?&#8221; he asked; &#8220;learning lists of French words by heart. He has an exercise-book under his pillow with the French words written out in Russian letters for him by some one, he he he!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan ended by dismissing all doubts. He could not think of Dmitri without repulsion. Only one thing was strange, however. Alyosha persisted that Dmitri was not the murderer, and that &#8220;in all probability&#8221; Smerdyakov was. Ivan always felt that Alyosha's opinion meant a great deal to him, and so he was astonished at it now. Another thing that was strange was that Alyosha did not make any attempt to talk about Mitya with Ivan, that he never began on the subject and only answered his questions. This, too, struck Ivan particularly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But he was very much preoccupied at that time with something quite apart from that. On his return from Moscow, he abandoned himself hopelessly to his mad and consuming passion for Katerina Ivanovna. This is not the time to begin to speak of this new passion of Ivan's, which left its mark on all the rest of his life: this would furnish the subject for another novel, which I may perhaps never write. But I cannot omit to mention here that when Ivan, on leaving Katerina Ivanovna with Alyosha, as I've related already, told him, &#8220;I am not keen on her,&#8221; it was an absolute lie: he loved her madly, though at times he hated her so that he might have murdered her. Many causes helped to bring about this feeling. Shattered by what had happened with Mitya, she rushed on Ivan's return to meet him as her one salvation. She was hurt, insulted and humiliated in her feelings. And here the man had come back to her, who had loved her so ardently before (oh! she knew that very well), and whose heart and intellect she considered so superior to her own. But the sternly virtuous girl did not abandon herself altogether to the man she loved, in spite of the Karamazov violence of his passions and the great fascination he had for her. She was continually tormented at the same time by remorse for having deserted Mitya, and in moments of discord and violent anger (and they were numerous) she told Ivan so plainly. This was what he had called to Alyosha &#8220;lies upon lies.&#8221; There was, of course, much that was false in it, and that angered Ivan more than anything.... But of all this later.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He did, in fact, for a time almost forget Smerdyakov's existence, and yet, a fortnight after his first visit to him, he began to be haunted by the same strange thoughts as before. It's enough to say that he was continually asking himself, why was it that on that last night in Fyodor Pavlovitch's house he had crept out on to the stairs like a thief and listened to hear what his father was doing below? Why had he recalled that afterwards with repulsion? Why next morning, had he been suddenly so depressed on the journey? Why, as he reached Moscow, had he said to himself, &#8220;I am a scoundrel&#8221;? And now he almost fancied that these tormenting thoughts would make him even forget Katerina Ivanovna, so completely did they take possession of him again. It was just after fancying this, that he met Alyosha in the street. He stopped him at once, and put a question to him:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you remember when Dmitri burst in after dinner and beat father, and afterwards I told you in the yard that I reserved &#8216;the right to desire'?... Tell me, did you think then that I desired father's death or not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I did think so,&#8221; answered Alyosha, softly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was so, too; it was not a matter of guessing. But didn't you fancy then that what I wished was just that &#8216;one reptile should devour another'; that is, just that Dmitri should kill father, and as soon as possible ... and that I myself was even prepared to help to bring that about?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha turned rather pale, and looked silently into his brother's face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Speak!&#8221; cried Ivan, &#8220;I want above everything to know what you thought then. I want the truth, the truth!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He drew a deep breath, looking angrily at Alyosha before his answer came.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive me, I did think that, too, at the time,&#8221; whispered Alyosha, and he did not add one softening phrase.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thanks,&#8221; snapped Ivan, and, leaving Alyosha, he went quickly on his way. From that time Alyosha noticed that Ivan began obviously to avoid him and seemed even to have taken a dislike to him, so much so that Alyosha gave up going to see him. Immediately after that meeting with him, Ivan had not gone home, but went straight to Smerdyakov again.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII. THE SECOND VISIT TO SMERDYAKOV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;By that time Smerdyakov had been discharged from the hospital. Ivan knew his new lodging, the dilapidated little wooden house, divided in two by a passage on one side of which lived Marya Kondratyevna and her mother, and on the other, Smerdyakov. No one knew on what terms he lived with them, whether as a friend or as a lodger. It was supposed afterwards that he had come to stay with them as Marya Kondratyevna's betrothed, and was living there for a time without paying for board or lodging. Both mother and daughter had the greatest respect for him and looked upon him as greatly superior to themselves.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan knocked, and, on the door being opened, went straight into the passage. By Marya Kondratyevna's directions he went straight to the better room on the left, occupied by Smerdyakov. There was a tiled stove in the room and it was extremely hot. The walls were gay with blue paper, which was a good deal used however, and in the cracks under it cockroaches swarmed in amazing numbers, so that there was a continual rustling from them. The furniture was very scanty: two benches against each wall and two chairs by the table. The table of plain wood was covered with a cloth with pink patterns on it. There was a pot of geranium on each of the two little windows. In the corner there was a case of ikons. On the table stood a little copper samovar with many dents in it, and a tray with two cups. But Smerdyakov had finished tea and the samovar was out. He was sitting at the table on a bench. He was looking at an exercise-book and slowly writing with a pen. There was a bottle of ink by him and a flat iron candlestick, but with a composite candle. Ivan saw at once from Smerdyakov's face that he had completely recovered from his illness. His face was fresher, fuller, his hair stood up jauntily in front, and was plastered down at the sides. He was sitting in a parti-colored, wadded dressing-gown, rather dirty and frayed, however. He had spectacles on his nose, which Ivan had never seen him wearing before. This trifling circumstance suddenly redoubled Ivan's anger: &#8220;A creature like that and wearing spectacles!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov slowly raised his head and looked intently at his visitor through his spectacles; then he slowly took them off and rose from the bench, but by no means respectfully, almost lazily, doing the least possible required by common civility. All this struck Ivan instantly; he took it all in and noted it at once&#8212;most of all the look in Smerdyakov's eyes, positively malicious, churlish and haughty. &#8220;What do you want to intrude for?&#8221; it seemed to say; &#8220;we settled everything then; why have you come again?&#8221; Ivan could scarcely control himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's hot here,&#8221; he said, still standing, and unbuttoned his overcoat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Take off your coat,&#8221; Smerdyakov conceded.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan took off his coat and threw it on a bench with trembling hands. He took a chair, moved it quickly to the table and sat down. Smerdyakov managed to sit down on his bench before him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To begin with, are we alone?&#8221; Ivan asked sternly and impulsively. &#8220;Can they overhear us in there?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No one can hear anything. You've seen for yourself: there's a passage.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, my good fellow; what was that you babbled, as I was leaving the hospital, that if I said nothing about your faculty of shamming fits, you wouldn't tell the investigating lawyer all our conversation at the gate? What do you mean by &lt;i&gt;all&lt;/i&gt;? What could you mean by it? Were you threatening me? Have I entered into some sort of compact with you? Do you suppose I am afraid of you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan said this in a perfect fury, giving him to understand with obvious intention that he scorned any subterfuge or indirectness and meant to show his cards. Smerdyakov's eyes gleamed resentfully, his left eye winked, and he at once gave his answer, with his habitual composure and deliberation. &#8220;You want to have everything above-board; very well, you shall have it,&#8221; he seemed to say.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is what I meant then, and this is why I said that, that you, knowing beforehand of this murder of your own parent, left him to his fate, and that people mightn't after that conclude any evil about your feelings and perhaps of something else, too&#8212;that's what I promised not to tell the authorities.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though Smerdyakov spoke without haste and obviously controlling himself, yet there was something in his voice, determined and emphatic, resentful and insolently defiant. He stared impudently at Ivan. A mist passed before Ivan's eyes for the first moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How? What? Are you out of your mind?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm perfectly in possession of all my faculties.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you suppose I &lt;i&gt;knew&lt;/i&gt; of the murder?&#8221; Ivan cried at last, and he brought his fist violently on the table. &#8220;What do you mean by &#8216;something else, too'? Speak, scoundrel!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov was silent and still scanned Ivan with the same insolent stare.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Speak, you stinking rogue, what is that &#8216;something else, too'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The &#8216;something else' I meant was that you probably, too, were very desirous of your parent's death.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan jumped up and struck him with all his might on the shoulder, so that he fell back against the wall. In an instant his face was bathed in tears. Saying, &#8220;It's a shame, sir, to strike a sick man,&#8221; he dried his eyes with a very dirty blue check handkerchief and sank into quiet weeping. A minute passed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's enough! Leave off,&#8221; Ivan said peremptorily, sitting down again. &#8220;Don't put me out of all patience.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov took the rag from his eyes. Every line of his puckered face reflected the insult he had just received.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you thought then, you scoundrel, that together with Dmitri I meant to kill my father?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I didn't know what thoughts were in your mind then,&#8221; said Smerdyakov resentfully; &#8220;and so I stopped you then at the gate to sound you on that very point.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To sound what, what?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, that very circumstance, whether you wanted your father to be murdered or not.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What infuriated Ivan more than anything was the aggressive, insolent tone to which Smerdyakov persistently adhered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was you murdered him?&#8221; he cried suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov smiled contemptuously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know of yourself, for a fact, that it wasn't I murdered him. And I should have thought that there was no need for a sensible man to speak of it again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why, why had you such a suspicion about me at the time?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As you know already, it was simply from fear. For I was in such a position, shaking with fear, that I suspected every one. I resolved to sound you, too, for I thought if you wanted the same as your brother, then the business was as good as settled and I should be crushed like a fly, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Look here, you didn't say that a fortnight ago.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I meant the same when I talked to you in the hospital, only I thought you'd understand without wasting words, and that being such a sensible man you wouldn't care to talk of it openly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What next! Come answer, answer, I insist: what was it ... what could I have done to put such a degrading suspicion into your mean soul?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As for the murder, you couldn't have done that and didn't want to, but as for wanting some one else to do it, that was just what you did want.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And how coolly, how coolly he speaks! But why should I have wanted it; what grounds had I for wanting it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What grounds had you? What about the inheritance?&#8221; said Smerdyakov sarcastically, and, as it were, vindictively. &#8220;Why, after your parent's death there was at least forty thousand to come to each of you, and very likely more, but if Fyodor Pavlovitch got married then to that lady, Agrafena Alexandrovna, she would have had all his capital made over to her directly after the wedding, for she's plenty of sense, so that your parent would not have left you two roubles between the three of you. And were they far from a wedding, either? Not a hair's-breadth: that lady had only to lift her little finger and he would have run after her to church, with his tongue out.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan restrained himself with painful effort.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very good,&#8221; he commented at last. &#8220;You see, I haven't jumped up, I haven't knocked you down, I haven't killed you. Speak on. So, according to you, I had fixed on Dmitri to do it; I was reckoning on him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How could you help reckoning on him? If he killed him, then he would lose all the rights of a nobleman, his rank and property, and would go off to exile; so his share of the inheritance would come to you and your brother Alexey Fyodorovitch in equal parts; so you'd each have not forty, but sixty thousand each. There's not a doubt you did reckon on Dmitri Fyodorovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What I put up with from you! Listen, scoundrel, if I had reckoned on anyone then, it would have been on you, not on Dmitri, and I swear I did expect some wickedness from you ... at the time.... I remember my impression!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I thought, too, for a minute, at the time, that you were reckoning on me as well,&#8221; said Smerdyakov, with a sarcastic grin. &#8220;So that it was just by that more than anything you showed me what was in your mind. For if you had a foreboding about me and yet went away, you as good as said to me, &#8216;You can murder my parent, I won't hinder you!' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You scoundrel! So that's how you understood it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was all that going to Tchermashnya. Why! You were meaning to go to Moscow and refused all your father's entreaties to go to Tchermashnya&#8212;and simply at a foolish word from me you consented at once! What reason had you to consent to Tchermashnya? Since you went to Tchermashnya with no reason, simply at my word, it shows that you must have expected something from me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I swear I didn't!&#8221; shouted Ivan, grinding his teeth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You didn't? Then you ought, as your father's son, to have had me taken to the lock-up and thrashed at once for my words then ... or at least, to have given me a punch in the face on the spot, but you were not a bit angry, if you please, and at once in a friendly way acted on my foolish word and went away, which was utterly absurd, for you ought to have stayed to save your parent's life. How could I help drawing my conclusions?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan sat scowling, both his fists convulsively pressed on his knees.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I am sorry I didn't punch you in the face,&#8221; he said with a bitter smile. &#8220;I couldn't have taken you to the lock-up just then. Who would have believed me and what charge could I bring against you? But the punch in the face ... oh, I'm sorry I didn't think of it. Though blows are forbidden, I should have pounded your ugly face to a jelly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov looked at him almost with relish.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the ordinary occasions of life,&#8221; he said in the same complacent and sententious tone in which he had taunted Grigory and argued with him about religion at Fyodor Pavlovitch's table, &#8220;in the ordinary occasions of life, blows on the face are forbidden nowadays by law, and people have given them up, but in exceptional occasions of life people still fly to blows, not only among us but all over the world, be it even the fullest Republic of France, just as in the time of Adam and Eve, and they never will leave off, but you, even in an exceptional case, did not dare.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you learning French words for?&#8221; Ivan nodded towards the exercise-book lying on the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why shouldn't I learn them so as to improve my education, supposing that I may myself chance to go some day to those happy parts of Europe?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, monster.&#8221; Ivan's eyes flashed and he trembled all over. &#8220;I am not afraid of your accusations; you can say what you like about me, and if I don't beat you to death, it's simply because I suspect you of that crime and I'll drag you to justice. I'll unmask you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To my thinking, you'd better keep quiet, for what can you accuse me of, considering my absolute innocence? and who would believe you? Only if you begin, I shall tell everything, too, for I must defend myself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you think I am afraid of you now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If the court doesn't believe all I've said to you just now, the public will, and you will be ashamed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's as much as to say, &#8216;It's always worth while speaking to a sensible man,' eh?&#8221; snarled Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You hit the mark, indeed. And you'd better be sensible.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan got up, shaking all over with indignation, put on his coat, and without replying further to Smerdyakov, without even looking at him, walked quickly out of the cottage. The cool evening air refreshed him. There was a bright moon in the sky. A nightmare of ideas and sensations filled his soul. &#8220;Shall I go at once and give information against Smerdyakov? But what information can I give? He is not guilty, anyway. On the contrary, he'll accuse me. And in fact, why did I set off for Tchermashnya then? What for? What for?&#8221; Ivan asked himself. &#8220;Yes, of course, I was expecting something and he is right....&#8221; And he remembered for the hundredth time how, on the last night in his father's house, he had listened on the stairs. But he remembered it now with such anguish that he stood still on the spot as though he had been stabbed. &#8220;Yes, I expected it then, that's true! I wanted the murder, I did want the murder! Did I want the murder? Did I want it? I must kill Smerdyakov! If I don't dare kill Smerdyakov now, life is not worth living!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan did not go home, but went straight to Katerina Ivanovna and alarmed her by his appearance. He was like a madman. He repeated all his conversation with Smerdyakov, every syllable of it. He couldn't be calmed, however much she tried to soothe him: he kept walking about the room, speaking strangely, disconnectedly. At last he sat down, put his elbows on the table, leaned his head on his hands and pronounced this strange sentence: &#8220;If it's not Dmitri, but Smerdyakov who's the murderer, I share his guilt, for I put him up to it. Whether I did, I don't know yet. But if he is the murderer, and not Dmitri, then, of course, I am the murderer, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Katerina Ivanovna heard that, she got up from her seat without a word, went to her writing-table, opened a box standing on it, took out a sheet of paper and laid it before Ivan. This was the document of which Ivan spoke to Alyosha later on as a &#8220;conclusive proof&#8221; that Dmitri had killed his father. It was the letter written by Mitya to Katerina Ivanovna when he was drunk, on the very evening he met Alyosha at the crossroads on the way to the monastery, after the scene at Katerina Ivanovna's, when Grushenka had insulted her. Then, parting from Alyosha, Mitya had rushed to Grushenka. I don't know whether he saw her, but in the evening he was at the &#8220;Metropolis,&#8221; where he got thoroughly drunk. Then he asked for pen and paper and wrote a document of weighty consequences to himself. It was a wordy, disconnected, frantic letter, a drunken letter in fact. It was like the talk of a drunken man, who, on his return home, begins with extraordinary heat telling his wife or one of his household how he has just been insulted, what a rascal had just insulted him, what a fine fellow he is on the other hand, and how he will pay that scoundrel out; and all that at great length, with great excitement and incoherence, with drunken tears and blows on the table. The letter was written on a dirty piece of ordinary paper of the cheapest kind. It had been provided by the tavern and there were figures scrawled on the back of it. There was evidently not space enough for his drunken verbosity and Mitya not only filled the margins but had written the last line right across the rest. The letter ran as follows:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;FATAL KATYA: To-morrow I will get the money and repay your three thousand and farewell, woman of great wrath, but farewell, too, my love! Let us make an end! To-morrow I shall try and get it from every one, and if I can't borrow it, I give you my word of honor I shall go to my father and break his skull and take the money from under the pillow, if only Ivan has gone. If I have to go to Siberia for it, I'll give you back your three thousand. And farewell. I bow down to the ground before you, for I've been a scoundrel to you. Forgive me! No, better not forgive me, you'll be happier and so shall I! Better Siberia than your love, for I love another woman and you got to know her too well to-day, so how can you forgive? I will murder the man who's robbed me! I'll leave you all and go to the East so as to see no one again. Not &lt;i&gt;her&lt;/i&gt; either, for you are not my only tormentress; she is too. Farewell!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt; P.S.&#8212;I write my curse, but I adore you! I hear it in my heart. One string is left, and it vibrates. Better tear my heart in two! I shall kill myself, but first of all that cur. I shall tear three thousand from him and fling it to you. Though I've been a scoundrel to you, I am not a thief! You can expect three thousand. The cur keeps it under his mattress, in pink ribbon. I am not a thief, but I'll murder my thief. Katya, don't look disdainful. Dmitri is not a thief! but a murderer! He has murdered his father and ruined himself to hold his ground, rather than endure your pride. And he doesn't love you.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt; P.P.S.&#8212;I kiss your feet, farewell! P.P.P.S.&#8212;Katya, pray to God that some one'll give me the money. Then I shall not be steeped in gore, and if no one does&#8212;I shall! Kill me!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Your slave and enemy,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
D. KARAMAZOV.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When Ivan read this &#8220;document&#8221; he was convinced. So then it was his brother, not Smerdyakov. And if not Smerdyakov, then not he, Ivan. This letter at once assumed in his eyes the aspect of a logical proof. There could be no longer the slightest doubt of Mitya's guilt. The suspicion never occurred to Ivan, by the way, that Mitya might have committed the murder in conjunction with Smerdyakov, and, indeed, such a theory did not fit in with the facts. Ivan was completely reassured. The next morning he only thought of Smerdyakov and his gibes with contempt. A few days later he positively wondered how he could have been so horribly distressed at his suspicions. He resolved to dismiss him with contempt and forget him. So passed a month. He made no further inquiry about Smerdyakov, but twice he happened to hear that he was very ill and out of his mind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He'll end in madness,&#8221; the young doctor Varvinsky observed about him, and Ivan remembered this. During the last week of that month Ivan himself began to feel very ill. He went to consult the Moscow doctor who had been sent for by Katerina Ivanovna just before the trial. And just at that time his relations with Katerina Ivanovna became acutely strained. They were like two enemies in love with one another. Katerina Ivanovna's &#8220;returns&#8221; to Mitya, that is, her brief but violent revulsions of feeling in his favor, drove Ivan to perfect frenzy. Strange to say, until that last scene described above, when Alyosha came from Mitya to Katerina Ivanovna, Ivan had never once, during that month, heard her express a doubt of Mitya's guilt, in spite of those &#8220;returns&#8221; that were so hateful to him. It is remarkable, too, that while he felt that he hated Mitya more and more every day, he realized that it was not on account of Katya's &#8220;returns&#8221; that he hated him, but just &lt;i&gt;because he was the murderer of his father&lt;/i&gt;. He was conscious of this and fully recognized it to himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nevertheless, he went to see Mitya ten days before the trial and proposed to him a plan of escape&#8212;a plan he had obviously thought over a long time. He was partly impelled to do this by a sore place still left in his heart from a phrase of Smerdyakov's, that it was to his, Ivan's, advantage that his brother should be convicted, as that would increase his inheritance and Alyosha's from forty to sixty thousand roubles. He determined to sacrifice thirty thousand on arranging Mitya's escape. On his return from seeing him, he was very mournful and dispirited; he suddenly began to feel that he was anxious for Mitya's escape, not only to heal that sore place by sacrificing thirty thousand, but for another reason. &#8220;Is it because I am as much a murderer at heart?&#8221; he asked himself. Something very deep down seemed burning and rankling in his soul. His pride above all suffered cruelly all that month. But of that later....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When, after his conversation with Alyosha, Ivan suddenly decided with his hand on the bell of his lodging to go to Smerdyakov, he obeyed a sudden and peculiar impulse of indignation. He suddenly remembered how Katerina Ivanovna had only just cried out to him in Alyosha's presence: &#8220;It was you, you, persuaded me of his&#8221; (that is, Mitya's) &#8220;guilt!&#8221; Ivan was thunderstruck when he recalled it. He had never once tried to persuade her that Mitya was the murderer; on the contrary, he had suspected himself in her presence, that time when he came back from Smerdyakov. It was &lt;i&gt;she&lt;/i&gt;, she, who had produced that &#8220;document&#8221; and proved his brother's guilt. And now she suddenly exclaimed: &#8220;I've been at Smerdyakov's myself!&#8221; When had she been there? Ivan had known nothing of it. So she was not at all so sure of Mitya's guilt! And what could Smerdyakov have told her? What, what, had he said to her? His heart burned with violent anger. He could not understand how he could, half an hour before, have let those words pass and not have cried out at the moment. He let go of the bell and rushed off to Smerdyakov. &#8220;I shall kill him, perhaps, this time,&#8221; he thought on the way.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII. THE THIRD AND LAST INTERVIEW WITH SMERDYAKOV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When he was half-way there, the keen dry wind that had been blowing early that morning rose again, and a fine dry snow began falling thickly. It did not lie on the ground, but was whirled about by the wind, and soon there was a regular snowstorm. There were scarcely any lamp-posts in the part of the town where Smerdyakov lived. Ivan strode alone in the darkness, unconscious of the storm, instinctively picking out his way. His head ached and there was a painful throbbing in his temples. He felt that his hands were twitching convulsively. Not far from Marya Kondratyevna's cottage, Ivan suddenly came upon a solitary drunken little peasant. He was wearing a coarse and patched coat, and was walking in zigzags, grumbling and swearing to himself. Then suddenly he would begin singing in a husky drunken voice:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Ach, Vanka's gone to Petersburg;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I won't wait till he comes back.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But he broke off every time at the second line and began swearing again; then he would begin the same song again. Ivan felt an intense hatred for him before he had thought about him at all. Suddenly he realized his presence and felt an irresistible impulse to knock him down. At that moment they met, and the peasant with a violent lurch fell full tilt against Ivan, who pushed him back furiously. The peasant went flying backwards and fell like a log on the frozen ground. He uttered one plaintive &#8220;O&#8212;oh!&#8221; and then was silent. Ivan stepped up to him. He was lying on his back, without movement or consciousness. &#8220;He will be frozen,&#8221; thought Ivan, and he went on his way to Smerdyakov's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the passage, Marya Kondratyevna, who ran out to open the door with a candle in her hand, whispered that Smerdyakov was very ill, &#8220;It's not that he's laid up, but he seems not himself, and he even told us to take the tea away; he wouldn't have any.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, does he make a row?&#8221; asked Ivan coarsely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, dear, no, quite the contrary, he's very quiet. Only please don't talk to him too long,&#8221; Marya Kondratyevna begged him. Ivan opened the door and stepped into the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was over-heated as before, but there were changes in the room. One of the benches at the side had been removed, and in its place had been put a large old mahogany leather sofa, on which a bed had been made up, with fairly clean white pillows. Smerdyakov was sitting on the sofa, wearing the same dressing-gown. The table had been brought out in front of the sofa, so that there was hardly room to move. On the table lay a thick book in yellow cover, but Smerdyakov was not reading it. He seemed to be sitting doing nothing. He met Ivan with a slow silent gaze, and was apparently not at all surprised at his coming. There was a great change in his face; he was much thinner and sallower. His eyes were sunken and there were blue marks under them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, you really are ill?&#8221; Ivan stopped short. &#8220;I won't keep you long, I won't even take off my coat. Where can one sit down?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He went to the other end of the table, moved up a chair and sat down on it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why do you look at me without speaking? I've only come with one question, and I swear I won't go without an answer. Has the young lady, Katerina Ivanovna, been with you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov still remained silent, looking quietly at Ivan as before. Suddenly, with a motion of his hand, he turned his face away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's the matter with you?&#8221; cried Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean by &#8216;nothing'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, she has. It's no matter to you. Let me alone.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I won't let you alone. Tell me, when was she here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, I'd quite forgotten about her,&#8221; said Smerdyakov, with a scornful smile, and turning his face to Ivan again, he stared at him with a look of frenzied hatred, the same look that he had fixed on him at their last interview, a month before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You seem very ill yourself, your face is sunken; you don't look like yourself,&#8221; he said to Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never mind my health, tell me what I ask you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why are your eyes so yellow? The whites are quite yellow. Are you so worried?&#8221; He smiled contemptuously and suddenly laughed outright.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen; I've told you I won't go away without an answer!&#8221; Ivan cried, intensely irritated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why do you keep pestering me? Why do you torment me?&#8221; said Smerdyakov, with a look of suffering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Damn it! I've nothing to do with you. Just answer my question and I'll go away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've no answer to give you,&#8221; said Smerdyakov, looking down again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You may be sure I'll make you answer!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are you so uneasy?&#8221; Smerdyakov stared at him, not simply with contempt, but almost with repulsion. &#8220;Is this because the trial begins to-morrow? Nothing will happen to you; can't you believe that at last? Go home, go to bed and sleep in peace, don't be afraid of anything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't understand you.... What have I to be afraid of to-morrow?&#8221; Ivan articulated in astonishment, and suddenly a chill breath of fear did in fact pass over his soul. Smerdyakov measured him with his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't understand?&#8221; he drawled reproachfully. &#8220;It's a strange thing a sensible man should care to play such a farce!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan looked at him speechless. The startling, incredibly supercilious tone of this man who had once been his valet, was extraordinary in itself. He had not taken such a tone even at their last interview.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I tell you, you've nothing to be afraid of. I won't say anything about you; there's no proof against you. I say, how your hands are trembling! Why are your fingers moving like that? Go home, &lt;i&gt;you&lt;/i&gt; did not murder him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan started. He remembered Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know it was not I,&#8221; he faltered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you?&#8221; Smerdyakov caught him up again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan jumped up and seized him by the shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell me everything, you viper! Tell me everything!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov was not in the least scared. He only riveted his eyes on Ivan with insane hatred.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, it was you who murdered him, if that's it,&#8221; he whispered furiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan sank back on his chair, as though pondering something. He laughed malignantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You mean my going away. What you talked about last time?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You stood before me last time and understood it all, and you understand it now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All I understand is that you are mad.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aren't you tired of it? Here we are face to face; what's the use of going on keeping up a farce to each other? Are you still trying to throw it all on me, to my face? &lt;i&gt;You&lt;/i&gt; murdered him; you are the real murderer, I was only your instrument, your faithful servant, and it was following your words I did it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Did&lt;/i&gt; it? Why, did you murder him?&#8221; Ivan turned cold.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Something seemed to give way in his brain, and he shuddered all over with a cold shiver. Then Smerdyakov himself looked at him wonderingly; probably the genuineness of Ivan's horror struck him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't mean to say you really did not know?&#8221; he faltered mistrustfully, looking with a forced smile into his eyes. Ivan still gazed at him, and seemed unable to speak.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Ach, Vanka's gone to Petersburg;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I won't wait till he comes back,&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;suddenly echoed in his head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know, I am afraid that you are a dream, a phantom sitting before me,&#8221; he muttered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's no phantom here, but only us two and one other. No doubt he is here, that third, between us.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who is he? Who is here? What third person?&#8221; Ivan cried in alarm, looking about him, his eyes hastily searching in every corner.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That third is God Himself&#8212;Providence. He is the third beside us now. Only don't look for Him, you won't find Him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's a lie that you killed him!&#8221; Ivan cried madly. &#8220;You are mad, or teasing me again!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov, as before, watched him curiously, with no sign of fear. He could still scarcely get over his incredulity; he still fancied that Ivan knew everything and was trying to &#8220;throw it all on him to his face.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wait a minute,&#8221; he said at last in a weak voice, and suddenly bringing up his left leg from under the table, he began turning up his trouser leg. He was wearing long white stockings and slippers. Slowly he took off his garter and fumbled to the bottom of his stocking. Ivan gazed at him, and suddenly shuddered in a paroxysm of terror.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's mad!&#8221; he cried, and rapidly jumping up, he drew back, so that he knocked his back against the wall and stood up against it, stiff and straight. He looked with insane terror at Smerdyakov, who, entirely unaffected by his terror, continued fumbling in his stocking, as though he were making an effort to get hold of something with his fingers and pull it out. At last he got hold of it and began pulling it out. Ivan saw that it was a piece of paper, or perhaps a roll of papers. Smerdyakov pulled it out and laid it on the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here,&#8221; he said quietly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it?&#8221; asked Ivan, trembling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kindly look at it,&#8221; Smerdyakov answered, still in the same low tone.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan stepped up to the table, took up the roll of paper and began unfolding it, but suddenly he drew back his fingers, as though from contact with a loathsome reptile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your hands keep twitching,&#8221; observed Smerdyakov, and he deliberately unfolded the bundle himself. Under the wrapper were three packets of hundred-rouble notes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They are all here, all the three thousand roubles; you need not count them. Take them,&#8221; Smerdyakov suggested to Ivan, nodding at the notes. Ivan sank back in his chair. He was as white as a handkerchief.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You frightened me ... with your stocking,&#8221; he said, with a strange grin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Can you really not have known till now?&#8221; Smerdyakov asked once more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I did not know. I kept thinking of Dmitri. Brother, brother! Ach!&#8221; He suddenly clutched his head in both hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen. Did you kill him alone? With my brother's help or without?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was only with you, with your help, I killed him, and Dmitri Fyodorovitch is quite innocent.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right, all right. Talk about me later. Why do I keep on trembling? I can't speak properly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You were bold enough then. You said &#8216;everything was lawful,' and how frightened you are now,&#8221; Smerdyakov muttered in surprise. &#8220;Won't you have some lemonade? I'll ask for some at once. It's very refreshing. Only I must hide this first.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And again he motioned at the notes. He was just going to get up and call at the door to Marya Kondratyevna to make some lemonade and bring it them, but, looking for something to cover up the notes that she might not see them, he first took out his handkerchief, and as it turned out to be very dirty, took up the big yellow book that Ivan had noticed at first lying on the table, and put it over the notes. The book was &lt;i&gt;The Sayings of the Holy Father Isaac the Syrian&lt;/i&gt;. Ivan read it mechanically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I won't have any lemonade,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Talk of me later. Sit down and tell me how you did it. Tell me all about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'd better take off your greatcoat, or you'll be too hot.&#8221; Ivan, as though he'd only just thought of it, took off his coat, and, without getting up from his chair, threw it on the bench.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Speak, please, speak.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He seemed calmer. He waited, feeling sure that Smerdyakov would tell him &lt;i&gt;all&lt;/i&gt; about it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How it was done?&#8221; sighed Smerdyakov. &#8220;It was done in a most natural way, following your very words.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of my words later,&#8221; Ivan broke in again, apparently with complete self-possession, firmly uttering his words, and not shouting as before. &#8220;Only tell me in detail how you did it. Everything, as it happened. Don't forget anything. The details, above everything, the details, I beg you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'd gone away, then I fell into the cellar.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In a fit or in a sham one?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A sham one, naturally. I shammed it all. I went quietly down the steps to the very bottom and lay down quietly, and as I lay down I gave a scream, and struggled, till they carried me out.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay! And were you shamming all along, afterwards, and in the hospital?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, not at all. Next day, in the morning, before they took me to the hospital, I had a real attack and a more violent one than I've had for years. For two days I was quite unconscious.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right, all right. Go on.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They laid me on the bed. I knew I'd be the other side of the partition, for whenever I was ill, Marfa Ignatyevna used to put me there, near them. She's always been very kind to me, from my birth up. At night I moaned, but quietly. I kept expecting Dmitri Fyodorovitch to come.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Expecting him? To come to you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not to me. I expected him to come into the house, for I'd no doubt that he'd come that night, for being without me and getting no news, he'd be sure to come and climb over the fence, as he used to, and do something.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And if he hadn't come?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then nothing would have happened. I should never have brought myself to it without him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right, all right ... speak more intelligibly, don't hurry; above all, don't leave anything out!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I expected him to kill Fyodor Pavlovitch. I thought that was certain, for I had prepared him for it ... during the last few days.... He knew about the knocks, that was the chief thing. With his suspiciousness and the fury which had been growing in him all those days, he was bound to get into the house by means of those taps. That was inevitable, so I was expecting him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay,&#8221; Ivan interrupted; &#8220;if he had killed him, he would have taken the money and carried it away; you must have considered that. What would you have got by it afterwards? I don't see.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But he would never have found the money. That was only what I told him, that the money was under the mattress. But that wasn't true. It had been lying in a box. And afterwards I suggested to Fyodor Pavlovitch, as I was the only person he trusted, to hide the envelope with the notes in the corner behind the ikons, for no one would have guessed that place, especially if they came in a hurry. So that's where the envelope lay, in the corner behind the ikons. It would have been absurd to keep it under the mattress; the box, anyway, could be locked. But all believe it was under the mattress. A stupid thing to believe. So if Dmitri Fyodorovitch had committed the murder, finding nothing, he would either have run away in a hurry, afraid of every sound, as always happens with murderers, or he would have been arrested. So I could always have clambered up to the ikons and have taken away the money next morning or even that night, and it would have all been put down to Dmitri Fyodorovitch. I could reckon upon that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what if he did not kill him, but only knocked him down?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If he did not kill him, of course, I would not have ventured to take the money, and nothing would have happened. But I calculated that he would beat him senseless, and I should have time to take it then, and then I'd make out to Fyodor Pavlovitch that it was no one but Dmitri Fyodorovitch who had taken the money after beating him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stop ... I am getting mixed. Then it was Dmitri after all who killed him; you only took the money?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, he didn't kill him. Well, I might as well have told you now that he was the murderer.... But I don't want to lie to you now, because ... because if you really haven't understood till now, as I see for myself, and are not pretending, so as to throw your guilt on me to my very face, you are still responsible for it all, since you knew of the murder and charged me to do it, and went away knowing all about it. And so I want to prove to your face this evening that you are the only real murderer in the whole affair, and I am not the real murderer, though I did kill him. You are the rightful murderer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, why, am I a murderer? Oh, God!&#8221; Ivan cried, unable to restrain himself at last, and forgetting that he had put off discussing himself till the end of the conversation. &#8220;You still mean that Tchermashnya? Stay, tell me, why did you want my consent, if you really took Tchermashnya for consent? How will you explain that now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Assured of your consent, I should have known that you wouldn't have made an outcry over those three thousand being lost, even if I'd been suspected, instead of Dmitri Fyodorovitch, or as his accomplice; on the contrary, you would have protected me from others.... And when you got your inheritance you would have rewarded me when you were able, all the rest of your life. For you'd have received your inheritance through me, seeing that if he had married Agrafena Alexandrovna, you wouldn't have had a farthing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! Then you intended to worry me all my life afterwards,&#8221; snarled Ivan. &#8220;And what if I hadn't gone away then, but had informed against you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What could you have informed? That I persuaded you to go to Tchermashnya? That's all nonsense. Besides, after our conversation you would either have gone away or have stayed. If you had stayed, nothing would have happened. I should have known that you didn't want it done, and should have attempted nothing. As you went away, it meant you assured me that you wouldn't dare to inform against me at the trial, and that you'd overlook my having the three thousand. And, indeed, you couldn't have prosecuted me afterwards, because then I should have told it all in the court; that is, not that I had stolen the money or killed him&#8212;I shouldn't have said that&#8212;but that you'd put me up to the theft and the murder, though I didn't consent to it. That's why I needed your consent, so that you couldn't have cornered me afterwards, for what proof could you have had? I could always have cornered you, revealing your eagerness for your father's death, and I tell you the public would have believed it all, and you would have been ashamed for the rest of your life.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Was I then so eager, was I?&#8221; Ivan snarled again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be sure you were, and by your consent you silently sanctioned my doing it.&#8221; Smerdyakov looked resolutely at Ivan. He was very weak and spoke slowly and wearily, but some hidden inner force urged him on. He evidently had some design. Ivan felt that.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go on,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Tell me what happened that night.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What more is there to tell! I lay there and I thought I heard the master shout. And before that Grigory Vassilyevitch had suddenly got up and came out, and he suddenly gave a scream, and then all was silence and darkness. I lay there waiting, my heart beating; I couldn't bear it. I got up at last, went out. I saw the window open on the left into the garden, and I stepped to the left to listen whether he was sitting there alive, and I heard the master moving about, sighing, so I knew he was alive. &#8216;Ech!' I thought. I went to the window and shouted to the master, &#8216;It's I.' And he shouted to me, &#8216;He's been, he's been; he's run away.' He meant Dmitri Fyodorovitch had been. &#8216;He's killed Grigory!' &#8216;Where?' I whispered. &#8216;There, in the corner,' he pointed. He was whispering, too. &#8216;Wait a bit,' I said. I went to the corner of the garden to look, and there I came upon Grigory Vassilyevitch lying by the wall, covered with blood, senseless. So it's true that Dmitri Fyodorovitch has been here, was the thought that came into my head, and I determined on the spot to make an end of it, as Grigory Vassilyevitch, even if he were alive, would see nothing of it, as he lay there senseless. The only risk was that Marfa Ignatyevna might wake up. I felt that at the moment, but the longing to get it done came over me, till I could scarcely breathe. I went back to the window to the master and said, &#8216;She's here, she's come; Agrafena Alexandrovna has come, wants to be let in.' And he started like a baby. &#8216;Where is she?' he fairly gasped, but couldn't believe it. &#8216;She's standing there,' said I. &#8216;Open.' He looked out of the window at me, half believing and half distrustful, but afraid to open. &#8216;Why, he is afraid of me now,' I thought. And it was funny. I bethought me to knock on the window-frame those taps we'd agreed upon as a signal that Grushenka had come, in his presence, before his eyes. He didn't seem to believe my word, but as soon as he heard the taps, he ran at once to open the door. He opened it. I would have gone in, but he stood in the way to prevent me passing. &#8216;Where is she? Where is she?' He looked at me, all of a tremble. &#8216;Well,' thought I, &#8216;if he's so frightened of me as all that, it's a bad look out!' And my legs went weak with fright that he wouldn't let me in or would call out, or Marfa Ignatyevna would run up, or something else might happen. I don't remember now, but I must have stood pale, facing him. I whispered to him, &#8216;Why, she's there, there, under the window; how is it you don't see her?' I said. &#8216;Bring her then, bring her.' &#8216;She's afraid,' said I; &#8216;she was frightened at the noise, she's hidden in the bushes; go and call to her yourself from the study.' He ran to the window, put the candle in the window. &#8216;Grushenka,' he cried, &#8216;Grushenka, are you here?' Though he cried that, he didn't want to lean out of the window, he didn't want to move away from me, for he was panic-stricken; he was so frightened he didn't dare to turn his back on me. &#8216;Why, here she is,' said I. I went up to the window and leaned right out of it. &#8216;Here she is; she's in the bush, laughing at you, don't you see her?' He suddenly believed it; he was all of a shake&#8212;he was awfully crazy about her&#8212;and he leaned right out of the window. I snatched up that iron paper-weight from his table; do you remember, weighing about three pounds? I swung it and hit him on the top of the skull with the corner of it. He didn't even cry out. He only sank down suddenly, and I hit him again and a third time. And the third time I knew I'd broken his skull. He suddenly rolled on his back, face upwards, covered with blood. I looked round. There was no blood on me, not a spot. I wiped the paper-weight, put it back, went up to the ikons, took the money out of the envelope, and flung the envelope on the floor and the pink ribbon beside it. I went out into the garden all of a tremble, straight to the apple-tree with a hollow in it&#8212;you know that hollow. I'd marked it long before and put a rag and a piece of paper ready in it. I wrapped all the notes in the rag and stuffed it deep down in the hole. And there it stayed for over a fortnight. I took it out later, when I came out of the hospital. I went back to my bed, lay down and thought, &#8216;If Grigory Vassilyevitch has been killed outright it may be a bad job for me, but if he is not killed and recovers, it will be first-rate, for then he'll bear witness that Dmitri Fyodorovitch has been here, and so he must have killed him and taken the money.' Then I began groaning with suspense and impatience, so as to wake Marfa Ignatyevna as soon as possible. At last she got up and she rushed to me, but when she saw Grigory Vassilyevitch was not there, she ran out, and I heard her scream in the garden. And that set it all going and set my mind at rest.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He stopped. Ivan had listened all the time in dead silence without stirring or taking his eyes off him. As he told his story Smerdyakov glanced at him from time to time, but for the most part kept his eyes averted. When he had finished he was evidently agitated and was breathing hard. The perspiration stood out on his face. But it was impossible to tell whether it was remorse he was feeling, or what.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay,&#8221; cried Ivan, pondering. &#8220;What about the door? If he only opened the door to you, how could Grigory have seen it open before? For Grigory saw it before you went.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was remarkable that Ivan spoke quite amicably, in a different tone, not angry as before, so if anyone had opened the door at that moment and peeped in at them, he would certainly have concluded that they were talking peaceably about some ordinary, though interesting, subject.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As for that door and Grigory Vassilyevitch's having seen it open, that's only his fancy,&#8221; said Smerdyakov, with a wry smile. &#8220;He is not a man, I assure you, but an obstinate mule. He didn't see it, but fancied he had seen it, and there's no shaking him. It's just our luck he took that notion into his head, for they can't fail to convict Dmitri Fyodorovitch after that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen ...&#8221; said Ivan, beginning to seem bewildered again and making an effort to grasp something. &#8220;Listen. There are a lot of questions I want to ask you, but I forget them ... I keep forgetting and getting mixed up. Yes. Tell me this at least, why did you open the envelope and leave it there on the floor? Why didn't you simply carry off the envelope?... When you were telling me, I thought you spoke about it as though it were the right thing to do ... but why, I can't understand....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I did that for a good reason. For if a man had known all about it, as I did for instance, if he'd seen those notes before, and perhaps had put them in that envelope himself, and had seen the envelope sealed up and addressed, with his own eyes, if such a man had done the murder, what should have made him tear open the envelope afterwards, especially in such desperate haste, since he'd know for certain the notes must be in the envelope? No, if the robber had been someone like me, he'd simply have put the envelope straight in his pocket and got away with it as fast as he could. But it'd be quite different with Dmitri Fyodorovitch. He only knew about the envelope by hearsay; he had never seen it, and if he'd found it, for instance, under the mattress, he'd have torn it open as quickly as possible to make sure the notes were in it. And he'd have thrown the envelope down, without having time to think that it would be evidence against him. Because he was not an habitual thief and had never directly stolen anything before, for he is a gentleman born, and if he did bring himself to steal, it would not be regular stealing, but simply taking what was his own, for he'd told the whole town he meant to before, and had even bragged aloud before every one that he'd go and take his property from Fyodor Pavlovitch. I didn't say that openly to the prosecutor when I was being examined, but quite the contrary, I brought him to it by a hint, as though I didn't see it myself, and as though he'd thought of it himself and I hadn't prompted him; so that Mr. Prosecutor's mouth positively watered at my suggestion.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But can you possibly have thought of all that on the spot?&#8221; cried Ivan, overcome with astonishment. He looked at Smerdyakov again with alarm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mercy on us! Could anyone think of it all in such a desperate hurry? It was all thought out beforehand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well ... well, it was the devil helped you!&#8221; Ivan cried again. &#8220;No, you are not a fool, you are far cleverer than I thought....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He got up, obviously intending to walk across the room. He was in terrible distress. But as the table blocked his way, and there was hardly room to pass between the table and the wall, he only turned round where he stood and sat down again. Perhaps the impossibility of moving irritated him, as he suddenly cried out almost as furiously as before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, you miserable, contemptible creature! Don't you understand that if I haven't killed you, it's simply because I am keeping you to answer to-morrow at the trial. God sees,&#8221; Ivan raised his hand, &#8220;perhaps I, too, was guilty; perhaps I really had a secret desire for my father's ... death, but I swear I was not as guilty as you think, and perhaps I didn't urge you on at all. No, no, I didn't urge you on! But no matter, I will give evidence against myself to-morrow at the trial. I'm determined to! I shall tell everything, everything. But we'll make our appearance together. And whatever you may say against me at the trial, whatever evidence you give, I'll face it; I am not afraid of you. I'll confirm it all myself! But you must confess, too! You must, you must; we'll go together. That's how it shall be!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan said this solemnly and resolutely and from his flashing eyes alone it could be seen that it would be so.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are ill, I see; you are quite ill. Your eyes are yellow,&#8221; Smerdyakov commented, without the least irony, with apparent sympathy in fact.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We'll go together,&#8221; Ivan repeated. &#8220;And if you won't go, no matter, I'll go alone.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov paused as though pondering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There'll be nothing of the sort, and you won't go,&#8221; he concluded at last positively.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't understand me,&#8221; Ivan exclaimed reproachfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'll be too much ashamed, if you confess it all. And, what's more, it will be no use at all, for I shall say straight out that I never said anything of the sort to you, and that you are either ill (and it looks like it, too), or that you're so sorry for your brother that you are sacrificing yourself to save him and have invented it all against me, for you've always thought no more of me than if I'd been a fly. And who will believe you, and what single proof have you got?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, you showed me those notes just now to convince me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Smerdyakov lifted the book off the notes and laid it on one side.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Take that money away with you,&#8221; Smerdyakov sighed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course, I shall take it. But why do you give it to me, if you committed the murder for the sake of it?&#8221; Ivan looked at him with great surprise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't want it,&#8221; Smerdyakov articulated in a shaking voice, with a gesture of refusal. &#8220;I did have an idea of beginning a new life with that money in Moscow or, better still, abroad. I did dream of it, chiefly because &#8216;all things are lawful.' That was quite right what you taught me, for you talked a lot to me about that. For if there's no everlasting God, there's no such thing as virtue, and there's no need of it. You were right there. So that's how I looked at it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did you come to that of yourself?&#8221; asked Ivan, with a wry smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;With your guidance.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And now, I suppose, you believe in God, since you are giving back the money?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I don't believe,&#8221; whispered Smerdyakov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then why are you giving it back?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Leave off ... that's enough!&#8221; Smerdyakov waved his hand again. &#8220;You used to say yourself that everything was lawful, so now why are you so upset, too? You even want to go and give evidence against yourself.... Only there'll be nothing of the sort! You won't go to give evidence,&#8221; Smerdyakov decided with conviction.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'll see,&#8221; said Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It isn't possible. You are very clever. You are fond of money, I know that. You like to be respected, too, for you're very proud; you are far too fond of female charms, too, and you mind most of all about living in undisturbed comfort, without having to depend on any one&#8212;that's what you care most about. You won't want to spoil your life for ever by taking such a disgrace on yourself. You are like Fyodor Pavlovitch, you are more like him than any of his children; you've the same soul as he had.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are not a fool,&#8221; said Ivan, seeming struck. The blood rushed to his face. &#8220;You are serious now!&#8221; he observed, looking suddenly at Smerdyakov with a different expression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was your pride made you think I was a fool. Take the money.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan took the three rolls of notes and put them in his pocket without wrapping them in anything.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall show them at the court to-morrow,&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nobody will believe you, as you've plenty of money of your own; you may simply have taken it out of your cash-box and brought it to the court.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan rose from his seat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I repeat,&#8221; he said, &#8220;the only reason I haven't killed you is that I need you for to-morrow, remember that, don't forget it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, kill me. Kill me now,&#8221; Smerdyakov said, all at once looking strangely at Ivan. &#8220;You won't dare do that even!&#8221; he added, with a bitter smile. &#8220;You won't dare to do anything, you, who used to be so bold!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Till to-morrow,&#8221; cried Ivan, and moved to go out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay a moment.... Show me those notes again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan took out the notes and showed them to him. Smerdyakov looked at them for ten seconds.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you can go,&#8221; he said, with a wave of his hand. &#8220;Ivan Fyodorovitch!&#8221; he called after him again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you want?&#8221; Ivan turned without stopping.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-by!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Till to-morrow!&#8221; Ivan cried again, and he walked out of the cottage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The snowstorm was still raging. He walked the first few steps boldly, but suddenly began staggering. &#8220;It's something physical,&#8221; he thought with a grin. Something like joy was springing up in his heart. He was conscious of unbounded resolution; he would make an end of the wavering that had so tortured him of late. His determination was taken, &#8220;and now it will not be changed,&#8221; he thought with relief. At that moment he stumbled against something and almost fell down. Stopping short, he made out at his feet the peasant he had knocked down, still lying senseless and motionless. The snow had almost covered his face. Ivan seized him and lifted him in his arms. Seeing a light in the little house to the right he went up, knocked at the shutters, and asked the man to whom the house belonged to help him carry the peasant to the police-station, promising him three roubles. The man got ready and came out. I won't describe in detail how Ivan succeeded in his object, bringing the peasant to the police-station and arranging for a doctor to see him at once, providing with a liberal hand for the expenses. I will only say that this business took a whole hour, but Ivan was well content with it. His mind wandered and worked incessantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If I had not taken my decision so firmly for to-morrow,&#8221; he reflected with satisfaction, &#8220;I should not have stayed a whole hour to look after the peasant, but should have passed by, without caring about his being frozen. I am quite capable of watching myself, by the way,&#8221; he thought at the same instant, with still greater satisfaction, &#8220;although they have decided that I am going out of my mind!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Just as he reached his own house he stopped short, asking himself suddenly hadn't he better go at once to the prosecutor and tell him everything. He decided the question by turning back to the house. &#8220;Everything together to-morrow!&#8221; he whispered to himself, and, strange to say, almost all his gladness and self-satisfaction passed in one instant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As he entered his own room he felt something like a touch of ice on his heart, like a recollection or, more exactly, a reminder, of something agonizing and revolting that was in that room now, at that moment, and had been there before. He sank wearily on his sofa. The old woman brought him a samovar; he made tea, but did not touch it. He sat on the sofa and felt giddy. He felt that he was ill and helpless. He was beginning to drop asleep, but got up uneasily and walked across the room to shake off his drowsiness. At moments he fancied he was delirious, but it was not illness that he thought of most. Sitting down again, he began looking round, as though searching for something. This happened several times. At last his eyes were fastened intently on one point. Ivan smiled, but an angry flush suffused his face. He sat a long time in his place, his head propped on both arms, though he looked sideways at the same point, at the sofa that stood against the opposite wall. There was evidently something, some object, that irritated him there, worried him and tormented him.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IX. THE DEVIL. IVAN'S NIGHTMARE&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I am not a doctor, but yet I feel that the moment has come when I must inevitably give the reader some account of the nature of Ivan's illness. Anticipating events I can say at least one thing: he was at that moment on the very eve of an attack of brain fever. Though his health had long been affected, it had offered a stubborn resistance to the fever which in the end gained complete mastery over it. Though I know nothing of medicine, I venture to hazard the suggestion that he really had perhaps, by a terrible effort of will, succeeded in delaying the attack for a time, hoping, of course, to check it completely. He knew that he was unwell, but he loathed the thought of being ill at that fatal time, at the approaching crisis in his life, when he needed to have all his wits about him, to say what he had to say boldly and resolutely and &#8220;to justify himself to himself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had, however, consulted the new doctor, who had been brought from Moscow by a fantastic notion of Katerina Ivanovna's to which I have referred already. After listening to him and examining him the doctor came to the conclusion that he was actually suffering from some disorder of the brain, and was not at all surprised by an admission which Ivan had reluctantly made him. &#8220;Hallucinations are quite likely in your condition,&#8221; the doctor opined, &#8220;though it would be better to verify them ... you must take steps at once, without a moment's delay, or things will go badly with you.&#8221; But Ivan did not follow this judicious advice and did not take to his bed to be nursed. &#8220;I am walking about, so I am strong enough, if I drop, it'll be different then, anyone may nurse me who likes,&#8221; he decided, dismissing the subject.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And so he was sitting almost conscious himself of his delirium and, as I have said already, looking persistently at some object on the sofa against the opposite wall. Some one appeared to be sitting there, though goodness knows how he had come in, for he had not been in the room when Ivan came into it, on his return from Smerdyakov. This was a person or, more accurately speaking, a Russian gentleman of a particular kind, no longer young, &lt;i&gt;qui faisait la cinquantaine&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb33&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;qui faisait la cinquantaine &#8211; who was in his fifties.&#034; id=&#034;nh33&#034;&gt;33&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, as the French say, with rather long, still thick, dark hair, slightly streaked with gray and a small pointed beard. He was wearing a brownish reefer jacket, rather shabby, evidently made by a good tailor though, and of a fashion at least three years old, that had been discarded by smart and well-to-do people for the last two years. His linen and his long scarf-like neck-tie were all such as are worn by people who aim at being stylish, but on closer inspection his linen was not over-clean and his wide scarf was very threadbare. The visitor's check trousers were of excellent cut, but were too light in color and too tight for the present fashion. His soft fluffy white hat was out of keeping with the season.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In brief there was every appearance of gentility on straitened means. It looked as though the gentleman belonged to that class of idle landowners who used to flourish in the times of serfdom. He had unmistakably been, at some time, in good and fashionable society, had once had good connections, had possibly preserved them indeed, but, after a gay youth, becoming gradually impoverished on the abolition of serfdom, he had sunk into the position of a poor relation of the best class, wandering from one good old friend to another and received by them for his companionable and accommodating disposition and as being, after all, a gentleman who could be asked to sit down with any one, though, of course, not in a place of honor. Such gentlemen of accommodating temper and dependent position, who can tell a story, take a hand at cards, and who have a distinct aversion for any duties that may be forced upon them, are usually solitary creatures, either bachelors or widowers. Sometimes they have children, but if so, the children are always being brought up at a distance, at some aunt's, to whom these gentlemen never allude in good society, seeming ashamed of the relationship. They gradually lose sight of their children altogether, though at intervals they receive a birthday or Christmas letter from them and sometimes even answer it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The countenance of the unexpected visitor was not so much good-natured, as accommodating and ready to assume any amiable expression as occasion might arise. He had no watch, but he had a tortoise-shell lorgnette on a black ribbon. On the middle finger of his right hand was a massive gold ring with a cheap opal stone in it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan was angrily silent and would not begin the conversation. The visitor waited and sat exactly like a poor relation who had come down from his room to keep his host company at tea, and was discreetly silent, seeing that his host was frowning and preoccupied. But he was ready for any affable conversation as soon as his host should begin it. All at once his face expressed a sudden solicitude.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I say,&#8221; he began to Ivan, &#8220;excuse me, I only mention it to remind you. You went to Smerdyakov's to find out about Katerina Ivanovna, but you came away without finding out anything about her, you probably forgot&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, yes,&#8221; broke from Ivan and his face grew gloomy with uneasiness. &#8220;Yes, I'd forgotten ... but it doesn't matter now, never mind, till to-morrow,&#8221; he muttered to himself, &#8220;and you,&#8221; he added, addressing his visitor, &#8220;I should have remembered that myself in a minute, for that was just what was tormenting me! Why do you interfere, as if I should believe that you prompted me, and that I didn't remember it of myself?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't believe it then,&#8221; said the gentleman, smiling amicably, &#8220;what's the good of believing against your will? Besides, proofs are no help to believing, especially material proofs. Thomas believed, not because he saw Christ risen, but because he wanted to believe, before he saw. Look at the spiritualists, for instance.... I am very fond of them ... only fancy, they imagine that they are serving the cause of religion, because the devils show them their horns from the other world. That, they say, is a material proof, so to speak, of the existence of another world. The other world and material proofs, what next! And if you come to that, does proving there's a devil prove that there's a God? I want to join an idealist society, I'll lead the opposition in it, I'll say I am a realist, but not a materialist, he he!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen,&#8221; Ivan suddenly got up from the table. &#8220;I seem to be delirious.... I am delirious, in fact, talk any nonsense you like, I don't care! You won't drive me to fury, as you did last time. But I feel somehow ashamed.... I want to walk about the room.... I sometimes don't see you and don't even hear your voice as I did last time, but I always guess what you are prating, for it's I, &lt;i&gt;I myself speaking, not you&lt;/i&gt;. Only I don't know whether I was dreaming last time or whether I really saw you. I'll wet a towel and put it on my head and perhaps you'll vanish into air.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan went into the corner, took a towel, and did as he said, and with a wet towel on his head began walking up and down the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am so glad you treat me so familiarly,&#8221; the visitor began.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fool,&#8221; laughed Ivan, &#8220;do you suppose I should stand on ceremony with you? I am in good spirits now, though I've a pain in my forehead ... and in the top of my head ... only please don't talk philosophy, as you did last time. If you can't take yourself off, talk of something amusing. Talk gossip, you are a poor relation, you ought to talk gossip. What a nightmare to have! But I am not afraid of you. I'll get the better of you. I won't be taken to a mad-house!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;C'est charmant, poor relation. Yes, I am in my natural shape. For what am I on earth but a poor relation? By the way, I am listening to you and am rather surprised to find you are actually beginning to take me for something real, not simply your fancy, as you persisted in declaring last time&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never for one minute have I taken you for reality,&#8221; Ivan cried with a sort of fury. &#8220;You are a lie, you are my illness, you are a phantom. It's only that I don't know how to destroy you and I see I must suffer for a time. You are my hallucination. You are the incarnation of myself, but only of one side of me ... of my thoughts and feelings, but only the nastiest and stupidest of them. From that point of view you might be of interest to me, if only I had time to waste on you&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me, excuse me, I'll catch you. When you flew out at Alyosha under the lamp-post this evening and shouted to him, &#8216;You learnt it from &lt;i&gt;him&lt;/i&gt;! How do you know that &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt; visits me?' you were thinking of me then. So for one brief moment you did believe that I really exist,&#8221; the gentleman laughed blandly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that was a moment of weakness ... but I couldn't believe in you. I don't know whether I was asleep or awake last time. Perhaps I was only dreaming then and didn't see you really at all&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And why were you so surly with Alyosha just now? He is a dear; I've treated him badly over Father Zossima.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't talk of Alyosha! How dare you, you flunkey!&#8221; Ivan laughed again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You scold me, but you laugh&#8212;that's a good sign. But you are ever so much more polite than you were last time and I know why: that great resolution of yours&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't speak of my resolution,&#8221; cried Ivan, savagely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I understand, I understand, &lt;i&gt;c'est noble, c'est charmant&lt;/i&gt;, you are going to defend your brother and to sacrifice yourself ... &lt;i&gt;C'est chevaleresque&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb34&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;C'est chevaleresque &#8211; it's knightly&#034; id=&#034;nh34&#034;&gt;34&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hold your tongue, I'll kick you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shan't be altogether sorry, for then my object will be attained. If you kick me, you must believe in my reality, for people don't kick ghosts. Joking apart, it doesn't matter to me, scold if you like, though it's better to be a trifle more polite even to me. &#8216;Fool, flunkey!' what words!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Scolding you, I scold myself,&#8221; Ivan laughed again, &#8220;you are myself, myself, only with a different face. You just say what I am thinking ... and are incapable of saying anything new!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If I am like you in my way of thinking, it's all to my credit,&#8221; the gentleman declared, with delicacy and dignity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You choose out only my worst thoughts, and what's more, the stupid ones. You are stupid and vulgar. You are awfully stupid. No, I can't put up with you! What am I to do, what am I to do?&#8221; Ivan said through his clenched teeth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear friend, above all things I want to behave like a gentleman and to be recognized as such,&#8221; the visitor began in an excess of deprecating and simple-hearted pride, typical of a poor relation. &#8220;I am poor, but ... I won't say very honest, but ... it's an axiom generally accepted in society that I am a fallen angel. I certainly can't conceive how I can ever have been an angel. If I ever was, it must have been so long ago that there's no harm in forgetting it. Now I only prize the reputation of being a gentlemanly person and live as I can, trying to make myself agreeable. I love men genuinely, I've been greatly calumniated! Here when I stay with you from time to time, my life gains a kind of reality and that's what I like most of all. You see, like you, I suffer from the fantastic and so I love the realism of earth. Here, with you, everything is circumscribed, here all is formulated and geometrical, while we have nothing but indeterminate equations! I wander about here dreaming. I like dreaming. Besides, on earth I become superstitious. Please don't laugh, that's just what I like, to become superstitious. I adopt all your habits here: I've grown fond of going to the public baths, would you believe it? and I go and steam myself with merchants and priests. What I dream of is becoming incarnate once for all and irrevocably in the form of some merchant's wife weighing eighteen stone, and of believing all she believes. My ideal is to go to church and offer a candle in simple-hearted faith, upon my word it is. Then there would be an end to my sufferings. I like being doctored too; in the spring there was an outbreak of smallpox and I went and was vaccinated in a foundling hospital&#8212;if only you knew how I enjoyed myself that day. I subscribed ten roubles in the cause of the Slavs!... But you are not listening. Do you know, you are not at all well this evening? I know you went yesterday to that doctor ... well, what about your health? What did the doctor say?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fool!&#8221; Ivan snapped out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you are clever, anyway. You are scolding again? I didn't ask out of sympathy. You needn't answer. Now rheumatism has come in again&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fool!&#8221; repeated Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You keep saying the same thing; but I had such an attack of rheumatism last year that I remember it to this day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The devil have rheumatism!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not, if I sometimes put on fleshly form? I put on fleshly form and I take the consequences. &lt;i&gt;Satan sum et nihil humanum a me alienum puto&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb35&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Satan sum et nihil humanum a me alienum puto &#8211; I am Satan and I consider (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh35&#034;&gt;35&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What, what, Satan &lt;i&gt;sum et nihil humanum&lt;/i&gt; ... that's not bad for the devil!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am glad I've pleased you at last.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you didn't get that from me.&#8221; Ivan stopped suddenly, seeming struck. &#8220;That never entered my head, that's strange.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;C'est du nouveau, n'est-ce pas?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb36&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;C'est du nouveau, n'est-ce pas? &#8211; That's new, isn't it?&#034; id=&#034;nh36&#034;&gt;36&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; This time I'll act honestly and explain to you. Listen, in dreams and especially in nightmares, from indigestion or anything, a man sees sometimes such artistic visions, such complex and real actuality, such events, even a whole world of events, woven into such a plot, with such unexpected details from the most exalted matters to the last button on a cuff, as I swear Leo Tolstoy has never invented. Yet such dreams are sometimes seen not by writers, but by the most ordinary people, officials, journalists, priests.... The subject is a complete enigma. A statesman confessed to me, indeed, that all his best ideas came to him when he was asleep. Well, that's how it is now, though I am your hallucination, yet just as in a nightmare, I say original things which had not entered your head before. So I don't repeat your ideas, yet I am only your nightmare, nothing more.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are lying, your aim is to convince me you exist apart and are not my nightmare, and now you are asserting you are a dream.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear fellow, I've adopted a special method to-day, I'll explain it to you afterwards. Stay, where did I break off? Oh, yes! I caught cold then, only not here but yonder.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where is yonder? Tell me, will you be here long? Can't you go away?&#8221; Ivan exclaimed almost in despair. He ceased walking to and fro, sat down on the sofa, leaned his elbows on the table again and held his head tight in both hands. He pulled the wet towel off and flung it away in vexation. It was evidently of no use.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your nerves are out of order,&#8221; observed the gentleman, with a carelessly easy, though perfectly polite, air. &#8220;You are angry with me even for being able to catch cold, though it happened in a most natural way. I was hurrying then to a diplomatic &lt;i&gt;soir&#233;e&lt;/i&gt; at the house of a lady of high rank in Petersburg, who was aiming at influence in the Ministry. Well, an evening suit, white tie, gloves, though I was God knows where and had to fly through space to reach your earth.... Of course, it took only an instant, but you know a ray of light from the sun takes full eight minutes, and fancy in an evening suit and open waistcoat. Spirits don't freeze, but when one's in fleshly form, well ... in brief, I didn't think, and set off, and you know in those ethereal spaces, in the water that is above the firmament, there's such a frost ... at least one can't call it frost, you can fancy, 150 degrees below zero! You know the game the village girls play&#8212;they invite the unwary to lick an ax in thirty degrees of frost, the tongue instantly freezes to it and the dupe tears the skin off, so it bleeds. But that's only in 30 degrees, in 150 degrees I imagine it would be enough to put your finger on the ax and it would be the end of it ... if only there could be an ax there.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And can there be an ax there?&#8221; Ivan interrupted, carelessly and disdainfully. He was exerting himself to the utmost not to believe in the delusion and not to sink into complete insanity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;An ax?&#8221; the guest interrupted in surprise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, what would become of an ax there?&#8221; Ivan cried suddenly, with a sort of savage and insistent obstinacy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What would become of an ax in space? &lt;i&gt;Quelle id&#233;e!&lt;/i&gt; If it were to fall to any distance, it would begin, I think, flying round the earth without knowing why, like a satellite. The astronomers would calculate the rising and the setting of the ax, &lt;i&gt;Gatzuk&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb37&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Gatzuk &#8211; a Russian astronomer known for publishing calendars&#034; id=&#034;nh37&#034;&gt;37&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; would put it in his calendar, that's all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are stupid, awfully stupid,&#8221; said Ivan peevishly. &#8220;Fib more cleverly or I won't listen. You want to get the better of me by realism, to convince me that you exist, but I don't want to believe you exist! I won't believe it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I am not fibbing, it's all the truth; the truth is unhappily hardly ever amusing. I see you persist in expecting something big of me, and perhaps something fine. That's a great pity, for I only give what I can&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't talk philosophy, you ass!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Philosophy, indeed, when all my right side is numb and I am moaning and groaning. I've tried all the medical faculty: they can diagnose beautifully, they have the whole of your disease at their finger-tips, but they've no idea how to cure you. There was an enthusiastic little student here, &#8216;You may die,' said he, &#8216;but you'll know perfectly what disease you are dying of!' And then what a way they have sending people to specialists! &#8216;We only diagnose,' they say, &#8216;but go to such-and-such a specialist, he'll cure you.' The old doctor who used to cure all sorts of disease has completely disappeared, I assure you, now there are only specialists and they all advertise in the newspapers. If anything is wrong with your nose, they send you to Paris: there, they say, is a European specialist who cures noses. If you go to Paris, he'll look at your nose; I can only cure your right nostril, he'll tell you, for I don't cure the left nostril, that's not my speciality, but go to Vienna, there there's a specialist who will cure your left nostril. What are you to do? I fell back on popular remedies, a German doctor advised me to rub myself with honey and salt in the bath-house. Solely to get an extra bath I went, smeared myself all over and it did me no good at all. In despair I wrote to Count Mattei in Milan. He sent me a book and some drops, bless him, and, only fancy, Hoff's malt extract cured me! I bought it by accident, drank a bottle and a half of it, and I was ready to dance, it took it away completely. I made up my mind to write to the papers to thank him, I was prompted by a feeling of gratitude, and only fancy, it led to no end of a bother: not a single paper would take my letter. &#8216;It would be very reactionary,' they said, &#8216;no one will believe it. &lt;i&gt;Le diable n'existe point.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb38&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Le diable n'existe point. &#8211; the devil doesn't exist.&#034; id=&#034;nh38&#034;&gt;38&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; You'd better remain anonymous,' they advised me. What use is a letter of thanks if it's anonymous? I laughed with the men at the newspaper office; &#8216;It's reactionary to believe in God in our days,' I said, &#8216;but I am the devil, so I may be believed in.' &#8216;We quite understand that,' they said. &#8216;Who doesn't believe in the devil? Yet it won't do, it might injure our reputation. As a joke, if you like.' But I thought as a joke it wouldn't be very witty. So it wasn't printed. And do you know, I have felt sore about it to this day. My best feelings, gratitude, for instance, are literally denied me simply from my social position.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Philosophical reflections again?&#8221; Ivan snarled malignantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God preserve me from it, but one can't help complaining sometimes. I am a slandered man. You upbraid me every moment with being stupid. One can see you are young. My dear fellow, intelligence isn't the only thing! I have naturally a kind and merry heart. &#8216;I also write vaudevilles of all sorts.' You seem to take me for Hlestakov grown old, but my fate is a far more serious one. Before time was, by some decree which I could never make out, I was pre-destined &#8216;to deny' and yet I am genuinely good-hearted and not at all inclined to negation. &#8216;No, you must go and deny, without denial there's no criticism and what would a journal be without a column of criticism?' Without criticism it would be nothing but one &#8216;hosannah.' But nothing but hosannah is not enough for life, the hosannah must be tried in the crucible of doubt and so on, in the same style. But I don't meddle in that, I didn't create it, I am not answerable for it. Well, they've chosen their scapegoat, they've made me write the column of criticism and so life was made possible. We understand that comedy; I, for instance, simply ask for annihilation. No, live, I am told, for there'd be nothing without you. If everything in the universe were sensible, nothing would happen. There would be no events without you, and there must be events. So against the grain I serve to produce events and do what's irrational because I am commanded to. For all their indisputable intelligence, men take this farce as something serious, and that is their tragedy. They suffer, of course ... but then they live, they live a real life, not a fantastic one, for suffering is life. Without suffering what would be the pleasure of it? It would be transformed into an endless church service; it would be holy, but tedious. But what about me? I suffer, but still, I don't live. I am x in an indeterminate equation. I am a sort of phantom in life who has lost all beginning and end, and who has even forgotten his own name. You are laughing&#8212; no, you are not laughing, you are angry again. You are for ever angry, all you care about is intelligence, but I repeat again that I would give away all this super-stellar life, all the ranks and honors, simply to be transformed into the soul of a merchant's wife weighing eighteen stone and who sets candles at God's shrine.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then even you don't believe in God?&#8221; said Ivan, with a smile of hatred.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What can I say?&#8212;that is, if you are in earnest&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is there a God or not?&#8221; Ivan cried with the same savage intensity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, then you are in earnest! My dear fellow, upon my word I don't know. There! I've said it now!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't know, but you see God? No, you are not someone apart, you are myself, you are I and nothing more! You are rubbish, you are my fancy!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, if you like, I have the same philosophy as you, that would be true. &lt;i&gt;Je pense, donc je suis&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb39&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Je pense, donc je suis &#8211; I think, therefore I exist. (Descartes)&#034; id=&#034;nh39&#034;&gt;39&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, I know that for a fact; all the rest, all these worlds, God and even Satan&#8212;all that is not proved, to my mind. Does all that exist of itself, or is it only an emanation of myself, a logical development of my ego which alone has existed for ever: but I make haste to stop, for I believe you will be jumping up to beat me directly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'd better tell me some anecdote!&#8221; said Ivan miserably.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is an anecdote precisely on our subject, or rather a legend, not an anecdote. You reproach me with unbelief, you see, you say, yet you don't believe. But, my dear fellow, I am not the only one like that. We are all in a muddle over there now and all through your science. Once there used to be atoms, five senses, four elements, and then everything hung together somehow. There were atoms in the ancient world even, but since we've learned that you've discovered the chemical molecule and protoplasm and the devil knows what, we had to lower our crest. There's a regular muddle, and, above all, superstition, scandal; there's as much scandal among us as among you, you know; a little more in fact, and spying, indeed, for we have our secret police department where private information is received. Well, this wild legend belongs to our middle ages&#8212;not yours, but ours&#8212;and no one believes it even among us, except the old ladies of eighteen stone, not your old ladies I mean, but ours. We've everything you have, I am revealing one of our secrets out of friendship for you; though it's forbidden. This legend is about Paradise. There was, they say, here on earth a thinker and philosopher. He rejected everything, &#8216;laws, conscience, faith,' and, above all, the future life. He died; he expected to go straight to darkness and death and he found a future life before him. He was astounded and indignant. &#8216;This is against my principles!' he said. And he was punished for that ... that is, you must excuse me, I am just repeating what I heard myself, it's only a legend ... he was sentenced to walk a quadrillion kilometers in the dark (we've adopted the metric system, you know) and when he has finished that quadrillion, the gates of heaven would be opened to him and he'll be forgiven&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what tortures have you in the other world besides the quadrillion kilometers?&#8221; asked Ivan, with a strange eagerness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What tortures? Ah, don't ask. In old days we had all sorts, but now they have taken chiefly to moral punishments&#8212;&#8216;the stings of conscience' and all that nonsense. We got that, too, from you, from the softening of your manners. And who's the better for it? Only those who have got no conscience, for how can they be tortured by conscience when they have none? But decent people who have conscience and a sense of honor suffer for it. Reforms, when the ground has not been prepared for them, especially if they are institutions copied from abroad, do nothing but mischief! The ancient fire was better. Well, this man, who was condemned to the quadrillion kilometers, stood still, looked round and lay down across the road. &#8216;I won't go, I refuse on principle!' Take the soul of an enlightened Russian atheist and mix it with the soul of the prophet Jonah, who sulked for three days and nights in the belly of the whale, and you get the character of that thinker who lay across the road.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What did he lie on there?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I suppose there was something to lie on. You are not laughing?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bravo!&#8221; cried Ivan, still with the same strange eagerness. Now he was listening with an unexpected curiosity. &#8220;Well, is he lying there now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's the point, that he isn't. He lay there almost a thousand years and then he got up and went on.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What an ass!&#8221; cried Ivan, laughing nervously and still seeming to be pondering something intently. &#8220;Does it make any difference whether he lies there for ever or walks the quadrillion kilometers? It would take a billion years to walk it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Much more than that. I haven't got a pencil and paper or I could work it out. But he got there long ago, and that's where the story begins.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What, he got there? But how did he get the billion years to do it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, you keep thinking of our present earth! But our present earth may have been repeated a billion times. Why, it's become extinct, been frozen; cracked, broken to bits, disintegrated into its elements, again &#8216;the water above the firmament,' then again a comet, again a sun, again from the sun it becomes earth&#8212;and the same sequence may have been repeated endlessly and exactly the same to every detail, most unseemly and insufferably tedious&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, well, what happened when he arrived?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, the moment the gates of Paradise were open and he walked in, before he had been there two seconds, by his watch (though to my thinking his watch must have long dissolved into its elements on the way), he cried out that those two seconds were worth walking not a quadrillion kilometers but a quadrillion of quadrillions, raised to the quadrillionth power! In fact, he sang &#8216;hosannah' and overdid it so, that some persons there of lofty ideas wouldn't shake hands with him at first&#8212;he'd become too rapidly reactionary, they said. The Russian temperament. I repeat, it's a legend. I give it for what it's worth. So that's the sort of ideas we have on such subjects even now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've caught you!&#8221; Ivan cried, with an almost childish delight, as though he had succeeded in remembering something at last. &#8220;That anecdote about the quadrillion years, I made up myself! I was seventeen then, I was at the high school. I made up that anecdote and told it to a schoolfellow called Korovkin, it was at Moscow.... The anecdote is so characteristic that I couldn't have taken it from anywhere. I thought I'd forgotten it ... but I've unconsciously recalled it&#8212;I recalled it myself&#8212;it was not you telling it! Thousands of things are unconsciously remembered like that even when people are being taken to execution ... it's come back to me in a dream. You are that dream! You are a dream, not a living creature!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From the vehemence with which you deny my existence,&#8221; laughed the gentleman, &#8220;I am convinced that you believe in me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not in the slightest! I haven't a hundredth part of a grain of faith in you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you have the thousandth of a grain. Homeopathic doses perhaps are the strongest. Confess that you have faith even to the ten-thousandth of a grain.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not for one minute,&#8221; cried Ivan furiously. &#8220;But I should like to believe in you,&#8221; he added strangely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aha! There's an admission! But I am good-natured. I'll come to your assistance again. Listen, it was I caught you, not you me. I told you your anecdote you'd forgotten, on purpose, so as to destroy your faith in me completely.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are lying. The object of your visit is to convince me of your existence!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just so. But hesitation, suspense, conflict between belief and disbelief&#8212;is sometimes such torture to a conscientious man, such as you are, that it's better to hang oneself at once. Knowing that you are inclined to believe in me, I administered some disbelief by telling you that anecdote. I lead you to belief and disbelief by turns, and I have my motive in it. It's the new method. As soon as you disbelieve in me completely, you'll begin assuring me to my face that I am not a dream but a reality. I know you. Then I shall have attained my object, which is an honorable one. I shall sow in you only a tiny grain of faith and it will grow into an oak-tree&#8212;and such an oak-tree that, sitting on it, you will long to enter the ranks of &#8216;the hermits in the wilderness and the saintly women,' for that is what you are secretly longing for. You'll dine on locusts, you'll wander into the wilderness to save your soul!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then it's for the salvation of my soul you are working, is it, you scoundrel?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One must do a good work sometimes. How ill-humored you are!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fool! did you ever tempt those holy men who ate locusts and prayed seventeen years in the wilderness till they were overgrown with moss?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear fellow, I've done nothing else. One forgets the whole world and all the worlds, and sticks to one such saint, because he is a very precious diamond. One such soul, you know, is sometimes worth a whole constellation. We have our system of reckoning, you know. The conquest is priceless! And some of them, on my word, are not inferior to you in culture, though you won't believe it. They can contemplate such depths of belief and disbelief at the same moment that sometimes it really seems that they are within a hair's-breadth of being &#8216;turned upside down,' as the actor Gorbunov says.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, did you get your nose pulled?&#8221;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb40&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;did you get your nose pulled &#8211; literally: &#8220;Did you get off with a long nose (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh40&#034;&gt;40&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear fellow,&#8221; observed the visitor sententiously, &#8220;it's better to get off with your nose pulled than without a nose at all. As an afflicted marquis observed not long ago (he must have been treated by a specialist) in confession to his spiritual father&#8212;a Jesuit. I was present, it was simply charming. &#8216;Give me back my nose!' he said, and he beat his breast. &#8216;My son,' said the priest evasively, &#8216;all things are accomplished in accordance with the inscrutable decrees of Providence, and what seems a misfortune sometimes leads to extraordinary, though unapparent, benefits. If stern destiny has deprived you of your nose, it's to your advantage that no one can ever pull you by your nose.' &#8216;Holy father, that's no comfort,' cried the despairing marquis. &#8216;I'd be delighted to have my nose pulled every day of my life, if it were only in its proper place.' &#8216;My son,' sighs the priest, &#8216;you can't expect every blessing at once. This is murmuring against Providence, who even in this has not forgotten you, for if you repine as you repined just now, declaring you'd be glad to have your nose pulled for the rest of your life, your desire has already been fulfilled indirectly, for when you lost your nose, you were led by the nose.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Fool, how stupid!&#8221; cried Ivan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear friend, I only wanted to amuse you. But I swear that's the genuine Jesuit casuistry and I swear that it all happened word for word as I've told you. It happened lately and gave me a great deal of trouble. The unhappy young man shot himself that very night when he got home. I was by his side till the very last moment. Those Jesuit confessionals are really my most delightful diversion at melancholy moments. Here's another incident that happened only the other day. A little blonde Norman girl of twenty&#8212;a buxom, unsophisticated beauty that would make your mouth water&#8212;comes to an old priest. She bends down and whispers her sin into the grating. &#8216;Why, my daughter, have you fallen again already?' cries the priest. &#8216;O Sancta Maria, what do I hear! Not the same man this time, how long is this going on? Aren't you ashamed!' &#8216;Ah, mon p&#232;re,' answers the sinner with tears of penitence, &#8216;&#231;a lui fait tant de plaisir, et &#224; moi si peu de peine!' Fancy, such an answer! I drew back. It was the cry of nature, better than innocence itself, if you like. I absolved her sin on the spot and was turning to go, but I was forced to turn back. I heard the priest at the grating making an appointment with her for the evening&#8212;though he was an old man hard as flint, he fell in an instant! It was nature, the truth of nature asserted its rights! What, you are turning up your nose again? Angry again? I don't know how to please you&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Leave me alone, you are beating on my brain like a haunting nightmare,&#8221; Ivan moaned miserably, helpless before his apparition. &#8220;I am bored with you, agonizingly and insufferably. I would give anything to be able to shake you off!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I repeat, moderate your expectations, don't demand of me &#8216;everything great and noble' and you'll see how well we shall get on,&#8221; said the gentleman impressively. &#8220;You are really angry with me for not having appeared to you in a red glow, with thunder and lightning, with scorched wings, but have shown myself in such a modest form. You are wounded, in the first place, in your esthetic feelings, and, secondly, in your pride. How could such a vulgar devil visit such a great man as you! Yes, there is that romantic strain in you, that was so derided by Byelinsky. I can't help it, young man, as I got ready to come to you I did think as a joke of appearing in the figure of a retired general who had served in the Caucasus, with a star of the Lion and the Sun on my coat. But I was positively afraid of doing it, for you'd have thrashed me for daring to pin the Lion and the Sun on my coat, instead of, at least, the Polar Star or the Sirius. And you keep on saying I am stupid, but, mercy on us! I make no claim to be equal to you in intelligence. Mephistopheles declared to Faust that he desired evil, but did only good. Well, he can say what he likes, it's quite the opposite with me. I am perhaps the one man in all creation who loves the truth and genuinely desires good. I was there when the Word, Who died on the Cross, rose up into heaven bearing on His bosom the soul of the penitent thief. I heard the glad shrieks of the cherubim singing and shouting hosannah and the thunderous rapture of the seraphim which shook heaven and all creation, and I swear to you by all that's sacred, I longed to join the choir and shout hosannah with them all. The word had almost escaped me, had almost broken from my lips ... you know how susceptible and esthetically impressionable I am. But common sense&#8212;oh, a most unhappy trait in my character&#8212;kept me in due bounds and I let the moment pass! For what would have happened, I reflected, what would have happened after my hosannah? Everything on earth would have been extinguished at once and no events could have occurred. And so, solely from a sense of duty and my social position, I was forced to suppress the good moment and to stick to my nasty task. Somebody takes all the credit of what's good for Himself, and nothing but nastiness is left for me. But I don't envy the honor of a life of idle imposture, I am not ambitious. Why am I, of all creatures in the world, doomed to be cursed by all decent people and even to be kicked, for if I put on mortal form I am bound to take such consequences sometimes? I know, of course, there's a secret in it, but they won't tell me the secret for anything, for then perhaps, seeing the meaning of it, I might bawl hosannah, and the indispensable minus would disappear at once, and good sense would reign supreme throughout the whole world. And that, of course, would mean the end of everything, even of magazines and newspapers, for who would take them in? I know that at the end of all things I shall be reconciled. I, too, shall walk my quadrillion and learn the secret. But till that happens I am sulking and fulfill my destiny though it's against the grain&#8212;that is, to ruin thousands for the sake of saving one. How many souls have had to be ruined and how many honorable reputations destroyed for the sake of that one righteous man, Job, over whom they made such a fool of me in old days! Yes, till the secret is revealed, there are two sorts of truths for me&#8212;one, their truth, yonder, which I know nothing about so far, and the other my own. And there's no knowing which will turn out the better.... Are you asleep?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I might well be,&#8221; Ivan groaned angrily. &#8220;All my stupid ideas&#8212;outgrown, thrashed out long ago, and flung aside like a dead carcass&#8212;you present to me as something new!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's no pleasing you! And I thought I should fascinate you by my literary style. That hosannah in the skies really wasn't bad, was it? And then that ironical tone &lt;i&gt;&#224; la&lt;/i&gt; Heine, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I was never such a flunkey! How then could my soul beget a flunkey like you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My dear fellow, I know a most charming and attractive young Russian gentleman, a young thinker and a great lover of literature and art, the author of a promising poem entitled &lt;i&gt;The Grand Inquisitor&lt;/i&gt;. I was only thinking of him!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I forbid you to speak of &lt;i&gt;The Grand Inquisitor&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; cried Ivan, crimson with shame.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the &lt;i&gt;Geological Cataclysm&lt;/i&gt;. Do you remember? That was a poem, now!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hold your tongue, or I'll kill you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'll kill me? No, excuse me, I will speak. I came to treat myself to that pleasure. Oh, I love the dreams of my ardent young friends, quivering with eagerness for life! &#8216;There are new men,' you decided last spring, when you were meaning to come here, &#8216;they propose to destroy everything and begin with cannibalism. Stupid fellows! they didn't ask my advice! I maintain that nothing need be destroyed, that we only need to destroy the idea of God in man, that's how we have to set to work. It's that, that we must begin with. Oh, blind race of men who have no understanding! As soon as men have all of them denied God&#8212;and I believe that period, analogous with geological periods, will come to pass&#8212;the old conception of the universe will fall of itself without cannibalism, and, what's more, the old morality, and everything will begin anew. Men will unite to take from life all it can give, but only for joy and happiness in the present world. Man will be lifted up with a spirit of divine Titanic pride and the man-god will appear. From hour to hour extending his conquest of nature infinitely by his will and his science, man will feel such lofty joy from hour to hour in doing it that it will make up for all his old dreams of the joys of heaven. Every one will know that he is mortal and will accept death proudly and serenely like a god. His pride will teach him that it's useless for him to repine at life's being a moment, and he will love his brother without need of reward. Love will be sufficient only for a moment of life, but the very consciousness of its momentariness will intensify its fire, which now is dissipated in dreams of eternal love beyond the grave'... and so on and so on in the same style. Charming!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan sat with his eyes on the floor, and his hands pressed to his ears, but he began trembling all over. The voice continued.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The question now is, my young thinker reflected, is it possible that such a period will ever come? If it does, everything is determined and humanity is settled for ever. But as, owing to man's inveterate stupidity, this cannot come about for at least a thousand years, every one who recognizes the truth even now may legitimately order his life as he pleases, on the new principles. In that sense, &#8216;all things are lawful' for him. What's more, even if this period never comes to pass, since there is anyway no God and no immortality, the new man may well become the man-god, even if he is the only one in the whole world, and promoted to his new position, he may lightheartedly overstep all the barriers of the old morality of the old slave-man, if necessary. There is no law for God. Where God stands, the place is holy. Where I stand will be at once the foremost place ... &#8216;all things are lawful' and that's the end of it! That's all very charming; but if you want to swindle why do you want a moral sanction for doing it? But that's our modern Russian all over. He can't bring himself to swindle without a moral sanction. He is so in love with truth&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The visitor talked, obviously carried away by his own eloquence, speaking louder and louder and looking ironically at his host. But he did not succeed in finishing; Ivan suddenly snatched a glass from the table and flung it at the orator.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, mais c'est b&#234;te enfin,&#8221; cried the latter, jumping up from the sofa and shaking the drops of tea off himself. &#8220;He remembers Luther's inkstand! He takes me for a dream and throws glasses at a dream! It's like a woman! I suspected you were only pretending to stop up your ears.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A loud, persistent knocking was suddenly heard at the window. Ivan jumped up from the sofa.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you hear? You'd better open,&#8221; cried the visitor; &#8220;it's your brother Alyosha with the most interesting and surprising news, I'll be bound!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Be silent, deceiver, I knew it was Alyosha, I felt he was coming, and of course he has not come for nothing; of course he brings &#8216;news,' &#8221; Ivan exclaimed frantically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Open, open to him. There's a snowstorm and he is your brother. &lt;i&gt;Monsieur sait-il le temps qu'il fait? C'est &#224; ne pas mettre un chien dehors&lt;/i&gt;.&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb41&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Monsieur sait-il le temps qu'il fait? C'est &#224; ne pas mettre un chien dehors (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh41&#034;&gt;41&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The knocking continued. Ivan wanted to rush to the window, but something seemed to fetter his arms and legs. He strained every effort to break his chains, but in vain. The knocking at the window grew louder and louder. At last the chains were broken and Ivan leapt up from the sofa. He looked round him wildly. Both candles had almost burnt out, the glass he had just thrown at his visitor stood before him on the table, and there was no one on the sofa opposite. The knocking on the window frame went on persistently, but it was by no means so loud as it had seemed in his dream; on the contrary, it was quite subdued.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was not a dream! No, I swear it was not a dream, it all happened just now!&#8221; cried Ivan. He rushed to the window and opened the movable pane.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, I told you not to come,&#8221; he cried fiercely to his brother. &#8220;In two words, what do you want? In two words, do you hear?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;An hour ago Smerdyakov hanged himself,&#8221; Alyosha answered from the yard.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come round to the steps, I'll open at once,&#8221; said Ivan, going to open the door to Alyosha.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER X. &#8220;IT WAS HE WHO SAID THAT&#8221;&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Alyosha coming in told Ivan that a little over an hour ago Marya Kondratyevna had run to his rooms and informed him Smerdyakov had taken his own life. &#8220;I went in to clear away the samovar and he was hanging on a nail in the wall.&#8221; On Alyosha's inquiring whether she had informed the police, she answered that she had told no one, &#8220;but I flew straight to you, I've run all the way.&#8221; She seemed perfectly crazy, Alyosha reported, and was shaking like a leaf. When Alyosha ran with her to the cottage, he found Smerdyakov still hanging. On the table lay a note: &#8220;I destroy my life of my own will and desire, so as to throw no blame on any one.&#8221; Alyosha left the note on the table and went straight to the police captain and told him all about it. &#8220;And from him I've come straight to you,&#8221; said Alyosha, in conclusion, looking intently into Ivan's face. He had not taken his eyes off him while he told his story, as though struck by something in his expression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother,&#8221; he cried suddenly, &#8220;you must be terribly ill. You look and don't seem to understand what I tell you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's a good thing you came,&#8221; said Ivan, as though brooding, and not hearing Alyosha's exclamation. &#8220;I knew he had hanged himself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From whom?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know. But I knew. Did I know? Yes, he told me. He told me so just now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan stood in the middle of the room, and still spoke in the same brooding tone, looking at the ground.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who is &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt;?&#8221; asked Alyosha, involuntarily looking round.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's slipped away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan raised his head and smiled softly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He was afraid of you, of a dove like you. You are a &#8216;pure cherub.' Dmitri calls you a cherub. Cherub!... the thunderous rapture of the seraphim. What are seraphim? Perhaps a whole constellation. But perhaps that constellation is only a chemical molecule. There's a constellation of the Lion and the Sun. Don't you know it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother, sit down,&#8221; said Alyosha in alarm. &#8220;For goodness' sake, sit down on the sofa! You are delirious; put your head on the pillow, that's right. Would you like a wet towel on your head? Perhaps it will do you good.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give me the towel: it's here on the chair. I just threw it down there.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not here. Don't worry yourself. I know where it is&#8212;here,&#8221; said Alyosha, finding a clean towel, folded up and unused, by Ivan's dressing-table in the other corner of the room. Ivan looked strangely at the towel: recollection seemed to come back to him for an instant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay&#8221;&#8212;he got up from the sofa&#8212;&#8220;an hour ago I took that new towel from there and wetted it. I wrapped it round my head and threw it down here ... How is it it's dry? There was no other.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You put that towel on your head?&#8221; asked Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, and walked up and down the room an hour ago ... Why have the candles burnt down so? What's the time?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nearly twelve.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no, no!&#8221; Ivan cried suddenly. &#8220;It was not a dream. He was here; he was sitting here, on that sofa. When you knocked at the window, I threw a glass at him ... this one. Wait a minute. I was asleep last time, but this dream was not a dream. It has happened before. I have dreams now, Alyosha ... yet they are not dreams, but reality. I walk about, talk and see ... though I am asleep. But he was sitting here, on that sofa there.... He is frightfully stupid, Alyosha, frightfully stupid.&#8221; Ivan laughed suddenly and began pacing about the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who is stupid? Of whom are you talking, brother?&#8221; Alyosha asked anxiously again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The devil! He's taken to visiting me. He's been here twice, almost three times. He taunted me with being angry at his being a simple devil and not Satan, with scorched wings, in thunder and lightning. But he is not Satan: that's a lie. He is an impostor. He is simply a devil&#8212;a paltry, trivial devil. He goes to the baths. If you undressed him, you'd be sure to find he had a tail, long and smooth like a Danish dog's, a yard long, dun color.... Alyosha, you are cold. You've been in the snow. Would you like some tea? What? Is it cold? Shall I tell her to bring some? &lt;i&gt;C'est &#224; ne pas mettre un chien dehors....&lt;/i&gt;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha ran to the washing-stand, wetted the towel, persuaded Ivan to sit down again, and put the wet towel round his head. He sat down beside him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What were you telling me just now about Lise?&#8221; Ivan began again. (He was becoming very talkative.) &#8220;I like Lise. I said something nasty about her. It was a lie. I like her ... I am afraid for Katya to-morrow. I am more afraid of her than of anything. On account of the future. She will cast me off to-morrow and trample me under foot. She thinks that I am ruining Mitya from jealousy on her account! Yes, she thinks that! But it's not so. To-morrow the cross, but not the gallows. No, I shan't hang myself. Do you know, I can never commit suicide, Alyosha. Is it because I am base? I am not a coward. Is it from love of life? How did I know that Smerdyakov had hanged himself? Yes, it was &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt; told me so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you are quite convinced that there has been some one here?&#8221; asked Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, on that sofa in the corner. You would have driven him away. You did drive him away: he disappeared when you arrived. I love your face, Alyosha. Did you know that I loved your face? And &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt; is myself, Alyosha. All that's base in me, all that's mean and contemptible. Yes, I am a romantic. He guessed it ... though it's a libel. He is frightfully stupid; but it's to his advantage. He has cunning, animal cunning&#8212;he knew how to infuriate me. He kept taunting me with believing in him, and that was how he made me listen to him. He fooled me like a boy. He told me a great deal that was true about myself, though. I should never have owned it to myself. Do you know, Alyosha,&#8221; Ivan added in an intensely earnest and confidential tone, &#8220;I should be awfully glad to think that it was &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt; and not I.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He has worn you out,&#8221; said Alyosha, looking compassionately at his brother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's been teasing me. And you know he does it so cleverly, so cleverly. &#8216;Conscience! What is conscience? I make it up for myself. Why am I tormented by it? From habit. From the universal habit of mankind for the seven thousand years. So let us give it up, and we shall be gods.' It was he said that, it was he said that!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And not you, not you?&#8221; Alyosha could not help crying, looking frankly at his brother. &#8220;Never mind him, anyway; have done with him and forget him. And let him take with him all that you curse now, and never come back!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but he is spiteful. He laughed at me. He was impudent, Alyosha,&#8221; Ivan said, with a shudder of offense. &#8220;But he was unfair to me, unfair to me about lots of things. He told lies about me to my face. &#8216;Oh, you are going to perform an act of heroic virtue: to confess you murdered your father, that the valet murdered him at your instigation.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother,&#8221; Alyosha interposed, &#8220;restrain yourself. It was not you murdered him. It's not true!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's what he says, he, and he knows it. &#8216;You are going to perform an act of heroic virtue, and you don't believe in virtue; that's what tortures you and makes you angry, that's why you are so vindictive.' He said that to me about me and he knows what he says.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's you say that, not he,&#8221; exclaimed Alyosha mournfully, &#8220;and you say it because you are ill and delirious, tormenting yourself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, he knows what he says. &#8216;You are going from pride,' he says. &#8216;You'll stand up and say it was I killed him, and why do you writhe with horror? You are lying! I despise your opinion, I despise your horror!' He said that about me. &#8216;And do you know you are longing for their praise&#8212;&#8220;he is a criminal, a murderer, but what a generous soul; he wanted to save his brother and he confessed.&#8221; ' That's a lie, Alyosha!&#8221; Ivan cried suddenly, with flashing eyes. &#8220;I don't want the low rabble to praise me, I swear I don't! That's a lie! That's why I threw the glass at him and it broke against his ugly face.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother, calm yourself, stop!&#8221; Alyosha entreated him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he knows how to torment one. He's cruel,&#8221; Ivan went on, unheeding. &#8220;I had an inkling from the first what he came for. &#8216;Granting that you go through pride, still you had a hope that Smerdyakov might be convicted and sent to Siberia, and Mitya would be acquitted, while you would only be punished with moral condemnation' (&#8216;Do you hear?' he laughed then)&#8212;&#8216;and some people will praise you. But now Smerdyakov's dead, he has hanged himself, and who'll believe you alone? But yet you are going, you are going, you'll go all the same, you've decided to go. What are you going for now?' That's awful, Alyosha. I can't endure such questions. Who dare ask me such questions?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brother,&#8221; interposed Alyosha&#8212;his heart sank with terror, but he still seemed to hope to bring Ivan to reason&#8212;&#8220;how could he have told you of Smerdyakov's death before I came, when no one knew of it and there was no time for anyone to know of it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He told me,&#8221; said Ivan firmly, refusing to admit a doubt. &#8220;It was all he did talk about, if you come to that. &#8216;And it would be all right if you believed in virtue,' he said. &#8216;No matter if they disbelieve you, you are going for the sake of principle. But you are a little pig like Fyodor Pavlovitch, and what do you want with virtue? Why do you want to go meddling if your sacrifice is of no use to any one? Because you don't know yourself why you go! Oh, you'd give a great deal to know yourself why you go! And can you have made up your mind? You've not made up your mind. You'll sit all night deliberating whether to go or not. But you will go; you know you'll go. You know that whichever way you decide, the decision does not depend on you. You'll go because you won't dare not to go. Why won't you dare? You must guess that for yourself. That's a riddle for you!' He got up and went away. You came and he went. He called me a coward, Alyosha! &lt;i&gt;Le mot de l'&#233;nigme&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb42&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Le mot de l'&#233;nigme &#8211; the essence of the enigma&#034; id=&#034;nh42&#034;&gt;42&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; is that I am a coward. &#8216;It is not for such eagles to soar above the earth.' It was he added that&#8212;he! And Smerdyakov said the same. He must be killed! Katya despises me. I've seen that for a month past. Even Lise will begin to despise me! &#8216;You are going in order to be praised.' That's a brutal lie! And you despise me too, Alyosha. Now I am going to hate you again! And I hate the monster, too! I hate the monster! I don't want to save the monster. Let him rot in Siberia! He's begun singing a hymn! Oh, to-morrow I'll go, stand before them, and spit in their faces!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He jumped up in a frenzy, flung off the towel, and fell to pacing up and down the room again. Alyosha recalled what he had just said. &#8220;I seem to be sleeping awake.... I walk, I speak, I see, but I am asleep.&#8221; It seemed to be just like that now. Alyosha did not leave him. The thought passed through his mind to run for a doctor, but he was afraid to leave his brother alone: there was no one to whom he could leave him. By degrees Ivan lost consciousness completely at last. He still went on talking, talking incessantly, but quite incoherently, and even articulated his words with difficulty. Suddenly he staggered violently; but Alyosha was in time to support him. Ivan let him lead him to his bed. Alyosha undressed him somehow and put him to bed. He sat watching over him for another two hours. The sick man slept soundly, without stirring, breathing softly and evenly. Alyosha took a pillow and lay down on the sofa, without undressing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As he fell asleep he prayed for Mitya and Ivan. He began to understand Ivan's illness. &#8220;The anguish of a proud determination. An earnest conscience!&#8221; God, in Whom he disbelieved, and His truth were gaining mastery over his heart, which still refused to submit. &#8220;Yes,&#8221; the thought floated through Alyosha's head as it lay on the pillow, &#8220;yes, if Smerdyakov is dead, no one will believe Ivan's evidence; but he will go and give it.&#8221; Alyosha smiled softly. &#8220;God will conquer!&#8221; he thought. &#8220;He will either rise up in the light of truth, or ... he'll perish in hate, revenging on himself and on every one his having served the cause he does not believe in,&#8221; Alyosha added bitterly, and again he prayed for Ivan.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;BOOKXII&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;BOOK XII. A JUDICIAL ERROR&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I. THE FATAL DAY&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;At ten o'clock in the morning of the day following the events I have described, the trial of Dmitri Karamazov began in our district court.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I hasten to emphasize the fact that I am far from esteeming myself capable of reporting all that took place at the trial in full detail, or even in the actual order of events. I imagine that to mention everything with full explanation would fill a volume, even a very large one. And so I trust I may not be reproached, for confining myself to what struck me. I may have selected as of most interest what was of secondary importance, and may have omitted the most prominent and essential details. But I see I shall do better not to apologize. I will do my best and the reader will see for himself that I have done all I can.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And, to begin with, before entering the court, I will mention what surprised me most on that day. Indeed, as it appeared later, every one was surprised at it, too. We all knew that the affair had aroused great interest, that every one was burning with impatience for the trial to begin, that it had been a subject of talk, conjecture, exclamation and surmise for the last two months in local society. Everyone knew, too, that the case had become known throughout Russia, but yet we had not imagined that it had aroused such burning, such intense, interest in every one, not only among ourselves, but all over Russia. This became evident at the trial this day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Visitors had arrived not only from the chief town of our province, but from several other Russian towns, as well as from Moscow and Petersburg. Among them were lawyers, ladies, and even several distinguished personages. Every ticket of admission had been snatched up. A special place behind the table at which the three judges sat was set apart for the most distinguished and important of the men visitors; a row of arm-chairs had been placed there&#8212;something exceptional, which had never been allowed before. A large proportion&#8212;not less than half of the public&#8212;were ladies. There was such a large number of lawyers from all parts that they did not know where to seat them, for every ticket had long since been eagerly sought for and distributed. I saw at the end of the room, behind the platform, a special partition hurriedly put up, behind which all these lawyers were admitted, and they thought themselves lucky to have standing room there, for all chairs had been removed for the sake of space, and the crowd behind the partition stood throughout the case closely packed, shoulder to shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Some of the ladies, especially those who came from a distance, made their appearance in the gallery very smartly dressed, but the majority of the ladies were oblivious even of dress. Their faces betrayed hysterical, intense, almost morbid, curiosity. A peculiar fact&#8212;established afterwards by many observations&#8212;was that almost all the ladies, or, at least the vast majority of them, were on Mitya's side and in favor of his being acquitted. This was perhaps chiefly owing to his reputation as a conqueror of female hearts. It was known that two women rivals were to appear in the case. One of them&#8212;Katerina Ivanovna&#8212;was an object of general interest. All sorts of extraordinary tales were told about her, amazing anecdotes of her passion for Mitya, in spite of his crime. Her pride and &#8220;aristocratic connections&#8221; were particularly insisted upon (she had called upon scarcely anyone in the town). People said she intended to petition the Government for leave to accompany the criminal to Siberia and to be married to him somewhere in the mines. The appearance of Grushenka in court was awaited with no less impatience. The public was looking forward with anxious curiosity to the meeting of the two rivals&#8212;the proud aristocratic girl and &#8220;the hetaira.&#8221; But Grushenka was a more familiar figure to the ladies of the district than Katerina Ivanovna. They had already seen &#8220;the woman who had ruined Fyodor Pavlovitch and his unhappy son,&#8221; and all, almost without exception, wondered how father and son could be so in love with &#8220;such a very common, ordinary Russian girl, who was not even pretty.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In brief, there was a great deal of talk. I know for a fact that there were several serious family quarrels on Mitya's account in our town. Many ladies quarreled violently with their husbands over differences of opinion about the dreadful case, and it was only natural that the husbands of these ladies, far from being favorably disposed to the prisoner, should enter the court bitterly prejudiced against him. In fact, one may say pretty certainly that the masculine, as distinguished from the feminine, part of the audience were biased against the prisoner. There were numbers of severe, frowning, even vindictive faces. Mitya, indeed, had managed to offend many people during his stay in the town. Some of the visitors were, of course, in excellent spirits and quite unconcerned as to the fate of Mitya personally. But all were interested in the trial, and the majority of the men were certainly hoping for the conviction of the criminal, except perhaps the lawyers, who were more interested in the legal than in the moral aspect of the case.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everybody was excited at the presence of the celebrated lawyer, Fetyukovitch. His talent was well known, and this was not the first time he had defended notorious criminal cases in the provinces. And if he defended them, such cases became celebrated and long remembered all over Russia. There were stories, too, about our prosecutor and about the President of the Court. It was said that Ippolit Kirillovitch was in a tremor at meeting Fetyukovitch, and that they had been enemies from the beginning of their careers in Petersburg, that though our sensitive prosecutor, who always considered that he had been aggrieved by some one in Petersburg because his talents had not been properly appreciated, was keenly excited over the Karamazov case, and was even dreaming of rebuilding his flagging fortunes by means of it, Fetyukovitch, they said, was his one anxiety. But these rumors were not quite just. Our prosecutor was not one of those men who lose heart in face of danger. On the contrary, his self-confidence increased with the increase of danger. It must be noted that our prosecutor was in general too hasty and morbidly impressionable. He would put his whole soul into some case and work at it as though his whole fate and his whole fortune depended on its result. This was the subject of some ridicule in the legal world, for just by this characteristic our prosecutor had gained a wider notoriety than could have been expected from his modest position. People laughed particularly at his passion for psychology. In my opinion, they were wrong, and our prosecutor was, I believe, a character of greater depth than was generally supposed. But with his delicate health he had failed to make his mark at the outset of his career and had never made up for it later.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As for the President of our Court, I can only say that he was a humane and cultured man, who had a practical knowledge of his work and progressive views. He was rather ambitious, but did not concern himself greatly about his future career. The great aim of his life was to be a man of advanced ideas. He was, too, a man of connections and property. He felt, as we learnt afterwards, rather strongly about the Karamazov case, but from a social, not from a personal standpoint. He was interested in it as a social phenomenon, in its classification and its character as a product of our social conditions, as typical of the national character, and so on, and so on. His attitude to the personal aspect of the case, to its tragic significance and the persons involved in it, including the prisoner, was rather indifferent and abstract, as was perhaps fitting, indeed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The court was packed and overflowing long before the judges made their appearance. Our court is the best hall in the town&#8212;spacious, lofty, and good for sound. On the right of the judges, who were on a raised platform, a table and two rows of chairs had been put ready for the jury. On the left was the place for the prisoner and the counsel for the defense. In the middle of the court, near the judges, was a table with the &#8220;material proofs.&#8221; On it lay Fyodor Pavlovitch's white silk dressing-gown, stained with blood; the fatal brass pestle with which the supposed murder had been committed; Mitya's shirt, with a blood-stained sleeve; his coat, stained with blood in patches over the pocket in which he had put his handkerchief; the handkerchief itself, stiff with blood and by now quite yellow; the pistol loaded by Mitya at Perhotin's with a view to suicide, and taken from him on the sly at Mokroe by Trifon Borissovitch; the envelope in which the three thousand roubles had been put ready for Grushenka, the narrow pink ribbon with which it had been tied, and many other articles I don't remember. In the body of the hall, at some distance, came the seats for the public. But in front of the balustrade a few chairs had been placed for witnesses who remained in the court after giving their evidence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At ten o'clock the three judges arrived&#8212;the President, one honorary justice of the peace, and one other. The prosecutor, of course, entered immediately after. The President was a short, stout, thick-set man of fifty, with a dyspeptic complexion, dark hair turning gray and cut short, and a red ribbon, of what Order I don't remember. The prosecutor struck me and the others, too, as looking particularly pale, almost green. His face seemed to have grown suddenly thinner, perhaps in a single night, for I had seen him looking as usual only two days before. The President began with asking the court whether all the jury were present.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But I see I can't go on like this, partly because some things I did not hear, others I did not notice, and others I have forgotten, but most of all because, as I have said before, I have literally no time or space to mention everything that was said and done. I only know that neither side objected to very many of the jurymen. I remember the twelve jurymen&#8212;four were petty officials of the town, two were merchants, and six peasants and artisans of the town. I remember, long before the trial, questions were continually asked with some surprise, especially by ladies: &#8220;Can such a delicate, complex and psychological case be submitted for decision to petty officials and even peasants?&#8221; and &#8220;What can an official, still more a peasant, understand in such an affair?&#8221; All the four officials in the jury were, in fact, men of no consequence and of low rank. Except one who was rather younger, they were gray-headed men, little known in society, who had vegetated on a pitiful salary, and who probably had elderly, unpresentable wives and crowds of children, perhaps even without shoes and stockings. At most, they spent their leisure over cards and, of course, had never read a single book. The two merchants looked respectable, but were strangely silent and stolid. One of them was close-shaven, and was dressed in European style; the other had a small, gray beard, and wore a red ribbon with some sort of a medal upon it on his neck. There is no need to speak of the artisans and the peasants. The artisans of Skotoprigonyevsk are almost peasants, and even work on the land. Two of them also wore European dress, and, perhaps for that reason, were dirtier and more uninviting-looking than the others. So that one might well wonder, as I did as soon as I had looked at them, &#8220;what men like that could possibly make of such a case?&#8221; Yet their faces made a strangely imposing, almost menacing, impression; they were stern and frowning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last the President opened the case of the murder of Fyodor Pavlovitch Karamazov. I don't quite remember how he described him. The court usher was told to bring in the prisoner, and Mitya made his appearance. There was a hush through the court. One could have heard a fly. I don't know how it was with others, but Mitya made a most unfavorable impression on me. He looked an awful dandy in a brand-new frock-coat. I heard afterwards that he had ordered it in Moscow expressly for the occasion from his own tailor, who had his measure. He wore immaculate black kid gloves and exquisite linen. He walked in with his yard-long strides, looking stiffly straight in front of him, and sat down in his place with a most unperturbed air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the same moment the counsel for defense, the celebrated Fetyukovitch, entered, and a sort of subdued hum passed through the court. He was a tall, spare man, with long thin legs, with extremely long, thin, pale fingers, clean-shaven face, demurely brushed, rather short hair, and thin lips that were at times curved into something between a sneer and a smile. He looked about forty. His face would have been pleasant, if it had not been for his eyes, which, in themselves small and inexpressive, were set remarkably close together, with only the thin, long nose as a dividing line between them. In fact, there was something strikingly birdlike about his face. He was in evening dress and white tie.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I remember the President's first questions to Mitya, about his name, his calling, and so on. Mitya answered sharply, and his voice was so unexpectedly loud that it made the President start and look at the prisoner with surprise. Then followed a list of persons who were to take part in the proceedings&#8212;that is, of the witnesses and experts. It was a long list. Four of the witnesses were not present&#8212;Mi&#252;sov, who had given evidence at the preliminary inquiry, but was now in Paris; Madame Hohlakov and Maximov, who were absent through illness; and Smerdyakov, through his sudden death, of which an official statement from the police was presented. The news of Smerdyakov's death produced a sudden stir and whisper in the court. Many of the audience, of course, had not heard of the sudden suicide. What struck people most was Mitya's sudden outburst. As soon as the statement of Smerdyakov's death was made, he cried out aloud from his place:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He was a dog and died like a dog!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I remember how his counsel rushed to him, and how the President addressed him, threatening to take stern measures, if such an irregularity were repeated. Mitya nodded and in a subdued voice repeated several times abruptly to his counsel, with no show of regret:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I won't again, I won't. It escaped me. I won't do it again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And, of course, this brief episode did him no good with the jury or the public. His character was displayed, and it spoke for itself. It was under the influence of this incident that the opening statement was read. It was rather short, but circumstantial. It only stated the chief reasons why he had been arrested, why he must be tried, and so on. Yet it made a great impression on me. The clerk read it loudly and distinctly. The whole tragedy was suddenly unfolded before us, concentrated, in bold relief, in a fatal and pitiless light. I remember how, immediately after it had been read, the President asked Mitya in a loud impressive voice:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Prisoner, do you plead guilty?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya suddenly rose from his seat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I plead guilty to drunkenness and dissipation,&#8221; he exclaimed, again in a startling, almost frenzied, voice, &#8220;to idleness and debauchery. I meant to become an honest man for good, just at the moment when I was struck down by fate. But I am not guilty of the death of that old man, my enemy and my father. No, no, I am not guilty of robbing him! I could not be. Dmitri Karamazov is a scoundrel, but not a thief.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sat down again, visibly trembling all over. The President again briefly, but impressively, admonished him to answer only what was asked, and not to go off into irrelevant exclamations. Then he ordered the case to proceed. All the witnesses were led up to take the oath. Then I saw them all together. The brothers of the prisoner were, however, allowed to give evidence without taking the oath. After an exhortation from the priest and the President, the witnesses were led away and were made to sit as far as possible apart from one another. Then they began calling them up one by one.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II. DANGEROUS WITNESSES&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I do not know whether the witnesses for the defense and for the prosecution were separated into groups by the President, and whether it was arranged to call them in a certain order. But no doubt it was so. I only know that the witnesses for the prosecution were called first. I repeat I don't intend to describe all the questions step by step. Besides, my account would be to some extent superfluous, because in the speeches for the prosecution and for the defense the whole course of the evidence was brought together and set in a strong and significant light, and I took down parts of those two remarkable speeches in full, and will quote them in due course, together with one extraordinary and quite unexpected episode, which occurred before the final speeches, and undoubtedly influenced the sinister and fatal outcome of the trial.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I will only observe that from the first moments of the trial one peculiar characteristic of the case was conspicuous and observed by all, that is, the overwhelming strength of the prosecution as compared with the arguments the defense had to rely upon. Every one realized it from the first moment that the facts began to group themselves round a single point, and the whole horrible and bloody crime was gradually revealed. Every one, perhaps, felt from the first that the case was beyond dispute, that there was no doubt about it, that there could be really no discussion, and that the defense was only a matter of form, and that the prisoner was guilty, obviously and conclusively guilty. I imagine that even the ladies, who were so impatiently longing for the acquittal of the interesting prisoner, were at the same time, without exception, convinced of his guilt. What's more, I believe they would have been mortified if his guilt had not been so firmly established, as that would have lessened the effect of the closing scene of the criminal's acquittal. That he would be acquitted, all the ladies, strange to say, were firmly persuaded up to the very last moment. &#8220;He is guilty, but he will be acquitted, from motives of humanity, in accordance with the new ideas, the new sentiments that had come into fashion,&#8221; and so on, and so on. And that was why they had crowded into the court so impatiently. The men were more interested in the contest between the prosecutor and the famous Fetyukovitch. All were wondering and asking themselves what could even a talent like Fetyukovitch's make of such a desperate case; and so they followed his achievements, step by step, with concentrated attention.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Fetyukovitch remained an enigma to all up to the very end, up to his speech. Persons of experience suspected that he had some design, that he was working towards some object, but it was almost impossible to guess what it was. His confidence and self-reliance were unmistakable, however. Every one noticed with pleasure, moreover, that he, after so short a stay, not more than three days, perhaps, among us, had so wonderfully succeeded in mastering the case and &#8220;had studied it to a nicety.&#8221; People described with relish, afterwards, how cleverly he had &#8220;taken down&#8221; all the witnesses for the prosecution, and as far as possible perplexed them and, what's more, had aspersed their reputation and so depreciated the value of their evidence. But it was supposed that he did this rather by way of sport, so to speak, for professional glory, to show nothing had been omitted of the accepted methods, for all were convinced that he could do no real good by such disparagement of the witnesses, and probably was more aware of this than any one, having some idea of his own in the background, some concealed weapon of defense, which he would suddenly reveal when the time came. But meanwhile, conscious of his strength, he seemed to be diverting himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So, for instance, when Grigory, Fyodor Pavlovitch's old servant, who had given the most damning piece of evidence about the open door, was examined, the counsel for the defense positively fastened upon him when his turn came to question him. It must be noted that Grigory entered the hall with a composed and almost stately air, not the least disconcerted by the majesty of the court or the vast audience listening to him. He gave evidence with as much confidence as though he had been talking with his Marfa, only perhaps more respectfully. It was impossible to make him contradict himself. The prosecutor questioned him first in detail about the family life of the Karamazovs. The family picture stood out in lurid colors. It was plain to ear and eye that the witness was guileless and impartial. In spite of his profound reverence for the memory of his deceased master, he yet bore witness that he had been unjust to Mitya and &#8220;hadn't brought up his children as he should. He'd have been devoured by lice when he was little, if it hadn't been for me,&#8221; he added, describing Mitya's early childhood. &#8220;It wasn't fair either of the father to wrong his son over his mother's property, which was by right his.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In reply to the prosecutor's question what grounds he had for asserting that Fyodor Pavlovitch had wronged his son in their money relations, Grigory, to the surprise of every one, had no proof at all to bring forward, but he still persisted that the arrangement with the son was &#8220;unfair,&#8221; and that he ought &#8220;to have paid him several thousand roubles more.&#8221; I must note, by the way, that the prosecutor asked this question whether Fyodor Pavlovitch had really kept back part of Mitya's inheritance with marked persistence of all the witnesses who could be asked it, not excepting Alyosha and Ivan, but he obtained no exact information from any one; all alleged that it was so, but were unable to bring forward any distinct proof. Grigory's description of the scene at the dinner-table, when Dmitri had burst in and beaten his father, threatening to come back to kill him, made a sinister impression on the court, especially as the old servant's composure in telling it, his parsimony of words and peculiar phraseology, were as effective as eloquence. He observed that he was not angry with Mitya for having knocked him down and struck him on the face; he had forgiven him long ago, he said. Of the deceased Smerdyakov he observed, crossing himself, that he was a lad of ability, but stupid and afflicted, and, worse still, an infidel, and that it was Fyodor Pavlovitch and his elder son who had taught him to be so. But he defended Smerdyakov's honesty almost with warmth, and related how Smerdyakov had once found the master's money in the yard, and, instead of concealing it, had taken it to his master, who had rewarded him with a &#8220;gold piece&#8221; for it, and trusted him implicitly from that time forward. He maintained obstinately that the door into the garden had been open. But he was asked so many questions that I can't recall them all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last the counsel for the defense began to cross-examine him, and the first question he asked was about the envelope in which Fyodor Pavlovitch was supposed to have put three thousand roubles for &#8220;a certain person.&#8221; &#8220;Have you ever seen it, you, who were for so many years in close attendance on your master?&#8221; Grigory answered that he had not seen it and had never heard of the money from anyone &#8220;till everybody was talking about it.&#8221; This question about the envelope Fetyukovitch put to every one who could conceivably have known of it, as persistently as the prosecutor asked his question about Dmitri's inheritance, and got the same answer from all, that no one had seen the envelope, though many had heard of it. From the beginning every one noticed Fetyukovitch's persistence on this subject.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, with your permission I'll ask you a question,&#8221; Fetyukovitch said, suddenly and unexpectedly. &#8220;Of what was that balsam, or, rather, decoction, made, which, as we learn from the preliminary inquiry, you used on that evening to rub your lumbago, in the hope of curing it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grigory looked blankly at the questioner, and after a brief silence muttered, &#8220;There was saffron in it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing but saffron? Don't you remember any other ingredient?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There was milfoil in it, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And pepper perhaps?&#8221; Fetyukovitch queried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, there was pepper, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Etcetera. And all dissolved in vodka?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In spirit.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a faint sound of laughter in the court.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see, in spirit. After rubbing your back, I believe, you drank what was left in the bottle with a certain pious prayer, only known to your wife?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I did.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did you drink much? Roughly speaking, a wine-glass or two?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It might have been a tumbler-full.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A tumbler-full, even. Perhaps a tumbler and a half?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grigory did not answer. He seemed to see what was meant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A glass and a half of neat spirit&#8212;is not at all bad, don't you think? You might see the gates of heaven open, not only the door into the garden?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grigory remained silent. There was another laugh in the court. The President made a movement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know for a fact,&#8221; Fetyukovitch persisted, &#8220;whether you were awake or not when you saw the open door?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was on my legs.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's not a proof that you were awake.&#8221; (There was again laughter in the court.) &#8220;Could you have answered at that moment, if anyone had asked you a question&#8212;for instance, what year it is?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what year is it, Anno Domini, do you know?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grigory stood with a perplexed face, looking straight at his tormentor. Strange to say, it appeared he really did not know what year it was.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But perhaps you can tell me how many fingers you have on your hands?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am a servant,&#8221; Grigory said suddenly, in a loud and distinct voice. &#8220;If my betters think fit to make game of me, it is my duty to suffer it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fetyukovitch was a little taken aback, and the President intervened, reminding him that he must ask more relevant questions. Fetyukovitch bowed with dignity and said that he had no more questions to ask of the witness. The public and the jury, of course, were left with a grain of doubt in their minds as to the evidence of a man who might, while undergoing a certain cure, have seen &#8220;the gates of heaven,&#8221; and who did not even know what year he was living in. But before Grigory left the box another episode occurred. The President, turning to the prisoner, asked him whether he had any comment to make on the evidence of the last witness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Except about the door, all he has said is true,&#8221; cried Mitya, in a loud voice. &#8220;For combing the lice off me, I thank him; for forgiving my blows, I thank him. The old man has been honest all his life and as faithful to my father as seven hundred poodles.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Prisoner, be careful in your language,&#8221; the President admonished him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am not a poodle,&#8221; Grigory muttered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right, it's I am a poodle myself,&#8221; cried Mitya. &#8220;If it's an insult, I take it to myself and I beg his pardon. I was a beast and cruel to him. I was cruel to &#198;sop too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What &#198;sop?&#8221; the President asked sternly again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Pierrot ... my father, Fyodor Pavlovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The President again and again warned Mitya impressively and very sternly to be more careful in his language.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are injuring yourself in the opinion of your judges.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The counsel for the defense was equally clever in dealing with the evidence of Rakitin. I may remark that Rakitin was one of the leading witnesses and one to whom the prosecutor attached great significance. It appeared that he knew everything; his knowledge was amazing, he had been everywhere, seen everything, talked to everybody, knew every detail of the biography of Fyodor Pavlovitch and all the Karamazovs. Of the envelope, it is true, he had only heard from Mitya himself. But he described minutely Mitya's exploits in the &#8220;Metropolis,&#8221; all his compromising doings and sayings, and told the story of Captain Snegiryov's &#8220;wisp of tow.&#8221; But even Rakitin could say nothing positive about Mitya's inheritance, and confined himself to contemptuous generalities.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who could tell which of them was to blame, and which was in debt to the other, with their crazy Karamazov way of muddling things so that no one could make head or tail of it?&#8221; He attributed the tragic crime to the habits that had become ingrained by ages of serfdom and the distressed condition of Russia, due to the lack of appropriate institutions. He was, in fact, allowed some latitude of speech. This was the first occasion on which Rakitin showed what he could do, and attracted notice. The prosecutor knew that the witness was preparing a magazine article on the case, and afterwards in his speech, as we shall see later, quoted some ideas from the article, showing that he had seen it already. The picture drawn by the witness was a gloomy and sinister one, and greatly strengthened the case for the prosecution. Altogether, Rakitin's discourse fascinated the public by its independence and the extraordinary nobility of its ideas. There were even two or three outbreaks of applause when he spoke of serfdom and the distressed condition of Russia.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Rakitin, in his youthful ardor, made a slight blunder, of which the counsel for the defense at once adroitly took advantage. Answering certain questions about Grushenka, and carried away by the loftiness of his own sentiments and his success, of which he was, of course, conscious, he went so far as to speak somewhat contemptuously of Agrafena Alexandrovna as &#8220;the kept mistress of Samsonov.&#8221; He would have given a good deal to take back his words afterwards, for Fetyukovitch caught him out over it at once. And it was all because Rakitin had not reckoned on the lawyer having been able to become so intimately acquainted with every detail in so short a time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Allow me to ask,&#8221; began the counsel for the defense, with the most affable and even respectful smile, &#8220;you are, of course, the same Mr. Rakitin whose pamphlet, &lt;i&gt;The Life of the Deceased Elder, Father Zossima&lt;/i&gt;, published by the diocesan authorities, full of profound and religious reflections and preceded by an excellent and devout dedication to the bishop, I have just read with such pleasure?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I did not write it for publication ... it was published afterwards,&#8221; muttered Rakitin, for some reason fearfully disconcerted and almost ashamed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, that's excellent! A thinker like you can, and indeed ought to, take the widest view of every social question. Your most instructive pamphlet has been widely circulated through the patronage of the bishop, and has been of appreciable service.... But this is the chief thing I should like to learn from you. You stated just now that you were very intimately acquainted with Madame Svyetlov.&#8221; (It must be noted that Grushenka's surname was Svyetlov. I heard it for the first time that day, during the case.)&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I cannot answer for all my acquaintances.... I am a young man ... and who can be responsible for every one he meets?&#8221; cried Rakitin, flushing all over.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I understand, I quite understand,&#8221; cried Fetyukovitch, as though he, too, were embarrassed and in haste to excuse himself. &#8220;You, like any other, might well be interested in an acquaintance with a young and beautiful woman who would readily entertain the &lt;i&gt;&#233;lite&lt;/i&gt; of the youth of the neighborhood, but ... I only wanted to know ... It has come to my knowledge that Madame Svyetlov was particularly anxious a couple of months ago to make the acquaintance of the younger Karamazov, Alexey Fyodorovitch, and promised you twenty-five roubles, if you would bring him to her in his monastic dress. And that actually took place on the evening of the day on which the terrible crime, which is the subject of the present investigation, was committed. You brought Alexey Karamazov to Madame Svyetlov, and did you receive the twenty-five roubles from Madame Svyetlov as a reward, that's what I wanted to hear from you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was a joke.... I don't see of what interest that can be to you.... I took it for a joke ... meaning to give it back later....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then you did take&#8212; But you have not given it back yet ... or have you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's of no consequence,&#8221; muttered Rakitin, &#8220;I refuse to answer such questions.... Of course I shall give it back.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The President intervened, but Fetyukovitch declared he had no more questions to ask of the witness. Mr. Rakitin left the witness-box not absolutely without a stain upon his character. The effect left by the lofty idealism of his speech was somewhat marred, and Fetyukovitch's expression, as he watched him walk away, seemed to suggest to the public &#8220;this is a specimen of the lofty-minded persons who accuse him.&#8221; I remember that this incident, too, did not pass off without an outbreak from Mitya. Enraged by the tone in which Rakitin had referred to Grushenka, he suddenly shouted &#8220;Bernard!&#8221; When, after Rakitin's cross-examination, the President asked the prisoner if he had anything to say, Mitya cried loudly:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Since I've been arrested, he has borrowed money from me! He is a contemptible Bernard and opportunist, and he doesn't believe in God; he took the bishop in!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya, of course, was pulled up again for the intemperance of his language, but Rakitin was done for. Captain Snegiryov's evidence was a failure, too, but from quite a different reason. He appeared in ragged and dirty clothes, muddy boots, and in spite of the vigilance and expert observation of the police officers, he turned out to be hopelessly drunk. On being asked about Mitya's attack upon him, he refused to answer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God bless him. Ilusha told me not to. God will make it up to me yonder.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who told you not to tell? Of whom are you talking?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ilusha, my little son. &#8216;Father, father, how he insulted you!' He said that at the stone. Now he is dying....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The captain suddenly began sobbing, and plumped down on his knees before the President. He was hurriedly led away amidst the laughter of the public. The effect prepared by the prosecutor did not come off at all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fetyukovitch went on making the most of every opportunity, and amazed people more and more by his minute knowledge of the case. Thus, for example, Trifon Borissovitch made a great impression, of course, very prejudicial to Mitya. He calculated almost on his fingers that on his first visit to Mokroe, Mitya must have spent three thousand roubles, &#8220;or very little less. Just think what he squandered on those gypsy girls alone! And as for our lousy peasants, it wasn't a case of flinging half a rouble in the street, he made them presents of twenty-five roubles each, at least, he didn't give them less. And what a lot of money was simply stolen from him! And if anyone did steal, he did not leave a receipt. How could one catch the thief when he was flinging his money away all the time? Our peasants are robbers, you know; they have no care for their souls. And the way he went on with the girls, our village girls! They're completely set up since then, I tell you, they used to be poor.&#8221; He recalled, in fact, every item of expense and added it all up. So the theory that only fifteen hundred had been spent and the rest had been put aside in a little bag seemed inconceivable.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I saw three thousand as clear as a penny in his hands, I saw it with my own eyes; I should think I ought to know how to reckon money,&#8221; cried Trifon Borissovitch, doing his best to satisfy &#8220;his betters.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Fetyukovitch had to cross-examine him, he scarcely tried to refute his evidence, but began asking him about an incident at the first carousal at Mokroe, a month before the arrest, when Timofey and another peasant called Akim had picked up on the floor in the passage a hundred roubles dropped by Mitya when he was drunk, and had given them to Trifon Borissovitch and received a rouble each from him for doing so. &#8220;Well,&#8221; asked the lawyer, &#8220;did you give that hundred roubles back to Mr. Karamazov?&#8221; Trifon Borissovitch shuffled in vain.... He was obliged, after the peasants had been examined, to admit the finding of the hundred roubles, only adding that he had religiously returned it all to Dmitri Fyodorovitch &#8220;in perfect honesty, and it's only because his honor was in liquor at the time, he wouldn't remember it.&#8221; But, as he had denied the incident of the hundred roubles till the peasants had been called to prove it, his evidence as to returning the money to Mitya was naturally regarded with great suspicion. So one of the most dangerous witnesses brought forward by the prosecution was again discredited.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The same thing happened with the Poles. They took up an attitude of pride and independence; they vociferated loudly that they had both been in the service of the Crown, and that &#8220;Pan Mitya&#8221; had offered them three thousand &#8220;to buy their honor,&#8221; and that they had seen a large sum of money in his hands. Pan Mussyalovitch introduced a terrible number of Polish words into his sentences, and seeing that this only increased his consequence in the eyes of the President and the prosecutor, grew more and more pompous, and ended by talking in Polish altogether. But Fetyukovitch caught them, too, in his snares. Trifon Borissovitch, recalled, was forced, in spite of his evasions, to admit that Pan Vrublevsky had substituted another pack of cards for the one he had provided, and that Pan Mussyalovitch had cheated during the game. Kalganov confirmed this, and both the Poles left the witness-box with damaged reputations, amidst laughter from the public.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then exactly the same thing happened with almost all the most dangerous witnesses. Fetyukovitch succeeded in casting a slur on all of them, and dismissing them with a certain derision. The lawyers and experts were lost in admiration, and were only at a loss to understand what good purpose could be served by it, for all, I repeat, felt that the case for the prosecution could not be refuted, but was growing more and more tragically overwhelming. But from the confidence of the &#8220;great magician&#8221; they saw that he was serene, and they waited, feeling that &#8220;such a man&#8221; had not come from Petersburg for nothing, and that he was not a man to return unsuccessful.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III. THE MEDICAL EXPERTS AND A POUND OF NUTS&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The evidence of the medical experts, too, was of little use to the prisoner. And it appeared later that Fetyukovitch had not reckoned much upon it. The medical line of defense had only been taken up through the insistence of Katerina Ivanovna, who had sent for a celebrated doctor from Moscow on purpose. The case for the defense could, of course, lose nothing by it and might, with luck, gain something from it. There was, however, an element of comedy about it, through the difference of opinion of the doctors. The medical experts were the famous doctor from Moscow, our doctor, Herzenstube, and the young doctor, Varvinsky. The two latter appeared also as witnesses for the prosecution.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The first to be called in the capacity of expert was Doctor Herzenstube. He was a gray and bald old man of seventy, of middle height and sturdy build. He was much esteemed and respected by every one in the town. He was a conscientious doctor and an excellent and pious man, a Hernguter or Moravian brother, I am not quite sure which. He had been living amongst us for many years and behaved with wonderful dignity. He was a kind-hearted and humane man. He treated the sick poor and peasants for nothing, visited them in their slums and huts, and left money for medicine, but he was as obstinate as a mule. If once he had taken an idea into his head, there was no shaking it. Almost every one in the town was aware, by the way, that the famous doctor had, within the first two or three days of his presence among us, uttered some extremely offensive allusions to Doctor Herzenstube's qualifications. Though the Moscow doctor asked twenty-five roubles for a visit, several people in the town were glad to take advantage of his arrival, and rushed to consult him regardless of expense. All these had, of course, been previously patients of Doctor Herzenstube, and the celebrated doctor had criticized his treatment with extreme harshness. Finally, he had asked the patients as soon as he saw them, &#8220;Well, who has been cramming you with nostrums? Herzenstube? He, he!&#8221; Doctor Herzenstube, of course, heard all this, and now all the three doctors made their appearance, one after another, to be examined.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Doctor Herzenstube roundly declared that the abnormality of the prisoner's mental faculties was self-evident. Then giving his grounds for this opinion, which I omit here, he added that the abnormality was not only evident in many of the prisoner's actions in the past, but was apparent even now at this very moment. When he was asked to explain how it was apparent now at this moment, the old doctor, with simple-hearted directness, pointed out that the prisoner on entering the court had &#8220;an extraordinary air, remarkable in the circumstances&#8221;; that he had &#8220;marched in like a soldier, looking straight before him, though it would have been more natural for him to look to the left where, among the public, the ladies were sitting, seeing that he was a great admirer of the fair sex and must be thinking much of what the ladies are saying of him now,&#8221; the old man concluded in his peculiar language.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I must add that he spoke Russian readily, but every phrase was formed in German style, which did not, however, trouble him, for it had always been a weakness of his to believe that he spoke Russian perfectly, better indeed than Russians. And he was very fond of using Russian proverbs, always declaring that the Russian proverbs were the best and most expressive sayings in the whole world. I may remark, too, that in conversation, through absent-mindedness he often forgot the most ordinary words, which sometimes went out of his head, though he knew them perfectly. The same thing happened, though, when he spoke German, and at such times he always waved his hand before his face as though trying to catch the lost word, and no one could induce him to go on speaking till he had found the missing word. His remark that the prisoner ought to have looked at the ladies on entering roused a whisper of amusement in the audience. All our ladies were very fond of our old doctor; they knew, too, that having been all his life a bachelor and a religious man of exemplary conduct, he looked upon women as lofty creatures. And so his unexpected observation struck every one as very queer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Moscow doctor, being questioned in his turn, definitely and emphatically repeated that he considered the prisoner's mental condition abnormal in the highest degree. He talked at length and with erudition of &#8220;aberration&#8221; and &#8220;mania,&#8221; and argued that, from all the facts collected, the prisoner had undoubtedly been in a condition of aberration for several days before his arrest, and, if the crime had been committed by him, it must, even if he were conscious of it, have been almost involuntary, as he had not the power to control the morbid impulse that possessed him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But apart from temporary aberration, the doctor diagnosed mania, which premised, in his words, to lead to complete insanity in the future. (It must be noted that I report this in my own words, the doctor made use of very learned and professional language.) &#8220;All his actions are in contravention of common sense and logic,&#8221; he continued. &#8220;Not to refer to what I have not seen, that is, the crime itself and the whole catastrophe, the day before yesterday, while he was talking to me, he had an unaccountably fixed look in his eye. He laughed unexpectedly when there was nothing to laugh at. He showed continual and inexplicable irritability, using strange words, &#8216;Bernard!' &#8216;Ethics!' and others equally inappropriate.&#8221; But the doctor detected mania, above all, in the fact that the prisoner could not even speak of the three thousand roubles, of which he considered himself to have been cheated, without extraordinary irritation, though he could speak comparatively lightly of other misfortunes and grievances. According to all accounts, he had even in the past, whenever the subject of the three thousand roubles was touched on, flown into a perfect frenzy, and yet he was reported to be a disinterested and not grasping man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As to the opinion of my learned colleague,&#8221; the Moscow doctor added ironically in conclusion, &#8220;that the prisoner would, on entering the court, have naturally looked at the ladies and not straight before him, I will only say that, apart from the playfulness of this theory, it is radically unsound. For though I fully agree that the prisoner, on entering the court where his fate will be decided, would not naturally look straight before him in that fixed way, and that that may really be a sign of his abnormal mental condition, at the same time I maintain that he would naturally not look to the left at the ladies, but, on the contrary, to the right to find his legal adviser, on whose help all his hopes rest and on whose defense all his future depends.&#8221; The doctor expressed his opinion positively and emphatically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the unexpected pronouncement of Doctor Varvinsky gave the last touch of comedy to the difference of opinion between the experts. In his opinion the prisoner was now, and had been all along, in a perfectly normal condition, and, although he certainly must have been in a nervous and exceedingly excited state before his arrest, this might have been due to several perfectly obvious causes, jealousy, anger, continual drunkenness, and so on. But this nervous condition would not involve the mental aberration of which mention had just been made. As to the question whether the prisoner should have looked to the left or to the right on entering the court, &#8220;in his modest opinion,&#8221; the prisoner would naturally look straight before him on entering the court, as he had in fact done, as that was where the judges, on whom his fate depended, were sitting. So that it was just by looking straight before him that he showed his perfectly normal state of mind at the present. The young doctor concluded his &#8220;modest&#8221; testimony with some heat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bravo, doctor!&#8221; cried Mitya, from his seat, &#8220;just so!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya, of course, was checked, but the young doctor's opinion had a decisive influence on the judges and on the public, and, as appeared afterwards, every one agreed with him. But Doctor Herzenstube, when called as a witness, was quite unexpectedly of use to Mitya. As an old resident in the town who had known the Karamazov family for years, he furnished some facts of great value for the prosecution, and suddenly, as though recalling something, he added:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But the poor young man might have had a very different life, for he had a good heart both in childhood and after childhood, that I know. But the Russian proverb says, &#8216;If a man has one head, it's good, but if another clever man comes to visit him, it would be better still, for then there will be two heads and not only one.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One head is good, but two are better,&#8221; the prosecutor put in impatiently. He knew the old man's habit of talking slowly and deliberately, regardless of the impression he was making and of the delay he was causing, and highly prizing his flat, dull and always gleefully complacent German wit. The old man was fond of making jokes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, that's what I say,&#8221; he went on stubbornly. &#8220;One head is good, but two are much better, but he did not meet another head with wits, and his wits went. Where did they go? I've forgotten the word.&#8221; He went on, passing his hand before his eyes, &#8220;Oh, yes, &lt;i&gt;spazieren&lt;/i&gt;.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wandering?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, wandering, that's what I say. Well, his wits went wandering and fell in such a deep hole that he lost himself. And yet he was a grateful and sensitive boy. Oh, I remember him very well, a little chap so high, left neglected by his father in the back yard, when he ran about without boots on his feet, and his little breeches hanging by one button.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A note of feeling and tenderness suddenly came into the honest old man's voice. Fetyukovitch positively started, as though scenting something, and caught at it instantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, I was a young man then.... I was ... well, I was forty-five then, and had only just come here. And I was so sorry for the boy then; I asked myself why shouldn't I buy him a pound of ... a pound of what? I've forgotten what it's called. A pound of what children are very fond of, what is it, what is it?&#8221; The doctor began waving his hands again. &#8220;It grows on a tree and is gathered and given to every one....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Apples?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, no. You have a dozen of apples, not a pound.... No, there are a lot of them, and all little. You put them in the mouth and crack.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nuts?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quite so, nuts, I say so.&#8221; The doctor repeated in the calmest way as though he had been at no loss for a word. &#8220;And I bought him a pound of nuts, for no one had ever bought the boy a pound of nuts before. And I lifted my finger and said to him, &#8216;Boy, &lt;i&gt;Gott der Vater&lt;/i&gt;.' He laughed and said, &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Gott der Vater.'... &#8216;Gott der Sohn&lt;/i&gt;.' He laughed again and lisped, &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Gott der Sohn.' &#8216;Gott der heilige Geist&lt;/i&gt;.' Then he laughed and said as best he could, &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Gott der heilige Geist&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb43&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Gott der heilige Geist &#8211; God the Holy Spirit&#034; id=&#034;nh43&#034;&gt;43&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.' I went away, and two days after I happened to be passing, and he shouted to me of himself, &#8216;Uncle, &lt;i&gt;Gott der Vater, Gott der Sohn&lt;/i&gt;,' and he had only forgotten &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Gott der heilige Geist&lt;/i&gt;.' But I reminded him of it and I felt very sorry for him again. But he was taken away, and I did not see him again. Twenty-three years passed. I am sitting one morning in my study, a white-haired old man, when there walks into the room a blooming young man, whom I should never have recognized, but he held up his finger and said, laughing, &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Gott der Vater, Gott der Sohn&lt;/i&gt;, and &lt;i&gt;Gott der heilige Geist&lt;/i&gt;. I have just arrived and have come to thank you for that pound of nuts, for no one else ever bought me a pound of nuts; you are the only one that ever did.' And then I remembered my happy youth and the poor child in the yard, without boots on his feet, and my heart was touched and I said, &#8216;You are a grateful young man, for you have remembered all your life the pound of nuts I bought you in your childhood.' And I embraced him and blessed him. And I shed tears. He laughed, but he shed tears, too ... for the Russian often laughs when he ought to be weeping. But he did weep; I saw it. And now, alas!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I am weeping now, German, I am weeping now, too, you saintly man,&#8221; Mitya cried suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In any case the anecdote made a certain favorable impression on the public. But the chief sensation in Mitya's favor was created by the evidence of Katerina Ivanovna, which I will describe directly. Indeed, when the witnesses &lt;i&gt;&#224; d&#233;charge&lt;/i&gt;, that is, called by the defense, began giving evidence, fortune seemed all at once markedly more favorable to Mitya, and what was particularly striking, this was a surprise even to the counsel for the defense. But before Katerina Ivanovna was called, Alyosha was examined, and he recalled a fact which seemed to furnish positive evidence against one important point made by the prosecution.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IV. FORTUNE SMILES ON MITYA&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It came quite as a surprise even to Alyosha himself. He was not required to take the oath, and I remember that both sides addressed him very gently and sympathetically. It was evident that his reputation for goodness had preceded him. Alyosha gave his evidence modestly and with restraint, but his warm sympathy for his unhappy brother was unmistakable. In answer to one question, he sketched his brother's character as that of a man, violent-tempered perhaps and carried away by his passions, but at the same time honorable, proud and generous, capable of self-sacrifice, if necessary. He admitted, however, that, through his passion for Grushenka and his rivalry with his father, his brother had been of late in an intolerable position. But he repelled with indignation the suggestion that his brother might have committed a murder for the sake of gain, though he recognized that the three thousand roubles had become almost an obsession with Mitya; that he looked upon them as part of the inheritance he had been cheated of by his father, and that, indifferent as he was to money as a rule, he could not even speak of that three thousand without fury. As for the rivalry of the two &#8220;ladies,&#8221; as the prosecutor expressed it&#8212;that is, of Grushenka and Katya&#8212;he answered evasively and was even unwilling to answer one or two questions altogether.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did your brother tell you, anyway, that he intended to kill your father?&#8221; asked the prosecutor. &#8220;You can refuse to answer if you think necessary,&#8221; he added.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He did not tell me so directly,&#8221; answered Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How so? Did he indirectly?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He spoke to me once of his hatred for our father and his fear that at an extreme moment ... at a moment of fury, he might perhaps murder him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you believed him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am afraid to say that I did. But I never doubted that some higher feeling would always save him at the fatal moment, as it has indeed saved him, for it was not he killed my father,&#8221; Alyosha said firmly, in a loud voice that was heard throughout the court.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor started like a war-horse at the sound of a trumpet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let me assure you that I fully believe in the complete sincerity of your conviction and do not explain it by or identify it with your affection for your unhappy brother. Your peculiar view of the whole tragic episode is known to us already from the preliminary investigation. I won't attempt to conceal from you that it is highly individual and contradicts all the other evidence collected by the prosecution. And so I think it essential to press you to tell me what facts have led you to this conviction of your brother's innocence and of the guilt of another person against whom you gave evidence at the preliminary inquiry?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I only answered the questions asked me at the preliminary inquiry,&#8221; replied Alyosha, slowly and calmly. &#8220;I made no accusation against Smerdyakov of myself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yet you gave evidence against him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was led to do so by my brother Dmitri's words. I was told what took place at his arrest and how he had pointed to Smerdyakov before I was examined. I believe absolutely that my brother is innocent, and if he didn't commit the murder, then&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then Smerdyakov? Why Smerdyakov? And why are you so completely persuaded of your brother's innocence?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I cannot help believing my brother. I know he wouldn't lie to me. I saw from his face he wasn't lying.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Only from his face? Is that all the proof you have?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have no other proof.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And of Smerdyakov's guilt you have no proof whatever but your brother's word and the expression of his face?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I have no other proof.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor dropped the examination at this point. The impression left by Alyosha's evidence on the public was most disappointing. There had been talk about Smerdyakov before the trial; some one had heard something, some one had pointed out something else, it was said that Alyosha had gathered together some extraordinary proofs of his brother's innocence and Smerdyakov's guilt, and after all there was nothing, no evidence except certain moral convictions so natural in a brother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Fetyukovitch began his cross-examination. On his asking Alyosha when it was that the prisoner had told him of his hatred for his father and that he might kill him, and whether he had heard it, for instance, at their last meeting before the catastrophe, Alyosha started as he answered, as though only just recollecting and understanding something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I remember one circumstance now which I'd quite forgotten myself. It wasn't clear to me at the time, but now&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And, obviously only now for the first time struck by an idea, he recounted eagerly how, at his last interview with Mitya that evening under the tree, on the road to the monastery, Mitya had struck himself on the breast, &#8220;the upper part of the breast,&#8221; and had repeated several times that he had a means of regaining his honor, that that means was here, here on his breast. &#8220;I thought, when he struck himself on the breast, he meant that it was in his heart,&#8221; Alyosha continued, &#8220;that he might find in his heart strength to save himself from some awful disgrace which was awaiting him and which he did not dare confess even to me. I must confess I did think at the time that he was speaking of our father, and that the disgrace he was shuddering at was the thought of going to our father and doing some violence to him. Yet it was just then that he pointed to something on his breast, so that I remember the idea struck me at the time that the heart is not on that part of the breast, but below, and that he struck himself much too high, just below the neck, and kept pointing to that place. My idea seemed silly to me at the time, but he was perhaps pointing then to that little bag in which he had fifteen hundred roubles!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just so,&#8221; Mitya cried from his place. &#8220;That's right, Alyosha, it was the little bag I struck with my fist.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fetyukovitch flew to him in hot haste entreating him to keep quiet, and at the same instant pounced on Alyosha. Alyosha, carried away himself by his recollection, warmly expressed his theory that this disgrace was probably just that fifteen hundred roubles on him, which he might have returned to Katerina Ivanovna as half of what he owed her, but which he had yet determined not to repay her and to use for another purpose&#8212;namely, to enable him to elope with Grushenka, if she consented.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is so, it must be so,&#8221; exclaimed Alyosha, in sudden excitement. &#8220;My brother cried several times that half of the disgrace, half of it (he said &lt;i&gt;half&lt;/i&gt; several times) he could free himself from at once, but that he was so unhappy in his weakness of will that he wouldn't do it ... that he knew beforehand he was incapable of doing it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you clearly, confidently remember that he struck himself just on this part of the breast?&#8221; Fetyukovitch asked eagerly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Clearly and confidently, for I thought at the time, &#8216;Why does he strike himself up there when the heart is lower down?' and the thought seemed stupid to me at the time ... I remember its seeming stupid ... it flashed through my mind. That's what brought it back to me just now. How could I have forgotten it till now? It was that little bag he meant when he said he had the means but wouldn't give back that fifteen hundred. And when he was arrested at Mokroe he cried out&#8212;I know, I was told it&#8212;that he considered it the most disgraceful act of his life that when he had the means of repaying Katerina Ivanovna half (half, note!) what he owed her, he yet could not bring himself to repay the money and preferred to remain a thief in her eyes rather than part with it. And what torture, what torture that debt has been to him!&#8221; Alyosha exclaimed in conclusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor, of course, intervened. He asked Alyosha to describe once more how it had all happened, and several times insisted on the question, &#8220;Had the prisoner seemed to point to anything? Perhaps he had simply struck himself with his fist on the breast?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But it was not with his fist,&#8221; cried Alyosha; &#8220;he pointed with his fingers and pointed here, very high up.... How could I have so completely forgotten it till this moment?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The President asked Mitya what he had to say to the last witness's evidence. Mitya confirmed it, saying that he had been pointing to the fifteen hundred roubles which were on his breast, just below the neck, and that that was, of course, the disgrace, &#8220;A disgrace I cannot deny, the most shameful act of my whole life,&#8221; cried Mitya. &#8220;I might have repaid it and didn't repay it. I preferred to remain a thief in her eyes rather than give it back. And the most shameful part of it was that I knew beforehand I shouldn't give it back! You are right, Alyosha! Thanks, Alyosha!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So Alyosha's cross-examination ended. What was important and striking about it was that one fact at least had been found, and even though this were only one tiny bit of evidence, a mere hint at evidence, it did go some little way towards proving that the bag had existed and had contained fifteen hundred roubles and that the prisoner had not been lying at the preliminary inquiry when he alleged at Mokroe that those fifteen hundred roubles were &#8220;his own.&#8221; Alyosha was glad. With a flushed face he moved away to the seat assigned to him. He kept repeating to himself: &#8220;How was it I forgot? How could I have forgotten it? And what made it come back to me now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Katerina Ivanovna was called to the witness-box. As she entered something extraordinary happened in the court. The ladies clutched their lorgnettes and opera-glasses. There was a stir among the men: some stood up to get a better view. Everybody alleged afterwards that Mitya had turned &#8220;white as a sheet&#8221; on her entrance. All in black, she advanced modestly, almost timidly. It was impossible to tell from her face that she was agitated; but there was a resolute gleam in her dark and gloomy eyes. I may remark that many people mentioned that she looked particularly handsome at that moment. She spoke softly but clearly, so that she was heard all over the court. She expressed herself with composure, or at least tried to appear composed. The President began his examination discreetly and very respectfully, as though afraid to touch on &#8220;certain chords,&#8221; and showing consideration for her great unhappiness. But in answer to one of the first questions Katerina Ivanovna replied firmly that she had been formerly betrothed to the prisoner, &#8220;until he left me of his own accord...&#8221; she added quietly. When they asked her about the three thousand she had entrusted to Mitya to post to her relations, she said firmly, &#8220;I didn't give him the money simply to send it off. I felt at the time that he was in great need of money.... I gave him the three thousand on the understanding that he should post it within the month if he cared to. There was no need for him to worry himself about that debt afterwards.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I will not repeat all the questions asked her and all her answers in detail. I will only give the substance of her evidence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was firmly convinced that he would send off that sum as soon as he got money from his father,&#8221; she went on. &#8220;I have never doubted his disinterestedness and his honesty ... his scrupulous honesty ... in money matters. He felt quite certain that he would receive the money from his father, and spoke to me several times about it. I knew he had a feud with his father and have always believed that he had been unfairly treated by his father. I don't remember any threat uttered by him against his father. He certainly never uttered any such threat before me. If he had come to me at that time, I should have at once relieved his anxiety about that unlucky three thousand roubles, but he had given up coming to see me ... and I myself was put in such a position ... that I could not invite him.... And I had no right, indeed, to be exacting as to that money,&#8221; she added suddenly, and there was a ring of resolution in her voice. &#8220;I was once indebted to him for assistance in money for more than three thousand, and I took it, although I could not at that time foresee that I should ever be in a position to repay my debt.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a note of defiance in her voice. It was then Fetyukovitch began his cross-examination.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did that take place not here, but at the beginning of your acquaintance?&#8221; Fetyukovitch suggested cautiously, feeling his way, instantly scenting something favorable. I must mention in parenthesis that, though Fetyukovitch had been brought from Petersburg partly at the instance of Katerina Ivanovna herself, he knew nothing about the episode of the four thousand roubles given her by Mitya, and of her &#8220;bowing to the ground to him.&#8221; She concealed this from him and said nothing about it, and that was strange. It may be pretty certainly assumed that she herself did not know till the very last minute whether she would speak of that episode in the court, and waited for the inspiration of the moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No, I can never forget those moments. She began telling her story. She told everything, the whole episode that Mitya had told Alyosha, and her bowing to the ground, and her reason. She told about her father and her going to Mitya, and did not in one word, in a single hint, suggest that Mitya had himself, through her sister, proposed they should &#8220;send him Katerina Ivanovna&#8221; to fetch the money. She generously concealed that and was not ashamed to make it appear as though she had of her own impulse run to the young officer, relying on something ... to beg him for the money. It was something tremendous! I turned cold and trembled as I listened. The court was hushed, trying to catch each word. It was something unexampled. Even from such a self-willed and contemptuously proud girl as she was, such an extremely frank avowal, such sacrifice, such self-immolation, seemed incredible. And for what, for whom? To save the man who had deceived and insulted her and to help, in however small a degree, in saving him, by creating a strong impression in his favor. And, indeed, the figure of the young officer who, with a respectful bow to the innocent girl, handed her his last four thousand roubles&#8212;all he had in the world&#8212;was thrown into a very sympathetic and attractive light, but ... I had a painful misgiving at heart! I felt that calumny might come of it later (and it did, in fact, it did). It was repeated all over the town afterwards with spiteful laughter that the story was perhaps not quite complete&#8212;that is, in the statement that the officer had let the young lady depart &#8220;with nothing but a respectful bow.&#8221; It was hinted that something was here omitted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And even if nothing had been omitted, if this were the whole story,&#8221; the most highly respected of our ladies maintained, &#8220;even then it's very doubtful whether it was creditable for a young girl to behave in that way, even for the sake of saving her father.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And can Katerina Ivanovna, with her intelligence, her morbid sensitiveness, have failed to understand that people would talk like that? She must have understood it, yet she made up her mind to tell everything. Of course, all these nasty little suspicions as to the truth of her story only arose afterwards and at the first moment all were deeply impressed by it. As for the judges and the lawyers, they listened in reverent, almost shame-faced silence to Katerina Ivanovna. The prosecutor did not venture upon even one question on the subject. Fetyukovitch made a low bow to her. Oh, he was almost triumphant! Much ground had been gained. For a man to give his last four thousand on a generous impulse and then for the same man to murder his father for the sake of robbing him of three thousand&#8212;the idea seemed too incongruous. Fetyukovitch felt that now the charge of theft, at least, was as good as disproved. &#8220;The case&#8221; was thrown into quite a different light. There was a wave of sympathy for Mitya. As for him.... I was told that once or twice, while Katerina Ivanovna was giving her evidence, he jumped up from his seat, sank back again, and hid his face in his hands. But when she had finished, he suddenly cried in a sobbing voice:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Katya, why have you ruined me?&#8221; and his sobs were audible all over the court. But he instantly restrained himself, and cried again:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now I am condemned!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then he sat rigid in his place, with his teeth clenched and his arms across his chest. Katerina Ivanovna remained in the court and sat down in her place. She was pale and sat with her eyes cast down. Those who were sitting near her declared that for a long time she shivered all over as though in a fever. Grushenka was called.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
I am approaching the sudden catastrophe which was perhaps the final cause of Mitya's ruin. For I am convinced, so is every one&#8212;all the lawyers said the same afterwards&#8212;that if the episode had not occurred, the prisoner would at least have been recommended to mercy. But of that later. A few words first about Grushenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She, too, was dressed entirely in black, with her magnificent black shawl on her shoulders. She walked to the witness-box with her smooth, noiseless tread, with the slightly swaying gait common in women of full figure. She looked steadily at the President, turning her eyes neither to the right nor to the left. To my thinking she looked very handsome at that moment, and not at all pale, as the ladies alleged afterwards. They declared, too, that she had a concentrated and spiteful expression. I believe that she was simply irritated and painfully conscious of the contemptuous and inquisitive eyes of our scandal-loving public. She was proud and could not stand contempt. She was one of those people who flare up, angry and eager to retaliate, at the mere suggestion of contempt. There was an element of timidity, too, of course, and inward shame at her own timidity, so it was not strange that her tone kept changing. At one moment it was angry, contemptuous and rough, and at another there was a sincere note of self-condemnation. Sometimes she spoke as though she were taking a desperate plunge; as though she felt, &#8220;I don't care what happens, I'll say it....&#8221; Apropos of her acquaintance with Fyodor Pavlovitch, she remarked curtly, &#8220;That's all nonsense, and was it my fault that he would pester me?&#8221; But a minute later she added, &#8220;It was all my fault. I was laughing at them both&#8212;at the old man and at him, too&#8212;and I brought both of them to this. It was all on account of me it happened.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Samsonov's name came up somehow. &#8220;That's nobody's business,&#8221; she snapped at once, with a sort of insolent defiance. &#8220;He was my benefactor; he took me when I hadn't a shoe to my foot, when my family had turned me out.&#8221; The President reminded her, though very politely, that she must answer the questions directly, without going off into irrelevant details. Grushenka crimsoned and her eyes flashed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The envelope with the notes in it she had not seen, but had only heard from &#8220;that wicked wretch&#8221; that Fyodor Pavlovitch had an envelope with notes for three thousand in it. &#8220;But that was all foolishness. I was only laughing. I wouldn't have gone to him for anything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To whom are you referring as &#8216;that wicked wretch'?&#8221; inquired the prosecutor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The lackey, Smerdyakov, who murdered his master and hanged himself last night.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was, of course, at once asked what ground she had for such a definite accusation; but it appeared that she, too, had no grounds for it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dmitri Fyodorovitch told me so himself; you can believe him. The woman who came between us has ruined him; she is the cause of it all, let me tell you,&#8221; Grushenka added. She seemed to be quivering with hatred, and there was a vindictive note in her voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was again asked to whom she was referring.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The young lady, Katerina Ivanovna there. She sent for me, offered me chocolate, tried to fascinate me. There's not much true shame about her, I can tell you that....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At this point the President checked her sternly, begging her to moderate her language. But the jealous woman's heart was burning, and she did not care what she did.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When the prisoner was arrested at Mokroe,&#8221; the prosecutor asked, &#8220;every one saw and heard you run out of the next room and cry out: &#8216;It's all my fault. We'll go to Siberia together!' So you already believed him to have murdered his father?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't remember what I felt at the time,&#8221; answered Grushenka. &#8220;Every one was crying out that he had killed his father, and I felt that it was my fault, that it was on my account he had murdered him. But when he said he wasn't guilty, I believed him at once, and I believe him now and always shall believe him. He is not the man to tell a lie.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Fetyukovitch began his cross-examination. I remember that among other things he asked about Rakitin and the twenty-five roubles &#8220;you paid him for bringing Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov to see you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There was nothing strange about his taking the money,&#8221; sneered Grushenka, with angry contempt. &#8220;He was always coming to me for money: he used to get thirty roubles a month at least out of me, chiefly for luxuries: he had enough to keep him without my help.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What led you to be so liberal to Mr. Rakitin?&#8221; Fetyukovitch asked, in spite of an uneasy movement on the part of the President.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, he is my cousin. His mother was my mother's sister. But he's always besought me not to tell anyone here of it, he is so dreadfully ashamed of me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This fact was a complete surprise to every one; no one in the town nor in the monastery, not even Mitya, knew of it. I was told that Rakitin turned purple with shame where he sat. Grushenka had somehow heard before she came into the court that he had given evidence against Mitya, and so she was angry. The whole effect on the public, of Rakitin's speech, of his noble sentiments, of his attacks upon serfdom and the political disorder of Russia, was this time finally ruined. Fetyukovitch was satisfied: it was another godsend. Grushenka's cross-examination did not last long and, of course, there could be nothing particularly new in her evidence. She left a very disagreeable impression on the public; hundreds of contemptuous eyes were fixed upon her, as she finished giving her evidence and sat down again in the court, at a good distance from Katerina Ivanovna. Mitya was silent throughout her evidence. He sat as though turned to stone, with his eyes fixed on the ground.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan was called to give evidence.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER V. A SUDDEN CATASTROPHE&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I may note that he had been called before Alyosha. But the usher of the court announced to the President that, owing to an attack of illness or some sort of fit, the witness could not appear at the moment, but was ready to give his evidence as soon as he recovered. But no one seemed to have heard it and it only came out later.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His entrance was for the first moment almost unnoticed. The principal witnesses, especially the two rival ladies, had already been questioned. Curiosity was satisfied for the time; the public was feeling almost fatigued. Several more witnesses were still to be heard, who probably had little information to give after all that had been given. Time was passing. Ivan walked up with extraordinary slowness, looking at no one, and with his head bowed, as though plunged in gloomy thought. He was irreproachably dressed, but his face made a painful impression, on me at least: there was an earthy look in it, a look like a dying man's. His eyes were lusterless; he raised them and looked slowly round the court. Alyosha jumped up from his seat and moaned &#8220;Ah!&#8221; I remember that, but it was hardly noticed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The President began by informing him that he was a witness not on oath, that he might answer or refuse to answer, but that, of course, he must bear witness according to his conscience, and so on, and so on. Ivan listened and looked at him blankly, but his face gradually relaxed into a smile, and as soon as the President, looking at him in astonishment, finished, he laughed outright.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and what else?&#8221; he asked in a loud voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a hush in the court; there was a feeling of something strange. The President showed signs of uneasiness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You ... are perhaps still unwell?&#8221; he began, looking everywhere for the usher.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't trouble yourself, your excellency, I am well enough and can tell you something interesting,&#8221; Ivan answered with sudden calmness and respectfulness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have some special communication to make?&#8221; the President went on, still mistrustfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ivan looked down, waited a few seconds and, raising his head, answered, almost stammering:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No ... I haven't. I have nothing particular.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They began asking him questions. He answered, as it were, reluctantly, with extreme brevity, with a sort of disgust which grew more and more marked, though he answered rationally. To many questions he answered that he did not know. He knew nothing of his father's money relations with Dmitri. &#8220;I wasn't interested in the subject,&#8221; he added. Threats to murder his father he had heard from the prisoner. Of the money in the envelope he had heard from Smerdyakov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The same thing over and over again,&#8221; he interrupted suddenly, with a look of weariness. &#8220;I have nothing particular to tell the court.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I see you are unwell and understand your feelings,&#8221; the President began.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He turned to the prosecutor and the counsel for the defense to invite them to examine the witness, if necessary, when Ivan suddenly asked in an exhausted voice:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let me go, your excellency, I feel very ill.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And with these words, without waiting for permission, he turned to walk out of the court. But after taking four steps he stood still, as though he had reached a decision, smiled slowly, and went back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am like the peasant girl, your excellency ... you know. How does it go? &#8216;I'll stand up if I like, and I won't if I don't.' They were trying to put on her sarafan to take her to church to be married, and she said, &#8216;I'll stand up if I like, and I won't if I don't.'... It's in some book about the peasantry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean by that?&#8221; the President asked severely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, this,&#8221; Ivan suddenly pulled out a roll of notes. &#8220;Here's the money ... the notes that lay in that envelope&#8221; (he nodded towards the table on which lay the material evidence), &#8220;for the sake of which our father was murdered. Where shall I put them? Mr. Superintendent, take them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The usher of the court took the whole roll and handed it to the President.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How could this money have come into your possession if it is the same money?&#8221; the President asked wonderingly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I got them from Smerdyakov, from the murderer, yesterday.... I was with him just before he hanged himself. It was he, not my brother, killed our father. He murdered him and I incited him to do it ... Who doesn't desire his father's death?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you in your right mind?&#8221; broke involuntarily from the President.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should think I am in my right mind ... in the same nasty mind as all of you ... as all these ... ugly faces.&#8221; He turned suddenly to the audience. &#8220;My father has been murdered and they pretend they are horrified,&#8221; he snarled, with furious contempt. &#8220;They keep up the sham with one another. Liars! They all desire the death of their fathers. One reptile devours another.... If there hadn't been a murder, they'd have been angry and gone home ill-humored. It's a spectacle they want! &lt;i&gt;Panem et circenses&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb44&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Panem et circenses &#8211; bread and circuses&#034; id=&#034;nh44&#034;&gt;44&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. Though I am one to talk! Have you any water? Give me a drink for Christ's sake!&#8221; He suddenly clutched his head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The usher at once approached him. Alyosha jumped up and cried, &#8220;He is ill. Don't believe him: he has brain fever.&#8221; Katerina Ivanovna rose impulsively from her seat and, rigid with horror, gazed at Ivan. Mitya stood up and greedily looked at his brother and listened to him with a wild, strange smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't disturb yourselves. I am not mad, I am only a murderer,&#8221; Ivan began again. &#8220;You can't expect eloquence from a murderer,&#8221; he added suddenly for some reason and laughed a queer laugh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prosecutor bent over to the President in obvious dismay. The two other judges communicated in agitated whispers. Fetyukovitch pricked up his ears as he listened: the hall was hushed in expectation. The President seemed suddenly to recollect himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Witness, your words are incomprehensible and impossible here. Calm yourself, if you can, and tell your story ... if you really have something to tell. How can you confirm your statement ... if indeed you are not delirious?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's just it. I have no proof. That cur Smerdyakov won't send you proofs from the other world ... in an envelope. You think of nothing but envelopes&#8212;one is enough. I've no witnesses ... except one, perhaps,&#8221; he smiled thoughtfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who is your witness?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He has a tail, your excellency, and that would be irregular! &lt;i&gt;Le diable n'existe point&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb45&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Le diable n'existe point &#8211; the Devil doesn't exist&#034; id=&#034;nh45&#034;&gt;45&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;! Don't pay attention: he is a paltry, pitiful devil,&#8221; he added suddenly. He ceased laughing and spoke as it were, confidentially. &#8220;He is here somewhere, no doubt&#8212;under that table with the material evidence on it, perhaps. Where should he sit if not there? You see, listen to me. I told him I don't want to keep quiet, and he talked about the geological cataclysm ... idiocy! Come, release the monster ... he's been singing a hymn. That's because his heart is light! It's like a drunken man in the street bawling how &#8216;Vanka went to Petersburg,' and I would give a quadrillion quadrillions for two seconds of joy. You don't know me! Oh, how stupid all this business is! Come, take me instead of him! I didn't come for nothing.... Why, why is everything so stupid?...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he began slowly, and as it were reflectively, looking round him again. But the court was all excitement by now. Alyosha rushed towards him, but the court usher had already seized Ivan by the arm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are you about?&#8221; he cried, staring into the man's face, and suddenly seizing him by the shoulders, he flung him violently to the floor. But the police were on the spot and he was seized. He screamed furiously. And all the time he was being removed, he yelled and screamed something incoherent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The whole court was thrown into confusion. I don't remember everything as it happened. I was excited myself and could not follow. I only know that afterwards, when everything was quiet again and every one understood what had happened, the court usher came in for a reprimand, though he very reasonably explained that the witness had been quite well, that the doctor had seen him an hour ago, when he had a slight attack of giddiness, but that, until he had come into the court, he had talked quite consecutively, so that nothing could have been foreseen&#8212;that he had, in fact, insisted on giving evidence. But before every one had completely regained their composure and recovered from this scene, it was followed by another. Katerina Ivanovna had an attack of hysterics. She sobbed, shrieking loudly, but refused to leave the court, struggled, and besought them not to remove her. Suddenly she cried to the President:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is more evidence I must give at once ... at once! Here is a document, a letter ... take it, read it quickly, quickly! It's a letter from that monster ... that man there, there!&#8221; she pointed to Mitya. &#8220;It was he killed his father, you will see that directly. He wrote to me how he would kill his father! But the other one is ill, he is ill, he is delirious!&#8221; she kept crying out, beside herself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The court usher took the document she held out to the President, and she, dropping into her chair, hiding her face in her hands, began convulsively and noiselessly sobbing, shaking all over, and stifling every sound for fear she should be ejected from the court. The document she had handed up was that letter Mitya had written at the &#8220;Metropolis&#8221; tavern, which Ivan had spoken of as a &#8220;mathematical proof.&#8221; Alas! its mathematical conclusiveness was recognized, and had it not been for that letter, Mitya might have escaped his doom or, at least, that doom would have been less terrible. It was, I repeat, difficult to notice every detail. What followed is still confused to my mind. The President must, I suppose, have at once passed on the document to the judges, the jury, and the lawyers on both sides. I only remember how they began examining the witness. On being gently asked by the President whether she had recovered sufficiently, Katerina Ivanovna exclaimed impetuously:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am ready, I am ready! I am quite equal to answering you,&#8221; she added, evidently still afraid that she would somehow be prevented from giving evidence. She was asked to explain in detail what this letter was and under what circumstances she received it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I received it the day before the crime was committed, but he wrote it the day before that, at the tavern&#8212;that is, two days before he committed the crime. Look, it is written on some sort of bill!&#8221; she cried breathlessly. &#8220;He hated me at that time, because he had behaved contemptibly and was running after that creature ... and because he owed me that three thousand.... Oh! he was humiliated by that three thousand on account of his own meanness! This is how it happened about that three thousand. I beg you, I beseech you, to hear me. Three weeks before he murdered his father, he came to me one morning. I knew he was in want of money, and what he wanted it for. Yes, yes&#8212;to win that creature and carry her off. I knew then that he had been false to me and meant to abandon me, and it was I, I, who gave him that money, who offered it to him on the pretext of his sending it to my sister in Moscow. And as I gave it him, I looked him in the face and said that he could send it when he liked, &#8216;in a month's time would do.' How, how could he have failed to understand that I was practically telling him to his face, &#8216;You want money to be false to me with your creature, so here's the money for you. I give it to you myself. Take it, if you have so little honor as to take it!' I wanted to prove what he was, and what happened? He took it, he took it, and squandered it with that creature in one night.... But he knew, he knew that I knew all about it. I assure you he understood, too, that I gave him that money to test him, to see whether he was so lost to all sense of honor as to take it from me. I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine, and he understood it all and he took it&#8212;he carried off my money!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's true, Katya,&#8221; Mitya roared suddenly, &#8220;I looked into your eyes and I knew that you were dishonoring me, and yet I took your money. Despise me as a scoundrel, despise me, all of you! I've deserved it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Prisoner,&#8221; cried the President, &#8220;another word and I will order you to be removed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That money was a torment to him,&#8221; Katya went on with impulsive haste. &#8220;He wanted to repay it me. He wanted to, that's true; but he needed money for that creature, too. So he murdered his father, but he didn't repay me, and went off with her to that village where he was arrested. There, again, he squandered the money he had stolen after the murder of his father. And a day before the murder he wrote me this letter. He was drunk when he wrote it. I saw it at once, at the time. He wrote it from spite, and feeling certain, positively certain, that I should never show it to any one, even if he did kill him, or else he wouldn't have written it. For he knew I shouldn't want to revenge myself and ruin him! But read it, read it attentively&#8212;more attentively, please&#8212;and you will see that he had described it all in his letter, all beforehand, how he would kill his father and where his money was kept. Look, please, don't overlook that, there's one phrase there, &#8216;I shall kill him as soon as Ivan has gone away.' So he thought it all out beforehand how he would kill him,&#8221; Katerina Ivanovna pointed out to the court with venomous and malignant triumph. Oh! it was clear she had studied every line of that letter and detected every meaning underlining it. &#8220;If he hadn't been drunk, he wouldn't have written to me; but, look, everything is written there beforehand, just as he committed the murder after. A complete program of it!&#8221; she exclaimed frantically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was reckless now of all consequences to herself, though, no doubt, she had foreseen them even a month ago, for even then, perhaps, shaking with anger, she had pondered whether to show it at the trial or not. Now she had taken the fatal plunge. I remember that the letter was read aloud by the clerk, directly afterwards, I believe. It made an overwhelming impression. They asked Mitya whether he admitted having written the letter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's mine, mine!&#8221; cried Mitya. &#8220;I shouldn't have written it, if I hadn't been drunk!... We've hated each other for many things, Katya, but I swear, I swear I loved you even while I hated you, and you didn't love me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sank back on his seat, wringing his hands in despair. The prosecutor and counsel for the defense began cross-examining her, chiefly to ascertain what had induced her to conceal such a document and to give her evidence in quite a different tone and spirit just before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes. I was telling lies just now. I was lying against my honor and my conscience, but I wanted to save him, for he has hated and despised me so!&#8221; Katya cried madly. &#8220;Oh, he has despised me horribly, he has always despised me, and do you know, he has despised me from the very moment that I bowed down to him for that money. I saw that.... I felt it at once at the time, but for a long time I wouldn't believe it. How often I have read it in his eyes, &#8216;You came of yourself, though.' Oh, he didn't understand, he had no idea why I ran to him, he can suspect nothing but baseness, he judged me by himself, he thought every one was like himself!&#8221; Katya hissed furiously, in a perfect frenzy. &#8220;And he only wanted to marry me, because I'd inherited a fortune, because of that, because of that! I always suspected it was because of that! Oh, he is a brute! He was always convinced that I should be trembling with shame all my life before him, because I went to him then, and that he had a right to despise me for ever for it, and so to be superior to me&#8212;that's why he wanted to marry me! That's so, that's all so! I tried to conquer him by my love&#8212;a love that knew no bounds. I even tried to forgive his faithlessness; but he understood nothing, nothing! How could he understand indeed? He is a monster! I only received that letter the next evening: it was brought me from the tavern&#8212;and only that morning, only that morning I wanted to forgive him everything, everything&#8212;even his treachery!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The President and the prosecutor, of course, tried to calm her. I can't help thinking that they felt ashamed of taking advantage of her hysteria and of listening to such avowals. I remember hearing them say to her, &#8220;We understand how hard it is for you; be sure we are able to feel for you,&#8221; and so on, and so on. And yet they dragged the evidence out of the raving, hysterical woman. She described at last with extraordinary clearness, which is so often seen, though only for a moment, in such over-wrought states, how Ivan had been nearly driven out of his mind during the last two months trying to save &#8220;the monster and murderer,&#8221; his brother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He tortured himself,&#8221; she exclaimed, &#8220;he was always trying to minimize his brother's guilt and confessing to me that he, too, had never loved his father, and perhaps desired his death himself. Oh, he has a tender, over-tender conscience! He tormented himself with his conscience! He told me everything, everything! He came every day and talked to me as his only friend. I have the honor to be his only friend!&#8221; she cried suddenly with a sort of defiance, and her eyes flashed. &#8220;He had been twice to see Smerdyakov. One day he came to me and said, &#8216;If it was not my brother, but Smerdyakov committed the murder' (for the legend was circulating everywhere that Smerdyakov had done it), &#8216;perhaps I too am guilty, for Smerdyakov knew I didn't like my father and perhaps believed that I desired my father's death.' Then I brought out that letter and showed it him. He was entirely convinced that his brother had done it, and he was overwhelmed by it. He couldn't endure the thought that his own brother was a parricide! Only a week ago I saw that it was making him ill. During the last few days he has talked incoherently in my presence. I saw his mind was giving way. He walked about, raving; he was seen muttering in the streets. The doctor from Moscow, at my request, examined him the day before yesterday and told me that he was on the eve of brain fever&#8212;and all on his account, on account of this monster! And last night he learnt that Smerdyakov was dead! It was such a shock that it drove him out of his mind ... and all through this monster, all for the sake of saving the monster!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Oh, of course, such an outpouring, such an avowal is only possible once in a lifetime&#8212;at the hour of death, for instance, on the way to the scaffold! But it was in Katya's character, and it was such a moment in her life. It was the same impetuous Katya who had thrown herself on the mercy of a young profligate to save her father; the same Katya who had just before, in her pride and chastity, sacrificed herself and her maidenly modesty before all these people, telling of Mitya's generous conduct, in the hope of softening his fate a little. And now, again, she sacrificed herself; but this time it was for another, and perhaps only now&#8212;perhaps only at this moment&#8212;she felt and knew how dear that other was to her! She had sacrificed herself in terror for him, conceiving all of a sudden that he had ruined himself by his confession that it was he who had committed the murder, not his brother, she had sacrificed herself to save him, to save his good name, his reputation!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And yet one terrible doubt occurred to one&#8212;was she lying in her description of her former relations with Mitya?&#8212;that was the question. No, she had not intentionally slandered him when she cried that Mitya despised her for her bowing down to him! She believed it herself. She had been firmly convinced, perhaps ever since that bow, that the simple-hearted Mitya, who even then adored her, was laughing at her and despising her. She had loved him with an hysterical, &#8220;lacerated&#8221; love only from pride, from wounded pride, and that love was not like love, but more like revenge. Oh! perhaps that lacerated love would have grown into real love, perhaps Katya longed for nothing more than that, but Mitya's faithlessness had wounded her to the bottom of her heart, and her heart could not forgive him. The moment of revenge had come upon her suddenly, and all that had been accumulating so long and so painfully in the offended woman's breast burst out all at once and unexpectedly. She betrayed Mitya, but she betrayed herself, too. And no sooner had she given full expression to her feelings than the tension of course was over and she was overwhelmed with shame. Hysterics began again: she fell on the floor, sobbing and screaming. She was carried out. At that moment Grushenka, with a wail, rushed towards Mitya before they had time to prevent her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mitya,&#8221; she wailed, &#8220;your serpent has destroyed you! There, she has shown you what she is!&#8221; she shouted to the judges, shaking with anger. At a signal from the President they seized her and tried to remove her from the court. She wouldn't allow it. She fought and struggled to get back to Mitya. Mitya uttered a cry and struggled to get to her. He was overpowered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, I think the ladies who came to see the spectacle must have been satisfied&#8212;the show had been a varied one. Then I remember the Moscow doctor appeared on the scene. I believe the President had previously sent the court usher to arrange for medical aid for Ivan. The doctor announced to the court that the sick man was suffering from a dangerous attack of brain fever, and that he must be at once removed. In answer to questions from the prosecutor and the counsel for the defense he said that the patient had come to him of his own accord the day before yesterday and that he had warned him that he had such an attack coming on, but he had not consented to be looked after. &#8220;He was certainly not in a normal state of mind: he told me himself that he saw visions when he was awake, that he met several persons in the street, who were dead, and that Satan visited him every evening,&#8221; said the doctor, in conclusion. Having given his evidence, the celebrated doctor withdrew. The letter produced by Katerina Ivanovna was added to the material proofs. After some deliberation, the judges decided to proceed with the trial and to enter both the unexpected pieces of evidence (given by Ivan and Katerina Ivanovna) on the protocol.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But I will not detail the evidence of the other witnesses, who only repeated and confirmed what had been said before, though all with their characteristic peculiarities. I repeat, all was brought together in the prosecutor's speech, which I shall quote immediately. Every one was excited, every one was electrified by the late catastrophe, and all were awaiting the speeches for the prosecution and the defense with intense impatience. Fetyukovitch was obviously shaken by Katerina Ivanovna's evidence. But the prosecutor was triumphant. When all the evidence had been taken, the court was adjourned for almost an hour. I believe it was just eight o'clock when the President returned to his seat and our prosecutor, Ippolit Kirillovitch, began his speech.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VI. THE PROSECUTOR'S SPEECH. SKETCHES OF CHARACTER&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Ippolit Kirillovitch began his speech, trembling with nervousness, with cold sweat on his forehead, feeling hot and cold all over by turns. He described this himself afterwards. He regarded this speech as his &lt;i&gt;chef-d'&#339;uvre&lt;/i&gt;, the &lt;i&gt;chef-d'&#339;uvre&lt;/i&gt; of his whole life, as his swan-song. He died, it is true, nine months later of rapid consumption, so that he had the right, as it turned out, to compare himself to a swan singing his last song. He had put his whole heart and all the brain he had into that speech. And poor Ippolit Kirillovitch unexpectedly revealed that at least some feeling for the public welfare and &#8220;the eternal question&#8221; lay concealed in him. Where his speech really excelled was in its sincerity. He genuinely believed in the prisoner's guilt; he was accusing him not as an official duty only, and in calling for vengeance he quivered with a genuine passion &#8220;for the security of society.&#8221; Even the ladies in the audience, though they remained hostile to Ippolit Kirillovitch, admitted that he made an extraordinary impression on them. He began in a breaking voice, but it soon gained strength and filled the court to the end of his speech. But as soon as he had finished, he almost fainted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen of the jury,&#8221; began the prosecutor, &#8220;this case has made a stir throughout Russia. But what is there to wonder at, what is there so peculiarly horrifying in it for us? We are so accustomed to such crimes! That's what's so horrible, that such dark deeds have ceased to horrify us. What ought to horrify us is that we are so accustomed to it, and not this or that isolated crime. What are the causes of our indifference, our lukewarm attitude to such deeds, to such signs of the times, ominous of an unenviable future? Is it our cynicism, is it the premature exhaustion of intellect and imagination in a society that is sinking into decay, in spite of its youth? Is it that our moral principles are shattered to their foundations, or is it, perhaps, a complete lack of such principles among us? I cannot answer such questions; nevertheless they are disturbing, and every citizen not only must, but ought to be harassed by them. Our newborn and still timid press has done good service to the public already, for without it we should never have heard of the horrors of unbridled violence and moral degradation which are continually made known by the press, not merely to those who attend the new jury courts established in the present reign, but to every one. And what do we read almost daily? Of things beside which the present case grows pale, and seems almost commonplace. But what is most important is that the majority of our national crimes of violence bear witness to a widespread evil, now so general among us that it is difficult to contend against it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One day we see a brilliant young officer of high society, at the very outset of his career, in a cowardly underhand way, without a pang of conscience, murdering an official who had once been his benefactor, and the servant girl, to steal his own I.O.U. and what ready money he could find on him; &#8216;it will come in handy for my pleasures in the fashionable world and for my career in the future.' After murdering them, he puts pillows under the head of each of his victims; he goes away. Next, a young hero &#8216;decorated for bravery' kills the mother of his chief and benefactor, like a highwayman, and to urge his companions to join him he asserts that &#8216;she loves him like a son, and so will follow all his directions and take no precautions.' Granted that he is a monster, yet I dare not say in these days that he is unique. Another man will not commit the murder, but will feel and think like him, and is as dishonorable in soul. In silence, alone with his conscience, he asks himself perhaps, &#8216;What is honor, and isn't the condemnation of bloodshed a prejudice?'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps people will cry out against me that I am morbid, hysterical, that it is a monstrous slander, that I am exaggerating. Let them say so&#8212;and heavens! I should be the first to rejoice if it were so! Oh, don't believe me, think of me as morbid, but remember my words; if only a tenth, if only a twentieth part of what I say is true&#8212;even so it's awful! Look how our young people commit suicide, without asking themselves Hamlet's question what there is beyond, without a sign of such a question, as though all that relates to the soul and to what awaits us beyond the grave had long been erased in their minds and buried under the sands. Look at our vice, at our profligates. Fyodor Pavlovitch, the luckless victim in the present case, was almost an innocent babe compared with many of them. And yet we all knew him, &#8216;he lived among us!'...&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, one day perhaps the leading intellects of Russia and of Europe will study the psychology of Russian crime, for the subject is worth it. But this study will come later, at leisure, when all the tragic topsy-turvydom of to-day is farther behind us, so that it's possible to examine it with more insight and more impartiality than I can do. Now we are either horrified or pretend to be horrified, though we really gloat over the spectacle, and love strong and eccentric sensations which tickle our cynical, pampered idleness. Or, like little children, we brush the dreadful ghosts away and hide our heads in the pillow so as to return to our sports and merriment as soon as they have vanished. But we must one day begin life in sober earnest, we must look at ourselves as a society; it's time we tried to grasp something of our social position, or at least to make a beginning in that direction.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A great writer&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb46&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;great writer &#8211; Gogol is meant. TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&#034; id=&#034;nh46&#034;&gt;46&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; of the last epoch, comparing Russia to a swift troika galloping to an unknown goal, exclaims, &#8216;Oh, troika, birdlike troika, who invented thee!' and adds, in proud ecstasy, that all the peoples of the world stand aside respectfully to make way for the recklessly galloping troika to pass. That may be, they may stand aside, respectfully or no, but in my poor opinion the great writer ended his book in this way either in an access of childish and na&#239;ve optimism, or simply in fear of the censorship of the day. For if the troika were drawn by his heroes, Sobakevitch, Nozdryov, Tchitchikov, it could reach no rational goal, whoever might be driving it. And those were the heroes of an older generation, ours are worse specimens still....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At this point Ippolit Kirillovitch's speech was interrupted by applause. The liberal significance of this simile was appreciated. The applause was, it's true, of brief duration, so that the President did not think it necessary to caution the public, and only looked severely in the direction of the offenders. But Ippolit Kirillovitch was encouraged; he had never been applauded before! He had been all his life unable to get a hearing, and now he suddenly had an opportunity of securing the ear of all Russia.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What, after all, is this Karamazov family, which has gained such an unenviable notoriety throughout Russia?&#8221; he continued. &#8220;Perhaps I am exaggerating, but it seems to me that certain fundamental features of the educated class of to-day are reflected in this family picture&#8212;only, of course, in miniature, &#8216;like the sun in a drop of water.' Think of that unhappy, vicious, unbridled old man, who has met with such a melancholy end, the head of a family! Beginning life of noble birth, but in a poor dependent position, through an unexpected marriage he came into a small fortune. A petty knave, a toady and buffoon, of fairly good, though undeveloped, intelligence, he was, above all, a moneylender, who grew bolder with growing prosperity. His abject and servile characteristics disappeared, his malicious and sarcastic cynicism was all that remained. On the spiritual side he was undeveloped, while his vitality was excessive. He saw nothing in life but sensual pleasure, and he brought his children up to be the same. He had no feelings for his duties as a father. He ridiculed those duties. He left his little children to the servants, and was glad to be rid of them, forgot about them completely. The old man's maxim was &lt;i&gt;Apr&#232;s moi le d&#233;luge&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb47&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;apr&#232;s moi le d&#233;luge &#8211; after me the floodgates will open.&#034; id=&#034;nh47&#034;&gt;47&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;. He was an example of everything that is opposed to civic duty, of the most complete and malignant individualism. &#8216;The world may burn for aught I care, so long as I am all right,' and he was all right; he was content, he was eager to go on living in the same way for another twenty or thirty years. He swindled his own son and spent his money, his maternal inheritance, on trying to get his mistress from him. No, I don't intend to leave the prisoner's defense altogether to my talented colleague from Petersburg. I will speak the truth myself, I can well understand what resentment he had heaped up in his son's heart against him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But enough, enough of that unhappy old man; he has paid the penalty. Let us remember, however, that he was a father, and one of the typical fathers of to-day. Am I unjust, indeed, in saying that he is typical of many modern fathers? Alas! many of them only differ in not openly professing such cynicism, for they are better educated, more cultured, but their philosophy is essentially the same as his. Perhaps I am a pessimist, but you have agreed to forgive me. Let us agree beforehand, you need not believe me, but let me speak. Let me say what I have to say, and remember something of my words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now for the children of this father, this head of a family. One of them is the prisoner before us, all the rest of my speech will deal with him. Of the other two I will speak only cursorily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The elder is one of those modern young men of brilliant education and vigorous intellect, who has lost all faith in everything. He has denied and rejected much already, like his father. We have all heard him, he was a welcome guest in local society. He never concealed his opinions, quite the contrary in fact, which justifies me in speaking rather openly of him now, of course, not as an individual, but as a member of the Karamazov family. Another personage closely connected with the case died here by his own hand last night. I mean an afflicted idiot, formerly the servant, and possibly the illegitimate son, of Fyodor Pavlovitch, Smerdyakov. At the preliminary inquiry, he told me with hysterical tears how the young Ivan Karamazov had horrified him by his spiritual audacity. &#8216;Everything in the world is lawful according to him, and nothing must be forbidden in the future&#8212;that is what he always taught me.' I believe that idiot was driven out of his mind by this theory, though, of course, the epileptic attacks from which he suffered, and this terrible catastrophe, have helped to unhinge his faculties. But he dropped one very interesting observation, which would have done credit to a more intelligent observer, and that is, indeed, why I've mentioned it: &#8216;If there is one of the sons that is like Fyodor Pavlovitch in character, it is Ivan Fyodorovitch.'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;With that remark I conclude my sketch of his character, feeling it indelicate to continue further. Oh, I don't want to draw any further conclusions and croak like a raven over the young man's future. We've seen to-day in this court that there are still good impulses in his young heart, that family feeling has not been destroyed in him by lack of faith and cynicism, which have come to him rather by inheritance than by the exercise of independent thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then the third son. Oh, he is a devout and modest youth, who does not share his elder brother's gloomy and destructive theory of life. He has sought to cling to the &#8216;ideas of the people,' or to what goes by that name in some circles of our intellectual classes. He clung to the monastery, and was within an ace of becoming a monk. He seems to me to have betrayed unconsciously, and so early, that timid despair which leads so many in our unhappy society, who dread cynicism and its corrupting influences, and mistakenly attribute all the mischief to European enlightenment, to return to their &#8216;native soil,' as they say, to the bosom, so to speak, of their mother earth, like frightened children, yearning to fall asleep on the withered bosom of their decrepit mother, and to sleep there for ever, only to escape the horrors that terrify them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For my part I wish the excellent and gifted young man every success; I trust that his youthful idealism and impulse towards the ideas of the people may never degenerate, as often happens, on the moral side into gloomy mysticism, and on the political into blind chauvinism&#8212;two elements which are even a greater menace to Russia than the premature decay, due to misunderstanding and gratuitous adoption of European ideas, from which his elder brother is suffering.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Two or three people clapped their hands at the mention of chauvinism and mysticism. Ippolit Kirillovitch had been, indeed, carried away by his own eloquence. All this had little to do with the case in hand, to say nothing of the fact of its being somewhat vague, but the sickly and consumptive man was overcome by the desire to express himself once in his life. People said afterwards that he was actuated by unworthy motives in his criticism of Ivan, because the latter had on one or two occasions got the better of him in argument, and Ippolit Kirillovitch, remembering it, tried now to take his revenge. But I don't know whether it was true. All this was only introductory, however, and the speech passed to more direct consideration of the case.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But to return to the eldest son,&#8221; Ippolit Kirillovitch went on. &#8220;He is the prisoner before us. We have his life and his actions, too, before us; the fatal day has come and all has been brought to the surface. While his brothers seem to stand for &#8216;Europeanism' and &#8216;the principles of the people,' he seems to represent Russia as she is. Oh, not all Russia, not all! God preserve us, if it were! Yet, here we have her, our mother Russia, the very scent and sound of her. Oh, he is spontaneous, he is a marvelous mingling of good and evil, he is a lover of culture and Schiller, yet he brawls in taverns and plucks out the beards of his boon companions. Oh, he, too, can be good and noble, but only when all goes well with him. What is more, he can be carried off his feet, positively carried off his feet by noble ideals, but only if they come of themselves, if they fall from heaven for him, if they need not be paid for. He dislikes paying for anything, but is very fond of receiving, and that's so with him in everything. Oh, give him every possible good in life (he couldn't be content with less), and put no obstacle in his way, and he will show that he, too, can be noble. He is not greedy, no, but he must have money, a great deal of money, and you will see how generously, with what scorn of filthy lucre, he will fling it all away in the reckless dissipation of one night. But if he has not money, he will show what he is ready to do to get it when he is in great need of it. But all this later, let us take events in their chronological order.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;First, we have before us a poor abandoned child, running about the back-yard &#8216;without boots on his feet,' as our worthy and esteemed fellow citizen, of foreign origin, alas! expressed it just now. I repeat it again, I yield to no one the defense of the criminal. I am here to accuse him, but to defend him also. Yes, I, too, am human; I, too, can weigh the influence of home and childhood on the character. But the boy grows up and becomes an officer; for a duel and other reckless conduct he is exiled to one of the remote frontier towns of Russia. There he led a wild life as an officer. And, of course, he needed money, money before all things, and so after prolonged disputes he came to a settlement with his father, and the last six thousand was sent him. A letter is in existence in which he practically gives up his claim to the rest and settles his conflict with his father over the inheritance on the payment of this six thousand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then came his meeting with a young girl of lofty character and brilliant education. Oh, I do not venture to repeat the details; you have only just heard them. Honor, self-sacrifice were shown there, and I will be silent. The figure of the young officer, frivolous and profligate, doing homage to true nobility and a lofty ideal, was shown in a very sympathetic light before us. But the other side of the medal was unexpectedly turned to us immediately after in this very court. Again I will not venture to conjecture why it happened so, but there were causes. The same lady, bathed in tears of long-concealed indignation, alleged that he, he of all men, had despised her for her action, which, though incautious, reckless perhaps, was still dictated by lofty and generous motives. He, he, the girl's betrothed, looked at her with that smile of mockery, which was more insufferable from him than from any one. And knowing that he had already deceived her (he had deceived her, believing that she was bound to endure everything from him, even treachery), she intentionally offered him three thousand roubles, and clearly, too clearly, let him understand that she was offering him money to deceive her. &#8216;Well, will you take it or not, are you so lost to shame?' was the dumb question in her scrutinizing eyes. He looked at her, saw clearly what was in her mind (he's admitted here before you that he understood it all), appropriated that three thousand unconditionally, and squandered it in two days with the new object of his affections.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are we to believe then? The first legend of the young officer sacrificing his last farthing in a noble impulse of generosity and doing reverence to virtue, or this other revolting picture? As a rule, between two extremes one has to find the mean, but in the present case this is not true. The probability is that in the first case he was genuinely noble, and in the second as genuinely base. And why? Because he was of the broad Karamazov character&#8212;that's just what I am leading up to&#8212;capable of combining the most incongruous contradictions, and capable of the greatest heights and of the greatest depths. Remember the brilliant remark made by a young observer who has seen the Karamazov family at close quarters&#8212;Mr. Rakitin: &#8216;The sense of their own degradation is as essential to those reckless, unbridled natures as the sense of their lofty generosity.' And that's true, they need continually this unnatural mixture. Two extremes at the same moment, or they are miserable and dissatisfied and their existence is incomplete. They are wide, wide as mother Russia; they include everything and put up with everything.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;By the way, gentlemen of the jury, we've just touched upon that three thousand roubles, and I will venture to anticipate things a little. Can you conceive that a man like that, on receiving that sum and in such a way, at the price of such shame, such disgrace, such utter degradation, could have been capable that very day of setting apart half that sum, that very day, and sewing it up in a little bag, and would have had the firmness of character to carry it about with him for a whole month afterwards, in spite of every temptation and his extreme need of it! Neither in drunken debauchery in taverns, nor when he was flying into the country, trying to get from God knows whom, the money so essential to him to remove the object of his affections from being tempted by his father, did he bring himself to touch that little bag! Why, if only to avoid abandoning his mistress to the rival of whom he was so jealous, he would have been certain to have opened that bag and to have stayed at home to keep watch over her, and to await the moment when she would say to him at last &#8216;I am yours,' and to fly with her far from their fatal surroundings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But no, he did not touch his talisman, and what is the reason he gives for it? The chief reason, as I have just said, was that when she would say, &#8216;I am yours, take me where you will,' he might have the wherewithal to take her. But that first reason, in the prisoner's own words, was of little weight beside the second. While I have that money on me, he said, I am a scoundrel, not a thief, for I can always go to my insulted betrothed, and, laying down half the sum I have fraudulently appropriated, I can always say to her, &#8216;You see, I've squandered half your money, and shown I am a weak and immoral man, and, if you like, a scoundrel' (I use the prisoner's own expressions), &#8216;but though I am a scoundrel, I am not a thief, for if I had been a thief, I shouldn't have brought you back this half of the money, but should have taken it as I did the other half!' A marvelous explanation! This frantic, but weak man, who could not resist the temptation of accepting the three thousand roubles at the price of such disgrace, this very man suddenly develops the most stoical firmness, and carries about a thousand roubles without daring to touch it. Does that fit in at all with the character we have analyzed? No, and I venture to tell you how the real Dmitri Karamazov would have behaved in such circumstances, if he really had brought himself to put away the money.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At the first temptation&#8212;for instance, to entertain the woman with whom he had already squandered half the money&#8212;he would have unpicked his little bag and have taken out some hundred roubles, for why should he have taken back precisely half the money, that is, fifteen hundred roubles? why not fourteen hundred? He could just as well have said then that he was not a thief, because he brought back fourteen hundred roubles. Then another time he would have unpicked it again and taken out another hundred, and then a third, and then a fourth, and before the end of the month he would have taken the last note but one, feeling that if he took back only a hundred it would answer the purpose, for a thief would have stolen it all. And then he would have looked at this last note, and have said to himself, &#8216;It's really not worth while to give back one hundred; let's spend that, too!' That's how the real Dmitri Karamazov, as we know him, would have behaved. One cannot imagine anything more incongruous with the actual fact than this legend of the little bag. Nothing could be more inconceivable. But we shall return to that later.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After touching upon what had come out in the proceedings concerning the financial relations of father and son, and arguing again and again that it was utterly impossible, from the facts known, to determine which was in the wrong, Ippolit Kirillovitch passed to the evidence of the medical experts in reference to Mitya's fixed idea about the three thousand owing him.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VII. AN HISTORICAL SURVEY&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;The medical experts have striven to convince us that the prisoner is out of his mind and, in fact, a maniac. I maintain that he is in his right mind, and that if he had not been, he would have behaved more cleverly. As for his being a maniac, that I would agree with, but only in one point, that is, his fixed idea about the three thousand. Yet I think one might find a much simpler cause than his tendency to insanity. For my part I agree thoroughly with the young doctor who maintained that the prisoner's mental faculties have always been normal, and that he has only been irritable and exasperated. The object of the prisoner's continual and violent anger was not the sum itself; there was a special motive at the bottom of it. That motive is jealousy!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Here Ippolit Kirillovitch described at length the prisoner's fatal passion for Grushenka. He began from the moment when the prisoner went to the &#8220;young person's&#8221; lodgings &#8220;to beat her&#8221;&#8212;&#8220;I use his own expression,&#8221; the prosecutor explained&#8212;&#8220;but instead of beating her, he remained there, at her feet. That was the beginning of the passion. At the same time the prisoner's father was captivated by the same young person&#8212;a strange and fatal coincidence, for they both lost their hearts to her simultaneously, though both had known her before. And she inspired in both of them the most violent, characteristically Karamazov passion. We have her own confession: &#8216;I was laughing at both of them.' Yes, the sudden desire to make a jest of them came over her, and she conquered both of them at once. The old man, who worshiped money, at once set aside three thousand roubles as a reward for one visit from her, but soon after that, he would have been happy to lay his property and his name at her feet, if only she would become his lawful wife. We have good evidence of this. As for the prisoner, the tragedy of his fate is evident; it is before us. But such was the young person's &#8216;game.' The enchantress gave the unhappy young man no hope until the last moment, when he knelt before her, stretching out hands that were already stained with the blood of his father and rival. It was in that position that he was arrested. &#8216;Send me to Siberia with him, I have brought him to this, I am most to blame,' the woman herself cried, in genuine remorse at the moment of his arrest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The talented young man, to whom I have referred already, Mr. Rakitin, characterized this heroine in brief and impressive terms: &#8216;She was disillusioned early in life, deceived and ruined by a betrothed, who seduced and abandoned her. She was left in poverty, cursed by her respectable family, and taken under the protection of a wealthy old man, whom she still, however, considers as her benefactor. There was perhaps much that was good in her young heart, but it was embittered too early. She became prudent and saved money. She grew sarcastic and resentful against society.' After this sketch of her character it may well be understood that she might laugh at both of them simply from mischief, from malice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;After a month of hopeless love and moral degradation, during which he betrayed his betrothed and appropriated money entrusted to his honor, the prisoner was driven almost to frenzy, almost to madness by continual jealousy&#8212;and of whom? His father! And the worst of it was that the crazy old man was alluring and enticing the object of his affection by means of that very three thousand roubles, which the son looked upon as his own property, part of his inheritance from his mother, of which his father was cheating him. Yes, I admit it was hard to bear! It might well drive a man to madness. It was not the money, but the fact that this money was used with such revolting cynicism to ruin his happiness!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then the prosecutor went on to describe how the idea of murdering his father had entered the prisoner's head, and illustrated his theory with facts.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At first he only talked about it in taverns&#8212;he was talking about it all that month. Ah, he likes being always surrounded with company, and he likes to tell his companions everything, even his most diabolical and dangerous ideas; he likes to share every thought with others, and expects, for some reason, that those he confides in will meet him with perfect sympathy, enter into all his troubles and anxieties, take his part and not oppose him in anything. If not, he flies into a rage and smashes up everything in the tavern. [Then followed the anecdote about Captain Snegiryov.] Those who heard the prisoner began to think at last that he might mean more than threats, and that such a frenzy might turn threats into actions.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Here the prosecutor described the meeting of the family at the monastery, the conversations with Alyosha, and the horrible scene of violence when the prisoner had rushed into his father's house just after dinner.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I cannot positively assert,&#8221; the prosecutor continued, &#8220;that the prisoner fully intended to murder his father before that incident. Yet the idea had several times presented itself to him, and he had deliberated on it&#8212;for that we have facts, witnesses, and his own words. I confess, gentlemen of the jury,&#8221; he added, &#8220;that till to-day I have been uncertain whether to attribute to the prisoner conscious premeditation. I was firmly convinced that he had pictured the fatal moment beforehand, but had only pictured it, contemplating it as a possibility. He had not definitely considered when and how he might commit the crime.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I was only uncertain till to-day, till that fatal document was presented to the court just now. You yourselves heard that young lady's exclamation, &#8216;It is the plan, the program of the murder!' That is how she defined that miserable, drunken letter of the unhappy prisoner. And, in fact, from that letter we see that the whole fact of the murder was premeditated. It was written two days before, and so we know now for a fact that, forty-eight hours before the perpetration of his terrible design, the prisoner swore that, if he could not get money next day, he would murder his father in order to take the envelope with the notes from under his pillow, as soon as Ivan had left. &#8216;As soon as Ivan had gone away'&#8212;you hear that; so he had thought everything out, weighing every circumstance, and he carried it all out just as he had written it. The proof of premeditation is conclusive; the crime must have been committed for the sake of the money, that is stated clearly, that is written and signed. The prisoner does not deny his signature.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall be told he was drunk when he wrote it. But that does not diminish the value of the letter, quite the contrary; he wrote when drunk what he had planned when sober. Had he not planned it when sober, he would not have written it when drunk. I shall be asked: Then why did he talk about it in taverns? A man who premeditates such a crime is silent and keeps it to himself. Yes, but he talked about it before he had formed a plan, when he had only the desire, only the impulse to it. Afterwards he talked less about it. On the evening he wrote that letter at the &#8216;Metropolis' tavern, contrary to his custom he was silent, though he had been drinking. He did not play billiards, he sat in a corner, talked to no one. He did indeed turn a shopman out of his seat, but that was done almost unconsciously, because he could never enter a tavern without making a disturbance. It is true that after he had taken the final decision, he must have felt apprehensive that he had talked too much about his design beforehand, and that this might lead to his arrest and prosecution afterwards. But there was nothing for it; he could not take his words back, but his luck had served him before, it would serve him again. He believed in his star, you know! I must confess, too, that he did a great deal to avoid the fatal catastrophe. &#8216;To-morrow I shall try and borrow the money from every one,' as he writes in his peculiar language, &#8216;and if they won't give it to me, there will be bloodshed.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Here Ippolit Kirillovitch passed to a detailed description of all Mitya's efforts to borrow the money. He described his visit to Samsonov, his journey to Lyagavy. &#8220;Harassed, jeered at, hungry, after selling his watch to pay for the journey (though he tells us he had fifteen hundred roubles on him&#8212;a likely story), tortured by jealousy at having left the object of his affections in the town, suspecting that she would go to Fyodor Pavlovitch in his absence, he returned at last to the town, to find, to his joy, that she had not been near his father. He accompanied her himself to her protector. (Strange to say, he doesn't seem to have been jealous of Samsonov, which is psychologically interesting.) Then he hastens back to his ambush in the back gardens, and there learns that Smerdyakov is in a fit, that the other servant is ill&#8212;the coast is clear and he knows the &#8216;signals'&#8212;what a temptation! Still he resists it; he goes off to a lady who has for some time been residing in the town, and who is highly esteemed among us, Madame Hohlakov. That lady, who had long watched his career with compassion, gave him the most judicious advice, to give up his dissipated life, his unseemly love-affair, the waste of his youth and vigor in pot-house debauchery, and to set off to Siberia to the gold-mines: &#8216;that would be an outlet for your turbulent energies, your romantic character, your thirst for adventure.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After describing the result of this conversation and the moment when the prisoner learnt that Grushenka had not remained at Samsonov's, the sudden frenzy of the luckless man worn out with jealousy and nervous exhaustion, at the thought that she had deceived him and was now with his father, Ippolit Kirillovitch concluded by dwelling upon the fatal influence of chance. &#8220;Had the maid told him that her mistress was at Mokroe with her former lover, nothing would have happened. But she lost her head, she could only swear and protest her ignorance, and if the prisoner did not kill her on the spot, it was only because he flew in pursuit of his false mistress.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But note, frantic as he was, he took with him a brass pestle. Why that? Why not some other weapon? But since he had been contemplating his plan and preparing himself for it for a whole month, he would snatch up anything like a weapon that caught his eye. He had realized for a month past that any object of the kind would serve as a weapon, so he instantly, without hesitation, recognized that it would serve his purpose. So it was by no means unconsciously, by no means involuntarily, that he snatched up that fatal pestle. And then we find him in his father's garden&#8212;the coast is clear, there are no witnesses, darkness and jealousy. The suspicion that she was there, with him, with his rival, in his arms, and perhaps laughing at him at that moment&#8212;took his breath away. And it was not mere suspicion, the deception was open, obvious. She must be there, in that lighted room, she must be behind the screen; and the unhappy man would have us believe that he stole up to the window, peeped respectfully in, and discreetly withdrew, for fear something terrible and immoral should happen. And he tries to persuade us of that, us, who understand his character, who know his state of mind at the moment, and that he knew the signals by which he could at once enter the house.&#8221; At this point Ippolit Kirillovitch broke off to discuss exhaustively the suspected connection of Smerdyakov with the murder. He did this very circumstantially, and every one realized that, although he professed to despise that suspicion, he thought the subject of great importance.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER VIII. A TREATISE ON SMERDYAKOV&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;To begin with, what was the source of this suspicion?&#8221; (Ippolit Kirillovitch began.) &#8220;The first person who cried out that Smerdyakov had committed the murder was the prisoner himself at the moment of his arrest, yet from that time to this he had not brought forward a single fact to confirm the charge, nor the faintest suggestion of a fact. The charge is confirmed by three persons only&#8212;the two brothers of the prisoner and Madame Svyetlov. The elder of these brothers expressed his suspicions only to-day, when he was undoubtedly suffering from brain fever. But we know that for the last two months he has completely shared our conviction of his brother's guilt and did not attempt to combat that idea. But of that later. The younger brother has admitted that he has not the slightest fact to support his notion of Smerdyakov's guilt, and has only been led to that conclusion from the prisoner's own words and the expression of his face. Yes, that astounding piece of evidence has been brought forward twice to-day by him. Madame Svyetlov was even more astounding. &#8216;What the prisoner tells you, you must believe; he is not a man to tell a lie.' That is all the evidence against Smerdyakov produced by these three persons, who are all deeply concerned in the prisoner's fate. And yet the theory of Smerdyakov's guilt has been noised about, has been and is still maintained. Is it credible? Is it conceivable?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Here Ippolit Kirillovitch thought it necessary to describe the personality of Smerdyakov, &#8220;who had cut short his life in a fit of insanity.&#8221; He depicted him as a man of weak intellect, with a smattering of education, who had been thrown off his balance by philosophical ideas above his level and certain modern theories of duty, which he learnt in practice from the reckless life of his master, who was also perhaps his father&#8212;Fyodor Pavlovitch; and, theoretically, from various strange philosophical conversations with his master's elder son, Ivan Fyodorovitch, who readily indulged in this diversion, probably feeling dull or wishing to amuse himself at the valet's expense. &#8220;He spoke to me himself of his spiritual condition during the last few days at his father's house,&#8221; Ippolit Kirillovitch explained; &#8220;but others too have borne witness to it&#8212;the prisoner himself, his brother, and the servant Grigory&#8212;that is, all who knew him well.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Moreover, Smerdyakov, whose health was shaken by his attacks of epilepsy, had not the courage of a chicken. &#8216;He fell at my feet and kissed them,' the prisoner himself has told us, before he realized how damaging such a statement was to himself. &#8216;He is an epileptic chicken,' he declared about him in his characteristic language. And the prisoner chose him for his confidant (we have his own word for it) and he frightened him into consenting at last to act as a spy for him. In that capacity he deceived his master, revealing to the prisoner the existence of the envelope with the notes in it and the signals by means of which he could get into the house. How could he help telling him, indeed? &#8216;He would have killed me, I could see that he would have killed me,' he said at the inquiry, trembling and shaking even before us, though his tormentor was by that time arrested and could do him no harm. &#8216;He suspected me at every instant. In fear and trembling I hastened to tell him every secret to pacify him, that he might see that I had not deceived him and let me off alive.' Those are his own words. I wrote them down and I remember them. &#8216;When he began shouting at me, I would fall on my knees.'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He was naturally very honest and enjoyed the complete confidence of his master, ever since he had restored him some money he had lost. So it may be supposed that the poor fellow suffered pangs of remorse at having deceived his master, whom he loved as his benefactor. Persons severely afflicted with epilepsy are, so the most skillful doctors tell us, always prone to continual and morbid self-reproach. They worry over their &#8216;wickedness,' they are tormented by pangs of conscience, often entirely without cause; they exaggerate and often invent all sorts of faults and crimes. And here we have a man of that type who had really been driven to wrong-doing by terror and intimidation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He had, besides, a strong presentiment that something terrible would be the outcome of the situation that was developing before his eyes. When Ivan Fyodorovitch was leaving for Moscow, just before the catastrophe, Smerdyakov besought him to remain, though he was too timid to tell him plainly what he feared. He confined himself to hints, but his hints were not understood.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It must be observed that he looked on Ivan Fyodorovitch as a protector, whose presence in the house was a guarantee that no harm would come to pass. Remember the phrase in Dmitri Karamazov's drunken letter, &#8216;I shall kill the old man, if only Ivan goes away.' So Ivan Fyodorovitch's presence seemed to every one a guarantee of peace and order in the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But he went away, and within an hour of his young master's departure Smerdyakov was taken with an epileptic fit. But that's perfectly intelligible. Here I must mention that Smerdyakov, oppressed by terror and despair of a sort, had felt during those last few days that one of the fits from which he had suffered before at moments of strain, might be coming upon him again. The day and hour of such an attack cannot, of course, be foreseen, but every epileptic can feel beforehand that he is likely to have one. So the doctors tell us. And so, as soon as Ivan Fyodorovitch had driven out of the yard, Smerdyakov, depressed by his lonely and unprotected position, went to the cellar. He went down the stairs wondering if he would have a fit or not, and what if it were to come upon him at once. And that very apprehension, that very wonder, brought on the spasm in his throat that always precedes such attacks, and he fell unconscious into the cellar. And in this perfectly natural occurrence people try to detect a suspicion, a hint that he was shamming an attack &lt;i&gt;on purpose&lt;/i&gt;. But, if it were on purpose, the question arises at once, what was his motive? What was he reckoning on? What was he aiming at? I say nothing about medicine: science, I am told, may go astray: the doctors were not able to discriminate between the counterfeit and the real. That may be so, but answer me one question: what motive had he for such a counterfeit? Could he, had he been plotting the murder, have desired to attract the attention of the household by having a fit just before?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You see, gentlemen of the jury, on the night of the murder, there were five persons in Fyodor Pavlovitch's&#8212;Fyodor Pavlovitch himself (but he did not kill himself, that's evident); then his servant, Grigory, but he was almost killed himself; the third person was Grigory's wife, Marfa Ignatyevna, but it would be simply shameful to imagine her murdering her master. Two persons are left&#8212;the prisoner and Smerdyakov. But, if we are to believe the prisoner's statement that he is not the murderer, then Smerdyakov must have been, for there is no other alternative, no one else can be found. That is what accounts for the artful, astounding accusation against the unhappy idiot who committed suicide yesterday. Had a shadow of suspicion rested on anyone else, had there been any sixth person, I am persuaded that even the prisoner would have been ashamed to accuse Smerdyakov, and would have accused that sixth person, for to charge Smerdyakov with that murder is perfectly absurd.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen, let us lay aside psychology, let us lay aside medicine, let us even lay aside logic, let us turn only to the facts and see what the facts tell us. If Smerdyakov killed him, how did he do it? Alone or with the assistance of the prisoner? Let us consider the first alternative&#8212;that he did it alone. If he had killed him it must have been with some object, for some advantage to himself. But not having a shadow of the motive that the prisoner had for the murder&#8212;hatred, jealousy, and so on&#8212;Smerdyakov could only have murdered him for the sake of gain, in order to appropriate the three thousand roubles he had seen his master put in the envelope. And yet he tells another person&#8212;and a person most closely interested, that is, the prisoner&#8212;everything about the money and the signals, where the envelope lay, what was written on it, what it was tied up with, and, above all, told him of those signals by which he could enter the house. Did he do this simply to betray himself, or to invite to the same enterprise one who would be anxious to get that envelope for himself? &#8216;Yes,' I shall be told, &#8216;but he betrayed it from fear.' But how do you explain this? A man who could conceive such an audacious, savage act, and carry it out, tells facts which are known to no one else in the world, and which, if he held his tongue, no one would ever have guessed!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, however cowardly he might be, if he had plotted such a crime, nothing would have induced him to tell anyone about the envelope and the signals, for that was as good as betraying himself beforehand. He would have invented something, he would have told some lie if he had been forced to give information, but he would have been silent about that. For, on the other hand, if he had said nothing about the money, but had committed the murder and stolen the money, no one in the world could have charged him with murder for the sake of robbery, since no one but he had seen the money, no one but he knew of its existence in the house. Even if he had been accused of the murder, it could only have been thought that he had committed it from some other motive. But since no one had observed any such motive in him beforehand, and every one saw, on the contrary, that his master was fond of him and honored him with his confidence, he would, of course, have been the last to be suspected. People would have suspected first the man who had a motive, a man who had himself declared he had such motives, who had made no secret of it; they would, in fact, have suspected the son of the murdered man, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. Had Smerdyakov killed and robbed him, and the son been accused of it, that would, of course, have suited Smerdyakov. Yet are we to believe that, though plotting the murder, he told that son, Dmitri, about the money, the envelope, and the signals? Is that logical? Is that clear?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When the day of the murder planned by Smerdyakov came, we have him falling downstairs in a &lt;i&gt;feigned&lt;/i&gt; fit&#8212;with what object? In the first place that Grigory, who had been intending to take his medicine, might put it off and remain on guard, seeing there was no one to look after the house, and, in the second place, I suppose, that his master seeing that there was no one to guard him, and in terror of a visit from his son, might redouble his vigilance and precaution. And, most of all, I suppose that he, Smerdyakov, disabled by the fit, might be carried from the kitchen, where he always slept, apart from all the rest, and where he could go in and out as he liked, to Grigory's room at the other end of the lodge, where he was always put, shut off by a screen three paces from their own bed. This was the immemorial custom established by his master and the kind-hearted Marfa Ignatyevna, whenever he had a fit. There, lying behind the screen, he would most likely, to keep up the sham, have begun groaning, and so keeping them awake all night (as Grigory and his wife testified). And all this, we are to believe, that he might more conveniently get up and murder his master!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I shall be told that he shammed illness on purpose that he might not be suspected and that he told the prisoner of the money and the signals to tempt him to commit the murder, and when he had murdered him and had gone away with the money, making a noise, most likely, and waking people, Smerdyakov got up, am I to believe, and went in&#8212;what for? To murder his master a second time and carry off the money that had already been stolen? Gentlemen, are you laughing? I am ashamed to put forward such suggestions, but, incredible as it seems, that's just what the prisoner alleges. When he had left the house, had knocked Grigory down and raised an alarm, he tells us Smerdyakov got up, went in and murdered his master and stole the money! I won't press the point that Smerdyakov could hardly have reckoned on this beforehand, and have foreseen that the furious and exasperated son would simply come to peep in respectfully, though he knew the signals, and beat a retreat, leaving Smerdyakov his booty. Gentlemen of the jury, I put this question to you in earnest; when was the moment when Smerdyakov could have committed his crime? Name that moment, or you can't accuse him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, perhaps, the fit was a real one, the sick man suddenly recovered, heard a shout, and went out. Well&#8212;what then? He looked about him and said, &#8216;Why not go and kill the master?' And how did he know what had happened, since he had been lying unconscious till that moment? But there's a limit to these flights of fancy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;Quite so,' some astute people will tell me, &#8216;but what if they were in agreement? What if they murdered him together and shared the money&#8212;what then?' A weighty question, truly! And the facts to confirm it are astounding. One commits the murder and takes all the trouble while his accomplice lies on one side shamming a fit, apparently to arouse suspicion in every one, alarm in his master and alarm in Grigory. It would be interesting to know what motives could have induced the two accomplices to form such an insane plan.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But perhaps it was not a case of active complicity on Smerdyakov's part, but only of passive acquiescence; perhaps Smerdyakov was intimidated and agreed not to prevent the murder, and foreseeing that he would be blamed for letting his master be murdered, without screaming for help or resisting, he may have obtained permission from Dmitri Karamazov to get out of the way by shamming a fit&#8212;&#8216;you may murder him as you like; it's nothing to me.' But as this attack of Smerdyakov's was bound to throw the household into confusion, Dmitri Karamazov could never have agreed to such a plan. I will waive that point however. Supposing that he did agree, it would still follow that Dmitri Karamazov is the murderer and the instigator, and Smerdyakov is only a passive accomplice, and not even an accomplice, but merely acquiesced against his will through terror.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what do we see? As soon as he is arrested the prisoner instantly throws all the blame on Smerdyakov, not accusing him of being his accomplice, but of being himself the murderer. &#8216;He did it alone,' he says. &#8216;He murdered and robbed him. It was the work of his hands.' Strange sort of accomplices who begin to accuse one another at once! And think of the risk for Karamazov. After committing the murder while his accomplice lay in bed, he throws the blame on the invalid, who might well have resented it and in self-preservation might well have confessed the truth. For he might well have seen that the court would at once judge how far he was responsible, and so he might well have reckoned that if he were punished, it would be far less severely than the real murderer. But in that case he would have been certain to make a confession, yet he has not done so. Smerdyakov never hinted at their complicity, though the actual murderer persisted in accusing him and declaring that he had committed the crime alone.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's more, Smerdyakov at the inquiry volunteered the statement that it was &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt; who had told the prisoner of the envelope of notes and of the signals, and that, but for him, he would have known nothing about them. If he had really been a guilty accomplice, would he so readily have made this statement at the inquiry? On the contrary, he would have tried to conceal it, to distort the facts or minimize them. But he was far from distorting or minimizing them. No one but an innocent man, who had no fear of being charged with complicity, could have acted as he did. And in a fit of melancholy arising from his disease and this catastrophe he hanged himself yesterday. He left a note written in his peculiar language, &#8216;I destroy myself of my own will and inclination so as to throw no blame on any one.' What would it have cost him to add: &#8216;I am the murderer, not Karamazov'? But that he did not add. Did his conscience lead him to suicide and not to avowing his guilt?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what followed? Notes for three thousand roubles were brought into the court just now, and we were told that they were the same that lay in the envelope now on the table before us, and that the witness had received them from Smerdyakov the day before. But I need not recall the painful scene, though I will make one or two comments, selecting such trivial ones as might not be obvious at first sight to every one, and so may be overlooked. In the first place, Smerdyakov must have given back the money and hanged himself yesterday from remorse. And only yesterday he confessed his guilt to Ivan Karamazov, as the latter informs us. If it were not so, indeed, why should Ivan Fyodorovitch have kept silence till now? And so, if he has confessed, then why, I ask again, did he not avow the whole truth in the last letter he left behind, knowing that the innocent prisoner had to face this terrible ordeal the next day?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The money alone is no proof. A week ago, quite by chance, the fact came to the knowledge of myself and two other persons in this court that Ivan Fyodorovitch had sent two five per cent. coupons of five thousand each&#8212;that is, ten thousand in all&#8212;to the chief town of the province to be changed. I only mention this to point out that anyone may have money, and that it can't be proved that these notes are the same as were in Fyodor Pavlovitch's envelope.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan Karamazov, after receiving yesterday a communication of such importance from the real murderer, did not stir. Why didn't he report it at once? Why did he put it all off till morning? I think I have a right to conjecture why. His health had been giving way for a week past: he had admitted to a doctor and to his most intimate friends that he was suffering from hallucinations and seeing phantoms of the dead: he was on the eve of the attack of brain fever by which he has been stricken down to-day. In this condition he suddenly heard of Smerdyakov's death, and at once reflected, &#8216;The man is dead, I can throw the blame on him and save my brother. I have money. I will take a roll of notes and say that Smerdyakov gave them me before his death.' You will say that was dishonorable: it's dishonorable to slander even the dead, and even to save a brother. True, but what if he slandered him unconsciously? What if, finally unhinged by the sudden news of the valet's death, he imagined it really was so? You saw the recent scene: you have seen the witness's condition. He was standing up and was speaking, but where was his mind?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then followed the document, the prisoner's letter written two days before the crime, and containing a complete program of the murder. Why, then, are we looking for any other program? The crime was committed precisely according to this program, and by no other than the writer of it. Yes, gentlemen of the jury, it went off without a hitch! He did not run respectfully and timidly away from his father's window, though he was firmly convinced that the object of his affections was with him. No, that is absurd and unlikely! He went in and murdered him. Most likely he killed him in anger, burning with resentment, as soon as he looked on his hated rival. But having killed him, probably with one blow of the brass pestle, and having convinced himself, after careful search, that she was not there, he did not, however, forget to put his hand under the pillow and take out the envelope, the torn cover of which lies now on the table before us.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I mention this fact that you may note one, to my thinking, very characteristic circumstance. Had he been an experienced murderer and had he committed the murder for the sake of gain only, would he have left the torn envelope on the floor as it was found, beside the corpse? Had it been Smerdyakov, for instance, murdering his master to rob him, he would have simply carried away the envelope with him, without troubling himself to open it over his victim's corpse, for he would have known for certain that the notes were in the envelope&#8212;they had been put in and sealed up in his presence&#8212;and had he taken the envelope with him, no one would ever have known of the robbery. I ask you, gentlemen, would Smerdyakov have behaved in that way? Would he have left the envelope on the floor?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, this was the action of a frantic murderer, a murderer who was not a thief and had never stolen before that day, who snatched the notes from under the pillow, not like a thief stealing them, but as though seizing his own property from the thief who had stolen it. For that was the idea which had become almost an insane obsession in Dmitri Karamazov in regard to that money. And pouncing upon the envelope, which he had never seen before, he tore it open to make sure whether the money was in it, and ran away with the money in his pocket, even forgetting to consider that he had left an astounding piece of evidence against himself in that torn envelope on the floor. All because it was Karamazov, not Smerdyakov, he didn't think, he didn't reflect, and how should he? He ran away; he heard behind him the servant cry out; the old man caught him, stopped him and was felled to the ground by the brass pestle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The prisoner, moved by pity, leapt down to look at him. Would you believe it, he tells us that he leapt down out of pity, out of compassion, to see whether he could do anything for him. Was that a moment to show compassion? No; he jumped down simply to make certain whether the only witness of his crime were dead or alive. Any other feeling, any other motive would be unnatural. Note that he took trouble over Grigory, wiped his head with his handkerchief and, convincing himself he was dead, he ran to the house of his mistress, dazed and covered with blood. How was it he never thought that he was covered with blood and would be at once detected? But the prisoner himself assures us that he did not even notice that he was covered with blood. That may be believed, that is very possible, that always happens at such moments with criminals. On one point they will show diabolical cunning, while another will escape them altogether. But he was thinking at that moment of one thing only&#8212;where was &lt;i&gt;she&lt;/i&gt;? He wanted to find out at once where she was, so he ran to her lodging and learnt an unexpected and astounding piece of news&#8212;she had gone off to Mokroe to meet her first lover.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER IX. THE GALLOPING TROIKA. THE END OF THE PROSECUTOR'S SPEECH.&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Ippolit Kirillovitch had chosen the historical method of exposition, beloved by all nervous orators, who find in its limitation a check on their own eager rhetoric. At this moment in his speech he went off into a dissertation on Grushenka's &#8220;first lover,&#8221; and brought forward several interesting thoughts on this theme.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Karamazov, who had been frantically jealous of every one, collapsed, so to speak, and effaced himself at once before this first lover. What makes it all the more strange is that he seems to have hardly thought of this formidable rival. But he had looked upon him as a remote danger, and Karamazov always lives in the present. Possibly he regarded him as a fiction. But his wounded heart grasped instantly that the woman had been concealing this new rival and deceiving him, because he was anything but a fiction to her, because he was the one hope of her life. Grasping this instantly, he resigned himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen of the jury, I cannot help dwelling on this unexpected trait in the prisoner's character. He suddenly evinces an irresistible desire for justice, a respect for woman and a recognition of her right to love. And all this at the very moment when he had stained his hands with his father's blood for her sake! It is true that the blood he had shed was already crying out for vengeance, for, after having ruined his soul and his life in this world, he was forced to ask himself at that same instant what he was and what he could be now to her, to that being, dearer to him than his own soul, in comparison with that former lover who had returned penitent, with new love, to the woman he had once betrayed, with honorable offers, with the promise of a reformed and happy life. And he, luckless man, what could he give her now, what could he offer her?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Karamazov felt all this, knew that all ways were barred to him by his crime and that he was a criminal under sentence, and not a man with life before him! This thought crushed him. And so he instantly flew to one frantic plan, which, to a man of Karamazov's character, must have appeared the one inevitable way out of his terrible position. That way out was suicide. He ran for the pistols he had left in pledge with his friend Perhotin and on the way, as he ran, he pulled out of his pocket the money, for the sake of which he had stained his hands with his father's gore. Oh, now he needed money more than ever. Karamazov would die, Karamazov would shoot himself and it should be remembered! To be sure, he was a poet and had burnt the candle at both ends all his life. &#8216;To her, to her! and there, oh, there I will give a feast to the whole world, such as never was before, that will be remembered and talked of long after! In the midst of shouts of wild merriment, reckless gypsy songs and dances I shall raise the glass and drink to the woman I adore and her new-found happiness! And then, on the spot, at her feet, I shall dash out my brains before her and punish myself! She will remember Mitya Karamazov sometimes, she will see how Mitya loved her, she will feel for Mitya!'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here we see in excess a love of effect, a romantic despair and sentimentality, and the wild recklessness of the Karamazovs. Yes, but there is something else, gentlemen of the jury, something that cries out in the soul, throbs incessantly in the mind, and poisons the heart unto death&#8212;that &lt;i&gt;something&lt;/i&gt; is conscience, gentlemen of the jury, its judgment, its terrible torments! The pistol will settle everything, the pistol is the only way out! But &lt;i&gt;beyond&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;I don't know whether Karamazov wondered at that moment &#8216;What lies beyond,' and whether Karamazov could, like Hamlet, wonder &#8216;What lies beyond.' No, gentlemen of the jury, they have their Hamlets, but we still have our Karamazovs!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Here Ippolit Kirillovitch drew a minute picture of Mitya's preparations, the scene at Perhotin's, at the shop, with the drivers. He quoted numerous words and actions, confirmed by witnesses, and the picture made a terrible impression on the audience. The guilt of this harassed and desperate man stood out clear and convincing, when the facts were brought together.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What need had he of precaution? Two or three times he almost confessed, hinted at it, all but spoke out.&#8221; (Then followed the evidence given by witnesses.) &#8220;He even cried out to the peasant who drove him, &#8216;Do you know, you are driving a murderer!' But it was impossible for him to speak out, he had to get to Mokroe and there to finish his romance. But what was awaiting the luckless man? Almost from the first minute at Mokroe he saw that his invincible rival was perhaps by no means so invincible, that the toast to their new-found happiness was not desired and would not be acceptable. But you know the facts, gentlemen of the jury, from the preliminary inquiry. Karamazov's triumph over his rival was complete and his soul passed into quite a new phase, perhaps the most terrible phase through which his soul has passed or will pass.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One may say with certainty, gentlemen of the jury,&#8221; the prosecutor continued, &#8220;that outraged nature and the criminal heart bring their own vengeance more completely than any earthly justice. What's more, justice and punishment on earth positively alleviate the punishment of nature and are, indeed, essential to the soul of the criminal at such moments, as its salvation from despair. For I cannot imagine the horror and moral suffering of Karamazov when he learnt that she loved him, that for his sake she had rejected her first lover, that she was summoning him, Mitya, to a new life, that she was promising him happiness&#8212;and when? When everything was over for him and nothing was possible!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;By the way, I will note in parenthesis a point of importance for the light it throws on the prisoner's position at the moment. This woman, this love of his, had been till the last moment, till the very instant of his arrest, a being unattainable, passionately desired by him but unattainable. Yet why did he not shoot himself then, why did he relinquish his design and even forget where his pistol was? It was just that passionate desire for love and the hope of satisfying it that restrained him. Throughout their revels he kept close to his adored mistress, who was at the banquet with him and was more charming and fascinating to him than ever&#8212;he did not leave her side, abasing himself in his homage before her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;His passion might well, for a moment, stifle not only the fear of arrest, but even the torments of conscience. For a moment, oh, only for a moment! I can picture the state of mind of the criminal hopelessly enslaved by these influences&#8212;first, the influence of drink, of noise and excitement, of the thud of the dance and the scream of the song, and of her, flushed with wine, singing and dancing and laughing to him! Secondly, the hope in the background that the fatal end might still be far off, that not till next morning, at least, they would come and take him. So he had a few hours and that's much, very much! In a few hours one can think of many things. I imagine that he felt something like what criminals feel when they are being taken to the scaffold. They have another long, long street to pass down and at walking pace, past thousands of people. Then there will be a turning into another street and only at the end of that street the dread place of execution! I fancy that at the beginning of the journey the condemned man, sitting on his shameful cart, must feel that he has infinite life still before him. The houses recede, the cart moves on&#8212;oh, that's nothing, it's still far to the turning into the second street and he still looks boldly to right and to left at those thousands of callously curious people with their eyes fixed on him, and he still fancies that he is just such a man as they. But now the turning comes to the next street. Oh, that's nothing, nothing, there's still a whole street before him, and however many houses have been passed, he will still think there are many left. And so to the very end, to the very scaffold.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This I imagine is how it was with Karamazov then. &#8216;They've not had time yet,' he must have thought, &#8216;I may still find some way out, oh, there's still time to make some plan of defense, and now, now&#8212;she is so fascinating!'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;His soul was full of confusion and dread, but he managed, however, to put aside half his money and hide it somewhere&#8212;I cannot otherwise explain the disappearance of quite half of the three thousand he had just taken from his father's pillow. He had been in Mokroe more than once before, he had caroused there for two days together already, he knew the old big house with all its passages and outbuildings. I imagine that part of the money was hidden in that house, not long before the arrest, in some crevice, under some floor, in some corner, under the roof. With what object? I shall be asked. Why, the catastrophe may take place at once, of course; he hadn't yet considered how to meet it, he hadn't the time, his head was throbbing and his heart was with &lt;i&gt;her&lt;/i&gt;, but money&#8212;money was indispensable in any case! With money a man is always a man. Perhaps such foresight at such a moment may strike you as unnatural? But he assures us himself that a month before, at a critical and exciting moment, he had halved his money and sewn it up in a little bag. And though that was not true, as we shall prove directly, it shows the idea was a familiar one to Karamazov, he had contemplated it. What's more, when he declared at the inquiry that he had put fifteen hundred roubles in a bag (which never existed) he may have invented that little bag on the inspiration of the moment, because he had two hours before divided his money and hidden half of it at Mokroe till morning, in case of emergency, simply not to have it on himself. Two extremes, gentlemen of the jury, remember that Karamazov can contemplate two extremes and both at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We have looked in the house, but we haven't found the money. It may still be there or it may have disappeared next day and be in the prisoner's hands now. In any case he was at her side, on his knees before her, she was lying on the bed, he had his hands stretched out to her and he had so entirely forgotten everything that he did not even hear the men coming to arrest him. He hadn't time to prepare any line of defense in his mind. He was caught unawares and confronted with his judges, the arbiters of his destiny.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen of the jury, there are moments in the execution of our duties when it is terrible for us to face a man, terrible on his account, too! The moments of contemplating that animal fear, when the criminal sees that all is lost, but still struggles, still means to struggle, the moments when every instinct of self-preservation rises up in him at once and he looks at you with questioning and suffering eyes, studies you, your face, your thoughts, uncertain on which side you will strike, and his distracted mind frames thousands of plans in an instant, but he is still afraid to speak, afraid of giving himself away! This purgatory of the spirit, this animal thirst for self-preservation, these humiliating moments of the human soul, are awful, and sometimes arouse horror and compassion for the criminal even in the lawyer. And this was what we all witnessed then.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At first he was thunderstruck and in his terror dropped some very compromising phrases. &#8216;Blood! I've deserved it!' But he quickly restrained himself. He had not prepared what he was to say, what answer he was to make, he had nothing but a bare denial ready. &#8216;I am not guilty of my father's death.' That was his fence for the moment and behind it he hoped to throw up a barricade of some sort. His first compromising exclamations he hastened to explain by declaring that he was responsible for the death of the servant Grigory only. &#8216;Of that bloodshed I am guilty, but who has killed my father, gentlemen, who has killed him? Who can have killed him, &lt;i&gt;if not I&lt;/i&gt;?' Do you hear, he asked us that, us, who had come to ask him that question! Do you hear that phrase uttered with such premature haste&#8212;&#8216;if not I'&#8212;the animal cunning, the na&#239;vet&#233;, the Karamazov impatience of it? &#8216;I didn't kill him and you mustn't think I did! I wanted to kill him, gentlemen, I wanted to kill him,' he hastens to admit (he was in a hurry, in a terrible hurry), &#8216;but still I am not guilty, it is not I murdered him.' He concedes to us that he wanted to murder him, as though to say, you can see for yourselves how truthful I am, so you'll believe all the sooner that I didn't murder him. Oh, in such cases the criminal is often amazingly shallow and credulous.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At that point one of the lawyers asked him, as it were incidentally, the most simple question, &#8216;Wasn't it Smerdyakov killed him?' Then, as we expected, he was horribly angry at our having anticipated him and caught him unawares, before he had time to pave the way to choose and snatch the moment when it would be most natural to bring in Smerdyakov's name. He rushed at once to the other extreme, as he always does, and began to assure us that Smerdyakov could not have killed him, was not capable of it. But don't believe him, that was only his cunning; he didn't really give up the idea of Smerdyakov; on the contrary, he meant to bring him forward again; for, indeed, he had no one else to bring forward, but he would do that later, because for the moment that line was spoiled for him. He would bring him forward perhaps next day, or even a few days later, choosing an opportunity to cry out to us, &#8216;You know I was more skeptical about Smerdyakov than you, you remember that yourselves, but now I am convinced. He killed him, he must have done!' And for the present he falls back upon a gloomy and irritable denial. Impatience and anger prompted him, however, to the most inept and incredible explanation of how he looked into his father's window and how he respectfully withdrew. The worst of it was that he was unaware of the position of affairs, of the evidence given by Grigory.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We proceeded to search him. The search angered, but encouraged him, the whole three thousand had not been found on him, only half of it. And no doubt only at that moment of angry silence, the fiction of the little bag first occurred to him. No doubt he was conscious himself of the improbability of the story and strove painfully to make it sound more likely, to weave it into a romance that would sound plausible. In such cases the first duty, the chief task of the investigating lawyers, is to prevent the criminal being prepared, to pounce upon him unexpectedly so that he may blurt out his cherished ideas in all their simplicity, improbability and inconsistency. The criminal can only be made to speak by the sudden and apparently incidental communication of some new fact, of some circumstance of great importance in the case, of which he had no previous idea and could not have foreseen. We had such a fact in readiness&#8212;that was Grigory's evidence about the open door through which the prisoner had run out. He had completely forgotten about that door and had not even suspected that Grigory could have seen it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The effect of it was amazing. He leapt up and shouted to us, &#8216;Then Smerdyakov murdered him, it was Smerdyakov!' and so betrayed the basis of the defense he was keeping back, and betrayed it in its most improbable shape, for Smerdyakov could only have committed the murder after he had knocked Grigory down and run away. When we told him that Grigory saw the door was open before he fell down, and had heard Smerdyakov behind the screen as he came out of his bedroom&#8212;Karamazov was positively crushed. My esteemed and witty colleague, Nikolay Parfenovitch, told me afterwards that he was almost moved to tears at the sight of him. And to improve matters, the prisoner hastened to tell us about the much-talked-of little bag&#8212;so be it, you shall hear this romance!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen of the jury, I have told you already why I consider this romance not only an absurdity, but the most improbable invention that could have been brought forward in the circumstances. If one tried for a bet to invent the most unlikely story, one could hardly find anything more incredible. The worst of such stories is that the triumphant romancers can always be put to confusion and crushed by the very details in which real life is so rich and which these unhappy and involuntary story-tellers neglect as insignificant trifles. Oh, they have no thought to spare for such details, their minds are concentrated on their grand invention as a whole, and fancy anyone daring to pull them up for a trifle! But that's how they are caught. The prisoner was asked the question, &#8216;Where did you get the stuff for your little bag and who made it for you?' &#8216;I made it myself.' &#8216;And where did you get the linen?' The prisoner was positively offended, he thought it almost insulting to ask him such a trivial question, and would you believe it, his resentment was genuine! But they are all like that. &#8216;I tore it off my shirt.' &#8216;Then we shall find that shirt among your linen to-morrow, with a piece torn off.' And only fancy, gentlemen of the jury, if we really had found that torn shirt (and how could we have failed to find it in his chest of drawers or trunk?) that would have been a fact, a material fact in support of his statement! But he was incapable of that reflection. &#8216;I don't remember, it may not have been off my shirt, I sewed it up in one of my landlady's caps.' &#8216;What sort of a cap?' &#8216;It was an old cotton rag of hers lying about.' &#8216;And do you remember that clearly?' &#8216;No, I don't.' And he was angry, very angry, and yet imagine not remembering it! At the most terrible moments of man's life, for instance when he is being led to execution, he remembers just such trifles. He will forget anything but some green roof that has flashed past him on the road, or a jackdaw on a cross&#8212;that he will remember. He concealed the making of that little bag from his household, he must have remembered his humiliating fear that some one might come in and find him needle in hand, how at the slightest sound he slipped behind the screen (there is a screen in his lodgings).&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, gentlemen of the jury, why do I tell you all this, all these details, trifles?&#8221; cried Ippolit Kirillovitch suddenly. &#8220;Just because the prisoner still persists in these absurdities to this moment. He has not explained anything since that fatal night two months ago, he has not added one actual illuminating fact to his former fantastic statements; all those are trivialities. &#8216;You must believe it on my honor.' Oh, we are glad to believe it, we are eager to believe it, even if only on his word of honor! Are we jackals thirsting for human blood? Show us a single fact in the prisoner's favor and we shall rejoice; but let it be a substantial, real fact, and not a conclusion drawn from the prisoner's expression by his own brother, or that when he beat himself on the breast he must have meant to point to the little bag, in the darkness, too. We shall rejoice at the new fact, we shall be the first to repudiate our charge, we shall hasten to repudiate it. But now justice cries out and we persist, we cannot repudiate anything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ippolit Kirillovitch passed to his final peroration. He looked as though he was in a fever, he spoke of the blood that cried for vengeance, the blood of the father murdered by his son, with the base motive of robbery! He pointed to the tragic and glaring consistency of the facts.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And whatever you may hear from the talented and celebrated counsel for the defense,&#8221; Ippolit Kirillovitch could not resist adding, &#8220;whatever eloquent and touching appeals may be made to your sensibilities, remember that at this moment you are in a temple of justice. Remember that you are the champions of our justice, the champions of our holy Russia, of her principles, her family, everything that she holds sacred! Yes, you represent Russia here at this moment, and your verdict will be heard not in this hall only but will re-echo throughout the whole of Russia, and all Russia will hear you, as her champions and her judges, and she will be encouraged or disheartened by your verdict. Do not disappoint Russia and her expectations. Our fatal troika dashes on in her headlong flight perhaps to destruction and in all Russia for long past men have stretched out imploring hands and called a halt to its furious reckless course. And if other nations stand aside from that troika that may be, not from respect, as the poet would fain believe, but simply from horror. From horror, perhaps from disgust. And well it is that they stand aside, but maybe they will cease one day to do so and will form a firm wall confronting the hurrying apparition and will check the frenzied rush of our lawlessness, for the sake of their own safety, enlightenment and civilization. Already we have heard voices of alarm from Europe, they already begin to sound. Do not tempt them! Do not heap up their growing hatred by a sentence justifying the murder of a father by his son!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though Ippolit Kirillovitch was genuinely moved, he wound up his speech with this rhetorical appeal&#8212;and the effect produced by him was extraordinary. When he had finished his speech, he went out hurriedly and, as I have mentioned before, almost fainted in the adjoining room. There was no applause in the court, but serious persons were pleased. The ladies were not so well satisfied, though even they were pleased with his eloquence, especially as they had no apprehensions as to the upshot of the trial and had full trust in Fetyukovitch. &#8220;He will speak at last and of course carry all before him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Every one looked at Mitya; he sat silent through the whole of the prosecutor's speech, clenching his teeth, with his hands clasped, and his head bowed. Only from time to time he raised his head and listened, especially when Grushenka was spoken of. When the prosecutor mentioned Rakitin's opinion of her, a smile of contempt and anger passed over his face and he murmured rather audibly, &#8220;The Bernards!&#8221; When Ippolit Kirillovitch described how he had questioned and tortured him at Mokroe, Mitya raised his head and listened with intense curiosity. At one point he seemed about to jump up and cry out, but controlled himself and only shrugged his shoulders disdainfully. People talked afterwards of the end of the speech, of the prosecutor's feat in examining the prisoner at Mokroe, and jeered at Ippolit Kirillovitch. &#8220;The man could not resist boasting of his cleverness,&#8221; they said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The court was adjourned, but only for a short interval, a quarter of an hour or twenty minutes at most. There was a hum of conversation and exclamations in the audience. I remember some of them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A weighty speech,&#8221; a gentleman in one group observed gravely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He brought in too much psychology,&#8221; said another voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But it was all true, the absolute truth!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he is first rate at it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He summed it all up.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he summed us up, too,&#8221; chimed in another voice. &#8220;Do you remember, at the beginning of his speech, making out we were all like Fyodor Pavlovitch?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And at the end, too. But that was all rot.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And obscure too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He was a little too much carried away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's unjust, it's unjust.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it was smartly done, anyway. He's had long to wait, but he's had his say, ha ha!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What will the counsel for the defense say?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In another group I heard:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He had no business to make a thrust at the Petersburg man like that; &#8216;appealing to your sensibilities'&#8212;do you remember?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that was awkward of him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He was in too great a hurry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is a nervous man.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We laugh, but what must the prisoner be feeling?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, what must it be for Mitya?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In a third group:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What lady is that, the fat one, with the lorgnette, sitting at the end?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She is a general's wife, divorced, I know her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's why she has the lorgnette.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She is not good for much.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, she is a piquante little woman.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Two places beyond her there is a little fair woman, she is prettier.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They caught him smartly at Mokroe, didn't they, eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, it was smart enough. We've heard it before, how often he has told the story at people's houses!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And he couldn't resist doing it now. That's vanity.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is a man with a grievance, he he!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, and quick to take offense. And there was too much rhetoric, such long sentences.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he tries to alarm us, he kept trying to alarm us. Do you remember about the troika? Something about &#8216;They have Hamlets, but we have, so far, only Karamazovs!' That was cleverly said!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That was to propitiate the liberals. He is afraid of them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, and he is afraid of the lawyer, too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, what will Fetyukovitch say?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Whatever he says, he won't get round our peasants.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't you think so?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A fourth group:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What he said about the troika was good, that piece about the other nations.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And that was true what he said about other nations not standing it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, in the English Parliament a Member got up last week and speaking about the Nihilists asked the Ministry whether it was not high time to intervene, to educate this barbarous people. Ippolit was thinking of him, I know he was. He was talking about that last week.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not an easy job.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not an easy job? Why not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, we'd shut up Kronstadt and not let them have any corn. Where would they get it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In America. They get it from America now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nonsense!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the bell rang, all rushed to their places. Fetyukovitch mounted the tribune.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER X. THE SPEECH FOR THE DEFENSE. AN ARGUMENT THAT CUTS BOTH WAYS&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;All was hushed as the first words of the famous orator rang out. The eyes of the audience were fastened upon him. He began very simply and directly, with an air of conviction, but not the slightest trace of conceit. He made no attempt at eloquence, at pathos, or emotional phrases. He was like a man speaking in a circle of intimate and sympathetic friends. His voice was a fine one, sonorous and sympathetic, and there was something genuine and simple in the very sound of it. But every one realized at once that the speaker might suddenly rise to genuine pathos and &#8220;pierce the heart with untold power.&#8221; His language was perhaps more irregular than Ippolit Kirillovitch's, but he spoke without long phrases, and indeed, with more precision. One thing did not please the ladies: he kept bending forward, especially at the beginning of his speech, not exactly bowing, but as though he were about to dart at his listeners, bending his long spine in half, as though there were a spring in the middle that enabled him to bend almost at right angles.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the beginning of his speech he spoke rather disconnectedly, without system, one may say, dealing with facts separately, though, at the end, these facts formed a whole. His speech might be divided into two parts, the first consisting of criticism in refutation of the charge, sometimes malicious and sarcastic. But in the second half he suddenly changed his tone, and even his manner, and at once rose to pathos. The audience seemed on the look-out for it, and quivered with enthusiasm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He went straight to the point, and began by saying that although he practiced in Petersburg, he had more than once visited provincial towns to defend prisoners, of whose innocence he had a conviction or at least a preconceived idea. &#8220;That is what has happened to me in the present case,&#8221; he explained. &#8220;From the very first accounts in the newspapers I was struck by something which strongly prepossessed me in the prisoner's favor. What interested me most was a fact which often occurs in legal practice, but rarely, I think, in such an extreme and peculiar form as in the present case. I ought to formulate that peculiarity only at the end of my speech, but I will do so at the very beginning, for it is my weakness to go to work directly, not keeping my effects in reserve and economizing my material. That may be imprudent on my part, but at least it's sincere. What I have in my mind is this: there is an overwhelming chain of evidence against the prisoner, and at the same time not one fact that will stand criticism, if it is examined separately. As I followed the case more closely in the papers my idea was more and more confirmed, and I suddenly received from the prisoner's relatives a request to undertake his defense. I at once hurried here, and here I became completely convinced. It was to break down this terrible chain of facts, and to show that each piece of evidence taken separately was unproved and fantastic, that I undertook the case.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So Fetyukovitch began.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen of the jury,&#8221; he suddenly protested, &#8220;I am new to this district. I have no preconceived ideas. The prisoner, a man of turbulent and unbridled temper, has not insulted me. But he has insulted perhaps hundreds of persons in this town, and so prejudiced many people against him beforehand. Of course I recognize that the moral sentiment of local society is justly excited against him. The prisoner is of turbulent and violent temper. Yet he was received in society here; he was even welcome in the family of my talented friend, the prosecutor.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
(N.B. At these words there were two or three laughs in the audience, quickly suppressed, but noticed by all. All of us knew that the prosecutor received Mitya against his will, solely because he had somehow interested his wife&#8212;a lady of the highest virtue and moral worth, but fanciful, capricious, and fond of opposing her husband, especially in trifles. Mitya's visits, however, had not been frequent.)&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nevertheless I venture to suggest,&#8221; Fetyukovitch continued, &#8220;that in spite of his independent mind and just character, my opponent may have formed a mistaken prejudice against my unfortunate client. Oh, that is so natural; the unfortunate man has only too well deserved such prejudice. Outraged morality, and still more outraged taste, is often relentless. We have, in the talented prosecutor's speech, heard a stern analysis of the prisoner's character and conduct, and his severe critical attitude to the case was evident. And, what's more, he went into psychological subtleties into which he could not have entered, if he had the least conscious and malicious prejudice against the prisoner. But there are things which are even worse, even more fatal in such cases, than the most malicious and consciously unfair attitude. It is worse if we are carried away by the artistic instinct, by the desire to create, so to speak, a romance, especially if God has endowed us with psychological insight. Before I started on my way here, I was warned in Petersburg, and was myself aware, that I should find here a talented opponent whose psychological insight and subtlety had gained him peculiar renown in legal circles of recent years. But profound as psychology is, it's a knife that cuts both ways.&#8221; (Laughter among the public.) &#8220;You will, of course, forgive me my comparison; I can't boast of eloquence. But I will take as an example any point in the prosecutor's speech.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The prisoner, running away in the garden in the dark, climbed over the fence, was seized by the servant, and knocked him down with a brass pestle. Then he jumped back into the garden and spent five minutes over the man, trying to discover whether he had killed him or not. And the prosecutor refuses to believe the prisoner's statement that he ran to old Grigory out of pity. &#8216;No,' he says, &#8216;such sensibility is impossible at such a moment, that's unnatural; he ran to find out whether the only witness of his crime was dead or alive, and so showed that he had committed the murder, since he would not have run back for any other reason.'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here you have psychology; but let us take the same method and apply it to the case the other way round, and our result will be no less probable. The murderer, we are told, leapt down to find out, as a precaution, whether the witness was alive or not, yet he had left in his murdered father's study, as the prosecutor himself argues, an amazing piece of evidence in the shape of a torn envelope, with an inscription that there had been three thousand roubles in it. &#8216;If he had carried that envelope away with him, no one in the world would have known of that envelope and of the notes in it, and that the money had been stolen by the prisoner.' Those are the prosecutor's own words. So on one side you see a complete absence of precaution, a man who has lost his head and run away in a fright, leaving that clew on the floor, and two minutes later, when he has killed another man, we are entitled to assume the most heartless and calculating foresight in him. But even admitting this was so, it is psychological subtlety, I suppose, that discerns that under certain circumstances I become as bloodthirsty and keen-sighted as a Caucasian eagle, while at the next I am as timid and blind as a mole. But if I am so bloodthirsty and cruelly calculating that when I kill a man I only run back to find out whether he is alive to witness against me, why should I spend five minutes looking after my victim at the risk of encountering other witnesses? Why soak my handkerchief, wiping the blood off his head so that it may be evidence against me later? If he were so cold-hearted and calculating, why not hit the servant on the head again and again with the same pestle so as to kill him outright and relieve himself of all anxiety about the witness?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Again, though he ran to see whether the witness was alive, he left another witness on the path, that brass pestle which he had taken from the two women, and which they could always recognize afterwards as theirs, and prove that he had taken it from them. And it is not as though he had forgotten it on the path, dropped it through carelessness or haste, no, he had flung away his weapon, for it was found fifteen paces from where Grigory lay. Why did he do so? Just because he was grieved at having killed a man, an old servant; and he flung away the pestle with a curse, as a murderous weapon. That's how it must have been, what other reason could he have had for throwing it so far? And if he was capable of feeling grief and pity at having killed a man, it shows that he was innocent of his father's murder. Had he murdered him, he would never have run to another victim out of pity; then he would have felt differently; his thoughts would have been centered on self-preservation. He would have had none to spare for pity, that is beyond doubt. On the contrary, he would have broken his skull instead of spending five minutes looking after him. There was room for pity and good-feeling just because his conscience had been clear till then. Here we have a different psychology. I have purposely resorted to this method, gentlemen of the jury, to show that you can prove anything by it. It all depends on who makes use of it. Psychology lures even most serious people into romancing, and quite unconsciously. I am speaking of the abuse of psychology, gentlemen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sounds of approval and laughter, at the expense of the prosecutor, were again audible in the court. I will not repeat the speech in detail; I will only quote some passages from it, some leading points.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER XI. THERE WAS NO MONEY. THERE WAS NO ROBBERY&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;There was one point that struck every one in Fetyukovitch's speech. He flatly denied the existence of the fatal three thousand roubles, and consequently, the possibility of their having been stolen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen of the jury,&#8221; he began. &#8220;Every new and unprejudiced observer must be struck by a characteristic peculiarity in the present case, namely, the charge of robbery, and the complete impossibility of proving that there was anything to be stolen. We are told that money was stolen&#8212;three thousand roubles&#8212;but whether those roubles ever existed, nobody knows. Consider, how have we heard of that sum, and who has seen the notes? The only person who saw them, and stated that they had been put in the envelope, was the servant, Smerdyakov. He had spoken of it to the prisoner and his brother, Ivan Fyodorovitch, before the catastrophe. Madame Svyetlov, too, had been told of it. But not one of these three persons had actually seen the notes, no one but Smerdyakov had seen them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here the question arises, if it's true that they did exist, and that Smerdyakov had seen them, when did he see them for the last time? What if his master had taken the notes from under his bed and put them back in his cash-box without telling him? Note, that according to Smerdyakov's story the notes were kept under the mattress; the prisoner must have pulled them out, and yet the bed was absolutely unrumpled; that is carefully recorded in the protocol. How could the prisoner have found the notes without disturbing the bed? How could he have helped soiling with his blood-stained hands the fine and spotless linen with which the bed had been purposely made?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I shall be asked: What about the envelope on the floor? Yes, it's worth saying a word or two about that envelope. I was somewhat surprised just now to hear the highly talented prosecutor declare of himself&#8212;of himself, observe&#8212;that but for that envelope, but for its being left on the floor, no one in the world would have known of the existence of that envelope and the notes in it, and therefore of the prisoner's having stolen it. And so that torn scrap of paper is, by the prosecutor's own admission, the sole proof on which the charge of robbery rests, &#8216;otherwise no one would have known of the robbery, nor perhaps even of the money.' But is the mere fact that that scrap of paper was lying on the floor a proof that there was money in it, and that that money had been stolen? Yet, it will be objected, Smerdyakov had seen the money in the envelope. But when, when had he seen it for the last time, I ask you that? I talked to Smerdyakov, and he told me that he had seen the notes two days before the catastrophe. Then why not imagine that old Fyodor Pavlovitch, locked up alone in impatient and hysterical expectation of the object of his adoration, may have whiled away the time by breaking open the envelope and taking out the notes. &#8216;What's the use of the envelope?' he may have asked himself. &#8216;She won't believe the notes are there, but when I show her the thirty rainbow-colored notes in one roll, it will make more impression, you may be sure, it will make her mouth water.' And so he tears open the envelope, takes out the money, and flings the envelope on the floor, conscious of being the owner and untroubled by any fears of leaving evidence.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, gentlemen, could anything be more likely than this theory and such an action? Why is it out of the question? But if anything of the sort could have taken place, the charge of robbery falls to the ground; if there was no money, there was no theft of it. If the envelope on the floor may be taken as evidence that there had been money in it, why may I not maintain the opposite, that the envelope was on the floor because the money had been taken from it by its owner?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I shall be asked what became of the money if Fyodor Pavlovitch took it out of the envelope since it was not found when the police searched the house? In the first place, part of the money was found in the cash-box, and secondly, he might have taken it out that morning or the evening before to make some other use of it, to give or send it away; he may have changed his idea, his plan of action completely, without thinking it necessary to announce the fact to Smerdyakov beforehand. And if there is the barest possibility of such an explanation, how can the prisoner be so positively accused of having committed murder for the sake of robbery, and of having actually carried out that robbery? This is encroaching on the domain of romance. If it is maintained that something has been stolen, the thing must be produced, or at least its existence must be proved beyond doubt. Yet no one had ever seen these notes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not long ago in Petersburg a young man of eighteen, hardly more than a boy, who carried on a small business as a costermonger, went in broad daylight into a moneychanger's shop with an ax, and with extraordinary, typical audacity killed the master of the shop and carried off fifteen hundred roubles. Five hours later he was arrested, and, except fifteen roubles he had already managed to spend, the whole sum was found on him. Moreover, the shopman, on his return to the shop after the murder, informed the police not only of the exact sum stolen, but even of the notes and gold coins of which that sum was made up, and those very notes and coins were found on the criminal. This was followed by a full and genuine confession on the part of the murderer. That's what I call evidence, gentlemen of the jury! In that case I know, I see, I touch the money, and cannot deny its existence. Is it the same in the present case? And yet it is a question of life and death.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I shall be told, but he was carousing that night, squandering money; he was shown to have had fifteen hundred roubles&#8212;where did he get the money? But the very fact that only fifteen hundred could be found, and the other half of the sum could nowhere be discovered, shows that that money was not the same, and had never been in any envelope. By strict calculation of time it was proved at the preliminary inquiry that the prisoner ran straight from those women servants to Perhotin's without going home, and that he had been nowhere. So he had been all the time in company and therefore could not have divided the three thousand in half and hidden half in the town. It's just this consideration that has led the prosecutor to assume that the money is hidden in some crevice at Mokroe. Why not in the dungeons of the castle of Udolpho, gentlemen? Isn't this supposition really too fantastic and too romantic? And observe, if that supposition breaks down, the whole charge of robbery is scattered to the winds, for in that case what could have become of the other fifteen hundred roubles? By what miracle could they have disappeared, since it's proved the prisoner went nowhere else? And we are ready to ruin a man's life with such tales!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall be told that he could not explain where he got the fifteen hundred that he had, and every one knew that he was without money before that night. Who knew it, pray? The prisoner has made a clear and unflinching statement of the source of that money, and if you will have it so, gentlemen of the jury, nothing can be more probable than that statement, and more consistent with the temper and spirit of the prisoner. The prosecutor is charmed with his own romance. A man of weak will, who had brought himself to take the three thousand so insultingly offered by his betrothed, could not, we are told, have set aside half and sewn it up, but would, even if he had done so, have unpicked it every two days and taken out a hundred, and so would have spent it all in a month. All this, you will remember, was put forward in a tone that brooked no contradiction. But what if the thing happened quite differently? What if you've been weaving a romance, and about quite a different kind of man? That's just it, you have invented quite a different man!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall be told, perhaps, there are witnesses that he spent on one day all that three thousand given him by his betrothed a month before the catastrophe, so he could not have divided the sum in half. But who are these witnesses? The value of their evidence has been shown in court already. Besides, in another man's hand a crust always seems larger, and no one of these witnesses counted that money; they all judged simply at sight. And the witness Maximov has testified that the prisoner had twenty thousand in his hand. You see, gentlemen of the jury, psychology is a two-edged weapon. Let me turn the other edge now and see what comes of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A month before the catastrophe the prisoner was entrusted by Katerina Ivanovna with three thousand roubles to send off by post. But the question is: is it true that they were entrusted to him in such an insulting and degrading way as was proclaimed just now? The first statement made by the young lady on the subject was different, perfectly different. In the second statement we heard only cries of resentment and revenge, cries of long-concealed hatred. And the very fact that the witness gave her first evidence incorrectly, gives us a right to conclude that her second piece of evidence may have been incorrect also. The prosecutor will not, dare not (his own words) touch on that story. So be it. I will not touch on it either, but will only venture to observe that if a lofty and high-principled person, such as that highly respected young lady unquestionably is, if such a person, I say, allows herself suddenly in court to contradict her first statement, with the obvious motive of ruining the prisoner, it is clear that this evidence has been given not impartially, not coolly. Have not we the right to assume that a revengeful woman might have exaggerated much? Yes, she may well have exaggerated, in particular, the insult and humiliation of her offering him the money. No, it was offered in such a way that it was possible to take it, especially for a man so easy-going as the prisoner, above all, as he expected to receive shortly from his father the three thousand roubles that he reckoned was owing to him. It was unreflecting of him, but it was just his irresponsible want of reflection that made him so confident that his father would give him the money, that he would get it, and so could always dispatch the money entrusted to him and repay the debt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But the prosecutor refuses to allow that he could the same day have set aside half the money and sewn it up in a little bag. That's not his character, he tells us, he couldn't have had such feelings. But yet he talked himself of the broad Karamazov nature; he cried out about the two extremes which a Karamazov can contemplate at once. Karamazov is just such a two-sided nature, fluctuating between two extremes, that even when moved by the most violent craving for riotous gayety, he can pull himself up, if something strikes him on the other side. And on the other side is love&#8212;that new love which had flamed up in his heart, and for that love he needed money; oh, far more than for carousing with his mistress. If she were to say to him, &#8216;I am yours, I won't have Fyodor Pavlovitch,' then he must have money to take her away. That was more important than carousing. Could a Karamazov fail to understand it? That anxiety was just what he was suffering from&#8212;what is there improbable in his laying aside that money and concealing it in case of emergency?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But time passed, and Fyodor Pavlovitch did not give the prisoner the expected three thousand; on the contrary, the latter heard that he meant to use this sum to seduce the woman he, the prisoner, loved. &#8216;If Fyodor Pavlovitch doesn't give the money,' he thought, &#8216;I shall be put in the position of a thief before Katerina Ivanovna.' And then the idea presented itself to him that he would go to Katerina Ivanovna, lay before her the fifteen hundred roubles he still carried round his neck, and say, &#8216;I am a scoundrel, but not a thief.' So here we have already a twofold reason why he should guard that sum of money as the apple of his eye, why he shouldn't unpick the little bag, and spend it a hundred at a time. Why should you deny the prisoner a sense of honor? Yes, he has a sense of honor, granted that it's misplaced, granted it's often mistaken, yet it exists and amounts to a passion, and he has proved that.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But now the affair becomes even more complex; his jealous torments reach a climax, and those same two questions torture his fevered brain more and more: &#8216;If I repay Katerina Ivanovna, where can I find the means to go off with Grushenka?' If he behaved wildly, drank, and made disturbances in the taverns in the course of that month, it was perhaps because he was wretched and strained beyond his powers of endurance. These two questions became so acute that they drove him at last to despair. He sent his younger brother to beg for the last time for the three thousand roubles, but without waiting for a reply, burst in himself and ended by beating the old man in the presence of witnesses. After that he had no prospect of getting it from any one; his father would not give it him after that beating.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The same evening he struck himself on the breast, just on the upper part of the breast where the little bag was, and swore to his brother that he had the means of not being a scoundrel, but that still he would remain a scoundrel, for he foresaw that he would not use that means, that he wouldn't have the character, that he wouldn't have the will-power to do it. Why, why does the prosecutor refuse to believe the evidence of Alexey Karamazov, given so genuinely and sincerely, so spontaneously and convincingly? And why, on the contrary, does he force me to believe in money hidden in a crevice, in the dungeons of the castle of Udolpho?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The same evening, after his talk with his brother, the prisoner wrote that fatal letter, and that letter is the chief, the most stupendous proof of the prisoner having committed robbery! &#8216;I shall beg from every one, and if I don't get it I shall murder my father and shall take the envelope with the pink ribbon on it from under his mattress as soon as Ivan has gone.' A full program of the murder, we are told, so it must have been he. &#8216;It has all been done as he wrote,' cries the prosecutor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But in the first place, it's the letter of a drunken man and written in great irritation; secondly, he writes of the envelope from what he has heard from Smerdyakov again, for he has not seen the envelope himself; and thirdly, he wrote it indeed, but how can you prove that he did it? Did the prisoner take the envelope from under the pillow, did he find the money, did that money exist indeed? And was it to get money that the prisoner ran off, if you remember? He ran off post-haste not to steal, but to find out where she was, the woman who had crushed him. He was not running to carry out a program, to carry out what he had written, that is, not for an act of premeditated robbery, but he ran suddenly, spontaneously, in a jealous fury. Yes! I shall be told, but when he got there and murdered him he seized the money, too. But did he murder him after all? The charge of robbery I repudiate with indignation. A man cannot be accused of robbery, if it's impossible to state accurately what he has stolen; that's an axiom. But did he murder him without robbery, did he murder him at all? Is that proved? Isn't that, too, a romance?&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER XII. AND THERE WAS NO MURDER EITHER&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Allow me, gentlemen of the jury, to remind you that a man's life is at stake and that you must be careful. We have heard the prosecutor himself admit that until to-day he hesitated to accuse the prisoner of a full and conscious premeditation of the crime; he hesitated till he saw that fatal drunken letter which was produced in court to-day. &#8216;All was done as written.' But, I repeat again, he was running to her, to seek her, solely to find out where she was. That's a fact that can't be disputed. Had she been at home, he would not have run away, but would have remained at her side, and so would not have done what he promised in the letter. He ran unexpectedly and accidentally, and by that time very likely he did not even remember his drunken letter. &#8216;He snatched up the pestle,' they say, and you will remember how a whole edifice of psychology was built on that pestle&#8212;why he was bound to look at that pestle as a weapon, to snatch it up, and so on, and so on. A very commonplace idea occurs to me at this point: What if that pestle had not been in sight, had not been lying on the shelf from which it was snatched by the prisoner, but had been put away in a cupboard? It would not have caught the prisoner's eye, and he would have run away without a weapon, with empty hands, and then he would certainly not have killed any one. How then can I look upon the pestle as a proof of premeditation?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but he talked in the taverns of murdering his father, and two days before, on the evening when he wrote his drunken letter, he was quiet and only quarreled with a shopman in the tavern, because a Karamazov could not help quarreling, forsooth! But my answer to that is, that, if he was planning such a murder in accordance with his letter, he certainly would not have quarreled even with a shopman, and probably would not have gone into the tavern at all, because a person plotting such a crime seeks quiet and retirement, seeks to efface himself, to avoid being seen and heard, and that not from calculation, but from instinct. Gentlemen of the jury, the psychological method is a two-edged weapon, and we, too, can use it. As for all this shouting in taverns throughout the month, don't we often hear children, or drunkards coming out of taverns shout, &#8216;I'll kill you'? but they don't murder any one. And that fatal letter&#8212;isn't that simply drunken irritability, too? Isn't that simply the shout of the brawler outside the tavern, &#8216;I'll kill you! I'll kill the lot of you!' Why not, why could it not be that? What reason have we to call that letter &#8216;fatal' rather than absurd? Because his father has been found murdered, because a witness saw the prisoner running out of the garden with a weapon in his hand, and was knocked down by him: therefore, we are told, everything was done as he had planned in writing, and the letter was not &#8216;absurd,' but &#8216;fatal.'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, thank God! we've come to the real point: &#8216;since he was in the garden, he must have murdered him.' In those few words: &#8216;since he &lt;i&gt;was&lt;/i&gt;, then he &lt;i&gt;must&lt;/i&gt;' lies the whole case for the prosecution. He was there, so he must have. And what if there is no &lt;i&gt;must&lt;/i&gt; about it, even if he was there? Oh, I admit that the chain of evidence&#8212;the coincidences&#8212;are really suggestive. But examine all these facts separately, regardless of their connection. Why, for instance, does the prosecution refuse to admit the truth of the prisoner's statement that he ran away from his father's window? Remember the sarcasms in which the prosecutor indulged at the expense of the respectful and &#8216;pious' sentiments which suddenly came over the murderer. But what if there were something of the sort, a feeling of religious awe, if not of filial respect? &#8216;My mother must have been praying for me at that moment,' were the prisoner's words at the preliminary inquiry, and so he ran away as soon as he convinced himself that Madame Svyetlov was not in his father's house. &#8216;But he could not convince himself by looking through the window,' the prosecutor objects. But why couldn't he? Why? The window opened at the signals given by the prisoner. Some word might have been uttered by Fyodor Pavlovitch, some exclamation which showed the prisoner that she was not there. Why should we assume everything as we imagine it, as we make up our minds to imagine it? A thousand things may happen in reality which elude the subtlest imagination.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;Yes, but Grigory saw the door open and so the prisoner certainly was in the house, therefore he killed him.' Now about that door, gentlemen of the jury.... Observe that we have only the statement of one witness as to that door, and he was at the time in such a condition, that&#8212; But supposing the door was open; supposing the prisoner has lied in denying it, from an instinct of self-defense, natural in his position; supposing he did go into the house&#8212;well, what then? How does it follow that because he was there he committed the murder? He might have dashed in, run through the rooms; might have pushed his father away; might have struck him; but as soon as he had made sure Madame Svyetlov was not there, he may have run away rejoicing that she was not there and that he had not killed his father. And it was perhaps just because he had escaped from the temptation to kill his father, because he had a clear conscience and was rejoicing at not having killed him, that he was capable of a pure feeling, the feeling of pity and compassion, and leapt off the fence a minute later to the assistance of Grigory after he had, in his excitement, knocked him down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;With terrible eloquence the prosecutor has described to us the dreadful state of the prisoner's mind at Mokroe when love again lay before him calling him to new life, while love was impossible for him because he had his father's bloodstained corpse behind him and beyond that corpse&#8212;retribution. And yet the prosecutor allowed him love, which he explained, according to his method, talking about his drunken condition, about a criminal being taken to execution, about it being still far off, and so on and so on. But again I ask, Mr. Prosecutor, have you not invented a new personality? Is the prisoner so coarse and heartless as to be able to think at that moment of love and of dodges to escape punishment, if his hands were really stained with his father's blood? No, no, no! As soon as it was made plain to him that she loved him and called him to her side, promising him new happiness, oh! then, I protest he must have felt the impulse to suicide doubled, trebled, and must have killed himself, if he had his father's murder on his conscience. Oh, no! he would not have forgotten where his pistols lay! I know the prisoner: the savage, stony heartlessness ascribed to him by the prosecutor is inconsistent with his character. He would have killed himself, that's certain. He did not kill himself just because &#8216;his mother's prayers had saved him,' and he was innocent of his father's blood. He was troubled, he was grieving that night at Mokroe only about old Grigory and praying to God that the old man would recover, that his blow had not been fatal, and that he would not have to suffer for it. Why not accept such an interpretation of the facts? What trustworthy proof have we that the prisoner is lying?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But we shall be told at once again, &#8216;There is his father's corpse! If he ran away without murdering him, who did murder him?' Here, I repeat, you have the whole logic of the prosecution. Who murdered him, if not he? There's no one to put in his place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen of the jury, is that really so? Is it positively, actually true that there is no one else at all? We've heard the prosecutor count on his fingers all the persons who were in that house that night. They were five in number; three of them, I agree, could not have been responsible&#8212;the murdered man himself, old Grigory, and his wife. There are left then the prisoner and Smerdyakov, and the prosecutor dramatically exclaims that the prisoner pointed to Smerdyakov because he had no one else to fix on, that had there been a sixth person, even a phantom of a sixth person, he would have abandoned the charge against Smerdyakov at once in shame and have accused that other. But, gentlemen of the jury, why may I not draw the very opposite conclusion? There are two persons&#8212;the prisoner and Smerdyakov. Why can I not say that you accuse my client, simply because you have no one else to accuse? And you have no one else only because you have determined to exclude Smerdyakov from all suspicion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's true, indeed, Smerdyakov is accused only by the prisoner, his two brothers, and Madame Svyetlov. But there are others who accuse him: there are vague rumors of a question, of a suspicion, an obscure report, a feeling of expectation. Finally, we have the evidence of a combination of facts very suggestive, though, I admit, inconclusive. In the first place we have precisely on the day of the catastrophe that fit, for the genuineness of which the prosecutor, for some reason, has felt obliged to make a careful defense. Then Smerdyakov's sudden suicide on the eve of the trial. Then the equally startling evidence given in court to-day by the elder of the prisoner's brothers, who had believed in his guilt, but has to-day produced a bundle of notes and proclaimed Smerdyakov as the murderer. Oh, I fully share the court's and the prosecutor's conviction that Ivan Karamazov is suffering from brain fever, that his statement may really be a desperate effort, planned in delirium, to save his brother by throwing the guilt on the dead man. But again Smerdyakov's name is pronounced, again there is a suggestion of mystery. There is something unexplained, incomplete. And perhaps it may one day be explained. But we won't go into that now. Of that later.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The court has resolved to go on with the trial, but, meantime, I might make a few remarks about the character-sketch of Smerdyakov drawn with subtlety and talent by the prosecutor. But while I admire his talent I cannot agree with him. I have visited Smerdyakov, I have seen him and talked to him, and he made a very different impression on me. He was weak in health, it is true; but in character, in spirit, he was by no means the weak man the prosecutor has made him out to be. I found in him no trace of the timidity on which the prosecutor so insisted. There was no simplicity about him, either. I found in him, on the contrary, an extreme mistrustfulness concealed under a mask of &lt;i&gt;na&#239;vet&#233;&lt;/i&gt;, and an intelligence of considerable range. The prosecutor was too simple in taking him for weak-minded. He made a very definite impression on me: I left him with the conviction that he was a distinctly spiteful creature, excessively ambitious, vindictive, and intensely envious. I made some inquiries: he resented his parentage, was ashamed of it, and would clench his teeth when he remembered that he was the son of &#8216;stinking Lizaveta.' He was disrespectful to the servant Grigory and his wife, who had cared for him in his childhood. He cursed and jeered at Russia. He dreamed of going to France and becoming a Frenchman. He used often to say that he hadn't the means to do so. I fancy he loved no one but himself and had a strangely high opinion of himself. His conception of culture was limited to good clothes, clean shirt-fronts and polished boots. Believing himself to be the illegitimate son of Fyodor Pavlovitch (there is evidence of this), he might well have resented his position, compared with that of his master's legitimate sons. They had everything, he nothing. They had all the rights, they had the inheritance, while he was only the cook. He told me himself that he had helped Fyodor Pavlovitch to put the notes in the envelope. The destination of that sum&#8212;a sum which would have made his career&#8212;must have been hateful to him. Moreover, he saw three thousand roubles in new rainbow-colored notes. (I asked him about that on purpose.) Oh, beware of showing an ambitious and envious man a large sum of money at once! And it was the first time he had seen so much money in the hands of one man. The sight of the rainbow-colored notes may have made a morbid impression on his imagination, but with no immediate results.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The talented prosecutor, with extraordinary subtlety, sketched for us all the arguments for and against the hypothesis of Smerdyakov's guilt, and asked us in particular what motive he had in feigning a fit. But he may not have been feigning at all, the fit may have happened quite naturally, but it may have passed off quite naturally, and the sick man may have recovered, not completely perhaps, but still regaining consciousness, as happens with epileptics.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The prosecutor asks at what moment could Smerdyakov have committed the murder. But it is very easy to point out that moment. He might have waked up from deep sleep (for he was only asleep&#8212;an epileptic fit is always followed by a deep sleep) at that moment when the old Grigory shouted at the top of his voice &#8216;Parricide!' That shout in the dark and stillness may have waked Smerdyakov whose sleep may have been less sound at the moment: he might naturally have waked up an hour before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Getting out of bed, he goes almost unconsciously and with no definite motive towards the sound to see what's the matter. His head is still clouded with his attack, his faculties are half asleep; but, once in the garden, he walks to the lighted windows and he hears terrible news from his master, who would be, of course, glad to see him. His mind sets to work at once. He hears all the details from his frightened master, and gradually in his disordered brain there shapes itself an idea&#8212;terrible, but seductive and irresistibly logical. To kill the old man, take the three thousand, and throw all the blame on to his young master. A terrible lust of money, of booty, might seize upon him as he realized his security from detection. Oh! these sudden and irresistible impulses come so often when there is a favorable opportunity, and especially with murderers who have had no idea of committing a murder beforehand. And Smerdyakov may have gone in and carried out his plan. With what weapon? Why, with any stone picked up in the garden. But what for, with what object? Why, the three thousand which means a career for him. Oh, I am not contradicting myself&#8212;the money may have existed. And perhaps Smerdyakov alone knew where to find it, where his master kept it. And the covering of the money&#8212;the torn envelope on the floor?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just now, when the prosecutor was explaining his subtle theory that only an inexperienced thief like Karamazov would have left the envelope on the floor, and not one like Smerdyakov, who would have avoided leaving a piece of evidence against himself, I thought as I listened that I was hearing something very familiar, and, would you believe it, I have heard that very argument, that very conjecture, of how Karamazov would have behaved, precisely two days before, from Smerdyakov himself. What's more, it struck me at the time. I fancied that there was an artificial simplicity about him; that he was in a hurry to suggest this idea to me that I might fancy it was my own. He insinuated it, as it were. Did he not insinuate the same idea at the inquiry and suggest it to the talented prosecutor?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall be asked, &#8216;What about the old woman, Grigory's wife? She heard the sick man moaning close by, all night.' Yes, she heard it, but that evidence is extremely unreliable. I knew a lady who complained bitterly that she had been kept awake all night by a dog in the yard. Yet the poor beast, it appeared, had only yelped once or twice in the night. And that's natural. If anyone is asleep and hears a groan he wakes up, annoyed at being waked, but instantly falls asleep again. Two hours later, again a groan, he wakes up and falls asleep again; and the same thing again two hours later&#8212;three times altogether in the night. Next morning the sleeper wakes up and complains that some one has been groaning all night and keeping him awake. And it is bound to seem so to him: the intervals of two hours of sleep he does not remember, he only remembers the moments of waking, so he feels he has been waked up all night.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why, why, asks the prosecutor, did not Smerdyakov confess in his last letter? Why did his conscience prompt him to one step and not to both? But, excuse me, conscience implies penitence, and the suicide may not have felt penitence, but only despair. Despair and penitence are two very different things. Despair may be vindictive and irreconcilable, and the suicide, laying his hands on himself, may well have felt redoubled hatred for those whom he had envied all his life.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen of the jury, beware of a miscarriage of justice! What is there unlikely in all I have put before you just now? Find the error in my reasoning; find the impossibility, the absurdity. And if there is but a shade of possibility, but a shade of probability in my propositions, do not condemn him. And is there only a shade? I swear by all that is sacred, I fully believe in the explanation of the murder I have just put forward. What troubles me and makes me indignant is that of all the mass of facts heaped up by the prosecution against the prisoner, there is not a single one certain and irrefutable. And yet the unhappy man is to be ruined by the accumulation of these facts. Yes, the accumulated effect is awful: the blood, the blood dripping from his fingers, the bloodstained shirt, the dark night resounding with the shout &#8216;Parricide!' and the old man falling with a broken head. And then the mass of phrases, statements, gestures, shouts! Oh! this has so much influence, it can so bias the mind; but, gentlemen of the jury, can it bias your minds? Remember, you have been given absolute power to bind and to loose, but the greater the power, the more terrible its responsibility.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I do not draw back one iota from what I have said just now, but suppose for one moment I agreed with the prosecution that my luckless client had stained his hands with his father's blood. This is only hypothesis, I repeat; I never for one instant doubt of his innocence. But, so be it, I assume that my client is guilty of parricide. Even so, hear what I have to say. I have it in my heart to say something more to you, for I feel that there must be a great conflict in your hearts and minds.... Forgive my referring to your hearts and minds, gentlemen of the jury, but I want to be truthful and sincere to the end. Let us all be sincere!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At this point the speech was interrupted by rather loud applause. The last words, indeed, were pronounced with a note of such sincerity that every one felt that he really might have something to say, and that what he was about to say would be of the greatest consequence. But the President, hearing the applause, in a loud voice threatened to clear the court if such an incident were repeated. Every sound was hushed and Fetyukovitch began in a voice full of feeling quite unlike the tone he had used hitherto.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER XIII. A CORRUPTER OF THOUGHT&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;It's not only the accumulation of facts that threatens my client with ruin, gentlemen of the jury,&#8221; he began, &#8220;what is really damning for my client is one fact&#8212;the dead body of his father. Had it been an ordinary case of murder you would have rejected the charge in view of the triviality, the incompleteness, and the fantastic character of the evidence, if you examine each part of it separately; or, at least, you would have hesitated to ruin a man's life simply from the prejudice against him which he has, alas! only too well deserved. But it's not an ordinary case of murder, it's a case of parricide. That impresses men's minds, and to such a degree that the very triviality and incompleteness of the evidence becomes less trivial and less incomplete even to an unprejudiced mind. How can such a prisoner be acquitted? What if he committed the murder and gets off unpunished? That is what every one, almost involuntarily, instinctively, feels at heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it's a fearful thing to shed a father's blood&#8212;the father who has begotten me, loved me, not spared his life for me, grieved over my illnesses from childhood up, troubled all his life for my happiness, and has lived in my joys, in my successes. To murder such a father&#8212;that's inconceivable. Gentlemen of the jury, what is a father&#8212;a real father? What is the meaning of that great word? What is the great idea in that name? We have just indicated in part what a true father is and what he ought to be. In the case in which we are now so deeply occupied and over which our hearts are aching&#8212;in the present case, the father, Fyodor Pavlovitch Karamazov, did not correspond to that conception of a father to which we have just referred. That's the misfortune. And indeed some fathers are a misfortune. Let us examine this misfortune rather more closely: we must shrink from nothing, gentlemen of the jury, considering the importance of the decision you have to make. It's our particular duty not to shrink from any idea, like children or frightened women, as the talented prosecutor happily expresses it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But in the course of his heated speech my esteemed opponent (and he was my opponent before I opened my lips) exclaimed several times, &#8216;Oh, I will not yield the defense of the prisoner to the lawyer who has come down from Petersburg. I accuse, but I defend also!' He exclaimed that several times, but forgot to mention that if this terrible prisoner was for twenty-three years so grateful for a mere pound of nuts given him by the only man who had been kind to him, as a child in his father's house, might not such a man well have remembered for twenty-three years how he ran in his father's back-yard, &#8216;without boots on his feet and with his little trousers hanging by one button'&#8212;to use the expression of the kind-hearted doctor, Herzenstube?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, gentlemen of the jury, why need we look more closely at this misfortune, why repeat what we all know already? What did my client meet with when he arrived here, at his father's house, and why depict my client as a heartless egoist and monster? He is uncontrolled, he is wild and unruly&#8212;we are trying him now for that&#8212;but who is responsible for his life? Who is responsible for his having received such an unseemly bringing up, in spite of his excellent disposition and his grateful and sensitive heart? Did anyone train him to be reasonable? Was he enlightened by study? Did anyone love him ever so little in his childhood? My client was left to the care of Providence like a beast of the field. He thirsted perhaps to see his father after long years of separation. A thousand times perhaps he may, recalling his childhood, have driven away the loathsome phantoms that haunted his childish dreams and with all his heart he may have longed to embrace and to forgive his father! And what awaited him? He was met by cynical taunts, suspicions and wrangling about money. He heard nothing but revolting talk and vicious precepts uttered daily over the brandy, and at last he saw his father seducing his mistress from him with his own money. Oh, gentlemen of the jury, that was cruel and revolting! And that old man was always complaining of the disrespect and cruelty of his son. He slandered him in society, injured him, calumniated him, bought up his unpaid debts to get him thrown into prison.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen of the jury, people like my client, who are fierce, unruly, and uncontrolled on the surface, are sometimes, most frequently indeed, exceedingly tender-hearted, only they don't express it. Don't laugh, don't laugh at my idea! The talented prosecutor laughed mercilessly just now at my client for loving Schiller&#8212;loving the sublime and beautiful! I should not have laughed at that in his place. Yes, such natures&#8212;oh, let me speak in defense of such natures, so often and so cruelly misunderstood&#8212;these natures often thirst for tenderness, goodness, and justice, as it were, in contrast to themselves, their unruliness, their ferocity&#8212;they thirst for it unconsciously. Passionate and fierce on the surface, they are painfully capable of loving woman, for instance, and with a spiritual and elevated love. Again do not laugh at me, this is very often the case in such natures. But they cannot hide their passions&#8212;sometimes very coarse&#8212;and that is conspicuous and is noticed, but the inner man is unseen. Their passions are quickly exhausted; but, by the side of a noble and lofty creature that seemingly coarse and rough man seeks a new life, seeks to correct himself, to be better, to become noble and honorable, &#8216;sublime and beautiful,' however much the expression has been ridiculed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I said just now that I would not venture to touch upon my client's engagement. But I may say half a word. What we heard just now was not evidence, but only the scream of a frenzied and revengeful woman, and it was not for her&#8212;oh, not for her!&#8212;to reproach him with treachery, for she has betrayed him! If she had had but a little time for reflection she would not have given such evidence. Oh, do not believe her! No, my client is not a monster, as she called him!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The Lover of Mankind on the eve of His Crucifixion said: &#8216;I am the Good Shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep, so that not one of them might be lost.' Let not a man's soul be lost through us!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I asked just now what does &#8216;father' mean, and exclaimed that it was a great word, a precious name. But one must use words honestly, gentlemen, and I venture to call things by their right names: such a father as old Karamazov cannot be called a father and does not deserve to be. Filial love for an unworthy father is an absurdity, an impossibility. Love cannot be created from nothing: only God can create something from nothing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220; &#8216;Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath,' the apostle writes, from a heart glowing with love. It's not for the sake of my client that I quote these sacred words, I mention them for all fathers. Who has authorized me to preach to fathers? No one. But as a man and a citizen I make my appeal&#8212;&lt;i&gt;vivos voco&lt;/i&gt;!&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb48&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;vivos voco! &#8211; I call the living!&#034; id=&#034;nh48&#034;&gt;48&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; We are not long on earth, we do many evil deeds and say many evil words. So let us all catch a favorable moment when we are all together to say a good word to each other. That's what I am doing: while I am in this place I take advantage of my opportunity. Not for nothing is this tribune given us by the highest authority&#8212;all Russia hears us! I am not speaking only for the fathers here present, I cry aloud to all fathers: &#8216;Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath.' Yes, let us first fulfill Christ's injunction ourselves and only then venture to expect it of our children. Otherwise we are not fathers, but enemies of our children, and they are not our children, but our enemies, and we have made them our enemies ourselves. &#8216;What measure ye mete it shall be measured unto you again'&#8212;it's not I who say that, it's the Gospel precept, measure to others according as they measure to you. How can we blame children if they measure us according to our measure?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not long ago a servant girl in Finland was suspected of having secretly given birth to a child. She was watched, and a box of which no one knew anything was found in the corner of the loft, behind some bricks. It was opened and inside was found the body of a new-born child which she had killed. In the same box were found the skeletons of two other babies which, according to her own confession, she had killed at the moment of their birth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen of the jury, was she a mother to her children? She gave birth to them, indeed; but was she a mother to them? Would anyone venture to give her the sacred name of mother? Let us be bold, gentlemen, let us be audacious even: it's our duty to be so at this moment and not to be afraid of certain words and ideas like the Moscow women in Ostrovsky's play, who are scared at the sound of certain words. No, let us prove that the progress of the last few years has touched even us, and let us say plainly, the father is not merely he who begets the child, but he who begets it and does his duty by it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, of course, there is the other meaning, there is the other interpretation of the word &#8216;father,' which insists that any father, even though he be a monster, even though he be the enemy of his children, still remains my father simply because he begot me. But this is, so to say, the mystical meaning which I cannot comprehend with my intellect, but can only accept by faith, or, better to say, &lt;i&gt;on faith&lt;/i&gt;, like many other things which I do not understand, but which religion bids me believe. But in that case let it be kept outside the sphere of actual life. In the sphere of actual life, which has, indeed, its own rights, but also lays upon us great duties and obligations, in that sphere, if we want to be humane&#8212;Christian, in fact&#8212;we must, or ought to, act only upon convictions justified by reason and experience, which have been passed through the crucible of analysis; in a word, we must act rationally, and not as though in dream and delirium, that we may not do harm, that we may not ill-treat and ruin a man. Then it will be real Christian work, not only mystic, but rational and philanthropic....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was violent applause at this passage from many parts of the court, but Fetyukovitch waved his hands as though imploring them to let him finish without interruption. The court relapsed into silence at once. The orator went on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you suppose, gentlemen, that our children as they grow up and begin to reason can avoid such questions? No, they cannot, and we will not impose on them an impossible restriction. The sight of an unworthy father involuntarily suggests tormenting questions to a young creature, especially when he compares him with the excellent fathers of his companions. The conventional answer to this question is: &#8216;He begot you, and you are his flesh and blood, and therefore you are bound to love him.' The youth involuntarily reflects: &#8216;But did he love me when he begot me?' he asks, wondering more and more. &#8216;Was it for my sake he begot me? He did not know me, not even my sex, at that moment, at the moment of passion perhaps, inflamed by wine, and he has only transmitted to me a propensity to drunkenness&#8212;that's all he's done for me.... Why am I bound to love him simply for begetting me when he has cared nothing for me all my life after?'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, perhaps those questions strike you as coarse and cruel, but do not expect an impossible restraint from a young mind. &#8216;Drive nature out of the door and it will fly in at the window,' and, above all, let us not be afraid of words, but decide the question according to the dictates of reason and humanity and not of mystic ideas. How shall it be decided? Why, like this. Let the son stand before his father and ask him, &#8216;Father, tell me, why must I love you? Father, show me that I must love you,' and if that father is able to answer him and show him good reason, we have a real, normal, parental relation, not resting on mystical prejudice, but on a rational, responsible and strictly humanitarian basis. But if he does not, there's an end to the family tie. He is not a father to him, and the son has a right to look upon him as a stranger, and even an enemy. Our tribune, gentlemen of the jury, ought to be a school of true and sound ideas.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
(Here the orator was interrupted by irrepressible and almost frantic applause. Of course, it was not the whole audience, but a good half of it applauded. The fathers and mothers present applauded. Shrieks and exclamations were heard from the gallery, where the ladies were sitting. Handkerchiefs were waved. The President began ringing his bell with all his might. He was obviously irritated by the behavior of the audience, but did not venture to clear the court as he had threatened. Even persons of high position, old men with stars on their breasts, sitting on specially reserved seats behind the judges, applauded the orator and waved their handkerchiefs. So that when the noise died down, the President confined himself to repeating his stern threat to clear the court, and Fetyukovitch, excited and triumphant, continued his speech.)&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Gentlemen of the jury, you remember that awful night of which so much has been said to-day, when the son got over the fence and stood face to face with the enemy and persecutor who had begotten him. I insist most emphatically it was not for money he ran to his father's house: the charge of robbery is an absurdity, as I proved before. And it was not to murder him he broke into the house, oh, no! If he had had that design he would, at least, have taken the precaution of arming himself beforehand. The brass pestle he caught up instinctively without knowing why he did it. Granted that he deceived his father by tapping at the window, granted that he made his way in&#8212;I've said already that I do not for a moment believe that legend, but let it be so, let us suppose it for a moment. Gentlemen, I swear to you by all that's holy, if it had not been his father, but an ordinary enemy, he would, after running through the rooms and satisfying himself that the woman was not there, have made off, post-haste, without doing any harm to his rival. He would have struck him, pushed him away perhaps, nothing more, for he had no thought and no time to spare for that. What he wanted to know was where she was. But his father, his father! The mere sight of the father who had hated him from his childhood, had been his enemy, his persecutor, and now his unnatural rival, was enough! A feeling of hatred came over him involuntarily, irresistibly, clouding his reason. It all surged up in one moment! It was an impulse of madness and insanity, but also an impulse of nature, irresistibly and unconsciously (like everything in nature) avenging the violation of its eternal laws.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But the prisoner even then did not murder him&#8212;I maintain that, I cry that aloud!&#8212;no, he only brandished the pestle in a burst of indignant disgust, not meaning to kill him, not knowing that he would kill him. Had he not had this fatal pestle in his hand, he would have only knocked his father down perhaps, but would not have killed him. As he ran away, he did not know whether he had killed the old man. Such a murder is not a murder. Such a murder is not a parricide. No, the murder of such a father cannot be called parricide. Such a murder can only be reckoned parricide by prejudice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I appeal to you again and again from the depths of my soul; did this murder actually take place? Gentlemen of the jury, if we convict and punish him, he will say to himself: &#8216;These people have done nothing for my bringing up, for my education, nothing to improve my lot, nothing to make me better, nothing to make me a man. These people have not given me to eat and to drink, have not visited me in prison and nakedness, and here they have sent me to penal servitude. I am quits, I owe them nothing now, and owe no one anything for ever. They are wicked and I will be wicked. They are cruel and I will be cruel.' That is what he will say, gentlemen of the jury. And I swear, by finding him guilty you will only make it easier for him: you will ease his conscience, he will curse the blood he has shed and will not regret it. At the same time you will destroy in him the possibility of becoming a new man, for he will remain in his wickedness and blindness all his life.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But do you want to punish him fearfully, terribly, with the most awful punishment that could be imagined, and at the same time to save him and regenerate his soul? If so, overwhelm him with your mercy! You will see, you will hear how he will tremble and be horror-struck. &#8216;How can I endure this mercy? How can I endure so much love? Am I worthy of it?' That's what he will exclaim.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I know, I know that heart, that wild but grateful heart, gentlemen of the jury! It will bow before your mercy; it thirsts for a great and loving action, it will melt and mount upwards. There are souls which, in their limitation, blame the whole world. But subdue such a soul with mercy, show it love, and it will curse its past, for there are many good impulses in it. Such a heart will expand and see that God is merciful and that men are good and just. He will be horror-stricken; he will be crushed by remorse and the vast obligation laid upon him henceforth. And he will not say then, &#8216;I am quits,' but will say, &#8216;I am guilty in the sight of all men and am more unworthy than all.' With tears of penitence and poignant, tender anguish, he will exclaim: &#8216;Others are better than I, they wanted to save me, not to ruin me!' Oh, this act of mercy is so easy for you, for in the absence of anything like real evidence it will be too awful for you to pronounce: &#8216;Yes, he is guilty.'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Better acquit ten guilty men than punish one innocent man! Do you hear, do you hear that majestic voice from the past century of our glorious history? It is not for an insignificant person like me to remind you that the Russian court does not exist for the punishment only, but also for the salvation of the criminal! Let other nations think of retribution and the letter of the law, we will cling to the spirit and the meaning&#8212;the salvation and the reformation of the lost. If this is true, if Russia and her justice are such, she may go forward with good cheer! Do not try to scare us with your frenzied troikas from which all the nations stand aside in disgust. Not a runaway troika, but the stately chariot of Russia will move calmly and majestically to its goal. In your hands is the fate of my client, in your hands is the fate of Russian justice. You will defend it, you will save it, you will prove that there are men to watch over it, that it is in good hands!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER XIV. THE PEASANTS STAND FIRM&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This was how Fetyukovitch concluded his speech, and the enthusiasm of the audience burst like an irresistible storm. It was out of the question to stop it: the women wept, many of the men wept too, even two important personages shed tears. The President submitted, and even postponed ringing his bell. The suppression of such an enthusiasm would be the suppression of something sacred, as the ladies cried afterwards. The orator himself was genuinely touched.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And it was at this moment that Ippolit Kirillovitch got up to make certain objections. People looked at him with hatred. &#8220;What? What's the meaning of it? He positively dares to make objections,&#8221; the ladies babbled. But if the whole world of ladies, including his wife, had protested he could not have been stopped at that moment. He was pale, he was shaking with emotion, his first phrases were even unintelligible, he gasped for breath, could hardly speak clearly, lost the thread. But he soon recovered himself. Of this new speech of his I will quote only a few sentences.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;... I am reproached with having woven a romance. But what is this defense if not one romance on the top of another? All that was lacking was poetry. Fyodor Pavlovitch, while waiting for his mistress, tears open the envelope and throws it on the floor. We are even told what he said while engaged in this strange act. Is not this a flight of fancy? And what proof have we that he had taken out the money? Who heard what he said? The weak-minded idiot, Smerdyakov, transformed into a Byronic hero, avenging society for his illegitimate birth&#8212;isn't this a romance in the Byronic style? And the son who breaks into his father's house and murders him without murdering him is not even a romance&#8212;this is a sphinx setting us a riddle which he cannot solve himself. If he murdered him, he murdered him, and what's the meaning of his murdering him without having murdered him&#8212;who can make head or tail of this?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then we are admonished that our tribune is a tribune of true and sound ideas and from this tribune of &#8216;sound ideas' is heard a solemn declaration that to call the murder of a father &#8216;parricide' is nothing but a prejudice! But if parricide is a prejudice, and if every child is to ask his father why he is to love him, what will become of us? What will become of the foundations of society? What will become of the family? Parricide, it appears, is only a bogy of Moscow merchants' wives. The most precious, the most sacred guarantees for the destiny and future of Russian justice are presented to us in a perverted and frivolous form, simply to attain an object&#8212;to obtain the justification of something which cannot be justified. &#8216;Oh, crush him by mercy,' cries the counsel for the defense; but that's all the criminal wants, and to-morrow it will be seen how much he is crushed. And is not the counsel for the defense too modest in asking only for the acquittal of the prisoner? Why not found a charity in the honor of the parricide to commemorate his exploit among future generations? Religion and the Gospel are corrected&#8212;that's all mysticism, we are told, and ours is the only true Christianity which has been subjected to the analysis of reason and common sense. And so they set up before us a false semblance of Christ! &#8216;What measure ye mete so it shall be meted unto you again,' cried the counsel for the defense, and instantly deduces that Christ teaches us to measure as it is measured to us&#8212;and this from the tribune of truth and sound sense! We peep into the Gospel only on the eve of making speeches, in order to dazzle the audience by our acquaintance with what is, anyway, a rather original composition, which may be of use to produce a certain effect&#8212;all to serve the purpose! But what Christ commands us is something very different: He bids us beware of doing this, because the wicked world does this, but we ought to forgive and to turn the other cheek, and not to measure to our persecutors as they measure to us. This is what our God has taught us and not that to forbid children to murder their fathers is a prejudice. And we will not from the tribune of truth and good sense correct the Gospel of our Lord, Whom the counsel for the defense deigns to call only &#8216;the crucified lover of humanity,' in opposition to all orthodox Russia, which calls to Him, &#8216;For Thou art our God!' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At this the President intervened and checked the over-zealous speaker, begging him not to exaggerate, not to overstep the bounds, and so on, as presidents always do in such cases. The audience, too, was uneasy. The public was restless: there were even exclamations of indignation. Fetyukovitch did not so much as reply; he only mounted the tribune to lay his hand on his heart and, with an offended voice, utter a few words full of dignity. He only touched again, lightly and ironically, on &#8220;romancing&#8221; and &#8220;psychology,&#8221; and in an appropriate place quoted, &#8220;Jupiter, you are angry, therefore you are wrong,&#8221; which provoked a burst of approving laughter in the audience, for Ippolit Kirillovitch was by no means like Jupiter. Then, &lt;i&gt;&#224; propos&lt;/i&gt; of the accusation that he was teaching the young generation to murder their fathers, Fetyukovitch observed, with great dignity, that he would not even answer. As for the prosecutor's charge of uttering unorthodox opinions, Fetyukovitch hinted that it was a personal insinuation and that he had expected in this court to be secure from accusations &#8220;damaging to my reputation as a citizen and a loyal subject.&#8221; But at these words the President pulled him up, too, and Fetyukovitch concluded his speech with a bow, amid a hum of approbation in the court. And Ippolit Kirillovitch was, in the opinion of our ladies, &#8220;crushed for good.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then the prisoner was allowed to speak. Mitya stood up, but said very little. He was fearfully exhausted, physically and mentally. The look of strength and independence with which he had entered in the morning had almost disappeared. He seemed as though he had passed through an experience that day, which had taught him for the rest of his life something very important he had not understood till then. His voice was weak, he did not shout as before. In his words there was a new note of humility, defeat and submission.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What am I to say, gentlemen of the jury? The hour of judgment has come for me, I feel the hand of God upon me! The end has come to an erring man! But, before God, I repeat to you, I am innocent of my father's blood! For the last time I repeat, it wasn't I killed him! I was erring, but I loved what is good. Every instant I strove to reform, but I lived like a wild beast. I thank the prosecutor, he told me many things about myself that I did not know; but it's not true that I killed my father, the prosecutor is mistaken. I thank my counsel, too. I cried listening to him; but it's not true that I killed my father, and he needn't have supposed it. And don't believe the doctors. I am perfectly sane, only my heart is heavy. If you spare me, if you let me go, I will pray for you. I will be a better man. I give you my word before God I will! And if you will condemn me, I'll break my sword over my head myself and kiss the pieces. But spare me, do not rob me of my God! I know myself, I shall rebel! My heart is heavy, gentlemen ... spare me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He almost fell back in his place: his voice broke: he could hardly articulate the last phrase. Then the judges proceeded to put the questions and began to ask both sides to formulate their conclusions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But I will not describe the details. At last the jury rose to retire for consultation. The President was very tired, and so his last charge to the jury was rather feeble. &#8220;Be impartial, don't be influenced by the eloquence of the defense, but yet weigh the arguments. Remember that there is a great responsibility laid upon you,&#8221; and so on and so on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The jury withdrew and the court adjourned. People could get up, move about, exchange their accumulated impressions, refresh themselves at the buffet. It was very late, almost one o'clock in the night, but nobody went away: the strain was so great that no one could think of repose. All waited with sinking hearts; though that is, perhaps, too much to say, for the ladies were only in a state of hysterical impatience and their hearts were untroubled. An acquittal, they thought, was inevitable. They all prepared themselves for a dramatic moment of general enthusiasm. I must own there were many among the men, too, who were convinced that an acquittal was inevitable. Some were pleased, others frowned, while some were simply dejected, not wanting him to be acquitted. Fetyukovitch himself was confident of his success. He was surrounded by people congratulating him and fawning upon him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There are,&#8221; he said to one group, as I was told afterwards, &#8220;there are invisible threads binding the counsel for the defense with the jury. One feels during one's speech if they are being formed. I was aware of them. They exist. Our cause is won. Set your mind at rest.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What will our peasants say now?&#8221; said one stout, cross-looking, pock-marked gentleman, a landowner of the neighborhood, approaching a group of gentlemen engaged in conversation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But they are not all peasants. There are four government clerks among them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, there are clerks,&#8221; said a member of the district council, joining the group.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And do you know that Nazaryev, the merchant with the medal, a juryman?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What of him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is a man with brains.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But he never speaks.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He is no great talker, but so much the better. There's no need for the Petersburg man to teach him: he could teach all Petersburg himself. He's the father of twelve children. Think of that!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Upon my word, you don't suppose they won't acquit him?&#8221; one of our young officials exclaimed in another group.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They'll acquit him for certain,&#8221; said a resolute voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It would be shameful, disgraceful, not to acquit him!&#8221; cried the official. &#8220;Suppose he did murder him&#8212;there are fathers and fathers! And, besides, he was in such a frenzy.... He really may have done nothing but swing the pestle in the air, and so knocked the old man down. But it was a pity they dragged the valet in. That was simply an absurd theory! If I'd been in Fetyukovitch's place, I should simply have said straight out: &#8216;He murdered him; but he is not guilty, hang it all!' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's what he did, only without saying, &#8216;Hang it all!' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Mihail Semyonovitch, he almost said that, too,&#8221; put in a third voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, gentlemen, in Lent an actress was acquitted in our town who had cut the throat of her lover's lawful wife.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, but she did not finish cutting it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That makes no difference. She began cutting it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What did you think of what he said about children? Splendid, wasn't it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Splendid!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And about mysticism, too!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, drop mysticism, do!&#8221; cried some one else; &#8220;think of Ippolit and his fate from this day forth. His wife will scratch his eyes out to-morrow for Mitya's sake.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is she here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What an idea! If she'd been here she'd have scratched them out in court. She is at home with toothache. He he he!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He he he!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In a third group:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I dare say they will acquit Mitenka, after all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should not be surprised if he turns the &#8216;Metropolis' upside down to-morrow. He will be drinking for ten days!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, the devil!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The devil's bound to have a hand in it. Where should he be if not here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, gentlemen, I admit it was eloquent. But still it's not the thing to break your father's head with a pestle! Or what are we coming to?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The chariot! Do you remember the chariot?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; he turned a cart into a chariot!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And to-morrow he will turn a chariot into a cart, just to suit his purpose.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What cunning chaps there are nowadays! Is there any justice to be had in Russia?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the bell rang. The jury deliberated for exactly an hour, neither more nor less. A profound silence reigned in the court as soon as the public had taken their seats. I remember how the jurymen walked into the court. At last! I won't repeat the questions in order, and, indeed, I have forgotten them. I remember only the answer to the President's first and chief question: &#8220;Did the prisoner commit the murder for the sake of robbery and with premeditation?&#8221; (I don't remember the exact words.) There was a complete hush. The foreman of the jury, the youngest of the clerks, pronounced, in a clear, loud voice, amidst the deathlike stillness of the court:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, guilty!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the same answer was repeated to every question: &#8220;Yes, guilty!&#8221; and without the slightest extenuating comment. This no one had expected; almost every one had reckoned upon a recommendation to mercy, at least. The deathlike silence in the court was not broken&#8212;all seemed petrified: those who desired his conviction as well as those who had been eager for his acquittal. But that was only for the first instant, and it was followed by a fearful hubbub. Many of the men in the audience were pleased. Some were rubbing their hands with no attempt to conceal their joy. Those who disagreed with the verdict seemed crushed, shrugged their shoulders, whispered, but still seemed unable to realize this. But how shall I describe the state the ladies were in? I thought they would create a riot. At first they could scarcely believe their ears. Then suddenly the whole court rang with exclamations: &#8220;What's the meaning of it? What next?&#8221; They leapt up from their places. They seemed to fancy that it might be at once reconsidered and reversed. At that instant Mitya suddenly stood up and cried in a heartrending voice, stretching his hands out before him:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I swear by God and the dreadful Day of Judgment I am not guilty of my father's blood! Katya, I forgive you! Brothers, friends, have pity on the other woman!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He could not go on, and broke into a terrible sobbing wail that was heard all over the court in a strange, unnatural voice unlike his own. From the farthest corner at the back of the gallery came a piercing shriek&#8212;it was Grushenka. She had succeeded in begging admittance to the court again before the beginning of the lawyers' speeches. Mitya was taken away. The passing of the sentence was deferred till next day. The whole court was in a hubbub but I did not wait to hear. I only remember a few exclamations I heard on the steps as I went out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He'll have a twenty years' trip to the mines!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not less.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, our peasants have stood firm.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And have done for our Mitya.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;EPILOGUE&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;EPILOGUE&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER I. PLANS FOR MITYA'S ESCAPE&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Very early, at nine o'clock in the morning, five days after the trial, Alyosha went to Katerina Ivanovna's to talk over a matter of great importance to both of them, and to give her a message. She sat and talked to him in the very room in which she had once received Grushenka. In the next room Ivan Fyodorovitch lay unconscious in a high fever. Katerina Ivanovna had immediately after the scene at the trial ordered the sick and unconscious man to be carried to her house, disregarding the inevitable gossip and general disapproval of the public. One of the two relations who lived with her had departed to Moscow immediately after the scene in court, the other remained. But if both had gone away, Katerina Ivanovna would have adhered to her resolution, and would have gone on nursing the sick man and sitting by him day and night. Varvinsky and Herzenstube were attending him. The famous doctor had gone back to Moscow, refusing to give an opinion as to the probable end of the illness. Though the doctors encouraged Katerina Ivanovna and Alyosha, it was evident that they could not yet give them positive hopes of recovery.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha came to see his sick brother twice a day. But this time he had specially urgent business, and he foresaw how difficult it would be to approach the subject, yet he was in great haste. He had another engagement that could not be put off for that same morning, and there was need of haste.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They had been talking for a quarter of an hour. Katerina Ivanovna was pale and terribly fatigued, yet at the same time in a state of hysterical excitement. She had a presentiment of the reason why Alyosha had come to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't worry about his decision,&#8221; she said, with confident emphasis to Alyosha. &#8220;One way or another he is bound to come to it. He must escape. That unhappy man, that hero of honor and principle&#8212;not he, not Dmitri Fyodorovitch, but the man lying the other side of that door, who has sacrificed himself for his brother,&#8221; Katya added, with flashing eyes&#8212;&#8220;told me the whole plan of escape long ago. You know he has already entered into negotiations.... I've told you something already.... You see, it will probably come off at the third &lt;i&gt;&#233;tape&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb49&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;&#233;tape &#8211; stopover&#034; id=&#034;nh49&#034;&gt;49&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; from here, when the party of prisoners is being taken to Siberia. Oh, it's a long way off yet. Ivan Fyodorovitch has already visited the superintendent of the third &lt;i&gt;&#233;tape&lt;/i&gt;. But we don't know yet who will be in charge of the party, and it's impossible to find that out so long beforehand. To-morrow perhaps I will show you in detail the whole plan which Ivan Fyodorovitch left me on the eve of the trial in case of need.... That was when&#8212;do you remember?&#8212;you found us quarreling. He had just gone down-stairs, but seeing you I made him come back; do you remember? Do you know what we were quarreling about then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I don't,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course he did not tell you. It was about that plan of escape. He had told me the main idea three days before, and we began quarreling about it at once and quarreled for three days. We quarreled because, when he told me that if Dmitri Fyodorovitch were convicted he would escape abroad with that creature, I felt furious at once&#8212;I can't tell you why, I don't know myself why.... Oh, of course, I was furious then about that creature, and that she, too, should go abroad with Dmitri!&#8221; Katerina Ivanovna exclaimed suddenly, her lips quivering with anger. &#8220;As soon as Ivan Fyodorovitch saw that I was furious about that woman, he instantly imagined I was jealous of Dmitri and that I still loved Dmitri. That is how our first quarrel began. I would not give an explanation, I could not ask forgiveness. I could not bear to think that such a man could suspect me of still loving that ... and when I myself had told him long before that I did not love Dmitri, that I loved no one but him! It was only resentment against that creature that made me angry with him. Three days later, on the evening you came, he brought me a sealed envelope, which I was to open at once, if anything happened to him. Oh, he foresaw his illness! He told me that the envelope contained the details of the escape, and that if he died or was taken dangerously ill, I was to save Mitya alone. Then he left me money, nearly ten thousand&#8212;those notes to which the prosecutor referred in his speech, having learnt from some one that he had sent them to be changed. I was tremendously impressed to find that Ivan Fyodorovitch had not given up his idea of saving his brother, and was confiding this plan of escape to me, though he was still jealous of me and still convinced that I loved Mitya. Oh, that was a sacrifice! No, you cannot understand the greatness of such self-sacrifice, Alexey Fyodorovitch. I wanted to fall at his feet in reverence, but I thought at once that he would take it only for my joy at the thought of Mitya's being saved (and he certainly would have imagined that!), and I was so exasperated at the mere possibility of such an unjust thought on his part that I lost my temper again, and instead of kissing his feet, flew into a fury again! Oh, I am unhappy! It's my character, my awful, unhappy character! Oh, you will see, I shall end by driving him, too, to abandon me for another with whom he can get on better, like Dmitri. But ... no, I could not bear it, I should kill myself. And when you came in then, and when I called to you and told him to come back, I was so enraged by the look of contempt and hatred he turned on me that&#8212;do you remember?&#8212;I cried out to you that it was he, he alone who had persuaded me that his brother Dmitri was a murderer! I said that malicious thing on purpose to wound him again. He had never, never persuaded me that his brother was a murderer. On the contrary, it was I who persuaded him! Oh, my vile temper was the cause of everything! I paved the way to that hideous scene at the trial. He wanted to show me that he was an honorable man, and that, even if I loved his brother, he would not ruin him for revenge or jealousy. So he came to the court ... I am the cause of it all, I alone am to blame!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Katya never had made such confessions to Alyosha before, and he felt that she was now at that stage of unbearable suffering when even the proudest heart painfully crushes its pride and falls vanquished by grief. Oh, Alyosha knew another terrible reason of her present misery, though she had carefully concealed it from him during those days since the trial; but it would have been for some reason too painful to him if she had been brought so low as to speak to him now about that. She was suffering for her &#8220;treachery&#8221; at the trial, and Alyosha felt that her conscience was impelling her to confess it to him, to him, Alyosha, with tears and cries and hysterical writhings on the floor. But he dreaded that moment and longed to spare her. It made the commission on which he had come even more difficult. He spoke of Mitya again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's all right, it's all right, don't be anxious about him!&#8221; she began again, sharply and stubbornly. &#8220;All that is only momentary, I know him, I know his heart only too well. You may be sure he will consent to escape. It's not as though it would be immediately; he will have time to make up his mind to it. Ivan Fyodorovitch will be well by that time and will manage it all himself, so that I shall have nothing to do with it. Don't be anxious; he will consent to run away. He has agreed already: do you suppose he would give up that creature? And they won't let her go to him, so he is bound to escape. It's you he's most afraid of, he is afraid you won't approve of his escape on moral grounds. But you must generously &lt;i&gt;allow&lt;/i&gt; it, if your sanction is so necessary,&#8221; Katya added viciously. She paused and smiled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He talks about some hymn,&#8221; she went on again, &#8220;some cross he has to bear, some duty; I remember Ivan Fyodorovitch told me a great deal about it, and if you knew how he talked!&#8221; Katya cried suddenly, with feeling she could not repress, &#8220;if you knew how he loved that wretched man at the moment he told me, and how he hated him, perhaps, at the same moment. And I heard his story and his tears with sneering disdain. Brute! Yes, I am a brute. I am responsible for his fever. But that man in prison is incapable of suffering,&#8221; Katya concluded irritably. &#8220;Can such a man suffer? Men like him never suffer!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a note of hatred and contemptuous repulsion in her words. And yet it was she who had betrayed him. &#8220;Perhaps because she feels how she's wronged him she hates him at moments,&#8221; Alyosha thought to himself. He hoped that it was only &#8220;at moments.&#8221; In Katya's last words he detected a challenging note, but he did not take it up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I sent for you this morning to make you promise to persuade him yourself. Or do you, too, consider that to escape would be dishonorable, cowardly, or something ... unchristian, perhaps?&#8221; Katya added, even more defiantly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no. I'll tell him everything,&#8221; muttered Alyosha. &#8220;He asks you to come and see him to-day,&#8221; he blurted out suddenly, looking her steadily in the face. She started, and drew back a little from him on the sofa.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Me? Can that be?&#8221; she faltered, turning pale.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It can and ought to be!&#8221; Alyosha began emphatically, growing more animated. &#8220;He needs you particularly just now. I would not have opened the subject and worried you, if it were not necessary. He is ill, he is beside himself, he keeps asking for you. It is not to be reconciled with you that he wants you, but only that you would go and show yourself at his door. So much has happened to him since that day. He realizes that he has injured you beyond all reckoning. He does not ask your forgiveness&#8212;&#8216;It's impossible to forgive me,' he says himself&#8212;but only that you would show yourself in his doorway.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's so sudden....&#8221; faltered Katya. &#8220;I've had a presentiment all these days that you would come with that message. I knew he would ask me to come. It's impossible!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let it be impossible, but do it. Only think, he realizes for the first time how he has wounded you, the first time in his life; he had never grasped it before so fully. He said, &#8216;If she refuses to come I shall be unhappy all my life.' Do you hear? though he is condemned to penal servitude for twenty years, he is still planning to be happy&#8212;is not that piteous? Think&#8212;you must visit him; though he is ruined, he is innocent,&#8221; broke like a challenge from Alyosha. &#8220;His hands are clean, there is no blood on them! For the sake of his infinite sufferings in the future visit him now. Go, greet him on his way into the darkness&#8212;stand at his door, that is all.... You &lt;i&gt;ought&lt;/i&gt; to do it, you &lt;i&gt;ought&lt;/i&gt; to!&#8221; Alyosha concluded, laying immense stress on the word &#8220;ought.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I ought to ... but I cannot....&#8221; Katya moaned. &#8220;He will look at me.... I can't.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your eyes ought to meet. How will you live all your life, if you don't make up your mind to do it now?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Better suffer all my life.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You &lt;i&gt;ought&lt;/i&gt; to go, you &lt;i&gt;ought&lt;/i&gt; to go,&#8221; Alyosha repeated with merciless emphasis.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why to-day, why at once?... I can't leave our patient&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You can for a moment. It will only be a moment. If you don't come, he will be in delirium by to-night. I would not tell you a lie; have pity on him!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have pity on &lt;i&gt;me&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; Katya said, with bitter reproach, and she burst into tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then you will come,&#8221; said Alyosha firmly, seeing her tears. &#8220;I'll go and tell him you will come directly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, don't tell him so on any account,&#8221; cried Katya in alarm. &#8220;I will come, but don't tell him beforehand, for perhaps I may go, but not go in.... I don't know yet&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her voice failed her. She gasped for breath. Alyosha got up to go.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what if I meet any one?&#8221; she said suddenly, in a low voice, turning white again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's just why you must go now, to avoid meeting any one. There will be no one there, I can tell you that for certain. We will expect you,&#8221; he concluded emphatically, and went out of the room.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER II. FOR A MOMENT THE LIE BECOMES TRUTH&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;He hurried to the hospital where Mitya was lying now. The day after his fate was determined, Mitya had fallen ill with nervous fever, and was sent to the prison division of the town hospital. But at the request of several persons (Alyosha, Madame Hohlakov, Lise, etc.), Doctor Varvinsky had put Mitya not with other prisoners, but in a separate little room, the one where Smerdyakov had been. It is true that there was a sentinel at the other end of the corridor, and there was a grating over the window, so that Varvinsky could be at ease about the indulgence he had shown, which was not quite legal, indeed; but he was a kind-hearted and compassionate young man. He knew how hard it would be for a man like Mitya to pass at once so suddenly into the society of robbers and murderers, and that he must get used to it by degrees. The visits of relations and friends were informally sanctioned by the doctor and overseer, and even by the police captain. But only Alyosha and Grushenka had visited Mitya. Rakitin had tried to force his way in twice, but Mitya persistently begged Varvinsky not to admit him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha found him sitting on his bed in a hospital dressing-gown, rather feverish, with a towel, soaked in vinegar and water, on his head. He looked at Alyosha as he came in with an undefined expression, but there was a shade of something like dread discernible in it. He had become terribly preoccupied since the trial; sometimes he would be silent for half an hour together, and seemed to be pondering something heavily and painfully, oblivious of everything about him. If he roused himself from his brooding and began to talk, he always spoke with a kind of abruptness and never of what he really wanted to say. He looked sometimes with a face of suffering at his brother. He seemed to be more at ease with Grushenka than with Alyosha. It is true, he scarcely spoke to her at all, but as soon as she came in, his whole face lighted up with joy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha sat down beside him on the bed in silence. This time Mitya was waiting for Alyosha in suspense, but he did not dare ask him a question. He felt it almost unthinkable that Katya would consent to come, and at the same time he felt that if she did not come, something inconceivable would happen. Alyosha understood his feelings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Trifon Borissovitch,&#8221; Mitya began nervously, &#8220;has pulled his whole inn to pieces, I am told. He's taken up the flooring, pulled apart the planks, split up all the gallery, I am told. He is seeking treasure all the time&#8212;the fifteen hundred roubles which the prosecutor said I'd hidden there. He began playing these tricks, they say, as soon as he got home. Serve him right, the swindler! The guard here told me yesterday; he comes from there.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen,&#8221; began Alyosha. &#8220;She will come, but I don't know when. Perhaps to-day, perhaps in a few days, that I can't tell. But she will come, she will, that's certain.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mitya started, would have said something, but was silent. The news had a tremendous effect on him. It was evident that he would have liked terribly to know what had been said, but he was again afraid to ask. Something cruel and contemptuous from Katya would have cut him like a knife at that moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This was what she said among other things; that I must be sure to set your conscience at rest about escaping. If Ivan is not well by then she will see to it all herself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've spoken of that already,&#8221; Mitya observed musingly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you have repeated it to Grusha,&#8221; observed Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; Mitya admitted. &#8220;She won't come this morning.&#8221; He looked timidly at his brother. &#8220;She won't come till the evening. When I told her yesterday that Katya was taking measures, she was silent, but she set her mouth. She only whispered, &#8216;Let her!' She understood that it was important. I did not dare to try her further. She understands now, I think, that Katya no longer cares for me, but loves Ivan.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Does she?&#8221; broke from Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps she does not. Only she is not coming this morning,&#8221; Mitya hastened to explain again; &#8220;I asked her to do something for me. You know, Ivan is superior to all of us. He ought to live, not us. He will recover.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Would you believe it, though Katya is alarmed about him, she scarcely doubts of his recovery,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That means that she is convinced he will die. It's because she is frightened she's so sure he will get well.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ivan has a strong constitution, and I, too, believe there's every hope that he will get well,&#8221; Alyosha observed anxiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he will get well. But she is convinced that he will die. She has a great deal of sorrow to bear...&#8221; A silence followed. A grave anxiety was fretting Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, I love Grusha terribly,&#8221; he said suddenly in a shaking voice, full of tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They won't let her go out there to you,&#8221; Alyosha put in at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And there is something else I wanted to tell you,&#8221; Mitya went on, with a sudden ring in his voice. &#8220;If they beat me on the way or out there, I won't submit to it. I shall kill some one, and shall be shot for it. And this will be going on for twenty years! They speak to me rudely as it is. I've been lying here all night, passing judgment on myself. I am not ready! I am not able to resign myself. I wanted to sing a &#8216;hymn'; but if a guard speaks rudely to me, I have not the strength to bear it. For Grusha I would bear anything ... anything except blows.... But she won't be allowed to come there.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha smiled gently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Listen, brother, once for all,&#8221; he said. &#8220;This is what I think about it. And you know that I would not tell you a lie. Listen: you are not ready, and such a cross is not for you. What's more, you don't need such a martyr's cross when you are not ready for it. If you had murdered our father, it would grieve me that you should reject your punishment. But you are innocent, and such a cross is too much for you. You wanted to make yourself another man by suffering. I say, only remember that other man always, all your life and wherever you go; and that will be enough for you. Your refusal of that great cross will only serve to make you feel all your life an even greater duty, and that constant feeling will do more to make you a new man, perhaps, than if you went there. For there you would not endure it and would repine, and perhaps at last would say: &#8216;I am quits.' The lawyer was right about that. Such heavy burdens are not for all men. For some they are impossible. These are my thoughts about it, if you want them so much. If other men would have to answer for your escape, officers or soldiers, then I would not have &#8216;allowed' you,&#8221; smiled Alyosha. &#8220;But they declare&#8212;the superintendent of that &lt;i&gt;&#233;tape&lt;/i&gt; told Ivan himself&#8212;that if it's well managed there will be no great inquiry, and that they can get off easily. Of course, bribing is dishonest even in such a case, but I can't undertake to judge about it, because if Ivan and Katya commissioned me to act for you, I know I should go and give bribes. I must tell you the truth. And so I can't judge of your own action. But let me assure you that I shall never condemn you. And it would be a strange thing if I could judge you in this. Now I think I've gone into everything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I do condemn myself!&#8221; cried Mitya. &#8220;I shall escape, that was settled apart from you; could Mitya Karamazov do anything but run away? But I shall condemn myself, and I will pray for my sin for ever. That's how the Jesuits talk, isn't it? Just as we are doing?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes.&#8221; Alyosha smiled gently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I love you for always telling the whole truth and never hiding anything,&#8221; cried Mitya, with a joyful laugh. &#8220;So I've caught my Alyosha being Jesuitical. I must kiss you for that. Now listen to the rest; I'll open the other side of my heart to you. This is what I planned and decided. If I run away, even with money and a passport, and even to America, I should be cheered up by the thought that I am not running away for pleasure, not for happiness, but to another exile as bad, perhaps, as Siberia. It is as bad, Alyosha, it is! I hate that America, damn it, already. Even though Grusha will be with me. Just look at her; is she an American? She is Russian, Russian to the marrow of her bones; she will be homesick for the mother country, and I shall see every hour that she is suffering for my sake, that she has taken up that cross for me. And what harm has she done? And how shall I, too, put up with the rabble out there, though they may be better than I, every one of them? I hate that America already! And though they may be wonderful at machinery, every one of them, damn them, they are not of my soul. I love Russia, Alyosha, I love the Russian God, though I am a scoundrel myself. I shall choke there!&#8221; he exclaimed, his eyes suddenly flashing. His voice was trembling with tears. &#8220;So this is what I've decided, Alyosha, listen,&#8221; he began again, mastering his emotion. &#8220;As soon as I arrive there with Grusha, we will set to work at once on the land, in solitude, somewhere very remote, with wild bears. There must be some remote parts even there. I am told there are still Redskins there, somewhere, on the edge of the horizon. So to the country of the &lt;i&gt;Last of the Mohicans&lt;/i&gt;, and there we'll tackle the grammar at once, Grusha and I. Work and grammar&#8212;that's how we'll spend three years. And by that time we shall speak English like any Englishman. And as soon as we've learnt it&#8212;good-by to America! We'll run here to Russia as American citizens. Don't be uneasy&#8212;we would not come to this little town. We'd hide somewhere, a long way off, in the north or in the south. I shall be changed by that time, and she will, too, in America. The doctors shall make me some sort of wart on my face&#8212;what's the use of their being so mechanical!&#8212;or else I'll put out one eye, let my beard grow a yard, and I shall turn gray, fretting for Russia. I dare say they won't recognize us. And if they do, let them send us to Siberia. I don't care. It will show it's our fate. We'll work on the land here, too, somewhere in the wilds, and I'll make up as an American all my life. But we shall die on our own soil. That's my plan, and it shan't be altered. Do you approve?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; said Alyosha, not wanting to contradict him. Mitya paused for a minute and said suddenly:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And how they worked it up at the trial! Didn't they work it up!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If they had not, you would have been convicted just the same,&#8221; said Alyosha, with a sigh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, people are sick of me here! God bless them, but it's hard,&#8221; Mitya moaned miserably. Again there was silence for a minute.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, put me out of my misery at once!&#8221; he exclaimed suddenly. &#8220;Tell me, is she coming now, or not? Tell me? What did she say? How did she say it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She said she would come, but I don't know whether she will come to-day. It's hard for her, you know,&#8221; Alyosha looked timidly at his brother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should think it is hard for her! Alyosha, it will drive me out of my mind. Grusha keeps looking at me. She understands. My God, calm my heart: what is it I want? I want Katya! Do I understand what I want? It's the headstrong, evil Karamazov spirit! No, I am not fit for suffering. I am a scoundrel, that's all one can say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here she is!&#8221; cried Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that instant Katya appeared in the doorway. For a moment she stood still, gazing at Mitya with a dazed expression. He leapt impulsively to his feet, and a scared look came into his face. He turned pale, but a timid, pleading smile appeared on his lips at once, and with an irresistible impulse he held out both hands to Katya. Seeing it, she flew impetuously to him. She seized him by the hands, and almost by force made him sit down on the bed. She sat down beside him, and still keeping his hands pressed them violently. Several times they both strove to speak, but stopped short and again gazed speechless with a strange smile, their eyes fastened on one another. So passed two minutes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you forgiven me?&#8221; Mitya faltered at last, and at the same moment turning to Alyosha, his face working with joy, he cried, &#8220;Do you hear what I am asking, do you hear?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's what I loved you for, that you are generous at heart!&#8221; broke from Katya. &#8220;My forgiveness is no good to you, nor yours to me; whether you forgive me or not, you will always be a sore place in my heart, and I in yours&#8212;so it must be....&#8221; She stopped to take breath. &#8220;What have I come for?&#8221; she began again with nervous haste: &#8220;to embrace your feet, to press your hands like this, till it hurts&#8212;you remember how in Moscow I used to squeeze them&#8212;to tell you again that you are my god, my joy, to tell you that I love you madly,&#8221; she moaned in anguish, and suddenly pressed his hand greedily to her lips. Tears streamed from her eyes. Alyosha stood speechless and confounded; he had never expected what he was seeing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Love is over, Mitya!&#8221; Katya began again, &#8220;but the past is painfully dear to me. Know that you will always be so. But now let what might have been come true for one minute,&#8221; she faltered, with a drawn smile, looking into his face joyfully again. &#8220;You love another woman, and I love another man, and yet I shall love you for ever, and you will love me; do you know that? Do you hear? Love me, love me all your life!&#8221; she cried, with a quiver almost of menace in her voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall love you, and ... do you know, Katya,&#8221; Mitya began, drawing a deep breath at each word, &#8220;do you know, five days ago, that same evening, I loved you.... When you fell down and were carried out ... All my life! So it will be, so it will always be&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So they murmured to one another frantic words, almost meaningless, perhaps not even true, but at that moment it was all true, and they both believed what they said implicitly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Katya,&#8221; cried Mitya suddenly, &#8220;do you believe I murdered him? I know you don't believe it now, but then ... when you gave evidence.... Surely, surely you did not believe it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I did not believe it even then. I've never believed it. I hated you, and for a moment I persuaded myself. While I was giving evidence I persuaded myself and believed it, but when I'd finished speaking I left off believing it at once. Don't doubt that! I have forgotten that I came here to punish myself,&#8221; she said, with a new expression in her voice, quite unlike the loving tones of a moment before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Woman, yours is a heavy burden,&#8221; broke, as it were, involuntarily from Mitya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let me go,&#8221; she whispered. &#8220;I'll come again. It's more than I can bear now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was getting up from her place, but suddenly uttered a loud scream and staggered back. Grushenka walked suddenly and noiselessly into the room. No one had expected her. Katya moved swiftly to the door, but when she reached Grushenka, she stopped suddenly, turned as white as chalk and moaned softly, almost in a whisper:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Grushenka stared at her and, pausing for an instant, in a vindictive, venomous voice, answered:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We are full of hatred, my girl, you and I! We are both full of hatred! As though we could forgive one another! Save him, and I'll worship you all my life.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You won't forgive her!&#8221; cried Mitya, with frantic reproach.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't be anxious, I'll save him for you!&#8221; Katya whispered rapidly, and she ran out of the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you could refuse to forgive her when she begged your forgiveness herself?&#8221; Mitya exclaimed bitterly again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mitya, don't dare to blame her; you have no right to!&#8221; Alyosha cried hotly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Her proud lips spoke, not her heart,&#8221; Grushenka brought out in a tone of disgust. &#8220;If she saves you I'll forgive her everything&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She stopped speaking, as though suppressing something. She could not yet recover herself. She had come in, as appeared afterwards, accidentally, with no suspicion of what she would meet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alyosha, run after her!&#8221; Mitya cried to his brother; &#8220;tell her ... I don't know ... don't let her go away like this!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll come to you again at nightfall,&#8221; said Alyosha, and he ran after Katya. He overtook her outside the hospital grounds. She was walking fast, but as soon as Alyosha caught her up she said quickly:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, before that woman I can't punish myself! I asked her forgiveness because I wanted to punish myself to the bitter end. She would not forgive me.... I like her for that!&#8221; she added, in an unnatural voice, and her eyes flashed with fierce resentment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My brother did not expect this in the least,&#8221; muttered Alyosha. &#8220;He was sure she would not come&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No doubt. Let us leave that,&#8221; she snapped. &#8220;Listen: I can't go with you to the funeral now. I've sent them flowers. I think they still have money. If necessary, tell them I'll never abandon them.... Now leave me, leave me, please. You are late as it is&#8212;the bells are ringing for the service.... Leave me, please!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER III. ILUSHA'S FUNERAL. THE SPEECH AT THE STONE&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;He really was late. They had waited for him and had already decided to bear the pretty flower-decked little coffin to the church without him. It was the coffin of poor little Ilusha. He had died two days after Mitya was sentenced. At the gate of the house Alyosha was met by the shouts of the boys, Ilusha's schoolfellows. They had all been impatiently expecting him and were glad that he had come at last. There were about twelve of them, they all had their school-bags or satchels on their shoulders. &#8220;Father will cry, be with father,&#8221; Ilusha had told them as he lay dying, and the boys remembered it. Kolya Krassotkin was the foremost of them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How glad I am you've come, Karamazov!&#8221; he cried, holding out his hand to Alyosha. &#8220;It's awful here. It's really horrible to see it. Snegiryov is not drunk, we know for a fact he's had nothing to drink to-day, but he seems as if he were drunk ... I am always manly, but this is awful. Karamazov, if I am not keeping you, one question before you go in?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it, Kolya?&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is your brother innocent or guilty? Was it he killed your father or was it the valet? As you say, so it will be. I haven't slept for the last four nights for thinking of it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The valet killed him, my brother is innocent,&#8221; answered Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's what I said,&#8221; cried Smurov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So he will perish an innocent victim!&#8221; exclaimed Kolya; &#8220;though he is ruined he is happy! I could envy him!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean? How can you? Why?&#8221; cried Alyosha surprised.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, if I, too, could sacrifice myself some day for truth!&#8221; said Kolya with enthusiasm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But not in such a cause, not with such disgrace and such horror!&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course ... I should like to die for all humanity, and as for disgrace, I don't care about that&#8212;our names may perish. I respect your brother!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And so do I!&#8221; the boy, who had once declared that he knew who had founded Troy, cried suddenly and unexpectedly, and he blushed up to his ears like a peony as he had done on that occasion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alyosha went into the room. Ilusha lay with his hands folded and his eyes closed in a blue coffin with a white frill round it. His thin face was hardly changed at all, and strange to say there was no smell of decay from the corpse. The expression of his face was serious and, as it were, thoughtful. His hands, crossed over his breast, looked particularly beautiful, as though chiseled in marble. There were flowers in his hands and the coffin, inside and out, was decked with flowers, which had been sent early in the morning by Lise Hohlakov. But there were flowers too from Katerina Ivanovna, and when Alyosha opened the door, the captain had a bunch in his trembling hands and was strewing them again over his dear boy. He scarcely glanced at Alyosha when he came in, and he would not look at any one, even at his crazy weeping wife, &#8220;mamma,&#8221; who kept trying to stand on her crippled legs to get a nearer look at her dead boy. Nina had been pushed in her chair by the boys close up to the coffin. She sat with her head pressed to it and she too was no doubt quietly weeping. Snegiryov's face looked eager, yet bewildered and exasperated. There was something crazy about his gestures and the words that broke from him. &#8220;Old man, dear old man!&#8221; he exclaimed every minute, gazing at Ilusha. It was his habit to call Ilusha &#8220;old man,&#8221; as a term of affection when he was alive.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father, give me a flower, too; take that white one out of his hand and give it me,&#8221; the crazy mother begged, whimpering. Either because the little white rose in Ilusha's hand had caught her fancy or that she wanted one from his hand to keep in memory of him, she moved restlessly, stretching out her hands for the flower.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I won't give it to any one, I won't give you anything,&#8221; Snegiryov cried callously. &#8220;They are his flowers, not yours! Everything is his, nothing is yours!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Father, give mother a flower!&#8221; said Nina, lifting her face wet with tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I won't give away anything and to her less than any one! She didn't love Ilusha. She took away his little cannon and he gave it to her,&#8221; the captain broke into loud sobs at the thought of how Ilusha had given up his cannon to his mother. The poor, crazy creature was bathed in noiseless tears, hiding her face in her hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The boys, seeing that the father would not leave the coffin and that it was time to carry it out, stood round it in a close circle and began to lift it up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't want him to be buried in the churchyard,&#8221; Snegiryov wailed suddenly; &#8220;I'll bury him by the stone, by our stone! Ilusha told me to. I won't let him be carried out!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had been saying for the last three days that he would bury him by the stone, but Alyosha, Krassotkin, the landlady, her sister and all the boys interfered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What an idea, bury him by an unholy stone, as though he had hanged himself!&#8221; the old landlady said sternly. &#8220;There in the churchyard the ground has been crossed. He'll be prayed for there. One can hear the singing in church and the deacon reads so plainly and verbally that it will reach him every time just as though it were read over his grave.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last the captain made a gesture of despair as though to say, &#8220;Take him where you will.&#8221; The boys raised the coffin, but as they passed the mother, they stopped for a moment and lowered it that she might say good-by to Ilusha. But on seeing that precious little face, which for the last three days she had only looked at from a distance, she trembled all over and her gray head began twitching spasmodically over the coffin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mother, make the sign of the cross over him, give him your blessing, kiss him,&#8221; Nina cried to her. But her head still twitched like an automaton and with a face contorted with bitter grief she began, without a word, beating her breast with her fist. They carried the coffin past her. Nina pressed her lips to her brother's for the last time as they bore the coffin by her. As Alyosha went out of the house he begged the landlady to look after those who were left behind, but she interrupted him before he had finished.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be sure, I'll stay with them, we are Christians, too.&#8221; The old woman wept as she said it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They had not far to carry the coffin to the church, not more than three hundred paces. It was a still, clear day, with a slight frost. The church bells were still ringing. Snegiryov ran fussing and distracted after the coffin, in his short old summer overcoat, with his head bare and his soft, old, wide-brimmed hat in his hand. He seemed in a state of bewildered anxiety. At one minute he stretched out his hand to support the head of the coffin and only hindered the bearers, at another he ran alongside and tried to find a place for himself there. A flower fell on the snow and he rushed to pick it up as though everything in the world depended on the loss of that flower.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the crust of bread, we've forgotten the crust!&#8221; he cried suddenly in dismay. But the boys reminded him at once that he had taken the crust of bread already and that it was in his pocket. He instantly pulled it out and was reassured.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ilusha told me to, Ilusha,&#8221; he explained at once to Alyosha. &#8220;I was sitting by him one night and he suddenly told me: &#8216;Father, when my grave is filled up crumble a piece of bread on it so that the sparrows may fly down, I shall hear and it will cheer me up not to be lying alone.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's a good thing,&#8221; said Alyosha, &#8220;we must often take some.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Every day, every day!&#8221; said the captain quickly, seeming cheered at the thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They reached the church at last and set the coffin in the middle of it. The boys surrounded it and remained reverently standing so, all through the service. It was an old and rather poor church; many of the ikons were without settings; but such churches are the best for praying in. During the mass Snegiryov became somewhat calmer, though at times he had outbursts of the same unconscious and, as it were, incoherent anxiety. At one moment he went up to the coffin to set straight the cover or the wreath, when a candle fell out of the candlestick he rushed to replace it and was a fearful time fumbling over it, then he subsided and stood quietly by the coffin with a look of blank uneasiness and perplexity. After the Epistle he suddenly whispered to Alyosha, who was standing beside him, that the Epistle had not been read properly but did not explain what he meant. During the prayer, &#8220;Like the Cherubim,&#8221; he joined in the singing but did not go on to the end. Falling on his knees, he pressed his forehead to the stone floor and lay so for a long while.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At last came the funeral service itself and candles were distributed. The distracted father began fussing about again, but the touching and impressive funeral prayers moved and roused his soul. He seemed suddenly to shrink together and broke into rapid, short sobs, which he tried at first to smother, but at last he sobbed aloud. When they began taking leave of the dead and closing the coffin, he flung his arms about, as though he would not allow them to cover Ilusha, and began greedily and persistently kissing his dead boy on the lips. At last they succeeded in persuading him to come away from the step, but suddenly he impulsively stretched out his hand and snatched a few flowers from the coffin. He looked at them and a new idea seemed to dawn upon him, so that he apparently forgot his grief for a minute. Gradually he seemed to sink into brooding and did not resist when the coffin was lifted up and carried to the grave. It was an expensive one in the churchyard close to the church, Katerina Ivanovna had paid for it. After the customary rites the grave-diggers lowered the coffin. Snegiryov with his flowers in his hands bent down so low over the open grave that the boys caught hold of his coat in alarm and pulled him back. He did not seem to understand fully what was happening. When they began filling up the grave, he suddenly pointed anxiously at the falling earth and began trying to say something, but no one could make out what he meant, and he stopped suddenly. Then he was reminded that he must crumble the bread and he was awfully excited, snatched up the bread and began pulling it to pieces and flinging the morsels on the grave.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, fly down, birds, fly down, sparrows!&#8221; he muttered anxiously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
One of the boys observed that it was awkward for him to crumble the bread with the flowers in his hands and suggested he should give them to some one to hold for a time. But he would not do this and seemed indeed suddenly alarmed for his flowers, as though they wanted to take them from him altogether. And after looking at the grave, and as it were, satisfying himself that everything had been done and the bread had been crumbled, he suddenly, to the surprise of every one, turned, quite composedly even, and made his way homewards. But his steps became more and more hurried, he almost ran. The boys and Alyosha kept up with him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The flowers are for mamma, the flowers are for mamma! I was unkind to mamma,&#8221; he began exclaiming suddenly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Some one called to him to put on his hat as it was cold. But he flung the hat in the snow as though he were angry and kept repeating, &#8220;I won't have the hat, I won't have the hat.&#8221; Smurov picked it up and carried it after him. All the boys were crying, and Kolya and the boy who discovered about Troy most of all. Though Smurov, with the captain's hat in his hand, was crying bitterly too, he managed, as he ran, to snatch up a piece of red brick that lay on the snow of the path, to fling it at the flock of sparrows that was flying by. He missed them, of course, and went on crying as he ran. Half-way, Snegiryov suddenly stopped, stood still for half a minute, as though struck by something, and suddenly turning back to the church, ran towards the deserted grave. But the boys instantly overtook him and caught hold of him on all sides. Then he fell helpless on the snow as though he had been knocked down, and struggling, sobbing, and wailing, he began crying out, &#8220;Ilusha, old man, dear old man!&#8221; Alyosha and Kolya tried to make him get up, soothing and persuading him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Captain, give over, a brave man must show fortitude,&#8221; muttered Kolya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'll spoil the flowers,&#8221; said Alyosha, &#8220;and mamma is expecting them, she is sitting crying because you would not give her any before. Ilusha's little bed is still there&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, mamma!&#8221; Snegiryov suddenly recollected, &#8220;they'll take away the bed, they'll take it away,&#8221; he added as though alarmed that they really would. He jumped up and ran homewards again. But it was not far off and they all arrived together. Snegiryov opened the door hurriedly and called to his wife with whom he had so cruelly quarreled just before:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma, poor crippled darling, Ilusha has sent you these flowers,&#8221; he cried, holding out to her a little bunch of flowers that had been frozen and broken while he was struggling in the snow. But at that instant he saw in the corner, by the little bed, Ilusha's little boots, which the landlady had put tidily side by side. Seeing the old, patched, rusty-looking, stiff boots he flung up his hands and rushed to them, fell on his knees, snatched up one boot and, pressing his lips to it, began kissing it greedily, crying, &#8220;Ilusha, old man, dear old man, where are your little feet?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where have you taken him away? Where have you taken him?&#8221; the lunatic cried in a heartrending voice. Nina, too, broke into sobs. Kolya ran out of the room, the boys followed him. At last Alyosha too went out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let them weep,&#8221; he said to Kolya, &#8220;it's no use trying to comfort them just now. Let us wait a minute and then go back.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it's no use, it's awful,&#8221; Kolya assented. &#8220;Do you know, Karamazov,&#8221; he dropped his voice so that no one could hear them, &#8220;I feel dreadfully sad, and if it were only possible to bring him back, I'd give anything in the world to do it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, so would I,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you think, Karamazov? Had we better come back here to-night? He'll be drunk, you know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps he will. Let us come together, you and I, that will be enough, to spend an hour with them, with the mother and Nina. If we all come together we shall remind them of everything again,&#8221; Alyosha suggested.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The landlady is laying the table for them now&#8212;there'll be a funeral dinner or something, the priest is coming; shall we go back to it, Karamazov?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course,&#8221; said Alyosha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's all so strange, Karamazov, such sorrow and then pancakes after it, it all seems so unnatural in our religion.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They are going to have salmon, too,&#8221; the boy who had discovered about Troy observed in a loud voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I beg you most earnestly, Kartashov, not to interrupt again with your idiotic remarks, especially when one is not talking to you and doesn't care to know whether you exist or not!&#8221; Kolya snapped out irritably. The boy flushed crimson but did not dare to reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Meantime they were strolling slowly along the path and suddenly Smurov exclaimed:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's Ilusha's stone, under which they wanted to bury him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They all stood still by the big stone. Alyosha looked and the whole picture of what Snegiryov had described to him that day, how Ilusha, weeping and hugging his father, had cried, &#8220;Father, father, how he insulted you,&#8221; rose at once before his imagination.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A sudden impulse seemed to come into his soul. With a serious and earnest expression he looked from one to another of the bright, pleasant faces of Ilusha's schoolfellows, and suddenly said to them:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Boys, I should like to say one word to you, here at this place.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The boys stood round him and at once bent attentive and expectant eyes upon him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Boys, we shall soon part. I shall be for some time with my two brothers, of whom one is going to Siberia and the other is lying at death's door. But soon I shall leave this town, perhaps for a long time, so we shall part. Let us make a compact here, at Ilusha's stone, that we will never forget Ilusha and one another. And whatever happens to us later in life, if we don't meet for twenty years afterwards, let us always remember how we buried the poor boy at whom we once threw stones, do you remember, by the bridge? and afterwards we all grew so fond of him. He was a fine boy, a kind-hearted, brave boy, he felt for his father's honor and resented the cruel insult to him and stood up for him. And so in the first place, we will remember him, boys, all our lives. And even if we are occupied with most important things, if we attain to honor or fall into great misfortune&#8212;still let us remember how good it was once here, when we were all together, united by a good and kind feeling which made us, for the time we were loving that poor boy, better perhaps than we are. My little doves&#8212;let me call you so, for you are very like them, those pretty blue birds, at this minute as I look at your good dear faces. My dear children, perhaps you won't understand what I am saying to you, because I often speak very unintelligibly, but you'll remember it all the same and will agree with my words some time. You must know that there is nothing higher and stronger and more wholesome and good for life in the future than some good memory, especially a memory of childhood, of home. People talk to you a great deal about your education, but some good, sacred memory, preserved from childhood, is perhaps the best education. If a man carries many such memories with him into life, he is safe to the end of his days, and if one has only one good memory left in one's heart, even that may sometime be the means of saving us. Perhaps we may even grow wicked later on, may be unable to refrain from a bad action, may laugh at men's tears and at those people who say as Kolya did just now, &#8216;I want to suffer for all men,' and may even jeer spitefully at such people. But however bad we may become&#8212;which God forbid&#8212;yet, when we recall how we buried Ilusha, how we loved him in his last days, and how we have been talking like friends all together, at this stone, the cruelest and most mocking of us&#8212;if we do become so&#8212;will not dare to laugh inwardly at having been kind and good at this moment! What's more, perhaps, that one memory may keep him from great evil and he will reflect and say, &#8216;Yes, I was good and brave and honest then!' Let him laugh to himself, that's no matter, a man often laughs at what's good and kind. That's only from thoughtlessness. But I assure you, boys, that as he laughs he will say at once in his heart, &#8216;No, I do wrong to laugh, for that's not a thing to laugh at.' &#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That will be so, I understand you, Karamazov!&#8221; cried Kolya, with flashing eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The boys were excited and they, too, wanted to say something, but they restrained themselves, looking with intentness and emotion at the speaker.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I say this in case we become bad,&#8221; Alyosha went on, &#8220;but there's no reason why we should become bad, is there, boys? Let us be, first and above all, kind, then honest and then let us never forget each other! I say that again. I give you my word for my part that I'll never forget one of you. Every face looking at me now I shall remember even for thirty years. Just now Kolya said to Kartashov that we did not care to know whether he exists or not. But I cannot forget that Kartashov exists and that he is not blushing now as he did when he discovered the founders of Troy, but is looking at me with his jolly, kind, dear little eyes. Boys, my dear boys, let us all be generous and brave like Ilusha, clever, brave and generous like Kolya (though he will be ever so much cleverer when he is grown up), and let us all be as modest, as clever and sweet as Kartashov. But why am I talking about those two? You are all dear to me, boys, from this day forth, I have a place in my heart for you all, and I beg you to keep a place in your hearts for me! Well, and who has united us in this kind, good feeling which we shall remember and intend to remember all our lives? Who, if not Ilusha, the good boy, the dear boy, precious to us for ever! Let us never forget him. May his memory live for ever in our hearts from this time forth!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, for ever, for ever!&#8221; the boys cried in their ringing voices, with softened faces.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let us remember his face and his clothes and his poor little boots, his coffin and his unhappy, sinful father, and how boldly he stood up for him alone against the whole school.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We will remember, we will remember,&#8221; cried the boys. &#8220;He was brave, he was good!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, how I loved him!&#8221; exclaimed Kolya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, children, ah, dear friends, don't be afraid of life! How good life is when one does something good and just!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes,&#8221; the boys repeated enthusiastically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Karamazov, we love you!&#8221; a voice, probably Kartashov's, cried impulsively.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We love you, we love you!&#8221; they all caught it up. There were tears in the eyes of many of them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Hurrah for Karamazov!&#8221; Kolya shouted ecstatically.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And may the dead boy's memory live for ever!&#8221; Alyosha added again with feeling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For ever!&#8221; the boys chimed in again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Karamazov,&#8221; cried Kolya, &#8220;can it be true what's taught us in religion, that we shall all rise again from the dead and shall live and see each other again, all, Ilusha too?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Certainly we shall all rise again, certainly we shall see each other and shall tell each other with joy and gladness all that has happened!&#8221; Alyosha answered, half laughing, half enthusiastic.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, how splendid it will be!&#8221; broke from Kolya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, now we will finish talking and go to his funeral dinner. Don't be put out at our eating pancakes&#8212;it's a very old custom and there's something nice in that!&#8221; laughed Alyosha. &#8220;Well, let us go! And now we go hand in hand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And always so, all our lives hand in hand! Hurrah for Karamazov!&#8221; Kolya cried once more rapturously, and once more the boys took up his exclamation: &#8220;Hurrah for Karamazov!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;THE END&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;below&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;E-BOOK&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;div class='spip_document_10679 spip_document spip_documents spip_document_file spip_documents_center spip_document_center spip_document_avec_legende' data-legende-len=&#034;33&#034; data-legende-lenx=&#034;x&#034;
&gt;
&lt;figure class=&#034;spip_doc_inner&#034;&gt;
&lt;a href='https://www.prosperosisle.org/IMG/epub/the_brothers_karamazov.epub?10679/88470cae1b5292ff63d88c22a3729171085ec3c5d6b9a5d1b6f2f02f46c09c06' class=&#034; spip_doc_lien&#034; title='EPUB - 946 KiB' type=&#034;application/epub+zip&#034;&gt;&lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L64xH64/epub-e5bbb.svg?1777976333' width='64' height='64' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;
&lt;figcaption class='spip_doc_legende'&gt; &lt;div class='spip_doc_titre '&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&#034;The Brothers Karamazov&#034; e-book
&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/div&gt; &lt;/figcaption&gt;&lt;/figure&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;FOOTNOTES&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;FOOTNOTES&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;/div&gt;
		&lt;hr /&gt;
		&lt;div class='rss_notes'&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb1&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh1&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 1&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;1&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Il faudrait les inventer&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; one would have to invent them&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb2&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh2&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 2&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;2&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;J'ai vu l'ombre d'un cocher qui avec l'ombre d'une brosse frottait l'ombre d'une carrosse&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; I saw the shadow of a coachman who was brushing the shadow of a carriage with the shadow of a brush&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb3&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh3&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 3&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;3&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;un chevalier parfait&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; a perfect knight&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb4&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh4&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 4&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;4&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;arri&#232;re-pens&#233;e&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; hidden intention.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb5&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh5&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 5&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;5&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;poseurs&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; show-offs&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb6&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh6&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 6&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;6&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;plus de noblesse que de sinc&#233;rit&#233;&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; more nobility than sincerity&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb7&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh7&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 7&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;7&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;Karl von Moor &#8211; the central character in Schiller's play &#8220;&lt;i&gt;The Robbers&lt;/i&gt;&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb8&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh8&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 8&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;8&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;strong &#8211; in Russian, &#8220;silen&#8221;. &#8212;TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb9&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh9&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 9&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;9&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;tableaux vivants&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; living pageants&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb10&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh10&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 10&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;10&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;You grew from the mildew in the bath-house &#8211; a proverbial expression in Russia. TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb11&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh11&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 11&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;11&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Tout cela c'est de la cochonnerie&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; that's all a lot of piggishness&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb12&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh12&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 12&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;12&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Il y a du Piron l&#224;-dedans&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; it's like something from Piron (the French poet)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb13&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh13&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 13&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;13&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Credo&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; I believe&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb14&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh14&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 14&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;14&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&#8220;The Hero of Our Time&#8221;&#8211; a novel by Lermontov (1840)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb15&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh15&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 15&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;15&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;vieilles filles&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; spinsters&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb16&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh16&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 16&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;16&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;Agrafena Alexandrovna &#8211; Grushenka. TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb17&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh17&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 17&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;17&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Den Dank, Dame, begehr ich nicht&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; I don't want your thanks, dear lady&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb18&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh18&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 18&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;18&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;professions de foi&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; declaration of beliefs&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb19&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh19&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 19&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;19&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Le bon jugement de la tr&#232;s sainte et gracieuse Vierge Marie&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; The good judgment of the most holy and gracious Virgin Mary&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb20&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh20&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 20&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;20&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;ad majorem gloriam Dei&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; for the greater glory of God&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb21&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh21&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 21&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;21&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Dixi&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; I have spoken&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb22&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh22&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 22&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;22&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;Lyagavy &#8211; i.e. setter dog. TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb23&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh23&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 23&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;23&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;in the year 1826&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; probably the public event was the Decabrist plot against the Tsar, of December 1825, in which many of the most distinguished men in Russia were concerned. TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb24&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh24&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 24&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;24&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&#8216;What earthly joy'&#8212;&#8211; when a monk's body is carried out from the cell to the church and from the church to the graveyard, the canticle &#8220;What earthly joy...&#8221; is sung. If the deceased was a priest as well as a monk the canticle &#8220;Our Helper and Defender&#8221; is sung instead. TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb25&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh25&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 25&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;25&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;recherch&#233;&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; sophisticated&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb26&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh26&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 26&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;26&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;passons&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; let's pass on (to other things)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb27&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh27&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 27&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;27&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;les femmes tricottent&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; the women are knitting&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb28&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh28&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 28&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;28&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;perezvon &#8211; i.e. a chime of bells. &#8212;TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb29&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh29&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 29&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;29&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;d&#233;shabill&#233;&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; state of undress.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb30&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh30&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 30&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;30&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;vous comprenez, cette affaire et la mort terrible de votre papa&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; you understand, this business and the terrible death of your father&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb31&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh31&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 31&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;31&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;compote&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; sauce&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb32&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh32&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 32&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;32&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;De ideabus non est disputandum&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; there's no need to argue about ideas&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb33&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh33&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 33&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;33&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;qui faisait la cinquantaine&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; who was in his fifties.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb34&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh34&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 34&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;34&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;C'est chevaleresque&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; it's knightly&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb35&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh35&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 35&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;35&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Satan sum et nihil humanum a me alienum puto &#8211; I am Satan and I consider nothing human to be alien to me&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb36&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh36&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 36&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;36&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;C'est du nouveau, n'est-ce pas?&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; That's new, isn't it?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb37&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh37&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 37&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;37&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;Gatzuk &#8211; a Russian astronomer known for publishing calendars&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb38&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh38&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 38&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;38&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Le diable n'existe point.&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; the devil doesn't exist.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb39&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh39&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 39&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;39&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Je pense, donc je suis&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; I think, therefore I exist. (Descartes)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb40&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh40&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 40&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;40&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;did you get your nose pulled &#8211; literally: &#8220;Did you get off with a long nose made at you?&#8221;&#8212;a proverbial expression in Russia for failure. TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb41&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh41&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 41&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;41&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Monsieur sait-il le temps qu'il fait? C'est &#224; ne pas mettre un chien dehors&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; Do you know what the weather's like? It's not fit to put a dog outdoors.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb42&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh42&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 42&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;42&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Le mot de l'&#233;nigme&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; the essence of the enigma&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb43&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh43&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 43&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;43&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Gott der heilige Geist&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; God the Holy Spirit&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb44&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh44&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 44&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;44&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Panem et circenses&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; bread and circuses&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb45&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh45&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 45&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;45&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;Le diable n'existe point&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; the Devil doesn't exist&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb46&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh46&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 46&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;46&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;great writer &#8211; Gogol is meant. TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb47&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh47&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 47&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;47&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;apr&#232;s moi le d&#233;luge&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; after me the floodgates will open.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb48&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh48&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 48&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;48&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;vivos voco&lt;/i&gt;! &#8211; I call the living!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id=&#034;nb49&#034;&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt;[&lt;a href=&#034;#nh49&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; title=&#034;Footnotes 49&#034; rev=&#034;appendix&#034;&gt;49&lt;/a&gt;] &lt;/span&gt;&lt;i&gt;&#233;tape&lt;/i&gt; &#8211; stopover&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;
		
		</content:encoded>


		

	</item>
<item xml:lang="en">
		<title>&#034;Anna Karenina&#034; by Leo Tolstoy (1877)</title>
		<link>https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?article1449</link>
		<guid isPermaLink="true">https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?article1449</guid>
		<dc:date>2026-06-18T04:45:01Z</dc:date>
		<dc:format>text/html</dc:format>
		<dc:language>en</dc:language>
		<dc:creator>Leo Tolstoy</dc:creator>



		<description>
&lt;p&gt;Anna Karenina and Vronsky, Levin and Kitty, the Prince Oblonsky and Dolly &#8211; these are characters that literature is made of, characters that rise up out of these marvellous pages to become as real and as full of life and passion and the drama of life's experience as any of the people who populate our memories. The characters in this sweeping novel have depth and scope, the central drama of Anna's passion is as key to the human experience as can be, the background setting (of mounting (&#8230;)&lt;/p&gt;


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&lt;a href="https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?rubrique36" rel="directory"&gt;Novels&lt;/a&gt;


		</description>


 <content:encoded>&lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L113xH150/anna_karenina_-_e-book_cover-b2dab.jpg?1781761028' class='spip_logo spip_logo_right' width='113' height='150' alt=&#034;&#034; /&gt;
		&lt;div class='rss_texte'&gt;&lt;p&gt;Anna Karenina and Vronsky, Levin and Kitty, the Prince Oblonsky and Dolly &#8211; these are characters that literature is made of, characters that rise up out of these marvellous pages to become as real and as full of life and passion and the drama of life's experience as any of the people who populate our memories. The characters in this sweeping novel have depth and scope, the central drama of Anna's passion is as key to the human experience as can be, the background setting (of mounting economic change threatening the very foundations of the timeless way of life in the Russian countryside, so essential to the very soul of that vast country) is as portentous and significant as any could be, and the prose and the dialogues are of the highest possible order: this novel has everything!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;If only Tolstoy could have left off his mania for preaching and spared us the too-long political-economical digressions on his theories about how to reform Russian agriculture, this novel would have been as close (if not closer) to perfection as any novel ever written since time began. But maybe it is anyway&#8230;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;(350,750 words)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Translated by Constance Garnett.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;All of the many (80+) footnote-translations of words and phrases in French and other languages (German, Latin) have been added for this edition.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;An e-book is available for downloading &lt;a href=&#034;#below&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;below&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;&lt;div class='spip_document_10659 spip_document spip_documents spip_document_image spip_documents_center spip_document_center'&gt;
&lt;figure class=&#034;spip_doc_inner&#034;&gt; &lt;img src='https://www.prosperosisle.org/local/cache-vignettes/L321xH458/a036f4012fb0eb58-f5e5c253-67cd3.png?1779977107' width='321' height='458' alt='' /&gt;
&lt;/figure&gt;
&lt;/div&gt;&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;TABLE OF CONTENTS&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTONE&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART ONE&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTTWO&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART TWO&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTTHREE&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART THREE&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTFOUR&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART FOUR&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTFIVE&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART FIVE&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTSIX&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART SIX&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTSEVEN&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART SEVEN&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;a href=&#034;#PARTEIGHT&#034; class=&#034;spip_ancre&#034;&gt;&lt;strong&gt;PART EIGHT&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTONE&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART ONE&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 1&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everything was in confusion in the Oblonskys' house. The wife had discovered that the husband was carrying on an intrigue with a French girl, who had been a governess in their family, and she had announced to her husband that she could not go on living in the same house with him. This position of affairs had now lasted three days, and not only the husband and wife themselves, but all the members of their family and household, were painfully conscious of it. Every person in the house felt that there was no sense in their living together, and that the stray people brought together by chance in any inn had more in common with one another than they, the members of the family and household of the Oblonskys. The wife did not leave her own room, the husband had not been at home for three days. The children ran wild all over the house; the English governess quarreled with the housekeeper, and wrote to a friend asking her to look out for a new situation for her; the man-cook had walked off the day before just at dinner time; the kitchen-maid, and the coachman had given warning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Three days after the quarrel, Prince Stepan Arkadyevitch Oblonsky&#8212;Stiva, as he was called in the fashionable world&#8212;woke up at his usual hour, that is, at eight o'clock in the morning, not in his wife's bedroom, but on the leather-covered sofa in his study. He turned over his stout, well-cared-for person on the springy sofa, as though he would sink into a long sleep again; he vigorously embraced the pillow on the other side and buried his face in it; but all at once he jumped up, sat up on the sofa, and opened his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, how was it now?&#8221; he thought, going over his dream. &#8220;Now, how was it? To be sure! Alabin was giving a dinner at Darmstadt; no, not Darmstadt, but something American. Yes, but then, Darmstadt was in America. Yes, Alabin was giving a dinner on glass tables, and the tables sang, &lt;i&gt;Il mio tesoro&lt;/i&gt;&#8212;not &lt;i&gt;Il mio tesoro&lt;/i&gt; though, but something better, and there were some sort of little decanters on the table, and they were women, too,&#8221; he remembered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch's eyes twinkled gaily, and he pondered with a smile. &#8220;Yes, it was nice, very nice. There was a great deal more that was delightful, only there's no putting it into words, or even expressing it in one's thoughts awake.&#8221; And noticing a gleam of light peeping in beside one of the serge curtains, he cheerfully dropped his feet over the edge of the sofa, and felt about with them for his slippers, a present on his last birthday, worked for him by his wife on gold-colored morocco. And, as he had done every day for the last nine years, he stretched out his hand, without getting up, towards the place where his dressing-gown always hung in his bedroom. And thereupon he suddenly remembered that he was not sleeping in his wife's room, but in his study, and why: the smile vanished from his face, he knitted his brows.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, ah, ah! Oo!...&#8221; he muttered, recalling everything that had happened. And again every detail of his quarrel with his wife was present to his imagination, all the hopelessness of his position, and worst of all, his own fault.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, she won't forgive me, and she can't forgive me. And the most awful thing about it is that it's all my fault&#8212;all my fault, though I'm not to blame. That's the point of the whole situation,&#8221; he reflected. &#8220;Oh, oh, oh!&#8221; he kept repeating in despair, as he remembered the acutely painful sensations caused him by this quarrel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Most unpleasant of all was the first minute when, on coming, happy and good-humored, from the theater, with a huge pear in his hand for his wife, he had not found his wife in the drawing-room, to his surprise had not found her in the study either, and saw her at last in her bedroom with the unlucky letter that revealed everything in her hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She, his Dolly, forever fussing and worrying over household details, and limited in her ideas, as he considered, was sitting perfectly still with the letter in her hand, looking at him with an expression of horror, despair, and indignation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's this? this?&#8221; she asked, pointing to the letter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And at this recollection, Stepan Arkadyevitch, as is so often the case, was not so much annoyed at the fact itself as at the way in which he had met his wife's words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There happened to him at that instant what does happen to people when they are unexpectedly caught in something very disgraceful. He did not succeed in adapting his face to the position in which he was placed towards his wife by the discovery of his fault. Instead of being hurt, denying, defending himself, begging forgiveness, instead of remaining indifferent even&#8212;anything would have been better than what he did do&#8212;his face utterly involuntarily (reflex spinal action, reflected Stepan Arkadyevitch, who was fond of physiology)&#8212;utterly involuntarily assumed its habitual, good-humored, and therefore idiotic smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This idiotic smile he could not forgive himself. Catching sight of that smile, Dolly shuddered as though at physical pain, broke out with her characteristic heat into a flood of cruel words, and rushed out of the room. Since then she had refused to see her husband.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's that idiotic smile that's to blame for it all,&#8221; thought Stepan Arkadyevitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what's to be done? What's to be done?&#8221; he said to himself in despair, and found no answer.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 2&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Stepan Arkadyevitch was a truthful man in his relations with himself. He was incapable of deceiving himself and persuading himself that he repented of his conduct. He could not at this date repent of the fact that he, a handsome, susceptible man of thirty-four, was not in love with his wife, the mother of five living and two dead children, and only a year younger than himself. All he repented of was that he had not succeeded better in hiding it from his wife. But he felt all the difficulty of his position and was sorry for his wife, his children, and himself. Possibly he might have managed to conceal his sins better from his wife if he had anticipated that the knowledge of them would have had such an effect on her. He had never clearly thought out the subject, but he had vaguely conceived that his wife must long ago have suspected him of being unfaithful to her, and shut her eyes to the fact. He had even supposed that she, a worn-out woman no longer young or good-looking, and in no way remarkable or interesting, merely a good mother, ought from a sense of fairness to take an indulgent view. It had turned out quite the other way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, it's awful! oh dear, oh dear! awful!&#8221; Stepan Arkadyevitch kept repeating to himself, and he could think of nothing to be done. &#8220;And how well things were going up till now! how well we got on! She was contented and happy in her children; I never interfered with her in anything; I let her manage the children and the house just as she liked. It's true it's bad &lt;i&gt;her&lt;/i&gt; having been a governess in our house. That's bad! There's something common, vulgar, in flirting with one's governess. But what a governess!&#8221; (He vividly recalled the roguish black eyes of Mlle. Roland and her smile.) &#8220;But after all, while she was in the house, I kept myself in hand. And the worst of it all is that she's already ... it seems as if ill-luck would have it so! Oh, oh! But what, what is to be done?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was no solution, but that universal solution which life gives to all questions, even the most complex and insoluble. That answer is: one must live in the needs of the day&#8212;that is, forget oneself. To forget himself in sleep was impossible now, at least till nighttime; he could not go back now to the music sung by the decanter-women; so he must forget himself in the dream of daily life.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then we shall see,&#8221; Stepan Arkadyevitch said to himself, and getting up he put on a gray dressing-gown lined with blue silk, tied the tassels in a knot, and, drawing a deep breath of air into his broad, bare chest, he walked to the window with his usual confident step, turning out his feet that carried his full frame so easily. He pulled up the blind and rang the bell loudly. It was at once answered by the appearance of an old friend, his valet, Matvey, carrying his clothes, his boots, and a telegram. Matvey was followed by the barber with all the necessaries for shaving.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are there any papers from the office?&#8221; asked Stepan Arkadyevitch, taking the telegram and seating himself at the looking-glass.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;On the table,&#8221; replied Matvey, glancing with inquiring sympathy at his master; and, after a short pause, he added with a sly smile, &#8220;They've sent from the carriage-jobbers.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch made no reply, he merely glanced at Matvey in the looking-glass. In the glance, in which their eyes met in the looking-glass, it was clear that they understood one another. Stepan Arkadyevitch's eyes asked: &#8220;Why do you tell me that? don't you know?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Matvey put his hands in his jacket pockets, thrust out one leg, and gazed silently, good-humoredly, with a faint smile, at his master.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I told them to come on Sunday, and till then not to trouble you or themselves for nothing,&#8221; he said. He had obviously prepared the sentence beforehand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch saw Matvey wanted to make a joke and attract attention to himself. Tearing open the telegram, he read it through, guessing at the words, misspelt as they always are in telegrams, and his face brightened.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Matvey, my sister Anna Arkadyevna will be here tomorrow,&#8221; he said, checking for a minute the sleek, plump hand of the barber, cutting a pink path through his long, curly whiskers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank God!&#8221; said Matvey, showing by this response that he, like his master, realized the significance of this arrival&#8212;that is, that Anna Arkadyevna, the sister he was so fond of, might bring about a reconciliation between husband and wife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alone, or with her husband?&#8221; inquired Matvey.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch could not answer, as the barber was at work on his upper lip, and he raised one finger. Matvey nodded at the looking-glass.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alone. Is the room to be got ready upstairs?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Inform Darya Alexandrovna: where she orders.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Darya Alexandrovna?&#8221; Matvey repeated, as though in doubt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, inform her. Here, take the telegram; give it to her, and then do what she tells you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You want to try it on,&#8221; Matvey understood, but he only said, &#8220;Yes, sir.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch was already washed and combed and ready to be dressed, when Matvey, stepping deliberately in his creaky boots, came back into the room with the telegram in his hand. The barber had gone.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Darya Alexandrovna told me to inform you that she is going away. Let him do&#8212;that is you&#8212;as he likes,&#8221; he said, laughing only with his eyes, and putting his hands in his pockets, he watched his master with his head on one side. Stepan Arkadyevitch was silent a minute. Then a good-humored and rather pitiful smile showed itself on his handsome face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Eh, Matvey?&#8221; he said, shaking his head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's all right, sir; she will come round,&#8221; said Matvey.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come round?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, sir.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you think so? Who's there?&#8221; asked Stepan Arkadyevitch, hearing the rustle of a woman's dress at the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's I,&#8221; said a firm, pleasant, woman's voice, and the stern, pockmarked face of Matrona Philimonovna, the nurse, was thrust in at the doorway.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what is it, Matrona?&#8221; queried Stepan Arkadyevitch, going up to her at the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Although Stepan Arkadyevitch was completely in the wrong as regards his wife, and was conscious of this himself, almost everyone in the house (even the nurse, Darya Alexandrovna's chief ally) was on his side.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what now?&#8221; he asked disconsolately.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go to her, sir; own your fault again. Maybe God will aid you. She is suffering so, it's sad to see her; and besides, everything in the house is topsy-turvy. You must have pity, sir, on the children. Beg her forgiveness, sir. There's no help for it! One must take the consequences....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But she won't see me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You do your part. God is merciful; pray to God, sir, pray to God.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, that'll do, you can go,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, blushing suddenly. &#8220;Well now, do dress me.&#8221; He turned to Matvey and threw off his dressing-gown decisively.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Matvey was already holding up the shirt like a horse's collar, and, blowing off some invisible speck, he slipped it with obvious pleasure over the well-groomed body of his master.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 3&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When he was dressed, Stepan Arkadyevitch sprinkled some scent on himself, pulled down his shirt-cuffs, distributed into his pockets his cigarettes, pocketbook, matches, and watch with its double chain and seals, and shaking out his handkerchief, feeling himself clean, fragrant, healthy, and physically at ease, in spite of his unhappiness, he walked with a slight swing on each leg into the dining-room, where coffee was already waiting for him, and beside the coffee, letters and papers from the office.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He read the letters. One was very unpleasant, from a merchant who was buying a forest on his wife's property. To sell this forest was absolutely essential; but at present, until he was reconciled with his wife, the subject could not be discussed. The most unpleasant thing of all was that his pecuniary interests should in this way enter into the question of his reconciliation with his wife. And the idea that he might be led on by his interests, that he might seek a reconciliation with his wife on account of the sale of the forest&#8212;that idea hurt him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When he had finished his letters, Stepan Arkadyevitch moved the office-papers close to him, rapidly looked through two pieces of business, made a few notes with a big pencil, and pushing away the papers, turned to his coffee. As he sipped his coffee, he opened a still damp morning paper, and began reading it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch took in and read a liberal paper, not an extreme one, but one advocating the views held by the majority. And in spite of the fact that science, art, and politics had no special interest for him, he firmly held those views on all these subjects which were held by the majority and by his paper, and he only changed them when the majority changed them&#8212;or, more strictly speaking, he did not change them, but they imperceptibly changed of themselves within him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch had not chosen his political opinions or his views; these political opinions and views had come to him of themselves, just as he did not choose the shapes of his hat and coat, but simply took those that were being worn. And for him, living in a certain society&#8212;owing to the need, ordinarily developed at years of discretion, for some degree of mental activity&#8212;to have views was just as indispensable as to have a hat. If there was a reason for his preferring liberal to conservative views, which were held also by many of his circle, it arose not from his considering liberalism more rational, but from its being in closer accordance with his manner of life. The liberal party said that in Russia everything is wrong, and certainly Stepan Arkadyevitch had many debts and was decidedly short of money. The liberal party said that marriage is an institution quite out of date, and that it needs reconstruction; and family life certainly afforded Stepan Arkadyevitch little gratification, and forced him into lying and hypocrisy, which was so repulsive to his nature. The liberal party said, or rather allowed it to be understood, that religion is only a curb to keep in check the barbarous classes of the people; and Stepan Arkadyevitch could not get through even a short service without his legs aching from standing up, and could never make out what was the object of all the terrible and high-flown language about another world when life might be so very amusing in this world. And with all this, Stepan Arkadyevitch, who liked a joke, was fond of puzzling a plain man by saying that if he prided himself on his origin, he ought not to stop at Rurik and disown the first founder of his family&#8212;the monkey. And so Liberalism had become a habit of Stepan Arkadyevitch's, and he liked his newspaper, as he did his cigar after dinner, for the slight fog it diffused in his brain. He read the leading article, in which it was maintained that it was quite senseless in our day to raise an outcry that radicalism was threatening to swallow up all conservative elements, and that the government ought to take measures to crush the revolutionary hydra; that, on the contrary, &#8220;in our opinion the danger lies not in that fantastic revolutionary hydra, but in the obstinacy of traditionalism clogging progress,&#8221; etc., etc. He read another article, too, a financial one, which alluded to Bentham and Mill, and dropped some innuendoes reflecting on the ministry. With his characteristic quickwittedness he caught the drift of each innuendo, divined whence it came, at whom and on what ground it was aimed, and that afforded him, as it always did, a certain satisfaction. But today that satisfaction was embittered by Matrona Philimonovna's advice and the unsatisfactory state of the household. He read, too, that Count Beist was rumored to have left for Wiesbaden, and that one need have no more gray hair, and of the sale of a light carriage, and of a young person seeking a situation; but these items of information did not give him, as usual, a quiet, ironical gratification. Having finished the paper, a second cup of coffee and a roll and butter, he got up, shaking the crumbs of the roll off his waistcoat; and, squaring his broad chest, he smiled joyously: not because there was anything particularly agreeable in his mind&#8212;the joyous smile was evoked by a good digestion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But this joyous smile at once recalled everything to him, and he grew thoughtful.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Two childish voices (Stepan Arkadyevitch recognized the voices of Grisha, his youngest boy, and Tanya, his eldest girl) were heard outside the door. They were carrying something, and dropped it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I told you not to sit passengers on the roof,&#8221; said the little girl in English; &#8220;there, pick them up!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Everything's in confusion,&#8221; thought Stepan Arkadyevitch; &#8220;there are the children running about by themselves.&#8221; And going to the door, he called them. They threw down the box, that represented a train, and came in to their father.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The little girl, her father's favorite, ran up boldly, embraced him, and hung laughingly on his neck, enjoying as she always did the smell of scent that came from his whiskers. At last the little girl kissed his face, which was flushed from his stooping posture and beaming with tenderness, loosed her hands, and was about to run away again; but her father held her back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How is mamma?&#8221; he asked, passing his hand over his daughter's smooth, soft little neck. &#8220;Good morning,&#8221; he said, smiling to the boy, who had come up to greet him. He was conscious that he loved the boy less, and always tried to be fair; but the boy felt it, and did not respond with a smile to his father's chilly smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma? She is up,&#8221; answered the girl.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch sighed. &#8220;That means that she's not slept again all night,&#8221; he thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, is she cheerful?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The little girl knew that there was a quarrel between her father and mother, and that her mother could not be cheerful, and that her father must be aware of this, and that he was pretending when he asked about it so lightly. And she blushed for her father. He at once perceived it, and blushed too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know,&#8221; she said. &#8220;She did not say we must do our lessons, but she said we were to go for a walk with Miss Hoole to grandmamma's.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, go, Tanya, my darling. Oh, wait a minute, though,&#8221; he said, still holding her and stroking her soft little hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He took off the mantelpiece, where he had put it yesterday, a little box of sweets, and gave her two, picking out her favorites, a chocolate and a fondant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For Grisha?&#8221; said the little girl, pointing to the chocolate.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes.&#8221; And still stroking her little shoulder, he kissed her on the roots of her hair and neck, and let her go.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The carriage is ready,&#8221; said Matvey; &#8220;but there's someone to see you with a petition.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Been here long?&#8221; asked Stepan Arkadyevitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Half an hour.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How many times have I told you to tell me at once?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One must let you drink your coffee in peace, at least,&#8221; said Matvey, in the affectionately gruff tone with which it was impossible to be angry.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, show the person up at once,&#8221; said Oblonsky, frowning with vexation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The petitioner, the widow of a staff captain Kalinin, came with a request impossible and unreasonable; but Stepan Arkadyevitch, as he generally did, made her sit down, heard her to the end attentively without interrupting her, and gave her detailed advice as to how and to whom to apply, and even wrote her, in his large, sprawling, good and legible hand, a confident and fluent little note to a personage who might be of use to her. Having got rid of the staff captain's widow, Stepan Arkadyevitch took his hat and stopped to recollect whether he had forgotten anything. It appeared that he had forgotten nothing except what he wanted to forget&#8212;his wife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, yes!&#8221; He bowed his head, and his handsome face assumed a harassed expression. &#8220;To go, or not to go!&#8221; he said to himself; and an inner voice told him he must not go, that nothing could come of it but falsity; that to amend, to set right their relations was impossible, because it was impossible to make her attractive again and able to inspire love, or to make him an old man, not susceptible to love. Except deceit and lying nothing could come of it now; and deceit and lying were opposed to his nature.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It must be some time, though: it can't go on like this,&#8221; he said, trying to give himself courage. He squared his chest, took out a cigarette, took two whiffs at it, flung it into a mother-of-pearl ashtray, and with rapid steps walked through the drawing-room, and opened the other door into his wife's bedroom.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 4&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Darya Alexandrovna, in a dressing jacket, and with her now scanty, once luxuriant and beautiful hair fastened up with hairpins on the nape of her neck, with a sunken, thin face and large, startled eyes, which looked prominent from the thinness of her face, was standing among a litter of all sorts of things scattered all over the room, before an open bureau, from which she was taking something. Hearing her husband's steps, she stopped, looking towards the door, and trying assiduously to give her features a severe and contemptuous expression. She felt she was afraid of him, and afraid of the coming interview. She was just attempting to do what she had attempted to do ten times already in these last three days&#8212;to sort out the children's things and her own, so as to take them to her mother's&#8212;and again she could not bring herself to do this; but now again, as each time before, she kept saying to herself, &#8220;that things cannot go on like this, that she must take some step&#8221; to punish him, put him to shame, avenge on him some little part at least of the suffering he had caused her. She still continued to tell herself that she should leave him, but she was conscious that this was impossible; it was impossible because she could not get out of the habit of regarding him as her husband and loving him. Besides this, she realized that if even here in her own house she could hardly manage to look after her five children properly, they would be still worse off where she was going with them all. As it was, even in the course of these three days, the youngest was unwell from being given unwholesome soup, and the others had almost gone without their dinner the day before. She was conscious that it was impossible to go away; but, cheating herself, she went on all the same sorting out her things and pretending she was going.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seeing her husband, she dropped her hands into the drawer of the bureau as though looking for something, and only looked round at him when he had come quite up to her. But her face, to which she tried to give a severe and resolute expression, betrayed bewilderment and suffering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dolly!&#8221; he said in a subdued and timid voice. He bent his head towards his shoulder and tried to look pitiful and humble, but for all that he was radiant with freshness and health. In a rapid glance she scanned his figure that beamed with health and freshness. &#8220;Yes, he is happy and content!&#8221; she thought; &#8220;while I.... And that disgusting good nature, which everyone likes him for and praises&#8212;I hate that good nature of his,&#8221; she thought. Her mouth stiffened, the muscles of the cheek contracted on the right side of her pale, nervous face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you want?&#8221; she said in a rapid, deep, unnatural voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dolly!&#8221; he repeated, with a quiver in his voice. &#8220;Anna is coming today.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what is that to me? I can't see her!&#8221; she cried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you must, really, Dolly....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go away, go away, go away!&#8221; she shrieked, not looking at him, as though this shriek were called up by physical pain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch could be calm when he thought of his wife, he could hope that she would &lt;i&gt;come round&lt;/i&gt;, as Matvey expressed it, and could quietly go on reading his paper and drinking his coffee; but when he saw her tortured, suffering face, heard the tone of her voice, submissive to fate and full of despair, there was a catch in his breath and a lump in his throat, and his eyes began to shine with tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My God! what have I done? Dolly! For God's sake!... You know....&#8221; He could not go on; there was a sob in his throat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She shut the bureau with a slam, and glanced at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dolly, what can I say?... One thing: forgive.... Remember, cannot nine years of my life atone for an instant....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She dropped her eyes and listened, expecting what he would say, as it were beseeching him in some way or other to make her believe differently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8212;instant of passion?&#8221; he said, and would have gone on, but at that word, as at a pang of physical pain, her lips stiffened again, and again the muscles of her right cheek worked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go away, go out of the room!&#8221; she shrieked still more shrilly, &#8220;and don't talk to me of your passion and your loathsomeness.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She tried to go out, but tottered, and clung to the back of a chair to support herself. His face relaxed, his lips swelled, his eyes were swimming with tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dolly!&#8221; he said, sobbing now; &#8220;for mercy's sake, think of the children; they are not to blame! I am to blame, and punish me, make me expiate my fault. Anything I can do, I am ready to do anything! I am to blame, no words can express how much I am to blame! But, Dolly, forgive me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She sat down. He listened to her hard, heavy breathing, and he was unutterably sorry for her. She tried several times to begin to speak, but could not. He waited.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You remember the children, Stiva, to play with them; but I remember them, and know that this means their ruin,&#8221; she said&#8212;obviously one of the phrases she had more than once repeated to herself in the course of the last few days.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She had called him &#8220;Stiva,&#8221; and he glanced at her with gratitude, and moved to take her hand, but she drew back from him with aversion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think of the children, and for that reason I would do anything in the world to save them, but I don't myself know how to save them. By taking them away from their father, or by leaving them with a vicious father&#8212;yes, a vicious father.... Tell me, after what ... has happened, can we live together? Is that possible? Tell me, eh, is it possible?&#8221; she repeated, raising her voice, &#8220;after my husband, the father of my children, enters into a love affair with his own children's governess?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what could I do? what could I do?&#8221; he kept saying in a pitiful voice, not knowing what he was saying, as his head sank lower and lower.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are loathsome to me, repulsive!&#8221; she shrieked, getting more and more heated. &#8220;Your tears mean nothing! You have never loved me; you have neither heart nor honorable feeling! You are hateful to me, disgusting, a stranger&#8212;yes, a complete stranger!&#8221; With pain and wrath she uttered the word so terrible to herself&#8212;stranger.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He looked at her, and the fury expressed in her face alarmed and amazed him. He did not understand how his pity for her exasperated her. She saw in him sympathy for her, but not love. &#8220;No, she hates me. She will not forgive me,&#8221; he thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is awful! awful!&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that moment in the next room a child began to cry; probably it had fallen down. Darya Alexandrovna listened, and her face suddenly softened.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She seemed to be pulling herself together for a few seconds, as though she did not know where she was, and what she was doing, and getting up rapidly, she moved towards the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, she loves my child,&#8221; he thought, noticing the change of her face at the child's cry, &#8220;my child: how can she hate me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dolly, one word more,&#8221; he said, following her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you come near me, I will call in the servants, the children! They may all know you are a scoundrel! I am going away at once, and you may live here with your mistress!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And she went out, slamming the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch sighed, wiped his face, and with a subdued tread walked out of the room. &#8220;Matvey says she will come round; but how? I don't see the least chance of it. Ah, oh, how horrible it is! And how vulgarly she shouted,&#8221; he said to himself, remembering her shriek and the words&#8212;&#8220;scoundrel&#8221; and &#8220;mistress.&#8221; &#8220;And very likely the maids were listening! Horribly vulgar! horrible!&#8221; Stepan Arkadyevitch stood a few seconds alone, wiped his face, squared his chest, and walked out of the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was Friday, and in the dining-room the German watchmaker was winding up the clock. Stepan Arkadyevitch remembered his joke about this punctual, bald watchmaker, &#8220;that the German was wound up for a whole lifetime himself, to wind up watches,&#8221; and he smiled. Stepan Arkadyevitch was fond of a joke: &#8220;And maybe she will come round! That's a good expression, &#8216;come round,'&#8221; he thought. &#8220;I must repeat that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Matvey!&#8221; he shouted. &#8220;Arrange everything with Darya in the sitting room for Anna Arkadyevna,&#8221; he said to Matvey when he came in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, sir.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch put on his fur coat and went out onto the steps.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You won't dine at home?&#8221; said Matvey, seeing him off.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's as it happens. But here's for the housekeeping,&#8221; he said, taking ten roubles from his pocketbook. &#8220;That'll be enough.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Enough or not enough, we must make it do,&#8221; said Matvey, slamming the carriage door and stepping back onto the steps.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Darya Alexandrovna meanwhile having pacified the child, and knowing from the sound of the carriage that he had gone off, went back again to her bedroom. It was her solitary refuge from the household cares which crowded upon her directly she went out from it. Even now, in the short time she had been in the nursery, the English governess and Matrona Philimonovna had succeeded in putting several questions to her, which did not admit of delay, and which only she could answer: &#8220;What were the children to put on for their walk? Should they have any milk? Should not a new cook be sent for?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, let me alone, let me alone!&#8221; she said, and going back to her bedroom she sat down in the same place as she had sat when talking to her husband, clasping tightly her thin hands with the rings that slipped down on her bony fingers, and fell to going over in her memory all the conversation. &#8220;He has gone! But has he broken it off with her?&#8221; she thought. &#8220;Can it be he sees her? Why didn't I ask him! No, no, reconciliation is impossible. Even if we remain in the same house, we are strangers&#8212;strangers forever!&#8221; She repeated again with special significance the word so dreadful to her. &#8220;And how I loved him! my God, how I loved him!... How I loved him! And now don't I love him? Don't I love him more than before? The most horrible thing is,&#8221; she began, but did not finish her thought, because Matrona Philimonovna put her head in at the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let us send for my brother,&#8221; she said; &#8220;he can get a dinner anyway, or we shall have the children getting nothing to eat till six again, like yesterday.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well, I will come directly and see about it. But did you send for some new milk?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Darya Alexandrovna plunged into the duties of the day, and drowned her grief in them for a time.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 5&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Stepan Arkadyevitch had learned easily at school, thanks to his excellent abilities, but he had been idle and mischievous, and therefore was one of the lowest in his class. But in spite of his habitually dissipated mode of life, his inferior grade in the service, and his comparative youth, he occupied the honorable and lucrative position of president of one of the government boards at Moscow. This post he had received through his sister Anna's husband, Alexey Alexandrovitch Karenin, who held one of the most important positions in the ministry to whose department the Moscow office belonged. But if Karenin had not got his brother-in-law this berth, then through a hundred other personages&#8212;brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, and aunts&#8212;Stiva Oblonsky would have received this post, or some other similar one, together with the salary of six thousand absolutely needful for him, as his affairs, in spite of his wife's considerable property, were in an embarrassed condition.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Half Moscow and Petersburg were friends and relations of Stepan Arkadyevitch. He was born in the midst of those who had been and are the powerful ones of this world. One-third of the men in the government, the older men, had been friends of his father's, and had known him in petticoats; another third were his intimate chums, and the remainder were friendly acquaintances. Consequently the distributors of earthly blessings in the shape of places, rents, shares, and such, were all his friends, and could not overlook one of their own set; and Oblonsky had no need to make any special exertion to get a lucrative post. He had only not to refuse things, not to show jealousy, not to be quarrelsome or take offense, all of which from his characteristic good nature he never did. It would have struck him as absurd if he had been told that he would not get a position with the salary he required, especially as he expected nothing out of the way; he only wanted what the men of his own age and standing did get, and he was no worse qualified for performing duties of the kind than any other man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch was not merely liked by all who knew him for his good humor, but for his bright disposition, and his unquestionable honesty. In him, in his handsome, radiant figure, his sparkling eyes, black hair and eyebrows, and the white and red of his face, there was something which produced a physical effect of kindliness and good humor on the people who met him. &#8220;Aha! Stiva! Oblonsky! Here he is!&#8221; was almost always said with a smile of delight on meeting him. Even though it happened at times that after a conversation with him it seemed that nothing particularly delightful had happened, the next day, and the next, everyone was just as delighted at meeting him again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After filling for three years the post of president of one of the government boards at Moscow, Stepan Arkadyevitch had won the respect, as well as the liking, of his fellow-officials, subordinates, and superiors, and all who had had business with him. The principal qualities in Stepan Arkadyevitch which had gained him this universal respect in the service consisted, in the first place, of his extreme indulgence for others, founded on a consciousness of his own shortcomings; secondly, of his perfect liberalism&#8212;not the liberalism he read of in the papers, but the liberalism that was in his blood, in virtue of which he treated all men perfectly equally and exactly the same, whatever their fortune or calling might be; and thirdly&#8212;the most important point&#8212;his complete indifference to the business in which he was engaged, in consequence of which he was never carried away, and never made mistakes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On reaching the offices of the board, Stepan Arkadyevitch, escorted by a deferential porter with a portfolio, went into his little private room, put on his uniform, and went into the boardroom. The clerks and copyists all rose, greeting him with good-humored deference. Stepan Arkadyevitch moved quickly, as ever, to his place, shook hands with his colleagues, and sat down. He made a joke or two, and talked just as much as was consistent with due decorum, and began work. No one knew better than Stepan Arkadyevitch how to hit on the exact line between freedom, simplicity, and official stiffness necessary for the agreeable conduct of business. A secretary, with the good-humored deference common to everyone in Stepan Arkadyevitch's office, came up with papers, and began to speak in the familiar and easy tone which had been introduced by Stepan Arkadyevitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We have succeeded in getting the information from the government department of Penza. Here, would you care?...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've got them at last?&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, laying his finger on the paper. &#8220;Now, gentlemen....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the sitting of the board began.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If they knew,&#8221; he thought, bending his head with a significant air as he listened to the report, &#8220;what a guilty little boy their president was half an hour ago.&#8221; And his eyes were laughing during the reading of the report. Till two o'clock the sitting would go on without a break, and at two o'clock there would be an interval and luncheon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was not yet two, when the large glass doors of the boardroom suddenly opened and someone came in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All the officials sitting on the further side under the portrait of the Tsar and the eagle, delighted at any distraction, looked round at the door; but the doorkeeper standing at the door at once drove out the intruder, and closed the glass door after him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the case had been read through, Stepan Arkadyevitch got up and stretched, and by way of tribute to the liberalism of the times took out a cigarette in the boardroom and went into his private room. Two of the members of the board, the old veteran in the service, Nikitin, and the &lt;i&gt;Kammerjunker&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb1&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Kammerjunker &#8211; chamberlain, royal attendant&#034; id=&#034;nh1&#034;&gt;1&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; Grinevitch, went in with him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We shall have time to finish after lunch,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be sure we shall!&#8221; said Nikitin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A pretty sharp fellow this Fomin must be,&#8221; said Grinevitch of one of the persons taking part in the case they were examining.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch frowned at Grinevitch's words, giving him thereby to understand that it was improper to pass judgment prematurely, and made him no reply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who was that came in?&#8221; he asked the doorkeeper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Someone, your excellency, crept in without permission directly my back was turned. He was asking for you. I told him: when the members come out, then....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where is he?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Maybe he's gone into the passage, but here he comes anyway. That is he,&#8221; said the doorkeeper, pointing to a strongly built, broad-shouldered man with a curly beard, who, without taking off his sheepskin cap, was running lightly and rapidly up the worn steps of the stone staircase. One of the members going down&#8212;a lean official with a portfolio&#8212;stood out of his way and looked disapprovingly at the legs of the stranger, then glanced inquiringly at Oblonsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch was standing at the top of the stairs. His good-naturedly beaming face above the embroidered collar of his uniform beamed more than ever when he recognized the man coming up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, it's actually you, Levin, at last!&#8221; he said with a friendly mocking smile, scanning Levin as he approached. &#8220;How is it you have deigned to look me up in this den?&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, and not content with shaking hands, he kissed his friend. &#8220;Have you been here long?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have just come, and very much wanted to see you,&#8221; said Levin, looking shyly and at the same time angrily and uneasily around.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, let's go into my room,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, who knew his friend's sensitive and irritable shyness, and, taking his arm, he drew him along, as though guiding him through dangers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch was on familiar terms with almost all his acquaintances, and called almost all of them by their Christian names: old men of sixty, boys of twenty, actors, ministers, merchants, and adjutant-generals, so that many of his intimate chums were to be found at the extreme ends of the social ladder, and would have been very much surprised to learn that they had, through the medium of Oblonsky, something in common. He was the familiar friend of everyone with whom he took a glass of champagne, and he took a glass of champagne with everyone, and when in consequence he met any of his disreputable chums, as he used in joke to call many of his friends, in the presence of his subordinates, he well knew how, with his characteristic tact, to diminish the disagreeable impression made on them. Levin was not a disreputable chum, but Oblonsky, with his ready tact, felt that Levin fancied he might not care to show his intimacy with him before his subordinates, and so he made haste to take him off into his room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin was almost of the same age as Oblonsky; their intimacy did not rest merely on champagne. Levin had been the friend and companion of his early youth. They were fond of one another in spite of the difference of their characters and tastes, as friends are fond of one another who have been together in early youth. But in spite of this, each of them&#8212;as is often the way with men who have selected careers of different kinds&#8212;though in discussion he would even justify the other's career, in his heart despised it. It seemed to each of them that the life he led himself was the only real life, and the life led by his friend was a mere phantasm. Oblonsky could not restrain a slight mocking smile at the sight of Levin. How often he had seen him come up to Moscow from the country where he was doing something, but what precisely Stepan Arkadyevitch could never quite make out, and indeed he took no interest in the matter. Levin arrived in Moscow always excited and in a hurry, rather ill at ease and irritated by his own want of ease, and for the most part with a perfectly new, unexpected view of things. Stepan Arkadyevitch laughed at this, and liked it. In the same way Levin in his heart despised the town mode of life of his friend, and his official duties, which he laughed at, and regarded as trifling. But the difference was that Oblonsky, as he was doing the same as everyone did, laughed complacently and good-humoredly, while Levin laughed without complacency and sometimes angrily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We have long been expecting you,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, going into his room and letting Levin's hand go as though to show that here all danger was over. &#8220;I am very, very glad to see you,&#8221; he went on. &#8220;Well, how are you? Eh? When did you come?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin was silent, looking at the unknown faces of Oblonsky's two companions, and especially at the hand of the elegant Grinevitch, which had such long white fingers, such long yellow filbert-shaped nails, and such huge shining studs on the shirt-cuff, that apparently they absorbed all his attention, and allowed him no freedom of thought. Oblonsky noticed this at once, and smiled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, to be sure, let me introduce you,&#8221; he said. &#8220;My colleagues: Philip Ivanitch Nikitin, Mihail Stanislavitch Grinevitch&#8221;&#8212;and turning to Levin&#8212;&#8220;a district councilor, a modern district councilman, a gymnast who lifts thirteen stone with one hand, a cattle-breeder and sportsman, and my friend, Konstantin Dmitrievitch Levin, the brother of Sergey Ivanovitch Koznishev.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Delighted,&#8221; said the veteran.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have the honor of knowing your brother, Sergey Ivanovitch,&#8221; said Grinevitch, holding out his slender hand with its long nails.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin frowned, shook hands coldly, and at once turned to Oblonsky. Though he had a great respect for his half-brother, an author well known to all Russia, he could not endure it when people treated him not as Konstantin Levin, but as the brother of the celebrated Koznishev.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I am no longer a district councilor. I have quarreled with them all, and don't go to the meetings any more,&#8221; he said, turning to Oblonsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've been quick about it!&#8221; said Oblonsky with a smile. &#8220;But how? why?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's a long story. I will tell you some time,&#8221; said Levin, but he began telling him at once. &#8220;Well, to put it shortly, I was convinced that nothing was really done by the district councils, or ever could be,&#8221; he began, as though someone had just insulted him. &#8220;On one side it's a plaything; they play at being a parliament, and I'm neither young enough nor old enough to find amusement in playthings; and on the other side&#8221; (he stammered) &#8220;it's a means for the coterie of the district to make money. Formerly they had wardships, courts of justice, now they have the district council&#8212;not in the form of bribes, but in the form of unearned salary,&#8221; he said, as hotly as though someone of those present had opposed his opinion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Aha! You're in a new phase again, I see&#8212;a conservative,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch. &#8220;However, we can go into that later.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, later. But I wanted to see you,&#8221; said Levin, looking with hatred at Grinevitch's hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch gave a scarcely perceptible smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How was it you used to say you would never wear European dress again?&#8221; he said, scanning his new suit, obviously cut by a French tailor. &#8220;Ah! I see: a new phase.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin suddenly blushed, not as grown men blush, slightly, without being themselves aware of it, but as boys blush, feeling that they are ridiculous through their shyness, and consequently ashamed of it and blushing still more, almost to the point of tears. And it was so strange to see this sensible, manly face in such a childish plight, that Oblonsky left off looking at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, where shall we meet? You know I want very much to talk to you,&#8221; said Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Oblonsky seemed to ponder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll tell you what: let's go to Gurin's to lunch, and there we can talk. I am free till three.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; answered Levin, after an instant's thought, &#8220;I have got to go on somewhere else.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right, then, let's dine together.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dine together? But I have nothing very particular, only a few words to say, and a question I want to ask you, and we can have a talk afterwards.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, say the few words, then, at once, and we'll gossip after dinner.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, it's this,&#8221; said Levin; &#8220;but it's of no importance, though.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His face all at once took an expression of anger from the effort he was making to surmount his shyness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What are the Shtcherbatskys doing? Everything as it used to be?&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch, who had long known that Levin was in love with his sister-in-law, Kitty, gave a hardly perceptible smile, and his eyes sparkled merrily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You said a few words, but I can't answer in a few words, because.... Excuse me a minute....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A secretary came in, with respectful familiarity and the modest consciousness, characteristic of every secretary, of superiority to his chief in the knowledge of their business; he went up to Oblonsky with some papers, and began, under pretense of asking a question, to explain some objection. Stepan Arkadyevitch, without hearing him out, laid his hand genially on the secretary's sleeve.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you do as I told you,&#8221; he said, softening his words with a smile, and with a brief explanation of his view of the matter he turned away from the papers, and said: &#8220;So do it that way, if you please, Zahar Nikititch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The secretary retired in confusion. During the consultation with the secretary Levin had completely recovered from his embarrassment. He was standing with his elbows on the back of a chair, and on his face was a look of ironical attention.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't understand it, I don't understand it,&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What don't you understand?&#8221; said Oblonsky, smiling as brightly as ever, and picking up a cigarette. He expected some queer outburst from Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't understand what you are doing,&#8221; said Levin, shrugging his shoulders. &#8220;How can you do it seriously?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, because there's nothing in it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You think so, but we're overwhelmed with work.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;On paper. But, there, you've a gift for it,&#8221; added Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's to say, you think there's a lack of something in me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps so,&#8221; said Levin. &#8220;But all the same I admire your grandeur, and am proud that I've a friend in such a great person. You've not answered my question, though,&#8221; he went on, with a desperate effort looking Oblonsky straight in the face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, that's all very well. You wait a bit, and you'll come to this yourself. It's very nice for you to have over six thousand acres in the Karazinsky district, and such muscles, and the freshness of a girl of twelve; still you'll be one of us one day. Yes, as to your question, there is no change, but it's a pity you've been away so long.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, why so?&#8221; Levin queried, panic-stricken.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, nothing,&#8221; responded Oblonsky. &#8220;We'll talk it over. But what's brought you up to town?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, we'll talk about that, too, later on,&#8221; said Levin, reddening again up to his ears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right. I see,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch. &#8220;I should ask you to come to us, you know, but my wife's not quite the thing. But I tell you what; if you want to see them, they're sure now to be at the Zoological Gardens from four to five. Kitty skates. You drive along there, and I'll come and fetch you, and we'll go and dine somewhere together.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Capital. So good-bye till then.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now mind, you'll forget, I know you, or rush off home to the country!&#8221; Stepan Arkadyevitch called out laughing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, truly!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Levin went out of the room, only when he was in the doorway remembering that he had forgotten to take leave of Oblonsky's colleagues.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That gentleman must be a man of great energy,&#8221; said Grinevitch, when Levin had gone away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, my dear boy,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, nodding his head, &#8220;he's a lucky fellow! Over six thousand acres in the Karazinsky district; everything before him; and what youth and vigor! Not like some of us.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have a great deal to complain of, haven't you, Stepan Arkadyevitch?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, yes, I'm in a poor way, a bad way,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch with a heavy sigh.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 6&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When Oblonsky asked Levin what had brought him to town, Levin blushed, and was furious with himself for blushing, because he could not answer, &#8220;I have come to make your sister-in-law an offer,&#8221; though that was precisely what he had come for.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The families of the Levins and the Shtcherbatskys were old, noble Moscow families, and had always been on intimate and friendly terms. This intimacy had grown still closer during Levin's student days. He had both prepared for the university with the young Prince Shtcherbatsky, the brother of Kitty and Dolly, and had entered at the same time with him. In those days Levin used often to be in the Shtcherbatskys' house, and he was in love with the Shtcherbatsky household. Strange as it may appear, it was with the household, the family, that Konstantin Levin was in love, especially with the feminine half of the household. Levin did not remember his own mother, and his only sister was older than he was, so that it was in the Shtcherbatskys' house that he saw for the first time that inner life of an old, noble, cultivated, and honorable family of which he had been deprived by the death of his father and mother. All the members of that family, especially the feminine half, were pictured by him, as it were, wrapped about with a mysterious poetical veil, and he not only perceived no defects whatever in them, but under the poetical veil that shrouded them he assumed the existence of the loftiest sentiments and every possible perfection. Why it was the three young ladies had one day to speak French, and the next English; why it was that at certain hours they played by turns on the piano, the sounds of which were audible in their brother's room above, where the students used to work; why they were visited by those professors of French literature, of music, of drawing, of dancing; why at certain hours all the three young ladies, with Mademoiselle Linon, drove in the coach to the Tversky boulevard, dressed in their satin cloaks, Dolly in a long one, Natalia in a half-long one, and Kitty in one so short that her shapely legs in tightly-drawn red stockings were visible to all beholders; why it was they had to walk about the Tversky boulevard escorted by a footman with a gold cockade in his hat&#8212;all this and much more that was done in their mysterious world he did not understand, but he was sure that everything that was done there was very good, and he was in love precisely with the mystery of the proceedings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In his student days he had all but been in love with the eldest, Dolly, but she was soon married to Oblonsky. Then he began being in love with the second. He felt, as it were, that he had to be in love with one of the sisters, only he could not quite make out which. But Natalia, too, had hardly made her appearance in the world when she married the diplomat Lvov. Kitty was still a child when Levin left the university. Young Shtcherbatsky went into the navy, was drowned in the Baltic, and Levin's relations with the Shtcherbatskys, in spite of his friendship with Oblonsky, became less intimate. But when early in the winter of this year Levin came to Moscow, after a year in the country, and saw the Shtcherbatskys, he realized which of the three sisters he was indeed destined to love.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
One would have thought that nothing could be simpler than for him, a man of good family, rather rich than poor, and thirty-two years old, to make the young Princess Shtcherbatskaya an offer of marriage; in all likelihood he would at once have been looked upon as a good match. But Levin was in love, and so it seemed to him that Kitty was so perfect in every respect that she was a creature far above everything earthly; and that he was a creature so low and so earthly that it could not even be conceived that other people and she herself could regard him as worthy of her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After spending two months in Moscow in a state of enchantment, seeing Kitty almost every day in society, into which he went so as to meet her, he abruptly decided that it could not be, and went back to the country.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin's conviction that it could not be was founded on the idea that in the eyes of her family he was a disadvantageous and worthless match for the charming Kitty, and that Kitty herself could not love him. In her family's eyes he had no ordinary, definite career and position in society, while his contemporaries by this time, when he was thirty-two, were already, one a colonel, and another a professor, another director of a bank and railways, or president of a board like Oblonsky. But he (he knew very well how he must appear to others) was a country gentleman, occupied in breeding cattle, shooting game, and building barns; in other words, a fellow of no ability, who had not turned out well, and who was doing just what, according to the ideas of the world, is done by people fit for nothing else.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The mysterious, enchanting Kitty herself could not love such an ugly person as he conceived himself to be, and, above all, such an ordinary, in no way striking person. Moreover, his attitude to Kitty in the past&#8212;the attitude of a grown-up person to a child, arising from his friendship with her brother&#8212;seemed to him yet another obstacle to love. An ugly, good-natured man, as he considered himself, might, he supposed, be liked as a friend; but to be loved with such a love as that with which he loved Kitty, one would need to be a handsome and, still more, a distinguished man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had heard that women often did care for ugly and ordinary men, but he did not believe it, for he judged by himself, and he could not himself have loved any but beautiful, mysterious, and exceptional women.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But after spending two months alone in the country, he was convinced that this was not one of those passions of which he had had experience in his early youth; that this feeling gave him not an instant's rest; that he could not live without deciding the question, would she or would she not be his wife, and that his despair had arisen only from his own imaginings, that he had no sort of proof that he would be rejected. And he had now come to Moscow with a firm determination to make an offer, and get married if he were accepted. Or ... he could not conceive what would become of him if he were rejected.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 7&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;On arriving in Moscow by a morning train, Levin had put up at the house of his elder half-brother, Koznishev. After changing his clothes he went down to his brother's study, intending to talk to him at once about the object of his visit, and to ask his advice; but his brother was not alone. With him there was a well-known professor of philosophy, who had come from Harkov expressly to clear up a difference that had arisen between them on a very important philosophical question. The professor was carrying on a hot crusade against materialists. Sergey Koznishev had been following this crusade with interest, and after reading the professor's last article, he had written him a letter stating his objections. He accused the professor of making too great concessions to the materialists. And the professor had promptly appeared to argue the matter out. The point in discussion was the question then in vogue: Is there a line to be drawn between psychological and physiological phenomena in man? and if so, where?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sergey Ivanovitch met his brother with the smile of chilly friendliness he always had for everyone, and introducing him to the professor, went on with the conversation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A little man in spectacles, with a narrow forehead, tore himself from the discussion for an instant to greet Levin, and then went on talking without paying any further attention to him. Levin sat down to wait till the professor should go, but he soon began to get interested in the subject under discussion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin had come across the magazine articles about which they were disputing, and had read them, interested in them as a development of the first principles of science, familiar to him as a natural science student at the university. But he had never connected these scientific deductions as to the origin of man as an animal, as to reflex action, biology, and sociology, with those questions as to the meaning of life and death to himself, which had of late been more and more often in his mind.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As he listened to his brother's argument with the professor, he noticed that they connected these scientific questions with those spiritual problems, that at times they almost touched on the latter; but every time they were close upon what seemed to him the chief point, they promptly beat a hasty retreat, and plunged again into a sea of subtle distinctions, reservations, quotations, allusions, and appeals to authorities, and it was with difficulty that he understood what they were talking about.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I cannot admit it,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch, with his habitual clearness, precision of expression, and elegance of phrase. &#8220;I cannot in any case agree with Keiss that my whole conception of the external world has been derived from perceptions. The most fundamental idea, the idea of existence, has not been received by me through sensation; indeed, there is no special sense-organ for the transmission of such an idea.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but they&#8212;Wurt, and Knaust, and Pripasov&#8212;would answer that your consciousness of existence is derived from the conjunction of all your sensations, that that consciousness of existence is the result of your sensations. Wurt, indeed, says plainly that, assuming there are no sensations, it follows that there is no idea of existence.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I maintain the contrary,&#8221; began Sergey Ivanovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But here it seemed to Levin that just as they were close upon the real point of the matter, they were again retreating, and he made up his mind to put a question to the professor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;According to that, if my senses are annihilated, if my body is dead, I can have no existence of any sort?&#8221; he queried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The professor, in annoyance, and, as it were, mental suffering at the interruption, looked round at the strange inquirer, more like a bargeman than a philosopher, and turned his eyes upon Sergey Ivanovitch, as though to ask: What's one to say to him? But Sergey Ivanovitch, who had been talking with far less heat and one-sidedness than the professor, and who had sufficient breadth of mind to answer the professor, and at the same time to comprehend the simple and natural point of view from which the question was put, smiled and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That question we have no right to answer as yet.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We have not the requisite data,&#8221; chimed in the professor, and he went back to his argument. &#8220;No,&#8221; he said; &#8220;I would point out the fact that if, as Pripasov directly asserts, perception is based on sensation, then we are bound to distinguish sharply between these two conceptions.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin listened no more, and simply waited for the professor to go.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 8&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When the professor had gone, Sergey Ivanovitch turned to his brother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Delighted that you've come. For some time, is it? How's your farming getting on?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin knew that his elder brother took little interest in farming, and only put the question in deference to him, and so he only told him about the sale of his wheat and money matters.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin had meant to tell his brother of his determination to get married, and to ask his advice; he had indeed firmly resolved to do so. But after seeing his brother, listening to his conversation with the professor, hearing afterwards the unconsciously patronizing tone in which his brother questioned him about agricultural matters (their mother's property had not been divided, and Levin took charge of both their shares), Levin felt that he could not for some reason begin to talk to him of his intention of marrying. He felt that his brother would not look at it as he would have wished him to.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, how is your district council doing?&#8221; asked Sergey Ivanovitch, who was greatly interested in these local boards and attached great importance to them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I really don't know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What! Why, surely you're a member of the board?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I'm not a member now; I've resigned,&#8221; answered Levin, &#8220;and I no longer attend the meetings.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a pity!&#8221; commented Sergey Ivanovitch, frowning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin in self-defense began to describe what took place in the meetings in his district.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's how it always is!&#8221; Sergey Ivanovitch interrupted him. &#8220;We Russians are always like that. Perhaps it's our strong point, really, the faculty of seeing our own shortcomings; but we overdo it, we comfort ourselves with irony which we always have on the tip of our tongues. All I say is, give such rights as our local self-government to any other European people&#8212;why, the Germans or the English would have worked their way to freedom from them, while we simply turn them into ridicule.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But how can it be helped?&#8221; said Levin penitently. &#8220;It was my last effort. And I did try with all my soul. I can't. I'm no good at it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not that you're no good at it,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch; &#8220;it is that you don't look at it as you should.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps not,&#8221; Levin answered dejectedly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh! do you know brother Nikolay's turned up again?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This brother Nikolay was the elder brother of Konstantin Levin, and half-brother of Sergey Ivanovitch; a man utterly ruined, who had dissipated the greater part of his fortune, was living in the strangest and lowest company, and had quarreled with his brothers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What did you say?&#8221; Levin cried with horror. &#8220;How do you know?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Prokofy saw him in the street.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here in Moscow? Where is he? Do you know?&#8221; Levin got up from his chair, as though on the point of starting off at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am sorry I told you,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch, shaking his head at his younger brother's excitement. &#8220;I sent to find out where he is living, and sent him his IOU to Trubin, which I paid. This is the answer he sent me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Sergey Ivanovitch took a note from under a paper-weight and handed it to his brother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin read in the queer, familiar handwriting: &#8220;I humbly beg you to leave me in peace. That's the only favor I ask of my gracious brothers.&#8212;Nikolay Levin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin read it, and without raising his head stood with the note in his hands opposite Sergey Ivanovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was a struggle in his heart between the desire to forget his unhappy brother for the time, and the consciousness that it would be base to do so.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He obviously wants to offend me,&#8221; pursued Sergey Ivanovitch; &#8220;but he cannot offend me, and I should have wished with all my heart to assist him, but I know it's impossible to do that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes,&#8221; repeated Levin. &#8220;I understand and appreciate your attitude to him; but I shall go and see him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you want to, do; but I shouldn't advise it,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch. &#8220;As regards myself, I have no fear of your doing so; he will not make you quarrel with me; but for your own sake, I should say you would do better not to go. You can't do him any good; still, do as you please.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very likely I can't do any good, but I feel&#8212;especially at such a moment&#8212;but that's another thing&#8212;I feel I could not be at peace.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, that I don't understand,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch. &#8220;One thing I do understand,&#8221; he added; &#8220;it's a lesson in humility. I have come to look very differently and more charitably on what is called infamous since brother Nikolay has become what he is ... you know what he did....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, it's awful, awful!&#8221; repeated Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After obtaining his brother's address from Sergey Ivanovitch's footman, Levin was on the point of setting off at once to see him, but on second thought he decided to put off his visit till the evening. The first thing to do to set his heart at rest was to accomplish what he had come to Moscow for. From his brother's Levin went to Oblonsky's office, and on getting news of the Shtcherbatskys from him, he drove to the place where he had been told he might find Kitty.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 9&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;At four o'clock, conscious of his throbbing heart, Levin stepped out of a hired sledge at the Zoological Gardens, and turned along the path to the frozen mounds and the skating ground, knowing that he would certainly find her there, as he had seen the Shtcherbatskys' carriage at the entrance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a bright, frosty day. Rows of carriages, sledges, drivers, and policemen were standing in the approach. Crowds of well-dressed people, with hats bright in the sun, swarmed about the entrance and along the well-swept little paths between the little houses adorned with carving in the Russian style. The old curly birches of the gardens, all their twigs laden with snow, looked as though freshly decked in sacred vestments.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He walked along the path towards the skating-ground, and kept saying to himself&#8212;&#8220;You mustn't be excited, you must be calm. What's the matter with you? What do you want? Be quiet, stupid,&#8221; he conjured his heart. And the more he tried to compose himself, the more breathless he found himself. An acquaintance met him and called him by his name, but Levin did not even recognize him. He went towards the mounds, whence came the clank of the chains of sledges as they slipped down or were dragged up, the rumble of the sliding sledges, and the sounds of merry voices. He walked on a few steps, and the skating-ground lay open before his eyes, and at once, amidst all the skaters, he knew her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He knew she was there by the rapture and the terror that seized on his heart. She was standing talking to a lady at the opposite end of the ground. There was apparently nothing striking either in her dress or her attitude. But for Levin she was as easy to find in that crowd as a rose among nettles. Everything was made bright by her. She was the smile that shed light on all round her. &#8220;Is it possible I can go over there on the ice, go up to her?&#8221; he thought. The place where she stood seemed to him a holy shrine, unapproachable, and there was one moment when he was almost retreating, so overwhelmed was he with terror. He had to make an effort to master himself, and to remind himself that people of all sorts were moving about her, and that he too might come there to skate. He walked down, for a long while avoiding looking at her as at the sun, but seeing her, as one does the sun, without looking.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On that day of the week and at that time of day people of one set, all acquainted with one another, used to meet on the ice. There were crack skaters there, showing off their skill, and learners clinging to chairs with timid, awkward movements, boys, and elderly people skating with hygienic motives. They seemed to Levin an elect band of blissful beings because they were here, near her. All the skaters, it seemed, with perfect self-possession, skated towards her, skated by her, even spoke to her, and were happy, quite apart from her, enjoying the capital ice and the fine weather.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nikolay Shtcherbatsky, Kitty's cousin, in a short jacket and tight trousers, was sitting on a garden seat with his skates on. Seeing Levin, he shouted to him:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, the first skater in Russia! Been here long? First-rate ice&#8212;do put your skates on.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I haven't got my skates,&#8221; Levin answered, marveling at this boldness and ease in her presence, and not for one second losing sight of her, though he did not look at her. He felt as though the sun were coming near him. She was in a corner, and turning out her slender feet in their high boots with obvious timidity, she skated towards him. A boy in Russian dress, desperately waving his arms and bowed down to the ground, overtook her. She skated a little uncertainly; taking her hands out of the little muff that hung on a cord, she held them ready for emergency, and looking towards Levin, whom she had recognized, she smiled at him, and at her own fears. When she had got round the turn, she gave herself a push off with one foot, and skated straight up to Shtcherbatsky. Clutching at his arm, she nodded smiling to Levin. She was more splendid than he had imagined her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When he thought of her, he could call up a vivid picture of her to himself, especially the charm of that little fair head, so freely set on the shapely girlish shoulders, and so full of childish brightness and good humor. The childishness of her expression, together with the delicate beauty of her figure, made up her special charm, and that he fully realized. But what always struck him in her as something unlooked for, was the expression of her eyes, soft, serene, and truthful, and above all, her smile, which always transported Levin to an enchanted world, where he felt himself softened and tender, as he remembered himself in some days of his early childhood.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you been here long?&#8221; she said, giving him her hand. &#8220;Thank you,&#8221; she added, as he picked up the handkerchief that had fallen out of her muff.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I? I've not long ... yesterday ... I mean today ... I arrived,&#8221; answered Levin, in his emotion not at once understanding her question. &#8220;I was meaning to come and see you,&#8221; he said; and then, recollecting with what intention he was trying to see her, he was promptly overcome with confusion and blushed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I didn't know you could skate, and skate so well.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She looked at him earnestly, as though wishing to make out the cause of his confusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your praise is worth having. The tradition is kept up here that you are the best of skaters,&#8221; she said, with her little black-gloved hand brushing a grain of hoarfrost off her muff.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I used once to skate with passion; I wanted to reach perfection.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You do everything with passion, I think,&#8221; she said smiling. &#8220;I should so like to see how you skate. Put on skates, and let us skate together.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Skate together! Can that be possible?&#8221; thought Levin, gazing at her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll put them on directly,&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he went off to get skates.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's a long while since we've seen you here, sir,&#8221; said the attendant, supporting his foot, and screwing on the heel of the skate. &#8220;Except you, there's none of the gentlemen first-rate skaters. Will that be all right?&#8221; said he, tightening the strap.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, yes; make haste, please,&#8221; answered Levin, with difficulty restraining the smile of rapture which would overspread his face. &#8220;Yes,&#8221; he thought, &#8220;this now is life, this is happiness!&lt;i&gt;Together&lt;/i&gt;, she said; &lt;i&gt;let us skate together&lt;/i&gt;! Speak to her now? But that's just why I'm afraid to speak&#8212;because I'm happy now, happy in hope, anyway.... And then?... But I must! I must! I must! Away with weakness!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin rose to his feet, took off his overcoat, and scurrying over the rough ice round the hut, came out on the smooth ice and skated without effort, as it were, by simple exercise of will, increasing and slackening speed and turning his course. He approached with timidity, but again her smile reassured him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She gave him her hand, and they set off side by side, going faster and faster, and the more rapidly they moved the more tightly she grasped his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;With you I should soon learn; I somehow feel confidence in you,&#8221; she said to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I have confidence in myself when you are leaning on me,&#8221; he said, but was at once panic-stricken at what he had said, and blushed. And indeed, no sooner had he uttered these words, when all at once, like the sun going behind a cloud, her face lost all its friendliness, and Levin detected the familiar change in her expression that denoted the working of thought; a crease showed on her smooth brow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is there anything troubling you?&#8212;though I've no right to ask such a question,&#8221; he added hurriedly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, why so?... No, I have nothing to trouble me,&#8221; she responded coldly; and she added immediately: &#8220;You haven't seen Mlle. Linon, have you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not yet.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go and speak to her, she likes you so much.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's wrong? I have offended her. Lord help me!&#8221; thought Levin, and he flew towards the old Frenchwoman with the gray ringlets, who was sitting on a bench. Smiling and showing her false teeth, she greeted him as an old friend.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, you see we're growing up,&#8221; she said to him, glancing towards Kitty, &#8220;and growing old. &lt;i&gt;Tiny bear&lt;/i&gt; has grown big now!&#8221; pursued the Frenchwoman, laughing, and she reminded him of his joke about the three young ladies whom he had compared to the three bears in the English nursery tale. &#8220;Do you remember that's what you used to call them?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He remembered absolutely nothing, but she had been laughing at the joke for ten years now, and was fond of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now, go and skate, go and skate. Our Kitty has learned to skate nicely, hasn't she?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Levin darted up to Kitty her face was no longer stern; her eyes looked at him with the same sincerity and friendliness, but Levin fancied that in her friendliness there was a certain note of deliberate composure. And he felt depressed. After talking a little of her old governess and her peculiarities, she questioned him about his life.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Surely you must be dull in the country in the winter, aren't you?&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I'm not dull, I am very busy,&#8221; he said, feeling that she was holding him in check by her composed tone, which he would not have the force to break through, just as it had been at the beginning of the winter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you going to stay in town long?&#8221; Kitty questioned him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know,&#8221; he answered, not thinking of what he was saying. The thought that if he were held in check by her tone of quiet friendliness he would end by going back again without deciding anything came into his mind, and he resolved to make a struggle against it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How is it you don't know?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know. It depends upon you,&#8221; he said, and was immediately horror-stricken at his own words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Whether it was that she had heard his words, or that she did not want to hear them, she made a sort of stumble, twice struck out, and hurriedly skated away from him. She skated up to Mlle. Linon, said something to her, and went towards the pavilion where the ladies took off their skates.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My God! what have I done! Merciful God! help me, guide me,&#8221; said Levin, praying inwardly, and at the same time, feeling a need of violent exercise, he skated about describing inner and outer circles.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that moment one of the young men, the best of the skaters of the day, came out of the coffee-house in his skates, with a cigarette in his mouth. Taking a run, he dashed down the steps in his skates, crashing and bounding up and down. He flew down, and without even changing the position of his hands, skated away over the ice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, that's a new trick!&#8221; said Levin, and he promptly ran up to the top to do this new trick.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't break your neck! it needs practice!&#8221; Nikolay Shtcherbatsky shouted after him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin went to the steps, took a run from above as best he could, and dashed down, preserving his balance in this unwonted movement with his hands. On the last step he stumbled, but barely touching the ice with his hand, with a violent effort recovered himself, and skated off, laughing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How splendid, how nice he is!&#8221; Kitty was thinking at that time, as she came out of the pavilion with Mlle. Linon, and looked towards him with a smile of quiet affection, as though he were a favorite brother. &#8220;And can it be my fault, can I have done anything wrong? They talk of flirtation. I know it's not he that I love; but still I am happy with him, and he's so jolly. Only, why did he say that?...&#8221; she mused.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Catching sight of Kitty going away, and her mother meeting her at the steps, Levin, flushed from his rapid exercise, stood still and pondered a minute. He took off his skates, and overtook the mother and daughter at the entrance of the gardens.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Delighted to see you,&#8221; said Princess Shtcherbatskaya. &#8220;On Thursdays we are home, as always.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Today, then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We shall be pleased to see you,&#8221; the princess said stiffly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This stiffness hurt Kitty, and she could not resist the desire to smooth over her mother's coldness. She turned her head, and with a smile said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-bye till this evening.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that moment Stepan Arkadyevitch, his hat cocked on one side, with beaming face and eyes, strode into the garden like a conquering hero. But as he approached his mother-in-law, he responded in a mournful and crestfallen tone to her inquiries about Dolly's health. After a little subdued and dejected conversation with his mother-in-law, he threw out his chest again, and put his arm in Levin's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, shall we set off?&#8221; he asked. &#8220;I've been thinking about you all this time, and I'm very, very glad you've come,&#8221; he said, looking him in the face with a significant air.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, come along,&#8221; answered Levin in ecstasy, hearing unceasingly the sound of that voice saying, &#8220;Good-bye till this evening,&#8221; and seeing the smile with which it was said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To the England or the Hermitage?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't mind which.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right, then, the England,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, selecting that restaurant because he owed more there than at the Hermitage, and consequently considered it mean to avoid it. &#8220;Have you got a sledge? That's first-rate, for I sent my carriage home.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The friends hardly spoke all the way. Levin was wondering what that change in Kitty's expression had meant, and alternately assuring himself that there was hope, and falling into despair, seeing clearly that his hopes were insane, and yet all the while he felt himself quite another man, utterly unlike what he had been before her smile and those words, &#8220;Good-bye till this evening.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch was absorbed during the drive in composing the menu of the dinner.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You like turbot, don't you?&#8221; he said to Levin as they were arriving.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Eh?&#8221; responded Levin. &#8220;Turbot? Yes, I'm &lt;i&gt;awfully&lt;/i&gt; fond of turbot.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 10&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When Levin went into the restaurant with Oblonsky, he could not help noticing a certain peculiarity of expression, as it were, a restrained radiance, about the face and whole figure of Stepan Arkadyevitch. Oblonsky took off his overcoat, and with his hat over one ear walked into the dining-room, giving directions to the Tatar waiters, who were clustered about him in evening coats, bearing napkins. Bowing to right and left to the people he met, and here as everywhere joyously greeting acquaintances, he went up to the sideboard for a preliminary appetizer of fish and vodka, and said to the painted Frenchwoman decked in ribbons, lace, and ringlets, behind the counter, something so amusing that even that Frenchwoman was moved to genuine laughter. Levin for his part refrained from taking any vodka simply because he felt such a loathing of that Frenchwoman, all made up, it seemed, of false hair, &lt;i&gt;poudre de riz&lt;/i&gt;, and &lt;i&gt;vinaigre de toilette&lt;/i&gt;. He made haste to move away from her, as from a dirty place. His whole soul was filled with memories of Kitty, and there was a smile of triumph and happiness shining in his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This way, your excellency, please. Your excellency won't be disturbed here,&#8221; said a particularly pertinacious, white-headed old Tatar with immense hips and coat-tails gaping widely behind. &#8220;Walk in, your excellency,&#8221; he said to Levin; by way of showing his respect to Stepan Arkadyevitch, being attentive to his guest as well.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Instantly flinging a fresh cloth over the round table under the bronze chandelier, though it already had a table cloth on it, he pushed up velvet chairs, and came to a standstill before Stepan Arkadyevitch with a napkin and a bill of fare in his hands, awaiting his commands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you prefer it, your excellency, a private room will be free directly; Prince Golistin with a lady. Fresh oysters have come in.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! oysters.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch became thoughtful.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How if we were to change our program, Levin?&#8221; he said, keeping his finger on the bill of fare. And his face expressed serious hesitation. &#8220;Are the oysters good? Mind now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They're Flensburg, your excellency. We've no Ostend.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Flensburg will do, but are they fresh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Only arrived yesterday.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, then, how if we were to begin with oysters, and so change the whole program? Eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's all the same to me. I should like cabbage soup and porridge better than anything; but of course there's nothing like that here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Porridge &#224; la Russe&lt;/i&gt;, your honor would like?&#8221; said the Tatar, bending down to Levin, like a nurse speaking to a child.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, joking apart, whatever you choose is sure to be good. I've been skating, and I'm hungry. And don't imagine,&#8221; he added, detecting a look of dissatisfaction on Oblonsky's face, &#8220;that I shan't appreciate your choice. I am fond of good things.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should hope so! After all, it's one of the pleasures of life,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch. &#8220;Well, then, my friend, you give us two&#8212;or better say three&#8212;dozen oysters, clear soup with vegetables....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Printani&#232;re,&#8221; prompted the Tatar. But Stepan Arkadyevitch apparently did not care to allow him the satisfaction of giving the French names of the dishes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;With vegetables in it, you know. Then turbot with thick sauce, then ... roast beef; and mind it's good. Yes, and capons, perhaps, and then sweets.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Tatar, recollecting that it was Stepan Arkadyevitch's way not to call the dishes by the names in the French bill of fare, did not repeat them after him, but could not resist rehearsing the whole menu to himself according to the bill:&#8212;&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Soupe printani&#232;re, turbot, sauce Beaumarchais, poulard &#224; l'estragon, mac&#233;doine de fruits&lt;/i&gt; ... etc.,&#8221; and then instantly, as though worked by springs, laying down one bound bill of fare, he took up another, the list of wines, and submitted it to Stepan Arkadyevitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What shall we drink?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What you like, only not too much. Champagne,&#8221; said Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What! to start with? You're right though, I dare say. Do you like the white seal?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Cachet blanc,&#8221; prompted the Tatar.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well, then, give us that brand with the oysters, and then we'll see.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, sir. And what table wine?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You can give us Nuits. Oh, no, better the classic Chablis.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, sir. And &lt;i&gt;your&lt;/i&gt; cheese, your excellency?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, Parmesan. Or would you like another?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, it's all the same to me,&#8221; said Levin, unable to suppress a smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the Tatar ran off with flying coat-tails, and in five minutes darted in with a dish of opened oysters on mother-of-pearl shells, and a bottle between his fingers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch crushed the starchy napkin, tucked it into his waistcoat, and settling his arms comfortably, started on the oysters.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not bad,&#8221; he said, stripping the oysters from the pearly shell with a silver fork, and swallowing them one after another. &#8220;Not bad,&#8221; he repeated, turning his dewy, brilliant eyes from Levin to the Tatar.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin ate the oysters indeed, though white bread and cheese would have pleased him better. But he was admiring Oblonsky. Even the Tatar, uncorking the bottle and pouring the sparkling wine into the delicate glasses, glanced at Stepan Arkadyevitch, and settled his white cravat with a perceptible smile of satisfaction.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't care much for oysters, do you?&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, emptying his wine-glass, &#8220;or you're worried about something. Eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He wanted Levin to be in good spirits. But it was not that Levin was not in good spirits; he was ill at ease. With what he had in his soul, he felt sore and uncomfortable in the restaurant, in the midst of private rooms where men were dining with ladies, in all this fuss and bustle; the surroundings of bronzes, looking-glasses, gas, and waiters&#8212;all of it was offensive to him. He was afraid of sullying what his soul was brimful of.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I? Yes, I am; but besides, all this bothers me,&#8221; he said. &#8220;You can't conceive how queer it all seems to a country person like me, as queer as that gentleman's nails I saw at your place....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I saw how much interested you were in poor Grinevitch's nails,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, laughing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's too much for me,&#8221; responded Levin. &#8220;Do try, now, and put yourself in my place, take the point of view of a country person. We in the country try to bring our hands into such a state as will be most convenient for working with. So we cut our nails; sometimes we turn up our sleeves. And here people purposely let their nails grow as long as they will, and link on small saucers by way of studs, so that they can do nothing with their hands.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch smiled gaily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, that's just a sign that he has no need to do coarse work. His work is with the mind....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Maybe. But still it's queer to me, just as at this moment it seems queer to me that we country folks try to get our meals over as soon as we can, so as to be ready for our work, while here are we trying to drag out our meal as long as possible, and with that object eating oysters....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, of course,&#8221; objected Stepan Arkadyevitch. &#8220;But that's just the aim of civilization&#8212;to make everything a source of enjoyment.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, if that's its aim, I'd rather be a savage.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And so you are a savage. All you Levins are savages.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin sighed. He remembered his brother Nikolay, and felt ashamed and sore, and he scowled; but Oblonsky began speaking of a subject which at once drew his attention.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I say, are you going tonight to our people, the Shtcherbatskys', I mean?&#8221; he said, his eyes sparkling significantly as he pushed away the empty rough shells, and drew the cheese towards him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I shall certainly go,&#8221; replied Levin; &#8220;though I fancied the princess was not very warm in her invitation.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What nonsense! That's her manner.... Come, boy, the soup!... That's her manner&#8212;grande dame,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch. &#8220;I'm coming, too, but I have to go to the Countess Bonina's rehearsal. Come, isn't it true that you're a savage? How do you explain the sudden way in which you vanished from Moscow? The Shtcherbatskys were continually asking me about you, as though I ought to know. The only thing I know is that you always do what no one else does.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; said Levin, slowly and with emotion, &#8220;you're right. I am a savage. Only, my savageness is not in having gone away, but in coming now. Now I have come....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, what a lucky fellow you are!&#8221; broke in Stepan Arkadyevitch, looking into Levin's eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;I know a gallant steed by tokens sure,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And by his eyes I know a youth in love,'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
declaimed Stepan Arkadyevitch. &#8220;Everything is before you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, is it over for you already?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; not over exactly, but the future is yours, and the present is mine, and the present&#8212;well, it's not all that it might be.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How so?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, things go wrong. But I don't want to talk of myself, and besides I can't explain it all,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch. &#8220;Well, why have you come to Moscow, then?... Hi! take away!&#8221; he called to the Tatar.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You guess?&#8221; responded Levin, his eyes like deep wells of light fixed on Stepan Arkadyevitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I guess, but I can't be the first to talk about it. You can see by that whether I guess right or wrong,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, gazing at Levin with a subtle smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and what have you to say to me?&#8221; said Levin in a quivering voice, feeling that all the muscles of his face were quivering too. &#8220;How do you look at the question?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch slowly emptied his glass of Chablis, never taking his eyes off Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I?&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, &#8220;there's nothing I desire so much as that&#8212;nothing! It would be the best thing that could be.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you're not making a mistake? You know what we're speaking of?&#8221; said Levin, piercing him with his eyes. &#8220;You think it's possible?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think it's possible. Why not possible?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No! do you really think it's possible? No, tell me all you think! Oh, but if ... if refusal's in store for me!... Indeed I feel sure....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why should you think that?&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, smiling at his excitement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It seems so to me sometimes. That will be awful for me, and for her too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well, anyway there's nothing awful in it for a girl. Every girl's proud of an offer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, every girl, but not she.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch smiled. He so well knew that feeling of Levin's, that for him all the girls in the world were divided into two classes: one class&#8212;all the girls in the world except her, and those girls with all sorts of human weaknesses, and very ordinary girls: the other class&#8212;she alone, having no weaknesses of any sort and higher than all humanity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay, take some sauce,&#8221; he said, holding back Levin's hand as it pushed away the sauce.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin obediently helped himself to sauce, but would not let Stepan Arkadyevitch go on with his dinner.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, stop a minute, stop a minute,&#8221; he said. &#8220;You must understand that it's a question of life and death for me. I have never spoken to anyone of this. And there's no one I could speak of it to, except you. You know we're utterly unlike each other, different tastes and views and everything; but I know you're fond of me and understand me, and that's why I like you awfully. But for God's sake, be quite straightforward with me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I tell you what I think,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, smiling. &#8220;But I'll say more: my wife is a wonderful woman....&#8221; Stepan Arkadyevitch sighed, remembering his position with his wife, and, after a moment's silence, resumed&#8212;&#8220;She has a gift of foreseeing things. She sees right through people; but that's not all; she knows what will come to pass, especially in the way of marriages. She foretold, for instance, that Princess Shahovskaya would marry Brenteln. No one would believe it, but it came to pass. And she's on your side.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you mean?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not only that she likes you&#8212;she says that Kitty is certain to be your wife.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At these words Levin's face suddenly lighted up with a smile, a smile not far from tears of emotion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She says that!&#8221; cried Levin. &#8220;I always said she was exquisite, your wife. There, that's enough, enough said about it,&#8221; he said, getting up from his seat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right, but do sit down.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Levin could not sit down. He walked with his firm tread twice up and down the little cage of a room, blinked his eyelids that his tears might not fall, and only then sat down to the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You must understand,&#8221; said he, &#8220;it's not love. I've been in love, but it's not that. It's not my feeling, but a sort of force outside me has taken possession of me. I went away, you see, because I made up my mind that it could never be, you understand, as a happiness that does not come on earth; but I've struggled with myself, I see there's no living without it. And it must be settled.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What did you go away for?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, stop a minute! Ah, the thoughts that come crowding on one! The questions one must ask oneself! Listen. You can't imagine what you've done for me by what you said. I'm so happy that I've become positively hateful; I've forgotten everything. I heard today that my brother Nikolay ... you know, he's here ... I had even forgotten him. It seems to me that he's happy too. It's a sort of madness. But one thing's awful.... Here, you've been married, you know the feeling ... it's awful that we&#8212;old&#8212;with a past ... not of love, but of sins ... are brought all at once so near to a creature pure and innocent; it's loathsome, and that's why one can't help feeling oneself unworthy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well, you've not many sins on your conscience.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alas! all the same,&#8221; said Levin, &#8220;when with loathing I go over my life, I shudder and curse and bitterly regret it.... Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What would you have? The world's made so,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The one comfort is like that prayer, which I always liked: &#8216;Forgive me not according to my unworthiness, but according to Thy loving-kindness.' That's the only way she can forgive me.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 11&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Levin emptied his glass, and they were silent for a while.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's one other thing I ought to tell you. Do you know Vronsky?&#8221; Stepan Arkadyevitch asked Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I don't. Why do you ask?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give us another bottle,&#8221; Stepan Arkadyevitch directed the Tatar, who was filling up their glasses and fidgeting round them just when he was not wanted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why you ought to know Vronsky is that he's one of your rivals.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who's Vronsky?&#8221; said Levin, and his face was suddenly transformed from the look of childlike ecstasy which Oblonsky had just been admiring to an angry and unpleasant expression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Vronsky is one of the sons of Count Kirill Ivanovitch Vronsky, and one of the finest specimens of the gilded youth of Petersburg. I made his acquaintance in Tver when I was there on official business, and he came there for the levy of recruits. Fearfully rich, handsome, great connections, an aide-de-camp, and with all that a very nice, good-natured fellow. But he's more than simply a good-natured fellow, as I've found out here&#8212;he's a cultivated man, too, and very intelligent; he's a man who'll make his mark.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin scowled and was dumb.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, he turned up here soon after you'd gone, and as I can see, he's over head and ears in love with Kitty, and you know that her mother....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me, but I know nothing,&#8221; said Levin, frowning gloomily. And immediately he recollected his brother Nikolay and how hateful he was to have been able to forget him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You wait a bit, wait a bit,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, smiling and touching his hand. &#8220;I've told you what I know, and I repeat that in this delicate and tender matter, as far as one can conjecture, I believe the chances are in your favor.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin dropped back in his chair; his face was pale.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I would advise you to settle the thing as soon as may be,&#8221; pursued Oblonsky, filling up his glass.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, thanks, I can't drink any more,&#8221; said Levin, pushing away his glass. &#8220;I shall be drunk.... Come, tell me how are you getting on?&#8221; he went on, obviously anxious to change the conversation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One word more: in any case I advise you to settle the question soon. Tonight I don't advise you to speak,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch. &#8220;Go round tomorrow morning, make an offer in due form, and God bless you....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, do you still think of coming to me for some shooting? Come next spring, do,&#8221; said Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now his whole soul was full of remorse that he had begun this conversation with Stepan Arkadyevitch. A feeling such as his was profaned by talk of the rivalry of some Petersburg officer, of the suppositions and the counsels of Stepan Arkadyevitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch smiled. He knew what was passing in Levin's soul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll come some day,&#8221; he said. &#8220;But women, my boy, they're the pivot everything turns upon. Things are in a bad way with me, very bad. And it's all through women. Tell me frankly now,&#8221; he pursued, picking up a cigar and keeping one hand on his glass; &#8220;give me your advice.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, what is it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll tell you. Suppose you're married, you love your wife, but you're fascinated by another woman....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me, but I'm absolutely unable to comprehend how ... just as I can't comprehend how I could now, after my dinner, go straight to a baker's shop and steal a roll.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch's eyes sparkled more than usual.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not? A roll will sometimes smell so good one can't resist it.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Himmlisch ist's, wenn ich bezwungen&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt; Meine irdische Begier;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Aber doch wenn's nich gelungen&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt; Hatt' ich auch recht h&#252;bsch Plaisir!&lt;/i&gt;&#8221;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb2&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Himmlisch ist's &#8230; &#8211; It'll be heavenly when I'll have overcome My earthly (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh2&#034;&gt;2&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;As he said this, Stepan Arkadyevitch smiled subtly. Levin, too, could not help smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but joking apart,&#8221; resumed Stepan Arkadyevitch, &#8220;you must understand that the woman is a sweet, gentle loving creature, poor and lonely, and has sacrificed everything. Now, when the thing's done, don't you see, can one possibly cast her off? Even supposing one parts from her, so as not to break up one's family life, still, can one help feeling for her, setting her on her feet, softening her lot?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you must excuse me there. You know to me all women are divided into two classes ... at least no ... truer to say: there are women and there are ... I've never seen exquisite fallen beings, and I never shall see them, but such creatures as that painted Frenchwoman at the counter with the ringlets are vermin to my mind, and all fallen women are the same.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But the Magdalen?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, drop that! Christ would never have said those words if He had known how they would be abused. Of all the Gospel those words are the only ones remembered. However, I'm not saying so much what I think, as what I feel. I have a loathing for fallen women. You're afraid of spiders, and I of these vermin. Most likely you've not made a study of spiders and don't know their character; and so it is with me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's very well for you to talk like that; it's very much like that gentleman in Dickens who used to fling all difficult questions over his right shoulder. But to deny the facts is no answer. What's to be done&#8212;you tell me that, what's to be done? Your wife gets older, while you're full of life. Before you've time to look round, you feel that you can't love your wife with love, however much you may esteem her. And then all at once love turns up, and you're done for, done for,&#8221; Stepan Arkadyevitch said with weary despair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin half smiled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, you're done for,&#8221; resumed Oblonsky. &#8220;But what's to be done?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't steal rolls.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch laughed outright.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, moralist! But you must understand, there are two women; one insists only on her rights, and those rights are your love, which you can't give her; and the other sacrifices everything for you and asks for nothing. What are you to do? How are you to act? There's a fearful tragedy in it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you care for my profession of faith as regards that, I'll tell you that I don't believe there was any tragedy about it. And this is why. To my mind, love ... both the sorts of love, which you remember Plato defines in his Banquet, served as the test of men. Some men only understand one sort, and some only the other. And those who only know the non-platonic love have no need to talk of tragedy. In such love there can be no sort of tragedy. &#8216;I'm much obliged for the gratification, my humble respects'&#8212;that's all the tragedy. And in platonic love there can be no tragedy, because in that love all is clear and pure, because....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that instant Levin recollected his own sins and the inner conflict he had lived through. And he added unexpectedly:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But perhaps you are right. Very likely ... I don't know, I don't know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's this, don't you see,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, &#8220;you're very much all of a piece. That's your strong point and your failing. You have a character that's all of a piece, and you want the whole of life to be of a piece too&#8212;but that's not how it is. You despise public official work because you want the reality to be invariably corresponding all the while with the aim&#8212;and that's not how it is. You want a man's work, too, always to have a defined aim, and love and family life always to be undivided&#8212;and that's not how it is. All the variety, all the charm, all the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin sighed and made no reply. He was thinking of his own affairs, and did not hear Oblonsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And suddenly both of them felt that though they were friends, though they had been dining and drinking together, which should have drawn them closer, yet each was thinking only of his own affairs, and they had nothing to do with one another. Oblonsky had more than once experienced this extreme sense of aloofness, instead of intimacy, coming on after dinner, and he knew what to do in such cases.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bill!&#8221; he called, and he went into the next room where he promptly came across an aide-de-camp of his acquaintance and dropped into conversation with him about an actress and her protector. And at once in the conversation with the aide-de-camp Oblonsky had a sense of relaxation and relief after the conversation with Levin, which always put him to too great a mental and spiritual strain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the Tatar appeared with a bill for twenty-six roubles and odd kopecks, besides a tip for himself, Levin, who would another time have been horrified, like anyone from the country, at his share of fourteen roubles, did not notice it, paid, and set off homewards to dress and go to the Shtcherbatskys' there to decide his fate.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 12&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The young Princess Kitty Shtcherbatskaya was eighteen. It was the first winter that she had been out in the world. Her success in society had been greater than that of either of her elder sisters, and greater even than her mother had anticipated. To say nothing of the young men who danced at the Moscow balls being almost all in love with Kitty, two serious suitors had already this first winter made their appearance: Levin, and immediately after his departure, Count Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin's appearance at the beginning of the winter, his frequent visits, and evident love for Kitty, had led to the first serious conversations between Kitty's parents as to her future, and to disputes between them. The prince was on Levin's side; he said he wished for nothing better for Kitty. The princess for her part, going round the question in the manner peculiar to women, maintained that Kitty was too young, that Levin had done nothing to prove that he had serious intentions, that Kitty felt no great attraction to him, and other side issues; but she did not state the principal point, which was that she looked for a better match for her daughter, and that Levin was not to her liking, and she did not understand him. When Levin had abruptly departed, the princess was delighted, and said to her husband triumphantly: &#8220;You see I was right.&#8221; When Vronsky appeared on the scene, she was still more delighted, confirmed in her opinion that Kitty was to make not simply a good, but a brilliant match.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the mother's eyes there could be no comparison between Vronsky and Levin. She disliked in Levin his strange and uncompromising opinions and his shyness in society, founded, as she supposed, on his pride and his queer sort of life, as she considered it, absorbed in cattle and peasants. She did not very much like it that he, who was in love with her daughter, had kept coming to the house for six weeks, as though he were waiting for something, inspecting, as though he were afraid he might be doing them too great an honor by making an offer, and did not realize that a man, who continually visits at a house where there is a young unmarried girl, is bound to make his intentions clear. And suddenly, without doing so, he disappeared. &#8220;It's as well he's not attractive enough for Kitty to have fallen in love with him,&#8221; thought the mother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky satisfied all the mother's desires. Very wealthy, clever, of aristocratic family, on the highroad to a brilliant career in the army and at court, and a fascinating man. Nothing better could be wished for.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky openly flirted with Kitty at balls, danced with her, and came continually to the house, consequently there could be no doubt of the seriousness of his intentions. But, in spite of that, the mother had spent the whole of that winter in a state of terrible anxiety and agitation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Princess Shtcherbatskaya had herself been married thirty years ago, her aunt arranging the match. Her husband, about whom everything was well known beforehand, had come, looked at his future bride, and been looked at. The matchmaking aunt had ascertained and communicated their mutual impression. That impression had been favorable. Afterwards, on a day fixed beforehand, the expected offer was made to her parents, and accepted. All had passed very simply and easily. So it seemed, at least, to the princess. But over her own daughters she had felt how far from simple and easy is the business, apparently so commonplace, of marrying off one's daughters. The panics that had been lived through, the thoughts that had been brooded over, the money that had been wasted, and the disputes with her husband over marrying the two elder girls, Darya and Natalia! Now, since the youngest had come out, she was going through the same terrors, the same doubts, and still more violent quarrels with her husband than she had over the elder girls. The old prince, like all fathers indeed, was exceedingly punctilious on the score of the honor and reputation of his daughters. He was irrationally jealous over his daughters, especially over Kitty, who was his favorite. At every turn he had scenes with the princess for compromising her daughter. The princess had grown accustomed to this already with her other daughters, but now she felt that there was more ground for the prince's touchiness. She saw that of late years much was changed in the manners of society, that a mother's duties had become still more difficult. She saw that girls of Kitty's age formed some sort of clubs, went to some sort of lectures, mixed freely in men's society; drove about the streets alone, many of them did not curtsey, and, what was the most important thing, all the girls were firmly convinced that to choose their husbands was their own affair, and not their parents'. &#8220;Marriages aren't made nowadays as they used to be,&#8221; was thought and said by all these young girls, and even by their elders. But how marriages were made now, the princess could not learn from anyone. The French fashion&#8212;of the parents arranging their children's future&#8212;was not accepted; it was condemned. The English fashion of the complete independence of girls was also not accepted, and not possible in Russian society. The Russian fashion of matchmaking by the offices of intermediate persons was for some reason considered unseemly; it was ridiculed by everyone, and by the princess herself. But how girls were to be married, and how parents were to marry them, no one knew. Everyone with whom the princess had chanced to discuss the matter said the same thing: &#8220;Mercy on us, it's high time in our day to cast off all that old-fashioned business. It's the young people have to marry; and not their parents; and so we ought to leave the young people to arrange it as they choose.&#8221; It was very easy for anyone to say that who had no daughters, but the princess realized that in the process of getting to know each other, her daughter might fall in love, and fall in love with someone who did not care to marry her or who was quite unfit to be her husband. And, however much it was instilled into the princess that in our times young people ought to arrange their lives for themselves, she was unable to believe it, just as she would have been unable to believe that, at any time whatever, the most suitable playthings for children five years old ought to be loaded pistols. And so the princess was more uneasy over Kitty than she had been over her elder sisters.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now she was afraid that Vronsky might confine himself to simply flirting with her daughter. She saw that her daughter was in love with him, but tried to comfort herself with the thought that he was an honorable man, and would not do this. But at the same time she knew how easy it is, with the freedom of manners of today, to turn a girl's head, and how lightly men generally regard such a crime. The week before, Kitty had told her mother of a conversation she had with Vronsky during a mazurka. This conversation had partly reassured the princess; but perfectly at ease she could not be. Vronsky had told Kitty that both he and his brother were so used to obeying their mother that they never made up their minds to any important undertaking without consulting her. &#8220;And just now, I am impatiently awaiting my mother's arrival from Petersburg, as peculiarly fortunate,&#8221; he told her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty had repeated this without attaching any significance to the words. But her mother saw them in a different light. She knew that the old lady was expected from day to day, that she would be pleased at her son's choice, and she felt it strange that he should not make his offer through fear of vexing his mother. However, she was so anxious for the marriage itself, and still more for relief from her fears, that she believed it was so. Bitter as it was for the princess to see the unhappiness of her eldest daughter, Dolly, on the point of leaving her husband, her anxiety over the decision of her youngest daughter's fate engrossed all her feelings. Today, with Levin's reappearance, a fresh source of anxiety arose. She was afraid that her daughter, who had at one time, as she fancied, a feeling for Levin, might, from extreme sense of honor, refuse Vronsky, and that Levin's arrival might generally complicate and delay the affair so near being concluded.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, has he been here long?&#8221; the princess asked about Levin, as they returned home.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He came today, mamma.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's one thing I want to say....&#8221; began the princess, and from her serious and alert face, Kitty guessed what it would be.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma,&#8221; she said, flushing hotly and turning quickly to her, &#8220;please, please don't say anything about that. I know, I know all about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She wished for what her mother wished for, but the motives of her mother's wishes wounded her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I only want to say that to raise hopes....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma, darling, for goodness' sake, don't talk about it. It's so horrible to talk about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I won't,&#8221; said her mother, seeing the tears in her daughter's eyes; &#8220;but one thing, my love; you promised me you would have no secrets from me. You won't?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never, mamma, none,&#8221; answered Kitty, flushing a little, and looking her mother straight in the face, &#8220;but there's no use in my telling you anything, and I ... I ... if I wanted to, I don't know what to say or how.... I don't know....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, she could not tell an untruth with those eyes,&#8221; thought the mother, smiling at her agitation and happiness. The princess smiled that what was taking place just now in her soul seemed to the poor child so immense and so important.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 13&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;After dinner, and till the beginning of the evening, Kitty was feeling a sensation akin to the sensation of a young man before a battle. Her heart throbbed violently, and her thoughts would not rest on anything.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She felt that this evening, when they would both meet for the first time, would be a turning point in her life. And she was continually picturing them to herself, at one moment each separately, and then both together. When she mused on the past, she dwelt with pleasure, with tenderness, on the memories of her relations with Levin. The memories of childhood and of Levin's friendship with her dead brother gave a special poetic charm to her relations with him. His love for her, of which she felt certain, was flattering and delightful to her; and it was pleasant for her to think of Levin. In her memories of Vronsky there always entered a certain element of awkwardness, though he was in the highest degree well-bred and at ease, as though there were some false note&#8212;not in Vronsky, he was very simple and nice, but in herself, while with Levin she felt perfectly simple and clear. But, on the other hand, directly she thought of the future with Vronsky, there arose before her a perspective of brilliant happiness; with Levin the future seemed misty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When she went upstairs to dress, and looked into the looking-glass, she noticed with joy that it was one of her good days, and that she was in complete possession of all her forces,&#8212;she needed this so for what lay before her: she was conscious of external composure and free grace in her movements.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At half-past seven she had only just gone down into the drawing-room, when the footman announced, &#8220;Konstantin Dmitrievitch Levin.&#8221; The princess was still in her room, and the prince had not come in. &#8220;So it is to be,&#8221; thought Kitty, and all the blood seemed to rush to her heart. She was horrified at her paleness, as she glanced into the looking-glass. At that moment she knew beyond doubt that he had come early on purpose to find her alone and to make her an offer. And only then for the first time the whole thing presented itself in a new, different aspect; only then she realized that the question did not affect her only&#8212;with whom she would be happy, and whom she loved&#8212;but that she would have that moment to wound a man whom she liked. And to wound him cruelly. What for? Because he, dear fellow, loved her, was in love with her. But there was no help for it, so it must be, so it would have to be.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My God! shall I myself really have to say it to him?&#8221; she thought. &#8220;Can I tell him I don't love him? That will be a lie. What am I to say to him? That I love someone else? No, that's impossible. I'm going away, I'm going away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She had reached the door, when she heard his step. &#8220;No! it's not honest. What have I to be afraid of? I have done nothing wrong. What is to be, will be! I'll tell the truth. And with him one can't be ill at ease. Here he is,&#8221; she said to herself, seeing his powerful, shy figure, with his shining eyes fixed on her. She looked straight into his face, as though imploring him to spare her, and gave her hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not time yet; I think I'm too early,&#8221; he said glancing round the empty drawing-room. When he saw that his expectations were realized, that there was nothing to prevent him from speaking, his face became gloomy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no,&#8221; said Kitty, and sat down at the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But this was just what I wanted, to find you alone,&#8221; he began, not sitting down, and not looking at her, so as not to lose courage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma will be down directly. She was very much tired.... Yesterday....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She talked on, not knowing what her lips were uttering, and not taking her supplicating and caressing eyes off him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He glanced at her; she blushed, and ceased speaking.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I told you I did not know whether I should be here long ... that it depended on you....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She dropped her head lower and lower, not knowing herself what answer she should make to what was coming.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That it depended on you,&#8221; he repeated. &#8220;I meant to say ... I meant to say ... I came for this ... to be my wife!&#8221; he brought out, not knowing what he was saying; but feeling that the most terrible thing was said, he stopped short and looked at her....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was breathing heavily, not looking at him. She was feeling ecstasy. Her soul was flooded with happiness. She had never anticipated that the utterance of love would produce such a powerful effect on her. But it lasted only an instant. She remembered Vronsky. She lifted her clear, truthful eyes, and seeing his desperate face, she answered hastily:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That cannot be ... forgive me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A moment ago, and how close she had been to him, of what importance in his life! And how aloof and remote from him she had become now!&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was bound to be so,&#8221; he said, not looking at her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He bowed, and was meaning to retreat.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 14&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But at that very moment the princess came in. There was a look of horror on her face when she saw them alone, and their disturbed faces. Levin bowed to her, and said nothing. Kitty did not speak nor lift her eyes. &#8220;Thank God, she has refused him,&#8221; thought the mother, and her face lighted up with the habitual smile with which she greeted her guests on Thursdays. She sat down and began questioning Levin about his life in the country. He sat down again, waiting for other visitors to arrive, in order to retreat unnoticed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Five minutes later there came in a friend of Kitty's, married the preceding winter, Countess Nordston.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was a thin, sallow, sickly, and nervous woman, with brilliant black eyes. She was fond of Kitty, and her affection for her showed itself, as the affection of married women for girls always does, in the desire to make a match for Kitty after her own ideal of married happiness; she wanted her to marry Vronsky. Levin she had often met at the Shtcherbatskys' early in the winter, and she had always disliked him. Her invariable and favorite pursuit, when they met, consisted in making fun of him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I do like it when he looks down at me from the height of his grandeur, or breaks off his learned conversation with me because I'm a fool, or is condescending to me. I like that so; to see him condescending! I am so glad he can't bear me,&#8221; she used to say of him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was right, for Levin actually could not bear her, and despised her for what she was proud of and regarded as a fine characteristic&#8212;her nervousness, her delicate contempt and indifference for everything coarse and earthly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Countess Nordston and Levin got into that relation with one another not seldom seen in society, when two persons, who remain externally on friendly terms, despise each other to such a degree that they cannot even take each other seriously, and cannot even be offended by each other.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Countess Nordston pounced upon Levin at once.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, Konstantin Dmitrievitch! So you've come back to our corrupt Babylon,&#8221; she said, giving him her tiny, yellow hand, and recalling what he had chanced to say early in the winter, that Moscow was a Babylon. &#8220;Come, is Babylon reformed, or have you degenerated?&#8221; she added, glancing with a simper at Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's very flattering for me, countess, that you remember my words so well,&#8221; responded Levin, who had succeeded in recovering his composure, and at once from habit dropped into his tone of joking hostility to the Countess Nordston. &#8220;They must certainly make a great impression on you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I should think so! I always note them all down. Well, Kitty, have you been skating again?...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And she began talking to Kitty. Awkward as it was for Levin to withdraw now, it would still have been easier for him to perpetrate this awkwardness than to remain all the evening and see Kitty, who glanced at him now and then and avoided his eyes. He was on the point of getting up, when the princess, noticing that he was silent, addressed him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Shall you be long in Moscow? You're busy with the district council, though, aren't you, and can't be away for long?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, princess, I'm no longer a member of the council,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I have come up for a few days.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's something the matter with him,&#8221; thought Countess Nordston, glancing at his stern, serious face. &#8220;He isn't in his old argumentative mood. But I'll draw him out. I do love making a fool of him before Kitty, and I'll do it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Konstantin Dmitrievitch,&#8221; she said to him, &#8220;do explain to me, please, what's the meaning of it. You know all about such things. At home in our village of Kaluga all the peasants and all the women have drunk up all they possessed, and now they can't pay us any rent. What's the meaning of that? You always praise the peasants so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that instant another lady came into the room, and Levin got up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me, countess, but I really know nothing about it, and can't tell you anything,&#8221; he said, and looked round at the officer who came in behind the lady.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That must be Vronsky,&#8221; thought Levin, and, to be sure of it, glanced at Kitty. She had already had time to look at Vronsky, and looked round at Levin. And simply from the look in her eyes, that grew unconsciously brighter, Levin knew that she loved that man, knew it as surely as if she had told him so in words. But what sort of a man was he? Now, whether for good or for ill, Levin could not choose but remain; he must find out what the man was like whom she loved.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There are people who, on meeting a successful rival, no matter in what, are at once disposed to turn their backs on everything good in him, and to see only what is bad. There are people, on the other hand, who desire above all to find in that lucky rival the qualities by which he has outstripped them, and seek with a throbbing ache at heart only what is good. Levin belonged to the second class. But he had no difficulty in finding what was good and attractive in Vronsky. It was apparent at the first glance. Vronsky was a squarely built, dark man, not very tall, with a good-humored, handsome, and exceedingly calm and resolute face. Everything about his face and figure, from his short-cropped black hair and freshly shaven chin down to his loosely fitting, brand-new uniform, was simple and at the same time elegant. Making way for the lady who had come in, Vronsky went up to the princess and then to Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As he approached her, his beautiful eyes shone with a specially tender light, and with a faint, happy, and modestly triumphant smile (so it seemed to Levin), bowing carefully and respectfully over her, he held out his small broad hand to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Greeting and saying a few words to everyone, he sat down without once glancing at Levin, who had never taken his eyes off him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let me introduce you,&#8221; said the princess, indicating Levin. &#8220;Konstantin Dmitrievitch Levin, Count Alexey Kirillovitch Vronsky.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky got up and, looking cordially at Levin, shook hands with him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I believe I was to have dined with you this winter,&#8221; he said, smiling his simple and open smile; &#8220;but you had unexpectedly left for the country.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Konstantin Dmitrievitch despises and hates town and us townspeople,&#8221; said Countess Nordston.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My words must make a deep impression on you, since you remember them so well,&#8221; said Levin, and, suddenly conscious that he had said just the same thing before, he reddened.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky looked at Levin and Countess Nordston, and smiled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you always in the country?&#8221; he inquired. &#8220;I should think it must be dull in the winter.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not dull if one has work to do; besides, one's not dull by oneself,&#8221; Levin replied abruptly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am fond of the country,&#8221; said Vronsky, noticing, and affecting not to notice, Levin's tone.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I hope, count, you would not consent to live in the country always,&#8221; said Countess Nordston.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know; I have never tried for long. I experienced a queer feeling once,&#8221; he went on. &#8220;I never longed so for the country, Russian country, with bast shoes and peasants, as when I was spending a winter with my mother in Nice. Nice itself is dull enough, you know. And indeed, Naples and Sorrento are only pleasant for a short time. And it's just there that Russia comes back to me most vividly, and especially the country. It's as though....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He talked on, addressing both Kitty and Levin, turning his serene, friendly eyes from one to the other, and saying obviously just what came into his head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Noticing that Countess Nordston wanted to say something, he stopped short without finishing what he had begun, and listened attentively to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The conversation did not flag for an instant, so that the princess, who always kept in reserve, in case a subject should be lacking, two heavy guns&#8212;the relative advantages of classical and of modern education, and universal military service&#8212;had not to move out either of them, while Countess Nordston had not a chance of chaffing Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin wanted to, and could not, take part in the general conversation; saying to himself every instant, &#8220;Now go,&#8221; he still did not go, as though waiting for something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The conversation fell upon table-turning and spirits, and Countess Nordston, who believed in spiritualism, began to describe the marvels she had seen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, countess, you really must take me, for pity's sake do take me to see them! I have never seen anything extraordinary, though I am always on the lookout for it everywhere,&#8221; said Vronsky, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well, next Saturday,&#8221; answered Countess Nordston. &#8220;But you, Konstantin Dmitrievitch, do you believe in it?&#8221; she asked Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why do you ask me? You know what I shall say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I want to hear your opinion.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My opinion,&#8221; answered Levin, &#8220;is only that this table-turning simply proves that educated society&#8212;so called&#8212;is no higher than the peasants. They believe in the evil eye, and in witchcraft and omens, while we....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, then you don't believe in it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can't believe in it, countess.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But if I've seen it myself?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The peasant women too tell us they have seen goblins.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then you think I tell a lie?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And she laughed a mirthless laugh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, Masha, Konstantin Dmitrievitch said he could not believe in it,&#8221; said Kitty, blushing for Levin, and Levin saw this, and, still more exasperated, would have answered, but Vronsky with his bright frank smile rushed to the support of the conversation, which was threatening to become disagreeable.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You do not admit the conceivability at all?&#8221; he queried. &#8220;But why not? We admit the existence of electricity, of which we know nothing. Why should there not be some new force, still unknown to us, which....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When electricity was discovered,&#8221; Levin interrupted hurriedly, &#8220;it was only the phenomenon that was discovered, and it was unknown from what it proceeded and what were its effects, and ages passed before its applications were conceived. But the spiritualists have begun with tables writing for them, and spirits appearing to them, and have only later started saying that it is an unknown force.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky listened attentively to Levin, as he always did listen, obviously interested in his words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but the spiritualists say we don't know at present what this force is, but there is a force, and these are the conditions in which it acts. Let the scientific men find out what the force consists in. No, I don't see why there should not be a new force, if it....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, because with electricity,&#8221; Levin interrupted again, &#8220;every time you rub tar against wool, a recognized phenomenon is manifested, but in this case it does not happen every time, and so it follows it is not a natural phenomenon.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Feeling probably that the conversation was taking a tone too serious for a drawing-room, Vronsky made no rejoinder, but by way of trying to change the conversation, he smiled brightly, and turned to the ladies.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do let us try at once, countess,&#8221; he said; but Levin would finish saying what he thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think,&#8221; he went on, &#8220;that this attempt of the spiritualists to explain their marvels as some sort of new natural force is most futile. They boldly talk of spiritual force, and then try to subject it to material experiment.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everyone was waiting for him to finish, and he felt it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And I think you would be a first-rate medium,&#8221; said Countess Nordston; &#8220;there's something enthusiastic in you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin opened his mouth, was about to say something, reddened, and said nothing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do let us try table-turning at once, please,&#8221; said Vronsky. &#8220;Princess, will you allow it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Vronsky stood up, looking for a little table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty got up to fetch a table, and as she passed, her eyes met Levin's. She felt for him with her whole heart, the more because she was pitying him for suffering of which she was herself the cause. &#8220;If you can forgive me, forgive me,&#8221; said her eyes, &#8220;I am so happy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I hate them all, and you, and myself,&#8221; his eyes responded, and he took up his hat. But he was not destined to escape. Just as they were arranging themselves round the table, and Levin was on the point of retiring, the old prince came in, and after greeting the ladies, addressed Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah!&#8221; he began joyously. &#8220;Been here long, my boy? I didn't even know you were in town. Very glad to see you.&#8221; The old prince embraced Levin, and talking to him did not observe Vronsky, who had risen, and was serenely waiting till the prince should turn to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty felt how distasteful her father's warmth was to Levin after what had happened. She saw, too, how coldly her father responded at last to Vronsky's bow, and how Vronsky looked with amiable perplexity at her father, as though trying and failing to understand how and why anyone could be hostilely disposed towards him, and she flushed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Prince, let us have Konstantin Dmitrievitch,&#8221; said Countess Nordston; &#8220;we want to try an experiment.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What experiment? Table-turning? Well, you must excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, but to my mind it is better fun to play the ring game,&#8221; said the old prince, looking at Vronsky, and guessing that it had been his suggestion. &#8220;There's some sense in that, anyway.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky looked wonderingly at the prince with his resolute eyes, and, with a faint smile, began immediately talking to Countess Nordston of the great ball that was to come off next week.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I hope you will be there?&#8221; he said to Kitty. As soon as the old prince turned away from him, Levin went out unnoticed, and the last impression he carried away with him of that evening was the smiling, happy face of Kitty answering Vronsky's inquiry about the ball.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 15&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;At the end of the evening Kitty told her mother of her conversation with Levin, and in spite of all the pity she felt for Levin, she was glad at the thought that she had received an &lt;i&gt;offer&lt;/i&gt;. She had no doubt that she had acted rightly. But after she had gone to bed, for a long while she could not sleep. One impression pursued her relentlessly. It was Levin's face, with his scowling brows, and his kind eyes looking out in dark dejection below them, as he stood listening to her father, and glancing at her and at Vronsky. And she felt so sorry for him that tears came into her eyes. But immediately she thought of the man for whom she had given him up. She vividly recalled his manly, resolute face, his noble self-possession, and the good nature conspicuous in everything towards everyone. She remembered the love for her of the man she loved, and once more all was gladness in her soul, and she lay on the pillow, smiling with happiness. &#8220;I'm sorry, I'm sorry; but what could I do? It's not my fault,&#8221; she said to herself; but an inner voice told her something else. Whether she felt remorse at having won Levin's love, or at having refused him, she did not know. But her happiness was poisoned by doubts. &#8220;Lord, have pity on us; Lord, have pity on us; Lord, have pity on us!&#8221; she repeated to herself, till she fell asleep.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Meanwhile there took place below, in the prince's little library, one of the scenes so often repeated between the parents on account of their favorite daughter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What? I'll tell you what!&#8221; shouted the prince, waving his arms, and at once wrapping his squirrel-lined dressing-gown round him again. &#8220;That you've no pride, no dignity; that you're disgracing, ruining your daughter by this vulgar, stupid matchmaking!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, really, for mercy's sake, prince, what have I done?&#8221; said the princess, almost crying.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She, pleased and happy after her conversation with her daughter, had gone to the prince to say good-night as usual, and though she had no intention of telling him of Levin's offer and Kitty's refusal, still she hinted to her husband that she fancied things were practically settled with Vronsky, and that he would declare himself so soon as his mother arrived. And thereupon, at those words, the prince had all at once flown into a passion, and began to use unseemly language.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What have you done? I'll tell you what. First of all, you're trying to catch an eligible gentleman, and all Moscow will be talking of it, and with good reason. If you have evening parties, invite everyone, don't pick out the possible suitors. Invite all the young bucks. Engage a piano player, and let them dance, and not as you do things nowadays, hunting up good matches. It makes me sick, sick to see it, and you've gone on till you've turned the poor wench's head. Levin's a thousand times the better man. As for this little Petersburg swell, they're turned out by machinery, all on one pattern, and all precious rubbish. But if he were a prince of the blood, my daughter need not run after anyone.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what have I done?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, you've....&#8221; The prince was crying wrathfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know if one were to listen to you,&#8221; interrupted the princess, &#8220;we should never marry our daughter. If it's to be so, we'd better go into the country.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and we had better.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But do wait a minute. Do I try and catch them? I don't try to catch them in the least. A young man, and a very nice one, has fallen in love with her, and she, I fancy....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, you fancy! And how if she really is in love, and he's no more thinking of marriage than I am!... Oh, that I should live to see it! Ah! spiritualism! Ah! Nice! Ah! the ball!&#8221; And the prince, imagining that he was mimicking his wife, made a mincing curtsey at each word. &#8220;And this is how we're preparing wretchedness for Kitty; and she's really got the notion into her head....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what makes you suppose so?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't suppose; I know. We have eyes for such things, though women-folk haven't. I see a man who has serious intentions, that's Levin: and I see a peacock, like this feather-head, who's only amusing himself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well, when once you get an idea into your head!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you'll remember my words, but too late, just as with Dolly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, well, we won't talk of it,&#8221; the princess stopped him, recollecting her unlucky Dolly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;By all means, and good-night!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And signing each other with the cross, the husband and wife parted with a kiss, feeling that they each remained of their own opinion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The princess had at first been quite certain that that evening had settled Kitty's future, and that there could be no doubt of Vronsky's intentions, but her husband's words had disturbed her. And returning to her own room, in terror before the unknown future, she, too, like Kitty, repeated several times in her heart, &#8220;Lord, have pity; Lord, have pity; Lord, have pity.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 16&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Vronsky had never had a real home life. His mother had been in her youth a brilliant society woman, who had had during her married life, and still more afterwards, many love affairs notorious in the whole fashionable world. His father he scarcely remembered, and he had been educated in the Corps of Pages.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Leaving the school very young as a brilliant officer, he had at once got into the circle of wealthy Petersburg army men. Although he did go more or less into Petersburg society, his love affairs had always hitherto been outside it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In Moscow he had for the first time felt, after his luxurious and coarse life at Petersburg, all the charm of intimacy with a sweet and innocent girl of his own rank, who cared for him. It never even entered his head that there could be any harm in his relations with Kitty. At balls he danced principally with her. He was a constant visitor at their house. He talked to her as people commonly do talk in society&#8212;all sorts of nonsense, but nonsense to which he could not help attaching a special meaning in her case. Although he said nothing to her that he could not have said before everybody, he felt that she was becoming more and more dependent upon him, and the more he felt this, the better he liked it, and the tenderer was his feeling for her. He did not know that his mode of behavior in relation to Kitty had a definite character, that it is courting young girls with no intention of marriage, and that such courting is one of the evil actions common among brilliant young men such as he was. It seemed to him that he was the first who had discovered this pleasure, and he was enjoying his discovery.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
If he could have heard what her parents were saying that evening, if he could have put himself at the point of view of the family and have heard that Kitty would be unhappy if he did not marry her, he would have been greatly astonished, and would not have believed it. He could not believe that what gave such great and delicate pleasure to him, and above all to her, could be wrong. Still less could he have believed that he ought to marry.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Marriage had never presented itself to him as a possibility. He not only disliked family life, but a family, and especially a husband was, in accordance with the views general in the bachelor world in which he lived, conceived as something alien, repellant, and, above all, ridiculous.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But though Vronsky had not the least suspicion what the parents were saying, he felt on coming away from the Shtcherbatskys' that the secret spiritual bond which existed between him and Kitty had grown so much stronger that evening that some step must be taken. But what step could and ought to be taken he could not imagine.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is so exquisite,&#8221; he thought, as he returned from the Shtcherbatskys', carrying away with him, as he always did, a delicious feeling of purity and freshness, arising partly from the fact that he had not been smoking for a whole evening, and with it a new feeling of tenderness at her love for him&#8212;&#8220;what is so exquisite is that not a word has been said by me or by her, but we understand each other so well in this unseen language of looks and tones, that this evening more clearly than ever she told me she loves me. And how secretly, simply, and most of all, how trustfully! I feel myself better, purer. I feel that I have a heart, and that there is a great deal of good in me. Those sweet, loving eyes! When she said: &#8216;Indeed I do....'&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what then? Oh, nothing. It's good for me, and good for her.&#8221; And he began wondering where to finish the evening.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He passed in review of the places he might go to. &#8220;Club? a game of bezique, champagne with Ignatov? No, I'm not going in there. &lt;i&gt;Ch&#226;teau des Fleurs&lt;/i&gt;; there I shall find Oblonsky, songs, the cancan. No, I'm sick of it. That's why I like the Shtcherbatskys', that I'm growing better. I'll go home.&#8221; He went straight to his room at Dussots' Hotel, ordered supper, and then undressed, and as soon as his head touched the pillow, fell into a sound sleep.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 17&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Next day at eleven o'clock in the morning Vronsky drove to the station of the Petersburg railway to meet his mother, and the first person he came across on the great flight of steps was Oblonsky, who was expecting his sister by the same train.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! your excellency!&#8221; cried Oblonsky, &#8220;whom are you meeting?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My mother,&#8221; Vronsky responded, smiling, as everyone did who met Oblonsky. He shook hands with him, and together they ascended the steps. &#8220;She is to be here from Petersburg today.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was looking out for you till two o'clock last night. Where did you go after the Shtcherbatskys'?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Home,&#8221; answered Vronsky. &#8220;I must own I felt so well content yesterday after the Shtcherbatskys' that I didn't care to go anywhere.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know a gallant steed by tokens sure,&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And by his eyes I know a youth in love,&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
declaimed Stepan Arkadyevitch, just as he had done before to Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky smiled with a look that seemed to say that he did not deny it, but he promptly changed the subject.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And whom are you meeting?&#8221; he asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I? I've come to meet a pretty woman,&#8221; said Oblonsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't say so!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Honi soit qui mal y pense!&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb3&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Honi soit qui mal y pense! &#8211; shame on he who thinks badly of it!&#034; id=&#034;nh3&#034;&gt;3&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; My sister Anna.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! that's Madame Karenina,&#8221; said Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know her, no doubt?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think I do. Or perhaps not ... I really am not sure,&#8221; Vronsky answered heedlessly, with a vague recollection of something stiff and tedious evoked by the name Karenina.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But Alexey Alexandrovitch, my celebrated brother-in-law, you surely must know. All the world knows him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know him by reputation and by sight. I know that he's clever, learned, religious somewhat.... But you know that's not ... &lt;i&gt;not in my line&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; said Vronsky in English.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, he's a very remarkable man; rather a conservative, but a splendid man,&#8221; observed Stepan Arkadyevitch, &#8220;a splendid man.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well, so much the better for him,&#8221; said Vronsky smiling. &#8220;Oh, you've come,&#8221; he said, addressing a tall old footman of his mother's, standing at the door; &#8220;come here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Besides the charm Oblonsky had in general for everyone, Vronsky had felt of late specially drawn to him by the fact that in his imagination he was associated with Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what do you say? Shall we give a supper on Sunday for the &lt;i&gt;diva&lt;/i&gt;?&#8221; he said to him with a smile, taking his arm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course. I'm collecting subscriptions. Oh, did you make the acquaintance of my friend Levin?&#8221; asked Stepan Arkadyevitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; but he left rather early.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's a capital fellow,&#8221; pursued Oblonsky. &#8220;Isn't he?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know why it is,&#8221; responded Vronsky, &#8220;in all Moscow people&#8212;present company of course excepted,&#8221; he put in jestingly, &#8220;there's something uncompromising. They are all on the defensive, lose their tempers, as though they all want to make one feel something....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that's true, it is so,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, laughing good-humoredly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Will the train soon be in?&#8221; Vronsky asked a railway official.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The train's signaled,&#8221; answered the man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The approach of the train was more and more evident by the preparatory bustle in the station, the rush of porters, the movement of policemen and attendants, and people meeting the train. Through the frosty vapor could be seen workmen in short sheepskins and soft felt boots crossing the rails of the curving line. The hiss of the boiler could be heard on the distant rails, and the rumble of something heavy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, who felt a great inclination to tell Vronsky of Levin's intentions in regard to Kitty. &#8220;No, you've not got a true impression of Levin. He's a very nervous man, and is sometimes out of humor, it's true, but then he is often very nice. He's such a true, honest nature, and a heart of gold. But yesterday there were special reasons,&#8221; pursued Stepan Arkadyevitch, with a meaning smile, totally oblivious of the genuine sympathy he had felt the day before for his friend, and feeling the same sympathy now, only for Vronsky. &#8220;Yes, there were reasons why he could not help being either particularly happy or particularly unhappy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky stood still and asked directly: &#8220;How so? Do you mean he made your &lt;i&gt;belle-s&#339;ur&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb4&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;belle-s&#339;ur &#8211; sister-in-law&#034; id=&#034;nh4&#034;&gt;4&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; an offer yesterday?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Maybe,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch. &#8220;I fancied something of the sort yesterday. Yes, if he went away early, and was out of humor too, it must mean it.... He's been so long in love, and I'm very sorry for him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So that's it! I should imagine, though, she might reckon on a better match,&#8221; said Vronsky, drawing himself up and walking about again, &#8220;though I don't know him, of course,&#8221; he added. &#8220;Yes, that is a hateful position! That's why most fellows prefer to have to do with Klaras. If you don't succeed with them it only proves that you've not enough cash, but in this case one's dignity's at stake. But here's the train.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The engine had already whistled in the distance. A few instants later the platform was quivering, and with puffs of steam hanging low in the air from the frost, the engine rolled up, with the lever of the middle wheel rhythmically moving up and down, and the stooping figure of the engine-driver covered with frost. Behind the tender, setting the platform more and more slowly swaying, came the luggage van with a dog whining in it. At last the passenger carriages rolled in, oscillating before coming to a standstill.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A smart guard jumped out, giving a whistle, and after him one by one the impatient passengers began to get down: an officer of the guards, holding himself erect, and looking severely about him; a nimble little merchant with a satchel, smiling gaily; a peasant with a sack over his shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky, standing beside Oblonsky, watched the carriages and the passengers, totally oblivious of his mother. What he had just heard about Kitty excited and delighted him. Unconsciously he arched his chest, and his eyes flashed. He felt himself a conqueror.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Countess Vronskaya is in that compartment,&#8221; said the smart guard, going up to Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The guard's words roused him, and forced him to think of his mother and his approaching meeting with her. He did not in his heart respect his mother, and without acknowledging it to himself, he did not love her, though in accordance with the ideas of the set in which he lived, and with his own education, he could not have conceived of any behavior to his mother not in the highest degree respectful and obedient, and the more externally obedient and respectful his behavior, the less in his heart he respected and loved her.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 18&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Vronsky followed the guard to the carriage, and at the door of the compartment he stopped short to make room for a lady who was getting out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With the insight of a man of the world, from one glance at this lady's appearance Vronsky classified her as belonging to the best society. He begged pardon, and was getting into the carriage, but felt he must glance at her once more; not that she was very beautiful, not on account of the elegance and modest grace which were apparent in her whole figure, but because in the expression of her charming face, as she passed close by him, there was something peculiarly caressing and soft. As he looked round, she too turned her head. Her shining gray eyes, that looked dark from the thick lashes, rested with friendly attention on his face, as though she were recognizing him, and then promptly turned away to the passing crowd, as though seeking someone. In that brief look Vronsky had time to notice the suppressed eagerness which played over her face, and flitted between the brilliant eyes and the faint smile that curved her red lips. It was as though her nature were so brimming over with something that against her will it showed itself now in the flash of her eyes, and now in her smile. Deliberately she shrouded the light in her eyes, but it shone against her will in the faintly perceptible smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky stepped into the carriage. His mother, a dried-up old lady with black eyes and ringlets, screwed up her eyes, scanning her son, and smiled slightly with her thin lips. Getting up from the seat and handing her maid a bag, she gave her little wrinkled hand to her son to kiss, and lifting his head from her hand, kissed him on the cheek.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You got my telegram? Quite well? Thank God.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You had a good journey?&#8221; said her son, sitting down beside her, and involuntarily listening to a woman's voice outside the door. He knew it was the voice of the lady he had met at the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All the same I don't agree with you,&#8221; said the lady's voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's the Petersburg view, madame.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not Petersburg, but simply feminine,&#8221; she responded.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, well, allow me to kiss your hand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-bye, Ivan Petrovitch. And could you see if my brother is here, and send him to me?&#8221; said the lady in the doorway, and stepped back again into the compartment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, have you found your brother?&#8221; said Countess Vronskaya, addressing the lady.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky understood now that this was Madame Karenina.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your brother is here,&#8221; he said, standing up. &#8220;Excuse me, I did not know you, and, indeed, our acquaintance was so slight,&#8221; said Vronsky, bowing, &#8220;that no doubt you do not remember me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no,&#8221; said she, &#8220;I should have known you because your mother and I have been talking, I think, of nothing but you all the way.&#8221; As she spoke she let the eagerness that would insist on coming out show itself in her smile. &#8220;And still no sign of my brother.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do call him, Alexey,&#8221; said the old countess. Vronsky stepped out onto the platform and shouted:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oblonsky! Here!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Karenina, however, did not wait for her brother, but catching sight of him she stepped out with her light, resolute step. And as soon as her brother had reached her, with a gesture that struck Vronsky by its decision and its grace, she flung her left arm around his neck, drew him rapidly to her, and kissed him warmly. Vronsky gazed, never taking his eyes from her, and smiled, he could not have said why. But recollecting that his mother was waiting for him, he went back again into the carriage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's very sweet, isn't she?&#8221; said the countess of Madame Karenina. &#8220;Her husband put her with me, and I was delighted to have her. We've been talking all the way. And so you, I hear ... &lt;i&gt;vous filez le parfait amour. Tant mieux, mon cher, tant mieux&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb5&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;vous filez le parfait amour. Tant mieux, mon cher, tant mieux &#8211; you're (&#8230;)&#034; id=&#034;nh5&#034;&gt;5&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know what you are referring to, maman,&#8221; he answered coldly. &#8220;Come, maman, let us go.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Karenina entered the carriage again to say good-bye to the countess.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, countess, you have met your son, and I my brother,&#8221; she said. &#8220;And all my gossip is exhausted. I should have nothing more to tell you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no,&#8221; said the countess, taking her hand. &#8220;I could go all around the world with you and never be dull. You are one of those delightful women in whose company it's sweet to be silent as well as to talk. Now please don't fret over your son; you can't expect never to be parted.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Karenina stood quite still, holding herself very erect, and her eyes were smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anna Arkadyevna,&#8221; the countess said in explanation to her son, &#8220;has a little son eight years old, I believe, and she has never been parted from him before, and she keeps fretting over leaving him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, the countess and I have been talking all the time, I of my son and she of hers,&#8221; said Madame Karenina, and again a smile lighted up her face, a caressing smile intended for him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am afraid that you must have been dreadfully bored,&#8221; he said, promptly catching the ball of coquetry she had flung him. But apparently she did not care to pursue the conversation in that strain, and she turned to the old countess.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank you so much. The time has passed so quickly. Good-bye, countess.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good-bye, my love,&#8221; answered the countess. &#8220;Let me have a kiss of your pretty face. I speak plainly, at my age, and I tell you simply that I've lost my heart to you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stereotyped as the phrase was, Madame Karenina obviously believed it and was delighted by it. She flushed, bent down slightly, and put her cheek to the countess's lips, drew herself up again, and with the same smile fluttering between her lips and her eyes, she gave her hand to Vronsky. He pressed the little hand she gave him, and was delighted, as though at something special, by the energetic squeeze with which she freely and vigorously shook his hand. She went out with the rapid step which bore her rather fully-developed figure with such strange lightness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very charming,&#8221; said the countess.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That was just what her son was thinking. His eyes followed her till her graceful figure was out of sight, and then the smile remained on his face. He saw out of the window how she went up to her brother, put her arm in his, and began telling him something eagerly, obviously something that had nothing to do with him, Vronsky, and at that he felt annoyed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, maman, are you perfectly well?&#8221; he repeated, turning to his mother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Everything has been delightful. Alexander has been very good, and Marie has grown very pretty. She's very interesting.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And she began telling him again of what interested her most&#8212;the christening of her grandson, for which she had been staying in Petersburg, and the special favor shown her elder son by the Tsar.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here's Lavrenty,&#8221; said Vronsky, looking out of the window; &#8220;now we can go, if you like.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old butler, who had traveled with the countess, came to the carriage to announce that everything was ready, and the countess got up to go.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come; there's not such a crowd now,&#8221; said Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The maid took a handbag and the lap dog, the butler and a porter the other baggage. Vronsky gave his mother his arm; but just as they were getting out of the carriage several men ran suddenly by with panic-stricken faces. The station-master, too, ran by in his extraordinary colored cap. Obviously something unusual had happened. The crowd who had left the train were running back again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What?... What?... Where?... Flung himself!... Crushed!...&#8221; was heard among the crowd. Stepan Arkadyevitch, with his sister on his arm, turned back. They too looked scared, and stopped at the carriage door to avoid the crowd.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The ladies got in, while Vronsky and Stepan Arkadyevitch followed the crowd to find out details of the disaster.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A guard, either drunk or too much muffled up in the bitter frost, had not heard the train moving back, and had been crushed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Before Vronsky and Oblonsky came back the ladies heard the facts from the butler.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Oblonsky and Vronsky had both seen the mutilated corpse. Oblonsky was evidently upset. He frowned and seemed ready to cry.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, how awful! Ah, Anna, if you had seen it! Ah, how awful!&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky did not speak; his handsome face was serious, but perfectly composed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, if you had seen it, countess,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch. &#8220;And his wife was there.... It was awful to see her!... She flung herself on the body. They say he was the only support of an immense family. How awful!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Couldn't one do anything for her?&#8221; said Madame Karenina in an agitated whisper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky glanced at her, and immediately got out of the carriage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll be back directly, maman,&#8221; he remarked, turning round in the doorway.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When he came back a few minutes later, Stepan Arkadyevitch was already in conversation with the countess about the new singer, while the countess was impatiently looking towards the door, waiting for her son.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Now let us be off,&#8221; said Vronsky, coming in. They went out together. Vronsky was in front with his mother. Behind walked Madame Karenina with her brother. Just as they were going out of the station the station-master overtook Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You gave my assistant two hundred roubles. Would you kindly explain for whose benefit you intend them?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For the widow,&#8221; said Vronsky, shrugging his shoulders. &#8220;I should have thought there was no need to ask.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You gave that?&#8221; cried Oblonsky, behind, and, pressing his sister's hand, he added: &#8220;Very nice, very nice! Isn't he a splendid fellow? Good-bye, countess.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he and his sister stood still, looking for her maid.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When they went out the Vronsky's carriage had already driven away. People coming in were still talking of what happened.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a horrible death!&#8221; said a gentleman, passing by. &#8220;They say he was cut in two pieces.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;On the contrary, I think it's the easiest&#8212;instantaneous,&#8221; observed another.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How is it they don't take proper precautions?&#8221; said a third.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Karenina seated herself in the carriage, and Stepan Arkadyevitch saw with surprise that her lips were quivering, and she was with difficulty restraining her tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it, Anna?&#8221; he asked, when they had driven a few hundred yards.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's an omen of evil,&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What nonsense!&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch. &#8220;You've come, that's the chief thing. You can't conceive how I'm resting my hopes on you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you known Vronsky long?&#8221; she asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. You know we're hoping he will marry Kitty.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes?&#8221; said Anna softly. &#8220;Come now, let us talk of you,&#8221; she added, tossing her head, as though she would physically shake off something superfluous oppressing her. &#8220;Let us talk of your affairs. I got your letter, and here I am.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, all my hopes are in you,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, tell me all about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Stepan Arkadyevitch began to tell his story.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On reaching home Oblonsky helped his sister out, sighed, pressed her hand, and set off to his office.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 19&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When Anna went into the room, Dolly was sitting in the little drawing-room with a white-headed fat little boy, already like his father, giving him a lesson in French reading. As the boy read, he kept twisting and trying to tear off a button that was nearly off his jacket. His mother had several times taken his hand from it, but the fat little hand went back to the button again. His mother pulled the button off and put it in her pocket.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Keep your hands still, Grisha,&#8221; she said, and she took up her work, a coverlet she had long been making. She always set to work on it at depressed moments, and now she knitted at it nervously, twitching her fingers and counting the stitches. Though she had sent word the day before to her husband that it was nothing to her whether his sister came or not, she had made everything ready for her arrival, and was expecting her sister-in-law with emotion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dolly was crushed by her sorrow, utterly swallowed up by it. Still she did not forget that Anna, her sister-in-law, was the wife of one of the most important personages in Petersburg, and was a Petersburg &lt;i&gt;grande dame&lt;/i&gt;. And, thanks to this circumstance, she did not carry out her threat to her husband&#8212;that is to say, she remembered that her sister-in-law was coming. &#8220;And, after all, Anna is in no wise to blame,&#8221; thought Dolly. &#8220;I know nothing of her except the very best, and I have seen nothing but kindness and affection from her towards myself.&#8221; It was true that as far as she could recall her impressions at Petersburg at the Karenins', she did not like their household itself; there was something artificial in the whole framework of their family life. &#8220;But why should I not receive her? If only she doesn't take it into her head to console me!&#8221; thought Dolly. &#8220;All consolation and counsel and Christian forgiveness, all that I have thought over a thousand times, and it's all no use.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All these days Dolly had been alone with her children. She did not want to talk of her sorrow, but with that sorrow in her heart she could not talk of outside matters. She knew that in one way or another she would tell Anna everything, and she was alternately glad at the thought of speaking freely, and angry at the necessity of speaking of her humiliation with her, his sister, and of hearing her ready-made phrases of good advice and comfort. She had been on the lookout for her, glancing at her watch every minute, and, as so often happens, let slip just that minute when her visitor arrived, so that she did not hear the bell.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Catching a sound of skirts and light steps at the door, she looked round, and her care-worn face unconsciously expressed not gladness, but wonder. She got up and embraced her sister-in-law.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What, here already!&#8221; she said as she kissed her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dolly, how glad I am to see you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am glad, too,&#8221; said Dolly, faintly smiling, and trying by the expression of Anna's face to find out whether she knew. &#8220;Most likely she knows,&#8221; she thought, noticing the sympathy in Anna's face. &#8220;Well, come along, I'll take you to your room,&#8221; she went on, trying to defer as long as possible the moment of confidences.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is this Grisha? Heavens, how he's grown!&#8221; said Anna; and kissing him, never taking her eyes off Dolly, she stood still and flushed a little. &#8220;No, please, let us stay here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She took off her kerchief and her hat, and catching it in a lock of her black hair, which was a mass of curls, she tossed her head and shook her hair down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are radiant with health and happiness!&#8221; said Dolly, almost with envy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I?... Yes,&#8221; said Anna. &#8220;Merciful heavens, Tanya! You're the same age as my Seryozha,&#8221; she added, addressing the little girl as she ran in. She took her in her arms and kissed her. &#8220;Delightful child, delightful! Show me them all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She mentioned them, not only remembering the names, but the years, months, characters, illnesses of all the children, and Dolly could not but appreciate that.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well, we will go to them,&#8221; she said. &#8220;It's a pity Vassya's asleep.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After seeing the children, they sat down, alone now, in the drawing-room, to coffee. Anna took the tray, and then pushed it away from her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dolly,&#8221; she said, &#8220;he has told me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dolly looked coldly at Anna; she was waiting now for phrases of conventional sympathy, but Anna said nothing of the sort.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dolly, dear,&#8221; she said, &#8220;I don't want to speak for him to you, nor to try to comfort you; that's impossible. But, darling, I'm simply sorry, sorry from my heart for you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Under the thick lashes of her shining eyes tears suddenly glittered. She moved nearer to her sister-in-law and took her hand in her vigorous little hand. Dolly did not shrink away, but her face did not lose its frigid expression. She said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To comfort me's impossible. Everything's lost after what has happened, everything's over!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And directly she had said this, her face suddenly softened. Anna lifted the wasted, thin hand of Dolly, kissed it and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, Dolly, what's to be done, what's to be done? How is it best to act in this awful position&#8212;that's what you must think of.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All's over, and there's nothing more,&#8221; said Dolly. &#8220;And the worst of all is, you see, that I can't cast him off: there are the children, I am tied. And I can't live with him! it's a torture to me to see him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dolly, darling, he has spoken to me, but I want to hear it from you: tell me about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dolly looked at her inquiringly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sympathy and love unfeigned were visible on Anna's face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well,&#8221; she said all at once. &#8220;But I will tell you it from the beginning. You know how I was married. With the education mamma gave us I was more than innocent, I was stupid. I knew nothing. I know they say men tell their wives of their former lives, but Stiva&#8221;&#8212;she corrected herself&#8212;&#8220;Stepan Arkadyevitch told me nothing. You'll hardly believe it, but till now I imagined that I was the only woman he had known. So I lived eight years. You must understand that I was so far from suspecting infidelity, I regarded it as impossible, and then&#8212;try to imagine it&#8212;with such ideas, to find out suddenly all the horror, all the loathsomeness.... You must try and understand me. To be fully convinced of one's happiness, and all at once....&#8221; continued Dolly, holding back her sobs, &#8220;to get a letter ... his letter to his mistress, my governess. No, it's too awful!&#8221; She hastily pulled out her handkerchief and hid her face in it. &#8220;I can understand being carried away by feeling,&#8221; she went on after a brief silence, &#8220;but deliberately, slyly deceiving me ... and with whom?... To go on being my husband together with her ... it's awful! You can't understand....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, I understand! I understand! Dolly, dearest, I do understand,&#8221; said Anna, pressing her hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And do you imagine he realizes all the awfulness of my position?&#8221; Dolly resumed. &#8220;Not the slightest! He's happy and contented.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no!&#8221; Anna interposed quickly. &#8220;He's to be pitied, he's weighed down by remorse....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is he capable of remorse?&#8221; Dolly interrupted, gazing intently into her sister-in-law's face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. I know him. I could not look at him without feeling sorry for him. We both know him. He's good-hearted, but he's proud, and now he's so humiliated. What touched me most....&#8221; (and here Anna guessed what would touch Dolly most) &#8220;he's tortured by two things: that he's ashamed for the children's sake, and that, loving you&#8212;yes, yes, loving you beyond everything on earth,&#8221; she hurriedly interrupted Dolly, who would have answered&#8212;&#8220;he has hurt you, pierced you to the heart. &#8216;No, no, she cannot forgive me,' he keeps saying.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dolly looked dreamily away beyond her sister-in-law as she listened to her words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I can see that his position is awful; it's worse for the guilty than the innocent,&#8221; she said, &#8220;if he feels that all the misery comes from his fault. But how am I to forgive him, how am I to be his wife again after her? For me to live with him now would be torture, just because I love my past love for him....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And sobs cut short her words. But as though of set design, each time she was softened she began to speak again of what exasperated her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's young, you see, she's pretty,&#8221; she went on. &#8220;Do you know, Anna, my youth and my beauty are gone, taken by whom? By him and his children. I have worked for him, and all I had has gone in his service, and now of course any fresh, vulgar creature has more charm for him. No doubt they talked of me together, or, worse still, they were silent. Do you understand?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Again her eyes glowed with hatred.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And after that he will tell me.... What! can I believe him? Never! No, everything is over, everything that once made my comfort, the reward of my work, and my sufferings.... Would you believe it, I was teaching Grisha just now: once this was a joy to me, now it is a torture. What have I to strive and toil for? Why are the children here? What's so awful is that all at once my heart's turned, and instead of love and tenderness, I have nothing but hatred for him; yes, hatred. I could kill him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Darling Dolly, I understand, but don't torture yourself. You are so distressed, so overwrought, that you look at many things mistakenly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dolly grew calmer, and for two minutes both were silent.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's to be done? Think for me, Anna, help me. I have thought over everything, and I see nothing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna could think of nothing, but her heart responded instantly to each word, to each change of expression of her sister-in-law.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One thing I would say,&#8221; began Anna. &#8220;I am his sister, I know his character, that faculty of forgetting everything, everything&#8221; (she waved her hand before her forehead), &#8220;that faculty for being completely carried away, but for completely repenting too. He cannot believe it, he cannot comprehend now how he can have acted as he did.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; he understands, he understood!&#8221; Dolly broke in. &#8220;But I ... you are forgetting me ... does it make it easier for me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wait a minute. When he told me, I will own I did not realize all the awfulness of your position. I saw nothing but him, and that the family was broken up. I felt sorry for him, but after talking to you, I see it, as a woman, quite differently. I see your agony, and I can't tell you how sorry I am for you! But, Dolly, darling, I fully realize your sufferings, only there is one thing I don't know; I don't know ... I don't know how much love there is still in your heart for him. That you know&#8212;whether there is enough for you to be able to forgive him. If there is, forgive him!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; Dolly was beginning, but Anna cut her short, kissing her hand once more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know more of the world than you do,&#8221; she said. &#8220;I know how men like Stiva look at it. You speak of his talking of you with her. That never happened. Such men are unfaithful, but their home and wife are sacred to them. Somehow or other these women are still looked on with contempt by them, and do not touch on their feeling for their family. They draw a sort of line that can't be crossed between them and their families. I don't understand it, but it is so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but he has kissed her....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dolly, hush, darling. I saw Stiva when he was in love with you. I remember the time when he came to me and cried, talking of you, and all the poetry and loftiness of his feeling for you, and I know that the longer he has lived with you the loftier you have been in his eyes. You know we have sometimes laughed at him for putting in at every word: &#8216;Dolly's a marvelous woman.' You have always been a divinity for him, and you are that still, and this has not been an infidelity of the heart....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But if it is repeated?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It cannot be, as I understand it....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but could you forgive it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know, I can't judge.... Yes, I can,&#8221; said Anna, thinking a moment; and grasping the position in her thought and weighing it in her inner balance, she added: &#8220;Yes, I can, I can, I can. Yes, I could forgive it. I could not be the same, no; but I could forgive it, and forgive it as though it had never been, never been at all....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, of course,&#8221; Dolly interposed quickly, as though saying what she had more than once thought, &#8220;else it would not be forgiveness. If one forgives, it must be completely, completely. Come, let us go; I'll take you to your room,&#8221; she said, getting up, and on the way she embraced Anna. &#8220;My dear, how glad I am you came. It has made things better, ever so much better.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 20&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The whole of that day Anna spent at home, that's to say at the Oblonskys', and received no one, though some of her acquaintances had already heard of her arrival, and came to call the same day. Anna spent the whole morning with Dolly and the children. She merely sent a brief note to her brother to tell him that he must not fail to dine at home. &#8220;Come, God is merciful,&#8221; she wrote.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Oblonsky did dine at home: the conversation was general, and his wife, speaking to him, addressed him as &#8220;Stiva,&#8221; as she had not done before. In the relations of the husband and wife the same estrangement still remained, but there was no talk now of separation, and Stepan Arkadyevitch saw the possibility of explanation and reconciliation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Immediately after dinner Kitty came in. She knew Anna Arkadyevna, but only very slightly, and she came now to her sister's with some trepidation, at the prospect of meeting this fashionable Petersburg lady, whom everyone spoke so highly of. But she made a favorable impression on Anna Arkadyevna&#8212;she saw that at once. Anna was unmistakably admiring her loveliness and her youth: before Kitty knew where she was she found herself not merely under Anna's sway, but in love with her, as young girls do fall in love with older and married women. Anna was not like a fashionable lady, nor the mother of a boy of eight years old. In the elasticity of her movements, the freshness and the unflagging eagerness which persisted in her face, and broke out in her smile and her glance, she would rather have passed for a girl of twenty, had it not been for a serious and at times mournful look in her eyes, which struck and attracted Kitty. Kitty felt that Anna was perfectly simple and was concealing nothing, but that she had another higher world of interests inaccessible to her, complex and poetic.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After dinner, when Dolly went away to her own room, Anna rose quickly and went up to her brother, who was just lighting a cigar.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stiva,&#8221; she said to him, winking gaily, crossing him and glancing towards the door, &#8220;go, and God help you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He threw down the cigar, understanding her, and departed through the doorway.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Stepan Arkadyevitch had disappeared, she went back to the sofa where she had been sitting, surrounded by the children. Either because the children saw that their mother was fond of this aunt, or that they felt a special charm in her themselves, the two elder ones, and the younger following their lead, as children so often do, had clung about their new aunt since before dinner, and would not leave her side. And it had become a sort of game among them to sit as close as possible to their aunt, to touch her, hold her little hand, kiss it, play with her ring, or even touch the flounce of her skirt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, come, as we were sitting before,&#8221; said Anna Arkadyevna, sitting down in her place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And again Grisha poked his little face under her arm, and nestled with his head on her gown, beaming with pride and happiness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And when is your next ball?&#8221; she asked Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Next week, and a splendid ball. One of those balls where one always enjoys oneself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, are there balls where one always enjoys oneself?&#8221; Anna said, with tender irony.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's strange, but there are. At the Bobrishtchevs' one always enjoys oneself, and at the Nikitins' too, while at the Mezhkovs' it's always dull. Haven't you noticed it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, my dear, for me there are no balls now where one enjoys oneself,&#8221; said Anna, and Kitty detected in her eyes that mysterious world which was not open to her. &#8220;For me there are some less dull and tiresome.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How can &lt;i&gt;you&lt;/i&gt; be dull at a ball?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why should not &lt;i&gt;I&lt;/i&gt; be dull at a ball?&#8221; inquired Anna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty perceived that Anna knew what answer would follow.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Because you always look nicer than anyone.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna had the faculty of blushing. She blushed a little, and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the first place it's never so; and secondly, if it were, what difference would it make to me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you coming to this ball?&#8221; asked Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I imagine it won't be possible to avoid going. Here, take it,&#8221; she said to Tanya, who was pulling the loosely-fitting ring off her white, slender-tipped finger.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall be so glad if you go. I should so like to see you at a ball.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anyway, if I do go, I shall comfort myself with the thought that it's a pleasure to you ... Grisha, don't pull my hair. It's untidy enough without that,&#8221; she said, putting up a straying lock, which Grisha had been playing with.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I imagine you at the ball in lilac.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And why in lilac precisely?&#8221; asked Anna, smiling. &#8220;Now, children, run along, run along. Do you hear? Miss Hoole is calling you to tea,&#8221; she said, tearing the children from her, and sending them off to the dining-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know why you press me to come to the ball. You expect a great deal of this ball, and you want everyone to be there to take part in it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you know? Yes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh! what a happy time you are at,&#8221; pursued Anna. &#8220;I remember, and I know that blue haze like the mist on the mountains in Switzerland. That mist which covers everything in that blissful time when childhood is just ending, and out of that vast circle, happy and gay, there is a path growing narrower and narrower, and it is delightful and alarming to enter the ballroom, bright and splendid as it is.... Who has not been through it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty smiled without speaking. &#8220;But how did she go through it? How I should like to know all her love story!&#8221; thought Kitty, recalling the unromantic appearance of Alexey Alexandrovitch, her husband.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know something. Stiva told me, and I congratulate you. I liked him so much,&#8221; Anna continued. &#8220;I met Vronsky at the railway station.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, was he there?&#8221; asked Kitty, blushing. &#8220;What was it Stiva told you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stiva gossiped about it all. And I should be so glad ... I traveled yesterday with Vronsky's mother,&#8221; she went on; &#8220;and his mother talked without a pause of him, he's her favorite. I know mothers are partial, but....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What did his mother tell you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, a great deal! And I know that he's her favorite; still one can see how chivalrous he is.... Well, for instance, she told me that he had wanted to give up all his property to his brother, that he had done something extraordinary when he was quite a child, saved a woman out of the water. He's a hero, in fact,&#8221; said Anna, smiling and recollecting the two hundred roubles he had given at the station.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But she did not tell Kitty about the two hundred roubles. For some reason it was disagreeable to her to think of it. She felt that there was something that had to do with her in it, and something that ought not to have been.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She pressed me very much to go and see her,&#8221; Anna went on; &#8220;and I shall be glad to go to see her tomorrow. Stiva is staying a long while in Dolly's room, thank God,&#8221; Anna added, changing the subject, and getting up, Kitty fancied, displeased with something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I'm first! No, I!&#8221; screamed the children, who had finished tea, running up to their Aunt Anna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All together,&#8221; said Anna, and she ran laughing to meet them, and embraced and swung round all the throng of swarming children, shrieking with delight.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 21&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Dolly came out of her room to the tea of the grown-up people. Stepan Arkadyevitch did not come out. He must have left his wife's room by the other door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am afraid you'll be cold upstairs,&#8221; observed Dolly, addressing Anna; &#8220;I want to move you downstairs, and we shall be nearer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, please, don't trouble about me,&#8221; answered Anna, looking intently into Dolly's face, trying to make out whether there had been a reconciliation or not.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It will be lighter for you here,&#8221; answered her sister-in-law.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I assure you that I sleep everywhere, and always like a marmot.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's the question?&#8221; inquired Stepan Arkadyevitch, coming out of his room and addressing his wife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
From his tone both Kitty and Anna knew that a reconciliation had taken place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I want to move Anna downstairs, but we must hang up blinds. No one knows how to do it; I must see to it myself,&#8221; answered Dolly addressing him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;God knows whether they are fully reconciled,&#8221; thought Anna, hearing her tone, cold and composed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, nonsense, Dolly, always making difficulties,&#8221; answered her husband. &#8220;Come, I'll do it all, if you like....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, they must be reconciled,&#8221; thought Anna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know how you do everything,&#8221; answered Dolly. &#8220;You tell Matvey to do what can't be done, and go away yourself, leaving him to make a muddle of everything,&#8221; and her habitual, mocking smile curved the corners of Dolly's lips as she spoke.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Full, full reconciliation, full,&#8221; thought Anna; &#8220;thank God!&#8221; and rejoicing that she was the cause of it, she went up to Dolly and kissed her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not at all. Why do you always look down on me and Matvey?&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, smiling hardly perceptibly, and addressing his wife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The whole evening Dolly was, as always, a little mocking in her tone to her husband, while Stepan Arkadyevitch was happy and cheerful, but not so as to seem as though, having been forgiven, he had forgotten his offense.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At half-past nine o'clock a particularly joyful and pleasant family conversation over the tea-table at the Oblonskys' was broken up by an apparently simple incident. But this simple incident for some reason struck everyone as strange. Talking about common acquaintances in Petersburg, Anna got up quickly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She is in my album,&#8221; she said; &#8220;and, by the way, I'll show you my Seryozha,&#8221; she added, with a mother's smile of pride.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Towards ten o'clock, when she usually said good-night to her son, and often before going to a ball put him to bed herself, she felt depressed at being so far from him; and whatever she was talking about, she kept coming back in thought to her curly-headed Seryozha. She longed to look at his photograph and talk of him. Seizing the first pretext, she got up, and with her light, resolute step went for her album. The stairs up to her room came out on the landing of the great warm main staircase.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Just as she was leaving the drawing-room, a ring was heard in the hall.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who can that be?&#8221; said Dolly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's early for me to be fetched, and for anyone else it's late,&#8221; observed Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sure to be someone with papers for me,&#8221; put in Stepan Arkadyevitch. When Anna was passing the top of the staircase, a servant was running up to announce the visitor, while the visitor himself was standing under a lamp. Anna glancing down at once recognized Vronsky, and a strange feeling of pleasure and at the same time of dread of something stirred in her heart. He was standing still, not taking off his coat, pulling something out of his pocket. At the instant when she was just facing the stairs, he raised his eyes, caught sight of her, and into the expression of his face there passed a shade of embarrassment and dismay. With a slight inclination of her head she passed, hearing behind her Stepan Arkadyevitch's loud voice calling him to come up, and the quiet, soft, and composed voice of Vronsky refusing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Anna returned with the album, he was already gone, and Stepan Arkadyevitch was telling them that he had called to inquire about the dinner they were giving next day to a celebrity who had just arrived. &#8220;And nothing would induce him to come up. What a queer fellow he is!&#8221; added Stepan Arkadyevitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty blushed. She thought that she was the only person who knew why he had come, and why he would not come up. &#8220;He has been at home,&#8221; she thought, &#8220;and didn't find me, and thought I should be here, but he did not come up because he thought it late, and Anna's here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All of them looked at each other, saying nothing, and began to look at Anna's album.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was nothing either exceptional or strange in a man's calling at half-past nine on a friend to inquire details of a proposed dinner party and not coming in, but it seemed strange to all of them. Above all, it seemed strange and not right to Anna.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 22&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The ball was only just beginning as Kitty and her mother walked up the great staircase, flooded with light, and lined with flowers and footmen in powder and red coats. From the rooms came a constant, steady hum, as from a hive, and the rustle of movement; and while on the landing between trees they gave last touches to their hair and dresses before the mirror, they heard from the ballroom the careful, distinct notes of the fiddles of the orchestra beginning the first waltz. A little old man in civilian dress, arranging his gray curls before another mirror, and diffusing an odor of scent, stumbled against them on the stairs, and stood aside, evidently admiring Kitty, whom he did not know. A beardless youth, one of those society youths whom the old Prince Shtcherbatsky called &#8220;young bucks,&#8221; in an exceedingly open waistcoat, straightening his white tie as he went, bowed to them, and after running by, came back to ask Kitty for a quadrille. As the first quadrille had already been given to Vronsky, she had to promise this youth the second. An officer, buttoning his glove, stood aside in the doorway, and stroking his mustache, admired rosy Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Although her dress, her coiffure, and all the preparations for the ball had cost Kitty great trouble and consideration, at this moment she walked into the ballroom in her elaborate tulle dress over a pink slip as easily and simply as though all the rosettes and lace, all the minute details of her attire, had not cost her or her family a moment's attention, as though she had been born in that tulle and lace, with her hair done up high on her head, and a rose and two leaves on the top of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When, just before entering the ballroom, the princess, her mother, tried to turn right side out of the ribbon of her sash, Kitty had drawn back a little. She felt that everything must be right of itself, and graceful, and nothing could need setting straight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was one of Kitty's best days. Her dress was not uncomfortable anywhere; her lace berthe did not droop anywhere; her rosettes were not crushed nor torn off; her pink slippers with high, hollowed-out heels did not pinch, but gladdened her feet; and the thick rolls of fair chignon kept up on her head as if they were her own hair. All the three buttons buttoned up without tearing on the long glove that covered her hand without concealing its lines. The black velvet of her locket nestled with special softness round her neck. That velvet was delicious; at home, looking at her neck in the looking-glass, Kitty had felt that that velvet was speaking. About all the rest there might be a doubt, but the velvet was delicious. Kitty smiled here too, at the ball, when she glanced at it in the glass. Her bare shoulders and arms gave Kitty a sense of chill marble, a feeling she particularly liked. Her eyes sparkled, and her rosy lips could not keep from smiling from the consciousness of her own attractiveness. She had scarcely entered the ballroom and reached the throng of ladies, all tulle, ribbons, lace, and flowers, waiting to be asked to dance&#8212;Kitty was never one of that throng&#8212;when she was asked for a waltz, and asked by the best partner, the first star in the hierarchy of the ballroom, a renowned director of dances, a married man, handsome and well-built, Yegorushka Korsunsky. He had only just left the Countess Bonina, with whom he had danced the first half of the waltz, and, scanning his kingdom&#8212;that is to say, a few couples who had started dancing&#8212;he caught sight of Kitty, entering, and flew up to her with that peculiar, easy amble which is confined to directors of balls. Without even asking her if she cared to dance, he put out his arm to encircle her slender waist. She looked round for someone to give her fan to, and their hostess, smiling to her, took it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How nice you've come in good time,&#8221; he said to her, embracing her waist; &#8220;such a bad habit to be late.&#8221; Bending her left hand, she laid it on his shoulder, and her little feet in their pink slippers began swiftly, lightly, and rhythmically moving over the slippery floor in time to the music.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's a rest to waltz with you,&#8221; he said to her, as they fell into the first slow steps of the waltz. &#8220;It's exquisite&#8212;such lightness, precision.&#8221; He said to her the same thing he said to almost all his partners whom he knew well.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She smiled at his praise, and continued to look about the room over his shoulder. She was not like a girl at her first ball, for whom all faces in the ballroom melt into one vision of fairyland. And she was not a girl who had gone the stale round of balls till every face in the ballroom was familiar and tiresome. But she was in the middle stage between these two; she was excited, and at the same time she had sufficient self-possession to be able to observe. In the left corner of the ballroom she saw the cream of society gathered together. There&#8212;incredibly naked&#8212;was the beauty Lidi, Korsunsky's wife; there was the lady of the house; there shone the bald head of Krivin, always to be found where the best people were. In that direction gazed the young men, not venturing to approach. There, too, she descried Stiva, and there she saw the exquisite figure and head of Anna in a black velvet gown. And &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt; was there. Kitty had not seen him since the evening she refused Levin. With her long-sighted eyes, she knew him at once, and was even aware that he was looking at her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Another turn, eh? You're not tired?&#8221; said Korsunsky, a little out of breath.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, thank you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where shall I take you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Madame Karenina's here, I think ... take me to her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wherever you command.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Korsunsky began waltzing with measured steps straight towards the group in the left corner, continually saying, &#8220;Pardon, mesdames, pardon, pardon, mesdames&#8221;; and steering his course through the sea of lace, tulle, and ribbon, and not disarranging a feather, he turned his partner sharply round, so that her slim ankles, in light transparent stockings, were exposed to view, and her train floated out in fan shape and covered Krivin's knees. Korsunsky bowed, set straight his open shirt front, and gave her his arm to conduct her to Anna Arkadyevna. Kitty, flushed, took her train from Krivin's knees, and, a little giddy, looked round, seeking Anna. Anna was not in lilac, as Kitty had so urgently wished, but in a black, low-cut, velvet gown, showing her full throat and shoulders, that looked as though carved in old ivory, and her rounded arms, with tiny, slender wrists. The whole gown was trimmed with Venetian guipure. On her head, among her black hair&#8212;her own, with no false additions&#8212;was a little wreath of pansies, and a bouquet of the same in the black ribbon of her sash among white lace. Her coiffure was not striking. All that was noticeable was the little wilful tendrils of her curly hair that would always break free about her neck and temples. Round her well-cut, strong neck was a thread of pearls.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty had been seeing Anna every day; she adored her, and had pictured her invariably in lilac. But now seeing her in black, she felt that she had not fully seen her charm. She saw her now as someone quite new and surprising to her. Now she understood that Anna could not have been in lilac, and that her charm was just that she always stood out against her attire, that her dress could never be noticeable on her. And her black dress, with its sumptuous lace, was not noticeable on her; it was only the frame, and all that was seen was she&#8212;simple, natural, elegant, and at the same time gay and eager.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was standing holding herself, as always, very erect, and when Kitty drew near the group she was speaking to the master of the house, her head slightly turned towards him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I don't throw stones,&#8221; she was saying, in answer to something, &#8220;though I can't understand it,&#8221; she went on, shrugging her shoulders, and she turned at once with a soft smile of protection towards Kitty. With a flying, feminine glance she scanned her attire, and made a movement of her head, hardly perceptible, but understood by Kitty, signifying approval of her dress and her looks. &#8220;You came into the room dancing,&#8221; she added.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is one of my most faithful supporters,&#8221; said Korsunsky, bowing to Anna Arkadyevna, whom he had not yet seen. &#8220;The princess helps to make balls happy and successful. Anna Arkadyevna, a waltz?&#8221; he said, bending down to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, have you met?&#8221; inquired their host.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is there anyone we have not met? My wife and I are like white wolves&#8212;everyone knows us,&#8221; answered Korsunsky. &#8220;A waltz, Anna Arkadyevna?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't dance when it's possible not to dance,&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But tonight it's impossible,&#8221; answered Korsunsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that instant Vronsky came up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, since it's impossible tonight, let us start,&#8221; she said, not noticing Vronsky's bow, and she hastily put her hand on Korsunsky's shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is she vexed with him about?&#8221; thought Kitty, discerning that Anna had intentionally not responded to Vronsky's bow. Vronsky went up to Kitty reminding her of the first quadrille, and expressing his regret that he had not seen her all this time. Kitty gazed in admiration at Anna waltzing, and listened to him. She expected him to ask her for a waltz, but he did not, and she glanced wonderingly at him. He flushed slightly, and hurriedly asked her to waltz, but he had only just put his arm round her waist and taken the first step when the music suddenly stopped. Kitty looked into his face, which was so close to her own, and long afterwards&#8212;for several years after&#8212;that look, full of love, to which he made no response, cut her to the heart with an agony of shame.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&lt;i&gt;Pardon! pardon&lt;/i&gt;! Waltz! waltz!&#8221; shouted Korsunsky from the other side of the room, and seizing the first young lady he came across he began dancing himself.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 23&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Vronsky and Kitty waltzed several times round the room. After the first waltz Kitty went to her mother, and she had hardly time to say a few words to Countess Nordston when Vronsky came up again for the first quadrille. During the quadrille nothing of any significance was said: there was disjointed talk between them of the Korsunskys, husband and wife, whom he described very amusingly, as delightful children at forty, and of the future town theater; and only once the conversation touched her to the quick, when he asked her about Levin, whether he was here, and added that he liked him so much. But Kitty did not expect much from the quadrille. She looked forward with a thrill at her heart to the mazurka. She fancied that in the mazurka everything must be decided. The fact that he did not during the quadrille ask her for the mazurka did not trouble her. She felt sure she would dance the mazurka with him as she had done at former balls, and refused five young men, saying she was engaged for the mazurka. The whole ball up to the last quadrille was for Kitty an enchanted vision of delightful colors, sounds, and motions. She only sat down when she felt too tired and begged for a rest. But as she was dancing the last quadrille with one of the tiresome young men whom she could not refuse, she chanced to be &lt;i&gt;vis-&#224;-vis&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb6&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;vis-&#224;-vis &#8211; face to face&#034; id=&#034;nh6&#034;&gt;6&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; with Vronsky and Anna. She had not been near Anna again since the beginning of the evening, and now again she saw her suddenly quite new and surprising. She saw in her the signs of that excitement of success she knew so well in herself; she saw that she was intoxicated with the delighted admiration she was exciting. She knew that feeling and knew its signs, and saw them in Anna; saw the quivering, flashing light in her eyes, and the smile of happiness and excitement unconsciously playing on her lips, and the deliberate grace, precision, and lightness of her movements.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who?&#8221; she asked herself. &#8220;All or one?&#8221; And not assisting the harassed young man she was dancing with in the conversation, the thread of which he had lost and could not pick up again, she obeyed with external liveliness the peremptory shouts of Korsunsky starting them all into the &lt;i&gt;grand rond&lt;/i&gt;, and then into the &lt;i&gt;cha&#238;ne&lt;/i&gt;, and at the same time she kept watch with a growing pang at her heart. &#8220;No, it's not the admiration of the crowd has intoxicated her, but the adoration of one. And that one? can it be he?&#8221; Every time he spoke to Anna the joyous light flashed into her eyes, and the smile of happiness curved her red lips. She seemed to make an effort to control herself, to try not to show these signs of delight, but they came out on her face of themselves. &#8220;But what of him?&#8221; Kitty looked at him and was filled with terror. What was pictured so clearly to Kitty in the mirror of Anna's face she saw in him. What had become of his always self-possessed resolute manner, and the carelessly serene expression of his face? Now every time he turned to her, he bent his head, as though he would have fallen at her feet, and in his eyes there was nothing but humble submission and dread. &#8220;I would not offend you,&#8221; his eyes seemed every time to be saying, &#8220;but I want to save myself, and I don't know how.&#8221; On his face was a look such as Kitty had never seen before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were speaking of common acquaintances, keeping up the most trivial conversation, but to Kitty it seemed that every word they said was determining their fate and hers. And strange it was that they were actually talking of how absurd Ivan Ivanovitch was with his French, and how the Eletsky girl might have made a better match, yet these words had all the while consequence for them, and they were feeling just as Kitty did. The whole ball, the whole world, everything seemed lost in fog in Kitty's soul. Nothing but the stern discipline of her bringing-up supported her and forced her to do what was expected of her, that is, to dance, to answer questions, to talk, even to smile. But before the mazurka, when they were beginning to rearrange the chairs and a few couples moved out of the smaller rooms into the big room, a moment of despair and horror came for Kitty. She had refused five partners, and now she was not dancing the mazurka. She had not even a hope of being asked for it, because she was so successful in society that the idea would never occur to anyone that she had remained disengaged till now. She would have to tell her mother she felt ill and go home, but she had not the strength to do this. She felt crushed. She went to the furthest end of the little drawing-room and sank into a low chair. Her light, transparent skirts rose like a cloud about her slender waist; one bare, thin, soft, girlish arm, hanging listlessly, was lost in the folds of her pink tunic; in the other she held her fan, and with rapid, short strokes fanned her burning face. But while she looked like a butterfly, clinging to a blade of grass, and just about to open its rainbow wings for fresh flight, her heart ached with a horrible despair.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But perhaps I am wrong, perhaps it was not so?&#8221; And again she recalled all she had seen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kitty, what is it?&#8221; said Countess Nordston, stepping noiselessly over the carpet towards her. &#8220;I don't understand it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty's lower lip began to quiver; she got up quickly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kitty, you're not dancing the mazurka?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no,&#8221; said Kitty in a voice shaking with tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He asked her for the mazurka before me,&#8221; said Countess Nordston, knowing Kitty would understand who were &#8220;he&#8221; and &#8220;her.&#8221; &#8220;She said: &#8216;Why, aren't you going to dance it with Princess Shtcherbatskaya?'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I don't care!&#8221; answered Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
No one but she herself understood her position; no one knew that she had just refused the man whom perhaps she loved, and refused him because she had put her faith in another.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Countess Nordston found Korsunsky, with whom she was to dance the mazurka, and told him to ask Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty danced in the first couple, and luckily for her she had not to talk, because Korsunsky was all the time running about directing the figure. Vronsky and Anna sat almost opposite her. She saw them with her long-sighted eyes, and saw them, too, close by, when they met in the figures, and the more she saw of them the more convinced was she that her unhappiness was complete. She saw that they felt themselves alone in that crowded room. And on Vronsky's face, always so firm and independent, she saw that look that had struck her, of bewilderment and humble submissiveness, like the expression of an intelligent dog when it has done wrong.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna smiled, and her smile was reflected by him. She grew thoughtful, and he became serious. Some supernatural force drew Kitty's eyes to Anna's face. She was fascinating in her simple black dress, fascinating were her round arms with their bracelets, fascinating was her firm neck with its thread of pearls, fascinating the straying curls of her loose hair, fascinating the graceful, light movements of her little feet and hands, fascinating was that lovely face in its eagerness, but there was something terrible and cruel in her fascination.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty admired her more than ever, and more and more acute was her suffering. Kitty felt overwhelmed, and her face showed it. When Vronsky saw her, coming across her in the mazurka, he did not at once recognize her, she was so changed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Delightful ball!&#8221; he said to her, for the sake of saying something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; she answered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the middle of the mazurka, repeating a complicated figure, newly invented by Korsunsky, Anna came forward into the center of the circle, chose two gentlemen, and summoned a lady and Kitty. Kitty gazed at her in dismay as she went up. Anna looked at her with drooping eyelids, and smiled, pressing her hand. But, noticing that Kitty only responded to her smile by a look of despair and amazement, she turned away from her, and began gaily talking to the other lady.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, there is something uncanny, devilish and fascinating in her,&#8221; Kitty said to herself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna did not mean to stay to supper, but the master of the house began to press her to do so.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nonsense, Anna Arkadyevna,&#8221; said Korsunsky, drawing her bare arm under the sleeve of his dress coat, &#8220;I've such an idea for a &lt;i&gt;cotillion! Un bijou&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he moved gradually on, trying to draw her along with him. Their host smiled approvingly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I am not going to stay,&#8221; answered Anna, smiling, but in spite of her smile, both Korsunsky and the master of the house saw from her resolute tone that she would not stay.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; why, as it is, I have danced more at your ball in Moscow than I have all the winter in Petersburg,&#8221; said Anna, looking round at Vronsky, who stood near her. &#8220;I must rest a little before my journey.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Are you certainly going tomorrow then?&#8221; asked Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I suppose so,&#8221; answered Anna, as it were wondering at the boldness of his question; but the irrepressible, quivering brilliance of her eyes and her smile set him on fire as she said it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna Arkadyevna did not stay to supper, but went home.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 24&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Yes, there is something in me hateful, repulsive,&#8221; thought Levin, as he came away from the Shtcherbatskys', and walked in the direction of his brother's lodgings. &#8220;And I don't get on with other people. Pride, they say. No, I have no pride. If I had any pride, I should not have put myself in such a position.&#8221; And he pictured to himself Vronsky, happy, good-natured, clever, and self-possessed, certainly never placed in the awful position in which he had been that evening. &#8220;Yes, she was bound to choose him. So it had to be, and I cannot complain of anyone or anything. I am myself to blame. What right had I to imagine she would care to join her life to mine? Who am I and what am I? A nobody, not wanted by anyone, nor of use to anybody.&#8221; And he recalled his brother Nikolay, and dwelt with pleasure on the thought of him. &#8220;Isn't he right that everything in the world is base and loathsome? And are we fair in our judgment of brother Nikolay? Of course, from the point of view of Prokofy, seeing him in a torn cloak and tipsy, he's a despicable person. But I know him differently. I know his soul, and know that we are like him. And I, instead of going to seek him out, went out to dinner, and came here.&#8221; Levin walked up to a lamppost, read his brother's address, which was in his pocketbook, and called a sledge. All the long way to his brother's, Levin vividly recalled all the facts familiar to him of his brother Nikolay's life. He remembered how his brother, while at the university, and for a year afterwards, had, in spite of the jeers of his companions, lived like a monk, strictly observing all religious rites, services, and fasts, and avoiding every sort of pleasure, especially women. And afterwards, how he had all at once broken out: he had associated with the most horrible people, and rushed into the most senseless debauchery. He remembered later the scandal over a boy, whom he had taken from the country to bring up, and, in a fit of rage, had so violently beaten that proceedings were brought against him for unlawfully wounding. Then he recalled the scandal with a sharper, to whom he had lost money, and given a promissory note, and against whom he had himself lodged a complaint, asserting that he had cheated him. (This was the money Sergey Ivanovitch had paid.) Then he remembered how he had spent a night in the lockup for disorderly conduct in the street. He remembered the shameful proceedings he had tried to get up against his brother Sergey Ivanovitch, accusing him of not having paid him his share of his mother's fortune, and the last scandal, when he had gone to a western province in an official capacity, and there had got into trouble for assaulting a village elder.... It was all horribly disgusting, yet to Levin it appeared not at all in the same disgusting light as it inevitably would to those who did not know Nikolay, did not know all his story, did not know his heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin remembered that when Nikolay had been in the devout stage, the period of fasts and monks and church services, when he was seeking in religion a support and a curb for his passionate temperament, everyone, far from encouraging him, had jeered at him, and he, too, with the others. They had teased him, called him Noah, and monk; and, when he had broken out, no one had helped him, but everyone had turned away from him with horror and disgust.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin felt that, in spite of all the ugliness of his life, his brother Nikolay, in his soul, in the very depths of his soul, was no more in the wrong than the people who despised him. He was not to blame for having been born with his unbridled temperament and his somehow limited intelligence. But he had always wanted to be good. &#8220;I will tell him everything, without reserve, and I will make him speak without reserve, too, and I'll show him that I love him, and so understand him,&#8221; Levin resolved to himself, as, towards eleven o'clock, he reached the hotel of which he had the address.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At the top, 12 and 13,&#8221; the porter answered Levin's inquiry.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;At home?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sure to be at home.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The door of No. 12 was half open, and there came out into the streak of light thick fumes of cheap, poor tobacco, and the sound of a voice, unknown to Levin; but he knew at once that his brother was there; he heard his cough.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As he went in the door, the unknown voice was saying:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It all depends with how much judgment and knowledge the thing's done.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Konstantin Levin looked in at the door, and saw that the speaker was a young man with an immense shock of hair, wearing a Russian jerkin, and that a pockmarked woman in a woolen gown, without collar or cuffs, was sitting on the sofa. His brother was not to be seen. Konstantin felt a sharp pang at his heart at the thought of the strange company in which his brother spent his life. No one had heard him, and Konstantin, taking off his galoshes, listened to what the gentleman in the jerkin was saying. He was speaking of some enterprise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, the devil flay them, the privileged classes,&#8221; his brother's voice responded, with a cough. &#8220;Masha! get us some supper and some wine if there's any left; or else go and get some.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The woman rose, came out from behind the screen, and saw Konstantin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's some gentleman, Nikolay Dmitrievitch,&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Whom do you want?&#8221; said the voice of Nikolay Levin, angrily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's I,&#8221; answered Konstantin Levin, coming forward into the light.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who's &lt;i&gt;I&lt;/i&gt;?&#8221; Nikolay's voice said again, still more angrily. He could be heard getting up hurriedly, stumbling against something, and Levin saw, facing him in the doorway, the big, scared eyes, and the huge, thin, stooping figure of his brother, so familiar, and yet astonishing in its weirdness and sickliness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was even thinner than three years before, when Konstantin Levin had seen him last. He was wearing a short coat, and his hands and big bones seemed huger than ever. His hair had grown thinner, the same straight mustaches hid his lips, the same eyes gazed strangely and na&#239;vely at his visitor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, Kostya!&#8221; he exclaimed suddenly, recognizing his brother, and his eyes lit up with joy. But the same second he looked round at the young man, and gave the nervous jerk of his head and neck that Konstantin knew so well, as if his neckband hurt him; and a quite different expression, wild, suffering, and cruel, rested on his emaciated face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I wrote to you and Sergey Ivanovitch both that I don't know you and don't want to know you. What is it you want?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was not at all the same as Konstantin had been fancying him. The worst and most tiresome part of his character, what made all relations with him so difficult, had been forgotten by Konstantin Levin when he thought of him, and now, when he saw his face, and especially that nervous twitching of his head, he remembered it all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I didn't want to see you for anything,&#8221; he answered timidly. &#8220;I've simply come to see you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His brother's timidity obviously softened Nikolay. His lips twitched.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, so that's it?&#8221; he said. &#8220;Well, come in; sit down. Like some supper? Masha, bring supper for three. No, stop a minute. Do you know who this is?&#8221; he said, addressing his brother, and indicating the gentleman in the jerkin: &#8220;This is Mr. Kritsky, my friend from Kiev, a very remarkable man. He's persecuted by the police, of course, because he's not a scoundrel.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he looked round in the way he always did at everyone in the room. Seeing that the woman standing in the doorway was moving to go, he shouted to her, &#8220;Wait a minute, I said.&#8221; And with the inability to express himself, the incoherence that Konstantin knew so well, he began, with another look round at everyone, to tell his brother Kritsky's story: how he had been expelled from the university for starting a benefit society for the poor students and Sunday schools; and how he had afterwards been a teacher in a peasant school, and how he had been driven out of that too, and had afterwards been condemned for something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're of the Kiev university?&#8221; said Konstantin Levin to Kritsky, to break the awkward silence that followed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I was of Kiev,&#8221; Kritsky replied angrily, his face darkening.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And this woman,&#8221; Nikolay Levin interrupted him, pointing to her, &#8220;is the partner of my life, Marya Nikolaevna. I took her out of a bad house,&#8221; and he jerked his neck saying this; &#8220;but I love her and respect her, and anyone who wants to know me,&#8221; he added, raising his voice and knitting his brows, &#8220;I beg to love her and respect her. She's just the same as my wife, just the same. So now you know whom you've to do with. And if you think you're lowering yourself, well, here's the floor, there's the door.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And again his eyes traveled inquiringly over all of them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why I should be lowering myself, I don't understand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then, Masha, tell them to bring supper; three portions, spirits and wine.... No, wait a minute.... No, it doesn't matter.... Go along.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 25&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;So you see,&#8221; pursued Nikolay Levin, painfully wrinkling his forehead and twitching.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was obviously difficult for him to think of what to say and do.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here, do you see?&#8221;... He pointed to some sort of iron bars, fastened together with strings, lying in a corner of the room. &#8220;Do you see that? That's the beginning of a new thing we're going into. It's a productive association....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Konstantin scarcely heard him. He looked into his sickly, consumptive face, and he was more and more sorry for him, and he could not force himself to listen to what his brother was telling him about the association. He saw that this association was a mere anchor to save him from self-contempt. Nikolay Levin went on talking:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know that capital oppresses the laborer. The laborers with us, the peasants, bear all the burden of labor, and are so placed that however much they work they can't escape from their position of beasts of burden. All the profits of labor, on which they might improve their position, and gain leisure for themselves, and after that education, all the surplus values are taken from them by the capitalists. And society's so constituted that the harder they work, the greater the profit of the merchants and landowners, while they stay beasts of burden to the end. And that state of things must be changed,&#8221; he finished up, and he looked questioningly at his brother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, of course,&#8221; said Konstantin, looking at the patch of red that had come out on his brother's projecting cheekbones.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And so we're founding a locksmiths' association, where all the production and profit and the chief instruments of production will be in common.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where is the association to be?&#8221; asked Konstantin Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the village of Vozdrem, Kazan government.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why in a village? In the villages, I think, there is plenty of work as it is. Why a locksmiths' association in a village?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why? Because the peasants are just as much slaves as they ever were, and that's why you and Sergey Ivanovitch don't like people to try and get them out of their slavery,&#8221; said Nikolay Levin, exasperated by the objection.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Konstantin Levin sighed, looking meanwhile about the cheerless and dirty room. This sigh seemed to exasperate Nikolay still more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know your and Sergey Ivanovitch's aristocratic views. I know that he applies all the power of his intellect to justify existing evils.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; and what do you talk of Sergey Ivanovitch for?&#8221; said Levin, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sergey Ivanovitch? I'll tell you what for!&#8221; Nikolay Levin shrieked suddenly at the name of Sergey Ivanovitch. &#8220;I'll tell you what for.... But what's the use of talking? There's only one thing.... What did you come to me for? You look down on this, and you're welcome to,&#8212;and go away, in God's name go away!&#8221; he shrieked, getting up from his chair. &#8220;And go away, and go away!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't look down on it at all,&#8221; said Konstantin Levin timidly. &#8220;I don't even dispute it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that instant Marya Nikolaevna came back. Nikolay Levin looked round angrily at her. She went quickly to him, and whispered something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm not well; I've grown irritable,&#8221; said Nikolay Levin, getting calmer and breathing painfully; &#8220;and then you talk to me of Sergey Ivanovitch and his article. It's such rubbish, such lying, such self-deception. What can a man write of justice who knows nothing of it? Have you read his article?&#8221; he asked Kritsky, sitting down again at the table, and moving back off half of it the scattered cigarettes, so as to clear a space.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've not read it,&#8221; Kritsky responded gloomily, obviously not desiring to enter into the conversation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not?&#8221; said Nikolay Levin, now turning with exasperation upon Kritsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Because I didn't see the use of wasting my time over it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, but excuse me, how did you know it would be wasting your time? That article's too deep for many people&#8212;that's to say it's over their heads. But with me, it's another thing; I see through his ideas, and I know where its weakness lies.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everyone was mute. Kritsky got up deliberately and reached his cap.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Won't you have supper? All right, good-bye! Come round tomorrow with the locksmith.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kritsky had hardly gone out when Nikolay Levin smiled and winked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's no good either,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I see, of course....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But at that instant Kritsky, at the door, called him....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you want now?&#8221; he said, and went out to him in the passage. Left alone with Marya Nikolaevna, Levin turned to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you been long with my brother?&#8221; he said to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, more than a year. Nikolay Dmitrievitch's health has become very poor. Nikolay Dmitrievitch drinks a great deal,&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is ... how does he drink?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Drinks vodka, and it's bad for him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And a great deal?&#8221; whispered Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; she said, looking timidly towards the doorway, where Nikolay Levin had reappeared.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What were you talking about?&#8221; he said, knitting his brows, and turning his scared eyes from one to the other. &#8220;What was it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, nothing,&#8221; Konstantin answered in confusion.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, if you don't want to say, don't. Only it's no good your talking to her. She's a wench, and you're a gentleman,&#8221; he said with a jerk of the neck. &#8220;You understand everything, I see, and have taken stock of everything, and look with commiseration on my shortcomings,&#8221; he began again, raising his voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nikolay Dmitrievitch, Nikolay Dmitrievitch,&#8221; whispered Marya Nikolaevna, again going up to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, very well, very well!... But where's the supper? Ah, here it is,&#8221; he said, seeing a waiter with a tray. &#8220;Here, set it here,&#8221; he added angrily, and promptly seizing the vodka, he poured out a glassful and drank it greedily. &#8220;Like a drink?&#8221; he turned to his brother, and at once became better humored.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, enough of Sergey Ivanovitch. I'm glad to see you, anyway. After all's said and done, we're not strangers. Come, have a drink. Tell me what you're doing,&#8221; he went on, greedily munching a piece of bread, and pouring out another glassful. &#8220;How are you living?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I live alone in the country, as I used to. I'm busy looking after the land,&#8221; answered Konstantin, watching with horror the greediness with which his brother ate and drank, and trying to conceal that he noticed it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why don't you get married?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It hasn't happened so,&#8221; Konstantin answered, reddening a little.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not? For me now ... everything's at an end! I've made a mess of my life. But this I've said, and I say still, that if my share had been given me when I needed it, my whole life would have been different.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Konstantin made haste to change the conversation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know your little Vanya's with me, a clerk in the countinghouse at Pokrovskoe.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nikolay jerked his neck, and sank into thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, tell me what's going on at Pokrovskoe. Is the house standing still, and the birch trees, and our schoolroom? And Philip the gardener, is he living? How I remember the arbor and the seat! Now mind and don't alter anything in the house, but make haste and get married, and make everything as it used to be again. Then I'll come and see you, if your wife is nice.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But come to me now,&#8221; said Levin. &#8220;How nicely we would arrange it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'd come and see you if I were sure I should not find Sergey Ivanovitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You wouldn't find him there. I live quite independently of him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but say what you like, you will have to choose between me and him,&#8221; he said, looking timidly into his brother's face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This timidity touched Konstantin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you want to hear my confession of faith on the subject, I tell you that in your quarrel with Sergey Ivanovitch I take neither side. You're both wrong. You're more wrong externally, and he inwardly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, ah! You see that, you see that!&#8221; Nikolay shouted joyfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I personally value friendly relations with you more because....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, why?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Konstantin could not say that he valued it more because Nikolay was unhappy, and needed affection. But Nikolay knew that this was just what he meant to say, and scowling he took up the vodka again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Enough, Nikolay Dmitrievitch!&#8221; said Marya Nikolaevna, stretching out her plump, bare arm towards the decanter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let it be! Don't insist! I'll beat you!&#8221; he shouted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Marya Nikolaevna smiled a sweet and good-humored smile, which was at once reflected on Nikolay's face, and she took the bottle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And do you suppose she understands nothing?&#8221; said Nikolay. &#8220;She understands it all better than any of us. Isn't it true there's something good and sweet in her?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Were you never before in Moscow?&#8221; Konstantin said to her, for the sake of saying something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Only you mustn't be polite and stiff with her. It frightens her. No one ever spoke to her so but the justices of the peace who tried her for trying to get out of a house of ill-fame. Mercy on us, the senselessness in the world!&#8221; he cried suddenly. &#8220;These new institutions, these justices of the peace, rural councils, what hideousness it all is!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he began to enlarge on his encounters with the new institutions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Konstantin Levin heard him, and the disbelief in the sense of all public institutions, which he shared with him, and often expressed, was distasteful to him now from his brother's lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In another world we shall understand it all,&#8221; he said lightly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In another world! Ah, I don't like that other world! I don't like it,&#8221; he said, letting his scared eyes rest on his brother's eyes. &#8220;Here one would think that to get out of all the baseness and the mess, one's own and other people's, would be a good thing, and yet I'm afraid of death, awfully afraid of death.&#8221; He shuddered. &#8220;But do drink something. Would you like some champagne? Or shall we go somewhere? Let's go to the Gypsies! Do you know I have got so fond of the Gypsies and Russian songs.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His speech had begun to falter, and he passed abruptly from one subject to another. Konstantin with the help of Masha persuaded him not to go out anywhere, and got him to bed hopelessly drunk.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Masha promised to write to Konstantin in case of need, and to persuade Nikolay Levin to go and stay with his brother.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 26&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In the morning Konstantin Levin left Moscow, and towards evening he reached home. On the journey in the train he talked to his neighbors about politics and the new railways, and, just as in Moscow, he was overcome by a sense of confusion of ideas, dissatisfaction with himself, shame of something or other. But when he got out at his own station, when he saw his one-eyed coachman, Ignat, with the collar of his coat turned up; when, in the dim light reflected by the station fires, he saw his own sledge, his own horses with their tails tied up, in their harness trimmed with rings and tassels; when the coachman Ignat, as he put in his luggage, told him the village news, that the contractor had arrived, and that Pava had calved,&#8212;he felt that little by little the confusion was clearing up, and the shame and self-dissatisfaction were passing away. He felt this at the mere sight of Ignat and the horses; but when he had put on the sheepskin brought for him, had sat down wrapped up in the sledge, and had driven off pondering on the work that lay before him in the village, and staring at the side-horse, that had been his saddle-horse, past his prime now, but a spirited beast from the Don, he began to see what had happened to him in quite a different light. He felt himself, and did not want to be anyone else. All he wanted now was to be better than before. In the first place he resolved that from that day he would give up hoping for any extraordinary happiness, such as marriage must have given him, and consequently he would not so disdain what he really had. Secondly, he would never again let himself give way to low passion, the memory of which had so tortured him when he had been making up his mind to make an offer. Then remembering his brother Nikolay, he resolved to himself that he would never allow himself to forget him, that he would follow him up, and not lose sight of him, so as to be ready to help when things should go ill with him. And that would be soon, he felt. Then, too, his brother's talk of communism, which he had treated so lightly at the time, now made him think. He considered a revolution in economic conditions nonsense. But he always felt the injustice of his own abundance in comparison with the poverty of the peasants, and now he determined that so as to feel quite in the right, though he had worked hard and lived by no means luxuriously before, he would now work still harder, and would allow himself even less luxury. And all this seemed to him so easy a conquest over himself that he spent the whole drive in the pleasantest daydreams. With a resolute feeling of hope in a new, better life, he reached home before nine o'clock at night.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The snow of the little quadrangle before the house was lit up by a light in the bedroom windows of his old nurse, Agafea Mihalovna, who performed the duties of housekeeper in his house. She was not yet asleep. Kouzma, waked up by her, came sidling sleepily out onto the steps. A setter bitch, Laska, ran out too, almost upsetting Kouzma, and whining, turned round about Levin's knees, jumping up and longing, but not daring, to put her forepaws on his chest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're soon back again, sir,&#8221; said Agafea Mihalovna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I got tired of it, Agafea Mihalovna. With friends, one is well; but at home, one is better,&#8221; he answered, and went into his study.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The study was slowly lit up as the candle was brought in. The familiar details came out: the stag's horns, the bookshelves, the looking-glass, the stove with its ventilator, which had long wanted mending, his father's sofa, a large table, on the table an open book, a broken ashtray, a manuscript book with his handwriting. As he saw all this, there came over him for an instant a doubt of the possibility of arranging the new life, of which he had been dreaming on the road. All these traces of his life seemed to clutch him, and to say to him: &#8220;No, you're not going to get away from us, and you're not going to be different, but you're going to be the same as you've always been; with doubts, everlasting dissatisfaction with yourself, vain efforts to amend, and falls, and everlasting expectation, of a happiness which you won't get, and which isn't possible for you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This the things said to him, but another voice in his heart was telling him that he must not fall under the sway of the past, and that one can do anything with oneself. And hearing that voice, he went into the corner where stood his two heavy dumbbells, and began brandishing them like a gymnast, trying to restore his confident temper. There was a creak of steps at the door. He hastily put down the dumbbells.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The bailiff came in, and said everything, thank God, was doing well; but informed him that the buckwheat in the new drying machine had been a little scorched. This piece of news irritated Levin. The new drying machine had been constructed and partly invented by Levin. The bailiff had always been against the drying machine, and now it was with suppressed triumph that he announced that the buckwheat had been scorched. Levin was firmly convinced that if the buckwheat had been scorched, it was only because the precautions had not been taken, for which he had hundreds of times given orders. He was annoyed, and reprimanded the bailiff. But there had been an important and joyful event: Pava, his best cow, an expensive beast, bought at a show, had calved.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kouzma, give me my sheepskin. And you tell them to take a lantern. I'll come and look at her,&#8221; he said to the bailiff.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The cowhouse for the more valuable cows was just behind the house. Walking across the yard, passing a snowdrift by the lilac tree, he went into the cowhouse. There was the warm, steamy smell of dung when the frozen door was opened, and the cows, astonished at the unfamiliar light of the lantern, stirred on the fresh straw. He caught a glimpse of the broad, smooth, black and piebald back of Hollandka. Berkoot, the bull, was lying down with his ring in his lip, and seemed about to get up, but thought better of it, and only gave two snorts as they passed by him. Pava, a perfect beauty, huge as a hippopotamus, with her back turned to them, prevented their seeing the calf, as she sniffed her all over.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin went into the pen, looked Pava over, and lifted the red and spotted calf onto her long, tottering legs. Pava, uneasy, began lowing, but when Levin put the calf close to her she was soothed, and, sighing heavily, began licking her with her rough tongue. The calf, fumbling, poked her nose under her mother's udder, and stiffened her tail out straight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here, bring the light, Fyodor, this way,&#8221; said Levin, examining the calf. &#8220;Like the mother! though the color takes after the father; but that's nothing. Very good. Long and broad in the haunch. Vassily Fedorovitch, isn't she splendid?&#8221; he said to the bailiff, quite forgiving him for the buckwheat under the influence of his delight in the calf.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How could she fail to be? Oh, Semyon the contractor came the day after you left. You must settle with him, Konstantin Dmitrievitch,&#8221; said the bailiff. &#8220;I did inform you about the machine.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This question was enough to take Levin back to all the details of his work on the estate, which was on a large scale, and complicated. He went straight from the cowhouse to the counting house, and after a little conversation with the bailiff and Semyon the contractor, he went back to the house and straight upstairs to the drawing-room.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 27&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The house was big and old-fashioned, and Levin, though he lived alone, had the whole house heated and used. He knew that this was stupid, he knew that it was positively not right, and contrary to his present new plans, but this house was a whole world to Levin. It was the world in which his father and mother had lived and died. They had lived just the life that to Levin seemed the ideal of perfection, and that he had dreamed of beginning with his wife, his family.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin scarcely remembered his mother. His conception of her was for him a sacred memory, and his future wife was bound to be in his imagination a repetition of that exquisite, holy ideal of a woman that his mother had been.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was so far from conceiving of love for woman apart from marriage that he positively pictured to himself first the family, and only secondarily the woman who would give him a family. His ideas of marriage were, consequently, quite unlike those of the great majority of his acquaintances, for whom getting married was one of the numerous facts of social life. For Levin it was the chief affair of life, on which its whole happiness turned. And now he had to give up that.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When he had gone into the little drawing-room, where he always had tea, and had settled himself in his armchair with a book, and Agafea Mihalovna had brought him tea, and with her usual, &#8220;Well, I'll stay a while, sir,&#8221; had taken a chair in the window, he felt that, however strange it might be, he had not parted from his daydreams, and that he could not live without them. Whether with her, or with another, still it would be. He was reading a book, and thinking of what he was reading, and stopping to listen to Agafea Mihalovna, who gossiped away without flagging, and yet with all that, all sorts of pictures of family life and work in the future rose disconnectedly before his imagination. He felt that in the depth of his soul something had been put in its place, settled down, and laid to rest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He heard Agafea Mihalovna talking of how Prohor had forgotten his duty to God, and with the money Levin had given him to buy a horse, had been drinking without stopping, and had beaten his wife till he'd half killed her. He listened, and read his book, and recalled the whole train of ideas suggested by his reading. It was Tyndall's &lt;i&gt;Treatise on Heat&lt;/i&gt;. He recalled his own criticisms of Tyndall of his complacent satisfaction in the cleverness of his experiments, and for his lack of philosophic insight. And suddenly there floated into his mind the joyful thought: &#8220;In two years' time I shall have two Dutch cows; Pava herself will perhaps still be alive, a dozen young daughters of Berkoot and the three others&#8212;how lovely!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He took up his book again. &#8220;Very good, electricity and heat are the same thing; but is it possible to substitute the one quantity for the other in the equation for the solution of any problem? No. Well, then what of it? The connection between all the forces of nature is felt instinctively.... It's particulary nice if Pava's daughter should be a red-spotted cow, and all the herd will take after her, and the other three, too! Splendid! To go out with my wife and visitors to meet the herd.... My wife says, &#8216;Kostya and I looked after that calf like a child.' &#8216;How can it interest you so much?' says a visitor. &#8216;Everything that interests him, interests me.' But who will she be?&#8221; And he remembered what had happened at Moscow.... &#8220;Well, there's nothing to be done.... It's not my fault. But now everything shall go on in a new way. It's nonsense to pretend that life won't let one, that the past won't let one. One must struggle to live better, much better.&#8221;... He raised his head, and fell to dreaming. Old Laska, who had not yet fully digested her delight at his return, and had run out into the yard to bark, came back wagging her tail, and crept up to him, bringing in the scent of fresh air, put her head under his hand, and whined plaintively, asking to be stroked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There, who'd have thought it?&#8221; said Agafea Mihalovna. &#8220;The dog now ... why, she understands that her master's come home, and that he's low-spirited.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why low-spirited?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you suppose I don't see it, sir? It's high time I should know the gentry. Why, I've grown up from a little thing with them. It's nothing, sir, so long as there's health and a clear conscience.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin looked intently at her, surprised at how well she knew his thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Shall I fetch you another cup?&#8221; said she, and taking his cup she went out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Laska kept poking her head under his hand. He stroked her, and she promptly curled up at his feet, laying her head on a hindpaw. And in token of all now being well and satisfactory, she opened her mouth a little, smacked her lips, and settling her sticky lips more comfortably about her old teeth, she sank into blissful repose. Levin watched all her movements attentively.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's what I'll do,&#8221; he said to himself; &#8220;that's what I'll do! Nothing's amiss.... All's well.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 28&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;After the ball, early next morning, Anna Arkadyevna sent her husband a telegram that she was leaving Moscow the same day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I must go, I must go&#8221;; she explained to her sister-in-law the change in her plans in a tone that suggested that she had to remember so many things that there was no enumerating them: &#8220;no, it had really better be today!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch was not dining at home, but he promised to come and see his sister off at seven o'clock.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty, too, did not come, sending a note that she had a headache. Dolly and Anna dined alone with the children and the English governess. Whether it was that the children were fickle, or that they had acute senses, and felt that Anna was quite different that day from what she had been when they had taken such a fancy to her, that she was not now interested in them,&#8212;but they had abruptly dropped their play with their aunt, and their love for her, and were quite indifferent that she was going away. Anna was absorbed the whole morning in preparations for her departure. She wrote notes to her Moscow acquaintances, put down her accounts, and packed. Altogether Dolly fancied she was not in a placid state of mind, but in that worried mood, which Dolly knew well with herself, and which does not come without cause, and for the most part covers dissatisfaction with self. After dinner, Anna went up to her room to dress, and Dolly followed her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How queer you are today!&#8221; Dolly said to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I? Do you think so? I'm not queer, but I'm nasty. I am like that sometimes. I keep feeling as if I could cry. It's very stupid, but it'll pass off,&#8221; said Anna quickly, and she bent her flushed face over a tiny bag in which she was packing a nightcap and some cambric handkerchiefs. Her eyes were particularly bright, and were continually swimming with tears. &#8220;In the same way I didn't want to leave Petersburg, and now I don't want to go away from here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You came here and did a good deed,&#8221; said Dolly, looking intently at her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna looked at her with eyes wet with tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't say that, Dolly. I've done nothing, and could do nothing. I often wonder why people are all in league to spoil me. What have I done, and what could I do? In your heart there was found love enough to forgive....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If it had not been for you, God knows what would have happened! How happy you are, Anna!&#8221; said Dolly. &#8220;Everything is clear and good in your heart.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Every heart has its own &lt;i&gt;skeletons&lt;/i&gt;, as the English say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have no sort of &lt;i&gt;skeleton&lt;/i&gt;, have you? Everything is so clear in you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have!&#8221; said Anna suddenly, and, unexpectedly after her tears, a sly, ironical smile curved her lips.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, he's amusing, anyway, your &lt;i&gt;skeleton&lt;/i&gt;, and not depressing,&#8221; said Dolly, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, he's depressing. Do you know why I'm going today instead of tomorrow? It's a confession that weighs on me; I want to make it to you,&#8221; said Anna, letting herself drop definitely into an armchair, and looking straight into Dolly's face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And to her surprise Dolly saw that Anna was blushing up to her ears, up to the curly black ringlets on her neck.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; Anna went on. &#8220;Do you know why Kitty didn't come to dinner? She's jealous of me. I have spoiled ... I've been the cause of that ball being a torture to her instead of a pleasure. But truly, truly, it's not my fault, or only my fault a little bit,&#8221; she said, daintily drawling the words &#8220;a little bit.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, how like Stiva you said that!&#8221; said Dolly, laughing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna was hurt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh no, oh no! I'm not Stiva,&#8221; she said, knitting her brows. &#8220;That's why I'm telling you, just because I could never let myself doubt myself for an instant,&#8221; said Anna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But at the very moment she was uttering the words, she felt that they were not true. She was not merely doubting herself, she felt emotion at the thought of Vronsky, and was going away sooner than she had meant, simply to avoid meeting him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, Stiva told me you danced the mazurka with him, and that he....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You can't imagine how absurdly it all came about. I only meant to be matchmaking, and all at once it turned out quite differently. Possibly against my own will....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She crimsoned and stopped.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, they feel it directly?&#8221; said Dolly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I should be in despair if there were anything serious in it on his side,&#8221; Anna interrupted her. &#8220;And I am certain it will all be forgotten, and Kitty will leave off hating me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All the same, Anna, to tell you the truth, I'm not very anxious for this marriage for Kitty. And it's better it should come to nothing, if he, Vronsky, is capable of falling in love with you in a single day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, heavens, that would be too silly!&#8221; said Anna, and again a deep flush of pleasure came out on her face, when she heard the idea, that absorbed her, put into words. &#8220;And so here I am going away, having made an enemy of Kitty, whom I liked so much! Ah, how sweet she is! But you'll make it right, Dolly? Eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dolly could scarcely suppress a smile. She loved Anna, but she enjoyed seeing that she too had her weaknesses.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;An enemy? That can't be.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I did so want you all to care for me, as I do for you, and now I care for you more than ever,&#8221; said Anna, with tears in her eyes. &#8220;Ah, how silly I am today!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She passed her handkerchief over her face and began dressing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the very moment of starting Stepan Arkadyevitch arrived, late, rosy and good-humored, smelling of wine and cigars.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna's emotionalism infected Dolly, and when she embraced her sister-in-law for the last time, she whispered: &#8220;Remember, Anna, what you've done for me&#8212;I shall never forget. And remember that I love you, and shall always love you as my dearest friend!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know why,&#8221; said Anna, kissing her and hiding her tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You understood me, and you understand. Good-bye, my darling!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 29&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Come, it's all over, and thank God!&#8221; was the first thought that came to Anna Arkadyevna, when she had said good-bye for the last time to her brother, who had stood blocking up the entrance to the carriage till the third bell rang. She sat down on her lounge beside Annushka, and looked about her in the twilight of the sleeping-carriage. &#8220;Thank God! tomorrow I shall see Seryozha and Alexey Alexandrovitch, and my life will go on in the old way, all nice and as usual.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Still in the same anxious frame of mind, as she had been all that day, Anna took pleasure in arranging herself for the journey with great care. With her little deft hands she opened and shut her little red bag, took out a cushion, laid it on her knees, and carefully wrapping up her feet, settled herself comfortably. An invalid lady had already lain down to sleep. Two other ladies began talking to Anna, and a stout elderly lady tucked up her feet, and made observations about the heating of the train. Anna answered a few words, but not foreseeing any entertainment from the conversation, she asked Annushka to get a lamp, hooked it onto the arm of her seat, and took from her bag a paper-knife and an English novel. At first her reading made no progress. The fuss and bustle were disturbing; then when the train had started, she could not help listening to the noises; then the snow beating on the left window and sticking to the pane, and the sight of the muffled guard passing by, covered with snow on one side, and the conversations about the terrible snowstorm raging outside, distracted her attention. Farther on, it was continually the same again and again: the same shaking and rattling, the same snow on the window, the same rapid transitions from steaming heat to cold, and back again to heat, the same passing glimpses of the same figures in the twilight, and the same voices, and Anna began to read and to understand what she read. Annushka was already dozing, the red bag on her lap, clutched by her broad hands, in gloves, of which one was torn. Anna Arkadyevna read and understood, but it was distasteful to her to read, that is, to follow the reflection of other people's lives. She had too great a desire to live herself. If she read that the heroine of the novel was nursing a sick man, she longed to move with noiseless steps about the room of a sick man; if she read of a member of Parliament making a speech, she longed to be delivering the speech; if she read of how Lady Mary had ridden after the hounds, and had provoked her sister-in-law, and had surprised everyone by her boldness, she too wished to be doing the same. But there was no chance of doing anything; and twisting the smooth paper-knife in her little hands, she forced herself to read.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The hero of the novel was already almost reaching his English happiness, a baronetcy and an estate, and Anna was feeling a desire to go with him to the estate, when she suddenly felt that &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt; ought to feel ashamed, and that she was ashamed of the same thing. But what had he to be ashamed of? &#8220;What have I to be ashamed of?&#8221; she asked herself in injured surprise. She laid down the book and sank against the back of the chair, tightly gripping the paper-cutter in both hands. There was nothing. She went over all her Moscow recollections. All were good, pleasant. She remembered the ball, remembered Vronsky and his face of slavish adoration, remembered all her conduct with him: there was nothing shameful. And for all that, at the same point in her memories, the feeling of shame was intensified, as though some inner voice, just at the point when she thought of Vronsky, were saying to her, &#8220;Warm, very warm, hot.&#8221; &#8220;Well, what is it?&#8221; she said to herself resolutely, shifting her seat in the lounge. &#8220;What does it mean? Am I afraid to look it straight in the face? Why, what is it? Can it be that between me and this officer boy there exist, or can exist, any other relations than such as are common with every acquaintance?&#8221; She laughed contemptuously and took up her book again; but now she was definitely unable to follow what she read. She passed the paper-knife over the window pane, then laid its smooth, cool surface to her cheek, and almost laughed aloud at the feeling of delight that all at once without cause came over her. She felt as though her nerves were strings being strained tighter and tighter on some sort of screwing peg. She felt her eyes opening wider and wider, her fingers and toes twitching nervously, something within oppressing her breathing, while all shapes and sounds seemed in the uncertain half-light to strike her with unaccustomed vividness. Moments of doubt were continually coming upon her, when she was uncertain whether the train were going forwards or backwards, or were standing still altogether; whether it were Annushka at her side or a stranger. &#8220;What's that on the arm of the chair, a fur cloak or some beast? And what am I myself? Myself or some other woman?&#8221; She was afraid of giving way to this delirium. But something drew her towards it, and she could yield to it or resist it at will. She got up to rouse herself, and slipped off her plaid and the cape of her warm dress. For a moment she regained her self-possession, and realized that the thin peasant who had come in wearing a long overcoat, with buttons missing from it, was the stoveheater, that he was looking at the thermometer, that it was the wind and snow bursting in after him at the door; but then everything grew blurred again.... That peasant with the long waist seemed to be gnawing something on the wall, the old lady began stretching her legs the whole length of the carriage, and filling it with a black cloud; then there was a fearful shrieking and banging, as though someone were being torn to pieces; then there was a blinding dazzle of red fire before her eyes and a wall seemed to rise up and hide everything. Anna felt as though she were sinking down. But it was not terrible, but delightful. The voice of a man muffled up and covered with snow shouted something in her ear. She got up and pulled herself together; she realized that they had reached a station and that this was the guard. She asked Annushka to hand her the cape she had taken off and her shawl, put them on and moved towards the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you wish to get out?&#8221; asked Annushka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I want a little air. It's very hot in here.&#8221; And she opened the door. The driving snow and the wind rushed to meet her and struggled with her over the door. But she enjoyed the struggle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She opened the door and went out. The wind seemed as though lying in wait for her; with gleeful whistle it tried to snatch her up and bear her off, but she clung to the cold door post, and holding her skirt got down onto the platform and under the shelter of the carriages. The wind had been powerful on the steps, but on the platform, under the lee of the carriages, there was a lull. With enjoyment she drew deep breaths of the frozen, snowy air, and standing near the carriage looked about the platform and the lighted station.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 30&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The raging tempest rushed whistling between the wheels of the carriages, about the scaffolding, and round the corner of the station. The carriages, posts, people, everything that was to be seen was covered with snow on one side, and was getting more and more thickly covered. For a moment there would come a lull in the storm, but then it would swoop down again with such onslaughts that it seemed impossible to stand against it. Meanwhile men ran to and fro, talking merrily together, their steps crackling on the platform as they continually opened and closed the big doors. The bent shadow of a man glided by at her feet, and she heard sounds of a hammer upon iron. &#8220;Hand over that telegram!&#8221; came an angry voice out of the stormy darkness on the other side. &#8220;This way! No. 28!&#8221; several different voices shouted again, and muffled figures ran by covered with snow. Two gentlemen with lighted cigarettes passed by her. She drew one more deep breath of the fresh air, and had just put her hand out of her muff to take hold of the door post and get back into the carriage, when another man in a military overcoat, quite close beside her, stepped between her and the flickering light of the lamp post. She looked round, and the same instant recognized Vronsky's face. Putting his hand to the peak of his cap, he bowed to her and asked, Was there anything she wanted? Could he be of any service to her? She gazed rather a long while at him without answering, and, in spite of the shadow in which he was standing, she saw, or fancied she saw, both the expression of his face and his eyes. It was again that expression of reverential ecstasy which had so worked upon her the day before. More than once she had told herself during the past few days, and again only a few moments before, that Vronsky was for her only one of the hundreds of young men, forever exactly the same, that are met everywhere, that she would never allow herself to bestow a thought upon him. But now at the first instant of meeting him, she was seized by a feeling of joyful pride. She had no need to ask why he had come. She knew as certainly as if he had told her that he was here to be where she was.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I didn't know you were going. What are you coming for?&#8221; she said, letting fall the hand with which she had grasped the door post. And irrepressible delight and eagerness shone in her face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What am I coming for?&#8221; he repeated, looking straight into her eyes. &#8220;You know that I have come to be where you are,&#8221; he said; &#8220;I can't help it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that moment the wind, as it were, surmounting all obstacles, sent the snow flying from the carriage roofs, and clanked some sheet of iron it had torn off, while the hoarse whistle of the engine roared in front, plaintively and gloomily. All the awfulness of the storm seemed to her more splendid now. He had said what her soul longed to hear, though she feared it with her reason. She made no answer, and in her face he saw conflict.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive me, if you dislike what I said,&#8221; he said humbly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had spoken courteously, deferentially, yet so firmly, so stubbornly, that for a long while she could make no answer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's wrong, what you say, and I beg you, if you're a good man, to forget what you've said, as I forget it,&#8221; she said at last.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not one word, not one gesture of yours shall I, could I, ever forget....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Enough, enough!&#8221; she cried trying assiduously to give a stern expression to her face, into which he was gazing greedily. And clutching at the cold door post, she clambered up the steps and got rapidly into the corridor of the carriage. But in the little corridor she paused, going over in her imagination what had happened. Though she could not recall her own words or his, she realized instinctively that the momentary conversation had brought them fearfully closer; and she was panic-stricken and blissful at it. After standing still a few seconds, she went into the carriage and sat down in her place. The overstrained condition which had tormented her before did not only come back, but was intensified, and reached such a pitch that she was afraid every minute that something would snap within her from the excessive tension. She did not sleep all night. But in that nervous tension, and in the visions that filled her imagination, there was nothing disagreeable or gloomy: on the contrary there was something blissful, glowing, and exhilarating. Towards morning Anna sank into a doze, sitting in her place, and when she waked it was daylight and the train was near Petersburg. At once thoughts of home, of husband and of son, and the details of that day and the following came upon her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At Petersburg, as soon as the train stopped and she got out, the first person that attracted her attention was her husband. &#8220;Oh, mercy! why do his ears look like that?&#8221; she thought, looking at his frigid and imposing figure, and especially the ears that struck her at the moment as propping up the brim of his round hat. Catching sight of her, he came to meet her, his lips falling into their habitual sarcastic smile, and his big, tired eyes looking straight at her. An unpleasant sensation gripped at her heart when she met his obstinate and weary glance, as though she had expected to see him different. She was especially struck by the feeling of dissatisfaction with herself that she experienced on meeting him. That feeling was an intimate, familiar feeling, like a consciousness of hypocrisy, which she experienced in her relations with her husband. But hitherto she had not taken note of the feeling, now she was clearly and painfully aware of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, as you see, your tender spouse, as devoted as the first year after marriage, burned with impatience to see you,&#8221; he said in his deliberate, high-pitched voice, and in that tone which he almost always took with her, a tone of jeering at anyone who should say in earnest what he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is Seryozha quite well?&#8221; she asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And is this all the reward,&#8221; said he, &#8220;for my ardor? He's quite well.&#8230;&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 31&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Vronsky had not even tried to sleep all that night. He sat in his armchair, looking straight before him or scanning the people who got in and out. If he had indeed on previous occasions struck and impressed people who did not know him by his air of unhesitating composure, he seemed now more haughty and self-possessed than ever. He looked at people as if they were things. A nervous young man, a clerk in a law court, sitting opposite him, hated him for that look. The young man asked him for a light, and entered into conversation with him, and even pushed against him, to make him feel that he was not a thing, but a person. But Vronsky gazed at him exactly as he did at the lamp, and the young man made a wry face, feeling that he was losing his self-possession under the oppression of this refusal to recognize him as a person.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky saw nothing and no one. He felt himself a king, not because he believed that he had made an impression on Anna&#8212;he did not yet believe that,&#8212;but because the impression she had made on him gave him happiness and pride.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What would come of it all he did not know, he did not even think. He felt that all his forces, hitherto dissipated, wasted, were centered on one thing, and bent with fearful energy on one blissful goal. And he was happy at it. He knew only that he had told her the truth, that he had come where she was, that all the happiness of his life, the only meaning in life for him, now lay in seeing and hearing her. And when he got out of the carriage at Bologova to get some seltzer water, and caught sight of Anna, involuntarily his first word had told her just what he thought. And he was glad he had told her it, that she knew it now and was thinking of it. He did not sleep all night. When he was back in the carriage, he kept unceasingly going over every position in which he had seen her, every word she had uttered, and before his fancy, making his heart faint with emotion, floated pictures of a possible future.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When he got out of the train at Petersburg, he felt after his sleepless night as keen and fresh as after a cold bath. He paused near his compartment, waiting for her to get out. &#8220;Once more,&#8221; he said to himself, smiling unconsciously, &#8220;once more I shall see her walk, her face; she will say something, turn her head, glance, smile, maybe.&#8221; But before he caught sight of her, he saw her husband, whom the station-master was deferentially escorting through the crowd. &#8220;Ah, yes! The husband.&#8221; Only now for the first time did Vronsky realize clearly the fact that there was a person attached to her, a husband. He knew that she had a husband, but had hardly believed in his existence, and only now fully believed in him, with his head and shoulders, and his legs clad in black trousers; especially when he saw this husband calmly take her arm with a sense of property.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seeing Alexey Alexandrovitch with his Petersburg face and severely self-confident figure, in his round hat, with his rather prominent spine, he believed in him, and was aware of a disagreeable sensation, such as a man might feel tortured by thirst, who, on reaching a spring, should find a dog, a sheep, or a pig, who has drunk of it and muddied the water. Alexey Alexandrovitch's manner of walking, with a swing of the hips and flat feet, particularly annoyed Vronsky. He could recognize in no one but himself an indubitable right to love her. But she was still the same, and the sight of her affected him the same way, physically reviving him, stirring him, and filling his soul with rapture. He told his German valet, who ran up to him from the second class, to take his things and go on, and he himself went up to her. He saw the first meeting between the husband and wife, and noted with a lover's insight the signs of slight reserve with which she spoke to her husband. &#8220;No, she does not love him and cannot love him,&#8221; he decided to himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the moment when he was approaching Anna Arkadyevna he noticed too with joy that she was conscious of his being near, and looked round, and seeing him, turned again to her husband.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you passed a good night?&#8221; he asked, bowing to her and her husband together, and leaving it up to Alexey Alexandrovitch to accept the bow on his own account, and to recognize it or not, as he might see fit.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank you, very good,&#8221; she answered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her face looked weary, and there was not that play of eagerness in it, peeping out in her smile and her eyes; but for a single instant, as she glanced at him, there was a flash of something in her eyes, and although the flash died away at once, he was happy for that moment. She glanced at her husband to find out whether he knew Vronsky. Alexey Alexandrovitch looked at Vronsky with displeasure, vaguely recalling who this was. Vronsky's composure and self-confidence here struck, like a scythe against a stone, upon the cold self-confidence of Alexey Alexandrovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Count Vronsky,&#8221; said Anna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! We are acquainted, I believe,&#8221; said Alexey Alexandrovitch indifferently, giving his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You set off with the mother and you return with the son,&#8221; he said, articulating each syllable, as though each were a separate favor he was bestowing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're back from leave, I suppose?&#8221; he said, and without waiting for a reply, he turned to his wife in his jesting tone: &#8220;Well, were a great many tears shed at Moscow at parting?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
By addressing his wife like this he gave Vronsky to understand that he wished to be left alone, and, turning slightly towards him, he touched his hat; but Vronsky turned to Anna Arkadyevna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I hope I may have the honor of calling on you,&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch glanced with his weary eyes at Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Delighted,&#8221; he said coldly. &#8220;On Mondays we're at home. Most fortunate,&#8221; he said to his wife, dismissing Vronsky altogether, &#8220;that I should just have half an hour to meet you, so that I can prove my devotion,&#8221; he went on in the same jesting tone.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You lay too much stress on your devotion for me to value it much,&#8221; she responded in the same jesting tone, involuntarily listening to the sound of Vronsky's steps behind them. &#8220;But what has it to do with me?&#8221; she said to herself, and she began asking her husband how Seryozha had got on without her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, capitally! Mariette says he has been very good, And ... I must disappoint you ... but he has not missed you as your husband has. But once more &lt;i&gt;merci&lt;/i&gt;, my dear, for giving me a day. Our dear &lt;i&gt;Samovar&lt;/i&gt; will be delighted.&#8221; (He used to call the Countess Lidia Ivanovna, well known in society, a samovar, because she was always bubbling over with excitement.) &#8220;She has been continually asking after you. And, do you know, if I may venture to advise you, you should go and see her today. You know how she takes everything to heart. Just now, with all her own cares, she's anxious about the Oblonskys being brought together.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The Countess Lidia Ivanovna was a friend of her husband's, and the center of that one of the coteries of the Petersburg world with which Anna was, through her husband, in the closest relations.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you know I wrote to her?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Still she'll want to hear details. Go and see her, if you're not too tired, my dear. Well, Kondraty will take you in the carriage, while I go to my committee. I shall not be alone at dinner again,&#8221; Alexey Alexandrovitch went on, no longer in a sarcastic tone. &#8220;You wouldn't believe how I've missed....&#8221; And with a long pressure of her hand and a meaning smile, he put her in her carriage.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 32&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The first person to meet Anna at home was her son. He dashed down the stairs to her, in spite of the governess's call, and with desperate joy shrieked: &#8220;Mother! mother!&#8221; Running up to her, he hung on her neck.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I told you it was mother!&#8221; he shouted to the governess. &#8220;I knew!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And her son, like her husband, aroused in Anna a feeling akin to disappointment. She had imagined him better than he was in reality. She had to let herself drop down to the reality to enjoy him as he really was. But even as he was, he was charming, with his fair curls, his blue eyes, and his plump, graceful little legs in tightly pulled-up stockings. Anna experienced almost physical pleasure in the sensation of his nearness, and his caresses, and moral soothing, when she met his simple, confiding, and loving glance, and heard his na&#239;ve questions. Anna took out the presents Dolly's children had sent him, and told her son what sort of little girl was Tanya at Moscow, and how Tanya could read, and even taught the other children.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, am I not so nice as she?&#8221; asked Seryozha.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To me you're nicer than anyone in the world.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know that,&#8221; said Seryozha, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna had not had time to drink her coffee when the Countess Lidia Ivanovna was announced. The Countess Lidia Ivanovna was a tall, stout woman, with an unhealthily sallow face and splendid, pensive black eyes. Anna liked her, but today she seemed to be seeing her for the first time with all her defects.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, my dear, so you took the olive branch?&#8221; inquired Countess Lidia Ivanovna, as soon as she came into the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it's all over, but it was all much less serious than we had supposed,&#8221; answered Anna. &#8220;My &lt;i&gt;belle-s&#339;ur&lt;/i&gt; is in general too hasty.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Countess Lidia Ivanovna, though she was interested in everything that did not concern her, had a habit of never listening to what interested her; she interrupted Anna:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, there's plenty of sorrow and evil in the world. I am so worried today.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, why?&#8221; asked Anna, trying to suppress a smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm beginning to be weary of fruitlessly championing the truth, and sometimes I'm quite unhinged by it. The Society of the Little Sisters&#8221; (this was a religiously-patriotic, philanthropic institution) &#8220;was going splendidly, but with these gentlemen it's impossible to do anything,&#8221; added Countess Lidia Ivanovna in a tone of ironical submission to destiny. &#8220;They pounce on the idea, and distort it, and then work it out so pettily and unworthily. Two or three people, your husband among them, understand all the importance of the thing, but the others simply drag it down. Yesterday Pravdin wrote to me....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Pravdin was a well-known Panslavist abroad, and Countess Lidia Ivanovna described the purport of his letter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then the countess told her of more disagreements and intrigues against the work of the unification of the churches, and departed in haste, as she had that day to be at the meeting of some society and also at the Slavonic committee.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was all the same before, of course; but why was it I didn't notice it before?&#8221; Anna asked herself. &#8220;Or has she been very much irritated today? It's really ludicrous; her object is doing good; she a Christian, yet she's always angry; and she always has enemies, and always enemies in the name of Christianity and doing good.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After Countess Lidia Ivanovna another friend came, the wife of a chief secretary, who told her all the news of the town. At three o'clock she too went away, promising to come to dinner. Alexey Alexandrovitch was at the ministry. Anna, left alone, spent the time till dinner in assisting at her son's dinner (he dined apart from his parents) and in putting her things in order, and in reading and answering the notes and letters which had accumulated on her table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The feeling of causeless shame, which she had felt on the journey, and her excitement, too, had completely vanished. In the habitual conditions of her life she felt again resolute and irreproachable.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She recalled with wonder her state of mind on the previous day. &#8220;What was it? Nothing. Vronsky said something silly, which it was easy to put a stop to, and I answered as I ought to have done. To speak of it to my husband would be unnecessary and out of the question. To speak of it would be to attach importance to what has no importance.&#8221; She remembered how she had told her husband of what was almost a declaration made her at Petersburg by a young man, one of her husband's subordinates, and how Alexey Alexandrovitch had answered that every woman living in the world was exposed to such incidents, but that he had the fullest confidence in her tact, and could never lower her and himself by jealousy. &#8220;So then there's no reason to speak of it? And indeed, thank God, there's nothing to speak of,&#8221; she told herself.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 33&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Alexey Alexandrovitch came back from the meeting of the ministers at four o'clock, but as often happened, he had not time to come in to her. He went into his study to see the people waiting for him with petitions, and to sign some papers brought him by his chief secretary. At dinner time (there were always a few people dining with the Karenins) there arrived an old lady, a cousin of Alexey Alexandrovitch, the chief secretary of the department and his wife, and a young man who had been recommended to Alexey Alexandrovitch for the service. Anna went into the drawing-room to receive these guests. Precisely at five o'clock, before the bronze Peter the First clock had struck the fifth stroke, Alexey Alexandrovitch came in, wearing a white tie and evening coat with two stars, as he had to go out directly after dinner. Every minute of Alexey Alexandrovitch's life was portioned out and occupied. And to make time to get through all that lay before him every day, he adhered to the strictest punctuality. &#8220;Unhasting and unresting,&#8221; was his motto. He came into the dining hall, greeted everyone, and hurriedly sat down, smiling to his wife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, my solitude is over. You wouldn't believe how uncomfortable&#8221; (he laid stress on the word &lt;i&gt;uncomfortable&lt;/i&gt;) &#8220;it is to dine alone.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At dinner he talked a little to his wife about Moscow matters, and, with a sarcastic smile, asked her after Stepan Arkadyevitch; but the conversation was for the most part general, dealing with Petersburg official and public news. After dinner he spent half an hour with his guests, and again, with a smile, pressed his wife's hand, withdrew, and drove off to the council. Anna did not go out that evening either to the Princess Betsy Tverskaya, who, hearing of her return, had invited her, nor to the theater, where she had a box for that evening. She did not go out principally because the dress she had reckoned upon was not ready. Altogether, Anna, on turning, after the departure of her guests, to the consideration of her attire, was very much annoyed. She was generally a mistress of the art of dressing well without great expense, and before leaving Moscow she had given her dressmaker three dresses to transform. The dresses had to be altered so that they could not be recognized, and they ought to have been ready three days before. It appeared that two dresses had not been done at all, while the other one had not been altered as Anna had intended. The dressmaker came to explain, declaring that it would be better as she had done it, and Anna was so furious that she felt ashamed when she thought of it afterwards. To regain her serenity completely she went into the nursery, and spent the whole evening with her son, put him to bed herself, signed him with the cross, and tucked him up. She was glad she had not gone out anywhere, and had spent the evening so well. She felt so light-hearted and serene, she saw so clearly that all that had seemed to her so important on her railway journey was only one of the common trivial incidents of fashionable life, and that she had no reason to feel ashamed before anyone else or before herself. Anna sat down at the hearth with an English novel and waited for her husband. Exactly at half-past nine she heard his ring, and he came into the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here you are at last!&#8221; she observed, holding out her hand to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He kissed her hand and sat down beside her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Altogether then, I see your visit was a success,&#8221; he said to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes,&#8221; she said, and she began telling him about everything from the beginning: her journey with Countess Vronskaya, her arrival, the accident at the station. Then she described the pity she had felt, first for her brother, and afterwards for Dolly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I imagine one cannot exonerate such a man from blame, though he is your brother,&#8221; said Alexey Alexandrovitch severely.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna smiled. She knew that he said that simply to show that family considerations could not prevent him from expressing his genuine opinion. She knew that characteristic in her husband, and liked it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am glad it has all ended so satisfactorily, and that you are back again,&#8221; he went on. &#8220;Come, what do they say about the new act I have got passed in the council?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna had heard nothing of this act, and she felt conscience-stricken at having been able so readily to forget what was to him of such importance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here, on the other hand, it has made a great sensation,&#8221; he said, with a complacent smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She saw that Alexey Alexandrovitch wanted to tell her something pleasant to him about it, and she brought him by questions to telling it. With the same complacent smile he told her of the ovations he had received in consequence of the act he had passed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was very, very glad. It shows that at last a reasonable and steady view of the matter is becoming prevalent among us.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Having drunk his second cup of tea with cream, and bread, Alexey Alexandrovitch got up, and was going towards his study.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And you've not been anywhere this evening? You've been dull, I expect?&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no!&#8221; she answered, getting up after him and accompanying him across the room to his study. &#8220;What are you reading now?&#8221; she asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just now I'm reading Duc de Lille, &lt;i&gt;Po&#233;sie des Enfers&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; he answered. &#8220;A very remarkable book.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna smiled, as people smile at the weaknesses of those they love, and, putting her hand under his, she escorted him to the door of the study. She knew his habit, that had grown into a necessity, of reading in the evening. She knew, too, that in spite of his official duties, which swallowed up almost the whole of his time, he considered it his duty to keep up with everything of note that appeared in the intellectual world. She knew, too, that he was really interested in books dealing with politics, philosophy, and theology, that art was utterly foreign to his nature; but, in spite of this, or rather, in consequence of it, Alexey Alexandrovitch never passed over anything in the world of art, but made it his duty to read everything. She knew that in politics, in philosophy, in theology, Alexey Alexandrovitch often had doubts, and made investigations; but on questions of art and poetry, and, above all, of music, of which he was totally devoid of understanding, he had the most distinct and decided opinions. He was fond of talking about Shakespeare, Raphael, Beethoven, of the significance of new schools of poetry and music, all of which were classified by him with very conspicuous consistency.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, God be with you,&#8221; she said at the door of the study, where a shaded candle and a decanter of water were already put by his armchair. &#8220;And I'll write to Moscow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He pressed her hand, and again kissed it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All the same he's a good man; truthful, good-hearted, and remarkable in his own line,&#8221; Anna said to herself going back to her room, as though she were defending him to someone who had attacked him and said that one could not love him. &#8220;But why is it his ears stick out so strangely? Or has he had his hair cut?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Precisely at twelve o'clock, when Anna was still sitting at her writing-table, finishing a letter to Dolly, she heard the sound of measured steps in slippers, and Alexey Alexandrovitch, freshly washed and combed, with a book under his arm, came in to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's time, it's time,&#8221; said he, with a meaning smile, and he went into their bedroom.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And what right had he to look at him like that?&#8221; thought Anna, recalling Vronsky's glance at Alexey Alexandrovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Undressing, she went into the bedroom; but her face had none of the eagerness which, during her stay in Moscow, had fairly flashed from her eyes and her smile; on the contrary, now the fire seemed quenched in her, hidden somewhere far away.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 34&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When Vronsky went to Moscow from Petersburg, he had left his large set of rooms in Morskaia to his friend and favorite comrade Petritsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Petritsky was a young lieutenant, not particularly well-connected, and not merely not wealthy, but always hopelessly in debt. Towards evening he was always drunk, and he had often been locked up after all sorts of ludicrous and disgraceful scandals, but he was a favorite both of his comrades and his superior officers. On arriving at twelve o'clock from the station at his flat, Vronsky saw, at the outer door, a hired carriage familiar to him. While still outside his own door, as he rang, he heard masculine laughter, the lisp of a feminine voice, and Petritsky's voice. &#8220;If that's one of the villains, don't let him in!&#8221; Vronsky told the servant not to announce him, and slipped quietly into the first room. Baroness Shilton, a friend of Petritsky's, with a rosy little face and flaxen hair, resplendent in a lilac satin gown, and filling the whole room, like a canary, with her Parisian chatter, sat at the round table making coffee. Petritsky, in his overcoat, and the cavalry captain Kamerovsky, in full uniform, probably just come from duty, were sitting each side of her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bravo! Vronsky!&#8221; shouted Petritsky, jumping up, scraping his chair. &#8220;Our host himself! Baroness, some coffee for him out of the new coffee pot. Why, we didn't expect you! Hope you're satisfied with the ornament of your study,&#8221; he said, indicating the baroness. &#8220;You know each other, of course?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I should think so,&#8221; said Vronsky, with a bright smile, pressing the baroness's little hand. &#8220;What next! I'm an old friend.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're home after a journey,&#8221; said the baroness, &#8220;so I'm flying. Oh, I'll be off this minute, if I'm in the way.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're home, wherever you are, baroness,&#8221; said Vronsky. &#8220;How do you do, Kamerovsky?&#8221; he added, coldly shaking hands with Kamerovsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There, you never know how to say such pretty things,&#8221; said the baroness, turning to Petritsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; what's that for? After dinner I say things quite as good.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;After dinner there's no credit in them? Well, then, I'll make you some coffee, so go and wash and get ready,&#8221; said the baroness, sitting down again, and anxiously turning the screw in the new coffee pot. &#8220;Pierre, give me the coffee,&#8221; she said, addressing Petritsky, whom she called Pierre as a contraction of his surname, making no secret of her relations with him. &#8220;I'll put it in.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'll spoil it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I won't spoil it! Well, and your wife?&#8221; said the baroness suddenly, interrupting Vronsky's conversation with his comrade. &#8220;We've been marrying you here. Have you brought your wife?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, baroness. I was born a Bohemian, and a Bohemian I shall die.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So much the better, so much the better. Shake hands on it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the baroness, detaining Vronsky, began telling him, with many jokes, about her last new plans of life, asking his advice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He persists in refusing to give me a divorce! Well, what am I to do?&#8221; (&lt;i&gt;He&lt;/i&gt; was her husband.) &#8220;Now I want to begin a suit against him. What do you advise? Kamerovsky, look after the coffee; it's boiling over. You see, I'm engrossed with business! I want a lawsuit, because I must have my property. Do you understand the folly of it, that on the pretext of my being unfaithful to him,&#8221; she said contemptuously, &#8220;he wants to get the benefit of my fortune.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky heard with pleasure this light-hearted prattle of a pretty woman, agreed with her, gave her half-joking counsel, and altogether dropped at once into the tone habitual to him in talking to such women. In his Petersburg world all people were divided into utterly opposed classes. One, the lower class, vulgar, stupid, and, above all, ridiculous people, who believe that one husband ought to live with the one wife whom he has lawfully married; that a girl should be innocent, a woman modest, and a man manly, self-controlled, and strong; that one ought to bring up one's children, earn one's bread, and pay one's debts; and various similar absurdities. This was the class of old-fashioned and ridiculous people. But there was another class of people, the real people. To this class they all belonged, and in it the great thing was to be elegant, generous, plucky, gay, to abandon oneself without a blush to every passion, and to laugh at everything else.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For the first moment only, Vronsky was startled after the impression of a quite different world that he had brought with him from Moscow. But immediately as though slipping his feet into old slippers, he dropped back into the light-hearted, pleasant world he had always lived in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The coffee was never really made, but spluttered over everyone, and boiled away, doing just what was required of it&#8212;that is, providing much cause for much noise and laughter, and spoiling a costly rug and the baroness's gown.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well now, good-bye, or you'll never get washed, and I shall have on my conscience the worst sin a gentleman can commit. So you would advise a knife to his throat?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be sure, and manage that your hand may not be far from his lips. He'll kiss your hand, and all will end satisfactorily,&#8221; answered Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So at the Fran&#231;ais!&#8221; and, with a rustle of her skirts, she vanished.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kamerovsky got up too, and Vronsky, not waiting for him to go, shook hands and went off to his dressing-room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
While he was washing, Petritsky described to him in brief outlines his position, as far as it had changed since Vronsky had left Petersburg. No money at all. His father said he wouldn't give him any and pay his debts. His tailor was trying to get him locked up, and another fellow, too, was threatening to get him locked up. The colonel of the regiment had announced that if these scandals did not cease he would have to leave. As for the baroness, he was sick to death of her, especially since she'd taken to offering continually to lend him money. But he had found a girl&#8212;he'd show her to Vronsky&#8212;a marvel, exquisite, in the strict Oriental style, &#8220;genre of the slave Rebecca, don't you know.&#8221; He'd had a row, too, with Berkoshov, and was going to send seconds to him, but of course it would come to nothing. Altogether everything was supremely amusing and jolly. And, not letting his comrade enter into further details of his position, Petritsky proceeded to tell him all the interesting news. As he listened to Petritsky's familiar stories in the familiar setting of the rooms he had spent the last three years in, Vronsky felt a delightful sense of coming back to the careless Petersburg life that he was used to.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Impossible!&#8221; he cried, letting down the pedal of the washing basin in which he had been sousing his healthy red neck. &#8220;Impossible!&#8221; he cried, at the news that Laura had flung over Fertinghof and had made up to Mileev. &#8220;And is he as stupid and pleased as ever? Well, and how's Buzulukov?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, there is a tale about Buzulukov&#8212;simply lovely!&#8221; cried Petritsky. &#8220;You know his weakness for balls, and he never misses a single court ball. He went to a big ball in a new helmet. Have you seen the new helmets? Very nice, lighter. Well, so he's standing.... No, I say, do listen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am listening,&#8221; answered Vronsky, rubbing himself with a rough towel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Up comes the Grand Duchess with some ambassador or other, and, as ill-luck would have it, she begins talking to him about the new helmets. The Grand Duchess positively wanted to show the new helmet to the ambassador. They see our friend standing there.&#8221; (Petritsky mimicked how he was standing with the helmet.) &#8220;The Grand Duchess asked him to give her the helmet; he doesn't give it to her. What do you think of that? Well, everyone's winking at him, nodding, frowning&#8212;give it to her, do! He doesn't give it to her. He's mute as a fish. Only picture it!... Well, the ... what's his name, whatever he was ... tries to take the helmet from him ... he won't give it up!... He pulls it from him, and hands it to the Grand Duchess. &#8216;Here, your Highness,' says he, &#8216;is the new helmet.' She turned the helmet the other side up, And&#8212;just picture it!&#8212;plop went a pear and sweetmeats out of it, two pounds of sweetmeats!... He'd been storing them up, the darling!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky burst into roars of laughter. And long afterwards, when he was talking of other things, he broke out into his healthy laugh, showing his strong, close rows of teeth, when he thought of the helmet.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Having heard all the news, Vronsky, with the assistance of his valet, got into his uniform, and went off to report himself. He intended, when he had done that, to drive to his brother's and to Betsy's and to pay several visits with a view to beginning to go into that society where he might meet Madame Karenina. As he always did in Petersburg, he left home not meaning to return till late at night.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTTWO&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART TWO&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 1&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;At the end of the winter, in the Shtcherbatskys' house, a consultation was being held, which was to pronounce on the state of Kitty's health and the measures to be taken to restore her failing strength. She had been ill, and as spring came on she grew worse. The family doctor gave her cod liver oil, then iron, then nitrate of silver, but as the first and the second and the third were alike in doing no good, and as his advice when spring came was to go abroad, a celebrated physician was called in. The celebrated physician, a very handsome man, still youngish, asked to examine the patient. He maintained, with peculiar satisfaction, it seemed, that maiden modesty is a mere relic of barbarism, and that nothing could be more natural than for a man still youngish to handle a young girl naked. He thought it natural because he did it every day, and felt and thought, as it seemed to him, no harm as he did it and consequently he considered modesty in the girl not merely as a relic of barbarism, but also as an insult to himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was nothing for it but to submit, since, although all the doctors had studied in the same school, had read the same books, and learned the same science, and though some people said this celebrated doctor was a bad doctor, in the princess's household and circle it was for some reason accepted that this celebrated doctor alone had some special knowledge, and that he alone could save Kitty. After a careful examination and sounding of the bewildered patient, dazed with shame, the celebrated doctor, having scrupulously washed his hands, was standing in the drawing-room talking to the prince. The prince frowned and coughed, listening to the doctor. As a man who had seen something of life, and neither a fool nor an invalid, he had no faith in medicine, and in his heart was furious at the whole farce, specially as he was perhaps the only one who fully comprehended the cause of Kitty's illness. &#8220;Conceited blockhead!&#8221; he thought, as he listened to the celebrated doctor's chatter about his daughter's symptoms. The doctor was meantime with difficulty restraining the expression of his contempt for this old gentleman, and with difficulty condescending to the level of his intelligence. He perceived that it was no good talking to the old man, and that the principal person in the house was the mother. Before her he decided to scatter his pearls. At that instant the princess came into the drawing-room with the family doctor. The prince withdrew, trying not to show how ridiculous he thought the whole performance. The princess was distracted, and did not know what to do. She felt she had sinned against Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, doctor, decide our fate,&#8221; said the princess. &#8220;Tell me everything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is there hope?&#8221; she meant to say, but her lips quivered, and she could not utter the question. &#8220;Well, doctor?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Immediately, princess. I will talk it over with my colleague, and then I will have the honor of laying my opinion before you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So we had better leave you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As you please.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The princess went out with a sigh.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the doctors were left alone, the family doctor began timidly explaining his opinion, that there was a commencement of tuberculous trouble, but ... and so on. The celebrated doctor listened to him, and in the middle of his sentence looked at his big gold watch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; said he. &#8220;But....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The family doctor respectfully ceased in the middle of his observations.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The commencement of the tuberculous process we are not, as you are aware, able to define; till there are cavities, there is nothing definite. But we may suspect it. And there are indications; malnutrition, nervous excitability, and so on. The question stands thus: in presence of indications of tuberculous process, what is to be done to maintain nutrition?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, you know, there are always moral, spiritual causes at the back in these cases,&#8221; the family doctor permitted himself to interpolate with a subtle smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that's an understood thing,&#8221; responded the celebrated physician, again glancing at his watch. &#8220;Beg pardon, is the Yausky bridge done yet, or shall I have to drive around?&#8221; he asked. &#8220;Ah! it is. Oh, well, then I can do it in twenty minutes. So we were saying the problem may be put thus: to maintain nutrition and to give tone to the nerves. The one is in close connection with the other, one must attack both sides at once.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And how about a tour abroad?&#8221; asked the family doctor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've no liking for foreign tours. And take note: if there is an early stage of tuberculous process, of which we cannot be certain, a foreign tour will be of no use. What is wanted is means of improving nutrition, and not for lowering it.&#8221; And the celebrated doctor expounded his plan of treatment with Soden waters, a remedy obviously prescribed primarily on the ground that they could do no harm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The family doctor listened attentively and respectfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But in favor of foreign travel I would urge the change of habits, the removal from conditions calling up reminiscences. And then the mother wishes it,&#8221; he added.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! Well, in that case, to be sure, let them go. Only, those German quacks are mischievous.... They ought to be persuaded.... Well, let them go then.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He glanced once more at his watch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh! time's up already,&#8221; And he went to the door. The celebrated doctor announced to the princess (a feeling of what was due from him dictated his doing so) that he ought to see the patient once more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What! another examination!&#8221; cried the mother, with horror.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, only a few details, princess.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come this way.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the mother, accompanied by the doctor, went into the drawing-room to Kitty. Wasted and flushed, with a peculiar glitter in her eyes, left there by the agony of shame she had been put through, Kitty stood in the middle of the room. When the doctor came in she flushed crimson, and her eyes filled with tears. All her illness and treatment struck her as a thing so stupid, ludicrous even! Doctoring her seemed to her as absurd as putting together the pieces of a broken vase. Her heart was broken. Why would they try to cure her with pills and powders? But she could not grieve her mother, especially as her mother considered herself to blame.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;May I trouble you to sit down, princess?&#8221; the celebrated doctor said to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He sat down with a smile, facing her, felt her pulse, and again began asking her tiresome questions. She answered him, and all at once got up, furious.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me, doctor, but there is really no object in this. This is the third time you've asked me the same thing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The celebrated doctor did not take offense.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nervous irritability,&#8221; he said to the princess, when Kitty had left the room. &#8220;However, I had finished....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the doctor began scientifically explaining to the princess, as an exceptionally intelligent woman, the condition of the young princess, and concluded by insisting on the drinking of the waters, which were certainly harmless. At the question: Should they go abroad? the doctor plunged into deep meditation, as though resolving a weighty problem. Finally his decision was pronounced: they were to go abroad, but to put no faith in foreign quacks, and to apply to him in any need.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It seemed as though some piece of good fortune had come to pass after the doctor had gone. The mother was much more cheerful when she went back to her daughter, and Kitty pretended to be more cheerful. She had often, almost always, to be pretending now.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Really, I'm quite well, mamma. But if you want to go abroad, let's go!&#8221; she said, and trying to appear interested in the proposed tour, she began talking of the preparations for the journey.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 2&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Soon after the doctor, Dolly had arrived. She knew that there was to be a consultation that day, and though she was only just up after her confinement (she had another baby, a little girl, born at the end of the winter), though she had trouble and anxiety enough of her own, she had left her tiny baby and a sick child, to come and hear Kitty's fate, which was to be decided that day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, well?&#8221; she said, coming into the drawing-room, without taking off her hat. &#8220;You're all in good spirits. Good news, then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They tried to tell her what the doctor had said, but it appeared that though the doctor had talked distinctly enough and at great length, it was utterly impossible to report what he had said. The only point of interest was that it was settled they should go abroad.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Dolly could not help sighing. Her dearest friend, her sister, was going away. And her life was not a cheerful one. Her relations with Stepan Arkadyevitch after their reconciliation had become humiliating. The union Anna had cemented turned out to be of no solid character, and family harmony was breaking down again at the same point. There had been nothing definite, but Stepan Arkadyevitch was hardly ever at home; money, too, was hardly ever forthcoming, and Dolly was continually tortured by suspicions of infidelity, which she tried to dismiss, dreading the agonies of jealousy she had been through already. The first onslaught of jealousy, once lived through, could never come back again, and even the discovery of infidelities could never now affect her as it had the first time. Such a discovery now would only mean breaking up family habits, and she let herself be deceived, despising him and still more herself, for the weakness. Besides this, the care of her large family was a constant worry to her: first, the nursing of her young baby did not go well, then the nurse had gone away, now one of the children had fallen ill.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, how are all of you?&#8221; asked her mother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, mamma, we have plenty of troubles of our own. Lili is ill, and I'm afraid it's scarlatina. I have come here now to hear about Kitty, and then I shall shut myself up entirely, if&#8212;God forbid&#8212;it should be scarlatina.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old prince too had come in from his study after the doctor's departure, and after presenting his cheek to Dolly, and saying a few words to her, he turned to his wife:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How have you settled it? you're going? Well, and what do you mean to do with me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I suppose you had better stay here, Alexander,&#8221; said his wife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's as you like.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma, why shouldn't father come with us?&#8221; said Kitty. &#8220;It would be nicer for him and for us too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old prince got up and stroked Kitty's hair. She lifted her head and looked at him with a forced smile. It always seemed to her that he understood her better than anyone in the family, though he did not say much about her. Being the youngest, she was her father's favorite, and she fancied that his love gave him insight. When now her glance met his blue kindly eyes looking intently at her, it seemed to her that he saw right through her, and understood all that was not good that was passing within her. Reddening, she stretched out towards him expecting a kiss, but he only patted her hair and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;These stupid chignons! There's no getting at the real daughter. One simply strokes the bristles of dead women. Well, Dolinka,&#8221; he turned to his elder daughter, &#8220;what's your young buck about, hey?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing, father,&#8221; answered Dolly, understanding that her husband was meant. &#8220;He's always out; I scarcely ever see him,&#8221; she could not resist adding with a sarcastic smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, hasn't he gone into the country yet&#8212;to see about selling that forest?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, he's still getting ready for the journey.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, that's it!&#8221; said the prince. &#8220;And so am I to be getting ready for a journey too? At your service,&#8221; he said to his wife, sitting down. &#8220;And I tell you what, Katia,&#8221; he went on to his younger daughter, &#8220;you must wake up one fine day and say to yourself: Why, I'm quite well, and merry, and going out again with father for an early morning walk in the frost. Hey?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
What her father said seemed simple enough, yet at these words Kitty became confused and overcome like a detected criminal. &#8220;Yes, he sees it all, he understands it all, and in these words he's telling me that though I'm ashamed, I must get over my shame.&#8221; She could not pluck up spirit to make any answer. She tried to begin, and all at once burst into tears, and rushed out of the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;See what comes of your jokes!&#8221; the princess pounced down on her husband. &#8220;You're always....&#8221; she began a string of reproaches.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prince listened to the princess's scolding rather a long while without speaking, but his face was more and more frowning.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's so much to be pitied, poor child, so much to be pitied, and you don't feel how it hurts her to hear the slightest reference to the cause of it. Ah! to be so mistaken in people!&#8221; said the princess, and by the change in her tone both Dolly and the prince knew she was speaking of Vronsky. &#8220;I don't know why there aren't laws against such base, dishonorable people.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, I can't bear to hear you!&#8221; said the prince gloomily, getting up from his low chair, and seeming anxious to get away, yet stopping in the doorway. &#8220;There are laws, madam, and since you've challenged me to it, I'll tell you who's to blame for it all: you and you, you and nobody else. Laws against such young gallants there have always been, and there still are! Yes, if there has been nothing that ought not to have been, old as I am, I'd have called him out to the barrier, the young dandy. Yes, and now you physic her and call in these quacks.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prince apparently had plenty more to say, but as soon as the princess heard his tone she subsided at once, and became penitent, as she always did on serious occasions.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alexander, Alexander,&#8221; she whispered, moving to him and beginning to weep.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As soon as she began to cry the prince too calmed down. He went up to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There, that's enough, that's enough! You're wretched too, I know. It can't be helped. There's no great harm done. God is merciful ... thanks....&#8221; he said, not knowing what he was saying, as he responded to the tearful kiss of the princess that he felt on his hand. And the prince went out of the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Before this, as soon as Kitty went out of the room in tears, Dolly, with her motherly, family instincts, had promptly perceived that here a woman's work lay before her, and she prepared to do it. She took off her hat, and, morally speaking, tucked up her sleeves and prepared for action. While her mother was attacking her father, she tried to restrain her mother, so far as filial reverence would allow. During the prince's outburst she was silent; she felt ashamed for her mother, and tender towards her father for so quickly being kind again. But when her father left them she made ready for what was the chief thing needful&#8212;to go to Kitty and console her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'd been meaning to tell you something for a long while, mamma: did you know that Levin meant to make Kitty an offer when he was here the last time? He told Stiva so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what then? I don't understand....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So did Kitty perhaps refuse him?... She didn't tell you so?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, she has said nothing to me either of one or the other; she's too proud. But I know it's all on account of the other.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but suppose she has refused Levin, and she wouldn't have refused him if it hadn't been for the other, I know. And then, he has deceived her so horribly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was too terrible for the princess to think how she had sinned against her daughter, and she broke out angrily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I really don't understand! Nowadays they will all go their own way, and mothers haven't a word to say in anything, and then....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma, I'll go up to her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, do. Did I tell you not to?&#8221; said her mother.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 3&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When she went into Kitty's little room, a pretty, pink little room, full of knick-knacks in &lt;i&gt;vieux saxe&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb7&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;vieux saxe &#8211; old Saxony&#034; id=&#034;nh7&#034;&gt;7&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, as fresh, and pink, and white, and gay as Kitty herself had been two months ago, Dolly remembered how they had decorated the room the year before together, with what love and gaiety. Her heart turned cold when she saw Kitty sitting on a low chair near the door, her eyes fixed immovably on a corner of the rug. Kitty glanced at her sister, and the cold, rather ill-tempered expression of her face did not change.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm just going now, and I shall have to keep in and you won't be able to come to see me,&#8221; said Dolly, sitting down beside her. &#8220;I want to talk to you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What about?&#8221; Kitty asked swiftly, lifting her head in dismay.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What should it be, but your trouble?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have no trouble.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nonsense, Kitty. Do you suppose I could help knowing? I know all about it. And believe me, it's of so little consequence.... We've all been through it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty did not speak, and her face had a stern expression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's not worth your grieving over him,&#8221; pursued Darya Alexandrovna, coming straight to the point.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, because he has treated me with contempt,&#8221; said Kitty, in a breaking voice. &#8220;Don't talk of it! Please, don't talk of it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But who can have told you so? No one has said that. I'm certain he was in love with you, and would still be in love with you, if it hadn't....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, the most awful thing of all for me is this sympathizing!&#8221; shrieked Kitty, suddenly flying into a passion. She turned round on her chair, flushed crimson, and rapidly moving her fingers, pinched the clasp of her belt first with one hand and then with the other. Dolly knew this trick her sister had of clenching her hands when she was much excited; she knew, too, that in moments of excitement Kitty was capable of forgetting herself and saying a great deal too much, and Dolly would have soothed her, but it was too late.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What, what is it you want to make me feel, eh?&#8221; said Kitty quickly. &#8220;That I've been in love with a man who didn't care a straw for me, and that I'm dying of love for him? And this is said to me by my own sister, who imagines that ... that ... that she's sympathizing with me!... I don't want these condolences and humbug!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kitty, you're unjust.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are you tormenting me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I ... quite the contrary ... I see you're unhappy....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Kitty in her fury did not hear her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've nothing to grieve over and be comforted about. I am too proud ever to allow myself to care for a man who does not love me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I don't say so either.... Only one thing. Tell me the truth,&#8221; said Darya Alexandrovna, taking her by the hand: &#8220;tell me, did Levin speak to you?...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The mention of Levin's name seemed to deprive Kitty of the last vestige of self-control. She leaped up from her chair, and flinging her clasp on the ground, she gesticulated rapidly with her hands and said:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why bring Levin in too? I can't understand what you want to torment me for. I've told you, and I say it again, that I have some pride, and never, &lt;i&gt;never&lt;/i&gt; would I do as you're doing&#8212;go back to a man who's deceived you, who has cared for another woman. I can't understand it! You may, but I can't!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And saying these words she glanced at her sister, and seeing that Dolly sat silent, her head mournfully bowed, Kitty, instead of running out of the room as she had meant to do, sat down near the door, and hid her face in her handkerchief.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The silence lasted for two minutes: Dolly was thinking of herself. That humiliation of which she was always conscious came back to her with a peculiar bitterness when her sister reminded her of it. She had not looked for such cruelty in her sister, and she was angry with her. But suddenly she heard the rustle of a skirt, and with it the sound of heart-rending, smothered sobbing, and felt arms about her neck. Kitty was on her knees before her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Dolinka, I am so, so wretched!&#8221; she whispered penitently. And the sweet face covered with tears hid itself in Darya Alexandrovna's skirt.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As though tears were the indispensable oil, without which the machinery of mutual confidence could not run smoothly between the two sisters, the sisters after their tears talked, not of what was uppermost in their minds, but, though they talked of outside matters, they understood each other. Kitty knew that the words she had uttered in anger about her husband's infidelity and her humiliating position had cut her poor sister to the heart, but that she had forgiven her. Dolly for her part knew all she had wanted to find out. She felt certain that her surmises were correct; that Kitty's misery, her inconsolable misery, was due precisely to the fact that Levin had made her an offer and she had refused him, and Vronsky had deceived her, and that she was fully prepared to love Levin and to detest Vronsky. Kitty said not a word of that; she talked of nothing but her spiritual condition.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have nothing to make me miserable,&#8221; she said, getting calmer; &#8220;but can you understand that everything has become hateful, loathsome, coarse to me, and I myself most of all? You can't imagine what loathsome thoughts I have about everything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, whatever loathsome thoughts can you have?&#8221; asked Dolly, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The most utterly loathsome and coarse: I can't tell you. It's not unhappiness, or low spirits, but much worse. As though everything that was good in me was all hidden away, and nothing was left but the most loathsome. Come, how am I to tell you?&#8221; she went on, seeing the puzzled look in her sister's eyes. &#8220;Father began saying something to me just now.... It seems to me he thinks all I want is to be married. Mother takes me to a ball: it seems to me she only takes me to get me married off as soon as may be, and be rid of me. I know it's not the truth, but I can't drive away such thoughts. Eligible suitors, as they call them&#8212;I can't bear to see them. It seems to me they're taking stock of me and summing me up. In old days to go anywhere in a ball dress was a simple joy to me, I admired myself; now I feel ashamed and awkward. And then! The doctor.... Then....&#8221; Kitty hesitated; she wanted to say further that ever since this change had taken place in her, Stepan Arkadyevitch had become insufferably repulsive to her, and that she could not see him without the grossest and most hideous conceptions rising before her imagination.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well, everything presents itself to me, in the coarsest, most loathsome light,&#8221; she went on. &#8220;That's my illness. Perhaps it will pass off.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you mustn't think about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can't help it. I'm never happy except with the children at your house.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a pity you can't be with me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, I'm coming. I've had scarlatina, and I'll persuade mamma to let me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty insisted on having her way, and went to stay at her sister's and nursed the children all through the scarlatina, for scarlatina it turned out to be. The two sisters brought all the six children successfully through it, but Kitty was no better in health, and in Lent the Shtcherbatskys went abroad.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 4&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The highest Petersburg society is essentially one: in it everyone knows everyone else, everyone even visits everyone else. But this great set has its subdivisions. Anna Arkadyevna Karenina had friends and close ties in three different circles of this highest society. One circle was her husband's government official set, consisting of his colleagues and subordinates, brought together in the most various and capricious manner, and belonging to different social strata. Anna found it difficult now to recall the feeling of almost awe-stricken reverence which she had at first entertained for these persons. Now she knew all of them as people know one another in a country town; she knew their habits and weaknesses, and where the shoe pinched each one of them. She knew their relations with one another and with the head authorities, knew who was for whom, and how each one maintained his position, and where they agreed and disagreed. But the circle of political, masculine interests had never interested her, in spite of countess Lidia Ivanovna's influence, and she avoided it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Another little set with which Anna was in close relations was the one by means of which Alexey Alexandrovitch had made his career. The center of this circle was the Countess Lidia Ivanovna. It was a set made up of elderly, ugly, benevolent, and godly women, and clever, learned, and ambitious men. One of the clever people belonging to the set had called it &#8220;the conscience of Petersburg society.&#8221; Alexey Alexandrovitch had the highest esteem for this circle, and Anna with her special gift for getting on with everyone, had in the early days of her life in Petersburg made friends in this circle also. Now, since her return from Moscow, she had come to feel this set insufferable. It seemed to her that both she and all of them were insincere, and she felt so bored and ill at ease in that world that she went to see the Countess Lidia Ivanovna as little as possible.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The third circle with which Anna had ties was preeminently the fashionable world&#8212;the world of balls, of dinners, of sumptuous dresses, the world that hung on to the court with one hand, so as to avoid sinking to the level of the demi-monde. For the demi-monde the members of that fashionable world believed that they despised, though their tastes were not merely similar, but in fact identical. Her connection with this circle was kept up through Princess Betsy Tverskaya, her cousin's wife, who had an income of a hundred and twenty thousand roubles, and who had taken a great fancy to Anna ever since she first came out, showed her much attention, and drew her into her set, making fun of Countess Lidia Ivanovna's coterie.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When I'm old and ugly I'll be the same,&#8221; Betsy used to say; &#8220;but for a pretty young woman like you it's early days for that house of charity.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna had at first avoided as far as she could Princess Tverskaya's world, because it necessitated an expenditure beyond her means, and besides in her heart she preferred the first circle. But since her visit to Moscow she had done quite the contrary. She avoided her serious-minded friends, and went out into the fashionable world. There she met Vronsky, and experienced an agitating joy at those meetings. She met Vronsky specially often at Betsy's for Betsy was a Vronsky by birth and his cousin. Vronsky was everywhere where he had any chance of meeting Anna, and speaking to her, when he could, of his love. She gave him no encouragement, but every time she met him there surged up in her heart that same feeling of quickened life that had come upon her that day in the railway carriage when she saw him for the first time. She was conscious herself that her delight sparkled in her eyes and curved her lips into a smile, and she could not quench the expression of this delight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At first Anna sincerely believed that she was displeased with him for daring to pursue her. Soon after her return from Moscow, on arriving at a &lt;i&gt;soir&#233;e&lt;/i&gt; where she had expected to meet him, and not finding him there, she realized distinctly from the rush of disappointment that she had been deceiving herself, and that this pursuit was not merely not distasteful to her, but that it made the whole interest of her life.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The celebrated singer was singing for the second time, and all the fashionable world was in the theater. Vronsky, seeing his cousin from his stall in the front row, did not wait till the &lt;i&gt;entr'acte&lt;/i&gt;, but went to her box.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why didn't you come to dinner?&#8221; she said to him. &#8220;I marvel at the second sight of lovers,&#8221; she added with a smile, so that no one but he could hear; &#8220;she wasn't there. But come after the opera.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky looked inquiringly at her. She nodded. He thanked her by a smile, and sat down beside her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But how I remember your jeers!&#8221; continued Princess Betsy, who took a peculiar pleasure in following up this passion to a successful issue. &#8220;What's become of all that? You're caught, my dear boy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's my one desire, to be caught,&#8221; answered Vronsky, with his serene, good-humored smile. &#8220;If I complain of anything it's only that I'm not caught enough, to tell the truth. I begin to lose hope.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, whatever hope can you have?&#8221; said Betsy, offended on behalf of her friend. &#8220;Entendons nous....&#8221; But in her eyes there were gleams of light that betrayed that she understood perfectly and precisely as he did what hope he might have.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;None whatever,&#8221; said Vronsky, laughing and showing his even rows of teeth. &#8220;Excuse me,&#8221; he added, taking an opera-glass out of her hand, and proceeding to scrutinize, over her bare shoulder, the row of boxes facing them. &#8220;I'm afraid I'm becoming ridiculous.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was very well aware that he ran no risk of being ridiculous in the eyes of Betsy or any other fashionable people. He was very well aware that in their eyes the position of an unsuccessful lover of a girl, or of any woman free to marry, might be ridiculous. But the position of a man pursuing a married woman, and, regardless of everything, staking his life on drawing her into adultery, has something fine and grand about it, and can never be ridiculous; and so it was with a proud and gay smile under his mustaches that he lowered the opera-glass and looked at his cousin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why was it you didn't come to dinner?&#8221; she said, admiring him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must tell you about that. I was busily employed, and doing what, do you suppose? I'll give you a hundred guesses, a thousand ... you'd never guess. I've been reconciling a husband with a man who'd insulted his wife. Yes, really!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, did you succeed?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Almost.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You really must tell me about it,&#8221; she said, getting up. &#8220;Come to me in the next &lt;i&gt;entr'acte&lt;/i&gt;.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can't; I'm going to the French theater.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From Nilsson?&#8221; Betsy queried in horror, though she could not herself have distinguished Nilsson's voice from any chorus girl's.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Can't help it. I've an appointment there, all to do with my mission of peace.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;Blessed are the peacemakers; theirs is the kingdom of heaven,'&#8221; said Betsy, vaguely recollecting she had heard some similar saying from someone. &#8220;Very well, then, sit down, and tell me what it's all about.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And she sat down again.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 5&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;This is rather indiscreet, but it's so good it's an awful temptation to tell the story,&#8221; said Vronsky, looking at her with his laughing eyes. &#8220;I'm not going to mention any names.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I shall guess, so much the better.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, listen: two festive young men were driving&#8212;&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Officers of your regiment, of course?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I didn't say they were officers,&#8212;two young men who had been lunching.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In other words, drinking.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Possibly. They were driving on their way to dinner with a friend in the most festive state of mind. And they beheld a pretty woman in a hired sledge; she overtakes them, looks round at them, and, so they fancy anyway, nods to them and laughs. They, of course, follow her. They gallop at full speed. To their amazement, the fair one alights at the entrance of the very house to which they were going. The fair one darts upstairs to the top story. They get a glimpse of red lips under a short veil, and exquisite little feet.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You describe it with such feeling that I fancy you must be one of the two.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And after what you said, just now! Well, the young men go in to their comrade's; he was giving a farewell dinner. There they certainly did drink a little too much, as one always does at farewell dinners. And at dinner they inquire who lives at the top in that house. No one knows; only their host's valet, in answer to their inquiry whether any &#8216;young ladies' are living on the top floor, answered that there were a great many of them about there. After dinner the two young men go into their host's study, and write a letter to the unknown fair one. They compose an ardent epistle, a declaration in fact, and they carry the letter upstairs themselves, so as to elucidate whatever might appear not perfectly intelligible in the letter.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why are you telling me these horrible stories? Well?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They ring. A maid-servant opens the door, they hand her the letter, and assure the maid that they're both so in love that they'll die on the spot at the door. The maid, stupefied, carries in their messages. All at once a gentleman appears with whiskers like sausages, as red as a lobster, announces that there is no one living in the flat except his wife, and sends them both about their business.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you know he had whiskers like sausages, as you say?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, you shall hear. I've just been to make peace between them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and what then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's the most interesting part of the story. It appears that it's a happy couple, a government clerk and his lady. The government clerk lodges a complaint, and I became a mediator, and such a mediator!... I assure you Talleyrand couldn't hold a candle to me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, where was the difficulty?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, you shall hear.... We apologize in due form: we are in despair, we entreat forgiveness for the unfortunate misunderstanding. The government clerk with the sausages begins to melt, but he, too, desires to express his sentiments, and as soon as ever he begins to express them, he begins to get hot and say nasty things, and again I'm obliged to trot out all my diplomatic talents. I allowed that their conduct was bad, but I urged him to take into consideration their heedlessness, their youth; then, too, the young men had only just been lunching together. &#8216;You understand. They regret it deeply, and beg you to overlook their misbehavior.' The government clerk was softened once more. &#8216;I consent, count, and am ready to overlook it; but you perceive that my wife&#8212;my wife's a respectable woman&#8212;has been exposed to the persecution, and insults, and effrontery of young upstarts, scoundrels....' And you must understand, the young upstarts are present all the while, and I have to keep the peace between them. Again I call out all my diplomacy, and again as soon as the thing was about at an end, our friend the government clerk gets hot and red, and his sausages stand on end with wrath, and once more I launch out into diplomatic wiles.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, he must tell you this story!&#8221; said Betsy, laughing, to a lady who came into her box. &#8220;He has been making me laugh so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, &lt;i&gt;bonne chance&lt;/i&gt;!&#8221; she added, giving Vronsky one finger of the hand in which she held her fan, and with a shrug of her shoulders she twitched down the bodice of her gown that had worked up, so as to be duly naked as she moved forward towards the footlights into the light of the gas, and the sight of all eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky drove to the French theater, where he really had to see the colonel of his regiment, who never missed a single performance there. He wanted to see him, to report on the result of his mediation, which had occupied and amused him for the last three days. Petritsky, whom he liked, was implicated in the affair, and the other culprit was a capital fellow and first-rate comrade, who had lately joined the regiment, the young Prince Kedrov. And what was most important, the interests of the regiment were involved in it too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Both the young men were in Vronsky's company. The colonel of the regiment was waited upon by the government clerk, Venden, with a complaint against his officers, who had insulted his wife. His young wife, so Venden told the story&#8212;he had been married half a year&#8212;was at church with her mother, and suddenly overcome by indisposition, arising from her interesting condition, she could not remain standing, she drove home in the first sledge, a smart-looking one, she came across. On the spot the officers set off in pursuit of her; she was alarmed, and feeling still more unwell, ran up the staircase home. Venden himself, on returning from his office, heard a ring at their bell and voices, went out, and seeing the intoxicated officers with a letter, he had turned them out. He asked for exemplary punishment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it's all very well,&#8221; said the colonel to Vronsky, whom he had invited to come and see him. &#8220;Petritsky's becoming impossible. Not a week goes by without some scandal. This government clerk won't let it drop, he'll go on with the thing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky saw all the thanklessness of the business, and that there could be no question of a duel in it, that everything must be done to soften the government clerk, and hush the matter up. The colonel had called in Vronsky just because he knew him to be an honorable and intelligent man, and, more than all, a man who cared for the honor of the regiment. They talked it over, and decided that Petritsky and Kedrov must go with Vronsky to Venden's to apologize. The colonel and Vronsky were both fully aware that Vronsky's name and rank would be sure to contribute greatly to the softening of the injured husband's feelings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And these two influences were not in fact without effect; though the result remained, as Vronsky had described, uncertain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On reaching the French theater, Vronsky retired to the foyer with the colonel, and reported to him his success, or non-success. The colonel, thinking it all over, made up his mind not to pursue the matter further, but then for his own satisfaction proceeded to cross-examine Vronsky about his interview; and it was a long while before he could restrain his laughter, as Vronsky described how the government clerk, after subsiding for a while, would suddenly flare up again, as he recalled the details, and how Vronsky, at the last half word of conciliation, skillfully man&#339;uvered a retreat, shoving Petritsky out before him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's a disgraceful story, but killing. Kedrov really can't fight the gentleman! Was he so awfully hot?&#8221; he commented, laughing. &#8220;But what do you say to Claire today? She's marvelous,&#8221; he went on, speaking of a new French actress. &#8220;However often you see her, every day she's different. It's only the French who can do that.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 6&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Princess Betsy drove home from the theater, without waiting for the end of the last act. She had only just time to go into her dressing-room, sprinkle her long, pale face with powder, rub it, set her dress to rights, and order tea in the big drawing-room, when one after another carriages drove up to her huge house in Bolshaia Morskaia. Her guests stepped out at the wide entrance, and the stout porter, who used to read the newspapers in the mornings behind the glass door, to the edification of the passers-by, noiselessly opened the immense door, letting the visitors pass by him into the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Almost at the same instant the hostess, with freshly arranged coiffure and freshened face, walked in at one door and her guests at the other door of the drawing-room, a large room with dark walls, downy rugs, and a brightly lighted table, gleaming with the light of candles, white cloth, silver samovar, and transparent china tea-things.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The hostess sat down at the table and took off her gloves. Chairs were set with the aid of footmen, moving almost imperceptibly about the room; the party settled itself, divided into two groups: one round the samovar near the hostess, the other at the opposite end of the drawing-room, round the handsome wife of an ambassador, in black velvet, with sharply defined black eyebrows. In both groups conversation wavered, as it always does, for the first few minutes, broken up by meetings, greetings, offers of tea, and as it were, feeling about for something to rest upon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's exceptionally good as an actress; one can see she's studied Kaulbach,&#8221; said a diplomatic attach&#233; in the group round the ambassador's wife. &#8220;Did you notice how she fell down?...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, please, don't let us talk about Nilsson! No one can possibly say anything new about her,&#8221; said a fat, red-faced, flaxen-headed lady, without eyebrows and chignon, wearing an old silk dress. This was Princess Myakaya, noted for her simplicity and the roughness of her manners, and nicknamed &lt;i&gt;enfant terrible&lt;/i&gt;. Princess Myakaya, sitting in the middle between the two groups, and listening to both, took part in the conversation first of one and then of the other. &#8220;Three people have used that very phrase about Kaulbach to me today already, just as though they had made a compact about it. And I can't see why they liked that remark so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The conversation was cut short by this observation, and a new subject had to be thought of again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do tell me something amusing but not spiteful,&#8221; said the ambassador's wife, a great proficient in the art of that elegant conversation called by the English &lt;i&gt;small talk&lt;/i&gt;. She addressed the attach&#233;, who was at a loss now what to begin upon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They say that that's a difficult task, that nothing's amusing that isn't spiteful,&#8221; he began with a smile. &#8220;But I'll try. Get me a subject. It all lies in the subject. If a subject's given me, it's easy to spin something round it. I often think that the celebrated talkers of the last century would have found it difficult to talk cleverly now. Everything clever is so stale....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That has been said long ago,&#8221; the ambassador's wife interrupted him, laughing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The conversation began amiably, but just because it was too amiable, it came to a stop again. They had to have recourse to the sure, never-failing topic&#8212;gossip.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't you think there's something Louis Quinze about Tushkevitch?&#8221; he said, glancing towards a handsome, fair-haired young man, standing at the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes! He's in the same style as the drawing-room and that's why it is he's so often here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This conversation was maintained, since it rested on allusions to what could not be talked of in that room&#8212;that is to say, of the relations of Tushkevitch with their hostess.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Round the samovar and the hostess the conversation had been meanwhile vacillating in just the same way between three inevitable topics: the latest piece of public news, the theater, and scandal. It, too, came finally to rest on the last topic, that is, ill-natured gossip.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you heard the Maltishtcheva woman&#8212;the mother, not the daughter&#8212;has ordered a costume in &lt;i&gt;diable rose&lt;/i&gt; color?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nonsense! No, that's too lovely!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I wonder that with her sense&#8212;for she's not a fool, you know&#8212;that she doesn't see how funny she is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everyone had something to say in censure or ridicule of the luckless Madame Maltishtcheva, and the conversation crackled merrily, like a burning faggot-stack.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The husband of Princess Betsy, a good-natured fat man, an ardent collector of engravings, hearing that his wife had visitors, came into the drawing-room before going to his club. Stepping noiselessly over the thick rugs, he went up to Princess Myakaya.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How did you like Nilsson?&#8221; he asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, how can you steal upon anyone like that! How you startled me!&#8221; she responded. &#8220;Please don't talk to me about the opera; you know nothing about music. I'd better meet you on your own ground, and talk about your majolica and engravings. Come now, what treasure have you been buying lately at the old curiosity shops?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Would you like me to show you? But you don't understand such things.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, do show me! I've been learning about them at those&#8212;what's their names?... the bankers ... they've some splendid engravings. They showed them to us.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, have you been at the Sch&#252;tzburgs?&#8221; asked the hostess from the samovar.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, &lt;i&gt;ma ch&#232;re&lt;/i&gt;. They asked my husband and me to dinner, and told us the sauce at that dinner cost a hundred pounds,&#8221; Princess Myakaya said, speaking loudly, and conscious everyone was listening; &#8220;and very nasty sauce it was, some green mess. We had to ask them, and I made them sauce for eighteen pence, and everybody was very much pleased with it. I can't run to hundred-pound sauces.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's unique!&#8221; said the lady of the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Marvelous!&#8221; said someone.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The sensation produced by Princess Myakaya's speeches was always unique, and the secret of the sensation she produced lay in the fact that though she spoke not always appropriately, as now, she said simple things with some sense in them. In the society in which she lived such plain statements produced the effect of the wittiest epigram. Princess Myakaya could never see why it had that effect, but she knew it had, and took advantage of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As everyone had been listening while Princess Myakaya spoke, and so the conversation around the ambassador's wife had dropped, Princess Betsy tried to bring the whole party together, and turned to the ambassador's wife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Will you really not have tea? You should come over here by us.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, we're very happy here,&#8221; the ambassador's wife responded with a smile, and she went on with the conversation that had been begun.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a very agreeable conversation. They were criticizing the Karenins, husband and wife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anna is quite changed since her stay in Moscow. There's something strange about her,&#8221; said her friend.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The great change is that she brought back with her the shadow of Alexey Vronsky,&#8221; said the ambassador's wife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what of it? There's a fable of Grimm's about a man without a shadow, a man who's lost his shadow. And that's his punishment for something. I never could understand how it was a punishment. But a woman must dislike being without a shadow.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but women with a shadow usually come to a bad end,&#8221; said Anna's friend.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bad luck to your tongue!&#8221; said Princess Myakaya suddenly. &#8220;Madame Karenina's a splendid woman. I don't like her husband, but I like her very much.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why don't you like her husband? He's such a remarkable man,&#8221; said the ambassador's wife. &#8220;My husband says there are few statesmen like him in Europe.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And my husband tells me just the same, but I don't believe it,&#8221; said Princess Myakaya. &#8220;If our husbands didn't talk to us, we should see the facts as they are. Alexey Alexandrovitch, to my thinking, is simply a fool. I say it in a whisper ... but doesn't it really make everything clear? Before, when I was told to consider him clever, I kept looking for his ability, and thought myself a fool for not seeing it; but directly I said, &lt;i&gt;he's a fool&lt;/i&gt;, though only in a whisper, everything's explained, isn't it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How spiteful you are today!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not a bit. I'd no other way out of it. One of the two had to be a fool. And, well, you know one can't say that of oneself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;No one is satisfied with his fortune, and everyone is satisfied with his wit.'&#8221; The attach&#233; repeated the French saying.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's just it, just it,&#8221; Princess Myakaya turned to him. &#8220;But the point is that I won't abandon Anna to your mercies. She's so nice, so charming. How can she help it if they're all in love with her, and follow her about like shadows?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I had no idea of blaming her for it,&#8221; Anna's friend said in self-defense.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If no one follows us about like a shadow, that's no proof that we've any right to blame her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And having duly disposed of Anna's friend, the Princess Myakaya got up, and together with the ambassador's wife, joined the group at the table, where the conversation was dealing with the king of Prussia.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What wicked gossip were you talking over there?&#8221; asked Betsy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;About the Karenins. The princess gave us a sketch of Alexey Alexandrovitch,&#8221; said the ambassador's wife with a smile, as she sat down at the table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pity we didn't hear it!&#8221; said Princess Betsy, glancing towards the door. &#8220;Ah, here you are at last!&#8221; she said, turning with a smile to Vronsky, as he came in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky was not merely acquainted with all the persons whom he was meeting here; he saw them all every day; and so he came in with the quiet manner with which one enters a room full of people from whom one has only just parted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where do I come from?&#8221; he said, in answer to a question from the ambassador's wife. &#8220;Well, there's no help for it, I must confess. From the &lt;i&gt;opera bouffe&lt;/i&gt;. I do believe I've seen it a hundred times, and always with fresh enjoyment. It's exquisite! I know it's disgraceful, but I go to sleep at the opera, and I sit out the &lt;i&gt;opera bouffe&lt;/i&gt; to the last minute, and enjoy it. This evening....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He mentioned a French actress, and was going to tell something about her; but the ambassador's wife, with playful horror, cut him short.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Please don't tell us about that horror.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right, I won't especially as everyone knows those horrors.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And we should all go to see them if it were accepted as the correct thing, like the opera,&#8221; chimed in Princess Myakaya.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 7&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Steps were heard at the door, and Princess Betsy, knowing it was Madame Karenina, glanced at Vronsky. He was looking towards the door, and his face wore a strange new expression. Joyfully, intently, and at the same time timidly, he gazed at the approaching figure, and slowly he rose to his feet. Anna walked into the drawing-room. Holding herself extremely erect, as always, looking straight before her, and moving with her swift, resolute, and light step, that distinguished her from all other society women, she crossed the short space to her hostess, shook hands with her, smiled, and with the same smile looked around at Vronsky. Vronsky bowed low and pushed a chair up for her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She acknowledged this only by a slight nod, flushed a little, and frowned. But immediately, while rapidly greeting her acquaintances, and shaking the hands proffered to her, she addressed Princess Betsy:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have been at Countess Lidia's, and meant to have come here earlier, but I stayed on. Sir John was there. He's very interesting.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, that's this missionary?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; he told us about the life in India, most interesting things.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The conversation, interrupted by her coming in, flickered up again like the light of a lamp being blown out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Sir John! Yes, Sir John; I've seen him. He speaks well. The Vlassieva girl's quite in love with him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And is it true the younger Vlassieva girl's to marry Topov?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, they say it's quite a settled thing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I wonder at the parents! They say it's a marriage for love.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For love? What antediluvian notions you have! Can one talk of love in these days?&#8221; said the ambassador's wife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's to be done? It's a foolish old fashion that's kept up still,&#8221; said Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So much the worse for those who keep up the fashion. The only happy marriages I know are marriages of prudence.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but then how often the happiness of these prudent marriages flies away like dust just because that passion turns up that they have refused to recognize,&#8221; said Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But by marriages of prudence we mean those in which both parties have sown their wild oats already. That's like scarlatina&#8212;one has to go through it and get it over.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then they ought to find out how to vaccinate for love, like smallpox.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was in love in my young days with a deacon,&#8221; said the Princess Myakaya. &#8220;I don't know that it did me any good.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; I imagine, joking apart, that to know love, one must make mistakes and then correct them,&#8221; said Princess Betsy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Even after marriage?&#8221; said the ambassador's wife playfully.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;&#8216;It's never too late to mend.'&#8221; The attach&#233; repeated the English proverb.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just so,&#8221; Betsy agreed; &#8220;one must make mistakes and correct them. What do you think about it?&#8221; she turned to Anna, who, with a faintly perceptible resolute smile on her lips, was listening in silence to the conversation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think,&#8221; said Anna, playing with the glove she had taken off, &#8220;I think ... of so many men, so many minds, certainly so many hearts, so many kinds of love.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky was gazing at Anna, and with a fainting heart waiting for what she would say. He sighed as after a danger escaped when she uttered these words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna suddenly turned to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I have had a letter from Moscow. They write me that Kitty Shtcherbatskaya's very ill.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Really?&#8221; said Vronsky, knitting his brows.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna looked sternly at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That doesn't interest you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;On the contrary, it does, very much. What was it exactly they told you, if I may know?&#8221; he questioned.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna got up and went to Betsy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Give me a cup of tea,&#8221; she said, standing at her table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
While Betsy was pouring out the tea, Vronsky went up to Anna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is it they write to you?&#8221; he repeated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I often think men have no understanding of what's not honorable though they're always talking of it,&#8221; said Anna, without answering him. &#8220;I've wanted to tell you so a long while,&#8221; she added, and moving a few steps away, she sat down at a table in a corner covered with albums.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't quite understand the meaning of your words,&#8221; he said, handing her the cup.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She glanced towards the sofa beside her, and he instantly sat down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I have been wanting to tell you,&#8221; she said, not looking at him. &#8220;You behaved wrongly, very wrongly.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you suppose I don't know that I've acted wrongly? But who was the cause of my doing so?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you say that to me for?&#8221; she said, glancing severely at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know what for,&#8221; he answered boldly and joyfully, meeting her glance and not dropping his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Not he, but she, was confused.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That only shows you have no heart,&#8221; she said. But her eyes said that she knew he had a heart, and that was why she was afraid of him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What you spoke of just now was a mistake, and not love.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Remember that I have forbidden you to utter that word, that hateful word,&#8221; said Anna, with a shudder. But at once she felt that by that very word &#8220;forbidden&#8221; she had shown that she acknowledged certain rights over him, and by that very fact was encouraging him to speak of love. &#8220;I have long meant to tell you this,&#8221; she went on, looking resolutely into his eyes, and hot all over from the burning flush on her cheeks. &#8220;I've come on purpose this evening, knowing I should meet you. I have come to tell you that this must end. I have never blushed before anyone, and you force me to feel to blame for something.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He looked at her and was struck by a new spiritual beauty in her face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you wish of me?&#8221; he said simply and seriously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I want you to go to Moscow and ask for Kitty's forgiveness,&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't wish that?&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He saw she was saying what she forced herself to say, not what she wanted to say.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you love me, as you say,&#8221; she whispered, &#8220;do so that I may be at peace.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His face grew radiant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't you know that you're all my life to me? But I know no peace, and I can't give it to you; all myself&#8212;and love ... yes. I can't think of you and myself apart. You and I are one to me. And I see no chance before us of peace for me or for you. I see a chance of despair, of wretchedness ... or I see a chance of bliss, what bliss!... Can it be there's no chance of it?&#8221; he murmured with his lips; but she heard.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She strained every effort of her mind to say what ought to be said. But instead of that she let her eyes rest on him, full of love, and made no answer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's come!&#8221; he thought in ecstasy. &#8220;When I was beginning to despair, and it seemed there would be no end&#8212;it's come! She loves me! She owns it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then do this for me: never say such things to me, and let us be friends,&#8221; she said in words; but her eyes spoke quite differently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Friends we shall never be, you know that yourself. Whether we shall be the happiest or the wretchedest of people&#8212;that's in your hands.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She would have said something, but he interrupted her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I ask one thing only: I ask for the right to hope, to suffer as I do. But if even that cannot be, command me to disappear, and I disappear. You shall not see me if my presence is distasteful to you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't want to drive you away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Only don't change anything, leave everything as it is,&#8221; he said in a shaky voice. &#8220;Here's your husband.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that instant Alexey Alexandrovitch did in fact walk into the room with his calm, awkward gait.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Glancing at his wife and Vronsky, he went up to the lady of the house, and sitting down for a cup of tea, began talking in his deliberate, always audible voice, in his habitual tone of banter, ridiculing someone.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your Rambouillet is in full conclave,&#8221; he said, looking round at all the party; &#8220;the graces and the muses.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Princess Betsy could not endure that tone of his&#8212;&#8220;sneering,&#8221; as she called it, using the English word, and like a skillful hostess she at once brought him into a serious conversation on the subject of universal conscription. Alexey Alexandrovitch was immediately interested in the subject, and began seriously defending the new imperial decree against Princess Betsy, who had attacked it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky and Anna still sat at the little table.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is getting indecorous,&#8221; whispered one lady, with an expressive glance at Madame Karenina, Vronsky, and her husband.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What did I tell you?&#8221; said Anna's friend.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But not only those ladies, almost everyone in the room, even the Princess Myakaya and Betsy herself, looked several times in the direction of the two who had withdrawn from the general circle, as though that were a disturbing fact. Alexey Alexandrovitch was the only person who did not once look in that direction, and was not diverted from the interesting discussion he had entered upon.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Noticing the disagreeable impression that was being made on everyone, Princess Betsy slipped someone else into her place to listen to Alexey Alexandrovitch, and went up to Anna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm always amazed at the clearness and precision of your husband's language,&#8221; she said. &#8220;The most transcendental ideas seem to be within my grasp when he's speaking.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes!&#8221; said Anna, radiant with a smile of happiness, and not understanding a word of what Betsy had said. She crossed over to the big table and took part in the general conversation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch, after staying half an hour, went up to his wife and suggested that they should go home together. But she answered, not looking at him, that she was staying to supper. Alexey Alexandrovitch made his bows and withdrew.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The fat old Tatar, Madame Karenina's coachman, was with difficulty holding one of her pair of grays, chilled with the cold and rearing at the entrance. A footman stood opening the carriage door. The hall-porter stood holding open the great door of the house. Anna Arkadyevna, with her quick little hand, was unfastening the lace of her sleeve, caught in the hook of her fur cloak, and with bent head listening to the words Vronsky murmured as he escorted her down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You've said nothing, of course, and I ask nothing,&#8221; he was saying; &#8220;but you know that friendship's not what I want: that there's only one happiness in life for me, that word that you dislike so ... yes, love!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Love,&#8221; she repeated slowly, in an inner voice, and suddenly, at the very instant she unhooked the lace, she added, &#8220;Why I don't like the word is that it means too much to me, far more than you can understand,&#8221; and she glanced into his face. &#8220;Au revoir!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She gave him her hand, and with her rapid, springy step she passed by the porter and vanished into the carriage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her glance, the touch of her hand, set him aflame. He kissed the palm of his hand where she had touched it, and went home, happy in the sense that he had got nearer to the attainment of his aims that evening than during the last two months.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 8&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Alexey Alexandrovitch had seen nothing striking or improper in the fact that his wife was sitting with Vronsky at a table apart, in eager conversation with him about something. But he noticed that to the rest of the party this appeared something striking and improper, and for that reason it seemed to him too to be improper. He made up his mind that he must speak of it to his wife.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On reaching home Alexey Alexandrovitch went to his study, as he usually did, seated himself in his low chair, opened a book on the Papacy at the place where he had laid the paper-knife in it, and read till one o'clock, just as he usually did. But from time to time he rubbed his high forehead and shook his head, as though to drive away something. At his usual time he got up and made his toilet for the night. Anna Arkadyevna had not yet come in. With a book under his arm he went upstairs. But this evening, instead of his usual thoughts and meditations upon official details, his thoughts were absorbed by his wife and something disagreeable connected with her. Contrary to his usual habit, he did not get into bed, but fell to walking up and down the rooms with his hands clasped behind his back. He could not go to bed, feeling that it was absolutely needful for him first to think thoroughly over the position that had just arisen.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When Alexey Alexandrovitch had made up his mind that he must talk to his wife about it, it had seemed a very easy and simple matter. But now, when he began to think over the question that had just presented itself, it seemed to him very complicated and difficult.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch was not jealous. Jealousy according to his notions was an insult to one's wife, and one ought to have confidence in one's wife. Why one ought to have confidence&#8212;that is to say, complete conviction that his young wife would always love him&#8212;he did not ask himself. But he had no experience of lack of confidence, because he had confidence in her, and told himself that he ought to have it. Now, though his conviction that jealousy was a shameful feeling and that one ought to feel confidence, had not broken down, he felt that he was standing face to face with something illogical and irrational, and did not know what was to be done. Alexey Alexandrovitch was standing face to face with life, with the possibility of his wife's loving someone other than himself, and this seemed to him very irrational and incomprehensible because it was life itself. All his life Alexey Alexandrovitch had lived and worked in official spheres, having to do with the reflection of life. And every time he had stumbled against life itself he had shrunk away from it. Now he experienced a feeling akin to that of a man who, while calmly crossing a precipice by a bridge, should suddenly discover that the bridge is broken, and that there is a chasm below. That chasm was life itself, the bridge that artificial life in which Alexey Alexandrovitch had lived. For the first time the question presented itself to him of the possibility of his wife's loving someone else, and he was horrified at it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He did not undress, but walked up and down with his regular tread over the resounding parquet of the dining-room, where one lamp was burning, over the carpet of the dark drawing-room, in which the light was reflected on the big new portrait of himself hanging over the sofa, and across her boudoir, where two candles burned, lighting up the portraits of her parents and woman friends, and the pretty knick-knacks of her writing-table, that he knew so well. He walked across her boudoir to the bedroom door, and turned back again. At each turn in his walk, especially at the parquet of the lighted dining-room, he halted and said to himself, &#8220;Yes, this I must decide and put a stop to; I must express my view of it and my decision.&#8221; And he turned back again. &#8220;But express what&#8212;what decision?&#8221; he said to himself in the drawing-room, and he found no reply. &#8220;But after all,&#8221; he asked himself before turning into the boudoir, &#8220;what has occurred? Nothing. She was talking a long while with him. But what of that? Surely women in society can talk to whom they please. And then, jealousy means lowering both myself and her,&#8221; he told himself as he went into her boudoir; but this dictum, which had always had such weight with him before, had now no weight and no meaning at all. And from the bedroom door he turned back again; but as he entered the dark drawing-room some inner voice told him that it was not so, and that if others noticed it that showed that there was something. And he said to himself again in the dining-room, &#8220;Yes, I must decide and put a stop to it, and express my view of it....&#8221; And again at the turn in the drawing-room he asked himself, &#8220;Decide how?&#8221; And again he asked himself, &#8220;What had occurred?&#8221; and answered, &#8220;Nothing,&#8221; and recollected that jealousy was a feeling insulting to his wife; but again in the drawing-room he was convinced that something had happened. His thoughts, like his body, went round a complete circle, without coming upon anything new. He noticed this, rubbed his forehead, and sat down in her boudoir.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There, looking at her table, with the malachite blotting case lying at the top and an unfinished letter, his thoughts suddenly changed. He began to think of her, of what she was thinking and feeling. For the first time he pictured vividly to himself her personal life, her ideas, her desires, and the idea that she could and should have a separate life of her own seemed to him so alarming that he made haste to dispel it. It was the chasm which he was afraid to peep into. To put himself in thought and feeling in another person's place was a spiritual exercise not natural to Alexey Alexandrovitch. He looked on this spiritual exercise as a harmful and dangerous abuse of the fancy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the worst of it all,&#8221; thought he, &#8220;is that just now, at the very moment when my great work is approaching completion&#8221; (he was thinking of the project he was bringing forward at the time), &#8220;when I stand in need of all my mental peace and all my energies, just now this stupid worry should fall foul of me. But what's to be done? I'm not one of those men who submit to uneasiness and worry without having the force of character to face them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must think it over, come to a decision, and put it out of my mind,&#8221; he said aloud.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The question of her feelings, of what has passed and may be passing in her soul, that's not my affair; that's the affair of her conscience, and falls under the head of religion,&#8221; he said to himself, feeling consolation in the sense that he had found to which division of regulating principles this new circumstance could be properly referred.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And so,&#8221; Alexey Alexandrovitch said to himself, &#8220;questions as to her feelings, and so on, are questions for her conscience, with which I can have nothing to do. My duty is clearly defined. As the head of the family, I am a person bound in duty to guide her, and consequently, in part the person responsible; I am bound to point out the danger I perceive, to warn her, even to use my authority. I ought to speak plainly to her.&#8221; And everything that he would say tonight to his wife took clear shape in Alexey Alexandrovitch's head. Thinking over what he would say, he somewhat regretted that he should have to use his time and mental powers for domestic consumption, with so little to show for it, but, in spite of that, the form and contents of the speech before him shaped itself as clearly and distinctly in his head as a ministerial report.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must say and express fully the following points: first, exposition of the value to be attached to public opinion and to decorum; secondly, exposition of religious significance of marriage; thirdly, if need be, reference to the calamity possibly ensuing to our son; fourthly, reference to the unhappiness likely to result to herself.&#8221; And, interlacing his fingers, Alexey Alexandrovitch stretched them, and the joints of the fingers cracked. This trick, a bad habit, the cracking of his fingers, always soothed him, and gave precision to his thoughts, so needful to him at this juncture.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was the sound of a carriage driving up to the front door. Alexey Alexandrovitch halted in the middle of the room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A woman's step was heard mounting the stairs. Alexey Alexandrovitch, ready for his speech, stood compressing his crossed fingers, waiting to see if the crack would not come again. One joint cracked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Already, from the sound of light steps on the stairs, he was aware that she was close, and though he was satisfied with his speech, he felt frightened of the explanation confronting him.&#8230;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 9&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Anna came in with hanging head, playing with the tassels of her hood. Her face was brilliant and glowing; but this glow was not one of brightness; it suggested the fearful glow of a conflagration in the midst of a dark night. On seeing her husband, Anna raised her head and smiled, as though she had just waked up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're not in bed? What a wonder!&#8221; she said, letting fall her hood, and without stopping, she went on into the dressing-room. &#8220;It's late, Alexey Alexandrovitch,&#8221; she said, when she had gone through the doorway.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anna, it's necessary for me to have a talk with you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;With me?&#8221; she said, wonderingly. She came out from behind the door of the dressing-room, and looked at him. &#8220;Why, what is it? What about?&#8221; she asked, sitting down. &#8220;Well, let's talk, if it's so necessary. But it would be better to get to sleep.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna said what came to her lips, and marveled, hearing herself, at her own capacity for lying. How simple and natural were her words, and how likely that she was simply sleepy! She felt herself clad in an impenetrable armor of falsehood. She felt that some unseen force had come to her aid and was supporting her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anna, I must warn you,&#8221; he began.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Warn me?&#8221; she said. &#8220;Of what?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She looked at him so simply, so brightly, that anyone who did not know her as her husband knew her could not have noticed anything unnatural, either in the sound or the sense of her words. But to him, knowing her, knowing that whenever he went to bed five minutes later than usual, she noticed it, and asked him the reason; to him, knowing that every joy, every pleasure and pain that she felt she communicated to him at once; to him, now to see that she did not care to notice his state of mind, that she did not care to say a word about herself, meant a great deal. He saw that the inmost recesses of her soul, that had always hitherto lain open before him, were closed against him. More than that, he saw from her tone that she was not even perturbed at that, but as it were said straight out to him: &#8220;Yes, it's shut up, and so it must be, and will be in future.&#8221; Now he experienced a feeling such as a man might have, returning home and finding his own house locked up. &#8220;But perhaps the key may yet be found,&#8221; thought Alexey Alexandrovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I want to warn you,&#8221; he said in a low voice, &#8220;that through thoughtlessness and lack of caution you may cause yourself to be talked about in society. Your too animated conversation this evening with Count Vronsky&#8221; (he enunciated the name firmly and with deliberate emphasis) &#8220;attracted attention.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He talked and looked at her laughing eyes, which frightened him now with their impenetrable look, and, as he talked, he felt all the uselessness and idleness of his words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're always like that,&#8221; she answered, as though completely misapprehending him, and of all he had said only taking in the last phrase. &#8220;One time you don't like my being dull, and another time you don't like my being lively. I wasn't dull. Does that offend you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch shivered, and bent his hands to make the joints crack.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, please, don't do that, I do so dislike it,&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anna, is this you?&#8221; said Alexey Alexandrovitch, quietly making an effort over himself, and restraining the motion of his fingers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what is it all about?&#8221; she said, with such genuine and droll wonder. &#8220;What do you want of me?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch paused, and rubbed his forehead and his eyes. He saw that instead of doing as he had intended&#8212;that is to say, warning his wife against a mistake in the eyes of the world&#8212;he had unconsciously become agitated over what was the affair of her conscience, and was struggling against the barrier he fancied between them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is what I meant to say to you,&#8221; he went on coldly and composedly, &#8220;and I beg you to listen to it. I consider jealousy, as you know, a humiliating and degrading feeling, and I shall never allow myself to be influenced by it; but there are certain rules of decorum which cannot be disregarded with impunity. This evening it was not I observed it, but judging by the impression made on the company, everyone observed that your conduct and deportment were not altogether what could be desired.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I positively don't understand,&#8221; said Anna, shrugging her shoulders&#8212;&#8220;He doesn't care,&#8221; she thought. &#8220;But other people noticed it, and that's what upsets him.&#8221;&#8212;&#8220;You're not well, Alexey Alexandrovitch,&#8221; she added, and she got up, and would have gone towards the door; but he moved forward as though he would stop her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His face was ugly and forbidding, as Anna had never seen him. She stopped, and bending her head back and on one side, began with her rapid hand taking out her hairpins.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I'm listening to what's to come,&#8221; she said, calmly and ironically; &#8220;and indeed I listen with interest, for I should like to understand what's the matter.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She spoke, and marveled at the confident, calm, and natural tone in which she was speaking, and the choice of the words she used.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To enter into all the details of your feelings I have no right, and besides, I regard that as useless and even harmful,&#8221; began Alexey Alexandrovitch. &#8220;Ferreting in one's soul, one often ferrets out something that might have lain there unnoticed. Your feelings are an affair of your own conscience; but I am in duty bound to you, to myself, and to God, to point out to you your duties. Our life has been joined, not by man, but by God. That union can only be severed by a crime, and a crime of that nature brings its own chastisement.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't understand a word. And, oh dear! how sleepy I am, unluckily,&#8221; she said, rapidly passing her hand through her hair, feeling for the remaining hairpins.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anna, for God's sake don't speak like that!&#8221; he said gently. &#8220;Perhaps I am mistaken, but believe me, what I say, I say as much for myself as for you. I am your husband, and I love you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For an instant her face fell, and the mocking gleam in her eyes died away; but the word &lt;i&gt;love&lt;/i&gt; threw her into revolt again. She thought: &#8220;Love? Can he love? If he hadn't heard there was such a thing as love, he would never have used the word. He doesn't even know what love is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alexey Alexandrovitch, really I don't understand,&#8221; she said. &#8220;Define what it is you find....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Pardon, let me say all I have to say. I love you. But I am not speaking of myself; the most important persons in this matter are our son and yourself. It may very well be, I repeat, that my words seem to you utterly unnecessary and out of place; it may be that they are called forth by my mistaken impression. In that case, I beg you to forgive me. But if you are conscious yourself of even the smallest foundation for them, then I beg you to think a little, and if your heart prompts you, to speak out to me....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch was unconsciously saying something utterly unlike what he had prepared.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have nothing to say. And besides,&#8221; she said hurriedly, with difficulty repressing a smile, &#8220;it's really time to be in bed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch sighed, and, without saying more, went into the bedroom.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When she came into the bedroom, he was already in bed. His lips were sternly compressed, and his eyes looked away from her. Anna got into her bed, and lay expecting every minute that he would begin to speak to her again. She both feared his speaking and wished for it. But he was silent. She waited for a long while without moving, and had forgotten about him. She thought of that other; she pictured him, and felt how her heart was flooded with emotion and guilty delight at the thought of him. Suddenly she heard an even, tranquil snore. For the first instant Alexey Alexandrovitch seemed, as it were, appalled at his own snoring, and ceased; but after an interval of two breathings the snore sounded again, with a new tranquil rhythm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's late, it's late,&#8221; she whispered with a smile. A long while she lay, not moving, with open eyes, whose brilliance she almost fancied she could herself see in the darkness.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 10&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;From that time a new life began for Alexey Alexandrovitch and for his wife. Nothing special happened. Anna went out into society, as she had always done, was particularly often at Princess Betsy's, and met Vronsky everywhere. Alexey Alexandrovitch saw this, but could do nothing. All his efforts to draw her into open discussion she confronted with a barrier which he could not penetrate, made up of a sort of amused perplexity. Outwardly everything was the same, but their inner relations were completely changed. Alexey Alexandrovitch, a man of great power in the world of politics, felt himself helpless in this. Like an ox with head bent, submissively he awaited the blow which he felt was lifted over him. Every time he began to think about it, he felt that he must try once more, that by kindness, tenderness, and persuasion there was still hope of saving her, of bringing her back to herself, and every day he made ready to talk to her. But every time he began talking to her, he felt that the spirit of evil and deceit, which had taken possession of her, had possession of him too, and he talked to her in a tone quite unlike that in which he had meant to talk. Involuntarily he talked to her in his habitual tone of jeering at anyone who should say what he was saying. And in that tone it was impossible to say what needed to be said to her.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 11&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;That which for Vronsky had been almost a whole year the one absorbing desire of his life, replacing all his old desires; that which for Anna had been an impossible, terrible, and even for that reason more entrancing dream of bliss, that desire had been fulfilled. He stood before her, pale, his lower jaw quivering, and besought her to be calm, not knowing how or why.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anna! Anna!&#8221; he said with a choking voice, &#8220;Anna, for pity's sake!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the louder he spoke, the lower she dropped her once proud and gay, now shame-stricken head, and she bowed down and sank from the sofa where she was sitting, down on the floor, at his feet; she would have fallen on the carpet if he had not held her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My God! Forgive me!&#8221; she said, sobbing, pressing his hands to her bosom.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She felt so sinful, so guilty, that nothing was left her but to humiliate herself and beg forgiveness; and as now there was no one in her life but him, to him she addressed her prayer for forgiveness. Looking at him, she had a physical sense of her humiliation, and she could say nothing more. He felt what a murderer must feel, when he sees the body he has robbed of life. That body, robbed by him of life, was their love, the first stage of their love. There was something awful and revolting in the memory of what had been bought at this fearful price of shame. Shame at their spiritual nakedness crushed her and infected him. But in spite of all the murderer's horror before the body of his victim, he must hack it to pieces, hide the body, must use what he has gained by his murder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And with fury, as it were with passion, the murderer falls on the body, and drags it and hacks at it; so he covered her face and shoulders with kisses. She held his hand, and did not stir. &#8220;Yes, these kisses&#8212;that is what has been bought by this shame. Yes, and one hand, which will always be mine&#8212;the hand of my accomplice.&#8221; She lifted up that hand and kissed it. He sank on his knees and tried to see her face; but she hid it, and said nothing. At last, as though making an effort over herself, she got up and pushed him away. Her face was still as beautiful, but it was only the more pitiful for that.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All is over,&#8221; she said; &#8220;I have nothing but you. Remember that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can never forget what is my whole life. For one instant of this happiness....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Happiness!&#8221; she said with horror and loathing and her horror unconsciously infected him. &#8220;For pity's sake, not a word, not a word more.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She rose quickly and moved away from him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not a word more,&#8221; she repeated, and with a look of chill despair, incomprehensible to him, she parted from him. She felt that at that moment she could not put into words the sense of shame, of rapture, and of horror at this stepping into a new life, and she did not want to speak of it, to vulgarize this feeling by inappropriate words. But later too, and the next day and the third day, she still found no words in which she could express the complexity of her feelings; indeed, she could not even find thoughts in which she could clearly think out all that was in her soul.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She said to herself: &#8220;No, just now I can't think of it, later on, when I am calmer.&#8221; But this calm for thought never came; every time the thought rose of what she had done and what would happen to her, and what she ought to do, a horror came over her and she drove those thoughts away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Later, later,&#8221; she said&#8212;&#8220;when I am calmer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But in dreams, when she had no control over her thoughts, her position presented itself to her in all its hideous nakedness. One dream haunted her almost every night. She dreamed that both were her husbands at once, that both were lavishing caresses on her. Alexey Alexandrovitch was weeping, kissing her hands, and saying, &#8220;How happy we are now!&#8221; And Alexey Vronsky was there too, and he too was her husband. And she was marveling that it had once seemed impossible to her, was explaining to them, laughing, that this was ever so much simpler, and that now both of them were happy and contented. But this dream weighed on her like a nightmare, and she awoke from it in terror.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 12&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In the early days after his return from Moscow, whenever Levin shuddered and grew red, remembering the disgrace of his rejection, he said to himself: &#8220;This was just how I used to shudder and blush, thinking myself utterly lost, when I was plucked in physics and did not get my remove; and how I thought myself utterly ruined after I had mismanaged that affair of my sister's that was entrusted to me. And yet, now that years have passed, I recall it and wonder that it could distress me so much. It will be the same thing too with this trouble. Time will go by and I shall not mind about this either.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But three months had passed and he had not left off minding about it; and it was as painful for him to think of it as it had been those first days. He could not be at peace because after dreaming so long of family life, and feeling himself so ripe for it, he was still not married, and was further than ever from marriage. He was painfully conscious himself, as were all about him, that at his years it is not well for man to be alone. He remembered how before starting for Moscow he had once said to his cowman Nikolay, a simple-hearted peasant, whom he liked talking to: &#8220;Well, Nikolay! I mean to get married,&#8221; and how Nikolay had promptly answered, as of a matter on which there could be no possible doubt: &#8220;And high time too, Konstantin Dmitrievitch.&#8221; But marriage had now become further off than ever. The place was taken, and whenever he tried to imagine any of the girls he knew in that place, he felt that it was utterly impossible. Moreover, the recollection of the rejection and the part he had played in the affair tortured him with shame. However often he told himself that he was in no wise to blame in it, that recollection, like other humiliating reminiscences of a similar kind, made him twinge and blush. There had been in his past, as in every man's, actions, recognized by him as bad, for which his conscience ought to have tormented him; but the memory of these evil actions was far from causing him so much suffering as those trivial but humiliating reminiscences. These wounds never healed. And with these memories was now ranged his rejection and the pitiful position in which he must have appeared to others that evening. But time and work did their part. Bitter memories were more and more covered up by the incidents&#8212;paltry in his eyes, but really important&#8212;of his country life. Every week he thought less often of Kitty. He was impatiently looking forward to the news that she was married, or just going to be married, hoping that such news would, like having a tooth out, completely cure him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Meanwhile spring came on, beautiful and kindly, without the delays and treacheries of spring,&#8212;one of those rare springs in which plants, beasts, and man rejoice alike. This lovely spring roused Levin still more, and strengthened him in his resolution of renouncing all his past and building up his lonely life firmly and independently. Though many of the plans with which he had returned to the country had not been carried out, still his most important resolution&#8212;that of purity&#8212;had been kept by him. He was free from that shame, which had usually harassed him after a fall; and he could look everyone straight in the face. In February he had received a letter from Marya Nikolaevna telling him that his brother Nikolay's health was getting worse, but that he would not take advice, and in consequence of this letter Levin went to Moscow to his brother's and succeeded in persuading him to see a doctor and to go to a watering-place abroad. He succeeded so well in persuading his brother, and in lending him money for the journey without irritating him, that he was satisfied with himself in that matter. In addition to his farming, which called for special attention in spring, and in addition to reading, Levin had begun that winter a work on agriculture, the plan of which turned on taking into account the character of the laborer on the land as one of the unalterable data of the question, like the climate and the soil, and consequently deducing all the principles of scientific culture, not simply from the data of soil and climate, but from the data of soil, climate, and a certain unalterable character of the laborer. Thus, in spite of his solitude, or in consequence of his solitude, his life was exceedingly full. Only rarely he suffered from an unsatisfied desire to communicate his stray ideas to someone besides Agafea Mihalovna. With her indeed he not infrequently fell into discussion upon physics, the theory of agriculture, and especially philosophy; philosophy was Agafea Mihalovna's favorite subject.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Spring was slow in unfolding. For the last few weeks it had been steadily fine frosty weather. In the daytime it thawed in the sun, but at night there were even seven degrees of frost. There was such a frozen surface on the snow that they drove the wagons anywhere off the roads. Easter came in the snow. Then all of a sudden, on Easter Monday, a warm wind sprang up, storm clouds swooped down, and for three days and three nights the warm, driving rain fell in streams. On Thursday the wind dropped, and a thick gray fog brooded over the land as though hiding the mysteries of the transformations that were being wrought in nature. Behind the fog there was the flowing of water, the cracking and floating of ice, the swift rush of turbid, foaming torrents; and on the following Monday, in the evening, the fog parted, the storm clouds split up into little curling crests of cloud, the sky cleared, and the real spring had come. In the morning the sun rose brilliant and quickly wore away the thin layer of ice that covered the water, and all the warm air was quivering with the steam that rose up from the quickened earth. The old grass looked greener, and the young grass thrust up its tiny blades; the buds of the guelder-rose and of the currant and the sticky birch-buds were swollen with sap, and an exploring bee was humming about the golden blossoms that studded the willow. Larks trilled unseen above the velvety green fields and the ice-covered stubble-land; peewits wailed over the low lands and marshes flooded by the pools; cranes and wild geese flew high across the sky uttering their spring calls. The cattle, bald in patches where the new hair had not grown yet, lowed in the pastures; the bowlegged lambs frisked round their bleating mothers. Nimble children ran about the drying paths, covered with the prints of bare feet. There was a merry chatter of peasant women over their linen at the pond, and the ring of axes in the yard, where the peasants were repairing ploughs and harrows. The real spring had come.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 13&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Levin put on his big boots, and, for the first time, a cloth jacket, instead of his fur cloak, and went out to look after his farm, stepping over streams of water that flashed in the sunshine and dazzled his eyes, and treading one minute on ice and the next into sticky mud.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Spring is the time of plans and projects. And, as he came out into the farmyard, Levin, like a tree in spring that knows not what form will be taken by the young shoots and twigs imprisoned in its swelling buds, hardly knew what undertakings he was going to begin upon now in the farm work that was so dear to him. But he felt that he was full of the most splendid plans and projects. First of all he went to the cattle. The cows had been let out into their paddock, and their smooth sides were already shining with their new, sleek, spring coats; they basked in the sunshine and lowed to go to the meadow. Levin gazed admiringly at the cows he knew so intimately to the minutest detail of their condition, and gave orders for them to be driven out into the meadow, and the calves to be let into the paddock. The herdsman ran gaily to get ready for the meadow. The cowherd girls, picking up their petticoats, ran splashing through the mud with bare legs, still white, not yet brown from the sun, waving brush wood in their hands, chasing the calves that frolicked in the mirth of spring.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After admiring the young ones of that year, who were particularly fine&#8212;the early calves were the size of a peasant's cow, and Pava's daughter, at three months old, was as big as a yearling&#8212;Levin gave orders for a trough to be brought out and for them to be fed in the paddock. But it appeared that as the paddock had not been used during the winter, the hurdles made in the autumn for it were broken. He sent for the carpenter, who, according to his orders, ought to have been at work at the thrashing machine. But it appeared that the carpenter was repairing the harrows, which ought to have been repaired before Lent. This was very annoying to Levin. It was annoying to come upon that everlasting slovenliness in the farm work against which he had been striving with all his might for so many years. The hurdles, as he ascertained, being not wanted in winter, had been carried to the cart-horses' stable; and there broken, as they were of light construction, only meant for feeding calves. Moreover, it was apparent also that the harrows and all the agricultural implements, which he had directed to be looked over and repaired in the winter, for which very purpose he had hired three carpenters, had not been put into repair, and the harrows were being repaired when they ought to have been harrowing the field. Levin sent for his bailiff, but immediately went off himself to look for him. The bailiff, beaming all over, like everyone that day, in a sheepskin bordered with astrachan, came out of the barn, twisting a bit of straw in his hands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why isn't the carpenter at the thrashing machine?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I meant to tell you yesterday, the harrows want repairing. Here it's time they got to work in the fields.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what were they doing in the winter, then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what did you want the carpenter for?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where are the hurdles for the calves' paddock?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I ordered them to be got ready. What would you have with those peasants!&#8221; said the bailiff, with a wave of his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not those peasants but this bailiff!&#8221; said Levin, getting angry. &#8220;Why, what do I keep you for?&#8221; he cried. But, bethinking himself that this would not help matters, he stopped short in the middle of a sentence, and merely sighed. &#8220;Well, what do you say? Can sowing begin?&#8221; he asked, after a pause.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Behind Turkin tomorrow or the next day they might begin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And the clover?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've sent Vassily and Mishka; they're sowing. Only I don't know if they'll manage to get through; it's so slushy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How many acres?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;About fifteen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not sow all?&#8221; cried Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That they were only sowing the clover on fifteen acres, not on all the forty-five, was still more annoying to him. Clover, as he knew, both from books and from his own experience, never did well except when it was sown as early as possible, almost in the snow. And yet Levin could never get this done.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's no one to send. What would you have with such a set of peasants? Three haven't turned up. And there's Semyon....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you should have taken some men from the thatching.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And so I have, as it is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where are the peasants, then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Five are making comp&#244;te&#8221; (which meant compost), &#8220;four are shifting the oats for fear of a touch of mildew, Konstantin Dmitrievitch.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin knew very well that &#8220;a touch of mildew&#8221; meant that his English seed oats were already ruined. Again they had not done as he had ordered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, but I told you during Lent to put in pipes,&#8221; he cried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't put yourself out; we shall get it all done in time.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin waved his hand angrily, went into the granary to glance at the oats, and then to the stable. The oats were not yet spoiled. But the peasants were carrying the oats in spades when they might simply let them slide down into the lower granary; and arranging for this to be done, and taking two workmen from there for sowing clover, Levin got over his vexation with the bailiff. Indeed, it was such a lovely day that one could not be angry.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ignat!&#8221; he called to the coachman, who, with his sleeves tucked up, was washing the carriage wheels, &#8220;saddle me....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Which, sir?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, let it be Kolpik.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, sir.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
While they were saddling his horse, Levin again called up the bailiff, who was hanging about in sight, to make it up with him, and began talking to him about the spring operations before them, and his plans for the farm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The wagons were to begin carting manure earlier, so as to get all done before the early mowing. And the ploughing of the further land to go on without a break so as to let it ripen lying fallow. And the mowing to be all done by hired labor, not on half-profits. The bailiff listened attentively, and obviously made an effort to approve of his employer's projects. But still he had that look Levin knew so well that always irritated him, a look of hopelessness and despondency. That look said: &#8220;That's all very well, but as God wills.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Nothing mortified Levin so much as that tone. But it was the tone common to all the bailiffs he had ever had. They had all taken up that attitude to his plans, and so now he was not angered by it, but mortified, and felt all the more roused to struggle against this, as it seemed, elemental force continually ranged against him, for which he could find no other expression than &#8220;as God wills.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If we can manage it, Konstantin Dmitrievitch,&#8221; said the bailiff.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why ever shouldn't you manage it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We positively must have another fifteen laborers. And they don't turn up. There were some here today asking seventy roubles for the summer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin was silent. Again he was brought face to face with that opposing force. He knew that however much they tried, they could not hire more than forty&#8212;thirty-seven perhaps or thirty-eight&#8212;laborers for a reasonable sum. Some forty had been taken on, and there were no more. But still he could not help struggling against it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Send to Sury, to Tchefirovka; if they don't come we must look for them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I'll send, to be sure,&#8221; said Vassily Fedorovitch despondently. &#8220;But there are the horses, too, they're not good for much.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We'll get some more. I know, of course,&#8221; Levin added laughing, &#8220;you always want to do with as little and as poor quality as possible; but this year I'm not going to let you have things your own way. I'll see to everything myself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, I don't think you take much rest as it is. It cheers us up to work under the master's eye....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So they're sowing clover behind the Birch Dale? I'll go and have a look at them,&#8221; he said, getting on to the little bay cob, Kolpik, who was led up by the coachman.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You can't get across the streams, Konstantin Dmitrievitch,&#8221; the coachman shouted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right, I'll go by the forest.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Levin rode through the slush of the farmyard to the gate and out into the open country, his good little horse, after his long inactivity, stepping out gallantly, snorting over the pools, and asking, as it were, for guidance. If Levin had felt happy before in the cattle pens and farmyard, he felt happier yet in the open country. Swaying rhythmically with the ambling paces of his good little cob, drinking in the warm yet fresh scent of the snow and the air, as he rode through his forest over the crumbling, wasted snow, still left in parts, and covered with dissolving tracks, he rejoiced over every tree, with the moss reviving on its bark and the buds swelling on its shoots. When he came out of the forest, in the immense plain before him, his grass fields stretched in an unbroken carpet of green, without one bare place or swamp, only spotted here and there in the hollows with patches of melting snow. He was not put out of temper even by the sight of the peasants' horses and colts trampling down his young grass (he told a peasant he met to drive them out), nor by the sarcastic and stupid reply of the peasant Ipat, whom he met on the way, and asked, &#8220;Well, Ipat, shall we soon be sowing?&#8221; &#8220;We must get the ploughing done first, Konstantin Dmitrievitch,&#8221; answered Ipat. The further he rode, the happier he became, and plans for the land rose to his mind each better than the last; to plant all his fields with hedges along the southern borders, so that the snow should not lie under them; to divide them up into six fields of arable and three of pasture and hay; to build a cattle yard at the further end of the estate, and to dig a pond and to construct movable pens for the cattle as a means of manuring the land. And then eight hundred acres of wheat, three hundred of potatoes, and four hundred of clover, and not one acre exhausted.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Absorbed in such dreams, carefully keeping his horse by the hedges, so as not to trample his young crops, he rode up to the laborers who had been sent to sow clover. A cart with the seed in it was standing, not at the edge, but in the middle of the crop, and the winter corn had been torn up by the wheels and trampled by the horse. Both the laborers were sitting in the hedge, probably smoking a pipe together. The earth in the cart, with which the seed was mixed, was not crushed to powder, but crusted together or adhering in clods. Seeing the master, the laborer, Vassily, went towards the cart, while Mishka set to work sowing. This was not as it should be, but with the laborers Levin seldom lost his temper. When Vassily came up, Levin told him to lead the horse to the hedge.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's all right, sir, it'll spring up again,&#8221; responded Vassily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Please don't argue,&#8221; said Levin, &#8220;but do as you're told.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, sir,&#8221; answered Vassily, and he took the horse's head. &#8220;What a sowing, Konstantin Dmitrievitch,&#8221; he said, hesitating; &#8220;first rate. Only it's a work to get about! You drag a ton of earth on your shoes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why is it you have earth that's not sifted?&#8221; said Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, we crumble it up,&#8221; answered Vassily, taking up some seed and rolling the earth in his palms.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vassily was not to blame for their having filled up his cart with unsifted earth, but still it was annoying.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin had more than once already tried a way he knew for stifling his anger, and turning all that seemed dark right again, and he tried that way now. He watched how Mishka strode along, swinging the huge clods of earth that clung to each foot; and getting off his horse, he took the sieve from Vassily and started sowing himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where did you stop?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vassily pointed to the mark with his foot, and Levin went forward as best he could, scattering the seed on the land. Walking was as difficult as on a bog, and by the time Levin had ended the row he was in a great heat, and he stopped and gave up the sieve to Vassily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, master, when summer's here, mind you don't scold me for these rows,&#8221; said Vassily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Eh?&#8221; said Levin cheerily, already feeling the effect of his method.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, you'll see in the summer time. It'll look different. Look you where I sowed last spring. How I did work at it! I do my best, Konstantin Dmitrievitch, d'ye see, as I would for my own father. I don't like bad work myself, nor would I let another man do it. What's good for the master's good for us too. To look out yonder now,&#8221; said Vassily, pointing, &#8220;it does one's heart good.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's a lovely spring, Vassily.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, it's a spring such as the old men don't remember the like of. I was up home; an old man up there has sown wheat too, about an acre of it. He was saying you wouldn't know it from rye.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you been sowing wheat long?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, sir, it was you taught us the year before last. You gave me two measures. We sold about eight bushels and sowed a rood.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, mind you crumble up the clods,&#8221; said Levin, going towards his horse, &#8220;and keep an eye on Mishka. And if there's a good crop you shall have half a rouble for every acre.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Humbly thankful. We are very well content, sir, as it is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin got on his horse and rode towards the field where was last year's clover, and the one which was ploughed ready for the spring corn.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The crop of clover coming up in the stubble was magnificent. It had survived everything, and stood up vividly green through the broken stalks of last year's wheat. The horse sank in up to the pasterns, and he drew each hoof with a sucking sound out of the half-thawed ground. Over the ploughland riding was utterly impossible; the horse could only keep a foothold where there was ice, and in the thawing furrows he sank deep in at each step. The ploughland was in splendid condition; in a couple of days it would be fit for harrowing and sowing. Everything was capital, everything was cheering. Levin rode back across the streams, hoping the water would have gone down. And he did in fact get across, and startled two ducks. &#8220;There must be snipe too,&#8221; he thought, and just as he reached the turning homewards he met the forest keeper, who confirmed his theory about the snipe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin went home at a trot, so as to have time to eat his dinner and get his gun ready for the evening.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 14&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;As he rode up to the house in the happiest frame of mind, Levin heard the bell ring at the side of the principal entrance of the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, that's someone from the railway station,&#8221; he thought, &#8220;just the time to be here from the Moscow train ... Who could it be? What if it's brother Nikolay? He did say: &#8216;Maybe I'll go to the waters, or maybe I'll come down to you.'&#8221; He felt dismayed and vexed for the first minute, that his brother Nikolay's presence should come to disturb his happy mood of spring. But he felt ashamed of the feeling, and at once he opened, as it were, the arms of his soul, and with a softened feeling of joy and expectation, now he hoped with all his heart that it was his brother. He pricked up his horse, and riding out from behind the acacias he saw a hired three-horse sledge from the railway station, and a gentleman in a fur coat. It was not his brother. &#8220;Oh, if it were only some nice person one could talk to a little!&#8221; he thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah,&#8221; cried Levin joyfully, flinging up both his hands. &#8220;Here's a delightful visitor! Ah, how glad I am to see you!&#8221; he shouted, recognizing Stepan Arkadyevitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall find out for certain whether she's married, or when she's going to be married,&#8221; he thought. And on that delicious spring day he felt that the thought of her did not hurt him at all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you didn't expect me, eh?&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, getting out of the sledge, splashed with mud on the bridge of his nose, on his cheek, and on his eyebrows, but radiant with health and good spirits. &#8220;I've come to see you in the first place,&#8221; he said, embracing and kissing him, &#8220;to have some stand-shooting second, and to sell the forest at Ergushovo third.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Delightful! What a spring we're having! How ever did you get along in a sledge?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In a cart it would have been worse still, Konstantin Dmitrievitch,&#8221; answered the driver, who knew him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I'm very, very glad to see you,&#8221; said Levin, with a genuine smile of childlike delight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin led his friend to the room set apart for visitors, where Stepan Arkadyevitch's things were carried also&#8212;a bag, a gun in a case, a satchel for cigars. Leaving him there to wash and change his clothes, Levin went off to the counting house to speak about the ploughing and clover. Agafea Mihalovna, always very anxious for the credit of the house, met him in the hall with inquiries about dinner.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do just as you like, only let it be as soon as possible,&#8221; he said, and went to the bailiff.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When he came back, Stepan Arkadyevitch, washed and combed, came out of his room with a beaming smile, and they went upstairs together.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I am glad I managed to get away to you! Now I shall understand what the mysterious business is that you are always absorbed in here. No, really, I envy you. What a house, how nice it all is! So bright, so cheerful!&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, forgetting that it was not always spring and fine weather like that day. &#8220;And your nurse is simply charming! A pretty maid in an apron might be even more agreeable, perhaps; but for your severe monastic style it does very well.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch told him many interesting pieces of news; especially interesting to Levin was the news that his brother, Sergey Ivanovitch, was intending to pay him a visit in the summer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Not one word did Stepan Arkadyevitch say in reference to Kitty and the Shtcherbatskys; he merely gave him greetings from his wife. Levin was grateful to him for his delicacy and was very glad of his visitor. As always happened with him during his solitude, a mass of ideas and feelings had been accumulating within him, which he could not communicate to those about him. And now he poured out upon Stepan Arkadyevitch his poetic joy in the spring, and his failures and plans for the land, and his thoughts and criticisms on the books he had been reading, and the idea of his own book, the basis of which really was, though he was unaware of it himself, a criticism of all the old books on agriculture. Stepan Arkadyevitch, always charming, understanding everything at the slightest reference, was particularly charming on this visit, and Levin noticed in him a special tenderness, as it were, and a new tone of respect that flattered him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The efforts of Agafea Mihalovna and the cook, that the dinner should be particularly good, only ended in the two famished friends attacking the preliminary course, eating a great deal of bread and butter, salt goose and salted mushrooms, and in Levin's finally ordering the soup to be served without the accompaniment of little pies, with which the cook had particularly meant to impress their visitor. But though Stepan Arkadyevitch was accustomed to very different dinners, he thought everything excellent: the herb brandy, and the bread, and the butter, and above all the salt goose and the mushrooms, and the nettle soup, and the chicken in white sauce, and the white Crimean wine&#8212;everything was superb and delicious.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Splendid, splendid!&#8221; he said, lighting a fat cigar after the roast. &#8220;I feel as if, coming to you, I had landed on a peaceful shore after the noise and jolting of a steamer. And so you maintain that the laborer himself is an element to be studied and to regulate the choice of methods in agriculture. Of course, I'm an ignorant outsider; but I should fancy theory and its application will have its influence on the laborer too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but wait a bit. I'm not talking of political economy, I'm talking of the science of agriculture. It ought to be like the natural sciences, and to observe given phenomena and the laborer in his economic, ethnographical....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that instant Agafea Mihalovna came in with jam.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, Agafea Mihalovna,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, kissing the tips of his plump fingers, &#8220;what salt goose, what herb brandy!... What do you think, isn't it time to start, Kostya?&#8221; he added.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin looked out of the window at the sun sinking behind the bare tree-tops of the forest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it's time,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Kouzma, get ready the trap,&#8221; and he ran downstairs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch, going down, carefully took the canvas cover off his varnished gun case with his own hands, and opening it, began to get ready his expensive new-fashioned gun. Kouzma, who already scented a big tip, never left Stepan Arkadyevitch's side, and put on him both his stockings and boots, a task which Stepan Arkadyevitch readily left him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kostya, give orders that if the merchant Ryabinin comes ... I told him to come today, he's to be brought in and to wait for me....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, do you mean to say you're selling the forest to Ryabinin?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. Do you know him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To be sure I do. I have had to do business with him, &#8216;positively and conclusively.'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch laughed. &#8220;Positively and conclusively&#8221; were the merchant's favorite words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it's wonderfully funny the way he talks. She knows where her master's going!&#8221; he added, patting Laska, who hung about Levin, whining and licking his hands, his boots, and his gun.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The trap was already at the steps when they went out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I told them to bring the trap round; or would you rather walk?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, we'd better drive,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, getting into the trap. He sat down, tucked the tiger-skin rug round him, and lighted a cigar. &#8220;How is it you don't smoke? A cigar is a sort of thing, not exactly a pleasure, but the crown and outward sign of pleasure. Come, this is life! How splendid it is! This is how I should like to live!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, who prevents you?&#8221; said Levin, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you're a lucky man! You've got everything you like. You like horses&#8212;and you have them; dogs&#8212;you have them; shooting&#8212;you have it; farming&#8212;you have it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps because I rejoice in what I have, and don't fret for what I haven't,&#8221; said Levin, thinking of Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch comprehended, looked at him, but said nothing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin was grateful to Oblonsky for noticing, with his never-failing tact, that he dreaded conversation about the Shtcherbatskys, and so saying nothing about them. But now Levin was longing to find out what was tormenting him so, yet he had not the courage to begin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, tell me how things are going with you,&#8221; said Levin, bethinking himself that it was not nice of him to think only of himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch's eyes sparkled merrily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't admit, I know, that one can be fond of new rolls when one has had one's rations of bread&#8212;to your mind it's a crime; but I don't count life as life without love,&#8221; he said, taking Levin's question his own way. &#8220;What am I to do? I'm made that way. And really, one does so little harm to anyone, and gives oneself so much pleasure....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What! is there something new, then?&#8221; queried Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, my boy, there is! There, do you see, you know the type of Ossian's women.... Women, such as one sees in dreams.... Well, these women are sometimes to be met in reality ... and these women are terrible. Woman, don't you know, is such a subject that however much you study it, it's always perfectly new.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, then, it would be better not to study it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No. Some mathematician has said that enjoyment lies in the search for truth, not in the finding it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin listened in silence, and in spite of all the efforts he made, he could not in the least enter into the feelings of his friend and understand his sentiments and the charm of studying such women.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 15&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The place fixed on for the stand-shooting was not far above a stream in a little aspen copse. On reaching the copse, Levin got out of the trap and led Oblonsky to a corner of a mossy, swampy glade, already quite free from snow. He went back himself to a double birch tree on the other side, and leaning his gun on the fork of a dead lower branch, he took off his full overcoat, fastened his belt again, and worked his arms to see if they were free.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gray old Laska, who had followed them, sat down warily opposite him and pricked up her ears. The sun was setting behind a thick forest, and in the glow of sunset the birch trees, dotted about in the aspen copse, stood out clearly with their hanging twigs, and their buds swollen almost to bursting.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
From the thickest parts of the copse, where the snow still remained, came the faint sound of narrow winding threads of water running away. Tiny birds twittered, and now and then fluttered from tree to tree.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the pauses of complete stillness there came the rustle of last year's leaves, stirred by the thawing of the earth and the growth of the grass.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Imagine! One can hear and see the grass growing!&#8221; Levin said to himself, noticing a wet, slate-colored aspen leaf moving beside a blade of young grass. He stood, listened, and gazed sometimes down at the wet mossy ground, sometimes at Laska listening all alert, sometimes at the sea of bare tree tops that stretched on the slope below him, sometimes at the darkening sky, covered with white streaks of cloud.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A hawk flew high over a forest far away with slow sweep of its wings; another flew with exactly the same motion in the same direction and vanished. The birds twittered more and more loudly and busily in the thicket. An owl hooted not far off, and Laska, starting, stepped cautiously a few steps forward, and putting her head on one side, began to listen intently. Beyond the stream was heard the cuckoo. Twice she uttered her usual cuckoo call, and then gave a hoarse, hurried call and broke down.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Imagine! the cuckoo already!&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, coming out from behind a bush.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I hear it,&#8221; answered Levin, reluctantly breaking the stillness with his voice, which sounded disagreeable to himself. &#8220;Now it's coming!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch's figure again went behind the bush, and Levin saw nothing but the bright flash of a match, followed by the red glow and blue smoke of a cigarette.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tchk! tchk!&#8221; came the snapping sound of Stepan Arkadyevitch cocking his gun.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's that cry?&#8221; asked Oblonsky, drawing Levin's attention to a prolonged cry, as though a colt were whinnying in a high voice, in play.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, don't you know it? That's the hare. But enough talking! Listen, it's flying!&#8221; almost shrieked Levin, cocking his gun.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They heard a shrill whistle in the distance, and in the exact time, so well known to the sportsman, two seconds later&#8212;another, a third, and after the third whistle the hoarse, guttural cry could be heard.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin looked about him to right and to left, and there, just facing him against the dusky blue sky above the confused mass of tender shoots of the aspens, he saw the flying bird. It was flying straight towards him; the guttural cry, like the even tearing of some strong stuff, sounded close to his ear; the long beak and neck of the bird could be seen, and at the very instant when Levin was taking aim, behind the bush where Oblonsky stood, there was a flash of red lightning: the bird dropped like an arrow, and darted upwards again. Again came the red flash and the sound of a blow, and fluttering its wings as though trying to keep up in the air, the bird halted, stopped still an instant, and fell with a heavy splash on the slushy ground.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Can I have missed it?&#8221; shouted Stepan Arkadyevitch, who could not see for the smoke.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here it is!&#8221; said Levin, pointing to Laska, who with one ear raised, wagging the end of her shaggy tail, came slowly back as though she would prolong the pleasure, and as it were smiling, brought the dead bird to her master. &#8220;Well, I'm glad you were successful,&#8221; said Levin, who, at the same time, had a sense of envy that he had not succeeded in shooting the snipe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It was a bad shot from the right barrel,&#8221; responded Stepan Arkadyevitch, loading his gun. &#8220;Sh... it's flying!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The shrill whistles rapidly following one another were heard again. Two snipe, playing and chasing one another, and only whistling, not crying, flew straight at the very heads of the sportsmen. There was the report of four shots, and like swallows the snipe turned swift somersaults in the air and vanished from sight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The stand-shooting was capital. Stepan Arkadyevitch shot two more birds and Levin two, of which one was not found. It began to get dark. Venus, bright and silvery, shone with her soft light low down in the west behind the birch trees, and high up in the east twinkled the red lights of Arcturus. Over his head Levin made out the stars of the Great Bear and lost them again. The snipe had ceased flying; but Levin resolved to stay a little longer, till Venus, which he saw below a branch of birch, should be above it, and the stars of the Great Bear should be perfectly plain. Venus had risen above the branch, and the ear of the Great Bear with its shaft was now all plainly visible against the dark blue sky, yet still he waited.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Isn't it time to go home?&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was quite still now in the copse, and not a bird was stirring.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let's stay a little while,&#8221; answered Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As you like.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were standing now about fifteen paces from one another.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stiva!&#8221; said Levin unexpectedly; &#8220;how is it you don't tell me whether your sister-in-law's married yet, or when she's going to be?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin felt so resolute and serene that no answer, he fancied, could affect him. But he had never dreamed of what Stepan Arkadyevitch replied.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's never thought of being married, and isn't thinking of it; but she's very ill, and the doctors have sent her abroad. They're positively afraid she may not live.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What!&#8221; cried Levin. &#8220;Very ill? What is wrong with her? How has she...?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
While they were saying this, Laska, with ears pricked up, was looking upwards at the sky, and reproachfully at them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They have chosen a time to talk,&#8221; she was thinking. &#8220;It's on the wing.... Here it is, yes, it is. They'll miss it,&#8221; thought Laska.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But at that very instant both suddenly heard a shrill whistle which, as it were, smote on their ears, and both suddenly seized their guns and two flashes gleamed, and two bangs sounded at the very same instant. The snipe flying high above instantly folded its wings and fell into a thicket, bending down the delicate shoots.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Splendid! Together!&#8221; cried Levin, and he ran with Laska into the thicket to look for the snipe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes, what was it that was unpleasant?&#8221; he wondered. &#8220;Yes, Kitty's ill.... Well, it can't be helped; I'm very sorry,&#8221; he thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's found it! Isn't she a clever thing?&#8221; he said, taking the warm bird from Laska's mouth and packing it into the almost full game bag. &#8220;I've got it, Stiva!&#8221; he shouted.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 16&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;On the way home Levin asked all details of Kitty's illness and the Shtcherbatskys' plans, and though he would have been ashamed to admit it, he was pleased at what he heard. He was pleased that there was still hope, and still more pleased that she should be suffering who had made him suffer so much. But when Stepan Arkadyevitch began to speak of the causes of Kitty's illness, and mentioned Vronsky's name, Levin cut him short.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have no right whatever to know family matters, and, to tell the truth, no interest in them either.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch smiled hardly perceptibly, catching the instantaneous change he knew so well in Levin's face, which had become as gloomy as it had been bright a minute before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Have you quite settled about the forest with Ryabinin?&#8221; asked Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it's settled. The price is magnificent; thirty-eight thousand. Eight straight away, and the rest in six years. I've been bothering about it for ever so long. No one would give more.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Then you've as good as given away your forest for nothing,&#8221; said Levin gloomily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you mean for nothing?&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch with a good-humored smile, knowing that nothing would be right in Levin's eyes now.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Because the forest is worth at least a hundred and fifty roubles the acre,&#8221; answered Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, these farmers!&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch playfully. &#8220;Your tone of contempt for us poor townsfolk!... But when it comes to business, we do it better than anyone. I assure you I have reckoned it all out,&#8221; he said, &#8220;and the forest is fetching a very good price&#8212;so much so that I'm afraid of this fellow's crying off, in fact. You know it's not &#8216;timber,'&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, hoping by this distinction to convince Levin completely of the unfairness of his doubts. &#8220;And it won't run to more than twenty-five yards of fagots per acre, and he's giving me at the rate of seventy roubles the acre.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin smiled contemptuously. &#8220;I know,&#8221; he thought, &#8220;that fashion not only in him, but in all city people, who, after being twice in ten years in the country, pick up two or three phrases and use them in season and out of season, firmly persuaded that they know all about it. &#8216;Timber, run to so many yards the acre.' He says those words without understanding them himself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I wouldn't attempt to teach you what you write about in your office,&#8221; said he, &#8220;and if need arose, I should come to you to ask about it. But you're so positive you know all the lore of the forest. It's difficult. Have you counted the trees?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How count the trees?&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, laughing, still trying to draw his friend out of his ill-temper. &#8220;Count the sands of the sea, number the stars. Some higher power might do it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well, the higher power of Ryabinin can. Not a single merchant ever buys a forest without counting the trees, unless they get it given them for nothing, as you're doing now. I know your forest. I go there every year shooting, and your forest's worth a hundred and fifty roubles an acre paid down, while he's giving you sixty by installments. So that in fact you're making him a present of thirty thousand.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, don't let your imagination run away with you,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch piteously. &#8220;Why was it none would give it, then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, because he has an understanding with the merchants; he's bought them off. I've had to do with all of them; I know them. They're not merchants, you know: they're speculators. He wouldn't look at a bargain that gave him ten, fifteen per cent. profit, but holds back to buy a rouble's worth for twenty kopecks.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, enough of it! You're out of temper.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not the least,&#8221; said Levin gloomily, as they drove up to the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the steps there stood a trap tightly covered with iron and leather, with a sleek horse tightly harnessed with broad collar-straps. In the trap sat the chubby, tightly belted clerk who served Ryabinin as coachman. Ryabinin himself was already in the house, and met the friends in the hall. Ryabinin was a tall, thinnish, middle-aged man, with mustache and a projecting clean-shaven chin, and prominent muddy-looking eyes. He was dressed in a long-skirted blue coat, with buttons below the waist at the back, and wore high boots wrinkled over the ankles and straight over the calf, with big galoshes drawn over them. He rubbed his face with his handkerchief, and wrapping round him his coat, which sat extremely well as it was, he greeted them with a smile, holding out his hand to Stepan Arkadyevitch, as though he wanted to catch something.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So here you are,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, giving him his hand. &#8220;That's capital.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I did not venture to disregard your excellency's commands, though the road was extremely bad. I positively walked the whole way, but I am here at my time. Konstantin Dmitrievitch, my respects&#8221;; he turned to Levin, trying to seize his hand too. But Levin, scowling, made as though he did not notice his hand, and took out the snipe. &#8220;Your honors have been diverting yourselves with the chase? What kind of bird may it be, pray?&#8221; added Ryabinin, looking contemptuously at the snipe: &#8220;a great delicacy, I suppose.&#8221; And he shook his head disapprovingly, as though he had grave doubts whether this game were worth the candle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Would you like to go into my study?&#8221; Levin said in French to Stepan Arkadyevitch, scowling morosely. &#8220;Go into my study; you can talk there.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quite so, where you please,&#8221; said Ryabinin with contemptuous dignity, as though wishing to make it felt that others might be in difficulties as to how to behave, but that he could never be in any difficulty about anything.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On entering the study Ryabinin looked about, as his habit was, as though seeking the holy picture, but when he had found it, he did not cross himself. He scanned the bookcases and bookshelves, and with the same dubious air with which he had regarded the snipe, he smiled contemptuously and shook his head disapprovingly, as though by no means willing to allow that this game were worth the candle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, have you brought the money?&#8221; asked Oblonsky. &#8220;Sit down.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, don't trouble about the money. I've come to see you to talk it over.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is there to talk over? But do sit down.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't mind if I do,&#8221; said Ryabinin, sitting down and leaning his elbows on the back of his chair in a position of the intensest discomfort to himself. &#8220;You must knock it down a bit, prince. It would be too bad. The money is ready conclusively to the last farthing. As to paying the money down, there'll be no hitch there.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin, who had meanwhile been putting his gun away in the cupboard, was just going out of the door, but catching the merchant's words, he stopped.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, you've got the forest for nothing as it is,&#8221; he said. &#8220;He came to me too late, or I'd have fixed the price for him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Ryabinin got up, and in silence, with a smile, he looked Levin down and up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very close about money is Konstantin Dmitrievitch,&#8221; he said with a smile, turning to Stepan Arkadyevitch; &#8220;there's positively no dealing with him. I was bargaining for some wheat of him, and a pretty price I offered too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why should I give you my goods for nothing? I didn't pick it up on the ground, nor steal it either.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mercy on us! nowadays there's no chance at all of stealing. With the open courts and everything done in style, nowadays there's no question of stealing. We are just talking things over like gentlemen. His excellency's asking too much for the forest. I can't make both ends meet over it. I must ask for a little concession.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But is the thing settled between you or not? If it's settled, it's useless haggling; but if it's not,&#8221; said Levin, &#8220;I'll buy the forest.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The smile vanished at once from Ryabinin's face. A hawklike, greedy, cruel expression was left upon it. With rapid, bony fingers he unbuttoned his coat, revealing a shirt, bronze waistcoat buttons, and a watch chain, and quickly pulled out a fat old pocketbook.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here you are, the forest is mine,&#8221; he said, crossing himself quickly, and holding out his hand. &#8220;Take the money; it's my forest. That's Ryabinin's way of doing business; he doesn't haggle over every half-penny,&#8221; he added, scowling and waving the pocketbook.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I wouldn't be in a hurry if I were you,&#8221; said Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, really,&#8221; said Oblonsky in surprise. &#8220;I've given my word, you know.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin went out of the room, slamming the door. Ryabinin looked towards the door and shook his head with a smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's all youthfulness&#8212;positively nothing but boyishness. Why, I'm buying it, upon my honor, simply, believe me, for the glory of it, that Ryabinin, and no one else, should have bought the copse of Oblonsky. And as to the profits, why, I must make what God gives. In God's name. If you would kindly sign the title-deed....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Within an hour the merchant, stroking his big overcoat neatly down, and hooking up his jacket, with the agreement in his pocket, seated himself in his tightly covered trap, and drove homewards.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ugh, these gentlefolks!&#8221; he said to the clerk. &#8220;They&#8212;they're a nice lot!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's so,&#8221; responded the clerk, handing him the reins and buttoning the leather apron. &#8220;But I can congratulate you on the purchase, Mihail Ignatitch?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, well.&#8230;&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 17&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Stepan Arkadyevitch went upstairs with his pocket bulging with notes, which the merchant had paid him for three months in advance. The business of the forest was over, the money in his pocket; their shooting had been excellent, and Stepan Arkadyevitch was in the happiest frame of mind, and so he felt specially anxious to dissipate the ill-humor that had come upon Levin. He wanted to finish the day at supper as pleasantly as it had been begun.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin certainly was out of humor, and in spite of all his desire to be affectionate and cordial to his charming visitor, he could not control his mood. The intoxication of the news that Kitty was not married had gradually begun to work upon him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty was not married, but ill, and ill from love for a man who had slighted her. This slight, as it were, rebounded upon him. Vronsky had slighted her, and she had slighted him, Levin. Consequently Vronsky had the right to despise Levin, and therefore he was his enemy. But all this Levin did not think out. He vaguely felt that there was something in it insulting to him, and he was not angry now at what had disturbed him, but he fell foul of everything that presented itself. The stupid sale of the forest, the fraud practiced upon Oblonsky and concluded in his house, exasperated him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, finished?&#8221; he said, meeting Stepan Arkadyevitch upstairs. &#8220;Would you like supper?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I wouldn't say no to it. What an appetite I get in the country! Wonderful! Why didn't you offer Ryabinin something?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, damn him!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Still, how you do treat him!&#8221; said Oblonsky. &#8220;You didn't even shake hands with him. Why not shake hands with him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Because I don't shake hands with a waiter, and a waiter's a hundred times better than he is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a reactionist you are, really! What about the amalgamation of classes?&#8221; said Oblonsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anyone who likes amalgamating is welcome to it, but it sickens me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're a regular reactionist, I see.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Really, I have never considered what I am. I am Konstantin Levin, and nothing else.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And Konstantin Levin very much out of temper,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I am out of temper, and do you know why? Because&#8212;excuse me&#8212;of your stupid sale....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch frowned good-humoredly, like one who feels himself teased and attacked for no fault of his own.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, enough about it!&#8221; he said. &#8220;When did anybody ever sell anything without being told immediately after the sale, &#8216;It was worth much more'? But when one wants to sell, no one will give anything.... No, I see you've a grudge against that unlucky Ryabinin.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Maybe I have. And do you know why? You'll say again that I'm a reactionist, or some other terrible word; but all the same it does annoy and anger me to see on all sides the impoverishing of the nobility to which I belong, and, in spite of the amalgamation of classes, I'm glad to belong. And their impoverishment is not due to extravagance&#8212;that would be nothing; living in good style&#8212;that's the proper thing for noblemen; it's only the nobles who know how to do it. Now the peasants about us buy land, and I don't mind that. The gentleman does nothing, while the peasant works and supplants the idle man. That's as it ought to be. And I'm very glad for the peasant. But I do mind seeing the process of impoverishment from a sort of&#8212;I don't know what to call it&#8212;innocence. Here a Polish speculator bought for half its value a magnificent estate from a young lady who lives in Nice. And there a merchant will get three acres of land, worth ten roubles, as security for the loan of one rouble. Here, for no kind of reason, you've made that rascal a present of thirty thousand roubles.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what should I have done? Counted every tree?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course, they must be counted. You didn't count them, but Ryabinin did. Ryabinin's children will have means of livelihood and education, while yours maybe will not!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you must excuse me, but there's something mean in this counting. We have our business and they have theirs, and they must make their profit. Anyway, the thing's done, and there's an end of it. And here come some poached eggs, my favorite dish. And Agafea Mihalovna will give us that marvelous herb-brandy....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Stepan Arkadyevitch sat down at the table and began joking with Agafea Mihalovna, assuring her that it was long since he had tasted such a dinner and such a supper.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you do praise it, anyway,&#8221; said Agafea Mihalovna, &#8220;but Konstantin Dmitrievitch, give him what you will&#8212;a crust of bread&#8212;he'll eat it and walk away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though Levin tried to control himself, he was gloomy and silent. He wanted to put one question to Stepan Arkadyevitch, but he could not bring himself to the point, and could not find the words or the moment in which to put it. Stepan Arkadyevitch had gone down to his room, undressed, again washed, and attired in a nightshirt with goffered frills, he had got into bed, but Levin still lingered in his room, talking of various trifling matters, and not daring to ask what he wanted to know.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How wonderfully they make this soap,&#8221; he said gazing at a piece of soap he was handling, which Agafea Mihalovna had put ready for the visitor but Oblonsky had not used. &#8220;Only look; why, it's a work of art.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, everything's brought to such a pitch of perfection nowadays,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, with a moist and blissful yawn. &#8220;The theater, for instance, and the entertainments ... a&#8212;a&#8212;a!&#8221; he yawned. &#8220;The electric light everywhere ... a&#8212;a&#8212;a!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, the electric light,&#8221; said Levin. &#8220;Yes. Oh, and where's Vronsky now?&#8221; he asked suddenly, laying down the soap.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Vronsky?&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, checking his yawn; &#8220;he's in Petersburg. He left soon after you did, and he's not once been in Moscow since. And do you know, Kostya, I'll tell you the truth,&#8221; he went on, leaning his elbow on the table, and propping on his hand his handsome ruddy face, in which his moist, good-natured, sleepy eyes shone like stars. &#8220;It's your own fault. You took fright at the sight of your rival. But, as I told you at the time, I couldn't say which had the better chance. Why didn't you fight it out? I told you at the time that....&#8221; He yawned inwardly, without opening his mouth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Does he know, or doesn't he, that I did make an offer?&#8221; Levin wondered, gazing at him. &#8220;Yes, there's something humbugging, diplomatic in his face,&#8221; and feeling he was blushing, he looked Stepan Arkadyevitch straight in the face without speaking.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If there was anything on her side at the time, it was nothing but a superficial attraction,&#8221; pursued Oblonsky. &#8220;His being such a perfect aristocrat, don't you know, and his future position in society, had an influence not with her, but with her mother.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin scowled. The humiliation of his rejection stung him to the heart, as though it were a fresh wound he had only just received. But he was at home, and the walls of home are a support.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stay, stay,&#8221; he began, interrupting Oblonsky. &#8220;You talk of his being an aristocrat. But allow me to ask what it consists in, that aristocracy of Vronsky or of anybody else, beside which I can be looked down upon? You consider Vronsky an aristocrat, but I don't. A man whose father crawled up from nothing at all by intrigue, and whose mother&#8212;God knows whom she wasn't mixed up with.... No, excuse me, but I consider myself aristocratic, and people like me, who can point back in the past to three or four honorable generations of their family, of the highest degree of breeding (talent and intellect, of course that's another matter), and have never curried favor with anyone, never depended on anyone for anything, like my father and my grandfather. And I know many such. You think it mean of me to count the trees in my forest, while you make Ryabinin a present of thirty thousand; but you get rents from your lands and I don't know what, while I don't and so I prize what's come to me from my ancestors or been won by hard work.... We are aristocrats, and not those who can only exist by favor of the powerful of this world, and who can be bought for twopence halfpenny.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, but whom are you attacking? I agree with you,&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, sincerely and genially; though he was aware that in the class of those who could be bought for twopence halfpenny Levin was reckoning him too. Levin's warmth gave him genuine pleasure. &#8220;Whom are you attacking? Though a good deal is not true that you say about Vronsky, but I won't talk about that. I tell you straight out, if I were you, I should go back with me to Moscow, and....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; I don't know whether you know it or not, but I don't care. And I tell you&#8212;I did make an offer and was rejected, and Katerina Alexandrovna is nothing now to me but a painful and humiliating reminiscence.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What ever for? What nonsense!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But we won't talk about it. Please forgive me, if I've been nasty,&#8221; said Levin. Now that he had opened his heart, he became as he had been in the morning. &#8220;You're not angry with me, Stiva? Please don't be angry,&#8221; he said, and smiling, he took his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course not; not a bit, and no reason to be. I'm glad we've spoken openly. And do you know, stand-shooting in the morning is unusually good&#8212;why not go? I couldn't sleep the night anyway, but I might go straight from shooting to the station.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Capital.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 18&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Although all Vronsky's inner life was absorbed in his passion, his external life unalterably and inevitably followed along the old accustomed lines of his social and regimental ties and interests. The interests of his regiment took an important place in Vronsky's life, both because he was fond of the regiment, and because the regiment was fond of him. They were not only fond of Vronsky in his regiment, they respected him too, and were proud of him; proud that this man, with his immense wealth, his brilliant education and abilities, and the path open before him to every kind of success, distinction, and ambition, had disregarded all that, and of all the interests of life had the interests of his regiment and his comrades nearest to his heart. Vronsky was aware of his comrades' view of him, and in addition to his liking for the life, he felt bound to keep up that reputation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It need not be said that he did not speak of his love to any of his comrades, nor did he betray his secret even in the wildest drinking bouts (though indeed he was never so drunk as to lose all control of himself). And he shut up any of his thoughtless comrades who attempted to allude to his connection. But in spite of that, his love was known to all the town; everyone guessed with more or less confidence at his relations with Madame Karenina. The majority of the younger men envied him for just what was the most irksome factor in his love&#8212;the exalted position of Karenin, and the consequent publicity of their connection in society.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The greater number of the young women, who envied Anna and had long been weary of hearing her called &lt;i&gt;virtuous&lt;/i&gt;, rejoiced at the fulfillment of their predictions, and were only waiting for a decisive turn in public opinion to fall upon her with all the weight of their scorn. They were already making ready their handfuls of mud to fling at her when the right moment arrived. The greater number of the middle-aged people and certain great personages were displeased at the prospect of the impending scandal in society.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky's mother, on hearing of his connection, was at first pleased at it, because nothing to her mind gave such a finishing touch to a brilliant young man as a &lt;i&gt;liaison&lt;/i&gt; in the highest society; she was pleased, too, that Madame Karenina, who had so taken her fancy, and had talked so much of her son, was, after all, just like all other pretty and well-bred women,&#8212;at least according to the Countess Vronskaya's ideas. But she had heard of late that her son had refused a position offered him of great importance to his career, simply in order to remain in the regiment, where he could be constantly seeing Madame Karenina. She learned that great personages were displeased with him on this account, and she changed her opinion. She was vexed, too, that from all she could learn of this connection it was not that brilliant, graceful, worldly &lt;i&gt;liaison&lt;/i&gt; which she would have welcomed, but a sort of Wertherish, desperate passion, so she was told, which might well lead him into imprudence. She had not seen him since his abrupt departure from Moscow, and she sent her elder son to bid him come to see her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This elder son, too, was displeased with his younger brother. He did not distinguish what sort of love his might be, big or little, passionate or passionless, lasting or passing (he kept a ballet girl himself, though he was the father of a family, so he was lenient in these matters), but he knew that this love affair was viewed with displeasure by those whom it was necessary to please, and therefore he did not approve of his brother's conduct.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Besides the service and society, Vronsky had another great interest&#8212;horses; he was passionately fond of horses.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That year races and a steeplechase had been arranged for the officers. Vronsky had put his name down, bought a thoroughbred English mare, and in spite of his love affair, he was looking forward to the races with intense, though reserved, excitement....&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
These two passions did not interfere with one another. On the contrary, he needed occupation and distraction quite apart from his love, so as to recruit and rest himself from the violent emotions that agitated him.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 19&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;On the day of the races at Krasnoe Selo, Vronsky had come earlier than usual to eat beefsteak in the common messroom of the regiment. He had no need to be strict with himself, as he had very quickly been brought down to the required light weight; but still he had to avoid gaining flesh, and so he eschewed farinaceous and sweet dishes. He sat with his coat unbuttoned over a white waistcoat, resting both elbows on the table, and while waiting for the steak he had ordered he looked at a French novel that lay open on his plate. He was only looking at the book to avoid conversation with the officers coming in and out; he was thinking.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was thinking of Anna's promise to see him that day after the races. But he had not seen her for three days, and as her husband had just returned from abroad, he did not know whether she would be able to meet him today or not, and he did not know how to find out. He had had his last interview with her at his cousin Betsy's summer villa. He visited the Karenins' summer villa as rarely as possible. Now he wanted to go there, and he pondered the question how to do it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course I shall say Betsy has sent me to ask whether she's coming to the races. Of course, I'll go,&#8221; he decided, lifting his head from the book. And as he vividly pictured the happiness of seeing her, his face lighted up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Send to my house, and tell them to have out the carriage and three horses as quick as they can,&#8221; he said to the servant, who handed him the steak on a hot silver dish, and moving the dish up he began eating.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
From the billiard room next door came the sound of balls knocking, of talk and laughter. Two officers appeared at the entrance-door: one, a young fellow, with a feeble, delicate face, who had lately joined the regiment from the Corps of Pages; the other, a plump, elderly officer, with a bracelet on his wrist, and little eyes, lost in fat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky glanced at them, frowned, and looking down at his book as though he had not noticed them, he proceeded to eat and read at the same time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What? Fortifying yourself for your work?&#8221; said the plump officer, sitting down beside him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As you see,&#8221; responded Vronsky, knitting his brows, wiping his mouth, and not looking at the officer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you're not afraid of getting fat?&#8221; said the latter, turning a chair round for the young officer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What?&#8221; said Vronsky angrily, making a wry face of disgust, and showing his even teeth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're not afraid of getting fat?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Waiter, sherry!&#8221; said Vronsky, without replying, and moving the book to the other side of him, he went on reading.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The plump officer took up the list of wines and turned to the young officer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You choose what we're to drink,&#8221; he said, handing him the card, and looking at him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Rhine wine, please,&#8221; said the young officer, stealing a timid glance at Vronsky, and trying to pull his scarcely visible mustache. Seeing that Vronsky did not turn round, the young officer got up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let's go into the billiard room,&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The plump officer rose submissively, and they moved towards the door.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that moment there walked into the room the tall and well-built Captain Yashvin. Nodding with an air of lofty contempt to the two officers, he went up to Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! here he is!&#8221; he cried, bringing his big hand down heavily on his epaulet. Vronsky looked round angrily, but his face lighted up immediately with his characteristic expression of genial and manly serenity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's it, Alexey,&#8221; said the captain, in his loud baritone. &#8220;You must just eat a mouthful, now, and drink only one tiny glass.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I'm not hungry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There go the inseparables,&#8221; Yashvin dropped, glancing sarcastically at the two officers who were at that instant leaving the room. And he bent his long legs, swathed in tight riding breeches, and sat down in the chair, too low for him, so that his knees were cramped up in a sharp angle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why didn't you turn up at the Red Theater yesterday? Numerova wasn't at all bad. Where were you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was late at the Tverskoys',&#8221; said Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah!&#8221; responded Yashvin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yashvin, a gambler and a rake, a man not merely without moral principles, but of immoral principles, Yashvin was Vronsky's greatest friend in the regiment. Vronsky liked him both for his exceptional physical strength, which he showed for the most part by being able to drink like a fish, and do without sleep without being in the slightest degree affected by it; and for his great strength of character, which he showed in his relations with his comrades and superior officers, commanding both fear and respect, and also at cards, when he would play for tens of thousands and however much he might have drunk, always with such skill and decision that he was reckoned the best player in the English Club. Vronsky respected and liked Yashvin particularly because he felt Yashvin liked him, not for his name and his money, but for himself. And of all men he was the only one with whom Vronsky would have liked to speak of his love. He felt that Yashvin, in spite of his apparent contempt for every sort of feeling, was the only man who could, so he fancied, comprehend the intense passion which now filled his whole life. Moreover, he felt certain that Yashvin, as it was, took no delight in gossip and scandal, and interpreted his feeling rightly, that is to say, knew and believed that this passion was not a jest, not a pastime, but something more serious and important.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky had never spoken to him of his passion, but he was aware that he knew all about it, and that he put the right interpretation on it, and he was glad to see that in his eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! yes,&#8221; he said, to the announcement that Vronsky had been at the Tverskoys'; and his black eyes shining, he plucked at his left mustache, and began twisting it into his mouth, a bad habit he had.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and what did you do yesterday? Win anything?&#8221; asked Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Eight thousand. But three don't count; he won't pay up.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, then you can afford to lose over me,&#8221; said Vronsky, laughing. (Yashvin had bet heavily on Vronsky in the races.)&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No chance of my losing. Mahotin's the only one that's risky.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the conversation passed to forecasts of the coming race, the only thing Vronsky could think of just now.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come along, I've finished,&#8221; said Vronsky, and getting up he went to the door. Yashvin got up too, stretching his long legs and his long back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's too early for me to dine, but I must have a drink. I'll come along directly. Hi, wine!&#8221; he shouted, in his rich voice, that always rang out so loudly at drill, and set the windows shaking now.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, all right,&#8221; he shouted again immediately after. &#8220;You're going home, so I'll go with you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he walked out with Vronsky.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 20&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Vronsky was staying in a roomy, clean, Finnish hut, divided into two by a partition. Petritsky lived with him in camp too. Petritsky was asleep when Vronsky and Yashvin came into the hut.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Get up, don't go on sleeping,&#8221; said Yashvin, going behind the partition and giving Petritsky, who was lying with ruffled hair and with his nose in the pillow, a prod on the shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Petritsky jumped up suddenly onto his knees and looked round.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Your brother's been here,&#8221; he said to Vronsky. &#8220;He waked me up, damn him, and said he'd look in again.&#8221; And pulling up the rug he flung himself back on the pillow. &#8220;Oh, do shut up, Yashvin!&#8221; he said, getting furious with Yashvin, who was pulling the rug off him. &#8220;Shut up!&#8221; He turned over and opened his eyes. &#8220;You'd better tell me what to drink; such a nasty taste in my mouth, that....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brandy's better than anything,&#8221; boomed Yashvin. &#8220;Tereshtchenko! brandy for your master and cucumbers,&#8221; he shouted, obviously taking pleasure in the sound of his own voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Brandy, do you think? Eh?&#8221; queried Petritsky, blinking and rubbing his eyes. &#8220;And you'll drink something? All right then, we'll have a drink together! Vronsky, have a drink?&#8221; said Petritsky, getting up and wrapping the tiger-skin rug round him. He went to the door of the partition wall, raised his hands, and hummed in French, &#8220;There was a king in Thule.&#8221; &#8220;Vronsky, will you have a drink?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Go along,&#8221; said Vronsky, putting on the coat his valet handed to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where are you off to?&#8221; asked Yashvin. &#8220;Oh, here are your three horses,&#8221; he added, seeing the carriage drive up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To the stables, and I've got to see Bryansky, too, about the horses,&#8221; said Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky had as a fact promised to call at Bryansky's, some eight miles from Peterhof, and to bring him some money owing for some horses; and he hoped to have time to get that in too. But his comrades were at once aware that he was not only going there.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Petritsky, still humming, winked and made a pout with his lips, as though he would say: &#8220;Oh, yes, we know your Bryansky.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mind you're not late!&#8221; was Yashvin's only comment; and to change the conversation: &#8220;How's my roan? is he doing all right?&#8221; he inquired, looking out of the window at the middle one of the three horses, which he had sold Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stop!&#8221; cried Petritsky to Vronsky as he was just going out. &#8220;Your brother left a letter and a note for you. Wait a bit; where are they?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky stopped.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, where are they?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where are they? That's just the question!&#8221; said Petritsky solemnly, moving his forefinger upwards from his nose.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, tell me; this is silly!&#8221; said Vronsky smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have not lighted the fire. Here somewhere about.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, enough fooling! Where is the letter?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I've forgotten really. Or was it a dream? Wait a bit, wait a bit! But what's the use of getting in a rage. If you'd drunk four bottles yesterday as I did you'd forget where you were lying. Wait a bit, I'll remember!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Petritsky went behind the partition and lay down on his bed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Wait a bit! This was how I was lying, and this was how he was standing. Yes&#8212;yes&#8212;yes.... Here it is!&#8221;&#8212;and Petritsky pulled a letter out from under the mattress, where he had hidden it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky took the letter and his brother's note. It was the letter he was expecting&#8212;from his mother, reproaching him for not having been to see her&#8212;and the note was from his brother to say that he must have a little talk with him. Vronsky knew that it was all about the same thing. &#8220;What business is it of theirs!&#8221; thought Vronsky, and crumpling up the letters he thrust them between the buttons of his coat so as to read them carefully on the road. In the porch of the hut he was met by two officers; one of his regiment and one of another.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky's quarters were always a meeting place for all the officers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where are you off to?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must go to Peterhof.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Has the mare come from Tsarskoe?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but I've not seen her yet.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They say Mahotin's Gladiator's lame.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nonsense! But however are you going to race in this mud?&#8221; said the other.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here are my saviors!&#8221; cried Petritsky, seeing them come in. Before him stood the orderly with a tray of brandy and salted cucumbers. &#8220;Here's Yashvin ordering me to drink a pick-me-up.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you did give it to us yesterday,&#8221; said one of those who had come in; &#8220;you didn't let us get a wink of sleep all night.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, didn't we make a pretty finish!&#8221; said Petritsky. &#8220;Volkov climbed onto the roof and began telling us how sad he was. I said: &#8216;Let's have music, the funeral march!' He fairly dropped asleep on the roof over the funeral march.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Drink it up; you positively must drink the brandy, and then seltzer water and a lot of lemon,&#8221; said Yashvin, standing over Petritsky like a mother making a child take medicine, &#8220;and then a little champagne&#8212;just a small bottle.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, there's some sense in that. Stop a bit, Vronsky. We'll all have a drink.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; good-bye all of you. I'm not going to drink today.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, are you gaining weight? All right, then we must have it alone. Give us the seltzer water and lemon.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Vronsky!&#8221; shouted someone when he was already outside.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You'd better get your hair cut, it'll weigh you down, especially at the top.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky was in fact beginning, prematurely, to get a little bald. He laughed gaily, showing his even teeth, and pulling his cap over the thin place, went out and got into his carriage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To the stables!&#8221; he said, and was just pulling out the letters to read them through, but he thought better of it, and put off reading them so as not to distract his attention before looking at the mare. &#8220;Later!&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 21&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The temporary stable, a wooden shed, had been put up close to the race course, and there his mare was to have been taken the previous day. He had not yet seen her there.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
During the last few days he had not ridden her out for exercise himself, but had put her in the charge of the trainer, and so now he positively did not know in what condition his mare had arrived yesterday and was today. He had scarcely got out of his carriage when his groom, the so-called &#8220;stable boy,&#8221; recognizing the carriage some way off, called the trainer. A dry-looking Englishman, in high boots and a short jacket, clean-shaven, except for a tuft below his chin, came to meet him, walking with the uncouth gait of jockey, turning his elbows out and swaying from side to side.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, how's Frou-Frou?&#8221; Vronsky asked in English.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right, sir,&#8221; the Englishman's voice responded somewhere in the inside of his throat. &#8220;Better not go in,&#8221; he added, touching his hat. &#8220;I've put a muzzle on her, and the mare's fidgety. Better not go in, it'll excite the mare.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I'm going in. I want to look at her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come along, then,&#8221; said the Englishman, frowning, and speaking with his mouth shut, and, with swinging elbows, he went on in front with his disjointed gait.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They went into the little yard in front of the shed. A stable boy, spruce and smart in his holiday attire, met them with a broom in his hand, and followed them. In the shed there were five horses in their separate stalls, and Vronsky knew that his chief rival, Gladiator, a very tall chestnut horse, had been brought there, and must be standing among them. Even more than his mare, Vronsky longed to see Gladiator, whom he had never seen. But he knew that by the etiquette of the race course it was not merely impossible for him to see the horse, but improper even to ask questions about him. Just as he was passing along the passage, the boy opened the door into the second horse-box on the left, and Vronsky caught a glimpse of a big chestnut horse with white legs. He knew that this was Gladiator, but, with the feeling of a man turning away from the sight of another man's open letter, he turned round and went into Frou-Frou's stall.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The horse is here belonging to Mak... Mak... I never can say the name,&#8221; said the Englishman, over his shoulder, pointing his big finger and dirty nail towards Gladiator's stall.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mahotin? Yes, he's my most serious rival,&#8221; said Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you were riding him,&#8221; said the Englishman, &#8220;I'd bet on you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Frou-Frou's more nervous; he's stronger,&#8221; said Vronsky, smiling at the compliment to his riding.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In a steeplechase it all depends on riding and on pluck,&#8221; said the Englishman.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Of pluck&#8212;that is, energy and courage&#8212;Vronsky did not merely feel that he had enough; what was of far more importance, he was firmly convinced that no one in the world could have more of this &#8220;pluck&#8221; than he had.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't you think I want more thinning down?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no,&#8221; answered the Englishman. &#8220;Please, don't speak loud. The mare's fidgety,&#8221; he added, nodding towards the horse-box, before which they were standing, and from which came the sound of restless stamping in the straw.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He opened the door, and Vronsky went into the horse-box, dimly lighted by one little window. In the horse-box stood a dark bay mare, with a muzzle on, picking at the fresh straw with her hoofs. Looking round him in the twilight of the horse-box, Vronsky unconsciously took in once more in a comprehensive glance all the points of his favorite mare. Frou-Frou was a beast of medium size, not altogether free from reproach, from a breeder's point of view. She was small-boned all over; though her chest was extremely prominent in front, it was narrow. Her hind-quarters were a little drooping, and in her fore-legs, and still more in her hind-legs, there was a noticeable curvature. The muscles of both hind- and fore-legs were not very thick; but across her shoulders the mare was exceptionally broad, a peculiarity specially striking now that she was lean from training. The bones of her legs below the knees looked no thicker than a finger from in front, but were extraordinarily thick seen from the side. She looked altogether, except across the shoulders, as it were, pinched in at the sides and pressed out in depth. But she had in the highest degree the quality that makes all defects forgotten: that quality was &lt;i&gt;blood&lt;/i&gt;, the blood &lt;i&gt;that tells&lt;/i&gt;, as the English expression has it. The muscles stood up sharply under the network of sinews, covered with the delicate, mobile skin, soft as satin, and they were hard as bone. Her clean-cut head, with prominent, bright, spirited eyes, broadened out at the open nostrils, that showed the red blood in the cartilage within. About all her figure, and especially her head, there was a certain expression of energy, and, at the same time, of softness. She was one of those creatures which seem only not to speak because the mechanism of their mouth does not allow them to.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To Vronsky, at any rate, it seemed that she understood all he felt at that moment, looking at her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Directly Vronsky went towards her, she drew in a deep breath, and, turning back her prominent eye till the white looked bloodshot, she started at the approaching figures from the opposite side, shaking her muzzle, and shifting lightly from one leg to the other.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There, you see how fidgety she is,&#8221; said the Englishman.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There, darling! There!&#8221; said Vronsky, going up to the mare and speaking soothingly to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But the nearer he came, the more excited she grew. Only when he stood by her head, she was suddenly quieter, while the muscles quivered under her soft, delicate coat. Vronsky patted her strong neck, straightened over her sharp withers a stray lock of her mane that had fallen on the other side, and moved his face near her dilated nostrils, transparent as a bat's wing. She drew a loud breath and snorted out through her tense nostrils, started, pricked up her sharp ear, and put out her strong, black lip towards Vronsky, as though she would nip hold of his sleeve. But remembering the muzzle, she shook it and again began restlessly stamping one after the other her shapely legs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quiet, darling, quiet!&#8221; he said, patting her again over her hind-quarters; and with a glad sense that his mare was in the best possible condition, he went out of the horse-box.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The mare's excitement had infected Vronsky. He felt that his heart was throbbing, and that he, too, like the mare, longed to move, to bite; it was both dreadful and delicious.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I rely on you, then,&#8221; he said to the Englishman; &#8220;half-past six on the ground.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right,&#8221; said the Englishman. &#8220;Oh, where are you going, my lord?&#8221; he asked suddenly, using the title &#8220;my lord,&#8221; which he had scarcely ever used before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky in amazement raised his head, and stared, as he knew how to stare, not into the Englishman's eyes, but at his forehead, astounded at the impertinence of his question. But realizing that in asking this the Englishman had been looking at him not as an employer, but as a jockey, he answered:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've got to go to Bryansky's; I shall be home within an hour.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How often I'm asked that question today!&#8221; he said to himself, and he blushed, a thing which rarely happened to him. The Englishman looked gravely at him; and, as though he, too, knew where Vronsky was going, he added:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The great thing's to keep quiet before a race,&#8221; said he; &#8220;don't get out of temper or upset about anything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right,&#8221; answered Vronsky, smiling; and jumping into his carriage, he told the man to drive to Peterhof.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Before he had driven many paces away, the dark clouds that had been threatening rain all day broke, and there was a heavy downpour of rain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a pity!&#8221; thought Vronsky, putting up the roof of the carriage. &#8220;It was muddy before, now it will be a perfect swamp.&#8221; As he sat in solitude in the closed carriage, he took out his mother's letter and his brother's note, and read them through.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yes, it was the same thing over and over again. Everyone, his mother, his brother, everyone thought fit to interfere in the affairs of his heart. This interference aroused in him a feeling of angry hatred&#8212;a feeling he had rarely known before. &#8220;What business is it of theirs? Why does everybody feel called upon to concern himself about me? And why do they worry me so? Just because they see that this is something they can't understand. If it were a common, vulgar, worldly intrigue, they would have left me alone. They feel that this is something different, that this is not a mere pastime, that this woman is dearer to me than life. And this is incomprehensible, and that's why it annoys them. Whatever our destiny is or may be, we have made it ourselves, and we do not complain of it,&#8221; he said, in the word &lt;i&gt;we&lt;/i&gt; linking himself with Anna. &#8220;No, they must needs teach us how to live. They haven't an idea of what happiness is; they don't know that without our love, for us there is neither happiness nor unhappiness&#8212;no life at all,&#8221; he thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was angry with all of them for their interference just because he felt in his soul that they, all these people, were right. He felt that the love that bound him to Anna was not a momentary impulse, which would pass, as worldly intrigues do pass, leaving no other traces in the life of either but pleasant or unpleasant memories. He felt all the torture of his own and her position, all the difficulty there was for them, conspicuous as they were in the eye of all the world, in concealing their love, in lying and deceiving; and in lying, deceiving, feigning, and continually thinking of others, when the passion that united them was so intense that they were both oblivious of everything else but their love.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He vividly recalled all the constantly recurring instances of inevitable necessity for lying and deceit, which were so against his natural bent. He recalled particularly vividly the shame he had more than once detected in her at this necessity for lying and deceit. And he experienced the strange feeling that had sometimes come upon him since his secret love for Anna. This was a feeling of loathing for something&#8212;whether for Alexey Alexandrovitch, or for himself, or for the whole world, he could not have said. But he always drove away this strange feeling. Now, too, he shook it off and continued the thread of his thoughts.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, she was unhappy before, but proud and at peace; and now she cannot be at peace and feel secure in her dignity, though she does not show it. Yes, we must put an end to it,&#8221; he decided.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And for the first time the idea clearly presented itself that it was essential to put an end to this false position, and the sooner the better. &#8220;Throw up everything, she and I, and hide ourselves somewhere alone with our love,&#8221; he said to himself.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 22&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The rain did not last long, and by the time Vronsky arrived, his shaft-horse trotting at full speed and dragging the trace-horses galloping through the mud, with their reins hanging loose, the sun had peeped out again, the roofs of the summer villas and the old limetrees in the gardens on both sides of the principal streets sparkled with wet brilliance, and from the twigs came a pleasant drip and from the roofs rushing streams of water. He thought no more of the shower spoiling the race course, but was rejoicing now that&#8212;thanks to the rain&#8212;he would be sure to find her at home and alone, as he knew that Alexey Alexandrovitch, who had lately returned from a foreign watering place, had not moved from Petersburg.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Hoping to find her alone, Vronsky alighted, as he always did, to avoid attracting attention, before crossing the bridge, and walked to the house. He did not go up the steps to the street door, but went into the court.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Has your master come?&#8221; he asked a gardener.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, sir. The mistress is at home. But will you please go to the front door; there are servants there,&#8221; the gardener answered. &#8220;They'll open the door.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I'll go in from the garden.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And feeling satisfied that she was alone, and wanting to take her by surprise, since he had not promised to be there today, and she would certainly not expect him to come before the races, he walked, holding his sword and stepping cautiously over the sandy path, bordered with flowers, to the terrace that looked out upon the garden. Vronsky forgot now all that he had thought on the way of the hardships and difficulties of their position. He thought of nothing but that he would see her directly, not in imagination, but living, all of her, as she was in reality. He was just going in, stepping on his whole foot so as not to creak, up the worn steps of the terrace, when he suddenly remembered what he always forgot, and what caused the most torturing side of his relations with her, her son with his questioning&#8212;hostile, as he fancied&#8212;eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This boy was more often than anyone else a check upon their freedom. When he was present, both Vronsky and Anna did not merely avoid speaking of anything that they could not have repeated before everyone; they did not even allow themselves to refer by hints to anything the boy did not understand. They had made no agreement about this, it had settled itself. They would have felt it wounding themselves to deceive the child. In his presence they talked like acquaintances. But in spite of this caution, Vronsky often saw the child's intent, bewildered glance fixed upon him, and a strange shyness, uncertainty, at one time friendliness, at another, coldness and reserve, in the boy's manner to him; as though the child felt that between this man and his mother there existed some important bond, the significance of which he could not understand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As a fact, the boy did feel that he could not understand this relation, and he tried painfully, and was not able to make clear to himself what feeling he ought to have for this man. With a child's keen instinct for every manifestation of feeling, he saw distinctly that his father, his governess, his nurse,&#8212;all did not merely dislike Vronsky, but looked on him with horror and aversion, though they never said anything about him, while his mother looked on him as her greatest friend.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What does it mean? Who is he? How ought I to love him? If I don't know, it's my fault; either I'm stupid or a naughty boy,&#8221; thought the child. And this was what caused his dubious, inquiring, sometimes hostile, expression, and the shyness and uncertainty which Vronsky found so irksome. This child's presence always and infallibly called up in Vronsky that strange feeling of inexplicable loathing which he had experienced of late. This child's presence called up both in Vronsky and in Anna a feeling akin to the feeling of a sailor who sees by the compass that the direction in which he is swiftly moving is far from the right one, but that to arrest his motion is not in his power, that every instant is carrying him further and further away, and that to admit to himself his deviation from the right direction is the same as admitting his certain ruin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This child, with his innocent outlook upon life, was the compass that showed them the point to which they had departed from what they knew, but did not want to know.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This time Seryozha was not at home, and she was completely alone. She was sitting on the terrace waiting for the return of her son, who had gone out for his walk and been caught in the rain. She had sent a manservant and a maid out to look for him. Dressed in a white gown, deeply embroidered, she was sitting in a corner of the terrace behind some flowers, and did not hear him. Bending her curly black head, she pressed her forehead against a cool watering pot that stood on the parapet, and both her lovely hands, with the rings he knew so well, clasped the pot. The beauty of her whole figure, her head, her neck, her hands, struck Vronsky every time as something new and unexpected. He stood still, gazing at her in ecstasy. But, directly he would have made a step to come nearer to her, she was aware of his presence, pushed away the watering pot, and turned her flushed face towards him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's the matter? You are ill?&#8221; he said to her in French, going up to her. He would have run to her, but remembering that there might be spectators, he looked round towards the balcony door, and reddened a little, as he always reddened, feeling that he had to be afraid and be on his guard.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I'm quite well,&#8221; she said, getting up and pressing his outstretched hand tightly. &#8220;I did not expect ... thee.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mercy! what cold hands!&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You startled me,&#8221; she said. &#8220;I'm alone, and expecting Seryozha; he's out for a walk; they'll come in from this side.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But, in spite of her efforts to be calm, her lips were quivering.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive me for coming, but I couldn't pass the day without seeing you,&#8221; he went on, speaking French, as he always did to avoid using the stiff Russian plural form, so impossibly frigid between them, and the dangerously intimate singular.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Forgive you? I'm so glad!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you're ill or worried,&#8221; he went on, not letting go her hands and bending over her. &#8220;What were you thinking of?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Always the same thing,&#8221; she said, with a smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She spoke the truth. If ever at any moment she had been asked what she was thinking of, she could have answered truly: of the same thing, of her happiness and her unhappiness. She was thinking, just when he came upon her, of this: why was it, she wondered, that to others, to Betsy (she knew of her secret connection with Tushkevitch) it was all easy, while to her it was such torture? Today this thought gained special poignancy from certain other considerations. She asked him about the races. He answered her questions, and, seeing that she was agitated, trying to calm her, he began telling her in the simplest tone the details of his preparations for the races.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell him or not tell him?&#8221; she thought, looking into his quiet, affectionate eyes. &#8220;He is so happy, so absorbed in his races that he won't understand as he ought, he won't understand all the gravity of this fact to us.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you haven't told me what you were thinking of when I came in,&#8221; he said, interrupting his narrative; &#8220;please tell me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She did not answer, and, bending her head a little, she looked inquiringly at him from under her brows, her eyes shining under their long lashes. Her hand shook as it played with a leaf she had picked. He saw it, and his face expressed that utter subjection, that slavish devotion, which had done so much to win her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I see something has happened. Do you suppose I can be at peace, knowing you have a trouble I am not sharing? Tell me, for God's sake,&#8221; he repeated imploringly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I shan't be able to forgive him if he does not realize all the gravity of it. Better not tell; why put him to the proof?&#8221; she thought, still staring at him in the same way, and feeling the hand that held the leaf was trembling more and more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For God's sake!&#8221; he repeated, taking her hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Shall I tell you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, yes....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm with child,&#8221; she said, softly and deliberately. The leaf in her hand shook more violently, but she did not take her eyes off him, watching how he would take it. He turned white, would have said something, but stopped; he dropped her hand, and his head sank on his breast. &#8220;Yes, he realizes all the gravity of it,&#8221; she thought, and gratefully she pressed his hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But she was mistaken in thinking he realized the gravity of the fact as she, a woman, realized it. On hearing it, he felt come upon him with tenfold intensity that strange feeling of loathing of someone. But at the same time, he felt that the turning-point he had been longing for had come now; that it was impossible to go on concealing things from her husband, and it was inevitable in one way or another that they should soon put an end to their unnatural position. But, besides that, her emotion physically affected him in the same way. He looked at her with a look of submissive tenderness, kissed her hand, got up, and, in silence, paced up and down the terrace.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; he said, going up to her resolutely. &#8220;Neither you nor I have looked on our relations as a passing amusement, and now our fate is sealed. It is absolutely necessary to put an end&#8221;&#8212;he looked round as he spoke&#8212;&#8220;to the deception in which we are living.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Put an end? How put an end, Alexey?&#8221; she said softly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She was calmer now, and her face lighted up with a tender smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Leave your husband and make our life one.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is one as it is,&#8221; she answered, scarcely audibly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but altogether; altogether.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But how, Alexey, tell me how?&#8221; she said in melancholy mockery at the hopelessness of her own position. &#8220;Is there any way out of such a position? Am I not the wife of my husband?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There is a way out of every position. We must take our line,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Anything's better than the position in which you're living. Of course, I see how you torture yourself over everything&#8212;the world and your son and your husband.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, not over my husband,&#8221; she said, with a quiet smile. &#8220;I don't know him, I don't think of him. He doesn't exist.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're not speaking sincerely. I know you. You worry about him too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, he doesn't even know,&#8221; she said, and suddenly a hot flush came over her face; her cheeks, her brow, her neck crimsoned, and tears of shame came into her eyes. &#8220;But we won't talk of him.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 23&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Vronsky had several times already, though not so resolutely as now, tried to bring her to consider their position, and every time he had been confronted by the same superficiality and triviality with which she met his appeal now. It was as though there were something in this which she could not or would not face, as though directly she began to speak of this, she, the real Anna, retreated somehow into herself, and another strange and unaccountable woman came out, whom he did not love, and whom he feared, and who was in opposition to him. But today he was resolved to have it out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Whether he knows or not,&#8221; said Vronsky, in his usual quiet and resolute tone, &#8220;that's nothing to do with us. We cannot ... you cannot stay like this, especially now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's to be done, according to you?&#8221; she asked with the same frivolous irony. She who had so feared he would take her condition too lightly was now vexed with him for deducing from it the necessity of taking some step.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell him everything, and leave him.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well, let us suppose I do that,&#8221; she said. &#8220;Do you know what the result of that would be? I can tell you it all beforehand,&#8221; and a wicked light gleamed in her eyes, that had been so soft a minute before. &#8220;&#8216;Eh, you love another man, and have entered into criminal intrigues with him?'&#8221; (Mimicking her husband, she threw an emphasis on the word &#8220;criminal,&#8221; as Alexey Alexandrovitch did.) &#8220;&#8216;I warned you of the results in the religious, the civil, and the domestic relation. You have not listened to me. Now I cannot let you disgrace my name,&#8212;'&#8221; &#8220;and my son,&#8221; she had meant to say, but about her son she could not jest,&#8212;&#8220;&#8216;disgrace my name, and'&#8212;and more in the same style,&#8221; she added. &#8220;In general terms, he'll say in his official manner, and with all distinctness and precision, that he cannot let me go, but will take all measures in his power to prevent scandal. And he will calmly and punctually act in accordance with his words. That's what will happen. He's not a man, but a machine, and a spiteful machine when he's angry,&#8221; she added, recalling Alexey Alexandrovitch as she spoke, with all the peculiarities of his figure and manner of speaking, and reckoning against him every defect she could find in him, softening nothing for the great wrong she herself was doing him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, Anna,&#8221; said Vronsky, in a soft and persuasive voice, trying to soothe her, &#8220;we absolutely must, anyway, tell him, and then be guided by the line he takes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What, run away?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And why not run away? I don't see how we can keep on like this. And not for my sake&#8212;I see that you suffer.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, run away, and become your mistress,&#8221; she said angrily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anna,&#8221; he said, with reproachful tenderness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; she went on, &#8220;become your mistress, and complete the ruin of....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Again she would have said &#8220;my son,&#8221; but she could not utter that word.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky could not understand how she, with her strong and truthful nature, could endure this state of deceit, and not long to get out of it. But he did not suspect that the chief cause of it was the word&#8212;son, which she could not bring herself to pronounce. When she thought of her son, and his future attitude to his mother, who had abandoned his father, she felt such terror at what she had done, that she could not face it; but, like a woman, could only try to comfort herself with lying assurances that everything would remain as it always had been, and that it was possible to forget the fearful question of how it would be with her son.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I beg you, I entreat you,&#8221; she said suddenly, taking his hand, and speaking in quite a different tone, sincere and tender, &#8220;never speak to me of that!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But, Anna....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never. Leave it to me. I know all the baseness, all the horror of my position; but it's not so easy to arrange as you think. And leave it to me, and do what I say. Never speak to me of it. Do you promise me?... No, no, promise!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I promise everything, but I can't be at peace, especially after what you have told me. I can't be at peace, when you can't be at peace....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I?&#8221; she repeated. &#8220;Yes, I am worried sometimes; but that will pass, if you will never talk about this. When you talk about it&#8212;it's only then it worries me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't understand,&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know,&#8221; she interrupted him, &#8220;how hard it is for your truthful nature to lie, and I grieve for you. I often think that you have ruined your whole life for me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I was just thinking the very same thing,&#8221; he said; &#8220;how could you sacrifice everything for my sake? I can't forgive myself that you're unhappy!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I unhappy?&#8221; she said, coming closer to him, and looking at him with an ecstatic smile of love. &#8220;I am like a hungry man who has been given food. He may be cold, and dressed in rags, and ashamed, but he is not unhappy. I unhappy? No, this is my unhappiness....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She could hear the sound of her son's voice coming towards them, and glancing swiftly round the terrace, she got up impulsively. Her eyes glowed with the fire he knew so well; with a rapid movement she raised her lovely hands, covered with rings, took his head, looked a long look into his face, and, putting up her face with smiling, parted lips, swiftly kissed his mouth and both eyes, and pushed him away. She would have gone, but he held her back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When?&#8221; he murmured in a whisper, gazing in ecstasy at her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tonight, at one o'clock,&#8221; she whispered, and, with a heavy sigh, she walked with her light, swift step to meet her son.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seryozha had been caught by the rain in the big garden, and he and his nurse had taken shelter in an arbor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, &lt;i&gt;au revoir&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; she said to Vronsky. &#8220;I must soon be getting ready for the races. Betsy promised to fetch me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky, looking at his watch, went away hurriedly.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 24&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When Vronsky looked at his watch on the Karenins' balcony, he was so greatly agitated and lost in his thoughts that he saw the figures on the watch's face, but could not take in what time it was. He came out on to the highroad and walked, picking his way carefully through the mud, to his carriage. He was so completely absorbed in his feeling for Anna, that he did not even think what o'clock it was, and whether he had time to go to Bryansky's. He had left him, as often happens, only the external faculty of memory, that points out each step one has to take, one after the other. He went up to his coachman, who was dozing on the box in the shadow, already lengthening, of a thick limetree; he admired the shifting clouds of midges circling over the hot horses, and, waking the coachman, he jumped into the carriage, and told him to drive to Bryansky's. It was only after driving nearly five miles that he had sufficiently recovered himself to look at his watch, and realize that it was half-past five, and he was late.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There were several races fixed for that day: the Mounted Guards' race, then the officers' mile-and-a-half race, then the three-mile race, and then the race for which he was entered. He could still be in time for his race, but if he went to Bryansky's he could only just be in time, and he would arrive when the whole of the court would be in their places. That would be a pity. But he had promised Bryansky to come, and so he decided to drive on, telling the coachman not to spare the horses.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He reached Bryansky's, spent five minutes there, and galloped back. This rapid drive calmed him. All that was painful in his relations with Anna, all the feeling of indefiniteness left by their conversation, had slipped out of his mind. He was thinking now with pleasure and excitement of the race, of his being anyhow, in time, and now and then the thought of the blissful interview awaiting him that night flashed across his imagination like a flaming light.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The excitement of the approaching race gained upon him as he drove further and further into the atmosphere of the races, overtaking carriages driving up from the summer villas or out of Petersburg.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At his quarters no one was left at home; all were at the races, and his valet was looking out for him at the gate. While he was changing his clothes, his valet told him that the second race had begun already, that a lot of gentlemen had been to ask for him, and a boy had twice run up from the stables. Dressing without hurry (he never hurried himself, and never lost his self-possession), Vronsky drove to the sheds. From the sheds he could see a perfect sea of carriages, and people on foot, soldiers surrounding the race course, and pavilions swarming with people. The second race was apparently going on, for just as he went into the sheds he heard a bell ringing. Going towards the stable, he met the white-legged chestnut, Mahotin's Gladiator, being led to the race-course in a blue forage horsecloth, with what looked like huge ears edged with blue.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where's Cord?&#8221; he asked the stable-boy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In the stable, putting on the saddle.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the open horse-box stood Frou-Frou, saddled ready. They were just going to lead her out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm not too late?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right! All right!&#8221; said the Englishman; &#8220;don't upset yourself!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky once more took in in one glance the exquisite lines of his favorite mare; who was quivering all over, and with an effort he tore himself from the sight of her, and went out of the stable. He went towards the pavilions at the most favorable moment for escaping attention. The mile-and-a-half race was just finishing, and all eyes were fixed on the horse-guard in front and the light hussar behind, urging their horses on with a last effort close to the winning post. From the center and outside of the ring all were crowding to the winning post, and a group of soldiers and officers of the horse-guards were shouting loudly their delight at the expected triumph of their officer and comrade. Vronsky moved into the middle of the crowd unnoticed, almost at the very moment when the bell rang at the finish of the race, and the tall, mudspattered horse-guard who came in first, bending over the saddle, let go the reins of his panting gray horse that looked dark with sweat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The horse, stiffening out its legs, with an effort stopped its rapid course, and the officer of the horse-guards looked round him like a man waking up from a heavy sleep, and just managed to smile. A crowd of friends and outsiders pressed round him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky intentionally avoided that select crowd of the upper world, which was moving and talking with discreet freedom before the pavilions. He knew that Madame Karenina was there, and Betsy, and his brother's wife, and he purposely did not go near them for fear of something distracting his attention. But he was continually met and stopped by acquaintances, who told him about the previous races, and kept asking him why he was so late.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the time when the racers had to go to the pavilion to receive the prizes, and all attention was directed to that point, Vronsky's elder brother, Alexander, a colonel with heavy fringed epaulets, came up to him. He was not tall, though as broadly built as Alexey, and handsomer and rosier than he; he had a red nose, and an open, drunken-looking face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did you get my note?&#8221; he said. &#8220;There's never any finding you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexander Vronsky, in spite of the dissolute life, and in especial the drunken habits, for which he was notorious, was quite one of the court circle.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now, as he talked to his brother of a matter bound to be exceedingly disagreeable to him, knowing that the eyes of many people might be fixed upon him, he kept a smiling countenance, as though he were jesting with his brother about something of little moment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I got it, and I really can't make out what &lt;i&gt;you&lt;/i&gt; are worrying yourself about,&#8221; said Alexey.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm worrying myself because the remark has just been made to me that you weren't here, and that you were seen in Peterhof on Monday.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There are matters which only concern those directly interested in them, and the matter you are so worried about is....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but if so, you may as well cut the service....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I beg you not to meddle, and that's all I have to say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Vronsky's frowning face turned white, and his prominent lower jaw quivered, which happened rarely with him. Being a man of very warm heart, he was seldom angry; but when he was angry, and when his chin quivered, then, as Alexander Vronsky knew, he was dangerous. Alexander Vronsky smiled gaily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I only wanted to give you Mother's letter. Answer it, and don't worry about anything just before the race. &lt;i&gt;Bonne chance&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; he added, smiling and he moved away from him. But after him another friendly greeting brought Vronsky to a standstill.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you won't recognize your friends! How are you, &lt;i&gt;mon cher&lt;/i&gt;?&#8221; said Stepan Arkadyevitch, as conspicuously brilliant in the midst of all the Petersburg brilliance as he was in Moscow, his face rosy, and his whiskers sleek and glossy. &#8220;I came up yesterday, and I'm delighted that I shall see your triumph. When shall we meet?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come tomorrow to the messroom,&#8221; said Vronsky, and squeezing him by the sleeve of his coat, with apologies, he moved away to the center of the race course, where the horses were being led for the great steeplechase.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The horses who had run in the last race were being led home, steaming and exhausted, by the stable-boys, and one after another the fresh horses for the coming race made their appearance, for the most part English racers, wearing horsecloths, and looking with their drawn-up bellies like strange, huge birds. On the right was led in Frou-Frou, lean and beautiful, lifting up her elastic, rather long pasterns, as though moved by springs. Not far from her they were taking the rug off the lop-eared Gladiator. The strong, exquisite, perfectly correct lines of the stallion, with his superb hind-quarters and excessively short pasterns almost over his hoofs, attracted Vronsky's attention in spite of himself. He would have gone up to his mare, but he was again detained by an acquaintance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, there's Karenin!&#8221; said the acquaintance with whom he was chatting. &#8220;He's looking for his wife, and she's in the middle of the pavilion. Didn't you see her?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; answered Vronsky, and without even glancing round towards the pavilion where his friend was pointing out Madame Karenina, he went up to his mare.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky had not had time to look at the saddle, about which he had to give some direction, when the competitors were summoned to the pavilion to receive their numbers and places in the row at starting. Seventeen officers, looking serious and severe, many with pale faces, met together in the pavilion and drew the numbers. Vronsky drew the number seven. The cry was heard: &#8220;Mount!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Feeling that with the others riding in the race, he was the center upon which all eyes were fastened, Vronsky walked up to his mare in that state of nervous tension in which he usually became deliberate and composed in his movements. Cord, in honor of the races, had put on his best clothes, a black coat buttoned up, a stiffly starched collar, which propped up his cheeks, a round black hat, and top boots. He was calm and dignified as ever, and was with his own hands holding Frou-Frou by both reins, standing straight in front of her. Frou-Frou was still trembling as though in a fever. Her eye, full of fire, glanced sideways at Vronsky. Vronsky slipped his finger under the saddle-girth. The mare glanced aslant at him, drew up her lip, and twitched her ear. The Englishman puckered up his lips, intending to indicate a smile that anyone should verify his saddling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Get up; you won't feel so excited.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky looked round for the last time at his rivals. He knew that he would not see them during the race. Two were already riding forward to the point from which they were to start. Galtsin, a friend of Vronsky's and one of his more formidable rivals, was moving round a bay horse that would not let him mount. A little light hussar in tight riding breeches rode off at a gallop, crouched up like a cat on the saddle, in imitation of English jockeys. Prince Kuzovlev sat with a white face on his thoroughbred mare from the Grabovsky stud, while an English groom led her by the bridle. Vronsky and all his comrades knew Kuzovlev and his peculiarity of &#8220;weak nerves&#8221; and terrible vanity. They knew that he was afraid of everything, afraid of riding a spirited horse. But now, just because it was terrible, because people broke their necks, and there was a doctor standing at each obstacle, and an ambulance with a cross on it, and a sister of mercy, he had made up his mind to take part in the race. Their eyes met, and Vronsky gave him a friendly and encouraging nod. Only one he did not see, his chief rival, Mahotin on Gladiator.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't be in a hurry,&#8221; said Cord to Vronsky, &#8220;and remember one thing: don't hold her in at the fences, and don't urge her on; let her go as she likes.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All right, all right,&#8221; said Vronsky, taking the reins.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you can, lead the race; but don't lose heart till the last minute, even if you're behind.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Before the mare had time to move, Vronsky stepped with an agile, vigorous movement into the steel-toothed stirrup, and lightly and firmly seated himself on the creaking leather of the saddle. Getting his right foot in the stirrup, he smoothed the double reins, as he always did, between his fingers, and Cord let go.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As though she did not know which foot to put first, Frou-Frou started, dragging at the reins with her long neck, and as though she were on springs, shaking her rider from side to side. Cord quickened his step, following him. The excited mare, trying to shake off her rider first on one side and then the other, pulled at the reins, and Vronsky tried in vain with voice and hand to soothe her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were just reaching the dammed-up stream on their way to the starting point. Several of the riders were in front and several behind, when suddenly Vronsky heard the sound of a horse galloping in the mud behind him, and he was overtaken by Mahotin on his white-legged, lop-eared Gladiator. Mahotin smiled, showing his long teeth, but Vronsky looked angrily at him. He did not like him, and regarded him now as his most formidable rival. He was angry with him for galloping past and exciting his mare. Frou-Frou started into a gallop, her left foot forward, made two bounds, and fretting at the tightened reins, passed into a jolting trot, bumping her rider up and down. Cord, too, scowled, and followed Vronsky almost at a trot.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 25&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;There were seventeen officers in all riding in this race. The race course was a large three-mile ring of the form of an ellipse in front of the pavilion. On this course nine obstacles had been arranged: the stream, a big and solid barrier five feet high, just before the pavilion, a dry ditch, a ditch full of water, a precipitous slope, an Irish barricade (one of the most difficult obstacles, consisting of a mound fenced with brushwood, beyond which was a ditch out of sight for the horses, so that the horse had to clear both obstacles or might be killed); then two more ditches filled with water, and one dry one; and the end of the race was just facing the pavilion. But the race began not in the ring, but two hundred yards away from it, and in that part of the course was the first obstacle, a dammed-up stream, seven feet in breadth, which the racers could leap or wade through as they preferred.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Three times they were ranged ready to start, but each time some horse thrust itself out of line, and they had to begin again. The umpire who was starting them, Colonel Sestrin, was beginning to lose his temper, when at last for the fourth time he shouted &#8220;Away!&#8221; and the racers started.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Every eye, every opera-glass, was turned on the brightly colored group of riders at the moment they were in line to start.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They're off! They're starting!&#8221; was heard on all sides after the hush of expectation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And little groups and solitary figures among the public began running from place to place to get a better view. In the very first minute the close group of horsemen drew out, and it could be seen that they were approaching the stream in twos and threes and one behind another. To the spectators it seemed as though they had all started simultaneously, but to the racers there were seconds of difference that had great value to them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Frou-Frou, excited and over-nervous, had lost the first moment, and several horses had started before her, but before reaching the stream, Vronsky, who was holding in the mare with all his force as she tugged at the bridle, easily overtook three, and there were left in front of him Mahotin's chestnut Gladiator, whose hind-quarters were moving lightly and rhythmically up and down exactly in front of Vronsky, and in front of all, the dainty mare Diana bearing Kuzovlev more dead than alive.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For the first instant Vronsky was not master either of himself or his mare. Up to the first obstacle, the stream, he could not guide the motions of his mare.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gladiator and Diana came up to it together and almost at the same instant; simultaneously they rose above the stream and flew across to the other side; Frou-Frou darted after them, as if flying; but at the very moment when Vronsky felt himself in the air, he suddenly saw almost under his mare's hoofs Kuzovlev, who was floundering with Diana on the further side of the stream. (Kuzovlev had let go the reins as he took the leap, and the mare had sent him flying over her head.) Those details Vronsky learned later; at the moment all he saw was that just under him, where Frou-Frou must alight, Diana's legs or head might be in the way. But Frou-Frou drew up her legs and back in the very act of leaping, like a falling cat, and, clearing the other mare, alighted beyond her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;O the darling!&#8221; thought Vronsky.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After crossing the stream Vronsky had complete control of his mare, and began holding her in, intending to cross the great barrier behind Mahotin, and to try to overtake him in the clear ground of about five hundred yards that followed it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The great barrier stood just in front of the imperial pavilion. The Tsar and the whole court and crowds of people were all gazing at them&#8212;at him, and Mahotin a length ahead of him, as they drew near the &#8220;devil,&#8221; as the solid barrier was called. Vronsky was aware of those eyes fastened upon him from all sides, but he saw nothing except the ears and neck of his own mare, the ground racing to meet him, and the back and white legs of Gladiator beating time swiftly before him, and keeping always the same distance ahead. Gladiator rose, with no sound of knocking against anything. With a wave of his short tail he disappeared from Vronsky's sight.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bravo!&#8221; cried a voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the same instant, under Vronsky's eyes, right before him flashed the palings of the barrier. Without the slightest change in her action his mare flew over it; the palings vanished, and he heard only a crash behind him. The mare, excited by Gladiator's keeping ahead, had risen too soon before the barrier, and grazed it with her hind hoofs. But her pace never changed, and Vronsky, feeling a spatter of mud in his face, realized that he was once more the same distance from Gladiator. Once more he perceived in front of him the same back and short tail, and again the same swiftly moving white legs that got no further away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the very moment when Vronsky thought that now was the time to overtake Mahotin, Frou-Frou herself, understanding his thoughts, without any incitement on his part, gained ground considerably, and began getting alongside of Mahotin on the most favorable side, close to the inner cord. Mahotin would not let her pass that side. Vronsky had hardly formed the thought that he could perhaps pass on the outer side, when Frou-Frou shifted her pace and began overtaking him on the other side. Frou-Frou's shoulder, beginning by now to be dark with sweat, was even with Gladiator's back. For a few lengths they moved evenly. But before the obstacle they were approaching, Vronsky began working at the reins, anxious to avoid having to take the outer circle, and swiftly passed Mahotin just upon the declivity. He caught a glimpse of his mud-stained face as he flashed by. He even fancied that he smiled. Vronsky passed Mahotin, but he was immediately aware of him close upon him, and he never ceased hearing the even-thudding hoofs and the rapid and still quite fresh breathing of Gladiator.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The next two obstacles, the water course and the barrier, were easily crossed, but Vronsky began to hear the snorting and thud of Gladiator closer upon him. He urged on his mare, and to his delight felt that she easily quickened her pace, and the thud of Gladiator's hoofs was again heard at the same distance away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Vronsky was at the head of the race, just as he wanted to be and as Cord had advised, and now he felt sure of being the winner. His excitement, his delight, and his tenderness for Frou-Frou grew keener and keener. He longed to look round again, but he did not dare do this, and tried to be cool and not to urge on his mare so to keep the same reserve of force in her as he felt that Gladiator still kept. There remained only one obstacle, the most difficult; if he could cross it ahead of the others he would come in first. He was flying towards the Irish barricade, Frou-Frou and he both together saw the barricade in the distance, and both the man and the mare had a moment's hesitation. He saw the uncertainty in the mare's ears and lifted the whip, but at the same time felt that his fears were groundless; the mare knew what was wanted. She quickened her pace and rose smoothly, just as he had fancied she would, and as she left the ground gave herself up to the force of her rush, which carried her far beyond the ditch; and with the same rhythm, without effort, with the same leg forward, Frou-Frou fell back into her pace again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bravo, Vronsky!&#8221; he heard shouts from a knot of men&#8212;he knew they were his friends in the regiment&#8212;who were standing at the obstacle. He could not fail to recognize Yashvin's voice though he did not see him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;O my sweet!&#8221; he said inwardly to Frou-Frou, as he listened for what was happening behind. &#8220;He's cleared it!&#8221; he thought, catching the thud of Gladiator's hoofs behind him. There remained only the last ditch, filled with water and five feet wide. Vronsky did not even look at it, but anxious to get in a long way first began sawing away at the reins, lifting the mare's head and letting it go in time with her paces. He felt that the mare was at her very last reserve of strength; not her neck and shoulders merely were wet, but the sweat was standing in drops on her mane, her head, her sharp ears, and her breath came in short, sharp gasps. But he knew that she had strength left more than enough for the remaining five hundred yards. It was only from feeling himself nearer the ground and from the peculiar smoothness of his motion that Vronsky knew how greatly the mare had quickened her pace. She flew over the ditch as though not noticing it. She flew over it like a bird; but at the same instant Vronsky, to his horror, felt that he had failed to keep up with the mare's pace, that he had, he did not know how, made a fearful, unpardonable mistake, in recovering his seat in the saddle. All at once his position had shifted and he knew that something awful had happened. He could not yet make out what had happened, when the white legs of a chestnut horse flashed by close to him, and Mahotin passed at a swift gallop. Vronsky was touching the ground with one foot, and his mare was sinking on that foot. He just had time to free his leg when she fell on one side, gasping painfully, and, making vain efforts to rise with her delicate, soaking neck, she fluttered on the ground at his feet like a shot bird. The clumsy movement made by Vronsky had broken her back. But that he only knew much later. At that moment he knew only that Mahotin had flown swiftly by, while he stood staggering alone on the muddy, motionless ground, and Frou-Frou lay gasping before him, bending her head back and gazing at him with her exquisite eyes. Still unable to realize what had happened, Vronsky tugged at his mare's reins. Again she struggled all over like a fish, and her shoulders setting the saddle heaving, she rose on her front legs but unable to lift her back, she quivered all over and again fell on her side. With a face hideous with passion, his lower jaw trembling, and his cheeks white, Vronsky kicked her with his heel in the stomach and again fell to tugging at the rein. She did not stir, but thrusting her nose into the ground, she simply gazed at her master with her speaking eyes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A&#8212;a&#8212;a!&#8221; groaned Vronsky, clutching at his head. &#8220;Ah! what have I done!&#8221; he cried. &#8220;The race lost! And my fault! shameful, unpardonable! And the poor darling, ruined mare! Ah! what have I done!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A crowd of men, a doctor and his assistant, the officers of his regiment, ran up to him. To his misery he felt that he was whole and unhurt. The mare had broken her back, and it was decided to shoot her. Vronsky could not answer questions, could not speak to anyone. He turned, and without picking up his cap that had fallen off, walked away from the race course, not knowing where he was going. He felt utterly wretched. For the first time in his life he knew the bitterest sort of misfortune, misfortune beyond remedy, and caused by his own fault.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yashvin overtook him with his cap, and led him home, and half an hour later Vronsky had regained his self-possession. But the memory of that race remained for long in his heart, the cruelest and bitterest memory of his life.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 26&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The external relations of Alexey Alexandrovitch and his wife had remained unchanged. The sole difference lay in the fact that he was more busily occupied than ever. As in former years, at the beginning of the spring he had gone to a foreign watering-place for the sake of his health, deranged by the winter's work that every year grew heavier. And just as always he returned in July and at once fell to work as usual with increased energy. As usual, too, his wife had moved for the summer to a villa out of town, while he remained in Petersburg. From the date of their conversation after the party at Princess Tverskaya's he had never spoken again to Anna of his suspicions and his jealousies, and that habitual tone of his bantering mimicry was the most convenient tone possible for his present attitude to his wife. He was a little colder to his wife. He simply seemed to be slightly displeased with her for that first midnight conversation, which she had repelled. In his attitude to her there was a shade of vexation, but nothing more. &#8220;You would not be open with me,&#8221; he seemed to say, mentally addressing her; &#8220;so much the worse for you. Now you may beg as you please, but I won't be open with you. So much the worse for you!&#8221; he said mentally, like a man who, after vainly attempting to extinguish a fire, should fly in a rage with his vain efforts and say, &#8220;Oh, very well then! you shall burn for this!&#8221; This man, so subtle and astute in official life, did not realize all the senselessness of such an attitude to his wife. He did not realize it, because it was too terrible to him to realize his actual position, and he shut down and locked and sealed up in his heart that secret place where lay hid his feelings towards his family, that is, his wife and son. He who had been such a careful father, had from the end of that winter become peculiarly frigid to his son, and adopted to him just the same bantering tone he used with his wife. &#8220;Aha, young man!&#8221; was the greeting with which he met him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch asserted and believed that he had never in any previous year had so much official business as that year. But he was not aware that he sought work for himself that year, that this was one of the means for keeping shut that secret place where lay hid his feelings towards his wife and son and his thoughts about them, which became more terrible the longer they lay there. If anyone had had the right to ask Alexey Alexandrovitch what he thought of his wife's behavior, the mild and peaceable Alexey Alexandrovitch would have made no answer, but he would have been greatly angered with any man who should question him on that subject. For this reason there positively came into Alexey Alexandrovitch's face a look of haughtiness and severity whenever anyone inquired after his wife's health. Alexey Alexandrovitch did not want to think at all about his wife's behavior, and he actually succeeded in not thinking about it at all.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch's permanent summer villa was in Peterhof, and the Countess Lidia Ivanovna used as a rule to spend the summer there, close to Anna, and constantly seeing her. That year Countess Lidia Ivanovna declined to settle in Peterhof, was not once at Anna Arkadyevna's, and in conversation with Alexey Alexandrovitch hinted at the unsuitability of Anna's close intimacy with Betsy and Vronsky. Alexey Alexandrovitch sternly cut her short, roundly declaring his wife to be above suspicion, and from that time began to avoid Countess Lidia Ivanovna. He did not want to see, and did not see, that many people in society cast dubious glances on his wife; he did not want to understand, and did not understand, why his wife had so particularly insisted on staying at Tsarskoe, where Betsy was staying, and not far from the camp of Vronsky's regiment. He did not allow himself to think about it, and he did not think about it; but all the same though he never admitted it to himself, and had no proofs, not even suspicious evidence, in the bottom of his heart he knew beyond all doubt that he was a deceived husband, and he was profoundly miserable about it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
How often during those eight years of happy life with his wife Alexey Alexandrovitch had looked at other men's faithless wives and other deceived husbands and asked himself: &#8220;How can people descend to that? how is it they don't put an end to such a hideous position?&#8221; But now, when the misfortune had come upon himself, he was so far from thinking of putting an end to the position that he would not recognize it at all, would not recognize it just because it was too awful, too unnatural.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Since his return from abroad Alexey Alexandrovitch had twice been at their country villa. Once he dined there, another time he spent the evening there with a party of friends, but he had not once stayed the night there, as it had been his habit to do in previous years.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The day of the races had been a very busy day for Alexey Alexandrovitch; but when mentally sketching out the day in the morning, he made up his mind to go to their country house to see his wife immediately after dinner, and from there to the races, which all the Court were to witness, and at which he was bound to be present. He was going to see his wife, because he had determined to see her once a week to keep up appearances. And besides, on that day, as it was the fifteenth, he had to give his wife some money for her expenses, according to their usual arrangement.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
With his habitual control over his thoughts, though he thought all this about his wife, he did not let his thoughts stray further in regard to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That morning was a very full one for Alexey Alexandrovitch. The evening before, Countess Lidia Ivanovna had sent him a pamphlet by a celebrated traveler in China, who was staying in Petersburg, and with it she enclosed a note begging him to see the traveler himself, as he was an extremely interesting person from various points of view, and likely to be useful. Alexey Alexandrovitch had not had time to read the pamphlet through in the evening, and finished it in the morning. Then people began arriving with petitions, and there came the reports, interviews, appointments, dismissals, apportionment of rewards, pensions, grants, notes, the workaday round, as Alexey Alexandrovitch called it, that always took up so much time. Then there was private business of his own, a visit from the doctor and the steward who managed his property. The steward did not take up much time. He simply gave Alexey Alexandrovitch the money he needed together with a brief statement of the position of his affairs, which was not altogether satisfactory, as it had happened that during that year, owing to increased expenses, more had been paid out than usual, and there was a deficit. But the doctor, a celebrated Petersburg doctor, who was an intimate acquaintance of Alexey Alexandrovitch, took up a great deal of time. Alexey Alexandrovitch had not expected him that day, and was surprised at his visit, and still more so when the doctor questioned him very carefully about his health, listened to his breathing, and tapped at his liver. Alexey Alexandrovitch did not know that his friend Lidia Ivanovna, noticing that he was not as well as usual that year, had begged the doctor to go and examine him. &#8220;Do this for my sake,&#8221; the Countess Lidia Ivanovna had said to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will do it for the sake of Russia, countess,&#8221; replied the doctor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A priceless man!&#8221; said the Countess Lidia Ivanovna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The doctor was extremely dissatisfied with Alexey Alexandrovitch. He found the liver considerably enlarged, and the digestive powers weakened, while the course of mineral waters had been quite without effect. He prescribed more physical exercise as far as possible, and as far as possible less mental strain, and above all no worry&#8212;in other words, just what was as much out of Alexey Alexandrovitch's power as abstaining from breathing. Then he withdrew, leaving in Alexey Alexandrovitch an unpleasant sense that something was wrong with him, and that there was no chance of curing it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As he was coming away, the doctor chanced to meet on the staircase an acquaintance of his, Sludin, who was secretary of Alexey Alexandrovitch's department. They had been comrades at the university, and though they rarely met, they thought highly of each other and were excellent friends, and so there was no one to whom the doctor would have given his opinion of a patient so freely as to Sludin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How glad I am you've been seeing him!&#8221; said Sludin. &#8220;He's not well, and I fancy.... Well, what do you think of him?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll tell you,&#8221; said the doctor, beckoning over Sludin's head to his coachman to bring the carriage round. &#8220;It's just this,&#8221; said the doctor, taking a finger of his kid glove in his white hands and pulling it, &#8220;if you don't strain the strings, and then try to break them, you'll find it a difficult job; but strain a string to its very utmost, and the mere weight of one finger on the strained string will snap it. And with his close assiduity, his conscientious devotion to his work, he's strained to the utmost; and there's some outside burden weighing on him, and not a light one,&#8221; concluded the doctor, raising his eyebrows significantly. &#8220;Will you be at the races?&#8221; he added, as he sank into his seat in the carriage.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes, to be sure; it does waste a lot of time,&#8221; the doctor responded vaguely to some reply of Sludin's he had not caught.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Directly after the doctor, who had taken up so much time, came the celebrated traveler, and Alexey Alexandrovitch, by means of the pamphlet he had only just finished reading and his previous acquaintance with the subject, impressed the traveler by the depth of his knowledge of the subject and the breadth and enlightenment of his view of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the same time as the traveler there was announced a provincial marshal of nobility on a visit to Petersburg, with whom Alexey Alexandrovitch had to have some conversation. After his departure, he had to finish the daily routine of business with his secretary, and then he still had to drive round to call on a certain great personage on a matter of grave and serious import. Alexey Alexandrovitch only just managed to be back by five o'clock, his dinner-hour, and after dining with his secretary, he invited him to drive with him to his country villa and to the races.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though he did not acknowledge it to himself, Alexey Alexandrovitch always tried nowadays to secure the presence of a third person in his interviews with his wife.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 27&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Anna was upstairs, standing before the looking-glass, and, with Annushka's assistance, pinning the last ribbon on her gown when she heard carriage wheels crunching the gravel at the entrance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's too early for Betsy,&#8221; she thought, and glancing out of the window she caught sight of the carriage and the black hat of Alexey Alexandrovitch, and the ears that she knew so well sticking up each side of it. &#8220;How unlucky! Can he be going to stay the night?&#8221; she wondered, and the thought of all that might come of such a chance struck her as so awful and terrible that, without dwelling on it for a moment, she went down to meet him with a bright and radiant face; and conscious of the presence of that spirit of falsehood and deceit in herself that she had come to know of late, she abandoned herself to that spirit and began talking, hardly knowing what she was saying.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, how nice of you!&#8221; she said, giving her husband her hand, and greeting Sludin, who was like one of the family, with a smile. &#8220;You're staying the night, I hope?&#8221; was the first word the spirit of falsehood prompted her to utter; &#8220;and now we'll go together. Only it's a pity I've promised Betsy. She's coming for me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch knit his brows at Betsy's name.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I'm not going to separate the inseparables,&#8221; he said in his usual bantering tone. &#8220;I'm going with Mihail Vassilievitch. I'm ordered exercise by the doctors too. I'll walk, and fancy myself at the springs again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's no hurry,&#8221; said Anna. &#8220;Would you like tea?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She rang.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Bring in tea, and tell Seryozha that Alexey Alexandrovitch is here. Well, tell me, how have you been? Mihail Vassilievitch, you've not been to see me before. Look how lovely it is out on the terrace,&#8221; she said, turning first to one and then to the other.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She spoke very simply and naturally, but too much and too fast. She was the more aware of this from noticing in the inquisitive look Mihail Vassilievitch turned on her that he was, as it were, keeping watch on her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Mihail Vassilievitch promptly went out on the terrace.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She sat down beside her husband.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't look quite well,&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; he said; &#8220;the doctor's been with me today and wasted an hour of my time. I feel that someone of our friends must have sent him: my health's so precious, it seems.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; what did he say?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She questioned him about his health and what he had been doing, and tried to persuade him to take a rest and come out to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All this she said brightly, rapidly, and with a peculiar brilliance in her eyes. But Alexey Alexandrovitch did not now attach any special significance to this tone of hers. He heard only her words and gave them only the direct sense they bore. And he answered simply, though jestingly. There was nothing remarkable in all this conversation, but never after could Anna recall this brief scene without an agonizing pang of shame.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seryozha came in preceded by his governess. If Alexey Alexandrovitch had allowed himself to observe he would have noticed the timid and bewildered eyes with which Seryozha glanced first at his father and then at his mother. But he would not see anything, and he did not see it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, the young man! He's grown. Really, he's getting quite a man. How are you, young man?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he gave his hand to the scared child. Seryozha had been shy of his father before, and now, ever since Alexey Alexandrovitch had taken to calling him young man, and since that insoluble question had occurred to him whether Vronsky were a friend or a foe, he avoided his father. He looked round towards his mother as though seeking shelter. It was only with his mother that he was at ease. Meanwhile, Alexey Alexandrovitch was holding his son by the shoulder while he was speaking to the governess, and Seryozha was so miserably uncomfortable that Anna saw he was on the point of tears.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna, who had flushed a little the instant her son came in, noticing that Seryozha was uncomfortable, got up hurriedly, took Alexey Alexandrovitch's hand from her son's shoulder, and kissing the boy, led him out onto the terrace, and quickly came back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's time to start, though,&#8221; said she, glancing at her watch. &#8220;How is it Betsy doesn't come?...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; said Alexey Alexandrovitch, and getting up, he folded his hands and cracked his fingers. &#8220;I've come to bring you some money, too, for nightingales, we know, can't live on fairy tales,&#8221; he said. &#8220;You want it, I expect?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I don't ... yes, I do,&#8221; she said, not looking at him, and crimsoning to the roots of her hair. &#8220;But you'll come back here after the races, I suppose?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, yes!&#8221; answered Alexey Alexandrovitch. &#8220;And here's the glory of Peterhof, Princess Tverskaya,&#8221; he added, looking out of the window at the elegant English carriage with the tiny seats placed extremely high. &#8220;What elegance! Charming! Well, let us be starting too, then.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Princess Tverskaya did not get out of her carriage, but her groom, in high boots, a cape, and black hat, darted out at the entrance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm going; good-bye!&#8221; said Anna, and kissing her son, she went up to Alexey Alexandrovitch and held out her hand to him. &#8220;It was ever so nice of you to come.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch kissed her hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, &lt;i&gt;au revoir&lt;/i&gt;, then! You'll come back for some tea; that's delightful!&#8221; she said, and went out, gay and radiant. But as soon as she no longer saw him, she was aware of the spot on her hand that his lips had touched, and she shuddered with repulsion.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 28&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When Alexey Alexandrovitch reached the race-course, Anna was already sitting in the pavilion beside Betsy, in that pavilion where all the highest society had gathered. She caught sight of her husband in the distance. Two men, her husband and her lover, were the two centers of her existence, and unaided by her external senses she was aware of their nearness. She was aware of her husband approaching a long way off, and she could not help following him in the surging crowd in the midst of which he was moving. She watched his progress towards the pavilion, saw him now responding condescendingly to an ingratiating bow, now exchanging friendly, nonchalant greetings with his equals, now assiduously trying to catch the eye of some great one of this world, and taking off his big round hat that squeezed the tips of his ears. All these ways of his she knew, and all were hateful to her. &#8220;Nothing but ambition, nothing but the desire to get on, that's all there is in his soul,&#8221; she thought; &#8220;as for these lofty ideals, love of culture, religion, they are only so many tools for getting on.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
From his glances towards the ladies' pavilion (he was staring straight at her, but did not distinguish his wife in the sea of muslin, ribbons, feathers, parasols and flowers) she saw that he was looking for her, but she purposely avoided noticing him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Alexey Alexandrovitch!&#8221; Princess Betsy called to him; &#8220;I'm sure you don't see your wife: here she is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He smiled his chilly smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There's so much splendor here that one's eyes are dazzled,&#8221; he said, and he went into the pavilion. He smiled to his wife as a man should smile on meeting his wife after only just parting from her, and greeted the princess and other acquaintances, giving to each what was due&#8212;that is to say, jesting with the ladies and dealing out friendly greetings among the men. Below, near the pavilion, was standing an adjutant-general of whom Alexey Alexandrovitch had a high opinion, noted for his intelligence and culture. Alexey Alexandrovitch entered into conversation with him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was an interval between the races, and so nothing hindered conversation. The adjutant-general expressed his disapproval of races. Alexey Alexandrovitch replied defending them. Anna heard his high, measured tones, not losing one word, and every word struck her as false, and stabbed her ears with pain.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When the three-mile steeplechase was beginning, she bent forward and gazed with fixed eyes at Vronsky as he went up to his horse and mounted, and at the same time she heard that loathsome, never-ceasing voice of her husband. She was in an agony of terror for Vronsky, but a still greater agony was the never-ceasing, as it seemed to her, stream of her husband's shrill voice with its familiar intonations.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm a wicked woman, a lost woman,&#8221; she thought; &#8220;but I don't like lying, I can't endure falsehood, while as for &lt;i&gt;him&lt;/i&gt; (her husband) it's the breath of his life&#8212;falsehood. He knows all about it, he sees it all; what does he care if he can talk so calmly? If he were to kill me, if he were to kill Vronsky, I might respect him. No, all he wants is falsehood and propriety,&#8221; Anna said to herself, not considering exactly what it was she wanted of her husband, and how she would have liked to see him behave. She did not understand either that Alexey Alexandrovitch's peculiar loquacity that day, so exasperating to her, was merely the expression of his inward distress and uneasiness. As a child that has been hurt skips about, putting all his muscles into movement to drown the pain, in the same way Alexey Alexandrovitch needed mental exercise to drown the thoughts of his wife that in her presence and in Vronsky's, and with the continual iteration of his name, would force themselves on his attention. And it was as natural for him to talk well and cleverly, as it is natural for a child to skip about. He was saying:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Danger in the races of officers, of cavalry men, is an essential element in the race. If England can point to the most brilliant feats of cavalry in military history, it is simply owing to the fact that she has historically developed this force both in beasts and in men. Sport has, in my opinion, a great value, and as is always the case, we see nothing but what is most superficial.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not superficial,&#8221; said Princess Tverskaya. &#8220;One of the officers, they say, has broken two ribs.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch smiled his smile, which uncovered his teeth, but revealed nothing more.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We'll admit, princess, that that's not superficial,&#8221; he said, &#8220;but internal. But that's not the point,&#8221; and he turned again to the general with whom he was talking seriously; &#8220;we mustn't forget that those who are taking part in the race are military men, who have chosen that career, and one must allow that every calling has its disagreeable side. It forms an integral part of the duties of an officer. Low sports, such as prize-fighting or Spanish bull-fights, are a sign of barbarity. But specialized trials of skill are a sign of development.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I shan't come another time; it's too upsetting,&#8221; said Princess Betsy. &#8220;Isn't it, Anna?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It is upsetting, but one can't tear oneself away,&#8221; said another lady. &#8220;If I'd been a Roman woman I should never have missed a single circus.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna said nothing, and keeping her opera-glass up, gazed always at the same spot.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that moment a tall general walked through the pavilion. Breaking off what he was saying, Alexey Alexandrovitch got up hurriedly, though with dignity, and bowed low to the general.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're not racing?&#8221; the officer asked, chaffing him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My race is a harder one,&#8221; Alexey Alexandrovitch responded deferentially.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And though the answer meant nothing, the general looked as though he had heard a witty remark from a witty man, and fully relished &lt;i&gt;la pointe de la sauce&lt;/i&gt;.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There are two aspects,&#8221; Alexey Alexandrovitch resumed: &#8220;those who take part and those who look on; and love for such spectacles is an unmistakable proof of a low degree of development in the spectator, I admit, but....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Princess, bets!&#8221; sounded Stepan Arkadyevitch's voice from below, addressing Betsy. &#8220;Who's your favorite?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anna and I are for Kuzovlev,&#8221; replied Betsy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm for Vronsky. A pair of gloves?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Done!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But it is a pretty sight, isn't it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch paused while there was talking about him, but he began again directly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I admit that manly sports do not....&#8221; he was continuing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But at that moment the racers started, and all conversation ceased. Alexey Alexandrovitch too was silent, and everyone stood up and turned towards the stream. Alexey Alexandrovitch took no interest in the race, and so he did not watch the racers, but fell listlessly to scanning the spectators with his weary eyes. His eyes rested upon Anna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her face was white and set. She was obviously seeing nothing and no one but one man. Her hand had convulsively clutched her fan, and she held her breath. He looked at her and hastily turned away, scrutinizing other faces.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But here's this lady too, and others very much moved as well; it's very natural,&#8221; Alexey Alexandrovitch told himself. He tried not to look at her, but unconsciously his eyes were drawn to her. He examined that face again, trying not to read what was so plainly written on it, and against his own will, with horror read on it what he did not want to know.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The first fall&#8212;Kuzovlev's, at the stream&#8212;agitated everyone, but Alexey Alexandrovitch saw distinctly on Anna's pale, triumphant face that the man she was watching had not fallen. When, after Mahotin and Vronsky had cleared the worst barrier, the next officer had been thrown straight on his head at it and fatally injured, and a shudder of horror passed over the whole public, Alexey Alexandrovitch saw that Anna did not even notice it, and had some difficulty in realizing what they were talking of about her. But more and more often, and with greater persistence, he watched her. Anna, wholly engrossed as she was with the race, became aware of her husband's cold eyes fixed upon her from one side.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She glanced round for an instant, looked inquiringly at him, and with a slight frown turned away again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, I don't care!&#8221; she seemed to say to him, and she did not once glance at him again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The race was an unlucky one, and of the seventeen officers who rode in it more than half were thrown and hurt. Towards the end of the race everyone was in a state of agitation, which was intensified by the fact that the Tsar was displeased.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 29&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Everyone was loudly expressing disapprobation, everyone was repeating a phrase someone had uttered&#8212;&#8220;The lions and gladiators will be the next thing,&#8221; and everyone was feeling horrified; so that when Vronsky fell to the ground, and Anna moaned aloud, there was nothing very out of the way in it. But afterwards a change came over Anna's face which really was beyond decorum. She utterly lost her head. She began fluttering like a caged bird, at one moment would have got up and moved away, at the next turned to Betsy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let us go, let us go!&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Betsy did not hear her. She was bending down, talking to a general who had come up to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Alexey Alexandrovitch went up to Anna and courteously offered her his arm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let us go, if you like,&#8221; he said in French, but Anna was listening to the general and did not notice her husband.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's broken his leg too, so they say,&#8221; the general was saying. &#8220;This is beyond everything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Without answering her husband, Anna lifted her opera-glass and gazed towards the place where Vronsky had fallen; but it was so far off, and there was such a crowd of people about it, that she could make out nothing. She laid down the opera-glass, and would have moved away, but at that moment an officer galloped up and made some announcement to the Tsar. Anna craned forward, listening.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Stiva! Stiva!&#8221; she cried to her brother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But her brother did not hear her. Again she would have moved away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Once more I offer you my arm if you want to be going,&#8221; said Alexey Alexandrovitch, reaching towards her hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She drew back from him with aversion, and without looking in his face answered:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, no, let me be, I'll stay.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She saw now that from the place of Vronsky's accident an officer was running across the course towards the pavilion. Betsy waved her handkerchief to him. The officer brought the news that the rider was not killed, but the horse had broken its back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On hearing this Anna sat down hurriedly, and hid her face in her fan. Alexey Alexandrovitch saw that she was weeping, and could not control her tears, nor even the sobs that were shaking her bosom. Alexey Alexandrovitch stood so as to screen her, giving her time to recover herself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;For the third time I offer you my arm,&#8221; he said to her after a little time, turning to her. Anna gazed at him and did not know what to say. Princess Betsy came to her rescue.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, Alexey Alexandrovitch; I brought Anna and I promised to take her home,&#8221; put in Betsy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me, princess,&#8221; he said, smiling courteously but looking her very firmly in the face, &#8220;but I see that Anna's not very well, and I wish her to come home with me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna looked about her in a frightened way, got up submissively, and laid her hand on her husband's arm.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll send to him and find out, and let you know,&#8221; Betsy whispered to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
As they left the pavilion, Alexey Alexandrovitch, as always, talked to those he met, and Anna had, as always, to talk and answer; but she was utterly beside herself, and moved hanging on her husband's arm as though in a dream.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is he killed or not? Is it true? Will he come or not? Shall I see him today?&#8221; she was thinking.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She took her seat in her husband's carriage in silence, and in silence drove out of the crowd of carriages. In spite of all he had seen, Alexey Alexandrovitch still did not allow himself to consider his wife's real condition. He merely saw the outward symptoms. He saw that she was behaving unbecomingly, and considered it his duty to tell her so. But it was very difficult for him not to say more, to tell her nothing but that. He opened his mouth to tell her she had behaved unbecomingly, but he could not help saying something utterly different.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What an inclination we all have, though, for these cruel spectacles,&#8221; he said. &#8220;I observe....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Eh? I don't understand,&#8221; said Anna contemptuously.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He was offended, and at once began to say what he had meant to say.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am obliged to tell you,&#8221; he began.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So now we are to have it out,&#8221; she thought, and she felt frightened.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am obliged to tell you that your behavior has been unbecoming today,&#8221; he said to her in French.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In what way has my behavior been unbecoming?&#8221; she said aloud, turning her head swiftly and looking him straight in the face, not with the bright expression that seemed covering something, but with a look of determination, under which she concealed with difficulty the dismay she was feeling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mind,&#8221; he said, pointing to the open window opposite the coachman.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He got up and pulled up the window.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What did you consider unbecoming?&#8221; she repeated.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The despair you were unable to conceal at the accident to one of the riders.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He waited for her to answer, but she was silent, looking straight before her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have already begged you so to conduct yourself in society that even malicious tongues can find nothing to say against you. There was a time when I spoke of your inward attitude, but I am not speaking of that now. Now I speak only of your external attitude. You have behaved improperly, and I would wish it not to occur again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She did not hear half of what he was saying; she felt panic-stricken before him, and was thinking whether it was true that Vronsky was not killed. Was it of him they were speaking when they said the rider was unhurt, but the horse had broken its back? She merely smiled with a pretense of irony when he finished, and made no reply, because she had not heard what he said. Alexey Alexandrovitch had begun to speak boldly, but as he realized plainly what he was speaking of, the dismay she was feeling infected him too. He saw the smile, and a strange misapprehension came over him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She is smiling at my suspicions. Yes, she will tell me directly what she told me before; that there is no foundation for my suspicions, that it's absurd.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that moment, when the revelation of everything was hanging over him, there was nothing he expected so much as that she would answer mockingly as before that his suspicions were absurd and utterly groundless. So terrible to him was what he knew that now he was ready to believe anything. But the expression of her face, scared and gloomy, did not now promise even deception.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Possibly I was mistaken,&#8221; said he. &#8220;If so, I beg your pardon.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you were not mistaken,&#8221; she said deliberately, looking desperately into his cold face. &#8220;You were not mistaken. I was, and I could not help being in despair. I hear you, but I am thinking of him. I love him, I am his mistress; I can't bear you; I'm afraid of you, and I hate you.... You can do what you like to me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And dropping back into the corner of the carriage, she broke into sobs, hiding her face in her hands. Alexey Alexandrovitch did not stir, and kept looking straight before him. But his whole face suddenly bore the solemn rigidity of the dead, and his expression did not change during the whole time of the drive home. On reaching the house he turned his head to her, still with the same expression.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well! But I expect a strict observance of the external forms of propriety till such time&#8221;&#8212;his voice shook&#8212;&#8220;as I may take measures to secure my honor and communicate them to you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He got out first and helped her to get out. Before the servants he pressed her hand, took his seat in the carriage, and drove back to Petersburg. Immediately afterwards a footman came from Princess Betsy and brought Anna a note.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I sent to Alexey to find out how he is, and he writes me he is quite well and unhurt, but in despair.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So &lt;i&gt;he&lt;/i&gt; will be here,&#8221; she thought. &#8220;What a good thing I told him all!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She glanced at her watch. She had still three hours to wait, and the memories of their last meeting set her blood in flame.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My God, how light it is! It's dreadful, but I do love to see his face, and I do love this fantastic light.... My husband! Oh! yes.... Well, thank God! everything's over with him.&#8221;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 30&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In the little German watering-place to which the Shtcherbatskys had betaken themselves, as in all places indeed where people are gathered together, the usual process, as it were, of the crystallization of society went on, assigning to each member of that society a definite and unalterable place. Just as the particle of water in frost, definitely and unalterably, takes the special form of the crystal of snow, so each new person that arrived at the springs was at once placed in his special place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&lt;i&gt;F&#252;rst&lt;/i&gt; Shtcherbatsky, &lt;i&gt;sammt Gemahlin und Tochter&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb8&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;sammt Gemahlin und Tochter &#8211; together with wife and daughter&#034; id=&#034;nh8&#034;&gt;8&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;, by the apartments they took, and from their name and from the friends they made, were immediately crystallized into a definite place marked out for them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
There was visiting the watering-place that year a real German F&#252;rstin, in consequence of which the crystallizing process went on more vigorously than ever. Princess Shtcherbatskaya wished, above everything, to present her daughter to this German princess, and the day after their arrival she duly performed this rite. Kitty made a low and graceful curtsey in the &lt;i&gt;very simple&lt;/i&gt;, that is to say, very elegant frock that had been ordered her from Paris. The German princess said, &#8220;I hope the roses will soon come back to this pretty little face,&#8221; and for the Shtcherbatskys certain definite lines of existence were at once laid down from which there was no departing. The Shtcherbatskys made the acquaintance too of the family of an English Lady Somebody, and of a German countess and her son, wounded in the last war, and of a learned Swede, and of M. Canut and his sister. But yet inevitably the Shtcherbatskys were thrown most into the society of a Moscow lady, Marya Yevgenyevna Rtishtcheva and her daughter, whom Kitty disliked, because she had fallen ill, like herself, over a love affair, and a Moscow colonel, whom Kitty had known from childhood, and always seen in uniform and epaulets, and who now, with his little eyes and his open neck and flowered cravat, was uncommonly ridiculous and tedious, because there was no getting rid of him. When all this was so firmly established, Kitty began to be very much bored, especially as the prince went away to Carlsbad and she was left alone with her mother. She took no interest in the people she knew, feeling that nothing fresh would come of them. Her chief mental interest in the watering-place consisted in watching and making theories about the people she did not know. It was characteristic of Kitty that she always imagined everything in people in the most favorable light possible, especially so in those she did not know. And now as she made surmises as to who people were, what were their relations to one another, and what they were like, Kitty endowed them with the most marvelous and noble characters, and found confirmation of her idea in her observations.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Of these people the one that attracted her most was a Russian girl who had come to the watering-place with an invalid Russian lady, Madame Stahl, as everyone called her. Madame Stahl belonged to the highest society, but she was so ill that she could not walk, and only on exceptionally fine days made her appearance at the springs in an invalid carriage. But it was not so much from ill-health as from pride&#8212;so Princess Shtcherbatskaya interpreted it&#8212;that Madame Stahl had not made the acquaintance of anyone among the Russians there. The Russian girl looked after Madame Stahl, and besides that, she was, as Kitty observed, on friendly terms with all the invalids who were seriously ill, and there were many of them at the springs, and looked after them in the most natural way. This Russian girl was not, as Kitty gathered, related to Madame Stahl, nor was she a paid attendant. Madame Stahl called her Varenka, and other people called her &#8220;Mademoiselle Varenka.&#8221; Apart from the interest Kitty took in this girl's relations with Madame Stahl and with other unknown persons, Kitty, as often happened, felt an inexplicable attraction to Mademoiselle Varenka, and was aware when their eyes met that she too liked her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Of Mademoiselle Varenka one would not say that she had passed her first youth, but she was, as it were, a creature without youth; she might have been taken for nineteen or for thirty. If her features were criticized separately, she was handsome rather than plain, in spite of the sickly hue of her face. She would have been a good figure, too, if it had not been for her extreme thinness and the size of her head, which was too large for her medium height. But she was not likely to be attractive to men. She was like a fine flower, already past its bloom and without fragrance, though the petals were still unwithered. Moreover, she would have been unattractive to men also from the lack of just what Kitty had too much of&#8212;of the suppressed fire of vitality, and the consciousness of her own attractiveness.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She always seemed absorbed in work about which there could be no doubt, and so it seemed she could not take interest in anything outside it. It was just this contrast with her own position that was for Kitty the great attraction of Mademoiselle Varenka. Kitty felt that in her, in her manner of life, she would find an example of what she was now so painfully seeking: interest in life, a dignity in life&#8212;apart from the worldly relations of girls with men, which so revolted Kitty, and appeared to her now as a shameful hawking about of goods in search of a purchaser. The more attentively Kitty watched her unknown friend, the more convinced she was this girl was the perfect creature she fancied her, and the more eagerly she wished to make her acquaintance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The two girls used to meet several times a day, and every time they met, Kitty's eyes said: &#8220;Who are you? What are you? Are you really the exquisite creature I imagine you to be? But for goodness' sake don't suppose,&#8221; her eyes added, &#8220;that I would force my acquaintance on you, I simply admire you and like you.&#8221; &#8220;I like you too, and you're very, very sweet. And I should like you better still, if I had time,&#8221; answered the eyes of the unknown girl. Kitty saw indeed, that she was always busy. Either she was taking the children of a Russian family home from the springs, or fetching a shawl for a sick lady, and wrapping her up in it, or trying to interest an irritable invalid, or selecting and buying cakes for tea for someone.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Soon after the arrival of the Shtcherbatskys there appeared in the morning crowd at the springs two persons who attracted universal and unfavorable attention. These were a tall man with a stooping figure, and huge hands, in an old coat too short for him, with black, simple, and yet terrible eyes, and a pockmarked, kind-looking woman, very badly and tastelessly dressed. Recognizing these persons as Russians, Kitty had already in her imagination begun constructing a delightful and touching romance about them. But the princess, having ascertained from the visitors' list that this was Nikolay Levin and Marya Nikolaevna, explained to Kitty what a bad man this Levin was, and all her fancies about these two people vanished. Not so much from what her mother told her, as from the fact that it was Konstantin's brother, this pair suddenly seemed to Kitty intensely unpleasant. This Levin, with his continual twitching of his head, aroused in her now an irrepressible feeling of disgust.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It seemed to her that his big, terrible eyes, which persistently pursued her, expressed a feeling of hatred and contempt, and she tried to avoid meeting him.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 31&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It was a wet day; it had been raining all the morning, and the invalids, with their parasols, had flocked into the arcades.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty was walking there with her mother and the Moscow colonel, smart and jaunty in his European coat, bought ready-made at Frankfort. They were walking on one side of the arcade, trying to avoid Levin, who was walking on the other side. Varenka, in her dark dress, in a black hat with a turn-down brim, was walking up and down the whole length of the arcade with a blind Frenchwoman, and, every time she met Kitty, they exchanged friendly glances.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma, couldn't I speak to her?&#8221; said Kitty, watching her unknown friend, and noticing that she was going up to the spring, and that they might come there together.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, if you want to so much, I'll find out about her first and make her acquaintance myself,&#8221; answered her mother. &#8220;What do you see in her out of the way? A companion, she must be. If you like, I'll make acquaintance with Madame Stahl; I used to know her &lt;i&gt;belle-s&#339;ur&lt;/i&gt;,&#8221; added the princess, lifting her head haughtily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty knew that the princess was offended that Madame Stahl had seemed to avoid making her acquaintance. Kitty did not insist.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How wonderfully sweet she is!&#8221; she said, gazing at Varenka just as she handed a glass to the Frenchwoman. &#8220;Look how natural and sweet it all is.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's so funny to see your &lt;i&gt;engouements&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb9&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;engouements &#8211; enthusiasms&#034; id=&#034;nh9&#034;&gt;9&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;,&#8221; said the princess. &#8220;No, we'd better go back,&#8221; she added, noticing Levin coming towards them with his companion and a German doctor, to whom he was talking very noisily and angrily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They turned to go back, when suddenly they heard, not noisy talk, but shouting. Levin, stopping short, was shouting at the doctor, and the doctor, too, was excited. A crowd gathered about them. The princess and Kitty beat a hasty retreat, while the colonel joined the crowd to find out what was the matter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
A few minutes later the colonel overtook them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What was it?&#8221; inquired the princess.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Scandalous and disgraceful!&#8221; answered the colonel. &#8220;The one thing to be dreaded is meeting Russians abroad. That tall gentleman was abusing the doctor, flinging all sorts of insults at him because he wasn't treating him quite as he liked, and he began waving his stick at him. It's simply a scandal!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, how unpleasant!&#8221; said the princess. &#8220;Well, and how did it end?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Luckily at that point that ... the one in the mushroom hat ... intervened. A Russian lady, I think she is,&#8221; said the colonel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mademoiselle Varenka?&#8221; asked Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, yes. She came to the rescue before anyone; she took the man by the arm and led him away.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;There, mamma,&#8221; said Kitty; &#8220;you wonder that I'm enthusiastic about her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The next day, as she watched her unknown friend, Kitty noticed that Mademoiselle Varenka was already on the same terms with Levin and his companion as with her other &lt;i&gt;prot&#233;g&#233;s&lt;/i&gt;. She went up to them, entered into conversation with them, and served as interpreter for the woman, who could not speak any foreign language.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty began to entreat her mother still more urgently to let her make friends with Varenka. And, disagreeable as it was to the princess to seem to take the first step in wishing to make the acquaintance of Madame Stahl, who thought fit to give herself airs, she made inquiries about Varenka, and, having ascertained particulars about her tending to prove that there could be no harm though little good in the acquaintance, she herself approached Varenka and made acquaintance with her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Choosing a time when her daughter had gone to the spring, while Varenka had stopped outside the baker's, the princess went up to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Allow me to make your acquaintance,&#8221; she said, with her dignified smile. &#8220;My daughter has lost her heart to you,&#8221; she said. &#8220;Possibly you do not know me. I am....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That feeling is more than reciprocal, princess,&#8221; Varenka answered hurriedly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What a good deed you did yesterday to our poor compatriot!&#8221; said the princess.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Varenka flushed a little. &#8220;I don't remember. I don't think I did anything,&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, you saved that Levin from disagreeable consequences.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, &lt;i&gt;sa compagne&lt;/i&gt; called me, and I tried to pacify him, he's very ill, and was dissatisfied with the doctor. I'm used to looking after such invalids.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I've heard you live at Mentone with your aunt&#8212;I think&#8212;Madame Stahl: I used to know her &lt;i&gt;belle-s&#339;ur&lt;/i&gt;.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, she's not my aunt. I call her mamma, but I am not related to her; I was brought up by her,&#8221; answered Varenka, flushing a little again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This was so simply said, and so sweet was the truthful and candid expression of her face, that the princess saw why Kitty had taken such a fancy to Varenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and what's this Levin going to do?&#8221; asked the princess.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's going away,&#8221; answered Varenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At that instant Kitty came up from the spring beaming with delight that her mother had become acquainted with her unknown friend.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, see, Kitty, your intense desire to make friends with Mademoiselle....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Varenka,&#8221; Varenka put in smiling, &#8220;that's what everyone calls me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty blushed with pleasure, and slowly, without speaking, pressed her new friend's hand, which did not respond to her pressure, but lay motionless in her hand. The hand did not respond to her pressure, but the face of Mademoiselle Varenka glowed with a soft, glad, though rather mournful smile, that showed large but handsome teeth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have long wished for this too,&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But you are so busy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, I'm not at all busy,&#8221; answered Varenka, but at that moment she had to leave her new friends because two little Russian girls, children of an invalid, ran up to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Varenka, mamma's calling!&#8221; they cried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Varenka went after them.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 32&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The particulars which the princess had learned in regard to Varenka's past and her relations with Madame Stahl were as follows:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Madame Stahl, of whom some people said that she had worried her husband out of his life, while others said it was he who had made her wretched by his immoral behavior, had always been a woman of weak health and enthusiastic temperament. When, after her separation from her husband, she gave birth to her only child, the child had died almost immediately, and the family of Madame Stahl, knowing her sensibility, and fearing the news would kill her, had substituted another child, a baby born the same night and in the same house in Petersburg, the daughter of the chief cook of the Imperial Household. This was Varenka. Madame Stahl learned later on that Varenka was not her own child, but she went on bringing her up, especially as very soon afterwards Varenka had not a relation of her own living. Madame Stahl had now been living more than ten years continuously abroad, in the south, never leaving her couch. And some people said that Madame Stahl had made her social position as a philanthropic, highly religious woman; other people said she really was at heart the highly ethical being, living for nothing but the good of her fellow creatures, which she represented herself to be. No one knew what her faith was&#8212;Catholic, Protestant, or Orthodox. But one fact was indubitable&#8212;she was in amicable relations with the highest dignitaries of all the churches and sects.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Varenka lived with her all the while abroad, and everyone who knew Madame Stahl knew and liked Mademoiselle Varenka, as everyone called her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Having learned all these facts, the princess found nothing to object to in her daughter's intimacy with Varenka, more especially as Varenka's breeding and education were of the best&#8212;she spoke French and English extremely well&#8212;and what was of the most weight, brought a message from Madame Stahl expressing her regret that she was prevented by her ill health from making the acquaintance of the princess.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After getting to know Varenka, Kitty became more and more fascinated by her friend, and every day she discovered new virtues in her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The princess, hearing that Varenka had a good voice, asked her to come and sing to them in the evening.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kitty plays, and we have a piano; not a good one, it's true, but you will give us so much pleasure,&#8221; said the princess with her affected smile, which Kitty disliked particularly just then, because she noticed that Varenka had no inclination to sing. Varenka came, however, in the evening and brought a roll of music with her. The princess had invited Marya Yevgenyevna and her daughter and the colonel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Varenka seemed quite unaffected by there being persons present she did not know, and she went directly to the piano. She could not accompany herself, but she could sing music at sight very well. Kitty, who played well, accompanied her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You have an extraordinary talent,&#8221; the princess said to her after Varenka had sung the first song extremely well.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Marya Yevgenyevna and her daughter expressed their thanks and admiration.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Look,&#8221; said the colonel, looking out of the window, &#8220;what an audience has collected to listen to you.&#8221; There actually was quite a considerable crowd under the windows.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I am very glad it gives you pleasure,&#8221; Varenka answered simply.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty looked with pride at her friend. She was enchanted by her talent, and her voice, and her face, but most of all by her manner, by the way Varenka obviously thought nothing of her singing and was quite unmoved by their praises. She seemed only to be asking: &#8220;Am I to sing again, or is that enough?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If it had been I,&#8221; thought Kitty, &#8220;how proud I should have been! How delighted I should have been to see that crowd under the windows! But she's utterly unmoved by it. Her only motive is to avoid refusing and to please mamma. What is there in her? What is it gives her the power to look down on everything, to be calm independently of everything? How I should like to know it and to learn it of her!&#8221; thought Kitty, gazing into her serene face. The princess asked Varenka to sing again, and Varenka sang another song, also smoothly, distinctly, and well, standing erect at the piano and beating time on it with her thin, dark-skinned hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The next song in the book was an Italian one. Kitty played the opening bars, and looked round at Varenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let's skip that,&#8221; said Varenka, flushing a little. Kitty let her eyes rest on Varenka's face, with a look of dismay and inquiry.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well, the next one,&#8221; she said hurriedly, turning over the pages, and at once feeling that there was something connected with the song.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No,&#8221; answered Varenka with a smile, laying her hand on the music, &#8220;no, let's have that one.&#8221; And she sang it just as quietly, as coolly, and as well as the others.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When she had finished, they all thanked her again, and went off to tea. Kitty and Varenka went out into the little garden that adjoined the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Am I right, that you have some reminiscences connected with that song?&#8221; said Kitty. &#8220;Don't tell me,&#8221; she added hastily, &#8220;only say if I'm right.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, why not? I'll tell you simply,&#8221; said Varenka, and, without waiting for a reply, she went on: &#8220;Yes, it brings up memories, once painful ones. I cared for someone once, and I used to sing him that song.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty with big, wide-open eyes gazed silently, sympathetically at Varenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I cared for him, and he cared for me; but his mother did not wish it, and he married another girl. He's living now not far from us, and I see him sometimes. You didn't think I had a love story too,&#8221; she said, and there was a faint gleam in her handsome face of that fire which Kitty felt must once have glowed all over her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I didn't think so? Why, if I were a man, I could never care for anyone else after knowing you. Only I can't understand how he could, to please his mother, forget you and make you unhappy; he had no heart.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, he's a very good man, and I'm not unhappy; quite the contrary, I'm very happy. Well, so we shan't be singing any more now,&#8221; she added, turning towards the house.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How good you are! how good you are!&#8221; cried Kitty, and stopping her, she kissed her. &#8220;If I could only be even a little like you!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why should you be like anyone? You're nice as you are,&#8221; said Varenka, smiling her gentle, weary smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I'm not nice at all. Come, tell me.... Stop a minute, let's sit down,&#8221; said Kitty, making her sit down again beside her. &#8220;Tell me, isn't it humiliating to think that a man has disdained your love, that he hasn't cared for it?...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But he didn't disdain it; I believe he cared for me, but he was a dutiful son....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but if it hadn't been on account of his mother, if it had been his own doing?...&#8221; said Kitty, feeling she was giving away her secret, and that her face, burning with the flush of shame, had betrayed her already.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;In that case he would have done wrong, and I should not have regretted him,&#8221; answered Varenka, evidently realizing that they were now talking not of her, but of Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But the humiliation,&#8221; said Kitty, &#8220;the humiliation one can never forget, can never forget,&#8221; she said, remembering her look at the last ball during the pause in the music.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where is the humiliation? Why, you did nothing wrong?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Worse than wrong&#8212;shameful.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Varenka shook her head and laid her hand on Kitty's hand.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, what is there shameful?&#8221; she said. &#8220;You didn't tell a man, who didn't care for you, that you loved him, did you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course not; I never said a word, but he knew it. No, no, there are looks, there are ways; I can't forget it, if I live a hundred years.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why so? I don't understand. The whole point is whether you love him now or not,&#8221; said Varenka, who called everything by its name.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I hate him; I can't forgive myself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, what for?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The shame, the humiliation!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh! if everyone were as sensitive as you are!&#8221; said Varenka. &#8220;There isn't a girl who hasn't been through the same. And it's all so unimportant.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, what is important?&#8221; said Kitty, looking into her face with inquisitive wonder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, there's so much that's important,&#8221; said Varenka, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, what?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, so much that's more important,&#8221; answered Varenka, not knowing what to say. But at that instant they heard the princess's voice from the window. &#8220;Kitty, it's cold! Either get a shawl, or come indoors.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It really is time to go in!&#8221; said Varenka, getting up. &#8220;I have to go on to Madame Berthe's; she asked me to.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty held her by the hand, and with passionate curiosity and entreaty her eyes asked her: &#8220;What is it, what is this of such importance that gives you such tranquillity? You know, tell me!&#8221; But Varenka did not even know what Kitty's eyes were asking her. She merely thought that she had to go to see Madame Berthe too that evening, and to make haste home in time for &lt;i&gt;maman&lt;/i&gt;'s tea at twelve o'clock. She went indoors, collected her music, and saying good-bye to everyone, was about to go.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Allow me to see you home,&#8221; said the colonel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, how can you go alone at night like this?&#8221; chimed in the princess. &#8220;Anyway, I'll send Parasha.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty saw that Varenka could hardly restrain a smile at the idea that she needed an escort.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I always go about alone and nothing ever happens to me,&#8221; she said, taking her hat. And kissing Kitty once more, without saying what was important, she stepped out courageously with the music under her arm and vanished into the twilight of the summer night, bearing away with her her secret of what was important and what gave her the calm and dignity so much to be envied.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 33&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Kitty made the acquaintance of Madame Stahl too, and this acquaintance, together with her friendship with Varenka, did not merely exercise a great influence on her, it also comforted her in her mental distress. She found this comfort through a completely new world being opened to her by means of this acquaintance, a world having nothing in common with her past, an exalted, noble world, from the height of which she could contemplate her past calmly. It was revealed to her that besides the instinctive life to which Kitty had given herself up hitherto there was a spiritual life. This life was disclosed in religion, but a religion having nothing in common with that one which Kitty had known from childhood, and which found expression in litanies and all-night services at the Widow's Home, where one might meet one's friends, and in learning by heart Slavonic texts with the priest. This was a lofty, mysterious religion connected with a whole series of noble thoughts and feelings, which one could do more than merely believe because one was told to, which one could love.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty found all this out not from words. Madame Stahl talked to Kitty as to a charming child that one looks on with pleasure as on the memory of one's youth, and only once she said in passing that in all human sorrows nothing gives comfort but love and faith, and that in the sight of Christ's compassion for us no sorrow is trifling&#8212;and immediately talked of other things. But in every gesture of Madame Stahl, in every word, in every heavenly&#8212;as Kitty called it&#8212;look, and above all in the whole story of her life, which she heard from Varenka, Kitty recognized that something &#8220;that was important,&#8221; of which, till then, she had known nothing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Yet, elevated as Madame Stahl's character was, touching as was her story, and exalted and moving as was her speech, Kitty could not help detecting in her some traits which perplexed her. She noticed that when questioning her about her family, Madame Stahl had smiled contemptuously, which was not in accord with Christian meekness. She noticed, too, that when she had found a Catholic priest with her, Madame Stahl had studiously kept her face in the shadow of the lamp-shade and had smiled in a peculiar way. Trivial as these two observations were, they perplexed her, and she had her doubts as to Madame Stahl. But on the other hand Varenka, alone in the world, without friends or relations, with a melancholy disappointment in the past, desiring nothing, regretting nothing, was just that perfection of which Kitty dared hardly dream. In Varenka she realized that one has but to forget oneself and love others, and one will be calm, happy, and noble. And that was what Kitty longed to be. Seeing now clearly what was &lt;i&gt;the most important&lt;/i&gt;, Kitty was not satisfied with being enthusiastic over it; she at once gave herself up with her whole soul to the new life that was opening to her. From Varenka's accounts of the doings of Madame Stahl and other people whom she mentioned, Kitty had already constructed the plan of her own future life. She would, like Madame Stahl's niece, Aline, of whom Varenka had talked to her a great deal, seek out those who were in trouble, wherever she might be living, help them as far as she could, give them the Gospel, read the Gospel to the sick, to criminals, to the dying. The idea of reading the Gospel to criminals, as Aline did, particularly fascinated Kitty. But all these were secret dreams, of which Kitty did not talk either to her mother or to Varenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
While awaiting the time for carrying out her plans on a large scale, however, Kitty, even then at the springs, where there were so many people ill and unhappy, readily found a chance for practicing her new principles in imitation of Varenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At first the princess noticed nothing but that Kitty was much under the influence of her &lt;i&gt;engouement&lt;/i&gt;, as she called it, for Madame Stahl, and still more for Varenka. She saw that Kitty did not merely imitate Varenka in her conduct, but unconsciously imitated her in her manner of walking, of talking, of blinking her eyes. But later on the princess noticed that, apart from this adoration, some kind of serious spiritual change was taking place in her daughter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The princess saw that in the evenings Kitty read a French testament that Madame Stahl had given her&#8212;a thing she had never done before; that she avoided society acquaintances and associated with the sick people who were under Varenka's protection, and especially one poor family, that of a sick painter, Petrov. Kitty was unmistakably proud of playing the part of a sister of mercy in that family. All this was well enough, and the princess had nothing to say against it, especially as Petrov's wife was a perfectly nice sort of woman, and that the German princess, noticing Kitty's devotion, praised her, calling her an angel of consolation. All this would have been very well, if there had been no exaggeration. But the princess saw that her daughter was rushing into extremes, and so indeed she told her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Il ne faut jamais rien outrer,&#8221; she said to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Her daughter made her no reply, only in her heart she thought that one could not talk about exaggeration where Christianity was concerned. What exaggeration could there be in the practice of a doctrine wherein one was bidden to turn the other cheek when one was smitten, and give one's cloak if one's coat were taken? But the princess disliked this exaggeration, and disliked even more the fact that she felt her daughter did not care to show her all her heart. Kitty did in fact conceal her new views and feelings from her mother. She concealed them not because she did not respect or did not love her mother, but simply because she was her mother. She would have revealed them to anyone sooner than to her mother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How is it Anna Pavlovna's not been to see us for so long?&#8221; the princess said one day of Madame Petrova. &#8220;I've asked her, but she seems put out about something.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I've not noticed it, maman,&#8221; said Kitty, flushing hotly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is it long since you went to see them?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We're meaning to make an expedition to the mountains tomorrow,&#8221; answered Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you can go,&#8221; answered the princess, gazing at her daughter's embarrassed face and trying to guess the cause of her embarrassment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
That day Varenka came to dinner and told them that Anna Pavlovna had changed her mind and given up the expedition for the morrow. And the princess noticed again that Kitty reddened.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kitty, haven't you had some misunderstanding with the Petrovs?&#8221; said the princess, when they were left alone. &#8220;Why has she given up sending the children and coming to see us?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty answered that nothing had happened between them, and that she could not tell why Anna Pavlovna seemed displeased with her. Kitty answered perfectly truly. She did not know the reason Anna Pavlovna had changed to her, but she guessed it. She guessed at something which she could not tell her mother, which she did not put into words to herself. It was one of those things which one knows but which one can never speak of even to oneself, so terrible and shameful would it be to be mistaken.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Again and again she went over in her memory all her relations with the family. She remembered the simple delight expressed on the round, good-humored face of Anna Pavlovna at their meetings; she remembered their secret confabulations about the invalid, their plots to draw him away from the work which was forbidden him, and to get him out-of-doors; the devotion of the youngest boy, who used to call her &#8220;my Kitty,&#8221; and would not go to bed without her. How nice it all was! Then she recalled the thin, terribly thin figure of Petrov, with his long neck, in his brown coat, his scant, curly hair, his questioning blue eyes that were so terrible to Kitty at first, and his painful attempts to seem hearty and lively in her presence. She recalled the efforts she had made at first to overcome the repugnance she felt for him, as for all consumptive people, and the pains it had cost her to think of things to say to him. She recalled the timid, softened look with which he gazed at her, and the strange feeling of compassion and awkwardness, and later of a sense of her own goodness, which she had felt at it. How nice it all was! But all that was at first. Now, a few days ago, everything was suddenly spoiled. Anna Pavlovna had met Kitty with affected cordiality, and had kept continual watch on her and on her husband.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Could that touching pleasure he showed when she came near be the cause of Anna Pavlovna's coolness?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; she mused, &#8220;there was something unnatural about Anna Pavlovna, and utterly unlike her good nature, when she said angrily the day before yesterday: &#8216;There, he will keep waiting for you; he wouldn't drink his coffee without you, though he's grown so dreadfully weak.'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, perhaps, too, she didn't like it when I gave him the rug. It was all so simple, but he took it so awkwardly, and was so long thanking me, that I felt awkward too. And then that portrait of me he did so well. And most of all that look of confusion and tenderness! Yes, yes, that's it!&#8221; Kitty repeated to herself with horror. &#8220;No, it can't be, it oughtn't to be! He's so much to be pitied!&#8221; she said to herself directly after.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
This doubt poisoned the charm of her new life.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 34&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Before the end of the course of drinking the waters, Prince Shtcherbatsky, who had gone on from Carlsbad to Baden and Kissingen to Russian friends&#8212;to get a breath of Russian air, as he said&#8212;came back to his wife and daughter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The views of the prince and of the princess on life abroad were completely opposed. The princess thought everything delightful, and in spite of her established position in Russian society, she tried abroad to be like a European fashionable lady, which she was not&#8212;for the simple reason that she was a typical Russian gentlewoman; and so she was affected, which did not altogether suit her. The prince, on the contrary, thought everything foreign detestable, got sick of European life, kept to his Russian habits, and purposely tried to show himself abroad less European than he was in reality.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prince returned thinner, with the skin hanging in loose bags on his cheeks, but in the most cheerful frame of mind. His good humor was even greater when he saw Kitty completely recovered. The news of Kitty's friendship with Madame Stahl and Varenka, and the reports the princess gave him of some kind of change she had noticed in Kitty, troubled the prince and aroused his habitual feeling of jealousy of everything that drew his daughter away from him, and a dread that his daughter might have got out of the reach of his influence into regions inaccessible to him. But these unpleasant matters were all drowned in the sea of kindliness and good humor which was always within him, and more so than ever since his course of Carlsbad waters.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The day after his arrival the prince, in his long overcoat, with his Russian wrinkles and baggy cheeks propped up by a starched collar, set off with his daughter to the spring in the greatest good humor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was a lovely morning: the bright, cheerful houses with their little gardens, the sight of the red-faced, red-armed, beer-drinking German waitresses, working away merrily, did the heart good. But the nearer they got to the springs the oftener they met sick people; and their appearance seemed more pitiable than ever among the everyday conditions of prosperous German life. Kitty was no longer struck by this contrast. The bright sun, the brilliant green of the foliage, the strains of the music were for her the natural setting of all these familiar faces, with their changes to greater emaciation or to convalescence, for which she watched. But to the prince the brightness and gaiety of the June morning, and the sound of the orchestra playing a gay waltz then in fashion, and above all, the appearance of the healthy attendants, seemed something unseemly and monstrous, in conjunction with these slowly moving, dying figures gathered together from all parts of Europe. In spite of his feeling of pride and, as it were, of the return of youth, with his favorite daughter on his arm, he felt awkward, and almost ashamed of his vigorous step and his sturdy, stout limbs. He felt almost like a man not dressed in a crowd.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Present me to your new friends,&#8221; he said to his daughter, squeezing her hand with his elbow. &#8220;I like even your horrid Soden for making you so well again. Only it's melancholy, very melancholy here. Who's that?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty mentioned the names of all the people they met, with some of whom she was acquainted and some not. At the entrance of the garden they met the blind lady, Madame Berthe, with her guide, and the prince was delighted to see the old Frenchwoman's face light up when she heard Kitty's voice. She at once began talking to him with French exaggerated politeness, applauding him for having such a delightful daughter, extolling Kitty to the skies before her face, and calling her a treasure, a pearl, and a consoling angel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, she's the second angel, then,&#8221; said the prince, smiling. &#8220;she calls Mademoiselle Varenka angel number one.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh! Mademoiselle Varenka, she's a real angel, allez,&#8221; Madame Berthe assented.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the arcade they met Varenka herself. She was walking rapidly towards them carrying an elegant red bag.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Here is papa come,&#8221; Kitty said to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Varenka made&#8212;simply and naturally as she did everything&#8212;a movement between a bow and a curtsey, and immediately began talking to the prince, without shyness, naturally, as she talked to everyone.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course I know you; I know you very well,&#8221; the prince said to her with a smile, in which Kitty detected with joy that her father liked her friend. &#8220;Where are you off to in such haste?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Maman's here,&#8221; she said, turning to Kitty. &#8220;She has not slept all night, and the doctor advised her to go out. I'm taking her her work.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So that's angel number one?&#8221; said the prince when Varenka had gone on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty saw that her father had meant to make fun of Varenka, but that he could not do it because he liked her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, so we shall see all your friends,&#8221; he went on, &#8220;even Madame Stahl, if she deigns to recognize me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, did you know her, papa?&#8221; Kitty asked apprehensively, catching the gleam of irony that kindled in the prince's eyes at the mention of Madame Stahl.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I used to know her husband, and her too a little, before she'd joined the Pietists.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is a Pietist, papa?&#8221; asked Kitty, dismayed to find that what she prized so highly in Madame Stahl had a name.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't quite know myself. I only know that she thanks God for everything, for every misfortune, and thanks God too that her husband died. And that's rather droll, as they didn't get on together.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Who's that? What a piteous face!&#8221; he asked, noticing a sick man of medium height sitting on a bench, wearing a brown overcoat and white trousers that fell in strange folds about his long, fleshless legs. This man lifted his straw hat, showed his scanty curly hair and high forehead, painfully reddened by the pressure of the hat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's Petrov, an artist,&#8221; answered Kitty, blushing. &#8220;And that's his wife,&#8221; she added, indicating Anna Pavlovna, who, as though on purpose, at the very instant they approached walked away after a child that had run off along a path.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Poor fellow! and what a nice face he has!&#8221; said the prince. &#8220;Why don't you go up to him? He wanted to speak to you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, let us go, then,&#8221; said Kitty, turning round resolutely. &#8220;How are you feeling today?&#8221; she asked Petrov.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Petrov got up, leaning on his stick, and looked shyly at the prince.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;This is my daughter,&#8221; said the prince. &#8220;Let me introduce myself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The painter bowed and smiled, showing his strangely dazzling white teeth.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We expected you yesterday, princess,&#8221; he said to Kitty. He staggered as he said this, and then repeated the motion, trying to make it seem as if it had been intentional.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I meant to come, but Varenka said that Anna Pavlovna sent word you were not going.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not going!&#8221; said Petrov, blushing, and immediately beginning to cough, and his eyes sought his wife. &#8220;Anita! Anita!&#8221; he said loudly, and the swollen veins stood out like cords on his thin white neck.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Anna Pavlovna came up.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you sent word to the princess that we weren't going!&#8221; he whispered to her angrily, losing his voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Good morning, princess,&#8221; said Anna Pavlovna, with an assumed smile utterly unlike her former manner. &#8220;Very glad to make your acquaintance,&#8221; she said to the prince. &#8220;You've long been expected, prince.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What did you send word to the princess that we weren't going for?&#8221; the artist whispered hoarsely once more, still more angrily, obviously exasperated that his voice failed him so that he could not give his words the expression he would have liked to.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, mercy on us! I thought we weren't going,&#8221; his wife answered crossly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What, when....&#8221; He coughed and waved his hand. The prince took off his hat and moved away with his daughter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah! ah!&#8221; he sighed deeply. &#8220;Oh, poor things!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, papa,&#8221; answered Kitty. &#8220;And you must know they've three children, no servant, and scarcely any means. He gets something from the Academy,&#8221; she went on briskly, trying to drown the distress that the queer change in Anna Pavlovna's manner to her had aroused in her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, here's Madame Stahl,&#8221; said Kitty, indicating an invalid carriage, where, propped on pillows, something in gray and blue was lying under a sunshade. This was Madame Stahl. Behind her stood the gloomy, healthy-looking German workman who pushed the carriage. Close by was standing a flaxen-headed Swedish count, whom Kitty knew by name. Several invalids were lingering near the low carriage, staring at the lady as though she were some curiosity.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The prince went up to her, and Kitty detected that disconcerting gleam of irony in his eyes. He went up to Madame Stahl, and addressed her with extreme courtesy and affability in that excellent French that so few speak nowadays.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know if you remember me, but I must recall myself to thank you for your kindness to my daughter,&#8221; he said, taking off his hat and not putting it on again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Prince Alexander Shtcherbatsky,&#8221; said Madame Stahl, lifting upon him her heavenly eyes, in which Kitty discerned a look of annoyance. &#8220;Delighted! I have taken a great fancy to your daughter.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are still in weak health?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; I'm used to it,&#8221; said Madame Stahl, and she introduced the prince to the Swedish count.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are scarcely changed at all,&#8221; the prince said to her. &#8220;It's ten or eleven years since I had the honor of seeing you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; God sends the cross and sends the strength to bear it. Often one wonders what is the goal of this life?... The other side!&#8221; she said angrily to Varenka, who had rearranged the rug over her feet not to her satisfaction.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To do good, probably,&#8221; said the prince with a twinkle in his eye.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That is not for us to judge,&#8221; said Madame Stahl, perceiving the shade of expression on the prince's face. &#8220;So you will send me that book, dear count? I'm very grateful to you,&#8221; she said to the young Swede.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah!&#8221; cried the prince, catching sight of the Moscow colonel standing near, and with a bow to Madame Stahl he walked away with his daughter and the Moscow colonel, who joined them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's our aristocracy, prince!&#8221; the Moscow colonel said with ironical intention. He cherished a grudge against Madame Stahl for not making his acquaintance.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's just the same,&#8221; replied the prince.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Did you know her before her illness, prince&#8212;that's to say before she took to her bed?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes. She took to her bed before my eyes,&#8221; said the prince.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They say it's ten years since she has stood on her feet.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She doesn't stand up because her legs are too short. She's a very bad figure.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Papa, it's not possible!&#8221; cried Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's what wicked tongues say, my darling. And your Varenka catches it too,&#8221; he added. &#8220;Oh, these invalid ladies!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no, papa!&#8221; Kitty objected warmly. &#8220;Varenka worships her. And then she does so much good! Ask anyone! Everyone knows her and Aline Stahl.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps so,&#8221; said the prince, squeezing her hand with his elbow; &#8220;but it's better when one does good so that you may ask everyone and no one knows.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty did not answer, not because she had nothing to say, but because she did not care to reveal her secret thoughts even to her father. But, strange to say, although she had so made up her mind not to be influenced by her father's views, not to let him into her inmost sanctuary, she felt that the heavenly image of Madame Stahl, which she had carried for a whole month in her heart, had vanished, never to return, just as the fantastic figure made up of some clothes thrown down at random vanishes when one sees that it is only some garment lying there. All that was left was a woman with short legs, who lay down because she had a bad figure, and worried patient Varenka for not arranging her rug to her liking. And by no effort of the imagination could Kitty bring back the former Madame Stahl.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 35&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The prince communicated his good humor to his own family and his friends, and even to the German landlord in whose rooms the Shtcherbatskys were staying.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On coming back with Kitty from the springs, the prince, who had asked the colonel, and Marya Yevgenyevna, and Varenka all to come and have coffee with them, gave orders for a table and chairs to be taken into the garden under the chestnut tree, and lunch to be laid there. The landlord and the servants, too, grew brisker under the influence of his good spirits. They knew his open-handedness; and half an hour later the invalid doctor from Hamburg, who lived on the top floor, looked enviously out of the window at the merry party of healthy Russians assembled under the chestnut tree. In the trembling circles of shadow cast by the leaves, at a table, covered with a white cloth, and set with coffeepot, bread-and-butter, cheese, and cold game, sat the princess in a high cap with lilac ribbons, distributing cups and bread-and-butter. At the other end sat the prince, eating heartily, and talking loudly and merrily. The prince had spread out near him his purchases, carved boxes, and knick-knacks, paper-knives of all sorts, of which he bought a heap at every watering-place, and bestowed them upon everyone, including Lieschen, the servant girl, and the landlord, with whom he jested in his comically bad German, assuring him that it was not the water had cured Kitty, but his splendid cookery, especially his plum soup. The princess laughed at her husband for his Russian ways, but she was more lively and good-humored than she had been all the while she had been at the waters. The colonel smiled, as he always did, at the prince's jokes, but as far as regards Europe, of which he believed himself to be making a careful study, he took the princess's side. The simple-hearted Marya Yevgenyevna simply roared with laughter at everything absurd the prince said, and his jokes made Varenka helpless with feeble but infectious laughter, which was something Kitty had never seen before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty was glad of all this, but she could not be light-hearted. She could not solve the problem her father had unconsciously set her by his good-humored view of her friends, and of the life that had so attracted her. To this doubt there was joined the change in her relations with the Petrovs, which had been so conspicuously and unpleasantly marked that morning. Everyone was good-humored, but Kitty could not feel good-humored, and this increased her distress. She felt a feeling such as she had known in childhood, when she had been shut in her room as a punishment, and had heard her sisters' merry laughter outside.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, but what did you buy this mass of things for?&#8221; said the princess, smiling, and handing her husband a cup of coffee.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;One goes for a walk, one looks in a shop, and they ask you to buy. &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Erlaucht, Durchlaucht?&lt;/i&gt;'&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb10&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Erlaucht, Durchlaucht? &#8211; Your Excellency, Your Serene Highness?&#034; id=&#034;nh10&#034;&gt;10&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; Directly they say &#8216;&lt;i&gt;Durchlaucht&lt;/i&gt;,' I can't hold out. I lose ten thalers.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's simply from boredom,&#8221; said the princess.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Of course it is. Such boredom, my dear, that one doesn't know what to do with oneself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How can you be bored, prince? There's so much that's interesting now in Germany,&#8221; said Marya Yevgenyevna.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I know everything that's interesting: the plum soup I know, and the pea sausages I know. I know everything.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you may say what you like, prince, there's the interest of their institutions,&#8221; said the colonel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But what is there interesting about it? They're all as pleased as brass halfpence. They've conquered everybody, and why am I to be pleased at that? I haven't conquered anyone; and I'm obliged to take off my own boots, yes, and put them away too; in the morning, get up and dress at once, and go to the dining-room to drink bad tea! How different it is at home! You get up in no haste, you get cross, grumble a little, and come round again. You've time to think things over, and no hurry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But time's money, you forget that,&#8221; said the colonel.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Time, indeed, that depends! Why, there's time one would give a month of for sixpence, and time you wouldn't give half an hour of for any money. Isn't that so, Katinka? What is it? why are you so depressed?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm not depressed.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where are you off to? Stay a little longer,&#8221; he said to Varenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must be going home,&#8221; said Varenka, getting up, and again she went off into a giggle. When she had recovered, she said good-bye, and went into the house to get her hat.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty followed her. Even Varenka struck her as different. She was not worse, but different from what she had fancied her before.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, dear! it's a long while since I've laughed so much!&#8221; said Varenka, gathering up her parasol and her bag. &#8220;How nice he is, your father!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty did not speak.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When shall I see you again?&#8221; asked Varenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mamma meant to go and see the Petrovs. Won't you be there?&#8221; said Kitty, to try Varenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes,&#8221; answered Varenka. &#8220;They're getting ready to go away, so I promised to help them pack.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I'll come too, then.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, why should you?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not? why not? why not?&#8221; said Kitty, opening her eyes wide, and clutching at Varenka's parasol, so as not to let her go. &#8220;No, wait a minute; why not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, nothing; your father has come, and besides, they will feel awkward at your helping.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, tell me why you don't want me to be often at the Petrovs'. You don't want me to&#8212;why not?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I didn't say that,&#8221; said Varenka quietly.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, please tell me!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Tell you everything?&#8221; asked Varenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Everything, everything!&#8221; Kitty assented.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, there's really nothing of any consequence; only that Mihail Alexeyevitch&#8221; (that was the artist's name) &#8220;had meant to leave earlier, and now he doesn't want to go away,&#8221; said Varenka, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, well!&#8221; Kitty urged impatiently, looking darkly at Varenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, and for some reason Anna Pavlovna told him that he didn't want to go because you are here. Of course, that was nonsense; but there was a dispute over it&#8212;over you. You know how irritable these sick people are.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty, scowling more than ever, kept silent, and Varenka went on speaking alone, trying to soften or soothe her, and seeing a storm coming&#8212;she did not know whether of tears or of words.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So you'd better not go.... You understand; you won't be offended?...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And it serves me right! And it serves me right!&#8221; Kitty cried quickly, snatching the parasol out of Varenka's hand, and looking past her friend's face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Varenka felt inclined to smile, looking at her childish fury, but she was afraid of wounding her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How does it serve you right? I don't understand,&#8221; she said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It serves me right, because it was all sham; because it was all done on purpose, and not from the heart. What business had I to interfere with outsiders? And so it's come about that I'm a cause of quarrel, and that I've done what nobody asked me to do. Because it was all a sham! a sham! a sham!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;A sham! with what object?&#8221; said Varenka gently.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, it's so idiotic! so hateful! There was no need whatever for me.... Nothing but sham!&#8221; she said, opening and shutting the parasol.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But with what object?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;To seem better to people, to myself, to God; to deceive everyone. No! now I won't descend to that. I'll be bad; but anyway not a liar, a cheat.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But who is a cheat?&#8221; said Varenka reproachfully. &#8220;You speak as if....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Kitty was in one of her gusts of fury, and she would not let her finish.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't talk about you, not about you at all. You're perfection. Yes, yes, I know you're all perfection; but what am I to do if I'm bad? This would never have been if I weren't bad. So let me be what I am. I won't be a sham. What have I to do with Anna Pavlovna? Let them go their way, and me go mine. I can't be different.... And yet it's not that, it's not that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What is not that?&#8221; asked Varenka in bewilderment.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Everything. I can't act except from the heart, and you act from principle. I liked you simply, but you most likely only wanted to save me, to improve me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are unjust,&#8221; said Varenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I'm not speaking of other people, I'm speaking of myself.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Kitty,&#8221; they heard her mother's voice, &#8220;come here, show papa your necklace.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Kitty, with a haughty air, without making peace with her friend, took the necklace in a little box from the table and went to her mother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What's the matter? Why are you so red?&#8221; her mother and father said to her with one voice.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Nothing,&#8221; she answered. &#8220;I'll be back directly,&#8221; and she ran back.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;She's still here,&#8221; she thought. &#8220;What am I to say to her? Oh, dear! what have I done, what have I said? Why was I rude to her? What am I to do? What am I to say to her?&#8221; thought Kitty, and she stopped in the doorway.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Varenka in her hat and with the parasol in her hands was sitting at the table examining the spring which Kitty had broken. She lifted her head.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Varenka, forgive me, do forgive me,&#8221; whispered Kitty, going up to her. &#8220;I don't remember what I said. I....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I really didn't mean to hurt you,&#8221; said Varenka, smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Peace was made. But with her father's coming all the world in which she had been living was transformed for Kitty. She did not give up everything she had learned, but she became aware that she had deceived herself in supposing she could be what she wanted to be. Her eyes were, it seemed, opened; she felt all the difficulty of maintaining herself without hypocrisy and self-conceit on the pinnacle to which she had wished to mount. Moreover, she became aware of all the dreariness of the world of sorrow, of sick and dying people, in which she had been living. The efforts she had made to like it seemed to her intolerable, and she felt a longing to get back quickly into the fresh air, to Russia, to Ergushovo, where, as she knew from letters, her sister Dolly had already gone with her children.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But her affection for Varenka did not wane. As she said good-bye, Kitty begged her to come to them in Russia.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll come when you get married,&#8221; said Varenka.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall never marry.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, then, I shall never come.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, then, I shall be married simply for that. Mind now, remember your promise,&#8221; said Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The doctor's prediction was fulfilled. Kitty returned home to Russia cured. She was not so gay and thoughtless as before, but she was serene. Her Moscow troubles had become a memory to her.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;hr class=&#034;spip&#034; /&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a id=&#034;PARTTHREE&#034;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;PART THREE&lt;/h2&gt;&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 1&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Sergey Ivanovitch Koznishev wanted a rest from mental work, and instead of going abroad as he usually did, he came towards the end of May to stay in the country with his brother. In his judgment the best sort of life was a country life. He had come now to enjoy such a life at his brother's. Konstantin Levin was very glad to have him, especially as he did not expect his brother Nikolay that summer. But in spite of his affection and respect for Sergey Ivanovitch, Konstantin Levin was uncomfortable with his brother in the country. It made him uncomfortable, and it positively annoyed him to see his brother's attitude to the country. To Konstantin Levin the country was the background of life, that is of pleasures, endeavors, labor. To Sergey Ivanovitch the country meant on one hand rest from work, on the other a valuable antidote to the corrupt influences of town, which he took with satisfaction and a sense of its utility. To Konstantin Levin the country was good first because it afforded a field for labor, of the usefulness of which there could be no doubt. To Sergey Ivanovitch the country was particularly good, because there it was possible and fitting to do nothing. Moreover, Sergey Ivanovitch's attitude to the peasants rather piqued Konstantin. Sergey Ivanovitch used to say that he knew and liked the peasantry, and he often talked to the peasants, which he knew how to do without affectation or condescension, and from every such conversation he would deduce general conclusions in favor of the peasantry and in confirmation of his knowing them. Konstantin Levin did not like such an attitude to the peasants. To Konstantin the peasant was simply the chief partner in their common labor, and in spite of all the respect and the love, almost like that of kinship, he had for the peasant&#8212;sucked in probably, as he said himself, with the milk of his peasant nurse&#8212;still as a fellow-worker with him, while sometimes enthusiastic over the vigor, gentleness, and justice of these men, he was very often, when their common labors called for other qualities, exasperated with the peasant for his carelessness, lack of method, drunkenness, and lying. If he had been asked whether he liked or didn't like the peasants, Konstantin Levin would have been absolutely at a loss what to reply. He liked and did not like the peasants, just as he liked and did not like men in general. Of course, being a good-hearted man, he liked men rather than he disliked them, and so too with the peasants. But like or dislike &#8220;the people&#8221; as something apart he could not, not only because he lived with &#8220;the people,&#8221; and all his interests were bound up with theirs, but also because he regarded himself as a part of &#8220;the people,&#8221; did not see any special qualities or failings distinguishing himself and &#8220;the people,&#8221; and could not contrast himself with them. Moreover, although he had lived so long in the closest relations with the peasants, as farmer and arbitrator, and what was more, as adviser (the peasants trusted him, and for thirty miles round they would come to ask his advice), he had no definite views of &#8220;the people,&#8221; and would have been as much at a loss to answer the question whether he knew &#8220;the people&#8221; as the question whether he liked them. For him to say he knew the peasantry would have been the same as to say he knew men. He was continually watching and getting to know people of all sorts, and among them peasants, whom he regarded as good and interesting people, and he was continually observing new points in them, altering his former views of them and forming new ones. With Sergey Ivanovitch it was quite the contrary. Just as he liked and praised a country life in comparison with the life he did not like, so too he liked the peasantry in contradistinction to the class of men he did not like, and so too he knew the peasantry as something distinct from and opposed to men generally. In his methodical brain there were distinctly formulated certain aspects of peasant life, deduced partly from that life itself, but chiefly from contrast with other modes of life. He never changed his opinion of the peasantry and his sympathetic attitude towards them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the discussions that arose between the brothers on their views of the peasantry, Sergey Ivanovitch always got the better of his brother, precisely because Sergey Ivanovitch had definite ideas about the peasant&#8212;his character, his qualities, and his tastes. Konstantin Levin had no definite and unalterable idea on the subject, and so in their arguments Konstantin was readily convicted of contradicting himself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In Sergey Ivanovitch's eyes his younger brother was a capital fellow, &lt;i&gt;with his heart in the right place&lt;/i&gt; (as he expressed it in French), but with a mind which, though fairly quick, was too much influenced by the impressions of the moment, and consequently filled with contradictions. With all the condescension of an elder brother he sometimes explained to him the true import of things, but he derived little satisfaction from arguing with him because he got the better of him too easily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Konstantin Levin regarded his brother as a man of immense intellect and culture, as generous in the highest sense of the word, and possessed of a special faculty for working for the public good. But in the depths of his heart, the older he became, and the more intimately he knew his brother, the more and more frequently the thought struck him that this faculty of working for the public good, of which he felt himself utterly devoid, was possibly not so much a quality as a lack of something&#8212;not a lack of good, honest, noble desires and tastes, but a lack of vital force, of what is called heart, of that impulse which drives a man to choose someone out of the innumerable paths of life, and to care only for that one. The better he knew his brother, the more he noticed that Sergey Ivanovitch, and many other people who worked for the public welfare, were not led by an impulse of the heart to care for the public good, but reasoned from intellectual considerations that it was a right thing to take interest in public affairs, and consequently took interest in them. Levin was confirmed in this generalization by observing that his brother did not take questions affecting the public welfare or the question of the immortality of the soul a bit more to heart than he did chess problems, or the ingenious construction of a new machine.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Besides this, Konstantin Levin was not at his ease with his brother, because in summer in the country Levin was continually busy with work on the land, and the long summer day was not long enough for him to get through all he had to do, while Sergey Ivanovitch was taking a holiday. But though he was taking a holiday now, that is to say, he was doing no writing, he was so used to intellectual activity that he liked to put into concise and eloquent shape the ideas that occurred to him, and liked to have someone to listen to him. His most usual and natural listener was his brother. And so in spite of the friendliness and directness of their relations, Konstantin felt an awkwardness in leaving him alone. Sergey Ivanovitch liked to stretch himself on the grass in the sun, and to lie so, basking and chatting lazily.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You wouldn't believe,&#8221; he would say to his brother, &#8220;what a pleasure this rural laziness is to me. Not an idea in one's brain, as empty as a drum!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Konstantin Levin found it dull sitting and listening to him, especially when he knew that while he was away they would be carting dung onto the fields not ploughed ready for it, and heaping it all up anyhow; and would not screw the shares in the ploughs, but would let them come off and then say that the new ploughs were a silly invention, and there was nothing like the old Andreevna plough, and so on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, you've done enough trudging about in the heat,&#8221; Sergey Ivanovitch would say to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I must just run round to the counting-house for a minute,&#8221; Levin would answer, and he would run off to the fields.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 2&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Early in June it happened that Agafea Mihalovna, the old nurse and housekeeper, in carrying to the cellar a jar of mushrooms she had just pickled, slipped, fell, and sprained her wrist. The district doctor, a talkative young medical student, who had just finished his studies, came to see her. He examined the wrist, said it was not broken, was delighted at a chance of talking to the celebrated Sergey Ivanovitch Koznishev, and to show his advanced views of things told him all the scandal of the district, complaining of the poor state into which the district council had fallen. Sergey Ivanovitch listened attentively, asked him questions, and, roused by a new listener, he talked fluently, uttered a few keen and weighty observations, respectfully appreciated by the young doctor, and was soon in that eager frame of mind his brother knew so well, which always, with him, followed a brilliant and eager conversation. After the departure of the doctor, he wanted to go with a fishing rod to the river. Sergey Ivanovitch was fond of angling, and was, it seemed, proud of being able to care for such a stupid occupation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Konstantin Levin, whose presence was needed in the plough land and meadows, had come to take his brother in the trap.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was that time of the year, the turning-point of summer, when the crops of the present year are a certainty, when one begins to think of the sowing for next year, and the mowing is at hand; when the rye is all in ear, though its ears are still light, not yet full, and it waves in gray-green billows in the wind; when the green oats, with tufts of yellow grass scattered here and there among it, droop irregularly over the late-sown fields; when the early buckwheat is already out and hiding the ground; when the fallow lands, trodden hard as stone by the cattle, are half ploughed over, with paths left untouched by the plough; when from the dry dung-heaps carted onto the fields there comes at sunset a smell of manure mixed with meadow-sweet, and on the low-lying lands the riverside meadows are a thick sea of grass waiting for the mowing, with blackened heaps of the stalks of sorrel among it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was the time when there comes a brief pause in the toil of the fields before the beginning of the labors of harvest&#8212;every year recurring, every year straining every nerve of the peasants. The crop was a splendid one, and bright, hot summer days had set in with short, dewy nights.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The brothers had to drive through the woods to reach the meadows. Sergey Ivanovitch was all the while admiring the beauty of the woods, which were a tangled mass of leaves, pointing out to his brother now an old lime tree on the point of flowering, dark on the shady side, and brightly spotted with yellow stipules, now the young shoots of this year's saplings brilliant with emerald. Konstantin Levin did not like talking and hearing about the beauty of nature. Words for him took away the beauty of what he saw. He assented to what his brother said, but he could not help beginning to think of other things. When they came out of the woods, all his attention was engrossed by the view of the fallow land on the upland, in parts yellow with grass, in parts trampled and checkered with furrows, in parts dotted with ridges of dung, and in parts even ploughed. A string of carts was moving across it. Levin counted the carts, and was pleased that all that were wanted had been brought, and at the sight of the meadows his thoughts passed to the mowing. He always felt something special moving him to the quick at the hay-making. On reaching the meadow Levin stopped the horse.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The morning dew was still lying on the thick undergrowth of the grass, and that he might not get his feet wet, Sergey Ivanovitch asked his brother to drive him in the trap up to the willow tree from which the carp was caught. Sorry as Konstantin Levin was to crush down his mowing grass, he drove him into the meadow. The high grass softly turned about the wheels and the horse's legs, leaving its seeds clinging to the wet axles and spokes of the wheels. His brother seated himself under a bush, arranging his tackle, while Levin led the horse away, fastened him up, and walked into the vast gray-green sea of grass unstirred by the wind. The silky grass with its ripe seeds came almost to his waist in the dampest spots.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Crossing the meadow, Konstantin Levin came out onto the road, and met an old man with a swollen eye, carrying a skep on his shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What? taken a stray swarm, Fomitch?&#8221; he asked.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, indeed, Konstantin Dmitrich! All we can do to keep our own! This is the second swarm that has flown away.... Luckily the lads caught them. They were ploughing your field. They unyoked the horses and galloped after them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what do you say, Fomitch&#8212;start mowing or wait a bit?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Eh, well. Our way's to wait till St. Peter's Day. But you always mow sooner. Well, to be sure, please God, the hay's good. There'll be plenty for the beasts.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you think about the weather?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's in God's hands. Maybe it will be fine.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin went up to his brother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sergey Ivanovitch had caught nothing, but he was not bored, and seemed in the most cheerful frame of mind. Levin saw that, stimulated by his conversation with the doctor, he wanted to talk. Levin, on the other hand, would have liked to get home as soon as possible to give orders about getting together the mowers for next day, and to set at rest his doubts about the mowing, which greatly absorbed him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, let's be going,&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why be in such a hurry? Let's stay a little. But how wet you are! Even though one catches nothing, it's nice. That's the best thing about every part of sport, that one has to do with nature. How exquisite this steely water is!&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch. &#8220;These riverside banks always remind me of the riddle&#8212;do you know it? &#8216;The grass says to the water: we quiver and we quiver.'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know the riddle,&#8221; answered Levin wearily.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 3&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Do you know, I've been thinking about you,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch. &#8220;It's beyond everything what's being done in the district, according to what this doctor tells me. He's a very intelligent fellow. And as I've told you before, I tell you again: it's not right for you not to go to the meetings, and altogether to keep out of the district business. If decent people won't go into it, of course it's bound to go all wrong. We pay the money, and it all goes in salaries, and there are no schools, nor district nurses, nor midwives, nor drugstores&#8212;nothing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, I did try, you know,&#8221; Levin said slowly and unwillingly. &#8220;I can't! and so there's no help for it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why can't you? I must own I can't make it out. Indifference, incapacity&#8212;I won't admit; surely it's not simply laziness?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;None of those things. I've tried, and I see I can do nothing,&#8221; said Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He had hardly grasped what his brother was saying. Looking towards the plough land across the river, he made out something black, but he could not distinguish whether it was a horse or the bailiff on horseback.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why is it you can do nothing? You made an attempt and didn't succeed, as you think, and you give in. How can you have so little self-respect?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Self-respect!&#8221; said Levin, stung to the quick by his brother's words; &#8220;I don't understand. If they'd told me at college that other people understood the integral calculus, and I didn't, then pride would have come in. But in this case one wants first to be convinced that one has certain qualifications for this sort of business, and especially that all this business is of great importance.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What! do you mean to say it's not of importance?&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch, stung to the quick too at his brother's considering anything of no importance that interested him, and still more at his obviously paying little attention to what he was saying.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't think it important; it does not take hold of me, I can't help it,&#8221; answered Levin, making out that what he saw was the bailiff, and that the bailiff seemed to be letting the peasants go off the ploughed land. They were turning the plough over. &#8220;Can they have finished ploughing?&#8221; he wondered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, really though,&#8221; said the elder brother, with a frown on his handsome, clever face, &#8220;there's a limit to everything. It's very well to be original and genuine, and to dislike everything conventional&#8212;I know all about that; but really, what you're saying either has no meaning, or it has a very wrong meaning. How can you think it a matter of no importance whether the peasant, whom you love as you assert....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I never did assert it,&#8221; thought Konstantin Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;...dies without help? The ignorant peasant-women starve the children, and the people stagnate in darkness, and are helpless in the hands of every village clerk, while you have at your disposal a means of helping them, and don't help them because to your mind it's of no importance.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Sergey Ivanovitch put before him the alternative: either you are so undeveloped that you can't see all that you can do, or you won't sacrifice your ease, your vanity, or whatever it is, to do it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Konstantin Levin felt that there was no course open to him but to submit, or to confess to a lack of zeal for the public good. And this mortified him and hurt his feelings.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's both,&#8221; he said resolutely: &#8220;I don't see that it was possible....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What! was it impossible, if the money were properly laid out, to provide medical aid?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Impossible, as it seems to me.... For the three thousand square miles of our district, what with our thaws, and the storms, and the work in the fields, I don't see how it is possible to provide medical aid all over. And besides, I don't believe in medicine.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well, that's unfair ... I can quote to you thousands of instances.... But the schools, anyway.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why have schools?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you mean? Can there be two opinions of the advantage of education? If it's a good thing for you, it's a good thing for everyone.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Konstantin Levin felt himself morally pinned against a wall, and so he got hot, and unconsciously blurted out the chief cause of his indifference to public business.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps it may all be very good; but why should I worry myself about establishing dispensaries which I shall never make use of, and schools to which I shall never send my children, to which even the peasants don't want to send their children, and to which I've no very firm faith that they ought to send them?&#8221; said he.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sergey Ivanovitch was for a minute surprised at this unexpected view of the subject; but he promptly made a new plan of attack. He was silent for a little, drew out a hook, threw it in again, and turned to his brother smiling.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, now.... In the first place, the dispensary is needed. We ourselves sent for the district doctor for Agafea Mihalovna.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well, but I fancy her wrist will never be straight again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That remains to be proved.... Next, the peasant who can read and write is as a workman of more use and value to you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, you can ask anyone you like,&#8221; Konstantin Levin answered with decision, &#8220;the man that can read and write is much inferior as a workman. And mending the highroads is an impossibility; and as soon as they put up bridges they're stolen.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Still, that's not the point,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch, frowning. He disliked contradiction, and still more, arguments that were continually skipping from one thing to another, introducing new and disconnected points, so that there was no knowing to which to reply. &#8220;Do you admit that education is a benefit for the people?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I admit it,&#8221; said Levin without thinking, and he was conscious immediately that he had said what he did not think. He felt that if he admitted that, it would be proved that he had been talking meaningless rubbish. How it would be proved he could not tell, but he knew that this would inevitably be logically proved to him, and he awaited the proofs.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The argument turned out to be far simpler than he had expected.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you admit that it is a benefit,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch, &#8220;then, as an honest man, you cannot help caring about it and sympathizing with the movement, and so wishing to work for it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But I still do not admit this movement to be just,&#8221; said Konstantin Levin, reddening a little.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What! But you said just now....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's to say, I don't admit it's being either good or possible.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That you can't tell without making the trial.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, supposing that's so,&#8221; said Levin, though he did not suppose so at all, &#8220;supposing that is so, still I don't see, all the same, what I'm to worry myself about it for.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How so?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; since we are talking, explain it to me from the philosophical point of view,&#8221; said Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I can't see where philosophy comes in,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch, in a tone, Levin fancied, as though he did not admit his brother's right to talk about philosophy. And that irritated Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll tell you, then,&#8221; he said with heat, &#8220;I imagine the mainspring of all our actions is, after all, self-interest. Now in the local institutions I, as a nobleman, see nothing that could conduce to my prosperity, and the roads are not better and could not be better; my horses carry me well enough over bad ones. Doctors and dispensaries are no use to me. An arbitrator of disputes is no use to me. I never appeal to him, and never shall appeal to him. The schools are no good to me, but positively harmful, as I told you. For me the district institutions simply mean the liability to pay fourpence halfpenny for every three acres, to drive into the town, sleep with bugs, and listen to all sorts of idiocy and loathsomeness, and self-interest offers me no inducement.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me,&#8221; Sergey Ivanovitch interposed with a smile, &#8220;self-interest did not induce us to work for the emancipation of the serfs, but we did work for it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No!&#8221; Konstantin Levin broke in with still greater heat; &#8220;the emancipation of the serfs was a different matter. There self-interest did come in. One longed to throw off that yoke that crushed us, all decent people among us. But to be a town councilor and discuss how many dustmen are needed, and how chimneys shall be constructed in the town in which I don't live&#8212;to serve on a jury and try a peasant who's stolen a flitch of bacon, and listen for six hours at a stretch to all sorts of jabber from the counsel for the defense and the prosecution, and the president cross-examining my old half-witted Alioshka, &#8216;Do you admit, prisoner in the dock, the fact of the removal of the bacon?' &#8216;Eh?'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Konstantin Levin had warmed to his subject, and began mimicking the president and the half-witted Alioshka: it seemed to him that it was all to the point.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Sergey Ivanovitch shrugged his shoulders.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, what do you mean to say, then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I simply mean to say that those rights that touch me ... my interest, I shall always defend to the best of my ability; that when they made raids on us students, and the police read our letters, I was ready to defend those rights to the utmost, to defend my rights to education and freedom. I can understand compulsory military service, which affects my children, my brothers, and myself, I am ready to deliberate on what concerns me; but deliberating on how to spend forty thousand roubles of district council money, or judging the half-witted Alioshka&#8212;I don't understand, and I can't do it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Konstantin Levin spoke as though the floodgates of his speech had burst open. Sergey Ivanovitch smiled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But tomorrow it'll be your turn to be tried; would it have suited your tastes better to be tried in the old criminal tribunal?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm not going to be tried. I shan't murder anybody, and I've no need of it. Well, I tell you what,&#8221; he went on, flying off again to a subject quite beside the point, &#8220;our district self-government and all the rest of it&#8212;it's just like the birch branches we stick in the ground on Trinity Day, for instance, to look like a copse which has grown up of itself in Europe, and I can't gush over these birch branches and believe in them.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sergey Ivanovitch merely shrugged his shoulders, as though to express his wonder how the birch branches had come into their argument at that point, though he did really understand at once what his brother meant.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Excuse me, but you know one really can't argue in that way,&#8221; he observed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
But Konstantin Levin wanted to justify himself for the failing, of which he was conscious, of lack of zeal for the public welfare, and he went on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I imagine,&#8221; he said, &#8220;that no sort of activity is likely to be lasting if it is not founded on self-interest, that's a universal principle, a philosophical principle,&#8221; he said, repeating the word &#8220;philosophical&#8221; with determination, as though wishing to show that he had as much right as anyone else to talk of philosophy.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sergey Ivanovitch smiled. &#8220;He too has a philosophy of his own at the service of his natural tendencies,&#8221; he thought.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, you'd better let philosophy alone,&#8221; he said. &#8220;The chief problem of the philosophy of all ages consists just in finding the indispensable connection which exists between individual and social interests. But that's not to the point; what is to the point is a correction I must make in your comparison. The birches are not simply stuck in, but some are sown and some are planted, and one must deal carefully with them. It's only those peoples that have an intuitive sense of what's of importance and significance in their institutions, and know how to value them, that have a future before them&#8212;it's only those peoples that one can truly call historical.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Sergey Ivanovitch carried the subject into the regions of philosophical history where Konstantin Levin could not follow him, and showed him all the incorrectness of his view.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As for your dislike of it, excuse my saying so, that's simply our Russian sloth and old serf-owner's ways, and I'm convinced that in you it's a temporary error and will pass.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Konstantin was silent. He felt himself vanquished on all sides, but he felt at the same time that what he wanted to say was unintelligible to his brother. Only he could not make up his mind whether it was unintelligible because he was not capable of expressing his meaning clearly, or because his brother would not or could not understand him. But he did not pursue the speculation, and without replying, he fell to musing on a quite different and personal matter.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sergey Ivanovitch wound up the last line, untied the horse, and they drove off.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 4&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The personal matter that absorbed Levin during his conversation with his brother was this. Once in a previous year he had gone to look at the mowing, and being made very angry by the bailiff he had recourse to his favorite means for regaining his temper,&#8212;he took a scythe from a peasant and began mowing.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He liked the work so much that he had several times tried his hand at mowing since. He had cut the whole of the meadow in front of his house, and this year ever since the early spring he had cherished a plan for mowing for whole days together with the peasants. Ever since his brother's arrival, he had been in doubt whether to mow or not. He was loath to leave his brother alone all day long, and he was afraid his brother would laugh at him about it. But as he drove into the meadow, and recalled the sensations of mowing, he came near deciding that he would go mowing. After the irritating discussion with his brother, he pondered over this intention again.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I must have physical exercise, or my temper'll certainly be ruined,&#8221; he thought, and he determined he would go mowing, however awkward he might feel about it with his brother or the peasants.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Towards evening Konstantin Levin went to his counting house, gave directions as to the work to be done, and sent about the village to summon the mowers for the morrow, to cut the hay in Kalinov meadow, the largest and best of his grass lands.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And send my scythe, please, to Tit, for him to set it, and bring it round tomorrow. I shall maybe do some mowing myself too,&#8221; he said, trying not to be embarrassed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The bailiff smiled and said: &#8220;Yes, sir.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At tea the same evening Levin said to his brother:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I fancy the fine weather will last. Tomorrow I shall start mowing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm so fond of that form of field labor,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'm awfully fond of it. I sometimes mow myself with the peasants, and tomorrow I want to try mowing the whole day.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sergey Ivanovitch lifted his head, and looked with interest at his brother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How do you mean? Just like one of the peasants, all day long?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it's very pleasant,&#8221; said Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's splendid as exercise, only you'll hardly be able to stand it,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch, without a shade of irony.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've tried it. It's hard work at first, but you get into it. I dare say I shall manage to keep it up....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Really! what an idea! But tell me, how do the peasants look at it? I suppose they laugh in their sleeves at their master's being such a queer fish?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I don't think so; but it's so delightful, and at the same time such hard work, that one has no time to think about it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But how will you do about dining with them? To send you a bottle of Lafitte and roast turkey out there would be a little awkward.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I'll simply come home at the time of their noonday rest.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Next morning Konstantin Levin got up earlier than usual, but he was detained giving directions on the farm, and when he reached the mowing grass the mowers were already at their second row.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
From the uplands he could get a view of the shaded cut part of the meadow below, with its grayish ridges of cut grass, and the black heaps of coats, taken off by the mowers at the place from which they had started cutting.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Gradually, as he rode towards the meadow, the peasants came into sight, some in coats, some in their shirts mowing, one behind another in a long string, swinging their scythes differently. He counted forty-two of them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They were mowing slowly over the uneven, low-lying parts of the meadow, where there had been an old dam. Levin recognized some of his own men. Here was old Yermil in a very long white smock, bending forward to swing a scythe; there was a young fellow, Vaska, who had been a coachman of Levin's, taking every row with a wide sweep. Here, too, was Tit, Levin's preceptor in the art of mowing, a thin little peasant. He was in front of all, and cut his wide row without bending, as though playing with the scythe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin got off his mare, and fastening her up by the roadside went to meet Tit, who took a second scythe out of a bush and gave it to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's ready, sir; it's like a razor, cuts of itself,&#8221; said Tit, taking off his cap with a smile and giving him the scythe.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin took the scythe, and began trying it. As they finished their rows, the mowers, hot and good-humored, came out into the road one after another, and, laughing a little, greeted the master. They all stared at him, but no one made any remark, till a tall old man, with a wrinkled, beardless face, wearing a short sheepskin jacket, came out into the road and accosted him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Look'ee now, master, once take hold of the rope there's no letting it go!&#8221; he said, and Levin heard smothered laughter among the mowers.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I'll try not to let it go,&#8221; he said, taking his stand behind Tit, and waiting for the time to begin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mind'ee,&#8221; repeated the old man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tit made room, and Levin started behind him. The grass was short close to the road, and Levin, who had not done any mowing for a long while, and was disconcerted by the eyes fastened upon him, cut badly for the first moments, though he swung his scythe vigorously. Behind him he heard voices:&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's not set right; handle's too high; see how he has to stoop to it,&#8221; said one.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Press more on the heel,&#8221; said another.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Never mind, he'll get on all right,&#8221; the old man resumed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;He's made a start.... You swing it too wide, you'll tire yourself out.... The master, sure, does his best for himself! But see the grass missed out! For such work us fellows would catch it!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The grass became softer, and Levin, listening without answering, followed Tit, trying to do the best he could. They moved a hundred paces. Tit kept moving on, without stopping, not showing the slightest weariness, but Levin was already beginning to be afraid he would not be able to keep it up: he was so tired.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He felt as he swung his scythe that he was at the very end of his strength, and was making up his mind to ask Tit to stop. But at that very moment Tit stopped of his own accord, and stooping down picked up some grass, rubbed his scythe, and began whetting it. Levin straightened himself, and drawing a deep breath looked round. Behind him came a peasant, and he too was evidently tired, for he stopped at once without waiting to mow up to Levin, and began whetting his scythe. Tit sharpened his scythe and Levin's, and they went on. The next time it was just the same. Tit moved on with sweep after sweep of his scythe, not stopping nor showing signs of weariness. Levin followed him, trying not to get left behind, and he found it harder and harder: the moment came when he felt he had no strength left, but at that very moment Tit stopped and whetted the scythes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
So they mowed the first row. And this long row seemed particularly hard work to Levin; but when the end was reached and Tit, shouldering his scythe, began with deliberate stride returning on the tracks left by his heels in the cut grass, and Levin walked back in the same way over the space he had cut, in spite of the sweat that ran in streams over his face and fell in drops down his nose, and drenched his back as though he had been soaked in water, he felt very happy. What delighted him particularly was that now he knew he would be able to hold out.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
His pleasure was only disturbed by his row not being well cut. &#8220;I will swing less with my arm and more with my whole body,&#8221; he thought, comparing Tit's row, which looked as if it had been cut with a line, with his own unevenly and irregularly lying grass.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The first row, as Levin noticed, Tit had mowed specially quickly, probably wishing to put his master to the test, and the row happened to be a long one. The next rows were easier, but still Levin had to strain every nerve not to drop behind the peasants.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He thought of nothing, wished for nothing, but not to be left behind the peasants, and to do his work as well as possible. He heard nothing but the swish of scythes, and saw before him Tit's upright figure mowing away, the crescent-shaped curve of the cut grass, the grass and flower heads slowly and rhythmically falling before the blade of his scythe, and ahead of him the end of the row, where would come the rest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Suddenly, in the midst of his toil, without understanding what it was or whence it came, he felt a pleasant sensation of chill on his hot, moist shoulders. He glanced at the sky in the interval for whetting the scythes. A heavy, lowering storm cloud had blown up, and big raindrops were falling. Some of the peasants went to their coats and put them on; others&#8212;just like Levin himself&#8212;merely shrugged their shoulders, enjoying the pleasant coolness of it.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Another row, and yet another row, followed&#8212;long rows and short rows, with good grass and with poor grass. Levin lost all sense of time, and could not have told whether it was late or early now. A change began to come over his work, which gave him immense satisfaction. In the midst of his toil there were moments during which he forgot what he was doing, and it came all easy to him, and at those same moments his row was almost as smooth and well cut as Tit's. But so soon as he recollected what he was doing, and began trying to do better, he was at once conscious of all the difficulty of his task, and the row was badly mown.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On finishing yet another row he would have gone back to the top of the meadow again to begin the next, but Tit stopped, and going up to the old man said something in a low voice to him. They both looked at the sun. &#8220;What are they talking about, and why doesn't he go back?&#8221; thought Levin, not guessing that the peasants had been mowing no less than four hours without stopping, and it was time for their lunch.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Lunch, sir,&#8221; said the old man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Is it really time? That's right; lunch, then.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin gave his scythe to Tit, and together with the peasants, who were crossing the long stretch of mown grass, slightly sprinkled with rain, to get their bread from the heap of coats, he went towards his house. Only then he suddenly awoke to the fact that he had been wrong about the weather and the rain was drenching his hay.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;The hay will be spoiled,&#8221; he said.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not a bit of it, sir; mow in the rain, and you'll rake in fine weather!&#8221; said the old man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin untied his horse and rode home to his coffee. Sergey Ivanovitch was only just getting up. When he had drunk his coffee, Levin rode back again to the mowing before Sergey Ivanovitch had had time to dress and come down to the dining-room.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 5&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;After lunch Levin was not in the same place in the string of mowers as before, but stood between the old man who had accosted him jocosely, and now invited him to be his neighbor, and a young peasant, who had only been married in the autumn, and who was mowing this summer for the first time.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The old man, holding himself erect, moved in front, with his feet turned out, taking long, regular strides, and with a precise and regular action which seemed to cost him no more effort than swinging one's arms in walking, as though it were in play, he laid down the high, even row of grass. It was as though it were not he but the sharp scythe of itself swishing through the juicy grass.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Behind Levin came the lad Mishka. His pretty, boyish face, with a twist of fresh grass bound round his hair, was all working with effort; but whenever anyone looked at him he smiled. He would clearly have died sooner than own it was hard work for him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin kept between them. In the very heat of the day the mowing did not seem such hard work to him. The perspiration with which he was drenched cooled him, while the sun, that burned his back, his head, and his arms, bare to the elbow, gave a vigor and dogged energy to his labor; and more and more often now came those moments of unconsciousness, when it was possible not to think what one was doing. The scythe cut of itself. These were happy moments. Still more delightful were the moments when they reached the stream where the rows ended, and the old man rubbed his scythe with the wet, thick grass, rinsed its blade in the fresh water of the stream, ladled out a little in a tin dipper, and offered Levin a drink.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do you say to my home-brew, eh? Good, eh?&#8221; said he, winking.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And truly Levin had never drunk any liquor so good as this warm water with green bits floating in it, and a taste of rust from the tin dipper. And immediately after this came the delicious, slow saunter, with his hand on the scythe, during which he could wipe away the streaming sweat, take deep breaths of air, and look about at the long string of mowers and at what was happening around in the forest and the country.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The longer Levin mowed, the oftener he felt the moments of unconsciousness in which it seemed not his hands that swung the scythe, but the scythe mowing of itself, a body full of life and consciousness of its own, and as though by magic, without thinking of it, the work turned out regular and well-finished of itself. These were the most blissful moments.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
It was only hard work when he had to break off the motion, which had become unconscious, and to think; when he had to mow round a hillock or a tuft of sorrel. The old man did this easily. When a hillock came he changed his action, and at one time with the heel, and at another with the tip of his scythe, clipped the hillock round both sides with short strokes. And while he did this he kept looking about and watching what came into his view: at one moment he picked a wild berry and ate it or offered it to Levin, then he flung away a twig with the blade of the scythe, then he looked at a quail's nest, from which the bird flew just under the scythe, or caught a snake that crossed his path, and lifting it on the scythe as though on a fork showed it to Levin and threw it away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For both Levin and the young peasant behind him, such changes of position were difficult. Both of them, repeating over and over again the same strained movement, were in a perfect frenzy of toil, and were incapable of shifting their position and at the same time watching what was before them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin did not notice how time was passing. If he had been asked how long he had been working he would have said half an hour&#8212;and it was getting on for dinner time. As they were walking back over the cut grass, the old man called Levin's attention to the little girls and boys who were coming from different directions, hardly visible through the long grass, and along the road towards the mowers, carrying sacks of bread dragging at their little hands and pitchers of the sour rye-beer, with cloths wrapped round them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Look'ee, the little emmets crawling!&#8221; he said, pointing to them, and he shaded his eyes with his hand to look at the sun. They mowed two more rows; the old man stopped.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, master, dinner time!&#8221; he said briskly. And on reaching the stream the mowers moved off across the lines of cut grass towards their pile of coats, where the children who had brought their dinners were sitting waiting for them. The peasants gathered into groups&#8212;those further away under a cart, those nearer under a willow bush.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin sat down by them; he felt disinclined to go away.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
All constraint with the master had disappeared long ago. The peasants got ready for dinner. Some washed, the young lads bathed in the stream, others made a place comfortable for a rest, untied their sacks of bread, and uncovered the pitchers of rye-beer. The old man crumbled up some bread in a cup, stirred it with the handle of a spoon, poured water on it from the dipper, broke up some more bread, and having seasoned it with salt, he turned to the east to say his prayer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, master, taste my sop,&#8221; said he, kneeling down before the cup.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The sop was so good that Levin gave up the idea of going home. He dined with the old man, and talked to him about his family affairs, taking the keenest interest in them, and told him about his own affairs and all the circumstances that could be of interest to the old man. He felt much nearer to him than to his brother, and could not help smiling at the affection he felt for this man. When the old man got up again, said his prayer, and lay down under a bush, putting some grass under his head for a pillow, Levin did the same, and in spite of the clinging flies that were so persistent in the sunshine, and the midges that tickled his hot face and body, he fell asleep at once and only waked when the sun had passed to the other side of the bush and reached him. The old man had been awake a long while, and was sitting up whetting the scythes of the younger lads.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin looked about him and hardly recognized the place, everything was so changed. The immense stretch of meadow had been mown and was sparkling with a peculiar fresh brilliance, with its lines of already sweet-smelling grass in the slanting rays of the evening sun. And the bushes about the river had been cut down, and the river itself, not visible before, now gleaming like steel in its bends, and the moving, ascending, peasants, and the sharp wall of grass of the unmown part of the meadow, and the hawks hovering over the stripped meadow&#8212;all was perfectly new. Raising himself, Levin began considering how much had been cut and how much more could still be done that day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The work done was exceptionally much for forty-two men. They had cut the whole of the big meadow, which had, in the years of serf labor, taken thirty scythes two days to mow. Only the corners remained to do, where the rows were short. But Levin felt a longing to get as much mowing done that day as possible, and was vexed with the sun sinking so quickly in the sky. He felt no weariness; all he wanted was to get his work done more and more quickly and as much done as possible.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Could you cut Mashkin Upland too?&#8212;what do you think?&#8221; he said to the old man.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;As God wills, the sun's not high. A little vodka for the lads?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
At the afternoon rest, when they were sitting down again, and those who smoked had lighted their pipes, the old man told the men that &#8220;Mashkin Upland's to be cut&#8212;there'll be some vodka.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why not cut it? Come on, Tit! We'll look sharp! We can eat at night. Come on!&#8221; cried voices, and eating up their bread, the mowers went back to work.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Come, lads, keep it up!&#8221; said Tit, and ran on ahead almost at a trot.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Get along, get along!&#8221; said the old man, hurrying after him and easily overtaking him, &#8220;I'll mow you down, look out!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And young and old mowed away, as though they were racing with one another. But however fast they worked, they did not spoil the grass, and the rows were laid just as neatly and exactly. The little piece left uncut in the corner was mown in five minutes. The last of the mowers were just ending their rows while the foremost snatched up their coats onto their shoulders, and crossed the road towards Mashkin Upland.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The sun was already sinking into the trees when they went with their jingling dippers into the wooded ravine of Mashkin Upland. The grass was up to their waists in the middle of the hollow, soft, tender, and feathery, spotted here and there among the trees with wild heart's-ease.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After a brief consultation&#8212;whether to take the rows lengthwise or diagonally&#8212;Prohor Yermilin, also a renowned mower, a huge, black-haired peasant, went on ahead. He went up to the top, turned back again and started mowing, and they all proceeded to form in line behind him, going downhill through the hollow and uphill right up to the edge of the forest. The sun sank behind the forest. The dew was falling by now; the mowers were in the sun only on the hillside, but below, where a mist was rising, and on the opposite side, they mowed into the fresh, dewy shade. The work went rapidly. The grass cut with a juicy sound, and was at once laid in high, fragrant rows. The mowers from all sides, brought closer together in the short row, kept urging one another on to the sound of jingling dippers and clanging scythes, and the hiss of the whetstones sharpening them, and good-humored shouts.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin still kept between the young peasant and the old man. The old man, who had put on his short sheepskin jacket, was just as good-humored, jocose, and free in his movements. Among the trees they were continually cutting with their scythes the so-called &#8220;birch mushrooms,&#8221; swollen fat in the succulent grass. But the old man bent down every time he came across a mushroom, picked it up and put it in his bosom. &#8220;Another present for my old woman,&#8221; he said as he did so.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Easy as it was to mow the wet, soft grass, it was hard work going up and down the steep sides of the ravine. But this did not trouble the old man. Swinging his scythe just as ever, and moving his feet in their big, plaited shoes with firm, little steps, he climbed slowly up the steep place, and though his breeches hanging out below his smock, and his whole frame trembled with effort, he did not miss one blade of grass or one mushroom on his way, and kept making jokes with the peasants and Levin. Levin walked after him and often thought he must fall, as he climbed with a scythe up a steep cliff where it would have been hard work to clamber without anything. But he climbed up and did what he had to do. He felt as though some external force were moving him.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 6&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Mashkin Upland was mown, the last row finished, the peasants had put on their coats and were gaily trudging home. Levin got on his horse and, parting regretfully from the peasants, rode homewards. On the hillside he looked back; he could not see them in the mist that had risen from the valley; he could only hear rough, good-humored voices, laughter, and the sound of clanking scythes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sergey Ivanovitch had long ago finished dinner, and was drinking iced lemon and water in his own room, looking through the reviews and papers which he had only just received by post, when Levin rushed into the room, talking merrily, with his wet and matted hair sticking to his forehead, and his back and chest grimed and moist.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;We mowed the whole meadow! Oh, it is nice, delicious! And how have you been getting on?&#8221; said Levin, completely forgetting the disagreeable conversation of the previous day.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mercy! what do you look like!&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch, for the first moment looking round with some dissatisfaction. &#8220;And the door, do shut the door!&#8221; he cried. &#8220;You must have let in a dozen at least.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Sergey Ivanovitch could not endure flies, and in his own room he never opened the window except at night, and carefully kept the door shut.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Not one, on my honor. But if I have, I'll catch them. You wouldn't believe what a pleasure it is! How have you spent the day?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Very well. But have you really been mowing the whole day? I expect you're as hungry as a wolf. Kouzma has got everything ready for you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I don't feel hungry even. I had something to eat there. But I'll go and wash.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, go along, go along, and I'll come to you directly,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch, shaking his head as he looked at his brother. &#8220;Go along, make haste,&#8221; he added smiling, and gathering up his books, he prepared to go too. He, too, felt suddenly good-humored and disinclined to leave his brother's side. &#8220;But what did you do while it was raining?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Rain? Why, there was scarcely a drop. I'll come directly. So you had a nice day too? That's first-rate.&#8221; And Levin went off to change his clothes.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Five minutes later the brothers met in the dining-room. Although it seemed to Levin that he was not hungry, and he sat down to dinner simply so as not to hurt Kouzma's feelings, yet when he began to eat the dinner struck him as extraordinarily good. Sergey Ivanovitch watched him with a smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, by the way, there's a letter for you,&#8221; said he. &#8220;Kouzma, bring it down, please. And mind you shut the doors.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The letter was from Oblonsky. Levin read it aloud. Oblonsky wrote to him from Petersburg: &#8220;I have had a letter from Dolly; she's at Ergushovo, and everything seems going wrong there. Do ride over and see her, please; help her with advice; you know all about it. She will be so glad to see you. She's quite alone, poor thing. My mother-in-law and all of them are still abroad.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's capital! I will certainly ride over to her,&#8221; said Levin. &#8220;Or we'll go together. She's such a splendid woman, isn't she?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;They're not far from here, then?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Twenty-five miles. Or perhaps it is thirty. But a capital road. Capital, we'll drive over.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I shall be delighted,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch, still smiling. The sight of his younger brother's appearance had immediately put him in a good humor.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, you have an appetite!&#8221; he said, looking at his dark-red, sunburnt face and neck bent over the plate.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Splendid! You can't imagine what an effectual remedy it is for every sort of foolishness. I want to enrich medicine with a new word: &lt;i&gt;Arbeitskur&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb11&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;Arbeitskur &#8211; work cure&#034; id=&#034;nh11&#034;&gt;11&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt;.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, but you don't need it, I should fancy.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, but for all sorts of nervous invalids.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, it ought to be tried. I had meant to come to the mowing to look at you, but it was so unbearably hot that I got no further than the forest. I sat there a little, and went on by the forest to the village, met your old nurse, and sounded her as to the peasants' view of you. As far as I can make out, they don't approve of this. She said: &#8216;It's not a gentleman's work.' Altogether, I fancy that in the people's ideas there are very clear and definite notions of certain, as they call it, &#8216;gentlemanly' lines of action. And they don't sanction the gentry's moving outside bounds clearly laid down in their ideas.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Maybe so; but anyway it's a pleasure such as I have never known in my life. And there's no harm in it, you know. Is there?&#8221; answered Levin. &#8220;I can't help it if they don't like it. Though I do believe it's all right. Eh?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Altogether,&#8221; pursued Sergey Ivanovitch, &#8220;you're satisfied with your day?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Quite satisfied. We cut the whole meadow. And such a splendid old man I made friends with there! You can't fancy how delightful he was!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, so you're content with your day. And so am I. First, I solved two chess problems, and one a very pretty one&#8212;a pawn opening. I'll show it you. And then&#8212;I thought over our conversation yesterday.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Eh! our conversation yesterday?&#8221; said Levin, blissfully dropping his eyelids and drawing deep breaths after finishing his dinner, and absolutely incapable of recalling what their conversation yesterday was about.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I think you are partly right. Our difference of opinion amounts to this, that you make the mainspring self-interest, while I suppose that interest in the common weal is bound to exist in every man of a certain degree of advancement. Possibly you are right too, that action founded on material interest would be more desirable. You are altogether, as the French say, too &lt;i&gt;primesauti&#232;re&lt;/i&gt;&lt;span class=&#034;spip_note_ref&#034;&gt; [&lt;a href=&#034;#nb12&#034; class=&#034;spip_note&#034; rel=&#034;appendix&#034; title=&#034;primesauti&#232;re &#8211; impulsive&#034; id=&#034;nh12&#034;&gt;12&lt;/a&gt;]&lt;/span&gt; a nature; you must have intense, energetic action, or nothing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin listened to his brother and did not understand a single word, and did not want to understand. He was only afraid his brother might ask him some question which would make it evident he had not heard.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;So that's what I think it is, my dear boy,&#8221; said Sergey Ivanovitch, touching him on the shoulder.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, of course. But, do you know? I won't stand up for my view,&#8221; answered Levin, with a guilty, childlike smile. &#8220;Whatever was it I was disputing about?&#8221; he wondered. &#8220;Of course, I'm right, and he's right, and it's all first-rate. Only I must go round to the counting house and see to things.&#8221; He got up, stretching and smiling. Sergey Ivanovitch smiled too.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If you want to go out, let's go together,&#8221; he said, disinclined to be parted from his brother, who seemed positively breathing out freshness and energy. &#8220;Come, we'll go to the counting house, if you have to go there.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, heavens!&#8221; shouted Levin, so loudly that Sergey Ivanovitch was quite frightened.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What, what is the matter?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How's Agafea Mihalovna's hand?&#8221; said Levin, slapping himself on the head. &#8220;I'd positively forgotten her even.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's much better.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, anyway I'll run down to her. Before you've time to get your hat on, I'll be back.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And he ran downstairs, clattering with his heels like a spring-rattle.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 7&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Stepan Arkadyevitch had gone to Petersburg to perform the most natural and essential official duty&#8212;so familiar to everyone in the government service, though incomprehensible to outsiders&#8212;that duty, but for which one could hardly be in government service, of reminding the ministry of his existence&#8212;and having, for the due performance of this rite, taken all the available cash from home, was gaily and agreeably spending his days at the races and in the summer villas. Meanwhile Dolly and the children had moved into the country, to cut down expenses as much as possible. She had gone to Ergushovo, the estate that had been her dowry, and the one where in spring the forest had been sold. It was nearly forty miles from Levin's Pokrovskoe. The big, old house at Ergushovo had been pulled down long ago, and the old prince had had the lodge done up and built on to. Twenty years before, when Dolly was a child, the lodge had been roomy and comfortable, though, like all lodges, it stood sideways to the entrance avenue, and faced the south. But by now this lodge was old and dilapidated. When Stepan Arkadyevitch had gone down in the spring to sell the forest, Dolly had begged him to look over the house and order what repairs might be needed. Stepan Arkadyevitch, like all unfaithful husbands indeed, was very solicitous for his wife's comfort, and he had himself looked over the house, and given instructions about everything that he considered necessary. What he considered necessary was to cover all the furniture with cretonne, to put up curtains, to weed the garden, to make a little bridge on the pond, and to plant flowers. But he forgot many other essential matters, the want of which greatly distressed Darya Alexandrovna later on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In spite of Stepan Arkadyevitch's efforts to be an attentive father and husband, he never could keep in his mind that he had a wife and children. He had bachelor tastes, and it was in accordance with them that he shaped his life. On his return to Moscow he informed his wife with pride that everything was ready, that the house would be a little paradise, and that he advised her most certainly to go. His wife's staying away in the country was very agreeable to Stepan Arkadyevitch from every point of view: it did the children good, it decreased expenses, and it left him more at liberty. Darya Alexandrovna regarded staying in the country for the summer as essential for the children, especially for the little girl, who had not succeeded in regaining her strength after the scarlatina, and also as a means of escaping the petty humiliations, the little bills owing to the wood-merchant, the fishmonger, the shoemaker, which made her miserable. Besides this, she was pleased to go away to the country because she was dreaming of getting her sister Kitty to stay with her there. Kitty was to be back from abroad in the middle of the summer, and bathing had been prescribed for her. Kitty wrote that no prospect was so alluring as to spend the summer with Dolly at Ergushovo, full of childish associations for both of them.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The first days of her existence in the country were very hard for Dolly. She used to stay in the country as a child, and the impression she had retained of it was that the country was a refuge from all the unpleasantness of the town, that life there, though not luxurious&#8212;Dolly could easily make up her mind to that&#8212;was cheap and comfortable; that there was plenty of everything, everything was cheap, everything could be got, and children were happy. But now coming to the country as the head of a family, she perceived that it was all utterly unlike what she had fancied.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The day after their arrival there was a heavy fall of rain, and in the night the water came through in the corridor and in the nursery, so that the beds had to be carried into the drawing-room. There was no kitchen maid to be found; of the nine cows, it appeared from the words of the cowherd-woman that some were about to calve, others had just calved, others were old, and others again hard-uddered; there was not butter nor milk enough even for the children. There were no eggs. They could get no fowls; old, purplish, stringy cocks were all they had for roasting and boiling. Impossible to get women to scrub the floors&#8212;all were potato-hoeing. Driving was out of the question, because one of the horses was restive, and bolted in the shafts. There was no place where they could bathe; the whole of the river-bank was trampled by the cattle and open to the road; even walks were impossible, for the cattle strayed into the garden through a gap in the hedge, and there was one terrible bull, who bellowed, and therefore might be expected to gore somebody. There were no proper cupboards for their clothes; what cupboards there were either would not close at all, or burst open whenever anyone passed by them. There were no pots and pans; there was no copper in the washhouse, nor even an ironing-board in the maids' room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Finding instead of peace and rest all these, from her point of view, fearful calamities, Darya Alexandrovna was at first in despair. She exerted herself to the utmost, felt the hopelessness of the position, and was every instant suppressing the tears that started into her eyes. The bailiff, a retired quartermaster, whom Stepan Arkadyevitch had taken a fancy to and had appointed bailiff on account of his handsome and respectful appearance as a hall-porter, showed no sympathy for Darya Alexandrovna's woes. He said respectfully, &#8220;nothing can be done, the peasants are such a wretched lot,&#8221; and did nothing to help her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The position seemed hopeless. But in the Oblonskys' household, as in all families indeed, there was one inconspicuous but most valuable and useful person, Marya Philimonovna. She soothed her mistress, assured her that everything would &lt;i&gt;come round&lt;/i&gt; (it was her expression, and Matvey had borrowed it from her), and without fuss or hurry proceeded to set to work herself. She had immediately made friends with the bailiff's wife, and on the very first day she drank tea with her and the bailiff under the acacias, and reviewed all the circumstances of the position. Very soon Marya Philimonovna had established her club, so to say, under the acacias, and there it was, in this club, consisting of the bailiff's wife, the village elder, and the counting-house clerk, that the difficulties of existence were gradually smoothed away, and in a week's time everything actually had come round. The roof was mended, a kitchen maid was found&#8212;a crony of the village elder's&#8212;hens were bought, the cows began giving milk, the garden hedge was stopped up with stakes, the carpenter made a mangle, hooks were put in the cupboards, and they ceased to burst open spontaneously, and an ironing-board covered with army cloth was placed across from the arm of a chair to the chest of drawers, and there was a smell of flatirons in the maids' room.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Just see, now, and you were quite in despair,&#8221; said Marya Philimonovna, pointing to the ironing-board. They even rigged up a bathing-shed of straw hurdles. Lily began to bathe, and Darya Alexandrovna began to realize, if only in part, her expectations, if not of a peaceful, at least of a comfortable, life in the country. Peaceful with six children Darya Alexandrovna could not be. One would fall ill, another might easily become so, a third would be without something necessary, a fourth would show symptoms of a bad disposition, and so on. Rare indeed were the brief periods of peace. But these cares and anxieties were for Darya Alexandrovna the sole happiness possible. Had it not been for them, she would have been left alone to brood over her husband who did not love her. And besides, hard though it was for the mother to bear the dread of illness, the illnesses themselves, and the grief of seeing signs of evil propensities in her children&#8212;the children themselves were even now repaying her in small joys for her sufferings. Those joys were so small that they passed unnoticed, like gold in sand, and at bad moments she could see nothing but the pain, nothing but sand; but there were good moments too when she saw nothing but the joy, nothing but gold.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Now in the solitude of the country, she began to be more and more frequently aware of those joys. Often, looking at them, she would make every possible effort to persuade herself that she was mistaken, that she as a mother was partial to her children. All the same, she could not help saying to herself that she had charming children, all six of them in different ways, but a set of children such as is not often to be met with, and she was happy in them, and proud of them.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 8&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Towards the end of May, when everything had been more or less satisfactorily arranged, she received her husband's answer to her complaints of the disorganized state of things in the country. He wrote begging her forgiveness for not having thought of everything before, and promised to come down at the first chance. This chance did not present itself, and till the beginning of June Darya Alexandrovna stayed alone in the country.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the Sunday in St. Peter's week Darya Alexandrovna drove to mass for all her children to take the sacrament. Darya Alexandrovna in her intimate, philosophical talks with her sister, her mother, and her friends very often astonished them by the freedom of her views in regard to religion. She had a strange religion of transmigration of souls all her own, in which she had firm faith, troubling herself little about the dogmas of the Church. But in her family she was strict in carrying out all that was required by the Church&#8212;and not merely in order to set an example, but with all her heart in it. The fact that the children had not been at the sacrament for nearly a year worried her extremely, and with the full approval and sympathy of Marya Philimonovna she decided that this should take place now in the summer.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
For several days before, Darya Alexandrovna was busily deliberating on how to dress all the children. Frocks were made or altered and washed, seams and flounces were let out, buttons were sewn on, and ribbons got ready. One dress, Tanya's, which the English governess had undertaken, cost Darya Alexandrovna much loss of temper. The English governess in altering it had made the seams in the wrong place, had taken up the sleeves too much, and altogether spoilt the dress. It was so narrow on Tanya's shoulders that it was quite painful to look at her. But Marya Philimonovna had the happy thought of putting in gussets, and adding a little shoulder-cape. The dress was set right, but there was nearly a quarrel with the English governess. On the morning, however, all was happily arranged, and towards ten o'clock&#8212;the time at which they had asked the priest to wait for them for the mass&#8212;the children in their new dresses, with beaming faces, stood on the step before the carriage waiting for their mother.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
To the carriage, instead of the restive Raven, they had harnessed, thanks to the representations of Marya Philimonovna, the bailiff's horse, Brownie, and Darya Alexandrovna, delayed by anxiety over her own attire, came out and got in, dressed in a white muslin gown.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Darya Alexandrovna had done her hair, and dressed with care and excitement. In the old days she had dressed for her own sake to look pretty and be admired. Later on, as she got older, dress became more and more distasteful to her. She saw that she was losing her good looks. But now she began to feel pleasure and interest in dress again. Now she did not dress for her own sake, not for the sake of her own beauty, but simply that as the mother of those exquisite creatures she might not spoil the general effect. And looking at herself for the last time in the looking-glass she was satisfied with herself. She looked nice. Not nice as she would have wished to look nice in old days at a ball, but nice for the object which she now had in view.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
In the church there was no one but the peasants, the servants and their women-folk. But Darya Alexandrovna saw, or fancied she saw, the sensation produced by her children and her. The children were not only beautiful to look at in their smart little dresses, but they were charming in the way they behaved. Aliosha, it is true, did not stand quite correctly; he kept turning round, trying to look at his little jacket from behind; but all the same he was wonderfully sweet. Tanya behaved like a grown-up person, and looked after the little ones. And the smallest, Lily, was bewitching in her na&#239;ve astonishment at everything, and it was difficult not to smile when, after taking the sacrament, she said in English, &#8220;Please, some more.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On the way home the children felt that something solemn had happened, and were very sedate.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everything went happily at home too; but at lunch Grisha began whistling, and, what was worse, was disobedient to the English governess, and was forbidden to have any tart. Darya Alexandrovna would not have let things go so far on such a day had she been present; but she had to support the English governess's authority, and she upheld her decision that Grisha should have no tart. This rather spoiled the general good humor. Grisha cried, declaring that Nikolinka had whistled too, and he was not punished, and that he wasn't crying for the tart&#8212;he didn't care&#8212;but at being unjustly treated. This was really too tragic, and Darya Alexandrovna made up her mind to persuade the English governess to forgive Grisha, and she went to speak to her. But on the way, as she passed the drawing-room, she beheld a scene, filling her heart with such pleasure that the tears came into her eyes, and she forgave the delinquent herself.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The culprit was sitting at the window in the corner of the drawing-room; beside him was standing Tanya with a plate. On the pretext of wanting to give some dinner to her dolls, she had asked the governess's permission to take her share of tart to the nursery, and had taken it instead to her brother. While still weeping over the injustice of his punishment, he was eating the tart, and kept saying through his sobs, &#8220;Eat yourself; let's eat it together ... together.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Tanya had at first been under the influence of her pity for Grisha, then of a sense of her noble action, and tears were standing in her eyes too; but she did not refuse, and ate her share.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
On catching sight of their mother they were dismayed, but, looking into her face, they saw they were not doing wrong. They burst out laughing, and, with their mouths full of tart, they began wiping their smiling lips with their hands, and smearing their radiant faces all over with tears and jam.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Mercy! Your new white frock! Tanya! Grisha!&#8221; said their mother, trying to save the frock, but with tears in her eyes, smiling a blissful, rapturous smile.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The new frocks were taken off, and orders were given for the little girls to have their blouses put on, and the boys their old jackets, and the wagonette to be harnessed; with Brownie, to the bailiff's annoyance, again in the shafts, to drive out for mushroom picking and bathing. A roar of delighted shrieks arose in the nursery, and never ceased till they had set off for the bathing-place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
They gathered a whole basketful of mushrooms; even Lily found a birch mushroom. It had always happened before that Miss Hoole found them and pointed them out to her; but this time she found a big one quite of herself, and there was a general scream of delight, &#8220;Lily has found a mushroom!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Then they reached the river, put the horses under the birch trees, and went to the bathing-place. The coachman, Terenty, fastened the horses, who kept whisking away the flies, to a tree, and, treading down the grass, lay down in the shade of a birch and smoked his shag, while the never-ceasing shrieks of delight of the children floated across to him from the bathing-place.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Though it was hard work to look after all the children and restrain their wild pranks, though it was difficult too to keep in one's head and not mix up all the stockings, little breeches, and shoes for the different legs, and to undo and to do up again all the tapes and buttons, Darya Alexandrovna, who had always liked bathing herself, and believed it to be very good for the children, enjoyed nothing so much as bathing with all the children. To go over all those fat little legs, pulling on their stockings, to take in her arms and dip those little naked bodies, and to hear their screams of delight and alarm, to see the breathless faces with wide-open, scared, and happy eyes of all her splashing cherubs, was a great pleasure to her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
When half the children had been dressed, some peasant women in holiday dress, out picking herbs, came up to the bathing-shed and stopped shyly. Marya Philimonovna called one of them and handed her a sheet and a shirt that had dropped into the water for her to dry them, and Darya Alexandrovna began to talk to the women. At first they laughed behind their hands and did not understand her questions, but soon they grew bolder and began to talk, winning Darya Alexandrovna's heart at once by the genuine admiration of the children that they showed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;My, what a beauty! as white as sugar,&#8221; said one, admiring Tanitchka, and shaking her head; &#8220;but thin....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, she has been ill.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And so they've been bathing you too,&#8221; said another to the baby.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No; he's only three months old,&#8221; answered Darya Alexandrovna with pride.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You don't say so!&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And have you any children?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I've had four; I've two living&#8212;a boy and a girl. I weaned her last carnival.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How old is she?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why, two years old.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Why did you nurse her so long?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;It's our custom; for three fasts....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And the conversation became most interesting to Darya Alexandrovna. What sort of time did she have? What was the matter with the boy? Where was her husband? Did it often happen?&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Darya Alexandrovna felt disinclined to leave the peasant women, so interesting to her was their conversation, so completely identical were all their interests. What pleased her most of all was that she saw clearly what all the women admired more than anything was her having so many children, and such fine ones. The peasant women even made Darya Alexandrovna laugh, and offended the English governess, because she was the cause of the laughter she did not understand. One of the younger women kept staring at the Englishwoman, who was dressing after all the rest, and when she put on her third petticoat she could not refrain from the remark, &#8220;My, she keeps putting on and putting on, and she'll never have done!&#8221; she said, and they all went off into roars.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 9&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;On the drive home, as Darya Alexandrovna, with all her children round her, their heads still wet from their bath, and a kerchief tied over her own head, was getting near the house, the coachman said, &#8220;There's some gentleman coming: the master of Pokrovskoe, I do believe.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Darya Alexandrovna peeped out in front, and was delighted when she recognized in the gray hat and gray coat the familiar figure of Levin walking to meet them. She was glad to see him at any time, but at this moment she was specially glad he should see her in all her glory. No one was better able to appreciate her grandeur than Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Seeing her, he found himself face to face with one of the pictures of his daydream of family life.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You're like a hen with your chickens, Darya Alexandrovna.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, how glad I am to see you!&#8221; she said, holding out her hand to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Glad to see me, but you didn't let me know. My brother's staying with me. I got a note from Stiva that you were here.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;From Stiva?&#8221; Darya Alexandrovna asked with surprise.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes; he writes that you are here, and that he thinks you might allow me to be of use to you,&#8221; said Levin, and as he said it he became suddenly embarrassed, and, stopping abruptly, he walked on in silence by the wagonette, snapping off the buds of the lime trees and nibbling them. He was embarrassed through a sense that Darya Alexandrovna would be annoyed by receiving from an outsider help that should by rights have come from her own husband. Darya Alexandrovna certainly did not like this little way of Stepan Arkadyevitch's of foisting his domestic duties on others. And she was at once aware that Levin was aware of this. It was just for this fineness of perception, for this delicacy, that Darya Alexandrovna liked Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I know, of course,&#8221; said Levin, &#8220;that that simply means that you would like to see me, and I'm exceedingly glad. Though I can fancy that, used to town housekeeping as you are, you must feel in the wilds here, and if there's anything wanted, I'm altogether at your disposal.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, no!&#8221; said Dolly. &#8220;At first things were rather uncomfortable, but now we've settled everything capitally&#8212;thanks to my old nurse,&#8221; she said, indicating Marya Philimonovna, who, seeing that they were speaking of her, smiled brightly and cordially to Levin. She knew him, and knew that he would be a good match for her young lady, and was very keen to see the matter settled.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Won't you get in, sir, we'll make room this side!&#8221; she said to him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I'll walk. Children, who'd like to race the horses with me?&#8221; The children knew Levin very little, and could not remember when they had seen him, but they experienced in regard to him none of that strange feeling of shyness and hostility which children so often experience towards hypocritical, grown-up people, and for which they are so often and miserably punished. Hypocrisy in anything whatever may deceive the cleverest and most penetrating man, but the least wide-awake of children recognizes it, and is revolted by it, however ingeniously it may be disguised. Whatever faults Levin had, there was not a trace of hypocrisy in him, and so the children showed him the same friendliness that they saw in their mother's face. On his invitation, the two elder ones at once jumped out to him and ran with him as simply as they would have done with their nurse or Miss Hoole or their mother. Lily, too, began begging to go to him, and her mother handed her to him; he sat her on his shoulder and ran along with her.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Don't be afraid, don't be afraid, Darya Alexandrovna!&#8221; he said, smiling good-humoredly to the mother; &#8220;there's no chance of my hurting or dropping her.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And, looking at his strong, agile, assiduously careful and needlessly wary movements, the mother felt her mind at rest, and smiled gaily and approvingly as she watched him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Here, in the country, with children, and with Darya Alexandrovna, with whom he was in sympathy, Levin was in a mood not infrequent with him, of childlike light-heartedness that she particularly liked in him. As he ran with the children, he taught them gymnastic feats, set Miss Hoole laughing with his queer English accent, and talked to Darya Alexandrovna of his pursuits in the country.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After dinner, Darya Alexandrovna, sitting alone with him on the balcony, began to speak of Kitty.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know, Kitty's coming here, and is going to spend the summer with me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Really,&#8221; he said, flushing, and at once, to change the conversation, he said: &#8220;Then I'll send you two cows, shall I? If you insist on a bill you shall pay me five roubles a month; but it's really too bad of you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, thank you. We can manage very well now.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, well, then, I'll have a look at your cows, and if you'll allow me, I'll give directions about their food. Everything depends on their food.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
And Levin, to turn the conversation, explained to Darya Alexandrovna the theory of cow-keeping, based on the principle that the cow is simply a machine for the transformation of food into milk, and so on.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He talked of this, and passionately longed to hear more of Kitty, and, at the same time, was afraid of hearing it. He dreaded the breaking up of the inward peace he had gained with such effort.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, but still all this has to be looked after, and who is there to look after it?&#8221; Darya Alexandrovna responded, without interest.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She had by now got her household matters so satisfactorily arranged, thanks to Marya Philimonovna, that she was disinclined to make any change in them; besides, she had no faith in Levin's knowledge of farming. General principles, as to the cow being a machine for the production of milk, she looked on with suspicion. It seemed to her that such principles could only be a hindrance in farm management. It all seemed to her a far simpler matter: all that was needed, as Marya Philimonovna had explained, was to give Brindle and Whitebreast more food and drink, and not to let the cook carry all the kitchen slops to the laundry maid's cow. That was clear. But general propositions as to feeding on meal and on grass were doubtful and obscure. And, what was most important, she wanted to talk about Kitty.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 10&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&#8220;Kitty writes to me that there's nothing she longs for so much as quiet and solitude,&#8221; Dolly said after the silence that had followed.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;And how is she&#8212;better?&#8221; Levin asked in agitation.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Thank God, she's quite well again. I never believed her lungs were affected.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Oh, I'm very glad!&#8221; said Levin, and Dolly fancied she saw something touching, helpless, in his face as he said this and looked silently into her face.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Let me ask you, Konstantin Dmitrievitch,&#8221; said Darya Alexandrovna, smiling her kindly and rather mocking smile, &#8220;why is it you are angry with Kitty?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I? I'm not angry with her,&#8221; said Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, you are angry. Why was it you did not come to see us nor them when you were in Moscow?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Darya Alexandrovna,&#8221; he said, blushing up to the roots of his hair, &#8220;I wonder really that with your kind heart you don't feel this. How it is you feel no pity for me, if nothing else, when you know....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What do I know?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You know I made an offer and that I was refused,&#8221; said Levin, and all the tenderness he had been feeling for Kitty a minute before was replaced by a feeling of anger for the slight he had suffered.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;What makes you suppose I know?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Because everybody knows it....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;That's just where you are mistaken; I did not know it, though I had guessed it was so.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, now you know it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;All I knew was that something had happened that made her dreadfully miserable, and that she begged me never to speak of it. And if she would not tell me, she would certainly not speak of it to anyone else. But what did pass between you? Tell me.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I have told you.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When was it?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;When I was at their house the last time.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Do you know that,&#8221; said Darya Alexandrovna, &#8220;I am awfully, awfully sorry for her. You suffer only from pride....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Perhaps so,&#8221; said Levin, &#8220;but....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She interrupted him.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But she, poor girl ... I am awfully, awfully sorry for her. Now I see it all.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, Darya Alexandrovna, you must excuse me,&#8221; he said, getting up. &#8220;Good-bye, Darya Alexandrovna, till we meet again.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, wait a minute,&#8221; she said, clutching him by the sleeve. &#8220;Wait a minute, sit down.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Please, please, don't let us talk of this,&#8221; he said, sitting down, and at the same time feeling rise up and stir within his heart a hope he had believed to be buried.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;If I did not like you,&#8221; she said, and tears came into her eyes; &#8220;if I did not know you, as I do know you....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The feeling that had seemed dead revived more and more, rose up and took possession of Levin's heart.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, I understand it all now,&#8221; said Darya Alexandrovna. &#8220;You can't understand it; for you men, who are free and make your own choice, it's always clear whom you love. But a girl's in a position of suspense, with all a woman's or maiden's modesty, a girl who sees you men from afar, who takes everything on trust,&#8212;a girl may have, and often has, such a feeling that she cannot tell what to say.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, if the heart does not speak....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, the heart does speak; but just consider: you men have views about a girl, you come to the house, you make friends, you criticize, you wait to see if you have found what you love, and then, when you are sure you love her, you make an offer....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Well, that's not quite it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Anyway you make an offer, when your love is ripe or when the balance has completely turned between the two you are choosing from. But a girl is not asked. She is expected to make her choice, and yet she cannot choose, she can only answer &#8216;yes' or &#8216;no.'&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Yes, to choose between me and Vronsky,&#8221; thought Levin, and the dead thing that had come to life within him died again, and only weighed on his heart and set it aching.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Darya Alexandrovna,&#8221; he said, &#8220;that's how one chooses a new dress or some purchase or other, not love. The choice has been made, and so much the better.... And there can be no repeating it.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Ah, pride, pride!&#8221; said Darya Alexandrovna, as though despising him for the baseness of this feeling in comparison with that other feeling which only women know. &#8220;At the time when you made Kitty an offer she was just in a position in which she could not answer. She was in doubt. Doubt between you and Vronsky. Him she was seeing every day, and you she had not seen for a long while. Supposing she had been older ... I, for instance, in her place could have felt no doubt. I always disliked him, and so it has turned out.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin recalled Kitty's answer. She had said: &#8220;No, that cannot be....&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Darya Alexandrovna,&#8221; he said dryly, &#8220;I appreciate your confidence in me; I believe you are making a mistake. But whether I am right or wrong, that pride you so despise makes any thought of Katerina Alexandrovna out of the question for me,&#8212;you understand, utterly out of the question.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I will only say one thing more: you know that I am speaking of my sister, whom I love as I love my own children. I don't say she cared for you, all I meant to say is that her refusal at that moment proves nothing.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I don't know!&#8221; said Levin, jumping up. &#8220;If you only knew how you are hurting me. It's just as if a child of yours were dead, and they were to say to you: He would have been like this and like that, and he might have lived, and how happy you would have been in him. But he's dead, dead, dead!...&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;How absurd you are!&#8221; said Darya Alexandrovna, looking with mournful tenderness at Levin's excitement. &#8220;Yes, I see it all more and more clearly,&#8221; she went on musingly. &#8220;So you won't come to see us, then, when Kitty's here?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;No, I shan't come. Of course I won't avoid meeting Katerina Alexandrovna, but as far as I can, I will try to save her the annoyance of my presence.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;You are very, very absurd,&#8221; repeated Darya Alexandrovna, looking with tenderness into his face. &#8220;Very well then, let it be as though we had not spoken of this. What have you come for, Tanya?&#8221; she said in French to the little girl who had come in.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;Where's my spade, mamma?&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;I speak French, and you must too.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
The little girl tried to say it in French, but could not remember the French for spade; the mother prompted her, and then told her in French where to look for the spade. And this made a disagreeable impression on Levin.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Everything in Darya Alexandrovna's house and children struck him now as by no means so charming as a little while before. &#8220;And what does she talk French with the children for?&#8221; he thought; &#8220;how unnatural and false it is! And the children feel it so: Learning French and unlearning sincerity,&#8221; he thought to himself, unaware that Darya Alexandrovna had thought all that over twenty times already, and yet, even at the cost of some loss of sincerity, believed it necessary to teach her children French in that way.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
&#8220;But why are you going? Do stay a little.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin stayed to tea; but his good-humor had vanished, and he felt ill at ease.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
After tea he went out into the hall to order his horses to be put in, and, when he came back, he found Darya Alexandrovna greatly disturbed, with a troubled face, and tears in her eyes. While Levin had been outside, an incident had occurred which had utterly shattered all the happiness she had been feeling that day, and her pride in her children. Grisha and Tanya had been fighting over a ball. Darya Alexandrovna, hearing a scream in the nursery, ran in and saw a terrible sight. Tanya was pulling Grisha's hair, while he, with a face hideous with rage, was beating her with his fists wherever he could get at her. Something snapped in Darya Alexandrovna's heart when she saw this. It was as if darkness had swooped down upon her life; she felt that these children of hers, that she was so proud of, were not merely most ordinary, but positively bad, ill-bred children, with coarse, brutal propensities&#8212;wicked children.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
She could not talk or think of anything else, and she could not speak to Levin of her misery.&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
Levin saw she was unhappy and tried to comfort her, saying that it showed nothing bad, that all children fight; but, even as he said it, he was thinking in his heart: &#8220;No, I won't be artificial and talk French with my children; but my children won't be like that. All one has to do is not spoil children, not to distort their nature, and they'll be delightful. No, my children won't be like that.&#8221;&lt;br class='autobr' /&gt;
He said good-bye and drove away, and she did not try to keep him.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;h2 class=&#034;spip&#034;&gt;CHAPTER 11&lt;/h2&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In the middle of July the elder of the village on Levin's sister's estate, about fifteen miles from Pokrovskoe, came to Levin to report on how things were going there and on the hay. The chief source of income on his sister's estate was from the riverside meadows. In former years the hay had 